We Rented Out Six Flags

Today we are at, where are we Bob? We're at Magic Mountain. We're at Magic Mountain Six Flags because Rudy wanted to go, right? Right Rudy? Yeah.
Are you excited? No. Why? No! Once you're locked in, you're just in no way, you're going to be fine.
You're going to be totally fine and guess what? Only, what do we say? Like four or five people a year fall out of the rides? Or they die from a part of that. But they also said that the deaths are over for this year.
this year.

They've already all the. You're gonna be totally fine.
And guess what? Only, what do we say? Like four or five people a year fall out of the rides?

Or they die from a heart attack.

But they also said that it's, that the deaths are over for this year.

They've already, all the people that died on roller coasters already died this year.

Also, because you're on roller coasters, you get to heaven faster.

And so if you have a heart attack, you get to heaven faster.

Yeah.

So when you show up to heaven, you're like, what a year!

You're gonna throw up all over this ride.

What does this say?

Don't eat cheese rolls before going on ride. I'm lucky.
Oh, my God. I'm not sure what you're doing.
I'm not sure what you're doing. I'm not sure what you're doing.
I'm not sure what you're doing. I'm not sure what you're doing.
I'm not sure what you're doing. I'm not sure what you're doing.
I'm not sure what you're doing. I'm so scary.
Oh, okay. What do you think, Dules? So scary.
But you did it. I thought I was going to fall.
Yeah, it was fun though. Right? It was fun.
It was kind of fun. Me, Dules? Yeah, yeah, I told you.
I don't like when you're doing it. I know, but you still look fine.
Dude, my beanie fell off and I caught it in the air.

Yeah.

I caught my beanie in the air so then I had to do a one-arm bend.

I heard the loudest screams from your cart.

Was it you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

That was the same.

When it goes upside down and you go, you didn't love that?

Oh, my God.

It was so fun.

That was so much fun.

That was fun.

Oh, yeah.

Where do we go now? Which one do we go through? You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots white dude i'm an asian dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends look at this i have to fucking hold it look at we paid what do we pay 90 grand for this thing look at it dude look at this watch great yeah i know what the fuck this is what do we pay these guys a for this thing? Look at it, dude.
Look at this. Watch.
Great. I know.
What the fuck? This is what... Do we pay these guys a bunch of money? And I was like, hey, man...
It's not their fucking fault, man. Yes, it is! Ultima is the worst in terms of products.
It's like ghetto stuff. Can I tell you? This is great.
Great. This is great.
It was Carlos's revenge. Yeah, did Carlos do this? It was Carlos's revenge.
I mean, look at this thing. That looks great.
Watch, watch great watch watch this will fall like the mics it'll just start to go if your attitude right now is like no i'm in a good mood um what a day we had i won a big tiger today i'm so excited at six flags and all it took was for me to ride five roller coasters back to back to back to back to back well i like to talk about they gave me a tiger right there next to rudy jewels and i'd like to name it because it's my tiger and i want to name it noodles noodles the bengal tiger all right i'm really into truth isms and i'm oh trithms trithms trithms and me, I have proof. We have proof, right? That I won that Tiger.
I'll tell you what happened. We're at Magic Mountain today.
We'll talk about it. And you know how they have those games that you can play.
Is that what they call them? Carnival games. Let's see it right here.
Carnie games. Carnie games.
Let's take a look. Check this out.
You have to throw a beanbag. This is me.
First try. I've never done this before, right? This was unreal.
Unreal. Look at this shit.
Look at this shit right here. Oh, LA Dodgers.
Here I come. Look at how excited I am.
You have no idea what you just did. No, because I think I have to do it again.
Look at me. I'm like a child.
I can't.

You hugged me.

Pause it.

Here's the thing.

Yeah.

Bob had no idea.

Bob thought you have to hit it.

You must have to hit it twice.

Right.

Did you think that, Rudy?

Or do you think if you hit it down once, you get a prize?

Hit once, you get a prize. Okay, because Bobby was like not impressed.

He thought, this must be a fluke.

No, because I've never won anything. Ever.
What do you mean you won my heart won my heart? No, no, no, no, in terms of like carnival games. Well, I've been to Del Mar fair.
I've been to so many different carnivals. I'm a carnival guy.
You're a carny. Yeah.
I'm a carny without the meth. And sometimes with the math.
Yeah. Sometimes with the math.
And then, yeah. And, um, I never won anything.
And, and also the cameras are on and I'm with man, Mr.

Man, the man, man, you know.

Oh, because during the rides, you're like, my dick's too big for these rides.

We'll get into later.

Time out.

We'll get into later.

We'll get into later that your dick is too big for these rides.

Some of them.

Yeah.

There was a couple of black dudes.

I saw they were fine.

Both of them came off the ride like this.

Oh, man.

Shit hurt.

So, um, it was incredible what you did.

I'm sorry. A couple of black dudes I saw, they were fine.
Both of them came off the ride like this. Oh, man.

That shit hurt.

It was incredible what you did.

And I was like.

But the guy was stunned.

Yeah.

He looked right at me.

He was like, I have to go to the warehouse now and get the fucking thing.

There's an old guy named Michael.

There he is right there.

Let's show a skill of him.

So, Michael, we said he couldn't believe it. Didn't get it down.
Sad. Did not get it down.
Real sad. Yeah.
But Michael, this dude, he was so confused that Wang came up and did something. Who's Wang? You.
You know in his mind. Who's Wang, man? I'm speaking as Michael.
Oh, all right, right. Old man, white guy, Michael was like- But that, you don't wanna see- Look at him, he's like, Wong ain't go, hey Wong, you ain't gonna do nothing over here, Wong.
No, check this out, our connection. He was a prospector.
And back in the day, right, he worked with Chinese people for the railroads. That's right.
So we have that connection connection going so he's like i'll build you i'll build you some railroads chinese man yeah

you got dynamite detail go ahead dynamite did you like him rudy look at how entertained rudy is

right there in the background let's pinch and zoom that out just out of it yeah let's get me the fuck

out of here but time out let's let's get away from this let me say first of all congrats that

was amazing and we won and what's the name of the tiger i don't know um noodles it is

I'm Korean. Bibimbap.
Bibimbap. Bibimbap.
Bibimbap. Bibimbap.
So that's bibimbap. All right.
Bibimbap. You've had that before, haven't you? Yeah.
It's like rice in a bowl with, oh, it's so good. So I'm going to tell people how magical today was.
Now, let's cut to a couple of years ago, three years ago, right? Jules and her family. Fancy? What? What fancy? You don't know her mom.
You don't? Yeah. Her mom is, you can fart on her face and it's fine.
And she likes it. And I've done it before.
And she likes it. Okay.
So we take these to Disneyland, right? And they're too scared to go on Space Mountain. Oh my God, it's not even a real, it's not even a ride.
Does it go upside down? Pete would know. No, it doesn't even go upside down.
It just goes straight. And sometimes it goes a little bit.

It's like walking down a hill, going up a hill.

Yeah.

You could do that hiking.

It's barely hiking.

Right.

And then we went to a California Dreamin.

Is that what it's called?

California Adventures.

All right.

Fucking.

You're an American citizen.

I'm going to let you talk to me that way.

Okay.

California Adventures.

Yeah.

