Squid Game Fight ft Steebee Weebee & Doc

La lavanda ha vuelto a Starbucks.

Pon un toque de primavera en tu taza con el Ice Lavender Matcha. Que lo disfrutes.
Tus Ice Lavender Lattes están listos en Starbucks. Hi, I'm Rudy and welcome to Bad Friends.
and our guests for today are Koya Steve and Doc. Good job.
Good job. I like that.
Nice and formal. Did you feel her peace? Okay.
That's it. Back to the tomorrow.
You two are bad bad friends Who are these two idiots White dude and an Asian dude You two are disgusting You two are something We're bad friends He's a man You're a man You both breathe shit You know what I mean He's a half a man He's a full man He's a half a man. He's a full man.
That's a full man. No, absolutely not.
That's a full man. Yeah.
And respect it. Respect him.
Where are you from, Doc? Chicago? Detroit. Detroit.
You don't even know. Stop for a second.
Hold up. Yeah.
Respect the city of Detroit. All right.
Okay. You know how sometimes people are born with an

underdeveloped Siamese twin?

Think about what you're about to say.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I want you to think about it.

Steve, let me just say

what my point is.

Go ahead.

You know, some people

are born with an

underdeveloped Siamese twin,

right?

So it's like they're not

really alive,

but like there's a face

on their side or whatever

or there's half a brother

sticking out of their body

and stuff.

That's Shaquille O'Neal's fucking Siamese signage underdeveloped. Oh, is that what I am? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. I don't like that.
I don't like that. If you were on Shaquille.
Dude, if you were on Shaquille O'Neal's body, you'd be a skin tag. So you're saying he's on his neck.
What's that movie, Total Recall, where the thing... That's why.
That's what you're calling him? What's his name again? Qui-Gon? She doesn't know what that is. Qui.
Hey, what was the little... What was the man attached to Total Recall? Is that what you're saying Doc is? Yeah.
That's Doc. You gotta stick up for yourself, Doc.
Doc, you gotta stick up for yourself. What's his name? That's disrespect.
That's it, right? Is it quite good? That's fucking disrespectful. That's real, dude.
What are you gonna do about it? What are you gonna do about it? We're gonna gang up on you right now. We're gonna gang up on you right now.
This works when we talk one at a time, all right? So let people save their mind, right? And then we can't talk over each other, okay?

I thought you were going to set an agenda of what the show was going to be about.

Yeah, yeah.

We're going to talk about.

Yeah, see, here's the deal, bud, all right?

Andrew's not here, right?

We can talk about whatever we want.

And we generally talk about what me and Andrew want to talk about about and i felt like it wasn't fair to you right so we can talk about whatever you want to talk about and we will try to you mean add information to your topics no no no no no steve stop stop stop oh hawaii hawaii what the fuck know, but- That's something to talk about. That's a talking point.
We've talked about Hawaii before. Something just random.
Squid Game. That's the last thing I want to talk about in Squid Game.
That's the freaking last thing I want to talk about in Squid Game. Did you see a Squid Game? I don't even know what that is.
I don't even know what that is. You don't have Netflix? I got it.
I'm getting DMs every day, every second of the day. Have you seen Squid Game? Just random people.
Have you seen Squid Game? Oh, so this has nothing to do with like SpongeBob or anything? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Squid Game is SpongeBob the movie. It's a feature.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you fucking with me, Bobby.
No, because they play this little game in the water. Why would any other...
It's SpongeBob. Okay.
You know who's also in it? Dora. Dora? Dora the Spore? Fuck yeah, man.
Okay. All day, every day, right? The Little Mermaid, right? And they play the squid game in the water.
Describe the premise. And that's what everyone's...
What? What's the premise? Well, Dora... Why should me and Doc watch it? Go ahead.
Why should me and Doc watch it? Watch what? It's on you. I want you to pitch why Squid Game is such a fantastic series.
I'll tell you why. Go ahead.
So, Dora, right, the explorer, right, she has that thing where she forgets things, right? That's Dora, right? I don't know. I've never watched Dora the Explorer.
So, Ellen DeGes voices Dora, right? Right. So Dora is like in the water.
Yeah. And Dora's like, you know what I mean? That's Dory.
Dory. Dory is the one that forgets things.
It's not Dora. Oh, it's Dory the Explorer.
No, what's Dory? No, wait, wait. Dude, you guys are doing a horrible job.
Wait, there's no Explorer. Cut, cut, cut.
There's no Explorer. Wait, hold on.
Time stamp. You ain't got your game today.
From Finding Nemo, right? That's what the movie is. Finding Nemo, Dory, Ellen DeGeneres.
She's not an Explorer, right? Dora the Explorer is the one that goes in the woods. Yeah, with the backpack.
Yeah, that's the one. That's one Jive.
That's the one. Jive.
Hey, don't be condescending. Don't be condescending.
Respect the D. Respect the D.
Respect Detroit. I respect Detroit.
I respect Detroit. You're not pitching the Squid Game very good.
This is a horrible pitch. All right, Dory.
So far, me and Doc ain't watching it. All right, I'll look.
Wait, convince us. All right, I'm going to do it right now, right? Go ahead.
So Dory's in the water, right? She's confused. She doesn't know where she is, right? And she sees Spongy, right? You know what? You know what you're doing right now is rude.
What you're doing right now is rude. What are you talking about? Like a cartoon.
What are you even talking about? This is a cartoon? It's a cartoon. No, it's a Korean series.
Start it with that. It's a Korean series.
Let's go back to the real thing. Oh, my God.
Learn how to talk about it. Learn how to speak about it.
So much lack of professionalism. You're a comedian, dude.
You're supposed to be vocal. What? Describe the premise.
Can you just be vocal? Describe the premise. All right, Steve, you have to relax, dude.
All right. I am relaxed.
I love Doc. Love you too.
I'm on Doc's team. I love Doc.
All right. See that harmony right there?

I don't want to give away the whole plot, I mean the whole show, but I'll give you the

premise of it.

Okay.

Okay?

Go ahead.

There's this Korean man, right?

He's got a daughter, right?

He's kind of downtrodden.

I think he lives with his mother, right?

And in the beginning of the show are you listening yes i am i don't want to i don't want to talk over you i'm listening i know but you make these faces like you're like hurry up or whatever okay all right that's better all right he's concentrating so this korean dude he lives with his mom he's kind of like in his early 40s. He has a daughter, but obviously he had a separation from his wife.
She's seeing some other guy, and they have the daughter. And he's kind of like us.
He wakes up at 3 in the afternoon. He steals money from his mom's purse or whatever to get like ATM, right? And then he also owes loan sharks a bunch of money.
So he wins some money at the horse races. He steals money from his mom, wins money at the horse races, and then he's cashing in.
He leaves, and then these loan sharks come in, and they, right? Okay. These loan sharks come in, and they go, where's our fucking money? He's like, I had it, right? But what happened was, another girl pickpocketed the money that he had.
Right? So, instead of doing that, they punch him, I think, they put him on the ground, and then they go, give me your – he's bleeding.

His nose is bleeding.

So they – give me your thumbprint.

So they have a piece of paper.

We don't know what the piece of paper is.

He signs a piece of paper in this.

And he basically is – it's a contract.

He has no – he's not privy to.

Okay.

So what ends up happening is that – oh, yeah.

So he's at a subway, right? And a man in a suit next – Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I want to say that I want to say this I want to say this. I want to say this.
I'm not finished again. I apologize.
I'm not finished again. Because that was rude, right? I didn't do that.
You got a laugh on my expense. Dude, that was funny.
You got a laugh on my expense and that was rude. That was being real.
Then I'll let you down. Hey, if it's funny, it's funny.
Then I'll let you down. If it's funny, it's funny.
I didn't know what that was. And boy, was that funny.
That was very funny. All right.
The timing. Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Okay. I'll watch it tonight.

