Korean Elvis & Andrew Dahmer

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. These two idiots.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusted.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Welcome to the spooktacular

Speaker 2 friends. Halloween.

Speaker 2 Halloween.

Speaker 2 You gotta put Asians in the colours. Boodoo.
Boo-woo-woo-hoo-hoo.

Speaker 2 Welcome to Bad Friends Halloween episode.

Speaker 2 Everyone say who they are. Bobby Go.

Speaker 2 I am Jeffrey Dahmers, one of his victims, the Filipino guy he ate.

Speaker 2 No, I'm Elvis Presley. How you doing? This guy over here is my good friend, Elvis Presley.
How you doing? Dad, why don't you eat one of the sandwiches I made for you?

Speaker 2 That's real. That's really good.
What does he say?

Speaker 2 That's just

Speaker 2 some fish I cooked earlier. That's why it smells over there.
It's not because of young black men's bodies rotting in the fridge. Yeah.
It stinks because

Speaker 2 I let some meat go bad.

Speaker 2 So good. I really messed it up this time, huh, Dad? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, Dad, I'm in a real stinker now.

Speaker 2 It's so good.

Speaker 2 It's so good. He would kill someone, and they go,

Speaker 2 I made a real stinker this time, pop.

Speaker 2 I'm in a real conundrum.

Speaker 2 Someone's like, Jeffrey, you severed his head. Yeah.
Jiminy crickets. I never knew it was going to come to this.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm Jeffree D, baby.
And let's throw it to the girls. What's up? What are you supposed to be?

Speaker 3 I'm Mother Teresa. Asian Filipino virgin who likes to also kill people and maybe spank babies.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 everyone's favorite. Asian Filipino nun who loves to kill people and spank babies.
Spank the babies. I remember that.
I've read about that when I was a kid. Yeah, me too.

Speaker 2 And where, and where are you terrified? What part of the world are you from again? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Persia. From Persia.
So you're an Asian Filipino nun who loves to kill people and spank babies. Who's from Persia?

Speaker 2 Quantanimo. Kuantanimo Bay.
Kuantanamo Bay.

Speaker 2 Cuba, Persia.

Speaker 2 I remember the story. And what are you supposed to be?

Speaker 2 I'm a sick dog.

Speaker 2 You're a sick dog.

Speaker 3 Say it again. I'm a sick dog.

Speaker 2 A sick dog.

Speaker 2 What does a sick dog sound like?

Speaker 3 Like this. I don't know.
Dogs can't talk, but I'm.

Speaker 2 No, they go.

Speaker 3 Well, they're.

Speaker 2 Do we.

Speaker 2 That's what they do? Yeah.

Speaker 2 When the cone is because you're sick or because you didn't want you to, because you just got spayed or neutered.

Speaker 3 Yeah, they took my pussy out.

Speaker 2 Do they would Does that happen? Yes,

Speaker 2 they rip their pussy out of those old penises. They rub it.
They rip it right out the vagina out for what purpose why not

Speaker 2 There's still a hole there. This is a digital deeper hole.
It's a deeper hole. That's what they call it

Speaker 2 bigger dicks. Yeah, exactly.
They do it for the bigger dog dicks. Of course.
Like a little, like, a little like a Yorkshire terrier. If she wants to fuck a pit bull, they probably get that operation.

Speaker 3 Oh, I didn't think of it like that.

Speaker 2 You gotta think about that one. Who loves pit bulls? Black people.
Black people. And what do they have? You eat them.
Big dicks. Your character eats them.
Sometimes I eat a couple of black guys.

Speaker 2 It's not my skin. Let me ask you something.
Their skin is beautiful. Now, when I saw that show, is that racism?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, it is. He loves black people.
No, does that?

Speaker 2 We don't interpret it that way, though. I do.

Speaker 2 I know. You love something, you eat it.

Speaker 2 But think of it this way. I love black guys.
I choose to get a bunch of people. Jeffrey, let me ask you a question.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Jeffrey, let let me ask you audience or any question possible okay so so check it out yeah so basically it's in the 90s you did this sure yeah yeah

Speaker 2 did you listen to nirvana or did you like the music or

Speaker 2 yeah i mean in bloom is a great song right so what i'm saying is that never mind okay in the 90s listen to me okay in the 90s in wisconsin what there was like four filipinos dude you ate one filipino that's basically wiping half the fucking filipino fucking population

Speaker 2 point quarter if you do the yeah

Speaker 2 right so how is that not racism

Speaker 2 because i'm i basically am showing praise for how much i love those jungle asians right right but is

Speaker 2 but why didn't you eat whites

Speaker 2 they're not my flavor they don't oh they don't taste good yeah imagine like this what's your least favorite food mine yeah um meatloaf

Speaker 2 white people are meatloaf to me oh that's true and you like Filet mignon. And black people are basically filet mignon.
Right. What about the Filipino guy?

Speaker 2 Well, Filipino, just a little something spicy. Right, right.
A little spicy.

Speaker 2 You need to shake it off.

Speaker 2 You ever had balloot?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that balut. Yeah.
That's basically Filipino guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's great.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I don't think he was racist. I think he was a piece of shit.
Oh, no, that. But I think he really loved black guys.
He was upset. He thought they were beautiful.
Listen. okay.

Speaker 2 He killed him because he was bad head. He bad mind.
He's a legend. He's a Hall of Famer.
He's a pioneer. What? No, he is.
And he's a serial killer. He's Steve Jobs or Jeffrey Dahmer.
Jeffrey Dahmer.

Speaker 2 He's a legend, pioneer. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. And he also is

Speaker 2 somebody that opened the doors for other serial killers, right? Yes, yeah. Now, my point is that I'm giving him props, right? Thank you.
I'm just, right?

Speaker 2 In terms of the serial killer world, if there was like a Hall of Fame, you walked in, you'd go, oh, there's Jeffrey Dahmer's sure in in the Hall of Fame, right? Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 So, but the but the racism, I could accept

Speaker 2 the eating and the cannibalism, okay. The racism, I draw the line there.
He would be canceled today, he'd be canceled today, but maybe just because they don't allow cannibalism anymore.

Speaker 2 No, I don't know. It used to be cool, man.
All right, no, but you know what? How is it racist? It'd be racist if he never ate black people, then he'd be like, I don't like the taste of black people.

Speaker 2 That'd be racist, right? Instead, he was like, They're so beautiful. I want to rub their soft chocolate skin.

Speaker 2 He was obsessed. It could be, you know, I hate them so much.
I got to eat them. No, because

Speaker 2 didn't he do it to whites? Did he eat any whites? Bring up the list of people that Jeffrey Downer eats.

Speaker 2 He had to have eaten a white or two. I know.
And he found out that he did like the taste. But we're talking about Wisconsin.
If we were talking about, you know what I mean, South Central. Milwaukee.

Speaker 2 Well, there's more blacks. Obviously, that.
Milwaukee is worth it. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 At the 90s, there can't be a lot of fucking white. You actually don't know what you're talking about.
Milwaukee is very diverse. It is? Okay, my bad.
My bad. Milwaukee has a very big black community.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Isn't all meat

Speaker 3 tastes the same?

Speaker 2 We're going to hang out today. No, no, no.
Well, that's a specialty. Lamb doesn't taste like deer.
That's a specific game. Deer doesn't taste like fucking.

Speaker 2 Doesn't all human meat taste the same?

Speaker 3 Yeah. No.

Speaker 2 You don't taste the same as me. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm more pure.

Speaker 3 But we're the same inside.

Speaker 2 No, we're not. That's what they tell you in school.
No, it's your. Here's the thing.
The air you breathe, the food you eat, it all affects the meat. That's right.
The stress?

Speaker 2 You seem very stressful, Jules. Okay, look at the list of names.
Zoom in.

Speaker 2 Stephen Hicks, white. Curtis Strauder, could go both ways.
Richard Guerrero, non-white. Mexican.
Jeremy Weinberger. That's my age.
That's white. That's white.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jamie Doxtar, white. Ricky Beeks.

Speaker 2 Jamie Doxta Tater? Dox Tater. Doxa Tater is black.
Dictator. Dox Tater.
White guy. All right.
Ricky Beaks,

Speaker 2 white guy. Oliver Lacey, white guy.
Errol Lindsay. What about Conorak Cynthia Fafon? Okay,

Speaker 2 Smithsonia Fone is definitely Filipino. Yeah, yeah.
Ernest Miller, white. Tony Hughes, maybe could be black.
Joseph Bradyhoft, white guy. Matt Turner.

Speaker 2 We don't know. Yeah, we don't know.
It's too fast. Anthony Sears, again, black.
No, black. David Thomas? Black.
That's white guy. No, Thomas.
Dave Thomas says, Wendy's his owner. He was white.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but the C fucks it up. Yo, I'm David C.

Speaker 2 David Cripp Thomas. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Edward White Smith. W.
Smith is white. You know, when they throw the W in.
No, but it's Edward White Smith. You're right.
Okay. I'll give you that.
I'll give you that. I'll give you that.

