Bobby's 50th Birthday

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 I was ready at fucking 5.50 to go. And she wasn't even in.
Were you not in the house? No, I wasn't. Yeah, you weren't in the house, alright? So you can't give me that.

Speaker 1 Look, here's the second thing I want to say, okay? I just found out this fucking girl didn't get me anything for my birthday. It's my 50th birthday, and I go,

Speaker 1 where's the iPad?

Speaker 1 And she goes, That's too expensive. I got no money.
Yeah, you have fucking money, lady. It's still expensive.
I know. My point is, is then I go, and then I ask you, where's your money?

Speaker 1 And you go, I'm getting my teeth fixed. She hasn't been to the dentist one time since she's been in America.
So you fucking lied to me. And she said, my teeth are rotten.

Speaker 1 And number two, I'm not trying to be rude, all right? I know you're a young girl, okay? But what I'm saying is, is that I don't charge you rent in my house. Not one rent, right?

Speaker 1 When I go to a steakhouse or whatever, I always ask you, do you want some steak?

Speaker 1 Be honest with me, Jules, right? If I went to Morton's, right?

Speaker 1 And I go, do you want something to eat, right?

Speaker 1 And you said, I want a T-bone steak with baked potato and the trimmings, right? Would I not give it to you? You would. Yeah, right? And I would never use that against you.

Speaker 1 I would just be like, here, my child, here's some nutrients. I turn 15 years old once a year.
I mean, not once a year. Once a lifetime.
Not once a year. Sorry, I'm in Iran.
Once, I apologize.

Speaker 1 Once a lifetime, right? And in the Korean culture, the 50th birthday is the magical one. That's why little Santino, right, put all these little candy treats in front of me right now.

Speaker 1 They put all these little tech.

Speaker 1 What a surprise. This is Sponge.
Who is this? Buzz Lightyear. Buzz Light Year.

Speaker 1 Is that what his name is? Luigi. This is Toy Story.
Luigi, right? Because you're my little toy.

Speaker 1 You're my little toy. You don't start.

Speaker 1 you don't start my little i'm your little pocket pussy

Speaker 1 i'm your little pocket pussy

Speaker 1 so i just want to say to you jules i i'm gonna i'm going at the end of my rant all right sushi candy form what a look at that what a bright and ingenious way to present candy isn't that cute to an asian person for my little japanese friend yeah yeah this i'm the korean what korean are you serious yeah but we'll eat this too as well okay good so i mean i didn't get any candy from you i didn't get no treats from you we decorated and you gave nothing.

Speaker 1 You gave nothing. I have.

Speaker 1 What? What did you give? So, what? So, okay, here we go.

Speaker 1 That's all I wanted out of you. So, tomorrow is my birthday.
I have it here.

Speaker 1 Why are you screaming and getting aggressive? Because I just want to scream. All right, so you have a gift here.
Where is it?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 my bad then. Felice.
That's all I wanted.

Speaker 1 Can you bring it it to me?

Speaker 1 Can you bring it to me? Felice kubliano saki. Can you bring it to me? Felice kubliano saki.
Bobby.

Speaker 1 Felice la vida saki.

Speaker 1 Open it up.

Speaker 1 What is it?

Speaker 1 What is it, Bob? I don't have to open it, but I can just tell the panic. Show it to the fans.
People want to know what it is. What did you really get you? It's a cold Taco Supreme from Taco Bell.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 What a gift.

Speaker 1 That's it. You're not going to open it? No.
I know what it is. That's rude.
Open the gift. Fuck you.
What if it's not? What if it's a piece of cake?

Speaker 1 All right, I'm going to say this right now, all right? If I open this up and it's not an iPad,

Speaker 1 let's see.

Speaker 1 If I open, and this is not some futuristic taco that's going to do something for me, right? I am going to go fuck it. I might not even do the fucking podcast.

Speaker 1 Well, let me just see what it is because I want to know. All right, let's open it up.
All right. What is it? Oh, it's a cold taco fucking Supreme.
Oh, it is. Like I said.
But eat it, though.

Speaker 1 No, I can't eat it. Bike, bite, bite, bike.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. All right, well, throw it at her then out of anger and frustration.
No, no, no, no, just leave it to the side.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much. Very good.
Very good. Do you want the taco? Yeah.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 I also want to say this. Book shot.

Speaker 1 I also want to say this.

Speaker 1 What did I get you for your birthday?

Speaker 1 Anime thing. Where's the fucking mic? Anime stuff.
I know. Anyway.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much for the gifts. I don't know why Toy Story.
I've never seen the movies.

Speaker 1 What? Who did it? Do it again. What? I like knives.

Speaker 1 Do it again. I like knives.
We have a board. We have a board.
We have a Rudy board. We have a Rudy.
We have a Rudy Ball.

Speaker 1 We now have a Rudy board. That's nice.
So, is that when she's out of town?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Listen to all the ones we have.
Listen on the Rudy board. Go.

Speaker 1 I'm tired. Of course.
That's a good one. It's a classic.

Speaker 1 One direction, all combined. They have 4,000 tattoos.

Speaker 1 The Bobby. It's a fact I don't need

Speaker 1 to know. I like anime.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Idiot yet.

Speaker 1 Those are good. Can we sell those? Oh my God, those are NFTs.
Yeah, those are NFTs. As far as I know,

Speaker 1 the reason that these are toy stories is because you're a little,

Speaker 1 there has been a toy story of our life.

Speaker 1 Our relationship and our friendship is that of toys yeah we are sweet little youthful people yeah and speaking of pixar films pete go ahead and bring up that wikipedia real fast just because i want to show boob this real quickly can i eat this to bobby yeah was that the soundboard what is that

Speaker 1 click on that down at the bottom pete the last one there you go big screen it just for fun real fast show the fans yeah

Speaker 1 The characters, themes, narrative, Asner's vocal performance, and Giennachio's score were praised as well as as the vignette of Carl and his wife, Ellie, growing old together.

Speaker 1 The film won two Academy Awards, including Best Animated Fitcher, Best Nominated. And that's from the fucking page itself.
What? The Wikipedia page itself acknowledges it's a vignette, not a montage.

Speaker 1 Once again, from up. I did not.

Speaker 1 Because I have other sources. This is the source.
No, no, you changed it because it was before the... A montage was before.
Rudy? And you changed it. Rudy? Yeah, yeah.
Rudy soundboard, Rudy.

Speaker 1 Did I change it? I like knives.

Speaker 1 Did I change it? No.

Speaker 1 See? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? You're making me so angry. I'm going to vape.
You shove that up your ass. Fuck you.
Do it. No.
It's your birthday, you old bitch.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah, vape life. What's up, babe? What's up, dog?

Speaker 1 Vape King, dog. What's up, player? Dude, are you excited? It's your 50th birthday? No,

Speaker 1 death is around the corner. Yeah, you're halfway.
Well, no, for you, it's definitely more than halfway. You're like three-quarters done.

Speaker 1 Because I look at, like, you know, it was a sad week because Norm died. Ugh.
And then, what, did I brought it down? No, no, I just made it. See, Diego Marodano died a couple years ago, and he was 60.

Speaker 1 He was 60. So I feel like I have 10 years left.
Norm was 61, so you've got 11. 11 years left.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, Norm was a great guy, a legend.

Speaker 1 And it was so heartbreaking. It's so funny.
Think about this.

Speaker 1 If you die by funniness, you've got like three years left. What does that mean? Well, Norm last is 61.
He's fucking a legend. He's a genius.
He's so funny. You might last 52, 53, maybe.

Speaker 1 Oh, you think that the funnier you are, the longer you last? Yep.

Speaker 1 Oh, then why?

Speaker 1 You should have died in your 20s.

Speaker 1 I gave you the joke. I know.
I gave you the joke. Well, that's the truth, though.
I gave you the joke. Yeah, I've seen you lately on stage.
Who's funnier? Don't go there.

Speaker 1 Did I see you bombing the OR a couple nights ago? Yeah, you did. Yeah.
Pretty bad.

Speaker 1 Pretty bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you brought me on stage like a sweet boy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That crowd was rough. Well, then it was rough.
Will you give me that then? Yeah, but I did better than you first. I don't know if you did.
Oh, I sure did. Can I just

Speaker 1 tell you why? I sure did. I was like, I want to stay and watch Andrew.
I couldn't even stay. Because you had to go outside? No, I was watching him because you were so bummed it wouldn't get on stage.

Speaker 1 You know, it was like a Tretz thing. Here's what you did on stage.
I wanted to go there. I want to go lay this.
I want to go. Boring.
Here's what you did on stage.

Speaker 1 You were searching. You were hunting.

Speaker 1 You were hunting in the woods for Bigfoot. You were never going to find it.
It was a tough crowd. It was a tough crowd.
Yeah. With Colin Quinn.
There's no way I did better.

Speaker 1 Did you know who did better? No, there is a way. Yeah, I got more laughs.
It was terrible. It is, by the way, it's a special date today.
Why? Not only is it your birthday, it's also Yom Kippur.

