Roasting Madonna’s NFT Bajingo

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 A woman born with two vaginas had gave birth to

Speaker 1 twins. Well, you look that up.
Woman born with two vaginas. A woman in Alaska has two vaginas and gave birth, but which hole did the baby come out of? Not the hole that I had to do.
She does. Bob?

Speaker 1 What? Let's see this. Woman,

Speaker 1 I was lopsided while pregnant. Woman feared her two vaginas and cervixes and wombs would leave her childless.
Gives birth naturally.

Speaker 1 But is there, I would have taken a prop bet on which vagina the baby would come out of. But the two vaginas is a

Speaker 1 like a Siamese twin that was underdeveloped, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, is that what that is? If you have two vagina, she was born with two vaginas, two cervixes.

Speaker 1 So one of them's an underdeveloped Siamese twin.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so

Speaker 1 all that's left of her twin is her. It's her baby.
It's her sister's baby. She's the aunt.
All that's left of her twin is her pussy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, as like her twin is gone, her vagina is the only one. You know how sometimes in India, like, a kid will be born with two legs and a hand sticking out of their back.
Dude, when you see that,

Speaker 1 it'll be like a fist out of their face. Yeah, yeah.
It's the craziest shit. Right.
I always, whenever I meet them, I always shake that other hand. And I always call it a different name.
Hey, Frank.

Speaker 1 You shake their fist? Ted, excuse me. Frank.

Speaker 1 Yeah. This woman was born.
This is what I'm going to, this is what I want to know. Yeah.
When the baby,

Speaker 1 when the baby's coming out, it sees two, well, it doesn't see anything, but two vaginas. Which one does it pick? And would that change its life?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know.
Come on, dude. Oh, so it's a tube.
The hole you come out of is

Speaker 1 destiny. Exactly, tube of destiny.
The tubes of destiny. The hole you come out of very much dictates your complete future.

Speaker 1 Do you think so? I 100% believe. Why? Why? Why would that matter? Because there's got to be some kind of powerful juice magic when you slide out that dictates almost everything.
Maybe.

Speaker 1 So there's, but okay, look at George. There's two rules.

Speaker 1 He came out of the wrong hole. He definitely came out of the wrong hole.
He came out of the wrong hole. There was only one choice.
What do you mean? But he came out of the butthole.

Speaker 1 You're a butthole baby.

Speaker 1 You were 100% a butthole baby. And the doctors were like, yeah, this does look like a butthole, baby.
Yeah. My question is.

Speaker 1 When they remove the limbs, like, you know what I mean? Sometimes this is what I hate about white doctors and Western medicine. We don't like white doctors either.
I know, but

Speaker 1 in India, right, a kid will be born with like, you know, an extension of a Siamese twin coming out of their body, right? And there's always like a doctor in America. I'll operate for free.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Yeah, you get the publicity. Pro bono.
Yeah, but it's like,

Speaker 1 what does the kid think?

Speaker 1 Don't take off Larry. He wants his brother there.
I don't know. Someone to chat to.

Speaker 1 Especially when it's like

Speaker 1 a face.

Speaker 1 When there's a face. Well, the face one is weird.
Yeah, yeah. These are all these deformities that are.
Oh, we shouldn't. That is so sad to even.
We're not making fun of the person.

Speaker 1 We're not making fun of the person, no. It's called Lakshitatma.
Yeah. What is Lakshi Tatma? Zoom in a little bit there, George.

Speaker 1 Lakshi Tatma. Oh, that's a human.
No, that's not a. Yeah, yeah.
What are you doing, man? That's Lakshitma. They thought she was a god.
Remember this? A goddess? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 When she had a poncho. She had like nine legs.
Yeah. Can I ask you this?

Speaker 1 Can you pinch so I can see her? Yeah. God, I wish fucking we had Carlos here.
We need Carlos here. Isn't this insane that you bring this guy in who's been a fucking

Speaker 1 guy has been a podcast producer for how many years? 10? 12? Yeah. No, let me ask you something.
Over 11 years? No, no, no. Let me make fun of him for a second.

Speaker 1 Seven fucking plus years. And I said, can you pinch and zoom? He can't do that.
Do you know we pay him the most of anybody we pay? I know we do. I know we do.
It's disgusting.

Speaker 1 For the next rest of the year, you're switching salaries with fancy. He's also a butthole baby, so just let him.
All right, butthole baby baby. He's a butthoho baby.
All right, so here's the deal.

Speaker 1 This is Lakshmi.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I have something to say about her, right?

Speaker 1 Go ahead. Here's the thing.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be very mindful about it.

Speaker 1 Make sure you just focus on him for the

Speaker 1 imagine the cool job she could have as she gets older. Drummer.
She's the number one at the sweatshop.

Speaker 1 Lakshi. Lakshmi made 15 Nikes in 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 How?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Just 38 hands.
I want this another job that she could have. That's amazing, right? Goalkeeper on a soccer team.
Oh, my God, dude.

Speaker 1 Imagine you're doing a penalty kick, and she's with all her arms. You know what I mean? You wouldn't know what direction, right? And in two of the arms, she's doing taxes.

Speaker 1 On the other one, she's doing other things.

Speaker 1 Honestly, she's like Googling something or watching, you know what I mean, with an iPad. I don't know what she's doing, right? But there's just so many things.
So do not remove those arms.

Speaker 1 I think you keep them. Yeah, that's a point.
Well, this says Lakshmi before her 24-hour surgery in 07. So obviously she did get them removed.
Yeah, that's it really angered me when that happened.

Speaker 1 But didn't they think she was a goddess because they thought she was compared? Because

Speaker 1 what's the god of with all the Shiva? Shiva. Shiva has, yeah.

Speaker 1 But that also would be cool. It's just like,

Speaker 1 I would turn to my mom or the surgeon and go, please don't remove it because I've just been sitting on an altar eating grapes all day. Right.
They've been feeding me grapes. That's her job.

Speaker 1 Now she's just a regular god.

Speaker 1 She could, her whole life, just chilling, eating grapes all day, people worshiping her. Picking a grape from here.

Speaker 1 This is very mean, but that image reminds me so heavily of

Speaker 1 the creature in The Simpsons. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 1 That guy. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 The aliens. The aliens.
The aliens. The aliens.
Whoa, dude.

Speaker 1 That's Tavi, dude. No, but that's...
That's Tavi, dude. No, no, but.
No, dude. No, no.
Hello.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I just mean that you're not going to be able to do that.

Speaker 1 Are you calling Eastern Indians aliens? No, I'm saying the image of the multiple arms doing things reminds me of that. There's other references.
She reminds me of Calamari.

Speaker 1 That is an octopus. That's one and the same.
That's easier. We're on the same wavelength.
Imagine if Calamari looked like her. Would you eat?

Speaker 1 No, no one would eat calamari. Do you like calamari? No, I don't even like it.
I think it's gross. I think we lie to ourselves and we eat it because it's supposed to be like a delicacy almost.

Speaker 1 I think calamari sucks. Say chewy butthole.
It's chewy butthole. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want a chewy butthole. First of all, we're back to the old school days, I should say, because

Speaker 1 COVID's once again got Doc is sick for the fifth time with COVID. Yeah.
Oh, man, it got me one time.

Speaker 1 You know what it is? What? It's because Doc does all this NASA science stuff on here, and the government's trying to kill him. You know that.
That's interesting. The government is trying to kill him.

Speaker 1 That's interesting. And he would, by the way, who would vouch for that? He would.
He'd be like, yeah, man, they're coming after me, Drew.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So he's gone.
Rudy is gone. He's not faxed.
He refuses to vote. I don't know if he's faxed.
My assumption was that he wasn't vaxxed because

Speaker 1 the way he talked about it was that. I don't think he is.
Yeah. So we've got Fancy sitting in the chair to fill in for both Lil Black and Daniel.
How did the show go?

Speaker 1 How did my show go? Downtown? Yeah. It was amazing, actually.
What ended up happening, well, the night was great.

Speaker 1 My buddy Chris and I met up,

Speaker 1 had something to eat, and then I went to Theo's show at the Wilter, and he had two shows.

Speaker 1 I went and did 15 or no, I did 20 minutes before Theo, and it was awesome. It was me, Larabites, and Frank, Castillo.
Yeah, I like Frank, yeah.

