Steve-O’s B-Hole Beauty Pageant

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

What's up, bro?

Are you flipping it inside out, man?

Yeah, I'm flipping back.

What happened?

Why'd you have to flip it?

I just realized as I walked here...

Oh, you didn't know it was inside out?

Oh, I like it.

Now we're there. That's how it goes.
Hello. This is Steve-o.
Hello. This is funny.
Yeah, I did. You have pretty good feet, huh? You don't like your feet? I don't feel strongly one way or the other.
About your feet? You have no opinion about it? I feel like you're being mean to them Those are pretty normal feet You have such ugly feet So don't comment about other people's feet I want this to come towards me George get on it Start spreading the news Steve-O is here You don't like that chair dude? So when do we start yeah can i tell my story i have a story i want to tell but nah we already started oh yeah this is how we start this is how we start yeah yeah all right can we do this um what can we all tell stories can we all talk you know when we talk can we all talk yeah because i don't like what you just did what i just do you guys completely ignored me who the fuck are the fuck are you talking to? he was talking then you interrupted him and you wanted to tell a story and nobody gave a fuck about your shit story he had to finish what he was saying why did you do a pause? I already forgot I know I'm quite exhausted what did you do today? I just was edit bay all day. Oh, for your own shit? Yeah.
Movie? What is it? No, no. I was working on a YouTube video called My 10 Craziest Arrests.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, top 10.
Top 10. Not all.
How many times have you been arrested? I mean, really, probably about 14, maybe it was the 12 to 14. Times you've been arrested.
Yeah. How many times have you been arrested i mean really probably about 14 maybe it's the 12 to 14 times you've been arrested yeah how many times you've been arrested none zero zero no you've been arrested yeah for what urinating in public and then disorderly conduct fighting getting we got a bunch of people got arrested for being in a fight it's college oh i see i wasn't i didn't get arrested for anything real maybe well i bit about it bat i bit a bat you got arrested for biting a bat or you just want to talk about biting a bat no i i got arrested for biting a bat how what are you i started the covid anyway i just remembered one yeah i mean it was rather insignificant but it technically counted as an arrest.
I was driving in Beverly Hills with expired tags, a broken windshield. My license was suspended, which meant I had no insurance.
And when the cop sort of took inventory of what was happening, he said, there's too much much going on wrong here so it's actually not a traffic situation this is a criminal matter and i technically have to arrest you but um but i like you so i called the um you know the police station whatever and and they they gave me permission to to to release you but i'm giving you your court summons technically you're being arrested but he recognized you from jackass perhaps yeah it was a catch and release situation and so he said but but I can't let you drive home from here he says I'm gonna have to tow your car and call you a cab. Okay.
So he called me a cab and I'll never forget. I was in the cabin and I just looked at that car as the cab pulled away and just waved goodbye to it because I knew that I was not going to bother trying to get it back from the car.
You said goodbye to the car. I let the tow yard keep the car.
Yeah. And the sad thing about that was that my clown,

I was a professional clown before that.

And it had like my juggling torches.

Fuck, the juggling torches.

Those are expensive.

Those are tough to lose.

Because him and I, you know,

we went to the juggling torch store

and the high-end ones are very expensive.

Seven or eight grand.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't know about seven or eight grand yeah i don't know about

seven or eight grand but well we go to a nice titanium titanium right out of alloys right

my clown wig from uh ringling brothers and barnum and bailey clown college and it's it's

probably still in the trunk of that goddamn car yeah yeah fuck probably a waste of money going

to the college but it was actually free you went to later. No, no, it was actually free.
You went to a scholarship? Full ride. Full ride.
Full ride. Crown College, bro.
Well, I mean, I was living with my sister in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Yeah.
And she wasn't very thrilled about this. I was an alcoholic.
I was a slob. and broke eating all of her food making the house a mess and um she was taking a at work when reading a book of trivia on the while taking a she came across a question it said what is the only college that has no tuition just free to go to yeah and the answer was ringling brothers and barnum and bailey clown college has no tuition if you can get in it's very difficult to get in oh now that the the cool thing is they do charge you for what was called your uh uh materials your future for making your costume your costume cost cost like some $2,000 that you had to, but they waived my costume fee.
So I did go to college on a scholarship. On a scholarship.
Why did they waive your fee, you think? Because you were so fucking good? No way, that's my actual class right there. The one, the big shoe review, that one.
Are you in the poster? I'm sure I rank it. Oh, God damn it.
Is that you? You in there? Okay, I'm top right. Okay.
No, let go. Go top right.
That's right. Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom.
Dude, the one with the white, the white wig that looks kind of like Nikki Sixx's hair. Yeah, right.
That's me that's me above you. Actually, the guy above me didn't speak English.
He was from Mexico City, but he was incredibly talented. Oh, really? What makes him? He giggled good? Yeah.
What makes him talented? You're being real diminutive. What? You're being real fucking diminutive about clown college.
You don't know shit about clown college. You think you need to get through? I don't know.
What's the talent of clown college? It's a very subjective art. That's right.
I think that this guy was just compelling in his mannerisms. Right.
Do you think I could have gone to clown college? I think that you would have been a fantastic clown. No.
Dude, one of the best probably. Oh, Jack.
Dude, I would be the Michael Jordan of clown college. There's never been a famous Asian clown, and there never will.
Do you know why? Because we have strict parents. No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah. No.
Imagine this. Can you Google? It's all in the eyes with clowning.
Wow, dude, look at that. Oh, I see.
See, dude, it really was me. That is you, dude.
That is me, dude. Can you look up famous Asian clown? There's never been, my dude.
Yeah. It's all in the eyes, dude.
Yeah, dude. If you say the eye thing, yeah.
But I'm serious. Look at all the expressionism in this face.
Give me the Asian clown. I mean, Asian clown Dude we look dope bro That's absolutely an Asian clown Dude that's dope bro Honka honka Honka honka Honka honka Honka honka There's no fucking chance There was a famous Asian clown There's another one There's two of other ones We never said there was not An Asian clown The most disappointed Asian clown What There was an Asian clown There's no famous Asian clown I's another one.
There's two of other ones. We never said there was not an Asian club.
The most disappointed Asian club.

There was an Asian club.

There's no famous Asian club.

I see, I see.

Just never,

they never made it.

So I have a resentment

towards you.

Can I express it?

I would love that.

Real, this is not even a joke.

Sure.

You're not fucking around?

