Andrew's 8 Ball Birthday

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Speaker 2 Hey, come see me live. I'm on tour right now.
AndrewSantino.com for tickets. AndrewSantino.com for tickets.
I'm all over the place. I'm going to San Francisco.
Then I'm going to Columbus.

Speaker 2 I'm going to Pittsburgh. I'm going to Grand Rapids.
I'm going to Philly. We added another show in Philly.
We added a late show in Philly as well as in Seattle and Portland in the new year.

Speaker 2 Coming to Chicago as well and the New York Comedy Festival in November. And then I'll be up in Albany later in the year.
I'm all over the place.

Speaker 2 So go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets, AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to me.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to

Speaker 2 me.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday.

Speaker 2 You don't know my birthday.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday

Speaker 2 to

Speaker 2 me.

Speaker 2 Andrew. Thank you, Pete and Andres and George, and that's it.
Hold on, Sandy. Thank you, Pete.
Thank you, George.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Andres. Rudy too.
Rudy collaborates. And thank you, Rudy Jules.
My heart of hearts, my little brown queen, my little brown bean queen. Wait, wait, wait, whoa, is that your birthday?

Speaker 2 Yes, it is.

Speaker 2 And you had to Google it to know it. I know, but I, my, because I was wondering,

Speaker 2 the thing that I got you is getting delivered from my house. Oh, it's coming to your house.
Yeah. And I, and I'm like, oh, it delivery didn't come yet.
And I'm like, let me open my cards from Pete.

Speaker 2 Okay. Let me open my cards from Pete.

Speaker 2 You make my eyes happy. You make my lips happy.
You make my heart happy.

Speaker 2 I could keep heading south, but I think you get the idea.

Speaker 2 I don't understand.

Speaker 2 Pete says, happy birthday. I I didn't realize how sexual this card was until after I bought it, Pete.
So, very Pete. I love that.
Very Pete. Let's see.
And this is from Pete.

Speaker 2 Let's see what Pete got me in here.

Speaker 2 Let's see what Pete got me. It is some socks.
Oh, Pete, thank you so much. This is men's crew, my favorite.
They've got Wicking Cool Comfort Fabric. Haynes, can't beat it.
Thank you so much, Pete.

Speaker 2 You're welcome. That's the president that's coming in the mail.

Speaker 2 Let's see what's next. Man, this is great, Bobby.
I can't wait to open yours. I'm sure it's in the Prius, right? You want to go get it? It's not, it's three days from this one's from Rudy.

Speaker 2 It says, Friend, in this world where things move so fast and change before our eyes, I take comfort in the precious few things that are constant and

Speaker 2 true. The friendship we share day after day, year after year, Rudy.
Rudy, thank you, Rudy Jules. This was very sweet.
You're welcome. Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 How the fuck? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Stop, Rudy.
what did you get me? Let's see what she got me.

Speaker 2 Whoa, Red Bush. How did she? She's not even 21.
Good old-fashioned Red Bush. You don't have to be 21 in the Philippines to drink.
It's only 18. Oh, you got it from the Philippines? Sure did.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Rudy Jules. Did you?

Speaker 2 I got it. Did you know that it was his birthday? You never told me? Oh, and a taco.

Speaker 2 And a taco.

Speaker 2 Rudy Jules. Wow.
Do you want this taco? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Rudy. Rudy.
And also, Rudy left a receipt in here.

Speaker 2 Oh, good, in case I wanted to give it back. Thank you, Rudy.

Speaker 2 And my favorite by far, Fancy B, my little sweet prince.

Speaker 2 A good friend is like sunshine for the soul. Happy birthday.
So grateful for you and all the positive vibes you bring to my world. Andrew, working with you is a real treat.

Speaker 2 You are funny, hardworking, respectful, talented, and the real engine behind this great show. Bobby doesn't do much, and

Speaker 2 I know it's hard for you sometimes, but let's be honest here. Bobby is a fading, fading star.

Speaker 2 Andrew, you're a shooting star on your way to the moon. Turning 38 is such a special year, and I want to be here to celebrate with you.
I love you so much. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Fancy B.

Speaker 2 P.S. I don't like Bob.

Speaker 2 Well, thank you, Fancy B.

Speaker 2 You're a sucker. Let me open up my

Speaker 2 second. Stop for a second.
Stop for a second. My birthday.
Are you still for a second? No. I knew it was your birthday, and I bought you a present.
Here.

Speaker 2 Let me see. I bought you one.
Open it.

Speaker 2 Is it money?

Speaker 2 I knew it was money. See, you don't get to trick me anymore with money.

Speaker 2 They went right in the cup. That was a good shot.
That was a really good shot. Fancy, what did you buy me? Oh, fancy.

Speaker 2 Oh, the iPad Pro!

Speaker 2 Are you really being serious? Yes!

Speaker 2 Fancy B!

Speaker 2 There's nothing in there. Fancy! I bet you money, there's nothing in there.
Oh, yeah? He didn't get you an iPod Pro.

Speaker 2 Yes, he did.

Speaker 2 What? Fancy B. Wait, wait.

Speaker 2 What did you get me, you fuck?

Speaker 2 Fancy, fancy. Fancy, Fancy.
What did you get me, you fuck?

Speaker 2 This is outrageous. Dude, Fancy, this is incredible.
He got me the iPad Pro and and that keyboard that I asked for. Yee!

Speaker 2 Fancy, I love you.

Speaker 2 Love you back. God, you're the best, Fance.
Where's my Red Bull?

Speaker 2 Where's my Red Bull? Hey, it's my birthday. I know, but I'm a part of the show, too.
Not today, you're not. I know, can I get my beverage? Please, George.
Say please. Please.
There it is.

Speaker 2 Fancy, what a gift. That's incredible.
Should I open more? Yeah, why not? It's my birthday. Oh!

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 2 I've always wanted one of these.

Speaker 2 A heavy metal truck. oh my god.
This is so cool. Thank you.
Thank you guys.

Speaker 2 This is amazing. I'm gonna have a conversation with George real quick.
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 I want to take this out of the box and plug it in. I wish it would ghost already.
Come here. What, me? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This is great.

Speaker 2 I swear to fucking God, you do these fucking tricks and stuff. You knew about this to play a prank on me so I can look like a fucking toll on my own faces.

Speaker 2 And I didn't get this fuck fool nothing, man. You should have fucking reminded me.
I was giving up on laughing. I wasn't supposed to be here today.

Speaker 2 These guys tripped me. George, give me your fucking ass.
George, come here. George!

Speaker 2 George has nothing to do with this.

Speaker 2 Is it okay that I open up at my expense like this again? Hey, you have a fucking nothing coming. Can I open up my other gifts?

Speaker 2 Can I open up my other gifts?

Speaker 2 Oh, yes!

Speaker 2 Look at this Alpha Strike, this Nerf gun set.

Speaker 2 That is so fucking cool. Dude, this is probably the best birthday I've had in years.
In years.

Speaker 2 I'm fucking stoked.

Speaker 2 Need I forget I got socks from Pete.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Star Wars Lego set.

Speaker 2 You know what? I'll give that to Rudy because she likes toy stuff. There you go.
Build something during the show.

Speaker 2 Look at that. I've got my iPad Pro, my brand new keyboard, and I got my truck.
And I got my nerf shooter, and I got my Bush Mills Red Bush.

Speaker 2 Thank you guys so much. Let's get back to the show.

Speaker 2 And my $20. I don't want this $20.
It's dirty. Something about it's not genuine.
Why?

Speaker 2 Because I feel as if you just took some paper-mâché off the ground and you put $20 out of your pocket and handed it to me because we can rhyme the tape and saw you do it.

Speaker 2 No, I knew it was your birthday, and I bought you a present.

Speaker 2 Here. No? Yeah, I saw you do it.
Can I say something? I saw you do it. May I say, talk? You picked a paper-mâché off the ground and you took it out of your pocket.
I'm not, listen, I'm not doing well.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Physically? No! More from this from Rudy. Rudy gave me a magic eight ball and a slinky.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing well. My accountant called me.
Is Bobby a piece of shit for not remembering my birthday? A few weeks ago.

Speaker 2 And he said you lost everything. Is Bobby a piece of shit for not remembering my birthday? And that's my last $20.

Speaker 2 Signs point to yes. Yeah, yeah.
That's my last $20. Signs point to yes.
And so when it's a man's, when it's the man's last $20 and they give it to you,

Speaker 2 he's giving you everything. Signs are pointing to yes.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You didn't listen to what I just said.

Speaker 2 You want to ask the Magic Ape Ball something? Like,

Speaker 2 is Bobby, you know,

Speaker 2 why don't you ask me something? I'm going to take it out. Why don't you ask me something you've always wanted to ask Jewel? Because it's my birthday.
Bobby doesn't get to bully anybody around.

Speaker 2 You're a fucking baby right now.

Speaker 2 You're acting like a fucking baby right now. Oh, does this feel familiar? You're acting like a baby.
Does this feel familiar to you?

Speaker 2 Does this feel familiar to me? It's outrageous. But you know what? I'm going to let you act like a child because you are a child.
What did you do at your birthday? What did you do at your birthday?

Speaker 2 Did you not act like a little baby? How did I act like a baby? You left. You left before the party was.
I just showed it, man. We threw you a fucking surprise party.

Speaker 2 Go ahead and ask a question with the Magic Apel. All right.
Is Tito Bobby an annoying,

Speaker 2 stupid bitch? Woo! Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it. Shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it, shake it.

Speaker 2 Shake a shake, shake it. Shake it.

Speaker 2 Read what that says. I'm not going to move it so everyone knows that it is.
Okay, don't wait. Don't just move it.
Just see it and say it into the mic. Go ahead here.
Don't move it.

Speaker 2 It is certain. Fact.

Speaker 2 Magic Apollo, you did it again. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Those steroids that you're on has fucked you up. I'm juiced.
You're juiced out and aggressive, and I don't like it. I don't like it.
It's my birthday. It's not.
It's in three fucking days. Relax.

Speaker 2 This is my birthday. This is not your birthday.
It's three days before your fucking birthday. It is my birthday.
Either way, you didn't get me a gift. Yeah, I'm going to get you a gift.
It's okay.

