The Producers' Biggest Mistake

Speaker 1 Hey, bad friends. I am going to be performing on New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve, the 30th and the 31st at the Wilbur Theater in Boston, Massachusetts.
Boston, come out and see me.

Speaker 1 If you're in the area, come see me. If you got plans on New Year's Eve, come out New Year's Eve Eve, 30th and 31st, AndrewSantino.com to get the tickets.

Speaker 1 Boston, I can't wait to celebrate New Year's Eve and Eve Eve with you, andrewSantino.com. Hey, you guys, obviously, we have merch.
We got merch. It's back.
And these shirts have sold out, and we...

Speaker 1 Made some more. We made some some more shirts for you guys.
We restocked these favorite shirts. This is me and Bobby close talking.
We've talked about this before.

Speaker 1 That's me and Bobby just talking real close. That's how it says coffee mugs.
That's how it says the mugs, baby. You guys liked them.
We sold out. We made a couple of more for you guys.

Speaker 1 So you just go to badfriendsmerch.com or look down in the description below. We'll have the link to the shirts.
So go pick up some new merch at badfriendsmerch.com. You two are bad friends.

Speaker 1 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 All rise. Okay.

Speaker 3 The bad friends court is now in session. Honorable Judge Bobby Lee and Honorable Judge Andrew Santino presiding.

Speaker 1 Please be seated.

Speaker 1 Be seated.

Speaker 1 Be seated. I'm not Judge Ito.
Judge Lee. Judge Lee Ito.
Judge Lee Ito. And he's...

Speaker 1 Andrew George Washington? Andrew George Washington.

Speaker 1 Please be seated. Interesting.
Interesting. I'm just getting the care.
Interesting. Very good to be here.

Speaker 1 Welcome to

Speaker 1 this court case.

Speaker 1 I'm very excited, and I'm going to do my due diligence and my

Speaker 4 oath

Speaker 1 to the office.

Speaker 1 And I am going to really speculate and analyze, and I'm going to contemplate all the ideas and the weight of it all.

Speaker 1 Really good to be here. I'm Judge Ito.
What is your name? Judge George Washington. I have wooden teeth.

Speaker 1 That's all I know.

Speaker 1 I don't know what he does, what he sounds like.

Speaker 1 Keep going.

Speaker 1 Wonderful to be here,

Speaker 1 judging and presiding amongst this case.

Speaker 1 Let's bring the defendant. What is Ellen DeGeneres doing?

Speaker 2 Whoa, I didn't know we're doing voices.

Speaker 1 She's the attorney

Speaker 1 for the man on trial, Carlos Herrera. Please approach.
Interesting. Very good.

Speaker 1 Is that a bomb?

Speaker 1 A bulletproof vest in case

Speaker 1 somebody decides to rata-tat-ta-tat-ta-da.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is going on here? What is

Speaker 1 may I see the paperwork? I have no idea. Put your hands on the Bible.

Speaker 1 Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth, all of the truth, and nothing but the truth? So help you, God. I do.
Are you Catholic? Yes. God bless.

Speaker 1 Are you sure you're Catholic? Yes, I'm Catholic. From your hairline, it looks

Speaker 1 Jewish. I didn't say that.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Did I say that? Yeah. The hairline seems.

Speaker 1 Do you have anything to say for yourself prior to starting? Any words for the judges?

Speaker 4 Just that you guys take empathy on me and

Speaker 1 go lightly on me.

Speaker 1 Death penalty. Next.

Speaker 2 Objection.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 We're in California. I think you're going to have to see.

Speaker 2 I don't think you can do a death penalty.

Speaker 1 This lawyer is good.

Speaker 1 Thank you. This lawyer is good.

Speaker 1 She's good.

Speaker 1 Education.

Speaker 2 Scottsdale Community.

Speaker 1 She's Scottsdale. She's

Speaker 1 SCC, right?

Speaker 2 SCC College. Fighting artichokes.

Speaker 1 Fighting artichokes.

Speaker 1 Okay, Mr. Generous.
Mr. Generous,

Speaker 1 your client is accused of mouth fucking Bobby's ex.

Speaker 1 How do you plead? Please.

Speaker 1 How do you plead?

Speaker 4 Not guilty.

Speaker 1 Well, interesting, because we have

Speaker 1 footage, video proof

Speaker 1 of your Jewy lips.

Speaker 1 It doesn't seem.

Speaker 2 Can the court define

Speaker 1 your greasy jewelry lips?

Speaker 4 Can you handle jewelry lips for me?

Speaker 2 Can I handle it? Yeah, I mean, I mean, I'm okay with it.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying it, but I can handle hearing it.

Speaker 1 What is your defense?

Speaker 2 My defense is if I think the case is that

Speaker 1 Carlos is guilty and messing around with Kalila.

Speaker 1 I thought you were my lawyer.

Speaker 1 Am I high right now? No. Excuse me.

Speaker 1 Are you the prosecutor or the defense attorney?

Speaker 2 I'm defending my client and saying he's not guilty in that

Speaker 2 he can mouth fuck whoever he wants.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 interesting. Oh, I like that.

Speaker 1 I like that.

Speaker 1 That's like James Bond, but for mouth fucking.

Speaker 1 He has a license to kill, but licensed to mouth fuck. Yeah.
Interesting. Double OC.
May I see that certificate?

Speaker 2 My certificate for the colours.

Speaker 1 Well, he has a license to mouth fuck anybody, correct?

Speaker 1 Mr. DeGeneres.

Speaker 2 That's the case.

Speaker 1 Mr. Generous, please show us

Speaker 1 the license.

Speaker 2 i would like to get that license today in court well

Speaker 1 we've registered we've registered she's filing for a license i'm filing for a license interesting file denied denied

Speaker 1 because that should be because you know it's been a year that he has been you know i mean

Speaker 1 you knew this court date was gonna happen to you and today is the day you file i found out about this an hour ago wonderful wow

Speaker 1 what an attorney what an attorney when did you graduate 2008. Oh, high school or college?

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I'm unprepared.
Elementary school.

Speaker 1 What's in the briefcase? What is in your house? Oh, she's bringing out the good stuff.

Speaker 1 Some documents should help her now.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 2 And my briefcase is nothing like the basis of this case.

Speaker 1 Empty. Hollow.

Speaker 1 Order. This is a waste of time.
Order. Order.
Thank you. Order.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 1 Interesting.

Speaker 1 So that's your opening statement.

Speaker 2 And that Carlos should be able to mouse fuck whoever he wants.

Speaker 5 So, no, we have here evidence against the actual Carlos.

Speaker 1 Do we have a prosecutor, though? Yeah. Who's that? We are the prosecutor.

Speaker 5 So, we

Speaker 5 brought Carlos into the bathroom.

Speaker 1 Hold on, one second.

Speaker 1 We couldn't find an American. I have no idea why we didn't.
Why do we want to go? It's bad. It's really bad.
But look, we'll deport him when this is over. I know, but

Speaker 1 there's an actual American that's the other prosecutor.

Speaker 1 Can he be the one?

Speaker 4 Does he even know American laws?

Speaker 1 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, order! Order! Order you, order! Fucking greasy.

Speaker 2 I will control my client.

Speaker 1 I apologize. Thank you.

Speaker 1 The problem with the other guy is he doesn't speak English well. It's bad.

Speaker 1 The fat one? Listen to what he says. Listen to him for a second.

Speaker 3 I don't do English good.

Speaker 4 See? Oh, I see.

Speaker 1 It's just tough to listen to.

Speaker 1 Go on, fancy boy.

Speaker 5 Well, I'm very disappointed in Carlos because we brought him

Speaker 5 into the bad friend's family

Speaker 5 and he stole Bobby's girlfriend from him. And that's the reason they broke up.
And we have hard evidence that that's the case. And I want to present Exhibit A to the court right now.

Speaker 1 But we'd love to see it. And this started

Speaker 5 a year ago.

Speaker 3 This is November 16th, 2021.

Speaker 1 Screen's not on, so I don't know if we're going to show it, but

Speaker 1 man, this prosecution is slacking real bad. I said the prosecution is the team behind this podcast.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 I really, I believe that fully. The TV was off.
Nothing's on. Maybe the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go. Here we go.
Okay, let's see the evidence that you've brought into the court. Jesus.
So just based on,

Speaker 1 well, I don't know, I'm not familiar with this podcast, but we have to the left of there, it seems like a foreigner.

Speaker 1 In the white, it seems like an OnlyFans

Speaker 1 performer. Correct.
Is that a little girl?

Speaker 1 A child on the girl. But to the left is a little girl.
Yeah, a child. A child.

Speaker 1 The middle one is a.

Speaker 1 Only fans. OnlyFans.
And then we have a foreigner on top of what's that on the ground?

Speaker 1 That's not me.

Speaker 1 Quick to jump. Well, prosecutor, who's the person

Speaker 1 on his back?

Speaker 5 So, Kalala is on on top of Carlos.

Speaker 1 How do we know that's Carlos?

Speaker 1 I mean, I honestly, I really wouldn't be able to identify. How do we have proof that that's Carlos?

Speaker 5 Well, let me go to Exhibit V then.

Speaker 2 I'd like to motion to throw that out of court.

Speaker 1 Well, it's thrown us out

Speaker 1 because we have no idea. Admissible.
We really fucked up with this.

Speaker 1 They might lose.

Speaker 1 We might lose. Well, a month later.

Speaker 4 Oh, here we go.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Oh, okay.
This happened in Hawaii.

Speaker 3 December 21st, 2021.

Speaker 1 Got it.

Speaker 1 What's happening here? It seems as if there's a fan taking a picture with Kalila.

Speaker 5 That's Carlos.

Speaker 1 You know what? I do identify the.

Speaker 1 I know the hat is deceiving. But if you look at

Speaker 1 that little strap at the hat? Got it. And above that region? Yeah.
Literally no hair. I see that now.
Yeah, that's incredible. So is that you, Mr.
Herrera?

Speaker 4 I'll have my lawyer answered for me.

Speaker 2 You're not cross-examining my witness right now.

Speaker 1 We're not cross-examining. We're just asking you as a lawyer.

Speaker 2 Okay, I was asking if you were cross-examining.

Speaker 1 I was just making sure. First of all, we're the judge.
We can fucking do anything we want.