I'm not even fucking around.

This is real

and this is so fucked up

what you did.

Maybe we can clear away

some wreckage of my past.

That's what I'm doing right now.

And it's a recent thing, so it's a recent thing.

I welcome the opportunity.

Okay, good.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

So I'm hanging out with my friend Gene late at night.

We went to see the movie Top Gun.

Okay.

Okay.

And I've only heard positive reviews of this movie.

We loved it.

So good.

We really highly suggest it.

So fucking good.

It's late at night.

It's probably 1130. And Steve-O never texts me.
Text? He never texts me. Text.
Well, I gave up on texting you a long time ago because you never respond. Correct.
Okay. And I've long had a resentment towards you for that.
Oh, well, and I'm willing to listen to your resentment. And I'd love to address that as well.
Right. I mean, we have.
We have. All right, so let me just finish mine though.
Let me finish mine, all right? Yeah. So, I need to talk to you.
No, no, no, I said, are you up? Okay, are you up? Much less urgent. Just are you up? As if you are.
Okay, mind you, mind you, are you up, right? At midnight, when somebody doesn't text you for years, is alarming. Okay.
Is it not? Wait, wait, it said, are you up? Yeah. What time of night was it? Midnight.
Yeah, he's just being like, yo, did you get out of a show? Are you hanging out? Yeah, I wouldn't scare you up. So he would never, what? Okay, because here's- Just let me say, that would mean, right? If you text me text me a minute are you up that means you need to talk about something yeah okay right so that's doesn't mean it's the end of the world i just want to ask you something i want to talk to you all right but to me i'm worried okay right are you up oh fuck steve something's going on right so i'm driving i go and just hear me out right ask gene i was frantic i gotta call Steve right now so I called Steve I didn't call right away I called right away because when you text me like what's up dude you want to go skate or whatever like that I won't text you back but are you up I text back because I'm concerned I love you I mean you called yeah I love you well that means a lot and he goes dude let me just try to you know I what I mean? Yeah.
Dude, you know Johnny Knoxville?

Like, of course I know Johnny Knoxville.

I mean, I don't know him personally, you know what I mean?

Well, you know, he doesn't have a website or something like that, right?

Something like that.

Well, right, but I was pretty.

Just let me finish.

I thought I just texted you the link.

I know, I know.

Oh, what?

See, there's a thing.

Just let me finish.

Here's the thing.

This is so funny.

Like, you're so inaccurately telling the story. I never knew.
And then when he corrects you, you go,'s the thing. Let me finish.
Here's the thing. This is so funny.
You're so inaccurately telling the story.

I never knew. And then when he corrects you, you go, let me finish.
Let me finish. You're getting it wrong.
Right, right, right. And then he's correcting and you're like, can I please tell the story? It was a big deal to me.
Yeah. That, I mean, this is over a year ago.
Well, maybe closer to two years ago. my buddy

who I work with

out of curiosity

he wanted to see if the jackass guys had merchandising operations if they have websites so he typed in johnny knoxville.com lo and behold he found it to be available for purchase and i bought it should yeah and i made this big dude I worked for years on this whole fucking thing, this epic video which launched this crazy business initiative. And it was the night that I was unveiling, the website was to be launched.
And I'm refreshing it, but it's and so i'm thinking damn my phone is remembering a cache of an old version i need to contact somebody who can just tell me is this fucking site live that makes sense this makes sense and i text bob so i'm the guy i'm the guy i texted a bunch of people i texted a bunch Or who texted you back? I think you're the only guy who texted me back or called me back. Because I love you the most.
Yeah, you clearly love me more than any of these other people. Yeah.
But it was just as simple as, hey man, is that live? Is that live? So I'm in the car. Is that live? Can we go on our computer? Go to johnnynoxville.com.
This is what I'm doing in the car with my friend in the car with me. Yeah.
Late at night. All right, so.
So I'm on the phone. I go, yep.
He says, I'm Johnny Knoxville. Welcome to my anus.
And you watch his hair turn great. Is that your dick, Steve? Whose dick is that? That's just a.
It's a nice looking dick. Boom.
And then you enter the website. It goes to my online store.
The guy in the car was a producer of a show of mine.

Yeah.

Of a show that I'm doing, right?

So?

Okay.

It was embarrassing.

What's embarrassing?

Right.

Yeah.

I have a guy in the car that I'm trying to impress and be cool, right?

Yeah.

And meanwhile, now we're looking inside your butthole.

Well, but his butthole takes you to his site. That's true.
That's true. There is a destination.
Yeah, you don't think Gene would find that creative? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is really pretty special.
I'd like to see it again. Let's loop it again.
If you don't mind. I do think it's actually a fucking cool creative idea.
I mean, it's a flattering shot of my butthole. Yeah, and you have a really clean tush.
Is that really your butthole? It's absolutely my cavernous cavernous butthole yeah yeah yeah plus plus look at the hang i got on my balls dude yeah you got a great killer you got a killer hang i did i mean i'm touching water whoa cool butt yeah uh by the way this is uh this is broody jewels this Jewels. Steve, what do you think about his butthole and nuts?

You want to rate him?

It's clean.

Clean.

Very good.

Very deep.

Very deep.

Very good.

I think that's the camera, though.

It's the camera.

It's also ILM, like, you know what I mean?

Special effects.

No, no, no.

That was all raw.

That was raw footage.

Oh, that was raw footage?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

There was no editing.

No camera trickery? No filters. No, there was no editing.
All right. It was, I mean, the lighting, the light, it was a little bit side lit.
Still, dude. So it did look a little bit more cavernous.
Maybe, can I judge it? Yeah. Yeah.
A little dark. You're worried about the dark.
The cheeks were white. Yeah.
If you look at the cavern part, it's really dark. Right, okay.
Right, so I don't know what that's from. Standing? Huh? Do it again.
Watch it again. Watch it again.
Can I propose? Watch it again. And then can you, all right, so watch it again.
Watch. Can I propose? Wait, wait, let me just, I have this straw, right? I'm just gonna, can I, man? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I'll prep, you can't press pause on that anyway when it goes, when it does that, it does that.
I'm going to show you. I'm going to show you, right?

All right, let's see.

Oh, that's it.

Now they fucked it up.

Oh, there it is.

No.

There it is.

Yeah, there it is.

Dark, dark.

That's hair.

I fucked up.

Oh, we thought those were scars?