Speaker 2 All right, so the dominant amount of these names seem to be white guys. Yeah, but you're just making assumptions.

Speaker 2 So the documentary was racist because they only showed the black murders. I get what you're saying.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Quite frankly, I like men of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Yeah.
I was actually offended the documentary only showed me attacking black people.

Speaker 2 I attacked everybody. Now, if you went to the Serial Killer Hall of Fame, where would you be more excited to go? Ooh, John Wayne Gacy.
That'd be fun.

Speaker 2 The clown makeup.

Speaker 2 Do you think they still have it? Yeah, they probably have it.

Speaker 2 I would look up the brand.

Speaker 2 That's the only clown makeup I'm going to use.

Speaker 2 Right? I'll look at the brand. I go, that's the best brand.
Look at that. Is that Clarol? Look at that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I have that.
His artwork?

Speaker 2 Oh, how much is that painting? Well, how much is a John Wayne? Oh, my God. So excuse me.
How much is a John Wayne Gacy? Yeah, yeah. Honestly, how much? Let's go to August.
Better than George W.

Speaker 2 Bush's in terms of price.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Watch. John Wayne Gacy, expensive.
How much? How much are these paintings worth? Yeah. Look at that one.
Pretty good. How much is it? $1,000.
That's it. I could buy that right now.

Speaker 2 I could buy that now. Let's buy John Wayne Gacy paintings for the studio.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Too scary. But the money doesn't go to him.
He's dead. Yeah.
It goes to his kids, and they need the money. He needs a better art dealer, I think.
He does. Should we deal art for him?

Speaker 2 Are these prints or are these originals? There's no way these are originals. That seems like a print.
Yeah, they're prints. Do you think we can? Original.
Original.

Speaker 2 What if we got into the business of selling serial charter art?

Speaker 2 That'd be cool. Bobby and Anne.
And artifacts, even. Well, yeah.

Speaker 2 I have one of Ed Gein's lampshades and he used the skin. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I would probably charge $100,000 for it. At least.
Dude, this is Ed Geins. He's at Geins.
Yeah. This is lampskin.
Lambskin. Lampskin.
Yeah. Didn't he do that? Yes.
Yeah, take the skin. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And made lampshade. And then when he turned on the light, did he say, I'm going to turn on the light? Or did he say, I'm going to turn on Stephanie?

Speaker 2 Juicy, are you having a hard time with that? It's hollow. With that kennel over your head,

Speaker 2 you can take the kennel off.

Speaker 3 I feel like I'm going to throw it, but I might eat it afterwards.

Speaker 2 Take the kennel off. What did that kennel off? What did that do say? What did that painting say? 10,000.

Speaker 2 Dude, 10,000, dude. That's it.
Let's buy it. That's it.
We got to buy it. Let's buy it.
Does she need help taking this off?

Speaker 2 Let's get some music put to this, her taking off. Great.
Now you're free.

Speaker 2 Put that closer to your face, lower it down so we can see your dog face.

Speaker 2 Oh, and you went to go lick yourself. Oh, that's good.
Scoot it down for her. Hold on.
Oh, yeah. Very good set tonight.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 2 So we just did a bad friends live at the comedy store. We're doing a tour next year.
We're going to announce the dates at some point. Juicy was on it.
Killed it.

Speaker 2 Killed it. Killed it.
Yeah. And where were you, Jules?

Speaker 2 I'll get the mic again. God.

Speaker 3 I was sleeping.

Speaker 2 Sleeping. She's sleeping.
She's sleeping. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, when I'm out of town, you invited her. What? You what? I invited her.
You invited her? You bought her. You bit her?

Speaker 2 I invited her. I invite you here.
It's never going to get old with me with this guy's accent. I invite you here.
You've been here for 25 years. Invite.
Say vite. Vite.
No, not fight. Vite with a V.

Speaker 2 Vite. There it is.
Bite. I invited her.
I invited her. And what did she say when you invited her to the live show? She said, I'll show up to bad friends later.
Wow.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you feel like you're above us now?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I just feel like sleep is more important.

Speaker 2 Then your relationship with your Titos?

Speaker 2 Um, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, so backstage. Wow.
Who was backstage tonight? You, me, Ari Shafir, Ari Manis. Who Kanye does not like.

Speaker 2 Also. So him and me and Ari Manis, you saw.
I saw it. We had it out.

Speaker 2 And we had it out.

Speaker 3 Sancino came in after and we filled him in.

Speaker 2 I heard. Yeah.
Well, you jerked off to his girlfriend. Yeah.
With his penis. With his penis.

Speaker 3 Well, you didn't use his penis, but.

Speaker 2 Well, I saw it, though.

Speaker 3 His penis was in

Speaker 2 the footage. But in a way, you jerked off with his penis to his girlfriend.
In a way, because when you're watching a porn,

Speaker 2 you imagine that's your penis. Yeah.
So I was using, you know what I mean? He was my penis. What did you say to him? I just basically said, it's not right.
And I think I was mean.

Speaker 2 Your comedy career didn't. Yeah.
Yeah, he said that. He said that.
Yeah, he said you were mean. He already came in really sad.
I was really mean. And then when you left, I was a little bit more mean.

Speaker 2 I called him a willow tree. I said, you're a willow tree.
And he goes, what does that mean? I said, I like them, but God, are they fucking miserable?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. You know? I wish I could have came up with that.
But I mean, but he's a lovely human, and we love him. And look, I love him forever.
It's just jealousy. I told him it was jealousy.

Speaker 2 Well, you're jealous that he's a bigger cock than you, and it looks nice. It's a better, it's better all around.
Oh, yeah. I'm just jealous.
That's all. Yeah.
I can admit that as a man, right?

Speaker 2 It's okay. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, have you seen it?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You think yours is better? Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I get it. No, a guy's got a nice pipe.
Yeah, yeah. Guy's got a nice pipe.
It's nice. Yours is pretty good, though.
I got a nice pipe too. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Daddy's got a nice pipe too.

Speaker 2 But this is not about pipe. You've seen my pipe? Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Excellent. And And by the way, for everyone that's coming to the Bad Friends Tour,

Speaker 2 next year? No, no.

Speaker 2 It'll be a dick. Good pipe.
Pretty good. Pretty good.
For my type? For your size. Thank you.
For your shape, really. Okay.

Speaker 2 You know how they teach kids shapes when

Speaker 2 they have to put the octagon thing in the box, the octagon? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 They should also have a Bobby Lee one. They should have like a square, a triangle, a circle, an octagon, a Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 It's like a bowling pin.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. They should throw a Bobby Lee in there.
You're a shape. You're a von.
You're a unique shape.

Speaker 2 I want to hear more about this.

Speaker 2 If you were a shape, what shape would you be?

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 I would be an F-figure eight.

Speaker 2 Ooh, infinity.

Speaker 2 An infinity sign. A infinity sign.
But a vertical infinity sign. Exactly.
What would you be, Jews?

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Really putting me on the spot here.

Speaker 2 That's the whole show.

Speaker 3 I think I would be a heart.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 See, and you did it.

Speaker 2 You knocked it out of the park. You pretended pretended like, I don't know what I'm in.
It's a new heart.

Speaker 3 You knew. I needed time to think.
Yeah, what would you be?

Speaker 2 Can it be a cross? Ooh,

Speaker 2 that's a good shape. That's a shape.
What shape are you? You know what shape I am. I don't know.
Just go ahead and say it. Fire?

Speaker 2 Is that a shape?

Speaker 2 It can be.

Speaker 2 Like that fire emoji? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 I meant more traditional shape.

Speaker 2 It could be a cookie cutter. What could be a cookie cutter? Something out of fire.
It could be a cookie cutter. I'll take it.
Oh, I know what it is. What is it? I was giving you a free joke.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 What is it? Gingerbread man. Yeah, gingerbread man.
Oh, that's a joke? Well, yeah, come on. I mean, you know.
Yeah. What else looks like.
I mean, what am I?

Speaker 3 It's this whole brand.

Speaker 2 It's my whole thing. Come on.
Yeah. I don't see you as a redhead.
I am, though. I know, but I don't see you as one.
What do you see me as?

Speaker 2 A tall. A best friend.
What? A friend, but a tall. A friend? A friend, tall.
Best friend. One of my best friends.
A tall, handsome comic.

Speaker 2 Who's very talented? Come on, what do you make me blush? No, that's what I see you. I don't see the red.
Look, Look, if you were black, I'd probably kill you and eat you right now.

Speaker 2 You had to go there. But you're not.

Speaker 2 I appreciate you saying that. I love you.
By the way, I have a dilemma. Oh.

Speaker 2 So I was.

Speaker 3 Girls?

Speaker 2 It's a girl dilemma. I think you know about it.
What?

Speaker 2 So I was on Hinge. Ooh.

Speaker 2 You asked them on Hinge or they asked you? Is that the girl?

