Bobby Cries & Rudy Becomes Jules

1h 17m
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0:00 Podcasting From San Diego
0:57 The Reason Doc Can't Drink
9:22 Was Harry Styles In Harry Potter?
18:08 The Real Mexicans Of San Diego
25:05 Doc Has The Cutest Eyebrows
27:49 The San Diego Date That Never Happened
41:35 Rudy and Fancy Introduce The Show
45:55 The Day That Steven Brody Died
59:08 Doc Runs The Light On Stage
1:03:24 Doc's Gay Uncle's Story
Bobby Lee
TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive
Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive
Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com
More Andrew Santino
Whiskey Ginger: https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino
Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino
Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com
More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod
Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com
Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday
Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom
Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles
Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart
Produced by: George Kimmel & Bryce Hallock - 7EQUIS
Podcast Producers: Andres Rosende & Pete Forthun
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Runtime: 1h 17m

Transcript

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Eric Griffin and I ate pizza last night. No, I know.
You guys ate pizza, but then after you ate pizza, he ate again with us.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 He had two gigantic slices of pepperoni and jalapeno pizza. And then I go, you want more? You go, oh, no, ma'am, good.
And you didn't finish finish yours. And he finished yours.

Speaker 2 He finished, then mine. I know, he told me that.
Well, he did. Yeah.
And I go,

Speaker 2 and then he did a yawn. Yeah, well, he got, oh, he went, oh, man.
I'm so full. I'm so full, Tommy.
Right. I go, where are you going? He goes, I'm going home.
Yeah, he didn't go home.

Speaker 2 He went to get more tacos. Well, because I brought up Kevin Hart last night.
Do you know that? You know, Kevin came to the store? Yeah, I heard. So I brought up Kevin.
Then he.

Speaker 2 He was at the Laugh Actor because Spencer wanted me to go say hi to him at the Laugh Actor. I didn't go.
And then they showed up at the store. They showed the store.
Also, I brought him him on.

Speaker 2 And the crowd thought I was kidding because he didn't get on stage for three minutes. I stood with the curtain open for three minutes.
That's hilarious.

Speaker 2 So people were laughing because I kept going like this. They thought it was really funny.
They thought, oh, when somebody got bumped. Yeah.
Who got bumped? Well, Lisa Traeger never showed up.

Speaker 2 No, she was canceled. Oh, she did? Yeah.
And then a couple of Don. And then

Speaker 2 Stephen Fury. Stephen Fee got bumped.
Yeah, yeah. Funny guy, though.
You know what he said? You know what he said in the green room to Kevin Hart to joy this? This is really funny.

Speaker 2 What does Steven Fury say? Stephen goes, you don't have an arena you you can go play?

Speaker 2 No, did he really? I swear to God. He is so funny.
So funny, dude.

Speaker 2 That dude's so funny. You don't have an arena that you want to go play.
But he said it like kind of like I wasn't.

Speaker 2 He said it again to me. Chris Spencer was like, it was very funny.
But I guess he said it. He was like, so you don't, there's no

Speaker 2 Scotiabank. You can't go do the United Center or the

Speaker 2 fucking thecrypto.com isn't open tonight? And then he went on and, but so, so Griff stayed, watched Kevin's set. Yeah.
And then came outside. I was outside with Fahim and Aristotle.

Speaker 2 Aristotle's in town?

Speaker 2 He told me not to tell you.

Speaker 2 Fuck. He told me not to tell you.
Why did he tell you? You know what? That's really weird. I'm going to call him right now, but he did say, don't tell Bobby.
Do you hate me?

Speaker 2 I don't think he hates you. I don't know if he likes you.

Speaker 2 But that's not good. But those are two different things.
I know, but I'd rather be one or the other. I don't want to be in the middle.
I don't know. Being in the middle is kind of fun.

Speaker 2 I don't like it. You shake it up a little bit.
No, because then I have to prove myself. How about this?

Speaker 2 Do you like her or hate her, Rudy? I love Rudy. I know, but you don't like her.
I hate her. See? Yeah, I hate her.
So you love her, but you hate her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, I see how that works.

Speaker 2 All right, let's call Stott and see why he didn't pick up. Yeah,

Speaker 2 he's gonna go, hey, I'm an SNL now. Don't put me on the fucking.
He's been acting real,

Speaker 2 like he's a hot shot. I wanted to say something.
I'm gonna ask him something.

Speaker 2 I watched the Beatles documentary, by the way. I heard it it was amazing.

Speaker 2 I gotta force her to do it.

Speaker 2 Frick, fuck him. She's Yoko to us, 100%.

Speaker 2 Oh, she's Yoko. There's a scene.
She's Yoko to everyone. There's a scene where they're.
Do you know who the Beatles are?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I don't understand who Yoko is.

Speaker 2 Bring up a picture of Yoko Ono. Yoko Ono literally destroyed the Beatles.
No,

Speaker 2 she made it better. Oh, really? Her singing is amazing.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 So, Yoko Ono, right there, Yoko married John Lennon. Yeah.
and forced the Beatles to literally shatter.

Speaker 2 They were already shattering a bit. He said, I got to call you back.
So he'll call us back. Oh, he's talking to his high-powered agent now.
Dude, that's fucking. Ever since he went to New York,

Speaker 2 he's been different. Yeah, he smokes a pipe now.

Speaker 2 He walks the streets. Oh, my God.
He walks Fifth Avenue and smokes a pipe. Like Moriarty.
Moriarty. Moriarty.
Moriadi. Moriadi.
Moriarty. Look at it.
Moriadi. Moriadi.

Speaker 2 Moriadi. He's getting a little too famous.
Yeah. A little too big.

Speaker 2 No, but here's what happens.

Speaker 2 Explain Yoko Ono to her and what Yoko really is. So Yoko was an artist.
Yeah. She was a street artist from Japan.
Correct. She met John in New York, I believe.

Speaker 2 He wandered into some, you know, I mean, exhibition. Somewhere in the village, I'm sure.
Yeah, yeah. And they met.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she knew who he was, but she was really confident.

Speaker 2 I think she's just eclectic is a good word. Yeah.
So she probably didn't care. She didn't care.
So anyway, they start dating, and she starts showing up at rehearsals. She's everywhere.

Speaker 2 Kind of like you are. You.
Yeah. To us.
And then she started giving notes.

Speaker 2 Now, if the Beatles were, if the Beatles were, let me ask you something. If the Beatles were like on their first album.
Yeah. That's one thing.
Even still.

Speaker 2 But they had already done Revolver, Rubber Soul. I mean, just Sergeant Pepper.
I mean, they... They had done everything.
Everything already.

Speaker 2 Like, right. They were the Beatles.
Now, cut to. They have four or five hit records.
She's in the fuck. I don't like that.
Not good. Ball, Ball, Ball.
You don't sing now, right?

Speaker 2 John, he does triple homane. Right? Ringo, go take a nap.
Right? So Ringo has to take a nap. And I don't even know where the...
What's the other guy's name? George. George.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, George. She doesn't know know who he is.
She doesn't even know. Who George? Who, George? Who, George? Which one I met? You've met him a thousand times.
That's right. He's right there.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're George. Yeah, I'm right here.
Yeah, what do you do, George? What? I write the music.

Speaker 2 The fuck? I know. How interesting.
But that's who she was. Yeah, she didn't care.

Speaker 2 And so now you're George, and these guys are like,

Speaker 2 you're in.

Speaker 2 There's a scene where she's reading a newspaper in the middle of their shit. Like a fucking full-on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. She doesn't give a fuck.
She doesn't give a fuck. She's with the Beatles.
Imagine you're sitting. Okay, you know what this is to you? Imagine

Speaker 2 you start dating one of the guys in

Speaker 2 what's the group that you love? One Direction. One Direction, and you're giving One Direction notes on song, and you're just fucking them off the whole time.
You're on the street.

Speaker 2 You're dating Harry Styles now, right? No, I'll give her someone else. No, Harry Styles.
You can't get Harry Styles. You can't get Harry Styles.
You can't get Harry Styles. Who's the fifth guy?

Speaker 2 Bring up the guys. Is there a fifth guy? Let's see which one Jules is.
Dude, you can't get Harry.

Speaker 2 You can't get leading Harry.

Speaker 2 You're nuts. You're not.
You're not leading me. You're nuts, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're nuts, dude.
All right, bring up the boys. Association?

Speaker 2 No, no, no. I'll pick.
Slow down. I'll fucking pick it up.
Slow down. Left to right.
Can you name them? Name the boys left to right. Can you zoom it in? I want to know.
Niall. That white one.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Niel, Zane, Louie, Liam, Harry.

Speaker 2 Niel is left. Zane, Louie, Liam, Harry.
Yeah. All right.
So I say, I say Liam.

Speaker 2 Liam is in the

Speaker 2 green shirt. The shirt, yeah.
Even you, yes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the brown one's name? That's Zane. That's Zane.
Zane. Maybe the brown one.
See, the brown one would look at her and go,

Speaker 2 I should be with you. Yeah, yeah.
But I can do better. Yeah.
He could do better. And I think he'd leave you for Liam or not.
Like the brown one would spit on you. The other whites wouldn't.