Maybe we could all have a butthole beauty pageant right now.

Very nice.

Let's do it.

We could spread our cheeks as wide as possible. I took a shit like 45 minutes ago.
Let's see your butthole. Dude.
I took a shit 45 minutes ago. Let's see your butthole, dude.
Can I tell you something that's very premature? Because we've only just gotten the samples and only today did we make the order for uh a bulk order like 10,050 packs of steve-o's butt wipes for your butthole you got butt wipes coming i've got butt wipes and they're called for the butthole i mean steve-o's butt wipes for your butthole okay but can i say something Aren't all butt wipes for the butthole? Why would you need to put the second? No. Some butt wipes are for, you know, cleaning a counter.
Butt wipes are versatile. Like a table.
Waitresses use it sometimes. They do.
They're like, oh, let me wipe the table down before you guys eat. Those are butt wipes.
Is that a butt wipe? That's not a... It's a table butt wipe.
It's a table butt wipe. It's a butt wipe for the table.
Yeah, we have Steve-O's butt wipes for your butt hole in the bathroom. In the bathroom, I see.
You can use those on your own. Uh-oh, here we go.
He's gonna show us the butt hole. You're spilling the drink? He can spill the drink.
It's fine. Okay, you can do whatever you want.
Can you... Okay, thanks, Jules.
I still think we should... Steve-O's butt wipes for your butt hole.
And he's got his butt hole on the packaging, which is actually pretty fucking dope. Let me see.
Let me see, please. Let's not get away from the fact that...
It's very good. Bob, let's do your butthole and he's got his butthole on the packaging which is actually pretty fucking dope let's not get away from the fact that Bob let's do your butthole competition let's see if your butthole is as nice as Steve's you talked about his butthole like it's bad I understand that but since we're doing a competition and since I feel like I'm the champion you should go first because I have the belt so I think you should go first what do you mean he's got the belt in terms of rankings though you're at number one but I'm ranked higher than him I, I, my, so I think you should go first.
What do you mean he's got the belt? He has a nicer butt. In terms of rankings, though, dude, you're at number one, but I'm ranked harder than him.
Does she have to leave the room for this? Jules, are you comfortable with butthole? I'll just close my eyes. Yeah.
Me too. Oh, my God.
Yeah, but I just took a shit right before we came here. Wow, dude, he's really going to do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.
Wow. All right.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. I didn't think you were gonna do it.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. Was it cool? I didn't think you were gonna do it.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. I didn't think you were gonna do it.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. I didn't think you were gonna do it.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. I didn't think you were gonna do it.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. I didn't think you were gonna do it.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. I didn't think you were gonna do it.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. I didn't think you were gonna do it.
I didn't think you were gonna do it. I It is? It's fucking spotless.
Thank you, dude. I didn't see yours.
I had a side angle. Steve saw mine.
You saw the inside of his? Is it pink? I assume. I mean, dude, for two guys who just took shits, both luck just cleaning up to eat off of.
Fuck yeah, man. Fuck yeah.
Who do you think of our crew, if you're looking at these guys, who do you think has the cleanest butthole of those three guys? I don't know, but I'm just wildly impressed by both of you for how attractive your buttholes are. Thank you, Steve.
And for the way that you guys just fucking broke them out. We did it.
thank you. And you know what? Yeah.
Our buttholes are the same.

We both have nice buttholes.

You know, it's so funny.

Don't.

Can I say something?

Don't try to one-up my ass.

I'm one-upping you.

Yeah.

I'm agreeing with you.

Thank you.

What I'm saying is,

I like to be competitive with you.

Sure.

With comedy, numbers, all these things.

You know, we do a playful, you know.

Numbers?

I don't know.

What kind of numbers?

But when it comes to buttholes, I love being on an even plane with you we're an even plane butthole yeah you're right very good and God bless do you want to finish the story of the text that this was it you got a text from him about getting to a website live you freaked out in front of Gene Hong I I mean I it seems pretty logical can I get an apology oh you want to yeah I wanted the apology I blessed this was the the fucking most exciting news and I for you I gave him I gave him I gave him I gave him I gave him a sneak peek yeah I hadn't talked to you on the phone in years we saw you came up to on the van to my house and I did your podcast maybe five six months ago it was wildly was wildly successful. Exactly.
And you're welcome. Yeah.

Don't wink at me.

You're welcome.

Fucking perv.

But just apologize.

And then you have a resentment toward me.

So go ahead.

I mean, like I worked out my deal with you.

You know, like I text you.

I don't expect to text back anymore.

I don't let it hurt my feelings.

Smart.

All right.

But can I –

And to the extent that you were upset with me sharing this exciting hilarious website yeah before anybody got to see it you were the first i was the first guy to see it i'm sorry that's cool thank you yeah you know what you're right thank you i'm i'm sorry you're do people say that? I'm sorry if you were offended. I'm sorry that you were offended.
No, we laughed. You know, I'll be honest with you.
The truth be told, we laughed for about 30 minutes straight. Yeah, I'm sure Gene was like, this is incredible.
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Thank you. friends that's babble.com bad friends for up to 60 off your subscription babble language for life i watched the bonus footage of the of the movie on the flight the other day coming back dude some of that stuff well it's not it's foreign what is it called you the extra footage it was like four and a half or whatever uh 4.5 yeah this is um it's uh of ancillary movie of uh deleted essentially.
Have you seen it? No. Have you seen the newest Jackass or no? I didn't.
Well, fuck you. I've seen all the first three though and I love them.
When we make a Jackass movie. Don't fucking look at me like that.
You should have watched it. Your friend is in it who supports you.
I saw the first three. I saw three of them.
I didn't see, you know, Attack of the Clones or whatever. You know what I mean? Oh, right.
I saw the first three main ones, right? And then later, you know, they did Attack of the Clones and all these other ones. And I'll get to it.
I'll stream it. But my point is that I saw the original three.
I'm not tripping. New Hope, Empire Strikes, Return of the Jedi.
That's what the first three are. You saw the first three.
Yeah, so I think that's good enough. Dude, our friendship's not contingent upon you consuming my art.
But he is going to take that with him in future dealings when you're like, hey, can you watch this thing for me? No. No, that's not true.
And let me say something that really does mean a lot to me. Yeah.
I asked Bobby for some feedback on my hour. Oh, on your stand-up hour.
Yeah, he came right over and watched it. Sweet Prince.
Gave me feedback. And it was really interesting because I had been doing stand-up for just five five years and I was about to tape my first special which I was not ready to do and I asked Bobby to come over to give me feedback on this hour like maybe a week before the actual you know and Bobby's like why did you wait until a week before because it was me and Ian Edwards we went over there we're Like, what what what do we what can we do in a fucking week you have to cut the whole fucking thing up i know because also we you know we you have to go up and try this these new ideas that we might have had or whatever right i mean it was uh very helpful and and uh you know they'd like the special did come out like the best that i was capable of at Sure.
Yeah, it was great. And it's nice to have a mile marker, so to speak, to show the growth since then.
And so I'm happy about it. We have history, you and I.
We do. Yeah, and I've seen different versions of Steve-O.
And I was telling, I was telling Kalilah earlier today, I go,

I always say this, I go,

God, what a different guy,

huh? Because I knew him when he was drug drug.

