Marrying Harry Styles with a Rooster Ring

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Are your levels good? You sound good?

I sound good. I feel good.

Bad friends.

Bad new friends.

Bad new friends. It's a brand new

bad new friends.

White friends. White friends.
White friends. It's a brand new, bad new friends.
White friends. White friends.
White friends. We started Asian hate.
Yes. We did.
We started it. We did.
We want to bring back the campaign. We do.
Bobby's gone. Listen.
Hopefully for good. Let's be real with the fans okay here's what's going on Bobby and I got into a little quarrel about where to shoot bottoms of Turtle Island he went out on his own and he is island shopping and I mean this he's looking to buy an island okay he's searched the Caribbean or the Caribbean as you people call it yeah and owners call it owners and he's looking to buy an island.
Okay. He's searched the Caribbean or the Caribbean, as you people call it.

Yeah.

As the owners call it.

Owners.

And he's looking for an island, and he's looking to shoot somewhere next year in the fall, maybe.

So Bobby's going to be gone for a couple of weeks.

Okay.

So what did I do?

What'd you do?

Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling.

Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling.

Hello?

Hey, Chris. Hey, Andrew.
It's the Red Cockett red cock it hi kids i'm on the phone with the devil i need you to come to the studio okay and to be my co-host for an episode or two oh okay um 10 000 episodes sound good you got it bobby's in rehab druggie he's a real druggie what can we say we know you guys knew it he's. Bobby's in rehab.
Druggie. He's a real druggie.
He's a druggie. What can we say? We know.
You guys knew it. He's the love of our life, and I love him so much, and one of my best friends on earth, and he's in rehab.
You know what? We're comfortable talking about it because people have addictions and people have problems. We have problems.
We got problems. We got problems, dude.
We got problems. I was here in LA.
The truth story is I was here in LA for something else, and I was walking the 7-eleven and bobby was asleep outside of it and i called you and i said uh we got a problem we got a problem so i gave him a go-go taquito and a slurpee and we put him in we put him in a nice church van up to rehab and then i came right here he's at a religious facility it's called christ first um yeah and uh it's that guy you know that guy from YouTube is like, Jesus Christ. It's him.
It's his facility. Yeah.
And he's getting people clean. And Bobby's going to get a clean sweep and a new lease on life.
Yes. Because we want him to live forever.
I don't like mans no more. Yeah.
I'm not gay no more. That's his guy.
That's his guy. That's his pastor.
By the way, look up the average lifespan of a South Korean. Okay.
Because North Koreans got to be longer because they do it good up there. Yeah.
Let's say average lifespan of a South Korean. 83 years.
That's pretty good. Do you think Bobby will make it? Nope.
Oh, look at this. George wants to give you a gift.
There's a gift that we got. This is thinking.
Oh, this is from. Is this the ball gag you guys put in my mouth when you uh you put the pubes in it wow do you have sex toys at home no jasmine has sex toys that um she i i think she uses them she never used them with me and i think she uses them on herself or uh my little daughter seven month old violet i don't i think it's the carpenter who does work in our house i think it think it's his child.
I got sex toys. We have sex toys, but I got a rooster ring.
Really? Yeah, rooster ring. What's a rooster ring? That's a nice way of saying cock ring.
Okay. I got a rooster ring and it vibrates.
And you can put it on top of your schlong and it on her ding dong. Or you flip it upside down And it massages your cojoneso.
Your nosados. And it.
Wow. So you can put it on top for once.
It's for her, for him, for her and for him. My friend is a police officer.
And I spin it around. Yeah.
My friend's a police officer in New York. And he texted the group chat the other day.
And he goes, guys, I just call you know a doa you know the guy was dead there he a guy died had a heart attack sitting in his computer with tidy whities down around his ankles blasting gay porn with a cock ring around his cock and he just had a heart attack and he said like his wife like he has a full wife and kids they just weren't home so it's like the guy was just ripping gay porn with a cock do you tell him what do you do you tell the wife you're a cop me and you we walk in on a guy yeah right we walk in on george obviously yes who's got a big old thick cock ring on the fact that carlos isn't gay is mind-blowing by the way he is they all are yeah carlos he is gay he's just not allowed to be it per his father you know when his dad dies he'll be able to do whatever he wants same with me how old's your pop uh 64 oh dude he's in the thick of it nice because everything is gay now he's like what are you gonna paint your nails you gay gay hurling insult where's your dad from uh mexico city oh my the most homophobic city yeah mexican that's the thing it's like everyone shits on whites the most racist homophobic people i've ever met in my life are non-white people. Non-white.
Yeah. Look up what's the most homophobic city in the United States.
Let's see who hates the gays the most. I'm going to say Mexico City's got to be way up there.
In the United States or in the world? In the world. I'm sorry.
In the world. Yeah, yeah.
Because the most homophobic city in the United States is Boston. 20 most dangerous places.
Yeah, it is 100%. Get out of here, dude, with your fucking cock rings and your butt plugs.
Fucking cock suckers. Fucking cock suckers.
All right, this is the 20th most dangerous places to live for homosexual men and women. I'll tell you what's not going to- Nigeria, number one.
I would say that's just a dangerous place to live, period. Period.
Period. I'm surprised it's not something in the Middle East.
Oh, Qatar. Qatar, yes.
There you are. Yemen coming through.
Yemen, big. Saudi.
Boom. Three for four.
Tanzania, taking it back. Iran.
let's go back. But again, white people are the problem, though.
White people are the devil. Here we go.
Read them out. We still haven't hit us.
Sudan, you haven't hit one of us. Barbados.
No, not even close. Nope.
These are all tourist destinations, but we don't live there. Zambia.
St. Lucia.
Oh, St. Lucia, beautiful island, though.
Uganda. Uganda.
Pakistan. Pakistan.
West Bank and the Gaza Kenya Maldives Jamaica

Ethiopia

Egypt

Let me stop you right there

I haven't seen Brooklyn

I didn't see Queens

You ready for this?

Let's go to the top five safest places for LGBTQ gays

Number one

Sweden

Sweden

Then Canada

White

Norway

White

Portugal

White kind of

Spanish white

Belgium

Waffles

I mean

I mean so the fact

But we're the enemies

But we're the enemy. Vote Republican.
Only way to fix this. Vote for us.
You know what we should get? We should get more Caitlyn Jenner's in public office because you want gay Republicans. Yes.
If you really want to mix up the system, you got to get gay Republicans. Now, she's against gay marriage, which is the weirdest thing i've ever heard about that is very strange i think she i don't know if she flipped back but for a long time she was against gay marriage meet the gay republicans this is a good article see but there should be more gay republicans well i think a lot of them flip the stigma dude yeah well isn't the guy um with the eye patch gay that guy who's the eye patches nah no he's not getting crenshaw or something like that Dan Crenshaw I thought that's where he got a cock in the eye was it like wasn't it friendly fire wasn't he shot by he was shot that's what he says he's friendly cum well that is friendly fire yeah hey Dan no he's not he's not gay but I do think there should be more gay just to mix it up I'm sick of the same old same old, same old.
Yeah. What about there's a gay guy in the NFL? There's a lot of gay men in the NFL.
But there's one open gay guy. Isn't he on the Rams? No.
Oh, he's on the Raiders. He's on the Raiders.
Yeah, because pirates. Why did butt pirate become a thing? Where did that come from? Butt pirate.
Maybe. Because pirates seem to be not gay.
They seem to be like, didn't they like loot and rob and rape and pillage? Yeah. Like the.
A hiney pirate, maybe because you're going like butt to butt. You're on the 7th seat.
No, they wouldn't sleep butt to butt. They'd sleep penis to butt to stack.
No, I'm saying as a pirate to go port to port, you're going butt to butt. You're a hiney pirate.
Where does butt pirate come butt pirate come from what's a rudy uh what does it say a rudy queer man who likes to ram his schooner into another man's glory hole well that's just fun to say i guess yes that's just nautical talk um there just seems to be a lot of urban definitions for it no origin oh he's trying to say black and he does afraid to say hey rudy rudy's here come on in let's give it up for the rude hey rudy how you doing rudy um are those kanye west boots those are dope put your mic up to your face we got started without you but we're happy that you're here that does rudy know what's going on it's her young ears it's too much does rudy know what's going on she the house she lives in is with the guy that works yeah so she knows okay do you know okay let's ask okay rudy do you know that uncle bobby went to rehab you know tito went to rehab yesterday yeah so there of course you know she lives there okay you know you know she's she acts innocent she's 40 you're a 40 year you're a 40 year old filipino man oh What's up? How did you learn today? How was school? Anything good? I didn't go to school. Because I switched classes, and I just didn't go to school because- George, what the fuck is going on? She did not report back to me this information.
I like this. A little sneaky snake.
What were you up to then? What did you do and you didn't go to school? I was trying to watch Casino. The movie Casino? You watched it? Yeah.
Wow. My favorite.
You like it? I'm so proud of you. It was okay.
What? Why? It's one of the greatest movies of all time. What didn't you like about Casino? I like that there were a lot of like stabbing yeah killing a lot of angry men yeah angry men you do like that you like angry men sometimes like yay that's my thing yeah so wait the stabbing you liked what would you have a favorite scene do you remember one scene that you liked i just just like, what's his name? Robert.
De Niro. I just like that he was giving Ginger a lot of jewelry.
I like that. Right.
The whole movie. That's your favorite part.
That's it. That she gets a lot of jewelry.
What's your favorite movie of all time? I don't know. Don't ask me that question.
She hates those questions. You can't do that, but do it again and do it more.
Okay, how about this? Okay, what is your favorite movie with an Asian American or with an Asian lead of all time? Who's your favorite Asian actor or actress? Jet Li. Who's your favorite Asian? Tito Bobby.
Tito Bobby. Really? Tito Bobby's your favorite? Not as an actor, just as an Asian.
he's your favorite Asian? Tito Bobby. Tito Bobby.
Really?

Tito Bobby is your favorite?

Not as an actor, just as an Asian.

He's your favorite Asian of all time?

