The Cookout & Dave Chappelle's Stage Stormer

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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Did you bring anything to the cookout? That's today.
Oh my God. No, is that today? Yes, Rudy, did you bring something to the cookout? You fucking called me.
Yeah, because you're doing the show. Did you bring anything for the cookout? You told me to bring something for the cookout.
You were supposed to bring something for the cookout. Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
No, no, don't point at the guys. What are those guys? What are they doing though? They're a shame that you didn't bring something to the cookout.
Yeah, but why didn't they remind me to bring... Andreas, why didn't you remind me to bring something to the cookout? Because we recorded three days ago.
Yeah, I knew you wouldn't. You knew that I wouldn't? Yeah, we knew you wouldn't do shit.
I would do it? What a fucking piece of shit you are. No, no, no.
You. Don't pass the buck to him.
Yeah? You're a scumbag. You didn't bring shit to the cookout.
Juliana? And we did. I thought Andreas would text you.
Yeah, yeah. Did he text you? Yeah.
So you reminded her? Yeah, I can trust her. And you didn't remind me? Yeah.
Okay. Bring me my potato salad.
So, hey. Bobby reminded me yesterday.
Hey, hey, hey. He reminded me.
Oh, my God. Fuck you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. Be nice Be nice Fuck you and fuck you You didn't bring shit I brought my fucking potato salad You lazy fat piece of shit Now where's your beers That you're gonna bring They're the fucking First of all They're in the fridge right now Would you like a beer Bobby The beers that were already in here You're supposed to bring fresh beer dude Oh you want fresh beer Yeah dude Where's the kimchi It's right there Bro what the fuck You told me to bring potato salad No I told you to come To the fucking show Tomorrow Hey, dude.
Just where's the kimchi? It's right there, but what the fuck you told me to bring potato stuff No, I told you to come to the fucking show it and bring tomorrow But you also told me yesterday to bring the potato salad. That's why I brought that he brought the potato salad No, I never thought I said you told me that yesterday That's the only reason I bought it I didn't even know I had to bring anything because you told me that when you said do the show tomorrow Now here's what we're gonna have to do.
Okay, here's what we're gonna have to do. Why are talking to me in that town? I like it.
I like it. No, no, but why did you talk to me in that town? Because you be bullshitting.
You know what I mean? First of all, I called you yesterday to do the show tomorrow night, right? You're like, ah, nah, nah, I don't do the store. That was crazy.
No, it wasn't. Why? Because you already know.
We have this discussion on how I feel about the store. But this is not a store-sponsored thing.

You're part of the Bad Friends family.

We're doing a Bad Friends show at the Comedy Store,

and that's what I invited you to.

Once I realized that, I said, okay.

Right?

Yeah, yeah.

All right.

Did you drink today?

A little bit.

Okay.

I can tell.

I can tell.

I can tell.

He gets about me.

So first of all, welcome to the cookout. Welcome to the cookout.
Rudy, do you want to explain what you brought? What is this? I brought a sponge cake that is very famous in the Philippines. It's called mamon.
Mamon. Mamon.
Or we call it torta sometimes. Oh, no.
Torta's Mexican. Yeah, Mexican.
That's not yours. You can't just have that.
Wait. So is this it? Yeah.
This says ube ensamada. Ube ensamada.
Ube ensamada. Is this good? Does it need to be heated up? No.
Is that cheese on top? Yeah. They have cheese too down there.
All right, so oh, it's really soft. So do we all have to try this? Yeah, I've already had a couple, so I'm passed.
And now what's inside of this as I get grossed out? What is that purple stuff that's in there? It's just cream. Purple cream? Yeah.
Just try it. Okay, wait a minute.
You want to try one of these ube ensanambas? Yeah. All right.
And this is all, the whole bag is filled with this, right? Yeah. It's just one thing.
Do you guys want to try one? I'm good. Here, Pete, let's see if we can do this without knocking anything over.
Yeah. Good catch, Pete.
Thank you. All right, so let me try one.
Let's try a little bit of Ube Ensenaba because we want to try everybody's everything that we brought to the cookout here. What do you need, Doc? Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to grab this for you. Mouthy.
Whoa. Good.
Shut your punk ass. All right, I'm ready.
So what is... He has hostility toward me.
This is good. It's good, right? It's not hostility.
You know why he's hostile? Why? He just got out of jail. He stormed the stage at Dave Chappelle.
Was that you, Doc? Fucking no. It looked like you.
I was like... Dude, they beat the shit out of that guy.
Oh, good. Did you see the pictures of this guy?

No.

Bring up the photo of this guy.

Look at the guy that stormed the... This fucking guy, you know what happened.

After it was over, they gave him a couple more...

You know?

They gave him a couple more nuts.

I don't know exactly what happened.

I just know that he was assaulted.

He storms the stage.

That's him.

The clearest one is like the fifth one down.

Do you see it?

Here, I got it right here.

Oh, you do?

Yeah.

Oh, my God. Okay.
And why did he do it? Zoom in on his face. Why did he do it? Well, I don't know motive yet.
Oh, but you don't know motive? But apparently somebody said he had- Oh, shit, you don't. A Bobby Lee show? Assault.
Assault. Nothing will happen.
Assault. Yeah.
Yeah. Attack Bobby, because at his show, he'll just give you a hug.
Yeah, yeah. But this guy got caught up in the Matrix.
What's that called in black culture when that happens to this guy, Doc? Beat down. Getting beat down.
You got beat down. You get beat the fuck down.
Yeah, well, here's the deal. So he tackles Dave, and apparently he's got like a knife or something that looks like a gun or a knife.
I can't, I don't know the details. And Dave got out of the way.
Good timing on Dave. Dodged.
He used just your technique of dodging elephants. Yeah, yeah.
Look at that's what it is. It was a knife that looked like a gun.
You think he'll PTSD from it? Dave? Yeah. No.
No. It seems traumatic though.
It looks like he won. Do you know what I mean? I know, but still, he did win.
Do you know what I mean? I understand that. It just feels like Dave is like, I don't know.
Maybe his security will get tighter. No one will be able to access the stage, period, now.
Yeah. I just don't understand how, because I've been to a Cure concert, and like, how do I get up there to attack Robert Smith? I wouldn't, but I'm just saying, how would you even be able to do it?

I mean, the Hollywood Bowl you've been, you can walk right up to the stage.

Yeah.

Oh, I see.

I think what you can do is, we're giving tips on how to do this.

Yeah.

What is this that you brought, Pete?

Is this a burrito?

This is sausage and pepper.

Sosice pepper.

It's Italian cookout.

Oh, my God.

This guy brought an entire sausage and pep?

He probably made it at home, too.

Dude, let me tell you something about sausage and pep.

Oh, it's nice and sticky.

Whoa.

Bobby, you've never had sausage and peppers, have you?

No, never.

You don't know nothing about it.

What is a pep there?

Italiano, the sausage and pep.

This is so good, Pete.

Where'd you get this from?

Italian market.

It's called Mario's.

Do me a huge favor.

I'm not kidding.

Take a bite of this.

