Bobby Cries & Rudy Becomes Jules

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Eric Griffin and I ate pizza last night no I know you guys ate pizza but then after you ate pizza he ate again with us no no he had two gigantic slices of pepperoni and jalapeno pizza and then I go you want more oh no man good and you didn't finish yours and he finished yours he finished then mine I know he told me that oh he did yeah and I go and then he did a yawn. Yeah, well, he got- Oh, he went, oh, man.
I'm so full. I'm so full, Ty.
Bobby. Right? I go, where are you going? He goes, I'm going home.
Yeah, he didn't go home. He went to get more tacos.
Well, because I brought up Kevin Hart last night. Do you know that? You know Kevin came to the store? Yeah, I heard.
So I brought up Kevin, then he- He was at the Laugh Factor because Spencer wanted me to go say hi to him at the Laugh Factor. I didn't go.
And then they showed up at the store. They showed up at the store.
Also, I brought him on and the crowd thought I was kidding because he didn't get on stage for three minutes. I stood with the curtain open for three minutes.
That's hilarious. So people were laughing because I kept going like this.
They thought it was really funny. They thought, oh, he's- Wait, somebody got bumped.
Yeah. Who got bumped? Well, Lisa Traeger never showed up.
No, she was canceled. Oh, she did? of gone and then yeah Steven Fury he got bumped yeah yeah funny guy though you know what he said in the green room to Kevin Hart did you hear this this is really funny what did Steven Fury say Steven goes you don't have an arena you can go play no did he really swear to god he is so funny I love Steven that dude's so funny you don't have an arena that you wanna to go play? But he said it like kind of like, I wasn't there.
He said it again to me. Chris Spencer was like, it was very funny.
Yeah. But I guess he said it.
He was like, so you don't, there's no, there's no Scotiabank. You can't go do the United Center or the fucking, the crypto.com isn't open tonight.
And then he went on and, but so Griff stayed, watched Kevin'svin's set yeah and then came outside i was outside with with fahim and aristotle aristotle's in town uh he told me not to tell you fuck he told me not to tell you why did he tell you know what that's really weird i'm gonna call it right now but he did say don't tell me i don't think he hates you i don't know if he likes you but that's not good but those are two different things i know but i'd rather be one or the other., don't tell Bobby. Does he hate me? I don't think he hates you.
I don't know if he likes you. But that's not good.

But those are two different things.

I know, but I'd rather be one or the other.

I don't want to be in the middle.

I don't know.

Being in the middle is kind of fun.

I don't like it, no. You shake it up a little bit.

No, because then I have to prove myself.

How about this?

Do you like her or hate her?

Rudy.

I love Rudy.

I know, but you don't like her.

I hate her.

See?

Yeah, I hate her.

So you love her, but you hate her.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so that's in the middle. I see how that works.
All right, let's call Stott and see why he don't like her. I hate her.
See? Yeah, I hate her. So you love her, but you hate her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so that's in the middle.

I see how that works.

All right, let's call Stott and see why he didn't pick up.

Yeah.

He's going to go, hey, I'm on SNL now.

Don't put me on the fucking.

He's been acting real.

I know, I can tell.

Like he's a hot shot.

I want to say something.

I want to ask him something.

I watched the Beatles documentary, by way It was amazing I gotta force her to do it Fuck him She's Yoko to us 100% Oh she's Yoko There's a scene She's Yoko to everyone There's a scene where they're Do you know who the Beatles are? Yeah but I don't understand Who Yoko is Bring up a picture of Yoko Ono Yokooko Ono literally destroyed the Beatles. No, she made it better.
Oh, really? Her singing is amazing. Come on, dude.
So Yoko Ono, right there, Yoko married John Lennon. Yeah.
And forced the Beatles to literally shatter. They were already shattering a bit.
He said, I got to call you back. So he'll call us back.
Oh, he's talking to his high powered agent now. Dude, ever since he went to New York.
Yeah. He's been different.
Yeah. He, he smokes a pipe now.
Oh my God. He walks fifth Avenue and smokes a pipe.
Like Moriarty, Moriarty, Moriarty, Moriarty, Moriarty, Moriarty, Moriarty, Moriarty. He's getting a little too famous.
Yeah. A little too big.
No, but here's what happened. Explain Yoko Ono to her and what Yoko really is.
So Yoko was an artist. Yeah.
He was a street artist from Japan. Correct.
She met John in New York, I believe. And he wandered into some, you know, exhibition.

Somewhere in the village, I'm sure.

Yeah, yeah.

And they met.

And she knew who he was, but she was really confident.

I think she's just eclectic is a good word.

Yeah.

So she probably didn't care.

She didn't care.

So anyway, they start dating and she starts showing up at rehearsals.

She's everywhere.

Kind of like you are you yeah to us and then she started giving notes now you know if the beatles were if the beatles were let me ask you something if the beatles were like in their on their first album yeah that's one thing even still. I didn't see but they had already done revolver rubber soul i mean just sergeant pepper i mean they had done everything everything already yeah like right they were the beatles at now cut to they have four or five hit records she's in the fuck i don't like that not good boy boy boy you don't sing now right john He does triple harmony Right Ringo Go take a nap Right So Ringo Has to take a nap And I don't even know What's the other guy's name George George Yeah yeah yeah Oh George She doesn't know who he is She doesn't even know Who George Who George Which one I met You met him a thousand times He's right there there.
Oh, you're George. Yeah, I'm right here.

Yeah, what do you do, George?

What?

I write the music.

The fuck?

I know.

How insane.

But that's who she was.

Yeah, she didn't care.

And so now you're George and these guys are like, oh, you're in.

There's a scene where she's reading a newspaper in the middle of their shit.

A fucking full on.

She doesn't give a fuck. Give a fuck.
She's with the Beatles. Imagine you're, okay, you know what this is to you? Imagine you start dating one of the guys in, what's the group that you love? One Direction.
One Direction. And you're giving One Direction notes on song and you're just fucking them off the whole time.
You're on an iPad. Right, you're dating Harry Styles now, right? No, give her someone else.
No, Harry! You can't get Harry! You can't get Harry! Who's the fifth guy? Bring up the guys. Is there a fifth guy? Let's see which one Jules is there.
Dude, you can't get Harry. You think you can get Harry? He's a leading man! You're nuts.
You're not. You're not leading women.
You're nuts, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're nuts, dude. Alright, bring up the boys.
I'll pick. Slow down.
I'll fucking pick. Left to right.
Can you name the boys left to right?

Can you zoom it in?

I want to know.

Niall.

That white one.

Okay.

Niall, Zane, Louis, Liam, Harry.

Niall is left.

Zane, Louis, Liam, Harry.

Yeah.

All right.

I say Liam.

Liam is in the green shirt.

The green shirt, yeah.

Yes?

Yeah. What's the brown one's name? That's Zane.
Maybe the brown one? See, the brown one would look at her and go, I should be with you, but I can do better. He could do better.
And I think he'd leave you for Liam or not. The brown one would spit on you, the other whites wouldn't.
Well, the other whites would hit you. They would hit you, but not spit on you.
the brown one. Can I just have Harry? No, you cannot have Harry.
You can't have Harry. That's insane to think that you can get that guy.
We have Harry. We have Harry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Louie.
Louie in the middle. No, you don't get Louie.
I know that one. You don't get that one.
No, you don't get Louie. He's second in command.
No, which was the Ringo? Which was the Ringo of the group? I feel like it's the guy you named. Yeah, you got the green shirt.
What's his name again? Leo. Leo.
And what's his last name? Payne. He's yours.
Leon Payne, that's yours. He's yours.
You can have him. By the way, you and I do have, you and I are sharing Harry, right? Right.
Okay. Just for reference.
But honestly, he has two tattoos, right? The upper body says, yeah, AS, right? And the bottom body says BL. All always remember my territory I know I understand I'm waist down I'll respect that you respect mine right and not in a gay way we're not doing this gay it's not gay it's not sexual or gay no it's just buddy stuff can you share no can you share do you share anything with us ever my food when.
When? When? When? Tacos.

