Pregnancy Scare & Texas Lovin'

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Speaker 2 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. Deep in the heart of Texas.

Speaker 2 Do you know the whole song? Please don't shoot me.

Speaker 2 The stars shine.

Speaker 2 Deep in the heart of Texas.

Speaker 2 Bro, I'm telling you right now, that 50th anniversary comedy store. It was good to see you last night, by the way.
It was really fun.

Speaker 2 Well, he couldn't have been there.

Speaker 2 We were partying in the parking lot. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, like, he was there because I took a photo with him. So, you know.
Did you go? No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you were, dude. I took a photo with you last night, man.
You did? Let me see this photo, Bob.

Speaker 2 I was in there, man. I sure were.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 You're with Willie Tyler, doc.

Speaker 2 Look at that. Doc is there.
That was one time. That was a comedy store.
I was at the store, and I go, what's up, Willie Tyler? Hello, Doc. You didn't say anything.

Speaker 2 You said that look, you're that look, like that magical black look that you have. Why didn't you say anything to Bobby? You know Bobby so well.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why were you sitting on his lap? That was the weird part. I tell you something, Doc.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You came in here. Doc, the first thing he said when you guys weren't here, he goes, man, I got to lose some weight.
You know, I'm fat. This picture, you look so thin.
Yeah, overnight.

Speaker 2 What do you have?

Speaker 2 In and out loud. What happened last night?

Speaker 2 Man, it was good to see you last night, man. It was really a pleasure.

Speaker 2 Well, the reason I'm wearing my cowboy

Speaker 2 is because we're going to Texas this week, and I'm excited. We're going to be in Austin, and we're going to

Speaker 2 be in Dallas.

Speaker 2 Black Bart has a hat for that's a hat for Black Bart.

Speaker 2 A little hat for Black Bart.

Speaker 2 God damn, I love hats. And I got one for Doc Willis.
There we go. I'll show you.

Speaker 2 And I got a gun here. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 And Rudy Jules, looking at it. You got a little Jules.
What you doing around here, Red? You got a little Jules. Yeah, Red, what you doing around here? Does it shoot? Don't.
I don't think it's loaded.

Speaker 2 dude.

Speaker 2 But don't keep doing it. Don't try.

Speaker 2 And then look, Andre Hayes, he's got two black hats. Mao.
Mow. Mow.

Speaker 2 You're not going to be able to wear the headphones on the top of that. Yeah, yeah, no.
Well, I'm keeping my hat on. I like it.

Speaker 2 Why? You don't want to be black part?

Speaker 2 I like headphones, ma. All right, put on the headphones then.
Yeah. I think we look good in our cowboy hats.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, Rude.
Hi, too, Andrew. How's it going? I'm good.
You feel good?

Speaker 2 Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Rude's never been to Texas. You really? Wait, wait, what states have you been in in the United States?

Speaker 1 Just

Speaker 1 here.

Speaker 2 You're California. Only to California.

Speaker 2 Wait, really?

Speaker 2 You know, Hawaii is a part of the. Oh, yeah, Hawaii.
Oh, yeah. So you went to Hawaii here.
New York, never.

Speaker 1 Never. I don't want to go to New York.

Speaker 2 You went to Seattle. Let's take her to New York.
You went to Washington. Oh, yeah.
Wait a minute. You forget about our memories.
Wait a minute. Didn't you go to another place together?

Speaker 2 Did you go to Arizona with him?

Speaker 1 No. You've never been been there.

Speaker 2 That was just you and your brother? Yeah, yeah. So you've only been to Hawaii, Washington, California.
Let's name off the places that you want to go to because we can make it happen. Let's go.

Speaker 2 We can make it happen. Yeah.
You're going to go to Texas this week.

Speaker 1 What's something to do in Texas?

Speaker 2 Oh, got a lot. There's a lot to do.
There's a lot. You can rank.

Speaker 2 Can we go to this

Speaker 2 strip club? You want to go to a strip club? Yeah. Do you want to go? Should we go to a titty bar in Austin?

Speaker 2 Wait, why couldn't we go? We can take her to a booby bar. No, but it's a look at that.
We can go to Palazzo Gentleman's Club. Or, oh, the Bear Cabaret in Austin.
I heard that's a good one. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And look at the review for the Bear. Look at what it says.
Go up. Felt like a nightclub with a cool vibe rather than a strip club.

Speaker 2 I like cool vibes. I like cool vibes.
I love nightclubs, so that's cool. And then

Speaker 2 Ecstasy Cabaret Austin says, sucks to say it, but ecstasy is a slum bag strip joint now.

Speaker 2 That's the one I want to go. That's where we're going to shoot it.
Yeah, yeah. That's where we want to go.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, Texas was a place where I would purposely, back in the day when I was single, would would want to go to at least Dallas and Houston because I used to go to a place called Treasures.

Speaker 2 That's in Dallas, right? In Houston. Oh.
And there was a place in Dallas called Baby Dolls. Oh, baby dolls.
Oh, la la la. I love it.

Speaker 2 Are there little tiny dolls in the room all over the room? Yes, it's an American girl store.

Speaker 2 You know, I love American girls. There's baby dolls.
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Speaker 2 Dude, you know, that's the best part about strip clubs. People go just for the food.
Yeah, they're known to have the best buffets. Best buffets.
Roast beef.

Speaker 2 The roast beef during the day. Yep.
At a strip club. And ham.

Speaker 2 Big ham.

Speaker 2 Two big ham. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But why do you want to eat when there's like women?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Why do you want to eat when there's women? You're a woman. I eat.
We eat in front of you. Yeah, all the time.

Speaker 1 It's weird.

Speaker 2 Why is it weird? We've been to Jersey Mike's, they got the weird,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 Why would it be weird to eat at a strip club? Why do you think that's strange?

Speaker 1 Like being full and like...

Speaker 2 No, but what you eat. No, they, the girls can't eat.
No, you don't feed feed them. You don't feed them.
It's not a zoo. No, you don't.
It's not a petty zoo, like, throwing fucking meat at them.

Speaker 2 She thinks you, like, turn a turn a dial, a piece of chicken falls out, you just throw it at them? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The reason why you eat at a strip club, because did you know that a woman's vagina is like wine? It's like wine. Right.
So if you're having like a fish, right?

Speaker 2 It depends on what kind of vagina it is. Sometimes it's two fishes don't make a...
good meal. That's exactly right.
Right.

Speaker 2 So sometimes like you'll have a fish and you look at the vagina and it's like, it's got like a nutty,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean? A nutty,

Speaker 2 deep, nutty, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? I don't know. Explain.

Speaker 2 Explain more.

Speaker 2 Explain. No, it's got an oaky.
Oaky. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Nutty. Nutty, oaky.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 How are the tannins? The tannins are beautiful. They're nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, sometimes you use cheese.
Sometimes they have the cheese. A lot of cheese.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of cheese.
Well, we're going to take you to your strip club.

Speaker 2 Not drinking today, huh, Doc?

Speaker 2 Well, you know,

Speaker 2 I'll tell you. Yeah, tell me.
You know, you just got to rehab, right? So I was saying to myself,

Speaker 2 always be mindful. I just felt like, fuck it, like I was putting pressure on you coming in and drinking.
That's why he was getting on me.

Speaker 2 Drink wasn't his big problem. It was dick.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was there drunk on dick. Your dick? I had a problem with it.
So it didn't bother you at all when I was drinking? No, do you have some in your bag? You're goddamn right.

Speaker 2 You gotta fuck with me. I didn't care about you, though.
That's right. It doesn't bother me.
If you were smoking weed in here, it'd be blue weed. Very weird.
Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, but drink up.

Speaker 2 Pour up, dog. I just wanted to get some validation.

Speaker 2 All right, so I need to tell Bobby this while you get your flask on.

Speaker 2 I get a text message this morning. Yeah.
I want to read it to you. Tell me this doesn't sound a little distressed.
Okay? From who? From this, from Black Magic. Did you tape that shit?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, Doug, Doug. The text message you sent me there.
Here, listen to this. He goes, hey, Tino.
Are you available to talk anytime soon?

Speaker 2 Because I need to tell you something very, very, too varies. Yeah, important.
I'm at work, lunch break right now until 11:30. Then I'm back at work at 3.30.

Speaker 2 When you hear, very, I need to talk to you something very, very important. Was that yesterday or today? This morning.
So immediately my brain goes to, is Doc okay? Did something happen?

Speaker 2 Right? Tell him what you told me. I call him immediately.
I go, Doc, are you all right? First things out of my mouth. Doc, are you okay? What'd you say?

Speaker 2 I told him, well, look, man, I had, was telling him that they, I read some UFO shit. So, you know,

Speaker 2 he's on some UFO shit. He just sent me this.
Yes, that's it. He sent me this.
yesterday.

Speaker 2 What does it say? And it says, you might be an alien, baby Bobby. Oh, that's it?

Speaker 2 No, and then you go, which is fucking rude. Don't ever call me Baby Bobby again.
Fool.

Speaker 2 Hey. Yeah, yeah.
Baby Bobby, new nickname. Baby Bobby Bobby.
Baby Bobby.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 UFOs left radiation burns and unaccounted

Speaker 2 unaccounted for pregnancies. New Pentagon report claims.
Yeah. The Pentagon report claim.

Speaker 2 We'll show the article. You and my brother should get together.
Yeah. Dude, he, he, he, he called, he's at work on his fucking lunch break

Speaker 2 about these articles. You're panicked? Panicked?

Speaker 2 Because I was going on and I was trying to see what the news, different news signers were talking about, right? Yeah. So I went on YouTube.
And then, so. I knew there's a war in Ukraine.

Speaker 2 I mean, there are other things you can. Anyway, okay.

Speaker 2 There's a war here on Earth, Bobby. Yeah.
It's fucking about to go down. Hey, looking like, hey, man, hold up.
Something is popping off.

Speaker 2 So when I watched the news clippings, they didn't mention the pregnancies. And I go, what? But they mentioned the

Speaker 2 radiation burns. And all of that.
One of the two was mentioned.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So I said, what the fuck? Yeah.
So I go in and under the comments, somebody asked, where can you get the paperwork? So I was like, oh, fuck. Let me show them where they can get the paperwork.

