Sneaky Goosh & Lazy Alono in Cancún

From the Bad Friends Podcast. Yeah! Andrew Santino! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Thank you so much.
So, this guy right here, Andrew Santino, give him a round of applause. Oh, thanks, man.
Thanks, man. He's a piece of shit.
All right? He's ugly. But anyway, I know he's not.
He's hot as fuck, okay? All right. I've sucked his dick three times.
All right. So it's delicious.
So my point is that we didn't know what song it was, and we went in the woods over there. Is there a woods over there? There's no woods.
There isn't? Just a beach. We went in the darkness, the darkness, and we rehearsed it for the first time, so excuse us.
So you're getting in the first time, all right? The first time we've ever done this. All right? Are you going to help us sing? Josh, help us sing.
You must help us. Are you guys ready to go? Are you guys ready to go? One, two, three, four.
Oh! What I want, you got it. No, no, no.
Hold on, hold on. You're too early.
Now! No, we got it. We fucking rehearsed this on the fucking beat.
He got it! No, he stops and then you go. You have got it! One more time.
One, two, three, four. Yeah, yeah.
Two more times. I'll tell you when.
Fuck. Here we go.
What I want, you've got in my behind the candle. Like a flame that burns a candle.
The candle is a flame. Oh, yeah.

Stock, gold, stock, a thought that dreams are scattered.

And you put them all together.

And I can't explain.

Oh, yeah.

Well, well, you.

You make my dreams come true.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Well, well, well, you.
You're making my dreams come true. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. You have to take your clothes off.
Don't burn your cigarette on your shirt. Don't burn your shirt with your cigarette Rodeo.
All the way there? Yeah, sure. We can blur it.
Go ahead. No, no, no, we'll do it.
We'll blur it. Go ahead.
Come on in. Wow, it's so funny and so small.
Come on in. I mean, it's nice.
It's actually kind of nice. It's so dark.
Your penis is the darkest penis I've ever seen in my entire life.

Come here real quick.

Let me see.

Hey, look at this.

Coming to you live from Cancun, Mexico.

We're here with Bobby Lee, sir.

Oh, my God.

It's so sleepy.

Peepy.

Don't fuck it.

He's so sleepy.

Come on.

Get in here.

Let's get in the tub.

This is definitely the intro.

All right. I'm going to sit on the edge while my little nudie booty is down there hey welcome to cancun i'm your one of your hosts bobby lee and we've got andrew santino and and this has been a disaster okay welcome welcome back to bad friends uh bob's in the tub and he's butt naked.
It's been a disaster. And it's been...
No, it's been kind of fun.

Well... Disaster.
Okay, welcome back to Bad Friends. Bob's in the tub and he's butt naked.
It's been a disaster.

And it's been, no, it's been kind of fun.

Well, aside from the fact that I experienced the worst show I've ever done in my life.

Yeah, we did the worst show we've ever done in our entire life.

You know, that was the worst show I've ever done in my life.

Poor Jim Jeffries.

At one point, Jim Jeffries turned to me and was like, I can't hear a fucking thing you're saying.

He couldn't hear anything we were saying.

No, he looks at me at one point. His face is sweating.
Yeah, dripping sweat. And he goes, can we go? Wait, what is that? Can we go? Let me hear.
Can we go? Can we go? Yeah, and I go, no. He's a cheeky little British boy.
Can we go? And I go. Let me get in the tub with you.
Get in here, man. This is going to be so bad for my back.
Scoot back, please. Go back over on that.
I've never seen so much of you. Lean back against there.
There it is. Put your penis above your thighs, though, so it's poking up.
Why? Because I want to see it. Can you see it on the camera? I'm trying not to.
Let me see. Oh.
Cute, right? Yeah. Pretty cute.
It's so funny to see your little shell just popping up yeah it's like a when did it stop growing do you think seven bro bro it's always been growing all right you should see it i can't stop looking at it 40 years ago i can't stop looking at it you know what it is it looks like a skin when you're on the beach? You know when you're on the beach and you see like an animal emerging from the sand after the water washes over it? That's what that looks like. It pops up a little bit and then it goes right back down.
It goes right away. No, I feel like it deserves a shell.
It needs a shell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It needs a little thing where it can... A little protective layer.
And when it pops up, just a little head, it's a little eye pokes through. Yeah, like that, right? And then it he going suck me suck me or is he going suck me feed me oh feed me yeah that's hot right but i don't think it absorbs no you can't it doesn't actually eat oh can i have a theory and i talked about this before i might have already but i have a theory that men queef as well.
You've had air come out of your penis? Well, one night, I was in the bathtub, and I hear a... That sound.
And I realized that was a little bit of an air coming out of my pee hole. So, theoretically, it's a queef, but it's coming out of a penis.
And just because this doesn't make a lot of sound like a woman's queef does women's are full on give me an example of a woman's queef is like yeah yeah yeah and mine's more like yeah but it's have it afterwards so we call it a poef a poef you want to call it poef poef I just I think I've come up with a new term I I've never done that. Have you ever pweefed, Fancy? You don't know you're doing it because it's so small.
I don't think I have. You don't think you have? You've never pweefed? Yeah, I don't think I pweef.
I don't know if that's real, but I think it could just be your biology. Maybe it's a theoretical idea that probably isn't true.
But, you know, let's talk about Endor. Okay, so here's what happened.
First of all, can you get a shot out there, George? Look what they put. They put us.
So many other people. Nikki Glaser got an oceanfront view.
We have the jungle. And zoom down if you can see down there.
People are cutting as we're podcasting. They're...
Well, you can't... They're cutting...
It's Mexican people doing what they do. They're just cutting away.
They just love it. As soon as they find...
What are you looking at? As soon as they find a knife or scissors, they're like, I got to go to cut something and they just got to go cut stuff. Bobby said that that was a reward.
I said, is that a punishment? And Bobby said, no, that's a reward for them. Well, I don't know if you know this, but if you want to capture a Mexican, all you have to do is put, no, you just hear me out.
All you have to do is build it like a little cage. Yeah.
Right. Oh, wow.
Right. And then you have a little trap door thing.

Right.

I get that.

Right.

And inside, just put a couple of scissors.

Like one of those long shears.

Shears.

Shears.

That's what they call them.

Whackers.

Yeah, weed whackers.

Yeah.

And all of a sudden you hear, the gate will close.

And you have four of them.

You'll get four of them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What are we doing here?

Yeah, what are we doing here? And they get scared. And all you have to do is give them a chimichanga.
That's it? Yeah. It relaxes them.
Oh, they calm down. Yeah, they love fried beef.
They love it. It relaxes them.
And what you do is, comprende? Comprende? Comprende? Which means, do you understand, right? Correct. And they go, in their own way, I don't know Spanish, but in their own way, they're going, we know that we've run into a Korean demon.
Yeah, when they know right away. When they know right away.
They can smell it right away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And let me tell you something. Is that racist what I just said? It is.
But please don't steal a Mexican. It feels racist.
Well, remind the fans not to steal a Mexican. Please don't steal a Mexican.
Don't steal the Mexicans. No.
No. Please don't steal one.
It's just something to do. That's like a sign they would have at the border.
Please don't steal the Mexicans. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But if you notice out here, this is where they shot Endor. I keep saying that.
No, it really is. It looks exact.
Wait, really? Yeah. No.
Yeah, they shot Endor scenes. In Cancun? Not in Cancun, but in this area.
In this area? I just made that up.

Oh, I know you did.

Speaking of Cancun, last night we were happy to know that we did a couple of shows.

We can cut to the tape right now of us bombing with Jim Jeffries.

