Broken Butts & Bubba Gumps

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. I do want to say, welcome back, Happy New Year.
Happy New Year. It's been a long time.

Speaker 2 Welcome back and Happy New Year. I hope everybody is watching Cheeseburger on Netflix, my brand new Netflix special.

Speaker 2 I hope you went into the theater. Of course they did.
What is this? Happy birthday, dude. What is this? I don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 Oh, cheeseburger for my special. Pete.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yay! Oh!

Speaker 2 Cheeseburgers!

Speaker 2 Thanks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and now we can't eat that because

Speaker 2 graffiti chemicals. I can't have graffiti on my hamburger.
That's insane. Is this a Banksy now?

Speaker 2 Can we sell this? Yeah, we can sell it. It's street art now.
Thank you, guys. That's very nice of you.
Yay.

Speaker 2 Bobby, get a cheeseburger. Everybody gets one.
Oh, they're warm. Are these in-and-outs? Yes.
Baby. Oh, thank you.
And ladies and gentlemen, welcome back. And the new year 2023, it's the juice.

Speaker 2 The juice

Speaker 2 is loose. She is so

Speaker 2 full of herself. I love it.
What's going on?

Speaker 2 She needs direct hellos.

Speaker 2 I've been driving up to this comedy store. She's doing the lot.
She now needs direct hello.

Speaker 1 I'm working the lot. This is what I'm doing.
Minimum wage. I'm paying my dues.

Speaker 2 Bobby comes. Your choice, by the way.

Speaker 2 We're not forcing you to work there.

Speaker 1 That's true. I'll give you that.

Speaker 2 We would have to pay her more money so she doesn't have to. That's right.
She just worked out. So we're here.

Speaker 1 But it is by choice. I'm working the lot.
And Bobby peels in.

Speaker 2 It's a small lot.

Speaker 1 He peels in, gets out of the car. I go, whoa, Speed Racer.
He looks at me like,

Speaker 1 doesn't say nothing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this right here is like, you know what? Dignitaries in Korea

Speaker 2 say that to other dignitaries. That's the highest honor to do a little blackhead

Speaker 2 attitude thing.

Speaker 1 It wasn't an honor. You were looking at me because you were with a beautiful woman and you were looking at me like, why are you talking to me right now?

Speaker 1 And you didn't say hi to me.

Speaker 2 and then I laughed and I was like okay and then you go you need medication and then you walked away I got a laugh out of the girl yeah you know what I mean you need medication right I made it seem like that you were like kind of like

Speaker 2 what

Speaker 2 for 30 minutes driving up I go there's a repeat

Speaker 2 right right so don't even lock eyes with her you know I mean she's very strong and I did this whole thing and then I did and she only communicates by the head right so I did the head thing right and she giggled and we walked in the club and why the medication line?

Speaker 2 Yeah, really say that line. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you tip on the way out in front of the girl? No. No.
Whoa. That's unusual for you.
Yeah, yeah, no.

Speaker 1 But you apologize.

Speaker 2 I did apologize.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 the truth be known, if you want to.

Speaker 2 What are you doing?

Speaker 2 Thank you, Pete. Guys, grab a cheeseburger.
What are you doing? Yeah, the truth be known.

Speaker 2 I've been so used to calling you Juicy.

Speaker 2 I forgot your real name. What?

Speaker 2 For a spoon second, I forgot her real name.

Speaker 1 But you could have just said hi.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 What is your real name? I don't know either.

Speaker 2 Just be real. You don't know her real name?

Speaker 1 It's Jason or Jeffrey or

Speaker 1 Jetsuki.

Speaker 2 Is it alright if I introduce you as Juicy then from now on? Yeah. All right.
But am I. Janet.

Speaker 2 Janet's called her. Janet.
Jessie.

Speaker 1 Janet. Ski Mask is the new one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well they're not.

Speaker 2 Is it Jessica?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oof, yuck.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Middle name Brooke.

Speaker 2 Jessica Brooke? What sorority were you in?

Speaker 2 I'm Jessica Brooke, and I'm an AD Pie. You!

Speaker 1 Totally different route, I kind of tell you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude, you could have been a hardcore. You could have been like a...
Were you a cheerleader in high school?

Speaker 1 No, marching band.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right.

Speaker 2 Fucking nerd. But you know what they say about kids in the band? School shooters later?

Speaker 2 I was going to say they're like freaks. They're like sex freaks.

Speaker 2 Aren't the band kids like the horniest kids on earth? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 We're doing a lot of mouth stuff. What? Like with the instruments.

Speaker 2 Really, what do you call the group? I'll tell you what group I was. I was the guy underneath the bleachers.
What do you call that guy? Pervert. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, we call those perverts.

Speaker 2 Weed and stuff back there. Yeah, still pervert.
Oh, because you were under the bleachers because you want to look at people. You want to look people up.
Not during the game. It was during the day.

Speaker 2 Okay. Oh, really? Like, during the football game, I'm looking up?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Check it out, dude.
You can see your bush. Yeah.
In high school, were you like... Let me guess.
I was in the shed, in the football shed.

Speaker 2 What? What? Yeah, the equipment shed. I was in the equipment shed.
You were half koala bear? No, no, no. They would stuffed me in there.
Oh, I see. And they're like, stay in there, ginger free.

Speaker 2 You weren't the jock? Like, you weren't the popular, like, jockey kind of guy. I kind of towed this weird line because I liked drugs.
I liked weed a lot. And most of my friends were potheads.

Speaker 2 Like, my closest group of friends. My, my best friend from high school, we met smoking, ditching class and getting high.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So that was my crew was like, but I also played sports, so I could mingle with both, but I wasn't, I was never committed. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, but sometimes I go to popular cool kids' parties, and

Speaker 2 I'd bring people that they wouldn't like.

Speaker 2 Oh, right, right. Do you know what I mean? Like, the cool kids didn't like that.
I traveled with kids who also had drugs and arrest records.

Speaker 2 So it was like this weird, like, Santino's cool, but you can't bring these other guys. And it's like, well, then I'm going to leave.
Really? Well, because those guys got drugs.

Speaker 2 I got to go with the guys that have drugs. Right.
Your house is nice, but I got to go get high. So you're one of those guys that probably were friends with everyone.

Speaker 2 I had a lot of friends in different groups. I was pretty cool about about like, I had a lot of groups.
Yeah, like I knew kids in certain and all different like vectors.

Speaker 2 For me, it's if I went to school now,

Speaker 2 I would be friends with the ones that are a little cool,

Speaker 2 right? Because if the day comes, right, that they might give you a pass.

Speaker 2 Right, right, right. Right, this is it, this is the reenactment.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah. Give yourself to Jesus.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee? Yeah, remember? I gave you the Tootsie?

Speaker 2 The Tootsie Roll guy? The Tootsie Roll guy. The Tootsie Roll guy.
Hey, hey. I love you.
Thanks. Can you point...
Oh, sorry. Sorry.

Speaker 2 I love you. I love you.
You want to know the Tootsie?

Speaker 2 Throw it in my mouth.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 Oh, and then I'll be. And then you're a hero.
I want people magazines of cover.

Speaker 2 You stopped a school shooter. Yeah, yeah.
I'd be like, yeah, like I've I've been practicing throwing Tootsies in people's mouths for like eight years, and I just knew. I timed it out.

Speaker 2 You know, he opened his mouth, I just whipped it right in his mouth. 60 minutes to do a piece about you at your home with like a little target, and you're just sitting with

Speaker 2 sticky Tootsies, and you're throwing it against the wall. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or I could take a Pez dispenser. I could throw the Pez the opposite way.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What were you, Juice? Were you a cool kid in high school?

Speaker 1 I was like, you, in a sense, where I had friends with a lot of different groups. I was friends with the marching band, the orchestra, the choir.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. That's all the same one.

Speaker 2 She's like, that's the same group. She's like, flags.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 The brass section.

Speaker 2 The woodwinds.

Speaker 2 Woodwins were the shit.

Speaker 2 I knew nobody in that section, but

Speaker 2 I guess the only musicians I knew were like guys like you.

Speaker 2 What do you mean guys like me? Well, guys that did drugs and experimental music. I was friends with a lot of those kind of people.

Speaker 1 Oh, the jazz musicians.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 What the fuck are you talking about? Jesus Christ, Jesus. How long have you known us?

Speaker 2 Jazz, yeah.

Speaker 1 I went to this high school field trip.

Speaker 1 We went to a college to watch the college jazz band play and this guy took me, like one of the student teachers took me into this car ride with one of the college trumpet players.

Speaker 2 And I thought, I was like, oh, cool.

Speaker 1 I'm going to hang out with them before their big concert. And they rolled this giant blunt and we drove around Flagstaff, Arizona, just smoking this blunt.

Speaker 1 And then they were like, oh, shit, we got to get her back to class.

Speaker 2 And they dropped me off and I was just high as shit.

Speaker 1 And I know my whole band could sell.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 I was felt like I was going to get in so much trouble. But I mean, that's the best way to learn jazz.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is.

Speaker 2 That is real. One time we skipped out, and I had,

Speaker 2 it was the end of the year, and we had chemistry. And in chemistry, they told us we were going to do tie-dye.
And chemistry for me was right after lunch.

Speaker 2 And I was like, all right, so we're going to go get stoned at lunch and then we'll come back and do tie-dye shirts.

Speaker 2 Because that was kind of like, you know, at the end of the lesson plan season, they're like, just fucking something related to the subject a little bit. They're not trying at all, the teachers.

Speaker 2 So this woman was like, we'll just do tie-dye, right?

Speaker 2 And everyone was stoked. So we went out and got stoned.
And this particular day, I remember my buddy John, Martitius, was like, he's like, this is purple haze.

Speaker 2 And I was like, okay, dude, what, you know, like the names of weed at some point, we were like, yeah, sure, dude, whatever. It's all the same.
Let's get high. And I got

Speaker 2 so unbelievably high that I remember walking up to the stairs to go back into the gymnasium and seeing them.

Speaker 2 It was like three levels, and I got nervous about how long it was going to take me to get up all the stairs.

Speaker 2 And then as soon as I finished that, that one goal done, then it was getting to the classroom. Wow.
Almost impossible. Wow.
Got there, was so fucking high. She knew something was wrong.

Speaker 2 I couldn't tie-die. Couldn't figure it out.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 It's the only thing you should be able to do. Because the rubber bands, I didn't understand.
She was explaining how you could do the rubber bands in different ways.

Speaker 2 And I just fucked it up every I would fuck it up. I'd over dip and then under dunk.

Speaker 1 Your shirt came out perfectly orange. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's this shirt. This is the shirt that I made in my school.

Speaker 2 It's just all black. I just feel like it's the simplest thing to do.
It's like a Jackson Pollock painting. I was so like, you can't do that? I know, dude, but I was just, it was uncomfortably high.

Speaker 2 I couldn't focus. I was getting nervous about everyone thinking that I was acting weird.

Speaker 2 Did you have, in your school, did you have, did you have to raise your hand to go to the bathroom or could you just leave? No, you absolutely had to ask.

Speaker 2 We had to have hall passes, dude, because we had so many kids who would ditch or skip and all that shit. Yeah.
You had to have a fucking hall pass. Do you remember that, guys? Yeah.
Sucked.

Speaker 2 We had one girl that could just leave.

Speaker 2 Because she was.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, it turns out she was born. I swear to God.
What? They're like, I don't want to say her name, but her name is very like.

Speaker 2 That's what you had to call her.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We had a couple of those. Oh, you were in the special class?

