We Rented Out Six Flags

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Speaker 2 Today we are at... Where are we, Bob? We're at Magic Mountain.
We're at Magic Mountain in six flags because Rudy wanted to go. Right, Rudy? Rudy? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you excited? No.

Speaker 2 Why? No. You gotta stand up, babe.

Speaker 2 Once you're locked in, there's just no way. You're gonna be fine.
You're gonna be totally fine. And guess what? Only, what do we say? Like four or five people a year fall out of the rides?

Speaker 2 Or they die. We're part of that.
But they also said that the deaths are over for this year. They've already, all the people that died on roller coasters already died this year.

Speaker 2 Also, because you're on a roller coaster, you get to get heaven faster. And so if you have a heart attack, you get to heaven faster.
Yeah. So when you show up to heaven, you're like, what year?

Speaker 2 You're going to throw up all of this ride. What does this say?

Speaker 2 Don't eat cheese rolls before going on ride.

Speaker 2 That was the most scary. That was so scary.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 What do you think, Jules?

Speaker 2 So scary.

Speaker 2 I thought I was going to fall. Yeah, it was fun, though.
Right? It was my fun. It was kind of fun.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you.

Speaker 2 I don't like when you're doing that. I know, but you feel fine.

Speaker 2 Dude, my beanie fell off. And I caught it in the air.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I caught my beanie in the air, so then I had to do a one-arm bend.

Speaker 2 I heard the loudest scream from your cart. Was it you? Yeah, I did.
Oh my god,

Speaker 2 when it goes upside down and you go,

Speaker 2 you didn't love that? I didn't love that. Oh my god, it was so fun.
That was so much fun. That was fun.

Speaker 2 Where do we go now? Which one do we go to the next? Don't drive me there.

Speaker 2 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. Look at this.
I have to fucking hold it. Look at what we paid.
What do we pay? 90 grand for this thing? Look at it, dude. Look at this.
Watch.

Speaker 2 Great.

Speaker 2 I know. What the fuck? This is what.
Dude, we pay these guys a bunch of money. And I was like, hey, man.
It's not their fucking fault, man. Yes, it is.
Ultima is the worst in terms of products.

Speaker 2 It's like ghetto stuff. Can I tell you, this is great.
Oh,

Speaker 2 this is great.

Speaker 4 It was Carlos's revenge.

Speaker 2 Yeah, did Carlos Carlos do this? Carlos's revenge. No, I mean, look at this thing.
That looks great. Watch, watch.
This will fall. Like, the mics, it'll just start to go off.

Speaker 2 Dude, if your attitude right now is like this. No, I'm in a good mood.

Speaker 2 What a day we had. I won a big tiger today.
I'm so excited at Six Flags. And all it took was for me to ride five roller coasters back to back to back to back to back.
Well, I like to talk about it.

Speaker 2 And they gave me a tiger right there next to Rudy Jules. And I'd like to name it because it's my tiger.
And I want to name it

Speaker 2 Noodles Noodles the Bengal tiger all right I'm really into truthisms and I'm oh trithyms trisms tryths trythems and for me I have proof we have right proof right that I won that tiger I'll tell you what happened we're at matching mountain today we'll talk about it but um and you know how they have those games that you can play.

Speaker 2 Is that what they call them? Carnival carneisms. Carnival games.
Let's see it right here. Carney games.
Carney games. Let's take a look this out.

Speaker 2 That's why. You have to throw

Speaker 2 your first try. I've never done this before, right?

Speaker 2 This was unreal. Unreal.
Look at this shit.

Speaker 2 Look at this shit right here.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 L.A. Dodgers, here I come.
Look at how excited I am.

Speaker 2 You have no idea what you just did. No, because I think I have to do it again.
Look at me.

Speaker 2 I'm like a child. I can't.

Speaker 2 You hug me. Pause it.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing.

Speaker 2 Bob had no idea. Bob thought, you have to hit it.
You must have to hit it twice. Right.
Did you think that, Rudy, or do you think if you hit it down once, you get a prize? Hit once, you get a prize.

Speaker 2 Okay, because Bobby was like not impressed. He thought, you gotta, this must be a fluke.
Well, no, because I've never won anything ever. What do you mean, you won my heart? I know, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 In terms of like carnival games. Well, I've been to Delamar Fair.
I've been to so many different carnivals. I'm a carnival guy.
You're a carny. Yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah. I'm a carney without the meth.

Speaker 2 Sometimes with the math. Yeah, sometimes with the meth.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I never won anything.

Speaker 2 And also, the cameras are on, and I'm with man, Mr. Mann, the man-man.

Speaker 2 You? No. Oh.
Because during the rides, we're like, my dick's too big for these rides. We'll get into later.
Timeout. We'll get into later.

Speaker 2 We'll get into later that your dick is too big for these rides. Some of them, yeah.
There was a couple of black dudes I saw. They were fine.

Speaker 2 Both of them came off the ride like this. Oh, baby.

Speaker 2 Shit hurt.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 it was incredible what you did. And I was like,

Speaker 2 but the guy was stunned. Yeah, so he looked right at me.
He was like, I have to go to the warehouse now and get the fucking thing. There's an old guy named Michael.
There he is right there.

Speaker 2 Let's show if it's kill of him. So, Michael, we said

Speaker 2 he couldn't believe it.

Speaker 2 Didn't get it down. Sad.
Did not get it down.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But Michael,

Speaker 2 Michael,

Speaker 2 this dude,

Speaker 2 he was so confused that Wang came up and did something. Who's Wang? You.
You know in his mind. Who's Wang?

Speaker 2 Speaking as Michael. Oh, all right, right.
Old man, white guy Michael, was like...

Speaker 2 Look at him. He's like, Wong ain't going.
Hey, Wong, you ain't going to do nothing over here.

Speaker 2 No, check this out. Our connection.
He was a prospector.

Speaker 2 And back in the day, right, he worked with Chinese people for the railroads. That's right.
Right. So we have that connection going.
So he's like,

Speaker 2 I'll build you some railroads.

Speaker 2 Chinese man. Yes.
You got dynamite detail. Go ahead, Dynamite.

Speaker 2 Did you like him, Rudy? Look at how entertained Rudy is right there in the background. Let's pinch and zoom that.
Just out. Just

Speaker 2 out of it. Yeah, let's just get me the fuck out of here.
But timeout. Let's get away from this.
Let me say, first of all, congrats. That was amazing.
And we won. And what's the name of the tiger?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Noodles, it is.

Speaker 2 No. Noodles, it is.
Dumpling?

Speaker 2 Does it have to be Asian? Well, you're Asian and it's a Bengal tiger.

Speaker 2 Because I'm Korean, bibimbop. Bimbimbop.
Bibbimbap. Bimbimbap.
Bimbimbop. So that's bib.

Speaker 2 All right. Bimbimbap.
You've had that before, haven't you? Yeah. It's like rice in a bowl with.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to tell people how magical today was. Now, let's cut to a couple of years ago, three years ago, right? Jules and her family.

Speaker 2 Fancy? What? What fancy? You don't know her mom. You don't? Yeah, her mom is.

Speaker 2 You can fart on her face and it's fine. And she likes it.
I've done it before. And she likes it.
Okay. So we take these, you know, to Disneyland, right?

Speaker 2 And they're too scared to go on Space Mountain. Oh, my God.
It's not even a real.

Speaker 2 It's not even a ride. Does it go upside down? Pete would know.
No, it doesn't even go upside down. It just goes straight.
And sometimes it goes a little bit different. Yeah, a little dip.

Speaker 2 It's like walking down a hill, going up a hill. Yeah.
You could do that hiking. It's barely hiking.
Right. And then we went to a California Dream, and is that what it's called? California Avenue.

Speaker 2 California Adventures.

Speaker 2 All right, fucking, you're an American citizen. I'm going to let you talk to me that way, okay? Calebarner Avengers.
Yeah. So

Speaker 2 they refuse to go on the Guardians of Galaxy ride. It's too scary for them.
Is it? I don't like the drop.

Speaker 5 So I was really scared.

Speaker 2 Boy, oh boy, did you get drops today, kiddo? So then two days ago, I just decide, you know, because there was a poo scandal. So at our house, there was a piece of poo in the living room.

