Alfalfa Sprout & Toco Choco

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Speaker 2 It's our 100th episode.

Speaker 2 We're in our new studio. We've been doing this now for 100 episodes.
And thank you for coming along for the ride. Say thank you, Rudy.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 And we don't ask a lot from you. No.
In fact, we don't ask anything. Yeah, never.
And we're asking one thing. We're asking for you guys to take us over the $500,000.

Speaker 2 We want to get to a half a million subscribers on YouTube. Take us over the 500,000.
And God, you know what? You know a lot of these religious programs? Yeah.

Speaker 2 They offer like, you know, if you send us this, this will happen. This will happen to you.
Yeah. We believe that God will give you something.
If you subscribe.

Speaker 2 We believe that God will give you something. We don't know what it is, but we're not making any problems.
If you subscribe and get us over the half a million.

Speaker 2 And also, you have to hit the notification bell so you know that we post. We post every single Monday.

Speaker 2 And Monday. And Monday.
Yeah, yeah. I was just going to say this.
Every Monday. Jesus and Buddha.
Right? Gandhi? And Gandhi. They all love it.
Everybody loves this. They love this program.

Speaker 2 So please subscribe. We want to get to a half a million.
And thank you for watching the episode. It means a lot to us.
We love you. Bye.
Bye. Hey, everyone, come see me.

Speaker 2 I've got just a couple of tour dates left. I'm in Chicago Theater February 5th.
And then, and then I go to

Speaker 2 Seattle and Portland and Albany and Foxwoods and Vegas and Green Bay. I've never seen your act before, but when I saw you in San Diego, you were the greatest comic I've ever seen.
Shut up.

Speaker 2 And even if I'm not there in spirit, I'm there in spirit.

Speaker 3 You're there in spirit.

Speaker 2 And I'm always there. Yeah, you're you're always there.
So come. Yeah.
So come see me. Go to andrewsantino.com, andrewsantino.com.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 Probably you two or something. We're bad friends.
Little Blackie got COVID. Honestly, out of all the people to get COVID, he was the most worrisome.
Why is that?

Speaker 2 He just looks like COVID, kind of to me. He has a little COVID-esque.
Yeah, he's got a vibe.

Speaker 2 No, he looks like

Speaker 2 he just looks like he's already defeated. Yeah.
Well, he does have COVID. He does have death.
Like, if he saw COVID in a ring,

Speaker 2 you and I would be like, oh, yeah, he's lost. He's got it.
Yeah, it's over. We're on this corner.
We just pack it up. Throw it in the towel.
Throw it in. Yeah, it would pack it up.

Speaker 2 But he's alive. He's alive.
He's still alive.

Speaker 2 How long has Doc? Doc has COVID, ladies and gentlemen. How long has Doc had COVID now? For three days? Four days? For a couple weeks.
Are you serious? Yeah. For a couple weeks.

Speaker 2 Because I've been checking on him for a couple weeks. Wow, I didn't know.
Are you alive? Yeah, Doug. Thanks for checking up, bun.
Oh, yeah, man. I'm fine.
COVID ain't gonna take me down.

Speaker 2 But can I just say this before we start? We almost didn't make it because we almost died on the way over here. That's not even a joke.
I don't know why you're laughing.

Speaker 2 It's not even a joke. I don't know why you're laughing.
It's really sincere. In the new studio, do I need to tell you to put the mic closer to your face? It's insane.
It's insane. It's insane.

Speaker 2 How is it still?

Speaker 2 So, just real quick, you know, when I came over here, I stopped by the little 7-Eleven because I love refreshments. Sure.
And I have money.

Speaker 2 You have money. Yes,

Speaker 2 I like to buy things. You do like to buy things.
Yeah, so we're there. And I go, Jules, do you want to go in? And she goes, no, I went in there and I went and bought

Speaker 2 Pedialite. Peter Light.
Okay. I come back out.
It's Gatorade, Pedial Light. Beautiful.
I come back out and the car door is open on her side. She's dead.
No. No?

Speaker 2 I walk in. She doesn't say anything, right? Now, I don't know why the car door is open, but when I walk in the house, in the car, imagine this, all right, smelling.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's suppose an egg,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 Ate an egg. Got it.
Shit up an egg. Got it.
Right. And then just left it on, like, you know, rotten egg on some concrete in the summer, Boston.
Like under the sun? Under the sun, Boston, right?

Speaker 2 And then a cockroach, a family.

Speaker 2 An entire family of cockroachias? They start, they go, it's a swimming pool. Yay! One of them's like, no, it's not.

Speaker 2 But is it? No. It's not.
But they win that. They all died.
Rackets formed.

Speaker 2 Anyway, she did a fart.

Speaker 2 She did a fart, dude, that I literally went, should we go to the hospital?

Speaker 2 What died inside of you?

Speaker 4 I don't know. I haven't pooped in four days.

Speaker 2 Why haven't you pooped in four days, bud?

Speaker 4 I can't.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 4 Nothing's going out.

Speaker 2 Do you sit on the toilet for a long enough time?

Speaker 4 No, because they said you get hemorrhoids.

Speaker 2 No. Okay.

Speaker 2 First of all, who says they?

Speaker 4 Atikalaila.

Speaker 2 Has she had hemorrhoids?

Speaker 4 No, but.

Speaker 2 She's a know-it-all. She's a-first of all.
She's a know-it-all. My fucking girlfriend is a fucking know-it-all.
She thinks she knows about it all. She doesn't know anything.
She doesn't know anything.

Speaker 2 She knows a lot. She knows a lot of medical stuff, but you know what? She's not here, so I'm going to say it.
She's a know-it-all. Damn.

Speaker 2 You know what, dude? Are you eating enough fiber?

Speaker 2 No, I don't. Bring up a list of things that have high fiber in them.
High fiber. And then we can see.

Speaker 2 By the way, Bobby, do you like our new TV? Because it's fucking huge for you. It's a 65-inch.
I understand this, but the thing is that the screen is still too long for my eyes.

Speaker 2 What are you talking about? It's the biggest TV. The screen needs to be here.
It's the biggest TV. It's not here, though.

Speaker 2 Imagine if it was right in front of me. Then I could.
Do you want us to get a drop-down TV right in front of your face? Yeah. Okay, we'll get one.
Yeah, yeah. But I want it so I can press a button.

Speaker 2 Like, how about like in the voice? Woo!

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, we'll do that.

Speaker 2 I also want a light that comes, like, a light that does something. All right, so, Bobby, read the list of her, uh, to her of the things that have high fiber.
Okay,

Speaker 2 honestly, from here, I'm going to show you what that says to me.

Speaker 2 No, just go back a little bit to show you what it was. That says Sarar's Grom.

Speaker 2 That says Shaman Shanko 5 Gro.

Speaker 2 That one says August 6th.

Speaker 2 The other one says Apatow.

Speaker 2 Appeto. Judge Appetow.
That's Judd Apatow. He has high fiber.
Yeah, yeah. No, it says apples.
So I've never seen her eat an apple. I've never seen her eat raspberries.

Speaker 2 I've never seen her eat an avocado. Bananas? Bananas.

Speaker 2 A lot. You eat a lot of bananas.
High in fiber. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Carrots, I've never seen her eat. Beets, I've never seen her eat.
Right. Broccoli, none of that.
Artichoke, Brussels sprouts. None of this stuff you've ever eaten.
Lentils?

Speaker 2 Do you know what lentils are?

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 2 Take a guess.

Speaker 4 Small beans.

Speaker 2 Got it.

Speaker 2 Kidney beans. Split peas, chickpeas.
Okay, so all of these things that have high fiber, you eat none of them. Okay, this is why you can't poop them.

Speaker 5 Bananas.

Speaker 2 Okay, I know, but how many bananas? Once every other day or three days?

Speaker 2 You got to eat more fiber every day. You know what? Can we get, can you guys, let's have George reach out to

Speaker 2 what's the thing that old people have and they stir in their at night before they go to bed?

Speaker 2 Menamucil. Menamucil.
So reach out to. I was going to say cyanide.
Cyanide.

Speaker 2 So they don't wake up. Cyanide.
Let's get some of this for her. Can we get some Metamucil to see if we can get her to shit? And can we have a shit tracker for her?

Speaker 2 Just to find out we need to shit. Well, you know, I shit.
So two weeks ago, I had an emergency. I shit in the parking lot of the Grove.

Speaker 2 You shit in one of the nicest outdoor malls? Yeah, yeah. So my brother,

Speaker 2 and my brother almost, my brother almost goes,

Speaker 2 I don't think you're my brother anymore, man.

Speaker 2 Like, it was that humiliating to him because it wasn't like at night. It was like, it was like seven.
In the middle of the day? It was like seven. But what do you do? Did you pull your pants?

Speaker 2 No, so we went to go see the movie Licorice Pizza. How was it? Loved it.
And it's, what's his name in the movie, right?

Speaker 2 Paul Peter. Yeah, PT.

Speaker 2 Also, you're watching Magnolia tonight.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.
Oh, my gosh. What?

Speaker 2 She's a disgusting.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 remind me.

Speaker 2 She said something even crazier. Yeah.
Remind me later. Can't.
I'm not even done with this. Okay.

Speaker 2 So we went, so I go and I go, I got to go to my car because I forgot my cigarettes or something. And as I went toward my car, and I, now, I, the movie theater is there, right?

Speaker 2 I parked where the fucking farmer's market is. Okay.
So it's far. It's far.
It's a walk. It's pretty far.
It's a walk. So as I'm walking, I fart a little bit and a little poo comes out.
Normal.

Speaker 2 It's not normal.

Speaker 2 Everyone here has farted and a little poo's come up. Normal.
No. That's never happened.
In Japan, once, in Japan. Thank you.
But it's Japan. All right, that's true.
It was in Japan.

Speaker 2 That's a Japanese thing. Yeah, it's a Japanese thing.
It's a Japanese thing to do.

Speaker 2 Just a little bit came out. I'm going to say something too, and I want to apologize to Brad Williams.
Why?