Speaker 2 It's okay.

Speaker 2 And the next time we do bad friends, you'll see the presents I get. Uh-huh.
And you will be mesmerized. Wait, by the point of the breakfast.
And that stupid fucking painting that you got for me.

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. That stupid painting I got for you.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah. Is going to be nothing compared to what I'm going to get you, my friend.
Are you being serious? Yeah. I hope so.
I am. Because I tell you what.
I'm going to be dead serious.

Speaker 2 Okay, because I tell you what. What? That painting, that painting that you got,

Speaker 2 very valuable to my heart. very important to me, meant a lot.
That painting that you got? And you want to up me a little bit? You know, Segura and Kreischer, you know, he bought him a Jetsky.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying, if you're looking at elevators,

Speaker 2 Burt Kreischer,

Speaker 2 Tom Segura, Jetsky, for a while.

Speaker 2 They have a different kind of relationship. They're outdoorsy.

Speaker 2 They're outdoorsy people. We're not outdoorsy people.
So buy me some indoorsy stuff. I'm going to get you like coffee.
That's indoorsy. No.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You got to be something better than Fancy B, Got Me and iPad Pro with the folio keyboard. That I can't fucking believe.
And not only I cannot believe that.

Speaker 2 What did you get me for my birthday, Fancy?

Speaker 2 Rudy was in charge of the iPad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she was. I was partnering with her.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 So, did you see that? They just threw you on the fucking bus. They're not your friends.
Let me say this, too, okay? I'm your friend, and you're the best, Rudy Julius. I gave you a present last night.

Speaker 2 Did I not give you a present last night? What are you referring to? On stage when I brought you up. What did I give you? An intro? Right before that.

Speaker 2 What did you give me before that? What did I do with the mic? You farted on it, you piece of shit. You happy.
Happy piece of shit. Happy birthday.
You're so repulsive.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday, Dave. Bobby brought me on stage last night.
Yeah. And

Speaker 2 he goes, after he's done doing his set, or whatever you call it,

Speaker 2 stop. And then he goes, and then he goes, and then he goes,

Speaker 2 should I do it again?

Speaker 2 Should I fart? Into the mic. Yeah.
And he wraps it, knowing I'm next, and then he puts it up in his asshole.

Speaker 2 Not Not near it, in between his ass cheeks. It's shoved in there.
It's better for the acoustics. It is.
It's louder. And it did thump.
It was

Speaker 2 it. It was amazing.
So that was Bobby's birthday gift. You heard it here, folks.
Okay, can I just say this, though, Ruth? Can I just defend myself?

Speaker 2 What you don't understand, my friend, okay, is that before I knew it was your birthday, right? And I opened up my dad's

Speaker 2 ashes? Ashes. I don't want your dad's ashes.
But you don't know what I did, dude. I stuck my finger in the ashes, right?

Speaker 2 And I put it around my butthole.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 you farted your dad into the ocean.

Speaker 2 That's not it. It was like, oh.
No, I did a 24 hour.

Speaker 2 I did a 24-hour fast, right? Really? Before I did the fast, right? Yeah. I lit candles, right, and I had all my ancestors, right, come together.
Wow. Spirits came, right? And I had kung namul.

Speaker 2 Oh, you kung namul? Yeah, I had kung namul, I had kimchi jigai, and I had all these Korean dishes. I ate them, and I didn't poo, right?

Speaker 2 And then I, the incense and the candles and my ancestors coming, they went with, came in within me. Then I put the fucking ashes around my butthole.
Okay. Right.
Got it.

Speaker 2 And I held a fart for 24 hours. Just for my birthday.
Yes. So when I farted, did you have a good set last night? I had a good, really good set last night.
Happy birthday.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you something? Happy birthday. What? I switched mics and you saw that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then guess what happened? It wasn't that mic I used.
I didn't use your fart mic. It doesn't matter.
I gave you your fart mic to go. He was, once I farted, he was in the room.

Speaker 2 You don't know how Korean things work. Oh.
Ritualist. And also, can I just say this too? Does this have any validity? Is this any of this real, do you think? Yeah, it's real.

Speaker 2 I see that too. It's real.
And then here's another thing. When you threw the other mic at me, right? Yeah.
The fart mic. I threw the fart mic.
I dissipated it. Did I not catch it in the air?

Speaker 2 Well, I threw it right into your hands. What do you mean? Did you catch it in the air? It wasn't.
It's dark, right? You're about 30 feet away. You threw it.
Six feet. 30.

Speaker 2 We have the video. Do you really? Yeah.
Okay. 100%.
We can show it. Okay.
Show the video.

Speaker 2 All right. So

Speaker 2 I caught it in. Do you know why I caught it? It was the fart mic.
You caught it because I told you.

Speaker 2 It was in the dark in the OR. Look at it.
Pete, can I send this to you? Yes. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, first of all. So happy birthday, man.
Thank you, dude. I do want to see it.

Speaker 2 And none of this materialistic shit is as good as what I gave you last night. You had a wonderful set.
Let me tell you something. What? This means a lot to me.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 And I didn't know that. This is way better than than any other.
I didn't know that about you. And so it's like, I'm going to, I'm now, I know that you're into materialistic things.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to get you that. Yeah, you're into materialistic things too.
I'm into spiritual things as well. So am I.
That's why I did that last night, a seance.

Speaker 2 I'm spiritual first, material second. You're material first, spiritual second.
I'm everything first.

Speaker 2 Oh, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm everything first, and there is no second for me, right? Everything's 100% with me. You had a good set last night, too.
You had a fun little time up there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, then why'd you say that it was whatever he did up there? Well, because it's just, that's part of the show.

Speaker 2 I see. I see.
I thought I had a very good set. You did.
And I thought the lineup last night was old school comedy. It was back in the fucking day.
Back in the day. You, me, Donnell Rollins.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Fahim.

Speaker 2 Arsinio. It went Arsinio Hall.
Yeah. Then Allie Wong.
Yep. Chris Spencer.
Yep. Me, you.
Donnell. Donnell.
Fahim. Fahim.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's it.
That's all I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you left. You left too.
That's right.

Speaker 2 So I don't know. I'm not hanging out late.
But it was a great night. That was one of those nights that made me feel like the crowd was getting what they paid for, so to speak.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, that was a banger. Fucking, the room was on fire.
It also reminded me of the first show that I've done since the pandemic where I went, this is the closest to what it once was. Where?

Speaker 2 At this club? Yeah, in just in anything.

Speaker 2 You're saying, oh, that show felt like a pandemic showing. It felt like

Speaker 2 a pre-pandemic show. Pre-pandy show.
Yeah, yeah. Well, I'm excited.
Happy birthday,

Speaker 2 thank you. 38.
Wow. I know.

Speaker 2 I'm 12.

Speaker 2 I know. It's incredible.
I look 40.

Speaker 2 I've always been looking 40.

Speaker 2 45, maybe 50. Yeah.
Let's ask one more question. Jules, let's throw a question back to the Magic Ape Ball.
Jules, what do you say? Go ahead. I'm shaking, shaking, shaking.

Speaker 2 Is

Speaker 2 Andres

Speaker 2 gay.

Speaker 2 Gay. Is Andres gay?

Speaker 2 You can read it.

Speaker 2 I would love to. I would love to.
I just want to make sure that it's not people see we're not cheating. You can't really show the camera.
It says in bold letters, all capitalized.

Speaker 2 Without a doubt. Without a doubt.
That's without a doubt. Rudy Jules, give us another one.
Let's hear it on a little magic eight ball.

Speaker 2 Does Pete have

Speaker 2 A?

Speaker 2 You can say AIDS. Small

Speaker 2 penis. Does Pete have a small penis?

Speaker 2 I thought you were going to say AIDS.

Speaker 2 Does Pete have A?

Speaker 2 By the way, we can ask the AIDS one second if you want. Does Pete have a small penis, ladies and gentlemen?

Speaker 2 Why'd you switch it? No, it says ask again later, which is

Speaker 2 why did he do that? Why did he do that? Does Pete have a small penis? And it's...

Speaker 2 Come on. Come on.
Oh, near the proof. Go ahead.
What does it say?

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.
Real simple.

Speaker 2 It's rigged. It's rigged.
It's totally rigged. Okay, Pete, then you ask it a question, and we'll find out if it's rigged.
Is there any negative answers on there? Is there all positive? No, there's.

Speaker 2 I haven't heard one. Okay, well, ask something that you think would give a negative answer.
Am I a better comedian than you? Oh, boy. Come on, Magic Ape Ball.
Do your work. All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 What does that say? Very doubtful. Very doubtful.
Yeah, it's Magic Ape.

Speaker 2 This thing is fucking awesome. It's awesome.
This is the best birthday I've had. Great.
Why? Because I'm here with my friends and my family. I'm here with the bad friends' family.

Speaker 2 The people that mean the world to me. Yeah.
Okay, that's why. Yeah, I was angry that little Doc Doc couldn't even do it today.

Speaker 2 The fans like Doc. Do you like Doc? Because he sits in the face.

Speaker 2 What do you think, Lil Doc Doc? He's very kind.

Speaker 2 Kind.

Speaker 2 Funny. Yeah, he is very funny.
He's very funny.

Speaker 2 And I'm taller than him. That must feel good.
Yeah. That must feel really good.
Because he's 80. Yeah, that must feel good.
Do you think in a fist...

Speaker 2 Should we set up a fight between her and Doc and see who wins? I don't know. You think you would win in in a fist fight? No.
Boxing, club? Boxing? It's boxing, not street fight.

Speaker 2 No, his fist is bigger than mine. Yeah, but you can kick.
You can kick. No.
No.

Speaker 2 She'll try. Yeah, yeah.
I think.

Speaker 2 No, because he's going to do belly shots. Oh.
You know what I mean? Yeah. And she's got a small little belly.
She'll collapse. She'll collapse.
She'll break in half.

Speaker 2 How much do you weigh? 115. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you think he weighs?

Speaker 2 150?

Speaker 2 Maybe more. Maybe 160? Because the density of a bowling ball is higher than you think.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's harder to know.
Yeah. Maybe 155, 160.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 you're out of the way. But he is thinner than I am.