Speaker 2 I looked at Jules and I said, clean it. She goes, you clean it.
And we did a stalemate, and it was there for days. And whose poo was it? mine

Speaker 2 that's why she didn't want to clean it it was my poo no it was one of my dog's poos i think stubbo could have been stubbo probably stubbo and i picked it up eventually it was hard as a rock it was stunk like a motherfucker and um how many days how many days had passed before the poo came probably three days yeah that's pretty seems yeah yeah and i thought i'm gonna punish her so i go we're going to magic mountain and and When I said that, it was almost as if I said to her, pick up this machine gun, you're going to Ukraine.

Speaker 2 And it was that. Her face, she was in.

Speaker 5 I couldn't sleep last night. Yeah.
I slept like at 4 a.m.

Speaker 2 Wait, why? Because you were so excited. You're scared.
Scared. And so we made an agreement.
We said,

Speaker 2 you have to go at least three rides, right? Not only did Jules go on three rides, she went on four rides. Four rides.
We all went only on four rides, and we got the fuck out of there.

Speaker 2 Did we do four or five? We did X2, Tatsu, Viper, Riddler, Riddler. That's it, right? That's it.
Four rides. We did four fucking rides.

Speaker 2 But we did, but by the way, because we had the fast pass, we did four rides in like, what, three hours? Yeah, three hours. Unbelievable timing.
Not only did you do that, you did it like a brave,

Speaker 2 a pro, an absolute professional. And I am so proud of you.
I really am. Let's give it up for Rudy Jules.
Let me ask you something, Jules. Would you go back again?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I'd go back again.

Speaker 2 You had fun.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I had fun after the first one.

Speaker 2 Okay, the first one, we did, to be fair, Bobby and I did put her on the, what is that, scariest, most intense ride. You go upside down and backwards,

Speaker 2 and it swings. It swings.
So it rotates over itself. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's called X2. X2.
X2.

Speaker 2 Sponsored by Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew's X2.
Yeah, and you did that. Are you a Jew? Jump on X2.
Yeah. And then we went, I thought the scary was Tatsu, yeah? Tatsu.
This is Tatsu. Tatsu.

Speaker 2 Like the ramen. Yeah.
And this is one of my favorite.

Speaker 2 Little, little, Little legs. Look at her little legs are shaking.
Look at her little rebox.

Speaker 2 Oh, look at her. Oh, that I love.

Speaker 2 They hang you up like a piece of clothing. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 They put you away like a shirt in a closet. And look at that, dude.
Look at that. Here we go.

Speaker 2 Unnatural. Honestly,

Speaker 2 that was the ride. Bobby said this when we got off.
You'll agree, I bet. It was the one where if an accident didn't happen, did happen, it would happen on that ride.

Speaker 2 Like it felt like the thing that was holding you in was just

Speaker 2 your shoulders. Well, you're facing planet Earth.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're facing planet Earth. It's beautiful.

Speaker 2 Planet Earth is beautiful, right? But not when you're way above it. I mean, you know, I love that stuff because I'm a weirdo.
I know. But so when you think, if this just detaches, your life is over.

Speaker 2 Imagine if this just click, clack, click, click, clack, click. Just a little two.
Two clack clacks. Click clack.
Two clack clacks. You're dead.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're slipping. Especially the skinny one.
My sister, my little sister said to me, or my sister and her best friend came with us, and my sister turned to me and she said,

Speaker 2 this is not going to come undone, right?

Speaker 2 She got real nervous. And I said, no, I promise you it won't.
But then there was a moment in my mind that I thought, that's going to be so shitty if she dies. And I promised her.
Yeah. It wouldn't.

Speaker 2 If I said, I promise you, I love you. You're my sister.
And then it does and she dies.

Speaker 2 Do I tell my parents? Would I say something? I'm going to tell your parents. Like he promised her.
He promised that she wasn't going to die. She died.
So you have a really bad son.

Speaker 2 If she would have died,

Speaker 2 I would have to face her family. But you said this, and we talked about this at the park.
Imagine the Rudy Bad Friend's funeral would be so fun. We'd throw a party.

Speaker 5 Are you going to go to the Philippines?

Speaker 2 We would have it here. I'm not going to that.
You're not going to the Philippines. But I.

Speaker 2 No, why? Why?

Speaker 6 What? What?

Speaker 5 I was born in the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you live here now. This is the real life.
This is real.

Speaker 2 That's your pre-life.

Speaker 2 That's before you started to get to live. Yeah.
You're not living there.

Speaker 5 I want my ashes to be thrown on the ocean.

Speaker 2 No, a lake. We have an ocean right here.

Speaker 6 We have a lake.

Speaker 5 In the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you something. We throw it hard enough in the Pacific Ocean, it'll get to the Philippines eventually.
Or a river that will eventually get into the ocean. I got it.
What?

Speaker 2 We'll spread some of your ashes here in California for us. We'll put the rest in a little bottle or something and put it on a boat to the Philippines.
It'll get there.

Speaker 2 They'll get to do whatever they want with it, but we won't be a part of it.

Speaker 2 So you'll get there. I also would probably relapse.
I'll relapse and do a Keith Richards. I'll mix your ashes with some cocaine.
And snort it. And snort it.

Speaker 2 What? Okay. So then you decide me.
And that's not weird. Is that weird? No.
I feel like that's not. I'll brush my teeth with you.
I'll mix you into some toothpaste now. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll shine up my rooty. Oh, I know what I'll do.
You know what I'll do?

Speaker 2 I'll go. I'll play pool and I'll use your ashes as a little cube.

Speaker 2 As the chalk, the chalk chalk. Right? What else will we do? Oh, you know what? I'll take up gymnastics and I'll use it as a powder.

Speaker 2 I'll use it as a powder and swing. Uneven bars.
Yeah. What else? You know what I'll do?

Speaker 2 I'll work at Portillo's, the bakery, and I'll mix in your ashes with the flour. The dough.
Dough. And the flour.
And we'll have a delicious, disgusting, disgusting pie. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is that happy? Are you happy?

Speaker 2 Okay, good.

Speaker 2 What would you do with my ashes?

Speaker 2 Well, we wouldn't burn you.

Speaker 4 Oh, you'd keep me alive?

Speaker 2 We would keep you fully intact. Yeah.
And I would sit you in that chair. Yeah.
I would sit you in the chair just like that, and I would stuff you like a fucking stuffed animal. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just so I could look at you. And I would still podcast without you.

Speaker 2 I would just have your body there, and I'd podcast to you. Right.
But underneath the table, you would have Ken Jung.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, mouth off everything.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I have, well, any of the Koreans I know. They wouldn't know the difference.
Just fuck my body. Just use any other Korean to say it's me.
Oh, we're going to fuck your body. Oh, good, good, good.

Speaker 2 Because there was a doctor, not a doctor. Yeah, it was a doctor back in the 1900s.

Speaker 2 And he had a patient who was a young girl, and she died from some sort of like flu or Spanish flu or something like that, right?

Speaker 2 And he Spanish flu. Yeah, and he quit being a doctor and they

Speaker 2 never found her corpse. Oh, no.
Yeah. And then like 30 years down the road, the sister found out where he was living and they went upstairs and there was her sister still.
And he had like,

Speaker 2 what?

Speaker 2 What do you want? What reaction do you want from me? 40?

Speaker 2 Gola. I think you'd be hardy.
Gola. Yeah.
But he did some things. You know what I I mean? Don't do that.

Speaker 2 I don't want that to happen. No, it's gross.
I would never do that to you. Yeah.
And I'll take good care of your body when you're gone.

Speaker 2 I'll take better care of your body when you're gone than you do while you're alive. Oh, really? Yeah, think about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Although, I want to say something. What? I want to say something.
And I've said it to you multiple times. This is a fact.
And you'll agree. You'll attest.
I've said, Bob, you're looking healthier.

Speaker 2 You're looking better than ever. Didn't I say it at the comedy store? And you thought I was talking shit in the main room.
And you were like, shut up. And I was being serious.
And what happened today?

