Rudy v Jessie

Is anyone out there?

Hmm.

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Exhausting.

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You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Hey, Bobby's here.

What's up, Bob? We're not starting yet. All right.
I'm not, my energy is. No, you're right.
Woo! Anyway, no, because, you know, on the internet, my ass is glistening from the live show and they put, because I put oil butter on my butt and um people are going i'm jerking off to it or you know i mean this is the greatest thing i've ever seen two positive comments so far i'm jerking off to it yeah but the thing is is that i i feel like i'm being used you are being used you are being used welcome to the internet welcome to comedy welcome to being a a personality you are for other people's enjoyment and entertainment yeah but not in a sexual way i've never no no sex is part of it buddy sec you are a sex object respect me for my mind you don't have a good mind that's why it's broke you're all body baby you're all body oh look we hung up your thong behind you we had bobby's mom on there which was like probably one of the greatest greatest we've ever had. Other than our newfound family friend, Jetski Johnson.
Give it up for the Jetski. Jetski's gone.
No, Jetski, Jetski. That's her new name.
You don't like Jetski? It's Jetski now, officially. Do you not like it or does it make you feel offensive? I like all the nicknames.
I'm a big fan of nicknames. So it's going to be Jesse Jetski Juicy Johnson.
So sick. Yeah, that's it.
That's so sick. For now.
Has anybody tried to create a nickname for you that you didn't like? Like the C word. Yeah, like.
And you're like, I don't want to call me that. Did you say that? No, sometimes people say like, what do you prefer, Jetski or Jesse? And like, they're asking me my pronouns.
And I'm like, you can call me whatever. And then they're like, okay, well, why don't I call you a bitch? No.
You don't call you a bitch. You don't call Jet Ski a bitch, baby.
You're part of Bad Friends Mafia. You know who named you Juicy? One of you guys.
I did. You did.
Juicy, baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I liked you. I think Juicy is the move.
And we should introduce Juicy, our new family member To someone that's on her way out If she keeps up her attitude Rudy Jules Hello Rudy I like Juicy, Juicy's very silly I like Rudy Your angle I like your angle That's a really angle. That's a really good angle.
He's smart. It's a smart angle.
It's a Filipino angle, and that's how you guys survive. You know what I call that angle? The D-durte.
The D-durte? Yeah, the D-durte angle. What is that? He's the president.
He's a terrible person. Oh, D-durte.
Yeah, D-durte. Oh, yeah.
It's a D-durte angle, and what you're trying to do, I like it, but I see right through it. Okay? You like her? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. What do you like about her? And she wore her bad friend's shirt today.
She's looking to not get fired yeah yeah she wore the shirt she's being sweet yeah she showed up early yeah she drove herself i know like usually i have to drag her in the car so i'll be there prompt prompt is oh you don't want to get fired yeah prompt i'llpt. Prompt.
I'll be there prompt. Prompt.

Right.

She's not your competition.

No, not at all.

I'm not.

I'm just saying I like her.

Defensive, defensive, defensive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do you like about her?

You don't know anything about her.

You know nothing about her. When I came in, her vibe is just very sweet and nice.

Correct.

That is true.

Why don't you guys have a conversation then?

Right now.

I'm not good with conversation. No, you have.
Your job is on the line, my friend. All right? All right? So you guys were talking earlier about anime and stuff.
What the fuck, man? We already did. It's done.
We did. I'm impressed with Rudy because you are how old? 20.
Yeah, you're young. And when I was 20, I was working at a smoke shop.
I dropped out of college. How old are you now? I'm 32.
I'm ancient. You guys look similar in age, though.
You look so young. You look so young.
Yeah. Thank you.
Juicy looks so young. Yeah.
32. I'm only six years older than her, and I look like I'm fucking her dad.
I could be your dad. Yeah, on TV? No, no.
If we walked in a restaurant and I was like, my daughter wants something to eat. Oh, they would buy it.
100%. I go, that's his kid.
I could be your grandfather? Yes. Great.
Great, great grandfather. Great, great oppa.
On TV. On TV, yeah.
That'd be weird. And then who would she be? If that's our kid, then that's our what? Skin tag.
Maid? What? Skin tag. Skin tag? That's our skin tag yeah yeah all right like she looks like she would grow on your neck yeah i'm like a back and they're like hey get that removed i go no that's rudy you go to the dermatologist i go no that's rudy you look like something i develop when i get skin cancer like you why she grows on me because whenever white people like me get dark spots look at look at her when i get dark spots like your color then I have to go to the derm to make sure It's not cancerous You're my cancer It's like benign You better hope it's benign Malignant's the bad one Benign is the good one You really watch anime Juice? I've seen a few animes and I really like them And so I was She's obsessed.
Yeah. What's the new one you're on? We talked about it already.
Cock. Cock? No.
You're making that up. No, I say Kaguya-sama.
Oh, Kaguya-sama. What does that look like, George? Kaguya-sama? George is the only producer in the house today, by the way.
We're putting him to work. Everyone's gone.
Kaguya-sama, love is war. That's sick.
That's a great title. Love is war.
Love is war. Look at that.
Oh my God. What is that there? That's a Kaguya-sama.
Oh. Now, who is that, Rudy? I'm still watching the first episode.
So you're not watching it. So you're not into it.
I'm still watching. I'm trying.
Wait, wait, wait. So we ask you, what are you into right now? Croc of shit.
Right? You're a croc of shit, man. And you go Kaguya-sama, which is fine, right? But you're like, I'm trying wait wait so we ask you what are you into right now crock of shit right you're a crock of shit man and you go cocky asana which is fine right but you're like I'm still watching the first episode which is you haven't seen it yet I'm already into it you're gonna finish it too yeah like every episode you watch it like you read a book yeah George what are you doing you're in it you've been doing this for 30 years what are you doing no legitimately he's been producing for 30 years producing this for 30 years.
What are you doing? We're talking. I don't know what you're doing.
God, he's crazy. I'm getting it loaded up so that it's right once you're done talking.
What are you loading up? Kage Usama, Love is War, a 10 out of 10 anime. Oh, my God.
We weren't even going to do that. It's not even a thing.
Let him do it. Now we have to see it.
Here we go. Oh, get somebody else's review.
Oh, this is stupid. It's like, just turn it off.
Just turn it off. George Kimmel.
George Kimmel. That looks good.
Juicy, what's your first impression of George? Have you met him before? Just now, we met. Hey, remember, I book everybody who comes out here.

So just so you know.

Honestly.

Just so you know, he has fucking zero power at all.

If you want to be booked on anything ever, you ask Bobby or me.

No power.

So just judge freely.

Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.

But it goes through me.

It goes through me.

Be quiet.

What's your impression?

And be honest.

Please be honest. And I'll know you're lying.
And just look at us. Don't even look at him.
No need to be too honest. Oh, George, I swear to God.
I think under these working conditions, he's really holding it together. He's got a pretty hostile boss here.
does But you know what Who's hostile?

You

But they've been working together for 20

How many years?

Long time

Over 10

You just said that I was a hostile boss

Well you're yelling at him a lot

Yeah he does yell at him a lot

I would be crying if I was George back then

But here's the difference Juice

Here's the difference Juice

You don't get yelled at because you don't do that kind of shit

He yells because George does that stuff

You wouldn't do that

You're too good

All right. I was George back then.
But here's the difference, Juice. Here's the difference, Juice.
Yeah. You don't get yelled at because you don't do that kind of shit.

He yells because George does that stuff.

You wouldn't do that. Let me ask you something.

You're too good.

I'm the boss at Home Depot.

Oh my God, yeah.

All right.

And I had an employee, right,

taking the chainsaw

and he's like trying to attack dogs, right?

As a boss, I would have to go,

hey!

Cut it out!

Cut it out!

Number one, don't use that. It's a brand new chainsaw new change number two don't try to kill the patron's dogs right that's the wood slicer not the dog slicer exactly exactly thank you so much and you would be the good employee that would say the month you would come in and go what would you say so i'd say and then you come from behind and go what that's what you just said oh that's the wood slicer the dog slicers all five exactly yeah and you would get a raise but what i point is is that if i didn't yell at that guy for doing that then the home depot would be it would be a difficult work environment it would be it'd be lows you know it would be low and we just can't have that around here this has to be home depot yeah this is home depot this is home depot okay did you stop by the way youtube is gonna have a cut ad right now that they're gonna run a home depot ad because we've said it five fucking times all right right right this is what happens youtube is listening so diligently and by the way i'd like to say something to youtube you guys are fucking bullshit they're fucking bullshit you know they keep there you guys are great my favorite fuck them no it Google now.
And you know what they're doing to us? YouTube's great. They keep taking away us.
They pull us out of the algorithm because we say crazy shit. Well, don't say YouTube sucks then.
Maybe that's... Let's just start there.
Let's start there. Fuck YouTube.
That's what I'm saying. I don't think they like it.
That should be the cover. Should I do it too? Yeah, do it.
Fuck you. Hey, YouTube, suck a big dick.
One. Hey, face YouTube.
Hey, fungoo, fungoo, fuck you. Fungoo, fungoo, fungoo, fungoo.
Suck it. Suck it, suck it.
That the taint regions of my fucking bubble. There it is.
Yeah. Say something guys about YouTube.
Go ahead. Go ahead guys.
More of a Vimeo girl. Oh, sick thing.
In your face,

YouTube. What about you?

