Sneaky Goosh & Lazy Alono in Cancún

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Speaker 1 Thank you so much. So this guy right here, Andrew Santino, give him a round of applause.
Oh, thanks, man. Thanks, Bob.

Speaker 1 He's a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 All right? He's ugly. But anyway, I know he's not.
He's hot as fuck, okay? All right. I've sucked his dick three times.
Alright, alright. So, um, it's delicious.

Speaker 1 So, my point is: is that we didn't know what song it was, and we went in the woods over there. Is there a woods over there? There's no woods.
There isn't? Just a picture.

Speaker 1 We went in the darkness, the darkness, and we rehearsed it for the first time. So, excuse us.
So, you're getting it the first time, all right? It's the first time we've ever done this.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 1 Are you gonna help us sing? Josh asks must. Josh, help us sing.

Speaker 1 Must, must, must. Right?

Speaker 1 Are you guys ready to go? Are you guys ready to go?

Speaker 1 One, two, three, four.

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 What I want, you got it. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Hold on, hold on. You're too early.

Speaker 1 Now,

Speaker 1 we got it. But we fucking rehearsed this time.

Speaker 1 We got it. No, he stops and then you go.

Speaker 1 One more time. One, two, three, four.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Two more times.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you when.

Speaker 1 And I'll win. Fuck.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 What I want, you got the fight behind the candle.

Speaker 1 You play the burn the candle.

Speaker 1 The candle is a plane.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Stuck, old stock. I thought you dreamed that's better.

Speaker 1 And you put them all together.

Speaker 1 And I can't explain.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, well, well, you.

Speaker 1 You make my dreams come true

Speaker 1 You make my dreams come true

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting

Speaker 1 bad friends You have to take your clothes off

Speaker 1 Don't burn your cigarette on your shirt. Don't burn your shirt with your cigarette.
Hey, there's someone out of a burferedia.

Speaker 1 Okay? Cool boy.

Speaker 1 All the way or? Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 We can blur it. Go ahead.
No, no, we'll do it. We'll blur it.

Speaker 1 Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Come on in. Wow, it's so funny and so small.
Come on in.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's a no, it's not. It's nice.
It's actually kind of nice. It's so dark.
Your penis is the darkest penis I've ever seen in my entire life. Come here, real quick.
Let me see.

Speaker 1 Hey, look at this. Coming to you live from Cancun, Mexico.
We're here with Bobby Lee, sir.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Come on, it's so sleepy, pee-pee. He's so sleepy.
Come on, get in here. Let's get in the tub.

Speaker 1 This is definitely the intro.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm going to sit on the edge while my little nudie booty is down there.

Speaker 1 Hey, welcome to Cancun. I'm one of your hosts, Bobby Lee.
And we've got Andrew Santino.

Speaker 1 And this has been a disaster.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 welcome back to Bad Friends. Bob's in the tub and he's butt naked.
It's been a disaster. And it's been, no, it's been kind of fun.

Speaker 1 Well, aside from the fact that I experienced the worst show I've ever done in our life. Yeah, we did the worst show we've ever done in our entire life.

Speaker 1 You know, that was the worst show I've ever done. Poor Jim Jeffries.
At one point, Jim Jeffries turned to me and was like, I can't hear a fucking thing you saying.

Speaker 1 He couldn't hear anything we were saying. No, he looks at me at one point.
His face is sweating. Yeah, dripping sweat.
And he goes, Can we go? Wait, what is that? Can we go? Let me hear. Can we go?

Speaker 1 Can we go? Yeah, and I go. He's a cheeky little British boy.
Can we go? And I go,

Speaker 1 Let me get in the tub with you. Get out of here, man.

Speaker 1 This is going to be so bad for my back. Scoot back, please.
Go back over on that. I've never seen so much of you.
Lean it back against there.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 Put your penis, put your penis

Speaker 1 above your thighs, though, so it's poking up. Why? Because I want to see it.
Can you see it on the camera? I'm trying not to. Let me see.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Cute, right? Yeah. Pretty cute.
It's so funny to see your little shell just popping up.

Speaker 1 It's like a. When did it stop growing, do you think?

Speaker 1 Seven. Bro, bro.
Or eight. It's always been growing.
All right. You should see it.
I can't stop looking at it. You should have seen it.
It's 20 years ago. I can't stop looking at it.

Speaker 1 You know what it is? It looks like a skin tag. You know, when you're on the beach,

Speaker 1 you know, on the beach and you see like an animal emerging from the sand after the water washes over it, that's what that looks like.

Speaker 1 It pops up a little bit and then it goes right back down, goes right away. No, I feel like it deserves a shell.
It needs a shell. Yeah, yeah, it needs a little thing where it's protective layer.

Speaker 1 And when it pops up, just a little head, it's a little eye pokes through. Yeah, like that, right? And then it goes back down.

Speaker 1 Is he going,

Speaker 1 suck me, suck me?

Speaker 1 Or is he going, suck me, feed me? Oh, feed me. Oh, that's hot.
Right, but I don't think it absorbs. No, you can't, it doesn't actually eat.
Oh, can I have a theory? Have I talked about this before?

Speaker 1 I might have already. But I have a theory that men queef as well.
You've had air come out of your penis? Well, one night I was in the bathtub,

Speaker 1 and I hear

Speaker 1 that sound.

Speaker 1 And I realized that was a little bit of an air coming out of my peehole.

Speaker 1 So in theoretically, it's a queef, but it's coming out of a penis. And just because this doesn't make a lot of sound like a woman's queef does, women's are full-on.

Speaker 1 Here's an example of a woman's queef is like,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah. And mine's more like

Speaker 1 afterwards. So, we called it a poef.
A puiff.

Speaker 1 You want to call it? Pweef.

Speaker 1 I think I've come up with a new term. I've never done that.
Have you ever puefed, fancy? You don't know you're doing it because it's so small. I don't think I have.

Speaker 1 You don't think you have? You've never poifed? Yeah, I don't think I poof.

Speaker 1 I don't know if that's real, but I think it could just be your biology. Maybe it's a theoretical idea that probably isn't true.
But, you know, let's talk about Endor.

Speaker 1 Okay, so here's what happened. First of all, can you get a shout out there, George? Look what they put.
They put us, so many other people. Nikki Glazer got an oceanfront view.
We have the jungle.

Speaker 1 And zoom down if you can see down there. People are cutting as we're podcasting.
They are.

Speaker 1 Well, you can't.

Speaker 1 They're cutting.

Speaker 1 It's Mexican people doing what they do. They're just cutting away.
They just love it. As soon as they find, what are you looking at? What?

Speaker 1 As soon as they find a knife or scissors, they're like, I got to go to cut something.

Speaker 1 And they just got to go cut stuff. Bobby said that that was a reward.
I said, is that a punishment? And Bobby said, no, that's a reward for that.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know if you know this, but if you want to capture a Mexican, all you have to do is put...

Speaker 1 No, you just hear me out.

Speaker 1 All you have to do is build it like a little cage. Yeah.
Right. Oh, wow.
Right. And then you have a little trapdoor thing.
Right. I get that.
Right.

Speaker 1 And inside, just put a couple of scissors, like little

Speaker 1 Cheers, cheers, what they call them.

Speaker 1 Whackers, yeah, weed whackers. Yeah, and all of a sudden you hear tongue, the gate will close, and you have four of them.

Speaker 1 You'll get four of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What are we doing here? Yeah, what are we doing here? And they get scared, and all you have to do is give them a chimichanga. That's it, yeah.

Speaker 1 It relaxes them. Oh, they calm down.
Yeah, they love fried beef.

Speaker 1 They love it. It relaxes them.
And what you do is, comprende. Comprende, comprende, which means, do you understand, right?

Speaker 1 And they go,

Speaker 1 in their own way, I don't know Spanish, but in their own way, they're going, we've, we know that we've run into a Korean demon.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, when they know right away that they're going to be able to get it right away,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah. And let me tell you something.
Please don't. It's racist, what I just said.
It is, but please don't steal them. Please don't steal them.
It feels racist.

Speaker 1 Well, remind the fans not to steal a Mexican. Please don't steal it.
Don't steal the Mexicans. No.
No.

Speaker 1 It's just something to do. That's like a sign they would have at the border.
Please don't steal the Mexicans. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But But if you notice out here, this is where they shot Endor.

Speaker 1 I keep saying that. No, it really is.

Speaker 1 Wait, really? Yeah. No.
Yeah, they shot Endor in Cancun? Not in Cancun, but in this area. In this area? I just made that.
Speakers made that up. Oh, I know you did.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Cancun, last night we were happy to know that we did a couple of shows.

Speaker 1 We can cut to the tape right now of us bombing with Jim Jeffries. You'll see some of this right now.
Here you go.