Speaker 2 You didn't do that to him. He was born in the middle.
No, no, no, no, no. I have to apologize to Brad Williams right now because I've been thinking about apologizing to him.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 forget the Grove story. There's another Pooh story that he's involved with that happened as well.
You shit on Brad Williams. No, it's close.
He is perfect, Pooh Hawaii. It is perfect.

Speaker 2 But it's even worse. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
So I was at the improv, okay?

Speaker 2 And I was about to go up, and this kid went up before me, and he fucking, I'd never seen him before, this kid. And you're going to know his kid.
Do you know his name?

Speaker 2 I do, but are you going to be able to guess that? He's a new kid. He killed improv, packed room, white kid, killed it.
What? And I shit my pants. He was so good.
And I had to follow him.

Speaker 2 Do you have shit in your pants when you went on stage? No, up in the green room, upstairs. So he was down there.
I was looking down. His name is Trevor Wallace.
Oh, yeah. I know who that is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
He's so good. He crushed.
He crushed it. And what did you do? I started shaking.
Nervous. Right.
I shit my pants. pants.
And then the host goes up, right? And I pull my sweats down.

Speaker 2 I pull my underwear down.

Speaker 2 I pull my underwear, put it in a fucking ball. I throw it in the corner of the green room.
I pull my sweats back on. I barely make it on stage, bro.
There's a poop.

Speaker 2 So there's poop underwear upstairs in the green room. Right.
In a ball. Now, can I tell you this too? Go looking for it, guys.
Poop scavenger hunt underwear on now.

Speaker 2 But also, years ago, I got banned from a club because I left Pooh in the fucking green room. Seems pretty reasonable.
Right. So now I'm paranoid.
I get off stage.

Speaker 2 I go straight to the comedy store because I'm you don't bother to go clean up your poo underwear. I don't remember it.
Really? No, because I remember my spot. I'm late for my spot.
All right.

Speaker 2 All right. I feel like I remember.

Speaker 2 Can I just say this right now? Happy New Year to you. Happy New Year to you.
And I feel like you're being judgmental. So I want to

Speaker 2 rewind it a little bit and go, and I don't want any judgment from you. Can I tell you something? I'm glad you're not.
You're one of my best friends. You're one of my best friends.

Speaker 2 I want to say that right now out loud. You're one of my best friends, and I love you.
I love you. No, I'm not even done, dude.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I love you so fucking much, man.

Speaker 2 You're like a brother to me, man. I love you.
So, anyway,

Speaker 2 yeah, it was great. I thought we were going to get somewhere else with it, but I'll take what I can get out of it.
Yeah. But I really meant that.
I meant it too. I love you to death.
You so much.

Speaker 2 Look me in the face right now.

Speaker 2 Say, I can't live without you. One, two, three.

Speaker 2 I can't live without you. Thank you.
So anyway. Two underwear is up at the improv.
Right. And here you are, you're racing the store because you got a 945 spot.
So now check this out.

Speaker 2 My story right now is like Magnolia. It's all over the place.
But it's going to make sense. Okay.

Speaker 2 So, Andreas,

Speaker 2 years ago.

Speaker 2 So years ago, I had another poo incident at Brad Williams

Speaker 2 where I left a poo. I had a poo thing, right? Mm-hmm.
Where I left a poo somewhere and I hunted him down for his advice what to do. Because, you know Schmidget's always.

Speaker 2 That's why I want to apologize. And then this time around, right, I was at the comedy store.
I was freaking out. I hunted down Brad.
Well, where's Brad?

Speaker 2 And everyone's like, oh, Brad went around there. I went to find Brad to help me figure out how to figure out this poo situation.

Speaker 2 But in my head, I'm like, do I think that little people have better knowledge of poo or something? I feel like little people do probably poop themselves more than we think. That's why.

Speaker 2 I think they just.

Speaker 2 You know why?

Speaker 2 Don't say that. That's straight crazy.
Well, their organs are smaller.

Speaker 2 It processes so fast. It's got to get out of there faster.

Speaker 2 I never thought of it medically. Let me call Brad and see if he's got some any.

Speaker 2 Let's see if Brad thinks. Because people could be saying, oh, you're being heidist right now.
You're being. Let me be heidist.
No, I came here to apologize, bro.

Speaker 2 I know, but maybe your assumption was true that maybe LPs do know more about shitting their pants than normal people. Okay.
Or I'm a regular heighted human.

Speaker 2 I don't know what's the terminology for that. But we'll see if perhaps Brad.

Speaker 2 What's up, buddy? Hey, buddy, you're on the podcast with me and Boob.

Speaker 2 We got a question for you. All right, fire away.
Bobby shit his pants. He feel, and he did it twice, and he feels like he has to always seek your help when he shits his pants.

Speaker 2 Hey, Bobby, I kept your secret. I didn't tell anybody.

Speaker 2 What a good friend.

Speaker 2 That's another number one. That's why I go to little people.
Well, you remember. They love keeping secrets.
They love it.

Speaker 2 They're so good at it. Well, they can hide them in those trees.
Also, they never told anyone where the wizard was. Right.
Never once. Not once did they tell you where the wizard was, bro.
Brad.

Speaker 2 They're good at secrets. Why are you telling Andrew there's a wizard? I told you that in class.

Speaker 2 Never. See, you broke it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Also, have you been to the chocolate factory? They don't give cop stoppers for free. No, you have to work with the business.
You go to the little people, right? They're good at like...

Speaker 2 They're good at like

Speaker 2 being loyal to their company. Correct.
Right? And they're good about their word. Correct.
They're very. Have you watched Peter Dinklage in his movies? Yeah.
He's always playing a businessman. He is.

Speaker 2 He's got something important to do. Always.
Yeah, yeah. And he always keeps secrets.
Brad? He's a good guy. Brad, first of all, we both love you very much.
Bobby wanted to apologize for you.

Speaker 2 I apologize. Every time there's a poo thing, I always come to you and I want to do, you know, next time I'm going to go to Chelsea Handler or somebody else.
Let me say this, though. Okay.

Speaker 2 Brad, accept his apology anyway.

Speaker 2 But also, do you think that his intuition, his instinct, might be keen on the idea that perhaps LPs are a little bit bit more knowledgeable what to do in those situations than anybody else.

Speaker 2 Well, first of all, Bobby, I'm going to accept your apology. And you could always come to me with any poo news.
See?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 don't worry. We're friends.
I'm going to keep that just between you and me. This is a popular popcat.

Speaker 2 Everybody knows. Everyone knows.
Everybody knows.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 now everybody knows. But yes, you are correct.
And

Speaker 2 I think he just looks at me because dwarves typically have larger asses. So maybe he's like, brownie.
See?

Speaker 2 He's blowing my fucking mind right now. Pooh.

Speaker 2 You have the biggest ass. You realize how big his ass is.
There's got to be a lot of shit coming out of there.

Speaker 2 But here's the thing. The shit doesn't come through the cheeks.
With them, it does. No, it doesn't.
That's the difference. It's not like the cheeks are full of shit, dude.

Speaker 2 No, the cheeks are full of shit.

Speaker 2 What else is in the cheeks? That's true. I never thought about it that way.
It's poo. It's poo.
Poo. Being dragged down.
Because of the gravity.

Speaker 2 And also, Brad, and Rudy over here, you know, Rudy Jules. Rudy hasn't shit in four days.
In four days. Any advice?

Speaker 2 Get your affairs in order because you're probably going to die. Probably going to die for a while.
You're going to die. So I'll get your affairs in order.
Brad, I love you.

Speaker 2 We love you very much, Brad. We love you, bud.

Speaker 2 I apologize. Happy New Year, buddy.
Happy New Year. Bye.
Bye.

Speaker 2 The best. So,

Speaker 2 you want to share. You're going to die.
Yeah, Jules, you want to share.

Speaker 4 I don't want to die just because I didn't poop in four days.

Speaker 2 But you've got to poop. It's waste leaving the body.
Otherwise, you're storing waste. You know, Elvis? He died with a bunch of poop in his body.
A lot of poop.

Speaker 2 How many pounds of poop did Elvis have in his body? So you're going to be Elvis. And you know where he died, too? On a toilet.
Toilet.

Speaker 2 With a peanut butter and jelly fried banana sandwich. Yeah.
That's real. Yeah.
Look at this. You know

Speaker 2 what that sandwich was? Read that. In between his breast.

Speaker 2 Read that out loud, Bobby. The coroner found.
You got to bake it bigger for him. No, Bob.
No, no. Sit down.
They're going to make it big.

Speaker 2 The coroner found over 35 pounds of white, chalky fecal matter in Elvis's colon. 35 pounds of poop inside of Elvis.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
That's the king, baby. That's the king, baby.

Speaker 2 And you're the queen, and you probably have more poop inside of you. I'm going to win this race.
Imagine if, how much do you weigh?

Speaker 4 115.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine if like 70 pounds of it was just poop? If she was really. She just disappear.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What if that she's already in the middle? Oh, you need the poop inside of you to stay alive. She exists.
That's true.

Speaker 2 She needs matter. You need to.

Speaker 2 You have to have matter, baby. Otherwise, there's nothing there.

Speaker 2 So I want you to tell the boys, because we care about you. You're like our daughter.
Tell the fam. Tell the family what you said in the car because it was before the fart.

Speaker 2 I thought the fart was immediate, but the second thing was a little scary. So go ahead.

Speaker 4 I want to have more body count to be cool.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 And you know what's so funny? Watch it. This is the best part about this right now.
Fancy has no idea what body count means. What does body count mean? Do you know what it means, fans? I have no idea.

Speaker 2 That's true. Take a guess at what she means by that.

Speaker 2 I guess you'll have to count something with your body.

Speaker 2 Yes, fancy. Thank you very much.
I'm glad he made it.

Speaker 2 You know, through the transition.

Speaker 2 I thought he would leave that shit at the show studio. Was the show going well? It was killing.
And then

Speaker 2 roadblock.

Speaker 2 Body count is how many people you've had sex with. So Rudy is talking about getting her body count up because she wants to sleep around.
She wants to be cool.