Speaker 1 Do you know that? Do you know what Yom Kippur is? Jewish.

Speaker 1 Young. Do you have any Jewish friends? Roger.
Who's Roger?

Speaker 1 Who's Roger? Auntie Kalila's father.

Speaker 1 He's Jewish.

Speaker 1 Auntie Kalila's stepdad is Jewish. Is Jewish? Yeah.
Can we call him? No, because he's got out of heart surgery today. Wake him up.

Speaker 1 Do you know how he had surgery today, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is he okay? Yeah, he's fine. My dad had surgery yesterday.
My dad had, not heart surgery, but he had surgery. That's so sad.

Speaker 1 I'm so sorry. Now his tube and his pee-pee.
Dude, I was asking him about a catheter. The most painful thing he's ever experienced.
What do they do? They sculpt through the hole?

Speaker 1 Right through the tube. No,

Speaker 1 they make another hole. No, no.
No, they carve another hole in your penis. Just go through the hole that I would.
Of course, they do. Of course, I don't know.
I'm not a doctor.

Speaker 1 Not anymore, you're not. I know, but so let me ask you something about the catheter.
That was a genjung drug.

Speaker 1 They stick a tube right in your penis. In the hole of the penis.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. And then it goes to where? Does it go endless or does it is there ends? It comes back out of your mouth.

Speaker 1 It goes, they

Speaker 1 and then and then it comes right out. Oh, so when they pull it out, it's like a magic trick how they do with canker chips.

Speaker 1 Right, right. They pull a cankerchief right there.
And they go ta-da or

Speaker 1 no it goes into your fucking bladder and you know what he told me that was a bummer he said he has to then then when they're done you have to relearn how to hold your piss

Speaker 1 you have to relearn how to pee because it'll just come out um my dad says when he drinks now piss just comes out oh really yeah oh that's not funny well no he's fine it's you gotta laugh about it

Speaker 1 is that forever now no no of course not no it's only like a couple more i think it's like a maybe a month or something and then they pull it out a couple more weeks is it your stepdad though right yeah not real no he's real.

Speaker 1 He's a full guy. He's a real man.
I know, but not your bio. Yeah, but I have a bio dad and a stepdad.
How's he doing? They're both alive. Great.
Burn.

Speaker 1 Because my dad died?

Speaker 1 You're a dead dad. You heard.

Speaker 1 Dead dad. Daddy, why you die? But you know what? I'm proud of you.
50 years, and look at what you've done with your career. And I'm being genuine right now.
Look at what you've done.

Speaker 1 Look at where you've made it. Look at how fucking far you've come.
Seriously. You son of a man.
From like a loser Korean, fat loser,

Speaker 1 pussyless lame-mo in San Diego. Yeah.
To now becoming one of the kings of comedy in our generation. Can I show you a photo? Can I finish my fucking thing?

Speaker 1 No, because it's not insincere and doesn't feel right. Has this been sincere? Was I being sincere, Rudy? Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 Look at this photo, right? Interrupt my fucking speech. This is me 21 years old.
Wow. Show the kids.
Look at the kids. Wow.

Speaker 1 How many years ago was that? Go, fast math, go. That was 30 years ago.

Speaker 1 That was

Speaker 1 29 years ago. There it is.
Okay.

Speaker 1 There it is. But I lied.
I was 20 there. Oh, you did? Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So I didn't lie. I don't even know who this other guy is.
I think he died. Dead guy.
Bill. Bill?

Speaker 1 It was Billy. Do you remember anything about that, man? Yeah, so I knew what I knew about Billy is him and I,

Speaker 1 there's a... There's a coffee shop I used to work at called the Pannekin, La Jolla Pannekin Coffee Shop.

Speaker 1 Next door to it was this place called DG. Well, it's still there, I think.
DG Wells Bookstore.

Speaker 1 And that's where I met

Speaker 1 like Hunter S. Thompson used to hang out there.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Did you meet him, Hunter S. Thompson? No, but I met

Speaker 1 Alan Ginsberg. Seriously? Yeah.
The writer. No, the fucking baseball fucking player.
Oh, the baseball album. No, Alan Ginsburg is the writer.
He wrote me a letter once. What did it say?

Speaker 1 He says, you watch too much TV.

Speaker 1 Dear Bobby, you watch too much TV.

Speaker 1 I have a letter in the the house somewhere. But I used to hang out there.
I never read a book in my life. I know.
But you know what I used to do?

Speaker 1 I used to hang out there and I would like for hours and just pretend to read. You're waiting for someone cool to come in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was like one of those places where all these cool writers and people were playing chess and stuff. And like Dennis, the owner of the bookstore, like, was a friend of mine and stuff.

Speaker 1 How would you pick the book? I would just go like a seller. No, I would go to like some I would go to Kierkegaard.
Say it again? Kierkegaard? Sure. Right?

Speaker 1 Like, he has a book called Fear and Trembling.

Speaker 1 Never read it. I have.
It was a good? Never finished it. Yeah.
I've never finished it. And I used to, you know, I used to open it up and cross my legs and read.

Speaker 1 So I met Billy there, and then Billy and I went and saw

Speaker 1 way before it was three bands. It was Mud Honey.
Oh, I loved Mud Honey. It was Sonic Yuke.
So good. And Pavement.
I don't know, Pavement. Oh, one of my favorites.

Speaker 1 And they played, and there was only like 100 people there in Del Mar. It was one of the best shows ever.
Wait, where? At the fairgrounds or something? No, just in the city of Delmar.

Speaker 1 Pavement's one of the best albums.

Speaker 1 This is Pavement. What was their song? What was their hit song? Albums.
They have

Speaker 1 their first album called Slanted Enchanted is one of the best albums ever made.

Speaker 1 Slanted, Enchanted? Slanted and Enchanted. That was made for you.
Yep. Slanted Enchanted is one of the best.

Speaker 1 They have a song called Summer Bay. That's amazing.
It's a great song. How come I never heard of this band? Because this is more cool.
You're more Creed.

Speaker 1 You're more Creed.

Speaker 1 You're more like Midwestern, like, you know what? I grew up with hip-hop, first of all, clown palsy.

Speaker 1 Clown Palsy. What did I call it? What? Insane Clown Posse? Yeah, yeah, Clown Palsy.
Clown Powsey? I see it. Clown Palsy.
Are y'all into Clown Palsy? Is it Clown Posse? Insane. Clown Posse.

Speaker 1 Insane Clown Palsy. Palsy.
Okay, whatever.

Speaker 1 Posse. Whatever.
Say Powsey. That's your thing.
No, my thing is. I'm into cool stuff.
No, I'm into hip-hop. And you know nothing about hip-hop.
And you know what? I grew up in Poway in the suburbs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're aware of two white people. Okay, so don't try to put Creed on me because I don't like fucking, I don't know pavement.
All right. Okay? All right.

Speaker 1 You don't know shit in my hip-hop. I can't control, like, oh, I live in the suburbs.
No, you like

Speaker 1 black people. You like white shit.
You are black friends. You are working in this fucking, living in this neighborhood.
I didn't have control over that. Yeah, well, okay.
You have no black friends.

Speaker 1 You're racist. But I had no control over that.
I would love to blast you. Well, admit that you're white privileged.
Admit you're a white privileged kid. Say I'm a white privileged kid.
Say it.

Speaker 1 I'm a white privileged kid.

Speaker 1 Okay? I went to country clubs. I played tennis.
I'm a white privileged class. Thank you.
I like, you know what I mean, kind of arty, white. Artsy white fucking bullshit.
Bullshit. Thank you.

Speaker 1 But anyway,

Speaker 1 they have a great other, they have another album called

Speaker 1 Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain with the album after this. Crooked Rain.
Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain. Two times? I think it's Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain.
Is it Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain?

Speaker 1 Crooked Rain.

Speaker 1 Crooked Rain. Oh, it is? Crooked Rain twice.
Yeah, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain. Great album.
Do you like this because Zolister Jones says it's her favorite album? Is that why? Why is is she there?

Speaker 1 Because she said it's her favorite album. I have no

Speaker 1 dude. Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Listen. Sounds like somebody's.

Speaker 1 Listen to this. Fuck Tart.
Okay. My favorite album is Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain.
Cooker Rain. And listen to this.

Speaker 1 Give it to me, dude. Dude.
Give it to me, dude. Bye.
If you look at any,

Speaker 1 if you look at any. We'll be right back with two Theos.

Speaker 1 If you look at any, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Best albums in the 90s, right?

Speaker 1 Crooked Reign, Crooked Rain, and Slander and Channa would be on those fucking lists. What do you mean, best what? According to who? You? No, they would have.
That's all-time selling.

Speaker 1 Nobody fucking bought this album. No, no, in terms of critically.
Critically acclaimed? Dude, Crooked and Crooked.

Speaker 1 If you look at the top 500 best albums ever made,

Speaker 1 either Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain, or Slander and the Channel would be on that fucking list. According to whom?

Speaker 1 Sometimes. Not sales.
No, not awards. You're so dumb, dude.
So who likes it? Really? You and your buddies in Powwe? You and your Poway bubs?

