Andrew Schulz Knows Rudy is a Spy

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See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 How you doing, buddy? Come listen. How you doing, man?

Speaker 1 Good to see you. Hi.
Hi.

Speaker 1 Nice to meet you, too.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. Dude, you look different.
Yeah. I'm next levels.
You look next levels. I'm Italian.

Speaker 1 He goes to Italy, gets more Italiano.

Speaker 1 First of all, I know what I see on your wrist, Schultz. What is that? I know what it is.
It's a little something, bro. What is it? A little something.
Bobby doesn't know about watches.

Speaker 1 It's a business, Bobby. What is it? Is it a fancy watch?

Speaker 1 God is. Yeah, how much? None of your business.
It's more than your car.

Speaker 1 Well, I see diamonds on it. No diamonds.
No diamonds. Silver diamonds.
Yeah, but

Speaker 1 it's like shiny. It is shiny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What makes it shiny? The silver? Yeah.
Let me ask you you a question

Speaker 1 Let me ask you a question

Speaker 1 Let me ask you questions about it, right? Because I don't know much about it, right? Neither do I I'm a fraud. All right, so

Speaker 1 is it stainless steel? It's steel, yeah, it's a stainless steel because that's the good stuff, right? No, no, they love they want it to stain now. Oh, they do? Yeah, stained steel.

Speaker 1 All right, everybody likes stained steel. All right, does it have a does it do it does it multiple does it do multi-purpose stuff? Like, for instance, time is one thing.

Speaker 1 Obviously, it does that, right? Yeah, Yeah, yeah, it does.

Speaker 1 One thing it does do is

Speaker 1 also some of the, it, like, follows the solasses. Follows the solstices.

Speaker 1 Right? Does it do that? No.

Speaker 1 Is it waterproof? Yeah. Oh, that's a very good one.
Yeah. Does it do date, obviously? You got to tell me your name again.
I'm Rudy. Rudy.
It's nice to meet you. Rudy Jules.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is Andrew Schultz. Wait, your name is really Rudy Jules? No, it's Jules, but

Speaker 1 I made it up because Rudy Giuliani. Little Jules.
Little Jules. Queen of New York.
This is the king of New York you're meeting right here. Say, God bless.
Good to meet you. Good to meet you.

Speaker 1 It's the king of New York. It's king of fucking New York right there.
I thought I would be really short. She's king of fucking New York, and you're not even.

Speaker 1 What? What did you say? I thought you were talking about that. Because she saw you on TikTok.
Okay, so she thought he'd be short? Yeah, because I saw him on TikTok. How tall are you?

Speaker 1 I have a short upper body. Torso? How tall are you, Schultz? 6'2.
So we're similar in height. People will say to me when they see me live, oh, I thought you'd be shorter.

Speaker 1 Because I think tall people don't look tall on. Are you all legs or do you have torso? I'm pretty leggy.
Yeah, me too. Dad's pretty leggy.
When we sit down, we look small. Yeah, I look at it.

Speaker 1 Me and him. I'm almost as you know, me and the marshmallows.
I get to research the marshmallows. I get reverse.
When people take a look at the ball, toasted marshmallow. Sorry.

Speaker 1 When people go, we thought you'd be much taller. Yeah.
Bobby, we haven't spoken since. Since what? Since your whole thing.
Since you're free.

Speaker 1 You know, because she is the niece.

Speaker 1 She doesn't give a fuck. So we gotta, we gotta.
Are you a spy? Yeah, she's a

Speaker 1 fucking.

Speaker 1 I'm not.

Speaker 1 You can't get away.

Speaker 1 But what's wrong with you? You keep inviting them behind enemy lines. I know, dude.
That's right. Get her out of here.
I know, I know. I was thinking maybe she shouldn't be here.

Speaker 1 But don't think, dude. I know, but think it's a good idea.
It took you 15 years to get out of that relationship. I know, I know.
Yeah, but you know what?

Speaker 1 This is his tactic. What is it? He keeps the enemies close.

Speaker 1 So he can lose? You don't know his plan.

Speaker 1 What is his plan? He doesn't want to lose some. He wants to lose all of them.
By the way, So Korean. Just keep him up north.
Like, have them be our neighbors. Keep him next door.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He lives downstairs. They live upstairs.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 So we live in the same place.

Speaker 1 Are you guys still in that same place? Yeah, in the same hill place. She's also, we sleep on the same bed.
What?

Speaker 1 This is, but, but. It's a double.
It's pushed together. They just separated.
No, it's no, no. We sleep on the same bed.
What I do is I have a long pillow. Yeah.
And I just put it between us. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
What does that do? Oh, a long pillow. Oh, my God.
I thought you were saying like an Asian sound. Yeah, long long pillow.
Yeah, a long pillow.

Speaker 1 Did I say long pillow? Yeah, I thought it was like long pillow. I said long pillow.
I was spelling it L-U-O-N-G. Oh, long pillow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, from the makers of long pillow comes long pillows. Long pillow.
Yeah, yeah. She really just is here to judge, right? Like, she's just looking at you and making sure you're sad.

Speaker 1 I mean, I didn't think that we would talk about it.

Speaker 1 I mean, he's almost free. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? But you guys still live in the same place. Why can't you guys be best friends?

Speaker 1 Imagine you guys would be best friends and you have your own places. And she can do her thing.
That's it. And you can do your thing.
She is going to.

Speaker 1 Is that the plan? I think so. You don't know.

Speaker 1 You don't think so. I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 1 You're part of the plan.

Speaker 1 Are you part of the plan?

Speaker 1 Has she talked to you about it? Maybe. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 She only knows. She can't smell a rat.
She's six words. She only six words.
You can't smell a rat. No, I know.
I see her there. Look at how she's sitting.
Of course. Little red.
Little red paste.

Speaker 1 She's sitting in eyes. Where's the new place going to be?

Speaker 1 She got more Asian as time went on now on the show. I think what it is, can I be honest with you? Please.
I think she thinks that you're cute.

Speaker 1 Just hear me out. Okay.
That's a theory, right? Yeah. And she's...
Listen.

Speaker 1 Look at this. And she's a little intimidated by you, I think.
Look at that right there. That's it.
No, his

Speaker 1 all-man. What? He's what? Just see it.
He's a comic. He can handle it.
His nose is too big. His nose is too big.
That's true. It's cartoony.
Yeah, yeah, that's

Speaker 1 yeah yeah it just covers your whole face I can't see your eyes yeah yeah wait a minute hold on a second you said it covers my whole face you can't see my eyes so you you like people with big eyes

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 I just want someone that has equal

Speaker 1 don't say parts proportion you guys are portion of the biggest eyes yeah

Speaker 1 don't say you're into big eyes

Speaker 1 you're into slightly less than white eyes

Speaker 1 and if we're looking at each other I have much bigger eyes

Speaker 1 let me see Rudy look at me with big eyes go big eyes Schultz big eyes I mean I can I'm here and I'm bigger yeah it's

Speaker 1 double yeah

Speaker 1 I'm double big eye me Rudy look at this look at this yeah no that's still him

Speaker 1 yeah no yeah don't be irritated like your face is like this like

Speaker 1 chill out like

Speaker 1 yeah get it get it get out get her get her no but like what's the this is fun I like this this is you can't have fun if there's someone in a corner like

Speaker 1 yeah yeah that's her natural are you like is it like ick are you like into the ick is that your thing no it's just my face i don't know it's your voice too yeah

Speaker 1 it's the whole thing and it needs to fucking stop why

Speaker 1 teacher it's too much you teach her like how long has she been in america what's the deal like three years she's been in america you're new she's new american brand new yeah she doesn't know the rules she doesn't know the rules

Speaker 1 she doesn't know how to walk talk do her face thing the american face thing yeah yeah. So everything is like bright here.
Do the American face thing, Rob? But like, even stay, can you pause like that?

Speaker 1 Stay like that. I'm going to show you what you look like looking at me.
Okay. And then I want you to assess the comfort of the people that see.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That'd be fun. That's funny.
I'm just looking, just like that. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm not. What I'm going to do is go.
Ready?

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
So this is what I've been looking at since I got here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So I'm already already feeling like you're like,

Speaker 1 but I'm not judging you. You said the big no.
Even the tonation, even the tonation.

Speaker 1 We're going to teach you everything. I'm not judging you.
Andrew's a stone. Yeah, it's like this.
I'm not judging you. I'm not judging you.
She can't do that.

Speaker 1 She smiled. It's your voice that's holding you back.
It's hard. No, no, it's not hard.
You're in America now. Everything's easy.
You just go like this. You go like this.
You sit back, you relax.

Speaker 1 Do your legs like him. Can you put your legs down? Put your legs down.
Do your legs like him. Can you cross your legs? There you go.
That's good. That's good.
Bring the mic a little bit closer.

Speaker 1 Look how you're smiling already. Right?

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 how do you feel about the Jews?

