Bobby vs. Steve Hawking

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Hey, I want to promote a few things first of all badfriendsmer.com this stuff is on sale this great hat We have shirts We got all sorts of stuff go to bad friendsmer.com to get any of this stuff and also Bobby's excited to let you know that I've got some dates coming up to warm up for my new special.

I'm taping an hour.

I'm so excited.

Aren't you excited for me to do my hour?

Yeah, I'm going to Salt Lake City September 9th and 10th at Brea the 13th.

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Those stickers are going to be available

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They might be up now.

Go to AndrewSantino.com, andrewSantino.com, Salt Lake City, come out, Brea, California.

Come on out and see me, AndrewSantino.com.

I just shot this big goon in the face.

Well shot.

What'd you like?

We're playing Raid Shadow Legend.

Everyone knows.

Raid Shadow Legend.

I'm going into my battle right now, and I'm doing the campaign.

This is actually very cool.

And then I did that.

There's four of us together marching through this game.

The graphics are actually really good.

They're really good, the graphics.

Oh, I just killed

it.

I knew it was a good one.

This dragon looks a lot like me.

Yeah?

This year, Raid celebrates its third year anniversary.

These are my top three champions.

Coronar, Cleopaturks, by Stophus.

I love that he has a high-accuracy aura for all allies.

And these are our top three places to play.

I play in the shower.

You play in the shower?

Yeah, yeah.

I play it when I'm in bed.

That's the most time I play video games on my phone, is when I'm in the bed or when I'm in the backyard.

Sometimes I just sit outside by myself.

Basically, what we're saying, you can play it anywhere.

It's fun.

Anywhere.

Anytime.

You can do it on mobile or PC.

It's for both.

It's a great guy.

The graphics are insane.

They're console-level graphics.

And this month, Raid's got a non-stop schedule of special events and activities including Forge Past Season 3 with some amazing rewards on offer including a limited edition artifact set.

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But wait, here's

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We have big news.

Raid is giving everyone's favorite champion the upgrade he deserves.

You might have seen his struggle for awesomeness in some of Raid's hilarious videos, but finally, Death Knight is becoming a legendary champion.

It's something we've all been waiting for, waiting for.

And I can't wait to see how Ultimate Death Knight turns out, man.

There's never been a better time to get started.

New players, use our link or scan the QR code right here on the screen and get a free starter pack worth almost $30.

A free champion, and yeah,

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You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

We're bad friends.

Do you feel better when you get like a white limo driver or a white driver?

Do you like that more?

Yeah, but I don't like it because whenever...

If they know who I am, it's okay.

Yeah.

But sometimes when,

every time, if I get a white driver and they see it's me, they get bummed right away.

Why?

Because I look like I don't have money.

That's true.

Last night,

you did it.

Espy's After Party.

Yeah.

I don't know.

By the way, did you watch Espys?

Steph did stand-up.

Sarah Tiana wrote some of his stuff.

Chris Spencer,

who else?

He crushed, actually.

He's a really nice guy.

No, but he actually did really well at the Espy's.

Like, he roasted a little bit.

It was kind of fun, man.

Yeah, because even when me and Kalai did his game show, you know, his wife at Game Show, he was very funny and loose.

He's a dope dude.

He's a good dude.

What?

He's very charismatic.

Yeah.

He's extremely.

That's that your guy, though, right?

Spud Webb, that's your guy?

This guy, he walked in this morning.

He walked in and was like, He's like, Man, Tino, did you see what happened with the Pentagon?

And I was like, Of course not.

Oh, my God.

And he's like, Man, they released a whole new subcategory.

Tell him what it is.

Oh, so you know how they get that the UAP task force?

So now they open up an office for anomalous vehicles that's going from space into the water.

So they're trying to monitor everything.

Oh, they go to water now?

They've been in water.

See, that's what I'm talking about.

They never even mentioned that.

This motherfucker, they've been mentioning water.

They call it USO.

Yeah.

Unidentified.

Yeah, the movie's called The Abyss.

I saw it.

That was good.

Yeah.

Did you like that movie?

That was a great movie.

That was a good movie.

You guys are perfect.

Preliminating that movie.

Assessment.

Unidentified aerial phenomena.

Is this it?

This is what the new thing is?

Oh, my God.

I don't know.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, just type in.

You know he does this late at night.

He's on these docks late at night.

It's Doc in the Docks.

What a sad world.

Just type in UFO

and then click on news.

Type in UFO news.

I can imagine Doc with his alien pajamas.

Right.

Late at night.

Alien pajamas.

Pinot.

Expands.

Mission to transmedium objects.

Just reading this stuff.

It's so sad.

It's so sad.

The visual.

Yeah.

After only eight months of existence, the Pentagon's office tasked with investigating and tracking UFOs or unidentified aerial phenomena will look beyond the stars for objects of interest.

On Wednesday, the Pentagon announced that it renamed and expanded the authority of the government's chief UFO office.

Someone just got a promotion.

Formerly known as the Airborne Object Identification and Management Group, or AOIMG.

The office will now be known as the All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office, or AARO ARO.

I gotta be honest with you.

All jokes aside right now.

All jokes aside.

This is going so under the radar

that a piece of me knows they have so much information.

Sure.

Honestly,

how is this this not the front page news that like they've slid this under Biden has COVID?

Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

Like Biden has COVID, like big fucking deal.

Everyone has COVID right now.

Literally everybody.

How come we don't hear about that?

But also, either scared or you scare everybody.

But, Doc, you got to do it the way they're doing it because it scares everybody.

It should scare everyone.

I didn't know what a galaxy was.

Because since I met you, I've been like googling things and trying to learn about it.

There's 300 billion planets in our galaxy.

Wait, wait.

There's 300 billion planets in our galaxy alone?

Yeah, I think so.

200 billion.

yeah 200 billion yeah you're off by 100 billion that's i i don't know but that check this out right and then there are 300 million planets that could be like earth in that 200 billion

right so and then that's just our galaxy there's other galaxies so in my head i'm like theoretically right you're right i mean it's the odds that there's got to be other life intelligent life on other planets right right we can't be the only thing we can't be the only because we're not that good look at us in this room yeah can you imagine if they came out but that's what they have a bigger than they were so dumb you know you know how like the last time we were talking about this, and y'all named some of those groups of different species y'all named?

Yeah.

Think about this.

The tall white.

Okay.

Yeah.

What else?

Name another one.

The gray people.

Yeah.

Okay.

Blue men group.

Okay.

Man, you're on some bullshit.

That's the fucking.

Michael Stipe from IBM.

100%.

Michael Stipe.

You don't think that guy's a fucking

Vern Troyer was?

Definitely.

Right?

R.I.P.

R.I.P.

Definitely was.

So let's just say this let's say let's pretend right now that those are all real they are yeah they are real so what that means they're all coming here and they're able to get to us but we're not able to get to them it means we're in the middle of something that's why we don't know what to understand what's going on well yeah we don't i don't think we're the end of it we're in the middle of i think we're just in the middle of something and we're starting to find out yeah but the theory that they're having a war

If you look online, there's like a war between five different alien races, right?

Possibility.

Who's winning?

What?

Who's winning you would think that you would walk outside and see a shrapnel of a something something but they

like but there's no sign of look at the distance we are from different solar systems what the fuck are you talking about see this but you're saying that they're here yeah

yeah there's they've been coming here and they are here they're here now they're here they're here

where are they underwater oh they're underwater underwater they don't want to stay on the surface yeah what are they in the bases or whatever they got there with the government if they no no i'm saying are there any of them walking free

Well, amongst us.

According to

the government, it's possible.

What?

Right.

So, according to the documents, like unaccountable pregnancies, that would be they're walking amongst us.

This depends on how many women or how many people then had that.

If that's true, you know, you understand what I'm saying?

So, you're saying women are getting pregnant?

Are they getting paid like aliens?

You want to call them aliens, whatever you want to call them, yeah.

What do you want me to call them?

Well, because they could still be human beings.

Like, you know what your problem is?

You think that we probably are the only human beings.

Hey, type in 1977,

Staffordshire, U2, on YouTube.

So theoretically, Doc, look at me, theoretically, I could be an alien.

That's possible.

Hey, Doc, that would explain.

Hey, Doc.

That's bring you a lot of people.

That would explain a lot.

Yeah.

My gray dick.

My gray dick, that would explain my gray dick at all.

Right there, the top one.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

1955.

Here we go.

Before women could.

Staffordshire had a whole lot of people.

Here we go.

for flying saucers spots in the sky lights in the sky strange things but the strangest of all was seen one day over this cottage mr and mrs rustenberg were living there quietly out in the country and well pause it well i believe

nothing that's going to come out of this yeah yeah yeah yeah

this woman escaped eastern european the block

came to fucking wherever she what is this isn't isn't england now she made it out alive but dude 1954 look at what she's wearing that shirt by the way,

she's 28 years old.

She's in really bad condition.

Let's hear what she says.

Wait, wait, let me ask you something.

I can tell you.

You would fuck her before you'd fuck me?

Of course.

I would give it to her in a heartbeat.

Maybe you'd be fine.

Without the accent, though.

If she wasn't British.

I smell.

Before this guy, of course.

You're fucking dumb.

You're dumb.

You would fuck her before you fuck Andrew.

Anybody.

Me, dudes.

Look at me.

I'm taking that pussy.

That pussy, bro.

You're gonna look at her.

Gross.

Alright, let me see what you saw.

Tell me what you saw.

Well, this was one ordinary day.

I

was waiting for my husband to come home from work, and my two sons went to Seifer to school, and I was getting changed, and I heard this terrific noise.

