White Shenanigans

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Speaker 2 Terms and conditions apply.

Speaker 1 Hey, we're going to be at the comedy store. Next week.
Next week, next Tuesday night, 8 p.m. in the main room.

Speaker 3 All the proceeds, Bob. Where are they going? They're going to the door men and women of the comedy store, and they're all talented kids, and we want to help them out for the holidays.

Speaker 3 So it's going to be Bad Friends' Lives.

Speaker 1 Hopefully, if you guys let us sell out the 8 p.m., we can do the 10 p.m. afterwards and raise more money for the men and women that work at the comedy store to help them.
They'll be so happy.

Speaker 1 Go to comedystore.com for tickets. Thecomedystore.com.
I'm going to be in Boston, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Eve. Eve, get those tickets now.
We just added a late show to New Year's Eve.

Speaker 1 AndrewSantino.com. Come see me in Boston, AndrewSantino.com.
Also, we got new merch. Look at this, huh? Look at that, baby.

Speaker 3 Bob Shoulder.

Speaker 3 I love mine.

Speaker 1 This is awesome. We got new merch, guys.
Look at this. New merch.
Look at it. We're yelling at each other.

Speaker 1 This is great stuff. Go to badfriendsmerch.com or it's in the merch bar down below.
But if not, badfriendsmerch.com.

Speaker 3 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 3 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 4 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 3 You two or something. We're bad friends.

Speaker 3 No, no. You know how sometimes you go to like a hotel and you, you know, the valet, but they have to pay that lady behind the count.
You know what I mean? Wait, what? Say that.

Speaker 3 You know how you go to a valet, you have to pay. Sometimes you don't pay at the valet thing.
French people. There's an actual like little, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Desk thing. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's what she looks like.

Speaker 3 A desk girl. A desk, no, but only for valets.

Speaker 3 What is it? Because of her pants.

Speaker 3 Just her vibe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Her energy.
I I think it's cool. You look like

Speaker 3 general manager of an El Poy local, but not in this country.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Like, there's a new branch in Honduras.

Speaker 3 Right? And she's like, you're the general manager, though.

Speaker 1 What's on your forehead?

Speaker 6 It's a pimple cream.

Speaker 3 Oh. We shouldn't have brought that up.
Well, it's right.

Speaker 1 I just didn't know what I had. It's right there.
What do you want me to do?

Speaker 3 Rocky mountain. Hi.

Speaker 3 Let's talk about the pimple cream.

Speaker 5 Well, this morning I woke up to like a really, really big zit, and then I wanted to pop it because it was so painful.

Speaker 10 And then I was in the mirror and when they popped it, it like squirted all over the mirror.

Speaker 3 I love it. I love that.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 1 One of my favorite things is popping a b a good pimple.

Speaker 5 Do you use like a little needle to like

Speaker 13 poke it? What? Just your fingers.

Speaker 9 Oh, but sometimes it's like hard.

Speaker 1 Nah, you just got to squeeze, baby. Oh.

Speaker 3 Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 You puncture your face first and then... Yeah, I've seen that online.

Speaker 6 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know what I do?

Speaker 1 It's disgusting. Yeah, the dogs do it.

Speaker 3 No, that's a good guess, though. And I appreciate that.
That's That's a really good guess.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 3 What I'll do is I'll bite my nail.

Speaker 1 Take a nail. I'll take it.

Speaker 3 And I'll turn it into like a little shiv.

Speaker 3 So I'll bite it. Turn it into like a mini shiv.
Yeah, I got it. And I'll pop it that way.
Because sometimes I pop it in places there are no needles. Right, and I get that.

Speaker 3 There's not needles everywhere.

Speaker 1 And your nails are. Don't grow on trees.
Your nails are clean, so you figured.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's another good point, and that's funny that you say that. Why not?

Speaker 1 Wash my hands first. Why not get the infection worse?

Speaker 3 that's true i get that yeah yeah that's smart so the dirt on your fingernails now gets into the hole in your face yeah um can i ask you a question please you're not fully over your whatever you had your voice is thick my boy sounds normal to me

Speaker 1 and then friday night you were like a little grumpy on the phone why was i grumpy on the phone i don't know i called you like you're not gonna be here i go and i go what oh no i was in the main room of the store yeah let's talk about it I was in the main room of the store and the sound guy was coming to look to see who was supposed to be next and I was supposed to bring you on next, but I couldn't, I didn't bring you on.

Speaker 1 I ended up bringing on somebody else, Benji Afalo.

Speaker 3 You did.

Speaker 3 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 the sound guy said, is Bobby not going to make it? And I said, well,

Speaker 1 I'll call him. And I said, Bob, your spot is next.
Are you going to be here? And he said, no.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I said, why not?

Speaker 3 I was at the improv.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 You were done at the improv. No, I was at the improv.
You were done.

Speaker 3 Was I not at the improv, though?

Speaker 1 You were before, but you were done. You could have made your spot, but you didn't want to.
So you just bailed. So for all the fans out there

Speaker 1 that paid for a ticket on Friday night and didn't get to see Bobby, he bailed.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I'm there every night.

Speaker 1 And if you really want to know, if you want to, really, you can come every night.

Speaker 1 He wanted to go get food.

Speaker 3 Oh, damn. That's it.

Speaker 14 Now I know what to tell people when I'm working. When I'm working and Bobby doesn't show up, I get a long line of people that are really upset and sad.

Speaker 3 How much for the car? Are you going to get it?

Speaker 3 The car?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. You're the car.
Okay, sorry, bad. Don't talk about it.

Speaker 3 My point is: listen, okay?

Speaker 3 Can I tell you what happened last night?

Speaker 1 Stop calling in if you're not going to do the spots.

Speaker 3 Fuck you. I've seen you so many times cancel.
Never.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. I never cancel.

Speaker 3 That argument doesn't work. But, you know what I mean? But I tried.
And that's what's great about me, right? I commit to whatever nonsense.

Speaker 1 What happened last night?

Speaker 3 Last night, I'll tell you what happened, right? It's scary.

Speaker 3 Fucking scary. So I'm in the main room at the comedy store

Speaker 3 in the green room. And I was there.
I had a friend from

Speaker 3 Canada with me. Okay.
Yeah. And we're sitting there.
Eddie Pepitone's there. You know, the old man? Love Eddie.
So funny.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And he's there with his friend.
And then there's this black guy. Okay.

Speaker 1 What? Well, just the way you went. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Like you laughed at him. Oh, I did.
Yeah. Can I say it again?

Speaker 3 Guy.

Speaker 3 Black.

Speaker 1 There was a guy who was

Speaker 3 who happened to be black. Just so happened to be black.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's sitting there, and it's everything's fine.
I'm like, you know, I was there a little early, and we're all chatting.

Speaker 3 This is guys sitting there on one of the, you know, at where the bar is, that little bar that they don't serve anything. In the main room.
And he says something a little bit weird.

Speaker 1 He's like, yo, a man,

Speaker 3 it's a straight Trejo Trejo on stage. And I go, what?

Speaker 13 Trejo Trejo.

Speaker 3 And I go, Jesus Treo?

Speaker 3 That's his name?

Speaker 3 I go, yeah.

Speaker 3 So that right there, you know, in your head, you're like, why would you, you don't know him? Treyo, Treyo.

Speaker 3 Who are you? Yeah. Well, I know.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 So I look on the list, because, you know, sometimes you have your, you know what I mean, the open micros that open the show. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Don't point at her.

Speaker 3 Not her. I'm just saying, you know who I'm talking about.
You know what I mean? The names.

Speaker 3 You hire me. I do hire you.
You're fucking great. Yeah, yeah, you're cheap.

Speaker 3 I mean, you're talented, but cheap help. Like, we're not getting fucking

Speaker 3 Nick. What's her name? Nikki Haley, whatever her name is.

Speaker 1 Who's Nikki Haley?

Speaker 3 Anyway, no, I don't know who that is. Oh, she's a politician, right? Yeah, her.

Speaker 3 I can't get Nikki Haley.

Speaker 3 What? What? Does she do stand-up? No, she's running for the Republican bitch.

Speaker 1 She does stand-up?

Speaker 3 No, she doesn't.

Speaker 3 No wonder Nikki Haley. But she should.
Her whole campaign is a stand-up.

Speaker 3 Oh, it is? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Show me some Nikki Haley stand-up.

Speaker 3 Let me finish. Let me finish.

Speaker 3 I might cast my vote for her. Yeah, Yeah, stand up.
There is no stand-up.

Speaker 1 By the way, Pete typed in Nikki Haley's stand-up.

Speaker 3 Fire.

Speaker 3 Stand up for America. Well, stand up.
Oh, stand up for America.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. No, it's Stanford.
That's very good, though.

Speaker 3 So, what? So, what?

Speaker 1 So, this young black man.

Speaker 3 Right, so then let me tell the story, please. Yeah, yeah.
So, he goes, Treyo, Treyo, and I go, uh-uh. And look at the, there's no, there's, he's not on the list.

Speaker 3 Then he then starts mumbling. When do I gotta go up?

Speaker 3 Like, just randomly going going that.

Speaker 1 Asking when do I get to go up? I'm gonna go up.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 I'm not kidding you. And for my peripheral, I'm like, there's something wrong.
Because he's also, his eyes are going

Speaker 1 all over the room. Yeah, zigzagging.
Zigzagging.

