Christmas VS. Hanukkah w/ Lil Dicky

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

Speaker 1 These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Speaker 1 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 You are these two idiots.

Speaker 2 You're Jewish. Yeah, and you're Irish.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Happy Hanukkah. Happy Hanukkah, bad friends.
Bobby is gone. And today we have the one and only, the unique, the lovely, the special, the talented, my sweet prince,

Speaker 2 Dave Bird.

Speaker 2 Is Bird Jewish?

Speaker 2 B-Y-R-D? B-U-R-D.

Speaker 3 You don't even know how to spell my last name.

Speaker 2 What do I care? I work together, dude. I love you too much.

Speaker 2 I give a shit.

Speaker 3 My recollection, and maybe I'm just making this up, is that it's actually rooted in Berdowski.

Speaker 2 Berdowski.

Speaker 3 That could be a total fit.

Speaker 2 But you know, the skis back home in Chicago, ski means

Speaker 2 usually skis are like Polish.

Speaker 3 Oh, wow. I've got some something in me.
I got some sort of, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Because you could be

Speaker 2 Polish Jewish. Yeah.
Because skis, like up skis, any of the SKIs, is all

Speaker 2 usually Polish.

Speaker 2 Dave, I want you to meet a very good friend, a great comic.

Speaker 3 This guy has the friendliest face I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 2 This is Black Magic.

Speaker 2 This is Doc Willis, aka Little Black Magic. Hey, man.
Hey, nice to meet you. Love your face.

Speaker 2 He likes you. He was saying before the show he's too shy now, but he was saying how much he likes you.
But you can tell him now that you like him. You're a good dude.

Speaker 2 Instantaneous love coming in. Haim Mashed.
What's that? What?

Speaker 2 Haim Mashed. You don't know who.
Haim Mashed is the former general and 30-year space chief of Israel. He's the one who said there was a galactic.
Dude, he does this kind of stuff all the time.

Speaker 2 No, he said it was a galactic fit. He does this shit all the time.
I'm telling you who the damned shit is. What's going on? Haim Mashed.
He's from here. Yeah, he's from Israel.
Right?

Speaker 2 He's the one who said there was a galactic federation and that the United States.

Speaker 2 I know that's true. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Haim, you're a real one. You are.
Wait, how do you spell his name? I want to look him up. How do you spell that? H-A-I-M.
H-A-I-M-E-S-H-E-D.

Speaker 2 you know the prime minute former well benjamin netanyahu shout out to netanyahu well i don't know about that but he

Speaker 2 went to my high school wait seriously he's like from philly is he yeah where he went to high school click on news yes netanyahu went was uh cheltenham high school cheltenham yeah you don't we don't want to shout him out but okay this is this is haima shad this is him now click on news and what was his deal he was the one who said that the united states was in contact with aliens and that there was a galactic federation and that trump knew about it.

Speaker 2 Well, he's right.

Speaker 2 Are we saying he's wrong? That sounds like he's right. Well, he's the dude.
Former Israeli space security chief says extraterrestrials exist and Trump knows about it. Yeah, I remember seeing it.

Speaker 2 I believe all this. I believe it.

Speaker 2 I believe every single second of this. Let's get it.

Speaker 2 Aliens are out there. We've seen the aliens.

Speaker 3 I feel as though there must be.

Speaker 2 How could.

Speaker 3 But I honestly don't feel like if there was, they would tell Trump.

Speaker 2 That's the thing.

Speaker 3 I guess they'd have to, but I just wanted to. He couldn't know that and not tell everyone.
World.

Speaker 2 Because he's the egomaniac. He'd be like, I found him first.

Speaker 2 I found the aliens.

Speaker 2 They were fucking each other. You know what's so funny, though?

Speaker 2 I think all the richest people in the world do have contact with the aliens.

Speaker 3 I believe that. Like an Illuminati type of person.

Speaker 2 100%. Of course, I believe that.
I think once you reach the multi-billionaire status, you get granted access to that stuff.

Speaker 2 Because otherwise,

Speaker 2 why earn all that money? Look, you have a lot of money. You're rich.

Speaker 2 Let's just say that. You're rich.
It's true. Okay.
All right. So you're rich, but you're not wealthy.
I don't know the aliens, no. Yeah, no, you're not like them.
No.

Speaker 2 But you know, right now, you're comfortable financially what you have. It's great money.
You make a great living. You have a great year.
You take a long year off. You can take a few years off.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's okay.

Speaker 2 You can't. No, no.

Speaker 2 You 100% comfortable. No.
You can't even take a week off. This is a day off.
A day off, and I'm fucking fucked forever. Well, crazy.
So, but look at it like this.

Speaker 2 What's the incentive to earn more money money than them you have plenty of money what do you do you want do you want more money money doesn't really drive me i know um so what would drive you not meeting the fucking aliens yeah that would drive me if someone said if you got a billion you'll meet the aliens let me ask you this yeah

Speaker 3 right now

Speaker 3 someone comes to you and they say if you

Speaker 3 Want to find out everything there is to know about everything, I will take you on a month one-month tour of aliens, past, future.

Speaker 3 The whole sh any like question you have will be totally answered in a month. And then you have one day back on Earth to

Speaker 3 log the information and then you die. Would you take that deal?

Speaker 2 What do you say, Doc? That's a deep cut. That's really hard.
You die. So one day, you would just...

Speaker 3 I'll give you a week back on Earth. Then, yes.
Or a week. But no one's going to believe a word you say.

Speaker 2 I know, but it's so fun.

Speaker 2 But for one week, you get to push around this narrative to everyone you know and write everything down. Yeah.
And just be like, listen, you can believe me or not, I'm going to be dead on Saturday.

Speaker 2 so if you prophesize your death, then they might believe you.

Speaker 3 I'll just think that you were a kook and you committed suicide because some culture they probably did.

Speaker 2 Well, how do I die? How do I die after the week?

Speaker 2 Spontaneous combustion?

Speaker 2 Grand Canyon.

Speaker 2 What am I doing in Arizona? You're off the Grand Canyon. I got some answers to this question.

Speaker 2 I just wake up and I'm sitting on the edge of the Grand Canyon. Yep, and you're hurled.
And who pushes me? The Illuminati. No footage.

Speaker 3 No one knows it.

Speaker 3 I think you jump between.

Speaker 2 I'm forced to jump. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love it. Yeah.

Speaker 3 When I was younger, I used to go to, I mean, I went one time and I was like 10 and I was so confident. Imagine the stress on my parents.
I used to say to them, I'm telling you,

Speaker 3 I can jump and

Speaker 3 brace this fall.

Speaker 2 In the Grand Canyon.

Speaker 3 So the whole trip, I was threatening jumping.

Speaker 3 And I really believe that I could survive it, which is... To this day? No.
Let's go. I don't want to do that now.

Speaker 2 Wait, you really, as a child, thought you could jump and

Speaker 2 why, Dave? Why did you think that? You could self-proportionate it. I used to think that too much.
That's too much.

Speaker 2 I used used to think that, too. Like, if you jump from a long distance, maybe before your knees hit, you, like, collapse and roll over some shit like that.
Like, I don't know. It's bad logic, guys.

Speaker 2 Like, 6,000 feet up.

Speaker 2 That's a lot of people. 6,000 feet.
I'm feeling you though, Dickie.

Speaker 2 I understand what you guys are saying. When an elevator, like, I have that thought in elevators all the time.
Like, look, I was in Philly. I was in Philly.

Speaker 2 And in the hotel, it was so old.

Speaker 2 downtown yeah and you can feel that when it stops it kind of jiggles a little bit i don't like that so i thought I thought that one night I was coming down and I thought, if this broke, all you have to do is wait till it's close to the bottom and then jump the last second right before it hits.

Speaker 2 And the tips smashes your head and then you're paralyzed. But at least you're alive.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 my neck is shattered.

Speaker 3 Your thoughts are coming.

Speaker 2 I've thought about it. You'd still do comedy.

Speaker 2 I'd crush. You might do better.
I'd crush. Oh, yeah, you'd be coming.
Going. And my album would be called Going Down.
You'd be the name of Stephen Hawkins. Going up.

Speaker 2 Stephen Hawkins comedy.

Speaker 2 This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 When somebody leaves. You going to take a shit or to piss it out?

Speaker 2 Oh, God. That's so mean.
Stephen Hawkins doing comedy, though. He would just, he would absolutely murder.

Speaker 2 You can get away with anything with a computer.

Speaker 2 Because he didn't mean it. He can say it and didn't mean it.
Oops. Yeah.
My B, my B, my B.

Speaker 2 Look at this bitch's tips.

Speaker 2 If a computer says all that, how are you to blame?

Speaker 2 All right, let's go over some stuff right now because Doc wants to learn. Happy Hanukkah.
We're late. We know we're late.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 we're anti-Christmas this year. We did Christmas last year.
Amen, bro.

Speaker 2 The Christians can take a hike. It's way too much.
And it's the week of Christmas, which is when we're putting this out. Good.
So, you know what? Good. Hanukkah twice.

Speaker 2 That's what we're doing this year. Happiness.
Double up. Or Hanukkah.
Yeah, because Hanukkah twice. Because here's the problem with Hanukkah.
This has always been my issue.

Speaker 3 It's not enough nights.

Speaker 2 Not enough.

Speaker 2 Dead series. That's literally what I was going to say.
Really? Why eight?

Speaker 3 Well, as the story has it, if I recall, that's how long the oil and the

Speaker 2 they could have scratched it out. I think they scratched it.

Speaker 3 The whole premise of Hanukkah is that they scratched it out for eight. It's like a miraculous thing that they even made it eight nights.

Speaker 2 All right, so let's make it more nights. So they just party for eight days straight?

Speaker 3 I don't think it was a party. I think it was more survival.

Speaker 2 In this day and age, they celebrate for eight days. Okay.
But back then, it was to stay alive. Oh, I didn't know what that was.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we got eight little knickknack gifts.

Speaker 3 How many are in front of you? I mean, the one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 they know what they're doing here. Why don't you open one of them? Why don't you open one? These are for me? Yep.
Every time you open one, I have to light a candle, though. Of course.

Speaker 2 So go ahead and open one. Those are for you.
I'm excited.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I haven't gotten any gifts this season.

Speaker 2 Are you serious? Yeah.

Speaker 3 My parents just give me a check.

Speaker 2 For Hanukkah? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's pretty real Jewish.

Speaker 2 Just a check?

Speaker 3 No, not even. It's gotten lower.
Now they just

Speaker 3 re-update my NBA league pass every year.

Speaker 2 That's huge. What do you mean? That's huge.

Speaker 2 That's dope.

Speaker 2 Do you even know you? An NBA league pass? No, I can't even get it.

Speaker 2 It's like $500. No, it's like $150.
Oh, really? What did I think it was expensive? Well, what is it? What am I thinking? Sunday ticket is more expensive. I ain't even got cable, Phil.

Speaker 2 Sunday ticket's like $400. You don't have cable, though? No, I don't have cable.
I'm like, looks like a mug. Fucking hell, I got it.
What is it?

Speaker 3 Oh, a brain mug.

Speaker 2 Beautiful. It's your own merch.

Speaker 2 We're giving you your own merch. I'm going to buy it too.
So I'm making money off the gift. It's a juice gift.
You're making money off the gift. We bought it.
That's the best type of juice. gift.

Speaker 2 Feel that. Double up on me.

Speaker 2 What does it say, by the way?

Speaker 3 Does this bitch don't know about Pangea?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What a good video. Thank you.
You did the video, yeah? Yeah, and Tony. Tony directed.
Yeah. Tony, who directed many episodes on our show.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dave, which Bobby mocks constantly and calls it Davey because he's jealous that he's obsessed. Well, he's on Sex in the City.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What made you get into rapping?

Speaker 3 You know, I.

Speaker 2 This guy, Entertainment Tonight Question. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Boom. Straight to it.
Amen. Tell me what made you get into rapping.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, it's a bad thing. I'll tell you a whole story about rapping.
Jewish dude. You know, Jewish.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, Jewish dudes don't rap? You ever heard the Beastie Boys? They Jewish? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know about that.

Speaker 2 Drake is Jewish. Drake is half Jewish.
Drake is half Jewish? Yes. So is Jada Kiss.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 Jim Jones. Yeah.
He's Jewish.

Speaker 2 No, but you know, the Beastie Boys are Jewish? No. I thought they were just regular old trailer park dudes getting it.

Speaker 2 Trailer park dudes? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hold on.

Speaker 2 Bro, bro.

Speaker 2 That's trailer park right there. Hey,

Speaker 2 what trailer park do you know exists in the city of New York? Where are the trailer parks?

Speaker 3 He's thinking eight mile MM.

Speaker 2 Oh, you think that's a bad thing?

Speaker 3 He's thinking white rappers. You know, trailer parks.

Speaker 2 Trailer parks in Brooklyn?

Speaker 2 Have you seen that? Have you been to Brooklyn?

Speaker 3 He thinks they're from like Middle America. No, not really.

Speaker 2 I've been there to like the little clubs out there, but I haven't been in Brooklyn, Brooklyn. You know what I'm saying? Shout out to Jay-Z.

Speaker 2 No, don't shout out, Jay-Z.

Speaker 2 All right, well, you know what I'm saying? The Beastie Boys are from New York City. Okay, they are.
Where did you think they were from? I thought they were from a little bit like Iowa, a little bit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, something like that. Yeah, maybe.
They put off an Iowa vibe. Yeah, they got your 50 cornerfield vibes.
This is what I'm saying, Dickie. See, he's showing me.