You'll see some of this right now.

Here you go.

I masturbate.

Thank you.

And I get really lonely, you know?

So when I masturbate, I grab my own ass. That was it? Yeah, I should write more.
I should write more. That joke crushed.
Yeah. That was a killer.
I have another one. Give me another shot.
Please try one more time. I have another shot.
All right. So my mom was a Jehovah witness.
You guys know that? Do you know that? My mom was a Jehovah witness. Say it to me.
My mom was a Jehovah witness. Your mom was a Jehovah's witness.
Yeah. Do you guys know that? His mother's a Jehovah's witness.
Is that what's happening? Yeah. Can I translate the jokes for the Australian people? Let me finish the fucking joke.

Okay.

So then my mom used to knock on my bedroom door,

and I'd go, what do you want, mom?

She'd go, just practicing.

Crushed.

Crushed.

Pretty good job.

Clean, too.

When was the last time you did that joke?

20 years ago.

20 years?

It was about five seconds ago.

You do a joke that you used to do.

20 years ago?

Yeah, yeah.

Every time, I'll sit down. You don't boss me around.
I flew here for you, okay? Okay. Okay, I'll...
Two Jews... It's okay.
20 years ago joke. One of my first jokes was...
Oh, I saw a sign. I saw a sign.
A girl holding a sign that said... Start over.
Start over. Is that it? Start over.
It wasn't clear. Start over.

And more energy because you're doing a joke.

This is a show.

So a little energy, alright? Everybody!

Anders Antino! Woo!

Make it good.

I saw a girl

holding a sign

and it said, make love,

not war. Which is weird because every time I make love, it's just like war.
There's a lot of destruction, a lot of death, and money is usually owed. It's a prostitute, an old prostitute joke.
Pretty good. It's one of my first jokes.
Jim, can you do a bad joke you did from back in the day?

He doesn't want to do it.

He doesn't have any bad jokes.

He can't think of any.

No, I can't remember any of these stuff from 20 years ago.

That was like one of the first shitty jokes that I wrote.

And I remember it actually did good enough in open mics where I was like, all right.

I can remember one bit I used to do for my first ever set, but it's not.

Hold on.

Hold on.

It's not good.

It was from my. Let's hear it.
Let's hear it. Let's hear it.
It was from my first set, so it's not... Hold on, hold on.
It's not good. Let's hear it.

Let's hear it. It was from my first set, so it's not...

Yeah.

Come on! Come on, baby!

Come on, baby!

I don't remember how it goes.

So I used to be

obsessed with doing, like, religious jokes.

I probably watched too much Bill Hicks or some shit like that.

So this is what I had.

I was like, Jesus, right? He didn't know he was Jesus until he was 30. He died at 33.
For the first 30 years, he did fucking nothing. And then when he turned 30, he started doing miracles and shit for the last three years.
And then he died.

Surely his mother would have said something.

She would have gone, I was artificially inseminated by an angel.

You should check on that.

Maybe that was...

But he worked as a carpenter up until then.

Maybe it wasn't his fault.

Maybe his dad sat him down and said, look, it's good that you're God and all that.

But maybe you should get yourself a trade first,

something to fall back on.

And I go... No, there's an ending.
Hold on.

And I go, it would have been weird.

Every time he was talking to like a thousand people,

there always would have been one cunt up the back going,

isn't that the bloke that built my gazebo?

Yeah, baby.

Very good.

That was a good joke.

That was for me first time.

Andreas, your turn.

Andreas, everybody.

Andreas, everybody.

Get over here.

Ladies and gentlemen, he's been practicing for six months. He's got great jokes, man.
One more time. I don't know his last name.
Andreas, everybody. Come on, fans.
Come on, fans.

Come on, fans.

They enjoyed torturing me.

Also, little

stand-up comedy tip,

untuck your trouser from your sock.

That throws the audience off.

Yeah, or make a match.

That's much better.

You're meant to do it.

I...

Bobby's...

Do the joke.

Do the joke, fans.

Okay, here we go.

All right.

A really PC joke.

What do you call

a chink? A fat chink.

What do you call a fat chink?

Did he say

fat chick? What do you call a

fat chick? Is that what you said? What do you call a fat chick?

I feel the name fat chick

is already mean enough. What do you call a fat chick?

Chunk. Chunk.
What? Chunk. Chunk.
Andreas, give him a round of applause. Also, last night in Cancun, cartel stormed a resort and shot two people and killed them.
Do you know this? That's hearsay. No, no, no.
That's right-wing media. It's trending on Twitter.
Right-wing media, dude. It's hearsay.
Oh, is that fake news? I don't know. Let me ask you something right now.
Yeah. With your little orange eyes.
Yeah. Right? Do you see any other hotels around here? No.
Well, then you put two and two together. It's fake.
It didn't happen. It's fake.
Fake news. Yeah.
Would it happen in that little house over there? Yeah, that little tiny hut down there. My point two and two together it didn't happen it's fake news yeah would have happened that little house over there yeah that little tiny hut down there my point is is this did it really happen yeah two people got killed but you know it's 30 minutes north what i loved about what happened last night is you had to tell the organizer last night in the right the The information.
You go, yeah, did you know that in the resort afterwards?

There's a fucking stand down.

There's fucking fighting people dying.

And he was like. And he was like freaking out.

He was like, oh, really?

Yeah, and he could tell in his mind, like, what do I do?

Because I even said to him, I was like, I'm going to get on a flight and go home.

And he was like.

Why did you say that?

Because I get uppity and puppity when I get up.

You were really.

I've never seen you so sad.

Yeah, because we.

After a show.

We ate shit. we ate shit.

We ate shit.

I never bombed with you before like that in my mind.

No, because it was just, we couldn't do anything.

We couldn't hear each other.

The crowd was like, there was 600 people, something like that.

And the ceilings were 30 feet high.

We couldn't hear anything.

Honestly, five minutes in, I had that feeling of like, oh, this is going to be the worst human experience of my life. We panicked.
That was terrible. It was really bad.
He may never talk to us again. He won't.
He actually told me. He's like, lose my number, mate.
I feel that. It felt like we're never going to see him again.
Yeah, but it's okay. It's yeah although he i brought up the brad pitt thing

do you hear me say that yeah what do you mean oh yeah yeah yeah yeah so one time i was with jim in canada and brad pitt kept texting him and i just thought that was really cool that he knew it is cool don't you think that's cool it is what's the biggest one you know the The biggest celebrity I know? Yeah.

Maybe Fancy.

Fancy might be the most.

By the way, you know how famous. Can I rub my dick against your leg?

Do you know how famous this guy is in Mexico?

Fancy.

Everyone is stopping him.

Oh, my God.

It feels so gross.

It's so gross.