Speaker 2 Or no?

Speaker 2 What is no?

Speaker 2 Thank you. No, I think that's it.
That feels good. Well, you dropped some weight.
You lost a couple of pounds. Yeah, because I've been exercising every night.
Are you doing it every night? Yeah.

Speaker 2 She sees it, yeah. What are you doing now? Peloton.
Are you loving the Peloton?

Speaker 2 I love it. You know what I do is I do the free ride.
What does that mean? I don't need no fucking,

Speaker 2 I want to say it. Some

Speaker 2 bald. Uh-oh.
Athletic.

Speaker 2 Black guy.

Speaker 2 Screaming at me.

Speaker 2 Right. Just, you know what I mean? Pull through one more minute.

Speaker 2 All you got. So free ride means turn it on and you can just go.
You just push start, right? There's a timer. What are you looking at on the screen when you free ride? Nothingness.

Speaker 2 Not even like an outside? No. Huh.
There's scenic. I don't even do scenic.
I don't like scenic. So it's black? It's black.
Right. Do you have headphones on? No, I'm watching my shows on my iPod.

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Speaker 2 See, can you not put the shows on the screen? On the Peloton screen i don't know how to do that hmm you knew but you know what i've been watching so you sit an ipad on top of i've watched every single

Speaker 2 i told you this last night huh i've watched every single intervention the tv show i love that show ever made from season one to 14 or whatever it is

Speaker 2 i love that i love it and i love it when like it doesn't work out yeah

Speaker 2 no because no i love it when it doesn't work out because at the end of it right so good it's either this this either happened it says you know what i mean?

Speaker 2 Three months later, that's always a good sign. And then it cuts to.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. It's like a tariff.
Yeah, and then, but then sometimes it just goes straight to like a counselor. Yeah, he escaped 12 hours since he got here.
We don't know where he is.

Speaker 2 We think he might be dead. He's in the woods.
Yeah, we think he might be dead in the woods. And then they show the family go through their like codependency.

Speaker 2 You know, when it's uplifting, you know, I think

Speaker 2 it is a great show. You know, that song at the end makes me sad every time.
Thanks, man.

Speaker 2 You know, that sounds like. Yeah.
I have that song on my.

Speaker 2 Who sings it? I forgot what the band is, but I have it. You know who it sounds like.
Who? Who does it sound like? Who's the first person you thought of? Vance Well,

Speaker 2 oh, winner. Who was like the saddest artist from up there other than Kirk Cobain to kill himself?

Speaker 2 Elliot Smith. Totally.
I thought it was Elliot Smith the moment I was. I'm very Elliot Smith-y.

Speaker 2 But it's not him.

Speaker 2 It's not him. It's not him.
But it sounds a little bit like his Faint Chill.

Speaker 2 It's sad. Do you watch Intervention? Do you know about this show? Do you you know what it is? But do you know why I'm watching it?

Speaker 2 Do you know why I'm watching it? Why are you watching intervention? I'm on the border of relapsing. You're not going to relapse.
I think I am. Why do you think you're going to relapse?

Speaker 2 I just, I'm obsessed with it. With the idea of relapsing? Yeah, yeah.
It's really. I prefer you to not.
I know. That's why I haven't.
And I've been calling you to do it. I haven't done it because

Speaker 2 of you. Good.
And Kalila. Okay, good.
And the people of my life. Has she helped? No.

Speaker 2 She's the worst.

Speaker 2 When I look at her, I think of weed. He's going to relapse because of you.

Speaker 2 You make me want to relapse. Your behavior around the house is outrageous.
What you said to do what you were going to do yesterday, you didn't do what you said you were going to do yesterday.

Speaker 2 And that's fucking outrageous. Okay.
What did you say? You said you were going to clean my house. You claimed my car.

Speaker 2 You said you were going to clean my car and take my car to the fucking oil changing place. And the lights, the check engine light is still on the car, and there's no gas.

Speaker 2 And you fucking make me want to relapse. So if you don't want me to relapse, you do the fucking thing you said you're going to do.
I'll do it tomorrow. But that's what you say every fucking day.

Speaker 2 I'll do it tomorrow, I promise. Can I tell you something? Yeah.
You keep saying that tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. That's it.
That's one more day for an addict to get what he needs.

Speaker 2 That's just one more day to get. It's the same thinking of like, I'll quit tomorrow.
I'll quit tomorrow. I'll quit tomorrow.
One more. I'll quit tomorrow.
One more hit. One more for the next one.

Speaker 2 That's what makes me remind me of relapsing. And you're the reason why.

Speaker 2 No, you're not the reason why. I'm just, you know, I'll tell you what it is.
Yeah, what is it?

Speaker 2 I want to get high.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No. Hey, I want to get high, baby.
No, baby.

Speaker 2 I want to see.

Speaker 2 You know, just because of the pandemic, I think, and it's like,

Speaker 2 we got out of it. I know this is probably negative, probably not comedy fodder.
It's not negative.

Speaker 2 I just want to be real. You be real.
Go ahead. Yeah.
But I'm not going to do it. Right?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 You promise? No.

Speaker 2 You can't promise. I can't promise anything.
I can't promise if I'm going to be alive in a week. Well, that you don't have control of.
You have control over using again. Do I?

Speaker 2 Do I have control? I don't think so. You do.

Speaker 2 Well, that's the opposite of an addict, right? An addict has no control.

Speaker 2 But you're an addict in recovery. An addict in recovery does have no control.
Right, but am I in recovery?

Speaker 2 You should be. I should be.
But you're not. I may not.
Do you want to have a meeting right now? Yes. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 2 Do you know what that, you know, have you been to a meeting before? By the way, let it be known. But everyone has to share.
Let it be known. Let it be known.
That's fine.

Speaker 2 But we're not denigrating the idea of addiction in meetings. Right.
I'm a big supporter of this. I am.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Addiction is a part of my life. Yeah.
Okay, my family.

Speaker 2 So we're not.

Speaker 2 I'm not making fun of this. But in this meeting, mock meeting we're doing, you guys are going to play different people.
That's right. And your stories have to be horrendous.

Speaker 2 That's the only way I'm going to be able to do it. Okay, well, why don't you share first? Right.
Should I make up a story? I think you should be you.

Speaker 2 Because you're on the brink of using again. We're just two people that have been coming here for months.
You're new to this meeting, right? I'm new to this meeting, right?

Speaker 2 So, your name is what, Billy? Winston. Oh,

Speaker 2 Winston. Winston.
Sorry, Winston. Yeah.
Raphael?

Speaker 2 Georgina. Georgina.
Winston and Georgina. We have our fucking name tags right here.
Oh, sorry. Sorry.
I'm just so drugged out. You know what I mean? Oh, man.
Yeah, yeah. He's been using it.

Speaker 2 I've been using it. Georgina, this guy's been using

Speaker 2 it. I've been blacking out, so I don't remember, man.
So, why don't you show me that? Winston, Georgina.

Speaker 2 I'm Bob, alcoholic. Hi.
Hi, Bob.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Good.
So, you know, I've been coming to this. No, I've been sober for a couple years now, and I just have these,

Speaker 2 I don't know what I have, these strong desires. They're not desires.
We all have coffee.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I don't know why Winston would say that. I know what coffee is.
Addicts love coffee.

Speaker 2 Winston. I know what coffee is.
We have coffee. I get it.
In every corner is a weed store. Yeah.
Do you know that? I do. There's that flower place.
There's one across the street from your house.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's one. Yeah, there's one right across from.
And they have these glowing neon lines that blink.

Speaker 2 Weed. Weed.
Read. And then my pocket goes, I got money.
Money. Money.
Right? So when I drive by, I don't go in. Obviously, I don't go in.
No. Right.

Speaker 2 And I look and I start trembling a little bit and I oh, no, no. And then I go through the

Speaker 2 right. But it's like, that never used to be the case.
Used to be, I don't even think about it.

Speaker 2 It's not even an option. So you might relapse on weed.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 We don't want

Speaker 2 you to. One, two, three.
We don't want

Speaker 2 that in the thing. We do in our meetings.
Okay, my best. This is different.
Sorry, Winston. Yeah.
Georgina? Thank you. Tell me your story.

Speaker 2 I've been sober.

Speaker 2 Hi, Georgina. Say your name.
Sorry. You've been here for years.
Sorry, sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm Georgina.

Speaker 2 Hi, Georgina. No, I'm Ginin.
Wait. Sorry, don't yell at Winston.
He's your sponsor.

Speaker 2 He's your sponsor. Sorry.
Go ahead. I'm Georgina.
I'm an

Speaker 2 alcoholic.

Speaker 2 Hi.

Speaker 2 Hi, Georgia.

Speaker 2 You have to listen to me, Bob.

Speaker 2 Sorry, Georgina. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm going to share you my story. Please.

Speaker 2 I've been sober for about a week

Speaker 2 and it's really hard because every time I see you guys,

Speaker 2 I just want to have fun

Speaker 2 and I just want to drink

Speaker 2 and I just want to pass out,

Speaker 2 be in a club.

Speaker 2 Wow. And it's really hard.
Yeah. We're not laughing at your internet.

Speaker 2 I thought you said she was being here for a while. She relapses every week.
Oh, she does? Yeah. And she does it at the club? Every single week.
Right, right, right.

Speaker 2 She leaves leaves from here to go to the club. Oh, is there a club tonight? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I just come.
Are you going to go? I don't want you to. You can't go.
I can't go. This is recovery.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to get somewhere.
Jesus. She's inviting me to a club afterwards.
Golly. Yeah, and she does this.
Boom, boom, boom, boom. All night long.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Hey, y'all, I'm Winston.

Speaker 2 When you shared, it's different.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So when you share, it's different. I'm Winston.
You change characters. I get it.
Good to meet you. I'm Winston.
I've been here before. You welcome me.
I'm just saying hello. I'm Winston.
Hi, Winston.

Speaker 2 Hi, Winston.

Speaker 2 I am a meth

Speaker 2 addict who has a slight issue with kidamine,

Speaker 2 a little bit of an Adderall addiction. Yeah.
Lewdes, uppers, downers, squeezers, poppers. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I'm into also suppositories.

