Rudy & Fancy's Betrayal

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday to

Speaker 1 Juliana.

Speaker 1 Why do you have to steal the show? Why do you have to steal the show? You can't just... It can't just be a group thing.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, stop. This is plural.

Speaker 1 Bad friends. I know, stop.
Bad friends, plural.

Speaker 1 No, no, wait, wait, stop.

Speaker 1 Can I make a comment before... May I make a comment real quick? Of course.
It's good to see you, number one. Great to see you.
Had a great time in Mexico with you. You know what's so funny? Yeah.

Speaker 1 The best time I had in Mexico was with you,

Speaker 1 not on stage. Okay, we'll talk about it in a second, right? But the third thing, if you ever talk to me like that again, I'm going to rip your eyes out.
Shit.

Speaker 1 All right, so

Speaker 1 I wasn't trying to steal focus, right?

Speaker 1 I just, you know, I've heard, you know, I get nauseous when I hear the same song over and over again. Okay.
So I try to make it my own. All right, let's do it.

Speaker 1 Let's do the black black version of Happy Birthday. Oh, yeah.
Let's do it. You know the black version of Happy Birthday.

Speaker 1 No, no. No, no.
The white version is Happy Birthday. The black version is Happy Birthday to you.

Speaker 1 See, like Dr.

Speaker 1 Happy Birthday to you.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday, Jules. Yeah.
You see what I'm saying? You feel like Bobby? Yeah, and Fancy Got a Cake. Ooh.

Speaker 1 From Porto's.

Speaker 1 Favorite. Wait, stop, stop.

Speaker 1 One last thing. Could I complain about one last thing? What's ours? Beautiful cake.
I love Porto's, right? But

Speaker 1 can I just say something?

Speaker 1 When I get my cake, right? I get it from the Vons.

Speaker 1 No, we got her a Porto's cake. I know.
When I get a cake. Because she's important.
I know. When I get a cake.
She's a beautiful, young,

Speaker 1 smart, vibrant. She's got some sort of like

Speaker 1 PlayStation. Yeah.
Right? AKA or CVS.

Speaker 1 They're not a bakery, right? They're a pharmacy. We got your cake.
I get those cakes.

Speaker 1 She gets. I got the cheapest for you.
I said the cheapest.

Speaker 1 We didn't even get you Vons. We got you John's.
I know. I know.
We got you John. And the guy

Speaker 1 who did the naming on it, the spelling, he had cerebral palsy. He couldn't do it right.

Speaker 1 I was dead serious. All right.
So

Speaker 1 your gift is in the mail.

Speaker 1 What is it? How many times... Stop for a second.
How many times have I told you that the gift is in the mail and the mail always comes and I get you a gift?

Speaker 1 Just one time. One time.
How about this, Bob? You said you were going to get me a gift for my birthday, which was a month. I forgot.
Yeah. I forgot it.
And you said it was in the mail. You lied.

Speaker 1 You said the exact same thing. I won't forget the light.
But can I say this? I'm going through a hard time.

Speaker 1 It was a month ago, my birthday. I know.
I apologize. My birthday.
Guess what?

Speaker 1 The next one?

Speaker 1 I might not make it.

Speaker 1 I might not make it. What? I might not make it.
I know. But if you do make it.
Happy birthday.

Speaker 1 All right, let me say this. Two things.
One, we had so much fun in Mexico. Jules, I'm sad you weren't there because you would have loved it.

Speaker 1 And the second show was actually great. First show was bad.
Second show was great. And two, wait, and two,

Speaker 1 right behind you, we got a Tops of Turtle Island. Amazing.
And I think it's one of the coolest things I've ever seen. Can you guys see that on camera?

Speaker 1 Yep. It's our kids' show.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it doesn't matter. Tops of Turtle Island.
And today's the word is haters. And our special guest is Black Magic Doc.
That's you. Black Magic Doc.

Speaker 1 Why does Rudy have hair on her face?

Speaker 1 Well, that's something we wanted to talk to her about. Yeah, yeah.
Honestly, she has like hair on her face. Yeah, she's, well, we're all Muppets.
We're all Muppets. Yeah, but there's no hair here.

Speaker 1 This is what normal. Why my Muppet look like Emmanuel Lewis alone? You look like Emmanuel Lewis.
You 100% look like Emmanuel Lewis. That's what it is? Yeah.
Okay, well, I guess so.

Speaker 1 You're too thin here.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? So if it went this way,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? But there's not enough

Speaker 1 campus. It's just too thin.

Speaker 1 All right, so first of all, I want to give Rudy my gift, gifts, because I got you multiple gifts in the receipts at the bottom in case you want to take any of it back.

Speaker 1 I am never included on all of this. No problem.
I'm so excited. I went shopping just for you because I saw it.
I said, what really is Rudy Rudy? And look what I got you. Show the camera.

Speaker 1 Show the camera.

Speaker 1 What is that? A black Barbie? Ocean Barbie. Oh, okay.
It's a Barbie that's, she's brown from a part of the ocean. Where did you find ocean Barbie?

Speaker 1 I ordered Ocean Barbie for real. There's an ocean clue? That's Ocean Barbie.
Is she dead in the water?

Speaker 1 She swam here.

Speaker 1 She swam here. Okay.
And what is that? Look at that, a mini little waffle maker.

Speaker 1 That's cute. That's cute.
Oh, yeah. That's very cool.
And the last thing is something very, just cool. It's tiny in there.
It's just

Speaker 1 a girl thing.

Speaker 1 It's a girl thing. It's a jade stone roller to keep your face young.
What? Because 20 is pushing it. Kalada has one.

Speaker 1 They're dope, and you keep them in the fridge and it feels good on your skin.

Speaker 1 No, they're great. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Can I. Would you keep your shit young? Yeah, I mean, you're fine.
You're black.

Speaker 1 Old red bones over here.

Speaker 1 So check this out. Ocean Barbie.

Speaker 1 It literally says on the back, she swam here.

Speaker 1 She swam here, and it's nondescript over where she came from. But look, it's a doll line from recycled ocean-bound plastics.
So she was cleaning up plastics while she came here. Whoa.
Isn't that cool?

Speaker 1 So all the lighters I feed the dolphins. They get made into Barbies.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
So when people are like, don't litter in the ocean, you're like, yeah, right. We get Barbies out of it.
Right.

Speaker 1 I feel like keep littering is how I feel. That's how I feel about it.
100%. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you to keep littering. I love it.
But what race is this, you think?

Speaker 1 So, on the packaging, for some reason, I need to know the race. But look what it says on the back.
What does it say? Look what it says. What?

Speaker 1 It says made from recycled ocean. Was that part? No.
Scan here for more.

Speaker 1 Hey, what? Hey. Yeah.
This is where you make up a joke. Can we do it again? Can I see? Yeah, let me see.
You know what it says? It says, mixed-race Barbie. It said,

Speaker 1 unlike most mixed-race Barbies, this time the dad is white and the mom is black. I love it when that happens.
That's what it says for me. Your dad is Bill Burr.

Speaker 1 The dad is either Bill Burr, Robert De Niro. Or Gary Owen.
Or Gary Owen. Gary Owen.

Speaker 1 Gary Owen. For sure.

Speaker 1 I don't even know who he's dating, but for sure.

Speaker 1 Gary Owen.

Speaker 1 So do you like Ocean Barbie? I love it. Awesome.
But you like the Waffle Maker. You like the Waffle Maker the most.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You make me a waffle Saturday morning or what? Maybe. Ooh.
Throw some shade. Throw some shade.
How was Hawaii, Island Girl?

Speaker 2 It was good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
You had fun in the sun?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I wanted to go to Mexico.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we wanted you to be there. And by the way, you know, your room, they paid for a room for her and everything.

Speaker 1 And you know what? I found out? She got the fucking ocean view. I'm not kidding.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got a fucking ocean view room.
We got the jungle view. And no one was in her room.

Speaker 1 I said, can I switch? And they were like, no,

Speaker 1 it's for a woman's, it's for a female room. Yeah.
I never saw Nikki all week. Nikki was there for one night.
Oh, she was? She was there for one.

Speaker 1 I saw her when she got in with Andrew, Andrew, and then they took off. She sang Taylor Swift and went home.
But we're really appreciative of the people that came out. That was really cool.

Speaker 1 It was so much fun. I took a lot of photos and hugged a lot of people.
And it was a real,

Speaker 1 you know, they would have recognized you too, Doc. Doc, they would have loved it.
They would have loved it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I really believe, Rudy, I mean, Jules, that we saved you from a traumatic experience. Big time.
That first show was traumatic. It was.
It was bad.

Speaker 1 It was chaos. But it's okay.
It's okay. No, you know what? You know what? We're warriors.
We're warriors and we stormed right through it. No, we tried.

Speaker 1 First of all, afterwards, the tent afterwards. Yeah.
I have never seen you so sad.

Speaker 1 I mean, there was one point where I was just kind of like, it was hot.

Speaker 1 So I'm just laying there sweating and just figuring out what the fuck just happened. Yeah.
And I look over to Andrew and Andrew looked like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I had my head straight down and my hands on my knees. Like with his hands down like this.
In between my legs. But it wasn't like a king man.
It was more like, I killed myself, man.

Speaker 1 I killed myself, man. Yeah, like it looked so sad.
Yeah, I was very depressed. And I looked at him and I go, you all right, man? And you go, I'm not.
I'm not. Yeah.
We let them down, I kept saying.