Speaker 2 So the website to the Defense Intelligence is. He goes on DIA.
He goes on the Defense Intelligence Agency website. I do it too.
That's right. And I copy-paste it and I put it under the comments.

Speaker 2 So I say, okay, I'm waiting for somebody to respond. And this guy deletes it.
This is on a what? You posted this on Facebook? On YouTube. On YouTube.
This is on YouTube.

Speaker 2 on youtube yep under the fox san francisco station that's where they showed it right so they said

Speaker 2 honestly

Speaker 2 all my news for real hit all my news no

Speaker 2 man this is the article

Speaker 2 so this guy sees the article about the pregnancy but the but the pregnancies the unaccountable pregnancies yeah they disappear from the defense intelligence agency's website it's gone okay we have this link look this was the link for the dia yeah you scroll down it used to say it right at the bottom.

Speaker 2 Okay. Right there.
I have a theory. And wait, time out, though.
Okay, go ahead. And I said, well, to him, I go, that's crazy, doc.

Speaker 2 Are you okay?

Speaker 2 Honestly, I was like, are you okay? Because he called me. He's at work.
I'm thinking he's on spice. Like, he's freaking out at work about aliens.
Right. I'm like, he's smoking something.

Speaker 2 Oh, so the initial text was, I have something very, very important. Very, very important.
Very, very. Two varies.
Well, because he wants to talk about it on a thing, so I didn't want to get people.

Speaker 2 But that text reads like, hey, man, something happened.

Speaker 2 Doesn't it? Personally. If I said, Rudy, something's very, very important.
I see what you're saying. What's going on? Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Very, very important is this. Okay.

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 have cancer. That's very, very important.
Very, very. Right.
Yeah. Very important is I got in a car accident.

Speaker 1 Or you killed someone. Or you killed somebody.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, three varies.
Is that three varies? Or two various? That's two variants. Yeah.
That's two varies. That's three varies.

Speaker 2 I have very, very, very. Andres,

Speaker 2 he texted me. Something's very, very, very important.
I know he's dismembered someone. He needs me to hide the bodies.

Speaker 2 Right. Yeah, killing someone is fine, but dismembering, that's very, very, very important.
Yeah. Okay.
So that's the very, very important. So that's number one.
That's it, you know.

Speaker 2 So don't do that again. Don't do that again.
Hey, doc. Hey, I didn't know I worried you.
My bad, but I was scared in the moment. You worried me because you were also in a panic on the phone call.

Speaker 2 Dude, I wish I recorded the phone call. He was, he was, he was like, nah, Tino, and they hiding it from us.
I don't know what they'd be hiding, but man, it came down on the website.

Speaker 2 And I was like, Doc, who's hiding what from you? He's like, the pregnancies, Tino, are gone.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Give me a theory?

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, I think he's fucking out of his mind.

Speaker 2 Number one, you're out of your mind. Number one, you're out of your mind.
Man, don't do this. You know what you are? You're very, very, very out of your mind.

Speaker 2 DIA says, sorry, no social results are pregnant. No, no, do it.

Speaker 2 Listen, here's a theory. All right.

Speaker 2 I'm working for the government, right? For that website, right? I bring my cousin Larry because he's in town, right? Cousin Larry, you know, he just happens to be another magic black. Okay.

Speaker 2 A black magic guy.

Speaker 2 He drinks the wine. Right.

Speaker 2 Right. I go to the bathroom.
My crazy cousin Larry, right, is on the website. Check this out, right?

Speaker 2 They get pregnant too, man. You know what I mean? That's what Orientals are, or whatever it is, right? Yep, yeah.
Right. He comes back and goes, what the fuck? What the fuck? Right.

Speaker 2 Meanwhile, Fox is fucking doing the article now. They read it.
He deletes it. That's why you see that.
That's what happened. That could be one theory.
Give me another theory.

Speaker 2 I think another theory could could have been

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 you yourself are now being tracked and honed by the government. And your phone is now the most tapped phone in this room.
Bobby's been tapped a bunch.

Speaker 2 I got tapped. And you know, old

Speaker 2 got tapped a few times.

Speaker 2 Here's another theory I have, okay?

Speaker 2 And I've been suspecting this for a very long time. And this is true, dude.
All right.

Speaker 2 You could be, like, for me, you could be an alien. When I'm going very, I know.
You could be an alien. When I'm bringing it to other other people's attention, right?

Speaker 2 I'm trying to hide it from, you know what I mean? Yeah. But you're just, it's like a switch and bait.
It's a VF bait and switch.

Speaker 2 Yeah, switch and bait, bait and switch. Whatever it is.
And it works both. It works both.
It's a bait.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you something? When I talk about you, when I say, you know, Doc is on the show, and they'll go, oh, the alien.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you push it. And I say,

Speaker 2 I say, you talk about fancy. And they go, no, fancy is a citizen now.
No longer an alien. So look, they're black people and aliens.
Because here's the reason why.

Speaker 2 Go to the first one. Now, listen.

Speaker 2 Don't look shit like me. You put glasses on that thing.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know the body.
That looks pretty close. I know.

Speaker 2 Look at that. Doc, I don't know, Doc.

Speaker 2 I bet you, money, that guy is a gay uncle.

Speaker 2 All right. I bet you.
The third one looked like you a little bit, Bobby. Okay.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you something? Fahey Manoir.

Speaker 2 More Fihi Manoir than me, all right? All right, so.

Speaker 2 yeah. And who does that look like?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 That's a little bit. He looks like a fighter and the kid fan.

Speaker 2 Right? He likes the king of the sink.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's big in the king of the sink.

Speaker 2 He's got a shot fucking tattoo on his ankle. I got to tell you something.

Speaker 2 I think you might be misleading us. Yeah.
You're projecting because you have something to do with all this bullshit.

Speaker 2 Man, I'm just a guy out here trying to live and find this shit out. That's what a fucking alien is.

Speaker 2 That's a fucking alien.

Speaker 2 It It sounds like a pre-recorded message. Let's listen to him closely say a sentence to us, knock you a sentence, and let's see if it sounds like a human or an alien is saying it.
Right.

Speaker 2 Say, oh, I've got to go to the bank today and make a couple of deposits. Then I got to go to the store.
Or I got to go to the bank today.

Speaker 2 See, he's done a stand. That was Rodillian.

Speaker 2 That was Rodillian, dude. That was Rotillion Talk.
Fucking flopping it up. Holy shit.

Speaker 2 You're a fucking idiot. Hey, dog.
I just heard you.

Speaker 2 Dude. Yeah.
I have to win up. I'm not going to fuck with you.

Speaker 2 Did you see his eyes flip? Did you see that? Did you guys see his eyes flip up in his head?

Speaker 2 Double eyelids.

Speaker 2 He fucking sent me up.

Speaker 2 He's going. You see, he threw like

Speaker 2 a bunch of people. Let's give this alien.
Let's give it Alien one more chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, let's give a new sentence. Give him a new sentence.

Speaker 2 Some people are asymptomatic from COVID and yet they

Speaker 2 don't get tested. Some people are asymptomatic with COVID and they don't get tested.

Speaker 2 Joe is a man coming off.

Speaker 2 At the end, yeah.

Speaker 2 Very good. Very good.

Speaker 2 I'm just telling you, I feel. Do you feel like he has an alien presence at all?

Speaker 1 When he said the first sentence,

Speaker 1 he did something with his mouth.

Speaker 2 Lizard. Lizard like.
He's a lizard. He's a lizard person.
Yeah. Because lizard people are real.

Speaker 2 You know about lizard people, don't you? Yeah. Our government is entirely made up of lizard people, without a doubt.

Speaker 2 Who do you think is the only person that's famous in government that's not a lizard who is or isn't who is not because i think they're all lizards is there anybody no i yeah no no there are people that aren't i don't think sally fields is she's not in government not in government

Speaker 2 i'm sorry about our government hollywood yeah that's

Speaker 2 my bad my bad which hollywack actors are lizards that that's yeah i don't know because you know why it says sally field i'm just coming trying to think i'll tell you who's not huh government wait government or hollywood either or let's go government okay let's go uh is barack obama a lizard

Speaker 2 he is. Yeah, definitely.
Is Trump? No. He's not a lizard person.
Yeah, because he doesn't know much. He's too human.
Yeah, he's too human. He doesn't know anything.
Is Hillary Clinton?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Is Bill?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Look at him.
He's a funky lizard. He doesn't even hide it anymore.
He's one of those lizards that can change colors when he goes into a new area.

Speaker 2 Yeah, his skin keeps changing. And lizards love to play the saxophone.
Love.

Speaker 2 But why a lizard?

Speaker 2 Because there's certain.

Speaker 2 That's an alien life form that came down and inhabited inhabited our bodies. There is a planet of lizards,

Speaker 2 of lizard people. And look at this, there's Brock.
They call it shapeshifters. Yeah, shapeshifters.
Yeah. And they can occupy bodies.
There's like an arachnid, arachnid kind of an alien species.

Speaker 2 There's the big, the big whites, whatever. Tall whites.
The tall whites that we were talking about. Tall whites, little grays.
No, let me ask you something. Shoot.
And then. Let me ask you something.

Speaker 2 Do you, can you be completely honest with me, Doc? Yeah, fuck yeah, shoot. Shoot.

Speaker 2 Do you really believe in it? Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 So you believe that there are... You believe that Hillary Clinton is a lizard person.
Oh, no, no, I don't believe that. But you believe that aliens.
I like collecting information. That's all I want.

Speaker 2 You believe that aliens.

Speaker 2 You're going to fit right in in Texas. Yeah.
You believe that aliens impregnated people on this planet. Oh, I don't know about that.
You don't believe it? Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 2 if they're saying that it is possible, yeah. Let me ask you this.
Do aliens have penises? Could. And what do they look like?

Speaker 2 What do they look like? I think some of them look like us. You think their penises are like ours? Yep, just regular old cocks.
Really? So you think the lizard guy has just like a white regular cookie?

Speaker 2 Dog, everybody got a dick, a turtle, a fucking dude. You don't think they'd be more similar to a lizard's dick than?

Speaker 2 They got dicks. Whatever it looks like, they got dicks.

