Rudy v Jessie

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Hey, Bobby's here.

Speaker 2 What's up, Bob?

Speaker 2 We're not starting yet. Alright.

Speaker 2 I'm not. My energy is...
Oh, hey, no, you're right.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 Anyway, um, no, because, you know, on the internet, my ass is glistening from the live show, and they put, because I put oil butter on my butt, and people are going, I'm jerking off to it, or, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Two positive comments so far.
I'm jerking off to it, and it's the greatest thing I've ever seen. The thing is, is that I feel like I'm being used.

Speaker 2 You are being used. You are being used.
Welcome to the internet. Welcome to comedy.
Welcome to being a personality. You are for other people's enjoyment and entertainment.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but not in a sexual way. I never seen a person.
No, no, no. Sex is part of of it, buddy.

Speaker 2 You are a sexual person. You have to respect me for my mind.
You don't have a good mind. That's why it's broke.
You're all body, baby. My all body.
You're all body. Oh.

Speaker 2 Look, we hung up your thong behind you. We had Bobby's mom on there, which was like probably one of the

Speaker 2 greatest guests we've ever had. Other than our newfound family friend, Jetsuki Johnson.
Give it up for us. No, Juicy.
Juicy.

Speaker 2 Jetsky's gone. You don't know Jetsky Jetsky.
Well, that is her name. Juicy, Juicy.
That's her new name. You don't like, like, juicy?

Speaker 1 It's juicy now, officially.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do you not like it, or does it make you feel offensive?

Speaker 1 I like all the nicknames. I'm a big fan of nicknames, so it's going to be Jesse, Jetsky, Juicy, Johnson.

Speaker 2 So sick. Yeah, that's so sick.
For now.

Speaker 2 Has anybody tried to create a nickname for you that you didn't like?

Speaker 1 Like the C-word.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like,

Speaker 2 don't call me that. Did you say that?

Speaker 1 No, sometimes people say, like, what do you prefer, Jetsuki or Jesse? And, like, they're asking me my pronouns, and I'm like, you can call me whatever.

Speaker 1 And then they're like, okay, okay, well, why don't I call you a bitch?

Speaker 2 You don't call you a bitch. You don't call Jetsuki a bitch, baby.
You're a part of Badfriend's mafia. You know who named you, Juicy?

Speaker 1 One of you guys. I did.

Speaker 2 You did. Juicy, baby.
Yeah, yeah. I like, I think Juicy is the move.
And we should introduce Juicy, our new family member, to someone that's on her way out if she keeps up her attitude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Rudy Jules. Rudy Jules.
Hello, Rudy.

Speaker 1 I like Juicy. Juicy's very sweet.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 not

Speaker 2 your angle. I like your angle, dude.
That's a good angle. That's a really good angle.

Speaker 2 It's a smart angle. It's a Filipino angle, and that's how you guys survive.
You know what I call that angle? The Duterte.

Speaker 2 Deterrete? Yeah, Deterte angle. What is that? He's the president.
He's a terrible person. Oh, Daderte.
Yeah, De Derte. Yeah, yeah.
That's a Duterte angle.

Speaker 2 And what you're trying to do, I like it, but I see right through it, okay? You like her? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And she wore her bad friend's shirt today. She's looking to not get fired daytime.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wore the shirt.
She's being sweet.

Speaker 2 She showed up early yeah she drove herself i know like usually i have to drag her into the car i'll be there prompt at noon prompt prompt is oh you yeah she doesn't want to get fired yeah it's prompt prompt i'll be there prompt prompt right she's not your competition no not at all i'm not i'm just saying

Speaker 2 defensive defensive defensive

Speaker 1 what why what do you like about her you don't know anything about her you know nothing about her when i came in she just her vibe is just very sweet and nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That is true.
Why don't you guys have a conversation then?

Speaker 2 Right now. I'm not good with conversation.
No, you have to. This job is on the line, my friend.
All right. All right.
So, just you guys were talking earlier about anime and stuff. What the fuck?

Speaker 2 We already did.

Speaker 1 It's done. We did.
I'm impressed with Brudy because you are how old? 20. Yeah, you're young.
And when I was 20, I was working at a smoke shop. I dropped out of college.

Speaker 2 How old are you now?

Speaker 1 I'm 32.

Speaker 1 I'm ancient.

Speaker 2 You guys look similar in age, though. You look so

Speaker 1 young.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Juicy looks so young.
Yeah. 32.
I'm only six years older than her, and I look like I'm fucking her dad. I could be your dad.
I could look. Yeah, on TV.
No, no.

Speaker 2 If we walked into a restaurant and I was like, my daughter wants something. Oh, they would buy it.
100%, Lego. That's his kid.
I could be your grandfather.

Speaker 2 Great. Great, great grandfather.
Great, great Opa. Opa.
Opa, Opa. On TV.
On TV. On TV, yeah.
That'd be weird. And then who would she be? If that's our kid, then that's our what? What? Skin tag.
Made?

Speaker 2 Made. Whoa, what? Skin tag.
Skin tag. That's our skin tag? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right. Like, she looks like she would grow on your neck.
Yeah, I'm like a backup.

Speaker 2 And they're like, hey, get that removed. I go, no, that's Rudy.
You go to the dermatologist. I go, no, that's Rudy.
You look like something I develop when I get skin cancer. Like,

Speaker 2 she grows on me.

Speaker 2 Because whenever white people like me get dark spots,

Speaker 2 look at her face. When I get dark spots like your color, then I have to go to the derm to make sure it's not cancerous.
You're my cancer. Yeah.
It's It's like

Speaker 1 benign.

Speaker 2 You hope it's benign. That's not benign.
You better hope it's benign. Malignant's the bad one.
Benign is the good one.

Speaker 2 You really watch anime, Juice?

Speaker 1 I've seen a few animes, and I really like them, and so I was getting some recommendations. She's obsessed.

Speaker 2 What's the new one you're on? We talked about it already.

Speaker 2 Cock.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You're making that up.

Speaker 1 No, I said

Speaker 1 Kaguya-sama.

Speaker 2 Oh, Kaguya-sama. What does that look like, George? Kaguya-sama? George is the only producer in the house today, by the way, and we're putting him to work.
Everyone's gone. Kaguyo-sama.
Love is war.

Speaker 2 That's sick. That's a great title.
Love is war. Love is war.
Look at that. Oh, my God.
What is that there? That's a Kaguya-sama. Oh.

Speaker 2 Now, who is that, Rudy?

Speaker 1 I'm still watching the first episode.

Speaker 2 So you're not watching it. So you're not into it.

Speaker 1 I'm still watching. I'm trying to watch it.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait. So we ask you, what are you into right now? Crocker shit.
Right? You're a crocker shit, man. And you go, Kaguya-sama, which is fine, right?

Speaker 2 But you're like, I'm I'm still watching the first episode, which you have a season. I'm already into it.

Speaker 1 You're going to finish it too. Yeah.
Like every episode. You watch it like you read a book.

Speaker 2 Yeah. George, what are you doing? You're in it then.
You've been doing this for 30 years. Are you doing? No, legitimately.
He's been

Speaker 2 30 years.

Speaker 2 We're talking. I don't know what you're doing.
God, he's cracking. I'm getting it loaded up so that it's ready once you're talking.

Speaker 2 Kagaya Yasama, Love is War, a 10 out of 10 anime.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 We weren't even going to do that. It's not even a thing.
Let him do it now.

Speaker 2 Now we have to see it. Here we go.

Speaker 2 Oh, gets up. Somebody else's review.
Oh, this is stupid.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh, just turn it off. Just turn it off.
George Kimmel. George Kimmel.

Speaker 2 Juicy, what's your first impression of George? Basically,

Speaker 2 have you met him before?

Speaker 1 Just now we met.

Speaker 2 Hey, remember, I book everybody who comes on here.

Speaker 2 She doesn't.

Speaker 2 Just so you know. Honestly.
And just so you you know, he has fucking zero power

Speaker 2 at all. So just be honest.
If you want to be booked on anything ever, you ask Bobby or me.

Speaker 2 No power. No power.
Just judge freely. Yeah, yeah.
Go ahead. But you know,

Speaker 2 it goes through me. It goes through me.
Be quiet. What's your impression? And be honest.
Please be honest.

Speaker 2 And I'll know you're lying. And just look at us.
Don't even look at him. No need to be too honest.

Speaker 2 Oh, George, I swear to God.

Speaker 1 I think under these working conditions, he's really holding it together. He's got a pretty hostile boss here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he does. He does.
But you know what? Who's hostile? You're you.

Speaker 2 Wait, sorry. But they've been working together for 20, how many years? Long time.
Over 10. Over 10.
Listen. You just said that I was a hostile boss.

Speaker 1 Well, you're yelling at him a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he does yell at him a lot. I would be crying if I was George back then.
But here's the difference, Juice. Here's the difference, Juice.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't get yelled at because you don't do that kind of shit. He yells because George does that stuff.
You wouldn't say something. You're too good.

Speaker 2 I'm the boss at Home Depot. Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I had an employee, right, taking the chainsaw, and he's like trying to attack dogs, right?

Speaker 2 As a boss, I would have to go, hey, cut it out. Cut it out.
Number one, don't use that. It's a brand new chainsaw.
Number two, don't try to kill the patrons' dogs, right? So if I get it.

Speaker 2 That's the wood slicer, not the dog slicer. Exactly, right? Exactly.
Thank you so much. And you would be the good employee.
The employee of the month. You would come in and go, what would you say?

Speaker 2 So I'd say, hey, and then you come from from behind and go, what?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's the wood slicer. The dog slicer is all of five.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And you would get a raise.
But my point is, is that if I didn't yell at that guy for doing that, then Home Depot would be

Speaker 2 a difficult working place.

Speaker 2 It'd be Lowe's.

Speaker 2 It would be Lowe's. It'd be Lowe's.
It would be Lowe's. And we just can't have that around here.
This has to be Home Depot. Yeah.
This is Home Depot. This is Home Depot.

Speaker 2 Did you stop?

Speaker 2 YouTube is going to have a cut ad right now that

Speaker 2 they're going to run a Home Depot ad because we've said it five fucking times. All right, right, right.
This is what happens. YouTube is listening so diligently.

Speaker 2 And by the way, I'd like to say something to YouTube. You guys are fucking bullshit.
They're fucking bullshit.