So they refused to go on the Guardians of the Galaxy ride. It's too scary for them.
Is it? I don't like the drop, so I was really scared. Boy, oh boy, did you get drops today, kiddo.
So then two days ago, I just decide, you know, because there was a poo scandal. So at our house, there was a piece of poo in the living room I looked at Jules

and I said

clean it

she goes you clean it and we did a stalemate and it was there for days and whose poo was it? mine that's why she didn't want to clean it it was my poo no it was one of my dog's poos I think stubbo could it be stubbo? probably stubbo and I picked it up eventually it was hard as as a rock. It stunk like a motherfucker.

How many days had passed before the poop got picked up? Probably three days.

Yeah, that pretty seems true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I thought, I'm going to punish her.

So I go, we're going to Magic Mountain.

And when I said that, it was almost as if I said to her,

pick up this machine gun, you're going to Ukraine.

And it was that, her face, she was in terror. I couldn i couldn't sleep last night yeah i slept like at 4 a.m wait why because you were so excited you're scared and so we made a we made an agreement we said um you have to go at least three rides right not only did jules go on three rides she went on four rides four rides we all went only on four rides and we got the fuck out of there we did X2, Tatsu, Viper Riddler that's it right? four rides we did four fucking rides we did four rides in three hours unbelievable timing not only did you do that you did it.
A pro. An absolute professional.
And I am so proud of you. I really am.
Let's give it up for Rudy Jules. Let me ask you something, Jules.
Would you go back again? Yeah, I'd go back again. You had fun.
Yeah, I had fun after the first one. Okay, the first one we did, to be fair, Bobby and I did put her on the, what is it, scariest, most intense ride.
You go upside down and backwards and it swings. It swings.
So it rotates over itself. Yeah.
It's called X2. X2.
X2. Sponsored by Mountain Dew.
Mountain Dew's X2. Yeah, and you did that.
Are you a Jew? Jump on X2. Yeah.
And then I thought the scary was Tatsuya Tatsu this is Tatsu Tatsuya like the ramen yeah and this is one of my favorite parts look at her little legs look at her little legs are shaking look at her little ribo oh that I love panic they hang you up like a piece of clothing yeah yeah look at that they put you away like a shirt in a closet. And look at that, dude.
Look at it. Here we go.
Unnatural. Honestly? Yeah.
That was the ride. Bobby said this when we got off.
You'll agree, I bet. It was the one where if an accident didn't happen, did happen, it would happen on that ride.
Like it felt like the thing that was holding you in was just your shoulders. Well, you're facing planet Earth.
Yeah. You're facing planet Earth.
Beautiful. Planet Earth is beautiful, right? But not when you're way above it.
I mean, you know I love that stuff because I'm a weirdo. I know.
But so when you think if this just detaches, your life is over. Imagine if this just click, click, click.
Just a little two clack clacks. Click, click.
Two clack clacks, you clacks, you're dead. Yeah, you're slipping, especially the skinny one.
My sister, my little sister said to me, my sister and her best friend came with us and my sister turned to me and she said, this is not gonna come undone, right? She got real nervous and I said, no, I promise you it won't. But then there was a moment in my mind that I thought, that's gonna be so shitty if she dies and i promised her yeah it wouldn't if i said i promise you i love you you're my sister and then it does and she dies well that do i tell my parents would i say something i'm gonna tell your parents that he promised her he promised that she wasn't gonna die she died so you have a really bad son bad if she would have died i would have to face her family but you said this and we talked about this at the park.
Imagine the Rudy Bad Friends funeral would be so fun. We'd throw a party.
Are you going to go to the Philippines? We would have it here. I'm not going to that.
We're not going to the Philippines. Why? What? I was born in the Philippines.
Yeah, but you live here now. This is the real life.
This is real. That's your pre-life.
That's before you started to get to live. Yeah.
You weren't living there. I want my ashes to be thrown on the ocean.
No, a lake. We have an ocean right here.
We have a lake. In the Philippines.
Let me tell you something. We throw it hard enough in the Pacific Ocean, it'll get to the Philippines eventually.
Or a river that will eventually get into the ocean. I got it.
What? We'll spread some your ashes here in california for us we'll put the rest in a little bottle or something and put it on a boat to the philippines it'll get there they'll get to do whatever they want with it but we won't be a part of it so you'll get there i also would probably relapse i'll relapse and do a keith richards i'll mix your ashes with some cocaine and snortort it. What? Okay.
So that you're inside me. And that's not weird.
Is that weird? No. I feel like that's not...
I'll brush my teeth with you. I'll mix you in with some toothpaste.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll shine up my Rudy Jules teeth.
Oh, I know what I'll do. You know what I'll do? I'll play pool and I'll use your ashes as a little cue.
As the chalk. A chalk, right? What else will we do? Oh, you know what? I'll take up gymnastics and I'll use it as the powder.
I'll use it as a powder and swing. On the uneven bars.
Yeah. What else? You know what I'll do? I'll work at Portillo's, the bakery, and I'll mix in your ashes with the flour.
The dough. Dough.
And we'll have a delicious, disgusting, disgusting pie. Okay.
Yeah. I'm fine.
Is I Yeah. Is I happy? I'm fine with that.

Okay, good.

What would you do with my ashes?

Well, we wouldn't burn you.

Oh, you'd keep me a lot.

We would keep you fully intact.

Yeah.

And I would sit you in that chair.

Yeah.

I would sit you in the chair just like that.

And I would stuff you like a fucking stuffed animal.

Yeah.

Just so I could look at you.

And I would still podcast without you.

I would just have your body there and I'd podcast to you. Right.
But underneath the table, you would have Ken Jeong. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Mouth all over there.
Yeah. I would have, well, any of the Koreans I know.
They wouldn't know the difference. Just fuck my body.
Just use any other Korean to say it's me. Oh, we're going to fuck your body.
Oh, good, good, good. Because there was a doctor, not a doctor.
Yeah, it was a doctor back in the 1900s. And he had a patient who was a young girl, and she died from some sort of flu or Spanish flu or something like that, right? Spanish flu.
Yeah, and he quit being a doctor, and they never found her corpse. Oh, no.
Yeah, and then like 30 years down the road, the sister found out where he was living and they went upstairs and there was her sister still and he had like what what do you want what reaction do you want from me horny not horny go on i think you'd be horny yeah but he did some things you know i mean don't do that i don't want that to happen no it's gross i would never do that to you yeah and i'll take good care of your body when you're gone i'll take better care of your body when you're gone than you do while you're alive oh really yeah think about it yeah although although i want to say something what i want to say something and i've said it to you multiple times this is a fact and you'll you'll agree you'll attest i've you're looking healthier. You're looking better than ever.
Didn't I say at the comedy store?

And you thought I was talking shit in the main room.

And you were like, shut up.

And I was being serious.

And what happened today?

At the park, I posted on Instagram a picture of me and you and the Green Lantern.

And every single comment.

Yeah, I read them.

Bobby looks amazing.

Bobby, you look so good.

It was drug weight.