Speaker 2 Well, the other whites would hit you. They would hit you, but not spit on you.
That's correct. Yeah, because the brown one.
You guys have Harry? No, you can get that. But you can't have Harry.

Speaker 2 Get him, Harry. That's insane to think that you can get that guy.
We have Harry. We have Harry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at Louie.

Speaker 3 Louie in the middle.

Speaker 2 No, you don't get Louie. I know that one.
You don't get that one. No, you don't get Louie.
He's He's second in command.

Speaker 2 Which was the Ringo? Which was the Ringo of the group? I feel like it's the guy you named. Yeah, you got the green shirt.
What's his name again? Leo. Leo.
Yeah, you're for sure.

Speaker 2 And what's his last name? Payne. He's yours.
Liam Payne. That's yours.
He's yours. You can have him.
By the way.

Speaker 2 You and I do have.

Speaker 2 You and I are sharing Harry, right? Right. Okay.
But

Speaker 2 just for reference. But honestly, he has two tattoos, right?

Speaker 2 The upper body says

Speaker 2 AS, right? And the bottom body says BL. All right.
So always remember my territory. I know.
I'm waist down. I'll respect that.
All right, good. You respect mine.
Right. And now.

Speaker 2 When I'm in there, when I'm in gay, right, we're not doing this gay. It's not gay.
It's not sexual or gay. No, it's just buddies.
Can you share? No. Can you share? Do you share anything with us ever?

Speaker 3 Food.

Speaker 2 When? When? When? Tacos. Yeah, you're cold.
You're cold.

Speaker 2 The fucking prop Taco Bell fucking that's been here for three weeks. Propo Bell that you brought.
Propobelle. You want us to eat that shit?

Speaker 3 Still, you have to share.

Speaker 2 No. Anyway, you get fucking what's? I don't can't even remember his name ever.
Payne. Payne.
Liam.

Speaker 2 Liam Payne. You get him.
So listen, here's the deal. They did two albums.
You're not coming in, right? They're international fucking superstars. So you're in the recording studio, right?

Speaker 2 Right? Now,

Speaker 2 let's say now we're one direction. We're playing, right? Yeah.
And then you have to stop us and correct us. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 2 If you want to be my midnight girl,

Speaker 2 you will always be my midnight girl.

Speaker 2 Excuse me, sorry. Yeah, um,

Speaker 2 well, wait, what? What?

Speaker 3 Yeah, can you um make your voice a little bit louder and make it more um pleasant?

Speaker 2 Oh, all right, sound guy, he wants it more louder and pleasant. Let's go again.
One, two, three, go. Do you want to be sorry? Sorry, my bad.
That's okay. Can we get a bad? I didn't say scream.

Speaker 2 She didn't say scream. Whose bitch is this?

Speaker 2 Calm down.

Speaker 2 It's okay. No, I'm uh.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're Zane? Yeah. All right.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's it.

Speaker 2 Do you want to be my midnight girl? Do you want to be my midnight girl?

Speaker 2 You want Andrew to sing it? Zane. Zane, sing it? Yeah, I have to sing it.
I should have been Niall. He's Irish.
Yeah, yeah, Nietzsche. Okay, Nihil.

Speaker 2 I have to sing it.

Speaker 3 More lively, though. You look angry all the time.

Speaker 2 Imagine. Imagine.
I would quit. I would have quit already.

Speaker 2 That's how the album Imagine came. That's where the song Imagine came.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Imagine.
Because she was giving notes and they looked at each other like, can you fucking imagine?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That we're going to take notes from this fucking video.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'll sing. Here we go.

Speaker 2 Do you want to be my midnight girl? Do you want to be my midnight girl? That's better. All right.
Better than me. So I'm the lead now.
Yeah. Can I get one more shot?

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.
Do you want to be my midnight girl? Do you want to be my midnight girl? That's pretty good. No.
Still not good enough? Fuck! I get exactly what he did.

Speaker 3 I want Niall to lead.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 fuck. Yeah.
And now, after

Speaker 2 so, what does she do? What has she already figured out about what she's kidding two people against each other? What did she already figure out about what she did to the Beatles? Exactly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. She put a wedge in between these people.
That's what's

Speaker 2 exactly what she did. That's fucking awesome.
You don't even know, and you know exactly what she did.

Speaker 2 So she wedged between the group members. They started to resent each other.
Therein lies the end of the Beatles. Right.

Speaker 2 And then, you know, what you probably also do is what's the. Her boyfriend is who? Liam.

Speaker 2 Liam. When Liam's not around,

Speaker 2 she says compliments. Yeah, she goes up.

Speaker 2 She goes up to other people. She goes up to you.

Speaker 2 You know, you're cute too. You know? I mean, if I hadn't met Liam.
You have nice butts. Yeah, you have nice buttons.
Yeah. And they're like, what the fuck? Maybe some of them buy it.

Speaker 2 They get a little hard. Oh, I have a nice butt.
Yeah. I have a nice butt.
And then that's another wedge. And when they get hard and I walk in and she goes, he's hard.
What happened? He's hard.

Speaker 2 Right. Extra sabotage.
Right. Liam.
Oh, Liam walks back in. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. Well, Liam's going to the bathroom.
Let's start from before. Let's start from before.
Right. I was there.

Speaker 2 Baby, I'm going to go to the bathroom. That's good.
All right. Bye.
I leave. Now you say your compliment to him.

Speaker 3 Niall,

Speaker 3 I love your voice so much.

Speaker 2 Oh, cool. Thanks.

Speaker 2 Your biceps.

Speaker 2 Oh, thanks a lot. Your biceps are really good.
Oh, really? Yeah. I've been working on them.
Yeah, thanks a lot. Great.
Wonderful. Ah, the bathroom was nice.
No, I've got a boner.

Speaker 2 No, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, he has a boner.

Speaker 2 He has a boner. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 He got a boner.

Speaker 2 Because of me. No, no, no.
He got a boner because of you. No, he flirted.
He flirted with you. No, I'm finished.

Speaker 2 No. I'm finished.
No. You red fuck.
No. Yeah, yeah.
See what happened? Wow. That's exactly how it happened.
Very good.

Speaker 2 Very good. So now you learn about Yoko Ono.
That's

Speaker 2 who she is. Let me just say this too, though.

Speaker 2 Play a little bit of Yoko singing. No, no, no, to stop for top first.
Don't even do that yet. All right.
Is this that

Speaker 2 Sean Lennon,

Speaker 2 John's son? So Yoko and John had a son

Speaker 2 named Sean. I'm a huge fan of his.
He's dope. He's a great musician.
He sounds just like his dad. Super talented guy.
Yeah. And there was a time where him and I were.

Speaker 2 DMing? DMing each other on Instagram, right? Cool, very nice. And I'm like, holy fuck.
So then Jeremiah Watkins, that's Sean Lennon. That's Sean.

Speaker 2 Jeremiah Watkins asked me to do his podcast and he has a Yoko Ono wig,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 And so I put the Yoko wino, you know,

Speaker 2 I did the thing, you know what I mean? And we do the impression. There's there.
Ever since I did that impression on his show, he won't DM me back.

Speaker 2 So I don't want to make fun of his mom. I think it's because I'm making fun of his mom.
We just did it for popular.

Speaker 2 I understand that, but I don't want to continue because maybe there's still a chance. Doubt it? Probably not.
I doubt it.

Speaker 2 I killed it. Yeah.
I love him so much. Does he know that we're comedians? This is half of the fun.
And also, probably a lot of it's in my mind. A lot of it's in our minds.
Probably it's in my mind.

Speaker 2 But it's real. It's definitely real.
It's 100%.

Speaker 2 It's fucking hateful.

Speaker 2 I lose sleep over it. I know.
But I'm a huge. That's his mom.
But Sean,

Speaker 2 he has another son named Julian.

Speaker 2 And Julian has one of my favorite songs of all time. What is it? Why don't you sing it for us, Julian?

Speaker 2 Give me the lyrics. I don't need this music, but I just need the lyrics.
I can sing you the whole song. Well, give it to me.
I mean, we can't. Give me the lyrics.
What are the songs? Saltwater.

Speaker 2 Oh, Julian Lennon's saltwater. Yeah.
And if you listen to the lyrics, it really means a lot. All right, here you go.
Right? Here's the lyrics right here. But I need it

Speaker 2 185 for him to read it, which we made fun of. Me and we'll talk about that later.

Speaker 2 We are a rock revolving

Speaker 2 around a golden sun.

Speaker 2 We are a billion children rolled into one.

Speaker 2 So when I hear about the hole in the sky,

Speaker 2 salt water wells in my eyes.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is a good idea. Yeah, it's about the environment.
It's a good song. Yeah, yeah.
And he's been singing about it since the 80s, so he knew about it.

Speaker 2 So he knew that the earth was about the earth. I'll read you another line.
We can all learn from it. I'd love to hear another line.
Love it.

Speaker 2 We climb the highest mountain. We make the desert bloom.
We're so ingenious we can walk on the moon. Well, maybe.

