Bobby's Replacement

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Hey, bad friends. company and affiliates.
Potential savings will vary, not available in Boston, you guys. I'm so happy to be playing New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve on the 30th and 31st in Boston.
So go to andrewsantino.com for tickets. andrewsantino.com for tickets.
Also, look at this. We restocked Bad Friends shirts.
Look at this. Some of the highest demand Bad Friends shirts.
That's me and Bobby talking closely. And then this is also the Bad Friends mug faces.
You guys loved them. We ran out of them, so now we restocked them.
So they be on the merch bar down below, or it's in the link. The bio will be in the link to go get those bad friends shirts.
Pick them up and come see me this New Year's Eve and Eve Eve in Boston, Massachusetts, andrewsantino.com. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
Welcome back to Splitting Up Together, three of the best castmates on earth. Once again, it is the return of the mole woman.
Oh, wait, yeah, let it play out, Pete. That's the way to do it.
What is that, hey, girl? Is that a new girl, I mean?

New girl, yeah. New girl.

Welcome back to everyone's favorite podcast,

Splitting Up Together, featuring Rudy Jules

and the one and only Kalilah Kuhn.

Sitting in the hot seat today is Kalilah Kuhn.

You know, my last name is not, that's not how you say it. Kalilah Koon.
It's a racial slur. Is it really? Kalilah Koon.
How do you say your last name? Koon. Kalilah Koon.
So much better that way. Isn't it? No.
Ah, Rudy. Rudy wasn't here on time.
We were here 15 minutes ago. Rudy forgot that it was Bad Friends Day.
She's going to blame Fancy B. Is that true? Yeah, because I thought he said Thursday.
Check your test. Your text.
Yeah, no. I think the original way you said it.
Check your test. Check your test, please.
Please check your test. And then he texted me again yesterday, and I thought he'd change it to 8 p.m.
Thursday. Yeah.
But it's Wednesday, 8 p.m. 8 p.m.
Wednesday. You know what? I found a better you in the Philippines.
Really? Who? Yeah, it's like, you know, it looked like you, but she's way cooler. It looks like you.
It talks like you. It walks like you.
Yeah. What do you mean? Is this a woman that you've fallen in love with? So you're leaving your wife for a woman you met in the Philippines? I know who it is.
It's her little sister. Oh, is that your little sister? Oh, Rudy.
And is she doing the eat pussy thing? Yeah. I don't think that's okay.
How old is she? 14. Yeah, that's not okay for her to zoom in on that she looks just like

you that's so wild you guys have the same um what is it the thing you know that people can point out if it's the eyes of the mouth of the nose it's it's nose mouth it's right here it's just a little nose mouth this little part right here is the most alike do the do the pussy eat thing with your look at me yeah that's your little sister

peas in a pod she's 14 years old, so fancy. Yeah, she's smarter than Jules.
Is she really? Yeah. She's a genius.
Is she really? She taught herself Japanese over the pandemic. She's fluent in Japanese now.
She's one of those girls that is just so switched on. She talks about her gay awakening in like, oh, really? Just like, like matter of fact.
She gay? A whole way. She's, she, they? She's, she hasn't determined her pronouns yet, but she says that she is, she's talked about her gay awakening.
Wow. Pull this closer.
I can't hear you that way um hang on my rudy today

you are yeah get closer to the mic god man you brown people it's hard to control wait so she has a gay awakening she doesn't know if she's a she she's not a she doesn't know her pronouns that's what it is yeah i don't she hasn't figured that out yeah what are your pronouns she her what are yours everybody sees me goes the big cheese the big cheeto I don't I'm a call to I'm a call to him I'm a call to him but I refuse to like when people put it in their emails or any of that stuff that drives me nuts I have to do that in college i know because you're in a liberal bullshit college college is making people do stuff like that now right yeah you got to say do you when you introduce yourself to the class you have to say your pronouns and even on zoom you have to put it on your name yeah but if you don't put it what is who cares no but it's just they say it like when the teacher says, if you want, just put it. It's better.
Oh, so it's just a suggestion. It's not a requirement.
Yeah, that's true. I mean, the world is.
Look, there's a woman running for Orange County Congress. Just to bring up a picture of Michelle Steele.
I don't know if you know this woman. The one thing she hates the most.
What do you think it is that Michelle Steele, the Korean immigrant running for Orange County Congress. What do you think Michelle Steele hates the most what do you think it is that michelle still the korean immigrant running for orange county congress what do you think michelle still hates the most let me think give you both one guess oh koreans oh no she loves koreans what do you think she hates filipino china she hates china oh yeah she did a whole commercial on how much she doesn't like china.
She's like, we must stop China. I always thought I wanted a Chinese husband.
Did you really? Yeah. Shoot for the moon.
Yeah. My God.
Shoot for the moon. A Chinese husband, why? Because I have a lot of Korean friends that are female.
Yeah hush hush watch this did nobody tell you nobody told you you have lipstick on your teeth you bitch Jules even if you saw it you wouldn't tell me dude that's the most fucked up shit you know you saw lipstick on her teeth you're a liar you're. Also, Jules, like knowing that I'm single and I need the extra help, you're not going to tell me? I will tell you if there's boogers or anything.
What was just going on there? You made the decision to not tell her? I didn't see and she was already talking, so I just. You're a little fucking scumbag, pal.
Just because you're in a relationship. She's single.
Let her fucking catch. And you're out there locked up.
So you don't want other people to prosper. Is that what it is? No.
But I thought I had monkey pox. She really did think she had it.
From your boyfriend? Yeah. I was getting so much bumps, red bumps all over my body.
And I told Atikolayla's sister

and she said, go to urgent care now.

Yeah. Well, if I had

the bumps didn't look like

pustular.

That's the word pustular? Pustular.

It didn't look like pussy.

I would have probably just said like,

hey, look at the dogs. They're all itching.

Probably fleas. Right.

You probably just had fleas. Pustular is a word, by the way.

Is it? This type of

psoriasis caused reddish

See you next time. Like, look at the dogs.
They're all itching. Probably fleas.
Right. You probably just had fleas.
Pustular is a word, by the way.

Is it?

This type of psoriasis caused reddish, scaly, pus-filled bumps.