Speaker 1 Bro, how can you?

Speaker 1 You can't say something's the best if there is no reason to prove that it's the best, bro. Listen to me.
Okay. Reebok is the best shoe company.
According to who? Dude. Me and my Powwe buds.

Speaker 1 Listen to me. Okay.
Uh-huh. People watch Full House.
Yeah, a lot. Millions.
I have never seen it. Yeah.
Right? Right. Right.
So more people probably saw Full House than saw the movie

Speaker 1 Yohimbo. Sure.
Right. Right.
Are you saying that

Speaker 1 Full House is better than Yohimbo because more people watched Full House? Yep.

Speaker 1 You're wrong. Yep.
Because a lot of people in this country, I want to say this to you, America, you're not bad friend franchise.

Speaker 1 Because you guys are bright and you guys are artistic and you guys are open. All right.
But I want to say this.

Speaker 1 You're really very combative for my birthday by the way. You have air condition.
You can stay in there.

Speaker 1 You read any good news on the newspaper page. Let me tell you something.
And that wasn't Full House. That was Family Matters.

Speaker 1 Black show, by the way, which I enjoyed more than the white slave-driven show of Full House. Right.
White enslaved children by Danny. Ooh, Danny and his uncles.

Speaker 1 It was a sex ring. That's what they were running out of that house.
It was disgusting. You're describing roots.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're missing.

Speaker 1 You're switching the shows. Roots is what you're talking about.
Can I tell you something? What? I do know who Pavement is. Did that make you mad? No.
Okay. Because you know why you know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you're a bright guy. I do know.
Yeah, yeah. I do know, but it was really fun.
But can I say this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We got you something special for your birthday. Oh, gee, what is it? Andres,

Speaker 1 go ahead.

Speaker 1 Will you come into the room and present this gift to me?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, do it in a monologue form.
I don't want you in the other room.

Speaker 1 He does this. This is his.
Yeah, yeah. He said he was

Speaker 1 bringing you in a gift, and I did. Yeah, he wrote me a poem or something.
This is fucking weird. Do you have a poem? Is this a poem? Oh.
Okay. Hello.
Hi. Hi.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Can you get forward a little bit so the cameras can catch a little bit? Go forward there so they can see you. See you a little bit.
And also,

Speaker 1 get on your knees. Yeah, yeah.
Get on. No, no, Pete.
What are you doing, Pete? Let him be on his knees. Okay.
Okay, hold on. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay.
Uh-huh. Hello.
Hello. Give him the mic.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday, Bobby. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Actually, today's a really happy day.

Speaker 1 Stop.

Speaker 1 For a second. Let me just absorb it.
Take your time.

Speaker 1 So happy birthday.

Speaker 1 Hello. You said? Yeah.
Today's a very...

Speaker 1 Very happy. Happy day.
Yeah. Because...
Because you were born.

Speaker 1 I was born. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you just brighten my day every day.

Speaker 1 You brighten his day.

Speaker 1 I don't buy it, but okay. Yeah.
Also,

Speaker 1 it's Mexican independent day.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And,

Speaker 1 you know, I remember those days when Spain was ruling Mexico. It was, it was beautiful.
Good times. Yeah.
It was like, we lived in harmony. What?

Speaker 1 Wrap it up. Right, right, yeah.
Yeah. No, this is his birthday gift.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I need the the whole thing. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Anyway, thank you, Bobby. You're amazing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Love you.
But can I, before you go, Andreas,

Speaker 1 do I get a physical gift from you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What is the physical gift I'm getting from you? It's an iPad that Rudy's buying for you. Oh, coming tomorrow.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 So I get a brand new iPad tomorrow. From the future.
From the future. From tomorrow, the future.

Speaker 1 Right. Exactly.

Speaker 1 And you didn't contribute to paying for it or anything. Yeah, it's from both of us.
Oh, he's fine. Oh, so

Speaker 1 you spent some money on it. Of course.
You did. Yeah.
Okay. I put the software.

Speaker 1 You put the software inside it. Oh, you went to the factory and you was like, wait a second, I know it's a factory, right? But let me, for this specific one, give me the parts.
Yep. Right.

Speaker 1 They stop the mechanism. You know what I mean? Whatever the belt thing that they do.
And you put the fucking mechanisms in that.

Speaker 1 And all the other fucking, probably Hispanic people. Sure.
Yeah. Hey, bro, what are you doing? We got to do 10 million today.
You know what I mean? So many more to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you did that and you took it off, probably the belt. Yes.
Right. And you packaged it yourself.
Yeah, well, I put it in my bag. Well, you stole it.

Speaker 1 You stole it. You stole it.
You stole it. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're admitting the thievery.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thievery.
Yeah. And then for some reason, Jules has it.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I want to say this to you, Andreas. I want to believe you.
You don't believe? You don't believe you? No, well, listen, let me finish. All right.
First of all, thank you.

Speaker 1 And I'm grateful to have a friend like you. Yeah.
Right? Because getting a gift like an iPad is just,

Speaker 1 it says a lot.

Speaker 1 It's something that I use every day. Every day.
And the thing is, is that if I don't get one tomorrow,

Speaker 1 right? There is going to be a betrayal inside my heart. Big time.
And there will be something what they call a la revenge.

Speaker 1 A la revenge. Allah Haqbar.

Speaker 1 That's what it is? Allah Hawbar. Allah Haqbar.

Speaker 1 Rude is in charge charge of that second part. I understand that, but since it is a 50-50 presence, you said it was your present too.
If I don't get one, you will get half the wrath. What will he get?

Speaker 1 He'll get a la hawkbar. A la haqbar, which in turn translates to fired.
Fired?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 she'll get fired as well. Okay.
Yeah. If I don't get a fucking

Speaker 1 the best I bet tomorrow. One terabyte.
Right. Right.
With... I'm going to open it up to see if he put the fucking stuff in there too.
Well, because did you sign it or something in there? I did.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So the mechanisms have little signatures on it, right? So you'll know who did it. Which is great.
I'll know who did it.

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah. It might glitch a little bit.
I don't care, right? But tomorrow, when I wake up tomorrow, right, I can't wait to open up. I can't wait to see it.
I can't wait to see it.

Speaker 1 And I also love firing people and acting like a little baby. Oh, yeah.
And rageful. So that's why I'm not going to be there in the morning.
You won't be.

Speaker 1 I'll never see you again, actually. Well, that'll be the end of you.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 I'm going to get other people to do it. Yeah, right.
So, I'll never see you again. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, um, I can't wait. Thank you so much, Andreas.
Thanks, Andreas.

Speaker 1 And thank you. And tell your people, congratulations on Happy Independence Day.
Well, no, it's Meg. It's Mexican.

Speaker 1 It's the other people. They got away.
You don't have a phone number?

Speaker 1 The other people got away from his people. I know, but you can't call them? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So thank you.
Thanks, Andreas. One more time for Andreas.
What a joyous,

Speaker 1 what a pleasant day. I guess he's fired.
You fired. I'll never see him again.
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Hello Tushie.

Speaker 1 We got a Hello Tushi here at the studio. I love the Hello Tushi.
I got one at my house. I'll save a poo.
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Tag us at hello tushi on Instagram. What'd you get me for my 50th?

Speaker 1 Your birthday's not till tomorrow. But you have, I mean, because I might not see you tomorrow.
Your birthday is not till tomorrow. I'm delivering something to your home tomorrow.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 So you'll get a fucking gift, you little snot rag brat.

Speaker 1 Wow. But you never got me shit for my fucking birthday.
When is it? Exactly.

Speaker 1 But when is your birthday? We already passed it. I know.
When is it, guys? Do you know? They do know. Shut up.
What's the date?

Speaker 1 You know, we did a celebration without you. Okay, I will look it up.
It was three days ago. I will look it up.
It was three days ago.

Speaker 1 It's not September. Yes, it is.
It's not. What month is it then? Andrew Santino.
What month is it in? Birthday.

Speaker 1 Birthday. Here we go.
Your birthday is October 16th. That's right.
And it's coming up. It is coming up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I am going to get you something so good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Look, underneath that is my little photo.
This is my birthday. Because we're Bubbies.
Yeah. Who's Benny Blanco?

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 a world-famous megastar producer who was on Dave with us. Oh, really? So he's connected to you.
He's,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 He's one of those guys that writes some of the most famous songs you've ever heard on the radio, and you might not know it's him that did it. I'm a big fan.
That's great. Good stuff.
He is good.

Speaker 1 Hey, can we call someone for your birthday? Who? There's a guy who I found on the internet. Pete, will you show the picture? This is exactly what my penis looks like.
Look at this. Like to the T.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Pet. Exactly.
I know, I've held it before. Exactly.

Speaker 1 So I found this on the internet, and it made me laugh really hard. This guy was doing a live AMA, and it says,

Speaker 1 ask me anything. Okay.
And it says, I have genital herpes, ask me anything.

Speaker 1 So he was doing a live, and he was just fielding questions about his herpes.

