The Dark Side Of Bobby Lee

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You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

I mean, you guys are both getting kind of famous.

Well, let's start to roll.

Are we rolling, by the way?

I got recognized at the Austin airport.

Are we rolling right now?

But you're getting kind of famous.

I mean, not as famous as us.

We're like that.

Yeah.

If we were the Beatles, we would be John?

Me?

Yeah.

John?

Ringo.

No, no, no.

That's Ringo.

Oh, hey, Ring.

Yeah, the ring. That's the juice.
Right? Okay, I'd be Lennon. I think John.
Yeah, I'd be Lennon. You'd be Paul.
Paul, for sure. Paul, for sure.
Yeah, for sure. I don't have the doughy eyes.
Well, also, I die at some point earlier than you on accident. That's true.
That's true. But who's George? George.
Oh, George Kimmel. Yeah, George is George.
So, Carlos is Pete Best, the drummer that- Without a doubt. Without a doubt.
And Carlos is what?

And you mean fancy?

I'm Paul.

What?

I mean, fancy is... You think you're Paul?

I'm Paul.

You really think so?

You're so not Paul!

You're so far from Paul, it's insane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know who you are?

You're one of the recording engineers.

Yes, I guess so.

You may have...

You recorded Abbey Road.

That's...

I'll give you that.

Phil Spector.

You're Phil Spector.

Okay.

Is Phil Spector a part of it?

No, but we'll say he is. No would know who's the fucking like engineer the composer engineer

producer guy that's super famous that was a part of the beatles george martin there it is george

martin yeah you're george martin yeah are you oh is she yoko you're yoko no way no way because

yoko is like the one who broke up the group no if anything i say you know that's not the real

reason the reason why you say that is because you don't want to be Asian What? Yeah Who does? I know but that's the real reason Look at my eyes Is that the truth? Look into those Asian eyes Look at my little Asian eyes Is it because If she was If Yoko was white Or Mexican or black You'd rather be Yoko But because she's Asian Be honest with me Look at my. Look at my eyes.
She's not racist. You're not racist? No, she loves Asians.
You do? She works with one at the store. Real quick, name me three Asians that you know.
Go. Bobby Lee.
Yeah. You're Asian.
That's fair. Oh, that's true.
Okay, go. And go.
Stevie Weeby. Yes.
That's my brother. Okay.
And you're right.

That's all I can do.

But to be honest with you, isn't that the only two she needs to know?

That is true.

We're the top Asian.

That's very fair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's not racist because she wanted to party.

Name me five Asians.

Name me five Asians.

Don't repeat the question.

Steven Yeun, Ali Wong, Shang Wang, you, and Stevie Weeby. Very good.
and Jimmy Ouyang very good and Steve Byrne who's half does that count or no no it doesn't count okay and Ken Jeong that's totally that's fine and Michelle Yeoh you won okay yeah you beat her she not only is she not racist she wanted to hang real bad with someone who we chatted up with this weekend we were going to go to their show but we couldn't because we were performing who was who do we hit who hit us up little pump little pump what's a pump little pump super famous i'm a big fan of big pump oh you like i love only like big i don't like little pump little little pump was in oh shit little pump was in salt lake city when we were there and legitimately hit us up and was like yo come to my show and i was like we have two shows so we couldn't have gone and then we tried to go to the after party but instead we went to an after party by the staff at salt lake we got drunk and we talked about periods for two and a half hours and also you guys fucking called me yeah so it's shit party don't call me from a shit party no no some fucking club manager's fucking apartment first of all dude It was a server's townhouse Oh my bad Yeah My bad I didn't know I thought it was just a regular house And it was a very nice townhouse Very nice Yeah and And then you called me And you were like Hey so We're here I just wanted to say hi Because we missed you And I'm like What's up This is the conversation Literally Ring ring I picked it up We're here No you called me twice I did I ignored the first one You did Right I ignored the first one That's right Ring, ring. I picked it up.
We're here. No, you called me twice.

I did.

I ignored the first one.

You did.

Right?

I ignored the first one.

That's right.

Ring, ring second time, right?

What's up?

Hey, we're here.

Where?

Manager's townhouse.

Cool.

Bye.

That was it.

So rude.

I just wanted to say hi because I missed you.

Yeah, yeah.

You're drunk.

You do that when you're drunk.

Was I drunk?

Honestly, don't remember even calling. She was wasted.
I was so drunk. Juicy was shit-faced.
We had a full conversation on the car ride home. I was like, you remember any of that? She's like, no.
You don't remember. And she drove.
No, I didn't. You called me.
Yeah, you did. Yeah, yeah.
I did. Let me ask you something.
Oh, don't skip over that. Let's talk about that phone call.
That was a really nice phone call. I can't call you? No, it i got a call from bobby and he want you know he goes no yeah he goes easy are you having a good time i said yeah i'm having a great time santino's on stage right now can you hear him and you go yeah yeah i don't want to listen to him i want to talk to you about something okay i thought that was funny but then what did i say then you said uh are you're having a good time i said yeah i'm having the time of my life and you said they go crazy for you when they called your name? I said, yeah, they went nuts.
They went nuts. They went insane.
And you're like, I think very fast things are going to change for you. And just be ready for a lot of new opportunities.
And I just want you to know who did it for you. Which I haven't said once.
Literally, I never said that. Yes, you did.
Yes, you did. That is blasphemy.
No, no blasphemy No no no no no no This is the real you bro Incorrigible Is that a word? Incorrigible? Yeah yeah You're being incorrigible I can't believe you're learning new words Yeah yeah yeah That's a good thing right You're being um Are new words in video games somehow? Yeah yeah yeah Um Warzone that's what they say Warzone I killed you youible. That's incorrigible.
Let me ask you. He doesn't know what that means.

Incorrigible.

What is that?

A person that their tendency is not able to be corrected, improved, or reformed.

That's exactly what it is.

That's what I meant.

I never said that.

You are incorrigible.

Never said that.

Be a great name for your special that you'll never put out.

I thought it was a great phone call.

It was really nice.

She loved it.

Yeah.

Okay.

And then I said that no matter how famous I get, you'll always be more famous than me but you'll always be my baby and then what i say after that do you remember what i said after that you said it doesn't always work out that way doesn't always work out that way yeah to give you opportunity but i'm purposely gonna hold myself back so i'll never get more famous than you because that's how much I respect you. Now let me ask you something.
If you met

Little Pump, you see, would you let him do a

Little Pump? What do you mean?

Like, help me? She's in a loving

relationship right now. Be honest.

No, I'm glad we didn't go to the party though because

Because then she would have fucked. Yeah, I would have

fucked Little Pump. No.
No, I'm kidding.

Would you fuck Little Pump? No, but I would probably like get really

fucked up like doing drugs.

We were going to definitely get fucked up. Yeah.
If we went to there, if we go to Little Pump's thing, we're going to get fucking out. We're going to go out, out.
I mean, I got drunk at the manager's house. Let me ask you something.
Would I be able to get into Little Pump or no? I don't think so. Yeah, I can't.
When he DMed me, he goes, is the noodle with you? And I said, no. And he goes, TG.
Thank God. Yeah, TG.
No, we had a really good time. Yeah.
We ate some really good dinners. We had some fun in Salt Lake City.
Sold out shows and Juicy ripped. How many minutes? Svansich.
20? Yeah. And you ripped? Yeah.
Yeah, she ripped. It was really fun.
Yeah, it's a lot easier when the crowd already likes you. It knows you are.
You know, I was thinking about that. They did.
I would say 70% of the crowd knew who she was.

It's interesting.

Comedy is harder when no one knows who the fuck you are.

Of course it is.

I just remember those days where it's like,

you had to prove it.

Yeah.

It takes you five,

10 minutes just to make them like you.

So it's like,

I kind of miss,

don't you miss that?

No,

trust me.

No,

not at all.

Well,

you don't miss like,

you know what? I can't wait. I'm going to, I'm going to prove my worth.
No, see, I think, not at all. Well, you don't miss like, you know what?

I can't wait.

I'm going to prove my worth.

No, see, we had this conversation.

I think there is this weird breaking point where once they do know you,

then you really do have to prove yourself again

because it's like they paid really good money

to see you do a whole hour

versus when they didn't know you

and you get 10 minutes at a time or 15

to try to earn this love and humor and respect.

Then now they pay to see you. So the expectation is high.
They want, you better do well. If you don't do well and they paid all that money to do that thing, they're fucking let down.
You can't let them down. So to me, it's the same as back then.
It's just now they're more apt to want you to win. But if you don't perform, you're fucked.
I know. Then they're never coming back to see you again.
They're never buying your tickets. They check out.
So it's just as hard. It's just a different kind of challenge.
Yeah. I would see that on a big scale.
When I would tour with bigger names you'd see those big names. They would still get a little anxious before shows because they're like well the expectations are through the roof.
You have to deliver. You have to deliver.
I hate that. That's the worst part of headlining.
I love it. I know you do.
The pressure is awesome. And you own up to it.
Well the pressure is great. You gotta fucking go.
You gotta do it. You have to fucking.
that's that's the worst part of headlining i love it i know you do the pressure well the pressure's great you gotta fucking go you gotta do it you have to fucking when i when i would feature walk in the park oh it's so fun you got no pressure you just get to hit home runs and then go home yeah yeah i always want to feature new york was fun new york was so much fucking fun my favorite part cellar. Yeah, going to the cellar was amazing.