Speaker 1 We definitely.

Speaker 1 I thought y'all figure y'all let them down. What happened? Just because the saddle.
The professionals, okay, doc. The fucking equipment was broken.
Oh, it was it?

Speaker 1 And they tried to fucking railroad us. Yeah, that's right.
Right? And we survived. We survived.
Right? No go. And then in Saturday, when we did the show again, right?

Speaker 1 We made sure that that was not going to happen again. And it didn't happen.
And it didn't happen. It was amazing.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to tell you that we preserved my little man, right? My little brown man. I love your face, buddy.
Right? Don't you? And you know, I love James Baldwin. Do you love him? Fuck is James?

Speaker 1 What does that have to do with that?

Speaker 1 I like James Baldwin, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd like Black Magic for his name, yeah. Yeah, Black Magic is amazing.

Speaker 1 I like Little Black Hole.

Speaker 1 Little Black Hole for me,

Speaker 1 it's a fantasy.

Speaker 1 It's not like a sexual thing

Speaker 1 at all. Okay.
It's more like, you know, let's just put it this way. We might have to cut this out.

Speaker 1 No. All right, we won't.
But, and honestly, I'm going to do this. Do it.

Speaker 1 And God,

Speaker 1 and if you die, it would be so sad. But if you did,

Speaker 1 right? I would go straight to the mortuary

Speaker 1 before they cremated him. Okay.

Speaker 1 And I would go, just save the.

Speaker 1 The whole. Oh, the tush? Not that.
I don't want the cheeks. Just the sleeve.
No, just the

Speaker 1 ring.

Speaker 1 Is that what you call it? Well, the ring with the sleeve. I don't want the sleeve.
Just the ring. Just the ring.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I would have said sleeve.
Right?

Speaker 1 I just want the calamari part.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 And they're going to be like, well, that's weird. We'll just know because we cremate it with the rest.
No. I go, no.
Cut it out. I understand.
Like a pumpkin. Cut it out.

Speaker 1 Carve it out like a pumpkin, right? Is there any way to dry it out so that, like,

Speaker 1 no, let's be real.

Speaker 1 You are. Yeah, I'm being very real to you.
I'm comfortable. They're like, dry out

Speaker 1 an anal rectum muscle. I go,

Speaker 1 you know what? Just give it to me. I'll do it at home.
Pete is searching, can you dry out an anus and save it? Right.

Speaker 1 Now, you might ask why. Yeah, that was just most people would say.
Were you asking yourself why? Because I saw your face. We were confused.

Speaker 1 Right. Don't cry.
It's number one, a ring. Right.
Right? Probably go around,

Speaker 1 probably tight. Kirk ring.
Kirk ring, yeah.

Speaker 1 You think Pinky, you're you're let me see you. You can get it in there.

Speaker 1 You know how they do rings on on sets or whatever. They give you that little

Speaker 1 measure, right? So you think the pinky or you think thumb? He's thumb.

Speaker 1 I'm pinky. Whoa, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 You're my thumb, though. You're double thumb.
I'm double thumb. You're double thumb.
Yeah. Okay.
Double thumb. You know what yours is?

Speaker 1 If they did that,

Speaker 1 and I went to a sign clap and I put it out and I go, what do you think this is? And I had it in a little jar.

Speaker 1 i think the audience that's an elephant's asshole like that's how big it is

Speaker 1 blue whale and i'm gonna be like no not a blue whale i don't know why i think don't die don't die fyi yeah don't don't die doc man you know life is what it is and i'm all right but do you think they would do that or no

Speaker 1 i think if money buys everything if you if you go in waving money how much money is you have to ask the family if i'm gone family might not how much family do you have left probably what

Speaker 1 do you got oh i got a bunch of people in detroit everybody oh yeah

Speaker 1 Also, you have all your bitches, too.

Speaker 1 All the bitches.

Speaker 1 Don't forget the 20,000 bitches that'll be up there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but

Speaker 1 let's get an update on your bitches.

Speaker 1 Can we get a bitch update? A bitches update?

Speaker 1 Welcome back to KCAL Evening News. We're going to throw it live to Doc in the streets with a bitch update.
What up, Doc? Hey, man.

Speaker 1 Same old, same old dry lands out here just struggling in these streets. Yeah, Steel seeing okay.
So, Doc, so Doc,

Speaker 1 the man

Speaker 1 in

Speaker 1 the second, and I'm not shaming him, right? No, don't. So, what you're telling me now, and in the information that we've gathered since you've been on the podcast, and

Speaker 1 dude, ask them. I always go, Is Doc going to be there? We love him,

Speaker 1 right? Right, right, right, right. We love both of you.
I think you guys create such great chemistry for the show. Hell yeah, all four of us.
I love y'all, man. But look at me right now, dude.

Speaker 1 All right, I'm looking at you. Every time I see you, I feel like throughout my life, you've always had

Speaker 1 a dry spell.

Speaker 1 Oh, right. Right.
So I'm wondering,

Speaker 1 and I believe you.

Speaker 1 I want to tell you. I want to tell you.
I come from a place of belief. Belief and love.
Right, right. So in my mind, right, I'm like, 20,000 bitches.
Yeah. Right.
There was, there's just, I know in my

Speaker 1 ball. I get that's a way.
So I don't want to hurt that so high.

Speaker 1 You think that? That's insane. How about 2,000? Yeah, that's even

Speaker 1 good. Doc, wait, how old are you, Doc, right now?

Speaker 1 Doc, how old are you? 48. 48.

Speaker 1 48.

Speaker 1 Andrew. Wait, hold on.
Would two feel better? Yeah, dude, two bitches? 20,000 bitches

Speaker 1 divided by 48 years? He'd have to fuck 416 girls a year. There's no way.
That's one and a half years. He's never even seen 416 people in his life.

Speaker 1 All right, so, all right.

Speaker 1 Okay, 100.

Speaker 1 So, so when, what years, I just want to ask, because when I write your book, you know what I mean? I want to be accurate. He's writing your book.
How are you going to write my book?

Speaker 1 I'm writing your bio. For what? Your life story.

Speaker 1 I don't know how, but go ahead. What do you mean? I don't know how.
I fucking type it, I go to a publishing place. You don't know shit.
You just know.

Speaker 1 I'm asking you now, fuckface. Okay, okay, all right.
All right, I'm so sorry. No, it's all right.
It's your birthday. I apologize.

Speaker 1 So, what years were the big year? What were the years that we missed out? The pro years.

Speaker 1 You retired now, but when were the year?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. What was the championship run? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Give me the run. The championship run was

Speaker 1 19 years old and ever since Dave. Oh, the 19 to now?

Speaker 1 So when you were

Speaker 1 19, 20, 21, that's when

Speaker 1 that was what your mom was talking about. Yeah.
Yeah. And then

Speaker 1 you got out to L.A.

Speaker 1 And then it just became Sahara Disney. No, no, dude, it was a thunderstorm of pussy

Speaker 1 in L.A.

Speaker 1 when he first got here. I didn't know.
Yeah, raining.

Speaker 1 Tell me about that.

Speaker 1 I need to know more about that. When Doc first moved to LA.
Here we go. Here we go.
When Doc first moved to LA, he had an apartment on

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 That was in Mountain.

Speaker 1 About an airport. Right by the airport.
And I'm not kidding.

Speaker 1 Flight attendants would fucking line up outside his door just to take a turn, and they would fuck Doc and go right back to the airport to catch their flight out. Really? That was a common theme.

Speaker 1 So these kind of conversations were going on probably back then. Big time.
Hey, Sally, where are you going? You just landed. Are you going to go to the hotel? No, I'm going to get a little black dick.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get a little black dick. And that's what she said.
I want to get a little black dick. And they're like, little, get a big one.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
His dick is big. His human is small.

Speaker 1 Oh, my bad.

Speaker 1 Average. Can I get an average? Dude, you're right.

Speaker 1 You're right.

Speaker 1 So the flight attendants land. Yeah.
And they go, where are you headed? Sally. Sally, where are you going? And I go,

Speaker 1 I'm looking for little black man with big dick.

Speaker 1 You mean black magic? Yeah.

Speaker 1 How do you know? I've known black magic Magic since I've been running this LA route for 10 years.

Speaker 1 So you go there too? I go there every day. When time's your appointment? 12.30.
What time are you? 1.30. So I get after.
We're just going to miss each other. I know, but can I ask you this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can you, because sometimes, like, you know. I know what you're going to say.
I know. I know what you're going to say.
Sometimes it's like, it's always aroused. Yep.

Speaker 1 Always aroused 24 seconds because he's a man. He's a man.
Right. But it's like, sometimes it's just the oomph of the burst, right? It's been a little depleted because of people like you.

Speaker 1 Well, I've been pulling it all out of them.

Speaker 1 I go sucking it up. I get early.
I get in there early and I get the big pump. Yeah.
Because by the time you probably get it, like, it's probably like half and half now. Half.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mine's more like almond milk.

Speaker 1 It's runny. It's runny.
It's a bit runny. Yeah.
It doesn't. Fuck.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Fuck this.

Speaker 1 Doc. Yeah.
I'm listening. So, how are the bitches now, though? Hey, man, steal dry lands over here.
Dry lands.

Speaker 1 We need to give them something, man. How do we do this? Ladies, we tried with the dating app.
Can we please have some people submit?

