Spider Person & The Marvel DC Crossover

Speaker 1 You guys, you guys, Bad Friends is finally gonna do the best live stream. The best live stream that has ever been done.
You think that Trash Tuesday had a good one?

Speaker 1 You think that fucking Bert Chrysler had a good one? You thought that

Speaker 1 Segura and the House House stink. They stink, man.
We're doing

Speaker 1 this show. Right? When is it, Bobby? When is it? It's gonna be Tuesday, June 28th at 6 p.m.
PST. Tuesday, June 28th, 6 p.m.
Pacific Cesus Time.

Speaker 1 Get your tickets at momenthouse.com slash bad friends. There is an early bird special for the first 48 hours, so get your tickets right now at momenthouse.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 We have so many surprises. We can't say what they are, but we have a bunch of stuff planned, and someone's going to be on the show that you've never seen before.

Speaker 1 Get your tickets right now, early bird special, momenthouse.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 What up, bad friends? I'm at this shithole, Hawaii,

Speaker 1 but I'll be in New Jersey this weekend and Niagara Falls. AndrewSantino.com, AndrewSantino.com.
Be a bad friend. Come see your boy Jersey, Niagara, New York.
Let's go. You two are bad friends.

Speaker 1 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 You two or something. We're bad friends.
Rudy Jules. Hi, Deturn.
What's it like to eat with this guy? What does it feel like to watch him eat food? All you hear is like a pig.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's something to eat. Oh, yeah?

Speaker 1 You had food on your face when I came in. It was like in your mustache.
Never leaving. You know, Yannis, it's so funny that

Speaker 1 I felt like I bent over backwards for you for this.

Speaker 1 And then you attacked me. I know.
I attacked you.

Speaker 1 By bending over backwards, you mean having me come here at midnight.

Speaker 1 I really appreciate the accommodation. You're like, you're available at 11, 11.30, 11.45.
How about 3 in the morning? You know what this coward did?

Speaker 1 He called me and literally go, or I called him because Fancy was like, Andrew, he can't do the podcast at the time, but he's going to be at midnight.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh my God, are we going to have to reschedule this thing? And this guy, literally, I call him and I go, what's the deal? And he goes,

Speaker 1 guess I still do it at midnight.

Speaker 1 And then he goes,

Speaker 1 will you call Giannis? I go, you call him Daddy.

Speaker 1 You're the one changing the title. You call him.
Okay, but

Speaker 1 Carlos, Carlos and Andreas,

Speaker 1 remember what we talked about the LAX? Yeah, this is the guy. That's the guy at LAX.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, did he kill himself? No, he was

Speaker 1 asleep. He would jump, and that was right when we were landing.
Oh. And it shut down.
That's you. Yeah.
Wait, did he jump? No, he didn't jump. He was just asleep.
Either do it or don't do it.

Speaker 1 Come on, dude. I like that.
That's emo. You shouldn't have to.
He's emoing it out. He wants the attention.
Help, help.

Speaker 1 He's listening to dashboard confessional.

Speaker 1 You shouldn't have to donate like police resources to that. Just like, go, all right, do it or not.
Yeah. You haven't done anything.
It's like when Chris Hansen comes over, it's like, you arrest me.

Speaker 1 I haven't done anything.

Speaker 1 What's all the fucking.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you this about Chris Hansen. How much do you like pizza with young people?

Speaker 1 The way he broaches the questions are always so funny.

Speaker 1 And he catches, it's like, why? I've seen a few where the guys don't even lie. Yeah.
Where he's like, you got me. You know why I am here.
And he's like, I sure do. You guys got me.

Speaker 1 But is there a chance that one guy is just, it's just

Speaker 1 like,

Speaker 1 no, he really wanted to be their friend. He was like, you know, no, I saw her online and she was lost and I just wanted to be her friend.
That's why I came over. There guys got to be one guy.

Speaker 1 They always try that and then he pulls out the transcript. Yeah.
And they see their face change. Text messages are insane.
They're like, oh, I didn't know you had that.

Speaker 1 Because it says here, I want to fuck your kitty cat, young pussy. Is that you?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you? Yeah. Are you Hulk Dude27? Yeah, that's me.

Speaker 1 Do you ever see that?

Speaker 1 There was an old synagogue Orthodox Jewish man. Careful.
Yeah. Why? I can't say that.
Oh, boy, you're stepping on something.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 And he sees the camera comes out, and you could see his whole life flash before his eyes.

Speaker 1 No, please don't, please, please don't, please don't because,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? I have a business and I, you know what I mean? People at church, please, you know what I mean? It was so you watch some, you watch them crumble.

Speaker 1 It's fun to watch people crumble

Speaker 1 on television. It was a show called To Catch a Predator.
To Catch a Predator. Yeah.
And they would set up these sting operations where they would get

Speaker 1 fine pedos. And this is the guy.
He's like, hi, I'm Chris Hansen. And he kind of talked very slowly.
You know what's so funny? I never understood the title to Catch a Predator.

Speaker 1 Just what about Catching Predator? Catching a Predator. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it was so formal. It's like an answer in Jeopardy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a bunch of these shows now that are on YouTube that are like imitation shows.

Speaker 1 The group, the guy, the renegade group. Yeah, there's a bunch of wild.

Speaker 1 Tell me, tell the time. There's like a group of renegade guys that do this.

Speaker 1 Well, there's a nonprofit that they run that does this independently without the help of the police.

Speaker 1 And then what they do is then they compile all this information, they bust them locally somewhere, and then they try to get the police to go there. I don't know what the name would be of this.

Speaker 1 There's a few of them.

Speaker 1 One of them, my old producer, when I first started doing Long Days, he was a cameraman for it. And it's this guy in Jersey, and he catches these guys, and none of them speak English.

Speaker 1 They're like Mexican guys that live in Jersey. Whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 Avalde, Texas. Come on.
Avalde. Yeah, I'm sorry.
My God.

Speaker 1 Easy, dude. And he makes them call their wives and tell them.
Oh, that's good. That's fun to watch.
That's wild.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you know what? They're in Spanish, so you don't know what they're saying.

Speaker 1 I'm going to the store. I'll be home in 15 minutes.
I have a question. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's terrible to do. To fuck it, yeah.
Yeah, it's fucking terrible, right?

Speaker 1 Can I just say that out loud? Yeah, what's that? It's fucking terrible, right? Yeah. But it's like, you know.
But it's like.

Speaker 1 Is there a butt?

Speaker 1 There should be no but after that statement. I know.
There's no qualifiers. I know, but.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say, if I had a daughter, right, I don't think that she would be. coerced into a situation like that.
She'd be smart. Well, that's our time.
Thank you guys so much for coming out.

Speaker 1 I like how

Speaker 1 you think you're the pinnacle of well-to-do knowledge, street knowledge, that it would transfer to your youth and they would never put themselves in a harmful situation.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, bro, and that's offensive what you're just saying. Yeah, you're saying to me is you're an idiot.
No, that's very offensive what you're saying. It's a fact.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what the offense is. Go on.
The offense is that you think that I'm going to bring any of my garbage into parenting? Yes. No, I'm I'm changing my shit, bro.
Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm waking up at 8. Fuck, I'm getting the formula AD.
There's one reason you're waking up at 8 that you got to feed them?

Speaker 1 I think if you had a baby, your baby would think like breakfast was at 4 p.m.

Speaker 1 Her friends would be like, I'm having breakfast. You're like, what? You're eating at night?

Speaker 1 It's my daddy's nighttime. Yeah.
Yeah. We'd play, you know what? Instead of playing Stardew Valley, we'd do a co-op farm.
That's cute. That's cute, right?

Speaker 1 Do a little Sim City together, build a little bit of a little bit of a little bit co-op farm, right?

Speaker 1 But I'm not going to bring any of my garbage into the fucking parenting Ironically, we have a child of yours here in the studio right now.

Speaker 1 What's it like? What's it like being raised by Bobby?

Speaker 1 I met him four times. That's another thing is you'd have to be present to raise the kid.
You're on the road all the time. Yeah, we don't really talk.
I don't talk to T2 Bobby.

Speaker 1 Like, in the house, he just goes to the bottom. It's so fucked up.
Cut her off. Bullshit.

Speaker 1 He just goes down to the bottom of the feet and plays. You like Todd Badge.

Speaker 1 We don't. The bed, Temper Pedic.
Who bought it? Papa. All right?

Speaker 1 You have an what? You should call it Apa? Papa. Oh, Papa.
Yeah, Appa's dad, too.

Speaker 1 Korean for daddy.

Speaker 1 Be honest with me. Not daddy.
Who's the one that doesn't talk? You.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you're.

Speaker 1 She's like, you don't talk about the dad. So you're the one.
So what you're saying to me, okay, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm glad you said that. Because tomorrow, we're going to have a talk fest.
Talk fest? Yeah, you and I are going to sit across from the kitchen table, and we're going to do a four-hour session.

Speaker 1 Boy, are you going to regret that whole fucking thing? You just do that. All right.
You're not going to do that.

Speaker 1 Oh, I am going to do that. Okay.
Oh, really? You know what? Your attitude is fucking.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Side note: a couple of great things I want to talk to you about. Cried in the movie theater.
Not kidding. For a full 10 minutes.
With what movie?

Speaker 1 Because it's the greatest film that should win multiple Oscars, and it's in theaters right now.

Speaker 1 Doctor Strange. Everything.

Speaker 1 Everywhere. All at once.
All at once. I heard it's great.
Is unequivocal. Have you seen My Dog? I'm not kidding when I say this.
It's the greatest movie I've seen in years. Creative, beautiful.