So you have psoriasis.

They were not pustular.

Oh.

Give me non-pustular red bumps.

Let's see what you could have had because Google's going to be better than whatever doctors have to say.

What the fuck do they know? Uh-oh. 25 25 causes so we could be any acne was it no cold sore was it herpes herpes oh it is a new boyfriend it wasn't on my lips corns and calluses no skin tags no which is that's Andreas' nickname.
A nodule? No.

By the way, go back up.

How do you even explain a fucking nodule?

If someone's like, what is it?

You're like, it looks,

it's like I burned myself with a lighter.

And you're like, well, how did you get it? It's like, I have absolutely no fucking idea.

If that appears on your skin,

don't you think you're dying?

Yeah, absolutely.

I'm thinking I'm dying.

If I have a little,

it looks like there's a mole underneath my skin.

I think I'm dying.

It just looks like a blister.

Yeah, but... absolutely i'm thinking i'm dying if i have a little it looks like there's a mole underneath my skin i think i'm dying it it just looks like a blister yeah but it looks like a burn blister but if it appeared without any sort of burning wouldn't you panic if that's lumped here's the deal the proximity of a weird skin thing to your genitalia means everything if it's on your arm don't care have you never had an ingrown like a giant to your dick? No.
Oh, God. So girls get it all the time because we have to wax.
Wax and shave. And it's just the worst.
So do you have a panic moment? As soon as you look down and you see that, you think, okay, well, now I've got the herps. Yes, all the time.
I think that. I've never had an ingrown hair near my...
The only thing... I talked about this today with my buddy Corey.
I had one STD in college. I had Molescum.
Do you know what that is? Look it up. It's like a skin rash, but I had full on panic attack.
Do an image of it. Is it sexually transmitted? It's a skin rash, Molescum skin rash.
It's like that is exactly right. This is what you had on your arm you little you little dirty bitch this was on my pelvis so like i said the proximity of this to your penis look at what that looks like what do you think that is it looks a little like syphilitic oh no that actually looks kind of more like herpes herpes that's exactly right so it was on just my pelvis wasn't on my wasn't on my pepito it wasn't on my pepito it was just on the it was on the runway and i gotta tell you fucking i spiraled for like three days and i was bawling i was crying and i was like i and the girl that i had had sex with i had used a condom used protection and i thought how could this happen i used a condom it was on my pelvis and i thought what if it starts to move its way down to my wiener is it an actual sexually transmitted disease or it's just a skin the skin thing so my doctor said after I finally got the I was scared to go in because I was scared to hear the truth so I finally went in and he was like what that's he gave me like a cream and a pill and it was gone and like I'm not kidding like the same day and he was like it's a it's a skin rash it's kind of like you know like jock itch and all that stuff and like athlete's foot and all these things he's like it's a skin fungus but it's typically transmitted sexually because it gets around this area a lot you know what's so fucked up this is so mean to say but she looked like someone that would give me moluscum if you never even knew what it was if someone goes that girl gave santina moluscum you'd go oh yeah i guess what she looked like go please go for it did she look like a smashly dark hair i think her name was ashley was it really i swear to god i think i swear to god in my life she has the dimples on her lower back you better believe it does she have a tattoo in between them yeah you better believe it that's the thing that her generation will never have to experience is like tramp stamps and all that.
They're coming back though. Are they? Oh yeah, 100%.
Girls are getting tramp stamps again. Wow.
Because the thing you've stolen from our generation, you guys are wearing really, really baggy jeans. That was our childhood.
Really baggy jeans. And also you're stealing brands from our generation, which is fucking insane to me.
Like Stussy's the biggest it's ever been it's huge stussy's huge dude and do you know what this is no yeah it's back now young people like it you never seen this when i was a kid it was dope it's now it's cool it's like cool again it's just so funny you guys are stealing all of our shit well i hope you steal all of our dumb shit too like lower back tattoos i hope you guys get a little bit of that sauce it's it's trending you better not get a fucking lower back tattoo don't do it jules also though they steal some elements of it like the low-rise jeans are back but they don't know how low we went our zippers were this short tiny little zips in the late 90s should i can i say that on the show a little tiny little zips we're both asian we accept tiny little zips. In the late 90s.
Can I say that on the show? A little eight. Tiny little zips.
We're both Asian. We accept.
Tiny little zippers. But we did.
You had low rise. And they were, the cool thing was back in the day to have your pants so low that women would sometimes wear like men boxers or like boxer brief underwear and then they would rise above them and you could see both of them.
That shit was hot. On TikTok, they have the song thing.
That whale tail that's my it's a whale tail that's her yeah that's thievery yeah you guys are stealing you know what the fucked up thing is about fashion you'll see some shit and immediately i'm like yeah this is just someone took a took a shot you just have to take a shot and look weird you saw the tape girls didn't you see the the tape girls do the black tape girls runway models wearing only black tape this is a this guy fucking has tricked the world this is insane he went to i don't even know it was like yeah it was miami these women are literally wearing electrical tape over their entire fucking body and this like blew up in the scene people are upset i know this girl by the way I personally know this person she's worked with a friend of ours

she's a model out here in LA

and she went down there to do this campaign

she's so hot her name is Zida

yeah this would

leave me an interesting trail

of eczema look at that

contact dermatitis big time

you want to talk about ingrown hairs

yeah

but here's the thing zoom in a little bit

how do you get that off your titties

I'm going to go ahead and get it. Tastardomia.
Big time. You want to talk about ingrown hairs.
Yeah. But here's the thing.

Zoom in a little bit.

How do you get that off your titties?

That doesn't hurt your nipples when you're ripping tape off your tits?

Girls are used to suffering, though, for the sake of fashion.

That's right.

That is something that we just kind of have done our whole lives.

Because a thong is not comfortable.

