Mr. Bond & Odd Job

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 You two or something.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. We got another Mexican in the studio.
I don't think he's. He's not Mexican.
Yes, he is Mexican. Because his name is Carlos.

Speaker 2 What's your last name, Carlos?

Speaker 2 Herrera.

Speaker 2 That's Ju. That's not Jules.
That was Andreasing Herrera.

Speaker 2 Herrera. Herrera.
Herrera. It's Herrera.
It's Herrera. I know Herrera is because I've known you for years.
It's Herrera. Carlos Hareda.
I understand that, right? Carlos.

Speaker 3 Carlos.

Speaker 2 Let's say there's a guy named Toshi Mokufuki.

Speaker 2 Carlos. Herrera.
Let's say this guy's noshikuku. Carlos Movufuki.
Herrera. And if Toshi Mokufuki gets adopted by, you know what I mean, white people.
He's still Toshi Mamafuko. Kiki.

Speaker 2 I know, but he's still white, though. But if he was raised in a white house in like Kalamazoo, Michigan.

Speaker 2 He's still Toshi Makaku.

Speaker 2 He's still going to be Japanese. Oh, that's true.
Yeah. You can't take that away.
You can't take that away. Can you roll your R's?

Speaker 2 Let me hear it.

Speaker 2 See Carlos.

Speaker 3 Carlos.

Speaker 3 Carlos.

Speaker 2 Carlados.

Speaker 2 I can't do it with my tongue, but I can do it with my throat.

Speaker 3 Carlos.

Speaker 2 Carlos.

Speaker 2 Carlos. Carlos.

Speaker 3 Se Carlos. Carlos.
Herrera.

Speaker 2 Here.

Speaker 2 How do you do the tongue?

Speaker 3 Carlos. Carlada.

Speaker 2 Canalingas. How do you do it?

Speaker 3 Carlos. Canalingres.

Speaker 2 I can't do it. I can't roll my tongue.
Can you go against?

Speaker 2 I have a fat Down syndrome tongue. You have a Downy tongue.
I have a Downy tongue.

Speaker 2 You can't do that already. I can't do it.
I've never been able to do it.

Speaker 3 She can do it. Carlos.

Speaker 2 Carlos. All right.
That's perfect, dude. You guys are bragging, man.
Well, we got a new one. Guess what I saw last night?

Speaker 2 Hello. Bind.

Speaker 2 Janis.

Speaker 2 It was really good. It was?

Speaker 2 Really good, man. I love it.
I loved it. You know, I realized when I was watching, I go, I can never be James Bond.
Danny Craig. Yeah.
Now, do you think he's the best James Bond?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You think over Connery? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. Wow.
What do you say, fans?

Speaker 4 Because the best one.

Speaker 2 You think Daniel Craig is dying? Because I don't look at it. I never looked at Connery me.
I was a kid. I never said, I would suck that guy's dick.
You wouldn't? I would suck his dick.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, why is everything gay? like why does it always go to there that's a you thing I know I gotta stop doing that I know so I never looked at Sean Connery and went I would like hug him

Speaker 2 you're you're sexually attracted to Daniel Craig I'm not sexually attracted to him but it's he's just one of those commanding guys that would be like you know all right do you know who these guys are

Speaker 5 I know the latest James Bond

Speaker 2 he's hot he's hot oh so you like him you think Daniel Craig is hot yeah yeah yeah see he is he's handsome I Okay, the best one-looking one was Roger Moore. Right.

Speaker 2 He's traditionally the most sexy, like the most sexy. Yeah, Roger Moore was.
I don't know. Look at that.
He's a mega babe, this guy. Yeah, I know, but his face is old.

Speaker 2 Go to Roger Moore.

Speaker 2 Go to Roger Moore. Roger.
Remember adultery, too, right? Yeah, but Roger Moore, he had more of like a James Bog. You think? No.
He's not handsome at all, do you? That's a bad photo. Switch the photo.

Speaker 2 How was that a bad photo? Go to the fourth one in fourth. Up.
Yeah, that's a great great photo.

Speaker 6 No.

Speaker 2 He's not handsome.

Speaker 2 He's not handsome. Wow.
Wow. I like that.
What about Roger Daltry? That's his name?

Speaker 2 No, what was his name? What was the fourth one? There was one. There was another one that did one movie.

Speaker 2 No, that's the guy. It is Roger Daltry.

Speaker 2 Yes, how about this guy? Is he good as James Bond? Is that the guy from the Hoover? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Timothy Dalton. No, but how about this? Is this guy?

Speaker 2 Can you imagine if they were like, Roger, we're thinking about offering you James Bond. Yeah, yeah.
no shit. They're like, no, shit, never.
You're so fucking ugly. Yeah.
Look at how long that chin is.

Speaker 2 Why the long face, Rog?

Speaker 2 He must have got it tucked. Look at the first picture.
It's almost like he pulled his. It's almost like a sneak shot tonight.
He's just combo the role, right? It's like, I'm James Bond, right?

Speaker 2 Teenage Wasteland. That would actually be cool.
When he's beating someone up,

Speaker 2 Teenage Boyland. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, he could send while he's shooting. Yeah, that's sick.
Yeah, yeah. All right, show the show

Speaker 2 Timothy Dalton. Timothy Dalton.
Dalton?

Speaker 2 Is it Dalton? Timothy Dalton is the name? Yeah, that's it. That's another name.
All right, what do you think about this one? Is this guy a handsome Bond? Yeah. Oh, you like this guy?

Speaker 2 You like this guy. Interesting.
That was a good one. Do you like his butt chin?

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's cute.

Speaker 2 There was only four then, right? There was Sean Connery, this guy. Dalton did two movies, right?

Speaker 2 I think one or two. One.
Two. Roger Moore did a bunch.
Right. Right.
And then Daniel's done three or something. Daniel's done five.
Maybe five, Yeah. Yeah, he's done a bunch.
And Pierce Brosnan.

Speaker 2 Oh, Pierce Brosnan. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Don't forget Pierce Brosnan. All right, bring up the Pierce.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you know he, you know, Pierce Brosnan has a,

Speaker 2 he's got a, what is it called? A Prince Harry or Prince William. What's it called when you pierce your penis? It feels good.
It's called It Feels Good? Yeah. He's got one.
Do you think he is?

Speaker 2 He's not. He's so.
Really? Come on. You know what I love about him, too? That he's just.
No, but his wife is like, you know, a heavier woman, and he doesn't care. What does that even mean?

Speaker 2 We've done this before.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Actually, type in Pierce Braznan, wife, heavier woman, doesn't even care.

Speaker 2 I feel so gross saying it. That picture is not fun for either of us.
Yeah, this is like a. Yeah.
This is like. I mean, he's 90 now.
I know, but nobody wants to have pictures of them on.

Speaker 2 How about this? No more pictures on the beach. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what they just, I just saw a photo of Leonardo DiCaprio on the beach. Oh, I love that one.
The beach beach photo? There's a new one. There's a new one? It's even sadder.

Speaker 2 Oh, I like the older one. Just do on beach.
It's like the saddest thing. No, that's the

Speaker 2 old one, I think. Oh, the new one is the far right, maybe? This one.
Yeah, what? Yeah, that's fine. No, it is, but why? He doesn't want that on the internet.

Speaker 2 Take the cap off. You're in the water, dog.
No, it's not. You like the cap? I think he's cool.
Cap is cool. Yeah,

Speaker 2 but I mean, it's all

Speaker 2 like a Von Dutch hat, too. You know what I mean? He's, that's a.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah, that is. And it's got a little tan line in the bottom.
Well, it's got a bikini. He's burnt.
First of all, he's burnt. He's burnt as fuck.
You didn't think a guy like that could burn?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, go back to the previous page.
Pierce's. Well, that one.
No, not with that one right there. That's the old one, right? Where he's hanging out with...

Speaker 2 What's his name? Yeah. Who is that, by the way? That's the guy from Speed Racer, Emil Hirsch.
Emil Hirsch, yeah.

Speaker 2 Emil Hirsch,

Speaker 2 he's gone, right? He died. No, he's not.
He's alive. Oh, he is? Yeah, Emil Hirsch.
I never knew anymore who dies.

Speaker 2 Anyway, you don't want those pictures on. Go back real quick quick to the page with Pierce Brosnan.
And I got to tell you, even snow. I feel bad for even saying it.
I know, but it's already out there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 I shouldn't say it, but we're all thinking it when you look at that photo. What? Look at the size of her.

Speaker 2 Teeth.