Speaker 1 Fancy. I want to make an email right now today called I Want

Speaker 1 A Little I Want A Little Black Magic at gmail.com. I want a little black magic.
A little black magic at gmail.com. Dude, you should work at an ad agency.

Speaker 1 That's real nice. That's my next move after this.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What did you say? They should be coming in by the droves with that shit you should.
Okay, I want a little blackmagic at gmail.com. It's right there.

Speaker 1 So, ladies, send a photo in and reasons why you think you could handle a little black magic. Right.

Speaker 1 You know what I want to do? Sometimes I think he's autistic.

Speaker 1 He just doesn't stop. I know.
He doesn't stop. Yeah.
I sometimes, I honestly, I sometimes think he has no idea what's going on. None.
Yeah, none.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 and he gets quiet at the weirdest time. He talks when we're all talking.

Speaker 1 I know when I turn to him, he doesn't, he's done. He's done.

Speaker 1 Doc,

Speaker 1 we're going to get you. We're going to get you.

Speaker 1 I know it's uncomfortable talking about sexual things with you. Right.

Speaker 1 It's not wrong. Because

Speaker 1 I am writing the book. So I just need a couple more, some more information of that.
That's okay with you. Yeah, if you want him to write a good book.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What's your power move in bed?

Speaker 1 What's the power move? Okay, well, let's get it. What's the power move, bad? Rudy, cover your ears.
Yeah, cover your ears. Cover your ears.
I know you're 20, but. 20 years old today, by the way.

Speaker 1 We do need to get to that. But tell me your power move.
Tell me your power move.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know where the power move is. I would say.

Speaker 1 All of it's a power move.

Speaker 1 So it's constant power?

Speaker 1 Do you not have levels?

Speaker 1 Are you in fucking high gear the whole time? Yeah. No, not high gear.
I mean, are you talking about just when you're fucking or are you just talking about when you're in?

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what Christian

Speaker 1 is, man. They're just straight to the fucking movie.
I'm not kidding here, buddy. They go straight to the gun.
I'm talking about

Speaker 1 fucking, and then I, man, I don't even know what is your power move? No F-bombing. What's your power move in a relationship? But what is a power move? God damn it.
God damn, dude. Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 It's unbelievable this guy.

Speaker 1 He's been surviving all these years without power moves. I know, it's crazy.
Yeah, they're just all at fucking. I mean, this is basically what you're getting.
Yeah. You're just getting

Speaker 1 just soft. Oh, no.
See, I think he's.

Speaker 1 I think he's a jackhammer. Yeah, so what you're saying is that it's a love of it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And people wake up like, does he do construction next door? And then he's, oh, I see.

Speaker 1 And he's wearing a hard hat. Right, right, right.
Right.

Speaker 1 There's no girl there. No.
There's no girl there, but.

Speaker 1 like in Double Dutch, a girl just has to jump in front of it. Well,

Speaker 1 he just goes

Speaker 1 and a girl just has to wait

Speaker 1 one and a two. No, he's like that guy.
He's like that guy painted in all silver.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And he's got a bucket in front of him. Right, right.
And when white people walk by, he goes,

Speaker 1 scare them because they think that he's a statue. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let me say this. This is ridiculous.
That's him. There's Doc.
There's Doc. There you are, Doc.
By the way, Doc, if this.

Speaker 1 That's you.

Speaker 1 That's you, bro.

Speaker 1 Dude, bro. Honestly, dude, you know what? Let me ask you something.
Wait, his name is Black Magic Silverman. That's Black Magic Silverman, right there.
I always like the Black Magic.

Speaker 1 But it's always...

Speaker 1 Notice, it's always black guys. That do this? That do this.
Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 1 But why?

Speaker 1 Are they the best at freezing? Because

Speaker 1 who's better at popping and locking than black guys?

Speaker 1 But I know, but

Speaker 1 I've seen them freeze for like an hour. Well, yeah, because if, I mean, there's enough cops walking by, they're going to stand still for a long time.

Speaker 1 That's kind of a flash. I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's in Times Square, there's nothing but cops.

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Speaker 1 BetterHelp. Hi, everybody.
Hey, guys. We love BetterHelp.
We use it personally ourselves.

Speaker 1 Is there anything interfering with your happiness, Andrew, or preventing you from achieving your goals? This week it's been Jules, to be honest with you. Exactly, me too.
Every week for me.

Speaker 1 So that's why I need a therapist. I got it through BetterHelp, right? It's there.
You can start communicating in under 48 hours. Yeah.
Right? It's not a crisis line. It's not self-help.

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And I got to tell you, this service is available for clients worldwide.

Speaker 1 We're big proponents of mental health on the show. We both talked about it that we both struggle with it, and we both talk to somebody.
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Betterhelp.com slash bad friends. That's betterhelphalp.

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Babel. Oh my God.
I love learning, Andrew. That's the whole goal in line.

Speaker 1 Si su puede. I love learning a new language.
I'm trying to learn some Italian right now, hopefully.

Speaker 1 And Babel is the way to do it. I've been using Babel because they signed me up.
It's the number one selling language learning app, and the whole process is addictive and fun and fast and easy to do.

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And other language learning apps use AI for the lesson plans.

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That's right. And we love science over here.

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Oh, go ahead, do that.

Speaker 1 No, plus, Babel's speech recognition technology helps you to improve your pronunciation and accent. There are so many ways to learn with Babel.

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When you go to babble.com/slash bad friends, that's babble.com slash bad friends for up to 65% off your subscription.

Speaker 1 Babel, language for life.

Speaker 1 That's really funny, Andrew. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
That's really funny. You know what? You are a Silverman.
You really are Black Magic Silverman. Yeah, you are.

Speaker 1 In fact, in fact, in fact, Bob, I think the next episode we do, he's got to come in Silverface.

Speaker 1 Full body. A full body.
Full body with the outfit. Silverman, you're Silverman.
Next time I want you in Silverman, please. Also, is there a class he can take?

Speaker 1 Look that up, PDP. If If there's a Silverman class or Silver Street Performer class, I'm not coming in here.
We're going to pay for it. We're going to pay for it.
We're going to pay for classes.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 We take care of you. Do we not take care of you?

Speaker 1 Look at it. I don't even know what that means at this point.

Speaker 1 All right, we're going to Google how to get you a class on how to be a Silverman because I really do. I love it.
How much money do you think you can make? As a Silverman? We'll be the Goldman.

Speaker 1 Can we be a Goldman? Well, we are the Goldman. For sure in this situation.

Speaker 1 I got one.

Speaker 1 No, not in him? We're treading on odd water right now.

Speaker 1 Very odd. All we want you to do is make good money.
I bet you on the streets, Mr. Silverman over here could make a couple hundred a day.
What was the movie with Will Smith, right? He was a golfer.

Speaker 1 Was it a golf movie? Handbagger Vance.

Speaker 1 Was he a magical black person in it? He was magical black, right, Fancy? Right. Yep.
Why don't we remake it, but it's a mini golf course. Oh, my God.
A mini golf course.

Speaker 1 A butt hot. A puck pot.
Right?

Speaker 1 We make it part two, right? Yeah. He's the mini one.
The legend of handbagger van. He had the smaller version.
He did the smaller version. The legend of handbagger van.

Speaker 1 Imagine all the movies we can remake, right?

Speaker 1 With him in it. Somebody please take this poster and make Doc in the middle, make Rudy on the right, and

Speaker 1 make Bobby or me on the fucking cut back, David. Or we do a Green Mile.
You know the Green Mile? Oh, Michael Clark Duncan. Right? But it's for juveniles.

Speaker 1 It's a juvie. Right? So they're smaller.
And they're like, he's huge.

Speaker 1 Look, that's me. I'm the guard.
And that's Doc. And he's huge.

Speaker 1 So that's going to be you. What's your

Speaker 1 magical black guy? Magical black guy. I love magical black guy.
Well, let's do more black magic movies. What's another black movie? Yeah, what's another black magic movie where the man is magical?

Speaker 1 There's got to be something with Samuel Jackson. There's no doubt he's been a magical black guy.

Speaker 1 He's got to have been. I don't think so.
Fancy? I don't think Samuel Ella Jackson has ever been a magical black guy.

Speaker 1 No. Does Morpheus count as a magical black guy?

Speaker 1 No. he's not.
No, he's not a magical guy because in that world, they all can do it. Yeah, but he's

Speaker 1 different. He's special.
Yeah, he's special. He's fucking good.
Morgan Freeman has been God. Oh, he was God.
Morgan Freeman was God. Yeah, yeah.
So you're going to be... What was the movie called?

Speaker 1 It was called Bruce Almighty. Bruce Almighty.
Bruce Almighty. Right.
He can't be God, dude. We can't let him be God.
He can't be God. What can he be? He can be like.
He can be the god of like insects.

Speaker 1 Oh, let me let me ask you this. That's an interesting idea, right?

Speaker 1 Can I get it? Come on, God doesn't do what I'm saying. I can't wait for fans to Photoshop your head.
If we're all dead, right? If everything dies, like our dogs, no, cats, animals, everything, right?

Speaker 1 Do they have a place to go? Are they going to the same place we are, heaven? All dogs go to heaven? You never seen that movie? All right.

