Urban Bobby & The Gucci Gang

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Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bad Friends podcast with Bobby Lee and my boy, Andrew Santino. Great.

Speaker 2 Damn, that's good. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. So, if everyone's listening, are you recording? We're recording.

Speaker 2 It is. That's what it sounded like, right?

Speaker 2 So, he's from a different land. You know that.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 Andrew is shooting Dave right now. He's going to be a little late.
Jules is in Hawaii surfing or something with Kalila. So, she couldn't make it.
So, we asked my man right here, Doc, to fill in Jules.

Speaker 2 But now Andrew's not here. So, we're just going to start without him to see what happens.
Yeah, see what happens. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you get pussy? No, I don't get.

Speaker 2 No, you can't. No, you can't.

Speaker 2 I can't. I've always been able to tell that

Speaker 2 you struggle to get the pussy. No, no, I never struggle.
That's the problem with you. Well, you always get.
You always. Yeah.
You always. Here's your thing.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You, you have this, you live in Bobby's world, right? Yeah. Bobby's world is whatever he believes, that's what's real.
And it's like, no, yeah, yeah. So you're me deep.
One time,

Speaker 2 you looked at me and you was like, doc, you're a nerd. And I go, what? Did you know anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, if you said that to anybody else who knew me, they'll be like,

Speaker 2 bro, who are you talking to? Okay, stop. All right.
I'm just, I want to get to know you better. That's all.
You do, dog.

Speaker 2 All right. I wanted to get to you.
That's why you're here. I want to get to know you better.

Speaker 2 So you get a lot of pussy then. Nah, I get what I get.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Which is what? Like,

Speaker 2 in a year, dude. Dude.
In a near.

Speaker 2 Here's mine.

Speaker 2 Be honest. I'm telling you.
Because I've never seen you with a girl. But it don't matter what you see.
You know what I'm saying? Right, right. It doesn't matter what I see.

Speaker 2 What if you live live in your world? What if in your world, right? You think that you have all this stuff.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's all in your head. So that's what you believe.

Speaker 2 That's good. That's good.
All right. Yeah, you want to do it.

Speaker 2 So you get...

Speaker 2 Let's just put it this way. I get women.

Speaker 2 It's not hard.

Speaker 2 And that's the thing about California. I never even understood when dudes say they don't get women.
I'll be like, what?

Speaker 2 How is that possible? How do you not get women coming? Like, it's easy out here all day. Yeah.

Speaker 2 See, you didn't start getting them until you got famous, right? What? You didn't start getting them until you started getting famous.

Speaker 2 Say that against Solomon. You didn't start getting women until you got famous.
That right there, right there, dude. That's rude, what you're saying.
Well, you know, I got a little rude in me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, what you're saying to me is that before

Speaker 2 I could get a name for myself, I couldn't get any girls. Right.
Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's 100% what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 I don't even think you got to read between the lines. I know.
I said that so personally. Let me challenge you.
Even the audience would like to be a little bit more than that.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you, that's the thing. Let me challenge you on that then.
Okay, let's do it.

Speaker 2 How long have I known you?

Speaker 2 Shoot. Since I probably talked about 2001, that's when I first started going to the communist store.
Right, so 20 years. 20 years.
Yeah. Right?

Speaker 2 Not one time.

Speaker 2 Not one time. Okay.
Have I seen you with a woman? Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 20 years. But working at the store.
You've only seen me. At the store working.
We're not arguing.

Speaker 2 Don't get emotional.

Speaker 2 Don't get emotional.

Speaker 2 You're getting emotional. Here's your problem.
Don't tell me what I have problems. Yeah, okay.
Go ahead. Tell me what my problem is.
Okay, one for one problem. You're crazy to them motherfuckers.

Speaker 2 That's one right there.

Speaker 2 And like I say, you live in this little bubble. Yeah.
And for some reason,

Speaker 2 you actually believe the shit that you have in your hand, and it's not real.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why, though. Okay.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I find you cute as a button. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 A little awkward to get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A little awkward. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 And when I tell you that,

Speaker 2 how do you feel? Like, nothing. Like, okay, thanks.

Speaker 2 Like, I literally want to

Speaker 2 grab you. Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 And stick you in my pocket. Wow.
And walk around. I think that you are just cute as a button.
And number two, I always thought that, like, how tall are you? 5'3.

Speaker 2 There's no way.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 How tall are you? Who's taller to you or I?

Speaker 2 That's a good question. I never even paid answers.
Okay, let's do this. America, we're about to show y'all.

Speaker 2 I got you, Bat.

Speaker 2 I'm taller.

Speaker 2 I'm 5'2.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, I'm 5'2.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, you, bro.
You're five foot. No, don't do that.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Hold on, hold on. Let me get situated.

Speaker 2 That's frustrating right there. Lie, lie, lie.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 you can't take away. No, because we already measured myself.
Who did?

Speaker 2 Here at Bad Friends, we We already did the measurements. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not.

Speaker 2 Hey, did we come here? We can do it again. We can do it again.
Do it again. No, no, no, we're not doing it again.
But 5'2 ⁇ , that's what I'm talking about. All right, so you're not doing it.

Speaker 2 You're not 5'2.

Speaker 2 You're not 5'2, because I'm 5'3.

Speaker 2 So I'm 5'4.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 That's all I want to do. Maybe 5'3 and a half at the most.

Speaker 2 I'm an inch taller than you for sure.

Speaker 2 I just did it. I just think you.

Speaker 2 Your shoulders is big.

Speaker 2 No one's ever said that. I've had big big shoulders.
Like Michael Phelps. I mean,

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 So I'm 5'3. You're a wrestler.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so this feels good. This feels good.

Speaker 2 So you're 5'2 ⁇ .

Speaker 2 I'll just say 5'2.

Speaker 2 I'm 5'3 ⁇ . Well, let's go one inch lower.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 And I have to apologize for a couple of things. All right, let's hear it.
All right, in our history. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You owe me some goddamn

Speaker 2 apologies. This should have come out.
Yeah, I've been waiting for you. Number one,

Speaker 2 I remember

Speaker 2 when Gary Coleman died.

Speaker 2 I saw you at the comedy store, and I walked up to you. You were with a bunch of friends and stuff.
Right. And I said to you, I thought you had died.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was.