Speaker 2 Yes, Your Honor's.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 all due respect, you may have to say that. Mr.
Generis. Okay, thank you.
Mr. Generous,

Speaker 1 Mr. Herrera, is that you in this photo?

Speaker 4 I don't recall the year after COVID. If that's 2021, we'll have to.
I need a doctor to come up with.

Speaker 1 Based on the photograph that you see, is that you?

Speaker 1 Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 Very good. By the way, you could have still stuck with don't recall.

Speaker 1 You bailed. Excuse me.
Sorry, but he bailed.

Speaker 1 So that is you, sir. And that woman to your right is whom?

Speaker 4 To my right.

Speaker 4 That's a camera to my right.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know what the attitude. The attitude is.

Speaker 1 Take a second. Also, what he doesn't realize is.

Speaker 4 it's my right in the picture.

Speaker 1 In your picture, you're right.

Speaker 1 Physically your right. Who is on your physical right there?

Speaker 4 That looks like a Hawaiian girl. That looks like Santa Claus.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I know I'm the judge and I'm impartial, but that is Kalila because I dated her for 10 years.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 I thought that was Santos. That's not Santa Claus.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What is Kalila Claus seem to be doing with her left hand?

Speaker 4 I believe she is helping that guy in the green shirt pull up his pants.

Speaker 1 Ew. Pull up his pants?

Speaker 4 Yeah. She's just doing it from a different angle.

Speaker 1 Well, it's interesting because the pants obviously look like they're already on. They're already on.

Speaker 4 I would like to say that we can't see if there's a belt on or not.

Speaker 1 Order. Order.
I've been a judge for 47 years.

Speaker 1 Never in my life have I seen such erroneous miscommunication of misinformation. This woman is cupping your penis.
Yes or no, sir?

Speaker 4 No, sir. I respect the court.
I'm not trying to get order.

Speaker 1 It's a yes or no answer. No.

Speaker 1 objection, Your Honor. Go ahead, Ellen.

Speaker 2 I would like to say that it is clear that my client here has, as he said, had suffered some memory damage due to COVID. And it is very clear that

Speaker 2 she is touching him in this picture. He doesn't even seem to be aware.

Speaker 2 If we maybe saw a little bit after this photo and how he reacted, it seems like he has suffered some sexual assault abuse and suffered memory damage.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 I mean, I can accept that argument. I gotta be a bitch.
Because

Speaker 1 look at they're doing a really great job. Great job.
And look at it, right? Thank you. He doesn't think she touches.
No, because that's right there on impact. Yeah, on impact.
Right?

Speaker 1 So we don't know the reaction after that. He could have been like, whoa,

Speaker 1 exactly.

Speaker 1 So I'm suing her. We've got to get rid of this brother.
You guys are doing a really terrible evidence. As far as right now goes, he's innocent.
He's innocent at this point.

Speaker 1 At this point, I've seen nothing. Nothing.

Speaker 5 Okay, I'll bring Eximen. See? Eximency.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, that's definitely not our case. That's not Carlos.

Speaker 1 That's not the gentleman.

Speaker 1 That guy has got a full hair in hand.

Speaker 1 That's one of the Beatles.

Speaker 1 That is George Harrison. That's George Harrison.
And that's Yoko. Correct.
Yeah, so if John Lennon's here, right? And if John Lennon was here and he was accusing George Harrison of, you know. Fine.

Speaker 1 Fine. But now.
But they're both dead. Prosecution, whom is this photo claiming to be?

Speaker 5 This is Kalila and Carlos on a live stream show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. I've dated Kalila for 10 years.
That is not her. That's her.
That is definitely Yoko. No.
That is Yoko. That's definitely Joe Hoho.
That is your comparison.

Speaker 1 Any more evidence to present to us? Evidence. For us to shoot it out of the sky? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Oh, no.
Okay. Oh, my God.
All right.

Speaker 1 Is that a video or a photo?

Speaker 5 This is all photograph evidence.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately, we do agree that that is Carlos. Could be.

Speaker 1 Perhaps. Who the fuck is on the bottom? We have no idea.
No idea.

Speaker 5 Well, can I call a witness?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Well, who's the witness?

Speaker 5 The judge

Speaker 5 George Washington.

Speaker 1 He is there. Oh, George Washington.
I didn't realize. George Washington, you are in the photo.
Interesting. So, yes, you meet him.
That is not you? That's my brother. That's your brother?

Speaker 1 Yes, that's my brother, Tim Washington.

Speaker 1 That's Tim Washington. Yeah, that is Tim Washington.
I can speak on behalf of my brother.

Speaker 1 He looks disgusted. He is disgusted.
Okay, correct. He is disgusted by the behavior.

Speaker 1 Zoom down. This is, I'm going to help the prosecution.
Zoom in on the tattoo on the person on the ground's leg, ankle.

Speaker 1 Does that look familiar, Judgito, Lee? It does. But.
Whom has a tattoo similar to that? My ex-girlfriend, Kalila. You guys are doing.
I'm doing all the fucking work for you guys.

Speaker 1 This is the shit you should be doing. I know.
God damn it.

Speaker 5 That's why I'm bringing you in.

Speaker 1 I know you're back. He's the judge.
He's the judge, you cocksucker.

Speaker 1 Okay, wait, wait. Judgito.
Judgito, Lee.

Speaker 1 What we see here is Carlos, perhaps, perhaps, on a woman that might have a tattoo similar to your ex. Yes.
Do we know that that's her?

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, it's, you know, it is possible that somebody would also have that tattoo. Easily.
Easily. What does the tattoo say? It says

Speaker 1 Carlos in the Philippines.

Speaker 1 In the Philippine language, which is interesting. Do you have anything to say for this attorney? Objection? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would like to ask the date of this photo, please.

Speaker 6 The date. This is.
The date of this photo is.

Speaker 1 By the way, if these fucking morons just did a video, it would have proved

Speaker 1 bad still shots.

Speaker 3 August 30th, 2022.

Speaker 1 They took bad still photos. It's the worst evidence.
This genuinely would be thrown out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd be mistrial. You fuckers, what's your last photo that you guys had?

Speaker 4 It better be good.

Speaker 1 Better be fucking. This better be the one.
This better be the sinking stone. That's pretty good.
Oh, that's a pretty good one. That one's really.
That's damning. Pretty damning.

Speaker 1 Pretty damning. Yeah, that seems damning.
That one's pretty damn good. Guilty.
10 years of prison. I mean, guilty.
I mean,

Speaker 1 yeah. I mean, defense, go ahead.

Speaker 2 May I ask the date of the breakup?

Speaker 1 She loves dates.

Speaker 1 Jugito Lee, do you remember? What's the date now? October

Speaker 1 October 11th, Jargito. I would say July 1st.

Speaker 2 July. So this was at least, I mean, August 30th.
This was maybe even two months after the breakup.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Two months after the breakup. Yes.
This is August 30th. Wow.
Exactly. Interesting.

Speaker 1 October 4th, 2020. But that's not what he's...
October 4th. He's not on trial for cheating on me.
But that's a mouse. He's a fuck.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up. Hit the gavel.
Hit the gavel out. Don't do it.

Speaker 1 He's on trial for kissing my girlfriend even after I broke up with her, even though him and I are supposed to be bros. Bros don't do that.
Bros don't do that. Yeah, bros go, you know,

Speaker 1 I have respect for you. We've been knowing each other for all this time.
You know, I am going to respect the fact that I'm not going to kiss your girlfriend. What he did there is

Speaker 2 objection, ex-girlfriend.

Speaker 1 My ex-girlfriend. What he did there was:

Speaker 1 you've asked any guy that we know in comedy or not, that is a no-no, and that's a red flag. No, no.
And that is a friendship destroyer, right?

Speaker 1 Is it not? No, but this guy piping up with no-no is just, it doesn't, just click on the shit. Shut the fuck up.
You're fired by the way.

Speaker 1 You're fucking fired. We got the trial.

Speaker 2 I would like to bring some evidence forward.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'd like this if I may. Leave that photo up, please.
Leave it up. That's important for the court to see.
So

Speaker 2 we are hearing that bros do not cheat on

Speaker 1 each other.

Speaker 2 Right. I would like to bring up some evidence of

Speaker 1 bombing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Having

Speaker 2 some

Speaker 2 romantic times with people that aren't Kalila.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 If we could show the first evidence, please.

Speaker 2 And I mean, that is a lot more than anything we've seen today.

Speaker 1 Jargito Lee, whom is this with you? Joe Coy.

Speaker 1 Correct.

Speaker 4 Yeah. A man.

Speaker 1 A man.

Speaker 1 Yep. It doesn't matter.
Jargito.

Speaker 1 The question would be this. It doesn't matter, man, woman.
It doesn't matter. Jargito.
This would matter if

Speaker 1 Carlos was fucking Joe Coy, Joe Coy at one point. Jargito.
Are you? Jargito. Yeah, yeah, I believe he has at some point.
Have you ever fucked Joe Coy at any point?

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 1 Okay. Or any kind of relationship.
No.

Speaker 1 If you say yes, it helps your case. Jesus fucking.

Speaker 1 I'll definitely call Joe.

Speaker 1 Next photo. Next photo in the court.
Next photo. Next photo.
Good call, Carlos.

Speaker 1 Next photo. What else do you got up there?

Speaker 2 Oh, well, here is this damning one.

Speaker 4 Oh, it's your brother again.

Speaker 1 First of all.

Speaker 1 George Washington. Tim Washington.
Tim or. That's Tim Washington.
Washington.

Speaker 1 George. Can I tell you something?

Speaker 1 Tim and you. Yes.

Speaker 1 This is a very misleading. This is out of context.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You needed chapstick, and my brother Tim told me he had a little bit left on his lip, and you got a little bit of chapstick from him. Because earlier, my breath smelled,

Speaker 1 and he had one stick of chap.

Speaker 1 Chapstick.

Speaker 1 No, before that, I'm just going to give you an example. I'm just going to give you an example.
I'm just going to give you an example, right?

Speaker 1 This is how him and Tim, me and Tim.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to face him, right? And my breath belt, and he had already had one piece of gum in his mouth, and he split the gum with me, and I stuck it in my mouth.