Because you and I are back to back, right?

That was the second time you ever did the cellar.

Second time I've ever done it.

And I didn't do that cellar, though.

I did the original cellar.

There's two cellars now.

We did the Village Underground.

The Village Underground, it's like 10 times the size.

It's not that big.

But did you, I went into the little cellar, the original one.

It's so small.

It's like 50.

It's the size of this fucking room here. Smaller, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I've only seen that one where you go down the stairs and it's.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's a bigger one. That's like maybe three times its size.
It's around the corner. It's around the block.
It's around the corner. Yeah.
And I'm like, yeah, I'll do the cellar. And then as I walked in, it felt, I felt nervous.
Really? Yeah. Because it's like, I have to, I'm from the West coast.
What's up? Representing. You didn't say that.
No, that was inside. But you did.
You did do a little of your Bobby Black voice. I know! I know! I know! To the piano player.
With the two dudes that are up there. I know! I know! He did a little Bobby Black voice.
He goes, what's up, dawg? What's up, dawg? Yeah, because I, because of Artie Foucault. I know.
And Artie was hosting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then Bobby got a little black voice when bobby does bobby black what's that you know i mean i did that what's up player yeah player and he kind of then he was playing like he was had his hands on the keys and he looked like he was like he did when i was like confused not sure he liked it he didn't like it well because you did that to the coffee guy we went to get coffee in the morning young black guy young black guy and i said no come on and i said can i get just a regular ice coffee said four shots uh four shots over ice play a playa and i was like bobby i and the guy was laughing and bobby goes we're connected we're on a level and i was like no no he doesn't want to hear that he doesn't want to hear that fuck you're an asshole and then you go what am i supposed to say oh can i get four shots dog and i was like don't say that either say none of that just say may I have four shots of coffee, please? Yeah. But then finally he laughed.
And then you go, what am I supposed to say? Oh, can I get four shots, dog? And I was like, don't say that either. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Say none of that.

Just say, may I have four shots of coffee, please?

Yeah.

But then finally he laughed.

He goes, no, no, it's okay.

But inside. Because we had it.

But here's the thing.

He was crumbling.

No, here's the thing, pal.

Right?

Hey, what's up, hip hoppers?

No, no, no.

What time is basketball down at the schoolyard?

Here's the thing, pal.

Are you guys smoking dope?

That's incredible what you're saying.

Hey, man, is that grass?

Are you rolling up a bleasy?

It's incredible.

You sound like an annoying white guy.

That's not true.

When you talk to black guys, you sound like an annoying white guy.

Yes, you do.

Thank you. Are you guys smoking dope? That's incredible what you're saying Hey man is that grass? Are you rolling up a bleasy? It's incredible You sound like an annoying white guy That's not true When you talk to black guys You sound like an annoying white guy Yes you do We had a fucking flow earlier What the fuck are you talking about? The day before him and I had a rapport What was it? It was like Hey you He recognized me from MAD MAD TV right? Impossible He was like 14 years old Okay yeah but that's what he said okay i'll be lying okay it's on youtube okay okay maybe youtube okay right so he goes hey you're on mad i go that's right that's right which is i always say see that's not urban no that is that's not when you repeat yourself that's urban i go yeah dog yeah dog no that's right that's so say i remember say mad tv he recognizes me i recognize you from mad tv i go that's right that's right okay what is that why Mad TV, you recognize me.
I recognize you from Mad TV. That's right, that's right.
Okay, what is that? Why? Why wouldn't you just say, oh yeah? Oh yeah. Yes, I am.
Oh yeah, oh yeah. No, why twice? You don't do twice? No, Bobby Blackboys is twice.
I go, so man, what? You're already doing it. I'm not! Okay, go ahead.
I'm normal. Okay, be normal.
I was like, man, guy, man, guy. I go, man, guy.
You like? You liked it, right? He's like, yeah, I like it. Yeah, man.
That was pretty much it. That was the flow.
You went right back into it. Did you fist bump him? No, I went.
He doesn't know how to do that. And I did a shoulder.
Yeah. You know what I mean? He literally shouldered him right in his chest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a little pump.
I go, do you like the little pump? Yeah. Anyway, what? You know the I mean He literally shouldered him Right in his chest Yeah yeah I got a little pump I go Do you like the little pump? Yeah Anyway What? You know the first word In his new song is Jet ski Yeah so he's got a Bring up a photo of him will ya He's got a fucking Diamond necklace That says jet ski on it That's why we really wanted That's the real We wanted her to meet up with him His dog's name is jet ski And he says in his album He's got a chain of it Just type in you know you typed in jetski dude yo chain right there he's lifting up his chain in the picture of the black the black shirt down one more to the right to the right to the right there it is jetski right does it say it on there it says drug addict oh it says drug addict okay but just dude do jetski chain do jetski chain but we.
We saw, apparently, that's his dog's name. And so, is that it? No.
No. Wait, we saw the chain.
Where did you see it, Juice? On his Instagram. Oh, it's on his Instagram.
Can I ask a question real quick about little pumps? Yeah. Okay.
So, I know that he does it. Other people do it.
They put the tattoos on the face. Yeah.
Now, I don't know, because 20 years because 20 years ago in my day right if you put tattoo on your face you're basically saying i'm not gonna ever get a day job because he believes so much in his art that he doesn't right my point is is that nowadays because you're more a part of the younger generation if you let's suppose it stopped it stopped working out for a little pump which i don't think it will I think he's a millionaire But if it stopped working out

Would he still be able to go to Morgan and Stanley

And get a job

With tattoos on his face

Yes

I'd hire him

Is that still a thing though

I think it's still a thing

Would you get a tattoo on your face or your neck

Face tattoos are tough

Because they're so visible

Yeah, like... It's still a thing, yeah.
Would you get a tattoo on your face or your neck? Face tattoos are tough because they're so visible.

Yeah, like if I want to act and stuff, I'm kind of stuck and apart.

But don't they have makeup that could cover it up?

Yeah, but you have to be big to do it.

Yeah, well.

Like once you become an Academy Award winner,

then just get like a cross or something.

Right, you want a little cross right here?

I want a cross.

If you get one, I'll get one. Yeah, we'll all get one if you get one i'll get one really no like a tiny cross i can't put one on my face okay how about i don't have that nice of a face no i'm not gonna do that b bf bad friends okay on the neck okay about below the ear would you get a bad friends below the ear i'll do behind the ear the ear Behind the ear Yeah Behind the ear And it has to say Who's listening to Bad Friends behind the ear? That's too many letters Too many letters Too many letters Alright well I'm just Yeah yeah yeah Just like a Bad Friends I told you before But we've talked to us I'll get a Bad Friends tattoo I can't do it on my neck or my face But I will get one on my body Because I've always wanted to do that on my face What about the lip one? Like it just cat tatted on my face.
You don't even have that many tattoos. I know, but if I,

because the reason was because

I don't, I want to get hired for shit.

I get it.

And if comedy doesn't work out,

I want to work at fucking Chipotle.

I mean, it's working out.

I know, but if it doesn't.

Can you imagine how bad

you'd be at Chipotle?

You'd be so flustered.

Look at the boy,

the boy's just nodded off.

Bro, you know,

everything you guys say

really offends me.

You have no idea how fucking fast I do. Okay, hi, I just walked to Chipotle I just walked into a bowl Hey how you doing man Hi Good I'd like a burrito bowl I'd like also Two burrito wraps And then two tacos Okay Divide them all Can we go one at a time sir So on the burrito bowl Yeah on the burrito bowl I'm just gonna have chicken Rice Vegetables Medium sauce Sour cream And then with the tacos Can I have chorizo Chor Boom! Chorizo.
That's not chorizo. That's chicken.
Yeah, go ahead. Okay.
Yeah. Alright.
Put that off the side. Next thing.
No, no. You're not done with those.
I want those. Do I have to fold it? They're tacos.
I don't decide. Well, you just broke my fucking tacos.
Do it again. I'll just put all the stuff on the inside.
Now do you see what's happening? Here comes the manager. Bobby, what are you doing? I put the I broke this one.
I put the insides already. Are you yelling

at me? That's right. I'm the Chipotle

manager. I put the insides that we broke

and the same ingredients I'm

putting because the tortilla broke. Clean the

toilets. You're on bathroom duty again.
Okay.

I can still. Good employee, I guess.

Pretty good. Yeah.
Yeah. But you're

going to be just as good as you. You what?

Read?

What? You read just as good as me? I would work just as good as you. You what? Read? Yeah.
What? You read just as good as me?

I would work just as good as you at Chipotle.

I know.

You read on paper as good as him?

On paper, you would read just as good as me.

But at Chipotle, you'd be on the line, and I'd be owning it.

You really think so?

Yeah.