Speaker 2 I see you have a memory. I do.
Because I remember seeing your face, right? And got a laugh in front of your friends. Yeah, that was, yep.
But you had a face and never apologized for that. Right.

Speaker 2 So, I don't think I was hurt by it. I was you were you not, yeah.
I'm a comedian, so I didn't sit back and giggle a little bit. But look, a little

Speaker 2 bit, I'll say this, yeah, yeah, I'll say this

Speaker 2 somewhere. There was a baby that died somewhere.
When you say that, that was

Speaker 2 you know what I'm saying. I don't know,

Speaker 2 I'm just trying to

Speaker 2 express myself, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No baby died, man. Yeah, no, no, my bad, my bad, America, no baby died, yeah, yeah.
Um, number two, my second apology is you opened for me.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Did you not? Hosted for you. I never opened.

Speaker 2 That's opening.

Speaker 2 I thought the feature was the open. No, they're both opening.
Oh, okay, yeah. Well, you think the host is opening for the feature? No, I just thought the host was like the warm-up, dude.
Not the

Speaker 2 opened right.

Speaker 2 And I made you do some things

Speaker 2 on stage.

Speaker 2 You don't remember? Uh-uh. Like I said, when you go up on stage, you have to say Yaba-Daba-doo

Speaker 2 10 times and not tell the audience why you're saying it.

Speaker 2 Man, now y'all know what the comic, this is the equivalent to Frat Hazen. This is this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. But it's funny.
So then you'd have to go up

Speaker 2 and say Yaba Dabadoo

Speaker 2 in between jokes and not explain to the audience why you said it. All right, that was the first, yeah, that was like the first thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I forgot all about

Speaker 2 it, man. I forgave you.
I think I was, I told you to do another thing where I go, just randomly when you're opening, you have to just, without explaining yourself, you have to do a little hopscotch.

Speaker 2 Right? Like, you know what I mean? Like, they do a hopscotch, right? And you have to do it across the stage and not tell the audience why you did that. Man, it's, man, you know, it's funny.

Speaker 2 Because it was for me. Yeah, I know.
But it's for my energy.

Speaker 2 Between you and Steve Byrne and

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 crazy things that go on in these shows, this is so much fun. You forget about all of that.
I forgot, like, especially you. You are like.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did I ever do this to you where I

Speaker 2 like they would say your name and I would block the door so you wouldn't go up on stage? No, you didn't do that. Yeah, I used to do that too.
Yeah. And like the opening would be like, let me up.

Speaker 2 I go, no, just wait a minute.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? So there's like no one on stage. They already said your name.
It always gave me a lot of pleasure. But is that bullying, you think? Yeah, it is.
That's how you are, though.

Speaker 2 You just do it. You think I'm a bully? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you really think I'm a bully? Yeah, that's how you are.

Speaker 2 Really? It makes you feel good in your heart. It doesn't make me feel good.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why. I was bullied so hard,

Speaker 2 not only growing up, but in comedy, that it's like when I finally could do it, you know, I didn't,

Speaker 2 you know, I didn't snip the behavior. You know what I mean? I kept it going

Speaker 2 right within myself. So it's like, yes, I did some bullying things.
Do I regret it? I do. I'm sorry.
But it's not that, man, man, get out of here. I'm sorry.
It's not that type of bullying.

Speaker 2 It's not something that you got to be sitting up here grieving about. Like, nah, it's, it's, it's fun and games.
It's practical jokes.

Speaker 2 That's not bullying. I say practical jokes.
That's what you are. You're kind of a prankster.
Okay, well, that's what that's. I have a third apology.
Bobby Lee is a goddamn prankster. I'm a prankster.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I have a third apology. Okay, what's the third?

Speaker 2 Did I?

Speaker 2 Yeah, go on and say it. You know,

Speaker 2 did I do what? Did I hug you for too long?

Speaker 2 Many of you would have considered that.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing.

Speaker 2 Every time I would see dogs, you hug everybody too goddamn long. That was your fucking thing.
I know, but you. You know why?

Speaker 2 Because I think you knew that it embarrassed me, and it fucking like irritated me, and you would do it, and I would just try to laugh it off. And I would go, fucking Bobby, that's how I was.

Speaker 2 How long do you think I would hug you for?

Speaker 2 Like, if you would count the seconds. Longer than a big red commercial.

Speaker 2 yeah, like a minute, yeah, hot, a hot, dot man, so it's so fun to do to hug people for like a minute or two, a minute or two, man. It's it's

Speaker 2 and then after about 45 seconds, I could feel you trying to get out.

Speaker 2 And then what I do, I do under hooks, yeah, you do it under hook, yeah, yeah, and I do electric technology. You do goddamn wrestling techniques in school, yeah, yeah, yeah, you fucking this guy is

Speaker 2 something else, man. Yeah, yeah.
So, now those are the three things that I wanted to apologize. And I do accept my apology, uh,

Speaker 2 Let me think about it, bro. Because

Speaker 2 you know what, Bobby? I'm going to let that go. I'm going to go ahead and forgive you.
Now, let me ask you this then. What's that?

Speaker 2 Are there things that

Speaker 2 you have resentments toward?

Speaker 2 Do you have resentments toward me, and I'd like to hear them. Resentment towards you? Yes, so we can resolve anything.
Is there anything hidden that I'm not aware of or privy to that you

Speaker 2 the only thing that I've ever Here we

Speaker 2 I'm trying to think like the only thing that I've ever but this is something that

Speaker 2 I did it's not even like anger it's just it's more of like disappointment uh-oh you know what I'm saying

Speaker 2 and it's like you know because it's a comedy store so when you're a comic you're like oh I want to get out and do as much time so I was always thought that

Speaker 2 for some reason I had this belief that I said man Bobby gonna start taking me out more I'm gonna do more I'm gonna do more show blah blah blah and it never happened like that and I was like fuck so it was like oh shit I but I did that with a lot of of people it's not just you i just like well maybe this person well maybe this person so it was like i'll be brutally honest with you yeah okay

Speaker 2 it's um

Speaker 2 how do i say this

Speaker 2 the growth that i saw you as an opener i i mean you're hilarious

Speaker 2 there's just something about you up there that like i've always felt that too i've always said that about you okay did i not yeah yeah you've always said that yeah i feel like you're being don't don't be defensive i'm not gonna hurt you no no i ain't care about but what happens is number one,

Speaker 2 I didn't think that you could do the 30 minutes

Speaker 2 at the time, right? Right. And number two,

Speaker 2 I just prefer female openers.