Speaker 2 At the park, I I posted on Instagram a picture of me you and the green lantern and every single comment yeah I read them Bobby looks amazing Bobby you look so good it was drug weight

Speaker 2 and only about four of these were girls but still

Speaker 2 but can I say this girls have been looking at me again are you getting looked at yeah before they were like it was almost as if no

Speaker 2 no it's not like that

Speaker 2 no it's more like you know you know

Speaker 2 we have a visitor from a different planet

Speaker 2 So we have to, you know what I mean, be nice to you. We're scared.
We're a little nervous. But now it's like, I penetrate that.
Are you getting fucked? Are you getting those nervous?

Speaker 2 They wouldn't penetrate me. Yeah, they would.
Yeah, they would. Yeah, you'd be a little pegged.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Maybe their clits can go in my butthole.

Speaker 2 That's kind of cool, actually. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a new world. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was a lot of Mexicans there, huh? Yeah, we're in fucking Valencia, bro. I know.
I love them, though. I fucking love Mega.
I love Mexicans.

Speaker 2 Mexicans are the best. But there's also a lot of.

Speaker 2 What's a nice way to say white trash?

Speaker 2 What is a nice way to say white trash? What do you call white people that are white trash? Do you know what that is?

Speaker 5 No, I don't.

Speaker 2 I don't.

Speaker 5 I don't know what to call them.

Speaker 2 White trash are like Filipinos for the Asian company.

Speaker 2 Stop. I just kidding you.
No, white trash. One guy, remember, he goes, Bobby Lee, and he, you know, when you pound somebody, it's just a handshake.
He hit you as hard as whatever.

Speaker 2 You thought it was like Thor and Hulk are punching each other in that fist. It was terrible.
So look at this for white trash.

Speaker 2 No, there's really nothing at hillbilly. Ooh,

Speaker 2 laywoman?

Speaker 2 Peasant? Urinated. Oh, untrained eye.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Look, white trash is an interesting thing. It's a mean thing to say, but

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Speaker 2 You know who you are. Well, no, no, no.
Let's, well,

Speaker 2 describe to me what a white trash person is.

Speaker 2 If I have a mullet, look at.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you what makes white trash. And by the way, I like white trash people.
I'm not shitting on them. I'm saying they're present.
When you have.

Speaker 2 When you have a poorly drawn tattoo, that's a pretty big giveaway.

Speaker 2 Like a really poorly, where it's like it was done by a buddy in a garage with a Bic Pen and the motor from a fucking, like an RC car or something. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's like a white trash tattoo. Yeah, and that tattoo is probably of that person.
It's the girl that has it.

Speaker 2 It's not her daughter. Yeah, so bad tattoo.

Speaker 2 Teeth bad? Teeth really bad. Right.
Really bad. Now, in terms of what they...
Clothing? Clothing? Yeah, for sure. Clothing, it's always like really, really long basketball shorts.

Speaker 2 It's always basketball shorts that go down to their shoes, basically. They look like pants, but they just didn't make it.
They'll go to the mall and go to like

Speaker 2 journeys and get their shoes. They don't go to the mall.
Oh, they don't? They go to wherever they got it. I mean,

Speaker 2 okay. Yeah.
Right. Yeah.
And now, in terms of education, does that have anything to do with it?

Speaker 2 What is that? Education?

Speaker 2 What is that? They don't have any. They don't have anything.
No, no, no. So they have no interest of like, you know, I'm going to read.

Speaker 2 Read? No, I'm just saying I'm going to read The Invisible Man because I want to know about, you know, the black human being. They'll read an invisible book.

Speaker 2 So here's the deal. White trash are solid, good,

Speaker 2 dope people. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The fabric of... The fabric of America.
I'm just saying,

Speaker 2 you know him when you see him. Yeah, who else is going to work at the Jiffy Lube? Who else is going to get you that big plush doll when you knock over a few blocks with a...

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 You can't. You're not going to do that.
Right. I mean, Pete might actually be the guy that does something like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Don't you think Pete in an alternative life would have been a guy that worked at Six Flags?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why not, because this is the first time when I was, because he picked us up, so I had to listen to these two talk in the front. She was asleep on the way back.
We were tired.

Speaker 2 We were exhausted. And

Speaker 2 I literally, Pete just kind of piqued my interest because he was talking about like Sergi Leone films and like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And he was always recommending me good movies and why movies are great. And then he was like, I I went to film school, which I did not know.
Did you?

Speaker 2 That's how

Speaker 2 all these guys met, right? Didn't you guys all meet? Didn't you meet in film school? Didn't you meet George in film school? No, I met George previous job, like 10 years ago. Oh,

Speaker 2 at Maker. At Maker, yeah.
But Maker was a collection of guys that all went to similar film schools in the same kind of network of people, right?

Speaker 2 Where'd you go to film school? So I went to UC Santa Barbara, but they went fancy. George went to real quick.
Yeah, they went to the real one.

Speaker 2 You went to a bullshit ass one up in Fantasy Township. What directors came from, UC Santa Barbara?

Speaker 2 I couldn't name you one. Okay.
Polanski, I think. Didn't Roman Polanski?

Speaker 2 Fancy, did anybody super famous come out of your school?

Speaker 3 Catherine Bigelow.

Speaker 2 Catherine Bigelow. Yes.
Who else?

Speaker 4 James Magnol.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 2 That's actually... Like, are you making this up? Or do you know this to be true?

Speaker 4 I know this to be true.

Speaker 2 And who else is from there?

Speaker 2 Andres... Rosende.
Of course. Who will unequivocally become one of the best directors of our generation.
I put my fucking name on it right now. I hope so.

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That's that good, Bob. That's incredible.

Speaker 2 Tell them how they can get a good discount on ShipStation. We'll use our offer code, BadFriends, and get a 60-day free trial.
That's two months, right? That is? One, two, three. Yeah, you're right.

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Click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in bad friends.

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Speaker 2 Make ship happen.

Speaker 2 Better help. Oh, I use this thing.
I love this. I love BetterHelp.
It's wonderful. Look, relationships take work.

Speaker 2 A lot of us are going to drop anything, go out of our way to help someone we care about. But how do you treat yourself? Do you care about yourself, Bob? Because care is important.

Speaker 2 Do you know why I love myself? I hated myself, but during the the pandemic, I accessed BetterHelp. Yeah.
And it changed my life, dude. Therapy did change your life.

Speaker 2 And that's why we're advocates for it on this show. We're big mental health advocates for taking care of you.
You take care of yourself. We hit the gym.
You get time for a haircut.

Speaker 2 You're trying to eat healthy. Go to Magic Mountain.
You go to Magic Mountain with your friends, but you need to take care of your head up here.

Speaker 2 BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. You don't have to leave the comfort of your own.

Speaker 2 It is more affordable, Andrew, than in-person therapy.

Speaker 2 And you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours how many days is that i think that's two two days i'm not good with time yeah give it a try and see why over two million people have used better help online therapy this podcast is sponsored by better help and bad friends listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com slash bad friends that's b e t t e r h e l p.com slash bad friends

Speaker 2 I'm white rubbish, which is fancy trash. Because you said something at Magic Mountain that kind of triggered me.
It triggered me. What did I say? You go, keep up, up, guys.

Speaker 2 And we're like only 50 feet behind you. I wanted to go.
I wanted to get up. I know, but it's just like, and I turn to someone and I go, this fool wants kids.
Imagine. That's how I, and you know what?

Speaker 2 My kids would be in front of me. They'd walk in front of me like good kids.
You're just miserable. Well, you're slogging along behind with your fucking jeans on, your leather shirt,

Speaker 2 and you're making someone else carry your prize because you were so lazy. You couldn't have been afraid of it.
I carried it for like 10 feet. 10 minutes.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? It took us six minutes to land. And then your sister, who I love, by the way, is the opposite of you.
And she's here at the studio. Give her a round of applause.
Boo!

Speaker 2 Your sister's here.

Speaker 2 She's great.

Speaker 2 They came with us in quite a day. She volunteered to carry my prize.
Yeah, everybody enables your fucking behavior. That's the problem.

Speaker 2 I didn't go, can you help me? I was just struggling with it. I understand.

Speaker 2 That's what it is. You put this on on the people.
You go,

Speaker 2 make it obvious that it's heavy. By the way, it's not heavy.
Pick it up, Rudy, with one hand. Go ahead.
Pick it up with one hand. There you go.
Not heavy. She's fucking jacked, by the way.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? She's strong. Look at her arm.
Dude, flex your fucking muscle. I'm not.