YouTube, eat shit.

Eat shit. Love that.

And that's from Duterte's. Well, you got a lot of shit from last night?

No, no, no. It wasn't too bad.

What do you mean? You got so much love on the live stream.

I think people loved it.

I saw one

comment. One comment is all I need to survive

for a full month.

I saw one comment that criticized why

we actually never put my finger inside of your butt.

Thank you. one comment is all I need to survive for like a full month.
I think I saw one comment that criticized why we actually never put my finger inside of your butt. Why? And I said, we never got a tip.
We said we would do it for a thousand dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He wanted me to put my finger in his ass for a thousand dollars all the way. And then for 10 grand, put it out and taste it, which I would have done.
No one had the balls to tip 10K. Yeah.
Would you have done that? For 10 grand? Yeah. I mean, it'd be hard to say no.
Yeah, you couldn't say no. It's a lot of money that someone gives.
But I mean, who do we have? Some Saudi fucking prince watching the show? Yeah. Would you stick your finger in my butthole for $1,000? No.
Well, let's play this game. She's a decent human.
You're a decent human being like, okay, so 10,000. I feel like any butt play is not great for my...
The image. The rest of my career.
I see. We're at the end.
We're at the end. See, we can just do whatever.
Our crew is over. Over, over.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see.
So any butt play. You putting your finger in his anus you think is damaging to you you're in control you have the power yeah how about you sticking your own finger in your own butthole that's different that's OnlyFans that's OnlyFans yeah that's a whole different thing yeah yeah yeah you know if I you're right you know you're like a daughter to me so I don't want you to do any of that kind of stuff okay would you eat things on the internet like internet? Like, how about this? What if we said, here's a bowl full of maggots that are alive.
And we'll put some cereal. Like, we'll put oat milk in it just to make it tasty.
Oat milk is delicious. Right? It's a live maggots.
Would you eat it for how much? Oh, my God. It's 100 maggots.
I have to eat all 100? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So many maggots.
How about 20? Like 10 maggots is a lot. Yeah, 10 maggots.
How much for 10 maggots with some oat milk? 10,000. I'll do a thousand a maggot.
That's pretty good. How about you, Jules? I want to try frogs.
Yeah, she wants to eat the fucked up shit. You know how much she would have crushed that show? Frogs? Yeah.
What was that show? 20 frogs in a bowl? 20 is fine.

But it needs to be fried, not raw.

Right.

Right.

Of course, we're going to cook the fucking frogs.

What's Rogan's show?

What was that called?

Fear Factor.

Yeah, you would have killed on Fear Factor.

You would have been so good.

There's nothing that you wouldn't eat.

What were they?

I mean, they ate a lot of like, you know, I don't even know.

It was like testicles of certain kinds of animals or the asshole of an animal. You know? You know what I saw? I saw a tweet the other day and I thought of you.
I almost sent it to you. Someone goes, wait till pro-lifers find out about Balut.
And I was like, that's incredible. That's so true.
If you thought about that, yeah. Yeah.
Wait till pro-lifers find out about balut but pro-lifers eat egg it's the

same thing yeah but balut's like a it's developed oh yeah that's true it's like a fucking bird you know what balut is uh-uh i'm figuring it out in context we ate it we ate it on the show tell her what it is tell juice what balut is it's like a uh raw egg but inside there's like a baby duck and it's like a really good food in the Philippines.

Yeah, look, there's a photo.

Oh my God. And they eat that on the street.
Like, you know how we have tacos and hot dogs on the street after a bar? This is their bacon wrapped hot dog. Yeah, that's their bacon wrapped hot dog.
You put vinegar and salt, and it's really good. You need it.
You need it. I threw up.
I almost threw up live on the show. It was so.
And a lot of it has hair was just gonna ask is there like yes yes yeah the smell is unbelievable it's it's they are still kind of like they say things like help please please don't eat don't eat and the end this fucking one she just didn't care yeah yeah would you't think so. Yeah.
No judgment. It's a cultural thing, but yeah, you probably would.
So if you were in a country, different country, and they had some sort of weird thing that the people ate, you wouldn't eat it? You would refuse? My dad's always like, my whole life, you know, you should at least try something once, you know, with food and stuff. But like, there's certain things that i just don't sound good to me like you know this sushi with the egg on there's like some kind of sushi like like uh uni you mean uni or no no no um what's it called not muguru what's it called um it's called it's kala loves it so it's just an egg right i think so like a raw egg or something i don't know there's some of that stuff that i'm like i could maybe do without trying it just an egg, right? I think so.
Like a raw egg or something. I don't know.
There's some of that stuff that I'm like, I could maybe do without trying it.

An egg.

Like that?

You mean the yolk of an egg?

Yeah.

There's some uni down there with an egg yolk on it.

You know what that is?

The little red stuff is roe.

It's roe.

Fish eggs.

Yeah.

What do you eat?

Fish eggs?

Isn't that what caviar is?

Yeah.

Yeah, you already ate it.

You already ate it.

Yeah, I already ate it. We took you there you there you ate it already those are just bigger ones i don't know yeah i should be more adventurous with things sometimes you just get set in your ways what's your way what's your ways like what's your go-to meal yeah salads a lot of salads that's lately i've been trying to like just be healthy and be consistent with food but then occasionally Like pizza Pizza so good Yeah yeah Pizza so good I fucking hate salads I eat them only Because I know I'm supposed to Otherwise I would never Fucking eat a salad ever again Salads fucking suck It depends on what it is I don't give a shit What you put in there Fucking sucks Give me a fucking sandwich Like candied walnuts Yes With some cranberry I like that kind of stuff Then it's not a a salad.
At some point they're putting... And ice cream.
Remember the ice cream salad? Ice cream salad? Oh, that's right. We had ice cream salad.
Well, that's not salad. No, it is salad.
Show me a fucking picture. No, no.
Stop, stop. Just let me describe it.
Can I describe it? Thanks, bud. Back on the right track.
You see that? Yeah, we're back on the track. Yeah, because we had it together, right? Yeah.
It was in Tulsa, Oklahomasa oklahoma really nice restaurant beautiful salad right on top of it is a feta right it's that it's like a goat cheese a goat cheese ice cream it's cold and it's an ice cream it's literally ice cream on lettuce on lettuce no thank you it's so fucking candied. Good.
Ice cream has no business on salad. Ice cream has.
It's so good. That's all it took? I mean, that's convincing.
I'm telling you, I took a scooter every day to go get that. Get the fuck out of here, you guys.
Lettuce has no fucking business being with ice cream. Yeah, I'm telling you right now, dude, it would blow your mind.
Check this out. Chaka, chaka, chaka.
What would it be like without the fucking salad, just the ice cream? Pretty good. So what do I need the salad for? Because they work well together.
They complement each other. How is that? What kind of lettuce? And also, we opened with that.
Usually ice cream, you close with it. That's an opener.
We opened with it, with some bacon. What was the middle? Who featured? A featured, what would we eat? Deer or something? And who was the closer? The closer was like creme brulee or something.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Anyway. Did you say ribs? I don't usually eat dessert, so I forgot the dessert.
But yeah, we had the dessert. Why don't you eat dessert? What are you talking about He ate ribs for dessert Fucking idiot Fucking moron My dad calls him Pig sickles Pig sickles That's so good That's so good Pig sickles Your dad is the fucking man Where is your dad North Carolina That's right When I feature for Pauly Coming up next week I'm gonna visit him At the end of the tour Are you doing good nights Yeah Yeah Raleigh Have you done any dates With with paul yet yeah in vegas oh yeah what was it like it's fun we talked about it right right i don't know yeah last time we talked about it dude so funny paulie came into the store the other night and he was a pop-in on the pop-in sheet yeah and he was and i was doing tiger belly i was doing tiger belly live yeah and he's like what's up bro and i was like hey man i gotta be honest with you you can't jump me like I love you but I have to go do Tiger Belly with Bobby if this happens this will fuck up everything he goes you're good dude you're good and I go also I don't know if you want to go next anyway because Argus I'm not exaggerating Argus threw up all over inside the green room bathroom what wait listen for people that don't know Argus Hamilton is one of the most legendary comedians at the Comedy Store.
He's the fucking man. He opens up the show.
He has new shit every single time I see the dude. He's an OG.
Respect. Yeah, I love him.
Respect. I love him.
Argus says to me, I'm not kidding. He goes, oh man, I'm sorry.
I threw up all over the place. And I was like like are you sick he goes i don't think so i think uh i think it's from the carny's carny's hamburger i just ate you ever had one of those yeah i was like carny's the train on sunset the hot dog place yeah no i've never had a hamburger there he's like well don't do it dude he puked all over the green room bath the poor guy and then and then danny made him take a covid test because danny was like nervous he was like why are you how do you not know if you're sick yeah because argus was like i don't think i'm sick and he's like what do you mean what does that mean you'd be you would know what's going on so danny went and got him a fucking covid test and made him take it yeah and i told paulie that and he was like really i was like i'll wipe down the mic before and after it's a fucking it's a fucking circus it's a circus.
Yeah. Argus saved my life.
Did he? Yeah. He got me sober the first time.
One of the guys. He's been sober for how long? 40 years? 40 years.
Yeah, it's crazy. But although, if he's speaking at an A meeting, I have to leave.
I have to leave. I have to leave.
Why? I can't do it. Does he do jokes he does his act and then it's like no one does his act you know what I mean you know what I mean it's tough it's tough because he starts you know he'll say something like yeah me and Sammy Davis Jr you know we used to you know he told me this one joke at a cafe and it's like yeah but we're trying to get sober this makes me want to get fucked up talk about the sobriety yeah but he's a good man he's a good man he's a good man he didn't talk to me for two years because I don't know one night I had to follow him and i was in a bad mood and and i said something like you know run or plus for the old bitch with the wig yeah that would make something like that right yeah and but and i'm on stage it kind of got a laugh and i could see him in the back just you know it's just his silhouette just kind of like takes off his wig god damn it i mean.
I mean, it was just like, I felt so bad. Yeah, why would you say that? I've said so many bad things.
By the way, he doesn't have a wig. What are you talking about? I don't know what the joke was.
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Have you said anything mean? My rule is if they're killing, then I'll go and make a joke about them. But if somebody goes before me and bombs, I'm not going to attack them more.
That's a good rule. That's a really good rule.
But when you're one of the headliners on the list, here's our rules. At some point, if I don't know you well, I don't talk anything about you.