Speaker 1 So I said, this guy, the bravery of this guy is badass. Most people hide their herpes.
This guy's like, I got him. You have it? No.
I don't even know what it looks like. Herpes? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I bet you can guess. But how would I know? Well, let's ask the expert.
We've got him available to talk to. Okay.
This guy, his name is Pickering Fitness. Hello?

Speaker 1 How's it going? Hey,

Speaker 1 Herpo.

Speaker 1 Herpo. Herpo.
What's your name, dude?

Speaker 3 My name is Christopher.

Speaker 1 Christopher,

Speaker 1 Chris, I found you. I was scrolling through TikTok on the shitter, and I saw you doing an AMA, and it said, I got herpes, ask me anything.
And I thought, this guy's brave as shit.

Speaker 1 He's just putting it out there. Most people are scared to even talk about it, but not you.
You were answering, and you did an AMA for how long?

Speaker 3 Oh, I do them daily.

Speaker 1 Kind of educate the people. So you do

Speaker 1 herpes AMAs every single day?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I do these live videos to educate people and grow my page.

Speaker 1 I love this. So look,

Speaker 1 Bobby has never Bobby knows nothing about herpes and he's very interested well I have there's things wrong with my shaft

Speaker 3 what's so funny I heard about the I heard about the drooping as well so he knows oh yeah

Speaker 1 he knows that you got I got droops well he knows you know about the droops

Speaker 3 yeah yeah the old the skin

Speaker 1 down you know yeah yeah the skin that covers the head and yeah makes cheese Chris how'd you get herpa derp

Speaker 3 how did I get it just lived my best life you know fucking hell be deep in it.

Speaker 1 Do you remember who gave it to you? Is it like it's like coke? Yeah, it was a nice did you know, let me ask you that. Did you ask her before you hooked up?

Speaker 1 That do you have the herbs, or is that something you ask? You assume it's a woman, it could be a male. You don't know.
Oh, yeah, did you the dude? Is it a guy?

Speaker 3 I believe it was a woman, but you can never be sure these days.

Speaker 1 I love his attitude. See, yeah, yeah, you don't know.
Let me ask you something. Now, my penis has rashes on it, it's got a purple heart because it's been in some wars,

Speaker 1 and uh,

Speaker 1 yeah, my penis has a personal cute personality.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like a rotting

Speaker 1 sea anemone.

Speaker 1 That's the best way to describe it. And

Speaker 1 my penis has little bumps on it. How do I know if I have herpes or not?

Speaker 3 I would suggest that if you have some bumps, go to the doctor and get them to do a test of it because it's easier to diagnose if you have symptoms as opposed to no symptoms.

Speaker 1 But what, I mean, it's like, let's say,

Speaker 1 who gives a fuck? Well, if I have it, I have it. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, like why would I need to go to the doctor got it you got it you know it gives my penis some like you know personality personality it's like it looks like Edgar James Olmos's face

Speaker 1 you know what I mean yeah yeah it's got some like you know potholes and like

Speaker 1 it's a character it's a character actor your penis is a character yeah yeah like you can see him in the

Speaker 3 so unless anyone um

Speaker 3 makes fun of you to the point where you decide to leave this plant

Speaker 1 there will be no harm

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 it's not that big of a deal it's not that big of a deal then huh so if you're with a new girl do you tell her up front that i or guy my bad if you're with a guy slash girl or a binary person non-binary non-binary would do you tell that or they would you tell them you that you have herpes very good

Speaker 3 so i will tell everyone that i think i'm going to get naked with but i will not just tell people on the first date is there a girl that ever

Speaker 1 is there a human being that's ever said, ah, you know what? I don't want that, so I'm not going to hook up with you. Has that ever happened?

Speaker 3 Not directly, but yes, I've been rejected for having it, but I've also been rejected for being 5'5 ⁇ , or, you know, this weird personality. So rejection is going to happen

Speaker 1 with or without herpes. Are you 5'5 ⁇ ? Yes.

Speaker 3 Yes. I was given all of the terrible gifts just to either be an inspiration or a joke in society.

Speaker 1 I think I have to see which one. I think you're an inspiration, Michael.
No, you're a good good guy. I can tell, man.
You seem like a good dude. I appreciate that.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 3 I'm a big fan of Bobby.

Speaker 1 Thank you, man. That's his birthday.

Speaker 3 I loved you. And Memoirs of a Geisha.
It was great.

Speaker 1 Can Bobby make fun of you now?

Speaker 1 No, I don't need to. Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I don't have to.

Speaker 1 I don't have to stoop that level.

Speaker 1 Do you have a big penis?

Speaker 3 Absolutely not. No.
it's probably smaller than Bobby's, honestly.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Damn.
That's a good. That's a win for me.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 have you ever gone to hook up with somebody? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you were like, I have herpes. And they were like, I want to see.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you show them. I mean, memoirs of a geisha.
Yeah. Can we just let that sink in for a second?

Speaker 1 I did.

Speaker 1 No, because I let it, you know what? I'll be honest with you, bud. When I heard it, I wanted to laugh at first.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But then a little little rage happened, you know, it hits a rageful part of me, yeah, and then I'm like, let it go, and then we kept talking, right?

Speaker 1 I can't. Oh, so you don't,

Speaker 1 I'm not mad, I just don't know why I can't. Well, then tell them how you feel, yeah, yeah, tell them how that makes you feel.

Speaker 1 Um, no, I just wanted to number, let me ask you, did you think that I was in the movie Memoirs of the Geisha, or do you was that a joke?

Speaker 1 That was a joke, that was a joke, and it felt good then. I have a funny joke.
I've got a lot of material for this particular phone call

Speaker 1 let's hear some of them yeah let's hear some that's really good so let's let's hear let's go through the jokes then because that felt now that feels good

Speaker 1 yeah i have some material so can i name the segment real fast yeah absolutely jokes from a jerk with bumps

Speaker 1 nice

Speaker 1 and then and now do some of these jokes need a setup for me like if i say something then you could respond with something

Speaker 3 sort of yeah some of them can be.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so

Speaker 1 give me a setup and I'll set you up for one. So, what's give me a setup?

Speaker 3 Okay, so typically, I will only wear like tank tops or wife beaters, like in all of my herpes videos.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So, maybe you're going to be like, hey, man, is that the only thing you wear? Oh, how about that?

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want to hear your response. I want to hear your response.
I'll just set it up. Hey, dude, so I watched some of your TikTok videos and stuff.

Speaker 1 You wear wife beaters and tank tops and stuff. Is that

Speaker 1 the only things you wear?

Speaker 1 Absolutely.

Speaker 3 I'm completely naked from the waist down, which is probably why I ended up with turpes because of all the excess skin that's visible.

Speaker 1 Ooh, that joke didn't hit. Did not hit.
Oh, that joke didn't hit. How can we make that better? There's no way to do it.
Let's let it go. Let's go to the next show.
Okay. Let's go to the next show.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know what you should have done? Give us another setup.
You know what you should have done with that? Is right when you were saying the punchline, right?

Speaker 1 And you could tell that it wasn't going well, then you should have hit me back with memoirs of vacation. Yeah, that would have crossed.
So let's do that again. Let's do that again.

Speaker 1 Let's do that again. Let's do that again, okay?

Speaker 1 So you, yeah, just do a little talk. Let's try it.
So, um, you know, I watch your TikTok videos and I see you wear tank tops and white-peaters and stuff. Is that all you wear?

Speaker 3 No, but um, I do sometimes wear that when I'm watching memoirs of a geisha.

Speaker 1 Here we go. That's exactly.
That's

Speaker 1 much better. Much better.

Speaker 1 Give me another joke. Give me another setup for another joke that you wrote.
Okay,

Speaker 3 here we go. So, I heard it is your birthday tomorrow, Bobby.

Speaker 1 Yes, right?

Speaker 3 Okay, that means you're turning 50 this year you are the same age as a Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory but by the looks of you it looks like you ate the whole chocolate factory

Speaker 1 oh hey oh ooh hey yeah

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah yeah no

Speaker 1 for me it's up

Speaker 1 for me it's up it's for me it's like

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 that was up

Speaker 1 how can we make that one better no i think that's a good one you like that one yeah because it's he

Speaker 1 The joke was as if I looked like Rafi May. Let me tell his joke.
Let me tell it.

Speaker 1 Here's how it should have gone, Chris. Chris, Christopher, Chris, right?

Speaker 1 Chris.

Speaker 3 Either one is fun.

Speaker 1 I have herpes. It should have gone.
That's, see, that's a good joke. That's what I love about it.
That's a good joke.

Speaker 1 Good job. The girl goes, is it Chris or Christopher? Go, who cares? I have herpes.
Let's go get a drink.

Speaker 1 That's a good joke.

Speaker 1 So it should have gone, it should have gone, Bobby, you're turning 50 tomorrow, which is the same age as Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But from the the looks of it, I think I've seen you in Memoirs of a Geisha.