Speaker 1 Maybe aliens have two or three.

Speaker 2 Yep. They may have multiple dicks.
She's watching too much anime. You know what I like? I think that's what she is.
The Vronka. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
How many dicks are you?

Speaker 2 Maybe they're like octopuses. They have dicks on every arm.
You know what I mean? So they fuck me every night so I could be.

Speaker 2 She's like, they hug me and fuck me while they're hugging me and rubbing my hair. Yeah.
How many dicks do you think aliens have Rudy?

Speaker 2 Maybe three. Three.
You think three is the lucky number? What are they? Are they for different things?

Speaker 2 It's like one for sex, one's for peeing, and one's for beer. Maybe.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Yeah, you drink from your penis.
Yeah, yeah. Oh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 2 Honestly, Jules, if you saw a cute alien, he's your age, right? He's got hairy styles, but he also looks like a, you know, a chameleon. Yeah.
Like an awful lot of stuff.

Speaker 2 He's got some scaly things on his side.

Speaker 2 His nose might be up a little bit. Yeah.
There might just be two holes as noses, like a snake or whatever.

Speaker 2 But he's got a beautiful hairy. You know, he's like, I'm my dick.
I like Harry Styles or whatever.

Speaker 1 Is he smelly?

Speaker 2 Well, he has Drakar on. Yeah, Dracar Noir.
Yeah, and cool water.

Speaker 2 He mixes them. You probably still fucking use those so much.

Speaker 2 Which one do you have? Which one do you have? I got Fahrenheit, Drakar.

Speaker 2 Fuck around, man. Do you even know what these are? These colognes? She has no idea.
Drakar Noir might be the most. Fahrenheit, by the way.

Speaker 2 Fahrenheit is. Is a little later than Drokar.
But it was only for black people. I don't even think white people could buy it.

Speaker 2 I don't know white people could buy it. I think I tried one time and they told me no.

Speaker 2 I beeped it out. It's like Newport cigarettes.
It's like only for black people. You can't buy it.

Speaker 2 Hennessy. I can't buy Hennessy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They give you a look every time you try to buy it.
Yeah, yeah. There's Fahrenheit.
That's what Doc adorns his body. Fahrenheit by Dior.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's sexy, dude. But Drakar,

Speaker 2 Jules, was like the first.

Speaker 2 When I was in high school, and also Cool Water, Cool Water was

Speaker 2 David Off.

Speaker 2 Were the like the first

Speaker 2 colognes that I bought. Like they were like.
There it is. Drakar Noir, all the way to the right, the black one.
Yeah, the black one. Drakar Noir.

Speaker 2 And then Cool Water. Check that out.
Should we buy this?

Speaker 2 Let's get a Dracar. Let's get a Dracar for it.
And let's get a Cool Water. Look up Cool Water.
Do you work perfume, Rudy? Yeah. What do you wear?

Speaker 1 The DKNY. There it is.

Speaker 2 DKNY.

Speaker 2 There it is. Wow.
Is it expensive, man? No chance.

Speaker 2 13. You can get that in CVS.
No, no, that's photo. Regular.

Speaker 2 Go up, go up.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's photo. That's like a good expensive.
That's even cheaper. That's when he turned it real hard.

Speaker 2 You can get that at CVS, but they don't even lock that one up. You know how some cologne they lock up? Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that one is just like, oh, just freeze.

Speaker 2 It's at when the checkout with like candy and gum.

Speaker 2 Liquid IV. Oh, gee golly, gee.
I love liquid IV, man. Good golly gosh, do I love liquid IV? And let me tell you why.

Speaker 2 One stick of liquid IV hydration multiplier in 16 ounces of water hydrates you two times faster and more efficiently than water alone. When you push your body too hard, I do.
I know you do.

Speaker 2 Or just feel run down. I'm always run down.

Speaker 2 It's extremely important to stay hydrated. Making hydration a priority helps us feel better on a day-to-day basis.

Speaker 2 One stick of liquid IV hydration multiplier in six ounces of water hydrates you two times faster and more efficiently than water alone. That's amazing.
I love it.

Speaker 2 That sounds like I said that, but that sounds, I love that. Liquid IV hydration is important.
That's why I had to reiterate. Well, it is very very important.
And let me tell you something else.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you something else.

Speaker 2 Water is boring. We all know it.
I hate it. And let me tell you, they have flavors like watermelon, lemon, lime, strawberry, pina colada, which happened to be my new favorite that they've sent me.

Speaker 2 And I love putting this stuff in my water bottle. And guess what's in it? What? It contains five essential vitamins.
D3. Okay, that's one.
D3. D5, B6, B12, and vitamin C.
You know, I love vitamin C.

Speaker 2 I love the C. That song graduation was so good.

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Speaker 2 Better health. Oh, I love this.
People don't realize, Bob, that physical symptoms like headaches, teeth grinding, and even digestive issues, which I have often.

Speaker 2 You know, one time I didn't poop for three days. That's an indicator of stress.
Okay. It's because of stress, dude.
But, you know, it helps. BetterHelp.
It does.

Speaker 2 You know, for me, especially during the pandemic, right? I needed somebody to talk to a professional. I went to BetterHelp, and I love it.

Speaker 2 Stress shows up in all kinds of ways, Andrew. It does.

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Speaker 2 Yeah, it's much more affordable than in-person therapy. Give it a try.
See if online therapy can help your stress. And this podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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I like that. You know what?

Speaker 2 I saw one of those things today. You know when someone does that,

Speaker 2 you never knew this on the internet. Like,

Speaker 2 I was this days old when I learned, blah, blah, blah. They did this thing where they popped a bag of popcorn.
And you know how there's a little slit at the top that opens up?

Speaker 2 And she goes, don't empty out the popcorn when the bag is full. Flip it upside down.
That's for all the seeds to come out. So then you don't have seeds in the bag anymore.
Oh,

Speaker 2 they're called life hacks. Life hacks.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're life hacks. But also, I like the fucking seeds because I eat the half-pops.
Don't you eat the half-pops? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't eat the half-pop popcorn?

Speaker 2 popcorn no you eat it i love popcorn they're so good like it's like it's like burnt rice i love burnt rice i love burnt rice yeah yeah i do too when it's crispy when i get bim bim bap bimb bim bop i make sure they

Speaker 2 on the bottom so the bottom layer is like a stone pot right and then when you i when it comes the bim bim up comes i don't even with it right away brah let it sit i let it sit dog let it sit right and then once i know that it's sizzly and fucking crisp right i go to the bottom and i i'll scoop up the bottom and put it up to the top flip it over and so all the crispiness is in there there.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. I want some thin nothing right now.

Speaker 2 You guys don't need to have pop-ups. He's never had Korean fruit.
You know that. How the fuck have you? We never have to.
We have to take

Speaker 2 it. Yeah.
Yeah. He had wasabi.
He had wasabi.

Speaker 2 That's right. I remember.
That's right.

Speaker 2 But the other life hack that blew my fucking mind that annoys me. I wish we had it here to show you.
Yeah. On the bottom of salt and pepper shakers, okay?

Speaker 2 Every salt and pepper shaker you know, the standard round ones, they're rivets. There's a ton of rivets on the bottom.
What do you think the rivets on the bottom are for?

Speaker 2 And the whole bottom is ribbed. It's riveted.
What do you think it's for?

Speaker 2 Guess.

Speaker 2 This is going to blow your mind. When people at home are going to listen to this, they're going to try it.
I don't know what's for. Okay.
So usually you just flip it over and shake it out.

Speaker 2 If you flip one of them over, but leave the other one right side up and make them go bottom to bottom, you rub the rivets together and it evenly shakes out the salt or the pepper.

Speaker 2 That's literally what it's for.

Speaker 2 What? Who cares?

Speaker 2 Why would you care?

Speaker 2 I just learned it. I know, but imagine doing that.
rest. I'm not doing that out of rest.
No, you just flip one upside down and you're not flipping shit.

Speaker 2 It's like your grinder.

Speaker 2 It's like one of your grinders. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Except it's just you do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I will do that ever. You will never flip one upside down and do it? No, because I don't, first of all, never use salt and pepper in any of my food.
Do you? You don't use salt in your food?

Speaker 2 Korean food has so much salt in it. Yeah, they put it in there initially first.
I like adding it. I want to add salt.

Speaker 2 I add salt. Yeah, but I don't fuck with it.
What about when you? you go to Denny's? What? When you go to Denny's. He doesn't go to fucking Denny's.
You think I go to Denny's?

Speaker 2 He won't go to places like that. Where do you go to Denny's? When do you go to Denny's? Today's.
Whenever I can. Shit.
If it's available, I'm there.

Speaker 2 So let me stop this.

Speaker 2 Let me stop this, okay? All right.

Speaker 2 Denny's is the place where you go when everything else is closed. That's right.
That or 24 or I hop. Right.

Speaker 2 Those are late night. Like when you're on the road, it's two in the morning after your second show.
And they're like, we're going to go to the next one. And they're like Waffle House or Denny's.

Speaker 2 Those are the the only options i go but i would never go during the day now you're being diminutive what if this is his favorite meal it's not the moons over miami is the best thing the moons over miami is really good it's very very good i fox with that what yeah that's that's a good lunch right there

Speaker 2 lunch bro yeah you never got it for lunch no oh that's right it's only when i'm like drunk or late at night or there's everything's closed i've never had denny's sober Yeah, well, yeah.

Speaker 2 Or I've never had it.

Speaker 2 I'm conscious. Yeah.
Awake, alive.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I've zombied my way into a Denny's and slopped it in my face.
I've hit my head on cement and then gone in there right accidentally. But is this a Morton's or whatever?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? My eye from the concussion was just wandering around the world.

Speaker 2 You blowing my mind, though. You from Chicago, never?

Speaker 2 No. But what does that mean? What if Chicago? They're everywhere.
Yeah, I know what I'm saying. But it's like there's like 6,000.
There's a regional thing. I'm like, that's a midwestern.

Speaker 2 Chicago and L.A. That's all they're doing.
But Midwesterners, we fucks with Denny's like. Yeah, but in the Midwest, dude, we have so many mom and pop shops that are open late.