Speaker 1 So, what I'm saying is there's insects then as well, then, or no? Of course. Right.
Of course. So maybe you're not God, but you run for God and you run the insect department.
Right. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 What do you say to the crickets that come in? Yeah. What do you say? Here I am.
I'm a cricket. I just died.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm a cricket. And I got run over by a lawnmower.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you say to me? I say to you, man, welcome. And we love you a lot.
And

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're saying.

Speaker 1 I don't know what they're like, but if you fucking, you don't even talk English, right? What?

Speaker 1 Of course I speak English. I fucking died.
Man, it's Nathan. Nathan, I died in Southern California.

Speaker 1 I live in Al Hamburg. Nathan the cricket?

Speaker 1 He's got 40,000 fucking followers on Instagram. Dude, I'm huge on the gram.

Speaker 1 How do you not fucking know who I am?

Speaker 1 Hey, man, I'm sorry. Yeah.
So are you a fucking God, or what's going on? No, God's over there, the taller black guy. Oh, I'll go to him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to him.

Speaker 1 This guy's just, I'm just a notary or some shit like that.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine if you get to heaven and God is like, I have a job for you, and you're like, oh, my God. He's like, you're cleaning up.
You're the maintenance boy of heaven. Here's a mop.

Speaker 1 You have to clean heaven. That's because you just got in, but you weren't good enough to like actually kick it in heaven.

Speaker 1 Like you were kind of bad, but kind of good. And like, you you got to do janitorial shit in heaven.
Because who's cleaning up? Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Now we have to get to what's in heaven. What is in heaven? Right.
Clouds. Yeah, but well, I think clouds are just accoutrement.
I don't think there's eating. You don't think you get to eat?

Speaker 1 That's like one of my favorite fucking things. I know, but you're not hungry.
No, you're not hungry, but you can't, but you get to eat. Yeah, there's a buffet, but you know, who goes there?

Speaker 1 I'm hungry. What if I eat it? That's fine.
That's fine. What if I want a tray for something? So what you're saying is that there's a toilet.

Speaker 1 I mean, if there's no toilet, I'm just saying to clean heaven. You've got to clean up.

Speaker 1 How is it so white if no one's cleaning it up? That's a good point. Stuff's going to get dirty.
Stuff's going to get dirty. It's going to be a bit of a dirty, my friend.

Speaker 1 So I just feel like there's a job for you up there. A job.
Well, they're going to give them something. They're going to just go sit on that cloud for eternity.
Yeah, you got to do something up there.

Speaker 1 What would you want to do in heaven?

Speaker 1 What would you want to do in heaven? Maybe play soccer a little bit. Maybe

Speaker 1 soccer? No, that's what I want to play.

Speaker 1 Oh, you think when you get up there, you get all the powers that you never had?

Speaker 1 Doc wakes up and he thinks he's full size up there.

Speaker 1 Oh, right. And he's like, what if I could dunk?

Speaker 1 That's funny. And then he sees everyone else is still bigger than him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what I want to do. I want to dunk.
Don't you think he would go to a section at heaven?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what section? They're like, you over there. And like

Speaker 1 Brad Williams.

Speaker 1 Brad Williams.

Speaker 1 Excuse me. Brad Williams.

Speaker 1 Doc, you're going to be in regular heaven just like all of us. Yeah, you're good.
Okay. I feel it.
I feel it. My little black wing.
My little black magic man, you will be.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm going to shift a little focus. Real fast.
Real fast. Rudy Jules.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday. Pull the mic near your face and happy birthday.
Thank you, Tito, Andrew. I'm so happy that you are one year older.
I can't believe we started this show when you were 18. That's insane.

Speaker 1 That's insane to me. We watched her change two years.
Have you grown as a person on the show?

Speaker 2 Maybe. I think I'm more confident.

Speaker 1 I do agree with that. What else do you think you gained from doing the show?

Speaker 2 I can scream more at the towabi.

Speaker 1 That's true. You get away with a little bit more for sure.
Very good. What else?

Speaker 2 I can scream a little bit more at you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's also true.
You know what? The way you talk to him is different. I like that.
Yeah. Because you used to be so scared of him.
So scared. Yeah.
Yell at me right now.

Speaker 1 Do it.

Speaker 1 Do it.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah. That's it?

Speaker 1 Give it to me. Fuck you.
Oh, come on. No more.

Speaker 1 No more? No more. Say something to me.
Oh, no. Well, that's easier.

Speaker 1 Let me move over.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Tito, Bobby.

Speaker 1 I love you.

Speaker 1 I love you.

Speaker 1 I love you.

Speaker 1 Oh, see.

Speaker 1 Hey, but she betrayed you last night.

Speaker 1 Wait, what happened?

Speaker 1 Last night, she cheated on both of you. Wait, what what did you do what do you mean she did you know that

Speaker 1 what the fuck do you know what she did last night what did you do last night she cheated on us what does that even mean i don't understand what you're saying she did jeremyl watkins podcast oh

Speaker 2 what uh i went to scissor bros but not only me andres went too

Speaker 1 what the

Speaker 1 you went to scissor bros fancy i was just making sure rudy was in jumping ship dude spanish people are weasels. Weasels.
He was on the show, and here he is. I was making sure Rudy was okay.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're a liar. He's a liar.
Was he on camera? Rudy won't lie. Was he on camera? And he was on the mic.

Speaker 1 You piece of fucking shit. That shit is so

Speaker 1 fucking gross to me. That's disgusting.

Speaker 1 When a producer tries to fucking chisel his way into fucking screen time, it makes me sick to my fucking stomach. You know what? He's leaving the camera in the edit.

Speaker 1 He's going to leave it on him this whole time that we've been saying this. Have you noticed, though, if you see it, because I've been watching, he gives himself so much

Speaker 1 screen time. Yeah, it'll just be him going like this.
Right. And did you see him in fucking Mexico? Oh, bro.
Oh, you would think that fucking, like, you know, Brad Pitt was there. Yeah.
He was.

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody. Hey, everybody.
I know. Hey, who wants to take a picture? He would ask.
Yeah, yeah. Who wants to take pictures? He would ask.
Formal line. Formal line.
Form a line. Formal line.

Speaker 1 Someone bring me margarita. Mira, mira, mira, mira, mira.
And then George was like,

Speaker 1 well, you know what? This is a good clue.

Speaker 1 George would say stuff like,

Speaker 1 I just let him have it. Yeah.
Like, he's kind of like, broke it. You know what I mean? Like, let it go.
He knows who won. Correct.
Right?

Speaker 1 Ah, it's fine. He's not fine.
You could see his face. You could tell George's face.
It's killing him. He's so bothered by it.
It's killing him. Hey, Andreas.
Eras, mi compa. Mi compadre.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 You know what he said?

Speaker 1 What did he say? You are my friend, my colleague, my brother-in-arms. Jose.

Speaker 1 You didn't know I speak a little bit of Espanol. Do you think this little one right here, this guy right here, we can do an offshoot podcast?

Speaker 1 Of him and who? Somebody else. Maybe these two or somebody, you know, maybe we can offshoot.
I'm more annoyed that we got stepped on by you guys went to Scissor Bros. Were you there the whole episode?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow. How'd it go?

Speaker 2 It was fun.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Not fun like this.

Speaker 1 She doesn't have fun here.

Speaker 1 So by her saying, I had fun there. Because she doesn't have fun here.
Right. Right?

Speaker 1 Basically saying, I prefer that. No.
Okay.

Speaker 1 What did she say? Well, then

Speaker 1 let's call a spade a spade. Sorry.
What does that mean? Sorry, Don. Sorry, Doc.

Speaker 1 Nothing's taken up.

Speaker 1 Let's call a spade a spade. Keep that in.

Speaker 1 You can go to Scissor Bros if you want to be released.

Speaker 1 Do you want to be released?

Speaker 2 Maybe. They're more sweet.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
What's true? Fuck. You can be aggressive.
That's insane. You can be aggressive.
You can be aggressive. And I'm going to admit that.
I'm going to admit it as well. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But I got to call these scumbags right now. All right.

Speaker 1 This pissed me right off, bud. Pissed me right off.
This scumbag. Stealing you guys.
And fancy. I said some nice shit to you this weekend.
You're on my fucking. How do you say poop in Spanish? Caca?

Speaker 1 Caca. You're on my caca list.

Speaker 1 He's probably taking care of his baby. Merda.
Merda. Merda's shit.

Speaker 1 Merda.

Speaker 1 That's what they say.

Speaker 1 Hey, man, it's Santino.

Speaker 1 I saw what you did. I saw what you did stealing Rudy and Fancy B.

Speaker 1 And I gotta tell you something, bud.

Speaker 1 If you care about your family,

Speaker 1 you better watch your fucking back, buddy. You better watch your skinny little fucking white piece of shit back, my friend, because what you did was fucking war.
War.

Speaker 1 And you want to fuck with the fucking Armada, bro? You want to fuck with the Armada, bitch? You don't have enough weapons in your arsenal.

Speaker 1 It's fucking over, bud. It's over.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's see how that proceeds.

Speaker 1 Show Bobby the picture that you just sent me. What is it? Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. Zoom in.

Speaker 1 Zoom into that. What the fuck is that?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That's my brother.

Speaker 1 That's my brother. And that's you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's pretty close. It's pretty close.
It's pretty close. Yeah, it's pretty close.

Speaker 1 You actually look like a hot Korean girl.