Speaker 3 When do I get to go up? You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 And I can't, I'm not good with confrontation. I know that.
Right? So I'm like,

Speaker 3 you're going to go up?

Speaker 3 What else do you say?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. I leave.
I just leave. No, no, no.
I double down. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Because I think we're not. But also, Eddie, they have no idea what's going on.

Speaker 1 Eddie doesn't know him either.

Speaker 3 No, but he has no idea that there's danger.

Speaker 1 Why is there danger?

Speaker 3 Some guy doesn't Treyo Treo and going,

Speaker 3 mumbling, when do I get to go up?

Speaker 1 Sounds like a comic.

Speaker 3 That's true. That's true.

Speaker 3 That is true. So what? Then he starts going like, yo, man,

Speaker 3 he goes, I've seen you on the TikTok. And I go.
That's right. I know, but

Speaker 3 you have to understand that if you're a comic, you don't say that but i understand he has i understand what he's saying right but it's like you know me going yeah dave to you and i'd go uh-huh oh okay so i'd go okay tick tock i should have done that he just doesn't know a lot of words oh that's true okay it sounds like his vocabulary right so then i'm i'm like i got to do something yeah would you no you just let him

Speaker 1 immediately leave the room

Speaker 3 i know but but i know if i was the only person in the room leave then i would leave but i don't i don't want to leave the room and then I come back and Eddie Pepetone's in like 19 different pieces.

Speaker 3 Then I'll feel guilt.

Speaker 1 He can defend himself. He's fine.
Can he? Oh, so you're the hero of the day?

Speaker 3 Between me and Eddie Pepitone?

Speaker 1 My money's on Eddie.

Speaker 3 No, no, that's offensive.

Speaker 3 He's fucking a thousand years old. No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He can fight for sure. There's no doubt.

Speaker 3 No, no. He's a thousand years old, this guy.

Speaker 1 Look at him. He's the man.

Speaker 3 That.

Speaker 1 Okay, who's your money on Jules between him and Bobby in a fight?

Speaker 6 He looks like he's going to have a heart attack.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 5 So maybe Tito Bob.

Speaker 15 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Sony. So you're saying the only reason that Bob would win is because he might have a heart attack.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right. But outside of that, let's just say he has a heart attack.
There's none of me doing anything. That's just him killing himself then.

Speaker 1 But let's just say he's got a really healthy heart. Like, I know his vitals are great.

Speaker 6 Okay, then maybe him.

Speaker 1 Truth is the truth. What do you think, Juice?

Speaker 14 I think Eddie would take the hit for the insurance money.

Speaker 3 Thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 1 So he would lose on purpose. He's a fall guy.
Yeah. But what that means is he could still beat you if he did.

Speaker 1 So what do you do? Anyway. Okay, so what do you do?

Speaker 3 I go to the front, I go to Jess, and I go,

Speaker 3 I think there's a crazy person in the green room. She's like, what are you talking about?

Speaker 3 And I go, what do you mean? There's a fucking crazy black. Oh, my God.
Sorry, I shouldn't have done that.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 3 Leave it in. No, leave it in.
I was just doing a callback for the black.

Speaker 3 And then this fucking guy goes, we got to fucking cut it out.

Speaker 1 No, it's great. Leave it in.
It was just a joke. It was a joke.
So look, you told Jess.

Speaker 3 So I go, she goes, okay. And she comes with me.
I go, no, you can't come now.

Speaker 3 You can't come now.

Speaker 3 She's like, why? I go, because you got to. Then

Speaker 3 he knows that I'm the one that north.

Speaker 3 Right? You got to come in eight minutes.

Speaker 1 Ah, time it.

Speaker 3 I typed it. Time your name.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I went back in there, and then lo and behold, Eddie Purpletone's still alive.
Thank God. Yeah, yeah.
I'm like, oh, he's done in pieces, right?

Speaker 3 And the guy's still sitting there. I go to the bathroom, and I just pretend that everything's everything's fine.
Right. Right.
Right. And then she finally comes in and she goes,

Speaker 3 what's your name? And he goes, ah,

Speaker 3 like that. Oh, I know that guy.
That guy. He's funny.
That's his name.

Speaker 3 He actually riffs. Yeah, he hears that.
Yeah. Yeah.
That would be a name that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 1 They go nuts. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's like earthquake. You know, he has their own name.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Cool. So he goes, he goes, ah.

Speaker 3 And she goes, are you a paid regular? He goes,

Speaker 3 yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. Right? She goes, no, you're not.
He goes, I'm not.

Speaker 3 Oh, easy. And then, no, but then he goes, she goes, you have to leave.
He goes, why?

Speaker 3 Because you're not performing. He goes, but can I go up?

Speaker 1 These are good questions.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 1 He is putting in good questions.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but can I just tell you, though, I mean, if people don't know at home,

Speaker 3 it's a sold-out room in the main room, right?

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 it's not like,

Speaker 3 it's not, it's not difficult to get back there, but it's not something you know that you're not supposed to be back there.

Speaker 1 You know, you're not supposed to be back there, right?

Speaker 3 It's just there's a long hallway, there's a stay back there.

Speaker 3 You just, you know what I mean? You have to be very bold. Yeah.
Right. Also, if you're an up-and-coming comedian, you just in your mind know that just that's not the way it happens.
Of course, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's what I'm saying. You don't just go, can I go up? My name is Ah.

Speaker 3 Right. That just doesn't work.
Right. But he goes,

Speaker 3 Can I go up? And she's like, no, you can't. You have to leave this room.

Speaker 3 And he hesitates. He goes, ah, nah.

Speaker 13 Nah.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 Okay. And he gets up and leaves.
Right. Yeah.
And then they banned him for life.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. That was my win.

Speaker 3 I go, you banned him for life. Now he's going to think I did that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So if you're out there listening, ah,

Speaker 1 Bobby is the reason you'll never perform at the comedy store. And honestly, Bobby Lee, and you guys, fans, will you put his address right here at the bottom of the screen?

Speaker 1 So mail your complaints there.

Speaker 3 I want to show

Speaker 3 I want you to feel the guilt.

Speaker 1 No, I wouldn't feel guilty at all.

Speaker 3 Oh, if Aw came to my fucking house and murdered me in my sleep, you wouldn't feel guilty. Hilarious.

Speaker 3 Listen, right?

Speaker 3 When you kill me, take my blood and on the wall go Andrew Sentinel. Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 I'd say Andrew Santino because I think that's what I'm saying. There's a lot of Andrews Andrew.

Speaker 3 Yes, Santino. How about Cheo Santino? Cheeto Sentinel.
Yeah, Cheeto Sentinel. Yeah, he'll know.
Right? Yeah. You won't feel the guilt? No.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 3 You know, put his address under the

Speaker 3 see which house. Because let me say something.

Speaker 1 You can open for me.

Speaker 3 I'd have never seen your act at all. At all.
But, dude, I'm telling you, I pack for rooms, kill Andrew, and you can open for me.

Speaker 1 All right. All right.
We'll just see who dies first. Dude, so funny.
This guy, I hope, is a big fan.

Speaker 1 I hope he's know of this show and is listening to this show

Speaker 1 and is going to show up more to the comedy store and be like, I heard you got me banned. I listened to your show.

Speaker 3 I didn't get him banned.

Speaker 1 Okay. I mean, that story definitely sounds like you did.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's right.

Speaker 3 I should have told that story. Yeah, that's right.
Because eight minutes, I should have waited. Yeah.
That's okay. I mean, I should have said the eight minutes.

Speaker 3 It's gonna be okay.

Speaker 1 So, Rude, you got cut off. Welcome back, by the way, Rudy the Jewels.

Speaker 9 Hi.

Speaker 3 Hi.

Speaker 1 Are you sad your mom and sister are gone?

Speaker 7 Yeah, but I also like being alone.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we know that.

Speaker 3 I don't know what she does at night. I come home.
It's like Friday, Saturday night. But she hasn't been.

Speaker 10 It was like two days that I didn't see you, and you didn't tell me that you were in New York.

Speaker 1 Was he got to check in with you before he goes to New York?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Are you my parole officer? Yeah.
Yeah. No.
No, you have to tell me.

Speaker 3 Let's see what that conversation got.

Speaker 8 You just say, you just say. No, no, no, no, I got to do it.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 Dring.

Speaker 3 Hello?

Speaker 3 Hey.

Speaker 13 By the way, how are you?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 15 Good.

Speaker 3 How are you?

Speaker 3 Okay, bye. What does that mean?

Speaker 3 That's it.

Speaker 1 She hangs up already.

Speaker 3 That's crazy. Okay, bye.
That means that she doesn't want to know any information. That's right.
No, you don't. It could be like, I've been captured.
You didn't finish it.

Speaker 3 You don't know why he's in New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, okay. No, no, no.

Speaker 3 It's too late. It's too late.
I'm already dead. You're not happy.

Speaker 3 Let's do it again. That was my one chance.
I was like, I'm free. I would have called you.
I was like,

Speaker 3 I'm in New York. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Bye. What? I'm dead.

Speaker 3 Fuck you.

Speaker 3 Okay,

Speaker 1 let's say you're a kid. You're adult napped.
Let's say you were stolen. Yeah.
Somebody steals Bobby Lee. A group of thugs.
Just pick it up. I need the specifics.
Oh, who does it?

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Yakuza.

Speaker 3 In New York?

Speaker 1 They're everywhere.

