Bobby’s Stinky Little Secret

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I forgot it was in my travel bag, but there was a man who came to the show

in Denver Comedy Works.

Shout you out.

He was a little frantic because he was drunk.

He was wasted and he was like,

I love bad friends and I give you something for Rudy.

And so he gave me this to give to you.

Do you know who this is?

That's from My Hero Academia.

Academia is my favorite too. My Hysterectomy? What is that? Mac? What is that? My Hysterectomy Macadamia Nut? Yeah What is his power? He's like the strongest He spreads new variants of COVID He doesn't seem that strong New variants of COVID CR124 come from him He also looks like he Like he mixes fentanyl lab.
Right. This is the fentanyl king right here.
Yeah, the fentanyl king. Snort it.
This guy's great. What is his name? Midoriya.
Oh, Midori Sour. Good drink.
All right. I don't want to throw this to you because I don't want it to break, but I do want you to open it up so I can see it.
Say thank you to the fan that gave that. Look into your camera and thank that man.
Wikipedia. Thank you to the drunk man.
Yeah, Wikipedia says, right? What do they say? The first 10 minutes of Up is a montage. Yeah, you wrote that on Wikipedia.
Yeah, I don't even know how to do that. You wrote that on Wikipedia.
How do I know? George, you believe that I know how to do that?

That is the only saving grace you have, sir, that I...

You know that I have no skills or tech wizardry to even do that.

You paid someone to do that.

No.

That's how it goes.

You sneaky little shark.

Last night I was coming home late. I bought a box of Captain Crunch peanut butter yuck bro good so good I haven't had that in years and sliced up the roof of my mouth I was bleeding while I was brushing my teeth it was worth it what's it the cinnamon cinnamon toast crunch that thing fucks up the bottom of my yeah it slices up your mouth love it but I'm a big the wheat thins guy you like the wheat thins I like the thick cubes with the frosting on one side oh no that's frosted mini wheats what's that called frosted mini wheats I love frosted mini wheats man they're my favorite I like those because the milk soaks in the fucking thing.
I know.

Yeah.

When it gets soggy and they get heavy and fat, they get fat and heavy.

Yeah. They got diabetes that they're going to give you, and then you pick it up out of the milk

and it's falling over your spoon.

I love that.

It reminds me of, because I have to shake my pubes because all the juice when I'm making

love absorbs into my pubes like that.

Right? So then a day later, I could squeeze the pubes and I can get a little bit of juice out. You don't just do that in the shower? You don't just shower it out? Nah.
How thick is your jungle? Real good. No, but I shaved it already.
Oh, you did? I shave it at the spa, yeah. Which, so what I do is I'll, at the, what? Yeah, you shave at the spa.
They have razors in there and shaving cream. Yeah, at the Korean spa, I get the razors, but the Korean men, they hate it.
Why? Because I sit in, because there's two types. There's the shower, and then there's a Japanese-y kind of shower where you're sitting down on a plastic chair, a little plastic chair.
Everybody shares the same plastic chair? No, there's six chairs around this kind of thing, thing right where it's a sit-down washing bath

right right and i i'll put you know um shaving cream on my pubes yeah and i just start like shaving and then the korean men always walk by me and they go how you good you let they'll say something what is that what's the word oh you're this son of a bitch you know me dirty korean yeah Yeah, yeah.

Way jiggle.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, we got invited to somebody's wedding.

Who?

Who? Son of a bitch. You know what I mean? Dirty Korean.
Yeah, yeah. Why is it jiggle?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, we got invited to somebody's wedding.

Who?

Courtney and James.

That's the loving couple right there.

Let me see.

Courtney and James.

Hold on.

It's Saturday, October 30th, 4 p.m. in Kentucky.

There's no way.

What do you guys think?

Do you want to go?

I'm free. She's free.
Should we do? Wouldn't that be fun for us to just fly her out there? Just her? Just me? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
So funny. Can Andres come? Can Andres come? I don't know, because to be honest with you, he hasn't been here in...
Let's see. You don't know them.
No, no, no. Dude, they're a fan.
They sent it to us. They sent it to the Bad Friends crew And they invited the whole crew to the wedding I think I wonder what would that be like If we showed up to that wedding I mean we would run it It certainly wouldn't be her special day It'd be our day Now we have to go that's James Courtney and James I think we'll go Courtney and James we're going to be sending Rudy Jules to your wedding Rudy Jules is going to go to.
Yeah. I think we'll go.
Courtney and James, we're going to be sending Rudy Jules to your wedding. Rudy Jules is going to go to Kentucky.
What are you going to give them as a gift, Rudy? A rice cooker. Appropriate.
That make sense? Why? Why not? People love rice. Yeah, but to them it's going to be like, you just probably found it around your house.

But what do you think they think she is?

She shows up and they're like,

the Mexican girl gave us

a rice cooker.

Yeah, that's definitely.

They'll go,

not a tortilla?

You don't want to give us

a tortilla maker?

I guarantee you

if we put her in the middle.

They probably think it's like

an armadillo without the scales.

They just ripped off the scales

and then Rudy showed up.

Rudy, if we...

Did that hurt your feelings? No. Nah.
Okay no make fun of me now go come on no I can't no just shame me right now I want you to learn because I want you to survive in the world go ahead shame me I shamed you I called you an armadillo without scales um you don't have eyebrows oh burn oh i'm not gonna be able to sleep for a week all right we'll take that okay so use the idea that you know he doesn't have eyebrows just okay but make up something about that like use that for the joke that's not the joke but use that you i don't know how to make a joke all right all right we're like we're teaching you right now right okay your eyebrows are you know what your eyebrows look like they look like what what's mean that looks thin and and and and almost not you know aside from that right why don't you try something where just i know that you're a nice person but say something that you think is gonna really hurt my feelings yeah right and i

think that's where you should go me too right so say something that's you think that's really gonna hurt my feelings but i'm okay with it to just try go ahead i can't yes you can what would hurt my feelings go ahead you look like yep an old there we go fat there we go i love it uh warmer getting warmer stupid that's good old fat stupid it's hurting it's working Warmer Wait, wait, wait Stop, stop, stop Stop First of all First of all She went That is She took an angle That's not what I meant, but That's what I meant I know that's what you meant, but That was great Okay That was I look like an old, fat, stupid...

You know, if somebody said that at a roast, right?

Yeah.

I would be mad.

But it'd have to be that slow.

It'd have to be that slow.

Yeah.

Right.

You say it outright.

It's just not that good.

It's the balance of everything that she did.

That's really amazing.

Now, I want people to listen at home, right? She was forced to say that. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And, you know, she was cornered like an animal. We bullied her.
And we bullied her to say that. Yeah, yeah.
She didn't have a choice. And it hurt.
It did. But I'm proud of you.
Proud of you, Rudy. Rudy.
Did that feel bad saying it? Yeah. Yeah.
It did? Oh. It didn't feel good a little bit? Just a little bit.
No. Really? It's mean.
Oh, that's true. It is, but it's fun.
I know. Why is that fun? Because mean stuff is fun.
Yeah. Because it's all in good fun.
You don't really mean it. Yeah, I forget that when you know, I forget that like when you're around comedians, you can say certain things.