Speaker 1 I masturbate.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 And I get really lonely, you know? So when I masturbate, I grab my own ass.

Speaker 1 That was it? Yeah, I should write more.

Speaker 1 I should write more. Look, that joke crushed.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was a killer.

Speaker 1 I have another one. Give me another shot.
Please try one more time. I have another shot.
I have another, all right? So my mom was a Jehovah's Witness.

Speaker 1 You guys know that? Did you know that? My mom was a Jehovah's Witness? Say it to me. My mom was was a Jehovah's Witness.
Your mom was a Jehovah's Witness, yeah. You guys know that, right?

Speaker 1 His mother's a Jehovah's Witness. Is that what's happening? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can I translate the jokes for the Australian people?

Speaker 1 Let me finish the fucking joke. Okay.
So then my mom used to knock on my bedroom door, and I'd go, what do you want, mom? She'd go, just practicing.

Speaker 1 Crushed.

Speaker 1 Crushed.

Speaker 1 Pretty good joke.

Speaker 1 Clean, too. When was the last time you did that joke? 20 years ago.
20 years ago? Who's that five seconds ago?

Speaker 1 You do a joke that you used to do. 20 years ago?

Speaker 1 Every time, I'll sit down.

Speaker 1 You don't boss me around.

Speaker 1 I flew here for you, okay? okay?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'll

Speaker 1 stay in the horizon for a morning. Two Jews.

Speaker 1 20 years ago joke.

Speaker 1 One of my first jokes was,

Speaker 1 oh, I saw a sign. I saw a sign, a girl holding a sign that says...
Start over. Start over.
Is that it? Start over. It wasn't clear.
Start over. And more energy because you're doing a joke.

Speaker 1 This is a show.

Speaker 1 So a little energy, all right? Everybody, Anderson, Tina! Woo!

Speaker 1 Make it good.

Speaker 1 I saw a girl holding a sign, and it said, make love, not war. Which is weird because every time I make love, it's just like war.
There's a lot of destruction, a lot of death,

Speaker 1 and money is usually owed.

Speaker 1 It's a prostitute, an old prostitute joke. Pretty good.
It's one of my first jokes. Pretty good joke.

Speaker 1 Jim, can you do a bad joke you did from back in the day? He doesn't want to do it. He doesn't have any bad jokes.
I can't think of any. No, I have bad joke.

Speaker 1 I can't remember any of my stuff from 20 years ago. That was like one of the first shitty jokes that I wrote, and I remember it actually did good enough in Open Mics where I was like, all right.

Speaker 1 I can remember one bit I used to do for my first ever set, but it's not. Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 1 It's not good. It was from

Speaker 1 my first set, so it's not.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come on.

Speaker 1 Come on, baby. Come on, baby.

Speaker 1 I remember how it goes.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I used to be obsessed with doing like religious jokes. I probably watched too much Bill Hicks or some shit like that.
So

Speaker 1 this is what I had.

Speaker 1 I was like, Jesus, right?

Speaker 1 He didn't know he was Jesus until he was 30 he died at 33 for the first 30 years he did fucking nothing and then when he turned 30 he started doing miracles and shit for the last three years and then he died surely his mother would have said something

Speaker 1 she would have gone I was artificially inseminated by an angel you should check on that maybe that was

Speaker 1 But he worked as a carpenter up until then. Maybe it wasn't his fault.
Maybe his dad set him down and said, Look, it's good that you've got and all that,

Speaker 1 but maybe you should get yourself a trade first, something to fall back on.

Speaker 1 And I go,

Speaker 1 Now there's an ending, hold on.

Speaker 1 And I go, It would have been weird every time he was talking to like a thousand people, there always would have been one cup the back going, Isn't that the bloke that built my gazebo?

Speaker 1 Yeah, baby.

Speaker 1 Very good. That was a good joke.
That would be fun. Andreas, your turn.
Andreas. Andreas, everybody.

Speaker 1 Andreas, everybody.

Speaker 1 Get over here.

Speaker 1 Ladies and gentlemen, he's been practicing for six months.

Speaker 1 He's got great jokes, man.

Speaker 1 One more time. I don't know his last name.
Andreas, everybody.

Speaker 1 Come on, fans! Come on, fans!

Speaker 1 They enjoyed torturing me.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 little stand-up comedy tip, untuck your trouser from your sock. That throws the audience off.

Speaker 1 Yeah, or make a match. That's much better, like you're meant to do it.

Speaker 1 Bobby's

Speaker 1 Do the joke fans. Okay, here we go.
Alright. A really piecey joke.

Speaker 1 What do you call

Speaker 1 a ching? A fat chick. A fat chink.
What do you call a fat ching?

Speaker 1 Did he say fat chick?

Speaker 1 What do you call a fat chick?

Speaker 1 What do you call a fat chick? Yeah, I feel like you call a fat chick What do you call a fat chick? Chunk.

Speaker 1 Chunk.

Speaker 1 What? Chunk?

Speaker 1 Chunk. Andreas, give him a round of applause.

Speaker 1 Also,

Speaker 1 last night in Cancun,

Speaker 1 Cartel stormed a resort and shot two people and killed them. Do you know this?

Speaker 1 That's hearsay. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 That's right-wing media. It's trending on Twitter.
Right-wing media, dude. It's hearsay.
Oh, is that fake news? I don't know. Let me ask you something right now.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And with your little orange eyes. Yeah.
Right. Do you see any other hotels around here? No.
Well, then you put two and two together. It didn't happen.
Fake news. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What happened in that little house over there? Yeah, that little tiny hut down there. My point is this.
Did it really happen? Yeah. Two people got killed.
But you know, it's 30 minutes north.

Speaker 1 What I loved about what happened last night is you had to tell the organizer last night in the right

Speaker 1 place. The information, you go, yeah, did you know that in the result afterwards? There's a fucking stand down.
There's fucking fighting, people dying. And he was

Speaker 1 like, freaking out. He was like, oh, really? Yeah.
And he could tell in his mind, like, what do I do? Because I even said to him, I was like, I'm going to get on a flight and go home.

Speaker 1 And he was like, why did you say that? Because I get uppity and puppety when I get to it. You were really, I've never seen you

Speaker 1 so sad. Yeah, because we bombed.
After a shit. We ate shit.
We ate shit. I never bombed with you before like that in my mind.

Speaker 1 No, because it was just, we couldn't do do anything. We couldn't hear each other.
The crowd was like, it was, there was 600 people, something like that. And it was, the ceilings were 30 feet high.

Speaker 1 Oh, I couldn't hear anything. Honestly, five minutes in,

Speaker 1 I had that feeling of like,

Speaker 1 oh, this is going to be the worst human experience of my life. We panicked.
That was terrible. I was really, he may never talk to us again.
He won't. He actually told me.
He's like,

Speaker 1 I feel that. It felt like

Speaker 1 we're never going to see him again. Yeah, but it's okay.
That's fine. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Although I brought up the Brad Pitt thing.

Speaker 1 Did you hear me say that? Yeah. What do you mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So one time I was with Jim in Canada, and Brad Pitt kept texting him.

Speaker 1 And I just thought that was really cool that he knew him. It is cool.
Don't you think that's cool? It is. What's the biggest one you know? The biggest celebrity I know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe fancy.

Speaker 1 Fancy might be the most. By the way, you know how fancy.

Speaker 1 Can I rub my dick against against your leg? Do you know how famous this guy is in Mexico? Fancy. Everyone is stopping him.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. It feels so gross.

Speaker 1 It's so gross. Your wiener on my ankle?

Speaker 1 What's falling off? Is that dirt falling off? It's gusts. Not dirt.

Speaker 1 But, but, dude, go. Does this help? But, dude, this is like...
If my leg gets infected with something, I'm going to be so upset. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This feels like a girl. Like Bobby's left foot.

Speaker 1 Yeah. This, yeah.
This reminds me I'm making love to Tanya Lee. Tanya Lee Harding.

Speaker 1 What? What is Tanya Lee Lee Harding? You mean you mean

Speaker 1 Tanya Harding?

Speaker 1 This is so uncomfortable. I'll just keep going.
By the way, look at look.

Speaker 1 Can you put, hey, put my big toe up near your penis and see which one's bigger? Oh my god, my big toe is bigger. It's not bigger.
My big toe is bigger. Yes, it is bigger, dude.
That's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Sit back a little bit.

Speaker 1 Your body is beautiful. It's like a little round.

Speaker 1 It's like a little little yellow egg. Yeah.
It's like

Speaker 1 when you get to my age

Speaker 1 and you look in the mirror,

Speaker 1 you just don't care anymore. Why don't you care anymore? You're 50 and you're like,

Speaker 1 it's like, let's suppose I'm single again,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 I feel like I'd still be able to maybe swing some.

