Jake Paul Plays Volleyball & Our Worst Episode Ever

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Who's back from Hawaii? Who's back from spending too much time on it? She partied hard over there too.
You did, dude. I heard you raged, huh? Partied hard, huh? Yeah, tough guy.
Huh? Who's a tough guy? Did you get tan, tough guy? Yeah her superwoman superwoman soul brown wow you had some fun i saw on the internet how much fun you had yeah did you love hawaii or what i want to move there you want to move to hawaii what job are you going to get in Hawaii? Yeah. I don't know.

A lifeguard.

Oh, they pay well.

Oh, they do.

You can buy a house with a lifeguard.

You can buy anything you want if you're a lifeguard.

Can you save people?

I'll try.

You'll try.

You'll try.

Look at this.

What's this?

This is Jules at the party.

Someone sent this.

This was at the party in Hawaii.

Everyone's having a good time.

And Rudy Jules.

First of all, who the fuck

sleeps like that? That's insane.

Yeah, to sleep like that.

Do you always sleep like that on your stomach?

Yeah, I like it. Really?

Is it like a thing you did when you were a little kid or something?

When you were like a baby maybe? Maybe.

You've always slept that way? Maybe in the before life you were a little kid or something? When you were like a baby maybe? Maybe. You've always slept that way.

Maybe in the before life, you were a turtle.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That's why you want to move to Hawaii.

What did you do?

You went deep sea scuba surfing?

You guys saved a turtle, no?

You saved a turtle?

They served a turtle.

We saw a monk seal, dolphins, and kept... Was it meditating? How do you know it's a monk? Because I think Hala said.
Was there a temple? I mean, I don't... There was a Buddha.
He was like, Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah.
So they're called monk seals? Yeah. I wonder why.
Are they peaceful? Yeah, they are. They're very peaceful.
Is that what it is? They don't fight. They used to used to be violent the regular seals are violent and monk seals don't they have no violence whatsoever they're buddhists wait there's a video there was a video of you online where you went diving and you stayed underwater for like a good two minutes no that's what it looked like yeah you can hold your breath for a long time i was actually surprised and then you went kind of in a little cave.
Was that scary? No. See, that would give me so much panic.
No, but Kalilah and them, they're real sea people. Well, yeah, they're the islands.
They're island folk. No, even beyond that, I think genetically they're just sea people.
You think you were born in the sea? Yeah. I'm a land guy for sure.
Without a doubt. Without a doubt, I'm a land guy.
You're a land. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Deep land.
Deep high land. Not even high land.
You should move to the highlands. Maybe.
You don't like the water. No, but they've made me go in there before.
Do you go, do you dive down? I try. What I'll do is I'll go, I'm going to do it.
And then when I see them at the bottom, I'm already back in the car. So I'll go deep.
Yeah. Deep.
They're in the bottom. I'm in back in the car you're in so i'll go deep yeah deep they're in the bottom i'm in the car playing some game on my phone yeah yeah that reminded me when you when you dove down and you were it was like in slow motion it made me it reminded me of or made me feel how long the guy an octopus teacher used to hold his breath for.
You watched that, didn't you? Yeah.

And then two nights in a row,

I ate octopus.

Good.

It makes it tastier.

It makes it tastier.

It's so good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We went to the Korean barbecue place

that you suggested

and we had...

No, did you go to Chosan?

Yeah, we did.

And we had two kinds of octopus

and then,

because I was with my friend Emmy,

you know Emmy?

Yeah.

Yeah, from the movie.

You remember Emmy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She asked for this thing. It's like an octopus potato pancake.
You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know the name of it.
But do you know what? Have you ever had that? Wow. Did you like that Korean restaurant? It was so good.
Did you like that Korean restaurant? Yeah, what are you talking about? It was so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Korean barbecue is genuinely. One of the best.
Up there of my favorite meals. Really? Oh, yeah, dude.
Yeah really oh yeah yeah thank you because I just I love I love that they tell you what different kinds of meat and she cooks it at different temperatures yeah thank you finally the only thing I don't like is the people is the people the people are annoying no the only thing I didn't like of all the Korean stuff was I don't like the the macaroni salad

the side bowl. Why? I don't like mayonnaise.
Okay. Yucky.
But they bring out a bunch of different plates, no? I know. The kimchi was good.
Yeah, yeah. The pickles, the spicy pickles.
Yeah. Oh, that stuff was so good.
I love Korean barbecue i do too take me whenever i see um and i maybe you can take this the wrong way but um take it the truth this is that if i see a like like that the movie the cove where the dolphins are being slaughtered in that bay yeah i get hungry for dolphin dolphin it's fin soup. It's really weird.

It's like, I get hungry.

Yeah.

Look at all that.

Look at all that.

You could just put that into a soup.

You scoop it from the bay.

Right.

Boil it right there.

Or you learn how to cut a hole.

It really is sad.

Have you seen that documentary?

It's not that sad.

No, it's pretty sad.

It's really sad.

But you know what?

I don't like hurting dolphins.

But here's my argument, though. But you can hurt a lot of other things.
When they say dolphins are the smartest sea mammals. They are.
Right? They have sex for fun. Then why? Like, for me, it's like, if I'm swimming into a bay, and it's blood, there's blood, I'm going the other direction.
Like, it's like walking down an alleyway, and you see blood in an alleyway. You see a guy getting stabbed.
Yeah, would you not? And he's like, go the other way. Yeah.
Just keep walking towards him. Would you walk the other way? 100%.
So how bright are they, really? Well, they're going to save their friend. They want to know, is he okay? Yeah.
Can they do a different noise? Yeah, I don't like the... Yeah, do a different noise.
Yo. What do you want him to sound like? Don't make it urban.
Hey, man. Why is that urban? All right.
Hey, man. Maybe they won't.
Hey, man, that hurts, dog. Hey.
Wait, what's that dog? See, don't add dog. It's a dog doing it.
A dog is killing you. Yeah, that's why I said it.
Hey, man. Yeah.
I don't know. They do need a different noise.
Do your dolphin. That's really good.
Wow, that was really good. Guess what? Don't laugh.
Who'd you swim with? Dolphins. What? Yeah.
You swam with dolphins? And there was a baby. Could you stand on their nose? Can they push your feet, right? Isn't that what they do? Yeah, but we didn't do that.
I did that in Mexico one time. Yeah.
I mean, I don't swim with them. You know what I do? Yeah.
I ride them. You get on top? Oh, yeah, they let me.
They'll stop, right, and I'll get on their back, right? Did you do? What? In the blowhole? Well, that's how I get locked into the seat. You ride it yeah you gotta lock in yeah yeah i get locked in yeah but dolphins are fun to ride but anyway wait wait tell me how you rode did you hold on to the fins yeah you held on to the fins and it's two dolphins right in mexico i know this was illegal i know this was wrong in cabo one time or Port Vallarta, wherever we were, the guy was like, he's like, okay, he push with your foot.
You put your foot on his, no, he push you. And I was like, oh, really? Is that, that's not going to hurt? And he's like, no, it's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
Yeah. And then I slammed my foot like against its face.
Why? No, no, no. Not on purpose.
Yeah. But like to like get in there in there yeah imagine a pale red foot being pressed against your face how insulting oh by the way and then what i had to put out all this sunscreen and the dude was like no you can't get it in the water it's bad for the dolphin and i was like i have to have it he's like no no maybe a little bit and i was like okay like 10 minutes yeah yeah then i get, yeah.
Then I get in. He's like, oh, he's bad.
And as soon as I get in, you know, the oil, you can see it pool on the top of the water. Yeah.
And he was like, he's going to kill the dolphin. He's going to die.
Yeah. So he's dead now, dude.
I killed a dolphin. I rode him on the nose and then I dipped my shit in there and now he's dead.
Let's be more positive. Sorry.
He's alive. Good.
Nah, he's dead, dude.

He went to the cove.

Yeah, I drank my...

Well, I have a story that people don't believe that I did because they think, oh, how dumb

are you?

Right?

But that's why I'm afraid to tell the story because it doesn't seem like it's real.

What did you do?

So I was with Kalilah and we were in a Hawaiian trip, but then we ran into...

Thank you. It doesn't seem like it's real.
What did you do? So I was with Kalilah, and we were in a Hawaiian trip, but then we ran into a school of jellyfish.

So then I had bumps from the top of my head down to my feet.

Wait, you swam into it?

Yeah.

You didn't see it?

Well, they're translucent.