Speaker 2 Oh, her dad. Look at the size of her teeth.
I mean, she has huge teeth. Yeah, she has big teeth.
I mean, those got to be so heavy. Those teeth got to weigh you down.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's no way she has never herniated disc like me. But her stomach is as big as her teeth.

Speaker 2 You see, what I did was I replaced tits with teeth. So, what you would do is replace stomach with another S, a body part that was S that would make sense.
To rewind it. All right.

Speaker 2 I mean, look at the size of her. Her toes are as big as her.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Her toes are as big as her teeth.

Speaker 2 I'm replacing her stomach with an S. Oh, with an S.
Toes with teeth. Tits with toes.

Speaker 2 All right, go ahead. I mean, look at the size of her teeth.
Right. Look at the size of her

Speaker 2 sack.

Speaker 2 Her sack.

Speaker 2 Look at the size of her sack. We call her stomach a sack.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You got a big sack.

Speaker 2 I'll give you another one chance. Look at the size of this girl.
Look at her sockets.

Speaker 2 Her eye sockets. Oh, her socket's big.
Yeah, her eye sockets are big. I mean, that just looks, there's no way that's comfortable.
That looks painful. And I mean that.
I mean, her teeth?

Speaker 2 Her teeth look painful. Yeah.
So wait a minute. Without telling us and every, don't spoiler.
Yeah. Is the movie worth going to see?

Speaker 2 Yeah. It is.
It's still good. Real good.

Speaker 2 And the reason why it's good is I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 2 You're totally confused. I don't know what's going on.
I don't know who's who. I don't know what the factions and the organizations.
I don't know who M is. I don't know who Mulpenny is.
No,

Speaker 2 Money Penny. Yeah, Mulpenny.
Mulpenny. I don't know who Mulpenny is.
I don't know who Brad Williams was.

Speaker 2 Q is. You don't know.
Q? Q is? No, I just, you forget about this stuff. So you're just kind of going.
George is Q. You know that, right? He's Q.
Oh, when it comes to here.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait. When it comes to this podcast, you think you're fucking 007? 100%.

Speaker 2 I hate the fact that you fucking designated yourself as

Speaker 2 what am I then?

Speaker 2 What's a little guy in GoldenEye with the short little midget, the best character you could play? Because he was so low to the ground. He was so fucking fucked up.
What was his name? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I'm the fucking Japanese with the fucking hat. No, you're not.
Why?

Speaker 2 What's the guy from fucking GoldenEye 007, the Nintendo 64 game that was low to the ground? Carlos knows. Carlos.
Odd job. Odd job.
You're odd job. You're odd job.
Look how odd job.

Speaker 2 I don't like how excited you are, man. That's fucking old.
Yeah, that's who I am. You're 100% odd job.
Yeah, I'm odd job. And he was so good to get in the game because he was so low to the ground.

Speaker 2 You couldn't kill him. I am odd job.
I am odd job. That is 100% you, and that's me.
Yeah, yeah. And that's Pete.

Speaker 2 That's you, me, and Pete. Yeah, and who's Q? She's Q, 100%.
Yeah, she's like the weapons person. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. Well, who is fancy? I don't know, but I don't really know.

Speaker 2 You have to be.

Speaker 2 This couldn't line up any better.

Speaker 2 He doesn't have a prevalent part in the movie. Yes, he does.
He's in one movie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you get, what, 20 movies?

Speaker 2 I'm in one movie. It's kind of similar to Real Life.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, Hollywood.
All right, so. Oh my God.
You're odd, Job. There's no way to get out of this.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Right, because he's a fat Asian guy, me too? Bing, bing, bing, bing.

Speaker 2 What else do you like?

Speaker 2 All right. Did you go with him? Did you see? No, no.
I saw with Gene. Oh, you did? My buddy Gene, yeah.
Do you have no interest in going to see stuff like that?

Speaker 5 No, but I want to watch Venom.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's because you have a crush on TH. Yeah, you do.
The first one was weird.

Speaker 2 I liked it.

Speaker 2 I thought it was a little weird. I like Tom Hardy a lot.
He's great. A lot.
Yeah, he's great. So I think this one will be better, maybe.
I think they probably worked out some kinks. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're doing a Matrix 9, too. Do you see the

Speaker 2 new Matrix?

Speaker 2 No. Yeah.
They're doing a new Matrix? They already did it. It's coming on December.
Who is it? Is it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And is Lawrence Fishburne in it? No.

Speaker 2 Really? No. Who is it? But his

Speaker 2 porn star daughter's in it. What? Kidding.
Oh,

Speaker 2 no. Wait, is it? Yeah, who's in it? The same girl, the lady in it.
What's the lady's name?

Speaker 4 Carrie Amos.

Speaker 2 Carrie Anmos. Carrie Ambos.
Carrie Ambos. Yeah, her.
Carrie Anmos is in the middle. Who else is in it? Well, from the trailer, I saw Carrie and Mos, Keanu.

Speaker 2 That's it. That's all I could recognize.
Do the trailer look good? It looked pretty good, it's almost. But they're back in the Matrix.

Speaker 2 Keanu's like older now. He's like, you know what I mean? I got a job.
Well, like, did you watch Bill and Ted, the new one? Was it good? I watched it on an airplane. Bad.
And at the first,

Speaker 2 at the beginning, I was like, this is going to suck. Yeah.
And then at some point, I was like, this is exactly what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be fun and fake and over-the-top and kitschy.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 I liked it. I actually thought it was fun.
I watched it on a plane, but it was a plane movie, so, you know, I don't know. It's not going to win an award.
What are you doing?

Speaker 2 By the way, do you know Madonna was offered that role in The Matrix? And she turned it down. With the Karianne Masa player? She said, no, no chance.
She thought the movie was going to bomb.

Speaker 2 She was like, no one can. Shana was fourth.
On the list. On the list.
I think it went up to Johnny Depp first. Tom Cruise.
Tom Cruise. A bunch of people.
And they're like, nah.

Speaker 2 idiots. I can't believe that.
But you know what's cool is like Sean Connery, right? He turned down Gandalf.

Speaker 2 Unreal. And then, so, this is what he is.
So I swear to God, this has happened. This is what happened.

Speaker 2 So he gets called. He's like, Gondolf, fuck that.
You know what I mean? Give me an Oscar. Fuck that.
Right. Then fucking Lord of the Rings becomes a hit.

Speaker 2 So he calls his agents and goes, I need, you know what I mean? I need something, you know, like some sort of superhero type of sci-fi, right? So that's when he did League of Extraordinary Men.

Speaker 2 no i'm being really he he thought that it just doesn't matter what you just got to do one you just got to do one right and then that fucking ate it

Speaker 2 yeah yeah so he just is he dead he's dead yes yeah he's dead yeah we should go we should play that game who's dead remember that we were so bad at that you and i were like 40 on who's dead no i know who's dead now really yeah i've been reading Are you doing more reading?

Speaker 2 Because when you turn 50, you look up who's dead. Because you're next? Yeah, I think I'm next.
What do you think it would say at the... Do you think you would get to...

Speaker 2 Well, you wouldn't get the Academy Awards memorandum. Would you get it at the Emmys that you think?

Speaker 2 Have you ever been on a show that's been nominated?

Speaker 2 I don't like your tone. I haven't either.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying, I wouldn't make it. I know, but I just don't like your tone.
Would you make it on the Emmys in memorandum? No. You wouldn't.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't even, even if Comedy Central had one, I wouldn't make that one. You know, sometimes they put up like a gaffer on the

Speaker 2 who did that guy know? Like, also, it's like when I, because Norm McDonald's is still up there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Weston P's.
Yeah. How long do you think yours would be up there? At the comedy store? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Probably like split between the early show and the late show. They'd have to take a time.

Speaker 2 No, really, how long? Honestly, a day? Two days? I don't think so. It'd be a week or a week? Yeah.
You'd get a month? I think I would get a week. We'd both get a week.

Speaker 2 Who gets longer than a week then? I don't know. I think

Speaker 2 bigger people, I don't know.

Speaker 2 But I've been, but see, Norm wasn't, Norm wasn't like always, like, he performed there, what, 10 times? He wasn't a store guy. I've been there.
I've performed in that whole life.

Speaker 2 I'm not even kidding, probably

Speaker 2 6,000 times. Well, between that and San Diego.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thousands of times.

Speaker 2 I think, what if they give you a week and a day because of

Speaker 2 your special? I want six months. That's insane.
I want six months. Well, they don't even put up the names anymore, do they? Do they put up names?