Speaker 2 There's so many shitty little diners that are open late. I I love those, by the way.
They're shitty little diners. Yeah, I would rather go there.
You want a good breakfast, bro?

Speaker 2 Griddle. Lucky boy.
Lucky boy. Right? In Pasadena.
Lucky boy. You go there, dude.
You get a breakfast burrito with bacon. You get

Speaker 2 a little sided ranch and some hot sauce with it.

Speaker 2 There's nothing better. Is that your favorite breakfast burrito?

Speaker 2 There's one also in Burbank, but you never know when it's open. It's called the Corner Cottage.
I know Corner Cottage, yeah. You have you in there? Yeah.
Great breakfast burrito. No, No, it is.

Speaker 2 I think the best breakfast burrito is uh um Colfax. Colfax, yeah, best, the best.

Speaker 2 It's the best. Those are the top three.
Yeah, that's way up there. Yeah, yeah.
You don't eat breakfast. You don't fuck with any of those.
Well, yeah. Well, the one I fuck with is Bonito's tacos.

Speaker 2 Bonito's tacos? Hell yeah. On Pico?

Speaker 2 No, well, they got one on Pico and they got one on Beverly. Do you know those commercials? Oh, it's made me angry.
Why?

Speaker 2 Because it's like, is it good?

Speaker 2 Let's be honest with you.

Speaker 2 I'm not talking to this guy. He thinks Denny's is a fucking maestros.
Here you go. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, it's good. Yeah.
No, I'm going to tell y'all something. Yeah.
Because he's going to be pissed off. He's got Bonito's ground up in that caress.
That's not even lying.

Speaker 2 That's just blended Bonito's tacos. Danny Lucas is going to be pissed off at y'all because he's the one who recommended it to me.
Danny Lucas did? Yeah. Yeah.
So he's going to be mad at us? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. That's where I go to all my restaurant recommendations.

Speaker 2 By the way, last night at the comedy store. Can we talk about it a little bit? Yeah, I want to talk about this.
Yeah. They told me that,

Speaker 2 why can't I think of his fucking name now? The guy that used to own the Thai place on Santa Monica and West Hollywood. Oh,

Speaker 2 Kirk. Kirk.
No, no. Yeah.
Oh, it was Kirk. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm glad you brought his name up. Okay.
Because he said something to me last night that triggered me so hard, I almost went insane. What?

Speaker 2 So, let's just a little backstory, all right? Do you remember Kirk? Kirk Fox? No, the Chinese manager used, is that his name? The Chinese manager that we had in the late 90s. You know,

Speaker 2 the conversation wasn't doing well. So

Speaker 2 Mitzi decided, I'm bringing back, you know what I mean, my Thai contingency, right? So in the fucking 70s, I guess a bunch of Thai people worked there. And apparently the whole kitchen was all Thai.

Speaker 2 They were all Thai, right? So this dude, right?

Speaker 2 I guess he was in the military or something.

Speaker 2 If you're a minute late, you're fired. You know what I mean? I mean, this is a comedy club, right?

Speaker 2 You know, you're you're supposed to stand right there. I told you what to stand right there.
You know what I mean? Like, he's like that kind of guy, right?

Speaker 2 But this is what this fool, what this fool used to do is I used to not get spots. Yeah.
So because I kind of played my Asian angle, like, come on, man, we're both, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So then what he would do is he would just walk up to me as a doorman, he would go, you want to go up tonight?

Speaker 2 And I'd be like, yeah,

Speaker 2 you get prime spot. And he would just put me up.
In a good spot. Yeah, in a good slot.
Yeah, there's nothing on the list or anything like that. That's good.
He used to piss people off.

Speaker 2 So I haven't seen this fool in 25 years, right? Yeah. So I'm at the fucking party last night.
I'm about to leave. And I see him.
And he's kind of swaggering toward me. He goes, hey, I remember you.

Speaker 2 And I go, oh, what's up? He goes.

Speaker 2 How come everybody here, billionaire, millionaire, everybody killing, you know, doing very good? You loser.

Speaker 2 I go, what do you mean? He goes, you got nothing. Because I was dressed the way I was.
Yeah, he thinks you're poor because you're not. I'm poor because the way I was dressed, right?

Speaker 2 You got nothing ever ever happened to you.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And like a fucking asshole, I got, that's one of my triggers, right? Oh, yeah. And I go,

Speaker 2 is that why I have this house and this car I just bought? You know what I mean? Like, I'm like,

Speaker 2 like a fucking moron trying to convince him that you have a house.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm trying to like fucking convince him, but it really triggered me. The problem is, Bob, everybody wore suits.
I know. And you wore fucking street, a Metallica shirt.

Speaker 2 Everybody wore suits. Dude, everyone was dressed up.
I was wearing a dress shirt and dress slacks because a jacket was insane. It was too hot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This guy showed up wearing what you saw in that picture with Little Black Magic. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's, oh, this is. Oh, yeah, that's, there I am with me and Sickler.

Speaker 2 Dude, love that guy. Really funny.
The man. Great guy.
There's Matt Lockwood. Look at Matt having a night.
Yeah, it was a good night. Look at Matt having a little night.
So

Speaker 2 I'll just tell you what the party was, right?

Speaker 2 When I showed up, I'm like, I realized right off the bat that this is going to be a cluster fuck because you have, you know, the guys that normally play there now. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like the Jazzelnacks, the Leslie Jones, right? But then you also have everyone from the past. Oh, yeah.
Right. And a lot of people.
And I mean the past. Yeah, the past.
Like, he's still alive.

Speaker 2 There were guys

Speaker 2 that had the walking with a bag, you know, like the drip, like the dude.

Speaker 2 They were walking through the hallway. It was so fucking weird to see guys so old.
Right.

Speaker 2 So there was a lot of like, and there was a lot of like, we can't go down that way because I cannot run into that guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, but then there were other people looking at me like, you know what I mean? I can't run into him, right? So it's just a bunch of people avoiding each other, right?

Speaker 2 And it's like a lot of thirst. You can feel a lot of thirst.

Speaker 2 And I did make fun of there was a lot of agents and managers who snuck around. And that's fine.
But also,

Speaker 2 this is our night. It's for comics.

Speaker 2 It's like, this is our little jazz and that little get together. And they had

Speaker 2 Mitzi's favorite band, Buddy Rich, iconic. And when I first arrived there,

Speaker 2 Tom Dreessen, who was a legend. Legend.
You know Tom, don't you? I know Tom. Tom comes up to me and he goes, You got to go inside and see the Buddy Rich.

Speaker 2 Is that good? Good impression. He goes,

Speaker 2 Good impression. He goes, Oh, Andrew,

Speaker 2 you got to go inside and see the Buddy Rich band.

Speaker 2 And I said, Oh, the Buddy Rich Band is in there. And I go, Who is it? And he goes, It's all the remaining members,

Speaker 2 all the band. So look, it's like the 10 remaining members were there.
And he goes, He toured. This is a great.
I mean, fucking Tom Dreessen.

Speaker 2 If you are a comedy fan, buy his fucking book and read about his stories of him and Sinatra. It's insane.
He was a kid when he toured with Sinatra. Him, Sinatra, and Buddy Rich.

Speaker 2 And Buddy Rich hated that it went buddy,

Speaker 2 Dreeson, Sinatra. And so he goes, Why the fuck is the kid? Why the fuck does the kid get to go before you? It should go the kid, me, then you.
Oh, wow. And in front of him, right in front of him.

Speaker 2 Tom's sitting there. And Tom's like uncomfortable and he's young.
And he goes, well, I'll go, you know, wherever. And Frank goes, no, no, no, no.
You can't do, you can't do comedy, music, music.

Speaker 2 It's got to go music, comedy, music. It's got to break it up.
It's insane. So he, so apparently, he hated him.
He didn't like him. Or not hate him, but he had a trouble with Tom.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he goes, he had a lot of trouble with a lot of people.

Speaker 2 He was, apparently, this guy, and I don't know the name, it's like an old lounge act or something, used to call Buddy's house often and would go, hey, is

Speaker 2 Buddy there? And his wife would answer and go, No, and I'm sorry to tell you this, but Buddy's dead. And he would go, no, I know.
I just like to hear you you say it. And then hang up the phone.

Speaker 2 That's okay.

Speaker 2 And Tom goes, this guy would do this all the time. Yeah.
Because he fucking hated the guy.

Speaker 2 He just wanted to hear his wife say that. That is

Speaker 2 really funny. But the band played last night and they were fucking awesome.

Speaker 2 Don't give me shit, dude. This is what happened.
What do you mean? Peter Shore, this is what happened. Peter Shore goes up, does that speech.
Yeah, they do a little speech.

Speaker 2 Then the mayor comes out or whatever. The mayor of comedy? What was that? Who was that? I don't know, but I didn't hear a word.
I didn't hear a word. People were booing.

Speaker 2 You can't have a room full of comics not talking shit when someone's trying to talk. It was impossible.

Speaker 2 And as soon as Peter goes, and the buddy reached bed, everyone just stood up and left the fucking room. I stayed.
How long? Five seconds.

Speaker 2 No one stayed for that. I wanted to hear a little bit of the jazz.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a little bit of the jazz.
Yeah. But they were doing good.
But you know who?

Speaker 2 Who did you see last night that made you feel good? Matt Nost. Shout out to Matt Nost.
I haven't seen him in a long time. Dude, I haven't seen him in fucking years.

Speaker 2 And we sat and we chatted, and that dude was such a good guy, a good egg, a funny comedian. Yeah.
I saw him and we chatted outside for like

Speaker 2 for 20 minutes. Dude, he is.
But honestly,

Speaker 2 a lot of funny guys we come across. Not a lot of like solid dudes.
I know if I called him and if I was like, hey, man, I'm in a bad way, he would help me out. We don't even talk anymore.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I was seeing. But older guys, though.
Oh, older.

Speaker 2 Steve Middleman. Yeah, Middleman was there.
Yeah, it was kind of wild. You know him? Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, I don't know him.
I know who he is. Do you know who he is?

