Roasting Madonna’s NFT Bajingo

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Terms and conditions apply. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
A woman born with two vaginas gave birth to twins.

Will you look that up?

Woman born with two vaginas?

A woman in Alaska has two vaginas and gave birth.

But which hole did the baby come out of?

Not the hole that I had sex with.

She does.

Bob.

What?

Let's see this.

Woman.

I was lopsided while pregnant.

Woman feared her two vaginas and cervixes and wombs would leave her childless.

Gives birth naturally.

But I would have taken a prop bet on which vagina the baby would come out of.

But the two vaginas is like a Siamese twin that was underdeveloped, right?

Oh, is that what that is?

She was born with two vaginas, two cervixes. So one of them is an underdeveloped right i oh is that what that is if you have two of it she was born with two vaginas two cervixes so one of them's an underdeveloped siamese twin i oh that so all that's left of her twin is her baby it's her sister's baby she's the aunt all that's left of her twin is her pussy yeah like as like her twin is gone her vagina is the only you know sometimes in india like a kid will be born with two legs And a hand sticking out of their back Dude when you see that Yeah It'll be like a fist out of their face Yeah yeah It's the craziest shit Right I always Whenever I meet them I always shake that out of their hand And I always call it a different name Hey Frank You shake their fist Ted excuse me Frank Yeah This woman was born This is what I'm gonna This is what i want to know yeah when the baby when the baby's coming out it sees two well it doesn't see anything but two vaginas which one does it pick and would that change its life i don't know that i don't know come on dude oh so it's the hole you come out of the tube of destiny exactly tube of destiny the tubes of destiny the whole you.
The hole you come out of very much dictates your complete future. It completely- You think so? I 100% believe it.
Why? Why? Why would that matter? Because there's gotta be some kind of powerful juice magic when you slide out that dictates almost everything. Maybe.
So there's- Look at George. There's two rules.
Right. Came out of the wrong hole.
He definitely came out of the wrong hole. He came out of the butthole.
There was only one choice. What do you mean? But he came out the butthole you're a butthole baby you are 100% a butthole baby yeah and the doctors were like yeah this does look like a butthole baby yeah my question is um when they remove the limbs like you know i mean sometimes this is what i hate about white doctors and in western medicine we don't like white doctors either i know but i don't want a white doctor so in india right a kid will be born with like you know an extension of a siamese twin coming out of their body right and there's always like a doctor in america i'll operate for free you know i mean yeah to get the publicity pro bono yeah but it's like is what does the kid think like don't take off larry he wants his brother there i don't know someone to chat to at night especially when it's like a face when there's a face well the face one is weird yeah yeah these are all these deformities that we shouldn't that is so sad to even we're not making fun of the person I'm not making fun of the person no it's called Lakshitatma yeah what is Lakshitatma zoom in a little bit there George Lakshitatma oh that's a human no that's not a yeah yeah what are you doing man that's Lakshitatma they Yeah.
What is Lakshitatma? Zoom in a little bit there, George. Lakshitatma? Oh, that's a human.
No, that's not a... Yeah, yeah.
What are you doing, man? That's Lakshitatma. They thought she was a god.
Remember this? A goddess? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She had like nine legs.
Can I ask you this? Can you pinch so I can see her? Yeah. God, I wish fucking we had Carlos here.
We need Carlos here. Isn't this insane that you bring this guy in who's been a fucking...
This guy has been a podcast producer how many years 10 12 yeah no let me yeah over seven no no let me make fun of him for a second seven fucking plus years and i said can you pinch and zoom he can't do that do you know we pay him the most of anybody we pay i know we do it's disgusting for the next rest of the year you're switching salaries with fancy he's also a butthole baby so just letole baby. He's a butthole baby.
All right, so here's the deal. This is Lakshmi.
Yeah, I have something to say about her, right? Go ahead. Here's the thing.
I'm going to be very mindful about it. Make sure you just focus on him for this job.
Imagine the cool job she could have as she gets older. Drummer? She's the number one at the sweatshop.
Lakshi made 15 Nikes in 20 minutes. How? She has 38 hands.
But there's another job that she could have. That's amazing, right? Goalkeeper on a soccer team.
Oh my God. Nothing's going by her.
Imagine you're doing a penalty kick and she's with all her arms. You know what I mean? You wouldn't know what direction, right? And in two of the arms, she's doing taxes.
On the other one, she's doing other things. Honestly, she's like Googling something with an iPad mean you wouldn't know what direction right and in two of the arms she's doing taxes on the other one she's doing other things like honestly she's like googling something watch you know about with an iPad I don't know what she's doing right but there's just so many things so do not remove those arms I think you keep them yeah that's a power this says Lakshmi before her 24-hour surgery in 07 so obviously she did get them removed yeah that's it really angered me when that happened but didn't they think she was a goddess because they thought she was compared...
Because what's the god of... Shiva? Shiva.
Shiva has... Yeah.
But that also would be cool. It's just like...
I would turn to my mom or the surgeon and go, please don't remove it because I've just been sitting on an altar eating grapes all day. Right.
They've been feeding me grapes. That's her job.
Now she's just a regular girl. She could her whole life just chilling, eating grapes all day, people worshiping her.
Picking a grape from here. This is very mean, but that image reminds me so heavily of the creature in the Simpsons.
Do you know what I'm talking about? That guy, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The aliens, the aliens. The aliens, the aliens.
Whoa, dude. That's heavy, dude.
No, but that's... It's heavy, dude.
No, no, but no. Whoa, dude.
No, no. Hello.
Yeah, yeah. I just mean...
Are you calling Eastern Indians aliens? No, I'm saying the image of the multiple arms doing things reminds me of the octopus. There's other references.
She reminds me of calamari. That is an octopus.
That's one and the same. That's easier.
We're on the same wavelength. Imagine if calamari looked like her.
Would you eat it? No, no one would eat calamari. Do you like calamari? No, I don't even like it.
I think it's gross. I think we lie to ourselves and we eat it because it's supposed to be like a delicacy almost.
I think calamari sucks. It's a chewy butthole.
It's a chewy butthole. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want a chewy butthole. First of all, we're back to the old school days, I should say, because COVID's once again

got...

Doc is sick for the fifth time with COVID.

Yeah.

Oh, man, they got me one time.

You know what it is?

What?

It's because Doc does all this NASA science stuff on here, and the government's trying

to kill him.

You know that.

That's interesting.

The government is trying to kill him.

That's interesting.

And he would, by the way, who would vouch for that?

He would.