Speaker 1 And they did great. I went up, I got a great 20 minutes.
I did

Speaker 1 have a really fun 20 minutes. It was great.

Speaker 1 Gave a hug to Theo, and then we jetted over to the palace, and I had a great time downtown. Amazing.

Speaker 1 It was amazing to see LA come out for LA, which was hard because I complained the whole time about Netflix. Fucking Netflix,

Speaker 1 a thousand shows in one night. The same night we performed, me and Theo,

Speaker 1 both close to each other,

Speaker 1 Fluffy was at the fucking Dodger Stadium.

Speaker 1 Mulaney was at the Hollywood Bowl. My God.

Speaker 1 Schumer was supposed to be doing a show, but she canceled because she got COVID. Amy Poehler and Tina Faye were doing a fucking reading, like a table read thing together.

Speaker 1 Jay Farrow, it was like 40 fucking comics. So I'm thankful for the people that came to my show.
There's millions of people that live in LA, though.

Speaker 1 I know, man, but there's, but there's not millions, they're not all comedy fans. Yeah, so the comedy fans that came, I'm very appreciative of.

Speaker 1 You think like the fluffy fans were making it just hey, bro? It was between me and which one you want to go to, bro. Fluffy or I don't know, dog.
I think between

Speaker 1 Santino and Iglesias. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, by the way, I did have mostly Mexicans there because I asked how many Mexicans are there, and they went, he knows.

Speaker 1 He was that, he saw how many, I mean, dude, it was like 80% Mexican, which made me so happy. And then there was about 10% Chinese.
Asians or Chinese?

Speaker 1 I specifically said Chinese. I said, where are my Chinese people at? Yeah.
And I heard about 30 people. About Korean.
Did you tell me? I said, where are my Korean people at?

Speaker 1 But they heard that the Chinese were there, so they didn't say a word. I was in the audience.
I didn't clap. They were nervous.
I was like, ah.

Speaker 1 Well, because the Chinese were there looking at them like,

Speaker 1 don't you dare. Amazing.
No, it was really, really fun. And now I'm almost done.
So I'm really glad that I was. That was Saturday.
You know what I did Saturday? I did the main room.

Speaker 1 in front of 10 people. So that's what I did.
Well, why would you do a show on the weekend with the Netflix thing?

Speaker 1 I just did. Our Netflix show, by the way, at the Our Bad Friends, I should say, show, it had nothing to do with Netflix.
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 They just put their name on it. They put a box.
Somebody showed up, put a box on stage, and then left. Put a Netflix box and say Netflix on there.

Speaker 1 A guy who builds stuff, put a box together, throw it up, and then went home. Netflix had fucking literally nothing to do with it.

Speaker 1 And I'm here to tell you. Cancel your Netflix subscription.
Why? Just cancel it. No.
Cancel it. I'm pro-Netflix, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, I am. Me too.
Let's be pro-Netflix. Let's be pro-Netflix.
You guys,

Speaker 1 subscribe. Subscribe to Netflix.
Please. They need the help.

Speaker 1 That was a fun show.

Speaker 1 They could use a boost, huh? It was a fun show, our show. Our show was good.
The problem was

Speaker 1 I have a bone to pick with you.

Speaker 1 Can I just say this? Can I fucking pick up this? Let me just say something. Pick the bone.
My bones are there to be picked, bud. Raise your arms.

Speaker 1 I'm Roadkill. you're fucking vulture, right? Pick the yeah, right,

Speaker 1 right.

Speaker 1 Go ahead, vulture.

Speaker 1 But before I do,

Speaker 1 right? I've just been having a tough week. Fuck off.
Okay, go ahead. Pick.

Speaker 1 The bone to pick that I've always had with Bobby, and we've talked about this.

Speaker 1 When we do a show together, or when you do your show, the Bobby Lee and Friends, or when we do Bad Friends, Bobby and I should go at the end.

Speaker 1 But instead, Bobby goes in the middle of the fucking show, in the sweetest of sweet spots. They're here to see us.

Speaker 1 You get off, and then you bring up two more comics, and then I have to close the show. George is nodding because he knows.
It's insane. Yeah, but I asked you, don't close it.

Speaker 1 You can go up anywhere you want. No, dude, it's our show.
We should close the show. That's not the worst show.

Speaker 1 What was the worst thing I did? You tell Doc after the show is over. Oh, my God.
Go back and do 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 You know, he went out and did time. You know that, right? Yeah, yeah.
Doc went out and did like 20 more minutes. After every

Speaker 1 twist.

Speaker 1 Perfect. Because it got us to be able to escape.
I know, but the poor bastard, he goes out there. Yeah, he's like, oh man, about to, hey, man, bad friends, come on, bad friends, let's stay.

Speaker 1 And people were getting up and they were like, fuck, dude, should I have to do I have to stay? You know what?

Speaker 1 You know how, like, at the end of a movie, after the credit roll, somebody has told you that there might be an extra piece of the movie? Yeah, yeah. That's what it was.
It was like a Marvel movie.

Speaker 1 Because when I saw Doctor Strange, we waited to the very end of the credits. And the clip wasn't worth it, was it? It was not.
That's how they felt when they saw Jaka Frank. Especially the Batman one.

Speaker 1 Did you see a clip of that one? It's just a question mark. Stupid.
Stupid. So dumb.
Yeah, but that's what we did. We put a question mark at the end.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 So we're walking out. You guys all left early, so you didn't want to get mobbed.
We're walking out with Esther, and Doc is just getting into the groove. Yeah.
And I'm like, he was on fire in his head.

Speaker 1 Did he get laughs? No. Were you there? Everybody was confused.
They were confused.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. They sat down again.
They had no idea what was going on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love Doc. A little blood, back, man, blood, back, man, back.

Speaker 1 I love him. He doesn't get it.

Speaker 1 Well, no, here's what happened. He just said,

Speaker 1 I told Andres,

Speaker 1 the show's over. You got to get him off stage.
So Andres runs up, and I'm scared that I'm going to get yelled at by Doc for taking his stage time. Andres comes out, like, tells Doc, hey,

Speaker 1 the show's over, guys. You can all go home.
And Doc comes out. He's like, thank you.

Speaker 1 Bobby told me to do another 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 I was about to start a big bit.

Speaker 1 I'm clearly a lived here with that, but let's go.

Speaker 1 You were joking. He believed you.
You can't joke. He's like a child.
You can't joke with him. I was kidding around.
Why would I think that he should do that?

Speaker 1 Because he believes that kind of stuff. Yeah, I go.
A little black magic as well. He's supposed to show out.
Do as long as you want. I just think that that's a joke.
You know, and his mind is.

Speaker 1 30 minutes. Okay, I'll do 30.
Baba told me to do a half hour. Yeah, yeah.
But can I just say this, though? He did great, by the way. He did great.
But I want to say this, though.

Speaker 1 He did five minutes, right, to open the show, right? Yeah. I paid him 400 bucks to do the show, right? 230 minutes.

Speaker 1 You want your money's worth? Is that what I do? I kind of do. You know what I mean? I understand.
Five minutes for $400 is crazy. It's a little much.
It's a little much. It's a little much.

Speaker 1 But also...

Speaker 1 We need to get him off of Amazon. His contract is up.
His contract's up. Also, did you also see this? So when we did the question and answers answers at the end of that show, right?

Speaker 1 A girl comes up to the thing and she obviously is hitting on doc. Yeah.
Right. She's just like, so you're saying you don't have a so what kind of girls do you like?

Speaker 1 I mean, and she's kind of going, look at me. Yeah, look at my body.
See if this is what they're like.

Speaker 1 I don't know what was the response. I don't got no type.
Yeah, yeah. I don't got no type.
But that was a clear.

Speaker 1 Do you want to fuck me? Do you want to fuck? Yeah. Right.
And he did not read it. No.
Because he doesn't want to fuck. I'm not focusing on these hoes.

Speaker 1 Can I just, can I say a theory? Go ahead. And he can defend himself next time he's here.
Or not. You know, I just think that, let me just throw this out there.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 do you think that, you know, if a bunch of your uncles were slaughtered because they were gay, you know, from the gay slash, right? Awful. Do you think that's a terrible thing?

Speaker 1 And I'm so very traumatized by it all. Yeah.
You know, I think about it all the time. You do.
You think about it daily. You text me.
I do. I do.
And is that hereditary? It is.