No, dude. Bro, I'm telling you right now, dude.
If, but people don't realize this, okay? I don't want to, fuck you guys, man. Fuck you guys.
What you guys don't realize this is that you think that I've never had grueling day jobs. I did a lot.
Yeah, we know. And I showed up on time.
Yeah. And I never got fired.
And they went went that kid's average he's average you're a c yeah he's not like he's not gonna get promoted but we'll never fire him he's fine you're fine right but i'm not like blatantly bad no i know that yeah yeah yeah so it's like you know if i had to survive after this i would be able to get a job at Chipotle. I think you would.

I think you'd be fine,

but I don't think you'd get a job at Chipotle.

What do you think I would work?

I think you'd work at the Korean spa.

Yeah.

You know the place inside now.

Yeah, yeah, I would probably work there.

I mean, you could be a general manager

of a Korean spa easily.

Yeah.

And you know what?

How much business would you bring in?

So much.

A fuckload.

They put your face on the side of a building.

I'd do a side business.

Oh, you would, you little fucker.

Yeah.

What are you doing? Tights. Tits? Tight.
Tights? Tight P. Expand.
You know. I don't know.
Don't want to get too graphic. No, go ahead.
Oh, is this show we're being safe now on this show? No. That's the business.
I don't know what you're talking about. Tight P.
Tight pussy? That's what your job would be? No, no, no. He wants to be...
No, I would be like a side pimp. He wants to be a pimp.
Oh. Yeah, I'd be a side pimp.
A tight pimp. Yeah, yeah, a tight pimp.
You're a pimp. Yeah, but I would clean.
Where would you get your girls? Oh, fuck. From all over the place.
I feel like you'd be not good a pimp, though. Yeah.
How could you be a pimp? Why do you mean? I don't think you have pimp qualities. Yeah.
You're not going to physically smack around women or anything if they get- Yo, man. Whoa, there he is.
Oh, I'm scared. Okay.
Yo, man. Is that Pimp Bobby? Well, I have to do an accent.
Okay. Yo, man, we're going down.
Hey, listen, man. I just came in here to get a rub and- Hey, 20 minutes.
You don't come inside. Okay.
You wear condom, right? Boom, boom in your face, brother. How much? $10.
Oh, my God. I'll be in there for three days.
Yeah, but then you go in. It's my mom.
Oh, I'll be in there for five days. Not my mom.
Not my mom. Yeah, but butter, butter.
You know what I mean? So you'll be a pet. How much you want?? What kind do you want? I have different varieties.
What kind do you want?

A dwarf?

Oh, a dwarf.

You have little people?

I have two dwarves.

Whoa.

Can I have both and stack them up with each other?

They're Asian, but you know.

They're not really dwarves, but they're small enough.

If I stack the dwarf, I can have sex with one and kiss the other one like that's one person.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Yeah, yeah.

You can stack them up, you know what I mean?

Like a Jenga.

All right?

Don't knock the bottom.

All right?

They go, ooh, they fall.

Right? Yo, dog. Yo, dog.
You can have have to do thank you yeah but one of them have dick so yeah but the one with the dick you on top yeah the one with the bougie yeah the bougie yeah downstairs down right so you know i mean i can fuck it suck at the same time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah what do you think bud i'm in dude they know more dude sign me up yeah so you're the best pimp i've You believe it? Yeah, I believe it. Yeah, yeah.
But, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, you say pay up front to you. Yeah, that's how it all works.
But what are you paying? No, it's not. No, because you'd have to be there 24-7 while your bitches are fucking.
I'll have a cash register for tax purposes. And who's running it? Me? You think she's not going to kick back down to the prostitutes and have an inside game of her own? You've got an inside job.
You don she's got a side game i'll give you juice i'll give you 25 of my um my business you'd be the prostitute you'd be the prostitute cashier you want you'd be the madam cashier madam cashier right yeah and then i'll give you 25 just don't steal from me but i could i could do like a side hustle well you i'm that's already a side hustle yeah but you started you want to do two side hustles Yeah, two sides. All right So what's your side hustle? Like, you know, you go in with the dwarves.
Yeah, I say I see your car out there You give me an extra hundred. I'll fill it up while you're in there.
Oh It's a gas station too. Well, it's also a car wash.
We might as well do a car wash. Yeah.
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Bad Friends merch? No, no, no Why can't we sell Bad Friends merch? We'll do the one with the dog, the live one The family one, we'll sell one of those But then we do obviously the fucking silver balls Oh yeah The relaxation balls I like the one that you squeeze too Stress ball We'll have both styles Because there't it, right? Yeah. And then the second thing we would have is probably framed posters of some sports figure.

Someone that's near and dear to your heart?

No, no one I don't know.

Okay.

How about that guy?

I know which one.

The guy that was the center forward of the Arizona Suns, Chambers.

Funniest statement I've ever heard in my entire life. Why? Forward center of the Arizona Suns.
His name is Chambers? Wait. I don't know forward centers.
He was a white guy that worked for the Arizona Suns. Because you know how I know? I used to play this NBA game.
Let him get there on his own. Yeah, yeah.
Chamber, not Chamber. You're talking about Dan Marley? No, he was a center.
That's not his last name. Okay, the guy was a center.
From the 80s or something Okay and also And also you said It's the Phoenix Suns Yeah the Arizona Suns Okay Arizona Suns Yeah yeah Dan Marley's who you were talking about That was in That was in NBA Jam I think Dan Marley was in NBA Jam That wasn't him Who else He had like a blonde fro or something This is so unrecognized We'll just do him then Okay It's Dan Marley We'll just do Dan Marley We'll have a frame photo of him Wait what's his name Dan Marley Dan Marley Oh yeah yeah Okay We'll just do him then. Okay.
It's Dan Marjorie. We'll just do Dan Marjorie.
We'll have a framed photo of him. Wait, what's his name? Dan Marjorie.
Dan Marjorie. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay. We'll do Dan Marjorie, right? And we'll have that photo framed.
Sick. That's BLM, by the way.
Right. That's what he was doing back then.
Yeah, he's doing BLM, right? Yeah, it was way before. And we'll have it signed.
And what will it say? We'll have Carrot Top sign it. It'd be weird, right? I mentioned, you've never had a fucking damn original photo, right? With Carrot Top signing it.
No, yeah. That's never been done.
All right, I'm in. All right, you're in for that.
So what else do we sell there? Food. We need some food.
What kind? Cucumber. Just a bunch of cucumbers.
Plain cucumber? Yeah. Cucumber.
I guess that's cool. Yeah, yeah.
But it's shaved. It's all shaved.
Like the skin's all taken out. Thatshaved That's on the sign Yeah pre-shaved cucumber Pre-shaved cucumber Yeah Come on in Take a bite And maybe Do we have dipping Do we have anything to dip it in It's like one of those Like frozen bananas Uh huh So check it out A frozen cucumber Dipped in chocolate I've never been dumped Just to fuck up people Cause they think It's gonna be delicious And they get in there and it's nothing It could be good Chocolate water They'll come up and be like I'm here for the cucumber And I'm like Do you want the food or the service? Yeah yeah yeah You got to pick before you go in the room What else are we still there? How funny to just get in a room with a prostitute And just eat a chocolate cucumber But not touch her at all And then just finish And then walk out That's right that's hot that's and you know what we also do huh inside there's two options the first option right is to make love which is the standard option boo fucking boring the second option is we set up one of those you know those malls that have like the cowboy western photo oh a photo shoot a photo shoot thing right where you can like dress up yeah we'll do a fairy one oh I love fairy ones right we'll do a cowboy one not the native because you can get cancelled yeah yeah we want to play it safe yeah we'll play it safe wait why you can't you can't do it you can't no what if just the prostitutes do it sorry if they're native if they're native yeah if the sex workers do it if they're native yeah but what if they're ambiguous brown and we don't really know well then we can defend ourselves okay perfect yeah we can defend because we didn't know yeah yeah what what's so funny you can't cut that you can't cut that part that's legal let me tell let me tell you since you came back from hispania the amount of times that you do this he does this to me or when we joke about he goes like this yeah i don't know what this is about it's a change thing

what happened in Spain

I woked

I became woke

you woked in Spain

you woked in Spain

what woke you up in Spain

whoa

I was just showing bad friends

to some people

and say oh wow

this is not cool at all

really

really

let's talk about some of the

non-woke political principles

that happen in Spain

is gay marriage legal

yeah

in Spain

yeah we talked about that

but let me tell you something

yeah

but you know they hate it

do you know what I mean

it is but they can't stand it

Thank you. political principles that happen in Spain.
Is gay marriage legal in Spain? Yeah, we've talked about that. But let me tell you something.
Yeah. But you know they hate it.
Do you know what I mean? It is, but they can't stand it. Like when they do a wedding, no one shows up.
Right. For the stigma.
Voluntary abortion is allowed up to the 14th week of pregnancy. Yeah.
14th week. What is it here in the States? How many weeks is it here? Depending on the state.
Texas, nothing. Well, you know what I mean.
California. What is it in California? I think I think whenever yeah that's what they say whenever that is that is that's cool I guess Spain is better than I thought Spain's pretty cool hey Bobby are these new or did you always paint your fingernails oh my god oh look at that 24 and 26 we doubled Spain yeah yeah I know no he always paints his fingernails I never know I sometimes do Out of boredom I think it originally started To cover up dead nails And then now Now it's just It's so Fucking Funny Cause it's true You know me so well I fucking hate you I hate the fact that you know Specific things that In my past Uh huh Right And now it's just a habit Yeah yeah you're right But don't say that shit out shit out loud, bro.
I just did. I know, but it's like, you know what I mean? Sometimes things are reserved for you and I.
We have private things. Time out.
What? These fans, your fans, our fans, have known about stuff like that for 20 years. People know you collect dead skin on a fucking Elmer's glue ball in your old bathroom.
You told everybody that. What's so funny you don't like it he did it that's from a long time ago 20 years ago what do you mean it was up till a couple years ago you had it when you had it i had it but i did it 20 years ago but you still had it what you can't throw away that that i'm not arguing that i mean that's fucking but you work but it now.
Yeah. You weren't allowed to take it to the new house.