You're going to fucking lose your mind. I had a meatball sandwich, but I'll eat some.
But you got to. All right.
You got to. How good is that? Mama mia.
Mama mia. Bada boom, bada bing.
Bada bing, bada boom. That's it.
You looking at me? Come on, T. Hey, T, this guy's over here talking shit.
You going to let him talk to you like that? Wow, great. You never watch The Sopranos, did you? I love it.
Yeah? You have a napkin? Yeah. And the last thing we need to have you eat at the cookout is the potato salad and the kimchi and that.
You got to try all of it. Why me, though? Nah, because you didn't bring anything.
I brought the fucking potato salad. Who brought the potato salad? Was it Rudy? On the way over here, where did we go? Ralph's.
Yeah. Who brought...
Whose idea was it, though? To do Wabi's. To pick it up and buy it? Yeah.
Don't do that. Don't do that because you know he didn't bring it.
Can I have one of those? I did bring it. What an unbelievable waste of food.
I hope we don't err in a country where they're struggling to get food. You do.
You mean what? I hope none of our fans are in countries where they can't get food. Well, I looked it up.

And Ethiopia is huge.

Oh, huge.

We're huge in Ethiopia?

Yeah, huge in Ethiopia.

It's good to know we got fans.

Yeah, yeah.

No, yeah.

So listen, here's the bottom line.

Bob, you brought your salad.

Yeah.

And he brought his.

Yeah.

But the problem was, we wanted it homemade

because you said,

black people in potato salad,

we make the best

and we care about

which one,

where it comes from.

This is just Vons.

Yeah, I get it.

But that's Ralph.

I wanted you to bring

your potato salad.

I don't have a fucking kitchen

in my studio.

If I would have had one,

I would have fucking made one.

I mean, what the fuck? Stop, stop, stop. Wait a minute.
Wait, wait. Let me ask you something.
How's that my problem? Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it.
Can I ask you some questions? Oh, go ahead. Shoot.
And I'm not assaulting you and I'm not going to make good of you at all. What you doing? Say it.
Let's go to basics. Yeah, let's go.
Do you have a bathroom? Yes. Okay.
With a shower and everything. So you can make wine in the toilet.
Shower, but not a bathtub. You don't have a bathtub, but you have a shower? No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I don't have a bathtub, but I have a shower.
But you don't take baths, do you, Doug? No, a shower. But if you had a bathtub, you would take a bath? No.
You don't like baths? No. I love baths.
Because when you wash yourself down and all that nut juice and all that sitting in there, it's like a fucking... Okay, can I say something right now? What the fuck are you talking about? What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know how much nut juice comes out of your nut juice, right? Obviously a ton.
A ton, right? It must be just a faucet of fucking nut juice. Like there's a knob and...
Of nut juice. Now listen, okay? Black nut juice.
Yeah, yeah. Black nut juice.

What you do is this.

I don't plug in the fucking thing at first.

What I do is I let the faucet run in the bath.

I stick my asshole to it, and I take pine tar soap.

That's what I use, right?

And I stick the bar inside the asshole, and I wash it out.

Yeah.

Then my nut juice, I squirt out some in the little fucking faucet. I don't have as much as you do.

I have like three little squirts.

Nut juice, nut juice, nut juice, right?

Then I wash out my dick, right?

And then I plug it up.

So all the nut juice and shit juice is all in the drain, baby.

All in the drain.

Yeah.

And then I put hot water in.

I put some Epsom salt, right?

And I take a little bath.

And it's relaxing.

You ever bath bomb?

You ever take one of those baths?

Yeah, sometimes I'll go to like Lush.

Oh, I love it.

I'll talk to like uh lush oh i love it don't you love oh i love it the rainbow ones where it makes all the colors bubble up on me back yeah like it's like did elton john fart in here i thought you said elon at first that would also work would have been better if i would have said it right did elon john yeah i fucked in here? I fucked up the joke. That's Elton, John, and Ellen together.
Ellen, John. Ellen, John, fart in here.
Do you take baths, Rudy? No, I don't like it. Why? Because it was like a, was it an evil thing back in the Philippines? No, I just can't rest.
Don't you rest in the bath? What? What? Don't you rest? That's what white people do. Yeah, we just hang out.
I can't do that. What do you mean whites do it? He does it too.
Yeah. You think it's only a white thing? That's what I see in TVs.
What were the showers like in the Philippines? Did they time you? There's no shower. You just have a tub.
A bucket. Yeah, and then you just do that.
Relax. Relax.
Is that Yeah. Yeah, it's relaxing.
But you got to get through it before the water gets cold. Yeah.
There's no hot water. It's just really cold.
Do you boil it? No. No, it's just all cold.
Yeah. Is the water...
Where's the water from? The river? We have a tank. You have a tank.
There's a tank, Yeah. A well? No, a tank.

So it's a water tank.

Yeah.

They put the river water in the water tank, right?

It's clean.

It's clean.

Where's the water from the water?

I'm not making fun of you.

I don't know, but I see like trucks and they just put water in the tanks.

Ah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

It's the same truck that uses the porta-potties and they drain those. So y'all use cold water? Yeah.
What? So you got to get an immune system there. Oh, yeah.
Because, you know, because, you know, when you take a cold shower... Here we go.
This is black... Oh! Doctor, doctor.
This is all black... Spit! Oh, man.
When you take a cold shower, you ain't gonna get COVID. No.
By the way, this motherfucker got COVID like three times. He takes nothing about cold showers.
I need to take cold showers. You should start.
So when you take cold showers, what happens is your body gets cold, break it down, and then your fucking blood gets to fucking, you know. I have a theory though.
I know, well, I know like cold baths are really good for you. You have to work out for your muscles.
I go to the, when I go to the Korean spa, I'll go to the. It may heighten your immune system.
Get it! Yeah, smoking may kill you. Oh, well, then you might as well say that about everything.
I can say may to anything. So the doctor said...
You may be six feet tall. No, no, no.
Most likely not. I am not.
Yeah, you am not. You am not.
Well, I have a theory that going to the hot sauna and then going into the cold plunge and going back and forth will elevate my life.

Extend.

Well, they do say doing that is good.

It tricks your body.

So it is good for you.

Have you ever done cryotherapy?

No.

What's that?

Give me a game.

Can we go?

Yeah, I'll do cryotherapy.

Cryo is amazing.

I mean, you basically are in a freezing tank.

You're standing up in like a it uses

look at that. There's cryo right there.

Look at that. Negative 243.

Fuck. Wow.
Does it build?

Is it lukewarm and then it builds

or is it cold up front? No, it's freezing

fucking cold. Fucking outer

space is minus 275. That's

fucking shit. Yeah.
Well, you

got to wear gloves and stuff and you got to protect yourself. Otherwise

you'll get frostbite and die. And you can only

be there for, I don't even know. It's really

quick. Did you know in 2021 Thank you.
fucking shit. Yeah.
Well, you got to wear gloves and stuff and you got to protect yourself otherwise you'll get frostbite and die.

And you can only be there for,

I don't even know.

It's really quick.

Did you know in 2029,

2028 or 2029,

there's going to be space resorts?

Don't get him,

now you're getting him started on NASA shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So there's going to be space resorts

and I might book a weekend there.

How much is it?

I don't know how much it's going to be

but that's what I heard.

