The Cookout & Dave Chappelle's Stage Stormer

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who You are these two idiots.

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends. Did you bring anything to the cookout? That's today.
Oh, my God. No, is that today? Yes, Rudy, did you bring something to the cookout? Andrews? You fucking called me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you're doing the show. Did you bring anything for the cookout? You told me to bring something for the cookout.
You were supposed to bring something for the cookout. Wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
No, no, don't point at the guys.

Speaker 1 What are those guys? What are they doing, though? They're a shame that you didn't bring something to the cookout. Yeah, but why didn't they remind me to bring.

Speaker 1 Andreas, why didn't you remind me to bring something to the cookout?

Speaker 1 Because we recorded three days ago. Yeah, I knew you wouldn't.

Speaker 1 You knew that I wouldn't? Yeah. Yeah, we knew you wouldn't do shit.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't do it. What?

Speaker 1 What fucking piece of shit you are? No, no, no. You.
Don't pass the buck to him. Yeah.
You're a scumbag. You didn't bring shit to the cookout.
I like Juliana. And we did.

Speaker 2 I thought Andreas would text you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he text you? Yeah.
So you reminded her? Yeah, I can drop part. And you didn't remind me.
Yeah. Okay.
Bring me my potato salad.

Speaker 1 So, hey, Bobby reminded me yesterday. Hey, hey.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey,

Speaker 1 fuck you. Hey, hey, hey, hey, be nice.
Fuck you, and fuck you. You didn't bring shit.
I brought my fucking potato salad.

Speaker 1 Now, where's your beers that you're going to bring? They're the fucking. First of all, they're in the fridge right now.
Would you like a beer, Bobby?

Speaker 1 The beer that we're already in here, you're supposed to bring fresh beer, dude. Oh, you want fresh beer? Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 Where's the kimchi? It's right there. Bro, what the fuck? You told me to bring potato salad.
No, I told you to come to the fucking show at

Speaker 1 tomorrow, but you also told me yesterday to bring the potato salad. That's why I brought that shit.
He brought the potato salad. No, I never thought I.
You said that. You told me that yesterday.

Speaker 1 That's the only reason I bought it. I didn't even know I had to bring anything because you told me that when you said do the show.
Say tomorrow. Now, here's what we're going to have to do.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Here's what we're going to have to do. Why are you talking to me in that tone? I like it.
I like it. No, no, but why are you talking to me in that tone? Because you beat bullshit.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 First of all, I called you yesterday to do the show tomorrow night, right? And you're like, ah, nah, nah, I don't do the store. That was crazy.
No, it wasn't. Why? Because you already know.

Speaker 1 We have this discussion on how I feel about the store.

Speaker 1 This is not the store.

Speaker 1 It's not a store-sponsored thing. You're part of the Bad Friends family.
We're doing a Bad Friends show at the comedy store, and that's what I invited you to. Once I realized that, I said, okay.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. All right.

Speaker 1 Did you drink today? A little bit.

Speaker 1 I can tell.

Speaker 1 I can tell. I can tell.
All right.

Speaker 1 So, first of all, welcome to the cookout. Welcome to the cookout.
Rudy, do you want to explain what you brought? What is this?

Speaker 2 I brought a sponge cake that is very famous in the Philippines. It's called mamon.

Speaker 1 Mamon. Mamon.

Speaker 2 Or we call it torta sometimes.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Torta is Mexican.
Yeah, Mexican. That's not yours.
You can't just have that. Wait, so is this it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 This says ube encinam and samada. Ube ensamada.

Speaker 1 Is this good? Does it need to be heated up?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 Is that cheese on top?

Speaker 1 Yeah. They have cheese too down there.
All right. So, oh, it's really soft.
So do we all have to try this? Yeah, I've already had a couple, so I'm past.

Speaker 1 And now, what's inside of this as I get grossed out? What is that purple stuff that's in there? It's just cream. Purple cream? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just try it. Look at it.
Okay, wait a minute. You want to try one of these ube and sanambas? Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, and this is all. The whole bag is filled with this, right? Yeah.
It's just one thing. Do you guys want to try one? I'm good.

Speaker 1 Here, Pete, let's see if we can do this without knocking anything over.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Good catch, Pete.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 All right, so let me try one. Let's try a little bit of ube and sanaba because we want to try everybody's everything that we brought to

Speaker 1 the cookout here. What do you need, Doc for? I'm going to grab this for it.
We're involved in these fellas.

Speaker 1 Eat mouthy. Whoa.
Good. Shut your ponkass.
All right, I'm ready. So what is he has hostility toward me? This is good.
It's good, right? It's not hostility. You know why he's

Speaker 1 hostile? Why? He just got out of jail. He stormed the stage at Dave Chappelle.

Speaker 1 Was that you, Doc? Fucking no. It looked like you.
I was like,

Speaker 1 dude, they beat the shit out of that guy.

Speaker 1 Did you see the pictures of this guy? No. Bring up the photo of this guy.
Look at the guy that stormed it. This fucking guy, you know what happened.
After it was over, they gave him a couple more.

Speaker 1 You know? They gave him a couple more. I don't know exactly what happened.
I just know that he was assaulted. He storms the stage.

Speaker 1 That's him. The clearest one is like the fifth one down.
Do you see it? Here, I got got it right here. Oh, you do? Yeah.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And why did he say that? Zoom in on this. Why did he say it? Why did he do it? Well, I don't know motive yet.
But apparently, somebody said he had. Oh, shit.
You don't.

Speaker 1 A Bobby Lee show assault. Nothing will happen.
Assault. Yeah.
Yeah. Attack Bobby because at his show, it'll just give you a hug.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. But this guy got caught up in the Matrix.
Fuck. What's that called in black culture when that happens to this guy, Doc? Beat down.
Getting beat down. Beat down.

Speaker 1 You're getting beat the fuck down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, here's the deal: so he tackles Dave, and apparently, he's got like a knife or something that looks like a gun or a knife. I can't, I don't know the details.

Speaker 1 And Dave got out of the way.

Speaker 1 Good timing on Dave, dodged. He uses

Speaker 1 your technique of dodging elephants. Yeah, look, that's what it is.
It was a knife that looked like a gun.

Speaker 1 You think he'll PTSD from it? Dave? Yeah. No.

Speaker 1 No. Because he fucked it.
It seems traumatic, though. It looks like he won.
Do you know what I mean? I know, but still,

Speaker 1 he did win. Do you know what I mean? I understand that.
It just feels like Dave is like...

Speaker 1 I don't know. Maybe his security will get tighter.
No one will be able to access the stage, period, now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I just don't understand how, because I've been to a cure concert. And like, how do I get up there to attack Robert Smith?

Speaker 1 I wouldn't. But I'm just saying, how would you even be able to do it? I mean, the Hollywood Bowl, you've been.
You can walk right up to the stage. Yeah.
Oh, I see.

Speaker 1 I think what you can do is, we're giving tips on how to do this.

Speaker 1 What is this that you brought, Pete? Is this a burrito? This is sausage and peppers, sausichi pepperoo. It's Italian cookout.
Oh my god, this guy brought an entire sausage and pep.

Speaker 1 He probably made it at home, too. Dude, let me tell you something about sausage and pep.
Oh, it's nice and sticky.

Speaker 1 Whoa, Bobby, you've never had sausage and peppers, have you? Oh, never. You don't know nothing about it.
What is a pep there? Italiano, the sausage, saus and pep. This is so good, Pete.

Speaker 1 Where'd you get this from?

Speaker 1 Italian market. It's called Mario's.
Do me a huge favor. I'm not kidding.
Take a bite of this. You're going to fucking lose your mind.
You might hit a meatball sandwich for Lip Charlie or something.

Speaker 1 But you gotta. All right.
You gotta. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 How good is that? Mamma Mia. Mama Mia.
Bada boom, bada bing. Bada bing, bada boom.
You looking at me? Come on, T.

Speaker 1 Hey, T, this guy's over here talking shit. You gonna let him talk to you like that?

Speaker 1 You never watched the Sopranos, did you? I love them. Yeah.
You have a napkin? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the last thing we need to have you eat at the cookout is the potato salad and the kimchi and that. You got got to try all of it.

Speaker 1 Why me, though? Because you didn't bring anything. I brought the fucking potato salad.
Who brought the potato salad? Was it Rudy? On the way over here, where did we go? Ralph's. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whose idea was it, though?

Speaker 2 Do Bobby's.

Speaker 1 To pick it up and buy it? Yeah. Don't do that.

Speaker 1 Fuck you. Don't do that because you know he didn't bring it.
Can I have one of those pieces? I did bring it.