Your wiener on my ankle. What's falling off? Is that dirt falling off? It's dust.
Not dirt. But dude, does this help? But dude, this is like, if my leg gets infected with something, I'm going to be so upset.
Yeah. This feels like a girl.
Yeah. This, yeah.
This reminds me, I'm making love to Tonya Lee Harding. What? Who's Tanya Lee Harding? You mean, you mean, Tanya Hardy? Tanya Lee Davis.
Oh. This is so uncomfortable.
I'll just keep going. By the way, look at, can you put, hey, put my big toe up near your penis and see which one's bigger.
Oh my God, my big toe is bigger. My big toe is bigger.
Yes, it is. It's not bigger, dude bit you i will your body is beautiful it's like a little round damn i love the compliment it's like a little yellow egg yeah it's like when you get to you know it's when you get to my age and you look in the mirror yeah you just don't care anymore why don't you care anymore you're 50 and you're like it's like let's suppose I'm single again

I feel like I'd still be able to maybe swing some. No, honestly, you don't think? Maybe.
No, no. You think that if I was single, I wouldn't be able to get a girl? I think even now they'd do okay.
You honestly think that I would not... What scale are you looking at? Like, what number? On the number scale of 0 of zero to ten for real what kind of what kind of woman do you think you could get at this point in your life in your career well I'm not leaving Kalilah so let's just throw that out you just did a hypothetical if you were single but hypothetically right what kind of girl I think that I could probably do what do you mean number wise yes don't say I kind of want to do it just to prove you wrong uh you don't i think i can do a nine no way no nothing over eight what it's kalyla an eight then no we're talking about the future no but what is kalyla now well that's you to judge not me what did you judge a 10 a 10 pandering he's pandering he's pandering what about you george six and a half five and a half six and a half i am more toward no she's to me no she's the best but i'm saying or ten in the future we're talking about in the future if you're trying to get something new you're getting nothing above an eight no chance and all this is doing is having someone that we know the fans are going to go i'm a nine and i would date bobby that's what happen now.
Yeah. I mean, with the depreciation of the coin here in Mexico, maybe he can get a 10.
This is the problem. Once you bring him down here, he starts soaking up some of his old ways.
Yeah, I don't like it. I don't.
That's yeah. That's the old ways.
He's like, once you bring me down here, I go to the fancy business. Yeah.
He said, your old proverbs come out. I don't like it.
Oh my God. We did this last.
So we went to dinner the first night. Me, George, and Fance went to dinner, and Fancy was wasted.
We've got some video of him dancing. You guys can see.
Yeah, Fance. This is the thing that we learned.
The Mexicans hate Fancy because he speaks with uppity British accents. That's what I could tell.
And then, honestly, the waiter would come over, and every time he over Fancy goes, mira, mira, mira, mira, mira, mira, mira, mira, mira. And the guy would bend down and he would roll his eyes and Fancy didn't notice because he was shit faced.
But Fancy speaks with like a proper British accent, right? Down here it's like Cockney. Like, oh, you want another, oh, you want another cup of soup? But, and Fancy's like, yes, I'd like another cup of soup, please.
That's, he's so, he's way too uppity. They too uppity the Mexicans hated it but I do love being because we went to the Mexican restaurant last night and knowing that you know the language doesn't it feel better? well it makes me feel a little bit safer but then I know they also don't like him you can tell they don't but at least we have communication something we have something there do you feel them judging you little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. How can you tell? Did they smirk at you a little bit when you did? Yeah, they rolled their eyes.
So imagine, dude, back in the day, dudes that look like him, they get off a boat. Here in Mexico.
In Mexico, right? Yeah, yeah. They have swords probably.
Do you guys have swords back then? Swords and crosses. Swords and crosses.
And crosses, right? You came on the beach, right, with your glowy

white skin, and you saw

a brown person, and what

you went haywire on. Get him!

Get him. They're

terrible people, the Spanish. Really?

And then you guys

shared your language with them? Yeah. Is that what

that happened? Forced them to speak it. Forced them to

speak your language with your God.

We call them giving culture. Giving culture, that's what they call it.
He would bigot. And look at the woods out here.
How much atrocity has happened? His people. Like babies just tied to a tree.
Why would you tie the babies to the tree? Well, it was like a landmark because that's how they know to get back to where they're going. Oh, really? That's like Hansel and Gretel leaving breakfast.
And do they ask the babies or are they dead? Would they ask them and say, do you mind us making you a landmark? Well, no. You have the babies tied to a tree.
They're a landmark. Do you go, hey, where's Wes? Over there, sir.
I mean, do they talk? Yeah. How about it this way? Yeah.
Anyway, why did you do those to the people? Back then, I think there was just a way to connect with. There was a way to connect.
Yeah, I mean, now we have social media now, which is cool. But back then, dude, they had their own way to connect.
That was social media. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Their poking is with a sword. So it was like...
So pillaging and raping and murdering, that was like a post for you guys? That's like an Instagram post? Yeah, exactly. How many likes did that get? The whole village was like, that's good, that's good, that's good.
And then they celebrated. These people were, I mean, I say Mexico over Spain, 100%.
Mexico's great. I love Mexico, man.
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HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. I hear it echoing in this tub.
It sounds so nice. My nice voice? Your nice voice.
Little boy. Little boy boy little boy Korean boy what would be your life

song if someone had imagine if Frank Sinatra or someone like that was still alive and they sung a song about you yeah how would it go like when he dedicated songs like cities or people or women Hello, San Diego.

Little Korean boy is born.

Beat, beat, beat him down.

With the... San Diego, little Korean boy is born.

Beat, beat, beat him down with the golf club.

Beat him down.

Mola Station, in your future, is it slick?

Is it slippery stuff?

Right?

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then here comes the drugs.

The drugs are on your highway. Right.
Mola station and drugs. Drugs.
Korean boy, you've got a sad future. Different genre what you're doing, I think.
Oh, sorry. San Diego.
Yeah, but what is that? Doesn't he talk about cities? Yeah, but Sinatra would be... He doesn't talk about cities? Yeah, he does.
Yeah, well, let's go back. San Diego, USA.
But do it in the Frank Sinatra. His rhythm.
You start. His rhythm was like...
Remember the song One Singular Sensation? You know, one singular sensation Every little step you take I thought you would do that. So listen to the beat San Diego, California No, he would have gone Frank would have gone San Diego, what a town Yeah Little Korean boy beating around He's getting abused and molested thrown out a window he contested he takes it in his tush hey yeah he's a dirty little gooshy gush wait wait wait did you just say a new racist term did i just make up a term gooshy gush is a new racist term I want to say this too

when it Did you just say? A new racist term? Did I just make up a term? Gooshy-goosh? Gooshy-goosh is a new racist term. Is he? I'm going to say this too.
When it comes to racial terms, it literally goes chink. Uh-huh.
Right? Gooshy-goosh. Gooshy-goosh.
Yeah. Gooshy-goosh is great.
To me, Gooshy-goosh hurts more than gook. No.
Yeah. Hurts more than any of them.
No. Hurts more than any of them.
By the way, Gooshy-goosh is- Don't ever call me that that again will you name your album Gooshy Goosh? yeah 100% Gooshy Goosh he's a little Gooshy Goosh he's a sneaky sneaky is always good he's a little sneaky Goosh he's a sneaky Goosh Goosh is nice it's G-O-O-S-H Goosh name your next special sneaky Goosh I will He's a sneaky goosh. Goosh is nice.
It's G-O-O-S-H. Goosh.
Sneaky goosh. Yeah.
Name your next special sneaky goosh. I will.
He's a little sneaky goosh. Yeah.
What about you? What if Frank Sinatra sang a song about you? Chicago, Chicago. He's a redhead from divorce and drugs and alcohol.
And then he was sad, abused as a boy, beat up and bullied, big old ears, pale and thin as a rail. He's got pimples all over his face, pimple all over his butt.
Can you teach me how to rap? You want me to teach you how to rap? I've never learned how to rap. I really haven't.
All right, so... I think I wrote one.
My name is Bobby Lee. I'm the king of society.
I rap. I sing.
I do it in variety. Oh, my God.
That's so bad. I wrote that when I was a kid.
But that's like the 80s rap. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My name is Bobby Lee. King of society.
I rap. I sing.
I do it in variety. Oh.
Oh, oh, oh. And then they raise the roof, right? Well, they don't do that anymore.
Yeah.

