Alfalfa Sprout & Toco Choco

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What's that sound?

It's our 100th episode.

100th episode of Bad Friends, guys.

We're in our new studio.

We've been doing this now

for 100 episodes

and thank you for coming along for the ride. Say thank you, Rudy.
Rudy. Thank you.
And we don't ask a lot from you. No.
In fact we don't ask anything. Yeah never.
And we're asking one thing. We're asking for you guys to take us over the $500,000 mark.
We want to get to a half a million subscribers on YouTube. Take us over the $500,000 and God you know what? You know a lot of these religious programs? Yeah.
They offer like you you know, if you send us this, this will happen. This will happen to you, yeah.
We believe that God will give you something. If you subscribe.
We believe that God will give you something. We don't know what it is and we're not making any promises.
If you subscribe and get us over the half a million. And also you have to hit the notification bell so you know that we post.
We post every single Monday. And Monday.
And Monday. Yeah, yeah.
I was going to say this, dude. Every Monday.
Jesus and Buddha, right?

Gandhi. And Gandhi.
They all love it. Everybody loves this show.
They love this program. So please subscribe.
We want to get to a half a million. Please.
And thank you for watching the episodes. I love you.
It means a lot to us. We love you.
Bye. Bye.
Hey, everyone, come see me. I've got just a couple of tour dates left.
I'm in Chicago Theater February 5th. And then and then I go to Seattle

and Portland and Albany

and Foxwoods and Vegas and

Green Bay. I've never seen your act before, but when I

saw you in San Diego, you were the greatest comic ever in San Diego.

Shut up. And even if I'm not there in

spirit, I'm there in spirit. You're there in spirit.

And I'm always there. Yeah, you're always there.

So come. So come see me.
Go to

andrewsantino.com. andrewsantino.com you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends little blacky got honestly out of all the people to get covid he was the most worrisrisome.
Why is that? He just looks like COVID kind of to me. He has a little COVID-esque.
Yeah, he's got a vibe. No, he looks like he's already defeated.
Yeah. Well, he does have COVID.
If he saw COVID in a ring, you and I would be like, oh, yeah, he's lost. He's got it.
Yeah, it's over. We're on this corner.
We're like, oh, we just pack it up. Throw it in the towel.
Yeah, it would pack it up. But he's alive.
He's alive. He's still alive.
How long has Doc... Doc has COVID, ladies and gentlemen.
How long has Doc had COVID now for three days, four days? For a couple weeks. Are you serious? Yeah.
For a couple weeks. Because I've been checking on him for a couple weeks.
Wow, I know are you alive yeah doug thanks for checking up oh yeah man i'm fine kovay gonna take me down but can i just say this before we start um we almost didn't make it because um we almost died on the way over here and that's not even a joke i don't know why you're laughing it's not even a joke i don't know why you're laughing it's really sincere in the new studio do i need to tell you to put the mic closer to your face it's insane it's insane how is it still you turn on so um just real quick you know when i came over here i i stopped by the little 7-eleven because i love refreshments sure and i have money you have money yeah so i like i like to buy things you do like to buy yeah so we're there and i go and i go jules you want to go and she goes no i went in there and i went and bought Pedialyte Pedialyte Okay I come back out

That's Gatorade

Pedialyte. Pedialyte.
Okay. I come back out.
That's Gatorade Pedialyte. It's beautiful.
I come back out and the car door is open on her side. She's dead.
No. No? I walk in.
She doesn't say anything, right? Now, I don't know why the car door is open. But when I walk the car, imagine this, all right? Smelling.
Yeah. Let's suppose an egg, right? Ate an egg.
Got it. Shit up an egg.
Got it. Right? And then just left it on, like, you know, rotten egg on some concrete in the summer, Boston.
Yeah, like under the sun? Under the sun, Boston. Right?

And then a cockroach, a family.

An entire family of cockroachias?

They go, it's a swimming pool. Yay!

One of them is like, no it's not!

But is it? No.

It's not. But they all died.

Maggots formed. Anyway,

she did a fart.

She did a fart, dude, that I literally went, went should we go to the hospital what died inside of you I don't know I haven't pooped in four days why haven't you pooped in four days bud I can't what do you mean nothing's going on do you sit on the toilet for a long enough time? No, because they said you get hemorrhoids.

Okay, first of all, who says they?

A tickle eye law.

Has she had hemorrhoids?

No, but... She's a know-it-all.

First of all, my fucking girlfriend is a fucking know-it-all.

She thinks she knows about hemorrhoids.

And she doesn't know anything.

She doesn't know anything.

She knows a lot.

She knows a lot of medical stuff, but you know what? She's not here, so I'm going to say it. She doesn't know it all.
Damn. You know what, dude? Are you eating enough fiber? No, I don't know.
Bring up a list of things that have high fiber in them. High fiber.
And then we can see... By the way, Bobby, do you like our new TV? Because it's fucking huge for you.
It's a 65-inch TV. I understand this, but the thing is that the screen is still too long for my eyes.
What are you talking about? It's the biggest fucking... The screen needs to be here.
It's the biggest TV. Imagine if it was right in front of me.
Then I could... Do you want us to get a drop-down TV right in front of your face? Yeah.
Okay, we'll get one. Yeah, yeah.
But I want it so I can press a button. How about in the voice? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, we'll do that.
Guys, work on that. I also want a light that does something.
All right, so Bobby, read the list to her of the things that have high fiber in me. Honestly, from here, I'm going to show you what that says to me.
No, just go back a little bit to show you what it was. That says, Sarar's Grom.
That says Shamashanko 5 Grom.

That one says August 6th.

That other one says Apatow.

Yeah.

Judd Apatow.

Judd Apatow.

He has high fiber.

Yeah.

No, it says apples.

So I've never seen her eat an apple.

I've never seen her eat raspberries.

I've never seen her eat an avocado.

Bananas?

Bananas.

A lot. You eat a lot of bananas.
in fiber yeah yeah carrots i've never seen her eat beets i've never seen her eat right broccoli none none of that artichoke brussel sprouts none of this stuff you've ever lentils do you know what lentils are no take a guess small beans got it kidney beans split peas chickpeas okay so all of these things that have high fiber you eat none of them okay This is why you can't poop, kiddo. Got it.
Kidney beans. Split peas, chickpeas.
Okay, so all of these things that have high fiber, you eat none of them. Okay, this is why you can't poop, kiddo.
Bananas. Okay, I know, but how many bananas? Once every other day or three days? You got to eat more fiber every day.
You know what? Can we get, can you guys, let's have George reach out to, what's the thing that old people have and they stir in there at night before they go to bed? Metamucil. Metamucil? I was going to say cyanide.
Cyanide. So they don't wake up.
Cyanide. Let's get some of this for her.
Can we get some Metamucil to see if we can get her to shit? And can we have a shit tracker for her? Just to find out we need a shit tracker. Well, you know, I shit.
So two weeks ago, I had an emergency. I shit in the parking lot of the Grove the you shit in one of the nicest outdoor malls yeah yeah so my brother um and my brother almost my brother almost goes i don't think you're my brother anymore man like it was that humiliating to him because it wasn't like at night it was like it was like seven in the middle of the day it was like seven but what did you do you pull your pants so we your pants off? No, so we went to go and see the movie Licorice Pizza.
How was it? Loved it. And it's, what's his name's movie, right? Paul Thompson.
PTA. Also, you're watching Magnolia tonight.
Yeah. Okay.
Oh, my God. What? She's a disgust.
Oh, you also, remind me. So gassy.
She said something even crazier. Yeah.
Remind me later. Can't wait me later I'm not even done with this So I go I gotta go to my car Because I forgot my cigarettes or something And as I went toward my car The movie theater is there I parked where the fucking farmer's market is So it's far It's pretty far So as I i'm walking i fart a little bit a little poo comes out like normal it's not normal everyone here has farted and a little poos come out normal no that's never happened in japan once in japan thank you but it's japan all right that's true it was in japan yeah it's a japanese thing to do oh yeah just a little bit came out can i say something too and i want to apologize to brad williams why you didn't do that him.
He was born that way. No, no, no.
I do. I have to apologize to Brad Williams right now because I've been thinking about apologizing to him because forget the Grove story.
There's another Poo story that he's involved with that happened as well. You shit on Brad Williams.
No, it's close. He is perfect Poo.
It is Poo perfect, but it's even worse. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
So I was at the improv, okay? And I was about to go up, and this kid went up before me, and he fucking – I'd never seen him before, this kid. And you're going to know his kid.
Do you know his name? I do, but you're going to be able to guess it. He's a new kid.
He killed improv, packed room, white kid, killed it. What? And I shit my pants.
He was so good, and I had I had to follow him you had shit in your pants when you went on stage? no up in the green room upstairs so he was down there I was looking down his name was Trevor Wallace oh yeah I know who that is yeah yeah he's so good he crushed he crushed it and what did you do? I started shaking nervous I shit my pants and then the host goes up right and I pull my sweats down i pull my underwear down i pull my underwear put it in a fucking ball i throw it in the corner of the green room i pull my sweats back on i barely make it on stage bro there's a poop so there's poop underwear upstairs in the green room right in a ball now can i say this too go looking for it guys poop scavenger hunt underwear on now but also years ago I got banned from a club because I left poo in the fucking green room seems pretty reasonable right so now I'm paranoid I get off stage I go straight to the comedy store because I have a new spot you don't bother to go clean up your poo underwear I don't remember it because I just in the spot. I'm late for my spot.

