Bobby's Midlife Crisis & The Ponzu Gang

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

Speaker 1 These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Speaker 1 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Speaker 2 Hey, Bad Fred. Hey! Hey, Hey, I've only got a couple of dates left before I film my special.
Go watch my friend, Andrew. Please come watch me.
He's the best.

Speaker 2 Tomorrow, I'm in Brea, Brea, California, tomorrow night on the 13th. And then this weekend, 16th, I'm in Minneapolis.
The 17th, I'm in Madison, Wisconsin. Come see me.

Speaker 2 Then on the 24th, I'm in Denver, Colorado, filming my special. AndrewSantino.com is where you're going to get those tickets.
Please come out and see your boy. AndrewSantino.com.
Come see me.

Speaker 2 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. Calm down.

Speaker 2 Let's do a breathing exercise, dude. No, no, no.
Let me say that. Let me start off by saying this.
No breathing exercise? No.

Speaker 2 Let me start off by saying this. Welcome back, Fancy B, kind of.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, kind of.
Yeah, because you know what? He comes in here. Welcome back, actually, Juicy.
Welcome back.

Speaker 2 Welcome back, Juice. Greg, great to see you.
Welcome back, Carlos. Great to see you.
Fancy B, you come back, and the first thing out of his mouth is, you need to have better tasting scraps. I know.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Saying that all I do do is

Speaker 2 Turtle Island script, dude,

Speaker 2 piece of shit.

Speaker 2 Don't get me started, fans. Fancy's, of course, commenting about the movie Me Time I did on Netflix with Kevin Harden.
He hated it. Didn't you hate it? Go ahead and say it, fans.

Speaker 2 You're allowed to say what you want on the show. You're good in it.
Let me tell you something. I'm watching it.
The critics will tell you how good it is.

Speaker 2 Go ahead and show what we got on Rotten Tomatoes. Go ahead.
Go ahead.

Speaker 3 It made me feel good about my own movie.

Speaker 2 Look at how good that is. What did the critics say?

Speaker 2 7%.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's a fucking.

Speaker 2 Bro, you couldn't even beat Easter Sunday. Wait a minute.
Is that bad or good? 7%. It is bad.
It's bad. I thought that meant 93%.
No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 It's got a green, like, sludge on it. That's the only thing that's good.
Tomato is good.

Speaker 2 Like, a tomato is good.

Speaker 2 See, I don't.

Speaker 2 45% Easter Sunday. Can I say something? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This scale makes no sense. Because a tomato is what you used to throw at actors when you hated stuff, when you hated performance, live performance.
They throw tomatoes at plays.

Speaker 2 But meanwhile, sludge, gook, gak, loved it. I grew up with Nickelodeon.
I love getting gaked and gooked. No, but the sludge is the thrown tomato.
Then it would be fucking red. Why is it green?

Speaker 2 Tomatoes aren't fucking green. The insides are sometimes green.
Am I not right? My Spanish friend? Totally wrong. Thank you.
Even green tomatoes on the outside are still red on the inside.

Speaker 2 Oh, and the audience score. Oh, that's not.
That's Andre's movie movie movie movie. This is Andreas's movie.
Oh, this is Andres' movie. 55%.

Speaker 2 So you beat Easter Sunday and me time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but

Speaker 2 mine has Kevin Hart in it and Mark Mark Wahlberg and Regina Hall. And yours has who?

Speaker 2 Who's in yours? Eric Dane. I love Eric Dane.
Gives a shit. I do.
I do too. I like Eric Dane.
Yeah, he's great. No, Minsky.
Can I just say something about Eric Dane? Let me say something about.

Speaker 2 I'm aware that Me Time didn't do well. Two years ago.
That's not my movie. Two years ago when I was sick, right? Can I tell you about maybe Kevin Hart's worst movie yet? Says Nick Shit.

Speaker 2 Wait until Borderlands comes out. Oh, he's in that too.
He's in my movie. First of all, that's not going to come out.

Speaker 2 I don't think it is either, right? No, because I know more than you do. You know I know more than you.
No, is it not coming out?

Speaker 2 Welcome back, Juice.

Speaker 4 Good back. I liked me time.

Speaker 2 Did you really? I thought it was great. I watched it.

Speaker 3 She says that as she's wearing the Scissors Brothers t-shirt.

Speaker 2 Exactly. Yeah.
I couldn't even hide it. One of the worst podcasts online right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's a cool shirt. They gave it to me for free.

Speaker 2 Dude, we give you so much more than they give you. We give you so much life.

Speaker 2 We give you life. We've lifted your career.
You're coming to SLC with me. We give you merch, and then you wear their trash.
By the way, that Heather Gray standard issue that they got, trash. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Cheapest thing you can buy. I thought you guys liked those guys.
Well, he's my brother. Yeah, he's your brother.

Speaker 2 No, the other one is my brother. The Chinese guy.
He's Korean. Yeah, he's my brother.
Is he really Korean? Yeah, he's my only brother, and I love him. He's blood brother to me.

Speaker 2 He's blood brother to me. Wait a minute.
The tiny little

Speaker 2 goop. This one.
The tiny little guy gets it. He's your little brother.
He's my little brother. Son of a gun.
Yeah, yeah. So say something nice.
Whoa. Can I say something?

Speaker 2 I'm being genuine when I ask this. Yeah, yeah.
Look at me.

Speaker 2 He's not Chinese. He's not.

Speaker 2 He looks Chinese. I know, but he's absolutely not Chinese.
You 100% look Korean. Oh, thank you.
Absolutely looks Chinese. Yeah, but he's not.

Speaker 2 I don't bring up a picture of Stevie Weavy because I feel like he looks Chinese. Yeah, there he is.

Speaker 2 That kid is Chinese on the right. Definitely.
Yeah, that's Chinese. There's no doubt in my mind.

Speaker 4 We need a test.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
There it is. Look at that.
If you saw him on the street, you go, who's that little Chinese kid? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love him so much. We love Stevie over here.
Like, he looks like a Chinese guy that sells pineapples in the black market.

Speaker 2 Right. 100%.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Can I tell you that a few episodes ago?

Speaker 2 Can I tell you about the totally?

Speaker 2 Is she Chinese too?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Is that your Asian accent? No.

Speaker 2 Why are you doing this?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I'm turning Japanese.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 4 A few few episodes ago, I wore a scissor brothers shirt, a different color one.

Speaker 2 And we didn't notice. We didn't know.

Speaker 4 I don't know if you noticed, but I didn't notice.

Speaker 2 No, we would have said something. You noticed today, yeah.
Yeah, we would have said something. It's fine.
We're lucky to have you.

Speaker 4 Wait, so can I have this shirt then?

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude. Yeah, that's what we gave it to you, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's actually sick. Is this new? No, we get, we,

Speaker 4 no. I will say the material is much better than it should.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, we're higher class.

Speaker 2 It has like a weight to it.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Go change into that. right now, yeah.
Go change into that, all right,

Speaker 2 don't you think?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, me time. Congratulations on that,

Speaker 2 congratulations. I, I, I, it's number one on Netflix, it's number one on Netflix, and also I would drive around town

Speaker 2 in every corner. There's a me time fucking thing, yeah, and I say to myself, My one of my best friends is in that movie,

Speaker 2 and it's really

Speaker 2 not one. I am your best friend,

Speaker 2 think about it. You're close, think about it.
I have a couple,

Speaker 2 Theo,

Speaker 2 Nope. Not as close.
No, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
He's not. But he is close.
And Kalila's not anymore. She is still.
Nope.

Speaker 2 We watched movies together last night.

Speaker 2 I'd watch a movie with you last night.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 2 Speaking of which, I went over and did Trash Tuesday. They said you killed it.
I had so much fun, dude. Honestly, I said you killed it.
So much fun.

Speaker 2 And I do want to approach this with you. And I want to make sure that you're not uncomfortable about it.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 Was there a little sexual tension in the room? There was. And you know who was in between? Who? Kalila.
And? Carlos. What the hell?

Speaker 2 I felt... No! Bro! Bro! I have felt that for years.

Speaker 2 And I have to say this too, right? I think that you're the reason why we're not together anymore. I really do.
And let me say something to you

Speaker 2 again, all right? Go for it. Because if you want to start a war with me, I will go to war with you.
And let me say something right now, dude. I have more minions.

Speaker 2 I have more people behind me, and I will fucking bury you. You bald-headed fuck.

Speaker 2 Bobby, there's been no sexual attraction.

Speaker 2 I see you in the videos, dude. Oh, I know.
You ham up. You ham it up, bro.
I'm just at work. I'm trying to do a good job.
I know, but I've seen you on stage. You don't ham it up.
Whoa.

Speaker 2 Back, no, back in the day. No, listen.
He could do it. I'm not shotting.
I'm not shotting right now, dude.

Speaker 2 Back in the day, dude, you could have hammed it up because I see you ham it up with Kalila.

Speaker 3 It's not just Kalila. It's everyone.
It's fancy.

Speaker 2 No, is it because you know you have a bigger dick than me?

Speaker 2 I mean, I do know that, but how do you know that for a fact? Because I've seen your dick. That's true.
Yeah, that's true. Facts.
No, what I was... I didn't mean for this to get out of hand.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, Carlos. I apologize, too.
He had sex with her on the show. Did you fuck her?

Speaker 3 No, I didn't have sex.

Speaker 2 Did you lay on top of her with your clothes on? Yes.

