Soy Boys, Cuck & High-T

Speaker 1 Bonjourneau, we're in Camarillo. We're in Camarillo at Eric Griffin's wedding.
Look at how gorgeous this is. It's so beautiful.
Beautiful. This is the same fence they used in the show Oz.

Speaker 1 This is the fence actually at the border. This is the border fence.
Yeah, dude. Trump won.
Funnier jokes. Funnier jokes.
Hey, come see us live on the internet. Momenthouse.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 What's the date we're doing the live show?

Speaker 1 June 28th.

Speaker 1 June 28th. Bad friends live.
Everyone's going to be there. Huge surprises.

Speaker 1 Someone might get something done to them. Momenthouse.com slash bad friends, June 28th.
Sign up now. Say goodbye, Bob.
Bye. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 You two are something. We're bad friends.
First of all, most importantly,

Speaker 1 Rudy's in the Philippines. Doc is not here.
Andres is filling in, which is great. We have the real Bean

Speaker 1 up top. Real McCoy.
The real McCoy. The the real taco Sam.
What does McCoy mean? Huh? When they say the real McCoy, what does it mean? They're talking about Steve McCoy. Love him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you know Steve McCoy? Yeah. One of the fastest shooters in the West.
Shooters in the West.

Speaker 1 I have no idea what it means. Jimmy the Kid.
Oh, Jimmy the Kid. Yeah, it was Jimmy the Kid and Tanti.
Bob the Builder, Jimmy the Kid. Yeah.
What is McCoy? It's from the Halfits.

Speaker 1 Half Fields and McCoy's. I know who that is.
Do you know the Halffields and McCoy's? A feuding family in the South. Have you heard of these people? Oh, no.
They were racist. Oh, they were?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were fighting over who

Speaker 1 owned the most black black people is what they were fighting over. Really? Yeah.
If I was a slave owner, I would probably only, just if I was, I would never do it.

Speaker 1 Because it's not, it goes against my ethics. But here's the problem.
I'd have only three.

Speaker 1 That's my lucky number.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they would be all in-house. But what color would they be? Asian.
Right. But not, but not Korean.
Japanese? No. A couple of the Chinese slaves.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They work hard. The problem is with that word, people have a connotation that think it's automatically going to be about black people.
You want Asian slaves.

Speaker 1 And they're not going to do whatever they did. I saw in the

Speaker 1 roots. Well, you're not going to beat your Asian slaves? No, I'm not going to do any of that.
You're not going to physically harm your Asian slaves. I'm going to taunt them.
With what?

Speaker 1 With just threats, but I would never, you know,

Speaker 1 do the dishes or else you're going to be out there with Andrew's slaves. That's right.
Yeah, because your free layers are out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You know who my slaves are? What?

Speaker 1 Hot white guys.

Speaker 1 Really? Can I change mine? Can I change my slides? No.

Speaker 1 I want to change mine. You already picked.
You can't go back, dude. Dude, can I have...
All right. No.
Hot white girls. No, you kid.
That's just copying me. Hot agent girls.
Fine.

Speaker 1 I can have hot white girls. Hot agent girls, slaves.
Outside. Yeah.
Yeah, they live outside. They live outside.
No, I wear no bras. Oh, boobs out there.
But no, t-shirts. Oh.

Speaker 1 Because you know what I love? I want them to be working and doing the cotton and stuff. Do they do it? Is this...
I don't know. I don't know what they do.
But for me, it would be rice. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I don't eat cotton. Yeah.
I don't need it. I don't need no need for cotton.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 1 But so rice, but I like it when, like, when, you know, like in music videos, when, when the shirt, they're not wearing bras and the shirt gets wet. Oh, right.
And you see the boobs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so they'd be doing the. I don't know how you make rice with pans.
Sure, you do. Yeah, yeah.
Why not?

Speaker 1 There's no doubt that you don't have that. So they pan with the rice, you know, the pan the rice, right? Yeah.
And they're just all their juggies are, you know,

Speaker 1 they have the fuck, the fucking

Speaker 1 Yeah, the chunky nipples. Boom, beam, beam, beam.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want my hype. My hot white slaves, my hot white men slaves, are going to be harvesting soy, tofu, obviously, because that's what they eat.
And I make them hard. Oh, yeah, oh, cool.

Speaker 1 I see what you're saying. They're Wes Hollywood slaves.
Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Because when you said hot white guys, I didn't think gay, but I guess they are. I didn't think gay.
Oh, they're not? They can be whatever they want to be. That's true.

Speaker 1 In our day and age, anyone can be whatever they they want to be we let our slaves be whatever they want to be yeah yeah my asian slave the one women out there if they want to rub their little tacos oh they can rub tacos a little curry fire

Speaker 1 they need a fire you're gonna make them fire well they have to rub the i don't know what however they make the fire but they're sleeping outside i know how i've organized my hot male white male slaves they they all sleep in one sleeping bag all of them oh cool can i do my can i do that with mine no you can't keep it

Speaker 1 with mine you know what and i and i zip them in every single night.

Speaker 1 And I kiss them each

Speaker 1 as I go to bed. Yeah.
Peas in a pod. Peas in a pod.
Yeah. That's a really cool one.
Yeah, my little soy boys. That's what I call them.
Soy boys. So boys.
Soy boys. And I ring a bell.

Speaker 1 And you know what? I'm wearing nothing but a gun holster. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good. Yeah.
I'm just wearing a gun holster. There's no gun in it, though.
It's just a squirt. It's a squirt gun.
Yeah. Okay, can I have a squirt gun? And I spray them with the soy boys.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can.

Speaker 1 I'm going to tell you what my situation is, though. All right.
So, I'm going to have a bunk bed. Uh-huh.
And the girl's going to sleep inside. They're going to sleep inside.

Speaker 1 Now I've figured out that they're going to sleep outside.

Speaker 1 But what I'm going to do is, in the mattresses, I'm going to cut out holes for their bums. Oh.
Right. So I'm on the bottom bank, they're on the bunk, and then the top bunk.
They can poop on you.

Speaker 1 That's true. But it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 That's worth it for the squirt guns. Oh, I thought you wanted them to poop on you.
I thought that was the whole point of the game. Maybe, maybe, yeah, yeah.
But

Speaker 1 I'll play a little game that night to see if I can squirt in the butthole, the hole itself.

Speaker 1 And the whole night. That'd be cool, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, deliberately.
Soy boy is what I call my boys. Soy boy is a pejorative term that's sometimes used in online communities to describe men lacking masculine characteristics.

Speaker 1 Not my boys. My soy boys are flipping this terminology.
I'm going to have buff, hot, white soy boys. They wouldn't be soy boys then.
What do you mean? Read me the definition of soy boy again.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, go back. I'm sorry, go back.

Speaker 1 Give me the definition. Read it out because I can't read it.
Soy boy

Speaker 1 is a pejorative term sometimes used in online communities to describe men lacking masculine characteristics.

Speaker 1 The term bears many similarities and has been compared to the slang terms cuck and low tea.

Speaker 1 By the way, that's those guys. Cuck and low tea.
Cuck, cuck and low tea. No, no, no.
He's cuck and who's low tea. No, no, Pete's cuck.
Oh, you're low tea. Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 Yeah, actually, you're high tea. Yeah, it's actually high

Speaker 1 low testosterone. Correct.
Thank you. If you have a high T, that's when you start losing a lot of hair.
So that's why he's more manly than all of us in this room.

Speaker 1 That's amazing. If you have high T.
So low T, actually, that's your rap names now, is low T and Cuck.

Speaker 1 Low tea and cuck. And right over here is soy boy for sure.
Soyboy, low tea, and cuck. Can I tell you something that put it on a shirt?

Speaker 1 Can I tell you something that happened to me recently that's a miracle? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 you know, when I was doing my relapse and the drinking, you know, the drugs I was doing, remember, I was there. Yeah, I was there.
I was a part of it. You were part of it.
Yeah, right.

Speaker 1 Was that a bit of a shit? But I don't know if I told you this, but when I was jerking off, frequently I would jerk off and nothing would come out.

Speaker 1 Dust? Not even dust.

Speaker 1 No, it wasn't even dust. No, it's no, it's not a

Speaker 1 Western. Oh, oh,

Speaker 1 he's like a

Speaker 1 miner or intermittent. No, he's.

Speaker 1 Whoa,

Speaker 1 it would go

Speaker 1 and nothing would come out. A bubble, maybe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And lately, dude, bro. You've been shooting.
Bro, I can make a fucking...

Speaker 1 I can make butter.

Speaker 1 I can make.

Speaker 1 No, I could literally churn some shit. Did you have retrograde ejaculation? That occurs when semen enters the bladder instead of emerging through the penis during orgasm.

Speaker 1 You still reach sexual climax. You might ejaculate very little or no semen.
That's you. You had retrograde ejaculation.
I don't know if that was that.

Speaker 1 You know when like a hippie chick is like, Mercury's in retrograde.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you had retrograde ejaculation. Yeah, my dick was in retrograde.
Your dick was in retrograde. Yeah.
And now it's not. Now you're in now you're in full moon.
But it's like so much now.

Speaker 1 What are you doing with it? I don't know, man. I've been saving it.
I have been saving it. I know you have.
Yeah, but then it dries quick. Yeah, it's supposed to dry.

