The Rock's Oscar

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the review people loved it it was it's one of our best episodes of all time thousands and

thousands of people love it now you can they watch it again or you can re if you watched it originally

you can replay it as many times because you buy if you buy it you can re-watch it yeah and it's

only available for a couple more days i think maybe till the end of the week yeah uh but go

to momenthouse.com slash bad friends the link is in the description below watch the live so we can

do more of those lives because we had so much fun. Doc, doc, we're going to give you a vaccine so you don't get sick anymore, doc.
Oh, my mom's here. How much do you sell a gram of crack don't come off

Don't come up Don't come up

Don't come up

Don't come up

Don't come on Mashis You two are bad friends Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude You two are disgusting You two are something We're bad friends. Announcement.
Welcome to another episode of Bad Friends. We had a schedule.
You know, we have a schedule. We book, you know, people that do our podcast.
It's kind of like, not a big deal, but you know. It's a big deal.
It's a big deal. Yeah, it's a big deal.
You know, we give them a platform. Yeah.
Right. We don't have a lot of people come on speaking of a guy that definitely needs platforms right figuratively literally yeah yeah doc willis decided once again to not show up today 10 minutes before we're shooting he's sick not with covid but with a mysterious illness because fancy what did he say allegedly he ate something bad so we took him to a fancy restaurant.
This is who Dr. Willis is.
In San Diego, like a steakhouse. High-end steakhouse.
A high-end steakhouse, right? On the same night of my show where he did 35 minutes. Exactly, when he was supposed to do 10.
Maybe seven. Seven minutes.
And we just found out that he snuck away from the steakhouse and went to 7-Eleven and got their taquitos. Taquitos.
Right? And those are like 45 cents. Yeah.
Yeah. Meanwhile, we bought him an $85 steak.
$85 T-Bone steak. Right.
So he's sick with stomach flu or something. Yeah, no.
So he says. He eats terribly.
Do you believe it? Do you believe that he's sick i well because i gotta tell you something oh come on drew you know i'm sick alcohol poisoning sick yeah from wine yeah yeah let's see what if he's got to say something for himself let's get mad be mad let's drill him all right you call him now now you call him now if you call him consecutively now he'll know like something's up okay i know but if he picks up with me would you be mad or not yeah you got to drill him oh would i be upset that he picked up for you yeah no because uh he's probably not wanting to answer but then he sees if we both called he thinks something's going on okay here we go well let's leave him a message a harsh one okay good yeah but i feel like i'm gonna go hard and then you're gonna back off no i'm not'm going to go hard and then you're going to back off.

No, I'm not.

I'm going to go hard too.

You want me to open though?

Yes.

You're calling.

Okay.

What's up, fam?

Leave a voicemail.

You're here, Doc Willis.

Just leave a message

and I'll get back to you

as soon as possible.

You know, Doc,

a couple years ago

when I was doing this podcast

with Andrew,

I thought, you know what, dude?

You popped into my head.

I'm like, I'm going to help this fucking guy out, man.

I'm going to put him on my popular fucking podcast.

And I want to resurrect or whatever.

You know what I mean?

And we've done you a fucking favor, dude.

We put you on our podcast, your family.

And let me say something to you, man.

You fucking betray us, bro. Bro bro when we book you right please fucking show up man you would show up to amazon or whatever that fucking warehouse that you fucking work at you would show up for like your fucking fat fat pussy right what you know? You would show up to a liquor store

if they were going to close at two in the fucking morning, dude.

What, your little tummy hurts, bro?

You fucking fuck ass face.

Go on.

Hey, buddy.

I hope you're getting better.

Get well soon.

We'll see you soon.

Love you.

I mean, we gave it to him. We hammered that guy.
I'm telling you, we gave that guy something to think about. Bro, let me tell you something.
Dude, that was not a joke. He's going to remember that now for the rest of the time.
I have to call him back now. What are you talking about? I have to call him back now.
No, we hammered him. No, no, no.
You didn't. I look like an asshole.
No, no, no. You said that you would fucking do it with me.

Dude, you were beating him up, and then I came in at the end, and I fucking-

Oh, good cop, bad cop.

Yes.

No.

Yeah, yeah.

Because we're not police officers.

Isn't that crime?

Well, they defunded us.

But I got to tell you, we manhandled him right there.

No, no, no.

This was like, he was Rodney King.

I was the guy hitting him, right?

And you're at the fucking-

I drove back to the station.

Yeah, you're back at the station.

I was already at the station. Narking on us.
Well, because I was like, what they're're doing is wrong I don't like what's going on out there yeah yeah yeah no I gotta call him back that's fucking bullshit dude oh you want me to hammer him now yeah hammer him okay I'm gonna give it to him now he's gonna answer on this at this point no I'm just gonna apologize you don't have to hammer him. No, we should hammer him again.
No, no. Because you're going to open it?

No, go ahead and do what you have to do.

Do what you think is right.

I don't know why you think

you need to call him back.

I think we got...

No, I know because the thing is

I sound like an asshole.

I think he's going to feel

literally bad about it.

He's probably going to watch the episode

and know that you're just teasing.

But you should leave

like a heartfelt, real message.

Hammer him up top?

No, no, no, I already hammered. You reach Doc Willis, I leave a message and I'll get back to you.
We're going to be so sad if we find out he's dying. Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, I'm sorry. You know, that was a little too far.
I hope your little belly feels better and you know if you need anything i'm busy but i can suggest pepto bismol imodium ad call me if you need anything you can call me and andrew wants to say something you're fired get better doc willis we hope he's better the guys literally had covid more times than i thought you could get covid yeah i didn't think you could get it more than four times i'm not joking i've never even heard that i read an article i don't think you can how many times what's the max amount of time somebody's gotten covid for real yeah because honestly i bet you the ceiling is like three and they're like, after that, you didn't get it again. Yeah.
You can get COVID up to what? People have. Yeah, multiple times.
Yeah. What's the most times people have gotten COVID? What's the most somebody's gotten COVID? I was on the phone with Joe DeRosa.
43. 43 is not real.
That's not real. That's not real.

Somebody said positive 43 times.

Yeah, okay, okay, okay.

But yeah, that's not.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But that's still a lot.

Dave 72.

That's a lot of positivity.

He's driving this.

Look at him.

And he's still smiling.

He lost an eye because of it.

Yeah, look at him.

Poor guy.

Yeah.

Go down a little bit

and let me see what it says there.