That's probably smart.

I don't like this idea that people say stuff when they don't really know somebody.

It's like, what the fuck is that?

You don't know that.

You don't know how they're going to take it.

My rule is always like him and I, it's no rules.

There is a rule, and I'm going to tell you something right now.

You did this thing.

And I'm going to do it every time.

You did something the other day that made me so fucking angry angry it crushed for you it crushed for me so good you did your set i had a really good set i had a really good set then i gave him an incredible intro and then he came out and i just kept coming back out on stage no no that's not it that's not it not only did he i walked through crowd. Yeah, so I'm on stage doing my jokes, and he's walking around the crowd, and people are cheering him on, right? He left the building.
I'm like, okay, I'm going to go into my act. He runs back in, right? And everyone's cheering.
And in my head, I'm like, if he wasn't a guy that I loved, I might kill him. You would do this to me.
You would 100% do that to me. Not when you're doing your jokes.

That is not true.

Not when it's your turn.

That's not true

because when I'm in the OR,

you've come back up on stage

and fucked around with me

when I'm in the OR.

You've wanted that.

You've asked for it.

I didn't ask for it.

Oh, cut it the fuck out.

Hey, you.

This is an agreement

you and I have

for the rest of our lives.

No, that's your agreement.

I want to create an agreement.

Okay, go ahead and create one.

Right.

You're allowed to do it after you say my name, right?

First, ask me first.

Before. Never.

Okay, that's not the agreement then. Well, it's the one

I'm making. I know.
Would you negotiate

this?

I wish you guys would do more back

to back spots at the store. I like

stuff like that. Why?

Because we're friends and it's fun. We're friends and it's fun.
It's exciting. It's live theater.
Maren brings me out the same way. I've told you this every time.
He goes tried to be friends with this guy. We hung out once.
It didn't work. Andrew Santino.
He does it every time. Every fucking time.
I tried to be friends with the guy he didn't work he goes this next guy he's all right do you think he's maybe trying to see if you ask him to hang out more yeah it's 100 what he's doing i think so no mark is a sweet and he has become a good friend i love him he's just so funny about hanging out he's like why don't you ask to go on hikes i'm like because i can't i'm squeezing in things during the day i don't have i don't have huge gaps of the day where it's like i can make my way over to his house and drink coffee and play with cats and go hike i don't have a lot of time he loves cats don't shame him i didn't i just said i didn't want to play with them all day and the man loves cats he's allowed to love he's got eight of them he loves them he brings me on the same way though he always goes we try to be friends we hung out once it's not gonna you should see what he used to say about me what would he say I can't even say it say it and we'll beep it no it wasn't it's nothing that you can believe it was just kind of just so mean that like I had to go afterwards one night this is before I was I'm very good friends with him now yeah he's the i love him now what happens um like in fact you know when he does largo he always invites me to open and like i just love him and he's you know he's family but 12 years ago he would like you would say this next guy he's a dancing clown he you know he needs to you know give you energy and an attitude to get laughs you know not really good joke writer you know how much of that do you think he meant all of it how much of it because it wasn't like I didn't know him you know what I mean did that hit home for you oh I would just be rage tears in the back would you would you still get up there and dance like a clown though? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's my talent.
That's all I know how to do. That's the thing because you're watching it going, it's true.
I mean, it's mean. It's mean but true.
But true. That's Mark.
Mark is mean but true. You mean true.
Yeah. I could say things about him.
You know what I mean? Go ahead. He gives no energy.
To you. Yeah, on stage.
He gives no energy on stage. He's bitter, angry.
I mean, I could say things, but I don't do that. He's a legend.
I say the good things, you know what I mean? Yeah. I give great intros.
You'd give some of the best. The best in the world.
You've seen a lot working at the store. Who gives the worst intros? Oh, my God.
Wait, can I defer and tell you something crazy that happened last night? Okay. The AC was out in the original room.
Oh my God. Oh my God, that's it.
It was 94 degrees last night? So hot. We had three fans going, which did nothing.
And in the middle of the show, like five comics in, I should say, Greg Fitzsimmons was on stage and a lady stood up in the back and said my husband he's choking I need a doctor can someone get a doctor I know and then I'm working the room and I know our security Joe's an EMT so I go Joe Joe Joe we need Joe and he comes in and we clear it and also we're thinking how's he choking we don't serve food there there's no food yeah so he wasn't choking Kaylee who plays the piano um before we figured out what was happening kaylee chase she tried to give him the heimlich remover remover the heimlich maneuver and two people yelled out you're too weak no and then really yes this is in the middle of fitz's set the lights come on what's greg doing greg I already respected Greg a lot as a comic. I respect him so much more now.
He was like, okay, everybody, let's just stay calm. Let's give him some room.
Everybody just step back. And then they said, okay, yeah, it looks like he's breathing now.
And people started clapping. He goes, let's keep the energy down.
He was like controlling the room, keeping things light, not trying to get laughs during the sky. That's really nice.
That's really nice. What a gentleman.
One of the best comics in the country. Yeah.
And then Joe got him out. The guy was fine.
I think it was just heat exhausted. Got him out to the patio.
And then Greg got the show back rolling and then brought up Moshe. moshe kasher called the 911 it's like all the comments were saving this guy's life for backstage moshe was about to go up next so oh wow another great guy they were all helping this guy with kaylee chase once can i just say something embarrassing that happened i love kaylee i love kaylee oh i was calling Fist because I wanted to hear his story Sure.
I love Kaylee. I love Kaylee.

Oh, I was calling Fist because I wanted to hear his story.

So I love Kaylee Chase, right?

The pianist.

Pianist.

I adore her.

Is she permanent now or are they still switching with like... They have three keyboard players.

Yeah.

Are they all still rotating?

Uh-huh.

But she's like...

So I didn't know who her dad was, right?

Sure.

