Spider Person & The Marvel DC Crossover

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You guys. Bad Friends is finally going to do the best live stream.
The best live stream show. That's ever been done.
You think that Trash Tuesday had a good one? You think that fucking Bert Kreiser had a good one? You think that Segura and the House House? Sticks. They stink, man.
We're doing a live show. Right? When is it, Bobby? When is it? It's going to be Tuesday, June 28th at 6 p.m.
PST. Tuesday, June 28th, 6 p.m.
Pacific time. Get your tickets at momenthouse.com slash badfriends.
There is an early bird special for the first 48 hours, so get your tickets right now at momenthouse.com slash badfriends. We have so many surprises.
We can't say what they are, but we have a bunch of stuff planned. And someone's going to be on the show that you've never seen before.
Get your tickets right now. Early bird special momenthouse.com slash badfriends.
What up, bad friends? I'm at this shithole Hawaii. But I'll be in New Jersey this weekend and Niagara Falls.
AndrewSantino.com. AndrewSantino.com.
Be a bad friend. Come see your boy.
Jersey, Niagara, New York. Let's go.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Rudy Jules.
Hi rudy jules hi what's it like to eat with this guy what does it feel like to watch him eat food all you hear is like a pig yeah it's like to eat oh yeah yeah you had food on your face when i came in it was like in your mustache never leave you know yana it's so funny that i you know i felt like i bent over backwards for you for. And then you attacked me.
I know. If by bending over backwards you mean having me come here at midnight.
I really appreciate the accommodation. You're like, you're available at 11? 11.30.
11.45. How about 3 in the morning? You know what this coward did? He called me and literally go, or I called him because Fancy was like, Andrew, he can't do the podcast at the time, but he's going to be at midnight.
And I was like, oh my God, are we going to have to reschedule this thing? And this guy, literally, I call him and I go, what's the deal? And he goes, I still do it at midnight. But will you, see? And then he goes, will you call Giannis? I go, you call Giannis.
You're the one changing the time. You call him.
Okay, but Carlos and Andreas, remember when we talked about the LAX? Yeah, this is the guy. That's the guy at LAX What do you oh my god did he kill himself? No, he was he was sleeping and that was right when we were landing Oh, and it shut down.
That's you. Yeah.
Wait, did he jump? No, he didn't jump. He's just sleeping.
Either do it or don't do it Yeah, come on. No, I like that.
That's shouldn't have he's emoing it out he wants the attention help help yeah he's listening to dashboard confessional you shouldn't have to donate like police resources to that just like go like all right do it or not yeah you haven't done anything it's like when you when chris hansen comes over it's like you arrest me i. All right.
What's all the fucking. Well, let me ask you something

about Chris Hansen.

How much do you like pizza

with young people?

The way he broaches

the questions

are always so funny.

And he catches,

it's like,

why it's,

I've seen a few

where the guys

don't even lie.

Yeah.

Where he's like,

you know,

you got me.

You know,

you know why I'm here.

And he's like,

I sure do.

You guys got me.

But is there a chance

that one guy is just, it's just, just wants to eat pizza? No, he really wanted to be their friend. He's like, you know, no, I saw her online and she was lost and I just wanted to be her friend.
That's why I came over. There's got to be one guy.
They always try that. And then he pulls out the transcript.
And you see their face change. The text messages are insane.
They're like, I didn't know you had that. It says here, I want to fuck your kitty cat, young pussy.

Is that you?

Yeah.

Are you Hulk Dude 27?

Yeah, that's me.

Did you ever see that?

There was an old synagogue Orthodox Jewish man.

Careful.

Why?

I can't say that.

Oh, boy, you're stepping on something.

And he sees the camera comes out, and you could see his whole life flash before his eyes. He's like, no, please don't.
Oh, yes. Please don't.
Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? I have a business, and I, you know what I mean? People at church, please.
You know what I mean? It was so. You watch them crumble.
It's fun to watch people crumble on live television. No.
It was a show called. To Catch a Predator.
To Catch a Catch a Predator. And they would set up these sting operations where they would get fine pedos.
And this is the guy. He's like, hi, I'm Chris Hansen.
And he kind of talked very slow. You know what's so funny? I never understood the title to Catch a Predator.
Just what about Catching Predators? Catching a Predator. Yeah.
It was so formal. It's like an answer in jeopardy.
Yeah's a there's a bunch of like uh these shows now that are on youtube that are like imitation shows the guy it's the group the guy the renegade group yeah there's a bunch of wild there's like a group of renegade guys that do this uh there's well there's a non-profit that they run that does this independently without the help of the police and what they do is then they compile us information they bust locally somewhere, and then they try to get the police to go there. I don't know what the name would be of this.
There's a few of them. One of them, my old producer, when I first started doing Long Days, he was a cameraman for it.
And it's this guy in Jersey, and he catches these guys, and none of them speak English. They're like Mexican guys that live in Jersey.
Whoa, whoa. Of Aldi.
Of Aldi, Texas. Come on.
Of Aldi. Yeah, I'm sorry.
My God. Easy, dude.
And he makes them call their wives and tell them. Oh, that's good.
It's fun to watch. That's wild.
But you know what? They're in Spanish, so you don't know what they're saying. I'm going to the store.
I'll be home in 15 minutes. I have a question.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's terrible to do. To fuck it? Yeah.
Yeah. It's fucking terrible, right? Can I just say that out loud? Yeah.
It's fucking terrible, right? Yeah. but it's it's terrible to do to fuck it yeah yeah it's terrible right it's can i just say

that yeah out loud yeah it's fucking terrible right yeah but it's like you know but it's like

is there a but there should be no but after that statement i know there's no qualifiers i know but