Speaker 1 It's a fucking spectacle. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You didn't tell me it was

Speaker 1 an Asian movie. Can I tell you? Because Michelle Yao is...
She happens to be Asian.

Speaker 1 Jamie Lee Curtis is in it. Oh, okay, then I'll watch.
No, no, no, but they're mixed things. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 It's mostly Asians.

Speaker 1 Is it in Asian language? No, no. Hey, fuckface.
Michelle Yao speaks English. Okay.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. But yeah, the first half is in Chinese.
So you got to read subtitles? You got to read subtitles. All right.
And it's in Chinese in the first, and all the subtitles say like,

Speaker 1 obey China, obey China, like over and over and over. It's crazy.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 But what I do want to say about this movie genuinely from the bottom of my heart. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She is so fucking talented to a level that is...

Speaker 1 It will break your soul.

Speaker 1 My parents, our parents are in a different generation. I was trying to explain this because, look, what you're seeing there is in another dimension.

Speaker 1 There's a a lot of metaphysical transformation in this that deals with the real world and also this dimension, interdimensional world of like who you are in other lifetimes.

Speaker 1 But it's representing the problems that they're dealing with in our current life and the

Speaker 1 whimsy again in films. You're like, this is what weirdo movies used to be like, where they did crazy shit and you were like, oh, sounds like some art house shit to me.

Speaker 1 I want to see some fucking explosions. You're going to want to see this Hansen.

Speaker 1 You and I have

Speaker 1 Schwarzenegger in it. You guys are definitely both predators, that's for sure.

Speaker 1 I am Chris Hansen. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can I talk to you about that? I stole it from the multiverse thing that Marvel was doing.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you that.

Speaker 1 I'm out here trying to support Asians. Spartan AAAPI.

Speaker 1 Isn't it Asian month? Isn't this his AAPI month? Or it's AP ⁇ ? Or it's C ⁇ ?

Speaker 1 Whichever math thing they do. No, it is.
Asian American Pacific Islander, May 1st to May 31st. It is the fucking month of your people.
And here you are fucking me off on an all-Asian casted film.

Speaker 1 Fuck you, you fucking shit Korean. You're a shit Korean.
Self-hating Korean. You really are.
Piece of shit. I really want to watch that.
You should, because you know what? Let me say to my camera.

Speaker 1 I love Asians. They are, I have, my heart grows thicker as I've done this podcast with all my Asian people.
And Bobby has diverted away from becoming whole with the community.

Speaker 1 So accept me, remove him. He's not an Uncle Tom.
He's an Uncle Pentang.

Speaker 1 It's Uncle Tang. Uncle Tang.
You're an Uncle Tang, and you know it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Listen here, Uncle Walt. That's just like Asian Appreciation Month, whatever, for nobody to know about it because Asians are very demure.
They don't make a lot of.

Speaker 1 But Stop Asian Hate was, they were loud about that one. Who did that? Was that the whites? That was the whites that did that.
Yeah, the whites. If the Asians did it, it would have been a lot.

Speaker 1 Could you think we could do a Stop White Hate? Yeah, let's start it now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just. My question was: Stop Asian Hate.
Why didn't they just use their karate?

Speaker 1 You know what they did? As you take that off and have the most Asian hair behind you.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It looks like you're wearing karate slippers with that hair.

Speaker 1 It was funny how Black Lives Matter was a big campaign that was moving heavily. Yeah.
And out of nowhere, Snap Asian hate Jesus. What about me?

Speaker 1 Snuck in like a ninja in the middle of the night.

Speaker 1 Get out of here, BLM. Yeah.
But you know what? We want everyone to be treated equally, including Rudies, including people from the islands.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you to be honest, you know, growing growing up, did you hook up with Asian girls?

Speaker 1 It's a big no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I paused.

Speaker 1 I have hooked up with a few, yes. Full or half?

Speaker 1 A couple of full. What kind?

Speaker 1 Short.

Speaker 1 What kind of Asian? Yeah, yeah. What kind of Asian? Oh, I didn't.
I didn't. You don't get that far.
I didn't get that far. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Do you remember a last name?

Speaker 1 We can blank it because we can figure out with the last name or the first name because he's. Yeah, I'm pretty good at it.
He's pretty good. It was either a Chan or a Chow or.
Yeah, Chinese. Chinese.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's full of Chinese.

Speaker 1 And why did it work out?

Speaker 1 You know, different cultures, you know? Yeah. You know why.
Why don't you say it?

Speaker 1 We were in different tracks. That sideways vagina fucks you up every time.
Yeah, that does. And we were in different tracks in school.
I had to go to the slow club, and she went to the special.

Speaker 1 I was in the special.

Speaker 1 I was in the low track. And she was in the all-Asian track.
Right.

Speaker 1 Were you held back in school for real? I was stupid. I wasn't Asian, which, by the way, I went to my brother-in-law's graduation.
He's going to be a doctor.

Speaker 1 There is no diversity in those smart schools.

Speaker 1 I remember the non-Asian names.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, Sharifa and Kelly Constantino.

Speaker 1 Everything else.

Speaker 1 Everything else was just

Speaker 1 one name after another. You know, Kelly Tang, Chow.

Speaker 1 It was just like Asians are crushing it, dude. Whatever the parents are doing at home, making you sleep outside.
They're physically abusing them. Yeah.
They're bullying them into doing well.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, they'll punish them for the rest of their lives relationship-wise. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That movie kind of has a lot of that that in that. It has like a Chinese immigrant family who is disappointed in their daughter and they don't even live up to their own expectations.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and all we have is like fucking Gary Vee going like, grind. We're like, that doesn't work.

Speaker 1 I need to be hit and be told to stay outside, and my parents need to have come here with three cents in their pocket. And that guy's the reason I'll work.

Speaker 1 That guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's enough of that guy. And you know what's great about that movie, too? Dude, you got to fucking, you know what you have to fucking do? Sell your shoes.
Sell your fucking shoes off your feet.

Speaker 1 And fucking, then you're, then you start a business.

Speaker 1 that guy is so fucking annoying i can't get rid of this guy i mean god bless the work he's trying to do i get it but he's just uh what's going on you need to take your pants off

Speaker 1 of the mic yeah it's your mic i don't give a

Speaker 1 kill zomet i wonder why the show is taking a dive and then

Speaker 1 i'm reminded by a wet fart into the microphone at midnight but you know what's great about the movie too is that um it's a return of um Data or Short Round from Indiana Jones. He's in the movie.

Speaker 1 Correct. You know who else is in there? Who?

Speaker 1 The older guy, James Hong. James Hong? James Hong.
James Hong? Wait, yeah, James Hong. Got it right.
He is so good. This Stephanie Sue, though, the young girl that plays the daughter, so dope.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to watch it. Everyone's telling you to watch it.
It's so good, dude. Honestly.
My whole thing was because 824 doesn't miss. They fucking care.
They don't fucking miss.

Speaker 1 And you're on an A24 show, too. I am on an A24 show.
I'm not on it. I'm a guest star on a fucking 824.
He's on it? Oh. Yeah, he's on it.

Speaker 1 Now I know why you like this movie so much.

Speaker 1 I'm surrounded by Asians, dude. Cross-pro.

Speaker 1 A couple of months with Ali Wong, and you just can't, you know what I mean? You just, you really get sucked into the people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're good people.

Speaker 1 I mean, also, by the way,

Speaker 1 let's say our peace, God bless, one of the greats of all time, passed away this morning. Oh,

Speaker 1 my God. What the fuck, man? Do you know he died in his schlept? So would you want to die in your sleep? I think about that.

Speaker 1 I was talking to my buddy Scott today, and we were together and we were chatting about it, and he was like, He had died in his sleep, and he goes, I guess it's a pretty good way.

Speaker 1 I don't, I want to be awake when I die. You do? Why? Because I want to know it's real.
Because otherwise, if you die in your sleep, what is that? Who knows if you ever know?

Speaker 1 That's the best way. That's the best way not knowing.
I don't have the horror of knowing I'm dying. You're gonna die.
I'd rather see it happen and go, I'm dying. I want to know.

Speaker 1 Oh, I thought you meant you'd rather see him dying so you could. You know, I'm going to watch this guy die.

Speaker 1 They're going to call me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's going to call. Tito Tito, Andrew, Bobby is not doing so well.

Speaker 1 And then you know, I'm fucking, I'm full speed in my car. I want to see it.
I want to see you.

Speaker 1 Valet, the car, get up there. Bobby's like, Andrew,

Speaker 1 you're the only person that came to see me.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I know, baby boy. And I rub your little Korean head, and I rub you as you slowly pass away.
And no one's there. It's just me and you in the room.

Speaker 1 And the moment that you pass away, what do I do? Start filming and and put it on your body. Start filming it.
You got to moderate it. You monetize it.

Speaker 1 The moment you die, I do what you did to your dad. I take a selfie with your dead body.

Speaker 1 Be huge, dude. You know that this guy took a selfie with his dad the moment after he died.
That's not what that wasn't my fault, though. My mom goes, Selpie.
You took the picture.

Speaker 1 I know, but she was like, Selpy now. Yeah, but you could have gone, no.
It's my mom. She's in grief.
You were amped.

Speaker 1 I did smile. You saw it.

Speaker 1 I did smile. In the photo, he's hyped in like, hey,

Speaker 1 we did it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So moment, I think, Giannis, you're right.
Because if you go to sleep and then you're just dead,

Speaker 1 the trauma of knowing you're going to die is not there. Yes.
I just think I want to know it's going to, what do you, what do you want, Rudy? Do you want to see yourself?

