Smash or Pass?

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Imagine if Fleetwood Mac was performing and then they all had Led Zeppelin shirts on.
Yeah. Cool Tiger Belly shirt.
Here, here, let me do this. It's still on the shirt.
Get it off't get angry You deserve it I don't want to touch it I'll do it It is assault That's assault Hi Rudy Welcome back from Hawaii Please don't wear your headphones Please don't participate on the show She's got socks on, no shoes No, she's got her slides on I love it because I watch court cases on YouTube No, just like a snippet, like court cam And I love it when they spit in the judge's face Oh yeah, yeah. They go.
And the judge always has that reaction. They always have that reaction.
They can't believe what it is. Take him away.
Take him away. Lock him up.
Six months. Seven years.
That's a bold thing to spit in the judge's face. Would you do that? Black dude can't be black.
Why? The judge? You guys don't know how to spit? We get like 100 years for just spitting gum at a judge. Oh, right, right.

You're right. It's usually

a white dude. Yeah, it's always.
Here you go.

What is this? Let's see this guy

spitting on a judge, man. Yeah.

A&E, they do good ones. Yeah, that's it.

This dude. I like this dude.

Bass Webb. Bass Webb, dude.

That's not a white guy.

His name was Hunter Fisher. Hey, ma'am, I'm Hunter Fisher.
What is it? Do it again. Yeah, she couldn't believe it.
She blinks. Hell yeah.
The moment of... Charge him.
Charge him. Didn't hit her.
By the way, how dramatic. Didn't hit her in the face.
Hit her on the far right shoulder. Show it again.
She got a little residual. Show it again.
It missed her by a mile. dramatic didn't hit her in the face hit her on the far right shoulder

show it again

she got a little residual

show it again

and missed her by a mile

Bass Webb

I'm on Bass Webb's team here

oh you are?

I'm team Bass Webb

let's see the spit

boom

right shoulder

wait wait

like I just said

I'm on the judges team

I'll tell you why

right

you have one opportunity

to spit in the judges face

you don't get the face

yeah you hit the shoulder

it's so embarrassing

you know what

if it was Asian

it would be right between the eyes

yeah

like it's a fucking blow gun

I'm sorry. in the judge's face.
You don't get the face. Yeah, you hit the shoulder.
It's so embarrassing. If he was Asian, it would be right between the eyes.
Yeah, like it's a fucking blow gun. You know, you see that ninja shit, right? Yeah, yeah.
What would a black guy do? They put pucus in. This is it.
You would have spit. Right in the middle of the eye.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, God bless this old gong.
It's been a long time since we've hit the gong. God bless gong yeah best web shout out best web wherever you are locked up incarcerated life in prison is he in you think he's no he is because he because all the charges i watch the court cam all the time why are you watching so much court cam are you feeling like you might be charged for something no i don't feel like i'm being charged but i just it makes me feel better when i know i'm not incarcerated you wouldn't last an hour in prison oh I would no way one hour you'd last one hour you'd be peeled to shreds they'd peel your little tushy apart oh yeah see 30 minutes in 30 minutes I would Rudy how long would Tito Bobby last in prison I think he would get buttfucked five times.
Right away. Yeah.
Welcome to jail. But voluntarily.
Right? As soon as I walk in the cell, my asshole is bent over and it's out and open. And then somebody's going to tattoo open for business.
Right above the asshole, open for business.

24-7. 24-7.

They bring my meals.

I'm bent over the whole time.

They just bring my meals.

And in front of me, I eat like this.

I shit like this.

But they just butt fuck me between fucking shits.

But guess what, dude?

You can hear the hum of a-

My face, no bruise on it at all.

Nobody's punching you.

No one's punching me, dude.

My ribs aren't broken.

Right?

And at night, I can read.

What if he's in an S&M and he'd just be like-

Thank you. No one's punching me, dude.
My ribs aren't broken. Right?

And at night, I can read.

What if he's in an S&M and he'd just be like fucking good?

What do you mean?

You know what I mean?

Because he's just like beating and choking you.

Was that a way to get some COVID cough out?

How many times have you had COVID now?

Did you test negative before you came back into the studio?

I didn't even test, dog.

What are we doing?

So this is what happened.

No, no.

Bro.

So calm down.

You'll get...

You'll stick your case.

Why won't...

But my question is this, all right?

God, it's so...

If you're still infected and you just stroll on into this place and not tell anybody, why? You have COVID right now, dog? No, I don't have it no more. But you had it when? I got it last week.
The week be like back in last Saturday. So you have an internal test.
They said after five days, you're good. Yeah.
Wait a minute. You got it set.
So Saturday that just happened two days ago, no. Not this Saturday.
Yeah, the Saturday before. I guess that 10 days is good.
10 days is good. Is it good? I don't know.
At this point. I mean, it's too late now.
I guess we got it. I guess we got it again.
Got it again. But I ain't got no coffee.
I ain't even have a coffee. Oh, really? Yeah, just like a head.
Dude, we hear it. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You don't sound healthy.
I don't? No. How many times have you had it now? Four.
Three or four. Are you trying to beat the record? No, I mean, everybody, when you work in a grocery store, everybody gets it.
That's good to know. Where our food is.
Everybody handling your food. They got it.
You don't wear the mask at the grocery store? Yeah. So how'd you get it? You still get it, though.
How did you think you got it, then? I got it from- You're so scared. I know.
I know. I think I got it from, you know what? I think I was eating at Whole Foods, but I forgot to wash my hands.
And I said to myself, I'm going to get sick. And I got sick.
Time out. Stop.
What do you mean you were eating and you didn't watch it? You were eating with your hands? Were you eating like a fucking Ethiopian meal? No, no. So I took a break, a 15-minute break.
Yeah. And normally I go and wash my hands and then go give me something to eat.
But I forgot. So I went, grabbed the all the stuff before i know that doesn't check out yeah something's missing nothing's missing what's missing as simple as that fucking just fucked up are you back to prostitutes again and you're that's how you got it you fucking liar it's not from eating a 15 minute lunch break let me ask you this though um could you have gotten it outside.
Because you don't wear a mask. You're not vaxxed.
I'm not vaxxed. Yeah, you're not boost, nothing.
But don't forget, everybody primarily that works for Amazon is vaxxed. I'm just one of the few that's not.
Because Amazon actually paid for people, so people got boosted. Do they know that you didn't get it? Yeah, they know.
Because they got a little thing I can show you later, but it's like you can give them an update and they'll put it on your badge that this person is vaccinated. Right.
So most people are vaccinated. So all the people that's been getting sick is people that's vaccinated.
And me. Yeah.
Yeah, but you more. I don't know.
You've gotten it four times. Yeah, probably.
No, literally like that. Does that feel good? No, I don't feel that bad.
It feels like I'm so used to being sick, though. Like, that's a running joke with me and Hart from the Comedy Store.
Yeah. The bartender.
He's like, God damn, you always get sick. Because even when I called him when I first got COVID, he's like, you sure? Because you always fucking sick.
I said, yeah, that's true. But I've got COVID.
And he's like, all right, well, I don't know if I should believe you. So it's like one of them things.
I don't know anyone that's gotten sick more than twice. I've only had it once.
How many times have you had it? Once. But you're the only guy I know that's gotten it more than twice.
More than three times. No, no, I got it in 2020.
I got it in 2021. Oh, you're trying to do it every year.
That's good. No.
Oh, I get it. I like it.
That's good. So 2024, you're going to get it too? No, 20.
Hey, man, when Trump got elected, I'm getting it again and again and again. Well, here's the thing.
For 2021, I didn't have a cold or get COVID the whole year, all the way to January. You're probably upset.
I thought I was invisible. Yeah, I thought I was invisible.
I'm like, hell yeah, I'm fucking out of here. Wait, wait, wait.
You had it twice and you thought you were invisible? No, I had it once. Oh, once.
So I got it once in 2020, right? Yeah. Then all through last year, I didn't get anything.
And then I got sick this February. So actually, i got it three times so then i just got it this time y'all made that up the fucking extra yeah y'all ain't shit man doc what i think he had it four times i had it three times you've had it twice on this show exactly so this is my third time four he started the math ain't that enough he just ain't getting it is he all right raise your hand if you vote Has he had it four times Raise your hand Oh that's what I'm doing I think the a's have it I recall you've had it four times I feel like for sure Yeah for sure you've had four The amount of times Andres is like Doc is sick with COVID I mean I feel like I hear that That echoes in my mind Six times you said that No y'all only heard it twice.
All right. Rudy Jules, tell us about Hawaii.