Speaker 2 So you laid on top of my ex-girlfriend with clothes on. And they fucked on camera.
Polly laid on top of Juicy three weeks ago. Not like that.
Not like that. I saw it.
Not like that. Oh, you saw it?

Speaker 2 You know what I get to do? You know what I get to do? You know what I get to do? My ex-wife's already. I get to lay on your mom.

Speaker 2 Coral? Yeah. You got to bring her on the show.
Bring her on the show. Have her lay down, and I'm going to grind on her for a minute.
My dad will be so mad. That's fine.
And I will not. Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Your dad, what? He'll be mad at me for letting it happen. He's got to be here.
Oh, he's going to be there. He's got to be here.
And he's going to be jerking off in the corner.

Speaker 2 That is so, like, cookish.

Speaker 4 It's only fair.

Speaker 2 It's only

Speaker 2 fair. Thank you.
Juice Juice. Thank you.
Yeah, you're the best juice. Your dad's got to come and pull a Louie to watch Bobby.
Yeah. And he's got to fast.
Is Is your mom's still alive? Oh, yes.

Speaker 2 Fantastic.

Speaker 2 I don't want to hurt her dad. That'd be weird.
No, that'd be weird. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, it was all in good fun. In fact, to be honest, Carlos, he didn't want to do it.
Kalila was saying,

Speaker 2 That horny, horny Filipino girl. She said, let me show you guys how this sexual position is enacted.
Because Esther has no idea. I don't know if Esther ever lived.
I don't think Esther.

Speaker 2 I feel like she just appeared because

Speaker 2 she almost knows almost nothing. She doesn't know anything about anything.
I don't even know how she exists, really.

Speaker 2 Her husband? David. Yeah, he keeps her alive.
Yeah. He's the best.
And I told her how bad I can't wait till she gets fat. I cannot wait to see Esther fat.
She's going to lose it all at some point.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Just become a little fucking blimp.
Remember Violet from Willy Wonka? Oh, yeah. And she's blueberry? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Violet, Violet. And I want her to roll around the comedy store like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just want to roll her around. Like, if you asked Esther, like, just tell me anything about the Vietnam War, she would have no idea.
No chance. Yeah.
There's There's literally no chance.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you: tell me a little bit about the Vietnam War. What do you know about it?

Speaker 4 Well, I know

Speaker 2 our troops were not welcomed back. That's perfect.
And that's one more thing more than Esther knows. Okay.
She doesn't even know that.

Speaker 4 I know about Agent Orange.

Speaker 2 That's two things. Now, what was Agent Orange?

Speaker 4 I believe Agent Orange was

Speaker 4 where

Speaker 2 we dusted crops.

Speaker 2 It's a chemical. A chemical.

Speaker 4 And it was pretty fucked up.

Speaker 2 Look at at this. Look at that photo.
Go to the right. Look at that boy on the right.
Look what it did to him. No, really? That's real.

Speaker 2 It's not real. He was born that way, dude.
Dude, look. Look, it says Agent Orange.
It's a herbicide mixture by the U.S.

Speaker 2 Wait, can you zoom in a little point set? I'm sorry, I laughed. Why are you laughing? Because you're making me laugh.
It doesn't look real. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Let me see. Wow.

Speaker 2 This poor kid is. This is from

Speaker 2 Agent Orange. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So Tony Hinchcliffe has Agent Orange.

Speaker 2 Is that what it is? I just realized. Tony Henchcliffe has it.
He came from that. He came from that.
There's Ohio. They're all in it.
Why around Ohio? Yeah. Look at it.
Look at his face.

Speaker 2 Agent Orange, dude. Same kid.
Yeah, he snorted it. He grew into it.
Yeah, yeah. He grew into it.

Speaker 2 Look at that. Look at that face.
Don't. And he gets women.

Speaker 4 Agent Orange is also your FBI name, I feel like.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Agent Orange. Am I Agent Yellow? If you want to be.
No, who am I? Agent what? You're. Agent Gong.

Speaker 2 Agent Gong, because Gong is quick. Agent Gong, we need you now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 Gong in 60 seconds.

Speaker 2 Ah, juicy. Gong in 60 seconds.
That's a really good movie name. Write that down.

Speaker 2 Gong girl. Yeah.
Gong girl.

Speaker 2 Gong with the wind. Ah, yeah, yeah.
Yes. We have three remakes we're already doing, right? Come on.
Why won't a studio pick this up? Yeah, any more going once is going on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That's it.
That's it. Gong.
It's gong. It's off the shelves.
Yeah, going, going, gong.

Speaker 2 That, honestly, an autobiography called Going, Going, Gong about the departure of Bobby Lee, like when you finally retire. Yeah.
Going, going, gong would be so fucking funny.

Speaker 4 You're not going to retire, though.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes, he is. Soon.
We were talking. We already, we had up to, we talked about it.
I think I have 15 more years.

Speaker 2 At least. No way.

Speaker 2 Way longer or less. Longer.
Less. What? What? So you think at 60 I'm going to go, I'm out? When this pod's over, you're done for, baby.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. You're going to last as long as you want to last.
Well, did you say that? I think you'll work for...

Speaker 2 You're 51. 50.

Speaker 2 You're 51 soon.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You'll be in the business for 30 more years.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, George Burns did the road until he was 92.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he was different, dude.

Speaker 2 But he was different. He's white, yeah.
Yeah, but he's just super talented. Whoa.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, like an iconic genius. But he did the road at 92.

Speaker 2 So incredible. And apparently he didn't change his act for 20 years.
Same with me.

Speaker 2 Same with me. And then also, but he would like do little whittles.

Speaker 2 Riddles? Whittle. He would whittle little things into it.

Speaker 2 Sorry tonight I'm going to.

Speaker 2 I don't know how that would sound like George Burns. What are you trying to say?

Speaker 2 He would interject little things? Yeah. What's whittling? Whittling is.
With Woods. Yeah.
Yeah, he would whittle it. He would whittle wood in the bits.
He would whittle wood in the bits.

Speaker 2 How old was he when he died? George Burns? 100. No way.
I think so. I'm just guessing.
He died at, I think, 96. I say 100.
What? 100 years old. How'd you know that?

Speaker 2 I'm a big George Burns fan. I'm a big George Burns fan.

Speaker 2 How about Burgess Meredith?

Speaker 2 Do you guys remember who that is? Do you know who that is, Juice?

Speaker 4 No. I'm not going to lie.
I'm not familiar with George Burns.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's sad. You don't know who he is?

Speaker 4 I'm going to know tonight, and I'll look him up.

Speaker 2 How old was Burgie when he died?

Speaker 2 1907, he was born. When did he die? It says it right there.
89.

Speaker 2 Young. Pretty young.
This guy was the fucking man. You know who this is.
Don't you guys know who that is? Grumpy old men. How about Red Skeleton? Red Skeleton.

Speaker 2 Skeleton or Skeleton?

Speaker 2 I think it's Skeleton. I think it's Skeleton.
Red Skeleton. Yeah, it's H-E-S.
It's Skeleton. It's not Skeleton.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Red Skeleton's always skeleton. I always say I called him Red Skeleton.
84 years old. He was another famous comedian, Jason.
Do you know who that is, right?

Speaker 4 Oh, it's like Comedy 101.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Yeah.
guys. This is actually 202.
It's comedy 202. You missed freshman year.
Do you know Flip Wilson? No, she doesn't know.

Speaker 4 I know that name for sure, but I don't know Flip Wilson.

Speaker 2 That's probably a name you've heard around the comedy store before. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 2 These are all people that did it before. See, this is what I want, though.
Died. Look at that.
Malibu.

Speaker 2 I want to die somewhere dope. This is the fear I have.
How old was he? 80, 64, young guy. Oh, my God.
Young. Yeah.
Oh, look at that. His first wife, Lavinia Patricia, Peaches, Wilson, Dean.
Peaches.

Speaker 2 I want a wife named Peaches. And then Cookie McKenzie.
He had two wives with nicknames. Oh, wow.
Why can't whites have nicknames? I know.

Speaker 4 I have two.

Speaker 2 That's true. You do.
At least. Why can't we have a sweet, cool nickname like that? Yeah.
I don't know. I don't know an Asian woman with a nickname.
That's not true. Who?

Speaker 2 Like, Ali Wong is Ali Wong. Doesn't Kalila's mom have a nickname? Or her, the aunt? What do they call her? Rudy's mom is...
What's her name? Honey. Yeah, that's a nickname.
That's her name.

Speaker 2 Her real name is Honey? Yeah. yeah

Speaker 2 these people are so fucking weird yeah filipinos have the worst names do they yeah there's a i met a guy named battery

Speaker 2 whoa yeah was he a double a or a triple a i think no he knew his name was lithium battery no i sort that's they name their kids crazy shit was his kid duraso

Speaker 2 that wouldn't be shocking to me they do stuff like you too

Speaker 2 They can name a boy you too. Like you too, like the band.
I like the music.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I get it. Yeah, yeah.
If you remind your family who you are, you can name your kid. Anything.
Anything, but we choose not to. Well, because you don't want to ruin.

Speaker 2 Because you know how hard it is for them to have a shitty name? Yep. Statue.
Never met a guy named Statue. See if there's a guy named Statue on this earth.
Yeah, yeah. That's kind of a cool name.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 You call him Stat.

Speaker 2 Statty.

Speaker 2 Stat Dog. Cup.

Speaker 4 Chew.

Speaker 2 Is there a man named Frederick Augustine? No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's no one named Statue. Well, then let's name your child Statue when it comes out.
Yeah, I will.

Speaker 2 Anything.