Speaker 2 You guys are great. My favorite company.
Fuck them. No, it's Google now.
And you know what they're doing to us? YouTube's great. They keep taking away us.
They pull us

Speaker 2 out of the algorithm because we say crazy shit. Well, don't say YouTube sucks then.
Maybe that's... Let's just start there.
Let's start there. Fuck YouTube.
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 I don't think they like it.

Speaker 2 That should be the cover. Should I do it too? Yeah, do it.
Fuck you. Hey, YouTube, suck a big dick one.

Speaker 2 Hey, face YouTube. Hey, fungo, fungo, fuck you.
Fungo, fungo. Fungo, funko, funko.

Speaker 2 Suck it. Suck it, suck it.
Suck the tank regions of my fucking bubble.

Speaker 2 There it is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you're going to. Say something, guys.
What about YouTube? Go ahead. Go ahead, guys.

Speaker 1 More of a Vimeo girl.

Speaker 2 Oh, sick down. Look at your face, YouTube, Vimeo.
What about you?

Speaker 1 YouTube eats shit.

Speaker 2 Eat shit. Eat shit.

Speaker 2 And that's from the therapist. Well, you got a lot of shit from last night? No, no, no.
It wasn't too bad. What do you mean? You got so much love on the live stream.

Speaker 2 I think people loved it. I saw one, one,

Speaker 2 one, one, one comment is all I need to survive for like a full month.

Speaker 2 I saw one comment that criticized why we actually never put my finger inside of your butt. Why? Well, I said we never got a tip.
We said we would do it for $1,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He wanted me to put my finger in his ass for $1,000 all the way and then for $10,000, put it out and taste it, which I would have done. No one had the balls to tip 10K.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Would you have done that?

Speaker 2 For 10 grand? Yeah. I mean, it'd be hard to say no.
Yeah, you couldn't say no. It's a lot of money that someone gives.
I mean, who do we have? Some Saudi fucking prince watching the show? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Would you stick your finger in my butthole for $1,000?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Well, let's play this game. She's a decent human being.
She's a decent human being.

Speaker 2 Okay, so $10,000. I feel like any

Speaker 1 butt play is not great for my

Speaker 1 the rest of my career.

Speaker 2 We're at the end. We're at the end.

Speaker 2 You just do whatever. This career is over.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, I see.
So any buttons. Any butt play.

Speaker 2 You putting your finger in his anus you think is damaging to you, you're in control.

Speaker 2 You have the power. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How about you sticking your own finger in your own butthole?

Speaker 1 That's different.

Speaker 2 That's OnlyFans. That's OnlyFans.
Yeah, that's a whole different thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know,

Speaker 2 you're right. You know, you're like a daughter to me.
So I don't want you to do any of that kind of stuff. Okay.
Would you eat things on the internet? Like, how about this?

Speaker 2 What if we said, here's a bowl full of maggots that are alive. And we'll put some cereal, like, we'll put oat milk in it just to make it tasty.

Speaker 2 Oat milk is delicious. Right.

Speaker 2 And it's alive maggots. Would you eat it for how much?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 a hundred maggots.

Speaker 1 I have to eat all 100.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. There's so many maggots.
All right. How about 20? Like, 10 maggots is a lot.
Yeah, 10 maggots. How much for 10 maggots with some oat milk?

Speaker 1 10,000. I'll do 1,000 a maggot.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good, Code. How about you, Jules?

Speaker 1 I want to try frogs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she wants to eat the fucked up shit.

Speaker 2 You know how much she would have crushed that show? Frogs? Yeah, what was that show? 20 frogs in a bowl?

Speaker 1 20 is fine. But it needs to be fried, not raw.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.
Of course, we're going to cook the fucking frogs.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What's Rogan's show? What was that called? Fear Factor.
Fear Factor. Yeah, you would have killed on Fear Factor.
You would have been so good.

Speaker 2 There was nothing that you wouldn't eat. What were there? I mean,

Speaker 2 they ate a lot of like,

Speaker 2 you know, I don't even know. It was like testicles of certain kinds of animals or the asshole of an animal.
You know? You know what I saw? I saw a tweet the other day and I thought of you.

Speaker 2 I almost sent it to you. Someone goes, wait till pro-lifers find out about Balut.

Speaker 2 And I was like, that's incredible. That's so true.
I never thought about that, yeah. Yeah.
Wait till pro-lifers find out about balut. But pro-lifers eat egg.
It's the same thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but balut's like a, it's developed. Oh, yeah, that's true.
It's like a fucking bird. You know what Balut is? Uh-uh.

Speaker 1 I'm figuring it out.

Speaker 2 We ate it on the show.

Speaker 2 Tell her

Speaker 2 juice what Balut is. It's like a

Speaker 1 raw egg, but inside there's like a baby duck, and it's like a really good food in the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Look, that's the photo.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 And they eat that on the street. Like, you know how we have tacos and hot dogs on the street after a bar? This is their bacon-wrapped dog.
That's their hot dog.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's their bacon-wrapped hot dog.

Speaker 1 You put vinegar and salt, and it's really good.

Speaker 2 You need it.

Speaker 2 You need it. I threw up.
I almost threw up live on the show. It was so.
And a lot of it has hair.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was just going to ask: is there like peak? Yes.

Speaker 2 The smell is unbelievable. It's

Speaker 2 they are still kind of, they say things like,

Speaker 2 please, please, don't eat. Tony, please, please.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 then they fucking want you to see.

Speaker 2 Didn't care.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Would you eat that? I don't think so.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 No judgment.

Speaker 2 It's a cultural thing, but yeah, you probably would. So if you were in a country, a different country,

Speaker 2 and they had some sort of weird thing that, you know, that the people ate, you wouldn't eat it. You would refuse?

Speaker 1 My dad's always like, my whole life, you know, you should at least try something once, you know, with food and stuff. But like, there's certain things that I just don't sound good to me.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, this sushi with the egg on, there's, like, some kind of sushi on it.

Speaker 2 Like, like, uh, uni? You mean uni? No, no, no. What's it called? Not boot muguro.
What's it called? It's called, it's Kalila Loves It. So it's just an egg, right?

Speaker 1 I think so. Like a raw egg or something.
I don't know. There's some of that stuff that I'm like, I could maybe do without trying it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. An egg.
Like that. Like the yolk of an egg? That's a good one.
There's some uni down there with a egg yolk on it. Do you know what that is? The little red stuff is caviar.
Roe is row.

Speaker 2 Fish eggs. Yeah.
Would you eat fish eggs?

Speaker 1 Isn't that what caviar is?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you already ate it. You already eat it.
Yeah, I already ate caviar.

Speaker 2 Who took you there? You ate it already. Those are just bigger ones.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah, I should be more adventurous with things.
Sometimes you just get set in your ways.

Speaker 2 What's your ways? Like, what's your go-to meal? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Salads.

Speaker 1 A lot of salads. That's what lately I've been trying to just be healthy and be consistent with food.

Speaker 1 But then occasionally, like pizza. Pizza's so good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Pizza.
Yeah. I fucking hate salads.
I eat them only because I know I'm supposed to. Otherwise, I would never fucking eat a salad ever again.
Salads fucking suck. It depends on what it is.

Speaker 2 I don't give a shit what you eat. Like when they eat fucking handy things.
Give me a fucking sandwich. Like candied walnuts, like some cranberry.
I like that kind of stuff. Then it's not a salad.

Speaker 2 At some point, they're putting some. And ice cream.
Remember the ice cream salad? Ice cream salad. Oh, that's right.
We had ice cream salad. Well, that's not salad.
It is salad.

Speaker 2 Show me.

Speaker 2 Just let me describe it. Can I describe it? Thanks, bud.

Speaker 2 Back on the right track. Yeah, we're back on the right track.
Yeah, because we had it together, right?

Speaker 2 It was in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Really nice restaurant.
Beautiful salad, right? On top of it is a feta.

Speaker 2 It's like a goat cheese.

Speaker 2 A goat cheese ice cream. It's cold and it's an ice cream.
It's literally ice cream. On lettuce.
On lettuce. No, thank you.
It's so

Speaker 2 fucking.

Speaker 2 Candied walnuts, yeah.

Speaker 2 Ice cream has no business on salad. Ice cream has no business.
It's so good.

Speaker 2 That's all it took? I mean, that's convincing. I'll tell you, I took a scooter every day to go get that.
Get the fuck out of here, you guys. Lettuce has no fucking business being with ice cream.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm telling you right now, dude,

Speaker 2 it would blow your mind. Check this out.
Chucka, chucka, chucker. What would it be like without the fucking salad, just the ice cream? Pretty good.
So, what do I need the salad for?

Speaker 2 Because they work well together. They complement each other.
How is that? What kind of lettuce? No, so we opened with that. You know, usually ice cream, you close with it.
That's an opener.

Speaker 2 We opened with it, with some, you know, bank. What was the middle? Who featured? A featured, what would we eat?

Speaker 2 Deer or something?

Speaker 2 And who was the closer? The closer was the head. Who was the head of some ribs? Creme brulee or something.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Anyway. Did you say ribs?

Speaker 2 I don't usually eat dessert, so I forgot the dessert, but yeah, we had a bad one. Why don't you eat dessert? What are you talking about? He ate ribs for dessert.

Speaker 2 Fucking moron.

Speaker 1 My dad calls them pigsicles.

Speaker 2 Pigsicles, that's so good. That's so good, pigsicles.
Your dad is the fucking man.

Speaker 2 Where is your dad?

Speaker 1 North Carolina.

Speaker 1 When I feature for Polly coming up next week, I'm going to visit him at the end of the tour.

Speaker 2 Are you doing good nights?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Polly.
Have you done any dates with Paulie yet?

Speaker 1 Yeah, in Vegas. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What was it like? It's fun. We talked about it already, right? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, last time we talked about it.

Speaker 2 Dude, so funny. Polly came into the store the other night and he was a pop-in on the pop-in sheet.
Yeah. And I was doing Tiger Belly.
I was doing Tiger Belly Live. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's like, what's up, bro? And I was like, hey, man. I got to be honest with you.
You can't jump me. Like, I love you, but I have to go do Tiger Belly with Bobby.
I'll be late.

Speaker 2 If this happens, this will fuck up everything. Yeah.
He goes, you're good, dude. You're good.
And I go, also, I don't know if you want to go next anyway, because Argus, I'm not exaggerating.

Speaker 2 Argus threw up all over inside the green room bathroom. What?

Speaker 2 Wait, listen. For people that don't know, Argus Hamilton is one of the most legendary comedians at the comedy store.
He's the fucking man. He opens up the show.