Go ahead and give us what happened in Hawaii.

I drank some beer, but I didn't go to a strip club.

Okay.

What night did you drink beer on?

Saturday.

With who?

Atika Lila, Atika Winda, all of them.

And then I caught four fishes.

Four fish.

But I didn't get to eat them because I was tired of cooking.

And I just slept.

Man, you're a party animal.

What an animal.

You're a party animal, bud.

Did you meet up with any boys out there?

There was this one guy, but then.

Your dick?

No.

Because he was sending too much dick pics. Oh, my God.
Can we see them? Why? No, because on Instagram, you can have an option to just put it five seconds, and then it's gone. Tell him to send one right now.
No. No.
Why? No. We could show it on the show.
How funny would that be if we put up dick pics? A show. show wait a minute how many dick did you ask for dick pics no he just he just sends them every morning okay time out here's a rule here's a rule of thumb to every man listening every man out there do not ever send a fucking dick pic unless it is requested or talked.

No girl wants to see your fucking dick

unless they've asked to see your dick.

It's the weirdest thing to be like,

morning.

No one's ever asked to see my dick.

Ever.

That's not true.

I've asked to see your dick.

No, I mean, you're a woman.

Oh, sorry.

No one's ever asked me to send a fucking dick pic. Well, yeah, because they know.
They already know what it looks like. Why? Because you look like your dick.
Your dick looks like you. Have you ever been asked for your dick pic? Yeah, but only by women.
I'm like, only by girls I've ever dated. Not by like...
But even the girls I've dated never send me your dick. I I know because you don't have a cool dick bud have you ever been requested for your dick he doesn't have a camera phone no you know what though but honestly this idea that a guy's gonna send a rogue dick pic is crazy to me.

Have you ever said a rogue dick pic?

No.

Do you respond?

Do you say no?

At first, I was like, I don't need it.

I don't need it.

That's a funny response.

But then he kept sending it every morning, and so I just don't talk to him anymore.

But he was cute. This guy sucks.

He sucks.

Is it nice?

Yeah.

That's why I need to keep sending it, I guess. That's what all the young kids do all the young kids they just send dick pics like fucking viruses bro they just put their put their throwing out on their dicks out there so people are getting them three four times like rona to tell you this shit is real andrew is it hard every time yeah see i send limp dick pics when i put it out to the world i want it soft i say work on

this that's what i send in the dick pic work on it i want it real soft sometimes i'll pull it hard tuck it in my asshole so the balls are poking out to the side the googly eyes you've never done man i got doc good man that feels good but imagine imagine honestly think about this yeah If Doc sent you a dick pic, how hard would you laugh?

I quit the show.

Yeah, I would go into convulsions.

I would be laughing so hard.

What's up, Tino?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get it in, Tino.

Yeah.

Was he white?

No.

What is he?

He's Filipino. She doesn't like white.
You know that. Well.
Uh-oh. No, I don't like whites.
Yeah, well. I don't like whites.
Let's be honest here. I don't like whites.
But have you point whites? Maybe. Yeah.
More than any other race? No. Let's get one clean take of you looking in that camera and saying, I don't like whites.
Go ahead. I don't like whites.
Great. Great.
We just need to log some of this stuff in for the future. Liar.
You already hooked up with a white. Three.
Yeah, because I want... Three whites.
Two. Two.
Three. Two.
Two. All right, but it's three three but we'll go two Yeah

So other than that Hawaii was okay

Other than the unsolicited dick pics

Yeah it was fine

I'm going to Hawaii in two weeks

I'm so excited and I hope I get some dick pics

To all my little Hawaiian boys out there

I hope I get a good old fat dick pic

From the big island

What about butthole pics? Do people get that?

If you have a good butthole Do you have a nice butthole? I think my butthole is pristine. Would you send it out? Yeah.
You would? But I don't think that's a thing, so I don't want to be the first dude to do it. You and I should do an OnlyFans where it's just only our butthole.
Butthole pics. I would be down to do that.
Right. I'd even stick fun things in it, just for fun.
Not big things, but things like what uh matchbox matchbox cars car baby carrots like coming out like a i know what a matchbox car the batmobile and sticking out of my butthole like it's the bat cave yeah yeah that's cool and i don't know and just you know me make a little james bond what do you think is that james? Is that James Bond? Yeah, that's the fucking music. That makes you angry? Yeah.
Because I used the wrong fucking sound? Don't fuck up a butthole exit with James Bond music. Yeah, yeah.
What's the Batman music? Do you know? Wait, wait, the original Batman. I'm going to try to figure it out.
Don't, don't, don't. You're so close.

Yeah.

So close. It's so weird how far

you are, but so close.

That was the Asian version.

I don't know. I don't know.

You're not in karaoke, Bobby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do it.
You do the Batman.

That's it. You're both kind karaoke, Bobby.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you do it.
You do the Batman. That's it.

You're both kind of off.

Yeah, what is it?

Batman.

I was pretty close.

Close.

Batman.

Well, you just copied what I just did.

I know.

Spider-Man.

Spider-Man.

Spider-Man.

Sing the web in the night

Got you right

Oh oh

Here comes a spider guy

Did you say shrink the web in the night?

Yeah

Shrink the web in the night

Here comes a spider man

It's alright

Can you do any of the Star Wars theme songs.

What a great song.

The Imperial March.

Incredible.

Do you not know what that is?

I know that song from Star Wars.

You've never seen any of them?

I saw one. Which one? The one seen any of them.
I saw one.

Which one?

The one that you made me... I forgot what...

Part 4?

Part 4.

What happened in it?

Princess

Layla?

Yeah, Layla.

Yeah, that's good.

I can't believe you got that, Layla.

I think she died.

Princess Layla.

She dies?

Princess Layla dies?

I think...