Speaker 1 What an unbelievable waste of food. I hope we don't err in a country where they're struggling to get food.

Speaker 1 You do. You mean? What? I hope none of our fans are in countries where they can't get food.
Well, I looked it up, and Ethiopia is

Speaker 1 huge in Ethiopia. We're not huge in Ethiopia.
It's good to know we got fans. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, yeah. So listen, here's the bottom line.
Bob,

Speaker 1 you brought your salad. Yep.

Speaker 1 And he brought his.

Speaker 1 But the problem was,

Speaker 1 we wanted it homemade because you said black people and potato salad,

Speaker 1 we make the best and we care about which one, where it comes from.

Speaker 1 This is just Von's. Yeah, I get it.
But why did you rouse? I wanted you to bring your potato salad. What do you want me to do? I don't have a fucking kitchen in my studio.

Speaker 1 If I would have had one, I would have fucking made one. I mean, what the fuck? What's up, sir? Wait a minute.
Wait, wait. Let me ask you something.
How's that my problem?

Speaker 1 Let's talk about.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you some questions? Oh, go ahead. And I'm not insulting you, and I'm not going to be afraid of you.
Dog, I don't give a fuck. I'm going to give you what you do.
Say it. Let's go to basics.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's go. Do you have a bathroom? Yes.
Okay, with a shower and everything. So you can make wine in the toilet.
Shower, but not a bathtub. You don't have a bathtub, but you have a shower.
No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you don't.
No, I don't have a bathtub. But you don't take baths, do you, dog? No, a shower.
But if you had a bathtub, you would take a bath. No.

Speaker 1 You don't like basting? No. I love bathtubs.
Because when you wash yourself down and all that nut juice and all that sitting in there, it's like a fucking bath. Okay, Carl.

Speaker 1 You don't say something right now, bro. What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know how much nut juice comes out of your nose.

Speaker 1 I obviously say a ton. A ton, right?

Speaker 1 It must be just a faucet of fucking nut juice.

Speaker 1 Like there's a knob and

Speaker 1 nudge. Listen, okay.
Black nut juice. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Black nut juice. What you do is this.
I don't plug in the fucking thing at first. What I do is I let the faucet run in the bath.
I stick my asshole to it, and I take pine tar soap.

Speaker 1 It's what I use, right? And I stick the bar inside the asshole

Speaker 1 and I wash it out.

Speaker 1 Then my nut juice, I squirt out some into the little fucking closet. Yeah, little, you know, I don't have as much as you do.
I have like three little squirts. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Nut juice, nut juice, nut juice, right? Then I wash out my dick, right? And then I pluck it up. So all the nut juice and shit juice is all in the drain, baby.
All in the drain. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I put hot water in. I put some Epsom salt.
Right. And I take a little bath.
Yeah. And it's relaxing.
You ever bath bomb? You ever take one of those baths? I do. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sometimes I'll go to like Lush. Oh, I love it.
Don't you love Lush? Oh, I love it. The rainbow ones where it makes all the colors.
Oh, bubble up on me bath.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like it's like, did Ellen John Farton here?

Speaker 1 I thought you said Ellen at first. That would also be the first time.
So the joke would have been better if I would have said it right. Did Ellen, John, and Farton? Yeah, I fucked up the joke.

Speaker 1 That's Elton, John, and Ellen together. Yeah, Ellen, John.
Ellen, John Farton here. Do you take baths, Rudy?

Speaker 2 No, I don't like it.

Speaker 1 Why? Because it was like a, was it an evil thing back in the Philippines?

Speaker 2 No, I just can't rest.

Speaker 1 Don't you rest in the bath? What? What?

Speaker 2 Don't you rest? That's what white people do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we just hang out.

Speaker 2 I can't do that.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, white stew? He does it too.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You think it's only a white thing?

Speaker 2 That's what I see in TVs.

Speaker 1 What were the showers like in the Philippines?

Speaker 1 Did they time you?

Speaker 2 There's no shower. You just have a tub.
A bucket. Yeah, and then you just do that.

Speaker 1 Relaxing. Is that relaxing? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it seems relaxing. But you got to get through it before the water gets cold.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's no hot hot water. It's about three cold.

Speaker 1 Do you boil it? No. No, it's just all cold.
Yeah. Is the water where's the water from? The river?

Speaker 2 We have a tank.

Speaker 1 There's a tank, yeah. A well?

Speaker 1 No, a tank.

Speaker 1 So it's a water tank. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They put the river water in the water tank. Right? It's clean.
It's clean. Where's the water from?

Speaker 1 I'm not making fun of you.

Speaker 2 I don't know, but I see like trucks and they just put water in the tanks.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's the same truck that uses the porter potties that they bring those.

Speaker 1 So y'all use cold water. Yeah.
What? So you got a good immune system there.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Because, you know, because, you know, when you take a cold shower, this is black coffee.

Speaker 1 This is all black hats.

Speaker 1 Right, man.

Speaker 1 When you take a cold shower, you ain't going to get COVID. No.

Speaker 1 By the way, this motherfucker got COVID like three times.

Speaker 1 I need to take cold showers. You still should start.
So when you take cold showers, what happens is your body gets cold, break it down, and then your fucking blood gets to fucking, you know.

Speaker 1 I have a theory, though. I know, well, I know like cold baths are really good for you have to work out for muscles.

Speaker 1 When I go to the Korean spa, I'll go to the.

Speaker 1 It may heighten your immune system.

Speaker 1 Get it!

Speaker 1 Yeah, smoking may kill you. Oh, but then you may not be able to kill the kids.
Well, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 I can say may kill you. So, the doctors say it, nothing.
You may be six feet tall.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Most likely not.
I may. I am not.
Yeah, you are not. You are not.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I have a theory that going to the hot sauna and then going into the cold plunge and going back and back and forth will elevate my life extended well they do say do like doing that is good it tricks your body so it is good for you like you have you ever done um cryotherapy no it's not oh give me cake can we go yeah I'll do cryo cryo is amazing I mean you basically are in like a freezing tank you're standing up in like a the it uses um look at that there's cryo right there look at that negative 243

Speaker 1 wow does it build? Does it lukewarm and then it builds to cold or is it cold up front? No, it's freezing fucking cold. Fucking outer space is minus 275.
That's fucking shit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, you got to wear gloves and stuff and you got to protect yourself. Otherwise you'll get frostbite and die.
And you can only be there for, I don't even know. It's really quick.

Speaker 1 Did you know in 2029, 2028, or 2029, there's going to be space resorts? Don't get him. Now you're getting him started on NASA show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So there's going to be space resorts, and I might book a weekend there. How much is it? I don't know how much it's going to be, but that's what I heard.
Space resort, you can go to space.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a resort

Speaker 1 in seven years. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck, they're flying along. The world's first space hotel will open in 2027.
Yeah, look at that.

Speaker 1 Do you want to go in on a vacation home? That's 50-50.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm so down.
We have a timeshare.

Speaker 2 Can I go? No.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not going. Why not? You're so skinny to float away into the fucking abyss.

Speaker 2 I want to see space.

Speaker 1 Nah.

Speaker 1 Look at the sky. Yeah, look at the sky.
That's space. You're in space right now.
Yeah. Space tourism is no longer stuff of the science fiction.

Speaker 1 We're just around the corner, aside from private missions.

Speaker 1 This says it's going to have 2027. Wow.
So where is it? Mars? Got to be Mars? No.

Speaker 1 It just probably.

Speaker 1 Floating?

Speaker 1 Just floating? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not that far from Earth. Take me to a planet or fuck off.
I want to go to another planet.

Speaker 1 Can we start with just floating in space and then look at other planets? I don't want to. I want to go right to the thing.
I wanted to go right to the best ride.

Speaker 1 When we went to fucking Six Flags, what did we do? Did we start off with some bullshit? Or do we do the fucking X2? X2. We did X2.
We did X2, right? Yeah, yeah. Why am I fucking?

Speaker 1 Why would I want to go toy around it? Just take me to the fucking planet. I gave her a scenario there.
Remember, we're driving, and I go, if there was a planet, right, that had the same

Speaker 1 atmospheric conditions that Earth did, right? But we knew nothing about it, would you just move there forever?

Speaker 1 And she said, yes. I would immediately.

Speaker 1 That's insane. What else do I have to live for down here? Your wife? Oh,

Speaker 1 like I can't get a new fucking wife in space?

Speaker 1 Space pussy? No.

Speaker 1 You don't know what to do. Andrew.
Andrew. Yeah, yeah.
Great to meet you. I've been waiting for you.
I have 75 vaginas. You can fuck all of them.
Imagine. Yeah.
Imagine.