Speaker 2 Is that what you think is going to make people cool? Yeah, T2 Bobby says that he has over 60. 60.
what did he say he has

Speaker 4 he has over 60 his body counts over 60 and he said i'm 50 years old and he said that's cool and i said i want to have 60 and he said that's not cool

Speaker 2 rudy it's he's old and he's come from a different time different era a different era and also his body 60s were amazing that was amazing it's a free free free love free love dude i think this year is free love oh no no

Speaker 2 no no no no no no So you just want to do it just to be cool. So she was like basically saying.
That's not going to make you cool. It's not.

Speaker 4 Tito Bobby is always saying I'm uncool because I don't know any music that's cool.

Speaker 2 Now, what does it have to do with catching up? I don't know how to style it.

Speaker 2 Just because you don't know music doesn't mean that doesn't mean you should. Just because you go fuck a bunch of people doesn't mean you're going to be cool.

Speaker 4 That's what Tito Bobby said.

Speaker 6 Why?

Speaker 2 Because I told you to listen to One Beatles album. What the fuck is the problem?

Speaker 2 Who's the most uncool person in the studio on our team?

Speaker 2 Who is it?

Speaker 2 Who is it?

Speaker 2 Can I say Pete? You can. And by the way,

Speaker 2 no, Pete died. He died.
You know why? Body count too high.

Speaker 2 Too much.

Speaker 2 He had too much and he got the H.I.

Speaker 2 and Jenkins. He left something for you guys before he died.
He left the skip before he died? Yeah. What did he leave us? We'll do it at the end.
Okay. Okay.
I'm going to say this.

Speaker 2 There's so many diseases, too. There's new diseases.
There's diseases

Speaker 2 that weren't around

Speaker 2 when we were sleeping around. There's diseases now.
Alfalfa sprout? Alfalfa sprout. Have you heard of alfalfa sprout? Oh my god, it's a spring.
Oh my god, so what happens?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what happens, okay? And it happens to young males between 18 and also West Coast guys. It has to do with the humidity or, I don't know, the dryness combination.
It doesn't

Speaker 2 one or the other. Yeah.
But what it is, is alfalfa sprout is basically he sticks your penis, right, in you, right? And it's, there's fungi. I guess it's the root is fungi.
The basis fungi. The basis.

Speaker 2 Basically, what you'll end up having is have a fungal ecosystem. Correct.
That'll sprout. Yep.
Right. And you'll have like mushrooms.
But you know what? Shiitake?

Speaker 2 Big shiitake mushrooms. We love that.
We'll eat that. We'll eat that.
That's delicious. But like, they'll have little, little, little ones.

Speaker 2 Have you ever walked past a pond, still water? Yeah. And you know, there's like lily pads, but there's also little weird weeds.
Yeah. That can start growing out of your chanch.
Yeah. And it burns.

Speaker 2 It burns. Constantly.

Speaker 2 24-7. Fire.
So is this what you want? That's what you want.

Speaker 2 Give me another disease that came out. Remember the article the other day? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Toco choco. Toco choco.
Toco choco is a disease.

Speaker 5 I don't believe that.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? You could look at it on the bottom. You toco choco.

Speaker 2 Toco choco. Toco choco.
It's a disease. We're not online, right? Oh, we're offline.
We're off tight. We're offline.
We're offline.

Speaker 2 Toco choco. Toco choco.
Tell them about that. Toco choco.
Listen, this is insane. It's disgusting.

Speaker 2 If you've had too many bodies, if your body count is way too high, naturally, right, your choochu starts producing its own cacao to make chocolate. Now, in your mind, you go, what do you mean?

Speaker 2 My puss is making chocolate? That's not delicious. No.
No.

Speaker 2 This is sour,

Speaker 2 disease-ridden. What can I call it?

Speaker 3 Killer chocolate.

Speaker 2 So people go down there. A guy goes down there and goes, ooh, chocolate.

Speaker 2 Dies, toco choco, gone. Right there.
Dogs, forget it. Forget about it.
Yeah, a dog can't go down there now. They'll die immediately.
They don't die. Immediately.
Chocolate, right? They die.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you how that happens, though. You know, inside a female's vagina, and we're talking medical, we're not being grosser, right? There's only a number amount of vaginal juice.
Correct. Right?

Speaker 2 So every time a man, you know, goes inside you, there's only it's like oil.

Speaker 2 You're going to run out of oil. We're like petroleum.
Yeah. Your vagina juice is like petroleum.
There's only a certain amount. That's right.

Speaker 2 So what happens is if your body count goes above, you run out of the

Speaker 2 vaginal juices and you start using

Speaker 2 organic cacao that your body automatically produces. So your dogs, you have four dogs, right? Just by them being around you by proxy,

Speaker 2 they could die. Correct.
So you want to kill your dogs because you want a fucking body count? No. What's that disease called again? Toco choco.
Toco choco, baby.

Speaker 2 Chime. You know, when I was younger,

Speaker 2 I was terrible at banking. I was abused.
So bad.

Speaker 2 Overdraft charges. Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money.
I didn't know how to manage it. And also, no one was there to help.
But Chime understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 2 That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features like overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and much more, which definitely would have helped me when I was doing my PA jobs back in the day.

Speaker 2 Also, with qualifying direct deposits, you are eligible for free overdraft up to $200 or debit card purchases and cash withdrawal. You can learn more about it at chime.com/slash bad friend.

Speaker 2 To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion, right? You need a little bit of help. You need a little money quicker than normal because something pops up.
It always does.

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Speaker 2 All those ATMs are there for you to use and don't get clipped. You got to try Chime.
Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open an account in two minutes at chime.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 That's chime.com slash bad friends. Chime.
Feel like progress.

Speaker 6 Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bank Corporation Bank NA or Stride Bank NA.
Members of FDIC.

Speaker 6 Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file.
Fees apply at out of network ATMs, bank ranking, and and number of ATMs, according to U.S.

Speaker 6 News and World Report 2023. Chime checking account required.

Speaker 2 Hydro. I got it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

Speaker 2 What is it? Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

Speaker 2 How ultimate is it? You may ask. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, and core, twice as efficient as cycling or running.
Just 20 minutes. All it takes to feel the results.
And this is true.

Speaker 2 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers.
The old ways are gone.

Speaker 2 Hydro's newest rower, the Hydro Arc, delivers such powerful results. GQ magazine named it the best rower of 2025, and I agree.
You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today. We should get you one.

Speaker 2 Head over to hydro.com and use code Bad Friends to save up to $600 off on a hydro rower during this holiday season. That's hydro, H-Y-D-R-O-W dot com.

Speaker 2 Code, of course, is Bad Friends to save up to $600.

Speaker 2 Hydro.com, code is Bad Friends.

Speaker 2 Headspace. Hey, Andrew.
Yeah. You ever feel like your mind doesn't have an off switch? Yeah, often.
Or that tension is constantly traveling through your body. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or do you feel tired no matter how much you sleep, buddy? Yes. Andrew, that's just a few of the many ways stress, anxiety, and sleeplessness can harm your mind and your body.
I know.

Speaker 2 And this year, why not make small changes to your daily routine that have a big influence on your mental health and well-being? We've genuinely talked about mental health on this show. Yep.

Speaker 2 Very honestly, we do think everyone should take care of their mental health, and you can start the new new year by trying Headspace.

Speaker 2 We love a Headspace because it's a friendly reminder that anything that costs you your mental health is too expensive and Headspace is affordable. That's right.
And that's the most key here.

Speaker 2 We all say fine when we don't really mean it. People say, how are you doing? You say fine.
Fine really isn't an emotion, is it?

Speaker 2 So how many times have you told yourself, I'm fine, we're fine, it's fine, when you really felt his anger or sadness or nerves.

Speaker 2 And Headspace is scientifically proven to help you manage your feelings and your mental health. Yeah, how are you feeling today, Andrew? I'm doing.
I mean, mean, really, how do you feel?

Speaker 2 Well, do you want me to tell you? No, okay. Because I want to go through this copy.
All right, smart.

Speaker 2 So, go on. Have a thing.
Think about it. If you're feeling hyper or tired or annoyed or just meh, it's time to connect with your feelings by starting your own mental health journey with Headspace.

Speaker 2 In fact, a recent study proved in just two weeks, Headspace can reduce your stress by up to 14%.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Hey, so whenever I feel, meh, I do love using Headspace's appreciation course, and you instantly feel happier about what matters in life, which is the relationships that I've cultivated, particularly the Bad Friends family and Bobby Lee specifically.

Speaker 2 Thank you. No, honestly, dude, Headspace is the greatest app.
Trust me. Download it for free.

Speaker 2 Whether you want to release stress, anxiety, or sleep better, or improve your focus, Headspace is your everyday dose of mindfulness for real life.

Speaker 2 Hey, Andrew, however you're feeling, try Headspace at headspace.com/slash bad friends and get one month free of their entire mindfulness library. This is the best Headspace offer available.
So go to

Speaker 2 slash a bad friends. Today, that's headspace.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 Stitch fixed. Let me tell you something, Andrew.

Speaker 2 I'm all about fashion.

Speaker 2 I love shopping. People go say to me all the time online, they go, well, you always buy a lot of clothes, but here's the thing with me.
I know what I like, but I don't like shopping.

Speaker 2 What I would like to do is I like to tell somebody what I like and have them shop for me. It's literally what Stitch Fix is.
And that's why I love Stitch Fix. Incredible.
That's exactly what they do.

Speaker 2 Whether you're looking for a brand you love or to try a new one, Stitch Fixed Freestyle. You can shop over 1,000 brands and styles personalized to your size and fit.

Speaker 2 With styles for workouts to workwear, for lounging around the house, or for a night out on the town. Stitch Fixed Freestyle has closed for any occasion.
Yeah, that's right, man.

Speaker 2 Plus, there's no subscription required. And they offer free shipping, returns, and exchanges.
This is the best. They send you a bag.

Speaker 2 You get a bag full of stuff that they've curated based on your tastes and styles. You go through it.
And if you like it, you keep it.

Speaker 2 And if you don't, you stuff it in the bag and you send it right back. I filled one out three or four months ago.
I got a package.

Speaker 2 I think my form was because I wanted to do a there will be blood kind of a vibe. I've digged that.
I like kind of like, you know, weathered down, like, you know,

Speaker 2 coal mining. Right.
And old. Cold thing, right? Yeah.
And I think I returned out of the whole package, maybe one shirt, but the rest of them I kept. You did? I love it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, get started today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com slash bad friends. That's stitchfix.com slash bad friends.
You want to try stitch fix freestyle.