Speaker 1 No, honestly, you don't think? Maybe. No, no, no, be on.
You think that if I was single, I wouldn't be able to get a girl? I think you would know they'd okay.

Speaker 1 you honestly think that I would not.

Speaker 1 What scale are you looking at? Like, what number? On the number scale of 0 to 10, for real?

Speaker 1 What kind of woman do you think you get at this point in your life and your career? Well, I'm not leaving Kalila, so let's just say. No, you just did a hypothetical.
If you were single.

Speaker 1 But hypothetically, right? What kind of girl? I think that I could probably do...

Speaker 1 What do you mean, number-wise? Yes.

Speaker 1 Don't say that. I kind of want to do it just to prove you wrong.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I think I can do a nine. No way.

Speaker 1 Nothing over eight. It's Kalila an eight then?

Speaker 1 No, we're talking about the future race. No, but what is Kalila now? Well, that's you to judge, not me.
What did you judge? A 10. A 10? Pandering.
He's pandering. He's pandering.

Speaker 1 What about you, George? A 10. 6 and 10.
What about 10? 6, 5 and 1, 6 and a half. I am more toward.

Speaker 1 No, she's

Speaker 1 the best.

Speaker 1 In the future, we're talking about in the future, if you're trying to get something new, you're getting nothing above an eight. No chance.

Speaker 1 And all this is doing is having someone that we know the fans are going to go, I'm a nine and I would date Bobby. That's what's going to happen now.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, with the depreciation of the coin here in Mexico, maybe he can get a 10.

Speaker 1 This is the problem. Once you bring him down here, he starts soaking up some of his old ways.
Yeah, I don't like that. I don't.
That's yeah, that's the old way. Once you bring me down here,

Speaker 1 a fancy business.

Speaker 1 Old proverbs come out. I don't like it.
Oh my god, we did this last. So we went to dinner the first night.
Me, George, and fans went to dinner, and fancy was wasted.

Speaker 1 We've got some video of him dancing. You guys can see.

Speaker 1 This is the thing that we learned. The Mexicans hate Fancy because he speaks with like uppity British accents.
That's why I can tell.

Speaker 1 And then honestly, the waiter came over, and every time he came over, Fancy goes, Mida, Mida, Mida, Mida, Mita, Mida, Mida, Mida.

Speaker 1 And the guy would bend down and he would roll his eyes, and Fancy didn't notice because he was shit-faced. But Fancy speaks with like a proper British accent, right? Down here, it's like cockney.

Speaker 1 Like, oh, you want another, yo, you want another cup of soup. But, and Fancy's like, yes, I'd like another cup of soup, please.

Speaker 1 He's way too uppity. The Mexicans hated it.
But I do love being, because we went to the Mexican restaurant last night, and knowing that you know the language, doesn't it feel better?

Speaker 1 Well, it makes me feel a little bit safer, but then I know they also don't like him.

Speaker 1 So then I know they don't, but at least we have communication. Something.
We have something there.

Speaker 1 Do you feel them judging you a little bit, Fance? A little bit. A little bit.
Yeah, yeah. How can you tell? Like, did they smirk at you a little bit when you...
Yeah, they rolled their eyes.

Speaker 1 Just imagine, dude, back in the day, dudes that look like him, they get off a boat. Here in Mexico.
In Mexico, right? Yeah, yeah. They have swords, probably.
Do you guys have swords back there?

Speaker 1 Swords and crosses. Swords and crosses and crosses, right?

Speaker 1 Jesus on the beach, right, with your glowy white skin.

Speaker 1 And you saw a brown person, and what you went haywire around. Get him! Get him.

Speaker 1 They're terrible people, the Spanish. Really? And then you guys

Speaker 1 shared your language with them? Yeah. Is that what that happened? Forced them to speak it.
Forced them to speak your language with your God.

Speaker 1 We call them giving culture. Giving culture.
That's what they call it. Yeah, he would, bigot.
And look at the woods out here. How much atrocity has happened? His people.

Speaker 1 Babies just tied to a tree. Why would you tie the babies to the tree?

Speaker 1 Well, it was like a landmark because that's how they know to get back to where they're going to be. Oh, really? That's like handling the baby.
Do they ask the babies or are they dead?

Speaker 1 They ask them and say, Do you mind us making you a landmark? Well, no, you have the babies tied to a tree. They're a landmark.
Do you go, hey, where's West? Over there, sir. I mean, do they talk?

Speaker 1 How about it this way? Yeah. Anyway, why did you do those to the people back then? I think it was just a way to connect with...

Speaker 1 That was a way of doing that. There were no other ways.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, now we have social media now. We just go, but back then, dude,

Speaker 1 like their own way to connect. That was social media.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're poking as with a sword.
So it was like...

Speaker 1 So pillaging and raping and murdering,

Speaker 1 that was like a post for you guys? That's like an Instagram post? Yeah. Exactly.
How many likes did that get? The whole village was like, that's good. That's good.
That's good.

Speaker 1 And then they celebrated. These people were, I mean, I say Mexico over Spain, 100%.
Mexico is great. I love Mexico, man.
It's Burta.

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I hear it echoing in this tub. It sounds so nice.

Speaker 1 My nice voice. Your nice nice voice.

Speaker 1 Little boy. Little boy.

Speaker 1 Korean boy.

Speaker 1 What would be your life song if someone had if imagine if Frank Sinatra or someone like that was still alive and they sung a song about you? Yeah. How would it go?

Speaker 1 Like when he dedicated songs to like cities or people or women. Hello, San Diego.

Speaker 1 Little Korean boy is born. Beat, beat,

Speaker 1 beat him down

Speaker 1 with the golf club. Beat him down.
Molestation

Speaker 1 in your future. Is it slick? Is it slippery stuff?

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, here comes the drugs. The drugs are on your highway.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Molestation.

Speaker 1 Korean drugs. Drugs.
Korean boy. You got a sad future.
No,

Speaker 1 different genre what you're doing, I think. Oh, sorry.

Speaker 1 San Diego. Yeah, but what is that?

Speaker 1 Doesn't he talk about cities? Yeah, but Sinatra would be

Speaker 1 He doesn't talk about cities? Yeah, he does. Yeah, well, let's go back.
San Diego, USA.

Speaker 1 But do it in a Frank Sinatra. I know how to do it.
His rhythm. You start.

Speaker 1 You start.

Speaker 1 His rhythm was like... His rhythm was like.

Speaker 1 Remember the song One Singular Sensation? You know. One.

Speaker 1 Singular Sensation.

Speaker 1 Every little step you take.

Speaker 1 So listen to me. San Diego, California.
No, he would have gone.

Speaker 1 Frank would have gone. San Diego, what a town.
Yeah. Little Korean boy beaten around.
He's getting abused and molested. Thrown out a window.

Speaker 1 He contested. He takes it in his tush.
Hey.

Speaker 1 He's a dirty little gooshi-gush.

Speaker 1 Is it?

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did you just say a new racist term? Did I just make up a term? Gucci Gush? Gucci Goosh is a new racist term.
Is he? I want to say Gucci Goosh. I want to say this too.

Speaker 1 When it comes to racial terms,

Speaker 1 it literally goes chink.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Gucci goosh. Gucci goosh, yeah.
Gucci gooshi goose. To me, gooshi goosh hurts more than gook.
Hurts more than

Speaker 1 any of them. Yep, hurts more than any of them.
By the way, Gucci Gosh. Don't ever call me that.
You name your album Gucci Goosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 Gooshi Goosh. He's a little gooshy goosh.
He's a sneaky. Sneaky is always good.
He's a little sneaky goosh. A goosh.

Speaker 1 He's a sneaky goosh. Goosh is nice.
Yeah. It's G-O-O-S-H Goosh.
Sneaky goosh. Yeah, yeah.
Name your next special sneaky goosh. I will.
He's a little sneaky goosh.

Speaker 1 What about you? What if St. Frank Sinatra sang a song?

Speaker 1 Chicago, Chicago. He's a redhead from divorce and drugs and alcohol.
And then he was sad. Abused as a boy, beat up and bullied.
He's big old ears. Yeah.
Pale and thin as a rail.

Speaker 1 He's got pimples all over his face.

Speaker 1 Pimple all over his butt.

Speaker 1 Can you

Speaker 1 teach me how to rap? You want me to teach you how to rap? I've never learned how to rap. I really haven't.
All right. So, so, so.
I think I wrote one.

Speaker 1 My name is Bobby Lee. I'm the king of society.
I rap, I sing, I do it in variety.

Speaker 1 I wrote that.