Dave 72 is a driving instructor

and a musician

who spent the last 10 months

with an active coronavirus infection

visiting hospitals seven times. His immune system was vulnerable to the virus after leukemia diagnosis and chemo the great so he's sick this is sad this is sad so he just had he just tested 72 times in one gigantic covid i think he just did it like he probably did like 41 day and then 32 the other day right he just kept testing over and over oh my god bobby lee bobby lee what top gun you saw it let let me say this top gun yeah not kidding the best movie i've seen action movie i've seen in years in years i told you right no i know but dude it's so good no beyond yeah miles teller fucking amazing you're cemented forever as one of the best actors to ever live.
Yeah, yeah. The kid is done.
He did it. He could quit now and be fine.
And after Fantastic Four Stick. I mean, he was in Fantastic Four Stick, one of the worst movies.
Yeah, but what else would he do was good? Whiplash? Phenomenal. Amazing.
Guy hit it out of the park. Yeah, yeah.
Very talented guy. But yeah.
Top Gun was so good. Yeah.
That I'm not kidding. I did this during some of the performances.
Yeah.! Shoot him! Dude, it was the dog fights. I was just so locked in.
Because you know, I always go to the fancy one. So I do the chair thing.
Me too. Right, I go to the chair and I go lean back, right? For Top Gun, I didn't lean it back and I was leaning forward like this.
The whole time? Yeah. That's so dope.
And if Tom Cruise's dick was right here, dude. Yeah, I would have sucked it.
What is this? I want to be a Scientist. Why are we playing this in the middle of a thing? Hold on, hold on.
Can we do this conversation and you do the clip? Fancy is on the same. He is going to get fired.
What is going on with you guys? I don't know. No, let me say this.
Tom'm i am dead serious i'm i will join scientology i will join did he do a welcome thing in your movie yes and it made me smile yeah and we all cheered the theater i've never seen that before well hello i'm tom cruise he goes hey hey we did this for you this is all for you and i got me everyone clapped right i went me me tom, for me. Everyone clapped in the theater.
Literally, people were like, yeah, Tom. Yeah.
He's the last movie star. He's the last.
He's one of the last movies. He's the last action star.
Sorry. He is the last action star.
Because if Daniel Craig is done with Dub 7, then that's it. Yeah.
He really is the last one. Because The Rock doesn't count anymore.
The Rock is bigger than, he's like a, I don't know. He's like Amazon.
He's too big now. The Rock is the biggest.
He's a movie star. But not an action star anymore.
He's an action star. No, because now when you see The Rock in action movies, they're always kitschy.
Like Dark Shazam or whatever that movie is. Yeah, they're always kitschy.
What's that called? Dark Shazam. Black Adam.
What? Black shazam black adam oh that was the alternative name for black adam was dark shazam i literally thought it was dark shazam the studio was like should we call it dark shazam yeah is that what's called black adam this is the problem this is the problem yeah yeah i had a friend growing up named black adam um this is the problem yeah with this when you see The Rock in films, you only see The Rock. He doesn't transform anymore.
Tom Cruise still was Maverick in that fucking movie. When you saw it, you were like, Mav is back.
When I look at it, I go, is that Ethan Hunt? I don't think that. I don't think that.
But when The Rock's on, I go, that's The Rock. That's The Rock.
I don't care if he's a lawyer. He's a rock.
But he's not a lawyer because a lawyer never looks like that.

That's insane.

But doesn't he do some serious movies or no?

He's never done like a lawyer thing or.

Well, every time he does like one of these buddy comedies with Kevin Hart or whatever,

they do have like sweet moments.

Yeah.

But he's got to do.

I want him to do a movie where there's no action.

This is going to be the fucking test.

He's doing San Andreas 2.

They're doing that one.

They're banging that one out again.

Another earthquake.

Yeah.

Doc Savage.

Doc Savage.

Do you know what that is? What? Doc Savage is the man of bronze. What? Yeah, the man of bronze.
You don't know this? No. This is real.
I do know what this is. It's a scientist created him as the original superhero.
It's another action. They're grasping.
They're digging as deep as they can. Because like when Tom Cruise was in Magnolia, he played, you know what I mean? Unbelievable.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Not an action movie. His acting was superb in the movie, right? So I think The Rock needs to do something like that.
But can he do it? The problem is the muscles are so distracting. He's's gonna do what fucking what's his name did for the machinist yeah he's gonna lose like he's gonna no he's gonna weigh like 70 pounds dude if the rock lost got down to 70 pounds right well i'd be dead and just the movie was called the gnarliest hiv i don't know no yeah but hip city what i don't know what like he's sick what's sick.
What's another city outside of Philadelphia? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Philadelphia, too.
Sorry, my bad. Yeah.
It could be Baltimore. Westchester, Pennsylvania.
Yeah, Westchester. Well, yeah.
Westchester. I can't say that.
So just say Baltimore. You can't say Westchester.
No, I can't. Say West.
West. Chester.
Westchester. Westchester, Pennsylvania.
Anyway, if he did, like, you know, got down to to 70 pounds No, he can't, how much does he weigh? He weighs like 300 pounds If he wants an Oscar, he can No chance You know what he needs to do? 260 pounds, let's say he gets down to 100 pounds Yeah, okay, we'll do that As a producer, I go, okay That's like like the highest you can go 125 give him 125 all right he'll still look bad he'll look unbelievably bad he'll look bad yeah yeah at 125 bucks and then you think he can get an oscar and then yeah for westchester the movie westchester because that alone i think that because you know they'll eat that up the rock gets monkey he's getting his method right yeah a monkey pox he gets though he

gets the monkey right and it's eating him alive and so he is in the movie he's used to he is an

old action hero who gets monkey pox he can't fight anymore and no no he can't he's gotta be no because

that's already gonna in my mind is gonna be like oh he's still doing right so trying right so he's

gotta be something that he's never like we can't even foresee him doing something out of the box

This is the first time I'm got to be something that he's never – like we can't even foresee him doing.

Something out of the box.

Like he's like, what could he have been doing?

He has a – he's a florist.

You ever seen the movie The Florist?

No.

Really?

Have you seen the movie The Florist?

You've never seen this? No. Such a good movie.
Okay. All right.
Then forget The Florist. You've never movie The Florist? No Really? Have you seen the movie The Florist? You've never seen this? No Such a good movie Okay Alright then forget The Florist You've never seen The Florist? No It's wonderful It's a wonderful film Okay good good I've never seen it Okay Right But it's lower pose Give me another job What's even more absurd Why can't he be a florist? He works at the airport.
He's a baggage handler. He's someone that works at a kiosk in a mall.

Yeah, yeah.

He does perfumes in Nordstrom's.

He has a kiosk at the mall, but you know what it is?

He does fluffy.

Gabriel Iglesias merch?

He sells Gabriel's merch?

Yeah, he sells Gabriel Iglesias merch at the mall, right?

So he has the bobblehead posters, right?

And so in the movie, he still, we got to bring him down to 150 in the beginning of the movie yeah right and then is fluffy losing the weight with him are they doing together as a team fluffy's in it and fluffy has monkey pox okay the fluffy has monkey pox is that how the rock got monkey pox yeah fucked him that's wow yeah but we're not doing it in a comedic way what do you mean mean? Oh, it's love. It's pure love.
Okay. Because The Rock is a huge fan.
His character, let's call him David. No.
Why? It's just not. All right.
Don't give me like a Bible name. Give me something else.
Kido. His name is Kido.
Kido, because that's very island-y. What's wrong? He's from the island.
What do you mean? He's fucking got Samoan in his blood. Vlad Vlad oh he's Russian we just we don't ever explain it okay yeah yeah Vlad what's his last name Chayofsky Perez Perez we do two different he's Russian he's Russian Mexican we never met yeah he's Russian Spanish yeah because acting so good yeah Vlad Perez he's got to be kind of a half Mexican because of Gabriel.
Right. That's how he wants him in a circle.
He's a huge Gabriel Cleesee fan. Right? And then one day, Gabriel's playing some sort of stadium next door.
Dodger. He's at Dodger Stadium.
Let's shoot it in LA. Let's shoot it in LA.
We're already here. Yeah, yeah.
All right. He's playing Dodger Stadium.
Dodger Stadium. But he wants to see how his kiosk is doing.
He stops by Westfield Mall in Sherman Oaks. Yes.
No, the mall in West Covina. Oh, yeah.
Okay. That's even better.
Okay. I can believe that.
Yeah, yeah. So Gabriel bounces in, wobbles in, or whatever.
I don't know how he walks. I think they push him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember how they rolled Violet when she got swollen in Willy Won put her i love gabriel so i don't want to make fun of him i love him we're just teasing okay so he comes in he kind of rolls in and you know he's vod sees him yeah and he's nervous because that's his idol right but then gabriel there's an attraction an attraction, instant attraction.
He's like, I love this guy. Right.
He doesn't show up to his gig. He doesn't go to Dodger Stadium.
So we cut to a scene, right? Everyone's there. Gabriel.
Fluffy. Fluffy.
You just cut to some hotel next to the fucking West Covina. And it's like a 30-minute love scene.
We'll see this. Listen.
And it going fluffy, fluffy, fluffy and then cross cut to fluffy, fluffy, fluffy and they're making love. It's so good.
And they're making love. You know what I want to do? Some CGI shit.
I should direct this, right? What am I? Do I get to fucking DP it or something? Yeah, yeah, DP it, right? I want to do a thing where you know how I don't't know if you saw Fight Club, but you know how they zoom in and they go in the- I don't know if you saw Fight Club. Name one guy that's never seen Fight Club.
All right. You know if you've seen Fight Club.
Is that better, right? Fight Club? Yeah, you know Fight Club. Yeah, you know Fight Club, right? You know how Fincher would zoom into the back of the refrigerator and do all those really intricate- So dumb.
I want to do that with blood vessels. Oh, wow.