A space resort? You can go to space. Yeah, there's a resort to a hotel in space.
In seven years. Yeah.
Fuck, the flight alone is like 25 to 200 grand. World's first space hotel will open in 2027.
Yeah, 27. Do you want to go in on a vacation home? Let's 50-50 it.
Yeah. I'm so down.
We have a timeshare. Can I go? No.
No, we're not going. Why not? You're so skinny, you float away into the fucking abyss i want to see space nah look at the sky yeah look at space you're in space right now yeah space tourism is no longer uh stuff of the science fiction or just around the corner aside from private missions uh this says uh it's gonna have 2027 wow so where is it Mars gotta be Mars no it's just probably our atmosphere just floating yeah not that far from Earth take me to a planet or fuck off I wanna go to another planet can we start with just floating in space and then look at other planets I don't wanna I wanna go right to the thing I wanted to go right to the best ride when we went to fucking Six Flags what did When we went to fucking Six Flags, what did we do? Did we start off with some bullshit? Or did we do the fucking...
X2. Yeah, we did X2 right after that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why am I fucking...
Why would I want to go toy around it? Just take me to the fucking planet. I gave her a scenario that when we were driving and I go, if there was a planet, right, that had the same, you know, atmospheric conditions that Earth did, right, but we knew nothing about it, would you just move there forever and she said yes i would immediately that's insane what else do i have to live for down here your wife oh like i can't get a new fucking wife in space space pussy no you don't know what andrew andrew yeah yeah great to meet you i've been waiting for you i have vaginas.
You can fuck all of them. Imagine.
Yeah. Imagine.
Are they all good, though? No, there's... There's got to be a couple of damaged ones.
Two of them. Bite your dick off.
It's like Russian roulette. Two of them are real nice, though.
Yeah, but you've got to find them. Yeah, yeah.
The Kepler data calculated the Milky Way could harbor as many as 6 billion Earth-like planets. Well, another estimated the number of potentially habitable planets in our galaxy, about 300 million.
You're telling me you wouldn't take the opportunity to go live on another planet knowing you would survive. Okay, you're not going to die right away.
Yeah, you could because we don't know what kind of viruses are on the planet. No, no, no.
But you just did say it was the same atmosphere as here so we can breathe just fine. No,, it has oxygen and water and water, but we don't know what viruses there's probably new viruses.
They're good. What? He's right.
You never know what the fuck. Thank you so much.
Now do you regret though? Now he's on your side. In a debate team, I would be scared.
Yeah. You shouldn't be Bobby.
That's good. Let me tell you something.
you something. I don't give a fuck what viruses exist up there.
Or creatures. We don't know what kind of creatures live there.
You'll be embedded in history forever for being one of the first people to go try it. I would rather be that.
But let me ask you this question. Then fucking die just doing this podcast.
You have to bring six people. What six would you bring? You.
Why? I could use you as a shield.

I just feel like I would be the experimental guy. Yeah, 100%.

Go in the cave, go in the cave.

No, Bob, come on.

Just go down.

Yeah, and I go in the cave.

And I'm dead.

Well, we can't go in that cave.

I would bring Griff, Eric Griffin.

Why?

I know why.

Food sampling. He would eat anything.
Taste that. He eats it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't eat that.
So we gotta bring Griffin. Then you have to bring a sacrificial lamb.
You know what that is, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if the creatures are like, you know, we need one of you, and then we'll let you go free.
Who do I bring? I'll do it. Yeah.
See, that's what's disgusting. She loves it.
She thinks it's gonna be some kind of alien orgy. That's why she wants to go.
Yeah. She nods it on.
Would you bring Doc? For science. We need the science guy.
He has a turn. No, no, no.
I would bring you, but you'd have to shut the fuck up about the space. Because he'd be sitting there all day.
No, I was reading the Pentagon report from CIA. All these little rocks.
And he'd go on and on. And you'd be exhausted.
And another thing he would be doing is he'd drift away, right? And he'd try to pick up berries. And then he'd build some wood apparatus.
What are you doing? I'm making wine. Yeah.
You'd be looking to get fucked up. You'd be getting fucked up because we wouldn't allow the wine but you would yeah go ahead.
Okay let me ask you this. What if it was survivor style though? You dropped off at their planet.
You still would do it and if dinosaurs would steal dinosaurs would steal the species. We can buy dinosaur laws.
They sell dinosaurs. But if dinosaurs were still roaming that particular planet, would you still do it? No.
But you've added too many shaky elements. What you're saying is that we get captured and we get dropped off there as some sort of experiment? There it is.
That's what I'm talking about. All right.
So what you're saying is that we can't choose who we get dropped off with then, do we? You can still. Whatever makes you come.
So the alien comes down and goes, we're going to capture you, but you get to choose the five that you get captured with. I think they would just randomly.
They're very diplomatic like that. Yeah oh really yeah let me say this all right if dinosaurs were on any of these places i would never go okay you're done you're absolutely fucking if it weren't for the asteroid that killed those fucking things we wouldn't exist the only reason i think that happened universally is to save or, you know, whatever we came from to eventually get us to be this point because dinosaurs were going to roam this thing for way longer.
Dinosaurs were created by the devil to make us think that there were dinosaurs, okay? Can you believe that, Jim? All right. Because the earth has only been around for like 3,000 or 5,000 years.
So just a little bit longer than we've been here? Yeah, yeah.

Hmm, seems weird.

Yeah.

Don't we have proof that there's fucking 10,000-year-old?

It's all the devil.

Oh, it's fake.

Yeah, yeah, to trick us.

Huh.

To not believe in the Bible.

Well, I like this devil.

To not believe in the Bible.

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Zombie apocalypse, though, right? I would definitely bring you. Now, why is that? Because you're small.
Low to the ground. You're low to the ground.
You can get us stuff. Yeah, go to the fucking Gelson's, man.
Bobby, you're only an inch taller than me, but go ahead.

Yeah, but that inch is a dead giveaway.

It's a dead giveaway.

They see him.

That yellow beanie, they're going to see for miles.

Yeah, I always wear my beanie.

And at night, we can just, you know, let you go,

and you can just scramble on the earth down to wherever you need to go,

grab stuff, and then come right back.

I imagine Doc is a zombie.

We would just, ah, let him in.

Let him in.

He's not scary at all.

What is he going to do? He's just drunk.

Yeah, he's a drunk zombie.

Come on back.

Just taking a nap.

I still have my

Do a Doc zombie impression.

Do the combo, all right?

You've got to try it.

Come on, man. That's looking good.
I like that. That's like, oh.
Tito, Tito. Come on, Bobby, man.
Yeah. Look, I want to say this before we continue on with the fun.
This, what is this called again? Mamun. Mamun.
This stuff's fucking good. Yeah.
Shout out to Mamun. Okay.
You like the Italian sub. Pretty good.
You don't want to break into the potato salad, do you? Well, I brought my own. So I'm going to try some of mine.
So Doc says that there's, is there a ranking system to potato salad? Yeah. Really? Well, it depends on your taste buds.
I want you to try both of these and tell me which one is better why don't we do this you guys put two on a plate oh yeah mix it about yeah and see which one's better and see which one he says go over there behind you know so this one's doc this one's mine that's so good this is so fun this is like the pepsi challenge yeah it's fun yeah when they're like this one's way I'm a Coke fan. They're like, well, it was Pepsi.
Yeah. I never believed that.
I thought it was always the other one anyway. Or they put Pepsi in both and I was like, this is a fucking scam.
Another thing I asked this Juliana was in the car ride over. I said, what drugs have you tried? She goes, I haven't tried any drugs except from weed.
Yeah. And then I go, if Harry Styles was shooting heroin, Oh, come on.
would you shoot heroin with him? And she said yes. What? Are you serious? You would do that? But that's never gonna happen.
Who the fuck knows? This show is getting popular. Yeah.
I don't know. You would really do that? If it's with Harry, then yeah.
You would do anything anything would you murder another human being if Harry Styles says I'd fuck you? yeah wow wow what if he said okay how about would you murder another human being if he said he would just give you a hug? hug? I'm trying to find out your boundaries kiss? okay you get a kiss but no tongue just a little a quick peck you peck. You gotta murder a human being.
No, you have to, someone specific.