It was just like a giant cauldron of water being poured onto a a fire.

A sh sort of noise, you know.

And my first reaction was, oh, the children, I thought maybe a plane was crashing or something like that.

And I

slipped my jumper on and went outside to find my two sons lying flat on the ground in the garden in front of the house, shouting, Mommy, mommy, there's a flying saucer.

Well, naturally, I just said, come on, don't be stupid.

Come in the house.

But felt sort of a strange sensation,

wended my way up the side of the house to where we had a pump where we used to get all our water from

and

automatically looked up to see this,

all I can describe, this huge Mexican hat.

It was stationary, this thing.

Wow.

And it was bright silver and colour.

She saw a sombrero.

She saw a sombrero.

I was looking at her.

Give her turn.

And the clouds parted?

Yeah.

And all I heard was...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What the fuck are you talking about?

It was Mexican aliens.

Yeah, yeah.

Bro, that's the alien she's talking about.

She's talking about immigrants.

I'm not saying that her shit is real.

She's starting Brexit.

Okay.

So you watch this shit late at night?

No.

Here's the thing.

3 in the morning.

This is alien pajamas.

This is porn.

You're playing on the wire.

You watch each shit at 3 in the morning.

No, here's the thing.

Dude, get on Tinder.

No, no, no.

Listen, man.

Get on your

You're losing your mind, bro.

I've been seeing this.

This was after I watched the scientist and his approach on the whole situation.

And he was about to collect the information.

So he said, it's not about what babblers are, if it's proven them real or fake.

He just wanted to hear what he said.

And he said, after listening to him, he was convinced.

That's my approach.

So I said, okay, let me try to listen to some of this shit.

This shit sounds crazy.

But I'm just saying this just because we were talking about pregnancies and

y'all were saying about aliens, but I'm about to show y'all that the aliens could be these.

Go ahead and show these motherfuckers.

Wait, what?

Can I watch more of this?

There's more?

Well, listen, she's about to explain.

She's about to get to the part where she's about to tell who was in the vehicle.

Okay.

I don't believe her.

I don't believe her.

Okay, but I'm just saying.

She said it looked like a Mexican hat.

Yeah, yeah.

After that, I'm done.

After that, that's her only description.

Yeah, yeah.

Listen, I'm not saying I believe her.

I'm saying that there's a possibility what she's saying could be true.

Facts.

Now, play the motherfucker.

It had a dome.

A dome.

It was tilted

to sort of.

I could see the occupants in it.

You saw people in it.

Pause it.

Stop, stop.

Pause it.

You're telling me these people have the unimaginable technology to fucking come to worth

in a saucer.

Yeah.

But they've got a dome and you can see inside who's in it.

And they're going,

who are you?

Get the fuck out of here.

Get the fuck out of here.

Get the fuck out of here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get the fuck out of here.

Hello.

Do you think they would let you see them?

Yeah, they wouldn't do that.

No.

It'd be like one of those, if there was a window, one of those FBI interrogation windows where it's like one way.

A little slit you can't see in.

They can only see out.

Hello, how are you?

Yeah.

We have big heads.

Sorry.

And she's playing it like the Jetsons with the bubble like,

that's insane.

It's insane.

Why would they let you see them?

And then they would come down in a saucer.

Otherwise, they would come down and make a big fucking stink anyway.

But how come they disappear all the time?

If you hear about the majority of the saucers back then, that's what they were.

They had a clear dome.

So

they had a clear dome.

Yeah.

Oh, so they've advanced their own.

I'm a bullshit.

Y'all know.

Yeah.

Yeah, according to.

I ain't saying none of this shit is real.

I'm just saying.

Okay, let's hear what this woman has to say.

There's people in there.

There's people in there.

These people

were beautiful people.

That's the only way I can describe them.

Stop.

Stop.

So let's stop for a second.

Stop.

So they look like Brooke Shields and Steve McQueen waving.

Hello.

We're the beautiful people.

What the fuck are you saying?

They're beautiful people.

Now, is your assumption that they have taken our form because they can see us and they can be.

I mean, no.

It doesn't.

What I'm saying is, is you're in your minds, right?

You would think that we're the only ones made here that look like us.

And that doesn't have to be the case.

I think that we're the only ones that look like us.

Are you fucking kidding me?

You guys are saying I can ask you something, right?

Yeah, I think we look like us.

Yeah, when people are telling me stories, I look at the person first and go, what is this guy's credentials?

Yeah.

I mean, do I know this person?

Like, if Lex Friedman

pulled me aside and goes, listen, dude, I saw it.

He described it.

I would be like, you know what?

Lex Friedman is one of the smartest guys on planet Earth.

He was a goddamn dummy.

Who?

You.

Why?

Because you.

Because of a goddamn that he could be lying to you.

And you going just because that's his job, he's a scientist.

That don't mean he's not one of the smartest people in the world.

That's what the fuck he does.

He's just a scientist.

You think lex is smarter than you no he just do science that's all he do this shit is crazy to me when people put scientists on this level that they shouldn't

it's fucking crazy

dude he's about to tell us

he's about to literally be like and they're out here telling us the orthkin how to win

it's just what they think that black you know the the the the demon covet lady that trump was using that that one doctor right yeah like you would go to her that's your family family practitioner.

Doc, there's some people with credentials.

Doc, you think because he's a science person, he's not a smart guy.

No, I'm not saying that.

But what I'm saying is, is he's just taking that guy and saying, if he said this, I would believe him.

Because I don't know him.

I know him.

And it doesn't matter.

That's because you're a little bitch.

I don't know her.

That's what I know.

I'm a bitch.

Because I don't believe her.

Let me get my little bitch ass behind.

The guy that I think is so smart.

He's not smarter than you.

That's just his job.

Timeout.

If you was into science, you would be doing it.

If you was into science, you would be there.

But we're not.

We're podcasters.

I don't know how to do it.

We don't know how to do science.

I don't know how to do science.

Okay, what has Lex Friedman created?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Exactly.

He's a fucking science teacher just like anybody else.

You can do that shit.

No.

No science.

What are you guys angry for, dude?

Because man.

I hate the people who put scientists or different people in these positions saying they say.

Time out.

Stop the yelling because we're talking over each other.

But I do want to say this, and I'm making this announcement to the fans, to Bobby Lee, to the crew, and to Doc.

I want Lex Friedman on this show

to go toe-to-toe with you

on who's smarter.

Because you just said, Do you think Lex is smarter than us?

And I said, We can get him on the screen.

I think he is smarter than me.

And you said, Why?

Because I know he's smarter than me.

In what way?

Robotics.

Yeah.

Engineering.

But that's what what he does for a living.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know how to do it.

I don't know how to do it.

But here's the thing.

Even if he caught me, I wouldn't be able to comprehend.

He could do step-by-step lessons with me.

I'd forget the moment he left.

Exactly.

How many people know how to do what you do?

What do we do?

What do we do?

You're stand-up comics.

You're going to join us.

This is intoxicating.

We're idiots.

We're dumb-dumb.

This is goofball weirdo shit because we're fucked up in the head.

The first year, my first chick was wet farts into the mic.

Shit,

it was a very good thing.

Yeah, yeah.

But that's all I know how how to do.

We're stupid, weirdos.

We're brave.

We're brave.

We're brave.

We're dumb.

You're elevating them, and you shouldn't do that.

So we should bring them down.

They're right at one level with you.

There's no difference between them.

I don't know about that.

So who's above me?

All right.

So who's above me then, intelligent-wise?

I don't feel like nobody is.

Depending on what you do, it's what you do.

So you're going to be able to do that.

If you say Stephen Hawking, me and Stephen Hawking are the same, intelligent-wise.

Yes.

You can be, but you're dumb because you feel you're dumb.

And you act dumb because that's how you feel about yourself.

I don't feel like I'm dumb.

I don't feel like I'm dumber than Alex Lex.

I don't feel like that.

I just feel like that's what he does.

Do you think you're as intelligent as Stephen Hawking?

Yes.

It's insane.

I love it.

So no one is smarter than you.

No, I've been, this is what I feel like.

This is what I feel like.

If you're talking about on the scale of what that profession is, he's way more intelligent.

Let's remove the professions.

Stop with the professions.

Let's take Stephen Hawking away from his job as a fucking

molecular biomechanic.

Because you only know him as a scientist.

Okay, but let's just.

What about it?

In terms of getting sick, for example, do you...

If you're a smarter, you get sick, you get COVID, for example, more times or less times.

Okay, fancy.

Taking shots.

You see what he just did?

Yeah, he just did that.

Yeah-huh.

What did he say?

Something.

No, never mind.

Yeah.

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We always do it with a British accent.

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That's exactly right.

It is, man.

Look, I do not like like cooking

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This is so easy.

It gives two idiots like a step-by-step recipes.

I'm a moron.

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It's also fun to make this stuff.

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I don't know.

Let's suppose, right?

Right.

There's a zombie apocalypse.

It's here now.

Okay, a zombie apocalypse.

Oh no, right here.

There's 30 people, right,

that's surviving, you know what I mean?

And Lex Friedman and me are part of this 30 people, right?

Yeah.

Who do you think they would ask to be in charge to get things right?

They would go to electricity.

In anything.

Survival, getting electricity.

Almost anything.

Strategy.

Almost everything.

Strategy.

If they were like, pay attention.

They're going to ask him before me.

No, they're not.

Oh, before you?

Because you're a bitch.

How many of them are going to get tough?

You're a tough guy.

I'm smart, but I'm a bitch.