Right, right.

So he gets swollen.

Fluffy, and you put the camera inside the mouth

and you go in and you see the monkeypox

bubbling.

You know what I mean?

They're bubbling, dude.

They're fucking bubbling, dude.

Are there real monkeys involved?

No, but we would do...

The noise you hear when the monkey box is spreading

is monkey noises?

You know what we'd do?

We'd slow down real monkey noises.

So they would be ambiguous,

but you would get what I'm saying.

We would know.

It's an inside baseball thing.

Right, right.

It's inside baseball.

So we go into the mouth, right?

You see the fucking blood.

Right.

And it's coming down Gabriel's.

You know what I mean?

It's a long travel.

It's not a fat joke.

It's not a fat joke.

Seems like it.

But go ahead.

It is.

It is.

It is.

It is.

So that's a long.

And even the monkey bites go, God, this is exhausting.

This is exhausting.

This is exhausting.

So tight.

Right.

Goes out the penis and into Vlad Perez. Yeah.
The monkey pox. The monkey pox.
Right. And then, I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to go with that. He gets pregnant with a monkey.
No, because he's just got the. No? No.
I thought that's how you get pregnant. No, no.
No, it's not cum. And he's a guy that would not make any sense.
What are you talking about? 2022, Papa. Anything can happen at this point.
Okay, you want to incorporate that in? Yeah, I mean, make this movie fantasy if we're going to be fantasy. Okay, how about this then? So he gets pregnant with his baby.
Here's the cook then. And he's like, you got to lose all this weight otherwise you can't have this kid.
We think he's a guy, but he's really a woman transitioning. But he didn't get all the parts.
So Vlad is... Do you know what i'm saying vlad is transitioning into becoming a man yes but she still has the women parts so she can he can still give birth right and so i guess gabriel's fucking him from behind okay right because he doesn't know there's a pussy there and instead like this is good stuff this is good stuff the fans are gonna I love this that right how do we get from him not discovering that his dick is in the butthole not the vagina he can't see it exactly it's dark two ways to look at that but yeah anyway we'll figure that out we'll figure it out well right so he gets monkeypox and he gets pregnant.
Is that what you're saying? Correct.

And in order to have the baby, the doctor says you need to lose all this weight.

And so he then needs to begin. But I thought the whole thing that he was losing, because we're basing it on Philadelphia

too, that he got sick from the monkeypox.

And that's what, this is a good, I'm creatively open.

We're working it out.

All right.

Okay.

So how about a combination, right?

The monkeypox is fucking his body up, right?

Yeah.

Plus the baby, right? Yeah. Is fucking, is her body hitting it? The monkey, the monkey babyx is fucking his body up right yeah plus the baby right yeah is fucking is her body hitting the monkey the monkey baby it's a monkey oh yeah so it's a sci-fi on the bit yeah i didn't know so the monkey pox so the monkey i know what it is here's the there as a director to check it out yeah please director the monkey pox is going through uh gabriel's body right out the penis and it joins up with regular sperm sure right so we see all that the fucking monkey pox and the sperm colliding right like it's a traffic traffic traffic they're merging they're merging and they one of them they join together right and then we then we go into Vlad's body.

Yeah.

And you can see this now.

It looks like sperm, but it's got hair on it.

It's kind of like you.

Yeah.

Yeah, it looks like me.

It's got hair on it.

In fact, I'll do an Andy Serkis thing

and I'll do the fucking green screen stuff.

Where's your face?

Yeah, where's my face?

You know what I mean?

I mean, you don't even have to do that,

but I could do the wiggles.

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Yeah, that's the guy right there. It was Elephant Man, right? Yeah, Rocky Dennis.
No, he's not Elephant Man. Elephant Man is English.
What is this guy then? This is Elephant Man 2. The sequel.
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That right there, I don't ever want that. Be nice.
So anyway. looks like me maybe we can it kind of does that kind of looks like me there's enough qualities I have like a wide face like that and red hair we'll talk about that later but can we finish the movie? sure so the baby comes out hair on it right and it could be sort of like a heartfelt moment like like a rocky dentist thing where it's like you know i mean vlad raising this kid and it could be all about like bullying and we could put a fuse all that stuff in there so that's we're trying to get vlad we're trying to get we got to get him sent the rock a fucking oscar here right right so don't worry about it monco monco is his name yeah the kids maybe i don't know well that's not gonna help bullying at all what that's not gonna help the bullying yeah monco you named him monco is that too close i think it's right on the money yeah oh it's too close i think you'd have to name him something well you throw out because you're helping you write this give me another right um chimp chimpie ch red hair.
He's a little red hair. He's a little red hair.
Yeah, Rangi, right? You know they call us Rangas in Australia. And in the, you know, the kid, monkeypox baby.
Little Rangi. Little Rangi, my bad, is eight years old, bullied, comes home with a black eye.
And Vlad could do like, hey, kiddo, hey, Rangi. I mean, dad, can we change my name? I don't like Rangi.
Why not? I don't know. Do you think a kid would like that name? No, I'm saying why not.
Oh, you're doing dialogue with me. Yeah, why not? Because it seems, because the kids make fun of me.
So? That's true. Fight back.
Okay, I will. Because I have monkey strength.
That's exactly right. Like a chimp strength.
You have chimp strength whoa no thumbs but you have strength you have strength you have a lot of strength right and then maybe there's a moment where he fights back and guess what guess who shows up to help him fight the rock the rock so you can fuse in a little bit of the action at the end so So the kid's getting bullied and The Rock shows up. Right.

And he literally, and I mean, we should shoot it this way. Yeah.
Beats the shit out of a bunch of eight-year-olds. And I mean, like, pummels their heads.
It wouldn't seem because he lost 100 pounds. I mean, he's down to 100 pounds.
Still got it. He still got it.
He still got it. The Rock never loses that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this movie called? Huh? Black Adam.
but let me but let me show you

a video that

made me smile that made my heart warm go ahead show them the two little kids by the way this is you want to know what kind of fans we have what kind of beautiful fans uh these are the type of fans we have that let their children sing our songs and my favorite part about this is listen when it comes up to cuss words and watch

their faces

it's good Daddy, goodbye.