And also the beastie yeasties you get. Anytime I see a girl with a thong on, I'm like, oh, she's rolling the dice.
Yeah. You know a beastie yeasties right around the corner.
Just rumbling down there. Oh my God.
And like it doesn't catch the discharge. So you know it's just oozing from the side.
Trip drop. We should invent something to catch it though.
Like, okay. I'm okay with the thong part being really thin but it's got to have a bigger pussy catcher or the juice catcher yeah a pjc a pussy juice catcher just a little cup well you know like the i learned about the um i learned about the uh menstrual cups menstrual cups wow i learned about this Cupping, I thought, was something completely different.
No, Michael Phelps gets the cupping. Okay, okay.
That's an Olympic thing. Have you ever cupped? Have you ever done a menstrual cup? Oh, I've done both.
And then- I did old school cupping. Yeah, I've done cupping on the back.
Yeah, yeah. And then Jules tried to teach me how to use a menstrual cup.
You be cupping? Mm-hmm. Wow.
And I couldn't figure out how to get it out, so I was in the cold, hard floor of my bathroom having to, like, birth it out. You had to, why? Because it was so, it was just so attached? I had to push it out like it was a baby.
Something happened, and I'm totally scarred by it, but all these girls, they just do it so efficiently, and I'm just not one of them. So you only be cupping? Wow.
It's so much better for you. Tampons are like toxic.
I know I read this whole thing about tampons with the amount of bleach that's in there it's like really bad for you anyway and then the women that get if it you know if they stay in too long you get come on what's it? No no no. Oh toxic shock syndrome.
Toxic shock syndrome and you can die from it which i heard years ago when i was a kid i think like my mom to my sister or something that was like you can't do that all night you can't leave a tampon in all night and then as i've got older then you read all this other stuff that they're like it's dyed cotton it's yeah so it's like bleached cotton sitting inside of your body all day so i get the cup dog you be cupping it's so much easier but you have to like force it yeah does it make a suck noise yeah then you have to pull it to make it tight so it won't go out right yeah yeah i've just opted to free bleed you be free bleeding if i'm home and i have nowhere to be i've i free bleed tight and the dogs love it i ain't a joke that's too much wait wait a minute we're there already because the dogs can smell it and they love it god i really want to show you a really bad video of my dog just going ham on my show me free bleed panty so wait a minute they eat the live in it. Oh, no.
Show me the video. You know what's interesting about my dog is she's a girl.
And when I come home, she always sniffs. She always goes to my crotch.
She wants to be up on my legs to bury her head in my crotch. Never does that to my wife, ever.
Never does that to her. She always wants to be down by her legs.
But when I come home home she puts her head by my crotch and even when she's done sniffing she'll turn her ear to it like she's listening like a little cock shell a cock shell yeah if you you can hear all the pussy i'm not getting in the cock shell far far away she will though she'll put her head right and she'll rest her head underneath my balls and it's so funny because when she sleeps when she jumps in the bed with us oh this is what i do want to know when she sleeps in the bed with us i think when she's on her period the dog will come to my side of the bed your dog doesn't like your wife's panties no no does not in fact in fact by the way we learn you know how everybody's doggy there's like panties or socks or underwear or the dogs always have like a thing some dogs traditionally have shoes and all that stuff none of these things except for dirty shorts dirty my running shorts if i leave them in the other room yeah loves because i think it's ass asshole and ball sweat and she really likes asshole and ball sweat. She's just a pervert.
Can I talk to you for a second? Don't fucking talk about my dog that way, pal. No, but she likes asshole and ball sweat.
I think that she likes that smell, that like... Maybe she wants your dick.
Clip it. Clip it for the internet.
But is funny she does not she's not a panty dog both of your dogs are panty dogs all of the but it's not just my panty it's everyone's panty like i've had people over and have lost three or four underwear to julio julio is a big culprit but they take turns so like usually julio will go first and when he's done then Gobi will kind of tag him, you know tag herself in. Here I'm sending it to you Fancy Wow.
The video It's amazing. I'm so It's so funny After all, after how many years, two years I told her to pull the mic closer closer you both of the Filipinos in this fucking room by the way

thanks for the invite

to the Philippines Fancy

well it was such

a wonderful trip

you missed like

you know

he was

a ray of sunshine

it is so funny

because we texted

we texted while he was there

because we were trying

to organize all this shit

and

I can tell Fancy

got a little dose

little dose of what it's like

there was one point

where I was just

so proud of

Fancy

for sticking

Thank you. and I can tell Fancy got a little dose, a little dose of what it's like.
There was one point where I was just so proud of Fancy for sticking it to Bobby and saying, you know what? You're gonna need more discipline than this. Did you go for it, huh? You told him what the fuck is up? Yeah, he said he was gonna stretch me after that.
He's like, you want me to stretch you out? What an idiot. By the way, he's such such a fucking liar the guy told me we were texting for a second a second and he said uh he has food poisoning did he tell you this lie did he get food poisoning there fucking liar i knew he didn't get fucking food but no you know i i saw imodium at home so i think it's true he just had bubble guts not food poisoning um poisoning.
Because you know food poisoning lasts. He said that on the plane he had to get up every two minutes, but he does have a very sensitive stomach compared to everyone else.
A little softy tummy. Am I crazy or is this exceptionally hard to open? Let a man do it.
I just realized that Bobby is like a writer

who doesn't like to write.

You know, he...

A writer who doesn't like to write?

Yeah, it's like he hates the process of making things.

Yeah, but he likes to have them made.

Yes.

All right, let's check out this video.

Oh, my God.