Yeah, I guess.

He's up there for a lot of people's favorite Asian.

I mean, he's up there for mine.

That's an interesting question.

Like, I wonder if you posed who's your favorite Asian on Twitter,

if a lot of people would say Bobby Lee.

I would say mine are Lisa Ling. Love.
Yao Ming. Love.
It's got a rhyme now. Okay.
Chingo Bling. Chingo Bling.
Sing Sing. But my overall favorite Asian is Kim Jong-un.
Yeah, he's the best. Number one.
You like Kim Jong-un? Isn't he the president of North Korea? He's the leader. They don't have presidents.
I think he's the big dog. He's the big papa.
Yeah. He's an actor? Yes.
Yes, he is. He's acting like he doesn't want to kill everybody all the time.
But he does. He's acting like he might not bomb us all, but he's gonna.
That's where Bobby really went. He defected back home to North Korea.
Imagine. How funny.

Imagine they loved him.

I could see that Kim Jong-un loving him.

If they loved Rodman.

He loved Dennis Rodman.

Who else went up there?

Didn't Steven Seagal go up there or something like that?

Probably.

There was another famous guy that went up there, and they loved him.

Rudy, what class were you supposed to be at today?

Chemistry.

Ooh, you want to do some periodic table of elements? You to you want to uh gold uh fe what is fe fe is iron uh he didn't even know that no you didn't know that i did no fe no fe is um is one of my favorite asians um who who what is gold ag yeah ag is easy because i like ag um what is um barium ooh a or br ba or br i think br is barium but i'm not really sure ba baby girl got it do you want to work at somewhere in like what well i don't i don't understand what the point of chemistry and these classes your age, at 20 years old, why would you need to know chemistry? Because my major is biology. And in biology, you need to take chemistry.
Your major is biology? I like it. I've never known that.
I like it. I thought you were doing something with animals.
Yeah. Yeah, she's dissecting them.
Are you just killing them? You're slicing them up? I want to do that. I that i did that i was a physical therapist so i had to go through all that class i dissected uh uh gerbils rats cats humans how come you had so many gerbils on hand chris chris yes and we all want to thank chris in class for bringing home the gerbils to stay safe with him.
Yes. And they come back very excited and very wise for some reason.
They can figure out anything. They can know how to get around.
They're all a new coat of brown. Did I ever tell you...
Do you know people put gerbils in their butt? No. This is a real thing.
Yes. Why? Because it just gets in there and rummages around and kind of hits the prostate a lot.
And, you know, it's a nice orgasm. Because your tush, inside of your tush, is a maze, pretty similar to what they run them through for testing.
Do you know your butthole is a maze? Really? Yeah. Your butthole is a maze.
You know how everyone has an individual ear? Every ear canal looks different looks different your butthole looks like that inside and they used to have gerbil butthole races and you let them go at the same time you shoot a little gun and they and they'd run around your little butthole and they have to go touch your prostate bing and then and then run all the way back out but how do you know they touch the prostate because you oh you because you come everywhere yeah that's why they bing that's why yeah you know see like um a lot of nurses you know they wear that face shield covid a lot of them wear gerbil butthole racers 100 judges i saw a nurse on the flight uh by the way what a crazy weekend i want to talk about whoa crazy but i saw a nurse on the flight and she was wearing um scrubs you know what scrubs are? Yeah. And why did I ask you like you wouldn't know what scrubs are? Of course you don't.
Some people wouldn't. She didn't know what something was before.
No, no, no. It's not.
I know she's very intelligent. I know you're very intelligent.
It's just sometimes it's a youth thing. Yeah.
We might have a different word. Like if my dad used to say, don't park by the Johnny pump.
I was like, what the fuck's a Johnny pump? It's a fire hydrant. Is that what they call it? A Johnny pump? Johnny pump.
My dad calls a fire hydrant a Johnny pump. Were you with Tampa Tony this past weekend? I was with Tampa Tony this past weekend.
He was wearing diabetic socks. The girls loved him.
He took about 50 pictures and now he has a slight cough and body ache. So we'll see what happens.
He's got Roni might have it but he said he doesn't give a shit he had a good time in did he get vaxxed

yeah he got vaxxed he got the boosted his uh my stepmother made him my stepmother told him it was

a flu shot oh yeah yeah that's how to that's how we should be suckering people to get a vax yeah

she said it was it's a flu shot yeah how will they ever know no that's what he could you know he just

my dad's one of those guys they have that relationship she's been my stepmom 35 years

my dad doesn't do like the paycheck just goes to her. She's been with my stepmom 35 years ago.

My dad doesn't do,

like the paycheck just goes to her.

Like my dad does nothing.

She just calls him.

She feeds him.

He just shows up

and he's like,

what are we doing?

You know?

So she brought him to the doctor

and he was like,

she was like,

you need to at least get your flu shot.

And then she had told the doctor before,

don't tell him this is the COVID vaccine

or he'll never going to get it.

So they just fucking did it.

I got to tell you,

that's a pretty efficient way

of getting it done.

Yeah.

Did you get the booster? Did you feel sick? was really i had a headache sore and yeah did you get it the booster yeah no no because i had the shot and i had covid yeah and i think it was too close to i think i'm up officially i think i'm uh what is it called i'm like um eligible for it now in the month of january yeah so now i'm eligible for i'm eligible in march yeah because you got the second shot was yeah yeah i mean i don't know if i want to get the the boost man yeah did you guys boost up didn't do anything to me yeah but you can also i got the booster uh two weeks before i got covid really yeah yeah so yeah i remember we ate dinner and he called me he was like by the way i have did you get covid bad were you really sick uh no it wasn't that bad you know there's an article online about people that men are losing penis size because of covid i don't believe it though look it up no no i know i've seen the article but do you believe it yes anything on the internet is believable but how could you lose penis size i think that said something about skin shrinkage like your skin is deteriorating well that's when you got to get warts well you got warts grow skin back oh i call it extra skin layers yeah like i'm like a rainbow cookie coronavirus lingers in penis and could cause impotence so that's why i'm smaller because i've been i've i've i've really been actually having a well you haven't gotten a boner in about 15 years it's been very tough to get an ere erection. You gotta pump it up like a bike pump.
You know, Jasmine's very beautiful, Puerto Rican, but I just, it's like, I'm just mashing it up, a softie, right up against her thigh. It's a wet noodle? It's very embarrassing.
How do you feel about Puerto Ricans? Do you know any Puerto Ricans? No, I don't. I don't have any friends.
No Puerto Rican friends? Do you have any Mexican island friends? Cubans? I would think the Filipinos- Any Spanish, I should say? Not Mexican. They're the Puerto Ricans of Asia.
So racist. Would Filipinos be the Puerto Ricans of Asia? Would the king of China be like the Puerto Ricans are the Philippine? Like the king of Spain would say the Puerto Ricans are the Puerto Ricans.
And I wonder if the king of China would say the Puerto Ricans are the Filipinos. Is there a king of China? No, but you know.
It feels like there is. It feels like it is.
The emperor, whatever his name, Xi Jinping. Oh, Zhang Zhizhuang.
Zhang Zizhuang. I want to go to China so bad just to see the...
No, they don't want you there. Why? No.
What do you mean? You don't want to go to China. Why? No.
They got pandas in the wild. Yeah, that's true.
But you do not want to go to China. Not right now, because you're Muslim.
And what they're doing is they're taking Muslim people... What do you mean? I can pray there.
No, but they're shaving their heads in certain provinces and putting them on trains into concentration camps. Get out of town.
So you're a dead, you know, I mean, you look as Muslim as anyone I've ever seen. Well, I didn't take up Muslimity until very recently, but I've been thinking about it.
I've been always thinking, man, I got to be a Muslim at some point. And you're still Christian? Catholic, baby.
Catholic. And I'm back at church.
See, it's one of those things where like people go, how could you go back to church with all the stuff going on with the priest? I said, that's why I'm going back. I'm looking for some cock.
You were an altar boy, weren't you? Oh, yes, I was. Shout out Father Bill.
There was a couple of times. Father Bill.
Father Bill. Did he get in trouble yet? He didn't, but it was funny.
It's on the way. Me and a couple of my friends who went to the grammar school that I went to in the high school I went to,

there was a big article that came out in the New York Times that exposed like 100 parishes in the New York City area

and like 200 priests.

And we were reading that list with our hearts like that.

Like, I wonder if one of us got it.

I wonder if one of them got us.

I wonder if one of them got us.

And then there was one priest that we all knew.

Oh. Yeah.
What's his name? Father Bill. Oh, Father Bill.
Yeah. And then we were all like, whoa.
And it was me and my three other friends. And then one of my friends made believe he had to take a – well, we didn't know this at the time, but he said – he took a phone call.
He's like, and then he never came back. I was like, ooh-ooh.
I think he got hit. Oh, no.
Father Bill. Well, but you make fun of him.
It's what friends are for. He's dead, by the yes he's killed himself from alcoholism well what are you gonna do what can you do you gotta hide it somehow you got clipped i know that's so weird that you said grammar school my mother says that too but i said elementary school do you know what grammar school is no do you call it elementary school yeah see did you grow up in the in the philippines yeah she's still there now she's not here oh that's right you're in the philippines yeah she's the Philippines.
This is broadcasting from the Philippines? Yeah. She's still there now.
She's not here. Oh, that's right.
You're in the Philippines. Yeah, she's in the Philippines.
This is broadcasting from the Philippines. She moved here only how many years ago? Two years ago.
I told you, I don't know if I said this the last time, but when I was a physical therapist, I worked with a lot of Filipino people. A lot of them are physical therapists and they're so good because out of all the Asians, they have the smallest hands.
They do. That's a fact.
Google Filipino people have the smallest hands. That's a regular size hand.
No, Filipino people have the smallest hands. That's why they're very good at massages because they can get in the vertebrae because they have little baby hands.
So Filipinos have very, very small hands. So what race has the smallest hands? What race has the smallest hands? What do we think? I mean, Filipinos seem, Malaysia, Philippines, relative lengths of hand size.