Speaker 1 You don't know what they're doing.

Speaker 1 There's got to be a couple of damaged ones. Two of them bite your dick off.

Speaker 1 It's like Russian roulette. What two of them are like real nice, though.
Yeah, but you got to find them. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The Kepler data calculated the Milky Way could harbor as many as 6 billion Earth-like planets. Well, another estimated the number of potentially habitable planets in our galaxy, about 300 million.

Speaker 1 You're telling me you wouldn't take the opportunity to go live on another planet knowing

Speaker 1 you would survive. Okay, you're not going to die right away.
Yeah, you could, because we don't know what the kind of viruses are on the planet.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, but you just did say it was the same atmosphere as here, so we can breathe, just find us. No, it has oxygen and water, right? And water, but we don't know what viruses.

Speaker 1 There's probably new viruses there. Very good.
What? He's right.

Speaker 1 You never know what to fucking do.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much. Now, do you regret though? Now he's on your side.

Speaker 1 Feel good. Oh, God.
In a debate team, I would be scared, but not yet. You shouldn't be.
Bobby doesn't. Good shit.
Let me tell you something. Yeah.
I don't give a fuck what viruses exist up there.

Speaker 1 Or creatures. We don't know what kind of creatures live there.
You'll be embedded in history forever for being one of the first people to go try it. I would rather be that.
But let me ask you this.

Speaker 1 Then fucking die just doing this podcast. But you have to bring six people.
What six would you bring? You. Why?

Speaker 1 I could use you as a shield.

Speaker 1 I just feel like I would be the experimental guy. Yeah, I don't know.
Go to the cave. Go to the cave.
No, Bob, come on.

Speaker 1 Just go down. Yeah.
And I go in the cave.

Speaker 1 And I'm dead. We can't go in that cave.

Speaker 1 I would bring Griff, Eric Griffin.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 Oh, I know why. Why? Food sampling.

Speaker 1 He would eat anything. Taste that.

Speaker 1 He eats it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Explosion.
Can't eat it. So we've got to bring Griffin.
Then you have to bring a sacrificial lamb. You know what that is, right? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, if the creatures are like, you know, we need one of you, and then we'll let you go free. Who do I bring?

Speaker 1 I'll do it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 See, that's what's disgusting.

Speaker 1 She loves it. Yeah.
She thinks it's going to be some kind of alien orgy. That's why she wants to go.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who would you bring Doc?

Speaker 1 For science. We need the science guy.
He has a turtle.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I would bring you, but

Speaker 1 you'd have to shut the fuck up about the space. Because he'd be sitting there all day.
No, you know,

Speaker 1 I was reading the Pentagon Report from the DIA.

Speaker 1 These little rocks. He'd go on and on.
And

Speaker 1 you'd be exhausted. And another thing he would be doing is he'd drift away, right? And he'd try to pick up berries.

Speaker 1 And then he would

Speaker 1 build some

Speaker 1 wood apparatus.

Speaker 1 What are you doing? I'm making wine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You'd be looking to get wine. You'd be getting up in the cross.
Because we wouldn't allow the wine, but you would pop it. Yeah, go ahead.
Okay, let me ask you this.

Speaker 1 What if it was survivor style, though? You dropped off at that planet. You still would do it?

Speaker 1 And if dinosaurs, dinosaurs are still

Speaker 1 dinosaurs, right? We can buy dinosaur bombs. Yeah, they sell dinosaurs.

Speaker 1 But if dinosaurs were still Romans, that's the planet. I love those dinosaurs.
But you still do it. No, that's...
But

Speaker 1 you've added too many shaky elements. What are you going to say?

Speaker 1 What you're saying is that we get captured and we get dropped off there as some sort of experiment. There it is.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm talking about. All right.
So what you're saying is that if...

Speaker 1 We can't choose who we get dropped off with, then, do we?

Speaker 1 You can still.

Speaker 1 Whatever makes you curse. So the alien comes down and goes, we're going to capture you, but you get to choose the five that you get captured with.
Or no, I think they would just randomly.

Speaker 1 They're very diplomatic like that. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Let me say this.

Speaker 1 If dinosaurs were on any of these places, I I would never go.

Speaker 1 You're done.

Speaker 1 You're absolutely fucking. If it weren't for the asteroid that killed those fucking things, we wouldn't exist.

Speaker 1 The only reason I think that happened universally is to save human race or, you know, whatever we came from to eventually get us to be this point.

Speaker 1 Because dinosaurs were going to roam this thing for a while. Dinosaurs were created by the devil to make us think that there were dinosaurs, okay? Can you believe that, shit?

Speaker 1 All right. Because the Earth has only been around for like three or

Speaker 1 five thousand years so just just a little bit longer than we've been here yeah yeah hmm seems weird yeah don't we have proof that there's fucking 10 000 year old devil did it all oh it's fake yeah yeah to trick us huh to not to believe in the bible well yeah i gotta i like this devil to not believe in the bible

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Speaker 1 You guys,

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Yeah, since you've known me. But no, but since you've known me, because in our old studio and this studio, we have the tushy.

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Speaker 1 Better help. Hey, life can be very overwhelming.
Many people tell me that again. You can get burnt out, you know, and bummed without even knowing it.
You can be without motivation.

Speaker 1 You can feel helpless or trapped, detachment, fatigue, and so much more. And these are all signs that you may need to get a little bit of arable solution.

Speaker 1 Better help, dude, because I've been using BetterHelp. And it's, you know, all the sadness and the trauma and all that.
It's been relieved. I feel free as a little fly baby.
A little fly baby? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We associate burnout with work, but that's not the only cause. Any of our roles in life can lead us to feel burned out.
And BetterHelp Online Therapy wants to remind you to prioritize yourself.

Speaker 1 Talking with someone can help you figure out what's causing stress in your life. Yep.
So look, Bob and I both talked about this.

Speaker 1 We use it. I do love it.
I do think that perhaps online therapy might be right for you. You don't have to go to a weird office.
You can stay at home, which Bob loves.

Speaker 1 It's customized online therapy from BetterHelp that offers video and phone, even live chat sessions, which is a therapist. You don't have to turn on your camera if you don't want to.

Speaker 1 And it's much more affordable than in-person therapy. And you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours.
But you, Jules. How can they get the deal, Jules?

Speaker 2 Bad friends listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 That's better H-E-L-P dot com slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 Zombie apocalypse, though, right? I would definitely bring you. Now, why is that? Because you're small.
You're low to the ground. You're low to the ground.
You can get us stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go to the fucking Gelson's, man. Bobby, you're only an inch taller than me, but go here.
Fuck you. Yeah, but that inch is a dead giveaway.
Dead giveaway. They see him.

Speaker 1 That yellow beanie, they're going to see for mine. Yeah, I always wear my beanie.

Speaker 1 And at night, we can just, you know, let you go, and you can just scramble on the earth down to wherever you need to go grab stuff and then come right back. I imagine Doc is a zombie.

Speaker 1 We just have to let him in. Let him in.
He's not scary at all. He's just going to do it.
Just drunk.

Speaker 1 Drunk zombie.

Speaker 1 Come on, Barco.

Speaker 1 Just taking a nap.

Speaker 1 I still have my zombie. Do it, Doc.
Do it, Doc. Zombie in Prussia.

Speaker 1 Do the combo, all right? You gotta

Speaker 1 try it.

Speaker 1 Come on, man.

Speaker 1 That's what you got, David. I don't really get it.

Speaker 1 That's doc. That's like,

Speaker 1 Tito, Tito.

Speaker 1 Come on, Baby Mirror. Yeah.
Look, I want to say this before we continue on with the fun. This, what is this called again? Mamun.
Mamun? This stuff's fucking good. Yeah.
Shout out to Mamun, Okay.

Speaker 1 You like the Italian sub? Mm-hmm. Pretty good.
You don't want to break into the potato salad, do you? Well, I brought my own. So I'm going to try some of mine.

Speaker 1 So Doc says that is there a ranking system to potato salad? Yeah. Really? It depends on your.
I want you to try both of these and tell me which one is better.

Speaker 1 Why don't we do this? You guys put two on a plate. Oh, yeah.
Mix it about and see which one's better. And see which one he says.

Speaker 1 Go over there.

Speaker 1 So this one's Doc. This one's mine.
That's so good. This is so fun.
This is like the Pepsi challenge. Yeah.
That's fun, yeah. When they're like, this one's way better.
I'm a Coke fan.