Speaker 1 Because I want to know, this is it, this is the end. And I kind of would feel a peace like, okay, this is it.
But in your sleep, how do you know? You could be skipping lives.

Speaker 1 Why do you want to know, though?

Speaker 1 Because it's happening anyway, which undeniable. Yeah, but what do you want to like? You want to get your affairs in order in that moment? Like, what's it?

Speaker 1 No, I just want to like, I want to see, you know, I want to know what the last piece of time is for me on the earth i want to see it instead of being in a dream state i also sleep poorly orgasm i want to die when i'm having an orgasm not in my sleep okay right i'm looking at the girl's eyes girl's eyes kalila a girl's eyes my girl's eyes a girl's eyes the one that i'm seeing

Speaker 1 is what i meant to say you could i mean who knows what okay who knows right any girl's eyes are you looking up porno what are you doing over there yeah but i'm deep in fatal that's what you want, but you're not taking into account what she wants.

Speaker 1 She doesn't want a corpse on top of her. But that's what I want.

Speaker 1 So she's going to just like. I want to leave a mark.
You know what I mean? She needs to go to therapy. Right.
Right? It's going to scar her. It will.
I'll leave a little mark. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 1 She already has a corpse when he's on top of her. That's like it's he's he fishes all around.
He flop fishes all around anyway. Bobby, are you alive? Yeah.
I'm still here.

Speaker 1 You can dive be over. I don't fuck good.
I know you don't fucking die. I don't fuck up.
And neither do I, dude. I don't think.
Do you?

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't I think it's fine. I'm not good.
Well, I'm certain. I'm certainly not like skilled.
I started watching this guy, Owen Gray, who like women love. It's like, yeah, let's see that.

Speaker 1 All women, all straight women used to watch lesbian porn because it was softer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Until Owen Gray came into the picture and changed the fucking game, and he makes them come over and over and over again. And I started watching this guy.
I'm like, oh, my God, dude, we are all.

Speaker 1 We are all underperforming. I got to tell you something.
By the way, he's got a lot of fun. I've seen this guy swimming good.
The tatted up up guys. Skinny tatted up guys.

Speaker 1 Yes. He's amazing.
He's got a scar on his chest and he fucking he holds like a massage thing on their clit and he bangs them and he is he a porn star? Yeah he's like a woman.

Speaker 1 He's like he's more than a porn star. He's like a female hero.
Rudy, go ahead. You're nodding.
Go ahead and speak up. How do you, you saw his movies? Of course she has.
Yeah, his movies.

Speaker 1 You saw this penis going a vagina. Yeah.
That's what a porno is, bud. I know, but why are you watching porn like that?

Speaker 1 She's a grown-up. What the fuck are you talking about? I know, but she.
You're right. I thought she was his daughter, though.
She kind of is my daughter, though.

Speaker 1 It's your niece, it's his niece by proxy, but she's 20 years old. You'll be 21.
Yeah, 22, 21.

Speaker 1 November, yeah, she's a fucking grown-up. We, she's our like our daughter, yeah, but also, you know, she's watching all this bullshit.
What are you gonna?

Speaker 1 I mean, that's like whenever you think, what were you doing when you were way younger than her? You were a fucking piece of shit. Yeah, you were a piece of shit.
I was a pile of shit. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 So let her fucking watch Owen Gray do his dance. Yeah.
You liked it, huh? Yeah. Yeah.
Is his penis long? Yeah. No, he's the only porn star with a really short penis.

Speaker 1 His penis is long.

Speaker 1 Yes. Is it girthy? Yeah, it's magical.

Speaker 1 It's got a Gandalf vibe. It's got a wizardry.
Now, this is interesting because he's a white and you don't like whites. I think him and Harry Styles don't.
Two whites. That's all we get.
They train.

Speaker 1 So if he wanted to make love to you, you wouldn't let him? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we got two whites on the board. We should have a board back here that says whites that could bone Rudy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because honestly, that's only the two whites you've ever named that you're all favorite. He's he does like it's like a social service for women when you watch it.

Speaker 1 It's like all he's just taking care of them. It kind of scares me.
Yeah, they're just mobile. They're so good.
They're vibrating. They're like, they're going nuts.
He's like just making them come.

Speaker 1 And I'm just watching it going, like, I don't do any of that. I don't even watch and masturbate.
I just watch and take notes. I just learn a little bit.
You've never made a woman come?

Speaker 1 I have, but it's like... By accident.
I've done it by accident. I've done it like a few times.
I can count.

Speaker 1 I can remember them.

Speaker 1 Are you guys both being serious? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't try. That's not.
I've tried. You do it.
You do it all the time? Every time. What are you? Gay?

Speaker 1 Like, the girls always roll their eyes. But that's because they're like,

Speaker 1 yeah, no, they're.

Speaker 1 Are you done? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they maybe ask, like, uh, I did it. Okay, let's.

Speaker 1 Not every time if you're like, like, you're just like hooking up with someone when you're single, but with like the person that you're married to or with, oh, yeah, dude, you got to make them come.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah, if you're the thing,

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Speaker 1 BetterHelp. I love BetterHelp.
I use BetterHelp.

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And BetterHelp is online therapy, and they want you to prioritize yourself.

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Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a genuine really. You and I are similar in many ways.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Really? Every time.

Speaker 1 Okay, look, almost every time. It has to be a priority for sure.
Okay, let's say you're, you're, you have, you're the teach us. So we're in a class.
We signed up. We're in New York.

Speaker 1 We're two guys that can't make girls come.

Speaker 1 You're Andrew Salvador Santino. Salvador Sadin.
All right, and we take your class. Yeah.
Hi, I'm Bob, and this is okay. Asian guy, okay, Greek guy.
I'll be cheating off of him.

Speaker 1 Okay, yes. So, what's what give us some notes? Do you have any black friends? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Guy friends? Yeah, yeah. Call them over to fuck your girl.
Crash dismiss.

Speaker 1 Wow, wow. You cuck your way.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're gonna have to cuck your way because you're not gonna will, you're not willing to put in the effort. That's so fucking first of all.
Let me say something.

Speaker 1 The only thing you're putting effort into was how the way you ate that double double before we started the show. You fucking murdered that animal style.

Speaker 1 If you ate pussy the way you ate in-and out burgers, you'd make fucking, you'd make her come. Listen,

Speaker 1 you little Asian rat with a...

Speaker 1 Okay, I did all this for comedy's sake, right? This whole show is for comedy sake. I know.
My point is, is that I've made many of the Dale Men's cums. Okay.
Sure. I have.
Sure. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Sure. I can do this.
I cook. Do this.
Cook? What are you doing, Dude?

Speaker 1 Playing with her. Come here.
Come here, Will. You're like looking at a wet hooker.

Speaker 1 Does this work? Lily, plug your ears, right? Get over here. Get over here, ready.
Yes, to her.

Speaker 1 Right? So I stick it in, right?

Speaker 1 I hook. Yeah.
Right? Hook and pull.

Speaker 1 You hook and pull, right? Flood city. And then the clit, right? I've done all that.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.
And they've gone all wild. Yeah.
Okay. They get all hog wild? They have.

Speaker 1 And the mustache is like a clit tickler. That helps.
Thank you so much. That's why you even have it, my friend.
Yeah. Yeah.
I've done other things as well. What are the moves that you do?

Speaker 1 I try to do the hook and pull. Hook and pull.
I do the hook and pull. The hook and pull.
Yeah. You know, try to get him to square.
And then until they go, why are you doing that?

Speaker 1 What are you, why are you furiously doing that? And I go, I started a movie. And they go, that's not, it's too hard.
It doesn't work.

Speaker 1 Stop it. And then I stop.
And then I stop it. You just got to.
No, you have to stop. I got to hit him a few times with an elbow.
Bam. Boom.
Right.

Speaker 1 Boom. Right in the neck.

Speaker 1 You got to hit him. Get him in the neck.

Speaker 1 That's how you get him good. And then they

Speaker 1 everywhere, you know?

Speaker 1 You got to hit him. You got to hit him in the neck.
You got to forearm him, boom, right in the neck.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then they have to put a warning on that part.

Speaker 1 Do not do that.

Speaker 1 There's some kid watching now going, that's what I got to do. I knew it.
I knew. Do you guys do this? And I'm embarrassed.

Speaker 1 But do you ever go, like, when you're doing it and you're about to come? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you don't want to. So I always go,

Speaker 1 I got to stop. I got to stop right now for a second.
Hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, yeah, yeah.
And I'll pull out and I'll just kind of lay on the side of the bed and regroup.

Speaker 1 Have you done that? Because I've done it. Yeah.
I did it when I was younger. Now I'm like trying to come.
You got to get out of there. Yeah.
We got something to go on.

Speaker 1 This guy's got appointments and he's got stuff going on. And also, like, I've just chafed down the nerves of my dick so much with masturbation that like it's like I need more, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that.
I need my wife to do that.

Speaker 1 I got this.

Speaker 1 That's a good sign, hold on. That's a good sign.
Yeah. That means that you're still enjoying it.
And it's so much so that you're ready to go so fast.

Speaker 1 Remember the first time you did it you would you go i came like this

Speaker 1 it was just like right when you ended i calm

Speaker 1 i lied yeah yeah i lied oh you wouldn't i lied and pretended and she was like did you already i was like no

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah i lied that happened to me and that's uh my girlfriend in high school got pregnant and we had the baby

Speaker 1 no you didn't No, we didn't.

Speaker 1 I just didn't know what I was supposed to say there because I mean, we did get, we got

Speaker 1 it from Schmarkman. We got it.