Speaker 2 Stitchfix.com slash bad friends so look at it like this now after knowing all this insane stuff now do you still want a high body pack

Speaker 2 can i have no 20 no i just don't

Speaker 2 can we pick them yeah we get to pick if we can pick them can we pick the 20 what if you pick ugly it doesn't first of all can i say something about

Speaker 2 i told you this before it's not about looks look at kalila

Speaker 2 Is it about looks for her? Is it about looks? No. Can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a real question? You are handsome, by the way.
God bless you and take care. Can I ask her anywhere?

Speaker 2 Please don't. You're my best friend.
Okay.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Can I ask you a serious question? Is Kalina a beautiful woman? Mm-hmm. When she puts a makeup on, honestly,

Speaker 2 I know you're related to her. She's your aunt.
But try to step away from it.

Speaker 2 Is she beautiful? Just stay. She is.
One of the prettiest, right? Yeah. So pretty.
So you knew her before she met me, right?

Speaker 2 What What would you imagine her dating?

Speaker 4 Oh, I can see it. Tall.

Speaker 2 Tall. Long hair.
Long hair. Yeah.
Muscles. Abs.
Abs.

Speaker 3 Sporty. Sporty.

Speaker 2 Tall. Yeah.
She said tall. I'm saying it again.

Speaker 2 You can see it again.

Speaker 2 Right. Sporty.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then what does she go to?

Speaker 4 Small. Low.

Speaker 2 We say low.

Speaker 2 Low. Low.

Speaker 2 Fat. No.
No. No.

Speaker 2 Chubby. No.
No. Rotund.
Round. Round.
Low, round. Low, round.
Low, round.

Speaker 2 Sweet.

Speaker 4 Korean.

Speaker 2 Korean. Very specific.
That's a nothing.

Speaker 2 That's a nothing thing. He's got hair on his head.
That's a that's a

Speaker 2 no. People like Korean.
All right. Well, not all.
Anyways, my point is that she didn't. She went ugly.
No, she went against the norm. She went against the norm.
Against the norm.

Speaker 2 That's what we want for you. She's healthy.
All right. So that's what we're going to do for you.
Fred Savage? Fred Savage. You know, I know him.
Should I call him? Do you know Fred Savage? Yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 You know Fred Savage? Oddly. He doesn't like me, so let's not call him.
Wait, why? Because one time.

Speaker 2 He directed a TV show I did one time. That's why.
It's probably the same TV show I auditioned for. What?

Speaker 2 He was directing a TV show. I was auditioning for the show.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it was one of those auditions where I don't know what happened. Either he said stop.

Speaker 2 And you kept it. Or I said, I'm done.

Speaker 2 But at one point, we didn't finish it. It was over.
It was bad. Do you know who Fred Savage is?

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 2 So impressive the way she says it. Fred Savage was on a very...
You know, they're remaking that show, by the way, The Wonder Years. They brought it back.
Do you not know this?

Speaker 2 It's an all-black version of Don Cheadles.

Speaker 2 Don Cheadles doing it. That's Fred Savage.
He was on a show called Wonder Years, and it was, I mean,

Speaker 2 it was a massive classic. Back to Fred?

Speaker 2 Okay, back to Fred. So can I tell you a story about Fred that he won't like me to tell? It's not that big of a deal.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 But he was having a tough time directing the show, and we shot it in Vegas. What was the show called? Please Tell Me.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 You didn't audition for this. It was called Sin City Saints.
It was a basketball team in Vegas. Oh, yeah, it's probably not that.

Speaker 2 But, but, Fred, but we, so we had to do a scene on the Ferris wheel in Vegas. Like, you know, that big, huge Ferris wheel? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And we had to get all the crew loaded up onto there, and they can't stop it. They couldn't stop it.
Please don't show. Oh, my God.
That's the fucking show. Look at how terrible that is.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But also, Baron Davis. That's where I met him.
Are you the coach? Yeah, I was the coach. Oh, I have to see the show, man.
It's absolutely.

Speaker 2 You're the coach of a fucking.

Speaker 2 Is that Tom Papa? That's Tom Arnold.

Speaker 2 Well, that's Tom Arnold.

Speaker 2 Tom Arnold. That's Malin Ackerman to my left.
That's Rick Fox to the right. Insane.
Okay. Anyway, look, we had to get on with the Ferris wheel, but they can't stop it.

Speaker 2 They legally were like, we can't stop it. And it goes slow enough.
You just have to get on. So we're like, okay, we all have to get on.
The whole crew had to get on.

Speaker 2 And twice, twice we couldn't get the whole crew on. And Little Fred Savage, boy, oh boy, did he blow up.
Dude, snap. Lost it.
Lost it.

Speaker 2 We get half the crew on, and the camera guys and the sound guys couldn't all get on. And he was like, what's going on?

Speaker 2 Why can't? I mean, dude, freaking the fuck out. Little Fred's having.
And the whole time I'm thinking, oh my God, Wonder Years is freaking out. I couldn't get it out.
I was like,

Speaker 2 Little Wonder Years was freaking out.

Speaker 2 He fucking lost his mind. Meanwhile, I was supposed to have a love scene on there.
Yeah. And he was losing it.
So we got on there. And then as we took the trip, we missed half the guy.

Speaker 2 So we had to just stand there quietly. And it's like 15 minutes to get all the way around.
So you had to just sit there while he was just.

Speaker 2 Have you ever ever been yelled at on a set by another actor?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yes, I have. I have.
Who yelled at you? Jenna Fisher.

Speaker 2 On the ABC show? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What'd you do? Because

Speaker 2 during her reverse one time,

Speaker 2 I was reading an article.

Speaker 2 So, so rude. I know.

Speaker 2 For people that don't know what he's saying, when the shooting over his shoulder onto her face, which he was saying was a reverse, you're supposed to be paying attention to the other actor and giving them lines and helping them.

Speaker 2 Bobby was kind of of doing what you're doing right now to me.

Speaker 2 You were reading a fucking article in the middle of a scene. I mean, we might have to move on because I didn't want this reaction.
Crazy mean.

Speaker 2 Bad.

Speaker 2 Bad.

Speaker 2 But you know what?

Speaker 2 I love it. Thank you.
Good. Thank you.
Good. That's what I wanted.
My best friend. What was my best friend though? If the article was good, you got to read it.
It wasn't. It was bad.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about farts. I don't give a fuck.
But it will. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So she goes, that's fucking rude, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I did it for you you're like come on and i go sure the artist you're a bigger star i'm being rude you were but but you know what when that happened

Speaker 2 it's still kind of fun it's very fun because it's weird like people you know i mean the people at the art department are kind of being quiet did you feel like a little boy when she yelled at you

Speaker 2 Like, did you feel kind of demeaned? I feel like a little powerless boy.

Speaker 2 And I also remember going, I also remember going, thinking to myself, oh, I remember like 12 years ago, would you said you would kill a family member just to be in a scene with jenna fisher and now look at you and now i'm like on a show with her and i'm being like a fucking dick so i don't even know why i said that story man i feel fucking bad about it

Speaker 2 it's okay it's okay sorry have you done anything who yelled at you i wanted to hear what you're saying maybe al madrigal and uh griff griff got yelled at by melissa leo when we did i'm dying up here i mean lit us up like what for talking in the middle of a scene we were talking when the scene was done all right i want to be okay can i be you and then i want to see what she said sure okay

Speaker 2 i don't know what her lines are, but uh. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 I'm no, I'm you, right? We're off camera and we're chatting. Yeah.
Hey, man, Griff. Good set last time, man.
Fuck.

Speaker 2 He's like, really? You like my set?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like your set, man. I'm kidding.
I don't watch your set. Oh, yeah.
You don't watch my set.

Speaker 2 I'm crap.

Speaker 2 Hey, let's get some tacos.

Speaker 2 Hey, man. It's not lunch, man.
We just got here. It's eight o'clock all time.
I want tacos.

Speaker 2 We don't have tacos, man. Well, craft service, craft service.

Speaker 2 Go to craft service. We go to craft service, and I'm like, hmm, hey, hey, Andrew, you wonder if

Speaker 2 rub my fingers against these

Speaker 2 fruit roll-ups?

Speaker 2 You know what I like to do? Every morning, I like to come here and touch all the little foods on the craft service.

Speaker 2 I don't let anybody, you know what I mean, get clean food here. Anyway, well, we got a TV show.
It's great, man. Woo.

Speaker 2 So, are you going to interrupt me?

Speaker 2 She hasn't come in yet. She hasn't come in yet.
Are you going to interrupt?

Speaker 2 She didn't come in yet.

Speaker 2 So much more happened before.

Speaker 2 So much happened before she interrupted.

Speaker 2 It was like another hour. He's going to be so mad hearing that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's not going to be happy.

Speaker 2 Anyway, baby. So

Speaker 2 let's just now interrupt. I'll keep going, but you interrupt me.
Okay. So anyway.

Speaker 2 Dude.

Speaker 2 What is it? Where's that woman? Where's the woman that's on the show that's supposed to interrupt us? Baby, what's up? Tacos!

Speaker 2 Tacos!

Speaker 2 She still hasn't come in yet. I know, but

Speaker 2 honestly, dude, if she's going to come in in like five seconds, if she doesn't come in five seconds, we're done with the video. All right, go ahead.
I will. All right, let's go.

Speaker 2 I'm going to drink some electrolytes. Drink some electrolytes.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So anyway, Andrew, oh.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You think I got sickle cell?

Speaker 2 You know, because Bobby picks on me all the time about it. You You know, he jokes around.

Speaker 2 He feels sick or so.

Speaker 2 You know, I've been having some pains on my side.

Speaker 2 I've been having sickly, stickily, stickily pains on my side.

Speaker 2 Fucking interrupt me, motherfucker. I don't think she comes in.

Speaker 2 Motherfucker, I've been having this.

Speaker 2 Excuse me.

Speaker 2 Yeah?

Speaker 2 We're still in the scene. What's so important? What's so important?

Speaker 2 Outside. If you need to talk, go outside.

Speaker 2 Is there anything you'd like to say?

Speaker 2 Go outside. That's what she said? Oh,

Speaker 2 in that frame, that was what it was. And me.
That doesn't seem that bad. Oh, dude, she let us up.
It was so unnecessary. We were way off camera.
We were nowhere near the scene.

Speaker 2 And then what did you guys say to yourselves? Oh, we look like little children. I mean, all of us.

Speaker 2 The moment that she was like, excuse me, all of us were like, little chill, little, grown up, Al Madrigal. You know, we're all Mr.
He's Mr. Tough Guy.

Speaker 2 The moment she came over and did that whole thing, all of us, like little bitches, were like,

Speaker 2 like kids yeah yeah yeah no she embarrassed it was embarrassing kim cottrell did that to me it's embarrassing kim cottrell did i've had i've had a lot of are you gonna go back to sex in the city

Speaker 2 he said it's not it's not done is it done i don't know what's going on it came out i haven't seen a single one not one my buddy told me he saw you last night and he actually enjoyed your stuff on it he said you did good thank you but um but wait i thought it's back isn't it going aren't you going back this year no they said if they I don't they don't have a pickup for the second season.

Speaker 2 I don't know what's going on, but I don't know what I would do. I don't make decisions because the most I'll tell you, I'll be honest with you.
It's 2022. I'm doing a lot of reflection.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And the reflection is this. Number one,

Speaker 2 when I turned 50, I got really depressed, and I'm going through something right now. I'm going through a depression or whatever.
So

Speaker 2 I've been doing a lot of internal,

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 2 what do I want to do? What direction would I want to take? You know well let's talk about and I and I realized number one the most important thing for me right now is TB and be bad friends

Speaker 2 those are my two number one

Speaker 2 my creative outlets that I want to do yeah you know these are things that are what I want to do for the next couple of years number one that's my number one thing number two I want to get back get an hour back together so in 2023 I can really tour hard And I want to, because Bob died,

Speaker 2 I just want to be a better guy. You know, I think that

Speaker 2 if you look at why people reacted the way they did to Bob Dying,

Speaker 2 it's basically he's down, deep, down inside, just a really nice guy and a mensch.

Speaker 2 And he was real. He was a really nice, just a guy that everyone loved.
And I'm like,

Speaker 2 that's that's something to aspire to, man.

Speaker 2 Don't you think you're that now? People, I think I could be better.

Speaker 2 I think that I can, like, if I poo in my underwear, throw it in the fucking green room, you know. Saga did that all the time.
I know, but Sagan didn't go to a dwarf and go, what do I do?

Speaker 2 No, that's true. He doesn't.
So that's never touching. It's like, I take it to the next level.
I take it mythological.

Speaker 2 You? Yeah, I take it like, I take it like, you know, very like Narnia.

Speaker 2 I narnia. Like, if I poo whatever, right, I have have a poo

Speaker 2 situation, right? Pooh sitch. I could call you, but instead I go Willow.

Speaker 2 And it's like, why do I go Willow?

Speaker 2 Because you know I. And that's why I want to be a better person.
Okay. You don't know Willow Willow is, but it was a very funny reference.
Very funny reference.

Speaker 2 What is...

Speaker 2 So this is a story that it's very old, but it popped up on my feet again the other day and it made me laugh. This woman.
Eleanor Kerrigan.

Speaker 2 Is that Eleanor? Yeah. Her eyes are bad.
This woman woke up with a Chinese accent. She literally is British.
And she woke up with a Chinese accent. I'm sick.

Speaker 2 Sarah Colwell from Plymouth in England is a dead set pom who now sounds like she's from Shanghai.

Speaker 7 It wasn't until I was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. She actually said, Are you aware of the way you speak?

Speaker 2 And I said, Oh, I sound like you said,

Speaker 2 No, you sound like you were

Speaker 2 She has a better Asian accent than I am. By far.

Speaker 2 All right, stop this video. Wait, wait, I want to see what she just said.
Do it to see if I can do it. Hold on, just do her.
Just get rid of it, because that's too many women. Just go, just YouTube.

Speaker 2 Are you? Woman wakes up with Chinese accent. Just her.

Speaker 2 Are you aware? Are you aware you're speaking?

Speaker 2 Can you do it? Are you aware you're speaking? Can I do it? Go! Am I the best? I don't think you can. Are you aware of it? Oh my god, he's so good.

Speaker 2 How you're speaking. You're You're so good at it.
Speaking, girl. How about you, Juliana? No, no, no, no.
You can try.

Speaker 2 Try.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 This is so weird to ask an Asian to do an Asian action. I know.
You can't do one, but I can't. Are you aware?

Speaker 4 Okay, you do it, then I'll copy it.

Speaker 2 Hello. But

Speaker 2 Hello, how are you?

Speaker 2 How do you? Hey, feel good.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 are you aware that you are speaking?

Speaker 2 Are you aware

Speaker 5 that you are speaking?

Speaker 2 Nothing's better than watching Asians do Asian accents. Pretty fucking that was pretty good.

Speaker 3 That was pretty good.

Speaker 2 Just do your dad. When you do your dad, that's an Asian accent.
Do your dad. Do my dad now, right? I'll do it, right?

Speaker 2 Are you?

Speaker 2 Wait, stop there. Stop there.
Yeah, wait, wait, let me. Oh, edit this.
Bobby! Bobby, are you aware?

Speaker 2 Bobby, are you aware?

Speaker 2 Pretty good.

Speaker 2 Speaking.

Speaker 2 Speak University.

Speaker 2 Fucking great, baby.

Speaker 2 Dad?

Speaker 2 I'm missing you.

Speaker 2 I'm back from the dead.

Speaker 2 Daddy, why you die?

Speaker 2 I came back for you. Daddy, why are you dying? I miss you, sir.
Anyways, very good. Thank you.
Let me ask you something. Is there a village...
Let me ask you something.

Speaker 2 Is there a village in China with just a lot of these people? No, where a Chinese person wakes up and goes, Hello, how are you? With a British accent. Oh my God.
Can you imagine? That happens?

Speaker 2 This is the Bad Friends movie. I wake up one day and I have a Korean accent.
You wake up and you have an Irish accent.

Speaker 2 I can't do an Irish accent. Can you be something else? Try it.
Just give me a line again. We tried.
I know. I can't do it.
How about this? We'll do it.

Speaker 2 Write the script, but I will go take a class or something. We tried Irish.
You can do Irish, remember?

Speaker 2 Remember Conor McGregor?

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 2 Perfect. Say, say,

Speaker 2 Conor McGregor.

Speaker 2 I've got, I need to go to the shop. I need to go to the shop.
Perfect. Conor McGregor.
Connor McGregor. Just say that all the whole

Speaker 2 anytime someone asks you something, just respond with that.

Speaker 2 Just respond with Connor McGregor. Connor McGregor.
Conor McGregor. Conor McGregor.
So when I ask you something in the movie, and I wake up.

Speaker 2 Conor McGregor. Perfect.

Speaker 2 That's the movie. That's the movie.

Speaker 2 I wake up with a Korean accent. He wakes up with an Irish accent.
Maybe.

Speaker 2 Babel!

Speaker 2 We like a lot of accents and languages on this show. You know, but the thing is, is that they're surface.
Yeah. And you and I can go deeper.
We can go way deeper.

Speaker 2 And I think the thing is, you and I have the same... And honestly, our fans are smart people.
Yeah, they are. They get it.
Yeah. And our fans would really take advantage of Babel.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you guys right now, you guys want to be worldly, right? You guys want to learn a different language.

Speaker 2 This is the easiest way to do it, my friends. 15-minute lessons make it the perfect way to learn a new language on the go.

Speaker 2 These other language learning apps, they use AI for the lesson plans, but Babel lessons were created by over 100 language experts.

Speaker 2 Their teaching method has been scientifically proven to be effective, dude. It's science, baby.
It's science, baby. You got to trust the science with Babel.

Speaker 2 You can choose from 14 different languages, including Spanish, French, Italian, and German. There are so many ways to learn Babel.

Speaker 2 In addition to lessons, you can access podcasts, games, videos, stories, and even live classes, Andrew. Plus, it comes with a 20-day money-back guarantee.

Speaker 2 Come on, start your new language learning journey today with Babel. Right now, save up to 65% of your subscription when you go to babble.com slash bad friends.
That's babble.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 Save up to 65% off your subscription. Babel, language for life.
Upstart. What would you do if you didn't have high interest loans or credit card debt? I'd be free from the gripping debt.

Speaker 2 Andrew, with Upstart, you can pay off your existing debt quickly and easily and start living your life. Come on.
I'm carrying a credit card debt balance month after month, and many of you are.

Speaker 2 Make it feel like you're in a never-ending cycle of debt with no end in sight. But Upstart can help you make the final payment so you can get ahead.
Yes, man.

Speaker 2 If you're dread looking at your credit card statements like I do, I dread it, dude. All the time.
You're not alone, Andrew. And here's the other thing, Bob.
We both have credit card debt.

Speaker 2 I've had a lot over the years, and everyone deals with this.

Speaker 2 And rather than looking at a credit score loan, Upstart considers other factors like your income, your current employment, and credit history to find you you a smarter rate for your loan.

Speaker 2 The weight of debt can be crippling, but upstart can help you on your path to financial freedom. Oh man, you can even receive funds as fast as one business day after they accept your loan.

Speaker 2 And the loans are from $1,000 to $50,000. That's insane.
Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to upstart.com/slash bad friends. That's upstart.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 Don't forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you. That's right.
Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application.