Speaker 2 Do Do you ever see the movie Roxanne? Yeah, Roxanne. Yeah.
You do? Steve Martin. I've seen him before.
Yeah, he was in the movie. You've seen this guy.
You've seen him a million times. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When I saw him, I gave him, and when I literally, I'm not kidding you, I hugged him and I, and my

Speaker 2 ear was against his chest because he's tall. His bones broke? No, they had that, and I didn't hear a heartbeat.

Speaker 2 I literally heard no heartbeat.

Speaker 2 This is what I heard.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what, though. Last night, I pulled up and we parked behind the Andes Hotel.
Yeah. And Paulie from the balcony sees me.
I'm talking to Sandy Danto

Speaker 2 and Josh Martin and Brenton. Brenton.
Yeah. And I'm talking to these guys.
Biddlecombe. Yeah, Biddlecombe.
Yeah. I'm just

Speaker 2 mouthed with diarrhea. And then Paulie's standing on his balcony and he goes, who is that?

Speaker 2 Who else looks like me?

Speaker 2 Who the fuck else looks like me? Yeah, yeah. I go,

Speaker 2 it's Santino. And he goes, I know.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah, I know. He's a weird.
I didn't get it. I was like, is there a bit to be had here? Yeah.
So then I go, hey, Polly. And he goes, cool.
And I pull my car in.

Speaker 2 And then I waited because they were all walking down because I didn't want to walk with them. So I waited my car for like six minutes.
Yeah. Because I was uncomfortable.
I was like, what was that?

Speaker 2 But there was also

Speaker 2 a David Lynch element to it last night. Because you'd just be talking to somebody else and you see Tanya Lee Davis in her little moped.

Speaker 2 She loves us. Yeah, and she's speaking backwards.

Speaker 2 It's just weird. What a weird night.
It was a creepy. Dave is very funny, by the way.
But it was a weird, fun.

Speaker 2 It's if you spin a record. Yeah, well, that's you love it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was weird.
Why didn't you go? You worked there forever. Hey, I ain't feel like it.
I don't like that.

Speaker 2 You know why? He has so much resentment to that place.

Speaker 2 Not the place.

Speaker 2 I love the comics and everybody. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 You would have been a hit there, dude.

Speaker 2 Well, to be honest with y'all, they invited me. Bob Willie even contacted me like, man, why you won't come?

Speaker 2 come i'm like nah i'm not coming wait why didn't you go for real yeah be real because it's after what happened with peter and pauley there with me for me i was like nah i can't deal with them but it's fine now and they were barely there no no no no it's it's it's more than that it's too long to talk about so let's just go well we have a whole podcast yeah yeah

Speaker 2 but you know the whole it's like the whole like

Speaker 2 like that let like when the shooting happened right yeah remember when that went down i was there i was there that night you was there on the patio i wasn't i wasn't near the shooter i was at the club that night that that guy got shot.

Speaker 2 Fuck. I was like, okay.
Were you not there? I wasn't there that night. And I had left.
No, I was there that night. I wasn't anywhere near it.
I was inside the fucking patient. Did you see the body?

Speaker 2 No, I wasn't there. Oh, you weren't there? I was there.
Yeah. But they had a meeting about it.

Speaker 2 Shot him in the chest, right? A guy just walked up and shot a guy in the fucking chest. Yeah.
And then

Speaker 2 Josh Nasser held the guy's body or something. What?

Speaker 2 Did we ask him what it felt like?

Speaker 2 No, no.

Speaker 2 No, I think I asked him, I go, well, you must have some PTSD from it. I I mean, that's traumatic, right? He said, nah.
Not at all. No, not really.
I mean, for me,

Speaker 2 I just know that if I was there that night, it would have really, because I'm so sensitive to murder. Murder tends to be surprising.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm a little too sensitive to murder. You know, you're very, very sensitive to murder.
I'm very, very, very sensitive to murder.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, for me, yeah, yeah. I get that.
Like, if, Jules, if you saw somebody shot and dying, would that scar you? I think so. Yeah, yeah.
I highly doubt it. With her? Yeah, yeah.
She's not.

Speaker 2 I bet you we could show you a dead body.

Speaker 1 I'd be traumatized.

Speaker 2 Really, though? Don't you like that stuff? I like it, but would you want to touch it? Yeah, you want to feel it. Yeah.
Yes. Have you ever touched a dead body? No.
Oh.

Speaker 1 I want to try.

Speaker 2 See? It's not like Magic Mountain. It's not a ride.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Yeah. What's been going on with you? I like these Batman socks.
Those are cool. What's been going on?

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can wear shoes here.

Speaker 2 Slippers. She has this.
She has a, and you know, I mentioned this earlier. She has a smile and a mischievous grin.
Yeah, it's been going on a little while.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that she's up to something, and I can't get to the bottom of it. What are you up to?

Speaker 1 I told you to warby, I'm not going anywhere. I'm just staying at home.
I'm not doing anything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but what's online, though? You're up to no good on the computer and the phone and the iPad and stuff.

Speaker 1 Nothing.

Speaker 2 You're not. Let me see your search history.
No. No, so you won't surrender it because you know you're looking at dirty stuff.
No, I'm not. Yeah, perfect.

Speaker 2 Now, when you said that you wanted to go to the strip club, are you interested in women? No, but I want to see boobs. You do like boobs.
Yeah. Everybody likes a good boobs.
Everyone loves boobs.

Speaker 2 But would you, okay, so would you get a lap dance? Would you get like a private dance if we bought you one?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. Maybe we'll have to buy her a dance.
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I also, they called me about what we want on stage.

Speaker 2 I don't know why I'm responsible for that, but I told them because everybody else does everything all the time. So they want you to do one thing.
Right. So I said,

Speaker 2 you want chairs?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I said, I want chairs. I said, I want sugar-free Red Bull.
Good start. Right.
Water. Smart.
Do you need to? Here's a third thing that I said that was smart. A monitor.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Thank God.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 A monitor. Dear can.
But I said four mics.

Speaker 2 Four mics. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're going to have guests come and go. Come and go.
So it's going to be one, two. It's going to be me, me, you, Rudy.
Doc, unfortunately, can't go because of Texas laws. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't make them. We just, we tend to get a lot of them.
Can't get on the rides. You can't get on the plane.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We could put you in the storage compartment above. Okay.
Maybe if we can make a big enough paper plane, we can put you on it and throw it up.

Speaker 2 I don't do strip clubs, though, though, so I don't want to go to the bathroom. Wait, you don't do titty bars ever? I do, but I got robbed for my vino in Vegas, so I don't.
Here's a story:

Speaker 2 when I went to cheetahs, I went to cheetahs in Vegas, right? Yeah, so my goal was to go in the strip club and not get no lab dance. That was my goal.

Speaker 2 I just want to just want to look a little bit, right?

Speaker 2 So, every chick kept coming up to me and asking me to dance. Yeah, no, get the fuck out.
No, I don't want no dance. Get the fuck out.
You got pimples on your ass. Shit like that, right? So now.

Speaker 2 So you're being nice to him then? Well, pretty much. Yeah.
So then, uh, and it's also good just to say something. What's that?

Speaker 2 They're human beings, they get pimples. Yeah, you get pimples.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you never had a pimple on your ass? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've had pimples on my ass.

Speaker 2 You don't know what the pimples are. I have one right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

Speaker 2 she might not have time to put clear cell on her ass. You know what I mean? And she's, you know what I mean? She probably has two kids.
She's in a busy day, right? So you don't have to be.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, cut that bitch a break. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. So.
Well, say it again. Say it again.
So kick the. Well, you're also kicking them.
Yeah. Way out.

Speaker 2 Kick your assault. Gentle push.
Yeah, yeah. Gentle push.
You don't have to kick it. Kill them when you're assured.

Speaker 2 Look at that little foot. Look Look at you.

Speaker 2 Look at that little.

Speaker 2 And then when he does that, this is what they feel. Beep.

Speaker 2 Beep.

Speaker 2 All right, so wait. So you push him away.
You kick him away.

Speaker 2 So I don't know. I guess they went in their arsenal.
And they were send the baddest chick you even got. So they're sorry.
Are you King Louis XIV? I mean,

Speaker 2 who the fuck do you the

Speaker 2 bring me the hardest shit? I didn't ask for it. You're not Elon Musk.
You're the money.

Speaker 2 Black Magic is here. Send the baddest bitch out.

Speaker 2 Yes, little Black Magic. He's sitting in a chair.
You can't miss it. His feet aren't touching the ground.

Speaker 2 He's kicking his little legs around, and he's asked for Shirley Temples all night. Bring him the baddest bitch we've got on the floor.
Anyway. So they sent me the baddest

Speaker 2 Asian. Yeah, Asian woman I've ever seen.
I said, God damn. She grabbed me.
She's like, you want a lap dance? I was like, fuck yeah. So she's like, oh, okay.
So she's dancing on me.

Speaker 2 And then she's kissing and licking. I'm like, oh, man, this chick is nice.
Okay. And then she goes, I like brothers.
I like brothers. I said, okay.
Okay. She had an accent? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What did it sound like? I like brothers. I like brothers.
Something like that. You know,

Speaker 2 it was sexy. It was so racy.
Do it one more time. Yeah, yeah.
I like brothers. I like brothers.
I like brothers.

Speaker 2 Yeah, something like that. You got it.
Yeah, yeah. I like sisters, too.
You know why I got it? That was me, dude. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 song ends.

Speaker 2 She says, you know what? I like you so much. I want to give you another dance.
like, okay. And I had two drinks.
How much was it aside?

Speaker 2 It was free. She gave me a free lap dance.

Speaker 2 No, that's

Speaker 2 exactly. Exactly.
So she gets through dancing, and she was like, You're so sweet. And then she walks away.
And I was like, Boy, you're sweet too.

Speaker 2 And I go to grab my drinks, and they're fucking gone, bro. Two goddamn drinks.
It was $20.

Speaker 2 They fucking robbed me, bro. No, that's not.

Speaker 2 That's not robbery. That's not robbery.
You don't think that's robbery? No. They stole my shit, bro.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Bro.
Okay, yeah, I didn't get gunpoint. You just had them take a drink from you? Michael Bay presented.

Speaker 2 The robbery strip club. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 What are my drinks? Okay, dramatic. So if he's tied up and he's dying dagged,

Speaker 2 what are you going to do to me? I'm going to take your drink away.