So that was a pair of panties with blood on them, and you just... Workout sweat.
Oh, my God. Rolling in it.
Rolling in it. That's insane.
Wait for it. Oh, my God.
Look, he's like seizing. Oh, pussy.
Oh, pussy. Oh, my God.
But you know, you know like every man look what he does at the end when he's done when he's gotten what he needs when he comes look what he gets when he needs after he's had everything he's ever gotten he's toiled around he's ripping it apart a little bit oh yeah I have so many holes on all my underwear but But I just can't, you know, they like it, so why would I? This is like a post-workout on, oh, when he's done, he just shakes it off. Like, bye.
I gotta get out of here. And then the second one comes in right after.
That's tag team. Yeah.
Tag team, back in the day. Leo's like, that one's a good one.
That's insane, they like it so much. I know.
That's so crazy. Is this super common and I just don't know? He's golden.
Oh, look, he's taking it. She's a little bit more delicate about it.
She just likes to chew. That's the cuddle.
Just a lover. See, that's a lover.
Yeah, I just want to nibble on your little dirty panties. Imagine that's when they, if they asked you, they're like, can I nibble on your dirty panties? And your other dog is like, give me the fucking panties.
Give them to me now. You should sell your fucking panties to dog owners.
You know how much money you would make doing that? That's your new OnlyFans. Only dogs.
Only dogs with Kalilah. You sell your used panties.
I mean, can you imagine the amount of money? These people that are selling their used shit online, I saw a girl that sells just her fucking dirty socks. Nothing else nudity no none of that shit she's making 20 grand a month does she have 20 grand a month name because that girl the fart girl the fart in a jar girl she was already on 90 day fiance no yeah she was famous this girl is a right this girl had been established as something else on the internet before i see but even still who the fuck is buying used socks what are you doing with them oh well never mind i for a second i was like what am i talking about i wonder what they look for like is it a scent because i don't i've never had smelly feet in my life never never okay you work out all day long at the end of a long day i my feet have never and my feet sweat a lot they have never smelled what ever do you have smelly feet only when i wear my socks for a week oh well that makes perfect fucking sense yeah you wear the same pair of socks for one whole week do you need some money wait why would you do that you don't want to change it doesn't i don't want to do laundry ship station hey you guys the best time to prepare for growth is before the opportunity arrives, especially for online businesses.
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Visit shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and type in code BADFRIENDS. Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp.
Bobby and I have talked about BetterHelp on this show many times. We're both big, big pushers of mental health help and mental health awareness.
I do believe that your brain can stay in problem- mode when faced with a challenge in life. It's tough to train it to do that.
But when you learn to find your own solutions, there's no better feeling. And a therapist can help you become a better problem solver, making it easier to accomplish your goals, no matter how big or small they are.
Talking to someone helps. I don't care what level you're at of finding out about yourself, but I got to tell you, speaking with someone definitely helps clear your mind and help you move forward in life to get through stuff or just to keep the train moving along if you're thinking about giving therapy a try better help is a great option it's convenient accessible affordable and it's entirely done on the internet wherever you are you can do it you can get matched with a therapist after filling out a brief survey and switch to therapist any time you want when you want to be a better problem solver therapy can get you there visit betterhelp.com slash bad friends today get 10 off your first month that's betterhelp.com slash bad friends can i tell you something i just buy more socks this is new those are new socks yeah dude i like new socks so much when i'm traveling and on tour.
I will bring three pairs of socks for one day. One for the plane, one for when I go to work out, and then one for when I go to the show.
I have to change socks. You don't like the feeling of new socks? I don't really care.
Okay, but when you take them off there for a long day, they're not like yucky and... No? No.
Huh. Jules.
Smell your feet right now. This is new.
Yeah, but just smell your raw foot. What are we talking? Nothing.
Nothing. Maybe Filipinos' feet don't stink.
Yeah, I don't think so. White people's feet stink.
Yeah, Bobby's feet stink really bad. Yeah, he's got that kind of white guy in him a little bit.
That's the San Diego one. Howie feet.
That's howie. Yeah.
That is. Whose feet do you think stink the most out of the crew? Out of you guys? Who do you think? For real.
Out of the whole crew? I can. George.
George. See, my instinct is George, but I got to tell you something.
Something says Carlos might have some stanky ass feet. Oh, interesting.
I should know this. I am his lover after all.
Well, you guys, yeah. I was just going to say, this tryst that's been going on between you guys is just, look, I approve just because, you know, everybody loves a good mixed baby.
So at least he's not a normal. Maybe Mexipino.
Mexipino. Yeah, because he's not.
Or Philly Max. Cuter.
Philly Max. You got to name him Philly Max.

You know, it took this long to realize that Will and Jada named their kids Jaden and Willow

after them.

The internet just did a whole thing on it.

And I literally did the same thing you just did.

I was like, I guess I never thought about that.

I don't know.

He's making a comeback, by the way.

Will Smith is?

Do you see what he's doing?

Do you see the movie he's doing? Holy shit. Is this a way for him to come back and not have anything be said about him at all things called emancipation all is forgiven i don't give a fuck if you hit chris rock i gotta tell you that's amazing i'd love to be a part of something like this but i just know that they're just gonna cast me as that guy you know what i mean i say well i want to be part of a movie.
I'm gonna be the crazy racist white guy. It's like, you not belong here, boy.
Right there. My grandma was a redhead.
Was she really? Mm-hmm. Son of a bitch.
You got any red blood in you, baby? No. I know, I can tell.
That's straight jungle out there, baby. There's no ginger.
Show the video video to Kalilah I want her to see this this is very funny so let me give some preface to this this is a local news station local news is always great fodder it's always good fodder not local here this is Texas sorry it's Halloween time almost and boy know, the goblins and ghouls are out. And this lady is both of those things.
Go ahead. A worst case scenario is that you unleash hell on your kids and in your home.
Jamie Gooch is a mother of three and the owner of Gooch Family Farm, Detroit. I love everything to do with house and home.
I believe everything starts here. It grieves me the thought of exposing our kids to darkness.
The whole movie is based on witches harvesting children for blood sacrifices. Hocus pocus.
Classic. these people live and you've got to give i hope the big stone comes soon you've got to give her a break oh it must not be a kit kat is that what you're talking about it can't have been easy growing up with a last name gooch yeah that's true fucking go.
Fucking Gooch. Goochie Cooch.
There's something that I realized. This woman is evil, by the way.
For sure. And I can tell you a clear cut sign is that she rarely blinks.
Yes. When people don't blink, I'm like, how? How? Like what demonic force is allowing your eyes to stay open when the wind is blowing? Go back and let's just go from the beginning.
Turn off the volume. Let's just see how many times if she blinks.
She's a redhead? Yeah. No, she's not.
This right here. Holding tight.
Pause it on the fam. Gotta love the Gooch's.
Well, Gooch to the left is going to be a cutie, I think. Yeah, but Gooch.
yeah he might but i gotta tell you something daddy gooch this is what happened look take this the wrong way if you want to america this is what happens when you stay at home and you got nothing going on and you're focusing too much on stuff that doesn't mean anything no offense, I don't think she does anything all day. She may have a job.
I highly fucking doubt it, because she said the house and home is her only focus, and you got to know she spent too much time, and after the house is cleaned, and the kids are fed, and they're off to school, and Papa Gooch is off selling fucking insurance. He's slinging that fucking life insurance.
She's at home. She's cooked everything.
She's cleaned everything. She's sad.
The wine is gone. And now she's focusing on what's infiltrating house and home.
Hocus Pocus 2. The evils of Disney Plus.
Good for her, dude. You know these people also hated Moana because you know.
Well, we know. look i don't think princesses i think princesses can be brown i'm just saying i don't think they are brown that's what i mean that what i meant was like the same argument about fucking little mermaid being black i'm the biggest little mermaid fan like i know not just all the songs i know every word from beginning to end do you really i can recite the whole thing i've got who's it's and what's it's galore thingamabobs i got 20 20 but who cares no big deal i want more what a good movie by the way also a redhead right also redhead and by the way keep her red that's why i Black Mermaid.
Keep her red. But she does have red hair.
Keep her white and red. So stupid.
We should be more concerned with them drawing penises in the castles that they used to do. Remember that? And the priest getting a boner.
Yeah. Do you know about this? No.
Do the penis castle for the Little Mermaid cover. This is like one of the most classic things on planet Earth.
The original animators drew a penis