It's a school.

You can see a lot of them.

I don't open my eyes when I'm in the water. You don't? No, I'm like, you know, I get scared.
Do you open your eyes underwater? Yeah, we wear a mask. Yeah, I didn't wear a mask.
Oh, you just, what? I was just like, you know what I mean? Oh. You know, and we, but everyone ran into them.
Like you, Carlisle? Everyone, right? Yeah. So we were with these two white dudes, and they're like ocean photographers.
Mm-hmm. You know the like the ones with the with the abs the hot guys that's what i wanted to say yeah hot guys it's sexy hot guys like surfer bros right so we were all standing around they're like i go i i'm so itchy like we're all itchy dude just urine right you have to pee on yourself but i didn't know so what they they pulled their dicks out these guys yeah and they started peeing into a cup drink it well that's what happened so i so what happened was no yes no so i go oh i'm not gonna do it with you guys i'm just gonna go behind so i went behind like a tree and i peed in the thing and then i drank it no and then when I came back saw them putting it on their body and I go oh it goes on the body and they're like what did you do with it I go and now that came out so I didn't do it it's in the body you drank your own pee I told that story on stage and no one believed me I mean I believe it knowing you I believe it.
Knowing you, I believe it. You believe it? Yeah.
Okay. Yeah, right away.
Good, good, good. Yeah.
I saw someone get out of the water with a jellyfish sting and it was so bad one time. It was huge.
It like welted up their body. You're lucky you didn't get...
Well, the manta ray. What's the big one called? Manta ray is a stingray.
Not a manta ray. There's a big one called the...
Box jellyfish can kill you, I think. Not a box one.
There's one called with an M. Look it up.
No. Yeah, yeah.
Paul Manafort. Yeah, that's him.
What's it? Yeah, Paul Manafort. Paul Manafort.
You know him. Yeah.
Jellyfish. Jellyfish M.
M jellyfish. What? Oh, man o' war.
Man o' war. Oh, yeah.
The man o' war. That's what I's what I'm thinking, the Man of War.
Portuguese. Now click on that image.
Look at how beautiful that is. I feel like you die from that.
It's cool. No, that one, you'll die.
Well, they call it a Man of War for... You should throw that in war at people.
I don't know. Why do they call it that? But it sounds scary.
Why do they call it Man of War? That is beautiful. Look at the colors in that thing.
It's beautiful. But if you touch that, you'll die.
Right, Rude? Don't you like

that? Well, no, if you touch the stingers.

If you touch the up top itself, it's not that

bad if the stingers get you. You know what that looks

like to me? Donald Trump's

penis. I always thought

that Donald Trump's penis was

translucent like that. Looks like a Man of War? Yeah, yeah.
By the way, he would

take that and spin that. He'd go, of course it is.
Man of War's

most powerful jellyfish. Just like my powerful penis.
Most powerful powerful penis most powerful penis you why is it called it that yeah yeah yeah type why is it called man of war it is very beautiful the colors of the purple and the blue how beautiful that's what they say right like the most poisonous things are the prettiest uh it gets its name from the uppermost polyp a gas-filled bladder or Pneumata Is it dangerous man? The part that sits above the water

It literally It gets its name from the uppermost polyp, a gas-filled bladder, or pneumata. Is it dangerous, man? The part that sits above the water resembles an old warship.
It looks like an old warship. Oh.
That's cool. That's pretty cool.
But is it dangerous? The tentacles are the man of war's second organism. Sting is rarely deadly to people.
No, see, it's not. Most deadly jellyfish.
Most deadly jellyfish. I want to know which one that there it is the box see yeah the box is the one that kills you instantaneously it does yeah man look at that uh the stink from a box office could be enough to send you to davy jones's locker a watery grave wow that's in that's these things are so these things are so deadly that they say most people die from a small little sting yeah but it looks deep in the water though well they'll come no it'll come up i mean yeah it usually goes down look at its eyes little eyeballs huh so wait a minute time out though back it up you spent all that time in Hawaii, what did you do? minute.
Time out, though. Back it up.
You spent all that time

in Hawaii. What did

you do? You were gone for so long.

Diving, snorkeling.

Every day, just diving

and snorkeling. And

spearfishing.

Yeah, you guys love spearfishing.

And guess what you did? What'd you do? I got

three fishes.

What kind? Spe spearfisher three.

Wait, what are they called?

Coles.

Coles?

Yeah.

What is a cole?

What is that?

You can just search it up, but it's like a small one.

Cole fish.

Oh, like that.

They look so cute and you killed that guy?

Yeah.

Did you eat them?

Yeah.

Was he good?

Really good.

Yeah, really good.

They look...

He's the cutest sea creature. What is it? On Pete so he can pull it up.
Spider shell eyes. Spider shell eyes? Yeah.
There's a shell right there, right? Not that one. How cute.
It's just shell and a little eyeballs come up bro how fucking cute what does it look like look what it looks like outside of its shell you know i don't want to i don't want to i just care what it looks like outside of the shell no i like it in the shell do spiders like there no do outside of shell we eat that you do why look at how cute There you are. You can't eat Why? It's good.
Look at how cute they are. You can't eat them with their little eyes out there.
What? It's like a conch shell. It's a conch shell, but they have little eyes coming out of there.
I know, but I want to see the man inside. It's probably just eyes.
That's it? It's just eyes? Just two floating eyes? Two eyes, maybe. No body attached to it? So you eat? Are eat are they good yeah really good yeah what you in the philippines really yeah so how you crack them open and then they're like no you use like a needle and then you stab ew dude oh that's the spider shell that's what they look like is that what they look like what is it called the thing that we're looking for it's not it's not spider shell.
Just look at the eyes. Just focus on the eyes and forget what the body looks like.
That is cute. Imagine you're just walking along the beach.
You see a shell. And you see the two little eyes sticking out there.
You wouldn't eat it. Well, these savages.
I know, but they're savages, man. Time out.
Yeah. Let's say goodbye, goodnight, farewell, adieu to the wonderful, incredible, amazingly talented Ed Asner.
Yeah. He's gone.
Do you know who that is? The actor from Up. Do you see my photo with him? Yeah.
You did the thing that I hate when people do when they post a photo when somebody dies, you ever gave a shit. Stop.
So annoying.

Here's a guy who died

in me. Hey, this guy

died and I'm also here.

So annoying.

What I do is annoying? It's so annoying

when someone posts a photo of the guy that just died

like they were best buds.

But can I...

Would you have ever posted that photo if he didn't die?

No, you're holding on to the photo until he dies. No no stop stop that's dead stuff stop the way the reason why i got the fucking photo right yeah okay there we go there's the photo bobby with with dead ed okay so did the reason why i got the photo this photo is off of my twitter uh so i had already posted it.
Sure. And I screenshot it and repost it.

Yeah.

That's number one.

Okay.

Number two, that wasn't my only encounter with the man.

When did you, how did you see Ed again?

I saw him before this.

When?

So one day I get a call from the Country Music channel.

CMT.

CMT.

Listen here, little Colerian boy.

CMT goes, we're trying to do sitcoms.

How about you, Tom Arnold, and ed asner perfect brothers just three brothers but but three men and a baby so we were in a hardware store okay and ed asner i were i'm i have an accent in it this is back in the day when they made me just do accents yeah i don't is Poshio or whatever my name was. Which you love, by the way.
I love it. Yeah.
So they had, we only did a pilot, but the storylines with me and Ed were like him and I would do like, they wanted to do it edgy. So him and I would do a cocaine run and we're late to work.
That's awesome. Yeah.
I mean, in this hardware store. So I worked with him for three weeks on that.
Wow. And then I did that talk tom green so i feel like i did know him did he ever say anything or reach out to you ever again no he didn't give a shit about it but can i but can i say this who no booby lou stop who's booby lou can i say can i stop i don't like booby lou stop Stop, stop, stop.
Do I know him?

But.

Oh, that little noodle?

Will you stop?

That little noodle, Booby Lou?

Yeah, no, no, no.

I like him.

He's good.

He knew, but he.

I love Booby Lou.

That dirty little noodle.

He remembered my foot.

What?

So there we go.

Remembered your foot? He remembered. How disgusting your foot.
That? So there we go. Remembered your foot?

He remembered.

How disgusting your foot. That my left foot was fungi.

Yeah.

So when I did the pilot, he knew, right?

And then when I did Tom Green's show with him.

He remembered.

He remembered the foot.