No.

That's not nice.

You should have put it in one of those baseball cases where they put a baseball, a little plexiglass case.

Yeah, yeah.

That's gone.

It's okay.

You can start a new one.

Yeah.

But I couldn't have.

To see what's inside?

Yeah.

Not good.

All right.

I don't want to do it.

I'll throw up.

I'll throw up.

I'll just let you know.

No, I know.

Look at me right now.

Don't do it.

Not.

I don't want to hear it. Good.
Because I'm thinking about it and I'm going to get up. I'll throw up.
I just let you know. No, I know.
Look at me right now. Don't do it.
Not. I don't want to hear it.

Good.

Because I'm thinking about it and I'm going to get sick.

Because what happens is this, right?

Mm-mm.

Too much.

It rots.

Yeah.

It's too much.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It rots.

I'm going to throw up.

When you open it, right?

Can I just say this?

This is science.

Don't do it.

Can we talk about science?

I know, but I just, I'm going to throw up.

I know, right.

You would think that the center, right, would be dry.

Not.

No.

The opposite.

Moist.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump.

Bump. Thank you.
I know, right. You would think that the center, right, would be dry.
Not.

The opposite.

Moist.

Moist, dude.

Moist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the taste.

Ah, no.

Yeah.

It's like caviar.

It is.

It's delicious.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, we had, for what it's worth, I will say, let me move on to anything else.

Yeah, yeah. We had one of the best times in New York.
Bobby said he felt so alive and he wanted to move there. What? You want to buy a place there.
It felt like for the first time, I'm like, oh, I could live here. Yeah.
It was just the vibe. It was the, because before when I would go to comedy clubs, I couldn't get in.
All right. Like you would have to explain to the guy like, oh no, I was on Mad TV and I did the tonight show and i'm a regular you know i mean you would have to explain they're like oh really and then they would have to call some it hurts your feelings when that happens totally right but now it's like you show up like you get in they come up to you want to go i mean there's like that respect and it feels good it was really nice yeah because they came up to us that when we just went back to have after we did our show they were like you, you guys want to pop up again? And you're like, I feel so good.
And I wanted to, but we couldn't. We were eating, we were chilling.
It was like- Dude, that was a magical night, eating there. Yeah, it was so nice.
Just the hummus and talking and being around comics was so fun. I just miss that.
We don't have that in LA anymore. We don't sit around, we don't go to swingers like we used to anymore.
We don't go out to restaurants with groups of comics anymore. No one sits and commiserates like they do there in that place man it just got a hum to it it's it's funny because the improv has food but why don't comics eat there we used to but they changed that fucking room so much five different times people just stopped going remember there used to be the corner circle table man back when it was lifted up in the main room that that that area when you walk in the door to the right used to be a platformed area and it was railed off yeah there was a cool table in the corner yeah yeah yeah they just got rid of all that shit so then now it feels like a fucking texas road now when you walk in there who's there i can tell you got who every time i walk in there who there's no one in that dining area except for orney adams he's and he's crossed his legs are crossed and he always is like this like there's something going on he's still thinking about comedian I don't know I like him yeah I do too I do too he's there all the time he's there he's writing and working no people just don't go there anymore I mean they go to the club they just don't go hang out and eat but we should take you at some point I would love to go with you guys do you think it was like that because you're on vacation? Like if you lived there, would you be going out that much? Not as much, but you still have the opportunity to call up a couple people and go get something to eat or drink down there.
Yeah. But yeah, you're right.
You're right. And then I have connections there now to people.
Like I don't feel as alone. You know, it's just a great town, you know.
It's fucking amazing. And there's a part of me that's so I don't know why I feel this way That there's a Because I was so There's so many great comics That come from there Right So you kind of go Will my shit translate But yeah it does dog What's up Sure did What's up dog You did great dude You did too We were both great And I'll say this Gramercy Gramercy was so much.
Do you want to talk about what happened on the second show? At the very end? I feel bad about it. Why? But it got a big laugh.
It was a joke. Oh, I heard this story.
This girl goes, she asked a question, right? And she goes, I want you guys to guess who I would go out with between you and Andrew. Something like that.
Who would I rather have sex with? That's what she said. She said, Bobby, I want you to tell me who I'd rather have sex with.
And by that question, I knew it was me. So I go, me.
And she goes, but I wanted you to ask you why. Yeah.
And I go, I know why. She goes, no, I know why.
She goes, why? Because you're ugly. And it destroyed.

It destroyed.

The crowd lost their shit.

And her face, she went like this.

She went.

Like she, it was like, yeah.

She couldn't even get a word.

She was so fucked up.

And then of course, right away, he was like, I'm kidding.

I'm fucking kidding.

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

I said, fuck you right now.

And then I fuck you right now.

And she goes, oh yeah, like this.

And he runs over to her and they start making out.

It was so funny.

With tongue. So fun.
It was so good. And the crowd lost it so good and the crowd lost it it was amazing yeah i stood there in awe and you really went in because i felt so bad you held her head i held her head yeah i always hold the head but it was beautiful i love to hold the head well you fucking grabbed the back of her hair the back of the head and then when you were done making out she did kind of that thing that women uh used to do in the uh 50s and 60s when they were so sexually repressed that they felt they would pass out when they would see someone famous you know that she literally when she were done she went like this no that's not what i saw what did she do i thought she made the face like she had sushi for the first time she went like this she went so that's what salmon tastes like yeah yeah you know you're trying to like make the people around you know that you like it but then it's like weird you know what i mean so this is imitation crab yeah this is really good that was the face yeah that's really funny that you say that that's literally how the first time i went to sushi with my friend yeah i was nauseated i mean dude when i first had it i did that like well you have to like hold've never, I'd never had raw fish in my life.
Yeah. Oh, as a kid in Midwest, we always had cooked fish out of lakes.
I'd never once ate in a piece of raw fish and it shocked me to have it. And then few other things I started to like, and then over time I started to get into it.
I'm trying to think of what food that was like a little startling to eat. Oh, I know the eyeball of a fish.
Why are you? Oh, that was startling? Yeah, that shocked you? No, because Koreans, they go, old school Koreans, they go straight for the eyeballs. Really? Yeah.
As soon as the fish, is it a delicacy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're gone.
It's like, grandma, you know what I mean? Why do you eat eyeballs? Grandma always get an eyeball. Yeah, eyeball.
You know what I mean? So the eyeballs go to the elders? They just go, like, I would go for the body. Like, when a fish is down, I go for the body first, but not old Asians.
Look at that fish eye. But I'm saying, is it out of respect that you let the elder people get the eyes first? I don't know.
No, there's no rule. Just make it up and lie and just say yes.
Oh, yeah. It's in the folklore.
You're right. You know what I mean? No, but, and then I just, one day I went, my mom, can I try it? And I chewed on it, and it was like one of those gums with the juice and the flavor.
Oh, like a gusher? Yeah, a gusher where you bit into it and the juice squirts into your mouth. That juice? No, no.
No, no, no, no. It's a no-no juice.
Yeah, I don't like the juice. Yeah, yeah's have you had fish eye no I don't want to either would you never eat a fish eye I don't know if it would like make you really happy but I don't want to do it yeah yeah yeah what I mean what part of the animal would you not eat the eye I just said I know but brain I just like I like the stuff I already eat, you know.
Did you ever see Faces of Death? I don't want to try all the weird stuff. She's already good.
Did you ever see Faces of Death? Oh, yeah, dude, it's awful. The monkey thing? Yeah.
It's almost as bad as the clip that DeStefano showed us on his show. I don't know what you're talking about.
Faces of Death was an old, like, VHS tapes and stuff. That was it.
Yeah, it looks scary. Yeah, so they had this monkey alive.
I remember watching it in high school, Faces of Death. It was like little video footage of people and things dying.
But it was like a cult film? It's like snuff films. It was a film.
Back in the day, people would pass around VHS films, tapes. Yeah.
But they would copy them, so they were always so grainy and weird. And was always Something dirty and wrong Wrong You weren't supposed To have your hands on it Yeah yeah Like some girl Tied to a bamboo tree Okay I remember that one Yeah yeah Tied to a Oh no that's that Right And then you see a machete And then it goes to black Yeah Yeah But that's when you cum But No but back in the day There was