in the original artwork of the castle. Look at that

cock, right? They do like subliminal

stuff, right? Yeah, the sex.

The priest gets a boner. Do the priest get

a boner? Show that image.

In the middle of them getting married on the boat, the priest is

fucking rock hard. Because a little

boy, I think, walks by in front of him moments before.

So there they are getting married on the boat. Right, they're trying to stall the wedding.
Right. Oh, as the sun's going down.
Before the sun sets on the third day. That's right.
There it was. Look at the priest's legs.
When you look here you see it it's very subtle hold on let it play out because I bet they'll show there it is oh my god you're right that's disgusting why would they make him have a boner but I get it she does look hot there well priests are horny yeah they don't get the. These guys don't get to fuck unless it's somebody's kids.

Bad people, priests.

Not all of them, just almost all of them.

They had a campaign, not all priests.

It just did not do well.

What do you think about Kanye's White Lives Matter shirt, Jules?

What do you think?

Did you see it?

I saw a bit of a clip on TikTok.

Because you're anti-whites.

We've talked about it on the show.

You know this, right?

She hates whites.

and we'll see. We are pro your hate for whites.
And what do you feel about this? Now, do you hate Kanye? I think, yeah. Yeah, you do.
I think I really liked what Charlamagne said about it. It was – what Charlemagne said was actually extremely, like, it was extremely well said.
It was like everything he said, I was like, mm-hmm, that's a good point. Mm-hmm, that's a good point.
Like everything he said beat by beat was really, really good. Because I think that, you know, he cycles in and out of his seasons, Kanye does.
But there's, you know, several times, like some seasons, he really does seek white validation. 100%.
That's why he plays this game. That's Candace fucking Owens.
You know who that is, right? Yes, of course. She's a Republican political pundit.
But what I find interesting is that, you know how he made a big fuss about Adidas and all of these brands allegedly sort of like stealing his work and profiting but there is a small um um designer who apparently he stole all of like the creative stuff from who's not getting a lot of the credit didn't they sue him too or or went away i mean something happened where like he got into a or he or he or they um settled out of court or something like that for stealing some of the designs here's the biggest problem think about the little asian kid that made that shirt that's what i'm more concerned about these white lives matter shirt they're being made by little tiny jewels little rudy's your little sister your little your little mouth v sister what's her name isa isa. What's really sad is that Jules is just now getting into older Kanye albums.

Ugh.

It's so good.

Yes, it is.

So good.

It almost makes up for all this kind of stuff.

It's just like when you see White Lives Matter, I go,

what are you doing?

This guy's an idiot.

Then you go back and listen to College Dropout,

and you're like, you better believe it's fucking worth all that stuff.

College, what album do you like the most? I think college dropout yeah it's so fucking good there's a serial killer in stockton right now yeah are you serious i didn't think serial killers were a thing anymore stockton serial killer everything we know and don't know so far how many people has a guy killed? Six? Whoa! Six is a lot.

Who was killed?

35-year-old Paul Alexander Yao, 43-year-old Salvador William, at least he's being diverse in his murders, 21-year-old Jonathan Hernandez Rodriguez. Oh, there is a theme.
Yeah, there is. Juan Cruz and Lorenzo Lopez, and God bless the dead.
God rest the dead. Sorry about that.
That's disgusting. So this guy, the 46 year old black woman is the only known survivor of the shooting.
Oh, he's shooting people. That's not a serial killer.
That's insane. Yeah.
I feel like that's not a very clever way to. Yeah.
A gun is a cop out. By the way, do you see all the fucking heat that, that, uh, uh, whatchamacallit's getting from the LGBTQ community? Um, Dah dommer why they're pissed because it was in netflix's subcategory as lgbtq plus oh shit yeah and they got fucking livid about it not crime and they were like why are you sexualizing this guy homophobic hypocrisy and differing reactions to yeah netflix uh resurrects dommer triggering criticism by the way have you guys seen it i haven't yet it's fucking awesome it's this kid evan peters give whatever he want give him all of it what he was manson right he did manson wait did he do manson and um american horror story oh right isn't that what he did did yeah I'm almost positive this guy's fucking dude

he's awesome

oh yeah I love him

and look at how ambiguous

he looks

he looks like he could be

everybody and nobody

he looks like a little bit

like Jesse

Eisenberg

Eisenberg a little bit there

there he looks like a guy

I played high school

basketball with

and the bottom one

he looks like the guy

and there he looks like

a sexy

sexy

serial killer

they did buff him up too

when he takes his shirt off

do Evan Peters

shirtless Dahmer

but Dahmer

I don't know. he looks like the guy.
And there he looks like a sexy sexy serial killer. They did buff him up too when he takes his shirt off.
Do Evan Peters shirtless Dahmer. But Dahmer was not buff.
No. I thought he was kind of scrawny.
No he was actually kind of a good sized guy. That's why he was able to hold down all these other victims.
Oh. Look at him up there.
Yeah. No that's not it.
That's not it. That's not it.
Go to one of the frames up top from Dahmer. Look at that.
Hey. Oh, Rudy.

