Unpicked Boogers From The Vault 2022

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Speaker 2 Happy New Year!

Speaker 3 Hey guys!

Speaker 2 Hi Carlos!

Speaker 4 Hi, Happy New Year's Fancy!

Speaker 5 Happy New Year!

Speaker 4 Yeah, what a great 2022!

Speaker 3 Insane!

Speaker 4 Yeah, just, oh, I'm exhausted.

Speaker 3 What was your favorite episode this season?

Speaker 4 I liked Halloween a lot. I like Dahmer, Andrew, and Korea and Elvis.

Speaker 3 Well, I think everybody knows what my favorite episode was, but why don't you guys tell us what your favorite episode was of the season? Because we're 2023.

Speaker 3 today is a special day as you guys know we took a little bit of a break but i have rescued from the vault an episode that was discarded early this year uh i had to do a little surgery on it but uh you guys will let me know if they if if if you find it funny uh Andrew and Bobby don't know that this is gonna be out, so hopefully we don't lose our jobs after this.

Speaker 4 Yeah, this was one that I think was said not to be released.

Speaker 5 Exactly.

Speaker 4 But we did an episode and we didn't want to have to record one real fast with the guys who'll get mad that we messed up. So, right, we're just gonna put this one out for y'all.

Speaker 3 So, hopefully, well, you guys let us know what you think at the end of the end of the episode. What else is happening? 2023 is here.
Uh, big, big announcements.

Speaker 3 Uh, next week, we have one of our uh funniest episodes in a long time. Uh, special guests, check it out on on the ninth, and then on the tenth,

Speaker 3 Andrew's specialty specialty is dropping.

Speaker 4 Cheeseburger.

Speaker 3 It's really, really funny. We're really excited for him.

Speaker 3 Check it out on Netflix. It's going to be awesome.

Speaker 3 And then February, we start our

Speaker 5 pre-tour date.

Speaker 3 So we're going to be in Vancouver on February 16th at 8 p.m.

Speaker 3 And then we're going to Washington.

Speaker 3 So we're going to be in Espocane and Seattle on February 17th and 18th, also at 8 p.m.

Speaker 3 This is going to be exciting. First time on the road of 2023.

Speaker 3 And then what else is going on, Carlos? When are we officially kicking off the

Speaker 2 March 2nd?

Speaker 4 March 2nd, we're going on the road for a long time on a bus. Bobby last night asked me if we're going to fight the whole time.
He keeps bringing that up. I think he wants to fight the whole time.

Speaker 5 Of course. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what he does.

Speaker 4 Exactly. So we're going to start in California on March 2nd.
Then we're going to Arizona. Then we're making the big leap.
Well, first, New Mexico, then Indianapolis, Missouri, Oklahoma City, maybe.

Speaker 4 Texas, three cities there. I'll let you guess which ones, not Austin.
New Orleans, Alabama, weirdly enough.

Speaker 4 North Carolina, Virginia, New Jersey, Baltimore, Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee, Georgia, a bunch of cities in Florida. And then we're ending it in April in San Diego, California, where Bobby is from.

Speaker 5 Woo-hoo!

Speaker 3 So, as the dates get 100% confirmed, you guys can go to where?

Speaker 4 BadfriendsPod.com.

Speaker 3 Exactly. And you can buy tickets now there for Vancouver and Seattle and Spokane.
And then early, you know, I would say like in a couple of weeks, we'll have the dates there for everything else.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 3 this week is the last last week for this amazing Christmas merch. If you guys missed it, go to badfriends merch.com.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you guys like the pictures we put on Instagram. Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 We had a beautiful model come and make and do that for us. And yeah, if you want to be like Bradley,

Speaker 4 go to Brad Bad Friends, not Bradfriendsmerch.com, BadFriendsMerch.com.

Speaker 3 Right. So this is last week for that merch, then it's going to be gone.