Porn was like that too

Yeah

Porn was passed around

Passed around

Right

And so basically

Faces to death

Was one of those things

In the 80s

Where they would go

You know what I mean

And when my parents

Would sleep

I would put it in

And they had this one thing

And I literally

Didn't finish the movie

Because of this one scene

There's a restaurant

In Morocco

I don't know where it is

Right

I think it's Morocco

Really

Somewhere

It's a place like that

And they have this monkey

Thank you. finish the movie because of this one scene there's a restaurant in morocco i don't know where it is right i think it's morocco somewhere it's a place like that and they have this monkey you know and they dressed him i think and from the photo yeah they put clothes on they put clothes on them okay that's which is bullshit well you know i mean because you're lying to him it's your birthday party happy birthday yeah they killed him they put him in this Table that was made Specifically for monkeys It's disgusting And they There's a lock contraption And then they Cut his brain open And they eat the brain And it's real Oh yeah Oh yeah Alright I gotta see this movie It's fucking terrible Yeah that sounds awful that kind of stuff i just don't like what stefano did that was awful is wrong i agree what did he do well that was wrong he's a friend who's a police officer and he showed us on his show a clip the cop had you know his body cam on and they had to go to the scene of a crime of a guy not a crime sorry an accident where a guy who was a bike messenger or something he had slipped off the bike and a 18-wheel semi-truck ran over his head and his body was there and his head was gone it was and you see all of that it's and the cop was like and i defense i think he had a gun but no the cop was walking up to the body because they were trying to they were trying to curtain off the scene you know so people couldn't see it but three times i looked at DeStefano and I said, I don't want to see it.
I do not want to see it. It causes me trauma.
It's a little bit of my fault because I did say you have to see it. Yeah, and when you saw it, you regretted seeing it.
100%? I could see it in your face. Yeah, it made me nervous.
I couldn't believe I saw it. I didn't want to see it.
Yeah, I didn't want to see it. But there's something inside of us that's like, I do want to see it.
No, you don't. No, I never watched Two Girls, One Cup.

Let's watch it right now.

No, I don't want to.

Please.

No, please, let's watch it.

No, that's one thing I say.

I don't want to watch like this.

But for this show, you have to, for entertainment purposes.

My example was something I don't want to watch. No, don't do it.

No, you don't have to show it.

Just show it to her and see if she.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, she doesn't want to watch it.

I don't want to watch it.

That, to me, is my guy.

There's no one dying. Yeah, but that's her line line that's her line i feel like the girls die inside probably there's a part of them that die you're right from what i've heard it has to right i don't know dude some people are shiza videos are huge in the world what's that shit videos people love eating shit getting shit on well that's okay i'm not judging well then that's what two girls one cup is but i don't have to enjoy it no no i understand yes you don't but i'm saying they don't i think they do like it because they there's oh i see there's plenty of people that are into poop quirk yeah but does that fetish and don't fucking sex shame don't fetish don't don't sex shame but does that fetish happen over time or are you jaded to regular sex how do you introduce that to to your partner? Yeah, but I'm just saying, how does that even occur? Is that something that you, as a young person, I like shit.
Or is it because you fuck a lot and you're like, I need to take this to the next level? It could be both. I think sometimes, you know, babies have poop all over the place all the time.
Anybody who has a friend who has a baby, they're like, dude, that's so much poop, it's insane. It's poop everywhere.
And maybe a baby gets a little poop on their pp and they love it and they're playing with it and then it just transfers over to adulthood that one day they haven't sex what would you do if you saw your baby eat poo and search your i go he's sexually advanced i go look at how advanced my baby is 20 2022 this kid knows what he's doing yeah yeah my baby's that would really he's got bdsm gary's tied up poopy yeah yeah that's my boy that's my boy that was the original adam sandler that's my boy yeah yeah baby poop stuff i i think also i don't i'm confused over how you bring that up because you have to reach a certain age and maturity level with your partner to talk about what you really want them to do you know like you know when you start dating girls when you're younger you don't kind to say like what you like. And then you get older and you're like, fuck it, I'll tell you everything that I like.
What's the day? What's the day that you go, I'm going to tell her to poop on me. I got to tell her to poop on me.
Do you do it subtly? You went out for Thai food the night before. You have to do it subtly.
How? Do you subtly say what you do? You start with farts. What? Over the year, you have to ease into it.
So you fart on them? Yeah. So I imagine, right, a woman is on her back, right? And you're making her blow it like this.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
She's on her back, but you ever do that style? No. Yeah, yeah.
So she's on her back on the bed. Imagine.
She doesn't look on her- This is the floorboard, right? board right the floor board not the floor but the backboard of the of the bed okay how's she on her back she's on her knees there how are you on the headboard and your back is behind you okay my arms are up here okay what well her butt's into the bed and your butt i'll explain go do it come, Carlos. Carlos, get down there and let's see it.
All right. I got to know how this- I'm picturing.
Get on your back. So he's the girl.
Carlos is the girl. Yeah, you're the girl, right? Okay, I see it.
And I'm like this. Yeah, okay.
And I'm fucking her mouth like this. Got it.
Right? Yeah. And then- But you're farting.
Okay, you're farting away. You fart away, but then you do this.

Huh?

You start going, hey, can you eat my butthole in this position?

Can you eat my butthole in this position?

And now make it...

So you flip around.

And I'll kind of blow you...

I might hear you put that in.

And then you fart right that way, right?

Okay, so first you fart away, then you fart face at them.

This happens through time.

Okay, but... Don't do that in one night.
Like, do a double fart. Okay, but when you fart, do you apologize the first time? Yeah.
Like, oh, oops. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed.
We went to Chipotle. And if they say, it's okay.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's the first.
Exactly. That's the first.
That's the first light. If they go, oh, and it stops the...
Right. You gotta get a new girl.
You know, like an F1, they have the colored lights, the dun, dun, dun. That's what it is when you fart.
Dun, the first one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the second one is you flip around and then you fart in their face. And you go, oh, I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry. And they go, it's okay.
It's okay. And then you go.
No, there's way more. I'm going to shit on you.
There's 10 of them. Oh, so many lights.
It doesn't go from reverse fart to fucking shit. See, I think it might.
No. Because what if you fart on them and they go, and breathe it in.
That's a green light. And they puff it.
That's good. Right.
Or you eat really bad food. Yeah.
You do the reverse, and the fart has moisture. And it gets on their face.
Right. And then if they don't, if they take a napkin or, I mean, a tissue and wipe it, that's not good.
Let's go back to yellow. But if they, like they have a face full of pudding.
Yes. Yeah.
You know what's great about this? Yeah, yeah. Someone's driving to work right now listening to me.
Someone's on their way to their regular job. They're listening.

I was talking about fart face stuff.

And they're like,

that's how I do it.

Yeah, that's how you do it.

Let me get a pen.

Then the Tesla.

And that takes about probably six months to a year.

So that's the amount of time.

Yeah.

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this isn't just any vacation this is all the vacations come seek the royal caribbean chips registry bahamas campfire season's back and that means s'mores but when you're at home treating yourself take them over ice with duncan s'mores cold brew concentrate and suddenly you're always treating yourself the home with duncan is where you want to be click or tap the banner to shop now but do you think there's a girl that just goes you're having christian sex and then just one day you just go can i shit on you or can you shit on me i bet you yeah yeah i i think i've heard of that 100 and then doesn't that go i mean this just seems like i mean that's a big question yeah but at some point you probably run out of you're like i can't do this anymore i gotta tell you i gotta tell you how i feel about this stuff otherwise i'm gonna keep hiding it from me that i watch poop videos at night yeah i think i'm just just a missionary cowgirl kind of guy. Are you a cowgirl? Yeah.
You are a cute little cowgirl, aren't you? Yeah, or reverse cowgirl. I mean, those are the moves.
That's the top. Yeah, I don't go beyond it.
Why? Because just kissing and sticking my penis in the vagina is good enough. So you love kissing while you have sex? Yeah.
You don't like that? No, no, no, I do. I'm just saying it depends on the kind of sex I'm having.
There's two different kinds? There's many different kinds, buddy. Tell me the times.
I'm sweating now. Well, when two people love each other very much.
Tell me, daddy. Don't do that.
I'm going to get hard if you do that. Dad, tell me about love.
Don't say that again. Papa? Oh.
Papa, tell me about love. No, there's fucking.
There's making love. There's having sex.
There's experimenting. there's having sex there's experimenting don't do it you know this turns me on i know so what the fuck sometimes when you kiss yeah you're you're you're making love yeah i don't think i ever kiss when we're fucking it's hard to kiss if you're fucking yeah because it's a it's like it's just in a pat it's like a hot you know like I just came home I haven't seen you in a while it's just it's hard to kiss if you're fucking yeah it's like a hot you know like I just came home I haven't seen you in a while it's fucking it's hot sometimes when I'm fucking though yeah what happens I'll grab the fucking hair her mouth opens like a fucking smog dragon.
From The Hobbit. I'll stick it in the mouth like that, right? And then I'll do a fire spit.
Whoa. Fire spit.
Is this show family friendly? I don't know. Sometimes I think about it.
What rating is it? I'm sweating. I don't know why.
It's hot in here. Yeah.
But you started sweating when i called you daddy i started getting a little pokey yeah you call me daddy i love it i love it too i think it's one of those things oh dude you know what i just saw today by the way yeah you know they're doing clerks three they're doing clerks three and it's filled with famous and i mean because i just saw someone did a cameo that we know someone that we're friends with did it and i was like i didn't even, did you hear that this was a thing? I had no fucking idea. Look at the names that are in this thing though.
Do cameo. Oh yeah, see there's some.
That wasn't all of them. The trailer was or whatever I saw was insane how many people were in this fucking thing.
I don't think he likes me. Kevin Smith.
I've had conversations with him. Zoom in.
Look, Ben Affleck. Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Of course! That's the clan. No, I'm just saying but they're all doing it it's crazy don't you want to be in that wow do i want to be in it yeah i don't know what business i would have in that movie i mean you know what i mean like i just it's kind of like i would i don't know what would they use me for i don't know them but it's nuts dude it's crazy that they i didn't even i didn't even know it was a real thing did you ever see the original clerks yeah yeah it, yeah.
It's good. It's a great fucking movie.
I will see this. What movies have you seen? All of the movies.
She's seen pretty much all the movies. Kevin Smith.
Every Wes Anderson movie? Yeah. Dogma was my favorite.
Of his? Whoa. Oh, yeah.
You know what? It's so funny. You've been around.
Yeah, but my stepmom had it on VHS. So sad.
Oh, wow. Yeah, I'd watch it over and over and over again.
Did you like Chasing Amy? Yeah, I liked Chasing Amy, but Dogma was like the best. Chasing Amy might be my favorite.
Oh, yeah, I like that one. I don't know why.
I just love it so much. I really do love it.
It's just such like a great, I don't know. I just, something about it.
Okay, so let me just say something. Last night I tried to watch Beast.
What's that? Yeah. The Idris Elba.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you guys seen it? Yeah.
You saw it? Yeah. The whole movie? Yeah, it's Yeah.
Let me ask you something. It's Beats, not Beast.
Beast?