No!

I don't want you to watch it!

I don't want it!

I don't want you to watch it!

I don't want you to watch it!

I'm not done with the pitch!

Okay.

I don't want to hear anymore!

I don't want to hear anymore!

I'm sold!

I'm sold!

I'm telling you everything!

I want to watch it!

I'm telling you everything!

Let's shake it up!

Okay.

Look at my eyes!

I'm fucking telling you everything!

Okay, I'm fucking...

Do it two more times.

I'm right here with you, Bobby.

I'm there.

Okay, okay.

I'm watching it tonight.

Because people are listening.

I'm fucking. I'm right here with you, Bobby.
I'm there. I'm watching it tonight.
Because people are listening. I'm convinced.
I'm convinced. You did a good job.
We're not done. Sorry, people.
Great job. We're not done.
No, I'm going to watch it. No, I'm telling you, because you're being such a fucking asshole.
I'm me telling you to explain it to you. All right? So I'm going to finish my pitch.
Go ahead. I'm only going to do the first episode.
Go ahead. Okay.
ahead okay so he's at a subway it's late at night a man sits next to him in a suit right and he goes you know i mean let's play a game or whatever so they play this game at the end of the day he gives him a card and the card has a number and he goes if you want to make a lot of money right listen to me yeah if you fall asleep again i swear to god i'm all right if you fall asleep again. I swear to God.
I'm all right, man. If you fall asleep again.

I am with you, bro. All right.

Cards and...

Oh, yeah.

Dude, just breathe.

You can do it.

Yeah.

They should do a Matrix for little people and have Brad Williams play Neo.

He can play Morpheus.

Dude, I need to hit.

He can play Little Morpheus.

No, no, no. No, no, no.
I need to get hit after. No, no.
I'm going to hit you in the arm. And the red pill and the yellow pill.
No, no, no I need to get hit after And the red pill and the yellow pill No, no, stop, sit down And the red pill and the yellow pill Are really small Are really small They look like little rices Take that back No I will not I will And then you know how they dodge bullets The bullets are like this big to them So So first I'm straight. Imagine a big bullet.
Like Mario Brothers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So is that funny? Can we end the squid game? I'm convinced. You don't have to explain.
I just want to get to the end of the episode. All right, go ahead.
All right. So basically he's saying, if you call this number, you make a lot of money.
So he so he and he goes he doesn't know what to do so he calls this number

a van shows up at midnight

right

yeah

he goes into a van

there's other people in the van

that are like passed out

and then he goes

why are they sleeping

he passes out

and then

next thing you know

he's pretty much in

he wakes up in a

futuristic auditorium

almost

with beds

and they're all wearing

outfits

and they have to play

these games

I've seen it before

what's it called? The Running Man with Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's been done No, no, you've never seen it.
You know what? You've never seen it. Been there, done that.
Been there, done that. We've seen it right doc? Yeah, I guess so guess so.
The Running Man. They just stole the Running Man premise, right? If Denzel Washington, listen to me.
Dude, watch it. If Denzel Washington, let me finish.
Let me finish this. If Denzel Washington, I am thinking about it.
Really think about it. If Denzel Washington, right, had a little Lego action figure.
What the fuck, man? You attacked him? Dude, take that back. Are you on his side? I, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you does a one-man show.
In and of itself. It's really good, man.
In and of itself. Yeah, really good.
And my brother cried like this. It broke me down.
Yeah, it did. I didn't expect to.
He went whoo. No, no, no.
That's what you did. I did it broke me down.
Yeah, I did I didn't expect to

He went

No, no, no, no

You put both arms around you but you went

Alright, um, Andreas cut that

Andreas, cut

No, no, no, no

We can't air this

Andreas, no, no, no

I'm serious, cut that

Let's just edit that out

And let's talk about my trip to Austin. We're going to edit that out.
Okay? Can we talk about the one-man show, though? Go ahead. All right.
You did cry, though. You did, too.
Yeah, I know. We were both crying.
We were both crying. You know why? Was this your first time seeing this? No, no.
This guy's magical, man.

Because he did this interactive magic.

It's not like any other magic show you've seen.

And you two guys.

He incorporates the audience within the show.

That's it right there.

Yeah, this guy's magical, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he did something that.

And you know what you said to me?

In tears.

Think about.

Don't really think about what you did.

I am going to.

Because this is what you want.

You want to do this.

Put your arms around yourself. Let me just finish, This is what you want like this.
And you go right and you go and Steve, this is what you want. Magic is real.
That's what you said to me. Magic is real.
And I was like, what a crybaby. Cut.
Cut. I swear to God.
I swear to God. Everything's fine.
Cut it and zip it. How was Austin? Steve, don't do that.
He's a fucking man, baby. He's a fucking man.
Wait, in my defense, you know why I liked it? It was interactive. He included the whole audience.
He did something with each audience member that was touching. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was unexplainable. So y'all i mean it takes a lot for me it takes a lot for me to cry you don't cry dog i cry but when's the last of you cry when'd you cry give me a second man i'm feeling it right here i feel like you're about to cry now when's the last of you cried for watching some on TV no just in general oh in general oh shit that's a good one Bobby really concentrating here yeah it's been a long time it's been a long time It's been a long time Probably when your mom died Mom passed away That was crying right She cried there I cried It was something I watched and I cried But I can't You probably cried I don't like your energy.
No, no. You have to start respecting him.
I am respecting him. That's why he's on the podcast.
This is his third time. My third time.
Do you cry when you can't find your penis? You know what? See, see, just calm down, Steve. You know what? What you playing to these guys? Yeah.
Every other morning, you're like, is that what I do? I bet you. I bet you.
He has way more girth than you. Whoa.
You got me. You burned me.
You burned me. You burned me.
Yeah, you burned me. He has more girth than you.
Yeah, I know what girth is. No disrespect, Rody.
Guys, we got to be, you know, because this podcast is about positivity. We're having fun.
And I'm having fun, right? And I want to, let's get to, let's just play a little game. What do you think? Okay? Yeah, go ahead.
Let's see. Let's just look at each, everyone look at each other.
Like I look at all three of you in the room. I see something positive and then you guys say something about, you know, right? And we'll just keep up.
Is this a therapy session? No. Let's talk about topics.
I know. We will both do this first.
You want to connect. That's what it is.
Yeah, I want to connect with you guys. It's quantum.
Why don't you start? And then go around like clockwise. I think Rudy, Juliana, I think you're a smart girl, and I think that you're a good girl.
You have a good heart. You do a lot of work around the house, and I really appreciate you.
Okay? Steve. You are my brother.
Okay? You're my brother, man. And your rage and your anger has subsided, is it not?

Thank you.

What?

That's a compliment.

Subsided means...

That's brotherly love right there.

I feel that.

It's a compliment.

It's simmered down.

Your rage is no longer.

But you did wrestle that fat guy came out.

But I was cornered.

I had no other choice. Right.
When you're cornered like a little rat in a trap who bites us guy came out. But I was cornered.
I had no other choice.

Right.

When you're cornered like a little rat in a trap, who bites his way out?

I do.

I know you do.

Yeah.

Okay.

I love George, by the way.

He bites, bro?

The kid that I wrestled.

George.

His name was George.

You bite, Steve?

No, I did a single leg takedown.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

And you, man.

I thought you mean like Mike Tyson.

No, I didn't punch. It was a wrestling match.
No, no punching. We find the Yellow brick road That's where you You all at love You will find it Somehow I know you run a 30-minute mile.

But that's a beautiful... That mile, you hustling, right?