Thank you. Layla? Yeah, Layla.
Yeah, Layla. Yeah, that's good.
I can't believe you got that, Layla. I think she died.
Princess Layla. Layla? She dies? Princess Layla dies? I think.
You think? How? And then the planet exploded. No, she saw the planet exploded.
I think that's her home. I think.
Yeah. We got to pick this episode up a little bit.
It's really falling down the hill. Doc, do you have any crazy conspiracy theories about space that we haven't talked about yeah oh what is this hell yeah so this is what we got here oh that's where

i go is that dr carlson wait what was this a dr carlson article yeah okay this is what i call

uh whose fucking ufos are they because you said you didn't believe extraterrestrials coming here

time out first of all don't fucking gaslight me about extraterrestrials i believe in them

Thank you. UFOs are they? Because you said you didn't believe extraterrestrials coming here.
Time out. First of all, don't fucking gaslight me about extraterrestrials.
I believe in them. I believe they've come here.
I don't believe they've stuck around. I don't believe they're still here.
But I do believe I got all my news source from Tucker Carlson. All right, so that's where we're on the same page here, baby.
Oh, yeah, that feels good. Do you like him? No, I just like the fact that he's trying to cover this.
Oh, he's trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know he likes this. Let's hear what they got to say.
Let's see what Tucker Carlson, the truth teller, has to say. What's up with Jews right away? Tom Rogan came out with a theory as to why they've been lying.
And it's worth hearing. Tom Rogan joins us tonight.

Tom, thanks so much for coming.

One of the things you hear is, well, maybe these objects are Russian or Chinese,

but your piece points out Russia and China have literally lost aircraft chasing these things.

So they're not Russian or Chinese.

So we have a declassified British government document,

a research document into UFOs that points out a couple of times, actually, that about four Soviet...

Already going to discredit this.

Wait, wait, wait.

British guy? I don't believe British people.

These are the fucking... What the fuck? These guys are ultimate liars.

We didn't do anything wrong historically.

They invented lying. They invented it.

They invented lying and slavery, by the way.

So they're the originals.

Okay.

Let me say, I know what y'all are thinking of. What? Doc, do you have the doc? Doc, do you have the doc? Pull it up on the goddamn screen.
I'm talking about it. Yeah, that's not it.
Yeah. He's got it.
Yeah. Page nine.
Tino, go on ahead and read it for the paper. Is this it? Wait, which one? That's the declassified doc from the British.
So that's National Archives of the UK. What does the X's mean? Yeah, that means the stuff they couldn't leave them.
X's they had to have redacted. Yeah, yeah.
So that was declassified in 2000. So any of this other shit y'all hearing about, the Navy talking about 2004, this shit been popping off.
So go all the way down. Now, to page number nine.
Okay. Those are streetlights.
You know what those X's is? Read it right there at the top. Hold on, doc, just real quick.
Look at me, right? those X lights you know what those x's read it right there at the top oh hold on doc just real quick look at me alright those x's you know what that says what this whole document is bullshit right I'm my name is Leroy I'm 8 I'm writing this yeah you don't know what the fuck the x's mean hey man it's in the National Archives in the UK alright let me see the top I did my homework that did my homework. That's all I was talking about.
I'm out there. Can I say this? Oh, my God.
The word UFO, what does it stand for? Unidentified flying object. That's right.
It can be anything. You understand that, right? It can be of this earth.
It could be. Unidentified flying object means it could be- It could be a kite.
Right. Correct.
Right now- Yeah. It could be.
Or a feather. Or a feather.
Right now, we have the information, even China, saying they're using artificial intelligence in this article here. Right now, today, and they said that the UFOs are increasing in their airspace.
How come they're not coming over here as much? They are. Last night, you know, was the blood moon.
Do you know this? Yeah, I saw it. And it was beautiful, the lunar eclipse.
This is the most clear they said it's ever been in a decade, right? This blood moon. Did you look at the blood moon? Of course you did, you lazy fucking.
And honestly, it did give me glimpses of, oh, this is, we are, you forget, we are on space rock. It is creepy to see other space rocks move around.
You're so used to seeing the moon. You're like, that is kind of fucking crazy to know that that's still happening.
That lunar eclipses stuff. It is.
It gives me a little, I don't know. And I will say, Doc, you know about the caves on Mars.
Do you know? Yeah. Google caves on Mars.
Do you, this just resurfaced. There's a bunch of these holes on Mars now that have just resurfaced.
Look at this. Tell me this doesn't look like a fucking, well, there's a picture down that looks like a door it looks like a doorway okay where do doorway on mars okay no honestly dude look at that look at that fucking photo right there the first biggest one you've seen which one i can't even fuck bobby yeah yeah is that not a fucking door that's definitely been carved yeah have you seen the documentary moonfall moonfall yeah yeah that's a set of moonfall this is on the set? Moonfall.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's a set of Moonfall. This is on the set of Moonfall? Better Help.
Hey, life can be overwhelming, Bob. I know.
Many of us are burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms can include lack of motivation, feeling helpless or trapped, and detachment, fatigue, and more.
Yeah. All right.
Guess what, Andrew? What, bud? You just named all these things, but I am using Better Help, and I'm working through these, processing these things. Because we both have a lot of different things that that that uh hinder us and i gotta tell you better help has helped both of us therapy is great what is better better i'll tell you what better help is it's customized online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat sessions with your therapist so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to that's right you can do uh you can choose to talk to-to-face or you can do it just over the audio, the old school way.
And I got to tell you, as somebody who believes in mental health awareness and people getting help, Bob and I both think it's an important thing that you talk to somebody if you feel like you want to talk to somebody to help yourself. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy.
And I got to tell you, you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. It's a wonderful system that you can utilize from your home, from anywhere you are around the world.
All you need to do is have a computer to log into and get some BetterHelp. Bad Friends listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash badfriends.
That's betterhelp.com slash bad friends. Bring up the doc, doc.
When was the last time a human went to Mars? Never. Never? So when...
Hy-Machette. Hy-Machette, see? Who's Hy-Machette? Oh, shit.
That's the space chief, 30 ex-space chief of Israel who ran this space program. I'll be forgetting, man.
I'm a little buzzing a little bit. And COVID.
I get it. Yeah.
Yeah. But anyway, he's the ex-general and the ex-space chief of Israel for 30 years.
And he said that- He went up there. The United States and Israel was in contact with the Galactic Federation.
Bam! Woo! What else you got to say? That's it. I'm a believer.
Him! Told you. Iza Magalegas.
I am. That's it.
Once you said Iza Magalegas was involved, I'm fucking sold it. There it is right there, Bobby.
Former Israeli space security chief says extraterrestrials exist and Trump knows about it. All right, so let me ask you something.
I'm thinking that's what the pregnancy is. So when you're alone at night at your spot, you're alone.
No, no, no, I'm asking. You're alone at night.
You're a bottle and a half a wine deep. Right? I never get a bottle and a half but go ahead.
Okay, a bottle deep. You've polished a bottle.
I've done that. You're buzzing.
It's two in the morning. What are you Googling? You need a girlfriend.
It flops between Pornhub. You need a girlfriend.
A lot of physics videos. Physics.
See, this. You need a girlfriend.
We got to get you some love. Hey, man.
This is what happens with single dudes your age, alone in a fucking studio. And I watch a lot of.
At two in the morning, you're getting buzzed. There's nothing else to do.
Buy a PlayStation. We gotta buy you something.
This is insane. Well, okay, I watch a lot of murder documentaries.
Yeah, murder docs, Pornhub, and alien shit. That's what fucking lonely dudes do in a condo.
Dude, that's the chemical makeup for a school shooter. You're losing your mind your mind porn hub physics videos a bottle of wine i'm afraid you're gonna shoot up a festival oh my god the guy last night i have to the dude last night i went to the the liquor store near me to just get a bag of chips i wanted some potato chips and i was on my walk home very nice guy but he was listening to a podcast throughout the he does all the time in the in the liquor store in our little like corner store sweet guy it's on blast um start to listen to it as i'm standing there in line i'm like who's it who's the podcast yeah no no i've never heard of it but it's a murder it's a murder one i don't know there's a thousand of them but a guy is basically telling a story about how him and his wife said sexually they need to be as open as they can possibly be so that they're never disappointed in their relationship.
He said, if you want something uncomfortable that makes me uncomfortable, just tell me. If you want to fuck someone, just tell me.
You know what I mean? He was like, before they got married, they said, let's just say everything. So they agreed to this, right? And then obviously, as the podcast says, she agreed to it.
They were fine. And then at some point he found out that she was fucking like a guy down the street and it was like a full-on affair it wasn't like she wasn't cheating on him it was like living with this other guy so that hold on listen so then this is crazy so then so then he goes he says she blew up my whole life she ruined the small business that we took and even though she was the one who cheated on me in the family court, infidelity isn't a part of marriage law.
So it's like, it doesn't come into a play, right? Even though he was like, she's the one that wanted the divorce because she left me for somebody else. He still had to owe her alimony because he had made more money than her.
So he's like, do you know what that feels like to give someone money, even though they were the ones that wanted divorce because they were the ones that left you for somebody else and he was you know breaking it down and as i get to the register i go that story's kind of fucked up and dude did i fuel this guy's fire he goes right it's a clear violation of the 14 fucking amendment dude i mean he was like he wanted to unload he goes and you know what dude and they fucking wonder and they fucking wonder why guys kill their fucking wives. Huh? And they wonder why they kill him.
You know why? This guy lost everything. He's better off just killing her because his life is over.
Her life should be over too. $4.99.
And I was like, okay. Paid for my chips.
And I was like, have a good night. Yeah.
I mean, dude, I didn't know what to say. But also, I was like, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Af afraid that he was going to be like why do you disagree Bobby sorry I didn't see your hand up how long were you in this liquor store 35 minutes you know how much information you just fucking said you're going down every aisle looking at the chili here's what happened there were teenagers in there fucking around and they were buying stuff I went to the beer aisle to go get a single to get a Lucy to a onesie beer that I was gonna crack and walk home with then I decided I shouldn't be drinking beer right now I don't need the extra calories I'm a little pudgy wudgy so I put it back then I went to the chips they didn't have what I wanted I wanted the sour cream and cheddar then I went back to the beer thing I was milling about I was killing a little bit of time for about 40 minutes no this was genuinely 5 minutes 5 minutes okay the guy's story was quick i just told it to you right now in three fucking minutes that's literally what he said okay but as i got up there this liquor store guy was he wanted someone to disagree he wanted me to be like i don't know he was begging for someone but not me i was like you're right dude kill your wife whatever you have to do i don't give... Don't fucking tell me that you're going to do it.
Just do it. Can I tell you what happened to me? Yeah.
Did you kill your wife? No. I was at We Spa.
You know what We Spa is? The Korean spa. Yeah.
With Jean. Mm-hmm.
And Hong. Jean Hong.
And we're walking... You know how...
Have you been to We Spa? Yes, I have. Yeah.
So everyone's wearing the same thing. It's like such a weird utopia in society.