Speaker 2 I feel like now the store doesn't even display names who's there. I haven't seen.
I've been there. No, they haven't done that.
It's a long time, no. It's usually now best of or.

Speaker 2 Can I just say another thing that I saw? What did you see? Midnight Mass.

Speaker 2 Oh, the movie Midnight Mass? It's a TV show on Netflix. Oh, Duncan Trussell's thing.
No, but what?

Speaker 2 Is that not his thing? No, that's not his thing, man.

Speaker 2 Do you guys know what Midnight Mass is?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, Duncan's not in it.
What?

Speaker 2 You think you, Carlos? No, no, no, what's Duncan's thing called that is called. It's.
I don't even know who. You know, Duncan Trussell? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Look up Duncan Trussell on Netflix show real fast, just so I know I'm not crazy. Yeah.
What is his called?

Speaker 2 Midnight Gospel. Sorry, it was so fucking far off.
Midnight Mass. All you guys can suck my dick.
It sounds like it wasn't. I was teaching you everything.

Speaker 2 I just never fucking heard of it. Yeah, but the way you came at me when I said it sounded like it wasn't even close.
How did you attack us when I didn't do it? Yeah, you did. Yeah, you did.

Speaker 2 You were like, you made it sound like no. It was so fucking off.
All right, so what was Midnight Mass? Was it good? But you fucked it up. Was it good? Jules, have you seen this?

Speaker 5 I'm planning to watch it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, plan on it. Plan on it.

Speaker 2 She does nothing.

Speaker 2 I don't know what you do. I don't know who you are to the show.

Speaker 2 People just love you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're wrong.

Speaker 2 They're obsessed. All right, so what is this?

Speaker 2 So anyway, hi.

Speaker 2 I can talk about it. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Hi.
Can I say hi first?

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 2 Let's start our energy overall. I think think that's what it is.
I'm having so much fun. I think Carlos coming in.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Much fun. Tell me about Midnight Mass.
I will in my own time. All right.
All right. I don't like being thrown or pushed into something, okay? Okay.

Speaker 2 So I just want to talk about my relation to you right now. All right.

Speaker 2 And I want to say, dude, that you're one of my best friends. You're one of my best friends.
I'm being real. Me too.
And I want to say this also. How's your family? Good?

Speaker 2 How's your family? Good? It's good. Great.
And everything's fine in the house? Yeah. I'm good.
The dog's healthy.

Speaker 2 Oh, I forgot about the dog. He died? It's a girl.
Okay. Yeah, she's fine.
Congratulations. Yeah, I was going to say, she's, yeah.
So, um, you have a good week?

Speaker 2 Just let me do what I. It's my podcast, too.
I had an okay. It's my podcast, too.

Speaker 2 I was trying to lead you back to midnight mass. And I will do it in my own way.
Yes, ma'am. Okay.
I did have a good week. Good.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I got sick and my bad

Speaker 2 got messed up. What did you get? I had an infection.
Midnight Mass is.

Speaker 2 that's all. I wanted to do it in my own time.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It's one of those shows where

Speaker 2 when you turn it on,

Speaker 2 you go, I don't know what this is, and I don't think I like it, but it's shot so well, and it's still compelling that you just go through it.

Speaker 2 You watch the first one, you're like, because it seems like.

Speaker 2 Are the actors good? Amazing.

Speaker 2 From cinematography to direction, everything is amazing, but it's one of those feelings of like, is this like lost in the sense that like nothing really means anything? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's just like these mythological scares, something flying in the sky, they never explain it, this and that, right?

Speaker 2 But by the third episode, what happens? I don't want to give it away, but when you're watching, then once you figure out what it is,

Speaker 2 you go, I love it. Yeah.
You know, you really get in. Yeah.
So in the beginning, you're like, I don't know what this is.

Speaker 2 It's there's some weird surreal moments in it and these quirky characters and this and that. But then after third or fourth episode, when it all goes, you kind of, oh,

Speaker 2 this is this kind of movie. Oh, it's a movie.
A TV show. Oh, TV.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many episodes is it? And I'm going to give it away now.
Oh, you're going to review it?

Speaker 2 I want it so bad. You can't because it's so new.
I know. Do you know any of the actors in it? Like, do you recognize anybody? Yeah, E.T.'s in it.

Speaker 2 Elliot, I mean.

Speaker 2 No, Elliott from E.T.? Oh, he is? Yeah. What's his name? Henry.
Mike Flanagan? No, that's the director and a writer. Oh, Mike Flanagan.
Yeah. He does

Speaker 2 Hill House.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everyone was great in it, especially the main priest. He was amazing.
But the show is really good. It's just a slow burn, but I think by the third and fourth episode, you get it.

Speaker 2 And you're like, this is amazing. What's that kid's name that was in E.T.?

Speaker 2 Henry?

Speaker 2 Is his name Henry? I don't remember. What's his name? They don't know.
Elliott. Elliott was the the name of the.
From E.T. Henry Thomas.
Henry. Did I say that right? I said Henry, right? You did.

Speaker 2 You did? Yeah. Henry.
Have you seen the tape of him crying to Spielberg? No. You've never seen that on YouTube? I don't want to see it.
That little blood crying.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do it. It's the best.
Oh, his audition? Yeah. Oh, I bet.
It's great. She's a great actor.

Speaker 2 Spielberg is like.

Speaker 2 I don't want to give it away, but you'll see it.

Speaker 2 It's powerful. Did you ever see E.T.
Kiddo?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 Man. There it is.
It's the first one. Oh, my God.
This is powerful.

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All right. Okay, so no, no, no, let's don't just play yet.
So

Speaker 2 I just want to.

Speaker 2 I'll set it up for Jules. Let's just set it up.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, she's never seen the movie. It's not just the auditioning process.

Speaker 2 So there's probably nine kids, maybe.

Speaker 2 It's not a cattle call, but they probably have about five. I think at this point, they probably got three.

Speaker 2 Let's say four. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 2 I don't want you to win. I know.
Yeah. So let's just say it's probably down to two or three.
Two or three. Okay, let's go back to two or three.

Speaker 2 Right. And who knows? He could have been first.
He could be last. He could be in the middle.
True. But he probably waited there, right?

Speaker 2 And, you know, it's like at this point spielberg had already done close encounters jaws huge director huge opportunity so there's a lot of pressure i think tons but i think as an adult you take the pressure on in a different way than kids because they don't know what's at stake kind of no we right when we work let's say you're an unknown actor and you're about to audition for Spielberg and you're poor, right?

Speaker 2 And then you're like, well, this could change my life. Tractory.
So all those things come into play when we go in and read. Yeah, he doesn't have to pay rent.

Speaker 2 He doesn't think about those things, you know? But I'm sure he still feels a little nervousness. But

Speaker 2 now he goes in for Steven Spielberg and he reads. Yeah.
And this is what he does. I haven't seen it.

Speaker 8 The government is bigger than you are, Elliot. And I really, I have all the authority to take him.
And I got to tell you, I'm going to take him.

Speaker 8 You can't take him?

Speaker 8 Well,

Speaker 8 I'm afraid I have to, son.

Speaker 8 You can't take him away, he's mine!

Speaker 8 But it's not my choice. The president asked me to come here and get him.
I don't care what the president says. He's my best friend, and you can't take him away.

Speaker 8 Well, it's real possible, Elliot, that he'll come back and you can have him again. But we just want to talk to him and see where he came from and try to find out about other planets.

Speaker 8 And he probably is the key to a lot of things that we have to know.

Speaker 9 But how do I know you're going to bring him back?

Speaker 6 Well, I'm afraid so. I can't guarantee it.

Speaker 9 I think he's afraid of you.

Speaker 9 Well, that may be true, but the government tells me what to do, and I just follow their orders. Well, he's mine, and he lives with me, and he likes me.
And he wants to stay here. He likes it here.

Speaker 9 Well, we wouldn't hurt him or anything. All we're going to do is talk to him.
But I don't want you to take him away.

Speaker 8 You know, I've had to talk to your mom about it, and she knows that the government has the right to do it.

Speaker 9 And who told you all this?

Speaker 9 Well, we learned about it.

Speaker 8 We know that he's somewhere around here.

Speaker 8 I mean, I do have a search warrant. I could look around the house.
Tell me to keep you here.

Speaker 2 Tell me to keep you. That's Spielberg talking.

Speaker 8 Well, I'll tell you what.

Speaker 6 If you let me talk to him for five minutes, I'll tell my boss that you can keep him.

Speaker 6 Would that be okay with you if I could just talk to him for five minutes? Would you feel better then?