Do black people have bigger hands than any race? Oh, yeah, they have to.

Yeah, they got it.

They have to.

They have to have the biggest hands and the biggest feet.

Not the biggest penises, though.

Who do you think has the biggest penises?

I truthfully in my heart believe that I think the biggest penises are from Mongolian men. Irish people.
Irish people. You think Irish people? No.
It's a classic that they have small penises. Irish people.
I bet you. Okay.
We all know that black – Google this, please. We all know that most likely that the African nation of Africa probably has men with the biggest penis size.
Who has the biggest balls is what really I'd like to – Oh, that's way more interesting. Because that's more interesting because that's not necessarily black men.
Who do you think has the biggest balls, Rudy? Big sigh. What does Reddit say? German? She says Germans.
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Penis girth. Oh, yeah.
Wow. East Asian, the smallest on both.
Smallest balls, huh? And smallest girth, unfortunately. Now, what does it matter if you have big balls? Does it mean anything if you have big balls? I would think that it would mean, I would think a woman would look at a man's testicles and the bigger, the better, because I think it might subconsciously tell her there's more sperm in there, higher chance to get me pregnant, which is what subconsciously just sex is.
Yeah, I know. But look, at the gym that I go to, I see guys shower sometimes.
I see guys with massive, massive balls and really small penises. So that's an offset.
That can't, nobody wants huge balls with a small penis. You'd rather have regular regular balls in a regular penis what i have that's unfortunate is i have uh i have relatively small testicles but a huge sack you're so you got you get so much gum down it's just so much skin yeah it's so much excess did you ever stretch it over your hand like a watch you know you know guys that could do that in high school no no did you ever stretch it over your you could pull it over your wrist could you guys are you know what i'm talking about somebody puts our you can you do it carlos i feel like i can actually you have big enough balls yeah oh that's nuts rudy come on cut it out being gross sometimes i'll wake up in the middle of night and jasmine has my sack she's using it like a blanket like a snug it's a snuggy that's a love sack yeah it's a beanbag my nuts are beanbag um i just would rather not have huge balls in a really small penis because i see guys in the gym sometimes and they're older guys because your balls just never stop it's like your ears nose and your balls now i'll tell you what i know you probably don't know this but i'm being dead serious and i know he's a close friend of yours but there's no way in hell travis kelsey doesn't have a huge cock with huge balls there is no possible way yeah he doesn't have at least eight with, I would say, maybe his testicles might hang 10, 11 inches.
We measured the other day. You seen it? Yeah, I went to his house.
I was at his house literally after the game yesterday. We measured.
See that Voss bottle? Yes. That's about the length and the girth soft.
Wow. Yeah.
So does he have kids? No, not yet. Because I was going to say it's going to be hard to impregnate because you kill every woman you have sex yeah he does he's killed about 13 yeah yeah yeah it's insane yeah he's the best i love him to death and the great win for the kansas city chiefs i got a lot of hate online was uh people were like oh you're a bears fan like dude if one of your good buddies yeah was a hall of fame tight end yeah and was going into playoffs you'd go and root for them too because that's fun to do yeah my father's the biggest yankees fan of all time like diehard yankees fan he there was a show that i was doing in the city once and it was hosted being hosted by david ortiz my dad was there in the front row like a little fucking girl yeah salivating waiting to just get a picture with david ortiz yeah because we love we're all i i love the sports just love sports.
Yeah. I love the sports.
What am I going to tell Kelsey? It's like, shut up. These people are idiots.
They're idiots. No, but they were like, oh, fair weather fan.
You're like, okay, so I shouldn't go have fun. So my career has put me in a place to where I have friends with NFL athletes and I shouldn't go to their home after they just got to the AFC championship game.
Yeah, it's insane. It's so dope.
Did you guys stay out till five o'clock in the morning? We partied until I had to leave. My flight literally left this morning.
I left Kansas City at 6.33 a.m. Your flight left? I landed in LA at 9 a.m.
So you had to be on the plane, be at the airport by 5.30. Yeah, I literally went from the house to the hotel, grabbed my shit and went to the the airport.
Zero, not one second of sleep in Kansas City after the game?

No.

I mean, I was packing.

I probably slept on the plane two hours of the three-hour and 20-minute flight.

Did you-

I'm buzzing right now, buddy.

Yeah.

All the guys.

I lost my voice.

You can hear.

How long did they stay at Kelsey's house?

Everybody was there for a long time.

Kelsey's the party house.

I mean, it was last night. Yeah.
It was awesome. Was Patrick Mahomes' brother there? Was his brother there? His brother was in the suite, was in their suite, and then they came over to say hi.
But his wife came, Brittany came, and Pat hung out for a long time. And then he left, and then Trav and everybody were playing beer, just drinking games.
Did Coach Andy Reid come or no? Andy Reid stopped by. Really? I'd buy you a cheeseburger.
That's what he said. Now, he would never.
Can you imagine? I wonder what a coach like Andy Reid does when he wins something like that. Where does he go? A guy like Andy Reid.
I think he probably goes to a Denny's, yeah. Yeah, just hangs out.
Yeah, I think he goes to a Denny's. I think he probably puts on the local news.
Look at the walrus, man. He's the boss.
That guy's the shit. What does he look like to you? What kind of guy does he look like, Rudy? Like, does that guy look like a sweet white guy, an angry white guy, a cool? He's like a pedophile.
Okay. Interesting.
All right. Yep.
You think he does? Yeah. Yeah.
Why is it the way he's holding the football? What is it? Look at that. Oh, is he saying, Shen, send over one kid.
What is that? Like his eyes and mustache. No, he's not.
He's a sweet, smart, wonderful man. He lost a ton of weight.
She says that about everybody. She said that about Carlos.
She said Carlos looks like a pedophile. No, I didn't say that.
Yes, he did. Carlos does look, he looks like a creep, Carlos.
But that's the irony is Carlos looks more pedophilic. No, that's so sweet.
Well, look, Carlos like this, but then when he takes his hat off, it's bad. Oh, he looks more pedophilic no carlos like this but then when he takes his hat off it's bad what do you oh he's like more more pedophilic look you've never seen all this earlier is that a word oh yeah okay how about now how about now wait hold on hold is it on camera all right how about now now put now against andy reed beautiful the wonderful walrus, and this man.
Who do you think? Come on.

Carlos is a bit scary.

Carlos is a bit scary.

But now put a hat on.

Put a hat on.

And normal sweet guy.

Yeah.

There it is.

Take it off.

Take it off.

Hide your kids.

Yeah.

Put the hat back on.

Hide your wife.

This guy, a babe magnet.

Dude, when he took his hat off at the Trash Tuesday podcast, I fell out of my fucking chair why don't you buzz it now uh i like it i think it's funny can i tell you something it is it is but can i tell you something confidence you know why because you're you have a handsome face yes because you have very nice eyes and you have a very handsome face so it doesn't even matter you pull it off and i've seen seen Ari Shafir grow his hair out like that. Same thing.

Or a guy Stavros.

Yeah, I love Stavros.

That's so funny.

It's so insane and I think a woman looks at it

and it's like,

this dude is so confident.

He must have a huge cock

and I'm going to blast my butt.

Blast me.

Break my back.

Yeah.

But are you single right now?

Yeah.

The young man is out on the prowl.

So ladies,

write in to

give me that

give me that beefy bald at gmail.com and we'll try to set you up the date with carlos are you interested in going on some dates with yeah sure some of the field yeah open it up i'm into it you might as well you know because otherwise one day you're gonna turn around you're gonna flip around you got two kids with puerto rican and you know you're living in staten island and you're floating away you know what it is you got your cholesterol is at about 280 i need my second divorce so let's get did you get divorced he knocked out one yeah whoa and you're a young guy what happened just didn't work out we should have just probably been how long into the marriage did you know you fucked up like a minute like four years i would say and then wait a minute uh you guys are still cool though right no she lives in she lives in Portland now. It didn't end well.
Well, I mean, I thought we were cool. And then I looked at her Instagram like a year and a half after our divorce.
Like I didn't look at all. And I saw- She was at all of Andrew Santino's comedy shows.
Yeah. Front row with her tits out.
No, you know what's funny is I thought that that was going to be the be the case she's gonna be like partying and stuff and like going out with rock stars or whatever yeah she's been in a relationship like the whole time and she just had a baby like oh that hurts last week that stings a little bit did you congratulate her on the baby of course not yeah what if they named the baby carlos how fucking what a stinger oh my god and yeah it's a good name does that bother you a little bit that she has procreated with someone else i'll tell you this it's so weird but it did not bother me at all not even a little bit no i was so excited to tell my therapist like every time i was like oh she has a boyfriend i don't care it's weird she has a baby she's pregnant whatever i never care it's funny like he comes into his therapist with his hair in his head like that and she's like it doesn't bother me he's fucking looking at you wild she's like would you like some medication would you like some xanax do you like carlos more or less now that you've seen him without a hat on yeah i like him more see wow because you got a sweet smile you do you got a really nice smile and you've always had like a nice sweet face i think that's what's that's what it is though is like people don't even see it they just see your beautiful little smile did you swap out carlos with fancy because they're like a spaniard first fancy got extradited back to spain for for what did he do for well he had sex crimes yeah you know what's interesting fancy when i saw he i think he was what was he doing george it was like something he was like shipping old ladies across borders you know You know how they say like, you'd see those signs at airports that are like, hey, if it's human trafficking. Yeah.
You know, and like, whatever, please report it. This guy was taking geriatric human trafficking to a whole new level.
He would- Alzheimer's patients. Alzheimer's patients.
This guy, he would trick Alzheimer's patients into, he'd be like, no, no, no, we're going to see your kids. I'm your cousin.
I'm, remember? And they remember and they're like oh my cousin and he would trick these old women and he'd pimp them out he's been pimping old men and women for about four or five years you know what's so fucking weird is because when i was here the last time you know when i was with i was with my kids fancy dropped us off you know we went to the market and he dropped us off and then we were unloading the car and he goes hey do you guys mind if i take one of those boxes of diapers and i was like what did he need why do you want diapers for he was like i just you know i just would you just mind that it's kind of for a bit but now it makes sense he was using them for the small elderly people that fit into yep my kids diapers 100 and they caught him i think they got 67 or 68 cases of fancy so where did he go do we not Do we not know? Spain. He got extradited to Spain.
To Spain. To España.
Yeah. And they're charging him with crimes against bureaucratic humanities.
So he's in trouble, dude. Who knows if he'll come back? Yeah, I know.
Are you going to miss him? Yeah. Yeah.
Can't get him back. I mean, look, if you want to go to...
Okay, so we got a letter the other day asking us who wants to go testify on his behalf.

And George and Bryce, myself all said, no, thank you.

I'm not going to go to court to fight for this guy who's been human trafficking people that are 65 and up.

I thought you liked him.

I do.

But do you want to go to court for him?

Yeah.

You're willing to go to court for fancy.

Wow.

Wow.

What is it?

What's the reason if he's if he's trafficking old women and men and men they're old they are gonna die and the case she's right yeah do we really care about the elderly the gallery goes sold sold listen let him leave yeah you're right they are old they are the oldest person that you know. My grandma.
How old is she? She's 75. That's like my parents.
That's so funny. It's crazy.
Grandmother. Yeah.
My dad's like 77, 75. That's it.
That's she's, she's young and she probably looks young. Doesn't she? The Islanders, bro.
They live forever. I know.
I know the Islanders. That's my favorite hockey team.
No, it's not. Yes, it is.
What do you think the diet is that makes the island people live so long? Is it rice and pineapples and stuff? Fish, right? It's a lot of fish. A lot of fish.
You guys don't eat a lot of bread. No real sweets, right? There's no desserts in the Asian culture.
Yeah, there is. What are you talking about? No, no, no.
But nothing like deep, starchy, sugary. It's like fruit desserts.
Wait a minute, though. Carlo, look at it.
It's the average age of the Philippines, 71 years. So, by the way,

it seems better to live in North Korea than it does the Philippines.

North Koreans lasted how long? 83?

83.23. No, South Korea

was 83. Oh, sorry.

North Korea's got to be way longer. No, it's slower.

Oh. What's the average lifespan?

I wonder why. Who's the longest

lifespan? Is it the Japanese? Oh, it's got to be

like the Swedish or something, the Swiss or

something. You know what I mean? One of the Nordic countries.
No, I think

it's Japan. I bet it comes from treating

the LGBTQ community well. I bet

Yeah, absolutely. lifespan is it the japanese oh it's got to be like the swedish or something the swiss or something you know what i mean one of the no i think it's i think it's japan i bet it comes from treating the lgbtq community well i bet it does too hong kong no dude no they hate they hate these guys are all bigots japan is too you see switzerland i said switzerland number three i was right and singapore four interesting yeah look at this we're not even in the top 10 what year do you want to die die at? If you perfectly, what age would you like to die at? Perfect.
Would you do a thing if you could, both questions for everybody. Would you do a thing right now if you said you're going to die at this age? But you might, if you picked it though, you're going to live to that age, but it doesn't matter.
You could be a paraplegic. You're going to stay alive to that age.
100. 100.
100 on the nose. I just think there's something cool about dying at 100.
You lived a century you ready for this my grandmother died on her 100th birthday shut i swear she died at about four o'clock in the morning four hours into her 100th birthday and when you turn 100 you get a card from the president so she got a card she's the only person in history we believe she accidentally got a card from president ronald reagan on her 99th birthday saying congratulations being 100 and then she got the second card on her 100th birthday that you know my family opened what like right before her funeral so she has two cards from president renault reagan different dates saying you know congratulations do you have these cards where my mother has them yeah i was like i said to my mom I don't think there's anybody, like, that might be like a Guinness record. That's my credit.
That's the only thing I could do to sell tickets. This next guy coming to the stage, you've seen him on podcasts.
His grandmother lived to be 100, got a letter from the president. Chris DeStefano.
Yeah. Come see me.
I never heard of that, that the president sends you a letter when you turn 100. I don't know if it still happens, but they got a letter.
Probably stop with Obama. Yeah.

Fuck it.

Now you get a fucking email.

Imagine how much of that sucks. They don't even bother to send.

You know what?

You know what?

Obama don't even say he sent you an email.

They don't even write letters no more.

Fuck them all.

Oh, look at that.

Does the president send you a letter on your 100th birthday?

No.

The president does not call.

Birthday and other greens.

Oh, you can.

You can request. You can request a birthday greeting from the president requested where have we been dude maybe my you know my grandfather great-grandfather fought in world war one and he used to tell stories about world war one that were nuts there's a documentary called they shall not grow old that peter jackson who directed Lord of the Rings, he colorized and put words into like had lip syncing experts take this old World War I footage and colorized it and made like the real thing.
Dude, it was out of control. You know, my grandfather used to say this.
He says a lot of guys would die in the toilet. And I was like, what do you mean? I remember being like 12 years old.
He was like, yeah, guys would die in the toilet.

Like they'd be so weak that their heads would just fall into the toilet.

And like they would drown in, you know, shit and piss.

And then they said that word for word pretty much in the documentary,

like a common way to die because they were all dying of dysentery.

So they said they had no energy.

So something would happen where they would just fall into a toilet.

And then that's it.

Look at Don DePettis here.

Oh, you pig perv. Pig perv.
Speaking of speaking of pedophile here look go go a little bit closer uh how about this idiot does he look like a pedophile what do you think a little bit yeah but is it worse than carlos yeah who's worse no i like carlos we like carlos we like carlos we like this guy look at this guy. This guy gave me COVID.
He gave me COVID the first time.

He's the one that went.

He's the one.

He's the one.

Done.

That's his legend is that he gave me COVID.

That's what I bring up onto stage.

We're doing the Agora Theater in Cleveland.

This guy gave Santino COVID.

Yeah.

But you know what?

No one else really got it.

No one else really got it.

How was the show in Kansas City, by the way?

Did it turn out okay?

The theater ready?

I had a great time.

St. Louis, Kansas City was so fun, man.
I had great time those those midwest people came out in droves man and the theaters were really nice you're did you you're you're did i'm doing them i'm not doing st louis in kansas city i'm doing um the warner theater in washington dc on february 11th and on february 12th i'm doing the tabernacle oh you're in atlanta yeah and then Agora Theater and Royal Oak Theater in Michigan

in Detroit, Agora in Cleveland,

March 4th and 5th. Those I heard are fun.

Those I heard are fun. Are you doing those?

And then, guess what? Me and you

are doing Green Bay, Wisconsin.

We're doing Green Bay, Wisconsin, March

24. Four?

March 23.

March 23, Green Bay, Wisconsin.

March 24th, I'm at the win in Las Vegas. March 25th, you're at the win in Las Vegas.
25th you're at the win in Las Vegas wait I thought it was March 26th okay so I'm March 25th you're right I mean it doesn't really matter March 24th I do want to look it up we are playing Green Bay and you've never been to Wisconsin I've never been to Wisconsin so we are co-headlining together you and I at the Widener Center on March 24th and then March 25th I'm at the win in Las Vegas and March 26th And March 26th, Andrew Santino is at the Wynn in Las Vegas. That's correct.
So just make it a Chrissy Santino weekend. Look at us.
A Chrissy Tino weekend. Chrissy Tino at the Wiener Center.
Yeah, why did they name it the Wiener Center? I don't know. It's pretty stoops-ma-goops.
You know what we got to do? We got to reach out to somebody because it's going to be the offseason. They got to take us over to Lambeau Field so we can see.
I've never stepped foot inside. Have you? We got to go.
You've been? We got to go. You saw, did you say the bears there? Did you see the bears play there? No.
Who'd you see play there? Nobody. I've been to the outside.
I've never been inside. How did you wind up getting to Green Bay? Did you do a show over there once? No.
One time I went to Green Bay to go visit a family friend. Girl? No.
No, no, no. This is like an older woman.
What were you doing, Andrew?

You know.

I was kidnapping her to take her back to Fancy B, that perv.

He's like, I need some Green Bay pussy for me.

For my list.

No, we went to go see my buddy's aunt.

And I got to go

see it from the outside, but I've never been in it.

I've never been to a game up there. I've never been.

I would love to do it. We've got to reach out.
We're at the Wiener Center.

Tell them, come on over. Hey, yeah.
We should bring Rudy. You want love to do it.
We got to reach out. We're at the Wiener Center and tell them, come on over.

Hey, yeah.

We should bring Rudy.

You want to go to Green Bay?

Rudy's checked out.

What do we do there?

Okay.

The attitude.

What do you mean?

There's breweries that you can drink at 18 there.

You can have a drink.

There you go.

A lot of big white men.

Look at how nice the weather is.

It's 11 degrees outside.

There's cheese curds.

You like cheese curds?

What are those? A lot of constipated men. Show her what cheese curds are you never seen them no they're like little nuggets of cheese you put on fries with gravy what about that tell me that doesn't look she likes it yeah you like fatty food they squeak when you eat them don't you think he seems the most pedophilic now after that they squeak when youak when you eat them.
Go get your van. That should be a sound bite.
That's how you know a good cheese curd. It's fresh if it squeaks.
Well, it kind of does. It does make a little poppy sound.
It does have a little sound. I don't love them, to be honest with you.
You don't like cheese curds? I don't love cheese curds. I don't hate them, but I don't love them.
Do you like poutine? You know how the Canadians, they do cheese curds and gravy? Cheese grosses me out. Get out of time.
I'll tell you what.

I can't eat cold cheese.

I can only eat warm cheeses.

I can only eat a melted cheese.

You can't have shredded cheese on a taco?

That I can eat sometimes.

But if there was a cold cheese platter, I would not take a bite out of any of it.

You're nuts.

Sharp cheddar?

You don't want to put a little sharp cheddar on a cracker?

Zero.

I don't think I've ever eaten that once in my entire life.

I'm stunned.

Stunned, right?

I do not like a cheese board.

You know what? out of any of it you're nuts sharp cheddar you don't want to put a little sharp cheddar on a cracker zero i've never i don't think i've ever eaten that once in my entire life i'm stunned stunned right i do not like a cheese board you know something and my buddy in maine maybe it's maine no vermont my buddy from vermont he puts a slice of sharp cheddar cheese tillamook cheddar cheese on apple pie whoa have you ever heard of this no so this is the thing vermont my buddy from vermont have you ever done that you ever put cheese on pie no I don't like pie you don't like pie you don't like pie apple pie with cheddar cheese good for you look at this Vermont cheddar cheese it is Vermont it's a thing up there they do that they put a slice of cheese on the pie with it and apparently it's knockout I haven't done it but I think I kind of want because I'm getting a little porky pork right now you know what daddy's up to to right now? What are you up to? 206. Whoa.
You know what? What do you think I'm up to? 217. Baby.
225? 242. Oh.
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Oh, daddy got the dice. 2.42, are you really? 2.42.
My God. I'm fat.
You're not fat. Do you think it's okay, Rudy, that I'm fat like this? Does he look fat? You don't look fat.
But I feel fat, and that's what it's about. It's about how you feel.
You're never going to get fat. No, she doesn't even eat apple pie.
Do you know any islanders that are fat? Is there any Filipinos back home that are fat? My mom and dad.

Oh, shit.

Are they short and fat?

No, my mom and dad are pretty tall.

What do they eat to make them fat?

Because most people I feel like in the Philippines aren't fat.

Pork, a lot of pork.

Pork product's bad for you.

We're going to get bombed for this episode.

This episode's bombing. This episode is bombing.

No, we're doing good.

No, we're doing good.

We're having a good time. You know what? We're thrown off because dad lost his voice.
Our dear friend Bobby, in all seriousness, had to go away to go get help. And we're proud of him.
And we're happy. And I hope he finds what he needs.
That's what I think I'm supposed to say now. I hope you find what you need.
I'm seriously. I'm not even lying.
I'm seriously, truthfully, considering taking testosterone. No.
you don't think i should do it i mean i did i think the downsides hide it you know look what's the downside doesn't it shrink your balls yeah but my balls are already small yeah so you want smaller balls because my sack is they're not grown into my sack they would have by now oh you got so much sack i told you my test i know extremely small but you got so much sack left over you just want iticles are extremely small. But you got so much sack left over.

You just want it to be just a sack.

So silly putty, you could roll the newspaper on it and read it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

My nut, it's so much skin.

It's like actually like insane.

Is your balls are sensitive?

If I tapped your balls, do you flinch like that?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh.

I do.

I have very hypersensitive balls.

Because they're a little tiny.

Because they're very tiny. And my sack is just so thin it's like a cape it's a little cape for your ball your little superman balls it's a little cape on their nut cape yeah and um and uh is it hard to trim your nuts because your sack is so loose and big i can't shave my pubes because jasmine thinks i'm cheating on her if i shave my pubes wait a minute she doesn't want you to clean up i'm not I'm not allowed to.
I have to have a full bush at all times. I can shave them, but it causes a fight for a year because she'll...
Like, I'm very itchy right now, especially with the heat on. Like, I would love to shave my pubes before this trip, but I can't because if I do that, she will be like, you're cheating on me.
And I'm like, I'm not. I mean, I am, but I'm not.
What if you shave your pubes while you're at home? Then she'll think, I can do that, but then I can't.

There was one time where I shaved my pubes, and then I had to cancel a couple of dates.

A couple of nicks.

Yeah.

A couple of nicks.

No, no, no.

No, because if I'm going to shave my pubes.

You got to stay at home.

I got to stay at home.

I cannot get on a plane or go anywhere.

I can't even go outside.

I get so scared every time I trim, honestly, always. I don't care if they've got the newest technology i get scared every time i do it don't you get scared every time yeah i get a little nervous i just think of the like i don't know if they're a sponsor but do you use manscaped yeah because that are they a sponsor yeah they are great yeah no we talked about it i do love them but i'm just saying i still get scared i don't care right i still get scared because it's two razors going like this to my nutsack.

I still get scared.

I see like an old movie when someone's in a barber shop, you know, and he's like, and

they, you know, like ketchup packet and they fake it.

In my mind, I'm like, I bet you that's, I'm just going to get too close and my nuts going

to flood out.

It's just one ball just falls right out.

My pubic hair.

Like, to be honest with you, my pubic hair looks a little bit like Carlos's head.

Let me see. See, like, it's stringy like see.
It's stringy like that. The top, yeah.
Carlos looks wild. He's a wild looking guy.
He might look more nuts than Stavros. Right now, you look like Gallagher.
Can we pull up Stavros? Comedian. S-T-A-V-R-O-S.
Stavros. Yeah,akha halakha yeah there we go i mean it's who looks crazier to you who looks crazier carlos or stavros carlos is crazy wow wow well show him the picture or the picture one when he lost his tooth go to that one because his tooth fell out how about now no still carlos still carlos i don't know i don't know this for a fact but i'm assuming.
And I'm sure if we could get in touch with him, he would let us know. By the way, he's one of the funniest comics around.
He kills me. He's great service.
He's so funny. But I bet you he gets a ton of women.
Because when you go out like that, you are so oozing with confidence to a woman. I bet you he gets a ton of girls.
Yeah, of course. But do you think he's attractive? Truthfully.
You don't think he pulls it off who's a very handsome man to you oh god we've done this on oh you have i'm sorry no no but it's fine but go ahead handsome man she loves harry styles harry styles she can't get enough of this guy she fucking look they she cannot right i just disagree why not it's just because he looks and this is not don't get mad at me communities he looks too femme he just doesn't look that's fine that's what makes him hot no yeah i want i want a tough guy no i want to throw me around yeah i want someone to beat the shit out of me that's what i like that's why i like tom hardy because i know he's gonna fucking headbutt me and then suck my cock yeah who who out of the comics do you think is there anybody handsome pete davidson i know we did this thing she did this she talked about this it drives me nuts so not me no no not even a little bit pdd pdd we know pdd very well i was with pdd uh last week at the patrice o'neill benefit dude bob's uh rich voss rich voss is you know rich voss yes so so far rich voss he was killing us at the patrice o'neill benefit he hosted the show he opened up there's 2700 people there he opens a show he goes um he goes what's up everybody welcome to the show he goes uh bob saget told me he'd rather be dead than be in a lineup with pete davidson it's like bob saget had died like two days before then he's bringing me onto stage my god he brings me onto stage and and he whispers in my ear he goes patrice would have hated you have a good show did you know patrice no i never met him i was so i always loved that guy i thought he was so yeah i don't know there was like part of that arrow of guys that were just way above and beyond then he goes then he goes then he goes come on guys let's end the show before nicky glazer writes a song about patrice because you heard that thing where she wrote a song about bob sagitt yeah which i know it's funny it got passed to me by like five different people yeah it was funny but but it was just like good bits what what did you listen to it i didn't listen to it it, no. Oh, it's a sincere song.
I don't know. It got sent to me a few times.
I didn't see it, but I saw that she posted it. Well, Nikki's cool enough where she would have laughed at that joke if she was in the crowd.
Of course. Yeah.
You got to laugh at your own bullshit. Yeah, we all do.
She's doing... I just saw her do something else.
Now that you made me... She was doing something like a Jimmy Fallon.
They have a game show together.

Yeah, she gets a lot.

Shuffling, dude.

She's in there, man.

Do you like Nikki?

Who's Nikki?

Nikki Glaser.

She's beautiful.

Are you attracted to women at all?

Because people under 21, usually there's no sexual orientation.

Well, the lines are blurred.

Right.

You're allowed to do whatever you want.

So what did you think?

Is she good? Hotter than Harry Styles or no? No, Harry Styles is the best. So nobody's hotter than Harry Styles? Yeah.
On earth. But she's also hot.
Yeah. She looks German too.
But you still think Harry Styles is the hottest guy that has ever lived? Harry Styles will wear Nikki Glaser's clothes. That's fine.
And her skin. Yeah.
He's gonna rip

her skin right off her body and wear it.

That's fine. That's Miss Nikki Glaser.

No, so you don't, but you don't, you don't want

a guy, guy, guy, bro guy. You like a

very soft, sensitive, in touch with

his emotions guy. I like anything

as long as he's confident. Nobody

in the comedy scene. No dating in the comedy

scene. Can't do that.
I'm not dating anyone.

Well, you do

whatever you want. She's not dating anybody, but last time

she told her she wanted to get her.

Thank you. comedy scene no dating in the comedy scene can't do that anyone she's not well you do whatever you want she's not dating anybody but last time she told she wanted to get her what did you say she wanted her body count to go up oh my god i know she goes i want a high body count i was like right wow geez did your dad ever dv the birds and the bees talk my dad told me what my dad told me was this he said um when i got jasmine pregnant um uh you know and now we have beautiful family when i got her pregnant he said he goes remember your last girlfriend when i said you dodged a bullet with that one and you didn't believe me i go yeah he goes well now with this one you got shot he goes it ain't a fatal wound but you got shot you got clipped you got clipped my dad, you got shot.
That's what he said. He goes, it ain't a fatal wound, but you got shot.
You got clipped. You got clipped.
But then you got shot again. Yeah, yeah.
You got shot twice. I got shot, but my dad got the booster.
My dad never talked to me about sex, really. Neither did my mother.
We went to Catholic school, and they didn't talk to us about it either. So they just refused.
So I actually i actually never ever ever was spoken to about what sex is um i remember i asked one of my aunts once is during sex do people kiss and she goes that'd be nice but that's not what your uncle does that's what and i remember being seven years old washing my hands being like i don't know what that means people kiss she's when they have sex she's like they spit on each other sometimes that's kind of like kissing yeah she goes yeah your uncle eats my asshole out a little bit but he kisses my butthole yeah so did you guys have the sex talk when you were kids with my with you remember i don't remember really but i think my dad tried to have it at the mall once with me and then he was just over in front of journeys no it's like in front of sbarro i would end up it's a great spot though that's where I took Jasmine out on our second date to a Sbarro I took her to a Fat Joe concert and then a Sbarro no swear to god that's why you guys have kids that's why and I bang you're gonna bang and you're taking a fat joke to it she goes this guy really likes me how about this TT Jerry who's the transgender Puerto Rican member of my family she was talking about death the other night like i don't know why she was like i just want to let you guys know that if i was to die tomorrow like you guys you made me so happy and and my life started good and it ended good and she was like and it's just beautiful because you put me on your broadcast the chrissy chaos broadcast she calls that she calls podcast because you put me on your broadcast well it is a broadcast it's broadcast and she goes in and you have such beautiful, and I love you so much. And I started to tear up.
Jenny was like, oh, my God. And she goes, Chris, why are you crying? She goes, you know I'm going to be sucking dick in heaven.
That's how she gets into the gates. My daughter was eating oatmeal.
She's like, what? What did Jerry say? I was like, earmuffs. They're at the gate.
God's like, you cannot get in, TT. Yeah.
He's like, watch me. I'm like.
How funny would that be? Like she just gets in there and starts sucking cock. Like she's sucking everybody's cock.
Sucking my way through heaven. The T.T.
Jerry afterlife story. I want to animate that.
She genuinely tries to blow Jesus. Why did she talk about that? That's so sad.
I don't know. I i was upset by it there's a bunch like famous last words of atheists and for some reason they had like a list of famous atheists and i don't know where i saw maybe it's like tiktok or some bullshit like that where a guy's like unknown facts about den and an and an but it was like the last right yeah famous atheist and and one like, oh, no, I was so wrong.
But there was a bunch of them. Famous atheist last words, unbelievers in death, Voltaire.
What did Voltaire say? I'll highlight it. Yeah, Voltaire.
Oh, Thomas Paine is a good one. You know who Thomas Paine is? No, let me see Thomas Paine.
He was the first. Thomas Paine was the man.
He wrote Common Sense. He was like the first guy to ever go viral.
Let's see what he said. What did he he say zoom in on that can you just he was he was the revolutionary war he he was the one who was he was the first one writing writing popping shit against the british so he said stay with me god's sake i cannot bear to be left alone oh lord help me oh god what have i done to suffer so much what will become of me hereafter i would give worlds if i had.
That age of reason never been published. Oh, Lord, help me.
Christ, help me. No, don't leave.
Stay with me. Send even a child to stay with me.
For I am on the edge of hell here alone. If the devil had an agent, I have been that one.
Wow. So he believed.
But how did they write that down with a feather tip pen dipping in the ink?'s no way they got feather boys back then they had feather boys feather boys they had to be good me and you would have been feather boys for sure 100 yeah you know writing down stuff and sneaking sneaking smooches in between i know i feel like me and you like i every time i look at like you know old war photos like colonial times of the civil war me and you would be in the back playing the drums oh sure yeah we're just getting hit by cannon fodder no like those two little fruit cakes make them play the drums and we're like bang and i'm like don't bang mine bang bang bang we're like we're like boys we came up with a new song we're a little drummer boys for sure yeah because we i wouldn't last a minute in the field i'm not good i'm not oh i'd run the other way i'd throw my gun there back like right away i'd run to the enemy i'm a traitor i'm a traitor go right into their arms yeah i would i there's not a chance in hell i would have lasted in war no chance the only time i ever lived to over 30 is this time yeah i would have been dead immediately 20 and every other time 16 15 you'd been out done you'd have had a kid and someone would have killed you for some bullshit you owe so many money yeah kill. You can't fight.
And I get so many sore throats or used to get so many sore throats that I feel like

one of them would have killed me back in the day.

You don't used to just die of a fever.

Why did you get sore throats so much?

I think, well, because one, I was biting my nails a lot.

And then I think two, anytime.

Wait, what?

Biting your nails?

Biting my nails.

Oh, so you got E. coli.

You got bacteria from your nails in your.

My tonsils are huge.

My testicles are small. My tonsils are big.
God swapped them. Yeah.
Fucked up. So my tonsils are so big that a doctor, an ear, nose, and throat doctor told me that if I go down on a woman or bite a nail or get any type of bacteria that on a normal person's tonsils would just kind of get washed away.
But he said, your tonsils are so big, it just gets stuck there. And I get likeuss bubbles on my throat like puss puss and how long are you sick for like until i take anti-b's when you take any b you're good yeah you would have died you would have died in any other you don't ever what something about andrew is you know when you were going through your covet stuff i was talking about you wouldn't even take an anvil you took nothing you let the immune system knock it out yeah you almost never you go years without taking any type of medicine whatsoever yeah correct yeah i don't like i never took my mom uh gave me a warning one time because she had taken a lot of advil at one time in her life and it gave her these insane headaches because her body was addicted to taking all this uh ibuprofen and the doctor was like yeah you can't take this every day for long you know people there's people that take advil like every day when's the last time you took any type of medicine or advil anything whatsoever any type of pain reliever none i mean i i honestly can't zero you've never last time i took an advil was probably like um oh i took you know what i do know when my back was bad like what that? Six months ago? Seven months ago? When I fractured my back, I took Advil.
That's it, though. Once I've seen you taking any type of antibiotic or medicine from a doctor.
I don't trust doctors, and you know that. So you have never- I don't trust doctors, and you know that.
Wow. I don't trust them.
They tell me, get the Vax. I say, kick rocks.
Yeah. You said, oh, I already got the vax.
Boom, there's my card. I trust the science.
I uploaded it onto the system. The biology scientist over here.
Yeah. Tell me the chemical code.
What's the periodic table for silver? A-U. Boom.
Why do I need a doctor when I get that? Bang. A-U over there.
A-U. A-U over there.
I got a fake vaccine card. 500 cash.
It comes with a booster. Do you have friends that have fake vaccine cards? Oh, my God.
Nino's Pizzeria. Absolutely.
That's how you get them. Yeah, Brooklyn, baby.
How much are they? Okay. This is true.
They were about $200 cash in the summer. Now they're about 500 to 750 because they come with two boosters because a lot of people are like, oh, you're not going to be able to get it.
They're pretty much saying, the fake guys are saying, you're going to need one booster and then you're going to need a second booster. So we just got you two right here.
So the cards that you can get for 750, you're good till about 2024. That's so funny, dude.
New York is the greatest city on earth. Number one.
And then we got other guys that they take PCR tests and they just Photoshop different dates on you for the PCR test. It's all seamless.
And they email it to you so if you need a pcr to get into somewhere we got boom pcrs well when we took we took that party bus out to go watch the kansas city game and everybody had to get tested and i was a chrissy o'connor you know a little chrissy i know a little brisket yeah and little brisket was you know like he was so excited because we were like we're with travis's family we're gonna go the Kelsey family booth and like you know he's like living the dream this is amazing and he goes and gets tested and he comes back inside and he's like pacing and he's ripping his vape and he's like twiddling his fingers I'm like what's going on he's like this will be the worst moment in my entire life I'll jump off this fucking building if I can't go to this thing and I realized oh yeah because if one of us comes up you know covey you're done the whole thing's over no homeless pimp didn't come out with me tonight, this trip, because he had COVID. We were at the Patrice O'Neill benefit.
Everyone had to get COVID tests. All of a sudden, I go down and do the soundtrack.
I come up, Pimp's gone. I said, where the hell's Pimp? They said he got COVID tests.
He got thrown out of the building. I was like, whoa.
Then I texted him. I was like, Pimp, are you okay? He goes, yeah, man, it's fucking bullshit.
There's no way this test is right. He goes, I feel fine.
There's no way this test is right. He goes, I got a little bit of cough, but it's from smoking weed.
And I was like, yeah, it's bullshit. So I got angry like a little bit.
I walked up to the COVID person and I said, hey, you just threw my friend out. Get him back up here.
There's no way that's a positive test. He goes, sir, we gave him three PCRs.
They're all positive. I was like, oh.
Yeah, but the fourth. What about the fourth? Yeah.
Give him four. Yeah.
What the fuck? Everybody knows four is the is the magic number yeah i can't believe little rudy rude hasn't gotten it yet neither have i you're getting it you already had it you pig i never got it there's no way because look at it like this how did you sleep at donny tsunami's house i never they were testing me yeah but did you test for antibodies i've never had the antibodies either have you tested yes well not recently though in fairness not in the last six months i think you've had it yeah there's no doubt in my mind yeah there i just there's no way and you you're gonna get it yeah i hope you do i hope you get it bad oh why don't you die i just want you to feel something because you're so numb i just want you to feel a little bit of something the youth is a little bit numb yeah they are very that's fine i'm not hating on it no be present yeah enjoy live are you on your phone a lot or you're not addicted to your phone i'm addicted she watches shit all day long that's all she's doing phone or ipad yeah not never television no i don't like it yeah see that's interesting because my 11 year old stepson we got a we got a big TV for the family room thinking the kids are going to love this.

They hate it.

They'd rather watch movies on the iPad.

They want the smaller screen.

We wanted the big one. They want to take it to go.

Yeah.

They're a to-go generation.

The movies, he was getting freaked out at the movies.

He was like, this is too big.

I don't like this.

It's too big.

We wanted to make the movies small.

I know.

It's weird.

What do you like so much about it?

You can take it in the shower, in the toilet, out in the backyard.

Yeah, you can just move with it. Yeah.
Yeah, and you feel too too harbored by a tv too stationary it's so wild i mean listen it's also like even like my child my six-year-old you know is in school she has to wear a mask and i get angry i'm like i want her to see people's face i want to see this one i see that but she actually doesn't know the difference so it's i'm getting angry at it but i'm like my kid i asked my kid she doesn't care she's like i'll wear the mask dad it's fine well because i think they you know their life is so um easy those little shits you know she doesn't do anything no by the way get your daughter to get a job no well she's old enough now i remind her all the time i said delilah you know daddy loves you and everything like that but i'm gonna need you to hustle a little bit more because remember you're not pure right look at your mom she's mixed look at your mom right you're not like daddy you're not you're like daddy you have bits of daddy right but you're not a full daddy you're so right remember that i mean you got to put her back in her place yeah and then she gets it and she you know she runs around she starts you know cooking cleaning whatever she needs to do imagine your daughter becomes your maid my God. Dude, my daughter's 10 times funnier than I could ever be.
You think she'll become a comic maybe? She told me recently. She's like, I'm going to be better than you ever were.
At six years old. She spoke right into my heart.
But she's right, though. She's right, dude.
She's like, you're not selling well at Warner Theater. I'll sell out two.
She thinks she can sell two shows at Warner. She told me, she said, her first words were, fuck Live Nation.
Fuck Live Nation? That's what she said. That's nuts.
She's an Outback girl? Who presents her? Yeah, she's fine with AEG. She uses very specific promoters.
No, she's funny, my kid. She goes, we were having a conversation once, and she was like, Daddy, why do you always have to leave? I hate when you leave.
I hate when you leave. And I was like, baby.
You like this house, you little fuck? I know. Yeah.
I said, you like Central AC? Bitch. No.
So I said to her, I go, baby. I was like, daddy has to leave because I said that's where I make money.
And she goes, well, we don't need any more money. We have this house.
And I just want you to stay here. And I was like, baby, the American Girl dolls.
How am I going to buy you more American Girl dolls if I don't go do the shows? And she goes girl dolls cost money and i was like yeah and she was like go to work and then she just walked away and i was like yeah go to work white devil go to work and she was like yeah and dude and you know i mean between her mother you know and her mother now you know is a spin instructor she's got a patreon patreon.com slash jazzy method if you want to go work out with jazzy and uh you know so but i have to come out here and do show after show after show 10 podcasts a day and fucking kill myself because she wants to do spin and i'm like listen jazzy you can keep doing the spin but you better spin that bike a little faster and it better start shitting out bitcoin because we got no money you're not in bit though you're out no you're kidding me i'm chrissy crypto i thought you got out i sold and went back in you sold and went back I went back in I went back in on crypto on Bitcoin big Ethereum big and then I went on some alt coins oh you got alt coins yeah I got some wild alt alt right coins yeah sir me and George me and George you got me and Kimmel yeah you know the Kimmel yeah so the Germans have released 10 new coins yes what are you are you in Bitcoin No crypto? I don't think I can because I need to pay tax for it. No, you only pay tax when you sell it.
So if you're going to get it, does Tio Bobby have one? Bitcoin or he's not into it? I don't know. George would know.
George would be closer to it than anybody. I think it's too complex for him.
There's no way he has any Bitcoins. Do you have Bitcoin, George? Oh, of course.
How many bits? Do you own a couple of bits? Full bits? I forget how much I own. He's got like a half coin.
I started doing the market. I've got a fund that invests in different coins.
Oh, that Grayscale thing? I didn't like Grayscale. That one lost me a lot of money.
So I got a different one. How much is a lot of money that you lost? Be honest.
That one, 500 deeper into like the other one wait 500 yeah dollars come on you're fine yeah that's fine that a lot of money to lose in crypto i know people i know people that lost like 50 grand that got just murdered oh i lost a lot of money i went in i went in uh a year and a half ago when it dipped and i bought all this uh i'm sorry it didn't dip i just got really hot on bitcoin and i bought it at like an all-time high and then it just fucking dipped you're gone yeah and i i literally i don't even think about it i actually what i did is i deleted coinbase off my phone yeah you should yeah and then i listened to one of your friends vin furuso he was like i got a real hot tip and i lost about five grand sitting at the comedy song our fuso yeah yeah i was like way to go he he clipped me too yeah he's fucking palestinian fuck yeah he's hiding our money yeah where are you vinny where are you vinny he's loving i love it i know i love him he is the best did you watch his documentary it's good i did yeah i actually think it's fantastic it's good it's really good it's like insightful onto what's going on i know and you know what we start talking about that youtube's gonna ban us oh you can't even mention this so far it's like it's such a volatile world of oh yeah you get over there you get into this weird world of like whose side are you on why do you have to be on a side i'm not i'm in the middle man i told you i am christy right down the middles i um i've said it many times i have a republican haircut a democratic brain i have white skin and it's and a uh black girl's ass black girl's ass but you have a you have a republican haircut a liberal heart and a what's the other party what's the fake party that everyone likes the libertarian libertarian body i have a libertarian body yes you have the tits of a libertarian yes and i have yes they're Yes. They're milky, but they're, you know, but they are built from muscle at some point.
And my nut sack looks like Mitch McConnell.

Imagine when.

Imagine he has a great set of nuts.

Could you imagine he's got like a fucking huge cock?

Yeah.

Could you imagine he's been banging AOC this whole time?

Yeah.

Just punishing her.

Yeah.

That's hilarious.

Who's good?

It's so gross to think about them together. That's a scandal.
We need another White House scandal again. Yeah.
We need something like that in the White House to go down. Speaking of scandals, you know what I've been watching? You ever seen the show Succession on HBO? Yeah.
I finished the last of this past. Dude, I'm into this third season.
I mean, that's the best show I've ever seen in my life. I love it.
Have you seen it? No. That's a good show, I think.
You'd like that. You guys? You guys? Yeah, I've seen it.
It's so good. What do you think? I love it.
I love Jeremy Strong's character. Jeremy Strong is fantastic.
Kendall. Yeah, he's so good.
And I want to live that life a little bit. You want to be that kind of pompous rich? I kind of want to be that little piece.
You know, because when they talk about money, like, you know, like, they talk about, like, they'll give, his son a hundred million dollars as a gift. Like they have like infinity money.
Yeah, it's wild to think about. Do you ever know somebody like that? A billionaire? Do I know a billionaire? It's a good question.
Do I know a billionaire? Well, you're friends with, what's his name? The Knicks, right? Aren't you buddies with him? James Dolan? Yeah. No, not buddies.
I just, I've been in the same room with him. but didn't you do a show for him or something yeah but that doesn't mean I'm his friend you're his good friend oh yeah well he's my best friend yeah I know I I think the richest person that I actually personally know like the person I know with the absolute most money shit because I don't know I mean for me it's Rogan there's no but i don't know i don't know you know he's the most money i've ever heard yeah no he would be the one that most of our peers would you know but i don't know him personally so after that maybe you no santino not even not even in the top who would i know who that's rich? That's truthfully like handover, like fucking rich.

Nobody in the comedy scene that you're friends with.

Joe DeRosa.

Joe DeRosa.

Everybody knows.

He's the richest guy.

He opens that sandwich shop.

You know what I mean?

It's a money front for sure because the sandwiches are bullshit.

No, no.

It's a money front.

No, it is a money front. And yes, I want to make fun of Joe DeRosa and tell him what a piece of shit he is.
Pat Mahomes is probably the richest person that I know for sure. But yeah, $477 million.
A couple of bucks. Whatever.
He is the richest person I've ever known. Yes.
He has a contract for $477 million. He's worth every fucking dime.
I will say Joe DeRosa's sandwiches though. No.
By the way, if you're in New York, you got to go to Joe's sandwich shop. I haven't gone because I want to go eat him, but I love Joe.
No, no, no, Joe. No, no, no, no.
But no, I want to make fun of him too. And I mean, he does disgust me in many ways, but I do have to give him credit that those sandwiches at his shop, Joey Rose's down on Rivington Street in the Lower East Side of New York, are like the best cold cut sandwiches I've ever had in my life, truthfully.
He got the meat from somewhere specific. Sliced it right off.
Sliced yay i got a fucking capicola cock it's good no it's gabagool come on let's i want to eat at an italian restaurant with you what's the place that we always eat at by your house we well i'm not gonna say what that is into the mic what are you fucking nuts oh yeah i forgot we're in the pot it's so easy with you yeah no you know what where do we eat i'll tell well we always go to the spaghetti factory is where the old spaghetti factory the old spaghetti you know my dad loves olive garden loves i gotta be honest with you it's nuts i don't hate olive garden i'm not saying i love it i don't hate it give me back your italian card i've told you i'm mostly german so is a so is he whoa george i'm pointing at george you know george looks like a nazi though he does doesn't he he does but i got my hair growing out you know this is when he had it really short though he looked so nazi boys it was nazi stuff i shouldn't admit this but uh yeah when when i had my short haircut i always took uh i cropped it in real close but i took the photo of ray fines and schindler's list and, this is the perfect haircut. It looks great on me.
He brought that to the barber. He's like, give me the Schindler's list.
No, and that is serious. I'll take it to the $8 barber at Echo Park, Casa Novas Nubro Dos.
And I'd zoom really in so they couldn't see any Nazi person. And as he's cutting it in Spanish, he's like, fucking put the Nazi mother.
Look at that. That's who George wanted to be.
That's insane. That's a good ass haircut.
How sexy is Ralph Fiennes? Oh my God. How about him? You like him, right, Rude? Yeah, he's sexy.
He can get it, huh? But he kind of looks soft too. He looks a little femme.
You know what I mean? Yeah, that's a very... The haircuts in the World War II era were good.
Well, that was the thing that the Nazis really figured out was hair, was styling their hair.

And uniforms.

I've said this many times.

If you want to talk – I don't agree with their politics at all.

I truthfully don't.

I think the Holocaust was disgusting.

But if we're just talking about fashion, Nazis went by a landslide.

Yeah.

Hugo Boss uniforms.

Look at McLemore.

McLemore, another Nazi.

That's McLemore right there.

There you go.

There he is.

And there's Eric Trump down there.

Oh, no.

That's not Eric Trump. Who is that? That guy, the face of the alt – right.
What There you go. There he is.
And there's Eric Trump down there. Oh, no, that's not Eric Trump.

Who is that?

That guy, the face of the alt-right.

What's his name?

Richard Spencer.

Richard Spencer is the face of the alt-right.

Is that who it is?

Yeah, that's what it is.