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Around the four tracks, 30 minutes, right?

Yeah.

It's an inspiration to me, man.

Okay.

Right.

You never call him a Oompa Loompa ever.

I didn't call him a Oompa Loompa.

He didn't call me...

I didn't call him a Oompa Loompa.

I didn't call him a Oompa Loompa. I thought you did.
Why? Because of the Wizard of Oz? Yeah I didn't call her I thought you did He could have been the lion He could have been the lion Just don't do that He's an Ooppa Loompa What are you gonna do man I did it first Go ahead Rudy She don Rudy. Now you tell everybody.
Rudy, go ahead. Yeah, yeah.
She don't even know me, bro.

Steve, you're nice.

That's good.

That's good.

That's positive.

I like it.

Go to Doc.

Go to me.

Doc, I don't know you, but.

You can do it, Rudy.. God damn it.
Just do it. I like your face.
Thank you. Tito Bobby.
See that? That's nice. I feel that.
That's good energy. Tito Bobby.
Yeah. Phew.
I like your style. That's pretty good.
That's good some good energy Rudy I love your carefree attitude towards life and how I feel like you've grown being on this and just cause you know this is not your forte but you're forced to like endure it and like grow through the process and so i commend you for that thank you doc when i was doing open mics years ago you were one of the only one of the people that were always treating me nice even at like rock paper or at meltdown you're always always always nice to me nice to me. And I even did a, I remember I had a bit about a fleshlights.
Hold up. I had a bit about fleshlights and you actually pulled me to the side and you said, Hey, you know, that's funny, but so-and-so is, does that joke too.
And so you, I looked up to you that in that way where you're kind of correcting me as far as the community and jokes and yeah, ethics and all that. And you're a loyal guy.
You're a hardworking man. You know what I mean? You're still grinding.
Bobby. You hear that, Bob? It's good stuff.
You're the most hardworking guy. You've been so loyal to your family and friends.
You've been good to Kalilah. You're the most...
What could I say? What's the word for... It's okay.
I get it. No, no, no.
You're just so driven as far as... He's just so long, though.
Okay, so you're a good guy. You're a great brother.
You're a great brother. You could have just said that.
You have a good heart. Thank you.
Okay. Yeah.
Little one, go ahead. We'll start over here first.
All right, Rudy. Beautiful soul.
Thank you. Vibrant smile.
All right. I'm glad you made that trip from Thailand.
Yep. Never been there.
Beautiful country, though. Yeah.
Very good. You can tell.
It's a beautiful country, Brad. It's a beautiful country.
And, yeah. You've never been to Thailand? Go to Thailand.
Yeah, yeah. Go to Thailand, right? Go to Thailand.
In the Olympics, you always, when you think of Rudy, think of Thailand, and also, when they're in the Olympics, always root for Thailand. Thailand, okay.
You know how many golds they've've won Thailand? How much they win? I have no idea. Me neither.
Probably none. Okay well.
Yeah. Love Thailand.
Yeah. Steve.
You're everything with Korea should be I would guess. Everything's what is this a fucking you know he's yeah yeah but everything has to be like about the country then, then it's just connecting.
He's an American, you fuckface. We're from San Diego, Doc.
Jesus Christ. Oh, okay, well...
We're from Poway. Why does everything have to be Korean? Yeah, I apologize.
Start over. San Diego.
Okay, let's start over. You're a great skateboarder.
But I'm not... He's a pop shovel.
I have a pop shovel. Yeah, you can do a pop shovel.
Let's redo that. Let's redo it.
Start over. Go back to Rudy.
Yeah, go back to Rudy. No, no, no.
I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.
I'm serious. No, I'll tell you why, right? What's that? She's from the Philippines.
Yeah, not Thailand. Not Thailand.
Different country. So you fucked it up in the beginning.
Different country. So start over there.
I'm just trying to connect. I'm just trying to feel the energy.
The energy. Hey, we're just trying to help you.
Yeah, I see. But it's just, I feel a little negativity.
No, no, no. Creeping in over there.
No, no, no. There's nothing.
We love you here. You feel it? We love you.
We love you. All right.
I guess it's just me. Go back to Rudy.
Rudy. Yeah.
Manny Pacquiao. Oh, my God.
Everything's funny. He's great.
Okay. Manny Pacquiao is great my God.
Everything's funny.

He's great.

Manny Pacquiao is great.

The Philippines, right?

Yeah. Exactly, yeah.

You're doing great.

I'm with you.

I'm with her.

That's all I'm saying.

I love you all.

Because of Manny?

He's great.

He's great.

What else am I saying?

I don't know.

Good luck at Cal State, right? Yeah, yeah. Very good.
I don't want to say anything else that might be. And Steve.
Yeah, yeah. Think about it.
Think about it. Open mics was fantastic with you.
I had a great time. You can see I'm bad at this, man.
Why would y'all put me in? But I love you You know I'm nothing but love You're my dog though You really are my dog Always respect that the comedy story I'm not ready yet Alright let's come on over here Bobby Are you happy with the exercise? Yeah I'm very happy with it Also it's my turn now He's turn now. He's giving me my...
I thought you already went. No, he hasn't done money yet.
Okay, sorry. Why are you doing that? I was waiting for my fucking dog thing.
No, that wasn't intentional. Yeah, you were.
No, no, that wasn't. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, go ahead. Yeah, can I get my little thing? Yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Go ahead. All right.
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Bobby's teaching me Korean. Yeah.
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Babbel.com slash badfriends. Greatest words that can be said is come off the movie Heat.
What? My sunset rises in sets with you. I don't know, man.

I'm just trying to...

Don't do this.

Don't you do this.

I was hearing you.

You're letting the negativity creep in.

The sunset rises

and sets with you.

The sunset rises and sets with you.

That's off the movie Heat.

That's what you want to say to me. It just means that it's a sunset rises sets with you.
Yeah, that's off the movie Heat. Heat, right? So that's what you want to say to me.
Yeah, it just means that it's happy days. It means every day is the same with you.
You're not good at this, are you? Not really. Giving compliments.
Yeah, giving compliments. But you're a great dude.
You've always been... You know what? You're the one.
This is what I'm talking about. You're the one that really had me going to the open mics and pushing, doing a comedy because of how much you used to harass me.
What you talking about, Willis? See, now I'm trying to – I found a comfort zone within myself to express. What are you angry for? What are you angry for? What are you doing? What is that? You gotta respect him.
He just doesn't.

He don't have it.

He just made an old 70s sitcom reference.

He just don't have it.

Yeah, who said it though?

Who said it?

That's from different strokes.

I know, but who said it?

Who said it?

It's from different strokes.

Who was the guy that said it?

Is that from different strokes?

Yeah, yeah, but...

Oh, Kerry Cole.

Yeah.

Now you get the joke.

It's funny though. That's how he does it.
Don't add that in the podcast. Why? I'm sorry.
Holy smokes. My bad, man.
That was a cool exercise. That was a good exercise.
I did it. Very good exercise.
How was Austin? It was good. I didn't know.
It was for the Moon Tower Comedy Festival. You know what it reminds me of? What? Do you remember when you went to Maui? Yeah.
It was a film festival. Yeah.
But we didn't go to any of the events. We just stayed in our room.
Yeah. I did that in Austin.
Why? I just didn't. I didn't know how to read the itinerary or show up to these places.

Yeah.

So I was just eating beef jerky and drinking snapples.

You didn't know nobody else?

Yeah, I just kicked it.

Because on TNT, they're playing Star Wars.

They had New Hope, Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi, Phantom Menace.

And they showed it on a loop.

Yeah.

So I thought that was cool.