Speaker 3 We're going to have a special merch for the tour too. I'm excited to present it soon.
Cool.

Speaker 3 What else? Also, Seven Eckies, we're doing a lot of awesome things on Seven Eches this year. We're going to start

Speaker 3 the year launching a new show.

Speaker 3 So stay tuned, hopefully soon. Yeah,

Speaker 3 it's going to be fun. Our super successful educational course was sold out in 10 minutes.
So we're opening five more slots

Speaker 3 for this January. So in two weeks, January 16, we start.
So hurry up if you want to be a part of that. We're opening just five slots and be, you know, they'll be gone soon.

Speaker 3 And then we're going to do more and bigger things with that.

Speaker 3 Because we get an overwhelming amount of emails and text messages and DMs every day about this stuff. So we're planning big, big, big things.

Speaker 3 So anyway,

Speaker 3 keep tuned.

Speaker 2 Yeah, stay tuned. Stay tuned.
Yeah. Keep tuned and stay tuned.

Speaker 5 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, thank you so much for this amazing journey. It's been almost three years of bad friends.
We could not be more excited to be a part of such a good show. You guys are the best possible fans.

Speaker 3 Thank you for supporting us. And yeah,

Speaker 3 Happy New Year. Hopefully, your New Year resolutions

Speaker 3 start today.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Happy New Year.

Speaker 7 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 5 Acting's exercise.

Speaker 7 Teach me some exercises.

Speaker 5 Korean? I have a Korean. I went to Korean acting school.

Speaker 2 Yeah?

Speaker 2 That's it. No, I'm not sure.
Every movie?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. These are just...

Speaker 5 You just have to, I'm the teacher. You have to repeat after me.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No. No.
Nope. That's not it.
Ho, ho, ho. Very good.
Good.

Speaker 2 Chi, chi, chi. No.
No.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's more like a ch-chit.

Speaker 5 Very good. Just follow.

Speaker 2 Chink.

Speaker 2 That's the part of the acting.

Speaker 2 Oh, it is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it is.
Chink.

Speaker 2 Oh, ho, ho, ho. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Clink.

Speaker 2 Clink. Clink.
Clink. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If you wanted to do it, you had to confuse her. You would have had to have been like, cha, choo, ka, knee, chick.

Speaker 5 You just have to throw it in.

Speaker 2 Rye, right. If you threw it in, she wouldn't have known.
Or let's try it again. No, no, no.
No, no, no. No.
Why don't we talk about you having the worst night of your life last week? What happened?

Speaker 2 I got out of a restaurant. What restaurant? I went to Village Idiot.

Speaker 5 Beautiful restaurant.

Speaker 2 You don't know what it is. I've never heard of it.
I've never heard of it. It's a bar on Melrose, but I've been there.

Speaker 5 Are there idiots there?

Speaker 2 I was there.

Speaker 2 What street? What street is it on? My role.

Speaker 2 I've heard of it. Yeah, it's nice.
But I went there to go get something to eat. Who are you with?

Speaker 5 I need the details. Soloed.

Speaker 2 Solo. I was by myself.

Speaker 5 You eat by yourself?

Speaker 2 I went to do a spot at the... Well, we can get into all these.
I went to do a spot at the comedy store at 8:40. You were supposed to be right after me, or right before me.
You didn't show up.

Speaker 2 I couldn't. They were scrambled eggs.
They were trying to figure out. You cancel it.

Speaker 2 Two people canceled. People were mad.

Speaker 2 You and somebody, I don't know. I wasn't paying attention.
But Emily told me they were scrambled and because you guys canceled and people were mad. Juicy? Yeah.
Take it away.

Speaker 7 People kept coming. I was working the lot all night, like, oh, I can't wait to see Bobby.
I wonder when he's pulling in for real. Yep.
And then, you know, oh, Bobby canceled.

Speaker 7 And then someone from the main room goes, man, a lot of people coming in were like, I can't wait to see Bobby. I'm in from Australia.
I can't wait to see Bobby.