Speaker 2 Putting stuff in my tush.

Speaker 2 Particularly, I would put Todd tabs in my tush. You know, Todd Pods, people, kids were chewing them.
I put them straight in my butt.

Speaker 2 So I was addicted to that

Speaker 2 for a long time. I've been sober for a long time.
For a long time. 12 years.

Speaker 2 And I'm happy to be, and I don't think relapse is cool. I don't think you should do it.
Even if you're Chinese, I don't think it's appropriate.

Speaker 2 I know, given the circumstances of what y'all brought to this country is not okay.

Speaker 2 But I still don't think you should relapse based on your emotional thrust of feeling guilty about Rona. And I know y'all feel guilty because you did it,

Speaker 2 but you really shouldn't.

Speaker 2 And I'm Winston, I ain't gonna relapse. That's my time.
Thank you. Thank you, Winston.
Thank you. Georgina, can I get a ride home?

Speaker 2 I'll drive you home. No,

Speaker 2 I'm gonna go to the club. No, no, I want to drive you home.
If you're listening to that, I'm gonna go to the club. Let me drive you home.

Speaker 2 All right, I'll drive. I'm sorry, but I want you to call.
I know, Georgina, but let me.

Speaker 2 I know, I know. But with Georgina, right? If I disappear,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean? It's because him and I are hanging out. Yeah, but I'm just saying, if I disappear off the face of the planet, no, no, I ain't going to disappear.
No, you can hear me? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, no, no, louder than me. I'm right fucking here, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. All right, let's.
I'm getting, I'm going to get in your car. Come on in.
All right, so we're in the car.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're going the opposite direction of my house. I lived right down the street on Ventura.
Do you like the seat vibrators?

Speaker 2 It's weird that this is this European, this car

Speaker 2 makes your balls feel good. I yeah, yeah, and there's also something sticking out under my butthole.
Watch this.

Speaker 2 Whoa!

Speaker 2 Whoa, that's all the way in. Yeah, buddy.
It popped a whole of my new jeans here. Yeah, yeah.
Watch this now. Yeah,

Speaker 2 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I think I'm about to come.

Speaker 2 I've never come through my anus before.

Speaker 2 Woo, woo. Where are we going?

Speaker 2 Where are we going, Winston? We're at the club where Georgina is inside. Come on, man.
Boom, boom. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Speaker 2 Fun night. Fun night.
Wow. That's a crazy beat.
Long story short, you are not

Speaker 2 going to realize. I'm not.
You are not. I'm not.
Because this is a comedy show, but we do take addiction seriously on this show. I know.
You know what, guys? But at least you're being honest and real.

Speaker 2 The fans get to hear the real truth. Well, you know, I like to be honest and real and be forthcoming.
Yeah. Right.
And I think by sharing that, right, I think

Speaker 2 if I were going to do it. You wouldn't tell the fans.
I wouldn't tell anybody. Mine.
But I've been outspoken about it.

Speaker 2 Like I'll go to a club, comedy club, and I'll run into somebody that I know that's sober and I'll go, I don't know what, you know what I mean? I'll talk to them on the side. Right.
So I don't,

Speaker 2 you know, if I were to do it, I would keep it inside myself. Right.
And make a plan. That's right.
Don't wink after you say that. Why? Because that's like going, I'm I'm not going to kick you.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you think Tito's Bobby's going to use again?

Speaker 2 I don't think so. Yeah.
What would you, how would you feel if he did break his. You know what? Actually, make a promise to her that you won't.

Speaker 2 That's the use. She's broken.
I can't even get into it, but she's broken so many fucking promises as a girl. No.
I can't do it.

Speaker 2 First of all, number one, okay, she's not on my side.

Speaker 2 No, you're on my girlfriend's side because you guys are blood related. That's true.
Right? So you keep secrets from me? You need blood in the house. Why don't you make Stevie move in?

Speaker 2 Everyone would die in the house. You mean he'd like burn it to the ground? He would snap and he would, something would happen.

Speaker 2 Something drastic would happen. And I don't think you would want to live with him.
But my point is, is this, okay? I feel it that you get, you're, you side with her. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 2 Because you guys are blood related.

Speaker 2 And I'm nothing to you. I just happen to be the guy.
That's not true. You mean a lot to her.
Well, I would like to hear it because I'm vulnerable right now and I'm in a bad spot.

Speaker 2 So I'd like to hear these leave it up to bobby to sabotage my birthday episode about him

Speaker 2 yeah yeah make bobby feel good now yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 2 i look at you like a father figure sweet

Speaker 2 but i'm not scared of you

Speaker 2 but

Speaker 2 i care about you i don't want you to relapse

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 it's gonna hurt everyone

Speaker 2 did did jules mean what she she just said, Magic 8 Ball?

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 The shake again or ask again later is meaningless. Did Jules mean what she said? Come on.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 It says I can see it. It says yes.

Speaker 2 Okay. I believe you.
It says yes. I believe you.
Dude, did you see this kid? So, do you know who this guy is? Jamie Costa.

Speaker 2 Oh, the guy that does the impression of Robin Williams. Yeah, but did you see the

Speaker 2 trailer? The trailer thing that he did. Unbelievable.
Unfucking believable. It was probably the greatest Robin Williams impersonation I think I've ever seen.
And look, he's the second picture there.

Speaker 2 He does kind of have Robin's eyes. Yeah, he does.
He has that vibe, yeah. But this dude right here is legitimately embodies.
Is he an impressionist? I don't know, but I know I saw online him doing.

Speaker 2 Why is this guy not on SNL, man? Because

Speaker 2 now he's the star of a fucking Robin Williams documentary. Really?

Speaker 2 Or, I mean, a movie, a Robin Williams movie. He's the star of that movie.
No, I don't think.

Speaker 2 Isn't that a movie about Robin? No, I think that he just did a production of that. What? This guy did that? That's not a movie? I don't think that's a movie.
No. Am I losing my mind? Look up Jamie.

Speaker 2 I thought that was a movie trailer. No.
That wasn't a piece of a film. I think he wrote a scene from, you know what I mean, something that happened in the past.
Another guy, someone else.

Speaker 2 People are saying they should make a bio pick. I've read this.
I thought this was that. They should make a biopic.
This guy should be the guy. You know what I mean? You know who Robin Williams is?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's Genie from Aladdin. Correct.

Speaker 2 That is the

Speaker 2 best role he ever did. You're right.

Speaker 2 And Jumanji. Correct.
Jumanji. Even more specific.
Jumanji. Yeah.
Do you ever see him in one-hour photo?

Speaker 2 Woof. You want to talk about a fucking

Speaker 2 creepy role. Really good.

Speaker 2 He also did a

Speaker 2 that picture of him in one hour photo. Look at the image of him.
Now tell me, Jules, how do you feel about that guy?

Speaker 2 Woof. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Scary. Looks like any member of my family.
Yeah. 100%.
He also did

Speaker 2 Christopher Nolan a movie with Al Pacino. Hmm.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Did I get that wrong? Insomnia. Insomnia.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he was pretty good in that too. God, he's phenomenal.

Speaker 2 What a

Speaker 2 fucking. Did you ever see Goodwill Hunting?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Is he in that?

Speaker 2 Yeah. He's the therapist?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess he's a therapist in a way. It's like, have you seen Mark Hamill in Star Wars? He's Luke Skywalker.
Actually, Rudy just saw Star Wars for the first time. You did?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Which one? New Hope? Mm-hmm.
From beginning to end? Mm-hmm. What do you think? What do you think?

Speaker 2 All the people there were white. All the people there were white.

Speaker 2 That is true. That's a good observation.
Well, no. I didn't see any brown people.
You saw a black person?

Speaker 2 No. Darth Vader's not black?

Speaker 2 That's his mask. He's white underneath.

Speaker 2 No, the voice is.

Speaker 2 He's white. The voice.
Who does the voice? Well, that's true. Yeah.
But that's not a black guy in there.

Speaker 2 That's true. Damn.
Because of genetics. Uh-huh.
Yeah. Why would he, you know what I mean? Why would he spawn Princess Lee?

Speaker 2 In my head. Right.
Yes. Well, they should have had the voice.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Because the voice, whoever voiced Darth Vader.
Black guys have the coolest voices. That's why they did that.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 it was an actual black actor that was.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Because they have the deepest.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like Doc.
Like Doc. Yeah.
Right. But when they lifted open to the mask, obviously it's got to be a white guy.
It's got to be white. That's the one thing that stood out, eh?

Speaker 2 Was everybody was white. But you didn't see the second one.
There's one black guy in the second one. One.
There's one black guy. But he runs a city.
That's a good thing.

Speaker 2 He runs Cloud City. That's like a, like, it's not like he's like a janitor.
If he was a janitor at Cloud City, and they just ran by this guy, right? Hey, I'm Lando, right? Watch it, right?

Speaker 2 He does run a city. Right, so he's the guy at the city.
But. What?

Speaker 2 But.

Speaker 2 He's untrustworthy.

Speaker 2 Who knows what he's doing over there?

Speaker 2 Cloud City. Cloud City.
Yeah. Yeah.
Sounds like a drug cocoa. I mean,

Speaker 2 sounds like a criminal's haven, maybe. Maybe, yeah.
But you know what?

Speaker 2 I'm going to look at the positive, right? And he's in charge of mining.

Speaker 2 Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah.
And

Speaker 2 that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 Mining for. Yeah.
But you saw the first one and didn't like it.

Speaker 2 I liked it, but

Speaker 2 just wasn't the thing. Yeah, and I thought Luke was going to be hot, but he's not hot.
Oh, well.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, if that's your basis on

Speaker 2 is that how you watch things now? Yeah. That you want, they have to be hot? Yeah.
So if they're ugly, you're not watching it, huh?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Can I be very honest? I respect the fuck out of that.

Speaker 2 Miundi. I'll tell you something, pal.
You know,

Speaker 2 I like to wear high-class stuff on my flesh. On your flesh has to be high-class.
It has to be high-class because I'm a high-class guy. Yeah, you are.
And my underwear is strictly only meandy.