Yeah. When he was wild.

And it was ugly. Bad,

huh? Pretty bad, dude. Yeah.

It was wild. But now it's good.
It's great.

He's a completely different guy.

And how much time have you been sober forever now? 14 years. That's amazing.
But that's how long we go back. How much time do you have now? You know I went out.
I did hear that. Five months now.
Sober. Six.
Almost six, yeah. Yeah.
And when you were recently in treatment, that was like sort of a guarded secret that people did not know. Yeah.
In fact, when we were in Cancun to do our show, you were there. And I did everything I can to avoid you because I was drunk.
You were drinking. Yes.
Because I remember you initially going out and it being just weed. No, he drinking i was drinking he threw up all over the hotel room i had to fucking take care of him it was fucking the worst yeah and the poo thing i'm sorry yeah he fucking this guy man i go to help him out to clean up all the throw up in his room and he comes to the door naked with poop all over his hand and poop on his toilet paper and he's what he's shitting in the dark because he doesn't want the lights on yeah yeah and he's like there's a poop and it's dude it was it was fucking nuts were you just trying to avoid sober people you specifically because i know you were definitely he was trying to avoid you for sure yeah because there wasn't a lot of other comics you're a sober guy and i i feel felt shame about it right you know i mean because you know we that's how we know each other too you know i mean i mean we knew each other long before i got sober but our bond is that one of our we have two bonds right we have the bond of being sober and we have the bond of being entertainers as well right but i think the first thing goes beyond the, right? It's a big deal.
It's a big deal. It's a big deal, but you got to know that I wouldn't have...
It was embarrassing. It was shame.
We were fucking bummed. It was really hard for us.
It was hard. Yeah, because we had to deal with it the whole time.
We had to like... Were you drinking around Andrew? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. At dinner, yeah.
So we'd sit down at dinner and andre and i would sit there and so manipulative i'd get like a diet coke and a water and then he'd order a drink and then we'd try to tell them we'd be like come on no we're not gonna have a drink and then we'd tell the server no booze and they'd bring him a drink anyway because he would be like well because he's he's an icon he's a beloved they had no idea who he was down there they had literally no clue but she kept going he would like flirt with her and be sweet and she thought maybe it was a joke she thought we were kidding yeah when we were like no no no no more no alcohol no more we're done yeah and so she they kept bringing him fucking margaritas and shit so and then he got mad He got in a fight with me because he told me to go get him a drink.

And then I said,

okay,

because he'd already been drinking.

So I went and I got,

you know,

something.

And I told him to mix a bunch of shit in there with no alcohol.

And then he got in a yelling match.

There's no booze.

There's no booze in here.

And I was like,

there's so much booze in there.