Back in the day, though, in the 80s. Back in the day, they sometimes did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But don't you understand that the rap you're doing is like this.

That was like cool in the gang when it was like, I don't know.

I don't know.

That's the thing.

It's like, I, I love music.

No, you don't, but you don't love rap.

Just hear me out. It's because of the black people.

You don't like the black people.

And that's what it is.

Name a black artist that you like right now.

Go fast.

Smalls.

Smalls.

Yeah.

Biggie Smalls.

Who is that?

Biggie Smalls. hear me out it's because of the black people you don't like the black people and that's what it is name a black artist that you like right now go fast smalls smalls yeah who is that biggie small he's dead give someone that's current that's it's shupak shupak shupak shupak shupak in korean shupak shupak is here shupak are you guys listening briggy briggy shupak briggy and Shupak battle no because back in the day like when my brother was into hip hop I would like he still is he loves it me and him talk about it you know when Jurassic 5 came out I wanted that album you know what I mean I mean there were certain albums Mark 7 but it's been so long Charlie Tuna since somebody said you should check out this new hip hop album I kind of lost my way way.
I want to like I was into like Tribe Called Quest. Love.
Back in the day I loved you know De La Soul. Love.
Those type of that type of rap. But I just kind of lost my way.
It has nothing to do with anything culturally or anything like that. Yeah.
I want to learn. No but you know what? No one's suggesting.
I'll suggest a bunch of albums for you to listen to. I'll send you a bunch of stuff on Spotify.
Can I be honest with you too? You don't like it. No, can I be completely and utterly honest with you? I know what it is.
You don't want me to give you knowledge about something. No, that's not what it is.
It's so funny that you say that because Clilett says that all the time. It drives me crazy.
What is it then? It's I don't trust your taste. I really don't.
I honestly don't trust your taste. I have such good musical taste.
When it comes to food. When it comes to movies

and when it comes to anything arts,

I don't listen to you.

You have bad art taste.

I'm not, dude,

I'm not saying that

to start a fight with you.

Yeah, you are.

I'm trying to be fucking honest with you

and being fucking.

I'm being honest with you.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't trust your taste.

I don't trust your taste.

And that's fine.

We can still do our podcast.

You just don't know anything about hip hop and so you're embarrassed if I teach you something. It's embarrassing to you if I teach you about the culture.
You know nothing about the culture. This is how I work.
You barely work. Oh, you want to go there? Yeah.
I don't. All right.
I definitely don't. No, you're working too much.
Bobby's going back to Hawaii to do Magnum PI bi then he's going back to new york to do sex in the city then he's going back can i tell you how i work oh please can i tell you how i work please sorry for yelling that's fine khalaya will be like you should like two years ago you should watch this movie i'm sure it's good oh yeah right because. Right? Because once they say that, it takes me a

year to get around. I understand

that. Right? If I can discover something

on my own, I'm generally more

on it.

My teeth hurt so bad right

now. Wait, why?

Because I went to the dentist a month ago

and this side of my mouth, two

teeth were in really pain. Let me

see. Open your mouth real fast.
No, not right now.

Let me finish what I'm going to say.

Let me see.

Let me see.

Let me finish what I'm going to say.

Okay.

This side of the mouth now

is beginning to really hurt.

My bottom tooth,

it's so sore.

I have to drink,

eat ibuprofen every hour.

You know that's not good for you.

For your liver. Why do we...
We stayed in the pocket for too long, I think. No, it was good enough.
Make a decision. Let's go together.
No, I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You were going to kiss me. We got to go...
No, we're not. We got to go back in the pocket.
I had to make a different decision. You should have done it.
All right, fuck. I missed my opportunity.
But wait, Bob, you do know that your heart is your teeth. You know you can have a heart attack from having bad teeth.
You know that? That's a real thing. Have you guys never heard of this? If you have infections in your mouth, it can cause heart disease.
I'm being 100%. Am I lying or am I telling the truth? What's the point? What can I do here in Mexico right now? Hold the mic, fans.
What can I do I do in Mexico right now? What do you mean? Yeah. Am I going to have a heart attack? There's nothing I can do.
I mean, when I get back into LA. Let me feel your pulse.
Don't touch my fucking body, dude. I'm going to feel your pulse.
All right. Feels good, huh? You know how? I'm here.
Ready? Count this. George, do a timer on this pulse so we can see how high his blood pressure is.
Ready? Hold on. Up here.
It's up here. All right.
Oh, you grabbed my dick. Stop.
Ow! Well, stop. Ready? Tell him to start.
Let me grab your dick. No, stop it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't do your pulse if you're grabbing my penis, Bob.
Would you do this in the emergency room if they're like, sir, you're dying? You're not a doctor! Maybe I am. All right.
I'm training to be a doctor. I'm not going to squeeze your dick hard.
Yes, you are. I know what you're going to do.
You're going to pinch it. No, I need your pulse.
No. I need your pulse.
You're going to pinch it as hard as you can. I'm not stupid.
How about this? You can punch me in the face if I punch it too hard. If I squeeze too hard.
No. It's a really good test for a relationship.
I don't buy it. Well, you're going to have to.
Because I've been down this road with you before. I know, but can I...
And it always goes the way that I know it's going to go. Can I have another shot? No.
I beg of you. Can I have another shot? No, no, no.
Thank you. As a friend.
No, thank you. Well, you're not touching my fucking throat.
Fine. All right.
Even Steven, you just ruined the bit because you want to squeeze my fucking penis. No, the bit is funny if I stick my two fingers on your penis while you do it.
That's the bit you're ignoring. They can't even see that and it doesn't do anything.
It makes it funny for you because you're going to end up punching my penis or flicking my penis. Let's vote.
Let's vote. Yeah, it is a democracy, is it not? No, it's not.
Yes, it is. No, we're in Mexico Mexico it's a vigilante run state us four right me pulsing Andrew's dick raise your hand thank you so much three against one let's go are you ready I'm going to give you an example I promise I promise ready you get my ball do not tell me what territory I can conquer I want to conquer be so mad.
All right, I promise. Ready? You get my ball.

Do not tell me what territory I can fucking conquer. You get my ball.

I want to conquer the territory I want to conquer.

No, I don't.

No, no, no.

I don't let you conquer my territory.

I'm going to go back.

I'm going to fight.

Dude, if I'm Magellan, I see an island, right?

You can't be telling me what island to fuck the side of the island.

Could you imagine you want a boat to find a new land?

I'm not going to let you punch me in the penis.

I'm not going to punch.

I swear to God, I won't.

Just gentle.

Watch.

Look how gentle is going. See you punch me in the penis.
I swear to God, I won't. Just gentle.
Watch. See?

It's nice.

Yeah.

All right, George.

Ready?

Stop laughing because we have to take your pulse.

Stop.

Come.

I know.

Stop.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

And ready, George?

And stop.

I'm going to get hard.

Don't do that.

Yeah.

Start on one.

Start on one, two, three.

One, two, three, four, four five stop rubbing my penis stop yeah okay multiply that was it multiply it it was five seconds so five beats so a beat a second yeah 60 beats a second that's really good really that's really good that's like some of the best blood pressure I've ever heard. I know.
And I was going to tell you that.

God, that's really good. But go ahead and test it.

No, we just tested it.

What is that?

No matter who's touching your penis,

man, woman, it doesn't matter.

It's going to get hard if you rub the head.

It's going to get hard if you rub the head.

I'm saying. I don't think that's true.
I'm not attracted to you at all.

You start rubbing the head, it's going to get hard.