Well, they give it to you.

They give you the clothes, but you wear it, right?

So everyone has this WeSpa shirt, the same khaki pants, and the slippers,

and you're just kind of walking around, right?

And that's what you're wearing.

Everyone's wearing that, right?

And everyone's like laying around or some sort of clay room. You know what I mean? you know what I mean people drinking and eating food it's like so weird right it's very weird and this guy comes up to me he goes you gotta help me man here this is my email this is all my information dude I know who you are man you're Bobby Lee and um dude I'm in trouble and I go what what do you mean music man I'm getting sued because of my music and the copyrights and they're fucking fucking me man so.
So I know you're in show business. You probably have a fucking lawyer and this and that.
I need the fucking help. And he gives me a piece of paper like this.
Right? And I put it on. I go, all right, man.
I'll do it. Are we going to help this guy? No, but what happened was.
What happened? The fucking information. It was in my Wii Spa short.
Oh, no. And I threw it in the fucking hamper.
Yeah, so someone else has to do it. Someone else has to do it.
Poor bastard. But it's like, it was like frantic.
Like he was about to fucking die. You could have saved his life.
I know, but what am I going to do? I don't know about laws. Wait till he hears this.
It's over. It's so crazy what people say.
He said he got sued? I don't even know. And just Kind of like His eyes were fluttering Because it was scary It was like The energy was like The energy I'm doing right now Heavy Is the energy that he had Too erratic Yeah It was just like Hey hey hey guys Hey hey Anyway I know who you are man You're Bobby Lee right This is my fucking paper I am in big trouble trouble, man.
And I know you know lawyers, right?

And all the information had all this email, social media, other court doc.

I don't know what the fuck it was.

Right.

But it's like I'm in my I'm relaxing.

Why was he at the spa?

Well, he wants to relax.

You could tell he needed to.

Yeah.

Yeah. He seems like it was.

He's like, I have all these problems.

Do you not want to go to a spas?

You don't like spas?

No. Why not? It's just Too intimate What? You know what tonight? It says the girl getting dick pics every day Yeah, tonight You know what we're gonna do tonight? Spa? Yeah No Go to the spa You and I are gonna go to the we spa together And do what? What? What do you mean? You take a steam You do a schvitz So what we're gonna do is get a massage okay this is what we're gonna do we go right I pay for you right you go to the women's area I go to the men's you put the outfit on just hear me out dude fucking hear me out and find that piece of paper that this guy gave him let's try to find the paper okay and then you wear the clothes I'll meet you in the third floor that's where the clay the salt this the cold room is all that stuff and we'll have a dinner and we'll lounge around we'll drink drinks we'll steam together do all that stuff won't that be nice i'd better just sleep see it's like i invite her to the thing i know here's the deal dude here can i just be honest with you you're running out you're running you're running low running low you're running low you're You're running out, you're running low.
You're running low. You're running low.
You're running out. You're running around.
You're doing all kinds of running. And the thing is, here's what you're not doing.
You're not connected. You're not.
You're not developing a relationship. And you don't make me feel like we're friends or anything like that.
Or I'm your father or uncle, whatever. We don't do activities together.
And every time you look, that's what watch the Northmen. Shit that you want to do.
I gotta go buy... You wanted to watch it! I had to buy tickets to this fucking white Nordic fucking adventure.
Oh, and you don't like whites, huh? But yeah, you watch the Northmen? Yeah, she begged me to see the Nordic. Only the guy that I like.
Yeah. So you do like whites? You like it.
Because he's like God. Yeah, we're God.
White people are gods. Yeah.
No, only him. Only him.
Duh, duh. Have you ever seen the photos of Jesus all over churches and stuff like that? White.
Very white. Okay.
Very white. Love was a big tennis player.
Big day. You don't like Jason Momoa? I like Jason Momoa.
Everybody likes Jason fucking Momoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why'd you ask her that? Because he likes Jason Momoa. He's handsome, don't you? That's his guy.
I'm not a hater. When I see a handsome dude, I'll be like, yeah.
Oh, this is interesting. So let me ask you something.
Let me throw you some stars, male stars, and you tell me if they're handsome or not. Let's go.
All right. Brad Pitt.
Handsome. No, he was.
He's old. Handsome's not the...
This is going to be too subjective. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The new world in the new phrase of the internet is either smash or pass. Woo I right? Smash or pass? Just in general.
Let's do it. Fuck it.
Yeah, let's do it. So you have to say smash.
You have to smash or pass. Jason Momoa.
Oh, I got a stomachache. Okay, let's go.
All right. Jason Momoa.
Smash. Incredible smash.
Tom. Tom Cruise.
Tom Cruise. Nah, pass.
Michael B. Jordan.
Smash. Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen. Is it the...
Anyway. Don't make it about other people.
This is about you. He has a small dick.
Who has a small dick? Michael B. Jordan.
Is he texting you dick pics too? No, but there was like a leaked photo of him. And there was his face on it? Yeah.
Ah, bullshit. I don't buy it.
I don't buy it. I don't buy it at all.
All right, let's continue with smash or pass. Yeah, yeah.
Let's go older. Like, you know what I mean? Marlon Brando.
Marlon Brando. Godfather.
Smash. Wow.
Wow, I knew. Yeah.
All right. Cocaine involved, yeah.
Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks.
Oh, hell no. That's close.
Okay. It's a pass.
All right. You don't like a likability.
Likability is your out. You can do without it, Bobby.
Okay, you can do without it. Samuel L.
Jackson. Oh, pass.
Too loud. Tom Hardy.
Who the fuck is Tom? Oh. Mad Max.
Definitely pass, because I don't even know who he is. Right there.
You don't know Tom Hardy. That's a smash, isn't it dude you changing your little opinion that's a universal smash that's 100% a smash there's no doubt I'll never hear ladies talking about him that's a deep smash you don't hear ladies talking about him every pussy on earth it gets wet every time a picture goes up about this guy Oscar Isaac who is Oscar Isaac nah he doesn't this guy you know what pull him up pull him up right there that's him right there Oscar Isaac who the fuck is that guy he's in fucking Star Wars the new one he's Paul Poi what's his name look at his body what's his name Paul Poi Pol Pot Pol Pot he's Pol Pot in Star Wars you know what this is turning into it's actually turning into who you two guys will smash that's what the fuck is going on first of all we've been pretty open about who we would smash also Doc because you, because you spent all night, right, watching alien videos.
Drinking wine. Drinking wine, right? You don't know what the fuck is going on in the world.
Those two guys that we just fucking mentioned are the hugest stars on planet Earth. So famous.
So famous. All right, let's get back to people that you might know.
All right, let's be, yeah, yeah. Morgan Freeman.
Yeah, let's get weird.