He'd be like, yeah, man, they're coming after me, Drew. Yeah, me drew yeah yeah so he's gone rudy is gone he's not faxed he refuses to i don't know if he's faxed my assumption was that he wasn't that because the way he is the way he talked about it was i don't think he is yeah so we've got fancy sitting in the chair to fill in for both a little black how did the show go how did my show go.
It was amazing actually. What ended up happening, well, the night was great.
My buddy Chris and I met up, had something to eat. And then I went to Theo's show at the Wiltern.
He had two shows. Yeah.
I went and did 15 or no, I did 20 minutes before Theo. Yeah.
And it was awesome. It was me, Lara Bites and Frank Castillo.
Yeah, I like Frank, yeah. And they did great.
I went went up i got a great 20 i did have a have a really fun 20 minutes it was great um gave a hug to theo and then we jetted over to the palace and i had a great time downtown amazing it was amazing to see la come out for la which was hard because i complained the whole time about netflix fucking netflix a thousand shows in one night the same night we performed yeah me and theo down both close to each other fluffy was at the fucking dodger stadium my god mulaney was at the hollywood bowl my god schumer was supposed to be doing a show but she canceled because she got covid amy poehler and tina fey were doing a fucking uh reading a tape like a table read thing together yeah jay fair it was like 40 fucking comics. So I'm thankful for the people that came to my show.
There's millions of people that live in LA though. I know, man, but there's not millions.
They're not all comedy fans. Yeah.
So the comedy fans that came, I'm very appreciative of. But you think like the Fluffy fans were making it just, hey bro.
It was between me and Fluffy. Hey bro, which one you want to go to, bro? Fluffy or? I don't know, dog.
I think between Santino and Ig between santino and iglesias yeah yeah maybe santino way no by the way i did have mostly mexicans there because i asked how many mexicans are there and they went he knows he was he saw how many i mean dude it was like 80 mexican which made me so happy and then there was about 10 chinese asians or chinese i specifically said chinese i said how where are my chinese people at yeah and i heard about 30 people about Korean. I said, where are my Chinese people at? And I heard about 30 people.
About Korean. I said, where are my Korean people at? But they heard that the Chinese were there, so they didn't say a word.
I was in the audience. I didn't clap.
They were nervous. I was like, ah.
Well, because the Chinese were there looking at them. Don't you dare.
Amazing. No, it was really, really fun.
And now I'm almost done, so I'm really glad. That was Saturday.
You know what I did Saturday? I did the main room in front of 10 front of 10 people so that's what I did well why would you do a show on the weekend with the Netflix thing I just did our Netflix show by the way at the our bad friends I should say show it had nothing to do with Netflix what do you mean they just put their name on it they put a box somebody showed up put a box on stage and then left put a Netflix box a guy who builds stuff put a box together throw it up and then left. Put a Netflix box and said Netflix on it.
A guy who builds stuff, put a box together,

throw it up, and then went home.

Netflix had fucking literally nothing to do with it.

And I'm here to tell you,

cancel your Netflix subscription.

Why?

Just cancel it.

No.

Cancel it.

I'm pro Netflix, man.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I am.

Me too.

Let's be pro Netflix.

Let's be pro Netflix.

You guys.

Subscribe. Subscribe to Netflix.
Yeah, please. They need the help.
That was a fun show. They could use a boost, huh? It was a fun show, our show.
Our show was good. The problem was, I have a bone to pick with you.
Can I just say this? Can I fucking pick the bone? Let me just say something. Pick the bone.
My bones are there to be picked bud I'm roadkill you're fucking vulture pick the go ahead vulture but before I do I've just been having a tough week fuck off pick the bone to pick that I've always had with Bobby we've talked about this when we do a show together or when you do your show the Bobby Lee and Friends or when we do Bad Friends Bobby and I should go at the end but instead Bobby goes in the middle of the fucking show in the sweetest of sweet spots they're here to see us you get off and then you bring up two more comics and then I have to close the show. George is nodding because he knows.
It's insane. Yeah, but I asked you, don't close it.
You can go up anywhere you want. No, dude, it's our show.
We should close the show. That's not the worst thing he did.
What was the worst thing I did? You told Doc after the show is over. Oh my God.
To go back and do 30 minutes. You know, he went out and did time.
You know that, right? Yeah, yeah. Doc went out and did like 20 more minutes.
After the show's over. Which was perfect because it got us to be able to escape.
I know, but the poor bastard, he goes out there. Yeah.
He's like, oh man, hey man, bad friends. Come on, bad friends, let's stay.
And people were getting up and they were like, fuck, dude, should I have to, do I have to stay? You know what? You know how like at the end of a movie after the credit roll, somebody has told you that there might be an extra piece of the movie yeah yeah that's what it was it was like a Marvel movie because when I saw Doctor Strange we waited to the very end of the credits and the clip wasn't worth it was it it was not that's how they felt when they saw Doc up there especially the Batman one did you see the clip of that one it's just a question mark stupid stupid so dumb yeah but that's what we did we put a question mark at the end of the credits no no no so we're walking out you guys all left early so you didn't want to get mobbed we're walking out with esther and doc is just getting in the groove yeah and i'm like he was on fire in his head did he get laughs no were you there everybody was confused they were confused yeah yeah they sat down again yeah they had no idea what was going on. Yeah.
I just, I love Doc. A little blood back, blood back, I love him.
He doesn't get it. Well, no, Bob, here's what happened.
He just doesn't get it. I told Andres, the show's over.
You got to get him off stage. So Andres runs up and I'm scared that I'm going to get yelled at by Doc for taking a stage time.
Andres comes out, like, tells Doc, hey, show's over, guys. You can all go home.
And Doc, like, comes out. He's like, thank you.
Bobby told me to do another 30 minutes. I was about to start a big bit.
Hey, guys. Just a week ago.
I'm sorry I live here with Doc, You were joking.

He believed you.

You can't.

He's like a child.

You can't joke with him.

I was kidding around.

Why would I think that he should do that?

Because he believes that kind of stuff.

Yeah.

Little black magic has hope.

Close the show out.

Do as long as you want.

I just think that that's a joke.

No, in his mind, he's like, oh, yeah. You said 30 minutes.

Don't go do 30.

Bob told me to do a half hour.

Yeah, yeah.

But can I just say this, though?

He did great, by the way.

He did great.

But I want to say this, though.

He did five minutes, right, to open the show, right?

Yeah.

I paid him 400 bucks to do the show, right?

Do the 30 minutes.

You want your money's worth?

I kind of do.

Do you know what I mean?

I understand.

Five minutes for $400 is crazy.

It's a little much.

from the Right? Do the 30 minutes. You want your money's worth? I kind of do.
Do you know what I mean? I understand. Five minutes for $400 is crazy.
It's a little much. It's a little much.
It's a little much. Yeah.
But also, we need to get him off of Amazon. His contract is up.
His contract's up. Also, did you also see this? So when we did the question and answers at the end of that show, right? A girl comes up to the thing and she obviously is hitting on Doc.
Yeah. Right? She's just like, so you're saying, so what kind of girls do you like? I mean, and she's kind of going, look at me, right? Yeah, look at my body, see if this is what you like.
I don't know what, what was the response? I don't got no type. Yeah, yeah.
I don't got no type. But that was a clear...
Do you want to fuck me? Do you want to fuck? Yeah. Right? And he did not read it.
No. Because he doesn't want to fuck.

I'm not focusing on these hoes.

Can I just, can I say a theory?

Go ahead. And he can defend himself next time he's here.
Or not.

You know, I just think that

let me just throw this out there.