Speaker 1 yeah we got it from Schmorffran well you're pro-life did you pay for it pro-choice oh my dad paid for it your dad got involved I had to like take him to BBQs and tell him some weird combo I was like dad I gotta go pregnant and he gave me 700 bucks but did he yell at me what's BBQs BBQs is that like uh you don't have BBQs out here I've never heard of that in my life it's a

Speaker 1 barbecue restaurant like a chain

Speaker 1 no we know no we don't know BBQ that is frequented by a lot of people who are not white when you said BBQ when you said I talked to my dad and I had to tell him about the abortion at BBQs I thought that was was an abortion clinic i was like

Speaker 1 bbqs is a weird come on in bbq come on and skewer that baby right out of you

Speaker 1 we'll roast up that little baby right out of you

Speaker 1 roast him toast him spit fire and ghost him yeah yeah welcome to bbq's abortion clinic i'm big mac

Speaker 1 no but you know what

Speaker 1 you did what you guys had to do i mean yeah i mean we were young it was uh you know i think it was only a couple minutes that she knew she was pregnant I'm just trying to make everyone happy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's a very hot-button issue right now.

Speaker 1 I'm not even sure if it happened. It might have been a dream.
Yeah, it might have been a fever dream. It might have been a fever dream.
I'm not even sure if it happened. No, you know.

Speaker 1 Was he concerned your dad? Was he like, son, I told you the rules and I'm pulling up. Did he do the whole like? No, I think he just continued watching the game and just handed it.

Speaker 1 I think I remember him just going at his wallet and going like that. He's like, how much is it? Get the fuck out of here.
He was like happy that it works.

Speaker 1 He was just happy I was having sex with girls. Oh, Oh, right, right.
Did he think otherwise? Well, I had my oldest brother's gay, so I think he was hoping for one. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 one to carry this. Is your older brother married? No, he's fucking having a blast.
He's just

Speaker 1 did he come out early in life? No, no, but your dad kind of already knew he was everyone knew. It just did, we didn't talk about it.
That's how it worked when you had like older parents.

Speaker 1 It just wasn't. Well, you have immigrant parents too, so it's even harder, right? Yeah, that's a different.
That's just uh but did you pull your brother? So I know I know your secret.

Speaker 1 Well, it wasn't a secret.

Speaker 1 I know that you. I could just tell by the way he dressed.
Oh, I guess.

Speaker 1 He was dressed well.

Speaker 1 So, but honestly, was there a moment that he said to you, Giannis, I want to talk to you about something? Yeah, like I went in his room and he was like, the two guys were blowing each other.

Speaker 1 I was like,

Speaker 1 I get it now.

Speaker 1 It's a moment.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you really catch? Did you really catch that? No, no, no, we didn't.
But a piece of me thinks you did. Yeah, yeah.
But no, we didn't.

Speaker 1 Is that the brother that's famous?

Speaker 1 Don't you have a political brother or like yeah but he's not famous to me i've seen on tv i think no no no how do i know your brother because of him you know him well no no no no no no right now i'm curious about how you know my brother no no no how do you know my brother honestly no i know your brother from some politics from grinder it sounds like no no what does your brother do

Speaker 1 what does your brother do other guys i don't know what i'm saying does other guys exactly so you don't have a brother that is semi-famous in politics no i wouldn't call him semi-famous no i what does he do he's in he was in politics.

Speaker 1 He worked in the campaign. Yeah, that's how I know the Obama and Clinton administration.
That's how I know him. Yeah, that's how I know him.
What do you mean that's how you know him? Like,

Speaker 1 did you work on the campaign? I signed this dick on. Yeah, I'm not Reiner.

Speaker 1 Either you signed his dick or you worked on the campaign. That's the only way you didn't know him.
No, there was, I swear to God, I saw a documentary or something with him in it, or I don't know.

Speaker 1 He was definitely not in a documentary. Are you sure? Not 100% sure.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 just let him have this one. I'll let him have it.
Yeah, he was in a documentary. Yeah, there it is.
He was in that documentary.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. Because I do that.
It was the last dance. I do that to him all the time.
Yeah. At some point, he'll think it's something as real.
It's not real.

Speaker 1 I was really, I should have just been going with it. Well, at some point,

Speaker 1 I go, yes, Bobby. Yeah, he was.
Yannis, Yannis, I swear to God,

Speaker 1 for some reason or another, I knew who your brother was, and I knew that he was involved in politics, and I know what he looks like. So how was that possible? Because you Googled me, maybe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you might have looked at my Wikipedia.

Speaker 1 Yeah, before I came over, you're like, who is this fucking guy again?

Speaker 1 That's what I did. That's what it was, yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you ever gone out partying with your brother

Speaker 1 at a gay nightclub? No, but recently I did go to his birthday and it was like all his gay friends were there and they party different, man. Yeah.
They party hard.

Speaker 1 So you open the door, they're naked, they're doing poppers. Yeah.
And it's just a different vibe. They're so see, gay guys still do drugs.
We don't do drugs anymore.

Speaker 1 They're just like, oh, they're having a great time. Yes.
Yeah, because there's no kids. There's no fucking, everyone's got a job.
Yeah. You know what I mean? I mean, if we, us three were gay.
If, huh?

Speaker 1 Yeah, if we were gay. I could do it.
I know. We would have so much fun.
So much fun. I mean, we'd be like.

Speaker 1 Some would argue it's what we're doing right now. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 like we could do the pod. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 but before and after, and it would be like not an emotional thing. Is that your gay voice? No.
No, he's just,

Speaker 1 he's letting it take over. He's just talking.
He's just letting it happen. Yeah, but it was like, it wouldn't be an emotional thing.
We'd just fuck. Yeah.
Here's my gay voice. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey, we'll sir.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey. Oh, hey, Bob.

Speaker 1 I'd be real low and smooth. Oh, I see.
Hey, Bob. What would mine be? Real femme.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 Like that? No, you'd be like a little, like a little Japanese girl. Oh, hey.
How are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I'd like you like that.

Speaker 1 I suck, man.

Speaker 1 I suck. Oh, man.
Hey, keep talking.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, keep talking.

Speaker 1 Let's do trains. Hold on, hold on.
Yeah, let me call my buddies.

Speaker 1 You know that new movie Brad Pitt doing in the train? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, um, Rudy, do you like Tito like that? You know, why not go all the way? I would just be like, oh, really?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, get it.

Speaker 1 You'd just be like hungry for cock all the time. Yeah.
Be like a mixture of like Harvey Weinstein, Tim Dahlia.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But we would talk like this amongst ourselves, but in the business place, we'd tone it down, right? For sure.
I cannot do this in the business place. Yeah, you can.
I can. That's hot.

Speaker 1 We could sell so many shows like that. Yeah.
Let's go to call CBS, right?

Speaker 1 That'd be working at a coffee trumpet. Yeah, you would.
When's someone going to make a show about three guys who choose to be gay?

Speaker 1 I think in order to pitch a show, there was like a just go we're gay and we just become gay. You can become gay, right? You don't have to be born gay.

Speaker 1 Now that they've like sufficiently proven that you're born gay, does that mean you can't choose it? You can still choose it. Sure, of course you can.
Like you can just go, hey, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'm fucking going to be, I'm going to be, I'm going to start fucking guys and be gay. That's an interesting perspective because you can choose anything you want.

Speaker 1 They've proven that it's sign, that it's, that, that you are born gay. But then at some point, if you're like, sick of this pussy.
Yeah. I'm sick of this.
Or not even if you're not.

Speaker 1 You're just like, you know what? I want to try something. I want to do it.
I want to be a gay guy. Yeah.
It's like that white girl from Washington who was the leader of the NAAC people.

Speaker 1 She was saying Rachel Dolan. Exactly.
Yeah. And now, but she's really white.
Yeah, but she still insists that she's black. But she looks like she feels black.
She feels black.

Speaker 1 But the black community kind of is okay with her.

Speaker 1 They kind of, that looks like my sister on the left. That's like anybody I show up with.
But then she was like, I'm black. If you know what the case was.

Speaker 1 You know, if you say you're black enough, you do kind of start to look black. She really pulled it off for a while.
But, you know, I think a lot of it was the way she was built.

Speaker 1 She had like such a big ass that, like, I think a lot of the black guys didn't even notice she was white. Sort of like being intimidated by the Yankee pinstripes.
Yeah, they just can't see. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, you know what's so funny? You know what's so funny, though? Look at how white she started out. Yeah.
Like in the first photo right there. Do you know the first photo, the first one that we saw?

Speaker 1 It's down at the second row in the middle but like that's like me that's like my skin tone yeah to get to where she is now is arduous i mean that's so much tanning yeah

Speaker 1 what she should have done if you start out and you've got some real flavor in your skin like rudy rudy could could tan a fuckload and then maybe try to sell it that she could if she like did the hair a certain way and had to start speaking a certain way i i she could i if she told me she was black i'd be like oh she must be a little asian a little back shit you might not even know what she is would you know what she is?

Speaker 1 Exactly. Chinese? Yeah.
See? No, not even, not even close.

Speaker 1 Thailand, Vietnam, Laos. Keep going.
So close.

Speaker 1 Really try. Are you trying? Yeah.
Yeah, I'm trying. I've named almost every Asian country.

Speaker 1 Korean. No.

Speaker 1 Oh, whoa, dude.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Wait, let me see. Look at he's bringing up the map of Asia.
Thailand. Laos, Thailand.

Speaker 1 Filipino.

Speaker 1 Bing, bang, bang, bing, bang.

Speaker 1 I should have started with that one. I'm in L.A.
I should have.

Speaker 1 You should have known better. In New York, we put that in the back because there's like no Filipinos.
I know, they all come here. Yeah, there's no Filipinos.
Well, this is so much closer.