Speaker 1 You see how this

Speaker 1 would have crushed. Well, I liked your AMA.
I think it was really good. I thought it was really fun that you were just answering questions.
And also, dude, let me say something. I really like it.

Speaker 1 I think you were calling.

Speaker 1 That was my birthday gift to you. That's the gift.
I appreciate it. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Chris. We'll talk to you soon.
Thank you, brother.

Speaker 1 Sounds good. Love you.
Bye, guys.

Speaker 1 I said bye, guys, because I was saying goodbye to him and his herpes. I want to say bye to both.

Speaker 1 That was really funny. Hey,

Speaker 1 that was my gift.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, nah.

Speaker 1 No, thanks. We're trying, Bob.
Yeah, it's not. I don't think you are because I don't think anyone really is.
Because the only thing that I asked for, really, to be honest with you. We got you gifts.

Speaker 1 It's not your fucking birthday till tomorrow. Relax.
Don't yell. No, you're such a spoiled brat.
We're getting you gifts. Everybody got you a gift.
I'm just expressing something. That's all.

Speaker 1 Well, say it. All right.
All I'm saying is that I only wanted one thing, and I feel like I'm not going to get the one thing that I asked. You're going to get the fucking iPad, okay? It's not the iPad.

Speaker 1 What is it, though? PlayStation 5.

Speaker 1 You're not going to get the PS5. I know.
We couldn't.

Speaker 1 And it hurts me. Well, that's not...

Speaker 1 For a year, I've been looking for one. That's the market.
I know. But that's what I wanted.
That's the market, little boy. You can get one.
They're like five grand,

Speaker 1 Bob.

Speaker 1 But that's the thing. It's like, you know, it's my 50th birthday, right? Why can't somebody splurge five grand? That's a lot of money, Bobby.
You can afford a fucking PlayStation 5. So can you.

Speaker 1 I know, but it's not my birthday. I'm not going to give myself a birthday present.
Why? It is your birthday. No, I want someone to give it to me.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 1 I respect it. All right.
Hey, so we've been following heavily the protests at the CDC because Nikki Minaj said, don't get vaxed. Do you know this? No.
People are protesting at the CDC

Speaker 1 because Nikki Minaj was like, make your own decisions. She's basically saying, Don't get vaxed.
Yeah, but so she said that, and then people are just going to the CDC and protesting the CDC. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's pretty funny. It's actually very funny to me.

Speaker 1 Would you have gotten vaxxed if you were single? Yeah. And you didn't have the family, the kids, and

Speaker 1 I would have gotten vaxxed. You would have done it anyway? Yeah, but you know what? I'll be honest with you.
Say it. You're anti-vax a little bit? No, I'm not anti-vax, but I am getting to the point,

Speaker 1 and I I don't know if it's my age,

Speaker 1 but I'm leaning toward just make your own decisions. Well, I feel that way.
Yeah. I feel let people, whatever you want to do.
No, but I've always leaned

Speaker 1 slow to the left, but I honestly, as I get older, you're becoming more conservative. I'm becoming a little bit more conservative.
It's weird. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What else do you think you're more conservative on? Pretty much everything. Like you're against gay marriage? No, not the social issues.
Are you against gay right?

Speaker 1 Here's what I believe in. This is what I believe in.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Freedom.

Speaker 1 Ooh, I like this. This sounds like a little Fox News thing.

Speaker 1 Listen, I believe in freedom. Me too.
So a woman's right to choose

Speaker 1 is freedom. Oh, hell no.

Speaker 1 You're going to let them choose? Yeah, yeah. No, they can't drive.
They can't think.

Speaker 1 Put that baby in the kitchen.

Speaker 1 The right to own firearms

Speaker 1 is freedom. Okay, so conserve.
That's conservative. That is very conservative.
All right, so kill your baby, keep your guns. No, no, no, no.
That's what I'm saying. Kill your baby, keep your guns.

Speaker 1 I think there should be regulations on guns on guns. There are.

Speaker 1 A little bit more, but I still believe in the right to own some.

Speaker 1 Okay. I don't believe that somebody needs an AK-47.
You know what I mean? But why not? For hunting. You ever shot one? They feel so good.
They're so fun. They feel so good, don't they?

Speaker 1 They're so fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the problem. Yeah, but I think that.

Speaker 1 Have one, have more, have fun.

Speaker 1 I think

Speaker 1 the far conservative. The far, just let me just get this point out.
is

Speaker 1 I used to be very far left.

Speaker 1 And because of cancel culture,

Speaker 1 it's pushing me toward the center. Okay.
Toward the center. Do you think you would vote if Trump runs again? Will you vote again? No, I'll always vote.
I hate him.

Speaker 1 Are you sure? I want to go January 6th. I wish I went.
What if he has the same policies? What if he starts saying stuff that you like? Like what? What if he's like,

Speaker 1 fight women, keep your babies, scale them, do whatever you want. God's a good idea.
But he would never do that because his platform is Christian right. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 What if he flips the script?

Speaker 1 I think he wouldn't get anybody there. What's another conservative issue that you think you're more conservative about now than

Speaker 1 that you were a Democrat about before, or I mean, conservative, I mean, liberal about before?

Speaker 1 Well, you know, immigration, I've always had, because I'm an ethnic person and, you know, my parents came here.

Speaker 1 And you want to stop that immediately. No, I don't.
Well, you got in. It's like, let fucking the up top.
I think the asylum is fair.

Speaker 1 I think we should keep that in the books, but it's like illegal crossings is, you know. Illegal crossings is bad.
It's not that it's bad, but it's like we should be able to.

Speaker 1 What, shut them out? Kick them back?

Speaker 1 That's all I'm saying either. What are you saying?

Speaker 1 I personally believe everything's fine at the border. Is it?

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're doing. I don't know what you're doing.

Speaker 1 I really don't know what you're doing. No, I don't either.
I'm asking you. Yeah, yeah.
What's up? I don't like talking about this shit right here because it's got so much fun. I know.

Speaker 1 That's why it's fun. I I don't like talking about this shit because I just feel like people are going to be like, you're idiot.
You fucking don't know.

Speaker 1 Who cares? They're all idiots too. Everyone's idiotic.
I can feel myself kind of drifting toward a center.

Speaker 1 Rudy, how do you feel about illegal immigrants?

Speaker 1 I feel like they

Speaker 1 need to have

Speaker 1 citizenship because they work here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They try to

Speaker 1 serve Americans. So I think

Speaker 1 they need to have citizenship. Okay.

Speaker 1 That was a political answer. That's a pretty good one.
Because she says she didn't really take a stance on it. Yeah.
Are you again?

Speaker 1 How do you feel about gay rights?

Speaker 1 I love gays. Perfect.
Yeah. That says everything.
I love gays as well. I don't know.
I do.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

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Speaker 1 Meondies. Aw, buddy.
Hey, are you afraid of Glow in the Dark? Well, shield your eyes because the new Miundies, Halloween, just dropped.

Speaker 1 I like scaring Kalila in the dark with my comfortable underwear. If there's one collection you don't want to ghost, it's this one, my friends.

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Speaker 1 Did you vote for the recall of Gavin Newsom? I did yesterday. A little too late, but we did it.
And who did you say? Did you keep it? I just put no on the one thing.

Speaker 1 Wait, so you said no to the recall? Yeah. You didn't want to recall him? No, I like him.
I recalled him. Why? Caitlin Jenner.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, Caitlin Jenner? Caitlin Jenner was on that list of people that were running against him. I want to recall the put in Caitlin.
No, but was Larry Elder? You know what? What?

Speaker 1 No, Larry Elder was one of the names on the list. There was a massive list of names you could have picked from.

Speaker 1 Caitlin Jenner was one of the names, and I voted for Caitlin. I didn't know that.
If I knew that. She was on there.
If I knew that.

Speaker 1 No, see, I think you were against trans rights, and you're against trans rights. I want it.
My girlfriend pushed me. Your girlfriend's trans? What are you trying to say? No, no.

Speaker 1 She gave me the transit rights. You're against the transformation.
She gave me the fucking

Speaker 1 ballot. And she told you what to do.
I was playing fucking a game on my phone. Oh, my God.
Just listen to what happened. You bigot.
I was playing a game on my phone.

Speaker 1 You voted to keep a white, straight male in office instead of putting in someone like Caitlin Jennifer. I didn't know.
You make me sick, dude. Fuck you.
I didn't know.

Speaker 1 A white, straight male, another Powwe High, San Diego's finest.

Speaker 1 That's what you did. I was playing a game on my phone.
And you didn't even pay attention. I threw a fucking ballot down on my phone.
And what did she, she said, vote no? I put no down.

Speaker 1 Did she say vote? There was no other things that I could fucking put. I am upset.
And I put it in the fucking mailbox. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 So we'll just get another white, straight male running this country into the fucking ground. Fuck you.
Who gives a shit? I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah, fuck you. So you heard it here first.
Fuck you. Bobby Lee is pro-guns and anti-trans.
I'm tired of this. He's pro-guns.
He's anti-trans. That's what he said.