Speaker 3 That's true. Like, more the Chinese triad.

Speaker 1 Okay, the Chinese Triad steals you because they're not a fan of Koreans. Yeah.
And so they steal you, right? And they say, listen up.

Speaker 3 You have.

Speaker 1 That doesn't seem.

Speaker 3 Sorry.

Speaker 3 Honestly, that doesn't seem Chinese.

Speaker 1 Listen up.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You have.
Higher up, though, maybe? Listen up.

Speaker 1 Listen

Speaker 3 They're them.

Speaker 1 And that's what he's saying to you right there. What is that group right there? That's the Chinese Triad.

Speaker 1 But that's him right there on the front. He's saying, you have a one phone call.

Speaker 3 That's great.

Speaker 1 And so that's what he's saying. You have one phone call.

Speaker 1 Who are you going to call? Yeah. Now, you use this opportunity to tell on the list of people who you're going to call.

Speaker 1 Give me the list of where Jules would fall under the numbers you would call for help. The Chinese Triad has you in their layer, and they're like, you get a one phone call.

Speaker 1 Well, on my phone, i have favorites yeah who's it who's in the favorites you're in the favorites you're in my favorites you're in my favorites

Speaker 3 she's in your favorites she's the end though yeah

Speaker 3 like she's the second the last name on the favorites who's the first person you would call chinese triad

Speaker 3 now remember be real i know i'm saying it's not that who are you gonna call like oh i'm gonna die who are you gonna call to get you out of this chinese triad uh situation situation well so they have to talk to the triad to get me out of this situation that's right yeah oh then my manager.

Speaker 3 Abby, she's going to call her.

Speaker 1 You're going to call your Hollywood manager.

Speaker 3 Call Abby right now.

Speaker 3 Call her and she doesn't want to be on the podcast.

Speaker 1 I know, but let's put her on. She's your manager.
We can do whatever we want.

Speaker 3 I mean, I could try.

Speaker 3 I don't know what this is going to give us. Here's the deal.
But I'll try. Well, it's worth a try, right?

Speaker 1 They want you to call her and be like, but you play you and go, I'm captured by the Chinese triad.

Speaker 1 I need you to help me get out.

Speaker 1 At the tone, please record your message.

Speaker 3 When you finish recording, you may hang up or press one for more options.

Speaker 3 I'm captured by the Chinese. Try it.
Gang, I'm in here. Hurry up!

Speaker 3 They have me in a cage. Well, those dogs cute because they eat the dog.

Speaker 17 They eat the dogs. I'm in the dog eating cake.

Speaker 3 Hurry up!

Speaker 3 I'm so scary.

Speaker 3 I'm scary.

Speaker 3 Call help me.

Speaker 3 This is fucked. This is fucked.
Now she's gonna fucking.

Speaker 3 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Leave your ringer on. I'll leave my ringer on.

Speaker 3 Well, I'll leave it on. Oh my god.
Put it on vibrant. Alright, so when they pick up, when she calls back, you have to answer.
You have to answer. And you have to be a chicken.

Speaker 3 You have to figure out your name. Yeah.
You're the leader of the Chinese community.

Speaker 1 You need to be working this stuff out in your head.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right now.

Speaker 3 Why you, how do you caught me? All that stuff. Why did you capture him? What do you want out of it? Yeah, we got to prepare this.
So, why did you capture a?

Speaker 3 Give me the accent first.

Speaker 3 Come here, she's going to call in any second.

Speaker 1 No, but let her surprise us with the accent.

Speaker 3 All right, all right, because I want to see

Speaker 3 if it's not, I'll be surprised.

Speaker 3 Okay, so

Speaker 3 why? Chinese try on.

Speaker 3 Well, we're trying to get more publicity, and you're a big name. So, this is smart again.

Speaker 14 If we can hold you capture,

Speaker 14 maybe we can get our name out there on Bad Friends.

Speaker 1 Oh, they want to be on the podcast.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's a really idea.

Speaker 1 But wait a minute, if they kidnap you, how would they get on the podcast? Because you mean they're going to use him as his own collateral?

Speaker 9 Yeah. It's kind of weird.

Speaker 14 You get Bobby back if

Speaker 3 we maybe

Speaker 14 30 members.

Speaker 3 How many are in the game?

Speaker 3 It's your

Speaker 3 improv.

Speaker 3 You're the leader.

Speaker 3 You create the world.

Speaker 14 We have 26 members, and we'd all like to be part of the podcast.

Speaker 3 26.

Speaker 3 Pretty good number. It's a lot of people.
That's how many door guys we have at this store, man. Is that what it is?

Speaker 3 All right, maybe throw in, you know, they better have 26 mics.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Everybody wants a cards.
Everybody wants a headset.

Speaker 3 Is that even possible? Can we buy it there?

Speaker 3 Yes. Anything's possible.

Speaker 3 Anything's possible. It's possible.
So 26 mics.

Speaker 3 What else is your demands?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what are the Chinese try demands? You better have that stuff lined up because Abby's a manager, man.

Speaker 3 because everyone has a writer, right?

Speaker 14 I didn't even know we could ask for more.

Speaker 14 All right, yeah, I just wanted to be on the podcast.

Speaker 3 But you're Chinese too, so you know,

Speaker 3 when I'm there, right? When I'm there,

Speaker 3 I need you know, what do you need? Dumplings, dumplings, they need dumplings, they love it, they can't go out without it. You know, we need opium,

Speaker 1 they love the opium. Can you get them that?

Speaker 3 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, and then no joke, like kung flu,

Speaker 3 no jokes, yeah, no Trump jokes. You know what I mean? No Trump jokes.
No Trump jokes. Don't call that China virus, but not that, because they don't like it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 No Asian hate. No Asian hate.

Speaker 1 We'll do a Chinese triad stop Asian hate episode.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah. White girl.

Speaker 1 Sounds good. I love white girls.
All right, are you prepared? You ready?

Speaker 3 I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I have an Asian girl that I want to show you. Show him this video of this Asian girl.
I want to see what your stance is on this. As an Asian American.

Speaker 1 I'm being genuine. I want your stance on this.

Speaker 3 And you won't even look.

Speaker 1 And you too, as foreign. No, no, no.

Speaker 3 You can look at her. No, I want to look.

Speaker 3 I'm going to be surprised by it is it beautiful i want you to just to and i just want you to listen to what she has to say i want to say this from what i see now yeah

Speaker 3 kind of cute yeah sure

Speaker 4 yeah i would probably date her okay let's let's see what she has let me see if you agree with what she says controversial opinion but if you have a token white and you're hanging out with your friend group of color

Speaker 4 You need to ask permission from everybody in the group to bring your white friend. Like, don't just bring them.
Ask for explicit permission from everyone.

Speaker 4 Because just because you're comfortable with them doesn't mean that everybody's comfortable with them. I might not be in the mood to deal with white shenanigans that day.

Speaker 3 That's all I'm saying. And another thing, it feeds into their ego.

Speaker 4 Like, don't let them think they're a good white person.

Speaker 4 Don't give them that card to use against other people. Please don't do that.

Speaker 3 So what do you think?

Speaker 3 I don't like white shenanigans. Who does?

Speaker 1 I never like that. Who does?

Speaker 3 Ever since I've been in this country.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're sick of white shenanigans.

Speaker 3 Fucking around, frolicking around.

Speaker 1 So if you're with a group of Asians, do you have to ask permission to bring a white?

Speaker 3 Well, I do mention it. How do you say it? You'll get the permission.

Speaker 1 How do you say it?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm coming. All right.
Or am I different? I'm calling. Do I get a different podcast?

Speaker 3 I'm going to call the main guy.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Ling.

Speaker 3 All right. No, well, Ling doesn't exist.

Speaker 3 That's why maybe I won't bring you.

Speaker 3 Because you already assumed.

Speaker 3 it just feels weird, right? So, you know what I mean? I'll do that on you.

Speaker 1 Was that white shenanigans?

Speaker 3 That was white shenanigans.

Speaker 3 I walk into a big room of all ages.

Speaker 3 What are we eating?

Speaker 3 Surprise!

Speaker 1 They're all like, you brought supplies?

Speaker 3 No, surprise!

Speaker 1 Is this, how do you feel about that, Rudy?

Speaker 5 I think what she's saying is kind of true.

Speaker 10 Oh, because from what I've noticed, like, like

Speaker 6 maybe hooking up with white and like

Speaker 12 Asian people, I kind of connect more to the Asian and I don't really connect to the white people.

Speaker 10 And also, I don't want to bring someone who's like cutie to Andrew that's weird.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.
So if you're if it's like you, I tell them like, oh, he's coming. He's coming.

Speaker 1 But she's saying you have to ask for her permission.

Speaker 6 No, I'm just going to say, oh, he's coming.

Speaker 3 I don't have to ask. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 6 You just have to mention it

Speaker 3 to like warn them. I ask.

Speaker 3 What do you say, Ling? I go, Ling, you know, you know

Speaker 3 at all?

Speaker 3 I can say. You're welcome.
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Speaker 3 Hey, I go, Ling, I'm bringing, you know, know, that podcast I do by Friends? He's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go, I'm bringing Andrew, right?

Speaker 3 And he'd be like,

Speaker 3 nah.

Speaker 3 At first, oh, really? And then I had to pitch it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he's honestly like, he's not, you know, he's not an insurrectionist.