Is that what it is?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm a smart bitch.

You're keeping breaking yourself.

Here's what's going to happen.

After a long day of trying to rebuild society and build up the wall so the zombies don't kill us all, everyone's tired.

And at the end, Lex comes up to Bobby and he's like, will you do like the penis dance for everyone to get the morale up?

And you do, and he crushes.

Right.

And that rewards him as a higher value.

However,

that's not going to make the group go, this is the smartest guy in the book.

They're going to go, this guy's the most fun.

I love this guy.

He's the king.

That's my role.

That's my role.

We play chesters.

We're jesters.

We're jesters.

What you're doing, but what you're doing.

What you are doing, dude?

What is your problem?

Think about what you're saying.

I know what I'm saying because they, listen, none of those guys have contributed to science as far as technology and an uplifted.

Do you know that?

I don't know that for a fact.

No, but here's what I'm saying.

This is what I'm saying.

Do you think teaching is?

Well, I will say Lex, he does build shit.

He does build, but he hasn't.

Look, those guys haven't invented things.

The guys that you think that are really smart are the guys that invent and create shit on their own.

So Stephen Hawking with the whole black hole thing and the theater.

The whole black hole thing, this shit is always getting to his shit.

Ain't even 100%.

They gave him a Nobel Peace Prize on some shit that he 100% don't even know.

He just basically go, okay.

Nah, because they've been showing that his shit.

This is great.

But he was one of the first things.

Am I right?

Am I right?

But he was one of the first people to come up with a lot of these theories.

Yeah, yeah.

So theorizing is part of this.

Stephen was one of the first people that came up with some of the most of this shit.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's Einstein smarter than me.

Of course.

Okay.

So there are people then.

Right, no, here's what I'll say.

We got one.

Albert Einstein, guys.

Not Stephen Hawking.

But Einstein, yes.

I'll be honest with you.

I'll be honest with you.

He wasn't as smart as you.

Oh, here we go.

He was fucking his own cousin.

He cheated on his wife with his own cousin.

Okay.

You don't know how good his cousin's pussy was.

Yeah, you weren't a fucking round.

But what I'm saying is, is he was a...

You say he's a genius in science.

But as a man, as

an all-around genius and understanding love and connection and all that,

he's shit.

See, there's an intelligence involved in just

speaking to the mic, you're going into speaking the mic.

Yeah, we got to stay in the mic.

I know you're getting passionate.

What I am saying is that you're going into the science, the art, like it's just science.

Okay,

the same dumb motherfuckers that made nuclear weapons that we're having a problem with today.

Dumbass scientists.

You think you say they smart because they could create the weapons, but they're dumb because they made them.

Okay.

They may not have social empathy, right?

It's kind of like how sometimes higher intellectual people have, are on the spectrum.

They don't, they're not good at social cues or they're not good at looking people in the eye and certain types of conversation rhythmic beats.

Right.

You may be more intellectual when it comes to those things, but as far as the far-reaching things that are much more difficult to compute with the regular brain, they're smarter in science.

Yes, but science is almost everything.

What do you think everything is?

Everything is fucking science.

But they don't have, they're not

science.

This is all science.

They don't know all science.

They just know the area that they are.

They know, but you know none of it.

And they know none of it.

I know some of it.

I don't know everything.

But you know what I mean.

They know one thing very well.

I know what you're saying.

We are intellectually superior when it comes to comedic rhythms, timing, thought processes.

Right, but that's almost unusable skill.

It is unusable.

Outside of what we do, in another society, it wouldn't even be functioning as a joke.

Like a hundred years ago, if I lived in Korea, right?

And my families were a rice.

I'm back in Ireland.

He's in Korea.

Yeah, yeah.

We heard rice.

And I'm a potato farmer.

Yeah, right.

And I'm cracking jokes in the field.

Yeah.

That's it.

That's it.

That's what I'm doing.

I'm funny today.

I'm not going to be in the rice field, right?

But if I was Let's Friedman, I'd be in the government.

Well, you'd own the rice field.

Yeah.

I would own the rice field.

By the way, you collecting rice, cracking jokes.

Oh, my God.

That's so fucking funny.

Yeah, yeah.

But the problem is.

We need to do a movie where it's like dual worlds happening, and I'm in a potato farm

and I'm stuffing potatoes in my ass to get a laugh.

You know how those rice petty hats?

When I'm there,

if you had an aerial view, you could see the hats go up and down because I'm killing so hard.

Right?

You know what I mean?

But that's all I'm good at.

How many bushels did you pick?

I killed today.

Trust me.

Yeah, yeah.

I know what you're saying.

Here's a question.

Here's a question.

You guys never wanted to be a scientist.

Am I right or wrong about that?

Wait.

Just hold on.

This is good.

Sit.

This is really good.

Let me just explain something to you.

No, I never was.

Let me explain something to you.

Okay.

My parents said said to me at the age of 16, because I got all Fs, right?

Like P's and F.

F for fun.

F for fun.

F for fun, right?

My dad goes, I'll buy you brand new car if you just get C in biology, right?

That semester, I fucking studied.

I did the tests, right?

I got a D.

Are you serious?

Yeah, and I never got the car.

You know what's crazy, bro?

Okay, so my point is this.

And I remember every night I go, you know what, dude?

I am going to fucking study all.

I couldn't comprehend anything happening.

And I get that.

Yeah, yeah.

You worked so hard

to get it to get 10 more points and still not get a car.

And I get that.

You know why?

Yeah, why?

Because you're a goddamn dummy.

I don't sling around insults around here.

But contrast, you know, sorry, I ain't trying to diss you, but I got locked in juvenile

and still got a C in goddamn chemistry after I got locked up.

That's how fucking smart I was.

I even posted it on Instagram.

You motherfucker.

You see, I guess because I was trying to prove my point, you too.

And I told you something, by the way, I was getting a smart Stephen Hawking.

No, here's the thing.

All I'm saying is, everything is information.

And information is all about your desire and what you want to learn.

It's just like, did they ask Neil deGrasse Tyson, was he great at math?

He said, no.

He said, I just love this due to science.

So I learned and I pushed to learn the math.

That's all it is.

Some people have a better comprehension level.

Comprehension level is something like this.

Okay, I would say that.

Like, physically, there are some people smarter than others because of physically they can't.

But just because you're in your positions doesn't mean you're not smart.

It just means that we don't.

They don't say we're not smart.

I'm saying they're smarter than me.

Yeah.

I'm smart.

They're smarter than me.

That's all he's saying.

Here, here.

I'm tall.

NBA players are taller than me.

They both can exist.

But to say that those people aren't smarter than than me, I know what you mean.

You're picking out certain scales of intelligence, but there is an over, okay, IQ.

IQ is a broad test that shows your level of intellectual abilities to comprehend different parts of

math, science, social, blah, blah.

It's everything.

IQ is the basis.

Stephen Hawking's IQ is higher than yours and mine and his.

Probably combined, if I'm being honest.

But what I'm saying.

So, yes, he's smarter than us.

That's only.

There has to be a scale.

But that's only because that was his...

See, also, you have to remember.

You can't refute the IQ.

You have no argument back.

It depends on how you were born, where you were, and what you...

It just depends on what you're attracted to.

So if I believe, this is what I believe.

You think everyone has the ability to be a genius?

Physically, if

you're aliens to this, I forgot.

I totally forgot.

I totally forgot.

We just went into a completely different.

Oh, yeah, the lady.

Yeah, the lady.

That lady they showed the video.

Who has the highest IQ on earth?

Who has the highest IQ alive?

Despite being a college dropout, Marilyn Voss Savant, that's where the word savant comes from, gained significant attention when her estimated IQ was scored 228, was listed in Guinness Book of World Records in 85, famous for her common parade magazine, where she gained critical attention for solving the famous mathematical Monty Hall problem.

What's what?

What is it?

Monty Hall works.

What is it?

What is she build?

What is she?

Oh, my fucking God.

She's saying it.

She solved the Monty Hall problem.

The basis in life is so you could just take care of yourself.

Anything else is what you apply yourself to, right?

So whatever she does, that's what she wanted to do.

She loved doing that.

So I'm telling you, you would be great at science.

You would be great if that's what you had a desire.

You're not, that just wasn't your bad.

I had a desire to get a C

to get a car and it happened.

It didn't happen.

I put my desire in it.

Trust me.

Right?

I hated taking the boss.

All my friends had cars.

My desire was pure.

100%.

A lot of desire.

A lot of desire.

Okay, I guess I'm not sure.

Because my teachers used to say I was a potential A student, but I played too much.

And that was what I played too much.

And then once I got to.

So why didn't you have the intellectual desire to not play too much?

Why didn't I have the intellectual desire to not play too much?

You know, grew up different.

Everybody has different desire.

No, because I think that's not your path.

I don't think it's meant for you.

Okay, that's true.

Because your brain doesn't have that thing.

I think that bitch, Savante, her brain had the thing whether she liked it or not.

We We had the comedy thing, whether we liked it or not.

It was developing it to make it a career that is the next step.

But this bitch was born a genius.

She just had to like.

Child prodigies that can play like a Rachmananov piece at the age of three.

I can't play

a higher level of fucking antelistics every time.

That shit ain't nothing.

Is this Marilyn Savant?

What does all that benefit them?

What does it do for them?

Oh, I don't know.

Change culture, inspire.

First of all.

First of all, so many of our scientists.

But But that's what you do.

You change culture.

You inspire doing what you do.

Okay, but so many of our scientists have come along that have fucked.

Look at this.

Fucking Elon Musk, 155.