You know,

do you think that, you know,

if a bunch of your uncles were

slaughtered because they were gay, you know,

from the gay system, right? Awful. Do you think that

is a terrible thing?

And I'll see very traumatized by it all. Yeah.
You know, I think about it all the time. You do.
You think about it daily. You text me about it every day.
I do, I do. And is that hereditary? It is.
There is partial scientific evidence to prove that it might be hereditary. But in my opinion, I would enough people in your family were gay you'd feel left out right you think it's peer pressure you think it's conditioned you might start sucking just to fit in right i mean look at you go to thanksgiving and all your uncles are like and then we went to the manhole and we were fucking in second i love the manhole the manhole is amazing and so they're bragging about it and you're sitting there with your green beans and you don't know how to you know green beans what do you mean green beans no i'm saying you're at thanksgiving dinner what do you mean by it though thanksgiving dinner i said you're sitting oh i didn't hear the thanksgiving part oh i see you're at a holiday dinner and you're fucking everyone's bragging about dick and you might want to throw your hat in the ring right or toss your cock ring in ring in the butthole.
You might want to have a little bit of validity to you and go, you know, I suck a dick too. You know, you want to feel like you fit in.
Family gatherings are tough as it is. Because when the girl was obviously hitting on him on the show.
He had no interest. Yeah.
She was actually very cute. Yeah.
He was eyeing some other dude in the audience. Right behind her.
yeah he's like my type behind you what is this there is no gay gene there is no straight gene okay okay so then it's true and not true at the exact same time right human sexual orientation has a heritable component ah there's a component that you can inherit yeah and we're not like you know i think it's a great thing you know i mean i i'm just like here's what i don't like because of like we know a lot of comics that aren't out sure yes correct and there's like this we suspect yeah i mean well we know but but yeah we know but we can't there's no scientific proof it's not our business it's not our business to tell right But the whole idea that they can't say it because it's a sort of social –

Oh, the – can't there's no scientific proof it's not our business it's not our business to tell right but the whole idea that they can't say it because it's a sort of social oh the business yeah and the business is very it's it's not a good thing i hate that well because the business if you're gay the business says you got to be fucking gay you can't like suck dick and throw a football they don't like that yeah yeah you one or the other to them if they that's why the business is full of shit they're like we want diversity no they don't they want their version they want a gay guy that's like yes queen they don't want they don't want a guy who's like i just like to fucking fuck dudes because i'm gay but i'm also i don't always have to we don't all have to sound like that yeah it's It's like if, um, have you ever seen the show? Um, uh, uh, the other, oh my God, the other two, or I mean, yeah, the other two, it's all, it's fucking awesome. Molly Shannon plays his mom.
Yeah. It's such a good show.
If you haven't seen the show, go watch it. It's on HBO.
Drew plays a struggling actor and him and his sister, Helena York, I think is her name. And their younger brother, this kid Case Walker,

is like-

A huge star.

A huge star.

And they're in the background.

But Drew plays very much a young gay man

who's trying to maneuver through Hollywood

and not get lost in just his sexuality,

where he doesn't want them to just promote him

as just a gay actor. Right.
It's very true to form. i think it's wonderfully written it's beautifully done it's i think sarah schaefer wrote i think uh the writer two writers from snl the head writers from snl wrote it i think sarah schaefer maybe is the writers of it look who wrote it there what does it say writers um oh yeah chris kelly and sarah schaefer right from snl and it's just cleverly done in a way that's like, this is what the industry does.
They take somebody, and if you're gay, they're like, you got to gay it up a little bit. You're right.
And he on the show is like, why can't I just read it as me? And they're like, could you be a little bit more gay? And he plays with that world on the show. Because most gay people that I know aren't flamboyant in that way.
Well, I's some that all yeah but it's just like who cares though and at the same time no i don't care it's just like it's not the stereotype that's on tv is so fucking fake yeah every gay person or every gay man is a yas quain yeah not every guy's like that just like not every guy's a big. Hey, fucking fuck chicks.
There's a lot of guys like you that are very sensitive. What? Soft.
What do you mean? Well, you're not a guy's guy. I'm still a guy guy.
You're not a guy's guy. I got guy all the time.
You're not a guy's guy. I don't shave.
Shave what? Hair. You don't have hair to shave on your face.
I know, but I'm growing it out like a man.

You put that beard.

It just takes a while.

You put that mustache on 15 years ago.

43 years ago.

That was prickly.

No, you're not a guy's guy.

Let's get, because I feel like I am,

but let's talk about that for a second

because I need to explore this.

You're not.

Raise your hand if you think Bobby's a guy's guy.

One for four. Guy guy.
One for four.

Guy guy.

One for four.

What?

One for four.

One for four.

Yeah, but these guys have resentments toward me,

and they have something against me.

These guys are in love with you.

Okay.

So let's prove that I'm a guy guy.

Okay.

What do guy guys do that I don't do?

Sports.

I love sports.

You can't play any of them.

I love ping pong.

Not a sport.

Okay.

I love soccer. I know, but you don't do sports sports you can't play any i love ping pong not a sport okay i love um soccer i know but you don't play it really do you play football sure i've i've kicked a ball around that's not what football is no soccer though american football all right okay so real football i do like sports i like mma a lot okay i watch it all the time so that guy.
No, no. That doesn't make you a guy.
Right. Women like MMA too.
Making you a guy's guy means you're a kind of guy that men feel a masculine vibe from and they want to hang out with. But do you think you're reading my size? That also goes into it.
Right. Most little men are a guy's guy.
So like Doc Doc, is Doc Doc a guy guys guy? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait.
Doc Doc Blackmagic is a guys guy. I'm not.
This is fucking offensive. No, no, no.
Doc is a guys pal, not a guys guy. Right.
Am I guys pal? You're a guys pal. All right.
So he's not a guys guy. He's not a guy guy.
Right. You're a guy pal.
Right. So we're both guys pals.
You are. Is Andreas a guys guy? No.
Right. He's a guys pal.
George is actually a guys guy. George is a guy pal.
Right. So we're both guys pals, right? You are.
Is Andrea a guy's guy? No. No.
Right. He's a guy's pal.
George is actually a guy's guy. George is a guy's guy.
He is. Why? Because he raises chickens? Well, yes.
He's very like, George can camp. He can set up a tent.
George has manly skills that make him a guy's guy. Just because he's not.
You don't have to be into sports to be a guy. George, and George does like sports but george has guy guy things he can do masculine manly bullshit like the other day i bought this um i think i know what you're saying so i went when i was in oklahoma i bought this time out real fast you're a guy's you're a guy's pal he's a guy's pal fancy's a guy's gal oh you're a guy's gal I get it now you understand I understand now

it's very clear to me

guys guys

you definitely are the guys

guy pal

guy gal

guy gal

I mean look at how he said it

that's a guy's gal

yeah

guy gal

or you said it

that's a gal pal

gal pal

fancy as a gal pal

gal pal Starbucks. Pon un toque de primavera en tu taza con el Ice Lavender Matcha.
Que lo disfrutes. Tus Ice Lavender Lattes están listos en Starbucks.
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Yeah. Right? And the only underwear I wear is me undies because they're the most comfortable.
They have the best patterns and designs. The material they use is better than all the underwears I've used.
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So you can bring the beach to your butt without leaving your living room. And I got to tell you, we've been wearing MeUndies and talking about them for years prior to even us getting a sponsor from them on this show.
Yeah. And I love MeUndies and here's why.
When I wash them, they're just as comfortable. Sometimes you wash underwear and it gets frayed and it gets hard and it feels like a towel after you have a beach towel.
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What do you love about MeUndies, Bob? I love it because it's something about the flexibility of the fabric. Like, you know, I used to go and perform and dance around in my underwear, MeUndies underwear, right? And it's the best underwear to just do active things.
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So when I was in Oklahoma, I bought a thing.