The whole thing is booze. Yeah.
I'm not dumb, dude. But you were already drunk.
I thought you wouldn't give a fuck. I know.
I know what booze tastes like. Did you have the experience that over any period, we get worse, never better? Did you pick up where your alcoholism had left off and worse? Yeah like automatically like just zero to charlie sheen right oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it was 24 hours a day yeah the puke and the poop were a key indication of where he was at and then you know when i first got to his fucking hotel room he opens his suitcase it was like narcos i mean it was like i was like like, where did you fly from? And he came from Hawaii with like a pound of fucking weed, pills all over the place.
Wait, he didn't fly with a pound of weed. Yes, he did.
Internationally? Yes, he did. That's fucking...
Yes, I can't make that up. We both got to the room and I was like, how did you guys get through, dude? This is not good.
I mean, it was just like bags and bags of weed weed it was pre-roll joints and then it was three bags of individual reed then it was jars of pot and then it was uh fucking wow tons of edibles yeah i was like why would you fly with all this i needed it i needed it that was but that was it just for the drugs it was just the weed anyway can we talk not talk about i'm sober now no we're not talking about we don't have to talk about it i know you we know i've had reached spiritual enlightenment and you got a trophy because you kicked the habit and I'm on a new road to recovery you sure are baby we're proud of you I love that and I appreciate that I'm happy that you're back I think that and whenever anybody goes out, meaning whenever anybody relapses, I feel so profoundly grateful because here, like, they're reminding me of the importance of protecting my sobriety. Yeah.
You know? Reminds you to stay sober. Yeah, it reminds me to be diligent about working a program of recovery well that's we see that's and it's a lesson i've learned many times is once you start drifting away you're already in a danger spot right you can you stop if you stop calling your sponsors when you stop going to meetings and then you just it just it's just inevitable and you you you can last for years that way but it's a ticking time bomb.
Right. Yeah, so...
And whenever somebody loses time, it's tougher to come back and sobriety becomes more tenue. But I'm glad that Bob's got support systems in the sober community, like you, that fucking help.
Yeah. Because it does yeah and you know there's only two ways to work the steps you do or you don't yeah that's really it and and if you're not working with others you're kind of not doing it that's this is the microcosm of this show by the way we go from showing our fucking assholes i know to get them seriously's the beauty of this show.
We'll go way up there. I'm still very impressed by that.
Now, let me, let me ask a question here because you said that you like to be competitive with Andrew over comedy. You said over numbers.
Everything. And, um, like the idea, I'm fascinated by the idea that you've got the Tiger Belly podcast.
You've got your... Whiskey Ginger, yeah.
Whiskey Ginger. And yet, you both have this podcast together.
Yeah. So, is this podcast, numbers-wise, more successful than your individual podcast? It is.
I think so, yeah. It's not a thing.
It's very democratic. No, it's literal.
It is. These are the producers that tell you.
It is. This one is bigger.
So you guys together are larger than the sum of your producers. We're the Avengers.
We are. We're the Avengers.
We are. Right.
And which one am I? See, that's what I'm saying. Because there's not a lot of Avengers I can be.
What do you mean? What do you mean? You can be Captain America. You can be all these other ones.
What can I be? Now, Tiger Belly is a pretty big podcast, right? Yeah, it's pretty big. It's pretty big.
Thank you. It's not as big as this, but it's pretty big.
Is it not as big as this? It's a completely different audience, man. It's a completely different audience.
That's all people that look like her, a lot of that Tiger Belly audience. It's a lot of browns.
It's a lot of South browns. It's a lot of South Asian browns.
Yeah, yeah. asian browns who just got back from the south asian brown didn't you yeah you happy to be back in the united states or no a little bit she said she got drunk the whole time is that what you did for real yeah and i got constipated i couldn't poo for like two weeks that's because you're not drinking enough water are you pooing now that you're back in the states yeah your congratulations i'm playing every'm coming every day.
That's why this is the greatest country in the world. And tomorrow night, you have to do that show.
I already said I would go. But her boyfriend's coming.
That dude is going to come? Yeah. Wow.
And I told her. Are we going to bring him on stage? No, no, no.
Why not? Why not? She's got a new boyfriend, Steve, and she's in love. Yeah, yeah.
Make sure you hug him because I said I was going to give him a 20-second hug. and make sure you touch his face to see what his face looks like okay you and I were making a pack right now yeah we're gonna hug him together and then you kiss one cheek and I kiss the other one okay good you want to say yeah yeah but the kiss has to be like one of those fit 10 second yeah a sloppy how about this let's make a bet let's see who can hold a kiss on his cheek for the longest amount of time of time.
I'm going to win that one. You think so? I can go 45 minutes.
I'm strong. I'll just hold him.
Yeah, I can go 45 minutes. Is he a big guy? Is he strong? He's fine.
Bobby's got that by a mile. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can kiss forever. Yeah, but I can hold him.
If he's physically stronger than you, then you're in trouble. We've never kissed, right? We haven't needed to for me to know.
Go give him a kiss. Go give him a kiss.
You want to give him a kiss? He's got a girlfriend. That's weird.
He's got a wife. A wife.
Fiance. Fiance, fiance, fiance, fiance.
Are you with your fiance? Would you be allowed to kiss someone like Bobby or no? Yeah. She'd be okay with that.
Let me ask you something like this. She would be, I think, reasonably comfortable with that.
Go on then. So the no masturbation, because I'm doing the no masturbation thing, right? Okay.
So I'm going to ask you about this. Okay.
I just did today before I came here. VR by the way.
So how long did you not masturbate for? I did not ejaculate for the entire year of 2014. And the total period of my celibacy was 431 days, which came to, I believe, 13 months or maybe 15 months, I don't know.
It was from like October, 2013 to February of 2015. How good was the nut you busted when you busted the first one? Dude, it was lack fucking luster, man.
A marshmallow came out. Nah, nah, it wasn't that.
Yeah, yeah. Dude, it wasn't.
It was Ghostbusters all over again. It wasn't even that even that fucking great.
Now, I know... Was it jerking off or was it with somebody? I jerked off, yeah.
Did porn or just your mind? And it wasn't even that... It didn't feel that great.
It wasn't that impressive of a load. It just landed unceremoniously on my tummy.
I took a photo of and uh texted it to everybody i think i got that i think i got that text that one you respond yeah that one i responded no resentment over that one yeah yeah let me so let me ask you something because you don't jack out for over a year right right and so you're you're i don't i'm not a medical guy right but you see i assume you're not i'm not i assume guy, right? But you see, I assume. You're not? I'm not a medical guy.
I assume that your body, right, generates, you know what I mean, your scrotum generates sperm. Yeah.
Right. So where does the old sperm go? It just goes right into your body, back into your body? It's just gonna cycle through your body.
Oh, I see. So it comes out of your ass, actually.
So you have sperm coming out of your asshole. Well, what happens is it cycles through your digestive tract, right? So that at some point, it comes out of go somewhere.
Out of your. Do you sweat it out? You can.
You can be sweating jizz. Yeah.
So like when you're at a dry sauna, they're just out of the pores of your skin. They're coming.
Where does old jizz go, Carlos? Yeah. What happens to jizz that doesn't come out? What happens to sperm if you don't ejaculate? I think we've literally done this on this show.
It's reabsorbed into your body. There you go.
It's reabsorbed. Or nocturnal emissions when you night come.
Have you ever night come? Dude, throughout that period of celibacy, there were many times where in my dream, I was in some sexual situation and about to come, but I was like, no, I can'triety in the dream in the dream in the dream this motherfucker sober in dreams wow that's how dedicated he is to sobriety insane so what is it you're not watching you're not jerking off now no i'm jerking off to no porn but i'm still go to memory but i can't do it through memory because your memory is bad i have bad fantasies i'm not creative i i'm. My buddy bought me the Oculus.
I've done that before. It's so cool.
Have you done that? Have you seen VR porn? I've not seen VR porn, but I swear I've porn a long time ago. So you're done off of it.
I made one exception for a bit for my new hour that I'm touring with. That's a good exception.
It's called Skyjacking. Oh, I know.
We talk about this. Wait, what do you do that's this is where uh it was a stunt you know i had very like a handful of stunts that i'd had the ideas for years and years but just never there was kind of like too much to go for and i said fuck it i'm going for him one of the ideas was to go skydiving for the first time butt naked furiously jacking off with another man strapped to my back and time it so that when i'm below my load i'm simultaneously falling out of the airplane just coming everywhere and it was it's it's it's art it's art's art.
It's the crown jewel of my goddamn entire career

is what it is.

It's fucking art.

Is it raining?

I feel like it's raining.

No, that's not rain.

It's skyjabs.

Yeah, yeah.

It's so...

I mean, like,

it was the most challenging thing to put together.

You did it?

Oh, yeah.

Wait a minute.

You jerked off.

You did it.

Yeah, you did it.

Oh, I did it.

And I screened the footage in the theater

every... You know, it's my bucket list show, dude.
Where can we see it? You did it. I did it.
And I screened the footage in the theater.

It's my bucket list show, dude.

Where can we see it?

Can we see it here?

I mean, it's exclusive to my tour.

It's on his tour.

He shows it live.

It'll come out whenever I tape that special.