And in the show, he goes, get that fucking foot away from me.

I love that, dude.

Okay.

And then afterwards, we went to Smokehouse. Love Smoke's my you know and he had beef stroganoff so am i allowed to fucking post a photo no well still no never then so if i if i died would you post a photo i would post i would immediately post something and write looking for a new co-host of bad friends asap i don't think you would yes i That's ridiculous.
I would immediately post something and write, looking for a new co-host of Bad Friends ASAP. I don't think you would.
Yes, I would. That's ridiculous.
That would be my homage to you. No.
What would I do? Post all the photos we have together on my phone? That's insane. I would post a photo of you, and just underneath my caption would be Endgame.
Endgame? Yeah. That's it? Yeah.
That's what you? And the RIP Bad Friends. Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah. But honestly, rest in peace to ed asner you of course you could post the photo it actually was so cute and heartfelt and sweet to to know that he was a big comedy fan a bunch of people have said he was big in the comedy like knew a bunch of he loves it um and also i saw this video that i wanted to show this is the best ed asner send-off that i've ever seen okay go ahead no go ahead look this is perfect his his nephew i think grandson posted this i literally just saw it pop up today and it made me laugh so fucking hard that's sad look at that oh you have any any choice words to say fuck you you want to say it again fuck you i love you too I love you too what a cool guy that's what I like about him yeah fuck you he's that guy yeah he is Ship Station oh my god without Ship Station we wouldn't be able to get our merch out to you guys how would we get the gears to you guys yeah but because of Ship Station we rely we rely on this company yeah man to get our precious merchandise to you and your loved ones.

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Oh, up, dude, dude. Up is the, it made me cry so hard.
That montage scene? You mean, you're talking, the vignette at the beginning. The montage.
They don't call it a vignette. It's called a vignette.
It's a montage. It's a vignette.

Google it.

Montage is a compilation of scenes.

A series of scenes.

Yeah.

A vignette is what?

A vignette is something that's good.

It starts the film.

It's a little vignette.

A little small slice.

A brief.

But what I'm saying though is.

Look, a vignette.

It was a small vignette.

What I'm saying though is a montage, right? Is a bunch of scenes. A vignette is one singing.
The up... Can I tell you something? Yeah.
We're both wrong. Can I just defend my point, though? But we're both wrong.
There was a montage in that vignette, but it's a vignette. No, no, no.
I know what you just did. I know what you just did.
Hello. If it's a montage, go fuck yourself.
No, no, no. Because it's a vignette.
I know what you just did.

I know what you just did.

Hello.

If it's a montage,

go fuck yourself.

No, no, no.

Because it's a bunch of scenes,

right,

through their life,

right? Yeah, but a montage.

Which makes it a montage.

No, no.

There was a montage

in that little short film.

That was a short film up top.

Yeah.

It's not a short film.

It was a short.

It was a short.

It was a part of the fucking movie.

It's not like the movie,

like there was a short film

and then the movie started. That's why it was a little vignette movie it's not like the movie like there was a short film and then the movie started that's why it's a it was a little vignette i won that one i can't believe it no no there's a montage in that in that anyway whatever it is that thing the vignette the montage was incredible is incredible the montage is a hotel it's a minute the vignette is a thing that vignette is like a sauce that you go on salad So far off The vinegar you're talking about? I don't know I don't know But what I'm saying though It made me cry Can we just go with the thing that the point was The point was It made me cry It was an emotional little journey The most emotional vignette I've ever seen The.
The best montage ever. The best vignette I've seen in a film.
It made me cry. Yeah, yeah.
Rest in peace, Ed Asner. Fuck that.
No, I love it. Whoa! What the fuck? Rest in peace, but let's go back to the montage vignette.
You fans, right? Let's do a fucking poll. Is that opening thing a vignette or a montage? We would have to ask Fancy.
He'd be the only one that would know. These people, they're not film students.
See how denigrated and how he looks down to you people? A word that you don't know. Right? See how denigrating and how he looks down to people.
So what does denigrated mean? Putting down. Ripping apart.
Pushing down. Listen, okay? See how denigrated he is to you? All right.
So you heard it. You heard that somewhere on the radio.
No on the radio See what you're doing right now? You hear words and then you take them here Because I know you can't do them anywhere else Can you imagine on stage Bobby being like, when Bobby was a little boy He was denigrated by his neighbor Can you imagine doing your set And using big words? If you did your stand up And used big words, it made me laugh so hard it's so sad that when you're wrong you have to attack in that way it's so you using big words sad by the way that's a comedy i'm gonna pick yeah you just using big words okay stop all right that's funny to you jules you're grounded now listen oh what the fuck she'll go back to hawai. She doesn't care.
She doesn't care. Rest in peace, Ed Asner.
We love you. We love you, man.
I'm so jealous that you got to work with that fucking guy. Even if it was a shitty pilot.
There's only a group of guys of actors that I want to work with because I think they're cool or funny. What do you mean? You said it was shitty.
I know, but don't say it like that. It was a shitty't shitty Did it go? It didn't go It was shitty Yeah who's You think the country music station Is gonna pick up a show With me, Tom Arnold And Ed Esner? Yep That seems like a home run It does It seems like I would buy that in a second Yeah What shows are on CMT by the way? What's the I think it's dead now The network's dead it is yeah there's no more cmt how could that be country music channel's huge no dude nashville look at that that was a big show is cmt still around as a network is cmt a network i i gotta be or well just someone bought it maybe and they just own it wow what as of january 2018 approximately 92 million u.s homes receive cmt that's a fuckload yeah it's still around 92 million people have cmt that means it's canceled country music is fun go back real fast okay zoom in and let's just try to guess what these shows are about this is how little we'll know zoom in more more.
What's Nashville about, Jules? Do you know? Rich people. That's it.
Say no more. You got it.
Dude Perfect. Oh, that's got to be new because you know who those guys are? You know those guys.
Dude Perfect. They throw a basketball off the wall and kick a fucking golf ball through a hole.
No, no, no. Okay, what's Sun Records? What's that about? Go ahead.
I bet you it's a lot like Music City. Sun Records was a historical record company.
Let her tell the show. Sorry.
It's about teenagers trying to be singers. Yep.
And what's Music City about? Get ready. It's going to be a similar log line.
It's about adults trying to be singers. What's Broken Skull about? Come on, let's go three for three here.
Gangsters. Gangsters.
Such an easier joke there. The easy joke would have been ex-inmates trying to be singers.
Come on, come on. Gangsters trying to be singers.
Thank you. Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.
What's wrong with you? I'm on one today. I know.
You're hyperactive. My leg is killing me.
Is that what happened? My sciatica is going nuts. Did you sleep good last night? A little bit.
I was thinking about you last night. Like what? Because of yesterday.
We can't tell anybody what happened yesterday. Let's talk about it about a little bit we can so yesterday me and andrew showed up here exhaust both of us exhausted for some reason well i would shoot an all fucking day i'm so tired and we turned the cameras on and fancy fancy sat there and turned them right off yeah are we going to use some of that let's cut to it right now let's introduce today's Rudy only out of default yeah because we tried to find somebody but we couldn't we should ask the little one again we should but instead we got in house this is like reusing something this is like like uh you know i was what you know i was watching um america's got talent today some reruns and i thought to myself andreas he looks like a ventriloquist like the dummy or the person that does the guy that does it like a guy that would like focus all his attention on it okay like let's you just can you do some ventriloquism i don't know that's pretty good pretty good that was actually okay can you do I think I attention on it.
Okay, like, let's... Can you do some ventriloquism? I don't know.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

That was actually okay.

Can you do it?

I think I can do it.

Hey, everybody.

My name is Mopu Morganson.

Are you ready to party?

What's your name?

My name is Mopu Morganson.

I'm hearing Mopu Morganson.

That's him.

Mopu?

Yeah, Mopu Morganson.

All right.

Let's do you.

Let me do it.

Hi, my name is... No, your lips.
Too much lip. Hey, everybody.
My name is Andres. And I fancy me.
That's good? Is that good? Yeah. This one girl named Darcy Lynn.
Darcy Lynn. I don't know who that is.
She's like some young girl that got the golden bluzzer years ago on's Got Talent. But she sings.
There she is. Oh, I've seen her.
She sings through the puppet. Yeah.
Everybody wants to rule the world. That's really good.
Thank you. Can you imagine? Do that.
Do that. Everybody wants to rule the world.
How old is this girl? At the time, she was like, when she won at 12. But now she's like 17.