So I just stayed indoors

okay

Star Wars though

yeah

can I say something

yeah

may I

yeah

alright so

when I picked you up

right

when I picked you up

in the car

right

yeah

you said

hey dude

you guys

remind

I got something good

about Austin

so

bring it up

right

and Jules and I

were like

oh you got some

good stories

you're like

Thank you. Right.
I'm embarrassed. That's what you fucking were going to say.
Yeah, I was going to say I just ate beef jerky in my hotel room. Man.
And I thought it would get a reaction. That's not good at all.
It wasn't good. No, it wasn't good at all.
I feel like hiding in my show. It wasn't good.
Oh, I'm a failure. Oh, no.
You don't have to kill myself. No, no, no.
Don't do that. Don't do that, Bobby.
No, no, no. Don't do that.
No, no, no. Don't kill yourself.
Oh, I'm a failure. Bobby, Bobby.
Step in, Bobby. I'm on my last rope.
Bring back there. Hold on.
Hold on. Stop back.
I failed you, dude. Stop back over with the heart.
No, no, I failed you hard. I'm so sorry.
How about this? I got some pills on me. How about this? Oh, no, I don't deserve to live.
That's it. You know what's the magic of podcasting? What? The magic of podcasting is we could cut that out, right? Yeah.
You could do it over. Make something up.
I don't have a good story. No, you don't make it up.
Ready? I don't have anything good. So here we go.
Cut. Okay.
And action. Ask me again.
How was Austin? It was fantastic. So me and Jeremiah, we did a live Scissor Bros podcast event.
Uh-huh. And we had a very awesome challenge, and it had to do with barbecue sauce.
Mm-hmm. Andreas, cut that out too.
No, no, no. I gave you a shot.
I gave you a shot. I'm giving you a shot.
We can cut it out, right? What I'm saying is that you can just make something up. This is the thing.
In my mind, I thought it would be interesting. In my mind.
I'm like, oh, that would be interesting. I could relay the Maui trip and incorporate it with our trip to Austin in the fact that we didn't do anything or engage in any activities.
So it's like 2 in the morning. You're in your hotel room.
Let me just cut back to it. Yeah.
You're watching Return of the Jedi, right? You're watching it. You're going, I can't wait to tell everyone about this.
Oh, no, no. Hold up.
No, no. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
I got it. I got it.
No. You got me you got me on that one i'll let you i'll let you jab at me i went to the daniel johnston mural i know but did you post it yeah so people know that already okay i also went i also went to have you heard of bucky's bucky's is a gas station they have in texas there's like a hundred pumps but it's like the size of a Walmart.
They have their own beef jerky section and you can buy all kinds of stuff. Like what? They have their own barbecue section where you can get like sandwiches, like tri-tip sandwiches.
Oh, they have their own potato chips called beaver Chips. So they make their own Beaver potato chips.
They also sell Bucky's t-shirts and beanies. They have merch.
They also have these icy stations every couple meters. Just like 7-Eleven.
Bobby. Just like 7-Eleven or what? Bobby He's trying to In my mind You don't know what's going on in my mind In my mind I'm saying this is not working I know it is working Let's go to Doc We picked you up in that fucking car I know I thought in my mind I thought it would resonate I thought it to Boston, so I'm bringing it to Boston.
I thought it would resonate. Right.
I thought it would resonate, and it didn't. And I take it back.
How about if I segue in a very positive way? There you go. All right.
Did you see any of the Star Wars movies? No. You don't know anything about it? No.
Name it. You don't know one character.
Please. The one that says, I am the father.
Yeah. I am the father.
He goes says i am the father yeah i am the father he goes i am the father hear me roar that's what he says luke skywalker yeah that's the only thing you know yeah okay so let's talk about what let's see did you watch all the star wars not all of them but I watched a lot of them Which ones have you missed? Let's see Rogue I know Aside from the off shit movies Just the core nine movies did you see the core nine? I saw all the way up to Empire Strikes Back and that was the second movie. Return of the Jedi.
So you're the first one Empire Strikes Back. You saw Return of the Jedi and that's it? That's it Bobby.
Yeah. Why you do this man? I know but what I'm asking you is.
You why Why? You only saw those three? You loved Empire Strikes Back? Do you know why? Is that your favorite one? Yeah You know why? What? What do you think I was going to say? You were going to say something about Lando Carizan. Billy Dee Williams.
I know him.

I know him.

I know him.

That was good, though.

Do you love Lando?

Yeah, he's good.

When you watch that, you want to be-

I'm more of a-

You know who I'm a fan of?

What?

I'm a big fan of Bubba Fett.

That's my dude.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, really?

Bubba Fett, yeah.

Yeah, me too.

Always.

I love Bubba Fett.

You're a Bubba Fett guy. That's my dude right there, guy.
I thought you were in the movie, actually. The first one.
Yeah. Which character? One of your little brown robe.
A jawa? A jawa? I think it went, Udini. That's not you? Dude, he's calling you a jawa.
He just called you a jawa. I'd be a jawa.
Sorry, my bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, then.
I'll be a Ewok. Let's turn it on you.
I'll be a Ewok. Hold up, Bob.
What's your favorite Star Wars and why? Let's turn it on you. Well, I think Empire Strikes Back is the best one because it's dark.
Why? It's dark. The ending of the movie is not positive, it's crazy.
He loses his hand. Yeah.
Right?

They took Han Solo.

And Carbonite.

Carbonite.

Carbonite.

Cloud City.

Cloud City, yeah, yeah.

It was a dark episode.

But I liked, the first three I liked.

What was the worst?

Oh.

Phantom Menace.

Oh, no.

Phantom Menace.

No.

Phantom Menace is the worst one.

The second, the Ryan Johnson. What, the second one that he did? Sounds like somebody ain't seen them all.
The new one? The Last Jedi? The Last Jedi was terrible. Dude, Phantom Menace was the worst.
The Last Jedi. When Anakin's a kid? No.
Oh, I want to go racing. I know, but remember The Last Jedi where Princess Leia gets shot into space.
Right. She's dead.
Oh, and she's like Mary Poppins back. She's flying in space.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. That was a bad choice.
Terrible choice. Yeah.
What else did you not like about it? So that didn't like I didn't like I just didn't like the way they brought Luke into the thing. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Respect Luke's name. Yeah.
Yeah. Respect him.
Exactly. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I just thought't like the way they brought Luke into the thing respect Luke's name respect him

I just thought the whole thing was like

also like that whole

like the rebellion

you know how

I forgot what's

the Vegas stuff

yeah that was kind of random

and they bust all those animals out

it was unnecessary

they had Las Vegas in there?