But it's a triple X rated multimedia comedy tour that I'm on.

And it's called the Bucket List Tour.

Oh, wow. Yeah.
So let me ask you this. you this because I remember years ago I was telling Jules this.
I saw something that wasn't on the Jackass because I used to kind of hang out with not you but Wee Man or whatever back in the day. And I saw Chris Pontius jerk off in a patio in front of his friends and they try to...
Right. Let me ask you something right now.
is there could you jerk off no i don't want to do it but just theoretically could you jerk off with andrew and i in the same room get a wreck and ejaculate um it it's it's challenging that that's what made this skyjacking stunt so challenging was that that uh i had another man strapped to my back yeah and he was only wearing a fucking speedo so that was kind of awkward and it was a tiny little airplane was full of all my buddies and everybody had cameras pointed at me yeah point blank so you had to get hard Did you take Viagra? I took four Cialis pills.

You have to.

Yeah.

And you watch porn.

I brought a portable DVD player.

Yeah.

And what kind of porn did you watch?

It was, we actually went to a porno DVD store.

Wow.

Fancy. And candidly, as I looked through all the titles and made my selection, I just based my choice off of like, you know, the prettiest porn star that I saw on the cover of, I didn't, it never even occurred to me to read the title, which was like anal destruction for, you know, like.
I have two and three. Yeah, yeah, they're very good.
Those are good. Opstar., Andrew.
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Go to upstart.com slash badfriends. Dude, now let me tell you this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had this, I like the way I look better when I've shaved my chest and everything.
I just don't like my chest hair. So I like to shave it.
And I shave my bush and everything. So at one point, I shaved everything, and I had all of my body hair in a big pile in my hand, and I took a photo and posted it.
I was like, look at him, nice and clean shave, this big mountain of hair in my hand. And my buddy Preston Lacey said,

dude, you should save

all your pubic hair

and make a fucking Sasquatch suit

just out of pubic hair.

So that's what I started doing.

I would grow it full

and then I would harvest

and then grow it and repeat.

I had like fucking three years

I'm going to go ahead and then I would harvest, and then grow it and repeat. I had fucking three years of pubic hair.
And as I got ready to do this, I realized that three years of my own growing pubic hair was just not even fucking getting close. I really wanted to look like a cool fucking Sasquatch.
Right.

So what I did was I went on my social media and I said, hey, everybody in the Southern California area, I'm having a pubic party, okay? I'm calling all males with healthy pubic party. I'm calling all males with healthy pubic bushes to come meet me.
You have to bring your own shaving equipment. I use Manscaped.
I love Manscaped. That's what I learned learned.
And so like hundreds of people showed up. And here I harvested.
How many dudes showed up? Realistically. Dude, I have the footage of it.
It was a fuck ton of people. And I got like, out of it, I got like a goddamn bonafide Ralph's grocery bag full of fucking pubic hair.
Could you make a sass watch with it? Oh yeah, I did it. What about women? Women have pubic hair.
Respect for my lady. Here was the takeaway.
Two takeaways. Number one, Manscaped really is, I handled so many different shavers, and if it was a Manscaped, it was like, you know.
God bless Manscaped. Yeah, they knew what they were doing.
It was very clear by the end of that, that Manscaped really is the top. That's the footage they should use for their commercial.
They really wanna sell those fucking hair. I tried, I tried.
They didn't wanna do it. They didn't have releases for fucking hundreds of people.
I was like, poor planning. But the other takeaway, and this, it blew my mind because I didn't ask for everybody to show me their wieners.
Didn't ask. But the thing was that's pulling down their their their pants just to get to get their very easy if you want to like you know offer me your pubic bush to pull it down just enough that i don't have to see your wiener i can just shave your pubic hair however like so many dudes just pulled down a little too far and And I learned, I saw so many penises.
I learned what a micro penis is. Oh, there was a guy that had one.
Dude, they're not fucking particularly rare. Wait, what? You saw more than one micro penis? I saw more than one micro penis.
How common are micro penises? Because I've heard this lore, but I've never seen it. I'm dead.
I want to see one in've seen it in the books. I've only heard about it.
Look at this. Estimates vary, but studies have shown that 0.6% of men worldwide.
That's insanely low. So one in every 10,000 births.
Maybe you don't know what a micropenis looks like. Dude, I'm telling you.
You would look at mine and go, that's micropenis, but I don't think I have one. Spring up a photo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did.
Dude, I don't even need to see a photo because this is what I will describe to you. Okay.
Like, the fucking dude. You know a light switch where you click the light switch? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, I'm talking about the size of a goddamn light switch. I saw some shit like this.
A real penis. Like, where it's down.
Once it just pops up like a light switch let me ask can i ask you something could have been a clip no could it have been a clip tiny fucking wieners because i always considered myself that's regular i always considered myself pretty normal thank you you know average you know average yeah i came out of that pube party thinking that i am fucking gargantuan yeah you got a big old penis compared to those guys can i just say that you're a celebrity and maybe they were nervous oh yeah maybe they got a little scared i was looking at my dick and then it just shrunk up i'm talking about like fucking pinky topped it top like like last knuckle wow this I saw Pinky, the fucking outer edge knuckle.