Yeah, you're cold.

You're cold.

The fucking prop Taco Bell fucking that's been here for three weeks.

Prop-o-bel that you brought in. Prop-o-bel.

You want us to eat that shit?

Still, you have to share.

No.

Anyway, you get fucking what's...

I don't even remember his name ever.

Payne.

Payne.

Liam Payne.

You get him.

So listen, here's the deal.

They did two albums.

You're not coming in, right? They're international fucking fucking superstars You're in the recording studio right Right Now Let's say now we're One Direction We're playing right Yeah And then you have to stop us And correct us Okay Alright If you wanna be my midnight girl You will always be my midnight girl, you will always be my midnight girl.

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Yeah.

Bobby.

What?

Yeah.

Can you make your voice a little bit louder and make it more pleasant?

Oh, all right.

Sound guy, he wants it more louder and pleasant.

Let's go again.

One, two, three, go.

Do you want to be... Sorry, my bad.

That's okay.

I didn't say scream.

She didn't say scream.

Whose bitch is this?

No, no, no.

Calm down.

It's okay.

No, I'm Zane.

I'm Zane.

Oh, you're Zane?

Yeah.

All right.

All right, Zane.

Do you want to be my midnight girl?

Do you want to be my midnight girl? Do you want to be my midnight girl? You want Andrew to sing it? Zayn. Zayn sing it? Yeah, I have to sing it.
I should have been Niall. He's Irish.
Yeah, yeah, Niall. Niall, you sing it.
You have to sing it. More lively though.
You look angry all the time. Imagine.
Imagine. I would have quit.
That's how the album Imagine came. That's where the song Imagine came from.
where the song imagine oh yeah imagine because that she was giving notes and they looked at each other like can you fucking imagine yeah yeah that we're gonna take notes from this i know uh okay i'll sing all right here we go do you wanna be my midnight girl do you wanna be my midnight girl that's better all right better than me so i'm the lead now Can I get one more shot Do you wanna be my midnight girl Do you wanna be my midnight girl That's pretty good Still not good enough I get exactly what he did I want Niall to lead Oh fuck And now after after rehearsal So what has she already figured out about what

She's pitting two people against each other

What did she already figure out about what she did to the Beatles

Exactly

She put a wedge in between these

That's exactly what she did

You don't even know and you know exactly what she did

So she wedged between the group members

They started to resent each other

Therein lies the end of the Beatles

You know what you probably also do Is Is what's the, her boyfriend is who? Liam. Liam.
When Liam's not around, she says compliments. Yeah, she goes up.
She goes up to other people. She goes up to you.
I think, you know, you're cute too, you know? I mean, if I hadn't met Liam. You have nice butt.
Yeah, yeah. Nice butt.
Yeah. And they're like, what the fuck? Maybe some of them buy it.

They get a little hard.

Oh, I have a nice butt.

Yeah.

And then that's another wedge.

And when they get hard and I walk in and she goes, he's hard.

What happened?

He's hard.

Right.

Extra sabotage.

Right.

So Liam walks back in.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

Well, Liam's going to the bathroom.

Let's start from before.

Let's start from before.

Right.

I was like, baby, I'm going to go to the bathroom. Let's start from before.
Let's start from before. Right.
I was like,

baby,

I'm going to go to the bathroom.

That's good.

All right.

Bye.

I leave.

Now you say your compliment to him.

Nyle,

I love your voice so much.

Oh, cool.

Thanks.

Your biceps.

Oh, thanks a lot.

Your biceps are really good.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I've been working on them.

Yeah, thanks a lot. Great.
Wonderful. Ah, the bathroom was nice.
No, I've got a boner. Yeah.
Nyle has a boner. No, no.
He has a boner? No, no. Because of me.
Oh, my God. Because of me.
No, no, no. He got a boner because of you.
He flirted. He flirted with you.
No. I'm finished.
No. I'm finished.
No. You red fuck.
No. See what happens? Wow.
That's exactly how it happened. Very good.
Very good. So now you learn about Yoko Ono.
That's who she is. Can I just say this too, though? Play a little bit of Yoko singing.
No, no, no. Stop for a second.
Don't even do that yet. All right? Is this that Sean Lennon, John's son.
So Yoko and John had a son. Sean.
Named Sean. I'm a huge fan of his.
He's dope. He's a great musician.
He sounds just like his dad. Super talented guy.
Yeah. And there was a time where him and I were DMing? DMing each other on Instagram, right? Cool.
Very cool. And So then Jeremiah Watkins that's Sean Lennon.
That's Sean. Jeremiah Watkins asked me to do his podcast and he has a Yoko Ono wig.
Right? And so I put the Yoko ono wig. You know what I mean? And we do the impression.
Ever since I did that impression on his show he won't dm me back so i don't want to make fun of his mom i think it's because i'm making fun of his mom we just did it for about i understand that but i don't want to continue because maybe there's still a chance doubt it probably not i doubt it at this point i killed it yeah i love him so much does he know that we're comedians this is half of. And also, probably a lot of it's in my mind.
A lot of it's in our minds.

Probably it's in my mind.

But it's real.

It's definitely real.

He hates me.

He fucking hates me.

He hates you so much.

And I lose sleep over it.

I know.

But I'm a huge...

That's his mom.

But Sean, he has another son named Julian.

Mm-hmm.

And Julian has one of my favorite songs of all time.

What is it?

Why don't you sing it for us, Julian?

Give me the lyrics. I don't need for us, Julian? Give me the lyrics.

I don't need this music, but I just need

the lyrics. I can sing you the whole song.
Well, give it to me.

Give me the lyrics. What's the song name?

Saltwater. Oh.
Julian

Lennon's Saltwater. Yeah.
And if you listen to

the lyrics, it really means a lot. Alright, here

you go. Here's the lyrics right here.

He needs it to be 185

fun for him to read it, which we made fun of.

Me and... We'll talk about that later.

We are a rock

revolving around

Thank you. He needs it to be 185 fun for him to read it, which we made fun of.
Me and we'll talk about that later. We are a rock revolving around a golden sun.

We are a billion children rolled into one.

So when I hear about the hole in the sky, salt water wells in my eyes.

Oh, this is a...

Yeah, it's about the environment.

That's a good song. Yeah, yeah.
And he's been singing about it since the 80s, so he knew about it. So he knew that the earth was...
About the ozone, about the earth. I'll leave her to another line.
We can all learn something from the song. I'd love to hear another line.
Love it. We climb the highest mountain.
We make the desert bloom. We're so ingenious we can walk on the moon.
Well, maybe. But when I hear of how the forests have died.
He knew about the trees. They were dying back then.
Well, yeah. He's a whistleblower.
Well, we were deforesting for a long time. I know, but he knew about it.
He was whistleblowing. Everybody did know about it.
No, he didn't. He was the first guy.
He listens to the lyrics, dude. It tells on itself.
Ready? What's more? Salt water wells in my Where am I dying? The forest I've died? Salt water I have lived for love, but now that's not enough For the world i love is dying and now i'm crying and time is not a friend no friend of mine a friend's were out of time and it slowly passed anyway i don't want to sing the whole song but i don't like this song why i just you know it's it's he's a guy so much stuff about. I but he back in the day we didn't know about the environment back in the 80s and yet we did we did it and he was like i'm gonna write a song like my daddy did did he have an accent what julian from new york no no julian has an accent does he yeah he's born in england yeah he is born in here.
The planet's dying, and my dad used to sing about it.