Speaker 1 Their noses are so big.

Speaker 1 But I thought you were that Jew. No, I'm not.
Yeah, so it's fine to say your nose is big. Oh, I love it.

Speaker 1 I love it. Very smart.
Very smart

Speaker 1 comes around.

Speaker 1 I actually appreciate the honesty. When you were in the bathroom,

Speaker 1 he thought you were Jewish. I said, you're not fucking Jewish.
No. No.
He's German, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Other side.
Prussian. Yeah.
Probably.

Speaker 1 They're probably Jewish. Maybe.
Maybe. You know, my family moved to Chicago.
What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not in New York. Nobody's in New York.
No, no. My family moved from Prussia to Chicago.
Precious Russia. Now it's Germany.
Right.

Speaker 1 Precious Russia. Yes.
That's where they make precious dolls, you know, little precious dolls? 100%.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then from Chicago to New York.

Speaker 1 Oh, uh-oh, okay, got it. So back in the day, there's some speculation.
You moved there and you're like, uh-oh, it might not be the best to be Jewish. I'm Catholic.
Right. Is there a history?

Speaker 1 We would have kicked you out that had our way with you, pal.

Speaker 1 Keep moving along, bud. Is there an uncle or grandfather that was funny in your family that you kind of take after? I think my dad was funny.
What are you doing? That was a really good question.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm just trying to get in here.
Are you on a tonight show?

Speaker 1 And is there anything in your past, anyone from your past, that people remind you, you know, your family members remind them of? Love you. What the fuck are you doing, man?

Speaker 1 Even when you're asking questions, it's about you.

Speaker 1 It's always goes right back to him. Why? Because the way I did it.
Yeah. And now trying to look at me, look at me.
No, because the way you did it is going to make me make fun of you for doing it.

Speaker 1 And then you can be like, what's going on?

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 It's called setup.

Speaker 1 Here's a good setup. It's a good setup.
You're good. This is an entertainment.
You're good. This is an entertainment party.
Buy a new apartment.

Speaker 1 House. Get a new apartment.
I bought the house. For her.

Speaker 1 I will.

Speaker 1 And her. Yeah, a house.
Is that wrong? Why is that wrong? No, true. True.
Don't you think that's a good idea? All right, let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 He wouldn't be living in the house. She would appreciate that.
Yeah. You don't think that she would appreciate that? She would love that.
Okay, let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 It's not like you guys did much decorating it. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like she's.

Speaker 1 You haven't been upstairs. You don't know what the fuck my house is.
But I saw the Legoland in the bottom. Yeah, the Lego land.
I don't need to go past that. I saw it, right? I saw the bottom.

Speaker 1 You get the gist of it. I got the gist of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I walked up the Japanese game show to get to your fucking house.
Yeah, right?

Speaker 1 All you need to do is put Vaseline on that driveway and have a bunch of fucking Japanese people try to make it to the game. It is a Japanese game.
And it's a Japanese game show.

Speaker 1 And the crowd loves it when they break their neck.

Speaker 1 They are the best at game shows. The best.
They've mastered

Speaker 1 game shows.

Speaker 1 You don't win unless you get hurt. You have to get really, really fucking hurt.
Isn't there one where they like jerk you off while you sing? Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Is there one? Karaoke and they jerk you off. One of the best ones I ever saw was they had a pota potty on the side of a ski hill.

Speaker 1 So people, and they just were taking a shit, and they would just lift up the top, and everyone would be like, oh,

Speaker 1 and then they would be on skis and they push them down the hill on fucking shitter all the way down the hill. They're the best.
It's unbelievable. Oh, look at this.

Speaker 1 The Japanese game show has women jerking off men while they sing karaoke. Oh, that's great.
Wow.

Speaker 1 What are the two things Asians love? What? Happy-ending karaoke. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They've mastered it.

Speaker 1 That was the pitch, by the way.

Speaker 1 Look at this guy's fucking face frame. How awesome that is.

Speaker 1 So he's got to finish the song before he finishes. That's got to be the pitch.
Finish the song before she finishes you. It's called.
Oh, my God. What a great.
And that's on television? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's amazing. The best.

Speaker 1 This is the best. Let's just see.
I'm sorry. One of the girls wearing a mask, though.
Shout out to her for really staying safe during this whole thing. Well, that's from, you know,

Speaker 1 for the

Speaker 1 shots for the stuff you know the errand shot

Speaker 1 if she knows what she's doing yeah let me ask you guys something what do if i i'm not interested in meeting anybody else but if i were to meet somebody else yes he is what do i need to do because would you and khalila ever role play as like neighbors Oh, we do.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, I'm going to get you an Airbnb for a later.
And, like, no, I'm in charge. And then, like, I'm a 16-year-old kid, and she's a camp counselor.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she's like, this is your room. And this is the log cabin you're going to be in.
Yeah. I'll go, oh, really? Thank you, Mrs.
Q. And I, you know, yeah,

Speaker 1 I've never been to camp before, and she's like, She's like, Lay on your back, I'm going to show you something, right? And I'm just like,

Speaker 1 I'm not tired, I just got here in the morning, right? And she, and she's just been saying, get on your back. So, so I lay on my back, and she's like, you know, you've been a bad boy.

Speaker 1 I go, I just got here. I just, you know, I've never been on a left.
But had you been a bad boy? I've been a bad boy.

Speaker 1 And then she pulls the penis out, right? And I'm like, are you going to tell me my mommy or my dad? She's not going to tell your mommy. And she's like, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 And then when she sticks it in, when I stick it inside her, right? When she's six at a time. She's a great actress.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she looks at me. She's like, you like that? And I'm pretty good.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I'm like, I can't believe I'm doing this right now. Yeah.
Oh, it's so good. Yeah.
What do you think?

Speaker 1 I think it's disgusting.

Speaker 1 It's fucking gross. Well, you don't do roleplay? Not pretending to be a 16-year-old camper.
My pumpkin is 16 in.

Speaker 1 I was a 19-year-old, you know what I I mean? But basically. At camp? At camp.
Still at camp. Yeah, still at camp.

Speaker 1 I was a counselor. Can I just redo it for you? Yeah, you're both counselors.
That's better. Yeah, we're both counselors.

Speaker 1 All the kids went to bed.

Speaker 1 You're just fucking in the woods. Is this better? Well, now I can't share the other ones.
This makes more sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't share the other ones. No, you can share the other ones.

Speaker 1 You can. What are the other ones?

Speaker 1 Were they bad like that?

Speaker 1 They're worse. I can't even.
You don't roleplay? Huh? I like your wife, by the way. No, I don't roleplay.
But I like her. Thank you.
I met her in Bontreal. Do you remember? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's a sweet girl. I remember.
She likes you. She thinks you're very funny.
Yeah, but did she think I'm a good guy?

Speaker 1 No. No.

Speaker 1 No. She didn't think you did anything to be a good guy.
Yeah, yeah, but you think I'm a funny guy. All right.
She thought you were a funny guy. Funny guy is.
What a funny guy is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what you demonstrated. But you are a funny guy.
There's a lot of funny. I'm a naturally funny guy.
Are you going to bring girls over?

Speaker 1 I mean, I just.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Why are you pointing at that? Andrew, I'm going to be completely fucking honest with you, okay? When you set up up the mic for her every episode, are you like, why?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 but that's on the screen. But that's been like two years of that.
Two years of that. It's been two years of that.

Speaker 1 She's smiling. Smile at me.
She's feeling a little bit better. So I'm going to tell you something right now.
She's my favorite. And I'm going to tell you this too, Andrew, okay? Yeah.
All right.

Speaker 1 And this is, and don't make a joke. Let me talk first.

Speaker 1 No. Then you do your little clever New York stylings of comedy.

Speaker 1 All right, your little stylings.

Speaker 1 You do. You do your New York.
You do your New style of comedy like Kras and God Chen. Here's a clever thing.
Don't fucking do that, alright? Let's hear it. And I've been around your kind before, bro.

Speaker 1 Back in there, Geraldo and Norton, all those fucking vons. I've been around it, dude.
You young generation, you can't treat me like this. But here we go.

Speaker 1 Look at me right now, you BDI fuck.

Speaker 1 You don't impress me, by the way.

Speaker 1 You're one of the best guys, and you're killing it, this and that. You'll never scare me.
This is not even close to as intimidating.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm about to say

Speaker 1 yep when when you walked up to me yeah and pulled out your penis when the what do you mean when when the time Okay, don't act like this is a thing with me and you okay go don't act like this is a thing new discovery

Speaker 1 once and you know you did it once yeah yeah okay go ahead and now we're acting like we cut it every time

Speaker 1 all right go ahead so let me just can I just finish okay go ahead you told me not to interrupt you but when you stood up and started adjusting your penis,

Speaker 1 I actually got PTSD and I felt very intimidated. You're traumatized.
Not trauma. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not trauma. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Trauma.

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's.

