Smash or Pass?

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Speaker 2 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 1 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 3 Imagine if Fleetwood Mac was performing and then they all had Led Zeppelin shirts on. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Cool tiger belly shirt. Here.
Here. Let me do this.

Speaker 2 It's still on the shirt. Get it off.
Flick it off.

Speaker 2 Don't get angry.

Speaker 3 Flick it off. You deserve it.

Speaker 2 You deserve it.

Speaker 2 Flick it off. Flick that face.

Speaker 4 I don't want to touch it.

Speaker 2 Come here. I'll get it off.
Come here. Yeah.
Is it an assault? I'll do it.

Speaker 3 It is assault. That's a salt.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hi. Hi, Rudy.
Hi, welcome back from Hawaii. Please don't wear your headphones.
Please don't participate on the show.

Speaker 2 She's got socks on, no shoes.

Speaker 2 No, she got her slides on.

Speaker 3 I love it because I watch court cases on

Speaker 3 YouTube. They'll just take a snippet, like court cam.
Doondo. And I love it when they spit in the judge's face.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. They go.

Speaker 2 And the judge always has that reaction.

Speaker 3 They always have that reaction. Like, they can't believe what it is.

Speaker 2 Take him away.

Speaker 3 Take him away. Lock him up.
Six months.

Speaker 2 Seven years.

Speaker 3 That's a bold thing to spit in the judge's face.

Speaker 2 Would you do it that? Black dude? Can't be black. Why? The judge? You guys don't know how to spit? We get like 100 years for just spitting gum at a judge.
All right, right.

Speaker 2 You know, who's going to be a job? Yeah, yeah. But you're right.

Speaker 3 It's usually a white dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's always.

Speaker 2 Here you go. What is this? Let's see this guy spitting on the judge, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, Court AE. They do good ones.
Yeah, that's it. This dude, I like this dude.

Speaker 2 Bass Webb.

Speaker 2 Bass Web.

Speaker 2 That's not a white guy.

Speaker 2 His name was Hunter Fisher. Hey, ma'am.
I'm Hunter Fisher. Where is it? Do it again.
Yeah, she couldn't believe it.

Speaker 3 She blinks.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah.

Speaker 3 The moment of.

Speaker 3 Charge him. Charge him.

Speaker 2 Didn't hit her in the face. By the way, how dramatic.
Didn't hit her in the face. Hit her on the far right shoulder.
Show it again. She got a little resistance.
Show it again. It missed her by a mile.

Speaker 2 Bass Webb.

Speaker 2 I'm on Bass Webb's team here. Oh, you are? I'm Team Bass Webb.
Let's see the spit. Boom.
Right shoulder.

Speaker 3 Wait, wait, look, I just say, I'm on the judge's team. I'll tell you why, right? You have one opportunity to spit in the judge's face.
You don't get the face. Yeah, you hit the shoulder.

Speaker 3 It's so embarrassing.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 3 If it was Asian, it would be right between the eyes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like it's a fucking blow gun.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Yeah, what would a black guy do?

Speaker 2 They put mucus in. This is it.

Speaker 2 He would have spit

Speaker 2 right in the middle of the eye. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, God bless this old gong. It's been a long time since we've hit the gong.
God bless this gong.

Speaker 2 Bass Webb, shout out. Bass Webb, wherever you are, locked up, incarcerated.

Speaker 3 Life in prison. Is he in? You think he's in? No, he is because of all the charges.
I watch the Court Cam all the time.

Speaker 2 Why are you watching so much Court Cam? Are you feeling like you might be charged for something?

Speaker 3 No, no, I don't feel like I'm in charge, but I just, just, it makes me feel better when I know I'm not incarcerated.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't last

Speaker 2 an hour in prison. Oh, I would.
No way.

Speaker 2 One hour? You'd last one hour, you'd be peeled to shreds. They'd peel your little tushie apart.
Oh, yeah. See? 30 minutes.

Speaker 2 In 30 minutes, I was like, Rudy, how long would Tito Bobby last in prison?

Speaker 4 I think he would get butt-fucked

Speaker 4 like five times.

Speaker 2 Right away. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, welcome to jail.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right. But But voluntarily.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 3 As soon as I get out of the cell, my asshole is bent over and it's out.

Speaker 2 And then somebody's going to tattoo, open for business. Right above the asshole, open for business.
24, 24, 7.

Speaker 3 24/7.

Speaker 3 They bring my meals. I'm bent over the whole time.
They just bring my meals in front of me. I eat like this.
I shit like this, but they just butt-fuck me between fucking shits.

Speaker 3 But guess what, dude?

Speaker 2 You can hear the hum on the bus.

Speaker 3 My face, no bruise on it at at all.

Speaker 2 Nobody's punching you. No one's punching me, dude.

Speaker 3 My ribs aren't broken, right?

Speaker 2 What if he did like?

Speaker 2 I can read. What if he's in an SM and he'd just be like, fuck you?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Because he just likes beating and choking you. Was that a way to get some COVID cough out?

Speaker 3 How many times have you had COVID now?

Speaker 2 Did you test negative before you came back into the studio? I didn't even test, dog.

Speaker 2 What are we doing?

Speaker 2 So, this is what happened. No, no.

Speaker 3 Bro, so

Speaker 2 calm down. You'll get, you'll stick your case.
Why won't you?

Speaker 3 But my question is this, right?

Speaker 2 God,

Speaker 3 if you're still infected and

Speaker 3 you just stroll on into this place and not tell anybody,

Speaker 3 why?

Speaker 4 Are you on COVID right now, dog?

Speaker 2 No, I don't have it no more. But you had it when? I got it last week.
The week be like back in

Speaker 2 last Saturday. so you have the internal wait a test they said after five days you good

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 wait a minute sat you got it set so saturday that just happened three day two days ago no not this saturday yeah the saturday before i guess that's ten days is good ten days is good is it good i don't know at this point i mean it's too late

Speaker 2 but i ain't got no cough or nothing i ain't even have a cough i had like oh really yeah just in the head dude we hear it oh yeah yeah yeah you don't sound healthy. I don't? No.

Speaker 3 How many times have you had it now?

Speaker 2 Four?

Speaker 2 Three or four?

Speaker 2 Are you trying to beat the record? No, I mean, everybody, when you work in a grocery store, everybody gets it.

Speaker 2 That's good to know. Okay.
Where our food is.

Speaker 2 Everybody handling your food. They got it.
You don't wear the mask at the grocery store? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So how'd you get it? You still get it, though. How did you think you got it then? I got it from.
I'm so scared. I know.
I know. I think I got it from.

Speaker 2 You know what? I think

Speaker 2 I was eating

Speaker 2 at Whole Foods, but I forgot to wash my hands. And I said to myself, I'm going to get sick.
And I got sick. Time.

Speaker 2 Stop. What do you mean you were eating and you didn't watch? You were eating with your hands? Were you eating like a fucking Ethiopian meal? No, no.
So I took a break, a 15-minute break.

Speaker 2 And normally I go and wash my hands and then go get me something to eat. But I forgot.
So I went, grabbed the boxes and touched all the stuff. And before I know what I thought.
That doesn't check out.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Something's missing.
Nothing's missing what's missing as simple as that fucking just fucked up are you back to prostitutes again and you know what

Speaker 2 that's how you got it you fucking liar it's not from eating a 15-minute lunch break let me ask you this though um could you have gotten it outside of work could have yeah yeah because you don't wear a mask you're not vaxed not vaxed yeah you're not boost nothing but don't forget now everybody primarily that works for amazon is vaxxed but i'm just one of the few that's not because amazon actually pay for people so people

Speaker 2 do they know that you didn't get it yeah they know Because they got a little thing I could show you later, but it's like you can give them an update and they'll put the label, put it on your badge that this person is vaccinated.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 So most people are vaccinated. So all the people that's been getting sick is people that's vaccinated.

Speaker 2 And me. Yeah.
Yeah, but you more.

Speaker 2 I don't know. You've gotten it four times.

Speaker 2 Yeah, probably.

Speaker 2 No, literally. Like that? Does that feel good?

Speaker 2 No, I don't feel that bad. It feels like I'm so used to being sick, though.
Like, Like, that's a running joke with me and Hart from the comedy store. Yeah.
The bartender.

Speaker 2 He's like, God damn, you always get sick. Because even when I called him when I first got COVID, he's like, you sure? Because you always fucking sick.
I said, yeah, that's true. But I got COVID.

Speaker 2 And he's like, all right, well, I don't know if I should believe you. So it's like one of them things where I don't know anyone that's gotten sick more than twice.

Speaker 3 I've only had it once. How many times have you had it?

Speaker 2 Once, but you're the only guy I know that's gotten it more than twice.

Speaker 2 No, no, I got it in 2020. I got it in 2021.

Speaker 3 Oh, you're trying to do it every year. That's good.

Speaker 2 Oh, I get it. That's good.

Speaker 2 2024, you're going to get it too. No, 20.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, when Trump got elected, I'm getting it again and again and again. Well, here's the thing.
For 2021, I didn't have a cold or get COVID the whole year, all the way to January. You played it.

Speaker 2 I thought I was investible. Yeah, I thought I was invincible.
I'm like, hell yeah, I'm fucking.

Speaker 3 Wait, you had it twice and you thought you were invincible?

Speaker 2 No, I had it once. So I got it once in 2020, right? Yeah.
Then all through last year, I didn't get anything. And then I got sick this February.
So actually, I got it three times.

Speaker 2 So then I just got it this time. Y'all made that up the fucking extra.
Yeah, y'all ain't shit, man. Doc.
What? I think he had it four times. You had it three times.
You've had it twice on this show.