And only about four of these were girls, but still. But can I say this? Girls have been looking at me again.
Are you getting looked at? Yet before they were like, it was almost as if, no. No, it's not like that.
No, it's more like, you know, we have a visitor from a different planet. So we have to, you know what I mean? Be nice to it.
But weteous, but we're scared. We're a little nervous.
But now it's like, I penetrate that. Are you getting those eyes? They wouldn't penetrate me.
Yeah, they would. Yeah, they would.
Yeah, you'd be a little peg. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe their clits can go in my butthole. That's kind of cool, actually.
Yeah. It's a new world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a lot of Mexicans there, huh? Yeah, we're in fucking Valencia, bro.
I know. I love them, though.
I fucking love Mexicans. I love Mexicans so much.
Mexicans are the best. But there's also a lot of...
What's a nice way to say white trash? What is a nice way to say white trash? What do you call white people that are white trash? Do you know what that is? No, I don't know what to call them. White trash are like Filipinos for the Asian community.
Stop, I'm just kidding you. One guy, remember he goes, Bobby Lee, and when you pound somebody, it's just a handshake.
He hit you as hard as I've ever seen. Right, but he thought it was like Thor and Hulk are punching each other in that fist.
It was terrible. So look at this for white trash.
No, there's really nothing. Hillbilly.
Ooh, lay woman? Peasant? Urinated? Oh, untrained eye. I don't know.
Look, white trash is an interesting thing. It's a mean thing to say, but you know who you are.
No, no, no. Describe to me what a white trash person is if I have a mullet let me tell you what makes white trash and by the way I like white trash people I'm not shitting on them I'm saying they're present when you have when you have a poorly drawn tattoo that's a pretty big giveaway like a really poorly where it's like it was done by a buddy in a garage with a bic pen yeah and the motor from a fucking like an rc car or something yeah that's like a white trash tattoo yeah and that tattoo is probably of that person it's the girl that has it yeah so bad tattoo um teeth bad bad? Teeth really bad.
Right.

Really bad.

Now, in terms of what they... Clothing?

Clothing, yeah, for sure.

Clothing, it's always really, really long basketball shorts.

It's always basketball shorts that go down to their shoes, basically.

They look like pants, but they just didn't make it.

They'll go to the mall and go to like...

They don't go to the mall.

...journeys and get their shoes.

They don't go to the mall.

Oh, they don't?

They go to wherever they got it.

I mean, they...

Okay.

Yeah. Right.
Yeah. And now, in terms of education education does that have anything to do with it what you what is that education come what is that they don't have anything they don't have no no so they have no interest of like you know i'm gonna read um read no i'm just saying i'm gonna read the invisible man because i want to know about you know the black they'll read an invisible book so here's the deal white trash are solid good dope people yeah the fabric of fabric of America I'm just saying you you know one you know when you see him yeah who else is gonna work at the jiffy lube who else is gonna get you that big plush doll when you knock over a few blocks with a right you can't you're not gonna do that right i mean pete might actually be the guy that does something like that yeah don't you think pete in an alternative life would have been a guy that worked at six flags i'll tell you why not because this is the first time when i was because he picked us up so i had to listen to these two talk in the front.
She was asleep on the way back. We were tired.
We were exhausted. And I literally – Pete just kind of piqued my interest because he was talking about like Sergi Leone films and like – you know what I mean? And he was always recommending me good movies and why movies are great.
And then he was like, I went to film school, which I did not know, did you?

That's how all these guys met, right?

Didn't you meet in film school?

Didn't you meet George in film school?

No, I met George previous job like 10 years ago. Oh, at Maker.

At Maker.

At Maker, yeah.

But Maker was a collection of guys

that all went to similar film schools

in the same kind of network of people, right?

Where'd you go to film school?

So I went to UC Santa Barbara,

but they went fancy. George went to the real one.
You went to a bullshit ass one up in fantasy town, Santa Barbara. What directors came from UC Santa Barbara? I couldn't name you one.
Polanski, I think. Didn't Roman Polanski? Fancy, did anybody super famous come out of your school? Catherine Bigelow.
Catherine Bigelow. Yes, who else? James Magnol.
Wow. That's actually, like, are you making this up? Or do you know this to be true? I know this to be true.
And who else is from there? Andres Rosende. Of course.
Who will unequivocally become one of the best directors of our generation. I put my fucking name on it right now.
I hope so. Ship Station!

Oh my god, I love online shopping, buddy.

You do. And we have an online shopping business here at Bad Friends.
Right here. We got merch on Bad Friends

and we gotta put out some new merch soon and when we do

we use Ship Station!

With Ship Station, you'll never worry about

shipping again, Andrew. Never.
Make the switch

to a solution that handles all your shipping needs

quickly, affordably, and painlessly.

They're already trusted by over 100,000

e-commerce sellers. Keep track of your orders from any sales

channel. Easily find the best shipping carrier with

Thank you. a solution that handles all your shipping needs quickly, affordably, and painlessly.
They're already trusted by over 100,000 e-commerce sellers. Keep track of your orders from any sales channel.
Easily find the best shipping carrier with deeply discounted rates. You can automate just about any shipping task with just a few click, click, click, clicks.
Manage every order, Amazon, eBay, Etsy, or your own website from anywhere, even your freaking phone. Even your freaking phone? No more headaches from dealing with returns and return tracking.
ShipStation makes it easy. I'm telling you, we've used this.
We like it. No wonder 98% of companies that use ShipStation for a year keep using it for as long as they're in business.
That is unbelievable. That's that good, Bob.
That's incredible. Tell them how they can get a good discount on ShipStation.
Well, use our offer code, BadFriends, and get a 60-day free trial. That's two months, right? That is.
One, two, three. Yeah, you're right.
Free, no hassle, stress-free shipping. Just go to ShipStation.com.
ShipStation.com. Click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in bad friends.
ShipStation, make ship happen. BetterHelp.
Oh, I use this thing. I love it so much.
I love BetterHelp. It's wonderful.
Look, relationships take work. A lot of us are going to drop anything, go out of our way to help someone we care about.
But how do you treat yourself? Do you care about yourself, Bob? Because self-care is important. Do you know why I love myself? I hated myself.
But during the pandemic, I accessed BetterHelp. Yeah.
And it changed my life, dude. Therapy did change your life.
And that's why we're advocates for it on this show. We're big mental health advocates for taking care of you.
You take care of yourself when you hit the gym. You have time for a haircut.
You're trying to eat healthy. Go to Magic Mountain.
You go to Magic Mountain with your friends, but you need to take care of your head up here. BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist.
You don't have to leave the comfort of your own home. It is more affordable, Andrew, than in-person therapy, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours.
How many days is that? I think that's two.

Two days.

I'm not good with time.

Yeah.

Give it a try and see why over 2 million people have used BetterHelp Online Therapy.

This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Bad Friends listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash badfriends.

That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash badfriends.