Speaker 2 It's fact. Fact because of

Speaker 2 the type of

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And the designs. You get so emotional.
You do. You get so emotional.
I get choked up.

Speaker 2 And also, I love the designs. I have ones that have fruit on it and pandas.
I have a little pizza, too. Raccoons.
Raccoon. Oh, the raccoon.
I love the raccoons. You know what just dropped, though?

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Speaker 2 That's boxofawesome.com, code bad friends for 20% off your first box because in korea right we're not in korea anymore we came here for the freest country in the world dude no ain't nobody going to tell you what you can't see what i'm saying is is that her

Speaker 2 she has a filipino mindset right and in the philippines right they look at more of looks than talent right like for instance we could have america could have a philip seymour hoffman

Speaker 2 Because he walks in, he's not like, you know what I mean, a Tom Hardy looking character actor, right? Yeah. Rest in peace, but he's so legitly skillful.
Yeah, he's

Speaker 2 undeniable that they don't, you know what I mean, talent supervisor. So

Speaker 2 you're telling me Philip Seymour Hoffman would never get famous in the Philippines? I don't think so.

Speaker 2 I think they would put him in some weird variety show where they're putting, you know what I mean, black sludge on him. I mean, they're like, bung die, bung die, and they're, you know what I mean,

Speaker 2 beating him with sticks, beating him with sticks, and he's doing a funny dance, and then they fucking do it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Then they zoom that. It becomes, you know what I mean? But that's it.
That's all he is? Yeah. So

Speaker 2 their looks first, talent, second. You and I would never do well over there.
Yeah. Like, like, if you

Speaker 2 would.

Speaker 2 What? You guys could be in the squid game. Yeah, but I'm not going to be probably the lead.
I'm probably going to be like, I'll probably die at the first.

Speaker 2 And I die right after you. It seems like I'm not going to die.
Right. You know, like, the guys are running down the end.
You have a

Speaker 2 shootout. And then you're gone.
And I'm like, I'll make it up to you. And the moment I turn around, right in my face.
Doing it. I got a half a second left.
I've thought about that, right?

Speaker 2 That first game where we're stop in motion and go.

Speaker 2 I swear to God,

Speaker 2 number one, you'd be the guy behind me so it wouldn't sense me.

Speaker 2 I know this. And you would duck down, and I'd be like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? Don't worry about it, dude.
Don't worry. My knee hurts.
That's why I'm behind you. My back and my sciatic.

Speaker 2 And then once they say, go,

Speaker 2 we'll go. And when we stop, you'll push me.

Speaker 2 And I'll get shot. Would you do that? Yeah.
Why? Just because

Speaker 2 it's not a game because i'm gonna die soon too that's true it's like we might as well have some fun die fun yeah because at least i'll laugh you'll go what the fuck

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 they're bound to kill me too yeah she would get clipped fast too she no she would make it really yeah look at her face she doesn't even believe it you don't think you would make it

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 i don't think so maybe in the middle Somehow, Andres would make it through Squid Game just because he's just a little, he's a little sneaky little rat. You know, he's such a little.
Let me see.

Speaker 2 Let me see. I'm going to do a motion, and you tell me to stop.
Okay. I did it, right? I'm going to do a motion and see if I'm going to be good at it, right? Go.

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 2 Let me give you another shot. Give me another shot.
And go.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, no, you're dead. You're dead.
You're dead. I know I'm dead.
You do it. All right.
Right. And

Speaker 2 go.

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 2 Oh, you mean me? Maybe. Maybe.
You did have a little shake. You do the little shake.
You gotta let the juice come out. All right, let me try one more time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Go.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 2 Pretty good. Pretty good.
Yeah, yeah. But I do.

Speaker 2 Let me try one. Let me try one.
Ready?

Speaker 2 And go.

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's good.

Speaker 2 You did really good. No, no, you're safe.
Good, good, good, good. Jules, your turn.

Speaker 2 You have to do one. You have to do one.

Speaker 2 Okay, you ready? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Go.

Speaker 2 All right. Yeah.
So. No.

Speaker 2 No, you can't stop. You can't stop.

Speaker 2 Joe, she stopped when I said stop.

Speaker 2 That was good. That was really good.
Wow, that actually worked. That was really good.
Damn, that was really good. And then there's another, what's the game after that? Was it the tug-of-war?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, that was right.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I wonder, okay, let's suppose this team, all right?

Speaker 2 Me, you,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 Me, you, and Jules versus those guys, George, Andreas, and

Speaker 2 Pete. Easy.
What? Them. Them.

Speaker 2 Because of Pete. We're fucked.
Because of Pete. Because of Pete, though? Yeah.
Because of Pete. 100%.
Pete fucks it all up. Yep.
Right. Yep.
What about this then? Okay.

Speaker 2 Me, you, and George, Pete, Jules, and Andreas.

Speaker 2 That's actually more interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Yeah, that's a tight.

Speaker 2 We had nothing against you.

Speaker 2 Did you give them a girl? No!

Speaker 2 That's crazy. No, it's just because...
Just nothing against you. Nothing against you.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I actually.

Speaker 2 Oh, but did I tell you I saw Bond?

Speaker 2 I know that we talked about it last week, but no, I saw it. Didn't like it.
I fucking was in love with it. I loved it.

Speaker 2 It was too little long. A little long.
A little long. A little long.
Little long. Right, right.
I got up to P. I've never had to do that.
Yeah, yeah. It was pretty long.

Speaker 2 But I got to tell you something. Gorgeous.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Who was...

Speaker 2 In your opinion, and we'll move on fast because we've already talked about Bond. Yeah, yeah.
Who was in the movie your favorite cameo in the movie? Cameo?

Speaker 2 Well, or had a short stint in the film because there were a lot of people that came and went in that movie. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what a cameo is. Yeah, I know what a cameo.
Well, you asked it like you never heard of it before. So who had the best cameo?

Speaker 2 I forgot his name. Fancy.
Christopher Waltz. Christopher Waltz.

Speaker 2 It's not even a question. He was amazing.
It's not even a question. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And by the way, this isn't me talking shiz. Yeah.
I like Bottom Tooth. What's his name? Raimi Malak?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like him.

Speaker 2 I like bottom tooth. Yeah, he looks like one of those fishes that's on the deep angler.
He's an angler.

Speaker 2 That he'd be translucent. I mean, he look, he's okay.
How do you think? How do you feel about this guy? How does he look? See, they make him look. That's what he really looks like right now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You like him? He's hot. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Look at that. That is.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, this guy, this girl.
That looks like a car GMC is working on. What the fuck is that? Yeah.
Okay, so compare to that to Luke Skywalker.

Speaker 2 Why am I making fun of you?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 How? What the fuck, Doug? Babe. Babe.
He's so pale.

Speaker 2 So is he? No, he's so pale. Luke.
He's pale. No, no.
He's more pale. Let me tell you something.
This guy is a great actor. Without a best.
Phenomenal. One of the best.

Speaker 2 His lines, his edges of his face scare the shit out of me.

Speaker 2 You feel like he'll fucking cut you with his chin. Right.
But

Speaker 2 I just am being honest. I'm not being a dick.

Speaker 2 But I can feel him acting sometimes in the movie. Yeah.
Christoph Waltz, it was like watching a guy put butter on toast. It was just like a smooth,

Speaker 2 and he was so patient with the way he was doing his lines. It's interesting that you say that because I,

Speaker 2 when he first came out, and his, it was not the energy, but he was like just so in it, right? And like not trying. Oh, dude.
Right? And he slowly builds it. Right.
You're right.

Speaker 2 I mean, his performance. It was good.
Very good. It was good.
Let's not.

Speaker 2 I'm not down on the guy's performance. In fact, if I had a movie, I'd put him in it.
I'd probably put it in it. I might put him in it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, no audition.
No audition. Yeah.
No audition. I mean, he was great in the fucking queen.
He was very good. Freddie Kimerki.
That was a great, very good. Great actor.

Speaker 2 But there were times when, you know, when he was holding the girl. Ah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean? And he's trying to be menacing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did not like it. I didn't like it.
But

Speaker 2 I thought that opening scene, I'm not giving you any plot lines. None.

Speaker 2 The girl in that house

Speaker 2 in the snow, right? Was that unfucking real? Just the way they shot it. So cool.
The pacing, so cool. That's Fukanagua.
Fukuhuama. That's Fukanagua, isn't it? Fukuanagua.
It is, right? Mexican.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Wait, Fukuhama was Mexican? Yep.

Speaker 2 Carrie Fucanagua is the one who shot that. I didn't know that.
And by the way,

Speaker 2 pound for pound, one of the coolest shot Bond movies I've seen. And it's just, it's done well.
It's really well. It's done.
Props, hard props. One of the previews that I saw during it, by the way,

Speaker 2 that I thought was going to piss me off. Oh, no, wait, okay, so we're going to talk about the previews before Bond? Yeah.
All right.

Speaker 2 I'm going to tell you what I liked and will you tell me what you liked. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess what you were going to say.
Which one? Which one? You thought it was going to piss me off, but I actually am excited to see it. Ghostbusters.
100%.

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 2 And initially I thought this is going to fucking piss me off there and do Ghostbusters again. I already fucking the all-girl one from SNL.
God bless those girls. But fuck off.

Speaker 2 That was the worst shit I've ever seen in my fucking life. My friend Katie Diphold wrote it.
Okay.

Speaker 2 That's good. It was a bad movie.
Stop it. Katie's good.
She probably, I'm sure she's incredible. She's a great, great writer.
But that movie wasn't Ghostbusters.

Speaker 2 This version I've been.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why. Because it's kids.
No, no. It looks like the youth exploring the history of Ghostbusters was cool.

Speaker 2 It reminded me of those 1980s.

Speaker 2 There's like a little magic in it, right of like it's uplifting Yes, right, it's kind of the town It's just the music and the way it's shot you have this like kind of magical sensation, right?

Speaker 2 And then once you realize what it is It has the music right. Yep.
The casting. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 The colors all right like the creatures that are like when Paul Rudd is in the fucking grocery store and the little marshmallow, you know what I mean? A little stay puff.