Speaker 1 They're like, no, it was Pepsi. Yeah.
I never believed that. I thought it was always the other one anyway.
Or they put Pepsi in both, and I was like, this is a fucking scam. Another thing I asked

Speaker 1 Miss Juliana was in the car right over. I said, what drugs have you tried? She goes, I haven't tried any drug except from weed.
Yeah. And then I go,

Speaker 1 if Harry Stiles was shooting heroin. Oh, come on.
Would you shoot heroin with him? And she said, yes.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Are you serious? You would do that?

Speaker 2 But that's never gonna happen.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck knows? This show is getting popular.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. You would really do that?

Speaker 2 If it's with Harry, then yeah.

Speaker 1 You would do anything. Would you murder another human being if Harry Stella says, I'd fuck you? Yeah.
Wow. Wow.

Speaker 1 What if he said, okay, how about would you would you murder another human being if he said he would just give you a hug? Hug?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm trying to find out your boundaries.
Kiss? Okay, you get a kiss, but no tongue. Just a little, a quick peck.
You got to murder a human being. No, you have to someone specific.

Speaker 1 You have to murder Kalila. No, I can't.
Would you have sex?

Speaker 1 Harry said, I'll have sex with you if you murder Kalila.

Speaker 1 This is good.

Speaker 2 I have to.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. You have to kill Kalila?

Speaker 2 I think Kalila will understand. Yeah, she would.

Speaker 1 But I fucking wouldn't.

Speaker 1 And I would kill you. What would it take? If he said you had to kill Tito Bobby, what would you need in exchange for that? Just a hug.
Just a hug.

Speaker 1 That was funny. And that was the right answer, but that was wrong.

Speaker 1 Hey, dude, this is a comedy show. Yeah, yeah, I like it.
All right, she's right. All right, so Doc.
Wait, so you know which one's which? I do. Okay.
I labeled one and two here. Okay, so he knows.

Speaker 1 No, so give it to Doc, and let's have a little taste test, and let's see which one he thinks is better. But I also, like the Food Network, you got to tell me why.

Speaker 1 You know, you when you watch Food Network, they're like, this is better, and da, da, da. Give me real reasoning to why you think this is better.

Speaker 1 Which one did you try first? Number one. Okay, put the mic a little bit closer to you so we can hear.
So, what, okay, so number one? Number one. Now give some descriptions about it.

Speaker 1 Nice, sweet, smooth taste to it.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 is that number two now? That's number two. God damn.
Number two is beautiful. It's good, huh? Oh, yeah.
That sounds like that came, this feels like it came fresh out of the daily section.

Speaker 1 Mine came out of the container. So, my shit has been sitting up probably about three, four days.
Okay, okay, which one? Which one? Which one's better?

Speaker 1 Number two. I'll go in there.
Which one was number two, Pete? Docs. That was the one that you dropped.

Speaker 1 So, what's the proof of all this? You don't know shit.

Speaker 1 You don't know. You don't know shit.

Speaker 1 Yours was frozen three times,

Speaker 1 unfrozen, put back on a shelf.

Speaker 1 This is why I call bullshit every day. But

Speaker 1 I still know because I picked number two. No, no, no.
You even said it wasn't yours. You literally went.
No, it's a mine. It's mine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I didn't even taste it.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 It was a brand new box. No, I know, but you picked the one that

Speaker 1 was yours, thinking it wasn't going to be when you just tasted it. Exactly, but what I'm trying to tell you is he's doing mind tricks again.

Speaker 1 Le Jedi fucking black mind tricks

Speaker 1 once in a while.

Speaker 1 You ever had the black bombs do the three-card molly on you? Same thing. All right, so

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Explain to me.

Speaker 1 Please explain. Sometimes, sometimes in

Speaker 1 very heavy touristy areas, there'll be a guy who has three cards, three-card molly, three bent in half, and he'll do this.

Speaker 1 He'll show up and he'll go, which one's the, you you know, and you have to pick. And then it's a trick.
There's a simple way of hiding a card that should be yours, that isn't yours.

Speaker 1 It's a, it's a, but FYI, this kimchi? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, I've had this. This is the worst in the market.
Oh, I've had this. We have, don't we have this in a home? That's in Whole Foods.
It's not even open. No.
Yeah, yeah. This is from Whole Foods?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. It's the worst in the market.
I've had this shit before. Yeah, it's terrible.
Look at this. It says from Japan.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's why it's not good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. This is also.

Speaker 1 Well, okay, so these these last week we talked about the ingredients. Yeah.
You can't, are these some of these ingredients not good for kimchi then? Cabbage, obviously.

Speaker 1 Yellow onion, green onion, red chili, pepper flakes, salt, fresh peeled garlic, fresh ginger, organic sugar, fish sauce. Ginger, I don't think is a thing.
Is it not a thing for kimchi?

Speaker 1 Why am I asking you? You're not fucking creating. Yeah, yeah, ginger.
Fresh ginger, me. Organic sugar, fish salt, salted shrimp, salted shrimp.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you had a kimchi before? No. You want to try some? I'm allergic to shrimp.
No, no, no. There is no shrimp in this.
Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I want to try some. That's what I was going to ask you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. If you had shrimp, would you die? Yeah, probably.
Because it causes my throat to swell and shit like that. Is there shrimp in there?

Speaker 1 Let's find out.

Speaker 1 On this episode of, is there shrimp in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, for real, is shrimp in there? Because you can't fuck around.
No, no, no. Honestly, most kimchi doesn't have shrimp in it.

Speaker 1 I think they're saying

Speaker 1 like a salted shrimp flavoring. You can look at the shit.
No, I can't. So here's how I'm going to explain it to you.
One time I. Why did I have to say all the ingredients? Yeah, there.

Speaker 1 But I'm not sure if I can do it. We could have watched the seafood.
We could all have died. We had to see him die.

Speaker 1 Live on Bad Friends. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Your throat would swell up, and then your eyes would roll back, and you would die. The throat closes.
Whatever happens. Yeah, yeah.
Well, let's see. When's the last time you have lobby?

Speaker 1 So all shellfish.

Speaker 1 Not all of them. Well, yeah, yeah.
Because I don't know what's happening. I've got every single one.

Speaker 1 So I've had lobster. No.
Can't do lobster. Can't do shrimp.
Can't do clams. Okay.
Can't do

Speaker 1 crab. Can't do mussels.
Uh-huh. All of them.
You could just say seafood.

Speaker 1 At this point,

Speaker 1 you named everything. I can eat certain fish, though.
Oh, certain fish. What are the fish you can't have? Like salmon, can you have? Yeah.
Tuna. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 What are the ones you can't have? Orange ruffy, no. What? Orange ruffy.

Speaker 1 That's an orange ruffy.

Speaker 1 It's a kind of fish, but the idea that you name it, like, how often are you seeing orange fucking stuff? I just got sick off of it. I don't know what to tell you.
Where did you try orange ruffy?

Speaker 1 It might have been in the restaurant. You know what what I'm saying? That's what Orange Ruffy looks like.
It's actually quite good.

Speaker 1 Snapper?

Speaker 1 Can you eat catfish? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Look at what it looks like. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's not kind of like me. It looks like one of my ancestors.
I mean, if you were a fish, that would be you. That's where I came from, for sure.
How angry. Have any of y'all had a shark before?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Is it legal? Like, shark fins. You can sell it at Whole Foods.
Shark? Yes. You could buy shark at Whole Foods.
Yeah. What? Once in a while.
Shark fin? I thought shark fin was illegal. No.

Speaker 2 Have you tried monitor lizard?

Speaker 1 Holy shit. Here we go.
Now, I know. We're going to the jungle.

Speaker 1 We're going to jeez.

Speaker 1 Wait, continue. Go ahead and keep talking.
So, let me ask you something. All right.
Did you just say, have you ever tried monitor lizard? Yeah. Okay.
What is that?

Speaker 2 It's like a really big lizard that there's, it's a lot in the Philippines, and they just make it their pets.

Speaker 1 Monitor lizard. Yeah.
They make it their pets, but then you said, have you tried it? So do they eat their pets?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at the fucking size of that thing. Look at that fucking thing.
You eat that fucking thing?

Speaker 1 That's like a Komodo dragon. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What does it taste like? Let me guess. Yeah, chicken.
Chicken. Yeah, they all taste like chicken.
Yeah. It's good.
So, so, how do you cook it? You just grill it?

Speaker 2 Um, yeah, grill it or just fry it. That's what my uncle did.

Speaker 1 Well, let me ask you something. Oh, there's monitor food.
You feed it, but then you eat it, I guess.

Speaker 1 Do you get it as a pet until you run out of food and then you have to eat it? Is that kind of how it works? I guess. Who can afford it as a pet? Obviously, someone that has a lot of money.