Speaker 2 You want to apologize to the people that flew

Speaker 5 only from the people from Australia.

Speaker 2 Okay, what about the guy that flew in from Florida?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 What about the New York guy? He flew from New York. No.

Speaker 2 Really? Mexico, yes. Canada, yes.
North Mexico or South Mexico?

Speaker 2 South.

Speaker 5 Like

Speaker 5 you know what I mean, where the resortie.

Speaker 2 Like where we were?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Those ones, I'll apologize. Cancun.

Speaker 2 Cancun. Because it's way on the tip.
Yeah, and Tulum. Tulum.
Cancun. Cancun, Tanlum.
I love all those ones. Well, so.
Tijuana, no fucking way. No way.
TJ?

Speaker 7 What happened?

Speaker 2 You keep changing the subject. I'll lead him into it.
He called me. I was getting in my car.
I was actually walking to my car, and he called, or he was like, call me. And then he was like,

Speaker 2 I can't.

Speaker 2 I can't act.

Speaker 2 I'm the worst actor that's ever lived. I can't act.
That's what you said, isn't it? And you go,

Speaker 2 I don't know what to do. And he does his body.
When Bobby stutters, it's because he's having a panic attack. I don't know what to

Speaker 2 do. And he got nervous.
And he said, I couldn't read the lines. I couldn't read any of the lines.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Let's show the clip. Let's see what it looks like.
This is a clip from this is Esther's movie. No, no, no.

Speaker 5 You can't show

Speaker 5 when I'm fucking up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we can.

Speaker 2 How has Bobby been?

Speaker 2 A little grumpy.

Speaker 2 How's Bobby been a little grumpy? Who is that girl that called you a little grumpy?

Speaker 5 She's a

Speaker 5 she works on the movie.

Speaker 2 Doesn't know the job titles of anyone. It's Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 Is she an AD?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You don't know her.
No, she's props. Props? No, no, no.
No, she's wardrobe, wardrobe. They're all so

Speaker 2 wardrobe, wardrobe.

Speaker 5 So unique. Director.

Speaker 2 She's the director.

Speaker 2 Bobby's doing Esther's movie, which I couldn't be a part of because I'm filming the third season of Davey. But Bobby is a little bit more.

Speaker 5 But well, David, since you brought that up, they did offer you a part, and that's his moment.

Speaker 2 You don't know. You don't remember anything from my phone call.

Speaker 2 Name the first thing that we talked about when we got on the phone. You said hello.
You got me.

Speaker 2 God damn, you're nice. Yeah, you said hello.
You're good. Yeah, and that's how you open.
Hands up. I'm anyway.
Anywho. Do I look more loose, by the way? I got a massage an hour ago.
No.

Speaker 2 And can I tell you how bad it was? It was stiff. It was so bad.

Speaker 2 It was so bad.

Speaker 5 You seem stiff. Yeah, yeah.
You got to get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You want me to go to Harder?

Speaker 2 I was like, loosen up just a little bit. She was digging her fucking...

Speaker 2 She must have had Schwarzenegger forearms digging into my fucking neckline that when I lifted my head up from the oval pillow, I literally heard.

Speaker 2 She pushed so hard. I'm worse off now.

Speaker 5 In Tokyo, a lady walked on my back. See, I was like, no, but then I had to be like a balance.
Like, I had to do a balancing thing.

Speaker 2 Oh, your body yourself. Yeah, so I'm like,

Speaker 5 it was like American Ninja that the competition.

Speaker 2 It's a Sakor workout. Anyway, have you ever had a little Japanese girl walk on your back?

Speaker 7 Not walk, but I had this Thai massage where she was like punching me

Speaker 7 and she like, she pulled me up.

Speaker 5 That was jiu-jitsu class.

Speaker 2 That wasn't a massage.

Speaker 7 She was like crawling on the table and she did. She just like slammed, like punched my back, and then she goes, you're done.