Speaker 2 Maybe I was.

Speaker 2 I had to wear a helmet. Is Is that bad?

Speaker 2 But they made you wear a football helmet? A full football helmet? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, we had a couple of kids that had Tourette's that were allowed to come and go as they pleased when they felt like they were overwhelmed. No, this girl was born without an anal muscle.
I gotta go.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding. That's enough for me.
What do you mean? No, what do you mean? She was born with no anal muscle. Well, you just gotta get it.
You just gotta lift some ass weights.

Speaker 2 I guess back in the day they did a drawstring. What?

Speaker 2 Around the. I swear to God.
So she had a little drawstring.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding you, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and you close it up that way. I guess this day, right, it was a little wet, fucked up the drawstring, right? And it kind of

Speaker 2 opened up a bit. Oh, no.
So she was able to go walk out. And every time she would walk out, the whole class wouldn't.
No, everybody but you.

Speaker 2 I can see her drawstring. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but she... And her laugh.
I can't say. No, but do not say her name.
I know, but I'm going to tell you why.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why I have to to say her name, and that you have to beep it out, right? Okay. Her name was.

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 2 What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 No way. I swear to God.

Speaker 2 That's what her name was. What? Right.

Speaker 2 So you have to understand.

Speaker 2 Is your analyking?

Speaker 2 Yeah. So, yeah, we.
Poor girl. And she was hot as fuck.
She was so hot. Yeah.
Well, so then who cares about the anal leak? Right. She was a leaker, but she was hot.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, wait, she could you did the thing, was it installed?

Speaker 2 What do you mean installed? Her pulley system. Was that installed? Well, you think your parents did it? Like, well, I mean, a doctor, or did she do it? Is it a thing that she does?

Speaker 2 In my mind, it's like, you mean it's like a tampon string that sticks out of the phone? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Like flushing itself. Yeah, like flushing an old chain toilet or or like my chimney.
You know, my chimney has a chain that opens the flap. No one ever brought it up to her.
But you all knew.

Speaker 2 But it was just kind of like folklore. And from what I've gathered, right,

Speaker 2 it's a surgical process.

Speaker 2 So a doctor installed it, though. Yeah.
You know, it's not a home-cut kit. I guess they surgically implanted like a string inside the tush.
Yeah, the anal, where the anal muscle is supposed to be.

Speaker 2 Right. And then it comes out of the flesh.
And I guess you draw it like that.

Speaker 1 I got a question.

Speaker 2 Like a pool cue.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess like a pool cue. Yeah, like a pool cue.
Like a pool cue. You got to be careful.
You know what I mean? You got to keep a steady hand. Yeah.
You one slip and you're in. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because there's no barrier there. If you have no anal muscles, I imagine at any point it can just give way.
It's a kind of an arrow. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, right.
It's a more of an legal arrow thing.

Speaker 2 And you have to hold it against your cheek. You have to hold it against your cheek.
It goes right against your cheek. And look at your arm starts to shake.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know how much longer I could hold it.

Speaker 2 Shit. Shit.
Can you imagine the stress? Yeah. This poor girl, by the way, I hope her butthole's fixed.
Well, I'm sure technology. probably not, though, huh?

Speaker 2 Do they have robotic anal buttholes now? Can you just...

Speaker 2 Well, you know, like, you know, they give you bovine hearts. You know that, right? You could get a cow's heart or cow's valves installed.
But at the heart. But they have valves, really? Bovine.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's nothing correct. So I imagine maybe they do a bovine asshole.
Can you get a bovine butthole? Anal steroids, anal stenosis is the anal opening. too small or does not relax open properly.

Speaker 2 This may be treated with surgery, then a large anal opening. I think she had the other problem.
I think it was too big.

Speaker 1 She had to wind it down. An anal reduction.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, she had a reduction. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, if they're doing all that work on her ass, why don't they just put a new butthole in?

Speaker 2 Just install a new one? Yeah. See, you know, that's the problem with your generation.
Yeah. You got to fix what's going on.
You don't want to say it. Don't throw it away.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, no, the anal is what they're doing.
You can't do other things. I want Botox in my cheeks, my nose.
You know what I mean? You can't do that.

Speaker 2 Your generation just wants to throw stuff away and buy something new. How about fixing what you got?

Speaker 1 When it's a broken ass, I think just fix it. Fix it.

Speaker 2 The ass isn't broken. The hole is.

Speaker 2 The whole thing isn't broken. Yeah, it's not shat.
It's not. Yeah, the ass was beautiful.
It was a great ass. It was a great ass.
Yeah. The hole was broken.
And that's fine. Sometimes the hole breaks.

Speaker 1 I'm saying replace it.

Speaker 2 I bet you there's somebody out there right now getting their ass broken right and as we speak. Well, that's an interesting question.
So

Speaker 2 I'm not

Speaker 2 an ass guy. I've never had it in my...
I have had it in my ass. Yeah, what do you think? You're right.
You're right. You're right.
That's how we started the show.

Speaker 2 But what I'm saying, are there people that get anally, you know, people have sex with them anally, and does their butthole, does it deteriorate? Sure does. Oh, I see.
No, it sure does.

Speaker 2 In fact, and prolapsing is a big problem. You know about prolapsing, don't you? I call it the tail, the tail.
The tail, when the tail comes out. Yeah, yeah, the attitude tail.

Speaker 2 When your innies come out. Yeah.
That's a real thing. You can break your butt for sure.
I would do that, though. You break your butt.
I would keep it out. You know what I'd do for Halloween?

Speaker 2 I would put glue on it and put fur on it.

Speaker 2 So it looks like I'm like a rat tail or something.

Speaker 2 That'd be cool, dude.

Speaker 2 Someone comes to the door, you're like, trick-or-treat? They're like, what's your costume? You just turn around, like, oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Shoot him. But I would do the ears and everything.
He'd be a cute whisker. I would do the ears, the little whiskers.
Are you a fox? A little fox? I don't know what I am.

Speaker 2 It depends on how long the tail is. Right.
Well, I imagine yours is pretty long. Real long.
You got

Speaker 2 a three-foot tail. Yeah.
Like the upper intestines are in the. It all fell out.
Yeah. And that day, it all fell out.

Speaker 2 I want to give a shout out, by the way, moving on from this disgusting conversation because we've lost some listeners.

Speaker 2 God bless, rest in peace, to somebody we featured on the show. I've been getting tweeted for the past two days.
Waffler6ix9ine passed away.

Speaker 2 This dude we showed him eating Batman cereal. He died how? He died of a heart attack, I think.
Is that right or am I wrong? It's right. And he died a few days after he

Speaker 2 DM us to be on the show. Yeah, he DM'd and wanted to be on the show, and the guy fucking passed away.
So, rest in peace, Waffler6ix9ine.

Speaker 2 That is very, very sad because we, dude, I thought he was so funny.

Speaker 2 I know what we got to do.

Speaker 2 We what? We got to get a Ouija board. To talk to Waffler69? He needs to be a guest, though.

Speaker 2 I mean, we have the board. We have a Ouija board? Yeah, we have one.

Speaker 2 We do? Yeah. We have a fucking wee.
Oh, wow. These guys buy stuff sometimes without our permission.
Why would you have that?

Speaker 2 Well, I got to tell you, they also, Pete bought a condo on our company card. What? And I can't get a stupid apartment.
Well, I don't understand. Well, Pete also goes, it's a business expense.

Speaker 2 And I was like, how? And he's like, because I do business there. And so we let it.
So Pete bought a condo on the company card. Isn't that true? On the bad friends card? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I guess we got to support it. I don't know.
He's got a family.

Speaker 2 Do we want to take it away from him? I don't know. Yeah, well, definitely.
We definitely should.

Speaker 2 He's the guy. If you ever want to, he said, I'm the guy in the post.
If you ever want me on the show eating weird shit with you, I'm here for it. I really got no sadness.
I got really got sad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, no, dude, I'm not.

Speaker 2 And you know what's funny? People tweeted at me for the past, like, two days or whatever. And I haven't responded to the tweets because

Speaker 2 I just didn't know what to say. Like, I don't want to make any sort of inclination or joke about it because it was really fucking sad.

Speaker 2 And we featured him him on the show because i thought he was very funny and his shit was his page was filled with fun hilarious shit and he was very self-aware of like his brand so it was a fucking bummer man yeah because because uh

Speaker 2 rest in peace uh lisa marie died too from a heart attack who lisa marie presley yeah yeah shut the fuck up are you joking she's 54 yeah she died two days ago or three days ago from a heart attack well this episode will be out in like a month after yeah she's still but still what the fuck really got crazy and and the mom's still alive priscilla And she's like, 70, 70.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's 77. Wait, she's 77.
How old is Lisa? How old is Lisa? 54.

Speaker 2 She's so young. So young.

Speaker 2 Lisa Musi singers are a daughter of Elvis dies at 54. Yeah.
Jesus. It sucks.

Speaker 2 What's going on? Can we be honest? People die from heart attacks. Not really, though.
What do you mean? Is this from the

Speaker 2 Biden administration? Is this from the Biden administration? Yeah. Is this some working from the Biden administration?

Speaker 2 The New World Order, though. But seriously, though, this is sad.
It's so sad. What the fuck? But you know what? And by the way, Elvis' only child.
Do you know that?

Speaker 2 He didn't have any other kids that we know of. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So that's it.

Speaker 2 Because Elvis' legacy now, there is no boy, Elvis. He didn't have a boy.
Well, he did have two children, though. Gone? He had, right? He had her, Lisa Marie.
And his wife. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She was a child.

Speaker 2 She was.

Speaker 2 Yes, she was. So I guess he had a couple of kids.
Yes, he had two kids. Yeah, he had a couple of kids.

Speaker 2 That is so fucked, man. Wow.
Sad. Is that her? Did he die of a heart attack? How is that not in the movie? What? No one brings it up in the fucking movie.
Because they don't want to tarnish.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, no one, one guy just a little too young.

Speaker 2 In the movie. You know, they're going to make a.
Well, when Michael Jackson comes, like, what are they going to do when they make a film about him? And by the way, who would play Michael?

Speaker 1 Out of you two?

Speaker 2 No. Wow.

Speaker 1 That was Michael Jackson.

Speaker 2 What was that?

Speaker 2 We just got the Ouija board out. You guys got the fucking Ouija board and that just fell on its own? Yes.
In the fucking year and a half that that's been out, that's never fallen?

Speaker 2 Whoa, dude, that's fucking great. He's here.
He's saying something. He's already here.
Okay, let's talk to him. I'm dead serious.

Speaker 1 That's awesome.

Speaker 2 I wish we could dim the lights. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, we can dim the lights.

Speaker 2 These don't dim.

Speaker 2 I can turn them off. Okay, turn one off so we can talk to him.
Waffler69. And Pete, can you get back on the board so we can understand what his real name was?

Speaker 2 So I don't just call him Waffler6ix9ine, because I don't know if his family would be chill about that. Because I want to respect the dead.
By the way, I do want to say this. Let's respect the dead.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We are a fucking. We might not need this.
No, no, no, we should. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. We do want to respect the dead.
Let's see if we can talk to him.

Speaker 2 Is this fucking mean? It's a little mean. All right, we should.
That's what I felt like. I just felt like weird.

Speaker 2 Something hit me in a weird way. I regret it.
Okay, let's not do the Buigi board. Yeah.
I just felt weird. Something felt weird, right? Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Put a bandage on the shadow money. That should be an ad.
That's a great term, by the way. Over 3 million people have used Rocket Money, saving the average person $720 a year.
I'm not going to lie.