I went to this Native American exposition

and I bought like a thing where you put on the wall

and you put your keys on it, right?

And some guy had a-

A dream catcher i think i explained it wrong do you put keys on there that you wish of cars that you had and they're in the back of it there's no like way of like there's no hook or anything right so i just put it slides off. I don't know how to do it, right? Right.
So I looked at George and I go, hey, can you do this for me? And the other day he brought screws and a little thing and he started doing it. Guy's guy.
Yeah. He never hung it up yet.
I didn't want to get in trouble doing something to your wall. So I was hoping you would put a few nails into the wall.
Oh, yeah. I can do that.
By the way, a conscious guy's guy. A conscious guy's guy.
He doesn't want to get in trouble uh doing something to your wall so i was hoping you would uh put a few nails into the wall oh yeah i can do that by the way a conscious guy's guy yeah a conscious guy he doesn't want to fuck shit up he can help you but he doesn't want to ruin it i'll put a hole right in your wall and not think about it okay that's a guy i'm a neanderthal guy's guy i'm not he's advanced yeah i'm just like that's i want to break it and i'll fix it later all right so then you know what i i think toward, you know what I mean? A guy's pal. You're a guy's pal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, guys, guys, pal, guys, gal.
Yeah. Or a gal pal.
Now, having sex, right? Does that affect the way you make love? Absolutely. So do you do this? Like I lock eyes.
You don't lock eyes? I always, well, I don't. What do I do?

Well, no.

No, I can't look into your eyes.

All right.

I'm an eye locker.

You just eye lock.

Yeah.

It's creepy.

Right.

I'm closed eyes most of the time.

Yeah, yeah.

Like when I'm eating her out, we lock, I have, look at me.

How does she, you look, she looks, she's staring right down.

Yeah.

She's always going.

No, no, no.

Stop, stop, stop.

But guys, pals like you are more sensitive lovemakers. That's right.
Yes. Yeah, yeah.
We. I do thigh work.
You do thigh work? George and I are ground and pound. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do thigh work. I do finger four leg lock and I've got you.
Right. Rear naked choke.
Rear naked choke. I'm just.
I'm drilling. Yeah, you're.
Right. You're painting.
And maybe you'll find like an iron ore or something and sometimes you do get something good down there you are painting strokes smooth smooth and soft George and I are jackhammer but can I just say this when he has sex he sings ah you sing he just sings in Spanish when he makes love or a creepier, he does what the Riddler does and he sings Ave Maria. Ave Maria.
And they're just like, and you wear that little green mask that you got at the army surplus store. Right.
By the way, not to step on toes or infringe on people's privacy, i gotta tell you yeah fancy's wife came along this weekend to say hi and i want to say this she is fucking beautiful she is beautiful she you have a stunningly beautiful wife yeah it is really it's and she's sweet and she's smart and she's cool and she's successful and i i keep going why does she fuck fancy and i know that's a cheap joke, but honestly, after this morning, right now, of course she wants to fuck a gal pal. Yeah.
She wants a fucking guy's gal. Yeah.
She wants a gal pal because he's sensitive. He's sweet.
He's loving. He's caring.
He's hardworking. He's intelligent.
Yeah. She wants a guy's pal.
She wants a guy's pal. You want a gal's pal.
No, no, no. She.
Is that what it is? You're a guy's pal. I'm a guy's pal.
wants a guy's pal you want a gal's pal no no she is that what it is you're a guy's pal i'm a guy's she would never fuck you i she wants a guy's gal i get it which is fancy i understand a gal pal i understand can i just say something too i think i saw a clip that really i had to turn it off because it kind of it put a chill down my spine and it made me shiver right in a wrong in the bad way in a bad way negative shiver in negative shiver and what it was and i think i saw it correctly i'm not sure it was at your show were you in the audience yeah yeah yeah was there any point where you stood up faced the audience and did a wave and got like a cheer yes yeah that was the grossest thing are you mad at me no not you it was literally the grossest thing he invited me stop stop stop all right let him let me have it okay it's the grossest thing i had ever witnessed in a live show in my life buddy it's not a bad friends bad friends event. It's his own show.
Number two, right? You're just soaking up love and it makes me so sad for you. Right? Now, how did that feel? Defend yourself, Fance.
I was recording in the event. He was.
He was working the event. And I was actually behind the curtains.
Well, you know, and then Andrew said,

hey, come here, Fancy.

So I just like poked my head.

I don't think you did that.

I don't think you did that.

Why would you do that on your own show?

I went like this.

I went like this.

Fancy, go back.

Go back.

And he goes, come on the stage.

And I said, Fancy, go back.

But back away.

Yeah, yeah.

He goes, I'll come on the stage.

Yeah. away yeah yeah he goes i'll come on this thing yeah also come here look everybody give it up for fancy b the fancy b came along

oh my god get off my stage that's insane they love fancy so much that was that's what i felt

Thank you. Oh my God.
Get off my stage. That's insane.
They love Fancy so much. That's what I felt.
That was him. Yeah.
Because you know what? The power of this show and the fame of the success of this show, which we're very appreciative of for the fans, it's gone to some of these guys' heads. I didn't want to say it out loud, but I believe that's true.
I'll say it. Yeah.
It's definitely gone to fancy's head.

Carlos now?

I mean, he's gotten a little out of control.

Because he's on a couple, right?

He does this sometimes, but he does Trash Tuesday a lot, right? So he's soaking in a lot of little side fame.

Here's how it can avoid it.

That's his vibe, dude.

Let's look at Clark Kent.

Okay.