Speaker 1 Back home? Yep. Right.
Home. Out of it.
Home?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I joke. She is out of trauma.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's okay.

Speaker 1 But you came up and you were doing the thing where you were like really whipping it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it was an odd thing, man. I know, but what was the thing you were going to say when you stood up? What's this whole fucking charade you put on and then quit? I was.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do it. We'll do it.
But I want to talk about the fucking whipping of the dick. No, just do the thing.

Speaker 1 All right, let's see the thing. Can we do the thing? No, I can't do the thing because Jules there.
There's no way I'm going to do the whipping of the dick. Just say what you were going to say.

Speaker 1 Asshole.

Speaker 1 What was the thing you were going to do when you stood up? And you've seen it, right? Are you old enough? How old is she? She's 15 years old. She's 15.

Speaker 1 We went different directs.

Speaker 1 We went different directs. It's comfortable.
She's 42. I went 15.
No, she's here. She's 20.
She's 20. She'll be 21.
She's a year old. She'll be 21.
This,

Speaker 1 what? November. November, right? Yeah, okay.
Yeah, okay, good, good, good.

Speaker 1 So here's the deal, both of you, all right?

Speaker 1 So number one, I literally, I honestly believe I'll never date another girl again. Oh, shut the fuck.
All right. Go ahead.
That's what I'm talking about. And that's not friendship.
I said I'll stop.

Speaker 1 But you did it. Okay, so do it again.
All right. So

Speaker 1 this is what I'm telling you my heart and my truth. Okay.
All right. I honestly believe I never want to date a.

Speaker 1 I was thinking we were going to be a drink. You just do it so Asian.
You're like,

Speaker 1 you think we're not going to make fun of you? This is the whole thing. Yeah.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Can we do this? We'll do it once without. Do one.
I don't want to fucking.

Speaker 1 Come on. Tell us your life.
Fuck the fuck up, man. You Spanish fuck.
Don't even fucking. Go get it.
You fuck you, man. Go, go.
No, I want to say this. You're not fighting any more girls.
No,

Speaker 1 I want to

Speaker 1 give a second of honesty and authenticity. Okay.
Right? Without being mocked, man. You got it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 All right, well,

Speaker 1 let's not do it.

Speaker 1 Don't be so emotional. Don't fucking do it.
Don't fucking do it. Just say it.

Speaker 1 You're actually so silly, Dan. Fuck you.
You're not allowed to make me laugh and then be upset that I'm laughing. Yeah, but you're not allowed to fuck you.
Fuck you. You're right.
This is great.

Speaker 1 My bad. I feel like I'm fucking in the middle of just the best little fire story.
Yeah, my bad. All right, so finish.
You're never gonna date another girl.

Speaker 1 I honestly believe that I'm never gonna date another girl again.

Speaker 1 I believe that too. Why is that a big fucking deal? Nobody thinks you're dating again, dude.
Okay, number two. She put her niece here.

Speaker 1 Tito Bobby was just checking another girl. You just tried to speak English.

Speaker 1 Did you even try to repair? What the fuck just happened? Tito Bobby was what? What? Tito Bobby was checking a girl out when we were in San Diego. Who was the girl? Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Who is the girl? Hello. He doesn't know.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Hello. Who is the girl?

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Speaker 1 And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Oh, Bobby! There was a white girl who had really big buttons

Speaker 1 and fat tits. No, that's how you know you.
Duck.

Speaker 1 You're doing it. You were doing it.
You were doing it. Who what? Nancy Pelosi? Who was it? Was it?

Speaker 1 Was it Nancy Pelosi?

Speaker 1 She was an 80. Listen, all right.
But you like big fucking fat tits. That's not what it is.
Yes, you do.

Speaker 1 You like fat tits, bro. And you like white girls with fat asses.
Is that who it was? It wasn't Nancy Pelosi. Yes, it was.

Speaker 1 Yes, it was.

Speaker 1 It was that. It was that.
And you want to grab it. Hey, Jules, fucking you.
Fuck you. Jules, fuck you.
Jules, you've done good. This is the last two years.

Speaker 1 You were walking in a mall, UTC mall, right? Yeah. And there was a girl wearing like

Speaker 1 yoga, like a tight yoga outfit.

Speaker 1 What did you see? And she was was so ugly and bumpy.

Speaker 1 Bullshit. Gliants.
Fucking dropped it. Yes, you did.
No. You're fucking.
You're smirking. Yeah, like, look at that fat piece of shit.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You saw. You saw.
What did you see? I saw a fat piece of shit, jiggly, jiggly. No, yeah.
Tell us what you're saying.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, you were checking that out, and we had an argument about that. Go fuck yourself.
No. And let me say something.
He looked. I've never.

Speaker 1 And did you look? And she had super shit. And what does that even mean if I fucking looked? Yo, listen, you're a man, bro.
That's right.

Speaker 1 You can look at however however many asses and tits you want to do. That's true, that true that.
Okay, you're in a mall,

Speaker 1 your fucking world. You're Bobby Lee.
You're probably single, ready to mingle. Two.
Stuff that face in some fat white girl tits.

Speaker 1 But it's so funny that you white dudes, white dudes like you. I'm not white, bro.
I'm Italian. Whatever.
You're both Italian. You Italian dudes.
Yeah. They're taller, fairly good looking, right?

Speaker 1 Very funny at your craft, right? I thought I was good. You think you think you fucking podcast? You said I look like Gilbert.
You think it's easier?

Speaker 1 It's easier for you to get women than for me to get women? Yes, that's the system we've developed.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 And it's also easier for you to get food in America, so you came here. So you have to put up with that.
That's the sacrifice you make when your family brings you here.

Speaker 1 It's a little harder to get late, but there's food every day and a refrigerator, right?

Speaker 1 It's a little bit harder. There's food every day and there's a refrigerator.
That's just what it is. It was funny, but I want to fight you.
No, but it's

Speaker 1 funny, but I want to fight. It's funny, but I want to fight.

Speaker 1 This is what your family worked for. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'm here. Thank you for the food.
Thank you for the delicious food. You're welcome.
And I love refrigerating my meats. It's great to refrigerate.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Right. But what I'm saying is that does it have to be that hard to get pussy? No, it's too hard to get pussy.
You had a beautiful girlfriend for many years. I know.
Right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's smart, beautiful girls. But what I'm saying is it is harder for me than you guys.
It is. No, it's not.
Do you get DMs? Have you tried? Do you guys get DMs? Have you tried? From random.

Speaker 1 Have you taken them? Do you get DMs?

Speaker 1 What do you mean? From girls. Girls that you don't know, they just go.
She sends you breasts. Picks.
Breast pics? Yeah. How big are they?

Speaker 1 Every variety. You know what's crazy about you?

Speaker 1 I know you like a fat white tit. I do.
You like a.

Speaker 1 How did you know? Dude, it's just something about you.

Speaker 1 And you don't even want, dude. And you're like a little kid around them, aren't you? Oh, I giggle.
Giddy. Yes, I giggle.

Speaker 1 I can shake them. I can giggle.
I'm just kicking like I'm in a fucking shit. Take me to the ball pit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, you know, jumping into those little red yellow balls, that little jump. It's called a ball pit.
It's a ball pit. It's a ballpit.
Yeah, I can. You already said that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey.
Yeah. The reason you're not getting DMs is because everybody on earth knows that you're winning a relationship.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Now, you're going to get girls that are going to go, hey, I'd like to hang out with you. What's going on, Bobby? You're single.
They're going to be thrown at you like crazy, dude. You're single now.

Speaker 1 Yes. But people didn't DM you because they didn't think you were single.

Speaker 1 Oh, you don't want it. No.

Speaker 1 You do want it. I don't want to.

Speaker 1 I don't feel. I love Kalila and I would never betray her.
Why would that be betrayal?

Speaker 1 Timeout.

Speaker 1 You don't want to fuck? Not right now, no. You don't want to hang out? Nope.

Speaker 1 You want to go on a date? Not even have sex. You don't want to go talk to a girl? No, no.
Why?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Too fresh? Too fresh.
Would you do roleplay? Would you role play like a- What if she roleplayed like she was Kalila? There you go. She's very good, Kalila.

Speaker 1 No, no, what if another woman would be Kalila?

Speaker 1 They have to take Meisner and Technique classes. Let's get them enrolled.
Meisner and Technique glasses and really know how to add information. So maybe some improv work from Chicago.
Fine. Right?

Speaker 1 And somebody that really doesn't break, right? Because I know when they're breaking.

Speaker 1 Okay, who's your dream girl?

Speaker 1 Who's the girl that you're like, it's unobtainable? She's a famous person. Everybody knows who this is.
She's so hot. I'm not going to get her.
But it's a thing. Like a taller Natalie Portman.

Speaker 1 Natalie Portman. Let's get her enrolled.
She's a great actress. But she can be a collier.
Five inches taller. All right, well, stretch her out.