Bye.

Bye.

Daddy, I miss you.

Yeah. it's good yeah this is awesome it's awesome you know let's push pause for a second there's a woman that bought the rights to happy birthday no yeah I think it's public domain no somebody bought the rights for it I think seriously I think.
Seriously? I think this is what I heard. I don't know if this is true, but this is what I heard through just rumor that an old lady one day just decides, you know, I wonder if somebody bought that or has the rights of happy birthday and then bought the rights and then she makes.
Warner Chappelle Music previously copyrighted the song in US and collected fees. 2015, the copyright came was declared invalid and Warner Spell agreed to pay back 14 million in licensing fees for happy birthday to you.
No one's got it now. But back in the day, I mean, in the 50s, it was fine.
Anyway. The rumor mill.
Yeah, but the thing is, I want, maybe, you know, I'll let that one go, but. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, no, no, no.
We did, we sent a letter to them. They owe us money.
Oh, good, good, good. Yeah.
We'll bring a lawsuit. But here's the wild shit.
Yeah. They, the dad or whoever was like, hey, man, we can't pay this lawsuit.
Because we had said, you owe us licensing. He said, how much? Yeah.
And I said, you know how much. One of the kids.
One of the kids, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Because we need some help around here because these guys aren't good guy. These guys suck.
So the kid on the right agreed that he can fill in. And the kid on the left is going to be his assistant.
So. Cool.
Cool. Yeah.
Get these fucking guys out of here. I'll tell you that right now.
These two. Yeah.
They're gone. My girlfriend sent me something the other day as a joke, but I looked it up and it's true.
What? I want you to, I want to show you this. And I can't believe I even never knew about this, but it's basically...
So these two were Siamese twins. Have we talked about these two? No.
And one of them was gay. What's their name? I don't know, but look it.
Simon, if you think... You know, it's...
if you think your life is bad these are siamese brothers only one of them is they just died i think they died a couple years only one of them is gay but they they have to share one ass that's insane right yeah no yeah i'm true i looked at me but one of them is si do Siamese twins. Only one of the brothers was gay? Yeah.
So you would just have to be gay at some point. Well, you know, I...
Is it true? It says... I mean, it's all over Reddit and stuff.
Wait, go down to it. Go down.
There's got to be a real article. There's no way this is real.
Well, I mean, if you look at the photo, one guy is making out with another man while the other one's just going like... The sex life of Conjoined Twins in the Atlantic.
Well, what would you do? I think about that all the time of like... well, I'm not.
Whose side are you on? What do you mean?

Like, you and I are Siamese twins.

I'm the gay one.

Right.

And the way they're attached is they're attached.

At their hips.

At their hip, but they're facing each other.

Right.

What's so funny?

Because.

They're constantly facing each other.

Wait, how are we facing each other if we share a butt?

That's impossible.

If we share an ass, we can't be facing each other.

Look at them.

Look at these two.

They're conjoined.

Oh, right.

So their butts below.

Yeah.

Their ass is below us, but you and I are facing each other.

How do you do that?

How would you do that?

What do you mean?

How would you do what?

Well, what would you do if...

So what would you do?

So I'm gay.

I'm making out with my boyfriend, right? I would expect you to look away. That's what my theory is.
No, I'd be staring right at you guys. No, no, no.
That's none of your business though. You know what? I put like a curtain up.
Like, you know what I mean? Like I would get a wall of some sort, right? What? I would just put on VR headset and disappear. That's what you do? Yeah, if you guys were fucking and I mean, it's like.
Well, I wouldn't, but that's the thing. Do you have to ask me every time you get it in the ass? Do you have to like ask for permission? And being your brother.
Coming in hot. No, no.
You got to give me your brother. I wouldn't allow it.
No spontaneity sex. Because I don't think they share sensation.
So nobody would feel it. I think one of the brothers feel it.
I think the other one doesn't. Imagine you're gay,

and when you get fucked in the ass,

only I feel it.

That's what I'm saying.

Right, so if you felt the penetration,

that would be cruel,

because I would get nothing out of it.

Nothing?

Yeah.

You'd be,

just knowing that your brother's getting fucked in the ass,

isn't that fun enough?

Yeah, but you wouldn't want it,

because you're not gay.

I know, but you're my brother.

We're fighting all the time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is payback for childhood.

How is their penis situated?

They must pee.

Yeah, of course.

I mean, they probably have one penis.

Maybe they share a penis.

How?

When we're attached by the torso like that.

You share a penis if we jerk off.

I tug once, you tug once.

I tug once, you tug once.

We switch hands.

Oh, we have one penis?

Yeah, like I jerk it

then you jerk it

then I jerk it

we would switch days

oh one day is your day

one day is my day

tonight's your day

alright

I think that's fine

that's fine right

why is it fine

just the visual

oh look see

they have two penises

yeah

honestly

yeah

I gotta tell ya

what

Top Gun was the best movie

that I've seen in years yeah and then And then Jurassic, don't watch Jurassic Park. Oh, they did a new one? Yeah.
My friend Gene and I walked out of it. Terrible.
Oh my God. Wait, this is funny.
What? Razzle. You know Razzle? Yeah.
He was in the theater when you were there. I know you texted me.
And I texted Bobby and I was like, hey, why did you walk out of Jurassic Park? Yeah. And you wrote, how do you know that? It's weird that you would know that.
Yeah. And I was like- We walk out and we're about to leave the theater and we're like, both of us are just appalled by what we watched.
It was that bad? Here's what it was. Did you see it? Yeah.
What is it got on Rotten Tomatoes? Did it make any money though? I bet you it made all the money. It's all the money.
Yeah, so it doesn't matter. It doesn matter i'm not i know i'm happy that they're making the money but it tanked that bad you think it was annoyingly bad it wasn't bad in a good way dialogue what's the thing that's bad about no it's just it was basically two different storylines essentially that was going on and they were merging these two storylines into one storyline at the end or towards the mid end the middle act right and it was annoying to watch that boat but and also it just certain scenes they just didn't you know some of the takes you know i mean come on that's the take you used it was like that yeah i i felt like that but pratt's great i like no he was great i'm not gonna say anything else but i don't want to make fun of anybody but um because i know acting's hard but it was um 622 million they're fine what was the budget you think 300 400 i mean the budget had to been fucking i'm had to be 300 i would say i would say three plus 185 that's without marketing or or anything.
Right. So it's got to be 250.
Here's my argument with it. God, that's so much fucking money.
Yeah, my argument with this, if you saw the first Jurassic Park, right? I did. I know, it's a great movie.
The original, original? Original, original. Love.
That scene where they're in the tour van or bus, right? Yeah. And you see the cup and you see the T-Rex coming and it builds that suspense.
So when you actually see the T-Rex, right, it's like, oh my God, this is so scary. It scared me.
I remember being like, holy fucking shit. But when you open up with just this gigantic sea creature pulling down a fucking ship and they're flying around.
I mean, it's like there's no suspense. There's no...
They're just around, right? It's very fantasy. I always imagined when the dinosaurs actually got into civilization, that you could just build that suspense and make it scarier, right? So you don't reveal them as much.
I don't know how you would do it but like there's no magic in this movie there's no magic yeah see that's what's that stinks yeah by the way speaking of philadelphia over the the thing that we just talked about yeah you see tom hanks came out and said they asked him if he could if he would make phil if like philadelphia could get made today by him you know with him as a star yeah and he said no and i and i wouldn't and i shouldn't get that role in this day and age yeah but what's so fucked you're like how can you how can you say that you delivered such a good performance yeah the idea of acting is to take on that's like saying like so no no straight person can ever play it can never play a gay person no gay gay people well they made, how would they justify it? No, no, no. He's saying if you tried to make...