Speaker 2 But when I hear of how the forests have died, he knew about the trees, they were dying back then. Well, yeah, he's a whistleblower.
Well, we were deforesting for a long time.

Speaker 2 I know, but he knew about it. He was whistleblowing.
Everybody did. No, he didn't.
Okay, I think he was the first guy. Okay, he wasn't.
Listen to the lyrics, dude. It tells on itself.
Ready?

Speaker 2 What's more?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 where am I dying? So, the forests have died. So, what?

Speaker 2 I have lived for love, but now that's not enough. For the world I love is dying, and now I'm crying.

Speaker 2 And time is not a friend, no friend of mine. A friends were out of time, and it's slowly passing.
Anyway, I don't want to sing the whole song, but I don't like this song. Why?

Speaker 2 I just, you know.

Speaker 2 He's a guy.

Speaker 2 So much stuff about. I know, but he back in the day, we didn't know about the environment back in the 80s.
And yet we did. And we did it.
And he was like, I'm going to write a song like my daddy did.

Speaker 2 Did he have an accent?

Speaker 2 What, Julian? Isn't he from New York? No, no, Julian has an accent. Does he? Yeah.
Was he born in England? Yeah, he is. Oh.

Speaker 2 His other son was born in this.

Speaker 2 My dad used to sing about it. I'm going to sing one.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine if you would get a British

Speaker 2 a role on a British show? I would get fired. Day one.
They will read. They're like,

Speaker 2 Bobby, look, all you have to do is come in the room, right and tell the king that his horses are ready. That's the scene.
That's all we want you to do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you got to have a British accent bud because it's back then. Okay, so and action the horses are dying

Speaker 2 First of all, they're ready. They're not dying

Speaker 2 the horses are ready

Speaker 2 What's the line? The horses are so nervous because you know I'm an English actor. Yeah, and I love Benedict Cumberpatch.
I know he's in this he's in this movie.

Speaker 2 They're in this movie in the scene acting. They're in the scene.
They're sitting at the table.

Speaker 2 What's the line again? I'm sorry. I know.
I read the script, but all my favourite. Your Highness.
Your Highness. The horses are ready.
The horses are ready. Already, you ready?

Speaker 2 Here we go. And action.

Speaker 2 Your Highness. Yes, my liege.

Speaker 2 Your horses are ready.

Speaker 2 Why do we.

Speaker 2 Sorry, can I get it again? I'm a huge fan, by the way, Benedict.

Speaker 2 Can I get another shot? So that's that's it. That's it.
You're fired immediately. That's it? I did two shots at it.
It was so bad. You do it.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Ready? Well, can I have conversations with my kid? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Hello, so how's your teeth this morning?

Speaker 2 That guy's getting fired.

Speaker 2 Are you a new guy?

Speaker 2 We're going to say this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Since the camera's on you. Yeah.
And I'm doing the reverse. Yeah.
Right. It doesn't matter how I sound.
You're right. Right? All right.
Because

Speaker 2 when you turn the camera around to me, I'm going to nail it. You didn't even get into character.
I'm getting into my character, by the way. Oh, yeah, because you have a hunchback.
Well, I know.

Speaker 2 I live out in the barn. Yeah, you do.
Yeah, you do. I know who I am.
All right, ready? Sweetie. How was your tea and crumpets? My lord.
Hello, one second, please. My lord.

Speaker 2 Sweetie, I'm talking to the queen. The horses.

Speaker 2 I know. Hold on.
My lord, the horses.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hold on.
They're ready.

Speaker 2 The horses, my lord, are ready. Are you seeing the horses already? The horses.
They're ready.

Speaker 2 I've put new shoes on them. Sweetie, good news.
The horses are ready. You think I could nibble on a chicken, bone?

Speaker 2 Listen. But that was good.
But this is the director now. He's asking for more lines.
No improvising. Sorry.
I'm so sorry. No improvising.
Aaron Sorkin wrote this. Oh, I apologize.
Word for word.

Speaker 2 Right to the book. Thank you.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 Very good. Scene's over.
You can go back to your trailer. Oh, am I fired? No.

Speaker 2 I'm hot. I did.
We were rewriting the script about you. The whole movie's about you now.
You know how one line, you changed it. I took it to the top.
They're all fired.

Speaker 2 You're firing Benedict and Cake. Benedict Adca.
Yeah. The whole movie is you.
And it's just me on the poster.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And then there'll be like stories about it, right? He did one line.

Speaker 2 It changed the fucking fabric of show businesses.

Speaker 2 Those black interviews

Speaker 2 where the celebrities are sitting there and it's all black and they're like, what it did was more than art. It was revolutionary.
It was life-changing. And they cut to me going, the horses are ready.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I would love to do a British role once. I would love to play.
I want to try one time for something like that. Well, you're good at accents.
Yeah, but I would do cockney.

Speaker 2 I can't do like proper British is tough. Like, you know how fancy is

Speaker 2 he's fancy Spanish? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, like, that's harder to do than,

Speaker 2 well, what's the other way to say it, fans?

Speaker 2 Less fancy Spanish. Less fancy Spanish.
Less fancy Spanish. Street Spanish.
He doesn't speak street Spanish. You know that, right?

Speaker 2 Like in Mexico, you could tell people use street terms when they were talking to him. He doesn't use those words.
That's interesting.

Speaker 2 I've never, because, you know, in America, we obviously all speak American, right? English, I mean. No, no, no, you're right.

Speaker 2 I speak American. You guys speak English.
I speak American too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We speak English, right? No, we speak American. Anywho.
The British speak the English.

Speaker 2 But we all, but in Spain, obviously, in different parts of the country, they have different dialects

Speaker 2 and accents. Yeah.
Right. And I'm sure because we also have our like, the urban guy.
We have dialects. We have urban dialects.
Southern. Does Spanish have an urban dialect?

Speaker 2 So come in here.

Speaker 2 No, fans, tell us. Fancy, come in here.
No, no, tell us from there. He's on Korean.
Yeah, yeah. So you're a Spanish hip-hop music producer.
You're trying to just say a black Spanish guy?

Speaker 2 No, he's white, but you know how some white, like I did a thing in Korea for JYP.

Speaker 2 What is that? JYP is like the puff daddy of Korea. JYP? Yeah.
Can we get him on the show? He's in Korea, but so he called me and he goes years ago, he goes, yo, yo, what's up, dude?

Speaker 2 And I go, excuse me?

Speaker 2 Yo, yo, what's up, dude?

Speaker 2 I go, do who?

Speaker 2 Do you, bro? What's up? What's up, dude? And I go, who's this? JYP, dog. What's going on?

Speaker 2 Right? I go, who are you? I'm just the big puff daddy of Korea. He's the puff daddy of Korea.
He flies me first class. JYP, let me see.
JYP, Protection. He flies me first class.
To Korea. To Korea.

Speaker 2 That's when I did the fucking music video for the female group. Oh, right.
I saw photos of that. That's because

Speaker 2 JYP did it. JY Park? Yeah.
So this guy is P. Diddy.
Yeah, that's the P. Diddy.
Wow. That's my boy.
So, like, you know, even Koreans have a guy that has slang, that's the slang guy.

Speaker 2 So the Spanish people have that guy. Do you have that, fans? Yeah.
They're called Mexicans.

Speaker 2 That's.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Wait, that joke is so good. So good.
That joke is so good. It made me not laugh.
That is so good. It made me so jealous.
It was so good. I paused.

Speaker 2 I paused and I let it absorb. That is so fucking funny.
Here's what I want for the edit. Yeah.
I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.
I want you to loop that clip four or five times over and over.

Speaker 2 Over again. Yeah, they're called Mexican.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're called Mexican. Yeah, yeah.
How serious.

Speaker 2 Seriously funny. Woo! Very good.

Speaker 2 Very good, fans. Is this guy...
How do you think about JYP? Do you like this guy?

Speaker 2 No. Do you know who he is? He's 60 years old in that photo.
He looks pretty good to me. Wait, do you know who this man is?

Speaker 3 No, but

Speaker 3 his eyebrows seem like angry birds.

Speaker 2 He does look like an angry bird. He looks like an angry bird.
He looks like an angry bird.

Speaker 2 JYP is an angry bird now.

Speaker 2 Look at him. Will you side by side an angry bird picture with that?

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding.
He's so good. So dead on.
Which angry bird does he look like? The yellow one? Yeah, I think he's a good one. Don't, because he's Asian.
Don't do that.

Speaker 2 Let me have that. It's funny.
Another good one. Come on.
Two Two for the other one. It's another one.
The Mexicans are now fucking yellow.

Speaker 2 I love that. He's not the red one.
No, it's that one. Yeah, the eyebrows.
It's the red one. No, the

Speaker 2 yellow one. The yellow one.
Where's the yellow one? Let me see. Go right there.
It's in the middle. Bam, right.
Middle. Down.
Middle. There.
Boom. Zoom in.
Yeah. That's JYP.
That's JYP.

Speaker 2 That is it. That's JYP.