Speaker 2 He has new shit every single time I see the dude.

Speaker 2 He's an OG. Respect.

Speaker 2 Respect. I love him.
Argus says to me, I'm not kidding. He goes, oh man, I'm sorry.
I threw up all over the place. And I was like, are you sick? He goes, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 I think it's from the

Speaker 2 Carney's hamburger I just ate. You ever had one of those? Yeah, yeah.
I was like, Carney's the train on Sunset? The hot dog place? Yeah. No, I've never had a hamburger there.

Speaker 2 He's like, well, don't do it.

Speaker 2 Dude, he puked all over the green room bath, the poor guy. And then Danny made him take a COVID test because Danny was like nervous.
He was like, why are you, how do you not know if you're sick? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because Argus was like, I I don't think I'm sick. And he's like, What do you mean? What does that mean? You'd be, you would know what's going on.

Speaker 2 So Danny went and got him a fucking COVID test and made him take it. Yeah.
And I told Polly that, and he was like, Really? I was like, I'll wipe down the mic

Speaker 2 before and after. It's a fucking

Speaker 2 circus. It's a fucking circus.
Yeah. Argus saved my life.
Did he? Yeah.

Speaker 2 He got me sober the first time. One of the guys.
He's been sober for how long?

Speaker 2 40 years? Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 But although

Speaker 2 I can't, if he's speaking at an A meeting, I have to leave.

Speaker 2 I have to leave.

Speaker 2 I have to leave. What? I can't do it.
Does he do jokes? He does his act, and then it's like, what does his act, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's tough. It's tough.

Speaker 2 Because he does, you know, he'll stay something like, yeah, me and Sammy Davis Jr., you know, we used to, you know, he told me this one joke at a cafe, and it's like, yeah, but we're trying to get sober.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Talk about the sobriety.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he's a good man. He's a good man.
He's a good man. He's a good man.
I don't want to, you know what I mean? He's going to come. Because he didn't talk to me for two years.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I don't know. One night I had to follow him and I was in a bad mood.

Speaker 2 And I said something like, you know, run applause for the old bitch with the wig. Yeah, that would make sense.
Or something like that, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm on stage. It kind of got a laugh.
And I can see him in the back.

Speaker 2 Just, you know, just his silhouette just kind of like. Takes off his wig.

Speaker 2 God damn it. I mean, it was just like, I felt so bad.
Yeah, why would you say that? I've said so many bad things. By the way, he doesn't have a wig.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I don't know what the joke was. You're just like, he was just being mean.
Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Have you said anything mean?

Speaker 1 My rule is if they're killing, then I'll go and make a joke about them. But if somebody goes before me and bombs, I'm not going to like attack them more.

Speaker 2 That's a good rule. That's a really good rule.
But

Speaker 2 when you're one of the headliners on the list,

Speaker 2 here is our rules. At some point, if I don't know you well, I don't talk anything about you.
That's probably smarter.

Speaker 2 I don't like this idea that people say stuff when they don't really know somebody. It's like, what the fuck is that? You don't know that.
You don't know how they're going to take it.

Speaker 2 My rule is always like if like him and I, it's, it's, you know, no rules. No rule.
It's no rules. There is a rule, and I'm going to tell you something right now.
You did this thing.

Speaker 2 I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do it every thirty times. You did something the other day that made me so fucking angry that.
It crushed. For you.
It crushed for me.

Speaker 2 So good. You did your set.
I had a really good set. I had a really good set.
Then I gave him an incredible intro, and then he came out, and I just kept coming back out on stage. No, no, that's not it.

Speaker 2 That's not it. Not only did he skip it.
I walked through the fucking crowd. Yeah, so I'm on stage doing my jokes, and he's walking around the crowd, and people are cheering him off, right?

Speaker 2 He left the building. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go into my act.
He runs back in, right?

Speaker 2 And everyone's cheering. And in my head, I'm like, if he wasn't like a guy that I loved, I might kill him.
You would do this to me. You would 100% do this.
Not when you're doing your jokes.

Speaker 2 That is not true. Not when it's your turn.
That's not true because when I'm in the OR, you've you've come back up on stage and fucked around with me when I'm in the OR. You've wanted that.

Speaker 2 You've asked for it. I didn't ask for it.
Oh, cut it the fuck off.

Speaker 2 This is an agreement you and I have for the rest of our lives. No, that's your agreement.
I want to create an agreement. Okay, go ahead and create one.
Right.

Speaker 2 You're allowed to do it after you say my name, right?

Speaker 2 First, ask me first.

Speaker 2 Before. Never.
Okay, that's not the agreement then. Well, it's the one I'm making.
I know. Will you negotiate this?

Speaker 1 I wish you guys would do more back-to-back spots at this store.

Speaker 2 I like stuff like that. Why?

Speaker 2 Because we're friends and it's fun.

Speaker 2 We're friends and it's fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's exciting. It's live theater.

Speaker 2 Marin brings me out the same way. I've told you this every time.
He goes, tried to be friends with this guy. We hung out once.
It didn't work. Andrew Santino.
He does it every time.

Speaker 2 Wait,

Speaker 2 every

Speaker 2 fucking time. I tried to be friends with the guy.

Speaker 2 It didn't work. He goes, this next guy,

Speaker 2 he's all right.

Speaker 1 Do you think he's maybe

Speaker 1 trying to see if you ask him to hang out more?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's 100% what he's doing. I think so.
No, Mark is a sweet friend. And he has become a good friend.
I love him. He's just so funny about hanging out.
He's like, why don't you ask to go on hikes?

Speaker 2 I'm like, because I can't, I'm squeezing in things during the day.

Speaker 2 I don't have huge gaps of the day where it's like I can make my way over to his house and drink coffee and play with cats and go hike. I don't have a lot of time.
He loves cats. Don't shame him.

Speaker 2 I didn't. I just said I didn't want to play with them all day.
And the man loves cats.

Speaker 2 He's allowed to love cats. I love him.
He's eight of them. He loves them.
He brings me on the same way, though. He always goes, we try to be friends.
We hung out once. It's not going to be.

Speaker 2 I can't say what he used to say about me.

Speaker 2 What would he say? I can't even say it. Say it and we'll beep it.

Speaker 2 No, it wasn't. It's nothing that you can bleep.
It was just kind of just so mean that I had to go afterwards one night. This is before I was.
I'm very good friends with him now. Yeah, he's the best.

Speaker 2 I love him now. What happens?

Speaker 2 Like, in fact, you know, when he does Largo, he always invites me to open.

Speaker 2 I just love him. And he's, you know, he's family.
But 12 years ago,

Speaker 2 he would say, this next guy,

Speaker 2 he's a dancing clown.

Speaker 2 He needs to, you know, give you energy and an attitude to get laughs. You know, not really good joke writer.
You know,

Speaker 2 how much of that do you think he meant? All of it. How much of it? Because it wasn't like it.
I didn't know him. You know what I mean? Did that hit home for you? Oh, I would just be

Speaker 2 rage tears in the back.

Speaker 2 Would you still get up there and dance like a clown, though? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's my, that's my talent. I'm okay.
That's all I know how to do. You know what I mean? That's the thing, because you're watching it going, it's true.
I mean, it's mean. It's mean but true.

Speaker 2 But true.

Speaker 2 Mark, Mark is mean but true. You mean true? Yeah, I could say things about him, you know what I mean? That, you know,

Speaker 2 he gives no energy to you. You know what I mean? Yeah.
No, on stage. He gives no energy on stage.
He's bitter, you you know, angry. I mean, I could say things, but I go, I always, I don't do that.

Speaker 2 He's alleged. I say the good things.
You know what I mean? I have give great intros. You'd give some of the best.
The best in the world. You've seen a lot working at the store.

Speaker 2 Who gives the worst intros?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Wait, can I defer and tell you something crazy that happened last night?

Speaker 1 The AC was out in the original room. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 It was 94 degrees last night.

Speaker 1 So hot. We had three fans going, which did nothing.

Speaker 1 And in the middle of the show, like five comics in, I should say, Greg Fitzsimmons was on stage, and a lady stood up in the back and said, My husband, he's choking. I need a doctor.

Speaker 1 Can someone get a doctor?

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 1 And then I'm working the room, and I know our security Joe's in EMT. So I go, Joe, Joe, Joe, we need Joe.
And he comes in and we clear it. And also, we're thinking, how's he choking?

Speaker 1 We don't serve food there.

Speaker 2 There's no food.

Speaker 1 So he wasn't choking. Kaylee, who plays the piano,

Speaker 1 before we figured out what was happening.

Speaker 1 Kaylee Chase, she tried to give him the Heinleck

Speaker 1 remover, the Heinleich maneuver, and two people yelled out, you're too weak.

Speaker 2 No. And then Charlie, yes.
This is in the middle of Fitz's second.

Speaker 2 What's Greg doing?

Speaker 1 Greg, I already respected Greg a lot as a comic. I respect him so much more now.
He was like, okay, everybody, let's just stay calm. Let's give him some room.
Everybody just stepped back.

Speaker 1 And then they said, okay, yeah, it looks like he's breathing now. And people started started clapping.
He goes, Let's keep the energy down.

Speaker 1 Like, he was like controlling the room, keeping things light, not trying to get laughs like during this guy.

Speaker 2 That's really nice. That's really nice.
Yeah, what a gentleman. One of the best comics in the country.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then Joe got him out.

Speaker 1 He was the guy was fine. I think he was just heat exhausted.
Got him out to the patio, and then Greg got the show back rolling and then brought up Moshe, who Moshe Casher called the 911.

Speaker 2 It's like all the comics. All the comments were saving this guy's life?

Speaker 1 For backstage.

Speaker 1 Moshe was about to go up next.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. Another great guy.
They were all helping this guy. With Kaylee Chase, once, can I just say something embarrassing that happened? Sure.
I love Kaylee.

Speaker 2 I love Kaylee.

Speaker 2 Oh, I was calling Fist because I wanted to hear his story. So I love Kaylee Chase, right?

Speaker 2 The pianist. Pianist.
I adore her. Is she permanent now, or are they still switching with the other, with like

Speaker 1 they have three keyboard players, yeah.

Speaker 2 Are they all still rotating? Uh-huh. But she's like, I didn't know who her dad was, right? Sure.
So one day you know who her dad is now, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so one day, well, I know this is because of the story. Uh, Chevy was Chase was on stage, Chevy was Chase, Chevy Chase was on stage, and I didn't, he was eating it.