How was their disposition? were these guys happy guys? I mean dude they seemed actually totally happy you know what? that's just proof it doesn't matter it doesn't matter if you have a tiny penis you can still be a happy guy I don't know I don't think so these guys got to hang out with Steve and show them I don't think so if I had one I do you think statistically men are sadder with smaller penises I think so so you think sad people just have small penises so when you see a sad guy small is one thing right because I go to the Wii Spa and I look at the black men no they're just there I see I look at the black sure go on and I give them a nod that says congrats no it's more of a like whoa like as if you're seeing Kanye neat no like whoa whoa you're here you know what I mean and I've seen you know what I mean but I've seen a couple of dudes with really small ones right you don't look them in the eye I don. Not only don't I look them in the eye, I kind of like avoid them.
You spit at them. In that way.
I don't, yeah. Spit right at their little dicks.
I do a choggy. You know what I mean? No, my point is that there is a disrespect there.
For small penises. Yeah.
And if they were like a little man and they had a micro, I'd be like, oh, proportionally. But I've seen bigger dudes with mics little mics and it's just mics big guys little mic how do you guys feel about the roe versus wade ah man we're really hitting all the key marks on this show i uh you mean so we can just get away from fucking okay i have an unpopular opinion what i'm I'm not pro-choice or pro-life.
I'm pro-abortion. Because, let me qualify this.
Okay. I believe that there are some people who just should not be fucking allowed to have kids.
Straight up. Okay, I get this.
It's absurd that you have to get a license to drive a car, to catch a fucking fish. You have to get a license.
But any asshole can create a human being, become a parent. Okay, let me – I'll give you a scenario, right? Let's say Andrew and I, I'm a woman, right? I'll be the woman in this scenario.
He's the guy. Of course.
We're both married, right? Right. And you're the – you know what I mean? the person at the government or wherever, right, that's interviewing us to see if we can advocate.
Kind of like when you go to the DMV, you got a test drive. Right.
So we're coming in. Hi.
Hi. My name is Konyoko.
I'm Konyoko Santino. This is my husband, Andrew Santino.
Hey, this is me and my wife. All right.
Yeah. Ask us some questions because we want to have babies.
I think that like what should be the benchmark for getting licensed to become a parent? I think that... You're supposed to ask us a question.
We're in a scenario here, Steve. I mean, I think that you should have to pass a course in developmental psychology.
Okay. Because You're telling us the characters in this scenario or you're just telling Andrew and Bobby this? In general.
I think that people are ignorant of the different stages of developmental psychology in ways that really harm their children in the long term. Yeah.
One of the few things I remember from the university, when I was at the University of Miami, I remember like learning Piaget's, this philosopher guy or whatever, this psychologist, his developmental psychology. And he pinned it down to like a where okay babies uh just come home right like newborn baby it's in the crib and it's crying like there's there's a philosophy like i'm not gonna come and see that every time the baby cries and like like let me feel like teach my baby that that the crying gets you somewhere right you know yeah that's That's bad.
That was my dad, by the way, did that to me. He said, fucking cry all you want, bitch.
You know? But here, that, what that. Well, so you're not allowed to have a baby cry? Well, because the baby doesn't know about the world, right? It feels upset.
It feels sad. It's scared.
It's crying. It's responses if you pick it up every time it cries.
The theory is that it wouldn't understand. It thinks that that's how it gets everything it needs if it cries.
Well, right. But the reality is, according to Piaget, is that the baby learns about the world.
Okay, I need comfort. I'm scared.
The world doesn't fucking care about me. And this is where deviance starts.
Now, the next thing I remember, it's like, the world doesn't give a fuck about me, I don't give a fuck about the world. Fuck everybody.
That starts in the crib, handle the baby crying Then when you get what are you supposed to do? I have a friend I think you're supposed to come and can comfort it like hey if the baby's crying you comfort it Yeah, I think that that's what I remember. All right So when you were crying you weren't comforted correct and your dad went fuck the baby let him cry right and I'm deviant as all hell yeah I'm just trying to learn

not to have one of you

right

yeah yeah yeah

alright so

cause if you don't do that

then you're gonna have

a fucking baby

in the sky

jacking off

you know what I mean

so

there's a lot of ways

of thought though

it makes sense

and I remember being

particularly fascinated

by this

there was

with potty training

right

the baby

you know

like there's

a position

you can take

Thank you. being particularly fascinated by this there was uh with with potty training right the baby you know like there's a position you can take that like oh that's bad i'm gonna fucking tell you you just fucking did something wrong that's bad and we're gonna we're gonna teach you the right way and that's not it well in the baby's mind that they did nothing like nothing wrong right like it's it's a perfectly natural thing.
And now I'm being scolded for pooping and peeing where like I can't help that. And so this is where insecurity can come from.
No matter what I do, no matter what I do. So you just let them shit and pee wherever they want.
I don't know, see. No, I'm asking you.
I'm not a fucking parent. This is something that people should.
He didn't get a license. Yeah.
He didn't get a license. This is something, you know.
But that is interesting. So if you scold a baby for shitting and pooing.
Then it's like. It creates insecurity.
Yeah, the world's not fair. You know, I didn't.
I'm being punished for something that I have no control over. It's perfect.
So just let them him go free no matter if I do the right thing or the wrong thing the world's gonna fucking shit it's gonna punish me and the world's not fair and so so you hold a baby when it's crying we're learning you hold a baby when it's crying right if it shits in pee just shit and piss him off. I got him a second.
What about if he steals the toys from other kids?

What do you do?

You don't let him.

You say no.

I just assume you would say no.

I don't remember that from...

No, I'm just asking

what you think.

What do you think?

If your child...

If your kid is stealing

a toy from another kid,

what does Steve-O do? And let's be real. Steve-O's kid steals a toy from another kid.
Yeah. What do you do? What does Steve-O do? What does Steve-O do? Fuck, man.
See, this is too heavy. That's why I got a vasectomy.
I can't deal with this. That's why I got a vasectomy.
What would you do? that's why I got a vasectomy what would you do? because you wouldn't get the license then I'd shoot blanks I'd cut my vas deferens if my kid steals another kid's toy I'm the other father hey man your kid just we're at preschool. Can they watch? What?

Is there a window where we watch?

Yeah, we're watching.

Yeah, we're looking after a fucking one-way mirror.

Yeah, it's like the feds.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we're in that one-way mirror.

Yeah.

Yo, dude, I just saw your kid steal a toy from my kid.

Oh, no shit.

Yeah.

What kind of toy?

What did he steal?

Tonka.

Oh, Tonka truck.

Yeah, Tonka truck.

Yeah, he loves Tonka trucks.

Yeah.

So that's what you would do?

Do you have kids, Andrew?

No, no.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

What do you mean?

Yeah, he loves those trucks.

Yeah.

You're not going to...

What's that?

Steal?

Scold your kid?

Hey, buddy.

Is that your truck?

It's his, right?