Speaker 1 They don't have any in New York. They don't.
It's just a lot of mostly Chinese. Oh.
Yeah. That's why it's like.

Speaker 1 We know why Rachel was like that, though, right? Why she what?

Speaker 1 She so identified as a black person. I watched the documentary.
It's because

Speaker 1 her parents were super religious and they adopted a bunch of black kids.

Speaker 1 Right. And she saw them being like abused and psychologically abused and she wanted to save them.
Right. So she identified with their struggle.
But that was her story.

Speaker 1 And based on what she did with her life, I don't know if we could take it as truth.

Speaker 1 She's got literally a tendency to lie. Yeah.
Yeah. So because her parents were like, no, none of that didn't happen.
She just kind of said she was black and left. Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they were against it. Yeah, they were like, but that's also because they were probably, you know, really just crazy racist.
It's also possible that she just had sex with a black guy. She did.

Speaker 1 She has three kids.

Speaker 1 And she was just like, I'm doing this now. Yeah.
This is way more fun. Yeah, I'm doing that now.
But she could do that as a white girl. Why does she have to be black to do that?

Speaker 1 Well, it just turns you, dude. It turns you.
So if you get fucked that good,

Speaker 1 black dick was so black. It was like she put on

Speaker 1 an usher.

Speaker 1 The cum changed her skin colour. changed it changed her you know it was like an internal favor melanin yeah you get melanin from it

Speaker 1 yeah it's possible but do you think that if

Speaker 1 that's how good black dick is that you're like that's it i'm going black yeah you just i'm gonna be black yeah but do you think a straight guy can be conditioned to like dick yes sorry Do I think a straight man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what you were saying earlier, like, you think that, like... Oh, he's going back to the thing he's really interested in.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, well, I'm just going to the circle. Let's talk more about these dicks.

Speaker 1 Let's go to yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah do you think you can be conditioned to like and of course you can yeah but through what prison is probably a big one

Speaker 1 yeah dicks on women yep yes oh yeah a segue you're saying like uh it's like with riding a bike with training wheels you're learning and then at some point you got to take them off and just go full dick yeah no tits full dick but do you think that like me i'm fully heterosexual yeah do i think that no i am that wasn't convincing

Speaker 1 me i'm i'm fully yeah

Speaker 1 But do you think that I could ever be conditioned to fully only like dick and not? There's not a doubt in my mind.

Speaker 1 There's not a doubt. There's not

Speaker 1 a shred of doubt. It would be tough for me because

Speaker 1 I'm trying to explain it without.

Speaker 1 First of all, guys are disgusting to me. Men are gross.
Yeah. I mean, just awful, disgusting people.
Yeah. And penises, including my own, are just so awful looking to me.

Speaker 1 I just, it's a, it's just a yucky thing to look. I don't even like looking at my eyes.
I close my eyes. They're not so yucky to me.
Okay, well, you could have been. You can be flipping.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I'm not like, I don't know. You guys want us all to leave? Yeah.
You guys can do the pot, just use it. I mean, yo.
They're not yucky to me either. They're not yucky.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 The Kinsey scale. And we tried to do the Kinsey scale one time on the show, and it did prove.
That was bisexual. That you were bisexual.

Speaker 1 It did. It did.

Speaker 1 We literally proved that he was like a quarterback.

Speaker 1 No, it was like in a 30%. 42%.
42%. I'm 42% guy.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But the kids' scale is real. You know, this is like a real scientific.

Speaker 1 They say we're all kind of on it. On a spectrum.
Yeah, I mean, I'm straight. I like women, but I, there's some vaginas I've seen that have been like looks like a dick.
Yeah. Or, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I've seen, and some, there's some uglier dicks, some handsomer dicks. So I go with more like a case-by-case basis.
I just, I'd be so intimidated with the whole thing. I just, I, I just, you know,

Speaker 1 getting penetrated scares me. And it, you know, I just, no thank you.
Well, that's not, you you know, there's other things that you can do. Yeah.
At some point, they're going to want the button.

Speaker 1 I think we're grooming him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like everything feels right.

Speaker 1 It doesn't feel right. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, you like Rudy, but Rudy likes girls and guys.
I like girls and guys. You like guys more?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I haven't been with a girl, so I don't know. But you're attracted to women? Yeah.
I think women, it's more flexible. Yeah, you know why? Because look what they look like.

Speaker 1 Look what we look like. They're designed.
If you were a woman,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? You'd also be like, well, look look at these other pretty things that put themselves together well. Yeah.
Versus these, you know.

Speaker 1 No, I think you should have to change your thinking, Andrew. I really do.
I think you just have this stuck, you know, me idea about certain things.

Speaker 1 I do. Yeah, correct.
Yeah. You should open up your.

Speaker 1 I'm not opening up anything for you, buddy. All right.
All right. Back off with trying to force your dick in and around.
I'm not doing that at all. Well, I'm not going to do it.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 1 Well, then, you don't want the role.

Speaker 1 I guess I got to. Yeah.
I I mean, I'm sure.

Speaker 1 That's interesting.

Speaker 1 Is there any role

Speaker 1 that I would suck or fuck for? Yeah. Not fuck, because I know that we don't like penetration.
Right. No, I don't want that.
But me and Yanis are producers, right? Yes. Yeah.
Right. And we are.

Speaker 1 What studio let you guys go?

Speaker 1 Disney. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who's the new Disney head? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, um, and is there anything that we can offer you? Yeah, so we were looking for someone

Speaker 1 who just red hair. That's me.
Definitely. Yeah.
Manly, little chorus. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. There's only there's just the thing.

Speaker 1 Americana. Americana.
We love Americana. With a little edge, a little feisty sports fan.
Yeah. The thing is, there's a lot.
We have about 10 of you to choose from. Oh, wow.
So you're all great.

Speaker 1 We love you all. We just want to know.
Well, just tell them what the project is. Well, okay.
It's basically we're creating a new superhero for the Marvel. Oh, seriously? Yes.
Wow.

Speaker 1 So we're combining a bunch of them in Wolverine, but we're going to combine Wolverine with what?

Speaker 1 We're going to combine Wolverine with...

Speaker 1 Doesn't know any other superheroes? No, no, Wolverine, and it's going to be Wolverine and Wonder Woman. Yeah.
So she's going to be a non-binary. It's a Marvel TC cross.
Yes. It's a cross.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, the Wonder Woman was very difficult to get. Yes.
It is DC. I went for Marvel.
Absolutely. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Harry's.

Speaker 1 I love Harry's. You know why I love Harry's? Why? Because my dad taught me that no man should have hairy shoulders.
I like like to keep hair on my face and not on my shoulders.

Speaker 1 And I shave my shoulders, baby. My dad taught me how to tie a tie and shave my shoulders.

Speaker 1 Speaking of your dad, and with Father's Day right around the corner, there's never a better time to try or share the Harry's experience. That's incredible because my dad needs some new shaving.

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And my butthole, can I say butthole? You can say butthole. Yeah, my butthole has never been cleaner, dude.

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Speaker 1 I don't do Wolverine

Speaker 1 It's a Wolverine Wonder Woman. It's a Wonder Woman.
That's a cross, right?

Speaker 1 Very difficult to do. Yeah.
It contractually. Listen, it sounds cool.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then we have another superhero, which is

Speaker 1 spider person. Spider person.
People no longer say man. Yeah, it's a non-binary.
It's a non-binary superhero movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do I still shoot webs or what do I shoot? Yeah,

Speaker 1 but not out of your wrist. Not out of your wrist.
Oh, it's out. Where is it out of? It's out of something else.

Speaker 1 And it's now.

Speaker 1 And it's there.

Speaker 1 We want to see it before the movie. That's the thing we're brought you in for is because we want to see how you shoot your wagon

Speaker 1 and we can help you we can help you we can do it yeah in fact you know

Speaker 1 um we really want to help you train we want to help you train because we have the

Speaker 1 we have the movements any you know the web thing very good point we like you yeah we do wait a minute do i have the role do you want it is the question yeah do you see do you see what i'm saying I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, yeah, I do want the role.

Speaker 1 Andrew Santorum. Andrew Santino.
Do you want the role? Wait, this isn't Rick Santorum. No, it's not the role.

Speaker 1 I do want the role. You get the role.
Yeah, yeah. What do I have to do to get the role? I feel like it's done, right? We need to see you shoot your web.

Speaker 1 Yeah, shoot your web because there's a spider person in it in combination with Wonder Woman and Wolverine, right? It's

Speaker 1 Wonder Wolver Spider. Wonder Wolver Spider-Man? Yeah,

Speaker 1 Wonder Wolver

Speaker 1 Spider. And

Speaker 1 Wonder Wolver Spider Person? The web's going to be shot out of your private area? Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes. We don't call it.
It's not.

Speaker 1 Spider person doesn't have a penis. It's not.

Speaker 1 It's a,

Speaker 1 yeah, there's no gender. But I have a penis.
No, no, no. It's an opening.
No, it's a cis. It's a cis.

Speaker 1 It's

Speaker 1 nondescript, non-binary.

Speaker 1 Cis.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, it does protrude out of the area. Yeah, right? Yeah.
There is like a head

Speaker 1 region. When it protrudes, when it gets hard,

Speaker 1 you say, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You apologize for

Speaker 1 encroaching on people's face. It's a little aggro.

Speaker 1 So there's a lot of apologizing while you're doing that.

Speaker 1 But your power does come from there, and that's when you shoot.