Speaker 1 I wrote that when I was a a kid. But that's like the 80s rap.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My name is Bobby Lee, King S.
Society. I rap, I sing, I do it in variety.
Oh,

Speaker 1 and then they raise the roof, right? Well, they don't do that anymore. Back in the day, though.
Back in the day, they sometimes did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But don't you understand that the rap you're doing is like this? That was like cool in the gang when it was like

Speaker 1 dot, but

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. It's like, I love music.

Speaker 1 But you don't love rap.

Speaker 1 Hear me out. It's because of the black people.
You don't like the black people, and that's what it it is. Name a black artist that you like right now.
Go. Fast.
Smalls. Smalls? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Who is that? Biggie Smalls. He's dead.

Speaker 1 Give him someone that's current.

Speaker 1 That's a Chupac. Chupac.

Speaker 1 Shupak Shu Shukor. Shupak Shukor.
In Korean.

Speaker 1 Shupac. Shupac is here.
Shupac.

Speaker 1 Are you guys listening?

Speaker 1 Briggy Shupac. Biggie Shukako.
Briggie and Shupac. Battle.
No, because back in the day,

Speaker 1 when my brother was into hip-hop, I would like he would. He still is.
He'd love to. I know.

Speaker 1 Me me and him talking like you know when jurassic 5 came out i went that album you know i mean i mean there were certain albums mark seven but it's been so long

Speaker 1 since somebody has said you should check out this new hip-hop album that i kind of lost my way i want to like i i was into like tribe called quest back in the day i loved you know de la soul like those types of that type of rap

Speaker 1 but it i just have lost my way it has nothing to do with anything culturally or anything like that yeah it's just you know i want to learn not to stop no but you know what but you just no one's suggesting i'll suggest a bunch of albums for you to listen to.

Speaker 1 I'll send you a bunch of stuff on Spotify. Can I be honest with you, too? You don't like it.
No, can I be completely in utterance? I know what it is.

Speaker 1 You don't want me to give you knowledge about something. No, that's not what it is.
And it's so funny that you say that because Kalila says that all the time. It drives me crazy.
What is it then?

Speaker 1 I don't trust your taste.

Speaker 1 I really don't. I honestly don't trust your taste.

Speaker 1 I've said musical taste.

Speaker 1 When it comes to movies, and when it comes to anything, arts, I don't listen to you. You have bad art taste.
I'm not, dude. I'm not saying that to start a fight with you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you are. I'm trying to be fucking honest with you and being fucking.
I'm being honest with you. Yeah, yeah.
I don't trust your taste. I don't trust your tastes.
And that's fine.

Speaker 1 We can still do our podcast. You just don't know anything about hip-hop, and so you're embarrassed if I teach you something.
It's embarrassing to you if I teach you about the culture. Wow.

Speaker 1 You know nothing about the culture. This is how I work.

Speaker 1 You barely work.

Speaker 1 Oh, you want to go there? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I definitely don't. But no, you're working much.

Speaker 1 Bobby's going back to Hawaii to do magnet PI, then he's going back to New York to do sex in the city. Then he's going back.
Can I tell you how I work? Oh, please. Can I tell you how I work? Please.

Speaker 1 Sorry for yelling. That's fine.

Speaker 1 Kali will be like,

Speaker 1 you should, like, two years ago, you should watch this movie. I'm sure it's good.
Oh, yeah. Right? Because once they say that it takes me a year to get around.
I understand that. Right.

Speaker 1 If I can discover something on my own, I'm generally more, you you know, on it.

Speaker 1 My teeth hurt so bad right now. Wait, why?

Speaker 1 Because I went to the dentist a month ago, and this side of my mouth, two teeth, were in really pain. Let me see.
Open your mouth real fast. No, no, not right now.

Speaker 1 Let me finish what I'm going to say. Let me see.

Speaker 1 Let me say it.

Speaker 1 Let me finish what I'm going to say. Okay.

Speaker 1 This side of the mouth now is beginning to really hurt. My bottom tooth, it's so sore.

Speaker 1 I have to drink, eat ibuprofen every hour.

Speaker 1 You know that's not good for you.

Speaker 1 For your liver.

Speaker 1 Why do we stayed in the pocket for too long, I think? No, it was good enough. Make a decision.
It was forgetting. Let's smoke it again.
No, I didn't. No,

Speaker 1 you're going to kiss me. We got to go back.
No, we're not. We got to go back in the pocket.
I have to make a different decision.

Speaker 1 You should have done it. All right, fuck.
I'll miss my opponent. But wait, Bob, you do know that your heart, your heart is your teeth.
You know, you can have a heart attack from having bad teeth.

Speaker 1 You know that? That's a real thing. Have you guys ever heard of this? If you have like infections in your mouth, it can cause heart disease.
I'm being 100%. Am I lying or am I telling the truth?

Speaker 1 What's the point? What can I do here in Mexico right now? Hold the mic, fans. Yeah, what can I do in Mexico right now? What do you mean? Yeah, am I going to have a heart attack?

Speaker 1 There's nothing I can do. I mean, when I get back into L.A.,

Speaker 1 let me feel your pulse. Don't touch my fucking body, dude.
I'm going to feel your pulse. All right.

Speaker 1 Feels good, huh?

Speaker 1 You know how I'm here. Ready? Count this.
George, you a timer on this pulse so we can see how high his blood pressure is. Ready? Hold on.
Up here. It's up here.
All right. You grab my dick.

Speaker 1 How? Well, stop. Ready? You're ready? Tell him to start.
Grab your dick. No, stop it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't do your pulse if you're grabbing my penis, Bob. Would you do this in the emergency room and be like, sir, you're dying? Doctor.
Maybe I am. All right.

Speaker 1 I'm training to be a doctor. You're going to squeeze your dick hard.
Yes, you are. I know what you're going to do.
You're going to pinch it.

Speaker 1 I need your pulse.

Speaker 1 I need your pulse. You're going to pinch it as hard as you can.
I'm not stupid. How about this? You can punch me in the face if I punch it too hard.
If I squeeze too hard. No.

Speaker 1 It's a really good test for a hard time. I don't buy it.
Well, you're going to have to. Because I've been down this road with you before.
I know.

Speaker 1 And it always goes the way that I know it's going to go. Can I have it another shot? No.

Speaker 1 I beg of you. Can I have another shot? No, no, no, thank you.
As a friend. No, thank you.
Well, you're not touching my fucking throat though. It's fine.

Speaker 1 Even Stephen, you just ruined the bit because you want to squeeze my fucking penis. The bit is funny if I stick my two fingers on your penis while you do it.
That's the bit what you're ignoring.

Speaker 1 They can't even see that, and it doesn't do anything. It makes it funny for you because you're going to end up punching my penis or flicking my penis.
Let's vote. Let's vote.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is a democracy, is it not?

Speaker 1 No, it's not. Yes, it is.
No, we're in Mexico. It's a vigilante.
That's four, right?

Speaker 1 Me pulsing Andrew's dick, raise your hand. We're pulsing Andrew's dick.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much. All right.
Three against one. Let's go.
Are you ready?

Speaker 1 I'm going to give you an example.

Speaker 1 I promise.

Speaker 1 I promise. I'm going to be so mad.
All right. I promise.
Ready?

Speaker 1 You get my ball. Do not tell me what territory I can find.
You get my ball.

Speaker 1 I want to conquer the territory I want to conquer. No, I don't.
No, no, no. I don't let you conquer my territory.

Speaker 1 I'm going to to fight. Dude, if I'm Magellan, I see an island, right? You can't be telling me what island to fuck side of the island.
Could you imagine you want a boat to find a new land?

Speaker 1 I'm not going to let you punch me in the penis.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, I won't. Just gentle.
Watch. Look at how gentle I'm going.
See?

Speaker 1 This is nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, George, ready?

Speaker 1 Stop laughing because we have to take your pulse. Stop calm.

Speaker 1 I know, stop. I'm wanting it to be real.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. And ready, George? And stop, I'm going to get hard.
Don't do that. Okay.
You want to start on the game? Yeah,

Speaker 1 start on one, two, three. One, two, three,

Speaker 1 four, five. Stop rubbing my penis.
Stop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, multiply that.
What does it multiply it? It was five seconds. So five beats, so a beat a second?

Speaker 1 Yeah, 60 beats a second. That's really good.
Really good. That's really good.
That's really good.

Speaker 1 That's like some of the best blood pressure I've ever heard.

Speaker 1 I know. And I was going to tell you that.
God, that's really good. But go ahead and test it.
No, we just tested it.

Speaker 1 What is that? You know what? What is that? no matter who's touching your penis man woman it doesn't matter it's gonna get hard if you rub the head

Speaker 1 it's gonna get hard if you rub the head i'm saying i don't think that's true i'm not attracted to you at all yeah i don't you start rubbing the head it's gonna get hard let's can we do a little science experiment

Speaker 1 let's do a little science experiment we have to do it on fancy all right on george rub george's penis and let him do it yeah yeah and see if he gets yeah george stand right here george get over here

Speaker 1 george stand right here Let's see if we can get you harder.