But I made the mistake one time of making fun of a guy that was in line.

So I was opening for Carlos Mencia at the Ice House.

And the guy was in line.

And he, I literally thought he was making a face.

Right? So he's standing in the line like this like that right and I walked up to him and went hey I got to him and he goes and it was oh it was his face it was his face and I went oh fuck what do you say to that nothing I just walked out yeah keep going yeah you keep going. Yeah, you got to keep going.
He's still a fan. He's listening to us right now.
He's like, I love you anyway. Yeah.
Tell everybody what you said to somebody's son at the comedy store. How do you know about that? You told me.
You walked into the green room of the main room. Oh, yeah.
So I feel so bad about it. It was very funny to me.

It's not.

Me and Tom Papa were laughing.

I know.

So I'm standing there with Shane Gillis.

Yeah.

And Tim Dillon.

And we're in the parking lot.

And Sherry Shepard.

If you don't know Sherry Shepard,

she was on The View.

Very funny.

Very funny lady. I've known her for 25 years.
We always been friends yeah and she has her son so she comes up to me goes and she's wearing her mask so she has to say out loud hey it's sherry shopper because it's like i mean i would already known who she was it's either her or you know right so i give sherry a hug we have our masks on right and her son's wearing a mask and he's a shorter black guy and i go young he's like he's 14 years old yeah he's a young boy so i go what's up kevin hart right and he he does this he like tenses up he tenses up like this and then sherry immediately goes well he's 14 he hasn't been in a club before she's trying to like and they kind of walk away and I look at Tim I'm blushing and look at Tim and Shannon go and they're like wrong thing to say man yeah till this day I don't feel like that that's a bad thing you just what you just said was hey short black guy that's true that's what i said yeah but i thought i honestly thought right that you know because when you see a comic yeah you see someone like fahim anwar is perfect so fahim anwar will always be around guys've never seen before. But you just make this assumption that they're either writers or a comedian.
Yeah. It's fucking 1030 on a school night.
Yeah. So in your head, you're like.
He should be in bed. So you're just crossing off these things in your head really quickly.
Right. That can't be that.
That can't be that. It's got to be a comedian.
It's got to be a comedian. Right.
Or her boyfriend. I don't know.
I don't know her situation.

Well, in the mask, I couldn't tell.

He kind of looked 14.

Okay.

So I threw it out there.

And it reminded me of the fucking thing I did at the lake. Of the face.

No, the river in Budapest.

What?

Where I was with Cheyenne and those guys.

I told you that story on this podcast.

What?

I never told you that story? I don't think so. Well, the first day I was there, just real quick, I was there.
I get a letter from Jamie Lee Curtis saying, tomorrow meet me at noon. So I don't know anybody.
So we're having lunch. And Jamie Lee Curtis, I'm with this guy named Cheyenne Jackson and Penn Teller, Penn Gillette.
Yeah. and Jamie Lee Curtis goes, we're going to go by the river.
I want to show you something. So we go to the river.
Do you know this story? Y'all want to see a dead body? Yeah. So we go to the river and along the side of the river, there was these little bronze shoes.
And they're like kind of cemented into the side. And there's probably 60 of them, pairs.

And back in, during the Holocaust,

Hitler and his gang.

His boys.

His boys.

Yeah.

They just lined up Jews on the side of the river and shot them and they threw them over the river, right?

Yeah.

Which is really sad.

Yeah, sad.

And then Jamie Lee and Cheyenne and a bunch of people are around these pair of shoes that were like a little boy's pair of shoes. And Cheyenne goes, oh, my God.
Because he has a son that's young. Yeah.
And he goes, a little boy. Yeah.
And then I go as loud as I can. It could have been a midget.

And then the group, they don't know

me. I had one lunch with them.

They all collectively

turned their backs on me and

walked away.

I'm still staring at the shoes.

Trying to figure out if it was a midget or not?

No, no, no. Trying to figure out what in God's green earth I was thinking about saying that I mean it's funny I understand that if I was with a bunch of comics would have worked I think it would have worked crushed but around actors and especially people who were like emotional and crying I was just like yeah you read it wrong did I read it wrong a little bit yeah you think I read it wrong? A little bit.
Yeah, you think I read it wrong. Yeah, a little bit.
Okay, well, that's, you know. But you got to try.
No, you don't. Because what happened after that is there was 12 times.
I was there for like a month and a half. Yeah.
12 times where I stopped myself. From making jokes.
From making a fucked up joke. Were there no other comics there at all? No, like I would have lunch with lunch with all these people right and it'd be a window and my gut would go now right your gut just goes this is it say it and my body just went no you can't and so now everyone on the show now thinks i'm kind of like a clean comic or a nice guy could show up on time smile yeah but they be friendly what they know i think deep down they don't.
They can feel that you have that dark sense of humor. I don't even see it as a dark sense.
Not dark, but it's just raw. It's not even raw.
It's just like the way I survived as a kid. Yeah.
You know, people would attack me physically or whatever, and I would defend myself by saying the most fucked up thing. Yeah.
And that's just the way. That's kind of what comedy is a little bit.

I guess, but it's like,

I should just know better.

You live, you learn.

I mean, look, dude, you're a young guy.

I'm 50 in.

Fuck you, you asshole.

I'm 50 in.

A month.

One month.

A month.

A month.

No, three weeks.

Two weeks. No, next Friday.
Next week. Yeah, next Friday.
I forgot what it month. A month.
No. Three weeks.
Two weeks.

No.

Next Friday.

Next week.

Yeah, next Friday.

I forgot what it is.

Yeah, next Friday.

Yeah, next Friday I am.

Oh, yeah.

Speaking of which, look at this.

What does that say?

I feel like we're all much closer to bad friends now that Bobby has flaked on all of us now.

We know he does it to his closest friends.

It's good to know he does it to his bad friends.

Oof, in the Reddit thread.

Bobby's birthday party is canceled.

Well, it's not our fault. It's not Bobby's fault.
What are you supposed to do? Well, why'd you even show me that? I don't have control of that. It's so hurtful.
Hey, fuck face. Why'd you show me that? It hurts me.
Well, it was a good segue from what you're talking about. I know, but I just want to apologize to people, but it was because of the Delta and all that stuff.
No, it's not Delta. It's a new one.
Moo. Moo, the Moo virus.
Is it Moo? What is it called? M-U. Yeah, the Moo Virus, yeah.
Moo, M-U. But they don't know, like, it sounds scarier.
Moo Virus. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, doesn't it? Coming to theaters this fall. Right.
The Moo Virus. Yeah.
Move over, Delta. The movie before that was like a Disney.
Delta. Yeah.
Welcome to Disney. The Delta Virus.
Yeah. Yay.
But boo, they went darker.

This is really dark.

Yeah.

And the next one will be like an A24 film.