Speaker 2 And then with the credits roll down, that's the fucking movie, dude. That's a shit movie.
That's not a robbery, dude. Well, fuck it.
You know what? Yeah, yeah. So you think this robot?

Speaker 2 I paid $10 to get in. Damn, that's it.
$20 for those two drinks, and they took them from me. That's fucking robbery to me.
I don't give a fuck. That's like.
Bro, you got away with murder.

Speaker 2 You had a free laugh.

Speaker 2 Those are $100.

Speaker 2 They stole my Vino, bro. Don't you like that? I don't get that.

Speaker 2 That's what it is. Alcohol.
He's not. Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 Hand Rudy your canister right now. No, man.
See what I mean?

Speaker 2 He doesn't want to know that. I'm not an alcoholic, but I'll tell y'all what I know.
He's PTSD with Asian bitches stealing his wine. That's what this is.
Well, I'll tell you what I know.

Speaker 2 I like a plague. I like a plague.

Speaker 2 I'm not an alcoholic. No, you're not.
But

Speaker 2 I'm going to tell you what I I know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I know

Speaker 2 I need

Speaker 2 the wine

Speaker 2 inside

Speaker 2 of me.

Speaker 2 I like that. That was fucking.
Y'all didn't feel that? That was fucking amazing, dog. That was fucking an Español.
You're going to say

Speaker 2 que nesacito.

Speaker 2 Elvino dentro Dami.

Speaker 2 Come on, man. Do you feel the soul in that? You don't feel it.
You're getting scary.

Speaker 2 You're right. That was scary.
You're right. That was scary.

Speaker 2 You get a little scary. You get scary, dude.
What do you think that is? There's something deep inside you. Yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 I just

Speaker 2 maybe need some therapy a little bit. Well, let's do some right now.
Yeah. Okay, yeah, let's go.
Okay. Dude, honestly, the way that you're positioned in that chair,

Speaker 2 it's funny because Rudy looks like she fills out the chair. Yeah.
And you look like a little T-Rex in that little chair.

Speaker 2 A little brown T-Rex in that chair. His little arms brought him again.

Speaker 2 Let's do some therapy, Doc.

Speaker 2 What is causing you the most pain and or sadness right now? And or sadness. Mom's gone.
Mom is gone. Oh.
I hate socks, man. My mom is alive.
And then y'all be teasing. My mom's gone.

Speaker 2 We both have an issue. Our mom's alive.
Are your mom mom alive? High five.

Speaker 2 Y'all know they're going to be alive. Your mom's alive.

Speaker 2 High five. Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 You guys have alive moms? Yeah. Y'all fucking.
Yeah, yeah. High five.
High five.

Speaker 2 What an asshole segment. All your moms are alive.
Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah.
Stars. High five.
High five. Because I'm going to do this high five, y'all.

Speaker 2 Let's be real. Let's be real.
We love you. Your mom died.
And I'm sorry that. That is awful.
That sucks. That's causing you the most pain and issue, right? Yeah, I would say that.

Speaker 2 When did she die again? 2017.

Speaker 2 Oh, so four years ago? Five years ago. Almost five.
Yeah, I'm sorry. That sucks.
That is fucking awesome. How did she die?

Speaker 2 Cancer. Ah, that sucks.
Which one? Worst kind. Ovarian.
Does it matter? Fuck. What do you mean does it matter? It doesn't matter what kind.
Well, you always want to know which one. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Is there a special kind that's even cooler than... Some of them are neater than others.
Yeah, for sure. Is ovarian cooler than lung or? I think lung's way cooler.
Yeah. I like blood.
Blood is cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's cool. Yeah.
You don't know where it is. Yeah, it's all over the place.
Where's the cancer today? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, let's go back to reality. Go back to reality.

Speaker 2 I love you. For real.
I love love you to death. And I'm sorry that your mother is gone.
That is causing you the most.

Speaker 2 How does this problem typically make you feel? How does losing your mother make you feel day to day? Well, she was with me when I first started comedy. And of course, it's your mom.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm saying? So now it's like I'm taking this journey by myself. But you're not by yourself.
You're with us. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But y'all ain't got it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, moms have to fucking. Okay, because you're not going to be able to do that.

Speaker 2 I feel like we've done more for you in terms of comedy than your mom. Then your mom has.
I feel like that's true. That's the fuck no, bro.
What did she do? Really?

Speaker 2 Did she have a podcast that that they you brought you went on there and she followed

Speaker 2 she what she laughed at his jokes she laughed at his jokes

Speaker 2 i laugh at your jokes

Speaker 2 i laugh at you every time you're in this room

Speaker 2 i've never not laughed at you i've laughed at you every time you've come into this room

Speaker 2 when you

Speaker 2 when you walk in here i smile yeah i didn't know you were coming they don't tell us so when i walked in i'm like oh thank god he's here i love it i love seeing you yeah yeah all right so let's say i'm reading this off of a sheet because i don't know how to do this but what's what makes the problem better?

Speaker 2 What makes you feel better?

Speaker 2 When there's a moment that passes about you being sad about losing your mom, what makes you feel better? For real, comedy being around y'all. This makes you feel better? Hell yeah.
See, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 I love that. That's real talk.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 and this is real. I'm not trying to make a joke or anything, right, Rocket? Might be below it.
It might be a joke on me.

Speaker 2 Maybe, but I just feel like, you know,

Speaker 2 your heart is closed a little bit because you don't have a significant other. You know what I mean? Yeah.
And it's like... Do you want love? Hell Hell yeah.
I think that

Speaker 2 if you fell in love with somebody, a woman, right? Or a man, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
Yeah, yeah, well. Yeah, yeah.
Depends what you're saying.

Speaker 2 Or trans. Or trans person.
It can be anybody. Yeah.
Post-op, pre-op.

Speaker 2 When I said woman, you know what I meant, though. Guy? Man.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Keep going. So we want you.
So he, go ahead. Yeah.
So I think that if you, like, you know,

Speaker 2 when my dad died, right? It hurt. It was terrible, right? But I do have other people that I love as well, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So, yeah, him and my girlfriend, and whatnot, my brother, and other things. So, not Rudy.

Speaker 2 You know what? Love is a two-way street. Yeah, I'm going to say something right now.
She doesn't drive that way. You never, like, every day I go, what are you doing today? How are you? Right.

Speaker 2 And all these questions and stuff. You never asked me shit.
You don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 I asked you yesterday if you were negative from

Speaker 2 COVID. Yeah, yeah, because that's selfish, because you don't want to get sick.
Still, I ask. All right, fine.
I guess that counts. I guess that counts.
So, so brilliant.

Speaker 2 So, why don't we find you a significant other?

Speaker 2 We've tried before on the show, but we didn't take it seriously.

Speaker 2 I want to be real about it. I don't have the problem not meeting women.
No, no, no. You're not listening to what he's saying.
Yeah, yeah. You can get laid.
Where'd y'all find her, though?

Speaker 2 Y'all don't even know what I like.

Speaker 2 Yes, we do.

Speaker 2 Yes, we do. Your ideal woman.

Speaker 2 She's got to be alive, right? Yep. Breathing.
Breathing. Alive, right? Hair or no hair.
Either one. Yeah.
Hey, man, I love them all.

Speaker 2 And you want breasts in between A and double D, anywhere. You want two legs, two arms,

Speaker 2 ten fingers, ten toes, perfect eyesight, and a massive, beefy vagina.

Speaker 2 Beefy? Like, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy, beefy. Layers of

Speaker 2 layers. Oh, yeah, but you know, layers off.
No offense to the layers. It's done on an armadillo.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying, like, it's not scaled. I'm just saying one beef chunk.
One beef chunk. One beef chunk.

Speaker 2 Let us find.

Speaker 2 He's saying, we're not being, he's not being condescending. You can get laid, doc.
We know you can get laid. We want to find you love, intimacy, someone that you really want to be with.

Speaker 2 Share yourself with. You know what I mean? You're feeling.
Because you're a beautiful human, and someone needs to.

Speaker 2 Someone is going to want to come home to you at night. I have to say something, though.
I feel bad about this. My family, like my aunts, especially my great-aunt,

Speaker 2 they're a little step above y'all. Sorry about that.
I'll finish.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, fuck you.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. Number one, fuck you.
Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. Yeah, y'all down here.
That's number one. Now I don't hope you fall in love.
You cocksucker.

Speaker 2 You cocksucker. How dare you? All right.

Speaker 2 Your aunts are above you? What the fuck does that mean? So fuck face. So mean.
It is what it is, bro. Okay, well, yeah, to you, right? To you,

Speaker 2 you feel more in love and they're above us. Yeah.
You respect them more than us. Yeah.
There it is. Okay.
Okay, but we're very... I don't know what their skill sets are.
Yeah, what do they do?

Speaker 2 What do they do that's so good? Are they hilarious touring comedians?

Speaker 2 We talk on the phone often. Like my great aunt, I talked to her every day.
I would talk to you every day if you didn't bombard me with UFO pregnancy scares at nine in the morning.

Speaker 2 You know, man, I'm not good at texting. I don't even like texting.
No, I'm fine with you not texting me.

Speaker 2 But if you're going to text me, don't make me feel like something happened and then tell me there's a pregnancy scare with UFOs.

Speaker 2 Just don't go that route. Hey, man.

Speaker 2 I was just scared to talk about it on the podcast. No, you could text me and go, what up? How are you? I'll respond.
We'll have a chat. Yeah, that's true.
That's true. But you know what? Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, then.

Speaker 2 What positive changes do you want to make in your life? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What are your character defects? Do you have character defects that you want to change?

Speaker 2 I want to lose weight, continue.

Speaker 2 My patience could be

Speaker 2 a little bit better. Oh, you have road rage? Yeah, man.
Like, what's the worst thing? No, you know what? I have rage. In the grocery store where I work at, I just,

Speaker 2 man, fuck. I'd be mad up in there, dog.
Wait, why? Why? The people who bring their dogs in and shit, man, I'd be like, fuck, man. I don't know what the fuck.

Speaker 2 Don't dude, they be coming in with goddamn gentleman Sherpas. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Gentleman Shepherds.
Yeah, German Sherpa. Oh, German Sherpas.