Speaker 1 Congratulations. It dries really quick.
Let me actually say, when they dries quick, right, does the sperm, they're dead. No.
Oh, so they're just, oh, you know, they're like... Freeze tag.

Speaker 1 Oh, they're doing improv. Yeah.
They're doing improv. And then when they get tagged into a scene.
Oh, they're doing improv. Yeah.
I thought it was more like, you know, prehistoric, like, insects.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. Like, could I revive them later? 100%.

Speaker 1 You can come back to life. I just need the technology that Dross Park has.
15 to 30 minutes outside your body, sperm can live. 15 to 30 minutes.
That's insane.

Speaker 1 Have you ever heard these stories of like,

Speaker 1 look this up. There was a chick that like saved a condom from a guy and then impregnated herself with it afterwards.
Like he threw it in the trash can. He thought nothing of it.

Speaker 1 She went and grabbed it, impregnated herself in the fucking bathroom.

Speaker 1 And it worked.

Speaker 1 So basically, sperm. The woman who impregnated herself with stolen semen from Billionaire wins child support battle.
Oh my God. This woman's a fucking genius.
She is.

Speaker 1 So basically, sperm is like Princess Leah in that one Star Wars movie.

Speaker 1 Go on. Remember, she floated out in the gravity.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And for like 30 minutes, it came back. That's right.
That's what sperm's. That's exactly what sperm is.
Princess Leah is sperm. And vice versa.
And by the way, that was what the whole film was about.

Speaker 1 I didn't know.

Speaker 1 That was the metaphor. You know, he's like,

Speaker 1 you are my father. Yeah.
That's where you're my daddy started. That's where daddy started as like a sex term.
Yeah. Star Wars.
That's. Look.
There he is. Sperm.
Sperm in film. Frozen.
Sperm in film.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to sperm in film.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Sperm in film.
I've never seen

Speaker 1 you've never seen a cum shot in a real movie, have you?

Speaker 1 Have you? I don't think there.

Speaker 1 No. Oh, wait, no.
Is that against

Speaker 1 Adam Driver did it?

Speaker 1 Adam Driver did it in the TV show Girls? Yeah, like on season two. He actually ejaculated.
Yeah, they show the ejaculate as well. Show me.
Wow. Show me.
Yeah, yeah. Well, I want to see.

Speaker 1 No, I know a movie. There's something about Mary, but it was in the hair.

Speaker 1 But Staven admitted that was all fake. It wasn't real.

Speaker 1 This is supposed to be real. You're Carlos.

Speaker 1 You're saying this is real. It's not his real come, of course.
That's born.

Speaker 1 That's called boy. That's real.
Oh, no. Adam Driver's come is.

Speaker 1 What about that? What about what about

Speaker 1 the movie that Shia LaBeouf did where they had to have real sex with other actors? Do you know what I'm talking about? No. There was this experimental filmmaker.
Do you know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 1 And he did. Yeah.
They did a couple of those movies called Dogma.

Speaker 1 And they had had real sex movies in the 95, 95, 96, where they have real sex, the idiots, like Lars Vontrier movies.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's the same director's called Nymphomania, yes, yes, yes, Lars, uh, Lars Vontrier. Yes, oh, I love Lars Von Trier, and it has real sex on camera, yeah.

Speaker 1 What was that Lars Vontrier movie where it was, um, what was it called? York was in it, dancing in the dark, in the dark, dancing in the dark. Did you see that fucking movie?

Speaker 1 No, oh my god, anything you gotta watch that movie. Did you see that movie, guys? Dancing in the dark,

Speaker 1 That movie made me cry so fucking hard. Anyway.

Speaker 1 By the way, Bruce Brinkstein comes up, obviously.

Speaker 1 Look at Bjork. What a cool specimen.
Dancer in the Dark. Dancer in the Dark.
Yeah, that was a really good movie. But that was a lot of hurts Von Trier, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Remember how mad people got at Bjork? Like, she's always somebody that was like, fuck the system. I love that.
Do you remember when she attacked that woman at the airport? I loved it.

Speaker 1 That's my favorite attack.

Speaker 1 She's my favorite celebrity attack. She tried to rip her hair out.
I thought that was awesome. It was the best.
Like, she went for the hair. That's dope.

Speaker 1 And they try to pretend like she was in the wrong. It's like, dude, that woman had a camera in her face.
You should be allowed to physically assault paparazzi. They're in your face.

Speaker 1 I don't think it was paparazzi. Oh, I thought it was.
Can we see that again? That's one of my favorite celebrity attacks.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Fuck yeah. Stop.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Bangkok.

Speaker 1 Welcome to Bangkok.

Speaker 1 Now that's fuck no. Dude, that's rock and roll.

Speaker 1 That's fucking rock and roll. Fuck no, dude.
Welcome to Bangkok. Bangkok does not, does not.
I thought it was like a stalker. First of all,

Speaker 1 why is an English-speaking woman welcoming to Bangkok? Give me a local welcome to Bangkok. Okay, how about this?

Speaker 1 I'm going to get off the plane, right? You tell me the welcome to Bangkok that should have occurred. Okay.

Speaker 1 Let's do it the other way.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? You do it. Yeah.
You say it. Say what? Welcome to Bangkok.
But in that way or in

Speaker 1 a non-intrusive way? Authentic. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm with my kids.

Speaker 1 Where's the taxi? What's going on? Welcome to Bangkok. Oh, thank you.
See? Thank you. Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Some white lady is like, walk in your bank taxi. So I'll do that.

Speaker 1 I'm ripping her hair up.

Speaker 1 There's my little taxi. Welcome to Bangkok.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see. I see.
I see. I see that.
I see that. Immediately.
No, no, no, no. I see it now.
Some fucking white lady. Let's see it.
Keep it. Justify.
Let's see her.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Dude.

Speaker 1 So rock and roll.

Speaker 1 That's so fucking rock and roll. It just feels not good.
It feels awesome. What? It feels awesome.
That's Bjork. That's literally punk rock.
I don't think it is. Oh, that's her.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, it was Julie Kaufman.

Speaker 2 I just have some bruises. I have a tough head, you know.

Speaker 2 No, and nothing's.

Speaker 1 I'm okay. Yeah.
She's hot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she was hot. I I wouldn't have done that.
Maybe she attacked her because she was hot. Welcome to Big.
You know what I would have done?

Speaker 1 Go on.

Speaker 1 What? Go on. High five.
Yeah, high five. High five.
So

Speaker 1 it looked like a white lady in the video. It was not.
Yeah, it was a Thai. That's Thai.
Julie Kaufman. Her last name's Kaufman.
Oh, she married a Jew. She's Jewish.
She's married a Jew. She's Jewish.

Speaker 1 She's half-Thi. Speaking of wonderful Asian ladies that definitely have my approval.
What? Can I show you a video of someone that I voted for you? Did you vote yesterday? Oh, yeah. No, you didn't.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. No, you fucking didn't.
Rick Caruso, dude. Rick Caruso won.

Speaker 1 You didn't vote for him. I did.
I voted for Rick Caruso. You didn't fucking vote yesterday.
I did, man. Where?

Speaker 1 I went on Beechwood where my old... I know, because my registration is still at on the window.
When you stumble, I know you're lying.

Speaker 1 No, that's me.

Speaker 1 No, when I get accused of lying. And you lie.
No. When I get accused of lying, I start stumbling.
Beechwood where? When I'm honest, when I'm lying, I'm very precise because I plan it.

Speaker 1 At the elementary school? Yeah, at the elementary school across the street from my old. That wasn't a polling place because I looked.
It 100% is. I was just there, dude.
I got the fucking sticker.

Speaker 1 It's at home. Who did you go with? By myself.
You went? Dude, I vote every fucking time, dude. You went alone yesterday and voted.
Yes, I did. Look me in the face and say, you swear on our friendship.

Speaker 1 You swear on our friendship. Look me in the face the whole time.
Say, I voted yesterday. I swear on our friendship.
I didn't.

Speaker 1 I didn't. I didn't vote.
Signs of lying. It was yesterday.
Being vague officers. It was yesterday.

Speaker 1 It was yesterday. Yeah, man.
You're supposed to vote. Rick Caruso won.

Speaker 1 You were supposed to fucking vote, dude.

Speaker 1 I only vote for the main event.

Speaker 1 What the fuck are you talking about? You like to watch UFC? I don't watch all the prelims.

Speaker 1 Show him the video of the woman that got my vote yesterday. This woman is fucking incredible.
Go up.

Speaker 1 It's at the top, right? There it is. This one's pretty good.
Oh, this is Dr. Sarah Yu.

Speaker 2 I'm a pastor, an educator, an entrepreneur, and a business owner, an immigrant from South Korea. My dreams, always supporting business, as educators, principal of university.

Speaker 2 I always dedicate my life until today as educators.

Speaker 2 As well as I'm an immigrant, you know, from South Korea, I know the immigration torture.

Speaker 1 They're moving the camera for some reason. So now for business, I want to really buy for those.

Speaker 1 You wish I would have looked at the questions.

Speaker 1 First of all, let me tell you something. I'm not making fun of this woman.
I love immigrants who come here and succeed.

Speaker 1 I'm serious.