Speaker 3 You got to throw that out there. That's the first thing you have to say.
Yeah, like he wasn't there, you know what I mean? On the sixth or whatever. Right.

Speaker 1 I support it, but I wasn't there.

Speaker 3 Right. Right.
I wouldn't say that part.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I wouldn't say that part.

Speaker 3 I go, you know, like, if he was on a dating site, it would say politically moderate. Right.

Speaker 3 Moderate.

Speaker 3 I would say moderate, right? It's lukewarm. Right, right, right.
And I'd be like, he's only going to be there for like a quick sec. Pop in, pop out.
He's going to pop in and pop out, right?

Speaker 3 And he's not going to shoot anybody. That's not what I mean.
He doesn't know what he's going to do. He's going to pop pop out and then pop out.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 He's going to, hey, look, maybe you may be in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's going to say, you know what I mean, happy birthday.

Speaker 3 And he's going to leave.

Speaker 3 And then he'd be like, all right.

Speaker 1 And then it'd be okay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 But, you know, honestly, though, I've never,

Speaker 3 let's be honest. What she's doing is insane.
It's disgusting. It's disgusting.
It's insane.

Speaker 1 If we're going to talk about it for real, that's fucking repulsive.

Speaker 3 It's very repulsive. And it's like, you know, if a white person had to ask his white friends, can I bring a Korean? That's insane.
What fucking, you know, no. Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 Well, this is, this is the problem with. I would still have sex with her, though.
Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 3 Would you? No.

Speaker 1 If you were single? No.

Speaker 3 Why? Because of the, well, she wouldn't have fucking, she wouldn't fuck you because of you. Well, because of how she feels about whites.
Yeah,

Speaker 3 so it's a big no.

Speaker 1 No, I understand.

Speaker 1 All joking aside about it, I did see it and I was like, this is, we're going backwards.

Speaker 14 I do think it should be a rule that you should, if you invite anybody, you should get permission from everybody.

Speaker 1 Right, but it shouldn't be contingent upon the color of their fucking skin. No, that's credit.

Speaker 3 That's crazy talk.

Speaker 1 You're a fucking crazy person.

Speaker 3 Like, you could tell that she's had experiences, like, she doesn't trust them. She thinks white people are racist.
No, so I'm like, this would be funny. Here's what happened.

Speaker 3 This would be funny, though. Yeah.
That if you made love to her, you finally, like, for a year courted her, right?

Speaker 3 And right when you were going to come, you look at her and go, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Speaker 3 oh my god, it's so funny.

Speaker 3 Like, as you know, you go, Kong!

Speaker 3 Oh, that be so funny!

Speaker 3 Her face, oh, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what happened, though. She was hanging out with a group of other Asians, and one of them brought a white, and she was like, Oh, he's up to that shenanigans.
That's where this comes from.

Speaker 1 Someone she knows brought a white to a group, she didn't like the white.

Speaker 3 I mean, you guys do things that are like shenanigan-like.

Speaker 1 So do you.

Speaker 3 Like, what?

Speaker 1 I mean, let's get into it. Should we tell them?

Speaker 3 What is the shenanigans?

Speaker 1 Pete, should we let them in on what they do? No, you guys, we really love you guys.

Speaker 3 That's a shenanigan.

Speaker 3 That's a shenanigan.

Speaker 1 I want to know what her white shenanigans are.

Speaker 1 What happened to her? What shenanigans happened?

Speaker 14 Poison face.

Speaker 3 Yeah,

Speaker 3 and a clown school broke out.

Speaker 3 Well, maybe

Speaker 3 it could have been like some guy said maybe some covet joke about china you know i mean which wasn't that's not shenanigan to me no that's just a bad some people have bad jokes yeah maybe it's like um

Speaker 3 like maybe she had dinner with a white guy and he goes where are your sticks yeah well you know i mean the chopsticks well did she not bring them

Speaker 3 you got to keep that that

Speaker 3 like solid 24 karat you know what i mean ones on my backpack they can't really have them yeah yeah and i like eating meatloaf with him that's our thing I know. Yeah, that's one of our things.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you should bring them.

Speaker 3 Bring a white.

Speaker 3 Hey, you know what? Yeah, bring a white. Bring a white.

Speaker 1 Don't tell anybody and bring a white.

Speaker 1 This holiday season, surprise your family with a white. Yeah.
What's white shenanigans, Rudy? Explain to us. I don't know.
You're young. You know.
You know what's going on.

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 2 But you're progressive.

Speaker 3 Maybe, like,

Speaker 6 you know, sometimes like white people are kind of like entitled.

Speaker 12 And I find it more.

Speaker 3 All white people are entitled?

Speaker 13 no

Speaker 3 some some of them or anybody is that is that but I've noticed that sometimes it's mostly white people that are entitled oh no no no I think that's interesting the truth is I think we have a perception that's that's true because I'm also scared of white people yeah it's it's what are you scared what are you scared of I don't know because I just feel like because I'm Filipino and Asian I'm more like at the bottom.

Speaker 15 Who does that?

Speaker 1 Do you do that or the whites do that?

Speaker 11 I don't know.

Speaker 1 That's interesting.

Speaker 3 Well, some whites, you know what I mean, feel that, but some Asians feel superior, like the Koreans and the French.

Speaker 10 Well, it's Korean and like Chinese, they always feel that.

Speaker 1 So, the problem is there's an Asian hierarchy of who thinks who's better than the other one. I guess, yeah, so that's a you thing.
So, don't blame it on the whites, okay?

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no, no, take that Asian bullshit somewhere else, don't talk to her like that.

Speaker 3 There's something behind that, man. All right,

Speaker 14 I don't feel superior, but I can see how

Speaker 3 I feel pretty small most of the time.

Speaker 14 But I can see how there are certain things I don't have to think about day to day that

Speaker 14 maybe people of color have to struggle with or think about. And so that's like makes my life easier.

Speaker 13 Fairy woke.

Speaker 1 See, she's woke. She's aware.

Speaker 3 Well, that's true.

Speaker 1 Some people, yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 3 There's some truth to that.

Speaker 1 There is, yeah. There's a nugget in there.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 For sure. I think that when Bobby walks somewhere, he's given the utmost freedoms.

Speaker 1 Goofy, short Asian guys, you're no, no one is, no one thinks anything negative immediately about you. You're not gonna walk into a store and they're gonna be like, watch out for this one.

Speaker 1 You're just gonna be you.

Speaker 1 Most of the time, if you walk in a store, they go, Look at that little cartoon character come to life

Speaker 1 because that's what you look like. If I owned a shop and you walked in, I'd go, look at this guy.

Speaker 1 That's unbelievable. I go, look at this guy.
I might take a picture of you.

Speaker 3 Really unbelievable.

Speaker 1 I go, we got to get a photo of this little guy.

Speaker 3 Honestly.

Speaker 1 Do you see the little Asian guy that came in here? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's proof.

Speaker 3 Like, you literally, like, I used to have a G.I. Joe, and they put fake hair on the eyebrows and the head.
You literally look like that right now.

Speaker 1 A GI Joe?

Speaker 3 You don't even look like you're human. Like, it was like placed on you in a factory.
It was.

Speaker 1 On the white factory.

Speaker 1 Really? A place that you'll never be able to get to go to.

Speaker 1 That's the entitlement we have, is that we are made in a factory.

Speaker 1 Whites are made

Speaker 3 in a factory. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Crap. It'd be cool to design my own white.

Speaker 1 Make a white?

Speaker 3 I would love to make a white.

Speaker 1 Like, build a bare boat.

Speaker 3 Make a white. They should have that in Asia.
Build a bill. Oh, I would love to.
Build a bill. Yeah, build a bill.
Build a bill. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm William. Right.
Like each, like you, you walk in, there's a hair. Yeah.
Right. So, like, blonde is like, it'll say $20.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Black, you know what I mean? $6.

Speaker 3 Red, free. Free.
Free red hair. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 It's not even a thing. It's on the ground.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Like, hay or it's on the ground. You know what I mean? Yeah.
You have to pick it up. Like, this is free.
You know what I mean? That's number one.

Speaker 1 And they realize it's just dyed Asian hair.

Speaker 1 It's dyed red.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's rat hair.

Speaker 3 They grow rats and they just

Speaker 1 garbage hair.

Speaker 3 Are you cheap?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 And then

Speaker 3 what else could you get? Pigmentation?

Speaker 1 Well, you pick their belly size, too, for sure.

Speaker 3 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Whites have a lot of rotund bellies.

Speaker 3 Right, so like maybe I'll get the Burke Kreischer.

Speaker 3 Right, you can get the Breiser. Maybe you can have, like, maybe comics should be the body types.
Right, you get the Theo. The Jazzo Neck, which is probably

Speaker 3 very expensive. Yeah, that's a good bot.
Yeah, yeah. I want to get the Jesuit leck.

Speaker 13 Ah, it's $495.

Speaker 1 What about the Kreischer? How much is that?

Speaker 3 $450, but then with coupon, it's $2.

Speaker 3 Right? Like, there's a coupon.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 3 So I'll do that. And then, um, so you get the

Speaker 3 height. Oh, height.
So you have the Brad Williams.

Speaker 13 Brad Williams package.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Children.
There's a two. Children or.

Speaker 3 Like you wouldn't, you wouldn't have a separate division

Speaker 3 for dwarves.