Now she's 48.

Yeah.

What a weird, 16 years old.

She's going to start dating people at some point.

Do you think she brings the doll to the dates?

She's like, I'll have spaghetti.

And I'll have soup.

I know.

But, you know, so there was a black ventriloquist, one of the most famous ones. Who? Willie Tyler and Lester.
Oh, yeah. Willie Lester.
Willie Tyler and Lester. Are you being real? Yes.
I'm being real. Yes.
So Willie Tyler and Lester, right, one time I was on the road with them when I was young. Were you open for Willie Tyler and Lester? Well, you know how the Loya Comedy Store, they just puts people together? Sure.
So like I was just a regular and Willie. So this old, you know, old black guy, you mean who's if you go to any like back in the day, they had ventriloquist conventions.
What? Yeah. There was like a meetup.
It was, you know, probably in a shitty hotel like the Hillton. There's Willie Tyler.
So it's a Willie Tyler. And Lester is his dummy.
Yeah. Lester's a dummy.
Right. But he was the biggest one.
So if you would go to a ventriloquist seminar, or I mean a convention, half the convention would be just drapes of him, photos of him. Because he was the king.
He was a legend back in the day, right? Think of how much puss that guy got from like- No, so he tells me the story. The opposite? No, it's a puss story.

So we're in the condo.

I'm like, what do you want to talk about?

It's like two in the morning after the Saturday night after the show.

Yeah.

He goes, well, let me tell you a story.

Did he do it through the dummy? No, Lester's now.

Lester's in the case, in his case.

How funny, in the middle of the story, he wakes up and he's like, let me tell you the story.

So he's in his case propped up.

Right.

So he would tell me, he told me the story where he would go on the road back in the 80s early 80s right and he would meet a girl and he had to have lester propped up like watching him on the bed oh my god right and just so just lester would just be he's pounding away right?

And he's just like there. And like he

goes some girls didn't like it. No

shit Willie Tyler. Yeah.

I would have just if I was a girl I would just

throw like during just thrown it off the

bed. No what if what if some girls did like

it though? What if what if they're like

talk dirty to me and he's like yeah girl and they're like

through Lester. Or what if

Lester had a dick? Oh my God. Like Willie pulled it down and he had a little wooden Pinocchio dick.
Yeah. And she starts blowing.
She starts blowing Lester. He's like, yeah, you like it? And Lester's like, yeah, you like it? Yeah.
Do you like it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so creepy, man.
It's creepy. To have that dog.
By the way, do your dogs ever watch you guys have sex? No. We kick them out of the room.
You do every time? Oh, yeah. Because my dogs- Sometimes they jump up and you just got to let them watch.
No, my dogs are protective over Kalilah. So they feel like you're attacking her.
No, so if I'm hugging her, right? Yeah. The dogs go crazy.
They start biting at my ankles. Well, you do look like you might smother her.

Come on, man.

What if I see you on top and I'm a dog?

I'd be like, get out of her!

Yeah, so if the dogs were in the room,

they'd be biting on my neck and barking.

It would be chaos.

Do you guys have dogs?

I do.

Do you let the dog watch you guys hook up?

No.

Pull the mic closer to your face, Rudy.

Yeah, you don't even know what to do. I mean, goddamn.

You've been here for fucking two years.

I feel uncomfortable here. It's like, I feel like...
We're uncomfortable with you there as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're doing a great job, though. Yeah.
And we meandered for an hour and a half. It was so shitty.
And it got to the point where like an hour in, we were both thinking it, but like we never said anything. And then eventually, it's like somebody, I don't know who said it, but this sucks.
sucks we both did there was a point at the same time this is bad and you were like this is really bad but we walked away from it i'm glad we walked away from it i think fancy's energy there was was he's getting this whole this whole battle but this whole battle with george thing that he's got going on it's put him in a weird place he's getting real cocky he's wearing brighter shirts he's showing up a little bit late pete's pete's doing a pete are you doing almost all the work now all of it see if it's dumped on me fancy's getting a little too fucking you know balloon headed about the whole thing yeah i trust pete more why do you think that is i always go down to an apocalyptic moment and you have your team your squad yeah right and immediately fancy would not be a part of it well he wouldn't be what would he offer nothing he's not gonna hunt or gather complaining right i mean all these the zombies are so crazy too many zombies out there they're gonna buy yeah my wife will eat the one you know oh he don't he don't beat me, yeah. He complained the whole time.
Get the fucking logs like we told you, dude. We got to start fire.
Right? But Pete? Pete. Pete would like, he'd come up with the stuff like he would behead two zombies.
Right? And walk around. You know how they did in The Walking Dead? Walk around with them? Yeah, with their heads.
Yeah, he would come up with things. Yeah, he's a smart guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's a thick boy.

I bet he could take a punch.

Yeah.

If we got into a big fight, you know?

Yeah.

Pete, could you take a hit?

Oh, hell yeah.

I used to box.

Did you really?

That's right.

You think you can beat Jake Paul?

Yeah, I think so.

You know how Jake Paul fought Woodley last night?

I know.

Are you sad?

Did you watch? It's a mockery of the sport. Is it, I guess? I don't know.
What is it anymore? For me, it's... You're a big boxing fan? It's not just that I'm a boxing fan, but I just feel like it's like...
First of all, he fought... Ben Askren.
Askren as well, right? And before that, he fought someone else. And it's like, you know, that's not their skill set, right? I think that if, Jake, you're tough, MMA.
Yeah. But those guys would need to train for 10 years to get to the training that they did.
That's right. So he doesn't, he shouldn't win in a fight situation.
I know, but that's why they say it's equal. That's why they're saying it's equal.
Because these guys boxing and jujitsu in their training. It doesn't matter because it's like, imagine like...
It seems fair. It was a pretty fair fight.
It was a pretty fair fight. But Tyrone isn't using his skill set, ground and pound.
I know, but neither... But Jake...
Jake can't do it. That's what I'm saying.
So he's brand new. So they're both entering at a zero.
They're both entering both entering zero it's like this it's like taking a guy that's a professional tennis player and another tennis player going i i don't know how to serve no so we're gonna take that out no that's not true jake was never a fucking it's like taking it this is like taking a professional basketball player and making him play volleyball because that's an element of basketball is jumping right and blocking yeah there's a lot of similarities and then taking a guy who's never played professional anything and just trained to be a volleyball player for two years and you're like go head to head that's exactly what it's like there's only some elements of the sport of mma that make it into boxing and jake has none of the professionalism So he's just been training just for one item.

So it's pretty even keeled.

I know, but the fight showed how even it was.

Tyrone Woodley is his whole career is focused on.

Yeah.

He's not focused on just boxing, right?

Right.

He's focused on jujitsu.

That's my point.

But you have to take that away because then it would be unfair because Jake's done none

of that.

So it's only fair if they're both entering a kind of an evil.

I guess my question is like, why does Tyrone and Ben Askren even need to do it?

I know money for the money.

It's all money.

Thank you. because then it would be unfair because Jake's done none of that.
So it's only fair if they're both entering a kind of an evil place. I guess my question is like, why does Tyrone and Ben Askren even need to do it? I know for the money.
It's all money. But that's why it's gross.
But what are you going to say? If somebody came to you and said, Bobby, we want you to do this corporate gig, this corporate stand-up gig on a fucking cruise ship. Nobody there is under 75 and they're all white and they all,

and they are so fucking racist. They hate,

they hate Asians.

I mean,

this is called this,

this boat is called the Kung flu cruise.

Okay.

Right.

So what are you asking me?

And we're going to give you 50 million for an hour.

Can you come?

And I'm no,

I'm going to bomb.

You're not just going to bomb.

They're going to boo you.

They're probably going to try to attack you a little bit. Yeah, you would.
There's no i'm gonna bomb you're not just gonna bomb they're gonna boo you they're probably gonna try to attack you a little bit yeah you would there's no way i would do money they're gonna do it it's money those guys i don't even know what they got what did those guys get paid can you google that i'm sure the the fucking check that tyrone got was like insane in i mean it was disgusting how could you turn it down at some point yeah what did tyrone woodley make what is this one website estimates paul is guaranteed a million and will double that uh with his share of the pay-per-view money woodley uh half that he got a half a million for the fight and then doubling that to a million after the pay-per-view money is counted so he gets a million bucks not including all of the other bullshit promotions those guys are making

so much money on the side

and I think that's wrong it's

not wrong it doesn't seem

worth it what do you mean they made a fuck

load of money on that thing

Tyrone Woodley listen Tyrone

Woodley for the last four UFC fights

that he fought he lost

right yeah

Dana White was like he's done that's why he

need this I know but it's like a

sad ending to an illustrious

Thank you. that he fought he lost right yeah dana white was like he's done that's why he need this i know but it's like a sad ending to an illustrious career but isn't that don't we all kind of have a little bit of a sad ending no i mean you you do you're gonna end up doing bad shit when it's all over we all are gonna make bad movies and tv shows when it's all over i do those now you're jumping the shark of your career yeah i want to do it now but is it bad it's all over? I do those now.
You're jumping the shark of your career.