Speaker 1 And you have to rub the head of his penis like you did mine. Oh, I'm going to do it.
I'm going to be pro. You be pro.
Yeah, I'm going to be the wain professional of whatever this is.

Speaker 1 Hold on, one second. Hold on, hold on.
Let Fancy go see if he can see it. He's getting ready.
He's getting stacked up. George is getting so stacked up.
All right, we're ready to go. Yeah, ready?

Speaker 1 Okay, we're ready to go. For some reason, I have to loop my fingers.
100%. Yeah, yeah.
Yes, he does. Yes, he does.
Yes, he does. For some reason, I have to.
George, how else could it be?

Speaker 1 How else could it be? Yeah.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 All right. All right, hold on.
Here we go. Where is it right here? Yeah.
You feel it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is so gay. Yeah.
This feels gay. So what? But it feels it.
You're spitting on it.

Speaker 1 That's That's my bad. My bad.
Let me see. All right.
No, but do it soft. Do it soft.
I am. Do it soft.
Hands in the air. Don't put your hands in the air.
And it's 60 seconds. Don't close your eyes.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, let him do that. I like that.
Let him do that. That's funny to me.
When you close your eyes, it makes it. Let him close his eyes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, because he doesn't know.

Speaker 1 Don't visualize anyone else. He doesn't know who's doing it.
Don't visualize anyone else. All right, all right.
Okay, I'm going to start the timer. Look at though.
It's getting bigger.

Speaker 1 I'm going to start the timer. Can I notice? Do you notice? It's leaking.
Oh, my God. You're leaking.
It's leaking. All right, here we go.
I'm going to start the timer. 60 seconds.
Ready? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And go. Yeah, we get 59.
Yeah. 58.
How's it going? Seven. Oh, my God.
Oh, he's moving. Six.
It is looking at it. Five.
It's moving.

Speaker 1 Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
It's moving. Oh, my God.
It's moving.

Speaker 1 Oh, my George.

Speaker 1 George, it's thicker now than it was before.

Speaker 1 100%. 100%.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Oh, my God. Is this?

Speaker 1 Yeah, look at it.

Speaker 1 Look at it, dude. Look at it.
Look at it. Look at it.

Speaker 1 Look at it, go, baby. All right, get out of here.

Speaker 1 You're lost. Let me tell you something.
I physically watched it move. Me too.
Look at this. It went like this.
The head literally went like this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, we're reminded of me.

Speaker 1 It was escaping. It reminded me.
It was just I are astronauts where we find a new M-class planet.

Speaker 1 And we're going, should we get fucking the go-ahead from NASA? You're like, let's just go down. Let's just go.
We go down. We land smoothly, right? We see an animal.
That's what it looked like.

Speaker 1 That's it. I got something, a brand new kind of species.
Yeah. And we touch it and it goes like this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow, that was great.

Speaker 1 Hey, can you imagine if we go to a planet like that and there's little penises all over the place? Yeah. And we run out of food, we run out of food.
Okay, here we go again.

Speaker 1 What does everything have to do with every time you and I are together, it's homoerotic? It goes into some weird homoerotic place that I don't want to venture to. Okay.
I have Christian.

Speaker 1 I'm not a Christian. You're not.
But I have beliefs. Okay, what are your beliefs? I have Christian beliefs.
And what are they? Are you repressing something? Hollow Ghost? What's it called?

Speaker 1 The Hollow Ghost? Yeah, the Hollywood. Google.
The Hollow Ghost?

Speaker 1 Did I say Hollow Ghost? Oh, praise the Hollow Ghost. The Hollow Ghost, right? Yeah.
The Trinity is what I'm talking about. The Trinity is what? Give it to me.
It's Jesus Christ. No.
God-man. No.
What?

Speaker 1 Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. Holly Ghost.
The Hollow Ghost. The Hollow Ghost.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And so I believe in all those things. Did you guys have crosses in your house? Did your mom put up crosses? We didn't have a single.

Speaker 1 No. You did in your hallway? But my brother, you know, because you know my brother was

Speaker 1 a born-again christian in his in high school no yeah and he would cut out you know this he would cut out of bible verses and tape them to the wall yuck and it got to the point where his bedroom was from top to bottom bible verse whoa you mean like the guy from seven seven seven seven does he not have that anything like that anymore in him

Speaker 1 As soon as he lost state, God went away. I couldn't agree more.
If you lose state, you're like, I don't believe in God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
God went away.

Speaker 1 Were you religious, fans, when you were a kid? No, never. Never? Even with all that Spanish people.
I went to Catholic school, but I was the only one who didn't.

Speaker 1 So, in Catholic school in Spain, did they do the same thing to the boys that they do here in the United States? Is it different in Catholic school? No, it's the same thing, same rituals. Same rituals.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What about you, George? Oh, I grew up religious, super religious.
Yeah, you know what? You don't know that, right? No, I know, I do. I know, I know, I know.
I'm a Seventh-day Adventist.

Speaker 1 He's of that color.

Speaker 1 Were you ever touched by a priest? Yeah. No.
Were you ever touched by a a priest? Look at him, dude. No, no.
Look at George again.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. You can see it now.
I saw George.

Speaker 1 He's unfuckable.

Speaker 1 You think the priests were like that? Yeah, so look at him again, right? And with a straight face, Asko.

Speaker 1 With a straight face, Asko.

Speaker 1 And then George comes in the room.

Speaker 1 The priest is, oh,

Speaker 1 and George comes in. He's like, you wanted to see me? And he's like, hold.
Get out.

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Speaker 1 Are you seriously farting? I'm not farting right now. No.

Speaker 1 About maybe the

Speaker 1 fungal

Speaker 1 system in the forest. Do you know what kind of clouds those are? Those are

Speaker 1 hibiscus clouds. No.
Caused by raindrops. Nope.
Please don't ask me stuff like that right now. How do you not know what those are? What are they? Cumulus.
They're cumulative. They're all accumulative.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Those are nimbus.

Speaker 1 Anyway, let's not talk about nimbus. Let's not talk about that then.
I don't know much about it. Well, don't cut us off at the past when we were really rolling over there.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Just because we were talking about weird, uncomfortable stuff doesn't mean we can't talk about weird, uncomfortable stuff. I'd rather talk about penises, actually.
You're right.

Speaker 1 That's my number one go-to. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is that, though? We're fashionable.
My trouble pants. Is it my trouble past?

Speaker 1 Do you think that's why? You always pull pull it out? Yeah, you know, I've been thinking about lately why, because last night I got Naked.

Speaker 1 On stage. Yeah, so in my head, I'm like, what do I do to save this? The show, yeah.
When the show was going really awesome, I mean, going around,

Speaker 1 huh? Nudity is always my like

Speaker 1 escape pawn. Well, okay, here's the deal.
Here's what you did. I made the joke because we were called back to you taking off your shirt and giving your shirt away.

Speaker 1 So you gave your shirt away to a girl who aggressively came up and

Speaker 1 stole it. Can I say this? Yeah.
That's the second shirt you've given away of mine.

Speaker 1 Stop. It's because

Speaker 1 the shirts I'm wearing are like, you know what I mean,

Speaker 1 very expensive. Right.
When you give it away to an audience member, I feel guilty. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so, like, just gave away my favorite Bowie shirt. What did she give you in return? Nothing.
A tiger belly shirt. No, but yeah, but that's from his boy, her boyfriend.
One and the same.

Speaker 1 They came together with a mission in mind. They lost.
They make the tiger belly shirts. Well, then now you got one.
I made it back. You made it back.
I made my money back. You made your money back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I lost the fancy. Anyway, let's talk about it.
It's a full circle. It's a full circle.
So you gave away your shirt, which I'll never stop doing at live shows.

Speaker 1 In fact, be prepared when we do Bad Friends Live on the road next fall, you are going to give away a shirt in every city. Every city you're going to be.
I'm going to wear terrible shirts. Every city.

Speaker 1 No, you better wear cool shirts. No.
You have to. That's part of the game.
So I wear the coolest shirt that I have. And we have to give it away in every city.
Oh, fuck. It's so fun.
I don't like it.

Speaker 1 No, I love it because it gives the fans something to take. Why is the food so bad here? The food is pretty bad.
The food is pretty bad. I mean, it's like

Speaker 1 there were eggs and green salsa this morning. Yeah.
And I swear to God, it was ninja turtle colored. I was like, that's ooze.
That's ooze. Yeah.
Ninja turtle ooze. Did I eat it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what they put in my hamburger? Huh? You know how you go to Mexican restaurants in LA and they have those carrots? Oh, yeah, yeah. They're pickled, which are delicious.
Yeah, they're very good.