Speaker 2 There's so many things.

Speaker 2 There's so many things I just don't even know. You know what I mean? Gong.
Water.

Speaker 2 Wow. What? That's tough.
Well, there's. I met the Drinkwater family.
Drinkwater?

Speaker 2 So there's a clan of natives. Their last name is Krishna.
Clan's probably not the word.

Speaker 2 Tribe. There it is.
There we go. Called Drinkwater.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, they could be clans.
No, I think that's pretty reserved for one group of people. Scaddish people? Vikings? Clans? Scaddish?

Speaker 4 What's Scaddish people? Yes.

Speaker 2 Is that

Speaker 2 Scottish? Scottish.

Speaker 2 Scad it. Yeah, but they all have Scottish accents.
Scambling of Obama. But I'm not a clan.
Read me the fucking definition of a clan. A clan is a group of people united by an actual.

Speaker 2 Wait, no, that's too. A group of close-knit and interrelated families, especially associated with families of the Scottish Highlands.
So I said Scottish, right? Whoa. Did I say Scottish? Scottish.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you know what I meant. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
But still, though.

Speaker 2 So it's clans or whites? Clans are whites. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Supremacists, usually.
Tribes are usually.

Speaker 2 Tribe would usually be native. Indigenous people.
Indigenous people. Yeah.
Even more.

Speaker 2 There you go. What's a group? What's a group of Asians?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dim sums. No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Panzus.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Look at all the ponzus over there.

Speaker 2 That sounds right.

Speaker 2 A noodle of Asians.

Speaker 2 No, because a noodle is one thing.

Speaker 2 Noodle is singular.

Speaker 4 Like a ramen of Nati.

Speaker 2 A ramen of Asians. A ramen.
Yeah. I could see the ponzu group.
There's got to be a panzu gang. There's no doubt about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Noodle gang doesn't sound scary.
Nope, it sounds awesome. Yeah, yeah.
I want to hang out with them. Wasabis.

Speaker 2 Ooh, we'll bite you. Wasabi claim.
Wasabi. Got a little sting.

Speaker 2 Do you like that? Is it scary? Wasabi.

Speaker 2 Yo, we're the wasabis. No, see, go to ponzu.
We're the ponzu. Sounds so cool.
Much more scary. The ponzu gang sounds fucking scary.
Yeah. They'll fuck you up.
Yeah. The Panzu gangsta.
How about

Speaker 2 the sneaky chopstick?

Speaker 2 That's one of the guys' names. Yeah, a sneaky chopstick.
Yeah, he's in the group.

Speaker 2 Is there a ponzu gang, dude? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I can't really find anything.

Speaker 2 There's an list of Asian gangs. Maybe Google that.
List of Asian gangs.

Speaker 2 He's giving you attitude ever since you boned his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Whoa, dude. Chung-Ching Yi.

Speaker 2 That's pretty on the point. Fullerton Boys out in fucking Fullerton, California.
That's That's cool, dude.

Speaker 2 The Kekang Pi, Korean, Kongpei, Snakehead, Gongpei, Snakehead, Gungpei, Tong, Chinese, Bing Kong Tong.

Speaker 2 Whoa, that's racist. I'm reading it.
Oh, that's all right.

Speaker 2 The Waki is tight. Waki, Chinese and Malaysian.
The Waki. And of course, we know the Yakuza.
Bamboo Union.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's real. That's real.

Speaker 2 No, Bamboo Union. It sounds like a breakdancing crew.
Yeah, the Fullerton boys. Why is the Yakuza so strong? Like, we all know their name.
You know the Yakuza.

Speaker 2 They're so big. They're so big.
I think it's because of the style.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because they're really cool. It's dressed.
Suits, tattoos to the wrists, missing finger. They all have one missing finger.
Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah.
Like this one. Why? The ring finger.

Speaker 2 I think it's either it's to dedicate yourself to the. Like you're married to the game? I think so, yeah.
Oh, that's kind of tight.

Speaker 3 These are the Fullerton boys.

Speaker 2 Oh, let me see the Fullerton boys. They don't look Asian.
Yeah, they look Mexican.

Speaker 4 You guys sound so disappointed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm so disappointed. Well, we just

Speaker 2 employees.

Speaker 2 That's just a poster in Bobby's room. Yeah.
That's one class at UCLA.

Speaker 2 Wait, show me the Yakuza. Let me see images of the Yakuza because you know they're.
Yeah. Yeah.
See, that guy's 90.

Speaker 4 I thought he was wearing a shirt.

Speaker 2 Dude, look at that guy. Wait, I feel like I know this guy.

Speaker 2 I'm serious. You saw him at Open Mic Night or something? No, he's.

Speaker 2 Okay, zoom in on that photo, dude.

Speaker 2 Can you zoom in? Yeah. The guy to the far left, he doesn't belong.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 Look at the guy to the far left. Yep.
I see him. What's wrong with him? He's not Asian.

Speaker 2 He could be half Asian. No, zoom in.

Speaker 4 I thought you meant his tattoo is different.

Speaker 2 No, look at his face, dude. Look at his face, bro.

Speaker 4 That's why they're all looking at him like, who the fuck is that?

Speaker 2 Who the fuck is that guy? But does he look Asian to you?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 He's not. There's no way.
No. He's like Italian.
Maybe he's just badass. Dude, we better be careful.
These guys are going to fucking kill us.

Speaker 2 I've never looked at the girl. She would fucking kill us.
She would fuck you up. That's not your mom.

Speaker 2 But it looks a little bit like your mom. A little like my mom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She's got like, she got like Chinese stars in there and everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You got to be careful, dude.
These guys are going to kill us. You know that they're going to come fuck with us.
Hey, we're pro-Yakuza. We love you guys.
We love it.

Speaker 2 Fullerton boys, we love you guys.

Speaker 2 The Bamboo Crew. Love you boys.

Speaker 2 Chime. You know, when I was younger,

Speaker 2 I was terrible at banking. I was confused.
So bad.

Speaker 2 Overdraft charges. Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money.
I didn't know how to manage it. And also, no one was there to help.
But Chime understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 2 That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features like overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and much more, which definitely would have helped me when I was doing my PA jobs back in the day.

Speaker 2 Also, with qualifying direct deposits, you are eligible for free overdraft up to $200 or debit card purchases and cash withdrawal. You can learn more about it at chime.com/slash bad friend.

Speaker 2 Today, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion, right? You need a little bit of help. You need a little money quicker than normal because something pops up.
It always does.

Speaker 2 You open up a check-in account with zero monthly fees and no maintenance fees, and you got access to over 47,000 fee-free ATMs. That's more than the top three national banks combined.

Speaker 2 All those ATMs are there for you to use, and don't get clipped. You got to try Chime.
Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open an account in two minutes at chime.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 That's chime.com slash bad friends. Chime.
Feel like progress.

Speaker 5 Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bankor Bank NA or Stripe Bank NA, members of FDIC.

Speaker 5 Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission payment file.
Fees apply at out of network ATMs, bank ranking, and number of ATMs according to U.S.

Speaker 5 News and World Report 2023. Chime checking account required.

Speaker 2 Hydro. I got it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

Speaker 2 What is it? Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

Speaker 2 How ultimate is it? You may ask. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, and core, twice as efficient as cycling or running.
Just 20 minutes. All it takes to feel the results.
And this is true.

Speaker 2 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers.
The old ways are gone.

Speaker 2 Hydro's newest rower, the Hydro Arc, delivers such powerful results. GQ Magazine named it the best rower of 2025, and I agree.
You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today. We should get you one.

Speaker 2 Head over to hydro.com and use code Bad Friends to save up to $600 off on a hydro rower during this holiday season. That's hydro.
H-Y-D-R-O-W dot com.

Speaker 2 Code, of course, is Bad Friends to save up to $600.

Speaker 2 Hydro.com, code is Bad Friends.

Speaker 2 Ship Station. Oh, my God.
We have an online business here at Bad Friends. We're selling merch, and you better have to do it.
And we use Ship Station. That's right.

Speaker 2 The best time to prepare for growth is before the opportunity arrives, especially for online businesses.

Speaker 2 ShipStation sets you up for growth by directly integrating with every shopping cart and storefront.

Speaker 2 So your products are easier to find, easier to manage, and easier to get into the hands of happy customers. Don't wait until you're drowning in orders to find the right shipping solution.

Speaker 2 Upgrade to ShipStation today. Bob and I use ShipStation on the show.
We have for a long time in regards to our merch, baby. They are great.
They get it out.

Speaker 2 And here's the best part: ShipStation integrates to every platform, Amazon, Etsy, eBay, Shopify, making it easy to manage all your shipping from one simple dashboard.

Speaker 2 You can maximize your sales with minimal effort, my friends. 98% of companies that use ShipStation for one year become customers for life.
That's incredible. That's amazing.
98% of them.

Speaker 2 That's so amazing. Join over 130,000 companies who have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation.
We use it. We love it.
You should too if you're looking to ship something out.

Speaker 2 Go to shipstation.com today and sign up with the promo code Bad Friends for a free 60-day trial. Two months.
Start up today and get up, set up before the biggest shipping season of the year.

Speaker 2 That's two months for free. Visit shipstation.com, click the microphone at the top and type in the code bad friends, shipstation.com.

Speaker 2 Click on the microphone at the top and type in the code bad friends. Shipstation, make ship happen.

Speaker 2 This episode is brought to you by Ridge Wallet. The Ridge Wallet holds up to 12 cards plus room for cash.