I'm white rubbish, which is fancy trash. Because you said something at Magic Mountain that kind of triggered me.
It triggered me. What did I say? You go, keep up, guys! And we're only like 50 feet behind you.
I wanted to get out. I know, but it's just like, and I turned to someone and I go, this fool wants kids? Imagine! That's how I, and you know what? My kids would be in front of me.
They'd walk in front of me like good kids. Yeah, but just miserable.
Well, you're slogging along behind with your fucking jeans on, your leather shirt, and you're making someone else carry your prize because you were so lazy you couldn't do it. I carried it for like 10 feet.
10 minutes. What the fuck? It took us six minutes to leave.
And then your sister, who I love, by the way, is the opposite of opposite of you and she's here in the studio give her a round of applause boo your sister's here and she's great they came with they came with us had quite a day she volunteered to carry my prize yeah everybody enables your fucking behavior that's the problem i didn't go can you help me i was just struggling with it i understand that understand. That's what it is.
You put this on and you go... Make it obvious that it's heavy.
By the way, it's not heavy. Pick it up, Rudy, with one hand.
Go ahead, pick it up with one hand. There you go.
Not heavy. She's fucking jacked, by the way.
What do you mean? Strong. Look at her arm.
Dude, flex your fucking muscle. I'm not.
It's like a toothpick. So let's say this.
Not only did Rudy kill it on the challenges of going on three, she wanted to go on more. If we stayed longer, you would have gone on Goliath.
You said you would have gone on it. No.
No, not Superman. I wasn't going to make you go on Superman, although I'm fucking pissed you didn't go on that with me.
So that's the one I don't think I'd ever want to go on. Why? It's so fun.
Because I don't like going all the way up. No, it doesn't do that.
It goes to the top and it clicks. No, it doesn't.
It goes up and then gravity pulls it right back down. So you don't slowly go up and then get dropped? Well, you go super fast and then it goes until it can't go anymore.

Yeah. And then you drop back down.
And then how many

times does it do it? Twice.

I think it's only two times.

Is it only one time? Even better.

You know what? I promise you the next

time I'm there. We go together again? I'll do

it again. Tomorrow morning.
Can we go? No.

But she wants to go back, right?

Would you go back?

Yeah, but not this week. Maybe next year.
All right, this week. Let's go later this week.
Next year. The only reason Rudy could go is because she was on spring break.
While other kids are out doing bumps, partying at Lake Havasu. You know what I mean? Motorboating tits, doing backflips off of rocks.
You were with your uncles, your... What do you call those guys to them? I don't know.
Acquaintances? What do you call them? Well, she calls them. You call us Titos, and what are they? They can be cuyas.
Cuyas? Is that aunts? No, they're brothers and sisters. Like older brother.
Oh, okay. See, we were uncles.
Yeah. And I don't like being called Tito, so I said call me Mr.
Lee from now on, because she won't do it. No, we it no we're titos you want to be a tito i love it i think it's such an term of endearment that she's given us but check it i know what we can do though one time i went to magic mountain and david cho's friend had bought it out oh right i would do that how much does that cost i't know, but I would love to do one with a bunch of comedy comedians.

Honestly?

Yeah.

You probably have to do it at night, right?

You have to do like-

It was at night.

Yes, that makes sense.

And all the rides were open.

What does it cost to rent out Six Flags Magic Mountain?

I would 100% do that.

Yeah, but it seems like it's 100 grand.

No way.

Yeah.

Really?

The employees getting all the machines to be working?

I think so, man.

Every ride was open.

A hundred grand an hour.

A hundred grand for an hour.

Yeah.

So if, holy shit.

We do three hours.

300 grand?

Do you want to start a GoFundMe to see if we could do it?

This is what we do.

We do a GoFundMe, right?

And we do a bad friends party. And then, okay, check this out.
Yeah. We do a GoFundMe.
Yeah. And anyone that contributes more than $100 is obviously invited.
Really? Yeah. $250.
$500. $500.
$500 you're invited. Okay, you heard it here.
If you donate $1,000 per person. $300,000.

Pay for the whole thing.

Let me tell you something.

Yeah, yeah.

If we have a rich Saudi prince that watches the show,

wherever you are, I know you're out there.

Please do this for us, and we'll do anything for you.

And I mean anything.

Yeah, we'll do a show.

We'll do anything.

If a Saudi prince said, I'll give you the money, but you have to come and be my fuck slave. Yeah.
Would you do it? I would say- What was that accent? Your mom can fucking fuck me with her clit. A Saudi clit fucking? Yeah.
What if this Saudi prince bumped into you somewhere and was like, come back to Saudi with me and be my princess i give you a hundred million dollars he seems cute there you go that's all it takes right but once they heard the number you're not allowed to drive women can't drive in saudi river can they still not drive no i think they just were allowed to a couple years ago they just got changed you can only drive like a scooter or something but if you if you like stutter or misstep anything verbally they're allowed to stone you to death in the streets yeah if you make one mistake they can kill you chew gum and you thought i was gonna be a princess yeah but even princesses have to pay yeah you know what i mean can i sleep all day oh yeah that's a good thing yeah she would probably i guess that's kind of what they like. He would probably forget about her.
Yeah, I have other girls. Yeah, I have other girls.
You're not my only princess. And he might like walk into a room 10 years later and go, oh, you're still here.
Oh, good, still here. Yeah, yeah.
And she's just sleeping. Yeah.
Did you know that Kim Jong-il's dad, okay. Sick, Kim Jong-sick.
So not Kim Jong-il, sick. Yeah, Kim Jong-sik.
He was watching some Korean movie, right? And he goes, I want her. I want her.
So he just captured her and his favorite director. And then just, because he wanted to start his own film business.
Because you know the uns and the ills and they all love film, right? And she just had to do his movies out there for like years. That's all it takes, huh? He just captured her.
She was just like, you know, at her court. Is she free now? She's free.
Now, this is in the early 70s or whatever. Oh, right.
It's Un's father. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it was a while back, but it's just unbelievable, these people. But that's the, I could see you doing that if you were a dictator.
Oh I would do all kinds

of shit dude. You would be a bad boy.

Oh yeah I would have like Julia Child

and Tom Hardy and I'd just be like just fuck.

Just watch them fuck. Yeah yeah

and I would like just

I'd just have mayonnaise and just put it on my body

while they're doing it.

And I would just slip like you know I have

a slip with mayonnaise like a slips and slide.

A slip and slide. Yeah while they're fucking I just slip slips.
Hey have a slip with mayonnaise. Like a slips and slide.
A slip and slide. A mayo slips and slide.

Yeah, motherfucking.

I just slip, slips.

Hey.

Just go right back.

Yay.

My mansion would be made out of Vicodin.

Oh, so you'd just pick a wall off?

Or just lick it.

Just in the morning?

That hurts.

You know what I mean?

What else would I do?

I would have like X2.

X2 inside the house.

In the house.

The roller coaster inside the house. Yeah, and I would never use it.
What would be in your water fountain? What liquid would be in your water fountain? Blood. Blood? You want to drink blood? What would be in your water fountain, your fancy palace? I want, can it be Nutella? Oh, a Nutella water fountain.
Very cool. Nutella.
Not practical, but I like it. Yeah.
You're going to have to clean those lines constantly. But that's not your fucking problem.
You're a princess. Yeah.
What else would you like in your castle that this Saudi prince is going to give you? Harry Styles. Where? Just he has to be there at all times? Yeah.
He needs to perform. Every day? Right.
Every day. What time does Harry need to perform? I wake up at 12, so maybe at 2 p.m.
Because I have to get ready. You want to get ready.
Okay, so if you were a princess, okay,

you capture Harry Styles, right?

And now you know that you capture, he can't leave.

He's really bummed to be there, by the way,

because he wants to go on tour.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

I can pay him.

He has enough money, man. He's got so much money.