Speaker 1 There is partial scientific evidence to prove that it might be hereditary. But in my opinion, I would think if enough people in your family were gay, you'd feel left out.

Speaker 1 Right. You think it's peer pressure.
You think it's conditional. You might start sucking just to fit in.
Right.

Speaker 1 I mean, look, you go to Thanksgiving and all your uncles are like, and then we went in the manhole and we were fucking. Which is a great club.
I love the manhole. The manhole is amazing.

Speaker 1 And so they're bragging about it. And you're sitting there with your green beans and you don't know how to, you know.
Green beans.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, green beans? What do you mean, green beans? No, I'm saying you're at Thanksgiving dinner. What do you mean by it, though? Thanksgiving dinner.
I said, you're sitting on the hill.

Speaker 1 I didn't hear the Thanksgiving party. Oh, I see.
You're at a holiday dinner, and you're fucking, everyone's bragging about dick, and you might want to throw your hat in the ring. Right.

Speaker 1 Or toss your cockering in the butthole. You might want to have a little bit of validity and go, you know, I'm...

Speaker 1 I suck a dick too. You know, you feel like you fit in.

Speaker 1 Family gatherings are tough as it is. Because when the girl was obviously hitting on him on the show.
He had no interest. Yeah, she was actually very cute.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he was eyeing some other dude in the audience, right behind her, yeah, yeah, maybe, yeah. He's like, my type behind you.

Speaker 1 What is this? There is no gay gene, there is no straight gene. Okay, okay.
So then it's true and not true at the exact same point.

Speaker 1 Human sexual orientation has a heritable component. Ah, there's a component that you can inherit.
Yeah, and we're not like, you know, I think it's a great thing. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I'm just like, here's what I don't like. Because of like, we know a lot of comics that aren't out.
Sure, yes, correct. Right.
And there's like, there's, we suspect.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, right? Well, we know, but yeah, we know, but we can't, there's no scientific proof. It's not of our business.
It's not our business to tell. Right.

Speaker 1 But the whole idea that they can't say it because it's a sort of social... Oh, the business.
Yeah. And the business is very...

Speaker 1 It's not a good thing. I hate that.
Well, because the business, if you're gay, the business says you got to be fucking gay.

Speaker 1 You can't like suck dick and throw a football. They don't like that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 One or the other to them.

Speaker 1 That's why the business is full of shit. They're like, we want diversity.
No, they don't. They want their version.
They want a gay guy that's like, yes, queen.

Speaker 1 They don't want a guy who's like, I just like to fucking fuck dudes because I'm gay, but I'm also, I don't always have to, we don't all have to sound like that. Yeah.
It's like if.

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen the show,

Speaker 1 The Other.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, The Other Two? Or I mean, yeah, the other two?

Speaker 1 It's fucking awesome. Molly Shannon plays his mom.
Yeah. It's such a good show.
If you haven't seen the show, go watch it. It's on HBO.

Speaker 1 Drew plays a struggling actor, and him and his sister, Helena York, I think is her name. And

Speaker 1 their younger brother, this kid, Case Walker, is like a huge star. A huge star.
And they're in the background. But Drew plays.

Speaker 1 Very much a young gay man who's trying to maneuver through Hollywood and,

Speaker 1 you know, not get lost in just his sexuality, where he doesn't want them to just promote him as just a gay actor. Right.
It's very true to form. It's wonderful.
I think it's wonderfully written.

Speaker 1 It's beautifully done.

Speaker 1 I think Sarah Schaefer wrote, I think

Speaker 1 the two writers from SNL, the head writers from SNL wrote it. I think Sarah Schaefer maybe is the writers of it.
Look who wrote it there. What does it say, writers?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Chris Kelly and Sarah Schaefer, right, from SNL. And it's just cleverly done in a way that's like, this is what the industry does.

Speaker 1 They take somebody, and if you're gay, they're like, you got to gay it up a little bit.

Speaker 1 And he on the show is like, why can't I just read it as me? And they're like,

Speaker 1 could you be a little bit more gay? And he plays with that world on the show.

Speaker 1 Because most gay people that I know aren't flamboyant in that way.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, there's some that, yeah, but it's just like... Who cares, though? And at the same time.
No, I don't care. It's just like, it's not.
The stereotype that's on TV is so fucking fake. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Every gay person or every gay man is a Yasquain. Yeah.
Not every guy's like that. Just like not every guy's a big, bad bully, bro.
Hey, fucking go, fuck chicks.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of guys like you that are very sensitive. What?

Speaker 1 Soft. What do you mean? Well, you're not a guy's guy.

Speaker 1 I'm still a guy, guy. You're not a guy's guy.
I'm a guy, guy, all the time. You're not a guy's guy.

Speaker 1 I don't shave. Shave what? Hair.
You don't have hair to shave on your face. I know, but I'm growing it out like a man.
You put that beard.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it just takes a while.

Speaker 1 You put that mustache on 15 15 years ago and then 43 years ago. That was prickly.
Yeah, prickly. No, you're not a guys guy.

Speaker 1 Because I feel like I am, but let's talk about that for a second because I need to explore this. You're not.

Speaker 1 Raise your hand if you think Bobby's a guy's guy.

Speaker 1 One for four. Guy guy.
One for four. What? One for four.
One for four. Yeah, but these guys have resentments toward me and they have something against you.
These guys are in love with you. Okay.

Speaker 1 So let's prove that I'm a guy guy. Okay.

Speaker 1 What do guy guys do that I don't don't do sports i love sports you can't play anything i love ping pong not a sport okay i love um soccer i know but you don't play it

Speaker 1 really do you play football sure i've i've kicked a ball around that's not what football is no soccer though american football all right okay so real football i do like sports i like mma a lot okay i watch it all the time so that makes me a guy

Speaker 1 no no that doesn't make you a guy right women women like mma too making Making you a guy's guy means you're a kind of guy that men feel a masculine vibe from and they want to hang out with.

Speaker 1 But do you think you're reading my size?

Speaker 1 And that also goes into it. Right.
Most little men are a little bit more like a musician. So like is Doc Doc a guy's guy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Doc, Doc Black Magic is a guy's guy.
I'm not, this is an offensive. No, no, no.
Doc is a guy's pal, not a guy's guy. Right.
And my guy's payout pal. You're a guy's pal.

Speaker 1 All right. So he's not a guy's guy.
He's not a guy guy. Right.
You're a guy pal. Right.
So we're both guys' pals, right? You are. Is Andreas a guy's guy? No.
No.

Speaker 1 All right. He's a guy's pal.
George is actually a guy's guy. George is a guy's guy.
He is. Why? Because he raises chickens? Well, yes.

Speaker 1 He's very like,

Speaker 1 like, George can camp. He can set up a tent.
Like, George has manly skills that make him a guy's guy. Just because he's not.
You don't have to be into sports to be a guy.

Speaker 1 And George does like sports, but George has guy-guy things. He can do masculine, manly, bullshit things.
Like the other day, I I bought this.

Speaker 1 I think I know what you're saying. So

Speaker 1 when I was in Oklahoma, I bought this. Time out real fast.

Speaker 1 You're a guy's pal.

Speaker 1 He's a guy's pal. Fancy's a guy's gal.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're a guy's gal.

Speaker 1 I get it.

Speaker 1 I understand now. It's very clear to me.
Guy's guys pal. You definitely are the guy's gal.
Guy, pal. Gal pal.
Guy, gal. Guy, guy pal.
I mean, look at how he said it.

Speaker 1 That's a guy's gal. Yeah.
Guy gal. The way he said it.
Or you said it. That's a gal pal.
Gal pal. He's fancy as a gal pal.

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Speaker 1 Hydro. I got it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

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Just 20 minutes, all it takes to feel the results. And this is true.

Speaker 1 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers.
The old ways are gone.

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You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today. We should get you one.

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Speaker 1 Hydro.com, code is Bad Friends. Meundies.
You know, I wear underwear like you. Yeah.
Right? And the only underwear I wear is meundies because they're the most comfortable.

Speaker 1 They have the best patterns and designs. The material they use is is better than all the underwears I've used.

Speaker 1 You know, those days when your coffee shop is out of cold brew and your air conditioner breaks and you try to go to the beach, but there's zero parking spots? Yeah, life can be hard, right, Andrew?