Speaker 2 It's like a toothpick.

Speaker 2 So let's say this. Not only did Rudy kill it on the challenges of going on three, she wanted to go on more.
If we stayed longer, you would have gone on Goliath. You said you would have gone on it.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 No, not Superman. I wasn't going to make you go on Superman.
Although I'm fucking pissed you didn't go on that that with me. So that's the one I don't think I'd ever want to go on.
Why? It's so funny.

Speaker 2 Because I don't like going all the way up. No, no.
It doesn't do that.

Speaker 2 It goes to the top and it clicks. No, it doesn't.
It goes up and then gravity pulls it right back down. So

Speaker 2 you don't slowly go up and then get dropped?

Speaker 2 Well, you go super fast and then it goes until it can't go anymore. Yeah.
And then you drop back down. And then how many times does it do it? Twice.
I think it's only two times. Once?

Speaker 2 Is it only one time? Even better.

Speaker 2 You know what? I promise you, the next time I'm there. We go together again? I'll do it again.
Tomorrow morning. Can we go? No, but she wants to go back, right?

Speaker 2 Would you go back?

Speaker 5 Yeah, but not this week. Maybe next year.

Speaker 2 All right, this week. Let's go later this week.

Speaker 2 Next year. The only reason Rudy could go is because she was on spring break.
While other kids are out doing bumps. Partying at Lake Havasu.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Motorboating tits, doing backflips off of rocks. You were with your uncles, your, what do you call those guys to them?

Speaker 2 Acquaintances. What do you call them? Well, she calls them.
You call us Tito's, and what are they?

Speaker 5 They can be Kuyas.

Speaker 2 Kuyas, is that aunts? No, they're brothers and sisters.

Speaker 5 Like older brother.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. We were uncles.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I don't like being called Tito. So I said, call me Mr.
Lee from now on because she won't do it. No, we're Tito's.
You want to be a Tito. I love it.

Speaker 2 I think it's such an term of endearment that she's given us. But check it out.
I know what we can do, though. One time I went to Magic Mountain and David Cho's friend had bought it out.
Ugh. Right?

Speaker 2 I would do that. How much does that cost? I don't know, but I would love to do one with a bunch of comedy comedians.
That, honestly,

Speaker 2 you probably have to do it at night, right? You have to do like it was at night. Yes, that makes sense.
All the rides were open. What does it cost to rent out Six Flags Magic Mountain?

Speaker 2 I would 100% do that. Yeah, but it seems like it's 100 grand.
No way. Yeah.
Really? The employees getting getting all the machines to be working? I think so, man. Every ride was open.
You could do it.

Speaker 2 $100,000 an hour.

Speaker 2 $100,000 for an hour. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So if...

Speaker 2 Holy shit. We do three hours.
$300,000?

Speaker 2 Do you want to start a GoFundMe to see if we could do it? This is what we do. We do a GoFundMe, right? And we do a bad friend's party.
And then, okay, check this out. Yeah.
We do a GoFundMe. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And anyone that contributes more than $100 is obviously invited.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. $250.

Speaker 2 $500. $500.
$500 per person.

Speaker 2 Okay, you heard it here. If you donate $1,000

Speaker 2 per person. $300,000.

Speaker 2 Pay for the whole thing. Let me tell you something.
Yeah, yeah. If we have a rich Saudi

Speaker 2 prince that watches the show, wherever you are, I know you're out there. Please do this for us.

Speaker 2 And we'll do anything for you. And I mean anything.
Yeah. We'll do a show.
We'll do anything.

Speaker 2 If a Saudi prince said,

Speaker 2 I'll give you the money, but you have to come and be my fuck slave. Yeah.
Would you do it?

Speaker 2 I would say. What was that action?

Speaker 2 Your mom can fucking fuck me with her clit.

Speaker 2 A Saudi clit fucking? Yeah. What if a okay.
What if this Saudi prince bumped into you somewhere and was like, come back to Saudi with me and be my princess? I give you a hundred million dollars.

Speaker 5 He seems cute.

Speaker 2 There you go. That's all it takes.
Right, but once they heard the number, you're not allowed to drive

Speaker 2 women can't drive in side a river can they still not drive no i think they just were allowed to a couple years ago oh they did just got changed you can only drive like a scooter or something but if you if you like stutter or misstep anything verbally they're allowed to stone you to death in the streets yeah if you make one mistake they can kill you like if you chew gum and you i thought i was gonna be a princess yeah but even princesses have to pay yeah you know what i mean can i sleep all day oh yeah that's a good thing yes you would probably i guess that's kind of what they are.

Speaker 2 Also, he would probably forget about her. Yeah, I have other girls.
Yeah, he has elder girls. You're not my only princess.

Speaker 2 And then he might walk into a room 10 years later and goes, oh, you're still here. Oh, good.
Still here. Yeah, yeah.
And she's just sleeping. Yeah.
Did you know that Kim Jong-il's dad?

Speaker 2 Okay. Sick? Kim Jong-sick? So not Kim Jong-il, ill, sick.
Yeah, Kim Jong-sick. He was watching some Korean movie, right?

Speaker 2 And he goes, I

Speaker 2 want her.

Speaker 2 I want her.

Speaker 2 So he just captured her and his favorite director. And then just he, because he wanted to start his own film business.
Because you know the Oons and the Ills, and they all love film. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 And she just had to do his movies out there for like years.

Speaker 2 That's all it takes, huh? He just captured her. She was just like, you know, at her court.

Speaker 2 Is she free now? She's free. Now, this is in the early 70s or whatever.
Oh, right. It's Oon's father.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was a while back, but it's just unbelievable these people.

Speaker 2 I could see you doing that if you were a dictator. Oh, I would do all kinds of shit, dude.
You would be a bad boy. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I would have like Julia Child and Tom Hardy, and I'd just be like, just fuck. Just watch them fuck.
Yeah, yeah. And I would like just

Speaker 2 have mayonnaise. I just put it on my body while they're doing it.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And I would just slip, like, you know, I have a slip with mayonnaise, like a slip and slide. A slip and slide.
Yeah, mayonnaise. While they're fucking, I just slip, slips.
Hey.

Speaker 2 Just go right by.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 My mansion would be made out of Vicodin. Oh, so you pick a wall off? Or just lick it.
Just cinnamon.

Speaker 2 Lick. You know what I mean? What else would I do?

Speaker 2 I would have like X2.

Speaker 2 X2 inside the house. In the house.
The roller coaster inside the house. And I would never use it.
What would be in your water fountain? What liquid would be in your water fountain? Blood. Blood?

Speaker 2 You want to drink blood? What would be in your water fountain, your fancy palace?

Speaker 2 I want.

Speaker 5 Can it be Nutella?

Speaker 2 Oh, a Nutella water fountain. Very cool.
Nutella. Not practical, but I like it.
You're going to have to clean those lines constantly. But that's not your fucking problem.
You're a princess.

Speaker 2 What else would you like in your castle that this Saudi prince is going to give you?

Speaker 5 Harry Styles.

Speaker 2 Where just he has to be there at all times? Yeah. He needs to perform.

Speaker 2 Every day?

Speaker 2 Every day.

Speaker 2 What time does Harry need to perform?

Speaker 5 I wake up at 12, so maybe at 2 p.m.

Speaker 2 Because I have to get ready. You want to get ready? Okay, so if you were a princess, okay, you capture Harry Styles, right? And now you know that you capture.
He can't leave.

Speaker 2 He's really bummed to be there, by the way, because he wants to go on tour. Yeah.
You know what I mean? And he has. I can pay him.

Speaker 2 He has enough money, man. He's got so much money.
He's not poor. Then why is he sad?

Speaker 2 That's

Speaker 2 a point of view. That's an interesting thing.
She's right. Why is he sad?

Speaker 2 Why are you sad? Money doesn't make you happy. Yeah.
Look at Bob. Yeah.
Look at me. Look at me.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm so sad. I'm going to cry right now.
So he's like, doesn't want to be there, right?