So if Superman can somehow touch his friends and give them a little bit of his power. Oh, yeah.
Right? Because he doesn't show off to fly. He only does it when there's an emergency.
Oh, the skyscraper is falling. I got to fly up.
Right? You have to save it. But these guys, let's say these guys were Superman's friends.
They would be all day long just kind of going 100 feet off the ground just on the street and just

telling people like look what i got that's what it is you know what i mean look what i can do

they could put a little laser out of their eyes right and burn like i could see this they're

bringing all the neighborhood people out right and putting a fucking like aluminum can on like

you know what i mean you're right and doing it and people going yay right and the canvas they're

doing yeah just pops a little bit it's so fucking sad but can i tell you something what

So, let's go. and doing it and people going yay right and the canvas they're doing yeah it just pops a little bit it's so fucking sad but can i tell you something what who's superman in this whole thing because he's really to blame you it's you what you're superman thank you you're superman yes yeah you are that guy i'm harvey dent oh you're no i don't believe that that i know i know it's a different movie but it's a completely different movie yeah that's that's why i didn't equate i just meant one side of my face is nicer than the other yeah you think there's a do i know you know what i can say you are like harvey dent i think there's a duality yeah and obviously you're a very sweet guy but then you sometimes scream yeah sometimes I lose it

you lose it

and I

you know

that's the Harvey Dent side

I have very

I'm very Dent-esque qualities

I mean that's the

you know

I don't

what's the name of that actor

Aaron

Eckhart

Aaron Eckhart

man I fucking love that guy

he's a great actor

thank you for smoking

that was that right

amazing

god Aaron Brockovich

this guy made a million

fucking hits by the way

look at how many hits he's made

London has fallen

yeah

he did one that was

really bad

Thank you. That was that, right? Amazing movie.
God, Aaron Brockovich. This guy made a million fucking hits, by the way.
He was great in it. Look at how many hits he's made.
London has fallen. Yeah.
He did one that was really bad. I, Frankenstein.
Did he do that? Yeah. Oh, wow.
That is a bad. Fucking terrible.
At least he gets the chance to do big fucking bad movies. I want to do a big bad movie.
I want to be in a huge failure. I want to be in a huge fucking failure.
You do? I think there's something beautiful about that. Yeah, but you stop getting into those situations.
You get a bunch before that, and then you do one big bad one, and then they don't talk to you for a long time, which I think is kind of a beautiful thing. Yeah, who's somebody that had that going? Like a ton of shit went right, and then one thing went wrong? Yeah, but the thing that went wrong was really wrong.
Look at Kim Basinger's career. Kim Basinger was supposed to be the next greatest actress.
Yeah. I have a...
And what movie did she do that... Well, let's see.
I'm just going to find out because she fell deep down the rabbit hole. I know somebody that kind of like had to shift was Halle Berry.
Catwoman. Oh.
That was bad for her. Yeah, that was bad for her.
But she... But she's so cool and beautiful.
She shifted. Now she's in Moonfall yeah she's in moonfall that's good is it better to burn out or to fade away oh wow is it i don't think the same thing no what the fuck wait wait burn out and fade away they're both bad do you not know this song no no.
Better to burn out than to fade away.

My, my.

Ave Maria.

There it is.

Right, so.

Who knows this song?

Do you not know what I'm saying? Neil Young.

I want to know the difference between.

Neil Young.

Neil Young.

I want to know the difference between.

I'm so sorry.

Burning out and fading away.

Burning out.

I'll give you.

Okay, I'll give you a fading away.

Fading away is what?

Would be.

Go ahead, Andres. You want to make an analogy? Who's an actor that's faded away? Like Kim Basinger.
Kim Basinger basically faded away. Who's an actor that burnt out, fancy? Will Smith.
No. No.
I'd go Robert De Niro faded away because he stopped doing like real roles. Yeah, that's true.
That is very fucked. That is so sad and so true because he started doing bad shit like lame shit because he didn't want to have to act anymore right he wanted to do like fucking the the fucker not the fuckers uh rocking bullwinkle when he did that i was like what the fuck is going he faded away now who burnt out but can i just johnny depp johnny depp burnt the fuck out he went out and he's going out in flames i don't think so he'll never come back from this those people both of them are going to be fucking I disagree I'll bet you my bank account neither of them will work again what is work again? they won't be movie stars ever again so what you're saying to me is I'm not going to sit in a theater you're're not going to see Johnny Depp in a blockbuster film.
You'll see him in indie movies maybe. Yeah, yeah.
It's like James Franco. Franco's never going to work again, but he'll work.
Do you know what I mean? They're never going to make him a movie star again. Right.
Because of all that shit. But he is going to do, he'll work, but he'll never be in blockbusters like he used to be.
No. Unless he does an indie movie that becomes a blockbuster.
I know, but I think that- And I love when that happens. But that'll only happen if, but the industry, the indie market is so fickle that I think they wouldn't let it go through.
Do you know what I mean? Nicolas Cage, you know, that's someone who- Nicolas Cage. But he's trying to come back now.
He is coming back. Through the indie round.
That movie helped him. Yeah.
That movie helped him. It's not just that that he did mandy he did a bunch of like um smaller really smaller movies that were really good mandy was so good right so i think that he is coming back he's trying but he but he has a chance to because he hasn't done anything fucking egregious right these other guys are getting clipped so they're doing fucked up shit and then they're like well we can't let you back that's what happens like they he's burning out i i think it's better to fade away than to burn out i think burnout always looks bad yeah the neil young was saying you should burn out he says it's better to burn out than to fade away i don't know if that's true what would you want i want to fade away yeah i want to say goodbye and good night but either way though what does it mean it's like if i burned out right let's suppose i burned out and i burned out with money like you know who's burnt out who but and but it's it's more tragic like britney spears burned out you know what i mean it's like sad and it's weird now and now it's like you know who's about to burn out i sent you that article fucking madonna if she keeps whatever up she's doing she's about to burn out she's gotten weirder and we're fucking like parting with drake and julia fox you're like what are you what madonna reveals fully nude nfts and a shocking 3d model of her vagina yeah that's weird it's just it's just getting in a

weird zone yeah she's been a star for so many decades that's the problem so you got to slowly fade away you don't need this anymore you don't need the money you don't need the attention that's fucking hot as shit that's hot as shit look at that is like that of a tree i see it's growing out of her pussy I was right my dad always pushing against

the resistance of the earth so that I this is beautiful this video by the way

this is so so she's burning out baby so much because the boundaries great my ark solve my branches chop me down

they will never So my branches chop me down.

They will never destroy my essence. There's a genital war screwing.

Nor extinguish my soul.

Can you go?

Whoa, that's a dope loop.

Pause to the vagina part.

It's blurry.

They blurred it on purpose.

Oh, they did? Did you see that loop? How incredible that was? It went back to a flower that turned into a vagina again. Pause to the vagina part.
It's blurry. They blurred it on purpose.
Oh, they did?

Did you see that loop?

How incredible that was?

It went back to a flower that turned into a vagina again.

I'm buying it.

Yeah.

Scroll down.

I'm going to buy this NFT.

I want to buy it.

It's actually a beautiful poem that she wrote to go along with it.

Yeah.

My issue inherently is...

Oh, it's with Beeple.

Who?

Beeple.

Who the fuck is...

He's the biggest NFT guy.