Speaker 2 They like me. The girl likes you and then you get to respond.
That goes, I like you too. Got it.
So I liked this girl.

Speaker 2 And there was a photo. I don't want to get into it, but there was a photo of,

Speaker 2 you know, the story. She's doing something in the photo where I can go, oh, I can Google her.
She's doing something in the photo right? No, I can Google her.

Speaker 2 Like that she has some sort of like fame.

Speaker 2 She's been in the business. She's not in the business.
She has fame.

Speaker 2 But, you know, the first photo was normal. She's a musician.
Something like that. Second one is like.
She's a musician. Right? I put the thing in the photo where I go, she's somebody.

Speaker 2 She's a musician. She put the name in, and there were articles about her stabbing her boyfriend.

Speaker 3 A mug shot.

Speaker 2 Is this the woman that killed her boyfriend recently? I don't know. No, she didn't.
The guy survived. Are you sure? Yeah, because I read all the articles through.

Speaker 2 Is it up to date? Yeah, it's pretty up to date. I think he died.

Speaker 2 But she messaged me. What did she say? I'm down to kill her.
She goes, no,

Speaker 2 she goes, oh my God, I can't believe you're Bobby Lee. Whatever.
You know what I mean? And I'm thinking about why not?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you literally why not. Tell me why.
She stabbed the last guy she was with. I know, but what did he do? I'm not going to do the same thing.
That's true. Right? Right?

Speaker 2 What if she finds new things to stab guys over?

Speaker 2 That's true. Yeah, you could do something else.
I just feel like it's a part of her behavior. Stabby culture? Yeah.
Yeah. And do you want to be under that?

Speaker 2 But don't you think that that's like an extra like excitement in terms of like, will I get stabbed today? No. Oh, no.
Will I get stabbed today? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 When I wake up in the morning,

Speaker 2 the one thing I find relief in the fact that the partner that I have and have lived with is that she won't fucking stab me. That's the number one thing on my mind.
Yeah. You know what?

Speaker 2 She ain't gonna stab me. Oh, is that what it is? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
So let's get you with a girl who definitely will not stab you at all and maybe have another. She's really pretty.

Speaker 2 Give her a try.

Speaker 2 You never know, right? Yeah, you got to give her a try. Right.
And if I hear,

Speaker 2 yeah. Baby.
Baby? What is that? Nothing. Which is an Asian.
Creepy, crawly skeletons. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
But let me tell you something. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Outside of that, your hinge or your dating online has been great. It's been okay.
It's been great. You've been calling me, you're telling me, you know what I noticed?

Speaker 2 What did I say to you when you walked in the comedy store tonight? What did I say? You look like you what? Unloading. You look like you've been unloading.

Speaker 2 You look like you're less tense. You look like you've been having stuff come out of you.
And you look like you're loose and light. You were light on stage tonight.
You were real light. It's gravy.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Oh, your spunk is gravy? It's like thick, chunky gravy. Is it brown?

Speaker 2 Oh, boy. We'd have to get that checked out, I think.
The biscuits kind.

Speaker 2 A biscuit kind? So you have biscuit gravy, you have sausage gravy. Well, you know how like sometimes gravy has the chunks in it, like sausage and stuff? Gravy on my face.
It looks just like that.

Speaker 2 Sausage gravy on my face. It's grain.
And there's a she has a chew on it. What? Yuck.
Yeah, and that's gross. Cream corn.
By the way. Thick.
It's unusually thick.

Speaker 2 That's an honest truth. Creamed corn? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Cream corn. Is that Bobby? Yeah.
That's a Bobby special. Yeah.
A little bit of cream corn. Does that make you gross?

Speaker 3 Well, you're talking about wanting to get more ladies, and then you present this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's also unusual. no, no, she's right, though.

Speaker 2 It is, yeah, because here's the deal: just because it's a comedy show, you could still fish for some poom. Okay, look, can it then ask me again? We'll do it as Elvis.

Speaker 3 That's better already.

Speaker 2 Hey, Elvis,

Speaker 2 Elvis, what do you find?

Speaker 2 Elvis, what kind of girl are you looking for? Love me, tender, yeah, yeah. Hey, how you doing?

Speaker 2 That was really good. That was really good.
Keep doing it. Keep going.

Speaker 2 Do it again. How you doing?

Speaker 2 Well, just saying.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 love me,

Speaker 2 tender,

Speaker 2 love me, do

Speaker 2 bro. You could legit be Asian Elvis.
I'm not, I'm not even, dude. I don't get my hopes up.

Speaker 2 It was one of my dreams. Don't get me

Speaker 2 100% serious right now.

Speaker 2 When we do Bad Friends Live, you have to come out as Asian Elvis. Yeah? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Every show.

Speaker 2 Give me another song. But when you do Love Me Tender, you have to say, Ruby Tender.
Oh, yeah. Let me do it again.
Go ahead, Asian Elvis. Go ahead.
Rub me tender.

Speaker 2 Rub me do.

Speaker 2 It's really good. How is this not

Speaker 2 this is incredible? Give me another song then.

Speaker 2 A jailhouse rock. Sing a little bit.
Just do dancing to the jailhouse rock. Dancing to the jailrock rock.

Speaker 2 Real good. Dancing to the jail rock rock.
I can't help falling in love.

Speaker 2 I can't help

Speaker 2 falling in love. Farring, farring, falling in rock

Speaker 2 with

Speaker 2 you.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 We can't go on together. Oh yeah yeah yeah.
We can't go on together. No.
Hey you're doing down

Speaker 2 to drum.

Speaker 2 Delvis. You're right.
You're right.

Speaker 2 Because if you want to do Asian Downs and Drum Elvis, I am into that. I do love that.

Speaker 2 Well, I could do both. It gives it a different level of like complexity.
I know. But stick to just Asian Elvis.

Speaker 2 All right.

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You know, I used to take vacations.

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Speaker 2 All right. She's singing the song again? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do it with English. Do it English.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Do it again.

Speaker 2 Do it again. Do it again.
Do it again.

Speaker 2 Wait, it's.

Speaker 2 What are we doing, suspicious? Yeah.

Speaker 2 We can't go on.

Speaker 2 We can't go on together. Suspicious minds we can't go on together

Speaker 2 still you still go on yeah you're right yeah you can't go on together yes a suspicious mind

Speaker 2 pretty good i took the down syndrome out this is so good it's so good

Speaker 2 i'm not kidding you think you could have my own movie maybe or live show i'm writing one right now in my head right who would play um the colonel uh the guy from doctor strange yeah oh yeah yeah yeah that'd be perfect oh my god and who would play Priscilla?

Speaker 2 Priscilla. Yeah, who would it be?

Speaker 2 Aquafina. Aquafina! Aquafina! Call her up.
I'll call her up. Do it.
It'd be great. But what's the story?

Speaker 2 Is he from Memphis or is he from Tokyo?

Speaker 2 Do you know this place called Memphis, Japan? Oh, yeah. He's from Memphis, Japan.
Memphis, Japan. Yeah.
That's great. Yeah.
Show him Memphis, Japan. And you're from Memphis, Japan.

Speaker 2 And what's your story? Who found you?

Speaker 3 The Snowman.

Speaker 2 The what? The Snowman. The snowman.
What does that mean? I don't know. Yeah, what does that mean? The colonel.
The colonel. Oh, they call him snowman.
My bad. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Look, Memphis, Japan has a festival, by the way. Oh, that's great.
So check this out.

Speaker 2 You know how they say black Elvis stole music from black people?

Speaker 2 In your version, a black person found you in Memphis, Japan, and brought you back to the United States. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Can my character have a pet Godzilla?

Speaker 2 Would it ruin it? How about this? I fly on Mothra.

Speaker 2 I just feel like it needs to have that. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. We're going to check on some of the other things.
Hey, everybody. Yeah.
Hey, everybody.

Speaker 2 Elbis here. Right?

Speaker 2 Say hi to Mothra, right?

Speaker 2 And Mother's like,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 That'd be cool, right?

Speaker 2 Right now, I get on the boat. Bye-bye.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And I just fly off into something. That'd be a cool ending.
I do think it's a

Speaker 2 good produce it. Let me punch it in the room.
I will. Yeah, yeah.
I will. But honestly, I don't know if we're going to get it financed.
We might have to self-finance this one.

Speaker 2 We got to incorporate Nagasaki and Hiroshima a little bit. Oh, interesting.
Here's the deal.

Speaker 2 You grew up.

Speaker 2 You grew up in one of those places. Right, Nagasaki.
Asian Elvis grew up in Nagasaki. Right.
And you got out.

Speaker 2 It's in the 60s, right? It's the 50s.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well.

Speaker 2 Because Elvis happened. It's born in the 50s, right? 450s.
But the 40s is when it happened. Right.
So it's 10 years after Nagasaki. There's still radiation.