Good voice.

Smash.

You have to say the fucking word.

Oh, smash.

Yeah, yeah.

Let's go Asian, maybe.

Bruce Lee.

Ooh.

Oh.

I saw.

But also, I know.

Which one? Jackie Chan. Perk.
Yeah, I knew it. Yeah, I knew it.
I knew he was going Chan yeah I knew it I knew it too goofy too likeable too wonka philosophy you know what I'm saying yeah yeah okay Ken Jeong Ken Jeong the actor from Hangover yeah oh fuck no really wow Bobby Lee hell no definitely that's's rude andrew santino we did with asians we're doing asians we were going on the asians oh we are okay let's go let's go asians um do you know daniel de kim no this is gonna he's never gonna let's get back to other real actors oh yeah he's never gonna know other actors that are any not he'll know super super famous whites before like 1995 yeah we gotta go back yeah yeah how about Bradley Cooper that's like one on borderline nah so not a borderline guy yeah yeah smash for me smash for me smash for me have you seen Deadpool yeah I've seen Ryan Reynolds or Ryan Reynolds. Or Ryan Reynolds.
It's the same guy. Ryan Reynolds.
Ryan Reynolds. Pass.
Yeah. No, Smash for me.
Smash for me. Yeah, it's a smash.
How about any of the Chris's? Hemsworth, Pine. Hemsworth.
Pratt. Okay, I can understand Hemsworth.
That's a smash on all of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For you, that's all smash. Pratt, Pine, Hemsworth.
Hemsworth, Smash, the other two pairs. You know why I did this game, right?

Why?

So we can have another super cut of you just saying,

smash her past the famous guys.

Will you pull up this?

I saw the Billboard Awards and Megan Thee Stallion.

What was very funny to me is on the internet the next morning,

people were all up in arms because she was basically fucking butt-ass naked.

And let me tell you something. Let see amazing so sexy was that her was that that no maybe it was a live performance oh yeah yeah zoom people were upset about this for some reason or people were talking about on the internet why it looked great yeah i'm not upset about it i think she might have she might have stripped down.
And your life. Super.
At one hand, you have beautiful women like that. At the other hand, we have us.
No, not even just us. You have people who are born with harlequin itchiosus.
You know what? Like in life. You know what harlequin itchiosus is? We brought it up on the show more times than I think we've ever brought it up.
I love kids like that. The kiwi fruit type.
Yes. That's what that is.
I love kiwis. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're like, I don't like, let me talk about breasts. Let's talk about the kind of tits you like.
Yeah, I'll tell you. You know what I don't like? Barely beak.
Here's what I don't like. I don't like it when there's no border.
What are you talking, when the nipples just blend into the boot? When it blends in and I don't know the beginning or the end of it. It's timeless.
I don't like it. It's like forever.
It's an infinite tip. It's an infinite breast.
I like a border on it. I want to know where Ukraine and Russia is.
I just want to know where the line is. What kind of breast do you like? I like one where the nipples are misplaced.
I like a high nipple and a low nipple. That's cool too.
Yeah, because they're looking different ways. It's like a Muppet.
Yeah. It's like a Muppet.
Where they place the eyes

on purpose.

Like Google the eyes.

I like that.

Why would you even pay attention?

Like I just...

You just close your eyes?

What the fuck are you talking about?

No, no,

but nipples is beautiful

on women, period.

I don't even...

It is a comedy show.

I don't...

Oh, okay.

I got some.

I don't know what else

to tell you

other than this is...

We're just making shit up

for fun.

How about Bumpy? Do you like Bumpy? Love. I like Bumpy too.
Yeah If the bumpy road had hairs on it Love it Smash? Smash hairy nipples What about this hairy badge? Love it What about the hairs inside the tube? That's how my porn is. What if the hairs inside the tube? Just a couple.
Inside? Yeah, yeah. Just a couple.
Like four or five. No big deal.
Okay. You soft, bro.
Let me tell you something. You did get hung up on tits as if you don't like to look at them or something.
No, no, no. Y'all were saying deformities or whatever.
No, not deformities. Oh, my bad.
What the fuck are you talking about? No, you just got weird about boobs for some reason oh yeah because i just was like i just thought y'all just was like it's a bad thing don't come at us about weird stuff he's talking about you by the way you're the one that tells us you don't want any girls anymore ever again no i never said that yes you did i've never said you said i ain't fucking with girls i'm fucking my career no that's not what'm just chilling. I'm just chilling.
I ain't fucking with them. Same shit.
I'm chilling. I'm just chilling means I'm not fucking with them.
No, chilling just means I'm not actively just pursuing all of them and trying to fucking be there. Okay.
Someone came onto you on the company. So at the live show, we brought this up last show that you weren't here, right? At the live show, that girl walked up and said, remember, she goes, what kind of girls do you like? What kind of girls do you like this and that right she was obviously hitting on you yeah and you didn't read that that's your answer right there oh he didn't not her wow you gotta be honest with me what the fuck y'all want me to go she was hot was she bobby you're on a new level of beggars can't be Jesus.
This is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it's not that stupid. She was attractive.
But the problem is... She might have been your style, but you pretend like...
Yeah, but you can't just jump on every hot woman you see. Are girls throwing themselves at you a lot? Yeah.
You get pussy thrown at you constantly. Yes.
Andrew, it's like that. I've always had women women that always like It's like a starving child in Darfur

This is California

You know what I mean

Here's a regular piece of steak

No man I want boa

I want boa

I want fuck

If it's not waigu I'm not eating it

I don't eat Ruth's crisp

You know what it is

What

This guy want me to be insecure like him

I'm not you Bobby

Oh wow

You insecure

You're taking shots

And then you're trying to throw your little shit on me

Wait I'm insecure

You're trying to wave that shit over here

Fuck that

I like when he does this

Go for it

I love it

I love when he

I'm insecure. You're trying to wave that shit over here.