Speaker 2 Upstart.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 or can we do how about this can we do like a freaky friday

Speaker 2 like a freaky friday where i'm andrew and i and you're me so good you wake up i wake up next to your wife you wake up next to kalila done done right good swap she's not an actress so we'll hire somebody we'll she can cast it but um that's right yeah yeah it's fine maybe we'll get someone olivia munn maybe olivia munn is gonna be my your my wife no no olivia munn is more kalila because she has oh yes olivia munn would be mine she's kalila and who are you playing and my who's i mean mean who's your wife uh mine will be the

Speaker 2 since i'm the one that has to do the scenes with her can i cast it you're gonna cast my wife yeah yeah all right so who do who do you wake up with then if i wake up with your gal gal godot yeah

Speaker 2 no i don't like that yes gal godot i don't get olivia munn for you get gal godot that's not fair

Speaker 2 beautiful i'm not saying she's not i'm just saying gal godot is foreign i get foreign

Speaker 2 we're gonna fuck her up though i want foreign if you get foreign i get foreign well you get to choose i'm the one that chose i get gal godot You choose. Okay.
So if I get Olivia Monn.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, I'm sorry. If you get Gal Gado, then your wife has to.
But Galgado's your wife, you fuckface. I know, but you get to sleep with her in this movie.
That's true. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 That's true.

Speaker 2 All right. So then, then my wife that you get in this movie.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, your wife that I get in this movie would be. Penelope Cruz.
Penelope Cruz. Thank you, Fancy.
Penelope Cruz? Yeah, that's good. Penelope Cruz.
Penelope Cruz. Penelope Cruz.

Speaker 2 But I insist,

Speaker 2 right, that you dye your hair black, throw it out. Then you have to dye your hair orange.
We're going to do, we're going to put little green, I'm going to put a new little green strips, right,

Speaker 2 around your eyes. Okay.
Little green here.

Speaker 2 We'll fix it in post. Okay.
Right? We'll CGI in post. You mean to pull my eyes down? We have to.
What do you mean? They can just use, they use tape now. Have you ever seen it? I don't want to CGI at.

Speaker 2 It's not good enough for me. Oh, okay.
It's got to be a slit. Imagine with slit.
With me?

Speaker 2 I'm in. Black and long, black hair.
In. In, dude.
And I'm going to have the red hair,

Speaker 2 white, translucent. Pasty, shitty, pasty skin.
Shitty, pasty skin. Just pasty, disgusting.
Disgusting red. Splotchy, skin.

Speaker 2 And a big red nose. Yeah, and I propose a 30-minute love scene.

Speaker 2 Because I'll tell you why. I know you do 30-minute sessions.
Just about.

Speaker 2 I've heard it.

Speaker 3 I've heard it from the rumor mill, man.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. How long do your sessions go? Three.
Minutes? Seconds. What? Yeah, three pumps, dude.

Speaker 2 However long three pumps is. But can I say something? You know what, by the way? They're long pumps? And no talking about sex anymore because old body count over here is getting ideas.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Sorry. My bad.
My bad body count. Are you dating right now? No.

Speaker 2 Are you on dating apps? Yes, yes. Yeah.
Rude. What are you on?

Speaker 2 Nothing. Okay.
What? You just, aren't you? She's on bumble. You're on bumble.
I'm on bumble. What do you want?

Speaker 2 Nothing. I I just want to talk to them.

Speaker 2 What? But what app are you on? Oh my god, that's us who swapped.

Speaker 2 That's great. What is? Hinge.
Hinge. Can I read one? No.

Speaker 2 Can we do this?

Speaker 2 I'd love to. I love doing this.
Let me read one. I love going on to somebody's dating app.
Let's answer. And saying yes to things.
Please. Like seeing guys and going, yes, no.
I like swiping.

Speaker 2 Can we do that? Let's talk about your toes.

Speaker 2 Why pink?

Speaker 2 What's up, man? Well, why pink? Why not? I'm not judging. I'm saying, why was the pink of the choice? Because I just.

Speaker 2 It was the brightest color. Who painted him?

Speaker 2 The lady. The Vietnamese lady down the street.
So when you go in to get your nails done,

Speaker 2 what it... Do they...
Do they say are they surprised that you're going to get your nails done, your feet painted? The lady.

Speaker 2 I have to go to this one specific lady because she knows about my thing. Right.
And she uses

Speaker 2 a gigantic metal thing like this. To shave your feet down? Yeah, but she does.
She brings this from a storage closet somewhere.

Speaker 2 When she walks in, they all look at it, and they go, bang by it, bang by. Right? So she has to run to go get the...
Now, is her name Bang Bai? Yeah, I think so. Bangbai, Bang Bai.
Right?

Speaker 2 Oh, hatchet, foot, covered. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hatch it, hatch it. Right, right.
They'd start yelling, hatch it. They brings the thing, right? And five people, they start scraping.
To saw it off.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm telling you right now, dude, my left foot, this much of skin.

Speaker 2 Right? And you know what's great about that?

Speaker 2 Can I tell you what you do with the skin? No.

Speaker 2 May I?

Speaker 2 May I? Bubba. You put it in a bowl.
Just hear me out, right?

Speaker 2 You dry it out outside.

Speaker 2 Just hear me out, right?

Speaker 2 And it'll get to the point where you touch it, it'll still, it'll crisp automatically, right? It'll almost like instantaneously, like a tortilla chip.

Speaker 2 What you do is you take a piece of chicken.

Speaker 2 You take a piece of chicken, right?

Speaker 2 And you dig,

Speaker 2 And you put your favorite spices. Yeah.
What do you like? Are you barbecue?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You're barbecue? Yeah, put some cumin in there.
Yeah, cumin barbecue? How much cayenne peppers? Love. Love it, right? That's what it'll do for you.
Habanero. So I take habito.
I'll take the red.

Speaker 2 So what I do is I take the chicken, right? I put it in a bowl, right? And I took the spices and I marinate. I rub it.
I rub the spices into the chicken. Sounds good to me, just the chicken, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 right. Then what I do is, right? I take the chicken and I take egg.

Speaker 2 Egg,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right. As an adhesive.
Yes, I understand.

Speaker 2 I take the chicken, put it in the egg, right? Then you take and you use it as a crust.

Speaker 2 The feet.

Speaker 2 You take that, you put the feet crust. As a breading? As a breading.

Speaker 2 Foot crusted chicken?

Speaker 2 As a breading, dude.

Speaker 5 That's so gross.

Speaker 2 How much would it cost you? To eat your foot-crusted chicken? Yeah, because it does pile up like that. I haven't done the other stuff, but it's like,

Speaker 2 what would that take? Would you ever eat his foot crusted chicken?

Speaker 4 I think if you fry it, you won't be able to eat it.

Speaker 2 No, this is baked.

Speaker 2 This is baked. Not baked.
But what do we just get?

Speaker 4 Air fryer.

Speaker 2 You did? What did we do last night? Fried chicken.

Speaker 2 No, and what kind of breading was it? Was it foot breading? No, Planko. What's it called? Panko.
Panko. Panko.
Panko crust, yeah. We use panko.
Delicious.

Speaker 2 It looks just like my foot crust, though. Do you think you could sneak in and they wouldn't know the difference? I swear to God, I could.

Speaker 3 Do it.

Speaker 2 I want you to do it and see if you could tell. I won't trust him.

Speaker 2 How about this? If I 50-50 it.

Speaker 2 Oh, half and half. If I 50-50.
Right. Would you know that you think? And Planka.

Speaker 2 What is it? What's up? Panko. Panko.
But Planka, too. Panko, Planka.
Panko, Planka, and Foot Cross.

Speaker 2 Would you try it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want you to try it. No way.
This ninja air fire fire is so good. I know.
I want one so bad. I've seen them all over the place.

Speaker 2 Will you buy me something for my birthday? Can I ask for something? Yeah, what is it? Will you buy me a Blackstone flat top? Like an outdoor hibachi grill? You know, the flat top? Fuck yeah, man.

Speaker 2 Where do you get those? Outside on the internet, but they're thousands of dollars, I think. How much are they? The Blackstone flat top.
How about this?

Speaker 2 As a team, as a team, we'll talk about when his birthday comes out and then we'll talk about it. See, but okay, they're only a couple hundred dollars for that, but I want like the build-out.

Speaker 2 Like, they do like a build-out one. It's really nice.
And they like build it into like a thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, see, that's that's fine. I want the one that's like built.
I want it built onto my patio. Yeah, but what do we do? Then you can come over and I can cook everything on the Blackstone.

Speaker 2 Dude, I can literally cook eggs and cheeseburgers at the same time. Flat tops are the best.

Speaker 2 Like hibachi. You've been to a hibachi restaurant, right? Yeah.
We went in fucking, we went in Mexico. Remember like

Speaker 2 what's it called? Propo. Garbage, you mean? What do you mean? I love hibachi grill.

Speaker 2 They flip the shrimp at you. You do that when we went to Mexico? I know.
I'm saying the experience is fun. It wasn't a good experience.

Speaker 2 No, the hibachi. Oh, you didn't do the hibachi with us.
I didn't do the hibachi. No, you didn't.
We did that. That's the problem.
Don't you? What's it called? Why can't I think of it?

Speaker 2 What's the one that Steve Aoki's dad owned? Benny Hanna. Yeah, remember that? That's great.
I went to Benihana with Amir and Sarah the other day. It's still open?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I thought they closed that down.
No, we took the Orange County one in fucking

Speaker 2 fucking Orange County.

Speaker 2 Because you were doing Irvine. Get night.
Yeah, Irvine. And

Speaker 2 they have LA River shrimp.

Speaker 2 Shut the fuck up. We didn't eat it.
Shrimp from the river. Bro, it was like LA River Shrimp where me, Sarah, and Amir.
No. On our plate, we didn't touch it.
Ask them. It was ghetto, dude.

Speaker 2 At the Benihana. Yeah.
We were like throwing at each other. We were using it as like weapons.
L.A. River shrimp? It was terrible.
Buffy. The greatest thing you ever done for me.

Speaker 2 Started the show with you. The second greatest thing you've ever done for me.
Given you a Buffy. No.
Hmm? No. What is it? You kissed me on the lips once.
I did kiss you on the lips.

Speaker 2 Number three. Yeah.
Buffy. Buffy.
That's right. And Buffy makes bedding that is super comfy and super sustainable.
Everybody's had sleepless nights. You know what we're talking about.

Speaker 2 The bedding industry, all right, has had an impact on the environment. So they decided to change it.

Speaker 2 Their products are made using only renewable and recycled materials, which makes them soft on the planet as they are on your bed and your body. This morning, I went, I made myself a burrito.