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Rocketmoney.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 Have you ever eaten at Bubba Gump? Bubble Gump shrimp? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you fucking serious? There's one at the Universal City. Where do you think I got married?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right. I put my feet in Bubba Gump.

Speaker 2 Were we not friends enough for you to invite me to your wedding? I went, it was at Bubba Gump at Universal City. Yeah, but I was never invited.
Because it was at Universal Studios.

Speaker 2 You're not allowed there. Oh, that's true.
That's true. A couple years ago.
That's right.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Have I been to Bubba Gump? Absolutely fucking lutely not. I know, but we should try.
Why? Because every time I walk by there, I go, that can't be good. Well, let's go.
Okay, you know.

Speaker 2 Have you been to Bubba Gump?

Speaker 1 Uh-uh. I've never experienced Universal either.

Speaker 2 Wait, you've never to the City Walk? I know Universal. Don't try that with us.
Oh, yeah, that's it. That's what we're doing.
No, I haven't.

Speaker 2 That's a Maestro's thing. I've never been to Maestro's.

Speaker 2 She's good at this.

Speaker 2 She wants free shit.

Speaker 1 But I would love to go to Universal with you guys, but also, I have never been.

Speaker 2 You've never been to Universal Studios? Yeah. What about the City Walk, though?

Speaker 1 I've been there on work as a production assistant getting release forms.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. But you've never been as a tourist.
As a tourist. No.
I've been. Yeah.
Well, they're two different things. City Walk is, you could just walk.
It's a mall.

Speaker 1 Yeah, City Walk was okay. Yeah, Studios is the park.

Speaker 2 The Studios is the park. You've never been to the park.

Speaker 1 Never been to the park.

Speaker 2 In the same, we have to go. We have to go.
And also, you know what we have to do? Yeah. Now, because technically I work for the mouse.
You know, I technically work for the mouse. Yeah.
You do?

Speaker 2 Well, Hulu is owned by Disney. It is? Yeah.
Yeah. Whoa.
So they own everybody. Disney owns us.
Do you know? We sold this show to Disney. Well, that's crazy.
Hold on one second. All right, kids.

Speaker 2 Do you want three-for-one passes this weekend? Click on the link below.

Speaker 2 So we just have to do that every once in a while. Was that Elmo? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was Elmo. From Disney.

Speaker 2 Elmo was the Tickle Me Elmo, was such a creepy thing. It's the best.
It's creepy to be like,

Speaker 2 just wait, do you know who created

Speaker 2 Elmo, right? It's a fuck sure, a Japanese guy. No, not a Japanese guy.

Speaker 2 Kevin Shields. No, no, no, Kevin Clash.
Right, Kevin Clash? From the band The Clash? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 So, dude, dude, listen to me, dude. I am.
All right. Just a black guy.
Okay, but wait a minute.

Speaker 2 What? What do you mean? The way you said it. You were like, I'll tell you why, though.
A black guy.

Speaker 2 I know, because would you. Because they don't like puppets.
They love puppets. I know, but you said Japanese.
Well, that seemed reasonable. I know.
They create most things.

Speaker 2 I know, but Kevin Clash, that's his name, right? Yeah. So he grew up in Baltimore.
Yeah. Focus, focus.
I'm listening. All right.

Speaker 2 He grew up in Baltimore and in sort of like, you know, a very not an urban kind of environment. Go on.
Is that not the right word? What do you mean by urban? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Buildings? Yeah. Like there's buildings.

Speaker 2 Urban outfitters. Oh, there's.
Oh.

Speaker 2 He grew up in an urban outfitter. All right, so bad, bad, bad records.

Speaker 2 Yeah, bad records and bad clothes. Yeah, yeah, cheap pillows.
But my point is.

Speaker 2 So Kevin Clash grew up in bills. Yeah, and he, you know,

Speaker 2 all of his brothers and sisters, you know, they went to school, you know, played sports and that. Did you say brothers and sisters?

Speaker 2 What did you say?

Speaker 2 Bradley's a sister. Oh, his brothers and sisters.
I didn't hear what you said. Oh, Diamond died.
We'll get to that. All right.
Everybody's dead.

Speaker 2 And by the way, this episode should be called Everybody's Dead. Yeah, everyone's dead.
Anyway, Diamond Dead. We'll get back to it.
Remind me of Diamond. Right? But

Speaker 2 so he would watch Sesame Street and goes, I want to make that. And so he would go to his mom's, you know, his dad's like fur coat and just make puppets out of it.
His mom's fur coat, you mean?

Speaker 2 Don't black people men wear fur coats? Isn't that funny? They do. Why don't we do that? Are we not allowed to wear fur coats as I know, but blades wear black coats? They do wear furs.

Speaker 2 They're in the 70s. Yeah.
Yeah. No, they still do.
I saw a guy outside wearing a fur coat. Yeah.
That's cool. Yeah, he was selling like

Speaker 2 charging cords. Oh, charging cords.
Yeah, for like the iPhones. Why are you guys whispering now?

Speaker 2 Well, because if we like, we're not supposed to be talking about it for bad boy stuff, and no one can hear us. If we whisper, nobody can hear us.
So, anyway, he,

Speaker 2 but then he went from that environment, got to meet, you know, Frank Oz and everybody, and then then, so he works at Sesame Street. And the Elmo, they had two other guys had Elmo for years.

Speaker 2 He, Elmo had different voices. Yeah, one time Elmo sounded like this, man.
How did that work out? Didn't work. And didn't work.
Not good. Take your pants off.
Yeah, take your pants off.

Speaker 2 Why was he taking your pants off?

Speaker 2 He's naked like me. I'm Elmo.
Yeah, yeah. So he was like that.
Another guy with me. Ha!

Speaker 2 I'm Elmo.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then one day, one guy just threw it at Kevin.
Like, you take this puppet. No one could figure it out.
No one could run it.

Speaker 2 And he sat with the puppet and he goes, squeezed on his nuts as hard as he could.

Speaker 2 Elmo, like,

Speaker 2 how else can he get there?

Speaker 2 I mean, he had to have someone kick him in the dick before he performed everything.

Speaker 2 Because he looks like a big guy. He's a big dude.
Like, how is his voice get that high?

Speaker 2 He's a pro. So tell me what he's doing.
And he sat in the mirror with this red thing. Hello.

Speaker 2 Emerald. Elmo.
Emerald. Ladies and gentlemen, Elmir.
Yeah. Hello.
I'm Elmo. I'm Elmo.
Right. And then he did, and he goes, every puppet, Muppet needs a point of view.
Yes. That's how they do it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They find a point of view. Like, this one loves kids too much or whatever.
Oh, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 that's snuffle up against by the way. Yeah, that's the beginning.
That's what he said. He said about what he did.

Speaker 2 But Elmo, he goes, is pure what?

Speaker 2 Wait, he's pure. Elmo's Elmo's pure juice, you know? Gay? He's not pure gay.
Oh, he's not pure gay. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Elmo is pure what? It's one word. Elmo is pure.
Pure joy. Joy.
No. Love.
Love. Love.
Love. Not joy.
Love. Love.
And that's what.

Speaker 2 And then it became, and now Kevin Clash became the showrunner of Sesame Street. And he's still doing it today.
I think so, yeah. Millionaire.
I love that story. Yeah, yeah.
Millionaire, this guy.

Speaker 2 Because his heart is so beautiful. That this guy's got a really good heart.
Yeah. And you can feel it through Elmo.
Because when you listen and see Elmo, this is interesting.

Speaker 2 I'm being genuine. Don't be mean because I'm a huge fan of Kevin Clash.
Come on, buddy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm saying what's interesting is the embodiment of the puppet is based on the attitude of the puppeteer. That's right.
So, in the Sesame Street world,

Speaker 2 she

Speaker 2 is Elmo. Elmo.
That's right. You are

Speaker 2 Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster.
Yes. I'm not Cookie Monster.
Yes, you are.

Speaker 2 Oh, I know what you are, then. And I am Oscar the Grouch.
Oscar the Grouch. Groucher, you love the show?

Speaker 2 I forgot to say the one, the green, the

Speaker 2 tang. By the way, Groucher sounds like the European version.
Yeah, yeah. When we're like, Oscar the Grouch, and like,

Speaker 2 Mr. Groucher.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're right. Mr.
the Groucher. So you're Oscar.
100%. 100%.
Live in the trash. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Elmo, Grouch, Cookie Monster. Yeah.
And that's Burton Ernie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Burton Ernie. If I've ever seen two guys that are secretly fucking and we don't know.
George Kimmel is Big Burt. Big Bert, for sure.
Big Bert, yeah, for sure. Bryce is Snuffleupagus.
What?

Speaker 2 Bryce, Bryce. He is Snufflegus.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 He is Snuffalupagus. He is Snuffalupus.
That's who he is. He shuffles around the office.
You guys fucking see it. Yeah.
Who's Carlos? Beaker.

Speaker 2 No, but that's not Sesame Street. But he might be Beaker.
No, Beakers? No, Beakers from

Speaker 2 Muppets. Yeah, different.
Sesame Street is. Oh, fuck.
I fucked it up.

Speaker 2 Carlos is. What about the...

Speaker 2 Because I want to know the difference between Muppets and see if I can get this right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Do you know much about it?

Speaker 1 I just realized they're different when you said that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, so I just read Sesame Street is the same. So the dog.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Which one's that? That Muppets. That's a Muppet.
What's his name?

Speaker 2 Pooch? No. No, what's his name? What's his name?

Speaker 1 Animal.

Speaker 2 Animal.

Speaker 1 You're thinking of Animal. No, no, animal is animal.

Speaker 2 No, no, Animal is the drummer. The drummer, yeah.
What is the dog's name? Right there, you had it up top. Rolf, Rolf, Rolf, the dog.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you something right now? I'm Rolf. No, the Chinese version of the show? Same, same.
Same Rolf.

Speaker 2 No. No, other than Rolf.
No, I was going to say we're using the Chan Chinese name to pronounce him. It originally was Wolf, and they were like, Rolf.
Yeah, yeah. Rolfal.

Speaker 2 No, Rolf is if you watch Sesame Street. If you watch Sesame Street,

Speaker 2 you look at their version of Big Bird,

Speaker 2 he has a little thing. He opens the stomach, and you can see his, and Rolf is in the stomach.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah, because Big Boy's a Chinese. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 They ate Rolf. They ate Rolf.
They ate Rolf. By the way, this is what's weird about Rolf, that picture that you're showing right there.
You know, he's blind.

Speaker 2 That's why they have him looking up like that. Right.
Rolf is blind.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's the look of every girl that sees my penis for the first time.

Speaker 2 I know that look. I know that look.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It's always that.
That is so funny.

Speaker 2 That is literally. Yeah, because she's smiling, kind of.
Yeah. She's like, it's okay.
Also, it's like, should I? Should I?

Speaker 2 Yeah, like, she's on the fence. She's also dead inside.
She's dead on the inside. Yeah.
Or you're watching her die right now. Or I should have gone to college.

Speaker 2 I should have gotten this dating app or whatever. Yeah, yeah.
That is so funny.

Speaker 2 And then I know that look.

Speaker 2 So is Carlos Rolf? I don't. I mean, oh, that's Muppets now.
That's Muppets. So give us the cast of Sesame Tree.
Yeah, no, no, I want to. So let's do a game.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So Rolf is, right, Miss Piggy, Muppets. Yeah.
Yeah. Right, Kermit the Frog.
Muppets. Muppets.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The Vampire.

Speaker 2 The Countess.