Speaker 2 There's over 30 colors and styles, including the Hennessy Performance, the Carbon Fiber, and Burnt Titanium. These wallets are over 50,000 five-star reviews, and they come with a lifetime warranty.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to say this to you. Bobby gave me a Ridge Wallet on one of the very first couple of episodes I did of his other podcast,

Speaker 2 Whatever you were. Silly boy or whatever.
Silly, silly boys. Silly boys.

Speaker 2 And he gave me the carbon fiber one. I still have it to this day.
And guess what? I'm not kidding. It's fallen out of my pocket, and it never broke.
It never snapped. It never got damaged.

Speaker 2 Stayed tough. May I say something? I'm not going to read the copy.
I want to be real for one moment, okay? The Ridge wallet is the only wallet I use. It's right.
It is compact. It's stylistic, right?

Speaker 2 It's just, you know, all the other, all the cards slip out of the other wallets. They look messy, this and that.
The Ridge Wallet is my wallet for life.

Speaker 2 RFID blocking technology protects you from digital pickpocketers, which is huge.

Speaker 2 Here's a special bonus for our listeners: with every dollar spent on the website before September 30th, you'll be entered to win a brand new upgraded Ford Bronco. Oh, my God.
What? Buy a wallet?

Speaker 2 You might win a car. Or $75,000 if you prefer.
The winner will be announced in October. Get your Ridge wallet and enter the chance to win a Ford Bronco.
Go to ridge.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 Use the coupon code badfriends. Bad friend to enter.
That's ridge.com/slash bad friends. Bad friends.
They're probably arresting this guy because they caught him for 50 years. Yakuza boss.
Oh.

Speaker 2 He was sentenced to hanging. Whoa.
They hung him? How long ago was that?

Speaker 3 Last year.

Speaker 2 Whoa, they hung the Yakuza guy last year. Wow.
Uh-oh. They still do hangings, huh? In, where was that? In Japan.
Dude, Japan is so cool.

Speaker 2 Why, kings are cool. Well, I mean, it's like, yeah, kind of.
It is pretty cool. I mean, it's like, that's a way to punish people, I guess.
You know?

Speaker 2 Would you? Would you, like, back in the day, you know, the villagers used to come out and witness it.

Speaker 2 Like, it it was like a Sunday night Sunday Sunday football game I know exactly what I would do where would you go I would I would I would starve myself before the hanging and I would and I would make sure that my pants barely fit so the moment I dropped in the rope pit my penis would come out my pants would fall down oh you mean if you were hungry yeah yeah yeah so I get one last laugh yeah so then I'd be like my dick would be out at every I'd be just swimming

Speaker 2 and I'd laugh my way out I would be concerned about what my face was doing when I died

Speaker 2 wouldn't you focus on like what your face would look like no because you can't I can't.

Speaker 4 That's why he'll do the figure.

Speaker 2 So that's why I'm doing the dick thing. No, I would do this.
The things around my neck, and I would go like this.

Speaker 2 To freeze like that.

Speaker 2 And hopefully, when it hangs, it hangs like that. Or, you don't be really sick? Yeah.
Same thing with my loose pants. Starve myself, loose pants, one little stream.
Nobody wants to see your dick.

Speaker 2 No, dude, I'm going to tuck it in my ass. I'm going to tuck it in my ass.
I'm going to see that. That way, when it hangs, man, gina, and then as I let go all my muscles,

Speaker 2 it comes right out. Right.
People are going to die laughing.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go out with a fucking laugh, dude. Yeah, even if...

Speaker 2 If you saw the dick out of my butt,

Speaker 2 you'd be like, this guy's a little bit. Even if you and I, right, went to see his hanging, we'd be sad, right? No.

Speaker 2 No, at first we would be like, oh my God, we're going to see Andrew Hung today, right? And then you would hang, and we would look up and go,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 I like it. It would be fun.

Speaker 2 I like it. It would be fun.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you for the laugh.
And you go, that's my boy. That's my boy right there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, little dick. Little dick over there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 So we would know it's coming now. So as we're waiting, everyone's crying.
We probably would be like, just wait for it.

Speaker 2 Oh, you'd think that we would know that you

Speaker 2 would tell you guys. Now we know.
Oh, I would sell it out. You would? Oh, yeah, like a bringer room.

Speaker 2 You'd promote my hanging. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, how happy would you be? You're going to get a huge laugh.

Speaker 2 And I'm inviting CAA. I'm bringing agents, publicists.
Oh, yeah. The Hollywood Reporter.
By the way, this is a great sketch. You guys come into my hanging? Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're like, we'll see if we can be there. The agents for sure show up late.
They're like, he's already hung. We had a dinner.
I know, right? We had a dinner. Couldn't make it.

Speaker 4 How was it, though?

Speaker 2 Yeah, was it good? Did you do well? He crushed? All right, good shit. I crushed his neck.
But what's that one called? Is it the one with the guillotine? Guillotine. Guillotine.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is that the one where the thing comes down?

Speaker 2 Yes, the big...

Speaker 2 It chops your head off. Yeah, yeah.
That, no.

Speaker 4 Well, I've heard after the head gets chopped off, they've reported that the... The person's head will say something.

Speaker 2 Or it'll still move for a second.

Speaker 4 Yeah, like it's still alive after it's...

Speaker 2 It'll say something? I've heard it. Like what? I don't know.

Speaker 2 How?

Speaker 2 Like, what does it say? What does it say? That's an opportunity for a joke, too. Yeah, you're right.
I didn't do it. Yeah.
I didn't do it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right as your head gets chopped off in a guillotine and it rolls. No, I know what I would say.

Speaker 2 Chopped off, roll.

Speaker 2 Tada.

Speaker 2 Tada would be good. Ta-da.
Ta-da.

Speaker 2 What would you do?

Speaker 4 I'd say, the treasure is buried.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 that's such a good one. And they'd be like, where? Where?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So they're panicking.
And they'd try to put your head back on. Come on, come on.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What would I say if it felt

Speaker 2 if I was decapitated and my head fell off and it rolled around for a second and they came up to me, and my last words would be,

Speaker 2 I was going to say something awful and I just held my tongue. I know what it was.
Go ahead. What you were going to say.
What? I can't say it. Yeah, I know.
I can't either. Yeah, I know.
It's bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Imagine this was appointment viewing before we had, you you know, TGIF, before

Speaker 2 it was like Friday night sitcom night. This was people getting together in town.
They're like, they dressed up. They're like, what time are you going to be there?

Speaker 2 This is what was gross about it. It was like for fun.

Speaker 2 This was the jam. I don't think I would go.
I'd be that one guy. Like, have you ever been? I go, nah, I've passed on every time.
I have such good tickets. You have to come with me.
I can't.

Speaker 2 You have box seats? Box? Dude, I'm on the floor. You're on the floor? And we can go VIP.
We can go backstage. Really? You can touch the knife.
Because my grandfather has the nosebleed seats.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we can never see anything. You can't see shit from up there.
All right, I'll try one day. You got to be down on the floor.
And then I show up, and it's going to be like a Gallagher show.

Speaker 2 Shit. It's going to be like watermelon, but blood.
Somebody's selling one of those. They sell those.

Speaker 2 Those smocks. They're like, this is a splash on.

Speaker 2 You guys will get hit with blood. Right.

Speaker 4 I'm going to be seating.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you'll be.

Speaker 2 You'll be working the door. Yeah.
Juicy is working the door. She's selling booths at the fucking, at the guillotine.
She's like, look, if you want to be closer, it's $100.

Speaker 2 I don't know what you want to sell. Maybe it's like a baseball game when they catch the head, they get excited.
Like, I got it. I got it.

Speaker 2 Some kid. Now give it to a kid.

Speaker 2 You can't keep it. Yeah, yeah.
Dude, that's so funny. Like, that, like,

Speaker 2 live nation presents the hanging. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 One of these promoters, these massive promotions. What if you don't sell out, though? How sad.
How sad. Yeah.
Ticketmaster is like, look, dude, this event did not do well. Well, you're there, right?

Speaker 2 And you're about to do it, and you see the numbers, and there's like three guys there. Your agent comes up to you right before they kill you, and he's like, Listen, dude, 60% is still, it looks good,

Speaker 2 right? It looks more full than it is for sure, but it's it

Speaker 2 no one's gonna, it's great. This is a market we're building on, yeah, but you're sitting there right, and I hear somebody going, I thought this was Ronnie Chang's fucking hand,

Speaker 2 right? You're like, I can't even, yeah, that's that's what we sell it as someone else, yeah,

Speaker 2 and they're like, This is not Bill Burr, this is not his guillotine.

Speaker 2 We're getting out of here, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that'd be terrible.
Go sell selling tickets to a fucking local.

Speaker 2 You know what they also used to do, though? That's insane, too. Like burning, witch burning and shit.
They would just burn people in the town square. Town square was like the spa.
It was a spa.

Speaker 2 That's where you used to get fucking murked up. The witch burning shit was wild.

Speaker 2 They would just find a chick that said like no to her husband. They're like, light her on fire.

Speaker 2 It was nuts, dude. It was like a woman being like, I don't want to do that.
And they're like, she's a witch. Light her on fire.

Speaker 4 Well, they'd be like, if she is a witch, she'll get out of this fire.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 4 But if she's not a witch, we fucked up.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, one down. Whatever.
You got to lose, you win some, you lose some, you know? But let me just say something. It's insane.

Speaker 2 If the witch was super hot, would you be like, ah, they wouldn't burn her. You don't think they would? This is the thing.