This bitch was 228.

That's how smart this woman was.

Right.

And timeout.

Look at the two.

Scientists created between the two.

The cure and the vaccine.

Now, you will say our

man in a woman's world is difficult for a woman, but go ahead.

No,

I'm saying what science has contributed is we've cured disease.

Let's go back to aliens.

There's no cures.

So if the government created this other agency,

this agency to specifically look for UFOs, right, Doc?

Do they have an agency for like

exorcisms and

that kind of a realm?

Like spiritual realms.

They haven't announced nothing like that.

So there isn't one?

No, I don't know.

It's at the Vatican City.

Oh, you think the Vatican has one?

Shadiest place on earth.

It's pretty shady.

No, have you ever been there?

No.

Scary.

Have you been to the Vatican?

So scary.

Why?

It is its own.

I'm going to misquote this.

It's its own

jurisdiction of everything.

They have their own police, their own banks, their own government.

They don't have to obey to anything.

No outside force can influence them.

If someone gets murdered in the walls of the Vatican, it doesn't need to ever leave the walls of the Vatican.

Dude, and I asked one of our tour guides when I went there.

Oh, you were just there?

Well, we didn't go this time, but I went the last time I went, and I said, Let me ask you a question you're going to find annoying.

And she was like, Yeah, yeah.

And I said, How many people do you think get killed or accidental deaths deaths in these walls?

And she's like, a few times a year, I think something happens within these walls that never makes it out.

Wow.

A few times a year.

That's incredible.

Because who would know?

Because you know, the gates are open during Mass.

Thousands of people flood the square.

So if there's beef or there's something going on beneath the surface, if it happens in the square, no one will know.

It's like the Da Vinci Code.

It is like the Da Vinci Code.

Yeah, yeah.

It is like the fucking Da Vinci Code.

It's just shady to me, dude.

God bless the Vatican.

Good for you guys.

Don't kill me.

Don't fucking name me.

But I just, that, that, to me, that's alien shit.

That's UFO stuff.

Yeah.

Because you know they got some shit in the Vatican.

Yeah.

All right.

So you set the tone, set the mood.

Set the tone.

Ladies and gentlemen, start again.

Hold on, start again.

Fancy's got to get ready with his little fucking camera.

Are you ready?

Ladies and gentlemen, straight from the Pauly Shore Tour

in the Midwest.

Come.

Juicy.

Chechy, John, Johnson, Johnson, Disney.

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

Jetsky, Johnson, Johnson, Johnson, Johnson.

She got some tickles now.

That's her buddy.

She's a big tickler.

Yeah, she's funny.

She's poking.

She's tickling, dude.

What's up, bro?

No, she's Polly.

She's turned into Polly.

That's what this is.

That sounds cool, dudes.

Yeah, yeah.

Polly?

You sound just like what's up?

All right, first of all.

It's the juicy.

It's the juices here.

The juices.

First of all, I got a bunch of DMs.

I got a bunch of ats and mentions.

Pauli tagged us because he took her out to dinner

and trying to

show us up.

And you had the fucking nerve to say that his was better than ours.

I said, that's pretty, this was really good.

Thank you, Polly.

And he.

I said, it wasn't even.

It wasn't even the same dimensional.

Not even close.

You guys went to Outback Steakhouse.

What was it called?

What was it called?

I don't even know.

That's how good it was.

What was the one that we took you called?

Mashtos.

Yeah, you got to have it.

Yeah, you remember that.

You remember one of the two.

I ate it, the one we went to.

Wait, what?

Michael Jordan ate it, the one we went to.

Okay, first of all.

Let me show you something.

It's pretty good.

Let me show you something.

Look up Michael Jordan's Steakhouse, Chicago.

So Michael Jordan, if you're going to talk about, does he know about steaks?

He knows about basketball.

Steakhouse, one of the worst.

Let's look up some reviews for Michael Jordan's steakhouse in Chicago.

Maybe one of the worst steakhouses that ever graced the city.

It was

terrible.

You went there.

Terrible.

Yeah.

I went there years and years ago.

Give me one review from this fucking review.

We had one in New York and it closed down.

It closed down.

It closed down in Chicago, too.

It's not even open.

Perse stolen while eating at table.

The food was average.

The steaks are overcooked.

They also had a blue cheese butter on top.

That was not.

That was a waiter, too, that stole it.

Extremely disappointed in this experience.

I am in Chicago starting a new medical residency.

Oh, my God.

This guy's a nine-page dissertation.

Anyway, Michael Jordan doesn't know shit about steaks.

Guy can hoop, but fuck steaks.

We took you to the spot.

And by the way, now that he's trying to trump us, we're taking you to Mexico.

I said, you're getting authentic Mexican food.

You're going to Mexico.

Also,

you said to me yesterday, right, that you have stories about me.

Right?

Things that Paulie told you.

Yeah, yeah.

And I'm giving you the platform to run wild with them.

What's up, Juice?

Because

you seem like you knew information that's going to embarrass me.

okay go ahead you guys want to know the juice yeah

yeah yeah yeah we want to juice

all right all right um well there

was a story that he led into by uh a time he made you cry okay how what was it do you know it no i don't he's made me cry so many times

oh there wasn't one yeah yeah um well i will say i do remember

let her do it i wanted to see if you knew it i do remember this it was in michigan i don't remember

You let her do it.

Well, he wanted to go hang out with you in your hotel room.

That's not the story.

That's what he said.

No, he goes, dude, right, I'm not making a lot of money on this gig, so we're sharing this room, right?

And I was in my room.

He had walked in with his luggage, right?

And I thought he was being real.

And I go, oh, but

why don't I just take the money you're paying me and I'll just get my own room?

No, dude.

I'm staying in your.

And it was like a queen-sized bed, right?

And I just thought, oh, this is going to be the worst weekend of my life.

And I just started weeping.

Cheers.

You said you just started crying.

What else was going on, bud?

No.

Well, he did tell me that earlier throughout the tour, he would lay on top of you.

Yeah.

Which he did to me a couple times and would yell, Bobby Lee.

Wait, he would just jump on top of you?

And well, like twice in North Carolina, I would just stay.

long.

Do you want to tell that story on the screen?

No, but he has a way of like, you know, he's not, you know, a mean guy.

He's a nice guy, right?

But he's so eccentric and weird, right?

So he doesn't know like social rules.

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Those are, you know,

personal space.

Maybe he's a genius.

Maybe he's a genius like the people we talked about before.

Nah.

He was an absolute gentleman on the tour.

And I think Bobby ran or walked so I could run.

Bobby walked so she could run.

Yeah.

What does that mean?

Because I'm kind of following in your path.

You laid the groundwork.

Yeah.

I'm a door guy.

I'm going on tour just like you did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm leading the way.

Yeah, and

he treated you a lot worse than he treated me.

Yeah, you really worry.

He treated me really good.

He got us massages.

Wow.

That fucking blows my mind.

We had so many fancy dinners.

That blows my mind.

You were with him on tour 20 fucking years ago.

So

one time they did, you're paying for this.

You had to pay for the game.

Yeah, Yeah, and I'm like, I have no money.

I'm like, all right, I'll pay for it, I guess.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, but

look at you now.

Look at you now.

She's right.

Look at you now.

Yeah.

So it was a pleasant experience.

Yeah, but it was kind of weird because I thought Pauly Shore was like a ladies' man.

And he didn't get laid once.

Oh, he's getting old.

He said, because I'm woke and he didn't want to get busted, but I think I got the old Polly.

Yeah,

you got the shriveled up Polly.

That one that looks like a turtle.

Yeah, Frank and I were ready, like, we're like, like i bet he's gonna get laid at this one and again he's like let's just go back wow it's so sad and you and frank aren't both of you are in a relationship yeah yeah his his wife was a little concerned because we were sharing a room the whole time but she was concerned because of his snoring so she she was concerned for me

not that something would happen she was like his smell yeah he doesn't smell good frank castillo yeah which to me why it just smells like weed old weed oh well he smokes he smokes weed yeah yeah you don't like the smell of weed yeah Yeah.

Well, that's a youth.

Did he smell?

No.

He was great.

Yeah.

Do you smoke weed?

No, not really.

Did he smoke in the room?

No, no.

Oh.

He had his pens and stuff.

Yeah, he got to hit that pen.

Also, like, she's.

The way she's dressed, you can tell she just got off tour with him.

Well, yeah, he throws it just like that.

The scarf.

Oh, yeah.

I guess he has rubbed off on me a little bit.

Literally.

That's his t-shirt.

His face on it.

Yeah, he signed it.

Oh, wow.

Oh, she's famous.

Is that his merch?

I got the wheasel air.

Hey, I got something, a little souvenir for you guys.

Okay, cool.

Oh, my God.

This is so amazing.

By the way, Doc's been on the show for a year.

Never got one thing.

Not one thing.

Not one thing.

Never souvenir.

But he also doesn't leave L.A.

Yeah, that's true.

That's pretty cool.

You could bring us something from Amazon.

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Good.

Oh, my God.

Are these Paulie shirts?

And they're signed?

They're signed.

Oh, my God.

This is baddie.

Oh, this is so cool.

Oh, God.

Oh, this is so fucking cool.

And I got look at this.

Santina.

Oh, this is so fucking cool.

And you know what he wrote?

We should frame these and put them up on the podcast.

Look at Erode.

Look at Eros.

I'm near the bathroom.

My sweet ginger.

My sweet girl.

They fucking hate it.

Well, if you guys.

I love it.

If you guys want to keep on there, 20 for the shirts and 25 for the headshots.

Dude, you are learning.