I'm going to sing one.

Can you imagine if you would get a British- I would never get one.

A role on a British show?

I would get fired.

Day one.

Table read.

They're like, Bobby, look.

All you have to do is come in the room, right?

And tell the king that his horses are ready.

That's the scene.

That's all we want you to do.

Yeah.

You got to have a British accent, bud, because it's back then. Okay? So, and action.
The horses are ready. That's the scene.
That's all we want you to do. Yeah.
You gotta have a British accent, bud, because it's back then.

Okay?

So, and action.

The horses are dying.

No, they're...

First of all, they're ready.

They're not dying.

The horses are ready.

What's the line?

The horses...

I'm so nervous

because, you know,

I'm an English actor.

Yeah.

And I love Benedict Cumberbatch.

I know he's in this.

He's in this movie.

They're in this movie.

In the scene, actually. They're in the scene.
They're sitting at the table. What's the line again? I'm sorry.
I know he's in this. He's in this movie.
They're in this movie. In the scene, actually.

They're in the scene.

They're sitting at the table.

What's the line again?

I'm sorry.

I know I read the script, but all my favorites.

Your Highness.

Your Highness.

The horses are ready.

The horses are ready.

All right.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Here we go.

And action.

Your Highness.

Yes, my liege.

Your horses are ready

Why do we

Sorry can I get it again

I'm a huge fan by the way Benedict

Can I get another shot

So that's it

That's it

You're fired immediately

That's it

I get two shots at it

It was so bad

You do it

Okay

Ready

Can I have conversations with my kid

Hello so how's your team this morning

Thank you. That's it? I get two shots at it It was so bad You do it Okay Ready? Can I have conversations with my kid? Hello, so how's your team this morning? That guy's getting fired Are you a new guy? I know if I'm going to say this Yeah Since the camera's on you Yeah And I'm doing the reverse Yeah Right? It doesn't matter how I sound You're right Right? Alright Because when you turn the camera around to me I I'm going to nail it.
You didn't even get into, I'm getting into my character, by the way. Oh, yeah, because you have a hunchback.
Well, I know. I live out in the barn.
Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do.
I know who I am. All right, ready? Sweetie, how was your tea and crumpets? My lord.
Hello. One second, please.
My lord. Sweetie, I'm talking to the queen.
The horses. I know, hold on a second.
My lord, the The horses my lord are ready Are you seeing the horses already The horses They're ready I've put new shoes on them Sweetie good news The horses are ready You think I could Nibble on a chicken bone Listen But that was good This is the director now He's asking for more. No improvising.
Sorry. I'm so sorry.
Aaron Sorkin wrote this. Oh, I apologize.
Word for word. Right to the book.
Thank you. Sorry.
Very good. Scene's over.
You can go back to your trailer. Oh, am I fired? No.
I did it. We're rewriting the script about you.
The whole movie's about you now. You know how one line, you changed it.
I took it they're all fired you're firing benedict yeah the whole movie's you and it's just me on the poster yeah and then there'll be like stories about it right he did one line and he changed the fucking fabric of show business those those those black interviews where they're where they're where the celebrities are sitting there and it's all black and they like, what it did was more than art. It was revolutionary.
It was life-changing. And they cut to me going, the horses are ready.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to do a British role once.
I would love to, I want to try one time for something like that. Well, you're good at accents.
Yeah, but I would do Cockney. I can't do like proper British stuff.
Like, you know how fancy is, he's fancy Spanish? Yeah. You know, like that's harder to do than, well, what's the other way to say it, fans? Less fancy Spanish? Less fancy Spanish.
Less fancy Spanish. Street Spanish.
He doesn't speak street Spanish. You know that, right? Like in Mexico, you could tell people use street terms when they were talking to him.
He doesn't use those words. That's interesting.
I've never, because, you know, in America, we obviously all speak American, right? English, I mean. No, no, no, you're right.
I speak American. You guys speak English.
I speak American, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We speak English, right? No, we speak American. Anywho.
The British speak the English. But we all, but in Spain, obviously, in different parts of the country, they have different dialects.

Yeah.

And accents.

Yeah.

Right?

And I'm sure because we also have our like, the urban guy.

We have dialects.

We have urban dialects.

Southern.

Does Spanish have an urban dialect?

So come in here.

No, fans, tell us.

Fancy, come in here.

No, tell us from there.

He's on camera.

Yeah, yeah.

So you're like, you're a Spanish hip hophop music producer you trying to just say a black spanish guy no he's white but you know how some white like i i did a thing in korea for jyp what is that jyp is like the puff daddy of korea jyp yeah can we get him on the show he's in korea but so he called me and he goes, years ago, he goes, yo, yo, what's up, dude? And I go, excuse me? Yo, yo, what's up, dude? I go, dude, who? Do you, bro? What's up? What's up, dude? And I go, who's this? JYP, dog? What going on? Right? I go, who are you? I'm just the puff daddy of Korea. He's the puff daddy of Korea.
Dude, he flies me first class. JYP, let me see.
JYP. He flies me first class.
To Korea. To Korea.
That's when I did the fucking music video for the female group. Oh, right.
I saw photos of that already. It's because of JYP.
JYP did it. JY Park? Yeah.
So this guy is P. Diddy.
Yeah, that's the P. Diddy.
Wow. That's my boy.
So even Koreans have a guy that has slang. That's the slang guy.
So the Spanish people have that guy. Do you have that, Vance? Yeah, they're called Mexicans.
Wait, that joke is so good. So good.
That joke is so good. It made me not laugh.
It was so good. It made me so jealous of that joke.
It was so good. I paused.
I paused and I let it absorb. That is so fucking funny.
Here's what I want for the edit. Yeah.
I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.
I want you to loop that clip four or five times over and over. Over again.
Yeah, they're called Mexican. Yeah, they're called Mexican.
How serious? Seriously funny. Very good.
Very good, Fance. Is this guy, how do you think about JYP? Do you like this guy? No.
Do you know who he is? He's 60 years old in that photo. He looks pretty good to me.
Wait, do you know who this man is no but because his eyebrows seem like angry birds he

does look like an angry bird angry bird he looks like an angry bird jyp is an angry bird now

look at him will you side by side an angry bird picture with that i'm not kidding i'm not kidding

so good so dead on which angry bird does he look like the yellow one yeah don't because he's asian

don't do that let me have that it's funny another good. Okay.
Another good one. Come on, two for two.
Another one. We're banging him out.
Mexicans are now fucking yellow. We're banging him out.
I love it. He's not the red one.
No, it's that one. Yay, the eyebrows.
It's the red one. No, the yellow one.
No, the yellow one. Where's the yellow one? Let me see.
Go right there. It's in the middle.
Bam, right middle. Down, middle.
There, boom. Zoom in.
Yeah. That's JYP.
That's JYP. That is it that's jyp jyp right there the little yellow one i think still the red you do yeah i'm gonna go i think she's right with you oh that's yellow it's the yellow guy oh really okay i'll go yellow i don't know why we're arguing against it but um why is that even a thing but she's hitting a couple of home runs this episode she knows what she's doing yeah what have you been up to are you going back to hawaii yeah you guys just get buy a house there you guys are there every fucking week yeah i mean seriously you're there so much why don't you just go move there i don't know what the kala can you go to school you go to school out there my neighbor goes to school in hawaii my neighbor's daughter goes to school in hawaii she lives here well her parents live here but she's in college right now she goes to college