Speaker 1 In terms of Mexican

Speaker 1 things that they've invented. Not on a hamburger.

Speaker 1 Not on a hamburger. Not on a hamburger.
But let me say, in terms of the things, let's celebrate Mexico.

Speaker 1 Let's talk about the things that they have given us yeah this planet and then this is a great segment yeah let's give it up for mexico el mariachi mariache right what a great instrument and what great outfits tacos tacos is a huge one my bad i love that could be number one dude that might be number one yeah yeah well burritos and tacos are hand in hand yeah yeah

Speaker 1 that's a great noise

Speaker 1 in terms of noises ayay is one of the best like arbitrary random things that you could say in a celebratory environment. You know what my best noise is that they gave us? What?

Speaker 1 That's such a good, right?

Speaker 1 Right. It's a car starting.
And this is just the bass beat of bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bump, bum, bump, bump, bump.

Speaker 1 Such a great foundation. Because you could put horns on top.
You could put horns like tear.

Speaker 1 And then do one of your noises.

Speaker 1 And right number one hit.

Speaker 1 La Bamba.

Speaker 1 Will you shake it for a second while I do that? Just damn it. I had a dream too, Richie.

Speaker 1 You remember that? La Bamba? La Bamba. The poor fucking cartoonist.
The brother. Anyway, my point is that let's talk about Mexican more.
Wait, hold on. I want to do this.
Let's guess words that.

Speaker 1 Andres, tell us a word and we'll try to guess what it is in Spanish. Or vice versa, give us a Spanish word.
We'll try to guess what that means in English. I'll start.
I'll give you a

Speaker 1 let him do it. Playa?

Speaker 1 I know it is. Playground.

Speaker 1 Close.

Speaker 1 Playa.

Speaker 1 I know it. It's like a court, like, like a a

Speaker 1 area of land.

Speaker 1 We're very close to it. What? Jungle? Plateau.

Speaker 1 With the water. Forest.
A beach. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Playa's beach? Yes. Fuck, we should definitely know that one.
This place is called Playa something. Yes.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that. I didn't know that either.
Okay, an easy one. Let's go to the Playa.
What? Hungla. What? Say it again? Hungla.
Hungla? That's young. That's jungle.
That was too close.

Speaker 1 Give us something way out of the. Hungla? George, if you have one, whisper it to him.
Wait, wait, can I just ask another question? So, hungla is spelled jungle. Like jungle, right?

Speaker 1 This is what I want to know about language. Okay.

Speaker 1 No, let me ask you about language. No, I know.
Watch it. Yeah.
All right. Watch us do an ad read for Babel right now.
All right. So in English, obviously English, it's jungle, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So at some point, did the languages mix and they took jungle and they just said, let's just not create a word for jungle. Let's just say it differently.
We can give a history. You know Latin, right?

Speaker 1 You know, things are derived from Latin.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, that's the chain of thought. I don't know.
You already know. You know the answer.
That's true.

Speaker 1 Give me another word. Give them another word.
All right, here's one that always messed me up in Argentina. Okay.
Loch rolling. Who say it again? Loch rolling.
Loch. Do you know what roll, Andres?

Speaker 1 Loch role. Lochroll.
Can you spell the word?

Speaker 1 Can you spell the word, please?

Speaker 1 L-O-S. Loch.

Speaker 1 R-O-L-L-I-N-G. Loch rolling.
Yes. It spells los rolling.
Usually in the. Is that what you do on accessing when you're down there? Los Roling.

Speaker 1 I am losing rolling. Do you like los rolling? I am los rolling on MDMA.

Speaker 1 What is los rolling, you think? Los Roling.

Speaker 1 Come on, Bob. I don't know, but I know.
When I hear it, it makes sense to me. I want to create a word right now.
Is it a product?

Speaker 1 Can I create a word right now?

Speaker 1 Is it an action or a verb? The rolling stones.

Speaker 1 What? Are you the same thing? The rolling stones. They're still in the los rolling.
The most confusing things are like when they're saying things in English. Yeah.
Like, do you like los beatles?

Speaker 1 The Beatles, yeah, that is. The Beatles.
Los Beatles. Los Rolling.
That's the rolling stones. It's just the rolling.
Rem.

Speaker 1 R-E-M is REM. So stupid.
That's so funny. I created a word.
Yes. What is a word?

Speaker 1 So a long time ago,

Speaker 1 the word is alono. Say it again? Alono.
Spell the word?

Speaker 1 It's like A-L-O-N-O. It's what you are all the time? No.
Alono?

Speaker 1 So when my father used to take me to in high school or in middle school, he used to take me to Korea town in L.A., and we would go to spas. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 in Korean spas, there's a lot of old Korean men there, and they get naked and they do stretches. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And one day my dad was stretching, and I saw an area of his body that I wasn't meant to see.

Speaker 1 His butthole. No.

Speaker 1 Close, though.

Speaker 1 His like the undercare, like between his butthole and his out, his taint? And what do they call it? The taint is what I'm saying. Taint or Nifkin or Gucci.
Right.

Speaker 1 On my dad's taint, though, was one. I'm not laying.
Oh, my God. Skin tag.
Oh.

Speaker 1 One. And I used to call it Alono.

Speaker 1 As a kid, I used to call it Alono. Alono.

Speaker 1 Did he know that? And Alono would say stuff to me in my mind. In the middle of the night? No, just if I saw him at the spa, I could hear him go, help.

Speaker 1 Or,

Speaker 1 right? Ice scare. Ice scared.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah. He started.
I always want to go, well, why don't you just move up to the neck with the other skin tag? Get up there. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? Why go down there in the darkest, saddest place? Well, that's where they start. And if they have enough passion, he's lazy.
Yeah, he's a lazy. He didn't crawl up the lazi alono.

Speaker 1 A lazy alone. What's the word lazy in Spanish? Bago.
Bago? Pago. Bago alono? Bago.
Bago alono. So a little skin tag alono.
Why? Do you have skin tags?

Speaker 1 From your, like your dad? Yeah, yeah. There's one on your neck, right? Thank you.
No, no, no. I have them.
I have them under my armpit. You're welcome.

Speaker 1 And you're going to get them under your face, on your face? Does your dad have them on his face? Yeah, because some Koreans have them on their face.

Speaker 1 I almost asked when they were cremating my dad. Like that one.
Is to keep alono. Would that have been? Can you suggest that?

Speaker 1 100%. When they're doing the body, I go, hey, how do you say it?

Speaker 1 Like, you're the...

Speaker 1 What do you call him?

Speaker 1 I'm a

Speaker 1 mortician. Mortician.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, go ahead.
Hey, yo, my dad, I know.

Speaker 1 I know. God bless.
I'm so sorry about your father. Yeah.
Yeah, you're doing the. The amount of feces that were still left inside his intestines was insane.
Yeah, he's larger than we've either.

Speaker 1 He was a poo master. It was insane.
All right.

Speaker 1 We did clean him out, though. He's a poo master.
He's a poo master. Yeah, anyway.
Did you clean him out? It took us about an hour and a half.

Speaker 1 Do whatever you want, by the way, because we're closing that sucker. Anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, Mike, we can do whatever we want to the body.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But FYI.
FYI, right? Yeah. I don't know if you know.
It's fine. You know what I mean? But did you do some of the back work?

Speaker 1 On his back? Yeah. Of course.
Do you do below the back or?

Speaker 1 His tush? Yeah. I did his tush.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you open? Sure did.

Speaker 1 You have to open, right? Yeah, I opened it wide up. Did you see Alono?

Speaker 1 Are you talking about the

Speaker 1 soul skin tag down there?

Speaker 1 Yeah. We kept it.

Speaker 1 Did you really? Mike, bring out Alono. Yeah, yeah.
We have it. Oh, that's amazing.
Do you want it? What if Alono, for some reason, once you detach them, he becomes a human.

Speaker 1 He has legs. And he was like,

Speaker 1 hey, buddy. Do you have all of your dad still?

Speaker 1 I have his ashes, yeah. Are you going to dump them somewhere? No.
Really? Do you think they're happier that way? I think it's to be dumped.

Speaker 1 Hmm. Don't you think it's to be dumped? Here's the reason why.
You dump them in a place that they loved. My dad didn't love anywhere.

Speaker 1 That's a problem. Honestly.
You know what? There's not a place.

Speaker 1 You know what your dad would love if we hit you with his ashes?

Speaker 1 That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 It would make him feel at home, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, he's in heaven probably going, whoa,

Speaker 1 something going on. I feel good.