See?

He's hot.

Yeah, he is hot.

Yeah.

So the guy on the left is a guy that was jogging.

That's not him.

That's not him.

There you go.

There he is.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Hate to say it, but it's young.

Do you hate to say it though?

Hmm.

I'd let him kill me.

Stop it.

That's awful i mean we're more his type than you because i think he liked um southeast asians that's not your black men mostly black men oh but definitely like um minority i guess you're closer to a black man than me yeah of course you kind of look like a no, my mom, like Filipinos, right? Like in the mountainous regions before Spanish colonization, we called him before his people destroyed my land. Don't shake your fucking head at what your people did, you scumbag.
Before education, before- Whoa, this guy's a bad person, turns out. Before we enslaved your people and gave you books, is that what you tried to say, you pig? I was so proud to tell him when we got to the Philippines.
I'm like, do you know that this is where Magellan died? Oh, where he was slaughtered. Yeah.
Scumbag. How did they kill him? I hope they killed him slow.
Oh, it was like this. So I'll tell you exactly how they killed Magellan.
So it was actually in the water. So the Spanish fleet would come in and they would try to, you know, walk on very shallow water to get to the land.
And so these men would hold their breaths underwater. And when the men would try to walk on the water, they would like emerge from the water and just...
So dope. That's so fucking dope.
Magellan, you got goth. By a little breath-holding Filipino.
Little. Like Lapu-Lapu was like four foot five.
I got you, Magellan. He had to jump up, grab him, and then throw his throat, right? Yeah.
Can you imagine? He's like, trying to get this little tiny Filipino off his back. What does a Filipino little person look like?

That's got to be almost non-existent.

Like an LP Filipino?

No, we have a lot.

An LPP?

Yeah, it's just...

You down with LPP?

Yeah, you know me.

Yeah, just like a regular little person.

No, they got to be shorter.

There's no chance they're not smaller.

Look at how tiny most of your people are.

Oh my God, it's like a collector's item. It's like a wedding cake topper.
That's so cute. That's like one of my bobblehead guys.
That's like what you get at a baseball game. It's little person Filipino collector's night.
I, you know what? I hate to say this or brag about my country, but we have way cuter little people. Your little people are very cute.
Zoom in on these two,vable items. By the way, and this is back when, you're talking about, this is a time period you can tell from how old this is.
This is back when people in general weren't that good looking. It's like you go back in time, there's way more hotter people now than there's ever been and there will be exponentially as time grows.
You go back in the books, almost nobody was good looking. Like what year is that say on there?

I think it's because they were-

What?

1914.

1914.

Go, okay, Google photos right now

of like average family in 1914

and look at how fucking ugly

these people are going to be.

You just go with Google image,

let's see what the average family in 1914.

Look at the fuck,

look at how wretched these people are. Horr are horrific look at that little girl down on the right look at how ugly that kid is i'd leave that outside not bringing that in wait a second this is what the average people look like horrific people but don't you think it's because of like vitamin deficiencies and all right now you're making fun of whites.
I understand. I know what you're doing.
No, it's also because we just didn't know how to care for ourselves at all. At all.
Look at that. You ate until you died.
You ate and drank whatever you could. But I mean, in some cultures, more meat really was the beauty standard.
Right. The fatter you were, the better you were.
Yeah. Look at all these kids.
Look at the mama. By the way, she's 19, that mother.
That's what a 19-year-old woman looked like in 1914. Where do farts go when you hold them in? Because I held one in today, and I'm not kidding, my eyes hurt.
Yeah. Well, I used to do that a lot when I was working at Abercrombie folding clothes I would squat down and I don't know why I like the image of you folding t-shirts just like like Klyla just holding it a fart like get the fuck out of here get the fuck out of here I'm folding this shirt well I'm not a crop duster not my vibe.
Really? No, like I don't like to ruin people's days like that. So I would, it would bubble up to my kidneys and I would have extreme flank pain and I could barely walk home because I had to walk home after work.
And I remember just like always just being in pure suffering when I'd hold them in. So they go somewhere, probably at your eyeballs at some point.
Because it hurt the back of my eyes hurt. I held one in so deep and it just hurt my, it just was so uncomfortable.
When you block a fart from escaping, some of the gas can pass through your gut and be reabsorbed into your bloodstream. You got fart blood.
From there, it can end up being exhaled through your lungs, coming out of your mouth via exhaling. So you can actually burp a fart.
Is that why bad breath happens? That's exactly what it is. You've been burping a lot of farts in this room sometimes.
I always hold my fart in school. That's why I have so many problems.
Babe, you gotta let it out. Yeah, or else it's gonna come out your mouth.
But it's gonna be smelly. I know, but would you rather have a smelly burp mouth or be in such excruciating pain that you're probably hurting your insides.
Smelly mouth. Okay.
See what I mean? I can't believe you can fart out of your mouth. Yeah.
Tell you something, I'm farting right now. Oh, that was such a polite one.
That's most of my farts. It's almost like so more unattractive than a...

Yeah, it was too cute.

Well, I held it and I just squeezed.

My farts make the onomatopoeia of like a town in the Philippines.

Doesn't that sound like a town from where you're from?

Yeah.

My farts always have a name of a town from the philippines door dash hey you got back-to-back meetings errands to run and shorts to take care of what's the secret to clearing your to-do list a little help from door dash we've talked about door dash so much on this show bobby uses it i use it bobby loves to use it when he's out of los angeles because he gets freaked out and he doesn't want to go to a restaurant and he doesn't know what to do or where to go. So he does DoorDash.
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When Andreas got these wigs,

he was like,

this is for the thumbnail.

Okay. You have your hairnet.
I got to cut the hairnet, right? Do I work in a cafeteria? Honestly, you look like, you still look like a woman. Is that a woman's hair that you guys bought? Is that a chick wig? Uh-uh.
Why the hairnet? Why is he wearing a hairnet? Oh, take that off. You don't need to wear a hairnet.
Why? I'm hairy. All right, you're hairy.
I get it. It's my dad's middle name.
Look at what you've, isn't that wild? Oh my God. What is this? It doesn't really, it looks.
I look like a Henrietta. Yes!

Oh my God, you do look like Henrietta.