Speaker 1 And here's the deal, okay? This is interesting, right? Because when the web comes out, right,

Speaker 1 it devastates people from the inside. So

Speaker 1 the web has to go inside the body. Yeah, I know.
So we all have our mouths open. Yes.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 1 Because it goes in and it destroys the organs. So that's your addition.

Speaker 1 Your audition.

Speaker 1 Will you fuck us

Speaker 1 for this role? Yeah, yeah, but I'm telling you right now,

Speaker 1 $100 million guaranteed. Star.
I'm going to make you a star. Star.
Star. Star.
Does it have to be both or can I just pick one?

Speaker 1 Well, you could do either one of us, but definitely, if you pick Yana's, I definitely have to be there to watch.

Speaker 1 Well, we'd prefer if you just did a little dipping and

Speaker 1 both. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because we're both, you know. Yeah, we're talking star, Andrew.
This is what you dream for. This is what you moved out here for.
Yeah. Right?

Speaker 1 Do you want this? I want my name and lights. Yeah, there we go.
Okay. Okay.
But yeah.

Speaker 1 Get the NDA forms ready.

Speaker 1 I guess

Speaker 1 I'm going to be a star. Yes, you are.

Speaker 1 Hold on a second. I opened the door.
Tony Hinchcliffe, you can go home.

Speaker 1 He was your backup. He was.
Yeah, he was

Speaker 1 your backup. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's probably happened. Yeah, yeah, that probably's happened.
Pulled out the NDAs and said, okay, you got the role. I mean, congratulations so many times.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, Andrew. Did you forget that

Speaker 1 Wonder Woman was DC? Yeah, I was not aware of that.

Speaker 1 He's not into that shit. Yeah, he is.
Yeah, he does. Oh, he's not.
You know the difference between DC and Marvel, right? I I don't. All right.

Speaker 1 I like how you said, yes, he is like you. Superman.
Superman. What is it? Marvel or DC?

Speaker 1 Superman.

Speaker 1 I would be guessing. Yeah, go ahead.
Marvel. No.
No. That's crazy.
Yeah, yeah. Batman.

Speaker 1 DC. I'm just guessing.
Yes, that's right. But I'm guessing.
I didn't know that there was an affiliation with Iron Harvard. What is DC and Marvel? DC Comics and Marvel.

Speaker 1 Two competing companies. It's Nike and Reebok.
I wasn't into that. I was into Barbie's as a kid.

Speaker 1 Oh. Oh, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 I know that's Mattel.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. No, we know.
You know that.

Speaker 1 He's in a dress in Barbie's. Why is this? Were you guys? No, no, no.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
We take it. No, we think it's not.
I'm not judging you guys. No, we're not judging you guys.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's just shocking that you would not know the difference between the two.

Speaker 1 I was doing straight stuff. I was like, no, I'm just saying Barbie.
It's huge. It's a huge thing in our pop culture.
Well, like, I don't know where you're from here, right?

Speaker 1 You're from the Philippines, right? I thought she was a nice person. Someone asked me some questions, all right? I thought she was your niece.
Right. It's Kyla's niece.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's see. X-Men.
Marvel. Yes.

Speaker 1 Fantastic Four.

Speaker 1 Marvel.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Spider Person.

Speaker 1 Marvel. Yes.

Speaker 1 The Flash. BC.
Session's. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Daredevil. Black Panther.
Marvel. No.
B-E-T. B-E-T.
B-E-T. Yeah.
Source magazine.

Speaker 1 Five mics.

Speaker 1 Five mics, baby.

Speaker 1 That is interesting to think that.

Speaker 1 I guess I'm not a big comic book guy, but I do know that stuff. Yeah, we're sports guys.

Speaker 1 Did you watch Star Wars?

Speaker 1 I watched the first one, and I lost interest. I was a weird guy.
I was into adult movies when I was a kid.

Speaker 1 I was into

Speaker 1 Serpico Woody Allen movies. All right.
Even as a kid, you never saw.

Speaker 1 I was Star Wars guy, were you?

Speaker 1 You never saw Star Wars. You know this about me.

Speaker 1 You know, I've never seen a Harry Potter.

Speaker 1 Star Wars when you were a kid.

Speaker 1 I've seen Star Wars. Empire Strikes Back.
I've seen Empire Die. I've seen them in pieces over the years.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I didn't go to the theater to watch those things. But you know the story.
I know all of it, yeah. Okay.
Do you know the story of Star Wars? Loosely.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Loosely not in the movie. Yeah, yeah.
Lucy's not in the movie.

Speaker 1 Okay, Star Theater. Luke Skywalker, right?

Speaker 1 Who's his sister?

Speaker 1 Princess Leia.

Speaker 1 That's common.

Speaker 1 Tell me the story like a real New York scumbag would be. All right, so what happens is, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Fucking this guy.
He doesn't know his father's. And his father turns out to be like a fucking crackhead on the fucking corner who's actually selling him the fucking crack.

Speaker 1 And then he goes, hey, guy, you know, fucking come over on this side and fucking make some money. But he goes, my mom rose me right.
She rose me up right. I'm trying to get a fucking union job.

Speaker 1 I'm doing good. He goes, no, come over over here.
There's good fucking money over here. You want, we pay cash.
And he goes, I can't fucking do that.

Speaker 1 I got to kill you because you're fucking, you're driving down the property value. It's blocked by fucking selling drugs on the corner.
So he decides to fucking kill his father.

Speaker 1 And then he fucks his sister, who he doesn't know is his fucking sister. And then some fucking carpenter who got a job as an actor because fucking Steven Spielberg made him suck his dick.

Speaker 1 Did you know that?

Speaker 1 I didn't know that. He's another guy that's in there.

Speaker 1 I don't know what Han Solo does. I don't know.
That's my extent of Star Wars. Like, I don't know what his deal is.
I don't know where he could. Well, he was a smuggler, right? He just

Speaker 1 by chance ran into Obi-Wan Kenobi and

Speaker 1 Luke Skywalker at Mos Eisley, the bar, right? And because he was in Mos Eisley. Aren't you 50? How do you know all this shit? I just, because I just know about Star Wars.

Speaker 1 No, he's the generation that knows this the most. Yeah, in the 70s.
Star Wars came out in the 70s. In 1974,

Speaker 1 I was seven or eight years old. All the kids wore the clothing and the

Speaker 1 boys. Yeah, I was like, you were born right after the war, right?

Speaker 1 What Korean War?

Speaker 1 Vietnam or Korean? Which war were you born after? Vietnam.

Speaker 1 No, we're not. Wait, you're not World War II?

Speaker 1 No, man. When the boys came home? No, because

Speaker 1 I knew that I was about the Vietnam Wars because the kids at school would go, if I'd show up at the back, you know, at the play yard, they'd go, Charlie! Oh, man, that's bad.

Speaker 1 And they would hide and stuff and throw rocks. You were born in 69? 71.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah, yeah.
Did that hurt? Did that type of racism hurt? Oh, it's terrible. Yeah, that's bad.
They would go, Charlie, and then, okay, you're going to wear this rice patty hat, okay?

Speaker 1 But let me ask you this question. You wore it, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you were really good friends with those guys, would it hurt as much or would it be more funny?

Speaker 1 No, I was never good friends with them. They would just do things.
These are just bullies. They'd just bully me.
But your friends would make fun of you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if your friends did that, would it be okay? No, it's never okay. They would do it.
Oh. And I would accept it.
Right. I was like one of those guys that goes, okay, I'll do it.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 And I'd be out there, you know what I mean? And they'd throw rocks. I'd be bleeding.
That's not fun. Yeah, Charlie, bleeding, right?

Speaker 1 You're right. And you know what I mean? And they would just keep doing it.
And I'd have to carry the rice around and they cook the rice. Yeah, and they start carrying rocks.
$2,000, my dick.

Speaker 1 $2, fucky, fuck it. Right? And I'll be like, oh.
Love you long time. They'd make you say, love you long time.
Love you long time. That's bad.
It was very mean. He was mistreated for so long.

Speaker 1 But not anymore.

Speaker 1 So, when are you going back to New York? Tomorrow? Tomorrow. Tomorrow morning.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
So you came here because we wanted to help you. Yes.

Speaker 1 Because we think you're one of the funniest guys in the world. Thank you.
And you have a special coming out. Special's out.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
It's out.

Speaker 1 It's called Mom Love. It's called Mom Love.
It's out. It's on YouTube right now.

Speaker 1 Can you bring up the screenshot of what it looks like?

Speaker 1 The title card there so we can just throw it up on the image. We obviously can't watch it.
We don't want to watch it live on the show because then

Speaker 1 you guys wouldn't be laughing and they'd go, okay, why am I going to watch it? There it is. Mom Love, my guy.
And you shot it at Comedy on Stage. Comedy on Stage.
Wisconsin, man.

Speaker 1 One of the greatest comedy clubs in the entire fucking world. I love that club.
Couldn't recommend it enough to be. Owned by Greek girls.
Did the best. I love that club.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They genuinely, that family

Speaker 1 has been so good to me over the years. And whenever I go, they treat me better than any fuck.
I mean, look, it's also because they have a family relationship.

Speaker 1 A lot of clubs aren't owned like that anymore. But what those chicks do, I went out on the boat with them.

Speaker 1 Me and O'Connor went out on the boat and had like one of the best days out in that fucking lake. What about Nick from Hilarities? The best.
One of the best. Yeah.
One of the best. One of the best.

Speaker 1 Nick taking you out on boats and no, but he got me a bat. I know he got you guys.
He gets everyone a bat. Yeah, he gets me shit.
Yeah. I don't play, I never played Hilarities.

Speaker 1 Are you Hilarities?