You're really good.

This is really fucking nice.

Thank you, Polly.

Thanks for watching.

We need to have Polly on the show, bro.

Oh, we would love to have him.

If he wants to do it.

Tour was amazing, though.

I want to go back.

I loved it.

So, what places you play?

Good nights.

I met this guy.

I love Charlie Goodnight.

I love Raleigh.

Raleigh's great.

Heffron.

John Heffron.

I love him.

Brian.

Brian Heffron.

Wait, what is it?

The owner, right?

You're not a road dog, I guess.

The owner, Brian Heffron.

Wait, wait, wait.

John Heffron is a comic.

Yeah, but Brian Heffron is too, right?

Yeah, if you guys were road dogs, you know.

Yeah.

So that's a cool club.

Good nights.

I played it before.

Good nights was great.

Heffron runs all the comedy zones.

Oh, right.

Right.

Right.

So you went Charlotte to that one?

We went Good Nights and then Comedy Zones in Greensboro,

Charlotte, which was awesome.

Charlotte was this huge room and then in Greenville.

The Greensboro one was like at Appleby's, turned into a comedy club.

Which one was outside?

I saw you guys doing like an outside thing.

Yeah, that was Silverado's.

That was like a music venue.

Wow.

And you do well there or is it hard?

It was awesome.

Every show you killed.

Yeah, and I got way better

as the weekend went up.

As it went.

That's what happens, baby.

We're getting strong.

It's amazing.

amazing.

Our little jet ski is getting fucking.

He's going to be a yacht at some point.

And then eventually, maybe when we do our bad friends tour,

when we do the theater tour, yeah, no, she can't come on the tour.

Of course, she can come on the tour.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, of course you can.

Black magic has to be on the tour.

You guys have never met?

No, never.

It feels like I've known you for years, though.

Hey, everybody, talking.

You follow me from the store?

Yeah.

Look how different he is.

We worked a lot.

We worked a lot.

Yeah, see it.

See, you never struggle.

That worked a lot.

God damn.

There's a real lot, Vibe.

I told you, that's what you guys had in common.

You both are two young black people, and you both worked a lot.

When you were coming, we told them that you were black.

And you believe Jetsuki Johnson was black?

Can I tell you something?

A woman named Jetsky Johnson definitely is a black lady.

I love that you guys are calling me Jetsky because you, through one episode, single-handedly changed my name to Juicy.

Well, Juicy is you're still juicy to us.

You'll always be Juicy in our hearts.

You know, we could come up with a different.

Do you like that one or should we change it?

It's just hilarious because I've gained probably over 7,000 followers from that one episode.

Keep it going.

Follow her.

Keep following her.

From you guys.

And on the road, I'll get on stage.

Juicy.

No.

Yes.

No, be real.

Yes.

That's awesome.

It might be, you know, three out of 100 or something.

Still, that's good upgrades.

It's badass.

At the store, too.

So, can you tell us, did you do a joke that, did you do a new joke on the road that bombed?

Did you have anything that you ate shit on?

I never, I didn't really like eat shit, but I figured some shit out.

Like some premises that I started out early that didn't really have an ending.

And I would, and Frank and I would, as soon as we were done, we'd go back and we'd just like work on

the bits.

It was awesome.

Yeah, I missed those days.

Because that's over for us.

Did you bring a trumpet?

No.

I like that bit.

Yeah, so I used to do that, and then I stopped because I wanted to be like a real stand-up because I thought having a trumpet in my act was not real.

It doesn't matter.

It It doesn't matter.

But the trumpet, because you let me just see if I get this bit right, right?

But you bring the trumpet, right?

And you go, this is my rape whistle.

Yeah, about like eight minutes in.

I hold it for about, I don't mention it for about eight minutes.

And then you go, oh, this is my trumpet.

And then you play it, right?

You go, right, then you play a little tune.

Yeah.

And then, well, how does the bit go?

Like, say you're walking down a dark alley at night and someone's following you, and you just,

rape.

Yeah, hear ye, hear ye.

It's a good bit.

But like, where do you go?

I do some impressions of like

Louis Armstrong and Miles Davis.

Yeah, but like, where do you go from there?

Anywhere you fucking want to go.

That's incredible.

And I hung out with your boyfriend a little last night.

We had a conversation.

Did he tell you?

He told me about it.

Yeah.

And he tried to get me to go to,

he goes, hey, you want to do this gig in Mammoth?

Yeah.

I'm like, okay, let me hear it, right?

He's like, yeah, it's a couple hundred seats, but you know, it'll go real well.

Oh, it's actually good.

It's at the brewery.

Really?

Sarah Mello used to do one there.

Oh, you know about it.

Well, is it still the same?

It's at the brewery there in town.

I think he's since moved it to a.

I don't, I can't keep track of it.

It's, but it's grown a lot and it's good.

And you had mentioned that you wanted to play at like smaller alts rooms.

Yeah, so I was thinking there is

a person out there.

It's good.

I want to help him.

Yeah.

What don't we do?

You and I just fun go out there.

I'll do that 100%.

Just do one couple It's like 200 seats or 300, 200-something seats.

If it's the same spot, Sarah Mellow, you know Mellow.

She did a show.

It's her birthday today.

Is it really?

It's Sarah Mellow.

Yeah, I send her a video.

She did a show up there that was at the little brewery that's there in town in Mammoth, and it was fucking.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

It was.

Do you remember this?

It was a short-lived amount of time, but it's a good thing.

It's fun.

Oh, can we share you some of his theories earlier on?

Oh, please, right?

And this is a real thing.

He wasn't kidding

at all.

It was sincere, and he argued it to death, right?

So basically, did you know

that

me and Stephen Hawking have the same intelligent level?

Same.

Do you believe?

Go on.

Do you believe that?

Oh, that's the whole theory?

Yeah.

That's the theory of the level.

He was basically saying that there's no difference between intelligent levels between me and Stephen Hawking and him.

Essentially, it's you're only as smart as the things that you care about to be smart at.

That's kind of like...

like if we cared about like quantum physics

and black holes, that we would be immersed in the information and we'd know as much as Stephen Hawking.

That's what you that's your theory?

Yeah,

yeah.

If you really like, if you love it,

you put yourself into it.

Then I gave him an example of

yeah, because Neil said

he wasn't good at math, Neil, like the matrix.

Oh, Neil.

Yeah, who did you think?

Who do you think?

Neil.

Neil said he is awesome.

Blue pillar red box.

Right.

So he wasn't good at math.

So, but he said that he just, because he loved science, he pushed,

he was able to go and dive into it deep.

So that's the thing that I was trying to

bestow up on them: like, hey, man,

if you're in that field and you love it, you're going to become intelligent in that.

Just like they, just like

their style of comedy, there's an intelligence behind that because nobody can do that.

What we do is rare.

So, scientists are rare.

If you go into science, you're going to know how to do it.

So theoretically, theoretically, if Stephen Hawking wanted to do stand-up

and his heart was into stand-up, he could do be as good as us.

Can I tell you something?

That's what he wanted to do.

If that's what he wanted to do, it is.

Welcome.

I'm glad to be here.

This guy knows what I'm talking about.

We used to do character shows in Arizona where you dress up as a character and do stand-up as that character.

And I would go as Nebula Hawking, who was Stephen Hawking's niece.

And I would write my set out on an iPad, and I'd had someone push me up to the microphone and I would hit play, and it would play the act.

That's amazing.

That's amazing.

Would it do well?

Yeah, it would kill.

It was like, while my uncle spent his life studying the stars, I spent my life trying to be a star.

Do you have a manager?

Yes.

Who?

Rachel Williams at Levity.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, Jessica.

That's amazing.

Agent?

No.

Oh.

Asian?

Asian?

You have Asians?

Do you have any Asians?

I have your Asian.

Just one?

You need at least one in this town.

Yeah.

You know, you have a Goldie Hawn, like, old-school Goldie Haunt likeability.

Okay.

Don't you think she does?

I couldn't even comment about that.

What do you mean?

I don't know about the Goldie Hawn's likeability.

I mean, I think that's.

I mean, back in the day, she was like, when she,

what was that?

She was the sergeant.

What was the military one that she did?

Polly said he's going to take me to perform for the troops.

Oh, U.S.O.

Have you you guys ever done that?

Private Benjamin?

Yeah, Private Benjamin, right?

There you are.

I could see you as the next Private Benjamin.

Take me there, Bobby.

She's like, this is kind of like

you fish out of water.

You know what I mean?

I couldn't agree with you more.

Actually,

honestly, that is juicy, right?

That's juicy.

Maybe we could call it in the army now.

Part two.

Part two.

Part two.

Part two.

Let me ask you some serious questions about Polly.

Okay.

Are you a fan of his movies?

Yes.

Now, I hadn't seen

any of them.

She never saw that.

All right.

How old are you?

You're 20?

32.

Oh, you are?

Yeah.

So you saw what?

You saw Biodome?

I've seen them all now.

Yeah.

Son-in-law.

Son-in-law.

Yeah, yeah.

I literally just watched them.

On the road just now, just to catch up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Because he was like halfway through the tour.

He made a joke about one of the movies and then looked at me and he's like, have you seen any of my movies?

And I think he felt kind of sad.

You know, people don't really remember.

I mean, dude, fucking Jury Duty and Cino Man.

So many fucking

huge movies for those times where Polly Shore is dead.

I haven't seen that one.

Yeah, he cut me out of that.

Oh, he's mad at you, by the way.

Okay, tell me why.

Because he said that he had this movie idea a long time ago, and now that you're famous, you won't produce it.