You have to murder Kalilah.

No, I can't.

Would you have sex?

Well, if Carrie said, I'll have sex with you if you murder Kalilah.

This is good.

I have to.

Oh my God.

You have to kill Kalilah?

I think Kalilah will understand.

Yeah, she would.

But I fucking wouldn't.

And I would kill you.

What would it take,

if you said you had to kill Tito Bobby, what would you in exchange for that just a hug just a hug that was funny and that was the right answer but that was wrong hey dude this is a comedy show yeah yeah I love it alright she's right alright so Doc wait so you know which one's which yeah okay I've labeled one and two here okay so he knows so Doc give it to Doc and let's have a little taste test and let's see which one he thinks is better.

But I also, like the Food Network, you got to tell me why.

You know when you watch Food Network, they're like,

this is better and da-da-da.

Give me real reasoning to why you think this is better.

Which one did you try first?

Number one.

Okay, put the mic a little bit closer to you so we can hear.

Okay, so number one.

Now give some descriptions about it.

Nice, sweet, smooth taste to it. Okay.
Is that number two now? That's number two. God damn.
Number two is beautiful. It's good, huh? Oh yeah.
That sounds like that came, this feel like it came fresh out of the daily section. Mine came out of the container.
So mine should have been sitting up probably for about three, four days. Okay, okay.
Which one is better? Number one is better number two which one was number two Pete docks that was the one so what's the proof of all this you don't know shit yours was frozen three times unfrozen put back on a shelf this is why I call bullshit well I still know number I still know because I picked number two no no no you even said it wasn't yours you literally went no this ain't mine yeah because I didn't even taste it what it was a brand new box I know but you picked the one that was yours thinking it wasn't going to be when you just tasted it exactly but what'm trying to tell you is he's doing mind tricks again the jedi fucking black mind tricks you ever had the the black bombs do the three card molly on you same thing all right so uh sometimes sometimes in you know in in very heavy touristy areas, there'll be a guy who has three cards, three card Molly, you know, three bent in half. And he'll do this.
He'll show up and he'll go, which one's the, you know, and you have to pick. And then it's a trick.
There's a, it's a simple way of hiding a card that should be yours, that isn't yours. It's a, it's a.
But FYI, this kimchi. Yeah.
Oh, I've had this. Whole Foods.
It's the worst in the market. Oh, I've had this.
Don't we have this in a home? It's at Whole Foods. It's not even open.
No. Yeah, yeah.
This is from Whole Foods? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the worst in the market.
I've had this shit before. Yeah, it's terrible.
Look at this. It says from Japan.
Yeah, that's why it's not good. No.
Yeah. This is also, well, okay.
So last week we talked about talked about the ingredients. Yeah.
You can't, are these, some of these ingredients not good for kimchi then? Cabbage, obviously. Yellow onion, green onion, red chili pepper flakes.
Salt, fresh peeled garlic, fresh ginger, organic sugar, fish sauce. The ginger I don't think is a thing.
Is it not a thing for kimchi? I don't know. Why am I asking you? You're not fucking Korean.
Fresh ginger, me. fish salt salted shrimp salted shrimp yeah have you had kimchi before no you want to try some i'm allergic to shrimp no no there is no shrimp in this oh yeah oh yeah i want to try some that's what i was gonna ask you yeah if you had shrimp would you die yeah probably because it causes my throat to swell and shit like that is there shrimp let's find out in this episode is there shrimp in there Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, bro. Because it causes my throat to swell and shit like that.
Is there shrimp in there? Let's find out.

In this episode, is there shrimp in there?

No, for real, is shrimp in there?

Because you can't fuck around.

No, no, honestly, most kimchi doesn't have shrimp in it.

I think they're saying like a salted shrimp flavoring.

You can look at it yourself.

No, I can't.

So here's how I'm going to explain it to you.

Why did I have to say all the ingredients?

We could have watched him die. Live on bad friends yeah yeah your throat would swell up and then

you your eyes would roll back and you would die the throat closes whatever happens yeah yeah well

let's see what's the last time you had so all shellfish not all of them well yeah yeah because

i don't i don't know every single one so i've had lobster no can't do lobster can't do shrimp

Thank you. Not all of them.
Well, yeah, yeah. Because I don't know.
I haven't had every single one.

So I've had lobster.

No.

Can't do lobster.

Can't do shrimp.

Can't do clams.

Okay.

Mussels?

Can't do crab.

Can't do mussels.

Uh-huh.

All of them.

You could just say seafood.

At this point, you named everything.

I can eat certain fish, though.

Oh, certain fish.

What are the fish you can't have?

Like salmon, can you have?

Yeah. Tuna? Yeah.
Okay. What are the ones you can't have? Like salmon, can you have? Yeah.

Tuna?

Yeah.

Okay.

What are the ones you can't have? Orange ruffy, no.

What?

Orange ruffy.

It's a kind of fish, but the idea that you name, like how often are you seeing orange

fucking ruffy?

I just got sick off of it.

I don't know what to tell you.

Where did you try orange ruffy?

It might have been a restaurant.

You know what I'm saying?

That's what orange ruffy looks like.

It's actually quite good. Snapper? Catfish.
Can you eat catfish? Yeah. Look at what it looks like.
Is that kind of like me? It looks like one of my ancestors. If you were a fish, that would be you.
That's where I came from, for sure. Have any of y'all had a shark before? No, is it legal? Yeah.
They sell it at Whole Foods. Shark? Yes.
You could buy shark at Whole Foods? Yeah. What? Once in a while.
Shark fin? I thought shark fin was illegal. Nah.
Have you tried monitor lizard? Holy shit. Here we go.
I know. We're going to the jungle.
We're going deep. Wait.
Continue. Go ahead and keep talking.
So let me ask you something. All right.
Did you just say, have you ever tried monitor lizard? Yeah. Okay.
What is that? It's like a really big lizard that there's, it's a lot in the Philippines and they just make it their pets. Monitor lizard.
Yeah. They make it their pets, but then you said, have you tried it? So do they eat their pets? Yeah.
Look at the fucking size of that thing. Look at that fucking thing.
You eat that fucking thing? That's like a Komodo dragon. Yeah.
What does it taste like? Let me guess. Chicken.
Yeah, they all taste like chicken. Yeah.
It's good. So how do you cook it? You just grill it? Yeah, grill it or just fry it.
That's what my uncle did. Well, let me ask you something.
Oh, there's monitor food. You feed it, but then you eat it, I guess.
Do you get it as a pet until you run out of food and then you have to eat it? Is that kind of how it works? I guess. Who can afford it as a pet? Obviously someone that has a lot of money.
No, like anyone. They just find it.
But then when do they decide if they're going to eat it or not? When they're hungry, I guess. Yeah, okay.

What is this?

Abandang baywak.

Bayawak.

Yeah, that's what it looks like when you eat it.

That's monitor lizard.

Wow.

Let me tell you something.

Zoom in on that.

Yeah.

That's good.