Speaker 1 Like those tits, he's got nice tits on.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait. Does he have a fat suit on? I think it just looks like tits.
He's like holding up his tits. Right? Am I wrong?

Speaker 1 He made a fat suit, yep. That's not a fat suit.
That's tits.

Speaker 1 And his hair is beautiful.

Speaker 1 That's that's like someone's extensions that he knows. You know, it's funny how they just steal, steal, they just

Speaker 1 thieves. Look up, can you send them an article about plagiarism?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the definition may be, yeah, it's illegal. It's illegal.
It's illegal. This is nothing.
It's crazy. They stole our fonts.
Remember, they stole

Speaker 1 it, dude. They stole everything.

Speaker 1 Is this morphology? He's my brother, and so I'm just letting it go.

Speaker 1 So he looks like Tino, and then he looks like you. That's what's going on here? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck! Did you see that, Jules? I know. Fucking fucking

Speaker 1 crazy. I'm just so behind the ape.

Speaker 1 And look at that. You know who that is?

Speaker 1 Do you know who that is? That's Doc.

Speaker 1 That's supposed to be Doc. That's supposed to be Doc.

Speaker 1 The brown cloak. The brown cloak, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What's going on there, Julie?

Speaker 1 Are you cold? Are you a Mayan? What the fuck is going on here? Oh, there's a clip. Oh, start the clip over.
Hold on. Start over, please.
Let's hear. Here we go.
Oh, they've been holding you captive?

Speaker 1 Go ahead. Yeah.
on my birthday and and uh

Speaker 1 and they won't let me go and until everybody from bad friends subscribes

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 my steve's into it

Speaker 1 whenever you're ready look right into that camera over there god this piece of shit

Speaker 2 the scissor scissor bros have captured me

Speaker 2 and they won't let me go unless everyone from bad friends bad friends fans will subscribe to their show show, but they seem sweet, unlike Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew.

Speaker 1 So maybe you should do it. Give me back the fucking Barbie.

Speaker 1 Give me back the fucking Ocean Barbie.

Speaker 1 You can get the buy those lines. And you know what? And I want the fucking waffle maker back now.
No, no,

Speaker 1 keep the waffle maker. Oh, you can keep it.
I want to eat it. Yeah, you can have it.
Yeah, yeah. I'll take the waffle maker, but it's yours.
Happy birthday. So that's my present to you.

Speaker 1 That worked very well.

Speaker 1 Give him the Barbie. Give him the Barbie.
But it's my gift.

Speaker 1 Oh, but What was that? What was that? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You kowtowed to the fucking arch nemesis of the enemies. And she improvised most of the lines.
Like, she was coach a little bit, but she added scenes about you guys. She improvises too there? Yep.

Speaker 1 Right. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm actually livid right now. I know you are.
I'm down to breathe. Yeah, I know.
I know, dude. Papa gets upset.
I know, but buddy, buddy. Huh? Look at me right now, dude.

Speaker 1 Right? Not everyone is a good person like you. That's right.
And

Speaker 1 a lot of young people from a different country. Yep.
Right. They have a different ethics and a different code of doing things.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, back in some countries, you know, if an old lady's crossing the street, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And she's struggling to get there, in some countries, they just push them on the middle of the road. Yeah, yeah.
You know, whereas you, you help them. I help them.
Yeah. I help them up.

Speaker 1 And then you go, you want to see my baseball game? You know how white people loved it. Yeah.
I said, you want to go to the park? Yeah, at the park. I have a tune of sandwich.

Speaker 1 You want to go to the park. Right, right, right.
But you,

Speaker 1 you push them down. You push them down.
Side note: this is not, I'm not making fun of this. What? A man on set today fell down a bunch of stairs.
Yeah. And I first was extremely worried.

Speaker 1 I go, oh, my God. Yeah.
But I saw he was fine.

Speaker 1 I laughed.

Speaker 1 You laughed hard. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 was he laughing? No. Yeah.
But we were. I know.
Because he was okay. Yeah.
It's not funny if someone gets hurt. Yeah.
But as soon as someone's okay, you're like, it's okay. I laughed at somebody hurt.

Speaker 1 You fucked.

Speaker 1 What? Me and Kalila did. What? I laughed more, though.
When we were first shopping around for houses, there was a man, older man.

Speaker 1 How old are we talking? Well, you know, 70. You don't know with them.
70. It's 106, maybe? Or 12.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he was like, yeah, so, you know, this is where you, you know, whining, dying people. And he was going back, like, walking backwards.
Right. And we're like, thank you.

Speaker 1 And all of a sudden, you know, let's see, our eyes

Speaker 1 is a screen. Like a frame.
Like a frame, right? Yeah. He fell out of frame.
Oh, right. Shit.
And he's on now concrete. Oh, fuck.
Yeah. On his back, right?

Speaker 1 Like this, right?

Speaker 1 At first, he starts shaking a little bit. We thought, oh my goodness, he's having fucking.
What's so funny? I'm just trying to. But we didn't help him up because we just couldn't stop laughing.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 we were like, what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he laugh?

Speaker 1 Well, when he gained like some sort of consciousness,

Speaker 1 he was like, oh, the silly me, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I've been touring around this house for a couple years, and you know, because it's been available for a couple years, right? Right.

Speaker 1 I should know all these little nicks and cravis and cravises, whatever.

Speaker 1 Is he ever concussion? You think he died? Oh,

Speaker 1 shit.

Speaker 1 I love falling, though. Well, Rudy, I'm sorry that you've decided that scissor bros is more important than bad friends, but

Speaker 1 whatever, man.

Speaker 1 You have anything to say for yourself at all?

Speaker 2 I'm not sorry.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 2 it was fun yeah yeah

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 I liked it

Speaker 1 good

Speaker 1 is there anything that you could recommend us to watch

Speaker 1 a movie

Speaker 1 got a real got a real star studded event in this room tonight

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Got a bunch of real fucking A-plus.

Speaker 1 We brought up some really good shit this episode. And we're just letting her drive the train right off the fucking scrap.

Speaker 1 Like in back to the future when that train is going to go back in time. She's never broke the mileage

Speaker 1 right off the edge of the fucking bridge. Yeah, I've never seen like.
That's what she does. Pull up a video of a train crashing off a bridge.

Speaker 1 If that was a scene in a movie, like she just went off hint, right? Yeah. The director wouldn't even say cut.
He would just like, they would just reset. Yeah, they just go, reset, reset, reset, reset.

Speaker 1 Stop, stop, stop, reset. Yeah.
Right. You don't even get an official cut.
You just get reset. That's insane.
This is chaos. Like just a solid reset.

Speaker 1 Dude, a guy took a shirt off on the fucking set today. This guy.
You want to talk more about the TV show that you're on? No, no. I feel like you want to, so it's like you grounded out twice.

Speaker 1 You're on TV show FX with that guy. It's not that show.
I just did a one-off episode. Oh, that's right.
You did. Can I mention what you did? Sure, it's fine.
Right. He did This Is Us.

Speaker 1 This is Us on NBC. And this is a, you know what that show is? Okay, big show.
Big show. Big show.

Speaker 1 But the guy that took off his shirt was so fucking hot. Yeah.
It was like, it really bummed me out. Dude.
Because I'm getting older and fatter, and I go to the gym, but it's not the same.

Speaker 1 And this guy, his skin was so smooth and he turned, he had a really nice smile. And I was like, fuck you, man.
Yeah. Fuck you, you fucking hot guy.

Speaker 1 And then he put his shirt back on and you could still, you know, you're a hot guy when you can still see how nice your body is with the shirt on. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at us. Bro.
Look at that fucking anime.

Speaker 1 Whenever I'm on six in the city, right? Yeah. I'm on it with somebody's love interest, which is guy.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah. And he is perfection.
Just stunning. From top to bottom.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like, if you look at his nails. Oh.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? No, he's got manicured nails, doesn't he? That really turns you on, huh? Yeah. I can tell.
It's hot. That really affected you.
It is hot.

Speaker 1 You look at his nails, they look like a plastic hand.

Speaker 1 Not a, not, there's no, what do you get? That little sucker that comes out, a little stick. A little hangnail? Hangnail.
I get those all the time. Those are the fucking words.
Look at my shit hands.

Speaker 1 They're cracked. They're bloody.

Speaker 1 This nail right here has nine colors going on. Yeah, yeah.
That's a rainbow nail. That's a rainbow nail.
That's a rainbow nail. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And sometimes, because we're at a desk, he'll put his hand next to my rainbow finger.

Speaker 1 I'm pulling him out.

Speaker 1 If he puts his hot hand down, I'm like, oh, fuck that. I'm not on camera.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want him to see. See, yeah, we don't compare, yeah.
What is this?

Speaker 1 A picture of us in Hawaii in love? I mean, in a game. Why would you fucking put that on there? Because I'm fat?

Speaker 1 That's the fattest fucking photo of the game. Time out.
Timeout. Yeah, yeah.
Pete.

Speaker 1 Pete. Pete.
Yes. Is this you taking a shot at Bobby?

Speaker 1 I thought it was relevant. Oh, boy.
I thought it was relevant, Bob.

Speaker 1 So look at me. Our fucking...

Speaker 1 I just said.

Speaker 1 Let me just... Go ahead.
Okay. Fire away.

Speaker 1 This dude

Speaker 1 was at my house earlier. PDPD? Yeah.
And he sweated

Speaker 1 only

Speaker 1 from his titties.

