Bobby's Replacement

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Speaker 2 Hey, bad friends! I am going to be playing New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve shows in Boston, Massachusetts, December 30th and 31st. Go to AndrewSantino.com.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be playing the Wilba Theater. I'm so excited to be in Boston, you guys.
I'm so happy to be playing New Year's Eve and New Year's Eve Eve on the 30th and 31st in Boston.

Speaker 2 So go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets, andrewsantino.com for tickets. Also, look at this.
We restocked Bad Friends shirts. Look at this.
Some of the highest-demand Bad Friend shirts.

Speaker 2 That's me and Bobby talking closely. And then this is also the Bad Friends mug faces.
You guys loved them. We ran out of them, so now we restock them.

Speaker 2 So they should be on the merch bar down below, or it's in the link. The bio will be in the link to go get those bad friends shirts.

Speaker 2 Pick them up and come see me this New Year's Eve and Eve Eve in Boston, Massachusetts, AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 You two are something. We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Welcome back to Splitting Up Together, three of the best castmates on earth. Once again, it is the return of the

Speaker 2 mole woman. Oh, wait, yeah, let it play out, Pete.
That's the way to do it. What is that? Hey, girl.

Speaker 2 Is that a new girl, I mean? New girl. New girl.
Welcome back to everyone's favorite podcast, Splitting Up Together, featuring Rudy Jules and the one and only Kalila Ku

Speaker 2 sitting in the hot seat. seat today is Kalila Kuhn you know

Speaker 3 my last name is not that's not how you say it Kalila Koon

Speaker 2 is it really Kalila Kud how do you say your last name

Speaker 2 Kalila Kuhn

Speaker 2 so much better that way isn't it no ah Rudy Rudy wasn't here on time we were here 15 minutes ago Rudy forgot that it was Bad Friends Day she's gonna blame fancy bee is that true?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because I thought he said Thursday.

Speaker 4 Your test.

Speaker 2 Your text. Yeah, no, I think the original way you said it.
Check your test.

Speaker 2 Check your test, please. Please check your test.

Speaker 3 And then he texted me again yesterday, and I thought he changed it to 8 p.m. Thursday.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 But it's Wednesday, 8 p.m.

Speaker 2 8 p.m. Wednesday.
You know what?

Speaker 4 I found

Speaker 4 a better you in the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Really? Who?

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's like, you know, it looks like you, but she's way cooler.

Speaker 2 It looks like you, it talks like you, it walks like you.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Is this a woman that you've fallen in love with? So you're leaving your wife for a woman you met in the Philippines?

Speaker 3 I don't know who it is.

Speaker 3 It's her little sister.

Speaker 2 Oh, is that your little sister? Oh, Rudy. And is she doing the eat pussy thing? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't think that's okay.

Speaker 2 How old is she? 14. Yeah, let's not.
That's not okay for her to zoom in on that. She looks just like you.
That's so wild. You guys have the same.

Speaker 2 what is it, the thing? You know that people can point out if it's the eyes or the mouth or the nose.

Speaker 2 It's nose-mouth. It's right here.
It's just a little nose-mouth. This little part right here is the most alike.

Speaker 2 Do the pussy eat thing with your... Look at me.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's your little sister.

Speaker 2 Peas in a pod. She's 14 years old, so fancy.

Speaker 4 Yeah, she's smarter than Jules.

Speaker 2 Is she really? Yeah.

Speaker 3 She's a genius.

Speaker 2 Is she really?

Speaker 3 She taught herself Japanese over the pandemic. She's like fluent in Japanese now.
She's just, she's one of those girls that is just so switched on.

Speaker 3 She talks about her gay awakening in like a really just like

Speaker 3 matter-of-fact

Speaker 2 way.

Speaker 3 She's she, they.

Speaker 3 She's, she hasn't determined her pronouns yet, but she says that she is, she's talked about her gay awakening.

Speaker 2 Wow. Pull this closer.
I can't hear you that way. Sorry.

Speaker 2 Hang on, my Rudy today. You are.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Get closer to the mic. God, man, you brown people, it's hard to control.
Wait, so she has a gay awakening. She doesn't know if she's a, she, she's not a, she doesn't know her pronouns.

Speaker 2 Is that what it is?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't, she hasn't figured that out.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What are your pronouns?

Speaker 3 She, her.

Speaker 3 What are yours?

Speaker 2 Eh.

Speaker 2 Everybody sees me and goes, ugh. Eh.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 The big cheese. The big cheeto.
I don't,

Speaker 2 I'm going to call to, I'm going to call to him. I'm going to call to him.
But I refuse to like when people put it in their emails or any of that stuff. That drives me nuts.

Speaker 3 I have to do that in college already.

Speaker 2 I know, because you're in a liberal, bullshit college. College is making people do stuff like that now, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You got to say, do you, when you introduce yourself to the class, you have to say your pronouns?

Speaker 3 And even on Zoom, you have to put it on your name. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But if you don't put it,

Speaker 2 who cares?

Speaker 3 No, but it's just, they say it, like when the teacher says, if you want, just put it. It's better.

Speaker 3 Oh, so it's just a a suggestion. It's not a requirement.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. I mean, the world is.
Look, there's a woman running for Orange County Congress. Just to bring up a picture of Michelle Steele.
I don't know if you know this woman.

Speaker 2 The one thing she hates the most. What do you think it is that Michelle Steele, the Korean immigrant running for Orange County Congress? What do you think Michelle Steele hates the most?

Speaker 2 Let me think. I'll give you both one guess.

Speaker 3 Koreans.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, she loves Koreans. What do you think she hates? Filipinos.
China. She hates China.
Oh, yeah. She did a whole commercial on how much she doesn't like China.

Speaker 2 She's like, we must stop China.

Speaker 3 I always thought I wanted a Chinese husband.

Speaker 2 Did you really? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Shoot for the moon.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 My God.

Speaker 2 Shoot for the moon.

Speaker 2 A Chinese husband? Why?

Speaker 3 Because I have a lot of like Korean friends that are female. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 the hush-hush. Watch this.
Oh, fuck. Did nobody tell you? Nobody told you you have lipstick on your teeth?

Speaker 3 I couldn't see. You bitch.
Jules, even if you saw it, you wouldn't tell me.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's the most fucked-up shit. She's fucked up.

Speaker 2 You know, you saw lipstick on her teeth.

Speaker 2 I didn't see. You're a liar.
You're a bad girl.

Speaker 3 Also, Jules, like, knowing that I'm single and I need the extra help, you're not going to tell me.

Speaker 3 I will tell you if there's boogers or anything.

Speaker 2 What was just going on there? You made the decision to not tell her?

Speaker 3 I didn't see, and she was already talking, so I just.

Speaker 2 You're a little fucking scumbag, pal. Just because you're in a relationship,

Speaker 2 she's single. Let her fucking catch, and you're out there locked up, so you want, you don't want other people to prosper.
Is that what it is?

Speaker 3 No, but I thought I had monkeypox. She really did think she had it.

Speaker 2 From your boyfriend?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I was getting so much bumps, red bumps, all over my body. And I told Atikalaya's sister, and she said, go to urgent care now.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, if I had. the bumps didn't look like pustula pustular that's the word pustular pustular

Speaker 2 it didn't look like pussy I would have probably just say said like hey like look at the dogs they're all itching probably fleas right you probably just had fleas pustular is a word by the way is it this type of uh psoriasis caused reddish scaly pus-filled bumps so you have psoriasis

Speaker 3 they were not pustular oh

Speaker 2 give me no give me uh non-pustular red bumps let's see what you could have had because Google's going to be better than whatever doctors have to say. What the fuck do they know?