Speaker 2 You know, I used a lot of female features like Jade and

Speaker 2 other guys too. Fahim,

Speaker 2 you used.

Speaker 2 But Fahim Anwar is like. Fahim, you used

Speaker 2 one time.

Speaker 2 Sean

Speaker 2 Kerrigan, you used.

Speaker 2 I don't even know who Sean Kerrigan is. Who the fuck is Sean Kerrigan? Fuck it, if you don't remember.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. I don't know who Sean Kerrigan is.
Yeah, well, them probably the names that you use the most consistent that I know of. No, I'll tell you who I used the most.
Nick Youssef.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you definitely use Nick a lot.

Speaker 2 I used Nick a lot. Okay.
And it was because his style. Here's the problem with you and me, too.

Speaker 2 We're both little. Right.
And cute.

Speaker 2 Right? And we jump around like little jelly beans. You're sexy for me, though.
That's what I got. The old sexiness.
You know, you literally don't. You're doing it right there.
Hey, duck, duck, duck.

Speaker 2 You a hater, man. You've always been hit.

Speaker 2 Duck.

Speaker 2 I bet you your boys back there.

Speaker 2 You literally don't. You're not sexy.
No, no, you're a hater. That's what I'm saying.
I'm not a hater. I'm not a fucking fact.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 But I think you're great.

Speaker 2 You make it like I'm supposed to actually keep a fucking thing. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 2 so you were, you know, you, you were just too close to what I did, I think.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's a second thing. That's another thing.

Speaker 2 But is that it?

Speaker 2 That's all the resentment? Yeah, I don't know. Because I don't.

Speaker 2 What have you done to me to make me. Because this is the type of dude, are you? Let me ask you a question.
If you make me angry about something that I got to resent, I wouldn't even talk to you.

Speaker 2 That's how I am. Oh, yeah, that's Torio.
Bobby's goofy ass. But you know what?

Speaker 2 If you and I

Speaker 2 got charged with a crime

Speaker 2 And you and I were cellmates. Right.
And we got life in prison. Okay.

Speaker 2 And my feeling is this.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 My feeling is this. Is that five years would go by

Speaker 2 and I'm like, I'd be like,

Speaker 2 man,

Speaker 2 I'm not gay, but.

Speaker 2 Just listen, listen.

Speaker 2 Go ahead, dog.

Speaker 2 I'm not gay, but

Speaker 2 I'm sorry as fuck, man. And

Speaker 2 my best friend is doc. We did this crime together so we best friends could be so amazing i know we did the crime together and we're also like we're the same size

Speaker 2 okay

Speaker 2 because you know i don't want to be like you know big t big t you know big t's down the down the row right he's six five he's got a big you know okay gorilla dick and then i'm like you know

Speaker 2 duck has a chimp dick

Speaker 2 so it's like you know

Speaker 2 so i'm like so that would think like i think i want to you know i i think we could be good you know,

Speaker 2 lovers or whatever. So then I'd be like, no, let's say like at night we're sleeping.
Right. Right.

Speaker 2 And we're in bump beds. I'll probably be in the top because I'm older.

Speaker 2 Right. I'm a headliner too.

Speaker 2 Fuck. Yeah, you're in the bottom.
So I slip down a pole, you know, whatever the thing is.

Speaker 2 And I,

Speaker 2 you're laying, I bet you you sleep on your stomach? Nah.

Speaker 2 Do you ever sleep on your stomach? Nah.

Speaker 2 Do you sleep on your side? Yeah. Good.
Perfect. Perfect.
Okay, here we go. Perfect.
Oh, shit. So you're sleeping on your side, right? You already got this pillow.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I crawl up behind you.

Speaker 2 Right? Okay. I'm naked.

Speaker 2 I think I already know where the story is going now. And I start doing

Speaker 2 tiny little kiss taps on your neck. Okay.
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Okay.
What would you do? You know, I'd probably whoop your ass in the steel.

Speaker 2 The guard is going to have to come because you're going to get you. So you're not putting yourself in the scenario.

Speaker 2 I'm in the scenario. No, you're not in the scenario.
No, yeah, I'm there. I'm back to the motherfucker.
Five Five years. I can feel five years of problems.
No, five years.

Speaker 2 Five years we've been in there. Yeah.
Five fucking ten years. Let's make it 10 years.
It don't matter if it's 30. You don't.
Oh, we're still in a deserted island. Deserted island.
No fucking.

Speaker 2 That's it. We'd be just two dudes looking out at the goddamn sea.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't touch me once. Nothing.
For what? All right. It ain't even fucking there.

Speaker 2 But it's true.

Speaker 2 I hope you're not. No, I'm not a humanitarian.

Speaker 2 I'm not a humanitarian.

Speaker 2 This guy.

Speaker 2 God, I'm never on a deserted island.

Speaker 2 Well, I hope not either. I don't want to be on the air with you if I'm going to be sleeping on my side and have to worry about

Speaker 2 any scenario.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? I mean, this is. All right.
How about this then?

Speaker 2 It's fucking memory now. I'm like, I don't want to be.
You're so homophobic. You're so.
It's homophobic. It's not even homophobic.
It's just what you're talking about. How about that we're in Africa?

Speaker 2 In Africa. We're in Africa, right? And we're on a safari.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 And we're not holding hands or anything. We're just friends.
Just friends. Yeah.
Yeah, right. Bobby.
Bobby. And Doug, you know.
You know, good dudes. And

Speaker 2 you hear this.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle, rattle.

Speaker 2 Right? It's a snake. It's a snow.

Speaker 2 It's a snake. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 2 For some reason, my penis is out.

Speaker 2 That means your snake is out. Okay.
Yeah, yeah. Two snakes are out.
Two snakes are out.

Speaker 2 Not snakes in the plane, but

Speaker 2 okay, I feel you. I'm in with you.

Speaker 2 And all of a sudden, the snake,

Speaker 2 it fucking bites my dick.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Ah!

Speaker 2 Someone's got to suck the venom out. Would you suck the venom out?