Speaker 2 I mean, I just point blank, and I was at the cover booth. You mean he was bombing? Yeah, nice, and I was at the cover booth, and Kaylee's behind the counter, and I go, This fucking fuck face.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Fucking idiot. She goes, he's my dad.
I go, oh, anyway.

Speaker 2 You were shitting on Chevy Chase? Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 Why would you audibly be like, this fucking loser's eating? I didn't say that. I didn't say loser.
You're putting words in my mouth. I go, this fuckface.
Oh, go, fuckface. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 I said, fuckface. I apologize.

Speaker 2 That was because, you know, I was, because I showed up and I'm like, he wasn't on the list. You know,

Speaker 2 you know, and then after his set he didn't even bring me he just walked offstaff my point is is that you know i mean i you know you should not watch i should watch my mouth yeah yeah you really say things and i you know

Speaker 2 regret it all the times i he but guys he's a legend guys do that all the time though when they come to the store and they don't know the rules about bringing up somebody they just walk off that happens all the time all the time i hate it and you and then you got to go out there and be like hey and it's so uncomfortable oh no not anymore paul rodriguez did that paul rodriguez two weeks ago did it

Speaker 2 And he comes up to me and goes, hey, bro, can I go up before you have five minutes? I'll do five minutes. I go, okay.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 22 minutes in. He's still on stage.
Yeah, I've seen that. And I'm looking at Emily.
I'm like, I fucking told you. And like, you know, me.
I fucking told you.

Speaker 2 Like a little bitch, right? Yeah. Right?

Speaker 2 And he just walks off stage. He's supposed to bring me on.
Right?

Speaker 2 And for a second, I'm like, should I just run up there? I go, I, no, I go. Paul comes to the side.
I go, get back back up there. I yelled at him and say, and bring me up, right? And he did it.

Speaker 2 But my point is that normally back when I was younger, I would just do it. I would just go up on top, but no more.
No, do you? I had to fight for my right. You goddamn right, you do.
Do your job.

Speaker 2 Do your job, bud. You know what I mean? I don't care who you are.
You're a legend. I get it.
I get it. I get it.
But please do your job. Who's allowed to do that to you?

Speaker 2 Just walk off stage? Martin Lawrence does it. Yeah, I let him do it.
You let him do it because he's Martin Lawrence. I let Martin Lawrence do it.
Who else?

Speaker 2 But I mean, Chappelle or Burta, they bring you up. They know the rules.
Yeah, but they know the system.

Speaker 2 They know the system. Yeah, but

Speaker 2 Martin does it. He's done it nine times to me.

Speaker 2 But I already know.

Speaker 2 But I already know he's going to do it. So you're prepared.
So whenever he's before me, he's always before me.

Speaker 2 He always brings me up. I don't know why they do it like that.
They have put, you know what I mean? Anyway. Emily told me she likes to watch you kind of scramble.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right.

Speaker 2 So whenever he's on stage,

Speaker 2 when I know he's done, I'm always pacing, like, all right, how do I do it? How do I do it? How do I do it? And you're trying to think of something funny to do.

Speaker 2 Not only that, or I always hope today is the day. He's going to leave.
He's going to. Yeah, I think today's the day.
Oh, he's putting the mic.

Speaker 2 He's leaving. He's gone.
He's gone. Right? He's gone.
And then I run up there, and it's, oh, never.

Speaker 2 It's never any. It's never good.
I always go, anyway.

Speaker 2 I'm Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 Because you have to say who you are. And they go.
Oh, right. All right.
right.

Speaker 2 We just saw a legend. Yeah, we know.
Yeah, movie, a real movie, bonafide movie star. So, yeah, right?

Speaker 2 It's really sad. It's so sad.
Yeah. Is he still, is he back doing shows again here? Yeah.
I mean, every once in a while, right, he still comes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I haven't seen him at the store, but it's always sometimes the nights you're not working, and then they text the group chat.

Speaker 2 They're like, oh, Lawrence is here. I wonder if he's doing that.
He was doing that wet pussy joke. It's like a 10-minute wet pussy joke.

Speaker 2 You know, can I just say, have you ever heard it?

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's literally 10 minutes on wet pussy.

Speaker 2 I'm not exaggerating. I'm not even remembering.

Speaker 2 When he was young, it was funny. It's a little weird now.
Yeah, he's 60 now.

Speaker 2 It means, I love wet pussy.

Speaker 2 And you're like,

Speaker 2 but you have children and a family.

Speaker 2 It's weird to hear him say it because he goes on and on. It's a lot of

Speaker 2 metaphors and analogies about Wet Pussy. And at first, you're like a champion.
Like the song WAP, you're like, hell yeah. Yeah.
And then it's as if WAP was like 40 minutes long.

Speaker 2 By the end, you'd be like, this is a lot of wet pussy stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I support, big wet pussy supporter, but also. I love wet pussy.
I don't need so much time about it. It's a lot.
And he did a bit about

Speaker 2 like, I like it when they spit on my dick. Yeah, he does a lot of that stuff.

Speaker 2 And it's just like, ah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man. No, I love it.
I love it, though. No, I love it.
I like it too when they spit on your dick. Yeah.
I do. I like it.
Don't you like it? It's like a little humor. It's a little degrading.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Like you're degrading.
You're their bitch. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Spit on your little penis.
Spit on it, but okay, anyway. But Mario, he's a good guy.
No, he's a great dude.

Speaker 2 Great comic. Okay, so tell me, who does the worst intros?

Speaker 2 This isn't you being mean about that introduction.

Speaker 2 What I loved about what you did, though, is

Speaker 2 because it's an uncomfortable question. And when he asked you the first time, you diverted.

Speaker 2 I got a good story. You diverted to the Great Fitzset.
But you can't fool us. No, I can't fool us.

Speaker 2 We're always going to go back.

Speaker 2 We were always going to go back.

Speaker 1 It's a hard question because all that last night was so crazy. And then I didn't get home until like 2 a.m.

Speaker 2 You're diverting.

Speaker 2 You're really diverting.

Speaker 1 Have you guys ever been in a situation where someone passed out during a show?

Speaker 2 It's so fun. She's so good.
She's so good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I've never seen any, like, I've heard of stuff like that happening.

Speaker 2 But you guys have been around for so long.

Speaker 2 You guys are so good. You've been around for a long time.

Speaker 2 you're a professional, dude.

Speaker 2 Juicy, I'm telling you right now, already, dude, already. You're already a part of the family, you know that.
You got a lot of followers, new followers on Instagram, right? Did you? Yeah, it's crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, how many?

Speaker 1 Thousand. At least like 5,000.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and it's still. You deserve more and more.
You deserve more and more and more. Follower.
But let's go back to the question. Go back to the question.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Lawyer, please.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, my question.

Speaker 1 Have you guys ever seen anything like that when you were on stage?

Speaker 2 See what?

Speaker 2 like while you're on stage somebody pass out where they're it's like it becomes real and you have to handle it i saw a guy drunkenly uh fall forward and smash it his head on a table and split it wide open jesus uh i was in

Speaker 2 somewhere in the midwest i can't remember but i i i i you know what's so funny you know when you watch something i watched it happen like i knew it was coming almost you know when you notice that you're like watching in slow motion i watched him kind of stumble and my brain literally like pre-set it my brain was like that guy's gonna fall and hit his fucking head And sure enough, he like tripped over a chair and his head hit right on the corner of the table.

Speaker 2 And it fucked my whole show up. I was right in the middle of a good fucking bit.
And so I said, don't help that guy. Let him fucking bleed out.

Speaker 2 I have to finish this bit. Yeah.
No, it was so fucked up. I felt so bad.
I mean, he split his head fucking wide open on a table. I was a doorman at the store once, and

Speaker 2 it was New Year's Eve.

Speaker 2 NYE shows. Yeah, so

Speaker 2 it was doorman.

Speaker 2 Fucking hair.

Speaker 2 You're running around like a little monkey. I'm just running around getting like hats and glitter.
Oh, I don't know what I'm doing. You fucking hate me.

Speaker 1 Really quick, last year Holtzman was on stage during New Year's Eve and he brought in the new year. And there were people in the back that were literally saying, what's going on?

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Because they were like, they're like, why is he bringing in our new year?

Speaker 2 Why is Brian Holtzman doing? What is going on?

Speaker 1 He was just like, you know, women suck.

Speaker 2 What is going on? Fucking workload spaces and shit. He just yells and yells.
So I'm running around.

Speaker 2 I'm running around. This is 19, probably 97,

Speaker 2 right? Door Hollywood, running around. When you were born.
Yeah, and some guy comes up to me. He goes,

Speaker 2 This Bulgarian man knows, wants to talk to you because

Speaker 2 your family members passed out. I go, my family member, what?

Speaker 2 What are you talking about? He's like, do you know Bulgarian guy? I go, I don't know no Bulgarian. I go, and there's a Bulgarian man, and I know then I knew who he was.

Speaker 2 And he's married, at the time, he was married to my cousin, Jenny, right? And this business. So, a real member of your family? My first cousin, Jenny.
Bulgaria.

Speaker 2 So, my mom, the mom that you saw here, right? Yeah, mom, her brother's daughter is married to a Bulgarian guy.

Speaker 2 Was no longer. What happened? This is how he died? No, they divorced.

Speaker 2 Anyway, he comes up, Bubby, Bubby.

Speaker 2 I go, oh, yeah. He goes, Jenny, I think she died.

Speaker 2 And I look in the hallway.

Speaker 2 Is Jennifer just passed out little vomit out of her mouth? Oh, my God. It was so

Speaker 2 embarrassing. She didn't die.
She didn't die. She was just drunk? She was just drunk.
And I just, I didn't even help her up. I just said, I got to work.
Oh, my God. And I just continued to work.

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All the niche stuff, right? You want to jump from the trees. I'm like short round.
You want to get down waterfalls?

Speaker 2 You want to shimmy down a waterfall? No, they smoke. Jones, that's me.
That's you. You want to see the planes coming.
Yeah, yeah.

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You have any crazy people in your family?

Speaker 1 No, I really don't.

Speaker 2 You come from like a solid base.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love my family.

Speaker 2 Andrew, ask the question again. I'm going to.
Okay, got it. You love your family?

Speaker 1 Yeah, my mom's side is like,

Speaker 1 my mom's side is really big. Like, I have cousins and aunts and uncles, and my dad's side is, it's, like, literally just my dad and my stepmom.

Speaker 2 Oh, but you know what? Who gives the worst intros at the comedy store?