Speaker 2 Uh-oh. 25 causes.
So we could be in acne, was it?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 2 Cold sore? Was it herpes? Herpes. No.
Oh, it is a new boyfriend.

Speaker 3 It wasn't on my lips.

Speaker 2 Corns and calluses. No.
Skin tags.

Speaker 2 No. Which is, that's Andreas' nickname.
A nodule. No.

Speaker 2 By the way, go back up. How do you even explain a fucking nodule? If someone's like, what is it? You're like, it's like I burned myself with a lighter.
And you're like, well, how did you get it?

Speaker 2 It's like, I have absolutely no fucking idea.

Speaker 2 If that appears on your skin, don't you think you're dying?

Speaker 3 Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2 I'm thinking I'm dying. If I have a little, it looks like there's a mole underneath my skin, I think I'm dying.

Speaker 3 It just looks like a blister.

Speaker 2 But it looks like a burn blister. But if it appeared without any sort of burning, wouldn't you panic? If that's lumped, here's the deal.

Speaker 2 The proximity of a weird skin thing to your genitalia means everything. If it's on your arm, don't care.

Speaker 3 Have you never had an ingrown, like a giant ingrown close to your dick? No. Oh, God.
So girls get it all the time because we have to wax and wax and shave.

Speaker 3 And it's just the worst.

Speaker 2 So do you have a panic moment? As soon as you look down and you see that, you think, okay, well, now I've got, now I've got the herbs.

Speaker 3 Yes, all the time. I think that.

Speaker 2 I've never had an ingrown hair. Near my the only thing I talked about this today with my buddy Corey.

Speaker 2 I had one STD in college. I had mollescum.
Do you know what that is?

Speaker 2 Look it up. It's like a skin rash, but I had full-on panic attack.
Do an image of it.

Speaker 3 Is it sexually transmitted?

Speaker 2 It's a mollescum

Speaker 2 skin rash. It's like that is exactly right.
This is what you had on your arm,

Speaker 2 you little dirty bitch.

Speaker 2 This was on my pelvis. So like I said, the proximity of this to your penis.
Look at what that looks like. What do you think that is?

Speaker 3 It looks a little like syphilitic.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, that actually looks kind of more like herpes. Herpes.
That's exactly right. So it was on just my pelvis.
Wasn't on my, wasn't on my pepito. It wasn't on my pepito.

Speaker 2 It was just on the, it was on the runway. And I got to tell you, fucking, I spiraled for like three days and I was bawling.
I was crying.

Speaker 2 And I was like, I, and the girl that I had had sex with, I had used a condom, used protection. And I thought,

Speaker 2 how could this happen? I used a condom and it was on my pelvis. And I thought, what if it starts to move its way down to my wiener?

Speaker 3 Is it an actual sexually transmitted disease or it's just a skin, the skin thing?

Speaker 2 So my doctor said, after i finally got the i was scared to go in because i was scared to hear the truth so i finally went in and he was like what that's he gave me like a cream and a pill and it was gone in like i'm not kidding like the same day and he was like it's a it's a skin rash it's kind of like you know like jock itch and all that stuff and like athlete's foot and all these things he's like it's a skin fungus but it's typically transmitted sexually because it gets around this area a lot.

Speaker 2 You know what's so fucked up? This is so mean to say, but she looked like someone that would give me mollescum.

Speaker 2 If you never even even knew what it was, if someone goes, that girl gave Santina Malescum, you'd go, oh, yeah. Can I guess what she looked like? Go, please, go for it.

Speaker 3 Did she look like a Smashly? Dark hair?

Speaker 2 I think her name was Ashley. Was there really? I swear to God, I think her name was fucking Ashley.
I swear to God in my life.

Speaker 3 She has the dimples on her lower back.

Speaker 2 You better believe it.

Speaker 2 Does she have a tattoo in between them? Yeah. You better believe it.

Speaker 2 That's the thing that her generation will never have to experience is like tramp stamps and all that. They're coming back, though.
Are they?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, 100%. Girls are getting tramp stamps again.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 wow because what because you got the the thing you've stolen from our generation you guys are wearing really really baggy jeans that's our that was that was our childhood really baggy jeans and also you're stealing brands from our generation which is fucking insane to me like stusi's the biggest it's ever been what it's stusy's huge dude and do you know what this is no yeah it's back now young people like it You never seen this?

Speaker 2 When I was a kid, it was dope.

Speaker 2 Now it's cool. It's like cool again.
It's just so funny. You guys are stealing all of our shit.
Well, I hope you steal all of our dumb shit too, like lower back tattoos.

Speaker 2 I hope you guys get a little bit of that sauce. It's it's trending.
You better not get a fucking lower back tattoo.

Speaker 3 Don't do it, Jules. Also, though, they steal some elements of it, like the low-rise jeans are back, but they don't know how low we went.
Our zippers were this short.

Speaker 2 Tiny little zips.

Speaker 3 In the late 90s.

Speaker 2 Can I say that on the show? A little tiny little zips?

Speaker 3 We're both Asian, we accept.

Speaker 2 Tiny little zippers.

Speaker 2 But we did. You had low rise,

Speaker 2 and they were...

Speaker 2 The cool thing was back in the day to have your pants so low that women would sometimes wear like men boxers or like boxer brief underwear, and then they would rise above them and you could see both of them.

Speaker 2 That shit was hot.

Speaker 3 On TikTok, they have the song thing. That's a whale tail.
That's my opinion.

Speaker 2 That's a whale tail.

Speaker 3 That's thievery.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you guys are stealing. You know what the fucked up thing is about fashion? You'll see some shit.
And immediately I'm like, yeah, this is just someone took a shot.

Speaker 2 You just have to take a shot and look weird. You saw the tape girls.
Didn't you see the tape girls? Do the black tape girls. Runway models wearing only black tape.

Speaker 2 This guy fucking has tricked the world.

Speaker 2 This is insane. He went to, I don't even know, it was like, yeah, it was Miami.
These women are literally wearing electrical tape

Speaker 2 over their entire fucking body, and this like blew up in the scene. People are obsessed.
I know this girl, by the way.

Speaker 2 I personally know this person. She's worked with a friend of ours.

Speaker 2 She's a model out here in L.A., and she went down there to do this campaign.

Speaker 3 She's so hot.

Speaker 2 Her name is Zita.

Speaker 3 Yeah, this would leave me an interesting trail of eczema.

Speaker 2 Look at that.

Speaker 3 Contact dermatitis.

Speaker 2 Big time.

Speaker 2 You'd want to talk about ingrown hairs.

Speaker 2 But here's the thing. Zoom in a little bit.
How do you get that off your titties?

Speaker 2 That doesn't hurt your nipples when you're ripping tape off your tits.

Speaker 3 Girls are used to suffering, though, for the sake of fashion.

Speaker 3 That is something that we just kind of have done our whole lives because a thong is not comfortable and also the beastie yeasties you get anytime I see a girl with with a thong on I'm like oh she's rolling the dice yeah you know a beastie yeasty is right around the corner just rumbling down there oh my god and like it doesn't catch the discharge so you know it's just oozing from the side

Speaker 3 drip drop we should invent something to catch it though Like, okay, I'm okay with the thong part being really thin, but it's got to have a bigger pussy catcher or the juice catcher.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a PJC, a pussy juice catcher.

Speaker 2 Just a little cup. Well, you know, like the, I learned about the, um, I learned about the menstrual cups, menstrual cups.
Wow. I learned about this.

Speaker 2 This is, I, cupping, I thought, was something completely different.

Speaker 3 Michael Phelps gets the cup.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 That's an Olympic thing.

Speaker 2 Have you ever cupped? Have you ever done a menstrual cup?