Speaker 2 Exactly. So this is my third time.
Four.

Speaker 2 The math ain't adding up. He just ain't getting it, is he? All right.
Raise your hand if you vote. Has he had it four times? Raise your hand.
Oh, that's what it's going right now.

Speaker 2 I think the eyes have it.

Speaker 3 I recall you've had it four times.

Speaker 2 I feel like for sure. Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 3 You've had four.

Speaker 2 The amount of times Andres is like, Doc is sick with COVID. I mean, I feel like I hear that.
That echoes in my mind.

Speaker 3 Six times you said that.

Speaker 2 No, y'all only heard it twice. All right.
Rudy Jules, tell us about Hawaii. Go ahead and give us what happened in Hawaii.

Speaker 4 I drank some beer, but I didn't go to a strip club.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 What night did you drink beer on?

Speaker 4 Saturday. With who? At the Kalila, Tikawinda, all of them.
And then I caught four fishes.

Speaker 2 Four fish.

Speaker 4 But I didn't get to eat them because I was tired of cooking. And I just slept.

Speaker 2 Man, Man, you're a party animal. What an animal.
You're a party animal, bud.

Speaker 2 Did you meet up with any boys out there?

Speaker 4 There was this one guy, but then...

Speaker 2 Your dick?

Speaker 4 No. Because

Speaker 4 he was sending too much dick pics.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Can we see them?

Speaker 2 No. Why? Why?

Speaker 4 No, because on Instagram, you can have an option to...

Speaker 4 just put it five seconds and then it's gone.

Speaker 2 Tell him to send one right now. No.

Speaker 2 Why? We could show it on the show. How funny would that be if we put up dick pics? A show.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. How many dick did you ask for dick pics?

Speaker 4 No, he just sends them every morning.

Speaker 2 Okay, timeout.

Speaker 2 Here's a rule. Here's a rule of thumb to every man listening, every man out there.

Speaker 2 Do not ever send a fucking dick pic unless it is requested or talked. No girl wants to see your fucking dick unless they've asked to see your dick.
It's the weirdest thing to be like, morning.

Speaker 2 No one's ever asked to see my dick.

Speaker 2 Ever. That's not true.
I've asked to see your dick. No, I mean, I'm woman.

Speaker 2 I'll send you. Oh, no.
Sorry. No one's ever asked me to send a fucking dick pic.
Well, yeah, because they know. They already know what it looks like.

Speaker 2 Why? Because you look like your dick. Your dick looks like you.
Oh.

Speaker 3 Have you ever been asked for your dick pic?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but only by women, I'm like, only by girls I've ever dated.

Speaker 3 Not by like even the girls I've dated never asked, send me your dick.

Speaker 2 I know, because you don't have a cool dick, bud.

Speaker 2 Have you ever asked been requested for your dick? I don't send no dick pic. He doesn't have a camera phone.

Speaker 2 You play snake on your phone. I wouldn't have it.
I wouldn't send him a dick pic anyway. He's like, fucking.
No, you know what, though?

Speaker 2 But honestly, this idea that a guy's going to send a rogue dick pic is crazy to me. Have you ever sent a rogue dick pic? No.
Do you respond? Do you say no?

Speaker 4 At first, I was like, I don't need it.

Speaker 2 I don't need it. That's a funny response.

Speaker 4 But then he kept sending it every morning, and so I just don't talk to him anymore.

Speaker 2 But you know, this guy sucks. He sucks.
Is it nice? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, that's well

Speaker 2 sending it, I guess. Yeah.
But that's what all the young kids do. All the young kids, they just send dick pics like fucking viruses, bro.
They just put their put they're throwing it out.

Speaker 2 So people are getting them three, four times like Rona. I'm going to tell you, this shit is for real.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 is it hard every time? Yeah. See, I send lip dick pics.
When I put it out to the world, I want it soft. I say, work on this.
That's what I send in a dick pic. Work on it.
I want it real soft.

Speaker 2 Sometimes I'll pull it hard, tuck it in my asshole so the balls are poking out to the side

Speaker 2 with the googly eyes.

Speaker 2 You've never done it.

Speaker 2 Man, I got Doc Good, man. That feels good.

Speaker 3 Imagine, imagine. Honestly, think about this.
Yeah. If Doc sent you a dick pic,

Speaker 2 how

Speaker 3 hard would you laugh? I quit the show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'd be going with the show.

Speaker 2 I was getting hard acting. I'd be laughing so hard.
We'll stop. Tuno?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get it in, Tuno.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Was he white?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 What is he?

Speaker 4 He's Filipino.

Speaker 2 She doesn't like white. You know that.
Well.

Speaker 2 Uh-oh.

Speaker 5 No, I don't like whites.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well.
I don't like whites.

Speaker 3 Let's be honest here.

Speaker 4 I don't like whites.

Speaker 3 But have you pointed white?

Speaker 2 Maybe. Yeah.

Speaker 3 More than any other race? No.

Speaker 2 Let's get one clean take of you looking in that camera and saying, I don't like whites. Go ahead.

Speaker 4 I don't like whites. Great.

Speaker 2 Great. We just need to log some of this stuff in for the future.

Speaker 2 Liar.

Speaker 2 You already hooked up with a white.

Speaker 4 Three whites. Yeah, because I.

Speaker 2 Three whites. Two.

Speaker 2 Two. Three.
Two.

Speaker 2 Two.

Speaker 3 All right, but it's three, but we'll go to that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 So other than that, Hawaii was okay. Other than the unsolicited unsolicited dick pics.
Yeah, I was fine. I'm going to Hawaii in two weeks.
I'm so excited.

Speaker 2 And I hope I get some dick pics to all my little Hawaiian boys out there. I hope I get a good old fat dick pic from the big island.
What about butthole picks?

Speaker 3 Do people get that?

Speaker 2 If you have a good butthole, do you have a nice butthole?

Speaker 3 I think my butthole is pristine.

Speaker 2 Would you send it out? Yeah. You would?

Speaker 3 But I don't think that's a thing, so I don't be the first dude to do it.

Speaker 2 You and I should do an OnlyFans where it's just only our butthole.

Speaker 2 Butthole picks. I would be down to do that.
Right.

Speaker 3 Because I'd even stick like fun things in it, just for fun. Not big things, but little fun things.

Speaker 2 Like what?

Speaker 3 Matchbox

Speaker 3 cars?

Speaker 3 Baby carrots. Like coming up.

Speaker 3 I know what? A matchbox car, the Batmobile, and sticking out of my butthole. Like it's the Bat Cave.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's cool.

Speaker 2 And just, you know what I mean? Make a sound. James Bond.

Speaker 3 What do you think? Is that James Bond?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's the fucking music.

Speaker 2 That makes you angry? Yeah, because I used know your shit.

Speaker 2 Don't fuck up a butthole exit with James Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the Batman music? Do you know?

Speaker 3 Wait, wait, the original Batman. I'm gonna try to figure it out.
Don't

Speaker 2 don't, don't, don't.

Speaker 2 Batman.

Speaker 2 You're so close. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Batman. So close.
It's so weird how far you are, but so close. That was the original version.

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know.
You're not a karaoke, Bob.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, you do it.

Speaker 2 You do the Batman.

Speaker 2 Batman. That's it.
You're both kind of off. Yeah, what is it? What is it? Duna Nana,

Speaker 2 Batman. I was pretty close.
Close. Duna no no no no no no Batman well you just copied what I just did

Speaker 2 I know Spider-Man Spider-Man

Speaker 2 Spider-Man

Speaker 2 got you right

Speaker 2 oh oh shrink comes the spider-man. Did you say shrink the web in the night? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shrink the web in the night.

Speaker 2 Here comes the spider-man.

Speaker 3 Can you do any of the Star Wars theme songs?

Speaker 2 What a great song. The Imperial March.

Speaker 3 Incredible.

Speaker 2 Do you not know what that is?

Speaker 4 I know that song from Star Wars.

Speaker 3 You've never seen any of them.

Speaker 2 I saw one. Which one?

Speaker 6 The one that you made me...

Speaker 2 I forgot what...

Speaker 2 Part four?

Speaker 2 Part four.

Speaker 3 What was it? What happened in it?

Speaker 4 Princess

Speaker 2 Layla? Yeah, Lila. Yeah, Lila.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's good. I can't believe you got that, Layla.

Speaker 4 I think she died.

Speaker 3 Princess Layla. Layla.
She dies? Princess Layla dies?

Speaker 2 I think. You think? How?

Speaker 4 And then, like, the planet exploded. No, she saw the planet exploded.
I think that's her home.

Speaker 2 I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah. We got to pick this episode up a little bit.

Speaker 2 It's really falling down the hill. Doc, do you have any crazy conspiracy theories about space that we haven't talked about?

Speaker 2 Yeah, no. Oh, what is this?

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. So, this is what we got here.
Oh, that's where I got.

Speaker 2 Wait, what was this? A Tucker Carlson article? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 This is what I call.

Speaker 2 Whose fucking UFOs are they?

Speaker 2 Because you said you didn't believe extraterrestrials coming here. Timeout.

Speaker 2 First of all, don't fucking gaslight me about extraterrestrials.

Speaker 2 I believe in them. I believe they've come here.
I don't believe they've stuck around.

Speaker 2 No, you don't believe it. I don't believe they're still here.

Speaker 3 But I do believe I get all my news source from Tucker Carlson.

Speaker 2 All right. So that's where we're on the same page here.
Oh, yeah, that feels good. Dude, I can even.
Do you like him? No, I just like the fact that he's trying to cover this.

Speaker 3 Oh, he's trying.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, he likes this.