Speaker 2 No, he's doing this to help you out because this is insane.

Speaker 2 Hey, fam, fam. You know, no sleep till

Speaker 2 it wasn't Iowa City.

Speaker 2 No, sleep till Lincoln.

Speaker 2 No, Brasco. I dropped in Iowa so long.
So far, yeah, and they didn't want to pass out. All right, stay up.

Speaker 3 Why did I get into rap? You know, I always wanted to be a comedian my whole life. Like, that was my dream, even as a boy.

Speaker 3 Like, I always, I made people laugh as a kid, and I was like, this is an irreplaceable feeling. How can I do this forever?

Speaker 3 And I kind of rapped, you know, for fun.

Speaker 3 And I wasn't necessarily like, wow, you're a great rapper but I was like you know I was seeing you know Lonely Island I saw these guys and they were becoming incredibly successful off of comedic rap and I was like there's no one else doing it so I thought what if I use my funny ideas because I didn't know anybody I didn't know how to no one could I give a script to I didn't like know how to make you know film you know it just felt like the most accessible way to do it was on my computer I have garage band I can literally make high quality music from my apartment my room so I started rapping with the intention of being noticed as a comedian and it kind of like just worked like a sport the more i did it the better i got and it's like i've always loved rap you know it was a total dream to be a rapper of mine too but it was like that you know my dreams growing up were like comedian rapper basketball player and one of those was never gonna happen i feel like

Speaker 3 honestly two of them felt like they weren't gonna happen yeah but one of them for sure wasn't gonna happen yeah

Speaker 3 it felt like as i was rapping and getting better it felt like as if i like like started playing basketball and got good enough to play in the NBA. Like, that's how I feel every day.

Speaker 2 But then you meet like six, eight black dudes and you're like, never mind.

Speaker 2 This is insane.

Speaker 2 If every black dude in the NBA looked like him, you'd be in good shape.

Speaker 2 You would be delivered. Yeah, you can post me up and get it.

Speaker 2 Hey, but I was going to say,

Speaker 2 everybody out there in Tel Aviv, this is the guy you want to look up to. All right.
Keep it going. Everybody out there in Television.

Speaker 2 This is the guy who's like, don't you forget it.

Speaker 3 And I perform in Tel Aviv.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you, I felt a lot of admiration for you.

Speaker 2 How many times did you perform over there?

Speaker 3 I performed there once, but never have I felt, he's right, I have never felt like bigger as a star, as a rapper, just as like, yeah, as like a presence, like as when I walked down the street than I did in Israel.

Speaker 3 Wow. Wow.
And it was.

Speaker 2 Because you like the fuck. And the hummus.
God, the hummus is off the chain. It's incredible.

Speaker 2 You like hummus? Hell yeah, bro. With some fucking townhouse crackers.
Townhouse crackers. That's always the tradition.

Speaker 2 That is the truth. When you go to the Middle East, I do say they do have good hummus and townhouse rappers.

Speaker 2 Hey, that's how we do it in America.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's so funny to be half-cultured. Oh, yeah, no, I love humps, man.

Speaker 2 But you got to give me them townhouse crackers.

Speaker 2 A half-culture is so funny to me. Hey, that's how we get it.
Yeah, no, I love kebab. Mean, I mess with kebab, and you just got to put it in a pita.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 Put that in a wrap.

Speaker 2 Hey, hey, fans,

Speaker 2 what did you ask about the gold? Listen how offensive this question is. You're going to love it.

Speaker 2 Well, because he literally said, he literally walked in here. By the way, he's Spanish, so we don't trust him at all.

Speaker 2 But he literally walked in as he's setting up the room and he goes to Pete, the other producer, he says, Why, why did I like this gold so much?

Speaker 2 This is what he wants to know: why there's the gold. And then Pete tried to explain to him what this is, and it's a game, right? Yeah, with the Dreidel.
Yeah, but honestly, it doesn't help the image.

Speaker 2 No, the gold thing doesn't really help the image.

Speaker 2 I gotta tell you, I haven't really thought it's a bad idea.

Speaker 2 I mean, look, it's spread out on the table. And Pete, Pete's kid, Pete's kid, Pete's kid, isn't Jewish, goes to a Jewish elementary elementary school? Preschool.
Preschool? Yeah, preschool.

Speaker 2 And I was like, well, I didn't know, you know, how did you get him in? And he's like, well, they don't know he's not Jewish until they change his diaper. Right.

Speaker 2 And they see his little uncircumcised snake. Yeah.
You're cirqued, though. Oh, I'm overly circ.
I'm clipped, too.

Speaker 2 But see, but we did it. It was like a normal thing for my generation to do it.
Yeah. It wasn't like a Jewish or not or a European or not.
Every kid I knew was clipped. Are you circumcised? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you got to be, right? You've got to have a head.

Speaker 3 I mean, I feel, I forget where it's at, but I recall there being new philosophies on circumcision today where it's like almost, there's like some sort of, I don't know which way the science is telling you to do that.

Speaker 2 I think what it says, we did research this one time on the show. I think it says that it's

Speaker 2 in today's society, it's so easy to clean and have

Speaker 2 the hygiene levels are so high, you don't need to do it anymore because everyone washes so often. It used to be

Speaker 2 you bathe once a

Speaker 2 month, whatever, you would get infections, all that stuff. That's why it became standard.

Speaker 3 What's your word for the debris in the forest? Shmegma. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's always been shmegma. Do you know that? Isn't that a Jewish? I think it sounds

Speaker 2 sorry. Look up if shmegma is Jewish.

Speaker 3 That'd be cool if like a Jewish kid. It's a phrase information.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what, I mean, think about it. They were like, why are we clipping? They're like, did Shmegma? It makes sense.

Speaker 3 That's ridiculous, though. Like when you got circumcised, you didn't have all of your friends and family come over and witness your dick get cut.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did. Oh, you did? Yeah, I did.
Well, I did it when I was 30.

Speaker 3 Wait, so non-Jews have...

Speaker 2 I'm kidding. We don't do it.
That's insane. We do it in the hospital.
We get it out of the way. Exactly.
We do it behind closed doors. Don't let that fall.
That's a sin against man. It didn't fall.

Speaker 2 I gave you a pin to clip it into your hair. I didn't see it.

Speaker 2 It's on it itself. I don't want to.
I know you don't want to miss it. Do you clipped? I am clipped.

Speaker 2 Shmegma. Shmegma.
From Latin. From Latin, borrowed from ancient Greek, and it's smegma.
All right, never mind. Alternative form of smegma, soap detergent.
Shmuck a detergent. I wipe by clean.

Speaker 2 What does that say? Is schmuck a Jewish word? Of course.

Speaker 3 Do you screen capture these searches all the time?

Speaker 2 Next, we come to schmuck, which is an English rather vulgar definition of a contemptible foolish person. In other words, a jerk in Yiddish is schmuck.
Literally means penis. Shmuck means penis?

Speaker 2 I have not known that.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I didn't know that either. What's the other word for penis in Yiddish? There's another one.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the other word?

Speaker 2 Shmung? I don't think. What did you text me before this, how bad of a Jew you are?

Speaker 3 I'm not a good Jew.

Speaker 2 I think I'm a better Jew than you are, and I'm not even Jewish.

Speaker 3 I'm like so out of the loop in terms of what to do.

Speaker 2 It's okay.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I feel as though I represent it pretty reasonably culturally. Like I have like the spirit of like a good Northeast Jew,

Speaker 2 The hair. Just the way you look.
Yeah. You couldn't, you look.

Speaker 3 And like, sound and talk, like,

Speaker 2 behavior is very. And feel.
Yeah, you don't have. You do a lot of Jew shit.
Yeah. Yeah.
But it's like. I read Jew.
Yeah. A mile away they go, Jew!

Speaker 2 Which don't do that at home. I'm proud of that.
I'm proud of that. You should be.

Speaker 3 I just, I just, you know, all these. You know, I went to Hebrew school as a kid.
I was, I was, you know, I was in the know.

Speaker 2 I was every week, two days a week, going to Hebrew school. Where at?

Speaker 3 K-I, Knesset, Israel in Cheltenham, Pennsylvania.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow, you're from the home. Oh, you're from, oh, you're real, real? Yeah.
No, no, no. He's from Pennsylvania.
Yeah, I don't know what he is. Do you think he's from Israel?

Speaker 3 He said he was. Knesseth Israel is the name of the synagogue.

Speaker 2 It's the name of the synagogue. Oh, fuck.
Okay. All right.
We should have kept going with that.

Speaker 2 He is from Israel. Yeah, okay.
You do know that. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, he is. Oh, that's dope.
I miss Israel. Do we do?

Speaker 3 I just went one time. I mean, the women were the most beautiful.

Speaker 2 Smoke shows.

Speaker 2 But the men, on the other hand,

Speaker 3 I went to a club, and I just remember, like, I never in my life, like, did I, like, you know, I have a very, like, if my life on, in theory is very if any life was like entourage like it'd be like mine and I never really feel that way like normally it's just like a very curmudgeony Jewish person's day.

Speaker 3 Yeah, but there was this one moment where I was walking to my my table in Israel where like they walked me in into the thing I swear it was like every directed as if it was like on like it was like a one-take shot where right the right woman passed and like smiled at me and then like everything and then they let doves out.

Speaker 2 When you sat down

Speaker 2 what are you doing here?

Speaker 3 Well,

Speaker 3 my one complaint about Israel is that it's a little too sunbeaten.

Speaker 2 Is that hot out there? It's hot, but it's just like drained of color.

Speaker 2 That's my one complaint. No trees or what? What's going on? I got a couple of complaints.
I got a couple of complaints about it.

Speaker 2 What? Ready for my complaints about Israel? Yeah, bro.

Speaker 2 Hold on, do we have to do it?

Speaker 3 You're getting sunbeaten, yeah, because the buildings look like they've just been smacked by the sun for hunting, and they have been.

Speaker 3 But like, so it's, I'm more of like a San Francisco pastel color type of of you like a you like the jacket my jacket

Speaker 2 and everything there's a little monochromatic for me in terms of just like looking around and like enjoying the aesthetic feels like arizona yeah how things are kind of like uh all taupe or whatever yeah yep yeah but that's also historic it is historic so i have a different level of respect for it oldest place in the world right well isn't it the oldest epicenter of the world

Speaker 2 it's there's something there's old let's just make it up yeah it's the oldest place in the world went to the western wall with gaita wailing wall yeah it's the whaling wall i think they're the same and what do do they call it that?

Speaker 2 People cry at it?

Speaker 3 Yeah, like you, yeah, people were there and they're just like

Speaker 3 they're having like emotional experience.

Speaker 2 Gata had

Speaker 2 emotionally moved. Gata was moved by it.

Speaker 3 Gata still references that moment in this life.

Speaker 2 I was like,

Speaker 3 very funny to me.

Speaker 2 Did you cry at the wall? No. You don't feel anything.

Speaker 2 Oh, you broke the traditional. I mean, it was cool.
It was cool.

Speaker 3 I wrote a little something and put it in the, you know, you write in there and put it in the wall and put it in the wall.

Speaker 2 Did you tell me what you said?

Speaker 3 Couldn't even remember. It's probably like, keep going, brother.

Speaker 2 Who's that for?

Speaker 2 i don't even know what's the vagus of israel funniest thing you've ever said i think it's tel avail what's the vegas of israel

Speaker 2 so many other ways to say

Speaker 3 it's like you know what i mean tel aviv had all the the cocaine and shit okay yeah and i there was a a man that i just want to connect maybe it's not that good of a story but i basically actually i went to an international peacemaking camp i don't know if you know this about me so when i was like 14 i went to this camp called seeds of peace international Camp, which is a really interesting, amazing organization that takes people from different conflict groups like Israel and Palestinians and Indians and Pakistanis, and they put all these people under one roof, more or less, and they coexist during a summer and like they play sports together, but then every day there's like a two-hour dialogue session.

Speaker 3 So, and there's like 15 Americans that are like top of their class that get into the only reason I got in is because my cousin used to run it.

Speaker 3 And so like everyone, every other American there was like an Ivy League student. And I was only there because my cousin you have to apply to get in, you have to apply to it.
It's very hard to get in.

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 3 And so, then every day I was sitting in, you know, these conflict sessions where Israelis and Palestinians are just like talking, like, you know, 15, like the smartest 14-year-olds in each country, and they're talking about the issues.

Speaker 3 And, like, it's hard, it's tricky because both sides, like, they have different histories in terms of what they think, like, who was there first, and what happened.

Speaker 3 And it was just very interesting to witness.

Speaker 3 But there was a guy there who I went to camp with named Daniel, who there weren't many kids like me at that camp who were like, you know, athletic, like just seemingly like kids that I would be friends with if I went to high school.

Speaker 2 Were you an athletic? I was athletic, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I always won the award. But you're questioning his athleticism? No, I'm just saying.
He just. I was very athletic.
Yeah, I didn't see the. You never seen this guy play basketball in the middle?

Speaker 2 No, I've never hey, man. I ain't trying to diss Israel.
No. Shout out.

Speaker 2 Better help.

Speaker 2 Andrew. Yes, Bob.

Speaker 2 I love you.

Speaker 4 I love you. And the reason why I can say that is because I went to BetterHelp.

Speaker 2 You used to be able to help.