That does not look good.

That's the opposite of good.

It looks good.

Yeah.

It does?

I can't even see.

I can't even.

There's not an American dish or any dish I've ever seen that can go, oh, it looks like that. Right.
Yeah, that looks like something out of this world. You have to try it.
You know what that looks like? If I clean out the compost thing under my sink, if stuff gets good, that's what it looks like. It does.
Right? After that choppy thing in my sink when it gets clogged up, that's exactly what's underneath. Do you want me to bring that next time? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or, you know, you go in the dryer, and then you have that thing and all that. The lint? The lint? Yeah, yeah.
You put some of that in there. Yeah, I mean, like, are those poo seeds? I mean, what's in there? That is not.
And they left some skin on, so you eat some of the skin. It's crispy, yeah.
Oh, it's crispy. Yucky, yucky, yucky, buddy.
Yeah, I would fry it to the point where it was just like you could just only taste the charcoal and the darkness. If I was on the show alone then, and that's only day eight.
That's, what, really? What? If we were on alone and you and I were in the tundra and we haven't eaten eight days and we saw a monitor literally, what's up? Well, I would eat it way before that. Day four? I'd eat it day one if I could get it.
Yeah, okay, day one, day one. That show, how about this? I proposed it on this show before and I've said it again and I'm going to say it again.
Yeah. I want Fancy to reach out to Naked and Afraid and I want to do it with you.
I would love. Will you do Naked and Afraid with me? We got to bring him.
I think there's only two people that are allowed. Okay, we'll get, we'll ask a three man.
We got to do a three man. Will you please reach out to Naked and Afraid to see if we can do us three on Naked and Afraid? Number one, I want to see him scared and naked.
Me too. It is so bad.
I'm not trying to be on fucking Naked and Afraid. Why? Here's what I'm going to ask you.
Would y'all eat bugs? Yeah. Don't go from Naked and Afraid to bugs.
Stop jumping around. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's talk about Naked and Afraid. Why wouldn't you want to be naked and afraid with us? want to ask you this is a weird scenario i don't know what it's on television you know how famous you'll be who get the fuck they blew out the dick i don't care if you don't get a lot it's just weird to just be out there naked with you two god our ancestors did this yeah what's so weird about it i think our ancestors like okay okay how about this what our Our ancestors what? What do you mean? They wore like a leaf dress.
You's so weird about it? I think our ancestors was like, okay. Okay,

how about this?

What,

our ancestors what?

What do you mean?

They wore like a leaf dress,

you know what I'm saying?

Yeah,

you get something

to cover up your penis,

they cover it up.

Oh,

okay.

I don't know,

I guess it's my problem.

I thought we was like

rubbing cocks

and eating monitors.

A little pebble in it.

I can't hear you

when you're talking over here.

You gotta,

hey,

go ahead.

Go ahead,

doc.

No,

I just said like,

I just thought we'd be like

rubbing cocks and eating monitors. You think that if we were on Naked and Afraid we'd be rubbing cocks and making fire? What the fuck are you talking about? I got my own bow drill.
Look at my dick. It's insane.
Insane. Just you and I then.
Yes. Okay.
Okay, you and I, will you propose that, Fancy? Will you please reach out to them? And also, I have a festival that I want us to go to.

Show him the festival that I found today.

A four-day sex island party, okay?

A sex island party in Las Vegas.

What is it?

You can have 100.

It's like 100 prostitutes per guy.

Okay, first of all, number one, do we get passes from our girlfriends and wives?

Well, we have to ask them.

It's for the show. Oh, it's for show business.
This is for the show. It's for show business.
This is for the show. Right.
I think it should. Have you, Doc, have you ever done that? No, no.
I never went to a brothel. A brothel.
And a trap house. I've had sex at a trap house, yeah.
A trap house? Yeah. Okay.
Do you know what a trap house is? No. Trap house is like the drug house.
It's like a... Yeah, yeah.
So you've had sex at the trap house? I got blowjobs, yeah. Oh, you told us about that from people that were on crack.
There you go. Yeah, that's worth it.
But that's fine. But you didn't pay them.
You gave them crack. Correct.
I guess you paid them in a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They come to you. Normally, they come to you anyway.
Yeah, they're there and you're like, you know, listen. Hey, baby, let me get a little bit of action for a little bit of, you know what I mean? And then you go, okay.
You're like, look, you got a mouth, I got some crack. Yeah, let's go on there to get a bit.
And then when you're a kid, like, you know what I mean? You're ready to get them blowjobs. I would be so bad at selling crack.
Oh, you would be? Why could you do it all? I would just give it away. I'd feel so bad when people are like, come on, man.
And I'd just be like, here, dude, get out of here. You're scaring me.
I was downtown with my friend Kalisto many, many years ago. And a crack addict goes, hey, man, can you spend some change? And I gave him $40.
And I remember my friend Kalisto grabbed me. And he goes, you piece of shit.
I go, why? And he goes, all he's going to fucking do is buy crack with that. Why'd you do that? And I go, because I didn't have any crack on me.
Yeah. What did you want me to do? Imagine if he asked for some change and I gave him crack instead.
You know how happy you would be? He doesn't have to go through. You know what I mean? I was, you know, there's no middleman.
Right. Go direct.
Hey, man, you got some crack. You're like, I do.
Yeah, yeah. Because they don't want your money because they need to get – They want crack.
Because your money is another step. Yeah.
Now I need to go get the crack. Yeah, there is that idea that like if you give homeless people money, they'll get liquor or do something bad with it.
So what? Yeah, but for me, it's like I just want them to be happy. I give them money all the time.
Me too. I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck. Life's too short to me think about what they're going to do with the money.

Because they might buy crack,

but they also might buy Jonas Brothers tickets

to a concert.

There you go.

You never know.

Or they might go to Aspen.

Or they might go to Dave Chappelle

at the Bowl and attack him.

Imagine a guy's like,

I'm just saving just enough money

to run on stage

to buy a Dave Chappelle ticket

so I can run on stage.

Are y'all serious?

Y'all give to every homeless person?

Not everyone,

but every once in a while,

if I have some spare cash, I might do it. if i have a little bit of money in my pocket you know what you know when i do it the most when i leave the store if i'm leaving the club and i'm going through hollywood and there's somebody begging yeah i'm gonna give it to him because what you say it like you don't you don't fucking believe in that shit no no no it's not that i just don't i thought you might meant like you run to the atm don't fucking believe in that shit? No, no, no.
It's not that. I just don't.

I thought you might have meant you run to the ATM, come back and bring him a little crisp.

No, I don't. That's insane.

That's insane. No, we don't do that.

I'm not going to go out of my way.

And if he dies in the meantime...

Although there was

one incident when I was at the comedy store

and I was there during the day to pick up a check

and I remember...

I'm going to name his name,

but he,

very funny comic,

but he would relapse,

and he would always do crack, right?

And so he was there during the day

just hanging out in the parking lot, right?