He comes back to life,

like he resurrects.

And he gets AIDS again?

Imagine that.

He gets AIDS twice.

Like you didn't fucking protect yourself

the first time?

And also nowadays,

you have fucking cocktails and stuff.

You wouldn't die.

Yeah, but he's saying

if you tried to make the movie today...

Oh, is that what...

What do you mean?

They asked him if you made this...

I don't understand what you're asking me.

If you tried to make Philadelphia today... Why would he be in it? You're saying he would be a gay actor.
They were met. What he's saying is it should be played by not a straight guy.
But here he is. Isn't that an, do you win an Oscar for that? Yeah? I believe so.
I don't think he won, but. He didn't? He was nominated, right? Yeah.
Also, he had bans the conversation so much because had banned the conversation so much because of that movie But here's what's confusing to me I understand the idea of being like gay famous characters should be played by gay actors today, but if you found someone that did it that you couldn't find anybody else that was gay to do that Why couldn't Tom Hanks do that? The whole idea of acting is to take on... Cheyenne Jackson.
Who's Cheyenne Jackson? He's a friend of mine. He's a very talented actor.
He could do it. You think he could have done Philadelphia better than Tom Hanks? He's a great actor.
This is my point. Just because he's gay doesn't mean he's going to do a better performance than Tom Hanks.
Cheyenne Jackson. All right, so then we should...
Then you know what? Yeah. Shame on Tom Hanks.
It should have been Cheyenne Jackson. No, now.
You're right. Now.
Back then in our culture, no. but what i'm asking you is this john wayne played genghis khan right i was okay with that yeah okay but my point is that you know you just no but i'm saying in this day and age so i went last week if you can't find anybody good enough i got an argument with my agent last week yeah because there i'm like i can't see the project because i love the project right it's a big project say it will be bit no i'll tell you later go like this so they can't no no no anyway just say what it is so they're remaking something that was big in the 80s no way yeah say every fucking that's every movie right it's every they're doing that right yeah but it's a specific movie that I was a huge fan of.
Risky business. Dude, let me just fucking finish, man.
No, no, no. I want to guess.
Okay. If you get it right, I'll tell you.
Small Wonder. No.
Was that a TV show? Let me just finish. Maybe if I give you more details, then you'll be able to guess it.
Okay. So basically...
Robocop. No, dude, let me just give you the details.

Okay, go ahead.

I'm not going to cut you off.

Right, so I get the audition.

I look at the sides, right?

And I read on it.

Little shop of horrors.

No.

And I go, oh, I'm not going to read for this.

Because in the movie,

where this character was based on in the 80s,

it was a little person and right you think you can't play an lp no i'm just saying i'm not one though of all the actors i know don't make fun of me i'm not yeah you are you're saying that i'm small no you're not yeah well you are yeah but i don't look like a little person i'm well i in a different way. On camera, sometimes you do.
What are you guessing? Willow? No, because they already did Willow. They're doing Willow and it's coming out.
But that's exactly what it was. It's like them asking me to play that little guy from Willow.
I don't know if I was calling him a little guy was bad, but I'm just saying it's them asking me to read. I'm not going to get it, first of all.
So when I read it, I'm like, I'm not going to get this.

But why couldn't you do it?

Because the guy that was in the original movie was not only a little person.

He was like 80 years old.

And he had an English accent.

Hey.

Right?

And he had a monocle. He had a monocle.

There's just no way in my mind.

I was just like, I don't even know how to approach this.

Do your British accent right now.

Hello.

Perfect.

You're hired.

I'd put you in the movie immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah so yeah it's like that type of a role yeah that legendary and i just said and i go i know what this is they're going because i know the director right kind of you're right so they're like we'll just see he you know he's we'll just see but they're never gonna book me but that's the whole idea of fantasy that you, okay, here's my point.
With you playing a little person, right, that's a physical difference, right? That's why I get that. Yeah.
That's like me not playing, I'm not going to play a black guy. Yeah.
But in terms of like Tom Hanks playing a gay person, if sexuality is in truth on a spectrum, like everybody wants to promote today, why couldn't Tom Hanks be able to identify with what that might be like if he has personal experience with it just because he isn't outright gay? I just don't think sexuality can be a determining factor on who can play what. That's my point.
What about Daniel Day? Which actually is the most liberalistic view you can have because I think you shouldn't corner someone and go, you can only play this because you don't identify as this. Well, that seems limited.
It's acting. It's i agree with you but daniel day lewis in uh my left foot could he play that now well they probably wouldn't let him no i know that by point but do you think that it was wrong for him to play that no because he was incredible yeah but that's what i'm saying it's like if you spend time dedicating yourself to something that's what acting literally that's what literally is.
Otherwise, we're going towards a place when you can only play it if you are exactly the thing. Yeah.
And then you're not really playing anything, are you? You're just, you're not acting at all. No.
Then it's not acting. Then it's called a documentary.
Then it's a docu-series. Okay.
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If they said like, you know, Steven Spielberg is going do Lincoln too and they want you to play Abraham Lincoln. No, but I could play.
After Daniel D. Lewis, would you do, be honest, would you do it? You know who I would want to play in that movie.
Who? John Wilkes Booth. I know, but not, I know.
Because I'd be so good at John Wilkes Booth. But now you're not offered that.
I know. I know.
Lincoln! I know. I would be so good.
Yeah,. They should do a side movie like they did with The Joker but with John Wilkes Booth.
Well, you know what? You know who I saw in... Bring up the cast of Top Gun real fast.
You know who I saw? He did a great job. But I thought, sometimes in the movie, when I watch a movie, I go, I could have...
That could have been me. Out of the group of kids, I'll keep going, show more more out of the group of all the new cadets yeah uh uh one of them um was uh what's his name son um lewis pullman bill pullman's kid yeah and he plays kind of like a sweet endearing nerd in the movie he was good in that yeah he was amazing yeah yeah but i looked in the when i was watching the movie i did that thing where i where i turned and i was done.
That could have been me. Like that one.
Of all the roles. I can't be the hot guy on the beach throwing the football.
No. But Pullman, that one.
I could have gone out for that. Yeah.
You know what I thought? I could have gone out for that. Jon Hamm's part.
You could have gone Jon Hamm? Yeah, I think so. You think so? Yeah.
Why do you think so? I have an authority figure. But they didn't want comedy.
They wanted someone manly and strong. I would be serious about it.
You would serious about it you would? yeah alright well then tell me I'm Maverick you're fucking what's his call sign what's Jon Hamm's call sign in the fucking movie? I'm Maverick and I'm coming in and you're disciplining me for one of the exercises that we just did I'm not gonna give it away I need the line so Cyclone Cyclone Cyclone I need the line so give me a line what do you mean? listen you movie you're disciplining me for all right here we go yes you wanted to see me sir yes so what was that all shenanigans up there well that was the training exercise sir you you're no longer a part of this program can i tell you something yeah you're killing it right now yeah all right you got me kiddo you're no longer a part of this program sir with all due respect yes i'm the top of all the top guns you were you know get out of my office thanks that was really good honestly i felt it for a second thanks that was really that was my first try i i have to work on it i would have to work on it and maybe they would cgi on my face you know i mean make me white i don't know because i think being a little asian guy would be a distraction like why is this you know i mean you just we got to get you big we got a kumail nanjiani you we got to get you jacked yeah i'm thinking about it can we do that for this show which can we get you jacked for bad friends before we go on tour we're thinking about doing a bad friends tour by the way before we go on bad friends tour yeah will you get jacked as fuck i will can we get a bad friends personal trainer you know what i need though can i get a like not a shake wake but like some one that works like body blade i want something at home that i could do when watching like netflix or something what about a peloton i have have one of those. I know, so why don't you use it? I gotta go downstairs.
I said I gotta go downstairs and walk down those steps. Do you remember the body blade? Let's get you a body blade.
Let's get you a body blade. You just go like this with it.
So you can be doing that while you're watching it. Yeah, yeah, I need to do something like that, yeah.
You just wobble it back and forth. Look at that, that's you.
That's you. That's me coaching you on a body blade.
Yeah, yeah, On a BOSU goal. Yeah.
What exercise can we get you to start doing?