Speaker 3 Well, why not? And children. You would just put them in the one thing.
I don't know. I don't know.
You think so?

Speaker 3 You got to kick them something

Speaker 3 for the bit.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, for cutting purposes.

Speaker 3 for editing purposes, yes, we should have a separate

Speaker 3 but then you're that's a big store. Build a white would be a great white would be great.

Speaker 1 Build your white. Build your what's your perfect white friend? Build your perfect white friend then, Rudy.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 11 Um 5'10.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 It's crazy.

Speaker 11 Oh no.

Speaker 7 I'm thinking about a guy.

Speaker 16 I'm gonna go with a girl.

Speaker 5 5'7.

Speaker 3 Very good.

Speaker 16 Black hair.

Speaker 11 Your nose.

Speaker 1 I got a nice nose. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Thanks, Rude.

Speaker 3 Go to titties. Titties? Okay, well, good face first then.
You get there.

Speaker 3 No lips. No lips.
No lips.

Speaker 1 Most whites don't have good lips. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then. At all.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Is that you're saving money at the store? No.

Speaker 3 You're doing that. So that I can feel better about myself.
Oh, I see, I see. Yeah.
All right. Yeah.

Speaker 10 No eyebrows,

Speaker 3 okay,

Speaker 3 and then

Speaker 10 maybe medium-sized boobs, medium-sized sizes.

Speaker 1 Boobs, yeah. What's medium?

Speaker 3 What's medium to you?

Speaker 1 What size is medium in a bra? What's um, to you, in your mind, what's medium?

Speaker 8 36B.

Speaker 1 Is that what's medium to you, Juice?

Speaker 1 If a girl said, I have medium-sized boobs on the phone, you would assume she's what?

Speaker 3 Um,

Speaker 14 probably like uh

Speaker 3 D.

Speaker 14 I don't they go to like 26 sizes.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 D is medium?

Speaker 14 Well, because they go.

Speaker 1 I always thought D was big. Am I wrong?

Speaker 3 They're not

Speaker 14 because they go like all the way to

Speaker 3 Z? Z.

Speaker 3 No, they don't. They go to Z.

Speaker 14 And then they go back to double A, double B, double D's. I think most people, when they hear D, they think of double D's.

Speaker 3 Am I learning something?

Speaker 3 There's no Z.

Speaker 3 Maybe not.

Speaker 9 But it goes like to G and H.

Speaker 3 Well, versus Dolly Parton. What's Dolly Parton?

Speaker 1 Cup sizes range from double A the smallest to K is the biggest. Oh, nice.

Speaker 14 But then they double. So I think when guys think D's, they're thinking double D's.

Speaker 3 Is there double K?

Speaker 1 Probably. God, I hope not.
Yeah. Double K breasts.

Speaker 3 There's definitely triple K.

Speaker 3 No, no, that's racist.

Speaker 3 Where are those titties?

Speaker 1 That's so weird.

Speaker 3 I don't even remember how we even got to it.

Speaker 3 How did we get from what we were doing into this? I forgot. Building a perfect white.

Speaker 9 Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1 She was building a white.

Speaker 3 Oh, you're building a white. Yeah.
All right, like that.

Speaker 1 What are are you going to name your white? Yeah.

Speaker 7 Kimberly.

Speaker 3 Kim Burr Lee. Is that three names? Yep, last name.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So she's an Asian. Lee?

Speaker 3 Yeah, Kimber.

Speaker 7 No, no, it was just one name then, Kimberly.

Speaker 3 Whoa.

Speaker 1 So her first name is Kimber and her last name is Lee?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 8 Kimberly.

Speaker 16 What's a white last name?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 pick anything. Name an inanimate object and just name it.
It's like Bob Coffey.

Speaker 1 That's a white guy.

Speaker 5 Kimberly Plant?

Speaker 1 Kimberly Plant. That's definitely a white person.

Speaker 3 Kimberly Plant.

Speaker 1 It's definitely 100% a white person. Google Kimberly Plant and see if you guys have Kimberly Plant.
You know, there's one.

Speaker 1 There's one in probably L.A.

Speaker 3 Is that Poison Ivy's like

Speaker 3 regular name?

Speaker 1 Kimberly Queen Ferns, fresh from Florida. A dense evergreen fern shapely fern.
That's a real plant, Kimberly Plant.

Speaker 3 Are you single now, Rud?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 1 Still with him. What's going on there?

Speaker 11 Nothing.

Speaker 3 I'm getting bored, but.

Speaker 1 You're getting bored with him?

Speaker 3 When you say stuff like that, he hears it, it hurts his feelings. You're going to get in a fight with him.
Okay, I'm not getting bored.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 16 But, Tito Bobby.

Speaker 3 Can I say it? Yeah. I don't know what you're going to say.

Speaker 3 But something.

Speaker 16 Tito Bobby brought a girl over.

Speaker 3 Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. To her.

Speaker 3 To the house.

Speaker 3 What?

Speaker 5 And I told him, what if she's crazy and she comes here and then she kills all the dogs and cats?

Speaker 1 This is a valid question.

Speaker 3 What did you say?

Speaker 3 That it's not like, you know, I vet people.

Speaker 1 Hold on. And yes, I agree with you.
But also, she doesn't give up. This is how crazy she is.

Speaker 1 She doesn't care about her killing you

Speaker 3 or her.

Speaker 1 She's like, what if she kills the cats and dogs?

Speaker 3 That's so interesting.

Speaker 1 That's her instinct.

Speaker 1 What if this woman comes over and murders me?

Speaker 3 It's, Bobby, what if she kills the dogs? Imagine this.

Speaker 1 House is on fire.

Speaker 3 You're outside with all the animals. Yeah.
I'm still.

Speaker 3 I'm on fire.

Speaker 1 That's what will happen. Such a high likelihood, Bobby.

Speaker 3 So high likelihood.

Speaker 13 Because she lives downstairs.

Speaker 1 If the house catches on fire downstairs, there's no way out from upstairs. She's leaving you.

Speaker 3 Also, getting the three cats is not going to be easy. Nope.

Speaker 3 And she'll get them.

Speaker 3 And I'm going to be on fire.

Speaker 1 So what if you thought, what if this girl kills the animals?

Speaker 13 That was your honest question.

Speaker 3 What do you, I mean, how do you even answer that?

Speaker 3 I'll call the cops. Yeah, we'll call the cops.
I mean, there's things that it's, I fucked up, right?

Speaker 10 But it's your fault.

Speaker 3 What if your boyfriend kills the animals?

Speaker 8 Yeah, we can kill him. Yeah, but he's been there for like,

Speaker 8 I don't know. He's seen.

Speaker 3 How many times have he been there? Two times.

Speaker 1 Does he sleep over?

Speaker 11 No, he can't.

Speaker 1 Because you say no?

Speaker 3 No, he can. I tell you you can.
His parents are strict.

Speaker 3 How old is he?

Speaker 12 19.

Speaker 8 But

Speaker 8 he's been with me for six months.

Speaker 1 I forgot that you're 21 and he's 19.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's right. Young shit.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Older lady.

Speaker 3 It's not like Cher. Oh, my God.
Do you see Cher's boyfriend?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 3 What? What happened?

Speaker 3 He's 40 years younger.

Speaker 3 I love it. Oh, really? Yeah, look at Cher.

Speaker 1 Yeah, hell yeah, Cher.

Speaker 3 Look at Cher.

Speaker 3 That's not Bonham. How old is this guy?

Speaker 3 What's his name? Bono. Sonny Bono.

Speaker 3 That's Abono. Yeah, yeah.
No.

Speaker 1 What's this gentleman's name?

Speaker 1 Maybe I'm very incorrect. Cher's 76.

Speaker 3 He's 36. Wow.

Speaker 2 Alexander Edwards.

Speaker 3 She's 76. 40 years.

Speaker 1 Could you date someone 40 years different than you?

Speaker 3 Older?

Speaker 1 Well, if it was younger, it would be a 10-year.

Speaker 3 So, no.

Speaker 3 could you date a fucking you're right could you date a four-year-old woman a 96 year old woman well no you're you're 91 you're 91 yeah you're 51 91 year old well i mean there are certain things we can't do like what okay so things we can't do is like surf

Speaker 1 are you're not a big surfer i know but i'm just saying that you can't do it right but you can't just name stuff you can't do because you don't do them at all i know but i still might want to in the event that later in life you catch the surfing bug and you're surfing

Speaker 3 right

Speaker 3 i might want to get tubular. I get it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it, dog.
Right, so she can't surf. Right.
She can't.

Speaker 3 The hike's probably not that deep.

Speaker 3 Time out real quick. You don't even hike.
You don't hike.

Speaker 3 I've hiked before, though.

Speaker 3 Okay. Right.

Speaker 1 Since I've known you,

Speaker 1 maybe one hike. Okay.
So let's do stuff that you do that she can't do, that you actually do in your Bobby Lee real life.

Speaker 3 Right, real life. She can't do.
All right.

Speaker 3 She probably couldn't

Speaker 3 go to the comedy store. Why? It's late.
Oh, you're saying she'd be tired. Because remember when Ron Jeremy used to go?

Speaker 13 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Right? Ron Jeremy used to go to the comedy store, sit in the back booth, and he would fall asleep. And you'd be performing.
You could hear Ron Jeremy snoring.

Speaker 3 I don't want that. Right, right? I don't want her to completely fall asleep or die.