Speaker 6 Would you be happy if you could keep him if all I had to do was talk to him for five minutes? That might make your whole day, huh?

Speaker 6 Might make your whole life, huh? And then he'd be your friend forever.

Speaker 8 And I wouldn't take him away.

Speaker 8 Okay, I'll get back.

Speaker 8 Okay, kid, you got the job.

Speaker 2 Can you believe that? Okay, kid, you got the job.

Speaker 2 And then probably.

Speaker 2 But imagine now,

Speaker 2 two kids waiting to read.

Speaker 2 Right? And they're sitting there, you know, they're with their mom, right? Going through, you know,

Speaker 2 I don't want you to take him away. And mom's, you know, why don't you shed a tear? Mom, I'm going to do it when I'm in there, okay? Take him away.
Take him away. Right? Spieber comes out.

Speaker 2 You guys can go home. What?

Speaker 2 Right? And then they just get.

Speaker 2 Do you think they read? No. Yeah.
Okay, kid, you got the job. If Spielberg said that so confidently, it was like

Speaker 2 that was it. It was over.
There was a guy that, like, so Mork and Mindy, when they auditioned Mork. Nanu, Nanu.
Right. So did you, a guy, an actor wrote a book about this.

Speaker 2 About he was right after Robin Williams. Oh, doctor.
Auditioned for Mork.

Speaker 2 Right. So he's at the, you know what I mean, network network or whatever, and he's in the lobby.
And, you know, Robin Williams is in there for an hour.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And like, the walls are shaking.

Speaker 2 He's killing so bad.

Speaker 2 And I never read the book, but I can only imagine him going. Wait, wait, this is funny.
The guy has the script, and the walls are moving as he's reading the script.

Speaker 2 The laughter, he's just shaking against him. Yeah.
You know what I would say? I go, anybody have a pen? Yeah, here you go. And I would go to the sign-in shit and just cross my name out.
Just go home.

Speaker 2 He'd just go home.

Speaker 2 That's the kind of thing you couldn't compete. There's no way.

Speaker 2 It was his role anyway.

Speaker 2 He was born to do that.

Speaker 2 Well, first of all, offer

Speaker 2 offer. Yeah, but also because I think they just wanted to see him play.
Oh, I have a story about Morgan Mindy. I cannot share

Speaker 2 the actor who told me the story. It's private, but I'll tell the story.
But she worked on the show, as many people did. and was an actor on the show.

Speaker 2 And she said, you know, Robin was, you know, he was partied out out all the time. Yeah.
Yeah. I love it.
And he showed up to set one day, and she was new.

Speaker 2 And he comes up and he's like, well, you're going to be with us. You're going to be working with us.
And he's in character, but they're not rolling.

Speaker 2 And then she's like, oh, yeah, I'm going to be working with you. And he goes, ah, yeah.
Welcome to whatever the land was. I can't remember the name where he was from.
What was it called? He was from.

Speaker 2 Nanu, Nanu, is all I know. Oh, fuck.
What was it called? Whatever. He's like, where I come from, we do a little bit of this.

Speaker 2 And he honked her tits.

Speaker 2 I swear to God.

Speaker 2 And he grabbed her hand and he goes, and some of this, and then smacked his pen, like smacked smacked himself on the penis with her hand. And then he goes, Good day.
And then ran away.

Speaker 2 She told me the story. I was like, are you fucking serious? She was like, it was weird.
It was wild and weird back then. Yeah.
He was also laced up on Coke.

Speaker 2 Also, I saw a Richard Pryor, he was in a movie and they did behind the scenes. And he's like, literally just smoking crap.

Speaker 2 Sound good. I mean, back then and how they just let you do it.
Yeah, it was chaos. Yeah, yeah.
It was fucking chaos. Chaos back then.
Smoking crap?

Speaker 2 I Mean imagine that now it's like you're a minute late. Are you kidding me? Fucking a SAG rep will yell at you.
Yeah. If you're like, look, nowadays when I change in the trailer,

Speaker 2 they, you know, sometimes you go to wardrobe changes, you change in front of people. Yeah.
Now I haven't, no, it's not like that anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They don't even want to see you in your underwear because they're like, what if you get offended that I see you changing?

Speaker 2 All this stuff. It's fucking nuts.
Yeah, even

Speaker 2 I was still in Hollywood when you could do weird stuff. Like I would show up in Michael Rosenbaum's dressing room because we did a movie, that movie.
It's kicking out school.

Speaker 2 And we would just, I'd just be naked in there. Right.
Right? Well, you couldn't do, you could do it to a guy friend. You still, you can't do that now, though.
To a guy friend?

Speaker 2 I had just met him that day. Well, that's weird.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We don't have a rapport. I just kind of was there naked, right? Okay, that's it.
And you both laugh, right?

Speaker 2 But my point is, is you can't do that now. No.
Yeah. No, not now.
No. Did I tell you about that one time where I get

Speaker 2 what happened to me at Spling up together? Where I um, I think I told, I must have told you, where I had a six o'clock in the morning call time. I have to tell you this.

Speaker 2 No, I had a six in the morning call time, and I had this day where it was like just a conversation scene between me and Jenna Fisher, right?

Speaker 2 So she had a six, five, probably 5:30 in the morning because she's a girl. Yeah, they do makeup.

Speaker 2 So it's like 10:30.

Speaker 2 You're late. No, I'm asleep.

Speaker 2 My God. I'm asleep at home.

Speaker 2 When I was living on my Beachwood condo, right?

Speaker 2 And I hear someone in my fucking living room, right? I go, what the fuck? I think I grabbed the katana. I have a katana, a sword.
I just bring the sword out. I run in there.
I go, what?

Speaker 2 And there's this guy from the show.

Speaker 2 They've been shooting. They're doing all the genist coverage.
Where are you? It's 10.30.

Speaker 2 And I go,

Speaker 2 I go, what?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 I'm freaked the fuck out. Oh, my God.
I was freaking the fuck out, right? And he goes, just go now. I was in like whatever I was sleeping in, right?

Speaker 2 So I have one slipper on and I go.

Speaker 2 And so they did all her coverage. And the worst was.
Did she stay for your coverage for when it flipped on? Good. But the worst part was, is I'm doing my coverage now.
It's like one, right?

Speaker 2 She's at home. No, she's still there because you had other scenes.
You know what I mean? Okay, okay. But she's in the dressing room, right?

Speaker 2 But I'm doing doing my coverage and I could see behind a tree, like something like this, right?

Speaker 2 Well, I'm going to show you.

Speaker 2 I always use the space. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I could see the showrunner, right?

Speaker 2 Just staring you down the whole day, just.

Speaker 2 So angry. Yeah, yeah.
Or like if we'd moved,

Speaker 2 if we

Speaker 2 move shots right she would just come behind from a desk and come up like this

Speaker 2 like she was all over the place you fucked up and then this is what she does

Speaker 2 and her name is emily catnik does she like you now she's the best

Speaker 2 but she goes i remember at the end of the day

Speaker 2 i'm just sitting there and i'm hunched over

Speaker 2 and she walks up from behind me right

Speaker 2 she puts her hand on my shoulder assault no no

Speaker 2 And she looks at me, and I look at her, and she gave me a look. She didn't say anything, but it was like I answered her, even though she said, oh, yeah, yeah, it won't happen again.

Speaker 2 It was that look like. By the way, that's

Speaker 2 power. But yeah, it was like a Jedi thing.

Speaker 2 And I go, I'll never do that again. She wrestled her.
She squeezed my shoulder and she walked away. And the next day everything was fine.
Right. But it's like, if this was the 70s,

Speaker 2 I could show up for a week or not show up. Yeah, it didn't matter.
Yeah. And come back with Coke on my face.
You know what I mean? And they're like, where were you? What are you doing?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was in Caccun.

Speaker 2 We're doing a show. Let's go.
Let's roll. You know what I mean? Let's go.
But like, stars could get away with shit back in the day. It was wild.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but now it's like everything's just because number one,

Speaker 2 there's so many jobs now. Yeah.
Right. That not one job is going to make or break you.

Speaker 2 Right. Yeah, that's true.
No, because there's a thousand things. You know, you've seen, like,

Speaker 2 I'll turn on like, you know, YouTube and watch trailers. You'll see.
What's wrong? What? What'd you do? I had something in my eye.

Speaker 2 Don't do that, man.

Speaker 2 Keep talking.

Speaker 2 I don't like what you just did, man. I just did this.
There was something in my eye. I know.
That was a fucking, it's some sort of like way of like going, move, move on. No.