Speaker 1 Are you on camera right now, Pete?

Speaker 1 Okay, so. Show your tits wet.
I want to. No, no, it's gone now.
No, it's not here now. Yeah, yeah.
But before he was in my garage, right? Yeah. And he had

Speaker 1 cone tits, and on the top, it was wet, but not just like wet, you could tell it was growing like a wet t-shirt contact. Yeah, but it was like there was some sort of like mechanism

Speaker 1 that was making the wet spot grow. Oh, and I go, you fat, fuck, disgusting piece of shit.
Something like that, right? Good morning to you. Yeah.
It was in the morning.

Speaker 1 I was like, good morning to you, fat, fucking, sweating piece of shit. What did he say? What did he say? He just giggles like a fucking coward.
But

Speaker 1 is this the attack on me from today? I feel like that's what this is. Yeah, yeah, this is a retired one.
I apologize then.

Speaker 1 Can you take that off?

Speaker 1 Okay. Can you do something real fast, B? Can you zoom in on my left calf there?

Speaker 1 Let's just daddy. Daddy.

Speaker 1 You have girl legs, Sitanjo. Wow.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 That's the most honest legs. No.
That's the most honest

Speaker 1 you've ever said, and I'm proud of you. I have nice legs.
He's got girl legs. These are nice legs.

Speaker 1 I got nice, thicky daddy legs. And my cat.
In fact, if you were an Avenger,

Speaker 1 you would get another actor to do the

Speaker 1 toothpick.

Speaker 1 They would get a body double for your legs. Well, I'd never be Avenger.
You know why?

Speaker 1 Because you're red-headed? Because I'm red-headed. No, but you could be one that's on farm.
What's her name was Red-Headed? Stuart. Who? Stuart.
Yeah, Hot Girl. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 You're not getting in the fucking Avengers either, pal.

Speaker 1 Is Black Panther? Is Black Panther? Black Lightning? Is Black Panther available? Black Panther.

Speaker 1 You mean Black Alley Cat? This guy can fucking have a nice. Black Panther.
There we go, dude.

Speaker 1 Black alley cat. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you think, dude? I think that's ain't named. It doesn't have an by the way.
And his claws are like, you know,

Speaker 1 what would his claws be?

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, what? Black alley cat. And the tag of the movie is: don't stray too far from home.
Oh,

Speaker 1 that's your death shit. There it is, right there.
There you are, dude. There you are, dude.
There you are, dude. Oh, that sucks.
That is just black panther. Could you imagine?

Speaker 1 Imagine a rulePaul of X-Men right there. That ain't even fucking.

Speaker 1 Imagine.

Speaker 1 Honestly,

Speaker 1 literally, honestly, think.

Speaker 1 If you buy a ticket, what are they? $18 now? It's like $25. $25.

Speaker 1 So you wait in line, right?

Speaker 1 What if it's a surprise? They don't even tell you. You think it's...
Is it Idris Alba? Who knows? Who knows? We're not going to announce. Right.

Speaker 1 Movie comes on, right? And you and I are sitting, we have our popcorn, right? We're doing a Wakanda. Right, Wakanda, right?

Speaker 1 And he comes out, right? This little ball of a thing. thing, right?

Speaker 1 He's like that hedgehog. Sonic.
Yeah, yeah. He just starts rolling

Speaker 1 right into the thing, right? As soon as he pops and we see a full body of

Speaker 1 people would die in the audience. They would laugh so hard.

Speaker 1 People would literally. No, honestly, it would be, you would need medical people there.

Speaker 1 I would be like,

Speaker 1 I would laugh so fucking hard. It would be the best movie ever made.
Well, what would be my superpower?

Speaker 1 You never saw Black Panther?

Speaker 1 You didn't see Black Panther? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, no, you didn't.

Speaker 1 No, you didn't.

Speaker 1 Bobby, no, no, Bobby.

Speaker 1 Bobby. Who didn't? Bobby?

Speaker 1 No, you didn't. I felt that the moment is so.
Dude,

Speaker 1 how did you not see fucking Black Panther? I saw it. I just.
Okay, what's the plot of the movie? Yeah, what's the plot? What's the plot of the film? Where does he live?

Speaker 1 Like, what's the land that, you know, you know, I saw the movie once. I know it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 What is it? What is it? Well, wait, uh, Wakanda, Jules.

Speaker 1 You already fucking abandoned me. I just saw you fucking sick, you bitch.
I did say that. Don't ever say that again.

Speaker 1 We're taking away that happy birthday. I'll give you another part of the movie.
Okay, give it to us. Give me another part of the movie.
When they were fighting,

Speaker 1 when they was fucking fighting, that was nice. When the cars and shit,

Speaker 1 you never saw it. I can't believe you never saw it.
You don't know. Do you know what's a pant?

Speaker 1 What's a move that he does? Yep.

Speaker 1 He kicks. Okay, that's enough.
Holy fuck.

Speaker 1 It's such a sad thing. How about this?

Speaker 1 Name one more person in the movie.

Speaker 1 How about name anybody in the movie? What am I saying? Who is Black Panther?

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 Where is he?

Speaker 1 Why are they doing? Why are they using a different actor?

Speaker 1 He died.

Speaker 1 Rudy? He passed away.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just heard you say he died. We have the audio on the mic.
I have the ears, bitch. Oh, I know Chad.

Speaker 1 That I do know.

Speaker 1 Did you not know he was Black Panther? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I just think you're not. Who else is in the movie? There was a lot of people in the movie.
Name one other actor then.

Speaker 1 And then we'll stop asking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Don Cheeto, yeah.

Speaker 1 Was Don Cheeto in it? No. Don Cheeto.

Speaker 1 No, Don Cheeto. He was an Avenger.
Yeah, yeah, he was an Avenger. He was an Avenger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But remember when they came back.

Speaker 1 There was no scene with Don Cheeto and Black Panther, yeah, yeah. But you did make me think about it for a second.
I did think I was like, fuck,

Speaker 1 wait, wait, wait, wait, yeah, yeah, no, he didn't, fancy, fancy, he's not in, right? Anyway, Doc, no, he's not, no, Doc,

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're trying to do right now.

Speaker 1 I really don't know what you're fucking trying to do. You never fucking saw the fucking movie, right? I have an idea.
What you know how they do Mystery Science Theater where they watch movies?

Speaker 1 Wait a minute, they had crack selling in Black Panther?

Speaker 1 Remember when

Speaker 1 he lived in apartment buildings?

Speaker 1 Okay, fuck it. I guess maybe, maybe I need to watch it.
You think they threw a crack-selling scene in Black Panther?

Speaker 1 Yeah, remember they weren't fucking.

Speaker 1 Do you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a part where.
Oh, yeah, when they were in the crack house and they were smoking. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.
Wait, Captain America. Yes.
Right? Yes.

Speaker 1 Because they were fighting. They were tired.

Speaker 1 They were walking by and like,

Speaker 1 in what conditions they have crack houses?

Speaker 1 And Black Panther was like, nah, right? Check it out. And then they, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. You know what? Can you just Google? Can you Google Black Panther crack smoking scene?

Speaker 1 Because that should come right up.

Speaker 1 That should come right up when they smoke rock in Black Panther. Remember when it was in the hood in the apartment building? Oh.

Speaker 1 You know what, Andrew? I remember the scene now. Is that real? There it is, right there, the third slide in.
That was Black Panther.

Speaker 1 I remember that. I remember that.
I do remember that scene. That was a 45-minute scene.
It was so long. Of her smoking.
Fucking Black Panther.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no shit about it.

Speaker 1 There's another scene.

Speaker 1 There's Black Panther smoking crack out of a a fucking

Speaker 1 cocaine. Cocan.

Speaker 1 That's why in Wakanda you see all those cocaine littered across the ground. They were all cracking.

Speaker 1 Doc, no. No.
There's no crack scenes in fucking scenes. But not a crack scene, but there's like a fuck, like when they're in the hood.
Fancy, is any of this real? When does father get killed?

Speaker 1 The very beginning opens in the Bronx. No one's smoking crack.
But no one's smoking. But I never said they were smoking crack.
Not even cigarettes. You didn't say crack at all during this?

Speaker 1 Maybe I did, but I'm definitely.

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck. I I just don't remember the movie.
Yeah, well, then don't shut the fuck up then, man.

Speaker 1 This is what we're gonna do. Like, Mystery Science Theater does, they watch movies.
We, as a family, are gonna watch Black Panther

Speaker 1 together. Together.
Yes,

Speaker 1 because you need to fucking get a chunk of that for your own lifestyle. This is all the goddamn thing.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I feel like if we watch the movie with him, that we're gonna end up explaining scenes to him. Oh, yeah.
And I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1 That's a fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? I just explained to y'all the goddamn fight scene with the cars.

Speaker 1 Remember? Yeah. Wait a minute.
And it was under the bridge. So, have you been playing that you don't know what's going on? Are you doing a good job of playing? What?

Speaker 1 No, no, I think I'm not.

Speaker 1 I'm a very confused boy right now.

Speaker 1 You don't say anything. You don't say anything right now.
Are you pulling some fucking black magic on me right now? He's doing what his black magic is.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up for a second. And thank you for being here.

Speaker 1 Let me talk to Andrew for a second, okay?

Speaker 1 Can we have a moment? Okay.