um i'm just saying if i had a daughter right i don't think that she would be

coerced into a situation like that she'd be smart well that's our time thank you guys so much for coming I like how I like how you you you you think you're the pinnacle of like well to do knowledge street knowledge that it would transfer to your youth and they would never put themselves in a harmful situation oh no and that's offensive what you're just saying yeah you're saying to me is you're an idiot no that's very offensive what you're saying it's a fact i'll tell you what the word of the offenses the offense is that you think that i'm going to bring any of my garbage into parenting yes no i'm changing my shit bro oh really yeah i'm waking up at eight fuck formula AD. There's one reason you're waking up at eight.
Isn't the formula that you got to feed them? I think if you had a baby, your baby would think like breakfast was at 4 p.m. Her friends would be like, I'm having breakfast.
They're like, what? Are you eating at night? It's my daddy's nighttime. Yeah.
Yeah. You know what? Instead of playing Stardew Valley, we do a co-op farm.
That's cute. That's cute, right? Do a little Sim City together.
We do a Sim do a little sim city farm right but i'm not going to bring any of my garbage into the fucking parent ironically we have a child of yours here in the studio right now what's it like what's it like being raised by bobby um you met i met him four times that's another thing is you'd have to be present to raise the kid you're on the road yeah we don't really talk i don don't really talk. I don't talk to Tito Bobby.
Like, in the house, he just goes to his- Don't cut her off. Bullshit.
What the fuck are you doing? He just goes downstairs and plays for 12 hours and we don't talk. Sorry.
We don't. The bed, Tempur-Pedic.
Who bought it? Papa. All right? Do you have a- What? You used to call it Appa? Papa.
Oh, Papa. Yeah, Appa's dad, too.
Appa, Appa. Is Appa...
Korean for daddy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Papa.
Be honest with me. Not daddy.
Who's the one that doesn't talk? You. Oh, so you're...
She's like, you don't talk. So you're the one...
So what you're saying to me... Okay, you know what? I'm glad you said that.
Because tomorrow, we're going to have a talk fest. A talk fest? Yeah, you and I are going to sit across from the kitchen table and we're going to do a four-hour session.
Boy, are you going to regret that whole fucking thing you just said. You're not going to do that.
I am going to do that. Okay.
Oh, really? You know what? Your attitude is fucking... Okay.
Side note, a couple of great things I want to talk to you about. Cryed in the movie theater.
Not kidding. For a full 10 minutes.
With what movie? Because it's the greatest film that should win multiple Oscars, and it's in theaters right now. Doctor Strange.
Everything. Everywhere.
All at once. I heard it's great.
Is unequivocally. Have you seen? No.
My dog. I'm not kidding when I say this.
It's the greatest movie I've seen in Europe. Creative, beautiful.
It's a fucking spectacle. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You didn't tell me it was an Asian movie. Can I tell you something? Michelle Yao, she happens to be Asian.
Jamie Lee Curtis is in it as well. Oh, okay.
Then I'll watch it. No, no, no.
It's a mixed thing. No, no, no.
It's mostly Asians. Is it in Asian language? No, no.
Hey, fuck face. I'm just saying.
Michelle Yao speaks English. Okay.
Okay. No, no, no.
There is. It's mostly Asians.
Yeah. Is it in Asian language? No, no.
Hey, fuck face. I'm just saying.
Michelle Yao speaks English. Okay.
Okay. No, no, no.
But yeah, the first half is in Chinese. So you got to read subtitles? You got to read subtitles.
All right. And all this, it's in Chinese in the first, and all the subtitles say like, obey China, obey China, like over and over and over.
It's crazy. It's crazy.
Yeah. Right, right, right.
But what I do want to say about this movie, genuinely from the bottom of my heart, she is so fucking talented to a level that is, it will break your soul. I tried, my parents, our parents are in a different generation and I was trying to explain this because look, what you're seeing there is in another dimension.
There's a lot of metaphysical transformation in this that deals with the real world and also this interdimensional world of who you are in other lifetimes. But it's representing the problems that they're dealing with in our current life.
And the whimsy again in films. You're like, this is what weirdo movies used to be like where they did crazy shit and you were like, oh.
Sounds like some arthouse shit to me. I want to see some fucking explosions.
I want to see some fucking explosions. You and I do are Predator guys, huh? Is Schwarzenegger in it? You guys are definitely both Predators, that's for sure.
I am Chris Hansen. Can I talk to you for a second? So they stole it from the multiverse thing that Marvel was doing.
Okay. Let me ask you that.
I'm out here trying to support Asians on AAPI Month. Is Spider-Man in it? Isn't it Asian Month? Isn't this AAPI month? Or it's AP plus? Or it's C plus plus? Whichever math that they do.
Asian American Pacific Islander, May 1st to May 31st. It is the fucking month of your people and here you are fucking me off on an all Asian casted film.
Fuck you. You fucking shit Korean.
You're a shit Korean. really are piece of shit I really want to watch it you should cause you know what let me say to my camera I love Asians they are I have my heart grows thicker as I've done this podcast with all my Asian people and Bobby has diverted away from becoming whole with the community so accept me remove him he's not He's not an Uncle Tom.
He's an Uncle Pen-Tang Tom. That's Uncle Tang.
Uncle Tang. You're an Uncle Tang and you know it.
Yeah. Listen here, Uncle Wong.
That's just like Asian Appreciation Month or whatever for nobody to know about it because Asians are very demure. They don't make a lot of...
But Stop Asian Hate, they were loud about that one. Who did that? Was that the whites? That was the whites that did that.
Yeah, the whites did it. If the Asians did it, it would have been a lot.
Could you think we could do a Stop White Hate? Yeah, let's start it now. Yeah, it just...
My question was Stop Asian Hate. Why didn't they just use their karate? You know what they did? As you take that off and have the most Asian hair behind your head.
Yeah. It looks like you were in karate slippers with that hair.
It was funny how Black Lives Matter was a big campaign that was moving heavily. Yeah.
And out of nowhere, Stop Asian Hate just snuck in like a ninja in the middle of the night. Get out of here, BLM.
Yeah. But you know what? We want everyone to be treated equally, including Rudy's, including people from the islands.
Let me ask you tom yeah but you know what we want everyone to be treated equally including rudy's including people from the islands let me ask you janice you know growing up did you hook up with asian girls um it's a big no yeah i paused i have i have hooked up with a few yes full or half um a couple of full what kind uh short what kind of asian yeah yeah, I didn't. I didn't.
You don't get that far. I didn't get that far.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you remember a last name? We can blank it because we can figure out what the last name or the first name because he's- Yeah, I'm pretty good at it. He's pretty good.
It was either a Chan or a Chow or- Yeah, Chinese. Chinese.
Yeah, that's called Chinese. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And why didn't it work out? You know, different cultures, you know? Yeah.

You know what?

Why don't you say it? We were in different tracks.

That sideways vagina fucks you up every time.

Yeah, that does.

And we were in different tracks in school.

I had to go to the slow class.

She went to like the special.

She was, you know, I was in the special.

I was in the low track.

And she was in the all Asian track.

Right.

Were you held back in school for real?

I was stupid. I wasn't Asian.
Which, by the way, I went to my brother-in-law's graduation. He's going to be a doctor.
There is no diversity in those smart schools. I remember the non-Asian names.
Congratulations, Sharifa and Kelly Constantino. Everything else was just one name after another.
Kelly Tang, Chow. It was just like Asians are crushing it dude whatever the parents are doing at home making you sleep outside they're bullying them into doing well otherwise they'll punish them for the rest of their lives relationship wise that movie kind of has a lot of that in it it has a Chinese immigrant family who is disappointed in their daughter and they don't even live up to their own expectations yeah and all we have is like fucking gary v going like grind we're like that doesn't work i need to be hit and be told to stay outside and my parents need to have come here with three cents in their pocket and that's the reason i'll work that guy yeah that's enough that's enough of that guy and you know what's great about that movie too is dude you gotta fucking you know what you have to fucking do sell your shoes sell your fucking shoes off your feet and fucking that then you're then you start a business that guy's so fucking annoying i can't get rid of this guy i mean god bless the work he's trying to do i get it but he's just uh what's going on you take your pants off yeah it's your mic.
I don't give a shit.

Gary Vee!

Sometimes I want mic yeah it's your mic i don't give a shit sometimes i wonder why the show is taking a dive and then i'm reminded by a wet fart into the microphone at midnight but you know what's great about the movie too is that um it's a return of um data or short round from indiana jones he's in the movie correct you know who else is in there? Who? The older guy, James Hong. James Hong? James Hong? James Hong? Wait, yeah, James Hong.
Got it right. He is so good.
This Stephanie Sue, though, the young girl that plays the daughter, so dope. Yeah, I want to watch it.
Everyone's telling me to watch it. It's so good, dude, honestly.
My whole thing was because A24 doesn't miss. They don't fucking miss.
And you're on an A24 show too. I am on an A24 show.
Well, I'm not on it. I'm a guest star on a fucking A24 show.
Yeah, he's on it. Oh.
Yeah, he's on an A24 show. Now I know why you like this movie so much.
Nice. I'm surrounded by Asians.
Dude, cross promo. A couple of months with Ali Wong and you just can't, you know what I mean? You just, you really get sucked into the people.
Yeah. They're good people.
I mean, also, by the way, let's say, let's say our peace, God bless, one of the greats of all time passed away this morning. Oh, Ray Liotta.
Oh my God. What the fuck, man? Do you know he died in his schlept? So would you want to die in your sleep? I think about that.
I was talking to my buddy Scott today and we were together and we were chatting about it and he was like, he died in his sleep and he goes, I guess it's a pretty good way. I don't, I want't I want to be awake when I die you do why because I want to know it's real because otherwise if you die in your sleep what is that who knows if you ever know that's the best way that's the best way not knowing I don't know the horror of knowing I'm dying yeah you're gonna die I'd rather see it happen and go I'm dying I want to know I thought you meant you'd rather see him dying so You know I'm going to watch this guy die.
They're going to call me. She's going to call.
Tito Andrew, Bobby is not doing so well. And then you know I'm full speed in my car.
You're like, I want to see it. I want to see it.
Valet the car, get up there. Bobby's like, Andrew, you're the only person that came to see me I'm like I know baby boy and I rub your little Korean head and I rub you as you slowly pass away and no one's there it's just me and you in the room and the moment that you pass away what do I do? start filming and put it on podcast start filming it you gotta monetize it the moment you die I to your dad.
I take a selfie with your dead body. Be huge, dude.
You know that this guy took a selfie with his dad the moment after he died. That wasn't my fault, though.
My mom goes, selfie. You took the picture.
I know, but she was like, selfie now. Yeah, but you could have gone, no.
It's my mom. She's in grief.
You were amped. I did smile.
You smiled. I did smile.
In the photo, he's like, hey, we did think Giannis you're right Because if you go to sleep And then you're just dead The trauma of knowing you're gonna die Is not there I just think I wanna know What do you want Rudy Because I wanna know this is it And I kinda would feel at peace But in your sleep how do you know You could be skipping lives and why do you want, Rudy? Do you want to see yourself? Because I want to know this is it, this is the end, and I kind of would feel at peace like, okay, this is it. But in your sleep, how do you know? You could be skipping lives.
Why do you want to know, though? Because it's happening anyway. It's undeniable.
Yeah, but what do you want to, like, you want to get your affairs in order in that moment? No, I just want to, like, I want to see, you know, I want to know what the last piece of time is for me on the earth. I want to see it instead of being in a dream state.
also sleep poorly orgasm i want to die when i'm having an orgasm not in my sleep okay right i'm looking at the girl's eyes girl's eyes kalilah a girl's eyes my girl's eyes a girl's eyes the one that i'm seeing is what i meant to say you could i mean who knows who knows right any girl's are Are you looking up porno? What are you doing over there now? Yeah, but I mean, that's what you want, but you're not taking into account what she may want. She doesn't want a corpse on top of her.
But that's what I want. So she's gonna just like...
I wanna leave a mark. You hear me? She needs to go to therapy.
Right. Right? It's gonna scar her.
It will. I'll leave a little mark.
Yeah. Right? She already has a corpse when he's on top of her.
That's like, he fishes all around. He flop fishes all around anyway.
She goes, Bobby, are you alive? I'm still here. You can die via orgasm.
I don't fuck good. I know you don't, buddy.
You're right. I don't fuck good.
Neither do I, dude. I don't think, do you? I mean, I don't fuck good.
I think it's fine. I'm not good.
I'm certainly not like skilled. I started watching this guy owen gray who like women love it's like yeah let's see that yeah all women all straight women used to watch lesbian porn because it was softer yeah yeah until owen gray came into the picture and changed the fucking game and he makes them come over and over and over again and i started watching this guy i'm like oh oh my God, dude.
We are all, we are all underperforming.