Speaker 1 And Dr. Liu is a fucking doctor who's from South Korea who came came to this country and loves America and is trying to change the American system.
I'm for immigrants that come here and win.

Speaker 1 I want her in the fucking. You know why she can't go? Why? Mitch McConnell.
He loves that shit. Oh,

Speaker 1 Mitch McConnell, the turtle, loves Asian olds. He's like, oh, Korean lady.
Get over there.

Speaker 1 I mean, I got one at home. Yeah.
I collect Koreans, you know.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I voted for her because she is so dope.

Speaker 1 Look, invited by San Bernardino County endorsement meeting. Come on, why did God call me to run for office for U.S.
Senator? Let's put Dr. Sarah son Lou in the fucking Senate.
Did she win?

Speaker 1 She did not.

Speaker 1 Yeah. She did not.
Do you think

Speaker 1 she's dope? Look at her. Let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 Mitch McConnell's face looks like he's coming. What face does he make when he is coming? He looks good when he comes.
Oh, so he's like, he talks like that. And then when he comes, he's like, hello?

Speaker 1 Hello. He's Debonair.
As soon as he knocks, I get it. Then it goes back to creepy again.
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I cast my vote.
I cast my vote for Sarah Sun Liu. And

Speaker 1 did you really vote? 100%.

Speaker 1 I voted. No, you didn't.
I voted. I endorsed her.
Where'd you vote yesterday? From the comfort of my couch.

Speaker 1 So when you were Steve Byrne calls me, and Steve Byrne goes, You want to go to Israel?

Speaker 1 I go, Why?

Speaker 1 He goes, It's free. They'll fly you out.

Speaker 1 Come on. You didn't do birthright and pretended you were Jewish.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine? Yeah, I didn't do that. No, but he said,

Speaker 1 no, the Israeli government is flying out like celebrities for free out there to do a tour for free. And it's on the house.
They fly you first class, the whole thing. Wow.
And I go, oh, who's going?

Speaker 1 He goes, It's going to be me, you, George Lopez, Jamie Chung, Brian Greenberg, her husband. I love him.
I love him. I love Brian, right? And I go, it's free? They go, yeah, it's not free.

Speaker 1 Because when you land there, they go, you have to every day tweet positive things about

Speaker 1 Israel. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. And I just felt so

Speaker 1 uneasy about it. Yeah, but couldn't you just go, why, do you, because you have, because you have a lot of Palestinian friends? Yeah, I mean, I know some.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I don't know much about it. I just know that they're in conflict.
And it's just like, but I did. I did what they said.
But it's like the

Speaker 1 wrath i got was insane insane that was some of the stuff you tweeted jews jews good palestinians bad yeah is that what you tweeted yeah yeah yeah jew number one build the wall higher what we like no it was just basically you know oh um palestinians i know um israel's a beautiful country yeah that's probably true that's true it is true but then it's like i had to tag the government in it or whatever oh that's crazy the israeli government yeah oh fuck that's weird as shit yeah and it was just like every day it was just non-stop You were cucking for the Israeli government.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I wish I hadn't gone really.

Speaker 1 But I was there. Did you float in the Dead Sea? Oh, yeah.
That's tight. That's tight.
That's word of the sweets. No.

Speaker 1 Dude, but I got in trouble. Can I tell you how I got in trouble?

Speaker 1 So, so they, they, every day they would go to, you take you on a tour, right? Yeah. And I was smoking, you know, I smoked back then, right? I smoked back then, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't do that when I'm doing story. Thank you.
New computer, my bad. All right, it's okay.
I was smoking back then, right? So one day, I didn't know where we were going.

Speaker 1 They're like, we're going to go and I was tired at that point. Like, I had another place.
Right.

Speaker 1 So I'm smoking a cigarette inside this room because there was no windows or whatever. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm smoking. And they go, please don't smoke in here.
I go, why? They go, this is where the 12 supp the supper was, the last supper was.

Speaker 1 Well, I was in the room where the last supper was. What they didn't smoke after they had a good meal?

Speaker 1 That's true. You're telling me Jesus didn't fucking light up after the meal.
Or they probably banged. Yeah, they did.
They did a fucking 12-man bang. You think they didn't fuck on that? They smoked?

Speaker 1 They did. They fucked.
Yeah, yeah. That's why they were all on the same side of the table.
Yeah. They were fucked.
How do they know that that's the room? That's why I asked.

Speaker 1 How do you know this is the room? Bullshit. They don't know.
They don't know shit. But can I tell you something funny that happened?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I laughed. I almost died laughing because they have the slab where

Speaker 1 I guess Jesus laid and died or whatever. What do you mean? Like,

Speaker 1 it's like this slab,

Speaker 1 like a concrete

Speaker 1 didn't he die on the cross?

Speaker 1 He did, but after he was, they put him down on this thing,

Speaker 1 they probably threw him down, they threw him down, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure they weren't like gentle, yeah, yeah, anyway.

Speaker 1 So, I'm with Steve Byrne, and we got to cut in line because that line was like nine hours long to get to that slab. Fuck, I'm like, is there anything we can cut when I'm smoking?

Speaker 1 Is there anyone cut this line?

Speaker 1 An old 50s mobster, yeah. Can we cut the line?

Speaker 1 Right? So, we get to the slab, right?

Speaker 1 right yeah and i'm still smoking and i'm going where the fuck is why the is steve burns right right and i look down and his hands are on the slab and he's convulsing crying shut up i swear to god and i start laughing

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Speaker 1 Better help. Oh my God.
You know, during the pandemic, the only thing that helped me was better help because I got to do online therapy and it's really a great service. It is.

Speaker 1 Dude, I used to do in-person therapy and I got to be honest with you, I didn't love going to an office. I don't like going somewhere and waiting and scheduling through traffic and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 It's so nice to do it from the comfort of your own house. And life can be overwhelming and many people are burned out without even knowing it.

Speaker 1 Symptoms can include lack of motivation, irritability, fatigue, and more. We associate burnout with work, but that's not the only cause, Andrew.

Speaker 1 Any of our roles in life can lead us to feel burned out. BetterHelp Online Therapy wants to remind you to prioritize yourself.

Speaker 1 Talking with someone can help you figure out what's causing stress in your life. And we are big proponents on this show of speaking to someone.
We think it's a great idea. You should give it a try.

Speaker 1 BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist.

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Speaker 1 That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 I don't even know the full 10 commandments. Like, love thy neighbor.
Is that one? Yeah, thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

Speaker 1 Thou shalt not

Speaker 1 zoom in. Okay, no, no, no.
Go back. You had it.
Go back to the previous page. You had it right there.
Zoom in. 10 Commandments right there.
Just left, being in the left self-ish. There it is.

Speaker 1 You shall have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images, right? What does that mean? OnlyFans.
You can't do only fans. Only fans.
They had it back then. Okay.

Speaker 1 Thou shalt not name the Lord thy God in vain, take the Lord's name in vain. Or so if I say God damn it.
Damn it. You just did it.

Speaker 1 Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy. Sunday? I don't fucking know.
Is that the Sabbath for the day? For the Saturday? For the Jews. Yeah.
But what about for Christianity? This isn't for Jews.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. This is Christian bullshit.
No, but Moses came way before Jesus. So until Jesus comes in, everybody's a Jew.
Do the new one. Not the old one.
Do the timeout. Why does the new one?

Speaker 1 Catholics believe in this one. Catholics believe in this one.
I want the new one, though, man. Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not commit adultery. Thou shalt not kill.

Speaker 1 Honor your father and your mother. Oh.
Unless you don't have one of the two. Like, your dad is dead.
You can't honor him anymore. Yeah.
I fucked that up. You fucked that up.

Speaker 1 Well, killing's obviously an obvious one. I don't know.
Yeah, me either. Killing, stealing.

Speaker 1 But it depends on what you... Dude, you think stealing is always bad? Check it out.
If you're starving

Speaker 1 and you steal food, is that bad? I believe that, like, a priest would say that is bad. Fuck him.
He fucks kids. Yeah, you know what? I'm not the priest.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 You know, somebody put up a really clever post today on Twitter that I thought was incredible that some senator, some Republican senator woman was like, instead of sending your kids to

Speaker 1 something, why not send them to church?

Speaker 1 Instead of homeschooling them, maybe put them in church or something like that.

Speaker 1 And someone tweeted back at her, and it was like

Speaker 1 the number of killings at a fucking school, and they numbered the amount of kids that have died in school shootings.

Speaker 1 And they wrote the number of kids sexually assaulted by the Catholic Church in the past fucking 50 years, and it was 260,000. My God.
260,000. 2,000.
That's insane. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They keep moving those kids around. I think that thou shalt not be homo would be one of the because they make such a big deal out of it? Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 The phrase that's in the Bible is thou shall not lay with another man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They don't say you can't fuck him and kill him. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'll never lay with another man, but I'll fuck with him. After we have sex, I will fuck the shit out of one, but I'm sex, we've never

Speaker 1 laid. No, no, no, we just go on our own.
We don't even say goodbye. No, we'll see you later.
We don't even lock eyes. You shall not lie with a male as with a woman.
It is an abomination.

Speaker 1 Chapter 18, verse 22. If a man lies with a male as a woman, both of them have committed an abomination.
They shall surely be put to death. Their blood is upon them.
Chapter 20, verse 19.