Speaker 2 Those are good breed. I feel like those are the nicest.

Speaker 2 Which is like a little weird that he would call them gentlemen. I think that it's subliminal, and I think there's something else that you're trying to express, but I'll let it go.
We'll let it slide.

Speaker 2 This is a mad. When people bring in dogs, it makes you the most mad.
Why dogs shit and pee?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 They peed in the fucking. Yes, they have.
They've peed in the fucking middle of the aisle. I said, the dog is cleans it up.

Speaker 2 One time I was at Kearney's. Who cleans it up? The janitor.
So what do you do? Why do you care? Because it's not that.

Speaker 2 It's when they have them, they have them on a leash and they be in the way while you're trying to shop. It's not like a fucking kid.

Speaker 2 The kid just walks out the way, but the dog dumb ass just be standing there like this. No one calls it dog dumb.
The fucking people. The people.
Who had a fucking dog? I'm like, fuck.

Speaker 2 So why don't you say something? Why don't you go say that?

Speaker 2 One time I I told this lady, I said, hey, excuse me, your dog in a way. She said, oh, okay, get over here, Fido.
Get over here. And then she pulls him over to the side, right?

Speaker 2 And then I get ready to push the cart, and the fucking dog went right back across. And I said, lady, your dog's over there.
And she looked back. She's like, oh, he did it again.
I'm like, yeah, bitch.

Speaker 2 He did it again. Yeah, you're a homicoman.
Are you kidding me? You're a homicidal maniac. The chat is like, are you fucking kidding?

Speaker 2 Bro,

Speaker 2 I am very, very, very worried.

Speaker 2 Bro, that shit, dog. Y'all know that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that woman. That shit, man.
Did you? Did you imagine the woman? She's like, it's just a dog. It's a dog.
But bro, they'd be all over it, and they'd be in the fucking way.

Speaker 2 Man, y'all don't get it. Do you do that with babies, do? No, the babies, I'd be like, cool.
You know what I'm saying? Babies are.

Speaker 2 I'd be like, are you fucking like your dog has no,

Speaker 2 the dog never knows to move the fuck out the way. That's right.
Yeah, well, then don't go to a grocery store and fuck in the Philippines. There's chickens and all kinds of shit in their way.

Speaker 2 Chicken is y'all. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That is the grocery store.
It's just a room filled with live animals. You got to.
Oh, yeah, but that's cool, though. But just, you know what I mean, though? No, I know what you're saying.

Speaker 2 Look, I know what you're saying. I don't know why you're so mad about it.
Yeah. Do I get angry shopping? Grocery shopping? All the employees do.

Speaker 2 Oh, so this is a common theme. If you go to the Ralphs on violin inventory,

Speaker 2 they have a dog. I'll never go to Ralph's.
Y'all so goddamn up of the everything.

Speaker 2 Fucking thing. They go to everyone with everyone today.
Everyone's nice.

Speaker 2 Of course, we'll go to the Ralphs. I'll go to Ralphs.
I go to Ron Carroll Ralph. Can y'all pretend with me? Goddamn.

Speaker 2 Okay, so there's a sign when you go there, it says, No dogs unless service dog, please. So people are not coming in with service dog.
They're coming in with just their dogs. Right.

Speaker 2 That's ask for the identification. Say, is that dog a service dog? Don't they have to show you? Yeah.
Don't they have a little vest on that I'm a service dog? Yeah, no,

Speaker 2 no, no, no, right. You know, the law is not allowed to ask, right? No, no, you're allowed to ask, but they don't have to prove it.
They don't have to prove it. Right.

Speaker 2 So they could just say yes and keep walking.

Speaker 2 And that's what they do. Yes.
They go, man, you're a goddamn lying. This fucking Chihuahua ain't a service.
Man, it could be. On a scale of zero to 10, how content are you with your life? I'm about.

Speaker 2 Be honest with you. I'm about a 10.
Be honest with you. You're very content.
Yeah. That's cool.
Except for the dog thing. Except for the dog.
Yeah. That knocks it down.
Yes, there's life.

Speaker 2 No, but life throws you some curveballs. That's cool.
What's the biggest gay circuit killers?

Speaker 2 You're going back there, huh?

Speaker 2 Okay. How about this?

Speaker 2 Do you feel... Yeah, do you set positive goals? Have you set goals for your work, life, relationships, love, and all that stuff? Yeah, always.
Do you have a vision board? Oh, my my God.

Speaker 2 Please tell me you have a vision board. I'll take it down because we have to do it.

Speaker 2 We fucking had it.

Speaker 2 We talked about it. We do.
Oh, yeah, yeah, we did talk about it. What the fuck is they losing? We're losing our minds.
Yeah, we're losing our minds. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, we're interested in trying to get to the core of you, but you're so closed off. You're just such a can I tell you something that happened to me at Erwan?

Speaker 2 And I want to see if you would get angry at this. You know, Erwan?

Speaker 2 What is that? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 It's a fancy health food store. Look at this.
It's spelled weird. You've probably seen that sign.
It looks like Ir Juan. So I want to get a peanut butter last smoothie.
Let's do that again.

Speaker 2 Maybe I'm.

Speaker 2 Dude, I felt it for a second. You felt it.

Speaker 2 Bob.

Speaker 2 I'm waiting in line, right? There's a guy ahead of me, right?

Speaker 2 And probably five minutes I'm there, right? And there's other people gathering on this other side afterwards. And then an employee comes up to me and she goes, that's not the line.
The line's there.

Speaker 2 Right? But I was there before the three. Oh, I don't like this.
That was already in line. I don't like this.
So I go, Oh, I fucked up. Well, I guess I get to go next.
Obviously, obviously.

Speaker 2 Because I've been fucking waiting here. But that's not what happened.
Did the people cut you off? They go, No, in the back. No.
Yeah. Fuck you.
Yeah. And I did that.

Speaker 2 And then now I'm trying to do like my meditations, you know, calm, breathe. We live in the moment.
It's okay. Just be mindful.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm trying to do all that, but I'm just rage is coming out of my eyes. Right.

Speaker 2 And then the lady that said that's the line, she runs to open up the other register

Speaker 2 to do me. Yeah.
Right. And I go, no,

Speaker 2 I'm waiting in this.

Speaker 2 Like a fucking asshole. Why wouldn't you let her go?

Speaker 2 Why wouldn't you let her do that for you? No. Why? Because I should have been next.
I know, but she wanted to make you feel. It doesn't matter.
She should have said, excuse me, guys.

Speaker 2 He waited in the line. He was there before.
He should go here. Well, let's get her fired.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's get her fucking fired. If that happened to you, what would you do?

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 But would you have waited in the line or would you have said something? I would have said something. See, I don't say things.
Do you say things? You better fucking nuts.

Speaker 2 You know me. Yeah, you're fucking powerful.
I'm the first one that says something. But I do it, but I do it in a way that's like,

Speaker 2 it's bullyish, but disarming. Where like, if that happened to me, I go, oh, that seems unfair.
And then someone would be like, oh, I go, that's weird. I thought.

Speaker 2 I thought for sure I'd been waiting. All right.
I mean, this is fucking stupid. Passive aggression.
Right, passive aggressive.

Speaker 2 Weird. It works.
I know. Oh, so you think they'd be like, oh, well, excuse me.
I'll come back. No,

Speaker 2 someone will go, oh, were you here? And I go, yeah, I was waiting. This was fucking...
But I blame it on other things, so I don't make the people feel bad. But everyone, I blame it on the system.

Speaker 2 Everyone heard the transaction. I know.
Right?

Speaker 2 So we all know who did it. Like, if I was in line and then I would have been, oh, no, dude, you're next.

Speaker 2 Like, if I was in the line and I heard that, I would have been like, no, go ahead, dude, because you were waiting. But let me tell you something.
Most people don't have spatial awareness.

Speaker 2 Most people aren't, don't.

Speaker 2 You know what else I do? If I'm in line and the guy's up back at me, like if I have a bunch of shit and there's a guy in back of me with one olive oil. Let him go.
Is that all you're getting?

Speaker 2 He's like, yeah, go ahead. I do that every time.
Yeah, but people don't do that. No, Pete.
You're a fucking asshole.

Speaker 2 You would never do that. That guy's going to hold that goddamn bottle until I get through my goddamn 90 groceries.
That's what he's going to do. Piece of shit.
I got to go.

Speaker 2 You're a human garbage, dude.

Speaker 2 I just thought you were just an alien. I didn't know you were an asshole.
Aliens are asshole. You know what I mean? I saw Independence Day.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't let a guy with one fucking thing go in front of you. To what? Just because it's going to let him knock it out.
He doesn't want to wait for all your shit.

Speaker 2 He should have came at a different time, bro. Like, I passive aggressively, like, call out places that I didn't like the way they treated me or I don't like

Speaker 2 their system of doing things.

Speaker 2 Do you remember when I had my old podcast

Speaker 2 by the Target on La Brea? Yeah. And so we walked by.
I'll never forget. Bobby walked by.
There's a fancy invite-only clothing store right there. It's hidden.
You wouldn't even know it's there.

Speaker 2 It's super fucking high end. And you can only go there if you have an invite.
There's a guy in a suit that stands outside. It's like LeBray where the target is.

Speaker 2 And I go get Bobby parked down that street. And Bobby's smoking a cigarette.
And he goes, what's this, man? And the guy in the suit's like, it's a retail shop. And Bobby already was pissed off.

Speaker 2 And so he's smoking. He's like, what do you mean? What is it? What is it? What are you selling? And he goes, it's invitation only.
And Bob's like,

Speaker 2 I could get an invite. I could get a lot of invites if I needed an invite.
I could get invites today, right now.

Speaker 2 He's so frustrated. Why am I such an ass? And then he keeps smoking and he goes, well, I want to be able to go inside.

Speaker 2 You were so fucking mad.

Speaker 2 And you go, and the guy's like, sorry, it's invite only. And he was fucked.
He fucked us right off. I was like, come on, Bob, let's go.
And as Bobby's walking away, Bobby goes, I'm famous to me.

Speaker 2 I'm famous. I should be able to go inside.
Did you ever say that? Yes, you do. Yes.
Why would I say that? It's fucking ridiculous. I am famous, though.
See? No, I'm kidding. No.
You are famous.