Speaker 3 Oh, I've done both.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 3 I did old school cupping.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've done cupping on the back.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then Jules tried to teach me how to use a menstrual cup.

Speaker 2 You be cupping? Mm-hmm. Wow.

Speaker 3 And I couldn't figure out how to get it out. So I was in the cold, hard floor of my bathroom having to like birth it out.

Speaker 2 You had to, why? Because it was so

Speaker 2 attached.

Speaker 3 I had to push it out like it was a baby. I, something happened, and I'm totally scarred by it.
But all these girls, they just do it so efficiently. And I'm just not one of them.

Speaker 2 So you only be cupping.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 It's so much better for you. Tampons are like toxic.

Speaker 2 I know. I read this whole thing about tampons with the amount of bleach that's in there.
It's like really bad for you anyway.

Speaker 2 And then the women that get, if it, you know, if they stay in too long, you get,

Speaker 2 come on, what's it?

Speaker 3 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 If a

Speaker 2 toxic shock syndrome, and you can die from it, which I heard years ago when I was a kid, I think like my mom and my sister or something, that it was like, you can't do that all night.

Speaker 2 You can't leave a tampon in all night. And then as I've got older, then you read all this other stuff that they're like, it's dyed cotton.

Speaker 2 So it's like bleached cotton sitting inside of your body all day. So I get the cup, dog.
You be cupping.

Speaker 3 It's so much easier. But you have to like force

Speaker 2 it in. Yeah.
Does it make a suck noise?

Speaker 3 Yeah. And then you have to pull it to make it tight so it won't go out.

Speaker 2 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 I've just opted to free bleed.

Speaker 2 You'd be free bleeding.

Speaker 3 If I'm home and I have nowhere to be,

Speaker 2 I free bleed. Tight.
And the dogs love it. I ain't a joke.
That's too much.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. We're there already.
Because the dogs can smell it and they love it.

Speaker 3 God, I really want to show you a really bad video of my dog just going ham on my

Speaker 2 free bleed panty. So wait a minute.
They eat the panties?

Speaker 3 They like live in it.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. Show me the video.
You know what's interesting about my dog is

Speaker 2 she's...

Speaker 2 She's a girl. And when I come home, she always sniffs.
She always goes to my crotch. She wants to be up on my leg, up on my legs to bury her head in my crotch.
Never does that to my wife, ever.

Speaker 2 Never does that to her. She always wants to be down by her legs.
But when I come home, she puts her head by my crotch. And even when she's done sniffing, she'll turn her ear to it.

Speaker 2 Like she's listening. Like a cockshell.
Yeah, a little cockshell. A cockshell.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can hear all the pussy I'm not getting in the cockshell

Speaker 2 far, far away. She will, though.
She'll put her head right and she'll rest her head underneath my balls.

Speaker 2 And it's so funny because when she sleeps, when she jumps in the bed with us, oh, this is what I do want to know: when she sleeps in the bed with us, I think when she's on her period, the dog will come to my side of the bed.

Speaker 3 Your dog doesn't like your wife's panties, no,

Speaker 2 no, does not. In fact, in fact, by the way, we learn, you know, how everybody's doggy does like panties or socks or underwear, or the dogs always have like a thing.

Speaker 2 Some dogs traditionally have shoes and all that stuff. None of these things, except for dirty shorts, dirty my running shorts.

Speaker 2 If I leave them in the other room, yeah, loves because I think it's ass asshole and ball sweat, and she really likes asshole and ball sweat. She's just a pervert.

Speaker 2 Can I talk to you for a second?

Speaker 2 Don't fucking talk about my dog that way, pal. No, but she is, she likes asshole and ball sweat.
I think that she likes that smell.

Speaker 3 That, like, maybe she wants your dick.

Speaker 2 Clip it,

Speaker 2 clip it for the internet.

Speaker 2 But it is funny, she does not, she's she's not a panty dog. Both of your dogs are panty dogs? All of the dogs.

Speaker 3 But it's not just my panty, it's everyone's panty. Like, I've had people over and have lost three or four underwear to Julio.
Julio is a big culprit, but they take turns.

Speaker 3 So, like, usually Julio will go first, and when he's done, then Gobi will kind of tag him, you know, tag herself in. Here, I'm sending it to you, Fancy.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 The video.

Speaker 3 It's amazing. I'm so.

Speaker 2 Over your knee. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's so funny.

Speaker 2 after how many years, two years, I told her to pull the mic closer.

Speaker 2 Both of the Filipinos in this fucking room. By the way, thanks for the invite to the Philippines, Fancy.

Speaker 4 Well, it was such a wonderful trip. You missed, like, you know,

Speaker 4 he was a ray of sunshine.

Speaker 2 It is so funny because we texted while he was there because we were trying to organize all this shit. And

Speaker 2 I can tell Fancy got a little dose. little dose of what he did.

Speaker 3 There was one point where I was just so proud of Fancy for sticking it to Bobby and saying, you know what?

Speaker 3 You're going to need more discipline than this.

Speaker 2 Did you go for it, huh? You told him what the fuck is up?

Speaker 4 Yeah, he said he was going to stretch me

Speaker 2 after that.

Speaker 3 He's like, you want me to stretch you out?

Speaker 2 What an idiot. By the way, he's such a fucking liar.
The guy told me we were texting for a second, a second, and he said,

Speaker 2 he has food poisoning. Did he tell you this lie? Did he get food poisoning there?

Speaker 2 Fucking liar. I knew he didn't get fucking food, but no, you know.

Speaker 3 I saw Emodium at home, so I think it's true.

Speaker 2 He just had bubble guts, not food poisoning.

Speaker 2 Because you know, food poisoning lasts, food poisoning lasts.

Speaker 3 He said that on the plane, he had to get up every two minutes, but you know,

Speaker 3 he does have a very sensitive stomach

Speaker 2 to everyone. Softy tummy, yeah.

Speaker 3 Am I crazy, or is this exceptionally hard to open?

Speaker 2 Let a man do it.

Speaker 4 But I just realized that Bob is like a writer who doesn't like to write. You know, he

Speaker 2 a right, a writer who doesn't like to write.

Speaker 4 Yeah, he's like, he hates the process of making things.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he likes to have them made. Yes.
All right, let's check out this video.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. So that was a pair of panties with blood on them, and you just work out sweat.
Workouts. Oh, my God.
Rolling in it.

Speaker 2 Rolling in it.

Speaker 2 That's insane.

Speaker 3 Wait for it.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Look, he's like seizing.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, pussy. Oh, pussy.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 But you know, like every man, look what he does at the end.

Speaker 2 When he's done, when he's gotten what he needs.

Speaker 3 When he comes, look what he gets when he needs.

Speaker 2 After he's had everything he's ever gotten, he's toiled around.

Speaker 2 He's ripping it apart a little bit.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, I have so many holes on all my underwear. But I just can't, you know, they like it, so why would I?

Speaker 2 This is like a post-workout. Oh, when he's done, he just shakes it off.
Like, bye. I got to get out of here.

Speaker 3 And then the second one comes in right after.

Speaker 2 That's tag team. Yeah.
Tag team, baby.

Speaker 3 And he was like, that one's a good one.

Speaker 2 That's insane. They like it so much.

Speaker 2 That's so crazy. Is this super common? And I just don't know.

Speaker 2 Oh, look, he's taking it.

Speaker 3 She's a little bit more delicate about it. She just likes to chew.

Speaker 4 That's the cuddle.

Speaker 2 Just a lover. See, that's a lover.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just want to nibble on your little dirty panties.

Speaker 2 Imagine that's when if they ask you, they're like, can I nibble on your dirty panties? And your other dog is like, give me the

Speaker 2 fucking panties. Give them to me now.
You should sell your fucking panties to dog owners. You know how much money you would make doing that? That's your new OnlyFans.