Speaker 1 You know why this is? What? Because fucking, he got a little taste of a guy and was like, this is bad. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 No, wrong, bad. That's what it is.
Guilt. It's guilt.
Guilt. That's the original sin.
Yeah. Is that he didn't accept who he really was.
I've said this before, that Jesus was gay.

Speaker 1 Jesus was gay.

Speaker 1 We want to say, because I know these are your jokes on your acts, so I want to save them. So don't burn Thurmond.
Jesus was gay. Don't burn Thurmond.
Was he gay? No, I'm dead serious.

Speaker 1 I looked this up.

Speaker 1 They have a lot of proof that says that he might actually be gay.

Speaker 1 I know, but it's just like, you know. He's a bottom.

Speaker 1 He would be top. He's the Lord.
You think that? What? But he likes being dominated. Okay, can I ask you this? Because he's serving all day long.
He wants to be served.

Speaker 1 Imagine a guy having sex with Jesus and he's on top. I'd just be like, just,

Speaker 1 I just feel wrong. This is wrong.

Speaker 1 This feels wrong. And Jesus is like, oh, oh, oh.
And Jesus is like, it's so bad. You're so bad.
And I come in his butthole and then wine comes out.

Speaker 1 That was how he turned gizzard. It was jizz into wine, not water.
Yeah. He lied to us.
I can't believe you know so much about it. You're Christian, right?

Speaker 1 I mean, I was born in Spain, so. You have to be.
You have to be Catholic by just that. And by the way, it's Pride Month right now.
Right. And ironically,

Speaker 1 who's the most homophobic?

Speaker 1 Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Spanish people, for sure.
Which is ironic because you guys seem the most.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Elegant.

Speaker 1 Look at how he's sitting.

Speaker 1 You know, if Jesus is... He's got his penis tucked in his button, right? You know how Jesus healed lepers and stuff? What would you?

Speaker 1 I would ask, you know what, if I was around back then and he healed lepers and stuff, I would just walk up to one guy. Can you

Speaker 1 give me a black dick?

Speaker 1 What would you ask for? What is that? Zoom in on that. Oh, it's just a scene of gay marriage is legal in Spain.
It's been legal since 2005.

Speaker 1 Wow. Good for you guys.
How about Mexico? Is gay marriage? I believe it is. Is it? Yeah.
Because you guys hate gay people. Mexicans are so.

Speaker 1 Not as much as Koreans. Watch Korea.

Speaker 1 I'm kidding. Same-sex marriage in Mexico.

Speaker 1 2010. Legally recognized, yeah.
Korea. Do Korea.
I don't know about this one. Yeah, I don't think so.
I don't think so. I don't think so.

Speaker 1 Korea declines. Declines recognize same-sex partners.
Yeah. This is my problem, though.
This is my problem. I'm being shit.
You didn't have to Google it. I already knew it.
No, this is my problem.

Speaker 1 Here we are in the United States, and whites get the brunt of all this homophobic shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everybody I know that's not white is way more homophobic. That's true.
I'll say it, and I fucking mean it. Yeah.
Every Asian friend I have, their families are all crazy anti-gay.

Speaker 1 Oh, there are some African countries that if you're gay, it's they kill you. They kill you.
Yeah, they kill you. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So stop this shit because everyone I know is chill with gay people. But that's what I loved because when I would fuck around with dudes when I was a kid.
You go back to Korea, they'll kill you.

Speaker 1 No, but I would tell my parents. Oh, just to make your dad killed.
Just to make them angry.

Speaker 1 I said to Dick yesterday, Dad.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? If he could turn into a yellow Hulk, you would.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Smash. Smash.
Yeah. Asian Hulk.
We should have an Asian Hulk, by the way. Yeah.
But he wouldn't be Korean.

Speaker 1 Why? He'd be Japanese. They're the only one.
He would be Benedict Wong. Who's Benedict Wong? He's in Doctor Strange.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, it would be Benedict.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You should be a superhero, by the way. Which one? Just your, I mean, a new one.
Wolverine. You should be a new one.
I would campaign for Wolverine. I'm saying you need to be a new superhero.

Speaker 1 There needs to be. Bobby Lee needs to be a little superhero.
I got one.

Speaker 1 I know what my power would be. What is it?

Speaker 1 Everything, my butthole turns to Adamante and Steel. So nobody can get in.
And nothing comes out. So you just fill up with poop.
And

Speaker 1 like if I saw like Magneto or whatever, Rago, fuck me.

Speaker 1 And he's like, well, oh, that's a shiny. Because my butthole, my ass would be nice and shiny.
Beautiful and shiny.

Speaker 1 And they would stick in and I would just rip their dick off. And shh, out of their hole.
Pretty cool. What's your power? What's my power?

Speaker 1 If I was a superhero,

Speaker 1 my power would be

Speaker 1 to be able to switch races with a snap of a finger. That's a good one.
I could switch. That's a good one.
I could switch on a dime. Boom.
On a dime, I could switch and become another race.

Speaker 1 Can my butthole switch races?

Speaker 1 Stop copying me. I know.
No, just not my body. You do the body thing.
I just want my butthole. Just your butthole? Just my butthole switch.
Fine. Okay, good.
Thank you. Fine.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 I had a sore butthole.

Speaker 1 No, scratch that.

Speaker 1 You didn't really have a sore butthole? No, No, I had a sore butt. My butt cheeks were sore because I

Speaker 1 was swimming all day in the fucking ocean in Hawaii and

Speaker 1 I got a little leg cramp and my ass got so tight and sore I couldn't get back in the fucking canoe. I had

Speaker 1 the best time I've ever had in Hawaii. Yeah, I saw photos.
This time was the best time I've ever had. I went swimming in the morning at 7 a.m.

Speaker 1 We went out and we canoed out like about a quarter mile out.

Speaker 1 And the ocean right there is about 40 feet. What island? 30, 40 feet.
We're on the big island. About 30 or 40 feet deep, the guy said.

Speaker 1 And the guy we were with, he was like, I'm going to dive down with the gun, see if I can shoot Mahimahi. And I was like, what? And he's like, for sashimi.
And I was like, holy shit. Wow.

Speaker 1 He dives down, and then he dives back up and goes, there's a shark.

Speaker 1 It's a white, it's called, they call him maybe whitetail or something like that.

Speaker 1 Whatever.

Speaker 1 He's like, it's the panda of the sea, whatever he was saying. The panda of the sea? That's what he said.
I'm not kidding. He goes, they're soft, they're sensitive.
And panda of the sea shark.

Speaker 1 Oh, that. No, right shark, right shark.

Speaker 1 I don't know what breed it was, but let me say this. Is that it?

Speaker 1 No, that's not what it looked like.

Speaker 1 It was really thin, but that's cute as fuck.

Speaker 1 It looks like a dolphin with Down syndrome.

Speaker 1 A Downfin. He swims down there and he goes like this.
Hey, there's a shark in the coral. I'm not making this up.
There's 15 other people with me that can say that.

Speaker 1 He goes, I'm going to go down there and I'm going to get him out of the cave. And I was like, what if he freaks out? And he's like, he freaked out on me, if anything.
It won't be on you.

Speaker 1 Because it's, again, it's 20 or 30 feet down. He dives down in the coral.
This guy was impressive.

Speaker 1 He would sit for like two or three minutes and hold his fucking breath on the bottom of the ocean, which is crazy.

Speaker 1 And he literally goes, puts his arm in the cave, and then he goes like this to us, like this.

Speaker 1 To look, to look, to look. And sure enough, out comes this fucking shark, swims right around his body.
I'm not kidding. And then goes right back in.
He comes up and he was like, wasn't that cool?

Speaker 1 And I was like, no.

Speaker 1 Why? Get that, keep that fucking thing in the cave. We're We're in the middle of the ocean.
It's the panda shark.

Speaker 1 Dude, we are fucking, we are two, three hundred yards, three football fields away from the canoe. We've swam out.
We're in the middle of the fucking shark. It's a panda shark.

Speaker 1 I know, but even pandas maybe like to eat, fuck, bite, and kill. And I was like.
Are you made of bamboo? Yes.

Speaker 1 But it was fucking beautiful. And then we saw,

Speaker 1 we went night swimming with manta rays, which is one of the coolest things I think I've ever done in my life.

Speaker 1 They light up the bottom of the ocean, and you can, I mean, you can see probably a radius of like 40 feet, and and it's so fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 They put these lights on surfboards so the plankton gets, you know, the photosynthesis starts to make them start to eat, and you hear them clicking.

Speaker 1 Then these things show up, and they do barrel roll dives. They come right up under your belly, Bobby.
Yeah. And they flip over and then dive right back down.

Speaker 1 It was the fucking coolest thing I've ever done. It was so, the whole trip was, it made me want to move to fucking Hawaii.

Speaker 1 But then I found out how much they hate whites there and I was like, I'll just visit. You're a Holly.
They hate Whites. They hate guys, yeah.
Do you know what Holly means?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 ghost. Oh, really? Ghost.
When they first saw whites, they thought, ghost. Oh, wow.
Look at that fucking ghost. Yeah.
And by the way, who's more ghostly than me? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No one. I'm not kidding when I say this.
Yeah. One can of sunscreen every day.
Went through one full can. You look tanner, though.
A full can of sunscreen. Like your forearms are tan.
A little.