Speaker 2 Yeah, damn, man. I just wait.
No, no, no. Would you suck the venom out? I'm trying to give you the good answer, man, without breaking your goddamn heart.

Speaker 2 You'd let me die. I'd definitely be thinking about your mom and your family.
You would let me die? Yeah, pray. That's so fucked up.

Speaker 2 Go ahead and let me tell you something right now, right? Okay, what's that? If a

Speaker 2 snake bit you on the penis, right?

Speaker 2 I would suck the venom out, right?

Speaker 2 And just to make you feel better, I'd probably let you come in my mouth. Wow, that's sick.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's

Speaker 2 doing it. But even if you could assume that I'm be hard,

Speaker 2 that right there is just

Speaker 2 that right there is disrespectful. Yeah, yeah, you're making an assumption.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm just automatically gonna get excited off a blow job, but Bobby, you probably use your teeth or whatever. All right, let's let it go.
Let's let it go. It's getting weird.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah, it's getting weird. Yes, yes.
Thick-ass cloud of weirdness. It's just, we,

Speaker 2 yeah. You know, let's suppose we both die.
I die first, though. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 2 When I die, I tell God, I go, let me be the doorman of the Pearly Gates.

Speaker 2 Right? I'm good at checking IDs. And God's like, go ahead.

Speaker 2 You're dead now. And you're waiting in line to get into heaven.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And then I, you know,

Speaker 2 you mean, yo, you want to get in?

Speaker 2 You want to get in? So, because there's an elevator that goes down to hell, you want to get in, right? What would you do with that? I'm gonna tell you, and you don't even have to ask

Speaker 2 me

Speaker 2 before I even get up to the line. I'm gonna go on here and start walking to the elevator, right?

Speaker 2 I'm gonna be like, God damn, bop me as the gateway. I'm fucking going straight to the goddamn elevator.
Fair enough. Okay, move.
Andrew's here. Move, move out of the way.

Speaker 2 I gave up three scenarios.

Speaker 2 What's up, Doc?

Speaker 2 How long? What's the last time you guys see each other? It's been a long time.

Speaker 2 It's been a long time. It's been a long time.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Oh, Sandy.
Hey, baby. Oh, shit.
This is what you guys are going to do? Well, no, here it is.

Speaker 2 This is Kofi Boss.

Speaker 2 This is proof.

Speaker 2 This has always been proof of the culture that I have that you don't have. What? Oh, this is great.
We talked about this before. No, but this is great.
Black people. This is wonderful.

Speaker 2 Black people don't. They think you're funny, but they don't.
It's not the same with me.

Speaker 2 They love me. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't even know how to do this.

Speaker 2 Do it. Do it.
Will you go? No, no, no, no, no, no. We're not doing shit.

Speaker 2 We got to do that.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something. Let me ask you something, right? I'm going to ask you.

Speaker 2 Do you get that from me? Do you think that you're closer to Andrew because Andrew is more in touch of black culture or understands the people better. I don't even feel like it's about closeness.

Speaker 2 I just feel like he's just exactly what the fuck he said. Yeah.
You have no clue.

Speaker 2 That's all in. I mean, we discussed this before you got here.
And for sure.

Speaker 2 We want to embrace this. This is interesting.
It's true. This is really interesting.

Speaker 2 This is really interesting.

Speaker 2 This is an intervention.

Speaker 2 So for the last 20 years, right, that we've been fucking with each other, right?

Speaker 2 You've always felt that about me. That you was, yeah.
There's a disconnect between me and your culture.

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't know. I don't know nothing about the culture.
Bobby. Yeah,

Speaker 2 the statement is wrong. That's what the statement is.

Speaker 2 Reframe it for me. It's like.

Speaker 2 The way you're saying it.

Speaker 2 Say it. Say it in your way.
In an urban way.

Speaker 2 Why don't

Speaker 2 you see, that's what I'm talking about. That's it right there.
I think that's it. That's exactly.

Speaker 2 That's why I'm talking about it. You just said urban bobby.
That's exactly what we're talking about. That's why I'm talking about it.
Black Bobby. Yo, nah, what's up? That's That's not it either.

Speaker 2 That's not it. No.
Urban Bobby's not it? Let me hear Urban Bobby. What's up, dog? Shit.
That's not it? That's perfect. Raise the roof, dog.
Raise the roof.

Speaker 2 Raise the roof.

Speaker 2 Come on, man. That was good.
That was pretty good. Yeah, you did.
That was pretty good. Better help.

Speaker 2 You know, it's really helped me during the pandemic was BetterHelp because I did a lot of therapy through BetterHelp. Me too.
It really changed my life.

Speaker 2 I mean, Andrew, is there anything interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals? It sure is, man. A lot of times,

Speaker 2 we we need someone to talk to. BetterHelp's great because you can start communicating in under 48 hours.
That's right. Yeah, it's not a crisis line.
It's not self-help. It's

Speaker 2 professional counseling done securely online. Services available for clients worldwide.
You can log into your account anytime, anywhere, send a message to your counselor.

Speaker 2 We've talked about this many, many times on this show. Yeah.
They're committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches. You can try it out for yourself.
We both believe in speaking to somebody,

Speaker 2 someone can help you help yourself. BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today, and it's much more affordable than traditional offline counseling.
Financial aid is available.

Speaker 2 Trust me, this is more affordable and more accessible and easier to use than anything you've done before. Go to betterhelp.com/slash bad friends.
That's betterhelp H-Elp.

Speaker 2 Join the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp.

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Speaker 2 Subject of change, terms apply. So I'm so insulted.
Number one. Doc, I miss you, man.
This is so good to see you, bro. Fuck up.
We're connecting. I know, but it's like, it's irritating.

Speaker 2 And you know who I was just shooting a scene with today? Who did I work with today? Who? Kevin Hart. Did you really?

Speaker 2 Kevin Hart. Blackness confirmed.
Kevin even said it. He goes,

Speaker 2 and I said, you know who I'm doing a podcast with? Because he made a joke. We made a joke.
Do you know what Korean hearts are? No, but tell me what. He remember me.
No, look, this is Korean Hearts.

Speaker 2 You've seen this before. This is a Korean hearts.

Speaker 2 This is Kevin? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I said, because we made a joke about Korean hearts. One of the girls on the show, she said this.
And he said, that's funny. And she goes, you don't know.
I said, one of my best friends is Korean.

Speaker 2 She goes,

Speaker 2 oh, really? You hang out with Koreans? I said, yeah, from here, I'm going to work with one of my Korean best friends. And she goes, who? I go, Bobby Lee.
And I turned to Kev.

Speaker 2 I said, comedian, Bobby, you know Bobby Lee. He's a comedian.
What do you think he said? I don't know him.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You know each other. I know, but at that point.
What did he say? I don't know what he said because I wasn't there. He said, that motherfucker get naked? That's what he said.

Speaker 2 That motherfucker to get naked.

Speaker 2 That's what he said.

Speaker 2 I fucking did a movie with them. I didn't fucking move.
You didn't get naked on the movie? One time. Did you get movie? You didn't get naked once.
Not one time did I. Did you really?

Speaker 2 I'm going to get naked on a fucking $150 million fucking movie. Maybe.
No. Maybe.
No. Was it part of the role? No.
There was nothing in it.

Speaker 2 I was wearing armor.

Speaker 2 And he really didn't say that.

Speaker 2 What did he say? No, he said,

Speaker 2 I don't know who the fuck you are.

Speaker 2 No, he said, I love Bobby Lee. He goes, I love Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 I love, he said, I love Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 He was great.

Speaker 2 Anyways.

Speaker 2 Doc, how has this been? Was this abusive? Yeah, yeah, a little bit. Yeah, a little bit.
It's wild. I love Bobby, though.
But here's the thing, though. I'm so comfortable with this guy.

Speaker 2 I was like, ah, breeze. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's easy with him.
Yeah, it's easy. Let me tell you something about,

Speaker 2 I'll tell you the reason why you're on this podcast. because Jules was gone.
He wasn't going to be here, right?

Speaker 2 And I literally, this is not a joke. Okay.
I was watching a documentary about black holes.

Speaker 2 No, I'm being real.

Speaker 2 Let me just finish.

Speaker 2 I know it's uncomfortable. But no, no, no, it's not uncomfortable because black hole is something me and him, this guy would say.
Okay. This guy.

Speaker 2 So what happened with black holes? So, you know, Stephen Hawking's in it, right?

Speaker 2 And there's also a bunch of scientists trying to take a photo of a a black hole, which is black hole, which is like 30, 25,000 light years away. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's very difficult to take a photo. So what they did is they aligned all these satellites from all around the world to take a photo of the same image.
Right.

Speaker 2 And maybe they can take all the information, create, right? So they finally, you know, they finally found, they finally have an image of what an black hole looks like.

Speaker 2 And when it showed it, I don't know why, but it reminded me if Doc's asshole was on fire.

Speaker 2 I laughed. I go, that looks like Doc's asshole on fire, right?

Speaker 2 And then when this came up, I go, I gotta get black hole. I gotta get black hole in it.
You said it so fast.

Speaker 2 When I said, where's Rudy? You go, black hole's coming.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So it just kind of, I don't know why the connection there, but there's just something fiery about his situation. You don't remember? That's something you would say to me.

Speaker 2 I want to get in that little tiny black hole.

Speaker 2 You're right, right, right, right, right. You tried to sexually assault Doc? Yeah, no, no, no, I was just joking, but

Speaker 2 there you go, though.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's not sexual assault when both people are online on this. For sure.
For sure. If he's part of the party, it's fine.
Right.

Speaker 2 Doc, what's been going on?

Speaker 2 I want to talk to you a minute. Did you guys talk a little bit about what's going on?

Speaker 2 Yeah, let me just, let me just, may I be your representative? Well,

Speaker 2 let me just tell you. Say no.

Speaker 2 Apparently,

Speaker 2 he's getting a lot of pussy.

Speaker 2 Why do you say, why would you say no? Because let me ask you this. How long have you known Doc?

Speaker 2 How many years?

Speaker 2 At least.

Speaker 2 He came to the store about 08?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's got to be that long. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, what's that, 12 years? I don't know. I know for 20.
So, yeah, we know. Okay, so

Speaker 2 out of all the times that

Speaker 2 you've seen him, did you ever see him with a woman? What do you mean? And you hang out with a girl. Yes, I did, actually.
Yeah, multiple times. Where? I saw Doc out to dinner one time.

Speaker 2 I saw him at a really nice steakhouse. He was out to dinner with two females.

Speaker 2 Two tall bitches. All right.
Well, then that confirms his point of view. And he had on a pimp suit.
He had on a three-point suit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there it is. There it is.

Speaker 2 He did. Driving Bentley? But I said to Doc, the one thing I did say to him, he was in this booth with these two beautiful, tall, like model bitches.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And he had his arms around both of them. Yeah, yeah.
And I said, how tall are these girls? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because Doc is not a tall guy. Yeah, yeah.
And then I come up to him, I go, what's going on? 5'3. 5'3? And then he goes like this to me.
He goes, like this. Like, I don't want to blow up a spot.

Speaker 2 Right. So when the girls leave, he goes, why don't you girls go out? I'll meet you outside.
Yeah. And then he hopped out of the booth.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And when he got to, you know, then, then it was like this out of the table.

Speaker 2 And he said, don't blow up my shit.

Speaker 2 Are you 5'3, Doc? That's funny because him and I stood up. Did you on this show?

Speaker 2 And I'm an inch taller than him, right? And I know, but check it out. Did you flatten the head? No.
Check it out. I'm an inch taller than him.
He says he's 5'3 ⁇ . When you think I'm 5'2 ⁇ .

Speaker 2 5'2 ⁇ , you are. So he's 5'

Speaker 2 No, but first of all, that would be 5'1.

Speaker 2 You're bad at math. Yeah, 5'1, I mean.
Yeah, he's 5'1. He's 5'1.
Fine. I'm not 5'1.
But you know what? I've been measured, bro. Okay, but you know what?

Speaker 2 He may be short,

Speaker 2 but he's got a pipe.

Speaker 2 You don't think he's got a pipe bigger than yours?

Speaker 2 I have no question it's bigger than mine. That's what I'm saying.
So that's why he doesn't care that he's short.

Speaker 2 If he doesn't have bigger Peters than me, he should kill himself.

Speaker 2 That's why his ego isn't in question. When you say you're short, he doesn't care because he's packing.
I don't care. You get sensitive about it because it's a thing.