And he came up to me,

and he had a fucking lesion on his face. Like something had busted open and a blood clot on his face.
It was fucking crazy. And he had no shoes.
And he's a really funny guy. I was there that day too.
You were there? Do you remember that? I worked there a lot that day. Oh, yeah.
You know who it was? Don't say the name. No, we're not.
Yeah, I know exactly. You do remember.
So I'm not making this up. Yeah, he's not making it up.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
And I go, I'll get you a hotel room instead. Okay.
Because he asked for cash, and I didn't want him to die from doing drugs. Right.
So twice this happened in my life. My other friend, Louie, same thing happened.
CK. Louie.
And he had relapsed, and I go, I'll get you a nice hotel for like three days, but I'm not going to buy you, give you money. Because I don't want them to die.
But I think the problem is, then you just gave them a place to do crack. You kind of just gave them a place to do crack.
That's true. That is true.
I didn't think it through. I'm not getting you crack, but I'm going to get you a roof over your head to do crack.
But in that situation, what do you do, though? No, dude, you didn't do. Look.
What do you do? You're damned if you do. You're damned if you don't.
so you your head to do crack yeah that situation what do you do though no dude you didn't do you look what do you do you're you're you're you're damned if you do you're damned if you don't so you just have to do it and then hope that they make something that it works for them yeah i had one of those moments the other day i cried at like a fucking youtube video because it was this i think he had autism and he was like kind of finicky in a in a guitar store and uh much he doesn't have autism at all. I'm just, but I mean, he was very nervous and he just acted very like uncomfortable and he was trying to buy a guitar and it was $200, okay? And the guy said, there was nothing funny about this, by the way.
It was just sweet. But here's the challenge.
Hold on, hold on. The challenge is I want you to find the funny.
I know I'm going to. You know I'm looking for that.
As I say it.

Here's the challenge.

No, but as the guy says, he says, okay, how much is it?

It's $200 with the guitar in the case.

He goes, you don't know how long I've been looking for this.

I mean, he was dude.

He was like, we needed it so bad.

And the guy says, well, how much do you have?

He said, I just got paid.

So is there a way for me to put some on a card and some on a thing?

And he says, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he lets him do it.

He has $150 on this.

And then he says he has $50 or something on that. And the guy's like, oh, 220 or something like that so he's short 20 and he goes oh and he keeps looking at his wallet he's doing that thing it's like almost like cartoonish he keeps looking at his wallet like something might fall out and then a woman goes how much more do you need and he goes i'm putting it on layaway they're gonna put it on They'll hold it for me for six weeks until I can muster up 20 more dollars.
And she goes, I'll just pay for it. And it made me cry because I was like, this is faith in humanity restored.
Now, the other part that they didn't show was that he had to fuck the shit out of this old pig for giving him $20. There's the funny.
No, but he got, but it was sweet. It was so sweet.
Honestly, I'm being serious. No, that was really, you know, it just made me go, oh, you have money.
Why didn't you jump in? It was a video on YouTube. Upstart.
Oh my God. I've had debt problems in my life.
Yep. And I wish back then when I was younger, Upstart was around.
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Of course I would. What do you mean you wouldn't? I would give them $20.
You would not? $200 guitar ain't nothing for like 75 bucks or something like that. Fuck out of here, man.
There's people starving in Africa. Go on with that goddamn thing.
Oh, are you helping people starving

in Africa, that phrase? I'm just saying, though.

How much money have you sent to Africa, Doc? I haven't sent to

goddamn Doug. Well, then shut the fuck up.

I'm just saying,

I'm not giving a dude $20 for it.

Look at that. That says an acoustic guitarist.
$400.

What are you talking about? Well, whatever the case is,

I'm not giving him $400 guitar. That's a luxury.

Okay, you know what? I hope that guy writes

a song about how much he doesn't

like you.

Speaking of the saddest thing I've seen on YouTube,

Can I tell you the saddest video i've seen on youtube i don't want to see the whole thing let's not play it but it's this cambodian tv show i'm already crying cambodia does it for me every time and it's a reunion show when people were ripped apart by the Kimire Rouge and the war okay and so they reunite people right and um a woman gets reunited with her sister right and they hadn't seen each other since they were kids right which makes you makes you cry. Immediately.
Right?

But then there's a third surprise.

And I don't want to ruin it for people.

Don't ruin it.

Yeah, yeah.

But there's a third surprise.

And once you see the third surprise, bro.

That's it.

If you don't cry.

Yeah.

Turn on the waterworks.

Yeah, yeah.

It's really good.

It's really good. What's the name of the show so people can look it up?

Gook Family. Gook Family.
good it's really what's the name of the show so people can look it up uh uh gook family i don't know what it's called it's cambodian show where sisters get yeah you just put cambodian reunited and that's the first video we could actually fast forward it to the end yeah that's it can we just fast forward it to the end and to get to the surprise oh yeah yeah yeah yeah Okay, so I'll just give it away. Fuck it, all right? I'll just give it away.
Fuck it, right? Yeah, roll it in the background. Yeah, so the two sisters get reunited.
And then the lady goes, well, here's a family photo. And the both sisters are like, wait a second.
That is us as kids, but we haven't seen this photo in 40 years. So where'd you get the photo? They found the mom.
Shut up. That's the photo right there.
Yeah, that's the photo right there. They found the...
Hey, man, you can't hit me with surprises, man. You gotta fucking slow that shit down.
Right, right. They already did the reunion.
That's the reunion. So go back.
No, no, no. Leave it.
Do the reveal. Do the reveal first.
Go back. Go back.
Go back. Yeah.
So now she's going. They haven't revealed it yet.
Don't be scared. Act normal.
Yeah. That's the mom.
Right. So.
Wow. Yeah.
She's scared. And why did the kids get lost? Is it they gave up the kids for.
No, they got split during the war. There's bombs people running god turn it up now a little bit turn it up it's a rough language it's so unattractive i was just doing the exact same thing there's no way to be romantic with that opposite of french come here baby it's like so hard to she kind of doesn't believe it's her she's like who is this yeah it could be anybody i mean asian stale she's like you look chinese yeah it could have been sandra in a way it doesn't matter so now watch here's the third nothing can compare to this well just you wait well yeah push pause it would have been a great though if right before their embrace Bob just dies or just a heart implodes and she dies I mean how that would have been she's like mung Doc You're right doc It hit him hard Man that shit Man water up my mouth Man god damn Well god bless doc God bless you Man that's from special shit How do you feel about that Rudy Um It was sweet Doesn't give a shit She does not give a fuck Remember I tried to show you this video A couple years ago and you didn't even watch it? No.
Yeah, she doesn't like it. You don't like to feel, huh? I like to feel sometimes.
What do you like to feel? Harry Styles. Harry.
No, what do you feel? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't it.
This doesn't get you. I think this comes with age.
I think you can't appreciate this stuff until you're older. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then once you get older, you can't. Because you've never felt lost.
No felt lost no yeah yeah and when you feel lost and and that and i think when that happens you'll start those feelings were i don't know maybe no you're right i don't know when you go through some sort of trauma or loss there's something that happens when you see stuff like that it makes you get emotional because you know what it felt like you know what the that all those emotions you don't have any fucking emotions no we gotta get you some emotions I don't know she's a special one well the worst part is if she killed Kalilah to bone Harry Styles she'd be even happier about death so it'd be working in reverse it's like she's never You're gone forever, huh? Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah.
That doesn't do anything to you though that really watching that doesn't even. It was nice.
What do you mean? It's nice. Nice to look at.
Yeah. I like their dresses.
Like when they hug. Oh.
That was. But you didn't cry.
What? Yeah. Right.
Her response is why? Why would I cry? Yeah. What would make her cry about that? Yeah.
What would make you cry, do you think? Dogs. Oh.
So if two dogs rook rook, right? And here's your mom dog rook rook. Do dog re- Do dog.
Yeah. They start licking each other and then she's fucking like.
Dog reunited. Yeah, yeah.
Do dog reunited. Reunited.
Just write dog reunited.