Speaker 1 Where is it? Cleveland. No.

Speaker 1 That's weird. It's one of the best clubs in America.
It's like a Denver Comedy Works combination.

Speaker 1 It's like that good. You haven't been there? I don't think so.
If I have, I don't remember. I'm dead serious.
I don't think so. You should.

Speaker 1 I played so many different cities, but I just don't remember. I don't know.
I know I've never done Hilarities. Wow.
And if I did, maybe I don't remember.

Speaker 1 But that's interesting because there's a lot of clubs I never played that everyone plays. And I always feel hurt by it because they never asked.
I don't give a fuck at all. You don't? No.

Speaker 1 Do you care about shit like that? No, not really.

Speaker 1 I'll go. I mean, I would go if they asked me, but it's also like sometimes you get offers to do stuff and you're like, I can't that week.
And then they're like, well, we'll come back around to you.

Speaker 1 And you're like, I've already have seven other dates. It gets harder and harder where you're like, I can't just do it.
Especially now.

Speaker 1 I think it matters less now, but it's great when you go there and they treat you well, and it's a great club, and they do the right things. And Comedy on State does that.

Speaker 1 They make a menu for you with like things from your jokes or whatever. Like, they put a lot of effort in.
Their green room is incredible. It's like a.
It's not even, it's an apartment.

Speaker 1 It's an apartment. It's a full fucking apartment.
And the room is just gorgeous. It's done.
They just do it so well. Yeah.
And it's like, it makes other clubs,

Speaker 1 you're looking at the other clubs going like, why don't you just put a little effort into it, man? Why Why don't you just because

Speaker 1 a lot of times now, not to get too inside baseball for people that don't give a fuck, but everything is at Chili's now. You're at a fucking, you're basically at a Whataburger.

Speaker 1 You're at a fucking local food and chop shop, and that's fine. You're at a Trader Joe's or you're at a Trader Joe's.
Regional Trader Joe's. I don't want to talk shit about a club.

Speaker 1 This is just brought up. Do it.

Speaker 1 Yes. It's just brought up in issue.
Go! Hartford Funnybone. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Have I ever played a weekend there? Have I done that? And then Sunday night, Hartford Funnybone.
The The manager comes up. Oh, yeah, I just didn't meet you.
I'm meeting you now. Here's a check.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How long ago was this? This is probably eight years ago. After he did that, I was like, oh, I'll never play your room again.
That's so disrespectful. Is it in a mall?

Speaker 1 I don't remember what it was in a meeting. It is in a mall.
It is in a mall.

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck. Here's another one.
Virginia Beach Funny Bone. I did great numbers.
They're like, he's too edgy. Yeah.
And never had me back. Hartford Funny Bone.
Oh, fuck yourself. Fuck them.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You can say that now.

Speaker 1 I'm actually happy that you're here and you're alive and you're awake from a Florida trip.

Speaker 1 Look, you flew across the country and you're here on time and you've contributed so much to the show like you always do. You're my boyfriend, my lover, my king, my prince.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, you, you have given me nothing. You haven't interjected tonight.
You haven't jumped on anything. What's going on in your world? She's still thinking about Owen Gray right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're graying out. You're grayed out right now? Oh, I come home.
Guess what's in the house? A new fucking animal?

Speaker 1 You got another fucking dog? A puppy. You scumbag.
What'd you call it?

Speaker 1 Inky. Because it's black.
Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 We're teetering on.

Speaker 1 It's called Inky. Yeah.
Because it's black. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. What do we got a photo over here on your fucking story or your feed? Lil Inky.
Lil Inky. Is that the album coming soon? Lil Inky is here.

Speaker 1 What kind of dog is it? Pitbull. Pitbull.
You guys like pits a lot. You guys always have some variation of pit bull.

Speaker 1 So I didn't want to meet him. I sat down while Kali was taking a shower, and the dog jumped on my lap and fell asleep.

Speaker 1 Where'd you get it from? And I started drooling something to eat it. Rescue?

Speaker 1 From a rescue? Yeah. How many dogs are in the house now? Four? Five.
Five. Well, one of them is going to go soon.
Which one? I know. Yeah, yeah.
Maybe.

Speaker 1 You win something.

Speaker 1 She's going out of the country now next week. Where are you going? Back home.
She hasn't been in the Philippines in three years, right? How long? Three years.

Speaker 1 And how long are you going going to stay for? Just two weeks.

Speaker 1 That's what you think. Yeah, you think you're.

Speaker 1 I want to go back. You're calling some people.
You want to come back here? Yeah. No.
I think you're staying over there.

Speaker 1 I'll see what I can do.

Speaker 1 We got fucking immigration on speed dial. I'll see what I can do.
I haven't done anything wrong. I know.
Oh, I don't know about that. We can say things too.
Yeah, we can lie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you better start fucking treating him a little bit better around the house.

Speaker 1 Would you be bombed if you went to the Philippines and

Speaker 1 they said you're not longer on the bottom? You can't go back. Yeah, it'd be sad.

Speaker 1 Would you try to get here anyway? Yeah. Boats.
Well, what do you mean? Sneak in? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She should just marry a guy here, right? Can you get in that way? Yeah, but look, he just, Andres just went to, he's now an American citizen.

Speaker 1 He married a guy? Well, he married a guy here. He married a guy that's a citizen here, but what is it? How long do you have to be married so it's keep the citizenship? Five years.
Five years.

Speaker 1 Where's he from? España. Spain.
And

Speaker 1 he's one of the bad boy ones. You could tell by looking at this guy, he's a bad boy.
Yeah. Look at his unbuttoned a little bit.
He got that

Speaker 1 floral underneath. Yeah.
He runs with the bulls. Oh, yeah.
He's a bad boy. You guys do any hiring from America? No.

Speaker 1 Not really. Not really.
Not really. You got to get a visa for everyone who works in this one guys.
Well,

Speaker 1 here's why we hire these people. We can kind of hold this over their head all the time.
I like them. We'll send you back at any given moment.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, you know, you want to, but

Speaker 1 Fancy now is an American citizen, so we actually respect him.

Speaker 1 Tell him. Yeah, we can give you Carlos.

Speaker 1 We can still take Carlos. Yeah, we can still do whatever we want with Carlos.
Right. He's also Mexican, and, you know, that's, you know, that whole thing.
You're Mexican? Mm-hmm. Yep.

Speaker 1 What does deep state mean? Deep state means. Let's let that one sit for a second.
That's the cutest question you've ever asked in my dad.

Speaker 1 Where did you hear it? Who said that? Because I was just at LAX, and I was getting my bags. And I was like.

Speaker 1 What? What's the fucking? Nothing. Go ahead.
Oh, just that you came up with deep state at LAX. Sounds like some sort of conspiracy

Speaker 1 happening, which is exactly deep state. I've heard it before, but I was sitting there trying to get my bags, and there was a guy with a, you know,

Speaker 1 you know, a hat that has. That's a deep state on it? No, it has a forest on it.

Speaker 1 You know, you know, it's like a forest. Keep going.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know where this is so far. He's wearing a forest hat.
Looks like a forest, right? He's wearing foresty kind of gear. You mean he's wearing like outdoorsy gear?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like they blend into the forest. Camouflage.
I mean, camouflage. That's what I call it.

Speaker 1 That was an easy way to get there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's not camouflage because camouflage I equate to like, you know, military. Military.
This is more duck hunting. Deer hunting hat.

Speaker 1 Duck hunting. Duck hunting.
You know what? I'm on your same line. I understand.
Thank you so much. That's why I call it a forest hat.
Yeah, but it is still camouflage. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 So a guy who clearly votes Democrat.

Speaker 1 Well, that's where I was like.

Speaker 1 He's like, Bobby Lee, right? And I go, yeah. And he goes, big fan.

Speaker 1 I was like, thank you. He's a Marine.
Yeah. Right? He just retired.
So he is military.

Speaker 1 Nothing, though. Twists and turns of this area.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, just real quick. Temper 5, once you're warm.
I understand why military gets to go on the plane before me because I'm first class.

Speaker 1 But what have kids ever done? Sorry? Why do kids get to go on first? Because you haven't done nothing. Can I tell you why? Why? Nowadays, they survive shootings.

Speaker 1 Because when they load up

Speaker 1 those

Speaker 1 pieces of shit, when they load up those little assholes on the plane,

Speaker 1 yeah, get those fuckers settled in before I get on the fucking plane.

Speaker 1 I don't like when people are banging around their fucking kid through the aisle. So he was telling me about,

Speaker 1 you got to be careful about your phone, man. I go, why? Because they can read facial expressions and the government takes notes.
Yeah, it's called face ID. I said yes to it.
Right.

Speaker 1 And then he's like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Everything's, you know, they know your movements, this and that. And, you know what I mean, all this stuff.
And he's like, it's the deep state. And I go, how deep?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because I don't know what it means.
Like, what state is so deep? It's like 40 or 50 feet. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, is it canyons? I don't know what the fuck it meant, right?

Speaker 1 Those guys think that the government likes just watching you. Like, I don't even like watching me all day.
No. Imagine there's some guy sitting there watching me live my life.

Speaker 1 Well, that's what's so funny.

Speaker 1 This is kind of the same.

Speaker 1 But people think that they're so important that they're Jason Bourne. Yeah.
Like, no one gives a fuck about you. No.
But that's funny.

Speaker 1 This is kind of the same argument when somebody's like, you know, with this fucking gun law, stuff is all back again with guns and stuff. And

Speaker 1 whatever you feel about it, the funniest response I ever hear is when someone's like, you need your guns to protect yourself.