college out there why don't you go to college out there no we because we cover this yeah but we'll

just fly her back if she flies back every week anyway what's the difference yeah and no she's

you're happy at your college now right yeah yeah that sounded so fake i mean she's not doing

anything are you meeting anybody no any boys no boys? No. Any girlfriends? One girlfriend.
One girlfriend? She went to the Harry Styles concert with? Yeah. Oh, that girl.
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Well, so last night- You picked up the tab for Jimpachi, which was not cheap. Well, I didn't even know.
I was a little shocked when I got the fucking thing. Because, so, Nick Swartzen's in town.
He's back living in LA again. Back living in LA.
He was away for years. A year and a half.
And I had to go say hi. So we went and had sushi at Jimpachi.

And like an idiot, I went.

And I only had two things.

I ordered like really light things.

Like I'll have one yellow.

You had one cut roll and one piece of sushi.

Right.

And like an idiot, I go, I'll take the tab.

And Schwartz looked at me and was like, what is he doing?

I know.

Immediately, I'm like, I'm your friend.

I wanted.

And as soon as I did one of those like double glances i went i got the bill i went but it was good to see him it was awesome to see him yeah it was so good it's i'm so happy he was back in town and then we went and did a spot together yeah and i didn't have a spot but i came to the improv and this is what i love about the pandemic being over it being up there because I wasn't going up and I was up on top of the stairs at the improv to watch Nick go up right with all those people it just made me feel like a part of the community again yeah it's a little bit more alive again it feels good it was great it's really good to hang out with everyone. And then when the store was awesome too.
The store was fun as well.

But yeah, so we went to go get food.

After you guys ate pizza, Griff was in the parking lot.

And I said, let's go.

Fahim said, I'm hungry.

And all that's open is like pink taco.

Yeah.

I like pink taco though.

Yeah.

And I said, okay, I'll go over there.

I said, I'll have chips and salsa.

I already ate sushi.

Yeah.

And Griff was like, well, yeah.

I mean, I don't need to eat. I'm not going to drink.
And I was like, well well do you want to come hang out yeah fine so he comes over there we're hanging out we're sitting there he's like nine burritos he goes maybe I'll get myself a steak taco that's amazing and literally then two steak tacos comes and then chips come and salsa comes yeah and then queso comes oh of course and then he plays it dude he plays it off he goes like this he goes what is that soup he knows what it is soup you knew it was queso before they even took it out of the fucking thing dude and when he put it down and he was like let me do some chips on that soup and I was like that's cheese dude that's not soup it's so obviously cheese it's so funny yeah and some food. It was really good.
Oh, Theo showed up too? Yeah, because he's back in town for a couple days again. Yeah.
People are coming back a little bit before everyone goes for the holidays. Yeah, it's definitely- Are you going to go to Arizona, by the way? After the New Year.
What? She got her booster? No, my mom, it's weird. My mom will go say stuff like like i see you in six months like so far like he doesn't want she doesn't want to see us physically why because she's a hoarder oh yeah let me see a caller caller does she she really does collect everything in the house does she have like a bad habit of like stocking up on stuff and overbuying and all that shit yeah but she also um does she have animals too no she has no animals but she also you know she has a b b um blm not bl not blm the other one btk what is that btk that's a bts bts he's she's sorry he has a bts obsession you know where that yeah Screenshots all day long photos of them online I know you told me Then she watches all the Korean dramas She eats whatever she wants Because we send her money And she lives like a queen but she doesn't want to see us How much money do you think you send her? I already know I'm the one that sends it Which it doesn't seem like a lot But if you think you send her? I already, what do you mean how much? I already know.
I'm the one that sends it. How much? I've since, which it doesn't seem like a lot, but if you think of.
Well, she already has money, right? From your dad? No. When your dad died, he didn't leave any money? He left her no money.
Nothing. So for the last 20 years, I've, every month, for the last 20 years, I've sent her $3,500 a month.

Every month?

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

That's great.

And she doesn't spend a lot, so she just saves it.

Yeah, she's not doing anything.

She's not doing anything.

Let's call her.

She's not going to pick up.

There's no way.

Please pick up.

I know.

What's her mom's name?

Jeannie.

Love that.

There's no way she'll pick up

Please pick up

Her own son?

Her own son?

The love of her life?

She's looking at her eye like a

Hey by the way

Rolling her eyes

With every ring

$3,400

Yeah

$3,300

Yeah

Voicemail? Hello? Mom? Oh, where are you? I'm doing my podcast with my friend Andrew In LA Hi, Mom Oh, hi Are you Steven? No, just me and my friend Andrew Andrew Yeah He's a white piece of shit, mom.

Yay.

No, no.

That's Jeremiah.

She met Jeremiah.

Oh, yeah.

No, no.

Jeremiah's ugly, huh?

Yeah, I'm handsome.

Yamjane.

He's nice.

Yeah, that's what you say about ugly people.

They're nice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Wait till you see me.

So what are you doing right now, mom?

Mom, can you not speak in Korean?

I like that you translate.

Yes, I am.

Can you speak in English?

I can.

Okay, good.

I'm going on a way to lifetime fitness.

Lifetime fitness. She's going to get jacked.
What are you going to do there? Squats Exercise What exercises? What do you do there, Ma? Swimming and exercise Oh, they're two different things Yeah, it's the same place Oh, the same place Do you know that Bobby has never exercised? No, he exercises every morning to get up, you know. Yeah, it's a lot of work to just get up.
Yeah. You think me getting up is exercise, Mom? Oh, yeah.
To me, that's it. Yeah.
Yeah. So, you know, it goes free, yeah.
My insurance is paying. Yeah.
Otherwise, I have to pay $100 a month. Oh, for the insurance is paying for the membership? Oh, they're paying for the membership? Oh, yeah, they pay for me.
That's great. That's great.
What do you... Taking bath and everything there, you know? Are you still obsessed with the boy band, mom? Why? What's the band called? BTS.
You still obsessed with BTS? Yeah, they did. No, it's a bad accident they died yeah yeah yeah they didn't know they died all on a bus they were on a bus mom and they just died really yeah you gotta look it up man it's really sad oh no yeah yeah that's not true

they all

they all Yeah Yeah That's not true That's not true They all died They are performing right now In Sophia Stadium They were dying on the way to the stadium mom No Yeah they died They're on fire mom They're on fire. Can you take me next to this concert? Yes.
Yes. There'll be no one on stage because they're dead.
No, you do it then. You do it.
Yeah, you'll put on the show. Oh, you want me to do the BTS song? You'd be a K-pop star.
You could do it. Oh, I could do.
That's what you. You can do everything.
That's what you've always wanted for me, right? I'll help you, okay? Okay, mom. Mom, I love you.
I'll see you soon. When do you want me to come? January.
I'll come in January, okay? Can I come? Can my friend Andrew come? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oma, oma. Oma, oma.
My friend Andrew, it smells good. It's okay.
No, no, no. No, no.
No, no. No, no.
No, no. No, no.
No, no. No, no.
No, yeah. Okay.
엄마, 엄마. 엄마, 엄마.
My friend, Andrew, it smells. No, no, no.
It smells. And 엄마, 엄마.
My friend, Andrew, the food is so small. You know what? You know what you just said? This is the funniest thing.
So I go, I go, Mom, my friend, Andrew. I'm telling them what you just said.
So I said, mom, Andrew has a small penis in Korean. You know what she said? She goes, just like you.
In Korean, just like you. Yeah, I could hear it.
Yeah, she could hear it. Yeah, just like you.
Mom, I love you. I miss you.
I'll see you in January, okay? Okay. Okay.
All right. I love you.
I love you. No, text me every day.
I love you.