Speaker 2 So he's in a separate room. And then one night you're just like,

Speaker 2 what do you what are you gonna do to have make love to him um does he have to have sex with you every day

Speaker 5 yeah but he can also have sex with other people i want a mold of harry's dick

Speaker 2 i think we can make that happen

Speaker 2 now you know just in case just in case he escapes see if we can buy a mold of harry styles penis online and get this

Speaker 2 By the way, you don't even know what he has. He could have a fucking horrific penis.
Yeah. You know nothing about Harry Styles' penis.

Speaker 5 They said, the fan said that he has a seven-inch penis.

Speaker 2 Who? What fan knows this?

Speaker 5 Crazy obsessed fan.

Speaker 2 How would they know? They've never seen his dick. Yeah.
Oh, there's his penis.

Speaker 2 See, it's long. It's long, but it's skinny mini.
It's so long. But I don't like the color, but it's fine.
You don't like it because it's white. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What color penis would you like Harry Styles to have? He's a white guy. Maybe a little bit brown.
Do a matte black, like, you know what I mean? Wrap on it, like a car. Yeah, do a matte.

Speaker 2 Like a matte black, like a wrap is matte brown.

Speaker 2 Matt brown get his cock tinted you can there's a tint guy that did windows they'll do 10 tints i'm sure on his dick for 150 bucks or just take him to the philippines and just get you know all you guys are brown right just go to a nude beach and go to a nude beach and make him tan his penis

Speaker 2 is that really his penis

Speaker 2 is this a bit yeah yeah no see that's a bit this is a who's that guy that's not him that's not him see none of these are him yeah this is all fake that's a really good penis though that that's not that nice of a penis it's a sitcom penis by the way when we peed today in the urinals, Bobby went to the little one that was low to the ground.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And it was so cute.
It was like such a sweet little moment because I said you were making fun of me. There we are right there.
Look at us. Look at me and my little prince.

Speaker 2 Look at how cute that is. And that's a perfect height for your little penis.

Speaker 2 I don't look human, huh?

Speaker 2 Neither do I. I look like a big orange leprechaun in my little fucking Asian troll that I brought along with me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We are cartoon people. We're not real.
It's not a never-ending story, like, you know, some sort of creature. It ended.
Trust me, it ended ended a couple years ago. What? Your story.

Speaker 5 I have a question.

Speaker 5 In Six Flags, people

Speaker 5 likes to take pictures of Tito Babi, even though they don't know him. Why?

Speaker 2 Because they know who we are, and then they just know that he's a comic that's famous, but they don't remember his name. That happens a lot.
That's...

Speaker 2 Yeah, like these guys don't know. They know, but they don't know.
Yeah, but the worst is they got, like, one guy will know, and then they'll go, why are you doing this?

Speaker 2 And he's a famous comedian, and then they'll get in, but then it feels weird.

Speaker 2 But it's always with really young guys, young guys, because they've seen us maybe on something, like on Instagram or TikTok or a clip on YouTube, or even a TV show. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they just don't remember where,

Speaker 2 but they want to, they, they know you're famous. They're not real fans necessarily.
They're not. Well, they're fans, but they're not like going to go buy a ticket to see you live.
But they like you.

Speaker 2 But I could never, but if I go, what have I done? They wouldn't be able to tell you. No, you're right.
Do you not like that when someone comes up and does that? Does it bother you?

Speaker 5 No, it's just weird because they keep asking, what's your name, Tito Bobby's name? But they want to take a picture of it.

Speaker 2 It is weird. And normally, honestly, normally, if they don't know who I am and they go, who are you? I know you're somebody.
And they want a photo. I usually don't do it.
I never do that.

Speaker 2 But I've been doing it lately because I'm just trying to be nice to people. No, but if they don't know who I am, they usually don't ask for a photo of it.
But

Speaker 2 they know who I am, but they don't know who I am. They usually don't get to the photo part.
Like we were in Boston. My sister was with us, and some guy is crossing the street, and he goes, Hey,

Speaker 2 what are you in?

Speaker 2 I hate that. Oh, my God.
And then she asked me the same thing. Hey, what are you in? I was just in your mother.

Speaker 2 Mike?

Speaker 2 He knows who you are immediately.

Speaker 2 No, I just don't think you're allowed to do, you don't, you're not like, and I've had fans come and say this to me before. People are like, oh, I know you don't like when fans come.

Speaker 2 I've never said I don't like when fans don't want to come up to me. I've never said that.
All I've said is don't be mean or rude. And I would love to take a photo.

Speaker 2 I just don't like when someone comes up and is like,

Speaker 2 like, when somebody grabs you. Oh, I get grabbed a lot.
I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like it either.
Don't grab me. That's so fucking good.
I get grabbed a lot. People pick me up.

Speaker 2 You know what the coolest one is? Yeah. When somebody comes up to you and just goes, hey, man, I love your stuff.
I love it. And then they like disappear into the night.
I love that.

Speaker 2 I think it's so cool.

Speaker 2 But I don't mind. I love taking pictures.
I just think like, just don't be mean.

Speaker 2 Just don't be like, I don't like when someone's get drunk, drunk, or tough, because then they think you owe them something.

Speaker 2 Take a photo, and you're like, hold on, one second. You're having a conversation with this story.
It happens all the time. Yeah.
I'm always like, I'm always like, hold on, one second.

Speaker 2 And they're like, come on, man. You're like, dude, I'm talking to somebody.
It's so fucking rude. Especially there because it's kind of like our home in a sense.
It is our home.

Speaker 2 And we see friends and family. That's what it feels like.
And some people can be intrusive. Yeah, just be cool about it.
Have you been, have you had fans come up to you at six flags? No.

Speaker 2 They were guys that were yelling at us at the ride.

Speaker 2 But she doesn't.

Speaker 2 Like, for instance, she's been on some dates with some guys from college and whatnot, right? Excuse me? And, yeah.

Speaker 2 She knows how weird I am. I don't like that.
And I had a clear case meet.

Speaker 2 Her last date, he shows up in this green, bluish car, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Was it a nice car?

Speaker 5 She seems like an older.

Speaker 2 For a 19-year-old kid, it's nice, right? And I was on the balcony and I was just watching him. And she's getting ready.
I'm just staring at him. And he looks up and he goes,

Speaker 2 he just looks at me and I go.

Speaker 2 And he goes,

Speaker 2 but he had no idea. You know what I mean? But what I'm wondering is when they ask you what you do, you never say bad friends.
You never say.

Speaker 2 Nobody knows that she's on a podcast. That's not true.
I bet you some of those guys do know that you're on bad friends.

Speaker 5 But they ask me and I just say, my uncle does.

Speaker 5 Some kind of finance. And they say, oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, I'm a financer.
Imagine pulling up to their house, everyone at home, and seeing this guy on the balcony and being like, That

Speaker 2 does finance?

Speaker 2 Holy fuck. Yeah, there's no way.
Yeah, what bank is hiring you? Yeah,

Speaker 2 he has a human trafficking business.

Speaker 2 There's someone in that guy's base. Or he's a comedian.
Either one, you know, same or same. Yeah.
Or you have both. I have both.
Yeah. No, there's finance.
You got to make up a new job for Tito Bobby.

Speaker 2 Like what? Like an artist. Just say that.

Speaker 2 No, I'll just.

Speaker 2 So, hey. So what do you do for fun? You have any hobbies?

Speaker 5 I like to free dive.

Speaker 2 Oh, you free dive? That's cool.

Speaker 2 That really weird-looking guy, that's your uncle?

Speaker 5 Yeah, he's my uncle. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What does he do?

Speaker 5 He's an artist. He paints stuff.

Speaker 2 Cool. Cool.
Valid. I believe every second.

Speaker 2 Can I look at some of this stuff?

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 5 Just don't.

Speaker 2 Just don't. Weird.
Okay. You got to sell this a little bit better.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 But why would they want to see, though?

Speaker 2 Because what if they want to see art?

Speaker 1 What if they love art?

Speaker 2 If you say art, they're going to always ask. The next question is, well, does he have a website? Can I look at his shit? Of course.
Always. Does he have an Instagram spell?

Speaker 5 Then you need me to give a picture of your art then.

Speaker 5 I'm not an artist.

Speaker 2 You're fucking lying.