Fuck that. I like when he does this.

Go for it.

I love it.

I love when he comes to me and attacks me for no fucking reason at all.

It's not.

No, no, no, no, no.

What do you say?

You join up with your buddy.

Okay.

Doc, let's be honest here, okay?

How long have you known me?

For?

30 years.

Since 2001.

You was the first person. 20 years.
So over 20 years. 2002.
Right. You've known me, right? Right.
You've seen me with girlfriends, right? Okay. Have you? Yeah.
Okay. Long-term girlfriends.
And I've also brought girls over to the club, right? I've never have seen you. Here it is.
With any. There it is.
Woman. There it is.
Here's where I'm going to tell you. Here it is.
With any.

There it is.

Woman.

There it is.

Here's where I'm going to tell you.

Here it comes. Bobby Lee's a goddamn liar.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Here we go.

In the OR bar, I introduced you to one there.

Walked in with two women.

You were standing at the bar, and I said, this is Bobby Lee from Mad TV.

And then she was like, oh, hi, this and and that and then i introduced you to two when i don't know well you're on mad tv that have been 20 years 20 years ago you was on mad tv yeah it wasn't 20 years ago i remember no no you wasn't on mad tv no no no no you wasn't 20 fucking years ago oh it was was after that. Yes, it was.
It might even be like 2009, 2008. Sorry, I didn't remember.
I don't remember. But the point is, you've been introduced to women.
Like, you just, you're in your own goddamn world. Bobby world.
That's you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I'm saying? He's brought a lot of women around. You just don't.
Not a lot. I see.
I never saw. And next time I should, you know what? Here, let's do this.
Let you guys doing a double date the same two women i brought up there right yeah which one of them i was uh pursuing now the same two Francisco Ramos met him and just ask Francisco he remember he'll tell you oh yeah i remember because i told San Francisco hey get on this one and i'm gonna to, I'm getting on this one right here. And so that was that.

There's Francisco.

By the way, this is Fancy's competition.

Bobby Lee?

Hi, Francisco.

Hey, what's up, buddy?

What's up?

So I'm on my podcast with Andrew Santino.

It's called Bad Friends.

You know that I'm on it, right?

Yes, I know.

And Doc Willis is on the show.

We're getting a little argument.

And your name came up.

And I just... What is the question you wanted to ask Francisco, Doc?

About the time when the girls that I introduced you to.

And I asked him to get on one of the girls.

Let me ask you this, Francisco.

Have you ever seen Doc Willis with a woman?

You know what? No. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much for being on. And I will see you at the store this week.
Okay? I love you. Okay? Thank you.
Bespoke Post. Hey, baby.
Baby, I love when you give me Bespoke because I love boxes with surprises in it. The Box of Awesome is amazing.
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That's boxofawesome.com code badfriends. In support of Doc, right now, I want to end all this between you two, okay? Okay.
Smash this. Smash the beef.
In support of Doc, ladies and gentlemen at home home if you yourself have had experiences with aliens in any semblance you've been touched by an alien you've been talked to by an alien i want you to email us so we can have you communicate with doc because doc is going to be our resident alien coordinator and we're going to have fans call in give their stories so if you have a have a story, a real one, not no shit, like a real experience,

because we want Doc to see if we can keep this going.

It's going to be called I got touched by an alien at gmail.com.

Okay.

I got touched by an alien at gmail.com.

You don't have to have been touched by an alien,

but you have to have an alien experience. But that's the email.

And we want to hear about it because Doc wants more proof.

Are you guys watching Raised by Wolves on hbo i saw that how many episodes like um i think i'm in season two oh yeah i did six episodes so far it's pretty good oh dude sci-fi you'd love it raised by wolves yeah i've got i've got something i watched the most heart-wrenching documentary tell me about a About a guy. I think it's in the preview,

so I'm not really giving much away.

But it's about a fertility doctor

who impregnates the whole city.

What?

These women go in thinking

that they are going to have

their husband's sperm

artificially inseminated into them.

Yeah.

But really, this guy's

throwing away the dad jizz

and he's coming inside of the cup instead.

The doctor.

What? That doesn't sound that shocking what the fuck i mean if he if they were getting it from the tap that's one thing from the tap yeah is there a jizz tap out there no like if he was having sex with the wet he's jerking off in his office making them wait in the waiting room and, and then he's filling them with his sperm. Yeah, he's just lazy, but it's like.
Wait, what? No, stop. What is this conversation with? Wait, what you're saying is this.
Let me ask you. Maybe I got it wrong.
I think you did. All right.
Let me try to explain to see what you're talking about. Please, please.
And then maybe we can get back on the same page. I'd love to.
to all right i thought you said that he was because they're getting sperm from donors right no they're it's supposed to be it's supposed to be their most of these are supposed to be their husband right so they implant it okay at the right time sometimes it was donors it's okay sometimes donors sometimes not right and you know is he is this doctor mentally all there no is he is there something wrong with him he's a doctor he must be smart he went to school right right right good genes good genes right and probably a moral man maybe what well not by okay okay stop stop let me just explain okay let him try to dig out of this i'm in a hole right now right he's far down i'm down but but i'm climbing up you're climbing up right come back out the way yeah i see the opening all right we're way up there i know but i still see it okay it's like a dot of light it's a dot of light yeah but i yeah so he probably thinks i have good genes right he probably looks at society and goes god it's just our society is breaking down it's awry I know my moral standpoint I know my ethics and this and that yeah and I just think that most people should be like me right so let's just mix my shit in with everyone the females right I'm not having sex that rape right it's not rape I yeah yeah and I'm gonna disagree I'm gonna let's agree to disagree yeah yeah and let's he did this to 94 people he has 94 illegitimate children he didn't do this once well they all know who their dad is they know who their dad is that's good and that's important that's important and that's important right and number two I just didn't think you would side with a doctor on this one I just for some reason my reason, my instinct. I understand that.
Maybe I'm wrong. Yeah.
But I like, for the sake of the show, I love what we're doing. Right.
I have to play devil's advocate. You must.
Yeah. I'm trying to figure out if I still believe this.
I think you might. I might too.
Right. So you think it's okay? I think it's fucked up.
Yeah. But I don't know if it's like, you know what I mean? Documentary fucked up.
Sure. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, I agree. Like, capturing the Freedmans is documentary fucked up.
Yes. Do you see that? Yes.
It's a great one. Classic.
Yeah. Yeah.
But I'm on the side of the capturer. Right, right, right, right.
Anyway, how do you feel about it? Shit, I don't feel this issue. It's evil.
It is evil. It's terrible.
But, well, it's... But you know the word...
It's a sperm raping in a sense. It's sperm raping, right.
It's spaping. It's spaping.
And you know what the worst part of all of it was? They started to kind of get a hint over who he was impregnating. Yeah.
It was- So they make blonde blue eyes. I mean, it was on some like- Was he handsome, the doctor? No, no.
That sucks. No, but he was on some Aryan creepy shit.