Speaker 1 Someone that looks like that, but has that skills in terms of acting.

Speaker 1 This is your crush forever. Yeah, but she's got to be five inches taller.
I like taller girls. She's still taller than you.

Speaker 1 Nobody speaks English over here.

Speaker 1 What are we trying to do? What are we trying to do? Hey, guys.

Speaker 1 Two words. Two words.

Speaker 1 Two words. Cheap labor.
Okay.

Speaker 1 She's not taller.

Speaker 1 The thing's acting got stronger. Last time I was here, he spoke better English.

Speaker 1 She tried to say something twice.

Speaker 1 I had no fucking clue what he said. Spain, Mexico, Philippines.
We can't hire Americans in this fucking country. We can't.
No, we can't afford it. It's so expensive now, dude.

Speaker 1 These guys work no insurance. They're 4-3.
And I'm 5'3 ⁇ , so we're the same height. But you want somebody like 5'7 ⁇ ? 5'7-5'8.
5'5'9. That's my jam.
Yeah. Right? Climb that tree.

Speaker 1 And they have to have that kind of skill set where they can cry on cue

Speaker 1 and memorize their line. Why do they need to cry? Because in the role play.
Oh, because they need to cry during your role play. Yeah.
What are the role-playing scenes where you make them cry?

Speaker 1 I don't want to get into that.

Speaker 1 Now we're in muddled. We're in muddled territory.

Speaker 1 Maybe we could just talk about one of those.

Speaker 1 Like one of those scenarios. Because because that seemed like really well I'll give you a I'll give you the beginning of the scenario, but I won't go there.
All right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So I'm driving a car. Oh, I already know what this is.
What?

Speaker 1 It's a poop on me thing. No, it's not a poop-on-I'm driving in a car.
Oh, yeah. And I'm in the desert, driving down the street.
It's a piss-on me thing. Oh, there's a hitchhiker.
Oh. Right?

Speaker 1 I pull over. Hit her by accident.
Hey, young lady. Hey, young lady.

Speaker 1 Why is such a young lady hitchhiking alone? He loves a southern. He loves a southern night.
Alone at night. Well, little old B just got lost.
Yeah, you need to. Where are you going?

Speaker 1 Maybe I can. I was just going, maybe, to go check out one of these little bars up the road and go have a drink.
Oh, you like to see the city lights, huh? I love the city lights.

Speaker 1 Get in, and I'm going to the city lights as well, my friend. How do I know I can trust you? You can trust me.
Look at this cross.

Speaker 1 Right? And I thought you got a cross. Look at this cross.
Is that a little dead Jesus on that cross? Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Oh, wow.
Get in.

Speaker 1 Maybe I don't want to

Speaker 1 get in

Speaker 1 wait wait wait my arms are broken and I I dropped my couch

Speaker 1 down the desert can you help me put the couch back into the how are you driving with no water

Speaker 1 just help me with this couch man you're terrible

Speaker 1 I dropped my couch in the desert the fucking right but you have to back in with the cat with the couch yeah that's so wait you go to wanting to fuck this girl to help making her help you move well I no but this situation is like

Speaker 1 you chose to go the direction of you took a long time to get in the car because you have to fucking work them up. Do you get them just going to get in the car? I am a stranger.
Am I serious?

Speaker 1 You are a stranger. Yeah, but it's like you have to understand it's a sexual situation.
All right, well, then Andrew can be a little bit more like a musician.

Speaker 1 I don't want to do a lot of like go ahead and pick up Schultz then. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 The dialogue scene is too long. Yeah.
Right? So you had to get in the car. Oh, here we go.
I actually

Speaker 1 do.

Speaker 1 I thought it was excellent. It was accurate.
Before you did the moving the couch couch thing, I thought you were both murdering it. And I'm being 100% honest.

Speaker 1 I was sitting here and I was going, like, fuck, maybe there's a skilled actor.

Speaker 1 I literally, I was like, God, these guys, like,

Speaker 1 these guys are like really good at acting. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 See, you just gotta, you gotta get there. You gotta get there a different way.
All right. Yeah, why'd you take that big jump? Like, it was so realistic.
I know, because, okay, let's.

Speaker 1 It was so realistic. Let's cut.
All right, so. In the line, the big city lights.

Speaker 1 That's funny. Let's go to the cross then.
Back to the cross. Yeah, let's go back to the cross.

Speaker 1 I'm the director. Yeah.
I'm the director. I know you are.
I'm the director.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 If you don't like where it's going, you can say cot. No, thank you.
Can I say cot? Oh, that's accent. Can I do what the director does?

Speaker 1 Is that cool? Is this the only accent you're missing on this fucking show today?

Speaker 1 Okay, ready?

Speaker 1 Okay, sound roll. Okay.
Roll in. And sound speed or whatever.

Speaker 1 Okay, roll it and

Speaker 1 action. Well, I don't know if you can tell, but I have a gigantic golden cross.
I can see that.

Speaker 1 Are you religious? I am, in fact. Which denomination? Presbyterian.

Speaker 1 Really? Baptist. Which one? Those are two different ones.
Well, I belong to one out of Waco, Texas, that's a crossbreed. We use both elements of the church.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Anywho, I got to go because I got to go to work. Oh.
And so I'm going toward the city lights. If you want to write, you don't have to if you don't trust me.
But if you'd like to, I don't. Well, I see.

Speaker 1 You don't seem trustworthy. Well, then you have a nice night, lady, and I hope you have a good night.
Can I tell you something? What?

Speaker 1 The next time you try to pick up a girl on the side of the road, don't have your dick out.

Speaker 1 Your dick is out. My bad.

Speaker 1 It is your bad. My bad.
You know what? Can I tell you why? Are you putting it away or what are you doing? I'm putting it away now. I'll tell you why, lady.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you the reason why my penis was out. What is it? Because I have an infection down there.

Speaker 1 And that's why if you think there's anything sexual going on here, that would also be an impossibility because I have an infection and I have to air it out when I'm driving.

Speaker 1 You seem to have lost your accent.

Speaker 1 What

Speaker 1 here I am. What are you talking about? No, it's because when

Speaker 1 I start talking about my genitalia,

Speaker 1 right? My accent, you know, I get so shy, you know. So, this infection, what is it from? It's a rash that I got when I was uh fishing.

Speaker 1 Go on,

Speaker 1 you got a lot of split, dude.

Speaker 1 Well, whatever.

Speaker 1 I fly fish. It's the funniest scene in the history of television film.

Speaker 1 Not even close.

Speaker 1 Bro, the fact that you fucking are, how do they get the rash? Yeah. Anyway,

Speaker 1 fish.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, well, I don't really trust you. He's like, well, well, okay, then.
I have work in the morning. I gotta go.
Like, you're not even committed.

Speaker 1 I am because I want her to feel because after that. You want her to want it? Yeah, because after that, she could go.
You know what I mean? She could go.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, actually, I will take a ride. You say, oh, you know what I mean? That's what I was thinking.
She's asking me.

Speaker 1 I was doing reverse psychology, and I was thinking, like, maybe, oh, that's enough for her to go

Speaker 1 on the car. Didn't work on this girl.
Didn't work on this girl. No, no, no.
Didn't work on this girl. But, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's really impressive. How did you get that rash? Well, when I catch a fish, I unhook it and I rub that thing on my dick for about 15, 20 minutes.
So that's how I descale it.

Speaker 1 How could you get a rash from fishing by that? Fly fishing. What is that even? Go ahead.
I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 How are you going to get there? I'll tell you how it's going to pick. The reason why I said this is I was watching a bunch of episodes of Naked and Afraid.
Love.

Speaker 1 Which we've said to the producers, him and I would do. We've said to the producers.
So I watched Naked and Afraid and I saw Fishing Naked and I don't know why, but I connected the two.

Speaker 1 But then I'm thinking. Wait, why wouldn't they let you guys go on naked? We've said it out loud.
We've emailed. They won't get back to you.
It would be a five-minute episode. Which would be hilarious.

Speaker 1 It'd be one of the funniest in the world. I want to do it so bad.
We want to get naked somewhere and be in the middle.

Speaker 1 You know what they do? They do fan now. Like, they use fans.
We're not fans. And they do only 14 days.
No, we're usually 20. We're not going to do 21 days anymore.
This week, 48 hours. 48 hours.

Speaker 1 Three episodes. And it will be the most hilarious fucking show in the history of film.
And then what do what they do? New York comics, two New York comics, two LA Comics, and we converge.

Speaker 1 And day two, we have to converge. You know how they converge.
We have to do hangout. You mean we have to like.

Speaker 1 So you and I survive for two days by ourselves and then we a mile down they say you're gonna meet at the New York comics. Who the New York comics? Who would it be?

Speaker 1 Oh, well, I was thinking Schultz and maybe just Stefano. Oh, that'd be funny.
That would be fucking funny as shit. Or your Indian friend.
Akash. Akash.
Your Indian friend. This guy.