Yeah, I'm doing it now.

But is it bad?

It's not... What would you rather him walk away

completely from the sport?

Okay, so imagine you and I, right?

Yeah.

And let's suppose a Lifetime movie

came out to you.

We'll give you a million dollars

to this really shitty, tastelesseless you know what I mean um lifetime movie would you do it no exactly that's what that is but I'm not at the end of my career he can figure it out there's other things he could do he tried that's why he's in the ring he's a good broadcaster right so he could have started a podcast are you his agent no he probably tried a bunch of stuff and he was like fuck it i'll fight this let me try he's not even over he just ended his fucking ufc i know and he must be a little bit nervous why is he jumping in the ring with this kid i don't know somebody has to talk to him and go this is not a good thing because he lost right i know but you well yeah that's yes yes but no but yes but look at it like this you don't know his private life he could be blowing money he could be in such debt dude i just heard a fucking rapper on the radio whose name was like young blood ya or some shit and the fucking radio host was like do you know he has eight kids by five different women and he's under 40 how the fuck do you pay for all those kids right you don't know his life he might have six houses, ten cars. I know.
Pull out!

Keeps! This specific message is You don't know his life. He might have six houses, ten cars.
I know. Pull out.

I know.

Keeps.

This specific message is for Andreas.

Our Andreas used keeps because we told him to.

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You don't follow Rudy?

No.

Do you guys follow Rudy?

I do.

You do, right?

Yeah, I follow everybody in the show.

Not like Bobby. Bobby doesn't even follow me.
You don't't follow fans I don't really follow you No I will I will You follow George And you don't follow me Oh yeah What about the fucking shit I was doing for you For the last month Yeah it is true Trying to get you More fucking followers You piece of shit You're right You're forgiven Wait a minute You're forgiven Wait a minute Let me see how many How many followers Does George Does Fancy have now Can now can i tell you what we can take those away pal i know can i tell you what happened today though yeah what so 36 000 i was watching um cnn because of the hurricane ida is it ida yeah i love disasters me too don't you well it's coming back right it's gonna ruin the gulf gulf? Maybe. Is it in normal? So I'm watching the CNNs, and I hear...
Stubbo. What? Stubbo.
Stubbo. Stubbo.
Like, not from the TV, though. Right? My dog, Stubbs, is like sitting next to me.
Uh-huh. And I'm completely naked.
Just on your floor? No, just on a seat in front of the TV in the living room. And I hear, Stubbo! Right? So I go, what the fuck? I'm freaking out.
And I look onto the fucking... So we have the TV and there's a cabinet underneath it.
Yes. And on top of my PlayStation, there's a little white thing with a blue light on it.
It's a camera. It's a camera.
So they're spying on you with your little penis on the couch. But all weekend, I was doing weird shit.
What have you been doing? No, but what I do is I'll like put on the music. No'll put on the music right I don't wear clothes right and I'll just start you know what I mean dancing dancing in the living room with the dogs and stuff well who has access to this just Kalilah or then I call Kalilah I go she's laughing and I'm like is it what's are you talking through this little device she's like.
We've been staring at you all weekend. Oh, God.
And now I turned it toward the wall. Good.
Yeah. Wait, Rudy had to see you like that? I don't think it was Rudy, though.
I pray to God she didn't have to see you like that. But it's like, tell me.
Now I think. Why do they have those? There's other cameras in there.
There's got to be. Why does she need to spy on you? Oh, it's just for the dogs don't know i don't know man that seems weird she misses you or i think it's she thinks that i'm doing stuff that's like scandalous what would you be doing having people over having like orgies no touching the dogs inappropriately did you do something you weren't supposed to do well I do no well okay it's not animal cruelty I leave it I'm feeding them let's just say that is that your dog texting you my mom I'll just read you don't make it like it's a bad thing.
I love it.

It's like, she sends me these.

These poems.

Oh, I like the poems.

However hard the day must have been today,

go to sleep with a positive attitude to make tomorrow's day more fruitful.

Good night.

That's beautiful.

It's dumb.

Fuck you, that's beautiful.

She doesn't understand what that means, really. Because it's in English's in english yeah oh what is it in korean i don't know but she sends me and then she sends me this the world can be amazing when you're slightly strange fact i know but look at all fucking weird what matt i don't know who this these people are that's the doors yeah and then it's like when you're Here's another one.
Imagine if someone would have loved you the way you love them. It could have changed everything.
What the fuck are you talking about? You fucking idiot. Don't say that.
That's giving her something to care about. I love you mom.
She doesn't listen to this. This gives her hope for the new day.
No, I love it. But it's like,

but I never send her a thing back.

You don't ever respond.

No, I respond with just text.

Send her back a poem.

I love you, mommy.

I love you so much.

Let's write her a poem.

Let's write your mom a poem right now.

Oh, no way.

She's not going to understand it.

That's the best part.

Yeah, but it's got to be in this style.

You got to put it on a meme-y kind of thing.

No, we don't have time.

Let's just make one up for her right now.

Let's text her right now something sweet.

All right, what is it?

Okay, so let's get this off.

I feel comfortable with this.

I don't know why.

It's fine.

We're not going to say anything gross or mean.

Go ahead.

When life.

When life.

When life.

When life.

When life. Interludes.
Interludes with your consciousness. You must persevere.
You don't know how to spell that. Yeah, but they have to spell check.
If I'm close, it'll let. You must.
Wait, when life interludes with consciousness. You must persevere.
You must. Persevere.
Until the warmth. Wait, hold on.
Yeah, you're right. I don't know how to spell persevere.
I know. You're absolutely right.
How do you spell it? You must push through. No, persevere.
How do you spell it? Per-e I did that already sa s-a veer vee oh there it is when life interludes with consciousness you must persevere and let the light and let the light oh no I'm sorry and let no and follow the light and follow no that's I'm sorry. And follow the light.

And follow.

No, I don't want her to die.

Is that a death thing?

Yeah, yeah.

To follow the light.

And she's going to go, okay, puppy.

And she's going to close her eyes and she's going to follow the light.

She's going to be dead.

But I mean.

I don't want her.

If she dies from it, I'll be so mad.

If we set this and she dies immediately, that's incredible.

All right, let's do it.

Yep.

It's worth experimenting. It's definitely worth a bit.
So when life interludes with. No, I can't say it.
When life, let's do it. Yep.
It's worth experimenting.

It's definitely worth a bit.

So when life interludes with...

No, I can't say it.

When life interludes with consciousness,

you must persevere until...

Baby, this doesn't make any sense.

Okay.

Baby.

Until the Lord...

Until the Lord?

Until the Lord confines you. Blesses you so.
Blesses you. Until the Lord blesses you so.
Read it out loud. I'm sore for the sin.
I don't know why. When life interludes with consciousness, you must persevere until the Lord blesses you so.
Perfect. By the way, that'll end up.
I feel like that's in a t-shirt in Korea somewhere. Love you, mom.
Love you. Love you.
Love us. Say, I love us.
Love us. What? Oh, it doesn't make any sense.
Say, I love us. I love us.
Yeah, like you love her love for you and she'll. It's too impersonal.
Get and do a kiss. Do kiss lips.
No, that's. It's incest No it's not I'll do a heart Do like a Do the I'm gonna say love you I can't say love us Do eggplant Do eggplant water Where it's the wet water I'll do that I'll do that Like this Exactly Alright Okay Send Send Oh ow I know You know how good I am at that the rhythm is good one girl tried to hold me in just grab your butt no she wanted my baby I could feel it really? and I always announce it loudly I'm about to come I go right before I go and I go.
And I started pulling out. And I got out.

You smoothly got out?

I think I nutted on her inner thigh.

Like, and I got out.

I was like, you try to get me.

You're not going to get me.