Speaker 2 You love burritos. What I take is I take a Buffy comforter, right? And I go to the edge of it and I go.
Burrito. And I wrap myself in it.

Speaker 2 And now I'm a tube of comfort. Of comfort.
A little Korean kimchi. Burrito.

Speaker 2 Kimchi, maybe not. There's no kimchi in there? No.
You don't have kimchi in your bed right now. In the jar, but not like just throw around.
I know, but it's right next to your bed. My point.

Speaker 2 The cloud comforter is covered in ultra-breathable eucalyptus fabric. It's softer than cotton.
It naturally soothes the skin. It's sustainable.

Speaker 2 Eucalyptus, as you know, we've talked about it, uses 10 times less water than cotton to grow It's fiber, and it's produced using recyclable, earth-friendly solvents. It's machine-washable, Andrew.

Speaker 2 You better believe it. The inside fill of each comfort is made from 100% recycled water bottles that'll transform and give it a second life like a super fluffy Buffy fiber.

Speaker 2 It feels even softer, Andrew, than down while keeping approximately 50 bottles out of landfields and oceans. That sounds incredible, man.

Speaker 2 You can try a comforter in your own bed for free, and if you don't love it, you can return it at no cost, but you will love it, right? Because Bobby loved it.

Speaker 2 For $20 off your Buffy Comforter, visit Buffy.co and enter Bad Friends. That's right.
$20 off your Buffy Comforter. Visit Buffy.co and enter the code BAD Friends.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 By the way.

Speaker 2 Did you see old?

Speaker 2 No, but you know what I did see? What? Don't look up.

Speaker 2 Don't look up. Loved it.
Yeah, it was good. To be honest.
It was good. I loved it.
No, I did like it. But can I be honest? Leonardo DiCaprio is the best actor of our generation.
I'll say it. Done.

Speaker 2 Go ahead, Fancy. Argue with me.
You fucking film student. It's pretty good.

Speaker 2 I think DiCaprio. No, him.
I didn't say the movie. I'm saying he's the best actor of my generation.
He is great. Since I've been alive on Earth, name someone that's made more hits, more bangers.
Huh?

Speaker 2 What's eating Gilbert Grape? Basketball diaries. Tommy Cruz.
Titanic. Tommy Cruz.
Catch me if you can. Tommy Cruz is not the same generation.
I've just named four bangers.

Speaker 2 Tom Cruise does Mission Impossibles. Great, but what else? Okay.
What else? Fancy. What else has Tom Cruise done? Top Gun? The Mummy.
Top Gun, a remake of an original that he did before.

Speaker 2 It's going to be the number one movie ever. I know.
It's going to be great. I'm saying, you're not giving me an array of different kinds of acting.
Magnolia. All right, fine.
Fuck. Heath Ledger.

Speaker 2 Born of the Fourth of July. Heath Ledger.

Speaker 2 Heath Ledger's dead.

Speaker 2 He died. He died.

Speaker 2 What else did you say about what else did Tom Cruise do? Magnolia. Oh, come on.
Born of the 4th of July. Dude, that's right.
Born on the 4th of July. So the movie that I want to watch

Speaker 2 last night. You think all these are better than all the ones that I just named? Tropic Thunder.
Tropic Thunder was not. First of all, Robert Downey Jr.

Speaker 2 was the best character on that in that whole movie. How did he not get cancelled? For doing Blackface?

Speaker 2 But not just Blackface, the whole movie. Because the joke was about doing it.
I know.

Speaker 2 But that's why I loved it. Did you see

Speaker 2 Ben Stiller was better, by the way? Do you see Licorice Pizza? No,

Speaker 2 I want to show you a scene. It's Blackface? That's worse.
Than Blackface? It's funny. So they have a scene in it.
It's just like the thing that you showed me, okay?

Speaker 2 Where, so I forgot his name, but he's in Beston Show.

Speaker 2 You see Beston's show? Yeah, Eugene Levy. No, he plays Michael Keaton's husband in it.
Boyfriend. Oh, oh.
The two gay guys. Michael McKeaton.

Speaker 2 John Michael Higgins. John Michael Higgins is so fucking funny.

Speaker 2 In the movie, he plays a restaurant, a Japanese restaurant owner, a white guy, but he's partnered with his wife who has an Asian accent. She's Japanese.
She's Japanese, right?

Speaker 2 So when he's talking to other people, he has a regular English, he's American.

Speaker 2 But when he talks to his wife, he talks to her in a thick Asian accent. Maybe she loves that.
I know, but in the movie, it's so big. And I saw that with me, my brother, and Gene Hung.

Speaker 2 We're all Asian, right? And when we saw that, we go, oh my God, it's that guy. And then when he did that, us three, we fell on the ground,

Speaker 2 holding our sides, laughing, and we don't know why. It's that bad.
The accent's that thick. It's that funny.
That's so funny. It's such a cool

Speaker 3 choice. Small choice, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a choice. And it's a choice that you would never make in this climate.
But they did. But they made a choice, and that's why I love them.
The movie's really good, huh?

Speaker 2 It's not, it's, it's, it's, it's got some, it's great. And I think that Philip Steymer, I think Philip Steymore Hoffman's son kills it.
Oh, what's his name? His name is Cooper Hoffman.

Speaker 2 His first movie. His first movie he's ever done? His son, yeah.
Look at them watching a basketball game together. Baseball game together.
The him. That's me.
That's his son. That's actually me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's you. And Cooper is the star of the movie.
And he's dope. And look at Magnolia.
Philip Seymour Hoffman

Speaker 2 is one of the greatest actors of all time, was in the movie Magnolia. He died.

Speaker 2 He worked with Paul Thomas Anderson. Paul Thomas Anderson does Licorice Pizza and uses his son as the lead.
That's

Speaker 2 amazing. And his son's a great actor, huh? Great.
And that girl from Haim,

Speaker 2 she's great. Yeah.
It's a great movie. I loved it.

Speaker 2 They're Jewish, you know.

Speaker 2 Who is? The Haim. They're all Jew.

Speaker 2 They all got the Jew, babe.

Speaker 2 They got it. And you know what? When I look at it, I go, I want it.
To be Jewish? Do you want to be like hipster Jew? No. I do.
I don't look Jewish. No, but don't you want to be?

Speaker 2 No, I'm fine with that. You want to do the curl?

Speaker 2 That's not... Hipsters don't do the fucking.

Speaker 2 I would do it. I would do Orthodox combo hip.
Orthodox hip? Yeah. type in orthodox chic see if there's an orthodox chic look that's going around right now orthodox jewish chic

Speaker 2 look at that oh hip jews dude welcome back to hip jews hip jews hip jews it has to be sung by a german guy for some reason if you can be anything rudy what would you be if you could be any other race or nationality what would you be

Speaker 2 i want to be are you really happy with what you are japanese you want to be japanese like that right behind you look at that that's who she wants to be so bad She wants to be that.

Speaker 2 That little Japanese girl with huge eyes and a nose that doesn't exist. Can I say something? And a little bloody knife.

Speaker 2 The only difference.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be so mean right now. Please.
Do you want me to be? Yeah. We want me to be healthy.
Well, we'll get it. We'll do healthy later.
Okay.

Speaker 2 The only difference is the poo, poo, the poo, the poop, the poo, the poo, the poo color skin.

Speaker 2 Do you really think it's poo? No, it's beautiful. Bring up a picture.
Bring up a picture of poop.

Speaker 2 Bring up a picture of poo.

Speaker 2 Just do poo.

Speaker 2 Do human feces. Yeah, human feces.

Speaker 2 I don't think you're right, Bob, but let's just see

Speaker 2 images.

Speaker 2 Jules, I love you so much. All right, bring up that first picture.
Bring up that first photo.

Speaker 4 That color looks like you do Bobby.

Speaker 2 Mommy. Wait, make that as big as you can.
Wide that up. All right, Jules, get up there and put your arm against it.

Speaker 2 Put your arm against it. Please put your arm against it.
Oh, it's the Wikipedia one. All right, there you go.
Why is it fancy? It's official poop. Oh.
Let's just see if that's close. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
That's awesome.

Speaker 2 That's the underlight skin is so the same color. That's the exact same color.
That's the same.

Speaker 2 Jules,

Speaker 2 put your arm back up. Wait, wait, Jules.
Just go in front of the... Jules, go in front of the...

Speaker 2 Where are you? Oh, my God. You're gone.
She's gone. She camouflaged.
Where did you go? Oh, my God. You know what it reminds me of?

Speaker 2 When Rambo, remember Rambo, when he came out of the, where he was hidden on the cliff at mud? Couldn't see him. Couldn't Couldn't see him.
And his eyes opened up. You think that looks...

Speaker 2 I think all of us have poo-colored skin. It's some kind of bear.
Let's go back to the main page. I guarantee you, Bobby has, there's poop that exists.

Speaker 2 Let's see.

Speaker 4 No, it's still white.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're not dark enough. You're not dark enough.
That's why I love this, though. You can see me, can't you?

Speaker 2 I still see you now.

Speaker 2 Go back to the main page of human feces. I bet you there's a piece of poop that looks just like you.

Speaker 2 Look at the second one. The second one looks kind of bobby.
All right, let's go. That's kind of just

Speaker 2 pinch and squeeze.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to lie. That looks a lot like that looks the same.

Speaker 2 That's the same.

Speaker 2 That's the same. I can't see you.
Where are you? Bobby. There you are.
I disappeared.

Speaker 2 See if there's orange poop to see if maybe

Speaker 2 there's one for me.

Speaker 2 Am I Bloody Poop? Yeah, you're Bloody Pooh. Light Bloody Poo.
I think there's a lot of orange poop right there. There's one on that page right now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 There it is.

Speaker 2 The worst guy.

Speaker 2 Go here, go here. Which one? That one?

Speaker 2 Yeah. All right, let's see.
Andrew?

Speaker 2 Oh, Mike.

Speaker 2 Andrew!

Speaker 2 Andrew?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're part of it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're the edge of it. I'm bloody poo.
You're bloody poo, dude. Anywho.
So you'd be Japanese? If you could be any race or nationality, what would you be? What would you be?