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Speaker 1 hardships of the world and give yourself a soft summer. Yeah, I want a soft summer because I can tell you, summer can be sweaty, but your butt doesn't have to be.

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Speaker 1 And I got to tell you, we've been wearing me on Disney and talking about them for years prior to even us getting a sponsor from them on this show. Yeah.
And I love me undies, and here's why.

Speaker 1 When I wash them, they're just as comfortable. Sometimes you wash underwear and it gets frayed and gets hard and it feels like a towel after you have a beach towel.
Meundi stays soft.

Speaker 1 So my pepito and my tushi like how smooth it is.

Speaker 1 What do you love about Miyandi's, Bob? I love it because

Speaker 1 it's something about the flexibility of the fabric. Like, you know, I used to go and perform and be and dance around in my underwear, Meondi's underwear, right?

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DoorDash. Oh, my God.
What do you use every time you leave? What app is on your phone for free? DoorDash. And I'm going to prove to people.

Speaker 1 Prove it. I'm going to prove to you, number one, I have a DoorDash app right here, right? And I go to orders, right? And if I go to orders here on my DoorDash app, right?

Speaker 1 Yesterday, May 10th, I got Casita del Campo. Oh, I love Casita.
de Lamo. Saturday, April 30th, I got Boa Stecas.
I get everything from

Speaker 1 DoorDash. It's my favorite.
It's amazing because DoorDash connects you with the restaurants you love right now and right to your door.

Speaker 1 You know, those grocery store essentials, you can get those with DoorDash. You can get drinks and snacks and household items delivered in under one hour.
Dinner? Yeah, I love it. Check.
Dinner.

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Morning, pick me up from Dunkin' Donuts. Check.
Check. Get everything you need whenever you need it with DoorDash.
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It's efficient. They haven't messed up.

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So when I was in Oklahoma, I bought a thing.

Speaker 1 I went to this Native American exposition and I bought like a thing where you put on the wall and you put your keys on it, right? And some guy had a witness. A dream catcher.

Speaker 1 I think I explained it wrong. Do you put keys on there that you wish of cars that you had?

Speaker 1 And in the back of it, there's no like way of like, there's no hook or anything, right? So I just put it against the wall and it slides off. I don't know how to do it, right?

Speaker 1 So I looked at George and I go, hey, can you do this for me?

Speaker 1 And the other day, he brought screws and a little thing and he started doing it. Guy's guy.
Yeah. You never hung it up yet.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to get in trouble doing something to your wall, so I was hoping you would put a few nails into the wall. Oh, you want me to? Oh, yeah.
I can do that. By the way, a conscious guy's guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a conscious guy's guy. He doesn't want to fuck shit up.
He can help you, but he doesn't want to ruin it. I'll put a hole right in your wall and not think about it.

Speaker 1 Okay. That's a guy's guy.
I'm a Neanderthal guy's guy. I'm not, he's advanced.
Yeah. I'm just like, ooh, oh, oh,

Speaker 1 that's, I want to break it and I'll fix it later. All right, so then, you know what? I think now I'm leaning more toward, you know what I mean, a guy's pal.
You're a guy's pal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Guy's guys, guys, pal, guys, gal. Yeah.
Or a gal pal. Now, having sex, right, does that affect the way you make love? Absolutely.
So do you do this? Like, I lock eyes. You don't lock eyes?

Speaker 1 I always, well, I don't.

Speaker 1 What do I do? Well,

Speaker 1 no. No, I can't look into your eyes.
All right. I'm an eye locker.
You just eye lock. Yeah.
It's creepy. Right.
I'm closed eyes most of the time. Yeah, yeah.
Like, when I'm eating her out,

Speaker 1 we lock. I have, look at me.
How does she, you look, she looks, she's staring right there. And she's always going,

Speaker 1 no, no, no, stop, stop, stop.

Speaker 1 But guys, guys, pals like you are

Speaker 1 more sensitive lovemakers. That's right.
Yes. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I do thigh work. Me and you.
You do thigh work? George and I are ground and pound. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I do thigh work. I do finger-four, leg lock, and I've got

Speaker 1 your naked choke. You're naked choke.

Speaker 1 I'm just

Speaker 1 drilling. Yeah, you're drilling.

Speaker 1 Right. You're painting.
And maybe you'll find like an iron ore or something. And sometimes you do get something good down there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You are painting strokes.
Smooth, soft.

Speaker 1 Smooth and soft and smooth. George and I are jackhammers.

Speaker 1 Right, right. But can I just say that? And Andreas, when he has sex, he sings.

Speaker 1 Ah,

Speaker 1 you sing.

Speaker 1 He just sings in Spanish when he makes love. Or a little creepier, he does what the Riddler does, and he sings, Ave Maria.

Speaker 1 Ave

Speaker 1 Maria.

Speaker 1 And they're just like, and you wear that little green mask that you get at the Army Surplus Store.

Speaker 1 Right. Not to, by the way, not to step on toes or infringe on people's privacy, but I got to to tell you, Fancy's wife came along this weekend to say hi, and I want to say this.

Speaker 1 She is fucking beautiful. She is beautiful.

Speaker 1 You have a stunningly beautiful wife.

Speaker 1 It is really, and she's sweet, and she's smart, and she's cool, and she's successful. And I keep going, why does she fuck Fancy?

Speaker 1 And I know that's a cheap joke, but honestly, after this morning, right now,

Speaker 1 Of course she wants to fuck a gal pal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She wants a fucking guys gal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She wants a gal pal because he's sensitive, he's sweet, he's loving, he's caring, he's hardworking, he's intelligent. Yeah, she wants a guy's pal.
She wants a guy's pal.

Speaker 1 She wants a guy's pal, you want a gal's pal. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Is that what it is? You're a guy's pal. I'm a guy's pal.
She would never fuck you.

Speaker 1 She wants a guy's gal.

Speaker 1 I get it. Which is fantastic.
I understand. A gal pal.
I understand. Can I just say something too? I think I saw a clip that really, I had to turn it off because it kind of

Speaker 1 put a chill down my spine.

Speaker 1 And it made me shiver, right?

Speaker 1 In a wrong, in the bad way, in a bad way negative shiver in a negative shiver and what it was and i think i saw it correctly i'm not sure it was at your show were you in the audience yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 was there any point where you stood up faced the audience and did a wave and got like a cheer yes yeah that was the grossest thing

Speaker 1 are you mad at me no not you

Speaker 1 it was literally the grossest thing he invited me stop stop stop all right let him have it Let me have it. Okay.

Speaker 1 It's the grossest thing I had ever witnessed in a live show in my life. Buddy, it's not a bad friend's event.
It's his own show. Number two, right?

Speaker 1 You're just soaking up love, and it makes me so sad for you. Right? Now, how did that feel? Defend yourself, fans.

Speaker 1 I was recording in the event. He was.
He was working the event.

Speaker 1 And I was actually behind the curtains. Well, you know, and Andrew said, hey, come here, Fancy.
So I just like poke myself.

Speaker 1 I never said that. I don't think you did that.
Why would you do that on your own stage? I went like this. I went like this.
Fancy, go back. Go back.

Speaker 1 And he goes, come on the stage.

Speaker 1 And I said, Fancy, go back.

Speaker 1 Back away. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll come out on the stage.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Also, come here, look, everybody giving up for Fancy B. The Fancy B came along.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Get off my stage.

Speaker 1 It's insane. They love Fancy so much.

Speaker 1 That's what I felt. That was him.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you know what? The power of this show and the fame of the success of this show, which we're very appreciative of for the fans, it's gone to some of these guys' heads.

Speaker 1 I didn't want to say it out loud, but I believe that's true. I'll say it.
It's definitely gone to Fancy's head. Carlos now, I mean, he's gotten a little out of control.

Speaker 1 Because he's on a couple, right? He does this sometimes, but he does trash Tuesday a lot, right? So he's soaking in a lot of little side fame. You know, here's how it kind of works.

Speaker 1 That's his vibe, dude.

Speaker 1 Let's look at Clark Kent.

Speaker 1 Okay. So if Superman can somehow touch his friends and give them a little bit of his power,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 Because he doesn't show off to fly. He only does it when there's an emergency.
Oh, the skyscraper's falling. I got to fly up, right? You have to save it.

Speaker 1 But these guys, let's say these guys were Superman's friends. They would be all day long just kind of going 100 feet off the ground, just on the street, and just telling people, Look what I got.