He doesn't, Youngblood, Johan doesn't know how to do that?

I don't know what his name is.

Youngblood, Johan.

Obviously not.

Or obviously he doesn't give a shit.

He just doesn't give a shit.

Yeah, it feels good to nut inside.

We shouldn't be talking this in front of Jules, but let me say something.

I mean, you said it.

By the way, his name is Moneybag Yo.

Okay, Moneybag Yo.

Listen up, Moneybag Yo, wherever you are, I know you're listening.

Stop coming inside of these chicks.

Yeah, but it's not only that.

There's Moneybag Yo. Let me look at me.
Look at me right now. Does it feel good to nut inside with no condom? Yeah, Jules, get out of here.
Get out of here. It feels good, right? Let's do like the PG-13 version.
Does it feel good to ejaculate without a condom? To relieve yourself. Without a condom? To relieve yourself instead of vagina.
To relieve yourself is like peeing. That's like peeing.
peeing okay and that does feel good does it feel good to have unprotected sex and finish inside orgasm it feels great phenomenal let me ask you this now another different question go ahead does it feel good relieving yourself with your hand when you pull out yeah of course now what's the difference it's like let's say um well the difference is i know pretty big i it's i don't think so it's pretty big no because the emptiness inside is the same when it's over when it's over that's the thing women don't comprehend yeah there's a moment that we emptiness inside sad you know there's an emptiness inside after i masturbate of course there i'm just what do you know this is what i do because you just killed 10 000 people yeah not only that but this is what i do i do it and the first thing i do is i look at my hands and i trembling and no i look like spider-man after a bad day yeah like it didn't work one day the fucking web damn it yeah so it's like you know like the thing was clogged in his thing yeah right so it's that's it looks like, oh, it doesn't work. Like when the fucking webbing.
Damn it. Yeah.
So it's like, you know, like the thing was clogged in his thing.

Yeah.

Right.

So that's what it looks like.

Oh, it doesn't work.

Like when the end of a soap dispenser has like the, come on.

Right.

So I'm like, oh, it didn't work, you know, and then it's like, it's dripping and I don't

clean it right away.

What?

No.

No.

Oh yeah.

What do you do?

You hang out with it?

Well, it's like, it's not like as if like, it's an interesting thing.

No, it's not.

It's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You put it under a microscope? No. So I look at it, and I sometimes do this with my hands, right? Like you have webbed? And it creates like a bat wing, right? And I'll just and look at it, right? But the feeling inside is so empty.
Yeah, it's sad. It's so sad.
And I'm there for like five minutes.

Five minutes?

Yeah, and I'll just do this empty, right?

Yuck, dude.

But it's the same feeling when you come inside,

I mean, ejaculate inside a woman.

No, it's not.

There's an emptiness inside.

Yeah, but you don't have to, no, it's not.

Is that every time to you?

A lot of times.

I don't feel sad or empty when it's over.

Like when I'm over and I ejaculate,

I scoop some out and I still do it.

With my hand and do the webbing thing.

So gross.

It's so gross.

It's a little,

but there's something sad and empty about it.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

I don't know why you're arguing against me.

Well, no, I'm saying masturbating is sad and empty.

That's the,

like when you were young and you used to jerk off, what did you do? Magazine, sock, what did you do? Well, the wall. I'm sorry? And my mother, my poor mother.
You would shoot on the wall? My poor mother. Of all the places that would be like, okay.
No, because I had this Duran Duran poster. And you were really into Duran Duran? Yes.
it's the Rio poster But it was framed So if you saw my bedroom So you have the bed which is a twin Single A single No it wasn't single it was a twin bed Okay Yeah so that was in the back A a frame thing right that's hot to you but it looked like she was crying come oh my god right so it's like i would smear it like after i was done i would just not even look i would just smear it on there right gross and it it dries yellow no so it looks like shut up all right don't look at me right? She's disappointed. Yeah, yeah.
And then my mom. This is what you came back for.
Every six months would be like, Bobby, why are you so yellow? You know what I mean? That's art, mom. Yeah, and she would have to use a fucking razor blade and chisel it off.
Oh, my God. That's so gross.
That's's true though. I never used a sock.
Never? No. I just like, you know.
Magazines always for me. Always magazines.
What do you mean? Victoria's Secret. I could not masturbate to that.
Really? Yeah. When I was in high school? What were you thinking of? Because the internet didn't exist.
We didn't have the internet to jerk off no no we would there was a there was a we talked about this before there was a rock oh my god yeah the the community would you you know i mean and then my friend alan meadows alan meadows my friend alan meadows parents god rest their souls his dad had porn and him and i used to i know but in your room drawers what? in your room I would borrow his magazines oh those feelings the excitement do you just get emotional? missing the old porn days? no it's not just the porn days it was the the feeling of like hanging out with your friends, riding your bike.

Jerking off together.

That too.

Yeah.

Or like my friend Jason Hill, he was in a band called Louis XIV.

You know them?

So he was the singer.

But as a kid, he lived right down the street from me.

So I remember Jason, he was in his his garage he had never smoked pot before and I brought my bong over hell yeah and I was teaching him how to do it and I just remember those moments as a kid you know yeah and there's a feeling like summers were different there was just a trust me. I know.
I'm smoking weed in a garage.

Oh, my God.

That's the best.

The coolest.

Sitting on a couch, smoking weed, cigarettes.

Yeah.

Talking shit.

Talking shit.

Mad shit.

I miss those days.

I miss those days.

Now it's like the end is coming.

It's right around the corner.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, well, you're 50 soon, bud.

The end's coming.

I don't think you're going to die anytime soon, but i do think that you're reaching your tyrone tyrone rudley years i don't think so no you're right dude you're it feels different you're about to pop don't say that you're about to pop but i feel like something different's happening what do you mean in society or in your life in my, just in my own life. What is it? Is Kalilah pregnant? No.
That would be incredible. It has more to do with the business.
You okay? It has more to do with the business. Well, what is that? Tell me.
Like you're booking a lot of stuff you feel like it's rolling? It's not just booking. It's just, I don't like talking about it, but I will.
You love talking. First of all, you love talking about it.
I don't, I don't love talking about it. You loved hyping yourself up.
No, it's just the kind of like, you know, you have always had great opportunity. No, just don't.
I've known you. Bobby, Bobby, I've, I've, I Bobby, I have made everything I've got.
Okay. Nothing came my way.
Mixed drinks. What was that show called? Mixology.
I auditioned for that. I didn't even get far.
I know. You got it.
You weren't right for it. That's my point.
Yeah, but. You always are right.
No. You're always doing stuff with Seth Rogen, all things no one thing I got cut out of dude this is a lie you're perpetuating a lie you've had a great life and a great career I just want a little you've had a tough road I just want a little for myself that's all go ahead that's so annoying no you annoy me No you annoy me Yeah it's a fucking montage It's a fucking vignette It's a montage for sure It's a vignette It made me cry either way Jules are you happy to be back Pull the mic towards your fucking mouth I'm okay Are you sad to be back She'smed.
You are sad to be back. Let me tell you something.
The response we got from having Doc Willis on the show was great. People love Doc.
Do you want to take off and us make Doc fill in permanently? No. You still want to be on the show? Okay.
Okay. I saw you guys measure yourself when I wasn't here and you admitted that you were 5 two i know but he was saying no but you admitted it i had to stop you admitted he said he was five three and i told him you're wrong because i'm an inch taller than you if i'm five two you're five one okay my point but but how tall do you think you are now what's that because we've got some old proof this is proof that you admitting on this radio show from years ago how tall you are.
And you also do a lot of work with Chelsea Lately, right? Yeah, I do that. I was in Grey's Anatomy.
I was that girl, remember? You were a girl in the movie? Yeah, yeah. I was that girl in Grey's Anatomy.
That was me, bro. I was in the show Heroes, remember? Yatta! That was me, bro.
I was in the movie Entourage, right play basketball right insanity bro that's me bro i do all that bro how tall are you bro what i'm on 5'2 but let me say the admittance you know you're five it's so funny what you're saying what you're doing right you know you're 5' You said it for years. This was seven years ago you knew it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You didn't get taller, bub.

Bub.

You didn't get taller, bub.

Bub.

Bubby?

What I say in radio shows and podcasts are lies.

Okay.

And it's a fact.

So you've never said a truth on anything.

No, not really, no.

So, okay, say it again.

What I say on radio shows is a lie.

That's a fact.

What I see is that And it's a fact. So you've never said a truth on anything.
No, not really. No.
So, okay.

Say it again.

What I say on radio shows is a lie.

That's a fact.

What I say on radio and podcasts are a lie.

That's a fact.

It's a fact.

Print it.

Because if you, like for instance.

Everything I say is a lie.

That's a fact.

Is that what you're saying?

Yeah.

Perfect.

Okay.

Perfect. But what I want to...
I can back it up. I can back it up.
Please. I don't know how.
I'll show you. Because it's a lie.
Even my backups are lies. Okay.
Okay. I'm going to prove to you.
Okay, please. There's a story.

Of a lovely lady.

Right.

And she had three boys.

Three very lovely girls.

Oh, three girls.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

You know what that's from?

No.

Brady Bunch.

Pull the mic to your face, even if you're slouchy-pouchy. Yeah.

No.

Dude, it's so-

It's already-

What's crazy is-

It's already-

People are so happy that she's back.

They get so excited.

Where's Jules?

Where's Jules?

And then she comes back, and she just gets to fall into her chair yeah like those pot commercials when they're like don't do pot and that girl's melting into the couch you know that stupid commercial it was her first day of college today did you have class today we lied to everybody told them you were going to what New Mexico what did we say yeah yeah everyone's been asking me about New me if I went there some people in Albuquerque were so excited to see you how was the first day of class? well you didn't go right? it was fine no cute boys is it zoom? well you can't really see how cute someone is on zoom can you? I think think you can. Not everyone's on one screen.
You swipe to see the rest of the people. You can put them all on one screen, right? Did you do the swipe to see everyone? Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh. Interesting.
Do you think that they were swiping going, oh, that's a cute girl? You think any of them knew who you were? I don't think so. Is there a chat at all? Yeah, there's a chat.
Did no one say anything like, hey said anything like hey Rudy Jules no fuck but she did get recognized at the airport yeah in Hawaii in Hawaii really just by yourself was Kalilah there Kalilah was there wow they said hi to her huh yeah I want her to be alone somewhere and somebody recognized her alone well that's why because she was because we're going to Cancun oh yeah we're going to Cancun by the way people need to go she wants She wants to bring Kalilah and I'm saying don't. Why? So she can have an experience with us.
Oh yeah just us. Yeah the crew.
With the crew. Cool face.
I know. If you don't want to do it you want to bring Kalilah because you want a partner in crime.
Yeah. Yeah I get that.
She wants her butt. Why can't we be the partners? She doesn't like us like that.

Yeah.

By the way, but show that.

Do you remember we talked to,

okay, we talked to a band called the Bobby Lees.

Look at this.

This was posted on the Reddit.

There's a guy,

there's an MMA fighter named Bobby Lee who's a redhead.

Okay.

Do you know this guy?

No.

Look at, zoom in on this guy.

He renamed himself Bobby Lee though.

He did?

Yeah, for us. No.
No, that's his general name his real name is robert lee really sketch but i feel like we should support this guy yeah i think we should support can we do can we bad friends can can we sponsor a fighter let's sponsor this guy i want to sponsor bobby lee the fighter so if he's out there anybody knows he's 12 6 and 0 pretty good there's an MMA fighter named Bobby Lee that looks like he could be related to Santino he's a ginge dude he's from part of the ginger nation yeah and and 12 6 and 0 is not bad it's not great though it's not we he needs because this is like 12 6 and 0 in like regional yeah the scene yeah he's like local bar fights. I know.
If he went to the, you know, like he had fought Edson Barbosa, he wouldn't have ribs left. Well, let's see what, well, what's his weight, go down, what's his weight class? Let's see, we got to get him in better, he's 155.
Oh, he's lightweight. No, that's not good.
That's not good. No, yeah, he's got, you got to talk about it.
Let's sponsor him. Let's sponsor him, because look, it says career disclosed disclosed earnings.
Zero dollars. Yeah, yeah.
He's fighting out of St. Cloud, Minnesota.
Maybe he has a Venmo maybe. We can look it up.
We can have George look into it to see. Look into it.
You know, but how cool would it be if we sponsor a fighter and he has bad friends shorts on when he fights? Would that be awesome? That'd be great. On the shorts, it says bad friends in the back.
But would it be bummer is if he continued to lose and then right and then the bad friends there's blood on it and dry it would be sad that's all they take pictures of yeah yeah two losers on podcasts with sponsor man whose career is going down i hope bobby lee does i hope he starts bucking up what's the other one uh pete that you're going to show me there's a slide guitarist named bobby lee is there oh this is a great so a couple weeks ago we showed the Cambodian army and they beat the shit out of you okay in India they do a live physical in front of everybody look at this just want to make sure both are there one two good nice stick one two nice stick one two there one two right there nice good snake right left there it is how weird this is their physical yeah they want to make sure you got two balls and a peen let me ask you this if there was a woman there wanting to be a part of the you know Would he be able to do it? He has to.

He would? That's part of the code.

He spends

like 20 minutes down there.

He's like, I still don't feel it.

Where are your balls?

And by the way, the guy following him with a piece

of paper. Yeah.

He's just going down the line

grabbing their penis. What a weird...

Yeah. I want to see one move.
I want to see one a little whoop i want to see one pop up so bad how strange this is part of their army routine huh or he just says that to them oh the other guy was like oh let me check it out yeah i want to make sure yeah i need to make sure yeah yeah he didn't touch any of the other guys oh that's my friend jim wait by the way how funny is it yeah how funny is it that these guys go back to their oh oh my god oh my god these guys go back like the barracks and they're like it was hard to him grabbing our dicks in front of each other and then all the other groups are like nobody grabbed our dick that's just this guy that's just this dude this yeah yeah his way go back go back a little bit he points to him right there he points to him as watch this he's like uh oh he's just nice oh he's just nice just like my dad i guess you got to do this in some countries just to make sure i think we should reenact this george george come up here george you have to reenact we're the soldiers we got to make sure you i you're still built. Yeah, I want to see what your style is.
Come in here. You're still built.
Go ahead. Come here, George.
Come here. Test out Bobby to make sure he's good enough to podcast.
Yeah, yeah. Here we go.
There you go, George. Make sure he's good enough to podcast.
Oh, nice. And? Are they both there? Very good.
You're ready to go to war. I'm ready to i'm ready to go well that'll be a meme yeah yeah can we make that i touched it can we make that an nft can we make you get your balls touch an nft yeah we can do that right an nft i just am learning i know what oh yeah property of a property non-tungible non-fungible token do you know what I'm talking about? Google and NFT.
You know what this is, Rudy. Don't you a property? Non-fungible token.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Google NFT.

You know what this is, Rudy.

You don't know what this is? It's like your generation.

NFT.

Look, you can sell, buy and sell these things.

Look, Steph Curry just bought the sad monkey.

Look at that.

Steph Curry, the bored ape.

That's what it's called.

And it was $180,000.

All it is is what you see right there he bought that he bought it the right that the the digital rights so to speak yeah you can also like buy scenes yes and and like and like youtube like moments or the correct like somebody could buy like when if you and i say something they can buy that moment well no we would own the rights to that. They would have to purchase it from us.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We own the copyrights.
Right, right, right. But like we could sell a moment.
Okay, so look, Bored Apes sold back in May for 0.68 Ethereum. And now it's worth $180,000.
I get it, but it's like I don't... Because we're not...
Because we're old. Yeah.

We're older.

Fuck.

Like pansexual.

We are pansexual.

Are we?

What does pansexual mean?

I don't know.

I'm trying to learn all this stuff.

Can you Google what pansexual is?

I don't know all those terms.

That's what I'm... Let's learn right now.

Let's learn.

Pansexual, not limited sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, identity.