All right.

All right.

I feel like I remember it.

Can I just say this right now?

Happy New Year to you.

Happy New Year to you.

And I feel like you're being judgmental.

So I want to...

Not even a little bit.

Can we rewind it a little bit

and go...

And I don't want

any judgment from you.

Can I tell you something?

I'm glad you left your poo.

You're one of my best friends.

You're one of my best friends?

I want to say that right now

a lot.

You're one of my best friends

and I love you.

I love you.

No, I'm not even done, dude.

Okay.

I love you so fucking much man you're like a brother to me man I love you so anyway felt good though? yeah it was great I thought we were gonna get somewhere else with it but yeah I'll take what I can get out of it but I really meant that I meant it too I much. Look me in the face right now.
Say, I can't live without you. One, two, three.
I can't live without you. Thank you.
So your poo underwear is up at the improv. Right.
And here you are. You're racing the store because you got a 945 spot.
So now check this out. My story right now is like Magnolia.
It's all over the place. but it's going to make sense.
So, Andreas, years ago, I had another poo incident that Brad Williams, where I had a poo thing, right?

Where I left a poo somewhere, and I hunted him down for his advice what to do.

Because you know midgets always put their pants.

I don't know why.

I don't know why.

That's why I want to apologize.

And then this time around, right, I was at the comedy store.

I was freaking out.

I don't know why. I don't know why.
That's why I want to apologize.

And then this time around, right, I was at the comedy store.

I was freaking out.

I hunted down Brad.

Where's Brad?

And everyone's like, oh, Brad went over around there.

I went to find Brad to help me figure out how to figure out this poo situation.

But in my head, I'm like, do I think that little people have better knowledge of of poo or something i feel like little people do probably poop themselves more than we think that's why i think they just you know why don't say that that's straight crazy well their organs are smaller it's got it processes so fast it's got to get out of there faster i never thought of it medically let me call brad and see if he's got so many let's see let's see if brad thinks because people could be saying oh you're being um high dist right now you're you're being behind it no i came here to apologize bro i know but maybe your assumption was true that maybe lps do know more about shitting their pants than normal people okay or i'm a regular heighted human human i don't know what's the terminology for that but we'll see What's up, buddy? Hey, buddy, you're on the podcast with me and Boob. We got a question for you.
All right. Fire away.
Bobby shit his pants. He feel and he did it twice and he feels like he has to always seek your help when he shits his pants.
Hey, Bobby, I kept your secret. I didn't tell anybody.
What a good friend good friend that's that's another number one that's why i go to little people well you remember they love keeping secrets they love it they love they're so good at it well they can hide them in those trees also they never told anyone where the wizard was right never once not once did they tell you where the wizard was bro brad they're good at secrets why secrets. Why are you telling Andrew there's a wizard? I told you that in college.
See, you broke his... Yeah.
Also, have you been to the chocolate factory? They don't give cop stoppers for free. No, you have to work for it.
You go to little people, right? They're good at like... They're good at like being loyal to their company.
Correct. Right? And they're good about their word.
Correct. They're very...
Have you watched Peter Dinklage in his movies? Yeah. He's always's always playing a businessman he is he's got something important to do always yeah yeah and he always keeps secrets brad he's a good guy brad first of all we both love you very much bobby wanted to apologize i apologize every time there's a poo thing i always come to you and i want to do you know next time i'm going to go to chelsea handler or somebody else let me say this though okay brad apology anyway.
But also, do you think that his intuition, his instinct might be keen on the idea that perhaps LPs are a little bit more knowledgeable of what to do in those situations than anybody else? Well, first of all, Bobby, I absolutely accept your apology. And you could always come to me with any poo news.
See? And don't worry. We're friends.
I'm going to keep that just between you and me. This is a popular podcast.
Everybody knows now. Everyone knows.
Everybody knows now. Yeah.
Now everybody knows. But yes, you are correct.
And I think he just looks at me because dwarves typically have larger asses. So maybe he's like, See the biggest ass you realize how big his ass is there's got to be a lot of shit coming out of there but it's here's the thing the shit doesn't come through the cheeks with them it does that's the difference it's not like the cheeks are full of shit dude no the cheeks are full of shit what else is in the cheeks that's true i never thought of it that way it's poo it's poo being dragged down because of the gravity and also brad um and rudy over here you know rudy jules rudy hasn't shit in four days in four days any advice uh get your affairs in order because you're probably gonna die probably gonna die full of shit you're gonna die so i'll get die so I'll get your affairs in order.
Brad, I love you. We love you very much, Brad.

We love you, bud.

I apologize.

Happy New Year, buddy.

Happy New Year.

Bye.

Bye.

The best.

So, um,

you want to share...

You're going to die.

Yeah, Jules,

you want to share...

I don't want to die

just because I didn't

poop in four days.

But you got to poop.

It's waste leaving the body.

Otherwise, you're storing waste.

You know Elvis?

He died with a bunch

of poop in his body.

A lot of...

How many pounds of poop

did Elvis have in his body?

So you're going to be Elvis.

And you know where he died, too.

I'm going to be Elvis. And you know where he died, too? On a toilet.
Toilet. With a peanut butter and jelly fried banana sandwich.
Yeah. That's real.
Yeah. Look at this.
You know where that sandwich was? Read that. In between his breast? Read that out loud, Bobby.
The coroner found... You gotta make it bigger for him.
No, Bob.

No, no.

Sit down.

They're gonna make it big.

The coroner found over 35 pounds of white, chalky fecal matter in Elvis' colon.

35 pounds of poop inside of Elvis.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

That's the king, baby.

That's the king, baby.

Hey.

And you're the queen, and you probably have more poop inside of you.

You're gonna win this race.

Imagine if...

How much do you weigh?

115. Can you imagine if, like, 70 pounds of it was just poop if she was really disappear yeah what if that oh you need the poop inside you to stay alive it exists that's that's what it is she needs matter you need to you have to have matter otherwise there's nothing there so i want you to tell the boys because we care about you.
You're like our daughter.

Tell the fam.

Tell the family what you said in the car

because it was before the fart.

I thought the fart was immediate.

But the second thing

was a little scary.

So go ahead.

I want to have

more body count to be cool.

Oh my God.

And you know what's so funny?

Watch it.

This is the best part

about this right now.

Fancy has no idea what body count means.

What does body count mean?

Do you know what it means, Fance?

I have no idea.

Take a guess at what she means by that.

I guess you have to count something with your body.