Speaker 2 No, like anyone.

Speaker 1 They just but then when do they decide if they're gonna eat it or not when they're hungry, I guess. Yeah, okay.
What is this? Abandon baywak.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's that that's what it looks like when you eat it.

Speaker 1 That's monitor lizard. Wow, wow, wow, wow.
Let me tell you something. Zoom in on that.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's good. That does not look good.
That's the opposite of pet. It looks good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It does. I can't even see.

Speaker 1 I can't even. I can't.
There's not an American dish or any dish I've ever seen that I can go. Oh, it looks like that.
Right. Yeah, that looks like something out of this world.

Speaker 2 You have to try it.

Speaker 1 You know what that looks like? If I clean out the compost thing under my sink, if stuff gets good. That's what it looks like.
Yeah, it does. It looks like, right, right?

Speaker 1 After that choppy thing in my sink, when it gets cleaned up, that's exactly what's underneath. Do you want me to bring that next time? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or

Speaker 1 you know, you go to the dryer and then you have that thing and all that. The lint, you've got the lint.
Yeah, there, yeah. You put some of that in there.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, are those poo seeds? I mean, what's in there?

Speaker 1 That is not. And they left some skin on, so you eat some of the skin.
Crispy, yeah. Oh, it's crispy.
Yucky, yucky, yucky, buddy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would fry it to the point where it was just like you could just only taste the charcoal and the darkness of it. If I was on the show alone, then, and that's only day eight.

Speaker 1 That's almost really?

Speaker 1 What? If we were on alone and you and I were in the tundra and we haven't eaten in eight days and we saw a monitor literally, what's that? Well, I would eat it way before that. If I'm on a loan?

Speaker 1 I'd eat it day one if I could get it.

Speaker 1 And alone, that show. How about this? I proposed it on this show before.
Yeah. And I've said it again, and I'm going to say it again.
Yeah. I want Fancy to reach out to Naked and Afraid.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I want to do it with you. I would love.
Will you do Naked and Afraid with me?

Speaker 1 We got to bring him. I think there's only two people that are allowed.
Okay, we'll get a five. That's a three-man.
We got to do a three-man.

Speaker 1 Will you please reach out to Naked and Afraid to see if we can do us three on Naked and Afraid? Number one, I want to see him scared and naked.

Speaker 1 Me too.

Speaker 1 It's so bad.

Speaker 1 i'm not trying to be on fucking naked and afraid why what he's gonna answer would y'all eat bugs yeah yeah don't go from naked and afraid to bugs stop jumping around yeah yeah yeah let's talk about naked and afraid why wouldn't you want to be naked and afraid with us

Speaker 1 i want to ask you this is a weird scenario i don't know what it's on television you know how famous you'll be who gives a fuck he blew out the dick i don't care if you show the dick or not it's just weird to just be out there naked with you two goddamn our ancestors did this yeah what's so weird about it i think our ancestors, like, okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, how about this? What our ancestors? What? What do you mean? Fucking more. It's more like a leaf dress.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get something to cover up your penis.

Speaker 1 They cover it up. Oh, okay.
I'll get it. And with you, it's not a lot of fun.
I don't know. I guess it's my problem.
I thought we was like rubbing cocks and eating monitors. A little couple and

Speaker 1 I can't hear you when you're talking over there. You gotta, hey, go ahead.
We gotta talk. All right, I just say, like, I just thought we'd be like rubbing cocks and eating monitors.

Speaker 1 You think that if we were unnaked and afraid we'd be rubbing cocks to make fire? What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I got my own bow drill. Look at my dick.

Speaker 1 It's insane. Insane.

Speaker 1 It's just you and I, then. Yes.
Okay. Okay.
You and I. Will you propose that, Fancy? Will you please reach out to them? And also,

Speaker 1 I have a festival that I want us to go to. Show him the festival that I found today.
A four-day sex island party. Okay.

Speaker 1 A sex island party in Las Vegas.

Speaker 1 What is it? You can have a hundred. It's like a hundred prostitutes per guy.

Speaker 1 Okay, first of all, number one, do we get passes from our girlfriends and wives? Well, we have to ask them it's for the show. Oh, it's for showbiz.
This is for the show. That's for showbiz.

Speaker 1 This is for the show. Right.

Speaker 1 I think it's for the show. Have you, Doc? Have you ever done that? No, no.
I've never went to a brothel. But have you had a brothel?

Speaker 1 I've had sex in a trap house, yeah. A trap house? Yeah.
Okay. Do you know what a trap house is? No.
Trap house is like the drug house. It's like a.
Yeah, yeah. So you've had sex at a trap house?

Speaker 1 I got blowjobs, yeah. Oh, you told us about that from people that were on crack.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, really. That's worth it.
But that's fine. But you didn't pay them.
You gave them crack.

Speaker 1 I guess you paid them in a way. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 They come new. Normally, they come to you anywhere.
Yeah, they're there and you're like, you know, listen. Hey, baby, let me do a little bit of action for a little bit of, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And then you go, look, you're like, look, you got a mouth. I got some crack.
Yeah, let's go on there to get a bit. And then when you're a kid, like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You're ready to get them blowjobs. I would be so bad at selling crack.

Speaker 1 Oh, you would be? Why? Could you do it all? I would just give it away. I'd feel so bad when people are like, come on, man.
And I'd just be like, here, dude, get out of here. You're scaring me.

Speaker 1 I was downtown with my friend Kalisto many, many years ago. And a crack addict goes, hey, man, can you spend some change?

Speaker 1 And I gave him 40 bucks. And then I remember my friend Kalisto grabbed me and he goes, you piece of shit.
And I go, what? He goes,

Speaker 1 all he's going to fucking do is buy crack with that. Why'd you do that? And I go, because I didn't have any crack on me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 what did you want me to do? Imagine if he asked for some change

Speaker 1 and I gave him crack instead. You know how happy you would be?

Speaker 1 He doesn't have to go through, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 There's no middleman. Right.
Go direct. Hey, man, you got some crack.
You're like, I do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Because

Speaker 1 they don't want your money because they need to get crack. Because your money is another step.
Yeah. Now I need to go get the crack.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there is that idea that, like, if you give homeless people money, they'll get liquor or do something bad with it. So what? Yeah, but for me, it's like, I just want them to be happy.

Speaker 1 I give them money all the time. You me too.
I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.
Life's too short to me think about what they're going to do with the money.

Speaker 1 Because they might buy crack, but they also might buy Jonas Brothers tickets. So they're not a concert.
There you go. You never know.
Or they might go to Aspen.

Speaker 1 Or they might go to Dave Chappelle at the ball and attack you with somebody.

Speaker 1 Imagine a guy's like, I'm just saving just enough money to run on stage, to buy a Dave DePell ticket so I can run on stage. Are y'all serious? Y'all give to every homeless person?

Speaker 1 Not everyone, but every once in a while, if I have some spare cash, I might do it.

Speaker 1 If I have a little bit of money in my pocket,

Speaker 1 you know what? You know what I do it the most when I leave the store. If I'm leaving the club and I'm going through Hollywood and there's somebody begging, yeah, I'm going to give it to him.

Speaker 1 Because why? You say it like you don't. You don't fucking believe in that shit? No, no, no.
It's not that. I just don't.

Speaker 1 I thought you might meant like you run to the ATM, come back and bring him a little crisp. No, I don't.
That's insane. That's insane.
No, we don't do that.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to go to the, I'm not going to go out of my way.

Speaker 1 And if he dies in the meantime,

Speaker 1 although there was one incident when I was at the comedy store and it was there during the day to pick up a check, and I remember,

Speaker 1 I'm going to name his name, but he,

Speaker 1 very funny comic, but he would relapse and he would always do crack.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And so he was there during the day just hanging out in the parking lot, right? And he came up to me and he had scab. He had a fucking

Speaker 1 lesion on his face. Like something had...
busted open and a blood clot on his face was fucking crazy.

Speaker 1 And he had no shoes and he's a really funny guy. I was there that day, too.
You were there? You remember that? I knew I knew I knew you had a lot that day. Oh, yeah.
You knew who it was?

Speaker 1 Don't say the name. No, we're not.
Yeah, I know exactly. You do remember it.
So I'm not making this up. Yeah.
He's not making it up. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And I go,

Speaker 1 I'll get you a hotel room instead. Okay.
Because he asked for cash, and I didn't want him to die from doing drugs. Right.
So

Speaker 1 twice that's happened in my life. My other friend, Louie, the same thing happened.
CK.