Speaker 2 Only dogs.

Speaker 2 Only dogs with Kalila. You sell your used panties? I mean, can you imagine the amount of money?

Speaker 2 These people that are selling their used shit online, I saw a girl that sells just her fucking dirty socks. Nothing else.
No nudity, no none of that shit. She's making 20 grand a month.

Speaker 2 Does she have 20 grand a month?

Speaker 3 Name? Because that girl, the fart girl, the fart in a jar girl, she was already on 90-day fiancé.

Speaker 2 No, yeah, she was famous. This girl is a right.
This girl had been established as something else on the internet before. I see.
But even still, who the fuck is buying you socks?

Speaker 2 What are you doing with them? Oh, well, never mind.

Speaker 2 For a second, I was like, what am I talking about?

Speaker 3 I wonder what they look for. Like, is it a scent? Because I don't, I've never had smelly feet in my life.

Speaker 2 Never. Never.
Never. Okay, you work out all day long at the end of a long day.

Speaker 3 My feet feet have never and my feet sweat a lot they have never smelled what ever do you have smelly feet only when i wear my socks for a week oh

Speaker 2 well that makes perfect fucking sense yeah you wear the same pair of socks for one whole week do you need some money

Speaker 2 wait why would you do that you don't want to change it because i don't want to do laundry

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Speaker 5 Overdraft charges.

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Speaker 2 Hydro. I got it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

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Speaker 2 ShipStation. Hey, you guys, the best time to prepare for growth is before the opportunity arrives, especially for online businesses.

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Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp.

Speaker 2 Bobby and I have talked about BetterHelp on this show many times. We're both big, big pushers of mental mental health help and mental health awareness.

Speaker 2 I do believe that your brain can stay in problem-solving mode when faced with a challenge in life. It's tough to like train it to do that.

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Speaker 2 Can I tell you something?

Speaker 2 Just buy more socks. This is new.
This is new. Those are new socks? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, I like new socks so much when I'm traveling and on tour, I will bring three pairs of socks for one day.

Speaker 2 One for the plane, one for like when I go to workout, and then one for when I go to the show. I have to change socks.
You don't like the feeling of new socks?

Speaker 3 I don't really care.

Speaker 2 Okay, but when you take them off to every long day, they're not like yucky and no? No. Huh.
Jules. Smell your feet right now.

Speaker 3 This is new.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but just smell your raw foot. What are we talking? Nothing.
Nothing.

Speaker 2 Maybe Filipinos' feet don't stink.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 White people's feet stink.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Bobby's feet stink really bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's got that kind of white guy in him a little bit. That's the San Diego.
How we feet. That's how

Speaker 2 that is.

Speaker 2 Whose feet do you think stink the most out of the crew?

Speaker 2 Out of you guys. Who do you think? For real? Out of the whole crew?

Speaker 3 I can.

Speaker 2 George. George.
See, my instinct is George, but I got to tell you something. Something says Carlos might have some stanky ass feet.

Speaker 3 Oh, interesting. I should know this.
I am his lover, after all.

Speaker 2 Well, you guys, yeah, I was just going to say, this tryst that's been going on between you guys is just...

Speaker 2 Look, I approve just because, you know, everybody loves a good mixed baby. So at least he's not a normal.

Speaker 3 Maybe Mexipino.

Speaker 2 Mexipino.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because he's not.

Speaker 2 Or Philimax.

Speaker 2 Cuter. Philly Max.
You got to name him Philimax.

Speaker 2 You know, it took this long to realize that Will and Jada named their kids Jaden and Willow after them. The internet just did a whole thing on it.

Speaker 2 And I literally did the same thing you just did. I was like, I guess I never thought about that.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 He's making a comeback, by the way.

Speaker 3 Will Smith is?

Speaker 2 Do you see what he's doing? Do you see the movie he's doing? Holy shit, is this a way for him to come back and not have anything be said about him at all? Things called emancipation. All is forgiven.

Speaker 2 I don't give a fuck if you hit Chris Rock. I got to tell you, that's amazing.
I'd love to be a part of something like this, but I just know that they're just going to cast me as that guy.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? They say, well, I want to be a part of a movie. I'm going to be the crazy, racist, white guy.
It's like, you not belong here, boy. Right there.

Speaker 3 My grandma was a redhead.

Speaker 2 Was she really?

Speaker 2 Son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 You got any red blood in you, baby? No.

Speaker 2 I know, I can tell. That's straight jungle out there, baby.

Speaker 2 There's no ginger.

Speaker 2 Show the video to Kalila.

Speaker 2 I want her to see this.

Speaker 2 This is very funny. So let me give some preface to this.
This is a local news station. You know, local news is always great fodder.
You know what I mean? It's always good fodder.

Speaker 2 Not local here. This is Texas.
Sorry. But

Speaker 2 it's Halloween time almost. And boy, oh boy, you know, the goblins and ghouls are out.
And this lady is both of those things.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 3 A worst case scenario is that you unleash hell on your kids and in your home. Jamie Gooch is a mother of three and the owner of Gooch Family Farm in Troy.

Speaker 3 I love everything to do with house and home. I believe everything starts here.
It grieves me the thought of exposing our kids to darkness.

Speaker 3 This whole movie is based on witches harvesting children for blood sacrifice. Pocus.

Speaker 2 Pocus.

Speaker 2 These people vote. These people live.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 you've got to give a break. I hope the big stone comes soon.

Speaker 3 You've got to give her a break. Oh, really? It must not be easy.

Speaker 2 A Kit Kat? Is that what you're talking about?

Speaker 3 It can't have been easy growing up with a last name, Gooch.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's true. Fucking Gooch.

Speaker 2 Gucci Gooch.

Speaker 3 There's something that I realized.

Speaker 2 This woman is evil, by the way.

Speaker 3 For sure. And I can tell you,

Speaker 3 a clear-cut sign is that she rarely blinks. Yes.

Speaker 3 When people don't blink, I'm like, how?

Speaker 3 How? Like, what demonic force is allowing your eyes to stay open when the wind is blowing?

Speaker 2 Go back and let's just go from the beginning, turn off the volume. Let's just see how many times if she blinks.
She's a redhead? No, she's not. This right here.
Holding tight. Pause it on the fam.

Speaker 2 Got to love the Gucci's.

Speaker 3 Oh, Gooch to the Left is going to be a cutie, I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but an Aaron Carter type. Yes.
Yeah, he might. But I got to tell you something.

Speaker 3 Daddy Gooch.

Speaker 2 This is what happened. Look, take this the wrong way if you want to, America.

Speaker 2 This is what happens when you stay at home and you got nothing going on and you're focusing too much on stuff that doesn't mean anything because no offense, I don't think she does anything all day.

Speaker 2 She may have a job. I highly fucking doubt it because she said house and home is her only focus.
And you got to know she spent too much time.

Speaker 2 And after the house is cleaned and the kids are fed and they're off to school and Papa Gooch is off selling in fucking insurance. He's slinging that fucking life insurance.
She's at home.

Speaker 2 She's cooked everything. She's cleaned everything.
She's sad. The wine is gone.
And now she's focusing on what's infiltrating house and home. Hocus pocus too.

Speaker 2 The evils of Disney Plus. Good for her, dude.
You know, these people also hated Moana because you know. Well, we know.

Speaker 3 That tracks.

Speaker 2 Look, I don't think princesses, I think princesses can be brown. I'm just saying I don't think they are brown.
That's what I mean.

Speaker 2 What I meant was, like the same argument about fucking Little Mermaid being black.