Speaker 4 I couldn't discover. Yeah, I couldn't discover and find the love for you.
Yeah. But now I'm full of feelings, and I like to share things.
I like to be open.

Speaker 4 Honestly, me, Kalila, people in the house, we've all done BetterHelp.

Speaker 4 You can start communicating with your counselor in under

Speaker 4 48 hours.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

Speaker 2 It's pretty great. Start communicating so quickly, and it's not a crisis line, not self-help.
It's professional counseling done securely online.

Speaker 2 We've spoken about mental health on this show and how we think it's important for you to try something that's a little alternative to the traditional going in a room somewhere in an office.

Speaker 2 Better help at your house.

Speaker 4 Committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches so they can make it easy and free to change counselors if needed.

Speaker 2 That's right. There's a broad range of expertise available

Speaker 2 and the service is available for clients all over the world.

Speaker 4 Guys, visit their website and read their

Speaker 4 testimonials that are posted daily.

Speaker 2 Visit betterhelp.com slash bad friends. That's help, H-E-L-P, BetterHelp, and join the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.

Speaker 2 Yep. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and Bad Friends listeners.
Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash Bad Friends. Hello, Fresh.

Speaker 2 Hello, Fresh.

Speaker 4 Hello, Fresh. Listen, dude,

Speaker 4 we get HelloFresh at the home, and when I see a box of HelloFresh outside my door, I get really excited because what I know is it's going to be fresh ingredients.

Speaker 4 It's going to be a meal that I can cook in my home, right? It's not, it's like the perfect amount of food.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what I like.

Speaker 4 Yeah, when I eat it, I don't go, oh, I'm hungry. You know what I mean?

Speaker 4 And you always know you're getting something very fresh.

Speaker 2 Hey, we've talked about it on this show. We love HelloFresh.
With HelloFresh, you get pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep.

Speaker 2 Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why.
It's America's number one meal kit. The holidays are going to be hectic.

Speaker 2 We all know HelloFresh is going to keep things simple with recipes that cut back on meal prep and cleanup so you can spend less time in the kitchen and more time with friends and fam.

Speaker 2 Skip them trips to the grocery store, man. HelloFresh offers 50 menu and market items to choose from every single week, including vegetarian, calorie smart, and gourmet options, which is gourmet.

Speaker 2 It's fancy, providing plenty of variety. Recipes like balsamic and fig, beef teneloin, which I've had, phenomen.

Speaker 2 Pecan crusted salmon, make holiday meals feel special without the high cost of dining out or delivery.

Speaker 2 Or go for cozy comfort food like chicken sausage and sweet potato soup for a cold winter night and bundle up with your favorite blankie. Don't forget dessert.

Speaker 2 They also got the sweet two seasonal stuff, limited time goodies like ginger spice cake truffles, which is me. I'm spicy, ginger boy, and cherry cheesecake swirl bars.
Yum, yum.

Speaker 2 It's so good, so delicious. I've been using HelloFresh for years now.
These guys have provided such good meals to my home, so I don't have to go anywhere.

Speaker 2 I can just get it delivered to my door and cook. We love HelloFresh.

Speaker 4 Go to hellofresh.com/slash badfriends14 and use code friends14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's incredible. Go to hellofresh.com slash bad friends14 and use that code bad friends14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts.
HelloFresh.com slash bad friends14.

Speaker 2 Use the code bad friends14 for up to 14 free meals and three free gifts. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit.
No, but you were, but you just assumed for some reason that he wasn't athletic. Why?

Speaker 2 No, I just

Speaker 2 went ahead. Because he don't even know what he's doing.
He explained what he was doing.

Speaker 2 Why do you think he's not athletic? Hey, man, you make him.

Speaker 2 Hey, I just, you didn't look like you, you know what I mean? Every year at my other. Accountant, maybe.

Speaker 2 A what? Accountant, maybe? Well, when you said athletic.

Speaker 3 I used to win best athlete who doesn't look like an athlete every year.

Speaker 2 Oh, see? Yeah.

Speaker 2 See,

Speaker 2 they know. Yeah.
Tell me, bro. I feel it.
Okay, what is Doc? Does Doc look athletic? No. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You see how that feels?

Speaker 2 You didn't like that, did you? Yeah, that hurts. Assumptions are annoying.
They're fucking everybody. So don't assume.
Okay, that was my bad. But you look gentle.
That's my my bad. Thank you, bro.

Speaker 2 You look sweet. I'm glad I look sweet.

Speaker 2 He's a fucking mass murderer.

Speaker 2 Straight killer.

Speaker 2 Oh, go ahead. He used to sell rock in the hood.
That's cool. Does he look? Does he look if he was like, no, man, I used to sell.
Would you believe it? If he said it like that.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what he said.

Speaker 2 You don't look like. When you told us that you used to sell, I didn't believe an ounce of it.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
Because people who sell,

Speaker 2 I didn't believe a gram of it.

Speaker 2 Usually people who sell look tough as shit. That's not true, though.
That's what's the problem.

Speaker 3 That's how you know you don't sell.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's how you know. Not anymore.

Speaker 2 I couldn't.

Speaker 2 I mean, the cops were like, he's right there. How could he hide?

Speaker 2 It's just like, oh, they think that all the women that they see on New Jack City, that's how the crackheads look. It's like, nah, they're actually just regular working-class people.

Speaker 2 And some of the women look really good on the city. Depends on how deep in the rock they are.
Yeah, it depends on. Yep.
Yeah, if you're in the first couple of months, if you're in the

Speaker 2 first

Speaker 2 stage, if you're in the

Speaker 2 honeymoon stage of a crackhead,

Speaker 2 snack? No, dude.

Speaker 2 No, never. He already asked me this.
Yeah, no, but he was in like,

Speaker 2 he was like, hey, you do. I was drilling

Speaker 2 because I didn't believe it.

Speaker 2 I think if you sell enough at some point, you're going to try it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I understand that.

Speaker 2 You're going to try it. What? Why?

Speaker 2 Because it's around and it's curiosity and boredom.

Speaker 3 What am I selling these working class people?

Speaker 2 Exactly. What am I selling these working-class people? And what were you selling them? Cracked.
Poison.

Speaker 2 And never once. Yeah, they fucking never.
But why would you?

Speaker 2 When you, well, I guess because y'all ain't never sold, but when you're around people that fucking smoke crack, you look at them like, I'll never do this shit again. Ever.
That's what it's like.

Speaker 2 I know, but the huge, but the, but the human experience has a lot of,

Speaker 2 we like to, we like to try things that are going to hurt us anyway.

Speaker 2 We like self-destruct. I know, you're different.

Speaker 2 You're different. Open another gift.
It's time.

Speaker 2 I think we're supposed to let these burn out all the way. Isn't that the whole deal? Let them die.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But I mean, no, no, no, but I'm saying, don't you let one burn out before the other one goes? This is.
Is that a double? It seems a double.

Speaker 2 So you light one candle at a time, or you light all of them at the same time. What you're supposed to do is you light one every night.

Speaker 2 You light one and it burns out. But we don't have time.

Speaker 2 This is why. Oh my God.

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 3 Marathon Man, DVD.

Speaker 2 Ooh, Marathon Man on DVD.

Speaker 3 I've never seen this movie. Are you serious?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I've never seen this.
It's such a great movie. It's such a good movie.
It's good. And is that the CD that goes along with the soundtrack?

Speaker 3 Streisand, my mother's favorite artist.

Speaker 2 Barbara Streisand.

Speaker 2 The essential. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Apparently, my mom says she is the most incredible voice of anyone ever.

Speaker 2 That's not true at all, but she is a great singer.

Speaker 2 There's no way she could have the best voice of all songs.

Speaker 3 She's known as a pretty distinct vocalist.

Speaker 2 It's phenomenal. Yeah.
But, like, what about, like, I don't know, Aretha Franklin? Yeah, it depends on what genre of music you listen to. But what is she? She's considered what? What's Streisan?

Speaker 2 She's Jewish. She's considered Jewish music?

Speaker 2 Somebody goes, what kind of music do you play? She's like, Jewish. They're like, I got it.
I don't know what she is.

Speaker 3 I think I know that there was like a show tune past. Didn't you do like Yentel or Fiddler on the? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say yes. I'm just going to say yes.
That's kind of like how comedians used to do the cat skills, you know, like the,

Speaker 2 what do they call it, market? I'm so ignorant.

Speaker 2 Yentel film. Yeah, there you go.
There she is. Yeah.
Look at her.

Speaker 3 Beautiful eyes. But

Speaker 2 what else? Is anything else beautiful? Do you like just her eyes?

Speaker 2 She's shaped like a

Speaker 3 boy, it seems, in this movie.

Speaker 2 Give me a good picture of Barbara Strikes. Yeah, it's a good look.

Speaker 2 Did you find her attractive? So, your mother was obsessed with her, but did you find her attractive when you were a kid?

Speaker 3 No, I never, no, because she always felt very motherly. And then I'm seeing her in the movies, like Meet the Fockers or whatever.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 One of my goals in life is to get my mom meeting Barbara.

Speaker 2 How can we not make that happen? I feel like that's so easy to do. Well,

Speaker 2 as famous as you are, as connected as you are. I'm not going to reach out to her and be like, hey, can I bother you and have you meet my mom?

Speaker 3 Why Why would you,

Speaker 2 let me say this. Knowing what you know

Speaker 2 about sweet Jewish women like your mom, why wouldn't she want to meet your mom?

Speaker 3 She would want to, but it's just, you know, I need to, I need to be like at an event or like, there needs to be some sort of like, right.

Speaker 2 We need to like create pigeonhole this thing. Yeah, we need to make it where it's like, Barbara, you won't believe that my mom, my mother's

Speaker 2 gonna get her on the show, have my mom come. I was just gonna say, why don't we put her on the show?

Speaker 2 Do the surprise type of thing. That'd be great.
Speaking of which, people can't stop asking me if we're gonna do the show again. It's almost annoying.
Yeah. And I tell them no.

Speaker 3 Yeah, we're done. We quit.
We retired. Like I said, I've generated enough wealth to take off.

Speaker 2 It's well, and you're not alien wealth, but you're getting there.

Speaker 2 We are going to do the show again.

Speaker 2 We're going to do the show. People stop at it.
Please stop asking.

Speaker 2 Can't stop won't stop. Yeah.
We're going to do 50 seasons. Yeah.
I don't know, man. I never found her attractive.
I remember my mom liking her, too. She's beautiful in that.
Really? Oh my God.

Speaker 2 I'm not sure. Not for me.

Speaker 3 That picture is so for me.

Speaker 2 I love her. I guess she was okay.

Speaker 3 Hair and her hat and her eyes. I'm so into that picture.

Speaker 2 Does you find her attractive, Doc? She was just

Speaker 2 a couple drinks in, couple pieces. Couple drinks in.
Okay, yeah, he needs a little bit of intoxication. Look at her, like,

Speaker 3 nice little necklace, like just light and subtle.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sure. But I mean, you know, her eyes are like piercing, yeah.
Blue, beautiful. They're beautiful.
Yeah. I love her.
And that picture. You know, look, she's

Speaker 3 Jewish.

Speaker 2 She's like, what?

Speaker 2 She's Jewish?

Speaker 2 Right? Oh, you're trying to say that.

Speaker 2 I was over here thinking again. I was like, well, maybe she

Speaker 2 fucking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's also from Iowa,

Speaker 2 Iowa City, just like the Beastie Boys.

Speaker 3 She's got to be from New York.

Speaker 2 You fucking with me, Tino. Yes, 100%.
Of course.

Speaker 2 Get real. All right,

Speaker 2 bring some of the Jewish terms up so we can teach Doc, because Doc needs to learn.

Speaker 2 All right, do you know what a Bubby is? Do you know what that is?

Speaker 2 No, what the fuck? You can read it. Bubby.
Oh, grandma. You never heard that before? Nana.
No, not Nana.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 Now he just does all of them.

Speaker 2 You give him one, he doesn't stop.

Speaker 3 Do you call your grandma Bubby? No.

Speaker 3 Both. My grandmothers were dead before I was born.

Speaker 2 Oof. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. Why?

Speaker 2 Just dead. Cancer?

Speaker 2 Old age?

Speaker 3 My

Speaker 3 cancer and

Speaker 3 I guess old age. I don't know why my dad.

Speaker 2 Because that's quick to die. I mean, your parents weren't old when they had you.

Speaker 3 No, they both died like

Speaker 3 60s, 70s. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're not going to lie. They died right before.

Speaker 3 I know. I'm 38 and out, brother.
This is it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 38 and out. Like it's a route.
Cowboy, hitch right, 38 out. I had a young grandmother

Speaker 3 who really acted and treated me, and she was a wonderful woman. Yeah.
But I called her by her first name.

Speaker 2 What was her voice? Jean. Jean's a great name.
Your girl's my mom's name, too. Yeah.
Wow. So.
Oh, if I call my grandma by her first name, she's so mad at me. I call my parents by their first name.

Speaker 2 You must have been knocked out. You do? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I can't. Yeah.

Speaker 3 You call them mom? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Ma,

Speaker 2 what do I call them? It's so weird. Yeah, mom and then

Speaker 2 daddy o, pop,

Speaker 2 or that's cool. Daddy O and pop are so much.
Or whatever I'm mad about. He called me yesterday.
My great aunt doesn't like us calling her by her first name. We have to call her auntie.

Speaker 2 Auntie's great. Auntie's.