Speaker 1 I mean, this is a little bit. Yeah.
Full can of sunscreen. Didn't burn.
Very proud. Five days didn't burn.
Had a wonderful fucking time. It would, dude, Hawaii is.

Speaker 1 I learned what it means. I've been there.

Speaker 1 God. I learned what it it means, too.
He's a pitcher in like... Ha.
I've never fucking been there. Ha.
You know what ha means? What? Hawaii. Do you know what it means? No.
Ha is breath. Yeah.
Huh?

Speaker 1 Why? Why or vi is water? Breath, water. E.
E? Yeah. Is

Speaker 1 light.

Speaker 1 Breath, water, light. And the convergence of these three things that makes up the island.
I'm fucking hippie here, man. It's fucking hippie.
I got to tell you something. You have crystals too, bitch.

Speaker 1 I got spiritual as fuck while I was young. You got a moly man over here, here, man.
Fucking earthwater. Don't disrespect the fucking.

Speaker 1 Don't disrespect. Fucking breath of water.
Don't disrespect, dude. Don't disrespect my culture and my fucking people, dog.
He goes to one trip. He's so annoying.

Speaker 1 One trip, he's like, breath of water, light. Fuck you.
It was beautiful.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've been there, bitch. God, yeah, but you do have the same experience.
Yeah, you don't get out of the fucking hotel, you loser. You don't do shit.
You fucking sit on your dick in the hotel.

Speaker 1 Bro, you don't think that I've been out there with the sharks too? One time. I'll do everything one time.
And after

Speaker 1 after I do it one time, I've done it. I want to show you the video.
Oh, I don't want to see it. The guy.
Oh, look at this. Can I send this to Pete? Well, Pete, I text it to you.

Speaker 1 I don't fucking see this shit, man. No, because you'll like it.
You'll love this. It's like I forgot a girlfriend.
It's like, you know what I mean? Check out my day. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Anyway, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It's Kalila.

Speaker 1 Kalila.

Speaker 1 This guy was a huge bad friend fan.

Speaker 1 The fire spinner. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And he came up to me afterwards and was like, I'm a massive fan of you guys.

Speaker 1 I fucking love you guys. And I was like, oh, thank you.
And he went up there and he spun fucking fire. Like, you've seen them do that shit at the Luau.
I have, yes. And this guy.
Explain it to me.

Speaker 1 Fucking asshole.

Speaker 1 I mean, Carlos, fucking amateur around here. I mean, he's excited about the trip.
He wants to get you included. Yeah, yeah.
Thank you, Carlos.

Speaker 1 What did you do in Hawaii, Carlos, with Bobby, when you guys went? No, I don't want to fucking have it.

Speaker 1 How many sharks did you guys see?

Speaker 1 Zero sharks, and it was the first time I took a hundred milligram edible

Speaker 1 with me. Yeah, and you introduced me to it, and I had to do it.
And then what did you guys do?

Speaker 1 I went to my room and just watched it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, cool. Cool.
Cool vacation. Yeah.
Fucking

Speaker 1 here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but still, we're in Hawaii doing it. Yeah, we had dinner in different environments.

Speaker 1 Let's see the photos. No, no, it's over.
You drown my mood.

Speaker 1 Fucking drown my mood. It's just, it's the same thing as, you know what I mean? Like, you know, you have to endure that with your girlfriend, right? Like, check out my day.
Look at the photos.

Speaker 1 I went to the dog part. Look at the photos, right? And you do it.
And, you know, you're half interested, but you have to be mindful and you have to do it, right?

Speaker 1 But from your friend, it's just, come on, die.

Speaker 1 Let's go, man.

Speaker 1 Look great, though. Did you win the golf tournament or

Speaker 1 celebrate golf tournament? Celebrate golf tournament? It was enjoyable. I say out there.
I saw some of the pictures. It looks great with you and your white friends

Speaker 1 in the golf cart.

Speaker 1 Really good. Did you win?

Speaker 1 It was hosted by a black guy, my white friends. But the photos I saw were with you white friends.

Speaker 1 What photos? You golfing in the golf tournament. Where? On your Instagram.

Speaker 1 Why are you looking at my Instagram? Because you're my friend. Get off my Instagram.
I don't want you ever looking at my Instagram. No, no, no, no, no.
We're best friends. Fucking.

Speaker 1 Tell us about more Hawaii. More words that you learned.
What does aloha mean? We'd love to hear about that. And A means sunlight.

Speaker 1 Okay. Aloh means low to the ground.

Speaker 1 Ah means hello.

Speaker 1 Aloha. Who gives a shit?

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
What?

Speaker 1 Mahalo. What does that mean?

Speaker 1 means ma, literal.

Speaker 1 Ha means hello. Like I said, in Oloha, right? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 O means, who gives a sh fuck? Who gives a sh fuck?

Speaker 1 So a sh fuck, S-H-F-E-C-S-F, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Am I not right, Carlos?

Speaker 1 You're on my side, right?

Speaker 1 Come on, Carlos. You're on my side.
Dude, you're on my side.

Speaker 1 I understand.

Speaker 1 Harry, I love that package. Look at how cool this package is.
Oh, my God. Harry's is the high-level.

Speaker 1 It's what Clooney probably uses. Maybe.
Yeah, yeah. This is Harry's shave gel.
It comes in this beautiful little package. They give you this great little box.

Speaker 1 You slide it out, and there is your razor box. If you want to shave.
That's the starter kit. I've had it.
Can we shave your back right now on Bad Friends? No. Come on, baby.
Come on.

Speaker 1 Let me foam you up. Yeah, I'm not Eric Griffin.
Now, listen.

Speaker 1 And it comes with this little travel case, which I actually really like. You can clip it in this thing when you're on the go.
to shave your fat.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to tell you about the first time starter kit, okay?

Speaker 1 It includes a five-blade cartridge, a weighted handle yep foaming shave gel yep and a travel travel cover to protect your blades on the go a 13 value all for only three dollars dude that's three dollars come on this is more than three dollars three dollars dude wow that's pretty impressive you get everything you need to for a great shave and nothing but that these other people are going to overcharge you for gimmicks that you don't need harry's prioritizes simple quality craftsmanship at a fair price you get everything you need right here in the box and it's not a ripoff and they're still going to offer you a no-risk trial which is impressive if you uh don't like your shave no worries it's on them.

Speaker 1 They're going to give you back your money, which is ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Just go to Harry's.com/slash bad friends today to get your starter set for just $3.

Speaker 1 $3. Hey, man, new look, same incredible offer.
There's really never been a better time to give Harry's a try. That's Harrys.com slash Bad Friends.

Speaker 1 Wherever.

Speaker 1 Where would we go in Italy if you and I went?

Speaker 1 I would go out to probably... I'd probably go out to...

Speaker 1 Capri, the island of Capri with you and fucking leave you there. See, you know, it's so funny.
Take you on the other side of the island. You got got to get over whatever you do right now.

Speaker 1 This anger thing, it doesn't suit you.

Speaker 1 It's all I have.

Speaker 1 It's literally what I'm made of anger.

Speaker 1 It's my whole fucking thing.

Speaker 1 You tune me up and you're going to get it back. I didn't do anything.
Yeah. Really? You did a fucking five-minute

Speaker 1 talking shit. You did a five-minute.
Who gives a shit? No, people give a shit. Okay, so keep going then.
Nah, you cares about my opinion. Yeah, you fucked it up.

Speaker 1 Your rhythm fucked it up. I didn't fuck it up.
Yeah, you did. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You didn't yes-and any of it. You fucked it off.
Yeah, yeah. I yes-and all your bullshit.

Speaker 1 Well, let's talk about the panda shark again.

Speaker 1 That was interesting.

Speaker 1 How we wrapped around the fucking instructor and went back in. And you're like, whoa, whoa.
I can reiterate everything you said. Good.
I'm glad you listened. Yeah, yeah.
It's fucking fascinating.

Speaker 1 All right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck. I I can't get that fucking time back.

Speaker 1 You need it back?

Speaker 1 You need to get that time back? No, I loved it. No, we'll get it back.
No, I want to hear it. We'll get it back.
I love it. I want to hear it again.

Speaker 1 It's like, I want to see Top Gun again.

Speaker 1 You want to go see it? I saw it already. Good.
Yeah, yeah. Good.

Speaker 1 We were going to go. Who? You and I, remember? Oh, that's right.
Yeah. Thanks for waiting.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Are you going to fucking Eric's wedding? Yeah. I moved my flight to go to Eric Griffin's wedding.
And I'm so happy that he's getting married. And I'm going to go.
But here's what I don't like.

Speaker 1 When you go on the website,

Speaker 1 it has all those little things of what they want. Registry.
The registry. I don't know what that is, right?

Speaker 1 You got to buy him a gift. Not doing it.
You got to buy him a gift. Why did you buy them?

Speaker 1 I didn't buy it yet, but you have a year to do it. Oh, well, I'll do it in a year.
Isn't that the standard? Is a year? Yeah. You have a year after the wedding to give a gift.