Speaker 1 Your Indian friend. I love him.

Speaker 1 Didn't you have him on the show? Yeah. I love him.
What's his name? Akash. Akash what? Singh.
Okay. I gotta give him some props.
He's good.

Speaker 1 Don't suck it like that. He also textes me like every day.

Speaker 1 He's the best. He's a sweetheart.
What do you mean? Just to say what's up? He always adds on you. He always adds

Speaker 1 how I am, how I'm feeling, what's going on. And I've only met him a couple times, but I really think he's a great guy.
He is a fucking good guy. He's a genuine guy.

Speaker 1 This guy keeps good people around him. No, he really is a good guy.
Always. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Amazing guy, hilarious dude, incredibly fucking loyal, and not a bad bone in his body.

Speaker 1 I mean that sincerely. Like, there are a lot of people in this business, and you know, granted, we're competitive.
We want the best for ourselves, etc. But, like, the dude is the most genuine.

Speaker 1 No, he's a funny dude, too. And really funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what? Yeah.
I had him on when he had his special put out. Killed it.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to talk shit right now because I'm jealous. Because you're fucking special.

Speaker 1 Easy plug. Easy transition.
Because genuinely, though. That was good.
I read it. And you sold a lot of money.

Speaker 1 They did a variety article about how much money you made on the first week on that fucking thing. Do you know this?

Speaker 1 No, I didn't know that. They did an article.
Look it up. It's a variety or one of these things that says, you sold a million bucks worth of fucking special tickets in a week or so.

Speaker 1 They just say things, you know? No.

Speaker 1 When I talked to, so I talked to him.

Speaker 1 I was at the club. I was at the club.
They used a photo from when I met you. Yeah, bro.
The photos they use for these articles. Unbelievable.
So long ago. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I was at the improv and Moment House, the president, came up to me. Yeah, yeah.
And he goes, oh my, you know the business we're doing with Anderschold? I don't know. He opened that way.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, yeah, I know. I know.
I get it. You're right.

Speaker 1 And I think that you're... See, you're.
Can I say something? And we bought yours, by the way, guys. Did you really? Yeah.
You watched it. All of us watched it.
Oh, cool.

Speaker 1 But I think

Speaker 1 you're paving a new road

Speaker 1 for us, a direction for us to go. I think that's the future.
The kids have been doing that for a long time. That's nothing new.
Well, look, I hope that.

Speaker 1 I hope it works.

Speaker 1 It is working for you. It's working.
Let's say it works. I think it's a cool way where, like, if you have a community, you guys have a community.
People fuck with you.

Speaker 1 You guys learned that with the Moment House. I mean, right, right.
I don't want to say your math, but, you know, obviously I spoke to them and you guys fucking killed it. We did good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's like, because you guys have people who care about you who listen to the show, and they're down to support.

Speaker 1 And, you know, if you have a community like that, then I think maybe you can do something like this. We're going to find out Sunday.
But if you do.

Speaker 1 When do we find out? That's when it comes out Sunday. Yeah, I'll show you.

Speaker 1 It's just like what we did on Moment House in terms of you can pre-order. So you can order it before it's out.
So like this, like click on the pre-order. So you go to pre-order it.
Right. Right.

Speaker 1 And go ahead down and go ahead and buy it. Whose ecuter this is.

Speaker 1 Is that ours? Whose is this? It's mine. Carlos.

Speaker 1 So you go ahead, pre-order, buy it, and it signs you up. And then you get it.

Speaker 1 You get in line to get the special when it drops, just like kind of ours did, except this is his stand-up special. Instead of being live, it's exclusive for this.
Exclusive for Moment House.

Speaker 1 And then they watch it for what? You can watch for how long? We're going to give it to them forever. That's it, forever.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I'll just after like the two weeks or whatever, you can buy it for two weeks, and then after that, we'll just give them an unlisted link. You don't have to buy it right now.

Speaker 1 Now, would you, yeah, don't buy it. No, would you now after the two weeks is up, right? Will you sell, is there a look at that? He bought a ticket right there.
Live

Speaker 1 is there an ability to sell that not special to a streaming service of some sort or not? I mean, I own it, so it's like I can do whatever I want with it.

Speaker 1 In my mind, I just want as many people to see as possible.

Speaker 1 So, you put on YouTube, maybe having parts of it on YouTube YouTube or maybe Instagram or these different things, like, because that's what sells the tickets to guys experience that. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's like, for me, you have the freedom to do that. If you do a special with a traditional network, they go, okay, you can put three minutes out.
We'll pick the minutes that you can put out.

Speaker 1 Like, sometimes I see the clips that they choose for Netflix, for people's specials. And I'm like,

Speaker 1 are you not concerned that they put this one minute out? What I never understood about

Speaker 1 clipping from a corporate level is sometimes they're clipping a setup. And that's it.
And you're you're like, why? There's no punch and no payoff.

Speaker 1 And it's like, this is what's supposed to convince people to go watch the special. I don't get it.

Speaker 1 This is the unique way to do something to give people a little taste like you do. Because you know what Rudy said? Rudy goes, I know him.
I see him on TikTok a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Isn't that what he said? Yeah. Because you do, right? And you see him on TikTok all the time.
And you see his clip and you watch the joke and you're like, give him a pound.

Speaker 1 And you watch the joke and you go, funny. He liked it, huh? Yeah.
See? So that's what funny. But the reason why you're doing this is because somebody wanted you to edit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they wanted me to cut a few jokes. Cut a few jokes.
And what do you want to mention? It's CISO. Everybody knows it was CISO.
CISO. So CISO wanted you to cut out, right?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Yeah. A couple of jokes.
And

Speaker 1 you just basically... Was it Roku?

Speaker 1 I think it was Roku. It was Roku.
It was a good job. It was Cisco Roku.
Too be. It was too beautiful.
It was definitely too short.

Speaker 1 Did you consider it? Did you consider it? No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Did you argue going? No. And then they came back.
Well, then we came. I wasn't like bullying.
Like, here's the thing. I don't have an issue with streamers.

Speaker 1 Like, I have stuff coming out on different streamers. I just think like with stand-up, for me,

Speaker 1 I built a career off of stand-up, like, just putting my clips out online. So I don't want to water it down the second I put out like the big extravaganza.
Yeah. Like, why change a thing that's worked?

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Speaker 1 You know, it was interesting, though, like, the thing that got the articles going is like, it was, I bought it back. They liked that.
Then there was like the censorship thing. That was cool.

Speaker 1 Still nothing. And then I dropped the joke and I was like, here's one of the jokes they wanted me to cut.
And it was one of these abortion bits. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it was the trifecta of like abortion, censorship, buying it back. And they're like, ooh, that's a story.
Yeah, right. Because abortion's in the zeitgeist.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I really learned kind of how media works a bit from seeing this. Oh, yeah.
Just see how they click, click, click, click, how it does like the perfect triangle. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Any negative backlash or no? I'm sure when the special comes out, like people see it, there'll be people who are upset at certain jokes.

Speaker 1 It's natural. Yeah, look, look, when you do a special with a network, you're doing it for like all the people who watch the network.
And some people just watch Housewives.

Speaker 1 Some people just watch the cartoons. So like they might be upset about this.
When you put it out yourself, you're just worried about your fans. So they have an expectation for the comic.

Speaker 1 Last night, Harlan Williams went up on stage in the main room. One of the best comics I've seen in years and years, and I mean that wholeheartedly.
When he fucking riffs, he's unstoppable.

Speaker 1 He's unstoppable. He did a bit on stage about

Speaker 1 he was at a mall, and there was a guy with a tricky

Speaker 1 tricky automatic.

Speaker 1 And he thought it was a dolphin, and he does a dolphin noise with the tricky atomy. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And he bought some fish and ships threw it on the air, and the guy caught it with his tricky arty or whatever it might have been, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And a group of 25 women from the main room all got up and left. Oh, wow.
Asian women. But one white woman was crying.
Oh, really? So I followed them out because I want to know.

Speaker 1 Do you Asians kill the dolphins? Isn't that your thing?

Speaker 1 Don't you like fucking calls? That's a Japanese.

Speaker 1 And this is one crazy cove. Okay.
Maybe, yeah. What is it called? It's like murder cove or something.
No, it's called the cove. It's called the cove.
And also, can I just say something?

Speaker 1 I hate dolphins. If you see a bloody cove, don't swim into it.
Yeah, that's their fault. Yeah, it's their fault.

Speaker 1 They're out there, and one of the women's crying, and I walk up and I go, you know, like, fake concerned.

Speaker 1 Why are you you crying? Like that. That's your fake concern? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Suck. Yeah, yeah.
Let me try that again. Yeah, go ahead.
Take it again. Take two.

Speaker 1 Why are you crying?

Speaker 1 Is this the guy in the truck again?

Speaker 1 Get on here. Anyway, why are you crying?