Speaker 1 Objection. So this was a chapstick gum exchange.
That was Chapstick Gum Exchange. Can I remind the court that's the racial intent of the faces behind us in the background?

Speaker 1 Exactly. We don't recall that.

Speaker 1 That seems really racist. What's the intent?

Speaker 1 What's the intent there? What is the intent? Obviously, that's Photoshop.

Speaker 4 No, you went to a white photograph.

Speaker 1 That's an IHOP,

Speaker 1 right? And IHOPs don't have the decor. So what is the intent there?

Speaker 1 Next photo.

Speaker 1 Next photo.

Speaker 1 Both of these, both of you two, both the defense and the prosecution is really on thin ice with us now. Oh.
Again, with Tim. A lot of this, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's just a lot of this. We could speak to you.

Speaker 1 Again,

Speaker 1 I remember that. Jojito, do you remember this with Tim?

Speaker 4 So, here's the deal.

Speaker 1 Tim and I, when we travel together, right? Just listen, when Tim and I travel together, right?

Speaker 1 We sometimes want to watch movies.

Speaker 1 We want to watch different movies. So what you don't see, what you cropped out of this photo, is on both sides of us.

Speaker 1 I'm watching Porn Identity. He's watching Minority Report.
Minority Report and Porn Identity. Tim did tell me they did that the time.
I'm looking at it.

Speaker 1 Forgive me, because we're in the hut that we're looking at it, Right.

Speaker 2 And so we've all been there, but why are you naked?

Speaker 1 Next photo. Next photo.
People need to be naked to take baths.

Speaker 1 Next photo. Next photo.
Mr. Generes, people need to be naked.
Here we go. So another one with you and Tim.

Speaker 1 I told you, we got a lot of these.

Speaker 1 Judgito. We spend a lot of time with Tim.

Speaker 1 We get that.

Speaker 1 Judgito, what is going on in this photo with Tim?

Speaker 1 With my brother, Tim. I need to talk to my brother.

Speaker 1 This is bad. What is happening? I'll tell you what happened.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what is going on?

Speaker 1 Tim?

Speaker 1 His wife is Korean. His wife is Korean.
Is it not? Yes, that's true. Tim's wife is kids.

Speaker 1 I came over for some eggs.

Speaker 1 Yes, I was. I came over for some eggs, right?

Speaker 1 And so I walked in the front door, and I have no idea. And your brother, Tim, why is Tim have all that the pillows? Always prepared, Tim.
For what? Is that where he sleeps? In the middle?

Speaker 1 Yes, he sleeps. In the entrance of the entrance of his home.
So I walked in with the eggs, dropped the eggs. Oh, it looks like you dropped some eggs.

Speaker 1 I go, whoa, whoa, I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Right? I get on my knees.
Then his wife

Speaker 1 follows me. Took a photo.

Speaker 2 Objection. Yes.
I know that rug. This is this studio.
That's whiskey ginger rug.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Speaker 1 Ellen, Ellen, back out of that photo. That's where they make whiskey ginger.

Speaker 1 That's my brother.

Speaker 1 He's supporting me. Alice.

Speaker 1 Both of you are being held in contempt of court.

Speaker 1 That's enough.

Speaker 1 That's a house in Pasadena. That is a house in Pasadena.

Speaker 1 There are so many people that I've seen with a whiskey ginger. And that mini bridge that is exactly the same thing.
Oh, you think they don't get mini bridge? Everyone can get a mini fridge.

Speaker 1 David Caruso, the guy that's running from whatever, whatever, right?

Speaker 1 Rick Caruso.

Speaker 1 David Crusoe's running mate, Rick Caruso. They're also brothers.
He has a whiskey, ginger, rug. He has a whiskey ginger rug.
Next photo. Next photo, please.
Next photo.

Speaker 2 There's so much more to talk about in that photo.

Speaker 1 I've seen nothing so far.

Speaker 2 Also, can I remind the court that the judge is.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 By the way, that could be Kalila.

Speaker 1 Or that could be Carlos. That could be Carlos.

Speaker 1 This is erroneous. Yeah, erroneous.
Thrown out. Next photo.

Speaker 2 Okay. But if it is Carlos.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Oh, okay.
Oh, Judgito Lee. Here we go.
Well, number one. This is a lapse in judgment.

Speaker 4 It was late. The drug years.

Speaker 1 This is the drug years. During my drug years, this is drug use.
Yeah, yeah. This is drug use.
Definitely my drug years.

Speaker 1 Whom is that gentleman that Judge Edo Lee is kissing? That actually looks like George Washington.

Speaker 1 If you think about it, an imitator of myself.

Speaker 1 Next photo. Next photo.
This is all. That's the last photo.
This is all.

Speaker 5 We have some damaging evidence, something that cannot be denied.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
So we hired. Other than the photo, right? That's on the screen.

Speaker 5 Yeah, this is new evidence.

Speaker 1 Mr. Rosende, could you please button your shirt all the way up? We're in the courtroom, not at a strip club.
Thank you. The behavior is just disgusting.
Thank you. I appreciate that.
I'm getting hot.

Speaker 3 We're going to get in trouble.

Speaker 1 You didn't disclose this.

Speaker 5 So, this evidence just came in.

Speaker 1 Did you just hear him? He's like, I'm getting hot. He's so gross.

Speaker 5 Wait, what you guys are about to

Speaker 1 do. Excuse me?

Speaker 5 It's too damaging.

Speaker 4 I didn't want to disclose this, but you guys forced me.

Speaker 1 This is so stupid. This is so stupid.
No.

Speaker 1 Mr. Rosende, speed up with the evidence immediately, otherwise this court is going to be adjourned.

Speaker 5 I hired a PI.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 RFPI? Oh, he hired a PI, a private investigator. Okay, I love it.
Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 5 This is what

Speaker 1 the evidence shows. Okay.

Speaker 1 Imagine how bad of a court case this would really be. This would be.
This is insane. This is worse than like Judge Judy.
This is so fucking bad. What is all that?

Speaker 1 Oh, my good God. Okay, that's Two people walking.
We have no idea whom that is. Two people walking.

Speaker 4 I got an idea. Oh,

Speaker 1 oh, no. Oh, no.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 This is really damning, Carlos.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Let's go through all of them. I mean, yeah, seriously.
No, honestly, let's fuck the judge said. Wait a minute.
Oh, Mr.

Speaker 1 Mr. Rerra.

Speaker 1 What is happening? As this plays out, let's describe what's really going on.

Speaker 4 I do remember seeing

Speaker 1 oh my god

Speaker 1 mr. Herrera what what what what is it

Speaker 2 it's like they know the cameras here

Speaker 4 we had no idea are you arm wrestling mr.

Speaker 1 Herrera and whom is winning oh oh go back

Speaker 1 one more go back

Speaker 5 My case rests.

Speaker 1 Continue the photographs.

Speaker 1 That would look right at the camera. Come on.

Speaker 2 They're into it.

Speaker 1 These photographs from a private investigator are very clear.

Speaker 1 It's like in their feet.

Speaker 1 How far away is this private investigator?

Speaker 1 They like it.

Speaker 1 She's taking it on an iPhone four feet away.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they seem staged.

Speaker 1 Continue on, please.

Speaker 1 That's all. That's it, that's all.
That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And when you look directly both into the camera,

Speaker 1 I told you not to show that one.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 The fact that he's just

Speaker 1 the fact that fancy BSI is.

Speaker 1 We got a private investigator

Speaker 1 four feet away.

Speaker 1 You even fucked up this is like this.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 They taking pictures of it.

Speaker 4 Yeah,

Speaker 4 we caught the guy.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. So you admit, Mr.
Herrera, that this is true. You're on a date.
You're on a private date. You caught the private investigator.

Speaker 4 No, I want that scratch from the record.

Speaker 1 I have tears in my fucking eyes. Mr.
You know, I.

Speaker 1 You are not guilty.

Speaker 1 You're not guilty. Thank you.
Kids are right.

Speaker 1 That is one of the funniest.

Speaker 1 I'm crying.

Speaker 1 That's one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 That you hired a private investigator. He's four feet away.

Speaker 1 Blue Chew. Blue Chew.
I love Blue Chew because I have ED,

Speaker 1 and I need it. There's nothing wrong with it.

Speaker 1 Number one, nothing wrong. And if I'm going to do it, which I do, Blue Chew is the thing because I like the way it tastes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Blue Chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis, but in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost. Here's the best part.

Speaker 1 You can take them anytime, right? Day or night. You can plan ahead or be ready when the opportunity arises.
And it's simple.

Speaker 1 You just sign up at bluechew.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. Here's the best part, Andrew.

Speaker 1 It's all done online. So no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy.
They're made in the US of A, which Bobby's a huge fan of. Love America.

Speaker 1 They are prepared and shipped direct to your door. Discrete package.
Your neighbors aren't going to know. The nosy guy next door is not going to know what you're getting.
It's your business.

Speaker 1 It's not his, okay? Everybody is excited to see the Postman when this shows up. And guys, nothing to be ashamed of.
It's totally normal. Millions of people have it.
So why not try it yourself?

Speaker 1 We got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew Free when you use our promo code badfriends at checkout.
Just pay $5 shipping.

Speaker 1 So if you could benefit from extra confidence when it's time to perform, chew it and do it. Have better sex.
Go to Blue Chew.com, promo code BadFriends to receive your first month free.

Speaker 1 Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.
True Classic.

Speaker 1 You know, Andrew, you know, when I buy t-shirts, it makes me feel weird because they don't fit right and it just looks weird on my body. You have a unique body.
Uniquey. Uniquey body.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and but true classic, whenever I wear that shirt, it also fit it not comfortable, but it also just makes my body look normal.

Speaker 1 You're happy with the way your body looks in a true fit classic shit. Yeah, it's a weird thing.
Well, I got to tell you, they're fantastic.

Speaker 1 They already have helped over 2 million men get their fit on at an affordable price, which is really great because it's not super expensive. And look, girls have push-up bras.

Speaker 1 And guys, sometimes we need teas to help out the form of our body. True classic clothing is made with every man in mind.
I love that.

Speaker 1 You get the quality, luxe fit, and the softness you've always wanted, but never received from those sandpaper excuses for t-shirts. Yeah, these things are so soft, you'll actually want to wear them.