Speaker 1 If somebody comes to your house, if like the government comes to your house, you know, and tries to take over, you'll have a fighting chance.

Speaker 1 Do you really think you could fuck with the military if they came to your fucking knocked on your door? No. Nah.
You're gone, buddy. It depends how what level of jiu-jitsu you have.
Good luck.

Speaker 1 Good luck. Good luck.
So you're saying the deep state is a government agency that we're not proving. No, no, no, no.
What is the deep state? Explain it to me.

Speaker 1 It's a conspiratorial theory that there is a

Speaker 1 fan.

Speaker 1 Nothing came up, but yeah, go ahead. This is Giannis' field.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no,

Speaker 1 well, I mean, all you got to do is listen to any Tim Dylan episode and you'll get an explanation of it. Okay.
Or like a Joe Rogan. Yeah, it's like a, what is it, like a collaboration between,

Speaker 1 you know, corporations and

Speaker 1 the the state at like a clandescent level. So you don't know about it.
So there's some things have been found to be true, right? Like the government was

Speaker 1 Facebook and the government were kind of

Speaker 1 giving our data. There was a collaboration going on.
It's stuff you already know. Snowden revealed that there was some deep state stuff going on.

Speaker 1 Things can be deep state. Basically what it is, is like there's no branch of government that is, this isn't like an official thing.

Speaker 1 It's an unofficial theory that has been proven true in certain ways that the government is fucking working in conjunction with major corporations, major fucking. But haven't they like

Speaker 1 the Iron Con, well, they were selling, you know what I mean, our weapons to free the hostages, you know what I mean? Secretly, you know what I mean? Yeah, but that's real. That was real.

Speaker 1 We were giving them weapons in exchange for hostages. Right, but that was secret, right? So that it wasn't out there until we found out about it and became a big deal, right?

Speaker 1 That's some deep state shit. Is that deep state? I guess it is some deep state shit.
But usually deep state shit is more like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 it's a lot of conspiracy theory based on it. Spy shit.
Spy shit.

Speaker 1 Like they're watching. Actually, you're deep state.

Speaker 1 You're secretly working for the government and you're trying to out Andrew Santino as oh, here you go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, look, the United States Department of Justice was part of the deep state because they didn't didn't prosecute Huma Abdeen or James Comey. That's Trump's theory.
Trump's theory is that.

Speaker 1 So I'm saying, like, it's a lot of theorized versions of what the deep state is protecting. You know what I mean? Yes.

Speaker 1 Is there a deep state? Many names in Hollywood? You think there's like a secret?

Speaker 1 There's a cabal. That's a cabal.
That's my favorite. Is there a deep state in Hollywood? Snuss.

Speaker 1 What is it? Snuss.

Speaker 1 Can I have some? Wacky Texas. Can you draw one? With a snuss.
Will you put it in them? Yeah, yeah. Okay.
You can swallow it. You don't have to spit.
You can spit. But is it chewing tobacco? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you don't have to spit. It's Swedish.
You gotta make me some. Yeah, Swedish.

Speaker 1 And you don't have to spit, you can swallow it. Okay, okay.
Thanks, man.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. And then put it in.
Don't swallow it. I'm not gonna.
Okay. Bro, bro, look.
I have pouches. Oh, no, no, no, but you, but you have to spit the pouches? You don't have to spit any of that.

Speaker 1 You have to swallow these too, baby.

Speaker 1 You're not supposed to swallow them.

Speaker 1 Stomach cancer dog.

Speaker 1 You gotta get them all. Like Pokemon, get them all.
Throat. Wait, do you really swallow the chewing cancer? No, master.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, these are better.
You don't have to spit. Where do you get these at? You have to find them.
You know, certain stores have them, certain don't.

Speaker 1 But like the Swedish figured out a way to, like, I don't know, pasteurize it so you don't have to spit. Yeah, because you pass it, you pass it through.
That stuff will fucking you swallow Copenhagen.

Speaker 1 It's me a stomach cake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I'm putting another one in.
Yeah, why not? Yeah, throw one in. I'm not going to let you snooze alone.
We jumped over it real fast, but let's get back real quickly. To what?

Speaker 1 Giannis does have a new special coming out. Yeah, Mom Love.
Mom Love, please watch it, you guys. It's on the tubes of the use.

Speaker 1 Please support my guy. What are we talking right now? How long has it been up? A week, right? It's been up about six days, I believe.
Six days, mom, love, Giannis Papas. Go watch the guy.

Speaker 1 How many views do we talk on right now? Because we're going to fucking, we want to amp the viewership of this. I think we're at six figs.
Dude, come on. 137.
We're getting this way higher than that.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 All of our friends, please watch this show. Do you get money from that?

Speaker 1 No, this is just, it costs a share. That's my marketing line.
It costs a share.

Speaker 1 uh-huh so if you watch it just share it text it to your friends right share it on your profiles just get it out there just push it around push it out there right push it around yeah i'm gonna push it push it i look real good

Speaker 1 yannis is yannis is one of one of the one of the good ones as they say one of the good greeks like i i would i literally i swear to god dude i if i was stranded in new york yeah

Speaker 1 there's not a lot of guys i could call to help me yeah i i think you'd be one of them i wouldn't because i don't need you there i need you here He needs you here. So I wouldn't pick up.

Speaker 1 He wouldn't hang out with you. No.

Speaker 1 No. What? No.
He's got a family. If I was in trouble, you wouldn't help me.
Well, what do I get at it?

Speaker 1 No, but

Speaker 1 for real, you wouldn't? No, of course I wouldn't. Yeah, yeah.
Who would you really call first? Who'd be your first call in New York? In New York? Call me, I'll help you.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, I'm a good person. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you who I wouldn't call. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Schultz. Why? I don't think he would help me.
Yes, he would. He might.
Yeah, he would. He might.
He'd make you podcast.

Speaker 1 He might make you podcast about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You would definitely, I think, I'll help you. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who else? And I got the time, too. I'll be available.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Schultz would be busy. Stefano, probably not.
He's not going to help you. No, no, no.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
No, he'll help.

Speaker 1 He's a good guy. He's on Staten Island, though, now.
It's over the bridge. It depends on where you are.

Speaker 1 You're stuck in Manhattan. He's not coming.

Speaker 1 You know who I would help me, but I don't want his help. Godfrey.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got to listen to a lot.

Speaker 1 That's a lot. That's a lot.
Yeah. Yeah.
You should call up Normand.

Speaker 1 Hey. You didn't hear it.
Hey, Bob, I heard it. I think Mark would know.
I heard you're stuck, Bobby. I'm on my way.
Yeah. Don't move.
You know, Ari would. You're gay.
Yeah, Ari would.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if he wasn't in Bangladesh, this motherfucker is around the world every time I turn around. I'm like, where are you right now? He's like, I'm in the Andes.

Speaker 1 That dude, nobody travels like he does on a whim. On a fucking whim, that guy will disappear and just travel the world.
Yeah. He had a flip phone.
Flip phone. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fucking, that guy's bonkers. Are you excited about

Speaker 1 Top Gun Maverick? Big time. Yeah.
Big time. God bless.
God bless him. Are you going to watch it, really? Are you fucking kidding me?

Speaker 1 I wouldn't miss that for the fucking world. Is his wingman in the movie, too? What was his name? No, he dies.
Oh, Goose is dead. Goose is dead.

Speaker 1 97%.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's amazing. Yeah.
I saw a preview for the Bob's Burgers movie, and I thought.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 How does Tom Cruise still look so good? Baby blood. Yeah.
Yeah. For sure.
Yeah. drinking.
Cabal, if you're talking about... That's Zenu Cabal.
Zenu Xenu the alien shit?

Speaker 1 He's top dog over there at Scientology. I mean, look at this Face.
He's still got a nice Face right there on the man.

Speaker 1 So a good friend of mine was on In Khan, in Khan, and they did part of the, you know, like the flyover premiere there where they had the Jets and shit with the red, white, and blue.

Speaker 1 And he came in on a fucking helicopter, this fucking king. He's the last movie star we got, buddy.
He is, right? Yeah. Yeah.
That's it. He's done.
Dude, this is it. It's not happening anymore.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he really. And you know what was classy when the guy squirted with the.
Do you ever see that? Huh? Where he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's at the press, right line, right?

Speaker 1 And some guy squirts him with a squirt on. And at first, he was going to snap.
You could tell that. That would piss me off.
He's probably a tuxedo. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But he just grabs him and he goes, Why did you do that, man? Yeah. Huh? I was being nice, and I came up to you, and you squirted me a thing.
Why'd you do that, man? That was wrong. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you know what happened?

Speaker 1 That guy's career ended abruptly. The guy was never heard from ever again.
Yeah. You know how you don't fucking squirt the king.
You don't squirt. You don't squirt.
You don't squirt the king.

Speaker 1 You don't squirt him enough. Yeah, look at that.
Look at that.

Speaker 1 Please watch Yan's special right now on YouTube. Yeah.
We appreciate you, Yanni.

Speaker 1 Why don't you take us out? Why don't you tell the camera thank you for being a bad friend?

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend, guys. Just continue.
Don't answer anyone's calls who calls you. Make them text and forget all your friends' birthdays.

Speaker 1 Do you know what's crazy? Watching you wolf down in and out in front front of everyone, it's just like it's just

Speaker 1 it's a spectacle. You're tough to watch eating.
You're terrible at you're bad at eating. Yeah, you should see me eat pussy.

Speaker 1 Go over here and like

Speaker 1 a bird's eye view.

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 stupid. I'm

Speaker 1 a stupid man. I'm a stupid person.
Yeah, you're not a smart guy. Okay.
Yeah, you don't know what's going on.