This is going to get you.

This will get you.

I don't think it will.

You ice cold bitch. I don't think it will.

Oh my God.

The dog.

Look at that with its owner.

Oh, they don't really know that woman that well.

Oh, licky face.

Oh, you just start.

The red rocket comes out. at that rudy oh no the saddest one is army sold whenever it's soldiers when the dog there's one where a dog is literally crying at his master's gravesite oh yeah yeah and you can he's going oh yeah yeah

I remember that it's husky right it's a husky yeah yeah oh no that this oh if this doesn't get You're a nice cold piece of shit.

Yeah, you're a piece of shit.

Holy fuck, this is count. You're a nice cold piece of shit.
Yeah, yeah, you're a piece of shit.

Holy fuck.

This is actually killing me.

Shit, why would they put that one right after?

Yeah, because when another dog is gone, they can't believe it.

Oh, no. Oh, God.

See?

There it is.

See?

Oh, this is dying owner See Oh this is Dying owner

Oh man

Hey man

This is gonna turn into like

Your mom's house

Where we watch this

Fucked up shit

No no no

I can't see this

Stop turning it off man

I'm not my best

They get worse and worse

You know what I mean

Yeah

The next one is like

A dog wearing a wetsuit

Diving in to save

Six other dogs

Jesus Christ

Whoever put that together

I'm? Yeah. The next one is a dog wearing a wetsuit,

diving in to save six other dogs.

Jesus Christ.

Whoever put that together who has no gauge of how extremism works.

They're like,

oh, there's a dog crying on the old owner's grave.

And then four dogs in the street

that were bludgeoned by cars

pawing at each other's face.

It's just that was a little too much. Way too much.
much. Way too much.
Is there a movie that you cried on? I cried a million movies. I cry on movies all the time.
I'll give you one scene that makes me cry every time. The last second of the movie Magnolia.
What's at the end there? John C. Reilly is dating this girl this girl was molested by her dad in the movie right I remember the movie yeah talk show host or whatever and he's you know going I want to be with you and we're going to do all these things and it's just a fucking camera shot on the girl's face and she's looking at him with tears in her eyes, right? And the last second, she looks in the camera and she smiles.
It's so fucking good. It makes me, it's like redemption.
It's like feeling safe. I felt it when you said it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What makes you cry then, Doc? Do you have something in your mind? Shit, gladiator? When the motherfucker, when she's like holding him and he's dying and then she's like go to him and they show his family and then his wife is like her hand go across the thistles right there that hand across the thistles that's it motherfucking tears i'm in that motherfucking bullhorn what did you just say fancy it's the music the music music yeah it's like god damn it what were you jules what have youancy? It's the music.
The music. It's the music, yeah.
The music. Fuck.
It's like, God damn it.

What about you, Jules?

What have you cried on?

It's the dog movie, Hot Chico.

Air Bud.

I do get it.

Every time I see Air Bud, I start fucking.

Not Air Bud.

Hot Chico.

What?

Hot Chico.

Hot Chico?

Yeah.

C-H-I.

It's an anime?

Is it a fucking anime?

No, it's not anime!

I've never heard of Hot Chico the movie in my entire fucking life.

That's the movie.

What is this?

Who's in it?

Richard fucking Gear?

Richard Gear?

Does he jam the fucking dog in his asshole?

Bring up the trailer that would make me cry too oh that hurts do you even know what he's joking about? no it's an urban legend I don't think it's that true but there's always been this urban legend and I don't know why I came from where Richard Gere stuck a gerbil in his asshole what's a gerbil? it's like a little mouse a little hamster why? I don't know where Richard Gere stuck a gerbil in his asshole what's a gerbil it's like a little mouse a little hamster why I don't know why what what is that urban how did that even come about that urban legend the ER the ER what the show that he went to the emergency room and they had to get it out of him that's really that's where the rumor comes from oh wow hey who knows see if it's true though How could you? They're not going to fucking, they'll have that removed. Highly questionable cultural history of Richard Gere's ass gerbils.
The article doesn't help me not believe it. I don't.
Yeah. It's called gerbiling.
Yeah. That's what it's called when you put gerbils in your butthole.
Gerbiling. Gerbiling.
Yeah, and you've got to leave little pieces of food up there for it to find. It's animal cruelty, right? For some people.
No, but the animal dies, right? There's no animal that goes in there. I bet it comes out alive.
Really? If I stuck you in an elephant's asshole for how long? For more than 15 seconds, you'd be dead. If I could get a little bit of air, I'd be okay.
I mean, some people say eating monitor lizards is bad. You see what I'm saying? Yeah.
It's fine. It's normal.
See, and gerbiling might be normal in some cultures. Some people might be, gerbiling might have been the way that they found God.
I don't want to question someone's religious. Yeah.
You know? But is the sensation, let's just explore it a little bit. Is the sensation, I would think, is to feel something die inside you?

Ask Doc.

Well, fuck.

You gerbiled before.

No, gerbiled old dog.

Maybe a little hamster or something.

Just hit that little patter of the feet.

And anybody out there that likes to make art for the show,

and by the way, I want to say, at Carrillo Studios,

we love this guy.

This dude makes such great art.

Anybody that likes to make art for the show, go ahead and make a gerbiling Doc, if could please yeah yeah yeah we love gerbiling doc so go back real quick to this movie I need to see oh that is Carrillo Art Studios that is our guy that makes great art for us we love this dude go ahead and say it your way Fancy because you know Eric Carrillo yeah enough you let him do that once because he's like it live on the show? I'm like, yeah. I want to see the trailer for Hachico.
Yeah, trailer for Hachico. It's from the director of Chocolat did this fucking movie.
Wow. It's based on a true story, too.
Is this it? Yeah. This is just a story about a guy who fucking adopted a dog, and it works out.
Yeah, but at the end, something happens. The dog dies.
No. Richard Gere dies.
Yeah, and then the dog waited for him at the train station. But he didn't know, because he didn't know he was dead.
He got Doc. He got Doc again.
He got Doc again. He got Doc again.
Keep going, let's see. They're not to show anything about him dying Yeah, yeah, yeah

See, he's always waiting

Yeah

Alright

Pause it

Really irresponsible to let this dog just roam around town

Do you know what I mean?

He can get hit by a car so easily

Yeah

Why is my dog waiting for me at the train station?

Because he had to go six miles to get here, Richard Gere

Yeah

That was fucking mean

Let him roam around this small town

And here's another thing

Just if you thought about this.

Remember the Cambodian video I showed you earlier?

What if they were in town?

There'd be no Hachika.

Wait, that same shot?