I gotta tell you something.

I've seen this guy. He fucks women good.

The tatted up guy.

Right?

Skinny tatted up guy.

Yes.

He's amazing.

He's got a scar on his chest

and he fucking, he holds like a massage thing

on their clit and he bangs them

and he eats them out.

Is he a porn star?

Yes.

He's like a woman.

He's more than a porn star.

He's like a female hero.

Rudy, go ahead. You're nodding.
Go ahead and speak up. How saw his movies.
Of course she has. You saw his penis going to her vagina.
That's what a porno is, bud. I know, but why are you watching porn like that? She's a grown-up.
What the fuck are you talking about? I know, but you're right. I thought she was his daughter, though.
She kind of is my daughter, though. It's his niece by proxy, but she's 20 years old.
You'll be 21. When are you 21? November.
Yeah, she's a fucking grown up. She's like our daughter.
Yeah. But also, you know she's watching all this bullshit.
What are you going to... I mean, that's like whenever you think...
What were you doing when you were way younger than her? You were a fucking piece of shit. Yeah.
You were a piece of shit. I was a pile of shit.
Yeah, dude. So let her fucking watch Owen Gray do his do his dance.
Yeah. You liked it, huh? Yeah.
Is his penis long? Yeah. No, he's the only porn star with a really short hair.
His penis is long. Yes.
Is it girthy? Yeah, it's magical. It's got a Gandalf vibe.
It's got a wizardry. Now, this is interesting because he's a white and you don't like whites.
think him and Harry Styles don't two whites that's all we get so if he wanted to make love to you you wouldn't let him yeah so we got two whites on the board we should have a board back here that says whites that could bone Rudy yeah because honestly that's only the two whites you've ever named that you're okay with he does like it's like a social service for women when you watch it it's like all he's just taking care of them it kind of scares me yeah they're just like so good they're vibrating they're like they're going nuts he's like just making them come and i'm just watching going like i don't do any of that i don't even watch it masturbate i just watch and take no i just learn a little bit you've never made a woman come i have but it's like by accident i've done it by accident i've done it like a few times. I can count.
I can remember them. Are you guys both being serious? Yeah.
You don't try. That's not...
I've tried. You do it all the time? Every time.
What are you, gay? Like the girls always roll their eyes. That's because they're like...
Yeah. Are you done? Yeah.
And then they maybe ask, I did it, okay, let's go see it. Not every time if you're like, you're just like hooking up with someone when you're single, but like the person that you're married to or with, oh yeah, dude, you gotta make them come.
Really? Yeah, if you're the thing, if you're... La lavanda ha vuelto a Starbucks.
Pon un toque de primavera en tu taza Con el ice lavender matcha Que lo disfrutes Tus ice lavender lattes Están listos en Starbucks DoorDash Hey man Hey When you're in Florida And you needed to order something DoorDash every second of any day DoorDash every second of day. What do you need? You can get it.
Deodorant. Snacks.
Toothpaste. Drinks.
Food. Household essentials.
I mean, whatever you want. You want Chinese food? You want pizza? Whatever you got.
Yeah, yeah. If you need it.
Fro-yo, fro-yo, fro-yo. Fro-yo.
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And BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions to your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone if you don't want to.
It's very easy. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy.
During the pandemic and during the quarantine and stuff, I mean, without BetterHelp, I would have lost my mind. It really did help me, and I still continue to use it.
Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash BadFriends. That's Better, H-E-L-P.com slash BadFriends.
10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash BadFriends. Yeah.
That That was a genuine really. You and I are similar in many ways.
Really? Every time? Okay, look. Almost every time.
It has to be a priority for sure. Okay, let's say you're the – teach us.
So we're in a class. We signed up.
We're in New York. We're two guys that can't make girls come.
You're Andrew Salvador Santino.

Salvador Santino.

All right.

And we take your class.

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Bob and this is Giannis.

Okay, Asian guy.

Okay, Greek boy.

I'll be cheating off of him.

Okay.

Yes.

So give us some notes.

Do you have any black friends?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Guy friends?

Yeah.

Call them over to fuck your girl.

Christy Smith.

Wow.

You cuck your way.

Yeah.

You're going to have to cuck your way

because you're not willing to put in the effort.

That's so fucking...

First of all, let me say something.

The only thing you're putting effort into

was how the way you ate that double-double

before we started this show.

You fucking murdered that animal style.

If you ate pussy the way you ate In-N-Out burgers, you'd make show. You fucking murdered that animal style.
If you ate pussy

the way you ate

In-N-Out burgers,

you'd make fucking,

you'd make her cum.

Listen.

You little Asian rat

with a...

Okay, I did all this

for comedy's sake, right?

This whole show

is for comedy's sake.

I know.

My point is that

I've made many

of the women's cums.

Okay?

Sure.

I have. Sure.
You know what I mean? Sure. I can do this.
I cook. Do this.
Cook. What are you doing? Come here.
Come here, woman. You're like looking at a wet booger.
Does this work? Plug your ears, right? Get over here. Get over here.
I did this to. Right.
So I stick it in, right? I hook, right? Hook and pull. You hook and pull, right? Flood City.
And then the clit, right? I've done all that. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah. And they've gone all wild.
Yeah. Okay.
They get all hog wild? They have. And the mustache is like a clit tickler.
That helps. Thank you so much.
That's why you even have it, my friend. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I've done other things as well. What are the moves that you do? I do.
I do do the, I try to do the hook and pull. Yeah, I do the hook and pull.
The hook and pull. Yeah.
You know, try to get them to square. And then until they go, why are you doing that? What are you, why are you furiously doing that? And I go, I saw it in a movie.
And they go, that's not, it's too hard. It doesn't work.
Stop it. And then I stop.
And then I stop it. You just gotta.
No, you have to stop. You gotta hit him a few times with an elbow.
Bam. Boom.
Right, right. Boom, right in the neck.
You gotta hit. Get him in the neck.
That's how you get him good. And then they everywhere, you know? Oh, you gotta hit him in the neck.
You gotta forearm him. Boom, right in the neck.
Like that, then they get him. You have to put a warning on that part.
Do not do that. There's some kid watching now going, that's what I got to do.
I knew it. I knew.
Do you guys do this? And I'm embarrassed. But do you ever go like when you're doing it and you're about to come.
Yeah. But you don't want to.
So I always go, I got to stop. I got to stop right now for a second.
Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on. Yeah.
And I'll pull out and I'll just kind of lay on the side of the bed

and regroup.

Have you done that?

Because I've done that.

Yeah.

I did it when I was younger.

Now I'm like trying to come.

You got to get out of there.

Yeah.

We got somewhere to come.

This guy's got appointments.

He's got stuff going on.