Speaker 1 She goes, that bastard.

Speaker 1 I go, who? Harlan, the nicest guy on planet Earth? Yes, like the sweetest. Yeah, the sweetest guy on the planet.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 My father had a tracheotomy. Yeah.
Right? And he struggled for so many years. Right.
And I'm like, and

Speaker 1 she goes, he made fun of me. I go, it's a comedy club.
Do not go back in there. Yeah.
Because I was next. Yeah.
Well, you do not. Yeah.
Do not go back. She goes, no, but I understand comedy.

Speaker 1 I understand it. He went too far.
I go, then don't watch mine. Yeah, that's bad.

Speaker 1 If she thinks that's bad,

Speaker 1 of smoke. Because you're with 24 Asian women, and I talk about their pussy color.
Yeah, he does. Oh, dark.
Yeah, it's okay to get a mouth. Wow.
Dark. Yeah, yeah.
Dark, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I just, the sensitivity now of crowds and it's rare.

Speaker 1 I'll say it's still rare. I think it's still rare.
It is. I think more times than not,

Speaker 1 most people, nine times out of ten at a comedy show, are in for the wild ride. You're going to get a few rogues.
Because you're seeing your fans. No, no, no.
I'm just going to say that. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah. They're coming to Hollywood or New York, right? And going, wow, we're about to see some edgy, you know, stuff.

Speaker 1 They want to pretend that they're open, right? But if you did the same act in front of a random crowd in the Midwest that didn't know who you were, right? They would be offended. Not the Midwest.

Speaker 1 No, we did that for years. I did it for years.
Yeah, that's how we built New York or LA, maybe, but not the Midwest. What do you mean the Midwest? Like the Midwest, they're less offended by things.

Speaker 1 For sure.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're saying.

Speaker 1 Are you serious? Yeah, I don't know what you're saying. You think that people in like San Francisco

Speaker 1 are more easy going with jokes than people are saying? But I think you're saying that.

Speaker 1 I think the argument that you're saying is this,

Speaker 1 and I'm probably going to lose this, right?

Speaker 1 I want to go in. Bro, he always sets himself up.

Speaker 1 He's just like, look, I know this is wrong. I'm going to spend three more minutes talking about it.
No, no, no. That's not the time.
That's not what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 I still believe my point of view. Yeah.
But

Speaker 1 I know what the argument is. Then give it to him.

Speaker 1 Your argument is that liberalism creates this wokeness and cancel culture, right? And they're more sensitive. Is that what you're saying? Is that your point of view?

Speaker 1 Not liberalism as much as like I believe religion and Christianity ruins it. I believe.

Speaker 1 So when you go to the Midwest and you talk about Down syndrome or you talk about you can't see the our world, like I've been on the Midwest and have religious people come up to me and go, you said Down syndrome.

Speaker 1 My son had Down syndrome. I said, well, then you shouldn't fuck when you're on drugs.
And that just waits.

Speaker 1 I get mean.

Speaker 1 What makes it? I get really mean. What? Is that what makes it? What makes what? Down syndrome.
No, I'm just kidding. I just, I respond.
I'm being honest.

Speaker 1 I respond when somebody

Speaker 1 tries to. Yeah.
So your argument, though, is that people in big cities and liberal cities are more sensitive. No, people in big cities are more sensitive because you have to be.

Speaker 1 You don't get to go to your house and just ignore everybody. Like you live on top, next to, and below people.

Speaker 1 So you have to be a little bit more considerate because in order for us all to function, we have to be considerate.

Speaker 1 But when they go to a comedy club, I feel like they, you know what I mean, they know, they're more aware of their affirmative liberal. No, they go like this.
Oh, my God, what is that person feeling?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 My music's really loud. Could that be bothering somebody? Yeah.
Right? Oh, my God. That person, is she upset at that joke? And that's kind of the mentality.

Speaker 1 Whereas if you have a fucking ranch in Ohio, it's like, don't tread on me, bro. Like, well, yeah, okay, you have your own ranch.
Yeah, you know, yeah. Nobody's worried about you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I find those people to be bad for me. Which one? Who's your your audience? The

Speaker 1 tread on me. I've had them pick me up.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 after shows, like in the South, like a big Southern guy pick me up and go, you're the funniest Chinese guy I've ever seen. And they'll pick me up and go, but man, damn it, honey, look at him.

Speaker 1 Maybe you are the funniest Chinese guy I've ever seen. Yeah, but my point is, is that, and I've had the most people walk out, you know what I mean, in Texas or the Midwest, like, he was offensive.

Speaker 1 He showed me his penis. All this stuff.
It's against God's.

Speaker 1 Well, do you show your penis? No.

Speaker 1 But because because that could be an issue because they'll be like it's a comedy show and then no i know my penis but it is funny no it's terrifying

Speaker 1 and that to this day is one of the scariest things because i could do it now and you would laugh what made me laugh was your fingers your fingers get like rigamortis when you do it like you do like this i know you yeah it's all a part of the character dude yeah it's all a part of the deal what are you doing on your phone nothing you know your attitude like

Speaker 1 i can call you out right now dad okay the last dinner we had i had to pay for it you You goddamn right you did. Yeah, and I spent over $1,000.
Yes, you did. Where'd you guys go?

Speaker 1 We took Juicy to fucking Mastro's.

Speaker 1 Because this guy said he leaves, and he has to, oh, I have a golf tournament. Every time it's a golf tournament or something.
It's a golf tournament. It was fucking.
I was going to do a show.

Speaker 1 Oh, whatever. Yes.
It was fucking 8 p.m. There's always something that he has to do, and then I'm always left with a fucking bill.
Timeout. And I have proof right here.

Speaker 1 You said out of your fucking mouth, I'm going to pay you. I'm not being aggressive.
I'm just asking you. Don't fucking do that.

Speaker 1 Don't fucking set me up. I'm not

Speaker 1 the innocent one. Fancy, you're the proof.
You said that. Am I I the one to pay? Isn't that the innocent one? Did he not say he wanted to pay?

Speaker 1 I said yes on the other show, but now I'm going to say no. I think you just left in the right timing for Bobby to pick up the bill.
You're fired, Carl. I love it.
And you know what? Let me fight you.

Speaker 1 You're fucking fired, dude.

Speaker 1 Gaslighting. Thank you, Carlos.
You're fucking gaslighting. I didn't like your attitude, but now, dude, you're back on the team.
That's why you did that. So you'd get back on your fucking team.

Speaker 1 And Carlos, you know that's right, and I don't know what you're doing, dude. Look at me right now, dude.
Look at me. All right, so scum.

Speaker 1 You're a piece of shit. You're a piece of shit.
You know what? I'll call you.

Speaker 1 Juicy

Speaker 1 that you said you wanted to pay. I'm sorry, Andrew.
No, no, no. This is really angry.
I just want to say this, right? Yeah, yeah. And this is the truth.

Speaker 1 And I hope this doesn't interfere for our friendship and our chemistry and our show, right?

Speaker 1 But you really need to pay the next time because you're crossing a line.

Speaker 1 And I believe that you're... Let me tell you something right now.
I'm not done talking. No, I'm

Speaker 1 done. No, you are done.
Let me tell you something right now, you little fucking piece of shit. Now, let me tell you something.
I do pay for the biggest dinner.

Speaker 1 I paid for the biggest dinner you ever had. Which one? You fucking fat turd.
Which one? You fucking fat piece of shit. Where? Which one? Go ahead and tell them, Fancy.
Christmas.

Speaker 1 Remember our fucking Christmas dinner? And you ordered fucking five appetizers in San Diego? Where were we for Christmas? Maestro's. And Mastros, you fat fuck.

Speaker 1 You're in the whole fucking menu. Seafood tower, fat ass.
Fucking four tomahawks. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up. You pay for that? You fucking right I did.
I'm sorry then. God damn right.
That's all you have to say. Are we done? No.
That's all you have to say.

Speaker 1 But now everyone listening right now, they see how fucking crazy you are.

Speaker 1 I didn't know.

Speaker 1 I was going to ask you a question, dude. Put up gas.

Speaker 1 Put up gaslight again. Did you not see it? Fucking skimmag.
Dude,

Speaker 1 you need help. Time out.
Are you ready? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Andrew's special is available now.

Speaker 1 Please go to Moment House and watch it.

Speaker 1 Incredible, dude.

Speaker 1 That's crazy shit. You can't tell an Italian he didn't offer to pay for dinner.
Goddamn. Fucking right.
You can't, I mean, it's a cultural thing.

Speaker 1 By the way, nobody lived Italy the way that you lived Italy. Bro, you, you know,

Speaker 1 you guys were together? After he left, that's when I showed up. Right when his vacation was done, we went there.
Oh, so you never got to see each other? No, because he was also with his friends.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you, beautiful wife.