It'll be like really subversive and weird.

Yeah, yeah.

Off and people who get it will like lose a limb.

Like your eyeball will just fall out of your fucking head.

Yeah.

Nether.

The nether.

Nether world.

The nether virus.

The nether virus.

Yeah, yeah.

Nether.

Presented by A24.

Yeah.

The nether virus. And you have to by A24 Yeah The nether virus And you have to double mask Triple mask Triple mask Six vaccines And you can only 69 Yeah You have to 69 That's the only way You're allowed to sex with people Yeah Genitals can't touch genitals anymore Only genitals to mouth That's how you fight The nether virus The nether virus But it to mutate.
Yes! It's never going to go away. But are they going to get worse, these mutations? Yes! We're fucked.
We are fucked up. We're never going to get away from it.
No, we're going to die. Everyone will die.
Everyone's going to get it, though. Everyone will get it, yeah.
A version of it. Yeah, I cannot wait for you guys to get it.
Why? I can't wait.

Because you got to experience it, dude.

You went through it already.

Yeah, you got to live it.

You got to do it. You're acting like it's a ride at Magic Mountain or something.

It's a ride of passage.

Yeah, yeah.

Did you ride the new fucking Blue Virus?

I waited in line.

Yeah, yeah.

Trying to get the fucking skip pass to get up to the-

No, I feel like it is a ride of passage somehow, some way.

You know what we got to do, you and I, when

you guys get it? No,

when amusement parks are open.

Oh, let's go. But she

has never been. No, she has.

She just won't go on

because of fear. Fear of what?

So many times we had to go... I'm falling.

You're not gonna fall.

What do you mean? I'm scared.

Dude, when's the last time an accident happened at an amusement park? Probably 50 years ago. Yeah.
Last accident at an amusement park. Rudy, it's got to be so long ago before the technology.
Three months. Three months ago.
Three months ago? Three months ago? No, look down.

Yeah, what?

List of amusement park accidents in the United States.

Yeah, but when they have a list like that on Wikipedia or whatever, right?

It can't be a lot.

What's the biggest fear?

Upside down?

You don't want to go upside down?

Yeah.

In case you slip out?

Yeah.

Has someone ever diarrhea-ed?

Oh, I diarrhea every time.

Has someone ever diarrhea-ed? I mean, yeah, Bobby squirts a little bit, but I mean, you mean has someone had like a real bad diarrhea accident yeah has someone shit on a roller coaster perfect did a tourist get diarrhea on a roller coaster and splash 14 people wow wow I mean kudos to the ability would you be mad reports of a tour I'd be like 14 of us got it That's impressive No but I mean Imagine the ride's over You have shit All over your face Woo Yeah Well you would do that Because of the photo Yeah They always do a photo So you're like I know I have diarrhea On my face Yeah But I don't want to Wait back in that line So I'm gonna go And you do the face I don't know If we do send you to Kentucky for the wedding Andres can't't go because he's busy. Look at this picture of this guy, by the way.
Go to Andres' page. Look at this, dude.
Who the fuck does this guy think he is? This fucking softy. Andres Rosende Novo.
Director of the Quinnipiac Los Angeles program. Born in Spain.
Raised in Los Angeles. Look at him.
Andres has directed multiple successful short films that have played in more than 200 film festivals. Yeah.
Look at him. Oh, my God.
He won the international award, included a DJ for best Latin short. But he's a talented guy.
Andres also produces the hit podcast, Bad Friends, starring comedians Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. Is that real? He does say that.
Andrew also produced the hit... Andres.
...andres, starring comedian Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. Interesting.
George is not on there. George is not on there.
Oh my god. How does that feel? Is he the sole producer? It feels like betrayal.
That's what it feels like. I know, but George, who's the executive producer of Bad Friends? Me and Bryce.
Andreas Rosende Novo novo it's andreas according to this according to this

article yeah he's he's using me just for for now more uh about clout for his regular job too

pete zoom in on that face look at his smug little smile yeah look at that just pinch it look at that

look at that oh yes hello i am the sole producer of bad friends and look at his lips when has it

ever been that color never when this dude put gloss lip so much lip gloss on his fucking

We'll be right back. And look at his lips.
When has it ever been that color? Never. When this dude put lip gloss on.
So much lip gloss. On his fucking lips.
And he even painted a little bit of facial hair, which I think was cool. Yeah.
He can't grow that. But you know what he is wearing? Those shitty fucking European shirts he wears.
Yeah, you hate those. Look at that.
Look at the inner lining of it. I know.
Flowers. The more patterns, the more expensive, bud.
Oh, but he's cute there. He is a little babe.
Yeah, yeah. We miss our little Andres.
Where is he? He's out east. We're doing a thing for the school.
He's like teaching something in school. Good for him.
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Look at this, Bob. Tough day in history.
The Robert E. Lee statue was removed from Virginia.
Your great, great, great, great, wait, great, great, great grandfather, Robert E E. Lee his statue was removed from Virginia Street