Speaker 2 Let's hear what they got to say.

Speaker 3 Let's see what Hucker Carlson, the truth teller, has to say.

Speaker 2 What's up with Jews right away?

Speaker 2 Tom Rogan came out with a theory as to why they've been lying. And it's worth hearing.
Tom Rogan joins us tonight.

Speaker 6 Tom, thanks so much for coming up.

Speaker 6 So one of the things you hear is, well, maybe these objects are Russian or Chinese, but your piece points out Russia and China have literally lost aircraft chasing these things.

Speaker 6 So they're not Russian or Chinese.

Speaker 2 So we have a declassified British government document, which is a research document into UFOs that points out a couple of times, actually, that about four Soviet

Speaker 2 are already going to discredit this.

Speaker 2 British guy? I don't believe British people. These are the fucking...
What the fuck? These guys are ultimate liars. We didn't do anything wrong.
They invented it.

Speaker 3 They were lying. They invented it.

Speaker 2 They invented lying and slavery, by the way. So they're the originals.
Okay. So let me say, I know what y'all are thinking, though.
What? Doc, do you have the doc? Doc, do you have the doc?

Speaker 2 Pull it up on the goddamn screen right here.

Speaker 2 I'm talking about it. Yeah, that's not a.
Yeah. He's got it.
Damn, page nine. Yeah.
Tino, go on ahead and read it for the paper. Is this it right where we go?

Speaker 2 That's the declassified doc from the British. So that's National Archives of the UK.
What does the exes mean? Yeah, that means the stuff they couldn't leave. Exes they had to redact.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So that was declassified in 2000.

Speaker 2 So any of this other shit y'all hearing about the Navy talking about 2004, this shit been popping off. So go all the way down.

Speaker 2 Now, to page number nine. Okay.
Those are street lights.

Speaker 2 You know what those X's say? Let's see right there at the top. Oh, hold on.

Speaker 3 Doc, just real quick. Look at me, right?

Speaker 3 Those X's, you know what that says?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 3 This whole document is bullshit.

Speaker 3 My name is Leroy. I'm eight.
I'm writing this. Yeah.
Yeah, you don't know what the fuck the X's mean.

Speaker 2 Hey, man. It's in the National Archives of the UK.
All right, let me see the top. I'll get my homework.
That's all I want to tell you. I'm all here.
Can I say this?

Speaker 2 The word UFO, what does it stand for? Unidentified flying object. That's right.
It can be anything. You understand that, right? It can be of this earth.
It could be.

Speaker 2 Unidentified flying object means it's a... It could be a kite.
Right, correct. Right now, it could be a

Speaker 2 feather. Or a feather.
Right now, we have the information, even China, saying they're using artificial intelligence in this article here.

Speaker 2 Right now today, and they said that the UFOs are increasing in their airspace. So.
How come they're not coming over here as much? They are. Last night, you know, was the blood moon.

Speaker 3 Do you know this? Yeah, I saw it. And it was beautiful, the lunar eclipse.

Speaker 2 This is the most clear they said it's ever been in a decade, right? This blood moon. Did you look at the blood moon? Of course you did, you lazy fucking.

Speaker 2 And it was honestly, it did give me glimpses of, oh, this is,

Speaker 2 we are, you forget, we are on space rock. It is creepy to see other space rocks move around.

Speaker 2 You're so used to seeing the moon, you're like, that is kind of fucking crazy to know that that's still happening. That lunar eclipses stuff still.
It is, it gives me a little,

Speaker 2 I don't know. And I will say,

Speaker 2 Doc, you know about the caves on Mars. Do you know? Yeah.
Google Caves on Mars.

Speaker 2 This just resurfaced. There's a bunch of these holes on Mars now that have just resurfaced.
Look at this. Tell me this doesn't look like a fucking...

Speaker 2 Well, there's a picture down that looks like a door. It looks like a doorway.
Okay, where? Do doorway on Mars.

Speaker 2 I can't even. No, honestly, dude.
Look at that. Look at that fucking photo right there.
The first biggest one you've seen.

Speaker 3 Which one? I can't even.

Speaker 2 Fuck! Bobby. Yeah, yeah.
Is that not a fucking door? That's definitely been carved. Man, I've been doing it.

Speaker 3 You've seen the the documentary Moonfall?

Speaker 2 Moonfall. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 That's the set of Moonfall.

Speaker 2 This is on the set of Moonfall.

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Speaker 2 Hydro. I caught it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

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Speaker 2 Better health. Hey, life can be overwhelming, Bob.
I know. Many of us are burned out without even knowing it.
Symptoms can

Speaker 2 be lack of motivation, feeling helpless or trapped, and detachment, fatigue, and more.

Speaker 3 Yeah. All right.
Guess what, Andrew? What, bud? You just named all these things, but I am using BetterHelp, and I'm working through these, processing these.

Speaker 2 Because we both have a lot of different things that

Speaker 2 hinder us, and I got to tell you, BetterHelp has helped both of us. Therapy is great.

Speaker 3 What is BetterHelp?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what BetterHelp is.

Speaker 3 It's customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to.

Speaker 2 That's right. do, you can choose to talk to them face to face, or you can do it just over the audio, the old school way.

Speaker 2 And I got to tell you, as somebody who believes in mental health awareness and people getting help, Bob and I both think it's an important thing that you talk to somebody if you feel like you want to talk to somebody to help yourself.

Speaker 2 It's much more affordable than in-person therapy. And I got to tell you, you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours.

Speaker 2 It's a wonderful system that you can utilize from your home, from anywhere you are around the world. All you need to do is have a computer to log into and get some better help.

Speaker 4 Bad Friends listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 So that's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash bad friends. Bring up the doc.
Doc.

Speaker 2 When was the last time a human went to Mars?

Speaker 2 Never. Never.

Speaker 2 So when.

Speaker 2 Hi, you're Michael. Hi, Michael.
See?

Speaker 3 Who's Hai Mashed?

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. Who's Hai Mashed? Space Chief 30,

Speaker 2 X Space Chief of Israel

Speaker 2 who ran

Speaker 2 this space program.

Speaker 2 I'll be forgetting, man. I'm a little buzz a little bit.

Speaker 3 And COVID. I get it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. But anyway, he's the ex-general and the ex-space chief of Israel for 30 years.

Speaker 2 And he said that

Speaker 2 the United States and Israel was in contact with the Galactic Federation. Bam!

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 What else you got to say?

Speaker 3 That's it. I'm a believer.

Speaker 2 Him.

Speaker 3 Told you. Isa McGlagas.

Speaker 2 Once you said Isa Magalagas was involved in her, I'm fucking salted. There it is, right there, Bobby.
Former Israeli space security chief says extraterrestrials exist and Trump knows about it.

Speaker 2 All right, so let me ask you something. I'm thinking that's what the pregnancy is.
So when you're alone at night

Speaker 2 at your spot, you're alone. Oh, come on.
No, no, no. I'm asking.

Speaker 2 You're alone at night. You're a bottle and a half of wine deep, right?

Speaker 2 I never get a bottle and a half, but go ahead. Okay, a bottle deep.
You've polished a bottle. I've done it.
You're buzzing. It's two two in the morning.
What are you googling?

Speaker 2 You need a girlfriend. It flops between pornhub.

Speaker 2 You need a girlfriend. A lot of physics videos.
Physics.

Speaker 3 See, you need a girlfriend.

Speaker 2 We got to get you some light. Hey, man.
And some

Speaker 3 little dudes your age, alone in a fucking studio. And I watch a lot of two in the morning.
You're getting buzzed. There's nothing else to do.

Speaker 2 Buy a PlayStation. We got to buy you something.
You got to say something. This is insane.
Well, okay, I watch a lot of

Speaker 2 murder dogs porn hub and alien shit that's what fucking lonely dudes do in a condo you that's the chemical makeup for a school shooter or something yeah it's like you're losing your mind

Speaker 2 porn hub physics videos a bottle of wine i'm afraid you're gonna shoot up a festival

Speaker 2 oh my god the guy last night i have to the dude last night i went to the the liquor store near me to just get uh a bag of chips i wanted some potato chips and i was on my walk home.

Speaker 2 Very nice guy, but he was listening to a podcast throughout the, he does all the time in the liquor store, in our little like corner store. Sweet guy.
It's on blast.

Speaker 2 I start to listen to it as I'm standing there in line. I'm like, who is it? Who's the podcast? Yeah.
No, no, I've never heard of it, but it's a murder. It's a murder one.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 There's a thousand of them. Yeah, yeah.
But a guy is basically telling a story about how him and his wife said sexually they need to be as open as they can possibly be so that

Speaker 2 they're never, you know, disappointed in their relationship. He said, if you want something uncomfortable, you know, that you know makes me uncomfortable, just tell me.

Speaker 2 If If you want to fuck someone, just tell me, you know what I mean? Like, just be, he was like, before they got married, they said, let's just say everything.

Speaker 2 So they agreed to this, right? And then obviously, as the, as the podcast says, she agreed to it, they were fine.

Speaker 2 And then at some point, he found out that she was fucking like a guy down the street and it was like a full-on affair. It wasn't like she wasn't cheating on him.

Speaker 2 It was like living with this other guy. So then, hold on, hold on, listen.
So then, this is crazy. So then, so then he goes, he says, she blew up my whole life.

Speaker 2 She ruined the small business that we took. And even though she was the one who cheated on me in the family court, infidelity isn't a part of marriage law.

Speaker 2 So it's like, it doesn't come into play, right?

Speaker 2 Even though he was like, she's the one that wanted the divorce because she left me for somebody else, he still had to owe her alimony because he had made more money than her.