Speaker 3 I'm the biggest Little Mermaid fan. Like, I know not just all the songs.
I know every word from beginning to end. Do you really? I can recite the whole thing.

Speaker 2 I've got who's it's and what's it's color

Speaker 2 thingamabobs I got 20. 20.
But who cares?

Speaker 2 No big deal.

Speaker 2 I want more.

Speaker 2 What a good movie. By the way, also a redhead.
Right.

Speaker 2 Also a redhead. And by the way, keep her red.
That's why I'm against the black mermaid. Keep her red.

Speaker 3 Because she does have red hair.

Speaker 2 Keep her white and red.

Speaker 2 So stupid. We should be more concerned with them drawing penises in the castles that they used to do.
Remember that? And the priest getting a boner? Yeah. Do you know about this? No.

Speaker 2 Do the penis castle for the little mermaid cover. This is like one of the most classic things on planet Earth.

Speaker 2 The original animators drew a penis in the original artwork of the castle. Look at that cock, right?

Speaker 3 They do like subliminal stuff, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 The sex. The priest gets a boner.
Do the priest gets a boner? Show that image. In the middle of them getting married on the boat, the priest is fucking rock hard.

Speaker 2 Because a little boy, I think, walks by in front of him moments before.

Speaker 2 So there they are getting married on the boat.

Speaker 3 Right, they're trying to stall the wedding.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Oh, as the sun's going down.

Speaker 3 Before the sun sets on the third day.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 Oh, there it was. Look at the priest's legs.

Speaker 2 When you look here, you see it.

Speaker 2 It's very subtle.

Speaker 2 Hold on. Let it play out because I bet they'll show.
There it is. Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 You're right.

Speaker 2 That's disgusting. Why would they make him have a boner? But I get it.
She does look hot there.

Speaker 2 Well, priests are horny. Yeah, they don't get the fuck.
These guys don't get the fuck unless it's somebody's kids.

Speaker 2 Bad people, priests. Not all of them, just almost all of them.

Speaker 2 They had a campaign, not all priests, it just did not do well.

Speaker 2 What do you think about Kanye's White Lives Matter shirt, Jules? What do you think? Did you see it?

Speaker 3 I saw some bit of clip on TikTok.

Speaker 2 Because you're anti-whites. We've talked about it on the show.
You know this, right? She hates whites, and we love that.

Speaker 2 We are pro your hate for whites.

Speaker 2 And what do you feel about this? Now, do you hate Kanye?

Speaker 2 I think, yeah. Yeah, you do.

Speaker 3 I think I really liked what Charlemagne said about it.

Speaker 2 It was super,

Speaker 2 what Charlemagne said was actually extremely,

Speaker 2 like, it was extremely well said. It was like everything he said, I was like, that's a good point.
That's a good point.

Speaker 2 Like, everything he said beat by beat was really, really good.

Speaker 3 Because I think that, you know, he cycles in and out of his seasons. Kanye does.
But there's, you know, several times, like some seasons, he really does seek white validation. 100%.

Speaker 2 That's why he plays this game.

Speaker 3 That's candace fucking owens you know who that is right she's a she's a republican political pundit but what i find interesting is that you know how he made a big fuss about adidas and all of these brands allegedly sort of like stealing his work and profiting but there is a small um um designer who apparently he stole all of like the creative stuff from who's not getting a lot of the credit didn't they sue him too or went away i mean something happened where he got into a, or he, or he, or they settled out of court or something like that for stealing some of the designs.

Speaker 2 Here's the biggest problem:

Speaker 2 think about the little Asian kid that made that shirt. That's what I'm more concerned about, these White Lives Matter shirts.

Speaker 2 They're being made by little tiny Jules, little Rudies, your little sister, your little

Speaker 2 mouth-v sister. What's her name?

Speaker 3 Issa.

Speaker 2 Issa, right.

Speaker 3 That's really sad is that Jules is just now getting into older Kanye albums. Ugh.

Speaker 2 It's so good. Yes, it is.
It's so good. It almost makes up for all this kind of con this stuff.
It's just like when you see White Lives Matter, I go, what are you doing? This guy's an idiot.

Speaker 2 Then you go back and listen to College Dropout and you're like, you better believe it's fucking, it's worth all that stuff.

Speaker 2 College, or what album do you like the most?

Speaker 2 I like College Dropout. Yeah, it's so fucking good.

Speaker 3 There's a serial killer in Stockton.

Speaker 2 Right now? Yeah. Are you serious?

Speaker 3 I didn't think serial killers were a thing anymore.

Speaker 2 Stockton Serial Killer, everything we know and don't know so far. How many people has a guy killed? Six.
Six.

Speaker 2 Whoa, six is a lot.

Speaker 2 Who was killed? 35-year-old Paul Alexander Yao, 43-year-old Salvador Williams, at least he's being diverse in his murders. 21-year-old Jonathan Hernandez-Rodriguez.
Oh, there is a theme.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there is. Juan Cruz and Lorenzo Lopez, and God bless the dead.
God rest the dead. Sorry about that.
That's disgusting.

Speaker 2 So this guy,

Speaker 2 the 46-year-old black woman is the only known survivor of the shooting. Oh, he's shooting people.
That's not a serial killer. That's insane.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I feel like that's not a very clever way to.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a gun is a cop-out. By the way, do you see all the fucking heat that

Speaker 2 whatchamacallit's getting from the LGBTQ community? Dahmer?

Speaker 2 Right. They're pissed.
Because it was in Netflix's subcategory as LGBTQ.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. Yeah, and they got fucking livid about it.
Not crime. And they were like, why are you sexualizing this guy? Homophobic hypocrisy and differing reactions to.

Speaker 2 yeah, Netflix Resurrects Dumber triggering criticism. By the way, have you guys seen it?

Speaker 3 I haven't yet.

Speaker 2 It's fucking awesome. It's

Speaker 2 this kid, Evan Peters, give whatever he want, give him all of it. What? He was Manson?

Speaker 2 Right? He did Manson.

Speaker 3 Wait, did he do Manson in

Speaker 2 American Horror Story? Oh. Right? Isn't that what he did in? Yeah, I'm almost positive.
This guy's fucking great.

Speaker 2 Dude, he's awesome. Yeah, I love him.
And look at how ambiguous he looks. He looks like he could be everybody and nobody.
He looks like a little bit like Jesse

Speaker 2 Eisenberg a little bit there. There, he looks like a guy I played high school basketball with.

Speaker 3 And the bottom one, he looks like the guy.

Speaker 2 And there he looks like a sexy, sexy

Speaker 2 serial kisser. They did buff him up, too, when he takes his shirt off.
Do Evan Peters shirtless Dahmer.

Speaker 3 But Dahmer was not buff.

Speaker 2 I thought he was kind of scrawny. No, he was actually kind of a good-sized guy.
That's why he was able to hold down all these other victims. Oh.

Speaker 2 Look at him up there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, that's not it.
That's not it. That's not it.
Go to one of the frames up top from Dahmer.

Speaker 2 Look at that. Hey.
Oh, Rudy.

Speaker 2 See? He's hot. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So the guy on the left is a guy that was jogging. That's not him.
That's not him.

Speaker 2 There you go. There he is.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 I hate to say it, but it's young.

Speaker 2 Do you hate to say it, though?

Speaker 2 I let him kill me.

Speaker 2 Stop it. That's awful.

Speaker 3 I mean, we're more his type than you because I think he liked Southeast Asians.

Speaker 2 That's not true. Black men, mostly black men.

Speaker 3 Oh, but definitely like minorities.

Speaker 2 But I guess you're closer to a black man than me. Yeah, of course.
You kind of look like a black guy.