Good boy. That's what you would do? do you gotta take what you want in this world and don't let these little fucking Asian pieces of shit I was teaching him two things two things I take what I want and racism and start Asian hate yeah right so you're teaching two things I like that nah what if your kid if your kid does something wrong tell me tell me don't know no I would do that that's what you would do tell me tell me don't know no yeah tell me tell me don't know right tell me tell me don't know no tell me tell me don't know no right oh tell me don't know no i would probably go to the other baby i'm sorry i would i would always have to have some sort of accent probably i'm sorry right and i would bring it back give it it back to the kid.
Give him the toy back. Right? And Tommy, no, no, no.
Right? Tommy, my son, right? Tommy said, why not? Why not? Right? That's right. Why not? And I would have to come to you and call you, probably.
Yeah. Why not? I'd go let him steal the toy.
Yeah, and I'd bring it back to Tommy. Tommy, yes, yes, yes.
Tommy, Tommy, don't, no, no. Yeah, yeah.
But Tommy, yes, yes, yes, yes. A lot of yeses for Tommy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there's no right way to fucking parent.
It's got to be a fucking nightmare. It's a total fucking nightmare.
All of our parents fucked up with all of us. Nobody in this room had parents that didn't fuck up.
The point is, everyone's going to fuck up. You want to promote anything, Steve? Do I want wanna promote anything.
The tour, you're touring right now. Yeah.
I saw your fucking dates. Touring my dick off.
When are you done? It depends. I'm not sure.
I have dates booked through, like, fuck, man, I think November. I don't think they're all announced yet, but I've got dates November go to Steve's website and check that out fucking go see him there's a good chance I'm coming near you with skyjacking with skyjacking yeah yeah yeah when you get married we'd love if you want to invite us we'd love to come I do no that's so much don't do that I would love to have you no because I never get no here's what no fuck you because i i i never get invited to those things to weddings yeah so now i want to just tell them i'm willing to come you just went to a bunch i know i know i don't want i like them i uh so what do you mean you don't get invited you literally just went to and i'm gonna go to his too okay so you do get invited we are planning recently in canada what canada we are planning on getting married and i'd love to go to Canada.
Go check it out. Where in Canada? British Columbia.
Yeah, Vancouver or... I would say about an hour east of Vancouver.
Can you make it? Yeah, I would love to go. This is far.
Jules, would you like to go? I don't have a visa. I think...
We've missed you so much. This is our first episode back We never asked her a lot of questions Jules do you want to talk about your experience About going to the Philippines I saw you post a picture of you underneath a waterfall Or swimming at a waterfall Remember we looked at it on the show Oh yeah I was just drunk the whole week And she saw her sister Yeah.
She has a waterfall. Remember, we looked at it on the show.
Lake. She was just on a lake.
Oh, yeah. I was just drunk the whole week.
And she saw her sister. Yeah.
She has a sister. She almost came out here.
So Issa, her passport was... Expired.
Expired. No.
I was getting there. I was getting there.
And so she was going to come here for three or four months. She couldn't come.
Yeah. And when she was leaving From the airport Issa cried They both cried Oh you cried Yeah You never cry Yeah yeah I don't know I guess I kind of miss them Oh no You're starting to feel feelings Yeah yeah And she came back into town Her boyfriend picked her up Yeah What did he say when he saw you? I missed you so much Yeah but we didn't fuck You didn.
You didn't fuck? No, no, no. Why not? They haven't fucked yet.
He's a virgin. Oh, shit.
Oh, shit. Does he think you're a virgin? No.
He knows. What? So that means that you guys can do, like, everything except actually.
Yeah. Yeah.
But wait a minute. Have you talked about losing his virginity to you? He wants to.
But he's scared. What can we do to help him? We'll see him tomorrow.
Should we give him a pep talk? We'll do a pep talk. How old is he? 20.
Yeah. I think he's on the right track.
What do you mean? I mean in the words of my my good buddy, Chris Ponies, who just gave this advice to a high school graduate, just graduated. He said, remember, a vagina is no place for semen.
That's a fact. Write that down.
Write that down. We're going to make a plan.
Let's make a plan. A vagina is no place for semen.
Yeah. And I agree with that.
Yeah, I agree with that. Keep your cum out of these vaginas.
Yeah, yeah. So, might as well just leave the dick out.
Leave the dick out. Yeah.
Right. No dick.
Yeah. Got it? Yeah.
Say, I got it. I got it.
Say, no dick. No dick.
No dick. Also, he's never done it before.
He's going to cum in two seconds. Yeah.
Right. Why? Because when guys have sex for the first time, it's a sensation that they've've never felt before never felt before and it's the magnitude is indescribable you have tried it? fucking? no yeah we both fucked no I'm coming in three seconds have I tried coming in three seconds? no nobody tries it just happens well tries to do it.
It just happens. Well, look, Steve.

Steve, can you look in the camera?

Because we have a closing statement.

Okay, good, good, good.

And say, thank you for being a bad friend.

Yeah.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Very.

That's probably the best one.

The best one we've ever done.

I think you would be a great clown Thank you

I think you would be a fantastic clown

I think you're a wonderful

The first famous Asian clown

First Asian clown

The first famous Asian clown

What's your clown name?

Oh yeah

What was your name?

Well I was Steve-O the clown

Oh okay yeah that works

Nip nip

Is that too?

Nip nip

Nippy the clown. Okay, yeah, that works.
Nip, nip. Is that too? Nip, nip.
Nippy the clown. Nippy the clown.
And there's holes cut out over your nipples. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nipsey Hustle. Nipsey the clown.
Nipsey Hustle. Rest in peace.
God bless. Rest in peace.
Let's not talk about the dead. Rest in peace.
Nippy the clown. Nippy the clown.
That's fine. And your nips are out.
So if someone's like, that's racist, you're like, it's about my tits. My nipples are out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nippy the clown.'s fine and your nips are out so if someone's like that's racist you're like it's about my tits my nipples yeah yeah nippy the clown yeah and you squirt yeah yeah milk comes out of your little titties yeah and i wear like a little armor i'd say and my tagline was like there's a chink in my arm no there's an arm there's a there's a chink right there that's racist you go no that them wearing armor.
It's an armor. There's a little bit of a dent.
Is that what chink means? Yes. Yeah, yeah.
You have stumbled on a pun. What's your clown name? You wouldn't even have to change your hair.
It's already red. Yeah, yeah.
When I was was in clown college they said that we are proud of our art we don't insult our art by coming up with with stupid names like snuggles or we use our names because we're proud of who we are in the art that we perform oh so I'm Bobby the clown and I And I said, I said, I said, I said, I'm Bobby the Clown then? Yeah, that's why I'm Steve O.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Steve O.

And you're Andrew the Clown.

Andrew O.

It would be like Andrew Santino.

Andrew Santino the Clown.

It would be Bobby Lee.

Bobby Lee the Clown.

Bobby Lee the Clown.

Yeah.

It doesn't have a ring to it.

B Lee.

How about B Lee?

You could be B Lee.

B Lee the Clown.

B Lee the Clown.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo.