An Egg Roll Goes to the Spa & Stealing Danny DeVito's Seat

Speaker 1 When evaluating potential hires for your small business, it's essential you look beyond resumes. Sure, a candidate may appear impressive on paper, but understanding the person is crucial.

Speaker 1 LinkedIn, the world's largest professional network, provides a complete view of your candidate's skills, experiences, and interests.

Speaker 1 With LinkedIn's up-to-date data, you can be confident that you really know who you're hiring. Post your free job at linkedin.com/slashachieve.
That's linkedin.com/slashachieve.

Speaker 1 Terms and conditions apply. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 Probably you two or something. We're bad friends.
I don't need that for you. How old is this water bottle?

Speaker 1 Give them a fresh one, man. Oh, this is new? Yes.
Okay, okay. Yeah, but we don't do ghetto.
You think this is ghetto?

Speaker 1 You think this is more ghetto than King of the State or Fighting the King? Dude, seriously. What? Yo, I understand.

Speaker 1 I understand. You're on a thin line right now.
I'm just saying.

Speaker 1 And I also understand. You're on a thin rope.
Okay. The thin rope.

Speaker 1 The thin rope. But why are you pointing at me? Because the thin rope is very clear to me, my friend.
What do you mean? What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. Think about what you're about to say.
I think about everything I'm about to say.

Speaker 1 All I know is that

Speaker 1 you are like worm tongue.

Speaker 1 Worm tongue.

Speaker 1 Everyone, I want everyone.

Speaker 1 Because he ate a worm? No, no, no, no, no, that could be. But everyone just...

Speaker 1 Everyone say this. Worm tongue.

Speaker 1 I take offense to that. Who's worm tongue? I take offense to that.
Who is it to that? What? Who is it? It's the dude in

Speaker 1 Game of Thrones. No, he's the Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 1 Which was that guy? Yeah. Remember, he was the one that fucking mesmerized the king.
But hold up, hold up. He was like putting him in a comotose

Speaker 1 and then the fucking white Gandy. Remember, Gandy showed up with a stick.
I thought it was Gandalf. Whatever.
No? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Gandy shows up with a stick, right? So he is a manipulator. Right.
And he goes, and then like, he has the staff, right? And he goes, pew, back up.

Speaker 1 And he puts out the staff and it takes the king out of the thing.

Speaker 1 And then you're warm tongue. You know what you are? What about? That's my turn.
What about in Lord of the Rings, though? In Lord of the Rings. No, no, no, no, no, no.
This is my own analogy.

Speaker 1 I could come up with my own movie analogy. Yeah, you can see that.
You are. You started with that.
You got to go.

Speaker 1 You know what you are? What, what? You're the actual dark crystal.

Speaker 1 where you extract people's energy like when the podlings look into the dark crystal yeah you know yeah and you are the actual dark crystal, you extract people's positive energy

Speaker 1 and negative, and negative energy, yeah. You know what you do, because that's what you hold up.
That's what you do. That's you, that's me.

Speaker 1 That's what you do. Okay, can I say something about the dark crystal that you do that you're not privy to? The dark crystal sucks in, right? Negative energy, positive energy, right? But also cancers.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? That fucking dark crystal, right?

Speaker 1 You saved three podlings. No, no, no, no, no.
You must be making this up. Chemo, dude.

Speaker 1 That purple is chemo. No, is chemo not purple? No, no, no, no.
No, it's not. I thought it was green.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? I really thought it was.

Speaker 1 For some reason, when I hear chemo, I just think green. Okay, so radiation.
You know what you are then? Wait, dude, let's not do this. Let's start more on a positive.
Can we start again?

Speaker 1 Oh, let's start again. Let's start again.
Let's start again. Let's keep it, but let's just be more positive.
Let's do. We don't want to wind it.
How about it with this? We start with a bad friends.

Speaker 1 Like, I'll introduce it. But let's do positive affirmations.
Right, Chappelle? Yeah, I'm all about positive affirmations. Positive affirmations.
That's my world.

Speaker 1 Bro, bro, bro. Your world, dude? Yeah.
I'm going to say something about your world, dude. What are you going to say about my world?

Speaker 1 I never saw anyone like you before.

Speaker 1 Right? You know how you and I, when we met, there was some chemistry and a light.

Speaker 1 But what I'm saying is that I had never met anyone like you. That's why I didn't get close until I saw the show Cheer.

Speaker 1 Then I go, I see.

Speaker 1 He, this guy, Jules.

Speaker 2 Cheer on Netflix?

Speaker 1 He's a cheerleader.

Speaker 1 He was. He was.

Speaker 1 He was a cheerleader. In high school.
You know, the schools that they're talking talking about on cheer, that's where I cheered at. Really? You know, like the actual school?

Speaker 1 That's where I cheered at. That's where you cheered at.
Yeah. Because I knew that about you.
You were pro at that level. Yeah.

Speaker 1 At one point. So when I was watching Cheer, I thought about you.

Speaker 1 I go, there he is. And you smiled.
You really did? Yeah, it's basically what Chappelle Lacey is, he seems like a guy that was adopted. Dude, you better watch.

Speaker 1 I'm about to say no because I don't like where you're getting at.

Speaker 1 When I met you, I go, fuck. Number one, you were wearing a Ramones.

Speaker 1 I don't have a Ramon's shirt. Okay, well, you were wearing

Speaker 1 cramps, cramps, cramps? No, it's not. Oh, see how he fabricates and lies? No, no, no.
Oh, no, he's in the Ramon.

Speaker 1 Fabrications. Bobby, look at that.
Fabrications. Bobby's in the right area.

Speaker 1 I'm in the right area. I love the Ramones, but I would never wear a Ramon's shirt.
I'm like that weirdo.

Speaker 1 That's how cool you are. My goal at the end of this podcast is to prove to the world that you ain't with him.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 You. You are with me, though.
No, you're not. You are 100%.
You're not saying that one, brother. With me in terms of

Speaker 1 what we like, in terms of style, in terms of what we think is good, in terms of film, television, and.

Speaker 1 Hey, but here's another thing. I seen his dick.

Speaker 1 You know what? What? I kind of do want to, because I feel close to you. Yeah.
I liked you right when I met you. I would like to show you my balls and my penis.

Speaker 1 That's a lot.

Speaker 1 Would you be comfortable with that?

Speaker 1 I've cheered with gay dudes and they've never said anything like that to me.

Speaker 1 They have never looked at me and go, yo, hey, no,

Speaker 1 I love you.

Speaker 1 It's easy, dude. I can't help you.
You kick ass. Like, your toe touches are the shit.
But, yo, can I show you my dick and ball?

Speaker 1 It's crazy. It's crazy.
So no one's ever done that? But when you ask, right?

Speaker 1 You already lose. What do you mean? What do you mean by that? When you, may I, may I, you know what? May I show you my genitals? Already you lose.
What you do is you go. There's rules.
There is rules.

Speaker 1 In my head, I'm like, I know I can see the twinkle in his eyes when I met you. I knew when you looked at me, dude, you did this.

Speaker 1 You looked at my eyes and you did a downward glance and popped right back up. But do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I go, hey, I'm Bobby. And you go, I'm Chappelle, right? Do I talk like that? To me, you do.
I'm Chappelle, right? And you went like this.

Speaker 1 We do have a lot of people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1 When I saw that,

Speaker 1 you did that. When I saw that, I went, there it is.

Speaker 1 And when you saw it, in a good way. And when you saw it, I think you reacted in the worst kind of way.
I think you ran away. No.
And there was a point. No, wasn't there a time?

Speaker 1 Wasn't there where you would avoid me? You know what it was? You ready for this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
I want to hear something. I've just moved to L.A.
Okay. Just moved to L.A.

Speaker 1 I'm hanging around the comedy store, right?

Speaker 1 And I had met Bobby already, but it was maybe like a few weeks of me living into LA. It was literally weeks.
And then he was like, yo, after my set, let's go get something to eat. You know,

Speaker 1 there's meeting another comedy. Does it sound normal? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
You do that. He was like, let's go.
That sounds normal. That's you.
We went to anyone. Well, that's you.
Human beings eat.

Speaker 1 No, but you really are nice to other comedians. We go to Agassiz.
Agassiz. Agassiz.
We go to Agassi.

Speaker 1 Great meal. Great meal.
Then we say, Bobby's just dropping all this dope knowledge about comedy. I'm feeling good.
It's cool. I'm in L.A.
I'm like, dude, I'm hanging out with Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 And literally, he was like, we're hanging out outside. He goes, hey, you want to, you know, there's a spa.

Speaker 1 Yo, yo. So he goes, there's a spa.

Speaker 1 You know, I usually take a lot of comics too. It's a late night spa.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 and I'd only brought one black guy to that spa before you. Who was it? Who else would go with me? Oh, Ian Edwards.
Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, it was Ian.
And it's so funny.

Speaker 1 Whenever I, when I brought him, I think you did the same thing. When I brought Ian there, he found basketball shorts.
No, no, no, no. I did not.

Speaker 1 I was completely naked. I looked around.
I go, oh, fuck. Chappelle's doing what fucking Ian did.
They're waiting.

Speaker 1 They found basketball shorts somewhere because they don't want to show the, you know, I know what it is. It's respectful.
It's a Korean spa.

Speaker 1 And you don't want to go to the steering room and you want to freak out the Koreans. No, listen.

Speaker 1 This is not what he did. Chappelle.

Speaker 1 You and I were a nom, right? Uh-huh. And you were, and I would be scared because you're sensitive like I am.
I'm very sensitive. And you and I would be in a foxhole, probably.
Yep. Right?

Speaker 1 I'd probably show you my thing. Yeah.
Because I want to show you what it looks like when it's super scared. Right?

Speaker 1 And in war, in war, my penis looks like this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like that.

Speaker 1 But that's not what it was in the spa? You wait, wait, wait. That's not what it was.