It's called Capture.

Go ahead, Bobby.

You want to comment about that?

Okay.

Can I tell you the movie idea?

Yeah, I don't even know.

I'd love to hear it.

So did

did you do it as you too.

Okay, well, that's how he said it to me.

Oh, do oh, oh, oh, he's pitching it to me.

He was pitching it to me.

Oh, go ahead.

Go ahead.

Did so.

You're my neighbor, right?

Right, and you, you know, you're just a guy, college guy, right?

Just normal guy, right?

How long ago was this pitch?

15 years ago.

Yeah, at least.

And he goes, D did.

I capture you, did.

And you're in a well.

I go, I'm in a well?

Uh-huh.

You know, like Silence of the Lands, dude.

Yep.

Right?

And I feed you like mochi balls.

Funny.

Right.

And I go, okay,

what happens?

We become best friends.

This is a great movie.

I know.

But at the time, I'm like.

He feeds you mochi balls and you become friends.

Do you put the mochi in the basket?

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, that's as far as he went.

I didn't, maybe I should ask more questions.

He puts the mochi in the basket.

Yeah.

And he, by the way,

I don't know, dude.

I think that's a good movie.

You think so?

Yeah, why not?

But to me, at the time, there was like no.

Let me put some other parameters around it.

Okay.

Okay.

So creepy, by the way.

Let me put some parameters.

Here's like the time period you have to shift to.

Okay.

What I think it is, is like,

let's say there's a fake wartime set up, and

he's captured an Asian, right?

And

you're saying this is a period piece.

Yes, and you're trespassing on his property.

He's a guy.

I got it right now.

Yeah.

He's a guy because he has that like surfery vibe.

See, he's in Hawaii during Pearl Harbor.

That's right.

Right?

Did.

You're right.

Look at all the planes, did.

And in comes.

They're close.

Can you play Japanese?

Right?

Perfect.

Right.

Yeah.

Well, you play Polly, and then I'm.

Yeah.

You're right.

So are they bombing us during the day?

And I'm like,

and

your plane crashes on his property, but you live.

Well, I'm the worst of them.

Yeah, you're the worst kamikaze buyer.

My eyes are not good.

What if your vision are?

They're slanty, but also I don't have good vision.

You have bad vision.

Right.

And I'm kind of a little, you know what I mean?

What's up?

A little off upstairs?

Yeah, a little off upstairs.

So you crash on his property after a missing.

Bonza!

Oh, I went this way!

Right?

And I go land, I crash into his house.

Dude, you crashed into my jell-o pit.

Oh, you're not.

You know,

Emperor Hirohito is a a sun god.

Oh, bro, are you trying to hurt America?

Yeah.

Oh, I've got to lock you up.

So you become a prisoner of war

in his wealth.

I get it.

I like it.

And through connections, you slowly bond this beautiful, loving friendship.

Right.

Do you have more of the mochi boy?

You like the mochi.

You like the movie.

I want more mochi boy.

One more, dude.

Yeah, thank you.

And what happens is.

Hey, hey, that's not a mochi boy.

That's my sack.

That's my sack bag.

He tricks me, right?

But it's still good.

So now you're sucking on his mochi bar.

And then late at night, you share stories about your past and his past, and you find out you have much more in common than you ever dreamed.

Oh, what is it?

That you're both outcast losers and both, and your families never accepted you for who you really were.

You tell me a story, I see I relate.

Okay.

Okay, here we go.

When I was a kid.

Well, real quick, quick lick of mochibar, please.

Oh, here.

Thank you.

Continue, pray.

When I was a little boy, dude, Fatty.

Uh-huh.

My family didn't like the way I was.

So I played by myself in the neighborhood.

And one time,

I was molested by a mentally handicapped person.

Oh, man.

Me too.

What?

Oh, yeah.

Fatty?

My daddy.

He was number one rice maker.

Okay,

I don't know if I can relate to that part.

No, but I'm going to tell you

this part, right?

But he does not think a good rice maker myself.

Oh.

He put me down, like you, right?

Right.

Right.

Yes.

And that one.

And then my dad would hit me with golf.

Me dude, but he hit me with his

samurai sorros.

Same thing.

Same thing.

Same dude.

Yeah.

Look at this.

This is the tale of two friends.

Yeah.

That was

a Pearl Harbor kamikaze pilot gone wrong.

I think doctors realize how brilliant that was, and that is the same level of genius as Stephen Hawk.

Okay, let's go piss.

Go piss.

Yeah.

Thank you, Doc.

Thank you, Doc.

Do you need help to get there?

Do you know where?

Okay, good.

Thank you, Doc.

Thank you, Doc.

That Pinot is

next level Pinot.

I'll tell you.

He's on the Pinot.

He's gone.

What do you think of our new captured movie?

I think it's brilliant.

I think that, Doxright, you guys have the same level of genius as Stephen Hawkeye.

See?

Maybe we do.

We do, maybe.

So you'll produce it?

No.

He's going to be awesome.

How about this?

When you do a rewrite, well, let's rewrite it, re-pitch it to Paul, right?

But, you know.

I'll produce it.

I think, here's my problem with it, right?

I think that, you know, the movie's fine.

It's just what happens in between the movie when we're shooting, I'm a little afraid of.

He's different now, I'm telling you.

Like, he pinches my nipples really hard.

Well, you know what I mean?

You've got pinchable nipples.

I do.

He didn't do that to me once.

You're a girl.

He also lays on you, but he did lay on you, right?

Yeah, but he was showing me what he did to you.

Oh, damn.

That's a good way around it.

In the past.

Which is me just showing you, baby.

He laid to your body.

I never laid on any of my features.

It was never a thing.

It wasn't even a thought, really, to never.

It was more like he sat on me.

I've never sat on any of my features.

Did you guys do a tour bus or no?

No, we did a rental car.

Oh, cool.

It's a great experience.

God, it was so fun.

You guys have just been doing this for a long time then?

Yeah.

It's a little different when you're headlining, though.

Yeah,

it's not as fun.

Well, the responsibility level is much higher.

Featuring, I've always said, is fucking such a sweet spot.

It's such a sweet.

It's not going to last forever.

You obviously want to ascend and have your own thing, but

it's so fun, man.

The pressure is almost non-existent.

You worry about numbers.

You start worrying about

selling tickets.

Selling tickets.

You start to worry about selling tickets and filling seats.

And it becomes a whole thing.

How much money you can make because you can make enough to take other people on the road.

And

the analytics of all of it, it stinks.

But when you're in your spot,

fuck it.

Forget it.

Don't even think about it.

It's your prime now.

Have the most fun you've ever had.

This is the best time of my life.

I fucking deserve it, man.

It really is the best time of my life.

It's the best time of my life.

Like,

I look back and I'm glad I have been grinding and all that stuff and blah, blah, blah.

But yeah, this is awesome.

And then I literally just got off the plane from the tour and walked right into the studio here with you guys.

Like, it's a dream.

How fucking party is that?

That's amazing.

That's fucking fun.

That's really funny.

That's amazing.

And we're going to go on tour together.

We are.

We are.

We're going to Mexico.

Yeah, 100%.

You have to kick someone out.

So you're taking someone's seat.

It's one of those two guys in the window.

So I think you can guess which one is.

What?

She said that she wants to kick George out after last episode.

Yeah, George is is absolutely not coming on tour with us.

No, no, no.

I'd rather kill myself than have that guy in the fucking bus.

Are you kidding me?

You okay?

Yeah, I was holding this shit for about an hour.

I said, God damn.

How often do you pee?

Do you pee a lot?

Nah.

Once a day?

No, I pee about

maybe four or five times a day.

How many times do you pee a day?

I've never counted.

How many times do you pee a day?

Three or four times.

I feel like I pee way more than that.

Three times for me.

That's eight.

Three or four times, yeah.

I piss right in the morning.

Then I piss after I've had my coffee shit breakfast combo.

And then I probably don't piss again until the after.

Like I'm about to piss in about an hour from now.

You don't drink a lot of water.

I drink a fuckload.

I drink.

Yeah, I do.

But it stays in there until.

The worst, though, is when you're

sleeping.

The boy's got a big bladder.

When you get the key, when you're sleeping.

And your dick gets hard.

Dude, my dick's been getting so hard.

You know?

Because you know that that's a reaction to make sure you don't piss yourself.

Is that really?

Yes.

Yeah, my dick gets hard all the time now.

At night.

At night, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's also your libido checking in, being like, hey, I'd like to come sometimes.

Is that what it is?

Yeah, you get your cock sending a signal from your brain.

But also at night, you will get a hard-on.

You'll get an erection.

Your cock will fill with blood, so make sure that you don't.

You pinch it now.

Well, you don't do that.

You don't have to do that.

Yeah, but I pinch it hard.

You don't have to do that.

To go, go down, go down.

You don't have to do that.

Yeah.

You don't have to hurt it.

You can just talk to it.

Yeah, but it doesn't go down if I don't pinch it.

You can think about it.

Watch something awful and gruesome.

I have to hurt it.

Isn't that funny that our dicks can fill with blood to stop us from urinating in the middle of night?

But like you can't.

There's nothing that happens to you.

No, I just bleed through my vaginals.

It's pretty cool.

I don't think that has anything to do with you go having a kiss, but yeah,

does it affect your mood?

Like some girls, it affects their mood.

Does it affect your mood?

Welcome back to period.

Hell yeah.

I get really sad like a week before.

Yeah, and I always forget because it's pre-menstrual PMS.

It took me like a billion years to learn that.

Did you have an embarrassing period story when you first got your period?