Speaker 1 What's the best meal you had in Italy? I'm curious. Sottasale.
What is that? Big shout out to Sottasale, a restaurant in Favignana, a little island.

Speaker 1 So what I did was we went to a group of island chains off of Sicily, but we went to to a place called Sotosale. And you know what, one of those moments happened where it's a local spot?

Speaker 1 It was a Michelin or a fucking whatever. And the cat who ran the place loved the dude that I was with because he's like this smooth British motherfucker.

Speaker 1 And this dude, I mean, dude, showed us the rope. He's chilled with us all night, was drinking wine with us.
All the other tables, pissed. Pissed because they got no love.
They got no love.

Speaker 1 Was he a fan of yours? No, he just, he did. The guy that I'm with is smooth.
He's a smooth motherfucker, and he knew how to talk to him into getting us a good table.

Speaker 1 And the guy was like, I don't know, I don't know how many people do you have? And he did it so cool and was so right to him and was like, I'll have, you know, I'll break off the staff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was, you know, do the right thing. So this dude loved us, and he just wanted to sit and chat, and he was pouring wine, breaking open cellar wine and shit.
Your wife was there? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was me, us,

Speaker 1 another couple, and then one of his sons and his son's friend. And the meal was just unbelievable.

Speaker 1 But you could see other people like this. Like, can we get it? Like, why the fuck are they getting all of this shit? We would get, you know, he'd come out, he'd be like, you know, from the chef

Speaker 1 just for you. And I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 Jesus for us.

Speaker 1 You love that shit. You love when it's just for you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you would love to be. I'm like everyone else, man.
I was in line.

Speaker 1 Fuck. So Sicily was crazy or what?

Speaker 1 So look, I love Sicily. I love going to the islands.
We had a boat. We had a catamaran.
We just went island hopping. Stayed on the boat? Yeah, but we'd stay in the marina, right?

Speaker 1 We dropped anchor like twice in a harbor where

Speaker 1 there was no waves, but we'd stay in the marina, you'd go into town, get dinner, drinks, whatever, come back.

Speaker 1 Then the next day we'd boat out to another little bay, swim all day, fuck off, then go to another island. Amazing.
But Favignana, man, what a fucking.

Speaker 1 The only problem is, people in the group, not everybody is a huge seafood fan. For South Italy, you got to like seafood.
You got to like seafood. That's.

Speaker 1 If you're like a red sauce meatball spaghetti guy, you got to go up top. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But seafood galore, I mean, it was fucking... I had the most fun I've had in a long time.

Speaker 1 And I even FaceTimed Bobby. I see, I'm still thinking about you even when I'm on vacation.
Didn't I? Never FaceTimed me. Yes, I did.
I have proof of it right here. Can I open up my fucking.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't pick up. Okay.

Speaker 1 So that means you didn't. No, no, I did.
Right there. Look at it.

Speaker 1 7.522. I mean, you do for a second just to show it on there.

Speaker 1 My point is, is this. I didn't pick up.
So that's not. No, you never picked up.
You can't use that as a thing. And you're inconsiderate.
I check.

Speaker 1 But my point is, in terms of the godfather stuff, did anything happen? Did you go? No, you didn't have time to go because I missed it because I was doing a thing for Moment House with bad friends.

Speaker 1 Okay, I see what you're doing. Anyway, how was it? No, no, you, that's what literally what happened.
I see what you're doing. How was your attention? No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 And then also, by the way, right as we got there,

Speaker 1 James Condi. James Condi got less.
One of the best. Yeah, R.I.P.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 You better not say anything bad about Santino. Santino? That's the character.
Oh, yeah, you can't do it into Godfather, yeah. That's right.
Santino Kyle. He did die.
That's great. I love.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm a huge... huge James.
Don't say anything bad. What do you mean? Don't say anything bad.
Elf, Godfather. He was in bottle rocket.
I'm friends with his son. Don't say anything bad.

Speaker 1 Bottle rocket. He was the fucking man.
He's the best, dude. Anyway, and I'm going to say this right now, and this is going to offend some people.
And that's okay.

Speaker 1 But after we went to Italy, I went up to Dublin, spent a few days in the other motherland for me. And

Speaker 1 I got to tell you something.

Speaker 1 I love Ireland. Easy.
These are my people. These are fucking my people.
I had one of the best times. I loved it so much.
I love Ireland. Okay.

Speaker 1 For a mount of the people

Speaker 1 look like

Speaker 1 they might

Speaker 1 have blood together. Really? A lot of the people there look like they might have been related.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like you'll see 50 of them. You'll be like, this is a family reunion.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they all look, they kind of look.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I got a little nervous.
There was a few times where I'm like, these people aren't related. These people look kind of related.

Speaker 1 Because, dude, at the end of the day, I'm not trying to shit on my people. I'm just trying to say, it is an island.
But so is Sicily, and you don't get that vibe. Yeah, but you know, but

Speaker 1 Sicily touches the boot. It almost touches fucking surroundings.
And also, like, Africa. So it's like everybody's in an African.
Yeah, because Tunisia's right there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Ireland's out there.
It's way out there. Yeah, and to get to another place, to get another person, it takes a lot of time.

Speaker 1 And when you're a sheep farmer and all that stuff, and you know, like your cousins have been on the right, do they fuck the sheep up there? They do. Yeah.
Yeah, they very much do.

Speaker 1 My mom's from Scotland. It's a real thing.
But at least Scotland can go down to England. Look at this.
The database. Well, then we fuck the sheep.

Speaker 1 71% of all marriages in this period indicate a first-cousin marriage rate of about one in 720. Okay.
See? So one in 700 people. Is that weird? What are you doing?

Speaker 1 It's not that fucking weird. That's not weird, man.
We're just judging the Philippines. This is white people.
For sure. Dude, look at how shocking.

Speaker 1 The figures for the Republic of Ireland is approximately 91% of all marriages indicate a first cousin marriage rate of about one in 625. So one in 600 people, I'm going to see a

Speaker 1 lot of people.

Speaker 1 It's an island. Yeah.
It's an island. Look at Australia.
They're all the same.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're all the fucking same. They're all fucking the same.
They have no chin. No chin.
I saw a couple of guys at the inbox. No chin.
Buggy eye.

Speaker 1 And you're like, wow, there's something going on, huh?

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, look at this.

Speaker 1 Which country has the highest inbreed? Data and inbreeding. Several contemporary human populations are compared, showing the highest local raised inbreed.
Brazil, Japan, India, and Israel.

Speaker 1 Brazil is number one?

Speaker 1 Brazil's fucking

Speaker 1 massive, massive, yeah.

Speaker 1 Why are you fucking your family? It's so big. And their martial arts is breakdancing, so maybe that's something to do.
Capoeta. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, so when they're doing that, they're fucking.

Speaker 1 They're fucking. That's a dance defect.
That's a dance to fucking. Oh, I guess it's a damn thing.
India's wild, too. Like, India's two billion people.
They can't stop fucking.

Speaker 1 That's why they're fucking their cousins. These people are fucking everything that they do.
And it's a surprise. No.
No. No.
Islands. There's no new people there.
No new people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but my point is they're so brilliant and smart. What does that have to do with anything? What do you mean?

Speaker 1 But if you think the inbreeding, you would think through generations that they'd be just the dumber people. No, I don't think that happens necessarily.
Uh-uh.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're saying that inbreeding doesn't affect intelligence or anything? I don't think so. I think.
So, if a brother and sister, I mean, cousins, one thing, but you think,

Speaker 1 but I've seen in cases in the South where brothers and sisters have a baby and they come out a little bit, you know, like, you know,

Speaker 1 kind of like, you know. I need to save myself a little bit.
No. I love Ireland.
Yeah. I'm not saying everybody there is an inbred.
No, but you're saying they look ugly. I'm just saying, right?

Speaker 1 That's kind of what you're saying. No, what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying a lot of people look alike, and look at the sexual relations and cohabitation prohibiting this nine. Approximately 2.2% of all marriages in the United States are between second cousins.

Speaker 1 So, hey, we're not good either. All right.
That means that there are about 250,000 Americans that are in relationships with their cousins. Yeah.
A quarter of a million people.

Speaker 1 So white chicks have to just fuck Asians and stuff. I mean, if you're, if you're listening, if you're a white girl out there, right? And you're like, I like white dudes only, right?

Speaker 1 Think about it, right?

Speaker 1 He could be your cousin. Yeah.
Right? So go black or Mexican. It's like the odds are what do you think about it?

Speaker 1 If you made love to a 50-year-old, old Korean man who's a little chubby, 51.

Speaker 1 Oh, 51, almost 51.

Speaker 1 Think about it like this, though. In the order of white girls who want to fuck outside of white men, where do you think you are on the list? Don't be rude.
No, no, I'm asking.

Speaker 1 I think you're being rude. I'm not.
It's a question. I posed a question.
Let me ask Andrew this: What do you think we are at?

Speaker 1 What did you just say?