Speaker 1 They sent us some, and I got to tell you, they don't stop at Tease. They're one-stop shop for all-thing menswear.
They make it super easy to build out your wardrobe.

Speaker 1 Polos, they got workout shirts with that same flattering fit.

Speaker 1 They got boxers designed with a pouch to keep your package nice and comfy because you know, you want to cup your boys and worried about clothing is comfortable. Worried about sizing, Andrew? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, True Classics leaves no man behind for any of the big boys out there. They have long body options, and for the tall guys, long body and XXXX.
That goes all the way up, baby.

Speaker 1 It's about time that you get your fit together. Upgrade your wardrobe with True Classic.
Get 25% off at TrueClassic.com with the code Bad Friends. Free shipping included on purchases over $100.

Speaker 1 That's 25% off at trueclassic.com with the code BAD Friends.

Speaker 1 Strengthen your core wardrobe with True Classic today. True Classic, look good, feel good.

Speaker 1 Tale as dark as time.

Speaker 1 Mine is cold as ice.

Speaker 4 But you do know it.

Speaker 1 Wait, how do you know it? That's not a line.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I'm glad that we got Carlos off trial, by the way. Yeah, that's nice.
Very nice.

Speaker 1 Listen, I'll be honest with you. If anybody that I know was going to want to date Kalila, I would let you do it.
Because she's not going to want to fuck you.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? But it's like, even if she did, it would be a big laugh. I'd enjoy it.
We could hang out. Yeah.
You know, and um

Speaker 4 play with the dogs together excuse me play with the dogs i would play dogs with you

Speaker 1 i play dogs with you okay cool yeah yeah you play dogs together

Speaker 1 i would play with bobby's dogs like if i dated yeah if i dated not like i'd play if you're in a role play

Speaker 1 roleplay i wouldn't be a fucking um

Speaker 1 chihuahua

Speaker 1 what how'd you know i was gonna say that what else could you be you'd be and what is he what is he i was gonna say yorkshire terrier with he's like the wiry hair i'm something like with wiry hair.

Speaker 1 Like a hairless cat. Yeah.
On my mud or something. What a Sphinx.
Sphinx. Yeah.
A Sphinx cat.

Speaker 1 That's you. Yorkshire Terrier.
Oh. Yeah, that'd be me.
I love those things. Are they cute? Yeah.
Yorkshire Terriers. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 That'd be good.

Speaker 1 Bro. Dude, I was watching the Great British Bake Off.
I've been watching it.

Speaker 1 And it's so funny because they were talking about one of the couples that are taking a walk with their dog, and we call them wiener dogs, you know, Dachshunds. Yeah.
You know what they call them?

Speaker 1 What? Sausage dog. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, he's walking with his boyfriend and their sausage dog. Ron.
Yeah. And they named it the normal name.
It was so cute. Why don't we say sausage dog? Why are fucking

Speaker 1 Indians so good at fucking baking? Oh, weird. What? Indians?

Speaker 1 There's one Indian woman on the show. But in every season, I've seen every single season from season one zero.

Speaker 4 Well, you gotta have one.

Speaker 1 Because they're in. No, they always go to the either win the fucking thing or they get to the final.
I mean, they're just so good at it. Middle Eastern people are good at it.

Speaker 1 Middle Eastern people are good. Yeah.
They're good. They know how to bake.
Yeah, she's great. I mean, they're all great.

Speaker 1 The first girl, he won it

Speaker 1 one year. That dude's a king.

Speaker 5 Look at him.

Speaker 1 Look at him. He knows it, too.
Yeah, he's like, I'm a fucking baking king. Yeah, he's like an engineer or something.

Speaker 4 And he's Indian in England.

Speaker 1 Do you watch that show? No. You don't watch the Great British Bake Off? No, I haven't.

Speaker 1 I'm going to sue it.

Speaker 1 It's so good. It's great.

Speaker 1 I honestly think, and I'm going to see something crazy. Oh, that in terms of, because I don't watch anything wholesome.
What are you talking about? What do you mean? Like, I'm not a wholesome guy.

Speaker 1 Like, everything that I watch, like, I saw, like I said, Hellraiser earlier. And I'll watch stuff like horror movies or, you know, some violence.
Sometimes I'll watch like a Marvel movie.

Speaker 1 But like, in general, I don't do like Disney or wholesome TV. Like, I've never seen

Speaker 1 Two and a Half Men. Is that a one? Yeah, that's one.
The guy with AIDS? Yeah. Never saw AIDS.

Speaker 1 The guy with AIDS. But my point is that, but this is the, this is one of my favorite shows of all time.
And what I like about it, it makes me feel like I'm normal. Yeah.
Like, oh, I do want to.

Speaker 1 I think I long. I think I long to be that.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Do you make?

Speaker 1 No, I long to be like, to wake up. You know, I have this fantasy.
I can't believe I'm saying this. I have this dream, this reoccurring dream.

Speaker 1 And I've had it for a long time, even before I met Kalila, where I live in the Midwest. And I see green rolling hills.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Where? What state do you see?

Speaker 1 I don't know where. Right.
Right? But there's not a lot of houses, you know what I mean, but like it's a white house with blue trim Right, yeah, no fence you just see green rolling hills, right?

Speaker 1 And I'm laying in bed and I wake up and it's like seven and I wake up to the smell of coffee the smell of coffee, right? I hear peter patter in the, you know, the little peter patter.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Animals? It could be. Yeah.
I never get I never leave. You sit in bed the whole time.
I'm there the whole time. So your fantasy is pretty close to reality.

Speaker 1 No, no, but what happens is it's in a different location. Yeah, yeah.
But what happens is I look out the window and there's, I see a body of a woman, never the face.

Speaker 1 Right. What does the body look like?

Speaker 1 What color supermodel? Lizzo. It's like Lizo, yeah.
Julian. Very Lizzo.
No, like Gaida.

Speaker 1 Tall, skinny, tall, skinny, black guy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And, you know, those

Speaker 1 clotheslines? Yeah. Yeah, this woman's doing that, and I can hear her giggle because I look out the window and she knows that I'm there, right?

Speaker 2 I'm just picturing you as the little puppy the whole time. You're describing like a dog's day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. You're the one who's like,

Speaker 1 smelling it. You're in the mind of a dog.
That's you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're smelling. Maybe that's me.
But my point is that.

Speaker 1 I just imagine her hanging up all these clothes and then getting to your underwear and just being like, oh my God.

Speaker 1 But then there's other, then sometimes it switches to me in a car with kids. I don't ever see the kids, but I'm going to a soccer practice.
Oh, buddy. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And there's all these things that, and I'm in this Midwest town. I have a normal life,

Speaker 1 and then I wake up in Hollywood. Yeah.
And then, you know what I mean? You're better off. I kill it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I definitely kill it. That's your second life in your mind.
Yeah, but there is. Maybe it's happening in an alternative universe.
Maybe, but I also, when I look at British Bake Off,

Speaker 1 there's a tone to it,

Speaker 1 right? A tone? A tone. A feeling that I have of like, oh, this is, this, I could do, I could have done this.
No.

Speaker 1 What? No. What do you mean? To be a, become a baker? No.

Speaker 1 The tone of like people not saying fuck every other word, right? People being encouraging. Yeah.
Like, you know, it wasn't good. It was a little dry.
You know,

Speaker 1 you didn't proof it long enough or bake it long enough, you know, and,

Speaker 1 but I like the flavors, right? Like, they're positive. If I did a baking show, I'd be like, this sucks.

Speaker 1 We should do one.

Speaker 2 The great bad friends friend's bake off.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But my point is, there's just a feeling about it that I just, a wholesomeness that.
You wish you were another person. Yeah, I wish I was different a little bit, man, because it's like, um.

Speaker 1 You're not happy with what you are? I'm happy with what you are. Now, some of these girls, man.
Sometimes you piss me off, but.

Speaker 1 Some of these girls, man, they're like, you know, they think that I'm like the devil or something, man.

Speaker 1 They feel I'm like a fucking coochie destroyer, man. I'm not.
A coochie destroyer?

Speaker 1 I don't think you've ever been labeled a coochie destroyer. Yeah,

Speaker 1 do they call you that?

Speaker 1 You know, Coochie Killer and Coochie Destroyer, two different things. What happened? Coochie Killer.

Speaker 1 A beast of the night, you know? Coochie Killer. Coochie Killer.
Dry up. You dry him out.
They call you Desert Man.

Speaker 1 You come around and they just.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's not.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No. I don't think that's what he meant.
That's not what I meant, man. I think that's exactly what it meant.
No, no, no. It shivers in satisfaction.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you might be.

Speaker 1 That's what I meant.

Speaker 1 Shoot a little smile on that, too.

Speaker 1 And pucker your lips a little bit.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's what I see, dude.
Right?

Speaker 1 Like this one girl, dog. Like this one girl, dog.
This one girl, dog. Dog, it's like

Speaker 1 she lures me in with

Speaker 1 sexy DMs.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Not a badge, not dress, but like silhouettes of her body, this and that, right?

Speaker 1 And this goes on for a long time, brah. You know, so I reciprocate.

Speaker 1 Not reciprocate. Reciprocate means you sent her something back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but like funny photos. You know what I mean? Like a silhouette.
You know how to do this.

Speaker 4 Yeah. With those ones.
Did you know her or was it just

Speaker 4 oh, and you sent her a picture back?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I sent her picture. And then then

Speaker 1 I don't want to tell you where, but I fly to go see her. Mm-hmm.
Right?

Speaker 4 This country?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 You think I flew to fucking Moscow? When the girl appeared two weeks ago. No.
Okay. I fly to the.
Moscow's not as far as you'd think.

Speaker 4 Which is halfway around the world. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pretty far. It's the farthest point of.
Yeah. Yeah, it's far.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right. And then I, um,

Speaker 1 you know, we, I go there, and she, we, I go there to hook up, but, like, she just leaves right away.

Speaker 1 We have a date, we make out a little bit, she leaves, and I make all these plans to see her, this and that.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, she just writes me this thing, like, I'm done, I don't want to see you anymore.

Speaker 1 But you're the one that fucking sent the thing. So she got what she needed, though.
What? A kiss from Boobie Lee. Yeah.
Validation.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but my point is, is that, you know, so, and I feel like I'm at a point where I'm like,

Speaker 1 yeah, it's not, I don't know, I think I'm done. It makes me feel unwanted and ugly.