Speaker 2 J-Y-P right there. The little yellow one.
I think still the red. You do? Yeah.
I'm going to go with you. I think she's right.
Oh, that's yellow. Yellow.
It's the yellow guy. Oh, really? Okay.

Speaker 2 I'll go yellow. I don't know why we're arguing against it, but why is that even a thing? Because she's hitting a couple of home runs.
She's very good. She knows what she's doing.

Speaker 2 What have you been up to?

Speaker 2 Are you going back to Hawaii? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You guys just buy a house there. You guys are there every fucking week.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, seriously, you're there so much. Why don't you just go move there?

Speaker 3 I don't know. At the Kalila won't buy.

Speaker 2 Can you go to school? You go to school out there. My neighbor goes to school in Hawaii.
My neighbor's daughter goes to school in Hawaii. She lives here?

Speaker 2 Well, her parents live here, but she's in college right now. She goes to college.

Speaker 2 Oh, you out there why don't you go to college out there i want to no we because we cover this yeah but we'll just fly her back if she flies back every week anyway what's the difference yeah and you know she's you're happy at your college now right yeah yeah that sounded so fake

Speaker 2 i mean she's not doing anything are you meeting anybody no any boys no any girlfriends

Speaker 2 one girlfriend one girlfriend you went to the harry styles concert with yeah oh that girl that's who you went with

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Speaker 2 Go to your local grocery store. Sure.
Grab some meat. Yeah.
Then order some Butcher Box. Yeah.
Compare the two. Compare the two.

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All right, last night, last night we had a nice dinner. Yes.
And I want to thank you.

Speaker 2 I'm being genuine right now. Well, so last night.
I picked up the tab for Jim Pachi, which was not cheap. Well, I didn't even know.
I was a little shocked when I got the fucking thing. Because so.

Speaker 2 Nick Schwartzon's in town. He's back living in L.A.
again. He's back living in L.A.
He was away for years. A year and a half.
And

Speaker 2 I had to go say hi. So we went and had sushi at Jim Pachi.
And like an idiot, I went,

Speaker 2 and I only had two things. I ordered like really light things.
Like, I'll have one yellow. You had one cut roll

Speaker 2 and one piece of sushi. Right.
And like an idiot, I go, I'll take the tab. And Schwartzen looked at me and was like, what is he doing?

Speaker 2 I know. Immediately, I'm like, I go, I'm your friend.
I want to. And then as soon as I did one of those double glances,

Speaker 2 I got the bill. I went,

Speaker 2 But it was good to see him. It was awesome to see him.
Yeah, yeah. He was so good.
I'm so happy he was back in town. And then we went into the spot together.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I didn't have a spot, but I came to the improv. And this is what I love about

Speaker 2 the pandemic being over.

Speaker 2 Being up there, because I wasn't going up, and I was up on top of the stairs at the improv to watch Nick go up, right? With all those people, it just made me feel like a part of the community again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a little bit more alive again. It feels good.
It was great. It was really good to hang out with everyone, you know? And then when the store was awesome, too.
The store was fun as well.

Speaker 2 But yeah, so we went to go get food. After you guys ate pizza, Griff was in the parking lot and I said, let's go.

Speaker 2 Fahim said, I'm hungry.

Speaker 2 And all that's open is like pink taco. Yeah.
I like pink taco, though. Yeah.
And I said, okay, I'll go over there. I said, I'll have chips and salsa.
I already ate sushi. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Griff was like, well, yeah. I mean, I don't need to eat.
I'm not going to drink. And I was like, well, do you want to come hang out? Yeah, fine.
So he comes over there. We're hanging out.

Speaker 2 We're sitting there. He's like, nine burritos.
He goes, maybe I'll get myself some steak tacos.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. And literally then two steak tacos comes.
And then chips come and salsa comes. Yeah.
And then queso comes. Oh, of course.
And then he plays it off. Dude, he plays it off.

Speaker 2 He goes like this. He goes, what's that? Soup? Which one?

Speaker 2 He knows what it is. Soup.

Speaker 2 You knew it was queso before they even took it out of the fucking thing. Dude, when they put it down, and he was like, I'm going to dip some chips on that soup.
And I was like, that's cheese, dude.

Speaker 2 That's not soup. It's so obviously cheese.
It's so funny. Yeah, and then Theo came.
We ate some food. It was really good.

Speaker 2 You showed up to him? Yeah. Because he's back in town for a couple days again.
Yeah. People are coming back a little bit before everyone goes for the holidays.
Yeah, it's

Speaker 2 going to go to Arizona, by the way, after the new year.

Speaker 2 She got her booster. No, my mom, my mom, it's weird.
My mom will go say stuff like, I'll see you in six months.

Speaker 2 Like, so far away. Like,

Speaker 2 she doesn't want to see us physically. Why? Because she's a hoarder.
Oh. Yeah.
Let me see if caller. It's a caller.
Does she she really does collect everything in the house?

Speaker 2 Does she have like a bad habit of like stocking up on stuff and overbuying and all that shit? Yeah, but she also um does she have animals too? No, she has no animals, but she also you know, she has a

Speaker 2 B B um

Speaker 2 B L M? Not B L B L M the other one. BTK.
What is that B T K? That's a B T K.

Speaker 2 BTS.

Speaker 2 she has a sorry she has a bts obsession you know that yeah so she

Speaker 2 screenshots all day long photos of them online i know you told me and then probably masturbates then she watches all the korean dramas all that stuff she eats whatever she wants because we you know we send her money right and she lives like a queen but she doesn't want to see us how much money do you think you send her i i already wait how much i already know i'm the one that sends it how much i i've i've since which it doesn't seem like a lot but if you think of well she already has money right from your dad?

Speaker 2 No. When your dad died, he didn't leave any money.
He left her no money. Nothing.

Speaker 2 So for the last 20 years, I've every month, for the last 20 years, I've sent her $3,500 a month. Every month? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's great.
And she doesn't spend a lot, so she just saves it. Yeah, she's not doing anything.
She's not doing that. Let's call her.

Speaker 2 She's not going to pick up. There's no way.

Speaker 2 Please pick up. I know.
What's her mom's name? Jeannie.

Speaker 2 Love that.

Speaker 2 There's no way she'll pick up. Please pick up.

Speaker 2 Her own son?

Speaker 2 Her own son? The love of her life?

Speaker 2 She's looking at it right now. Hey, by the way, rolling her eyes.
With every ring, $3,400.

Speaker 2 Yeah. $3,300.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Voicemail? Hello?

Speaker 2 Mom?

Speaker 4 Mom! Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm doing my podcast with my friend Andrew in L.A. Hi, Mom.

Speaker 2 Oh, hi.

Speaker 2 No, just me and my friend Andrew.

Speaker 2 Andrew? Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's a white piece of shit, Mom. Yay.

Speaker 2 No, no, that's Jeremiah. She met Jeremiah.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
No, Mom. Jeremiah is ugly, huh? Yeah, I'm handsome.

Speaker 4 He's a very yamjane.

Speaker 2 Yamjane. He's nice.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what you say about ugly people. They're nice.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Wait till you see me. So, what are you doing right now, mom?

Speaker 2 Mom, can you not speak in Korean?

Speaker 2 I like that you translate.

Speaker 2 Can you speak in English?

Speaker 4 I can.

Speaker 2 Okay, good.

Speaker 4 I'm going on a way to

Speaker 4 lifetime fitness.

Speaker 2 Lifetime fitness? She's going to get jabbed. What are you going to do there? Squats?

Speaker 2 Exercise.

Speaker 2 What exercise? What do you do there, Ma?

Speaker 4 Swimming and exercise.

Speaker 2 Oh, they're two different things.

Speaker 4 Yeah, it's the same place.

Speaker 2 Oh, the same place. Do you know that Bobby has never exercised?

Speaker 4 No, I know he exercises every morning to get up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a lot of work to just get up.

Speaker 2 You think me getting up is exercise, Mom?

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, to me, that's it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It goes free, yeah.

Speaker 4 My insurance is paying. Yeah.
Otherwise, I have to wait $100 a month.

Speaker 2 Oh, for for the insurance is paying for the membership? Oh, they're paying for the membership?

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, they uh yeah, they pay for me.

Speaker 2 That's great, great. What are you doing?

Speaker 4 Taking baths and everything there, you know.

Speaker 2 Are you still obsessed with the with the boy band, mom?

Speaker 4 Why?

Speaker 2 What's the boy called? BTS. You still obsessed with BTS?

Speaker 4 Yeah, they dead?

Speaker 2 No, they died, mom. It's a bad accident.
They died.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, they did. No, they died

Speaker 2 on a bus. They were on a bus, mom, and they just died.

Speaker 4 Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You gotta look it up, man. It's really sad.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, they. They all, mom.
They all died.

Speaker 4 They are performing right now in Sophia's stadium.

Speaker 2 That's how they were dying on the way to the stadium, mom.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they died. They're on a fiery.
They're on fire, mom. They're on fire, mom.

Speaker 4 Can you take me next to the concert?

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.
There'll be no one on stage because they're dead.

Speaker 2 No, you do it then. You do it.
Yeah, well, you'll put on the show. Oh, you want me to do the BTS song? You'd be a K-cop star.

Speaker 2 You could do it. Okay, I could do it.
That's what you want.

Speaker 4 You can do everything.

Speaker 2 That's what you've always wanted for me, right?

Speaker 4 I hurt you, okay?

Speaker 2 Okay, mom. Well, mom, I love you.
I'll see you you soon. When do you want me to come?

Speaker 4 January.

Speaker 2 I'll come in January. Can I come? Can my friend Andrew come?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, just come. Oma, Oma.

Speaker 2 Oma, Oma. My friend Andrew in Nemsena.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. And Oma, Oma.

Speaker 2 Not for Andrew. Gochu no more jokome.

Speaker 2 You know what you just said?

Speaker 2 This is the funniest thing. So I go,

Speaker 2 I go, Mom, my friend Andrew. No, I'm telling them what you just said.
So I said, Mom, Andrew has a small penis in Korean. And you know what she said? She goes, just like you.
In Korean, just like you.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I could hear it. Yes, you could hear it.
Yeah, just like you. I love you.
I miss you. I'll see you in January, okay?

Speaker 4 Yeah, January Kong Chioga Tawai Adams.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right.
I love you.

Speaker 2 No, text me every day. I love it.
We text each other every day. I love it.

Speaker 4 Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 Love you, baby.

Speaker 2 Okay. Bye.
Thank you for calling.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 2 That's so sweet. I know.
Lifetime fitness. Lifetime fitness.
She's getting

Speaker 2 clear, though. She seems happy.
Yeah, she doesn't seem like she's losing it. No, was she losing it?

Speaker 2 No, but all my family members on her side of the family, in the last three years of their lives, they get dementia. I know.
But she's still clear. How old is she now?

Speaker 2 81

Speaker 2 oh wow that's getting up there

Speaker 2 don't make me feel bad well she's gonna die maybe january might be too soon no don't say that no bro if you she dies in december

Speaker 2 and you said that i would have blame you bro

Speaker 2 oh

Speaker 2 that's my mom impression is that what you do with your face

Speaker 2 so racist Do your mom swims laps in the pool? That's incredible.

Speaker 2 What if there was an exchange program where you had to hook up with my mom? I had to hook up with your mom. Would you do it?

Speaker 2 Well, no. Because my mom is still young and agile.
My mom, from the raised lady, is an 81-year-old

Speaker 2 bro.

Speaker 2 Can I just say this, right? Tell me a new. I will, but in a second, hold on.

Speaker 2 This is because they do this as a test. The doctors, right?

Speaker 2 Her vagina is fresher than Elaine Chow's.

Speaker 2 Elaine Chow's, it's better. No chance.
It's better than... 81.
81. Okay.
How old is your mom? In her 60s.

Speaker 2 Pretty good. Big difference.
I know. But still, we could swap maybe my grandma or something.
No. That's closer to an age.
My grandmother's closer to an age. We're swapping moms.
My grandmother's 91.

Speaker 2 Should we call her and see if she's around? Yeah, yeah, call her.

Speaker 2 She's the best. My grandmother's literally the great.
But it's no, it's not late. What am I saying? I didn't even know what time it was.
All right. She probably won't answer.
But be nice.

Speaker 2 Seriously, don't say anything fucked up. Don't say anything fucked up.
I'll be mad as fuck.

Speaker 2 I don't know what fucked up is.

Speaker 2 I don't know what fucked up is. The same way I treated your mom.
Very nice. Okay, what's her name? Aunt B.
We call her Nana. I'm going to call Aunt B.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hey, Nana.
Hi, sweetie. Hi, sweetheart.
How are you, my boy? Good, babe. I'm on my podcast right now.
You're on my podcast right now with me and Bobby Lee, the little fat Korean guy.

Speaker 2 You remember him? I showed you pictures of him.

Speaker 2 Yes, I do. Here I I am.
Hi, I'm the fat Korean guy. Hi.
Nana, remember?

Speaker 2 Nana, member when Poppy was in the Korean War?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
He was fighting these scumbags that I'm sitting next to right now. Yeah, I'm a little too young to.
I wasn't in the Korean War.

Speaker 2 No, he went. No, he was hiding in a washroom someplace.

Speaker 2 But also, the Americans fought with the Koreans. That's right.

Speaker 2 So we're the same team. We were friends.
Yeah, yeah. Nana, what are you doing right now?

Speaker 2 Not a thing, honey. Not a thing.
You're hanging around the house?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I'm hanging.

Speaker 2 I'm hanging. All right.
Well, we just wanted to call and say hi, and I love you. I'm coming back in a month to come say hi.
I'm going to go do something

Speaker 2 for a promo. I'm going to come see you.
We'll go back out to lunch.

Speaker 4 Oh, honey, I love that. I love it that you're so thoughtful and good to me.

Speaker 2 Oh, well, I love you to death, babe. You're the best.

Speaker 4 I can tell by saying you're so good to me.

Speaker 2 I love you. Well, I love you, Tootsie.
I'll call you later. I'm going to let you go, okay?

Speaker 2 Okay. Nice to meet you.

Speaker 2 Say bye to Bobby, Nana. Bye-bye, Nanny.
Bye-bye. Bye, babe.
Love you. Bye-bye.
Bye. Love you.
Love you both. Love you both.
Love you, babe. Bye.

Speaker 4 Bye-bye, honey.

Speaker 2 She's the greatest. 91, dude.
Bro. She does love you.
You almost made me cry just now. Did you hear the joke that she made?

Speaker 2 She's so sweet. So sweet.
She loves you so much. And that was such a nice thing.
That was like really sweet. Bob.

Speaker 2 I don't know. That just hit me fucking hard.
I don't know why. She's so fucking pure and

Speaker 2 so full of joy. And you're a piece of shit.
You really are.

Speaker 2 You're like one of the worst human beings I've ever fucking met. And still another human being likes evil.

Speaker 2 No, I don't. Dude, when,

Speaker 2 dude,

Speaker 2 when a whole human being is so good in their nature that they see a piece of shit and an evil piece of shit and they go and they go,

Speaker 2 I love that.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 and it's like you should love it

Speaker 2 you know i mean because it's not lovable

Speaker 2 it's not a lovable thing

Speaker 2 it's not a lovable thing this is the best acting you've ever done i really this is really good

Speaker 2 that woman she's the best is the best man i love her to watch you're you're a piece of shit dude did you hear what the joke she and i can't understand why she loves you but it's fucking amazing that's it gave me so much confidence in the human condition, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm a lovely person. No, you're not.
You're a fuck, fucking awful human being. Look at you.
Yeah. Look at you.

Speaker 2 Fuck, man. Thanks for watching.
That was pure, dude, babe.

Speaker 2 Me undies.

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Me undies. You're wearing it too.
I'm wearing it too. And it makes us really close.

Speaker 2 And you know what? What? Right now I've got my little pizzas on. Yeah, I have my.
I'm

Speaker 2 my little porcupines. And the thing is, is that when I know you're wearing your meundies, and I'm wearing my pizza.
No matter where you are in the country, I can feel it.

Speaker 2 When I put it on twins, it's like and you get hurt.

Speaker 2 I feel it. I can feel it.
Miandi's is great. You guys know what Miyundi's.
We've talked about it a lot.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I like it.
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I'm going to yell at you, man. I got a box bag.
Yeah, you got all kinds of stuff, man. You got that thing where you sharpen the knife.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What a narrative.

Speaker 2 Pumble?

Speaker 2 Pummelstone? I think.

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Speaker 2 Your grandmother. I took her out to lunch.
Is that your mother's side? It's my mom's mom. You can tell.
It's the only one I got left. Oh.
Because my dad's dad died

Speaker 2 in the middle of COVID, not from COVID. He died because he was just old.
You know what's crazy? I called him on his birthday like

Speaker 2 the week before he died, and he sounded amazing. It was wild.
Oh, it stinks because when they get older like that, you don't know. You don't know.
You don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's why I keep, every time I go home, I make sure I see her as much as I can. We went out to lunch and she was funny as shit.
She was like, she's tiny, dude. She's this big.
And I was like.

Speaker 2 Perfect guy for me.

Speaker 2 I mean, let's be honest. Perfect guy for me.
Yeah. No, let's talk about it.
No.

Speaker 2 We're not talking about it. How big is your mom?

Speaker 2 4'8.

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 2 Five for you, too. Little backpack for me.
Yeah. Jump on my backpack.
I got the little legs right here. Backpack? Spin her around.
Your grandma? Front pack.

Speaker 2 I have a front pack right now. Fanny pack.
Her face is right here, dude. Fanny pack.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Nope. I do jabs.
Nope. I do tongue jabs for her face.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll do tongue jabs. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I get to meet your mom first. I get to to meet your grandma.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm going to, I'm going in January. I'm going to wherever your grandma lives.
Come to Chicago. Go for it.
I dare you to come to Chicago. What do you mean, dare? I go there all the time.

Speaker 2 You won't come with me just to go meet my family. But I'll go.

Speaker 2 I'll be there. I would, you know what? Dude, I would take you.
At this point in our relationship,

Speaker 2 with all our fights and all our bullshit. And our love.

Speaker 2 Love, yeah. I would totally go.
I would totally go. Well, I'm playing the Chicago Theater in February.
You should come in February. Yeah.
You want to do that? No. Just come.

Speaker 2 I have so much dates myself. I don't know what's going on.
Yeah, you're going back to Hungary. Yeah.
You're going back. You want to talk about that? You're shooting your movie.

Speaker 2 You got to go all the way back to Hungary to shoot half of a scene.

Speaker 2 Yeah, with the movie I did last year, they need reshoots. Yeah.
I'm excited. Why? Because.

Speaker 2 To see the celebrities.

Speaker 2 You are excited to see the celebrities. That's so gross to say it like that.
That's exactly who you are. No, I'm not.
No, fuck you, dude. Yes, you are.
No. Let's take a vote.

Speaker 2 Let's take a vote. Is he excited to go back for the See the Celebrities?

Speaker 2 Raise your hand if it's a yes. Rudy, yes.
That's two, three. The four to nothing, four to one.
You're so excited. Or can you say it like this? I'm ready to go back to see my people.

Speaker 2 You know what Bobby said to me when we were sitting in the raptors of the improv? This is verbatim. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm Bobby. Don't lie, though.
I'm Bobby. Okay.
We're sitting next to each other. Don't lie, though.
I'm not. We're sitting next to each other.
And he goes like this.

Speaker 2 Look at this up here. This is awesome.
I said, yeah, it is great. And he goes, I like being in places where other people can't get to.
I was like, exclusive places he goes exclusive places

Speaker 2 you loved it you loved so and you go and you go up these stairs and you go they can't you go they can't get up here

Speaker 2 they go you go they can't get up here

Speaker 2 you what did you say you fucking say what you said say what you said you

Speaker 2 dip shit dip what say what you said i i pervet him Pervetum? How do you say it? Verbatim? Verbatum. Pervetum.
Verbatum. From now on, it's called pervatum.
Pervatum. All right.
This is what I said.

Speaker 2 And repeat to me, Pervetum, what you said. Pervetum upstairs.
Pervatumly, I'm going to tell you what I said. Pervetumly.

Speaker 2 I go, I think I opened up by saying, young chap.

Speaker 2 I said, young chap. Yes, I did.
This is pervetim. Pervetum, dude.
All right. Young chap.
Right?

Speaker 2 It's nice up here, I said. I agreed.
And I said, I wish, right?

Speaker 2 Everyone. Oh, fuck up.
I did. I wish everyone can be up here.
Nobody believes you. Yes.
Literally, nobody believes you. I I didn't fucking say that.
Fucking tell the audience I didn't say that.

Speaker 2 That's so gross. Do you think after all these years, they don't know who you really are? These people know what you're, these people know you love exclusivity.

Speaker 2 I said it. I said it.

Speaker 2 But I said it. Rudy, does it sound like something he would say? Yeah.
I said it thinking that you weren't going to say anything about it. We talk, you talk like this all the time.

Speaker 2 You talk like this on the show about exclusivity. You love it.
You love to go to hotels where people can't get to you a little bit. You love the little fancy.
You love being fancy.

Speaker 2 You're fancier than fancy. Bro, you're fancy as well.
You know it. You're the most fancy guy.
You're the most fancy guy. You're so much more fancier than me, dude.
You love golden goose shoes.

Speaker 2 You love like a little fancy car. I love high-tech fucking golf bags.
High-tech golf bags I buy? Yeah, yeah. Which one did I buy? I look at your golf bags and they're high-tech.

Speaker 2 Where are my golf bags? You've never seen my golf cars. Yes, I have from the back of your nice fancy cars.
Let's look at our cars.

Speaker 2 We're not going to talk about our cars, but your car

Speaker 2 is brand new. Right.
It is. I just got it.
And it's one of those fancy six

Speaker 2 figures. No, it's not.
Yes, it is. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 I guarantee it. It's a fucking Nissan Cube.
You can look it up. It's 40,000.
It's a six-figure fucking car. There's not a cube.
It's not a cube. Now, regardless of what it is, now look at my car.

Speaker 2 That should be enough. You don't care about cars.
I don't care about any of it. I'm not any of it.

Speaker 2 I don't care about any of it. You're telling me you don't like fancy shit?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Are you fucking telling me you don't like fancy shit? I don't like fancy shit. Rudy, fucking pipe up.

Speaker 3 He loves all the fancy things and he buys everything every day. I don't understand.

Speaker 2 I pipe up. You gotta let her finish.
You start, you, you talk it up. Sit up straight and fucking let him have it.
Tell me the stuff he buys, the fancy shit he's into. Give it to him, Rude.

Speaker 3 He buys so many shoes, but he doesn't wear it.

Speaker 3 He buys clothes, and I only see him wear one time.

Speaker 2 One time. All brand name, by the way.
Fancy brands. Fancy brands.

Speaker 3 He buys beanies.

Speaker 2 Lots of fancy beanies.

Speaker 2 lots of perfume a lot of food food food you need though that one i can't combat

Speaker 2 and that's it

Speaker 2 interesting jackets jackets fancy jackets he had a leather jacket last night a fancy leather jacket leather jacket

Speaker 2 it's funny um

Speaker 2 i do that i do i use my money for ridiculous things yeah but i also use my money for things like um paying for

Speaker 2 things that people in the house need. I agree with this.
Like someone that's not even blood related.

Speaker 2 Is there a non-blood person in your house? Imagine somebody not blood related. Wait, someone that's not related to your family lives in your home? Lives in my home.
Rent-free. Rent-free.

Speaker 2 Food, payment-free?

Speaker 2 Food-free.

Speaker 2 Cell phone? Be honest with me. Do I ever say, you want shoes over at the mall? Yeah, you asked.
Yeah, yeah. Just...
Looking at someone that's not blood-related. Not blood.

Speaker 2 To lock eyes with them goes, hey, man, get whatever you want. You ever does he say that to you, whatever you want?

Speaker 2 Wow, yeah, so do you want to take back some of the fucking bullshit you just said? No,

Speaker 2 I'm just being honest. Yeah, I know, but I'm saying there's two sides to every coin, but the truth is, you're fancy as fuck.
Stop pretending you're not fancy.

Speaker 2 Can you admit you're fancy and we can both be fancy? Let's ask the guys, let's ask the boys then. Yeah, Pete.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Andres.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 what did they say?

Speaker 2 Say Pete again. I was Pete.
Ready? Yeah. Pete.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what he did.

Speaker 2 That's what he did. I was moving the mic towards my face.
No, go ahead, fans. Fantastic.
Go ahead and you give me a bite. Would you say we're both fancy?

Speaker 2 Yes. Thank you.
That's it. They can't even hear that.
You're not even on the mic. He just said it.
He just said yes. Nobody hears it.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Thank you. We're both fancy.
I'm not afraid. Yeah.
In different ways. Yeah.
We're fancy in different ways. You like high-tech golf bags.
I don't even own high-tech. I don't even know what nice bags.

Speaker 2 I know. I like nice cars.
That's the thing. I do like nice cars.
I've been to your house. Your house is like a fucking showroom.
Well, that's because we're trying to sell it.

Speaker 2 It's a furniture showroom. What did you say? He's just clean.
He's clean? I am very clean.

Speaker 2 You have nice things. I am very clean.
Ava, but you have nice things as well. I'm actually souping up my car next to your house.
I told you. I literally

Speaker 2 across the street from you. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. That's another thing.
That's ridiculous. So you already have an expensive car.
It's not, no, it's not that expensive.

Speaker 2 And then what are you going to do extra to it? I'm going to, I'm, I'm doing, I'm doing a thing. Tom Segura, actually.
No, what? Tom Segura, you're buying Tom. Fuck Tom.

Speaker 2 What do you do extra with your car? Tom's the one that introduced me to the car. What are you doing extra with your car? This is a good point.
I'm adding. You're adding what?

Speaker 2 I'm adding about 250 horsepower to the engine. Right.
Now. Yeah.

Speaker 2 When I buy a car. People that love it.
No, no, okay.

Speaker 2 When I buy a car.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 when I fucking buy a car,

Speaker 2 when I look at the fucking, you know, how fast it goes, right? I just accept what's on the thing. You don't look at it.
It goes to 80 or 100. That's the limit.
Not fuck face.

Speaker 2 you're so fancy you're like you know what now fuck it i'm gonna go extra hundred no for no reason i'm never gonna be able to use it yeah it's stupid it's based on your ego no no no and it's extra fancy shit that we all don't need in our lives i like fast cars so listen everybody right anybody who likes fast cars

Speaker 2 food

Speaker 2 paying rent right you're you're you have a family member that's sick that they they need right and you can't get the funds this fuck he's putting more horsepower into his engine.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's fancy. Okay, but that's

Speaker 2 what does that have to do with people dying? I just want to make the point.

Speaker 2 What? I can't.

Speaker 2 You die knowing that. Any fan out there that likes cars will understand exactly why.
I've never in my life. Let me tell you something.
My first car, Hyundai Sonata. Beautiful car.