Speaker 3 Well, no, my mom, like Filipinos, right? Like in the mountainous regions before Spanish colonization, we called them before his people destroyed.

Speaker 2 Don't shake your fucking head at what your people did, you scumbag.

Speaker 4 Before education, before.

Speaker 2 Whoa, this guy's a bad person, turns out.

Speaker 2 Before we enslave your people and gave you books, is that what you tried to say, you pig?

Speaker 3 I was so proud to tell him when we got to the Philippines. I'm like, do you know that this is where Magellan died?

Speaker 2 Oh, where

Speaker 2 he was slaughtered, yeah.

Speaker 2 Scumbag. How did they kill him? I hope they killed him slow.

Speaker 3 Oh, it was like this. So

Speaker 3 I'll tell you exactly how they killed Magellan. So it was actually in the water.
So the Spanish fleet would come in and they would try to, you know, walk on very shallow water to get to the land.

Speaker 3 And so these men would hold their breaths underwater. And when the men would try to walk on the water, they would like emerge from the water and just

Speaker 2 so dope.

Speaker 2 That's so fucking dope. Magellan, you got gathered.

Speaker 2 My little breath holding Filipino.

Speaker 3 Little, like Lapu Lapu was like four foot five.

Speaker 2 I got you, Magellan.

Speaker 2 He had to jump up, grab him,

Speaker 2 and then throw his throat, right? Yeah. Can you imagine? He's like,

Speaker 2 trying to get this little mid, fucking little tiny Filipino off his back. What does a Filipino little person look like? That's got to be almost non-existent.
Like an LP Filipino?

Speaker 3 No, we have a lot.

Speaker 2 An LPP?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's just...

Speaker 2 You down with LPP?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know me.

Speaker 3 Yeah, just like a regular little person.

Speaker 2 No, they got to be shorter. There's no chance they're not smaller.
Look at how tiny most of your people are.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, it's like a collector's item.

Speaker 3 It's like a wedding cake topper.

Speaker 2 That's so cute. That's like one of my bobblehead guys.
That's like what you get at a baseball game. It's little person Filipino Collector's Night.

Speaker 3 You know what? I hate to say this or brag about my country, but we have way cuter little people.

Speaker 2 Your little people are very cute. Zoom in on these two lovable items.
By the way, and this is back when you're talking about, this is a time period you can tell from how old this is.

Speaker 2 This is back when people in general weren't that good looking. You know? It's like you go back in time.

Speaker 2 There's way more hotter people now than there's ever been, and there will be exponentially as time grows. You go back in the books, almost nobody was good-looking.

Speaker 2 Like, what year does that say on there?

Speaker 3 I think it's because they were

Speaker 2 1914. 19 foot.

Speaker 2 Go, okay, Google, Google photos right now of like average family in 1914, and look at how fucking ugly these people are going to be. You just go a Google image.

Speaker 2 Let's see what the average family in 1914.

Speaker 2 Look at the fuck, look at how wretched these people are. Horrific.
Look at that little girl down on the right.

Speaker 2 Look at how ugly that kid is. I'd leave that outside.

Speaker 2 Not bringing that in.

Speaker 2 Wait a second. This is what the average people look like.
Horrific people.

Speaker 3 But don't you think it's because of like vitamin deficiencies?

Speaker 2 All right, now you're making fun of whites. I understand.
I know what you're doing. No, it's also because we just didn't know how to care for ourselves at all.
At all.

Speaker 2 Look at that.

Speaker 2 You ate till you died. You ate and drank whatever you could.

Speaker 3 But I mean, in some cultures, like, you know, more meat really was the beauty standard.

Speaker 2 Right. The fatter you were, the better you were.
Yeah. Look at all these.

Speaker 2 Look at the mama. By the way, she's 19, that mother.

Speaker 2 That's what a 19-year-old woman looked like in 1914.

Speaker 2 Where do farts go when you hold them in?

Speaker 2 Because I held one in today, and I'm not kidding, my eyes hurt. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, I used to do that a lot when I was working at Abercrombie folding clothes. I would squat down and

Speaker 2 I don't know why I like the image of you folding t-shirts. Just like

Speaker 2 Klyla? It's like,

Speaker 2 just holding it afar, like, get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here.
I'm folding this shirt. Well, I'm not a crop duster.

Speaker 3 That's just not my vibe.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 3 No, like, I don't like to ruin people's days like that. So I would, and it would bubble up to my kidneys, and I would have extreme flank pain.

Speaker 3 And I could barely walk home because I had to walk home after work. And I remember just like always just being in pure suffering when I'd hold them in.

Speaker 3 So they go somewhere, probably at your eyeballs at some point.

Speaker 2 Because it hurt the back of my eyes, hurt. I held one in so deep, and it just hurt.
It just, it just was so uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 When you block a fart from escaping, some of the gas can pass through your gut and be reabsorbed into your bloodstream. You got fart blood.

Speaker 2 From there, it can end up being exhaled through your lungs, coming out of your mouth via exhaling. So you can actually burp a fart.

Speaker 3 Is that why bad breath happens?

Speaker 2 That's exactly what it is. You've been burping a lot of farts in this room sometimes.

Speaker 3 I always hold my fart in school.

Speaker 2 That's why I have

Speaker 2 problems. Babe, you got to let it out.

Speaker 3 Yeah, or else it's going to come out of your mouth. But it's going to be smelly.

Speaker 2 I know, but would you rather have a smelly burp mouth or be in such excruciating pain that you're probably hurting your insides?

Speaker 3 Smelly mouth.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 See what I mean? I can't believe you can get a fart. You can fart out of your mouth.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you something. I'm farting right now.

Speaker 3 Oh, that was such a polite one.

Speaker 2 That's most of my mouth. That almost is like

Speaker 3 so more unattractive than a boo.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it was too cute.

Speaker 2 Well, I held it in a little. I just squeezed.
I squeaked. My farts

Speaker 2 make the onomanopoeia of like a town in the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Doesn't that sound like a town from where you're from? Yeah. Buyut.

Speaker 2 My farts always have a name of a town from the Philippines.

Speaker 2 DoorDash. Hey, you got back-to-back meetings, errands to run, and chores to take care of.
What's the secret to clearing your to-do list? A little help from DoorDash.

Speaker 2 We've talked about DoorDash so much on this show. Bobby uses it.
I use it.

Speaker 2 Bobby loves to use it when he's out of Los Angeles because he gets freaked out and he doesn't want to go to a restaurant and he doesn't know what to do or where to go. So he does DoorDash.

Speaker 2 Whether it's last-minute school supplies, impromptu dinner, fresh flowers for that special occasion. With DoorDash, there is a neighborhood of good in every single order.

Speaker 2 Every time you place an order for pickup delivery, you're setting off a chain reaction that helps give back to the the people who make your neighborhood unique.

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Speaker 2 DoorDash, you're not just getting the thing you love, but you're supporting the community you love as well. And isn't that what we want? We both use it.
We both love it.

Speaker 2 If you don't use it, I don't know what you're using.

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Speaker 2 That's code BadFriends2022 for 25% off your first order of the DoorDash. Subject to change, terms apply.

Speaker 2 So when Andreas got these wigs, he was like, this is for the thumbnail.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 You have your hair net.

Speaker 3 I got to cock the hair net, right?

Speaker 2 Do I work in a cafeteria? Honestly,

Speaker 2 you still look like a woman.

Speaker 2 Is that a woman's hair that you guys bought? Is that a chickwig? Uh-uh.

Speaker 2 Why the hairnet? Why is he wearing a hairnet?

Speaker 2 He's not. Oh, take that off.
You don't need to wear a hairnet. Why? I'm hairy.
All right, you're hairy. I get it.

Speaker 3 It's my dad's middle name.