Speaker 2 Well, you put yourself out there. It didn't work the first time.
You got to keep trying.

Speaker 2 Dating's hard.

Speaker 1 That's what it is. Yeah.
I think you want it to be a lot faster, but just take your time. No, I mean, I'm seeing this other girl in LA

Speaker 1 right now that just learned me out. No, but it's like Crimea River.
You're like this one girl. I flew to shit.
Yeah, you got it. And there's 40 other women I'm talking to right now.
But

Speaker 1 here's what it is. How many women are on your dossier right now? I planted about 30 seeds.

Speaker 1 30 inches?

Speaker 1 And they have to grow.

Speaker 1 And that's my new theory. You plant the seeds and you just wait it, you water them, and some of them grow, some of them don't.
But just know there might be a water shortage.

Speaker 1 You might get a couple of weeds. Some of those things might not sprout.
Exactly. You might have to get a whole new garden.
Right.

Speaker 1 In fact, you might have to plant different kinds of seeds, maybe seeds with dicks.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 You don't want to eat your seeds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no.
But my point is, is that it's been a voyage for me.

Speaker 2 Speaking of planting seeds, do you miss,

Speaker 2 like, do you long to have kids? I talked to like Polly, and he's like getting older, and he's like, I wish I had kids.

Speaker 1 Well, I've been pushing him to have kids since I met him.

Speaker 1 I always thought that that would like anchor him.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's never going to have kids. I imagine that guy having kids.

Speaker 2 He dreams about it, but do you dream about that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I dream about it. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I believe it's gonna happen for me.

Speaker 2 I think so. You guys are lucky you can wait so long.

Speaker 1 You can too now. Kind of.
Look at Natasha just had one. Didn't she have one?

Speaker 1 Do they have two kids or one kid? She has one. They have one.
That was a few years ago. But she was when she had it, she was 40.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you see Howleys,

Speaker 1 do you see them get treated differently on the island? You're there enough. Do you see that the local whites are

Speaker 1 yeah, because they have they do speak in pidgin. Hey, buddy because they know how to speak pigeon.
And they do the pidgin. And dude, it was interesting.

Speaker 1 I so we had this kid on tiger belly, and he was like a local guy, right? And I literally, it was mind-boggling. I literally went, so you, you have Freddie Mercury's mouth.

Speaker 1 He goes, what do you mean, brother?

Speaker 1 And I go, well, it's just your teeth protrude. He goes, who's Freddie Mercury, brother?

Speaker 1 And I started singing him songs. He literally did not know.
How old was this man? 26 years old.

Speaker 1 That might be a little bit too young. He might not know.
But then I go, have you heard of the Beatles? He goes, no, brother. No, come on.
This is what.

Speaker 1 I am not fucking kidding you. What does this man do for life? He's a social media star.
What? Yeah, and check this out. He's in June with me.
He played literally hey Jude for him.

Speaker 1 He had never heard it. And he teared up.
That's beautiful, brother. He's never heard of the Beatles.
I go, it boggled my mind. and because Jules had never heard of the Beatles.
Well, that's okay.

Speaker 1 She's yeah, but my point is that there are people out there that just don't know shit. Yeah, but that's crazy.
It's crazy to think that you're an American. He's an American, right?

Speaker 1 And he doesn't know who the fucking Beatles is. Isn't that mind-boggling? Blissful ignorance, though.
Would it be nice to find the Beatles now? How crazy would that be to find them now? Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I know. Especially if you're into music.
Like, you literally, for a year, you're just, you know what I mean? Abby Road. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, blissful.

Speaker 4 I mean, it's kind of like this first time you got stoned right and you and then you you try to replicate getting high the rest of your life yeah and it never works out the same that's all i do i know you do yeah you chase it i got high 20 years ago yeah i've been chasing it ever since don't you want to get sober man i've been sober with you no but now no how are you out there man but things aren't bad enough for me they're not bad so i don't but emotionally are they bad no i think i'm okay what are you using uh just weed every day and sometimes i take xanax if i'm stressed out i'll take mushrooms sometimes yeah like drink socially Usually don't have more than three.

Speaker 1 You're not out of control.

Speaker 1 We've done, we've got high cutel a couple times together. Yeah, yeah.
Never again.

Speaker 1 Well, we don't know. Never mind at a time.
I know, but today, no. Yeah, keep the habit.
Today, the day, no. Today, the day, no.
Today, the day, no. Yeah.
But honestly, do you want to put stuff away?

Speaker 1 No. Oh, then fucking.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I feel fine about it. It's fine.

Speaker 1 Do you know why I got sober? Because today was a good example. I wake up, and there's six guys in my backyard.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And they're building things.

Speaker 1 Right? There's poles, fences, these are these contraptions. And they're,

Speaker 1 you know, there's people that are sawing shit. I go, what the fuck? He's like, you wanted this?

Speaker 1 I go, what is it? They go, we're building a cat sanctuary.

Speaker 1 And I go,

Speaker 1 I go, what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to, you know, they told me how much, it's so expensive. You ordered a cat sanctuary when I was high.
Yep.

Speaker 1 When I i was high i went i was just like i i want a cat sanctuary

Speaker 1 you know i mean i should have been billing you for shit this long yeah yeah and they were like really we don't yeah

Speaker 1 because you can turn this into this right so they're just building this thing so you have that now at your house they're still building it now

Speaker 1 tell me how much it costs

Speaker 1 be honest 25 grand oh my fucking god for a cat sanctuary can i move in there

Speaker 1 and it's like and then there's a gigantic tree i go don't chop the tree no but he's like, no, you told us to work around the tree. So they're building this thing.

Speaker 1 It's crazy.

Speaker 1 Is that insane? Do you have cats? No.

Speaker 1 I don't have any cats. It's a thing.
Yeah, but it's a sanctuary. It's a sanctuary if they ever want one.
No, I do have three cats. If they want to seek asylum,

Speaker 1 if they're just passing in the neighborhood, they want to seek asylum. They can't.

Speaker 1 And the reason why I did that was because there's a we have a litter box in the living room

Speaker 1 and it stinks, right? Because I had to build it. What? That's the reason.

Speaker 1 No, but I had built, I spent a bunch of money building a little, at the end of the front end of my house, a little doorway into a white shack where I put this, it's outside.

Speaker 1 And one of my cats don't like going out there for some reason, right? So she decides to pee anywhere in the living room unless there's a litter box there. So she's peeing on this fucking $20,000

Speaker 1 Italian couch I I got a couple years ago. She'll piss on the couch.
Yeah, just blood. I'd throw on that cat right down the hill.
Yeah, piss blood. Right?

Speaker 1 So I had to put a fucking out of stress or something. So now I guess when I was high, I was just like watching like British Bake Off High.

Speaker 1 You know, dude, I need a couch out here.

Speaker 4 Maybe the cat was on their period, not peeing blood.

Speaker 1 Fucking never thought of that.

Speaker 1 It is a girl. Yeah.
Pretty logical. Yeah, very logical.
Probably on the nose. Yeah.
Anyway, that's the the reason why I'm sober because I make decisions like that.

Speaker 1 Bad decisions. Are you up to making bad decisions?

Speaker 4 Sometimes I wake up and I don't remember that I watched like three hours of reality TV the night before.

Speaker 1 Like that's not bad. Yeah, it's not bad.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Like I'm not seeing.
Blacking out consciousness is kind of weird.

Speaker 4 It is a little weird, but that's like if I was stressed out and I took half a Xanax, but I'm not like seeing escorts and doing Coke and I don't even want to do Coke because of the fentanyl.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 4 Well, I haven't seen one in a long time.

Speaker 1 I don't believe you know much about that world. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I mean, I try to teach you about the world.

Speaker 1 And I'm not shamed.

Speaker 4 I'm not ashamed.

Speaker 1 Do you want to get an escort now? No, I was just curious to see how it works. I would never do it.

Speaker 1 Never? One day at a time. Yeah, I can never say never.
Who knows what's going to happen in the world, but my point is that.

Speaker 4 Maybe tomorrow.

Speaker 1 No, not tomorrow. Okay.
No, but I was just asking, how does it work? And he tells me. Would you ever get one?

Speaker 1 I have before.

Speaker 1 Again, would you get one again?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I haven't done it in so long that I just don't have the desire. Honestly, I think that because of OnlyFans, the escorts in L.A.
aren't as hot anymore.

Speaker 4 That all the hot ones are making all, like, so much money off the internet.

Speaker 1 I have a question.

Speaker 1 I'm glad you brought that up.

Speaker 1 Did you hear what happened with Ari?

Speaker 1 Shafir? Madness. No.

Speaker 1 Which it could have been either Aries. He loves us.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what?

Speaker 1 Are we allowed to say this on the show? I'm going to do it.

Speaker 4 Is it private business? No.

Speaker 1 Did he get robbed by a problem? Did you hear me out? This actually happened. Okay.

Speaker 1 Where's my phone? Because there's a photo I wanted to show you.

Speaker 1 It's worth it. No, okay.
It's fucking worth it. Okay.

Speaker 1 He's dating like a porn star. Listen.

Speaker 1 Listen. No, he is.
He told me. I mean, he told me personally.
Oh, I know. Listen.
Listen and learn. So I'm on fucking Instagram

Speaker 1 and I see Booty. So I click on the thing, this other girl.
Yeah. And I realizes she has an OnlyFans.
So I go to OnlyFans, right? I subscribe, it was $31, I don't know what it is, right?

Speaker 1 Subscribe to the OnlyFans, right? And she has sex videos on there, right? I start jerking off to one of the sex videos, and as I'm jerking off,

Speaker 1 I get this photo. Oh, yeah, that's her, and that's his penis.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, you jacked off to Ari Vanis.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's Ari's girl. His penis!

Speaker 1 It was fun, though, right? Very good.

Speaker 1 But my point, it it made me angry because it's like, who's funnier, Mira Aria, man is

Speaker 2 Bobby.

Speaker 1 No, just. Come on, man.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 The level, though, is different. His cock is bigger than yours.
That's what it is. Well, and that'll always win.
Oh, wait,

Speaker 1 I sent you a picture of him with the girl that you were jerking off to. That's kind of tight.
And he told me that's my penis because that's the only one that she uses.