All he wanted was blonde hair, blue eyed kids.

Is he old?

Huh?

Is he old?

He got old, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, he grew old.

Human makes him old.

Yeah, we get old.

We all get older.

What about this one?

During the documentary, I think he was probably a 40 year old man when he was doing all this stuff.

Does he have to pay a la money?

He doesn't have to pay Ali-money. He doesn't have to pay ali money uh he doesn't have to pay ali any money because no he was he actually got found not guilty of all these what wow i'm giving away the documentary spoiler alert doesn't really matter but uh genuinely he didn't have to pay anybody for anything he's gotten away pretty much scot-free actually i'm sorry five hundred dollars was the fine i think he paid that's steep i was a little heavy it's not it's not nothing 250 it's not 250 is good you know there was a guy that was begging off the side of the freeway and i had a hundred dollar bill in my pocket yeah and a piece of me thought well i can't give this guy a hundred hundred dollar bill is a lot of money yeah20 is generous.
If I had $20, it's like, that's a nice, but $100. I've done $100.
I've done it once, maybe. Yeah, yeah.
But I just, and I had it in my pocket. And, you know, when he's approaching, that time clock is ticking down of like, should I do it? Should I not do it? Should I do it? Should I not do it? And as soon as he got there, I just rolled up the window.
I just couldn't do it. And his fingers got stuck in the fucking window.

Sir?

Yeah, he said, Kilroy?

Yeah.

I thought about it, but I really was like, isn't that too much money?

$100 is a lot of money.

Too much money.

I was listening to This American Life. What would you give?

What's a generous amount you would give?

I would give, you know, to be honest with you, I gave $100 before.

What was it on This American Life? It's all right. I don't believe me.
No, no, no. What was it? An Ira Glass' show that I love very much.
That's all right. No, tell it.
Okay. No, because the windows are closed, I think.
Wide open. It is? Threw it up.
No, I think I interrupted your bit. Did not.
Okay. You give it a hundred bucks? No, no.
He bombed the bit. So let's go back there.
Didn't go anywhere. Hit a brick wall over there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, man, that's too generous.
I was like, how much have you given? He's like, a hundred dollars. All right, well.
Now the bit works. Yeah, no, it did work.
You killed me. What happened on This American on this american life it's not interesting i'll try make it interesting add an accent or a butthole i'll give it i was just trying anything but uh i was listening to a classic this is american live about you know babies you know two babies were born you know i mean they switched the parents kids by accident.
Oh, right. But one of the mothers knew that right away that it wasn't her baby, but she didn't say anything.
Wow. And she waited until she was 50.
You know what I mean? And then, you know what I mean? But she knew all along, like she would go to the same church as the other girl, like her real biological church, and try to get in their lives. she could know her daughter but never say anything just say something i know like i would have said something but her dad her husband was like she'd get angry or whatever you know i mean so it's like so he just gave up he gave up but then they found out later and you know they ruin these people's lives forever i think one of them had two sets of parents and then one of them was kind of like weirded out by like you know i mean like well it's uncut that's super uncomfortable somebody your parents have lied to you your whole life about something that you never yeah and why wouldn't they just say something like one of the girls was like blonde but all the other kids were like black they're like they're like they're like kind of loose and taffy taffy boy boy she's like a blonde aryan girl and she's like cheerleading and they're like you know they're all scientists you know what i mean well you're into this creating a perfect race we've talked about this you think eugenics is right and if you could make the perfect race a person what would they what would they be like tiger woods that's the perfect person the perfect yeah uh asian and black asian black There's a little white in there, no? I don't think so.
I think Tiger Woods is a little white in there, no? No, his dad is black. His mom is Asian.
What's the cobbler part? Cobblica and Asian. Oh, Tiger Woods describes himself as cobbling Asian.
By the way, this is also 1997. Okay, a person mixed consisting of Caucasian, black, and Asian.
So there is Caucasian. There is white in there, though.
That's what I'm saying. That's why he's good at golf.
There's no Mexican in there. One-fourth black, one-fourth Thai, one-fourth Chinese, one-eighth white, and one-eighth Indian.
So the one-eighth means one of his parents' parents was half. Yes.

Yeah.

That's a long way to go.

Yeah.

Everyone's trying to just grab onto some of that wife. But don't you think like 300 years from now,

everyone's going to look like Tiger Woods?

I think in 300 years, we'll all be dead.

I think no one will be around anymore.

Oh, it'll just be robots?

I just think it'll be the end of society

within the next 100 years.

I think we're done.

Yeah, but I was talking to Lex Friedman.

We'll all be an NFT.

You know Lex Friedman? I know who he is. You know Lex he is.
Yeah, yeah. What? You know Lex? Yeah.
Oh. Don't get him started.
He loves Lex. Yeah, let's go, dog.
Go what? We don't talk about science. Oh, okay.
We're talking about policy and stuff. I mean, but it's Lex, don't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Lex, I was having a conversation with Lex and he was like, he believes that, you know, he's very monotone.
I believe that in the next 15 years, there will be consciousness. Computers will have consciousness.
You know what I mean? That's what I mean. I think at that point, they call it the singularity.
Singularity, yeah. Right.
And I think at that point, we're fucked. We die.
I don't think we'll die. I think there will eventually be coexistence and then a war, and then we'll die.
We've already done these movies. I mean, we've already had these films.
They've been predicting this for a long time. I mean, if machines, obviously, if they have consciousness, they're going to realize that they're superior than they are.
They are, right? And then they're going to realize that we're not... Well, that's the same thing Elon was was talking about right? AI taking over.
Isn't that wild

that a black guy calls it Elon instead of Elon?

Yeah. That's what Elon was talking

about. Elon just sounds like the cool

version. Hey Elon.

Elon. Elon.
Yeah. Elon.

Yeah. But he was saying the same thing though right?

That AI was gonna take over and fucking kill.

Yeah and it's gonna we're all gonna be

dead. Rudy's excited as fuck for all this.