Speaker 2 You're famous. But you were mad that

Speaker 2 you were so mad you couldn't get in there. He was like, Yeah, I don't like Hoyt.
For the first 15 minutes of the podcast, he was sitting there like this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why wouldn't that guy fucking let us into that? I was like, who gives a shit? There's a place in Los Felis, so Kevin Christie tells me. You don't like being denied.
Yeah, Kevin Christie goes,

Speaker 2 there's a clothing store in Los Files, but I don't know if you'll be able to get in. A clothes, like this? Yeah, yes.
But what it is, is you have to ring a doorbell.

Speaker 2 Right? Sexy. And, you know, I rang it, and I could see

Speaker 2 a little thing open. They looked at me, and they just never never opened the door.

Speaker 2 They closed it back. Yeah, and I remember just being furious because I was going to buy shit.
Yeah, a lot. Probably a lot.
Yeah, yeah, a lot, right? But it's like, I hate that hoity-toity.

Speaker 2 But you do like fashion stuff. You would work hard to be in that world.
You like that world. What are you talking about? You like high-end shit that's tough to get.
No, I like, here's my wardrobe.

Speaker 2 Here's my preferred wardrobe. Really expensive t-shirts.

Speaker 2 No, my t-shirts are vintage sometimes, right? And sometimes they are expensive. Very.
My jeans are expensive, but I only wear only two pairs through my whole life. Okay.
That's my rule.

Speaker 2 I'm wearing one of them now, right? And I like weird shoes. Like, you want to see the shoe I have now? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are those like Peloton shoes? What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Are those for biking?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 These are F1 shoes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What are these called? These, these look like these are for handicapped people.

Speaker 2 This is, this is, this is like,

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 and i remember i waited a week for those to come in okay i couldn't wait for them to come so what now now but was this really expensive this shoe what are we talking be real a couple hundred bucks three

Speaker 2 250 maybe that's not expensive yeah is it not yeah i've had gucci gym shoes you have gucci gym shoes now but i've had them what happened to them yeah well because i had that's when i was selling crack and shit i had some

Speaker 2 give me the first mistake yeah

Speaker 2 That's the only time I had.

Speaker 2 I'm just telling y'all the truth. That's the only time I had.
When you were selling crack, you had Gucci gym shoes. Don't you think that was kind of a red flag for the cops? Well,

Speaker 2 yeah, because we was the name of the Gucci Boys, and anytime we wore anything Gucci, they would pull us over. So you took all this crack money and bought Gucci shit.
Gucci,

Speaker 2 Feela, Fendi, Lucy. They changed the name of your fucking group and called it the Gap Boys.
Yeah, Gap Kids.

Speaker 2 Gap Kids. Yeah, the Cap Kids.
You get your clothes there, and that's who you are.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I had red Gucci's.

Speaker 2 How many people were on the team of

Speaker 2 the crack squad, the Gucci Boys, crack squad? Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 Probably about two, 250 or something like that. 250 people selling crack on your team? But in different areas.
But they're all Gucci.

Speaker 2 Well, all the Gucci Boys was like a total of probably about 250, I think. Well, now, what was it? Did you have to show up with Gucci when you went to the meetings? So there's Gucci Boys.

Speaker 2 It's a gang in Michigan. That was when I was younger.

Speaker 2 See if you can look them up. The Gucci Boys Gang, Michigan.
Detroit.

Speaker 2 Detroit. Gucci Boys, Detroit Gang.
I want to see what that was. What would your clothing gang be if you were...
What would your brand design gang be?

Speaker 2 It would probably be

Speaker 2 Fred Siegel. The Fred Siegel gang.
The gang Frank, yeah.

Speaker 2 What would Rudy's be?

Speaker 2 City Target?

Speaker 2 Goodwill. Goodwill.
The Goodwill Gang. The Goodwill Gang.
That actually sounds dope.

Speaker 2 Where do you get your clothes? And this is coming from someone with no fashion. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I wear t-shirts. Oh, right.
Gucci Boys gang member found guilty of attempted first-degree murder. Oh, that's real.
Carlos Wheeler, 28, been found guilty of conspiracy.

Speaker 2 They're still probably going around. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're still the younger guys. Did you ever reach out to some of the old Gucci boys? Yeah, I got them on Facebook.

Speaker 2 Got a lot of them on Facebook. Dude, the gang is on Facebook.
That's so fucking cute. Yeah, it's cute.
That's what Zuckerberg initially intended it for.

Speaker 2 Gang meetups on Facebook.

Speaker 2 Carlos Wheeler, Gucci Boy, gang. Look at what we're going to.
Now we're getting clipped. The government's going to listen to us for the alien stuff, and now we're going to get fucked by a gang.

Speaker 2 Have you ever had an abuse, a physically abusive relationship has a woman ever struck you

Speaker 2 i had a girl throw a knife at me

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 why

Speaker 2 because we were breaking up and she was mad that i was breaking up with her she threw a knife at me is that's the worst but her aim was so bad it hit like the fucking other wall i was like what yeah holy shit i'm definitely out of here um if she would have hit me i might have stayed that's i think that's one of the worst things to do What is because I've been in every relationship aside from Kalila, I was always the one that had to break up when they, and I always do it out of nowhere, right?

Speaker 2 There's no like, you know what I mean? There's no like it's at like an anniversary dinner or something, yeah, yeah, oh God, baby, look beautiful. We're done,

Speaker 2 but it's like, I hate that conversation, yeah, the breakup because you could see them try to process it, you know what I mean, and just start thinking, like, what did I do? What did I do?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And what's what the fuck is, and it's like the worst confrontation. It's it sucks.
It's the worst. Have you ever broken up with somebody? Never.

Speaker 2 You've he's never been with anybody. How do you

Speaker 2 break? Yes, I have. You've never been in a real life.
I've been not in a real life. Well, you've never been in a real life.
Dude, I've known you forever. I've never seen you.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, this is my girlfriend. And that's never happened.
When I was selling crack, my girlfriend was a bad person. Oh, she was.
Oh,

Speaker 2 I remember her girlfriend. That's the best boyfriend I ever had.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 One time I lost a drug dealer's drugs, and she gave me the money for it, man.

Speaker 2 You're a real one, Nathan. Appreciate you.
Is she alive? Where is she at? Yeah, she's still alive. She's actually a dentist.
She's uh on a dentist court.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the city of Detroit. Yeah, man.
How these two there were two roads in the woods.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boy, did you take them on the hospital or go to dental school? I don't know.

Speaker 2 A road emerged in the woods. That's more like my realest girlfriend, but after that, I just saw other guys.
Have you had to dump people, Rudy? Smash.

Speaker 1 My first boyfriend, I just ghosted him.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. Yeah.
She would. There's no way you're having a conversation about it.

Speaker 2 But since then, that's it, huh? That's it. Have you been dumped? No.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, I mean, you're first supposed to be a dumbass.
You can tell she's never been. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
What was his name? No, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Rudy, listen. Well, then, fucking me.
Yeah, yeah. What's his name? What's his name?

Speaker 1 I hate his name.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what is it? What is it? Yutu. Yutu.
The band?

Speaker 2 No, no.

Speaker 2 His name was Bang Bano.

Speaker 2 He was international. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know his name Edge. I thought he was weird.

Speaker 2 So wait a minute.

Speaker 2 So Yutu,

Speaker 2 you dumped Yutu. Yeah.
Why? What did he do?

Speaker 1 Because he was like

Speaker 2 very clingy. Oh, yeah.
He was too.

Speaker 2 You're very independent, though. You don't like people to be.

Speaker 2 You like your space.

Speaker 2 I have an aversion to thirsty people.

Speaker 2 Like, a desperation. Well, you like to see what they do, though.
You do like to see wild, thirsty people in the wild. What do you mean? You like to watch, you like to engage with thirst.

Speaker 2 Like, you like to, if there's thirsty comics or something like that,

Speaker 2 you fuck with them. I'll fuck around with them, right? But it's not like, you know.

Speaker 2 I have to give you an example. Go ahead and say it.
So last night, last night, I saw...

Speaker 2 Just put your hand over your mouth. Can you see? Yeah.
Why don't you move your mouth and then I say it? Oh, that's great. That's really good, Doc.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So?

Speaker 2 No, you got to open your mouth, dude. Oh, fucking dude.

Speaker 2 Ventrillo. What kind of doll are you, man?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Like, so I'll do this to let you know when to say it.

Speaker 2 Does he know who the name is? That's what I was going to run over there and have him whisper it to me. Then I come back.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 2 No, you don't.

Speaker 2 The doll. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Dude, the doll doesn't talk. I'm the voice.
You're just a doll. You just open your mouth.
Oh, okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Wasn't this your idea? Yeah, it was.
I got it.

Speaker 2 This is your idea, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm afraid you forgot to say that.

Speaker 2 All right, okay.

Speaker 2 All right, so

Speaker 2 let's do it. Maybe this will be better, right? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome, Bobby and his doll, Doc.
Let me introduce you guys. Yeah, do it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage, Bobby Lee and his doll, Little Black Magic.

Speaker 2 Hello, everybody. I'm Bob, and this is.
No, you don't. I'm talking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm saying, let's

Speaker 2 suck some talk.

Speaker 2 This guy's so dark.

Speaker 2 All right, so check it out. This is insane.
So when someone does

Speaker 2 a ventriloquist act, right, the guy talks as well, right, as himself. Like, he welcomes the show, right? And this is duck.
And then when I do this, right, is when you talk.

Speaker 2 But you don't have to do the mouthpiece when I'm talking because that would make no fucking sense. Okay.
All right, all right.

Speaker 2 we go.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this day. Yeah.
Bobby Lee and Lil Black Magic.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's really good to be here at the Mirage. What do you think of the Mirage, Doc?

Speaker 2 I thought you. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 Now you fucked it up. Now you fucked it up.

Speaker 2 Fucking God.

Speaker 2 Two dummies.

Speaker 2 All right. So, anyway.
We we bid you adieu. Go ahead.
Really good to be here at the Mirage. What do you think, Don?

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a joint friend.

Speaker 2 Love it. Yeah.