Speaker 1 Louie. And

Speaker 1 he had relapsed. And I go, I'll get you a nice hotel for like three days, but I'm not going to buy you, give you money because I don't want them to die.

Speaker 1 But I think the problem is then you just gave them a place to do crack.

Speaker 1 You kind of just gave them cracks. That's true.
That is true. I didn't think it through.
I'm not getting you crack, but I'm going to get you a roof over your head to do crack. Yeah.

Speaker 1 In that situation, what do you do, though? No, dude, you didn't do. Look.
What do you do?

Speaker 1 You're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't.
So you just have to do it and then hope that they make something that it works for them. Yeah.
I had one of those moments the other day.

Speaker 1 I cried at like a fucking YouTube video because it was this, I think he had autism and he was like kind of finicky in a guitar store. And,

Speaker 1 well, he doesn't have autism at all. I'm just, but I mean, he was very nervous and he just acted very like uncomfortable.
And he was trying to buy a guitar and it was $200.

Speaker 1 Okay. And the guy said, there is nothing funny about this, by the way.
It was just sweet.

Speaker 1 Here's what I'm saying. Hi, hold on.
Hold on. The challenge is, I want you to find the funny.
I know I'm going to.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm looking for it.

Speaker 1 As I say it,

Speaker 1 here's the challenge. No, but as he, the guy says, he says, okay, how much is it? It's $200 with the guitar in the case.
He goes, you don't know how long I've been looking for this.

Speaker 1 I mean, he was dude. He was like, he needed it so bad.
And the guy says, well, how much do you have? He said, I just got paid. So is there a way for me to put some on a card and some on a thing?

Speaker 1 And he says, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's him to get $150 on this.
And then he says he has 50 or something on that. And the guy's like, oh, with taxes, it's like $220 or something like that.

Speaker 1 So he's short $20.

Speaker 1 And he goes, oh. And he keeps looking at his wallet.
He's doing that that thing. It's almost like cartoonish.
He keeps looking at his wallet like something might fall out.

Speaker 1 And then a woman goes,

Speaker 1 How much more do you need? And he goes, I'm putting it on layaway. They're going to put it on, they'll hold it for me for six weeks until I can muster up $20 more.

Speaker 1 And she goes, I'll just pay for it. And

Speaker 1 it made me cry because I was like, this is faith in humanity restored. Now, the other part that they didn't show was that he had to fuck the shit out of this old pig for giving him $20.

Speaker 1 There's the funny.

Speaker 1 No, but he got, but it was sweet. It was so sweet.
Honestly, I'm being serious. No, that was really, you know,

Speaker 1 it just made me go, oh, why didn't you, you have money. Why didn't you jump in? He was a video on it.
He just said, oh, my God.

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Speaker 1 Of course, I would. What do you mean you wouldn't? I would give him $20.

Speaker 1 You would not? $200 guitar ain't nothing for like $75 or something like that. Fuck out of here, man.
There's people starving in Africa. Go on up.
Go on with that.

Speaker 1 Oh, are you helping people starving in Africa? That phrase?

Speaker 1 How much money have you sent to Africa, Doc? I haven't sent a goddamn dollar. Well, they shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 I just said, I'm not giving the dude $20 for it.

Speaker 1 An acoustic guitar is $400. What are you talking about? Well, whatever the case is, I'm not giving him for the guitar.
That's a luxury.

Speaker 1 Okay, you know what? I hope that guy writes a song about how much he doesn't like you.

Speaker 1 Speaking of the saddest thing I've seen on YouTube, can I tell you the saddest video I've seen on YouTube? I don't want to see the whole thing. Let's not play it, but it's this Cambodian TV show.

Speaker 1 I'm already crying.

Speaker 1 Cambodia does it for me every time.

Speaker 1 And it's a reunion show when people were ripped apart by the Khmer Rouge and the war. Okay.

Speaker 1 And so they reunite people, right? And

Speaker 1 a woman gets reunited with her sister, right?

Speaker 1 And they hadn't seen each other since they were kids, right?

Speaker 1 Which makes you cry. Immediately.
Right. But then there's a third surprise.
And I don't want to ruin it for people. Don't ruin it.
Yeah, yeah. But there's a third surprise.

Speaker 1 And once you see the third surprise, bro,

Speaker 1 if you don't cry,

Speaker 1 turn on the waterworks. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's really good. It's really good.
What's the name of the show so people can look it up?

Speaker 1 Gook Family.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it's called. It's a Cambodian show where sisters get reunited.
Yeah, yeah. You just put Cambodia and Reunited, and that's the first video.

Speaker 1 We can actually fast-forward it to the end. Yeah, that's it.
Can we just fast-forward it to the end to get to the surprise?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'll just give it away. Fuck it.
All right? I'll just give it away. Fuck it, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, roll it in the background.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so the two sisters get reunited. And

Speaker 1 then the lady goes, well, here's a family photo. And the both sisters are like, wait a second, that is us as kids, but we haven't seen this photo in 40 years.
So where'd you get the photo?

Speaker 1 They found the mom. Shut up.
That's the photo right there. Yeah, that's the photo right there.
They found the.

Speaker 1 Hey, man, you can't hit me with surprises, man. You got to fucking slow that shit.
Right, right. So

Speaker 1 they already did the read. That's the reunion.
So go back. No, no, no, leave the rest.
They should do the reveal. They would do the reveal first.
Go back, go back, go back.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 so now she's going, they haven't revealed it yet. Don't be scared.
Act normal. Yeah, yeah.
That's the mom.

Speaker 1 Right? So, um. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's scared. And why do the kids get lost? Is it they gave up the kids for no, they got split during the war.
There's bombs going on. Ah! People running.
Oh my god. Turn it up now a little bit.

Speaker 1 Turn it up.

Speaker 1 It's a rough language. It's so unattractive.
I just think it's a good thing. It's just me the exact same thing.
There's no way to be romantic with that. It's the opposite of French.
Copy on baby.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It's so hard to.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 She kind of doesn't believe it's her. She's like, who is this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It could be anybody. I mean, the Asian steel.

Speaker 1 She's like, you look Chinese. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It could have been Sandra in a way.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter. So now, watch, here's the third.
Nothing can compare to this. Well, just you wait.
Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 Push pause.

Speaker 1 It would have been great, though, if right before their embrace, Mel just dies.

Speaker 1 Or just a heart implodes and she dies. I mean, how?

Speaker 1 That would have been. She's like, mung duck, doc.

Speaker 1 Doc is

Speaker 1 going to get him hard. Man, that shit, man, man.
Water up my mouth, man. God damn.
Well, God bless, Doc. God bless you, man.
That's from stress your shit. How do you feel about that, Rudy?

Speaker 1 It was sweet. Doesn't give a shit.
She does not give a fuck.

Speaker 1 Remember, I tried to show you this video a couple years ago and you didn't even watch it? No. Yeah, she doesn't like it.
Why? You don't like to feel, huh?

Speaker 2 I like to feel sometimes.

Speaker 1 What do you like to feel? Terry Styles. Terry.
No, what do you feel? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't it.
You don't, this doesn't get you. I think this comes with age.

Speaker 1 I think you can't appreciate this stuff till you're older. Yeah, yeah.
Then once you get older,

Speaker 1 you've never felt loss. No.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And when you feel lost,

Speaker 1 and I think when that happens, you'll start... Those feelings will...
I don't know, maybe. No, you're right.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 When you go through some sort of trauma or loss, there's something that happens when you see stuff like that. It makes you get emotional because you know what it felt like.

Speaker 1 You know what all those emotions are. You don't have any fucking emotions.
No. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We got to get you some emotion.

Speaker 1 I don't know. She's a special one.
Well, the worst part is, like, if she did, like, you know, if she killed Kalila to bone Harry Styles, like, she'd be even happier about death.

Speaker 1 So it'd be working in reverse. Yeah.
It's like she's never going to get back to a good place. Yeah.
You're gone forever, huh?

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah.
That doesn't do anything to you, though. That really watching that doesn't even.

Speaker 2 It was nice.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? It's nice. Nice to look at.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like the dresses. Like when they hug.
Oh. That was.
But you didn't cry. What?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Right.
Her response is, why? Why would I cry? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What would make her cry about that? Yeah, what would make you cry, do you think? Dogs.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 So if two dogs, rook, rook, right? And here's your mom dog. Rook, rook.
Do dog reunited.

Speaker 1 Do dog reunited. And they start licking each other, and then she's fucking like.
Dog reunited. Yeah, yeah.
Do dog reunited. Yeah.
Reunited. Just write dog reunited.

Speaker 1 This is going to get you. This will get you.
I don't think it will. You ice-cold bitch.