Speaker 1 That's what it is. You know what I mean? Look what I can do.
They could put a little laser out on their eye,

Speaker 1 right? And burn, like,

Speaker 1 I could see this. They're bringing all the neighborhood people out, right? And putting a fucking like aluminum can on, like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And doing it, and people going, yay, right. And they can't do that.
That's what they're doing. Yeah, it just pops a little bit.
It's so fucking sad. But can I tell you something?

Speaker 1 Who's Superman in this whole thing? Because he's really to blame.

Speaker 1 You. It's you.

Speaker 1 What? You're Superman. Thank you.
You're Superman. Am I Superman? Yes.
Yeah. You are.

Speaker 1 I'm Harvey Dent. Oh, you're...
No, I don't believe that.

Speaker 1 I know it's a different movie, but it's a completely different movie. Yeah, that's why I didn't equate it.
I just meant one side of my face is nicer than the other.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You think there's a duality? No, you know what I can say? You are like Harvey Dent.
I think there's a duality. Yeah.
And obviously you're a very sweet guy, but then you sometimes scream.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sometimes I lose it. You lose it.
And I, you know, that's the Harvey Dent side. I have very, I'm very dent-esque qualities.
I mean, that's the, you know, I don't. What's the name of that actor?

Speaker 1 Aaron Eckhart. Aaron Eckhart.
Man, I fucking love that guy. He's a great actor.
Thank you for smoking. Yeah, that was that amazing movie.
God, Aaron Brockwich.

Speaker 1 This guy made a million fucking hits, by the way.

Speaker 1 Look how many hits he's made. London has fallen.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He did one that was really bad, I Frankenstein. Did he do that? Oh, wow.
That is a bad thing. Fucking terrible.
At least he gets the chance to do big, fucking bad movies.

Speaker 1 I want to do a big, bad movie. I want to be in a huge failure.

Speaker 1 I want to be in a huge fucking failure. You do? I think there's something beautiful about that.
Yeah, but you stop getting into those situations.

Speaker 1 You get a bunch before that, and then you do one big, bad one, and then they don't talk to you for a long time, which I think is kind of a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, who was another, who was somebody that had that going? Like a ton of shit went right and then one thing went wrong? Yeah, but the thing that went wrong. Look at Kim Basinger.

Speaker 1 Look at Kim Basinger's career. Kim Basinger was supposed to be the next greatest actress.
Yeah. I have a, I have a

Speaker 1 what movie did she do that? Well, let's see. I'm just going to find out because she fell deep down the rabbit.
I know somebody that kind of like had to shift was Hallie Berry, Catwoman.

Speaker 1 Oh, that was bad for her. Yeah, that was bad for her.
But she's so cool and beautiful. And now she's in moonfall.

Speaker 1 She's in moonfall. That's good.
Is it better to burn out or to fade away?

Speaker 1 Wow, wow.

Speaker 1 Aren't they the same thing? No, what the fuck do you say? Wait, wait, burn out and fade away. They're both bad.

Speaker 1 Do you not know this song? No, no. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 1 Burn out or fade out and to fade away.

Speaker 1 My

Speaker 1 ve Maria.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 Who knows the song? Do you not know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 I want to know the difference between

Speaker 1 Neil Young. I want to know the difference between, I'm so sorry, burning out and fading away.
Burning out. I'll give you.
Okay, I'll give you a fading away. Fading away is what? Would be...

Speaker 1 Go ahead, Andres. You want to make an analogy of that?

Speaker 1 Who's an actor that's faded away? Like

Speaker 1 Bassingham. Kim Basinger basically faded away.

Speaker 1 Who's an actor that burnt out, fancy?

Speaker 1 Willis Smith. No.
No. I'd go Robert De Niro faded away.
Because he stopped doing like real roles. Yeah.
That's true. That is very fucked.

Speaker 1 That is so sad and so true because he started doing bad shit like lame shit because he didn't want to have to act anymore right he wanted to do like fucking the the fucker not the fuckers uh rocking bullwinkle that when he did that i was like what the fuck is going on he faded away now who burnt out but can i just johnny depp johnny depp burnt the fuck out

Speaker 1 he went out in flames he's going out in flames i don't think so i think there's gonna be a he'll never come back from this

Speaker 1 Those people, both of them, are like, are going to be fucking.

Speaker 1 I disagree. I'll bet you my bank account, neither of them will work work again what is work again

Speaker 1 okay neither

Speaker 1 they won't be movie stars ever again so what you're saying to me is that i'm not gonna be i'm not gonna sit in a theater you're not gonna see johnny depp in a blockbuster film you'll see him in indie movies maybe yeah yeah it's actually it's like james franco franco's never gonna work again but he'll work do you know what i mean they're never gonna make him a movie star again right because of all that but he is gonna do he'll work but he'll never be a he'll never be in blockbusters like he used to be

Speaker 1 no unless he does an indie movie that becomes a blockbuster, right?

Speaker 1 I know, but I think I love when that happens, but that'll only happen if, but the industry, the indie market is so fickle that I think they wouldn't let it go through. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Nicolas Cage, you know, that's someone who Nicholas Cage. But he's trying to come back, he is coming back through the movie.
That movie helped him. Yeah, that movie helped him.
It's not just that.

Speaker 1 He did Mandy, he did a bunch of like

Speaker 1 smaller movies. Really smaller movies that were really good.
Mandy was so good, right? So I think that he is coming back.

Speaker 1 He's trying, but but he has a chance to because he hasn't done anything fucking egregious. Right.

Speaker 1 These other guys are getting clicked, so they're doing fucked up shit, and then they're like, well, we can't let you back.

Speaker 1 That's what happens. Like,

Speaker 1 burning out, I think it's better to fade away than to burn out. I think burnout always looks bad.
Yeah. Neil Young was saying you should burn out.
He says it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's true.

Speaker 1 What would you want? I want to fade away. Yeah.
I want to say goodbye and good night.

Speaker 1 But either way, though, what does it mean? It's like, if I burned out, right?

Speaker 1 Let's suppose I burned out and I burned out with money. Like, you know who's burnt out? Who?

Speaker 1 But it's more tragic. Like, Britney Spear is burned out.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It's like sad and it's weird now.

Speaker 1 And now it's like, you know who's about to burn out? I sent you that article. Fucking Madonna.
If she keeps whatever up she's doing, she's about to burn out. She's gotten weirder and weird.

Speaker 1 Fucking like parting with Drake and Julia Fox. You're like, what are you, what? McDonough reveals fully nude NFTs and a shocking 3D model of her vagina.
Yeah, that's weird.

Speaker 1 It's going in a weird zone. It's getting in a weird zone.
But she's been a star for so many decades. That's the problem.

Speaker 1 So you got to slowly fade away. You don't need this anymore.
You don't need the money. You don't need the attention.
That's fucking hot as shit. That's hot as shit.
Look at her face of woman.

Speaker 1 It's like that of a tree.

Speaker 1 Oh, see, that's growing out of a pussy. I was right.
You're right.

Speaker 1 My dad.

Speaker 1 Always pushing against the resistance of the earth

Speaker 1 so that I won't be able to do it. This is beautiful, this video, by the way.

Speaker 1 Nor

Speaker 1 It's blurry. They blurred it on purpose.
Oh, they did? Did you see that loop? How incredible that was? It went back to a flower that turned into a vagina again? I'm buying it. Yeah.
Scroll down.

Speaker 1 I'm going to buy this NFT. I want to buy it.

Speaker 1 It's actually a beautiful poem that she wrote to go along with it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My issue inherently is.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's with Beeple. Who? Beeple.
Who the Beef?

Speaker 1 He's the biggest NFT guy. Or like he started as a digital artist that was huge and then jumped into the video.
Well, that video is incredible. I'm going to give her a lot of props.

Speaker 1 That was fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 I just think sometimes she's... Oh, now butterflies come out of her puss too.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
See, this is what happens.

Speaker 1 If you have a double vagina, a kid comes out of one, a tree grows out of the other one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you met a girl and she spread her legs and butterflies came out, what would you do?

Speaker 1 I'd save some of them.