No, text me every day.

I love it.

We text each other every day.

I love it. Okay, okay.

Love you, baby.

Okay.

Bye.

Thank you for calling.

Bye.

Bye.

That's so sweet.

I know.

Lifetime fitness.

Lifetime fitness. She seems clear, though.
She seems happy. seems happy she doesn't seem like she's losing it was she losing it? all my family members on her side of the family in the last three years of their lives they get dementia I know but she's still clear how old is she now? 81 oh wow, wow.
That's getting up there.

Don't make me feel bad.

Well.

She's going to die.

Maybe January might be.

Too soon.

No, don't say that.

No.

Bro, if she dies in December and you said that, I'm going to blame you, bro.

That's my mom impression?

Is that what you're doing with your face?

It's so fucking racist. So racist.
Do your mom swim laps in the pool? That's incredible. What if there was an exchange program where you had to hook up with my mom, I had to hook up with your mom? Would you do it? Well, no.
Because my mom is still young and agile. My mom, from the waist down.
Your mom is an 81-year-old grand lady. Bro.
Can I just say this, right? Show me a nude. I will, but in a second, hold on.
This is, because they do this as a test, the doctors, right? Her vagina is fresher than Elaine Chao's. Elaine Chao's, it's better.
No chance. It's better than? 81.
81, okay. How old is your mom? In her 60s.
Pretty good. Big difference.
I know. But still...
We could swap maybe my grandma or something. No, no, no.
That's closer. My grandmother's closer than age...
We're swapping moms. My grandmother's 91.
Should we call her and see if she's around? Yeah, yeah. Call her.
She's the best. My grandmother's literally great.
But it's... No, it's not late.
What am I saying? I didn't even know what time it was. All right.
She probably won't answer. I'm scared.
Be nice. Seriously, don't say anything fucked up.
Don't say anything fucked up. I'll be mad as fuck.
I don't know what fucked up is. I don't know what fucked up is.
The same way I treated your mom. Very nice.
Okay. What's her name? Aunt B? We call her Nana.
I'm going to call Aunt B. Hello? Hey, Nana.
hello hey nana hi sweetie hi sweetheart how are you my boy good babe i'm on my podcast right now you're on my podcast right now with me and bobby lee the little fat korean guy you remember him i showed you pictures of him yes i do here i am hi i'm the fat korean guy Korean guy. Hi.
Nana, remember when Poppy was in the Korean War?

Yeah.

Yep, he was fighting these scumbags that I'm sitting next to right now.

Yeah, I'm a little too young.

I wasn't in the Korean War.

No, he was hiding in a washroom someplace.

But also the Americans fought with the Koreans. That's right.
So we're the same we're the same team we were friends yeah yeah nana what are you doing right now um not a thing honey not a thing you're hanging around the house yeah i'm hanging i'm hanging all right well we just wanted to call and say hi and i love you i'm coming back in a month to come say hi i'm gonna go do something for promote for a promo i'm gonna come see come see you. We'll go back out to lunch.
Oh, honey, I love that. I love it that you're so thoughtful and good to me.
Oh, well, I love you to death, babe. You're the best.
I can tell by saying you're so good to me. I love you.
Well, I love you toots. I'll call you later.
I'm going to let you go, okay? Okay. Nice to meet you.
Say bye to Bobby, Nana. Bye-bye, Nani bye love you love you both love you babe bye bye bye honey she's the greatest 91 dude bro she does love you you almost made me cry just now did you hear the joke that she made i know but she's so sweet.
And she loves you so much, and that was such a nice thing. That was like really sweet.
Oh, Bob. I don't know why that just hit me fucking hard.
I don't know why. She's so fucking pure and joy.
I like when you get emotional. And so full of joy, and you're a piece of shit.
You really are. You're like one of the worst human beings I've ever fucking met.
And still another human being likes evil.

No, no, dude.

No, dude.

Dude, when a whole human being is so good in their nature that they see a piece of shit and an evil piece of shit and they go, I love that.

Right?

And it's like, you should love it. You because it's not lovable it's not a lovable thing it's not a lovable thing this is the best acting you've ever done i really this is really good you that woman she's the best is the best man i love her wow you're you're a piece of shit dude did you hear what the joke she made i can't understand why she loves you but it's fucking amazing that's it gave me so much confidence in the human condition dude i'm a lovely person no you're not you're a fuck fucking awful human being look at you yeah look at you fuck man thanks that was pure dude babe what are we wearing right now i wear undies Me undies right now What am I wearing right now? Everywhere I go Me undies You're wearing it too I'm wearing it too And it makes us really close And you know what? What? Right now I've got my little pizzas on Yeah I have my My little pizza pies I have my little porcupines And the thing is Is that when I know You're wearing your me undies Yeah And I'm wearing my No matter where you are in the country I can feel it When I put it on Like we're twins It's like And you get hurt Yeah yeah yeah yeah I feel, I can feel it.
When I put it on. Like we're twins.
It's like. And you get hurt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel it.
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Groundbreaking. Yeah.
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I got a knife? I'm going to yell at you, man. I got a travel bag? Yeah, you got all kinds of stuff, man.
You got that thing where you sharpen the knife? Yeah, yeah. What do you call it? Pummel? Pummelstone? I think.
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Great. Your grandmother...
I took her out to lunch. Is that your mother's side? It's my mom's mom.
You can tell. It's the only one I got left.
Oh. Because my dad's dad died a year in the middle of COVID.
Not from COVID. He died because he was just old.
You know what's crazy? I called him on his birthday like the week before he died. And he sounded it was wild oh it stinks because when he get when they get older like that you don't know you don't know you don't know yeah that's why i keep every time i go home i make sure i see her as much as i can we went out to lunch and she was funny as shit she was like she's tiny dude she's this big and i was like perfect guy for me i mean let's be honest perfect guy for me yeah yeah no let's talk be honest.
Perfect guy for me. Yeah.

No, let's talk about it.

No.

We're not talking about- How big is your mom?

4'8".

Perfect.

Perfect guy for you too.

A little backpack for me.

Jump on my back.

I got little legs right here.

Backpack?

Spin her around.

Your grandma?

Front pack.

I have a front pack with her.

Fanny pack.

Her face is right here, dude.

Fanny pack.

Yeah, yeah.

No!