Speaker 2 Don't do that, man. That was nothing.
You do shit like that, where you shrug your shoulders when I'm talking, and it's like, it's like, come on, this sucks.

Speaker 2 Are you projecting? Do you think what you're about to say sucks? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 I knew where I was going. I didn't know where you were going either.
I'm just waiting. I didn't do neither, right? But don't do that because I'm trying to create something here, man.

Speaker 2 Okay, next time you know, you're projecting. So next time that you...
I already, what does projecting mean? It's something you actually think and feel you're saying as if I'm saying it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but don't do that. So next time you think.
Am I projecting that? Yes. So next time you think you're telling a story and it sucks, why don't you go like this to me?

Speaker 2 You should bail, just go like this. When you're like, I'm watching trailers on YouTube and then I'll move to something else.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But so when you, when I'm doing, so I'm talking, always, I'll give you an example. Let's just play it out, right?

Speaker 2 So, man, can I tell you this other story? Yeah. You know, one time my mom used to like to go to the Korean grocery store in Koreatown, right? And

Speaker 2 she wandered around and, you know,

Speaker 2 you know, she didn't know.

Speaker 2 So, okay, this week on Bad Friends,

Speaker 2 yeah, we'll shift. That's very good.
We'll shift to something else. So then you give me the hand signal where you want to move on.

Speaker 2 Something simple like that. When I want to move on.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No.
That gets so obvious people can read it. Oh, I didn't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, give me something that, like... A simple hand signal.

Speaker 2 What if you just kind of do this, you know, like, you know how

Speaker 2 detectives from the olden days? What about this?

Speaker 2 That's the fucking white

Speaker 2 supremacist. This is? Yeah.
This is this is A-O-K. No, it's A-O-K, dude.
This is white supremacist. How is this white supremacist? Dude, you know what happened to that guy in San Diego, right?

Speaker 2 Prove to me that this is white supremacist. I'll give you an example.
So I can't say okay anymore? No. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I can never go. Somebody goes, hey, how was the food? And I go, no one does that.
Yeah, I do it all the time. Do this.

Speaker 2 No, that. Okay, that's white supremacist.
Why is this? This is white supremacist. Because they'd be like, hey, should we burn the cross? And they're like,

Speaker 2 yeah, but that's just saying okay, right? This is not giving you the go-ahead to burn the cross. Okay, this was the go-ahead.
Yeah. And this was...
Let's give me an example. Okay, how about this?

Speaker 2 Why don't you go walk up to 50 Cent, right? And just do this in front of him, see what happens. Well, what's the context? I'm not just going to do it out of nowhere.
You're okay.

Speaker 2 If he's like, hey, hey, how's the party? And I'm like,

Speaker 2 he'll get it. I don't think he would.
What do you think he's going to think I said? I think when you do this, a gun will go through here like this.

Speaker 2 I think that's what's going to happen. All right.
So why would 50 Cent, why would I have 50 Center? Just give me a fucking symbol. Nothing like this.
No circle. All right.
I'll give you,

Speaker 2 I'm just going to, can I just say this?

Speaker 2 Let me just say this. Okay.
Let me just let me talk for a second. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 This guy that worked at San Diego Gas and Electric, right, a year ago, okay.

Speaker 2 Mexican guy, right?

Speaker 2 Union job, right? He's driving home to go to, he has a truck, you know, one of those SDNG, whatever, San Diego light, I don't know what it's called. And he's at a stop sign, right?

Speaker 2 And when he's driving, he likes to stick his hand out the window because he

Speaker 2 works with his hands and he has like arthritis or something. So he likes to kind of stretch out his fingers.
This actually happened. Okay.
Right.

Speaker 2 And he's at a stop sign. At the same time, there's a BLM protest.
So out the window, he's doing this. And then he does this.

Speaker 2 They take a photo of this.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 A Mexican guy. This Mexican guy.
Doing this symbol. But he's stretching his finger.

Speaker 2 Proof that it's not white supremacy. Thank you.

Speaker 2 He lost his job. They fired him? Yes.

Speaker 2 He lost his job. Because they think a Mexican is a white supremacist? Look it up.

Speaker 2 He doesn't even think the first word of the criterion. No, no.
He's a Mexican guy. He lost his job.

Speaker 2 There's got to be something else. There is nothing else.
He lost his job. Well, let me tell you something.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 If that is true, then it's good to have another one of our Mexican brothers on our team, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So give me a symbol.
That's insane. Yeah, yeah.
SDG and E-worker fight over alleged racist gesture says he was cracking his knuckles. It just seems like something's missing here.
No.

Speaker 2 A Mexican guy? Yes, he's Mexican. Let's see the video.
That's it. That's him.

Speaker 2 Now, go in. It was a photo, not a video.

Speaker 2 So zoom in in the photo.

Speaker 2 Oh, that does look like he's doing the white supremacy symbol.

Speaker 2 This dude.

Speaker 2 This this is insane. His job.
Because of he still doesn't have a job.

Speaker 2 Okay, what's his name? Oh, it says right there, Cafferty is a Mexican-American. He says he comes from a diverse family of all races.
He's proud of it.

Speaker 2 He's proud of SDGE for taking any allegations of racism seriously, but he wants his job back. I'm sure he got his job back.
He never did. He still doesn't have his job.

Speaker 2 Okay, go up to find his name and let's find him and see if we can contact him. We'll give him a job here on Bad Friends.
And he can do this all he wants.

Speaker 2 That's his job. His job is just to come into Scream every once in a while and do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. By the way,

Speaker 2 everybody who knows this show that knows, obviously, we're making a joke about it, but you've got to be a fucking moron to think a Mexican dude is doing this, meaning white supremacy. I know.

Speaker 2 You have to be a fucking moron. But we live in that kind of society.
People are fucking dumb. Because it became, it was trending.
By the way, we are going to find out he is a white supremacist.

Speaker 2 No, he's not. No.

Speaker 2 Because I've seen him in interviews and talk.

Speaker 2 His family is all like, you know what I mean? San Diego Mexicans. I just think that's it.

Speaker 2 This feels insane to me. I just don't get it.
I know, but I'm just saying, so don't do this. You're doing it now.
I know, I'm just telling you not to do it. I think it's upside down as well.

Speaker 2 It is upside down. Oh, it is? Yeah, this is okay.
So this is okay. Yeah, it is.
He should have done this then. Well, yeah, then it's fine.
Yeah, he shouldn't have done that.

Speaker 2 Uh-uh, you're doing it again. You've done it three times.
Oh, yeah, yeah. All right, you're right.
I'm going to make a meme.

Speaker 2 So give me a symbol that's not obvious that, like, when you want to move, you want me to jump in to shift the conversation. All right, here.
It'll be very, very subtle. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, good. Look, I had just a little

Speaker 2 to move on, face. Okay, so, but we also need symbols.

Speaker 2 Oh, symbol for her? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. What's your symbol?

Speaker 2 She doesn't talk. She doesn't need the symbol.

Speaker 5 Can I do this? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can do that. That makes sense.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 She does come in with some good ones.

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Speaker 2 My listeners and also Andrew listeners can use our offer code bad friends to get 60-day free trial just in time for the holidays. That's two months, Bobby, of stress-free holiday shipping for free.

Speaker 2 Just go to shipstation.com, click on the microphone at the top, and enter bad friends. Shipstation, make ship happen.

Speaker 2 But we have to also have a symbol in terms of like, you know, if I think your story's meandering. Is it the same symbol?

Speaker 2 Oh, we'll just do that for all of us. Just knock on it out.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We'll just do that for all

Speaker 2 a little knock, a little tap, tap on the dash. Yeah, a little tap tap.
Little tap tap. Yeah.
Let's just do, let's practice one. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 I'll start. Go ahead.
So last night at the Great British Baking Show,

Speaker 2 watching that. Because, you know, every week on Fridays, a new episode comes on, right? And last night was Bread Week.
Oh.

Speaker 2 So anyway, loved your show last night.

Speaker 2 Okay, what's that? What's that?

Speaker 2 Move on! Move on, move on. Okay, I love it.

Speaker 2 What was I even, okay? So, what was I even talking about when you did the fucking I thing? These guys will know. You were saying you were watching trailers on YouTube.
About what, though?

Speaker 4 About how not one actor has so much power these days because there's too many jobs.

Speaker 2 All right, I just want, can I finish my point, though? Please, before you do the I thing, please. Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying that there's no one.

Speaker 2 God.

Speaker 2 You know, some days I love you.

Speaker 2 I really do. Some days I go, I'll wake up and go, man, I'm so blessed to have

Speaker 2 so many good friends like Ed, right?