And also like I've just chafed down the nerves

of my dick so much masturbation

that like it's like I need more, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that.
I need my wife to tell her. I still do that.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop fast remember the first time you did it you go i came it was just like right when you had i call me i lied yeah i lied oh Yeah, yeah. I lied.
Oh, you would? I lied and pretended. And she was like, did you already? I was like, no.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I didn't. It happened to me.
And that's my girlfriend in high school got pregnant. And we had the baby.
No, you didn't. No, we didn't.
I just didn't know what I was supposed to say there. I mean, we did get, we got.
You got a smush morphine? We got it. Yeah, we got a smush got some smorphman Well you're pro-life Did you pay for it? Pro-choice My dad paid for it Your dad got involved I had to like take him to BBQ's and tell him It's a weird convo I was like dad I gotta go pregnant And he gave me 700 bucks Wait what's BBQ's? BBQ's is that like You don't have BBQ's out here? I've never heard of that in my life It's like a Barbecue? Barbecue restaurant Like a chain I've never heard of that We don't know BBQ's That is frequented by a lot of people Who are not white When you said BBQ When you said I talked to my dad And I had to tell him about the abortion At BBQ's I thought that was an abortion clinic I was like BBQ's is a weird Come on in to BBQ's Come on in to BBQ's Skewer that baby right out of here We'll roast up that little baby right out of you.
Roast him, toast him, spit fire, and ghost him. Yeah.
Welcome to BBQ's Abortion Clinic. I'm Big Mac.
No, but you know what? You did what you guys had to do. I mean, yeah.
I mean, we were young. It was, you know, I think it was only a couple minutes that she knew she was pregnant.
I'm just trying to make everyone happy. Yeah.
Yeah. It's a very hot button issue right now.
I'm not even sure if it happened. It might have been a dream.
Yeah, it might have been a fever dream. It might have been a fever dream.
I'm not even sure if it happened. No, you know what? Was he concerned your dad? Was he like, son, I told you the rules and I'm pulling it out.
Did he do the whole like, you should? No, I think he just continued watching the game and just handed me a couple bells. I think I remember him just going out of his wallet and going like that.
He's like, how much is it? Get the fuck out of here. He was like happy that it works.
He was just happy I was having sex with girls. Oh, right, right, right.
Did he think otherwise? Well, my oldest brother's gay, so I think he was hoping for one. Yeah.
Yeah. Oh, I see.
Is your older brother married? No. He's fucking having a blast.
Yeah, he's just a fucking- But did he come out early in life then? No, no. But your dad kind of already knew he was? Everyone knew.
It just did. We didn't talk about it.
That's how it worked when you had like older parents. It just wasn't- Well, you have immigrant parents too, so it's even harder, right? Yeah.
That's a different- That's just a- But did you pull your brother's- know your secret Well it wasn't a secret

I know that you

I could just tell by the way he dressed

He was dressed well

So but honestly was there a moment

That he said to you

Giannis I want to talk to you about something

Yeah like I went in his room and he was like

Two guys were blowing each other

I was like I get it now

It's a moment he couldn't yeah

Did you really catch him doing something

Thank you. two guys were blowing each other.
I was like, I get it now. It's a moment.
He couldn't, yeah. Did you really catch him doing something? No, we didn't catch him.
But a piece of me thinks you did. Yeah, yeah.
But no, we didn't. Is that the brother that's famous? Don't you have a political brother? Yeah, but he's not famous.
To me, I've seen him on TV, I think. No.
No? No. How do I know your brother? Because of him.
You know him. No, no, no, no, no.
Right now I'm curious about how you know my brother.

No, no, no, no.

How do you know my brother, Bobby?

Honestly, I know your brother from some politics thing.

From Grindr it sounds like.

No, no, wait.

What does your brother do?

What does your brother do?

Other guys.

I don't know what I'm saying.

Yeah, he does other guys.

Yeah, exactly.

So you don't have a brother that is semi-famous in politics?

No, I wouldn't call him semi-famous, no.

What does he do?

He was in politics.

He worked for the Obama and Clinton administration.

That's how I know him.

Yeah, that's how I know him. What do you mean that's how you know him? Did you work on a campaign? I was going to get him on Grindr.
Either you sucked his dick or you worked on the campaign and the silly way you didn't know him. I swore to God I saw a documentary or something with him in it or I don't know.
He was definitely not in a documentary. Are you sure?

Not 100% sure. Giannis, Giannis, just let him have this one at this point.
I'll let him have it. Yeah, he was in a documentary.
Yeah, there it is. He was in that documentary.
Yeah. Let me ask you something.
It was the last dance. I do that to him all the time.
Yeah. At some point, he'll think it's something is real.
It's not real. I was really, I should have just been going with it.
Well, at some point, I go, yes, Bobby. Yeah, he was.
Giannis, Giannis, I swear to God, right? for some reason or another I knew who your brother was

and I knew that he was involved in politics, and I know what he looks like. So how was that possible? Because you Googled me, maybe.
Yeah. You might have looked at my Wikipedia page.
Yeah, before I came over, you're like, who is this fucking guy again? That's what I did. That's what it was, yeah.
Have you ever gone out partying with your brother like at like at a gay nightclub no but recently uh i did go to his birthday and it was like all his gay friends were there and they party different man yeah they party hard you open the door they're naked they're doing poppers yeah and it's just a different vibe they're so see gay guys still do drugs we don't do drugs anymore they're just like oh they're having a great time yes yeah because there's no kids there's no fucking everyone's got a job yeah you know what i mean i mean if we us three were gay if huh yeah if we were gay i could do it i know we would have so much fun so much fun i mean we'd be like someone argue it's what we're doing right now and like we could do the pod yeah right and but before but before and after we it would be like not an emotional thing.

Is that your gay voice?

No.

No.

He's just it's letting he's letting it take over.

I'm just talking.

He's just letting it happen.

Yeah.

But it's like it wouldn't be an emotional thing.

We just fuck.

Yeah.

Here's my gay voice.

Okay.

Oh, hey.

What's up?

Oh, hey.

Oh, hey, ba.

I'm real low and smooth.

Oh, I see.

Hey, ba. What would mine be? Real femme.
Hey. Like that? No, you'd be like a little, do like a little Japanese girl.
Oh, hey, how are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That I'd like you like that.
I suck, yeah? I suck, suck. Oh, man.
Hey, keep talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, keep talking. Let's do trains.
Oh Let me call our buddies You know that new movie Brad Pitt doing in the trains Yeah And then Rudy do you like Tito like that You know Why not go all the way I would just be like Oh really Oh yeah Oh give me that Yeah Just be like Hungry for cock all the time. Be like a mixture of like Harvey Weinstein, Tim Dahl.
Cock, cock, cock. Yeah, but we would talk like this amongst ourselves, but in the business place, we'd tone it down, right? For sure.
I cannot do this in the business place. Yeah, you can.
I can. That's hot.
We could sell so many shows like that. Yeah.
Let's go to call CBS right now. Would you say that for capp Could I be working on a cappuccino? Yeah, you would.
When's someone going to make a show about three guys who choose to be gay in order to pitch a show? Like just go, we're gay and we just become gay. You can become gay, right? You don't have to be born gay.
Now that they've sufficiently proven that you're born gay, does that mean you can't choose it? You can choose it sure of course you can like you can just go hey you know what i'm fucking gonna be i'm gonna be i'm gonna start fucking guys and be gay that's an interesting perspective because you can choose anything you want yeah they've proven that it's signed that it's that that you are born gay but then at some point if you're like sick of this pussy yeah i'm sick of this or not even if you're not you're just like you know what I want to try something I want to do it I want to be a gay guy it's like that white girl from Washington who was the leader of the NAACP Rachel Dolezal but she's really white but she still insists that she's black she feels black but the black community kind of is okay with her they kind of that looks like my sister on the left that left. That's like anybody I show up with.
But then she was like, I'm black. You know what the case was? You know, if you say you're black enough, you do kind of start to look black.
She really pulled it off for a while. But, you know, I think a lot of it was the way she was built.
She had like such a big ass. I think a lot of the black guys didn't even notice she was white.
Sort of like being intimidated by the Yankee pinstripes. Yeah, they just can't see.

You know what's so funny though? Look at how

white she started out. Like in the

first photo right there. Go to the first photo, the first one

that we saw. It's down in the second row in the middle.

But like, that's like me.

That's like my skin tone. To get to where

she is now is

arduous. I mean, that's so much

tanning. Yeah.
It's a lot of work. She should have done done if you start out and you've got some real flavor in your skin like rudy rudy could could tan a fuckload and then maybe try to sell it that she could if she like did the hair a certain way and had to start speaking a certain way i she could i if she told me she was black i'd be like oh she must be a little Asian, a little black.
She could pull it off. You might not even know what she is.

Do you know what she is?

Exactly.

Chinese?

Yeah, see?

No, not even close.

Thailand.

Vietnam.

Laos.

Keep going.

So close.