I do jabs. No! I do tongue jabs for her No Yeah I'll do tongue jabs Yeah I want to meet I get to meet your mom first I get to meet your grandma I'm going to I'm going to January I'm going to wherever Your grandma lives Come to Chicago In the forest I dare you to come to Chicago What do you mean dare I go there all the time You won't come with me Just to go meet my family But I'll go I'll be there I would You know what Dude I would At this point in our relationship You'd come With all our fights And all our bullshit And our love I would Love yeah I would totally go I would totally go Well I'm playing the Chicago Theater In February You should come in February Yeah You wanna do that No Just come I have so much dates myself I don't know what's going on Yeah you're going back to Hungary Yeah You're going back You wanna want to talk about that you're shooting your movie you got to go all the way back to hungary to shoot a half of a scene well yeah with the movie i did last year they need reshoots yeah i'm excited why because um to see the celebrities you are excited to see the celebrities that's so gross to say it like that that's exactly who you are no i'm not no Yes, you are.
No. Let's take a vote.
Let's take a vote. Is he excited to go back for the See the Celebrities? Raise your hand if it's a yes.
Rudy, yes. That's two, three.
Four to one. You're so excited.
Or can you say it like this? I'm ready to go back to see my people. You know what Bobby said to me when we were sitting in the rafters of the improv? This is verbatim.
Okay. I'm Bobby.
Don't lie though. I'm Bobby.
Okay. We're sitting next to each other.
Don't lie though. I'm not.
Okay. We're sitting next to each other and he goes like this.
Look at this up here. This is awesome.
I said, yeah, it is great. And he goes, I like being in places where other people can't get to.
I was like, exclusive places? He goes, exclusive places. You loved it you love so and you and you go up it's there and you go they can't you go they can't get up here lie they go you go they can't get up here fucking you what did you say you fucking say what you said say what you said you fucking dipshit dip what say what you said i i pervade him pervade him how do you say it verbatim pervade him from now on it's called pervade him pervade him all right this is what i said and repeat to me pervade him what you said upstairs pervade himly i'm gonna tell you what i said all right pervade himly i go i think i opened up by saying young chap i said young chap yes i did This is pervetum.
Pervade him all right young chap right it's nice up here i said i agreed and i said i wish right everyone oh fuck i did i wish everyone can be up here nobody believes you yes literally nobody believes i didn't fucking say that fucking tell the audience i didn't see that that's so gross do you think after all these years they don't know who you really are these people know you love exclusivity I said it but I said it Rudy does it sound like something he would say I said it thinking that you weren't going to say anything about it you talk like this all the time you talk like this on the show about exclusivity you love it you love to go to hotels where people can't get to you a little bit you love the little fancy you love being fancy you're fancy you're fancier than fancy bro you're fancy as well you know it you're the most fancy guy you're the most fancy guy you're so much more fancier than me dude you love golden goose shoes you love like a little fancy high-tech fucking golf bags high. Which one did I buy? I look at your golf bags and they're high-tech.
Where are my golf bags? You've never seen my golf clubs. Yes, I have.
From the back of your nice, fancy cars. Let's look at our cars.
We're not going to talk about our cars, but your car, right, is brand new, right? It is. I just got a new car.
And it's one of those fancy six... Six what? Figures.
No, it's not. Yes, it is.
No, it's not. I'll guarantee it.
It's a fucking Nissan Cube. You can look it up.
It's 40 grand. It's a six-figure fucking car.
There's no chance. It's not a cube.
Now, regardless of what it is, now look at my car. That should be enough.
You don't care about cars. I don't care about any of it.
I don't care about any of it. You're telling me you don't like fancy shit? No.
Are you fucking telling me you don't like fancy shit? I don't like fancy shit Rudy, fucking pipe up He loves all the fancy things And he buys everything every day I don't understand Now let her finish You talk it up Sit up straight and fucking let him have it Tell me the stuff he buys, the fancy shit he's into Give it to him, rude He buys so many shoes But he doesn't wear it up. Sit up straight and fucking let him have it.
Tell me the stuff he buys, the fancy shit he's into.

Give it to him, rude.

He buys so many shoes, but he doesn't wear it.

Oof.

He buys clothes, and I only see him wear one time.

One time.

All brand name, by the way. Fancy brands.

Fancy brands.

He buys beanies.

Lots of fancy beanies.

Perfumes.

Lots of perfume.

A lot of food.

Food you need, though. That one I can't combat.
That's it. Interesting.
Jackets. Jackets, yeah.
Fancy jackets. He had a leather jacket last night.
A fancy leather jacket. Fancy leather jacket.
It's funny. I do that.
I do. I use my money for ridiculous things.
Yeah. But I also use my money for things like paying for things that people that.
I do. I use my money for ridiculous things.
I also use my money for things like paying for things that people in the house need. I agree with this.
Like someone that's not even blood related. Is there a non-blood person in your house? Imagine somebody not blood related.
Wait, someone that's not related to your family lives in your home? Lives in my home. Rent free? Rent free.
Food payment free?

Food free.

Cell phone?

Be honest with me.

Do I ever say, you want shoes?

We're at the mall.

Yeah, you ask.

Yeah, yeah.

Just looking at someone that's not blood related.

Not blood.

To lock eyes with them goes, hey man, get whatever you want.

Does he say that to you?

Whatever you want?

Wow.

Yeah. So do you want to take back some say that to you whatever you want wow yeah so do you

want to take back some of the fucking bullshit you just said no i'm just being honest yeah i know but i'm saying there's two sides to every coin but the truth is you're fancy as fuck stop pretending you're not fancy can you admit you're fancy and we can both be fancy let's ask the guys let's ask the boys then yeah pete