Truthfully.

There's one that I just saw on late night at two in the morning.

I was watching TV.

And it was like a little thing.

Like, it's like you sit down.

And there are like little steps.

What?

Yeah.

It's like you put your feet on little.

No, it's like a little pedals.

They're like little pedals.

Right.

So you're watching, you know, me, your favorite movie.

Like, you're watching The Boys. A foot pedal exercise machine.
And you boys a foot pedal exercise and you're just pedaling so you're just pedaling you're watching so and it's just a little piece of it's just little pedals like it's a bike yeah and old people do it like that and they really like it from the commercial they like it oh they went we love it that's it right there yeah just one of these little foot pedals yeah that guy and you just push on it oh and that one, right? Yeah, like one of those guys. For fucking $300.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. $300 for that thing.
That's fine. Just go take a walk.
I know, but I have to watch the boys. I get it.
Yeah, yeah. I want to watch the boys.
I want to watch. Well, maybe we'll buy you this machine.
Will you do this under the desk while we're doing bed? I was thinking about that doing that too. Maybe we should both get it and see who can do it longer under the desk.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure that works.
We're going to get you on an exercise regimen. I mean it.
Yeah? Yeah, because I want you I want you to lean and fit for when we go on tour. That's going to be fun, man.
That's going to be real fun. Can I show you something, guys? Can I show you? Yeah, of course.
Okay. Is this a movie that he made? Yes made yes what movie I just made a new movie he made a new movie let's watch his trailer I'm excited parties and girls it's gonna be lit later man my sis going to Columbia looks like I got the lips and the brains of the family.

I'm proud of you.

Okay, who are you?

Get down!

Get down!

Governor Finn wants all detained immigrants gone by Election Day.

God, I deported.

Zero tolerance.

The DAA is offering to drop charges. The volunteers help care for senior citizens.
Is that Eric Dan? Fasty as shit. No.
Psst. My girl, I suggest you say something.
You know? Because your skin.

I'm Argentinian.

Boludo.

If you stick to the program, your time here should be pretty fast in the... I suggest you say something, you know, because your skin.
I'm Argentinian, boludo.

If you stick to the program, your time here should be pretty fast and easy.

You went right here.

Sorry?

You went right here.

You really got away with the ladies.

Is this a horror movie?

Get him at it.

What are you talking about? You trying to escape. Killed an accident.
Oh! Oh, my God. Rachel.
Set you free. Rachel.
It's okay. Rachel.
Hey, Jill! Look at this, son. I promise you, you stick with the program and you're going to leave this place more mature.
You may even gain a newfound appreciation for life. It.
Phillips, you okay? Mr. Phillips, I'm breathing.
Am I in here because I'm Latino or black. Or both.
Wow. Did you really produce that? Yeah.
Wow. What angers you the most? Is it directed by Jordan Steele? Kind of.
Is it Jordan Peele ripoff? Is that what it was? What ang it I think it's a brilliant film I think it's cool I think it's great I think everybody should watch it no audition why didn't we get an audition for this movie because it's like Eric's in it I know a bunch of people in there we can't get a security guard role no honestly dude there's no security guard role like a couple of lines that we could yeah no i'll be no no let's be real let's be real let's talk man you're a producer you're doing movies this is your second one we've seen yep the other one was a big movie right huge you're producing right i'm asking you dude hammer him right because we've getting you a job here and we're not asking for roles we're not asking for offers we're asking for the opportunity that's right right that's right and it's not like we've never done shit look at my fucking imdb dude we know how to do we know how to do stuff we know how to do stuff dude right a line so what's the deal where's your pass ma'am something like that this is a restricted area yeah yeah um no puerto ricans allowed listen well you know who i would play who the fucking assistant to the governor oh yeah yeah you'd be great we don't need you people around right right yeah yeah and i'd be like you know what i would be i just i work there at that fucking place right and i'm playing both sides oh that's smart because i'm ethnic too but i'm also love the whites right yeah yeah i'm like that you know you're one of us. Remember Derek Chauvin? Yeah.
Do you remember him? Yeah, of course. His stupid Asian partner.
Yeah. Every photo that you see of that Asian partner, he has this confused look.
I like how you're like, do you remember Derek Chauvin? Yeah. But his partner, I hate him.
I'm polarizing, yeah. Because his look, his partner's looks like, what going on? Yeah, he's lost.
Yeah. Did he get in trouble too, that guy? I don't know what's going on.
No, smart. He played it like that.

I had no idea.

He went to prison.

He did.

Yeah.

But I believe that even if Derek Chauvin had his knee on that Asian guy's neck, he would

have the same face.

What's going on?

Oh my God.

Anyway, I would play that guy.

We didn't get a role.

Yeah, we didn't get any.

I wanted to be the ice agent.

You know I wanted to be an ice agent.

Yeah.

But it's a great movie, dude.

So let me ask you the premise though, right? Yeah. I don't get it.
So if you're... I knew George Lindbergh Jr.
I know him. Yeah.
JP, I know him. Why are these kids going to the...
Why are they being deported? Because they seem like they're Americans. For aiding and abating their families.
Oh, so their families are illegals. But these kids were born there, so there's a new rule where even if you're born there, what do you call that policy when you're born there? Clicking on pictures of women he wants to look at.
We see what you're streaming. That's even funnier.
He scrolled down the list, and then he saw this girl, Catherine H. Yeah.
And he clicked on her because he wanted to see more about her.

Yeah, because she's not like super famous.

So I was like, oh, that's the one I can talk to.

You don't have a shot.

No, man.

You don't have a shot.

Go ahead and DM her and she gave a shot.

I have shots with girls.

No, but not.

He does well with women.

I know he does.

He does very well.

I know one girl that wants to fuck him.

Well, how about this?

We've tried to make, we've tried to have love matches on this show.

And Carlos is single.

And any of the women out there, we like to put carlos up for what so i was at a comedy show a couple nights ago and so i was in the front right go ahead and a lady walks up to me she goes just to let you know i wasn't hitting on doc so that girl that was at that show that came to the side of the stage oh yeah for our comedy store main that she would hook up with. She adamantly, she came to the store specifically to tell you.
To tell me, no. That she wasn't hitting on.
Yeah, yeah. But didn't she say she was? Yeah, but she was trying to get a lav and it came out wrong.
You know what I mean? And I go, okay, I'll rely that the doc will kill himself. Yeah, it seemed like she was hitting on.
Yeah, it seemed like it, yeah. Call me a a fool but carlos is single i'm trying to find this girl because she emailed a bad friend's account about doc she's like i'm the girl you think wants to fuck doc lol that's her yeah that's who i ran into the yeah she said she did email you guys but i will say this we're not trying to we're not hooking up doc with fucking anything ever again slipping so much.
You've been slipping. Fancy, what's the other link I sent you in that thing?