Yes, Fancy.

Thank you very much.

I'm glad he made it.

We got to fire him.

You know, through the transition.

We got to fire him.

I thought he would leave that shit at the old studio. Was the show going well? It was killing.
And then, roadblock. Body count is how many people you've had sex with.
So Rudy is talking about getting her body count up because she wants to sleep around. She wants to be cool.
Is that what you think is going to make people cool? Yeah, Tito Bobby said that he has over 60. What did he say? He has over 60.
His body count's over 60. And he said...
I'm 50 years old. He's old.
And he said, that's cool. And I said, I want to have 60.
And he said, that's not cool. Rudy, he's old.
And he comes from a different time. Different era.
A different era. And also, his body count...
The 1960s were amazing. That was amazing.
It was a free, Free love. Free love, dude.
I think this year is free love. Oh, no.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no.
So you just want to do it just to be cool. So she was like basically saying.
That's not going to make you cool. It's not.
Tito Bobby, Tito Bobby is always saying I'm uncool because I don't know any music that's cool. Okay, okay.
What does that have to do with catching dick? I don't know how to stod my clothes Just because you don't know music doesn't mean just because you go fuck a bunch of people doesn't mean you're going to be cool. That's what T2 Bobby said.
Why? Because I told you to listen to one Beatles album. What the fuck is the problem? Who's the most uncool person in the studio on our team? Who is it? Who is it? Can I say Pete? You can.
Is Pete here? No, Pete died. He died.
You know why? Body count too high. Too much.
He had too much and he got the H-I- He got filled with a Hiv. He left something for you guys before he died.
Pete left us again before he died? Yeah. What'd he leave us? We'll do it at the end.
Okay. Okay.
I'm going to say this. There's so many diseases too.
There's new diseases. There's diseases that weren't around when we were sleeping around.
There's diseases now. There's alfalfa sprout? Alfalfa sprout.
Have you heard of alfalfa sprout? Oh my God. It springs up.
I'll tell you what happens. Okay.
And it happens to young males between 18 and also West Coast guys. It has do with Yeah Humidity or I don't know The dryness combination The desert One or the other I don't know what it is One or the other Yeah But what it is Is alfalfa sprout Is basically He sticks your penis Right In you Right And there's fungi I guess The root is fungi The base is fungi The base is Basically what you'll end up having is have a fungal ecosystem correct that

will sprout yep right and you'll have like mushrooms but you know what shiitake big shiitake mushrooms we love that we'll eat that we'll eat that that's delicious but like well they'll have little little ones little tiny if you ever if you ever walk past a pond still water yeah and you know there's like lily pads but there's also little weird weeds yeah that can start growing out of your chunch.

Yeah, and it burns.

It burns.

Constantly.

24-7.

Fire.

So is this what you want? That's what you want? Give him another disease that came out. Remember the article the other day? Oh, yeah.
Toco Choco. Toco Choco? Toco Choco is insane.
I don't believe that. What do you mean? You could look it up.
You've never talked about Toco Choco. Toco Choco.
It's a disease. We're not online, right? Oh, we're offline.
We're offline. We're offline.
Tell them about Toco. Toco Choco.
Tell them about Toco. Toco Choco.
Listen, this is insane. It's disgusting.
If you've had too many bodies, if your body count is way too high, naturally, right, your choo-choo starts producing its own cacao to make chocolate. Now, in your mind, you go, what do you mean? My puss is making chocolate? That sounds delicious.
No. No.
This is sour, disease-ridden, killer chocolate. So people go down there.
A guy goes down there. He goes, ooh, chocolate.
Guys, toco-choco, gone, right there. Dogs, forget it.
Forget about it. Yeah, a dog can't go down there now.
They'll die immediately. Immediately.
They don't think it's chocolate, right? They die. But here's the thing.
I'll tell you how that happens, though. You know, inside a female's vagina, and we're talking medical, we're not being gross here, right? There's only a number amount of vaginal juice.
Correct. Right? So every time a man, you know, goes inside you, there's only, it's like oil.
You're going to run out of oil. We're like petroleum, right? Your vagina like petroleum.
There's only a certain amount. So what happens is if your body count goes above, you run out of the vaginal juices and you start using organic cacao that your body automatically produces.
So your dogs, you have four dogs, right? Just by them being around you by proxy, they could die They could die So you want to kill your dogs because you want a fucking body count No What's that disease called again Toko choco This podcast is supported by Progressive A leader in RV insurance RVs are for sharing adventures with family, friends and even your pets So if you bring your cats and dogs along for the you'll want Progressive RV Insurance. They protect your cats and dogs like family by offering up to $1,000 in optional coverage for vet bills in case of an RV accident, making it a great companion for the responsible pet owner who loves to travel.
See Progressive's other benefits and more when you quote RV Insurance at Progressive.com today. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.
Pet injuries and additional coverage and subject to policy terms. headspace hey andrew yeah you ever feel like your mind doesn't have an off switch yeah often or that tension is constantly traveling through your body yeah or do you feel tired no matter how much you sleep buddy yes andrew that's just a few of the many ways stress anxiety and sleeplessness can harm your mind and your body i know and this year why not make small changes to your daily routine that have a big influence on your mental health and well-being? We've genuinely talked about mental health on this show.
Yep. Very honestly, we do think everyone should take care of their mental health.
And you can start the new year by trying Headspace. We love Headspace because it's a friendly reminder that anything that costs you your mental health is too expensive and Headspace is affordable.
That's right. That's very important.
And that's the most key here. We all say fine when we don't really mean it.
People say, how are you doing? You say fine. Fine really isn't an emotion, is it? So how many times have you told yourself, I'm fine, we're fine, it's fine, when you really felt as anger or sadness or nerves? And Headspace is scientifically proven to help you manage your feelings and your mental health.
Yeah, how are you feeling today, Andrew? I mean, really, how do you feel? Well, do you want me to tell you? No, because I want to go through this copy. All right, smart.
So go on, have a think, take a bet. If you're feeling hyper or tired or annoyed or just meh, it's time to connect with your feelings by starting your own mental health journey with Headspace.
In fact, a recent study proved in just two weeks, Headspace can reduce your stress by up to 14%. Oh my God.
Hey so whenever i feel uh meh uh i do love using headspace's appreciation course you instantly feel happier about what matters in life which is the relationships that i've cultivated particularly the bad friends family and bobby lee specifically thank you no honestly dude headspace is the greatest app trust me download it for free whether stress, anxiety, or sleep better, or improve your focus, Headspace is your everyday dose of mindfulness for real life. Hey, Andrew, however you're feeling, try Headspace at headspace.com slash badfriends and get one month free of their entire mindfulness library.
This is the best Headspace offer available. So go to headspace.com slash badfriends today.
That's headspace.com slash badfriends. Stitch Fix.
Let me tell you something, Andrew. Tell me, baby.
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People go say to me all the time online. They go, well, you always buy a lot of clothes.
But here's the thing with me. I know what I like, but I don't like shopping.
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I think my form was because i wanted to do it there will be blood kind of vibe i've dig that you know i like kind of like you know weathered down like you know um coal mining right and clothing right yeah and i think i returned out of the whole package maybe one shirt but the rest of them i capped you did i love it yeah well get started today by filling out your style quiz at stitchfix.com slash badfriends. That's stitchfix.com slash badfriends to try Stitch Fix Freestyle.
Stitchfix.com slash badfriends. So look at it like this.
Now, after knowing all this insane stuff, now do you still want a high body count? Can I have 20? No, I just don't. Can we pick them? Yeah, we get to pick them.
If we can pick them. Can we pick the 20? What if you pick ugly? First of all, can I say something about you? I told you this before.
It's not about looks. Look at Kalilah.
Is it about looks for her? Is it about looks? No. Can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a real question? You are handsome, by the way.
God bless you and take care. Can I ask you my card? No.
Please don't. You're my best friend.
Okay. All right.
Can I ask you a serious question? Is Kalaya a beautiful woman? Mm-hmm. When she puts some makeup on, honestly, I know you're related to her.
She's your aunt. But try to step away from it.
Just, is she beautiful?