So one day... You know who her dad is now, right? Yeah.
So one day. Oh, I know.
This is because of the story. Chevy was.
Chase was on stage. Chevy was Chase.
Chevy Chase was on stage. And I didn't.
He was eating it. I mean, I just point blank.
And I was at the cover booth. What do you mean? He was bombing? Yeah.
Nice. And I was at the cover booth.
And Kaylee's behind the counter. And I got this fucking fuck face.
Oh, my God. It's fucking idiot.
She goes, he's my dad. I go, oh, anyway.
What am I up? You were shitting on Chevy Chase? Oh, my God. Why? Why would you audibly be like, this fucking loser's eating shit? I didn't say that.
I didn't say loser. putting words in my mouth I go this fuck face I said fuck face because I showed up and I'm like he wasn't on the list you know after his set he didn't even bring me out he just walked off stage my point is that you know i mean i you know you should watch i should watch my mouth yeah yeah you really say things and i you know he regretted all the times i he but guys he's a legend guys do that all the time though when they come to the store and they don't know the rules about bringing up somebody they just walk off that happens all the time i hate it and you and then you got to go out there and be like hey and it's so uncomfortable no not anymore paul rodriguez did that paul rodriguez two weeks ago did it.
And then you got to go out there and be like, hey. And it's so uncomfortable.
Oh, no, not anymore. Paul Rodriguez did that.
Paul Rodriguez two weeks ago did that. And he comes up to me and goes, hey, bro, can I go before you? Five minutes.
I'll do five minutes. I go, okay.
Right? 22 minutes in. Yeah.
He's still on stage. Yeah, I've seen that.
And I'm looking at him like, I fucking told you. Like like a little bitch right yeah right and he just walks off stage he's supposed to bring me on right and i for a second i'm like should i just run up there i go i no i go i paul comes to the side i go get back up there i yelled at him and say and bring me up right and he didn't but my point is that normally back when I was younger I would just do it I would just go up but no more I had to fight for my right you goddamn right you do do your job do your job bud you know what I mean I don't care who you are you're a legend I get it I get it I get it but please do your job who's allowed to do that to you just walk off stage Martin Lawrence does it yeah I it.
Yeah. I let him do it.
You let him do it because he's more allowed. I let Martin Lawrence do it.
Who else? But I mean, Chappelle or Berta, they bring you up. They know the rules.
Yeah, but they know the system. They know the system.
Yeah, but Martin has done it nine times to me. But I already know he's going to do it.
So you're prepared. So whenever he's before me, he's always before me.
He always brings me up. I don't know why they do it like that.
They put, you know what I mean? Anyway. Emily told me she likes to watch you kind of scramble.
Yeah, yeah. That's why.
So whenever he's on stage, and when I know he's done, I'm always pacing like, how do I do it? How do I do it? How do I do it? And you're trying to think of something funny to do. Not only that, or hope today is the day he's gonna yeah i think today's the day oh he's putting the mic he's leaving he's gone he's gone right he's gone and then i i run up there and it's oh never i i was it's never it's never good i always go anyway i'm bobby lee because you have to say who you are.
And they go, oh, right. Oh, right.
We just saw Legend. Yeah, we know you.
A real bonafide movie star. So, yeah, right? It's really sad.
It's so sad. Yeah.
Is he back doing shows again here? Yeah. I mean, every once in a while, right? He still comes.
Yeah. I haven't seen him at the store, but it's always sometimes the nights you're not working and then they text the group chat they're like oh martin lawrence is here i wonder if he's doing that he was doing that wet pussy joke it's like a 10 minute wet pussy joke you know can i just say have you ever heard it yeah he's literally 10 minutes on wet pussy i'm not i'm not exaggerating it was good when he was in his young when he was young it was funny it's a little weird now yeah he's 60 now yeah it means i love wet pussy and you're like and you're like and you're like don't you have children and a family no it's weird to hear him say it because he goes on and it's a lot of um metaphors and analogies about wet pussy and at first you're like a champion like the song WAP you're like hell yeah and then it's as if WAP was like 40 minutes long by the end you'd be like this is a lot of wet pussy stuff I support big wet pussy supporter but also I don't need so much time about it it's a lot I like it when they spit on my dick.
Yeah, he does a lot of that stuff. Yeah.
And it's just like ah. Yeah, man.
No, I love it. I love it though.
No, I love it. I like it too when they spit on your dick.
Yeah. I do.
I like it. Don't you like it? It's like a little humor.
There's some humor. A little degrading.
Yeah, yeah. It's degrading.
Like you're their bitch. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Head on your little penis.
Spit on it, but okay, anyway. But Marty, he's a good guy.
No, he's a great legend. Great comic.
Okay, so tell me, who does the worst intros? This isn't you being mean about them. What I loved about what you did, though, is because it's a comfortable question, and when he asked you the first time, you diverted.
I got a good story. You diverted into the great fitters, but you can't fool us.
No, No, you can't fool us. We were always going to go back.
We were always going to go back. It's a hard question because all that last night was so crazy and then I didn't get home until like 2 a.m.
You're diverted. You're really diverted.
You're really ducking. You're really ducking these bullets.
Have you guys ever been in a situation where someone passed out during a show? It's so fun.

She's so good.

She's so good.

Yeah, yeah.

I've never seen any.

Like, I've heard of stuff like that happening.

But you guys have been around so long.

Yeah.

We've been around for a long time.

Guys, you're a professional, dude.

Juicy, I'm telling you right now.

Already, dude.

Already.

You're already a part of the family. You know that.
You got a lot of followers, new followers on Instagram, right? Did you? Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, how many? Thousands.
At least like 5,000. Yeah.
And it's still a guy. You deserve more and more and more.
You deserve more and more and more. And follow her.
But let's go back to the question. Go back to the question.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lawyer, please.
Oh yeah, my question. Have you guys ever seen anything like that when you were on stage? Seen what? Like while you're on stage, somebody pass out.
It becomes real and you have to handle it. I saw a guy drunkenly fall forward and smash his head on a table and split it wide open.
Jesus. I was in somewhere in the Midwest.
I can't remember. But you know what know what's so fun you know when you watch something i watched it happen like i knew it was coming almost you know when you notice that you're like watching in slow motion i watched him kind of stumble and my brain literally like preset it my brain was like that guy's gonna fall and hit his fucking head and sure enough he he like tripped over a chair and his head hit right on the corner of the table and it fucked my whole show up i was right in the middle of a good fucking bit and so i said don't help that guy let him fucking bleed out i have to finish this bit yeah no it was so fucked up i felt so bad i mean he split his head fucking wide open on a table i was a doorman at the store once and um it was new year's eve oh nye shows yeah it was great i worked one terrible right you're running around like a little monkey i'm just running around getting like hats and glitter oh i don't know what it was fucking hate running last really quick last year holtzman was on stage during new year's eve and he brought in the new year and there are people in the back that were literally saying what's going on what do you mean because they were like they're like Why is he bringing in our new year and there were people in the back that were literally saying, what's going on? What do you mean? Because they were like, they're like, why is he bringing in our new year? Why is Brian Oldsman doing what is going on? Because he was just like, you know, women suck.
Yeah, what is going on? Fucking worthless pieces of shit. He just yells and yells.
So I'm running around. Yeah, he's awesome.
I'm running around. This is 19, probably 97, right?

Door, Hollywood, running around.

When you were born.

Yeah, and some guy comes up to me and goes,

this Bulgarian man wants to talk to you because your family members passed out.

I go, my family?

What?

What are you talking about?

He's like, do you know Bulgarian guy? I go, I don't know no Bulgarian. I go, and there's a Bulgarian man.
And then I knew who he was. And he's married.
At the time, he was married to my cousin, Jenny. Right? This is a real member of your family.
My first cousin, Jenny. Bulgaria.
So my mom, the mom that you saw here, right? Yeah, yeah, mom. Her brother's daughter.
Is married to a Bulgarian guy Was No longer What happened This is how he died No they divorced Oh Anyway He comes up Bubby Bubby I go oh yeah He goes Jenny I think she died And I look in the hallway Is Jennifer Just passed out Little, little vomit out of her mouth. Oh, my God.
It was so embarrassing. She didn't die.
She didn't die. She was just drunk? She was just drunk, and I didn't even help her up.
I just said, I gotta work. Oh, my God.
And I just continued to work. Bespoke Post.
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Do you have any crazy people in your family? No, I really don't. You come from like a solid base.
Yeah, I love my family. Andrew, ask the question again.
I'm going to. Okay, good.
You love your family? Yeah, my mom's side is really big like I have cousins and aunts and uncles and my dad's side it's like literally just my dad and my stepmom oh but you know what who gives the worst intros at the comedy store probably me you're so sweet how did you get out of that one a third time?

I don't want anybody to feel that.

Okay, so here's the deal.

The reason why you don't answer that question, right,

is because you don't want anyone to be mad at you.

Yeah, that's part of it, too.

That's part of it.

I'm a peacekeeper.

You're a peacekeeper.

And also, a lot of the guys are probably headliners and stuff.

Yeah.

Right?

And you don't want to burn any bridges.

I also, like, really can't think of anybody that I'm like, wow, that sucked.

I bet you can.

That's not true.

And I go up first.

I go up first so nobody brings me up.

So maybe you guys are thinking of your interests.