Really try.

Are you trying?

Yeah, I'm trying.

I've named almost every Asian country.

Korean.

No.

Whoa, dude.

Jesus Christ.

Wait, let me see.

He's bringing up the map of Asia.

Laos, Thailand.

Filipino.

Bing, bang, bing, bing, bing.

I should have started with that one.

I'm in LA.

You should have known better.

In New York, we put that in the back because there's no Filipinos.

I know.

They all come here.

Yeah, there's no Filipinos.

Well, this is so much closer.

They don't have any in New York?

I hate in LA. I should have...
Yeah. You should have known better.
In New York, we put that in the back because there's like no Filipinos. I know.
They all come here. Yeah, there's no Filipinos.
Well, this is so much closer. They don't have any in New York? They don't.
It's just a lot of... Mostly Chinese.
Oh. Yeah.
That's why it's... I saw.
We know why Rachel was like that though, right? Why she what? She so identifies as a black person. I watched the documentary.
It's because her parents were super religious, and they adopted a bunch of black kids. Yeah.
Right? And she saw them being abused and psychologically abused, and she wanted to save them, right? So she identified with their struggle. But that was her story.
And based on what she did with her life, I don't know if we could take it as truth. She's got a little bit of a tendency to lie.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, because her parents were like, no, none of that didn't happen. She just kind of said she was black and left.
Yeah. They were against it.
Yeah. They were like, but that's also because they were probably, you know, really just crazy racist.
It's also possible that she just had sex with a black guy She did, she has three kids And she was just like, I'm doing this now This is way more fun But she could do that as a white girl Why does she have to be black to do that? It just turns you, dude If you get fucked that good The black dick was so black It was like she put on And the cum bit. Changed it.
Changed her. You hear me? It was like an internal dying system.
You get melanin from it? Yeah. It's possible.
But do you think that if- That's how good black dick is. That you're like, that's it.
I'm going black. Yeah.
I'm going to be black. Yeah.
But do you think a straight guy can be conditioned to like dick? Yes. Sorry? a straight man yeah well you were saying earlier like you think that like oh he's going back to the thing he's really interested in yeah it's like i'm just going to talk more about these dicks yeah yeah yeah yeah do you think you can be conditioned to like and of course you can yeah but through what prison is probably a big one yeah dicks Dicks on women.
Help. Yes.
Oh, yeah. A segue.
You're segueing into it. It's like riding a bike with training wheels.
You're learning. Right.
And then at some point, you got to take them off and just go full dick. Yeah.
Yeah. No tits, full dick.
But do you think that like me, I'm fully heterosexual? Yeah. Do I think that? No, I am.
That wasn't convincing. Me, I'm fully heterosexual.
I am, right? Yeah. But do you think that I could ever be conditioned to fully only like dick and not have vagina? There's not a doubt in my mind.
Yeah. There's not a doubt.
How about you? There's not a shred of doubt. It would be tough for me because I'm trying to explain it without.
First of all, guys are disgusting to me.

Men are gross.

Yeah.

I mean, just awful, disgusting people.

Yeah.

And penises, including my own, are just so awful looking to me.

I just, it's a, it's just an yucky thing to look. I don't even like looking at my, I close my eyes.

They're not so yucky to me.

Okay.

Well, you could have been, you can be flip-flopped.

Same here.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm not like, I don't see.

You guys want us all to leave?

Yeah.

You guys can do the pot just you too?

I mean, yeah.

They're not yucky to me either.

They're not yucky.

I'll just... okay, well, you could have been, you can be flip-flopped.
Same here. Yeah, I mean, I'm not like, you guys want us all to leave? Yeah.
You guys can do the pot just you two? I mean, yeah. They're not yucky to me either.
They're not yucky. Oh, yeah, the Kinsey scale.
And we tried to do the Kinsey scale one time on this show, and it did prove. That was bisexual.
That you were bisexual. It did.
It did. We literally proved that he was bi.
Yeah, I was like a fortified. No, it was like in the 30%.
42%. 42%.
I'm 40% bi.

Yeah.

But the Kinsey scale is real.

You know, this is like a real scientific scale.

They say we're all kind of on it.

On a spectrum.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm straight.

I like women,

but there's some vaginas I've seen

that I've been like...

Looks like a dick.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And I've seen...

There's some uglier dicks

and some handsomer dicks.

So I go with more like

case-by-case basis.

I'd be so intimidated

with the whole thing.

I just... you know, getting penetrated scares me.
And, you know, I just, no thank you. Well, that's not, you know, there's other things that you can do.
Yeah. At some point they're going to want the buck.
I think we're grooming him. I feel like I'm being forced.

It doesn't feel right.

Well, you like Rudy, but Rudy likes girls and guys. I like girls and guys.

You like guys more?

Yeah, because I haven't been with

a girl, so I don't know. But you're

attracted to women? Yeah. I think women,

it's more flexible. Yeah, you know why?

Because look what they look like, look what we look like.

If you were a woman,

you'd also be like, look at these other pretty things that put themselves together well versus these, you know. No, I think you have to change your thinking, Andrew.
I really do. I think you just have this like stuck, you know what I mean, idea about certain things.
Yeah, I do. Yeah, correct.
You should open up your... I'm not opening up anything for you, buddy.
All right. Back off with trying to force your dick in and on and around.
I'm not doing that at all. Well, I'm not going to do it.
That's crazy. I'm not going to do it.
Well, then you don't want the role. I guess I got it.
That's interesting. Is there any role that I would suck or fuck for? Not fuck, because I know you don't like penetration.
No, I don don't want that but me and Giannis are producers right yes yeah right and we are what studio let you guys go Disney yeah with a new Disney head yeah yeah so um and is there anything that we can offer you yeah so we were looking for someone who just, red hair. That's me.
Definitely. Yeah.
Manly, little chorus. Okay.
Yeah. There's only, there's just the thing is.
Americana. Americana.
We love Americana. With a little edge, a little feisty sports fan.
Yeah. The thing is, there's a lot that we have about 10 of you to choose from.
Oh, wow. So, you're all great.
We love you all. We just want to know.
Well, just tell them what the project is. Well, okay.
Basically, we're creating a new superhero. Yes.
For the Marvel. Oh, seriously? Yeah.
Wow. And we're combining a bunch of them in Wolverine, but we're going to combine Wolverine with what? We're going to combine Wolverine with.
Doesn't know any other superheroes? No, no. Wolverine and it's going to be Wolverine and Wonder Woman.
Yeah. So she's going to be a non-binary.
It's a Marvel TC cross. Yeah, it's a cross.
Because the Wonder Woman was very difficult to get. Yes.
It is DC and we're Marvel. Absolutely.
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I books it's a wolverine wonder woman it's a wonder woman very difficult to do yeah contractually listen it sounds cool yeah yeah yeah and then we have another superhero which is spider person spider person you will no longer say man yeah it's a non-binary it's a non-binary superhero movie yeah do i still shoot webs or what do I shoot? Yeah, but not out of your wrists. Not out of your wrists.
Where is it out of? It's out of something else. And it's now.
It's right now. We want to see it before the movie.
That's the thing we brought you in for. It's because we want to see how you shoot your web.
And we can help you. We can help you do it.
Yeah. In fact, you know, Giannis and I, we really want to help you train.
We want to help you train. Because we have the movements, the web thing.
Very good point. We like you.
Yeah, we do. Wait a minute.
Do I have the role? Do you want it? Is the question. Yeah.
Do you see what I'm saying? I don't know. I mean, yeah, I do want the role.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Andrew Santorum.
Andrew Santino. Do you want the role? Wait, this isn't Rick Santorum.
No, it's not. I do want the role.
You want the role. Yeah, yeah.
What do I have to do to get the role? I feel like it's done, right? We need to see you shoot your web. Yeah, shoot your web because there's a spider person in it in combination with Wonder Woman and Wolverine, right? It's Wonder Wolva Spider.
Wonder Wolva Spider. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wonder Wolva Spider. Wonder Wolva Spider Person? The web's going to be shot out of your private area? Yes.
Yes. We don't call – it's not – Spider Person doesn't have a penis.
It's not. Oh.
It's not a, yeah, there's no gender. But I have a penis.
No, no, no. It's an opening.
No, it's a cis, it's a cis, it's, it's a nondescript, non-binary, cis. Cis.
Oh. Yeah.
I mean, it does protrude out of the area. Yeah.

I mean,

it does protrude out of the area.

Yeah.

Right?

There is like

a head

region.

When it protrudes,

when it gets hard,

you say,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry,

I'm sorry.