Speaker 2 The Countess Sesame Street. Sesame Street.
There's a crew. Oh, that's the crew.

Speaker 2 Is that Bob Sagett on the top right?

Speaker 2 Zoom in. I don't know Bob Sagett.

Speaker 2 Bob Sagett was on Sesame Street.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that, wow. Who is that?

Speaker 2 So, what a weird. See, the ones I remember are Oscar.
Yeah, what about the little one right there? with the pink with the blonde hair? What was that?

Speaker 2 I've never seen that girl before. That's Jules.
That's Jules. Oh, that's Jules.

Speaker 2 That's Jules in a wig.

Speaker 2 And oh, boy, that's what's his name next to him?

Speaker 2 What's Blue Man? What's Rover? Grover. Oh, Grover, maybe.

Speaker 2 Grover, yeah. Maybe that's Carlos.

Speaker 2 That's Carlos. Go over a little bit.
Go over.

Speaker 2 What's the big blue one in the back? Eric Griffin? Yeah, that is Eric Griffin.

Speaker 2 What's that name? What is his name? Nobody knows. You guys should know.
You have kids, kids, Pete. How do you not know this?

Speaker 2 I don't pay attention. Yeah, good dad.

Speaker 2 See, this is the new thing about Sesame State. They've added over the years.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's what it is, yeah. Yeah, but there's the count right there kicking it hard.
Oh, you're kicking it, kid. You know what the problem with the count was? What?

Speaker 2 They kind of would make fun. He wasn't like in the main click.
He was like his own guy.

Speaker 2 And they found out years later why no one got along with him. He's on the spectrum.
He's autistic.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Well, because at first they were like, it's cool. He knows how how to count.
But then at some point, well, he never stops. Oh, he doesn't stop.

Speaker 2 Like, and he'll count like when he stepped, when he's walking, he's just like, 400, 400, one.

Speaker 2 So he's autistic. That's what I'm saying.
I did not know that.

Speaker 2 You're right. Yep.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Autism.
Ask this guy a date. Be like, you know, Wednesday,

Speaker 2 Wednesday, you know,

Speaker 2 in November of 1912. You know,

Speaker 2 he'll know

Speaker 2 exactly.

Speaker 2 He knows dates, probably, too. That's what I'm saying.
Holocaust. Yeah.
He doesn't know that one. Oh, he doesn't.

Speaker 2 Why does he know that one? He avoids talking about it. Oh, he doesn't.
Oh, is he Jewish? Well, he's from Eastern Europe.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. It's a little

Speaker 2 gudgey. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I've asked him, I was like, the count,

Speaker 2 where are your ancestors from? He's like, we're from Nebraska. And I was like, oh, that's weird.
What? What? Yeah. Like, where are your parents' parents from? And he goes, from Maine.

Speaker 2 And I was like, so you guys went from Maine to Nebraska to Sesame Street. And I was like, what about before then? He's like, that was a different time altogether.

Speaker 2 And they went up, what about the Holocaust? One.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. Two.
All right, that's what he is. Three.

Speaker 2 And he goes to six million. He'll start counting.

Speaker 2 He goes all the way to six million. And then at the end, he goes, that's how many people died.

Speaker 2 No, at the end, he goes, he'll go, he goes, he goes, 5,909,099. Yeah.

Speaker 2 6 million, so they say. That's what he says.

Speaker 2 He says, so they say. Right.
So they say. Why? Wow.
Weird guy.

Speaker 2 Okay. Weird guy.

Speaker 2 Show me that thing I just sent to you guys the other day. Will you please? Yes.
These guys got some.

Speaker 2 This, this, okay. This is a real thing.
This happens every year in the state of Iowa. It's called the Husband Calling Competition.
I was put onto this from the internet.

Speaker 2 This is a fucking real competition at the county fair. And you can look at the photo.
You can tell it's Iowa.

Speaker 2 And this is a real competition that people win every year. Look at that.
Look at the crowd, too. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They didn't like my Trump joke. Yeah.
That does better than a Rick Lassman show.

Speaker 2 This is a good idea. This is.
Sorry, Rick. He's going to snap.
He's going to kill you. Yeah, he's going to murder you.

Speaker 2 Let's hear the husband calling.

Speaker 2 Good dinner nuts. Where are you hiding? I know you're.

Speaker 2 This country.

Speaker 2 Push pause for a second.

Speaker 2 First of all, this is the greatest country in the world. You're lucky to be here.
Exactly. Scumbag.
They should have a little meter of penises going down.

Speaker 2 Right? It's just like all the

Speaker 2 husbands they just go,

Speaker 2 you know, they take Viagra and see if they can still stay hard when they're yelling. Steve!

Speaker 2 Steer!

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, this is incredible.

Speaker 2 I love it. It's real.
I love it. Get back in here.

Speaker 2 Yep, that's a one.

Speaker 2 Sturdy base on this girl, man. She's got it.

Speaker 2 Incredible.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 2 Honey.

Speaker 2 Simon.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Simon.
Yep.

Speaker 2 John Brown.

Speaker 2 I hate it. I hate it.
That's enough. That's enough.
It's enough. It's enough.
It's enough.

Speaker 2 This is on public broadcasting. Yep.

Speaker 2 And crazily enough, CBS is going to make a show on this. There's going to be a whole sitcom, husband calling.
They should also have the responses of the the husbands. Husband's calling.

Speaker 2 Danny? What?

Speaker 2 Oh, you think that? That's me. Oh, yeah? Yeah.
You know, some of them are like.

Speaker 2 No, okay. So it's either that or it's call me.

Speaker 2 All right. Like Mark, or whatever my name is, well, let me.
I want you to talk.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes, my love. See, that's it.
Yeah, that's most of those. All right, so they'll give you another one.
I'll give you another one. Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.

Speaker 2 My bad, my bad. Yeah, see?

Speaker 2 Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, babe. That's that perfect.
Yeah, babe. That's perfect.
Yeah, that's what most guys do. Yeah, babe.
All right, you do it. I want to try this.
Let's see if you want to be the husband. Okay, ready?

Speaker 2 Let's see if you're if this is a real woman that lives in your home. Let's say you're in love.
You find love.

Speaker 2 You find new love. How hot is she? Because if it looks like

Speaker 2 them. Oh, but hey, careful.

Speaker 2 Why do I have to be careful? These are real people. I love them.

Speaker 2 Right? But what I'm saying is that. If they look like this woman right there.
Okay, if that woman looked like Megan Fox,

Speaker 2 still, your response would be a little different.

Speaker 1 She might have, like 50 years ago. 50, 70.

Speaker 2 50, you wish.

Speaker 2 This is 50 years ago, by the way.

Speaker 2 Yeah. All right, so let's hear.
Let's hear. Ready? Yeah.
Bobby!

Speaker 2 Yeah?

Speaker 2 That's very good. That is very good.

Speaker 2 I tried to be as real as I could. All right, now I'm Megan Fox.
Oh, yeah. Bobby!

Speaker 2 What's up, babe?

Speaker 2 Very calm. Yeah.
She's pissed. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 You bring her to the bottom. I don't want to start a fight because in 45 minutes, I want to tag it.
Do you want to hit it? I want to hit that thing.

Speaker 2 But you have to come in with like a mellow vibe, dude. And then at some point,

Speaker 2 one day she goes, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, turn off your video games. Yeah.
I want you to meet Machine Gun Kelly.

Speaker 2 Can I speak to Machine Gun? I met him two days ago.

Speaker 2 You're speaking to him right now, bro. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 It's so weird that you said his name.

Speaker 2 I met him in the, he was in the main room.

Speaker 1 Did you know that? Yeah, he, I, yeah.

Speaker 2 What's up? I'm at him. It's me.
What up? Hey, Machine. Hey, man.

Speaker 2 Can I call you, Machine? It's Mr. Gunn.
Callie, it's Mr. Kelly.

Speaker 2 I'll call you Mr. Gunn then now.
Mr. Gunn Callie, please.
Mr. Gunn Kelly, how are you?

Speaker 2 What are you doing in my house? About to fuck your girl, dog. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 Explain to me what you would do about it. Well, what I would do is I would probably.

Speaker 2 Megan!

Speaker 2 He calls out to me.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would probably delete every album

Speaker 2 I have of yours. Oh, Bummer won't do shit to me, dog.
And then he just starts eating glass.

Speaker 2 He's on Dave, by the way.

Speaker 2 We announced that Dave season three three is April 5th, and he's one of the people we could talk about. Cool.
Oh, he's a great guy. Him, Megan Fox, Don Cheadle,

Speaker 2 Usher, Rick Ross. They're on Dave?

Speaker 1 Yeah, all these people. Hey, now, I saw a promo Gato posted today, and it was in front of a tour bus.

Speaker 2 That's right. Yeah, we're on tour this season.

Speaker 1 And we're on tour.

Speaker 2 And we're on tour this season.

Speaker 2 Which one?

Speaker 2 They're doing a musical tour, though. No, no, no.
On the show, we did a bus tour. Oh, you did?

Speaker 1 They did the stand-up comedy tour.

Speaker 2 Stand-up comedy tour.

Speaker 2 Gato would rip. I love it.
Dave would do well, too. It's kind of weird.
Gata's a great guy. They all would do well.
Gator's a good guy.

Speaker 2 I kind of want to say the other names that are on the show that blow your fucking mind, but I don't know. Can't do it.
I know. I know.
It's so weird. Can't do it.
You have one guy.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to say it. You have one guy who's probably the biggest star on planet Earth.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And you have his pants.

Speaker 2 I have his pants. Yeah.
And it's also a little shocking that we had a talk at FX yesterday. We had the press thing yesterday, the TCAs, which is, by the way.
Nightmare.

Speaker 2 One of the worst things imaginable. I almost grabbed the wheel of the driver's car to crash on the way there, so I thought, if we get in an accident on on the way there, I won't have to do it.

Speaker 2 Did you ever do these? But imagine they wheel me in on a gurney.

Speaker 2 And they're still asking me questions in the press room. Dude, dude.
Andrew, how did you feel about this role this season?

Speaker 2 I'm like,

Speaker 2 I'm proud to be a part of a show.

Speaker 2 And it's so much viewership. They would fucking never let me out of it.
Did you ever have to do this where you have to wake up at four in the morning and call in?

Speaker 2 They have 80 radio stations you have to call in. Yes.
From 4 in the morning to like 9. Yes.
And you're sitting there just talking. Oh, my God.
It's the worst. It's so hard.

Speaker 2 It's hard on your patience level because you go like room to room to room to room in a hotel, in a fancy hotel, and you sit and you talk to someone on a Zoom computer or you talk to someone

Speaker 2 in like a quickfire rapid format question.

Speaker 2 It's so hard. It's not fun.
But they know it's not fun. But

Speaker 2 we were the fucking. The funnest one, probably.
No, no, dude. We were the, oh, I mean, I'm sorry, as far as like the network goes, because all the shows are there from FX.

Speaker 2 They just get them all done. We were the who gives a shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the whole thing was about the bear. The bear is, they won a Golden Globe

Speaker 2 because Jeremy Allen White is the fucking man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's so funny. Was Sterling there from Reservation Dogs? Reservation Dogs wasn't our day.

Speaker 2 They are not our day. Our day was Justified,

Speaker 2 Bear,

Speaker 2 Dear Mama. Oh, Dear Mama, yeah, yeah.
The Tupac, the Tupac about Tupac and his mother. But what was funny to me is like, the whole fucking thing is supposed to be FX presents that day.