Speaker 2 So he's like, do you know what that feels like to give someone money, even though they were the ones that wanted divorce because they were the ones that left you for somebody else?

Speaker 2 And he was, you know, breaking it down. And as I get to the register, I go, that story is kind of fucked up.
And dude, did I fuel this guy's fire? He goes, right?

Speaker 2 It's a clear violation of the 14 fucking amendments.

Speaker 2 Dude, I mean, he was like, he wanted to unload.

Speaker 2 He goes, and you know what, dude? And they fucking wonder. And they fucking wonder why guys kill their fucking wives.
Huh? And they wonder why they kill him. You know why this guy lost everything.

Speaker 2 He's better off just killing her because his life is over. Her life should be over too.

Speaker 2 $4.99.

Speaker 2 And I was like, okay.

Speaker 2 Paid for my chips. And I was like, have a good night.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, dude, I didn't know what to say. say i literally but also i was like uh-huh uh-huh afraid that he was going to be like why do you disagree uh bobby sorry i didn't see your hand up

Speaker 2 how long were you in this liquor store for 35 minutes

Speaker 2 information you just you're going down every aisle looking at the chili what do you here's what happened yeah yeah yeah there were teenagers in there around and they were buying stuff

Speaker 2 I went to the beer aisle to go get a single to get a get a Lucy to a onesie beer that I was going to crack and walk home with. Then I decided I shouldn't be drinking beer right now.

Speaker 2 I don't need the extra calories. I'm a little pudgy-wudgy, so I put it back.
Then I went to the chips. They didn't have what I wanted.
I wanted the sour cream and cheddar.

Speaker 2 Then I went back to the beer thing. I was milling about.
I was killing a little bit of time.

Speaker 3 For about 40 minutes.

Speaker 2 No, this was genuinely five minutes. Five minutes.

Speaker 2 The guy's story was quick. I just told it to you right now in three fucking minutes.
That's literally what he said. But as I got up there, this liquor store guy was, he wanted someone to disagree.

Speaker 2 He wanted me to be like, I don't know. He was begging for someone.
Not me. I was like, you're right, dude.
Kill your wife. Whatever you have to do.

Speaker 2 I don't give a, don't fucking tell me that you're going to do it. Just do it.

Speaker 3 Can I tell you what happened to me?

Speaker 2 Yeah, did you kill your wife?

Speaker 3 No. I was at We Spa.

Speaker 3 You know what WeSpa? The Korean Spa. Yeah, with Gene.

Speaker 2 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 3 And Hong. Gene Hong.
And we're walking.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't know how, you know, have you been to WeSpa?

Speaker 3 Yes, I have. Yeah, so everyone's wearing the same thing.
It's like such a weird utopian society. Well, they give it to you.
They give you the clothes, but you wear it, right?

Speaker 3 So everyone has this Wii Spa shirt, the same khaki pants, and the slippers, slippers, and you're just kind of walking around, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 that's what you're wearing.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 And everyone's like laying around or some sort of clay, clay, you know, clay room. Yeah.
You know what I mean? People drinking and eating food. It's like so weird, right?

Speaker 2 It's very weird.

Speaker 3 And this guy comes up to me and goes, you got to help me, man. Here, this is my email.
This is all my information, dude. I know who you are, man.
You're Bobby Lee. And, dude, I'm in trouble.

Speaker 2 And I go, what?

Speaker 3 What do you mean? Music, man. I'm getting sued for because of my my music and the copyrights, and they're fucking fucking me, man.
So, and I know you're in show business.

Speaker 3 You probably have a fucking lawyer and this and that. I need to fucking help.
And he gives me a piece of paper like this, right? And I put it on my goes, all right, man.

Speaker 2 I'll do it.

Speaker 2 Are we going to help this guy?

Speaker 3 No, but what happened was,

Speaker 2 what happened?

Speaker 3 The fucking information, it was in my Wi-Spa short.

Speaker 2 Oh. Right?

Speaker 3 And I threw it in the fucking hamper.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so someone else has to do it.

Speaker 2 Someone else has to do it.

Speaker 2 But it's like,

Speaker 3 it was like frantic, like he was about to fucking die.

Speaker 2 You could have saved his life.

Speaker 3 I know, but what am I going to do?

Speaker 2 I don't know about laws. Wait till he hears this.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 3 It's over. It's so crazy what people say.

Speaker 2 He said he got sued?

Speaker 3 I don't even know. And Gene was just kind of like, his eyes were fluttering because it was scary.
It was like the energy was like, dude, the energy I'm doing right now

Speaker 3 is the energy that he had.

Speaker 2 Too erratic. Yeah.

Speaker 3 It was just like.

Speaker 2 Hey, hey, hey, guy. Hey, hey.
Anyway, I know who you are, man.

Speaker 3 You're Bobby Lee, right? This is my fucking paper. I am in big trouble, man.
And I knew you had, you know, lawyers, right?

Speaker 3 And all the information had all this email, social media, other court doc.

Speaker 2 I don't know what the fuck it was, right?

Speaker 3 But it's like, I'm in my, I'm relaxing.

Speaker 4 Why was he at the spa?

Speaker 2 Well, he wants to relax. You could tell he needed to.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he seems like it was.

Speaker 2 He's like, I have all these problems. Do you not want to go to spas? You don't like spas? No.
Why not? It's just...

Speaker 2 Too intimate. What?

Speaker 2 You know what? Says the girl getting dick pics every day on the spot. tonight you know what we're gonna do tonight

Speaker 2 spa yeah no go to the spa you and i are gonna go to the wee spa together

Speaker 2 and do what what you mean you take a steam you do a schwitz so what we're gonna do is get a massage okay this is what we're gonna do we go right i pay for you right you go to the women's women's area i go to the men's you put the outfit on just hear me out dude Fucking hear me out.

Speaker 2 And find that piece of paper that this guy gave him.

Speaker 3 Try to find the paper, okay?

Speaker 3 And then you wear the clothes. I'll meet you in the third floor.
That's where the clay, the salt, the cold room is, all that stuff. And we'll have a dinner and we'll lounge around.
We'll drink drinks.

Speaker 3 We'll steam together. Do all that stuff.
Won't that be nice?

Speaker 4 I invite her to sleep.

Speaker 3 See, it's like I invited her to think.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 3 Here's the deal, dude.

Speaker 3 Can I just be honest with you?

Speaker 2 You're running out. You're running low.
You're running low. You're running low.

Speaker 3 You're running low. You're running out.
You're running around.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 You're doing all kinds of running.

Speaker 3 And the thing is, is that here's what you're not doing. You're not connected.

Speaker 3 You're not developing a relationship.

Speaker 2 And that's...

Speaker 3 And you don't make me feel like we're friends or anything like that.

Speaker 2 Or I'm your father or uncle, whatever, right?

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 3 We don't do activities together.

Speaker 2 And every time.

Speaker 3 Let's watch the Northman. Shit that you want to do.

Speaker 2 I got to go buy it. You wanted to watch North?

Speaker 3 I didn't have tickets to this fucking white Nordic fucking adventure.

Speaker 2 Oh, and you don't like whites, huh? But yeah, you watch the North?

Speaker 3 Yeah, she begged me to see the Nordic.

Speaker 4 Only the guy that I like.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 So you do like whites. You like it.

Speaker 4 Because he's like God.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're God. People are God.
Yeah. No, only him.
Only him. No, duh.

Speaker 3 Have you ever seen the photos of Jesus all over churches and stuff like that?

Speaker 2 White. Very white.
Okay. Very white.
Love was a big tennis player. Yeah.
Big dude. Do you like Jason Momoa?

Speaker 4 I like Jason Mamois.

Speaker 2 Everybody likes Jason fucking Mamo. Well, why'd you ask him that? Because he likes Jason Mamoa.
He's handsome, though. That's his guy.
I'm not a hater.

Speaker 2 When I see a handsome dude, I'll be like, oh, this is interesting. So let me ask you something.

Speaker 3 Let me throw you some stars, right? Male stars. And you tell me if they're handsome or or not.

Speaker 2 Let's go. All right.
Brad Pitt. Handsome.
No, no, no. Tell us.
He's older. Handsome is not the.
This is going to be too subjective. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The new world in the new phrase of the internet is either smash or pass.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 Rudy. Am I right, Rudy? Yeah, Mamoa, smash? Smash or pass.
Fool.

Speaker 3 Just in general.

Speaker 2 Let's do it. Fuck it.
Yeah, let's do it.

Speaker 2 So you're going to say smash.

Speaker 3 You have to smash or pass.

Speaker 2 Jason Mamoa. Oh, I got a stomach.
Okay, let's go. All right.
All right. Jason Mamoa.
Smash.

Speaker 2 All right, God.

Speaker 2 Brother Smash. Tom Cruise.
Destroy. Tom Cruise.
Nah, pass. Pass.
Michael B. Jordan.

Speaker 2 Smash.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Ladies Low.
Is it the.

Speaker 3 Anyway.

Speaker 2 Don't make it about other people. This is about.
He has a small dick. Who has a small dick?

Speaker 4 Michael B.

Speaker 2 Jordan. Is he texting you dick pics too?

Speaker 4 No, but there was like a leaked photo of him.

Speaker 3 And there was his face on it?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Ah, bullshit. I don't buy it.
I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all.
All right, let's go get a smasher pass. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's go older, like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Marlon Brando.

Speaker 2 Marlon Brando. Godfather.
Smash.

Speaker 2 Wow. I knew.

Speaker 2 All right. Cocaine involved.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks.
Oh, hell no. That's pass.
Okay. That's a pass.
All right.