Can we do a little science experiment? Let's do a little science experiment We have to do it on Fancy Alright On George Rub George's penis And let him do it Yeah yeah yeah And see if he gets hard Yeah George stand right here George get over here George stand right here George stand right here Let's see if we can get your heart But it's got And you have to rub the head of his penis Like you did mine Oh I'm gonna do it I'm gonna be pro You be pro Yeah I'm gonna be the Wayne Yeah, I'm going to be the Wayne Gretzky of whatever this is. Hold on one second.
Hold on. Hold on.
Let Fancy go see if he can see it. He's getting ready.
He's getting stacked up. George is getting so stacked up.
All right, we're ready to go? Yeah, ready? Okay, we're ready to go. For some reason, I have to loop my fingers.
Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes, he does. Yes, he does.
Yes, he does. For some reason, I have to.
George, how else could it be? How else could it be? Yeah. There it is.
Yeah. All right, all right.
Hold on. Here we go.
Where is it? Right here? Yeah, you feel it. Yeah.
it Yeah this is so gay Yeah This feels gay So what But it feels it You're spitting on me twice I'm sorry my bad That's my bad Let me see Alright no but do it soft Do it soft I am Do it soft Hands in the air Don't put your hands in your air And it's 60 seconds Don't close your eyes No no no let him do that I like that let him do that That's funny to me When you close your eyes It makes it you close your eyes, it makes it intimate. Let him close his eyes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't visualize anyone else.
He doesn't know who's doing it. Don't visualize anyone else.
All right, all right. Okay, I'm going to start the timer.
Look at that. It's getting bigger.
I'm going to start the timer. Can I notice? Do you notice? It's leaking.
Oh, my God, you're leaking. It's leaking.
All right, here we go. I'm going to start the timer.
60 seconds. Ready? Yeah, yeah.
And go. Yeah, yeah, we're good.
59, 58. How's it going? Seven, six.
Oh, my God, it's getting Oh, he's moving. Six.
It is. Five.
It's moving. Yes, it is.
Yes, it is. It's moving.
Oh, my God. It's moving.
It's like an animal. Like an literally animal.
No. Oh, my God.
George. It's like an animal.
George, it's thicker now than it was when you walked over. 100%.
100%. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Is this? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Look at it.
Look at it. Look at it.
Look at it. Look at it, dude.
Look at it. Look at it.
Look at it. Look at it.
Look at it go dude. Look at it go.
Look at it go, baby. All right.
Get out of here. You lost.
Let me tell you something. I physically watched it move.
Me too, dude. Look at this.
It went like this. The head literally went like this.
Yeah. Yeah.
You know what it reminded me? It was escaping. It was leaving.
It reminded me that you and I are astronauts. We find a new M-class planet.
We're going, should we get fucking

to go ahead from NASA?

You're like, let's just go down.

We go down. We land smoothly.

We see an animal.

That's what it looked like.

It's a brand new

kind of species.

We touch it and it goes like this.

Wow, that was crazy.

Can you imagine if we go to a planet like that yeah and there's little penises all over the place yeah and we run out of food we run out of food here we go again what does everything have to do every time you and i are together it's homoerotic it goes into some weird homoerotic place that i don't want to venture to okay i have christian i'm not a christian Christian. You're not.
But I have beliefs, so. Okay, what are your beliefs? I have Christian beliefs.
And what are they? Are you repressing something? The hollow ghost. What's it called? Hollow ghost? Yeah, the hollow ghost.
The hollow ghost? Did I say hollow ghost? Oh, praise the hollow ghost. The hollow ghost, right? Yeah.
The trinity is what I'm talking about. The trinity is what? Give it to me.
Jesus Christ. No.
God, Son, and the Holy Ghost The Hollow Ghost And so I believe in all those things Did you guys have crosses in your house? Did your mom put up crosses? We didn't have a single You didn't in your hallway or something? But my brother Was a born again Christian In high school And he would No. Yeah, and he would cut out, you know this, he would cut out of Bible verses and tape them to the wall.
Yuck. And it got to the point where his bedroom was from top to bottom Bible verse.
Whoa. You mean like the guy from Seven.
Seven. Seven.
Seven. Does he not have anything like that anymore in him? As soon as he lost state, God went away.
I couldn't agree more. If you lose state, you're like, I don't believe in God anymore.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. God went away.
Were you religious fans when you were a kid? No, never. Never? Even with all that Spanish Catholic shit? I went to Catholic school, but I was the only one who didn't.
So in Catholic school in Spain, did they do the same thing to the boys that they do here in the United States? Is it different in Catholic school? No, same thing. Same rituals.
Same rituals? Yeah. What about you, George? Grew up religious.
Super religious. You don't know that, right? No, I know.
I do. I know.
Seventh-day Adventist. Were you ever touched by a priest? Yeah.
No. Were you ever touched by a priest? Look at him, dude.
No, no, no. Look at George again.

Oh, my God.

You can see it now.

I saw it right there.

No.

He's unfuckable.

You think the priests were like, next?

Yeah, so look at him again, right?

And with a straight face, ask him.

With a straight face, ask him.

And then George comes in the room.

The priest is, oh.

And George comes in.

He's like, you wanted to see me? He's like, get out. Ship Station.
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When I go to Whole Foods and I'm at the checkout line. Yeah.
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Are you farting? Are you seriously farting? I'm not farting right now. No.
About maybe the fungal system in the forest. Do you know what kind of clouds those are? Those are hibiscus clouds.
No. Caused by raindrops.
Nope. Please don't ask me stuff like that right now.
How do you not know what those are? What are they? Cumulus. They're cumulative.
They're all accumulative. Yeah, yeah.
Those are nimbus. That's really good stuff.
Anyway, let's not talk about that. That's actually nimbus.
Let's not talk about that then. I don't know much about it.
Well, don't cut us off at the past when we were really rolling over there. What do you mean? Just because we were talking about weird, uncomfortable stuff doesn't mean we can't talk about weird, uncomfortable stuff.
I'd rather talk about penises, actually. You're right.
That's my number one go-to yeah yeah why is that though um we're fast my trouble pants is it my trouble past do you think that's why you always pull it out yeah i you know i've been thinking about lately why because last night i got naked on stage yeah so in my head i'm like what do i do to save this the show yeah when the show was going really awry, I mean, just started like that.

Nudity is always my escape pod.

Well, okay, here's the deal.

Here's what you did.

I made the joke because we were called back

to you taking off your shirt

and giving your shirt away.

So you gave your shirt away to a girl

who aggressively came up and stole it.

Okay, can I say this?

Stole it.

Can I say this?

Yeah.

That's the second shirt you've given away of mine?

Stop. It's because the shirts I'm wearing are like, you know what I mean? Very expensive.
Right. When you give it away to an audience member, I feel guilty.
Yeah. And so I just gave away my favorite Bowie shirt.
What did she give you in return? Nothing. A tiger belly shirt.
No, but that was from her boyfriend. One and the same.
They came together with a mission in mind. I make the tigery shirts.
Well, then now you got one. I made it back.
You made it back. I made my money back.
You made your money back. Yeah, but I lost the fancy anyway.
Let's talk about it. Full circle.
It's a full circle. So you gave away your shirt, which I'll never stop doing at live shows.
In fact, be prepared. When we do Bad Friends Live on the road next fall, you are going to give away a shirt in every city we go to.
I'm going to wear terrible shirts. No, you better wear cool shirts.
No! You have to. That's part of the game.

So I'll wear the coolest shirt that I have, and then you'll give it away.

And we have to give it away in every city. Oh, fuck.

It's so fun. I don't like it.