Speaker 2 Look at what you've... Isn't that wild? Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 What is this?

Speaker 2 It doesn't really...

Speaker 2 I look like a Henrietta. Yes.
Oh, my God. I do look like Henrietta.
You look like a woman from the 50s, like the housewife from the 50s. This is like an

Speaker 2 pretty little box is on the hilltop. Okay.
All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 All right. A long silence.

Speaker 3 You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Okay, we'll do it again. Sorry.
Let's do it again.

Speaker 3 You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 3 What I'm saying, and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form is that men and women can't be friends the sex part always gets in the way that's not true i have a number of men friends and there's no sex involved no you don't yes i do no you don't yes i do

Speaker 3 you only think you do you're saying i'm having sex with those men without my knowledge i'm no i'm saying they all want to have sex with you they do not they do too they do not do too how do you know because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive he always wants to have sex with her you're saying a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive no you pretty much want to have sex with them, too.

Speaker 2 What if they don't want to have sex with you? It doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 The sex thing is already out there. So the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that's the end of the story.
Well,

Speaker 2 I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Speaker 3 I guess not.

Speaker 2 It's too bad.

Speaker 2 You were the only person I knew in New York.

Speaker 2 Aww.

Speaker 3 What do we think about that? There can be platonic friendships. I'm a big fan of platonic friendships.

Speaker 2 Of course. Well, we're friends.

Speaker 3 I know, but.

Speaker 2 But we've had sex.

Speaker 3 Wait, I really do not want to believe this, but there are people who really think that it's an impossibility to be attractive and

Speaker 3 have male friends that don't want to fuck.

Speaker 2 It's probably easier to be friends with men and women

Speaker 2 if you're not attracted to each other. It's much easier.

Speaker 3 Some of my best friends are men.

Speaker 2 That are good looking?

Speaker 3 Yeah, decent looking.

Speaker 2 Do you find them attractive?

Speaker 3 No, but I'm starting to think if, like, I wonder sometimes if I just like said, hey, would you? Like, what they would say.

Speaker 2 They'd say yes.

Speaker 3 Should we try? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think we should, and they will. And they will say yes.

Speaker 3 I don't, I don't want to believe that.

Speaker 2 But I know that. Okay.
So if you don't want to believe it, don't ask because they're going to say yes.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that would ruin a friend.

Speaker 2 They're going to be like,

Speaker 2 if you want to. The problem with men is men, men may find a platonic relationship with someone that they know is attractive, but they just kind of section it off.

Speaker 2 But the moment that the woman's like, I think I would like to have sex with you, a man is like, absolutely. It's like in our fucking DNA to be like, yeah, fuck, I get the fucker thing.
That's great.

Speaker 3 Should we test out this theory? Should I call a friend? I think so.

Speaker 2 I think maybe.

Speaker 2 Is it a friend that you're okay to lose?

Speaker 3 I don't know, maybe. Okay.
If it doesn't work out, the phone call doesn't work out.

Speaker 2 That's fine. Boy, oh, boy, what the? I'm excited.

Speaker 3 It's a friend, Jules. Jules,

Speaker 2 we have friends.

Speaker 2 Does it look funnier in this wig when I do stuff like that?

Speaker 2 Ready? Get closer to the mic, Jules.

Speaker 3 All right, let's hear this. I can't do it.

Speaker 2 Okay, good. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I just realized as soon as he was causing, no, no, I can't do that.

Speaker 2 As you were about to do it, I was like, this is going to be insane. But I do want to, I kind of want to see.
I kind of want to see it. Yeah, I can't do it.
You can't. No, I can't.

Speaker 2 What you should do for your own home test, take home homework.

Speaker 2 Text him and go, have you thought about fucking me?

Speaker 3 Just like that?

Speaker 2 However, you guys usually communicate, but then get to the point of being like, you got to be honest. Tell me if you've thought about fucking me.

Speaker 2 Because I want to see if that, because that will be the gauge. If he says,

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 no, but why? Then he wants to fuck you.

Speaker 2 But if he says no right away, if it's no right away, it's probably, he probably is like, no. But if he says anything,

Speaker 2 well,

Speaker 2 anything like that,

Speaker 2 he wants to fuck you. Okay, that's good to know.
You don't have any guy friends? Because

Speaker 2 you're with a boyfriend now. Yeah.
How's that going?

Speaker 3 Fine. She's going to downplay it so much because I know her.

Speaker 2 She's in love, huh?

Speaker 3 She accidentally.

Speaker 2 Say it. Shut up.
You shut your mouth.

Speaker 3 Because she's always like... You know, she always tries to play.
You know, when you're young, you try to play it cool. You know,

Speaker 2 tell

Speaker 3 anyone how in love you are. But she accidentally texted texted me instead of her boyfriend oh my god what did it say and i'm like jewel what did it say it was like with a lot of face in it

Speaker 3 shut up that's the first part that's the first part even the first part it was like babe

Speaker 3 with like 18 a's put it up put it up on the screen

Speaker 2 i'm kidding relax

Speaker 2 put it up on the screen relax so you said babe and then what did you say you say it otherwise we're gonna say it i forgot

Speaker 2 i forgot

Speaker 2 Was it anything gross?

Speaker 3 No, no, but it was definitely sweet.

Speaker 2 He was like, babe, I miss you so much. Along those lines.

Speaker 3 But if you ask her about it, she's always going to be like very dismissive, like, he's good.

Speaker 2 He doesn't know about the show, right?

Speaker 3 He knows.

Speaker 2 But he doesn't know you're on it or listened to it.

Speaker 3 He has to. I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 He says he doesn't listen.

Speaker 2 He probably doesn't.

Speaker 3 Every single day. If possible.
Every second of every episode he has watched. What's his name? I could promise you that.

Speaker 2 We don't say his name. His name is George.
Barbaduk. Is he a Filipino? Yeah.
Oh, right. One of the good ones.
Is he one of the languages that you guys speak or the other guy?

Speaker 3 He knows Tagalog.

Speaker 2 Oh, he does. You know, thanks for.

Speaker 2 Thanks for coming on the show.

Speaker 3 I love how when I left the house, I was like, Jules, you coming with me to Bad Friends? She was half asleep. She's like, nope.

Speaker 2 You don't like coming here anymore?

Speaker 3 I thought it was Thursday.

Speaker 2 Were you excited about Thursday?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're getting too old for this show, huh? No. You're growing out of this show.
No.

Speaker 2 You know what this show is like? This is like mom and dad want to play game night. And you used to be like, no, it's fun.
And now you're like, I don't want to play fucking shoots and ladders anymore.

Speaker 3 Oh, you guys call it shoots and ladders hella.

Speaker 2 What is it called?

Speaker 3 Snakes and ladders. That's the Filipino version.

Speaker 2 Of course it is.

Speaker 3 Was it Chutes and Ladders?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, shoots and ladders.

Speaker 3 Oh, no, we had snakes.

Speaker 2 I know you did.

Speaker 2 Snakes and ladders, by the way. Snakes and trees.
No, it's yeah, snakes and climb a tree.

Speaker 2 To get away from enemy, you must climb tree for half of game.

Speaker 2 Snake, no, shoots. Like, give me, give me, pull up snakes and files.

Speaker 3 Why shoot? Yeah, what's shoots?

Speaker 2 Shoots a slide. Slides and ladders is what it should have been called.
But it's shoots and ladders, man.

Speaker 3 Oh, shoots, maybe like C-H-U-T-E?

Speaker 2 Shoots and ladders, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, shoots and ladders.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's not what we had. Can you look up snakes and ladders?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it says discontinued.

Speaker 3 Yeah, see, snakes and ladders.