Speaker 2 Started at the bottom. All right.
Beautiful car. No, it's a fine car.
I'm saying I started there, just like any average person. I was paying $189 a month.
I was working hard to keep that car.

Speaker 2 For the first time in my life, I bought a car. I got to actually buy it and didn't just lease it or rent it.
Okay, I want to make it as nice as I can because I bought it. I got to buy a car.

Speaker 2 And guys that like cars know you can do a stage one or stage two turnip, and they take the fucking turbo, they send it to Germany, and Germany blesses it. They say, God bless this engine.

Speaker 2 Germany takes it, literally. And they go, Okay, we have your turbo, and we're going to make it the fancy, and then there is a turbo.
And then they send it back to me. Right.

Speaker 2 And I put it back, they put it back in my car, and my car,

Speaker 2 it gets even more juice, power, and it's sexy. And I like that.
It's not for other people. It's for me.
I feel the same way about my shoes. And that's okay.

Speaker 2 And that's right. I feel the same way.
Okay, thank you. And that's okay.
I feel the same way about my shoes. And that's okay.

Speaker 2 And that's okay. Okay.
Don't roll your eyes. Let me see your eye roll.
Do it again to him.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's good.
Yeah, I hate it. Right in the corner.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So when I'm. You don't like when people eye roll.
I don't like eye rolls. What do you think it is? It's like, get out of here, gook.

Speaker 2 That's not what that says.

Speaker 2 In my head, it does. You can't really roll your eyes, can you? Let me see if I can.

Speaker 2 You're looking up. Did I roll my eyes? It looked like you just looked up for a second.

Speaker 2 That's a good one, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You look like the emoji.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Why do you think you're getting so cocky and snappy back with Bob?

Speaker 3 Because he lets me.

Speaker 2 No, right. You're letting her get away with it.
I want her to be... You got to discipline this kid, dude.
No.

Speaker 2 I think she's getting more confident. Here's why I don't say anything because the shy girl that moved in two years ago couldn't even lock eyes with anybody.
An American. I agree.

Speaker 2 Because she was so intimidated by being in this country, right? And now she's locking eyes with people and she's fighting back. And I like that.
When we first met, she was so much more shy to me.

Speaker 2 I was scared of you. Yeah.
Are you scared now? No. No.
Not at all, right? Because he's been in bad moods and you haven't been scared. Like earlier today.
But I'm so sweet with her. I am very sweet.

Speaker 2 Can we talk about your mood now when we first started the podcast before? What was that all about? Because I feel like we're in a different space now. Get it!

Speaker 2 Fuck! Give me the fucking phones! Give me the fucking phones!

Speaker 2 Give me the phone!

Speaker 2 Fuck!

Speaker 2 So fucking mad! Fuck!

Speaker 2 Fuck me, dude. You're fucking Venmo.

Speaker 2 Fuck me. Look!

Speaker 3 God damn it.

Speaker 2 You go to fucking pay. Yeah.
You go to fucking pay.

Speaker 2 You go to fucking scan.

Speaker 2 And you scan the fucking code. Yeah.

Speaker 2 In the beginning, I swear to God, when you were screaming, I was like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 You didn't, you just couldn't figure out Venmo. It doesn't matter.
It's like the way to fuck. I know for you to react that way.
It's not that fucking hard. It's for you to react that way,

Speaker 2 even though it wasn't that hard. Because you're not ridiculous.
You're not dumb. Are you dumb? Yes.
Oh, okay. I'm fucking dumb.
Well, fuck. It's hard sometimes.
I decide, don't scream.

Speaker 2 When you're so dumb, sometimes it's hard for me to be around it. All right.
Well,

Speaker 2 that's me. Okay.

Speaker 2 What's this portion of the show?

Speaker 2 Rudy's going to do what? Go ahead, Andres, explain what you got.

Speaker 2 We have a really good scene for Jules. It's Jules on Pulp Fiction.
This is Jules from Pulp Fiction and you're Jules from Bad Friends. That's pretty great.
Let's hear Jules. Have you seen Pulp Fiction?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but I forgot about it.

Speaker 2 Great. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll give you $5,000 right now if you tell me who the black kid in the corner, the actor.

Speaker 2 Phil. I know you're nervous because you know I know his first name.
Yeah, I'm so scared right now. I'm scared.
Holy fuck. I know it.
No, don't say anything. You got to get it.

Speaker 2 His name is Phil. I mean, you know I know him.
You know I do know him. Yeah, but I'm not going to give you the money unless you tell me the name.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because he was on Mad. Yeah, I worked with him.
I know.

Speaker 2 And people don't know that because it doesn't really look like him in this movie. He doesn't, no.

Speaker 2 The first letter is an H of his last name? No. What's the first letter? I'm not going to, because it's a lot of money.
I'm not going to tell you anything about this. Please.

Speaker 2 This stinks. Okay.
Anyway, I'll just tell you, Phil Lamar.

Speaker 2 I knew it. I know.
You don't get the money. Go ahead.
So what are we going to do now? You have the...

Speaker 2 Do you have the dialogue and we can read it? I want to play the kid. Did you just shift and fart? Is that what you just did?

Speaker 2 My God. Can I tell you something about that scene? What? It's so loud how he's yelling at that kid.
And the gunshots? The cops would be there immediately.

Speaker 2 Imagine being in the apartment next door just playing video games. Yeah, and you hear, like, why did you run? Why does he look like Brad? You'd be like,

Speaker 2 what the fuck's going on over there, dude?

Speaker 2 Like, it's an apartment fucking complex in Santa Monica. Everyone would have heard them yelling at him for the fucking five minutes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, when you're like, you guys, I'm playing a game over here. You guys, what the fuck is happening? Like, for sure, people would have knocked on their door.
Yeah, when Donald Trump won 2016,

Speaker 2 the best day of your life. You best said that.
You called me and you go, dude, we did. we cried enjoy.
You go, we did it. Yeah, and I went and bought fucking 50 flags.
Right. Because I like to sew.

Speaker 2 No, I like to sew outfits from the flags. What kind of outfits? American outfits.

Speaker 2 Pure American outfits. American outfits.

Speaker 2 But Donald Trump won in 2016. So anyway, when he won, so

Speaker 2 you could hear crying, right? Like my neighbor's crying. Oh, because you were, because you lived in Beachwood Canyon.
Right, right. That's who lives up there.
So I remember

Speaker 2 the next day. Don't, please, the next day.
Not me, dude.

Speaker 2 I was in the valley. We were,

Speaker 2 I know you were. We were riding in our trucks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know.
We did it, boys. Yeah,

Speaker 2 the whole city of Burbank. Bam, bam, bam.

Speaker 2 Can I finish my point? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I went down to Orange County. So there's a lady crying, and I remember, like,

Speaker 2 the next day I went to my neighbor and I go, you were crying. She goes, no, the cries was from the other neighbor.

Speaker 2 I was hearing the cries from two buildings down. Holy shit.
So my point is, is that, and she was whimpering. She wasn't even, you know, she was whimpering.
I could hear it.

Speaker 2 So gunshots and a black guy screaming at the top of his lungs. I'm hearing all of it.

Speaker 2 That's why I call the police. That would be such a funny scene if we remade this scene and just showed all the people that heard this scene taking place.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like just a guy eating outside, like, what the fuck is going on? I'm like, it's so loud. Yeah.
They're so fucking sad. Or some guy, two kids playing Jenga.
Django, right?

Speaker 2 And the loudest, it's so loud, it fucking collapses. What does he look like?

Speaker 2 What the fuck, man?

Speaker 2 All right, let's see you guys do the king. You're obviously Brett.
I'm Brett, yeah. And you're definitely the Jules.
Yeah, ready? All right, let's do it.

Speaker 2 And you have to do it the same way he did it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Commitment. Commitment to it.
Jeremy. By the way, if you disrespect this role, that's one of the greatest actors of all time you're shitting on.
Yeah. Right? Brett doesn't matter.
Nobody knows Brett.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. No, that's mean.
Whoever Brett is, I'm sure he's a good actor. Sorry about that.
Go ahead. Go ahead.

Speaker 3 What does Marcellus Wallace look like?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 3 What country are you from?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 3 What ain't no country I've ever heard of. They speak English in.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 3 English, motherfucker! You speak it! Yes, yes, yes! Then you know what I'm saying! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Describe what Marcellus Wallace looks like! What?

Speaker 3 Say what again.

Speaker 3 Say what again.

Speaker 3 I dare you. I double dare you, motherfucker.
Say what? One more goddamn shit. Yay!

Speaker 2 He's black.

Speaker 3 Go on.

Speaker 2 He's bald.

Speaker 3 Does he look like a bitch? What?

Speaker 3 Does he look like a bitch?

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 3 Then why are you trying to fuck him like a bitch, Brett?

Speaker 3 Yes, you did. Yes, you did, Bret.
You tried to fuck him. No, no, no! Bar Marcelus Wallace don't like to be fucked by anybody except Mrs.
Wallace. You read the Bible, Brett? Yes.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 2 This is a good one to get through. Commit.
Commit. Commit.