No, I love it because it gives the fans something to take home. Why is the food so bad here? The food is pretty bad.

The food is pretty bad.

I mean, it's like... There were eggs

and green salsa this morning. Yeah.

And I swear to God, it was

Ninja Turtle color. I was like, that's ooze.
That's ooze. Ninja Turtle ooze.
Did I eat morning. Yeah.
And I swear to God, it was Ninja Turtle color.

I was like, that's ooze.

That's ooze.

Yeah.

Ninja Turtle ooze.

Did I eat it?

Yeah.

I ate it. You know what they put in my hamburger?

Huh.

You know how you go to Mexican restaurants in LA

and they have those carrots?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're pickled,

which are delicious, by the way.

Yeah, they're very good.

In terms of Mexican, right,

things that they've invented.

Not on a hamburger.

Not on a hamburger. Not on a hamburger.
But let me see, in terms of the things, let's celebrate Mexico. Let's talk about the things that they have given us.
Yeah. This planet.
Yeah. I think this is a great segment.
Okay. Let's give it up for Mexico.
El mariachi. Mariachi.
Right. What a great instrument.
What great outfits. Tacos.
Tacos is a huge one. My bad.
I love tacos. That could be number bad I love tacos That could be number one dude That might be number one Yeah yeah Well burritos and tacos Are hand in hand Yeah yeah That's a great noise In terms of noises Is one of the best Like arbitrary Random Things that you could say In a celebratory Environment You know what my best noise is that they gave us? What?

That's such a good... Right.

It's a car starting.

And this is just the bass beat.

Such a great foundation

because you can put horns on top.

You can put horns like that.

And then do one of your noises.

Right. Number one hit.
La Bamba, man. Will you shake it for a second while I do that? I had a dream too, Richie.
You remember that? La Bamba? La Bamba. That poor fucking cartoonist.
The brother. Anyway, my point is that let's talk about Mexico more.
Wait, hold on. I want to do this.
Let's guess words. Andres, tell us a word and we'll try to guess what it is in Spanish.
Or vice versa. Give us a Spanish word.
We'll try to guess what that means in English. I'll start.
I'll give you one. No, let him do it.
Playa? I know what it is. Playground.
Close. Playa.
I know it. It's like...
A court. Like a little court.
Like an area of land. We're very close to it.
Jungle. Plateau.
With the water. Forest.
Beach. Yes.
Playas beach? Yes. Fuck, we should definitely know that one.
This place is called Playa something. Yes.
I didn't know that. I didn't know that either.
Okay, an easy one. Let's go to the Playa.
Jungla. What? Say it again.
Jungla. Jungla.
That's jungle. That was too close.
Give us something way out of the... In fact, George, if you have one, whisper it to him.
Wait, wait. Can I just ask another question? So, Hungla is spelled...
Jungle. Like jungle, right? This is what I want to know about language.
Okay? No, let me ask you about language. No, I know.
Watch... Yeah.
All right. Watch us do an ad read for Babel right now.
All right. So in English, obviously English, it's jungle, right? Yeah.
So at some point did the languages mix and they took jungle and they just said, let's just not create a word for jungle. Let's just say it differently.
We gave a history. You know, Latin, right? You know, things are derived from Latin.
Well, that's the chain of thought. I don't know.
You already know. You know the answer.
That's true. Give me another word.
Give him another word. All right, here's one that always messed me up in Argentina.
Okay. Lojroling.
Say it again? Lojroling. Lojroling.
Do you know what that is, Andres? Lojrole. Can you spell the word? Can you spell the word, please? L-O-S.
R-O-L-L-I-N-G. Los Roling.
Yes. It spells Los Roling.
Usually in the context of- Is that what you do on X to see when you're down there? Los Roling. Te gusta Los Roling.
I am Los Roling. Do you like Los Roling? I am Los Roling on MDMA.
What is Los Roling, you think? Los Roling. Come on, Bob.
I don't know, but... I know.
When I hear it, it makes sense to me.

I want to create a word right now, though. Is it a product?

Can I create a word right now?

Is it an action or a verb?

The rolling stones.

What?

I said the same thing.

The rolling stones.

The word is...

The most confusing things are like when they're saying things in English.

Yeah.

Do you like Los Beatles?

The Beatles, yeah.

Los Beatles.

Los rolling. That's the rolling stones? It's just the Rolling.
Rem. R-E-M is Rem.
So stupid. That's so funny.
I created a word. Yes.
What is a word? So a long time ago, the word is Alono. Say it again? Alono.
Spell the word. It's like Alono.
A-L-O-N-O. It's what you are all the time? No.
Alono? So when my father used to take me to, in high school, or in middle school, he used to take me to Korea town in L.A. And we would go to spas.
Yeah. And in Korean spas, there's a lot of old Korean men there, and they get naked.
Yeah. And they do stretches.
Yeah. And one day, my dad was stretching, and I saw an area of his body that I wasn't meant to see.
His butthole? No. Close, though.
His, like, the undercarriage, like, between his butthole and his taint? And what do they call it? The taint. Taint, or Nifkin, or Gooch, or Grundle but all my dad's taint though was one, I'm not lying.
Oh my God. Skin tag.
One, and I used to call it Alono. As a kid, I used to call it Alono.
Alono. Did he know that? And Alono would say stuff to me in my mind.
What? In the middle of the night? No, just if I saw him at the spa, I could hear him go, help.

Or, right?

I scared.

I scared.

Yeah, yeah.

He's darkened here.

And I always want to go, well, why don't you just move up to the neck with the other skin tags?

Get up there.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean?

Why go down there in the darkest, saddest place?

Well, that's where they start.

And if they have enough passion to drive.

Yeah, he's a lazy.

He didn't crawl up the...

Lazy alono.

A lazy alono.

What's the word lazy in Spanish?

Pago.

Pago?

Pago alono?

Yeah.

Pago alono.

So a little skin tag alono.

Why?

Do you have skin tags?

From your dad?

Yeah, yeah.

There's one on your neck, right?

Thank you.

No, no, no.

I have them.

I have them under my armpit. You're welcome.
Are you going to get them on your face? Did your dad yeah yeah there's one on your neck right thank you no no i have them i

have them under my armpit you're welcome and you're gonna get them under your face on your face did your dad have them on his face yeah because some koreans have them on their face i almost asked the um when they were cremating my dad like that one is to keep alone oh would that be no can you suggest that like at 100 when they're doing the body and go hey how do you say like you're the

what do you call them?

I'm a- Mortician? Mortician. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, go ahead. Hey, yo, my dad.
I know you. I know.
God bless. I'm so sorry about your father.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're doing the- The amount of feces that were still left inside his intestines was insane. Yeah, he's a poo master.
Larger than we've- He was a poo master. It was insane.
All right. We did clean him out though.
He's a poo master. He's a poo master.
Yeah master yeah did you clean him out it took us about an hour and a half that's fine do whatever you want by the way because we're closing that sucker anything yeah yeah but Mike we can do whatever we want to the body yeah but FYI FYI right yeah I don't know if you know it's just fine you know what I mean but did you do some of the back work on his back yeah of course do Of course. Do you do below the back? His tush? Yeah.
I did his tush. Yeah.
Did you open? Sure did. You have to open, right? Yeah, I opened it wide up.
Did you see Ilono? Are you talking about the sole skin tag down there? Yeah. We kept it.
Did you really? Mike, bring out Ilono! Yeah, yeah. We have it.
Oh, that's amazing. Do you want it? What if Alona, for some reason, once you detach them, he becomes a human.
He's like growing. He has legs.
And he comes like, hey, buddy. Do you have all of your dad still? I have his ashes, yeah.
Are you going to dump him somewhere? No. Really? Do you think they're happier that way? I think it's to be dumped.