Speaker 2 How did they know that you were jerking off to her?

Speaker 1 Because I subscribed. She sees who subscribes to her.
Okay, right. So

Speaker 1 my photo comes up. And he knew too.
He knew, right? And just the timing. And then they sent me this, and they're both giggling.
And

Speaker 1 I unsubscribe.

Speaker 2 So, how many times have you watched since then?

Speaker 1 None. I unsubscribed.
That's the moment. So I lost 31 bucks.

Speaker 1 Which I think he owes me.

Speaker 1 Call him up.

Speaker 1 Tell him he owes you some money for what happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Or I'll call him. That's big money, that's big, big money, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 hey Bobby how are you you owe me 31 bucks

Speaker 1 31 yeah oh why because you subscribed to an account yeah

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 1 well I don't think I owe you $31 if anyone owes you $31 it's the person you subscribe to

Speaker 1 interesting but the person that you subscribe but I don't think anyone does you subscribe to an account you saw a girl you thought she was a cutie You didn't do your research.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I understand that, but it's like: here's the deal: right? Let's say I'm watching, I go watch, I think I'm buying tickets to the little mermaid, right?

Speaker 1 And while I'm watching the little mermaid, a penis flies into the screen. That's not what I paid for.

Speaker 1 What did you think of the penis?

Speaker 1 It's pretty good.

Speaker 1 It's good, right?

Speaker 1 It's really good.

Speaker 4 Is it thick?

Speaker 1 It's yes, thank you. I appreciate that.
You know what? I appreciate it. I'm gonna give you a $31 the same night.
Yeah, yeah, really good. Anyway, thank you.

Speaker 1 All right, well, you owe me 31 bucks the next time I see you, okay?

Speaker 1 Okay, okay, okay, bye-bye.

Speaker 1 Factor, fall is officially here, and with the new season comes a new routine. But if you're like me, you get sick of the same old, same old day after day.

Speaker 1 And luckily, Factor's ready-to-eat meal delivery makes it easy to switch things up with 30-plus meal choices every single week, 36 weekly add-ons, and an option to add add protein to select vegan and veggie meals every single week.

Speaker 1 I really love these meals, man. Genius.
Whether I'm out and about all day or just cozying up at home, Factors Fresh, never frozen. That's what I like about it.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 you can always taste when they're frozen. Meals make it easy to fuel up fast with meals delivered ready to heat in just two minutes.
That's nothing, man.

Speaker 1 They got a rotating menu that has tons of fall options every week. Seasonal favorites like three bean vegan chili, apple mustard pork chop, and Tuscan tomato chicken, which I love.

Speaker 1 Into your rotation to spice things up. They got 30-plus meals per week, 36 add-ons, and more.

Speaker 1 And if you need more protein, you can add protein to select vegan and veggie meals to pack an additional boost into every single bite. It's a lot cheaper than takeout, I'll tell you that.

Speaker 1 And thanks to their commitment to ingredients with integrity, you can actually feel good about what you're eating every day. Yeah, when things get busy, Factor is flexible.

Speaker 1 You can change your order every week with plans four to 18 meals per week or pause, reschedule at any given time. You got to try this.
They have everything you need for a good week of eats.

Speaker 1 Bobby, how can you get that? Head to go.factor75.com slash bad friend60 and use the code bad friend60 to get 60% off your first box.

Speaker 1 That's code badfriend60 at go.factor75.com slash bad friend60 to get 60% off your first box. ShipStation.
You know, guys, Andrew and I have an online business. That's right.
And we use ShipStation.

Speaker 1 It's the best. The best time to prepare for growth is before the opportunity arrives, obviously.
Absolutely. Especially for online businesses.

Speaker 1 ShipStation sets you up for growth by directly integrating with every shopping cart and storefront.

Speaker 1 So your products are easier to find, easier to manage, and easier to get into the hands of happy customers.

Speaker 1 Look, if you're using your site to ship stuff out to people that whatever you're selling, there's no more limiting your business to one store.

Speaker 1 ShipStation integrates with every single platform you use, I promise. Amazon, Etsy, eBay, Shopify, they have so many more.
They make it easy to manage your shipping from one simple dashboard.

Speaker 1 You can maximize your sales with minimal effort, okay? You can easily compare carriers and rates and delivery times. You get the most out of every single send.

Speaker 1 And 98% of the companies that use ShipStation for one year become customers for life, like Bob and I.

Speaker 1 Get the same discounted shipping rates as Fortune 500 companies, whether you're sending a stack or a truck full. Join over 130,000 companies who have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation.

Speaker 1 It's so easy. We use it.
That's how we get you guys what you need and what you love.

Speaker 1 And how you can participate is go to shipstation.com today, sign up with the promo code Bad Friends for a free 60-day trial. Start today and set up before the biggest shipping season of the year.

Speaker 1 That's two months free. Visit shipstation.com.
Click the microphone at the top and type in code BADFRING. BADFINES.

Speaker 1 Because I always had a thing with him.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Like a gay thing?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 First of all, if there's any of the gay thing, it's between him and Tim Washington. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We've seen that. We have the evidence.

Speaker 1 But I've always had a little.

Speaker 1 There's always been a kind of like a tension between him and him and I. What do you mean? Like a competitiveness.

Speaker 4 Do you see yourself in him, and that's why?

Speaker 1 No, I don't see myself in him now.

Speaker 2 He sees himself in his girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the age.

Speaker 1 Killer. That's exactly what it is.
Yeah, you, you hit it on the net.

Speaker 1 I see myself in his girlfriend. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 very good.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 anyway, I'm happy for him. She's gorgeous.
So I have been linking up with on dating apps with OnlyFan girls, but obviously they say during the things like, I'm not going to give up my, you know,

Speaker 1 give up my profession, which I wouldn't want a girl to go, you know, you got to quit OnlyFans for today. Meaning there's no way I would do that.
Follow your dreams. My point is that

Speaker 1 it's not that I would be jealous. I think my thing is that because my tools, right, aren't as big as the tools that she's using while she's working, I feel self-conscious about it.
Don't.

Speaker 1 I'm sure you'll fit the bill in your own way.

Speaker 2 It's like stand-up. You can't compare yourself to the other people.

Speaker 1 You've got people offer a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 And those dicks are insanely large. Like, you can't compare your tool to their

Speaker 4 giant black tools.

Speaker 4 Like the porn star girls.

Speaker 1 You can't compare that. You know what? I equate it to this.

Speaker 1 Sometimes NFL stars, football players, will go home and play Madden. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 So they play the real thing at work. Yeah.
And sometimes they do a little side thing at home. And they like them both just the same.
They're both the same. And Madden is different.
No less real.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 You got this, Bobby. That's true.
That's true.

Speaker 2 Polly says he runs into you at the Korean spa all the time and you run away from him. Maybe he could help you get some babes.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 And the reason why I run into him, run away from him, is because he's embarrassing.

Speaker 1 Not that I'm with him, that's embarrassing. It's the things he says out loud that I can't be around.

Speaker 2 Oh, like Chinese?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're obviously.

Speaker 1 He sings a song.

Speaker 1 Chinese people

Speaker 1 are the most beautiful people in the world.

Speaker 1 Out loud. Is he wrong? There's no Chinese people.
There's all Koreans. Someone is just saying.
His preferred pronoun. I know, but it's like, imagine you don't know who he is, right?

Speaker 1 You're an old Korean man on business. The whizzle.
We all know who.

Speaker 1 Sorry, Roll.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I love Soro.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 What's another one?

Speaker 1 Jura Dudi. It's Sino Man.

Speaker 1 What's the Army what? In the army.

Speaker 1 My favorite. Wizzo! Wizzo!

Speaker 1 You know my favorite?

Speaker 1 Ba Dong!

Speaker 1 Oh, he's good with Baldwin.

Speaker 1 Yeah, wow.

Speaker 1 I think they like him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but also, he touches them. Well, that they don't like.
No, but they don't say anything. It's weird.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he touches everybody, so I imagine him and

Speaker 1 he's so different. Probably not in an appropriate way.
No, but he'll like pinch. Pinch and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like a weird guy, huh? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sounds like Bollywood. Do you think he's a weird guy? I like him.

Speaker 1 I love him. He's a brother.
I think he's great. Yeah, Paul's great.
But you guys have a different relationship. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he discovered me.

Speaker 1 So, um, he's to blame. No, yeah.
I owe him, I owe him and his family so fucking much because I was just a kid at La Jolla. Imagine.
And they used to go down and down there a lot.

Speaker 1 You didn't know you were at La Jolla. Yeah, that's where I started.
And they, um,

Speaker 1 you know, I was working as a doorman in La Jolla. Pauli goes, on Saturday nights, they, I would always host one show, and I only had five minutes.

Speaker 1 He saw me perform, and he walked up to me and he goes, this is 1996.

Speaker 1 He goes, dude, you're so weird out there. I go, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Open for me. And that's, it changes everything.
That's awesome. Wow.

Speaker 1 He's a sweet man. You know, just that time period, it was that time period, there was just so many dreams and you had so many know fantasies and like everything was so exciting it all came true i know

Speaker 1 whoa stop that's where i'm at now don't ruin your performance

Speaker 1 it all came true but it wasn't what i expected yeah there was so much struggle

Speaker 1 and and pain yeah but you're there now so you know i still feel it shut up i know

Speaker 1 you're yeah you're emotionally uh you're getting real emotional lately i think it's like a new you're finding a new you now that you're single single. I like it.

Speaker 4 He's reflective.

Speaker 1 I've been very reflective. And

Speaker 1 I are you're at peace. Are you at peace?

Speaker 1 What does that mean? Are you at peace? Yeah, I know what it means, but I'm trying to think about what. Well, then why'd you fucking ask me what it means if you don't?

Speaker 1 Because when I ask that, I'm trying to think about the answer. Oh, well, then take some more time.
Yeah, yeah. What do you mean by that?

Speaker 1 No. Am I at peace? No.

Speaker 1 Like, look, here's something that we can address on the show.

Speaker 1 We had Kalila fill in for you. I want to talk about this.