Speaker 2 And then her name.

Speaker 3 I'll tell you what's not Jewish is auntie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can't do that in the Jewish community. No.
Ain't no auntie in the Jewish community. No.
Well, what happens? You just get away from it.

Speaker 2 It's just not, that's just like, it's a, first of all, auntie 100% is a black term. You do it.
Oh, it is? Even just auntie. Whites don't do it.
Yeah. Whites don't do auntie.
No, wait a minute.

Speaker 2 If you watch like Desi porn, some of it has like auntie in there.

Speaker 2 Watch what? Desi porn. Desi porn.
Like when you Google Desi porn, like from porn hub, Desi. Desi.
It's India porn.

Speaker 2 So they have like aunt. He teaches me stuff.
Okay, well, Auntie. Desi, auntie porn is a real, that's a thing.
That's what you go to.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I just looked up Desi and then you just.
Don't be weird. Just tell me.
No, no, no. I'm telling you straight up.
I'm telling you straight up.

Speaker 2 Desi is like Indian porn period but Desi means what what does Desi mean I have no clue all I know is look up Desi if you just type in Indian porn you'll see titles like Desi Auntie Desi Desi this Desi that so then I'm like oh okay Desi is a word used to describe people culture and products of an Indian subcontinent and their diaspora derived from zoom in derived from Sanskrit meaning land country Desi traces or specifically the people the country of India Pakistan Bangalore so Desi is kind of it's re it's a regional definition of that area of porn there it is Right.

Speaker 2 Well, so now you know. You should learn stuff before you jerk off to you.
You learn

Speaker 3 this process as far as locating the porn that you jerk off to. Because I feel like the process I use, I don't understand why everyone doesn't.
It seems very decisive.

Speaker 2 I let the algorithm decide for me. Exactly.
Yeah. You go there, I click on as much things as I like.

Speaker 3 And then it says related videos, and then you're

Speaker 2 the rest of the time. I let the algorithm decide for me.

Speaker 2 Here's what we do. You let your cookies match you.
Yeah, I let my cookies match for me.

Speaker 2 Why am I doing it? It's the work.

Speaker 3 And it does it incredibly.

Speaker 2 The machine is going to do it better than your brain could ever assemble it. Probably, but I just like to say that.
Like your sport of typing in my own shit and seeing what I get.

Speaker 2 What phrases interest you? Well, Desi porn, obviously. Desi hunting.
There it is. That's one of them.
Desi. Let's get it.
I'm not just going to a deep rabbit hole. Have you ever dated an Indian girl?

Speaker 2 No, I've never dated any girl. Only Latina, black, and white.
Well, but obviously you sexualize them, so you don't want anything. Bro, it's just, I just watch them all.

Speaker 2 I don't discriminate when it comes to porn. I know, but you said you like this category.
What I'm saying is, are you not, are you attracted to Indian women in real life?

Speaker 2 No, I'm telling you, like, I literally go through every race.

Speaker 2 Oh, so this month is Desi Month. I'll be like,

Speaker 2 yeah, I'll be like, okay, today, Arab girls, let's see what we got. You know what I'm saying? I'll be here there.
That was beautiful.

Speaker 3 You'd be attracted to her.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah. That's what I'm at.
He likes it all.

Speaker 2 And when it's Black History Month, do you only jerk off to Black porn? Do you feel it's like offensive to jerk off to other people? Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't even Google.

Speaker 2 I would go to Desi in honor honor of respect to the black history. You know what I'm saying? So I would jack off maybe the Desi so that I won't offend my sex.
You feel what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 A black history because you don't jerk off to black porn. Well, we ain't going to say that.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying, if I did, if I had that kind of conscience, if I had a conscience like that, you know what I'm saying? What's your search then, Doc? What's your search?

Speaker 2 Because we're letting out the juice. Man, let me.

Speaker 2 I just told you, like, I go through the different races, right? Yeah. And then sometimes I'm like, you know what? What these grannies look like, right? What these grannies look like.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you know, there's some hot ones out there. Oh, yeah.
So then I might hit a little pog porn, you know what I'm saying? Pog.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Fat-ass white girls. Yeah, you know,

Speaker 2 always ebony, you know, you always go that round, but that's just obvious, right? Pog is such a great term. It's got good.
What a term. But my shit is simple, though.
I don't like the SM.

Speaker 2 I don't like the cuck shit. Like, the cuckoo shit is weird.
Yeah, I don't like that stuff. Yeah, when

Speaker 2 my husband in the room, I'm like, what is this, man? I don't even like gangbang porn.

Speaker 3 No. No, I like just porn.

Speaker 2 Now you lost me. No.
I'm taking the other car. I gotta go.
It's too much. What do you mean? I love it.
It's a fantasy I'll never be a part of. It's a thing I'll never be a part of again.

Speaker 2 You ever notice how, like, the cameraman always got to be running to see the different action of the different colours? Hey, he's busy.

Speaker 2 Full-time job. Man, he's just a bad one.
You like it on sticks? You like it on a tripod?

Speaker 2 Oh, dude.

Speaker 2 I like a handheld. Let's move around.
Let's see it all. I don't like very coordinated.

Speaker 2 By the way, what a Hanukkah episode.

Speaker 2 Let's open up another gift.

Speaker 2 You knew it was going to go there. I know, of course.
How could I not? Third candle. I know the first two haven't burned all the way.
This is the big,

Speaker 2 the big one.

Speaker 2 By the way, what night is the night where you really get probably the best gift?

Speaker 3 I feel like seven or eight.

Speaker 2 Ooh, so coming to the end. Yeah.
So at the beginning, you get like little tiny.

Speaker 3 Let's get some knick-max little things, and then by the end, you're getting like an Xbox 360.

Speaker 2 Shit. Do you remember any of the gifts when you were a kid at all?

Speaker 3 I really...

Speaker 3 I got like the gaming consoles at the end.

Speaker 2 At the end. Yeah.
But at the beginning, what is it? Because I'm trying to. I'm trying to.

Speaker 3 It's like little, it's like shit like this.

Speaker 2 Right. It's like tiny little

Speaker 2 knickknacks. Cigarines at G.I.
Joe's.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That's fine.

Speaker 2 Clear all that stuff off your desk, all the packages. I'm trying to remember.
What is this? What did he get? You got some great gifts, actually.

Speaker 3 Jerry's apartment in Seinfeld.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. Who makes this? What company? Funko.
Funko mini. That's dope as hell.

Speaker 3 I love this. This would be a great middle Hanukkah gift.

Speaker 2 So this is 4-5.

Speaker 2 We're a little early. Oh, no, you're getting it the right.
This is the right person. Oh, that's dope as zero.
I got a Bruce Lee action figure from Frank. This is awesome.
Dude, do you see this guy?

Speaker 2 I got a Bruce Lee action figure from

Speaker 2 He just wants to be a part of it. Do you know what I mean? He really needs to be part of it.
He's vocal, though. I have gifts too.
Like, he needs to be

Speaker 2 that's tight. That's a great gift.
I guess it's stacked.

Speaker 3 I'm only seeing.

Speaker 2 And you know, Jerry is

Speaker 2 of course Jewish. Am I missing something?

Speaker 3 I'm only seeing like

Speaker 2 the window. Yeah, I know.
It's the back. Yeah, it's like the little cubby.
Is it just the case? Oh, yeah, this is just one piece. You could collect the whole apartment.
That's a whole cell.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, we have a low budget on this show.

Speaker 2 Until we do another season of Dave, I'm not going to be able to afford the whole apartment.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'll take the window and the furnace.

Speaker 2 This is his.

Speaker 2 But, you know, by the way, that is an integral piece of the show.

Speaker 2 This little computer desk right there with his little, where his,

Speaker 2 where his

Speaker 2 coat rack was, big moments came from him turning and back to camera from there. By the way,

Speaker 2 huge moment from there was when Kramer came in, slaps the money on the table when he said, I'm out. When they had the who couldn't jerk off.

Speaker 2 There's some really good, I mean, it is so funny to see this show shaped so much of my comedic childhood youth. Jeff Schaefer.

Speaker 2 Jeff Schaefer, I know. Jeff Schaefer, one of the executive producers and

Speaker 2 co-creator

Speaker 2 on our show is

Speaker 2 one of the early writers. One of the early writers.
Yeah. He didn't direct an episode, did he? Of Seinfeld?

Speaker 3 I don't think so, but he came up with the Festivus poll.

Speaker 2 Festivus was him. Yeah, Festivus for the rest of us.

Speaker 3 That's where he met Larry, and now he does curb with Larry, too.

Speaker 2 Nuts. My favorite episode to this day will always be Kenny Rogers Roasters, where they switch apartments, where Kramer becomes Seinfeld, Seinfeld becomes Kramer.
That's to me,

Speaker 2 so it was such a good acting job by Jerry for the first time because most of the time he didn't do a lot of acting on the show. No.
He played Jerry. He was breaking.

Speaker 2 Then he literally became Kramer.

Speaker 2 It was so good. I was like, man, I wish he did that.

Speaker 2 Buffy. Oh, Oh, my God.

Speaker 4 The best present you ever got me was the Buffy Comforter. Dude, it's the best.

Speaker 2 I love it. It is the best.
It's cool.

Speaker 4 It's so nice. I love the fabric it comes in.

Speaker 2 It's so much softer than cotton.

Speaker 4 It's so much more softer than

Speaker 4 cotton.

Speaker 2 And it's earth-friendly, dude. It's eucalyptus.
He uses 10 times less water to grow cotton to grow than cotton.

Speaker 4 No more night sweats, Andrew. Get cozy without overheating.

Speaker 2 That's right. We've talked about it on this show enough.
Listen up.

Speaker 2 If you don't, don't try Buffy. Yeah.
We're going to come get you. We're going to get you.
We're going to come get you.

Speaker 4 It's 100% plant-based design, design, is breathable, and keeps you at a comfortable temperature in a way that polyester and down-filled comforters cannot.

Speaker 2 It's cruelty-free. It's hypoallergenic.
It's high thread count. It shuts out dust, mold, mites.
For a healthier sleeping environment, it's earth-friendly, like we said. It's softer than cotton.

Speaker 2 Why not choose 100% plant-based bedding that's better for you and the earth, okay?

Speaker 2 We love the earth. We live on it.
We live on it.

Speaker 4 You can try a comforter in your own bed for free. If you don't love it, return it at no cost.

Speaker 2 Which is impossible because you're going to love it. For $20 off your Buffy Comforter, visit Buffy.co and enter Bad Friends.

Speaker 4 That's $20 off your Buffy Comforter when you visit Buffy.co and enter Bad Friends.

Speaker 2 Policy Genius.

Speaker 4 Oh, my God. I love Policy Genius.

Speaker 2 This holiday season, dude, it sure knows, it sure knows how to lighten your wallet, right? For many families, December is one of the most expensive months out of the year.

Speaker 2 Not to mention it's the busiest.

Speaker 4 If you're looking for a fast and easy way to put some money back in your pocket, why not reshop your home and auto insurance rates with Policy Genius?

Speaker 2 Policy Genius combines a cutting-edge insurance marketplace with with the help from license experts to save on home and auto customers an average of $1,000 a year.

Speaker 4 Better yet, it's simple to use. It's easy.
First, you head to policygenius.com and answer a few quick questions about yourself and your property.

Speaker 2 Then Policy Genius does the rest. They'll compare rates from over 30 top insurers from progressive to nationwide to find the lowest quotes.

Speaker 4 Yep, their license experts will look at all the ways to maintain your savings, including bundling your home and auto policies.

Speaker 2 I can't read. Their license experts are going to look into all the ways to maximize your savings.
They're going to bundle your home and auto policies.

Speaker 2 And Policy Genius, if they find a better rate from what you're currently paying, they'll get you switched for free.

Speaker 4 And that kind of service has earned Policy Genius a five-star rating across over 1,600 reviews on TrustPilot and Google.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, so if you're feeling the pinch during the holiday season, find out how much you can save on home and auto insurance at policygenius.com.

Speaker 2 They save their home and auto insurance customers an average of $1,000 a year by reshopping.

Speaker 4 Policy Genius, when it comes to insurance, it's nice to get it right.

Speaker 3 The core cast.

Speaker 2 Julia LaDreyfus, how do you hit that many home runs in your career she's the best well how do you go from that and also and then make veep yeah

Speaker 2 it's almost impossible to make two massively banger shows yeah i mean seinfeld's arguably way bigger but you know what i mean still but did you ever watch veep but she did no i never watched it oh she's like the daughter of a billionaire you know that right i i think i did know that just like you like like the daughter of a billionaire

Speaker 2 she's so funny it's beyond i made her break one time it was like the moment in my career that really making her and larry laugh are the two biggest moments of my career. Whoa, the curve.

Speaker 2 Making him break in the room. If that happens again,

Speaker 2 pin. I'm getting verschnucked over here.
I know how the pin would work. You just push it into your hair and clip.

Speaker 2 I just made up a Jewish word, a Yiddish word. I'm getting verschnucked over here.

Speaker 2 You know how easy it would be to make it? It's so easy to make up Jewish words.

Speaker 2 You want me to do it for you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like a real Jew. I know what I'm doing.
Oh, hilarious.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's a snap.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a snap.

Speaker 2 Cool. Well, you don't have sisters?

Speaker 2 So you don't wear a yam? I never wear a yamaga.

Speaker 3 No, you know, in my synagogue, it was like, you want to wear it?