Speaker 1 We put him in a sock and we just hit you with it. And he looks down and his spirit is.
His spirit is like, he's like a fucking

Speaker 1 warrior.

Speaker 1 I would love that. You want to talk about the movie? Yeah.
Okay, so fine. Let's announce to the fans.
We're doing, here it is. We're doing The Bottom of Turtle Island in Spain.
Fancy V.

Speaker 1 We're going to do it for real.

Speaker 1 Yep. We're putting together everything we need to put together.
Yeah. And we're going to actually try to do it.
Are you excited, fans? Fancy's gonna direct. Very excited.
Do we trust him?

Speaker 1 Can you do it? I can do it. But have you seen anything that he's directed? Did you watch his movie? Well, he did scrape me in a sketch.
It was okay.

Speaker 1 I remember pretty good. Yeah.
Really good, I mean. He's a very good director.
All right. I love your director.

Speaker 1 I love your friend. Coming to your fucking defense.
That was nice.

Speaker 1 Of all the guys that you guys went to school with, do you think he's one of the top-tier guys that you went to school with? Truly. Yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And his skill set by far the highest is directing yeah the highest what the highest of his skill sets is directing or no yes yeah and then what's the highest what's the highest of your skill set george producing producing do you think george is a good producer i think he's a great producer he really is

Speaker 1 he really is

Speaker 1 and i don't like giving him credit i know can i tell you why and you know why i don't like him credit yeah because he gets it a lot

Speaker 1 He has a lot of people going, George, you do great. By the way, he's got no fans down here.
It's amazing. The amount of fans,

Speaker 1 the amount of fans that have said hi to fancy people.

Speaker 1 He makes me say every time they yell fancy, he makes me say like, he made me. He made me.
The amount of fans that have been like, fancy.

Speaker 1 And then I go, look at George's here. And they go, hey, George, fancy.

Speaker 1 Have you heard of what a Q rating is?

Speaker 1 No? So a Q rating, you know what?

Speaker 1 Let's hold for a wagon. What is that? What the fuck is that? Wait, of curating? Like, curating, put it in the future.
You have no Q rating. Q rating.
Oh, Q rating. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. So basically, in television shows, where they test people, right?

Speaker 1 And over the years, you know, like if you see a guy on a pilot or he gets a sitcom that gets canceled really quick, his cue rating goes up the next time he gets a thing.

Speaker 1 Basically, it's like test results. Correct.
Right.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 your cue rating is so much more advanced than George's. Wow.
In terms of likability. Whoa.
It's a scientific

Speaker 1 tested fact. It's a fact.

Speaker 1 And it has to do with his size. It has to do with his voice.
It has to do with his weaselness. It's very like, you know, it's like a cartoony Disney rat.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know what I mean? Like a singing rat that comes up with a tuxedo.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Exactly. We have to shoot an episode.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those guys.
That pops up. There's always like a spotlight when he's on the cartoon, right? He does a funny thing.
The kids love it.

Speaker 1 They love it. Look at the loser.
They say that out loud in the theater, which is the parents are like, oh, you're allowed.

Speaker 1 Because he is such a loser. We got to give him one compliment, though.
He's been getting, it's been bad on the Cancun. Really? No one's come up to him and said hi.
Who? George, nobody said hi.

Speaker 1 Oh, give George a compliment. Just one small one.
Nobody said hi. Dude, people are celebrating Fancy B, taking pictures.
George, have you taken any photos with anybody?

Speaker 1 I jumped in behind Andres once in a photo. He had to jump in somebody else's pocket.
I think they framed me out, but I was. How many photos have you taken, Fancy? Be genuine.
Be genuine. A few.
A few.

Speaker 1 Well, he did something because I've been observing him.

Speaker 1 and outside the show before we started. He was outside.
You noticed he was never inside the tent.

Speaker 1 He was always outside. I noticed.
And if you could look at his hands, you could see an invisible fishing rod.

Speaker 1 And it was fishing for compliments out there.

Speaker 1 We should tell the audience. This is something that's never going to be seen.
And it was so sad to see this. This is what I saw.
Right, him go,

Speaker 1 right, right, right. And he's just out there.
Kick, kick, kick, kick. And everyone's like, that's a swimming pool.

Speaker 1 There's nothing in there.

Speaker 1 Trust me. He was fishing.
But he was out there fishing for hours. It was really sad.
And you know what's so funny when he introduced us? He went out there beforehand to turn on the cameras.

Speaker 1 George was already out there. I know what that is.
Just so they go, fetch it. They lost it.

Speaker 1 And I said, Fancy, what were you doing? He goes, I have to turn on the camera. And I said, isn't George out there? And he goes, yeah, but I have to get out there.
Was George was out there?

Speaker 1 Yeah, George was already out there. Oh, it's so weird.
I didn't even think he was out there.

Speaker 1 No one said anything. Holon,

Speaker 1 Get up our seat.

Speaker 1 Hey guys.

Speaker 1 Hey!

Speaker 1 Mom,

Speaker 1 guys, thank you.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, my legs are shaking.

Speaker 1 Thank you all for coming to Mexico to see us. It's our first show live ever and we're very excited.

Speaker 1 I didn't realize you guys were here to see me. Thank you.

Speaker 1 So, without further ado, let's introduce the stars of bad friends,

Speaker 1 Bobby Lee, and Android Satino.

Speaker 1 Canada dry, it's never been more dry.

Speaker 1 Bobby had a can of Canada dry, and we decided to make a little song about it. We moved inside because the sun got way

Speaker 1 too hot. Canada dry, it's never been more dry.
That's our early 2000s. When was that? Was that early 2000s? Plant 182 and all that stuff? Yeah.
All the small thing.

Speaker 1 Those guys made some really good hits, though. They did, and they're all from my area.
They were from San Diego. From Poway specifically.
Yeah, they went to high school with you. What?

Speaker 1 They went to high school with you. Didn't know them specifically, but you know, they did historically.
I like

Speaker 1 it. What's going on, man?

Speaker 1 What is going on? What is going on?

Speaker 1 Are you going to come swimming with me in the ocean or not, for real? You know, because you said there were penguins. What was it? Penguins in the ocean? No, we said some sort of animal.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's penguins out there. No, no, no.
What kind of animal was it? Tortoises? No, that we saw a stingray today. That's the one.
That's the one that killed the Englishman?

Speaker 1 That killed Steve Irwin. Is he English? He's Australian.
You know what I'm talking about? Same and same. Gouged out.
God. Right, Stingray right through his butt.
Gouged his shit out. Kind of cool.

Speaker 1 I know. That's why I will not be going.
Oh, dude, we swam up to it. We touched it.

Speaker 1 I'm not as qualified as the Englishman Steve Irwin. Clearly, he wasn't either.

Speaker 1 My point is that he's a professional and he got gouged out. He got murked butt ruined.
So what I'm asking you. No, but I think that's a mana-ray.
There's a big difference. I think it was a mana-ray.

Speaker 1 Well, then say it right. You fuck face.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Sorry.
Mana-ray. I mean, stingray, mana-ray.
They're two different things. You fucked hard.

Speaker 1 No, this was a stingray. Never mind that.
You can't say that? You can't say fucked hard? Yeah, you can. I will.
No, this was a stingray.

Speaker 1 This was this. This was a stingray.
Yeah, so no, I will not be going against it. Yeah, but check it.
Okay, check it out. If I get gouged out.

Speaker 1 You promise me I won't get gouged out? I promise on our friendship, you won't. All right, but if I do, what do I get?

Speaker 1 A new casket. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 If If I get attacked and get gouged out by one of those little muskrats, right? Yeah. What will I get? 10 grand cash.
I'll give you 10 grand. Okay, so tomorrow tomorrow we're swimming.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be fucking with them then. No, that's not the deal.

Speaker 1 Hold on. I want the 10 grand.
Are all stingrays

Speaker 1 deadly?

Speaker 1 No, there's no way. Stingrays are flat disc-shaped creatures with fins.
There is

Speaker 1 no generally aren't dangerous. In fact, they have a reputation for being gentle.
See, they call them puppies of the sea. You've never heard of that before? They actually have a lot of people.

Speaker 1 I love the puppies of the sea, but my point is that, knowing me, I don't know how they lay.

Speaker 1 If they lay on their side. No, no, no.
And look, that's what they're saying. Do they lay on their backs and they put their little...

Speaker 1 Look.

Speaker 1 Like stingrays. Do they lay when they sleep?

Speaker 1 Well, no, their backs are up. When they swim and they sleep, and then they settle down to the bottom of the ocean.
I don't think they ever go on their back and look up.

Speaker 1 They can't close their eyes and just go, look at my dick.

Speaker 1 Well, they don't.