He's not poor.

Then why is he sad?

That's a point of view. That's an interesting thing.
She's right. Why is he sad? Harry, why is he sad? That's a point of view.

That's an interesting thing.

She's right.

Why is he sad?

Harry, why are you sad?

Money doesn't make you happy.

Yeah.

Look at Bob.

Yeah.

What?

Look at me.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm so sad.

I'm going to cry right now.

So he doesn't want to be there, right?

So he's in a separate room.

And then one night, you're just like, what are you going to do to make love to him?

Does he have to have sex with you every day?

Yeah, but he can also have sex with other people.

I want a mold of Harry's dick.

I think we can make that happen.

We can make that happen now.

Just in case he escapes.

See if we can buy a mold of Harry Styles penis online and get this. By the way, you don't even know what he has.
He could have a fucking horrific penis. You know nothing about Harry Styles penis.
They said, the fan said that he has a seven inch penis. Who? What fan knows this? Crazy obsessed fans.
How would they know? They've never seen his dick. Oh, there's his penis.
See, it's long. It's long, but it's skinny mini.
It's so long. But I don't like the color, but it's fine.
You don't like it because it's white? Yeah. Yeah.
What color penis would you like Harry Styles to have? He's a white guy. Maybe a little bit brown.
Do a matte black, you know what I mean? Wrap on it, like a car. Yeah, do a matte black.
Do a matte black. Wrap his dick.
Matte brown. Matte brown.
Get his cock tinted. There's a tint guy that did windows.

They'll do 10% tints, I'm sure, on his dick for $150.

Or just take him to the Philippines.

All you guys are brown, right?

Just go to a nude beach.

Go to a nude beach and make him tan his penis.

Is that really his penis?

I don't think that's true.

Is this a bit?

Yeah, yeah.

No, see, that's a bit.

This is a bit.

Who's that guy?

That's not him.

That's not Harry Styles.

See, none of these are him. This is all fake.
That's a really good penis, though. That? That's not that nice of a penis.
It's a sitcom penis. By the way, when we peed today in the urinals, Bobby went to the little one that was low to the ground.
Yeah. And it was so cute.
It was like such a sweet little moment. Because I said you were making fun of me.
There we are right there. Look at us.
Look at me and my little prince. Look at how cute that is.
And that's a perfect height for your little penis. I don't look human, huh? Neither do I.
I look like a big orange leprechaun in my little fucking Asian troll that I brought along. Yeah.
We are cartoon people. We're not real.
I'm from the never ending story, you know, some sort of creature. It ended, trust me, it ended a couple of years ago.
What? Your story. I have a question.
Please. In Six Flags, people like to take pictures of Tito Bobby even though they don't know him.
Why? Because they know who we are, and then they just know that he's a comic that's famous, but they don't remember his name. That happens a lot.
Yeah, like these guys don't know. They know, but they don't know.
Yeah, happens a lot that's yeah like these guys don't know they know but they don't know yeah but the worst is they go like one guy will know and then he'll go why are you doing this and he's a famous comedian and then they'll get in but then it feels weird but it's always like really young guys young guys because they've seen us maybe on something like on Instagram or TikTok or a clip on YouTube or even a TV show. Yeah.
And they just don't remember where, but they know you're famous. They're not real fans necessarily.
Well, they're fans, but they're not going to go buy a ticket to see you live. But they like you.
But if I go, what have I done? They wouldn't be able to tell you. No, you're right.
Do you not like that when someone comes up and does that? does that does it bother you no it's just weird because they keep asking what's your um t-t-bobby's name but they want to take a picture of it it is weird and normally I honestly normally I if they don't know who I am and they go who are you I know you're somebody I and they want a photo I usually don't do it I never do that but I've been doing it lately because I'm just trying to be nice to people no but if they don't know who i am they usually don't ask for a photo but they know who you they know who i am but they don't know who i am they usually don't get to the photo part like one time we were in boston my sister was with us and some guy is crossing the street and he goes hey what are you in i hate that oh my god and then i'm just You asked me that. Same thing.
Hey, what are you in? I was just in your mother.

Mike? what are you in I hate that oh my god and then I'm asking me the same thing hey what are you in I was just in your mother Mike he knows who you are immediately no I just don't think you're allowed to do you don't you're not like and I've had fans come and say this to me before people are like oh I know you don't like when fans come I've never said I don't like when fans don't when come up to me I've never said that all I've is, don't be mean or rude. And I would love to take a photo.
I just don't like when someone comes up and is like, when somebody grabs you. Oh, I get grabbed a lot.
I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like it either.
Don't grab me. That's so fucking weird.
I get grabbed a lot. People pick me up.
You know what the coolest one is? Yeah. When somebody comes up to you and just goes, hey man, I love your stuff.
I love it. And then they like disappear into the night.
I love that. I's so cool but i don't mind i love taking pictures i just think like just don't be mean just don't be like i don't like when someone's get drunk drunk or tough because then they think you owe them something take a photo and you're like hold on one second you're having a conversation with this story it happens all the time yeah i'm always like i'm always like hold on one second yeah and they're like on man and you're like dude I'm talking to somebody that's so fucking rude

especially there

because

it's kind of like

our home in a sense

it is our home

and we see friends

and family

you know

that's what it feels like

and some people

can be intrusive

yeah

just be cool about it

have you been

have you had fans

come up to you

at Six Flags

no

there were guys

yelling at us

at the rides

but she doesn't

like for instance

she's been on some dates

with some guys

from college

and what not Thank you. to you at Six Flags? No.
There were guys that were yelling at us at the rides. But she doesn't, like for instance, she's been on some dates with some guys from college and whatnot, right? Excuse me? And yeah, and- She knows how weird I am.
I don't like that. You gotta clear past me, pal.
Her last date, he shows up in this green, bluish car, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Was it a nice car? It was, it's like an old one. For a 19-year-old kid, year old kid it's nice right yeah and i was on the balcony and i was just watching him and she's getting ready and just staring at him and he looks up and he goes he just looks at me and i go and he goes like this but he had no idea you know i mean but what i'm wondering is when they ask you what you do do you never say bad friends you never say nobody knows that she's on a podcast that's not true I bet you some of those guys do know that you're on bad friends but they ask me and I just say my uncle does some kind of finance and they say oh okay yeah well I'm a financer imagine pulling up to their house everyone at home, and seeing this guy on the balcony and being like, that guy does finance? Holy fuck.
Yeah, there's no way. Yeah, what bank is hiring you? Yeah, he has a human trafficking business.
Yeah, 100% there's someone in that guy's basement. Or he's a comedian, either one.
Or same, or you have both. I have both, yeah.
No, there's finance.

You got to make up a new job for Tito Bobby.

Make what?

Artist.

You say artist.

No, I'll just, I'll be your.

So, hey.

So, what do you do for fun?

Do you have any hobbies?

I like to free dive.

Oh, you free dive.

That's cool.

That really weird looking guy.

That's your uncle?

Yeah, he's my uncle.

Yeah.

What does he do?

He's an artist. Yeah, he's my uncle.
Yeah. What does he do? He's a,

he's an artist.

He paints stuff.

Cool.

Cool.

Valid.

I believe every second.

Can I look at some of his stuff?

Why?

Just don't.