Speaker 2 And I'm just like, no. Why not? Hold on.
I think this is great.

Speaker 2 Fancy loves it. It covers up his hat.

Speaker 2 I don't like wearing hats. Like, I'm not a big hat.
Oh, you're not a hat, do you?

Speaker 2 You love it, fans, huh? I love it.

Speaker 2 It works better than keeps.

Speaker 2 He doesn't need to take pills to keep his hair anymore. He's just going to wear yamogas.
Just become Jewish. Yeah, I got

Speaker 3 a problem with it. It's just, if I had the option, it's like, do you want to wear a watch today or no watch? I would not wear a watch.
You know, it's the same. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but a watch isn't going to be religious connotation. No.
This is pretty.

Speaker 3 But they aren't like, put it on. If they were like, put your dumb on, I would do it.

Speaker 2 They'd be like, do you want to wear a watch? It's very casual. It's very Jewish.
It's very Jewish. You'd be like, yes, no, fine.
No big deal. That's such a Jew.
It's such a sweet Jewish way.

Speaker 2 With Catholics, it's like, hey, you're going to get baptized and you're going to drink the blood of Christ and eat his body. Yeah, you're going to like it.

Speaker 2 And you have to line up and you have to feel weird and bad about it. And then the kids, we're always in line.
We're always making jokes the whole time. We're always shitting on it.

Speaker 2 And, you know, the dad is like, hey, cut it the fuck up. That happens.
That doesn't happen in the synagogue. No chance.

Speaker 3 No, it's just warm smile.

Speaker 2 Because there's nothing that serious there, huh? We have to get up and do

Speaker 2 fucking sing. And if you don't sing, singing.
Yeah, but if you don't sing, your dad,

Speaker 2 my dad would be like, hey, fucking, you'd be mad if we were fucking off.

Speaker 3 Were you going to church every week?

Speaker 2 No, not every week. We never went every week.

Speaker 2 It was impossible as a kid because lives happen.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 What a time suck.

Speaker 2 It stinks. Yeah.
And it's football. Oh, my God.
It always bothered me as a kid. Like, if the bears, if the bears were playing in the morning games, we're fucking up.
We're fucking up.

Speaker 2 We're missing all of it. I have to go to church.

Speaker 2 Unless they wanted to go to early service. And then if we got really early, then we can knock it out and make it.
Did you go to church?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did.

Speaker 2 You care to expand on it at all? There was some chocolate in this motherfucker's. Yeah, that's what it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, damn.
You know, all Jewish money has chocolate in it.

Speaker 2 Probably.

Speaker 2 I'd kick it with y'all with y'all fucking.

Speaker 2 I'd kick it with y'all of y'all.

Speaker 2 If y'all money was chocolate, you know, I'd like dudes more.

Speaker 2 Doc, what? What's your lucky day? What did you do? Did you go to Catholic? Baptist. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you know. I should have known.
Yeah, why would you even

Speaker 2 black guys singing?

Speaker 2 Explain it a little bit. I went to a couple of Baptist churches.
You ever been?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 2 Fuck me. They sing.

Speaker 2 The singing is.

Speaker 2 But the singing is wild.

Speaker 2 People are excited. Yeah, yeah.
They're excited. No one's falling asleep there.
Yeah. Every time I went to church as a kid, we fell asleep.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I mean, even the kids, even the kids can be entertained.

Speaker 2 It's two or three hours.

Speaker 2 It's like this guy is doing like Armageddon type of preaching. He's like, bro, the goddamn game is on weapon.

Speaker 2 Armageddon.

Speaker 2 Come on, bro. It's too long.

Speaker 2 Did you ever get in trouble when you went to synagogue?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What happened? Did you guys like, did you run off and do some dumb shit?

Speaker 3 Yeah, one time.

Speaker 3 Basically, I'd been going to Hebrew school for

Speaker 3 like five years. And then you get bar mitzvah, and then it kind of ends.
So there was like a last day of Hebrew school.

Speaker 3 And it's like the last day of school every year, but like the last day of like high school. It's like, you know, there's so many years of gone.

Speaker 3 So the last day of school, of Hebrew school, I got kicked out of class. for like talking too much to my friends, you know?

Speaker 2 Oh, that, but nothing bad.

Speaker 3 No, well then okay there it is I was just so annoyed that like this is the last day I've put in so much time and energy into this Hebrew school which is not something I'm particularly passionate about but I did it with a good open mind and I feel like I got the right values and I feel like I was a good boy and they kicked me out just for being too loquacious on the last day and I

Speaker 2 in a fit of rage I um

Speaker 3 I kicked a like a window in Wait, you're like glass broke?

Speaker 2 No, just the screen, yeah. I kicked the screen.
That's like diet anger.

Speaker 3 I kicked the screen Yeah, that's true. And then I got the fuck out of there.

Speaker 2 Talk them. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 So, and I, and I, I've, I, I have been back, but when I go back, I feel bad about the screen.

Speaker 2 How funny. You should bring a screen.
You should bring a screen as a gift.

Speaker 3 I feel bad. I'm sorry for.
I shouldn't have done that, but

Speaker 2 that's not that bad. You're a good dude, man.
Yeah. That's not that bad.

Speaker 2 They were testing me.

Speaker 2 You Catholic, right? Huh? You Catholic? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 But it's, we're talking about this right now. Okay, no, man.

Speaker 2 Today I'm Jewish. Okay.

Speaker 2 I feel like sometimes I get asked if I'm Jewish because there's a lot of Hasidic Jews with red hair.

Speaker 2 There's a

Speaker 2 look up red-headed Hasidic Jews. There is a high population of red-headed Jews in Israel, apparently, but I had no idea.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 look at these guys. National Redheaded Day, the history of ginger Jews.
Click on that. The history of look at these guys.
Look at these. Look at these guys.
Gorgeous. Bro, look at that.

Speaker 2 What are those called? What are those? Paos. Paos.

Speaker 2 That dude's payas is fucking lit. So that's the ones that

Speaker 2 don't like electricity or anything like that. Is that not me? I feel like that's me.
Could be. That's me for sure.

Speaker 3 Wait, two down is you. Look, no, one below that.
That guy. No, no, to the right.

Speaker 2 That is you. Yeah, there I am.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 God damn, that's your doppel.

Speaker 2 This must be a guy, a famous guy, because look at the first picture as him again, too. Click on the first picture.
Also, me. Who's Israel activist? Yehuda Glickshot.
Yehuda Glickshot.

Speaker 3 I know, shot and wounded.

Speaker 2 I got clipped? Yeah. Oh, hell yeah.
Click on that. Let's see see what happened in the Wall Street Journal.
I was wounded in Israel.

Speaker 2 Israeli activist Yehuda Glick. Bro, Yehuda Glick.
Shot and wounded. Yehuda Glick out here in these streets.

Speaker 2 Shot and wounded? Do he got clapped? Oh, this was a long time ago.

Speaker 2 You got to grow a beard like that. That's legitimately me.
That looks exactly right. Hell yeah, bro.
I have that same nose. The shape of my nose is long, deep like that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's got the same kind of little hair flip.

Speaker 2 Same hair flip. Dude, that's me, 100%.
They asked me if I was Jewish when I was walking through the old neighborhood when my buddy used to live off of like Pico, Pico.

Speaker 2 Boulevard? Yeah, Pico and like Olympic. Yeah.
Oh, no. Yeah, right down there.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pico Beverly.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I mean, you don't. You didn't look Jewish to me before today, but now when I see you with the Yamicon, like, I believe that you could be Jewish.

Speaker 2 Now I'm selling it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Next season on the show, I should.

Speaker 3 You were one in the I did.

Speaker 2 I did on the Bar Mitzvah episode, but next season, I should get the instinct to just take it for you. I'd be like, look, it's something I want to do.

Speaker 2 And we get into a fight because I'm mad you're not Jewish enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I'm like,

Speaker 2 I start speaking Yiddish to you.

Speaker 2 That is funny. I'm like, don't, I'm making up Yiddish words as I go.
Don't que mechani, okay? You're really getting on a mask.

Speaker 2 All right, let's light another candle and open a gift, baby. This goddamn Spanish is killing me.

Speaker 3 Literary.

Speaker 3 Yep.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we do. Oh.
By the way, The Candles is a great. Uh-oh, what is it?

Speaker 3 Who is Steven Spielberg?

Speaker 2 Who is Steven Spielberg? I'm interested. Oh, that's funny.
That's a great book. That's a great book.

Speaker 2 I don't know much about Jurassic Park.

Speaker 3 Woody Allen.

Speaker 2 And Woody Allen. Okay.
A king of the Jewish film community. Yep.
Yeah. Isn't he your favorite, Fancy? My favorite.
He loves Woody Allen. And he hates Jews.
So that's a good balance.

Speaker 2 Woody Allen.

Speaker 2 He's been slipping up. He made a couple of mistakes.
Okay, then put the Spielberg on top. He doesn't slip up at all.
Put him on top. There you go.
There it is.

Speaker 2 This guy makes bangers. All he does is make bangers.

Speaker 2 Spielberg to the Jews is.

Speaker 2 Spielberg to

Speaker 2 the Jewish film community

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 Scorsese to

Speaker 2 the WAPs.

Speaker 2 I could say that because I'm a WAP. I'm half WAP.
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 I'm half WAP. He is, though.
The way that Italians treat Scorsese is the way that

Speaker 2 everybody treats Spielberg. But he is a king of the Jewish community.

Speaker 3 But he hasn't really made a Jewish film, has he?

Speaker 2 Who wants to see those? Yeah. Schindler?

Speaker 2 Schindler's List. What are you talking about? That was Spielberg.

Speaker 2 It was Spielberg, yeah.

Speaker 3 Spielberg directed Schindler's List?

Speaker 2 Are you joking?

Speaker 2 Are you serious? I am serious. Yeah, man.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 That movie's iconic.

Speaker 3 That movie is so good.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, turn your arms.

Speaker 2 Look up Turner Jewish. Turn your Jew card in.
That's it. Turn your Jew card in.

Speaker 2 Don't do that. Don't do that, Romum.
Don't do that. This is very reminiscent of a bad history.
Mumbai? No, no, no, no. Munich.
What about Munich?

Speaker 3 Okay, so he's actually made a ton of Jewish films.

Speaker 2 An American Tale. That definitely was not Steven Spielberg.
Why is an American Tale Spielberg?

Speaker 2 Schindler's List was incredible. It was like one of the greatest films.

Speaker 2 Did it win Oscars? Oh, yeah. How many? I'm saying.
All of them.

Speaker 2 It didn't win all of them. I loved it.
Best picture. Best picture, I know.
Best director. Best director.
What else? Cinematography. Never mind.

Speaker 3 He did it. Sorry, Stephen.

Speaker 2 Yeah, really? Really? He asked you to turn in a Jew card like you guys get cards. Jesus Christ, Doc.
No, you know. You're home saying.

Speaker 2 Look at that. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Schindler's list clipped all those?

Speaker 2 That's 12 Academy Awards? No, it won seven, I think. Won seven, got nominated 12 times.
Yeah, he'd a man. How the fuck are we not nominated for anything?

Speaker 2 How the fuck are we not? I'm sick of this nonsense. Yeah.
What the fuck are we talking about? I don't know how. If the next season we don't get nominated for anything.

Speaker 3 Well, you know, I feel like these seasons deserve nomination. It's like if they're.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you can't go back. No, but.

Speaker 3 So I've just kind of like, you can't put stock in it because, you know.

Speaker 2 Well, I've said this pretty publicly. I don't really like that stuff anyway.
And I know that's not good to say, but I don't care about it. But for your sake, I want it for you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you know what I mean? I don't really, doesn't do anything for me. But I want it for you just because I'm like,

Speaker 2 I don't get it. Yeah.
Didn't give us a nod, huh? Didn't even give us a nod. What other comedy show is hot like that?

Speaker 2 Well, look, we're in a weird gap time because our show kind of came out after award seasoned. We didn't, we, you have to meet.

Speaker 3 This two hasn't been up for Emmys yet.

Speaker 2 No, it can't be because it's off.

Speaker 2 It'll be up next year. We're basically like, yeah, it will be.
It could be up next year. Yeah.
Yeah. But it's so long gone at that point.
I don't know if that's that's how I don't don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't really know how it works. Well, fancy knows.
Isn't that right, fans? Yep. Yeah, we're too kind of like, we're too out of the realm of like, you've got to be pretty close to.

Speaker 2 That's why a lot of those shows like why, huh? But why? I thought it was like a comment. Because timing is everything in Hollywood.

Speaker 2 So once you're not being spoken about is the reason that a lot of films get nominated, especially in the Emmy category, not Oscars, that Academy Awards is different.

Speaker 2 But Emmys is mostly because it's timing, it's buzz, it's hype. It's why succession is like on fire and everybody talks about it.
It's like it's a perfect timing.

Speaker 2 It's like an amalgamation of like timing and culture. And our show existed in an, in the offseason, I'm like, I don't really think there's any excuse you could make for it to not.

Speaker 2 I don't, I'm on your team. I'm saying the, I'm giving the logistics of why.
Okay. But

Speaker 2 do you watch Succession, by the way? I love it. It's funny to say that.
I love it. Because I used to be in love with it.
And now I'm, I'm waning. I'm just getting a little.
Are you caught up?

Speaker 2 I haven't seen the final episode this year.

Speaker 3 I thought the last one you've seen.