Speaker 1 Can I say against trans people? Can I say this? That's what you are. You didn't sleep good last night.
What do you mean? I could tell in your eyes. Why?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're grumpy and you didn't sleep well last night. And be honest.
Wait, don't deflect because you didn't get it.

Speaker 1 No, don't do this. I don't know anything about it.
Wait, let me say something. No, just because you just because you're sleeping.
Just because you're against Caitlin Jenner. You're grumpy?

Speaker 1 And I don't know what you're doing. So sleep well next time and then we'll meet, okay? You do know what I'm doing.
No, I don't. Yes, I'm proving.
What happened last night? That you are.

Speaker 1 What happened last night? You are pro-Did you sleep well last night. You are pro-white power.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're white power now?

Speaker 1 You're a white power guy. Wait, you need to be on ambient to sleep? Are you a white power guy? You need to get rest.
I think you're overworked.

Speaker 1 I think you need rest. You're overworked.
And you have a lot of stress in your life. Why are you against the trans community? I don't love them.
Why didn't you vote for transformation?

Speaker 1 Then why didn't you vote for Kaitlin? Why didn't you vote for Kaitlin? I didn't know what the fucking to be. Because she wanted another white, straight aisle.
He's cute.

Speaker 1 He's cute. This is Fox News.
Kevin Newsom's cutest. This is Fox News.
Is he not cute? He's okay. Yeah.
I think Caitlin is way prettier. I know, but in terms of governors, it's like...

Speaker 1 Who would you, all right, listen to this? Uh-huh. Who would I rather have? Someone that snuck away during the middle of COVID to go to French laundry to eat dinner or Caitlin Jenner? A hero.

Speaker 1 Good food. In the middle of COVID, when he told everyone not to leave their house, he went and ate fucking fucking dinner.
Well, Caitlin, while Caitlin was changing the fucking time,

Speaker 1 changing society. Bro, this is say I'm sorry on your camera to Caitlin Jennifer now for you.
I'm sorry, Caitlin. But I did see her documentary.
I love it. Okay, say it to her.
I love your documentary.

Speaker 1 I love it. The way you throw that pole.

Speaker 1 The way she threw the pole when she was Bruce.

Speaker 1 Not the pole.

Speaker 1 No. Not the duty.
No, no, no. I know what it sounded like.
Woo! Woo!

Speaker 1 The way you threw the pole. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy. At the Montreal Olympics when you were Bruce.
Wow. That's crazy to say.
So insensitive. Why? Because the way he ran around

Speaker 1 is dead.

Speaker 1 Caitlin's now. I know, but still, Bruce is inside.
A little inside him? A little inside of him? Her? I don't think so, pal. Pal! I don't think so, buddy.
Pal, pal. Let me ask you this.

Speaker 1 Is your home life.

Speaker 1 Is your home life stressful and you can't get risk? Are you trying to dig out of this hole right now? No, I'm not. I'm not in your life.
You're so deep in this. I feel so good about about it.
Bobby.

Speaker 1 Bobby. Bobby.
And I'm going to be like, I'm up here. I'm above you.
Oh, yeah. That even is the hole.
Okay. Right, you're in the hole, buddy.
Right?

Speaker 1 You're in the hole, dude. It's like, dude, honestly, like,

Speaker 1 for me to work with you, you need to get more rest. I love it.
I love it. Honestly.
I love that you're the way you are. Look at me.
Yeah. I love it.
What do you love? I love you.

Speaker 1 What do you fucking love, you ask me? I love holding that against you that you voted for Gavin Newsimmons and not Caitlin Jenner. Anyway, or Larry Elder, who's a black male.

Speaker 1 So instead of a black guy or a trans woman,

Speaker 1 you wanted a white, straight, heterotoxic male.

Speaker 1 That's all I want to say. I'll limit to you then this.
That's all I want to say. All right.
Number one.

Speaker 1 You got my money and my vote, Caitlin.

Speaker 1 Listen, okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know a lot about governors, but I know Greg Abbott. I know Ron DeSantis.

Speaker 1 No, just listen, right?

Speaker 1 I know Brian Kemp, right? He's a governor as well, right? So you have Texas, Georgia, Florida,

Speaker 1 and Gavin Newsom. Line those four fuckers up, right? Kill them.
Gavin's the cutest one. Okay.
Fine. Will you admit that? Yes.
Out of the four. You know what? You're right.

Speaker 1 He's the cutest one, and that's what I was holding on to. Okay.
Okay. Okay.
So I know it seems shallow. It's not.
Yeah, yeah. It's right in line with your normal.
My way of thinking. Yes.
Right.

Speaker 1 I would never have fucked out of the three.

Speaker 1 Kemp. What about Caitlin? Yeah, but I didn't know Caitlin was in it out for for a while.
Well, now you do. Would you have sex with you? Who would you have sex over? Caitlin or Gavin Newsom?

Speaker 1 Probably Caitlin because I'm not gay.

Speaker 1 That sounded weird. Wait, wait.

Speaker 1 That sounded weird. No, no.
That sounded weird. Okay.

Speaker 1 What I meant to say is... I'm disappointed in your barber.

Speaker 1 I know, I love, I know. That Caitlin

Speaker 1 is more feminine, and that's what I would probably be drawn to. Yeah.
And Gavin Gavin is not as feminine. Okay, I wouldn't fuck any of them.
All right. I don't even know what we're talking about.

Speaker 1 I don't even know why we're here at this point where you're accusing me

Speaker 1 of something. This segment has made me so happy.
I know. It hurts me, though.
And my throat's fucking. And I feel, I don't.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday. Here we go.
To you.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday to Pete. To you.

Speaker 1 Ready?

Speaker 1 Happy birthday. No, not yet, you fucking asshole.
We have to finish singing before you blow out the candle.

Speaker 1 Did you make a wish? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday to you. I think I'm going to move to New York.

Speaker 1 Bob. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Today just taught me. What? It pushed me to New York, I think.
What do you mean? Your attitude. What did I do? You were just so digging me, and I just got to think.

Speaker 1 Anyway, thank you for the cake. What is it? It's cupcakes.
It's delicious. Eat it.
All right. Eat one, you fat fucking fat.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't like icing. I know, neither do I.
Yeah. That's, we have something in common.

Speaker 1 Eat it. You know, can I just say something? Eat it.
I will eat it in a second, right?

Speaker 1 Because this tells me.

Speaker 1 It was homemade. No.
Those are homemade.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 It's not homemade. Wait, those are homemade cupcakes.

Speaker 1 This tells me you got this at either Vaughn's or some Ralph's or something. Excuse me.
Excuse me. Those are homemade cupcakes.
Why Why is it frozen solid?

Speaker 1 Because I put them in my fridge so they wouldn't go bad. Freezer.
I put them in my fridge so they wouldn't go bad. All right.
My fridge is cold. So this is

Speaker 1 all right. Those are made.
Those are homemade.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Did you like it? Yeah, good.
Rudy, do you want one? Yeah. Throw her one.
All right. Well, throw her the whole thing.
I don't need it. You want me to throw it at her?

Speaker 1 No, don't throw it at her, please. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fuck. All right.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Oh, it is frozen.
Yeah, yes. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Don't throw it. Here you go.

Speaker 1 Just throw it. Gentle.
Very nice catch. Nice catch.
Happy birthday, Bob. Thank you.

Speaker 1 But I have been like, all week long I've been on the Peloton.

Speaker 1 You've been trying to get back in shape? I'm trying to because I just

Speaker 1 want to last a little longer.

Speaker 1 You know, I want to last a little longer. Big Red.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? That was the old theme song. Remember that?

Speaker 1 Last a little longer. Go fast a little longer.

Speaker 1 Longer with Big Red. Big Red.

Speaker 1 You know what my favorite. Do the theme song to Big Red.
My favorite theme song was... Do you remember the old Sugar Cane commercial from Hawaiian?

Speaker 1 Wait. For what? For Hawaiian rolls? No, for Sugar Cane, for Hawaiian Sugar Cane.
No.

Speaker 1 Wait. Don't forget it.

Speaker 1 Well, let me hear it.

Speaker 1 No, because once I started talking and I didn't know what I was talking about,

Speaker 1 I lost the tune. CNH,

Speaker 1 CNH, pure cane sugar, that's the one.

Speaker 1 When was that? You don't remember that? C-NH. CNH, pure cane sugar, that's the one.

Speaker 1 What? Yeah, you don't remember that? C-N-H. Pure cane sugar.
That's the one. Is that it? That's from 1976.
I wasn't alive yet. Yeah, I was born.
See in it

Speaker 1 sugar. That's the one.
Yeah, that's it. Look at how cute that is from 1976.

Speaker 1 Rice Aroni, the San Francisco tree. San Francisco.
The San Francisco treat. Ding, ding.
I was going to say that. No, but you were off rhythmically.
No, no, no. Let me do it.
Okay, try it.

Speaker 1 Rice Aroni, the San Francisco treat. No.

Speaker 1 The San Francisco treat.