Speaker 2 Round belly, small penis, tiny guy. That gets in your own brain.
It doesn't. He doesn't give a shit.

Speaker 2 Well, then why do you think that? Do you give a shit about what I look like? Why are you insulting it that he doesn't get women? Why do you think I'm not insulting? Because Bobby. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 2 Bobby

Speaker 2 told me I was a nerd, Andrew.

Speaker 2 He's a fucking nerd. That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Speaker 2 And he just won't take it.

Speaker 2 You're a fucking nerd. Yeah, yeah.
You're a fucking nerd. Yeah.
I'm a nerd. But what do you think? I'm not ashamed of it.
He's not a nerd. He looks like one, though, now.
Why?

Speaker 2 What is it? Tell me what it is that makes him a nerd. I went to a Renaissance Fair once.

Speaker 2 I went to a Renaissance Fair once, right? No.

Speaker 2 Not even kidding. I saw a little black man.
An LP. Yeah,

Speaker 2 an LPB. Yeah.
On a horse.

Speaker 2 On a pony. It was probably a full-size horse.

Speaker 2 It was a pony. And he had one of those miniature, like, you know,

Speaker 2 a little javelin? A little

Speaker 2 joust stick. Joust?

Speaker 2 Yeah. It was one of those things.
But it was a toothpick. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And I go, Doc?

Speaker 2 And he turned around, and it was like same glasses, same hairdo. Hold up.
You told me this story. Is this real? Because I thought you told me you've seen somebody that looked just like me.

Speaker 2 That's what I was saying. I'm not lying.
Oh, fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So once I go, they're the same type. Oh, you're in the same way.
In my head, this yeah, this is the same kind of guy, right?

Speaker 2 Like Urkaly.

Speaker 2 Erkly? Yeah, Urkel. He's got a little Urkely.
Yeah. Right? So I'm like, you know, there's, you know, there are black Urkels out there.
But Urkel is black. That's true.
Urkel was black.

Speaker 2 There'd be white Urkles out there.

Speaker 2 There's all kinds of Urkels out there. There are.
There are probably billions of Asian Urkels. There's so many Asian Urkels.
Yeah, so many, right? But. Urko.
Urkl. Yeah, Ukol.
Urko. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, um. You thought that was his.
So when I saw him, I got, when I saw the guy at the Renaissance Fair, I go, oh, there's, you know, I just made a, I put him all in one box. Right.

Speaker 2 And, um, and I walked up to him the next time, you know, after I got back from the Renaissance Fair, and I go, are you a nerd? And he got so offended. He got upset about it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because here's another thing. But you asked him.
You didn't call him a nerd. No, I asked him gently.
Like, are you a dork? I whispered in his ear, I go. You don't have any nerdish qualities.

Speaker 2 I don't know where he's. That's what I'm trying to think about.
He doesn't have any dork shit. Bobby's world.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Bobby's world. He's not a nerd, dude.
Would you say Jordan Peel's a nerd? Yes. Compared to me? Yeah, 100%.
That's not even in competition. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But Jordan would probably say he's nerdy. But here's another fascinating thing that we didn't even talk about.
I know about Doc. What?

Speaker 2 And I don't know why. It just makes me laugh.
And don't be offended by it. Well, all right.
Don't be offended by it.

Speaker 2 It makes me laugh. And I giggled the first time you told me because I visualized it and it just it just made me giggle, okay? Okay.
Is Doc used to be a gang member?

Speaker 2 Just tickle your face.

Speaker 2 So I don't know why that just makes, puts joy in my heart.

Speaker 2 What gang was it? The mashed potato gang. No, no.

Speaker 2 Back in the Detroit was the Gucci boys. The Gucci boys.
The Gucci boys? Yeah. I love that.

Speaker 2 Were you the runner? I mean, what happens?

Speaker 2 Give me a lollipop.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 the bit that you hear me talk about, me me being a coat holder the first time we fought,

Speaker 2 that was actually

Speaker 2 the coat holder. Yeah, it was coat holder in the beginning.
But then after a while, it broke out. So you have to, did you have to kill someone? Did you have to kill him? Hey, man, this is a podcast.

Speaker 2 No, I am not. And even

Speaker 2 Nev Nevada was a coat holder. Yeah, coat holder.
What does that mean? Coat hanger. He would put his arms up like this and they took their coat hanger.

Speaker 2 They just started throwing their coats at me whenever we got ready to fight. When they were ready to fight, you hold my shit.
And then they just started fighting. I was holding everybody's jacket.

Speaker 2 It would be funny, though, if you just stood there like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So that, so when did you move up? Like, you have jackets on your face.
So it's coat holder, then what's the next one? What's the next level?

Speaker 2 It wasn't even like, I don't think, it wasn't like I was a designated coat holder. It was just automatically.
They just

Speaker 2 because you were small. Yeah.
You know what I'm saying? Okay. But then it was like

Speaker 2 there was other small guys, but they just, for some reason, just, hold my jacket, hold my jacket. It was just out of nowhere.
I was like, what the fuck? I thought I was going to be fighting.

Speaker 2 Because I think they sensed a nerdy quality to you. No.
Fucking Bobby.

Speaker 2 No, I think that's what they sensed. They might not have seen him.
They might have just thrown their jacket and he was down there and the coach just fell.

Speaker 2 So dick. Yeah.
Doc, you know what I really want to know about the gang shit? Yeah. And you don't have to expose your personal shit, but do people get beat in? Yeah.
Like, okay. I didn't.

Speaker 2 You didn't get beat in? No. Did you watch, did you, did you beat someone in? No.
But you watched people get beat in. Yep.
Is that the worst shit to see or the most fun?

Speaker 2 It's fun because

Speaker 2 it's within. So they're not really trying to kill them or nothing.
Right, they just want to get it. Yeah, to see how tough they can handle it.
Could you imagine

Speaker 2 getting the shipped out of you by your master? My friend. You're talking about black guys and everything.

Speaker 2 They beat your ass for like two minutes straight, three minutes straight, and then they're cool with you.