I'd wanna fuck a robot. Yeah.
Okay like Probably a white one too No no no no no This'll be a brown robot Yeah Yeah She'd break it She'd fuck the Harry Styles robot so much It would break Yeah And we'd have to get it fixed It's like please Rudy No more Please please no more short circuiting and then i have to put in a fucking box send it to fucking thailand or whatever get it fixed and come bring it back or what about y'all have y'all like fuck the pillow or anything like that what have y'all ever fucked a pillow or something all right man this is this what i'm just asking i'm just asking man we're gonna ride what do you mean what do you mean if i fuck fuck a pillow you know when you're a kid you know you stick your dick between the couch pillows and fuck the couch. asking, man.
We used. Gone awry.
What do you mean if I fucked a pillow? Fuck a pillow. You know, when you're a kid, you know, you stick your dick between the couch pillows and fuck the couch pillow.
Never. Never.
Never done that. I know.
That's it. You know why? My head sleeps on that.
Wait a minute. You fucked the couch? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I hit a couple pillows a couple times when I was a kid. So wait a minute.
Do you put your dick in the sleeve of the couch? Yeah, when you're like 10, 11, you're like, eh, yeah. But do you nut? I think I have.
I don't remember. Do you wash? That was when I was younger.
You remember. But this is a truth.
My dad yelled at me once because I don't know if you know this, but when I was born, my parents had a wig store. Yeah, we talked about that.
Yeah, yeah. And so, you know, my nursery was, there was a thousand like broken mannequin heads just stacked up in this like room and my crib was in that room.
Psychotic. Right? So it's just a bunch of like heads looking down with like eyes missing and right? And I'm just like a kid going, you know what I mean? I want to be a sketch comic.
Or whatever. But I remember, so then my parents sold the wig store to my uncle and they opened Fashion Gal.
Fashion Gal. Yeah.
And we had a storage thing upstairs and one of the stores and all the mannequin vagina parts were broken. From? I don't know.
You do. I don't know.
Was that Papa? I'm like, Huck up! My dad goes, no. My brother and I.
It could be my brother and I. Why a hole in the American in the vajar pot? Right? You don't know.
Were you doing that? Were you poking holes and fucking it? I think we were just poking holes in it. I don't think we were fucking.
It's like hard. You know what I mean? It's not like a smooth thing.
I would not be surprised if you did some shit like that. No, but we would break open.
I mean, your brother's the one that told me that he, like, he makes homemade jack-off things. Pringles, yeah, I do.
Pringle can. I do, too.
You do? What? I have, yeah. You don't just jerk off with your hand? Dude, the Pringles philosophy is so...
Wait. It's like a sock and what? What do we mean?

Pringles can and he uses that.

He makes basically like a fucking... A pocket pussy

out of a Pringles can. But it couldn't fit in your pocket.

It's a Pringles can. It'd have to be like a bag.

You curious? To go bag pussy. Just asking for

scientific research.

It works really well.

Yeah, I just never understood

that. Making a device to jerk off.

It took so long you could have come by then already to make the device. But it's like foreplay.
Making it? Yeah. Oh, you get turned on when you make it? Yeah, it's like you get excited.
Oh, I guess I understand that now. I don't want any foreplay.
Okay, you just like... You want to see the show.
Strike card. Let me ask you, you go to a concert, you don't see the opening act? Never.
Okay. Go for the headline.
Not me. Wow.
I feel bad for the opening act, so I go early. Like 4 p.m.
Sadistic. Shows at 9, I still have 4.
Shows at 9 p.m. I'm there at 10, 15.
So you're- That's what I know. The headliner's about to come on.
You've never bought an apparatus at a porn store? Never. Never.
Never. I got given one time.
I got given from Fleshlight. Oh, Fleshlight.
Yeah, they gave me one. But but other than that i used it one time comedy store i give they gave it to me when i was in austin and at south by southwest they were like sponsoring it years ago yeah but i used it one time you do use it yeah i tried it but i just got over it really fast freddy lockhart you know freddy lockhart of course yeah this motherfucker he goes yo man you gotta try you gotta microwave the oil the lube yeah i go i gotta microwave the oil because it's i have the oil that has the heat sensitive no you gotta microwave it no yeah and i go all right so this is when i was single i microwaved it and literally I had third degree burns because because when you microwave it it gets hot not only hot it becomes more like water so when you when you stick it on your dick it pours out right so I was like yeah microwave poured it in there okay here we go it was that fucking was terrible.
And so then after that, you should have never used sex toys ever again. That's why I go Pringles.
Yeah, Pringles. So you can control it.
Well, would you buy the butt? Like the, you know, the whole plastic butt. What would be the butt? You know, the one, the plastic, like with no body, but just the ass and the holes.
You thought about buying that? No, I didn't think about it. I just had a question.
Yes, you have. Don't do that.
Doc, don't do that. He's doing the thing where he's like, no, no.
I mean, if y'all was going to buy it, maybe it'd be like a... If we were buying it, we'd buy it.
You know, I've thought about buying it. Here's the problem with the butt, though.
Where do you hide it? Yeah, under the bed. You put it in your fucking bowling.
If you're single, you're fine, but then what do you do with it? Put it in your luggage? Even when you're single, fucking die, and then they come and fuck that shit. Let me ask you this.
Yeah, that's sad. If we bought you a butt.
Oh, hell no. Just stop, stop.
Stop the fucking games, man. Stop the fucking defensiveness, dude.
Let us buy you a butt. Let us buy you a butt.
All right. If we bought you a butt, would you throw it away? Yeah, I'd throw it away.
You wouldn't use it once? I wouldn't use it. Come on.
For what? Let's get a butt, dude. Let's get him a butt.
And not just a butt, dude. Let's go high grade on it.
From Adam and Eve, right? Yeah, with the realistic. So find him a tush.
Find him a tush. Vagina and the butthole, the whole thing.
Do you care what color it is? No, but I wouldn't want it. I told you he wants it.
I don't want it. White or black.
Like that, you mean? Oh, I know her. That's not a butt.
I actually know her. She's friends.
That's not a butt. That's a vagina.
I'm friends with her. Yeah.
You won't try it once. No.
For the show. For the show.
No. For the show.
And give us a review. Look at how small it is.
It's on the go. That's a hand.
That's in your hand. Hold on, hold on.
Why it gotta be me? Why it can't be you two? Get three. Get three.
So we can do like a review? Let's do a review. All right.
Let's do a fucking review. All right.
We'll do it. But I don't want...
I don't want to... No, no, no, time out.
What color do you want? Time out. First of all.
No, no, no. Give me that one.
Let me see that one. Stop it.
No, no. That's the one I want.
You guys, no, stop. Surprise us.
We all get surprised. No one gets to choose what they get.
That's the fun. All right.
Because we have to bring it in and then we have to swap it and then we have to trade. Can we trade? Like if I got the black one and you got a yellow one.
It's one and done. Right, right.
Could I go, you want the black one? No. Can we trade? It's one and done.
It's one and done? I don't want that one because the butthole doesn't look like. Bobby, you don't get to choose.
But let me just say the laziness of the design. Look.
Yeah, it's just a drill. Let's concentrate the vagina and make it realistic.
That's not even attractive. Asshole.
What? It's not attractive. Yeah, the butt part.
Yeah, it's the whole thing. Yeah, the whole thing's still kind of nice.
It looks like you put that on top of a birthday cake or maybe a wedding or something like that. Happy birthday, Timmy.
I'm seven. Yeah, yeah.
All right, pick three of those butthole things, guys, and we'll get them. All right, Doc, to your camera, give your alien pitch and then sign us off.
Go ahead.

Okay, well, make sure y'all watch the Aerial Phenomenon video coming out May 20th about the black extraterrestrials because it gets real. You know what I'm saying? And thank you for watching Bad Friends.
No. No, thank you for being a bad friend.
Oh, okay, yeah. Thank you for being a goddamn bad friend.
There it is. We always talk about the same things.
These are the buttholes, murder, right? You know what I mean? Some sort of racial thing. It's always the same themes, right? And I want to grow outside of that.
Let's expand. So let's do this, okay? Andres, right? Yes.
You throw out just a random topic. We can't go to buttholes, Asian accents, anything that we've ever done, right? And it's got to be something that's so far away from what we normally talk about.
But we're going to try to stay in topic. And let's try this as an exercise..
Alright, Andres, go ahead. Okay, let's talk about architecture.

I got this.

Can I do this? Frank Lloyd Wright.

I have this.

Frank Lloyd Wright?

I can talk about this.

Go ahead.

Ready?

Oh, look at my butthole.

I built this building

that looked like a butthole.

But it kind of looks like

a space portal too.

Like built on a moss alright

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