Speaker 1 I don't think it will.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. The dog.

Speaker 1 Look at that with its owner.

Speaker 1 Oh, they don't really know that woman that well. Oh, licky face.
Oh, you just start. The red rocket comes out.

Speaker 1 Look at that, Rudy.

Speaker 1 No, the saddest one

Speaker 1 is army soldiers. Whenever it's soldiers.
When the dog. There's one where a dog is literally crying at his master's grave site.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's going...

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that.
It's husky, right? It's a husky. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 If this doesn't get you, yeah, you're

Speaker 1 a narcissist.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. You're a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Holy fuck, this is killing. This is actually killing me.

Speaker 1 Why would they put that one right after? Yeah, because when another dog is gone, they can't believe that.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 See,

Speaker 1 there it is.

Speaker 1 See? Oh, this is dying owner. Oh, man.
Hey, man.

Speaker 1 This is going to turn into like your mom's house where we watch this fucked up shit. No, no, no, no.
I can't see this.

Speaker 1 Stop turning it off, man.

Speaker 1 Turn off, man.

Speaker 1 They get worse and worse. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The next one is like a dog wearing a wetsuit, diving into saving six other dogs. Jesus Christ.
Whoever put that together

Speaker 1 who has no gauge of how extremism works. They're like, oh, there's a dog crying

Speaker 1 on the old owner's grave. And then four dogs in the street that were bludgeoned by cars, pawing at each other's face.
It's just, that was a little

Speaker 1 too much. Way too much.
Let me ask you how it is. Is there a movie that you cried on?

Speaker 1 Oh, I cried a million movies. I have a lot of movies all the time.
All the time.

Speaker 1 Okay, give me two.

Speaker 1 I'll give you one scene that makes me cry every time. The last second of the movie Magnolia.

Speaker 1 What's at the end there? So John C. Riley is dating this girl.
This girl was molested by her dad in the movie, right? The talk show.

Speaker 1 I remember the movie. Yeah, talk show host or whatever.

Speaker 1 And he's...

Speaker 1 you know, going, I want to be with you, and we're going to do all these things. And it's just a fucking camera shot on the girl's face.

Speaker 1 And she's look looking at him with tears in her eyes right and the last second she looks in the camera and she smiles

Speaker 1 it's so fucking good

Speaker 1 it makes me it's like redemption oh it's like feeling safe i felt it when you said it yeah yeah what makes you cry then doc do you have something in your mind shit gladiator when the motherfucking when she's like holding him and he's dying and then she's like go to him and they show his family and then his wife is like her hand go across the thistles right there that hand hand across the thistles.

Speaker 1 That's it. Motherfucking tears.
I'm in that motherfucking booboo. As the music sounds like that.
As the music, fuck. What did you just say, fancy? As the music.
The music. As the music, yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 Fuck. It's like, God damn.
Well, but you, Jules, what have you cried on?

Speaker 2 It's the dog movie, Hot Chico.

Speaker 1 Airbud.

Speaker 1 I do get it. Every time I see Airbud, I start crying.
It's not Airbud.

Speaker 2 Hot Chico?

Speaker 1 What? Hot Chico. Hot Chico? Yeah.

Speaker 1 C-H-I. It's in anime.
Is it in fucking Chico? No, it's not anime.

Speaker 1 I've never heard of Hot Chico the movie in my entire fucking life. That's the movie.

Speaker 1 What is this? Who's in that? Richard fucking Gere?

Speaker 1 Richard Gere? Dude, he jammed the fucking dog in his asshole.

Speaker 1 Bring up the trailer.

Speaker 1 That would make me cry, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, that hurts. Do you even know what he's joking about? No.

Speaker 1 It's an urban legend. I don't think it's that true.
But there's always been this urban legend. And I don't know why on the other side.
Where Richard Gere stuck a gerbil in his asshole.

Speaker 2 What's a gerbil?

Speaker 1 It's like a little mouse. It's a little hamster.
Why? I don't know why. What is that urban? How did that even come about, that urban legend? Oh, yeah.
The ER. The ER? What? The show?

Speaker 1 That he went to the emergency room and they had to get it out of him. Really? That's where the rumor comes from.
Oh, wow. Who knows how? See if it's true, though.
Is it true? How could you?

Speaker 1 They're not going to fucking, they'll have that removed.

Speaker 1 Highly questionable cultural history of Richard Gere's ass gerbil.

Speaker 1 The article doesn't help me not know.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's called gerbiling. Yeah.
That's what it's called when you do, when you put gerbils in your butthole.

Speaker 1 Gerbiling. Gerbling.
Yeah, and you got to leave little pieces of food up there for it to find.

Speaker 1 It's animal cruelty, right?

Speaker 1 For some people. No, but the animal dies, right? There's no animal that goes out.
That's when it comes out alive. Really?

Speaker 1 if it i mean if i stuck you in an elephant's asshole for how long for more than 15 seconds you'd be dead if i could get

Speaker 1 a little bit of air i'd be okay i mean some people say eating monitor lizards is bad you see what i'm saying yeah it's fine it's normal you see and gerbiling might be normal in some cultures some people might be have been gerbiling might have been the way that they found god I don't want to question someone's religion.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know? But is it the sensation? Let's just explore it a little bit.
Is this sensation, I would think, is to feel something die inside you? That's doc. Oh my god.
Well, fuck.

Speaker 1 You gerbil dog. You gerbil.

Speaker 1 You gerbiled, oh dog. Maybe a little hamster or something.

Speaker 1 That little pattern of a feet. And anybody out there that likes to make art for the show? And by the way, I want to say, Carrillo Studios, we love this guy.
This dude makes such great art.

Speaker 1 Anyone that likes to make art for the show, go ahead and make a gerbiling dock. If you could, please.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Please, please, please. We love gerbiling docks.

Speaker 1 So go back real quick to this movie. I need to see.
Oh, that does Koreo Art Studios. That's our guy that makes great art for us.
We love this dude.

Speaker 1 Go ahead and say it your way, Fancy, because you know. Ericarillo.
Yeah, enough.

Speaker 1 You let him do that once, and he's like, Can I do it live on the show? I'm like, Yeah,

Speaker 1 I want to see the trailer for Hachiko. Yeah, trailer for Hachiko.
It's from the director of Chocolat, did this fucking movie. Wow.
It's based on a true story, too. Is this it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is just a story about a guy who fucking adopted a dog and it works out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but at the end something happens.

Speaker 1 The dog dies. No.

Speaker 1 Richard Deer dies.

Speaker 2 Yeah, then the dog waited for him at the train station.

Speaker 1 But he didn't know, because he didn't know he was dead. He got docked.

Speaker 1 He got dog again.

Speaker 1 He got dog again. Keep going.
Let's see. They're not going to show anything about him dying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 See, he's always waiting.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right.
Pause it.

Speaker 1 Really irresponsible to let this dog just roam around town. Do you know what I mean? He can get hit by a car so easily.
Yeah. Why is my dog waiting for me at the train station?

Speaker 1 Because he had to go six miles to get here, Richard Gere. Yeah.
That was fucking mean. Let him roam around this small town.
And here's another thing, just if we can talk about this.

Speaker 1 Remember the Cambodian video I showed you earlier?

Speaker 1 What if they were in town?

Speaker 1 There'd be no hot chicken.

Speaker 1 Wait,

Speaker 1 that same shot.

Speaker 1 Dude, that same shot of him looking under that clock where the dog's supposed to be, and it's just those three women.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Dude, you are fucking cracking me up right now, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're cracking me up right now. You know why? Why?

Speaker 1 Because I saw this video. It's on YouTube.
Where the dog goes and his owner dies and he just goes to the same spot and just waits. Oh, yeah, and then

Speaker 1 it's like,

Speaker 1 that's gotta be what they're talking about. Oh, we just watched it.
That became real. Yeah, it is on YouTube.
We just saw it

Speaker 1 now.

Speaker 1 You mean the real story? Yeah. Yeah.
Well, where the fuck is the real one? That's got to be better than this one.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you.

Speaker 1 That didn't get me. Yeah.
I just, that didn't get me. Not like the Cambodian woman story.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 There it is. That's, give me the fucking real one.
Give me the real. Let me see a photo of this, the faithful pup.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, oh, and they came. Oh, first of all, it was an Asian guy.
Yeah, it was an Asian story, so you're wrong. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about there is a real live, like, United States thing that happened. I know, but it's not that movie.
It's not based on that movie. But I felt it about it.
Okay, it's fine. It's fine.

Speaker 1 So, wait a minute. This whole film was based on an Asian family and their dog, and they fucking whitewashed this movie.
They whitewashed it, yeah. Another version of the fucking white devil.