Speaker 3 There's a chance of dying, too.

Speaker 1 Well, but that's going to happen in general. You're in love with this woman.
She's going to die if she dies.

Speaker 3 I understand that, but the thing is, the odds of her dying, like if I brought, you know,

Speaker 3 Andreas to the comedy store, the odds of him dying sitting in the room is probably one in a million. Less, but yeah, probably.

Speaker 1 I'd say about one in ten grand.

Speaker 3 Yeah, maybe one in ten thousand. Yeah, the odds of my wife dying is one in ten.

Speaker 3 Right, right. And I can't risk that.
Right. Because then I got to, I'm on stage.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean?

Speaker 8 She died.

Speaker 3 Somebody yells.

Speaker 3 I go, I'm in the middle of a setup.

Speaker 1 And you're killing me.

Speaker 3 I'm killing. Yeah.
You know what I mean? And so I'm going to have to finish my set. You've got to finish it.

Speaker 3 You have to. Right.
Thank you. I'm Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 Then you got to go. Right.

Speaker 3 And then, but it's hard to do a set when they're doing CPR.

Speaker 3 Yeah. One, two, right.
You're still crushing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's what the Samoan said. You know what I mean? You're a laugh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Pineapple juice for everybody, whatever the punchline is, right?

Speaker 3 And it's not getting the last and it's weird, right? And then you go back there, and then you have to feign

Speaker 3 sadness.

Speaker 3 Oh, you are, okay, right.

Speaker 3 Because I feel like when you're 51 and your wife's 91, you're pretty much prepared to the death. So when it happens, it's not that shocking.

Speaker 1 You just knew, you just did. You wish it didn't happen at work.
Right. And you would say that to her.

Speaker 3 All right, well, forget the conversation. You would hold her hand.

Speaker 1 You would hold her hand. Yeah, yeah.
And you'd go, that's what you get for trying to steal my moment.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 1 Rotten like that. Rotten helbit.

Speaker 3 Rotten hell bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't get that set back.

Speaker 3 Right.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I was kidding.
What else can I do?

Speaker 3 Before riding horses? You don't ride horses. Oh, you have to.

Speaker 1 I know, but what do you do now that she can't do horses?

Speaker 3 She cannot eat a hundred cupcakes a day, for example.

Speaker 3 Good callback from the last podcast. Very good.
You do callbacks from other podcasts, and I love it.

Speaker 1 I got to tell you. It's a deep cut.

Speaker 1 As one of your best friends,

Speaker 1 from the way it's laid out right now, I don't see this being that big of an issue.

Speaker 3 Okay, that's the final thing.

Speaker 1 I mean it.

Speaker 3 Because you're limited

Speaker 2 sex.

Speaker 3 Old people love to fuck.

Speaker 1 I understand. The highest transmission of STDs in the United States is between the elderly now at old folks' homes because they are all fucking and they don't care.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're ready to go out.

Speaker 1 I think you could have sex with her.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Some people like to eat pizza that's been in the refrigerator for four days.

Speaker 1 I love cold pizza. I don't like it.

Speaker 3 Really?

Speaker 1 You don't like cold ham?

Speaker 3 I don't like anything that's important.

Speaker 1 Like a roast beef sandwich?

Speaker 3 You know, sometimes.

Speaker 1 You don't like an old roast beef sandwich?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't like it.

Speaker 1 You don't like your eggs runny?

Speaker 3 I don't. I don't.
Like, I don't like curdled milk. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Juicy, okay.

Speaker 1 Could you date, could you date at 40 years difference?

Speaker 3 You're 32, right? Are you 32? Yeah.

Speaker 14 So 72-year-old.

Speaker 1 Could you date a 72-year-old dude? That's as close to this relationship as

Speaker 1 you would be closer to this because he's 36, right? Or what does he say? 36. Right, 36, and she's 76.

Speaker 14 It seems awful.

Speaker 3 I was kind of making fun of Bobby, but now that I'm thinking about it, it seems gross. Well, who's at the comedy store that's 72? Argus.

Speaker 3 Would you date Argus Hamilton? No.

Speaker 1 No.

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Speaker 3 Andrew, the worst is going out to those lots in the heat, walking around. Oh, I hate it.
Roaming around. Some guys are like, what are you looking for? Yeah, and I don't like that, man.

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Hell no.

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Speaker 3 let's say you married you fella fell in love with a guy right

Speaker 3 and then

Speaker 3 he he he was he was caught in a fire in his car his car caught in fire so he has like burns on his face like he's he looks like harvey dent right right i don't know who's harvey dental harvey yeah two face of harvey that two face two face by the way you know you know speaking of which jay lenos uh is fine like Okay.

Speaker 3 That's Harvey Diet. Okay.
But that's the

Speaker 3 whole face is like that side. Just the face.

Speaker 10 Yes. Does it have to be the body?

Speaker 1 Yeah, his body suffered burns as well.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. The whole body's in burns, right? The car was on fire.

Speaker 1 It took shoes where it burned.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. His whole thing got burned.
Okay. Right.
And he's handicapped, right?

Speaker 3 I bet you you would leave.

Speaker 10 And we've been in love before.

Speaker 1 You were deeply in love.

Speaker 3 How long? No, you was a stranger. You just met him on children.
Yeah, no.

Speaker 3 How long? How long?

Speaker 1 You were dating for a decade. 10.
You've been married for 10 years. 10 years.
Married or dating for 10 years? Yeah.

Speaker 3 You were in love. He gets in a fire.
He's in a wheelchair.

Speaker 3 He goes, I can't, I can't walk anymore.

Speaker 6 What's the chance of a burnt person dying?

Speaker 3 Let that sink in.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 18 No, stop, stop, stop.

Speaker 3 Let that sink in just for a second.

Speaker 1 Let the room listen to that, right?

Speaker 3 what is the chance of a burning person dying?

Speaker 13 At least let that sink in in your heart.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 10 Because I can stay with him for like two years.

Speaker 1 So you're giving a limit on that, on if somebody has a tragedy. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Wow. Right, so you're saying that if you were in a fire, right?

Speaker 10 I wouldn't want someone to stay with me.

Speaker 1 So what you just want to be left, you want to be alone?

Speaker 10 I want to die.

Speaker 3 Oh, my. Oh, you think life is over after that yeah this guy became a notorious villain yeah famous famous I don't want to be a villain okay you already are

Speaker 1 maybe you'll be in a car accident fire and it'll make you nice again yeah and you won't care about fucking nonsense that's crazy that's crazy you're a crazy person so you would stay yeah you gotta dig the wabi wouldn't stay yes he would

Speaker 3 you wouldn't yes he would

Speaker 1 you know what's so funny this is how much that really makes me sad this is how much you don't know him yeah this is what he absolutely would he is a loyal loyal dude he would stay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 I wouldn't like it. Yeah, but that's a part of life.
Yeah, it would suck. Right? That's a part of life.
And I would like treat her like shit.

Speaker 1 Hey, that's a part of life.

Speaker 3 Right. Right.
Yeah, I wouldn't be around.

Speaker 3 But

Speaker 3 we'd still be together, not divorced. Still be together.
She'd be in a room.

Speaker 13 You'd support her.

Speaker 3 Right. You'd hire.

Speaker 1 You'd hire someone to feed her.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Right.

Speaker 1 And given the opportunity,

Speaker 1 if she accidentally fell down a couple of stairs,

Speaker 1 or slipped down the driveway because it was very very icy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So be it. So be it.
So be it. Right.
So be it.

Speaker 3 So, you know. But I wouldn't leave her.
Okay, I won't leave him then. Okay.
I'll just be away. You'll be away.

Speaker 3 Would you every once in a while say hello?

Speaker 9 Yeah, I'll say hello.

Speaker 3 When? Every Sunday? Yeah. What if he was like, Rudy?

Speaker 8 I'll even clean his butt.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow. Oh, very nice.

Speaker 1 That's very nice. With your mouth?

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow. That's pretty good.
If he was like, Rudy,

Speaker 1 you never come in the room to say hello to me. I was wondering if I could give you some money to maybe just

Speaker 1 play with my penis for a couple of days.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'll do it.

Speaker 3 Really? It's money. It's about money.
It's about money.

Speaker 3 I mean, that penis is going to look like Denny's sausage.

Speaker 3 You're right.

Speaker 1 I mean, you just got to flick it around. You can't flick it around.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 1 Now, you know, Juicy's the opposite. She doesn't have, she has, that's not, for you, you would, you would stay.

Speaker 14 I might be kind of into it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what I got about you. You're like just a

Speaker 3 heart of gold. You're a heart of gold.
You're a hippie at heart.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I was raised by hippies, so I think I'm a hard hypocrite.

Speaker 1 You have that vibe about you. When you say hippie at heart, she's a hippie in real life.

Speaker 3 Yeah, no, no. Yeah, I just want to say it in the middle.

Speaker 14 We might redefine some things. Right.

Speaker 3 Like if his

Speaker 9 penis stopped working, probably.

Speaker 14 You know.

Speaker 3 Do you collect crystal? I mean, I want to see how hippy you are.

Speaker 1 What's your level of crystals?

Speaker 14 I have a lot of crystals.

Speaker 3 Are you being real?

Speaker 14 Yeah, but most of them were given to me by my parents.

Speaker 3 Ah. Yeah.
Oh.

Speaker 3 And then number two.