I know what you're doing and I love it.

You're crafty and you're a survivor, right?

But let's be honest.

That is not true. You just said.
All right? So so here's the deal you don't have to answer that question right oh thank god you don't right ron white's called me andy san clemente like seven times i'm not even exaggerating like seven times yeah i can't think of it the only andy san clemente literally andy san clemente yeah yeah i've reintroduced myself to him no less than five six times yes not only that dude you know what he says to me who are you who are you three times yeah doesn't know who are you well you know he's sober now he talked about it i go you're bringing me up yeah it doesn't matter and you said ask me who are you last week yeah doesn't know no I think but he's sober now

so I think he probably

is more in tune

he got clean

he told Segura

I don't give a fuck

see I love burning bridges

I'm gonna say something else

that's not burning a bridge

that's just the truth

he called me Andy San Clemente

here's a guy

that for the last

30 years

I've met him

I'm not

probably over a hundred times

right

he doesn't care

to even memorize my face

my name

give me the initials

I'm sorry. I've met him probably over a hundred times.
Right? He doesn't care to even memorize my face, my name. Give me the initials.
BB. Brenton Biddlecom.
And he's been pulling that shit for way too long. Brenton Biddlecom.
How funny. You're the cute guy.
Wait, BB? BB, yeah. BB.
Yeah. And he's a legend? Not a legend, but you know who he is.
He's black. Brian Botano.
He's black. Brian Babylon.
Black guy. BB.
BB. BB.
Do you know B? BB? He's not a regular at the store. He was on MTV at one point.
As a DJ. VJ.
As a VJ? Yeah. Or something like that.
Black Bart. The pirate he's a comic he's a comic oh okay um legitimate stand-up comic bb bb bb uh uh uh can i say the first name yeah yeah bill burr bill burr no black bill burr also bill burr not married to a black woman black guy bill burr Burr.
No. Bill Bellamy.
Yes. Yes.
Fuck. Bill Bellamy.
I can't believe I didn't get that right. Yeah, Bill Bellamy.
Even today, if I was standing in front of him, excuse me, he would not know. Wouldn't know who you are? No.
Have you had a conversation with him? Yeah, many times. I've tried.
He just, it's not in his wheelhouse. I'm not in his wheelhouse.
You know what I mean? There are people like that out there.

Yeah, but there's also a part of it.

How many yous does he meet?

You have to think about that.

How many Koreans does he meet?

No, just like people. You would think that.

No, no, people in general.

How many people are meeting Bill Bellamy?

Probably tens of thousands.

Really?

In a green room at a comedy club?

You wouldn't know?

I'd probably try my best, but I'm sure there's some comics I'd forget.

Unless they crushed, and then I'd remember them.

Yeah.

Well, that makes me feel bad. Well, that wasn't a shot at shot at you no i'm just saying it does make me feel bad why because you didn't do good enough to for him to remember i just feel like if i've been in the business for as long as i have so long with the amount of things that i've done so many i don't care if regular people i mean there's so many 99.9 of the people on planet Earth doesn't know who I am, right?

But as a comic,

you would think that eventually you could memorize somebody.

You know what I mean?

Face and name.

That's all.

What do you think, Juice?

Yeah, I like when I go in a green room,

I just try to meet everybody

if I don't know them.

What do you do if somebody goes like this?

We've met before.

And I go, oh, yay. That what do you do? If somebody goes like this, we've met before.
And I go, Oh yeah. That's what you, you lie.
No, I genuinely remember all the good times we had. Let me ask you something.
See, but that's because your, your disposition looks sweet and happy and you can go, Oh, I'm sorry. But when someone has said to me, like we've met before and they do with a little bit of attitude, it's like, well, what do you want me to say? I'm sorry.
I guess I'm sorry that we have. Yeah, people are complicated, man.
Sometimes I will have met someone a bunch of times and they'll be like, oh, hi, I'm so-and-so. And then I just go through the dance again.
I go, oh, hi, I'm Jesse. Because I, you know.
Yeah, I had a guy do this to me. What? Do it what? He did this thing where he I I just introduced myself to be polite because I walked into a room there's five people in there I know who he is in fact I knew who he was before I met him do you know what I'm saying like yeah his presence is known he's kind of a popular guy yeah so I walked in I go hey what's up what's up guys I go hey what's up Andrew just to remind just in case yeah I was doing it in case he didn't remember yeah he goes I know dude we've met like five fucking times yeah with real attitude and I was like I'm sorry I thought maybe what if you didn't remember me Bill Maher what you're Bill Maher no I did it to Bill Maher Bill Maher was standing in the comedy store once I walked in we go hey, Hey, I'm Bobby.
I know!

Sorry.

I'm sorry. I didn't know that you would even...
Because Bill Bellamy doesn't

know who I am.

You just assumed all Bills don't know who you are.

I just had another Bill that didn't know me.

Yeah, that's all. You know what I mean?

That's just an issue with Bills. But my point is that

he did that. He goes, Yeah, I know.

We've met. I know.
We were in Hawaii.

Yeah. You know what I mean? And I did this film festival in Hawaii with Freddy Soto years ago and I met him briefly and he remembered that's pretty powerful that's pretty cool but my point is I didn't know that he I would thought there's no way he'll remember so I'll just open with hey I'm Bobby I'm a comic I'm a big fan that's the move I think that's always the move and then they can just go if they do I think the move is and then if you do remember think the move is in.
And if you do remember someone, you just go, yeah, no, great to see you again. And just let it go.
Yeah. Don't have to make a fucking, you do have a big thing with Bills, though.
I do have it, yeah. Bill Clinton, that whole thing with him, that beef that you had with Bill Clinton.
Oh, yeah. That's insane.
I said to him, you're granted the trumpet. He goes, sax.
Yeah, sax. He was so pissed off.
I play the sax. My bad, Prezzy.
I play the sax. But the reason why I – because the generation – rest in peace, Richard Jenney.
Do you know who that is? You don't know Richard Jenney? He used to be considered one of the best guys. He's a great joke writer.
Great joke writer. But I remember when I was a kid and Johnny Sanchez and I saw Richard Jenny and Johnny Sanchez was a huge Richard Jenny fan.
And Johnny Sanchez goes, high five Richard Jenny, right? And Richard Jenny just walked past him. And Johnny was left with his hand out like this.
And I could see Johnny's face just like almost falling right because it was like he was a huge fan of Richard Jenny oh rich and he stood there for like I don't know 20 seconds like this I think he was trying to milk the laugh because he knew I was there but he was still embarrassed right so but I just always remember this Yeah. Me and Johnny also saw a ghost.

Who's dead and who's alive.

You know what I mean?

That's what Rich gets.

Well, he killed himself.

I know.

I know.

Which is sad.

You got to high five somebody, dude.

What?

What do you say?

Somebody has to high five you and you don't high five them?

What if that was his thought?

He said, I high five Johnny Sanchez. Why didn't I fucking high five Johnny Sanchez It's awful That's awful Terrible That's awful That's terrible So you're not gonna name any names No she won't I almost didn't recognize somebody Who At the store Who I was working the lot And someone pulled in And they weren't on the lineups It was Faison Love Oh Faison Yeah And I've seen him in but I didn't recognize him.
And I was asking him if he's on a show. And he was fucking with me.
And he's like, no. And then I said, well, this is for paid regulars.
He goes, how do you know I'm not a paid regular? Oh, no. And then I thought he was just a customer trying to park there.
And he was like, Ian Edwards was standing there. He goes, I'm Ian Edwards.
And then they all start cracking up. And then because he's got his friend in the car too.
And I'm like, I know Ian Edwards. And then he just opens the door and gets out.
Like a big fuck you to you. Yeah, I was like in my feelings about it.
And then I realized who it was. And I felt like an asshole.
And I messaged him the next day, like apologizing. You messaged him what? Via Instagram.
And I was like, I just felt really bad.

And then he said, you don't have to apologize.

What's your cash app?

And he sent me $150 for parking in the lot because he was like, I didn't see you when

I left and I have to tip.

Faison Love is the motherfucking man.

Yeah, he's awesome.

The fucking man.

And the next time he pulled up in the lot, we had like a laugh about it.