Speaker 2 and then I was like what the fuck just happened she thought it was mortal combat finish her you're done all right so can I just go back to this thing yeah let's go back all right so I'm gonna tell you what happened

Speaker 5 first of all you're right number one when I'm in a that state of mind I don't know who else to call right and you're one of the first guys I called and not knowing that you were gonna expose me on this show yeah you did no I didn't okay that was a personal call would I expose you if it was something serious

Speaker 2 that was serious last night. No, it wasn't bothering me.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 That's Carlos. We were laughing.

Speaker 5 The person that taped that phone call was

Speaker 2 Carlos. You and I were laughing on the phone.

Speaker 2 Were we not? When? We were laughing on the phone. No, we weren't.
When you were rereading, after hello? Yeah. Oh, yeah, after hello.

Speaker 2 I remember now. When we were rereading lines and we were laughing because it was funny.

Speaker 5 Okay, so I'm going to tell you what happened.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 5 So,

Speaker 5 I'm a pharmacist in this movie.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 And, you know, in my mind, I'm like, the first three pages of the script is me and Esther's character talking.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.

Speaker 5 So I just go, oh, Friday is my first pharmacist day.

Speaker 5 Obviously, they're shooting that scene.

Speaker 5 Right. I mean, you can.
In my mind. If it's the first scene in the movie.

Speaker 5 Right.

Speaker 2 You think you're going to be in the middle of the day?

Speaker 5 And if the first location it just in my mind, I just made the assumption.

Speaker 2 You did you read the day out of days? Do you know what a day out of days is?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I know what a day out of the day of day.

Speaker 2 What is it? Did you not read the day out of days?

Speaker 2 He doesn't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 5 What's the day of the day of day?

Speaker 2 There's a sheet called Day Out of Days, D-O-O-D, a dude sheet. I have a dude.
Okay, and AD will send you a dude sheet, literally breaking down what you're shooting that day.

Speaker 5 Because I have a different system.

Speaker 2 I don't do that. Let me guess.

Speaker 2 Don't read the script.

Speaker 2 Don't know anything about what's going on that day. Show up a little bit late from when they told you to get there.
Really? And then

Speaker 2 you're poking the files. And then

Speaker 2 call Santino when you freak out because everything didn't go the way that you thought.

Speaker 5 Do you want me to continue or no?

Speaker 2 Did that happen or not? No. Okay, go on.

Speaker 5 Because you don't know my system.

Speaker 5 Listen to the system and then fucking make a judgement.

Speaker 2 I can't wait to hear it. Oh, you're so fucking.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck you. Tell me the job I will.

Speaker 5 So the system is this, right?

Speaker 5 When I do any project, I go, just send me all of it.

Speaker 2 Not the script.

Speaker 2 Not the script. Not the script? No.
Send me the props? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Send me all the lines. That's all my sides.
All the lines is the script. That is the scene.

Speaker 2 Only my line. Only his lines.
Yeah, okay. So rewrote it.
Only my scenes. Send me only my scenes.
That's it.

Speaker 5 Send me my scenes on fucking email.

Speaker 2 Got it. So you don't want to know what the story is.
You just want to know what you say in the story.

Speaker 5 Even if I read it, I don't understand it. I got it.

Speaker 2 And I'm okay with that. That's fine.
So anyway, I'll read yours.

Speaker 5 He's emailing me his fucking short every fucking day.

Speaker 2 Could you just extract his parts from your short?

Speaker 5 Just my lines. Anyway, so I got all the signs, which I think is a mistake.
And I make the assumption that there's obviously we're doing this first scene.

Speaker 5 So Thursday night, I worked the first three pages. It's just dialogue between me and Esther's character.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.

Speaker 5 And around two in the morning, I don't know what it is. I got another email.
I saw another email and I just poked on it.

Speaker 5 And once I poked on it, there was another scene that I have three pages of dialogue.