Speaker 1 Everybody who watched it that had something negative to say

Speaker 1 didn't understand that fucking vibe because I think what you can communicate it better, but the idea that people are throwing stones at Kalila is wild because also they'd be like, way to go, Shantino,

Speaker 1 like I had anything to do with it. Listen, I was in a jam.
I was out of town, and this production that I'm working on, they needed me for extra days. I couldn't get back in town in time.

Speaker 1 And she filled in for me last minute. She did a great job.
She did a great job. And number one, number two, I want people to know that she's always going to be a part of my life.

Speaker 1 And I love her like she's family. Same.
She is family, do you? Same. I love her.
I love her so fucking much. Careful, bitch.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 right.

Speaker 1 She is the only person that I can rely on 100%.

Speaker 1 She,

Speaker 1 we're still like children. Like, we, when we see each other, it's just like there's a connection and

Speaker 1 same. A family, a family kind of vibe.
No, the jokes are not going to work right now.

Speaker 1 It did make me laugh. It was very funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it would just be too funny. But what my point, my, I want to, what, so, and when people attack her online, right?

Speaker 1 Um, listen, I feel great about a relationship, right?

Speaker 1 It was a good run, it was a great run. I don't feel resentment, I feel like it, it only helped me on different levels, you know, emotionally,

Speaker 1 my place in the world, you know, what I want. I mean, she brought a lot of great things out of me.

Speaker 1 And whenever I see people say negative things online about her, it really breaks my heart. It's like you're attacking me in a weird way.
Well, here's what's interesting. Two things.

Speaker 1 One, I think people forget that. Like, we're all, this is like a family.
We're like a family together. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And obviously when we're fucking around and joking around with storyline on the show, that's half of the fun of the show.

Speaker 1 And the other thing is, I think what's fucked about people that view a relationship in one little viewpoint, it's like when somebody retires from playing a professional athlete and all they're thinking about is the one game that they played poorly.

Speaker 1 As if that's going to encompass their entire career. There was ups and downs.
There was great things and bad things and trades and blah, blah.

Speaker 1 And to me, it's like, that's what that relationship was to you. There was a lot of ups.
There was downs. There was learning curves.
There was changes as people. And you grew.

Speaker 1 And then when it was was over, it was still a good thing. It helped both of you in different ways.
And that's the mature thing that I will give you a lot of credit for is that

Speaker 1 you took what you got from it on a positive note. And the negative stuff you let go away because now you're both fucking moving forward in life.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's how the fucking mature way to look at all that stuff, which you did very well. I also want to, I like what you said about the family aspect of it.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 we're all like, I'm, you know, I've heard a couple of people go, Why are you opening for Tom Segura this week? I know, you called me and you said that.

Speaker 1 People were like saying that, and I'm like, Yeah, but it's like, I don't look at it that way. It's like, he's family.
Yeah. I'm going to have fun with him

Speaker 1 at his show.

Speaker 1 And that's how I see it. It's like we, you know, when we see each other, you know, on the road or at the clubs or when we call each other, there really is a camaraderie and a connection.
And

Speaker 1 we'll, I think that's why the East Coast and West Coast scene is different in the sense that we never had this kind of connection. Now everyone, we're growing all together.

Speaker 1 We bring this little one in, you know, because we want to help her because we see that she's the next generation. I mean, this is how it all works.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And what an incredible show for the audience. You and Tom Segura.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's amazing.

Speaker 1 It's an insane social show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I think that's what people need to remember and keep in mind, as much fun as we want to have on the show. And we always do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and people keep pitting me and Rudy against each other. And I just want to say that she is my family now, too.

Speaker 2 I love that girl.

Speaker 1 It's not a war. This is all for fun.
And by the way, when we play into the war, that's even the funny, the funnier thing is that's the whole point of it. That being said, Carlos is still

Speaker 1 on our shit list. Yeah, yeah.
But that's just the way that that's the way it's going to be.

Speaker 4 I was proven not guilty, though.

Speaker 1 That's true. Yeah, no, I was there.

Speaker 1 I was on the trial.

Speaker 1 My brother was the judge. But I do have to say that I do love you, man.

Speaker 1 And I really do. There's something about you that I just trust.
Cool. And I love, you know, I went to the Philippines with

Speaker 1 Andreas. Oh, my God.
And I, you know, there's just a working relationship and a, you know, and I want to get to know you better. But I feel like we grew up a little bit closer.
No? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's wrong with you, man? What? I'm trying to fucking... What is fucking wrong with you? I'm trying to bond with you and you're like, with your moist Spanish lips and you're like googly-eyed.

Speaker 1 Right? Just fucking take it in, man.

Speaker 5 I'm trying.

Speaker 2 I think people can't understand an amicable breakup. I know in my life, I've seen so many people, like even parents, dating people, breaking it, and then you just never talk to each other again.

Speaker 2 So I think a lot of that outrage is like from their personal experience. So you guys, I think, are setting a really cool example of how two people can break up, but still move on and be friends.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Cool.
Yeah, people, I know dudes are like, well, we don't fuck anymore. So I'm about to see it.
It's like, that was your relationship. Only fucking only fucking? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's like, no, it's about being with somebody and intimate, being intimate and sharing your dreams and your frustrations and your trauma and your fears and all this stuff, right? And

Speaker 1 you develop a friendship and a relationship.

Speaker 1 I'm friends with Sarah Highland still because we only dated for a couple of years, but I love that girl. And

Speaker 1 when bad things happen to me, Sarah's one of the first people to call me and go, are you okay?

Speaker 1 People just want stuff black and white.

Speaker 1 People want things to be cut and dried this way or that way. And that's never been the case.
But

Speaker 1 you know, also, it's your fucking life. It's my life.
It's your fucking life. Yeah.
And it's been a good one. It's a great one.
It's not over yet. Well, we do want to announce something.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 What if that was it? Well, you're going to live. We found out that it's just toe cancer.
Yeah, it's toe cancer. It's just one toe.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm glad that you're back for a heartbeat. We're both busy bees and you're

Speaker 1 going to New York to go film. So in the future, if we do have other people filming on the show, that's because we're both fucking trying our best to bring you guys episodes every fucking week.

Speaker 1 In November and December, I've cleared my I'm doing a movie. I'm doing Esther's movie in November, but then I'm in town.
Did she write a movie?

Speaker 4 She co-wrote it with Nick Grusin.

Speaker 1 She did? Oh, the goose. The goose.
Love the goose. Super talented, actually.
I think who's in it? Great people in it.

Speaker 1 Can you say who's in it? Yeah, I know. Haley Joel Osmond's in it.
Oh, yeah. Wow.
Yeah, he's great. Yeah.
I think he dropped out. Did he really? So funny.
Yeah. Are you being killed?

Speaker 1 No, I'm being serious. The whole reason why I'm doing the movie.

Speaker 4 No, I think he's back in, actually.

Speaker 1 Do you think he still sees dead people? Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Maybe.

Speaker 4 He's older now, though. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like he lost the whole cent.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you lose the sense? I think you would.

Speaker 4 If you saw them when you were young, you would lose them.

Speaker 1 I played him in a golf tournament for charity. Yeah.
Was he nice? I beat him. Was he nice? No, he's very nice.
He's a cool dude. He was a very cool dude.
He should do that movie part two. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The seventh cents? The seventh cents.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 the seventh cents.

Speaker 1 But now he still sees it. it's a comedy.
What's the seven cents? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you know how sometimes they have those people that say they've been like sexually fucked in the middle of the night by poltergeists? Like, have you ever seen this? Do you know that?

Speaker 1 Do you not know this? Look this up. Do you not know this? There's people that have accounts that they say they've woken up and they're being fucked by a ghost.

Speaker 1 I swear to God.

Speaker 1 This is a real thing. They'll call crazy people.
No, they're not, dude. This is

Speaker 1 real people. There's a 1-800 number for it.

Speaker 1 Really? No, no, no. It's just a sexual.
But just to been fucked by a ghost. Let's call that go.
I was fucked by a ghost. Ghost rape.
Rape by a ghost.

Speaker 1 Can we call it? Yeah. Look at this.
I got fucked by a ghost. See? I'm telling you, there's people that have been fucked by a ghost.
It's happy.

Speaker 2 Look, it's on all caps.

Speaker 1 Like, they wrote it right now. I got fucked by a ghost.
Now, would it be scarier? I'm going to.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 1 Juicy, let me ask you a question.

Speaker 1 If you were sexually assaulted, right? I thought you were going to say, if you were a ghost.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just.

Speaker 1 No, I just want to. Okay.

Speaker 1 Can I just. Just say, if I can handle it.
Go ahead. Okay.

Speaker 1 If it looked like Casper,

Speaker 1 or it looked like a human kind of half-ghost, what would you rather have? Oh, God.

Speaker 2 And Casper's friendly. Yeah, Casper.

Speaker 1 It's just cute. You know, I don't think I would be that mad.

Speaker 1 He's like, oh, I'm fucking you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, that type of thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would be like,

Speaker 2 I would be like, I'm tripping. This isn't real.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 What if Casper had a big ghost?

Speaker 1 Huge ghost tip.

Speaker 2 Well, then he knocked Casper down.

Speaker 1 And he blows a massive little

Speaker 1 hose of jizz.

Speaker 2 And it just fades away.

Speaker 1 Just like all the other men in my life.

Speaker 1 Or he kind of looks like come. Yeah, he does.

Speaker 1 He comes and he just kind of

Speaker 1 all goes inside. Maybe it's him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, that's

Speaker 1 yeah. But there's people that have been fucked by ghosts in the middle of the day.

Speaker 1 He might be a castle. He might be sperm.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, that's not. I don't like that.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he did. That's like a shifty.
The look is weird. Yeah.

Speaker 2 His friends, they look like they're up to no good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't leave the door unlocked. Or

Speaker 1 what are the green blobby ghosts from Ghostbusters? Yeah. Slimer.
Slime.

Speaker 1 What if Slimer pumped you up? Yeah, let's see.

Speaker 2 I'd rather Casper.

Speaker 1 Slimer, though. Let's just see.
Oh, he's cute.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's cute. He has teeth.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 That's not. He'd be good at going down on you, though.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that would be a little intrusive. Yeah, just a little bit.

Speaker 1 He looks repulsive.

Speaker 4 What about Bill Pullman in Casper? Because he's kind of a hybrid. Because Bill Pullman dies in the movie Casper, and he kind of looks half-human.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know what you're saying. I don't know what you're saying.