Just don't.

Weird.

Okay.

You got to sell this a little bit better.

Yeah.

But why would they want to see though?

Because what if they want to see art?

What if they love art?

If you say art,

they're going to always ask.

The next question is,

I don't, I'm not an artist. You're fucking lying.
Sorry. My point is, is this.
Give me another one. Hey, so what does your uncle do? My uncle does spearfishings.
Whoa. And that I believe.
There's no way to prove that. Yeah, there's no way to prove that.
Where does he go spearfishing? In Hawaii. Oh, sick.
So he makes a living. He lives in this nice house and just makes a living off of just spearfishing fish? Yeah, he just goes there for like weekends.
That's what he does for a living. Yeah.
How does he make money spearfishing? Because he's not a commercial like I could see if he had like a commercial fishing business, but spearfishing is one at a time. Yeah.
So how is he making fucking money killing one fish at a time? He gets five fish a day and he's making fucking money? Like how is this working? He has a group. There's like tiny people.
Oh, so they're like kind of like an army of spear fishers. Okay, so then it's 100 fish a day.
It doesn't seem like you're making enough money. Yeah, yeah.
But they catch like really big fish. With a spear by hand? By hand.
I see. Like how many pounds? He's really good.
How many pounds? He's really good. Like 150.
150 pound fish. Oh, so your uncle's Aquaman.
That's what you're saying. I mean, upstart.
Andrew, what would you do if you didn't have high interest loans or credit card debt? Life would be a little bit easier, I'll tell you that. With upstart, my friend, you can pay off your existing debt quickly and easily and start living your life, buddy.
Get out of town. If you're carrying a credit card balance month after month, it can feel like you're in a never-ending cycle of debt with no end in sight.
Upstart can help you make the final payment so you can get ahead, Andrew. Financial freedom is what I'm looking for.
And Upstart is the fast and easy way to pay off your credit card debt with a personal loan all done online. Bob and I have both been in credit card debt, him severely than mine.
I use Upstart. But Upstart, it helps.
Rather than looking at credit score alone, Upstart considers other factors like your income, current employment, and credit history to find you a smarter rate for your loan. You can check your rate without impacting your credit score in minutes.
For loans between $1,000 and $50,000 now, let me tell you something. If you're $50,000 in debt, you should probably use this and make some lifestyle changes.
Find out how Upstart Go ahead. Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com slash bad friends.
That's upstart.com slash bad friends. Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you.
Loan amounts will be determined based on credit card income and certain other information provided on your loan application. Upstart.com slash bad friends.
Buffy, the nicest thing you've ever done for me. God bless.
God bless. You said you got to check out this comforter.
Remember a couple of years ago? I gave it to you. I said, you got to use this.
Right. And that's the only comforter.
We have to keep washing it because it's the only comforter we love. And it's from Buffy.
Buffy. It's the most comfortable thing.
It's like you're putting a cloud on top of you. Well, hey, coincidentally enough, the cloud comforter is what it's called.
It's covered in super soft eucalyptus fabric and filled with fluffy fiber made from 100% recycled bottles. You know, when you drink a bottle and you throw it away? They took it, made it a bed.
It's softer than cotton and naturally soothes the skin. That's what I, my skin is so soothy.
Let me see. Yeah, touch it.
Oh man. It's sustainable.
Eucalyptus uses 10 times less water than cotton to grow and its fiber is produced using recyclable earth-friendly solvents. It's hypoallergenic.
Okay, it's machine washable.

There's so many great things about it

inside of these things.

It's 100% recycled water bottles

that transform,

given a second life,

as a super fluffy fiber.

It's keeping approximately 50 bottles

out of landfills and oceans.

And that's amazing.

Basically, they're helping planet Earth.

They're helping the planet Earth.

So don't you want to help yourself

and the planet Earth?

All right.

Okay, so for $20 off your Buffy comforter, visit buffy.co and enter the code bad friends for twenty dollars off your buffy comforter visit buffy.co and enter bad friends i like it i believe and you know what i believe it yeah interesting you started somewhere good with a thing that nobody could trace yeah spearfisher but not a not a lucrative thing yeah so let's try to find something lucrative that people would buy. It's okay.
If you fail, it's fine. What does your uncle do? My uncle does.
Right? We're already. Yeah.
She's lying. You're lying.
Because, you know what I mean? You're, um. You know what you could say? What? Crypto.
Crypto? Okay. Say he mines.
But I don't know anything about crypto.'s find out Let's find out What does your uncle do?

He does crypto

Oh sick

So sick

That's cool

By the way

We're the two dudes in the car

Yeah yeah yeah

We just wanted to know

If you're cool with a double date

Yeah yeah yeah

Cool?

Yeah

Yeah

Okay

So um

Yo so

I mean how does

So he has his own crypto

Financing

What does he do with crypto?

He sells

He mines it

Thank you. Yo, so I mean, how does So he has his own crypto Financing What does he do with crypto? He sells He mines it Buy Mine Yeah He mines it Oh, he mines it Yeah Oh, so do you guys have a bunch of like those sick servers Like in your house? Yeah Yeah Can I see it? Can we see it? Yeah, if you want What the fuck are you gonna do when they get in there and you don't have servers in the house okay let's do it again what does your uncle do my uncle does crypto oh oh wow did he just invent i mean yeah what is he he mines it he mines crypto yeah he mines it so wait do you guys have one of those like crypto farms here at the house no it's in another place that oh you can't tell us because it's i get it totally cool yeah should we just go yeah where are we going movies and then we're paying afterwards no good fucking answer that's what i like to hear and say no when it when a guy says, hey, are we going to hook up afterwards? What do you say? No, we're not.
Good. Say fuck no, bitch.
And I've always told you. Say it to me.
If he says, say we're going to bang and say. You think we're going to bang later? Fuck no, bitch.
Hell yeah. That's what I want to hear.
Check that bitch. And I've always said to her, all right, it's just you never give it away.
What? I've always said that to her. What do you mean? You got to sell it? No, no, no.
Don't give it away. You got to sell it.
No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying. What P.J.
Bobby's saying, and I agree. I'm sweating now.
You don't get what I'm saying. I agree.
You got to get money in exchange for sex. That's what we're saying.
No, what I'm saying is that you're giving yourself, it's a prized possession. Don't give it away for free.
Right what we're saying you gotta sell it let them work for it right make it a job no no no that's not what I'm saying I can't I don't understand what you're saying what I'm saying is that just stay a virgin huh yeah too late but don't they have born again virginsgins? You can be born-again Christian. You can't reverse virginity.
You've heard of born-again virgins, right? You can't reverse virginity. I know, but it's guys that say, I did fuck, but now I'm not doing it, so I'm born-again.
It's in your fucking head, I guess. Yeah, born-again virgins, see? A person who, after having engaged in sexual intercourse, makes some type of commitment to be sexually, not to be sexually active again.
Yeah, but they're just, it's just a thought. It's not physical.
They can't change the idea that once you've had sex, you've had sex. Right, but if, that's right.
And you haven't, I know you're a virgin for people at home. Yeah, yeah.
You would never, and you're going to wait till marriage. Isn't that what we said? Yeah.
Good. Way to sell that fucking line.
That was almost what my Tito does for a living. Yeah.
Yeah. But do you understand what I'm saying to you is that I love you, right? And I just don't want anyone to take advantage of you or anything like that.
Well, yeah, of course. That's why I taught her to say, when somebody says, are we going to hook up? You say, fuck no, bitch.
Also, she did something growing up today that was really grown up. She broke my Prius, right? I didn't break your Prius.
Well, the Prius broke down in your watch. Because of you.
Okay. It's been in the shop, right? And it's going to cost a couple of grand for the fixings, right it'll just come out of her and i said i couldn't because i have to it's embarrassing but i still every time i have to do any purchase over 2000 i have to talk to my money guy and i just bought a brand new car so tomorrow i was gonna go let's just get the car tomorrow and she goes no i'll take care of it so she take took care of the fucking really that is really fucking i am gonna pay you back but she took care of it that's really grown up but you're getting a new car so is she getting the prius yeah yeah are you excited yeah are you gonna get a deep cleaned maybe maybe put some huh they fix the hood yeah wow i think you should get it has it been cleaned since no you want to you can i Can I get it to a guy that can fully detail it for you? That can make it like super, super nice and clean? We should steam clean the seats and I don't know, bless it with sage.
You should get all that negative bullshit out of there. All that old Asian driving.
I can still smell poo in there. There's definitely smell poo.
I can get a guy that can get the poo smell right out of there. Okay.
Do you really smell poo in there? I'll be honest. Yeah.
I've only pooed in it one time.