Speaker 5 And that was the scene I was doing the next Friday. Yuck.
Right.

Speaker 5 The second thing that happened was, I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm on medication.

Speaker 2 Get out of town.

Speaker 2 I didn't know that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'm on medication. And all of, there's a country

Speaker 5 depletion of that. So you can't.
There's a shortage.

Speaker 2 Of Adderall? No, it's not Adderall. Riddle.
Riddling. All right.

Speaker 5 So I haven't been on, for three days, I haven't been on any medication.

Speaker 2 Thanks a lot, China. Once again.
Fucking the fucking fucking China, dude. Yeah.
First of all, the chips in the cars. Now Riddlin.
What's next, China? Oh, goddamn. Food, clothes?

Speaker 5 Don't ever get a massage before a fucking podcast again.

Speaker 2 It does the opposite effect. I know.

Speaker 5 It really does the opposite effect.

Speaker 2 It's crazy. And you know who massaged me? Who? A Chinese lady.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 5 Anyway.

Speaker 5 So two in the morning, I read it, right? And I'm at somebody's house.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're not at the pharmacy? No.

Speaker 5 Thursday night, when I read the thing, I'm pretty much at somebody's house, Elsa's house.

Speaker 2 Got it. Ooh.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 5 And so I'm reading it, and I'm like, and I start, I go, I got to get out of here.

Speaker 7 I got to get out of here. Wait, wait, wait, we just breeze right over there

Speaker 2 Whose house? A friend of mine. Why'd your voice get so high? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Whose house?

Speaker 5 So anyway, I read it. I go, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 What did the house look like?

Speaker 5 It's an apartment.

Speaker 2 I know. Yeah.

Speaker 5 We just move on. How many rooms?

Speaker 5 One.

Speaker 2 How many bathrooms? One. How many animals? None.

Speaker 2 What's the bedroom look like?

Speaker 5 It's like an Ikea showroom.

Speaker 2 I love that. I love that.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 2 Spotless though. In the bathroom, the shower.
Curtain. Spotless.
Curtain.

Speaker 5 Curtain.

Speaker 7 The owner's around 25.

Speaker 2 You say, when you say owner.

Speaker 2 The renter. The renter.
The owner is in 65-year-old Jewish guy. Can we move on? Okay.
What was in this person's fridge?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 I know you looked. Oat pudding.
Oats. Oat pudding.

Speaker 2 Overnight oats type of stuff.

Speaker 5 Is that what you mean? No, they're like these, you know, they look like baby food. And it's like this.

Speaker 5 She offered it to me. I ate one.

Speaker 5 And it's one of those things, it does look like a baby thing where it's like a plastic thing and it goes down. There's like a little nozzle.

Speaker 2 Were you guys role-playing?

Speaker 2 Was baby role-playing? Thanks, mommy, for the fucking pudding. Baby, that's what I did.

Speaker 8 Thank you. Does my little baby want your moat pudding?

Speaker 8 Does he want it on his little pee-pee? Yeah. Does mommy need to clean the oat pudding off your little peepee?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 7 And then ding.

Speaker 2 Oh no, I have

Speaker 7 redo my advice. You have to read my script.

Speaker 5 Right. So I rush home, right?

Speaker 5 And my call time's at like seven in the morning.

Speaker 7 Bib's still on.

Speaker 2 Seven in the morning. What? Bib's still on.
Pacifier.

Speaker 2 I got to get home.

Speaker 5 Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay.

Speaker 5 So anyway, um,

Speaker 5 seven in the morning, I show up and I'm like frantically reading these three pages. It's like every other line and they're chunky line.
It's, you know.

Speaker 2 Can you do any of them right now?

Speaker 5 No. damn, that stinks.
It sucks. I show up, and I go,

Speaker 5 Thank God the first scene wasn't that scene, right?

Speaker 5 It was with the guy that sees dead people, he was in it.