Speaker 2 It was all about the bear. The bar napkins had the bear, had Yes Chef on them.
Oh, my God. Maddie Matheson, our boy, was there, though.
Oh, I love it. Our boyfriend.
Good, good.

Speaker 2 And on the way out, this is how demeaning this is.

Speaker 2 This show's taking the cake for the network for sure. But this is how demeaning it is.

Speaker 2 You went to an FX premiere party for your show, and they handed you a gift box to go, and it was compliments of the bear.

Speaker 2 I have bear merch at my house. So I was driving on.
How does that make you you feel, though, really? Like shit. Yeah.
Like shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, if I'm being genuine, no jokes. It doesn't.

Speaker 2 I don't care. I'm proud for those guys.
I think they're making a good show. Chris Storer,

Speaker 2 one of the executive producers and creators, writers, he's the fucking man. So it's kind of like, I like everybody on that fucking thing.
Lionel's on there, who's the shit. Like, I like that show.

Speaker 2 I think they do a good job. I have qualms with it because I'm from Chicago.
That's a whole different thing. But,

Speaker 2 you know, that's because anything from your hometown, you're going to be like, well,

Speaker 2 that's a little not like a.

Speaker 2 But did it hurt our ego? Not mine, but I saw that some of the other castmates were a little bit bummed that they felt like they were,

Speaker 2 you know. How does it feel that,

Speaker 2 you know, you're Netflix special? Netflix. You're on a hit series, Dave.
Dave. Series regular.
Series regular. And your partner's got nothing going on.

Speaker 1 That's not true ever. But wait, you forgot.

Speaker 2 House parties coming in. That's how it's coming out.
And Beef on A24 with Ali Wong and Stephen Young.

Speaker 2 And a movie called Scrambled, an indie movie I just said, that just made some of the festivals, which is going to be his. How does it feel?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I got nothing going on. And can I tell you the most important thing on my entire calendar? Yeah.
It's the Bad Friends Tour in 2023. That feels good.
Thank you. And I mean every single second of it.

Speaker 2 That's all I have.

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 2 Oh, was that right? Yeah. I just went to the bottom.
Are you clearing your February schedule? Yeah, you clear in February to not go into

Speaker 2 Magnum PI again?

Speaker 2 Can I say something? Yeah, please. I make a dollar on that channel.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, a dollar. A dollar.
Dude, you're.

Speaker 2 All right, that's you're a series regular on a show. I'm reoccurring.
I love Magnum, but it's like not the same thing. You know, it's not the same thing.
I don't know what you get paid.

Speaker 2 You're different than me. Right? And then it's like, I got nothing.
It's fine. I'm asking you.
But it's a dollar. How does it feel good? Does it feel good? I feel pretty good right now.

Speaker 2 You're on top of the world. But

Speaker 2 you got so much going on.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. The only thing I care about is Magnum PI.
I'm sorry, I mean,

Speaker 2 our tour. Yeah, our tour.

Speaker 1 The Magnum thing is cool because

Speaker 1 it's at the comedy store. We're all really excited for that.
One of those episodes. The manager there, Ryan, Patrick Shattuck, he is in the episode with Bobby.
We can't wait.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're really excited about it.

Speaker 2 You know, and I talk to the producer and stuff to get him apart. He says no every time.
But anyway,

Speaker 2 it's hard to get you.

Speaker 2 It's hard to get you. I wasn't in season.

Speaker 2 You're on fire. I was in season when you asked me.
No, as you're fucking... You know what? You're right.
I am Garfunkel.

Speaker 2 Bob?

Speaker 2 I'm Garfunkel. Bobby.
Yeah, yeah. I'm that other guy from Wham.
I know who you're named. No, no, no, no, no.
People know what your name is. You know who you are? What?

Speaker 2 You're Andre 3000.

Speaker 2 And I'm Big Boy from Outcast. That's a huge compliment.
That is. He is a genius.
And he had to go do his own thing, and Big Boy had to do some more business-minded stuff.

Speaker 2 And he says it. I don't know.
He says it.

Speaker 2 I don't know what it is. He says it in the street.
Give me another example because I don't know that. I don't know.
He says, because my N-word had to go and do a little acting.

Speaker 2 And that's for anybody asking.

Speaker 2 Drip, drip, drop. There goes an eargasm.
We got you coming at the side of your face and tapping right into your memory banks. Thanks.

Speaker 2 What he says was, my boy had to go do his thing.

Speaker 2 But God bless, we're still homies. We're outcast.

Speaker 2 I'm Big Boy. You're Andre 3000.

Speaker 2 And she's one of the

Speaker 2 part of the dungeon family. I don't know which one yet.

Speaker 2 I just, I wasn't there. I was just complimenting you.
That's all, and I'm very happy for you. Okay, thank you.
Congratulations.

Speaker 2 Can I keep plugging?

Speaker 2 Better help.

Speaker 2 This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Speaker 2 When you're at your best, you can do great things, but sometimes life gets you bogged down and you may feel overwhelmed or like you're not showing up in the way that you want to.

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Speaker 2 Bob and I are both big proponents of therapy. We've talked about it pretty openly and candidly on the show.
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Speaker 2 Visit betterhelp.com slash badfriends friends today to get 10 off your first month that's betterhelp h-e-l-p.com slash bad friends zock doc you know what dude um i always go on yelp yeah for my food yeah and i thought to myself you know what i should do that with doctors because you're going to doctors all the time all the time and look at zock doc is that zock doc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed take your insurance and are available when you need them and treat almost every condition under the sun bob okay when you're not feeling your best and you're trying to hold it together like me and Bob are sometimes, finding great care shouldn't take up all your energy.

Speaker 2 But I'm telling you, it is hard to find someone that's good. So that's where ZocDoc comes in using their free app, by the way.
Totally free. Millions of users rely on.

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Speaker 2 Okay, so I moved to a new neighborhood and we didn't know what to do and we didn't know who to go to and our old doctor was so far away.

Speaker 2 So, I thought, I'll just try Zoc Doc, and I got to tell you, it works great because it fits with the insurance that you have.

Speaker 2 And you find someone that can help your specialty that you need, and all you have to do is go to zocdoc.com/slash bad friends and download the ZocDoc app for free.

Speaker 2 Then, find and book a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours.
That's z-oc-d-oc-c.com/slash bad friends. Zoc Doc slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 That's z-oc-c-d-oc-c.com/slash bad friends, zocdoc.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 Can I talk a little beef, though, that we might have? Between you and I? Oh.

Speaker 2 I spent, I've been gone for four weeks. And for people that are like, if the episodes seem behind, we had to backlog some of them because I was out of town for a month, one month promoting my special.

Speaker 2 And while I was in Austin, I got to see one of our very, very, very, very good friends. Which is who? Mr.
Adam Egot. Love him.
And we took our dogs for a walk

Speaker 2 along the water. Beautiful.
And we spoke about something. Good.
And he said, do you think Bobby's serious about doing this podcast about Star Trek? Yeah. And I said, what are you talking about?

Speaker 2 And he said, Bobby wants to do a podcast

Speaker 2 about Star Trek. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I said, he didn't tell me about that. He said, yeah, he's dead serious.
He really wants to do it with me week to week.

Speaker 2 And he said, it could take the place of bad friends is literally what he said. He said, that's what you said.
It could take the place of bad friends.

Speaker 2 Do you mean that? Because we can call him and ask if that's what he said you said. Is that real? People that don't know Adam Meek used to be the manager of the comedy store.

Speaker 2 He also was on Norm McDonald's show.

Speaker 2 One of Norm's probably closest friends.

Speaker 2 Tragically lost him, but there he is.

Speaker 2 With Norm.

Speaker 2 Do you care to comment? I'm going to. May I talk?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Number one,

Speaker 2 that's a half-truth.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Imagine if this was court. Yeah.
It's a half-truth. Half-truth, Your Honor.
Okay. Some of that shit is real.

Speaker 2 Some of it is. Yeah.
Number one, him and I are obsessed with Deep Space Nine.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Number two, right?

Speaker 2 Number two, I've been trying to listen to podcasts with Deep Space Nine, you know, I mean, where, you know, Star Trek podcasts. Sure.
And they're not funny and they're not great. Right.
So I said,

Speaker 2 I called Adam. I go, are you interested in doing for a year? That's not what he said? No, that's what I said.
For a year where we wear the fucking costume.

Speaker 2 He thought you said do it for a year, not for a year.

Speaker 2 I'm going to call him now.

Speaker 1 He's saying the same thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm going to call him now. You're going to kill him now? Yeah, Adam Egot.

Speaker 2 And I spent some time, spent some time down in Austin, and I got to tell you.

Speaker 2 You're not going to move there. What?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 It's fun, though. I was there right before you.

Speaker 2 I had a great time. Oh, yeah.
Juice went there and sold out some shows. Famous Amos over here.
Bobby.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, we got a problem, dude. Yes, we do.
What's wrong? You know what the problem is, dude. Don't play dumb.
I'm going to say this too, dude. Don't play dumb.

Speaker 2 The last time I called you, you fucking betrayed me on the show. So, um,

Speaker 2 so did you. What's going on, Adam? Yeah, so, Adam.
Why are you lying to me and then saying something else to Bobby, dude? Adam.

Speaker 2 What's going on? So, you should know what we're

Speaker 2 doing.

Speaker 2 Hey, chill, chill. It's our show.
So, what I'm asking you, dude, is this, brah, all right? I called you to do a Deep Space Nine podcast. No,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you and I were coming up with names, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said tube grubs would be a good one.
Yep.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because that's what Ferengi's. Ferengi's eat tube grubs.

Speaker 2 Space Jews is a good one. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, so you told Andrew Santino that I wanted to replace tube grubs with bad friends.
That's not what I said.

Speaker 2 What I said is that you and I would do. He's either a fucking liar.
Exactly. Deaf as fuck.
Deaf as fuck.

Speaker 2 I love it. We walked along the water, and you said to me, Bobby says he wants to replace bad friends with tube grubs.
That's

Speaker 2 what you say. Adam? Bobby doesn't believe you one bit, bud.
No, I believe.

Speaker 2 I believe Adam on this, dude. Bobby doesn't believe you at all.
Yeah, you're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking idiot, dude.
You're a red-headed idiot, right? Tell him

Speaker 2 what special is going to fucking bomb. Bomb, fail.

Speaker 2 Thank you, dude. So, anyway, you still want to do tube grubs, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but can we not call it that?

Speaker 2 All right, just throw me some names.

Speaker 2 We're never going to get laid anyway, dude.

Speaker 2 We're fucked. You think you're going to get pussy from a Star Trek podcast, you loser?

Speaker 2 Fucking loser. I love you.

Speaker 2 I love you. So you lie.

Speaker 2 Be honest, you lied. Yeah, I was just starting some shit for the show.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, you got to mix it up. We did walk along the water with his dog, and it was maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.
His dog is a puppy, but it's strong as fuck.

Speaker 2 It's got to be be 60 pounds. Yeah.
Almost pulled him into the lake three times.

Speaker 2 I'm not even exaggerating. Really? I jerked his arm out of his socket.
Really?

Speaker 2 His dog is a puppy, but its paws are this big. It's going to be fucking humongous.
Oh, that's so fucking beautiful. And his name is, or her name is Dice.
Dicey Girl. I love that guy.
Dicey.

Speaker 2 He's a good dude. Adam? One of the best humans to walk the earth.
One of the best of the best.