Speaker 2 Yeah, last episode? The last one you've you've seen. The second to last episode.
Is the best episode of the series. Period.
I couldn't agree more. We literally both said that.

Speaker 2 Because the episodes ensuing prior to that were not as so good. Like, there was a lot of foot dragging, and Nicholas Braun, huge fan.
Cousin Greg, fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 3 Succession is great.

Speaker 2 It's a great show. You don't watch any of that.
No, I don't even know what that is. I love that.
Guess what? Succession is. Just guess, based on what we said.
Succession is

Speaker 2 definitely a white show.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no. There's there's uh yeah

Speaker 2 probably there's no non-whites on that show there's literally no non-whites there's some where

Speaker 2 the uh the dad's like wife who's like it gone she was like in the beginning and then she's gone she was killed in the beginning she wasn't killed but they they get it they they split up it is it is an incredibly white show well but look at the look at what we're talking about yeah okay when that happens do we need to do something Like when the candle completely burns out.

Speaker 2 Pray to your God, brother.

Speaker 2 You guys don't say anything when the candle's done? Do you wait wait for it to burn out or you just go to bed? Go to bed.

Speaker 2 That seems like reckless.

Speaker 3 My parents probably did a little check.

Speaker 2 No, but I mean,

Speaker 2 there was no thing to say.

Speaker 3 You go there, you light the candle, you say the prayer. When you light the candle, you get the gifts, and then you go to the bathroom.

Speaker 2 How long is the prayer? 30 seconds. Can we say any of it? Do you know any of it? Look it up.

Speaker 3 Let's say that

Speaker 2 you're such a bad junior. Wait, wait, wait.
Can your next album be called?

Speaker 2 Hold on. Don't say it without us lighting it.
All right, here, here we go. All right, I'm going to light this.
You're going to open up a a present. Ready? Here we go.

Speaker 2 Who's Asher's kid?

Speaker 2 That's what it is. That's nice.

Speaker 2 Blessed are you, our God, ruler of the universe, who makes us holy through your commandments and commands us to light the Hanukkah lights.

Speaker 2 Oh, look at that. It's an Adam Sandler

Speaker 2 towel or blanket. How fun is that? It's a Sandler blanket.

Speaker 2 Give it to me. Let me show.
Oh, that's fire right there. this is great what a jill

Speaker 2 what a men is what you say yeah look at all the titles what a storied career huh i said what a storied career

Speaker 2 sandler is the fucking goat sandler's the shit yeah

Speaker 2 i think he's such a he is he is the fucking man i love him he's so he is so dope he's done the thing where it's like Someone's like, oh, these newer movies aren't that.

Speaker 2 Did you want him to make teenage humor up into his 60s? That's insane.

Speaker 3 And I think he has, to his credit, done a good job of sprinkling in

Speaker 3 a few great movies, you know what I mean? Good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I mean Spanglish. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What about the new movie that just came out? What's the movie that just came out? What's wrong with me? I don't know. The dad, he's the jeweler, where he's the just.
Oh, Uncut Gems. Uncut Gems.

Speaker 2 Fire.

Speaker 2 So for every grown-up,

Speaker 2 there's a great

Speaker 2 funny people was good, but I think it was more of a Judd production than anything. But it was still great.
Yeah. But I'm saying.
But he was a great actor. He's a great.
I'm looking at the garnish.

Speaker 2 He's a really good actor. Also, Zohan,

Speaker 2 underrated and fun.

Speaker 2 Funny people, Click Jack and Jill.

Speaker 3 Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore are like the two.

Speaker 2 Oh, the two knockouts. Waterboy was great.
Yeah, Waterboy was great. Wedding Singer was phenomenal.
Phenomenal. 51st Dates is one of my favorite of all time.

Speaker 2 51st Dates. Say that again.

Speaker 2 Say it again. 51st Date is one of your favorite of all time.
Yeah. Respect.
Doc Respect. Big Daddy.

Speaker 2 Big Daddy, phenomenal. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love Bulletproof. Yeah, God.
I did. I loved it.
You like Bulletproof? Yeah. It's okay.

Speaker 2 Look, the guy made so many bangers. And I hope you do sleep with this because I think this is an awesome gift.

Speaker 3 I played basketball with him one time.

Speaker 2 Over at

Speaker 2 Sony, I mean? Yeah. Yeah.
I played up on that court. Yeah.
And I liked it.

Speaker 2 He's good.

Speaker 3 He's competitive. I remember thinking, like, we started playing and, like, really quickly into it, it was two on two.
And he put his shoulder right into my chest. And I thought, I like this man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he hoops. He's not going to go soft on you.
Yeah. Especially another young Jewish man.

Speaker 3 He's got a whole bureau in his office with basketball shorts. Like, he pulls out a drawer and it's like just yeah, because he wants to hoop at all times.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's cool. So, do y'all have like uh blues and crips of like the Jews where like certain Jews don't like each other? You know, one type don't like the other type.

Speaker 2 Jews, the thing about Jews is that they really do that, Tino.

Speaker 2 Let me have one more do y'all have blues and crips for Jews. I mean, insane.
Are there gang subsets of Jews? No,

Speaker 2 those are gangs. Bloods and crips are

Speaker 2 tribal type of

Speaker 2 tribal.

Speaker 3 Philosophically, one of the good strengths of the Jewish community is that they really do like band together and elevate each other.

Speaker 2 That's fucking duck.

Speaker 2 Are there bloodsheds? The ones that don't like electricity. Are they Amish people? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That has nothing to do with Jews.

Speaker 3 Orthodox Jews, maybe. And I think they're okay with Orthodox.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're talking about on Shabbos and stuff like that?

Speaker 3 They're not like, you know, enemies with the ones who are less religious.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 That's just like saying

Speaker 2 you have to have a family member. You have to have an auntie that's like crazy religious.
right? She doesn't care that you're not crazy religious, you're just, it is what it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's the same shit. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Hasidic Jews are just much more religious than him. They practice.
Okay. He's non-practicing.
Okay. We talk about practice.

Speaker 2 Practice.

Speaker 2 Talk about practice. But put me in the game.
Put me in the game. Not in the game.
Yeah. Not in the game.

Speaker 3 I was watching that live when it happened.

Speaker 2 That's probably one of the greatest moments in interview history.

Speaker 2 That or,

Speaker 2 and for people, you know what we're talking about, don't you?

Speaker 2 You talk about practice? Oh, Ellen Iverson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 AI had a great moment about for fans of, I hope you've seen the clip, but fuck me, it's just

Speaker 2 by the way, you know, you know what was what was so unfortunate about AI's career in this regard, this was kind of a microcosm of what was going on.

Speaker 2 They painted him in this light all the time, right? Even from the high school fight tapes. They wanted to picture him as this thug is what they said in the news.
They said it all the time.

Speaker 2 Thug, thug, thug.

Speaker 2 But all he was doing was being organically himself, and they took it as if it was this thug mentality. But it wasn't.
That was the problem. Just never even went to jail.

Speaker 2 He didn't do anything. Yeah, it was proponent.
That was the craziest part about this.

Speaker 2 And so then this, this is another way that the media portrayed him in this bad light where they were like, oh, and he's too good to show up for practice. That's not even remotely true.

Speaker 2 The whole thing was a weird lie the media perpetrated.

Speaker 2 It just shows why, why, if anybody besides Trump, I've said this before, if anybody besides Trump coined the phrase fake news, it would have weight in our community.

Speaker 2 Because the news is full of shit. They do these kind of things, but Trump said it to aid his opinions.
And it fucked up the truth. Because the truth is, yeah, news is fake.
Fake news is real.

Speaker 2 This was fake news. He didn't skip practices.
He wasn't this delinquent. He was a great team member.
They loved him.

Speaker 2 But this made him out to be this, they wanted to paint a nemesis. Iverson, I wonder if.
He's got to be a hero of yours.

Speaker 3 Oh my god, I was gonna say, I wonder if I'd even be a rapper if it wasn't for Alan Iverson.

Speaker 3 Like, growing up in Philadelphia at the prime of his career, like I was 13 getting Bar Mitzvah when they were going to the NBA Finals, like

Speaker 3 putting out albums in between seasons.

Speaker 2 How fun was that shit?

Speaker 3 So fun. It was kind of looking back on it, it's reckless.

Speaker 2 Remember when Latrell Shrewell put out spinners? Remember when Spinner, like, yeah, Lattrell

Speaker 2 made rhymes a little thing? Yeah, it was very reckless to put out albums while you're in the playoffs. Yeah,

Speaker 3 I mean, I don't care at all, but the language he used in some of the songs is insane for like an NBA player.

Speaker 2 But I guess good for him well i'll be honest with you i was mad when he got traded to the pistons i was like fuck why y'all pick him up like this guy is not well fit the pistons let me see some of the lyrics what song do you remember writing the song from his album i know his name was jules j-e-l-j-e-w-l-d yeah and i remember the one i i like he rapped in a really interesting way like a

Speaker 2 like a staccato-you know he was he was what he was he was jordan to you for me because growing up in chicago

Speaker 2 it was wild to have jordan was like i i didn't appreciate it until i got older. I didn't know any better.
How could I have known?

Speaker 2 All right, go ahead, Doc. Why don't you wrap this for us? Because we know that you can do it.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 I say that with so much sarcasm because there's a real rapper in the room, but I need Doc to do this in front of Dave because I want to see how he feels about it.

Speaker 2 For the year 2G rap, let me give you a beat.

Speaker 2 Okay. Let's go.

Speaker 2 For the year 2G rap, change the game, changed the name.

Speaker 2 Jules ain't, man. I can't do this shit.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 you definitely got it. I ain't fucking got it.
No, you ain't got it 100%.

Speaker 2 For the year 2G, the rap game changed for one name. Jules aimed to slain anything on this plane.
Remains are found when the best kept secret got heated. You went platinum with a ghost rider.

Speaker 2 So in the game, you cheated. Who is he talking about? I don't know.
Something that's interesting.

Speaker 2 Who is he shooting at?

Speaker 3 I love when Kobe

Speaker 3 and Shaq were rap,

Speaker 3 and when Shaq won, and he was like, Kobe, how's my ass taste?

Speaker 3 I just just love shaq shaq rapp too you know who's a really good rapper uh is um he's on the hornets uh what the is his name he's one of their best current jay moore no is uh first off damian litter is a great rapper um is he yeah damian litter yeah

Speaker 2 dame dalla but uh who do you think would be the worst rapper in the nba who would be the most trash you just instinctually like ennis canter

Speaker 2 you know i want to i want to hear dennis schroeder rap just because he's got

Speaker 2 smooth smooth with it. Yeah, that's what I mean.
I want to hear his little German twang.

Speaker 2 Kobe made a rap, I think.

Speaker 2 Rest in peace. We won't say anything about it.
It was.

Speaker 2 What about Shaq? What do y'all feel about Shaq?

Speaker 2 Shaq was so garbage. It was unbelievable.
It was terrible.

Speaker 2 There was something else. I thought that was.
Did he? Yeah. Shaq and Biggie had a song.
Look that up. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The problem with Shaq is he sounds like he's on pills.

Speaker 2 Because he's always so big and slow.

Speaker 2 Shaq and Notorious Big Can't Stop the Rain. Oh, I remember this.
Can't Stop the Rain. I remember this song.
I do remember that song.

Speaker 2 This is an obvious. Shaft's had an incredible career.
This is a bump. He's still killing it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's probably my favorite commentator in sports history. Those dudes are the greatest.
I love that show.

Speaker 2 When him and Charles go at it, it's literally

Speaker 2 the show should just get rid of Ernie. No offense.
But just make them too. You can beat Ernie.
Sure.

Speaker 2 As a balance. I love Kenny.
Just give me a show with those two guys going on. Kenny is key.
I love Kenny. They're great.
They're great. Just give me those shows.
Charles goes, Kenny, I love him.

Speaker 2 Oh, come on, Kenny, man. You all know what you're talking about.
Yeah, I love him.

Speaker 2 He kind of sounds like you.

Speaker 2 My Charles Markley is Doc.

Speaker 2 Oh, come on, Kenny.

Speaker 2 Kenny?

Speaker 2 He does have that little southern twang.

Speaker 2 Come on, Kenny.

Speaker 3 There's one guy who does the best Charles Methodist.

Speaker 2 Oh, I know who you're talking about. That's the best Charles McClintock.
I've seen that guy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It is really, really. It's almost perfect.
Shaq is too hard because it's too deep and guttural. Well, Shaq is.
Go ahead, do it. Shaq is like, are you pleased?

Speaker 3 The thing that I'm seeing out there.

Speaker 2 No, but we're not.

Speaker 2 Where you got to go on the side of your mouth, too. Shaq, out a little bit on the side of your mouth.
Yeah, whatever. The problem with this.
And the problem, because here's LeBron can't do it.

Speaker 2 LeBron can't do it. Barbecue chicken.
Barbecue chicken.

Speaker 2 All right, open up another gift, Papa. Let's do it.

Speaker 3 Ooh, this feels cloth-like.

Speaker 2 These are great gifts. By the way, let's give a shout out to Pete.
Say thank you. Pete.
Shout out to Pete for some of the most dope gifts. What do we got? Putting that work in, getting those gifts.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's a shower curtain. Oh.
Which you must use use at your new home.

Speaker 2 We must have here. Let dad open it for you.

Speaker 2 Papa, you don't want Papa to open it?

Speaker 2 Wait a minute, shower.