Didn't I send you another one?

Oh, look at this.

It just starts playing immediately.

That's right.

Go ahead.

No, do it.

What is it?

This got sent to me.

And how obviously is this, Andres?

Is that you, Andres? Yes. Yeah.
Do you not know how good he is at guitar? I don't know how people found this. Isn't that crazy? God, it really is him.
Tell me that's not insane. Did you know that he played guitar? That's not him.
Yes, it is. that's him but that honestly pause very very similar pause it how many what is that 37 seconds is a long time for you to not know yeah that was a long time no because well first of all it's pitch black yeah you just see hands that's right and barely yeah but it's not you no but that shot right there it looks a lot like fancy look at pull your head look at his hair is doing that thing right now right now yeah you're right you're right it is doing that thing for a split second though i went if that's him i'll respect him yeah oh yeah but you don't still no i still respect him i just respect him more the next time he's produced a movie yeah why didn't you i'm really a little shocked that we didn't get something in your film the next one is just for you guys what is it it? It's your movie.
Bottoms. Yeah, of course.

That's because we're producing.

Fuck you.

He did.

Did you see the Tiger Belly thing

he directed?

The Korean drama?

No, no one got sent to me.

It's a masterpiece.

Is it really?

Yeah, he did a Korean drama

and hired actors,

but Korean people

to play Tiger Belly crew

and they did a sketch.

Oh, I heard about this.

It's so fucking good.

You have to send it to me.

Yeah, I'll send it to you.

Any Korean actors I know?

No, it was just like,

but the guy that played Gilbert

was dead on.

You know what I mean?

The guy that played me

was so handsome.

It's so crazy.

But he has the beauty.

You know, it's amazing.

They're at my house.

Great job.

That's how I know

you have the talent.

Thank you.

You know what I mean?

All right, so Doc told us that he's now, he was sleeping. Is that what it was? He said he was sleeping.
I asked him to do a video, and he said he'll do it later when he's feeling better. No.
I was just texting y'all. Wow, you sound bad.
Wow. Yeah, I got this, man, the stomach, man.
This headache, man. I try to take it now.
It won't go away. Well, what are you taking to help your stomach out? More wine? No.
Fuck yeah. Why would you? This ain't your time, man.
No, what I'm saying is that what are you taking for it

because

because I'm going to say right

grape drink

right right

grape drink doesn't

it's so sugary

it's so sugary

but I'm just saying you know stop eating

you know the taquitos at 7-eleven

maybe

yeah yeah

the whole food's full man

Thank you. But I'm just saying, you know, stop eating, you know, the taquitos at 7-Eleven, maybe.
Yeah, yeah. But actually, it's the Whole Foods food, man.
Oh, it was Whole Foods? Yeah. I was like, fuck it.
Again? I don't know what's been happening. It's been a couple times just like this week where I ate and I got sick.
Doc. I'm eating it.
I'm like, what the fuck? Hey, Doc, are you just... What's up, dog? Hey.
What up, Blake? What? Hey, man, just a question.

Don't get mad at me.

All right.

After you poop, are you washing your hands?

After I poop?

Are you washing your hands?

Oh, of course.

Of course.

Because this sounds like bacteria.

This sounds like bacteria is getting from your poop to your fingernails to your food. I have another question.
I think that's what it is. Doc, have you been eating other people's assholes? Well, you know, man.
You do love to eat ass, right? Well, you know, groceries is part of the game,

part of the sex game.

That's part of the game.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They call you Black Man, Black Pac-Man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Black Pac-Man.

Maybe just ease up.

While you're sick, ease up on the ass.

Ease up on the ass for just a week.

Okay.

I'll do that just for y'all.

Doc, we miss you, Doc.

We miss you, Doc.