Speaker 3 You don't like likability.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Likeability is a great.
You can do without it, Bob. Okay, you can do it without it.
Samuel Jackson. Dog pass.

Speaker 2 Too loud. Tom Hardy.

Speaker 2 Who the fuck is Tom?

Speaker 3 Mad Max.

Speaker 2 Definitely Pass, and I don't even know who he is. Right there.

Speaker 3 You don't know Tom Hardy.

Speaker 2 That's a smash, isn't it? That's a smash, dude. You're changing your little opinions?

Speaker 3 That's a universal smash.

Speaker 2 That's 100% a smash. There's no doubt about it.
I don't ever hear ladies talking about it. That's a deep smash.
You don't hear ladies talking about him?

Speaker 2 Every pussy on Earth gets wet every time a picture goes up about this guy.

Speaker 3 Oscar Isaac.

Speaker 2 Who is Oscar Isaac? No, he doesn't. This guy.

Speaker 3 You know what? He's a family.

Speaker 2 Right there. That's him right there.
Oscar Isaac. Who the fuck is that guy?

Speaker 3 He's in fucking Star Wars, the new one.

Speaker 2 He's Poole. Poi.
What's his name? Look at his body. What's his name? Poor Poi.
Pol Pot. Pol Pot.
Pol Pot. You know, Star Wars.
You know what this is turning into?

Speaker 2 It's actually turning into who you two guys will smash. That's what the fuck is going on.
First of all,

Speaker 2 we've been pretty open about who we were smashing.

Speaker 3 Also, Doc, because you spend all night, right,

Speaker 3 watching alien video,

Speaker 2 murder, drinking wine, right?

Speaker 3 You don't know what the fuck is going on in the world. Those two guys that we just fucking mentioned are the hugest stars on planet Earth.

Speaker 2 So famous.

Speaker 3 So famous.

Speaker 2 All right, let's get back to people that you might know. All right, let's be, yeah, yeah.
Morgan Freeman.

Speaker 3 Yeah, let's get weird. Good voice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll go with that. You'd go.
Smash.

Speaker 3 I have to say the fucking ass.

Speaker 2 Oh, Smash. Smash.
Yeah, yeah. Let's go.
Let's go.

Speaker 3 Let's go Asian, maybe.

Speaker 2 Bruce Lee. Ooh.

Speaker 2 Smash. Oh.

Speaker 2 I saw.

Speaker 2 But also, I know the.

Speaker 2 Which one? Jackie Chan. Paris.
Yeah, I knew it. Yeah, I knew it.
Yeah, I knew how to do that. He's not too goofy.
Too goofy. Too likable.
Too wonky.

Speaker 2 Philosophy. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. Ken Jong.
Ken Jong.

Speaker 2 The actor from Hangover? Yeah. Oh, fuck.
No.

Speaker 2 Really? Wow. Bobby Lee.
Hell no. Definitely pass on that shit.

Speaker 3 That's rude. Andrew Santino.

Speaker 2 We did with Asians. We're going Asians.

Speaker 2 We were going on the Asian ones. Oh, we are? Okay.

Speaker 3 Let's go Asians.

Speaker 3 Do you know Daniel D. Kim?

Speaker 2 No, this is going to. He's never going to know.
Let's get back to other real actors. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. He's never going to know other actors that are.

Speaker 2 He'll know super, super famous whites.

Speaker 3 Before 1995.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we got to go back. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 How about Bradley Cooper? That's like one on borderline.

Speaker 2 So not a borderline guy.

Speaker 2 You see Smash for me?

Speaker 2 Of course. Smash for me.
Have you seen Deadpool?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've seen Reynolds. Or Ryan Reynolds.
Same guy. Ryan Reynolds.
Ryan Reynolds.

Speaker 2 Smash. Yeah.
Yeah. No, Smash for Me.
Smash for Me. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Well, how about any of the Chris's? Hensworth, Pine, Hensworth, Pratt.

Speaker 2 Okay, I can understand. It's a smash on all of you.
Yeah, for you, that's all smash on. Pratt, Pine, Hensworth.
Hensworth, smash, the other two pairs.

Speaker 2 You know why I did this game, right? Why? So we can have another super cut of you just saying smash her past the famous guys.

Speaker 2 Will you pull up this? I saw the Billboard Awards and

Speaker 2 Megan the Stallion.

Speaker 2 What was very funny to me is on the internet the next morning,

Speaker 2 people were all up in arms because she was basically fucking butt-ass naked. And let me tell you something.

Speaker 3 Let me see. Amazing.
So sexy.

Speaker 2 Was that her? Was that that? No. Maybe it was a live performance.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Zoom.

Speaker 2 People were upset about this for some reason. Or people were talking about it on the internet.
Why? Looked great. Yeah, I'm not upset about it.
I think she might have stripped down a little bit.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Andrew Life.

Speaker 3 At one hand, you have beautiful women like that.

Speaker 2 And the other hand, we have us.

Speaker 3 No, not even just us. You have people are born with Harlequin ichiosis.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like in life, you know what harlequin itchiosis?

Speaker 2 We brought it up on the show more times than I think.

Speaker 3 Oh, I love tits like that, the kiwi fruit type.

Speaker 2 Yes, that's what that is.

Speaker 3 I love kiwis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Man, they're like, I don't like, let me talk about breasts.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about the kind of tits you like. Yeah, I'll tell you.

Speaker 3 You know what I don't like?

Speaker 2 Barely be co.

Speaker 3 Here's what I don't like. I don't like it when there's no border.

Speaker 2 What are you talking? When the nipples just blend into the boot?

Speaker 3 When it blends in, and I don't know the beginning or the end of it. it's almost timeless.
I don't like it. It's like forever.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? It's an infinite tip.

Speaker 3 It's an infinite breast, right? I like a border on it. Like, I want to know where Ukraine and Russia is.

Speaker 2 Like, I just want to know where

Speaker 2 the line is. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Yeah. What kind of breasts do you like?

Speaker 2 I like one where the nipples are misplaced. I like a high nipple and a low lipple.
That's cool, too. Yeah, because they're looking different ways.

Speaker 3 It's like a Muppet. Yeah.
It's like a Muppet eye.

Speaker 2 Where they place the eyes on purpose. Like googly eyes.
Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2 Why don't you even pay attention? Like, I'll just. You just close your eyes.
What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 But But Nipples is beautiful on women, period. I don't even.
It is a comedy show. I don't really.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. I got six.

Speaker 2 I don't know what else to tell you other than this is we're just making shit up for fun. How about bumpy? Do you like bumpy? Love.

Speaker 3 I like bumpy. Yeah, give me a bumpy road.
Yeah, yeah. You like a bumpy road?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 What about this? If the bumpy road had hairs on it, nah.

Speaker 2 Love it. Love it.

Speaker 3 Love it. Smash?

Speaker 2 Smash nipples. Smash, hairy nipples.
Smash. Smash.
No,

Speaker 2 no, no.

Speaker 3 What about this, Harry Vadge?

Speaker 2 Love it.

Speaker 3 You do? Give me that. What about the hairs inside the tube?

Speaker 2 That's how my porn is.

Speaker 3 What about the hairs inside of the tube? Just a couple.

Speaker 2 Inside? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Just a couple. Like four or five.

Speaker 2 No big dude. Okay.
You soft, bro. Let me tell you something.
You did get hung up on tits, like, as if you don't like to look at them or something. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Y'all were saying like deformities or whatever. No, not deformities.

Speaker 2 No, you just got weird about boobs for some reason. Oh, yeah.
Because I just was like, I just thought y'all just was like, it's a bad thing, man. Don't come at us about weird stuff.

Speaker 2 He's talking about teeth. By the way,

Speaker 2 you're the one that tells us you don't want any girls anymore ever again. No, I never said that.
Yes, you did. I've never said no.
You said, I ain't fucking with girls. I'm fucking my career.

Speaker 2 No, that's not what I said. I just said I'm just chilling.
I'm insane. I affect with them.
Same shit. I said, I'm chilling.
I'm just chilling. Means I'm not changing with them.

Speaker 2 No, chilling just means I'm not actively just pursuing all of them and trying to fuck and be okay. Someone came onto you.

Speaker 3 At the live show, we brought this up last show that you weren't here, right? At the live show, that girl walked up and said, Remember, she goes, What kind of girls are you?

Speaker 2 What kind of girls do you like?

Speaker 3 This and that, right? She was obviously hitting on you, yeah, and you didn't read that.

Speaker 2 That's your answer, right there. Oh, he didn't

Speaker 2 gotta be honest with me. What the fuck y'all want me to go? She was hot.
Was she, Bobby? You're on a new level of beggars, can't be cheese.

Speaker 2 This is crazy, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's not that she was attractive, but the problem is that she might have been your style, but you pretend like.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, but you can't just jump on every hot woman you see. Are girls throwing themselves at you a lot? Andrew?

Speaker 2 You get pussy thrown at you constantly. Yes.
Andrew, it's a good thing. I've always had women that always.

Speaker 3 You're a starving child in Darfur.

Speaker 2 This is California.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Here's a regular piece of steak. No, man.

Speaker 2 I want Boa. I want Boa.
I want fuck.

Speaker 2 If it's not Waigu, I'm not insecure. I don't eat Ruth Chris.
You know what it is? What? This guy wants me to be insecure like him. I'm not you, Boba.
Oh, wow. You're insecure.
You're taking shit.

Speaker 2 And then you're trying to throw your little shit on me. Wait, I'm insecure.

Speaker 2 You try to wave that shit. I like it.
Over here. I like when he does this.

Speaker 3 I love when he comes to me and attacks me for no fucking reason at all.