Speaker 2 Sorry. My point is, is this.
Give me another one. Hey, so.

Speaker 2 What does your uncle do?

Speaker 5 My uncle does

Speaker 2 spear fishing.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 And that I believe. There's no way to prove that.
Yeah, there's no way to prove that. Where does he go spearfishing?

Speaker 5 In Hawaii.

Speaker 2 Oh, sick. So he makes a living.
He lives in this nice house and just makes a living off of just spearfishing fish.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he just goes there for like weekends.

Speaker 2 That's what he does for a living. Yeah.
How does he make

Speaker 2 money spearfishing? Because he's not a commercial. Like, I could see if he had like a commercial fishing business, but spearfishing's one at a time.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So how is he making fucking money killing one fish at a time?

Speaker 2 He gets five fish a day and he's making fucking money. Like, how is this working?

Speaker 6 He has a group.

Speaker 2 There's like tiny people. Oh, so they're like kind of like an army of spearfishers.
Okay, so then it's 100 fish a day. It doesn't seem like you're making enough money.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah. But they catch like really big fish.

Speaker 2 By hand? With a spear by hand? By hand. I see.
Like, how many pounds? He's really good. How many pounds? He's really good.
Like 150. 150.
Oh, so your uncle's Aquaman.

Speaker 2 That's what you're saying.

Speaker 2 Bap, bap, bap, bam. I mean,

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Speaker 2 Buffy. The nicest thing you've ever done for me.
God bless. God bless.
Is you said, you got to check out this comforter. Remember a couple years ago? I gave it to you.
I said, you got to use this.

Speaker 2 Right. And that's the only comforter.
We have to keep washing it because it's the only comforter we love. And it's from Buffy.
Buffy. It's the most comfortable thing.
It's like

Speaker 2 you're putting a cloud on top of it. Well, hey, coincidentally enough, the cloud comforter is what it's called.

Speaker 2 It's covered in super soft eucalyptus fabric and filled with fluffy fiber made from 100% recycled bottles. You know, when you drink a bottle and you throw it away, they took it, made it a bed.

Speaker 2 It's softer than cotton and naturally soothes the skin. That's what I, my skin is so sooty.
Let me see. Yeah, touch it.
Oh, it's sustainable.

Speaker 2 Eucalyptus uses 10 times less water than cotton to grow, and its fiber is produced using recyclable, earth-friendly solvents. It's hypoallergenic, okay? It's machine-washable.

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Speaker 2 It's keeping approximately 50 bottles out of landfills. Oh my god.
Oceans. That's amazing.
Basically, they're helping planet Earth. They're helping the planet Earth.

Speaker 2 So don't want you, don't you want to help yourself? I want to help the planet Earth. All right.
Okay, so for $20 off your Buffy Comforter, visit Buffy.co and enter the code Bad Friends.

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Speaker 2 I like it.

Speaker 2 And you know what? I believe it. Yeah.
Interesting. You started somewhere good with a thing that nobody could trace.
Yeah, Spearfisher, but not a lucrative thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so let's try to find something lucrative that people would buy. It's okay.
If you fail, it's fine. What does your uncle do?

Speaker 5 My uncle does,

Speaker 2 right? Already, she's lying. You're lying.

Speaker 2 You know what you could say? What? Crypto.

Speaker 5 Crypto? Okay. Say he mines.
But I don't know anything about crypto.

Speaker 2 Let's find out. Let's find out.

Speaker 2 What does your uncle do?

Speaker 5 He does crypto.

Speaker 2 Oh, sick. So sick.
That's cool. By the way, we're the two dudes in the car for the city.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You just wanted to know if you're cool with the double date. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 2 so, so, what, what, I mean, how does so he has his own crypto financing? What does he do? With crypto.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He sells. He mines it.
Mines it. Buy?

Speaker 5 Mine.

Speaker 5 Mine?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 5 He mines it.

Speaker 2 Oh, he mines it? Yeah. Oh, so do you guys have a bunch of like those six servers like in your house?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Whoa. Can I see it? Can can we see it yeah if you want what the fuck are you gonna do when they get in there and you don't have to have servers in the house okay let's do it again

Speaker 2 what does your uncle do

Speaker 2 my uncle does crypto oh oh wow does he just invest i mean yeah what does he he mines it he mines crypto yeah he mines it so wait do you guys have one of those like crypto farms here at the house no it's in another place that oh you can't tell us because it's i get it i get it totally cool

Speaker 5 Should we just go?

Speaker 2 Yeah, where are we going?

Speaker 2 Movies. And then we're going to bang afterwards?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Good fucking answer. Good answer.
That's what I like to hear. And say no.

Speaker 2 When a guy says, hey, are we going to hook up afterwards? What do you say?

Speaker 5 No, we're not. Good.

Speaker 2 Say, fuck no, bitch. And I've always told you.
Boy, say it to me. If he says, say we're going to bang and say,

Speaker 2 you think we're going to bang later?

Speaker 5 Fuck no, bitch.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. That's what I want to hear.
Check that, bitch. And I've always said to her, is just, you never give it away.

Speaker 2 What? I've always said that to her. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 You got to sell it? No, no, no, no. Don't give it away.
You got to sell it. That's not what I'm saying.
What P.J. Bobby is saying, and I agree.
I agree. I'm sweating now.

Speaker 2 I don't get what I'm saying. I agree.
You've got to get money in exchange for sex. That's what we're saying.
No, what I'm saying is not worth that.

Speaker 2 You're giving yourself,

Speaker 2 it's a prized possession. Don't give it away for free.
Right.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying. You've got to sell it.
Let them work for it. Right.
Make it a job. No, no, no.
That's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 I don't understand what you're saying. What I'm saying is that just stay a virgin.

Speaker 2 Huh? Yeah. Stay a virgin.
Truly.

Speaker 2 Don't they have

Speaker 2 born-again virgins? You can be born-again Christian. You can't reverse virginity.
So you've heard of born-again virgins, right? You can't reverse virginity.

Speaker 2 I know, but it's guys that say, I did fuck, but now I'm not doing it, so I'm born again. What's in your fucking head, I guess.
Yeah, born-again virgins.

Speaker 2 A person who is having, who, who, after having engaged in sexual intercourse makes some type of commitment to be sexually not to be sexually active again and convicted.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but they're just, it's just a thought. It's not physical.
They can't change the idea that once you've had sex, you've had sex.

Speaker 2 Right, but if that's right, because and you haven't, I know you're a virgin for people at home. Yeah, yeah.
You would never, and you're going to wait till marriage. Isn't that what we said?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good. That way to sell that fucking line.
That was almost what my Tito does for a living.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
But do you understand what I'm saying to you? Is that I, you know, I love you, right? And I want, you know, I just don't want anyone to take advantage of you or anything like that.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, of course. That's why I taught her to say when somebody says, are we going to hook up? You say, fuck no, bitch.
So also, she did something grown up today that was really grown up.

Speaker 2 So she broke my Pirius, right?

Speaker 5 I didn't break your Pirus.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yes.
Well, the Prius broke it down

Speaker 2 in your watch. Because of you.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And it's been in the shop, right?

Speaker 2 And it's going going to cost a couple of grand for the fixings, right? Sure, it'll just come out of her.

Speaker 2 And I said, I couldn't, because I have to,

Speaker 2 it's embarrassing. But I still, every time I have to do any purchase over $2,000, I have to talk to my money guy.
And I just bought a brand new car.

Speaker 2 So tomorrow I was going to go, let's just get the car tomorrow. And she goes, no, I'll take care of it.
So she took care of the fucking. She's really?

Speaker 2 That is really fucking good. I am going to pay you back.
But she took care of it. That's really grown up.
But you're getting a new car. So is she she getting the Prius? Yeah, yeah.
Are you excited?

Speaker 2 Yeah, are you gonna get it deep cleaned?

Speaker 2 Maybe

Speaker 2 they fix the hood? Yeah, wow. I think you should get it.
Has it been cleaned since? No.

Speaker 2 You want to, you, can I, can I get it to a guy that can fully detail it for you, that can make it like super, super dice and clean?

Speaker 2 We should steam clean the seats and I don't know, bless it with sage. You should get all that negative bullshit out of there.
All that old Asian driver. I can still smell poo in there.