Speaker 1 They don't have dicks. They don't have dicks.
Oh. Wait, do stingrays have penises? Yeah, well, Google that.
That's more important. Stingrays harbor the pain.
And we'll figure out a way to make it gay.

Speaker 1 Fatal stingray in a second. So, you know what I mean? Fatal stingray attacks on humans that are exceedingly rare.
Only two have been reported in Australian water since 1945. Oh, that's so rare.

Speaker 1 Both victims were stung in the chest, just like Irwin. It was extremely rare.
Do stingrays have penises? That's the most important. The most important question by far.

Speaker 1 So how do you tell a sexual maturity? Male stingrays have external sexual organs called claspers, which are visual in the basement. Oh, that seems aggressive.
They have claspers.

Speaker 1 Their penises fucking grab onto vagina.

Speaker 1 It felt so good. Want me to do it again? I'm a stingray.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Ow! That's what he does. He clasps it.
Don't do it on my voice. Okay, sorry, sorry.
I'll do it so far. Yeah, that's crazy.
They have claspers, and what they do is... So once it's in, it's in?

Speaker 1 They have two penis-like organisms that lie within modified pelvic fins. They have two dicks.
Stingrays have double dicks. Right.
Double dicks. How bad, man.

Speaker 1 If we were stingrays, how mad would you be? If, if, as a joke, I just clasped onto her butthole.

Speaker 1 See how I did that? Yeah, I knew

Speaker 1 the angle. I was going to say how funny it would be if you were a stingray and one of your penises was super huge and the other one was extremely small.

Speaker 1 And they make fun of you for not having two equal-sized penises. Or you can do jokes like, My dad's black and my mom's Asian.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm a half-half. I'm a half-stingray.
Yeah, yeah. I'm a.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm sure there's more better jokes.

Speaker 1 Eric Griffin is our Stingray friend. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So if it's small, right?

Speaker 1 Is that what you're saying? What?

Speaker 1 Where's the cum at? It comes under their penis. They have double penises.
They have two penises. So it's like a two-on-one storage system.
When one is tired, the other one goes to work.

Speaker 1 Right, because our cum is in our sack, correct?

Speaker 1 Okay. It's not in the penis area.
It ends up in there at some point. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, I have a more specific question. Yeah, right.
It takes the elevator, goes, coming up. Yeah.
You know how sometimes, you know, you ejaculate,

Speaker 1 and how good does that feel? This is a good end of the episode. Yeah, you know how you ejaculate? I do know, right?

Speaker 1 And so then, you know, after you masturbate, or you have sex with a woman, or man, whatever your thing is, and then you go, oh, I got to go pee, right?

Speaker 1 And then when you pee, it's sprays like in 12 different areas. Funny, yeah, when you clogged up the hose, yeah,

Speaker 1 everywhere, right? And you don't give a fuck, you just do the best you can. You'll clean it.
Well, I usually pee in the shower. Oh, really? For that very reason.
But it's sprays.

Speaker 1 So what you're what what

Speaker 1 what that means is that there's some

Speaker 1 clogging going on. Cloggination, yeah.
Clogganation going on. Correct.
Right. So

Speaker 1 when does that go away? The clogging? Yeah. It eventually sprays away and then you're done.
Are you still clogged?

Speaker 1 Are you still clogged? No, no. Have you been clogged for a long time? Clogged for like six months?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Spraying all the time. We got to go to the doctor.
Is that what it is? Yeah, we got to go to the doctor. I think my shit just dried like some sort of adhesive

Speaker 1 or some like super glue got on there. Cement, yeah, yeah.
Well, maybe you're that's permanent. Yeah, but it sprays in 50.
Is that a problem?

Speaker 1 Still, yeah, like right now, if you go pee, it does that 15 different areas, and there's blood in the pee. That's fine, I think.

Speaker 1 All right, I think that one's not a big deal. You know what? If a third thing happens, then I'll go.
Yeah, wait till the end. Yeah, wait till something really happens.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, something like a foot falls off. Have you ever had blood in your pee? Oh, yeah, and in my poo.

Speaker 1 I've had poop blood in both areas. This is gross.

Speaker 1 Why? It's just nasty. But speaking of which, what did you come to the door with this morning when I said hello? I knocked on the door.
Go ahead. You say.

Speaker 1 I knocked on the door, and Bobby goes, I'm in the bathroom. And I go,

Speaker 1 I go, I clean your room. And he goes, no, no, no, no.
Can I say from my point of view? Sure.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 This is from my point of view. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. I literally wake up and I get woken up.
How?

Speaker 1 Knock, knock, knock on the door. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I'm asking you, how did I wake up? Why did what was the thing that caused me to wake up? A phone call. No, a poo.
Oh, you had a shit? Yeah. Yeah.
Right? Your body. My body's like.

Speaker 1 Your body, your choice. Pooh.
Pooh.

Speaker 1 It's like a little

Speaker 1 poo in my mind.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 So my body just goes,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 I get to the edge of the bed, right? And like a robot, and I do this. If you had a fucking camera in the hotel room.
Job, please don't have a camera in the bathroom. Right.

Speaker 1 But you would see me walk like a robot.

Speaker 1 Right, so I'm taking a poo. Most shit.
Right. And as soon as the turtle's face

Speaker 1 comes out of the little hole, I hear, knock, knock, knock, knock. Housekeeping.

Speaker 1 That was you, right?

Speaker 1 I went, no, I said, I gotta clean the room.

Speaker 1 I gotta clean the room. I go, I'm taking a shit, I said.
And then I go, it's okay, I gotta clean.

Speaker 1 Now, I don't know about you, but in my day, like, during the day, I have these events that I look forward to. Just hear me out.
Taking a shit is one of them. Taking a shit is one of them.

Speaker 1 What's the other one? The wind blowing in my face on the beach. You hate the beach.
I know, but I love it. Okay.
I love that part of it. Okay.
My point is that

Speaker 1 I was taking a poo, one of my favorite things in the whole world.

Speaker 1 You interrupted me. Correct.
I was in a bad mood because I hadn't drinked any coffee. So I open the door

Speaker 1 and I stick something out. What was it? Toilet paper

Speaker 1 with what?

Speaker 1 Poop on it.

Speaker 1 Good morning.

Speaker 1 That was your good morning to me. Good morning.
Will you swim with me tomorrow, though, for real on the other side? With the mantle raiser, for sure. You promise? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can you do me a favor? What, George? Get me toilet. Not toilet paper.

Speaker 1 Get me

Speaker 1 a bathing suit.

Speaker 1 You didn't bring a bathing suit to the fucking resort beach results? I was in Hawaii too for a week. I didn't bring it in.

Speaker 1 Why? There's no need. There's no need, Fancy.
Do you have a bathing suit? Fancy didn't bring a bathing suit. You didn't bring a bathing suit.
You're a loser.

Speaker 1 What do you mean you didn't bring a bathing suit? I need a medium bathing suit. You came to work.

Speaker 1 You came to work, George. He was getting trashed the last two nights.
Came to work.

Speaker 1 Canada dry. How did it go? It went.

Speaker 1 Canada dry. It's never been more dry.
Oh, that's right. That's it.
We have a Rudy. Didn't Rudy want to say something? Oh my god.
Did you see the video?

Speaker 2 Hi to Bobby. Hi to Andrew.

Speaker 2 Good luck in performing in the Just for Laughs crowd in Cancun.

Speaker 2 I hope you have a good time. I miss Andreas and George already.

Speaker 2 And I hope Jim Jeffries will be a good Rudy as a fill-in.

Speaker 1 Okay, bye.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 here we go

Speaker 1 what i want you got and it might be hard to handle

Speaker 1 what i want

Speaker 1 you've got in my big heart to handle that you sound fun

Speaker 1 dude what are you doing

Speaker 1 give me the fair lift up give me the phone i'm gonna do it and as fancy be

Speaker 1 give me the phone right now yeah i'm gonna do it at how fancy b does it ready yeah

Speaker 1 what i want you've got and it might be hard to handle

Speaker 1 But like a flame burns the candle. Sounds dumb.
Like a candle fears the flame. No one's dancing.

Speaker 1 What I've got is stock full of thoughts and dreams. Let's get out of here.

Speaker 1 We both have to have just our phones out. Yeah, that's what I'm doing.
That's fine. All right, how about this? Let me try the one.
Yep, too fancy. No, I got one to do.
I took my own. Okay.

Speaker 1 What I want, you've got. It might be hard to handle.

Speaker 1 But like the flame that burns the candle,

Speaker 1 the candle feeds the flame.

Speaker 1 Well, well

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 make my dreams come true.

Speaker 1 Well, well

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 make my dreams come true.

Speaker 1 You make my dreams come true.

Speaker 1 Why don't you show Tito with Bobby Lee?