Speaker 2 High energy commitment. I'm Vincent by the way.
Right, yeah, you're

Speaker 2 doing great. You gotta be.
You're doing great. I'm just holding a gun.

Speaker 3 Well, there's this passage I got memorized. Sort of fits this occasion.
Ezekiel 25, 17.

Speaker 3 The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the ini inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.

Speaker 3 Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brothers' keepers and the finer of lost children. And I will strike down

Speaker 3 thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Speaker 2 Very good, Jules.

Speaker 2 Very good, Jules. I'm sweating.
Very good, Jules. Can I tell you something? What? I didn't know it was that long, that line.
That's a long line.

Speaker 2 When you think back, you're like, and avenge it, and you know that part, but all the other stuff. That's a long line.
It's a hard line to say. It's a lot.
It's way, it's so much.

Speaker 2 And then it makes you earn a new level of respect for Samuel Jackson. He had to do that, and the timing was so good and the inflection, because when he goes

Speaker 2 furious anger, the way he does Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Fancy doesn't like him as an actor, by the way.

Speaker 2 Fancy says he's not that good. Salo Jackson is one of the best.
Yeah, I like him. No, you don't.
I like him. By the way, by the way, your character, Brett, because I wanted to not disrespect this guy,

Speaker 2 gentleman named Frank Whaley. Shout out to Frank Whaley.
Probably one of the best roles. Oh, my God.
He's working like a motherfucker. He has 122 titles on here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've been seeing him in a million things.

Speaker 2 I don't really recognize him that much. I think he was with Swimming with Sharks.
Do you ever see that movie?

Speaker 2 The movies he's got listed on here are Pulp Fiction, Broken Arrow, The Doors, Vacancy.

Speaker 2 I mean, he's done a fuckload of stuff. Swimming with Sharks.
Kevin Spacey, Frank Wiley. Wow.
You ever see Swimming with Sharks? No. Oh, my God.
You have to watch this fucking movie. Is it good?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. So Kevin Spacey,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 He plays a real executive. He's based on, I don't know what executive it is.

Speaker 2 Running

Speaker 2 this

Speaker 2 network, right? Or I think it's a network production company. And he is so nasty in it.
Kevin Spacey is. Yeah.
Frank Whaley

Speaker 2 is just like this meek assistant to this like executive,

Speaker 2 you know, mogul. Yeah.
And he fucking goes crazy. But you knew who's also in it is

Speaker 2 my favorite Mexican. What's his name? Pinicio del Toros.
Pinicio del Toro.

Speaker 2 What is this? What is this? Let's see how much you guys know about One Direction. About One Direction?

Speaker 2 What is this? Fill in the blanket. Oh, this is like finish the lyric?

Speaker 2 You don't know. Oh, oh, you don't know your

Speaker 2 hoe. No, you know, it can't be a-hoe.
It would just be one. It's one word, right? You don't know.
Oh, oh, you don't know. You don't know you're a hoe.

Speaker 2 Is it two words or is it one? It's just one. Whatever words I want it to be.
No, it's not. It's got to be one word.
Whatever I want it to be.

Speaker 2 It's not because we're trying to guess what one direction's lyric is. You don't know.
Oh, oh. You don't know, superstar? You're superstar? Yeah, Yeah, that doesn't make you.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, I'll sing it. All right, go ahead.
No, well, let us guess and then you'll get it. Yeah, you know it.
Yeah. So let us each get a couple guesses.
I know what it is. You don't know.
Oh, oh.

Speaker 2 You don't know you're confused. Confused.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Speaker 2 You don't know. Oh, oh.
You don't know you're mentally slow. Is that it? No.
You can't put an A in it. Mentally slow.
I said mentally slow. You said I'm mentally slow.

Speaker 2 No, I said, you don't know you're mentally slow. That's good.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You're mentally. That's one word.
So you're mentally.

Speaker 2 That's it mentally slow no no slow that's two words well oh oh it's got to run with oh oh oh it does well you don't know oh oh you don't know you're oh

Speaker 2 oh it could be you know what

Speaker 2 it could be oh it could be oh or it could be you don't know oh oh you don't know you're slow you that's it no you're slow you're slow what is the right one you don't know uh oh

Speaker 2 you don't know you're beautiful

Speaker 2 it's the tone i just didn't know the

Speaker 2 song. Did you notice it was the tone? Yeah.
I didn't know. It was the tone.
All right. Did I not guess it as you said it? I did.
All right. Go to the next one.
The story of my life. I take her home.

Speaker 2 I blank all night to keep her warm. And time is frozen.
Woo. All right.
The story of my life. I take her home.

Speaker 2 I call all night to keep her warm and tight. It's frozen.
Tight is frozen.

Speaker 2 Time is frozen.

Speaker 2 Oh, tight. Oh, time.

Speaker 2 I can't read it, Gloria. Let me start over.
The story of my life, I take her home. I confused.

Speaker 2 I confused all night long to keep her warm, and time is frozen.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, I know it. I already know it.

Speaker 2 I actually don't know what it is because I knew it.

Speaker 2 Story of my life. I take her home.
I fuck her face. Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2 That's it. I think that's it.
I heard the radio. Fuck her face.
Her face.

Speaker 2 Is that it? No.

Speaker 2 But I do know that, but she knows I know the tone. The story of my life.
I take her home a fuck all night to keep her warm. And time is frozen.

Speaker 2 What is it? It's not fuck all night? Drive.

Speaker 2 I take her home. I drive all night.
Dude, these guys need to get better lyrics. I drive all night.
What the fuck? All right, go ahead. What's the next one?

Speaker 2 There's a theme. It's about driving.

Speaker 2 All these motors.

Speaker 2 Let's go with the theme. Is that what it is? All these motors.

Speaker 2 All these motor heads.

Speaker 2 They can't blind me with your love. Nobody can drag me down.

Speaker 2 They can't blind me.

Speaker 2 All these lights. Oh, that's it.
Is it lights?

Speaker 2 It's got to be lights. I forgot one.
Yes. It's lights?

Speaker 2 Fuck yeah, we got one. All right, what's the next one, Bob? Okay, now lights is a theme.

Speaker 2 And we blank all night to the song.

Speaker 2 And we beam. We beam all night to the best song ever.

Speaker 2 And we beam all night to the best song ever. Now I can't remember.
Is he losing his red? What is it?

Speaker 3 And we dance all night.

Speaker 2 Oh, dance. Fuck.

Speaker 2 Why would it be beam? Why wouldn't it be beam? I like beam back. I do.
I want to be more beam. Well, dance is cheap.
Yeah, beam makes sense.

Speaker 2 Dancing is easier. Becoming beam

Speaker 2 is harder.

Speaker 2 Beaming all night? To turn it into light.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.
Beam all night. Like, to beam all night is better than dancing.
An idiot can dance all fucking night. Yeah, fuck dancing.
Fuck dancing. I beam.

Speaker 2 But if you like causing up in hotel rooms and you like having secret little rendezvous. These could be Taylor Taylor Swift lyrics.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But if you like causing chaos up and what if you like causing ruckus if you're causing if you like causing mayhem up in hook

Speaker 2 if you're causing

Speaker 2 causes no nothing if you if you like

Speaker 2 but if you but if you like causing

Speaker 2 fucked up

Speaker 2 if you like causing trouble in hotel room is it trouble? Fuck yeah. I'm bad at this.
Two for two. All right, here's the last one, Bob.
You get to do the last one. This is it.
Tonight, let's get some.

Speaker 2 And we're old while we're young. And we're old while we're young.

Speaker 2 Tonight, let's get some and we're old while we're young. No, I'm not older.
Younger while we're younger. And we're younger while we're young.
And we're younger while we're young.

Speaker 2 That makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 2 Tonight, let's get some and younger while we're young. And younger while we're younger while we're young.

Speaker 2 Is that not it?

Speaker 3 No. Tonight, let's get some

Speaker 3 and live while we're young.

Speaker 2 Live?

Speaker 2 That's so easy, dude.

Speaker 2 Me and you should write fucking music. Lazy.
Lazy. Fucking lazy, dude.
And you know what? Yeah. These guys are so rich.
I know. We're writing this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we fucked up. That's okay.

Speaker 2 We can do our own little band in the future. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. Anyway.
I love you. I love you.
Hey.

Speaker 2 Welcome to 2022. Hello.
Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 I'm going to tell you this right now, Jules. Okay.
Okay. And this is real what I'm about to say to you.
Okay. This is not a joke.

Speaker 2 You want to date a guy who you know in your head will get along with everyone else in your life. But I'm not dating him.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying that don't see anybody unless you meet somebody that you're willing to share.

Speaker 2 So we can meet the person. No, it's Deval.
Why? Because I'm scared. What are you scared about? This is what I want to get at.
Love.

Speaker 3 No, because of you guys.

Speaker 2 You're just going to embarrass no we're not

Speaker 2 if he's a decent guy if he's a great guy we'll be along for the ride like if he showed up yeah if you were dating samuel l jackson i'd be stoked your boyfriend samuel jackson i love that love that guy