Speaker 2 That's why you can still have mothra in it. You know what happened? Right.
A southern guy was visiting Japan years ago. He was in Nagasaki.
At the time, the bomb goes off. Coincidentally.

Speaker 2 The bomb goes off. He was thrust into your body,

Speaker 2 a regular little Asian man who could sing on the streets, who would sing in Japanese. You boom, hit each other so hard.

Speaker 2 You know how sometimes a guy gets into an accident and he opens up a part of his brain that they never knew he had?

Speaker 2 A southern man, boom, smashes into a little Asian boy who is singing in the streets. Can it be like more like, there's a southern guy there, right? I'm an Asian boy, right?

Speaker 2 That's exactly what I was saying. I know, but what you're saying is that our bodies collide.
Can it be more like

Speaker 2 his ghost goes into my mouth?

Speaker 3 Potato, potato, I feel like.

Speaker 2 Potato potato, I feel like. What are you saying? You're going to fuse two humans together.
Oh, maybe the bomb does that. The bomb.
I just.

Speaker 2 My bad. I have to click on that.
He said the name.

Speaker 3 And then when he comes to, he goes, I'm all shook up.

Speaker 2 I'm all shook up. I'm all a shook up.
I'm all shook up. I'm a ola shookup.

Speaker 2 Why do I have to teach you how to do this? Are you

Speaker 2 teaching me? I know, I just got the roll. I just got the roll.
I'm just figuring it out.

Speaker 2 I'm a ola shook up. And then his legs start scanning.

Speaker 2 And you have no idea.

Speaker 2 But it's just twitching

Speaker 2 radiation. And for some reason, you what? If for some reason, you think that the women are screaming because they have radiation, but they're really screaming because of my face.

Speaker 2 They're like, ah!

Speaker 2 Don't worry. No, no, no, your legs.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay, good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right, and then how do I...

Speaker 2 Right, so how do I rise? By the way. What? How do we mean how do you rise? The same? No, no.
Check it out. Check it out.

Speaker 2 I'm checking it out. So was it Hank Williams? Who was the guy that he opened with in the beginning?

Speaker 3 Oh, I think, yeah, it was Hank Williams.

Speaker 2 Was it Hank Williams? It was some kind of. Wait, maybe it was.
Maybe it was. Hank Williams.
I'm just trying to get you apart, dude.

Speaker 2 That's all I'm trying to do, dude.

Speaker 2 So, I open, do I open up for you? Yeah, but you're Japanese Hank Williams. Oh,

Speaker 2 very good, dude. Give me any of his songs.
Hank Williams. Give me one song that he's sung.
I don't know anything. Very good, dude.
But so, so I open up for you. But that's funny.

Speaker 2 I think you should go always go, oh, oh.

Speaker 2 That's your thing before you say everything. When I come out on stage, and every

Speaker 2 ladies and gentlemen, Hank Williams.

Speaker 2 But you're not Hank. Yo, Hanku.

Speaker 2 Say Hank with a U. Hanku.
Hanku? Ruirium. Ryum.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Ririum.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Hanku, Ryum.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And I go ahead.

Speaker 2 Sergudoruki.

Speaker 2 What are you got a cookie?

Speaker 2 Do you have

Speaker 2 something for me?

Speaker 2 And I come in, I do a duet with you.

Speaker 2 How about this?

Speaker 2 During suspicious minds, I bring you back on stage. Got it? Right? And we do.

Speaker 2 We harmonize?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Harmonize? Suspicion. Yeah.
One, two, three. Wait, what's the line? We can't go on tomorrow.

Speaker 2 One, two, three. Slow it down, though.
Slow it down. One, two, three.
We can't go on a together.

Speaker 2 Hold on, hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. This is so funny, Debbie.
Hold on, hold on. All right.
Wait, oh, wait.

Speaker 2 Wait, let's get the tone right. Where are you at?

Speaker 2 We can

Speaker 2 go

Speaker 2 It's so good.

Speaker 2 You telling me a wreck-in-law is not gonna fucking sign us after this?

Speaker 2 What else did he sing? You're a cheating hog.

Speaker 2 By the way. And then my character can go, hey, you did a cheating hog or you're good to night.
Oh, thanks. Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no, I don't say that. What do I say? Say it again? Yeah.
Oh, Hanko.

Speaker 2 You did cheating mouth.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 that's it. That's it.

Speaker 2 That's it. He just says, oh, yeah, yeah.
We could do shirts.

Speaker 2 Wow, now you're thinking of merch. No, it's merch.
Oh,

Speaker 2 and Americans, everyone will know what that is. Well, because

Speaker 2 it's the most relatable. Yeah.
How do we get these chicks into it? And how do you guys get into it? How do you guys end the show? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Maybe

Speaker 2 did the pointer scissors have anything to do with it? You got to go a little bit further back. Oh, that really? You got it further back.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You guys could be

Speaker 2 Billy Holiday. Oh.
Why don't we do that? Biri Harriday. Bury Fitcher.

Speaker 2 You come on that one. Yeah, Birry Harriday.
Why can't you Biri Harriday?

Speaker 2 Ella Fitzchero. Ella Fitzchero.
Era Fitchero.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Who is Era Fichero?

Speaker 2 By the way, we're both still white guys. They've suddenly become black women.
Yeah, yeah. You're Burry Harriday and you're Eric Fischer.
Yeah, yeah. All right.

Speaker 2 So you guys got to sing cheek to cheek.

Speaker 2 This is the scene where we meet them for the first time. Ah, yeah.
Right? So they have to do their role, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, hey, yeah, Airbury. Sorry.
I'm Aaron. This is Henko.
Oh, right. What's your name?

Speaker 2 I'm... Air for Chero.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Do the accent.
Go thick. Go thick.

Speaker 2 And you? You? I'm Burry Horaday.

Speaker 2 Fury.

Speaker 2 Fury, we love your music. We rub it.
We rub it. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Jules's Jules' version of doing it is just her putting her teeth on her left.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Because she's doing the buck teeth. I get it.
I love it.

Speaker 2 She's doing the buck teeth. Buck teeth is great.
I love it. Look, if this doesn't get picked up by a record label, I don't know what we'll do.
I don't know what we're recording.

Speaker 2 What else have we done to record that could be the movie? Yeah. And then, like, you know, Mothra will be in it.
That's not

Speaker 2 Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy. And it'll be great.
Oh, my God. By the way,

Speaker 2 I wanted to tell you because I wanted to call you after I watched. I watched

Speaker 2 the Vatican, the little girl that gets kidnapped out of the Vatican. What?

Speaker 2 Don't say Vatican and just do that. I don't think so.
God, you have to watch this. There's a little girl that gets kidnapped out of the Vatican.

Speaker 2 There is a story that's on Netflix right now about a little. Have you guys seen it? Carlos, have you seen it?

Speaker 2 Emmanuel Orlandi. Emmanuela Orlandi.
1968. Orlandi.
No, no, she was born. She was kidnapped in 1983

Speaker 2 and she went missing. She walked outside of the walls of the Vatican and she went completely missing.
And it's a whole thing about how it's really inside.

Speaker 2 The Vatican actually had her kidnapped on the outside of the Vatican. Dude.
And what happened? I can't tell you.

Speaker 2 You don't know?

Speaker 2 Did they find her? Did that move, dude? Oh, my God. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Speaker 2 Is that moving? It's moving.

Speaker 2 It's fucking mov.

Speaker 2 Fancy? Is that a trick that you're doing? Muriel. Fancy! That's George.

Speaker 2 Wait, that physical skeleton is George? Yes. Oh.
Wow, okay. Oh, wow.
That makes me feel a little bit better.

Speaker 2 Knowing he's gone. That was really scary, dude.
That actually scared the shit out of me.

Speaker 3 You scream.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You know what we haven't done in a long time? And we should do on the show now? Is tell our ghost stories. Which ones? You got any new ghost stories, by the way? I don't have any new ones.
I got one.

Speaker 2 Dummy. I got a very new ghost story that just happened not too long ago.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
I do that.

Speaker 3 You have to spit on it.

Speaker 2 Why? Well, I love spitting on George. In my mind, you stand on George.

Speaker 2 Wait, in the Philippines, you just spit on ghosts? Yep.

Speaker 3 Like that.

Speaker 2 Oh, and it works? Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Oh, boo, boo. What do they do?

Speaker 2 Boo, boo. Wait a minute.
What do they do? If you see a ghost in the Philippines, you just spit on it? You know,

Speaker 3 to be um

Speaker 3 to be prepared, you just like when you go in a forest, you just spit everywhere.

Speaker 2 So you

Speaker 2 before you go into a fucking forest, you go, are you ready? You have the spit? Wait a minute. Yeah, I got the spit.
You got spits. Are ghosts scared of spit? I don't know.

Speaker 2 That's what my grandma told me. Yeah, they're wrong.
Your grandma was wrong. Yeah.
Wait, do that. Crucifix?