Speaker 2 Speaking of good humans,

Speaker 2 let's take some time to acknowledge that Juice Jetsky Johnson

Speaker 2 is the baby bird is starting to fly without us because she's selling out shows all over the country. She goes, she literally said, this is what I heard through the grapevine.
She's smoking a cigarette

Speaker 2 and Chris Rock is there. Chappelle is there.

Speaker 2 Louie is there. It was wild.
Where?

Speaker 2 This is out at one of the arenas that they were doing. They invited her.
They sent a car to pick her up, you know, down in Texas. She goes and shows up.
She's ripping butts outside.

Speaker 2 She's smoking with Dave, with Chappelle. And she goes, I got to be honest with you, Chappelle.
You're Dave Chappelle. I got to be honest with you, Chappelle.
Just over fucking bad friends.

Speaker 1 I didn't say it quite like that. How did you say it? Well, he was like,

Speaker 2 Juice.

Speaker 2 Juice? Juice. Juice.

Speaker 1 He was like, I don't want to, don't quote me on this, but

Speaker 1 he said, juice,

Speaker 1 you got to leave that podcast.

Speaker 2 Dave Chappelle said she should leave the show.

Speaker 2 Interesting. What was your response?

Speaker 1 I said,

Speaker 1 I just got to hang in there a little longer. I owe it to them.

Speaker 2 You want told you about signing a door contract?

Speaker 2 We got to do it. We got to do it.
And it's got to be one of those

Speaker 2 Sea Orc Scientology ones.

Speaker 2 One billion years away. One billion years away.

Speaker 2 I signed a new

Speaker 2 Sea Orc. And remember that she was here after me because now she calls me with such an attitude.
She does. Holy shit.
Fancy literally texts me and goes, don't know what's up with Juicy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But she called me a Spanish bitch.

Speaker 2 And then she hung up the phone. She gives you Spanish.
Get it done, Spanish bitch. Oh, that's tubular.

Speaker 1 I'm learning from you guys. You're my mentor.

Speaker 2 Are we rubbing off on her? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, what are you going to do, man? That's our style. You can't blame me for anything.
We have to lock you in, I think. I'm being real.

Speaker 1 But if you sign a contract with you, you have to sign a contract with me. Fair, fine.

Speaker 2 What was the contract say?

Speaker 1 That we stay friends.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 I can't sign that.

Speaker 2 I can't sign that.

Speaker 1 You have to say hi to me.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'll never sign that.

Speaker 2 I'll never sign that.

Speaker 1 I got recognized at a Petco.

Speaker 2 Go on.

Speaker 2 Wait, you texted me that. Yeah, I was.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, was the story?

Speaker 1 I've only been recognized out in the world. Like, usually it's at a comedy club.
So out in the world, maybe four times. In the real world.

Speaker 2 In the real world.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. And

Speaker 1 yeah, I went yesterday to Petco to get some treats for my dog. And the guy goes, what's your number for the account? And I put it in.
He goes, have you been here before?

Speaker 2 I love this. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like a hundred times. And he's like,

Speaker 1 have I talked to you? And I go, I don't know, man, but I should be in the system. And he's like, no, I just, I'm a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's so fucking cool.

Speaker 2 Was he cute?

Speaker 1 He was, he was cool. He looked pretty young, but he was cool.
And he, I just, I, yeah, I thought there was, I love it. I thought there was a problem with my account.

Speaker 2 No problem with your account. And when that happens, do you blush?

Speaker 1 I just stay chilling. I go, oh, that's cool.
Stay chill. I go, that really made my day.
And he's like, it made my day. And it was just really nice and cool.

Speaker 2 Chetsky, that's fucking, that makes my heart so warm.

Speaker 2 And I love that the code, how cool this guy was, that he goes, I'm a bad friend.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's awesome.

Speaker 2 I feel like we're in a game. Speaking of which, that's much better than

Speaker 2 what happened to me on the flight. What happened? I know.
I told us on your mom's house, but it was so funny. This guy, I have headphones on.
I'm watching a movie on my iPad.

Speaker 2 What does that say to you?

Speaker 2 Talk to me right now. Talk to me right now.

Speaker 2 So, middle of the flight. Oh, wait, you're first class? No.
Yes, of course. Sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Can I be honest? And

Speaker 2 is it a flight attendant? No, it's a human on the flight. So somebody that's on the flight, is he walking by or is he sitting next to you? No, no, no.
He's nowhere near me. He walked up to me.

Speaker 2 So from coach to first? I don't know where he came from, but I'm going to assume. That's very important.
Yeah, from coach. He came from the back.
That's a no-no. He was by the bathroom.
Okay.

Speaker 2 He comes up to you. You're watching something.
Engaged on my iPad. Headphones on.
And then he interrupts you? Stands right over, like standing on top of me. Yeah.
Leaning on top me. What does he say?

Speaker 2 And then he goes like this. He goes,

Speaker 2 hey.

Speaker 2 And I went like this. Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 I went, what's up?

Speaker 2 Like, real slow. Real slow.
What's up? And I take off my headphones. And he goes,

Speaker 2 do I know you? This is what the first.

Speaker 2 Wait, but he said, do I know you?

Speaker 2 And I thought, there's two ways to go.

Speaker 2 Do I know you? No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 He said, do I know you from

Speaker 2 something?

Speaker 2 First of all, not somewhere, something.

Speaker 2 He already knows. No, no, no, he doesn't.
You don't think he does? No, he knows he recognizes me, but he can't put it. Okay,

Speaker 2 he can't put his finger on it. So he says, do I know you from something? And I said, I don't know, man.

Speaker 2 I don't think so. And he goes,

Speaker 2 you're not a celebrity?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 And I said, I don't.

Speaker 2 I'm not.

Speaker 2 I've done this. I've done this.
I've done this. I'm not.

Speaker 1 I know you do that because when we went on the road, people would be like, do I know you? And you go, no.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 I literally like, no, no, no. And he goes, you don't, I don't know you from a, you're not a celebrity guy.

Speaker 2 And people are not looking. People are looking now.
Yeah. People are looking at me, so I'm more embarrassed than I usually am.
And I go, I don't, sorry. I don't think so.
And then he goes, okay.

Speaker 2 And walked away like annoyed. Yeah.
But what did you, what did you want me to say? Imagine how much of a fucking cunt I would be if I'm like,

Speaker 2 what's up? Do I know you from something?

Speaker 2 Probably.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then he goes, are you a celebrity? And I go, yes, I'm a celebrity.

Speaker 2 Put a gun in my mouth. It's a trap because I'll tell you why.
I've had this happen, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do I know you from somewhere? Yeah, I mean, I was on Med TV and I did some movies and I'm on a couple of podcasts and they go, no. Yeah, no, I know.

Speaker 2 Right. Now you're in the business of throwing your credits out.
He's hitting them with a little bat. You say Matt TV.
Yeah, yeah. Was that a show?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was a sketch show that we competed against SNL back in the day. No, what else did you say you were on? A couple of sitcoms, Splitting Up Together and Animal Practice.
Splitting up animals?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I did some movies.
I was into two Harold and Kumar movies, and I did the dictator. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Harold and Kumar. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Where do they go? They go to Wendy's? White Castle. Yes.
Yeah. Who are you in that? I just played Kenneth like a kid at school.
Kenneth, Kenneth, Kenneth, Kenneth, Kenneth, Kenneth, Kenneth. Nope.

Speaker 2 Doesn't ring a bell. What else?

Speaker 2 Exactly. Two podcasts? One with Andrew Santino? Nope.
No, no, no. That's not even ringing.
Tiger Bell in my other podcast. No?

Speaker 2 What's up with animals with you?

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something. Do you eat at P.F.
Chang's? Sure as fuck do. I'm a bus boy there.

Speaker 2 Now you have to do that.

Speaker 2 You have to do something weird. Because it's uncomfortable.
Yeah, so that's a lose-lose. Well, so I was being as nice as I could, but I have to just keep saying no.

Speaker 2 You've seen me say no, but I have to go, I don't think we know each other, man. I think I look like someone.
I always say, I think I look like someone you might know. No, you lie.
Let's do a lie now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm a guy now.

Speaker 2 You do a lie. Okay.

Speaker 2 Do I?

Speaker 2 Hey, excuse me.

Speaker 2 Hey, what's up? Am I interrupting? Yes, very much. I'm kidding.
Oh, my bad. No, no, I don't even like this.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Anyway, I just curious because I saw you.

Speaker 2 Because I'm a coach. I walked by you.
I saw that. Right, and the way you're crossing your fist.
Anyway, I... No, no, no.
I just. Yeah, I know.
No.

Speaker 2 we can smell you coming, is the problem. Yeah.
Well, we have a little light that goes off when we know someone's gotten up and coming up here. Teptique.
Oh, it smells good. Yeah, yeah.
That's good.

Speaker 2 Teptique. Candles.
Yeah. Well,

Speaker 2 anyway. Well, they make candles.
Do I know you from somewhere?

Speaker 2 I think you do. Yeah.
What is that roommate? Because I look at you and I go, oh my God, it's like so familiar. Well, I started on a sitcom when I was a child.
I'm an actor.

Speaker 2 When I was a child, I started on a little sitcom. It took place in a small town in the the Appalachian Mountains.
My dad was the chief of police.

Speaker 2 Oh, does it ring a bell? Was it in black and white? It was. Oh.

Speaker 2 No, I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's interesting.

Speaker 2 You knew it was black and white.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. It doesn't ring a bell.
Yeah, well,

Speaker 2 so I was an actor. I did that.
Wait, wait, I also did a show. Let me ask you something.
I did a show. Are you a director, too, then?

Speaker 2 Because I know.

Speaker 2 Ah, I know. Did you direct Apollo 10? I sure did.
13. Ron Howard.

Speaker 2 I see where you're going. Can you imagine? I see where you're going.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And what would the guy really say? If I said I'm Ron Howard,

Speaker 2 he would never dare to go, no, you're not. Yes, he would.
No, he would have to go. You look nothing like Ron Howard.
I look exactly like Ron fucking Howard. Right.

Speaker 2 Tell me the difference between that and my.

Speaker 2 All right. If you were wearing a baseball cap? Yes.
Yes. That's me.
That's you. Literally me.
That is you.

Speaker 1 Or you flip the script on them. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. Whoa, is that a director term?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I like it. So I could do one.
I could be a director term. Okay, then ready? Go ahead.
Excuse me.

Speaker 2 Yasu.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It is you.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 When you do it,

Speaker 2 when I was a kid.

Speaker 2 I watched all of your films. Everything.

Speaker 2 Everything. I have to tell you.
Everything. Of all the years that you did your thing,

Speaker 2 when you started working with Chris Tucker, it was

Speaker 2 to change my accent.

Speaker 2 I could do that.

Speaker 2 I had to get younger.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me.
That's me.

Speaker 2 I just.

Speaker 2 I see what he does.

Speaker 2 Can we take a photo? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, actually, I,

Speaker 2 no, thank you. Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway, me. You.
Wow. Wow.
Turns out Jimmy Oyang is a jerk.

Speaker 2 That was a good swim.

Speaker 2 That was a good burn. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah. Very good.
Miss, do I know you from something? I don't know. What's your name? Anyway,

Speaker 2 I was sitting next to him on the fly.

Speaker 2 I just followed my friend over here. I told you.
What's your name? Yo, you look so familiar.

Speaker 1 We know you from something, right? I'm Jesse. Who are you guys? Jesse.

Speaker 2 Jesse. Jesse, Jesse.
Jesse Ventura? Yeah, Jesse Ventura. Are you the body?

Speaker 2 Are you the body? No.

Speaker 2 Have we seen you in movies?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I'm from Arizona. Did you guys grow up there?