Pretty.

She is.

One of the prettiest, right?

So pretty.

So you knew her before she met me, right?

What would you imagine her dating?

I can see it.

Tall.

Tall.

Long hair.

Long hair.

Yeah.

Muscles.

With abs.

Abs.

Sporty.

Sporty.

Tall.

Yeah.

She said tall.

I'm saying it again. You can say it again.
Right. Sporty.
Sporty. Tall.
She said tall. I'm saying it again.

You can say it again.

Right.

Sporty.

Right.

And then what does she go to?

Small.

Low.

We say low.

Low.

Low.

Fat.

No.

No.

Chubby.

Chubby.

No.

No.

Rotund.

Round.

Round.

Low.

Round.

Low round. Low.
Round. No.
No. Rotund? Round.
Round. Low.
Round. Low round.
Low. Round.
Sweet. Korean.
Korean. Very specific.
That's a nothing. That's a nothing thing.
He's got hair on his head. That's what you're saying.
No, people like Koreans. All right.
Well, not only. Anyways, one of my points is that she went ugly.
No, she went against the norm. She went against the norm.
Against the norm. That's what we want for you.
That's healthy. All right? So that's what we're going to do for you.
Fred Savage? Fred Savage. You know, I know him.
Should I call him? Do you know Fred Savage? Yeah, I do. You know Fred Savage? Oddly.
He doesn't like me, so let's not call him. Wait, why? Because one time.
He directed a TV show I did one time. That's why.
It's probably the same TV show I auditioned for. What was directing a TV show I was auditioning for the show yeah and I it was one of those auditions where I don't know what happened either he said stop and you kept going or I said I'm done but at one point we didn't finish it it was over it was bad do you know who Fred Savage is? no so aggressive the way she says it fred savage was on a very you know they're remaking that show by the way the wonder years they brought it back do you not know this it's an all-black version of don cheetle's don john don cheetle's doing it that's fred savage he was on a show uh called wonder years and it was i mean it's a class it was a massive classic back to f Okay, back to Fred.
So can I tell you a story about Fred that he won't like me to tell? It's not that big of a deal. Go ahead.
But he was having a tough time directing the show and we shot it in Vegas. What was the show called? Please tell me.
No, no, no. You're not, you didn't audition for this.
It was called Sin City Saints. It was a basketball team in Vegas.
Oh yeah, it's probably that. But, but, so we had to do a scene on the Ferris wheel in Vegas.
Like the, you know that big, huge Ferris wheel? Yeah. And we had to get all the crew loaded up onto there, and they can't stop it.
They couldn't stop it. Please don't show.
Oh, my God. That's the fucking show.
Look at how terrible that is. Yeah.
But also Baron Davis. That's where I met him.
Are you the coach? Yeah, I was the coach. Oh, I have to see the show, man.
It's absolutely. You're the coach of a fucking.
Is that Tom Papa? That's Tom Arnold. Oh, that's Tom Arnold in Arnold that's Tom Arnold that's Mullen Ackerman to my left that's Rick Fox insane anyway look we had to get on one of that Ferris wheel but they can't stop it they legally were like we can't stop it and it goes slow enough you just have to get on so we're like okay we all have to get on the whole crew had to get on and twice twice we couldn't get the whole crew on and little fred savage boy oh boy did he blow up dude snap lost it lost it we get half the crew on and the camera guys and the sound guys couldn't all get on yeah and he was like what's going on why can't i mean dude freaking the fuck out little fred savage and the whole time i'm thinking oh my god wonder years is freaking out i couldn't get it out i was like little little wonder years was freaking out he fucking lost his mind meanwhile i was supposed to have a love scene on there yeah and he was losing it so we got on there and then as we took the trip we missed half the guy so we had to just stand there quietly and it's like 15 minutes to get all the way around so you had to just sit there while he was just wait have you ever been yelled out on a set by another actor? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yes, I have.
I have. Who yelled at you? Jenna Fisher.
On the ABC show? Yeah. What'd you do? Because during her reverse one time, I was reading an article.
So rude. I know.
For people that don't know what he's saying, when they're shooting over his shoulder onto her face, which he was saying was a reverse, you're supposed to be paying attention to the other actor and giving them lines and helping them. Bobby was kind of doing what you're doing right now to me.
You were reading a fucking article in the middle of a scene? We might have to move on because I didn't want this reaction. Crazy mean.
Bad. Bad.
But you know what? What? I love it. Thank you.
Good. Thank you.
Good. That's what I wanted.
My best friend. Where was my best friend there? If the article was good, you got to read it.
It wasn't. It was bad.
What about farts? I don't give a fuck. But still.
Yeah, yeah. So she goes, that's fucking rude, man.
Yeah. Like, I did it for you.
You're like, come on, Jennifer Fisher.

The office.

You're right.

You're a bigger star.

I'm being rude.

You were.

But you know what?

When that happened, it's still kind of fun.

It's very fun.

Because it's weird.

Like, people, you know what I mean?

The people at the art department are kind of being quiet.

Did you feel like a little boy when she yelled at you?

Like, did you feel kind of demeaned?

I felt like a little powerless boy. And I also remember going, thinking to myself, oh, I remember like 12 years ago, you said you would kill a family member just to be in a scene with Jenna Fisher.
And now look at you. And now I'm on a show with her, and I'm being like a fucking dick.
So I don't even know why I said that story, man. I feel fucking bad about it.
I'm sorry, Jenna. It's okay.
It's okay. I'm sorry.
Have you done anything? Who yelled at you? I wanted to hear what you yelled at you. Me, Al Madrigal, and Griff Griff got yelled at by Melissa Leo when we did I'm Dying Up Here.
I mean, lit us up. Like what? For talking in the middle of a scene.
We were talking when the scene was done. All right.
I want to be. Okay.
Can I be you? And then I want to see what she said. Sure.
Okay. I don't know what her lines are, but.
No, no, no, no. This.
I'm. No, I'm you right we're off camera and we're chatting yeah hey man griff good set last time man fuck is it really you like my set yeah i like your set man i'm kidding i don't watch your set oh yeah i don't watch myself hey let's get some tacos hey man it's not lunch man we just got here it's 8 o'clock call time I want tacos we don't have tacos man craft service craft service we go to craft service and I'm like hmm hey Andrew you wonder if can I rub my fingers against these fruit roll-ups? You know what I like to do? Everyone, I like to come here and touch all the little foods on the craft service.
And I don't let anybody, you know what I mean, get clean food. Anyway, we got a TV show.
It's great, man. So anyway, are you going to interrupt? She hasn't come in yet.
She hasn't come in yet. Are you going to interrupt? She didn't come in yet.
Why are you gonna interrupt she's still she hasn't come in yet she hasn't come in yet she didn't come in yet so much more happened before so much happened before she interrupted it was like another hour he's gonna be so mad at hearing that yeah he's not gonna be happy anyway baby so um let's just now interrupt i'll keep going but you interrupt okay so anyway uh dude what is where's that woman where's that woman that's on the show that's supposed to interrupt us baby what's up tacos tacos she still hasn't come in yet I know but honestly honestly dude if she doesn't come in in like five seconds if she doesn't come in five seconds we, we're done with the bit. All right, go ahead.
I will. I'm going to drink some electrolytes.
Drink some electrolytes. Okay.
So anyway, Andrew. Yeah.
You think I got sickle cell? You know, because Bob picks up me all the time about it. She jokes around.

You feel sick of yourself?

I've been having some pains on my side.

I've been having some sickly pains on my side.

Fucking interrupt me, motherfucker. I don't think she comes in.

Motherfucker, man.

Excuse me.

Yeah?

We're still in the scene.

What's so important?