Once is enough.

No, it is.

When you shit in a car.

Yeah, yeah.

Most people have never shit in a car.

Okay, but can I say this?

The majority of people have never shit in a car.

So one poo is one poo too many, bud.

Okay, bud.

All right.

Well, you don't have any plastic bags.

Get out.

Am I a dog?

Get out. No, I was on.
Just listen to what I'm saying. Get out.
You poop outside. I was on the 101, right? It was traffic.
This is pre-pandemic. Well, even more time to get out.
There's bumper to bumper. Right.
Bumper to bumper. I couldn't.
First of all, I don't have one of those shit attacks that's like, oh, well, I can 18.5 minutes not me it's a white guy obviously right whatever yo man i can't hold this for 18.5 minutes is that better spanish guy go ahead so um anyway i i'm one of those it's like if i have to go i have to go now right your body right now in that situation i looked around i pulled over the side of the freeway so you were pulled over and you still elected to shit inside the vehicle where do you do it in the middle on the side of the you get out you open the door yeah you get out and you hide between the door and the car and you shit i didn't do that because i don't want people to see my asshole and diarrhea coming out so you'd rather have strangers you're never going to see again see you pooping in an emergency situation or i'm a public figure or i'm verified or yeah poop in the vehicle that you own that's yours and then live with it but all right stop stranger sees bobby lee pooping bobby lee driving home with poop inside of his own car but let me defend myself you get my logic it's the only one there is there isn't because i'm going to say this okay do you think that i can afford something better than the car that i had of course right but i always have told my people i'm not getting a new car until i shit in the one no that's not what i'm saying i'm just saying get me a terrible like they you know a nice car but like cheap right the cheapest you can get so that i can just bang it up and i can smoke in it and i can throw shit around burritos and whatnot right and so what am i getting now i'm getting a nice audi tell yeah a 5 take a pull up a picture of what he's gonna do and we're gonna wrap it black i'm gonna wrap it black but right can i say this yeah i do want to put a bad friend symbol on the car okay i want to it's your car but i want it there's an audi if i bring up black audi a5 so that's what i'm getting all right a four-door black audi also matt blackett say put matt black on top right so that's what i'm getting right so i'm not gonna shit in this car look at that's bobby lee's new car that's my new car it looks like a bat Batman car it does look like a Batman car that's why I like it right it's got like a you know see that's nicer than my car right so I'm gonna get that way nicer that's coming tomorrow or Friday I'm so excited I'm so excited Bob I cannot wait for you to get a new fancy car but the reason why I'm getting that car is because I no longer want to behave the way we want I don't want to shit in my car anymore I don't want to put sunflower seeds all over the phone. Glue, you know I had a glue thing.
I know. The Elmer's glue thing that I had.
I remember. So if you look in the Prius, there's glue and poo and all kinds of stuff.
And I'm changing my behavior. So five years ago, when you see my Audi, it's going to look like shit.
Yeah, there's going to be poop in it. It's going to be on fire.
You do know that poop has... Poop audi has uh has like an assist where if you're stuck on the side of the road and anything goes wrong you can call them and they'll come oh really so let's say you did get shit on your seats yeah you call audi yeah we're on our way because the germans yeah and they get out there and they'll clean up the poop right there and get you back on your wow back on your that's wonderful that's what i need it's good customer service i love it so that's the car i'm gonna get and i'm very excited about it but you said that you have a guy i'm i'm i have the guy that's gonna met because it doesn't your car comes black you want a matte finish so we're gonna have to yeah we're gonna have to we're gonna have to take it to my guy to give you a matte yeah i want a matte how long does that take a week no he can get it done in a couple days oh that'd be good you'd move to the top of the list yeah for list.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.
Yeah. I can't wait.
If I said Bobby Lee wants his car wrapped.

Yeah, that's what I want.

You're gonna have to give him a photo and all that shit.

No, let me ask you this, right?

I was thinking about doing red rims.

I don't know.

A little too much?

Are they black right now?

I don't know.

I haven't seen it yet.

You bought a car and never saw it?

Well, I Googled it.

You didn't physically see it in person?

You just said, I'll take it?

Whatever they had? I Googled it. I looked at what you just did who got it for you clinton yeah so clinton said bobby i'm i've got you your your 8 000 year old fucking business manager yeah it's like bobby i got you a new car and you're like great what is it and he's like audi a5 okay i want to say something about Clinton.
And you're like, Clinton, that's great. And he's like, it's a 1979 Audi A5.
Okay, I want to say that Clinton. You're going to get it tomorrow.
And the seats are pre-treated for poop. Let me say something.
I like Clinton. Very nice guy.
Right, he, I'm just saying just saying there's a lot of rmb huge stars that he does too what the fuck does that have to do with anything i'm just saying you know how doc is like black magic this is so funny this is bobby's roundabout way of saying i have a black business manager because you want to brag that he's black no i going to say that like they just have a way of doing things.

Who's they?

Magical blacks.

Black magics?

Yeah, black magics.

So you think black people in general have a way about doing things?

That's what?

No, not all black people.

Black magics.

Not everyone's a black magic.

Magic Jones is a black magic.

That's in his name.

Name a black guy that isn't black magic then.

Brian Moses.

He is.