Speaker 3 I have a really good shower curtain right now. It's breasts.

Speaker 2 It's just boobs.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's like cartoon boobs. Cool.

Speaker 2 Those are the rings, and let's see what the curtain is. Let me stand up and show you.
Here, let me have it so I can you can see it.

Speaker 2 I got a funny story with a curtain in Judaism.

Speaker 3 I'll tell it after.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? Oh,

Speaker 2 Goldblum and an ape. Oh, that's cool as fun.
Skullblum and an ape. Yeah.
Oh, that's cool as fun. That's a great shower.
That is a great shower. Oh, God.
What a great reveal, fam. Okay.

Speaker 2 That's a really good gift. Yeah, man.
That's dope. Can I tell you something? On this show, we do give gifts.
I've never gotten gifts this good. Yeah, man.

Speaker 2 So they're obviously showing a little bit of favoritism.

Speaker 3 At my bar mitzvah, speaking of curtains. So first, my bar mitzvah,

Speaker 3 I'd gotten sick the week before, and I was like emaciated. Like I had lost like 20 pounds.

Speaker 2 Flu? Fuck. I don't know.
I just did this.

Speaker 3 But all I know is I'm doing this, you know, I'm on stage, and you know, you do the reading or whatever, and like my whole family, all my friends are in the audience.

Speaker 3 And I had this one kind of like really quirky Aunt Sandy.

Speaker 2 Everybody has a quirky aunt Sandy. I've got two of them.

Speaker 3 And the rabbi was like, you know, very hypothetically, he was like, so where is God?

Speaker 3 And my Aunt Sandy, in the middle of the service, stands up and she goes, He's behind the curtain.

Speaker 3 In the middle of the thing, I never, it was like shocking.

Speaker 2 How funny if God was like, I'm right here.

Speaker 3 I wish I thought there was like a Wizard of Oz setup going on.

Speaker 2 He is behind the curtain. Yeah.
I mean, metaphorically, he is behind the curtain. Where is Aunt Sandy now? Dead.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's behind the curtain.

Speaker 2 Or you hit the

Speaker 2 hit a left, right. And I shouldn't do that in front of it.

Speaker 2 That's kind of weird. Is this weird to do this in front of you? No, I like it.

Speaker 3 It's like I think of baseball.

Speaker 2 Do you feel a little tingling? I think of baseball. Do you feel a little tingling right now? No.
Is this burning? If I keep doing this, are you staying a little bit?

Speaker 2 i'm out i'm on a grass field you know what's so funny this means i don't even this means nothing to me because i'm not religious yeah when i see people do that on the plane every time i take off on a plane flying every single week to do shows every time really you see it every time without fail i see someone go

Speaker 2 and you know what's so funny about catholics or christians or whoever that does it

Speaker 2 they do like

Speaker 2 in church or whatever you'll see people really do it you know but when it's on a plane they want to it's weird to show publicly how you feel about something but they want to get through it quickly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so you'll see someone to see, kind of, and they hide it. They'll go,

Speaker 2 I did it too. When we had somebody on here doing something, oh, he blessed himself.
We had Shin Lim, one of the greatest magicians of all time,

Speaker 2 come here live and do car tricks. And Doc, really he just had to pray to his God.
Well, he sat down.

Speaker 2 We got to get rid of them spirits. That's all.
Just bring in them spirits. Because you know how black people feel about magic.
That's why we call them Little Black Magic.

Speaker 2 But you know, black people get weirded out by magicians.

Speaker 2 They just don't like the way that.

Speaker 2 Because what do you think it is? You think it's voodoo?

Speaker 2 you know. Well, at first, now that I know what it is, but at first, yeah, you're like, man, this dude is messing with the spirits.
He's messing with the spirits.

Speaker 2 So we don't have any connection with realms and shit like that. I didn't see David Blaine doing card tricks.
You don't like David Blaine at all.

Speaker 2 No, remember, I said that I thought David Blaine was black, and then y'all corrected me. Yeah, you did think.
Isn't he half black? He's not. We all thought that.
He's not. I know.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm talking about.
What is he? Puerto Rican and Italian descent is what it says there. Okay.

Speaker 2 That's why he looks. That's why he looks like that.

Speaker 3 Do you think it'll say that I'm Jewish in my early life?

Speaker 2 I highly doubt it won't. Huh.
Search Wikipedia. No, dude, you were already there.
Just stay on the page and search Wikipedia.

Speaker 2 I bully him through the internet.

Speaker 2 All right, let's read. David, Zoom and David Andrew Bird, known as Little Dickie's American Rapper,

Speaker 2 comedian actor. He came to promise to release the music video.
No, go down to early life. Yeah.
All right, here we go. Born in Chetlaham Township, North Borough, Philadelphia.

Speaker 2 Grew up in upper-middle-class Jewish family in Elkins Park neighborhood.

Speaker 2 Upper middle class. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Make no mistake about it. That's right.

Speaker 2 Chetlaham. What a wild

Speaker 3 Cheltenham. Cheltenham.

Speaker 2 Cheltenham. I'm saying it wrong.
Cheltenham. What does that even mean, Cheltenham? Do you know what it's a reference to? How did you answer that question? Shouldn't be a Chinese city.

Speaker 2 What does that mean? Maybe there was Dan Cheltenham that founded it. You see what happens on the show? You get gifts and you learn.
Yeah. Hell yeah.

Speaker 2 And Little Black Magic says weird stuff like, Are there Crips and Bloods and Jews?

Speaker 2 With really sincere.

Speaker 2 He means everything he says. It's kind of strange.
I'm going to pick with you, dog.

Speaker 2 I love you. Hell yeah.
I love you, too. I'd like to be a part of your life.
Do you feel that shit, though? Yeah. Fuck.

Speaker 2 Dude, you don't want this guy anymore. I don't know why.
No, it's insane. Yeah, he does.
He fucking likes you. He wouldn't throw that out there if he didn't feel it.
You don't really know.

Speaker 2 There's, he's got, there's, there's some shit. Yeah.
Yeah. We go all the way back to Egypt, right? Yeah.
No, you don't go back to Egypt, bro.

Speaker 2 I'm there with you. Back there, the Pharaoh.
You get it. Do you

Speaker 2 get it? Let me say this. Even in Egypt, you guys were born in different parts.
Don't matter. We still have to be in the middle of the day.
You're very far away.

Speaker 2 Coexisting. That's what it's very far away.

Speaker 2 And you know what?

Speaker 2 And I'm on the island and I'm from the island. The island? Ireland.

Speaker 2 It's an island.

Speaker 2 And I'm on the island. Yeah.
And that's where we're from. And I'll stay on my island.
You Egyptians can co-mingle. I'll stay on my cold, wet, sad, pale island.

Speaker 2 You guys get sun and you ruin your buildings with sun. I'll stay pale with potatoes.

Speaker 3 I went to Ireland once, very desaturated.

Speaker 2 It's a lovely country,

Speaker 2 but I get why

Speaker 2 I get why booze, I get why people drink. Yeah, it's a tough place.
It's Seattle. It was great.
The difference of Seattle,

Speaker 2 Seattle and Ireland, same kind of weather, but they

Speaker 2 suicide's heavy in Seattle because it's sad. We just drink and laugh it away.
Yeah. Two kinds of culture.
It's cultural.

Speaker 3 You guys play the long game suicide.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we die at the very end.

Speaker 2 Booze lets us kill us. Yeah, we let booze do the work for us.
All right, open your almost last gift. Second to last.

Speaker 2 What is it? Joan Rivers. Oh, Joan Rivers Adult Coloring Book.
Another famous Jewish hero.

Speaker 2 Rest in peace. Rest in peace to Joan Rivers.
She was the best. Beautiful.
Oh, red carpet. Do me a favor.
Promise me you will color one of those.

Speaker 2 If you haven't caught her on Louie, I don't have anything to catch her.

Speaker 2 What are you saying over there?

Speaker 2 Sometimes he just mumbles shit, and

Speaker 2 he doesn't say anything.

Speaker 2 There's an episode of Louis she was on.

Speaker 2 me and Louis C.K. had a personal moment.
I talked to him about it. I told him that was my favorite episode with him and John Rivers.
What did Louis say to you? He said it was his favorite, too. Huh.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So you said, hey, let's do the conversation.
I'm Louis. You're Louis.
You hate red hair? Yeah. Thank you.
Get it. Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2 So I'm jerking off.

Speaker 2 I was fucking up. Let me get this.
Good time, Bernie.

Speaker 2 All right, so go ahead. Let me go

Speaker 2 That's pretty goddamn good.

Speaker 2 Fun, bro. All right, so look, I'm Louie.
You Louie. I'm like, hey, he's a comedy store, obviously.
Yeah, I'm comedy store here. He was leaving, and I said, Hey, hey, you got to get my car.

Speaker 2 I said, Hey, Louie, I said, I've been watching your show, and I said, Call him Loud. Yeah, hey, Lou.
That's sweet. Because, you know, he was like, Do he only

Speaker 2 are allowed to give nicknames to people, and they have to accept it. Yeah, he calls me Tino.
Yeah, Tino. And I love it.
Yeah. I love

Speaker 2 your dog. People said it as a kid.
I'm your dog? Yeah, my dog, my my family. Oh, I thought you meant I'm your dog, like a dog.
I thought you don't have a dog. No, like, dog, homie.
Dog, my homie.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 When I was a kid, Tino, sometimes, mostly Santino, but go ahead. So, Lou.
I was like, my dad. What's up, Lou? Lou.
I was like, man, yo, I love your show. No one's ever.

Speaker 2 Never.

Speaker 2 I just wanted to tell you that episode with Joan Rivers, I said, man, that was my favorite episode. He said, oh, he said, that's my favorite episode, too.

Speaker 2 That's because what she said in there was just beautiful, man. It was like, fucking, don't remember.
But I'm going to tell you what, bro, that was fucking, it was good. It was good.

Speaker 2 Did he say anything else to you? He said,

Speaker 2 he gave me a tip and then he left. Great tipper.
What'd he tip you, 100? 100 and actually 200. Huh.
200 bucks to park in a lot of time. No, not a lot, probably.

Speaker 2 He was like, he never tipped me to worry about it. Me and Lou, we got a special relationship, so don't get mad.
Imagine he'll never, ever remember this. You know what's funny?

Speaker 2 You know how I got past at the improv?

Speaker 2 Because I followed Lou. Wait, what? So Ian Edwards had his show there.
Louis C.K. dropped in, right? Right.
And then Louis bumped me. And I was in the back panicking.

Speaker 2 And then Ian was like, no, no, no, don't worry. You'll be able to follow him, though.
And I said, man, because he was killing it. I said, fuck.
Louis C.K. was killing it? Yeah, he was killing it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was like, hey, he was surprised. He's like, man, what a greatest movie as well.
He was just ripping this motherfucker.

Speaker 2 I was sweating like I was in juvenile court, right? So then the motherfucker was like,

Speaker 2 so Ian said that. Then I just went up, did my thing.
And then after that, that's when Jamie, because remember Jamie Flam? Yeah, I remember. Where he got the dynasty top writer.

Speaker 2 He came to me, he said, From now on, you're going to be in here and we're going to book you. We're not going to be able to give you a lot of spots, but know that we think you're funny, like that.

Speaker 2 And that's great.

Speaker 2 And that's because you followed up him well. Yep, because I went behind him well, yeah.
That's how I got past that damn pro.

Speaker 3 I love going to those places with you.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 I love when you come.

Speaker 3 It's my heaven on earth when I'm there.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. That's a great club.

Speaker 3 I get all the VIP behind-the-scenes treatments.

Speaker 2 You do. You get treated like a king.
It's great. And everybody wants to come say hi to you.

Speaker 2 Because you're as much a part of the comedy world as you are the rap world so for us it's i think for comedy fans yeah there's an overlap i mean it's one of the it's kind of becomes one of well with you it's one and the same i love watching you up there you like me do my little thing you're so great oh come on sweetie make me so great this this motherfucker did a great job we went down to san diego balboa theaters 1400 seats what was that yeah 1400 1400 seats and uh

Speaker 2 I said

Speaker 2 he's nervous we were in the green room he was nervous you were nervous yeah I'm not shitting

Speaker 2 it and I liked it. I wasn't.
I was given, I could tell, I could feel he was a little nervous. I said, just do your thing.
Do 10, 12 minutes. Just do your thing.
He gets out there.

Speaker 2 This motherfucker, I mean, it's like somebody inflated the confidence. He gets out there.
He's like, what's up, Sandy? I mean, he just blew up and he did 20-something, 20 fucking minutes.

Speaker 2 I said, I first came out. I go, I forgot Doc was black.
I told him to do 10 minutes. I knew he was going to fuck up.

Speaker 2 10 minutes is 30 minutes.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, I don't know what the clock is. The clock was right.
You know, I'm Sage. It's right at the end.
You're sitting on a fucking speaker. A war, regular wall clock on the speaker.

Speaker 2 I was looking in the back for it. It was weird to have an analog clock.
Yeah, I'm used to a digital. I was looking for the light and I just kept going.

Speaker 2 I'm having a good time. He goes, Tino, I can't perform with no analog clock.

Speaker 2 You know who the fuck I am. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 It was fun.

Speaker 3 Are you going to do any comedy in L.A. soon? Not to make plans in the middle of the podcast, but.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, but honestly, I want to come in here. Well, yeah, we will.
I'll get you before I go.