Speaker 2 But some days I just literally go, I think I hate him. Yeah.
I think today's one of those days. Good.
Yeah. How do you feel about me right now? I'm in love with you more than than I've ever been.

Speaker 2 Oh, why?

Speaker 2 Because you're sweet.

Speaker 2 That annoyed me even more. I know.
Wait, tell me, though. You were watching because no actor can.
You were saying it. I understand.
No, I'm just saying, though, you can't act like that anymore.

Speaker 2 Well, look, some of those things are

Speaker 2 some of those things are good.

Speaker 2 This is not fucking cool. I mean, it's a funny story for someone to tell, but you're like, that's fucking nuts.
South Korea's next president. Oh, by the way, this is a big win for South Korea.

Speaker 2 I want to tell you, congratulations. This is Hey-yo Kyung-young, the levitating mystic who claims he's got an IQ.
Go up. He's got an IQ.
Up. He's scrolling on the wrong way.

Speaker 2 He's got an IQ of 430 and is offering voters $85,000 to vote for him. Do you vote for this guy? Yeah.
He can fucking levitate.

Speaker 2 Well, if he can do something that no other human can do, I think that's an asset, right? And 85 grand? Yeah. Look at that.

Speaker 2 Look at how, and there's people, there's skeptics on the internet saying he can't levitate. That's him levitating above a mountain.
I'm seeing it right now.

Speaker 2 Obviously, so tell me how that happened, and then I'll tell you. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 Also, he's able to

Speaker 2 and look at, look, listen, he's able to physically remove and replace his hair at any given time, right? Not only that, can I just say just based on the photo, he loves to punch angels

Speaker 2 because look at that fist, right? He loves to punch angels, right? Imagine,

Speaker 2 do it, do him in heaven, do it, do him up there levitating, punching angels.

Speaker 2 Wait,

Speaker 2 I gotta do it Indian style. Hold on, I gotta get in there, right?

Speaker 2 Tokadet!

Speaker 2 What's Dokadan? Take a dad. Take a dad.

Speaker 2 Because you have to

Speaker 2 tell the angel. You have to tell the angel, take that.
And then they're like, they get punched. They go, take one.
Yeah. Right? You know.
You know. Scroll down on this guy.
This guy's fucking great.

Speaker 2 I don't know why they don't want to vote for him.

Speaker 2 People are saying that

Speaker 2 he said he's showing off his flexibility with a kick alongside Donald Trump.

Speaker 2 And he tells all the observers to look into his eyes to help him levitate.

Speaker 2 I don't know, man. This guy seems dope as shit.
I think it's, I think,

Speaker 2 this is the kind of people we should be voting for.

Speaker 2 We've been getting lied to by politicians for a long time. And it's also like, you know, if you can do something, you know, mystical like this.
Like this, right? This guy could be.

Speaker 2 Don't you think that's an asset? By far. Right.
So they say, like, they say, Jesus walked on water. They say

Speaker 2 Gandhi could not eat for, you know, whatever the fuck, a thousand years.

Speaker 2 A thousand years. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This guy, yeah, he feels he can fucking levitate, dude. The Dalai Lama.
Yeah. What's his thing?

Speaker 2 The Dalai Lama? What's his thing? His thing is he can make crickets disappear. Out of thin air.
Out of thin air, dude. And locusts.
That's a thing?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a thing. Right? Would you would you vote? Hey.

Speaker 2 Would you vote for him?

Speaker 5 If he can levitate, then you can't.

Speaker 2 See? Yeah. Wait, that's the thing, though.

Speaker 2 But what's tough about this,

Speaker 2 he'd have to prove it one time. How does David Blaine not run for anything then? He could just be like, you should vote for me because I can do this.
And then disappear into a tank.

Speaker 2 Because you have, this is a true thing, right? You have, if you look at David Blaine's videos on YouTube and whatever, right, there's always reveal videos.

Speaker 2 Of how he did it? Yeah. So like when you see any magician, that's why when like

Speaker 2 there's certain

Speaker 2 sucks. I know, but there's certain magicians like Shin Lim.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. I know Shin Lim, right? Yeah, so Shin Lim, there's some, there's some, they don't do some reveals on his because they don't know yet, right? They can't, right.

Speaker 2 What's uh, Penn and Teller couldn't figure out yeah, yeah, that's how good Shin Lim is.

Speaker 2 But if you watch Blaine, David Blaine, or any other magician that you see on a talent show, there's always reveal videos. He's pretty, some of them I don't think you could find a reveal for.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, there's this guy named

Speaker 2 his name is some Oak Darby, Darcy, darcy oak darcy oak darcy oak cute handsome darcy oak is a handsome canadian magician they all kind of look like chris angel yeah yeah

Speaker 2 this dude did something on bgt obviously put the shirtless one up pete yeah yeah yeah there we go like the one that we obviously want to see hot right is he hot could he be james bond

Speaker 5 he looks like he he would hit women oh

Speaker 2 what gives it away the stars going down to his penis on his pelvis?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. This guy's probably a great guy.
No, he seems very nice. He's probably nice.
Why do you think he's going to hit women?

Speaker 5 It's just his face.

Speaker 2 It's just his face. But he does a thing on stage where he can make doves appear.
This guy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right. Have you seen it? Oh, yeah.
He does it as an audition on PGT. He makes doves appear.
Then he can make like two doves appear with two

Speaker 2 cages with two doves in it and stuff like that. Seriously? Yeah, yeah.
That's pretty cool. And then he puts all the doves in a cage and he lifts the cage and there's a woman underneath it that rises.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's go see.

Speaker 2 Anywho, right? You can watch it on YouTube. My point is, all those stuff you can, I know how he did it.
Yeah, but you can't do it.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to spend 15 hours a day for 20 years of my life practicing. That's my point.
That's the only point. I know.
My point is that

Speaker 2 I think it's awesome that he can fucking do it. Yeah.
Right. But my point is that it's not magic.
Yeah, it is magic.

Speaker 2 It's magic that he was able to spend that much time to figure out how to do it and actually work. That's magic.
I know

Speaker 2 that's real magic. That's real.

Speaker 2 The guy's got my fucking vote. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, what's the next piece you had, Pete?

Speaker 2 Can I just say something real quick? Oh, why is everything Korean right now? It's Korean. Don't you know it's South Korean month?

Speaker 2 All of October.

Speaker 2 It is. I've never heard of South Korean month.
It is South Type. It's been Korean for 50 years.
What month is South Korean celebration month in the United States? Watch.

Speaker 2 It's fucking October. You don't know that.
It's my birthday month. What does it say? What'd you Google?

Speaker 2 Where is it there?

Speaker 2 Pete, just type in the word October after.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. There you go.

Speaker 2 I have the internet. There it is.
No, I'm going to go South Korean month. Ah, bingo, bingo.

Speaker 2 Look at the day the sky opened. What does that say? Zoom it in for him.
No, I'm going to. Look,

Speaker 2 I'm going to go. I don't have my whole internet.
Look, Gachi Jun-Joel.

Speaker 2 A public public holiday in South and North Korea on October 3rd, known as the English name National Foundation Day.

Speaker 2 The holiday celebrates the legendary formation of the first Korean state of Gojusan in 233-2333 BC. Told you.
Told you. I put South Korean month, and it says Sunday, October 10th.
Told you. 2021.

Speaker 2 Told you. 2021.
That's now.

Speaker 2 Do you not know what year it is? So today is it. Told you.
Yeah. Told you.
Go back to the earth.

Speaker 2 Hold to stop.

Speaker 2 I think. When I put South Korea in a month right now, the internet's just going, this is what the day is in South Korea.

Speaker 2 Let's figure it out. Go back to the thing.
Go back to the thing.

Speaker 2 Am I losing my fucking mind? Yeah. Yeah.
All right. South Korean president, the current president, suggests a ban on eating dog meat.
What do you say? Yeah, 100%.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 Shut up, man.

Speaker 2 Shut up, man. It's insane.
Yeah. Moon Jae-in, a a dog lover, says, time has come for traditional practice tent.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like,

Speaker 2 what's the what? Why is it so funny? It's insane. It's fucking insane.
Look at how cute these dogs are. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's insane to think someone might break into your house not to steal something, but to grab a dog. Yeah.
That's insane.

Speaker 2 No, but these dogs are bred for it, right? They don't look like. They're bred to be eaten? Yeah, but they're not.
I've seen some of the videos. No, that's in China.
They steal from people's houses.