Speaker 2 No, we're not allowed there. We're not allowed there.
So wait a minute. We're.
God, how come you look familiar? We said that on the whole life. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You guys look familiar, too.

Speaker 2 Did you guys really clever, by the way?

Speaker 2 Let's just switch it off. This is very good when you're doing it.
This is what you do.

Speaker 2 That's what you do. You do a reverse Jedi thing.

Speaker 2 When someone goes like this, okay, you pretend to be the guy again? Yeah, yeah. This is how it'll happen.
Ready? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 2 Am I? Sorry. Do I know you?

Speaker 2 Kevin,

Speaker 2 how the fuck have you been?

Speaker 2 Wait, I'm not. Is your wife,

Speaker 2 is your wife still going through that cancer? Yeah, I'm not. That's cancer surgery? I'm in college.
I don't have a...

Speaker 2 Why? I haven't seen you in so fucking long. That's so good.
And you look good. Yeah.
You look good. You look a little...
A little fatter than you used to be, but you look good.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I'm going to go back to my seat. Wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going, buddy? I just. Take my number.

Speaker 2 Take my number.

Speaker 2 Take my number.

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 2 Then this guy wants to get away from you. I want to do one.
From now on, I'm doing that. Yeah, yeah.
I want to do one. Hey, hey, hey, excuse me.
Yeah. Excuse me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sir? Hello?

Speaker 2 Well, you should.

Speaker 2 You should.

Speaker 2 I don't know why.

Speaker 2 I feel like I know you from something.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Hello, Dr. Montgomery.

Speaker 2 What? No, I'm. Yes.
William Montgomery? Look.

Speaker 2 Look, I'm alive.

Speaker 2 Because of you. And then this guy goes,

Speaker 2 yes, you are.

Speaker 2 And you should thank me.

Speaker 2 Bong Joon-ho, thank me for what I did for you.

Speaker 2 Whilst you reversed it on me. Right.
And at some point, now where do you go?

Speaker 2 You walk off the plane thinking, Am I Bong Joon-Ho?

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. That's how it goes.

Speaker 2 We found you. Can you show him that TikTok, by the way? I got sent this no less than 10,000 times.
Yeah. Tagged with you.
We got tagged. I can't even look at this guy.
You have to.

Speaker 2 I've seen it a thousand times. Well, watch it again.
That's all I get tagged in.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I gotta watch it.

Speaker 2 I had

Speaker 2 102 DMs. 102 DMs just for this.
I can't even watch it again. I've seen it a thousand times.
We're watching it right now.

Speaker 2 My son, so dumb, IQ 21. He tried to make friends, but they call him Ching Chong.
He eat the wonton, but he fat like King Jong. He's so ugly when he smiles, he looks like the King Kong.

Speaker 2 My son, useless, can't play ping pong. He tried to get a date with the girl so young.
But she said, hell no, cause he's not the handsome. And my son, so broke, can't buy the ding sum.

Speaker 2 It's a good thing. My son's so dumb.
My son's so dumb.

Speaker 2 My son's so dumb. My son's so dumb.
My fear's so good. Can't hear my fears.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 You're going to replace it with me.

Speaker 2 Bobby, I would never.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 when I'm watching that, when he comes in with a banger like that. I know.
What I'm saying is that, please don't.

Speaker 2 It'll hurt me. It'll burn me.
By the way, though, IQ21

Speaker 2 couldn't get a date with Sue Young. I mean, the layers of this motherfucker.
Right.

Speaker 2 It's so fucking good. Pretty good.
We got to get this guy. And he's fucking jealous.
He's one of us. He's Korean.
He's one of us.

Speaker 2 First of all, you're a better musician. I love it.
You're a better musician and you know it. Okay.
But he's really, really good. He's pretty good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's really good. He's a really, really good guy.
You know what I watched last night? What? That I love watching. I'll revisit now because season two is uploaded on the internet on Netflix.

Speaker 2 There's a show.

Speaker 2 They send little Japanese kids to the market by themselves. I've seen this one.
I've heard of it. I type this in.
What is it called? Kyla watches it. Dude.
It's so cute. It's the cutest fucking show

Speaker 2 you've ever seen in your life. They will send little Japanese kids to the market that's old enough.
So all the footage is like from years ago.

Speaker 2 But this is how beautiful and safe of a country it is, Japan. They let a fucking four-year-old just walk down the road with groceries.

Speaker 1 It's like sending Bobby to the market.

Speaker 2 Oh, my.

Speaker 1 Well, I imagine you don't do your show.

Speaker 2 That's why I don't say hello sometimes. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 It's because you're rich and powerful, not because you're dumb.

Speaker 2 By the way, Taylor. They say black babies are the cutest.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 No one says.

Speaker 1 Everyone says Asian babies are are the cutest.

Speaker 2 I don't see people arguing. My money's on black babies for sure.
Yeah, black babies are the best.

Speaker 2 Asian babies are very, very close. Well, here's what I like about Asian babies.
They look like adults. And they're not far off.
What do you mean they look like adults?

Speaker 2 Well, a couple inches, and that's just a grown Asian man.

Speaker 2 What's the difference between that guy?

Speaker 2 You're saying that Asian men look like babies. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. You're saying that doesn't look like your brother Steve.

Speaker 2 Bring him the pictures.

Speaker 2 That looks just like Steve. Steve, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But, but, okay, see that on the on the second row, the first picture, that's Ken. I think that's Ken.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, that's not him. That's the other one.
He's three years old. What a cute kid.
Fucking Duke Ken. Duke Ken from old enough.
Right in Ken from old enough. Let's see, Lil Ken.

Speaker 2 That is Lil Ken. I was right.
That was Lil Ken. This guy's a fucking, he's a king.
Look at him. Look at that little fucking G walking down the street.

Speaker 2 By the way, not only does he get groceries, he got a few extra fun things. Yeah.
He's a child. I can't go to the grocery store.
I get scared. I get lost.
I get nervous. I go home.
I do it every time.

Speaker 2 But 30 years later, he's in a cubicle wearing a suit.

Speaker 2 Watching Bad Friends. With 10,000 other fucking agents.

Speaker 2 Look at him. Look at him.
And he's got a little flag.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's so cute. But you know what's fucking wild in that thing around his neck? That's all booze.

Speaker 2 His sake is in there, and he sips sake all day. They don't feed him any food.
We should go there and see if we can get one. Get a Japanese kid?

Speaker 2 Imagine a van. It'd be so easy.
Well, they let him just walk around. Yeah, so you're driving the van.
I open the door, I swoop him up. Wait, nothing weird.
Well, I'm stronger than you.

Speaker 2 Can't I swoop him up? What? I'm driving.

Speaker 2 You want me to drive? No, no, no, I'll drive.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's right. Why can't we let her scoop him up?

Speaker 1 Can you scoop? Well, I should be the driver.

Speaker 2 That is true. Yes.
You get the legs, I'll get the arms. And we'll just...
Scoop. Well, I'll do a little hammock swing and the kid, throw him right at the bottom.
And nothing nefarious.

Speaker 2 Is that necessary? No, no, no. We just want one nearby.
We want one nearby. Well, what if he just sat there in front of you? That'd be great.
What would he be doing? Like, taking notes?

Speaker 2 No, he just makes noises every once in a while.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. They do have.
When I do hear like little Japanese animations and stuff, I wonder where the noises do come from. Because every artist has a thing.
Their source material is what?

Speaker 2 Like, when you see Japanese cartoons, Evan is always like,

Speaker 2 Where does that come from? Yeah. Where does that come from? Well, I'll tell you what it is.

Speaker 2 Because it's not always words. It's just sometimes just,

Speaker 2 you know, emotion. Emotional noises.

Speaker 2 right and also a lot of the words is what they think something sounds like like what juk juk juk juk what is that yeah did I tell you what juk juk means have I told you guys what juk juk means I don't remember on this show do you know what jukjuk means sounds familiar so when you when oh yeah Hiroshi Kema when you're when you're with Koreans right

Speaker 2 and you say to a like from Korea yeah and you go

Speaker 2 you know what that means Am I saying it to the Koreans or at them? If you went, what do you mean to them?

Speaker 2 What's the difference? No, I'm saying, like, am I talking about a Korean or at a to a Korean? You have to, it's at, not about. Okay, okay, okay.
Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 All right,

Speaker 2 relax, juke juke.

Speaker 2 What? Relax, you fucking juke juke. Oh, yeah.
What does it mean? I don't know. So, juke juke means let's go fuck.
Oh, because it sounds like jukek, juke, juke, juke, juice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, I asked the Korean go, I go, what's juke juke? He goes, no, that sound you make.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and in a weird way,

Speaker 2 no, no, no, no, in a weird way, no! They never stopped drinking. Because if I heard that noise, I'd stop.

Speaker 2 If I'm like,

Speaker 2 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I would like to back away.
What the fuck? Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What would it sound like if you would say, if you were trying to say it to someone, let's go have sex, what would it sound like?

Speaker 2 That sounds like a stabbing.

Speaker 2 Which I guess.

Speaker 2 You sound like an AOA. Yeah, you do.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 What is it? Okay, you sticking a girl, your penis in a vagina. What would it sound like? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 No, that's not.

Speaker 2 You're giving an abortion? No, the vagina eating my cock.

Speaker 2 No, it would not do that. There's no way that would make that noise.
That's the noise.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's it and now. But my noise, if someone was like, you want to go have sex, would be like, hey, hey, hey.

Speaker 2 This is my noise. This is real.
This is my noise. Ready, ready?

Speaker 2 Juice, if you wanted to signal sex, if you were like, we got to have sex, what do you do? What's the noise? Probably like,

Speaker 2 no, you just vibrate.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's what that is. All right.
So funny, if a guy's like, do you want to? And you're like,

Speaker 2 when I used to go on the road, every weekend, I would leave a massager in my hotel room. Come on, get.
What do you mean? So I would get picked up for press on Thursday.

Speaker 2 I don't like where this is.

Speaker 2 Me neither for some reason. I don't even know.

Speaker 2 I don't know, but our instinct was.

Speaker 2 We just instinctually. But go ahead.
I want to hear the rest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe it is. No, I want to hear it.

Speaker 2 I'm scared, though.

Speaker 2 I would get picked up from the club owner or whoever does the press. Right.
And at the end of like the three or four radio shows, right, I would go, can you drive your CVS?

Speaker 2 They're like, yeah, okay. Why? Do you need a toothbrush and toothpaste? Yeah.
Toothpaste. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I would go and I could come out with a box.

Speaker 2 What's in the box? A gigantic massager. A back massager.
Like a plug-in massager. You You know the wands? Okay.
Yeah, but it has the two, sometimes they have the two little knobs. That's right.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Bring it up. Bring up those back massages.

Speaker 2 Because Juicy doesn't know. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Say with two little knobs. Yeah, with two little metal knobs.

Speaker 2 This is true. I do know what these are.
I've seen these before. Yeah, I would get one of those.
There it is.

Speaker 1 I've seen those.

Speaker 2 I would probably drop like, you know, $100, $150 on one of those. They're pretty expensive.
Yeah, yeah. Well, this was $30.
You got fucked at CVS. Yeah, so it's something like that.

Speaker 2 That is exactly what it looks like. Exactly

Speaker 2 what it looks like. And at the end of the weekend, it would just be

Speaker 2 that massager would be sitting there plugged in inside, you know what I mean,

Speaker 2 in the hotel room. And I always felt bad.
I should have watched it because I felt bad because on the knobs, right? There'd be like this white flaky stuff on it.