Speaker 2 Uh, uh, Haley Joel Osmond, yes, played golf against him. Nice guy, really nice guy, nice guy, super sweet.

Speaker 5 We talked for a long time, it was cool, and Brittany Furlawn was there.

Speaker 2 I love her. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 5 and love both of them. And then

Speaker 5 the scene happened, and um,

Speaker 5 I show up, and I just, something happened. I was just there, and I just go, I thought to myself, I don't know any of it.

Speaker 2 You don't remember any of the lines?

Speaker 5 Like, I just couldn't, because I didn't sleep that well.

Speaker 5 I'm not on my medication. I barely know the fucking script.
And then all of a sudden, like, this is your first time, first day on a movie.

Speaker 5 And you're like,

Speaker 5 you know, first impressions.

Speaker 2 And I'm just like. You know everybody.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 5 Which makes it worse, I think.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, 50th impressions, they mean something.

Speaker 2 All right, shut up. Your friends are on the movie.
Half the people are your friends.

Speaker 5 I understand. So, and as soon as I opened my mouth, I was like, oh, this is going to be a nightmare.

Speaker 2 Well, so you spiraled yourself. That was the problem.

Speaker 5 I started spinning. You know what I mean? Yeah, Bob.
And then I had to go to the director and go

Speaker 5 because another actor that I know that's like pretty big, I don't name his name. He told me this happened to him once.
It's a little trick.

Speaker 5 So it's basically like, just on your close-up, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Just feed me every line.

Speaker 2 Oh, I've seen people do that. Yeah.
Where they just

Speaker 5 had never done that before.

Speaker 2 They line by line it.

Speaker 5 Yeah. And they just say the line, you know what I mean? And even then,

Speaker 5 it was just so embarrassing. Like, I was so embarrassed and full of shame.
Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's like, like, I, I've worked so much, and this never happens.

Speaker 5 And so it was just got this new panic and this new thing. And it's like, and after all, it was like, it took forever, like eight or nine hours of sheer panic.

Speaker 2 So, on your side, they line by lined it on the other person's side. You just read off the script to them, yeah, yeah, I've seen that after the movie.

Speaker 5 I literally, after because I also have eight more days on it, yeah, that's a long time, and then Monday, I have to do that first thing that I worked on, right? It's terrible.

Speaker 2 So, the movie's not terrible, you I was terrible, no, no, not you. It was what was happening was bad, never happened before.

Speaker 5 And I walked, and this is what, and Esther was so laughing so hard. I went to every single person.

Speaker 5 The grip, you know what I mean?

Speaker 5 People that didn't even work there, you know what I mean? Like the security guy.

Speaker 2 Name some other positions.

Speaker 5 Craft service.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 5 Yeah,

Speaker 5 gaffer. Gaffers.
Yeah, sound guy. Best boy.
Best boy. Literally walked up to me.
I locked him. I go, this will never happen again.
I'm so sorry. The apology tour.
I did the shame tour. That's so sad.

Speaker 5 And then also, everyone started going, choo-choo, because of the shame train.

Speaker 2 So everyone was going, Bobby's doing the shame train, Choo-choo. And I just kept going.
I kept going around. It was like...
The sound of the engine is you crying. Just...

Speaker 5 I mean, it was like,

Speaker 6 and it's so hard to admit that.

Speaker 5 No, it's not.

Speaker 2 It's okay because it happens to fucking everybody.

Speaker 5 No, I've seen it happen, but it's just like, it's still, when you're going through it, it's weird. It's like,

Speaker 5 it's sort of like a panic attack mixed in with like this

Speaker 5 fear. It's really weird.

Speaker 2 I look, people don't understand what that's like.

Speaker 5 It's, it's, you know, it's so hard.

Speaker 2 It stinks. It sounds, and it's like, and it's like small, it's like, you know, privileged people problems, but it's like, oh, big deal.
But it also is, it's like, it's hard on your mind.