they took it down

it's funny because it's like people make these jokes on Twitter and stuff

going you know

how dare you put Bobby Lee Live's statue down

it's just number one

we don't share the same middle name

his name is Robert my name is Bobby

he's white and I'm fucking a fat Asian guy

I still think you might have some blood

you think so? your principles are similar what do you mean what name me some of his principles he was again he was pro slavery check check go ahead check go ahead he was pro railroads and the Asians check and he was pro Like pillaging and raping Check Don't even have to finish that You're the same You're just like Robert E. Lee But they tore down a statue I'd be people bummed I think certain groups of group people are very bummed This is the problem with me I'm not Statues are who gives a fuck.
I'm not really who gives a fuck guy. Yeah, there's two things I hate.
Statues or I don't give a fuck. You know what else? Fountains.
Yeah, what the fuck? Look at our fountain. Look at all this water.
Yeah, I hate it. We're showing off to third world countries.
That's all that is. It's like a middle finger to the third world country.
My mother. Look at all this moving water.
We used to go to this mall and there was a fountain in the middle of this mall and i went to the bathroom i came back and my mom had taking taken her pants no yeah and rolled it all the way up to her fucking ankles and she's waiting in the fucking the fucking fountain and i remember as even as a kid going like you're not supposed to do that like who does that it's not for that is it though in her korean mind she's like picking up the pennies yeah yeah like look at the money i found you know i mean it's like all these wishes going away you know what i mean yeah but she's getting all the wishes that's the original dream catch yeah my mom used to do that with the wish stealer she also used to sleep just on the floor yeah Yeah, it's so good for your back. Like in the middle of the mall.
Oh, what? Yeah. When you're out at the mall? Yeah, she would just sleep, take a nap in the middle of a fucking mall.
It was so embarrassing. Like she doesn't know the rules.
Were you with friends when this happened? No, no, no. I didn't have friends then.
Really? Yeah. They don't have...
My dad used to be with golf clubs. No, we know.
We know. But seriously...
Your mom would just lay down in the middle of the mall and take a nap? Yeah, yeah. My mom backhanded me once.
I was dropped off. I went to a camp.
Right? Concentration? No. Summer.
Oh. Yeah.
We applied for a concentration. Didn't get accepted.
You just needed more focus. Yeah.
And I remember the yellow bus coming back to the school. We'd gone for two months.
And all the parents were there. How big was the bus? It was a little kind.
Is that a problem? No, it just wasn't a false. I had to wear a helmet.
Is that weird? Bobby. Yeah.
And I remember the kids would get off the bus, and their parents would be so happy to see them. And they would pick the kids up, kiss them, you know what I mean, this and that.
I don't know why I did this, but when I saw my mom, she goes, Bobby. I pushed her.
You pushed her out of your way? I pushed her out of the way because I thought it was embarrassing. Oh, yeah.
Well, how old were you? Nine. Yeah, that's that age.
Yeah. And I remember on the car ride home, she backhanded me 25 times.
In the car? Yeah, just as hard as she could. By the way, while she's driving? Yeah, while she's driving.
yeah while she's drops the fact that parents could be like yeah yeah yeah still be able to drive like 25 times wow and i remember looking at the the rear view and what on that that what's on the window on the mirror the rear oh no the side mirror the side mirror and i remember looking at my face it was just like bleeding and i'd like fucking think my finger like marks on my face. But you deserved it, didn't you? I think I did.
I think that another time my mom, another time my mom, we were going to go to an amusement park. And I was at my cousin Andy's house.
And I said, get me these pants. Because I spent the night at my cousin Andy's house.
And she was going to pick us up. And she didn't get the pants that I wanted.
Right? And I go, fuck you, mom. This and that.
What? And we ended up not going. Yeah, no shit.
Yeah. You don't get to say that.
I was a bad kid. How old were you, though? 11.
And you were saying fuck you to your mom? Yeah. Bad boy.
Yeah. You deserved to get hit.
but you squared off it worked out somehow what do you mean well you're fine you're not a bad person yeah but um you look you you didn't do weird things growing up a lot of weird shit growing up yeah but mine was always like uh we got in trouble for like stealing stuff i got we got in trouble for fights or or We got in trouble for fights or I brought a gun to school. That guy got in trouble for that.
Yeah, yeah. That was bad.
This is preschool shoot. It wasn't a real gun.
If you and I were friends back then and we got drunk in a tent, do you think we get in a fistfight we'd probably do some gay

shit if you and i were drunk in a tent we'd probably do some gay that's exactly what i wanted to hear we would do gay shit today yeah if you relax go gay again on this fucking podcast we always go gay that's what this show is exactly so let's talk about it we're in the tent but you did

experimental gay stuff when you were a kid. Did you ever have a circle jerk? Yeah, I remember.
Were you jerked off with your boyfriend? I can't say names, but I remember my parents were going out of town. They were going to San Francisco.
And I remember that night, I called my friend Alan.

You're like, I'm not going to say names right away.

Yeah, but he didn't do anything.

There's other people that, he didn't do anything.

Alan just watched?

I don't know where Alan went.

Right?

But he didn't do anything.

He was just hiding behind the couch?

No.

But we had a bunch of people.

And somebody brought over a VHS tape of a porn.

But we also got, my dad was an alcoholic, so we had a wine, like a liquor, you know what I mean? In the basement. In the living room.
In the living room. With shots of whiskey and stuff like that.
Next thing I know, we're all. In each other.
No, we're not fucking each other, but we're all kind of jerking off. Somebody just pulled it out and they said.
You didn't even get a blanket no we just all just started doing it gotta get a blanket but and then i then i blacked out right it's coming so much no i don't know i don't know what happened but this is i distinctly remember five in the morning so you have my bedroom right and when you walk out my bedroom if you take a left and a quick right is a where the washer and dryer is. But also there's a bathroom to the left.
And if you open the door, there's a fucking pool. Somebody please draw that.
So in the bathroom to my left, I hear something. Right? And I'm kind of sobered up a little bit.
I'm kind of wandering the house. And I see a figure, one figure, right? It's a fucking shower, right? So I open up the shower.
It's a friend of mine. He locks eyes with me.
He's completely naked, right? His penis is erect, right? And he looks at me and he says something that anywhere I want to get a laugh or a giggle.

And I don't know why it was funny to me.

But instead of going, you know, if I'm naked and I'm in a fucking shower and you open the door, I'm going to cover up.

That's not what this fool did.

Maybe.

I don't know.

This fool looks at me, locks at him and he goes, I can't come. That poor guy.
That's what he said to me. That poor guy.
And I remember closing it, right, and going back to my bedroom. Sorry.
And I remember, like, giggling, right, going, how long was he in there? You know what I mean? For four hours, right? I don't know. Can't come? I can't come.
I can't come. come yeah you didn't help him or nothing or no i just went right to my fucking bed so funny if he was like i can't come and you're like yeah yeah boys do just such gross shit because we're such horny weirdos yeah we're weirdos one time i rode my bike home i was riding my bike home and the way my balls were rubbing on the seat i got a boner on the bike ride home yeah and i pulled i pulled over behind this like shed and i just jerked off yeah just outside yeah i had to i was just it was like it was like dusk and it was like

near a field i just jerked off near a field and the shame that you feel the moment that you're done

yeah you just want to jump into a fucking hole and disappear yeah i don't know why the universe

makes you feel bad after you come it makes you i know what is it because you just everyone's dead

I'm sorry. Jump into a fucking hole and disappear.
Yeah. I don't know why the universe makes you feel bad after you come.
It makes you, I don't know. What is it? Because you just, everyone's dead? I think it's because it's like you're doing something animalistic, right? And there is an empty, when you unload, there isn't, I think, a physiological thing that goes on within the body where it's like there's an emptiness or you just know that it's out of you.
It's gone. And the desire, I think God made it that way.
Yeah. So that you're not constantly.
But you still are constantly doing it. Yeah, but, yeah, I guess, yeah, you're right.
As a young guy, I could probably do it two or three times. In a day? In a row, maybe.
What? Dude, if I was 16 and you put a hot chick in front of me i could do it probably four times in a row i could do two maybe dude imagine a supermodel a supermodel right and i'm 16 imagine right i see it i've never seen a naked body before right and it And it would be like, I would do it three or four times. Yeah.
Yeah. I guess that's possible.
Did you ever attend when you masturbated and nothing came out? Well, talk about 50. The other night, close your ears.
She's not even here. So I talked to my therapist with my with my girlfriend yesterday and I'm gonna reveal something that I've never revealed to anyone before I feel like my age has caught up to my sexual drive sexual drive oh man yeah do you not wanna have sex at all anymore I can feel it no it's just like this like certain things like like before if I was I was at the comedy store and I see a group of girls walking in,

let's say they're wearing summer dresses or skirt.

Ooh, summer dresses.

And they're just, you know what I mean?

They're just like, comedy!

Yay!

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

We're here to laugh.

And they do twirls.

They just do a twirl and the dress is kind of a twirl.

I love comedy!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that happens all the time. And before I'd be like, I would do a twirl with this in the dress it's kind of I love comedy yeah yeah yeah yeah that happens all the time and I before I'd be like I would do a memorization of what she of what they wore their smell I just get you know certain things right and then later in the night right I would probably jerk off to that right okay now it's like like I'll literally do three steps back and I'll be sick.
Why? Because I just know, number one, even if I was single, they would have no interest in me because I'm old now. And it's just like I don't want to deal with the voices and their opinions.
Okay, but even with the person you love, you still don't want to have sex want to have sex no i do like you know but it's like i can see my body yeah not doing it so i think i need to be on something testosterone maybe should we get you some tea on the show i think i need testosterone let's get you some testosterone on the show because i um i can feel it zapping away does Does your penis not stay hard anymore?

It also does something weird,

and I don't even know if I should talk about it on this.

Please.

Okay.

You know when a penis is uncircumcised?

I sure do.

Are you?

No.

So the skin around my penis,

the loose skin around the head is now so loose the sleeve the sleeve right that it it's a long sleeve now it swallows the head yeah but and if I don't constantly untuck it right a smell occurs oh boy yeah like a cheesy smell yeah you gotta clean it bud I know it's like I'm circumcised, so I don't know how to do it. Wait, what? You're circumcised? Yeah.
And you still have sleeve skin? Now, because the fucking skin around my shaft is so loose. Oh, no.
It's now- Wrapping over your head? Wrapping over my head, that's what I'm saying. I've never heard this in the history of anything.
Well, I'm telling you it's happening. Wow.
Like if I pull my penis out right now, it'll be wrapped. It's wrapped around the head.
Yeah. I mean, it's keeping it warm.
No, it's just that maybe I've played with it so much that the skin's just like, you know what I mean? We're not trying. You know what I mean? That's so sad.
It's so sad. So now I'm getting this like cheesy smell out of it.
What do you mean? Please let me spread it on a cracker. So now constantly on stage I did it last night.
What? I have a technique. Well, there's two things I've been doing.
I shouldn't be... So last night I did it on stage without even...
And there was a packed room. I I took my two fingers like this I stuck it on my pants And I just You know what I mean? What? Yeah I went To show people? No To adjust To adjust it Because I could see it being engulfed Yeah And I'm sweating on stage I don't want it to smell That's why Bad Friends is excited to announce Slee.
Sleeve backs. Pin back your penis skin.
But here's the second thing I've been doing. Yeah.
I was trying this and it was working but then it's like I was suffocating my penis. Oh, he couldn't breathe.
So what I was doing was my girlfriend's headband, you know, the little thin, where they put tonic... Hair tie? Hair tie.
Mm-hmm. So I've been doubling up the hair tie and stinging it between the head and the shaft.
Get the fuck out of here. No.
You're really doing that? I'm doing this. Well, then we need sleeve backs.
Right. So then...
But it's getting so tight that... It's cutting off.
It's suffocated. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, right. And it's turning all purple and like not getting any you know it's getting too much blood

or something

it's already purple

there's no doubt

right right

so it's like

I'm like I don't think

that's the right way

you gotta let it

we gotta invent

maybe like a sweater

or something

if there's any guys out there

that have this problem

please write into

the Bad Friends show

because we can help

create a product

maybe you can make a Cosby sweater

imagine

you know what I mean

that type of style

80s

like a Coogee sweater

right like

and just put it around the thing

so that like

his head is constantly yeah you know i need something but we got to make little arms coming out yeah yeah imagine us pitching this in the hand a little pudding pop dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun welcome to shark tank hello sharks yeah today we have an investment Today we have an investment for you. We'd like $10 million for 2% of our company.
Sleeve backs. Hi.
Sweaters, sweatshirts to pull back the loose skin on your penis. Bobby? I'm CEO Bobby Lee.
Hi. So I'm 50 and I'm fat, fat, fat Asian.

And, you know, as you know, when you're a fat Asian, right, you masturbate a lot.

Yeah.

Right.

And then you also have to do a lot of tugging down there, if I may say.

Cut to Mark Cuban.

Yeah.

Nodding.

And so, and what I realized through time, right, that the skin around, in the shaft area. Droops.
It droops. Oh.
Right. Yeah.
Lori's writing it down. Writing it down, right? Yeah.
Droops. Penis.
So what occurs, you know what I mean, is that the skin engulfs the head. Good word.
Right. That's a good word, right? We'll show a slide of it.
Right, engulf. We just were showing it happening.
Right, and maybe we'll show like in Star Wars, you know, that creature, you know what I mean? That sticks his head out of the dirt sand, you know what I mean? And then we'll put it in reverse. Yeah, maybe reverse.
I don't know, something like that, right? And then we might have to get the rights or something. We'll borrow it.
We'll borrow it, right? We'll borrow it. So you like you guys like cheese yeah yeah we have some samples no i mean gorgonzola yeah and they're like yeah imagine that but 10 times worse oh no yeah around the head of the pp we've got a solution yeah bobby yeah show him what it looks like you'll pull your penis out he'll be wearing the Cosby sweater Right Then Mark Cuban would be like Why the Cosby sweater And then it's like Well it's Fashion Yeah it's fashion It's fashion Mark Cuban Yeah it's There's different We have different eras Yeah that's We have a gold one that's like Sparkly for the 70s Right Disco Right.
Disco. Disco dick.
We even have a Michael Jackson glove. Right.
Michael Jackson glove. Right.
And then we also have, what else do we have? Hip hop. Oh, hip hop.
Yeah, we have hip hop. It's a hoodie.
It's a hoodie. And notice the little chain around the, you know, a gold chain around the, you know, something like that.
Would you think they they'll buy this what do you think uh sharks well by that time is she a shark yeah yeah what do you think sharks sharks what do you think can it have a harry styles you bet we you bet you bet you bet we have harry styles here here he comes out right yeah And he has like a watermelon Like a watermelon sweater Wearing his own So will you buy it? Easy money You don't have to deal with it Because you're in your 30s still Yeah just almost over though But when you're 50 When you're 50 it'll happen i feel like you don't believe me can i show you yeah but rudy can't be in the room yeah get out of the room get out let me see what it looks like when it's hiding bespoke post i love i gave you one of these box of awesome you know what it's a love box of offens awesomes because when you wake up wake up when you open it up and you wake up in the morning and you open up this box, there's stuff in there that makes you just, it's well, it makes you want to live life because there's a lot of stuff that I use and I get surprised. There's funky, fun things in there.
There's knives for Rudy. There's kitchen tools.
I like the bar setup stuff. Scarves.
They. They have tons of stuff, uh, to surprise you with.
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I've never seen that before. Did you see me tuck? I didn't tuck it in there.
Nothing. Nothing.
It's its natural state. You need to go to the doctor about that.
I have a lot of things I have to see the doctor about. There's like six things.
Are we doing your teeth? That's eighth. I thought we got to go back to the dentist soon, no? Yeah, but sorry.
Sorry. It's fine.