I ain't going to answer that real quick.

You were trying to bait me, weren't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, he was looking for it.

He knows who his leader is.

I think I could beat up Macklemore.

I don't.

Honestly.

You don't think so?

There's something. He's like 6'4", maybe.
Is he a like six four maybe is he really that tall i think he's a big boy interesting macklemore height he's got a what do we say six three five ten five ten small guy never mind i think i beat him up i think i can beat up g easy i see i think g easy might take you machine gun kelly i think i'm uh no i I think he'll beat me up. I think I can beat up G-Eazy.
I see. I think G-Eazy might take you.

Machine Gun Kelly.

No, I think he'll beat me up. All these guys kind of look alike in your mind.

That's why we're naming all of them.

The thing is with Machine Gun Kelly is he's very bony.

If he hits you with one of those bones, you're going lights out.

Yeah, we ever got punched by a really skinny guy?

Oh, it hurts so bad.

Playing basketball against him, I'd always get bruises.

I would look like my mom 6-4 cmgk pdd 6-4 too yeah pdd would hurt you 6-3 yeah and megan fox and now they're married good good for all these people good for them good for marriage shout out love i i've never gotten married i probably won't get married but i like being a pop you'll never get married huh i don't think so because i had kids first you don't want any government intervention yeah and i just for me the whole thing is like it just gets messy i i like the way it is now and she likes the way it is now you say you're saying that for her yeah she is repulsed by the idea i don't want to get married and thinks that it absolutely adds i i pretty sure but two kids what's it it's two kids where am i fucking going where am i going with a full bush yeah that's but you got nice bush nice bush where would you go i mean yeah what are you talking about what is she like you know marriage is tough though so i get it why you're like i don't want to get through this whole process we already got little ninos you know we can't do it and i'm like oh you're a family with covid we can't do it i just keep delaying, oh, you're a family with COVID. We can't do it.
I just keep delaying it. Well, because you know the child support is...
It's coming. Can you imagine? How do you calculate child support? See what that's about.
I know a buddy that had to pay like $10,000 a month or something. I think it's 17% of your gross income in New York.
17% of your gross income per child? I think per child. It doesn't even...
Does it go exponentially lower as the more kids you get? Or is 17 if you got 10 kids or 70 of the combined parental income for one child 25 of the combined parental income for two children how does that make sense combined parental income because she doesn't make like if your wife doesn't make any money it's just all your money that's what i'm saying so this is just a ruse to make it feel like it's a yeah it'd be like 25 of the father's income. Oh my God.

You're sticking it out, papa.

You better stick that shit out, papa. You better stick that shit out, papa.

You ain't going nowhere, Frank.

Okay?

No.

You better dig your heel then you're going nowhere.

And that's not even alimony.

If you get divorced, then it's alimony on top of that.

How much is alimony percentage if he gets...

No, you're not married, but let's just say hypothetically.

But what are you?

Common law, right?

Doesn't common law marriage ever... I don't think that's a real thing anymore california it absolutely is it absolutely is in the state of california for marriages less than 15 years support should last 15 to 30 percent of the length of the marriage whoa so if marriages last 15 to 20 years support should last 30 to 40 percent of the length of the marriage so if you if you were married for 20 years you pay you pretty much got to pay for like eight years right eight years after wow wow wow oh my god oh my god this is why we got a family

friend that won't get divorced he's like i'll kill her before i'll divorce her i'll just he

just gives her money really yeah he's like i'm not looking for getting a divorce he's like but

he's like the house is her you know what i mean he's like here have everything i'm not gonna get

a divorce yeah it's a financial nightmare nightmare you ever want to get married rude jude

Thank you. Nah, you're changing your tone.
Except Harry. I would marry Harry.
He's the only one you'd marry. But what if he said, I'll marry you because I love you, but you got to let me have all the other women in the world as well that's fine and you don't care he wants your clothes all your nice dresses we can share okay what would be the one thing that would turn you off about him what would you where isn't there anything he could do that you go that's i don't want that that would fuck it all up for me maybe if what if he was physically abusive you stick around yeah okay That's terrible to know okay that's just so bad she said immediately yeah didn't even skip a beat yeah yeah i'd actually want him to hit me what if he was uh vote for trump okay so he can beat the shit out of you but if he votes for trump that's just a whole different story um oh wow this is the point of contention.
You found out what bothers her. It's what it is, most people.
Trump, if he votes for Trump, you're not going to get with Harry. Yeah, but he can hit me.
He can hit you. Okay, this is unhealthy to push out to the world.
Nice. Young girls out there that are Rudy's age, this is not what you want to be like.
Wow. He can hit me, but he can't vote for Trump.
If Trump was here, truthfully, and was a fan of the power, would you have him on as a guest? If Trump came to Los Angeles? Genuinely, Donald Trump was like, I want to be a guest. I love Whiskey Ginger.
It's huge. The show's huge.
Bad Friends is huge. I want on the show.
Would you do it? Of course. How could I say no? I would have done it at the height of 2016.
I would have done it. By the way, and anybody that says says anything otherwise you were mesmerized by him for four years it was the most entertaining shit we ever saw everyone would want to see what he would say the most also between between me and bobby and put him in the middle of us oh the most fun the most comedian of all time would be dying to have him on yeah because it's something that it's i mean it's like when people criticize people criticize Rogan or criticize Marin for having certain people on if ever they're like, why would you have them on? It's like, because that strikes interesting conversation.
That's why. Yeah, it's just interesting.
That's all it is. It's fun, interesting conversation.
You're not going to like all the guests. So if he hits you, all good.
That's interesting. Votes for Trump, get out of here, Harry Styles.
But he can hit you. He can, I mean, really give give you a shiner.
Yeah. Okay.
What do you say? The police. Ma'am, what happened to your eye? I just fell.
You fell on your eye? Yeah. How come nothing else is, there's no other evidence of a fall? I don't know.
It just happened. I feel like you're lying to us, ma'am.
I'm not. Is someone abusing you at home? No.
Don't roll your eyes at us because I can see that swollen eye. I can tell.
No one. Did someone raise a fist to you, ma'am? No abusing you at home no don't roll your eyes at us because i can see that swollen eye i can tell did someone raise a fist to you ma'am no one's abusing me you fell tell me how you fell i was walking with my drink and then i forgot that there were stairs what kind of drink my wine my wine oh your wine glass oh your red wine okay i didn't know that i thought that you were 20 that's 21 that's interesting yeah this is five years after oh yeah so you've been in a

abusive relationship for quite some time smart yeah so you're walking with your wine where

at the house at the house that you guys own together in beverly hills yeah is that where

it is how many stories is it

two

just two

two is two

and you fell down the second

first story to the bottom

yeah

that's it

I just fell

you slipped and fell

but how come there's no bruising

or cuts on any other part of your body

it's almost as

I just raised my legs

oh so you fell with your legs up

right

so you just slid down on your butt

like a kid

are you an infant

yeah

yeah on carpeted stairs

yeah

interesting

would Harry Styles be able to

sign something for my kid

Thank you. You don't say that to Harry Styles.
We got to go. Have a good night, ma'am.
Woo! Woo! Do-do-do. You said, let's go, Brandon.
Imagine. It'd be so funny if one of those innocent kids like Harry Styles came out as a hardcore Trumpian.
How funny. Oh, my God.
Because then it's like it turns it on its head. It's like, what are you supposed to do now? You're not going to buy his albums? Well, that's the thing with T.T.
Jerry is she's transgender Puerto Rican, but she loves Trump. So it's like, what do you...
You can't... She does love Trump, right? You've told me that before.
She told me every inmate in prison loves Trump too. All of them.
Really? A hundred percent. She said if the federal inmate system could vote, they would all vote for for Trump Did she have a lot of trans friends in prison?

She said all her trans friends None of them were white

All of them adored Donald Trump

Is she fully transitioned now?

She's got estrogen tits but a dick

So she's got tits but a dick

But she's keeping her penis

She doesn't want to lose her penis

She got a nice penis I bet

You don't want to give it up it's so good

Don't you think that's part of the whole reasoning

She said she likes to utilize it

Thank you. She's keeping her penis.
She doesn't want to lose her penis. She got a nice penis, I bet.
Beautiful cock. You don't want to give it up.
It's so good. Yeah.
Don't you think that? That's part of the whole reasoning. She said she likes to utilize it.
You know what I mean? Yeah. She wants to use that.
She doesn't want to. It's a gun.
It's a gun. She likes it.
She got to go shoot it once in a while. Once in a while she pops off.
Yeah, so it's nice. She likes it.
Do you have any trans friends? No, I have a gay friend. Ooh, big deal.
We all have a gay friend. Right here.
You're gay? Not necessarily. Bi? Yes.
That's probably more true. Also, the standards are blurred, dude.
Sexuality is on the spectrum. Look at Carlos.
Nobody knows what he is. Yeah.
It doesn't matter. But he looks like he makes balloon animals.
Without a doubt, makes balloon animals.

He looks like the guy that gets the tajin

for the guy that sells fruit on the side of the road.

He goes and gets the tajin for him.

Go on a run, get me some tajin, come back.

And Carlos stands there.

He looks like a guy in a movie, like an ancient war movie.

When they're walking into a village

that had just been ransacked, his head would be in a spike.

Yeah, just like that with the hair blowing in the wind well listen what i love you oh i love you too god bless you for coming to this and and and um in all seriousness we are thankful for our bad friends we love you guys uh thank you for chrissy's he's gonna do maybe another episode with us. Maybe.
We'll see. Whenever we want.

We'll see.

We'll have some other guests come through while Tito Bob is getting some help.

And I'm going to let Rudy stare into her camera right there.

And go ahead and say something sentimental about Tito.

And then close out the show and thank people for being a bad friend.

Go ahead.

Make it count.

Tito Bobby, we're missing you already.

True.

Farted into the mic

during your speech.

I hope you stay safe there.

That's what Bob would have wanted.

Stay safe there.

Take care,

and we love you.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Love it.

Love it.

Thank you.