Speaker 2 I guess what's weird is people that do labor-intensive jobs, like there was a guy that was putting in fucking rain gutters at my house.

Speaker 2 That's so fucking, he's in the sun and, you know, like, he's drilling these things. He's got to clean out the thing.
It's labor-intensive. But that he's exhausted physically from.

Speaker 2 At the end of the day, when you do 15 hours on a set, your brain hurts.

Speaker 2 You're mentally, the drain it takes, it's hard to explain. People go, big deal.
You're like, it does fuck with your head because you're up at 4 a.m. and you rap at 9 p.m.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And your brain feels like five days went by. It's fucked.
It's super hard.

Speaker 5 There's also this like, it depends on what you're doing, but like even like last couple of weeks ago, I did Sex in the City.

Speaker 5 And even if I don't have a lot to say, there's also this weird, like, because you're in Manhattan and because it's elevated almost, it feels elevated, there's this pressure that happens. Totally.

Speaker 5 And you're walking, like you're walking, you're like, it's time, right?

Speaker 2 And you go, okay.

Speaker 5 And you start walking, and there's this weird pressure that happens. And you don't feel that podcasting.
You don't feel it doing stand-up.

Speaker 5 For me, it only happens in that thing. That's why I do it, I think.
Well, because it's like the only thing that really scares me or, you know what I mean? It challenges me. Totally.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but it's hard, man.

Speaker 2 How's your poop schedule?

Speaker 5 Well, because of Dave King. You know, Dave King.
Love. Yeah, Dave King was like, you know, he made a joke months ago.
He goes,

Speaker 5 I take Amodium AD before every meal. So he just doesn't get diarrhea.

Speaker 2 Seriously? Yeah. He has that bad of a stomach?

Speaker 5 No, but it was a joke. And I and yesterday.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking it's real.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I started doing it.

Speaker 2 It's real to Buffy. It's real to you, yeah.

Speaker 5 I'm like, oh, that's a good idea. Yeah.
So I've been taking emodium AD before, and I didn't poop for like like a week.

Speaker 2 What is that?

Speaker 5 It stops diarrhea, but when you don't have diarrhea, you don't poop. You get constipated.

Speaker 7 But it's like a pill or something?

Speaker 2 It's a pill. It's made for

Speaker 2 geriatric people to.

Speaker 2 I mean, they hand it out in Old Folks home like candy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so I stopped taking it. I've been pooing a lot.

Speaker 2 Good, okay, good.

Speaker 2 Whenever I work on a show, I can't poop. What's that? I poop one every five days, I think.

Speaker 3 This is what I got after you.

Speaker 5 Because this is in the middle of the nightmare that I was going through. Yeah.
So I called, you know, this is a break. Go ahead.

Speaker 5 If this piece of shit doesn't fucking pick up, I swear to fucking God, I'm going to snap.

Speaker 5 If this piece of shit doesn't fucking, he's fired.

Speaker 5 If he picks up, it would be very nice.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 9 He always runs to answer Santino's calls.

Speaker 2 He doesn't dominate.

Speaker 5 I always go to fucking voicemail.

Speaker 9 Are you serious? Yeah.

Speaker 9 He's always on his phone, too.

Speaker 2 Please leave your message in the

Speaker 5 Hey, why don't you say, hey,

Speaker 5 I'm not here. Please leave a message.
I have to do the fucking number thing.

Speaker 5 And also, secondly, if Andrew Santino called,

Speaker 5 you fucking pick up right away.

Speaker 5 And also, thirdly, Sunday, I ain't doing it. I ain't doing no bad friend Sunday.
You know what I mean? I gotta get rest. I'm shooting a real hot movie thing.
Alright, so fuck you.

Speaker 2 I like how, by the way, I like how you broke down what you were shooting. You started in your mind.
I'm shooting a real.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm shooting.