Speaker 1 It's like Ghost in the Shell when they put fucking Scarlett Johansson. Same fucking Ghost in the Shell, right? Yeah, the Ghost in the Shell.
You can name so many movies. They've done this.

Speaker 1 She has goddamn summer, right? She was white. Fucking fucking movies.
You can name so many Ghostbusters.

Speaker 1 What? Ghostbusters. That was an Asian film.
They're all Asians. Ghostbuster.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Goza Buster.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Something scared.

Speaker 1 You don't know why. Oh, no, Shreima.
Shreima. Everybody knows.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, yeah.

Speaker 1 And Slimer.

Speaker 1 Shry Max.

Speaker 1 I agree on you. Agreed on you.

Speaker 1 The ghosts are all yellow.

Speaker 1 I am with a key master.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. Insane.
I'm sick of white people fucking stealing Asian films. And we got to put a stop to that.
I'm tired of it. It's disgusting.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean,

Speaker 1 I told you about, you know, because I have a joke about it on stage, about

Speaker 1 they made a movie about Genghis Khan. Oh, yeah.
And and John Wayne played him. I know, I know that picture John Wayne played Genghis Khan in a fucking movie.
You know who Genghis Khan is, don't you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, do you know who that is, Rudy? No,

Speaker 1 look at that, John Wayne is Genghis Khan. He was the Joe Stalin of uh China.
Look at that, look at that. Did you say he was a Joe Biden of China? No, Joe Stalin of China.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was like, What the fuck?

Speaker 1 What a weird

Speaker 1 back.

Speaker 1 He was a Kamala Harris of China.

Speaker 1 Zoom in on how insane that is. This is insane.
That's John Wayne. Yeah.

Speaker 1 As an Asian guy.

Speaker 1 That's what they used to do. By the way,

Speaker 1 doesn't look Asian even a little bit.

Speaker 1 Not at all. That just looks like a guy who likes motorcycles.

Speaker 1 That's just a fucking gun. But imagine the calls that the Asian actors that auditioned with that part got when they found out who he got it.

Speaker 1 Who?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Look at the guy to his right, how they've gussied him up.

Speaker 1 That is is crazy, shit. Crazy, dude.
That's a white guy, too. That's a white guy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 they used to do that. Go to the IMDb page, and I want to see the cast, and let's see actually how many fucking Asian members are on the cast.
Yeah, what's that movie called? The Conqueror.

Speaker 1 The Conqueror. It's called The Conqueror.
Yeah, The Conqueror. That's right.

Speaker 1 Okay. 1956?

Speaker 1 1956, yep. Okay, scroll down.
Scroll down.

Speaker 1 By the way, the love interest, also a white girl. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Stars, here we go. Zoom in deep.
John Wayne,

Speaker 1 Susan Hayward, Pedro.

Speaker 1 Pedro.

Speaker 1 So Latin dudes got it before. Agnes Moorhead, Thomas Gomez,

Speaker 1 as Wang Connie. Wang Khan.
He did a great job, though.

Speaker 1 John Hoyt, William Conrad, Ted DeCourcy. So wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Anything it's a Lee Van Cleve.

Speaker 1 Could he be? Chepe. Yeah, yeah.
At the bottom.

Speaker 1 Richard Liu.

Speaker 1 The captain of Wang's Guard.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, background.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the only Asian we found on the primary cast.

Speaker 1 There's a billion Chinese, and they can only find one.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. There's a billion of these fucking people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, we just don't know where to turn.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I just don't think we can cast any Asians in this. Yeah, it's insane.
Wow, Richard Liu. Shout out to fucking Richard Liu.

Speaker 1 You know what? Yeah. This episode we're dedicating to Richard Liu.
Richard Liu. Shout out to Richard Liu, born in one of your favorite places in Hawaii.

Speaker 1 Died the year of our Lord, Andrew Santino's birth, 1983, here in Los Angeles. What else did Richard Liu do?

Speaker 1 I bet you have some more racist shit. Yeah,

Speaker 1 the man with the golden gun, steel helmet, the quiet American, purple heart. Let's see his names, though.
This has always got to be. Yeah, scroll down his actor.
Let's see the name of all.

Speaker 1 It's always got to be. What if he did a movie called Emperor Hirohito and Steve Martin played it?

Speaker 1 And he's just a guardsman. Look at all of his names: Cam Chong, Chen Li, Dr.
Li Pu,

Speaker 1 Cheng Kai-shek, Hai Fat,

Speaker 1 Tanaka, YS Chen, Lin Shu Tai, Shen Shi,

Speaker 1 Leo.

Speaker 1 My favorite is when it's just like Mark.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Jimmy McGavin or something.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. This is, that's what's bullshit about it: is that not like, because he's born in Hawaii.
You know what I mean? So he's an American guy, right? Yeah, he's an American guy.

Speaker 1 And imagine that's all

Speaker 1 he could get. Those are his thing.
Chang Chang. Yeah, ping pong.
Ping pong. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And he's like, and that's once every five years, probably there's one part as a guardsman or some butler. Well, even on, he looked, because, no, no, it's right there.
Hawaii 5-0. Stop.

Speaker 1 Hawaii 5-0, 1968. Wong 2.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Wong 2.
And you know those writers are doing that because they think something's funny.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? The writers are like, Wing Wang or

Speaker 1 Wang Chung. Or they just take pots and pans and just throw it against a wall.
Hey, and I dream a genie. Look at this.
In I Dream a Genie, he was just Wong.

Speaker 1 Just Wong.

Speaker 1 Hey, can I be Wong too? No, it's Wong.

Speaker 1 Here's a question. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Do Korea remake American movies? No. They don't? No, Korean does a lot of original stuff.
We do original stuff the whole time. Oh, okay.
Well, you think that Korea is going to make...

Speaker 1 Let me set the loot. I have an idea.
Going with the word. Let's do Malcolm X by OK.
All Korean casts. By the way.

Speaker 1 I'm watching that in the theater. Yeah.
And there's Malcolm X Barbara Ree.

Speaker 1 You know what it should be? It should be

Speaker 1 What's a Dead Zell movie? King Kong Ain't Got Shit On Me.

Speaker 1 Training Day. In Korean style would be so fun.
Yeah. But they would set it, they would rewrite it, right? But they would never do a biopic, right?

Speaker 1 I don't think they would, you know, because Seven Samurai, the movie Seven Samurai, America made it into Magnificent Seven, which is okay because they set Samurai into cowboy, and they same storyline, but they switched the character.

Speaker 1 That's one thing. That's cool.

Speaker 1 You could do do that but if you're casting you know i mean a white dude to play an asian guy that's where i have the problem it's just goofball shit it's goofball yeah especially a historic figure not like

Speaker 1 it's not like just a random dude it's fucking genga's

Speaker 1 it's weird to play a big figure and it's it's weird on all fronts but also shout out one more time to our main guy What was his name again here? Richard Lou. Can you please memorize it?

Speaker 1 Richard Lou, Richard Lou, Richard Lou.

Speaker 1 Shout out to Richard Lou. Rest in peace.
Thank you for coming to the cookout, by the way, and I'm appreciative of you guys bringing food. What is this again? This is potatoes and eggs.

Speaker 1 Potatoes and eggs? Yes. That doesn't sound good.
Yeah, I don't know right now. A pass? Wait, I got.
And what is this? Is homemade? Yes. Wait, who made it? I made it.
I've made it. You did?

Speaker 1 Wait, I got to try it. Oh, it actually smells really good.

Speaker 1 You want to try one of these? Potatoes and eggs?

Speaker 1 Really good. This is really good.
It's warm for breakfast. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Wait, what's this called? Tortilla. No, No, it's not a fucking tortilla.
Don't do that, shit. Spanish, not Mexican.
Rude.

Speaker 1 That's rude. That is rude.
Calling Mexicans lazy because they don't do that with their tortillas.

Speaker 1 Wait, this is called tortilla. Yeah.
Wow, this is good. Really good.
Give some. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 Give something to Dr.

Speaker 1 Griffith.

Speaker 1 My God, that's good.

Speaker 1 That's the one the punch is. It's at the the government.
That's what my finger's being pointed. It's at the fucking government.
I never said that it was discolored. I'm saying

Speaker 1 that. It's white people.
It's white people. It's white people.
The most white people. The most freaking educated guy on earth.

Speaker 1 The guy who knows literally nothing. Oh, here we go.
The guy who knows literally nothing. I know about critical race theory and everything.
You already know about critical race theory.

Speaker 1 You're so fucking dumb to me.