Speaker 2 Our society's been obsessed with looks our whole forever since the beginning of time.

Speaker 2 We reward good-looking people. So even if they're bad, we're not going to punish them.

Speaker 2 They're too hot. If Brad Pitt fucking did something atrocious, we'd all be like, I don't know.
Did he really? And they'd be like, we have proof. And then we'd be like, I don't know.
Yeah. That's Brad.

Speaker 2 That sucks, man. Yeah.
He's too hot. Do you think you would be burned? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I'd get burned.

Speaker 2 Make no mistake. Yeah.
Everyone in this room is getting burned. I don't think you.
I'm getting burned. No, no, they're burned.
Fuck you. I'm getting burned.
I've met girls since I've been single.

Speaker 2 What did you say? He's getting burned. Dude, you're walking on fucking thin.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's nuts.

Speaker 2 You came back here from spain with a fucking attitude yeah i'm sick of it dude listen here elote boy you need to cut it the fuck out look at that the elote shit got both of these guys yeah what did you do in spain put the mic near your mouth rudy

Speaker 2 what was your family is your family good yeah my family's good and you you spent time with them yeah what was one thing that you did with them

Speaker 3 i went on a euro trip

Speaker 2 You toured Europe? Yes. Fuck, man.
You are so boring. So boring.
It's nuts. What did you do? I did miss you a lot.

Speaker 3 I was like, every day, it's like, what are they doing now? They're probably shooting bad friends.

Speaker 2 Did you miss us? Oh, yeah. He didn't miss us at all.

Speaker 4 He didn't? I thought he was serious.

Speaker 2 No, he's not. He's being facetious.
It's the noise. Yeah, we're going to the Philippines next month together.
Yeah. For how long? For a week.
Yeah. I can't wait.
What are you guys doing there?

Speaker 2 So exciting. I'm doing my talent show.

Speaker 3 We're doing Bobby's talent show.

Speaker 2 Oh, right. Oh, that's right.
This is the voice? Yeah. Yeah, I do my talent show there.

Speaker 2 Are you making money on this? No. I'd like to do my talent show.
Probably lose some money.

Speaker 2 I think I've already lost 20 grand, right?

Speaker 2 You're paying 20 grand to go to the Philippines to do my own talent show. But why? I'm filming it.
Right, to just put it on the internet? No.

Speaker 2 Netflix? I want to pitch it as a show. Oh, what's it called? Bobby Lee's talent show.

Speaker 2 That's cool.

Speaker 3 Bobby Lee's talent distrapanza.

Speaker 2 Tale extravaganza. I'm going to wear a monocle, right? Did you get it? Yes.
And a cane.

Speaker 2 Okay. No, because I want to be like that guy from Jurassic Park, the very first one.
I I was thinking of the Monopoly guy. Something like that.
Richard Attenborough. Yeah, Richard Attenborough.

Speaker 2 I'm going to come up and pretend I have a limp. Right.
I want to welcome to my talent show. Oh, do you have an accent the whole time? Yeah, yeah.
Wow. Yeah.
Bonjour. I don't know.
Oh, you're French.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. They're not going to know any difference.
They're Filipinos.

Speaker 2 You're ready for the time of your life, right?

Speaker 2 Ah!

Speaker 2 Right? There's going to be dancing and stuff like that. And then I'm going to film a talent show.
Because the last time I did it was the greatest night of my life. Of your life.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 It was the best. I thought someone was going to die.
It was amazing.

Speaker 3 This is a midlife crisis. We're, you know, going back to that moment.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm going through a midlife.
You know. Are you really? I'm going through a crisis.
Yeah. You think so? Oh, yeah.
I think you feel good. You look good.
No, I feel

Speaker 2 lost.

Speaker 2 Bob. What?

Speaker 4 I feel lost. When did this start?

Speaker 2 I can take a guess. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Last three or four months, I've been kind of lost.

Speaker 4 That's exactly when we started working together.

Speaker 2 Exactly, the timing. A midlife crift happens anywhere 40 to 60 years old.
And I got to tell you, it affects men and women. No, that part I don't believe.
Yeah, I think we're not.

Speaker 2 I think it's almost always a male thing.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I had a midlife crisis at 19.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Not a real thing.
Not a real thing.

Speaker 2 Do you know what it is? I've said this before on this show. It's a midlife assessment.
It means you're like reassessing, because what you do is it's actually a positive thing.

Speaker 2 It has a negative connotation, but I think it's the opposite.

Speaker 2 The reason that people have a quote-unquote midlife crisis is because you've lived enough life where you can actually look back and go, Wow, I've lived a lot of life.

Speaker 2 What do I want to change in the future so I don't repeat mistakes from prior? That I want to grow and be happy. And like, it's usually because your life is going, Hey, it's time for a shift.

Speaker 2 We have to move into a new part of our life. I think it's a positive thing.

Speaker 3 That's when you buy the new car.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I got a new car.

Speaker 4 You did that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But that's not always.

Speaker 2 It's not like you bought an obnoxious douchebag car and fucking. but for me it was you know I used to drunk drive shit cars.

Speaker 4 Yeah, your last car was always covered in bird shit

Speaker 2 It was

Speaker 2 and you would what was okay Let's talk about my last car. What was in there?

Speaker 4 And I know from working a lot because I'd have to drive it and you'd pull in and I don't even remember but it was like a Toyota or a Honda or something.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And

Speaker 2 it was just like piles of trash and dirty and dirty. It's disgusting.
And now it's Rudy's car. Yeah, now Rudy has it.
These are the symptoms of a midlife crisis. Oh, let me see.
Feeling sad. good.

Speaker 2 Ask me the questions. Ask me the questions.

Speaker 2 Don't look at it. Don't just look at me.
I'm looking at you. Do you feel sad? Yes.
Or do you lack confidence? I lack confidence. Both.
Especially after a big milestone accomplishment or a birthday.

Speaker 2 Like on your birthday or when something big happens, do you still feel sad or do you lack confidence? Yes. Okay.
Do you feel bored often? Yes.

Speaker 2 Do you feel like you've lost meaning or purpose in your life? Yes. Okay.

Speaker 2 We're four for four. Do you feel unfulfilled in life? Yes.
Five for five. Do you have feelings of nostalgia? Oh, yeah.
Do you excessively think about the past?

Speaker 2 Like during the day, do you just constantly think about the past? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you make impulsive actions? No.

Speaker 2 But I have impulsive thinking. Okay.
Do you have feelings of regret?

Speaker 2 No. Okay, so no.
Didn't hit all the targets. Okay, so.
Yeah. You have to have all the symptoms for it to be real.

Speaker 2 No, you don't. I'm a doctor.

Speaker 2 Not. No.

Speaker 2 It's a feeling of like, it's a feeling, I think what happened was, you know, you see people die, you know, that you know, right?

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. Right.
Uh-huh. And then you kind of

Speaker 2 think about their age and you know what your age is. And you kind of d do some math.
And you think you're going to die? I mean, Bob was 65, right? And I'm 50. So it's like, you know.

Speaker 2 But Bob, that is a freak action. I know.
My point is that you still think that way. No, no, I'm saying you're right.
He was healthy. You should die way before healthy.

Speaker 2 I know. He was a healthy person.
That's the thing.

Speaker 2 So it's like you don't know.

Speaker 2 And you kind of go, you know, I want to do something different and I want to just milk these next

Speaker 2 chapters of my life.

Speaker 2 What are you going to do? How do you milk it? Well, for instance, I'm not as scared anymore. Of what? What were you scared of? I used to get really nervous on set.

Speaker 2 For a film or a movie? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And now I just don't feel that.

Speaker 2 Which is cool. That's great.
I got to be honest. I feel that.
I have that too. But also,

Speaker 2 a piece of me

Speaker 2 thinks it withholds me from living in the moment sometimes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you but you also think like are they like I don't I'm not I'm not more like I used to be focused on do they think that I'm good or do they am I doing it right or all those kind of questions and those questions are like not there anymore like I don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 But it's all a no. You're not doing good.

Speaker 2 Nobody cares. Yeah, nobody cares.
I feel that way, but I feel like it's a detriment. I miss the fear a little bit.

Speaker 4 Maybe. But you should always be living like you're not going to live tomorrow.

Speaker 4 So having that wonder of like what's going to happen if I die soon, even no matter what your age is, obviously it probably gets worse as you get older.

Speaker 2 It does.

Speaker 4 And I know it does for me, but

Speaker 4 it's good to think about that.

Speaker 2 Well, how old are you now, Juice?

Speaker 4 Again? 32? I'm 32, but I remember partying a lot in my late teens, early 20s, and doing psychedelics and, you know, thinking about death more.

Speaker 4 And then there was like a shift where I got... my life together kind of slowly.
But, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I guess. But there's also

Speaker 2 there's something that happened the other day at the improv, and I can't, I want to name the person, but I know a woman who did comedy maybe when I started doing comedy, she was a headliner, and then I didn't see her for like many, many years.

Speaker 2 But I've seen her around lately, and she comes to me, and she's much, so much older and needy. And she comes to me, she's like, I don't know what happened.

Speaker 2 It's like when evaluating potential hires for your small business, it's essential you look beyond resumes. Sure, a candidate may appear impressive on paper, but understanding the person is crucial.

Speaker 2 LinkedIn, the world's largest professional network, provides a complete view of your candidate's skills, experiences, and interests.

Speaker 2 With LinkedIn's up-to-date data, you can be confident that you really know who you're hiring. Post your free job at linkedin.com slash achieve.
That's linkedin.com/slash achieve.