Speaker 2 Probably me. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 You're so sweet. How did she get out of that one a third time?

Speaker 2 I don't want anybody to feel that. Okay, so here's the deal.
The reason why you don't answer that question

Speaker 2 is because you don't want anyone to be mad at you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's part of it, too.

Speaker 2 That's part of it.

Speaker 1 I'm a peacekeeper.

Speaker 2 You're a peacekeeper. And also, a lot of the guys are probably headliners and stuff.
Yeah. Right? And you don't want to burn any bridges.

Speaker 1 I also

Speaker 1 really can't think of anybody that I'm like, wow, that sucked.

Speaker 2 I bet you can. Yeah, that's not true.

Speaker 1 And I go up first.

Speaker 1 I go up first, so nobody brings me up. So maybe you guys are thinking of yourself.

Speaker 2 I know what you're doing, and I love it. You're crafty and you're a survivor, right? But let's be honest.
That is not true, what you just said. All right.
So here's the deal.

Speaker 2 You don't have to answer that question, right? No, thank God. You don't, right? Ron White's called me Andy San Clemente like seven times.

Speaker 2 I'm not even exaggerating, like seven times. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't think of it.

Speaker 2 Andy San Clemente. Literally.

Speaker 2 That's hilarious. Andy San Clemente.
Yeah, yeah. I've reintroduced myself to him no less than five, six times.
Yes. Not only that, dude, you know what he says to me? Who are you? Who are you?

Speaker 2 Three times. Yeah.
Doesn't know. Who are you? But you know, he's sober now.
He's talked about it. I go, you're bringing me up.
Yeah. It doesn't know.
No matter.

Speaker 2 And you said, asked me who are you last week? Yeah. He doesn't know.
No. He doesn't know.
No, I think, but he's sober now, so I think he probably is more in tune. Yeah.
He got clean. He told me.

Speaker 2 Okay, Segura the other day.

Speaker 2 I don't give a fuck. I love Burning Bridges.
I'm going to say something like that. He's not Burning a Bridge.
That's just the truth. He called me Andy San Clemente.

Speaker 2 Here's a guy that for the last 30 years,

Speaker 2 I've met him,

Speaker 2 oh, probably over 100 times, right? He doesn't care to even memorize my face, my name. Give me the initials.

Speaker 2 BB.

Speaker 2 Bretton Biddlecombe. No.
And he's been pulling that shit

Speaker 2 because way too much.

Speaker 2 How funny? You're the cute guy. Wait, BB.
BB, yeah. BB.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And is it a legend? Not a legend, but you know who he is.

Speaker 2 He's black. Brian Botano.
He's black. Brian Babylon.

Speaker 2 Black guy. BB.
BB. BB.
Do you know B? BB? He's not a regular at the store. He was on MTV at one point.

Speaker 2 As a DJ. Vijay as a VJ? Yeah.
Wait. Or something like that.
Like a Black Bart.

Speaker 1 The pirate. He's a comic.

Speaker 2 He's a comic. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Legitimate stand-up comic. BB, BB, BB.

Speaker 2 Can I say his first name?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Bill.

Speaker 2 Burr. Bill Burr.
No, Black Burr. Bill Burr.

Speaker 2 Oh, so Bill Burr. Not married to a black woman, black guy.
Bill Burr. No.
Bill Bellamy. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Bill Bellamy. Some of I didn't get that right away.
Yeah, Bill Bellamy, even today, if I was standing in front of him, excuse me, he would not know. Wouldn't know who you are.
No.

Speaker 2 Have you had a conversation with him? Yeah, many times. I've tried.
He just, it's not in his wheelhouse. I'm not in his wheelhouse.
You know what I mean? There are people like that out there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but there's also a part of it.

Speaker 2 How many you's does he meet? You have to think about that. How many Koreans does he meet? No, just like people.
You would think.

Speaker 2 People in general. How many people are meeting Bill Bellamy? Probably three.
Really in a green room at a comedy club. You wouldn't know?

Speaker 2 I'd probably try my best, but I'm sure there's some comics I'd forget unless they crushed and then I'd remember them. Yeah, well, that makes me feel bad.
Well, that wasn't a shot at you.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just saying it does make me feel bad. Why? Because you didn't do good enough for him to remember.
Yeah, I just feel like if I've been in the business for as long as I have

Speaker 2 with the amount of things that I've done,

Speaker 2 I don't care if regular people, I mean, there's so many people, 99.9% of the people on planet Earth doesn't know who I am, right?

Speaker 2 But as a comic, you would think that eventually you could memorize somebody, you know what I mean? Face and name. That's all.
What do you think, Juice?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I like when I go in a green room, I just try to meet everybody if I don't know them.

Speaker 2 What do you do if somebody goes like this? We've met before.

Speaker 2 And I go, oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's me. You lie?

Speaker 1 No, I genuinely remember all the good times we had together.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something. See, but that's because your disposition looks sweet and happy, and you can go, oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 But when someone has said to me, like, we've met before, and they do it with a little bit of attitude, it's like, well, what do you want me to say? I'm sorry. I guess I'm sorry that we had.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people are complicated, man.

Speaker 1 Sometimes I will have met someone a bunch of times and they'll be like, oh, hi, I'm so-and-so. And then I just go through the dance again.

Speaker 2 And I go, oh, hi, I'm Jesse.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I had a guy do this to me. What? Said, do it what? He did this thing where he, I just introduced myself to be polite because I walked into a room.
There's five people in there. I know who he is.

Speaker 2 In fact, I knew who he was before I met him. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, his presence is known.
He's kind of a popular guy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I walked in. I go, hey, what's up? What's up, guys? I go, hey, what's up, Andrew? Just to remind, just in case.
Yeah. I was doing it in case he didn't remember.
He goes, I know, dude.

Speaker 2 We've met like five fucking times. Yeah.
But with real attitude. And I was like, I'm sorry.
I thought maybe what if you didn't remember me? Bill Maher.

Speaker 2 What? You're Bill Maher? No, I did it to Bill Maher. Bill Maher was was standing in the comedy store once.
I walked up and go, hey, I'm Bobby.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I didn't know that you would even.
Because Bill Belvey doesn't know who I am.

Speaker 2 He just assumed all Bills don't know who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just had another Bill that you. He didn't know me.
Yeah, that's odd. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I thought I just had an issue with Bills. But my point is, is that, but he did that.
He goes, yeah, I know. We've met.
I know. We were in Hawaii.
Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And I did this film festival in Hawaii with Freddy Soto years ago, and I met him briefly, and he remembered. That's pretty powerful.
That's pretty cool.

Speaker 2 But my point is, I didn't know that he, I would thought, there's no way he'll remember. So I'll just open with him, Bobby, I'm a comic, I'm a big fan.
That's the move. I think that's all.

Speaker 2 I think that's the move. And then they can just go, if they do, I think the move is in.
And if you do remember someone, you just go, yeah, no, great to see you again.

Speaker 2 And it just let it go. Yeah.
Don't have to make a fucking. You do have a big thing with Bills, though.
I do have it. Yeah.
Bill Clinton, that whole thing with him?

Speaker 2 That beef that you had with Bill Clinton? Oh, yeah. That's insane.
I go, you know, you're, I love the, you know, I said to him, like, you're granted the trumpet. He goes, sacks.
Yeah, sacks.

Speaker 2 He was so pissed off. I played the sacks.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 My bad, was he?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I played the sacks.
Yeah. But the reason why I,

Speaker 2 because the generations, even, like,

Speaker 2 rest in peace, Richard Jenny.

Speaker 2 Right. But I don't know.
Do you know who that is? You don't know Richard Jenny? He used to be like

Speaker 2 considered one of the best joke guys. He's a great joke writer.
Coach Richie, great joker writer.

Speaker 2 But I remember I was a kid, and Johnny Sanchez and I saw Richard Jenny, and Johnny Sanchez was a huge Richard Jenny fan. And Johnny Sanchez goes, hi-fi, Richard Jenny, right?

Speaker 2 And Richard Jenny just walked past us.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 Johnny was left with his hand out like this. And I could see Johnny's face just like almost cry because he was like, he was a huge fan of Richard Jenny.
Wow, Rich.

Speaker 2 And he stood there for like, I don't know, 20 seconds like this. I think he was trying to milk the laugh because he knew I was there, but he was still embarrassed, Right?

Speaker 2 So, but I just will always remember this. Well,

Speaker 2 yeah. I mean, Johnny also saw a ghost.
Who's dead and who's alive? You know what I mean? That's what Rich Kets.

Speaker 2 Well, he didn't. He killed himself.
I know. I know.
Which is sad. You got to high-five somebody, dude.
What?

Speaker 2 What do you say?

Speaker 2 What if the high-five you and you don't have to be a fan of the family? What if that was his little thought? I should have high-five Johnny Sanchez. Why didn't I fucking high-five Johnny Sanchez?

Speaker 2 It's awful. That's awful.
That's awful. Terrible.
That's awful. That's good.
Yeah. That's terrible.
So you're not going to name any names. Oh, she won't.

Speaker 1 I almost didn't recognize somebody at the store. I was working the lot, and someone pulled in, and they weren't on the lineups.
It was Fazon Love.

Speaker 2 Oh, Faison.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I've seen him in movies, but I didn't recognize him.
And I was asking him if he's on a show. And he was fucking with me.
And he's like, no.

Speaker 1 And then I said, well, this is for paid regulars. He goes, how do you know I'm not a paid regular?

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 And then I thought he was just a customer trying to park there. And he was like, Ian Edwards was standing there.
He goes, I'm Ian Edwards. And then they all start cracking up.

Speaker 1 And then, cause he's got his friend in the car, too. And I'm like, I know Ian Edwards.

Speaker 1 And then he just opens the door and gets out.

Speaker 2 Like a big fuck you to you. Yeah, fuck you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I was like in my feelings about it. And then I realized who it was.
And I felt like an asshole. And I messaged him the next day, like apologizing.

Speaker 2 You messaged him what?

Speaker 1 Via Instagram. And I was like, I just felt really bad.
And then

Speaker 1 he said, you don't have have to apologize. What's your cash app? And he sent me $150 for parking in the lot because he was like, I didn't see you when I left and I have to tip.

Speaker 2 Faze on Love is the motherfucking man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's awesome.

Speaker 2 The fucking man.

Speaker 1 And the next time he pulled up in the lot, we had like a laugh about it. But I, yeah, it's when you're on the other side of it and you don't recognize somebody.