But yeah, when you're on the other side of it and you don't recognize somebody so it's so funny because i don't know how to handle those situations like that's funny i just shut down like i did i went to the comedy cellar and i fucking walked down the stairs and the guy goes he he he like slabbed his hand on my chest and he goes back the fuck up because he was talking to two other customers and i was like oh i'm just gonna go downstairs he goes you ain't going fucking nowhere and he's not really looking at me he's like looking down at my body do you know what i mean like he's looking at me kind of but peripherally and he goes you ain't going fucking nowhere and i was like oh all right and like a bitch i got on my phone and i stood there and then he looked up at me he goes yo oh shit and then he felt bad yeah's like yo that was you i'm so sorry i didn't even yeah and i was like that's okay i had to call someone i shut down so fast yeah yeah i didn't i i don't know how to i was like because i don't ever want to be like i'm on the i'm one of the things yeah yeah i don't want to do that that's when i go to new york it's embarrassing i don't do it any comic club no i know you're i know because i don't want that to happen it's good i feel't want to do it because I don't want that to happen I feel like no one knows who I am so I don't want to just show up at the cellar and have this happen no they all know who you are yeah but I don't know that you can't assume that they do I know I'm saying but you yes they know who you are it's kind of nice too though you guys probably missed this or you don't even remember but it's kind of nice nobody knowing who you are when you go to a show yeah because you go in and they're like uh do you have a ticket and then i'm like oh i'm on the show and they're like oh what's your name and then they'll check me off and then i'll go and you know do good go crush and then they're then gain their respect i like that i like being like an underdog and kind of being invisible and then just shining when it never goes away trust me okay good i'll give you a better example now that i play like small theaters not all the time but like clubs will all know who you are because they're like they do meetings and the staff they're like here's who's coming this weekend blah blah blah so they all kind of know who's coming Even if they don't know you as a comic or like, he's the fucking redheaded guy. You'll see him when he comes in.
Small theaters, they don't give a shit. Fuck about that.
You don't mean fuck all. We've multiple times, me and O'Connor have walked to the back of the theater.
And a guy who's working like one of the crew will be smoking. And we'd have a nose in Pittsburgh.
And I was like, is, uh, can we, is this the artist entrance? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, Oh, uh, we're the, we're the guys.
And he's like, who you, who's your contact? And I'm debating on if I could get in with one of the stage hands. Right.
And a piece of me was like, let's just go back to the hotel. Yeah.
I, I, I, like I didn't want he, cause he, his attitude, they don't give a fuck about you you don't mean shit they don't know who the fuck you are i played the chicago theater it was 3 700 seats half of the back staff doesn't know who you are theater people are like that they don't give a fuck about you you don't mean shit so that doesn't go away people not knowing you that doesn't fucking a whole room is there for you and there's a bunch of people that are like who the fuck is this fucking piece of of shit? Yeah. And then you'd be like, can we get some waters downstairs? And they're like, the waters are out back.
You're like, we'll go get them. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's, it never changes. Yeah.
Which is, that's, it's nice. It's humbling.
Cause it's like, you're not getting hand and footed. Even at those big venues, they don't, you mean dog shit to them.
You're just another idiot. That's going to come in, do the show.
And then they're like, you guys got to get to get the fuck out well part of me was kind of hoping that part would change it does not okay but it's also i'm going to just amongst your peers the reality you know because i'll run into like a kid from high school that went to high school with them be like oh your life must be completely changed or this and that and it's like honestly dude i feel the same as you do because at the end of the day five times during the day well someone will it's never like even a big deal they're like no sotos papaya we'll yell out of the car you're like oh cool right but normally you're still waiting in line no one knows who the fuck you are you know i mean yeah you're just living a life like everyone else's every once well if you're at a club or'll get a perk. And if you're at the Ace Theater Saturday when we did the Tiger Belly show, obviously there you feel special because everyone knows who you are because they're all congregated into one area, right, at your show.
So that's why comics do shows because all your fans are in one area. You get to feel good.
But when you're out in the real world, you're just, you know what I mean, at the DMV just waiting in line. Yeah, you're just another asshole.
I mean, you're just like everyone else. Do you get recognized, Rudy? Not a lot, just sometimes.
And I don't like it because I don't know what to do. Wait, why don't you like it? I don't know what to do.
They say, I love you, I like you, and then I don't know what to say next. Do you ever say I love you, I like you back? No.

Let's replay it.

Love is a big... Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Are you Rudy Jules?

Oh my God, that's fucking Rudy.

We love you, we like you.

We love you so much.

We like you.

And we love you.

We love you.

Hi.

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

That's what I do.

All right, we love you.

We love you.

Will you take a photo with us?

Sure. Oh, fuck.
You must be rich on that show. Will you cash app us? I don't have money.
I have to go, but it was nice meeting you. Wait, wait.
Don't go anywhere. Don't, don't.
My buddy wants to sing you a song. We're also on the same flight, so they haven't called our flight number.
Yeah, we're all flying together. We're flying together.
I have to go to the bathroom. I don't even need to poo.
Let us come with you. Yeah, girls go together.
I'll go with you. Yeah, she'll come with you.
Yeah go together Yeah she'll come with you Yeah yeah She can come with me Okay we'll just wait outside Okay Okay Okay bye Bye Bye guys I'll get the picture Okay good girl That's how you are What are you feeling inside I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die Really Interesting So you want no one to recognize you ever again No Yeah. Yeah, well, you came on the show.
You wanted to be on the show. So that's your fault.
Oh, yeah. At the Tiger Belly show, there were like two girls, and one of them was like, hey, can I get a photo? And I was like, sure.
And then her friend took the photo, and then she was like, do you want the photo? And the friend was like, eh. Not George and his stories, huh? He wanted to add in.
Let's just analyze what he just said here. You know what pissed off George the most about that? That pissed me off.
Yeah, go ahead. That pissed me off.
Yeah, it did. I know it did.
It's like, you know, we're holding court, telling stories, right? And you know the whole time he was thinking. I think I got a story.
Hey, I just wanted an excuse to get this camera on so that I get a little more screen time, a little more famous. With Andres not here, I think I have a chance to shine.
By the way, that irked him so much. After the Tiger Belly show, Fancy walked outside.
There was a cheering of, Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Fancy! Dude, it was huge. It must be easier to cheer than Pink Dick.
Like, it's just, it's much easier to cheer. Nobody cheered for George.
George literally came out. No one said anything.
Fancy! Fancy! They lost their minds. Do you know why, George? You do bullshit like this.
I'm going to tell you something. This is what he does.
It's so gross. We're at the Ace Theater.
You know the doors open at 7, right? Yeah. And so, you you know the lobby's flooded with Tiger Belly fans or whatever merch line or whatever right this fuck face goes out there and just kind of walks around oh you sick fuck you're gross and he's like I just wanted to see what the merch was I just wanted to see what the merch was you know for fucking compliments you little bitch dude you fishing.
And it took a long time to get them, you know? I was walking, I was like, they wouldn't even let me to the front of the merch line. They were like, no, no, no, not you.
Get to the back, get to the back. What compliments did you get? Hey, great job being in the background.
That's nice. Way to not talk most of the time.
He gets the thrill, because when they look at him that's the guy and that's what he gets off on right finally you have respect fucking twisted fuck look at him gross Rudy I hope you get recognized more and more and by the way to the, George. When you see Rudy in the major metropolitan area of Los Angeles, please go up to her.
Please take a photo. She loves hugs.
She loves that stuff. You love, and she wants to engage.
She doesn't want to just say hi. She wants to talk to you.
She wants to know what's going on. Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do.
Just wave, then go away. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Too informal. You want something more proper.
I think you should really let people open up to you. If you're going through a divorce or if your kid just went off to college, why don't you fucking tell her about it? Right.
I think you should open up. Let people open up to you, Rudy.
Okay. Okay, thank you.
Well, when you went back to the Philippines, did you hang out with your old friends? Yeah, I did. Did anybody in the Philippines know about the show? Yeah, some of them are really fans of the podcast and they listen.
In the Philippines. Wait, your friends do? Yeah.
And they listen. Yeah, and they keep asking, like, when's the next podcast? I want to listen.
I'm excited. And do you feel good? Be honest.
A little bit. Yeah.
Especially, like, when the other girl. so there's this other girl can i explain all right there's another girl so she lives from the philippines right there's a girl that wants to be a social influencer or what's that called influencer influencer right and she's trying to get you know i mean she wants to be famous famous and this but it's i love it when somebody want to.
Rudy. Rudy, right? And she just falls into it and wins the lottery.
Yeah. Right? And even if we told her, you're no longer on the podcast, she wouldn't care.
Yeah, it doesn't matter to her. She wouldn't move on with her life.
Yeah. Doesn't want to be here now.
Yeah. That's true.
Doesn't want to be here now. She doesn't want to be here now.
Yeah, yeah. But my point is that so that must feel good a little bit.
Yeah. So the other girl though, is she your competitor? Like do you guys have beef? No, we're friends.
Did you hang out with her? Yeah, one time because she has to do like other influencer stuff. What are the influencer stuff? What does that even mean? Like they have a meeting and then they like like stuff and then they go and take photo shoots.

And did they invite you to any of it?

No.

What?

You're bigger than me. Who has more followers on Instagram?