He started as a digital artist that was huge and then jumped in. Well, that video is incredible.
I'm going to give her a lot of props. That was fucking awesome.
Incredible video. I just think sometimes she's...
Oh, now butterflies come out of her puss too? Yeah. See, this is what happens.
If you have a double vagina, a kid comes out of one, a tree grows out of the other one. Yeah.
If you met a girl and she spread her legs and butterflies came out what would you do i'd save some of them i know but would you would i continue on i don't know what could can butterflies hurt your penis i can't imagine they would nibble do they have teeth they are you right i don't know i don't think they do do butterflies have teeth i don't i don't think they do yeah but i think they would just flutter on your maybe it'd add to the vibration Maybe Or one would just Land on the tip Or right just one on the tip just one on the tip butterflies don't have teeth they do have proboscis a proboscis basically an elongated snout that's straightened by hydrostatic pressure allowing them to drink the nectar from the two black flowers they could drink out of the tip of your penis bob right they would die instantly so they would die instantly and they shrivel up i think it'd be harmless there's a fucking meme or there's a there's a trend on the internet going around about young people on on tiktok and stuff that didn't know that madonna's like a prayer was about a blowjob. It was? Are you fucking joking? No.

Wait. Look at the lyrics for like a prayer what do you mean just look up lyrics for like a prayer what what i thought it was about jesus and praying well sex and god and all these things are kind of intertwined the poem she just did with that tree zoom in and look at this when you call my name it's like a little prayer i'm knees.
I want to take you there. In the midnight hour, I can feel your power.
Yeah, that's God. What? Yeah, you're getting on your knees.
You're in church, right? At the middle of the night, that's when God comes to you. God comes, for sure.
Well, God comes to you at night and he comes and let's read the lyrics. I close my eyes.
That's how I pray. Oh my God, I'm thinking I'm falling.
That's how I feel when I'm my god i'm thinking i'm falling that's how i feel

that's how i feel when i'm coming i feel like i'm falling no i feel like my life is falling apart

and i'm falling well this is a personal thing right now for you right so um out of the sky

you call my name is like a little prayer i'm down on my knees i want to take you there where would

you want to take god to i'm down on my knees i want to take you there to take you there to my

pain no but see you're reading between the lines here that's what music is bitch music is all about

Thank you. I'm down on my knees.
I want to take you there. Take you there to my pain.
No. But see, you're reading between the lines here, baby.

That's what music is, bitch.

Music is all about interpreting.

You whisper softly to me.

That's how God doesn't yell.

Hey!

Cut it out!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, he's like, cut it out.

No, no, no.

God's a yeller.

Oh, thank you.

You're in control.

Right, right.

You're in control just like a child.

Now I'm dancing. It's like a dream.
No end, no beginning. You're here I'm dancing it's like a dream no end no beginning you're here with me it's like a dream let the choir sing you call my name it's like a prayer I'm down on my knees come on the midnight hour I can feel your power this is about giving head I don't read it that way or getting head it could be her head.
It could be her getting head. Okay.
How about Papa D'O'Priach then? It's about fucking her dad. Buffy.
The greatest thing that you've ever done for me, Andrew. Of all time.
Is doing the show with you. I know.
But the second greatest thing is you got me a Buffy comforter. I did.
And right now, that Buffy comforter is on my main master bedroom. And here's why I like Buffy comforters.
Why? Genuinely. Okay? It's about to be hot.
It's starting to get hot in LA. Bingo.
And Buffy comforters don't get you sweaty. Okay? They stay super soft and super cool.
It's future technology. It's like cool.
Like last night it was hot. Yeah.
And the Buffy comforter was cool. It's so good.
You know how sometimes you have to flip your pillow, right, to get the cool side? The Buffy comforter is always cool. It's always cool, baby.
You don't have to flip it. It's softer than cotton.
It naturally soothes your skin. It's sustainable.
Eucalyptus uses 10 times less water than cotton to grow, and its fiber is produced by recyclable, earth-friendly solvents. It's hypoallergenic, just like Bobby, which means you won't sneeze.
Plus, its high thread count shuts out dust, mold, mites for a healthier sleeping

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Papa, Papa, I know you're going to be upset. All right, there you go.
Because I was always your little girl, but you should know by now I'm not a baby. Oh, she's saying I have hair down there.
Is that what she's saying? She's hitting on her dad. Right.
Dad, I have hair down there. You always tell me right from wrong.
I need your help. Please be strong.
I may be young at heart, but you know what I'm saying. What are you saying? What are you saying, daughter?

All of her stuff is sexualized.

Well, like, I'm the dad.

Say that to me the way the lyrics are, and I'm the dad.

You want me to sing them to you?

Yeah, it's like, I'm home from school.

Maybe she's from college.

Papa, I know you're going to be upset because I was always your little girl.

What?

Wait, wait, wait.

How was school?

Well, you should know by now.

I'm not a baby.

This sounds like the intro to a porn movie.

Right.

This is like a step porn movie.

And you hear it.

Daddy, please be strong.

Yeah, yeah.

I hate the word daddy.

Wow.

I hate it.

I hate it.

Does Clio ever call you daddy?

You don't do that sex stuff.

Daddy.

She calls me Papa.

That's cute.

That's endearing.

That's endearing.

Yeah, but not daddy.

You know whose wife calls him daddy.

Who?

I don't do that sex stuff, daddy stuff. She calls me Papa.
That's cute. That's endearing.
That's endearing, yeah, but not daddy. You know whose wife calls him daddy.
Who? I know. When she was ready to go, she goes, Daddy, we have to go home now.
Oh, my God. I said, fancy.
Yeah. And he goes, shut your mouth, Andrew.
And he didn't want me to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about it.
No, you know what he does when he gets home? And this is not even a joke. I really believe this.
You put on a black leather, right? Velvet. Velvet suit.
Like a gimp mask? And no, the mask has only a zipper here, right? And you get into a wooden fucking, you know what I mean? Cabinet or something, right? And you go, good night. And she closes it.
She locks it. And that's how you sleep.

That's how you sleep. Nothing sexual about it, but that's just comfort for him.
Do you do that? Yeah. How do you know? Because that's how Paul fix it.
I have a feeling. I just have a feeling that Andres is the one in the relationship that wears lingerie.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He feels like he wants to be pretty. Yeah.
What is it when the girl fucks him with a dildo? Pegging. She pegs you.
Oh, yeah. Right? It's, look, personal.
You didn't disclose this thing. We disclose it.
You don't have to. We're doing it for you.
And then you look at the dildo and you go, made in the USA. Because you're an American now, right? That was part of becoming a citizen.
Yeah. You can only use dildos made in the USA.
Yeah. Or China, because that's, you know.
Can I say something? Every dildo is made in China. I also want to just ask you a personal question, if you don't mind, right? He definitely minds.
Yeah. You don't seem like somebody that is an aggressive aggressor, in terms of like, who made the first move when it comes to boinking, back the day when you first dated her i did do you believe that no i guess i don't either yeah are you excited to go back to oklahoma to film i'm not going back wait where are you leaving to florida why what's in florida i'm doing will sasso's movie oh wow just a couple of scenes is it something he wrote no

a company's

I don't know

he's in it

yeah he's in it

he's the star of it

and they asked me to be

in a couple of scenes

that's awesome

yeah so I'm just gonna go do that

back to the old

Mad TV days

you and the sass

yeah and I just worked with

Ike and Nick Kroll

and those guys

for History of the World

Kroll wasn't on

Mad TV was he

no but he was there

he was around

he's like

producing it or something

History of the

with Mel Brooks Thank you. History of the World.
Carl wasn't on Mad TV, was he? No, but he was there. He was around?