Speaker 2 Terms and conditions apply. I can't get spots anymore.
I'm going to all these clubs. No one knows me.
And it's like, you know, I still got it. I still got it.
Is this Nikki Glazer?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. You know what I mean? And, you know what I mean? And I kind of want to look at our and go,

Speaker 2 like, it's, I want to say it's over, you know,

Speaker 2 but it's like, I'm not there, and I don't want to get there. No one needs to say that to anybody.
I didn't say that. No, but I'm saying.
I always go, they'll figure out. I always say, keep trying.

Speaker 2 They'll get there on their own. Yeah.
But you see that kind of desperation and you kind of go, yeah, I'm in a good place right now, you know? Yeah, you're very blessed. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because, you know, it can all go away.

Speaker 2 Okay, now I'm really scared.

Speaker 4 I was feeling pretty confident before this conversation.

Speaker 2 I don't know why

Speaker 2 this pod went to this direction. Let's switch it up.
I don't think we can. Let's stay here.
I like it. Yeah, yeah, I like it.
Yeah. What are you scared about? Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 Something that I'm afraid of is the more people get to know me, like, on a bigger scale, like a public scale, they will like me less.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 That is so real. It's so real.
And can I tell you something?

Speaker 2 No, we're right. And they will hate you.
Yeah. They will hate you.
Here's the problem.

Speaker 4 Me personally?

Speaker 2 No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The royal, the royal. Like, I spoke to another comic on the phone the other night, and

Speaker 2 we were just kind of fucking lamenting about, you know.

Speaker 2 Sometimes the pressure from doing the thing, the thing that you want, makes you question yourself more than you ever did when before

Speaker 2 less people knew you, but it didn't matter. Right.
And it still doesn't matter, quote unquote, but like it's scary. Because look, we do this show.
We do all this stuff.

Speaker 2 So many people see us and you want to connect with them and you want to grow with them and you want to have fun. But sometimes they hate you just because, or they, you know, they...

Speaker 2 They find things to get upset or annoyed or whatever about because they enjoy you.

Speaker 2 So naturally, sometimes they're going to be like, I don't like when Juicy does that.

Speaker 2 And you're like, but why? Yeah. Who cares? So it's going to happen.
The more bigger, the bigger you get, you'll have some people that will. Like, I read a comment yesterday.

Speaker 2 It was a direct message from a guy, and he goes, You're 10,000 times funnier than Andrew Santino. Yeah.
And I thought, that's my friend.

Speaker 2 That's my buddy. Don't tell him I wrote you that.

Speaker 2 That was you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Just kidding.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's the smooth sack summer.

Speaker 2 You got a smooth sack.

Speaker 2 That's why, because of Manscape, man. Yeah, you do.
You manscape that smooth, beautiful sack.

Speaker 2 And I got to tell you, if anybody doesn't know, when you're playing in the summer sun, make sure that you're smooth. You know, you want that pube to your butt all soft and baby smooth like Bobby.

Speaker 2 The Manscape Performance Package 4.0 has everything you need to prepare that summer bod.

Speaker 2 Inside this package, you'll find their Lawn Moore 4.0 trimmer, weed whacker, ear and nose hair trimmer, crop preserver ball deodorant, crop reviver toner, performance boxer briefs, and a travel bag to hold your goodies.

Speaker 2 What else do you need, man? That Lawnmower 4.0, I love that. They have a SkinSafe technology, so you're not going to nick your sack.
I've told you that.

Speaker 2 If you nick your sack, you've done it once, you never want to do it again, you get scared, but you got to be able to clean up safely. The SkinSafe technology does that with the Lawnmower 4.0.

Speaker 2 It's got a 7,000 RPM motor. Vroom, vroom, dude.

Speaker 2 Manscaped even threw in two free gifts to their Performance Package 4.0, the Manscaped Boxers and Shed Travel Bag that will bring your comfort to another level. My favorite part is it's waterproof.

Speaker 2 That's one of the best things. So you can shave your nuts in the shower where they belong.
All right, so how do you get this? How do you get a smooth sack summer, Bob?

Speaker 2 Get 20% off and free shipping with code badfriends at manscaped.com. That's 20% off free shipping with the code badfriends at manscape.com.
It's smooth sack summer boys.

Speaker 2 Get on board or get left behind. Today's episode is brought to you by True Classic.
Hey, Andrew, you know, the only thing that I wear on my upper body is t-shirts, right? I love t-shirts.

Speaker 2 And I love True Classic. It's amazing.
Finding that perfect fit shirt can be terrible. And I know I have a really weird body.
You do have such a weird body. I swear.

Speaker 2 The thing is either way too tight, has a case of bacon neck, or is just plain big and boxy. Luckily, True Classic wants to make every man look good and feel good in their tees.

Speaker 2 Tighter fit in the chest and sleeves to make your arms pop, baby, looking jacked. And room in the torso to keep things cozy.
Plus, all their styles are super soft and pocket-friendly.

Speaker 2 So guys, no excuses. Get rid of those ratty t-shirts that you got laying around.
I know you've been hanging on to them for years and years. It's time to upgrade.

Speaker 2 Almost all men's t-shirts are designed to look good on a certain body type. Think skinny models with six packs, but most of us aren't packing anything but a few beers.
A few sandwiches, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with that, guys. I have it.
My dudes, it's simple. You are wearing the wrong clothes.
It's more than just a t-shirt company.

Speaker 2 They got all the menswear staples that you need right now. Polos, workout shirts with the same flattering fit.
You got to check them out. Check it out.
Here's what you do.

Speaker 2 We got an exclusive deal for the listeners. We want to hook you up with some true classic, baby, for a limited time.
Only get 25% off with the code badfriends at trueclassic.com.

Speaker 2 That's 25% off the code, badfriends at trueclassic.com.

Speaker 2 And when they say, Andrew Santino's, you know what I mean, not all that, and all that stuff, and I just feel bad, and I just go, no, that's not true. It's not really true.
Well, it's true.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter, yeah. You know, yeah, I read something that said a guy was like,

Speaker 2 Santino's not a

Speaker 2 comedian as much as he is a host of like a Disney show or something like that.

Speaker 4 Oh, I saw that too, actually.

Speaker 2 Did you really? It was on trash. Yeah, it's weird.
It was like the first thing I saw. And I just made mine up, by the way.
I was just trying to do a joke. No, no, no, I know.
This was real.

Speaker 2 This was real.

Speaker 2 No, I know that was real. I don't want you to go through a midlife crisis right now.
No, no. I'm having a really good time.

Speaker 2 When I I was on Animal Practice, Little Rolling Stone magazine said that Bobby Lee and another guy, I forgot, maybe Tyler LeBine that was on it, right? I love that guy.

Speaker 2 He said, Rolling Stone said, these are sitcom killers.

Speaker 2 To you and Tyler? Yeah. Like in a bad way? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This is not going to last. You know what I mean? Is there any truth to that? And this is their last chance.
Worst TV of 2012.

Speaker 2 Well, I never got haters from Rolling Stone. Wait, wait, wait.
Is that wait? That's the show I was on? It's the worst TV of 2012.

Speaker 2 I got to tell you. Yeah, yeah.
You got number five. Five worst TV on.
God, you're not even number one.

Speaker 2 It's so crazy. I mean, if you're going to be the worst, at least be like me.
Look at me, Tom. We're fucking, we're 7% on Rotten Tomatoes.
We're down there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I don't mind when people.
No, but listen, Juice.

Speaker 2 People are going to love you even more who really know you. They're going to love you.
And then you're going to have some haters, but I don't know. Who gives the fuck? Who cares?

Speaker 4 Yeah, you just have to, I guess, just be courageous and keep stepping into just being yourself. But stand-up is such a thing where you they want you to talk about your personal life.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 So you have to give more of yourself, but you just have to put yourself up for the judgment and stuff.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because it's going to happen, dude. People are going to love you and dislike you.
Oh, so you can't foresee. Animal practice 17, 17.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 Pretty fucking bad. Almost as bad as me time.

Speaker 2 Almost as bad as me time. You're right.
Except a lot of people saw our movie. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I thought that was going to be a cultural phenomenon.

Speaker 4 But only six people rated it.

Speaker 2 I literally thought this is going to change. That's even more embarrassing.
Yeah, two

Speaker 2 of these critics. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What does that go up to popular TV on Tomato? Oh, wait, do they have my photo down there? Please know. Yeah.
Yeah, they do. Doctor.

Speaker 2 I hate that photo of you, by the way. Yeah.
I hate that photo because

Speaker 2 it's like a fat, weird character. It looks like a caricature of you.
It's not even you. I like your hair, though.
Thank you. I think it's cool and crazy.
No, do you think he's Kim Wheatley?

Speaker 2 No, Bobby's to the left. Oh, sorry.

Speaker 4 My bad. Yeah.

Speaker 2 People are going to throw shade. Also, people are going to love you because of how fucking great you are.
But also, you can't foresee how things are going to change.

Speaker 2 We don't know what the business is going to do. Like, for instance, 20 years ago,

Speaker 2 I never thought that podcasting was ever going to be a thing. Yeah.
Right? So I was always just doing stand-up and thing. It wasn't even in my reality.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then after a while, you're like, oh, I think I'm just going to be a road comic. I mean, this is really.
And then podcasting became a thing. And then I did that.

Speaker 2 And it kind of restarted a lot of elements of my career.

Speaker 2 So you don't know what's in the future. Just go with the flow.
Adapt. Right.

Speaker 2 And change.