Speaker 2 But our gang was kind of... Detroit gangs are a little bit different.
What do you mean? They more,

Speaker 2 it's more about money and crack, especially back then. Yeah.
Jumping you in was just like

Speaker 2 only a few, I only seen it like maybe once happen. Did you sell rock yeah crack heroin weed I was out I thought you used to sell weed I didn't know you sold rock no I sold everything goddamn

Speaker 2 did you make good money yeah what was the most money you made today selling rock

Speaker 2 I'll tell you the fastest I made on the corner and this is the corner with about 10 to 15 of us

Speaker 2 I made 500 an hour 500 an hour selling crack yeah what the fuck are we doing in Hollywood that was the 80s the 80s was cracking. Man, comedy is for somebody.

Speaker 2 I feel like it was the corner where the Toys R Us.

Speaker 2 For some reason, the Toys R Us. Well, the steel was selling crack.
Yeah, yeah. People coming out of the Build a Bear.
Y'all want to buy some pressure?

Speaker 2 Was your voice this deep when you were a child?

Speaker 2 Yeah, kind of. You probably always sounded like that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know how powerful, for people that don't understand, and let's give a moment of respect,

Speaker 2 how influential Doc is to our home. The comedy store, Doc, was.

Speaker 2 Can I go first, though, because I started it. That's true.
Doc,

Speaker 2 Doc Forever will have embedded in the culture of the store, whether you like it or not, will always have the respect because you were a figurehead of that place.

Speaker 2 And you couldn't go around that club and not. Talk about you being a part of it

Speaker 2 for the history of the club. Because for real, that.
Yeah. Like that, everyone knows, like, what's up, Drew? Everyone knows, everyone's got their doc impression.
Mine was always like, what's up, Drew?

Speaker 2 And he was always happy to see me. And for you, was, hey, Bobby,

Speaker 2 down.

Speaker 2 But you, but you really did, forever, of the people that will be cemented there. Oh, yeah.
Whether you like it or not, you were such a figureheader. You were embedded in the culture of the club.
100%.

Speaker 2 And I remember when the people there, man. So, you know, they would go, what's up, doc? So that's.

Speaker 2 It meant a lot. That is what I was doing.
But it was real. No, what I was going to say is,

Speaker 2 you know, there were certain people there like

Speaker 2 Jeff.

Speaker 2 Jeff Scott. Rest in peace.

Speaker 2 He died? He did. I'm kidding.

Speaker 2 He got shot.

Speaker 2 No, he didn't. Like 13 times.
No, he didn't. He got shot.
That's how he died. Jeff Scott didn't get shot.
What happened? They just died from a heart attack. Oh.
Yeah. I thought he got shot.

Speaker 2 No, another guy died that way. Who? Some customer last year.
I was there when that guy got shot. Oh, 2015.
I was there when that guy got shot on the patio. Yeah, I was there.

Speaker 2 Well, I went there that night. I was off that night.
I was there that night. I was in the back, in the fucking back by the hallway when that guy got shot.
You know what happened to him?

Speaker 2 That guy got out of his car. He went up to his chest and shot him.
He got back in his shot. Did you see the body? What do you mean?

Speaker 2 I heard the gunshots. We ran back by hollow ground.
Then by the time I came out and cops and amules were there, he was there on the ground. That's so crazy.
It was fucking gross.

Speaker 2 It was right on the front patio. Was there blood everywhere? I mean, not as much as you thought.
Isn't that weird? I thought it was going to be more blood. Yeah, yeah.
It was enough.

Speaker 2 What's so funny? I don't know. I'm just laughing.
It was so funny.

Speaker 2 It was nasty. It was wild, though.
Was it a white guy? No, it was a black guy. Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 here's what it was.

Speaker 2 Here's what it was. A lot of white guys getting shot from fucking gang-related shootings? The guy...
was actually visiting the Andas. He had nothing to do with the store.

Speaker 2 So he came five minutes after he left the Andas to come over there because Trippin's Tuesday show ended. He just came over there to have a drink on a paddock.
He was having a drink, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then five minutes later, a guy ran across the street and shot him up.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 so what it is, is the guy. But he didn't shoot anybody else, which I was, I thought, that guy was from New York.
Right. And it was a New York hit on him.
But I'm saying, give the guy props.

Speaker 2 Did they catch the guy? They didn't spray into a crowd. Back in New York, it started like a big war, and they caught the guys and they arrested some guys.
Not here in L.A. And it's not in LA.

Speaker 2 I had a whole history there.

Speaker 2 He got away.

Speaker 2 I know. He got back to New York and then there was some sort of war in New York.
But it started a gang. This was like a gang hit.
Yeah. That's why they didn't shoot into the crowd.

Speaker 2 He got out of his, he went right up to his chest and shot him in point blank. That was a drug dealer hit.
It's wild. So it is pretty wild.

Speaker 2 It's not like the crypt and blood. It was like drug and, you know what I'm saying? Like they actually like a hit for him.
That was a hit. He was,

Speaker 2 he did something he shouldn't have done. Can I go back to my compliment or please? Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 I really want to hear this, Bobby. I want to say that you,

Speaker 2 not only were you

Speaker 2 a part of the store, like you were part of the building, right?

Speaker 2 I also saw you develop. Like, in the beginning, when I saw you,

Speaker 2 you weren't that good. Right.
Right.

Speaker 2 Nobody was that good. It took him a little longer, I think.

Speaker 2 Okay. Would you agree with that? Yeah, that's because I wasn't hitting the mics like I should have.
It's fine. I'm not.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? It's not a bad thing.

Speaker 2 All right. So, um,

Speaker 2 but eventually you started, you, I feel like you started finding your voice. Right.

Speaker 2 And I remember one time you were on stage and you were killing, right? And I just thought to myself, I wish I was in prison with the guy.

Speaker 2 Always go back to the old bunk man, huh?

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No, but I honestly like, and when you left, to me, it's like, um,

Speaker 2 number one, you never got past there, right? Yeah, you did get past there? No, no, no, I never got past. Yeah, I think that's the crime.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I think that's the crime, and I think that's what made you leave, right? Yeah, 100%.
Yeah. I watched your last set.
Well, also, but, but

Speaker 2 be honest with you, it's like, I never became a hot guy as a stand-up, period, anyway. So the main reason why I wanted to leave, I said, let me just see what I can just push myself.

Speaker 2 Because it's something I'm not doing.

Speaker 2 For me to have to do it, I don't have to depend on the story. Look at all the people that come through there that never got passed.
Louis wasn't passed by her. Louis C.K.
I know, I know.