Speaker 1 I think we're dealing with somebody that has

Speaker 1 a mental thing that we're not privy to. Oh.
Right. Either it's a condition that we're not privy to because we don't have his medical records.
I don't know. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 There have been signs when I've hung up with him where I went, that's weird. That's very weird.
Yeah, why would he do that?

Speaker 1 Even from being here, right? Like the bitches thing.

Speaker 1 It's crazy. And a lot of crack stuff.
A lot of crack stuff. So the bitches, the crack.
Yeah. He seems to be a guy that's never seen anything.
What is it? like anything

Speaker 1 unless maybe he's seen it. He doesn't understand it.
He doesn't understand it.

Speaker 1 Is this a documentary? Right? And it's like Black Panther.

Speaker 1 And people around him are like,

Speaker 1 what?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? But so

Speaker 1 we have to be a little bit nicer then to him because I don't think so. No? No.
Okay.

Speaker 1 What I want to do is I want to be so mean

Speaker 1 that he has to find a professional to give him some sort of medication.

Speaker 1 Okay. But let's address it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 there's nothing wrong with us man okay we're concerned friends we're just concerned and we love you hey man i just forgot how the movie go

Speaker 1 that's true that's true

Speaker 1 that's true you know what yeah i take it back i take it back you see black pantheon

Speaker 1 for sure yeah i just told you about the goddamn fight scene

Speaker 1 what's been going on doc what's been going on in your life though that share because i do want to know what's up in your life okay this is this is the game right so this is how your boy doc is.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I work in the morning. Where at?

Speaker 1 At Amazon. Okay.
Oh, can we say that? At the Whole Foods. I don't know, whatever.
Wait, can we say? Yeah, you can. Yeah, yeah, wait.
You work at the Whole Foods for Amazon. They own them.

Speaker 1 No, I work for Amazon, but he owns Whole Foods. He owns Whole Foods.
He bought them last year or two years ago. Bezos did.
Yeah. 2017.
Damn.

Speaker 1 So I split up my shifts. So that I can audition, hopefully if I get an audition in the afternoon.
So I work from six. I either work from five, six, or four in the morning to eight, nine, or ten.

Speaker 1 Then I wait around to see if I got an audition or if I got one

Speaker 1 in advance. Then I work on it.
Then I go back to work at four, right? Damn, gotcha. And I get off at eight.
So now, after eight,

Speaker 1 I have like a 99-year-old aunt, right?

Speaker 1 So after that, this is the real shit. There's a real shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So she has dementia, and she's like, hey, can you call me every day? So every day I get off work, I try to call her after work. So I'm off here.
Is this your mom's sister?

Speaker 1 No, it's my mom's mother's sister. It's my great-aunt.
Great-auntie.

Speaker 1 That's Auntie at that point. That's Auntie.
Yeah, I call her Auntie. Yeah.
Yeah, I've been talking to her a long time. That's what I do.
99? Yeah, so that's my daughter.

Speaker 1 When she answers the phone, does she know who you are right away or no? Yeah. Yeah.
She's not bad. Her dementia ain't bad to where she's not.
Wait a minute. 99 years old.

Speaker 1 About to be 100, January 12th. Oh, Auntie, you're doing it.
She's not watching. Bring you a little drink and we're going to do it.
She's not watching the show. Okay, my bad.

Speaker 1 But just in case, you know, the chance of Auntie watching this show. Yeah.
By the way, if Auntie is watching the show, that's him.

Speaker 1 Join us because we're kicking out this brown one. We need a new brown.
Yeah, yeah. We need a new brown.
But y'all felt it, though, right?

Speaker 1 Bro, you call her every day she has dementia, and then do you have to like re-explain it? Because I have to, like, well, it's the same stories over and over.

Speaker 1 But what I do is I just let her talk for two, three hours. You're a good guy.
Then I go to sleep, and then I do the same thing every day. So you give us all too much time.

Speaker 1 And you give us some of the stories. That's exactly what Don schedule.
Let's talk about his

Speaker 1 life.

Speaker 1 I can see your face. There's concern.
I am concerned. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. No, be honest.

Speaker 1 Because I love Don. I love the guy.
I love this guy. I just feel like the amount of talent that you have

Speaker 1 and likability that we can maybe trim some of this work down

Speaker 1 and try to figure out what are you doing. I'm about to show you something.

Speaker 1 Because if it's a fucking dick pic, dude, I think that he did that last weekend. I know.
He just showed it it to us

Speaker 1 to slap you. You can't just bring up Black Magic on the show.

Speaker 1 What is it? Okay, now, here we go. Y'all ready? Yeah.
Yeah, man. Okay.
So see these little, that's my alarm app. So I watch her to see what's going on.
So I keep changing. What is she up to?

Speaker 1 Can I see? She's on. Is it live now? Oh, it's live? Yeah, it's live.
Yeah, yeah. So what if she's changing and stuff? That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 That's what I want to show you.

Speaker 1 I'll show you that with her to do it. What if she's doing something like? So see how she's walking right there with her little walker right right there? That's fine, bro.
I love it. God bless Auntie.

Speaker 1 God bless her. I love her.
So, wait, Doc, that's so sweet. You watch her through the camera to make sure she's okay.
To make sure she's okay. What is she?

Speaker 1 If she falls here or something, I need to see. How far are you from her? What can you do? If she falls, what can you do? Nothing, but I can call.
You can call 911. I could call her.

Speaker 1 Or you can call 911. Or I could call her.

Speaker 1 If she fell over, would you laugh a little? Or no? No. All the way back.

Speaker 1 Well, Bobby's, boy, you're going to hell. That bet right there.

Speaker 1 Holy fuck.

Speaker 1 Don't worry. She's a little.
Why do you think I hit the cross when she's in the middle of the house? All right, hey, Doc,

Speaker 1 she has a walker, Doc. Yeah.
Do you cut the tennis balls for her? Do I what? Did you cut the tennis balls for her? She don't have tennis balls on her. She doesn't have the tennis ball.

Speaker 1 Everyone has the tennis balls on those fronts. I love the tennis balls.
Not her. Does she have wheels on the front instead? Yeah, wheels.
See, that's wheels are wheels ares are a little dangerous.

Speaker 1 Where does she live? LA? Detroit. Oh, that's why I'm not sure.
So there's nothing you could do physically. Look who's fucking calling.
So I just try to like.

Speaker 1 Okay, go answer it. Sorry.
I know you're Nana. Sorry.

Speaker 1 Bobby, you talk. Ready?

Speaker 1 Hello?

Speaker 1 hello

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 hey what's up

Speaker 1 what's up TV

Speaker 1 what's up thiev

Speaker 1 what's up thievie

Speaker 1 what's up thievie

Speaker 1 huh you thief you're a thief

Speaker 1 yeah you're a thievie

Speaker 1 is this Bob or Santino it's Bobby

Speaker 1 oh hey Bobby Hey man so uh like to steal or we heard what you fucking did dude you stole our guys you stole our fucking guys. You stole our guys.
You stole our outfits.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 You stole our energy, dude. You stole our energy for sure.

Speaker 1 Our vibe.

Speaker 1 And then you're trying to steal our audience?

Speaker 1 Oh, that's burns. Yeah, dude.
And what are you going to do about it? Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 See what he's doing? You're treading on thin ice, pal. Yeah, yeah.
You're treading on thin ice. I'm not going to do anything about it.
And you know what?

Speaker 1 Because we treat them nicer than you treat them. Yeah? Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You know, I'll tell you something, Papal.

Speaker 1 I know you're coming up in the world, and I'm really proud of you. I really am.
And congratulations on the baby and stuff.

Speaker 1 You hear me? Thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think that you're really talented in this and that. But

Speaker 1 I just want to say this, though. Andrew and I know people that you don't know.

Speaker 1 So you crawl this, you crawled up this business. You know, I know Dave Rath.
I know all these people, right? Right. But it's like at the end of the day, dude,

Speaker 1 we know people you don't know.

Speaker 1 And people that I can make a phone call, right? And make it very difficult for you. Oops.
Oopsie daisy. Oopsie daisy, bud.
Oopsie.

Speaker 1 Are you threatening my livelihood? I'm not threatening your livelihood. I'm just giving you facts.

Speaker 1 You dumb white piece of shit.

Speaker 1 You piece of fuck. You get more

Speaker 1 Asian warlord, huh?

Speaker 1 Asian warlord is a slam. That's a that's a fucking compliment for warlord.
That's a compliment. Warlord, thank you.
Yep. I own all this shit.
That's exactly right. Anyway, what's up?

Speaker 1 Hello? Yeah, no, I'm listening. Yeah, you better be fucking listening, pal.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something. How does it feel?

Speaker 1 You look like you have HIV, but you don't have it.

Speaker 1 Dude, you look like you started SARS. What are you talking about? Wow.
That's a slam. I can't talk about it.
That hurt. That slam.
That fucking hurt. That hurt.

Speaker 1 That fucking hurt. First of all, dude, it was the Asian bird flu, not SARS.
Get your fucking diseases right, Bub. Okay? Yeah.
And let me tell you something here.

Speaker 1 Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Rip on him, too. Let me tell you something here.
Let me tell you something, swine flu. There we go.
That's your name, Swine Flu. Swine flu.
Because you're a fat, porky pig. You're a fat.
No, him.

Speaker 1 You know him. You're a freaking potato famine.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck me. You know, let me tell you something.
You northern European socialist piece of shit. Okay? You fucking, everybody deserves equal pay.
You're a fucking turd, pal.