He's like

producing it or something.

History of the

with Mel Brooks.

Is it a remake?

Unless they're doing

the second part.

Uh-huh.

I love her, you know.

Well, the whole reason

why I did it

was because I thought,

oh, I'm going to meet Mel Brooks,

but I guess he's not.

He doesn't come.

He does everything through Zoom because of COVID and stuff.

He's an old man.

He's 100.

Isn't he the oldest man in the world?

The 2,000-year-old man?

The 2,000-year-old man.

Yeah.

George.

Because Mel Brooks is somebody that I grew up with.

He's 95.

Yeah.

You're like, he's insane.

He's not 80.

That's nuts.

That's insane.

Because as a kid, even, I remember watching Spaceballs or Blazing Saddles. Young Frankenstein.
Young Frank. Oh, my God.
One of the greatest movies of all time in terms of comedy. That movie is so fucking funny.
His bloodline is incredible. What do you mean? Albert Brooks.
Oh, yeah. That's his son? Are you joking? No, Albert Brooks is Mel Brooks' son

What planet am I living on?

I did not know

Honestly, I did not know

Wait, wait, I don't believe you

I don't believe you

I will say

Isn't

Super Dave Osborne

His name was Bob Einstein

He was Albert Brooks' brother, isn't that true?

Isn't that crazy?

Albert Brooks is Bob Einstein

Thank you. Super Dave Osborne was named his name was Bob Einstein he was Albert Brooks' brother isn't that true? isn't that crazy? Albert Brooks is Bob Einstein aka Super Dave Osborne rest in peace he's his brother he was so good he had the best joke Albert Brooks' dad is an um that's number one and also the movie The Mother has nothing to do with this real mom correct anyway yeah yeah fucked it all up super dave osborne by the way has the best joke go to youtube if you want a good laugh super dave osborne told a joke to seinfeld and larry david on the set of um curb do super dave osborne curb joke and i gotta tell you maybe one of the funniest jokes i've ever seen, and you can tell that neither of them know it was coming.
That's it right there. Marty Funkhauser.
Watch this, Bob. You have to watch this clip.
Jerry, Marty Funkhauser. Hey, Marty, how you doing? How you doing? Good.
Want to hear a joke? He doesn't want to hear a joke. We have a read-through.
Yeah, we got him. Let me just get right through it.
Okay. A woman's very afraid of the size of her opening.
What is she afraid of? The size of her opening. So she goes to her mother.
She says, what am I going to do? I'm so big down there. When I marry her, he's going to divorce me.
Her mother says, don't worry, sweetheart. It runs in the family.
Do what I did when I married your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver.
Put it in there. I'll never know the difference.
Oh, my God. So she does.
They have eight hours of sex after their marriage. She wakes up at 10 o'clock.
He's gone, but there's a note on her pillow. It says, my darling Harriet, to think that I waited a year to consummate our love relationship makes my heart beat so loud.
I'm surprised it didn't wake you up. The only reason I'm not here now, darling, is I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we'll have dogs and children.
Oh, this is not so bad. Oh, yeah, this is great.
Will you finish the fucking joke, buddy? When the five o'clock dinner bell rings, I will be home like the winged gossamer of loving your arms, your loving husband Harry. Oh, that's nice.
P.S., your c*** is in the sink. From what I've heard, Seinfeld didn't know the joke was coming.
yeah so just rewind just i want to see his response oh just a second back when he says it watch watch seinfeld's face yeah i will be home like the winged gossamer of your loving your arms your loving husband that's nice p.s your is in the sink Okay, you told the joke, let's go.

How good is that?

You surprised me ladies and gentlemen please he really thought he was funny I think rest in peace yeah yeah fucking Bob Einstein he died yeah super Dave passed away how I don't remember I remember it was it was only like a year or two ago right wow he died yeah super Dave click on super Dave uh George please Yeah, I don't remember. I remember it was only like a year or two ago, right? Wow, he died.
Yeah, Super Dave. Click on Super Dave.
George, please. Yeah, I don't remember how he passed away.
And he wasn't an old, he was a young man. He was 76.
Yeah, he was quite, he was still young relatively, I guess. Oh, cancer.
Yeah, fuck. Cancer gets you out.
It gets you. My buddy's going to see a family member that's got cancer today.

And that's it.

I feel comedy coming.

I feel the joke coming.

The joke is.

So whose friend has cancer?

No, my buddy's uncle.

And he's going to see him today.

I felt terrible for him because they got the end diagnosis. If they get the end diagnosis.
If I told you, it made me think genuinely. If a doctor says, Bobby, you got four months to live, and this is it, it.
What are you doing for four months? Are you going to quit the podcast? Oh, yeah. You'd quit? Fuck yeah.
Come on, man. No, there's just too much to do.
There's just too much to do. But we could chronicle your cancer and your death.
Before that, I have to get this golden clock in Stardew Valley. Right? So that's the first thing.
Literally the first thing is I got to get it. Because I'm at $4 million now, right? And it costs $10 million.
Because I already bought obelisks and I bought the fucking, the staff that gets you, returns home, right? So I'm like, I'm like a week away from getting the fucking golden clock. So that's the first thing I do.
You're right there. I'm right there, right? Would you quit Tiger Belly? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they're all gone. There's too much to do, man.
Okay, the second thing is, is that I would call Bethesda that's the golden clock. Maryland? Yeah.
Bethesda. Yeah, I think they are in Maryland, but there is a city called Maryland, but Bethesda Softworks.
And I go, can I get an early audition of Starfield? Their new game that's coming out in November. An early edition, yeah.
Because I'm sure they're working out the kinks, but I got kinks with all the kinks. I don't care because I'm dying in four months.
I got to play it. I've been waiting 15 years for this fucking game.
Is kinks a racial epithet? What? I don't know. They used to call that to me in high school, but I always waved when they called me that.
What's up, you fucking kink? And I'd be like, what's up? Hey. Yeah, yeah.
So you want that. So you want the golden clock.
So what else would I want? You want to get Stardew Valley, Bethesda, asked if they can give you the early release. What else are you going to do? Four months, man.
And then the real stuff, I would do that, but I'm being real, but also I would make some amends. Not all.
Right. And then I would also do this.
There's a guy that you can hire to speak on your behalf at your funeral. So there's a guy that you can hire.
So this guy you hire and he'll say stuff like uh yeah so ted died but he wants your wife amanda he's been he's been seeing somebody else for the last 10 years or this guy will say stuff like yeah frank he was gay right right he didn't want to come out when i was alive what's this man called what i don't know what his name is the truth spitter i don't know but i would hire him to say certain things to people yeah yeah while you were alive or wait no one undead yeah so we have to i have to get together with that guy and go all right so i want you to say this to kevin right you have to say this to kevin and but kevin won't go to your funeral but i'm going to make sure he goes i like that yeah yeah uh you have to say this to dr ken you have to say this to andrew