Speaker 2 There's definitely smelled poo poo. I can get a guy that can get the poo smell right out of there.
Okay. Do you really smell poo in there and be honest? Yeah.
I've only pooed in it one time.

Speaker 2 Once is enough. Oh, it is? When you shit in a car? Yeah, yeah.
But most people have never shit in a car. Okay, but can I say this? The majority of people have never shit in a car.

Speaker 2 So one poo is one poo too many, bud. Okay, bud, all right? When you don't have any plastic bags, get out.

Speaker 2 Get out. No.
I was on the, just listen to what I'm saying. Get out.
You poop outside. I was on the 101, right? It was traffic.
This is pre-pandemic. Well, even more time to get out.

Speaker 2 If there's bumper to bumper. Right.
Bumper to bumper. I couldn't.

Speaker 2 First of all, I don't have one of those shit attacks that's like, oh, well, I can hold it for 18.5 minutes. Not me.
It's a white guy, obviously. Right.
Or whatever.

Speaker 2 Yo, man, I can't hold this for 18.5 minutes. Is that better? Spanish guy.
Go ahead. Okay, so anyway.

Speaker 2 I'm one of those. It's like, if I have to go, I have to go now.
Right, your body. Right now.
Poop, poop, poop, poop, poop. In that situation, I looked around, I pulled over to the side of the freeway.

Speaker 2 So you were pulled over, and you still elected to shit inside the vehicle. Where do you do it?

Speaker 2 In the middle, on the side of the freeway, you get out, you open the door, yeah, you get out, and you hide between the door and the car, and you shit.

Speaker 2 I didn't do that because I don't want people to see my asshole and diarrhea coming out.

Speaker 2 So, you'd rather have strangers you're never going to see again see you pooping in an emergency situation, or I'm a public figure, or I'm verified, or

Speaker 2 poop in the vehicle that you own that's yours. And then live with it.

Speaker 2 All right, stop. Stranger sees Bobby Lee pooping.
Or Bobby Lee driving home with poop inside of his own car. But let me defend myself.
You get my logic. It's the only one there is.

Speaker 2 There isn't, because I'm going to say this, okay?

Speaker 2 Do you think that I can afford something better than the car that I had? Of course. Right.
But I always have told my people. I'm not getting a new car until I shit in the one.

Speaker 2 No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just saying, get me a terrible, like,

Speaker 2 you know, a nice car, but like cheap, right? The cheapest you can get. Priest.
So that I can just bang it up and I can smoke in it and I can throw shit around burritos and whatnot, right?

Speaker 2 And so what am I getting now? I'm getting a nice Audi tell, yeah, A5 Audi A5.

Speaker 2 Pull up a picture of what he's going to do, and we're going to wrap it black. I'm going to wrap it black.
But can I say this? Yeah. I do want to put a bad friend's symbol on the car.
Okay, I want to.

Speaker 2 It's your car, but I want it. There's an Audi if I bring up Black Audi A5.
So that's what I'm getting. All right? A four-door black Audi A5.
Also, Matt Blackett. Say, put Matt Black on top.
Right?

Speaker 2 So that's what I'm getting, right? So I'm not going to shit in this car. Look at that.
It's Bobby Lee's new car. That's my new car.
That looks like a Batman car. It does what I like, man.

Speaker 2 That's why I like it. Right? It's got like a, you know.
See, that's nicer than my car. Right.
So I'm going to get that. Way nicer.
That's coming tomorrow or Friday. I'm so excited.
I'm so excited.

Speaker 2 Bob, I cannot wait for you to get a new fancy. But the reason why I'm getting that car is because I no longer want to behave the way I want.
I don't want to shit in my car anymore.

Speaker 2 I don't want to put sunflower seeds all over the front. And glue, you know, I had a glue thing.
I know. The Elmer's glue thing that I have.

Speaker 2 So if you look in the Prios, there's glue and poo and all kinds of stuff. And I'm changing my behavior.

Speaker 2 So five years now, when you see my Audi, it's going to look like shit. Yeah,

Speaker 2 there's going to be poop in it. It's going to be on fire.
Yeah. Well, you do know that poop has...
Poop. Poop.
That Audi has

Speaker 2 like an assist where if you're stuck on the side of the road and anything goes wrong, you can call them and they'll come. Oh, really? So let's say you did get shit on your your seats.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Boom, boom. You call Audi.
Yeah. We're on a V because the Germans.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And they get out there and they'll clean up the poop right there and get you back on your back on your page.
That's wonderful. That's what I need.
It's good customer service. I love it.

Speaker 2 So that's the car I'm going to get, and I'm very excited about it. But you said that you have a guy.

Speaker 2 I have the guy that's going to matte. Because it doesn't.
Your car comes black. You want a matte finish.
So

Speaker 2 we're going to have to take it to my guy to give you a matte finish. Yeah, I want a matte finish.
How long does that take? A week? No, he can get it done in a couple days. Oh, that'd be great.

Speaker 2 You'd move to the top of the list for sure. Yeah.
It's fantastic. I can't wait.
If I said Bobby Lee wants his car wrapped,

Speaker 2 you're going to have to give him a photo and all that shit. No, let me ask you this, right? I was thinking about doing red rims.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Too much? Are they black right now? I don't know.
I haven't seen it yet. You bought a car and never saw it.
Well, I googled it.

Speaker 2 You didn't physically see it in person. You just said, I'll take it, whatever they had.
I googled it. I looked at what you just did.
Who got it for you, Clinton? Yeah. So Clinton said, Bobby,

Speaker 2 got it.

Speaker 2 You're 8,000-year-old fucking business manager. Yeah.
He's like, Bobby, I got you a new car. And you're like, great, what is it? And he's like, Audi A5.

Speaker 2 Okay, I want to say something about Clinton. And you're like, Clinton, that's great.
And he's like,

Speaker 2 it's a 1979 Audi A5.

Speaker 2 Okay, I want to say that. You're going to get it tomorrow.

Speaker 2 And it's the seats are pre-treated for poop.

Speaker 2 Let me say this. I like Clinton.
Very nice guy. Right, he,

Speaker 2 I'm just saying, there's a lot of RB huge stars that he does too.

Speaker 2 What the fuck does it have to do with anything? I'm just saying, you know how Doc is like black magic? This is so funny.

Speaker 2 This is Bobby's roundabout way of saying, I have a black business manager because you want to brag that he's black. No, I'm going to say that like they just have a way of doing things.
Who's they?

Speaker 2 Magical blacks. Black magics? Yeah, black magics.
So you think black people in general have a way about doing things? That's what? No, not all black people. Black magics.
Not everyone's a black magic.

Speaker 2 Magic chunks is a black magic.

Speaker 2 It's in his name. Name a black guy that isn't black magic then.

Speaker 2 Brian Moses.

Speaker 2 He is. He is a magic little creature.
He is? Yeah, he's a black magic. I didn't know that.
I've never seen his powers. Okay, so show me another guy.

Speaker 2 As far as I'm concerned, every black guy has black magic. Yeah, the guy from the Green Mile.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
He gets rid of his herpes or whatever.

Speaker 2 So what I'm saying is, I call him and I go, this is what I want. And he goes, premium? No, what's up, bro? Platinum? I go, what's the highest thing? I think he said platinum.
I go, that's what I want.

Speaker 2 Two-door, four-core door. I go, four-door.
Done. You'll be in your house in two days.
So it's paid off cash. Yeah.
But let me ask this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's black magic.

Speaker 2 A white guy is like, well, we're going to have to do lease it and, you know, but we don't have to look around what the best deal is. I don't want that.
You know what I mean? I want to get ripped off.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You want to to get ripped off.

Speaker 2 Fucking your thousand-year-old manager called Audi and was like, we don't care about the price.

Speaker 2 And they were like, sell this fucking idiot a car over 20 grand over a sticker.

Speaker 2 Is it expensive?

Speaker 2 It's not as expensive as your car.

Speaker 2 Your car. That's not true.

Speaker 2 Bring up the Nissan Cube and see how much it costs.

Speaker 2 Bring up the Nissan Cube and we'll show you how much I have. I just want to say, right?