Because I know a lot of girlfriends of mine had like a

shitty first-time story because they didn't know, or their mom didn't tell them, or they had like a very vague conversation about it.

My mom

told me about it and was so cool and got me like, you know, a variety of supplies.

Yeah, that's nice.

And it was just confusing.

And I told her afterwards, I was like, I'm just glad it's done.

Yeah.

And she said, you know, this is going to happen every month, right?

Forever.

And I was like, what?

I thought it was a one and done.

Like, you get it.

And then that the reality of the world set in on me.

But it was hard to get a hold of it.

I remember being in class and, like, oh, I guess it started, and getting up, there's just blood on my seat.

Wow.

And I just gotta shuffle out of there.

I've heard that story a few times.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Imagine if just blood came out of your dick once a month.

Fuck.

What do you mean, imagine?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This happens all the time.

We ate the cocka with you.

Yeah.

Yeah, it would fucking blow.

It would be terrible.

It would be so sad.

Yeah.

It's an extra thing to think about.

Imagine if it came for guys if it just came out of your mouth if you just were talking.

All right.

If you just started bleeding, if you're like, yeah, we're going to go to blood.

Just blood started pouring.

You're like, I'm so tired.

And then you have to see cotton in your mouth.

Yeah, yeah.

Bye bad.

Yeah, yeah.

It's fucking awful.

Yeah.

But sometimes I kind of like it because I will like, I'll like, the pain, I think I kind of have a high tolerance for pain.

And so I'll like, I'll start to kind of hallucinate a little bit.

Whoa, but not in like a dangerous way.

Like I don't think it's like a whoa, but you know when you're in pain sometimes and yeah, but you mean like from the blood loss?

No, like the cramps.

Oh, oh, the pay, the physical pain, the physical pain.

The physical pain.

And you don't take anything.

You don't take Advil or fucking mocha or.

No, I take this stuff that my stepmom, she's like neopathic.

So she sends me some stuff like

essential oil.

Well, tell the girl fans what it is.

There's a lot of chick fans out here that want to know what it is.

We'll put a link.

I don't know what it's called, but Fancy, I'll get you the link.

Fancy, get that fucking link for the period prep.

For mental cramps.

I was listening.

Because it is a fucking nightmare.

Yeah, let's get some bad friends.

I don't want to overstep.

I know I just.

You're here, baby.

You're here.

I was listening to This American Life, and there was a story of a girl who met this guy, and she really liked it.

They were in acting class or whatever in New York.

And they hook up one night, and then she was on her period.

And she goes, I don't want to, you know, I mean, it's that time of month.

He's like, I don't care.

But at like four in the morning, she looked at all the sheets and they were all bloody, right?

So she stole his sheets and put it in her bag and she left.

Like, and she's walking down, and she had to go through some sort of security check or something.

And the cops saw the bloody sheets, so they thought she murdered somebody.

So then she had to go back to the fucking apartment, and the cops had to knock on this guy's door and to see if he was alive.

And then she had to go, yeah, I stole your sheets.

How embarrassing is that?

How crazy of a story?

If he went, if he went back to the apartment, he was dead.

That's a good start of a good show.

Yeah, that's the start of a good fucking series.

Yeah, yeah.

And the coincidence of it.

Right, but he's dead.

But he's dead, but it's with a handgun to his head.

And they're like, this couldn't be blood from that.

That would be impossible.

Yeah.

This is not the blood's on the wall.

It's that way.

How do the sheets have all this blood?

But then they test the DNA on the sheets, and it's not even her blood.

Oh,

yo.

Oh, shit.

It's not even her blood.

It's someone else's blood.

But it's not even his blood.

It's not his blood either.

Where?

On the wall from his head?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's not even his blood from the wall.

It's a blood from this wall, right?

Yeah, well.

It's from a chimp.

It's from a chimp.

Yeah, a chimp blood.

Whoa.

A chimp's period blood.

Whoa!

Chimp's period blood for you.

Make this movie.

Let's make this movie.

And that's why, if you're a female killer, you always kill while you're menstruating.

That's right.

If you're going to stab someone, ladies, that's the moral of the story.

Make sure you're bleeding.

Make sure it's just spraying everywhere.

You're stabbing and spraying.

Get a little fucking funnel to spray it on him when you're chilling.

And then he goes, sorry, officer.

I was on my period.

Oh, the official.

Oh, was I on my peer?

The twist is the officer's a chimp.

Oh, yeah, the cop's a chimp.

Because one of the cops is a chimp.

And you hear a knock on the door, and you answer the door and it's a chimp, and he's got two knives.

He's like, oh, wow.

And he starts stabbing you.

Whoa!

Then you're like, what are you doing?

You're a cop.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, whoa.

Crazy world.

What a crazy world.

What a great.

You want to direct it?

I want to be in it.

Oh, well, who do you want to play?

I'll direct that actress.

You saw how good of an actress she was when we did acting scenes in the room yesterday.

Oh, that was amazing.

You have to put her on That was really good stuff.

Yeah.

Doc,

would you mind directing it?

Yeah, oh yeah.

Okay.

Hell yeah.

Because we don't have anybody in our crew that directs anything, do we?

Yeah.

I want to do a movie with them and do the loving story.

What's that?

Sorry?

The story about the two.

You know, remember, is it the, are they called The Loving?

I mean, they were the first people, the black and white couple, right?

And then it was against the law.

And then they did that.

Oh.

What are their last names?

Find out the last names.

The first interracial couple.

I know what you're talking about.

Yeah, the first interracial couple.

But the first of all people.

Yeah, we do a comedy spin on them, though.

It was the first interracial couple

of people.

The first interracial marriage.

What are their names?

Sorry, interracial marriage.

Loving Day.

June 12th is Loving Day.

Yeah.

Interracial marriage finally became legal in the United States January 26, 1965.

This photo shows Mildred.

Was it not wild that they were going to...

Didn't they go to prison for it or something?

Because they were.

Well, no, no, no.

This caused this to become a law that it's legal for interracial.

But in 1965, you couldn't do it.

That's insane.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, it's fucking.

Jackie Robertson was getting it in, though.

Just let that sit.

Let it sit.

Let it sit because I don't know what the fuck he means.

I know what he means by the time.

Yeah, explain it.

Explain it.

He was smashing white women back in his time.

He was fucking these white husbands.

Yeah, I got it.

He was getting it in.

He was out in these streets.

It depends on who you are.

You can fuck out there in them streets back when you're in the middle of the morning.

But you couldn't get married.

That was what the whole thing was about.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm sure Sidney Pointier fucked white girls too.

That's my point.

They had to hide it.

He actually liked Asian women, Sidney Poitier.

Did he really?

Big time.

Loved Asian girls.

Oh, yeah.

Loved.

Was not a big fan of

white women.

Oh, wow.

I have a story that somebody told me.

That's a lie.

I have a story that somebody told me, and I feel so guilty because it's hearsay.

Yeah, but we got to hear it.

Say it.

All right.

It's hearsay.

This is not hearsay.

All right, this is hearsay.

And I'm a huge fan of this woman that I'm about to talk about, so I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Oh, go ahead.

Okay, I'm going to do it.

All right.

So back in the 90s, I used to do shows with this guy named Dave Tyree.

Don't remember that person.

Okay, he was an old black comic.

Oh, yeah, Dave Tyree.

You know Dave Tyree, right?

He used to do a bit about

that's Dave Tyree.

Right?

That's his mother.

That's Polly, by the way.

Yeah, yeah.

And he was a funny guy, right?

Yeah.

Sure.

I don't know.

He really was.

Yeah.

Okay.

For the time.

I wasn't there.

Yeah, and Tyree was like, let me tell you a story.

And I go.

Where's he from?

I don't know.

Detroit?

Okay.

Why?

It's just a little accent.

I heard a little accent.

So, was it Asian?

Yeah.

Let me tell you a story.

Every time you go to an accent, you go, let me tell you a story.

I don't know where it is.

Is that what you heard?

Guys, is that what you heard?

Absolutely.

Let me tell you a story.

Let me tell you a story.

Is that fine?

Sure.

Let me just keep doing it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I go, I don't want to hear a story right now.

No, I'm going to tell you a story.

Okay, fine.

That was different than the first time.

Thank you.

So anyway, he goes, back in the day when I moved to LA, right, I met Richard Pryor.

I'm like, cool.

Is that it?

No.

He invites me to a party, right?

And cocaine,

everything's happening.

You know what I mean?

People having sex in the living room, right?

It was wild, he said, right?

Drunk.

And then

fucking Pryor comes up to him and goes, you like Asian pussy?

And Dave Tyree goes, I guess, yeah, it's a high.

You know what I mean?

Come here, come here.

And he goes, in a room, there was an Asian lady laying on her back.

She was completely naked.

She wasn't passed out.

She was loose, you know.

And he goes, go ahead, right?

Are these guys dead, by the way?

David Tyree dead?

No, he's still alive.

Okay.

We'll find out where the story goes.

But the girl was.

A naked Asian, it was Connie Chung.

Shut the fuck up.

Whoa.

Connie Chung?

And she was just letting everyone have it.

I don't know.

That's what he told me.

And they didn't sleep for a week.

Man, comedy is just not like that anymore.

I know.

You're never at a party and when it's some dick, you go and it's Anderson Cooper completely naked on a farm.

I have been to that party.

Yeah, actually.

Yeah, I have been to that party.

And I don't even think that's true.

There's no way that story is true.

Why?

Why would it not be?

Because she's a newscaster and she, you know.

They don't like dick.