Speaker 2 And then I'm doing like New Year's Eve and Phoenix, and then I have a couple of runs and I end in Vegas. You should come to Vegas in March.
March? March, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I'm doing like three months at the beginning of the year, and then I think we'll probably film in the summer,

Speaker 2 something like that. So I'm just gapping out the beginning of the year.
Yeah. And then doing that until we go again, kiddo.
Until we do our thing.

Speaker 2 All right, let me see your last gift right here.

Speaker 2 I'm excited.

Speaker 3 You know, it's at the bottom of the pot.

Speaker 2 It's the heaviest. Is there a name for the

Speaker 3 ultimate? It's not, there's no like, this is the Abby Singer or whatever.

Speaker 2 Well, we should call it, let's name it something now. What's it called?

Speaker 2 What's the last shot? Martini. Martini, Martini, yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, last gift on Hanukkah.

Speaker 2 It's got to sound yiddish. It's got to sound Yiddish.
So it's got to be called Acht is Acht would be

Speaker 2 German. Well, no, Ocht is

Speaker 2 Latin. Say it German.

Speaker 2 Ocht. Yeah, like

Speaker 2 Kristallnacht.

Speaker 2 Have you heard of Kristallnacht? Yeah, Kristnight. No, it's the Night of the Broken Glass.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Kristallnacht.

Speaker 3 Where like in Germany they

Speaker 3 booted all the Jewish stores.

Speaker 2 Right. Oh, what a nice.
How fun would have that been, huh? Yeah, if you're on the right side of history.

Speaker 2 So wait a minute. Let's name it before you open it.
Don't do that. Let's name it.
Eight is eight.

Speaker 2 Achula. Yeah, like achula.
But that sounds Spanish.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Ochula.

Speaker 2 It's got to sound Yiddish.

Speaker 2 At.

Speaker 3 Here is the grand at.

Speaker 2 The Grand At. Ah, the Grand At.

Speaker 2 Ooh, a little

Speaker 3 frame.

Speaker 3 I don't know what the picture is yet.

Speaker 2 Ooh. Uh-oh.
I haven't seen it yet. I haven't seen it yet.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 Classic. Dude, that is awesome.
Oh, Pete, that is fucking awesome.

Speaker 2 Do you know who that is? No. You don't know who that is?

Speaker 2 Are you fucking?

Speaker 2 Is this Stooge? Oh, yeah. No, you don't know who that is.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. The telethons?

Speaker 2 It seems like it's old. Kids.

Speaker 3 Looks old. He had kids.

Speaker 2 The kids? Yeah, he had a group of handicap or disadvantaged kids. He had a huge charity for them.

Speaker 3 Oh, Roy Rogers.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Give me this so the fans can see.

Speaker 2 I have no idea who it is.

Speaker 2 You don't know who this is. No.
Fuck. Oh, bro.

Speaker 2 I'll give you a hint. What's a good hint? What's a good hint so we don't give it away?

Speaker 3 I got a feeling you're going to tell me his name, and I'm still not going to know who it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're going to know. This is me.
It must be impossible for you not to know.

Speaker 2 Little Black Magic knows.

Speaker 3 No question I've heard of this guy's name.

Speaker 2 Dean Martin. undoubtedly dean martin i've heard of he was one of his best friends

Speaker 2 come on guy

Speaker 2 bombs away

Speaker 2 from a chandelier throwing bowler he did comedy

Speaker 2 and music together they did shows forever tv

Speaker 2 uh what's a good what's a good uh dancing well hint without giving it away fans the original nutty professor yeah well the original nutty professor that's probably one of the best you love nutty professor eddie's version don't you yeah this is the original.

Speaker 2 Eddie did a great job. Should we give him the initials? Do you want to hear?

Speaker 2 Yeah, start with the initials.

Speaker 2 J.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Last initial. L.

Speaker 3 J-L. John Lennon.

Speaker 3 Jackie.

Speaker 2 J-L.

Speaker 3 It's not John Levitt.

Speaker 2 Let me give you the first to figure out the first name. To figure out the first name would be

Speaker 2 lead singer of the Grateful Dead. Jerry.

Speaker 2 Jerry.

Speaker 3 J-L. Jerry Lewis?

Speaker 2 Jerry Lewis Jerry Lewis I have names you do know who that is I have name recognition with Jerry Lewis that's how I was able to guess Jerry Lewis but I have no clue what he what he is you know or you don't know his legacy no pull up a little I mean

Speaker 2 yeah we can know we can pull up some stuff about Jerry Lewis funniest dudes out there in the streets I don't like much before more physical he was more of like a physical actor okay so he was uh

Speaker 2 the Jim Carrey of his time yes yes he was the Jim Carrey of

Speaker 2 Tom Brady getting that knowledge

Speaker 2 So he was so physically wacky and goofy. He was...
Look, look at that. The picture at the Guardian.
Yeah, exactly. That.
That. Right.

Speaker 2 He was so

Speaker 2 wacky and but also so smart and funny. It was shockingly good.
I mean, he was. I'll watch some clips today.
I'll call him off. He was a caricature, man.
He was unbelievable.

Speaker 2 And there's probably a lot of young fans that

Speaker 2 he was in when he was throwing the bulbs. Do you remember that? What? When he was up on top of the chandelier and he was throwing the bulbs and hitting everything.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 One of the funniest fuckers. Why can't I think of that? It's called.

Speaker 2 God damn it. I don't know, man.
He was just so good at transforming into these wild characters. At the end of his life, he kind of became

Speaker 2 an angry curmudgeon. It was kind of.
That happens to every Jill. I know, but this guy, his got pretty bad.
His was kind of like...

Speaker 2 Look, I understand that when comics get to the end of their life, they kind of turn. That's why they say like,

Speaker 2 Chevy Chase is kind of a little moody and curmudgeon-y. And it's like, I think at the very, I wonder if Larry David is going to go the other way.

Speaker 3 Get nicer and nicer.

Speaker 2 Yeah, get sweeter and sweeter and sweeter because you're coming to the end. Yeah.
Because he's always been. How do you think you're going to do? I'm a grump now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I'm thinking I'll probably get sweeter because I'll get more perspective. I've gotten more loving and open-hearted as time has gone on with stuff just because you get older and you start to smell

Speaker 2 the roses. You start to smell.
Well, yeah. Well, you also smell that like, you smell the roses.
I smell the roses.

Speaker 2 I start to smell what's coming, is what I mean. I know that it's like the end isn't super far away.
You're getting older. I've got a lot of life to live.
Yeah, you're like a young man.

Speaker 2 But you know what I mean? Is like you start to realize that things don't matter as much. Yeah, there's not enough time to complain about it.

Speaker 2 It's like, who gives a fuck about a lot of the stuff you can't control? Yeah. My roof leaked this morning.
So what?

Speaker 2 Well, that could be a thing. Huge deal.

Speaker 2 Huge deal. Huge deal.

Speaker 2 It was a nightmare. But it's like after complaining and bitching and like

Speaker 2 doing what I could, I was like. Living it up.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah, the movie Living It Up.

Speaker 2 It says it right there.

Speaker 2 Living it up.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you something. If nothing else, his timing is impactful.

Speaker 2 I thought he was just telling you.

Speaker 2 No, he wants me to live it up.

Speaker 2 He lives it up. He lives that he lives a fucking happy life.
He is, you feel content in life, don't you? Yeah, yeah. If I was, if I left right now, I'm good.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Isn't that insane?

Speaker 2 His disposition is. How old do you think Doc is?

Speaker 3 I'm going to guess like 38.

Speaker 2 How old are you, Doc? 48. Oh, wow.
Just turned 48. Wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah. There should be a new phrase.
That black don't crack thing is not a good phrase. It's got to be like,

Speaker 2 it's got to be something better than that. It's not don't crack because you do have some age lines, without a doubt.
Yeah, you're cracking. But you're not that gray.

Speaker 2 No, he's kept all of his hair really nice. Yeah, you don't dye it either, do you? No.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's like it looks like it's about to turn gray, but it just like doesn't seem to turn gray.

Speaker 2 It doesn't feel like it in a whole long. Yeah.

Speaker 2 you got any gray do redheads go gray

Speaker 2 we just kind of go bald you just like oh it falls out it goes a little bit lighter and then just gets out of there i have i there's one gray strand down here i'm starting to get gray in my are you afraid to go gray uh it just it's a it's it's a sad sign i guess but like i think cosmetically it might make me look better if you go gray just like salt and pepper i think is a good look on salt and pep does look good but but salt and pepper and curls i've never seen salt and peppy curls

Speaker 2 all right well let's let's say happy hanukkah guys what a drink

Speaker 2 If you, here's what I'm trying to say. I'm not about these guys, it doesn't apply to them.

Speaker 2 They don't have to get behind this, but if you're a young Jewish kid and all the kids in your neighborhood have Christmas trees and you feel alone this end of the year, just know that we're with you.

Speaker 2 We're rooting for Hanukkah. If you are able to break into a friend's house, steal their tree, and light it on fire, I'm pro that.
I'm big on that.

Speaker 2 You know what the Jews do on Christmas?

Speaker 3 What? You go to the movies.

Speaker 2 Yeah, go to the movies.

Speaker 3 Every year I would go to the movies, buy one ticket to a movie, stay behind the ticketing thing, walk into a second movie, see that movie for free. Hard.
And then I would go get Chinese food.

Speaker 2 And go get Chinese food. That's your tradition.
Yeah. I think some kids should do that at home.
If you do that, guys, send it into us. Let us know that you guys are going to get Chinese food.

Speaker 3 And see two movies, but pay for one.

Speaker 2 Or see three. Yeah, you could see three.
I've seen three.

Speaker 3 I have seen three.

Speaker 2 You have? I have seen three. I've done two.
We've done that where I snuck in and went to the other. I've never done three.
It's great. It's a great.

Speaker 3 All the best movies come out.

Speaker 2 I don't know how people can get it. Christmas, yeah.
What do you think your limit would be?

Speaker 2 three three i think is enough three is a lot yeah that's like six seven hours yeah god damn depends on what movies you're watching i love i to me i could sit like if if a movie is good the longer the better

Speaker 2 like a three hour great movie is better than an hour and a half great movie for me what's what's what what's the binge of hours have you ever watched movies back to back or at home like never

Speaker 3 i've spent there was one week where we got uh shut down for covid yeah on the show and i just spent a week like watching European films and I would watch like five movies a day.

Speaker 2 Wow. Can you name some of the films? Because I know Fancy knows almost all of them.

Speaker 3 My favorite one was The Prophet.

Speaker 2 You know The Prophet fans? Yeah, awesome movie. Yeah.
Yeah. Awesome movie.
This guy is a movie database.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I watched a lot of, I watched like French.

Speaker 3 Thomas Vinterberg's movies, like Another Round.

Speaker 2 Do you know Thomas Vinterberg? Oh, that's a good movie, Another Round.

Speaker 2 These are the film dorks. They know all that stuff.

Speaker 3 The Dardenne brothers.

Speaker 2 The Darden.

Speaker 3 naturalistic movies.

Speaker 2 You really like that stuff. I love that shit.
Now, what do you have to buy it, right? You can't run it. No, oh, yeah.
Netflix, right? No. It depends.
It depends.

Speaker 3 You know, you got all these apps. Like, half the times, it's like, I offer it on Hulu or offer it, and then it's like, you know, it's, but worst case scenario, you run it on Apple or iTunes.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, look, I love you.
I appreciate you so much.

Speaker 2 I'm so happy that you're healthy and happy.

Speaker 3 I honestly say, I feel like myself for the first time in a while today.

Speaker 2 Do you really? Yeah. Isn't this awesome? It is awesome.
Ah, fuck. That makes me feel good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Happy Hanukkah to all my Jewish brothers and sisters out there, to all our Christian brothers and sisters. Go fuck yourself.

Speaker 2 It's a joke. I'm proud of him.
Just relax, dog. Jesus.

Speaker 3 I shouldn't say Jesus.

Speaker 2 And don't forget, Jesus was a Jew. Jesus was a Jew.

Speaker 2 You're not a Jew for Jesus. No.
That was a great episode of Curve, by the way. The Jews for Jesus.
What do you feel about the Jews for Jesus?

Speaker 3 To each his or her.

Speaker 2 No, you don't feel that way. You really have an opinion.

Speaker 3 Honestly, anyone who believes anything really passionately, I'm kind of like, how could you?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that deeply?

Speaker 3 Yeah, like, how could all this stuff is so?

Speaker 3 Like, I'm not saying that one thing's not true or another, but anyone that could really passionately, totally believe that something is a truth, it's like, but there's no proof of anything.

Speaker 2 So, how it just feels you believe in, yeah.

Speaker 3 I just, I believe in ignorance, that no one knows anything.

Speaker 2 I like that. Yeah, I don't know anything.

Speaker 3 That's all I'm passionate about. That no one has any idea what's going on, and anyone that really claims to know exactly what's going on, it kind of is a little off-putting.

Speaker 2 Sketches me out.

Speaker 3 But I understand why one would believe something.

Speaker 2 Believe whatever you want to believe. Yeah, I I get that.

Speaker 3 I'm not saying don't believe, but I don't like being pushed beliefs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, me neither. And like we're about to right now.
Happy Hanukkah.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend. And I want, actually, why don't you take us out and say happy Hanukkah.
Thanks for being a bad friend into your camera. Go ahead.

Speaker 3 Everybody, happy Hanukkah. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 3 See you next year.

Speaker 2 Eight nights.