Speaker 3 Eventually you'll start making shitty movies. That's when you know you made it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I can't wait. Do you see this guy's taking shots at us all day? All day.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm, you know, let me back myself up a little bit. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm a really funny motherfucker in that movie. You are.
And you know what I'm going to do, Fancy?

Speaker 2 And I said this at the press day, which I don't think Netflix liked, but I was like, someone was like, you know,

Speaker 2 what should you tell people about the movie? And I was like, only watch my scenes.

Speaker 2 And the press guy was like, what? And I was like, I'm going to, on Instagram, I'm going to time code only my scenes, so you can just jump through to watch just me. Met that guy? Yeah, Dick.

Speaker 4 When I went to meet that uh commercial agent he was telling me about how bobby was the king back in the day booking commercials and how one time you booked this commercial for maxwell coffee and the role was literally for a white guy in a suit and bobby booked it and he asked you what were you wearing for the audition you were dressed just like you are now You still booked it.

Speaker 2 And you still booked it. No, it was.

Speaker 2 The description was, we want an older Brad Pitt in a turtleneck,

Speaker 2 right? And he's going to be chopping wood in the forest. I see it.
Right? Yeah. And I, and he, and I go, submit me.

Speaker 2 And my agent goes, he's Korean.

Speaker 2 And he goes, you're not going to submit me. Do you know why? Because there was no dialogue.
And when there's no dialogue in commercial auditions, they ask you, what was your weekend like?

Speaker 2 Like, there's no auditions. They just want to see what you're because it because the whole commercial is me just drinking coffee on a thing, right?

Speaker 2 So they'll just ask you, like, what was your weekend? And I knew that I would be able to kill with my words. Yeah.
So I just knew that I would be able to win them over with just talking. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So any of any, I don't care what it is. Big fat black lady, submit me.

Speaker 2 Submit me.

Speaker 2 Do you think you're going to get that? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 What's wrong? I was just.

Speaker 2 What's your attitude right now? I was thinking about something else. What were you thinking about?

Speaker 2 I was just thinking about when she had said that you used to like kill it back in the day.

Speaker 2 What's wrong? When she said that, it made me feel a type of way because it was like, Bobby was the king of commercials. Yeah, no, I know.

Speaker 2 And then I felt this thing where I was like, that's right, dude. My best friend was the king.
But then I looked at you and I was like, but the king has fallen.

Speaker 2 I didn't mean it like that. Yeah, why did you set me up for king?

Speaker 4 Because you don't do commercials no more.

Speaker 2 But you know the way she said it? She was just like, yeah, they had to take his crown away. Yeah, the crown's gone.
Because he didn't know where he was. He started to forget what room he was in.

Speaker 2 That's how she said it.

Speaker 2 That is exactly how you said it. That's how you said it, Jim.
You set me up for failure. My bad.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So sweet.
My bad. To the guillotine.
To the guillotine. Burn the switch.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
This is what we talked about. From France? No.

Speaker 2 Give it to me. Give it to me.
Give it to me. This is what we talked about last week.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You said you wanted an array of sunflower seeds for the studio. Yeah.
So we got sweet and salty, jumbo jalapeno, sweet and spicy,

Speaker 2 ridge, black crack, cracked, buffalo style, ranch, barbecue, dill pickle. We got it all.
Wow, thank you. And most importantly,

Speaker 2 I want to try those. And this is not an ad, but my God,

Speaker 2 these are Tate's cookies. I bragged about this last time.
Tate's makes the best, but these are the blueberry ones. I brought these for the staff at the comedy store because I love them so much.

Speaker 2 I want to see if they're as good as you say they are. Go ahead.
And I'm going to be real. Go ahead, be real.
All right. Because I love cookies.

Speaker 2 All right. So here I go.

Speaker 3 That's how you know he was the king of commercials. Look at that.

Speaker 2 Look at that.

Speaker 2 You know what I?

Speaker 2 Okay. I have to admit.
I have to admit.

Speaker 2 Out of all the cookies I've ever had in my lifetime. No.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
In fact, I just went to Boa yesterday and I got their fresh cookie.

Speaker 2 This is the best bite.

Speaker 2 That was

Speaker 2 the best first bite I've ever had with a cookie. The blueberry.
The blueberry.

Speaker 2 You can smell it. And you know what it is? The blueberry is soft,

Speaker 2 but the cookie's still crispy, cooked, crispy, cook. Hey, can I say this? Can I say this? Can I say this? Yeah.
That's fucking real blueberry, baby.

Speaker 2 Real. That's real blueberry blueberry.

Speaker 2 Baby. That's not fake, no fake.
No, this ain't no fake berry. This is a factory fucking berry.

Speaker 2 These are real fucking berry, dude. Wow, real blueberries.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, that voice you just did is the fucking. That's a commercial.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're going to book.

Speaker 2 That was a commercial audition. Oh, God.
How good is these cookies? These are so fucking cool. How do they get them so crispy and the blueberries to be so soft? How does that do that?

Speaker 2 Because these are crispy. And the butter.
It's a a buttery cookie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 What makes the cookies so deeply delicious? It's something we call the bake shop way.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Can we talk about now the thing I told you yesterday? Yeah, let's move on.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Untold Stories. The woman, the girl that didn't exist.
Untold. Untold stories.
It's a sports documentary series.

Speaker 2 They're all great. And let me tell you something.
What?

Speaker 2 Brocker way, the brothers brothers that do that,

Speaker 2 I couldn't be bigger fans of. They're so talented.
Trying to sit with these guys because they did my favorite documentary of all time, which I told you about.

Speaker 2 I know you don't give a fuck about baseball, but the Batterbastes of Baseball is the best documentary about sports I think I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 2 It's about Bing Russell, Kurt Russell's father, who bought a baseball team. Oh, wow.
Dude. You got to watch it.

Speaker 2 Is it an untold story?

Speaker 2 It's an untold? No, it's the same guys that made that. Untold is just a series.

Speaker 2 This was just a singular documentary they did before. All right.
So this Untold about Mantai Teo, it's it's called The Girlfriend that Digital. Do you know about this? Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 It's unfucking believable. So, Mantai Teo is an incredible, incredible football player that played at the University of Notre Dame.
A very

Speaker 2 from Hawaii. He's from Hawaii.
Mormon. He was Mormon, and they're a Catholic, hardcore.

Speaker 2 It's a Christian college that's known, that's rooted in Catholicism. It's in the Midwest.
That's their whole thing.

Speaker 4 So he's a fish out of water there.

Speaker 2 Well, no, he's a church kid, but he's a Mormon church. He's a star.
He's a star on the Notre Bain.

Speaker 2 Notre Bain. Bain, it is.
Yeah. Notre Bain.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's...

Speaker 2 It's Notre Bain. Notre Dame.

Speaker 2 Notre Dame.

Speaker 2 Notre Dame. Notre Dame is a...
A woman. Notre Bain baseball.
Notre Bain base. Well, it's not baseball.
It's baseball. Football, football.
He plays basketball. Is it baseball now?

Speaker 2 Notre Dame football team, right? He's a star, right? Yeah. He's a great linebacker, correct? Defensive dagger, right? Defensive, whatever he is.
He's in the backside. Defensive.

Speaker 2 Anyway, big star, right? And then his grandma dies, right? And then hours later, his girlfriend dies, right? And then he has to play this game.

Speaker 2 No, they're not together.

Speaker 2 Juicy's the best. Juicy's the best.
That would be a great story. Grandma, girlfriend, murder.
Yeah, murder. I don't think that's ever happened.
But who did what? Right.

Speaker 2 It would be tight if the grandmother was like, you fucking bitch.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And she took it.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? No.

Speaker 2 Good luck on your game, Matthew.

Speaker 2 My dad,

Speaker 2 he was basically, Mantaiteo was essentially catfished before catfishing even existed. This girl, of course, this girl that killed himself that his girlfriend didn't wasn't real.

Speaker 2 It was a man who

Speaker 2 this is the

Speaker 2 man. Well, first of all,

Speaker 2 this is when, and they say it in documentary.

Speaker 2 A subs. When this person, I know, let me explain.
When this person. Can you go to a different photo than this one? No, that's the one.

Speaker 2 It is is her.

Speaker 2 It's her now, but then she was a man. When she was catfishing, the football player, the guy on the top left, this person was a man when this was going on.

Speaker 4 And he'd only met her online or something?

Speaker 2 He never met her.

Speaker 2 He never met her. This guy, let me explain.
Catfish. This guy.

Speaker 2 This guy. This girl

Speaker 2 was a guy who pretended to be a girl online using someone else's photos. Okay.
Catfish. So this guy took photos from somebody else's account and pretended to be a girl by the name of Lalani.
Lalani?

Speaker 2 Lalani. Some shit.
Lalani.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm following now. Right, and then they developed a relationship.
So Mon Tai. That was the guy.
That was the guy. That's the guy.
That's before she was a woman.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
So fucking complicated. I know.
It's impossible to talk about it without someone being like, what is it? What are you saying? And you're like, I'm trying. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This person is someone else now. They're a different person.
They go by a different fucking name. This dude who happens to be gay.

Speaker 2 Is he gay?

Speaker 2 See, another twist. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know. Yeah, yeah.
I don't want to make assumptions. She didn't say what she is now.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I don't, dude.
Honestly. So did

Speaker 4 she fake her death?

Speaker 2 Yes. Fake the death.

Speaker 2 Because, and then she says, well, she pretends to be her brother, calls Mantai and says she has leukemia and she's dying. It's crazy.
She dies. But here's the twist.