yeah Las Vegas was in there

Donald Trump's in it

Thank you. Yeah, that was kind of random, right? And they bust all those animals out.
Yeah, yeah. It was unnecessary.
It was unnecessary. They had Las Vegas in there? Yeah, Las Vegas.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Donald Trump's in it.
Anyway, it's great. Donald Trump? What kind of shit is that? In Star Wars? Why would he be in...
He's pulling your leg. See, that's why, you know, man.
Why would you even believe that, you fucking asshole? Because it's Star Wars. All right.
So, you know, anybody could be in Star Wars. Everyone can be in it, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you said Vegas, though.
Yeah, yeah. There's a Vegas-like city.
It's not actual Vegas, man. Yeah, it's like Vegas, but not Vegas.
See, that's what you should have said. Why would you say? You don't know much about pop culture, huh? Not really, bro.
No, he does. He just grew up.
No, I want to ask him. Pop culture meaning what? Like his favorite movies growing up favorite movies growing up go ahead doc yeah give me your top three movies man school yeah rip me apart school top three

movies yeah yeah heat yeah because what was that line in heat what's the line my son said right my

son rises my son rises rises with you rises and sets with you yeah yeah you

Thank you. Rises and sets with you.
Sets with you, yeah, yeah. You love that quote, huh? Man, that was a little soft.
Yeah, yeah. You didn't feel that right there? What's the second one? Two more movies.
Two more movies. Dumb and Dumber.
Don't be like this, man. Don't, don't, don't be judgmental.
If I'm going to name movies, I'll hear y'all cackling in the back Great cinematic movie That laugh back there That's from the stomach Don't do it Steve He's doing it from his heart He really believes that Dumb and Dumber Is one of his favorite movies Doc one more One more Training Day Why is that fun It does it go in that order you think yeah, you know, I just can I put tombstone in there too? Tombstone? What the fuck? You could put Tombstone in there. Tombstone.
Get the Western and do a good one. Very good one.
Damn good movie. Damn good movie.
Val Kilmer. Val Kilmer.
Sam Elliott. Paxton.
Damn good movie. Damn good movie.
How about this? Let's go to top three albums. Music? Music albums? Yeah, yeah.
Okay, Nevermind by Nirvana. Really? Yeah.
Tupacalypse Now with Tupac. Very good.
And then Off the Wall with Michael Jackson. That's a great album.
Yeah, dude, I mean, you can't dispute that. HelloFresh.
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To receive your first month of treatment for free, that's keeps.com slash bad friends to get your first month free.eps.com slash bad friends all right i gotta tell you the craziest thing go ahead let's fucking happen with this guy okay tell me tell me so you know how like the or at the back door of the comedy store where we sitting we're on the post right there yeah and then there's the bathroom right there the front or the back oh the hallway the hallway the hallway in the back gotcha right with everybody come out of their cars Parks' car comes, and I'm sitting on the stool, right? And he said, I got to go to the bathroom. So he goes in the bathroom, and then there's a customer waiting right behind the door.
Bobby come charging out a couple minutes later with his pants down on his ankles, wobbling, yellow belly out and everything, bro. He comes charging at me and everything.
And then, and the customer gets so fucking mad and he sees bobby with his pants down yellow cheeks because i don't know where do you get them drawers from the underwear you got with the cheeks stick out a little bit anyway no he was he had his drawers on yeah he had his drawers on but his pants down to his ankle so he's like hobbling towards me yeah and then the customer goes, hey, man, because what the fuck?

Yeah.

You didn't wash your hands.

Go back in there

and wash your fucking hands.

And I wobbled back in.

This guy.

I wobbled back in and washed my hands.

This guy.

This guy was more concerned

about this dude washing his hands.

Oh, him being naked.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking.

Let's go back to the underwear.

What kind of underwear was he wearing?

Why?

I just know.

I don't know these drawers where the cheeks are. But they weren't boxer shorts.
They were different kinds of underwear, right? Yeah, they're not. Are you a boxer's guy or are you a tiny whiny guy? I'm a boxer's.
Yeah, a real man. Let me see.
Let me see. What are you wearing? Boxers.
Okay. Yeah, me too.
I'm all about them boxers, son. Fruit of the Lord.
What about you? Oh, no, no. Fruit of the Lord no you're gonna see what i have yeah okay see that's different what are you the underwear there's always something different dude what is that snake skin yeah holy smokes you're wearing snake skin underwear every time why is there a rip towards the top dude there's something wrong with you no you need therapy dude It's time.'s not It's time it's time therapy.
Yeah, that's crazy You need it. Yeah, but you never we all need it.
We all need it. There be is really good Well, it's positive right are you really in therapy? No, no, are you just saying that just to look good? Are you really doing it? I have a therapist with my...
Yeah, right? I do therapy every Thursday. Jules, is this true? Yeah, yeah.
You're really doing therapy? I've been doing it for years. I'm proud of you.
I didn't know that. What do you guys talk about with your therapy? I've talked about you.
And then mom and dad? No, you. Okay, that's fine.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
A lot about you, man. Okay.
Yeah. You know what? I want to apologize.
Who's the owner? As a kid, I remember as a kid in Minnesota, I used to just punch you for no reason. And then you would be like, don't hit your brother.
I want to apologize. That was wrong.
So you're 51, 52? You're 51, 52? No. He's 50.
He's younger. I'm younger.
Oh, that's right. Three years younger Did he look younger? Come on Yeah I had your back I got you dog Yeah yeah Seriously I had you the whole time He betrayed you dude He fucking betrayed you That was real That was real Don't be all look young He really believed That you were older That was real Hold up Doc I had your back, I had your back the whole time.
No, no, no. I had your freaking back the whole time.
I know, yeah. I was going to take a bullet for you, and then you did that.
How do you feel now? A little betrayed. A little bit.
Dude, but are we on the same page? Give me some skin. I love you.
Please be on my side. I love you.
You said that you was punching on him, so usually that's what the older brother does. Oh, he's not.
We're out me set the context We were wrestling in mom and dad's room I did an arm drag And your arm went out the window You were headbutting each other On our. My whole body went out the window.

No, no.

Your arm went out.

Did it break glass?

It broke glass.

We broke the glass.

Right.

Of the whole window.

So my head and my arm are out the window.

Out the window.

Right.

You pulled it back in.

Yeah.

You cocked back.

He did something where he cocked back.

Yeah, he just cocked back.

And then boom, he just knocked me out.

Right.

Wow.

But let me say something.

He's knocking it out like a couple times.

Can I say this? Go ahead. Go ahead.
That's usually my reaction when somebody throws me out a window. That's just my gut.
No, no, no. Don't shake my hand.
No, don't shake my hand. No, no.
No, honestly, dude. No, no.
Usually my gut instinct. No, no, no.
Get me back up. Back up.
Usually my gut instinct. But you know I love you.
I don't know what you do. I love you.
I don't know what you do when you get thrown out a window. I love you so much.
I punch the guy in the face. Dude, I love you so much.
You know that. Don't throw me out a window.
I will never do that again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
In fact, we haven't gotten a fight in many, many years. Oh, dude.
Oh, my God. Many years.
We would be playing FIFA, right? FIFA. Oh, it's soccer.
The video game. Yeah, yeah.
We were playing FIFA, and that is placed in Orange. That place, right? Okay.
And I would score the winning goal, right? Like 10 seconds left. Yeah, I won, right? And my brother would go right in my fucking face.
No, no, no, no, I would do this. No, no, no, hold up.
He's not giving me, he's not doing the real story. It started with Knockout Kings, the boxing game.
Okay. Right? Yeah.
We went all 12 rounds. Yeah.
There's a button where you can hit them in the nuts and they'll bend over. Yeah.
Then you could do a cheap shot. Yeah.
He did that to me. Oh.
That's where it started. And then what happened then? I pulled two knives off.
What? Two knives, bro? This is. No, no.
Look at Rudy. No, no, no.
It was like this. Yeah, he did bad.
I did the reverse crane. I go, you want to do it? Let's do it, dude.
All right, but let me ask you this, though. The two knives incidents.
Let me finish. Go ahead.
Let me finish. It happened in Silver Lake, correct? Sanborn.
Sanborn. That's in Silver Lake, right? Correct.
Yeah.

What did I have to do the next morning?

Okay, so I thought about this.

If that wouldn't have happened, I don't think he would have booked Mad TV.

That gave him the extra edge.

Doc, Doc, Doc, that gave him the extra edge to book it.

Yeah.