Yeah, but I have a list of six things,

so I got to figure it out.

I'm getting older, so I feel like... That's the scariest thing I've ever seen,

I'm not going to lie.

Why? It doesn't hurt.

No, but it looks like it's wrong.

It's definitely wrong.

It's wrong.

It's not right.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like somebody drew it,

and you were like, that's wrong.

Yeah, that's wrong.

Something's wrong.

Yeah, something's definitely wrong there.

I got to untuck.

Yeah, untuck it right now.

Two fingers and pull.

Yeah, pull. I'm going to show you one of my favorite videos on the internet.
Show him. definitely wrong there.
I gotta untuck. Yeah, untuck it right now.
Two fingers and pull. Yeah, pull.

I'm gonna show you one of my favorite videos on the internet.

Show him.

Show him Ferrari.

Look at this guy.

Talk about overcoming adversity.

This guy.

My dear fragrance army, Jeremy Fragrance here, that purchased his Ferrari in cash after being

in a gay relationship that he did not enjoy, after a woman tried to sue him for rape, after his father died, after I was totally destroyed.

And now, Phoenix from the ashes, guys.

Listen to that confluence of events.

I was in a gay relationship I didn't want to be in.

He was accused of rape.

He was sued for rape. Sued for rape.
His dad died. His dad died.
But Phoenix from the Ashes bought a Ferrari. I love this guy.
This guy is unreal. What's going on with his eyes? He had plastic surgery.
Plastic surgery. A lot.
Play it one more time for fun just so I can hear this guy. Hey guys.
My dear fragrance army, Jeremy Fragr that purchased his ferrari in cash after being in a gay relationship that he did not enjoy after a woman tried to sue him after his gay relationship he didn't enjoy so maybe he's not gay i know but he's trying i like maybe he A gay relationship, which I did not enjoy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
After a woman sued me for rape. Right.
Which I did enjoy, probably. That's the context.
That was the context. Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my dad died.
Dad died. We don't know if he enjoyed that or not.
He might have enjoyed his dad's death. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But click on it. He bought a Ferrari.
My father died after I was totally destroyed. Totally destroyed him.
Destroyed. And now, Phoenix from the ashes, guys.

He has a Ferrari.

He's got a fucking Ferrari.

That's amazing.

That's the American dream.

Yeah.

That's the American dream.

Yeah.

What this guy had.

You try a gay relationship, you get sued for rape, your dad dies, you get to buy a Ferrari.

America.

Greatest country on earth.

That's what I do love about this country.

That all that can happen to you? A lot of things like that can happen. That's insane.
That's insane. That is insane.
Yeah. But he's also, you know.
I have to suggest something that I've been watching. There's a show on Netflix, a series called Untold.
Have you seen them? No. Okay.
But I've watched so much shit on Netflix that I don't remember. There's a series called Untold, right, on Netflix.
And there's like one on Caitlyn Jenner. There's one, but there's one called Crime and Penalties.
What is the one about Caitlyn Jenner about? What's Untold? It's amazing. It goes into.
When she killed that woman? No, no. No.
No, it wasn't about the murder? No. It's about her Olympics.
When Bruce was in the Montreal Olympics when she was bruce and he was in the olympic right it was it follows her all all the documentaries follow a sporting event oh right then i would love it you would but there's one called crime and penalties i think is that what it's called crime and penalties oh i saw malice at the palace that's that's untold that's untold as well oh i watched that i didn't know it was untold but this one right here dude yeah is the funniest one who is that i've ever seen it's this kid named aj galante when he was 17 years old his dad was like the head of the mafia right in connecticut and he just decides to buy him a hockey team wait what yeah the dad buys him a hockey team him a hockey team? A hockey team. A pro hockey team? No, there's a league, like the B League.
Sure. Right? But there's a whole, you know, league there.
Oh, I want to watch this. Right? And he starts Googling, like, he doesn't, like, look for, like, stats in terms of how good the players are.
Right. He sees what kind of crimes.
They've committed? Yeah, if they're violent enough. Oh, that's...
Right? That's super smart for hockey. Yeah, right.
So he... So the first match they ever play, his dad, the mafia guy, tells the center four...
I don't know how the positions are. Sure.
As soon as the ref drops the puck, take your gloves off. Start a fight.
And start beating the shit out of the other guy. And like clockwork, beep, throws it down.
It starts to rip fucking chaos. That's amazing.
It's one of the funniest documentaries. But it's real.
Those people are real. He had one guy named The Nigerian Nightmare.
Some guy that was in the NHL, but too violent for the NHL. Right.
I mean, started working somewhere else and then they, I don't know. I don't know the story.
But he just loves to fight. It's so good.
I want to watch this now. You should watch it.
But all these ones, right, are very good. I watched Malice in the Palace.
That was a great one. You didn't see that, did you? I love that one.
I want you to look this up real fast. Yeah.
Actor, pled guilty, 650 million. Who? I got sent this today who this is insane you don't know this man but this article is going to blow your fucking mind actor pleads guilty zachary horowitz has agreed to plead guilty to operating a 650 million dollar ponzi scheme fake netflix and hbo deals he was telling people investors that he had all these deals with netflix and hbo and was fabricating all this fucking information and he acquired 650 million dollars how fucking dumb my god are the people that gave him that kind of money that just shows you rich people will just give other people money if you're if you can sucker them 650 million dollars he's gonna get 20 years in prison and he paid back a quarter of it is what i read yeah if you read the article i hear of like um ponzi schemes or the pyramid schemes all that kind of stuff yeah it breaks my heart especially like old no no no no no he didn't rip off humans he ripped off billion multi-millionaires billionaires oh he didn't rip off like street people yeah but you would think off like street people I'm almost okay with this You fucked the rich It's funny I know but I don't understand how like For me let's say I was a millionaire right And then you were like Let's say I was one You are a millionaire Look at what Bobby Lee is worth That's not a real thing Yes it is look at what I'm worth Do what Bobby Lee net worth.
That's not a real thing. Yes, it is.
Look at what I'm worth.

Okay.

Do what Bobby Lee net worth.

Sorry, I got distracted with a little something that actually affects the bad friend's family.

What?

Andres worked for this guy.

What?

Fancy B worked for this guy?

Wait a fucking minute.

Wait a minute.

Dude, I have to call the Fance.

He might be on an airplane right now, but hopefully he's landed.