He is a magic little creature. He is? Yeah, he's a black magic.
I i didn't know that i've never seen his powers okay so show me another guy um as far as i'm concerned every black guy has black magic yeah the guy from the green mile yeah yeah he gets rid of his herpes or whatever so what i'm saying is i call him and i go this is what i want and he goes premium no what's upper platinum i go what's the highest thing i think it's platinum i go that's what I want. And he goes, premium? No, what's up? Platinum? I go, what's the highest thing? I think it's platinum.
I go, that's what I want. Two door, four door.
I go, four door. Done.
You'll be in your house in two days. So it's paid off cash.
Yeah. But let me ask this.
Yeah. That's black magic.
A white guy is like, wow, we're going to have to lease it. But we'll have to look around what the best deal is.
I don't want that. You know what I mean? I want it now.
To get ripped off. Yeah.
You want to get ripped off. Fucking your thousand-year-old manager called Audi and was like, we don't care about the price.
And they were like, sell this fucking idiot a car over 20 grand over a sticker. Is it expensive? No, it's not as expensive as your car.
Your car is double. That's not true.
Bring up the Nissan Cube and see how much it costs. Bring up the Nissan Cube and we'll show you how much I have.
I just want to say, right? How much is a Nissan Cube? Because when I bought it, 2014 is when the last, that's when they discontinued it. And when I bought my Cube, I think I paid.
Oh, that's interesting. Let me see a picture of a cube.
That doesn't look like your car. That doesn't look like your car.
Yeah, maybe you have the upgrade of the user of the cube. The fuck it doesn't.
Because your car is just like $120,000 Mercedes. First of all.
Yeah, yeah. The windows are black on my cube.
That's why it looks different. You don't have a fucking cube.
Yes, I do have a cube. That's a fucking lie.
I have a cube. And you have also different cars.

Today you had a different car?

No, I have a Jeep.

That's my wife's Jeep.

Yeah.

No, but I've seen you with other cars, right?

Have you not?

I've seen you in a Ferrari.

In a Ferrari.

That's not my car.

It's your car, dude.

That's not my car.

I don't own a fucking Ferrari.

Yeah.

I wish.

Let me tell everyone.

Andrew has a way. Because I, listen, thank you for listening to Bad Friends.
And thank you for supporting us, right? But, you know, Andrew has had a couple of good years, right? And he has some nice things. Why can't you say that? Don't be embarrassed.
But I got nice cars before this. I always loved cars.
That's what I spent my money on was cars.

And that's why I wanted the cube.

I'm a cube dog.

I'm a cube dog for life.

Everybody knows I am cube guy.

Yeah.

What the fuck does Fancy listen to when he goes home?

What do you think he listens to in the car?

La la la la bamba.

La la la la bamba.

Necesito.

Una poca de gracia.

And then he also listens to. I have a dream too, Richie What else is he listening to? What? Tequila! What do you listen to, Fance? As an American, I listen to really good American music As an American, dude This guy is really fucking calling our...
It's been good You know what he said today? Two he's like already fucking an asshole. We made a couple of jokes while we were walking around Six Flags.
Yeah, yeah. And he literally goes, you can't do that to me.
I'm an American. He's so cocky now, dude.
It's nuts. And we can revoke your fucking citizenship.
Trust me. Pete, can you get this done? Yeah, I got you.
Good. He also said like he was in the car.
He was just like, I'm still working on the movie. Is our movie?

They have the movie.

Yeah, so these fuckers are supposed to write us a movie.

These guys went to film school.

We want to do a bad friend's fucking movie.

Where is the script?

Where is the script?

It's coming.

Who's writing it?

Carlos and I.

Okay.

Proper English too, Carlos and I.

Yeah.

See, this guy, he's really catching up

and he's Rudy in it right

it's about is it the island movie

is it bottoms of turtle island

it's the making of bottoms of turtle island

the making of the movie

it's the making of the beginning

you put up new art by the way

thank you for all the new great art

it's good to see this

I don't know if we can get a shot of George

do you remember this when we shot him with the BB gun

that was like one of my favorite fucking bits that we ever did

because we had all these fans names

and they were gonna win something

what did they win like a shirt or a I don't know what it was. Fancy shirts.
And then Rudy's are behind her by the way. That is such a cool photo.
And look at me doing exactly what I do on this show. Carrying us.
Yep. Yesterday this is what my assistant had to deal with.
So like you know I am prescribed a medication right? I want to that and i went to the rite aid viagra you can say it and they said um they said yeah this is all the pharmacies run out of this it's going to be thursday until you can get it right jesus so i had to call my and go find me some in any pharmacy and she found it

in Beverly Hills. I have a question for Bobby.

Oh, shut the fuck up.

Yeah, what's the question? What is it?

Well, if you have an assistant,

why did you call us yesterday

locked out of your house to open

your house for you? Did you

lock yourself out of the house?

Don't you guys have a fucking

you don't have physical keys, do you? you oh he's got to think about it i'm fucking no i'm furious un-fucking-believable bro i'll let you guys take it then go ahead spanish fuck i'm an american let me say something okay my assistant doesn't have a key to my house why you know who does george he's like your assistant right so george for anything like get me red bull he'll come bring me red bull yeah i know right yeah he's your bitch yeah okay yeah he is but wait a minute your assistant should have your key that's someone that's she just started two weeks ago i haven't gotten around to that yet you know you know who can go make a copy of your key who your fucking assistant fucking assistant all right she'll do that this weekend but my point is that george has my fucking key right yeah and he sends his minions over what's the big deal were you there were you the one that came over with my fucking key you spanish fuck but i seriously want people to we're gonna do a go fund me to rent out magic mountain i'm being real the problems in the world, do you think we need money to rent out fucking Six Flags? Guys, fuck donating to Children's Foundations, Cancer. Fuck Ukraine.
Can you please donate so we can rent out Six Flags? In fact, I'm on board. Fuck the world.
It's already over. Can we rent out Six Flags, please, with your help? Rudy was...
Rudy was... I love you, Rudy Jules.
You did such a great job today. You were so so brave you went on every fucking shitty ride that we made you go on and uh I gotta tell you I was really proud anyway thank you for being back when white people do this I'm just saying no I want to know this to white people is this to Japanese so when a white girl goes is.
When a white girl goes like this, it's a Japanese girl. They both do.
Same thing. What is this? A table? I'm so sweet.
Are you underwater? I always imagine this is water. You're drowning? No.
It's like an old picture from JCPenney, is that what it is? What about when white girls do this? Ooh, that's a big dick. Oh, that's what it is.
That's a big dick. So they see Chris Spencer's dick.
Oh, that's a big dick. What about an Asian dick? I see.
That's what it is. Yeah.
Look at his journal. Look at my journal.
Fancy's gonna get control for taping in a bathroom.

He's gonna go to prison for videotaping young boys in a bathroom.

You're gonna take this fucking card away.

Citizenship one.

You just got citizenship.

Now you're looking to get it ripped away, man.

Fat ones, tall ones, skinny ones, thick ones, thick ones, yellow ones, bright ones, thick ones.

All right, Bob, you're up first.

No, you go first.

No, you.

All right.

I'll go if you guys go.

Yeah, you've got to work, man.

All right, back.

Oh, look at how soft this is. That's why.
Will you just get two shots? I'm not even gonna be hitting any of them. Try.
If you hit it and you'll... Yeah! Then you try again.
Or you win like that. And he wins one.
Whatever you want.

I'll take the color 4.

Oh my god!

The orange one, the orange one.

Oh my god, I'm gonna be able to get it.

That's epic. That's insane!

That's epic.

First try. First try.

He told him it's a blocky, but the blocky he won.

Aww. You almost had two in a row.
Right. Alright.
I knew it. You gotta go for the bottom.
Bobby, I can't believe you did that.

That's unreal.

Where's my orange tiger dog?

Don't you want the colorful one? Yeah. Woo.