So that's the positive. So you should make me.
Now can we hear the other side? Doc, Doc. I want to hear the other side.
It was two in the morning, right? I'm so sorry. I feel horrible.
Come on. Let me just finish.
Okay. It was two in the morning, right? The next morning at nine, I had to audition for my final audition at Matt TV, for Matt TV, right? Meanwhile, I'm dodging, you know what I mean? Knives from him because he's going to kill me, right? He thinks that...
What are you laughing at, Jules? He thinks that he's the reason why, right? Like, when I was in the audition, I was just like, I better get this because I almost died. No, no, it gave him the edge.
It gave you an edge. It gave you an edge.
So did you wake up the next day with- I didn't wake up. I didn't sleep.
Oh, shit. So you were on edge.
But the point being, Doc, is he booked it. He booked it, man.
He was off for nine years. That's the point.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you thank him for that? No, it's not because of me.
You're back on my side. Now he's back on my side.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. When somebody puts your life in danger, you perform at your time.

He literally thought that you were older than me.

No, he just made a, that was a common mistake.

No, did you believe that?

Doc, think about it.

Yeah, I did.

I just actually thought you were the older brother.

Yeah, so.

But it's not a bad thing.

It's not a bad thing.

It's just a, you know what I'm saying?

It's just a mishap.

That hit me, like a bullet of depression just hit me so hard, man. God damn it.
Like, wow. That bad? I don't know.
It kind of bothered me a little bit. Do you guys think that if we, us three, right, as a team, did that show alone? Us four, maybe.
No. Okay, once again, alone.
Yeah. It's a survivalist show.
You don't know what it is? You know, they'll drop them in Alaska somewhere. Oh, it's the same thing? you don't know what it is you know they'll drop them in alaska yeah they have to survive in the snow gather wood set traps what it's a survivalist show it's a survivalist show what's the show that they had before surviving when they dropped them off when they dropped them off naked or something come on naked and afraid Naked and Afraid.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't do watch a little bit or if we did naked and afraid right us three naked right I should have there's another survivalist show that I can pick up like I'm just saying hypothetically right usothetically, right? Yeah.
Us three naked on Naked and Afraid, right? We're out in what? Real men. We're out.
We're on like what? In Alaska. No, Alaska.
No, Columbia. Naked and Afraid.
Columbia? I thought it was cold. That's alone.
Oh, that's alone. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Naked and Afraid, we're in some sort of jungle. Right, right, right.
So we're naked. Oh, Columbia.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ay, ay-yi-yi-yi.
Okay. What the fuck was that? That's not Columbia.
You did some Native American Native American tribal thing. That's not Columbia, you know what I mean? Ay-yi-yi-yi.
I thought I was with you. I'm not with you.
I'm not there? Fuck. We would die.

Within a day, we would die.

You don't think us three could do it? We wouldn't last a week.

We would not last a week.

We wouldn't last a week.

We would not survive. How do you know?

Dude, insects, the weather,

we need to start a fire, we need to find food.

Insects is protein. It's a whole thing, dude.

Insects is protein. That's number one.

So we need bugs.

So we good. Maybe that's your job.
We're naked, right? Doc, go collect the bugs. There we go.
How would you do it? With a net, right? No, we have no net. Well, we don't have nothing? Yeah.
No, we have nothing. Yeah.
Well, we just can't. No, you have a tarp.
I mean, we just eat them as we see them. Like, I'm like, oh, that was a print of masks.
I think that should be your job. I think you're...
I think you'd be that guy.

Oh, that guy?

Yeah, yeah.

No, you save it all.

Okay.

What are you going to do?

One at a time?

No, you put it in one...

At a time, you just grab it live.

No, we have a basket.

No, Bobby.

Dude, I'm telling you right now, this is how I want it.

That's how you want it, but I'm saying...

Well, we're on...

As a team, we got to work something out, right?

Okay.

So you're bug guy.

What would you be?

Get the water. How would you do it? Go to the water.
Yeah, but where? Okay, but where? The lake. I'd go to the lake.
What if there's no lake? I'd go get a bucket. A bucket? Yeah.
And then do what? Hold on, hold on, hold on. No, no, no, no.
Check this out, check this out. If I couldn't have my little shit to catch the boat,

I would eat, get water.

I'd boil the water to make it drinkable.

Where would you get the water, fuckface?

And where would you boil it?

There's no lake.

Ain't no ponds either.

Yeah.

Well, we need water or we're dead,

because that's-

Yeah, that's your job.

Maybe extract it from the leaves.

Okay.

That's a good one.

Now you're thinking.

You know what I'm saying?

Remember Tom Hanks' Castaway, remember what he did? What'd you do? No, what do you do? He did that, right? With the leaves. He did the fruit? Yeah.
Yeah, remember? But he also had coconuts on the island. But I feel, you know what I feel like though? You don't think I could do it? No, I know you can.
I could totally do it. But can I be honest with you? Go ahead.
Be honest with me, I mean, okay? If you're out doing that, right, I bet you'd take more water for yourself. No, I would never do that to you.
Oh, wow. No, I would never do that.
You would get a couple more drops. No, no, no, I wouldn't.
I would give you. And you would be eating more bugs.
Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, what about you? What about you? What about you? You're pointing fingers. What about you? What would you do? What would you do? I'm building a condo, baby.
You ain't building nothing. Yeah, I'm building a fortress, baby.
Out of what? Out of bamboo shoots? No, you don't know that. Out of bamboo shoots? Leaves? I do know.
Oh, because you're in Colombia. Okay.
I don't know. Do they have bamboo? Now you get it, right? Now you get it, right? Yeah.
Yeah, right? I got bamboo shoots, right? I'm making elevated shit, right? Yeah. There's going to be a system where like, you know what I mean? You need a machete though.
You need tools. Yeah, we get it.
We use rocks. So how many items do we get? How many items do we get? We all get one.
So what would be your item? A net. Okay, so good.
Because I've seen what they do. So we all get one item? Yeah, what do you want with your item? To fish.
Oh, shit. I would have a spear.
Okay. Okay, for what? Spearfish.
And to hunt. Yeah, no leg, but.
And to hunt. And to hunt.
Oh, hunt. No, you got a Mercedes.
What do you think you could hunt? You can hunt. A lot of things.
A lot of birds, fowl. A bird with a spear? Yeah, a fowl.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait you sneak up on him, you can- Yeah, you can with a spear.
Yeah, I can chuck it. I don't know your spear work, so- Yeah, well- Really.
So it's going to be like- Right through the goddamn heart. I'm good.
Look at that bird a half a mile away. Yeah.
Go get it, doc. You can get it? Half a mile, that's what you're thinking.
I'm thinking more like an owl or something just sitting there- Oh, a Colombian owl. Yeah.
You know, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Something right there in the vicinity. It ain't got to be a goddamn hawk in the jungle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the jungle.
He could do it. Really? Yeah, I believe in him.
How the fuck do you know? I just know. Yeah, yeah.
Spear or boar? Yeah, boar. Dude, they're triple your size.
Well, you know in Rambo First Blood, he goes on top of the tree. You think he's John Rambo? Yeah.
Well, you know in Rambo First Blood, no, Rambo First Blood, remember he goes on top of the tree. You think he's John Rambo? Well, you know what Rambo did.
No, but he's not John Rambo. Look up John Rambo.
My brother thinks that dog is that guy. Totally identical.
No, he could do could do it. This guy did it in the movie? You think that's him? He could do it.
Yeah, he could do it. There's no way.
I think he could. I think I could.
You remember the scene, right? He's on top of the tree branch and boom, he gets a boar. I feel like you though, dude.
That's what I'm saying. I'm not doing a joke about your size or I'm not doing a joke about, you know what I mean? Anything about that.
There, that's the scene. That's what I'm talking about.
Yes! Dude, that's Doc. I'm trying to tell you, bro.
Oh, and he's wearing his Jawa outfit. From, from, from Star Wars.
He's wearing his Jawa outfit. Houdini and he's there.
All right, is that what it is? Don't get mad, Steve. I got your back.