Speaker 1 I know, but would you

Speaker 1 continue?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Can butterflies hurt your penis? I can't imagine they would nibble but do they have teeth

Speaker 1 they you're right i don't think they do i don't think they do butterflies have teeth i don't i don't think they do yeah but i think they would just flutter on your penis maybe it'd add to the vibration maybe or one would just land on the tip right just one on the tip

Speaker 1 just one on the tip butterflies don't have teeth they do have probiscs a probisque is basically an elongated snout that's straightened by hydrostatic pressure allowing them to drink the nectar from the tube like flowers they could drink out of the tip of your penis bob

Speaker 1 right They would die instantly. So

Speaker 1 they would die instantly. And they

Speaker 1 shrivel up. I think it'd be harmless.

Speaker 1 There's a fucking meme, or there's a, there's a trend on the internet going around about young people on TikTok and stuff that didn't know that Madonna's like a prayer was about a blowjob.

Speaker 1 It was?

Speaker 1 Are you fucking joking? No.

Speaker 1 Wait? Look at the lyrics for like a prayer. What do you mean? Just look up lyrics for like a prayer.
What? I thought it was about Jesus and praying.

Speaker 1 Well, sex and God and all these things are kind of intertwined. The poem she just did with that tree, zoom in and look at this.

Speaker 1 When you call my name, it's like a little prayer. I'm down on my knees.
I want to take you there. In the midnight hour, I can feel your power.
Yeah, that's God.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah, you're getting on your knees. You're in church, right? At the middle of the night, that's when God comes to you.
God comes, for sure.

Speaker 1 No, well, God comes to you at night and he comes.

Speaker 1 Let's read the lyrics. I close my eyes.
That's how I pray. Oh my God, I'm thinking, I'm falling.

Speaker 1 That's how I feel when I'm coming. I feel like I'm falling off the body.
No, I feel like my life is falling apart, and I'm falling. Well, this is a personal thing right now for you.
Right.

Speaker 1 So, um, out of the sky. Call my name is like a little prayer.
I'm down on my knees. I want to take you there.
Where would you want to take God to? I'm down on my knees. I want to take you there.

Speaker 1 Take you there to my pain. No.

Speaker 1 But see, you're reading between the lines here, baby. That's what music is, bitch.

Speaker 1 Music is all about misinterpreting. It's about interpreting.
You whisper softly to me. That's how God.
God doesn't yell.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yay! Cut it out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, he's like, cut it out.
No, no, no. God's a yeller.

Speaker 1 You're in control.

Speaker 1 You're in control just like a child. Now I'm dancing.
It's like a dream. No end, no beginning.
You're here with me. It's like a dream.
Let the choir sing. You call my name.

Speaker 1 It's like, okay, I'm down on my knees. Come on, man.
Midnight hour, I can feel your power. This is about giving head.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't read that word. Or getting head.

Speaker 1 Or getting head. It could be her getting head.
Okay.

Speaker 1 How about Papa Don't Preach, Dad?

Speaker 1 It's about fucking her dad.

Speaker 1 Buffy. The greatest thing that you've ever done for me, Andrew, of all time is doing the show with you.
I know.

Speaker 1 But the second greatest thing is you got me a Buffy comforter. I did.
And right now, that Buffy Comforter is on my main master bedroom. And here's why I like Buffy comforters genuinely.
Okay.

Speaker 1 It's about to be hot. It's starting to get hot in L.A.
Bingo. Buffy comforters don't get you sweaty.
Okay. They stay super soft.
It's huge for technology. It's like cool.
Like last night, it was hot.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And the Buffy Comforter was cool.
It's so cool. You know how sometimes you have to flip your pillow, right, to get the cool side? The Puffy Comforter is always cool.
It's always cool, baby.

Speaker 1 You don't have to flip it. It's softer than cotton.
It's naturally soothes your skin. It's sustainable.

Speaker 1 Eucalyptus uses 10 times less water than cotton to grow, and its fiber is produced by recyclable, earth-friendly solvents. It's hypoallergenic, just like Bobby, which means you won't sneeze.

Speaker 1 Plus, its high thread count shuts out dust, mold, mites for a healthier sleeping environment. It's machine-washable, man, thanks to an innovative stitching pattern that keeps it fluffy fill in place.

Speaker 1 It keeps it fluffy. The inside fill of each comforter is made from 100% recycled bottles that are transforming and given a second life.
It has a super fluffy fiber.

Speaker 1 It feels even softer than down while keeping approximately 50 bottles out of landfills and oceans. For $20 off your Buffy Comforter, visit Buffy.co and enter Bad Friends.

Speaker 1 You can try a comforter in your own bed for free. If you don't love it, return it at zero cost.
For $20 off your Buffy Comforter, visit Buffy.co, like I said, and enter Bad Friends. That's right.

Speaker 1 For $20 off your Buffy Comforter, visit Buffy.co and enter the code Bad Friends.

Speaker 1 Papa, Papa, I know you're going to be upset. All right, there you go.

Speaker 1 Because I was always your little girl, but you know by now, I'm not a baby. Oh, she's saying, I have hair down there.

Speaker 1 She's hitting on her dad. Right.

Speaker 1 Dad, I have hair down there. You always taught me right from wrong.
I need your help. Please be strong.
I may be young at heart, but you know what I'm saying. What are you saying?

Speaker 1 What are you saying, daughter?

Speaker 1 All of her stuff is sexualized. Well, like, I'm the dad.
Say that to me the way the lyrics are, and I'm the dad. You want me to sing them to you? Yeah, it's like, I'm home from school.

Speaker 1 Maybe she's from college. Papa, I know you're going to be upset because I was always your little girl.
What?

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. How is school? Well, you should know by now.
I'm not a baby.

Speaker 1 This sounds like the intro to a porn movie. You're right.
This is like a step porn movie. And you hear it.

Speaker 1 Daddy, please be strong. Yeah, yeah.
Hate the word daddy.

Speaker 1 I hate it. I hate it.
Does Klyle ever call you daddy? You don't do that sex stuff, Daddy. But she calls me Papa.

Speaker 1 That's cute. That's endearing.
That's endearing, yeah, but not daddy. You know whose wife calls him daddy.
Who?

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 When she was ready to go, she goes, Daddy, we have to go home now. Oh, my God,

Speaker 1 fancy. Yeah.
And he goes, Shut your mouth, Andrew. And he didn't want me to talk about it.
I didn't want to talk about it. No, you know what he does when he gets home?

Speaker 1 And this is not even a joke. I really believe this.

Speaker 1 You put on

Speaker 1 a black leather,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 Velvet. Velvet.
Like a gimp.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the mask has only a zipper here, right?

Speaker 1 And you get into a wooden fucking, you know what I mean, cabinet or something, right? And you go, good night. And she closes it.
She locks it, right? And that's how you sleep. That's how you sleep.

Speaker 1 Nothing sexual about it, but that's just comfort for him. Do you do that? Yeah, how do you know?

Speaker 1 Because that's how I'll fix it.

Speaker 1 I have a feeling. I just have a feeling feeling that Andres is the one in the relationship that wears lingerie.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He feels like he wants to be pretty.
Yeah, what is it when the girl fucks him with the dildo? Pegging. She pegs you.
Oh, yeah. Right? It's look, personal.

Speaker 1 You don't disclose this. You don't, we disclose it.
You don't have to. We're doing it for you.

Speaker 1 And then you look at the dildo and you go, made in the USA.

Speaker 1 Because you're an American now, right?

Speaker 1 That was part of becoming a citizen. Yeah.
You can only use dildos made in the USA

Speaker 1 or China because that's, you know. Can I say something? Every dildo is made in China.
I also want to just ask you a personal question, if you don't mind, right? He definitely minds. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't seem like somebody that is an aggressive aggressor, like in terms of like, who made the first move when it comes to boinking back in the day when you first dated her? I did.

Speaker 1 Do you believe that? No, I don't. I guess I don't either.
Yeah. Are you excited to go back to Oklahoma to film? I'm not going back.
Wait, where are you leaving to? Florida. Why? What's in Florida?

Speaker 1 I'm doing Will Sasso's movie. Oh, wow.
Just a couple of scenes. Is it something he wrote? No.

Speaker 1 I don't know who it is. He's in it.
Yeah, he's in it.

Speaker 1 He's the star of it, and they asked me to be in a couple of scenes. That's awesome.
Yeah, so I'm just going to go do that. Back to the old Mad TV days, you and the SAS.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I just worked with Ike and Nick Kroll and those guys for History of the World. Kroll wasn't on Mad TV, was he? No, but he was there.
He was around? He's like

Speaker 1 producing it or something. He's through the with Mel Brooks.
Is it a remake?