We're sorry that you're sick, bro. Yeah, thanks, bro.
I'm sorry, man. All right, man.
Get better soon, baby. We miss you.
I'll miss y'all too, though. All right.
Okay, bye. Bye.
We lost Doc. That's it.
Yeah, he's gonna die. Can you believe he's dead? He's dying.
He's gone. He sounds fucking awful.
Sounds terrible. Or it's the best acting we've ever seen.
That could be. That's really funny.
he's dead he's dying he's gone he sounds fucking awful sounds terrible or it's the best acting we've ever seen that could be that's really fun he's at he's he's at disneyland right now he's and he's like gets in the bathroom he's like oh man i'm so sick yeah i mean let me ask you something yeah if you did find out that he was doing something he found something better to do like for instance he's right now next to he's at your mom's house he's now. Yeah, or he's at like, you know what I mean, firing the kid or something.
Yeah. Would you be mad? No.
He decided to do them instead of us? No. God bless.
Would he ever do ours again? No. That's the end of that.
That would be the end. But if we found out that he was lying to us and doing another show.
Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
That's good. Good, good for you.
Move on, move up. But you wouldn't have him back.
I'd key his car and light his apartment on fire. No, I would not have him back on the show.
He would never perform live in LA again. Ever again.
LA? Yeah. Southern California? Yeah.
In the entire- Of course, of course. Nowhere, nowhere, nowhere.
Yeah, yeah. He'd have to kick rocks in New Mexico.
Get a couple gigs in Nevada. But we love Doc and we hope he's good.
That being said, don't Whole Foods? Whole Foods food? Yeah, but I think he's saying, what he's saying is that he, because Whole Foods does have a cafeteria for employees. know what else they have what you know when you walk into whole foods you guys have seen this they have a bin that's discounted like meats and stuff like that that's like it says it'll say right on it do not eat yeah but it will say it'll say like almost almost um it says a sign it's almost expired they're like almost gone would you eat that no like if you were like on a budget what am i saying then i wouldn't go to whole foods that's true well who the fuck is on a budget going to whole don't go to whole foods yeah you're on a budget you go to tj's you're on a big budget you go to john's not vons you're on a big budget you go to smart and final if you're really if you're going to go to the 99 cent store but i've seen guys that goes i've been therears on a show, right? I've eaten 99 cent store eggs.
Now the money is running out, right? But they're used to the lifestyle. So they go to Whole Foods and they might get that like, you know, two day old ground beef.
Humble yourself. Go to a fucking store.
Go to Smart and Final where it's cheaper. That's true.
Because I used to eat that shit. I used to eat 99 cent store eggs.
I'm not kidding. I eat poultry.
I mean, yeah, I did did do they have fucking eggs at the 99 cent store yes they do they have everything what kind of eggs huh from what animal I mean I'm not sure maybe a rodent of some kind yeah yeah yeah it was a gerbil egg maybe I ate well can you eat turtle eggs yeah you sure can are they are they cheaper they seem cheaper no they're more that's delicacy yeah that's a delicacy my bad my bad no but I mean I've had it's a mix yeah you open up the dozen and it's like that's gerbil that's hamster oh they're more, that's delicacy. It seems delicate.
Yeah, that's a delicacy. My bad, my bad.
No, but I mean, I've had you, it's a mix. Yeah, you open up the dozen and it's like, that's gerbil, that's hamster.
Oh, they're different colors and sizes. Different sizes and colors.
Yeah, yeah. Some more purple in the small.
Snake eggs. You get what you get.
It's a free for all. Yeah, you get what you get.
Yeah. And that's a good scramble.
That's a good mixed scramble. Yeah.
I've eaten, what, you've eaten bad shit. When you were broke, you ate bad shit.
Yeah, but I, but, yeah but yeah but I would go there were only specific places I would go like I would go to El Pollo Loco get their bean rice and cheese BRC burrito El Pollo Loco because they were like 99 cents you can't go wrong with bean rice and cheese well nothing goes bad there yeah yeah yeah bean rice and cheese you're fine so that's a 99 cents I would go to like I would get a breakfast at McDonaldcdonald's when i was poor what i used to get it all the time i still get it i still get it yeah i still get it all the time i love it yeah but um but i would eat but i would eat i ate ramen one time for a month because i had no money and i had to eat it every single day for a month but i would only eat it twice a day because more than twice more than twice a day i get i would get i started the smell of it made me nauseous yeah even now when i get like i'll sometimes like late at night oh maybe i'll make this ramen it hurts my neck there's so much salt and it's so no like my neck i have to take my fucking high blood pressure medication your neck gets stiff from eating ramen you can't even sip the bowl like it really fucks my body up it's that bad oh yeah yeah There's so much like Yeah MSG probably fucks your body up No no no no What do you mean? I think they found out that it's not that bad for you MSG? Yeah it's not that bad I know but the salt I don't think the salt Salt isn't bad for you Oh come on man Unless you have too much It's like anything It's like butter is bad It just does something anyway Paula Deen But you know what I do I'm guilty of? Mac and cheese from craft craft is so good velveta first of all yeah if you're gonna do it you know really not velveta is better than craft oh my god craft mac and cheese is good but i like the velveta stuff i think that's it's just you use whole milk with it or 100 i get a cow i go to a farm yeah i'll get whole milk whole milk is the best yeah anytime i try to alternative milk I don't like it the only one that I can fuck with a little bit is oat oat a little bit I've been so this is what happened I'm glad you just said that I'm not being real I'm so glad you said that because this is something it's not even funny I don't know why I'm saying it but it's a revelation I had so the other day before Jules went to the Philippines, I've been eating cereals. Cereal? Yeah.
You're eating cereal again? Yeah. What kind? So I've been eating life cinnamon.
Oh my God. It's so good.
It's the best. It's so fucking good.
And are you drinking the milk when it's over? Cinnamon milk? Yeah. Golden grams.
Whoa! Hello! Love golden fucking grams. Right, so.
Fuck. But I was getting massive diarrhea because I'm lactose intolerant because i was getting the vitamin d like homogenized homogenized homogenized homogenized milk and i was having diarrhea there then and she's like just drink oat milk with it yeah so i bought oat milk this is it it's close it's close it's close enough the problem with those alternative milks.
What? They don't get as cold as real milk. Do you know what I'm saying? When you pour it in a thing, it's not as cold.
Right. It gets warmer faster.
Real milk stays colder faster. Stays colder longer.
In fact, I'm going to go to the, after this, I'm going to go to Ralph's. I'm going to get by more cereal.
In a while. Yeah.
I want to come over and have a cereal night. Can we have a cereal night where we just watch movies and cereal? Which ones do you like isn't top five top five of all time yeah like one like i ones that i here's what i don't like peanut butter captain crunch is probably one of my favorite i hate any captain crunch wow you're wrong it fucks i hate it because it cuts up your mouth i don't like the texture i don't like anything you gotta get a stronger mouth is that what my problem is yeah life cereal is genuinely one of my fucking favorites uh Cocoa Krispies.
Cocoa Pebbles. Cocoa Pebbles.
Cocoa Pebbles. Corn Pops.
Love Corn Pops. I don't like anything corn.
I don't like corn. Almost all cereal is made from corn.
I know, but you know what I'm saying. It's like that flavor that the Corn Pops have.
What about Fruit Loops? I hate it. You don't like Fruit Loops? No.
Wow. I like the ones with the double side.
What is that? The Wheaties, but with one side is completely white. I don't like fast? No.
Wow. I like the ones with the double side.

What is that?

The Wheaties, but with one side is completely white.

I don't know what that is.

Frosted?

Oh, Frosted Flakes?

Not Flakes.

Love Frosted Flakes.

Frosted Wheaties.

The cubes.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

What is that called?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

I love this.

What's it called?

Not shredded wheat.

The one side's white.

Come on.

I know.

It's got cream on it. It's cream.
It's cream. It's a white thing.
thing it's a cream I love it frosted mini wheats frosted mini wheats that's the one man frosted mini wheats frosted mini wheats I love frosted mini wheats I love those fucking things that is the that's one of the best one of the best and you know what sometimes I'll just I'll eat the cream off one side and throw away the wheat sometimes I'll just eat the cream and throw it I don Yeah, I don't have that kind of like discipline. I love cream.
I love cream. It's not an artichoke where you have to throw half of it.
Okay, anyway, here's another thing that I like. Here's what I don't like, though.
I don't like Rice Krispies. Not Rice Krispies.
What? What's it? Rice... Rice Krispie treats? Not Rice Krispie.
Is that an ice cereal, right? Rice Krispies. Rice Krispies cereal? Yeah.
No, it is. What do you mean? You don't like Rice Krispies? No, I like the cocoa one, but I don't like that white one.
Oh, that one's okay to me. What about Lucky Charms? Oh, no, the original.
Oh, I didn't know they had frosted ones. Yeah, they have frosted Krispies.
Yeah, but the original one, because you'd have to put sugar on it. Yeah, you would.
You'd have to put sugar on it. I would put two big spoonfuls.
Yeah, yeah, of sugar. That's why my mouth is made of fucking metal.
Yeah, but I don't like any of the ones with that fucked up marshmallows that it comes with. You don't like Lucky Charms? Me, Lucky Charms.
I don't like it. You like that? They're magically delicious.
I know that. Yeah, my people made that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I make dividends every time somebody buys a box of that stuff.
Do you know they have to give to a Redhead every time? We get a nickel every time someone time you deserve it because you don't get much in life let me ask you this um speaking of my terms of oatmeal do you eat oatmeal i eat overnight oats i like that a lot but do you when you have oatmeal do you know i don't know what what's overnight overnight oats is like uh is it mushy yeah it's pretty much oh it's the one that i have had those yeah you've had pretty good overnight oats yeah so they're cold sometimes they're cold they're always cold they're always with berries yeah yeah look at those are cool right but you don't do hot oatmeal sometimes but pretty rarely because i like steel cut steel cut is the only one to get yeah it's the only one you know where that comes from ireland that's right you're yeah you guys do good stuff we do dynamite and fucking steel cut dynamite steel cut whisk uh uh whiskey bourbon um and um conor McGregor. Steel cut.
Whiskey. Irish whiskey.

Bourbon.

And Conor McGregor.

The best.

The best.

Who's better?

And Patty.

Patty.

You know Patty, the MMA fighter?

NRA.

IRA.

IRA.

IRA.

You're a big fan of the IRA.

I love the IRA.

Not the NRA.

I don't like the NRA.

Yes, you do.

You're a big gun guy.

I love Charleston Heston.

All right, so I like Charl and Heston alright so I like

Charles and Heston

but alright so

from my cold

dead hands

that guy man

rest in peace

but if you would have known

thank you

for being a bad friend Yeah. Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.

Yeah.