Don't let it.

Everything's fine.

Just breathe, okay?

Yeah, so I honestly, and this is not a joke to him.

I think this is a positive thing.

I'm being real.

Go ahead.

I feel like us three would be naked, right?

What?

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

No, this is real.

And we're like walking along.

We're like, oh, we're complaining, right?

And then Doc kind of goes, imagine this.

He goes, stop.

And he senses something in a tree in the horizon.

Guess what he senses?

What?

Predator.

From the movie.

Predator.

Man, I don't think I know where you're going with this thing.

That made no sense.

Whether it is a black guy or a predator.

Oh, okay.

That's not what I'm saying. What are you talking about? Oh, okay.
That's not why I'm saying a black guy.

What are you talking about?

Oh, okay.

All right.

What are you referring to?

What are you getting at?

Do you ever saw the movie Predator?

I own it.

I love Predator.

Yeah.

Aren't they on the trees?

I see you.

Yeah.

Oh.

You can sense them.

So he has that.

I'm trying to give him an ability.

Oh, so he has an ultra ability.

Oh, you call him Carl Weathers.

No, I'm not saying Carl Weathers.

I'm not saying Carl Weathers.

No, that's not the one.

No, it was the native guy that sensed him.

Okay.

Do you remember?

Oh, you're right.

Yeah, right.

I think we would last six hours.

Yeah.

That's it?

Yeah, yeah.

I could have no faith in our abilities.

I ain't eating no fucking bug, bro.

I mean, that's your meal, dude.

How would we catch food?

How would you eat? Snares?

No, man. Nuts?

I'm a nut collector, dude.

How are you going to find nuts? They might be poisonous.

They might be poisonous.

But yeah, there's a lot of fruit and vegetables and stuff out there.

Nuts.

Hey, guys, I found a carrot.

A carrot. Hold on, hold on.
I found two potatoes A carrot And a fucking quart And a can of V8 I found a can of V8 out here I found tomato juice I found tomato juice guys I found Clamato Yeah, we're in a a Ralph in the middle of the- He's like, there's a fruits and vegetables.

Out in the middle of nowhere?

We do.

There's no fruits and vegetables out there, man.

But there are nuts and stuff, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What about bananas?

There's gotta be something like that out there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Some bananas.

But some of those berries and stuff are poisonous.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Plants too, yeah.

You gotta know you.

Yeah, but I think water is the most important.

Oh, yeah.

But I think the mosquitoes would eat us up alive.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You kill us?

Thank you. Yeah, but I think water is the most important.
Oh, yeah. But I think the mosquitoes would eat us up alive.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You kill us? What? If we're in Colombia, we gotta worry about tigers and stuff like that. Yeah, panthers, panthers, panthers, panthers.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
Are they good, you think? Would we kill one? I would eat it. I wouldn't eat it.
No, I would eat it. You would eat a panther? Yeah, dude.
We're out there for three days.

Yeah, that's food.

You'd rather eat the bugs?

That's food.

Yeah, eat the bugs.

You eat the bugs, we'll eat the panther.

Eat bugs.

I eat the panther.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to be smashing bugs.

That's it.

Yeah, yeah.

You would not eat a panther.

No.

Yeah, yeah.

If you're hungry, you would.

If you're hungry, you would.

Yeah.

That's for damn sure you would.

If I got enough bugs, I'm good.

Let me ask you this.

I don't think so.

What if, let's say it wasn't a show.

Fucking Panther, bro?

It wasn't a show.

We were in a survival situation, right?

Mm-hmm.

And one of us dies, right?

I would never eat them.

I wouldn't eat him or you.

I know you're getting that.

I would not eat you guys.

No.

Why?

Because you're my brother.

I know, but I'm dead.

I know, but that just wouldn't feel right.

Oh, hell no.

No, that's what know you're getting it I would not eat you guys why cuz you're my brother I know but I'm dead I know but it just wouldn't feel right oh no that's what you would know both of you yeah it would be like a rotisserie thing you stick sticking out your mouth yeah you're being fucking twirled yeah yeah yeah don't give a fuck dude, and I would take a knife and just slowly you know me a little bit

You wouldn't you would not eat my nuts. Okay.
I would not your nutsack now

Okay, because I don't want it. Well, it's dry.
It's dry skin Yeah, I don't like it.

Is that here again?

Yeah, yeah.

You want to see?

No, no.

Are you good?

Leave him all in.

What the fuck are you talking about, dog?

That's all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's all here.

Yeah.

So, all right You're good. Leave the ball in.
What the fuck are you talking about, dog? That's all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's all here.

Yeah.

So, all right.

Well, then that's good.

Yeah, I feel like we accomplished something.

Yeah.

What meals do you eat?

I only eat one meal a day.

Do you eat more than one meal?

Yeah, I eat twice.

I eat one.

One meal?

Yeah.

Why?

I don't know.

That's the only answer you got? Yeah just need one is that wrong i don't know okay well because they say you're supposed to eat three times and you fucking only need once i feel great though yeah you look it's called it's called intermittent fasting intermittent fasting yeah that's what it is that's what it is yeah yeah one meal a day yeah yeah Yeah. For how long you been doing that? For a year now, I think.
And Bobby eats like what, four or five? Oh, dude, he eats a lot, dude. That's so rude.
You eat a lot. That's so rude.
I just asked him. You know he orders customized pan pizzas from somewhere and they deliver like these thick pizzas.
He puts them in the oven. He eats gourmet shit.
Yeah. Yeah.
Why? No, I'm just saying. I'm just, that's just your lifestyle.
You want me to eat only DiGiorno? No, I'm just saying that's good. I mean, it's a privilege to eat that.
That's all I'm saying. It's not a privilege.
No, no. It's a couple extra bucks.
I want nice pizza. Not everyone could do that.
That's all I'm saying. Everyone can do it.
No, no, no. They go to the grocery store.
They get like DiGiorno's. That's what you're saying.
Okay. Yeah.
That's what I get. But now you're persists.
I get DiGiorno's. No, no, no.
I'm not shaming you. I'm not shaming you.
You love the little mini DiGiorno's. The Celeste's.
No, not the Celeste's. DiGiorno's got the little small ones too.
I like those. Oh, they're good.
But you don't have them. You don't need those.
Do you want to talk about the dinner we had? What dinner? Well, you know, let's be mindful about it, though, you know, because it was a nice experience. I thought it was good.
Okay, go ahead. You had dinner today? No, Kalilah made reservations to a double Michelin star sushi restaurant that was very exclusive.
Very good. Very where dude, there was a sign where you can't talk in there.
There's like rules. Really? Yeah.
There's no fucking restaurant I can't talk in. You can't talk.
So is this complete silence? No, this is a whole different thing. And then when we showed up, what happened? What's the theme of the restaurant? Dude, there's only five other people in there.

They have to do reservations a year in advance.

What type of food is this?

It's the rarest Japanese fish to an Okinawa.

He doesn't know.

Like these rare fishes that are- Sea urchins.

Yeah, just rare stuff.

Yeah, yeah.