Speaker 1 And we are going to hunt you down. We're going to hunt you down and and we're going to shave your head.
You know that fucking little hairdo that you got going on? It's gone.

Speaker 1 I got a swoop. Oh, yeah, you're.
Yeah, and we're going to swoop in and fuck your shit up, dude. Hang up now.
Hang up now. I'm hanging up now.

Speaker 1 And I'm only telling you that because I think it's rude to do otherwise. Yeah, you're being polite still, you bitch.
Yeah, you know why I'm being polite, pal? You know why I'm being polite, pal? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because your fucking wife and baby are there. But otherwise, buddy.
I'm calling Steve. Otherwise, buddy.
I'm calling Steve.

Speaker 1 You're fucked. I'm at at in right now, so leave a message.

Speaker 1 He never picks up. I'm going to text him right now.
Call me now.

Speaker 1 Fucking Steve.

Speaker 1 He's a weasel, and we're going to.

Speaker 1 We're going to bury him. Weasel, dude.

Speaker 1 I cannot believe he would do that shit.

Speaker 1 Ooh, that makes me sick in my fucking stomach. He's a little rat.
And you know what's funny? If he was here,

Speaker 1 he would melt because he'd be fucking pissing and

Speaker 1 sweating and shitting in his fucking pants, his piece of shit. Why doesn't he pick up his headphones? And can I say this too? Please.
Right? She,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 And Andreas,

Speaker 1 they're on to something and they're doing something behind her backs. Oh, I know what it is.
I know what it is, right? I know.

Speaker 1 And we got to figure out what that is, but this thing is melting, and I want to fucking eat it. Eat it.
So, can we get a slice of this? Give me a fucking slice of this. How good does this look?

Speaker 1 Put your arm away from her.

Speaker 1 Look what he's doing. Look at what he's doing.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. No, no.
Put your arm away. What are you with you?

Speaker 1 You guys are jealous? No. What? Bro.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is going on here? What is going on here?

Speaker 1 Doc, what are you doing? I got friends. I got fucking friends.
Oh, my God. I think he's smoking crap right now.
Are you smoking crap?

Speaker 1 All right, let's cut up some of this cake. Yeah, give me the cake.

Speaker 1 What's the matter?

Speaker 1 What's the matter?

Speaker 1 Doc?

Speaker 1 Love that guy.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Hey, no, no, no. You're not fucking going anywhere.
Come behind me real fast. Come behind me.
Yeah, come by. Love you, Andreas.
Come sit here.

Speaker 1 Come right here. Put your fucking head right behind the gong real fast.
You too, George, back there. All right.

Speaker 1 So let me tell you.

Speaker 1 He did hasn't gotten to me. You too, Pete, my bad.

Speaker 1 I was there only for five minutes. What? Rudy was there the whole time.
Okay, fancy. Who treated you the best in Cancun? You did.
Okay. Who loves you the most of this whole show? Rudy.

Speaker 1 You.

Speaker 1 Me.

Speaker 1 You went behind my back and I trusted you. We had a pact.
We had a pact. Yeah.
And you went behind my back. So you know what this means, right?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, you do.
I'm going to cut the cake for you. You fucking right.
You're going to cut the cake.

Speaker 1 You're going to give a cut the slice for you. You're a big fucking kick.
And you're going to give Bobby a big fucking slice? No, no, not just a slice.

Speaker 1 I want one piece of every fruit that's on the cake. That's what he wants.
Wow. One little piece.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And I've memorized every, even that leechy fruit up there. Lichi, lychee.
Lichy, lychee fruit up there. Oh, by the way, oh, is this your happy birthday?

Speaker 1 Look at this, it's for you. Yeah, yeah.
That's for Rudy. I don't want every apple.
Whoa, dude, that's love it. That's what she gets.
That's what you get.

Speaker 1 I don't even give you every fruit. Just give me a little tiny.
Just give me a little tiny slice. A tiny slice.

Speaker 1 Is this a...

Speaker 1 This is a great bakery. No, Porto's is my favorite.
Poto is the best. But I mean, what kind of cake did you get for her? What's going to be your dirty more Spanish fingers on it?

Speaker 1 Fucking bastard.

Speaker 1 All right, sorry.

Speaker 1 Bob, was this jersey from a fan? Was that the one in Cancun? What? A fan in Cancun gave you an Arsenal jersey, yes. I got this one, though.
But they did, didn't they? They did. It's in my closet.

Speaker 1 Isn't that fucking great?

Speaker 1 Love life.

Speaker 1 I love life. Can I have a spoon? This is so fucking good.
I'm like annoyed. I'm annoyed by budding this.

Speaker 1 It's like shocking.

Speaker 1 Look, Steve. Oh, pick up.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 What's going on? No, we're just doing bad friends, and we're just talking about.

Speaker 1 You know what's going on, Steve? We're just talking. No, sorry, man.
We're just talking about betrayal.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? Oh, dude.

Speaker 1 here we go, dude. I'm Steve.

Speaker 1 Oh, so Jules and Andreas wasn't on your show yesterday?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Maybe.
I don't know. Maybe not.
Yeah, and I understand that. And you weren't dressed up as me.

Speaker 1 And here's another thing.

Speaker 1 Did you wear a fat suit?

Speaker 1 No. Did you wear a fat suit?

Speaker 1 Dude, it was a joke. It said, do you like making fun of my fucking unhealthy body?

Speaker 1 I could die. I could die.
I could die.

Speaker 1 I put a little bit. Dude, it was just a gag.
Right.

Speaker 1 Oh, was it pretty hard?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm laughing so hard, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, come on. You guys are being bad sports.
Come on. Well, really? And then before, even when you guys were launching the fucking thing, you did good friends.
Good friends. That's right.

Speaker 1 Do you remember that?

Speaker 1 Did you question Jeremiah? Yeah, we did. We just called him a car, dude.
We ate him alive. Oh, you did? Yeah, we threatened his baby.
I love you guys. No, don't get off the phone.

Speaker 1 You're not getting off the phone. Fuck this.

Speaker 1 That's who I know when you're getting off the phone. I love you guys.
Take care. Have a good one.

Speaker 1 Fuck you, dude. You're not leaving shit.

Speaker 1 All right, so apologize. I'm sorry, guys.
I apologize. Listen, you guys.

Speaker 1 Dude, you got to be careful, Steve. We got a black guy here now.
Andrew,

Speaker 1 I'll make it up to you. I'll do whiskey, ginger.
Everything will be good.

Speaker 1 You know, we have a black guy now working for us? We have a black guy now. Yeah, dog.
Yeah, you're not scared? Do you believe it's Steve?

Speaker 1 You're not scared of him, though? You're not going to steal him, are you? Are you going to steal our black guy, too? No, I love dog. I'm sorry, guys.
All right, anyway, I love you. I love you.

Speaker 1 Love you, Steve.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so let's do this. Let's end the show like this.
Let's look into our center camera there. And we want to talk genuinely to our fans.
There we go.

Speaker 1 If we find out that any of you, and I mean

Speaker 1 any of you, this is great.

Speaker 1 Are going to subscribe to fucking scissor buds or whatever it is or snippet pals,

Speaker 1 we're going to fucking come after you one by one I've got Pete Pablo down there he's gonna be searching in the algorithm to find out who's following them and if you're following them you better unsubscribe right now and if we find out that our fans no no no no no no

Speaker 1 keep keep

Speaker 1 subscribing

Speaker 1 keep subscribing okay all right okay I think a better route right is to do some voodoo oh right curse put a curse put a hex put a curse so it's like um

Speaker 1 for those of you listening and if you're a bad friends fan, right? And you subscribe to, I don't even want to say the other fucking podcast name. I don't even know what it is.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That you're going to start feeling ill.

Speaker 1 Very.

Speaker 1 And not even COVID ill, like real sleep. No, like a deep illness.
Not like I lose my Zoom smell. No, like, I can't believe it.
You're not going to die. You're not going to die.
Maybe.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to guarantee you. No, yeah.
Yeah. You will lose something.
You'll lose something. You'll lose something.
I lost my spleen. I don't know.
Where did it go, doc? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, well, did you. So

Speaker 1 if you

Speaker 1 stay with bad friends, right?

Speaker 1 The flow, the good energy flow that we give, right?

Speaker 1 Unbeknownst to you. Is it the right word? Unbeknownst, correct, yeah.
Unbeknownst to you. Beknounced.
Unbeknownst to you. Right?

Speaker 1 You will receive enlightenment, luck,

Speaker 1 flavors, and favors. Flavors, flavors of life.
Flavors of life.

Speaker 1 You like flavors of life? We got them. We cut it.
We got icy flavors. We got fruity flavors.
We're fruity flavors. Yeah.
We got flavors from the exotics. Sometimes we have too many fruity flavors.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 We've got crack. We've got crack.

Speaker 1 If you like crack, we got it.

Speaker 1 But most of all,

Speaker 1 we want to say we love you. We love you.
Yeah. We respect, we appreciate you.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 thank you. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 Rudy, what'd you get? What did you get? A Doris Vader.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 Taco Bell Box. Is that a taco box filled with tacos? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Holy shit, that's been in there the whole time we didn't get to eat any of that.

Speaker 1 We'll take it home. Take it home.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday,

Speaker 1 happy birthday.