Hmm.

Don't you think it's to be dumped?

Here's the reason why.

You dump them in a place that they loved.

My dad didn't love anywhere.

That's the problem.

Honestly.

You know what?

There's not a place.

You know what your dad would love?

If we hit you with his ashes.

That's hilarious.

It would make him feel at home.

Right?

Yeah. Like he's in heaven probably going, something going on I feel good we put him in a sock and we just hit you with it and he looks down and his spirit is his spirit is like a fucking warrior I would love that you want to talk about the movie yeah okay so fine let's announce to the fans we're doing here it is we're...
Here it is. We're doing The Bottom of the Turtle Island in Spain.
For real. We're going to do it for real.
Yep. We're putting together everything we need to put together.
Yeah. And we're going to actually try to do it.
Are you excited, fans? Fancy's going to direct. Very excited.
Do we trust him? Can you do it? I can do it. But have you seen anything that he's directed? Did you watch his movie? Well, he did strike me in a sketch.
He was i remember pretty good yeah really good i mean yeah all right i love you of all the guys okay but i love your friend coming to your fucking defense that was nice of all the guys that you of all the guys that you guys went to school with do you think he's one of the top tier guys that you went to school with truly yeah wow and his skill set by far the highest is directing yeah the highest of his skill sets is directing or no? Yes. Yeah? And then- What's the highest of your skill set, George? Producing.
Producing. Do you think George is a good producer? I think he's a great producer.
He really is. He really is.
I'll tell you why. And I don't like giving him credit.
Can I tell you why, though? And you know why I don't like giving him credit? Yeah. Because he gets it a lot.
He has a lot of people going, George, you did great.

By the way, he's got no fans down here.

It's amazing. The amount of fans that have said hi to Fancy B.

He makes me say every time they yell Fancy,

he makes me say, like, he made me.

He made me.

The amount of fans that have been like, Fancy.

And then they go, look, George is here.

And they go, hey, George, Fancy.

Have you heard of what a Q rating is? No. So a Q rating.
Let's hold for a wagon. What is that? What the fuck is that? Wait, a Q rating? Like, Q rating.
No, Q rating. Q rating.
Oh, Q rating. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, go ahead. So basically in television shows where they test people, right? And over the years, you know, like if you see a guy on a pilot or he gets a sitcom that gets canceled really quick, his Q rating goes up the next time he gets a thing.
Basically, it's like test results. Correct.
Right? And your Q rating is so much more advanced than George's. Wow.
In terms of likability. It's a scientific

tested fact. It's a fact.

This is objective. And it has to do with

his size. It has to do with his

voice. It has to do with his

weaselness. It's very like

it's like a cartoony

Disney rat.

Yeah. Like a

singing rat that comes in a tuxedo.

Yeah.

Exactly.

We have to shoot an episode

I'm sorry. yeah yeah i mean like a singing rat comes in a tuxedo yeah yeah exactly we have to shoot an episode yeah yeah he's a little singing rat that pops up there's always like a spotlight when he's on the cartoon right he does a funny thing the kids love it they love it look at the loser they say that out loud in the theater which is the parents are like oh you're loud we gotta we gotta give compliment though.
He's been getting, it's been bad in the Cancun. Oh, really? No one's come up to him and said hi.
Who? George, nobody said hi. I'll give George a compliment.
Just one small one. Nobody said hi.
Dude, people are celebrating Fancy B, taking pictures. George, have you taken any photos with anybody? I jumped in like behind Andres once.
He jumped in a photo. He had to jump in somebody else's photo.
I think they framed me out. How many photos have you taken, Fancy? Be genuine.
Be genuine. A few.
A few. Well, he did something because I've been observing him.
And outside the show, before we started, he was outside. You notice he was never inside the tent.
He was always outside. I noticed.
And if you could look at his hands, you could see an invisible fishing rod.

Oh. And he was fishing for compliments out there.

I'll tell you, we should tell the audience

this is something that's never going to get seen.

It was so sad to see this. Sad.
This is what I saw.

Right? Him go,

right? And he's

just out there. Click, click, click.

And everyone's like, that's a swimming pool.

There's nothing in there. Trust me.
He was fishing. But he was out there fishing for hours.
It was really sad. And you know what's so funny? When he introduced us, he went out there beforehand to turn on the cameras.
George is already out there. I know what that is.
Just so they go, fancy. They lost it.
And I said, fancy, what are you doing? He goes, I have to turn on that camera. And I said, isn't George out there? And he goes, yeah, but I have to.

George was out there?

Yeah, George was already out there.

It's so weird.

I didn't think he was out there.

Didn't hear one person.

No one said anything.

No one said anything.

Hola.

Bien, bien.

Que tal, amigos.

Love and work with one.

That's right.

It's beautiful.

No. No.
It's serious. Well, we're not the dickless.
Andreas, give her a round of applause. Get up, I see.
Hey, guys. Hey.
Come on! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! My legs are shaking! Thank you all for coming to Mexico to see us.

It's our first show live ever.

We're very excited.

I didn't realize you guys were here to see me.

Thank you.

So, without parting of you, let's introduce the stars of Bad Friends, Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. Canada dry, it's never been more dry dry Bobby had a can of Canada dry And we decided to make a little song about it We moved inside because the sun got way Too hot Canada dry It's never been more dry That's our early 2000s When was that? Was that early 2000s? Yeah.
Like 182 and all that stuff? Yeah.

All the small things.

Those guys made some really good hits though.

They did and they're all

from my area.

They're from San Diego.

From Poway specifically.

Yeah, they went to high school

with you.

What?

They went to high school

with you.

Didn't know them specifically

but you know,

they did historically.

What's going on?

What's going on, man?

What is going on?

What is going on? So, are you going to come swimming with me in the ocean or not, for real? You know, because you said there were penguins... What was it? Penguins in the ocean? No, you said some sort of animal.
Yeah, there's penguins out there. No, no, what kind of animal was it? Tortoises? No, we saw a stingray today.
That's the one. That's the one that killed the Englishman? That killed Steve Irwin.
Is he English? He's Australian. You know what I'm talking about? Same and same Gouged out Right through his body Right through his butt Gouged his shit out Kind of cool I know That's why I will not be going Oh dude we swam up to We touched it I'm not as qualified As the Englishman Steve Irwin Clearly he wasn't either My point is Is that He's a professional And he got gouged out what I'm asking you I think it's a manta ray There's a big difference Say it right Hey hey hey Manta ray Stingray and manta ray They're two different things You fucktard No this was a stingray Never mind You can't say that? You can't say fucktard? Yeah can I will No this was a stingray And I did This was this This was a stingray Yeah so no I will not be going Yeah but check it Okay check it out If I get gouged out You promise me I won't get gouged out? Promise on our friendship You won't Alright but if I do what do I get? A new casket No no no If I get attacked And get gouged out by one of those little muskrats, right? Yeah.
What will I get? 10 grand cash. I'll give you 10 grand.
Okay, so tomorrow... Tomorrow we're swimming.
I'm going to be fucking with them then. No, that's not the deal.
Yeah. Hold on, hold on.
I want the 10 grand. Are all stingrays deadly? No, there's no way.

Stingrays are flat disc-shaped creatures with fins.

I don't know what they are. Don't talk to me like I'm a child.

Generally aren't dangerous. In fact, they have a reputation for being gentle.
See, they call them

puppies of the sea. You've never heard of that before?