Speaker 1 They're doing the second part.

Speaker 1 I love that, you know.

Speaker 1 Well, the whole reason why I did it was because I thought, oh, I'm going to meet Mel Brooks, but I guess he's not. He doesn't come.
He does everything through Zoom because of COVID and stuff.

Speaker 1 He's an old man. He's 100.

Speaker 1 Isn't he the oldest man in the world? The 2,000-year-old man? The 2,000-year-old man.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 George. Because Mel Brooks is somebody.

Speaker 1 He's 95. Yeah, yeah.
He's insane.

Speaker 1 He's not 80. That's nuts.
That's insane. Because, you know, as a kid, even, I remember watching Space Balls or like,

Speaker 1 you know, Blazing Saddles.

Speaker 1 Young Frankenstein. Young Frank.
Oh, my God. One of the greatest movies of all time in terms of comedy.
That movie is so fucking funny. His bloodline is incredible.
What do you mean? Albert Brooks.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's his son?

Speaker 1 Are you joking? No, Albert Brooks is Mel Brooks' son

Speaker 1 what planet am i living on

Speaker 1 i did not know i honestly i did not know wait wait i i don't believe you i don't believe you i don't believe you somebody living like my son i i melmaleeds i will say isn't isn't uh uh super dave osborne was name his name was bob einstein he was albert brooks' brother isn't that true isn't that crazy albert brooks is bob einstein

Speaker 1 aka super dave osborne rest in peace is his brother

Speaker 1 he was so good He had the best joke. Albert Brooks' dad isn't

Speaker 1 number one. And also, the movie Mother has nothing to do with this robot correctly.
Anyway, yeah, yeah, I fucked it all up. Super Dave Osborne, by the way, has the best joke.

Speaker 1 Go to YouTube if you want a good laugh. Super Dave Osborne told a joke to Seinfeld and Larry David on the set of

Speaker 1 Curb. Do Super Dave Osborne Curb joke.

Speaker 1 And I got to tell you,

Speaker 1 maybe one of the funniest jokes I've ever seen live. And you can tell that neither of them know it was coming.

Speaker 1 That's it right there. Marty Funkhauser.
Watch this, Bob. You have to watch this clip.

Speaker 3 Jerry Marty Funkhauser. Hey, Marty, how you doing? How you doing? Good.
Want to hear a joke?

Speaker 3 He doesn't want to hear a joke. We got a read-through.
Yeah, we got a job. Let me just get right through it.
Okay. A woman's very afraid of the size of her opening.
What is she afraid of?

Speaker 3 The size of her opening.

Speaker 3 So she goes to her mother. She says, what am I going to do? I'm so big down there.
When I marry Harry, he's going to divorce me. Her mother says, don't worry, sweetheart.
It runs in the family.

Speaker 3 Do what I did when I married your father. Go to the market, get some raw liver, put it in there, he'll never know the difference.
Oh my God. So she does.

Speaker 3 They have eight hours of sex after their marriage. She wakes up at 10 o'clock.
He's gone, but there's a note on her pillow.

Speaker 3 It says, my darling Harriet, to think that I waited a year to consummate our love relationship makes my heart beat so loud I'm surprised it didn't wake you up.

Speaker 3 The only reason I'm not here now, darling, is I'm at work to make enough money to buy you a house, a picket fence, we'll have dogs and children.

Speaker 1 Ah, this is not so bad. Oh, yeah, this is great.
We finished the fucking joke, John. Army.

Speaker 3 When the five o'clock dinner bell rings, I will be home like the winged gossimer of your love in your arms, your loving husband, Harry.

Speaker 3 That's nice.

Speaker 1 P.S., your c is in the sink.

Speaker 1 From what I've heard, Seinfeld didn't know the joke was coming. Yeah, yeah.
So just rewind, just I want to see his response. Or just a second back when he says it.
Watch Seinfeld's face.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to see his.

Speaker 3 Dinner bell rings, I will be home like the winged gossimer of your love in your arms, your loving husband, Mary.

Speaker 3 That's nice. PS, your c is in the sink.

Speaker 1 Okay, you told the joke. Let's go.
How good is that? It surprised me.

Speaker 1 I didn't know it would be that revolting. Ladies and gentlemen, please hold on.
You really thought he was funny, I think, at first. Rest in peace.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking Bob Einstein.
He died?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Super Dave passed away. How?

Speaker 1 I don't remember. I remember it was only like a year or two ago, right? Wow, he died.
Yeah, Super Dave. Click on Super Dave.

Speaker 1 George, please.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't remember how he passed away.

Speaker 1 And he wasn't an old issue. He was a young man.

Speaker 1 He was 76. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's still young relatively, I guess. Oh, cancer.
Yeah, fuck. Cancer gets you.
It gets you.

Speaker 1 My buddy's going to see a family member that's got cancer today.

Speaker 1 And it's,

Speaker 1 that's it. I feel comedy coming.

Speaker 1 I feel the joke coming.

Speaker 1 The joke is.

Speaker 1 No. So whose friends has cancer? No, my buddy's uncle.
And he's going to see him today. I felt terrible for him because they got, like, you know, they get the end diagnosis.

Speaker 1 If I told you,

Speaker 1 it made me think, genuinely.

Speaker 1 If a doctor says, Bobby,

Speaker 1 you got four months to live.

Speaker 1 And this is it, it.

Speaker 1 What are you doing for four months? Are you going to quit the podcast? Oh, yeah. You'd quit? Fuck yeah.
Come on, man. No, there's just too much to do.
There's just too much to do.

Speaker 1 But we could, we could, we could, we could chronicle your cancer and your death. I got

Speaker 1 before that, I have to get this golden clock in Stardew Valley.

Speaker 1 Right? That's the first thing. Literally, the first thing is I gotta get, because I'm at four million dollars now, right? And it costs $10 million

Speaker 1 because I already bought the obelisks and I bought the fucking

Speaker 1 little staff that gets you returns home, right? So I'm like, I'm, I'm like a week away from getting the fucking golden clock. So that's the first thing I did.
You're right there.

Speaker 1 I'm right there, right? Would you quit Tiger Belly or Greg? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they're all gone.
There's too much to do, man. Okay, the second thing is that I would call Bethesda.

Speaker 1 Maryland? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bethesda. Yeah, I think they are in Maryland, but there is a city called Maryland, but Bethesda Softworks.
And I go, can I get an early audition of Starfield?

Speaker 1 Their new game that's coming out in November. An early edition, yeah.
Because I'm sure they're working out the kinks, but I go, kinks with all the kinks, I don't care because I'm dying in four months.

Speaker 1 I got to play it. I've been waiting 15 years for this fucking game.
Is kinks a racial epithet?

Speaker 1 What? I don't know. They used to call that to me in high school, but I was

Speaker 1 waved when they called me that. What's up, you fucking kink? And I'd be like, What's up? Yeah, yeah.
So, you want that? So, you want the golden clock? What else would I want?

Speaker 1 You want to get it's Stardew Valley, Bethesda asked if they can give you the early release. What else are you gonna do? Four months, man.

Speaker 1 And then, the real stuff, I would do that, but I'm being real, but also, I would make some amends,

Speaker 1 not all, right?

Speaker 1 And then I would also do this: there's a guy that that you can hire to speak on your behalf at your funeral.

Speaker 1 So there's a guy that you can hire. So this guy you hire, and he'll say stuff like,

Speaker 1 yeah, so Ted died, but he wants, your wife, Amanda,

Speaker 1 he's been seeing somebody else for the last 10 years. Or this guy will say stuff like, yeah, Frank, he was gay.
Right. Right? He didn't want to come out when I was alive.
What's this man called? What?

Speaker 1 I don't know what his name is. The Truth Spitter?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but I would hire him to say certain things to people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
While you were alive or waiting on the

Speaker 1 moment you don't know, yeah. So we have to get together with that guy and go, all right, so I want you to say this to Kevin, right? You have to say this to Kevin.

Speaker 1 But Kevin won't go to your funeral, but I'm going to make sure he goes. I like that.
Yeah, yeah. You have to say this to Dr.
Ken.

Speaker 1 You have to say this to Andrew. Yeah, right.
To me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's just certain things that he needs to say to the people that I can't say, you know what I mean, while I'm alive. What is it for me that I love you? Is that what you can't say to me?