You look like a woman from the 50s,

like a housewife from the 50s.

This is like a housewife,

like a pretty little boxes on the hilltop.

Okay.

All right, here we go.

All right, a long silence.

You realize, of course,

that we can never be friends.

What do you mean? Okay, we'll do it again.

Sorry.

Let's do it again.

You realize, of course, that we can never be friends. What do you mean?

What I'm saying,

and this is not a come on

in any way, shape, or form, is that

men and women can't be friends.

The sex part always gets in the way. That's not true.
I have a number of there's no sex involved no you don't yes i do no you don't yes i do you only think you do you're saying i'm having sex with those men without my knowledge i know i'm saying they all want to have sex with you they do not they do too they do not do too how do you know because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive he always wants to have sex with her know? Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive.

He always wants to have sex with her.

You're saying a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

No, you pretty much want to have sex with them too.

What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Doesn't matter.

The sex thing is already out there.

So the friendship is ultimately doomed.

And that's the end of the story.

Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.

I guess not.

It's too bad.

You were the only person I knew in New York. Aww.
What do we think about that? There can be platonic friendships. I'm a big fan of platonic friendships.
Of course. Well, we're friends.
I know, but it's- But we've had sex. Wait, I really do not want to believe this, but there are people who really think that it's an impossibility to be attractive and have male friends that don't want to fuck.
It's probably easier to be friends with men and women if you are not attracted to each other. It's much easier.
Some of my best friends are men. That are good looking? Yeah, decent looking.
Do you find them attractive? No, but I'm starting to think if like, I wonder sometimes if I just like said,

hey, would you like what they would say? They'd say yes. Should we try? Yeah.
I think we should

and they will and they will say yes. I don't want to believe that.
But I know that. Okay that okay so if you don't want to believe it don't ask because they're going to say yes yeah that would ruin a friendship they're going to be like if you want to the problem with men is men may find a platonic relationship with someone that they know is attractive but you know they just kind of section it off but the moment that the woman's like I think I would like to have sex with you a man is like absolutely it's like in our fucking dna to be like yeah fuck i get the fuck a thing that's great should we test out this theory should i call a friend i think so i think maybe is it a friend that you're okay to lose i don't know maybe okay if it doesn't work out the phone call doesn't work out that's fine boy oh boy I'm excited it's a friend Jules Jules we have friends does it look funnier in this wig when I do stuff like that ready get closer to the mic Jules alright let's hear this I can't do it I just realized as soon as he was causing no no i can't do that as you were about to do it i was like this is gonna be insane but i do want i kind of want to i kind of want to hear you can't what you should do for your own home test take home homework text him and go have you thought about fucking me just like that you know what however you guys usually communicate but then get to the point of being like you gotta be honest tell me if you've thought about fucking me because i want to see if that because that will be the gauge if he says um i mean no but why then he wants to fuck you but if he says no right away if it's no right away yeah it's probably he probably was you.
But if he says no right away, if it's no right away,

it's probably,

he probably is like,

no.

But if he says anything,

well,

anything like that,

he wants to fuck you.

Okay,

that's good to know.

You don't have any guy friends

because you're with a boyfriend now.

Yeah.

How's that going?

Fine.

She's going to downplay it so much

because I know her.

She's in love, huh?

She accidentally.

Say it.

Shut up.

You shut your mouth.

Because she's always like, you know, she always tries to play.

You know, when you're young, you try to play it cool.

Yeah, play it cool.

You want to tell anyone how in love you are.

But she accidentally texted me instead of her boyfriend.

Oh, my God.

What did it say?

And I'm like, Jewel.

What did it say?

It was like with a lot of A's in it.

Shut up.

That's the first part.

That's the first part.

Even the first part, it was like, babe, with like 18 A's.

Put it up on the screen.

I'm kidding.

Relax.

Put it up on the screen.

Relax.

So you said, babe.

And then what did you say?

You say it, otherwise we're going to say it.

I forgot.

I forgot.

I swear.

Was it anything gross?

No, no, no.

But it was definitely sweet.

It was like, babe, I miss you so much.

Along those lines.

But if you ask her about it, she's always going to be very dismissive.

Like, he's good.

He doesn't know about the show, right?

He knows.

But he doesn't know you're on it or listen to it.

He has.

I'm sorry.

He says he doesn't listen.

He probably doesn't.

Every single episode.

Impossible.

Every second of every episode he has watched.

What's his name?

I could promise you that.

We don't say his name.

His name is?

George.

Barabadook. Is he a Filipino? Yeah.
Oh, right. One of the good ones.
Is he one of the languages that you guys speak or the other guy? No. He knows Tagalog.
Oh, he does? You know, thanks for, thanks for coming on the show. I love how when I left the house, I was like, Jules, you coming with me to Bad Friends? She was half asleep.
She's like, nope. You don't like coming here anymore? I thought it was Thursday.
Were you excited about Thursday? Yeah. You're getting too old for this show, huh? You're growing out of this show.
You know what this show is like? This is like mom and dad want to play game night. And you used to be like, no, it's fun.
And now you're like, I don't want to play fucking Chutes and Ladders anymore. Oh, you guys call it Chutes and Ladders? How lame.
What is it called? Snakes and Ladders. That's the Filipino version.
Of course it is. Wait, was it Chutes and Ladders? Yeah.
Yeah, Chutes and Ladders. Oh, no, we had snakes.
I know you did. Snakes and ladders, by the way.
Snakes and trees. Yeah, snakes and climb a tree.
To get away from enemy, you must climb tree for half a game. No, shoots.
Give me pull-up snakes and fucking. Why shoots? Yeah, what's shoots? Shoots or slide.
Slides and ladders is what it should have been called. But it's shoots and ladders, man.

Oh, shoots maybe like C-H-U-T-E?

Shoots and ladders, yeah.

Yeah, shoots and ladders.

Yeah, that's not what we had.

Can you look up snakes and ladders?

Yeah, it said discontinued.

There, see, snakes and ladders.

Snakes and ladders.

Oh, thank God. Wait, zoom in.
That's not the same game That's not the same game It's the same It's the same You roll the dice You move forward If you land on a snake You fall back down If you land on a ladder You climb It's the same You've been landing on a lot of snakes lately Zoom in on that one.