What's so important? Outside. If you need to talk, go outside.
Is there anything you'd like to say? Go outside. That's what she said? Oh, in that frame, that was what it was.
And me? That doesn't seem that bad. Oh, dude, she lit us up.
It was so unnecessary. We were way off camera.
We were nowhere near the scene. And then what did you guys say to yourselves? Oh, we look like little children.
I mean, the moment that she was like, excuse me, all of us were like little children. Grown at Al Madrigal.
You know, we're all Mr. He's Mr.
Tough Guy. The moment she came over and did that whole thing, all of us like little bitches were like, mumbling, like kids.
Yeah, no, she embarrassed. It was embarrassing embarrassing Kim Cattrall did that to me it's embarrassing Kim Cattrall did I've had I've had a lot of are you gonna go back to Sex and the City is it it's not it's not done is it done I don't know what's going on it came out I haven't seen a single one not one my buddy told me he saw you last night and

he actually enjoyed your stuff on it he said you did good thank you but um but wait i thought it's back isn't it going aren't you going back this year no they said if they i don't they don't have a pickup for the second season i don't know what's going on but i don't know what i would do i don't make decisions because the most i'll tell you i'll be honest with you it's 2022 i'm doing a lot of reflection.

Okay.

And the reflection is this.

Number one, when'll tell you, I'll be honest with you. It's 2022.
I'm doing a lot of reflection.

Okay.

And the reflection is this. Number one, when I turned 50, I got really depressed and I'm going through something right now.
I'm going through a depression or whatever. So, um, so I've been doing a lot of, um, internal, like what am I, what, what do I want to do? What direction would I want to take? You know? We, let's talk about it.
And I realized, number one, the most important thing for me right now is TB and be bad friends. Those are my two number one, my creative outlets that I want to do.
Yeah. These are things that are what I want to do for the next couple of years.
Number one.

That's my number one thing.

Number two, I want to get back, get an hour back together.

So in 2023, I can really tour hard. And I want to, because Bob died, I just want to be a better guy.
You know, I think that if you look at why people reacted the way they did to Bob Dine, it's basically he's down deep down inside just a really nice guy and a mensch. And he was real.
He was a really nice, just a guy that everyone loved. And I'm like, that's something to aspire to, man.
Don't you think you're that now? I think I could be better I think that I can like if I poo in my underwear throw it in the fucking green room Sackett did that all the time I know but Sackett didn't go to a dwarf and go what do I do? no that's true he doesn't talk I take it to the next level i take it mythological you yeah i take it like i take it like you know very like narnia i narnia like if i poo whatever right i have a poo situation right poo such i could call you but instead i go willow you know and it's like why do i go willow because you know i and that's why i want to be a better person okay you don't know willow willow is but it was a very funny reference very funny reference so this is a story that i've it's very old but it popped up on my feet again the other day and made me laugh this woman ellenum kerrigan this is eleanor my eyes are bad this woman woke up with a Chinese accent. She literally is British and she woke up with a Chinese accent.
I'm serious. Sarah Colwell from Plymouth in England is a dead set poem who now sounds like she's from Shanghai.
It wasn't until I was in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. She actually said, are you aware of the way you're speaking? And I said, are you aware of the way you're speaking? She said, no, are you saying that? She has a better Asian accent than I do.
By far. All right, stop this video.
Wait, wait. I want to see what she just said.
I want to see if I can do it. Hold on.
Just do her. Just get rid of it, because that's too many women.
Just you two.

Woman wakes up with Chinese accent.

Just her. Are you aware of the way you are speaking?

Are you aware of the way you are speaking?

Can you do it?

Are you aware of the way you are speaking?

Can I do it?

Go!

Am I the best?

Let's see.

I don't think you can.

Are you aware of how...

Oh my God, he's so good.

...how you're speaking of...

You're so good at it!

...speaking of...

How about you, Juliana? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Try, try. You're so good at it.
Speaking of. How about you, Juliana?

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Try, try.

I'm so proud.

Try.

Okay.

This is so weird to ask an Asian to do an Asian accent.

I know.

You can't do one, but go ahead.

I can't.

All right, you do it, then I'll copy it.

Hello. Wait.
it. Hello.

Wait.

Hello.

How are you?

How are you?

I feel good.

Oh.

I feel good.

Are you aware that you are speaking?

Are you aware that you are speaking?

Nothing's better than watching Asians in Asian accents. That was pretty fucking good.
That was pretty good. That was pretty good.
Just do your dad. When you do your dad, that's an Asian accent.
Do your dad. Do my dad now, right? I'll do it, right? Are you? Wait.
Stop there. Stop there.
Yeah. Wait, wait, let me.
Oh, edit time. Bobby.
Bobby, are you aware? Bobby, are you aware? Pretty good. That you are.
That you are. Speaking.
Speaking. Fucking great, do it now Dad I miss you I'm back from the dead I came back for you Daddy why you dead I miss you so much.
Very good. Thank you.
Let me ask you something. Is there a village? Let me ask you something.
Is there a village in China? With just a lot of these people? No, where a Chinese person wakes up and goes, Hello, how are you? With a British accent. Oh, my God.
Can you imagine? That happens? This is the Bad Friends movie. I wake up one day and I have a Korean accent.
you wake up an irish accent i can't do an irish accent can you be something else try it just give me a line again we tried i know i can't do it how about this we'll do write the script but i will go take a class or something we tried irish you can do irish remember remember conor mcgregor perfect perfect say say con Conor McGregor perfect say Conor McGregor Conor McGregor Conor McGregor I've got I need to go to the shop I need to go to the shop perfect Conor McGregor Conor McGregor just say that the whole movie I need to go to the shop anytime someone asks you something just respond just respond with Conor McGregor yeah Conor McGregor Conor McGregor Conor McGregor so when I ask you something in the movie and I wake up Conor McGregor Conor McGregor. Yeah.
Conor McGregor. Conor McGregor.
Conor McGregor. So when I ask you something in the movie and I wake up.
Conor McGregor. Conor McGregor.
Perfect. That's the movie.
That's the movie. Because I wake up with a Korean accent.
He wakes up with an Irish accent. Maybe.
Battle. We like a lot of accents and languages on this show.
You know, but the thing is, is that they're surface. Yeah.
And you and I can go deeper we can go way deeper and i think the thing is you and i have the same and i honestly our fans are smart people yeah they are they get it yeah and our fans would really take advantage of babble i'm telling you guys right now you guys want to be worldly right you guys want to learn a different language this is the easiest way to do it my friends 15 minute lessons right? You guys want to learn a different language. This is the easiest way to do it, my friends.
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Come on. I'm carrying a credit card debt balance month after month.
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Or can we do, how about this? can we do like a freaky friday like a freaky friday where i'm andrew and i'm you so good you wake up i wake up next to your wife you wake up next to kalilah done done right good swap she's an actress who will hire somebody will she can cast it but um that's yeah yeah it's fine maybe we'll get someone olivia munn maybe olivia munn is going to be your wife. No, no.
Olivia Munn is more Kalilah because she has agent. Oh, yes.
Olivia Munn would be mine. She's Kalilah.
And who are you playing? I mean, who's your wife? Mine will be. Since I'm the one that has to do the scenes with her, can I cast it? You're going to cast my wife? Yeah, yeah.
All right, so who do you wake up with then? If I wake up with your wife. Gal Gadot.
Gal Gadot? Yeah. No, I don't get Olivia Munn for you get Gal Gadot.
That's not fair. I'm not saying she's not.
I'm just saying Gal Gadot is foreign. I get foreign too then.
We're going to fuck her up though. I want foreign.
If you get foreign, I get foreign. Well, you get to choose.
I'm the one that chose. I get Gal Gadot.
You choose. Okay.
So if I get Olivia Munn. No, no, I'm sorry.
If you get Gal Gadot, then your wife has to be. But Gal Gadot's your wife, you fuckface.
I know, but you get to sleep with her in this movie. That's true.
Go ahead. That's true.
That's true. All right.
So then my wife that you get in this movie. Oh, no.
Your wife that I get in this movie would be. Penelope Cruz.
Penelope you fancy Penelope Cruz yeah that's good Penelope Cruz Penelope Cruz but can I but I insist right that you dye your hair black throw it out then you have to dye your hair orange we're gonna do we're gonna put little green I'm gonna put little green strips right around your eyes. Okay.
Little green here. We'll fix it in post.
Okay. Right? We'll CGI it in post.
You mean to pull my eyes down? We have to. What do you mean? They use tape now.
Have you ever seen it? I want to CGI it. It's not good enough for me.
Oh, okay. It's got to be a slit.
Imagine a slit. With me? I'm in.
With black and long black hair. In.
In, dude. And I'm going to have the red hair, white, translucent.
Pasty, shitty skin. Pasty skin.
Shitty, pasty skin. Just pasty, red.
Disgusting. Disgusting red.
Splotchy skin. Splotchy.
And a big red nose. Yeah, and I propose a 30-minute love scene.
Because I'll tell you why. I know you do 30-minute sessions.