You apologize for it.

Okay.

I apologize for it.

It's encroaching on people's face.

It's a little aggro.

Got it.

So there's a lot of apologizing

while you're doing that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But your power does come from there

and that's when you shoot.

And here's the deal, okay? This is interesting, right?

Because when the web comes out, right?

It devastates people from the

inside. So the web has to

go inside the body. Yeah.

So we'll have our mouths open. Yes!

Yes. Yes.
Right? Because it goes

in and it destroys the organs.

So that's your addition.

Your addition. Will you fuck us for this role? Yeah, yeah, but I'm telling you right now, $100 million guaranteed.
Star. Star.
We're going to make you a star. Star.
Does it have to be both or can I just pick one? Well, you could do either one of us, but if you pick Janice, I definitely have to be there to watch.

Well, we'd prefer if you just did a little dipping in both. On both.

Yeah, yeah.

Because we're both, you know.

Yeah, we're talking star, Andrew.

This is what you dreamed for.

This is what you moved out here for.

Yeah.

Right?

Do you want this?

I want my name in lights.

Yeah, there we go.

Okay. Okay.
But. Yeah.
Get want my name in lights. Yeah, there we go.

Okay.

Okay.

But.

Yeah.

Get the NDA forms ready.

I guess I'm going to be a star.

Yes, you are.

Hold on a second.

I opened the door.

Tony Hinchcliffe, you can go home.

Because he was your backup.

He was. Yeah, Tony Hinchcliffe was your backup.

That's probably happened. Yeah, yeah.
That probably has happened. They pulled out the NDAs and said okay you got the role congratulations so many times congratulations Andrew did you forget that Wonder Woman was DC yeah I was not aware of that he's not into that shit yeah he does you know the difference between DC and Marvel I don't I like how you said oh he's not you know the difference between dc and marvel right i don't all right i like how you said yes he is like superman superman what is it marvel dc just superman i would be guessing yeah go ahead marvel no no that's crazy yeah batman dc i'm just guessing yes yeah that's right but i'm guessing i didn't know that there was an affiliation iron what Man.
What is DC and Marvel? DC Comics and Marvel. They're just two competing companies.
It's Nike and Reebok. Pepsi and Coke.
I was into Barbies as a kid. Oh.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Oh. I know that's Mattel.
Oh, yeah. No, we know you know that.
He's into dressing Barbies. Why is it? Were you guys- No, no, no.
Nothing wrong. No, no, no no no no no we think I'm not judging you guys

no we're not judging

no it's just shocking

that you would not know

the difference between the two

that's

I was doing straight stuff

I was addressing Barbie

it's a huge thing

in our pop culture

well like

I don't describe

you're not even from here

right you're from the Philippines

right

I thought she was your niece

so I'm gonna ask you some questions

alright

I thought she was your niece

right

it's Kalilah's niece

Kalilah's niece

yeah yeah yeah

let's see

X-Men

Marvel

yeah Thank yeah.

Let's see.

X-Men.

Marvel.

Yes.

Fantastic Four.

Marvel.

Yeah.

Spider-person.

Marvel.

Yes.

The Flash.

DC.

Says she knows.

Yeah.

Daredevil.

Black Panther. Marvel.
No, BET. Yeah.
Daredevil. Black Panther.
Marvel. No, B.E.T.
B.E.T. B.E.T.
Source Magazine. Five mics.
Five mics, baby. That is interesting to think that.
I guess I'm not a big comic book guy, but I do know that stuff. Yeah, we're sports guys.
Did you watch Star Wars? No. I watched the first one, I lost interest.
I was a weird guy. I was into adult movies when I was a kid.
I was into Woody Allen. Serpico? Serpico, Woody Allen movies.
Oh, right. Even as a kid, you never saw...
I was a Star Wars guy, were you? You never saw Star Wars. You know this about me.
You know I've never seen a Harry Potter. A Star Wars when you were a kid? Like the New Hope? I've seen Star Wars.
Empire Strikes Back. Return of the Jedi.
I've seen them in pieces over the years, yeah. So you know? I didn't go to the theater to watch those things.
But you know the story? I know all of it, yeah. Okay.
Do you know the story of Star Wars? Loosely. What do you mean? Loosely's not in the movie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, Lucy's not in the movie.
Darth Vader. Luke Skywalker, right? Who's his sister? Princess Leia.
That's common. Tell me the story like a real New York scumbag would say.
All right, so what happens is, right? Yeah, yeah. Fucking this guy, he doesn't know his father is.
And his father turns out to be like a fucking crackhead on the fucking corner who's actually selling him the fucking crack. And then he goes, hey, guy, you know, fucking come over on this side and fucking make some money.
But he goes, my mom rose me right. She rose me up right.
I'm trying to get a fucking union job. I'm doing good.
He goes, no, come over over here. There's good fucking money over here.
We pay cash.

And he goes, I can't fucking do that.

I got to kill you because you're fucking,

you're driving down the property value

that's blocked by fucking selling drugs on the corner.

So he decides to fucking kill his father.

And then he fucks his sister

who he doesn't know is his fucking sister.

And then some fucking carpenter

who got a job as an actor

because fucking Steven Spielberg made him suck his dick.

So you know that? Yeah, I didn't know that. He's another guy that's in there.
I don't know what Han Solo does. I don't know.
That's my extent of Star Wars. I don't know what his deal is.
I don't know where he comes from. Well, he was a smuggler, right? He just, by chance, ran into Obi-Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker at Mos Eisley eisley the bar right and because he was in most eisley aren't you old 50 how do you know all this shit i just because i'm i just know about star wars no he's the generation that knows this the most yeah in the 70s star wars came out in the 70s in 1977 i was i was seven or eight years old that all the kids wore the the clothing and all the Yeah.
You were born right after the war, right? Korean War. Vietnam or Korean? Which war were you born after? Vietnam.
Wait, you're not World War II? No, man. When the boys came home? No, because I knew that I was about the Vietnam Wars because the kids at school would go, if I'd show up at the play yard, they'd go, Charlie! Oh, man, that's bad.
And they would hide and stuff and throw rocks. Were you born in 69? 71.
Yeah. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. Did that hurt? Did that type of racism hurt? Oh, it was terrible.
Yeah, that's bad. They would go, Charlie, and then, okay, you're going to wear this rice paddy hat, okay? But let me ask you this question.
You wore it, though. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if you were really good friends with those guys, would it hurt as much or would it be more funny? No, I was never good friends with them. They would just do things.
These are just bullies. They just bully me.
But your friends would make fun of you together. Yeah, if your friends did that, would it be okay? No.
It's never okay. They would do it.
Oh. And I would accept it.
Right. I was like, one of those guys goes, okay, I'll do it.
You know what I mean and they throw rocks I'd be bleeding that's not fun yeah they're Charlie bleeding right you know what I mean and they would just keep doing it and I'd have to carry the rice around and cook the rice I guess I need to start carrying rocks like $2 $2 suck my dick right $2 fucky fucky right love you long time they make you say love love you long time. Love you long time.
That's bad. It's very mean.
He was mistreated for so long. But not anymore.
So when are you going back to New York? Tomorrow? Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning.
Oh my God. Yeah.
So you came here because we wanted to help you. Yes.
Because we think you're one of the funniest guys in the world. Thank you.
And you have a special coming out. Special's out.
Thank you. Okay.
Yeah, it's out. It's called Mom Love.
It's called Mom Love. It's out.
It's on YouTube right now. Can you bring up the screenshot of what it looks like? The title card there? So we can just throw it up on the image.
We obviously can't watch it. We don't want to watch it live on the show because- Then you guys wouldn't be laughing and they go, okay, why am I going to watch it? There it is.
Mom Love, my guy. And you shot it at? Comedy on State.
Comedy on State, baby. Wisconsin, Madison.
One of the greatest comedy clubs in the entire fucking world. I love that club.
Couldn't recommend it enough to people. Owned by Greek girls, did the best.
I love that club. Yeah.
They genuinely, that family. They do the best.
Has been so good to me over the years. And whenever I go, they treat me better than any fuck.
I mean, look, it's also because they have a family relationship. a lot of clubs aren't owned like that anymore but what those chicks do I went out on the boat with them me and O'Connor went out on the boat had like one of the best days out in that fucking lake that club what about Nick from Hilarity's the best one of the best yeah one of the best one of the best Nick taking you out on boats no but he got me a bat I know he I know he gets everyone a bat.
Yeah, he gets me shit. Yeah.

I never played Hilarities.

Are you kidding me?

Are you serious?