Speaker 2 It's so funny because I don't know how to handle those situations. Like, that's funny.
I just shut down. Like, I did.
I went to the comedy cellar and I fucking walked down the stairs and the guy goes,

Speaker 2 he, he like slabbed his hand on my chest and he goes, Back the fuck up. Cause he was talking to two other customers.
And I was like, oh, I'm just going to go downstairs.

Speaker 2 He goes, you ain't going fucking nowhere. And he's not really looking at me.
He's like looking down at my body. Do you know what I mean? Like, he's looking at me kind of, but peripherally.

Speaker 2 And he goes, you ain't going fucking nowhere. And I was like, oh, all right.

Speaker 2 And like a bitch, I got on my phone and I stood there. And then he looked up at me.
He goes, yo, oh, shit. And then he felt bad.
Yeah. He's like, yo, that was you.
I'm so sorry. I didn't even.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I was like, that's okay. I had to call someone.

Speaker 2 I shut down so fast. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know how to, I was like, because I don't ever want to be like, I'm on the, I'm on the ginks. Yeah, yeah.
I don't want to do that. That's what, when I go to New York, it's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 I don't want to do it. I'm not going to go to any comedy club anymore.
No, I know you're

Speaker 2 because I don't want that to happen.

Speaker 2 I feel like no one knows who I am, so I don't want to just show up at the cellar and then have this happen. No, they all know who you are.
Yeah, but I don't know that. You can't assume that they do.

Speaker 2 I know what I'm saying, but you, yes, they know who you are. You, yes.

Speaker 1 It's kind of nice, too, though. Like, you guys probably missed this, or you don't even remember, but it's kind of nice nobody knowing who you are.

Speaker 1 When you go to a show, yeah, because you go in and they're like, uh, do you have a ticket? And then I'm like, oh, I'm on the show. And they're like, oh, what's your name?

Speaker 1 And then they'll check me off and then I'll go and, you know, do good.

Speaker 2 Go crush.

Speaker 1 And then they're going to be.

Speaker 2 Oh, and then you gain their respect. Let me like that.

Speaker 1 I like being like an underdog and kind of being invisible and then just shining when I go.

Speaker 2 It never goes away. Trust me.

Speaker 2 Okay, good. I was I'll give you a better example.

Speaker 2 Now that I play like small theaters, not all the time, but like clubs will all know who you are because they're like, they do meetings and the staff, they're like, here's who's coming this weekend, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 So they all kind of know who's coming. Even if they don't know you as a comic, are like, he's the fucking red-headed guy.
You'll see him when he comes here.

Speaker 2 Small theaters, they don't give a shit. Fuck about that.
You don't mean fuck all.

Speaker 2 We've multiple times, me and O'Connor, have walked to the back of the theater and a guy who's working like one of the crew will be smoking, and we'd just have a notice in Pittsburgh. And I was like,

Speaker 2 is this the artist entrance? And he was like, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh,

Speaker 2 we're the guys. And he's like,

Speaker 2 who's your contact? And I'm debating on if I could get in with one of the stage hands. Right.
And a piece of me was like, let's just go back to the hotel. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I didn't want, he, because his attitude, they don't give a fuck about you. You don't mean shit.
They don't know who the fuck you are. I played the Chicago theater.
It was 3,700 seats.

Speaker 2 Half of the back staff doesn't know who you are.

Speaker 1 Theater people are like that.

Speaker 2 They don't give a fuck about you. You don't mean shit.
So that doesn't go away. People not knowing you, that doesn't fucking a whole room is there for you.

Speaker 2 And there's a bunch of people that are like, who the fuck is this fucking piece of shit? Yeah. And then you'd be like, can we get some waters downstairs? And they're like, the waters are out back.

Speaker 2 You're like, we'll go get them. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. It's, it never changes.
Yeah. Which is, that's, it's nice.
It's humbling because it's like, you're not getting hand and footed.

Speaker 2 Even at those big venues, they don't, you mean dog shit to them. You're just another idiot that's going to come in, do the show, and then they're like, you guys got to get the fuck out.

Speaker 1 Well, part of me was kind of hoping that part would change.

Speaker 2 It does not. Okay.
Yeah, but it's also, I want to just amongst your peers. Here's the reality, you know, because I'll run into like a kid from high school that I went to high school with.

Speaker 2 I'll be like, oh, my life must be completely changed, or this and that.

Speaker 2 And it's like, honestly, dude, I feel the same as you do because at the end of the day, five times during the day, someone will, and it's never like even a big deal. They're like, no sotos papaya.

Speaker 2 We'll yell out of the car and you're like, oh, cool, right? But normally you're still waiting in line. No one knows who the fuck you are.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You're just

Speaker 2 living a life like everyone else's. Every once in a while, if you're at a club or...
you'll get a perk.

Speaker 2 And if you're at the Ace Theater Saturday when we did the Tiger Belly show, obviously there, you feel special because everyone knows who you are because they're all congregated into one area, right?

Speaker 2 At your show. So that's why comics do shows because all your fans are in one area.
You get to feel good.

Speaker 2 But when you're out in the real world, you're just, you know what I mean, at the DMV, just waiting in line. Yeah, you're just like, you know what I mean? It's for $10.
I mean, you're just

Speaker 2 like everyone else.

Speaker 1 Do you get recognized, Rudy? Not a lot, just sometimes. And I don't like it because I don't know what to do.

Speaker 2 Wait, why don't you like it?

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do. They say, I love you.
I like you. And then I don't know what to say next.

Speaker 2 Do you ever say, I love you? I like you back.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Let's replay it. Love is a big love.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Are you Rudy Jules? Oh, my God.
That's fucking good. Rudy Jules.
We love you. We like you.
We love you so much. I like you.
I like you too.

Speaker 2 We like you, and we love you. We love you.
Hi.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? What the fuck? That's what I do.

Speaker 2 All right. We love you.
We love you. Will you take a photo with us?

Speaker 1 Sure. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 You must be rich on that show. Will you cash app us?

Speaker 1 I don't have money. I have to go, but it was nice meeting you.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, don't go anywhere.

Speaker 2 Don't, don't.

Speaker 2 My buddy wants to sing you a song. We're also on the same flight, so they haven't called our

Speaker 2 flying together.

Speaker 1 I have to go to the bathroom. I really need to poo.

Speaker 2 Let us come with you. Yeah, girls go together.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she'll come with you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She can come with me. Okay, we'll just wait outside.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. Okay, bye.
Bye.

Speaker 1 Bye, guys. I'll get the picture.

Speaker 2 Okay, thank you.

Speaker 2 That's how you are.

Speaker 2 What are you feeling inside? I want to die. I want to die.
I want to die. I die.
I want to die. I want to die.
Really? Interesting. So you want no one to recognize you ever again?

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, you came on the show. You wanted to be on the show.
So that's your fault. Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, Oh, yeah, at the Tiger Belly show, there were like two girls, and one of them was like, hey, can I get a photo? And I was like, sure.

Speaker 2 And then her friend took the photo, and then she was like, do you want the photo? And the friend was like,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 George and his story. Okay.
George and his stories, huh?

Speaker 2 He wanted to add it.

Speaker 2 Let's just analyze what he just said here.

Speaker 2 You know what pissed off George the most about that? No, no, no. That pissed me off.
Yeah, go ahead. That pissed me off.
Yeah, it did. I know it did.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, we're holding cord, telling stories, right?

Speaker 2 And, you know, the whole time he was thinking, I think I got a story.

Speaker 2 Hey, I just wanted an excuse to get this camera on so that I get a little more screen time, a little more famous. With Andres not here, I think I have a chance to shine.

Speaker 2 By the way, that irked him so much. After the Tiger Belly show, Fancy walked outside.

Speaker 2 There was a cheering of Fancy, Fancy, Fancy, Fancy, Fancy, Fancy, Fancy, Fancy! Dude, it was huge. It must be easier to cheer than Pink Dick.
Like, it's just, it's much easier to cheer.

Speaker 2 Nobody cheered for George. George literally came out.
No one said anything. Fantastic.

Speaker 2 You know why, George? You do bullshit like this. I'm going to tell you something.
This is what he does. It's so gross.
We're at the Ace Theater.

Speaker 2 You know, the door is open

Speaker 2 at 7, right? Yeah. And so, you know, the lobby's flooded with Tiger Belly fans or whatever, merch line, whatever, right?

Speaker 2 This fuckface goes out there. And just kind of walks around.
Oh, you see. He wants to see.

Speaker 2 And he's like, oh, no, I just wanted to see what the merch was. What the merch was saying.
I just wanted to see what the merch was, you know?

Speaker 2 For fucking compliments. Yeah, you're fishing.
You're a little bitch, dude. You're fishing.
And it took a long time to get him, you know? I was walking.

Speaker 2 I was like, they wouldn't even let me to the front of the merch line. They were like, no, no, no, no, not you.
Get to the back. Get to the back.

Speaker 2 What compliments did you get?

Speaker 2 Hey, great job being in the background.

Speaker 2 That was a lot. That's his nice job.
Way to not talk most of the time.

Speaker 2 He gets the thrill. Because when they look at him, it registers.

Speaker 2 That's the guy. That's the guy.

Speaker 2 And that's what he gets off on. Right.

Speaker 2 Finally, you have respect. Sick, twisted fuck.
Fucking twisted. Fucking fuck.
Sick twisted fuck. Look at him.
Look at him. This is gross.
Rudy, I hope you get recognized more and more.

Speaker 2 And by the way, to the fans out there. Good story, though, George.

Speaker 2 When you see Rudy in the major metropolitan area of Los Angeles, please go up to her. Please take a photo.
She loves hugs.

Speaker 2 She loves that stuff. You love, and she wants to engage.
She doesn't want to just say hi. She wants to talk to you.
She wants to know what's going on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you do.

Speaker 1 Just wave, then go away.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, informal. You want something more proper.

Speaker 2 I think you should really let people open up to you. If you're going through a divorce or if your kid just went off to college, why don't you fucking tell her about it? Right.

Speaker 2 I think you should open up. Let people open up to you, Rudy.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
Thank you. Well, when you went back to the Philippines, did you hang out with your old friends? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did anybody in the Philippines know about the show?

Speaker 1 Yeah, some of them are really fans of the podcast and they like listen.

Speaker 2 In the Philippines? Wait, your friends do? Yeah. And they listen.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And they keep asking, when's the next podcast? I want to listen.
I'm excited.

Speaker 2 And do you feel good?