It's called Beads?

Beats?

Anal.

Anal Beats. Anal Beats.

Oh, Beast.

That's what I said.

Same, same.

Anal Beasts.

Oh, Anal Beasts.

Yeah.

Okay.

So I'm not, there's no spoiler here.

Sure.

Because I'm going to talk about the first three minutes of the movie.

And I stopped.

Because at this point, like, I see poachers, right, killing, I guess, that guy's pride, right? And then he kills the poachers and stuff. Yeah, that makes sense.
And after the end of that three minutes, I'm like, I don't need to watch this. I already know whose side I'm on.
The fucking... Idris Elba.
No. The lion.
The lion's side. You're not on Idris Elba's side.

No.

Whoa.

Because he's not in the beginning of the movie.

These other approaches.

Whoa.

What?

Interesting.

Oh, so you're saying.

That's interesting given what's going on in the world right now.

Oh, you're because of BLM?

What is, I mean, I didn't even say that.

What are you saying?

Wait, that's what I thought you were saying.

Thank you so much, my friend.

Whoa.

Whoa.

What are you saying? I'm on the, because if it was, like in Jaws, just hear me out. In Jaws, right, we don't know the Jaws' backstory.
We just think that he's this creature out of control, huge. That's all true.
And munching on people. That's right.
We don't know his motivation. Oh, my God.
His motivation is to eat. Yeah.
Right? But in this movie, the first three minutes, you're like, oh, I understand this lion's motivation. And I hate the fact that his family was slaughtered by humans.
And so if this fucking lion eats all the humans in the movie, I'm going to be on the lion's. It has nothing to do with color.
If it was Hugh Jackman there, I would have said the same thing. Chow Yun-fat, lion's side I don't know what the fuck you're trying to do right now.
I'm letting you do it on your own. Yeah.
You heard it here first. Well, you're on Idris' side.
Bobby hates Idris Ilba. That's not what I said.
Just because he's black. Does the movie get better after that? Yes.
Okay, I'll watch it. And do you eventually get on Idris Ilba's side? Never.
Whoa. Whoa.
Sounds like another racist Spanish guy to me. No, because you know you see those videos.
I'll tell you right now, I'm on Idris Elba's side. I haven't even seen it.
On his side. Whatever he did.
Whatever he did, whatever he does. Why? Just because I love him.
He's a handsome, beautiful guy who's cool and great at acting. Yeah, as an actor, you fucking cock, right? No, in real life.
Yeah, in real life, he's an actor. I love him as a fucking actor, right?

And in the story.

Whatever the story is,

whatever he did.

He could have been...

Oh, okay, so...

In the opening scene,

you could have had a lion's throat

and just...

And I'd have been like,

on his side.

Okay, what if he was eating babies?

On his side.

Human babies?

What if he's hungry?

What is he doing?

He's out there in the wild.

He's hunting down lions.

It takes forever.

You get starving.

You got a couple babies in the truck.

Eat them up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What if the babies were black?

Are they his babies?

Yeah.

I don't know,

they're just,

they're black.

They're black babies,

we don't know.

So he's eating black babies?

Yeah, yeah.

White babies?

Oh, come on.

Yeah, yeah,

white babies, yeah.

I'm okay with eating white babies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If he's eating black babies,

that's a really tough one.

How about if it's Idi Amin's babies?

Totally in.

Yeah, good.

Yeah, totally fine with it.

Good.

I want to watch it then,

I should watch The Beast.

We'll be right back. That's a tough one.
That's a really tough one. How about if it's Idi Amin's babies? Totally in.
Yeah, good. Yeah, totally fine with it.
Good. I want to watch it then.
I should watch The Beast. Yeah.
I tried to watch more of Tyson last night, the Mike show. Is it good? Yeah, it's interesting.
I told you about that before, but then they get into the naughty stuff that Mikey did, and then you're like, uh-oh. It's a little tough to watch.
He didn't do anything then. What? I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. I saw the the dark side of comedy and guess who makes appearances in it who bobby lee bobby lee but you know why and you're good in it you know why no well because you're a comedian no that's not why that's not why the reason why is because when they were doing the series right they're going to do one on Roseanne dies and they got,

they called me and they go,

we're doing one about you.

Judd do the,

Judd did this,

right?

No,

no,

Judd didn't do it.

We're doing one about you,

whether you're involved or not,

we're doing it.

No.

Yeah.

How though?

What do you mean?

How?

Cause the TV episodes are all about these big comics who lost their careers.

I'm not wrong. I'm not booking fun.
That that's what they're about and your career is not lost so why would they make one about you maybe they were they were maybe that's a good save but basically what you're saying maybe they're foreshadowing maybe they're like we gotta get this out before you crash i'm serious the juice it's a good save but basically what you meant by that is that doesn't make any sense. They're about big comics.

No, you're a big comic, but the whole point,

the dark side of it is how they lost it all.

Dice Clay, Chris Farley, Roseanne.

Did they lose it all? Artie Lang, yes.

You think maybe they have a crystal ball?

They did not ask you.

I was just afraid because they were like,

we want to do about your drug addiction. And i'm like oh there's not much out there and so i go i'll just do it just don't do one on me and then they go i'll just they go which one you want to go i got the only one i really i'm close to is dice i'll do the dice one good i'm glad you did that i want to see it i haven't seen.
What is it on? Hulu. Maybe I'll watch it.

They can't make an episode on you.

They can't.

I don't know the way you're saying it though.

It just sounds like they definitely can make an episode on you the way you're talking about it.

They called you and said they're doing it?

Have you seen it?

The reason why I'm on Dice is with the negotiation

was that don't do one on me.

That's good. You're smart.
That's why you that don't do one on me. Yeah, that's good.

You're smart.

You're smart.

That's why you don't have an episode on me.

That's exactly right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You knew.

But is it good?

It's well done, I heard.

It's really good,

but yeah, at the end,

it's like,

and that's what killed him.

That's how they end every episode.

And that's what killed him.

Pretty much.

That's what killed him once again.

I think, you know what? But would you let someone do a comedy documentary on you anyway in general yeah i think that's like 15 years away though just to have more shit to like more stories to make because right now but but you do you ever want to like write a book i've been offered that i have people go can you do storybook or have someone else write your book I mean for you that's not me taking a shot you're definitely not going to write a book that's a shot tell me you're going to write your own book right now I'll write my own book say you promise and you swear you swear on everything swear on your mother's life you'll write it I don't want to do a book okay see that doesn't mean no no no because I know you'll never you'll never write a book that... That doesn't mean...
You'll never write a book. That doesn't necessarily mean I don't want to fucking write a book.
No, it's not that you can't

write it. It's you won't.
I know how to write the

linguist language, though. Can we admit that? I just said you

can. Oh, thank you.
But you never will. Ever.

Yeah. You'll never write a book your whole life.

But what about I have a ghostwriter? That's what

he said. That's exactly what I said.
Oh.

Yeah, then yes. Yes, yes.

You'll have someone else write the book.

But I'll be there in the room. Yeah.