Speaker 2 It's insane. I know in China, but in Korea, they're bred.
Oh, they have bred. Like the pigs.
So it's like they're in a kennel. You know what I mean? Right.
So they're made to be eaten.

Speaker 2 No, but they just don't have friends that are human. Well, they do right before they eat them.
The human goes, hi, puppy. And the puppy's cute and licking them.

Speaker 2 And then they're like, no, that's not how they do it. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 It's like mass production, I think.

Speaker 2 Right. You mean like a breeder? Like a breeder, and it's like these dogs have terrible lives.
Yeah, because you're going to eat them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, but it's also their daily life is, I think, just feed and

Speaker 2 what does dog taste like? Apparently, it's the best meat in the Philippines. Don't give me apparently.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you right now. Don't give me apparently.
Just tell me what it tastes like.

Speaker 2 Real good.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I would never eat it.
What's the weirdest animal you've ever eaten?

Speaker 2 Don't to say dog.

Speaker 5 Monitor lizard.

Speaker 2 Monitor lizard?

Speaker 2 Do you know what that is? I know what a monitor lizard is. I don't know if you're going to eat it.
Are you making that up? No. She ate one.

Speaker 2 In Philippines, you eat monitor lizards? Yeah. How do you eat it? How does this prepare?

Speaker 2 Doesn't it look so delicious?

Speaker 2 It looks so moist and delicious. Well, you know what they say? You know what they say, like foods, like specifically like fruits and fruits, are

Speaker 2 colored differently. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And aesthetically, they throw away fruit that doesn't look good. You know what I mean? In the grocery store, which is fucked up? Yeah.
Imagine looking at this. There's no way.

Speaker 2 And being like, I got to try it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I can't.
You have to to be starving.

Speaker 2 Not only that, you can't hang it. You know how you go to Chinatown and you see like dangling carcasses.
Ducks in the window. Dick ducks in the window, right? Yeah.
You can't hang that anywhere.

Speaker 2 That has to just be on the menu, the last thing, right? And you just put M L. They're like, we have clam chowder soup.
We've got a couple of

Speaker 2 specials today. We've got a card on blue and monitor lizard.
So what can I get your drink? And you're like, what was the last one?

Speaker 2 Monitor lizard? Yeah, yeah. What part of it do you eat? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Do you eat like the legs?

Speaker 5 I think so. My uncle just gave it to me.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you just ate it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he, he just says. What is it? Is there a sauce?

Speaker 5 There's no sauce.

Speaker 2 You at least get like a Chick-fil-A sauce or something? It's fried. Oh, it's fried.
Well, I bet it's good. But can you get it like Cajun style or black?

Speaker 2 I mean, there's got to be a way where it's going to be the best way. I just want to see it.

Speaker 5 It was good. It was spicy.

Speaker 2 It was? Yeah, because they have to put the spices in. Well, that was the Cajun style.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Cajun style.
Yeah, wow. I liked it.
You fry it. Maybe if I would do it.

Speaker 2 If it was like, you know, predating. Yeah, if it was deep-fried, deep-fried breading, deep-fry,

Speaker 2 pounded, right? Yeah, you thin it out like a lizard bayard.

Speaker 2 Monitor lizard bayard. Because there's a restaurant in China, and it's months of reservations, right?

Speaker 2 And they, all they serve is different types of

Speaker 2 animal testicles and penis.

Speaker 2 Just, it's called just genitals. No, No, it's like.

Speaker 2 Wait, it's just penises and balls? Yeah. No female.

Speaker 2 That's kind of sexist. I know, but it's.
You just have a couple of vaginas. But it's like a crowded.

Speaker 2 People love it. People fucking love it.
And it's just

Speaker 2 penises. Yeah.
Have you eaten animal penises? No. Like a bull penis? That's popular.
I know people eat bull penis.

Speaker 2 Like, I was like wondering, like, let's suppose, and a lot of people like at work, like their boss at work will be like, I got reservations. And then everyone at work would have to go.

Speaker 2 Right. And imagine being there, and you're like, just eating dick.
What would you order? What, like, what animals' cock would I have? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't know what I would do. I mean, if I'm hungry, probably a horse dick.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, because I don't want to eat it. So I would say field mouse.

Speaker 2 Right? But then, but I imagine if I order field mouse, right? And it comes like cereal. Right.
There's a fuckload of it.

Speaker 2 It's a bowl of

Speaker 2 field mice dicks. And then it comes with milk.

Speaker 2 That's so funny.

Speaker 2 That's so funny. A bowl of field mice cocks.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you think

Speaker 2 you're thinking getting one over, right? You're not.

Speaker 2 But you finish a bowl. You finish the bowl, and they're like, oh, you ready for your second serving? Field mouse dicks.
It's like four.

Speaker 2 Right. They're like, we know that's not enough for you to eat.
So obviously we had to pack it in. I would have to like whisper, like, I'd be so shy to do it.

Speaker 2 So when the waitress or waiter comes up, like, do you know what you want, right? I would have to whisper it because I would be so embarrassed. I'd say, donkey dick.

Speaker 2 Excuse me, I did not hear you. He's a donkey dick.

Speaker 2 Come again. Come again, right? And then you, oh, a donkey dick.
And she yells at the fucking cook, one donkey, donkey dick.

Speaker 2 One donkey dick for this guy, right here.

Speaker 2 Raise your hand.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. What animal dick would you eat?

Speaker 5 A duck's dick.

Speaker 2 Ooh, duck duck dick. A duck dick.
That's very clever. That's clever.
Duck dick probably tastes very good. Yeah.
Because we eat so many parts of the duck. A chicken dick would be good.

Speaker 2 Nah, chickens are dirty. Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, chickens are dirty. Yeah.
Pig dick? Pig dick. It's probably fatty as shit.

Speaker 2 Get a picture of a pig dick up there. What would Eric Griffin get? Elephant cock.
Yeah, yeah. Do elephants have huge shoulders? Like 15 guys come in

Speaker 2 with other shoulders? Yeah. Wait a minute.
Google, which animal has the biggest penis?

Speaker 2 I want to know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Andrew Santino?

Speaker 2 The blue whale. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Of course. Let me see you the picture of it.
Let me see a blue whale. 10-feet penis? A 10-foot cock?

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 2 There it is. Where? That's it.
The second picture. Do blue whale's penis.
Right there. Pete.
No, right there. Just Google Blue Whale penis.

Speaker 2 Let's see it.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. That's it.
Right there in the water. The one in the water.
No, hold on. Zoom into that guy's face.

Speaker 2 Look at this guy holding this penis. Yeah, he's.
It's like a Disneyland vacation family photo. He's so turned on right now.
And the kids are like, dad, this is not cool. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm going to hold the penis. Yeah.
Get it. Get in.
Charlene, get me holding the penis. How weird.
That's gross. Fucking penis right there.
But let's see it live in the, like, go to the right.

Speaker 2 The one right there in action. No, the one on top of, above, above.
Right. Right.
Right, right, right, right. So they're with that yellow.
Oh, my God. That's live.

Speaker 2 Look at it jumping out of the water. They've got it mid-action.
They've got mid-flight dick. He's just going under his mouth.
Fuck it. You know what I mean? I just give a fuck that guy.

Speaker 2 Suck it. Go to the one where he's jumping out of the water.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's a dare from his buddies. Yeah, yeah.
He's like, I got a boner. They're like, do it.
Jump in front of the boat. He's like, I'm not going to do it.
They're like, do it.

Speaker 2 He's a teenager. Fucking with fucking with Larry.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 He's fucking crazy. He's crazy, Larry.
Dude, look at at how small that looks because of how big they are, but that's 10 feet of penis. Yeah, that's a big dick.
That's huge. Yeah.
What's that one?

Speaker 2 Somebody touching it. Is that somebody touching it? Yeah, he's grabbing it.
Let me see that one. The largest penis in the world.

Speaker 2 Wait, I don't.

Speaker 2 Zoom in. Zoom in.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 2 Is that even erect?

Speaker 2 That's got to be soft. That's soft.

Speaker 2 Because that's like four feet, five feet.

Speaker 2 What if that guy works for the restaurant?

Speaker 2 Not ready yet.

Speaker 2 Still too tender. Still too tender.
Look at that dick, man. Beautiful.
Imagine being the guy they newly hired, and they're like, look, we need help. Help wanted bad.
And he's like, I'll do anything.

Speaker 2 They're like, you've got to go see if the dicks are ready down below. That's his job.
He's got to go fumble through the dicks.

Speaker 2 Go find

Speaker 2 the dick catcher. Well, he went to Chef's school, whatever.