Speaker 2 So gross. So gross.
Yeah. You would use them, you'd buy a massager in every sitting.
There was a, no, there was a moment. There was a, I discovered something because I thought

Speaker 2 I'm so embarrassed. No, you're not.
Yeah, no, you're not. So, you know, years ago, you know, you would talk to girls, go, I use a vibrator.
And I thought, oh,

Speaker 2 can guys use a vibrator? Yeah. Yeah.
And I've discovered, yeah. You sure can.

Speaker 2 You sure can.

Speaker 2 You're just like that, right? So what you do is you lightly, on the head of your penis, you just lightly.

Speaker 2 And for me, it gave me the greatest

Speaker 2 organism. So you're allowed.
Yeah. You shouldn't feel bad.
You left it for the next user. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you know what's so funny is that not only would I leave that, right? Sometimes I would leave a DVD player.

Speaker 2 I swear to God.

Speaker 2 And a flat screen. You're not good with finances.
Wait, in the hotel? In the hotel.

Speaker 1 You would buy an extra TV?

Speaker 2 I would buy an extra TV, a brand new DVD,

Speaker 2 and a vibrator. Because back in the day,

Speaker 2 you leave the movie in too? What? Do you leave the movie in? Or do you take the movie in? I take the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I would go to New York. Because the movie is small.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it's the same one, I'm guessing, every day.

Speaker 2 Because back in the day, in the early, you know, in the 2000s, early 2000s, it just wasn't

Speaker 2 porn on the internet wasn't

Speaker 2 didn't happen, really.

Speaker 2 So it's like you would have to go buy a DVD player, go buy, because sometimes the DVD player wouldn't fit with their, you know, sometimes hotel TVs, they block off the little blocks so that you, you know, because they want you to use their entertainment.

Speaker 2 Of course. So I'd get my own flat screen.

Speaker 2 and the vibrator and i would go to the i would probably spend 700 is still cheaper to use their entertainment is it not cheaper to just buy the movie at the hotel? No, they're always the garbage.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he wants good shit. Yeah, I want good shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And my generation is wasteful.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well,

Speaker 2 first of all, he was leaving for others to get to know him. No, but I would leave a note at the end.

Speaker 2 I would leave a note at the main or whatever and go, here's a free TV,

Speaker 2 free DVD player, and this, like, you know, massager thing. You might have to watch.

Speaker 1 You'd sign it Harvey Weinstein.

Speaker 2 Harve was here. This is the hotel room.

Speaker 2 Harve was here.

Speaker 2 that's the most expensive. Like, what do you leave nowadays when you leave a hotel? How much do you leave on the counter for the lot? For the cleaning lady? A lot.
What? Seriously? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, because you devastate a room.

Speaker 2 I do. Like, what you do is

Speaker 2 the maid, little. This is the maid coming into my room.
You've been in my room, right? Yeah, I have multiple times. It's devastating.

Speaker 2 This is when the maid comes into my room after I'm left for a weekend.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, that's nice. Okay.
Yeah. And there's a maid coming in your room.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What happened? Did you?

Speaker 2 Yeah. What happened? Did you get poop

Speaker 2 poop on the wall? No, no, no, the poo, no, the poop. Blood and poop on the wall.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Blood.
No, no, no, the poo and blood. Poop and come, blood, poop and come.
No, that happened one time when I was using. Yeah.
It happened one time when I was using it. It did happen.

Speaker 2 But don't you, don't use that as a thing. Okay, how much money did you leave that made in Mexico

Speaker 2 when you pooped all over the walls?

Speaker 2 Probably $50.

Speaker 2 50 bucks? Yeah. How do you poop on a wall? I didn't poo on the wall.
That was all inclusive. That wasn't.
Yeah, that wasn't inclusive.

Speaker 2 No, you didn't poop on the walls, but you threw up all over the room, and there was poop on the door.

Speaker 2 Because you held poop in your door, you wiped it on the door.

Speaker 2 We moved past it. You pick it up all the time.
Wait, but tell me, but tell me, what do you leave nowadays? We go to a hotel. What are you leaving?

Speaker 2 Right now, today, if we, you and I go at a hotel somewhere else, what are you leaving? Food, probably mainly. No money for them.
I do. How much? That's my point.

Speaker 2 I mean, how much money are you leaving on the table? Well, every time I have a woman, a woman, a person, friend, a friend clean my room, I hunt them down.

Speaker 2 Kill them? No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm not an assassin.
I'm not an assassin.

Speaker 1 No, no, you can't repeat what you saw here.

Speaker 2 No, I would walk, like, because usually I walk out of my, because usually they clean during the early, in the morning or in the early afternoon, right? But I don't get up till four. Correct.
Right.

Speaker 2 So they're already kind of done. So I feel bad.
Right. So I'll go to a woman

Speaker 2 or a man who's cleaning. Yeah.
And go, hey, dude, here's 50 bucks or 40 bucks. Can you clean my room?

Speaker 2 So I do that. That's nice.
Right. So, but the end of a long weekend, what do you leave on the counter? Sometimes nothing.
The tipping thing in this country is insane. I've been here for...

Speaker 2 It's fucking cheap. No, wait a second.
Let me explain. Let me explain.

Speaker 2 It's my way to argue it. Well, let him get it.
Why don't you write like if you have a job, why don't you get paid to do that job? Why do I have to pay for the hotel and for the service?

Speaker 2 Why do I have to go to a hospital and give tips to the nurse? You don't tip a nurse. You never tip a nurse.
No one's ever done that. I would just advise to do that when I have a kid.

Speaker 2 So they are nice to you to leave

Speaker 2 $5 cards for every single nurse, the 25 people there.

Speaker 2 This is very American. I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 2 I mean, neither.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, genuinely, I was going to say,

Speaker 2 stop typing. Yeah, stop getting cash in it because you don't know what you're saying.
When he waves his finger, I lose all.

Speaker 2 Slow that fucking down. I literally.
I got stuck. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah.
That was insane.

Speaker 2 It was like it didn't even exist.

Speaker 2 Fans. In my response to you, Andres? Yes.
Yes, move on. Yeah, move on.
Yeah, whatever. Fine.

Speaker 2 That's insane. You know what, though? Yeah.

Speaker 2 We got to fire this guy. I know, I know.
Playing this game. Yeah, this might be my last game.
That's fireable. Yeah, yeah, that was fireable.
Yeah. I know why he's doing that, though.

Speaker 2 To tip the medical profession. Because his wife works in the medical world.
So he's looking to sneak tips into her. He's playing this fucking, he does reverse psychology.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, what do you have to tip everyone? You should be tipping the nurses and the people that work at hospitals. His wife works there.
You should tip your podcast producers.

Speaker 2 I got a tip for podcast producers.

Speaker 2 Watch your fucking mouth. Watch your mouth.
Watch your fucking mouth. That's a good tip.
But he has something. Let me say something.
So you and I both know a guy. I can't say his name, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you and I both know a guy, a great guy. Go like this so I can see what you say.
Arlolf.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And he was saying that when he... We're not leaving you out, by the way.
way, you actually don't know this person, you don't know this person

Speaker 2 before your time, you know. I was working with him maybe a month ago, and we were talking, and he goes,

Speaker 2 We were talking about his kids because I know I've known him and his wife for so long, same. Isn't that wild? I love them, yeah.

Speaker 2 And he was like, We were talking about a second, his son, and he goes, Um, I go, Well, do you have a nurse? And he goes, Well, not right now with my son. I go, Why? He goes, Well,

Speaker 2 I had to

Speaker 2 fire a nanny. And I go, Why? He goes, I was at work because he works at a corporate place and he was watching the monitor because he has a monitor.
And the nanny was beating his son. Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Are you fucking kidding? I thought this was going to be funny. No.
Holy shit. Are you being serious?

Speaker 1 Wait, there might be more.

Speaker 2 No, that's it. She was hitting the kid.
That's not funny.

Speaker 2 So what they had to do is this, right? Dude, she was beating him? Yeah. So what he had to do, they had to go to the police.
Yeah. And then they had cops in his house.

Speaker 2 He hired the nanny another day. She walks in and the cops came in and arrested her.
Like a SWAT team. Like a SWAT team.
Wow. Because they have it on tape.
Oh, he recorded. You can record.
Yeah, wow.

Speaker 2 Let me guess.

Speaker 1 He didn't tip that nanny.

Speaker 2 That was my point with the nurse then.

Speaker 2 Maybe that's what it is. You're giving them money, the nurses, so they would treat your child with respect.
Well, yeah. Just to make sure.
I guess. Like an insurance thing.
I guess. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like one time we had a cleaning lady and I guess I wasn't paying her enough and she upper-decked us in every

Speaker 2 pooped in every top killer in my house.

Speaker 2 But if you saw on a monitor some nanny doing that to your six-month-year-old son, what's my instinct? Yeah, what would you do? What'd he say? What would you do, though? What did he say?

Speaker 2 What did he say? I go up to her and I go, what did he say?

Speaker 2 Gaga do.

Speaker 2 He needs to shut his fucking mouth.

Speaker 2 I see what you're saying. I mean, it's like it depends on his attitude.

Speaker 2 No, that's not true. Let's be real about it.
What would you do?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Don't be comedy. I'm not.
Yeah, you are. I see your smile.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What's your name?

Speaker 2 My nanny. Your nanny? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Felipe.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, I'm Felipe. Okay.
Hey, Felipe, can I talk to you for a second? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I saw on the monitor today. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think I saw you strike my child. Was that your child?

Speaker 2 I thought it was a piñata.

Speaker 2 Is that a piñata? Well, I appreciate the candy. I want a candy.
That's why I thought it was. I understand.
And we have a drawer filled with candy. I told you you can eat whatever you want.

Speaker 2 Why did you hit my son?

Speaker 2 I saw this, huh? I thought it was piñata. Right? I hit it with a stick.
That's it, Felipe. Back to China with you.
I'm from Mexico, Felipe. Really?

Speaker 2 Because you look and sound different than I think. Yeah, that's not what you would do.
No. I feel like if that happened to you,

Speaker 2 that nanny would no longer exist on the side. That's right, dead.
Yeah, you beat my kid, I'd kill you. Yeah, I'd kill you.
You would kill him.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but if somebody spanked my child, if he was like six or whatever, like four to six, that's fine. Smack him in the fucking ass.
Maybe he did something stupid. No, no, you don't touch my child.

Speaker 2 Nah, you beat him sometimes. You got to beat some life into that fucking kid.
Otherwise, the world is going to hurt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what else are you paying him for?

Speaker 2 Fact. Andreas, do never, never hit your kid.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Don't lay your hands on him. Bring him to me.

Speaker 2 Because it causes so much trauma. Don't know.

Speaker 2 You remember all of it. I know, babe.

Speaker 2 Okay. I remember.
You remember what? What if you want to remember all of it? If you want him to be a comedian. Oh, that's right.
You beat him.

Speaker 2 If you want him funny? If you want him to be talented, yeah. Name a talented guy that wasn't beat.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I'd light his crib on fire. And be like,

Speaker 2 you have a cigarette? And the whole crib is surrounding on fire around him. And you'd be like, see if you can get out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, see if you can get out.

Speaker 1 That's what Mitzi did to Polly, pretty much.

Speaker 2 That is true. I've heard those stories around that's the best thing.

Speaker 1 He was like, as a baby screaming in his crib and slamming his head against the wall, she let him do it, and she would just laugh.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 oh, yeah, and he's doing fine. There's like a sound bite of her telling the story, and she's like,