yeah right to me yeah yeah there's just certain things that he needs to say to people i can't say

you know what i mean while i'm alive what is it for me that i love you is that what you can't say

to me um it was okay i would say i wouldn't hire them to do that no i would say all the things that i was going to say to you i would say to your face yeah i would hope so there would be some letters right and then there are some be some stuff that i would want to say after i'm dead and then um are you taking any trips four months you're about to die you're not going to go where am i going to go i'm going to be dead there too i mean i'm dead i'm dying but i'm jumping on a private jet to go where all the places i haven't been yeah but for me i've never been everywhere but i've been to every environment i would jump on a private jet spend 24 hours in a bunch of different places and just keep jetting around i would waste all my money on private jets what i'm saying is what's the difference between tulum and hawaii if they're all tropical so why would you want i haven't been to tulum but i've been to Hawaii. Who gives a fuck, right? I think Tulum and Hawaii are completely different places.
I know, in terms of in the climate. Temperature? Climate.
Okay, there's way more than just temperature. All right, so there's palm trees in Hawaii and Tulum.
What else is different except for Mexicans? Culture, food. What do you mean? But like the hotel room is what Bobby's saying.
Right, yeah, yeah. What's the hotel room like? Yeah, the Four Seasons is the Four Se that's insane right so i've been to um cold places like i've never been to antarctica but like why would i want to go there why not i've been to canada while it was snow same place yeah yeah it's the feeling is a little bit more south a little bit yeah yeah all right so you're not taking trips right not gonna do trips what else are you gonna go try anything like you're gonna jump out of an airplane or bungee jump or do something you've never done before no because i'm gonna be in heaven i'm gonna do that there you don't have bungee jumping anymore in heaven after the accident oh really they had to stop doing it you would think there would be like you have a little fucking bungee attached to a cloud one guy fucks up it ruins it for everybody.
We went all the way down to hell.

Right?

Right, it snapped.

Pull me back up!

I just couldn't.

Yeah, so then what else would I do?

A lot of real amends, like, I'm sorry that I did that.

But what about for you?

Don't you want to feel some gratification?

Would you use again?

You'd probably relapse for sure. No, I wouldn't.

You wouldn't?

No, I want to see God sober.

No, I know. I don't be dying.
Sorry, God, hold on. I'm a little bit, I'm going with the heroin detox.
Do you think when you die of heroin, you're high when you get to heaven or hell? I think you're groggy a little bit up there. So how many days did it take to get back to normal? Probably a week.
Yeah. You just sound a cloud.
Just twitching and sweating. You're twitching and going going through fucking withdrawals right yeah that's the worst would be if you if you're going through withdrawals and then you're in a pit of fire and hell and you never get away from the withdrawals that's what hell is wow you withdraw for the rest of the time that'd be fucking what would you do i told you partially i would get on a private jet and i would literally tour with my family and friends all over the world and just spend like a day in a bunch of crazy places.

Spend money.

That means he has money.

Eat as much food.

Well, I'd spend every dime I have.

Right.

I had zero intention on keeping any of my money if I knew I was going to die.

Oh, so you wouldn't leave some for your sister?

For who?

Your sister.

Get a fucking job.

Your family.

Get a fucking job.

Yeah, no, I would leave some for my brother. Zero.
Not one fucking dime will be left when I die. Why? I can't have a little? No, nothing.
I'm spending literally all of it. In fact, I'm going to have an accountant budget out what I could spend, where I could eat fancy restaurants, private chefs.
I would spend every dime I've ever fucking worked hard to make and save. I'd take it all out of everything that I've ever invested in.
And I would throw it.

I would throw it away so fucking fast.

But I wouldn't buy things.

I would do it by experiences.

I'm buying private jets all over the world to exotic places to eat amazing meals.

And bone my woman on the beach.

And get a ticket for it.

Go to prison for it. And then I would after i tour tour around the world for one month jet jet jet setting then i would spend the next month um seeing family and extended members of friends and saying my goodbye and i would say because i don't want this close to the end i want to do it now and get over with.
And then the last two months, I would try to physically set Hollywood on fire. I would literally go to every studio.
I'll help you do that. And I would every studio, comically, I would set up, I would try to blow up every studio.
You know what I would do the day after your funeral? This would be devastating. So I'm at your funeral, right? Right are grieving yeah they're grieving i'll say how i'll hug your parents right your sister i'll hug a little extra no yeah just a little extra because she's grieving no all right right it's okay right hold on no right so then um and the next day i would come to the studio and continue Bad Friends with Anthony Jeselnik.
Would you be mad? No. You'd be in heaven.
The money would still go to my account. Would it really? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I've set it up that way. All right, right.
No, I wouldn't be mad. Honestly, would you would you guys please if he died and doc still

wanted to do it and jules and everyone wanted to do it and we just needed a second guy it would not be the same without you okay but would you if i would you continue it be honest i would hope you would just because i'm dead we worked really hard on the name and the brand right who's we media

yeah yeah so

the brand baby so what would you

do man i would definitely keep doing it yeah how about you george no way no way it wouldn't be the same you got to start something different god bless oh we would change the name a little bit stop it to good friends george kimmel you're the fucking man i love you to death you see that i was giving you guys now and i said yeah you should continue doing George, what he said, he goes, we should change the name and start a new show. What would you do the day after my funeral? I get Ken Jong in here.
I just, I know so many more Koreans now. I know you do.
So Steven Yeun could pop right by. Yeah.
You know who really fit in? David. Cho? Yeah.
I would fucking love to do that. That would be a banger.
No, but let's be honest. You want the truth? Yeah.
Nobody in my comedy career have I ever had what I have with you. Yeah, me too.
Nobody. Me too.
No, no, I'm serious. I'm being real.
There's nobody I've meshed with as more as fun as we do comedically than any comic I've ever worked with. So no, it would never be the same.
And that being said, we want to take two seconds right now to say thank you to the fans. It means a lot to us that you guys watch the show.
We continue doing the show with or without Little Black Magic and Rudy. They'll both be back when they can.
We also want to remind you, we are doing more fan interactions. We're going to be setting up some stuff.
And we're not going to announce the date, but we are going to be doing a Bad Friends live soon. We're doing a Bad Friends live stream soon.
So you can see that. We've got a ton of special surprises.
2023, we also want to do way more live dates when me and Andrew go on the road. Next year, we want to do a bunch of stuff together to come see you guys.
We're also going to sometimes now have some guests on. We're going to start having guests on the show as well.
Yeah. Big ones.
Big ones. Name down below who you guys think you'd want on this show.
So comment who you guys think you'd want on the show as well. Yeah.
So if you guys have suggestions, name down below who you guys think you'd want on this show.

So comment who you guys think

you'd want on the show.

And we'll start

having some fun guests on the show

because we think it'd be nice

to mix it up a little bit.

And then after that,

I want Andres to close out the show

and take us home, fans.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you.
Yeah. Woo.