Speaker 2 You know, I've thought about, like, seriously

Speaker 2 where I could.

Speaker 2 I think I could have been

Speaker 2 born in Canada by a lake. Okay.
By white people. Okay.
That have something to do with forestry. Like,

Speaker 2 like, you mean like national park preserver people? Like the. What's that vibe?

Speaker 2 Hippies. Hippies.
Yeah, I want to be, like, if I see a tree fall, it sheds a tear.

Speaker 2 You shed a tear. Yeah.
Like, every time I'm driving down the street, I see a tree that's fallen. I shed a tear and I go.
In fact, I get out of the car.

Speaker 2 You get out of the car? Yeah, I want to be one of those guys. I get out of the car, I go to the side of the tree, I go to the street, and I just tears, and just, I put my hand on it.

Speaker 2 God bless you, tree. God bless you.
And I just kind of, there's still some life energy.

Speaker 2 So you're saying you'd want to be white? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just a white person.

Speaker 2 Is that what it is? I just want to be white. What do you think I want to be? If I could be any racer on black now.
Black.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Both of you. Black.
Why do you say black so fast?

Speaker 4 You're so good at the accent.

Speaker 2 I'm good at the black accent, the black scent. You're good with a lot of accent.
But I'm good with a lot of accents. I would like to be black.
I want to tell people, there was a Magnum PI.

Speaker 2 I would love to be black. There was a Magnum P.I.
episode that they wrote a part for Andrew.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay, it came out.
Yeah. Andrew.

Speaker 2 First of all, this is not all the way true. Yeah, this is what happened.
They didn't write a part for me. Yes, they didn't.
No, it never got to me. It did go to you.
No, it never did. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 It did. I swear to God, they did.
Because

Speaker 2 the executive producer is my friend. My agent never gave me the role.
I know. It never got an idea.
But your agent goes, they ask, Go, can we get some tape on Andrew? Just anything.

Speaker 2 Because we know he's on Dave. We know he's an actor.
He's been in a million things, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 your agent sent him like a clip from not jackass, what's that? Pumped.

Speaker 2 That was maybe him saying, fuck you. I think that's what that was.

Speaker 2 But there was a part, but it came out. It would have been great, but because there was some violence between us.
Can I see it? Later, man. You would have been good, but I didn't ever get the role.

Speaker 2 The other guy was great. I didn't get offered the role.
His name is Leaf. He was great.
He was better than you. Anyway.

Speaker 2 Leaf? Yeah. His real name? Yeah.
It's cool.

Speaker 2 L-E-I-F or L-E-A-F. I don't know, man.
Well, I should know how to spell a guy's name that you work with. I never got the role.
But also, don't ask for tape. Get the fuck out of here.
You're difficult.

Speaker 2 No, get the fuck out of here. You're difficult.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 When

Speaker 2 hello. Tape? Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 2 Get the fuck out of here. Tape?

Speaker 2 Tape? That's true. We talk about practice?

Speaker 2 Fuck out of here. I know.
That's insane. What the fuck do you mean, tape? I'll take a phone call.
Like, I think I didn't say any of this, but that's my agent being like, that's insane. And he's right.

Speaker 2 That is fucking insane. What do you mean? What do you mean? Did you have to put in tape for Magna PI? No.

Speaker 2 That's true. Yeah, get the fuck out of here.
Okay, anyway, no, stop. What a great show.
Don't be mean. I love it.

Speaker 2 But I wish I would have done the show because I would have liked to go to Hawaii with you. But next season? I'll do it next.
I would love to do it next season. Don't ask for fucking tape.
No tape.

Speaker 2 That's insane. I didn't realize it.

Speaker 2 Can I go back to something real fast just so we could kind of round this out real fast, genuinely? Go ahead. I'm that serious.
The body count thing? No.

Speaker 2 You better not be thinking that this is like we're all having fun and then you're going to go out there and you're going to go do it and go nuts. Not only that, it's like

Speaker 2 I'm serious too. Here's the worst nightmare.

Speaker 5 I'm not going to be pregnant.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh my fucking God.
And they were like, what the fuck do you want from us? Well, you do live on a hill.

Speaker 2 That's true. We're royal.
I'm going to push. I'm going to roll.
Nudge. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the gift that Pete gave us? What did he give us?

Speaker 2 Oh, first of all, is Pete no longer with us? I'll be honest. R.I.P.
He died. He died.
But he left something. Oh, come on.

Speaker 2 All you did was shit on Pete.

Speaker 2 Hey,

Speaker 2 also, but look at this. We wanted to shout this out real fast.
This is a piece of new art for Bad Friends, Rudy's Revenge, that I think is fucking incredible that we got. What's the gentleman's name?

Speaker 2 He has a card for Rudy. There's a card for Rudy.
Yeah. Everything.
Oh, my God. Rudy, will you read what the card says?

Speaker 4 To Rudy and the Bad Friends family.

Speaker 2 That's us.

Speaker 4 It's a lot.

Speaker 2 It's a lot of words? Show the camera how many words. No, I wanted to read it in the accent.
What's his accent? No.

Speaker 2 Boston. Oh, yeah, Boston.
I don't know. He's from Boston.

Speaker 2 He's going to give you a template. Yeah.
And you're going to base it. And you're going to commit to it.
And you're going to do it. And we're going to close out the show.
We're going to go home.

Speaker 2 Look at how many,

Speaker 2 look at how long that fucking note is.

Speaker 4 Yeah. Just do it as best you can.
His name is Colin Beck.

Speaker 2 We'll give her an example of a Boston-Asky accent.

Speaker 2 Boston. Colin Beck talks like this, bro.
So, hey, I'm Colin Beck, dude. Bad friends for life, buddy.
Colin Beck with this. Go ahead.

Speaker 4 Can you can you do it again?

Speaker 2 No, go ahead. Go ahead.
Yeah,

Speaker 4 ready.

Speaker 2 Kennedy, what the fuck? No, she said ready.

Speaker 2 Rudy. Oh, Rudy.
Oh, fuck. All right.
But that sounds like Kennedy. Yeah, dude.
Canada. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, the best.

Speaker 2 Dude, fuck. What the fuck? This sounds like JFK.
JFK.

Speaker 4 Never change.

Speaker 2 You're killing it. You're doing great.

Speaker 4 How you enjoy the fan art?

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's it.
For Rudy.

Speaker 2 What does it say for the rest of us?

Speaker 4 Andrew and Bobby. Love you both.

Speaker 4 Love the show.

Speaker 4 Always hilarious.

Speaker 2 It's very California now. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Oh, I just say it again.

Speaker 2 Just do surfer stuff now. Yeah.
What's that, dude? Fuck yeah, man. Fuck it.
But

Speaker 4 your boss needs to change it, too.

Speaker 2 You got a little sheep thing. Ah,

Speaker 2 ah. Bye.

Speaker 4 About anime. I realize it's wonders.

Speaker 2 Wonders?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Wonders. Wonders.

Speaker 4 So, in the hope, so you'll give it a real chance.

Speaker 4 I've gifted you ish a movie to watch.

Speaker 2 Rudy, you ready?

Speaker 4 You already know it's up. So yours is just a bonus gift.

Speaker 2 Now she has a speech impediment.

Speaker 2 I don't know. You killed it.
Great job. Wait, what's the movies that you got? Yeah.
I want a movie.

Speaker 4 The Girl Who Leap Through Time. I want this.

Speaker 2 Cool. Guess we don't get to choose.

Speaker 4 And then.

Speaker 2 The host of the show, we don't get to choose.

Speaker 4 Yours is Red Line.

Speaker 2 Ooh, throw it. Just throw it.
Great movie. Give me one.

Speaker 4 Yours is mind-gamed to Bobby.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Give me like it. That looks cool.
Thank you, Colin Beck. Thanks, dude.
Appreciate you.

Speaker 2 Now that we're on gifts, what did Pete give us?

Speaker 2 He actually wrote you guys a song. Happy 100th, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Happy 100th episode. How do you do it? Sure, twist the bottom.
Don't point it at my fucking face. You twist the button.

Speaker 2 It went that way.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you twisted the wrong way.

Speaker 2 Give me another one. No.

Speaker 2 Rudy, you have one. Twist yours.

Speaker 2 Is it this way? Twist yours. Don't pick it at your face.
Is it? No, no, no, no, no. The other way.

Speaker 2 Is it this way? Yeah, yeah. No, no.
You're okay. You're not.
You're not. This way.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You're not.

Speaker 2 Yay! Yay!

Speaker 2 Happy 100th! Happy 100th episode!

Speaker 2 Let's see what Pete says. What do you got to say, Pete? Hold on one second.
Let's get this streamer down. Hold on.
All right, Pete. What do you got to say?

Speaker 2 I should listen to it all. All right, start it over.
So, wait, did Pete? Is this

Speaker 2 Pete's not dead? We just want to tell the fans he has COVID. Yep.
He has COVID. Oh, my God.
All right, let's see.

Speaker 8 Hey, Bobby and

Speaker 8 But she gave up, she was really old and she lived a long life before she stepped into the light. And I hope Betfriends have the longevity of Betty White.

Speaker 8 And love like Betty White, even in the afterlife.

Speaker 8 Cause bad friends is a continuing stroke of genius that gets us through life. Unlike the stroke of Betty White,

Speaker 8 leaves us behind. Life where Betty White,

Speaker 8 so glad I'm here to spend 100 with you in 2022.

Speaker 2 Unlike you, now we're

Speaker 2 thank you, Pete.

Speaker 2 We love you, man. Love you, Pete.
We love you, Petey.

Speaker 2 Miss him. Well, hey, man, just like the old school days.
Are you alright? I got electrocuted.

Speaker 2 There's no electrical charge in there. Dude, I punched this, my finger in there, and I got electrocuted.
Do it again. See if it does.
I'm not going to do it again. It hurts so bad.
Do it again.

Speaker 2 There's no way it's real. Do it.
Stick your finger in there.

Speaker 2 Give it to me. No, I want you to stick your finger in there.
Well, I don't want you to hold it. All right.
That's insane.

Speaker 2 Nothing? No. I'm Kidding.

Speaker 2 One, two, three.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 So far.

Speaker 2 So far.