Speaker 2 I'm doing a thing, and I just can't. I watched you collapse from a real big movie to an almost nothing.

Speaker 2 Okay, this is...

Speaker 2 A lot of respect shown.

Speaker 5 I guess the shame train is still going. Let's do it.

Speaker 2 Choo-choo.

Speaker 2 Cho-go.

Speaker 2 Chogo, chugo, chogo, choggo, choo.

Speaker 2 Going to Spain.

Speaker 5 The train's going into Spain. There it is.
Choo, choo-choo, choco-choo, choo-choo.

Speaker 2 Barcelona. Barcelona.
Welcome to Barcelona.

Speaker 5 I make the stop. Excuse me, sir.
I apologize. It's all good.
No, that was. Let me say something, though.

Speaker 5 Just a little bit.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 You responded to me at 2 in the morning. So

Speaker 5 that was probably around 6.

Speaker 5 So that's how long it takes to get a response?

Speaker 3 I didn't realize you have called me.

Speaker 3 You usually don't call me.

Speaker 2 He's a fucking beautiful wife. He has a life.
I get it all of it. The guy's got a life.
I get it. I love it.

Speaker 2 He's not at a fucking studio apartment with some 26-year-old getting scripts in the middle of the night. He's got a beautiful life and a beautiful wife.
He's a busy man.

Speaker 2 I apologize. Okay.
Oh, good. Okay.
Chuka, chicka, chicka, choo, chew. Bye, Spain.

Speaker 2 That's it? Yeah, yeah. Are you married in this movie, Bill? Your name's Bill in the movie, yeah? Yeah, I'm married in it, yeah.
And you're married, who is your wife in it? Who is she?

Speaker 5 I don't know. They don't have, she's not in it.

Speaker 2 Oh, then what's the I say it in the script? Oh, you say my wife? I'm Cindy, yeah. Oh, Cindy? Yeah.
Who would you wish it was played by if it was a real person?

Speaker 2 I'm being serious. I'm being real.

Speaker 5 I think it would be.

Speaker 5 You know who I would love?

Speaker 2 Let's say it at the same time on the count three. One, two, three.
Allie Wong. Aquafina.
Oh.

Speaker 2 I said Ali Wong.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Aquafina came to the store a couple nights ago.

Speaker 2 Were you there that night? No, I would have loved to see it.

Speaker 5 We hung out.

Speaker 2 Dasani showed up last night, by the way. Do you know Dasani?

Speaker 2 Gosh, all these are really not landing today. Is it the San Diego company? No, like the water company.
Mr. Tasani is another water bottle company.
That's really funny. Fiji came to the store.

Speaker 2 I really love it. Fiji was in the main room.

Speaker 7 That was really good. I didn't want to be racist if that was Aquafina, right?

Speaker 2 That's so good. Thanks, man.

Speaker 2 You know what you're doing right now, dude?

Speaker 5 You're doing Largo material. I'm just working.

Speaker 5 The type of writer room, whatever, in Aqua Park or whatever.

Speaker 2 That's like what I call it. Dynasty Type.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dynasty Type.

Speaker 5 You're not doing club humor.

Speaker 5 You're doing evolved humor.

Speaker 2 All right, you want me to do club stuff? I'll tell you, I did.

Speaker 5 So do it again. So Aquafina came.

Speaker 2 Oh, that fucking...

Speaker 5 Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Do you know? I know we're way past my birthday. It's so far past.
You don't even know. Happy birthday.
Yeah, no. Do you know you called me on my birthday? When? And didn't say happy birthday.

Speaker 7 Oh, no, that happened in Dave.

Speaker 2 When?

Speaker 7 I watched it, but it was your dad.

Speaker 2 Yeah. When?

Speaker 7 That's so sad.

Speaker 2 My birthday was October 16th. You called me on my birthday.

Speaker 5 I must have said after hello, I must have said happy birthday.

Speaker 2 No, I know for a fact.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm going to cry.