Dude, that same shot of him looking under that clock where the dog's supposed to be, and it's just those three women. Oh my god.
Dude, you are fucking cracking me up right now, dude. Dude, you're cracking me up right now, dude.
You know why? Why? Because I saw saw this video it's on YouTube where the dog goes and he's his owner dies and he just goes to the same spot and just wait oh yeah oh we just know that became real yeah it is on YouTube we just yeah yeah now what I mean the real story yeah yeah well where the fuck is the real one that's gotta be better than this one let me tell you something that didn't get me yeah I just that didn't get me not like the Cambodian woman story oh no there it is give me the fucking real one give me the real let me see a photo of this the faithful pup oh oh oh and they oh first it was an Asian guy. Yeah, it was an Asian story, so you're wrong.
No, no, no, I'm talking about there is a real live like United States thing that happened. I know, but it's not that movie.
It's not based on that movie. But I felt it.
Okay, it's fine, it's fine. So wait a minute.
This whole film was based on an Asian family and their dog and they fucking whitewashed this movie. They whitewashed it, yeah.
Another version of the fucking white devil. It's like Ghost in the Shell when they put fucking Scarlett Johansson.
Ghost in the Shell, right? Yeah, the Ghost in the Shell. You can name so many movies they've done.
Last goddamn Samurai. She was white.
Fucking motherfuckers. You can name so many.
Ghostbusters. Ghostbusters.
That was an Asian film.

They were all Asians.

Ghostbusters.

Ghostbusters.

There's something scary.

You don't know why.

Oh no, Shryma.

Everybody know.

Ghostbusters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Slimer.

Shryma. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH we gotta put a stop there.
I'm tired of it. It's disgusting.
Well, I mean, I told you about, you know, because I have a joke about it on stage, about they made a movie about Genghis Khan. Oh, yeah.
And John Wayne played him. I know.
I know. That picture we showed.
John Wayne played Genghis Khan in a fucking movie. You know who Genghis Khan is, don't you? Yeah.
Do you know who that is, Rudy? No. Look at that.
John Wayne is Genghis Khan. He was a Joe Stalin of China.
Look at that. Look at that.
Did you say he was a Joe Biden of China? No, Joe Stalin of China. Oh, I was like, what the fuck? He was a Joe Biden of Chinese people, man, back then.
He was a Kamala Harris of China. Zoom in on how insane that is.
This is insane. That's John Wayne.
Yeah. As an Asian guy.
That's what they used to do. By the way, doesn't look Asian even a little bit.
At all. Not at all.
That just looks like a guy who likes motorcycles. Yeah.
That's just a fucking gun. But imagine the calls that the Asian actors that auditioned with that part got when they found out who got it.
Who?

What?

Look at the guy to his right, how they gussied him up.

That is crazy shit.

Crazy, dude.

That's a white guy, too.

Yeah, that's a white guy.

Yeah, yeah.

They're all white.

Oh.

They used to do that.

Go to the IMDB page, and I want to see the cast, and let's see actually how many fucking Asian members are on the cast. Yeah, what called? The Conqueror yeah The Conqueror that's right okay 1956 1956 yep okay scroll down scroll down by the way the love interest also a white girl yeah stars here we go zoom in deep John Wayne Susan Hay pedro so latin dudes got it before agnes morehead thomas gomez as wang con he did a great job though yeah john hoyt william conrad ted de corsi so wait a minute this is anything it's oh there's a lee van cleef as could he be at the bottom richard lu the captain of it's like.
Oh, there's a Lee Van Cleef. Could he be? As Che Pe.
At the bottom. Richard Liu.
That's it. The captain of Wang's Guard.
Oh, yeah, background. Yeah, yeah.
That's the only Asian we found on the primary cast. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Holy. There's a billion Chinese.
And they can only find one. That's crazy.
There's a billion of these fucking people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they're like, we just don't know where to turn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just don't think we can cast any Asians in this. Yeah.
It's insane. Wow.
Richard Liu. Shout out to fucking Richard Liu.
You know what? Yeah. This episode we're dedicating to Richard Liu.
Richard Liu. Shout out to Richard Liu, born in one of your favorite places in Hawaii.
Died the year of our Lord, Andrew Santino's birth, 1983, here in Los Angeles. What else did Richard Liu do? I bet you have some more racist shit.
Yeah. The man with the golden gun, steel helmet, the quiet American, Purple Heart.
Let's see his names, though. This has always got to be.
Yeah, scroll down to his actor. Let's see the name of all.
It's always got to be. What if he did a movie called Emperor Hirohito and Steve Martin played Emperor Hive martin played and he's just a guardsman look at all of his names cam cam chong chen lee dr li pu chang chen kai shek yeah high fat tanaka ys chen yeah lin shu tai shen shi leo my favorite is when it's just like mark but yeah yeah jimmy mcgavin you something this is that's what's bullshit about it is that not like because he's born in Hawaii you know I mean so he's an American guy right yeah he's an American and imagine that's all he could get those are his thing chong chong yeah ping pong ping pong he's like, and that's once every five years, probably there's one part as a guardsman or some butler.
Well, even he looked, no, it was right there. Hawaii Five-0, stop.
Hawaii Five-0, 1968. Wong Two.
Yeah. Wong Two.
And you know those writers are doing that because they think that something's funny. You know what I mean? The writers are like, Wing Wang or Wang Chung.
Or they just take pots and pans and just throw it against the wall. Hey, in I Dream of Genie, he was just Wong.
Just Wong. Yeah.
Hey, can I be Wong too? No, just Wong. Well, here's a question.
Yeah. Do, does, do Korea make, remake American movies? No.
They don't? No, Korean does a lot of original stuff. We do original okay well you think the Korea is gonna make let me sit here I have an idea going with the way by the way I'm watching that in the theater yeah you know what it should be it should what's a Dead Cell movie? King Kong ain't got shit on me.
Training Day. Training Day Korean style would be so funny.
But they would set it. They would rewrite it, right? But they would never do a biopic, right? I don't think they would.
Because Seven Samurai, the movie Seven Samurai, America made it into Magnificent Seven, which is okay because they set Samurai into Cowboy. And the same storyline, but they switched the character.
That's one thing. That's cool.
You could do that, I guess. But if you're casting, you know what I mean, a white dude to play an Asian guy, that's where I have the problem.
It's just goofball shit. It's goofball.
Yeah. Especially a historic figure.
Not like, it's not like just a random dude. It's fucking Genghis Khan.
It's weird to play a big figure. And it's weird on all fronts.
But also, shout out one more time to our main guy. What was his name again here? Richard Liu.
You please memorize it. Richard Liu, Richard Liu, Richard Liu.
Shout out to Richard Liu. Rest in peace.
Thank you for coming to the cookout, by the way, and I'm appreciative of you guys bringing food. What is this again? This is potatoes and eggs.
Potatoes and eggs? Yes. That doesn't sound good.
I don't know right now. A pass? Wait.
And what is this? Is this homemade? Yes. Wait.
Who made this? I made it. You did? I got to try it.
Oh, it actually smells really good. You want to try one of these? Potatoes and eggs?

Really good.

This is really good.

It was warm for breakfast.

Oh, my God. I killed it.

Wait, what's this called?

Tortilla.

No, it's not a fucking tortilla.

Don't do that shit.

Spanish, not Mexican.

Rude.

That's rude.

That is rude.

We're calling Mexicans lazy because they don't do that with their tortilla.

Wait, this is called tortilla. Yeah.
Wow, this is good. Really good.
Thank you for being a bad friend. Give some to Doc and Rudy.
Thank you for being a bad friend. That's the way the pun's finger is in point.
It's at the government. That's what my finger's being pointed.
It's at the fucking government.

I never said that it was this color.

I'm saying that this is happening to us because of the system.

It's white people.

The most uneducated guy on earth.

The guy who knows literally nothing.

I know a lot.

The guy who knows literally nothing.

Yeah, I know about critical race theory and everything.

You know about critical race theory?

You're so fucking dumb.