Speaker 2 It's not no.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 You join up with your buddy. Okay.
Doc,

Speaker 3 let's be honest here, okay?

Speaker 3 How long have you known me?

Speaker 2 For 30 years. Since 2001.
You was the first person, pulled me out. 20 years.
So 20.

Speaker 3 Over 20 years. 2010.
Right. You've known me, right? Right.

Speaker 3 You've seen me with girlfriends, right?

Speaker 2 Okay. Have you?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 3 Long-term girlfriends. And I've also brought girls over to the club, right?

Speaker 2 I've never

Speaker 2 have seen you

Speaker 2 with

Speaker 2 any

Speaker 3 woman. There it is.

Speaker 2 Here's where I'm going to tell you.

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee's a goddamn liar. Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. Here we go.
In the OR bar. I introduced you to one there.

Speaker 2 Walked in with two women. You were standing at the bar, and I said, this is is Bobby Lee from Mad TV.
And then she was like, Oh, hi, this and that. And then I introduced you to two.
When?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Well, you're on Mad TV.
It had been 20 years ago.

Speaker 2 20 years ago? You was on Mad TV. Yeah.
It wasn't 20 years ago. Oh, my God.
I remember. No, no, you weren't on Mad TV.
No, no, no, no, no. You weren't.
20 fucking years ago. Oh,

Speaker 2 no, no, no, no, no Thursday, right?

Speaker 2 It was after that. It was after that.
Yes, it was. It might have been like 2009, 2000.
So I didn't remember. I don't remember.

Speaker 2 But the point is, you've been introduced to, like, you just, you're in your own goddamn world. Bobby,

Speaker 2 world.

Speaker 2 That's you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying? So he's brought a lot of women around. You just don't know.
Not a lot. I see.

Speaker 3 I never saw.

Speaker 3 And next time I should.

Speaker 3 You know what? You're right. Let's do this.

Speaker 2 Let's do this. Let's do this.
I want you guys to go on a double date. The same two women I brought up there, right? Yeah.
Which one of them I was pursuing. Now,

Speaker 2 the same two Francisco Ramos met him. And just ask Francisco.
He remember? He'll tell you, oh, yeah. I remember because I told San Francisco, hey, get on this one.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to try to, I'm getting on this one right here. And so that was that.

Speaker 2 That's Francisco. By the way, this is

Speaker 2 Fancy's competition.

Speaker 3 Bobie Lee. Hi, Francisco.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's up, buddy?

Speaker 3 What's up? So I'm on my podcast with Andrew Santino. It's called Bad Friends.
You know that I'm on it, right?

Speaker 2 Yes, I know.

Speaker 3 And Doc Willis is on the show. We're getting a little argument.
And your name came up. And I just...
What is the question you wanted to ask Francisco, Doc?

Speaker 2 About the time when the girls that I introduced you to, and I asked him to get on one of the girls. Let me ask you this.

Speaker 3 Let me ask you this, Francisco. Have you ever seen Doc Willis with a woman?

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much. Thank you so much for being on.
And I will see you at the school this week.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 I love you. Okay.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 B-Spoke Post. Okay, baby.

Speaker 3 Baby, I love when you give me Beespuck because I love boxes with some of the gifts.

Speaker 2 My little gift.

Speaker 3 The Box of Awesome is amazing.

Speaker 2 It is. It's incredible.
Box of Awesome is incredible. If you don't know what it is, you have to go online.
You take this quiz at boxofawesome.com. It's not a quiz.

Speaker 2 It's really, there is no wrong answers. Your answers are going to help them pick the right box of awesome that fits you.

Speaker 2 They release new boxes, by the way, every month across a ton of different categories.

Speaker 3 This is literally the best gift you can get for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christian Day.

Speaker 2 Brother's Day, Sister's Day, Neighbor's Day,

Speaker 2 Christmas,

Speaker 2 Buddy Day.

Speaker 2 Right. Buddy Day.
I gave it to you for Buddy Day.

Speaker 3 Which box do you love?

Speaker 2 Hawker.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you do. Yeah, because I love

Speaker 3 using the traditional blacksmithing methods used in Thai Burmaware. This knife is forged, ground stamped, and finished by hand exactly the way it would have been over 100 years ago.

Speaker 3 Over 100 years ago. And I got a hawker for Kajula because she loved it.

Speaker 2 You did. She loves knives.
Bob, you know I got the cask box because I'm a big drinker, and each barrel is handcrafted from American White Oak, which has been charred to create a smokier cocktail. And

Speaker 2 I love the cast setup because I had also gotten earlier from a Box of Awesome a decanter with two whiskey glasses.

Speaker 3 Each box is valued at around $70, but you only pay a fraction of that price. Plus, with each Box of Awesome, you're supporting small business.
Love that.

Speaker 3 90% of everything that comes in your Box of Awesome is from a small, up-and-coming brand.

Speaker 2 It's free to sign up, Bob, and you can skip a month or cancel at any time. No punishment.
They're not going to yell at you.

Speaker 2 Get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code bad friends at checkout. That's that's boxofawesome.com.
Code BADFRIENDS.

Speaker 2 In support of Doc right now, I want to end all this between you two. Okay, okay.
Smash this, smash the beef.

Speaker 2 In support of Doc, ladies and gentlemen at home, if you yourself have had experiences with aliens in any semblance, you've been touched by an alien, you've been talked to by an alien, I want you to email us so we can have you communicate with Doc because Doc is going to be our resident alien coordinator, and we're going to have fans call in, give their stories.

Speaker 2 So if you have a story, a real one, not no shit, like a real experience, because we want Doc to see if we can keep this going. Uh, it's gonna be called

Speaker 2 I Got Touched by an Alien at gmail.com. Okay, I got touched by an alien at gmail.com.
You don't have to have been touched by an alien, but you have to have an alien experience.

Speaker 2 But that's the email, and we want to hear about it because

Speaker 2 Doc wants more proof.

Speaker 3 Are you guys watching Raised by Wolves

Speaker 4 on HBO? I saw that.

Speaker 3 How many episodes?

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 4 I think I'm in season two.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, I did did six episodes so far. It's pretty good.
Oh, dude. Sci-fi, you'd love it.

Speaker 2 Raised by Wolves. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've got something to, I watched the most heart-wrenching documentary

Speaker 2 about a guy.

Speaker 2 I think it's in the preview, so I'm not really giving much away. Okay.
But it's about a fertility doctor who impregnates

Speaker 2 the whole city.

Speaker 2 What? These women go in thinking that they are going to have their husband's sperm artificially inseminated into them.

Speaker 2 But really, this guy's thrown away the dad jizz and he's coming inside of the cup instead. The doctor.
What?

Speaker 2 Doesn't sound that shocking.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? I mean,

Speaker 3 if they were getting it from the tap, that's one thing.

Speaker 2 From the tap?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he is. Is there a jizz tap out there?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 Like, if he was having sex with the wit, then...

Speaker 2 He's jerking off in his office, making them wait in the waiting room, and then he's filling them with his.

Speaker 3 This is just lazy, but it's like...

Speaker 2 Wait, what? No, stop. What is this conversation with?

Speaker 2 Wait, what you're saying is this.

Speaker 3 Let me ask you. Maybe I got it wrong.

Speaker 2 I think you did.

Speaker 3 All right, let me try to explain to see what you're talking about. Please, please.
And then maybe we can get back on the same page.

Speaker 2 I'd love to. All right.

Speaker 3 I thought you said that he was

Speaker 3 because they're getting sperm from donors, right?

Speaker 2 No, it's supposed to be, it's supposed to be their husband. Most of these are supposed to be their husband, right? So they implant it

Speaker 2 at the right time. Sometimes it was donors.
It's okay.

Speaker 3 Sometimes donors, sometimes not, right?

Speaker 3 And, you know, is he, is this doctor mentally

Speaker 3 all there? No, is he, is there something wrong with him? He's a doctor. He must be smart.

Speaker 2 He went to school. Right.
Right?

Speaker 3 Right. Good jeans.
Good jeans.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 3 And probably a moral man, maybe.

Speaker 2 What? Well, not by.

Speaker 3 Okay. Okay, stop.
Stop. Let me just explain.

Speaker 2 Okay. Let him try to dig out of this.

Speaker 2 I'm in a hole right now. Right.
He's far down. And I'm down, but I'm climbing up.
You're climbing up. Right.
Come back out the way.

Speaker 3 So, yeah, I see the opening. All right.

Speaker 2 We're way out there. I know, but I still see it.
Okay.

Speaker 3 It's like a dot of light. It's a dot of light.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But I

Speaker 2 can't.

Speaker 3 So he probably thinks I have good genes.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 He probably looks at society and goes, God, it's just our society is breaking down. It's all right.
I know my moral standpoint. I know my ethics and this and that.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And I just think that most people should be like me.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 So let's just mix my shit in with everyone with the females. Right.
I'm not having sex.

Speaker 2 It's not rape.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 It's not rape.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah i mean i'm gonna disagree i'm gonna let's agree to disagree

Speaker 2 yeah yeah yeah and let's he did this to 94 people he has 94 illegitimate children he didn't do this once well they all know who who their dad is they know who their dad is that's good and that's important that's important and that's important right and number two um i just didn't think you would side with the doctor on this one

Speaker 2 i just for some reason

Speaker 2 i understand that maybe i'm wrong yeah but i like you're for the sake of the show yeah i love what we're doing right i have to play devil's advocate you must yeah I'm trying to figure out if I still believe this.

Speaker 2 I think you might. I might too.

Speaker 3 Right. So you think it's

Speaker 3 fucked up? Yeah. But I don't know if it's like, you know what I mean? Documentary fucked up.