And we would sit there, and it's one of those places where you don't you can't order anything they just bring it to you yeah what the fuck what if you have a like it's like it's like a 25 just go at it that ain't i don't do that yeah yeah no that's so you don't know what the fuck you eat exactly no they you do no no no no because they show no, no. No, because they show you.
They show you. Trust the goddamn chef.
With the iPad. He's a fucking Michelin star fucking chef.
Yeah, you trust him. Well, then we're not going to bring you there.
How embarrassing would it be with them there? Yeah, because I'm going to talk. Hey, man, where's the end? No, no, no, no, there's a code.
Hey, bring my goddamn piece, whatever. No, no, no, no, no, there's a code.
You have to eat it. Yeah, yeah.
You have to eat it. You have to eat whatever they bring.
Dude, it's an $800. It's a crazy price.
It's an $800 meal. I have to be able to talk for $800.
That ain't- It's a lot of money. I'm going to say something to somebody.
What are you going to say? Bring me a sandwich. I got to say something.
Bring me a sandwich? Something that I want. You can't- No, no, no.
There's no menu. There's no menu.
There's no menu, Doc. There's no menu, Doc.
Right, right. You have no choice.
I'm just sitting at the table. You have to think what they present to you.
No, but listen to how weird that is. they present to yeah i'm just sitting here yeah and some motherfucker just go bon appetit and just walk away no we can't no you have to i don't know what the fuck this guy they show you they show you like a sea urchin like with spikes it's crazy yeah it's crazy yeah but go ahead yeah so they it was sea urchins and a lot of uh caviar caviar a a lot of caviar.
Like a caviar soup thing with fish eggs. Fish eggs and stuff, yeah.
And it was a pretty good meal, no? It was pretty good, pretty good. Yeah, pretty good stuff, yeah.
Yeah, it was pretty good stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we got the fuck out of there. We didn't finish it.
It was a lot, though, and you had a set to do at the OR. It was like two and a half hours long.
Yeah, it was a long. It was a whole experience, man.
Imagine not talking for two and a half hours long yeah it was a long it was a whole experience man imagine not talking for two and a half hours yeah yeah that's that's what i'm saying for 800 bucks yeah a piece i mean they make their own wasabi remember no no it was 400 a piece oh yeah yeah 400 piece it was 800 yeah yeah it's crazy they make their own wasabi it was pretty good though yeah it was a nice fun experience with yeah for sure yeah together. So let's thank Kalilah.
Thanks again, Kalilah, for hooking that up. So you guys do things together all the time? Oh, no, not really.
I haven't seen this guy in a long time. He's a busy guy.
Well, he did come over. I mean, during the pandemic, we didn't see each other a lot.
Yeah. But he's my brother.
I know where he is. Yeah.
He's difficult because he doesn't keep his ringer on. Yeah, do not disturb.
Right, so it's like- Do not disturb? The only way you can call him is- What if it's an emergency? I don't know. Just whenever I hear the sound- But why do not- Just silence.
I just, you know, it gives me anxiety, like, you know, like the sound. Yeah, yeah.
Why do you even have a cell phone in? I don't know. I just like, you know, I'll check it when I check it and then I always hit you back and everything's fine.
fine. Yeah, I'll say call me, and they'll call me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, then I'll call you back. Okay.
And that's a wrap. Thanks for tuning in to Bad Friends, okay? Episode 229, okay? Who the fuck is that? That's Bobby.
Oh, that? Dude, that looks like you. Is that you, Bob? Who the fuck? Dude, that's you.
You in makeup? What is this? Is that you, Bob? That's not me, dude. Dude, that looks exactly like you.
Dude, that looks like Bob. Man, get the fuck.
Holy smokes. Is that you? That's you, dude.
That's not me, dude. That's you.
I don't look like that. The face is exact, right, Doc? Bro, that's your doppelganger right there, guy.
Dude, that's your doppelganger. Holy shit.
Dude, is that you, Bob? Yeah, that's me. Why would you do that, dog? I'm over here like, man, this dude looks just like Bob.
Is that you? Yeah, yeah. I have a video that I want you guys to laugh at.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
So I got one too after you you got one yeah all right so go to youtube okay this is let me explain my let me explain okay okay okay i got a good one though i got a good one after you so this one's called uh i ain't gay no more okay type it in so right so what it is so the point is we don't laugh we don't right we watch the video we don't laugh so right so it's basically he goes to church he's obviously gay right yeah but now that he's church he wants to say you know like he's that he's not he's saved yeah he's a christian now he's a christian so he really believes it right but it's like you know deep down inside he's yeah gotcha okay so don't like yeah yeah so the point is we don't laugh yeah yeah, yeah. Let's start from the beginning.

Do you believe that the Lord tonight has set you free?

Yes, sir.

Turn around and tell those people.

Tell them.

I'm not gay no more.

I am deliberate.

I don't like men no more.

I said I like women. Women, women, women, women.
So that dude got saved right there? Yeah, look up. Okay, he's still dancing.
Okay. That was funny.
Yeah, yeah. That was funny.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Yeah. But there's videos now of him Now going That was just You know Okay Yeah That's it my turn Your turn go ahead Okay so pull up Okay so let me You can't hear anything by the way No I'm over here Okay let me Okay this premise is Okay it's Type in virginity is Virginity is cool I know this one already You know Well let's show it to Doc Yeah but he can't even hear it And it's something that funny I think it's funny Okay Okay try not to laugh Go ahead Virginity is cool Come on Come on Virginity is cool What up Virginity is cool He's got it He's got Virginity is cool Come on Come on Virginity is cool What up They don't get the joke Alright It's fun Jules, do's got it.
He's got it. Virginity is cool.
Come on, come on. Virginity is cool.
What up, what up? They don't get the joke. All right.
It's fun. Jules, do you like it? Yeah.
Virginity is cool. Come on now.
Yeah, it's funny. It is cool, though.
Because I went to, I used to go to church. It is cool, though.
I used to go to church. Virginity is cool.
It is cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it. So I got to pull up a funny video? Yeah, you just tell them to type something in that you think will make us laugh and then we'll watch it oh shit yeah uh teddy bear prank with the black what man i thought that teddy bear prank is fine you know what i'm gonna give you a shot teddy bear prank i think this will be a good one who's in the who's in the bear suit he is oh he's trying to scare his kid yeah Yeah, he's scaring his father.
Oh, he's scaring his father. Oh, I see.
Okay. Do they got them on the log? Do they got them on the curfew? Yeah, man, they shut the city down.
I said, my fuck was trying to barbecue and all kinds of shit. Like, they don't get no fuck.
Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, man.
Yeah, my fuck was at the late time. So they asked you to do it.
They just always at the late time. So the bear set that shit down.
Thank you. yeah are they sit outside.
Yeah, I know, I know, DJ, every day I come out with my clothes

thrown with the hands.

I'm like, oh, let me grab my clothes.

It's easy, because you know what?

Y'all got my...

He's scared.

He's so scared.

He's so scared. he's got a knife he's got a knife that's a good one holy.
Oh, my God. That was good.
You know what? You know what? That was so dangerous. That was good.
Somebody could have died. I know, but that was good.
They committed to it. Yeah, yeah.
They committed to it. That was a good one.
That was better than both ours. That shit had me on the floor.

I said, get your mother fucker.

Anyway, thank you for being bad friends.

My bad.

I didn't know we was going to say it at the same time.

We know some topics we can talk about.

It'll be funny.

What?

You have to ask me if I've seen this.

Ask me about this. Squid Game.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's 10 minutes right there.
Yeah, yeah. Ask me about that.
Did you see it? No, but that's why. Why haven't you seen it? Save it for the podcast.
No, no, no. Save that for the podcast.
All right. You asked me.
That's a 20-minute thing right there. That's a 20-minute thing.
No, it's... You knew who else was going to be there, right? Doc.
Oh, I love Doc.

Little Doc?

That's my home.

I love Doc.

Okay, the Doc's in a new Doc.

Doc?

Doorman Doc?

From the Comedy Store years ago?

No, my doctor.

Dr. Power Shadrini.

No, Doc with the glasses.

No, my doctor.

Dr. Power Shadrini.

I'm being stupid.

What?

Hey, will you stop filming?

Woo!