Speaker 2 Crucifix is good. Crucifix is good, right, right.
Holy water. Holy water.
Yeah, those are pretty good. The The Bible, maybe? The Bible.
Spit, and I never heard of that. Spit?

Speaker 2 Did your grandmother chew tobacco? No. No.
You must spit when you go to

Speaker 3 bit, tabit.

Speaker 2 What is that? Ribbit, ribbit? Is that

Speaker 2 communicating with a frog in Filipino? Ribitani. Ribbit, ribbit.
Tabit, tabit. Oh, tabit, tabit means away, away.
And then t.

Speaker 2 Wait, but is that how you do it? Does everybody do it like that? Or do you really spit?

Speaker 3 Some people do, but you can just...

Speaker 2 No, I would chogy. Wouldn't you chogy?

Speaker 2 Pete's looked up. There is literally nothing on the internet that validates what you just said.
Your family is the only one who's. There's only one in your family who does that.

Speaker 2 No, everyone does that in my village. It's not on the internet.

Speaker 2 Because it's a village. Your village is just your family.
No.

Speaker 2 There's no one else in your village. No.
No. Okay, Filipino blood spitting ritual.
You guys are fucking weird. That's weird.
Oh, there's our blood involved? No. That would make sense.

Speaker 2 You have to cut your mouth and then spit blood, that actually makes more sense.

Speaker 2 You just.

Speaker 2 yeah. There is literally nothing on the internet that says anything about spitting at ghosts.
Your family made this up, told the whole village. But it worked!

Speaker 2 What? Nothing happened. Or

Speaker 2 there was no ghost in the first place. It could be valid for her.
It could be valid. Or, yeah,

Speaker 2 you were never attacked by a ghost.

Speaker 2 Okay. All the Filipino ghosts have wet faces.
Is that what it is?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's like dripping with...

Speaker 2 I can't stare at this. They're all whipping and wiping spit with ghosts.
Is that a real thing, really? Yeah. Yeah.
Would you do that to an American ghost? No, I don't think.

Speaker 2 What would you do for an American? Like, a ghost entered your room at my house. What would you do? Yeah, you're sleeping in the middle of the night, Jules.
An American ghost comes in.

Speaker 3 So white?

Speaker 2 No, he has a girl. He's American.
Give me a black ghost. Yeah, American is a vibrant.
He's got his passport with him. You know he's American.
He's a citizen, for somebody. He's here.

Speaker 2 He's not you, that's for sure.

Speaker 2 He's an American citizen, baby.

Speaker 2 So what do you do?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Maybe just pray.

Speaker 2 Pray.

Speaker 2 All right, say the prayer. Pray's a good one.
Go. Easy.
Coming in. Okay.
Here comes the American ghost right now. Do you have a 401k?

Speaker 2 How's your retirement fun?

Speaker 3 Lord, have mercy.

Speaker 2 I love Jesus Christ. You've accepted him as your Lord and Savior.

Speaker 3 I can do

Speaker 3 the liquid.

Speaker 2 The holy. You don't know what it is?

Speaker 2 It's holy water. Holy water.
Are you squirting on me? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, don't you just

Speaker 2 go away? No, I love squirting.

Speaker 2 I'm a cock. Oh!

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, spit on me, bitch.

Speaker 2 Spit on me.

Speaker 2 What would you do?

Speaker 3 If a ghost came in my room?

Speaker 2 Yeah, a ghost is in your room right now. Ready? Juicy.

Speaker 3 Well, I don't believe in ghosts.

Speaker 2 But I'm here, Jet Ski.

Speaker 2 What do you know? What will you do now?

Speaker 3 I'm going to turn on and just like that and turn the volume up really loud.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Is that the guy from Magnum PI?

Speaker 2 I love him.

Speaker 2 Didn't he once do a show about a Korean Elvis that never took off?

Speaker 2 But he was from Memphis, Tokyo, Japan. He did.
He's great. Hey, you're kind of messing up the signal here.

Speaker 2 Anyway, you're pretty chill, Juicy.

Speaker 3 Yep. Still not acknowledging you, but I can't.

Speaker 2 Okay, peace out. Wow, she handled that really well.

Speaker 2 How about you, Fancy? Ooh, Fancy.

Speaker 2 I've come to visit you in the middle of the night. You're not going to understand anything I say, so.

Speaker 2 But look, look. I'm from INS, Fancy.
Look at Fancy's neck. Like, if you didn't see his face.

Speaker 2 It's a fucking woman. It's a woman, yeah.
I thought they did.

Speaker 2 Like, fucking confirmed something. It's so funny.
So, by the way, we haven't even introduced you. Let's get up there.
We have the three witches in studio tonight. Look at these babes.

Speaker 2 And fancy, I got to tell you something. Everyone, take your hat, put it above your face.
Put it just in front of your face so the camera can't see your face. Just leave just your neck.

Speaker 2 Just your neck, Pete.

Speaker 2 Okay, Pete's, let's rank Pete's neck. Let's rank next.

Speaker 2 Pete?

Speaker 2 I got to tell you, Pete's neck. Ross O'Donnell.

Speaker 2 That's Rosie O'Donnell's neck, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah.
All right, move to the the side real fast. Carlos, come block your face and put your, just your neck.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
It's like.

Speaker 2 It's beautiful. It's a beautiful neck.
You know what it looks like? What? Gina Davis. Yes.
Gina Davis.

Speaker 2 Beautiful. All right.
And then Fancy, keep it down in front of your face a little bit more. Dude, that's like.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding when I say that. It's beautiful.
It's stunning. I would fuck the neck.
I would fuck your neck. Fancy, you know whose neck you look like right now? What? Thank you.
The girl, the

Speaker 2 Evan Rachel Wood.

Speaker 2 Cover your fucking face. That's Evan Rachel Wood.
The girl that was in Queen's Gambit. What's her name? Oh, Anna Taylor Joy.
Yes, Anna Taylor Joy. That's what it is.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Cover your fucking face. I don't want to see you.
You guys are giving me PTSD with that phrase. Wait, why? Why? Everybody says cover your face.
Oh, Fancy. That was your parents.
That's not everybody.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's everybody to you.

Speaker 2 Whenever Fancy tries a joke,

Speaker 2 I get it. And I like it, but boy, oh, boys, it done pays for it.
It bombs. It bombs.
It hurts. Because I can hear his brain going,

Speaker 2 say to them, every.

Speaker 2 Right, right.

Speaker 2 He thinks about it before. See, the key is, don't think about it before you say it.
Say it. Look at this show.
Don't question it. Look at this show.
Just say it. Don't think about it.

Speaker 2 And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. You do have a beautiful little neck.
It's a beautiful neck, dad. And

Speaker 2 your hips. Can I just say something also? Because we went to the Philippines together.
Yes. Your hips.

Speaker 2 He's got such cute fat. Your hips are fucking sexy, dude.
The cutest little hips you've ever seen.

Speaker 3 You saw them in the Philippines?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I was like, we were shooting something. From the car.
He saw it from the car. No, when we were, I swear to God, this is not even a fucking joke, dude.

Speaker 2 I was sitting there, you know what I mean? Because we were shooting, and I looked to your right because I always see where you're at, your camera, because he was the director. I was a thing.

Speaker 2 And I looked at your side profile, and you were doing this thing where you were doing a shuffle.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, there was music playing. It was doing a shuffle.
And I just gravitated. There's a show going on.
Yeah. I'm gravitatoring to his hip, and I'm like, wow, that's nice.

Speaker 2 So genuinely. Genuinely, I go, that, you know, his neck and his hips.

Speaker 2 If all the other parts were like, you know what I mean? His neck. Legit.
His hips. His cock and his dick.

Speaker 2 And you got to find another thing for cock, but yeah. Yeah, yeah.
That's nice. My neck.
But it's pretty good. My hips.
My teeth and my dick. He has nice teeth.

Speaker 2 I got to tell you,

Speaker 2 don't smile like that ever again.

Speaker 2 I'm going to lose the audience.

Speaker 2 He's in this.

Speaker 2 You imagine his school pictures. They were like...
No, that's it.

Speaker 2 Stop it.

Speaker 2 In Chicago,

Speaker 2 did you trick-or-treat?

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 Was there any like, because back when I was doing it, you know, we would like,

Speaker 2 you know, you would check for like, would you eat an apple?

Speaker 2 No, and you know, the moment that I would see a house that was giving out apples, we would immediately go to someone's friend's house that we knew, grab eggs, and egg that house.

Speaker 2 Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Immediately. Yeah.
Immediately. The people that give out fruit have meg in your house.
And by the way, kids out there,

Speaker 2 you shouldn't be watching the show. A.
B, if someone gives you fruit or something like that,

Speaker 2 immediately go to the grocery store and egg the fuck out of their house. There was a house by my house.
They gave out money.

Speaker 2 Chinese? No, they were white people.

Speaker 2 Dimes.

Speaker 2 Oh, dimes. Yeah, and I went back like 10 times.
You know what I mean? That was awesome.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a buck.
No, but what did your family give out? So for some reason, I feel like your mom gave out good candy. No, we.
No. No.
We turned the lights off. No one holds.