Speaker 2 Snakes and ladders.

Speaker 2 Oh, thank God. Wait, zoom in.
That's not the same game. It's the same.

Speaker 3 It's the same. You roll the dice, you move forward.
If you land on a snake, you fall back down. If you land on the ladder, you climb.
It's the same.

Speaker 2 You've been landing on a lot of snakes lately?

Speaker 2 Zoom in on that one.

Speaker 3 Could you ever be a sugar daddy?

Speaker 2 Could I just give someone money without even getting anything in return?

Speaker 3 No, but like the.

Speaker 2 I could be a sugar baby.

Speaker 2 If an older lady wanted to pay me just to be her little flirt boy and be like, come clean my pool. But no touchy, no sucky, no licky, no fucky.

Speaker 3 Yeah. And what about once a month?

Speaker 2 What do I got to do? Go down on her. Nah.
I don't want to eat that old fucking bag

Speaker 2 i we i'd easier to you know what i clear it with my wife i'd easier be able to she'd probably let me just fuck her than go down on her she's like just fuck the old bag and just so we can get some more money from her but it depends on how much it's not worth it if it's you know it's got to be a good amount of money for me to just an extra three million a year you got it

Speaker 2 wouldn't even think fucking twice i'm meeting the box for three that's great

Speaker 2 but then I just got to hang it. I'd be a little sugar baby for some older woman who's like sad.
Her husband left her or her husband died. And she's like,

Speaker 2 I just want someone young around to just kind of fucking pound me once a week.

Speaker 2 I'd do it. Yeah.
I would do it. But also,

Speaker 2 which where it would get convoluted is I'd feel bad because I know she's emotionally sad. See, because I know the woman that's seeking that, there's something else there.

Speaker 2 The man that's seeking the sugar, but he's just just a fucking pervy dude guys are just pervy empty fucking cum buckets we're just gross we're just nasty animals we're poisonous frogs yep we are yeah i always feel like once you drain that poison once you guys drink off you're so much nicer we're different yeah we transform meanwhile while you guys come you're still assholes you know

Speaker 2 even bigger yeah it's like the poison bruise

Speaker 2 it's like when you're when you're flipping the fucking the clip this is just like the poison like bubble bubble toil and travel wait till I come. Y'all, I'll go down.

Speaker 2 I can't believe I'm still wearing this fucking wig.

Speaker 2 All right, I gotta go.

Speaker 2 I love you. Thank you so much for coming on the show.
Jules, also neat that you came.

Speaker 2 I know I give you shit, but you know,

Speaker 2 you're a bad friend for fucking life.

Speaker 4 And shout out to Honey.

Speaker 2 Shout out to Honey, Honey. Jules's mom.
Shout out to motherfucking honey. Honey is the shit.
We love you, honey. You're the best.
And

Speaker 2 what's a Filipino phrase I can say to honey?

Speaker 3 Ayu Ayo.

Speaker 2 Ayu Ayo. Ayu Ayo.
Ayu Ayo. What does that mean?

Speaker 3 Like, be well. Like, take care.
Ayu Ayote.

Speaker 2 Ayo Ayote.

Speaker 3 That means like older sister.

Speaker 2 Oh, what is honey? What would honey, but honey to me is just one of the homies. Like, how do you say, like,

Speaker 2 like, miss you, dog? How do you say that?

Speaker 3 Kimi okunimu.

Speaker 2 So much. Too much, I think.

Speaker 3 Formal.

Speaker 2 That's formal. It's formal.

Speaker 2 Give me like what the kids would say when they're like, what do you say to friends when you say goodbye to friends that you're not going to see for a long time in the Philippines?

Speaker 2 You go home, you see them, and you leave, and you're like, all right, bye, guys. I'll fucking.

Speaker 3 I say, say goodbye. Say goodbye.

Speaker 2 Say goodbye. That's just goodbye.

Speaker 2 Not emotional people down there, huh?

Speaker 2 All right, honey. Say goodbye.

Speaker 4 Hey, Andrew, before we go, do you want to tell our audience about our podcasting course?

Speaker 2 A lot of you guys have been DMing us and emailing us and asking us how do we produce a podcast?

Speaker 2 Well, Seven Eckies is doing just that at the helm of the boys that helped produce this show, Trash Tuesday and Tiger Belly.

Speaker 2 They're going to teach you how to do the ins and outs of setting up the cams and plugging in the cords and pick peck pecking at the computer to figure out how to edit this thing and make it beautiful and lovely and wonderful.

Speaker 2 So you can learn more about the boot camp

Speaker 2 that's going to be happening in Los Angeles, California at 7 Eckies in January.

Speaker 4 That's right, guys.

Speaker 4 If you're going to be like Pete and me and George, well, nobody wants to be like George, but if you want to be like Pete and me, go to 7Eckes.com and sign up for that that course in January, and I'll see you guys there.

Speaker 3 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 3 How many times do you change your panties, Jules? Oh, I change it every time.

Speaker 2 Every time. Every time.

Speaker 2 What's the time? Like...

Speaker 3 Two hours. Yeah, her and I are pretty into it.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 You change your panties every two hours?

Speaker 3 Like two, three times a day, too.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah, it's Island folk. Wait a minute.
Your socks? No, but your panties so much?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Split the difference.

Speaker 3 I only change. Like, I even wear clothes for like almost a week.
She doesn't have BO, though.

Speaker 2 I know, but come on.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Your panties, every fucking two hours, what do you have to set an alarm?

Speaker 2 No. So every two hours, you literally take off your underwear and put on new underwear.

Speaker 3 Yeah, because I feel dirty.

Speaker 2 What the fuck?

Speaker 3 Okay, can I just tell you what it's like? You do this too? I'll tell you why.

Speaker 3 It's because once you've had discharge and you pull it down and a cold breeze blows over it, when you put it back on, it's like, now it's like wet and cold.

Speaker 3 Like

Speaker 2 goop.

Speaker 2 I'm going to call my wife.

Speaker 3 But look at this is Andres

Speaker 3 fancy trying balut for the first time.

Speaker 2 Are you eating balut right there?

Speaker 2 it's just aim. It's just eggs.
It's just aim. I don't know.
I have more hair than fucking eggs.

Speaker 2 That's your little sister.

Speaker 2 Are you smoking?

Speaker 2 Ready?

Speaker 2 One, two, three.

Speaker 2 No, he's trying Balut.

Speaker 2 Oh, look at that fucking face. I just don't.

Speaker 2 I was so.

Speaker 2 I've had this so many times, but this is way more fresh than the States.

Speaker 4 Chased me out. It tastes way less fresh.

Speaker 2 Did you like it, fans?

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 It's so so good.

Speaker 2 Are you guys doing this from like a... Was this you guys doing Tiger Belly from like the inside of a shop?

Speaker 3 Yeah, her mom's store. I got some brand news.

Speaker 2 Hey, camera, look, please, throw it up.

Speaker 2 Fancy.

Speaker 2 Wait, so that's your little sister right there? Yeah. Does she still live in the Philippines? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is she going to come to the States with you?

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Does she want to be here or no?

Speaker 2 I think so. She's been here.
Yeah. But I mean, live here.

Speaker 2 Trying to look at fancy.

Speaker 3 Jules, how do you feel seeing your mom's store?

Speaker 2 It's kind of wild.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I miss it.

Speaker 2 Did you used to work there?

Speaker 3 Sometimes, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's that's so sweet. How cute.
A tiny little store.

Speaker 3 And that little that piece of bread there with the red inside of it, we call that burikat.

Speaker 2 Burikat.

Speaker 3 And it means um prostitute.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Wait, really? Why is bread with red a hooker? Is that so wet?

Speaker 2 It's so wet.