Sometimes. Well,

give me the draft. Give you the first draft.
And I'll read it and I'll make notes. Yeah.
That's kind of writing. Not at all.
Is that writing? No. Oh, oh.
When somebody says I wrote this book and somebody else wrote it, I just think they are not allowed to say they wrote any of it. You didn't write any of it.
That's true. If you told a joke and it wasn't your joke, I'm like, you told someone else's joke.
Yeah, that's true. You didn't tell your joke.
That's not your property to. Yeah.
It's such a weird line when people have these big crews of people that write jokes for them and they get all the credit, but they're like, well, I paid you. It's like, I know, but you didn't come up with it.
Let me ask you something about, and this is something I've been thinking about, your past. Hmm.
And you're talking about, I'm talking about stuff, memories from stuff memories from childhood yeah high school whatever the past is and um the way i remember things and i feel and experienced it isn't necessarily is it exactly the way it happened no right there's always something else like you're through time they get exaggerated or you miss detail right right or something so i just you know how can you one write a book when it's when that's in play well this was the whole thing about the james fray thing do you remember the james fray million little pieces do you remember this controversy i forget it's like one of the best books i've ever read but oprah at one point like touted it as like you know she did like their oprah book club where it was like she'd get these great books but then it came out that the story wasn't a true right autobiography there was some fiction to it and he got ripped online yeah into a million little pieces fuck yeah juice he got ripped for to say like his account was falsified and it was and then he had to go like on an apology tour and all this stuff and it was like dude our entertainment is going to be hyperbolized every joke you've ever told is not 100 accurate or true we talked at lunch about when i say my dad sometimes i'm blending a story from my real dad and sometimes from my stepdad and i make them one guy because it helps the story i have stories that i heard from other people of course you know i mean then i'm like i'm going to incorporate that into my getting molested by a down syndrome guy was that somebody that was yours there was like there's one in particular about the alien guy the alien guy when i was in a meeting i met a guy oh yeah yeah he took me to the van that happened to my other friend not not to you no yeah that's what i took on that story and i've said that you know i mean that's totally fine that's a part of entertainment so that's my problem is when someone's like that's not the whole truth it's like yeah i'm not a fucking reporter for the news i'm not yeah yeah this is all this is all for fun and entertainment i know i know but it gets it gets yeah it gets all foggy people want it to always be real like um ben harper became a buddy and i had said i asked him when we first hung out if he really smoked a lot of pot. Because his most famous song was Burn One Down.
It was like a college anthem for every frat guy. Yeah.
And he's like, I don't smoke pot. That was me speaking as if I was one of my closest friends.
Who, he's like, in my mind, is like a pot addict or a pothead. He smokes pot all day, every day.
And so he took on this personality of this to write this song yet every fan thinks it's ben yeah but ben doesn't they don't doesn't smoke pot yeah so i'm like that's the beauty and if you found out that it's true does that make you hate the song now yeah that's not fair that's not fair because you love the song it's like it's like you love the the joke. You love the story that someone tells.

Why does it matter?

I mean, there are factual things.

Like I grew up in San Diego.

My parents don't have clothing business.

Your dad beat you with a golf club.

All this stuff is real.

But was it a golf club?

Or was it something else?

It was something else.

See?

Ping pong paddle.

And to me, that's funnier.

And I don't know why you got rid of that one. That one's better.
It, yeah, yeah. Ping pong paddle.
Ping pong paddle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which side? The green or the red? You know you got the red side, didn't you? The red side, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's harder.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so funny that you got beat with that.
Like, do you have a joke like that where you hyperbolize the truth or you expand on the, you know, you stretch what didn't really happen or whatever? Yeah, I have some stuff about that. Yeah.
Give us an example. Share the mano.
give us an example oh yeah no no do it uh no i used to have a joke about my dad not calling me back um because that would happen sometimes he'd be be busy and i so but i but it wasn't like never so but so i hyperbolized that in the joke where it's like that uh song cat's cradle you know that song and it. Yeah.
Yeah. And this would be like, I got home from college and I called my dad.
He said he'd call me back, but he never did. It was like something stupid like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's pretty innocent.
It's innocent. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all do it.
Yeah. Well, it's a part of storytelling and joke writing that I think is so interesting is when you hear something, people do go, is that true? Yeah yeah is that is that part true yeah and you're like i don't know do you really want to know doesn't that take away some of the fucking fun yeah it's kind of like you know what i mean crazy yeah you kind of wanted to live in this fun a fun realm yeah in a vacuum of whatever it is and then you enjoy it and then it's then it's done and it's like who cares yeah I also find it weird that like, you know, at the end of the day, my life isn't that exciting.
Nobody's is. You know, people think that I have this exciting life.
No, it's awfully boring. I woke up, I looked on my news thing on my phone, look at the texts, I drank some coffee, I just sat there for an hour.
Yeah. Like, what do I do today? Like, the day is not that fun i woke up this morning i went to a fitting yeah you know i i ended up getting stoned with with little pump and a bunch of his crew then i went had lunch with like snoop and it was like that's not it's not even that fun because it was a salad yeah yeah like who gives a shit if i had a salad with snoop exactly right and it's like it's just not nothing is that it's not that crazy like michael shannon and i went bowling this afternoon but it's like big fucking deal that's yeah you could anybody could do that but you know what your life you know i know and then when i was done i went to i took a private chat up to san francisco to meet taylor swift to just like go over her set because she's like i just want you to hammer it out but it's like that's not fun it's not me doing the set it's taylor you know yeah but can i be honest with you yeah in new york there is a part of that about you what are you talking about I'm gonna go have dinner With my friend We're not gonna say his name I go Can I go And you're like I guess So you brought me To this fancy restaurant First of all Let's be honest We're not gonna say it's a friend No but if we're gonna be honest I was very excited You wanted to go I was like Do you really wanna go I i heard i guess you are see this is what we just had talked about you heard what you want to hear i heard like i had to fight for it oh my god you're such a victim it's insane and you literally call your famous friend and i said do you really want to go because we can change the reservation i'd love to have you but you got to seriously want to go because you made it sound like maybe i'll go to dinner maybe i won't okay so Okay.
So I was like, I'd love to have you. So I went,

we just get to that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Fine.

We went to this fancy restaurant,

right. And his super famous friend,

we didn't do it.

We went and had dinner with the guy.

Yeah.

But that's what I'm saying is,

is that that whole rant that you wanted before,

it is similar to your life.

No,

that's yeah.

Because I know certain things about you.