Speaker 2 No, my parents. No, we would.

Speaker 2 I know. You would pretend to not be.
Stay down, stay down.

Speaker 2 Like it was a steakout? No, like, we didn't want any shadows or anyone to know that we were there. My dad has a gun.
He's like, here, come on, another one.

Speaker 2 Everything was off. Stay down.
I remember he goes, stay down, stay down. Did you trick-or-treat him? We would go and come home and still stay down.
No way. Yeah, and I would bring back candy, right?

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, that's good, that's good. You know what I mean? Eat, but stay quiet.

Speaker 2 Because we have nothing. Really? We have nothing.

Speaker 3 Is that why we don't have Halloween designs?

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, no, we don't do it. That's right.
You don't have any Halloween decorations? You don't decorate? No, not at all.

Speaker 3 I decorate.

Speaker 2 You should. I do.
I borrowed it.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait. First of all, can I just send that we talked today? Yeah.
Right? And then you...

Speaker 2 Zoomed me. I zoomed you.
You FaceTimed me.

Speaker 3 Oh, on accident.

Speaker 2 Did you really? Yeah, yeah. Because how do you FaceTime somebody with your cheek?

Speaker 3 It happens when you're talking on the phone and then some of the stuff.

Speaker 2 It does. I've done it.
It does. Yeah, because the FaceTime symbol is down there.
I've done it. And

Speaker 2 then I FaceTimed her. You answered.
And then you wouldn't show me your house. Why?

Speaker 3 It was in my bedroom.

Speaker 2 So, but I go, let me look at your decor, and she wouldn't do it.

Speaker 3 It's literally my bedroom, and you're like, my boss.

Speaker 2 That's a place that you're not allowed is in her bedroom. That seems like a fair boundary.
It was like cobwebs.

Speaker 3 Like, let me get to 10 episodes and then I'll show you around.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, 10 episodes?

Speaker 2 10 episodes.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 But also, shame on you for not decorating your house. Do you decorate yours? Of course.

Speaker 2 You do not.

Speaker 2 Bet me $1,000.

Speaker 2 I already owe you $1,000. You do owe me a fucking thousand dollars.
Of course I decorate. Why do I owe you $1,000?

Speaker 2 Fancy will pull it up. Yeah.
You lost the Sober October. Yeah, you lost Sober October.
The porn. The no-nut October.
You didn't nut? I told you. I did after you told me.
You did porn, porn, though.

Speaker 2 No, I did not. You haven't since.
No, yes, since, but the bet's over. Okay.
Yeah, you lost. Of course, I did again.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but he still wants to know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the moment that you told me it was done,

Speaker 2 I think I brought a porn on my car. I did it that night.
Yeah, on the car. Yeah, that night, the night we pet.
Oh, I know you did. Yeah, I did it.
I could tell. I could feel it.
And I forgot.

Speaker 2 I was like, oh, fuck. I think I lost.
As you're coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Of course, I decorate my house. You know what? Do you know why? Why?

Speaker 2 Because when I was a kid, and we go trick-or-treating, and you'd go past houses that weren't decorated, and you knew those people in the neighborhood, like I had seen them as a kid, it bummed me out.

Speaker 2 I'm like, what's your deal, dude?

Speaker 2 It's not for me. I decorate for the kids.
Okay, here's what we'll do, Julie. It's for them.
We're not going to do any cobwebs or skeletons, but here's what we'll do. We'll have candy.

Speaker 2 We'll keep the lights on. We'll get fancy candy.

Speaker 2 Bro.

Speaker 2 I'm going to Evelyn.

Speaker 2 But you need to let them... Decorations

Speaker 2 are a lighthouse, a beacon for kids to say, we do have candy. So what you have to do is you have to at least get one thing that says, we are Halloween.
Come to the door.

Speaker 2 Otherwise, they'll not, they won't come.

Speaker 2 They won't come to the door unless there's something there that goes, like, go take this home and put this outside. Take some of this Halloween stuff that we have here and decorate the house.

Speaker 2 What day is it? Sunday? Yeah. Is it Sunday? I'll do it like I have a week.
Today. Today.
Today is Halloween. Oh, today is? Yes.
Let's go to the CVS. Can we go to CVS and get it? Don't ask me.
Ask her.

Speaker 2 Let's go. Yeah.
It's your responsibility. You should really do it.
Let's do it. Yeah.
What about us? Not just me. But do something, bro.
I know. You're right.
I think. For the kids.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're right. For the kids.
You're absolutely.

Speaker 3 You're ever decorated for Halloween.

Speaker 3 In the Philippines, we didn't.

Speaker 2 You got to do it. In the Philippines, don't they kick a dog on Halloween? What do you guys do on Halloween again?

Speaker 2 Do they have Halloween in the Philippines?

Speaker 3 Some rich areas do.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then some, no.

Speaker 2 Because even though they're in some areas are so poor. In the poor areas, they eat the wrappers of can, like you go get rappers and you just eat.

Speaker 3 In the rich areas, they're passing out balut.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Balut. Yeah, Balut eggs.
It's also, when's your birthday?

Speaker 2 Oh! November 9th, right?

Speaker 3 Oh! It's going to be my 21st.

Speaker 2 Oh, let's get her drunk. Let's get you shit-faced.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Can we do that? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 So how drunk have you been in your life?

Speaker 3 Really drunk, like, passed out, like, vomiting.

Speaker 2 I don't want to hear that as one of your parents. I don't want to hear that as a Tito.
No. But if we did, for your 21st, we got you a little little drunk,

Speaker 2 that'd be fine. She can get annihilatedly drunk when she's with us.
I don't want her out in the front. I'll drive you.

Speaker 2 I'll drive you.

Speaker 2 I don't want you driving her. I'm sober.

Speaker 2 You'll be texting. She'll be drunk.
You'll die. You'll both die.
What? Let me drive both of them. Oh, you can drive both of us.
Thank you. For some reason.
Just because

Speaker 2 you'll be looking at her laughing. Yeah, you're right.
So I need you to, you guys can be in the back seat together. You can be laughing at her, and I'll be driving.

Speaker 2 How was Jeselnick?

Speaker 2 Oh, so we want to say that you know, we made we feel like we made Jesse Juicy, and now she's opening for other comedians. I'll tell you what happened to Anthony Jeselnik's show with her.
What?

Speaker 2 Fucking Kanye West went there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Kanye West was at her show, was at Jessel's show.

Speaker 3 The weirdest part about the whole thing is the staff didn't tell us until the next day.

Speaker 2 Wait, so Kanye came to your show?

Speaker 3 Late night Friday.

Speaker 2 Late night Friday. Wherever? Not for Jeselnik.
What town? For me. No, no.
No, for what town? For what town?

Speaker 3 This was in Oxnard.

Speaker 2 In Oxnard. Yeah.
Oxnard. Oxnard.
And he came to the second show, saw it, and then never said hi and left.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we didn't know about it until Saturday.

Speaker 3 The opener, Kelly Ryan, she went up to the sound guy to get a tape, and he goes, yeah, I got your tape. By the way, did you know Kanye was here yesterday?

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 And so she told us, and so we were like, why wouldn't the staff tell us?

Speaker 2 I don't like it when they tell.

Speaker 3 Is this made up?

Speaker 2 Would you rather know or not know? When it's Kanye, I want to know.

Speaker 3 Don't you think they would mention it? No.

Speaker 2 When it's Kanye, I'd want to know. Even like that.

Speaker 2 When it's like a... Sometimes they do it at the comedy store.
They're like, you know who's here? And they mention it. I'm like, who? I don't fucking give a shit.
All right.

Speaker 2 But when it's Kanye, I definitely want to know because I want to go up to him and be like, brother, brother. We have the same views.

Speaker 2 I get Icy, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 But then he went on an interview and talked about how much he liked the show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he went on Lex Friedsman's show and talked about loving Anthony Josenik, and he he mentioned him by name. That's incredible.
It makes me sick. Why? Because Anthony Jeselnik's Jewish.
He is.

Speaker 2 No, he's not. He's not.

Speaker 2 I don't know. No, no, I'm just jealous that he went.
That's awesome.

Speaker 3 But are you? Well, we were kind of like.

Speaker 2 You don't want Kanye to see you?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you know, he's on some controversy is going on. He's being a bad boy right now.
Yeah, okay, that's right. But also, I want him to see me die.
That's true. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 That's a huge name. It's huge.
That's the biggest. Yeah.
Who's like, well, when I remember what happened to me in Miami?

Speaker 2 where I burned the bridge with Gloria Estonia? Oh, yeah, it was cool. Yesterday.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you guys know this story? No, I don't know.
Have we told this on this show? No.

Speaker 2 Tell it. So I was at the Miami Improv.
Don't make fun of me. Okay.
And I was in the green room, and the fucking manager goes, you can't believe it's in the audience. I go, who?