Speaker 2 He gets a good job there, but his first job when you first get hired there. It's that.
Is that you're the dick prep guy?

Speaker 2 Fine.

Speaker 2 Get downstairs and go.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So the monitor lizard is the weirdest you've ever eaten.
Yeah. Have you eaten anything that you're not supposed to tell us?

Speaker 2 Did you eat something bad? Did you eat something illegal? No. Have you ever?

Speaker 5 Never.

Speaker 2 How about like a hawk?

Speaker 2 Have you eaten an endangered species?

Speaker 2 No. Do you know what that is?

Speaker 2 Have you seen their bats? No.

Speaker 2 Filipino bats? Have you seen their fucking bats, bro? No. Look up Filipino giant gold that fucking thing.
Look at, that's literally. That's a guy.

Speaker 2 That is a guy. Bro.

Speaker 2 That's their bats. That's a full-size adult man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, look at the storefront run. Go back to the storefront.

Speaker 2 That looks like a guy in a Halloween costume. Dude, that's a fucking bat room.
My God.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 What happens when that comes over? That can fucking kill you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is this what do you, do they, do you, they have names. Yeah, that's Mike.

Speaker 2 Hey, Mike.

Speaker 2 Whoop. You're living in fucking Narnia.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. That is.

Speaker 2 Do they attack people? I've never heard of them attacking people, so. Do you see them sometimes flying? I've never seen them.
You've never seen one.

Speaker 2 This has got to be in a certain part of the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Look at this, the one that they caught and they've strung it up. The one that's hung up.

Speaker 2 Look at that. That's like a 15-foot wingspan.
I know. That's insane, that thing.
I wonder what those taste like. Have you eaten those? No.

Speaker 2 What is it called? Go to the name. Go to the regular Google search.
I want to find out the name of these things.

Speaker 2 Just hit all.

Speaker 2 Those things are insane, dude. Here's you need to know about the giant golden-crowned flying fox.

Speaker 2 Also known as the golden-caped fruit bat.

Speaker 2 It's not eating fruit. That's eating human beings.

Speaker 2 It's a mega bat in the Philippines. Yeah, that thing's insane, man.
Dude, this has got to be five feet long. It's five feet.
It's a fucking.

Speaker 2 It's my height. It's taller than you.
Doc. It's five feet you can see.

Speaker 2 If you put fucking wings on dock. No, dude, it's five six.
It's five six? It's five six. Holy shit.
That's bigger than you. It's taller than I am.

Speaker 2 That's what you would look like hung upside down next to the bat.

Speaker 2 It would be almost the same size. Wow.
Wow. That's insane.
I would move.

Speaker 2 Would you move?

Speaker 2 That was the competition?

Speaker 2 No, I just like if those are flying around,

Speaker 2 they sleep well at night. Google if those things have ever killed a human being or attacked a human being.

Speaker 2 They've got to been able to kill or hurt somebody. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And large bats are being killed by the thousands. Oh, we're killing them off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're probably like sweet.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're probably nice. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They eat fruits, bro. That doesn't look like fruits.
Yeah, they eat fruits, bro. They look like they eat cows in the middle of the night.
Yeah. those are insane.
Anyway, you haven't eaten those?

Speaker 2 No, no. Is there any other creatures over there that are like that? Like that?

Speaker 5 I don't think so.

Speaker 2 But if you look at that photo,

Speaker 2 what is the difference between them?

Speaker 2 Just listen to me.

Speaker 2 You might have to check this out. Really think about it, though.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm listening.
You see that thing upside down, right? Yeah. What's the only difference between that

Speaker 2 and them?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Except for the wings, right? Let me say something.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 You can clip wings, can you not?

Speaker 2 Can you not clip them? You can clip them? Right. Yeah.
Like, I saw an X-Men movie where Archangel, right, when he was a boy, he was clipping his own wings in the bathroom of his house.

Speaker 2 I mean, I've never really looked at her back.

Speaker 5 I'm not a bat.

Speaker 2 I didn't accuse you of a bat, that you were a bat. Please isolate that sound.

Speaker 2 I'm not a bat.

Speaker 2 He's not saying you are a bat, but you, how can you prove that you're not? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't have any wings. Anymore.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 I don't.

Speaker 2 I don't look like a bat. You sound a little guilty.
Yeah. It feels like.
Go back to the picture of the one thing hanging upside down and zooming in on its face. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Zoom in, zoom in. Zoom in.
I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Jules? Rudy?

Speaker 2 The ears are different.

Speaker 2 Well, you can always shave.

Speaker 2 Let me see. Pull your one headphone aside.
Let's see your ears. Your ears are big.

Speaker 2 Turn that way and pull your hair aside so the camera can see. It's not.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Throw a fucking apple in front of her.

Speaker 2 She bites in midair.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Rudy, I'd like to see some proof next episode.
God, those things are so scary. Let's get a book report on why Rudy isn't a bat for for the next episode.

Speaker 2 Well, let's play this clip real fast. Let me see this clip.

Speaker 10 Shut the fuck up. Stop talking to me, bitch.

Speaker 10 No, I'm not you. I'm talking to the dumbass fat bitch over there.
Eating too many pork tops.

Speaker 10 Stop eating so many pork chops. Back up off the tank.
Go on a diet, you fat ass bitch. That's why you ain't got no man.
You're too fucking fat. Nobody wants to fuck you.
You're too fat, bitch.

Speaker 10 You're eating too many pork chops. Too much rice and beans.
You dumbass.

Speaker 10 Stupid ass bitch.

Speaker 2 I love New York. It's the greatest city in the world.

Speaker 2 You stupid ass bitch.

Speaker 2 That's why you got no man.

Speaker 2 Do you eat too many pork chops? You stupid ass bitch.

Speaker 2 I love that so much. I love it so much.
You don't like that, Bob?

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 Because he's fat.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know what I mean? And he also can't walk.
Play it again.

Speaker 2 Why? Pork chops, baby.

Speaker 10 Don't try to reason.

Speaker 10 Shut the fuck up. Stop talking to me, bitch.

Speaker 10 No, not you or something dumbass fat bitch over there. Eating too many pork chops.

Speaker 2 Fat ass bitch. Would you push pause for a second?

Speaker 2 There's just so much ammo that I could get back at that time. That's why this is hilarious.
But why didn't she fight back? Because it's fun, man. I don't know.
Maybe. I don't know.
It's so good to me.

Speaker 2 Press play. I love it.

Speaker 10 Shut up, you fat bitch. Stop eating so many pork chops.
Back up off the tape. Go on a diet.
You fat ass bitch. That's why you ain't got no man.
You're too fucking fat. Nobody wants to fuck you.

Speaker 2 You're too fat, bitch.

Speaker 10 You're eating too many pork chops. Too much rice and beans.
You're dumbass.

Speaker 10 Stupid ass bitch.

Speaker 2 Dude. This is how accustomed New York people are to fucked up shit.
No one's even laughing.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't be laughing if that guy's doing. Look at this guy on his phone.
Look at Fancy Beyonce.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't laugh that that guy was calling that girl fat ass bitch, you eat too many pork chows. No, that's not funny to you.
It wouldn't be, it would be interesting, but I would. You'd be dying.

Speaker 2 Dying laughing. Yeah.
Here's me recording.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's dying. Yeah.

Speaker 2 White guy.

Speaker 2 Shut the fuck up. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Go ahead and say it. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 You fucked it up by fucking yelling.

Speaker 2 It takes me out of the fucking talking about it.

Speaker 2 Why do you do that? How was it?

Speaker 2 Calm down now. Go back to the thing.
I did the beat. Ready? How was it? I look at my sides.

Speaker 2 How was Midnight Mass? There's no comedy in what I'm saying. I just want to recommend things to people.
That's all. Yeah.
And so what we're doing is a podcast.

Speaker 2 So what they would do is they would cut it, right, after we yelled to a funny moment of me going, so how was it? Do you understand how this works? Dude, I don't like your tone right now, dude.

Speaker 2 What is wrong with you, dude? What the fuck is wrong with you, dude? Look at your face. Do you know how this works? You fucking condescending fuck.
Dude, you're not the fuck. You're not Bond, man.

Speaker 2 Danan. No, you're not.

Speaker 2 I'm not. Heads up.
It's our job. And I'm not Hacksaw.

Speaker 2 Is that his name? Our job. Our job.
I call myself Hacksaw. I've seen you once again.
What?

Speaker 2 Now listen. You're so low to the earth, our job.
This show. It's almost

Speaker 2 like suck your own little tiny penis. Did you show this?

Speaker 2 No. Did you see this? No.