Yeah, what was that?

Nancy Pelosi.

She was getting it onree.

She was getting fucking smoked.

By who?

Like, wasn't she blowing everybody?

Blowing everybody, dude.

Wait, wait, Nancy Pelosi was blowing who?

The insurrectionist?

What happened?

What the fuck is going on?

Pelosi, they call her the erectionist.

Nancy Pelosi.

Wasn't that the story?

Maybe I got the wrong person.

No, no, I don't know if it's Nancy Pelosi.

No, it's Pelosi for show, dog.

Was she with JFK?

Are you thinking about it?

She was blowing him.

That's what made his head explode.

How did Jackie not see Pelosi sucking off Kennedy in that car?

That's the conspiracy theory on it.

So she was the second shooter.

I could have sworn there was this big story going around that when she was younger, she gave everybody hand jobs.

That's cool.

That's cool.

Now,

my career is a good thing.

I like that.

That's a cool thing to do.

Yeah.

So, you know, they get around.

Well,

I love how Pete types in Nancy Pelosi hand jobs.

when they when they seize that laptop from the feds

remember the insurrection remember the insurrection where that guy went to remember the insurrection

i forget and he was sitting like this on nancy pelosi's office maybe he was looking for a hand job oh waiting patient yeah like i heard about this girl maybe that's what he was some it's probably some other white lady in politics and all the fans are gonna say it on the comments who do we think it could be

yeah i don't think you hear the connie chunk thing i feel bad about saying it it's just a story that you heard from somebody that isn't.

It's not a real story.

Times were different.

Times were different.

70s.

70s.

70s.

Yeah, you're right.

70s, yeah.

I just don't want Maury Povich.

Have you ever been to?

I want Maury Povic to come after me.

You know what I mean?

He's in a wheelchair, maybe.

Have you ever been to a Hollywood party where it was filled with sex and drugs like that?

One.

I've been to one as well.

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, one time.

It must have been a long time ago.

That's long time.

Was it in the Hills?

No.

What was it?

So,

I did this NACA conference.

Fuck, do you know what NACA is?

Oh, that's so funny.

That was our gen.

NACA was the National Association of College.

It's something it was for to do college shows.

Yeah, and they stopped booking me because, you know, basically you go and they have all these colleges in the region, and they come, and they always said to me, you have to be squeaky clean.

And I never did.

You had to be G.

See, every time I would perform, half the room would walk out.

Yeah.

They just would walk out.

And I could see my college agent just go in the back, like, what the fuck.

Because back then, he just showed his fucking cup.

When you were a young cop,

back then, you couldn't make any money doing clubs because you weren't a headliner yet.

You couldn't get A-rooms, but you could get paid big money to do college clubs.

Yeah, like Schwartz and those guys did.

I mean, they would clean up.

But I did not book a lot.

But there was one girl who was religious, but she thought I was attractive.

Right.

So I exchanged numbers and I go, you know what I want to do?

I'm going to Vegas.

And I'm, because at the time, Dave Navarro.

I knew Dave Navarro.

Dave Navarro, the rock star.

And so I bring this religious girl to his bachelor party.

What?

Yeah.

Right?

And it's in Vegas.

I forgot what hotel it was.

Why would you bring a girl to a bachelor?

But I remember going to the floor of the hotel and everything's pitch black with these candles.

And there was like blood on the wall.

It was like fucking crazy.

Right?

And you hear like bats.

Like, you know what I mean?

And she's like, I could feel like she's, oh, I'm holding her hands.

And she's shaking, right?

And I go, I don't know what's going on here.

You know what I mean?

We open this door and there's this table with two women and they have two dildos, right?

And they're fucking each other on this thing, right?

And other men around there jerking off, right?

And I'm trying to act cool like, this is a part of my life.

This is normal.

Right?

I'm just kind of going, haha.

You know what I mean?

And I just remember it being the scariest place I've ever been.

Did you do anything, though?

I made love to her in the hotel room.

You did?

Yeah.

Sweet love?

No.

No, gross.

Yeah, that's all done there.

And I got some of the bad.

That was a normal Christian kind of like sexual experience.

But I just remember that was like my first, there was like, you know, it was weird.

And, you know what I mean?

What's normal Christian sex like?

Well, I'll tell you what I do, right?

I take the sheet, I I take scissors, and I put a little hole in it.

Oh, for your mouth, right?

You say grace first.

Yeah.

And I lay her on her back.

God, please bless this food that I'm about to receive.

I lay the whole sheet over her body.

Right, so you can't see each other.

So I can't see each other.

And I see the little opening, right?

And I fuck her in the belly button.

No, I do missionary and maybe a couple of extra side moves.

I went to a celebrity's house a long time ago that I didn't belong at.

And it wasn't like anything absurd.

People were doing drugs for sure.

But I walked in on somebody fucking in a room and I was like, oh shit.

And I, and they both looked at me and they were like, what's wrong?

It's okay.

And then I thought, should I stay?

Because they both are very casual about it.

It wasn't like, get the fuck out.

They were fucking and I was like, oh shit.

And they were like, it's cool.

It's cool.

It's cool.

It's totally cool.

And I was just like, sorry.

And I just left real slow

because I wanted to give them a chance to be like, get over here.

Do you know?

But I was like, both of these guys were just too big.

I didn't want to.

I have one more.

Did I ever tell you about the Asian sex party?

Did you miss the whole gay part of that?

I got it.

Thanks, Keith.

It was too bad.

It wasn't too guys.

Don't tease it.

I heard it.

I just wasn't alarmed by it.

Yeah, so

you shouldn't be.

I wasn't alarmed by it either.

And you shouldn't be, Juice.

Yeah.

And you shouldn't be.

Did I tell you about the Asian sex party?

No.

No.

It was right by the comedy store.

Okay.

The Andes.

It It used to be, what was it, Hilton?

Hilton, yeah.

Yeah.

So you know how I love to go to Carney's, Hyatt.

The Hyatt.

You know, I like to go to Carney's and get those gigantic chocolate hot dogs too.

Do we?

Right?

Do you remember I used to do that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So at Carney's, they have these gigantic chocolate

bananas, I mean, right?

And I used to go to dock and I used to suck on the thing.

I apologize for that.

Yeah, yeah, that's how I do it, right?

But I used to get those chocolate things, and I was walking with this chocolate.

It was like maybe 12:30 at night, right?

And there was 200 Asian young people, all dressed in white, standing outside of the fucking

Hyatt.

I go, what do you guys think?

We're from San Francisco.

We do this like yearly thing in L.A.

It's a sex club.

Oh, yeah.

Right?

And I go, oh, good, good.

And they go,

come on.

And I go, okay.

What?

No, no, I know the story.

Have I told this on this podcast before?

Well, then I don't want to fucking do it.

Tell Juice.

That's fine.

Tell Juice.

Me too, because I don't even know.

Yeah, tell them.

They haven't heard it.

Okay, so they had rented out this whole floor, right?

And you know how sometimes hotel rooms have other doors that are just an entrance to the other hotel rooms?

Adjoining.

Adjoining.

Adjoining room.

So all those doors are open.

All the doors are open.

You know what I mean?

On this fucking thing.

It was just like you could just walk into a room.

Yeah.

Right.

So I'm walking.

Oh, there's two guys.

I walk into the room and there's these two girls on the bed completely naked.

And I don't know, I still have half of the hot dog, too.

I gotta finish that.

I gotta finish it.

I gotta finish that before.

So I just sit there at these jeans on.

I'm just sitting there just eating the hot dog.

I see them both get up from the fucking bed and come toward me.

One girl starts kissing my neck.

And the other girl starts, you know, touching my pee-pee, Toki, right?

And Toki's like, think, think, think, think, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

But I knew at that moment that I was about to cheat on Sarah, and I just, something just came over, and I just just pushed them aside.

Right.

That's so funny.

And I ran out.

Still, the chocolate hot dog.

I'm running out, right?

I finished it at the store, the chocolate thing.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But

can I tell you the funniest part to me about that so far is that they invited you to the sex party.

You went up to the rooms, watched the naked girls.

They came over to you, start kissing you, and then you said,

I'm not going to cheat on them.

This is too far.

I wouldn't know what you mean to explain.

No, no, I like this.

I like this.

Stop.

Hold back.

Hold back.

Because

if there was some wild sex party and they invited me, I'd be like, oh, no, I'm in a monogamous relationship.

Yeah, because I.

Hilarious.

Oh, she's coming from a woman's perspective.

I guess you're not going to be a sorry.

Yeah, but

you're not an Asian TV star.

You're not an Asian TV star.

I don't want my family.

Thanks for reminding me.

Don't let me.

Number one, it's not even a woman's perspective.

It's just a loyal perspective.

Hey, Doc, shut the fuck up.

Listen to me, okay?

He's giving you a piece of his heart and stuff.

Listen to me, but like, they walked all the way over to you so what you're saying to me is this you had so many chances to leave

but but is no i want to ask is showing up to that and being on the side of the bed cheating no no to walk into a hotel room where people are partying knowing it's a sex party is that cheating to you no like if you found out that your boyfriend did that would you be upset yeah

you'd be upset just on that alone yeah i'd say we should redefine things because i've been turning down all these sex parties.

I keep getting invited to all these fuck parties.

I see.

I see.

Yeah, it's more of like an equality thing than equality.

All right, right, okay, okay.

You want things to be equal, don't you?

Yeah.

But let's have Juice say goodbye in her traditional Pauly Shore sign-off

to take us out.

What's up, bad friends?

Thank you.

Yes, what a good episode.

That was a great episode.