Speaker 2 When I saw that, it was just like goosebumps all over my body. 100%.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 This movie, by the way yeah

Speaker 2 answering the call i'll go back right no disrespect no disrespect it just wasn't ghostbusters is all my point that's all i'm saying it just didn't have the the juzh yeah just didn't and this new one it has it it does yeah and acroid is in it i know amazing okay so that one i was happy about what i can let me guess what you weren't happy with go ahead go ahead matrix

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 Why? Yeah, why? I'm saying, why are we doing that?

Speaker 2 What do you mean, why? Why? Why would I ever want to see this? Oh, oh, why the fuck are we doing it?

Speaker 2 You're correct. You're right.
Oh, I thought you were like,

Speaker 2 I had anything to do with it. No, I'm saying, you're right.
I don't know the answer. I'm agreeing with you.
Oh, yeah, why, Matrix? Why? Why?

Speaker 2 Why? Why? Yeah, I get it. Why? Why? Yeah, why are you doing that? I wanted to say that out loud when I saw it.
Yeah. Why? Now,

Speaker 2 let me get. So, first of all, they're going to fuck it up.
First of all, right? If you're going to put Keanu Reeves in it, he has to be Neo.

Speaker 2 No shit.

Speaker 2 He's the guy. Right.
Neo. Neo.
Carrie-Ann Moss. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 But then you don't put fucking Lords Fishburne in it?

Speaker 2 Why? What does that? Too old? Too old. Someone younger, yeah.
They wanted someone younger. No.
Was it a situation where he got offered the part and then

Speaker 2 he went no. There's no way they didn't offer him the part.
I think they politely have to tell him that they're making the party. We're going a different direction.
You're Morpheus.

Speaker 2 They don't owe him shit. I know, but that's crazy.
There's no way. Studios don't give a fuck.
They're about the money. Look, I'm going to watch it anyway.
Of course, I'm going to watch it.

Speaker 2 I'll wait in line. I'm going to hold it.
I'm going to be the first guy. Yeah.
All right, so

Speaker 2 after I see it, I'm going to love it. I'm going to love every second of it.
Yeah. And even if it's bad, I'm going to say I love it.
Yeah, I'm going to lie.

Speaker 2 And then when I see Keanu, right, I go, I love it. It's the best movie I've ever seen.
I'm so happy that you did it again. Yeah, yeah.
Great job. You know what I suck as dick?

Speaker 2 You can't just say it was a great movie. You could just go, great movie.
I never said that, sucker, anything. Oh, it sounded like you said that.
I never said that.

Speaker 2 All right, what other trailer did I not like? Okay, so, um, well, I'll tell you what I liked. What? Did you was there another trailer you liked?

Speaker 2 No. Oh.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think so. Really? I don't think there was anything else.

Speaker 2 There was a movie with Jessica Chastain and like three other women that are fighters that are.

Speaker 2 Oh, and then Kumail's movie.

Speaker 2 That one premiered that one as well. The Marvel.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. What is that one called? It's called.
Let me don't say it. Okay.
It's Eternals. Eternal.
The Eternals. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good. Fucky.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 here's.

Speaker 2 I'm happy for him because I root for Kumale because I think he's a good dude. Yeah, he's a good guy.
Like, so I'm happy for him. But...

Speaker 2 I understand that.

Speaker 2 I don't know what it is. I didn't get it at all.
The trailer, I was like, what the fuck is this?

Speaker 2 They're running out of.

Speaker 2 Stuff. Yeah.
They're running out of stuff. Look at him there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It is funny he got in such good shape only to put on a full bodysuit. Yeah.
Like look at him. That looks great.

Speaker 2 That does look like one ab is making its way down.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, you know when you get, you know, when your balls, one of them goes up into your body a little bit? Yeah.
That's what happens.

Speaker 2 One of my nuts goes up.

Speaker 2 Now, the veins, did they put that in there? No, no, that's real. No, that's him.
Those are a real vein. They've talked about it on numerous shows.
That's incredible.

Speaker 2 That's incredible. Dune.
Dune.

Speaker 2 Dune did look great. Dune looks great.
Dune looks great. That's fine.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I've seen that before I got in the theater. I hadn't seen the Ghostbusters trailer.
Oh my, that was so magical. So incredible.
But I had seen Dune looking at the game.

Speaker 2 Did you see the Paul Thomas Anderson one, too?

Speaker 2 I've seen the trailer about a thousand fucking times now. That looks good.
Yes. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I think PTA is great. I also think, you know, it's, you know.
Rudy wants to see it. Why?

Speaker 2 No, I want to see it. I'm starting to read the book.
Oh. What book? Dune.

Speaker 2 You got to. You got to.
You know, my brother and I are a big fan of the original. I know it got panned.
The original Dune? I love the original Dune movie. Yeah, it's good.
It's fun. You don't like it?

Speaker 2 It's a little.

Speaker 2 It's horrible. It's a little shitty.
Okay. But it's fun shitty.

Speaker 2 But it's odd. That's what I like about it.

Speaker 2 Because it's David Lynch, right? There are some weird scenes in it. Like with Sting and that other...
Yep. That fat guy that floats.
That Sting thing. That's nice.

Speaker 2 I know, but that, I know, but those two together, as a kid, when you're watching it, it's cool. It's not just cool.
It's scary. It's weird.
It's cool. It's cool because it's fucking weird as shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Weird as shit.
These two. Yeah.
Yeah. When this dude comes out,

Speaker 2 this is the first time I saw a redhead in my life. I'm like, oh, God, that's what they look like.
We protested this because he's not an animal. Yeah, look at him.
Right? And what's the fact?

Speaker 2 What's the fat guy? The fat guy. Show him.
Sting and that other guy. That guy.
That's me.

Speaker 2 That's you. Yeah, that is you.

Speaker 2 Wait, those are are both stages of your life. This is literally my whole family.
That's my family. That's my dad.

Speaker 2 That's you at probably 22. That's you at 60.

Speaker 2 60. Yeah, yeah.
Put it a little bit closer, baby. That's me in about six years.
Yeah. I keep up this pandemic 20 that I keep building on.

Speaker 2 And that's me talking to you. Bobby.

Speaker 2 Is that me? That's you right there. You become an old white guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, but you're going to fart so fucking bad.
Yeah, I'm going to watch that in the theater. Yeah, Dune's going going to be great.
Do you want to watch it? 100%. Let's go.

Speaker 2 But I thought we were going to go to Scary Scare Nights. We'll do that too.

Speaker 2 Why don't we go to Halloween Haunted Scare Nights or whatever the fuck it's called and then go to the theater there? And watch Dune? They have a theater there. Yeah.
Yeah, let's go there.

Speaker 2 Do they have a theater there? At Universal, yeah. Oh, it's the Haunted Haunts.

Speaker 2 Oh, say it again. No, I'm going to give you another shot.
Try it again.

Speaker 2 Can I? Yeah. All right.
Could you say action, though? Here we go. Do they have a theater there? Yeah.
They have a Hollywood Holly on Halloween.

Speaker 2 Say it again? Yeah, we can just go after we do Halloween horror horror. They have a holiday Hannah, huh? They have a Hanada.

Speaker 2 What is it called, though? Halloween horror nights.

Speaker 2 Halloween horror nights? Hollowed out horror nights. Hollowed out? Halloween horror nights.
Say it again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they have at Halloween horror nights. Halloween horror nights? Yes.

Speaker 2 Sounds like you're saying horn nights.

Speaker 2 I have problems with my H's and R's.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Say

Speaker 2 Say Harissa. Harissa.

Speaker 2 Harissa. Harissa.
Say. No, it's got to be like a sentence with a bunch of H's in it.
A bunch of H's? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Do one of those little rhyme things where it's

Speaker 2 a seashell, seashells by the seashore. Do that with H's.
What are those things even called?

Speaker 2 Algorithms?

Speaker 2 What is it called, fancy? Tongue Twister. Tongue Twister.
Tongue Twister. Oh, yeah.
Tongue Twisters with H. Tongue Twisters with H.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's see if we can. Oh, let's see any of these.
All right, go ahead. Let's see if you can do any of these.
Okay, but do it fast. Oh, there.
Can we do it fast?

Speaker 2 Zoom it in more because my eyes are blurry. Jesus, more, more.
It's huge. It's like

Speaker 2 all right, so let me go first. I'll do the whole number one.
Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Peter Piper picked a peck a pick, pickle, peck, peppers.

Speaker 2 Pickle, pepper, pick a pick.

Speaker 2 If Peter Piper picked a pick, peck a pick, pickle, peck of where's the peck of pickle peppers to peck, pepper, peep, pick.

Speaker 2 That's a really good.

Speaker 2 Thanks.

Speaker 2 Wait, go up. Let me try.
Yeah, yeah, go. Fast, though.

Speaker 2 Peter Piper picked a pick of pickup pepper. I'll pick a pickle pepper.
Peter picked. If Peter Picker picked a pick of pepper peppers.
Where's the pick of pepper? Peter Piper picked.

Speaker 2 It's hard, right? And then go, Jules.

Speaker 2 Fast.

Speaker 2 Peter, pick a pick of pickle peppers.

Speaker 2 A pick of pickle peppers. Peter Piper picked.
If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickle peppers, where's the pick a pickle pepper pepper dick?

Speaker 2 Dick was in there for some reason. Alright, what's the second one? I've never even heard the second one.
The second one's just a rap verse. It is?

Speaker 2 Betty bought but some butter, but she said the butter bitter.

Speaker 2 If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter. A bit of butter, batter will make my batter better.
Better bit of butter, butter, bitter, bitter butter.

Speaker 2 But she said the butter, bitter, bitter, better.

Speaker 2 But a bit.

Speaker 2 Yo, yo, man, yo, man, listen to me, dog. Yo, but a bit of better butter will make my batter better.
Uh-huh. So twice, better, better, butter, but

Speaker 2 a bit of bit of butter.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, thanks, man. The Korean MM.
Korean M ⁇ M.

Speaker 2 How much wood would a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck as he would, as much as he could, as much wood as a woodchuck could if a woodchuck would.

Speaker 2 You know why you go that? Because it's reading a sentence. Not only that.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 You did that in the woods of Detroit or wherever you're from. Chicago, and you know this.