So pansexual means like you could have sex with... An ottoman i don't know like an object no uh i think it's got to be human oh no towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity so you can like another right but why is that bisexuality no bisexual is this this says emotional attraction romantic or emotional attraction towards people regardless of their sex or gender identity.
Bisexual falls probably under the umbrella of pansexual. Because bisexual, you like men and women.
This is saying you can like people if they don't identify as a man or a woman. Yep.
I think, I think, I think. And what's the binary one that they have? Non-binary.
Non-binary. Well, binary just means means man or woman non-binary means you know non-binary means you're fucking you're gender fluid gender queer it's an umbrella term for identities that are neither male nor female right you don't identify as a man or a woman because when I was in Hungary did I tell you about this there was one girl that is non-binary okay and.
And me and this other actress was going to meet this girl and my actress friend said, we're meeting them. Yeah, you don't say they.
You say they. Right, so I go, oh, she's bringing her friends.
No, it's just her. And then when we're walking to this place, she was like, you know what I mean? Explain to me.
Like, I didn't know, right? Of course, I don't know. And then when I saw her, i saw her i did a joke that's five bobby what you said she her she she her oh wow you did in the middle of telling it you already violated her i know exactly fuck but when i saw them i said hey you guys funny right funny she's like no what what i'm saying though is hey you guys.
Funny. Right? Funny.
And she's like, what? What I'm saying, though, is that. Hey, you guys.
It's like saying, fuck, and, you know. It's like saying, what's up? You don't mean what's up.
I know, but what I'm saying is. Hey, you guys.
What I'm saying is I want to learn. I have no prejudices.
And I will accept whatever you are, whatever these new rules are. Yeah.
These new things. I'm open to it.
Yeah. I guess it's so confusing.
I'm sorry. It's like I'm...
How about this? What's your name? I'm going to call you your name. That's how I feel.
What's your fucking name? Because I'm going to get confused and I'm going to fuck fuck up you fucked up four times in half a minute if they go you have emily is gonna be there and they are non-binary and gender fluid and pansexual yeah and so and so yeah something something i'm gonna go i can't wait to see emily all right then you see emily what do you say hey em how are you i want you to say plural emily's hey em how are ya over with but there's a weirdness there no and then I'm gonna refer to you by your name if someone goes um what does she want I go Emily wants tacos ah let's go to the name go to the fucking do you understand it's your generation yeah you guys fucking did all this shit no I'm confused with it our generation we don't

you know

we care

we don't care

I care

no my point is I don't care

whatever you want to be I don't care

I want you to love it

I don't fucking care

I know we don't care

so tell me your fucking name

I still want to learn the rules

but by the way there's too many fucking rules

Thank you. but it's i know we don't care so tell me your fucking name i know but we still i still i still want to learn i know rules but we don't but by the way there's too many fucking rules look go back one slide go back one slide look uh look click on an umbrella it's like a fucking novel dude it's a novel i don't know right queer fluid poly pan other by hetero hetero flexibility lesbia flexible hetero flexible yeah i have to learn all your name's fucking emily no all right no i'm not saying i'm i'm being open-minded i you're allowed to be whatever you want yeah i don't i don't the nuances are so fucking specific i'm sorry fluid what's what's zoom in a little bit because i can't traction was changes or might change over time what's this heteroflexible that means if you can touch your toes usually attracted to people of genders different from their own but might occasionally be attracted to people of gender similar to their own so maybe by it's called maybe maybe by that.
Maybe bi. That's the new one.
Maybe bi. Can we just say bi? No.
No. Hey.
No. All right.
I'm hetero. Sexual flexible.
You're hetero flexible. I'm hetero flexible.
You can touch your toes and you fuck chicks. I don't get it.
Honestly, all it means to me is- That doesn't make any sense what you- You can touch your toes and you fuck chicks? Yeah, yeah,'s heteroflexible. Oh, that's how I...
Okay, I get it. Honestly, I'm being serious when I say this.
Yeah. I have friends who are gay.
I have friends who are bi. I love them all.
I don't fucking care. But let's read some more above.
Zoom up above. Fluid.
Attraction which changes or might change over time towards people of various genders. just means you haven't figured it out yet yeah people who are used okay homo or you have and you don't and you want it all what's this veggie flex what is this vegetable flexible is somebody who eats veggies while they fuck no it's called les it's called lesb flexible people who are usually attracted to people of gender similar to their own, but might occasionally be attracted to people of gender different than their own.
This is getting too specific. Yeah.
That's called sometimes bisexual, maybe. Yeah.
It should say sometimes bisexual, maybe, or maybe not. Again, you know what the end of this is? You're Emily.
Right. You're fucking Emily.
You're Emily. Emily sometimes fucks girls.
Unless Emilyily fucks guys oh but sometimes emily fucks girls who wish that they were guys sometimes wishing they were fucking girls but sometimes emily will decide to be chad then say i'm chad today right and i'll go hey chad right and then and chad will be like what's up whoa chad but chad will go i know i was Emily yesterday but Chad and Chad will go don't call me he

even though I won't go by Chad. And I go, right, I'm not going to call you a fucking he or they or them or she.
I'm calling you fucking Chad. Right.
All day I'm calling you Chad. Let me ask you this, though.
We should wear name tags. How do you feel about it? Huh? I know that we are willing to bend and learn these new you know i mean sure but how do you feel about it how i just said do you really feel that way of course i don't care what you want to be because what if they want you to care i don't care i don't care about everybody that That's insane.
I care about the people I know.

But if I'm Emily, I want you to care.

Emily, I barely fucking know you.

No, let's say we're good friends and I'm lesbaflexible.

Okay.

Do you care about it?

No.

Yeah, I want you to care.

I think that's the problem.

Here's why.

Why do I care about your sexuality?

Because I want you to.

That's the least important part of our friendship right you're my friend okay i care that we have cool conversations we go to concerts together we get high together okay i care that we fucking hang out i don't give a shit what kind of person you want to fuck and suck and whatever do you see what i'm saying do you see what i'm saying do you like you don't what your generation

is you don't care right you hope people do their thing and be happy i don't fucking are you you're

heterosexual right yeah are you anything else are you lesbiflexible maybe i could be or

heteroflexible i mean yeah maybe i could be heteroflexible because you might sometimes be

attracted to women yeah okay so she's heteroflexible i might be heteroflexible you are heteroflexible. Because you might sometimes be attracted to women.

Yeah.

Okay, so she's heteroflexible.

I might be heteroflexible.

You are heteroflexible.

You're bisexual.

Okay, Amy, thank you for being a bisexual.

What?

You are, you're bisexual.

I'm hetero, I want to be hetero.

You can't dictate what I am.

Listen, Emily. I'm telling you what I am.

Listen up.

I'm heteroflexible.

Sure, okay.

Okay, good.

I want you to accept that

and be happy with that.

I do accept this for everybody but you.

Why?

Because I don't accept you in my heart.

My mom again.

What did your mom say?

Always find a reason to smile, she said.

Let's write her again.

I think she was confused about this one.

Please, Bob.

Let's do another one.

Here we go. Ready?

The waves of time. The waves of time.
May shift the sands of our lives. May shift.
Wait, hold on. May shift.
The sands of our lives. Shift the s take but they will never take they will never take our freedom william wallace william wallace you have to end with a brave heart quote is that a real william wallace quote are you serious yeah never take our freedom no Oh, but the shit that he said before.
That was just you serious? Yeah. Never take our freedom.

No, the end. Yeah, but the shit that he said before.

That was just my head.

Oh.

So the waves of time may shift the sands of our lives, but they will never take our freedom.

By the way, that's going to end up on a fucking shirt somewhere.

Good night, Mom.

Oh, and also, will you write this to your mom?

No, not too late.

No, please, please.

Okay, go ahead.

Will you write thank you for being a bad friend to your mom? Okay, thank you for being. No, because she doesn't know what to get.
Okay. Thank you for.
I love your mom. Hold on.
Thank you for being bad. Okay.
All right, we need to address two things real fast, and then we're done. What? One, Bobby is turning 50, but we can no longer have the party.
You have to say it. The fans want to know.
We're not having a party, but what we're going to do is the winners are going to do a Zoom call with us. Yeah.
Sadly, the restrictions are making it so we can't. Delta.
Fucking Delta. Fucking Delta.
Thank you so much for sending in the video submissions. We've seen all of them.
We did watch a fuckload of them. A lot of them.
Yeah. And I really appreciate it.
You know, we've seen all of them.

We saw them. We did watch a fuckload of them.
A lot of them. Yeah.
And I really appreciate it. You know, it makes us feel good that you guys are...
We appreciate you. And we're sorry that we can't have the party.
It's no more party time. Rudy, now that you're back, you've got to end us again.
Go look in your camera and say it, mama. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Welcome back. For 20% off your bully.
Nope. All right.
For 20%, what's up? Nope. I'm going to have to laugh.
Hold on. Let me finish it.
I got to do this last one. Sure.
For $20 off your Buffy comforter, visit Buffy.co and her bed friend. I got it right here.
Let me just say,

stop laughing,

right?

Jules for $20 off your Buffy comforter.

Let me just do it.

Please.

You can do it.