Speaker 2 He goes, Gloria Estefan. I go, I don't know, nothing.

Speaker 2 I don't know who the fuck that, you know what I mean? I love it. It's the Miami Mom Machine.
What's it? The Miami Mom Machine? Miami Mama Machine? What's it called? Miami.

Speaker 2 What? I don't know what what you're talking about. Gloria Estefon, Miami something machines.
Miami. Miami something.
I'm all the Miami Sound Machines.

Speaker 2 I thought you were saying mommies.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I never forgot.

Speaker 2 That's how little I know. He's like,

Speaker 2 Gloria.

Speaker 2 He's like, Gloria. Fucking mess.
He goes, Gloria Estefan, Miami Mama.

Speaker 2 Gloria.

Speaker 2 Gloria Esteban. It's late.
Gloria Estefan, Miami Sound Machines. Yes.
Okay, thank you. Yeah.
Right. And I go, oh, yeah.
Is she big? He's like, she's at the time, like, 15 years ago. Nobody's bigger.

Speaker 2 No one's bigger in Miami. She's massive.
Right.

Speaker 2 So I'm on stage, and I don't know what came over me. I go,

Speaker 2 I thought I was bombing. And I go, hey, ladies and gentlemen, big surprise.
Right. He goes, why? And I go, we have a big celebrity in the audience.
And they put a spotlight onto her.

Speaker 2 And they go, Gloria Edubon.

Speaker 2 And she kind of does this weird wave. And people are like, Edubon, right?

Speaker 2 And then after the set, she just got out of there. Yes.
Yeah. And I think about that moment pretty much once a week for the rest of my life.

Speaker 2 Well, you should, because that's embarrassing. Well,

Speaker 2 did she pay for a ticket? Yeah, she did. It'd be funny if she had a comp.
She was like, I had a comp.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was so bad. It's fine.
It's in the past. Is she the biggest person that's ever been to a show of yours?

Speaker 2 Tarantino, has he seen you otherwise? Yes, Tor, yeah. But

Speaker 2 he wasn't there. Oh, no, I know who.
Francis Forcopola.

Speaker 2 He was in the OR once. But no, I'm saying, who went to go see you? Who's the biggest person ever sconing? Gloria Esteban.
Just to see you. Yeah, that's it.
Gloria Esteban came to see you.

Speaker 2 That's the only celebrity that's come to see me in any show I've ever done. That's wild.
Isn't that wild? You know who loves Gloria Esteban? Gloria Stefan. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Let's say it how we want, you fucking immigrant.

Speaker 2 You know who loves Gloria Esteban? Who? Fancy. Do you really love her? It's a woman.
Love her.

Speaker 2 You love her. 75 million records sold.
Oh, Oh, my God. That's so embarrassing.

Speaker 2 That's more than anybody. That's more than anybody that's ever going to come to your show.
It's so embarrassing. I've never had anybody huge come to my show.
Not one person. Catherine O'Hara.

Speaker 2 That's huge. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would fucking be so excited. I lost my mind.
Do you guys know who that is? No. Yeah.
I'm a massive, massive fan. Oh, my goodness.
She's your generation.

Speaker 2 She's on Schitz Creek. Oh, I know her.
Yeah. But for us, she's a legend.
But for us, she's a legend.

Speaker 3 She's been in lead jackets.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So she was the mom and home alone in Beetlejuice. The reason that I fell in love with her was all was Christopher Guest.
Yeah. Right? Like, that's how I first saw her.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I did a mini role on a Christopher Guest HBO show, and someone at the improv was like, I think Catherine Ahera is here to see you. No.

Speaker 2 She was friends with Chris, and I guess he had said, you ought to see this. This guy is funny.
You know, he's. Wow.
I don't even know. Did you hang out with her at all? Oh, no.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 But I went up. I did my spot.
I went and sat back down by the booth. And

Speaker 2 she had left left after in my getting off stage and left. And I was like, Oh, is she gone? And the guy was like, Yeah, the moment you got off, she left.
And I was like, bumped. I was like,

Speaker 2 that sucks. And he was like, Dude, she was laughing the whole, all of the staff.
He's like, we were all looking at her. She was laughing the whole fucking time.
She was loving it. Wow.

Speaker 2 But I never heard about it at all. It was as if like she talked to Christopher Guest and was like, I'm going to go watch him

Speaker 2 and just enjoy it. And that's it.
I kind of. Well, when I was on Mad, we had Christopher Guest, Eugene Levy, and all those guys do, like, what they would guest star.
star. Unreal.

Speaker 2 So I'd be around it, but they would never talk to me. Well.
I'd be in the same room rehearsing the same lines, but they would never say anything to me. I was always kind of like

Speaker 2 apprehensive. You were still the uh-oh, hot dog guy.

Speaker 2 Don't say it like that, man. Uh-oh, hot dog.

Speaker 2 Don't say it like that. You guys bring up the gif.
No, don't do the

Speaker 2 old hot dog GIF. Just look at the GIF itself.
It circulates through the internet at least five times a day. Do you know how many times I see this GIF? Uh-oh, hot dog.
It's you.

Speaker 2 That's Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 Do you not realize? By the way, you've probably been sent that GIF. Yes, that's your tea testimony.
That's awesome.

Speaker 2 You don't know that that's him.

Speaker 2 God, these young kids are fucking idiots. That's me.
Can I tell you something? I've been looking at your hair the whole pod. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why'd you put on a wig? You have the exact same hair. Yeah, it's a wig.
Like you already have good Elvis hair.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like I hate it because it's so scratchy, too. I know for the whole time I was like, why? You have better hair than Elvis head.
Look at how beautiful. Let it out and let it roll.
Yeah, I will.

Speaker 2 Do this in slow-mo, fancy?

Speaker 2 Let it out and let it roll, baby. Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh. Take your time.
Now let it roll.

Speaker 2 Now let it roll. Give it to me.
We'll do it sexy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Do it more. Do it more so we, yeah, yeah.
More.

Speaker 2 Yeah, more.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like you just gotta pool. Do you just gotta, so put it in front of your face?

Speaker 3 Like, come out of the desk.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, come on from under the desk. Go down.
Put your hair in front of your face and then flip it backwards. All right, ready?

Speaker 2 Don't look at fucking me. Oh, no, why? You're on the scene alone.
You're at the pool.

Speaker 2 Can I give you the fucking scene? Yeah, yeah. So here's the deal.
I don't want to do it again.

Speaker 2 Shut up. I honestly don't want to do it again.
Shut up. Do it one more time.
Here's the deal. Let me give you this.
I really don't want to do it. Can I set the tone? All right, sorry.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 So you're a hot, single, you're a single mother. Okay.
You're a single mother of three. You're recently divorced.
Why do it? Can I be a man? No. All right.
You're a hot, single mother of three.

Speaker 2 You're recently divorced. Okay.
Okay. You got a fuckload of money in the divorce.
Yeah, yeah. He was fucking his secretary.
Typical story.

Speaker 2 I don't think they need to. Let me fucking finish.

Speaker 2 He's been fucking his secretary, right? You're a hot mother, single mother of three now, and you're a babe. You don't find that yourself attractive anymore, but you are.
You really are.

Speaker 2 You've been taking care of yourself a lot. Guess who comes over? Who? Pablo the Pool Boy.
And Pablo the Pool Boy, huh? Played by who? Fancy.

Speaker 2 Pablo the Pool Boy comes on over.

Speaker 2 Pablo the Pool Boy comes over and he's a hot babe, right? Mega babe. And he's wearing a little speedo.
And you get out of the pool and you want to show off to him. Ready? And go.

Speaker 2 You're so so fast.

Speaker 2 I'm going to tell you something much. I didn't even think about it.
I just felt it. I know.
I didn't even think about it. And I'm never going to say this again.
Please.

Speaker 2 Turned on. Turned me on.
Thank you. Actually, turned me on.
Thank you. Thank you.
Actually got my britches a little tight. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just went with it. You're a good fucking person.
Thank you, Penn. I was just like listening, but not.

Speaker 2 And I was feeling it.

Speaker 2 What's a funny thing that got said to you tonight about what did Arish Vir say to you about your television appearances that made us laugh really, really hard?

Speaker 2 Yeah, what did he say something offensive?

Speaker 2 He made fun of one show and complimented the other at the exact same time. He goes,

Speaker 2 and just like that is terrible, but I love you on Reservation Dogs. He goes, and just like that is a very bad show.
Love Reservation Dogs. It was a perfect.

Speaker 2 The way he did it was like, pop, up, it was perfect.

Speaker 2 But let me tell you something. I think they're both great television.

Speaker 2 You're a great little man. Thank you.
I think so. And you always have been.
I'm not the old hot dog. But if you leave me again

Speaker 2 and go to New York to shoot that fucking show and are not here for this,

Speaker 2 we're going to have some trouble. Yeah.
We're going to have a little spanky session. Well, I'll tell you something.