Speaker 2 Be honest. A little bit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Especially like when

Speaker 2 the other girl. So there's this other girl.
Can I explain? All right, there's another girl. So she lives from the Philippines, right? There's a girl that wants to be a social influencer.

Speaker 2 What's that called? Influencer. Influencer, right? And she's trying to get, you know what I mean? She wants to be famous.
Famous and this. But it's fun.
I love it when somebody doesn't want to. Rudy.

Speaker 2 Ra Rudy, right? And she just falls into it and wins the lottery. Yeah.
Right. And she, and if we, even if we told her, you're no longer on the podcast, she wouldn't care.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it doesn't matter at all. She would move on with her life.
Yeah. Doesn't want to be here now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's true. Doesn't want to be now.
She doesn't want you to be here now. Yeah, yeah.
But my point is, is that, so that must feel good a little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So the other girl, though, is she your competition? Like, do you guys have beef?

Speaker 2 no we're friends did you hang out with her yeah uh one time because she has to do like other influencer stuff well what are the influencer stuff what does that even mean

Speaker 2 like they have a meeting and then they like like promote stuff and then like they go and like take photo shoots and did they invite you to any of it no but you're more what you're you're you're bigger than who has who has more followers on instagram me Oh, and they didn't collaborate with you at all?

Speaker 2 No. No.
They had this opportunity? They don't know me. How many followers does she have? You were hanging out with them.
You were at the meeting. Right.
How many followers do you have?

Speaker 1 I think she has like 20.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You have over 100,000 followers.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's got to feel good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. How many followers do you have on Instagram?

Speaker 1 18 now. 18,000? Before the podcast.
I bought those more now.

Speaker 2 We're getting that. We're getting that.

Speaker 2 We got to get you to 50, man. Wow.
At least, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Rudy, I kind of want to look up the other girl even though.

Speaker 2 Just because I want to see how many she had. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I got recognized at the store last night during work from Bad Friends. Really? On Monday's episode.

Speaker 2 Fuck. What do they say?

Speaker 1 I was doing the whole like two drink. There's a two drink minimum.
I'm showing them to their seats. Then they go, wait, excuse me.

Speaker 1 You just aren't Bad Friends? And I go, yeah. And they were like, you were awesome.
We loved you on there. And it was really flattering and nice.
And then I had to go, oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 Anyway, there's no cell phone use.

Speaker 2 Photos or videos. That phase on love story made me cry.

Speaker 1 I saw you get emotional during that.

Speaker 2 I got emotional during that. Yeah, I showed it to you.

Speaker 2 Because he's from San Diego. And I've known him for a very, very long time.
And I just know his heart. He gave you $150.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's a good dude. That's a big fan.
We should have him on us. Love to have him on.
We should have phase on love on. Love to have him on.
Yeah, he's the best.

Speaker 2 That was a very sweet story.

Speaker 1 He's the man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was really embarrassed. It's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 And you shouldn't be, by the way.

Speaker 1 I know, but I learned, you know, you learn so much at the store. Like, it's a school.
And I felt like I should have just kept things light-hearted.

Speaker 1 But so so many people park in that lot, it gets you on edge because you know.

Speaker 2 So, is anybody parked in a lot where they are paid regular, but no, like they don't get spots and they act, they give you attitude?

Speaker 1 No, not really attitude. Most people who are parking there, like if like if uh someone comes for fallouts, they'll be like, Hey, is it okay if I left? Like, they make real good sure that they're okay.

Speaker 2 So, she's not gonna tell you. I know we're trying.
I'm not trying to keep fishing.

Speaker 1 I know. People come in that are customers, or they're like on a development show.
One guy, I'll tell you a story.

Speaker 2 Okay, right, good, good, good. This is what we want.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, there was a show in the belly room, and it was an independent show, so it's not paid regulars. Yeah, and they're allowed one car per show.

Speaker 1 Well, someone rolled in on a motorcycle, and they had one car.

Speaker 1 And so, at first, I told him you can't park here, but since it was the bike, and he was saying, you know, it's small, can't I just put it up here? I said, okay, yeah, you can put it up.

Speaker 2 That seems reasonable. It's just a motorcycle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he was, you know, at first, he was kind of upset. He was like, you know, I've parked here before, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 2 Don't give attitude, but not a lot of attitude.

Speaker 1 And he ended up saying, yeah, it's fine. Just park up there.
So he parked the bike and then came up and then went to his friend.

Speaker 1 And, you know, if you guys, he's talking to his friend where you guys are. And I'm sitting, I'm standing right here in the lot.
And he starts speaking in Spanish.

Speaker 1 And he then points to me and says, Puta.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I don't speak Spanish, but I know what that is.

Speaker 2 I know, bitch. Yeah.
Well, I need to know.

Speaker 2 Who the fuck is is this? Who the fuck is this guy fucker? But then I. What? So, like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey. Who the fuck is that?

Speaker 2 We'll make a deal, all right? Maybe he's not. We will bleep the name out.
We will bleep the name.

Speaker 1 I don't even know his name.

Speaker 2 Yes, you do.

Speaker 1 I don't know the guy.

Speaker 1 I could find out. Yeah.
But I was like, why was this a guy I want to even know?

Speaker 2 That's a great mindset. Why the fuck was he? She's lying.
Because she's playing political fucking shit.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, she doesn't know who he is. He's probably.
You don't know his name?

Speaker 1 I really don't know his name, but I told her.

Speaker 2 She was on a book show that she has no idea. So let's investigate it.
He has a bike. I'm going to figure it out.
Off the air, we're going to figure it out. No, I'm going to figure it out now.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, yeah, I'm going to figure it out now. He's on a fucking bike.

Speaker 1 Didn't tip me either.

Speaker 2 Right, he didn't tip. Right.
He was on

Speaker 2 friends and family or some sort of night show.

Speaker 1 Belly Roomed. A belly room.

Speaker 2 What show was it?

Speaker 1 It was,

Speaker 1 well, see, that's why, because it was like,

Speaker 1 it was the Spanish show, which was cool, so I don't want to dog on the show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so wait, what night is that?

Speaker 2 It was a one-off. That's what you do.
You call Francisco Ramos. Yeah, and that was good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love Francisco. So I know why.

Speaker 2 Who rides a motorcycle?

Speaker 2 Listen, listen. I don't know who rides a motorcycle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on,

Speaker 1 all right. But everybody said that guy's cool.
He shouldn't have talked to you like that.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 1 So maybe he was just having a bad day, but and there is a small chance he wasn't calling that to me, but the timing of it was like he mostly.

Speaker 2 I just want to have a message. I want to have a message right now.
This person's watching right now. Right? I'm telling you right now.
They're not.

Speaker 1 They're not. I don't want to make enemies with this guy on the motorcycle.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you never know what he could do. Yeah, so we're not going to see his name ever.
I'm not even going to push it. I won't know his name.
But listen here, Chunchicho. But listen here, Chichi Cho.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 If you ever do that again, we have a very big problem. Very big problem.
And if you have a war with her, you have a war with us. You got a war with us? Right.

Speaker 2 And you may think, who gives a fuck this and that? You know, it's funny

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what's funny can I tell you what's funny it's funny what's funny is when we did the live here right yeah our buddy Bart's doing it right love him Bart Bart and I talked to Bart and I was like when we meet we met in 1998 he said 23 years ago yeah yeah whatever right and I and I a lot of my relationships right go way back they're deep deep historical relationships and I've done a lot of favors and I have a lot of really positive relationships with people and it's just a phone call, motorcycle man.

Speaker 2 Motorcycle man, it literally is just a phone call.

Speaker 2 I wasn't.

Speaker 2 I'm not done.

Speaker 2 See, this is why I don't tell you.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying, you know, I can go, hey, Dave Becky, or whatever. You know, I'm not throwing names out there, but

Speaker 2 anybody. I just did.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? But anybody. One of the biggest managers in the world.
You can call it a man. Motorcycle man is a piece of shit.

Speaker 2 Anybody's picking up your right, right? Hey, you know, any comedy club. And let's go.
Hey, Stroop from Columbus. Yep.
Yup.

Speaker 2 I could go to specific markets.

Speaker 2 Right? We could hurt you regionally. Regionally.

Speaker 2 You want me to go regional? I can go to Ohio, right? Ohio alone. Yo, Stroop, this guy, piece of shit.

Speaker 2 Nope. Over.
Over. Hey,

Speaker 2 Bachkoff. Batchkoff.
You know Batchkoff, right? He owns all of the improvs in Florida. This guy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What if you found out he was like one of these really good friends you've known for like 25 years?

Speaker 2 It could could be. It can't be.
No, there's no way.

Speaker 2 Because any of my true friend would not call anyone a puta.

Speaker 1 Yay.

Speaker 2 Right? Just for moments.

Speaker 1 But how funny would it also be? Because I thought about this too. If he was like, he had a really bad day and he was talking about someone at the grocery store and I would just stand here right there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That could be.
That could be. Let's put an asterisk at the bottom of that.
Yeah, I gotta address it. That's why we're not saying his name and that's why I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 If you did say it about her. Yeah, yeah.
That there are relationships that, you know what I mean? That you're going to. If you were saying it about someone at the grocery store, carry on, carry on.

Speaker 2 That's fine, yeah. You're allowed to get away with that.
I'm giving you a pass on this, you're getting a pass. You know, people, right, too, right? Oh, yeah, you know some people, dude.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess I know who you know.

Speaker 1 And that was the same night Faison came in, and there were like other customers trying to park on the ramp. So that whole night was just like

Speaker 1 nobody's fucking with me tonight.

Speaker 2 And then Faison came in.

Speaker 2 Oh, see what you started, motorcycle man.

Speaker 2 Oh, God, you're going to get me fucking riled up here, baby. Motorcycle man is just

Speaker 2 found himself in a bad place. Yeah.
And you know what?

Speaker 2 For the future,

Speaker 2 if anybody does go into the comedy store lot and you decide that you're going to be a meanie weenie and you enter the fucking gates of hell with Juicy, you got to answer to the Bad Friends fam.

Speaker 1 I'm going to call Rudy. She's going to slash their tires.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she will. This crazy bitch, we should put her in the parking lot with a knife and just stab people's tires.
She'll do it. You will, won't you? I'll do it.
Yeah, she doesn't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 I also want to encourage you, right? So you did the Korean soap opera sketch we did at the last. You liked that, right? It was so good.

Speaker 2 Is it available for people to see? No, we're going to, because we're going to use it for the other lives. So good.
It's so good. But your acting in it was really good.
Can we support you in that?