yeah andres Can you admit you're fancy and we can both be fancy? Let's ask the guys. Let's ask the boys then.
Yeah, Pete. Yeah.
Andres. I mean, he's asleep.
What did he say? Say Pete again. I was Pete.
Ready? Yeah. Pete.
Yeah, that's what he did. I was moving the mic towards my face.
No, go ahead, Fance. Fance.
Fance, go ahead. Would you say we're both fancy? Yes.
Thank you. That's it.
They can't even hear that. You're not even on the mic.
He just said it. He just said yes.
Nobody hears it. Yes.
Thank you. We're both fancy.
In different ways. Yeah.
We're fancy in different ways. You like high-tech golf bags.
I don't even own a high-tech golf bag. I don't even know what that is.
I know. I like nice cars.
That's the one thing I love. And you like nice cars.
I've been to your house. Your house is like a fucking showroom.
Well, that's because we're trying to sell it. It's a furniture showroom.
What did you say? He's just clean. He's clean? I am very clean.
You have nice things. I am very clean.
You have nice things as well. I'm actually souping up my car next to your house.
I told you. I was literally across the street from you.
I know you do. Oh, yeah.
That's another thing. That's ridiculous.
So you already have an expensive car. It's not.
No, it's not that expensive. And then what are you going to do extra to it I'm going to I'm doing I'm doing a thing Tom Segura actually no what Tom Segura your buddy Tom fuck Tom what do you do extra with your car Tom's the one that introduced me what do you do extra with your car this is a good point I'm adding you're adding what I'm adding about 250 horsepower to the engine right now yeah when I buy a car people that love cars no when when i buy a car when i fucking buy a car right i go when i look at the fucking you know how fast it goes and right i just accept what's on the thing you don't look it goes to 80 or 100 that's the limit not fuck face you're so fancy you're like you know what now fuck it i'm gonna go extra hundred no for no reason i'm never gonna be able to use it yeah it's stupid it's based on your ego no no and it's extra fancy shit ego that we all don't need in our lives i like fast cars so listen everybody right anybody who likes fast cars with food paying rent right you're you're you have a family men are sick that they need, need right and you can't get the funds this fuck he's putting more horsepower into his engine okay that's fancy okay we're both fancy what does that have to do with people dying I just want to make the point what I can't you die you die knowing that any fan out there that likes cars will understand exactly why I want've never in my life- Let me tell you something.
My first car, Hyundai Sonata. Beautiful car.
Started at the bottom. All right? Beautiful car.
No, it's a fine car, I'm saying. I started there just like any average person.
I was paying $189 a month. Yeah.
I was working hard to keep that car. Okay.
For the first time in my life, I bought a car. I got to actually buy it.
Didn't just lease it or rent it. Okay? I want to make it as nice as I can because I bought it.
I got to buy a car. got to actually buy it didn't just lease it or rent it okay i want to make it as nice as it can because i bought it i got to buy a car and guys that like cars know you can do a stage one stage two turn up and they take the fucking turbo they send it to germany and germany blesses it this god bless this engine yeah germany takes it literally and they go okay we have your turbo and we're gonna make it to fancy and then there is the turbo.
And then they send it back to me. And I put it back, they put it back in my car and my car gets even more juice power and it's sexy and I like that.
It's not for other people, it's for me. And I feel the same way about my shoes.
And that's okay. And that's okay.
I feel the same, okay thank you. And that's okay.
I feel the same way about my shoes. And that's okay.
Okay, good. And that's okay.
Okay. Don't roll your eyes.
Let me see your eye roll. Do it again to him.
Yeah. Oh, that's good.
Yeah, I hate it. Right in the corner.
Yeah. You don't like when people eye roll.
I don't like eye rolls. What do you think it is? It's like, get out of here, gook.
That's not what that says. I know, but in my head it does.
You can't really roll your eyes I can You're looking up Did I roll my eyes It looked like you just looked up for a second That's a good one right That's a good one You look like the emoji Why do you think you're getting so cocky and snappy back with Bob Because he lets me No. No, right.
You're letting her get away with it. I want her to be...
You got to discipline this kid, dude. No.
I think she's getting more confident. Here's why I don't say anything.
Because the shy girl that moved in two years ago couldn't even lock eyes with anybody. An American.
I agree. Because she was so intimidated by being in this country, right? And now she's locking eyes with people and she's fighting back.
And like that when we first met you were she was so much more shy to me i was scared of you yeah are you scared now no no not at all right because he's been in bad moods and you haven't been scared like earlier today but i'm so sweet with her i am very sweet can we can we talk about your mood now when we first started the podcast before what was that all about because i feel like we're in a different space now. Get it! Fuck! Give me the fucking phones! Give me the fucking phones! Give me the phone! Fuck! So fucking mad! Fuck! Fuck me, dude! It's your fucking Venmo! Fuck me! Look! God damn it! What? You go to fucking pay! Yeah? You go to fucking pay! Yeah? fucking pay yeah you go to fucking scan and you scan the fucking code yeah i was in the beginning i swear to god when you were screaming i was like i don't know you couldn't you didn't you just couldn't figure out venmo it doesn't matter it's like the way to i know for you to react that fucking hard it's for you to react that way for even though it wasn't that hard because you're not ridiculous you're not dumb are you dumb yes okay i'm fucking dumb well fuck it's hard sometimes i just don't scream when you're so dumb sometimes it's hard for me to be around it all right well duh that's me okay what's this portion of the show this is well this is really gonna is- Rudy's gonna do what? Go ahead, Andres, explain what you got.
We have a really good scene for Jules. It's Jules on Pulp Fiction.
This is Jules from Pulp Fiction and you're Jules from Bad Friends. That's pretty great.
Let's hear Jules. Have you seen Pulp Fiction? Yeah, but I forgot about it.
Great, yeah. I'll give you $5,000 right now

if you tell me who the black kid

in the corner,

the actor.

Phil,

I know you're nervous

because you know I know his first name.

Yeah,

I'm so scared right now.

You're scared.

Holy fuck.

I know it.

No,

don't say anything.

You got to get it.

His name is Phil.

I mean,

you know I know him. You know I do know him.
Yeah, but I'm'm not gonna give you the money Unless you tell me the name Yeah yeah Because he was on Mad Yeah I worked with him I know And people don't know that Because it doesn't really look like him in this movie It doesn't no The first letter is an H of his last name No What's the first letter I'm to, because it's a lot of money. I'm not going to tell you anything.
Please. This stinks.
Okay. Anyway, I'll just tell you, Phil Lamar.
I knew it. I know.
You don't get the money. Go ahead.
So what are we going to do now? You have the dialogue and so we can read it. I want to play the kid.
Did you just shift and fart? Is that what you just did? My God. Can I tell you something tell you something about that scene what it's so loud how he's yelling at that kid and the gunshots the cops would be there immediately yeah imagine being in the apartment next door just playing video games yeah and you hear like why did you run what does he look like right you'd be like what the fuck's going on over there dude yeah like it's an apartment fucking complex in san everyone would have heard them yelling at him for the fucking five minutes yeah i mean when you're like you guys i'm playing a game over here you guys what's the fuck is happening like for sure people would have knocked on their door yeah when um donald trump won 2016 in my best day of your life you told me you called me and you go dude we did it yeah you go And I went and bought fucking 50 flags.
Right? Because I like to sew. No, I like to sew outfits from the flags.
What kind of outfits? American outfits. Pure American outfits.
American outfits. When Donald Trump won in 2016.
So anyway, when he won. So you could hear crying, right? Like my neighbors crying.

Oh, because you lived in Beachwood Canyon.

Right, Beachwood Canyon.

That's who lives up there.

So I remember the next day.

Don't please.

The next day.

Not me, dude.

I was in the valley.

We were.

I know you were.

We were riding in our trucks.

Yeah, I know.

We did it, boys.

The whole city of Burbank.

Yeah, yeah. So can I finish my point? And I went down to Orange County.
So there was a lady crying, and I remember the next day I went to my neighbor and I go, you were crying. She goes, no.
The cries was from the other neighbor. I was hearing the cries from two buildings down.
Holy shit. So my point is that and she was whim whimpering.
She wasn't even, she was kind of whimpering. I could hear it.
So gunshots and a black guy screaming at the top of his lungs. I'm hearing all of it.
That's what I call the police. That would be such a funny scene if we remade this scene and just showed all the people that heard this scene taking place.
Yeah, yeah. Like just a guy eating outside like, what the fuck is going on up here? It's so loud.
Yeah. They're so fucking loud.
Or some guy, two kids playing Jenga. Jenga, right? And the loudest, it's so loud it fucking collapses.
What does he look like? What the fuck, man? All right, let's see you guys do the scene. You're obviously Brett.
I'm Brett, yeah. And you're definitely the Jules.
Yeah, ready? All right, let's do it. And you have to do it the same way he did it.
Yeah. Commitment.
Commitment, dude. Scare me.
By the way, if you disrespect this role, that's one of the greatest actors of all time you're shitting on. Yeah.
Brett doesn't matter. Nobody knows Brett.
No one knows Brett. No, that's mean.
Whoever Brett is, I'm sure he's a good dude. We love Brett.
He's a great actor. Sorry about that.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
What does Marcellus Wallace look like? What? What country are you from? What? What ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English in.
What? English, motherfucker! Do you speak it? Yes, yes, yes! Then you know what I'm saying! Yes, yes, yes, yes! Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like! What? Say what again? Say what again? I dare you. I double dare you, motherfucker.
Say what one more goddamn time! He's black. Go on! He's bald? Does he look like a bitch? What? Does he look like a bitch? No.

Then why are you trying to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?

I didn't.

Yes, you did.

Yes, you did, Brett.

You tried to fuck him.

No, no, no.

But Marcellus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody except Mrs. Wallace.
You read the Bible, Brett? Yes. Here we go.
This is a good one to get through. Commit.
Commit. Commit.
High energy commit. I'm Vincent, by the way.
All right, yeah. You're Vincent.
You're doing great. You're doing great.
I'm just holding a gun. Well, there's this passage I got memorized.
Sort of this occasion ezekiel 25 17 the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness for he is truly

his brother's keepers

and the finer of lost children.