Speaker 1 Wait, hold on, hold on. Let me do my version.
You do your version, and then you will go to the YouTube. Okay.
Right? And you be the judge, okay?

Speaker 1 Rice Aroni, the San Francisco treat. Rice Aroni, the San Francisco treat.
Ding, ding. Okay.

Speaker 1 Rice

Speaker 1 Aroni, the San Francisco treat.

Speaker 1 There it is. Stop.
I just did it right. That's it.
Rice. Right? It was a mine closer.
Right? Rice Aroni, the San Francisco treat. Yours is like the San Francisco.
It's fucking a minute long.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Did I not get it right? That I wasn't born

Speaker 1 in 1962. Right.

Speaker 1 Because the newer one, I think, is slower. Bye, Menon.

Speaker 1 Yeah, by Menon.

Speaker 1 That was pretty clear. What about

Speaker 1 you got to see this show? They go back and forth for about 25 minutes about. about commercial jingles

Speaker 1 this fucking show I know It's great. It's great.
People want to hear it. I know.
People do. Yeah, people want to hear it.

Speaker 1 Wait, what's the other one that I was just thinking of? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't live inside your fucking stupid thing. 588,

Speaker 1 2300.

Speaker 1 Come on. 588.

Speaker 1 2,300.

Speaker 1 Empire.

Speaker 1 Empire. That's right.
Today. You know this? Yeah, I know that one.
Yeah, yeah. So 588, 2300.
Empire. That's a good one.
Today.

Speaker 1 There's a today after that? I think he says today. Yeah.
The little guy. He goes, today.
Today.

Speaker 1 And there, is there any... Does Coca-Cola have one? Yeah.
What?

Speaker 1 Coca-Cola is

Speaker 1 always great. Wait, it's always great.
Always refreshing. We don't like blacks.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. That's it.
That was it. Always great.

Speaker 1 Always refreshing. We don't like blacks.
Or Hispanics.

Speaker 1 We're at the end of the 1980s. The Canadian version they added.
They added Hispanics. We don't like blacks.
Or Hispanics.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 the Asians. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yep. I remember that.
That's called cola.

Speaker 1 What was Pepsi's?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Pepsi's was like,

Speaker 1 oh, goodbye.

Speaker 1 He had a mission.

Speaker 1 He had a mission to go to.

Speaker 1 Do Pepsi's, Pepsi, Pepsi. Cola, Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Pepsi, Pepsi, cola, Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Because everything, everything that I have in my head is cancelable. Yeah.
So I'm like, I can't, I'm editing. You know what I mean? Well, it's not you that said it, Pepsi said it.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Pepsi did say it. Pepsi said it, not you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Pepsi, Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Wait, cola, Pepsi, Bob. What do you know?

Speaker 1 You know the jingle as well, right?

Speaker 1 You finished it all. You're a better singer.
No, but I think you should finish it. You should finish it because you love Pepsi so much.
You love Pepsi so much. You do.

Speaker 1 You're so obsessed with Pepsi. You like Pepsi.
I think you should finish the jiggle, right? Pepsi, Pepsi. I'll see the beginning part.
Pepsi, Pepsi, cola Pepsi. Jews are the worst.

Speaker 1 Wasn't that it? What was it?

Speaker 1 That was the worst. Pepsi, Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Cola Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Pepsi Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Cola Pepsi.

Speaker 1 That was so wrong. What was there?

Speaker 1 Pepsi Pepsi. Cola Pepsi.
Say it.

Speaker 1 But they had the Asian one. Oh, what was that one? Pepsi, Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Pepsa, Pepsi.

Speaker 1 Cola Pepsi. Pepsi.
Cola Pepsi. Nipchin Kepsi

Speaker 1 Let me ask you what they have in the Philippines. Do they have Pepsi in the Philippines? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Obviously, they have Coke.

Speaker 1 Do they have Dr. Pepper in the Philippines?

Speaker 1 I've never tried. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. They don't have Dr.
How about Mountain Dew? Yeah, they have. Do they have Mr.
Pib in the Philippines? That's like Dr. Pepper's little boss.

Speaker 1 All right, so do they have

Speaker 1 what else would it be? Orange Crush?

Speaker 1 No. Holy shit.
Seven up. There's seven up.
Sprite. Gotta be.
There's gotta be Sprite. Coke owns that.
Yeah, there's gotta be Sprite. What about? Is there one that you don't think that we have here?

Speaker 1 What's that? Orange.

Speaker 1 Orange Crush. That's what he was saying.
Crush. No, it's not Orange Crush.
It's another name.

Speaker 1 I forgot the names of it.

Speaker 1 Thanks for being here, Rudy. Rudy, I mean, the contribution

Speaker 1 is just excellent. It's through the roof.
It's through the roof. It's amazing.
So when Jules first came to America with her family,

Speaker 1 Statue of Liberty. They were in LA, and I go, let's go get some pizza.
So we went and got deep dish pizza from Chicago, from that place in Echo Park, Mosa. Masa.
Masa that's it. You've been there?

Speaker 1 Oh, you've kids. Great, right? Yeah, it's delicious.
We get the pizza. I'm going, fuck yeah.

Speaker 1 On their side, they probably ate one piece and they were just like this.

Speaker 1 Why were they so sad? Because they don't, they, that's not the kind of pizza they have in the Philippines. Oh, right.
Deep dish is not, they don't have that for peace.

Speaker 1 I know, but they have, what do you have? They like they have round table, and that's their classy place. Just really thin pizza.
Right, like New York style. Yeah, but you didn't like the deep dish?

Speaker 1 At first, I didn't. Now you do.
Why?

Speaker 1 Why now? Because you keep buying it over the pizza.

Speaker 1 See, I'm conditioning her. Yeah.
What else can you condition her to do? Oh, I can condition her to do a lot of things, right? Like what?

Speaker 1 Get a job, pay rent.

Speaker 1 Maybe. I think you should start paying rent.
That's my opinion. You know, what I would like to do is this.
Just a very simple thing.

Speaker 1 You know what? You want our relationship to get better? Do you?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I don't know how many times I have to tell you. Yesterday, I get in the car.

Speaker 1 And there's one bar left

Speaker 1 on the gas tank. Every time she fucking uses the colour.
Dude, fill up the tank. We've done this before.
How come you haven't filled up the fucking tank?

Speaker 1 Do you not know how to get gas? I do. I just get tired.

Speaker 1 Do you think Bobby doesn't get tired? Bobby's got to go do work. After we pod, he's got to go do shows.
So now what?

Speaker 1 It's full tank right now. Yep, I did it.
Lady. What were you going to say? I know, right? Say it.
It's your birthday. Bitch.
There it is. You know what? You fucking bitch.
Yep. It's my fuck.

Speaker 1 I filled it. Yep.
Because I'm responsible. Every time I have to fucking fill the fucking tank up.
Preach. Right? And let me say something right now.

Speaker 1 In your buggies or whatever you have in the Philippines, let it out. Right? I don't know what you feel in those, right?

Speaker 1 You probably have little

Speaker 1 Filipinos with little wheels

Speaker 1 underneath the engine. You know what I mean? Like 15 of them.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And we use gasoline in them. That's right.
Light her up. Yeah, we lose gasoline.
Light her up. Yeah, I will, right? And You fucking bitch.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You fucking feel the fucking tank that hell yeah.
All right, you ungrateful.

Speaker 1 Let it in. Let it.

Speaker 1 Yes. Do you understand?

Speaker 1 Right? You don't pay nothing. You pay nothing.
Give it to her, Bob. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you?

Speaker 1 I don't. Oh, now, now, what is that about? Now you've, what, there's something going on in your head? Are you getting angry right now? No.
Okay.

Speaker 1 You know what? You look like your mom right now.

Speaker 1 That makes her angry. You remember how she roasted you a couple episodes ago? She called me a fat, ugly,

Speaker 1 stupid.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 so now it's your turn to roast her. It's your birthday.

Speaker 1 Because we're getting to blanket out. We'll beep out whatever you don't want to leave in.
You roast her. Okay.
Light her up, dude.

Speaker 1 You fucking

Speaker 1 hairless cave woman

Speaker 1 mud.

Speaker 1 Mud monkey. yeah mud monkey dirt squirting

Speaker 1 dirt squirting fucking

Speaker 1 Neanderthal

Speaker 1 shit eating right

Speaker 1 fucking hairless turd fucker you that good that so

Speaker 1 good right yeah that's what you are do me do me do me introvert that guy headed fucking mutant you know what I mean

Speaker 1 demon spawning fucking cis eating right

Speaker 1 Andres, Andres White. Why, you fucking Spanish fucking mole eating shit drool fucking.
You know what I mean? Do Pete, do Pete.

Speaker 1 Pete, you fucking gigantism titty fucking hoarding, titty hoarding, titty maker, piece of garbage, human.

Speaker 1 Pretty good, right?

Speaker 1 Feels good, man.

Speaker 1 Doesn't it feel good? It feels good to do it. She got it out.
She got it out. These guys compiled some comedians for Rudy to roast because she roasted you.