Speaker 1 It was okay.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I wouldn't have hired him to do that. No, I would say all the things that I was going to say to you, I would say to your face.
Yeah, I would hope so. There would be some letters, right?

Speaker 1 And then there would be some stuff that I would want to say after I'm dead. And then, um,

Speaker 1 are you taking any trips? Four months, you're about to die. You're not going to go on there.
Where am I going to go? I'm going to be dead there, too. I mean, I'm dead.
I'm dead.

Speaker 1 No, but I'm jumping on a private jet to go where? All the places I haven't been.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but for me, I've never been everywhere, but I've been to every environment. I would jump on a private jet, spend 24 hours in a bunch of different places, and just keep jetting around.

Speaker 1 I would waste all my money on private jets. What I'm saying is, what's the difference between Tulum and Hawaii? If they're all tropical, so why would you want...

Speaker 1 I haven't been to Tulum, but I've been to Hawaii, who gives a fuck, right? I think Tulum and Hawaii are completely different places. I know, but in terms of

Speaker 1 temperature? Climate. Okay, there's way more than just temperature.
All right, so there's palm trees in Hawaii and Tulum. What else is different? Except for Mexicans.
Culture, food. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 But like the hotel room is what Bobby's saying. Right, yeah, the hotel room.
Yeah, the four seasons is the four seasons everywhere. That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying. I understand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's insane.
Right. So I've been to

Speaker 1 cold places. Like, I've never been to Antarctica, but like, why would I want to go there? Why not? I've been to Canada.
A lot of us. It's the same place.
Yeah, yeah. The feeling is.

Speaker 1 It's a little bit more south. A little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so you're not taking trips.
Right, not going to do trips. What else?

Speaker 1 Are you going to go try anything like are you gonna jump out of an airplane or bungee jump or do something you've never done before no because i'm gonna be in heaven i'm gonna do that there you don't have bungee jumping anymore in heaven after the accident oh really they had to stop doing it you would think there would be like you have a little bungee attached to a cloud one guy fucks up it ruins it for everybody else

Speaker 1 he went all the way down to hell right right it snapped pull me back up

Speaker 1 just couldn't yeah so then um what else would i do um a lot of like real amends like i'm sorry that i did that but what about for you? What about what?

Speaker 1 Don't you want to feel some gratification for would you use again? You'd probably relapse. No, I wouldn't.
You wouldn't? No, I want to see God sober.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know. I'm going to be dying.

Speaker 1 Sorry, God. Hold on.

Speaker 1 I'm a little bit, I'm going to the heroin detox. Do you think when you die of heroin, you're high when you get to heaven or hell? I think you're groggy a little bit up there.

Speaker 1 So, how many days did it take to get back to normal? Probably a week. Yeah.
You just sign a cloud.

Speaker 1 Just twitching.

Speaker 1 I'm going through fucking withdrawals, withdrawals, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The worst would be if

Speaker 1 you're going through withdrawals and then you're in a pit of fire in hell. And you never get away from the withdrawals.
That's what hell is. Wow.
You withdraw for the rest of time.

Speaker 1 That'd be fucking. What would you do? I told you partially.

Speaker 1 I would get on a private jet and I would literally tour with my family and friends all over the world and just spend like a day in a bunch of crazy places, spend money, eat.

Speaker 1 That means he has money.

Speaker 1 Eat as much food. Well, I'd spend every dime I have.
Right.

Speaker 1 I had zero intention on keeping any of my money if i knew i was gonna die oh so you wouldn't leave some for your sister for who your sister get a fucking job

Speaker 1 your family get a fucking job yeah yeah no i would leave some for my brother and zero not one fucking dime will be left when i die why i can't have a little no nothing i'm spending literally all of it in fact i'm gonna have an accountant budget out what i could spend where i could eat fancy restaurants private chefs i would spend every dime i've ever fucking worked hard to make and save i'd take it all out of everything that i've ever invested in and i would throw it

Speaker 1 I would throw it away so fucking fast, but I wouldn't buy things. I would buy experiences.
I'm buying private jets all over the world to exotic places to eat amazing meals and

Speaker 1 bone my woman on the beach

Speaker 1 and get a ticket for it. Yeah.
Go to prison for it.

Speaker 1 And then I would, after I

Speaker 1 tour around the world for one month, jet, jet, jet setting.

Speaker 1 Then I would spend the next month

Speaker 1 seeing seeing family and extended members of friends and saying my goodbye. And I would say, because I don't want this close to the end, I want to do it now and get it over with.

Speaker 1 And then the last two months,

Speaker 1 I would try to physically set Hollywood on fire.

Speaker 1 I would literally go to every studio. I would see every studio.
I'll help you do that. And I would, every studio,

Speaker 1 comically,

Speaker 1 I would try to blow up every studio. You know what I would do the day after your funeral?

Speaker 1 This would be devastating. So I'm at your funeral.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 People are grieving. Yeah, they're grieving.
I'll say, I'll hug your parents. Right.
Your sister, I'll hug a little extra. No.
Yeah, just a little extra because she's grieving.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 It's okay.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Hold on. No.
Right. So then,

Speaker 1 and the next day I would come to the studio and continue bad friends with Anthony Jeselnick.

Speaker 1 Would you be mad? No.

Speaker 1 You'd be in heaven. The money would still go to my account.
Would it really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've set it up that way.

Speaker 1 Right, right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 Honestly, would you guys, please, if he died and Doc still wanted to do it and Jules and everyone wanted to do it and we just needed a second guy, it would not be the same without you, okay?

Speaker 1 But would you, if I, would you continue it? Be honest. I would hope you would.

Speaker 1 Just because I'm worked really hard on the name and the brand. Right.
Who's we? Me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So the brand, baby.
So, what would you do, man?

Speaker 1 I would definitely keep doing it. Yeah.
How about you, George? No way. No way.
It wouldn't be the same. You got to start something different.
God bless you. Oh, we would change the name a little bit.

Speaker 1 Stop it. George.
Good friends. George Kimmel.

Speaker 1 You're the fucking man. I love you to death.
You see that? I was giving you guys an out. I said, yeah, you should continue doing it.

Speaker 1 But George, what he said, he goes, we should change the name and start a new show. What would you do the day after my funeral? I'd get Ken Jong in here.

Speaker 1 I just, I know so many more Koreans now. I know you do.
So Stephen Young could pop right by. Yeah.
You know who would really fit in? David. Choke? Yeah.
I would fucking love to do it.

Speaker 1 That would be a banger. No, but let's be honest.
You want the truth? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Nobody

Speaker 1 in my comedy career have I ever had what I have with you. Yeah, me too.
Nobody. Me too.
No, no, I'm serious. I'm being real.

Speaker 1 There's nobody I've meshed with as more as fun as we do comedically than any comic I've ever worked with. So, no.
It would never be the same.

Speaker 1 And that being said, we want to take two seconds right now to say thank you to the fans. It means a lot to us that you guys watch the show.

Speaker 1 We continue doing the show with or without Little Black Magic and Rudy. They'll both be back when they can.
We also want to remind you, we are doing more fan interactions.

Speaker 1 We're going to be setting up some stuff, and we're not going to announce the date, but we are going to be doing a Bad Friends live soon,

Speaker 1 doing a Bad Friends live stream soon. So you can see that we've got a ton of special surprises.
In 2023, we also want to do way more live dates. Yeah.
Me and Andrew go on the road. Next year,

Speaker 1 we want to do a bunch of stuff together to come see you guys. We're also going to sometimes now have some guests on.
We're going to start having guests on the show as well.

Speaker 1 So if you guys

Speaker 1 have

Speaker 1 name down below who you guys think you would want on this show. So comment who you guys think you'd want on the show.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we'll start having some fun guests on the show because we think it'd be nice to mix it up a little bit. And then

Speaker 1 after that, I want Andres to close out the show and

Speaker 1 take us home, fans.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 4 As a raider scavenging a derelict world, you settle into an underground settlement.

Speaker 4 But now you must return to the surface,

Speaker 4 where Arc machines roam.

Speaker 4 If you're brave enough, who knows what you might find?

Speaker 4 Arc Raiders, a multiplayer extraction adventure video game. Buy now for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S, and PC.

Speaker 1 Rated T for Team.