Speaker 1 Traditionally, people do it within like a couple of months. That's an American thing.
It's an American thing? What do the standards do?

Speaker 1 You do it on the day of or or before well you guys we we have going on i like the way italians do it like in the mafia movies where they just have a bag and envelopes a money right yeah that's the way you should do it well you can give them money so if i just give them like 500 bucks that's good yeah you can just is that not enough not enough no i think that's enough like a thousand i think you should give a thousand so i'll just give them a thousand i'm not doing the registry thing yeah that's the one and the same cash is just as good it's yeah it's the same a grand but give it to them in ones that's of course yeah just to be inconvenient Yeah, give them stripper ones.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna buy something off the fucking thing. What are you gonna buy? Whatever's on there, some bullshit.
They probably want like pots and pans or glassware or shit.

Speaker 1 Some of it's like bracelets. I can't buy no bracelet.
Yeah, but the good thing is, then you can just buy one of those things and then get it over with.

Speaker 1 I don't want to go get cash out or write a check.

Speaker 1 They're like fucking $1,200 on this fucking. Wait, is it really? Yeah.
I'm going to buy the cheapest thing on there. That's what I try to do.
Sheets.

Speaker 1 I was looking for fucking paper towels.

Speaker 1 Like, you know what I mean? Soup. I think I'm going to buy them soup.
You think soup with soup? A couple of cancers. Cancer.
Counter spam. Yeah.
Coutu cancer spam. Coutu cans a spam.

Speaker 1 But there's two events I don't like going to. Weddings.
One is weddings and funerals. Funerals, yeah.

Speaker 1 They're both like just.

Speaker 1 I love a good funeral.

Speaker 1 I'd rather go to a funeral, actually, than a wedding. I love a good funeral.

Speaker 1 You know what an Irish wake is? Do you know what that is? No. It's a party.
We get fucking annihilated. We literally drink the whole time where the body's in the room.
It's funny as shit. Really?

Speaker 1 The body's in the casket. Yeah.
Look at that. And we throw a fucking rager around the body.
Oh, I love that. We do that for my grandmother.
We literally fucking party. You party.
You fucking party.

Speaker 1 Like, if I was there, could I party with your grandma? 100%. Yeah.
And people, and people like put weed in her mouth and stuff and fucking do rock star artists. Oh, do they really? No.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's cool. I do that.
You can't touch the body. I can't touch the body? No, you don't fucking touch the body, but you party around it.
That's the whole thing. You're celebrating their life.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, you're celebrating. So people are, you know, ripping fucking heaters, smoke a little fucking herb, chug some booze, shotgun a beer.
Do you cry a lot though?

Speaker 1 Not really because you're talking to people, you're catching up with people. The crying part is at the physical, the funeral

Speaker 1 service. But what if it's like, you know, your 12-year-old son got ran over? You still party?

Speaker 1 Yeah. If it's Irish.
Oh, really? Yeah. What ran him over? What? What ran him over? On that truck.
Sick. Yeah, yeah.
But you would still party. Yeah, you'd party.
I don't think you would.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you'd party. Really? Yeah, you got to party.
You celebrate their life because they're already dead. We can't bring them fucking back.
What are you going to do? Huh.

Speaker 1 The Irish like to,

Speaker 1 the idea is you have to celebrate with the people that are still left and to toast to the person that's gone. It's a good idea.
Yeah. But I don't like looking at the body.

Speaker 1 I don't like that the body is in the open casket thing. I'm not a huge fan of that.
Have you looked at it? Would you look down at mine?

Speaker 1 Yes. And you know what they do? You go up and people cross out and they say like a prayer and shit or they say they talk to them.
God, I just had a vision of going to your funeral.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, it's devastating.

Speaker 1 You think we'd invite you? I would go anywhere. I don't give a fuck.
We're not going to tell you where it is. But I'm not going to have, you're not going to have the...
I'm getting cremated.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to have my body out and about. You're not going to have it open, open? Fuck that.
You know what the Jews do that I love the Jews for this? They fucking Jews.

Speaker 1 They don't show you the body when it's dead. Oh.
God, I don't want to fucking see it again. Yeah, yeah.
I never liked that as a kid.

Speaker 1 When any family member died and you got to see them and like, why am I looking at this fucking guy? It's a weird final image.

Speaker 1 I don't like it. Yeah.
Yeah. I've never lost somebody I'm really close to though, except for my dad.
I was just going to say, you're fucking dad.

Speaker 1 My dad, but like in terms of like someone my age or somebody, I've you've never lost a friend? Well, like Brody was a friend. Yeah, but not that close, huh?

Speaker 1 No, I was still close, but he's not like in my top two or three circles. Yeah.
You know what I mean? I've like, you know, like if I lost Kalila, I've never like something like that.

Speaker 1 Would you throw a party? No.

Speaker 1 You wouldn't throw a party? I think I would be devastated.

Speaker 1 If she died? Yeah, I would be devastated. But would it depend on how she dies or it doesn't matter? No.
If she's sitting by that panda shark,

Speaker 1 doing whatever she loves the most. Funny joke.
Didn't hear you. Didn't understand what you were saying.

Speaker 1 Funny joke, though.

Speaker 1 What if she's getting a train run on her by a professional sports team? Yes. And she dies that way.
I would go. Then you'd want to see it.
Yeah. Okay.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And she dies getting a train run on her. Yeah, I just wouldn't, like, if somebody's sick for a long time, that would be sad.
And then they die. Okay, how about this? Yeah.
Kalila's in a coma.

Speaker 1 Let's talk about your sister.

Speaker 1 Enough of Kalila. How long? Your sister.
How long until you pull the plug?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a tough one. She's in a coma.
For how long? And I'm the doctor. Yeah.
Mr. Lee, hi, thank you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen, she's been in a coma now for a week. Yeah.
She's showing signs. I just unplugged it.
Oh,

Speaker 1 was I not supposed to? No, no, that's fine. Yeah, yeah.
We were going to ask you. We were.
Yeah, the thing went.

Speaker 1 Well, we're trying to conserve a little bit of power. Yeah, yeah, that's okay.
The solar panels aren't doing a job this year. Let's move on.
All right. How long? How long? How long would I?

Speaker 1 How long would you give it? If the doctor said, let's be real about it. So say that.
There's brain function. Her brain is still firing.

Speaker 1 We predict she could be in a coma for maybe even another week to a month. So we don't really know.
Well, I saw a movie with Robert De Naro in it. Yeah.
I forgot what it was called, but Awakening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude, I know what it's called, but

Speaker 1 in the fucking bit bit,

Speaker 1 fuckface.

Speaker 1 These guys are invaluable.

Speaker 1 I know it's Awakenings, but like, you know what I mean? For the bit, I was not knowing the fucking name. Do you understand what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 God bless you. You fucking.
I hope one day a fucking Panda shark eats you, man.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 So I would probably.

Speaker 1 What about your sister? How long? How long? Oh, man, you can't answer this question?

Speaker 1 I would probably, it depends on what she wanted, right? I think she would want us to unplug her. If she never clarified, because no one said this.
I've never had this conversation.

Speaker 1 I would just be like, because of the movie Awakening.

Speaker 1 How long? Yeah, I'm going to keep it as long as the brain's functioning. But when the brain's dead, I'm going to unplug.
Then you'll unplug. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What about your sister now?

Speaker 1 Well, how long would I keep my sister alive for

Speaker 1 brain's functioning?

Speaker 1 A couple hours.

Speaker 1 It depends on how to go somewhere. No, be real.
How long would I keep my family alive? Yeah. Unless they said they want to be taken off, I would just keep them on forever.
Yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 But then you think, what if they're miserable? What if like they're trapped in like this purgatory hell of like half awake, half can't funk? That's crazy. That's a nightmare.

Speaker 1 Well, that's what I'm saying. That's what you know.
And they're in the purgatory. You won't unplug me, dude.
And then we don't know that they can't die.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't know that they're, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 We don't know what their movement is or if their cognitive thinking is still like firing enough enough to have them be conscious trapped in a place where they you know ever had a dream where you can't breathe or you can't speak or you can't run oh my god when you're getting chased by something what if they're having that and you're running so slow

Speaker 1 yeah and i just stop i just go eat meat

Speaker 1 i'll just stop because we don't know because the brain is like did you see this boxer this guy he died this is so sad he got his head got hit so fucking hard this is crazy footage boxer just died he was swinging at nothing like he was in the middle of a fight.

Speaker 1 They stopped the fight for a second because the other guy was on the ropes. He turns.
He's just swinging at nothing. He thinks he's fighting somebody.
He had fucking brain bleed. Yeah.
It was crazy.

Speaker 1 If they show the video, that's it right now. This is so sad.
Look at how crazy this is. And he dies right after this? No, much later.

Speaker 1 So he knocks that guy down. Right.

Speaker 1 And they separate him.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But then the guy that's up on his feet

Speaker 1 out of it. He's like, right now he's unconscious.
Little does he know. His brain isn't really.
Behind the white? No, the boxer. Look.
Yeah, look. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's swinging at nothing.

Speaker 1 He doesn't know where he is.

Speaker 1 That's not a good sport, dude. Dude, isn't that fucking crazy? That's insane.
Tell me that's not fucking crazy. I'm glad he was boxing and not doing something else.
Like cooking something.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Or doing, or like, what if he went...