Speaker 1 Rudy, you want to roast comics that we're friends with and see what you can come up with? I'll try. Let me see, Pete.
Bring it up. Pete decided that she was so good at roasting you.
She did.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to lie. She lit you the fuck up.
Oh, I loved it, though. I mean, it felt really loved.
I loved it. All right, let's see who she can roast.
Go.

Speaker 1 It's got to be rapid roast, fast.

Speaker 1 I just want to describe him. Yeah, that's

Speaker 1 a good describe him. Okay.

Speaker 1 Wrinkly. Oh, good.
Yeah. He's a wrinkly bastard.
Yeah. Thin lips.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You wrinkly, thin-lipped.

Speaker 1 Hairy. Hairy, hairy, yeah, yeah.
And one more.

Speaker 1 Pale skin. Pale skin.
Pale skin. Next.
Say next. Next, next.
Next. Okay, how about this one? Be careful.
It's their holiday.

Speaker 1 Come on. Say it.
Go ahead. Come on.

Speaker 1 You.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Don't say. Yeah, you can say whatever you want because we're going to blank out whatever you want.
We're going to blank out whatever bad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You You Jewish.

Speaker 1 I mean, you could just end there.

Speaker 1 You could just end there. Next.
Next girl. How about this one? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fat.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like Bert.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck, man. All right, next.

Speaker 1 You say next. You say next.
Here we go. Hairless.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Chipmunk. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Big eye. Big eye.
Yeah, yeah. Tarshir.
All right.

Speaker 1 I don't know what what that is.

Speaker 1 What is that? A small monkey.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. Okay, shit.
What about this? She didn't say next. You got to let her say next.
Next. Yeah, this one.
Here we go. Look at this one.

Speaker 1 He looks weird. Exactly.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. You weird.
Weird. Yeah, you.
You say you. Remember how you're doing?

Speaker 1 You weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Small-headed.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Hairless. Hairless.
Yeah, you like hairless. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Stupid face. Stupid face.
Stupid face, yeah. Hit him.
Next.

Speaker 1 Go for the throat. Go for the throat.
Go for it. He's throat.

Speaker 1 You know it, bro. Go for the throat.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you can. Light him up.
Give it a go. Light him.

Speaker 1 Fire. You know what it is.
You know what it is. Say it.
Yeah, say it. What's the first thing that comes to mind? Say it.

Speaker 1 What's the first thing that comes to mind? Say it. You.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Big.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah.
Very big. Very big.
Can I see?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
We'll bleep it. We'll bleep it.
We'll bleep it.

Speaker 1 Come on, Rudy. Hit him.

Speaker 1 Hairy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Big nose. Yes.

Speaker 1 Weird. Yeah.
Well, you could also say like bitch, or you can add that stuff too for fun.

Speaker 1 Bitch ass.

Speaker 1 Bitch ass.

Speaker 1 Next. Please get it.
Come on, get her. Please get it.
Get her.

Speaker 1 You long face.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bitch. Bitch.

Speaker 1 That's it. Next.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there we go. Pete.

Speaker 1 No eyebrows.

Speaker 1 He doesn't have any eyebrows. That's weird.

Speaker 1 No lips.

Speaker 1 Fuck face. Yeah, another fuck face.
Next. Next.

Speaker 1 Do you know who that is? No.

Speaker 1 You don't know who that is? He's been on our show. He was just at the house, Rick Glassman.

Speaker 1 He doesn't look like Rick. Yeah, he looks exactly like Rick.
Yeah, that looks like Rick.

Speaker 1 All right, go ahead.

Speaker 1 You

Speaker 1 nerd.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Fucking big nose.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Thin lips. Yeah, again.

Speaker 1 That's it. I'm going to say this, though.
You know, white people, you're saying thin lips a lot. It's just because you're from a big-lipped people.
I just feel like. He doesn't have lips.

Speaker 1 She's not wrong. I know she's not wrong.
We all do have small lips.

Speaker 1 I feel like it's a bias. We all have small lips.
Yeah. It's part of our white privilege.
Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 1 It's one of our white privileges. You know who that is? The Yuvon.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Weird-looking. Yeah.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 I don't like the hair.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 Lesbian hair. Lesbian hair.
Yeah, lesbian hair.

Speaker 1 I don't like the.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, you don't like the smirk? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So do that. Smirk having.

Speaker 1 Smirk having.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Thick neck. Thick neck.
Thick neck, yeah.

Speaker 1 Weirdo. Yeah.
Yeah. Next.

Speaker 1 Bless you.

Speaker 1 Whatever the fuck that was. Was that a sneeze? Yeah, I sneeze weird.
Next. Next.
Damn, dude. She's all right.
I like Tom. Fuck that.
This after Rosenald, fuck this piece of shit.

Speaker 1 I like him. Look at his head.
Look at the head of a fucking penis. But it's cute.

Speaker 1 Alright, you like him? Yeah. He's nice to you.
All right, fucking. Fine.
Fine. We love him.
Do you know who that is? No. Tony Hinchcliffe.
Yeah. He loves Asians.

Speaker 1 He really does. He loves them.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's a real ally.

Speaker 1 He looks like a mouse.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But, like, with a long face. Yeah.
Okay. He has big lips.

Speaker 1 That's a positive, right?

Speaker 1 No, because it doesn't look nice on him. Oh, so yo.
Oh, okay. He should have thin lips then.
Yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So if he has big lips, it's bad. If he has thin lips, it's bad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I got it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's it. That's it.
Oh, that was great. That's a way to end.
Way to end. Holy shit, Rudy.
Oh, can we show something real fast? Pete, bring up the. Bring up the.
I mean, Andreas, bring up the advice.

Speaker 1 Or actually, I have it. I have it.
Listen to this. We got something about your foreskin from last week.
Or two weeks ago? Whatever? I don't know. Long foreskin solution.

Speaker 1 So I just recently went through a period where my wiener was trapped behind some excess skin. Like mine, yeah.
Yeah. Mine was not due to age since I'm only 28.
Okay, rude.

Speaker 1 He doesn't need to, he didn't need to do that. Yeah, yeah, it was rude.

Speaker 1 Long story short, that's very funny use of words.

Speaker 1 I was using a penis enlarging device called the Quick Extender Pro, and all it did was stretch out the length of my penis around my length of the skin around my penis.

Speaker 1 So I was stuck with a lot more skin than when I started with the same size penis. I've been to a doctor and I'm now scheduled for a circumcision to bring my pecker back to the original picture.

Speaker 1 He didn't include a picture. And by back in the picture, I mean not trapped behind the skin.
It's a bad joke. I have a couple of tricks I use to keep the head from sinking back into my penis skin.

Speaker 1 So there is a community that's like you. You're not alone.
There's a bunch of guys out there. I didn't think I was the only one in the world.
Well, but I'm just I try.

Speaker 1 Okay, first of all, I was trying to be comforting and let you know that there is some other guys out there that have some penis problems and so this is he's he's gonna go through surgery though you think I should need surgery but if I what I would do first is I would go get one of these pro-penis the quick extender pro-penis machine so at least you get a bigger penis before you get surgery because you got to get it extended before you clip it down why it's already extended the skin you don't have enough to work with I'm saying swan how do you know this about your penis yeah I've seen it oh that's right yeah there's not much there so then I think we should buy you this kid don't say that in that way though there's not much there it's not is it small it's not small it's but it's not big.

Speaker 1 Just be real with me. Your penis, for your height and weight, and

Speaker 1 ethnic background is probably average.

Speaker 1 Okay. I'll take that.
That's fine. I'll take that.

Speaker 1 But when your penis is being buried in its own skin, we're worried. So we're going to buy this for you.
Yeah. If you will use it, will you use it? I will use it to use it.
I'll use it.

Speaker 1 The penis enlarging kit? Yeah. It comes with a DVD.
Okay. Do you have a DVD player? No.
Okay. Well, we'll have to get you a DVD.
Buy me a DVD player as well. But the results are guaranteed.

Speaker 1 So we want you to use the penis enlargement kit. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I do want you to use it, though. It does work.
You feed your body, feed your penis, get your penis bigger. I'll do it.
Yes.

Speaker 1 All right. Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 Let her take us out. We actually have it on the soundboard.
So all of us look into the camera and let her do it on the soundboard. Go ahead.
Smile big.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend. Perfect.
Perfect. That's so good.

Speaker 1 Why is your fucking thumb blue? Is that like a David Cho thing? Shut up, man. It is, isn't it? It's David Cho.
This is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. What is it?

Speaker 1 Then why the fuck is your finger blue? Because

Speaker 1 there's stuff on it, and I'm trying to cover it. So you put thumbnail, I mean, nail polish on it? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why? Why don't you just leave it alone? Because it's my body. I can do whatever the fuck I want with it.
But why nail polish? Because it was just sitting there. I live with a bunch of girls.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 I think we're losing you. No.

Speaker 1 You're gonna go Bruce Jenner, Caitlin Jenner on this.

Speaker 1 No. Oh, I get a yellow one.

Speaker 1 I get a yellow one. Some things are on purpose here.