Holy shit, George. Please answer, Fance.
fucking minute dude i have to call the fans he might be on an airplane right now but hopefully he's landed holy shit george please answer fans the devil below he produced that movie that fancy did we promoted that on this show oh wow oh fans be off a plane fancy please damn it damn it fuck oh my god fancy worked for this guy so can we trust fancy wait but did the guy come up with money to do it bob he would go to people and lie and be like i've got a netflix deal for you know a six picture deal for so and so so and so i need third-party investor funding for these movies and you'll get a percentage kickback like a hollywood producer yeah these guys gave him all this money and he would use the ponzi scheme he would use their money to fund other lies but what i'm saying is is that with he is he pocketing the money and not doing anything with it or is he doing a couple of productions to make it seem like no no he it seems like he did set up a production house and did one thing with him that's what i'm saying so he did so he did a thing so it looks legit on right right but what you do is just push the money around you go from one you push the money from this project right yeah but in the meantime he's buying mansions and ferraris and that was him by the way that was yeah that was the same guy yeah but what i don't get about these because enron was like that too that what the ponzi scheme in enron yeah but they were yeah they you know i don't know what they call it but they would say that the company is worth this much uh it's like almost future predictions yeah they would inflate their numbers right right so it's like next year you know i mean this is what we're going to be worth seven billion right and they didn't actually come up with anything they just kept right doing this that's for the market and then it for the market and then they obviously crashed right and it's um well then and those other people they pulled

out all their stocks and stuff like that no but like a lot of people got fucked like you know

fuck i mean but i just don't mind it when you do this to the rich i think this is funny dude

yeah go back you tell me he got that many people to give him 650 million look at this

he horowitz acknowledged that he has failed to pay he's so many people to give him $650 million. Look at this.

Horowitz acknowledged that he has failed to pay.

So he's paid all back but $231 million.

So he only owes $231 million.

Not bad.

You can probably scrounge that up somehow.

My favorite quote from one of these articles is one of his friends said,

I did not think he was smart enough to do this.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

How much time is he getting?

20 years made.

Faces up to 20 years.

You know what that means?

What?

Nothing.

He'll serve nothing.

Yeah, but what I would do is,

I would say,

because when you're starting a Ponzi scheme like this,

you know inevitably it's going to crash.

Of course.

It's going to catch up to you.

Well, yeah.

Right?

So the smart guy,

what I would have done is-

Should we do one?

Yeah, think about it though.

We take, right, and we stash liquid into cash yeah we bury the shit it like physically bury it yeah and then you and i know we're gonna get 10 years in prison yeah and then when we get out we fucking uncover it we'll get we'll get the cash that we how are we gonna get all that cash out what do we get it out like how are you gonna get out like 20 million from the or 231 million're not going to walk you out of there with that kind of money. No, no, no.
But can't you get like- Like if I had 251 millions in the bank, right? I can't get 30 million? You could, but they would cause a thing. It'd be a big thing.
Why? Because they'd be curious as to why you want 30 million in cash. They would probably alert internet.
They'd probably alert- What's the internet? Interpol? Because they'd'd be like this guy might be skipping the country okay can you skip can you can you set up some sort of fake charity or something that you can go to that we could do yeah right let's set one up so you have a limp leg you've had one for years you've had one for years we have a charity for you and you limp leg for good old limp leg called rudy's sunrise rudy's charity rudy sunrise charity right right and then get a Charity Rudy's Sunrise Charity Right And then Get a leg up Get a leg up Is our quotation Yeah That's our phrase Yeah Our catchphrase So Rudy's Sunrise Get a leg up Donations are gonna go To fix her limp legs So please send To the name right here We'll put a You can dance with one leg What? You can still dance with one leg Maybe I don't know Let's move on Get a leg up No Let's fight between Let's stick with mine No You can still dance with one leg maybe i know let's move on get a leg up let's fight between let's stick with mine no you can still dance with one leg all right it'll be rudy sunrise yeah you can still dance with one leg but get a leg up on it that's it got it combine my quote with your quote so that i can feel like i'm contributing all right fine all right you named it rudy sunrise i know all right well here we're here to put Kyron right here, something to donate. Please donate to the Rudy Sunrise Foundation.

Right, so then, but, so, is there a way, do you know the right guy that can funnel all

that and make that happen?

Of course.

So then, can we liquid it in the cash?

Mm-hmm.

All right, we bury it.

Where are we going to bury it?

Well, we can't tell these fucking people, then they'll know.

But this is just mock.

All right, then we'll fake it.

We'll fake it.

So where will we do it?

Where's, like, a smart place to bury money?

I know where.

Chula Vista.

No.

Where?

We go to the Philippines.

Oh, yes.

We go to the Philippines because, you know, they have 6,000 islands.

We got to find it.

We can go to Tartarte.

Tartarte.

Is that the name?

Tartarte.

Yeah.

And go, you like money.

I do, I do.

Right? And we go, we'll money? Mm-hmm. I do, I do.
Right?

And we go, we'll give you five million in cash.

Can we buy a small island?

Is that how much islands cost?

I don't know.

We don't know.

How much do islands cost in the Philippines?

Yeah.

Five million seems like a fuckload of money for the Philippines.

It's an island, though.

Dude, but how much land is really there?

A million.

I would say a million.

Islands for sale in the Philippines. There you go.
Let's buy one right now. Yeah.
There's got to be one on sale. Look at those.
Beautiful. Wow.
Dow Island. How much is that? Dow.
Can we buy Dow? I want to buy Dow. 49, 47 acres.
How much? Wait, that says 117 acres. How come they're not going to tell you? They're going to tell you.
It says inquire now top right. Yeah, you'd have to ask.
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, we get that island.
What a beautiful island. That's ours.
Right? And then in the center of that, we bury it. Okay, but how do we keep the money safe while we're gone? Oh, she lives there now.
We built her a little hut with her knives. This is a knife wall.
Right? This sounds like the actual preemptive beginning of Bottoms of Turtle Island. That's what it is.
The prequel. This is the prequel of Bottoms.
And she, we were going there to get our money back and she wouldn't let us. She died protecting our money.
How about this? We're in prison. Of course.
Right. Yeah.
We built our little shack. You'll have a pool and you'll have all that, all the trimmings.
Right. In this in this shack.
And you're bored. You have dogs, obviously, because you get bored.
And one of the dogs is missing. Let's say Julio's missing.
Nightmare. You're going, Julio.
And in the distance, you hear him barking. That's more of a duck.
Yeah, that was. Dogs don't do that.
Dogs don't do that. Yeah, but Julio does.
Quack, quack, quack, quack. Right? So you're, and then he finds, right? What Julio finds is a fucking one, what do you call it? A tombstone.
Mm-hmm. But with some ancient writing on it.
What language? In not Egyptian. Oh.
So it makes it weird. Yeah, very weird.
Very out of place. There's even an Egyptian figure.
Breakdancer? No. Oh.
You know how they... Yeah.
What is this? Stupid. No, no, no.
It's stupid. No.
But a little chiroglyphic. Chiroglyphics.
Is that what they call it? Hieroglyphics. Hieroglyphic.
Hieroglyic hieroglyphic hieroglyphic there it is they have one like this