I love the puppies of the sea, but my point

is that knowing me,

I don't know how they lay.

If they lay on their side.

No, no.

Do they lay on their backs? And they lay on their side. No, no, no.
And look, that's what you look like. Do they lay on their backs and they put their little...
Look. Like stingers, do they lay when they sleep? Well, no, their backs are up.
When they swim and they sleep and then they settle down to the bottom of the... I don't think they ever go on their back and look up.
They can't close their eyes and just go, look at my dick. Well, they don't.
They don't have dicks? They don't have dicks. Oh.
Wait, do stingrays have penises? Yeah, well, Google that. That's more important.
Stingrays harbor these... And we'll figure out a way to make it gay, so...
Fatal sting... In a second.
So, you know what I mean? Fatal stingray attacks on humans that are exceedingly rare. Only two have been reported in Australian water since 1945.
Oh, that's so rare. Both victims were stung in the chest, just like Irwin.
It was extremely rare. Do stingrays have penises? That's the most important one.
Most important question by far. So how do you...
A sexual maturity male stingrays have external sexual organs called claspers, which are visible under the base of the tail. Oh, that seems aggressive.
They have claspers. Their penises fucking grab onto the vagina.
That felt so good. Want me to do it again? I'm a stingray.
Yeah, yeah. Ow! That's what he does.
He clasps it. Don't do it on my dick.
Sorry. Sorry.
I'll do it. Yeah.
That's crazy. They have claspers and what they do is.
So once it's in, it's in. They have two penis like organisms that lie within modified pelvic fins.
They have two dicks. Stingrays have double dicks.
Right. Double dicks.
How bad man. If we were stingrays, how mad would you be? If...
As a joke, I just clasped onto your butthole. See how I did that? Yeah, I knew what you were doing.
See how the angle? I was going to say how funny it would be if you were a Stingray and one of your penises was super huge and the other one was extremely small. And they made fun of you for not having two equal-sized penises.
Or you can do jokes like, my dad's half black and my mom's Asian. Yeah.
I'm a half-half. I'mray yeah i'm a i don't know i'm sure there's more better jokes eric griffin is our stingray friend yeah yeah yeah so if it's small right is that what you're saying what where's the calm where's the come at it comes out of their penis they have double They have two penises.
So it's like a two-on-one storage situation.

When one is tired, the other one goes to work.

Right.

Because our cum is in our sack, correct?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

It's not in the penis area.

It ends up in there at some point.

Yeah, it goes up there.

Okay, let me have a more specific question.

Yeah.

It takes the elevator and goes, coming up!

Yeah.

You know how sometimes, you know, you ejaculate?

And how good does that feel? This is a good end of the episode. Yeah.
You know how you ejaculate? I do know. Right.
And so then, you know, after you masturbate or you have sex with a woman or a man, whatever your thing is, and then you go, oh, I got to go pee. Right.
And then when you pee, it sprays like in 12 different areas. Funny.
Yeah. When you clogged up the hose.
Yeah. Everywhere.
Right. You don't give a fuck.
You just do the best you can. Yeah.
You'll clean it later. Well, I usually pee in the shower.
Oh, really? For that very reason. But it sprays.
So what that means is that there's some clogging going on. Clogination, yeah.
Clogination going on. Correct.
Right? So when does that go away? The clogging? Yeah. It eventually sprays away and then you're done are you still clogged are you still clogged no no have you been clogged for a long time for like six months what spraying we gotta go to the doctor is that what it is yeah we gotta go to the doctor i think my shit just dried like some sort of adhesive or some like like super Like super glue got on there? Cement.
Yeah, yeah. Well, maybe that's permanent.
Yeah. But it sprays in 50.
Is that a problem? Still. Yeah.
Like right now, if you go pee, it does that. 15 different areas.
And there's blood in the pee. That's fine, I think.
All right. I think that one's not a big deal.
You know what? If a third thing happens, then I'll go. Yeah.
Wait till the end. Wait till something really happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like a foot falls off.

Have you ever had blood in your pee?

Oh, yeah.

And in my poo.

I've had poop, blood in both areas.

This is gross.

Why?

It's just nasty.

But speaking of which,

what did you come to the door with this morning

when I said hello?

I knocked on the door.

Go ahead, you say.

I knocked on the door

and Bobby goes,

I'm in the bathroom.

And I go,

I clean your room. And he goes, no, no, no no no can i say from my point of view sure all right so this is from my point of view yeah right yeah i literally wake up and i get woken up how knock knock knock on the door no no i'm asking you how did i wake up why did what what was the thing that caused me to wake up? A phone call.
No, a poo. Oh, you had to shit.
Yeah. Yeah.
Right. Your body.
My body's like, your body, your choice. It's like a little, you know what I mean? In my mind.
Right. So my body just goes, right? I get to the edge of the bed.
Right like a robot And I do this If you had a fucking camera In the hotel room God please don't have a camera In the bathroom Right But you would see me Walk like a robot Right So I'm taking a poo Moss shit Right And as soon as The turtle's face Yeah comes of the little hole, I hear, Knock, knock, knock, knock. Housekeeping.
That was you, right? I went. No, I said, I got to clean the room.
I got to clean the room. I'm taking a shit, I said.
And then I go, it's okay. I got to clean.
Now, I don't know about you, but during the the day i have these events that i look forward to just to hear me out taking a shit is one of them taking a shit is one of them what's the other one the wind blowing in my face on the beach you hate the beach i know but i love it okay i love that part of it okay my point is is that um i was taking a poo one of my favorite things in the whole world. You interrupted me.
Correct. I was in a bad mood because I had nine

and I had

to do it. Good morning.
That was your good morning to me. Good morning.
Will you swim with me tomorrow though for real in the ocean with the mantle rays for sure you promise? yeah can you do me a favor? what George? get me toilet, not toilet paper get me um a bathing suit you didn't bring a bathing suit to the fucking resort I was in Hawaii too for a week I never bring it why? there's no need fancy? do you have a bathing suit to the fucking resort? I was in Hawaii too for a week. I never bring it in.
Why? There's no need, Fancy? Do you have a bathing suit? Fancy didn't bring a bathing suit. You didn't bring a bathing suit.
You're a loser. What do you mean you didn't bring a bathing suit? I need a medium bathing suit.
You came to work? I'll go buy it. I just don't know what to get in.
You came to work, George? He was getting trashed the last two nights. Came to work.
It's not going to happen. Canada Dry.
How did it go? It went... Canada Dry.
It's never been more dry. Oh, that's right.
That's it. We have a Rudy.
Didn't Rudy want to say something? Oh my God. Did you see the video? Hi to Bobby.
Hi to Andrew. Good luck in performing in the Just for Laughs crowd in Cancun.
I hope you have a good time.

I miss Andreas and George

already. And I hope

Jim Jeffries

will be a good Rudy

as a fill-in. Okay, bye!

Thank you for being a bad friend!

Here we go. What I want you got and it might be hard to handle.
What I want you've got in my big heart to handle. Dude, what are you doing? Give me the phone.
Lift up. Give me the phone.
I'm going to do it as Fancy B. Give me the phone right right now yeah i'm gonna do it and how fancy b does it right yeah what i want you've got and it might be hard to handle but i got a flame born's a candle it sounds dumb like a candle fears the flame no one's dancing what i've got is stock full of thoughts and dreams that's gotta we're gonna this is we both have to have to just our phones out.
Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.

That's fine.

All right, how about this?

Let me try one.

Yeah, too fancy.

No, I got what I'm going to do.

I just my own.

Okay.

What I want, you've got, it might be hard to handle.