Where is it?

Cleveland.

No.

That's weird.

It's one of the best clubs in America.

It's like a Denver Comedy Works

and a Comedy Nace.

Yeah, it's that good.

You haven't been there?

I don't think so.

If I have, I don't remember.

I'm dead serious.

I don't think so.

You should.

I played so many different cities, but I just don't remember. I don't know.
I know I've never done hilarities. Wow.
And if I did, I don't remember. Well, that's interesting.
There's a lot of clubs I never played that everyone plays, and I always feel hurt by it because they never ask. I don't give a fuck at all.
You don't? No. Do you care about shit like that? not really what's it I'll go I mean I would go

if they asked me

but it's also like

sometimes you get offers

to do stuff

and you're like

I can't that week

and then they're like

we'll come back around to you

and you're like

I've already have seven

other dates

it gets harder and harder

where you're like

I can't do it

especially now

I think it matters less now

but it's great

when you go there

and they treat you well

and it's a great club

and they do the right things

and Comedy on State

does that

they make a menu for you

with like things

from your jokes

or whatever

like they put a lot

of effort in

Thank you. you well and it's a great club and they do the right things and comedy on state does that they make a menu for you with like things from your jokes or whatever like they put a lot of effort in their green room is incredible it's like it's not even it's an apartment it's an apartment it's a full fucking apartment and the room is just gorgeous it's done they just do it so well yeah and it's like it makes other clubs you're looking at the other clubs going like why don't you just put a little effort into it man why don't you just because a lot of times now not to get too inside baseball for people that don't give a fuck but everything is at Chili's now you're at a fucking you're basically at a Whataburger you're at a fucking local food and chop shop and that's fine you're at a Trader Joe's I'm gonna at a Trader Joe's.
A regional Trader Joe's. I'm going to talk shit about a club.
It's just brought up. Do it.
Yes. It's just brought up an issue.
Go. Hartford Funny Bone.
Oh, my God. That's, yeah.
Have I ever played there? I played a weekend there. Have I done that? And then Sunday night, the manager comes up.
Oh, yeah. I just didn't meet you.
I'm meeting you now. Here's a check.
Yeah. How long ago was this? This is probably eight years ago.
After he did that, I was like, oh, I'll never play your room again. That's so disrespectful.
Is it in a mall? I don't remember. It is in a mall.
It is in a mall. Yeah.
I don't give a fuck. Here's another one.
Virginia Beach, Funny Bone. I did great numbers.
They're like, he's too edgy. Yeah.
And never had me back. Hartford Funny Bone.
Go fuck yourself. Fuck them.
Yeah. You can say that now.
Please fuck me again. I'm actually happy that you're here and you're alive and you're awake from a Florida trip.
Look, you flew across the country and you're here on time. And you've contributed so much to the show like you always do.
You're my boyfriend, my lover, my king, my prince. Meanwhile, you, you have given me nothing.
You haven't interjected tonight. You haven't jumped on anything.

What's going on in your world?

She's still thinking about Owen Gray right now.

Yeah.

You're graying out.

You're grayed out right now?

Oh, I come home.

Guess what's in the house?

A new fucking animal?

Yeah. You got another fucking dog?

A puppy.

You scumbag.

What'd you call it?

Inky because it's black.

Oh, boy.

We're teetering on. It's called Inky? Yeah.
Because it's black. Yeah.
Okay. What, we got a photo of it here on your fucking story or your feed? It's Lil Inky.
Lil Inky. Lil Inky.
Is that an album coming soon? Lil Inky is here. What kind of dog is it? Pitbull.
Pitbull. You guys like pits a lot.
You guys always have some variation of pits. But this dog, so I didn't want to meet him.
I sat down while Calai was taking a shower, and the dog jumped on my lap and fell asleep. Where'd you get it from? And I started drooling.
From a rescue. From a rescue? Yeah.
How many dogs are in the house now? Four? Five. Well, one of them's going to go soon.
Which one? I know. Yeah, yeah.
know yeah yeah you lose you win some she's going out of the country now next week where are you going back home she hasn't been to philippines in three years right how long three years and what how long are you gonna stay for just two weeks that's that's what you think yeah you think you're i want to go back we're calling some people you want to come back here yeah nah i think you're're staying over there We're calling immigration I'll see what I can do We got fucking immigration on speed dial I'll see what I can do I haven't done anything wrong I know Oh I don't know about that But we can say things too Yeah we can lie Yeah So you better start fucking treating him a little bit better around the house Yeah Would you be bummed if you went to you went and they said you're not longer you can't go back yeah i'd be sad how would you would you try to get here anyway yeah boats well what you mean sneak in yeah yeah she should just marry a guy here right can you get in that way yeah but look he just andres just went to that he's now an american citizen he married a guy married a guy? Well, he married a guy here. He married a guy that's a citizen here.

But what is it?

How long do you have to be married so it's keep the citizenship?

Five years.

Five years.

Where's he from?

España.

Spain.

But he's one of the bad boy ones.

You could tell by looking at this guy, he's a bad boy.

Yeah.

Look at he's unbuttoned a little bit.

He's got that floral underneath.

Yeah.

He runs with the bulls.

Oh, yeah.

He's a bad boy.

You guys do any hiring from America? Not really. Not really, not really.
You gotta get a visa for everyone who works in this podcast. Well, here's why we hire these people.
We can kind of hold this over their head all the time. I like it.
We'll send you back at any given moment. I fucking like that.
So you know, but Fancy now is an American citizen, so we actually respect him but tell him we can give you carlos if you we can still take carlos yeah we can still do whatever we want with carlos right he's also mexican and you know that's you know that whole thing you're mexican yeah what does deep state mean deep state means uh let's let that one sit for a second that's the cutest question you've ever asked in my entire time. Where did you hear it? Who said that?

Because I was just at LAX, and I was getting my bags.

And I was like, what?

What's so funny?

Nothing.

Go ahead.

Oh, just so you came up with deep state at LAX.

Sounds like some sort of conspiracy happening.

Which is exactly.

I've heard it before, but I was sitting there trying to get my bags, and there was a guy

with a hat that has that's a

deep state on it no it has um a forest on it you know you know it's like a forest keep going okay i don't know where this is so far he's wearing a forest hat looks like a forest right he's wearing foresty kind of gear you mean he's wearing like outdoorsy gear yeah like they blend into the forest camo

camouflage

that's what I call it

it was an easier way

to get there

no no no

it's not camouflage because camouflage I equate to like you know. Military.
Military. This is more duck hunting.
It's like a deer hunting hat. Duck hunting.
Duck hunting hat. You know what? What? I'm on your same line.
I understand. Thank you so much.
That's why I call it a forest hat. Yeah, but it is still camouflage.
Go ahead. So a guy who clearly votes Democrat.
Well, that's where I call it a forest town yeah but it is still camouflaged go ahead so a guy a guy who clearly votes democrat well that's where I was I was like he's like um Bobby Lee right and I go yeah and he goes big fan I was like thank you he's a marine yeah right he just retired so he is military none of them twists and turns of this oh by the way just real quick Semper Fiper Fi. I understand why military gets to go on the plane before me because I'm first class.

But what have kids ever done?

Sorry?

Why do kids get to go on first?

Because you haven't done nothing.

Can I tell you why?

Why?

Nowadays, they survive shootings.

Because when they load up those little pieces of shit, when they load up those little assos on the plane plane yeah yeah get those fuckers settled in before I get on the fucking plane good point yeah I don't like when people are banging around their fucking kid through the aisle so he was telling me about you gotta be careful about your phone man I go why he goes they can read facial expressions and the government takes notes yeah it's called face ID I said yes to it right then he's like, you know what I mean? Everything's, you know, they know your movements, this and that, and you know what I mean? All this stuff. And he's like, it's the deep state.
And I go, how deep? Yeah. Because I don't know what it means.
Like, what state's so deep? It's about 40 or 50 feet. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, is it canyons? Or I don't know what the fuck it meant, right? Those guys think that the government likes just watching you like i don't even like watching me all day no imagine there's some guy sitting there watching me live my life well that's what's so funny like this is kind of the same uh but people think that they're so important that like they're jason born yeah like no one gives a fuck about you no but that's funny this is kind of the same argument when somebody's like, you know, with this fucking gun law, stuff is all back again with guns and stuff.

And whatever you feel about it, the funniest response I ever hear is when someone's like, you need your guns to protect yourself.

If somebody comes to your house, if like the government comes to your house, you know, and tries to take over, you'll have a fighting chance.