Me.

Oh, wow.

And they didn't collaborate with you at all?

No.

They had this opportunity?

They don't know me.

How many followers does she have?

You were hanging out with them.

You were at the meeting.

Right.

How many followers does she have?

I think she has like 20. Yeah.
You were at the meeting. Right.
How many followers does she have? I think she has like 20.

Yeah.

You have over 100,000 followers.

Yeah.

That's got to feel good.

Yeah.

How many followers do you have on Instagram?

18 now.

18,000?

Before the podcast.

I bet there's more now.

We're getting that.

It's crazy.

Way to get you to 50, man.

Wow.

At least, right?

Rudy, I kind of want to look up the other girl even though. Just because I want to see how many she has.
Yeah to 50, man. At least, right? Rudy, I kinda wanna look up the other girl even though just cause I wanna see how many she has.
I got recognized at the store last night during work from Bad Friends. From Monday's episode.
What did they say? I was doing the whole there's a two drink minimum, I'm showing them to their seats and they go, wait, excuse me you just on Bad Friends? And I go, yeah, and they were like were like you were awesome we loved you on there and it was really flattering and nice and then i had to go oh thank you anyway there's no cell phone use photos or videos that phase on love story made me cry i saw you get emotional yeah i shut it down because i because he's from san diego and i've known him for a very very long time and i just know his heart. He gave you $150? Yeah.
He's a good dude. That's a big, fat shit.
We should have him on this. Love to have him on.
We should have Faison Love on that. Love to have him on.
Yeah, he's the best. That was a very sweet story.
Yeah. He's the man.
Yeah, I was really embarrassed. It's embarrassing.
And you shouldn't be, by the way. I know, but you learn so much at the you learn so much at the store.
Like, it's a school, and I felt like I should have just kept things lighthearted. But so many people park in that lot, it gets you on edge.
So is everybody parked in a lot where they are paid regular, but they don't get spots, and they give you attitude? No, not really attitude. Most people who are parking there, like, if someone comes for falloutsouts they'll be like hey is it okay if i left like they make real good sure that they're also she's not gonna tell you i know we keep fishing i know people come in that uh are customers or they're like on a development show one guy i'll tell you a story okay this is what we, yeah.
So there was a show in the belly room, and it was an independent show. So it's not paid regulars.
Yeah. And they're allowed one car per show.
Well, someone rolled in on a motorcycle, and they had the one car. And so at first I told him, you can't park here.
But since it was the bike, and he was saying, you know, it's small. Can't I just put it up here? I said, okay, yeah, you can put it.
That seems reasonable. Just a motorcycle.
Yeah was the bike and he was saying you know it's small i can't i just put it up here i said okay yeah you can that seems reasonable just a motorcycle yeah yeah and he was you know at first he was kind of upset he was like you know i've parked here before blah blah blah don't give attitude yeah not a lot of attitude and he ended up saying yeah it's fine just park up there yeah so he parked the bike and then came up and then went to his friend and you know you guys he's talking to his friend where you guys are. And I'm standing right here in the lot.
And he starts speaking in Spanish. And he then points to me and says, puta.
And I was like, I don't speak Spanish, but I know what that means. We know, bitch, pal.
I need to know. Who the fuck is this? Who the fuck is this motherfucker? But then I.
What? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey what so like hey hey hey hey hey who the fuck we'll make a deal maybe he didn't we will bleep the name out we will bleep the name I don't even know his name yes you do I don't know the guy juicy juicy I could find out yeah but I was like why was this a guy I want to even know you know so that's a great mindset why the fuck she fuck would it be? She's lying. She's playing political fucking.
No, she's not. No, I really don't.
No, no. She doesn't know who he is.
He's probably not. You don't know his name? I really don't know his name.
But I told him. He was on a booked show that she has no.
So let's investigate. He has a bike.
I'm going to figure it out. Off the air, we're going to figure it out.
No, I'm going to figure it out now. So yeah, yeah.
I'm going to figure it out. He's on a fucking bike.
Didn't tip me either. Right.
didn't tip right he was on it'd be hilarious friends and family or some sort of night show belly rooms a belly room what show was it it was uh well see that's why because it was like it was the spanish show which was cool so i don't want to dog on the show yeah so wait what night is that you call it was a one-off this is what you do you call francisco ramos yeah and that was yeah i love francisco so i know who rides a motorcycle listen listen i don't know who rides a motorcycle yeah yeah yeah come on okay you know all right but everybody said that guy is cool he shouldn't have talked to you like that that's right so maybe he was just having a bad day but and there is a small chance he wasn't calling that to me but the timing of it was

like he seems a little i just want to have a message i want to have a message right now

and this person's watching right now right i'm telling you right now they're not

they're not i don't want to make enemies with this guy on the motorcycle yeah you never know

what you do yeah we're not gonna say his name ever right i'm not even gonna push it i won't

know his name but listen here chunchy listen to Chunchy Joe. If you ever do that again, we have a very big problem.
Very big problem. And if you have a war with her, you have a war with us.
You got a war with us. And you may think, who gives a fuck this and that? You know it's funny.
I'll tell you what's funny. Can I tell you what's funny? What's funny is when we did the live here our buddy Bart's doing it I talked to Bart we met in 1998 he said 23 years ago yeah yeah whatever a lot of my relationships go way back they're deep historical relationships and I've done a lot of favors and i have a lot of really positive relationships with people and it's just a phone call motorcycle man motorcycle man it literally is just a phone call you know i wasn't worried about it i'm not done um i can see this is why i don't tell you things yeah i'm just saying you know i can go hey dave becky or whatever you know i'm not throwing names out there but you did anybody I just did But anybody I just did You know what I mean One of the biggest managers In the world You can call anybody Motorcycle man Is a piece of shit Anybody's picking up your phone Right right Hey Any comedy club And let's do A Stroop From Columbus Yup I could go to Specific markets Right We could hurt you Regionally Regionally You want me to go regional I could go Ohio specific markets.
Oh. Right? We could hurt you regionally.
Regionally.

You want me to go regional?

I can go Ohio, right?

Ohio alone.

Yo, Stroop.

This guy, piece of shit.

Nope.

Over.

Over.

Hey, um.

Go ahead.

Batchkopf.

Batchkopf.

You know Batchkopf, right?

He owns all of the improvs in Florida.

This guy?

Yeah.

Gone.

Gone.

What if you found out he was like one of these really good friends you've known for like 25 years? It could be, yeah. It can't be.
No, there's no way. Because any of my, a true friend would not call anyone a puta.
Yeah. Right? Just for most of them.
But how funny would it also be because I thought about this too if he was like, he had a really bad day and he was talking about someone at the grocery store and I would just stand here right there. Yeah.
That could be. That could be.
Let's put an asterisk at the bottom of the head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's put an asterisk. That's why we're not saying his name and that's why I'm just saying.
If you did say it about her. Yeah, yeah, that there are relationships, you know what I mean, that you're going to, you know.
If you were saying it about someone at the grocery store, carry on. Carry on.
That's fine. Yeah.
You're allowed to get mad at someone. We're giving you a pass on this.
You're getting a pass. You know people, right, too a pass you know people right too right yeah you know some people dude you know i know who you know and that was the same night fazan came in and there were like other customers trying to park on the ramp so that whole night was just like it was a night nobody's fucking with me tonight and then fazan came in oh see what you started motorcycle man oh god you're gonna get me fucking riled up here baby Motorcycle Man is just found himself in a bad place right now and you know what for the future if anybody does go into the comedy store a lot and you decide that you're gonna be a meanie weenie and you enter the fucking gates of hell with Juicy you gotta answer to the Bad Friends fan I'm called I'm going to call Rudy.
She's going to slash their tires. Yeah, she will.
This crazy bitch, we should put her in the parking lot with a knife and just stab people's tires. Yeah.
She'll do it. You will, won't you? I'll do it.
Yeah, she doesn't give a fuck. I also want to encourage you, right? So you did the Korean soap opera sketch we did at the, you liked that, right? It was so good.
Is it available for people to see? No, we're going to because we're gonna use it for the other lives. So good.
So good. But your acting in it was really good.
Can we support you in that? Why don't you, why don't you want to do stuff like that? Because, I don't know, it's embarrassing. Why is it embarrassing? I don't know, because people are gonna watch it.
Were you embarrassed that night when they played it in front of 1,600 people? Yeah. No.
I saw your smile. I saw your smile.
She was texting in the referee jersey backstage smiling. Yeah.
You were smiling and you were having a great time. Yeah, you were.
And you were wallowing in it. I guess.
Yeah, you were. I think wallowing is negative.
You were swimming in it. You were swimming in it.
You were swallowing in it. You were wallowing.
You were swallowing. You were swallowing.
You swallowed all of it. All that happened is you swallowed.
You put it right in your belly. Yeah, you loved it, right? Yeah.
And honestly, it made you look good in front of your boyfriend. No, I made him not watch it.
What? Why? Yeah, but he saw you on stage, did he not? Yeah. And he saw the cheers? Yeah.
That's so cool. It gives you the advantage it gives you the power dynamic yeah you got to make sure you get a prenup because you're powerful yeah yeah you're the you're the rich can't boss you around no and i hugged him that night by whisper stuff in his ears you know that right yeah yeah i said watch it i think we should continue to act in fact what we, because Juice wants to act too, we should do a fucking, we should do a Bad Friends acting show.
Debut show. Yeah, we should debut an acting show.
We should do a real drama. A drama.
I love that. You're good at drama? Yeah.
Yeah. Well, but it will be funny though, right? Like will be dramatic.