Speaker 1 Poor fucking man. He wasn't boxing.

Speaker 1 Cladis told me a story about a girl. She was in some sort of coma or something, and they thought that she was brain dead or whatever, but she was trapped in her mind, right?

Speaker 1 And then they figured out a way, I don't know exactly what it was, a way to communicate. And they were able to, and she was like, I've been trying to talk to you guys forever.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 See, that's what I mean. But I, you know, for years, I've been in in my, like, watching you guys, not being able to say anything, right? Just like, you know, that would fuck me up.
Right.

Speaker 1 And now she can communicate. I don't know how she does it, but like, yeah.
She, with her, like, with her mouth? You know, with her eyeballs.

Speaker 1 You know, that thing with her eyes? Oh, with her tongue? I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 1 That'd be a cool thing. A tongue thing?

Speaker 1 Clean my asshole. Right?

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 if I had the tongue thing

Speaker 1 and the keyboard was like, hey, I put my dick right on the keyboard. Yeah, you would.
I think you would.

Speaker 1 Right? And then what if I went to this?

Speaker 1 He's awake. He's awake.
He's awake. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 If you were in a coma state like that, my friend, I would stay with you till the very end. No, no, you wouldn't.
I would keep you alive and I stay with you. Yes, I would.

Speaker 1 I would do everything in my power to keep you alive. Will they? So I'm in a coma with my eyes open?

Speaker 1 Your choice.

Speaker 1 Oh, so can you, well, if somebody's in a coma, I don't know why I'm doing this with my hands.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would probably do this. Coma hands, huh?

Speaker 1 No, yes.

Speaker 1 Like I'm a squirrel. Yeah.
Yeah, so I'm in a coma, right? Can you open my eyes?

Speaker 1 We could open the lids of your eyes, but would they stay open like this?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I would just close it back down? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 But I would keep you alive. How? No, no, no.
I'm saying I would make sure they don't unplug. Because Steve would be like, I don't know, man, maybe we should unplug them.

Speaker 1 No, Steve would want to unplug them. Yeah, because he knows my will.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he'd want you unplugged. He knows my will.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd keep you alive.
I'd say, we can't unplug him. We have to keep Bobby like this.

Speaker 1 But I honestly, dude, and this is the honest truth, and I'm not doing this for comedy's sake, right? Okay, well, number one,

Speaker 1 I think that you would visit me more than anyone else. I really, I would.
But probably once a year. No, that's insane.
There's no way you would. If I knew you were, I'm just saying this right now.

Speaker 1 You would never visit me. I would.
I would. Not more than I would visit you.
Yeah, we would, you know what we'd have? We would have you? We would ship your body to the big island.

Speaker 1 That's where you love. Yes.
Hawaii. Hawaii.
Yeah, yeah. You'd have me swim with sharks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
And we would be right there, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then have an aquarium around you with fucking panda sharks. Yes.
Right? Yes. And that same guy, the fucking Luao guy.
He's going to be in a bad frame. He's going to be there.
Yes. Right?

Speaker 1 Just with the torch. All the people that I love.
All the people you love. And the torch, right? And a big banner, what Hawaii means.
Whatever. I forgot what it was.
But we'll look it up.

Speaker 1 Breath, breath. breath, breath, breath, water, light.
Yeah, that would be tattooed on your face. Sick.
I would do that. Tattoo that right on your face, dude.
I would keep you alive. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where would you put me? And I would always say, and I would say to the, um,

Speaker 1 I would, I would say to the doctor or the nurse, and I'd be friendly with them, and I would bring them stuff, snacks, chocolate, wine. You know, I'd butter them up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'd be like, can I have a moment in the room alone with him? And they would go, absolutely. Yeah.
And I'd be a little sweet. I'd pretend to be sweet.

Speaker 1 And every single day I'd visit you every single day. Yeah.
I would visit you every day, once a day. Okay.
And I would put something in your asshole.

Speaker 1 Every day. What? Anything.
Anything I could find. It would collect slowly but surely over time.
I'd start with something small. Like what? A Sharpie.
Okay, a Sharpie. I'd throw a Sharpie in there.

Speaker 1 Would it freak you out, though, is if you stuck a Sharpie in my butthole and all these things,

Speaker 1 then the XD came in and they were in my mouth.

Speaker 1 Would that freak you out? I would wink at the doctor because he knows. No, you did it? I don't know.
It's a mystery. That will freak you out.
It just just ends up somewhere.

Speaker 1 Imagine if I'm talking about. Or two Sharpies in my nose.
If I'm talking to you, if I'm like, Bobby, it's good to see you. I've got to go soon.

Speaker 1 And then you just go, and a Sharpie just comes right out of your mouth

Speaker 1 from your butt. And I go, ta-da.

Speaker 1 I would visit you. I would visit you a lot.

Speaker 1 I would visit you once a year. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I'd visit you way more than you'd visit me. I don't know.
We'll see.

Speaker 1 It's a contest I hope we never do.

Speaker 1 It's a contest I hope that never happens. It never happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you this.
So if, let's say, Eric Griffin was in a coma.

Speaker 1 Pull the plug. No, no, no.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Keep him alive. Yeah, keep him alive.
How many times would you visit him? I think once is good.

Speaker 1 Twice. I think once to say, I miss you, I love you.
Yeah. If you get out, we'll see you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If not. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to. There's not a lot of room in the

Speaker 1 room.

Speaker 1 You're just going to.

Speaker 1 Hey, buddy. Excuse me.

Speaker 1 It's so fucking mean.

Speaker 1 So mean.

Speaker 1 It's so mean. I love them.
Why are we even talking about this comos and stuff? Oh, because that thing, I don't know. I don't even know how our brains got that way.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, the fucking poppy thing is so depressing. I saw Rudy post a picture of herself in the Philippines in like a little lake or some shit like that.

Speaker 1 With her mom.

Speaker 1 Well, she was like swimming in a bay or something like that. Yeah.
She looks like she's having fun. I hope Rudy likes likes where she is because she's not coming back.
I know.

Speaker 1 I called them. You called INS? Yeah.
Yeah. And I said that she can't come back.
She can't come back. She's illegal.
She's illegal. And I don't think she wants to come back.

Speaker 1 What if she doesn't want to come back?

Speaker 1 I've thought about that. Because if another pandemic happens, you can't.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? If something, if there's another, there's monkeypox is on its way. I know, I know.
Do you know this? That like 30, how many people have monkeypox right now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you can only get that. It's hard to get.
What do you mean it's hard to get? You need an anal sex to get it. Okay.
So I'm a candidate. Yeah, I'm not.

Speaker 1 The second case was found today in California.

Speaker 1 Two cases? It's hard to get. It's here.
It's one guy. It's here.
Look at that. Look at all the states it's in.
It says one right now. That hasn't been.

Speaker 1 It's been around for three or four months. One guy has it? Dude, eight cases.
Pretty tight. Where?

Speaker 1 Do we have the most cases in the country? Yeah. No, I thought New York was higher than that.
New York has nine. Ah, they got us by one.
Yeah. Well, I'm going to New York.
Maybe I can bring it back.

Speaker 1 I'd love to try it out. What does it look like on your skin? Little bubbly.
I don't like it. The little bubbly bubbles.
Oh, because it, so it could really, it's actually, you'd hate to have it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So should I get it? Yeah, I don't want bubbly bubbles. It sounds like something I'm purchasing off Amazon.
Should I buy it? Look at that. You want that? That's monkeypox? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That looks like burns, like blister burns. Yeah, yeah.
How do you get monkeypox?

Speaker 1 Anal sex. Is that the only way? With a monkey.
You have to fuck a monkey? You have to fuck, yeah. How do you catch monkeypox? It's a cool name.
It's a really nice. Zoom in up top.

Speaker 1 Monkeypox can be caught from infected rodents such as rats, mice, and squirrels. So whatever I'm going to eat in New York.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 In parts of West and Central Africa, you can catch monkeypox from an infected animal if you're bitten or you touch its blood, body fluids, spots, blisters, or scabs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why do they call COVID panda pox? Panda pox. Yeah.
It would have been cooler. Panda pox.
Yeah. I got panda pox.
It's just the same as COVID. COVID sounds mean.
Mean. Panda pox sounds fun.
Fun.

Speaker 1 Look at that, though. You can get it from touching.
So it's either close contact with infected skin, so someone else, bedding, clothing. So if I sleep in like a shady motel, I might be able to get it.

Speaker 1 Or just playing with animal blood. Yeah.
So if you're just out there, well, you know. I love playing with animal blood.

Speaker 1 There's people in New York who did it. Yeah, yeah.
Well, obviously it's someone, someone had something a rat had either, you know what I mean? But if Ebola,

Speaker 1 Ebola, Ebola, I want to have Ebola. Let's get you some Ebola, buddy.

Speaker 1 Because if I got Ebola and survived it, that's a bragging rack. You might.
How about this, though? Look up the size, by the way.

Speaker 1 I saw an article the other day about the size of the rats in New York now are at an, like, the, the amount and the size are at an all-time high. It's gotten out of control.