Do you really think

you could fuck with the military if they came to your

fucking knock down your door? No. Nah.

You're gone, buddy. Depends on what

level of jiu-jitsu you have.

Good luck. Good luck.

So you're saying the deep state is a government agency

that we're not privy to? No, no, no.

What is the deep state? Explain it to me. It's a

conspiratorial theory that there

is a...

Yeah. Nothing came up, but yeah.
Go ahead. This is Giannis' field.
Well, I mean, all you got to do is listen to any Tim Dillon episode and you'll get an explanation of it. Okay.
Or like a Joe Rogan. Yeah.
It's like a, what is it? Like a collaboration between, you know, corporations and, and the, the state at like a clandescent level. So you don't know about it.
So some things have been found to be true, right? Like the government was, you know, Facebook and the government were kind of giving our data. There was a collaboration going on.
It's stuff you already know. Snowden revealed that there was some deep state stuff going on things can be deep state basically what it is is like there's no branch of government that is uh this isn't like a official thing it's an unofficial theory that has been proven true in certain ways that the government is fucking working in conjunction with major corporations, major fucking...

But haven't they like I don't know. I don't know.
The iron car. Well, they were selling, you know, I mean, our weapons to to free the hostages.
You know, I mean, it's secretly. You know, I mean, that's real.
That was real. We were giving them weapons in exchange for hostages.
Right. But that was secret.
Right. So that it wasn't there until we found out about it and it became a big deal, right? That's some deep state shit, I guess.
It is some deep state shit. But usually deep state shit is more like, you know, it's a lot of conspiracy theory based.
Spy shit. Spy shit.
It's like, yeah,'re deep state you're you're you know you're secretly working for the government and you're trying to out uh andrew santino as uh oh here you go yeah look the united states department of justice was part of the deep state because they didn't uh prosecute huma abdin or james comey that's trump's theory trump's theory is that is that so i'm saying like it's a lot of theorized versions of what the deep state is protecting.

You know what I mean?

Yes.

Is there a deep state in Hollywood?

You think there's like a secret?

There's a cabal?

That's my favorite.

Is there a deep state in Hollywood?

Snus.

What is it?

Snus.

Can I have some?

Wacky tobacco.

Yeah, you want one?

What's a snus?

Will you put it in though?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

You can swallow.

You don't have to spit either.

But is it chewing tobacco? Yeah. Yeah, but you don't have to spit.
It's Swedish. Give me some.
Yeah. Swedish.
Yeah. And you don't have to spit.
You can swallow it. Okay.
Thanks, man. Put it right in there.
No, no, no. And then put it in.
Don't swallow it. I'm not gonna.
Okay. Bro, bro, look.
I have pouches. No, no, no.
But you have to spit the pouch. You don't have to spit any of that stuff I swallow these too baby you're not supposed to stomach cancer dog you gotta get them all like Pokemon get them all throat wait do you really swallow the chewing gum no man I spit well these are better you don't have to spit where do you get these at you have to find them you know certain stores have them certain don't but like the Swedish figured out a way to I don't know, pasteurize it so you don't have to spit.
Yeah, because you pass it through. That stuff will fucking, you swallow Copenhagen.
It gives me a stomachache. Yeah, yeah.
I'm putting another one in. Yeah, why not? Yeah.
Throw one in there, baby. I'm not going to let you snooze alone.
We jumped over it real fast, but let's get back real quickly. To what? Giannis does have a new special coming out.
Yeah, Mom Love. Mom Love.
Please watch it, you guys. It's on the tubes of the U's.
Please support my guy. What are we talking right now? How long has it been up? A week, right? It's been about six days, I believe.
Six days, Mom Love. Giannis, Papas.
Go watch the guy. How many views are we talking right now? Because we're going to fucking, we want to amp the viewership of this up.
I think we're at six figs. Dude, come on.
137, we're getting this way higher than that. Thank you.
All of our friends, please watch this show. Do you get money from that? No.
This is just... It costs a share.
That's my marketing line. It costs a share.
So if you watch it, just share it. Text it to your friends.
Right. Share it on your profiles.
Just get it out there. Just push it around, baby.
Yeah, just push it out there. Right it around.
I'm going to push it. Push it real good.
Giannis is one of one of the good ones, as they say. One of the good Greeks.
I literally, I swear to God, dude, if I was stranded in New York, there's not a lot of guys I could call to help me. I think you'd be one of them.
I wouldn't because I don't need you there.

I need you here.

He needs you here.

So I wouldn't pick up.

He wouldn't pick up.

I'm not going to hang out with you.

No.

No.

What?

He's got a family. If I was in trouble, you wouldn't help me?

Well, what do I get out of it?

No, but for real, you wouldn't?

No, of course I would.

Yeah, yeah.

Who would you really call first?

Who would be your first call in New York?

In New York?

Call me.

I'll help you.

I swear to God, I'm a good person.

Yeah. I'll tell you who I wouldn't call.
Yeah. Schultz.
Why? I don't think he would help me. Yes, he would.
He might. Yeah, he would.
He might. He might.
He might. He might make you podcast about it.
Yeah. You would definitely, I think.
I'll help you. Yeah.
Yeah. Who else? I got the time, too.
I'll be available. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Schultz would be busy.
Stefano, probably Probably not. He's not going to help you.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
He'll help. He's a good guy.
He's on Staten Island, though, now. That's over the bridge.
It depends on where you are. Yeah.
You're stuck in Manhattan. He's not coming.
Yeah. You know who would help me, but I don't want his help? Godfrey.
Yeah. Because you got to listen to a lot.'s a lot you should call up Norman

hey

I heard you're stuck Bobby

I'm on my way

don't move

you're gay

if he wasn't in Bangladesh

this motherfucker is around the world

every time I turn around

I'm like where are you right now

I'm in the Andes

nobody travels like he does on a whim

on a fucking whim that guy will disappear

and just travel the world

Thank you. around i'm like where are you right now he's like i'm i'm in the andes that dude nobody travels like he does on a whim yeah on a fucking whim that guy will disappear and just travel the world yeah he had a flip phone flip phone yeah yeah it's fucking that guy's bonkers are you excited about what top gun maverick big time yeah big time god Are you going to watch it, really? Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah. I wouldn't miss that for the fucking world.

Is his wingman in the movie, too?

What was his name?

No, he dies.

Oh, Goose is dead.

Yeah, Goose is dead.

97%.

Oh, that's amazing.

Yeah.

I saw a preview for the Bob's Burgers movie, and I thought, yeah.

How does Tom Cruise still look so good?

Baby blood.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's sure. He's drinking something.
You're that's sure that's Zinu Cabal Zinu the alien shit he's top dog over there at Scientology look at his face he's still got a nice face right there a good friend of mine was on and they did part of the flyover premiere where they had the jets and shit with the red white white, and blue. And he came in on a fucking helicopter, this fucking king.
He's the last movie star we got, buddy. He is, right? Yeah.
That's it. He's done.
Dude, this is it. It's not happening anymore.
Yeah. Yeah, he really...
And you know what was classy when the guy squirted with the... Do you ever see that? Huh? Where he's like...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's at the press, right, lying, right? And some guy squirts him with a squirt gun.
At first, he was gonna snap. You could tell that.
That would piss me off. He's wearing a tuxedo.
Yeah. He just grabs him and he goes, why did you do that, man? Yeah.
Huh? I was being nice and I came up to you and you squirted me a thing. Why'd you do that, man? That was wrong.
Yeah. But you know what happened? What? That guy's career ended abruptly.
The guy was never heard from ever again. Yeah.
You know how great that is? You don't fucking squirt the king. You don't squirt him in the fucking face.

You don't squirt him in the fucking face.

Yeah, look at that.

Look at that.

That's good.

Please watch Yon's special right now on YouTube.

Yeah.

We appreciate you, Yanni.

Why don't you take us out?

Why don't you tell the camera,

thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend, guys.

Just continue.

Don't answer anyone's calls who calls you.

Make them text.

And forget all your friends birthdays do you know what's crazy watching you wolf down in and out in front of everyone yeah it's just it's just it's a spectacle you're tough to watch eating yeah i'm terrible at you're bad at eating yeah you should see me eat pussy messy cut over here and get a bird's eye view yeah you're, I'm terrible at it. You're bad at eating.
Yeah, you should see me eat pussy. Messy.
Cut over here and make it a bird's eye view. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hit me hard. You're stupid.
I'm a stupid man. I'm a stupid person.
Yeah, you're not a smart guy. Okay.
Yeah, you don't know what's going on. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
All right. All right.
Okay. Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Woo-hoo!