Speaker 3 Do you

Speaker 3 do the oils, like patchouli and anything? You do oils instead of perfume?

Speaker 14 Yeah, I do like

Speaker 4 what do you call them? Like tinctures?

Speaker 14 Yeah, tinctures.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So do you do all-natural deodorant and stuff like that?

Speaker 14 I do like non-aluminum deodorant, but I don't like read the ingredients.

Speaker 3 All right, yeah.

Speaker 3 Can I ask some more questions?

Speaker 3 Is it

Speaker 3 hairy?

Speaker 14 Sometimes. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's a grizzly?

Speaker 14 I don't have like the same every day.

Speaker 3 Right, but do you ever shave it or no?

Speaker 14 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's not.

Speaker 1 She shaves her legs and stuff.

Speaker 3 Okay, I don't know. Do you shave your armpits?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you wish you didn't have to?

Speaker 14 Yeah, sometimes I think I have the thoughts of like, why am I doing this? Because

Speaker 14 it's like, it's just a thing that humans grow hair, and it feels like to shave your legs is like a thing to make you look like a little girl because that's when you don't have hair when you're pre-puberty, but I still do it because it feels good.

Speaker 3 That's interesting. I never heard of that before.
Do you think that's true?

Speaker 1 I think that's what a woman's perspective of it is.

Speaker 3 But as a man, do you think that?

Speaker 1 Why do I like shaved legs? Yeah. Because I don't like hairy legs.

Speaker 3 That's me too. I don't think that's me too.
That's me too. I think it's just a normal.

Speaker 14 I don't think men or women think about like, oh, I'm looking like a little girl. But I think that's been why it's like attractive to us

Speaker 1 like if if a woman had if a woman had hair if like

Speaker 1 if a woman had hairy legs and was like i refuse to shave but i would but i loved her

Speaker 3 i just i guess you would just get used to it but i don't i i don't love it but yeah i mean but are we conditioned to like that

Speaker 13 or

Speaker 1 Like, are we conditioned to like smooth legs? Yeah. Yeah, because we see hair and we associate that with men because men have very hairy legs.

Speaker 3 So they did that for hundreds of years then.

Speaker 1 You probably did. When did shaving your legs start as a woman? I imagine.

Speaker 1 But then, there's women I know that are girlfriends that say

Speaker 1 they like shaving their legs and feeling smooth and don't want hair.

Speaker 3 Same, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, what does it say? In the 1920s, the new fashion for sleeveless tops and short dresses meant that the legs and armpits of American women were now visible in social situations.

Speaker 1 And advertisers seized the opportunity to encourage women to shave their legs and armpits.

Speaker 3 That's how long it was. It's not even that far.
It's a hundred years. So, before the 1920s, you just had grizzly people women walking around.
Yeah, baby.

Speaker 1 That's insane.

Speaker 3 Like that. It's weird looking to me.
And so that, let me ask you something. I'll be honest.

Speaker 3 Just be honest, though, right?

Speaker 3 You love her. Okay.
You love her. I do, right? I do.
Right? And she's like, come to bed, baby.

Speaker 1 I'm on my way.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you thinking?

Speaker 1 I'm an alcoholic.

Speaker 3 Oh, you'll be an alcoholic? I'm a blackout. I'm a blackout.

Speaker 3 This is your bird victim. Yeah,

Speaker 3 that's our version of a burn victim. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
By the way, that's insane.

Speaker 1 You do know how crazy that is. She's obviously shaved her toes because there's no fucking way.

Speaker 3 Yes, your legs are that hairy, and your feet have no hair on them whatsoever. There's no fucking way.

Speaker 3 I feel like the wokest person here, and I don't feel woke.

Speaker 1 She's pretty. Very pretty.
I don't know. Her personality might fucking suck, but who knows? But she's like into you.

Speaker 3 You're right. I know how to do it.

Speaker 1 And she's like, I don't want to shave my legs. I know how to do it.

Speaker 3 What do you do? It's easy. Huh? I would go all the way.

Speaker 1 Spill a bottle of Nair on her all the time.

Speaker 3 No. Whoa.
No, I go. Whoops, let me wipe that off of her.
You know,

Speaker 3 something that's very important to me is

Speaker 1 not fucking guys.

Speaker 3 No, no, no, no. Let me finish.

Speaker 3 Something very important to me is

Speaker 3 every girlfriend and I have always had, we were a swimming team. What?

Speaker 1 You shave your legs with her.

Speaker 3 And I shave my legs too because we're faster. Yeah, in the water.

Speaker 3 It has nothing to do with visuals, right? I just like winning. All right, I get it.

Speaker 3 So that's a, you know, I mean, a huge thing for the

Speaker 3 sucker her into aerodynamic reasons. I like it.
Right.

Speaker 1 Shave your legs. And then she goes, Well, not my armpits.
I don't need that, right? I can leave those hairy.

Speaker 3 It does affect it. I have a second, you know what I mean? That's still,

Speaker 3 I just prefer everything.

Speaker 1 So you'll go through this painstaking process of you shaving your whole body.

Speaker 3 And learning how to swim, because I don't know how to swim.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know how to swim, right? So it's like I have learned how to swim. Yeah.
I'll get in shape. Yeah.
But I would go through that process to get her to shave her legs. What would you do?

Speaker 1 To get her to shave her legs? Yeah. I would say, I'd like you to shave your legs.

Speaker 1 And she would go, no. And I'd go, this is over.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 3 You loved her and you were going to stay.

Speaker 1 No, I know. What would you do?

Speaker 1 I would go, you know, look, I'm very attracted to you. I love you.

Speaker 3 I love you the rest. I love you.

Speaker 1 And I would like, and I think we should be more open about our preferences of one another.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm sure there's things that I do that you don't really like that much. And I'd like you to be candid with me and tell me what I do that you don't really like.

Speaker 3 But that's what, Andrew, think about this.

Speaker 1 You give them the power first.

Speaker 3 No, you start doing the thing that they don't like right right and then when they say when they say i don't like when you do that i'll stop doing it if you start shaving your legs yeah you'll do it in exchange that's right that's it right that's giving

Speaker 3 exactly right yeah so what is something that she doesn't like she doesn't like

Speaker 1 she goes i don't like when you poop with the door open right and i say well i love it because i like the dog to be able to come in and out of the room right it's one of my favorite things and eventually she goes you know this is like a red flag for me go you know i'll make an exchange right you shave your legs speaking of flags i'll say that yeah yeah i'll put up a i'll speak of flags you'll already have it and i'll throw it right at her legs Right.

Speaker 3 So my swimming and your, I think that's two good

Speaker 3 ways of doing it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Would that be convincing, girls? Do you think that's a good exchange? I'll lose. I'll stop doing something that annoys you, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah. I think that's the good way to do it.
I think that's a good way to do it.

Speaker 1 What do you, do you, do you care? It's interesting. It's like,

Speaker 1 I do understand why it's probably annoying to shave your legs, but do you like having your legs shaved? Does it feel nice?

Speaker 3 I don't really care.

Speaker 13 Shaving is so tiring, so I don't really do it.

Speaker 1 So if it was up to you,

Speaker 3 your leg is hairy right now. Let's look at your leg.

Speaker 10 It's even ashy.

Speaker 1 There's no hair. Well, that's a moisturizing problem.

Speaker 9 It doesn't look like there are any hairs on there.

Speaker 1 There's no hair on your leg.

Speaker 16 I don't really grow hair.

Speaker 3 Okay, but let's.

Speaker 3 Why do you just say that, man? What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Is shaving your armpits annoying?

Speaker 3 Yeah. That's annoying.

Speaker 1 Do you wish you didn't do that?

Speaker 1 But here's what I might say in defense of that. Armpit hair makes your pits smell more.

Speaker 6 That's what I noticed. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you do have hair, it stinks. It fucking stinks.
So that's an advantage.

Speaker 3 Yeah. You would would say that.

Speaker 14 It's just weird in a shower and you're like, I'm getting beautiful.

Speaker 3 It's just so weird when you're a human.

Speaker 1 Well, obviously it's social. You're onto something, Juice.
It's obviously a social construct by a dude to try to

Speaker 1 differentiate these advertising sales, like, this is what a pretty woman looks like. A young, pretty woman looks like this leg.
These are the legs.

Speaker 3 But as a society, we were conditioned to think that way. Before the 1920s, no dude went, hey, can you shave your leg? They never even thought of doing it.

Speaker 1 I'm sure a couple of guys were keen.

Speaker 3 No, I know.

Speaker 1 Really? I'm sure there was a couple of pioneers back then that were like,

Speaker 3 I've asked my wife to...

Speaker 3 Yeah. And they're like, really? She says yes.
But not the vagina, probably.

Speaker 13 No.

Speaker 19 But vaginas don't get that hairy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, they do, but like.

Speaker 1 Look, I've had vaginas over the course of my life that are like not like trimmed up and that

Speaker 3 I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck. But that's also not.

Speaker 3 Also, you can turn it into a game. Right.
Yeah, yeah, man. Where is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like a safari.

Speaker 3 You have like on my safari hair? A little machete.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. There's the cave.

Speaker 3 Wonderment. I think that should be the standard then if we want to if we want to no are there guys there are things that guys that you want guys to do that

Speaker 14 so I like I actually like hairier guys

Speaker 3 so if a guy was like shaving his legs I would be like not into that yeah but I don't have a lot of hair on my body so I would have to get hair We've got to get you some hair.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I would ask you to get it.