Speaker 2 Sure, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, no, no, I agree.

Speaker 3 Like, capturing the Friedmans is documentary fucked up.

Speaker 2 Yes. Do you see that? Yes.
It's a great one. Right, but I'm classic.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I'm on the side of the capturer. Fucking man.

Speaker 3 Anyway, how do you feel about it?

Speaker 2 Shit, I don't feel this.

Speaker 2 It's evil.

Speaker 3 It is evil. It's terrible.

Speaker 2 But you know what? You know the worst part. It's sperm raping in a sense.
It's sperm raping, right? Spaybook.

Speaker 2 You know what the worst part of all of it was? They started to kind of get a hint over who he was impregnating. Yeah.
It was, so they make blonde, blonde, blue eyes.

Speaker 2 I mean, it was on some like...

Speaker 3 Is he handsome, the doctor?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 3 No. Oh, that sucks.

Speaker 2 No, but he was on some, like, he was on some Aryan creepy shit. Like, all he wanted was blonde hair, blue-eyed kids.
Is he old? Huh?

Speaker 4 Is he old?

Speaker 2 He got old, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he grew old. Human makes it old.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we get old. We all get older.

Speaker 3 What about this one?

Speaker 2 During the documentary, I think he was probably a 40-year-old man when he was doing all this stuff.

Speaker 3 Does he have to pay Alamoni?

Speaker 2 He doesn't have to pay Alimoni.

Speaker 2 He doesn't have to pay Ali any money.

Speaker 2 Because, no,

Speaker 2 he actually got found not guilty of all these crimes. What? Wow.
I'm giving away the documentary. Spoiler, but it doesn't really matter.
But genuinely, he didn't have to pay anybody for anything.

Speaker 2 He's gotten away pretty much scot-free. Actually, I'm sorry, $500 was the fine I think he paid.

Speaker 3 That's steep.

Speaker 2 It's a little heavy.

Speaker 2 It's a little steep. It's not nothing.
$250. It's not nothing.
$250 is good. You know, there was a guy that was begging off the side of the freeway, and I had a $100 bill in my pocket.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And a piece of me thought, well,

Speaker 2 I can't give this guy $100. $100 bill is a lot of money.
Yeah. $20 is generous.
If I had $20, it's like, that's a nice gener. But $100.
I've done $100. I've done it once, maybe.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But I just, and I had it in my pocket. And, you know, when he's approaching, that time clock is ticking down of like, should I do it? Should I not do it? Should I do it? Should I not do it?

Speaker 2 And as soon as he got there, I just

Speaker 2 rolled up the window. Yeah, I just couldn't do it.
And his fingers got stuck in the fucking window. Sir?

Speaker 2 Yeah, is that Kilroy? Yeah. I thought about it, but I really was like, isn't that too much money? $100 is a lot of money.
Too much money.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I was listening to a Dis American Life.

Speaker 2 What would you give? What's a generous amount you would give? I would give.

Speaker 2 You know what, to be honest with you, I gave $100

Speaker 2 before.

Speaker 2 What was it on this American Life?

Speaker 2 It's all right.

Speaker 2 That's right. It's right.
It's all right. No, no, no.
What was it? An Ira Glasses show that I love very much.

Speaker 2 That's right. No, tell it.
Okay.

Speaker 3 No, because the windows are closed, I think. Wide open.
It is?

Speaker 2 Threw it up.

Speaker 3 No, I think I interrupted your bit.

Speaker 2 Did not. Okay.

Speaker 3 You given $100?

Speaker 2 No, no, he bombed the bit. So let's go back to it.

Speaker 2 Didn't go anywhere. It hit a brick wall over there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, man, that's too generous.
I was like, how much have you given? He's like, $100.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, that would have been work, too.
Yeah, no, it did work. You killed it.

Speaker 2 What happened on This American Life?

Speaker 3 It's not interesting.

Speaker 2 I'll try. Make it interesting.

Speaker 2 Add an accent or a butthole.

Speaker 2 I'll give it.

Speaker 3 I was just trying to hit a kick, but I was listening to a classic This Is American Life about, you know, babies, you know, two babies were born. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 They switched the parents by accident, the kids by accident.

Speaker 2 Oh, right. Right.

Speaker 3 But one of the mothers knew that right away that it wasn't her baby, but she didn't say anything.

Speaker 3 And she waited until she was 50.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? And then, you know what I mean? But she knew all along, like, she would go to the same church.

Speaker 3 as the other girl, like his, her real biological church, and try to get in their lives.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 So she could know her daughter, but never said anything.

Speaker 2 Just say something.

Speaker 3 I know. Like, I would have said something, but her dad, her husband was like, she'd get angry or whatever, you know what I mean? So it's like, so he just gave up.
He gave up.

Speaker 3 But then they found out later, and it, you know, it ruined these people's lives forever. I think one of them had two sets of parents, and then one of them was kind of like weirded out by it.

Speaker 3 Like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 well, it's uncomfortable. That's super uncomfortable.
Somebody, your parents have lied to you your whole life about something that you never. Yeah.
And why wouldn't they just say something?

Speaker 3 Like, one of the girls was like blonde, but all the other kids were like black.

Speaker 3 They're like, I think they're like kind of loose and taffy.

Speaker 2 Taffy boys when they ran in detroit taffy boys but she's like a blonde area and she's like cheerleading and they're like you know they're all scientists you know what i mean well you're into this creating a perfect race we've talked about this you think eugenics is right and if you could make the perfect race a person what would they what would they be

Speaker 3 like tiger woods that's the perfect person the perfect

Speaker 3 yeah uh asian and black asian blood there's a little white in there no i don't think so i think tiger woods is a little white in there or no no his dad is black his mom is asian kabla what's a kabbla part?

Speaker 3 Kabbalah.

Speaker 2 Oh, Tiger Woods describes himself as Kabbalah and Asian. By the way, this is also 1997.
It's a long time.

Speaker 3 Okay, a person mixed consisting of Caucasian, black, and Asian. So there is Caucasian.
There is white in there, though. That's what I'm saying.
It's like, I like,

Speaker 2 that's why he's good at it.

Speaker 2 There's no Mexican. There's no Mexican in there.
One-fourth black, one-fourth Thai, one-fourth Chinese, one-eighth white, and one-eighth Indian.

Speaker 2 So the one-eighth means his one of his parents' parents was half. Ah.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.
That's a long way to go. Yeah.
Everyone's trying to just grab onto some of that white.

Speaker 3 But don't you think, like, 300 years from now, everyone's going to look like Tiger Woods?

Speaker 2 I think in 300 years, we're all be dead.

Speaker 2 I think no one will be around anymore.

Speaker 3 It'll just be robots?

Speaker 2 I just think it'll be the end of society within the next 100 years. I think we're done.

Speaker 3 Yeah. But I was talking to Lex Friedman.

Speaker 2 We'll all be in NFT.

Speaker 3 You know Lex Friedman? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I know who he is. Lex Friedman? What?

Speaker 2 You know Lex? Yeah. Oh.
Don't get him started. He loves Lex.
Yeah, let's go.

Speaker 2 Go what?

Speaker 2 We didn't talk about science. Oh, okay.
We're talking about pussy and stuff. I mean, but it's Lex.

Speaker 3 But Lex was, I was having a conversation with Lex, and he was like, he believes that,

Speaker 3 you know, he's very monotone. I believe that in the next 15 years, there will be consciousness.
Computers will have consciousness. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 That's what I mean.

Speaker 3 I think at that point, they call it the singularity.

Speaker 2 Singularity, yeah.

Speaker 3 Right. And I think at that point,

Speaker 2 we're fucked. We die.

Speaker 3 I don't think we'll die. I think there will eventually be coexistence and then a war and then we'll die.

Speaker 2 We've already done these movies. I mean, we've already had these films.

Speaker 2 They've been predicting this for a long time.

Speaker 3 I mean, if machines, obviously, if they have consciousness, they're going to realize that they're

Speaker 3 superior.

Speaker 2 Then they are.

Speaker 3 They are, right?

Speaker 3 And then they're going to realize that we're not.

Speaker 2 Well, that's the same thing Elon was talking about, right? AI taking off. Isn't that wild that a black guy calls it Elon instead of Elon?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what Elon was talking about. Elon just sounds like the cool version.
Hey, Elon. Elon.
Elon. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Elon. Yeah.
Elon. But he was saying the same thing, though, right? That AR was going to take over and fucking kill.
Yeah, and it's going to. We're all going to be dead.

Speaker 2 Rudy's excited as fuck for all this.

Speaker 5 I'd want to fuck a robot.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 That I like. Probably a white one, too.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 This will be a brown robot.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She would fuck that. She'd break it.
She'd fuck the Harry Styles robot so much it would break. Yeah, and we'd have to get it fixed.
It's like, please, Rudy, no more. Please, Rudy, no more.

Speaker 2 Short-circuiting.

Speaker 3 And then I have to put it in a fucking box, send it to fucking Thailand or whatever, get it fixed, and come bring it back.

Speaker 2 What about y'all? Have y'all like fucked the pillow or anything like that? What? Have y'all ever fucked the pillow or something like that? All right, man.

Speaker 2 This is

Speaker 2 fucking good. I'm just asking, man, we're going to be talking about it.
Can awry. Or call it a pillow.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? What do you mean if I fuck a pillow? Fuck a pillow. You know, when you're a kid, you know, you stick your dick between the couch pillows and fuck the couch.
Never, never.

Speaker 2 I've never done that. I know that.

Speaker 2 You know why?

Speaker 3 My head sleeps on them.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. You fucking, you fucking couch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I think I hit a couple pillows a couple times when I was a kid. So wait a minute.
Did you put your dick in the sleeve of that? Yeah, when you fucking, when you like 10, 11, you're like, ah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But what am I? But do you not?