Speaker 2 How much is a Nissan Cube? Because when I bought it,

Speaker 2 2014 is when the last, that's when they discontinued it. And when I bought my cube, I think I paid.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's interesting. Let me see a picture of the cube.

Speaker 6 That doesn't look like your car. It doesn't look like your car.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe you have the upgraded version of the cube. Your car was just like $120,000 Mercedes.
First of all. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 The windows are black on my cube. That's why it looks different.
You don't have a fucking cube. Yes, I do have a cube.
I don't fucking lie. I have a cube.
And you have also different cars.

Speaker 2 Today you had a different car? No, I have a Jeep. That's my wife's Jeep.
Yeah. No, but I've seen you with other cars, right? Have you not?

Speaker 5 I've seen you in a Ferrari.

Speaker 2 In a Ferrari. That's not my car.
It's your car, dude. That's not my car.
I don't own a fucking Ferrari. Yeah, and

Speaker 2 let me tell everybody. I wish.
Andrew has a way. Because, listen, thank you for listening to bad friends.
And thank you for supporting us, right? But, you know, Andrew has had a couple of good years.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And he has some nice things. Why can't you say that? Don't be embarrassed.

Speaker 2 But I got nice cars

Speaker 2 this. I always loved cars.
That's what I spent my money on: cars. And that's why I wanted the cube.
I'm a cube dog. I'm a cube dog for life.
Everybody knows I am cube guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What the fuck does Fancy listen to when he goes home? What do you think he listens to?

Speaker 2 And then he also listens to. I have a dream too, Richie.
What else have you listened to?

Speaker 2 What? Tequila.

Speaker 2 What do you listen to, fans?

Speaker 4 As an American, I listen to really good American music.

Speaker 2 As an American, dude, this guy is really fucking cumbersome. It's been good.

Speaker 2 You know what he said? Two weeks, and he's like already fucking an asshole. We made a couple of jokes while we were walking around Six Flags.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And he literally goes, You can't do that to me. I'm an American.

Speaker 2 He's so cocky now, dude. It's nuts.
And we can revoke your fucking citizenship. Trust me.
Pete, can get, Pete, can you get this done? Yeah, I got you. Good.

Speaker 2 He also said, like, he was in the car. He He was just like, I'm still working on the movie.
Is our movie...

Speaker 2 They have the movie. Yeah, so these fuckers are supposed to write us a movie.
These guys went to film school. Well, him and Carl.
We want to do a bad friends fucking movie, right? Where is the script?

Speaker 2 Where is the script, Fanny?

Speaker 3 It's come in. Come in.

Speaker 2 Who's writing it?

Speaker 3 Carlos and I.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Proper English, too, Carlos and I. Yeah.

Speaker 2 See, this guy, he's really. And he's Rudy in it, right? It's about...
Is it

Speaker 2 the island movie? Is it Bottoms of Turtle Island?

Speaker 4 It's the making of Bottoms of Turtle Island.

Speaker 2 The making of the movie. Yeah.
It's the making of the beginning. You put up new art, by the way.
Thank you for all the new, great art. It's good to see this.

Speaker 2 I don't know if we can get a shot of George. Do you remember this when we shot him with the BB gun?

Speaker 2 That was like one of my favorite fucking bits that we ever did because we had all these fans' names and they were going to win something. What did they win? Like a shirt or a

Speaker 2 fancy shirts.

Speaker 2 And then Rudy's art behind her, by the way. That is such a cool photo.
And look at me doing exactly what I do on this show with carrying us. Carrying us.
Yep.

Speaker 2 Yesterday, this is what my assistant had to deal with. So, like, you know, I am prescribed a medication, right? I want to get into that.
And I went to the Rite Aid. Viagra, you can say it.

Speaker 2 And they said,

Speaker 2 they said, yeah, this is

Speaker 2 all the pharmacies are run out of this. It's going to be Thursday until you can get it, right? Jesus.
So I had to call my assistant and go, find me some in any pharmacy. And she found it.

Speaker 2 in Beverly Hills. I have a question for Bobby.

Speaker 2 Oh, shut up, fuck up. Yeah, what's the question? What is it?

Speaker 4 Well, if you have an assistant, why did you call us yesterday, locked out of your house to open your house for you?

Speaker 2 Did you lock yourself out of the house? Don't you guys have a fucking

Speaker 2 you don't have physical keys, do you?

Speaker 2 I always got to think about it. I'm fucking no, I'm furious.
Unfucking believable, bro. I'll let you guys take it.
Thank you. Go ahead.
Spanish fuck.

Speaker 2 I'm an American man. I'm going to say something, okay?

Speaker 2 My assistant doesn't have a key to my house. Why? You know who does?

Speaker 2 George.

Speaker 2 He's like your assistant. Right.

Speaker 2 So George, for anything, like, get me Red Bull. He'll bring me Red Bull.
Yeah, I know. Right? Yeah, he's your bitch.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah, he is.
But wait a minute. Your assistant should have your key.
That's someone that's. She just started two weeks ago.
I haven't gotten around to that yet.

Speaker 2 You know who can go make a copy of your key? Who? Your fucking assistant. All right.

Speaker 2 She'll do that this weekend. But my point is that George has my fucking key, right? Yeah.
And he sends his minions over. What's the big deal? Were you there?

Speaker 2 Were you the one that came over with my fucking key, you Spanish fuck? But I seriously want people to, we're going to do a GoFundMe to rent out Magic Mountain. I'm being real.

Speaker 2 Of all the problems in the world, do you think we need money to rent out fucking six flags? Guys, fuck donating to children's foundations, cancer.

Speaker 2 Fuck Ukraine. Can you please donate so we can rent out six flags? In fact, I'm on board.
Yeah. Fuck the world.
It's already over. Can we rent out six flags, please, with your help?

Speaker 2 Rudy was, Rudy was, I love you, Rudy Jules. You did such a great job today.
You were so brave. You went on every fucking shitty ride that we made you go on.
And

Speaker 2 I got to tell you, I was really proud. Anyway, thank you for being my friend.

Speaker 2 When white people do this, I'm just saying, no, no, no, I want to know. Is this to white people? Is this to Japanese people?

Speaker 2 That's what it is. So when a white girl goes like this,

Speaker 2 they both do

Speaker 2 right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Same thing.
So what is, so this is like, what is this, like a table? I'm so sweet.

Speaker 2 But are you underwater? I always imagine this is water. You're drowning? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
But like, no, this is like a, um, it's like a, it's like an old picture from like J.C. Penny.

Speaker 2 Ah, is that what it is?

Speaker 2 What about when white girls do this?

Speaker 2 Ooh, that's a big dick. Oh, is that a dick? Oh, that's what it is.
That's a big dick. So they see Chris Spencer's dick.
Oh, that's a big dick. What about an Asian dick?

Speaker 2 I see. That's what it is.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at his journal. Look at my journal.
By the way, fancy Fancy he's going to get control for taping in a bathroom.

Speaker 2 He's going to go to prison for videotaping young voice and everything. You're taking this fucking card away.
Citizenship once.

Speaker 1 You just got citizenship.

Speaker 2 Now you're looking to get it ripped away, man. Fat ones, tall ones, skinny ones, thick ones, big ones, yellow ones, bright ones, big ones.

Speaker 2 Alright, Bob, you're up first. So you go first.
Oh, you. Alright.

Speaker 2 I'll go if you guys go.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you've got to work, man.

Speaker 2 Oh, look at how soft this is. That's why.
You get that once. Will you each get two shots? Yeah.
I'm not even going to be hitting any of them. Try.
If you hit it and you

Speaker 2 use anything you want to come to. Yeah!

Speaker 2 Then you try again. Or you win like that.
And he wins one. Whatever he wants.

Speaker 2 I'll take the

Speaker 2 orange one. The orange one.
Orange one. Orange one.
Oh, my God. I can't believe you did it.

Speaker 2 That's insane.

Speaker 2 First try. First try.

Speaker 2 Tell him, it's the block and make the block that you want.

Speaker 2 Aww.

Speaker 2 I almost had two in a row.

Speaker 2 Right. Alright.

Speaker 2 I knew it. You gotta go for the bottom.

Speaker 2 Bobby, I can't believe you did that. That's unreal.

Speaker 2 Where's my horse tiger, dog? Don't you want the colorful one?