Speaker 1 So what would I do? You know, we have extra body hair laying around over at Build-A-Bill.

Speaker 3 Come on over to Build-A-Bill.

Speaker 3 Build-a-Bill.

Speaker 1 We'll get you some white hair.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but yeah, but I'm Asian. There's no...

Speaker 3 Huh? There's no Build-A-Gook?

Speaker 3 That's too hairy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's too hairy. Yeah, that's that.
Yeah, that.

Speaker 1 See, that's great. That guy's got a sweater.

Speaker 3 That's too hairy? I think so. Yeah, I know a dude that's that hairy.

Speaker 9 I have friends like that, too. Yeah, I know people people like that.

Speaker 14 That's not too abnormal, I guess.

Speaker 1 I think that's wild. I'm lucky.
I have no hair. I'm like you.
I'm like a little Asian boy. I have no hair.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's why I do a podcast with you.

Speaker 3 To be honest with you, that's incredible.

Speaker 1 That's so much hair.

Speaker 9 Yeah, that's a lot.

Speaker 3 And they don't like when you shame them. Well, no.
My friend.

Speaker 3 Armenian? I don't know what he is.

Speaker 1 Good guy. Yeah, good guy.

Speaker 3 And one time we were at the spa and I hurt his feelings. What did you say? Well, because you get naked, right at the Korean spa.
It was like two in the morning. He took his clothes off.
I went,

Speaker 3 and he goes,

Speaker 3 he goes, don't do that.

Speaker 3 I go, why?

Speaker 3 Yeah. He's like, I know I'm self-conscious about my hair.
And I had to sit down. I go, you know, I'm so fucking sorry.
Because he was really hurt.

Speaker 2 It sucked.

Speaker 3 But I laughed.

Speaker 3 Because would you have laughed?

Speaker 1 Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 3 If I did that to him? Yeah, you would have probably jumped on a cabinet and did a thing.

Speaker 3 You know me and you know me. Yeah, I know, yeah.
I know. I would have joined in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd have been like, woo, woo, woo, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, good.

Speaker 3 Didn't like it.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 1 It's very self-conscious.

Speaker 3 They do get very self-conscious. And I'm sure.
Well, we all have our things. Yeah, we do.

Speaker 3 We all have our little things. Yeah, what is your thing?

Speaker 1 I think, like, I think I don't like,

Speaker 1 I never, I mean, I never, it doesn't bother me, but red-headed thing is always kind of like a,

Speaker 1 it's an easy, stupid joke that people can make. Like, it's just like a, because I look, it's so obvious that I'm there.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's funny. Like, growing up, when I saw redheaded people, I never thought of that.
But we're always the butt of a joke. Until later in life, people made jokes.
Everybody did.

Speaker 3 And then in my mind, I was like, oh, we should make fun of them then. Yeah.
But it's like not something that I instinctually thought what.

Speaker 1 People are very comfortable making fun of or taking like a dumb shot at a redhead. It's like annoying when adults do it.
Yeah, it's stupid. Like

Speaker 1 a guy will say like

Speaker 1 like they'll use a child term, like a fire crotch term, where it's like,

Speaker 1 it was funny when we were kids. I got why people laughed when we were kids.
But then as an adult, you're like, this is so lame, but it's like, it's such a common...

Speaker 1 It's almost like we're like the last bastion of you can make fun of, and everyone collectively agrees it's okay to make fun of redheads.

Speaker 3 Yeah, those old school ways.

Speaker 1 If I went to a black guy and I was like, oh, and I said something about his hair.

Speaker 3 Oh my God.

Speaker 3 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And everyone communally would be like, you can't do that.
But if a black dude was like, look at this orange-ass motherfucker, everybody would laugh.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've noticed it's like we're the only ones you're allowed to make fun of without someone going, hey, man, that's not okay. Yeah.
To a group, I mean, groups.

Speaker 3 But I feel like that's something, like, you know, years ago when I used to do the road, every show, and I used to count, I would tell openers to check this out.

Speaker 3 Every show afterwards, some white person will come up to me and do an Asian accent.

Speaker 3 And they'll come up to me and go, Micherie, very funny to announce. You know what I mean? Or something like that.
And I had to eat it, right? Yeah, yeah. But that hasn't happened in like 10 years.

Speaker 1 Well, you guys, when you come see us on the road, start doing that.

Speaker 3 Right. We'll be, yeah, in your city.
We're going to be coming. In fact, if you do that, if you have the balls to do that, well, no, they will.

Speaker 1 They absolutely will.

Speaker 3 Okay, this is how.

Speaker 3 Let's give them, let's give them one phrase that they have to say. They have the balls.
You have to be a crazy sentence. Okay.
Right. So, what's crazy?

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? You tell me. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Flat face.

Speaker 3 That's good. Hey, hey, flat face.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Harrow, Harrow, Flatface.

Speaker 3 Right?

Speaker 3 That's a good opener, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, strong. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Little dick, make...

Speaker 3 Harrow, hero, fat face. Little dick, make

Speaker 3 ching chong.

Speaker 3 Little dick, make ching chong.

Speaker 1 Little China. Something about little China.

Speaker 3 Yeah, big chong. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Little face, make ching chong.

Speaker 1 What is that? What's the phrase I'm thinking of? Big Tokyo? Little Tokyo. What is it?

Speaker 13 I think we can wait for it.

Speaker 1 Big Trouble in Little China? Big Trouble, Little China.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's good.

Speaker 13 So here it is.

Speaker 13 Thank you, Pete.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Hey,

Speaker 3 fair phrase.

Speaker 3 What did he say?

Speaker 1 He just Big Trouble, Little China.

Speaker 13 Big Trouble, China.

Speaker 3 Good movie.

Speaker 1 No, no. No? No.

Speaker 1 Say, when I see your...

Speaker 3 Well, you say it.

Speaker 3 I want to hear it from a white person.

Speaker 1 Nope.

Speaker 3 Hey, Franc. Hey, fair phrase, right?

Speaker 3 When I see Ching Chong, I want big trouble in New China. That's right.
So that's a line.

Speaker 3 And I want you to say it with a thick accent.

Speaker 3 And you know what? If you do say it, you get a hug from me. Big hug.
A big hug. A big hug.

Speaker 1 And you get a kiss from me.

Speaker 3 But you have to say it loud so everyone around you can hear it. The whole room.
You can't whisper it. Yeah.
You can go, hey, Mr.

Speaker 1 Frank. You can't do that.
No, you got to yell it as loud as you can.

Speaker 3 You got to go like a

Speaker 17 big or whatever.

Speaker 3 Loud.

Speaker 3 You have to be loud.

Speaker 1 By the way, way, I love how you were like, I love how you just were like, I had to put up with it for years and I hated it.

Speaker 3 Now you want me to do it.

Speaker 1 You miss the racism. Let me say something to you.
Yeah. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for being a bad friend. No, no.
Thank you more. Thank you.
And the holidays are approaching us.

Speaker 1 Oh, I can't wait. And every time we do this show now until the end of the year, I want all of us to end the show by saying one thing that we're thankful for.

Speaker 3 Rudy, go ahead.

Speaker 6 I'm thankful for being in the Bad Friends podcast.

Speaker 1 Okay, I don't believe that, but that's very nice. Very nice.

Speaker 2 Juice?

Speaker 14 I'm thankful for all my friends and family.

Speaker 1 Lovely. Pete?

Speaker 2 I'm thankful for my beautiful children and my wife.

Speaker 3 Gay.

Speaker 3 Why? So gay.

Speaker 1 Why is that? And then, fancy.

Speaker 3 I'm thankful for you guys.

Speaker 3 I'm thankful for my bathroom because of the toilet. It's fancy.
It's got a little mechanism in the side, and it's got 80 options, right? So gyrating, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 What do you call it?

Speaker 3 Duvet, you got it, right?

Speaker 1 Duvet is a bed cover, vive.

Speaker 3 What? Vide?

Speaker 3 Budet.

Speaker 3 It doesn't say it on the thing.

Speaker 3 Can I start over?

Speaker 3 Go ahead.

Speaker 3 So I'm thankful for my bathroom.

Speaker 3 It has a gyrating, 80 options.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think you missed the point point of what I was doing. Well, you were trying to get everyone to say something nice.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1 The toilet is what you're thankful for.

Speaker 1 Everybody in this room thanks this.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but they're basically everybody.

Speaker 3 Oh, they're lying. She's lying.
I'm thankful for putting a bad friend in this place to get fucked. I'm not lying.

Speaker 3 I believe.

Speaker 3 I believe her. I'm thankful for

Speaker 3 my life.

Speaker 3 Damn. Thank you, Lord.

Speaker 3 Wow. What?

Speaker 14 Wow. It's your life or the shitter.

Speaker 3 Do yours.

Speaker 3 Do yours. We get out.

Speaker 13 I am thankful for your friendship.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 1 I think it means a lot to me. You don't really know.
Because when I call you,

Speaker 1 and you know how excited I get when I hear your voice, the moment you say hello, I get a smile on my face.

Speaker 3 And I go, hey, Bob.

Speaker 1 Because I'm thankful.

Speaker 3 Okay, I do wine over.

Speaker 1 I'm thankful thankful for

Speaker 1 if you say the toilet again

Speaker 3 that's what I want to say.

Speaker 3 I'm thinking for you.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.