Speaker 2 I want the ghost from the movie, Ghost.

Speaker 1 Ooh, the ghost from Ghost. Ghost from Ghost.
What does that mean?

Speaker 1 Patrick Swayze?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Patrick Swayze. I'll take him.

Speaker 1 So he sticks a penny in your pussy?

Speaker 1 Patrick Swayze. Doesn't he move a penny or something on that table? Yeah, I'll take it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that ghost. Oh, yeah, yeah, that ghost.

Speaker 1 That's not for me. Yeah, that's not assault.

Speaker 1 That's best case scenario. Yeah.

Speaker 4 That's not a salt if he's hot.

Speaker 4 It's not assault if he's hot.

Speaker 1 That's true. As a ghost, yeah.
As a ghost. As a ghost.
You're wise.

Speaker 1 Did you see

Speaker 1 Bruce Willis sold his AI rights?

Speaker 1 Do you know this? Wow. So now you can make movies.
He can make movies posthumously.

Speaker 4 Keanu Reeves has done that too. I believe he was the first one.
Keanu was?

Speaker 1 How much? I don't know.

Speaker 1 They didn't say, but you could look it up.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 he wants to be able to still have his likeness

Speaker 1 in film and television carry on because, you know, he's sick. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's incredible. Yeah, look at it.

Speaker 1 It's reported last week that Starhead sold the rights to his face to a Russian deep fake company called Deep Cake, allowing the company to use a digital twin for the actor who retired in March following his diagnosis of aphasia.

Speaker 1 Dude, and they showed a commercial they already made with him. Yes, it looks good.
It's fucking unreal. It's unreal.
Insane. And how much would...

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. If you couldn't work for the rest of your life and we wanted to buy your likeness, what would you charge?

Speaker 1 God, that's tough. I know.

Speaker 1 It'd be like, you'd have to, I bet you he equated, he had an attorney and someone do analytics to find out how much money he would have potentially made.

Speaker 1 You know, how in court they say there's how much money you took away from my potential earnings? He couldn't have made anything. He has a disease.

Speaker 1 That has to be in the equation. No, no, they say if this never happened, that's what I would have made for the rest of my remaining life.
And that they do a literal, they do the math physical.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but if you have a disease and you know that you can't work again, right?

Speaker 1 That would still still be in the equation. So you'd be like,

Speaker 1 there's no way I can make, what would he make, in his heyday, he made, what, $10, $15 million a movie? Yeah, he probably walked with $100 million

Speaker 1 at the end of his, you know.

Speaker 1 So he'd probably make another $10 to $20 more million. I don't even know.

Speaker 1 He earned $20 million per year from working films. $55 million, right?

Speaker 1 $55 million in 2000. Yeah, he's probably worth $100 million now.
Right, so

Speaker 1 probably $5 million. That's what you'd sell you for? A movie.
No way.

Speaker 4 It's way more than that, I bet.

Speaker 1 For me?

Speaker 4 Oh, I thought for Bruce Willis.

Speaker 1 How much for me?

Speaker 1 How much for me, honestly? Like. A mil.
For the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I really believe that.

Speaker 4 900,000.

Speaker 1 Why, why, why? Why? Just round up. Pudu a million.
Look at this. This says his net worth might be a quarter of a billion, but these things are always bullshit.
Yeah. But maybe that is true.

Speaker 1 I don't know. What would you sell yourself for,

Speaker 1 Juice, if I said today, you're never going to be able to work again, but we're going to buy your likeness. How much?

Speaker 2 Today?

Speaker 1 Today, this is it. It's over.

Speaker 1 Today I'm young. That's the point.

Speaker 2 Today I'm making about $100 a feature acts.

Speaker 1 All right, so what are you selling your likeness for? We're going to use you on stage, on screen.

Speaker 2 On stage?

Speaker 2 I'd say $200 an appearance.

Speaker 1 A year?

Speaker 2 An appearance.

Speaker 1 No, no, this is a contract for the rest of your life. For the rest of your life.
Let's do go yearly. This is one year.
One sum number? Yeah, one sum number for the rest of your life. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I can't work a deal. Like, every appearance goes to my family.

Speaker 1 No, we're buying you out, man.

Speaker 2 I will say

Speaker 1 half a million. Deal.
Good. We're going to

Speaker 1 make so much money on that.

Speaker 2 Whatever you're worth, and I'll cut it in half.

Speaker 1 We're going to make so much money on that. That's a bad deal, Carlos.
That's a good deal. For me,

Speaker 4 I mean, I don't really go on stages or anything. Bingo.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So my AI likeness would more be like inside Fancy's MacBook, like to help him on the show.

Speaker 1 Also helpful. Yeah, so Fancy says no.

Speaker 1 I think a cool 300 grand.

Speaker 1 No deal. No deal.
There's no way. All right.

Speaker 1 Lower? Yeah, way lower.

Speaker 4 100 grand.

Speaker 1 No deal.

Speaker 1 10 grand. Deal.
Deal.

Speaker 1 And that's a stretch. We have to call it lawyers.
We really have to call it lawyers. But for right now, yes.
That's insane. That's so mean.
We have to call our fucking lawyers. Yeah, yeah.
For who?

Speaker 1 Who? No. George Washington.
I'm Googling it. For Tim Washington?

Speaker 2 I'm getting some work.

Speaker 2 I went on the road with Annie this weekend.

Speaker 2 Kansas City. It was so fun.

Speaker 2 And this weekend and the weekend after, I'm featuring for Anthony Jesselnink.

Speaker 1 Hell where?

Speaker 2 I just found out.

Speaker 2 Irvine and Oxnard, I think.

Speaker 1 I believe.

Speaker 1 Those are great shows. Amazing.

Speaker 2 It might be this probably after.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say something to you right now, and I can feel this happening. Okay.

Speaker 1 When we do our tour, tour,

Speaker 1 I don't care who else you're on the books with. That's right.

Speaker 2 This is what I want to hear.

Speaker 1 You're canceling whoever

Speaker 1 all of it. And you're doing, no matter what we're doing, you cancel to do ours.

Speaker 2 When I heard about this tour, it's all I can, it's literally all I can think about.

Speaker 1 65,000 followers now she's up to. She's moving.

Speaker 1 She's moving. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I still, I won't let myself believe the tour is happening because I have no.

Speaker 1 And what did you start with your Instagram wise? 13. Thousand? Yeah.
And you're at 65 now?

Speaker 2 Would you think I'm at 13 total?

Speaker 1 I did a little bit of work. Yeah, yeah.
But is that you had 13,000? Yeah. And now you're at 65,000.
Yeah. How does that feel?

Speaker 2 It feels great. It took a little adjustment.
There was a period of time, I'm not going to lie, because it happened so fast that I was just, I felt like kind of weird.

Speaker 2 I don't know how to put it into words quite yet, but it... I just felt like things were changing really fast, but then I kind of grounded it.

Speaker 1 How many do you have, Carlos?

Speaker 2 It's like nothing really changed.

Speaker 4 6,000 something.

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 1 Bobby.

Speaker 4 Why'd your voice go up in pitch?

Speaker 2 So, followers aren't everything, but it's I don't think it's bad, it's great.

Speaker 4 I'm like

Speaker 4 a producer, I'm like, like, I shouldn't even have followers, so I have some. That's cool, yeah, that's good, yeah, good.

Speaker 2 So, followers aren't everything, but it's in real life when people show up and they know who I am and they like the work and the show.

Speaker 2 And, you know, so many people came up to me last night and were like, it was so cool to see you. I opened the main room, and they're like, We saw Santino.

Speaker 2 Really sucked, Bobby wasn't there, but yeah that was in hawaii he was on the flyer i i called them fucking monday morning i'm not gonna be there and i thought that he would i don't know they already printed can i tell you when i got to the store i was working a lot so ran sickler came up and told me oh you're opening the show great hey can you do me a favor and just let the whole crowd know that Bobby and Bert aren't going to be here.

Speaker 1 So you did that?

Speaker 2 Well, they ended up telling me right before I went on stage that I didn't have to do that, that they didn't want me to do that, that it's comedy store policy because it always says lineup subject to change.

Speaker 2 That like they notified everybody, but I was preparing all these riffs and like,

Speaker 2 and I was going to do it right at the top because I didn't want to hand the show over to George Perez.

Speaker 1 Like, with, oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Sorry to disappoint you. Here's the thing.

Speaker 2 So I was like planning all this shit, but

Speaker 1 the show was good, though. Eleanor Kerrigan just

Speaker 1 so funny, dude. She

Speaker 1 so funny. She does the same thing that Ingram does, where she's able to pick people out of the crowd at the same time as running a bit and incorporate them with stuff.
She's so fucking funny.

Speaker 1 She's so great. She's our girl.
We love her. Love her.
All right, so look,

Speaker 1 the trial is adjourned. We know what happened with Carlos.
He was set free by Bobby.

Speaker 1 I think we're all kind of set free now by Bobby.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I feel better. Yeah.
Yeah. I want to say one last thing about bad friends.
We're going to do this for a long time.

Speaker 1 I feel it. I hope so.
I know I do. And I I have to say, you know, you are probably one of my best friends.
Thank you. Probably.
Probably. Yeah, probably hurts.

Speaker 1 No, it doesn't. How?

Speaker 1 Because I physically say you are one of my best friends. You are probably one of my best friends.
Don't say probably.

Speaker 1 I don't need probably. Yeah, yeah.
Just say you are one of the friends. You are one of my best friends.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's so hard to say. You are really, I think.
So not saying I am the best friend. Just say I'm one of your best friends.
Out of the 10, yes.

Speaker 4 10? Five. Who are the other nine? Oh, four.

Speaker 1 Who are the other five? Who are the other four?

Speaker 1 Kalila?

Speaker 6 Gene.

Speaker 1 Gene's a good. Yeah, probably four, top four.
Gene, Kalila. You.
Me. Eric Riffin, maybe.
Eric. Maybe.
Me. Your brother? Yeah, he's a family.
I wouldn't call it. Okay, that's different.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Am I your friend?

Speaker 1 Your sister. Anyway, thank you for being.

Speaker 1 He winked. Go ahead and do it.
Thank you for being a bad friend.