Speaker 2 I think I have. I don't remember.
Do you know you? That was when I was younger. You remember.

Speaker 2 But this is the truth.

Speaker 3 My dad yelled at me once. Because I don't know if you know this, but when I was born,

Speaker 3 my parents had a wig store.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we talked about that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. And so, you know, my nursery was, there was a thousand like broken mannequin heads just stacked up in this like room, and my crib was in that room.
Psychotic, right?

Speaker 3 So it's just a bunch of like heads looking down with like eyes missing.

Speaker 2 And right? And I'm just like a kid going, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 I want to be a sketch comic.

Speaker 3 Or whatever. But I remember, so then my parents sold the wig store to my uncle and they opened Fashion Gal.
Fashion Gal. Yeah.
And

Speaker 3 we had a storage thing upstairs in one of the stores, and all the mannequin vagina parts were broken.

Speaker 2 From

Speaker 2 I don't know. You do.
I don't know. Was that pop-up?

Speaker 2 Huck up!

Speaker 3 My dad goes, no.

Speaker 3 My brother and I.

Speaker 2 Could be my brother and I, but why hole in the mannequin in the vagina part?

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 You don't know.

Speaker 2 Were you doing that? Were you poking holes and fucking it?

Speaker 3 I think we were just poking holes in it. I don't think we're fucking.
It's like hard, like, you know what I mean, it's not like a smooth.

Speaker 2 I would not be surprised if you did some shit like that.

Speaker 3 No, but we would break open.

Speaker 2 I mean, your brother's the one that told me that he, like,

Speaker 2 home, he makes homemade jack-off things. Pringles, yeah, I do.
Pringle can. I do too.
You do?

Speaker 2 I have, yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't just jerk up with your hand? Dude, the Pringles philosophy is so the right thing. It's like

Speaker 2 what do we mean? Pringles can, and he uses that. He makes basically like a fucking

Speaker 2 Pringles can. But it couldn't fit in your pocket.
It's a Pringles can. It'd have to be like a bag

Speaker 2 to go bag pussy. Just asking for

Speaker 2 scientific research.

Speaker 2 It works really well.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I just never understood that. Making a device to jerk off.
It took so long, you could have come by then already to make the device.

Speaker 3 But it's like foreplay.

Speaker 2 Making it? Yeah. Oh, you get turned on when you make it?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like you get excited.

Speaker 2 Oh, I guess I understand that now. Yeah, yeah.
I don't want any foreplay.

Speaker 3 Okay, you strike.

Speaker 2 See the show. Strike concert.
Let me ask you a little bit. Strike concert fast.

Speaker 3 You don't see the opening act?

Speaker 2 Never. Okay.
Go for the headliner. I mean, wow.

Speaker 3 I feel bad for the opening act, so I go early.

Speaker 2 Like

Speaker 2 4 p.m.

Speaker 3 Sadistic. Shows at 9, I'm still at 4.

Speaker 2 Shows at 9 p.m., I'm there at 10.15.

Speaker 2 That's why I know the headliner is about to come on.

Speaker 3 You've never bought an apparatus at a porn store?

Speaker 2 Never. Never.
Never. I got given one time.
I got given from Fleshlight. I think.
Yeah, they gave me one. But other than that, I used it one time.
Comedy store?

Speaker 2 They gave it to me when I was in Austin at South by Southwest. They were sponsoring it years ago.
But I used it one time.

Speaker 3 You did use it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I tried it, but I just got over it really fast.

Speaker 3 Freddie Lockhart.

Speaker 3 You know, Freddie Lockhart? Of course. Yeah.

Speaker 3 This motherfucker, he goes, yo, man, you got to try. You got to microwave the oil.

Speaker 2 The lube? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I go, I got to microwave the oil.

Speaker 3 Because I have the oil that has the heat sensitive. No, you got to microwave it.

Speaker 2 No. Yeah.
And I go, all right.

Speaker 3 So this is when I was single. I microwaved it.
And literally, I had third-degree burns.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 3 when you microwave it, it gets

Speaker 3 not only hot, it becomes more like water. So when you stick it on your dick, it pours out.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 3 So I was like, yeah, microwave, poured it in there.

Speaker 2 I'm like, okay, here we go.

Speaker 2 It was like, it was that fucking painful.

Speaker 2 It was terrible. And so then after that, you should have never used sex toys ever again.

Speaker 3 That's why I go Pringles. Yeah, Pringles.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. You can control control it.
Well, would you buy

Speaker 2 the butt?

Speaker 2 Like the, you know, the

Speaker 2 whole plastic. What is the butt? What do you mean? You know, the one, the plastic, like that, like with no body, but just the like the buttons and the holes.

Speaker 3 You thought about buying that?

Speaker 2 No, I didn't think about it. I just had a question.

Speaker 2 Don't do that. Don't, Doc, don't do that.
He's going to do it. No, no.
I mean, if y'all was going to buy it, maybe it'd be like a.

Speaker 2 If we were buying it, we'd buy it.

Speaker 3 I've thought about buying it. Here's the problem with the butt, though.

Speaker 2 Where do you hide it? Yeah,

Speaker 2 under the bed.

Speaker 3 You put it in your fucking bowling.

Speaker 2 If you're single, you're fine. But then what do you do with it? Put it in your luggage?

Speaker 2 Even when you're single, fucking die, and then they come and fuck that shit. Let me ask you this.
Yeah, that's.

Speaker 3 If we bought you a butt.

Speaker 2 Oh, hell no.

Speaker 3 Just stop, stop.

Speaker 3 Stop the fucking games, man.

Speaker 3 Stop the fucking defensiveness, dude.

Speaker 2 Let us buy you a butt.

Speaker 3 Let us buy you a butt.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 3 If we bought you a butt, would you throw it away?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll throw it away.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't use it once.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 3 No, for what? Let's get a butt, dude.

Speaker 2 Let's get him a butt.

Speaker 3 And not just a butt, dude. Let's go high grade on it.

Speaker 2 From Adam and Eve, right? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, with the realistic.

Speaker 2 So find him a tush.

Speaker 3 Find him a tush. And the vagina and the butthole, the whole thing.
Do you care and apparatus?

Speaker 2 Do you care what color it is? No. But I wouldn't want it.

Speaker 2 I told you he wanted. There was.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's what I'm saying.
White or black?

Speaker 3 Like that, you mean? Shit.

Speaker 2 Oh, I know her. That's not a butt.
That's not a button. I actually know her.
She's friends. That's not a butt.
That's a vagina. I'm friends with her.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You won't try it once. No.
For the show. For the show.
No. For the show.

Speaker 2 And give us a review. Look at how small it is.
That's out on the go. That's a hand.
That's a small one.

Speaker 2 Hold on, hold on. Why it got to be me? Why can't it be you two?

Speaker 3 Get three.

Speaker 2 Get three.

Speaker 2 Get a hand. So we can do like a review.

Speaker 2 Let's do a review.

Speaker 2 Let's do a fucking review. All right.
We'll do it. But I don't want.
I don't want to. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 What color do you want? Timeout. First of all, no, no, no.
Give me that one. Let me see that.
Stop it. No, no.
That's what I want. You guys, no, stop.
Surprise us. We all get surprised.

Speaker 2 No one gets to choose what they get. That's the fun.
All right. Because we have to bring it in, and then we have to swap it.
And then we have to trade. Can we trade?

Speaker 2 Like, if I got the black one and you got a yellow one, it's one and done. Right, right.
Could I go? You want the black one? No. Can we trade? It's one and done.
It's one and done. Straight up.

Speaker 3 I don't want that one because the butthole doesn't look like it's

Speaker 2 Bobby. You don't get to choose.

Speaker 3 Let me just say the laziness of the design.

Speaker 2 Look, it's just a drill.

Speaker 3 Let's concentrate the vagina, make it realistic.

Speaker 2 It's not even a chess hole. What? It's not attractive.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the butt part. Yeah,

Speaker 2 the whole thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the whole thing's still kind of nice. It looked like you put that on top of a birthday cake or maybe a wedding or something like that.
Happy birthday, Timmy.

Speaker 2 I'm seven.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. All right, pick three of those butthole things, guys.
Yeah. We'll get them.
All right.

Speaker 2 Doc, give your, to your camera, give your alien pitch, and then sign us off. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, make sure y'all watch the Aerial Phenomenon video coming out May 20th about the black extraterrestrials because it gets real. You know what what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 And thank you for watching Bad Friends. No.

Speaker 2 No. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
Thank you for being a goddamn bad friend.

Speaker 3 We always talk about the same things. These either buttholes, murder, right?

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Some sort of racial thing,

Speaker 3 alien. It's always the same themes, right?

Speaker 3 And what I want to, I want to grow outside of that.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Let's expand.

Speaker 3 So let's do do this, okay?

Speaker 2 Andres.

Speaker 2 Right? Yes.

Speaker 3 You throw out just a random topic. We can never, we can't go to buttholes, Asian accents, okay.
Anything that we've ever done, right?

Speaker 3 And it's got to be something that's so far away from what we normally talk about. But we're going to try to stay in topic and let's try this as an exercise.

Speaker 2 All right, Andres, go ahead. Okay, let's talk about architecture.
I got this. Can I do this? Frank Rolay, right? I have this.
Frank Relaury, right? I can talk about this. Go ahead.
Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, Oh, look into my butthole.

Speaker 2 I built this building that looked like a butthole.

Speaker 2 Look, and then but it kind of looks like a space portal too.

Speaker 2 Like built on the Mars.