Speaker 2 Same. Oh, no.
Yeah, in the Midwest. Yes.

Speaker 2 You and your pals, your Jeffrey Dahmer-looking friends. Yeah.
Right. We're out, right?

Speaker 2 Let's play a word game, guys. Yeah, in the woods.
Yeah, and then you guys would do this one. All the time.
See, I wouldn't even be able to do that. Let me try.

Speaker 2 How much would a woodpecker.

Speaker 2 Zoom in if I can. It's so big.
I know I have a figure. I wish the thighs are so bad.
It's fucking huge. How much would a woodpecker woodchuck?

Speaker 2 No woodpecker. Oh.
Woodchuck. How much would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck heat wood.
As much as he could. As chuck chuck, as a wood wood.

Speaker 2 As a woodchuck, if I would chuck, could chuck wood.

Speaker 2 By the way,

Speaker 2 that should be the way. If you were trying to find out if an Asian person can get into this country,

Speaker 2 it would be that.

Speaker 2 How much would we chuck chuck wood?

Speaker 2 There would be no Asians in this country. I know.
If you had to read that, this is a citizenship test for that?

Speaker 2 You're looking to kind of. Yeah.
Hi. Hi.
You ready to take your citizenship test? I am. All right.
Well, let me tell you something, Yoshi. This is not going to be easy, but if you fail in saying this,

Speaker 2 Toshi, if you fail in saying, no, where are you going?

Speaker 2 I'll leave it. Toshi.
Okay, Toshi, sorry about that, sir.

Speaker 2 Well, we'd love to have you as a United States citizen. Ready? Yeah, all you have to do is read this phrase, and that's all you have to do.
And you're in the country. That's it.
That's it. That's it.

Speaker 2 But you can't screw it up. Yes.
All right, Toshi, so go right ahead. Number three: How much war?

Speaker 2 You're out.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, Tosh. In my house? Yeah, you're gone.
Oh, bye. You know what? You know what?

Speaker 2 But we like you. Yeah.
Let's give you one more try.

Speaker 2 How fast? Can I do slow? It has to be very fast. All right.

Speaker 2 Come on, Tosh. How much wood a wood chuckle? chuck if a wood chucker could a chuckle wood?

Speaker 2 Sorry, Tosh. That's going to be the end of it.
What about my wife? Oh,

Speaker 2 would you like to try? Yeah, yeah. I'll try.

Speaker 2 Where's your accent?

Speaker 2 Where's your accent?

Speaker 2 What, you come to America, all of a sudden you have an American accent? Did you lose?

Speaker 2 Did you lose hazy? Yes.

Speaker 2 I'll try. Oh,

Speaker 2 what?

Speaker 2 She's from Wisconsin. Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? He would chuck, he would, he would. As much as he could.
You can't repeat it. You're out.
You guys are both. These are crazy.

Speaker 2 These are crazy. She sells, she is selling.

Speaker 2 You know, when like a racist person yells, go back to your country? They should have this on a sheet of paper and be like, read this or go back to your fucking country, gang. You know what I do?

Speaker 2 Like, does this work for you? Red leather, yellow leather?

Speaker 2 Red leather, yellow leather? Yeah, like, so. Oh, warm-up exercise.
When you do warm-up. That one works for me.
Red leather.

Speaker 2 Like when I'm acting, right, and i have a long thing to say yeah and i get things jumbled up in my head yeah when i say red leather yellow leather right that works it does work for me really here's another thing that works what watermelon watermelon yeah so it's like um eat it what like do you physically eat watermelon no oh what the no when you're lip syncing when you say water well it usually lines up Oh, like if I'm talking, let's say I'm saying watermelon, watermelon, watermelon, and you talk, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You're my voice, it'll probably line up. All right, let's try.
All right, ready?

Speaker 2 Hey, this is Bobby Lee, and I got to tell you something.

Speaker 2 I am a blatant homosexual. I've talked about it on this show so many times.
No, it doesn't. It doesn't even look up.
I'm wrong about that. Yeah, you're way off.
100%.

Speaker 2 Because it looks like you're just saying watermelon.

Speaker 2 That's true. It doesn't even remotely look like you're saying anything out of it.
No, I know, no, I know why I know that. Why?

Speaker 2 Because years ago, like,

Speaker 2 when I used to, I was on a shoe, I did a pilot called,

Speaker 2 I did one with Steve Renazzizzi and Steve Howey, I forgot what it was called, and Steve Howe and Steve Howey and Zoe Lister Jones. And so I had a lot of scenes where I was like

Speaker 2 in the background, and they would like, you're in the background, Bobby, you're talking. So I just didn't know what to say.
Some one extra from Chicago, we shot in Chicago.

Speaker 2 He was like, you know, like a pro

Speaker 2 extra. A background guy saying,

Speaker 2 yeah, he goes, kid, you know what the trick is? I go, what? Just say watermelon. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Over and over again.

Speaker 2 So if you see the pilot, I guess you'll see me go,

Speaker 2 and I always thought that that would work, but it probably doesn't. No, because you're faking a conversation.
You could just go anything. And then it looks like you're going.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 2 Did you make any of those Star Wars? Did you make anything yet? Not yet. Okay.

Speaker 2 Jules? All right.

Speaker 2 Do you remember Obi Wan Kenobi?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's the one that Princess Leia made a record with R2D2. That's true.
And in the bar, he walks into that bar, right?

Speaker 2 And when he pulls out his lightsaber and turns it on. Saber.
Lightsaber. Saber with a B.

Speaker 2 Saber? Not as lightsaber. No.
It's not saving light. It's lightsaber.

Speaker 2 It does save lives, though. So light saver? I guess it's called a lightsaber.
I wish that was lightsaber because it saves lives.

Speaker 2 I guess you're right, actually. Thank you.
So when he pulls out his lightsaber. Lifesaver.
Yeah, saver. What does he do with it?

Speaker 2 He swishes it around.

Speaker 2 Did not see it. Did not see it.
100% did not see it. 100% see it.
You saw clips on YouTube, didn't you? No, I was watching it, but.

Speaker 2 But you weren't watching it. I was the one watching it.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Give it another shot. That's

Speaker 2 another question. Yeah, give her another one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, give her another one. Okay.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 2 when they capture Princess Leah,

Speaker 2 what's what, first of all, what's the planet called? Or the, the

Speaker 2 no, just listen, okay? Okay.

Speaker 2 It's the most notorious thing, right? They're like clothing brands and bands named after. So it's like, where Darth Vader is, right? It's

Speaker 2 a spaceship that looks like a planet.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right? What's that called?

Speaker 2 It didn't say that. Yeah, it does.
It does. A million times.
Is it Imperial

Speaker 2 Forest?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Imperial.

Speaker 2 Imperial Forest. No.
It's called the Death Star. No, it's called the Imperial Forest.
Death Star is the weapon. No.
No. You didn't see it.
You didn't see it.

Speaker 2 So anyway, when Princess Leia is on the Death Star, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. And she and Darth Vader.

Speaker 2 i want to see her so there's a scene where they're on a deck yeah right what does darth vader do

Speaker 2 to show what he wants to show her something what is what does he show her

Speaker 2 he shows her

Speaker 2 planets that are exploding that's true that is true that's true that's what he's one planet

Speaker 2 planet that are her home planet a planet exploding yeah her home planet that's what i said okay you said planet it's simpler all right

Speaker 2 last one last one okay she's at my pad all right here's the last one all right it is yeah

Speaker 2 so when han solo right

Speaker 2 princess lead so han solo princess le

Speaker 2 can you say leia princess leia it's lifesaver got it

Speaker 2 okay i got it all right thank you yes Princess Leo. So when Princess Leah...
My last name's Lee. Yes, I know.
And it's the only way I can memorize it. I get it.
Princess Leah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Princess Leah, right?

Speaker 2 They escape, right? And now stormtroopers are fighting.

Speaker 2 Where do they fall into?

Speaker 2 They fall into

Speaker 2 a black hole.

Speaker 2 But then they were saved. Yeah, you didn't see it.
You definitely didn't see it.

Speaker 2 It's one of the most notorious scenes.

Speaker 2 They fall into like a garbage, you know what I mean, disposal place, right?

Speaker 2 Yes, where they get ground up. Yeah, and then what happens in that garbage disposal place?

Speaker 2 C3PON. He's not even in it.
Oh. Yeah, he's not even in there.

Speaker 2 Someone saves them. How?

Speaker 2 Obi-Wan. Okay, you did not fucking see it.

Speaker 2 You have to watch it again. You never fucking saw it.
We're going to do another test next week. It's so boring.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 How is Star Wars fucking boring?

Speaker 2 Her generation would hate Star Wars.

Speaker 2 They have no connection to it. I know, but I want to say this, okay? And I really mean this, right? Sometimes I play stupid on the show.
We all do. That's the fun of the show.

Speaker 2 That's the fun of the show. Like, I don't know what I'm talking about, right? But this is a real thing.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It's just listen to me. I think this is very important, right? When you're watching something, you also have to put yourself in that generation or that time it came out.
Right. Right.

Speaker 2 So it's like, when I listen to like

Speaker 2 let's say a band like the stooges right

Speaker 2 obviously they didn't have the kind of recording equipment and types of things that we have now right the effects right but i put myself in that era and also you have to think to yourself where was music at at that point right so what you realize what they were doing was innovative and different yep right you have to kind of put yourself there it's like when you're watching a history reading a history book right and you're reading it it's like you can't go, well, why didn't you know I mean, they nuke like in the 1700s,

Speaker 2 why didn't they nuke it? Because they didn't have nuclear fucking weapons back then, right? You have to look at what they had back then, right?

Speaker 2 So when you look at a fucking movie like Star Wars, you realize that it was the first of its kind. It was, right? All those spaceships and stuff, it wasn't fucking CGI.

Speaker 2 It was real models. The real models.
Right? They painted that shit, right? And they zoomed in and they did all that shit that was was like so like innovative. And

Speaker 2 do you understand what I'm saying? Also, Star Wars,

Speaker 2 they were put in like in the valley in some weird warehouse where there was no air conditioning. And they were just sweating it out, building this shit.
Kind of like using it now. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 And the studio is like, this is not going to work, right?