yeah

on there right

serving food

some Egyptian thing

right

right

but in the thing

right

the hand

sticking out of the tombstone

this figure

right

this one

if you push it down

there's a lever

right

and there's a spiral staircase

that opens

you walk all the way down there

right

and that's

maybe one of the portals

to hell

Thank you. right and there's a spiral staircase that opens you walk all the way down there right and that's maybe one of the portals to hell oh shit right and there's even a sign portal to hell yeah it's pretty on the right right just so that the people watching the movie but what language in english just to make it in english so that we don't have to do subtitles.
The good one. Right, right.
That makes sense. Portal to hell, right? You go inside that.
It changes you. Forever.
We get out of prison. We ring your cell phone.
What the fuck? Where the fuck is she? Yeah. We're trying to get our fucking money.
$30 million hidden in that fucking stupid Dow. Pick up, Rudy.
Pick up. Dow Island, right? Uh-huh.
We go. We go into the shack.
All we see is skeletons of our dogs yeah julio's maybe barely still alive going she ate half of julio yeah so half of him is dead maybe yeah maybe he's barely alive wow he's trying to tell us she's a demon she's a demon yeah she's a demon that's a parrot doing that is that what it is yeah we will have a parrot then he's a demon forget julio's a parrot now she's a demon she's a demon she's a demon yeah and we were like bad rudy bad rudy yeah yeah bad rudy right right and we're going something bad but we don't even what did she do we don't even give the parrot the fucking acknowledgement that he said it we just go i think something bad's going on she's a demon something bad something bad he's a demon i think something bad we never acknowledge the parrot where are all the dogs that were here she ate him she ate him yeah yeah yeah so then giving us all the hints right portal to hell portal to hell yeah right and then is there a little mountain yeah there's a little in the center there's a little hill yeah right you get You make it up the hill In five minutes It takes me 24 hours

Because I'm fat

For sure

Right

Physical

So you're like

Constantly going

Come on dude

Like Sisyphus

I have to push you up

Yeah I see

I see a thing here

You know what I mean

An empty

You know

And I barely

I finally get up there

24 hours later

And then what happens

You push me in

I push you in the portal to hell

Right

And that's where

Is that part two

Or what's going on here

I have no idea

Are we rewriting

Yeah we have to

Thank you. You push me in.
I push you in the portal to hell. Right.
And that's where... Is that part two or what's going on here? I have no idea.
Are we rewriting? Yeah, we have to. Yeah, we're right.
We've gone so far. So far, yeah.
But I push you in the portal to hell. That's the beginning of the film.
But when do we set each other's dick? And that's the vignette. I want to know in this group.
Right before I push you in the portal to hell. No, way before.
As you're blowing me. When we got out of prison.
Right when I come, I push you in the portal of hell No way before As you're blowing When we got out of prison Right when I come I push you in the portal of hell We get out of prison The same day Right Before we go to Dow Island We didn't do any gay shit In prison But we do right when we get out We're different They don't want to It's in the same prison The moment we get out Right On the taxi ride home And I learned so much there Like in my prison Because you were a toy I. Yeah, you were a little toy.
I learned how to do 19 dicks at a time.

I know how to jerk somebody off with my feet.

You know what I mean?

Like I am a master.

Yeah.

And you became a Christian.

Big time.

Yeah, so you never did anything.

Jesus Christ.

So we call each other after we get out of prison and go, you're like, let's go to Dow

I.

I go, no, let's go to the Hilton.

No, I want to go to Dow I.

No, let's go to the Hilton.

No, I want to go to Dow I. I need to say i don't you think we should we should catch up okay there we go thank you we meet at the hilton yeah and you think there's two rooms yeah i go um no i just thought because you know we could talk all night i got two different beds sure good they're I know.
I did that. Why? Because I want to talk and I have a bad earring.
Oh, that makes sense. Right, right, right.
And then... Why are your clothes off? Because, you know...
Well, I want to fuck. I guess that's the giveaway.
Yeah, that's the dad giveaway. Yeah, I want to fuck.
Which is fine, but why is your penis head covered? Oh, because I'm 50. Yeah.
Just push

hard. I don't want that in the movie.
You don't want

your penis head... I don't want my penis...

That's hilarious. I don't want my penis head in the movie.

How could we not put that in the movie?

Because I want to play younger in the movie.

You're not going to be able to, bud.

What does it matter? You don't like the cheese

smell? That's exactly why. I don't

want that. Alright.
I want to clean it up. Anyway.
anyway okay let's call bobby lee real fast then we gotta go uh hello can you hear me can you what yeah yeah i can hear you what's up bobby lee bobby lee yes yes yes this is speaking um sorry that was a weird intro i was just talking to a dude Very very dark topic So I'm like on a curve right now What was the dark topic Cancer stuff Like your brain stuff We love cancer We love cancer Love cancer I'm going on an ayahuasca trip So that was the great news actually Nice I see Bobby Lee you're talking You're talking to to Bobby Lee. You're talking to Bobby Lee.
This is amazing. This is, uh, Bobby Lee, Bobby Lee.
Now, did you, now, did you know about me as Bobby Lee before? Have you ever, did you know there was another Bobby Lee out there? That was a comedian. Oh, I've known about you for like 20 years or longer, not 20 years but like 10 years.
2008, back in Pineapple Express. I was a fan.
But let me say this, were you a fan? Did you really like him or were you just whatever? Well, it's cool. It's so cool.
There's only however many names in the world and I'm I'm sharing it with them, so that's different. And I'm a huge fan of yours as well.
He's a big MMA fan. So, Bobby, what's your record now in the MMA? My record in professional fighting is 12 and 6.
What about street fights? Street fights? Ooh.

Technically, like, only

1 and 0, but there was like

a couple of stuff. That's great.
Bobby Lee, we

support you wholeheartedly as

your career continues. We're thinking about sponsoring you.

Yeah, Bobby. We think you're

the man. We love your name.

And maybe we can

throw him some bad friend stuff so he can wear bad friend

stuff into the ring. We would love to do that.
I think that would be the way

to do it. Where do you live right now, Bobby?

I'm in Minneapolis. I moved down just

Thank you. And maybe we can throw him some bad friend stuff so he can wear bad friend stuff into the ring.
We would love to do that. I think that would be the way to do it.
Where do you live right now, Bobby? I'm in Minneapolis. I moved down just this week to be closer to this really good gym.
Oh, cool. You know, I used to live in Edina.
That's crazy. I did not know that.
Yeah. When's your next fight, Bob? It's six weeks out.
It's October 16th in Phoenix. October 16th in Phoenix.
Watch out for Bobby Lee. He's fighting.
Who are you fighting? Nick Brown. Nick Brown.
What weight class are you? 155, lightweight. 155.
Amazing. Bobby Lee versus Nick Brown, October 16th.
My birthday, by the way, which I'm excited for for you. So go kick his ass, Bobby.
Thank you for talking to us. We support you, man.
We support you, man. I have to shout out to a friend who's listened to every single one of your episodes.
Austin Halverson has listened to every single one of your episodes. He's a huge fan.
Shout out. Shout out to Austin.
Austin, thank you. You knew my name.
Fuck yeah. Thanks, man.
All right, Bobby. We'll talk to you soon.

Thanks, buddy.

Have a good one.

Bye.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye. Thank you.
Woo-hoo Yeah

Woo-hoo

Yeah