Speaker 2 ESPN, everyone goes, Mantai's girlfriend dies, and her grandmother dies. Huge news, right?

Speaker 2 And it's like the story of this guy still winning and, you know what I mean, and still participating in the sport and killing it and this and that. And then

Speaker 2 the girl calls him four months later and says, I'm alive.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And here's the deal. Oh, I got chills.
Who released the article, Deadspin? Deads. Deadpin, yeah.
And Deadspin basically exposed it as fake. But here was what was wild.

Speaker 2 The media, this was also, you have to remember, this is what? This is probably

Speaker 2 2009.

Speaker 3 So it would have been the 2012 season.

Speaker 2 My bad. 2012.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I was three years off. No, no, no.
No, no, no. But essentially what was going on in the media was they were like,

Speaker 2 because he was catfished and they found out it was from this guy,

Speaker 2 that the media was like, he's gay and he's just afraid to be gay. And he's not.
But the media was like, yeah, he is. This is what he's hiding.
He's hiding that he's gay.

Speaker 2 And he was supposed to be like the first-round draft pick and he wasn't. Right.

Speaker 2 He still went pro. He did go pro.
He played. It didn't pan out.
It didn't pan out. The way it should have.

Speaker 4 Politics had a play.

Speaker 2 Well, here was the problem. This is something I think I said to you over the phone when you said we were like, you have to watch it.

Speaker 2 I was like, this is one of those times when, you know, when people say like language is getting woke and shit today? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That it's a good thing because you look back and you go, the whole media, ESPN, was like. Betty's a secret homo.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, seriously, and they were all laughing about it. And because because there wasn't people to go hey man you can't just throw that shit out there at people like that for no fucking reason.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Because what it did was it fucked with his psyche because he was like, I'm not gay.
I just got fucked over by the internet. It ruined him.
And everybody was like, yeah, you are.

Speaker 2 Before we got conscious over like just making up shit about people and what it do to them and hurt them. This guy had nothing to do with it.
He got catfished.

Speaker 2 They say he was naive and stupid and blah. People said all sorts of mean shit.
Dude, he's just an innocent guy that got fucked over and fell in love on the internet. How not weird is that?

Speaker 2 Every loser I'm friends with now falls in love with people on the internet constantly.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Can I ask a question? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, he's developed this relationship with a woman. Well, he thought it was a woman.
I know that he's been dating for how long? A year? Well, here's the problem. Here's another big hole.

Speaker 2 I'm just asking a question.

Speaker 2 Let me answer. All right.
The hole in the story is like they would take weeks off and not speak. Right.
And then sometimes they would speak a bunch and then not again.

Speaker 2 You got to remember, this is a college kid who plays football. But there was a lot of incidents like, she's like, let's FaceTime.
He'd be like, let's FaceTime. And it wouldn't work.

Speaker 2 And on her end, it wouldn't work. After the eighth time, you don't go, there's something weird.
No, but here's why we say that. You're privy to cat.
This is pre-catfish.

Speaker 2 Catfishing wasn't happening like it is now. When it happens now and people don't get it, I'm like, what's wrong with you? Right.
But then.

Speaker 2 I'm giving the benefit of the, I started following him on Instagram and I say, he's, you're an inspiration. I'm just saying then it didn't exist.

Speaker 2 So nobody fucking knew that that was a thing that you could. He hasn't followed me back yet, but he will.

Speaker 4 That's because Bobby's profile picture is Andrew.

Speaker 2 But let me ask you this, though, right? How long would it be able to cat, let's say you were single? Yeah, but in the current day and age, I would be weary of all this stuff.

Speaker 2 This guy had no fucking... But how long would you last, do you think, right now? Let's say I lived in Baltimore and I'm the hottest chick you've ever seen and we're talking online, right?

Speaker 2 How long would you wait? What's your name? Lilia.

Speaker 2 Save the name. How old are you? Gloria.
My name is Gloria. Gloria, how old are you? I'm 28.
Nice. What do you do? I work at an insurance firm.
Oh, are you in insurance sales?

Speaker 2 No, I'm in secretary right now for Montgomery. Oh, okay.
Insurance. Oh.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 How did you find out about me? I'm a huge fan. I saw your special.

Speaker 2 Thanks. And I'm a huge fan of Dave.
Oh, me too. I love you.

Speaker 2 Very cool. I like Gata more.

Speaker 2 Me too. Yeah, Gata's good.
Same. Yeah, yeah.
Dave's good, too. But you're like my fifth fifth favorite.
That would be third. Who's two? There's two more? I don't know their names.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 But when they come on, I'm like, oh, that's cool. Cool.
All right. Have a good day.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's it? Well, that would be. All right.

Speaker 2 You're my favorite guy on Dave. In fact, you know what? I saw Me Time, and I literally only watched it because you.
I mean, that movie was horrendous. But when you come on, you just spark.

Speaker 2 It just sparks. Thank you.
And it's like, wow, what a scene stealer. Sick.
Yeah. And also, I'm just, you know,

Speaker 2 I was adopted.

Speaker 2 Right, right. I sent you a picture.
Of what? I don't know. You tell me.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Is that your friend?

Speaker 2 Oh, you're penis. You're penisy, penis?

Speaker 2 Penis, penis, penis, penis.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 We've got to put a butthole picture in there. Yeah, butthole.
Yeah. Actually, I sent you pictures of me jerking off.
So one week.

Speaker 2 I got to play really fast back.

Speaker 2 So there's no way that would happen. Like, you wouldn't develop a relationship with somebody from Baltimore.
No, I would want to meet you in person. If I'm single and I'm looking to fucking meet you,

Speaker 2 I would want to meet you.

Speaker 2 But this is now, and now is different than then. Then it wasn't a thing.
No one knew. That was.
I think I'm getting catfished then. Are you serious? Well, there's...

Speaker 2 I don't know if I should talk about this. I don't want to get in trouble.
Is she from Baltimore? No, there's a couple of people. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Yeah, and it was Gloria. No.

Speaker 2 Well, there's a couple of instances, and I haven't done anything. You know, I'm single now, or I haven't done anything, right?

Speaker 2 But there's a couple instances where a couple of girls, like, if you're in Vegas, give me a call and i have their number is that catfishing no because if you're in vegas give them a call just be careful if you want to go meet them because why what would happen i don't know they could rob you or something yeah i think i happened to a friend of mine in vegas though yeah you don't want to just go meet strangers from no i would definitely do like a crowded place and bring a bodyguard or something

Speaker 4 yeah i would do a crowded place like let's meet at the bellagio that's a good movie though bobby goes to meet some ladies in vegas and gets kidnapped and we got to go save him i know but would we save him That's it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would. You would be reluctant that I would need you to because we're playing ourselves, right? So, you're but I would have so much to do and cancel just to get out there.

Speaker 4 And you know what that is?

Speaker 2 Yeah, plot, baby. That's right.
Yeah. I've got stuff going.
I'm in the middle of shooting the third season of Dave. You get canceled out there,

Speaker 2 captured. You get canceled out.
Wait a second. Wait a second.

Speaker 2 That would mean if I'm.

Speaker 2 If I disappeared

Speaker 2 and you're shooting Dave, you wouldn't take a week off.

Speaker 2 My schedule's nuts on that. You wouldn't take a week off?

Speaker 2 I don't think I could.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I would pay someone to go find you.

Speaker 4 I guess I'm alone then with whoever. Who would you pay?

Speaker 2 Imagine you have Doorstop. You have the store.
You got to work at the store. You can't give up those ships.
I think I could give up some ships to save Bob.

Speaker 2 You know, I honestly believe that Carlos would. Yeah, Carlos.

Speaker 2 I honestly believe you wouldn't. You wouldn't give a shit.
You're being annoying, and you know I would. I would go way out of my way.
You would?

Speaker 2 You would cancel. Would you lose your job at Dave? No.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't. Be honest.

Speaker 2 Lose my job?

Speaker 2 Let's suppose I'm captured by some guys

Speaker 2 in Vegas. Yadi Akuza.
The Bamboo Boys. The Bamboo Boys.
They got you. Right.
And they're like, you know,

Speaker 2 Andrew, quit Dave or Bobby's dead.

Speaker 2 That's tough. We're going to do it.
That's tough. We're going to see in the Hollywood Reporter that you quit because you're trying to get it.
Why do you guys want me to quit the show just to kill him?

Speaker 2 I don't know. We get off on it.

Speaker 2 Oh, boy, guys.

Speaker 2 Come on, man.

Speaker 2 The gun's loaded, and I'm like, Andrew, Andrew, I think they're fucking serious, man. I don't want to talk.
I think they are, too.

Speaker 2 Bob, I.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Okay, okay, let me talk to the leader. Let me talk to the leader.
Hey, dude, what going on? What? What's up? How are you? Pretty good, pretty good.

Speaker 2 What your answer? No, no, no. I'm Bamboo Boy.
Bamboo Boy, listen. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't want to kill my friend.

Speaker 2 I have somebody else you can kill.

Speaker 2 His name is Fancy B.

Speaker 2 I hate him. I know you do.
If I bring him to you, will you let my friend Bobby go? Yeah, well, you got to bring him now. I'll be there right now.

Speaker 2 I'm getting a private chat.

Speaker 2 Fancy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Here he is.
The switch. And then they kill him, they kill me, and they kill you.

Speaker 4 And I get away with the money.

Speaker 2 Damn it. This movie sucks.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 Juicy, you go ahead and sign us off.

Speaker 4 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Yeah, baby.