Speaker 1 So anyways, you saw his penis in the space. Anyways, dude,

Speaker 1 he goes, you're going to bitch out or what? And I was like,

Speaker 1 I was like, all right. And so we go in.
He goes, he goes, don't look around. He goes, just pick a locker, put your clothes in there.
And I'm like, what, all my clothes? And he was like, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's just a spa. You got to get naked.
And I'm sitting here like.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. I was walking around like that.
Then we go on this, then we go in the sauna. And we're sitting there in the sauna.
Dry or wet one? Dry or wet one.

Speaker 1 The dry one. We're sitting in the sauna.
Me and the other dude were just sitting on the bench. Bobby is like dropping comedy knowledge to us.
And meanwhile, he's doing high kicks in the sauna.

Speaker 1 And I'm sitting here like, how do you want me to fucking take you serious?

Speaker 1 And then, dude, the best part of it was when after we were done in the spa for like an hour or so, he goes, he drops us off at a 7-Eleven to order our Uber.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, we're running across the street. We're running right across the street.
Yeah, yeah. Meanwhile,

Speaker 1 he dropped us off so quick, like he just like dropped and then left. And I'm like, it's so funny the details.
And that was my podcast.

Speaker 1 That was my podcast. Let me see the details.
The details. It's like the details.
What? You missed the details. The details is probably

Speaker 1 who paid for Augusty, Buck Chung. He paid for Auguste.
Who paid for the spa? He paid for the spa. Yes, he did.
Interesting. He did.
Well, what does his penis look like to you? His, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, this was almost three years, or no, this was three years. Dude, he's got a dark dick.
He's got a dark dark and he's just like kicking as high as like his leg gets up there. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I was doing this, dude. Like,

Speaker 1 right? I was probably doing this. You were probably sitting on a bench.
Yep, sitting on a bench. Right.
Dry sawing. All right.
Dry saw.

Speaker 1 I was probably just going, like,

Speaker 1 yes.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what it is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's exactly what it is. It's all about stage time.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 It's all about it, dude. Right? He was literally like, he was like, you got to get up as much as you can.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 I had to fucking pop it. I'm talking to him.

Speaker 1 A week later, I went back to the spa and the Koreans were talking about you.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 He said you're... He said they're complimenting your dick.
Saying what it looks like. Yeah, it's Gishing, like a ghost.
Creature. Like a creature.
Like a ghost creature.

Speaker 1 Like a ghost creature. I think Gishin is creature.

Speaker 1 Gishing is

Speaker 1 a ghost. Oh, ghost.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not a ghost there.

Speaker 1 Keishing.

Speaker 1 Skyscraper.

Speaker 1 Skyscraper. Skyscraper got there, right? And then they say to me,

Speaker 1 No, you got an average dick, don't you?

Speaker 1 You do. Yeah, it's his average.
This is average.

Speaker 1 You know what I know?

Speaker 1 It's not bigger than mine. Dude, mine grew.
No.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on, let's go.

Speaker 1 I will always... No, no, no, no, no.
You want to have a contest right now?

Speaker 1 I'll have a contest anytime you want to, but I don't know what you're doing. I don't want to do that.
Wait, wait. I don't want to do a contest.
Wait, wait, no, no, no. I think, no, because

Speaker 1 I've done exercises to stretch it out over the years.

Speaker 1 I think I can match you. Yo, Stevie.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I can match him now.
I think I could.

Speaker 1 That's a thing?

Speaker 1 It's not a thing. Yeah, it is a thing.

Speaker 1 You can stretch it out. You can do exercise.
Here's the thing about your brother. Here's the thing about your brother.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're the most honest man I think I know. Exactly.
So that's why I'm like, you say that. No, you then must be.
My friend in college said.

Speaker 1 I promise you this, Chappelle, okay?

Speaker 1 Think about it. I'm thinking about it.
I already thought about it. If you're in medical school, right, I can see this happening, right? A bunch of kids are in a conference room.

Speaker 1 They're putting up slides

Speaker 1 before the test, just to warm up. They throw out things.
What's this? They go, oh, that's some sort of skin rash thing.

Speaker 1 And they show his penis. They wouldn't think, they they wouldn't say penis.
They'd go, oh, that's a skin tag on somebody's neck.

Speaker 1 You want to do it right now, dude?

Speaker 1 It's a skin tag, dude. It's like...
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Hold up. It is a skin tag.
Wait, hold up. Let's pause.

Speaker 1 Jules has not said one. Can we let Jules talk? Let's go back to Jules.
All right, Jules. Can you let Jules talk? So, Jules.
Please let Jules talk.

Speaker 1 Jules, check it out. Okay.
There are so many dicks that you're talking about.

Speaker 1 What are you doing? No, I'm just. All right.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you to say something, Jules, right?

Speaker 1 When you hear adults, how old are you, Chappelle? I'll be 35 on Sunday. Okay.
Is that an adult? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. How old are you, Steve?

Speaker 1 48. How old are you, man? 48.
47. What is that? 47?

Speaker 1 I'm 50, right? Jules.

Speaker 1 Do you think this is not what we should be talking about right now?

Speaker 2 From what I've heard with you and your friends, Tito Bobby, I think it's normal.

Speaker 1 It's normal talk. So it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable.
No. So let's play a little quick game and just make assumptions, okay? Okay.

Speaker 1 Just in your mind, if you were going to do biggest of smallest, just out of assumptions,

Speaker 1 just go one, two, three, a point, and then that's it. And then we can move on.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. One.
Yeah. Two, three.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 You know, she's right. No, she's not right.
No, because you're because you're fat. No, I'm just letting you know the fat on your stomach, the fat in your stomach

Speaker 1 is overlapping your dick at this point. You know what I mean? What is happening?

Speaker 1 No, because you're... Yeah, however,

Speaker 1 if the rooftop...

Speaker 1 No, no, let me say something.

Speaker 1 If I'm a man, I have a house, right? And the rooftop, right? If the rooftop is big, it still has nothing to do with my situation.

Speaker 1 No, I'm just saying the placement of your penis is probably like down, like way near your anus. So it's not getting the light.

Speaker 1 That's why it's gray. It's not getting the sunlight.
But what does that have to do with size?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but I'm trying to figure that out. I know.
Hold on. Why don't you? How about that? Let me try that.
When you ask me to think about it. Hold on, hold up.
You're right.

Speaker 1 When you know how he goes, think about it.

Speaker 1 Can we ask him to think about it? Yeah, you're right. You're right.
That just makes sense. Think about it.
So that's a lesson. How about we do this?

Speaker 1 Just a friendly gesture. Hey, I'm not showing my dude.

Speaker 1 No, we're not trying to get this. We're not trying to get it.
After this, let's all go to the spa together. No, I wouldn't.
We can't. Why not? I got you.
You got spa.

Speaker 1 You got shit to do. I got a lot of shit to do.

Speaker 1 You wouldn't go to the spa game with us ever again. You wouldn't go with me with the game.
Bro, that was a wild experience. You wouldn't go with me?

Speaker 1 How long did you know Bobby before he invited you to the spa? Weeks. Weeks? Like,

Speaker 1 not even a full month. It's probably one or two weeks.
Okay, I've known him for over 10 years. Not one invite to the spa.

Speaker 1 Okay, so why? Now let's go. Now that says something about you, man.
Yeah, that says something about you. That says something about you.

Speaker 1 Why me? And why not George? He only invites funny people. No, it's not that.
Let's see. Let's see.
Why? Should I invite a podcast producer? You mean?

Speaker 1 Or should I potentially a kid that could be the next Eddie Murphy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, that was a compliment, bro. That was a compliment.
Eddie Murphy. Come on, Debbie.
I'm sorry, George.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's just basically, I try to defend you. It's just basically common sense, dog.
Yeah, I try to defend you. I'm getting into prop comedy.
I'll come back in a day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm probably banned from there anyway. I can't go back.
What? For the spa. Yeah.
I apologize for the poo again at the grove. What do you mean the poo? The one I pooed in the parking lot.
What?

Speaker 1 I've been thinking about that lately. I apologize.
What? That was not.

Speaker 1 For a younger brother to witness an older brother to poo in a parking lot is... I just thought about it.
It's not right. But, Bobby, they have bathrooms at the Grove.
Didn't have time.

Speaker 1 They should have one in every corner. Like,

Speaker 1 they should have a parking spot and then a bathroom stall and then a parking spot. You know, one thing I will never understand is how adults shit their pants.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, this wasn't even shit.

Speaker 1 His wasn't even shit. It was pure liquid.
It was like Yoohoo. You know the Yoohoo chocolate thing?

Speaker 1 It looked like that. Wait, hold up.
It looked like that. Like, just a huge pawn.
I'll give you the detail, Bobby. A pawn.
Chappelle, do you date? What do you date?

Speaker 1 You know, I feel like you don't fuck. Oh, are you

Speaker 1 out of your mind? Stop for this.

Speaker 1 Dude, are you out of your mind?

Speaker 1 Is this how this goes? Oh, okay. All right.
What? He does. It's so funny because this is the exact conversation I expected coming to this.
You do. Do you really? Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, so wait, do I fuck? No, I'm not saying.

Speaker 1 God, man.

Speaker 1 It's all about language, and I said it wrong. All right.
Yeah. I'll let you try again.
Oh, thank you.

Speaker 1 When I look at Chappelle Lacey, right? Yeah, obviously, right, since he does eat food,

Speaker 1 sleep, because he looks like he's

Speaker 1 existing, he's not dying, right?

Speaker 1 And I'm sure he does get sexual intercourse occasionally on the road and whatnot, right? But in my head, I can't really see it, right? You making love. to any woman.
Oh, you're wrong.

Speaker 1 That's interesting.

Speaker 1 But that's a fair thing to say. Thank you.
You want to know why that's fair? Why? Because

Speaker 1 I don't give off those vibes at all. I don't give off those vibes.

Speaker 1 He is right. He doesn't.

Speaker 1 Maybe he is my guy. And I don't know if you're my guy anymore.
Maybe he's.

Speaker 1 Because you out here thinking I just fucked.

Speaker 1 And Bobby's like, no. You know, no, yeah, I, I, you're not, you're not the type of guy, right? Well, one, I have a girlfriend.
And two,

Speaker 1 she's

Speaker 1 alive? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I assume when you make a heavy love, right?

Speaker 1 When you make the heavy love, that you're the type of guy to look at your girl and go, would you like a warm towel? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You go get a warm towel, a fresh one, right? Yeah. In fact, you might go to the fucking, the actual closet to get a folded one.
Yeah. Not a used one.
Not a used one. Yeah.
Put the warm water on. 100%.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Me? Damn, you know me.
I know, dude. How the hell does he, how does this happen?

Speaker 1 How do you know? Because it's not like, how do you

Speaker 1 know the majority of people don't know where to take me? But you know exactly. That's why you took me to the spa.
That's right. I know you, dude.
You're sensitive, baby.

Speaker 1 You invited me to the sensitive. And you have.
Yeah, I get it. That's so crazy.
So I'm not that guy. I'm like a mystery to most people.

Speaker 1 You know what I do when they go, when I'm making love, don't making love? You want to clean? She goes, yeah.

Speaker 1 And they use their hand.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And I'm at that point. I'm already sleeping.

Speaker 1 After the spin, I fall asleep. That's your world? Yeah, that's my world, though.
So, how did you? I don't get it. Okay, if that's your world.
Are you kidding me? I'm just you.

Speaker 1 One towel the whole fucking day, baby. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 You know why I'm in that way? Why? It's because of cheerleading. Really?

Speaker 1 Can you please just do a demonstration? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Type in. Type in.
Let's see what

Speaker 1 YouTube.

Speaker 1 I want to see what Shapel do a stream. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go to YouTube.

Speaker 1 Woo! Woo!

Speaker 1 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! What the hell?

Speaker 1 Wow, dude. That was you? Legit.
That's him, dude. That's CGI.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, dude. Yeah.
That's legit, dude. Once upon a time.
Look at it.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, dude.

Speaker 1 Can you do a flip?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can't even do one flip. Look at that.

Speaker 1 You know what the leads are? We're not flippers. We're rollers.
Oh, that's we don't flip, but we roll, we roll better than you. We roll like a motherfucker, don't we?

Speaker 1 In a perfect ball, dude. Yeah, in fact, can I say something? When we wrestled, right? When we did the roll, that was your move.

Speaker 1 What do they used to call that? The egg roll. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I made up a

Speaker 1 move in wrestling that the coach Branster called the egg roll. No, Toretto.
Oh, Toretto did. Yeah, Al Toreto.
Al Toretto called me in. Yeah, and basically, what it is.
Hold up, let's go ahead.

Speaker 1 No, no, you're good.

Speaker 1 You've seen it once again. No, I want to see more of it.

Speaker 1 You want to demonstrate? Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sorry, demonstration.

Speaker 1 Chime. You know, when I was younger,

Speaker 1 I was terrible at banking. I was confused.
So bad. Get overdraft charges.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money. I didn't know how to manage it.
And also, no one was there to help. But Chime understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 3 That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features like overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and much more, which definitely would have helped me when I was doing my PA jobs back in the day.

Speaker 1 Also, with qualifying direct deposits, you are eligible for free overdraft up to $200 or debit card purchases and cash withdrawal.

Speaker 3 You can learn more about it at chime.com slash bad friends. Today, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion, right? You need a little bit of help.

Speaker 3 You need a little money quicker than normal because something pops up. It always does.
You open up a check-in account.

Speaker 3 with zero monthly fees and no maintenance fees, and you got access to over 47,000 fee-free ATMs. That's more than the top three national banks combined.

Speaker 3 All those ATMs are there for you to use and don't get clipped. You got to try QIIME.

Speaker 1 Work on your financial goals through QIIME today. Open an account in two minutes at chime.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 3 That's chime.com slash bad friends. Chime.

Speaker 1 Feel like progress.

Speaker 4 Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bankor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA.
Members, FDIC.

Speaker 4 Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file.
Fees apply at out of network ATMs, bank ranking, and number of ATMs. According to U.S.

Speaker 4 News and World Report 2023, Chime checking account required.

Speaker 1 Hydro. I got it.
You?

Speaker 3 They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced.

Speaker 1 Well, what is it? What is it? Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

Speaker 3 How ultimate is it? You may ask. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, and core, twice as efficient as cycling or running.
Just 20 minutes, all it takes to feel the results. And this is true.

Speaker 3 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers.
The old ways are gone.

Speaker 3 Hydro's newest rower, the Hydro Arc, delivers such powerful results. GQ magazine named it the best rower of 2025, and I agree.

Speaker 1 You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today.

Speaker 3 We should get you one.

Speaker 1 Head over to hydro.com and use code Bad Friends to save up to $600 off on a hydro rower during this holiday season. That's hydro, H-Y-D-R-O-W dot com.

Speaker 3 Code of course is Bad Friends to save up to $600.

Speaker 3 Hydro.com code is Bad Friends.

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever find yourself playing the budgeting game?

Speaker 1 Well, with the name Your Price tool from Progressive, you can find options that fit your budget and potentially lower your bills. Try it at progressive.com.

Speaker 1 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law.
Not available in all states.

Speaker 1 Ship station!

Speaker 1 The way you get your stuff. You guys, when I,

Speaker 1 when I, I have businesses online, dude. And the thing is, is that I don't use junk.
I only use a list of my shoes are a list. The blankets on my bed are a list.
And the way I move my merch is A-list.

Speaker 1 ShipStation. If you sell stuff online, you're definitely in the right business.
Bingo. Dodaloo.
More people are shopping online more than ever.

Speaker 1 That means a lot of orders coming in and a lot of orders you need to ship out fast. That's why online sellers like you need ShipStation.

Speaker 1 No matter how much you sell, ShipStation makes it super easy to manage and ship all your orders from all your sales channels faster, cheaper, and more efficiently. Say something.

Speaker 2 You'll even get access to amazing discounts with major carriers, including UPS, FedEx, and USPS. Easily compare carriers and choose the best solution every time.

Speaker 1 God, that was great. Like you're a professional.
Ship more in less time. Just use my offer code Bad Friends and get a 60-day free trial, right?

Speaker 2 Yes, that's two months free of no hassle stress-free shipping.

Speaker 1 Just go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top of the page, and type in bad friends. That's shipstation.com.
Enter code BAD Friends. Make ship happen.

Speaker 1 Better

Speaker 1 help.

Speaker 1 You guys, during the pandemic, we all struggled. And me and Kalila, we struggled hard.
And guess what we did? We decided not to sit and wallow in our depression. And we decided to use Beta BetterHelp.

Speaker 1 BetterHelp is online therapy, okay? They They match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can start communicating in under 48 hours.
We all have tried it. It's not a crisis line.

Speaker 1 It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online.

Speaker 2 BetterHelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they can make it easy and free to change counselors if needed.

Speaker 1 God, man, I couldn't even say it better than that. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling, and financial aid is available, right, Jules? Yes.

Speaker 2 BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today.

Speaker 1 Say that again, man.

Speaker 2 Visit betterhelp.com/slash bad friends. That's better H-E-L-P and join the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

Speaker 1 In fact, so many people have been using BetterHelp that they are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states.

Speaker 1 This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, and Bad Friends listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 That's 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 Yo!

Speaker 1 Yo!

Speaker 1 Yo!

Speaker 1 Okay, it was a joke. It was a joke.

Speaker 1 It was a joke. Yo! Yo, it was a joke.

Speaker 1 Yo, it was a joke.

Speaker 1 Joke for Laffies, guys.

Speaker 1 Come over here, Peter. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 It was everywhere,

Speaker 1 I wrestle for a week.

Speaker 1 What I do is I do this.

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or something, I'll get out like this.

Speaker 1 Okay. Right? With the egg roll always.
No, but

Speaker 1 you're missing the point. Go ahead, get back down.

Speaker 1 You would literally.

Speaker 1 You would clink fast.

Speaker 1 Stevie!

Speaker 1 Why are you laughing? Why is that so funny? I don't know if it's realized. Why Why is that so funny? Wait, hold on.
Why is that so funny to you?

Speaker 1 Chappelle, why is that so funny to you?

Speaker 1 Was that funny looking?

Speaker 1 No, it was just his ass. Anyway, it's fine.

Speaker 1 But my brother used to do this thing. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go back. I want to get my both.
I want to do my mouth.

Speaker 1 So my brother used to do this thing.

Speaker 1 What move?

Speaker 1 So I'm going to... Can you hear me? Oh no, I'm going to use the mic.

Speaker 1 What move? So check it out.

Speaker 1 What move?

Speaker 1 I am going to. I'm going to describe it for you.
Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 my brother was ranked probably the number one guy in California. Second in the California.

Speaker 1 Second?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That's what he told me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But my brother would go to Oklahoma, remember, and kill everybody. So my brother

Speaker 1 was very good. So every year, my brother, even as a freshman, was in varsity or no? Yeah, I lettered.
He lettered as a freshman, dude. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 And I wrestled all my high school. Never got a letterman jacket.
He got it his freshman year. All right.
So my brother was a champion.

Speaker 1 They would put in the papers, they would write articles about him.

Speaker 1 And then in California, not just local, like in the California like newspapers, big ones. But you're missing a big point.
And so every year, my brother would win the CIF, CIF title, right?

Speaker 1 And so what happens is when you go to the fucking auditorium, they show the mat in this big auditorium, right? And they have tunnels.

Speaker 1 And they would put smoke out, and my brother would say,

Speaker 1 Stephen Lee. My brother would come out.

Speaker 1 You'd go pants. You're the gymnasium.
You'd run from the outside.

Speaker 1 In fact, if you look at wrestling photos,

Speaker 1 I'm always in the audience. It was always long air.
I was always supportive, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So one night, my brother was CIF.
My brother did something.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I remember what you said. So, what my brother did is, so basically, what it is, is this, okay? Oh, let me do it.
Let me do it. You're going to do it to me or something.

Speaker 1 So he stands up like this. He stood up like this.
He stands up like this.

Speaker 1 My brother, right? This is an improvised move. I went like this.
No, no, no, you didn't do that. What do you know?

Speaker 1 I think what you did is you grabbed underneath and you grabbed his neck. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you snapped him back. Let me do it.
Let me do it. You snapped him back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So you went up like this. I went up like this, right? Yeah, yeah.
And then I went like this, and I snapped him back.

Speaker 1 So I'll go back down. And I went, I don't know.
I did that, right? And you fucking pinned him. Yeah.
And the place went... Yeah.
Pandemonia, dude. Yeah, yeah.
I was crying.

Speaker 1 But it was, I don't know how I it was. What year was it? It was the adrenaline where I went, boom, and then I kind of got.
And this was your freshman year? Yeah. This was your favorite year.

Speaker 1 Freshman sophomore year.

Speaker 1 Like my sophomore and junior year. And my brother, every year and every tournament, would crush it, article after article.
Pride, pride. Lee, pride.

Speaker 1 Every year, every year, senior year, he goes to state and he makes shame.

Speaker 1 He shamed. He shamed the Lee family.
He shamed our heritage.

Speaker 1 He burned the family tree, dude. Bro, I was there.
I rode 12 hours from Sacramento in a minivan, dude, 12 hours back, drive back. I didn't even know if I had a brother then, dude.

Speaker 1 Anyway, good job, though. The snapback? Hey, freshman year, give him a run of boss.
Snap back, freshman year, dude.

Speaker 1 Those are skills you don't forget, though. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't do it. But I remember, there's this.
When I was in eighth or ninth grade, they prep you, right? They groom you to be the next varsity 103 pounder. Do you remember a guy named Tony Mattusi?

Speaker 1 Do I remember Tony Mattusi, dude? I think about him every day.

Speaker 1 So there's a guy.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay. This kid, this kid, Tony Mattusi.
Imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, no, Rocky Mars.
His face was like Rocky Marshall. No, but his body.

Speaker 1 His body. Arnold Schwarzenegger's body.
Okay. Rocky Marshall.
You can already go into this shrinking machine.

Speaker 1 Right? So Arnold goes, me? Yeah, he goes to the shrinking machine. He goes down to 98 pounds, right? That's Tony Mattusi.
Dude, he was a buff.

Speaker 1 My brother. Like, he looked like Robert De Niro, like Rocky Mars.
Martiano, Like,

Speaker 1 just a little, little Rocky Balboa. He was 40 years old.
He was a rock. Like a coal miner.
Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 A New York coal miner.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 The coach, Bransted and Toretto,

Speaker 1 they invited me after, like, before practice, hey, get your shoes and meet in

Speaker 1 the wrestling room. Okay.
Okay. Just to see how I would do against, because he was the guy and I was the

Speaker 1 other guy. I took him down.
I took him down, but then I, you know what he said? Because I kept head-butting him, and he goes, You're just like your brother.

Speaker 1 I kept headbutting him. And that's what he kept saying.

Speaker 1 I will headbutt the fuck up. You've head-butted me before.
Yeah, but I do like, I don't even need distance, bro.

Speaker 1 I'll show you, bro. All right.
I don't even need distance, bro. Check this out.
That's your head, bro.

Speaker 1 Oh, bro. I will

Speaker 1 fucking crack your fucking.

Speaker 1 I will crack your cheekbone, bed.

Speaker 1 I will crack your cheekbone bud hurt so bad right now but with him

Speaker 1 I did it for the comedy bud yeah yeah I'm about to pass on but I did it for the comedy bud you didn't have to do that

Speaker 1 I go into convulsions yeah I know

Speaker 1 but with him he was actually um slated to wrestle varsity his senior year at 105 pounds 105 yeah 105 why do you keep trying to build I'm a loser no you're a winner no I'm a loser why do you keep building up sex in the city that's not back then though oh my god god, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Pineapple books.

Speaker 1 This guy's on top he's on top of that. He's doing great.

Speaker 1 And it's amazing. Listen, I really do feel like I connect with Bobby now.
Fugazi chuck. Yeah.
Right? Name me one Sonic Youth album.

Speaker 1 Washing Machine.

Speaker 1 Evil.

Speaker 1 I mean, I mean, that's. He's so cool, dude.

Speaker 1 He's so cool.

Speaker 1 Daydream Nation. Yeah.
Great. Sister.
Yeah. Sister's a great album.
Dirty? Dirty, yes. Great album.
Dirty's a great album. Yeah, yeah.
It was a very commercial.

Speaker 1 I think I have a dirty shirt. No, I have the wash.

Speaker 1 I have one more to get. If you go.
I wonder if that was it. No,

Speaker 1 I was wearing Sonic Youth Washing Machine. That's what it is.
That's what it was. That's what it was.
That's what it was. Now I remember.

Speaker 1 I finally payed it. No, no, no, no.
I get it. I get it.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 He doesn't like you as well. He also made a comment about it.
I get it. You do.
I realize. I don't eat it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He made a comment about it.
That's right. Because I was like, yo, because I saw he had a Sonic Youth patch on his

Speaker 1 vest. And I was like, yo, Washing Machines were going to be a little bit more damage.
I finally get it. I know why.
Andrew Santino and I are doing a movie.

Speaker 1 I'm going to give you the third lead of the movie. Absolutely.
If you answer this question correctly. Oh, gosh.
Is this a music question? Yes. Just name me one

Speaker 1 pavement album. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Damn, that's a tough one.

Speaker 1 See, I know the album I'm thinking of is the one with,

Speaker 1 it's got cut your hair on it. Yes.
Fuck, what's the name of that album? Abbott Ega's favorite pavement album is Wowie Zawe. Yeah, that's a red one, right? No, that's a blue one.

Speaker 1 It has a little like a cartoon drawing of a couple of monkeys on it. I thought he liked the one, the red, that red.
Yeah, the one that's called Slanted Enchanted. Enchanted Enchanted.

Speaker 1 And that's the one that you're thinking about.

Speaker 1 But the thing that you're thinking about isn't.

Speaker 1 It's not on that album. No, it's called Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain.
Crooked Rain. Yes.
Yeah, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain. Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 You're in the movie. Wait, wait.
Sixth lead, though. Wait, because I intervene.
That's 12 life. It's interviewed.
I'll take six. I know why.
Now it makes sense. Damn, that was a good.

Speaker 1 That was a good idea. I know why you guys have this connection.
Why? Because I went the hip-hop route. I got into the other stuff later.
Yeah. You were got, you guys were, and that's my fault.

Speaker 1 Like, you guys, you guys were more into the cool, like, like black flag. And you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, that route.
Yeah. So I fucked you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then I didn't discover that until later. You didn't fuck with each other immediately because I was wearing the Sonic Q shirt.
Yeah. And, you know,

Speaker 1 this is why, this is where, like, maybe like I want to be more open and honest about it. It's like,

Speaker 1 I think that you and I could be very good friends because you and I have extreme similar things that we like.

Speaker 1 How about this? I'll give you the third lead if you name me five

Speaker 1 skateboarding companies. Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1 Toy Machine, Foundation, Baker, Birdhouse.

Speaker 1 It's otherwise.

Speaker 1 Just one of the coolest guys ever. Right? And this is what I'm telling you, Jules.
Like,

Speaker 1 I forced her to watch Magnolia.

Speaker 1 You forced her? Yeah. You forced her to chula? I forced her to watch Magnolia.
What'd you think about it? The movie, Jules?

Speaker 2 So long.

Speaker 1 I mean, you try.

Speaker 1 You try.

Speaker 1 I go, look at Philip Seymour often is acting. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was better than

Speaker 1 Hunger Games.

Speaker 1 He's better than... I didn't know he was in Hunger Games.
He really good. He started Hunger Games.
He better. Hunger Games.
Oh, right. Oh, my God.
Tom Cruise, too much.

Speaker 1 As you said, Tom Cruise, too much. That was a great character.
What a great character. That motivational speech.
Yeah, yeah. And then she fell asleep for half of it.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's do this with Jules because you didn't let her talk a lot this episode. Okay, go ahead.
Jules, what are your top three movies?

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 Bobby's going to laugh at me.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no. I'd like to do this.
I promise I won't. Dude, no, five.
I promise you.

Speaker 1 Five, three of your favorite.

Speaker 2 It's three, three.

Speaker 2 I walk to remember.

Speaker 1 Shout out to Shane West. You know that? I know Shane West, yeah.
You know, Shane West. Yeah, I do.
Who's Shane West? He's he's the lead in there. He plays the boyfriend.
And that's your friend? Yeah.

Speaker 1 A walk to remember. I've never seen that.
Wow. I've never seen that.

Speaker 1 Yeah. A walk.
That's so random. That's Chappelle's friend.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Britt Morrison. Right, right, right.
Oh, he's fucked with Brett. He fucks with Brett.
Right? Go ahead. Britain and Jason Collins.
Second movie. Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Can I say

Speaker 2 Black Widow?

Speaker 1 Black Widow. Great movie.
Do you see Black Widow? Black Widow. I don't think that.
The new one. Oh, no.
I haven't seen that. Masterpiece.
Love that. Oh, really? Yeah.
Is it really good? Really good.

Speaker 1 Do you guys like it? Oh, Scarlett Johanna.

Speaker 1 I love Light Widow. No, no, was it good? I swear to God it's good.
It's like Spider-Man good. I swear to God it's Spider-Man.
It's like Spider-Man. I swear to God it is.
Oh, really? It's that good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I haven't seen it. I think it's good.
It's good. I think it's good.
Okay, she has one more. I don't think you're going to watch it and go, oh, that was bad.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And I wish you've done that to me a thousand times. No, I haven't.
Oh, yeah? Go ahead. Third movie.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 Spider-Man, No Way Home.

Speaker 1 Is that the newest one?

Speaker 1 See? You know, I think your favorite? You know, Chappelle, I think the better question is, just name me all the movies you've seen. Because that would be the same list.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? She doesn't know. She watches anime.
You do? Yeah, she watches like...

Speaker 1 If I peek in a a room, it's always going to be like, what the hell?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's give her this option.
Oh, God, Steve. No, because I want her to get involved.
I like it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what she loves doing?

Speaker 1 Steve,

Speaker 1 she writes poetry.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 She does improv poetry.

Speaker 1 She does. And she does improv monologues for films.
I don't. If you want to see magic, go do an improv mom.
Give her a scenario.

Speaker 1 You're a lawyer and you're doing an opening statement for like somebody who got murdered at a trial. She'll do it.
Three of your favorite anime. Just give her that.
Okay. At least give her that.

Speaker 2 Three of your favorite: Attack on Titan, Jujutsu Kaizen, Hunter, Hunter.

Speaker 1 Oh, you don't know what that is. I know what Attack on Titan is.

Speaker 1 So, Steve,

Speaker 1 what's your favorite monologue from Attack on Titan? Um, dude, it's been years.

Speaker 1 Okay, if there was a monologue,

Speaker 1 if there was a monologue, what would the monologue be? Yeah, they're coming.

Speaker 1 Imagine, imagine this.

Speaker 1 That giant is coming.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Imagine this, right?

Speaker 1 Some guy, a writer, Attack on Titan, right?

Speaker 1 So basically, he knows that some

Speaker 1 voiceover actor, right, is going to have a challenging day because this is a moment. This is a monologue, right?

Speaker 1 And the actor, the voiceover actor, can't sleep the night before because he knows the big moment. And it's so secret, you know, give him the sides.

Speaker 1 He shows up.

Speaker 1 Ready for your big scene?

Speaker 1 They're coming.

Speaker 1 They're coming. All right.

Speaker 1 You just fucked up the bit. Oh, go ahead.
Go ahead. No, it's alright.

Speaker 1 Why are you getting CC?

Speaker 1 In the bit, right?

Speaker 1 The joke is for me to say they're coming. Okay.
Right? Just remind you of something. Just remind them.
I'm not going to remind you.

Speaker 1 And you know what I ended up doing? Because the moment's gone. Yeah, the moment.
So by you saying,

Speaker 1 no, you ruined it. No, don't do it again, please.

Speaker 1 It's funnier if you let us sit. No, I don't.
It's funny if you let it sit. No, no, no, no, no.
That's not good for me, though. I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Speaker 1 Seriously, seriously. It's an OCD.

Speaker 1 It's an OCD thing.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, please. I won't be able to sit.
Well, how about this then? Please do. Give me a one-minute monologue that they would do in fucking that OCD.
That'd be good. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Just a minute. Make up a monologue.
You're going to give them a minute? That's a good one. I could do it right now.
Well, go ahead. Show us how it's done.

Speaker 1 The sanctity of my life.

Speaker 1 The sanctity of life is what we all should be focusing on because we live within the walls. The three walls.
The center wall, I've never been.

Speaker 1 As a child, I've wanted to go to the center wall, but they would not allow me. I, therefore, was born within the third wall.

Speaker 1 The third world where the monsters came at night, reached the wall, ate my mother. What are we gonna do as a people? Hide, cower, or do we fight?

Speaker 1 Do we fight as villagers? Do we fight as humans? Do we fight as a family? Right?

Speaker 1 That's when I

Speaker 1 right. I'm flying now in the air.
Hi idea! And I took, I just now took down a fucking titanium. That's what I wanted you to do.
First of all, wait, wait, wait, no.

Speaker 1 First of all, no, no, absolutely not.

Speaker 1 No, absolutely not. Absolutely not.
Listen, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Go ahead.
The only way we can make this official.

Speaker 1 Jules, what did you think of that? You watch anime. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Jules, look at me. Yeah, yeah.
You watch anime. Jules, look at me.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Don't try to sway her.

Speaker 2 Think about it.

Speaker 2 Steve, I'm sorry, but Kitu Bobby was good.

Speaker 1 All right, good job. Thank you.
He even flew in the air. I flew in the air at the end.
You flew in the air? I'd make a choice. He killed the boss.
The sound effects.

Speaker 1 You thought, oh, it's Pablo Francisco here? No. Bobby Lee harnessed it.
Okay. That's why you do TV and movies, my friend.
You got it.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 There was so much hostility behind that. No, no, no.
There was no hostility. Did you feel the hostility? No, there was no hostility.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you couldn't do the monologue. Yeah, I couldn't do the monologue.

Speaker 1 Because, can I tell you why? I don't know the dialogue in that.

Speaker 1 But here's what you do about improv. Okay.
You don't know what you're going to say ever. You just start talking.

Speaker 1 Because once you go, what am I going to say? It's over. It's a wrap.
It's a wrap, right? So without even thinking, you have to go in, right? So what did I say? What was my opening line? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yes,

Speaker 1 the sanctity of life.

Speaker 1 That doesn't make any sense, but it is a beginning of a really good monologue, I think. I think so, too.
Thank you. Yeah.
Anyway, you got a monologue, Jules? No, I don't. I watch a lot of anime.

Speaker 1 I want to focus more on her.

Speaker 1 I'm in a room full of non-improvisors. Oh, yeah.
Can you do it? Nah, I can't do it. No, I want to do this.
You can do it. No.
No. You can't do it.
I don't want to watch anime.

Speaker 1 I really fucking watch TV. But let's do this with Jules.
I want to know personally what it's like to live with my brother, Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 You guys, when I go to Hawaii, I have to order out a lot. Dude, the only, Steve, the only app I use is DoorDash.
The most hospitable ones and the ones that have the most restaurants is DoorDash.

Speaker 1 Did you know that? I've talked about to you before, right? Yeah. Did you forget that one thing at the store? I'm asking you, Jules.

Speaker 1 Now you can can get snacks jewels drinks and household essentials in 30 minutes with door dash did you know that what else can you get bud

Speaker 2 you can get deodorant um

Speaker 2 morning pick me up from dunkin

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 chinese food chinese food

Speaker 1 anyway also pizza right yes pizza what else Froyo. Froyo.
You know what Froyo is?

Speaker 2 Frozen yogurt.

Speaker 1 Woo! There's something for everyone on DoorDash.

Speaker 1 You guys, I love DoorDash so much. For a limited time, our listeners can get 25% off and zero delivery fees on their first order of $15 or more.

Speaker 2 When you download the DoorDash app and enter the code BAD Friends2022.

Speaker 1 That's 25% off, man. Up to $10 value and zero delivery fees on your first order.
When you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code Bad Friends2022.

Speaker 2 Don't forget that's code Bad Friends2022 for 25% off of your first order with DoorDash.

Speaker 1 Subject to change terms apply. Roman for your pee-pee when you pee-pee dead.

Speaker 1 Roman for your pee-pee when you pee-pee dead.

Speaker 1 You guys, when you get older, your pee-pee die.

Speaker 1 You know, mine died three years ago. I looked at it and I go, bye-bye.
But then you know what happened? I got a knock on the door. Guess who it was? Roman.
And they go, no, no, bye-bye. Hello.

Speaker 1 I go, hello, what? Hello to a new life. And I started taking Roman and my pee-pee is back, Jules.
It's almost Valentine's Day and love is in the air.

Speaker 1 and whether it's a third date or a 30-year anniversary, you don't want erectile dysfunction getting in the way of a perfect night.

Speaker 1 If you've been experiencing ED, then visit getroman.com slash bad friends today to speak with a U.S. licensed healthcare professional about ED.

Speaker 1 If prescribed, get $15 off your first month of treatment. Okay, with ED treatments,

Speaker 1 you can have self-assurance that comes from knowing you're prepared yourself for the moment, when the moment comes.

Speaker 1 You pick up your phone or laptop and complete a free online visit with a U.S. licensed healthcare professional.
That's what Roman provides.

Speaker 1 Roman offers five prescription treatments, including the brand and generic versions of the most common ED medications. A U.S.

Speaker 1 licensed healthcare professional will work with you to find the best treatment plan. If prescription medication is appropriate, it ships to you free with two-day shipping.
Tell them more.

Speaker 2 With Roman, you get free ongoing care for erectile dysfunction, all from the comfort and privacy of

Speaker 1 your home. That's right.
To get started, it's simple. Just go to getroman.com/slash bad friends and complete an online visit.
That's getroman.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 Tito Bobby just bought an air fryer,

Speaker 2 and then he has been cooking stupid food every night, and then he doesn't clean it, and so the kitchen is all messed up. And then when I ask him to clean it, he says,

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 because I have this big house that I'm letting you sleep, eat, and do everything, so you should clean it. And it's all messed up.

Speaker 2 And I have to clean it every night.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I might need a second here. Why? I'm so furious.
Why?

Speaker 1 I'm so.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 don't say, think about what you're about to say. I didn't.
I'm just. Ask.
Don't. What are you a fucking Jedi master? No, I'm just

Speaker 1 calm. You calm.
Be good. All right.
Okay. I'm calm down now.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 You little pathetic

Speaker 1 trollop.

Speaker 1 You're a pathetic little

Speaker 1 shit nugget, huh?

Speaker 2 You're a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, interesting. So, can I ask you a question real quick? And I just want to, one incident, okay? Two nights ago, very specific.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 I cleaned the kitchen. Just stop, okay?

Speaker 1 And then you go, did Auntie Kalila clean the kitchen? She said that. And I go, no, I did.

Speaker 1 Then you asked me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you did.
And you asked Kalila, I go, did you keep cleaning the kitchen? Because I did such a good job. You couldn't believe it.
No. Yes.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, good.

Speaker 2 When you clean that,

Speaker 2 I also had to clean it again because all the plates had small things that you couldn't wash.

Speaker 1 Fruit flies. Yeah.
Not fruit flies. No, like little stains.

Speaker 1 Like stains, man. Fruit flies.
What What the fuck? Are we in fucking Malaysia? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 There's fruit flies in all your homes.

Speaker 2 Fruit flies and all your lives. Everywhere.

Speaker 1 Everywhere. Really? Anywhere you live, fruit flies.

Speaker 1 Anywhere you would live, fruit flies. Everywhere.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you a question, fucker.

Speaker 1 Why would one have fucking

Speaker 1 fruit flies, fucker? Because you don't take out the trash. No, I love fruit.
Oh, you don't take out the trash. I love fruit flies.

Speaker 1 God, man.

Speaker 1 Don't we love fruit? But listen, there's a lot of people that love fruit, but I don't see fruit flies. Are you not eating your fruit? Oh,

Speaker 1 all right, you fucking.

Speaker 1 Bro, I live with two jungle Asians. Uh-huh.
Right?

Speaker 1 You, you put a mango. I'll give you a

Speaker 1 test. I buy a mango at the store.
Yeah. Right? I park my car.
As soon as I walk, I have the mango in my hand, right?

Speaker 1 As soon as I walk through the door, it's gone.

Speaker 1 Open your mouth. Open your mouth, Jules.
The seed is in her mouth. No.

Speaker 1 They love it. They love mangoes.
Yeah. Now, what? Fruit fries.
What they do with the seeds?

Speaker 1 They put a seed just in the middle of the fucking living room, dude. Oh, they do.

Speaker 1 Like, because that's their culture. Jules, you do that?

Speaker 2 No, I don't.

Speaker 1 No, I don't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you do. I don't.
No, you do. You do.
Ship head. Fuck you.
Fuck fur. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Fuck you. Fuck you.
We do that all the time.

Speaker 1 We'll be having dinner. We'll be having dinner, right? And her and I will just not say, we'll just look look at each other at dinner.
I'll go, fuck you. And she'll go, fuck you.

Speaker 1 We hate each other. Damn.
But love. There's love, though.
Yeah, there's love. There's love.
He loves you. Yeah.
There's a lot of love. Come on.
Oh, my God. Can I ask you this?

Speaker 1 Am I invited to the UFC fight tomorrow? I mean, I missed going to your place and watching fights. Are you

Speaker 1 booster?

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. I didn't get the booster.
No.

Speaker 1 Okay. If you would have got the booster, 100%.
I'm going to say something right now. Because today

Speaker 1 Louis Anderson died. Oh,

Speaker 1 God. And I have to say it.
I have to talk about it. Yeah, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 1 I have to talk about it. I can't talk about it.
Yeah, go ahead, Bob. All right.

Speaker 1 You know this because I feel like you went through the process.

Speaker 1 It's hard. Comedy.
Tough. It's one of the worst human environments ever, I think.
I can't imagine any, I don't see any other, you know, I mean, entertainment medium that

Speaker 1 it's as difficult. Acting's hard.
Everything's hard, I guess. Everything's hard.
Everything's hard. But comedy is especially dark.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it gets real dark. I don't know.
I always think about that type of shit all the time because I journal like fucking religiously.

Speaker 1 He journals religiously.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 He journals.

Speaker 1 So, diary? Yeah, like journals. Diary? Kind of.
But go ahead, Chappelle. So you have a diary?

Speaker 1 This motherfucker. Yeah.
No, do you have a diary?

Speaker 1 No, it's a journal. I don't like when people...

Speaker 1 When guys say journal. I don't say dear diary.
But that's what you are doing.

Speaker 1 I don't go dear diary. Do you do this ever? I don't go.
Today was hard. Never.
Never, yeah. I had a difficult situation today.
Never.

Speaker 1 I don't break it down like that. You don't.
So never in your diary, you go,

Speaker 1 journal. It's a journal.

Speaker 1 I have feelings for this person, and they rejected it. No.
So there's never any internal introspection. 14 years old.
There's no introspection going on.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of introspection, but it's not not written like that. Like, why, like, you're talking like I'm as if I'm like 13 years old.
I know. I don't want to know.
I know.

Speaker 1 You're like, hold another tone. Oh, it's usually just like,

Speaker 1 okay, I have a big anger problem. Most people don't know that.
What? Yeah, I have a massive anger problem.

Speaker 1 So whenever something happens, like if a situation is thrown my way, I'll journal about how like I'm actually proud of myself that I didn't react the way I normally would have. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got an anger problem, too.
I know he does. But you breathing? How do you get through the anger? How do I get through it? Yeah.
Oh man.

Speaker 1 It's sometimes it can be fucking tough, but I just get really silent. When I'm really silent.
You internalize? When I'm really silent, it's like, oh, shit, there's something wrong. But would you?

Speaker 1 But that's me now. Back in the day.
You would physically snap. When I saw that video of you flipping, that doesn't look like you.

Speaker 1 That looks like a 10 times bigger version of what. Were you bigger then?

Speaker 1 He was more

Speaker 1 slimmer. He was slimmer.
He was slimmer. I was shredded.
You were shredded then. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I was okay, no.

Speaker 1 I have a gut.

Speaker 1 You know what? It's got a Forrest Whitaker vibe.

Speaker 1 Cut that out.

Speaker 1 That's what you gave me? Ghost Dog?

Speaker 1 Nah, dude. All right.
Ghost Dog? Because I love Ghost Dog.

Speaker 1 I'll take that. And when I said Ghost Dog, I didn't mean Ghost Dog.
Yeah. But I knew that Ghost Dog would make you feel better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. How'd you know? Yeah, he.
Dude, you know me, dude.

Speaker 1 This is. And I don't know.

Speaker 1 getting jealous now. I don't know.
Because I thought I was close to you. Yeah, yeah.
But he understands you. If I just give Forrest Whitaker a body, you give him a body there.

Speaker 1 And maybe there'll be a banjo body on my body. The fact that he said Forrest Whitaker and he said Ghost Dog in like Ghost Dog's a fucking dope movie.
Oh, I got a better one than that. All right.

Speaker 1 To get you on my side.

Speaker 1 To get you on my side.

Speaker 1 Lawrence Fishburne in Apocalypse Now. I didn't see Apocalypse Now.

Speaker 1 I got to see what he looks like. Lawrence Fishburne in the King of New York.
No, no. The King of New York.

Speaker 1 Lawrence Fishburne. No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, Barnes first.

Speaker 1 Apocalypse Not first.

Speaker 1 So, my brother thinks. No, Winnie.

Speaker 1 My brother thinks this light-skinned... Let's sit.
Go.

Speaker 1 I'm talking about his body.

Speaker 1 No, I'm talking about his body. You think that that body?

Speaker 1 See, look, look.

Speaker 1 You think that this body, the body of Kreem Abdul Jabbar, that's what his body looks like. No, no, no, get me into some other examples.
No, you give me another example of an actor.

Speaker 1 I want to stick with Lawrence Fisher. I want to stick with Lawrence.
The different skin color.

Speaker 1 I want to stick with Lawrence. If we're going to give you another chance, I'd rather use

Speaker 1 a different actor. Okay, okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Will Smith and I Am Legend.

Speaker 1 I am Legend.

Speaker 1 I am Legend. Oh, I got one.
I got one. Denzel and Fences.

Speaker 1 I'll take that. Fuck you.

Speaker 1 I'll take that. That's a fair one.
It's a fair one. Yep.
That's a fair one. It's a fair one.
See, you're giving me like, like, like, I don't, like, he's giving me very fair body types.

Speaker 1 You're giving me like...

Speaker 1 Was the best. That's fair.

Speaker 1 But that's not fair. That's, that's.
What do you mean? I gave him a real good. That's out of my league.
What do you mean? Yeah. Yeah.
I gave him a real good. It's like me saying you, Chris Hemsworth.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It just doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 It just doesn't make any sense. So are we talking about body type? What are we talking about here? Body type?

Speaker 1 No, we're talking about body type. No, when you're at your peak in gymnastics, is that what we're talking about? No, we're talking about current.

Speaker 1 Oh, see, see, that's where I have to interview because I thought

Speaker 1 we were going back to at his peak during his gymnastic years. You got to give him away.
So, yeah, exactly. So, now that I know that.

Speaker 1 I believe that he, the people who were thinking about that, so go ahead. That's fair.
That's fair. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Now try it.
Yeah, try it.

Speaker 1 Think about it. Think about it.
Yeah, think about it. I got another one.

Speaker 1 I already have another one. Go ahead.
Go ahead. Okay,

Speaker 1 Delroy Roy Lindo in the core.

Speaker 1 I got to see that one. Del Roy Lindo, the core.

Speaker 1 Yo. Yo, check it out, dude.
Yo.

Speaker 1 Get you any Delroy Lindo.

Speaker 1 Any Delroy Lindo.

Speaker 1 Face, this is the face. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Del Roy Lindo, the harder they're. That ain't happening, bro.

Speaker 1 No, that ain't happening. Get the ticket to go.
The harder they're going to be. Can you give me a photo, body photo?

Speaker 1 I'll take that. Nah, that ain't happening, bro.
Yeah. Nah.
Del Roy Lindo, see? I'll take Del Rondo. Del Roy Lindo, right? I'll take Del Roy Lindo.
Yeah, yeah. Go go ahead.

Speaker 1 And this is a compliment, dude.

Speaker 1 Hold up, hold up.

Speaker 1 This is going to be a compliment. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Because he's been complimenting me. I know, man.
I need to get you on my side, man, because I'm jealous of your guys' thing.

Speaker 1 Cuba Gooding Jr.

Speaker 1 in Jerry Maguire.

Speaker 1 Okay. Wait, let's talk about.
can I say something right now? Yeah. And I'm about to, because the UFC is tomorrow.
Okay. Go down the lineup.

Speaker 1 And I want, no, I don't know the lineup, but I only know the two. But there was a fighter, a Mexican kid, who's the champion now.
Yeah, he's the 125. Brendan Moreno.
Yeah, the 125-pound guy.

Speaker 1 And my stud.

Speaker 1 I already know. You already know what I'm saying.
So, Kalila said today, I was going,

Speaker 1 I was watching the embeddeds, and I go, Brendan Moreno,

Speaker 1 he's pretty fucking cute, huh? He's a cutie. And she goes,

Speaker 1 I know why you're saying that.

Speaker 1 And I go, why? She goes, it's so weird and gross. What? And I go, why? He goes, he's the Mexican version of your brother.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Cut that out of the whole thing. That's my brother.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Have you seen him talk

Speaker 1 and talk to his kids and the way he acts? He acts just like you. No, I don't.
He's a kid, baby. I don't know.
That's a compliment. That's a kid.
It is a a compliment. It's a beast, though, dude.

Speaker 1 Is that a compliment? Yeah, all right, George, keep it in. Keep it in.
Keep it in it. Keep it in it.

Speaker 1 Keep it anyway.

Speaker 1 Anyway, that's you, dude. Really? Yeah, that's a compliment.
Now, give me a body. Yeah, give him a body.

Speaker 1 Everyone, give me a body now. Okay, well, hold up.
I just saw the Pat Merida documentary.

Speaker 1 I need a weapon now. For a second, I need a weapon.

Speaker 1 Holy moly, quat moly. It's Kick Rio, my friend.
Dude,

Speaker 1 I'm just letting you know. Hold up.
I'm just letting the whole world know.

Speaker 1 Dude, that's the most closest to you that I can imagine. Wow.
Not only body type, facial structure, hair, everything.

Speaker 1 Behavior. Behavior.
That's you. Behavior.
And you know it. Bro, I wasn't going to say that.
And you know it. And I'm going to say the grandpa from three ninjas.

Speaker 1 That's what I was going to say.

Speaker 1 Pull it up. That's a good one.
Let's do it. I love that dude.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 Homie from Twitter. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Pretty close. He was a G.
Pretty damn close. It's crazy.
Dude, that's a great documentary, though. You know what that's about?

Speaker 1 The more than Miyagi. Have you seen this documentary? I haven't.
You know what? The saddest part of it? Did you see the spot where he was doing that bong? He's like 70 years old. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he's smoking this bong with like all these young kids. Yeah.
And he's like at a party.

Speaker 1 Really? Yeah. He's an alcoholic.
Yeah, and in my head, I'm like... Oh, I didn't know that.
Yeah, in my head, I'm like,

Speaker 1 it just doesn't look right or feel right. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like, he should be like, you know, babysitting his grandkids. Yes.
And going to like Disneyland.

Speaker 1 People don't know. He was a stand-up.
He was a stand-up comedian. He's a stand-up comedian.
People don't realize that. His career is so much like mine.
It is. It's so much.

Speaker 1 His career is so much. Even him as a person,

Speaker 1 he was like the San Francisco guy. Like this guy was born here.
Just talk like us. Yeah.
Regular guy. You saw Happy Days? Yeah, of course, dude.
That was

Speaker 1 a good idea. Yeah, they cover that.
I never knew why.

Speaker 1 Did you know why?

Speaker 1 When Pat Morino was on Happy Days, Asians, we went, Hooray, Morty. Yeah.

Speaker 1 We turned on whatever that was.

Speaker 1 Happy Days. Yeah.
And he came, Hora Morty. We all TBE.
Like, they went crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For real? Yeah, yeah. They went crazy, dude.

Speaker 1 And the reason why the next year he wasn't on the show anymore is because the network gave him his own show. Oh, that's right.
And it failed. Oh, yeah.
And then

Speaker 1 he tanked.

Speaker 1 And he couldn't get back in.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 Until Karate Kid. Yeah.
Oh, because he had, yeah. Yeah, Mr.
Miyagi.

Speaker 1 But you have to understand that from Happy Days to Karate Kid, you're talking about 20 years. No.
Yeah. So,

Speaker 1 what did he do?

Speaker 1 I know. What did he do? Just guest starring and different things.
Yeah, it's hard, man. But yeah, man,

Speaker 1 I'm telling you right now, if you want to know somebody that's very similar to Bobby Lee,

Speaker 1 watch Beyond Miyagi. So then you better take his compliment instead of mine.

Speaker 1 Yours was an attack.

Speaker 1 Yours was such a fundamental attack. First of all, you don't even give me an actor that's even famous.
You go, oh, you know, that guy that died in Total Recall. You're like,

Speaker 1 I'm the guy that died in Total Recall?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the dude in the beginning, in the elevator. Like, what the fuck? That's a damn good movie, though.
Damn good movie.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 The original Total Recall, right?

Speaker 1 Damn good. Fucking damn good movie.
So, in a way, that was a compliment.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I can't believe I didn't kill you a long ago.

Speaker 1 Growing up, I don't know. No, it's okay.
It's okay. But do you remember

Speaker 1 how violent dad was?

Speaker 1 Why you bring that up?

Speaker 1 That's what I was going to have in coming. What? You had an abusive dad? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's why I brought it up. He wanted me to.
You know what he did? did you know he looked at me you know what he did he wanted us he went

Speaker 1 he did the eye thing again dude i did not do that

Speaker 1 you guys do have a connection

Speaker 1 i'll accept that oddly enough no no you do have a special connection with was your dad violent stepfather and was he um let me ask you something okay your mother raised you then yeah i was with my well My story's kind of tricky.

Speaker 1 I want to know. So I was with my biological mom and my stepfather, right?

Speaker 1 Both black? Yeah, both black. And my stepfather had kicked me out, and then I was adopted into a white family.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that. Yeah.
Your senior year or just in high school? I was in high school. Yeah.
I love those liberal white families that do that.

Speaker 1 Love. Nothing but love.
Lassandra Bullock and the Tim McGrath. Yeah.
I love it.

Speaker 1 What do they feed you, bud? The worst shit ever.

Speaker 1 Like what? Black food is trash.

Speaker 1 No, really? They don't listen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're like super Christians. Oh, they must have listened to me.

Speaker 1 So, you went to church, you weren't to church, you had to go to church and all that? Uh, no, they actually

Speaker 1 at first they were pretty hard about it, and then eventually they were like, Oh,

Speaker 1 you know, he ain't going, yeah, yeah, right, right. But you probably didn't do drugs or drink.
Well, you weren't.

Speaker 1 I was heavy into drinking. Oh, you were? Yeah.
Well, what, beer? I've been off alcohol

Speaker 1 almost eight years. Oh, well, which is hard liquor, beer, or like what? Yeah, wild turkey.
Oh, damn. Put a little hair on your chest.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. Damn.
Wow, I was pretty. I was pretty.

Speaker 1 That's, yeah, that was my.

Speaker 1 When you're flipping, I didn't like anything else. But, Chappelle, when you're doing the flip,

Speaker 1 in your head, you're like, I should be a comedian. When does that happen? Someone dared me.
Oh, wow. And I just got on stage and I was like, I'm dropping out.

Speaker 1 Of college? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 My friend Randy signed me up. So we were at a place called Thomas Payne Coffee Shop in San Diego.

Speaker 1 And I met this guy named Randy at improv class, this old Jewish guy. He had like glasses.
He goes, well,

Speaker 1 I'm doing stand-up now. So, you know, improv's not my thing anymore.
So let me go check you out. So he went to a coffee shop.
He goes up, and I was so impressed that he went up there. He bombed.

Speaker 1 But just the act of, he's a guy I met in class. He's now really doing it.
Yeah. He decided to sign his name up and go in front of strangers.

Speaker 1 What was it, like a bookstore? It's a coffee shop. Okay, Thomas Kayne Coffee Shop.
Thomas Payne Coffee Shop. And he gets off, and as I'm saying,

Speaker 1 he did it, man.

Speaker 1 Wow. That impressed you.
Oh, impressed me.

Speaker 1 How are you feeling, man? Adrenaline.

Speaker 1 While I'm doing that, I hear Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 He signed me up. Oh, no.
And I go,

Speaker 1 and he goes, you got to do it.

Speaker 1 And I went up there, and I remember the bit I did. What'd you do?

Speaker 1 I did a bit about LSD. Wait, go ahead, do it, do it.
It's not good. Just do it.
I have to stand up and do it. Okay, do it.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
Do it. Do it.
Yeah. Okay.
LSD is a crazy drug, man.

Speaker 1 You take it, man. It doesn't hit you until like 45 minutes later.
Like, when you take it at first, you're like, I don't feel anything. I don't feel anything.

Speaker 1 Right? Until I do this. So I do this.

Speaker 1 Right. Oh, you did that? Yeah, I do this.
A cartoon I think. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right? And it's one of those ones where you think you're doing one thing, but you're really doing something else. Oh, no.
You think you're walking down the street like this. And then you do the walk.

Speaker 1 Right. I go,

Speaker 1 no one notices.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm good. No one, right? But you're really walking down the street like this.

Speaker 1 I do a crazy, you know what I mean? Act out. No one notices.
Are you feeling cringe right now? No one notices.

Speaker 1 But it's still got to laugh. So you did well.
Well, you're making fun of me now. No, no, no.
You didn't bomb, though.

Speaker 1 It's not about bombing or killing. It's about going up.

Speaker 1 That's the problem. What people don't realize is it's not about doing well or doing bad.
God

Speaker 1 and the universe.

Speaker 1 What? No, I love this. What you're doing.
You're clearing out the. No, no, no.
I love what you're about to do.

Speaker 1 Everyone listening to me right now, and this is a truth. Okay.

Speaker 1 God doesn't care if you win or lose, he just cares if you try,

Speaker 1 right? Is that what he said? What?

Speaker 1 Where did you find that quote? No, there's no quote. It's just

Speaker 1 doing that right now. Speaking for God.
Yeah, that's yeah.

Speaker 1 I shouldn't speak for God. You're right.
No, I don't speak for God. It's God.

Speaker 1 So what I'm saying, though, is I think.

Speaker 1 Yes, there is

Speaker 1 God. My belief is this, right?

Speaker 1 Right? That you get rewarded for trying.

Speaker 1 Right? It's in the trying because when you try, even if you fail,

Speaker 1 especially doing stand-up. Oh, it's painful.
It's not painful for me. It isn't.
It's painful at first, but but. Oh, it's a bomb? But

Speaker 1 the overriding feeling when you bomb,

Speaker 1 the overriding feeling when you're bomb is bad, but there's an underlining feeling of pride. What do you mean by that? For just doing it.
Yeah. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can be bombed that you bomb, but there's still an underlying feeling that you fucking did it. Yep.
Really? And that you're a man. That you walk through.

Speaker 1 And you're brave and you walk through the fucking fire. I hate anyone that doesn't walk through fire.

Speaker 1 But you guys haven't bombed in a long time. I bomb all the time.
No, I don't believe you. I bomb all the time.
No. Yeah, I do.
No, you don't. I bomb all the time.
No, you don't. No, no,

Speaker 1 absolutely not. George, have you seen me bomb? George? George?

Speaker 1 Absolutely not. Even when Bob thinks he bombs, he does better than most people, but I've seen him bomb for him.
I rest my case. That's fair.
I rest my case. That's fair.
My case.

Speaker 1 I rest my case. No, your idea of bombing is like...

Speaker 1 I really bombed. I really bombed at the lab.
I really bombed. It was like a bad dream bomb.
Oh, you talked to me right after that. Yeah.
Yeah. Did you see it? I didn't see it.

Speaker 1 We talked about it like right after that. Did anybody ever say to you,

Speaker 1 did you see Bobby's brother? He's terrible.

Speaker 1 Chappelle, look at me. Chappelle.
No one's never seen that.

Speaker 1 The fact that he put that energy. No, no, no, Chappelle.
You can tell me.

Speaker 1 I told you why I throw the energy because I know how he thinks. Yeah.
Right. And everything that he's thinking right now and saying is based on his own mind and

Speaker 1 how he funneled the experience in his own mind. But it's not necessarily the truth.
And I know this is because him and I do the same thing.

Speaker 1 And that's why we get in trouble a lot when we tell stories because they're not really true.

Speaker 1 Right? They're just how we interpret it. Interpret it and also

Speaker 1 we

Speaker 1 We're not willing to tell it unless it's good. So how do you make a story good? You lie.
No, no, no, no. I didn't lie about that.
You exaggerate and you lie all the time. That's you.

Speaker 1 You're deflecting. That's you do that.
I admit it. Can you admit it? Do I do that too? Can you admit it? Do I do that too? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I told you earlier, I was like, you're the most honest man that I think.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 I don't do that. I don't do that.
As much as you think. All right, so you.

Speaker 1 Let's go back to to the story.

Speaker 1 Let's go back to the story. So you think.
I did horribly. For you.

Speaker 1 Dude. But no one in the audience

Speaker 1 remembers? Not only remember.

Speaker 1 Cares. They don't care.

Speaker 1 You're right. You're absolutely right.
Nobody cares. No one cares.
You know what? Now I think about it. They probably didn't already remember.
They never even thought about it.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you spend days and weeks punishing yourself

Speaker 1 for something that never happened. I'm still thinking about it.
But it's insanity. You're still thinking about it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I haven't gone up since. How long ago?

Speaker 1 Or weeks ago. A month.
Like a month. I haven't gone up in a month.
Yeah. But I'm doing guest spots with you.
I'm doing guest spots soon, so I'm going to go back up. Okay.

Speaker 1 Because if you don't. No, no, no, no.
I am. But this is the thing.

Speaker 1 Let me finish.

Speaker 1 Because if you don't.

Speaker 1 Look at me right now. Because if you don't.
Look at me right now. Look at him.
You're a fucking coward. Oh, I know.
I'm not. I don't want to be no.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 1 That stern face right there.

Speaker 1 That's what got me. You know, this is the reason why.

Speaker 1 And this is the reason why, because I realize I can't let them win. I need to, you know what I'm saying? Like, even though, because they

Speaker 1 that night, they were critiquing the whole thing, but that didn't.

Speaker 1 You see, you see what I've dealt with all these years, man? When I try to really communicate with this guy, he tunes out. But this is really vital.

Speaker 1 This is a vital thing about

Speaker 1 getting through certain areas.

Speaker 1 I don't know where you're at. What are you talking about? You're at the lab.
You're not even in the main room.

Speaker 1 The lab is the lobby.

Speaker 1 The lab is just a couple of chairs and people waiting to go somewhere. So anyway,

Speaker 1 okay, thanks for tuning in.

Speaker 1 No, wait. Well,

Speaker 1 have you gone up in the lab? Yeah. Have you gone up in the lab? But that's why they call it the lab.
Yeah. In labs, they experiment and they fail.
Oh, and then that's

Speaker 1 about bombing. This episode of Bad Friends.
Yeah, because this wraps it up because it's in the title. Lab means you bomb.
What, the laboratory? Yeah. So it's an experience.

Speaker 1 That was the whole point of it. It's to bomb.

Speaker 1 Right? So you're bummed about doing the job that you were supposed to do.

Speaker 1 No one even knows it.

Speaker 1 You're right.

Speaker 1 I didn't even notice the

Speaker 1 million times. Oh, you've seen it go? Yeah, okay.
Hey, do you guys, there was a mini earthquake on the southeast in the Tonga Islands. No, no.

Speaker 1 There was actually a little mini earthquake in the southeast portion of Mars recently. Uh-oh.
But do you care?

Speaker 1 I don't like what you're doing right now. Do you care? No.
You know what?

Speaker 1 Pretty far away. Don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 Don't throw anything at me, dude. All right.
So what I'm saying to you is that you take things personally. You're right.
You're absolutely right.

Speaker 1 All your fears and all the things that happened to you is in your mind. Chappelle, is he right? And I just want you to grow.
Bombing in the lab. Like, wow.
Is he right, Chappelle? Look at me.

Speaker 1 It's like this. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 this is my brother.

Speaker 1 Why are you crying, Steve?

Speaker 1 I had a devastating set in the belly room.

Speaker 1 In the belly room. Oh.

Speaker 1 Was Allison Jones there? No.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna go. I'm gonna do it.
Okay. Be a man.

Speaker 1 Be a leader, be a man. Not only that.
I'm riding some new shit. Be a fucking warrior.
I'm riding some new shit. You're right.
Yeah. There you go.
Cowboy or Bebop, right?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So, why don't you recap what we talked about since the beginning? Because I feel like you were asleep the whole time. Kind of.
Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 I remember that you have the smallest dick in the room.

Speaker 1 That was one, two, and a three.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and then to be cool, you have to know a lot of different musics, like what he knows.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Name one pavement album.

Speaker 2 The red one.

Speaker 1 That was good. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 When you both were younger, Steve was cooler than you, even though you're the oldest.

Speaker 2 Keep going, I love what you're doing. And even now,

Speaker 2 I think Steve has a cooler look than you, Tito Bobby.

Speaker 2 I love it.

Speaker 1 Keep going, yeah. Good.
You're killing it. Go good.
You're killing it. Good.

Speaker 1 Stevie, that's you, dog. That's you, dog.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 You're killing it.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 What a fun episode, huh? Did you guys have fun? That was fun. But I'm not sure.
Anyway, so, guys, at the same time, we're going to say thank you for being a bad friend, right? Three, two, one.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 I made a, I was a fool. to Ralph yes

Speaker 1 to Ralph Macchio

Speaker 1 to Ralph Macchio.

Speaker 1 No, no, this is Jules' time.

Speaker 1 Julie's story. I'll just do this story.

Speaker 1 So, you know, there was a movie called The Karate Kid.

Speaker 1 Popular movie.

Speaker 1 Mr. Miyagi's in it, but the star of it was a guy named Ralph Macchio.
And if you watch the new Cobra Kai, he's in it.

Speaker 1 Nicest kid. So there was a time, Jules, where I was a star.
And when I was a star, they used to have me host variety shows. And

Speaker 1 I hosted a show called The Asian Excellence Awards, hosted by Bobby Lee, right? And I go up and I do a monologue. It was at the Wilturn.

Speaker 1 Quinton Tarantino was there, right? Danny DeVito. Remember, you sat in Danny DeVito's seat? I took Danny DeVito's seat.
I sat in Danny DeVito's seat. It says Danny DeVito on the seat.

Speaker 1 Danny DeVito's standing. My brother's sitting on the seat.

Speaker 1 And I said, this is my seat, bro.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I was a fool.
He was drunk. That's why he's sober.
Oh, so there was one point where I was sitting there and I'm like, where's my brother? Oh, he's gone. Thank God.

Speaker 1 So I'm standing with Ralph Macchio. He's sitting on the chair.
I think Tarantino's there, too. Yeah.
My brother's full-blown blackout drunk. So I'm talking to Ralph Macchio.
And so I'm here.

Speaker 1 Ralph Macchio is right there. We're sitting on couches.
Okay. This is my brother.

Speaker 1 I swear to God.

Speaker 1 Ralph Macchio. Krotty Kid.

Speaker 1 No, I said...

Speaker 1 No, I said... No, no, I said.
No, he didn't. No, no, I said...

Speaker 1 This is what I did.

Speaker 1 No, I went, Karate Kid did.

Speaker 1 Karate Kid did. One of my favorites.
Something stupid. But not once.
I kept balling. All night long.

Speaker 1 You did it all night long? Kratti kid, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, I think he did it. I thought what Buddy went like this.
Oh,

Speaker 1 you hit him with the fucking... I didn't do that.
You hit him with... No, I didn't do that.

Speaker 1 See, this is where... I'm hit with the fucking.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 This is where exaggeration. This is how I exaggerate.

Speaker 1 I never did the crane. Are you going to do it? George, I didn't do the crank.

Speaker 1 I never did the crank.

Speaker 1 I never did the crane. It would have been funny if you kicked him in the face with the crane.
That would have been funny. You never did it.
And Ralph goes, that was good.

Speaker 1 And now

Speaker 1 it's Jules's time. Yeah, that is the Jules.