And I will strike down upon thee

with great vengeance

and furious anger

those who attempt to poison

and destroy my brothers.

And you will know my name

is the Lord

when I lay my vengeance

upon thee.

Very good, Jules. Very good, Jules.
I'm sweating. Very good, Jules.
Can I tell you something? What? I didn't know it was that long, that line. It's a long line.
When you think back, you're like, and the vengeance, and you know that part, but all the other stuff. That's a long line.
It's a hard line to say. It's a lot.
It's way, it's so much. And then it makes you earn a new level of respect for Samuel L.
Jackson. He had to do that and the timing was so good and the inflection because when he goes, furious anger, the way he does that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Fancy doesn't like him as an actor, by the way.
Why? Fancy says he's not that good. Samuel L.
Jackson's one of the best. Yeah, I like him.
No, you don't. I like him.
By the way, your character, Brett, because I wanted to not disrespect this guy,

gentleman named Frank Whaley.

Shout out to Frank Whaley.

Probably one of the best roles.

Oh, my God.

He's working like a motherfucker.

He has 122 titles on here.

Yeah, I've been seeing him in a million things.

I don't really recognize him that much.

I think he was with Swimming with Sharks.

Do you ever see that movie?

The movies he's got listed on here are Pulp Fiction, Broken Arrow, The Doors, I mean he's done a fuck load of stuff Swimming with Sharks Kevin Spacey, Frank Whaley You ever see Swimming with Sharks? No Oh my god you have to watch this fucking movie Is it good or is it bad? Oh my god so Kevin Spacey He plays a real executive He's based on I don't know what executive is sharks running running this um this this um all right i remember network right or i think it's a network production company and he is so nasty in it kevin spacey yeah frank whaley loses it is just like this meek assistant to this like executive you know yeah mogul yeah and he fucking goes crazy but you know who's also in it is um um my favorite mexican what's his name what is this what is this let's see how much you guys know about one direction about one direction oh what is this fill in the blanket oh this is like finish the lyric you don't know oh oh you don't know you're a hoe no you know it can't be oh it would just be what it's one word right you don't know oh oh you're no you're a hoe how is it two words or is it just one it's whatever you want it no it's not it's got to be one word whatever i want to be. It's not because we're trying to guess what one direction's lyric is.
You don't know. Oh, oh.
You don't know. Superstar.
You're superstar? Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. Wait, wait.
I'll sing it. All right, go ahead.
No, well, let us guess and then you can do it. Yeah, you know it.
Yeah. So let us each get a couple guesses.
I know what it is. You don't know.
Oh, oh. You don't know you're confused.
Confused? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
You don't know. Oh, oh.
You don't know you're confused. Confused? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.

You don't know, oh, oh.

You don't know you're mentally slow.

Is that it?

No?

You can't put an A in it.

Mentally slow.

I said mentally slow.

You said oh, mentally slow.

No, I said you don't know you're mentally slow.

That's good.

Okay.

You're mentally.

That's one word. So you're mentally.

That's it.

Mentally slow.

No, no, slow.

That's two words.

Well, oh, oh.

It's got a wrong word. Oh, oh.
Oh, it does? Well, you don't know. Oh, oh.
You don't know you're oh. Oh, it could be.
You know what? It could be oh. It could be oh.
Or it could be. You don't know.
Oh, oh. You don't know.
You're slow. That's it.
You're slow. What is the right one? You don't know, uh-oh.
You don't know you're beautiful. It's the tone.
I just didn't know the... But I did know the song.
Did you notice I knew it? It was the tone? Yeah. I didn't know.
It was the tone. All right.
Did I not guess it as you said it? I did. All right, go to the next one.
The story of my life, I take her home. I blank all night to keep her warm and time is frozen.
All right. The story of my life, I take her home.
I call all night To keep her warm And time is frozen Woo Alright The story of my life I take her home Right I call all night To keep her warm And tight Is frozen Tight is frozen Time is frozen Oh tight Oh time I can't read his glory Let me start over The story of my life I take her home I confused I confused again I confused All night long To keep her warm And time is frozen Okay Yeah Oh I know it I already know it I actually don't know what it is Because I know that I knew it Story of my life I take her home I fuck her face All night to keep her warm That's it I think that's it I heard the radio Fuck her face Fuck her face Yeah yeah yeah yeah is that it no but i do know that but she knows i know the tone it's the story of my life i'll take her home i fuck all night to keep her warm and time is frozen what what is it it's not fuck all night drive i take I drive all night. Dude, these guys need to get better lyrics.

I drive all night?

What the fuck?

All right, go ahead.

What's the next one?

There's a theme.

It's about driving.

All these motors.

Let's go with the theme.

Is that what it is?

All these motors.

All these motorheads.

They can't blind me with your love.

Nobody can drag me down.

They can't blind me. All these lights.
Oh, that's it it is it lights lights it's gotta be lights i forgot yes it's lights it's fuck yeah we got one all right what's the next one bob okay now lights is a theme and we and we blank all night and we beam we beam all night to the best song ever and we beam all night to the best song ever Now I can't remember Is he losing his memory? What is it? And we dance all night Oh dance, fuck Why would it be beam? Why wouldn't it be beam? I like beam better than dance I want to be more beam Well dance is cheap Beam makes sense Dancing is easier Becoming beam Beam Is a harder Beaming all night? To turn into light. Right, right, right.
To beam all night. And to beam all night is better than dancing.
Any idiot can dance all fucking night. Yeah, fuck dancing.
Fuck dancing. I beam.
But if you like causing up in hotel rooms and you like having secret little rendezvous... These could be Taylor Swift lyrics.
Yeah. But if you like causing chaos up and up.
If you like causing ruckus, if you're causing mayhem up and up. If you're causing causes.
No. If you like but if you like causing fucked up.
If you like causing trouble in hotel room. Is it trouble? Fuck yeah.
Oh my, I'm bad at this. Two for two.
All right, here's the last one, Bob. You get to do the last one.
This is it. Tonight let's get some and we're old while we're young.
And we're old while we're young. Yeah.
Tonight let's get some and we're old while we're young. No, I don't think that's it.
We're younger while we're younger. And we're younger while we're young? And we're younger while we're young i that that makes a lot of sense tonight let's get some and younger while we're young and younger while we're younger while we're young we're younger no that is that not it no tonight let's get some and live while we're young live that's so easy dude me and you should write fucking music lazy lazy fucking lazy dude And you know what These guys are so rich For writing this stuff That's okay We can do our own little band in the future I love you Welcome to 2022 Thank you for being a bad friend.

I'm going to tell you this right now, Jules, okay?

Okay.

And this is real, what I'm about to say to you, okay?

This is not a joke.

You want to date a guy who you know in your head will get along with everyone else in your life.

But I'm not dating him.

I'm just saying that don't see anybody unless you meet somebody that you're willing to,

I think it's too bad. Why? Because I'm scared.
What are you scared about? This is what I want to get at. Love.
No, because of you guys. You're just going to embarrass me.
No, we're not. If he's a decent guy.

If he's a great guy, we'll be along for the ride.

Like if he showed up.

Yeah, if you were dating Samuel L. Jackson, I'd be stoked.
That's your boyfriend, Samuel L. Jackson?

I love that guy.

Love that guy. Woo-hoo.
Yeah.

Woo-hoo.