You're going to a special,

I'm not gonna say name, but you're going on a special trip with special you know fuck you you're going on a special trip with special people where you had to call make arrangements right it's only it's i couldn't go there you know that well if i wanted to go could i go only because what we're going to do exactly my point is is that we're going golfing't golf. You do do things that I don't do.
But you don't golf. If you golf.
It doesn't matter. I'm never invited to anything like it.
Then go to a League of Legends tournaments with famous people. Go to like a fucking.
And now you're doing fucking. You're making fun of me because I play video games.
No, I'm not. I'm saying that's your thing.
You make fun of me because I golf. That's my thing.
That's what I'm saying. Guy.
Hey, you too. Guy.
You do. Am I right, though? You would go to what your hobby is with your friends let me just say something all right look at me right now um so what I'm basically saying is this all right this dude right here right he does adventures that are not normal that's not true you are I'm with you thank you that's not true it's so dude if I'm not gonna say it but if I told you who was going on this trip with you to fucking some faraway island destination in the woods, right? That's exclusive only and everybody on there is like, holy fuck, that's like the biggest name I've ever seen.
That's you. Go fuck yourself.
End of story. It's because I'm going golfing with people.
See what he's doing? But I mean, dude, if your hobbies- Guys, back me up. Can you back me up? No, if your hobbies included that stuff, like when I went to Steph Curry's thing, that's because I'm going golfing with people See what he's doing? But I mean dude if your hobbies Can you back me up? No if your hobbies included that stuff Like when I went to Steph Curry's thing That's because Steph Curry plays golf and has a golf tournament So I went because my friend knows him That's still cool though That's a part of your life Not every golfer My dad played golf for 30 years He was not that good That's the problem all right my point is is that it is there are certain guys like you yeah i i my friend mike young was like that too he's still alive yeah i know yeah mike young is still alive yeah yeah but like where you they go they go on these adventures that i would never go on but but okay okay okay let me play devil's advocate it's because you don't want to go on a lot of these things you'd'd rather just chill.
I would literally suck. Can you help me with that? Yeah, I will say when...
Did I go to the dinner in New York? You did, you did, you did. But if it was in LA, you wouldn't come.
Bobby, I thought Mike invited you into Tobey Maguire's house. That's right.
I didn't want to go. That's right, and you didn't want to go.
That was 20 years ago. What's the difference at the time? You didn't want to go then.
You don't want to go now. I want to go now.
You want to go to Tobe's place? I'll go anywhere. You want me to call Tobe Tobe? No, I don't want you to call Tobe Tobe.
I don't want, that's not the guy I want. My point is this, is that my life day to day is normal.
Yours is not. And let's move on.
Okay. See, this is unfair.
This is where you'll disagree. Yeah.
My life day to day is very normal. Occasionally I do.
Well, I disagree with that. Occasionally I do other stuff.
I do other stuff occasionally. Yeah, like golf.
Yeah, I like golfing. Okay.
It's my escape. It's the only thing I have.
Dinner's with famous people. He's my friend.
Okay. That's it.
What are we arguing about? You're special. No, you make it sound like I live this insane fancy life.
While I go to AA meetings with plumbers. We flew on 9-11.
Did you feel a little weird? No. I almost posted a video of the plane, and then I put that song, Juicy.
Oh, yeah, from Biggie? Yeah. From Biggie, and there's a line in it where he says he's blowing up.
Like the world trade. Oh, my God.
I was really glad. That wasn't deliberate, though.
That was totally on accident. On accident, but I'm really glad I didn't post it.
Well, you did. I thought I saw it.
No. it's something that, like, I almost posted it, but the service went out because we were, like, taking off, and then it didn't post, and then I was, like, listening to the song, and I was, like, thank God I didn't post it.
Did you feel weird flying on 9-11? I was excited. I was, like, embarrassed.
You hope it was going to happen to you? Yeah. Oh, well, of course, but.
Where were you coming back from? Austin. Where were you down down there i went to a football game with my family just the sky rich kids i i yes see okay so see you can make fun of me for living life but like he lives this rich fancy boy life yeah but he he gets to jet set at will wherever he wants whenever he did the work i know that's what sucks that's what sucks he never did the work you did the works i'm just playing with you you I love that This dude right here No work He was born I'm literally at work right now This is not This is not work This is not work You press the button So diminishing Yeah Fancy pushes the buttons Wait time out What do you do for us I'm googling for you Okay he's right He's right Honestly though right honestly though we love we love you carlos we love you literally i honestly i want to work with you for the rest of my life i just think that you're so proficient like in new york you really helped me out you'd call me you would get wait until you see the new trash tuesday and see if you still like him or what do you do what did you do what did you do say it now say it right now so we can fucking brace for it when it happens kalilah or whoa annie pulled out a tampon it was like an ultra tampon it was really big and she dipped it in water and made it all wet and kalilah grabbed it and i thought i was gonna like play with the tampon or something but then kalilah made it mistletoe oh my god and what i've got peer pressured and what put the mic near your mouth i want to hear you say it i want to hear you say what you did peer pressured and what it was just a little and what there's a little dab on like tongue if this is kalilah it looks like her it would it would just be this okay i'm gonna watch the video oh my god and if it's not that it is that i can be honest with me right now i'm this is my one chance to tell the truth yeah yeah yeah i said it i'm gonna say something right now i kind of want to take a walk for a minute with fire that's the last pack you get no no no no no no no i shouldn't let go do not let it go yeah you're right do not Hold on to this a walk for a minute.
It's flame with fire. That's the last pack you get.
No, no, no, no, no. No, no.
I shouldn't let go? Do not let it go. Yeah, you're right.
Do not hold on to this. You son of a bitch.
Yeah, there it is. You Mexican beast of shit.
Yeah, hit him hard. Hit him harder than that.
Yeah, that's not enough. Hit him hard.
You balding mediocre. Pretty good.
That's great. Right? Get it going.
Lazy. Hit him hard.
Entitled. Do not pull off.
Yeah. Go, take off.
Living off your Mexican money. Fuck Fuck yeah we're flying now Right Mexican money Now ascend Talentless Ooh that one hurts Right Yeah Bean Yes Bean Bean Yeah yeah Can I ask you Yeah All jokes aside No don't No yeah yeah Don't ask Hey Hey Did you get aroused Did you like it Look at me in the face Look at me in the face Don't look away Stop at me in the face the whole time.
Fancy, pull the mic near his mouth. Don't close your eyes.
Don't shift your eyes. Because you know what they say when you're lying, you shift your eyes.
Look me in the eyes. Did you like it? I did not like it, Andrew.
Oh my god. I looked straight at his eyes.
He fucking loved it. Bobby, look at me.
She liked it more. Oh! Whoa.
She complimented my kiss. Oh.
She complimented mine. She was like, oh, your lips are like pillows.
Can I just say that you acted out shitting on him just a few minutes ago? That's right. You did.
Yeah, you did. For comedy.
Okay. Well, this was for comedy.
That's not. Was it?

I mean, you got to ask Annie and them.

Oof.

Look at me in the face.

Ask me, did you like it?

Like, you're me and I'm Carlos.

Go ahead.

Ask me.

I'm Carlos.

Did you like it?

I did not.

That's what he did.

That's what he did.

And it was so see-through.

Yeah.

I saw his brain going, say no, say no, say no, say no, say no. Like, you would have gone to prison if you're in court yeah lock him up yeah did you murder miss andrews no you're going to prison yeah you're going to prison they know yeah yeah oh my god carlos well what do we have to do now to make up for this blasphemy can i ask you another question and since we're here and you know what if you're honest with me right now i am there's no consequence have you ever jerked off to kalilah no no don't don't answer so fast so fast don't answer so fucking fast have you ever jerked off to kalilah slow down be conscious of the answer jerk off sex workers you only jerk off to sex workers yeah okay so let's let we need to rectify this on another episode yeah but i gotta tell you i love you i've always loved you carlos you know we've been close for years i think you're such a wonderful person this is gonna be tough whatever comes to this is just gonna be tough and i hope you just you just got it always loved you, Carlos.
You know we've been close for years. I think you're such a wonderful person.
This is going to be tough. Whatever comes of this is just going to be tough, and I hope you just got to deal with the wrath of Bobby Lee.
Yep. This is getting twisted.
Is Bobby Lee somebody that holds a grudge and enacts some awful shit on people he holds a grudge on? You better believe it. You better believe it.
Is this going to be an easy ride for you? It's going to be pretty bumpy. Strap on.
Put strap on on I'm ready Okay I can't look at Bobby right now No and you should And honestly Let me ask you something Have you ever been in a relationship? Yes he was married You're married right? Yeah If I kissed Your ex-wife Well that's different He wouldn't talk about that Two months After you broke up with her Would that be weird? It would be weird. Yeah.
So that's how I feel. You know, I'm on Carlos's side for one second.
He was bullied into kissing. The girls pushed him around.
They bully him over there. I see what they do to him.
It's insane. I thought I was going to suck on the tampon.
Oh, tit. You almost said tit, dude.
I think he said tit. Yeah.
Did you say that? I almost sucked on the tit. No, I'm not going to suck on Kalilah's tits.

What did you just say?

You're going to suck on Kalilah's tits?

I'm not going to.

Edit it so he said yes, fancy.

Let me ask you this.

Let me ask you this question, right?

This is a simple question, right?

If Andrew was dying from a disease-

I am, kind of.

Who knows?

Right, right?

And the only way to cure him, he's going to die in seven days-

Cardoche.

Is to eat Kalilah's vagina. You have to go down on Kalilah.
I'm dying. Andrew, yeah.
You fucking ass. I'm not dying.
It was an act. It was just an act.
You know he's not dying. You know I'm not dying.
You have a disease. Fuck.
Yeah, yeah. Bro, we just saw your true colors.
Fucking put you in a- I'm trying to save Andrew. Yeah, no, no.
He's not dying. What disease? They killed somebody in seven days.
You said he was dying. Right? Okay, time out.
Yeah, time out. Okay.
Give him another one. Juicy is dying.
We know she's dying. She's very, very sick.
What kind of cancer do you have? Mouth cancer. Mouth cancer.
You have mouth cancer? It's going to fall off. It's going to fall off.
The whole thing gone. And the only way to save her is we've set up this OnlyFans stream.
Yeah. And you are going to have to eat Kalilah's ass to save Jetsky.
Jetsky, tell him how much you need this. Everything I do is with my mouth.
She eats with it, right? Are you going to eat Kalilah's ass? No. Juicy, you're out.
That was a trick. That was a trick.
That was a trick. She is dying.
She actually is dying, and that's fucking awful that you would say that.

God damn it, I'm sorry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, dude, you just can't win.
You can't win, dude. Yeah.
Well, I got to tell you, I think he should close the show. Tell the audience what you want them to hear about what's going on, because Bobby, I got to tell you, is frazzled.
I can feel it. I know.
I'm sorry for being a bad friend. Great.
And he got ripped online. Yeah.
Ripped. Into a million little pieces.
Ironically. Fuck yeah, Juice.
Yeah, that's great, man. Come on, give her credit for that great joke.
Come on, Bobby. I didn't even know.
Was that what the book's called? A Million Little Pieces, yeah. Say it again.
Say it again. That's again.
Ready? He got ripped online. He got ripped.
Into a million little pieces. Thanks.
Perfect. Do we get that? We can cut that together.
Yeah, you're not a Jedi. Okay.
Okay. you're since when since when what am i then in the star wars universe yeah you and i are mechanics on the death star well on the first one that explodes we have the tools you and i are like oh we're done yeah you what would you would be princess leia no what are talking about? You're like the fifth wheel in Jabba's fucking hut.

You know one of those dancing girls?

You're in the waiting room.

He never used you.

Yeah.

Why did he not use you?

You know the lady with the little horn and she's dancing with the chain, right?

I'm working the cashier.

No, you're not even there.

You're just in a waiting room and you've been there for like 20 years.

That's her right there.

That is literally her.

Yeah, that's you.

Dancing for Jabba.

Dancing for Jabba. Dancing for Jabba.