Just about.

I've heard it.

I've heard it from the rumor mill, man.

Wait a minute.

How long do your sessions go?

Three.

Minutes?

Seconds.

What?

Yeah, three pumps, dude.

However long three pumps is.

But can I say something?

You know what, by the way? They're long pumps.

And no talking about sex anymore

because old body count over here is getting ideas.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

My bad.

My bad body count.

Are you dating right now?

No.

Are you on dating apps?

Yes, she is.

Yeah.

Rude.

What are you on?

Nothing.

Okay.

What?

Bumble.

She's on Bumble.

You're on Bumble?

I'm on Bumble.

What do you on?

Nothing.

I just want to talk to them.

What? But what app are you on? Oh, that's us oh that's great what is hinge hinge can i read one no can we do this we would i'd love i love doing this let me read one i love going on to somebody's um dating app let's answer and saying yes to things please like seeing guys and. I like swiping.
Can we do that? Let's talk about your toes. Why pink? What's up, man? Well, why pink? Why not? I'm not judging.
I'm just saying why was the pink of the choice? Because I just, it was the brightest color. Who painted them? The lady.
The Vietnamese lady down the street. So when you go in to get your nails done, are they surprised that you're going to get your nails done, your feet painted? The lady, I have to go to this one specific lady because she knows about my thing.
Right. And she uses a gigantic metal thing like this.
To shave your feet down? Yeah, but she brings this from a storage closet somewhere. When she walk in, they all look at it like, right? So she has to run to go get the...
Now, is her name Bang Bai? I think so. Bang Bai, Bang Bai.
Right? She goes, oh, hatchet will come in. Yeah.
Hatchet, hatchet. Right, right? They start yelling hatchet.
He brings the thing, right? And five people, they start scraping. To shaw it off.
Dude, I'm telling you right now, dude. My left foot, this much of skin.
Right? And you know what's great about that? Can I tell you what you do with the skin? No. May I? May I? Bobby.
You put it in a bowl. Just hear me out, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You dry it out outside. Just hear me out, right? And it'll get to the point where you touch it in a bowl just hear me out right you dry it out outside just hear me out right and it'll get to the point where you touch it it'll still it'll crisp automatically right it'll almost like instantaneous like a tortilla chip what you do is you take a piece of chicken you take a piece of chicken right and you take and you put your your favorite spices.
Yeah. What do you like? Are you a barbecue? Yeah.
You're a barbecue? Yeah, put some cumin in there. Yeah, cumin and barbecue? How about cayenne peppers? Love.
Love it, right? That's what it'll do for you. Habanero.
So I take – so what I do is I take the chicken, right? I put it in a bowl, right? And I take the spices and I marinate. I rub it.
I rub the spices into the chicken. Sounds good to me.
Just the chicken into the sounds good to me just the chicken though yeah right then what i do is right i take the chicken and i put i take egg egg you know what i mean yeah right as an adhesive yes i understand i take the chicken put in the egg right then you take and you use it as a crust the feet you take that you put the feet crust as a breading as a breading chicken bread has a breading dude that's so gross how much would it cost you to eat your foot crusted chicken yeah because it does pile up like that i haven't done the other stuff but it's like what would that what would that take you ever eat his foot crusted chicken? I think if you fry it, you won't be able to. No, this is baked.
This is baked. Not baked.
But what did we just get? Air fryer. You did? What did we do last night? We fried chicken.
What kind of breading was it? Was it foot breading? No, What's it called? Panko. Panko.
Panko crust, yeah.

We used panko.

Delicious.

It looks just like my foot cross though.

Do you think you could sneak it in

and they wouldn't know the difference?

I swear to God I could.

Do it.

I want you to do it

and see if she could tell.

I won't trust him.

How about this?

If I 50-50 it.

Oh,

half and half.

If I 50-50,

right.

Would you know that you think?

And planca. What is it? What's up? Pank would you know that you think and planca

what is it

what's up

panko

panko

but planca too

panko planca

panko planca

and foot crust

would you try it

yeah

I want you to try it

no way

this ninja air flyer fire

is so good

I know I want one so bad

I've seen them all over the place

they're so

will you buy me something

for my birthday

can I ask for something

yeah what is it

will you buy me

a black stone

flat top

like an outdoor

hibachi grill you know the flat top fuck yeah man where you get those outside oh on the internet but they're thousands of dollars i think how much are they the blackstone flat how about this as a team as a team we'll talk about when his birthday comes out and then we'll talk about it see but okay they're only a couple hundred dollars for hundred dollars for that, but I want like the build out. Like they do like a build out one.

It's really nice.

And they like build it into like a thing.

Not yet.

See, that's, that's fine.

I want the one that's like built.

I want it built onto my patio.

Yeah.

But then what do we do?

Then you can come over and I can cook everything on the Blackstone.

Dude, I can, I can literally cook eggs and cheeseburgers at the same time.

Flat tops are the best.

Like hibachi. You've been to a hibachi restaurant, right? Yeah.
We went in fucking, we went in Mexico. Remember like, what's it called? Garbage, you mean? What do you mean? I love hibachi grill.
They flip the shrimp at you. The food that we went to Mexico? I know, I'm saying the experience is fun.
It wasn't a good experience. No, the hibachi.
Oh, you didn't do the hibachi with us. I didn't do the hibachi.
No, you didn't. We did that.
That's the problem. Don't you? What's it called? Why can't I think of it? What's the one that Steve Aoki's dad owns? Benihana.
Yeah, remember that? That's great. I went to Benihana with Amir and Sarah the other day.
It's still open? Yeah. I thought they closed that down.
No, we went to the Orange County one in fucking Orange County. Because you were doing Irvine.
Midnight, yeah, Irvine. And they have LA river shrimp.
Shut the fuck up. We didn't eat it.
Shrimp from the river. Bro, it was like LA river shrimp where me, Sarah, and Amir, on our plate, we didn't touch it.
Ask them. It was ghetto, dude.
At the Benihana. Yeah.
We were like throwing at each other. We were using it as like weapons.
LA river shrimp? It was terrible. Buffy.
The greatest thing you've ever done for me. Started the show with you.
The second greatest thing you've ever done for me. Given you a Buffy.
No. Hmm? No.
What is it? You kissed me on the lips once. I did kiss you on the mouth.

Yeah. Number three.
Yeah. Buffy.
That's right. And Buffy makes bedding that is super comfy and super sustainable.
Everybody's had sleepless nights. You know what we're talking about.
The bedding industry, all right, has had an impact on the environment. So they decided to change it.
Their products are made using only renewable and recycled materials, which makes them soft on the planet as they are on your bed and your body.