Speaker 2 When fucking Steven Spielberg showed it to his friends, the first original version, he showed it to George Lucas,

Speaker 2 Brian DePama, Scorsese, all these legendary, right? He brought them all over. He's like, look at my, George Lucas, look at my movie.

Speaker 2 After the movie was done, they looked at him and goes, it's terrible. Don't even release it.
Right. So then what George Lucas did was he found a fucking different editor, right?

Speaker 2 And he made the action be the editing technique in terms of that comes first. So everything, you know what I mean, is spliced based on the action.

Speaker 2 It changed the movie. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 That's what you have to do when you watch a movie like that. But to you, there's no, you're like, oh, that doesn't look real.
Or, you know what I mean? There should be more explosions.

Speaker 2 She's saying, yeah, Luke. Oh, Skymarker's.
I don't like his 70s haircut. He's not hat because he was in the 1970s, lady.
Yeah, lady. Okay, I'll watch it again.

Speaker 2 Hey, Rudy, what did we miss from your review?

Speaker 2 From my review.

Speaker 2 From my review.

Speaker 2 I said

Speaker 2 the acting

Speaker 2 Luke is looking acting is bad.

Speaker 2 The cinematography looks old.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 But I like the theme music. The music you liked.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 In conclusion, it was kind of boring.

Speaker 2 What do you give it?

Speaker 2 How many stars out of five?

Speaker 2 Two. Two stars.
All right, you know what? Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Star Wars, a two-star movie.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. You know what? Look at me right now.
I'm going to give you spoilers. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. Because you're not going to watch the second one, which is the best one.
Wait, make her watch it. No.
You should watch it for me. I'll watch it.
No, you're not going to watch it. All right.

Speaker 2 You're not going to watch it. And I'm going to tell you something.
I'm getting angry. Okay.
I'm going to give you some spoilers. And everyone's listening, so everyone knows the movie.
All right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. You know who Luke Skywalker, right, and Princess Leah, you know who they are? In In relation to each other.
Siblings. They're siblings.
Who is their dad? Darth Vader. You already know this?

Speaker 2 How the fuck do you already know this? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I was just looking at.

Speaker 2 She looked online. I'm sure it's all over the internet.

Speaker 2 I'm impressed. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm impressed by how much she hates it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've never heard anyone hate it. But you know what? Her generation, who knows? I bet you we have to have fans that are in their young 20s that also hate the fucking movie.

Speaker 2 I'm sure there's I'm sure there are, yeah, they're out there. Yeah, I'm worried.
I'm curious to see if you saw a movie like Taxi Driver or something dark. She's never gonna like it.

Speaker 2 She's never gonna like it. Yeah, you're not gonna get it because it's like Dog Day Afternoon, she'll hate that fucking movie.
Oh my god, what a great movie!

Speaker 2 Because based on the true story, that thing you won't like that.

Speaker 2 You should try. You should try.
We should make you try these on this off week and see which one you actually like. No, you know, we should do every week at the end, right, a movie reveal.

Speaker 2 Jules movie reveal. Yeah, yeah.
And we'll make her watch classics. You have to watch them.
So what am I going to watch now? So let's make her watch. Make her watch Dog Day Afternoon.

Speaker 2 I think something. That's a phenomenal movie.
And it also has themes that are, without ruining it, that is something that's current in this day and age.

Speaker 2 I think something's a little bit more dark than that. Raiders.

Speaker 2 Raiders are the lost. Raiders are no.
No, what? Not Raiders of the Lost. I mean, that's great.
That's great. No, he's meaning like something.
He wants dark.

Speaker 2 What about this? Apocalypse.

Speaker 2 Apocalypse Now. Fine.
Apocalypse Now, great. Or Clockwork Orange.
Clockwork Orange. Clockwork Orange.
Sorry, you're watching Clockwork Orange. You're watching Clockwork Orange

Speaker 2 this week. All right?

Speaker 2 Great. She just comes back.
She's like, I watched that movie Orange County. It wasn't good at all.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called Clockwork Orange, Stanley Kubrick.

Speaker 2 When the movie came out, it was banned from England. Correct.
Right? Or Europe or something. I think it was England.
England, yeah. I think it was England.
What a weird movie. Amazing.

Speaker 2 Oh, what a weird, good movie. I remember it gave me like daymares.
You know, like what nightmares nightmares at day? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'd think about it during the day and be freaked out with my eyes wide open thinking about how creepy it was. I remember watching as a kid going,

Speaker 2 like literally jerking off to the milk bar. Oh, the milk bar is the hottest thing in the world in the world.
Yeah. Right.
So these gang. I don't know.
Don't give it up. Don't give it up.
All right.

Speaker 2 I feel like those milk bars were like sexy to me. It was a Milco Villo set.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, so you're watching a Clockwork Orange. Okay.
You logged in. You excited?

Speaker 2 And I want real notes. Yeah, and I don't want you to be texting.
Yeah, no, no. Your phone should be shutting down.

Speaker 2 I don't want you to be texting or anything or watching your anime because I know you have two gadgets sometimes.

Speaker 2 I know you do that. I only have one.
No, I dude.

Speaker 2 All the time I see you watching shit and doing shit on your phone. Okay.
Do you not do that? I don't. Yeah, you do.
Let me ask you something. Do you do that?

Speaker 2 In what? Do you do that? Do you do two things that want to watch a thing and be on another gadget? If I'm watching a docuseries, I'll do that. But right now I'm watching a show called Succession.

Speaker 2 The best. Succession? Yeah.
It's the best. I didn't know about it.
And I

Speaker 2 know.

Speaker 2 Are you starting from the first season? Yeah. Whoa, it's so good.
It's so good. And I'm now at the last, tonight I'm watching the last episode.
Of the first season. First season.

Speaker 2 But there was a couple episodes before that that made me laugh. So fucking hard.
Which one? We've all seen it. It's where they go to the fucking that bachelor party.
Uh-huh. Right.

Speaker 2 And then Tom. Tom is so fucking good.
He's so fucking good in that show. God, he's funny.
Right. Tom goes, that girl, that's the girl, right? And what he does.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, man. I know exactly.
He openly admits that. Yes.
Right? Like, almost in a bragging way. Tom, yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then at the end, when they're walking out, they go, good job, Tom. We heard, like, it went around.
I guess it's like, everybody. Everyone knows about it, right? It's so fucking funny.
Beyond.

Speaker 2 There's also a scene when

Speaker 2 the daughter is begging to go see her dad. Shi Mom.
Right. And Maria or the mother or the stepmother, Marsha.
Yeah, the stepmom or whatever. Yeah, yeah.
Say, he's not well.

Speaker 2 You know, give it some time. And she's insisting to go up there.
Right? So she just barges up there. She's like, you're not going to, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And there's a scene, a very intimate moment, where she puts her hand on her dad, and he's, you know, he had, he says, a

Speaker 2 brain aneurysm. He's in and out of consciousness.
She had a stroke, right? A stroke, right?

Speaker 2 And there's a touching scene where he goes, I love you. You know, you know that he's never said that probably before.
Ever. She starts tearing up, right?

Speaker 2 Then he grabs her hand and tries to get her hand to touch his penis. Yeah, it's the funniest thing on earth.

Speaker 2 So fucking funny, right? That show is so good. It's so good.
And I'm excited because of a show like this because

Speaker 2 I didn't know what it was. I can't believe you never saw it.
No, my. It's so popular.
I know. My friend Gene was like, you haven't seen it? It's just, you know, there's so much shit out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, too many shit.

Speaker 2 You miss it right yeah so now watching it and I have now second the second season that I've never seen and then also the third season coming out I'm so fucking excited just wait I'm excited about the third season great you know who kills it on that show by the way Kieran Kalkan yeah he does do great I love him but who's who to you makes you chuckle because it's he's so funny and dumb Greg Greg is fucking unreal dude I feel so bad for him oh he's the best yeah wait till second season you're gonna love it I just you know I'm afraid that he's gonna die he's not gonna die is he doesn't die.

Speaker 2 Thank God. I don't know what happens in the third season.
But he's so dumb. So good.
I know. In the show.
Is he not dumb? Nicholas Braun. His name is Nick Braun.
He's a fucking great actor.

Speaker 2 He's friends with people I know really well. Really?

Speaker 2 When the show came out, I reached out to him online and I was like, I want to tell you, dude, you steal comedy scenes from that show because it's his nervousness and he throws away a dumb line. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And because the way he goes, so you know, when he throws away something small, it's so fucking funny. Like, he's so out of touch, it's great.
Yeah, he's like the characters. It's fucking phenomenal.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's a great show. What a great show, anyway.

Speaker 2 All right, so listen, yeah, I'd like you for I'd okay, I'd like you to sing you, just you, Bobby Lee, to sing me happy birthday quietly, smoothly, sexily in your own Bobby Lee way. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 May I say something before I go? Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 You know, I could do it comedically.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 okay,

Speaker 2 I could do it with a smile, but I can also do it real and in a way how it really makes me feel about you. Okay.

Speaker 2 But now. Now you're going for comedy? No, no, no.
But now that I just said that,

Speaker 2 it makes me laugh. I know.
Right. So just give me a second.
Go ahead and recoup. We're just recouping.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Why does that happen? We can wait. All right.

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 2 You can't smile. I'm not smiling.
You are smiling. But just when you would do that, you're so feminine when you do that with your hair.
I know, but don't smile. Don't do that.
That's like so.

Speaker 2 Sorry, don't smile. This is a real moment, man.
Okay, I won't. I'm not going to smile.

Speaker 2 Come on. All right, we go

Speaker 2 come on. I tried.
I need this.

Speaker 2 You're right. You're right.
I love you. Please.
I love you. I love you.
I love you, man. I love you, man.
Please.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday

Speaker 2 to you.

Speaker 2 happy birthday

Speaker 2 to you

Speaker 2 happy birthday

Speaker 2 dear Andrew

Speaker 2 Happy birthday

Speaker 2 to you

Speaker 2 thank you, Bob.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Bob. Yeah,

Speaker 2 huge.