Yes.

No.

I mean, I kind of want to do a drama.

All right. How about this?

If you're good at drama, I want you to break up with Bobby right now.

Like it's a real drama scene.

Like you found out what was really going on and you're breaking up with Bobby.

You found out that he doesn't love you and he told everybody in your friendship circle.

So we were dating?

How long were we dating?

You guys were dating for 40 years.

40 years? 30 years? Yes. No, you dated for four years.
Four years. My bad.
And you found out from your group of friends that he's been saying how bad he wants out and he just can't do it anymore. He also might be in love with someone else.
Can I be a different guy though? No, it's you. All right, but can I have a different voice? You can do anything you want.
Hey, baby. That's great.
Okay. Hey, Juicy, what's up? Bobby, we need to talk.
Yeah, what are we doing now, baby? What's up? We're talking now, right, baby? I mean... Who are you looking at? I'm not here.
Oh, yeah, you're the director. I know, but you don't look at the director in the middle of a shoot.
When I act. Cameras are up.
I always look at the director. No, don't.
See if I'm doing it right. Don't look at the fucking director.
See if I'm doing it right. See action again, director.
Hold on. I got a pace.
Hold on. This guy.
Now he's got a plan. See? But Juice is already prepared.
You see how deep she's already in here? Yeah, I'm in it. Hey, hey.
Any notes for me, director? Yeah, stop fucking looking at me. Oh, my bad.
My bad. Just do the scene.
Where's my mark? Right here? Yeah, you're on you're sitting down sorry my man all right ready all right and action bobby we need we need to talk okay baby what's up juicy i'm what we doing now cut cut stop fucking looking at the director i get it i can't look at your scene it's my first job okay it's all right it's fine so what you're saying not to look at you saying? Not to look at you? Never. Yeah.
Never. After I say action, only look at her.

Honestly, I won't.

How do you expect me to work with this?

I understand it.

I'm so sorry, Miss Juicy.

I'm so sorry, Miss Juicy.

All right.

Don't look at me.

I won't even look at you at all.

Where's the camera at?

Right there?

No, I'm not going to tell you where the fucking camera is because then you're going to look

at the camera.

Oh, oh, oh.

That's the camera right there.

I'll just look in the camera.

No, no, no.

At her.

Only at her.

Only look at her.

And action.

Bobby, we need to talk. Hey, Juicy.
What's up? That's what I thought we were doing right now. Yeah, but it's serious.
I went through your cell phone. Yeah, hey, bitch, I told you not to.
Is that the right line? Line. It is bitch, yeah.
It's hey, bitch, I told you not to go through my shit. Okay.
Hey, bitch, I told you not to go through my shit. Yeah bitch I told you not to go through my shit Yeah well it's too late for that I saw all those pictures I saw those fingers in your asshole Do you want to tell me whose fingers those were? They're my fingers baby what's up No, both your hands were also in the picture.

You were doing this.

Oh, that's right.

Shit, you caught me.

My bad.

I was doing like this because I was doing a home alone.

I was doing a home alone fucking thing, right?

Yeah.

Like, oops.

Which I thought was our thing.

That was our thing.

My bad.

You know who that was?

No, that's what I... I'm telling you, it was my mom.

All right, we got we got no because I have bumpies down there you're my mom you know my mom's a doctor right you never told me she's not what the line what are you trying What's the line? What's the line?

What are you trying to break up or something?

No,

what was my,

what did my mom do? What did my mom do in the fucking script?

What did my mom do?

Huh?

Oh,

oh,

your mom,

oh,

because your mom says you got to break up with this white bitch.

Oh yeah.

So my mom,

my mom said I got to break up with this white bitch.

You know what?

Yeah.

It's the first thing your mom's ever said that I agree with.

Oh,

oh,

oh,

oh,

oh,

oh, really good. What about mine, huh? Not really good.
Not good? Not good. good not good yeah i think i made the wrong choice yeah a lot of bad choices he made me look good yeah you look you shine it's all bobby that's all so heavily yeah you know wait i have a question when you when you when you were my age and you were pooing, does your asshole bleed a lot? Let it sink in.
Just let that sink in. Alright, now I want to answer this without being funny.
Yeah. Just let it...
Yeah, just let... Let the moment...
My asshole has been bleeding a lot. We get what you said.
And I haven't done anal. You know what I mean? And you haven't done anal.
No. Right.
Yeah. Doctor? Yeah, doctor.
Okay. Yeah.
Let me ask. Are you pushing? No.
I even wait until it drops. You wait until it comes out at its own? Yeah.
You eating those baby birds? Yeah, the balloon? The balloon? No. Okay, so you probably have hemorrhoids.
No, but it's just bleeding. Your ass is just bleeding.
Yeah. Like right now, is it maybe blood? Maybe.
Wow. Are you being real? No, honestly.
Yeah, I'm definitely... So basically, is it like...
Rudy's dying. Is it like The Shining where you poo and then it's like the elevator? Blood poop.
Let's see. What does it mean when you just...
It's usually hemorrhoids. I don't want to get hemorrhoids.
But you haven't gone to a doctor? No. Yeah.
Well, my next question is how come? Yeah, exactly. We're doctors.

Why don't you go?

I'm just tired.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

Rectal bleeding is a symptom of conditions like hemorrhoids, I said it,

fissures, inflammatory bowel disease.

You could have IBD.

Ulcers and, well, the last one's cancer.

You may notice rectal bleeding on toilet paper, in the water,

the toilet, or in your stool.

Is it everywhere?

All three of those?

The trifecta? No, just the paper. Just on the toilet paper? No.
Yeah. Maybe we do a bad friend's trip to the doctor.
I think I'd like that. That'd be cool.
I think we should do that. Make it a real event? Are you wiping too hard? No.
Okay. I'm not a doctor.
That was probably a dumb question. No, that's not a dumb question.
You can wipe too hard and cause it to tear. You can? Yeah, you can dry it out and tear it up.

Okay.

We gotta get this

taken care of, man.

Yeah, we gotta fix this.

I thought you were kidding around.

You're not kidding around?

No, I keep telling you.

Oh, fuck.

Man.

It's my fault.

Yeah, you're a bad dad.

I'm a bad dad.

No, we gotta get this

fucking taken care of.

I thought you were saying

as a joke, like,

I have a bloody butthole.

We thought you had maybe,

you know, a little bit of diarrhea once in a while, which is normal. Yeah.
You're having it all the time. Yeah.
Yeah, you have IBD. Diarrhea or constipation.
Yeah, one or the other, right? They kind of go hand in hand. Yeah.
They're cousins. All right, well, we got to take you to a doctor.
Yeah, yeah. I guess we have to fucking go to a doctor.
But we also can use it in the show, So we'll do it You're right Juicy Yeah we're gonna go

We'll take a bad friend's trip

To the doctor

Yeah

You'll feel better

If they go with you

Yeah but

The camera shouldn't be

On my ass

No shit

It would help the story

Yeah it'd be good for the show

Yeah

We can animate it

But Juicy will be in there with you

So it'll be a woman in there with you

That'll make you feel safe

I'll be holding the camera

She'll be holding the camera

Thank you for being a bad

Let's let Juice do it

Yeah yeah

Go ahead Juice Thank you. in there with you so it'll be a woman in there with you that'll make you feel safe i'll be holding the camera she'll be holding the camera thank you for being a bad let's let juice do it yeah yeah go ahead juice can we do it together yeah do it together okay okay this one yeah thank you for being a bad friend timing was bad let's do it again one two three thank you for being a bad friend.
Love it. Do Woody Allen.
I don't know how. Do Woody Allen.
No, I wasn't. That's why I stopped, because I couldn't do one.
First of all. There it is.
Yeah. I don't know.
I just, my bad. Woody.
Woody. It's me, Sunye.
Sunye, can you? Come to bed

That's a really good Woody Allen Woo-hoo. Yeah.

Woo-hoo.