Speaker 1 What the fuck did you just try to say?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like

Speaker 1 a bad thing. What are you aware of? What do you want? What do you think of awareness? If a white girl is like, I don't want to have sex with white dudes, they're fucking girls.

Speaker 1 And they're going to some other category of men, where are you?

Speaker 1 Koreans, or you think

Speaker 1 you specifically, you're not like, you're not fucking Shang-Chi. You're not that guy.
There's like, in terms of Asians, you're not Shang-Chi. You're not

Speaker 1 the really rich Asian guy who's fucking a piece. Yeah, he's a piece.
He's a shine.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? You know that guy?

Speaker 1 But you're sexy. But seriously.
You're a sexy. Now be real.
I want you to be real. Look at how fucking you're a real guy.
How real could I get this guy? Holy fuck. Listen, he's pretty handsome.

Speaker 1 The other guy is ridiculous. The pretty rich Asians is fucking gorgeous.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

Speaker 1 Crazy rich Asians. Crazy rich Asians.
Jimmy Oyang, he's talking about. Yeah, Jimmy Oyang is a piece of Libya.
You're above William Hung.

Speaker 1 Hey!

Speaker 1 You're above William Hung.

Speaker 1 Stop. Thanks for coming, man.
That's fucking rude. I said above.
Wait, wait, stop. I didn't say below.

Speaker 1 Hold on. When he gets up, when he stands up, he's going to do gang numb style.
Do the thing. Do it.

Speaker 1 You're above Psy.

Speaker 1 You're above Psy. You're above Psy.
You're above every Squid game.

Speaker 1 You're above every Squid game, Nigga. You're above Squid.

Speaker 1 What else? What else? What else? I like this direction.

Speaker 1 You're below Jeremy Lynn. 100%.

Speaker 1 You're above Yao Ming. Yes.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's good. Because Yao Ming is just odd-looking, right? Yeah,

Speaker 1 she's too. Just say Yao Ming and not the odd-looking part, and let's move on.
No, Yao Ming

Speaker 1 is odd-looking. Oh, let me ask you some.
Okay. Ken Jung.

Speaker 1 You're above him.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 But Ken's money is thicker. Ken's money might be thicker.
It is thicker. No, now here's the thing.
Below Ronnie Chang. Oh, yeah.
Ronnie's a piece, dude. He's a piece, bud.
Ronnie's a piece.

Speaker 1 Jimmy O-Yang. You're above Jimmy O-Yang? I don't know.
I think that's a... I don't know, man.
No, you're above Jimmy Oyang. I got to be honest with you, it might be a time.

Speaker 1 That hurts. That's true.
Jimmy's a good-looking kid. I know, but you know what? Being 51 almost, and he's younger, much younger.
Much.

Speaker 1 And he's got a very beautiful girlfriend, so I'm going to take that. I'll be even with her.
Oh, if you match for age, like if you brought your age down, like, forget it. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. I kill it.

Speaker 1 I kill it. Yeah, I kill it.
Okay, but that's not what's happening right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who else is there? What are other Asian people? Well, they're ones that are obvious that they're above.

Speaker 1 Daniel Day came obviously above. Allie Wong.

Speaker 1 She's a girl. Still, who cares? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 you're above her. Okay, good, good, thank you, thank you.
You're above Allie. Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 No chance.

Speaker 1 You're a hotter guy. Randall Park.
Randall Park. No, Randall Park's above me.
Way above. Not way.
No way. Randall Park and you? No, above.
He's way up. I'm sure.
You see, that's way above.

Speaker 1 Look at his jawline. He's tall.
He looks like John Lake Wazamo. He does.
Yeah, and that's Asian. John Lake Wazamo.
No, John Lake Wizamo is handsome. He's a handsome, sexy guy.

Speaker 1 Nah, Randall's hot, dude. No, Randall's good.

Speaker 1 He's like 5'9. He's fucking.
He's huge. He's towering.
Gigantic. Who's funnier? I mean, come on.
Randall Park.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 You really believe that?

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? Whoa. You only believe that? You blink when you get in.

Speaker 1 You really believe that? No, man.

Speaker 1 Be honest. Be honest.
You're my

Speaker 1 friend.

Speaker 1 You're by far the funniest. That's all I care about.
Funny. You're the funniest Asian I think alive right now.
Period. Name a funnier Asian.
Don't say Kim Jong-un. Dude is hilarious.

Speaker 1 Dude is hilarious. Kim Hilarius is funny.
Dude is funny. He's like, dude, it's funny.
You do horrible things. I like it.
Kim Jong-un is funny. You do horrible things.
Don't watch your special.

Speaker 1 Don't watch your special. That's a rip-off.
Kim Jong-moon. You watch my special.
We're donating all the money to

Speaker 1 hilarious. That's how

Speaker 1 it's funny. That's real.
He's objectively. That's not Halloween, dude.
That's his everyday attire.

Speaker 1 Holy shit, dude. What did he say to the barber when he was like, what kind of hair do you have?

Speaker 1 So, you know.

Speaker 1 So, you know, you watch three studios,

Speaker 1 you know, you see, you watch three studios, yeah, I watch three studios. Well, I want a combo between the two,

Speaker 1 all right, more,

Speaker 1 you know, more

Speaker 1 barber's like scared because I don't think he's never gonna get killed. So he's just coming around, and then he's like, How about the tees, right? And he's like,

Speaker 1 he's got

Speaker 1 it. Look at that one.

Speaker 1 He's lost weight for this. He's kind of got a flat top on that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he lost weight recently.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Did he really? Yeah, he's to lose.
Wait, let's see. How much weight? To the right.
Oh, wow. Is that Photoshopped or no? That's Photoshop.
That's an Instagram filter.

Speaker 1 He didn't lose any weight. Yeah, maybe.
He looks much thinner.

Speaker 1 I'm the barber for that.

Speaker 1 And you're the guy. You beat Kim Jong-un.

Speaker 1 No, you beat Kim Jong-un-O-N-O-N-O-H.

Speaker 1 I love when you do Asian. You have a good Asian accent.
I love your Asian accent. You have a good Asian accent.

Speaker 1 Good morning, Supreme Leader Keen. Hello.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 So you didn't like

Speaker 1 Mo and Le Arden?

Speaker 1 No, I have seen a new movie

Speaker 1 called Do the Right Thing.

Speaker 1 This hair break people has.

Speaker 1 Foof, fro?

Speaker 1 We have black people attackers.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious. This is like an 80s fucking fro cut.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is 100% a sword. This is a spikely joint.
Yeah, yeah. This is a spikely joint.
Totally.

Speaker 1 Say, go to momenthouse.com. Go to momenthouse.com.
Put Andrew Schultz in the Google search. He's on the main fucking page.
He's on the main search. And honestly, see that because I honestly,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 I hate to blow fucking wind up your ding-dong, but

Speaker 1 when I saw you at Montreal and we did that show together, right, when I saw you the first night, because I didn't know who the fuck you were, right? I literally didn't. And I go, I'll watch this guy.

Speaker 1 I sat there and I just realized, I go, oh, no, this guy is pure

Speaker 1 funny. Like comedy.

Speaker 1 Comedy. And, you know, what I love about him is he takes a point of view that's the opposing opposite and he makes it, he proves a point.
Yeah. You know,

Speaker 1 I know

Speaker 1 you can take the opposing off it, but most comics they fail. But this guy pulls it off.
And that's so, it's the

Speaker 1 craftsmanship of it.

Speaker 1 Very good. I'll let you get it out.
I didn't step on it. Thank you, Peter.
Thank you so much. Yeah, anyway, watch Andrew Schultz's Moment House special.
Thank you, Bill.

Speaker 1 And Fancy has a movie that he produced called American Carnage.

Speaker 1 I'm going to watch it. What is it on? YouTube?

Speaker 1 It's on every VOD platform and on the movie theater. I've got to get it everywhere VOD.
But also, by the way,

Speaker 1 tell him it's filled with very good actors. Jenna Ortega is fucking huge.
Do you know who that is? Yeah, she's great. She's fucking huge.
And George Lindbergh Jr., who I know. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 It looks like a great movie. And isn't that the one with, what's his name in it?

Speaker 1 Eric Dane. Eric Dane.
Eric Dane. I'm friends with Eric.
All right, look at this. Yeah, yeah.
So go watch American Carnage.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be honest with you. Go to Moment House and buy Andrew Schultz's special and watch it.
You're going to love it. And watch American Carnage.
He's got a couple of bucks laying around.

Speaker 1 In your next paycheck.

Speaker 1 Then go watch this on VOD. Go watch American Carnage to support the fancy B because we love him very much.
We got a lot of bad friends crew here. Schultz, love you, dog.
Love you, Doug.

Speaker 1 Thank you, babe. Thank you so much for being a bad friend.
Dude, thank you guys for having me. Thank you, man.
Love you, man.

Speaker 1 Thank you.