Speaker 1 They're literally doing one of these,

Speaker 1 they sent out like a fucking,

Speaker 1 what is this? New York City rats of the Norway rat brown. The average rat is 16 inches, weighed one pound, can grow up to 20 inches and weigh two pounds.

Speaker 1 But there was like this thing, I just saw an article on Twitter that was like, they're calling, not for a state of emergency, but for New York to finally, like, they have to actually do something about it.

Speaker 1 It's getting out of fucking control. Let me see a photo of one.

Speaker 1 But it's nothing like the Filipino bat. No, it's not.
Have you seen that? Yes. We've showed it on this show.

Speaker 1 Look at the size. That's a fucking, that looks like my dog.
That's my dog. Yeah, that's like a little chihuahua.
It's the same size as my dog. Look at how big that is.
Oh, my God. Zoom in on that one.

Speaker 1 That's a foot locker in the Bronx. Foot locker.
It's a foot locker?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he backed. Well, he did know Jordans were getting released that day, so he was in the job.
Yeah, there he. Look at the man holding that.

Speaker 1 That's a rat. That's a a rat.

Speaker 1 That's a fucking rat.

Speaker 1 Not a horse. That's a rat.
That's a man holding guinea pigs. Bigger.
Bigger. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is that? One and a half-pound rodent caught in New York lately. These are the big ones Andrew's talking about.
My God.

Speaker 1 You can eat them.

Speaker 1 They do. Well, how do you think monkeypox got spread out?

Speaker 1 Rat pox, baby. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's huge. Oh, the guy holding one.
No. No way.
No.

Speaker 1 It's like a raccoon.

Speaker 1 That's not a rat. That's not a rat.
That's a raccoon or a porcupine, it looks like.

Speaker 1 Massive rat caught in London. Oh, yeah, but that's, you know, London.
Yeah, they love their rats out there. There's no rats out there.
You can make fun of me again for Hawaii, but fuck me.

Speaker 1 On the way back, we hit such bad turbulence that there is that moment where you're like, I'm over the fucking ocean. I'm over the fucking ocean.
Yeah. And it was

Speaker 1 sketch. Would you, but would you sketch? But would you rather land in the ocean or in a mountainous region like Colorado? Well, I would rather land like in the flats of any fucking place.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of, most of the country is flat as fuck. I know, but

Speaker 1 if a plane went down, though, I'd rather go water, no? No, in the middle of the fucking ocean at night, fuck off. No chance.
Oh, I would float on dead bodies. No, you're not, you're not floating.

Speaker 1 I mean, well, you're quite buoyant, but I don't think.

Speaker 1 I would survive. Do you know what you if I if I survived the landing?

Speaker 1 If a plane crashed. If I survived the landing.
You're never gonna. You wouldn't survive the landing.
Because I would do the opposite of what you're supposed to do. Not everyone's supposed to do this.

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I would stand and do something opposite because I know that doesn't work.

Speaker 1 And I will live.

Speaker 1 I'm alive. Right?

Speaker 1 So you're the only one that lives. I would be standing like this, right? And everyone's going to be like this.
I'm going to be like this. But when I'm alive, you crash in the ocean.
Right.

Speaker 1 The chances of it landing. And I'm swimming.
It's dark. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm swimming. Here comes a panda shark.

Speaker 1 And I go, and it swims around me. And it goes right back into his cave.
Yeah, it goes right back into his cave. And that guy is like, shuck up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so what I would do is I would find other things that would float.

Speaker 1 What? Parts of the plane? Yeah, parts of the plane. Like a door.
Right. You know what I mean? Or, you know, a large man.
The wing. Or a wing, right? And I'd float on that for a while.

Speaker 1 And then people would try to get on it. And I would do like, get on mine.
You know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 That's my raft. You would fight people off of it.
Yeah. You would, if someone's like, there's plenty of room, can I get on? No, no.
No, please.

Speaker 1 No, I would be collecting like Cokes and different things to survive. I'm in survival mode.
You're in survival mode. Yeah, but what about?

Speaker 1 But what about? And then you see a chubby guy and you're like, I could eat this guy at some point.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 You got to eat something. You know what I would do? No, I would wait for him to die first.
Oh, so you got to die.

Speaker 1 No, I would be on the wing, right? And I would eye him.

Speaker 1 I would eye on him. Keep your eye on that guy.
Yeah, keep him eye on it. He's dead.
And I would swim over to him, right? And then eat him.

Speaker 1 Right? He's not getting on the fucking round. You're not going to let him on.
If it's a hot chick,

Speaker 1 I'd let him on. Do you think you would survive for real anything like that? I really do.
How long, though? A day, two days? I know that I have probably a 24-hour window and I'll die. Yeah, one day.

Speaker 1 One full day. And I believe that if the plane went down, don't they have like little beepers?

Speaker 1 Isn't it like a black box or like a little like well, the black box records what's going on? I know, but isn't there a thing, like a radar, something that they can locate? Let him figure this out.

Speaker 1 All right, so GPS.

Speaker 1 Yeah, not GPS, right? I'm pretty sure they'll be like,

Speaker 1 we lost the flight pattern in this area, right? So we think, you know, scientists or whatever they have, right?

Speaker 1 Probably will be like, you know, this is the general 30-mile radius that we think the plane went down. Sure.
Right. They would probably zip over with their planes.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 1 The little buddy Holly ones.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Rest of them.
The Big Bopper.

Speaker 1 Anyway. So they would probably zip, right? And I would have

Speaker 1 on my thing, I would have help but small.

Speaker 1 Written small, help. Because it's on the, I don't have a lot of space.

Speaker 1 Where are you going to sit? Are you the H? I'd probably use. I'd probably use.
Yeah, I'd probably be the H.

Speaker 1 I'll be with the H. I think I could do a P.
Can I tell you something? Yeah,

Speaker 1 you'd be the bubble of the P. Yeah, stomach, right? So I would put chestnuts, if they're chestnuts.
No,

Speaker 1 the peanuts. The peanuts from the plane.
Peanuts from the plane, right? It would be the H-E-L. I would be the P, right? I'd have half of a dead fat man.
Can you imagine?

Speaker 1 You to the side like this, and then with your stomach, they're like, Help?

Speaker 1 What is that bead down there? Help? That's what I would do. I guess they don't need help.
Right? And

Speaker 1 you would never survive. And I mean this genuinely.
Okay, let me ask you this. If you and I were, you think you would survive more than me? A hundred percent.
We've talked about this.

Speaker 1 We've talked about this. Get us on Naked and Fucking Afraid, and I guarantee you.

Speaker 1 That really pisses me off, dude. I'll last longer than you.

Speaker 1 There's no way to know that. Yeah, there is.
Just sheer athleticism and grit.

Speaker 1 But it's my will to live. It's your will.
I have a will to live. Not when you're in that kind of situation, you don't.

Speaker 1 I do. I do.
You know, okay, first of all, I come from this kind of stock. They saved my son.
Look up, red-headed boy found in woods. They saved my son literally two days ago.

Speaker 1 It's been all over the paper. And

Speaker 1 they found this boy, a little missing boy in Montana. That first article.
First article, go back. Look at the picture of this guy.
Tell me this isn't me.

Speaker 1 That is you. That's my son.
That's your son. They found my son.
And where was he? He was lost in the woods in Montana. We let that kid outside for five minutes.
He fucking disappeared.

Speaker 1 How long was he in the lost woods for? I think it was like two days. I think that kid's dead, dude.

Speaker 1 What's really weird about it? He had a bloody nose, which I think is like, how did you get a bloody fucking nose?

Speaker 1 He returned home safely, go down, return home safely after spending two days outdoors on his own in the fucking woods in Montana.

Speaker 1 This kid's a soldier. Would I be able to do that? No, no way.
As a grown adult, you don't think I'll be able to do that? Nope. Oh, yeah, 100%.
Nope. Put me in Montana now.

Speaker 1 I want to leave you in the fucking woods so bad. Do it.

Speaker 1 No, because then they'll lose you. No, I want to prove a point.
You'll never live, dude. You'll die.
Two days. Yup.
So fast. So fast, you'll die.
It'd be a terrible two days. I'll tell you that.

Speaker 1 You'd be attacked by something immediately. It'd be a terrible two days.
Can you imagine fucking like that?

Speaker 1 Go find a person in the woods? They had drones. It's not as hard as it used to be.
Just letting them die. Are you saying that or do they say that?

Speaker 1 No, I'm saying that because I don't think you saw that they had drones and ATVs as well. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 okay. I mean, drones help, they gotta help a little bit.
Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, but also

Speaker 1 like when Gandalf was on the tower, and without that moth, if he only had a moth drone, yeah, that moth and then got the eagle, right? Then he would have never escaped.

Speaker 1 I guess that was the drone of that world. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's exactly what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Well, let me tell you something. Yeah.
Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 Fucking

Speaker 1 anyway. Fucking

Speaker 1 anywho. I swam with sharks and you

Speaker 1 on the fucking island. Yeah.
You took a fucking shit. No, I'm happy for you, dude.
You fucking loser. You learned some things.
You took a fat TV shit. That's what you did, you fucking loser.

Speaker 1 At least I went out and did something, and here was you filming a fucking bs, and they put it on fucking TV. You filmed the shit, you fucking.

Speaker 1 All right. Why are you so angry, dude? You attacked me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I was having fun.