This morning, I made myself a burrito. You love burritos.
What I take is I take a Buffy comforter, right, and I go to the edge of it, and I go, burrito, and I wrap myself in it. And now I'm a tube of comfort.
A little Korean kimchi burrito. Kimchi, maybe not.
There's no kimchi in there? No. You don't have kimchi in your bed right now? In the jar, but not like just thrown around.
I know, but it's right next to your bed. My point.
The cloud cover is covered in ultra breathable eucalyptus fabric. It's softer than cotton and naturally soothes the skin.
It's sustainable. Eucalyptus, as you know, we've talked about it, uses 10 times less water than cotton to grow its fiber, and it's produced using recyable earth-friendly solvents it's machine washable andrew you better believe it the inside fill of each comforter is made from 100 percent recycled water bottles that are transform and given a second life like a super fluffy fiber it feels even softer andrew then down while keeping approximately 50 bottles out of landfills and oceans that sounds incredible man you could try a comforter in your own bed for free, and if you don't love it, you can return it

at no cost, but you will love it, right?

Because Bobby loved it. For $20 off your

Buffy comforter, visit Buffy.co

and enter Bad Friends.

That's right. $20 off your Buffy comforter.
Visit Buffy.co

and enter the code BADFRIENDS!

Anyway, um...

By the way...

Did you see Old?

No, but you know what I did see? What? Don't Look Up. Loved it.
Yeah, it was good. To be honest.
It was good. I loved it.
No, I did like it. But can I be honest? Leonardo DiCaprio is the best actor of our generation.
I'll say it. Done.
Go ahead, Fancy. Argue with me, you fucking film student.
It's pretty good. I think DiCaprio.
No, him. I didn't say the movie.
I'm saying he's the best actor of my generation he's great since i've been alive on earth name someone that's made more hits more bangers huh what's eating guilford grape basketball diaries titanic well tommy cruz catch me if you can't how many cruz not the same generation i've just named four bangers tom cruise does mission impossibles great but what else okay what else fancy Cruise done? Top Gun. The Mummy.
Top Gun, a remake of an original that he did before? It's going to be the number one movie ever. I know.
It's going to be great. I'm saying, you're not giving me an array of different kinds of acting.
Magnolia. All right, fine.
Fuck. Heath Ledger.
Born of the Fourth of July. Heath Ledger.
Heath Ledger's dead. He died.
He died. What else did you say about, what else did Tom Cruise do? Magnolia.
Oh, come on. Birth of the Fourth of July.
Dude, that's right. Born on the Fourth of July.
So the movie that I want to watch tonight were like, you think all of these are better than all the ones that I just named? Tropic Thunder. Tropic Thunder was not, first of all, Robert Downey Jr.
was the best character in that whole movie. How did he not get canceled? For doing blackface.
But not just blackface. The whole movie.
Because the joke was about doing the joke. I know, it's great.
But that's why I loved... Did you see...
Ben Stiller was better, by the way. Did you see Licorice Pizza? No, I want to go.
I want to show you a scene. In blackface? That's worse.
Than blackface? It's funny. So they have a scene in it.
It's just like the thing that you showed me, okay? Where... So but he's in best in show you see best in show yeah eugene levy no he plays michael keaton's husband in it boyfriend oh the two gay guys michael mckeen um john michael higgins john michael higgins is so fucking funny in the in the movie he plays a restaurant a japanese restaurant owner a white guy but he's partnered with his wife who has an Asian accent.
She's Japanese. She's Japanese, right? So when he's talking to other people, he has a regular English accent.
He's American. But when he talks to his wife, he talks to her in a thick Asian accent.
Maybe she loves that. I know, but in the movie, it's so big.
And I saw that with me, my brother, and Gene Hung. We're all Asians, right? And when we saw that, we go, oh my God, it's that guy.
And then when he did that, us three, we fell on the ground holding our sides, laughing, and we don't know why. It's that bad.
The accent's that thick. It's that funny.
That's so good. It's such a cool choice.
Small choice. Yeah, it's a perfect little choice.
And it's a choice that you would never make in this climate. But they did.
But they made a choice and that's why I love them. The movie's really good, huh? It's not, it's got some, it's great.
And I think thatilip steemore hoffman's son kills it oh what's his name his name is cooper hoffman his his first movie his first movie he's ever done his son yeah look at them watch a basketball game together baseball game together the him that's me that's his son that's actually me yeah's you. And Cooper is the star of the movie.
And he's dope. And look at Magnolia.
Philip Seymour Hoffman is one of the greatest actors of all time, was in the movie Magnolia. He died.
He worked with Paul Thomas Anderson. Paul Thomas Anderson does Licorice Pizza and uses his son as the lead.

That's so cool.

It's amazing.

And his son's a great actor, huh?

Great.

And that girl from Haim, she's great.

Yeah.

It's a great movie.

I loved it.

They're Jewish, you know.

Who is?

The Haim.

They're all Jew.

They all got the Jew, babe.

They got it.

And you know what?

When I look at it I go I want it

to be Jewish? don't you want to be like

hipster Jew? no

I do I don't look Jewish

no but don't you want to be? no I'm fine with me

I want to do the curl

that's not hipsters don't do the fucking curl

I would do it I would do orthodox

combo hip

orthodox hip? yeah type in orthodox

chic see if there's an orthodox chic

look that's going around right now

orthodox Jewish chic

Thank you. bow hip orthodox hip yeah do type in orthodox chic see if there's an orthodox chic look that's going around right now orthodox jewish chic look at that oh hip jews dude welcome back to hip jews yeah jews hip jews it has to be sung by a german guy for some reason if you can be anything rudy what would you be if you could be any other race or nationality what would you be I want to be are you really happy with what you are Japanese you want to be Japanese like why right behind you look at that that's what she wants to be so bad she wants to be that that little Japanese girl with huge eyes yeah and a nose that doesn't exist but can I say something a little bloody knife the only difference I'm gonna be so mean right now please do you want you want me to be? Yeah.
Or do you want me to be healthy? Well, we'll do healthy later. Okay.
The only difference is the poo color skin. Do you really think it's poo? No.
It's beautiful. Bring up a picture of poo.
Bring up a picture of poo. It's a beautiful color.

Just do poo.

Do human feces.

Yeah, human feces.

I don't think you're right, Bob, but let's just see images.

Jules, I love you so much.

All right, bring up that first picture.

Bring up that first photo.

That color looks like it's too Bobby.

Not me.

Wait, make that as big as you can. Wide that up.
All right, Jules, get up there and put your arm against it. Put your arm against it.
Please put your arm against it. Oh, it's the Wikipedia one.
All right, there you go. Why is it fancy? It's official poop.
Oh. Let's just see if that's close.
No, it's not. Oh, my God.
That's the same color. That under white skin is so the same color.
That's the exact same color. That's the same.
Jules, where are back up there. Jules, just go in front of the...
Jules, go in front of the... Where are you? Oh my God, you're gone.
She's gone. She camouflaged.
Where did you go? Oh my God. You know what it reminds me of? When Rambo...
Remember Rambo when he came out of the... When he was hidden on the cliff at mud? Couldn't see him.
Couldn't see him. And his eyes opened up.
You think that looks,

I think all of us have poo-colored skin.

It's some kind of very,

like go back to the main page.

I guarantee you Bobby has,

there's poop that exists.

Let's see.

No, it's too white.

Yeah, you're not dark enough.

You're not dark enough.

That's why I love this stuff.

You can see me, can't you?

I still see you now.