Speaker 2 Why don't you want to do stuff like that? Because

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 Why is it embarrassing?

Speaker 1 I don't know, because people are going to watch it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but were you embarrassed that night when they played it in front of 1,600 people? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No. I saw your smile.

Speaker 2 I saw your smile. She was texting next to the referee jersey backstage smiling.
Yeah. You were smiling and you were having a great time.
Yeah, you were. And you were wallowing in it.
I guess.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you were. I feel like wallowing is negative.
You were. Oh, you were swimming in it.
You were swimming in it. You were

Speaker 2 swallowing in it. You were wallowing.
You were swallowing it. You were swallowing it.
You swallowed all of it. All that happiness, you swallowed.
You put it right in your mouth. Yeah, you loved it.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And honestly, it made you look good in front of your boyfriend.

Speaker 1 No, I made him not watch it.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he saw you on stage, did he not? Yeah. And he saw the cheers.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's so cool. He gives you the advantage.

Speaker 2 He gives you the power dynamic.

Speaker 2 You've got to make sure you get a prenup because you're powerful. Yeah, yeah.
You're the richest. He can't boss you around.
No. And I hugged him that night.
I whispered stuff in his ears.

Speaker 2 You know that light. Yeah.
Yeah, I should watch it.

Speaker 2 I think we should continue to act. In fact, what we should do, because Juice wants to act too, we should do a fucking, we should do a Bad Friends

Speaker 2 acting

Speaker 2 debut show. Yeah, we should debut an acting show.
We should do a real drama, a drama, a bad friend.

Speaker 2 You're good at drama? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, but it'll be funny though, right?

Speaker 1 Like will be dramatic.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 I mean, I kind of want to do a drama. All right, how about this? If you're good at drama,

Speaker 2 I want you to break up with Bobby right now. Like it's a real drama scene.
Like you found out what was really going on and you're breaking up with Bobby.

Speaker 2 You found out that he doesn't love you and and he told everybody in your friendship circle.

Speaker 2 So, we were dating? How long were we dating?

Speaker 2 30 years.

Speaker 2 40 years? 30 years?

Speaker 2 How? No, you dated for four years. Four years.
Okay, my bad. And you found out from your group of friends that he's been saying how bad he wants out, and he just can't do it anymore.

Speaker 2 He also might be in love with someone else. Can I be a different guy, though? No, it's you.
All right, but can I have a different voice? You can do anything you want. Hey, baby, that's great.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Hey, Juicy, what's up?

Speaker 1 Bobby, Bobby, we need to talk.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 what are we doing now, baby? What's up?

Speaker 2 We're talking now, right, baby? I mean. Who are you looking at? I'm not here.
Oh, yeah, you're the director. I know, but you don't want to be in the middle of a shoot when I act.
Cameras are up.

Speaker 2 Let's just get the director's scene. No, don't actor.
See if I'm doing it right. Don't look at the fucking director.
See if I'm doing it right. See, actually, the good director.

Speaker 2 Hold on, I got a pants, hold on. This guy, now he's got a plant.
See? But Juice is already prepared. You see how deep she's already in? Yeah, I'm in it.
Hey, hey, any notes for me, director?

Speaker 2 Yeah, stop fucking looking at it. Oh, my bad, my bad.
Let's do the scene. Where's my mark, right here? Yeah, you're on it.
You don't have to move anywhere. You're sitting down.
I'm sorry, my bad.

Speaker 2 All right, ready? All right. And action.

Speaker 1 Bobby, we need to talk.

Speaker 2 Okay, baby. What's up, Juicy?

Speaker 2 What are we doing now?

Speaker 2 Cut. Stop fucking looking at the director.
I get it. Look at your scene quietly.
This is my first job, man. Okay, it's all right.
It's fine. So, what you're saying, not to look at you? Never.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Never. After I say action, only look at it.

Speaker 1 How do you expect me to work with it? I understand it.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry, Miss Juicy. I'm so sorry.
Miss Juicy. All right.
Don't look at me. I won't even look at you at all.
Where's the camera at? Right there?

Speaker 2 No, I'm not going to tell you where the fucking camera is because then you're going to look at the camera. Uh-oh-oh.
That's the camera right there. I'll just look at the camera.
No, no, no. At her.

Speaker 2 Only at her. Only look at her.
And action.

Speaker 1 Bobby, we need to talk.

Speaker 2 Hey, Juicy, what's up? That's what I thought we were doing right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's serious.

Speaker 1 I went through your cell phone.

Speaker 2 Yeah, hey, bitch, I told you not to. Is that the right line? Line?

Speaker 1 It is, bitch, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's, hey, bitch, I told you not to go through my shit. Okay, hey, bitch, I told you not to go through my shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, it's too late for that.

Speaker 1 I saw all those pictures.

Speaker 1 I saw those fingers in your asshole.

Speaker 1 Do you want to tell me

Speaker 1 whose fingers those were?

Speaker 2 Uh-uh.

Speaker 2 Uh.

Speaker 2 They're my fingers, baby. What's up?

Speaker 1 No, both your hands were also in the picture. You were doing this.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right. Shit, you caught me.
My bad. I was doing like this because I was doing a home alone.
I was doing a home alone fucking thing, man. Like, oops.

Speaker 1 Which I thought was our thing.

Speaker 2 That was our thing. My bad.
You know who that was? No, that's what I was saying. I'm telling you, it was my mom.

Speaker 2 All right. We got

Speaker 2 a land. No, because I have bumpies down there.

Speaker 2 You know, my mom's a doctor, right?

Speaker 1 You never told me your mom is a doctor.

Speaker 2 She's not.

Speaker 2 What is the matter? What's the line? What's the line?

Speaker 2 What are you trying to break up or something? No, what was my mom do you trying to break? What did my mom do in the fucking unscript? What does my mom do? Huh?

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh, your mom. Oh, because your mom says you got to break up with this white bitch.
Oh, yeah. So, my mom, my mom says, I got to break up with this white bitch.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's the first thing your mom's ever said that I agree with.

Speaker 2 Is why cry? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it's over? So it's over?

Speaker 1 Say goodbye to these.

Speaker 2 Pretty good. Really good.
Really good. Really, really, really good.
What about mine, huh? Not really good. Not good? Not good.
Yeah, I think I've made the wrong choice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you made a lot of bad choices.

Speaker 1 You made a lot of bad choices. You made me look good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you look good. You shine.

Speaker 1 It's all Bobby.

Speaker 2 That shines so heavily. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wait, I have a question.

Speaker 1 When you were my age and you were pooing,

Speaker 1 does your asshole bleed a lot?

Speaker 2 Let it sink in.

Speaker 2 Just let that sink in.

Speaker 2 Alright, no, I'm going to answer this without being funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just let it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just let it... Let a moment.

Speaker 1 My asshole has been bleeding a lot.

Speaker 2 We get what you said. And I haven't done analog.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And you haven't done anal. No.
Right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Doctor?

Speaker 2 Yeah, doctor.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
Let me ask you.

Speaker 2 Are you pushing?

Speaker 1 No. I even wait until it just drops.

Speaker 2 You wait until it comes out and it's you eating those baby birds? Yeah, the balut? The balut?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So you probably have hemorrhoids? No.

Speaker 1 But it's just bleeding.

Speaker 2 Your ass is just bleeding. Yeah.
Like, right now, is it maybe blood? Maybe. Wow.

Speaker 2 Are you being real?

Speaker 2 No, honestly. Yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2 So basically, is it like... Rudy's dying.
Is it like the shining where you poo and then it's like the elevator? Blood. Blood poop.
Let's see.

Speaker 2 What does it mean when you just blah? It's usually hemorrhoids. I don't want to.

Speaker 1 But you haven't gone to a doctor? No.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, my next question is, how come?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 we're doctors.

Speaker 2 Why don't you go?

Speaker 1 I'm so tired.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Rectal bleeding is a symptom of conditions like hemorrhoids, I said it, fissures, inflammatory bowel disease.
You could have IPD, ulcers, and,

Speaker 2 well, the last one's cancer. You may notice rectal bleeding on toilet paper, in the water, the toilet, or in your stool.
Is it everywhere? All three of those? The trifecta?

Speaker 1 No, just a

Speaker 2 paper. Just on the toilet paper.

Speaker 1 Maybe we do a bad friend's trip to the doctor.

Speaker 2 I think I'd like to be cool. I think we should do that.

Speaker 1 Make it a real event.

Speaker 2 Are you wiping too hard? No. Okay.
I'm not a doctor. That was probably a dumb question.
No, that's not a dumb question. You can wipe too hard and cause it to tear.
You can?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can try it out and tear it up.

Speaker 2 We got to get this taken care of, man. Yeah, we got to fix this.
I thought you were kidding around. You're not kidding around? No.
I keep telling you. Oh, fuck.
Man. It's my fault.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're a bad dad. I'm a bad dad.
No, we got to get this fucking taken care of. I thought you were saying as a joke, like, I have

Speaker 2 a bloody butthog. We thought you had maybe, you know, a little bit of diarrhea once in a while, which is normal.
Yeah. You're having it all the time.
yeah

Speaker 1 yeah you have IBD diarrhea or constipation

Speaker 2 yeah one or the other right they kind of go hand in hand yeah they're cousins all right well we got to take you to a doctor yeah I guess we have to fucking go to a doctor but we we also can do it use it in the show so we'll do it you're right juicy yeah we're gonna go we'll take a bad friend's trip to the doctor yeah you'll feel better if if they go with you yeah but the camera shouldn't be on my

Speaker 2 ass. No shit.

Speaker 2 It would help the show. Yeah, it'd be good for the show.
Yeah. We can animate it.
But Juicy will be in there with you, so it'll be a woman in there with you. That'll make you feel safe.

Speaker 2 I'll be holding the camera. She'll be holding the camera.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend. Let's let Juice do it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Go ahead, Juice. Can we do it together? Yeah, do it together.
Okay, okay. This one? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Timing was bad. Let's do it again.
One, two, three.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Love it.

Speaker 2 Do it with

Speaker 2 I don't know how do a woody allen. No, I wasn't that's why I stopped because I couldn't do one first of all.
Hi

Speaker 2 there it is. Yeah.
I don't know. I just my bad.
Woody? Woody. It's me, Sunyi.

Speaker 2 Sunye, can you um come with your bed?

Speaker 2 Because I don't know if you should suck my dad. I don't know if you stuck my dead.
That's a really good woody allen.