Speaker 2 I have to do three more. Episodes? Yeah.
Fuck off. I do.

Speaker 3 And just like that.

Speaker 2 And just like that, you're leaving again.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But

Speaker 2 here's the thing. I hadn't been home in a month and a half.
Yeah. Right.
So I'm not going to do that again. I honestly, like,

Speaker 2 dude,

Speaker 2 even doing the Seguro shows.

Speaker 2 First of all, can I say something? Yeah, he's a huge star. Tom.
Yeah. Tom Seguro.
Love him. Did you ever think that, though?

Speaker 3 I knew. Interesting.

Speaker 2 You guys didn't. No, it's just like because you see guys like that's really interesting.
No, no, no. No, I'm here's good.

Speaker 2 I love him like a brother. What'd you think when you went to the show? But when you see even like Jesil neck, right? Yeah.
I hang out with Jesil Neck. You know what I mean? We go to dinner, right?

Speaker 2 He'll go, hey, come do my show. We'll hang out, right?

Speaker 2 Good friend, right? But then when I see him sell out San Jose Improv six shows in a row, you're just going to go, oh, yeah. He's famous.
They're famous.

Speaker 2 We don't think that when you're in a stadium, 15,000 seats I open for him, and you're just going, what the fuck? He's huge. It's crazy.

Speaker 2 It's amazing. It's amazing.
And when we go on the road, how much do we do? 100? 250 seats.

Speaker 2 Great.

Speaker 2 I think we'll do 5,000. We're going to do three to fives.
Three to fives. We'll see what happens.
Well, three to fives. Some cities we're going to do much, much less.

Speaker 2 We're doing a run of the deep south, and in Alabama,

Speaker 2 we got a corporate. I shouldn't say this, but I guess I can leak it.
We're doing a corporate. I'm not doing it.
No, no, no. I'm not doing a corporate.
It's not about why.

Speaker 2 Because when you do a corporate show, they go, you can't show your dick. You can't show.

Speaker 2 Do they not say that? You can't show your body parts. You can't say these things.

Speaker 2 And I'm not going to do that. You have to dress like this.
Sometimes they do that. You have to dress like this.
First of all,

Speaker 2 it's a company that we want to be in bed with very bad. What's it? It's the KKK.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I would love to do it.
We're doing the Corbyn. I love to do it.
We're doing the Corporate. Yeah, yeah.
You're in. You're in.

Speaker 2 You're opening and closing.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's three comics. You're two of the white ones.
Have to go. Yeah, you have to.
You can't just have to do it. We have to sandwich white.
Yeah, we sandwich him just so they forget it.

Speaker 2 Forget about him. You go up first, then him, then me, then you again so they get a double dose of white at the end at the end.

Speaker 2 Or one in the case for korean yeah yeah yeah okay it's the ku the coo korean clan

Speaker 2 all right yeah

Speaker 2 if it's the korean clan i mean by the way when we do go down to the south i do want you to go to like where the kkk are and ask if you can get in really see if i would love to do it see if you can get in yeah i think they would let me in what's their process i don't know it's more your thing but i'd like

Speaker 2 my thing well is there oh you're white you would know more i've never been they never let me but is there a door that i knock on or do i just walk in i don't

Speaker 2 Knock, knock, knock. I feel like those people don't have one.
Knock, knock, knock. Knock, knock, knock.

Speaker 2 Hey, oh, hey, man. Hey, oh, hey, man.
Hey, man. Hey, what's going on? What's up? Hey, did somebody order Chinese food? Oh, no, that was a funny joke, man.
I don't think anybody ordered Chinese.

Speaker 2 No, no, I'm not here to join the club. Okay, KK.

Speaker 2 Can I join? Did somebody have their dry cleaned and done? No, hey, check it out, bro. Check it out.
Who needs a robe wash?

Speaker 2 I hate Asians.

Speaker 2 Me too? Go on.

Speaker 2 They're so young. They're sneaky.
Tell me about it. It's brighter than the sun, these people.
I know. Aren't they not? Are they not brighter than the sun? You don't like them.

Speaker 2 I don't like them either, man. I don't like them either, man.
You know what they do? They put the MS. MSG.
Don't you hate them? Gives you a headache. Headache.
Gets you a headache. Wake up.

Speaker 2 All puffy, right?

Speaker 2 They're pouring. So aggressive.
So gross. Right?

Speaker 2 Right? And the girl's crying. I don't like it.
Why is the Japanese girl crying? Help her, help her, help her. I don't like her.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 I want to put a stop to that. So, you want to be in the KK? Yeah.
Fuck karate. Uh-huh.
Fuck kung fu.

Speaker 2 Fuck, Taekwondo. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, whoa. The gun.
We trained jiu-jitsu in this house. Oh, I'm sorry.
Jiu-Jitsu's crying because it's Brazilian.

Speaker 2 Brazilian's Jiu-Jitsu? We're fine. That's legit.
Brazilians, we're fine. Brazilians, we're legit with.
You know, that's where Hitler hid out for a while. I know.
Argentina, whatever. Brazil.

Speaker 2 Same, same, same, same. Same, same thing, same, same thing, right?

Speaker 2 I don't like it. You know what I also don't like? I don't like it.
Check it out. Right? Yeah.
And Crazy Rich

Speaker 2 Squid Games.

Speaker 2 Yeah, go on. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hate it. We love that series.

Speaker 2 Well, let me tell you why. Yeah, why? They all died.
That is great. That's why we like it.
That's great. That's why we like it.
And you know what? We'll find the one guy that survived.

Speaker 2 We'll find him and kill him. I'll be the guy.
And by the way, Crazy Rich Asians. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We also enjoyed that movie very much. Why, why? Michelle Yeo was very talented.
Yeah, Yeah, she's very talented. To be honest with you, some of the directorial choices were very wonderful.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. I will compliment the DP, and I'll say so.
Some of those shots were fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I saw some racking shots that I was impressive by, but when they would pull focus

Speaker 2 on some of those scenes, it was better than I thought. Yeah.
Anyway, let me ask you something.

Speaker 2 I'm Bobby. I'm a comedian, too.
Bobby? Yeah, yeah. Bobby Ray.
You can call me that. That's your name.
I'll change it. Bobby Ray? You're a comic.
I'm a comedian. Tell me a joke, funny man.

Speaker 2 What did the Koreans say to the other Korean?

Speaker 2 Go on. Let's kill ourselves together.

Speaker 2 Murder suicide. Murder suicide.
Funny, right? I love it. When Asians do murder suicide, hilarious.
Absolutely hilarious. That joke went flat.
I haven't tried it yet. Try again.

Speaker 2 Please don't make me try another

Speaker 2 joke.

Speaker 2 You want to get in? Yeah, yeah. Tell me another joke.

Speaker 2 A black, a Korean, and a Jew. My nightmare.
Right.

Speaker 2 That's your nightmare, right? Yeah, oh, yeah. It's scary, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They walk into a bar. Where? What part of town? In Germany.
In the 1940s.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit, dog.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 the fucking barter goes, Werkem.

Speaker 2 That's my German accent.

Speaker 2 Okay, sounds good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm not an impressionist.
I can tell. And I can't tell you.

Speaker 2 You said you were a comedian, right?

Speaker 2 You know what I can't do? Uh-oh, hot dog.

Speaker 2 I'm the old hot dog.

Speaker 2 I'm uh-oh. You're the old hot dog.
You're the hot dog. Yeah.
I didn't land. It's all the hot dog.

Speaker 2 It's a meme.

Speaker 2 It's a fuck. I'm pretty good, right? Wait, the hot dog and do this? Do it for me now.
Uh-oh, hot dog.

Speaker 2 Shit! Get me in. What do you want? Can I join? To the KKK? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right, man.
I'll do whatever job. Okay, KK, you're in.
And you only have to do one thing. What do I need to do, man?

Speaker 2 Give me a big kiss.

Speaker 2 We're not gay. Okay.

Speaker 2 You gotta give me a big kiss. Tongue?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 When you do it, you gotta say, Daddy, daddy, you're my daddy.

Speaker 2 Daddy, daddy, you're my daddy. Let's say it like a little Asian boy.

Speaker 2 Again.

Speaker 2 I have a script I want to put you. What is it?

Speaker 2 Asian Elvis.

Speaker 2 Are you combining two mothers?

Speaker 2 There's a roll of Hank who

Speaker 2 there's a rule of you let me play Hank Williams in a very popular classic yeah Asian Elvis from Memphis Tokyo

Speaker 2 Japan

Speaker 2 you've always wanted to fly a mothra please yeah

Speaker 2 thank you for being a bad friend that's very good

Speaker 2 that's a small, that's a small.

Speaker 2 This is a medium, coronavirus, finding a hidden.

Speaker 2 There we go.

Speaker 2 That's a large.

Speaker 2 And this is

Speaker 2 the 3XL hoodie.

Speaker 2 Hey, thank you guys for being the best friend.