Go back to the main page of Human Feces. I bet you there's a piece of poop that looks just like you.
Look at the second one. The second one looks kind of Bobby.
All right, let's go. That's kind of...
Just pinch and squeeze. Oh my God.
I'm not going to lie. That looks a lot...
The same. That looks the same.
That's the same i can't see you where are you bobby there you are see if there's orange poop to see if there's one for me bloody poop am i bloody poop yeah your bloody poo light bloody poo i think there's a lot of orange poop right there there's the there's not on that page right now. There it is.
The worst guy. Go here.
Go here. Which one? That one? Yeah.
All right. Let's see.
Andrew. Oh.
Oh, Mike. Andrew.
Andrew. Yeah.
Yeah. You're part of it.
Yeah. You're the edge of it i'm bloody poo you're bloody poo dude anywho so you'd be japanese if you could be any race or nationality what would you be what would you be you know i you know i've thought about like seriously where i could i think i could have been um born in can a lake by white people that have something to do with forestry.
Like you mean like National Park Preserver people? What's that vibe? Hippies. Hippies.
Yeah. I want to be like if I see a tree fall, it sheds a tear.
You shed a tear. Yeah.
Like every time I'm driving on the sea, I see a tree that's fallen. I shed a tear and I go.
In fact, I get out of the car. You get out of the car? Yeah, I want to be one of those guys.
I get out of the car, I go to the side of the tree, I go to the street and I just tears and just, I put my hand on it. God bless you, tree.
God bless you. And I just kind of, there's still some life energy.
So you're saying you'd want to be white. Yeah, just a white person.
Is that what it is? I just want to be white. What do you think I want to be? If I could be any race or nationality? Black.
Okay. Both of you.
Black. Why do you say black so fast? You're so good at the accent.
I'm good at the black accent. The black scent.
You're good with a lot of accents. But I'm good with a lot of accents.
I would like to be black. I want to tell people, there a lot of accents I would like to be black I want to tell people There was a Magnum P.I.
I would love to be black There was a Magnum P.I. episode That they wrote a part for Andrew Yeah Okay it came out Yeah Andrew First of all this is not all the way true Yeah this is what happened They didn't write a part for me Yes they did No it never got to me It did go to you No it never did Oh my god it did i swear to god they did because my the executive producer is my eight my friend my agent never gave me the role i never got your agent goes they ask go can we get some tape on andrew just anything because we know he's on day we know he's an actor he's been in a million things right and your friends your your agent sent him like a clip from like jack not jackass what's that a punk that was maybe him saying fuck you I think that's what that was right but there was a part but it came out it would have been great but because there was some violence between us can I see it later maybe you would have been good but I didn't ever get the other guy was great I didn't get offered the role his name is Leaf he.
He was great. He was better than you.
Anyway. Leaf?

Yeah. His real name?

Yeah. Really good, man.

L-E-I-F or L-E-A-F? I don't know, man.

Well, I should know how to spell a guy's name that you

work with. I never got the role.

But also, don't ask for tape.

Get the fuck out of here.

You're difficult. No, get the fuck out of here.

You're difficult. You know what I

when I went to the Hello? Tape? Get the fuck out of here you're difficult you know what i when i went when i went hello tape get the fuck out of here get the fuck out of here tape tape that's true we talk about practice fuck out of here i know that's insane what the fuck do you mean tape i'll take a phone call like i think i didn't say any of this but that's my agent being like that's insane and he's right that is fucking insane what do you mean what do you mean did you have to put in tape for Magnum PI no that's true yeah get the fuck out of here okay anyway no stop what a great show don't be mean I love it but I wish I would have done the show because I would have liked to go to Hawaii with you but next season I'll do it I would love to do next season don't ask for fucking tape'm telling no tip that's insane i don't realize can i can i go back to something real fast just so i just so we can kind of can round this out real fast genuinely go ahead i'm dead serious the body count thing no you better not be thinking that this is like we're all having fun and then you're gonna go out there and you're gonna go do it and go nuts not only that it's like i'm serious i'm serious too here's the worst nightmare i'm not gonna be pregnant yeah oh my fucking god and they were like what the fuck do you want from us well you do live on a hill that's true or roll i'm gonna push I'm gonna roll nudge

yeah yeah

what's the gift

that Pete gave us

what did he give us

oh first of all

is Pete no longer with us

I'll be honest

alright Pete

he died

he died

but he left something

oh come on

you fucking

all you did was shit on Pete

hey

also

but look at this

we wanted to shout this out

real fast

this is a piece of

our new art for Bad Friends

Rudy's Revenge

that I think is fucking

incredible that we got

what's the gentleman's name

he has a

a car for Rudy

Let's go. this um we wanted to shout this out real fast this is a piece of our new art for bad friends rudy's revenge that i think is fucking incredible that we got what's the gentleman's name he has a card for rudy there's a card for rudy yeah everything oh my god rudy will you read what the card says to rudy and the bad friends family that's us it's a lot a lot of words show the camera how many words no i wanted to read it in an accent.
What's his accent? No. Boston.
Oh, yeah, Boston. I think he's from Boston.
He's going to give you a template, and you're going to base it, and you're going to commit to it, and you're going to do it, and we're going to close out the show and we're going to get it to go home. Look at how many, look at how long that fucking note is.
Yeah. Just do it as best you can.
His name is Colin Beck. We'll give her an example of a Boston Asking Boston Colin Beck Talks like this bro So hey I'm Colin Beck dude Bad friends for life Go ahead Can you do it again? No Go ahead Go ahead Go ahead Ready Kennedy? What the fuck? No she said ready Rudy oh Rudy oh fuck alright that sounds like Kennedy yeah it did Kennedy yeah yeah the best dude fuck what the fuck this sounds like JFK JFK never change I don't you're killing it're doing great.
How you enjoy the fan art.

Yeah.

That's it.

For Rudy.

What does it say for the rest of us?

Andrew and Bobby.

Love you both.

Love the show.

Always hilarious.

It's very California now.

Yeah.

Oh, say it again.

Just do surfer stuff now. Yeah, what's that Fuck yeah man.
Your bath needs to change your tune. You got a little sheep thing.
I love it. About anime.
I realize it's wonders. Wonders? I don't know.
W. Wounders.
So in the house, you'll give it a real chance. I've gifted your ass a movie to watch.
Rudy, Roddy, you already know it's out. So yours is just a bonus gift.
Now she has a speech impediment. I don't know.
You killed it.

Great job.

Wait, what's the movies that you got?

Yeah.

I want a movie.

The Girl Who Leaps Through Time.

I want this.

Cool.

Guess we don't get to choose.

And then.

There's a host of the show

and we don't get to choose.

Yours is Red Line.

Ooh, throw it.

Just throw it.

Great movie.

Give me one.

Yours is Mind Game to Bobby. Oh.
Give me one Yours is mind game To Bobby Oh Give me one again That looks cool Thank you Colin Beck Thanks dude Appreciate you Now that we're on gifts What did Pete give us? Alright It's cause He actually Wrote you guys a song Happy 100th dude Yeah Happyth episode. How do you do it? Twist the bottom.
Don't point it at my fucking face. You twist the bottom.
It was that one. Yeah, he twisted the wrong way Give me another one Rudy you have one Twist yours Is it this way? Twist yours No no no Is it this way? Yeah This way Yeah Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Do not- Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha one second.
Let's get the streamer down. Hold on.
All right, Pete. What do you got to say i should listen to it all right start it over so wait did pete is this is pete pete's not dead we just want to tell the fans he has covid yep he has oh my god all right let's see Hey Bobby and Andrew, I wrote you this song

As it owed you 100 episodes

And I hope you learned that I'm proud to Oh my god. You didn't give up at the end like Betty White.
I bet she gave up. She was really old.
And she lived a long life before she stepped into the light. And I hope that Friends has the longevity of Betty White.
And love like Betty White even in the afterlife. Because Bad Friends is a continuing stroke of genius that gets us through life.
Unlike the stroke of Betty White. That's where we have more laughs to give.
Before it leaves us behind. Like we're Betty White.
So glad I'm here to spend 100 with you in 2022. Unlike you now.
Thank you, Pete. We love you, man.
Love you, Pete.

We love you, Petey.

Miss him.

Well, hey, man.

Just like the old school days.

Are you all right?

I got electrocuted.

There's no electrical charge in there.

Dude, I punched this, my finger in there, and I got electrocuted.

Do it again.

See if it doesn't work.

No, I'm not going to do it again.

It hurts so bad.

Do it again.

There's no way it's real.

Do it.

Stick your finger in there.

Give it to me.

No, I want you to stick your finger in there. I don't want you to hold it.
Do it again. There's no way it's real.
Do it. Stick your finger in there.
Give it to me. No, I want you to stick your finger in there.

I don't want you to hold it.

That's insane.

Nothing? No. I'm kidding.

One, two, three.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

So fun.