Could you ever be a sugar daddy?

Could I just give someone money without even getting anything in return?

No, but like the-

I could be a sugar baby.

If an older lady wanted to pay me

just to be her little like flirt boy.

Yeah.

And be like, come clean my pool,

but no touchy, no sucky, no licky, no fucky.

Yeah. But what about once a month? What doy, no licky, no fucky.
Yeah.

But what about once a month?

What do I got to do?

Go down on her.

Nah.

I don't want to eat that old fucking bag.

Easier to, you know what?

I clear it with my wife.

I'd easier be able to, she'd probably let me just fuck her than go down on her.

She's like, just fuck the old bag and just so we can get some more money from her.

But it depends on how much. It's not worth it if it's, you you know it's got to be a good amount of money for me to just an extra three million a year you got it i wouldn't even think fucking twice i'm eating the box for three that's great but then i just gotta hang i would i'd be a little sugar baby for some older woman who's like sad her husband left her or her husband died and He's like, I just got to hang out.
I would, I'd be a little sugar baby for some older woman. Who's like sad.
Her husband left her or her husband died. And she's like, I just, I just want someone young around to just kind of fucking pound me once a week.
I'd do it. Yeah.
I would do it. But also see what's where we get convoluted is I'd feel bad because I know she's emotionally sad.
See, because I know the woman that's seeking that, there's something else there. The man that's seeking the sugar, he's just a fucking pervy dude.
Guys are just pervy, empty fucking cum buckets. We're just gross.
We're just nasty animals. Poisonous frogs.
Yep, we are. Yeah, I always feel like once you drain that poison, once you guys jerk off, you're so much nicer.
We so much nicer we're different we transform meanwhile while you guys come you're still assholes even bigger assholes yeah it's like the poison bruise it's like when you're flipping the fucking the clip this is just like the poison like bubble bubble toil and trouble wait till I come you'll all go down I can't believe I'm still wearing this fucking wig alright I gotta go I love you thank you so much for coming on the show Jules also neat that you came I know I give you shit but you know you're a bad friend for fucking life and shout out to honey shout out to honey honey Jules' mom shout out to motherfuckingucking Honey. Honey is the shit.
We love you, Honey. You're the best.
And what's a Filipino phrase I can say to Honey? Ayu ayu. Ayu ayu.
Ayu ayu. Ayu ayu.
What does that mean? Like, be well. Like, take care.
Ayu ayu te. Ayu ayu te.
That means like older sister. Aw.
What is Honey? What would Honey? But Honey to me is just one of the homies. Like how do you say like, like miss you dog? How do you say that? So much, too much.
It's formal. It's formal.
Give me like what the kids would say when they're like, what do you say to friends when you say goodbye to friends that you're not going to see for a long time in the Philippines? You go home, you see them, and you leave, and you're like, all right, bye, guys. I'll fucking...
Sigi-bye. Sigi-bye.
Sigi-bye. That's just goodbye? Not emotional people down there, huh? All right, honey.
Sigi-bye. Hey, Andrew, before we go, do you want to tell our audience about our podcasting course? A lot of you guys have been DMing us and emailing us and asking us,

how do we produce a podcast?

Well, Seven Equis is doing just that

at the helm of the boys that help produce this show,

Trash Tuesday and Tiger Belly.

They're going to teach you how to do the ins and outs

of setting up the cams and plugging in the cords

and peck peck pecking at the computer

to figure out how to edit this thing

and make it beautiful and lovely and wonderful.

So you can learn more about the boot camp

that's going to be happening in Los Angeles, California

at Seven Equis in January.

That's right, guys.

If you're going to be like Pete and me and George,

well, nobody wants to be like George,

but if you want to be like Pete and me,

go to sevenequis.com and sign up for that course in January

and I'll see you guys there.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Yay! Oh, nice. Woo! and sign up for that course in January and I'll see you guys there.
Thank you for being a bad friend.

How many times do you change your panties, Jules?

Oh, I change it every time.

Every time. Every time?

What's the time?

Like two hours. Yeah, her and I are pretty- Wait a minute.
You change your panties every two hours? We shower like two, three times a day too. What? Yeah, it's island folk.
Wait a minute. Your socks? No, but your panties so much? Yeah.
Split the difference. I only change, like I even wear clothes for like almost a week.
She doesn't have BO though. I know, but come on.
Wait a minute. Your panties every fucking two hours.
What do you have to set an alarm? No. So every two hours you literally take off your underwear and put on new underwear.
Yeah, because I feel dirty. What the fuck? Okay, can I just tell you what it's like? You do this too? I'll tell you why.
It's because once you've had discharge and you pull it down and a cold breeze blows over it, when you put it back on, it's like, now it's like wet and cold, like, goop. I'm going to call my wife.
But look at, this is Andres fancy trying balut for the first time.

Are you eating balut right there?

It's just egg.

It's just egg.

It's just egg.

I don't know.

I have more hair than fucking egg.

Do you though?

Yeah.

That's your little sister.

Are you smoking?

Ready, guys?

Ready?

Ready?

One, two, three.

No, he's trying balut. Oh, look at that fucking face.
That's a joke. That's so good.
I've had this so many times, but this is way more fresh than this thing. It shaves me out.
It tastes way more fresh. Drag me inside.
Did you like it, fans? There you go. It's so good.
Oh, look. You bit the face.
I bit the face. I know.
Are you guys doing this from like a, was this you guys doing Tiger Belly from like the inside of a shop? Yeah, her mom's store. I got some brand, dude.
Hey, camera, look. Fancy.
Wait, so that's your little sister right there? Yeah. Does she still live in the Philippines? Yeah.
Is she going to come to the States with you? I don't know. Does she want to be here or no? I think so.
She's been here. Yeah.
But I mean, live here. Look at fancy.
Jules, how do you feel seeing your mom's store? It's kind of wild. Yeah, I miss it.
Did you used to work there? Sometimes, yeah. Oh, that's so sweet.

How cute.

A tiny little store.

And that little piece of bread there with the red inside of it, we call that burikat.

Burikat.

And it means prostitute.

No.

Prostituta.

Wait, really?

Why is bread with red a hooker?

It's so wet.