Speaker 2 So it's like... Seinfeld, right? I had to be honest with myself.
So I left based on that, but I was more, I left more so because I just was disappointed in Pauli and him and what happened. Right.

Speaker 2 You know, because Adam, everybody think I was mad at Adam. I'm like, nah, Adam ain't got nothing to do with why I left.
I just left because of all I went through there. I said, I'm gone.
So

Speaker 2 that was me. How many years? You were there for how many years? 12.
Man. 11 and a half.
And so what are you doing now? You're doing stand-up now?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I still do. I hit mics and I do little shows here.
I got two little shows tomorrow. Where? Right here at the Comedy Chateau.

Speaker 2 I'm doing a little five-minute spot over there and then doing a little show with Kathy Lewis in Riverside. Oh, cool.
Still the grind? Still grinding. Still grinding.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, just hitting it. Yeah.
I think

Speaker 2 we need to help you a little more. Hey, man.

Speaker 2 I just really want to do stand-up, man. I get it.

Speaker 2 I get it. Well, let's do this.
But, you know, Bobby's taken from you so much. What can he give to you?

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 You've just taken

Speaker 2 so many people. I've helped him so much.
Well, to help him more then?

Speaker 2 Did you?

Speaker 2 Did you ever open for Andrew? He's open for me.

Speaker 2 Why? He wouldn't open for me. I've never asked him.
Yeah, he's never asked me.

Speaker 2 I've never asked asked anybody.

Speaker 2 I asked you to do it. Everybody wants to ask me.
So, I mean, I feel like I've done more than you have. Maybe.

Speaker 2 100%, 100%. But it's just different with Doc.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 In fact, you're here, not because of him. But you're not a store guy guy.
You're here because

Speaker 2 you're here because of me. But you're a store guy.
He's a store guy, but you're a

Speaker 2 born and raised store guy. That's right.
So you have a method that you was taught and that was inherently given to you through Miss. You worked with me.
Which guys like him,

Speaker 2 90% of the guys that come, that's just regulars like him, they never take it. He is not organic store.
With the exception of like Al Galjugo, I'm real.

Speaker 2 That's what you're saying, right? I'm real store. I mean, you know, he's not real store.

Speaker 2 No, he's like, he's a fucking real store. No, you're not.
He's a real story. Am I not real store? Yeah, he's definitely in real story.
Who's more real? Who's more real? Andrew Ryan, be honest.

Speaker 2 Real store? What the fuck is innocuous bullshit thing?

Speaker 2 Honestly. No, because it's a fake question.

Speaker 2 Real store. What the fuck does that mean? No, you both got passed by Missy, so you both real.

Speaker 2 You know, goddamn well. You mean real store or real board? You used to work? Born and raised.
Okay, born and raised. And then, yeah.
Yeah, that's me. Yeah, because you used to work there.

Speaker 2 No, it's not beyond that. Yeah, you worked there, you fucking scumbag.
That's the only reason why you're.

Speaker 2 That's the only reason because you slummed the phones and I didn't do that. No, that's.
That's the only difference. I put in the same fucking work that you did.

Speaker 2 Shut the fuck up. You don't get to throw around bullshit.
Why are you getting so angry? Because I get to defend myself.

Speaker 2 Let me finish my point, though. Can I finish my point? Fuck you, man.

Speaker 2 All right. My point is this, right?

Speaker 2 You're like, I'll tell you what you're like. You're like Spade.
See?

Speaker 2 You're good. Spade? Yeah, you got good and you got a name.
Then you got into the store that way. I got good at the store.
Or I started at the store and I grew up. Did I start at the fucking store?

Speaker 2 He watched me start at the store. Are you out of your mind? I was there when me and fucking Dahlia saw you for the first time.
We started at the store. Yeah.
And we and we

Speaker 2 didn't get good and come to the store.

Speaker 2 Let's stop arguing. I'm not arguing with you.
I'm just throwing facts down, man. Relax.

Speaker 2 All right. And I remember me and Delia looked at each other, and we saw you perform, and we've told you the story before.
I remember. Right? And you killed.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who kills like that if they're not developed already? Think. I develop at the club.
No, you didn't. Yes, you were good already.
He saw me. How many nights? You saw me at the club pulling late nights.

Speaker 2 You weren't doing stand-up because I wasn't going to be able to do it.

Speaker 2 You weren't there for the late night spots. When I was getting late nighters,

Speaker 2 you weren't fucking there.

Speaker 2 He was there. Listen.
Let Doc say. But I was going to ask you, you didn't do comedy before that?

Speaker 2 At the club? Yeah. I was doing other shit.
Oh, I don't know. But the store is where I went every fucking night.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, I would go do a show in

Speaker 2 fucking Santa Monica, back the old Westside theater. Oh, so you weren't in the clubs all over.
No. Oh, so the store?

Speaker 2 The first club that passed me was the improv, but back then,

Speaker 2 you didn't, it wasn't the same.

Speaker 2 You would get past, and then they'd give you a spot once a fucking month. Yeah, yeah.
So you weren't there. With the club, I could go every night.
Fine. Thank you.
All right.

Speaker 2 It's like, you're like a guy. I am a fucking guy.
I know. You're like a guy.
Like, if I was born in this country and you moved here when you were 10,

Speaker 2 immigrant. Not an immigrant, but you're kind of still American, kind of.
You're going to tell me to go back to my country.

Speaker 2 Go back to the fucking improv.

Speaker 2 Go back to the improv because we don't need you.

Speaker 2 You're not real. Who are you talking to? You didn't even go to the store anymore.
Well, really, I was there last night going tonight and tomorrow.

Speaker 2 See, something is talking.

Speaker 2 It's you.

Speaker 2 It's not mine. My phone's off.
It's got to be you. It's not me.

Speaker 2 I ain't got no money. It's Bobby or it's downstairs.
It's Bobby. It's Bobby.
They can fucking hear it. What, what? Open your phone up and find out what's going on.
You're probably on a call still.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 We can hear it. It's not me.

Speaker 2 You're out of your fucking mind. The boys can hear it, can't you, boys? We just heard it.
Did you like...

Speaker 2 It's not my phone. Grab my phone.
There's nothing on here. Her.

Speaker 2 You're so stupid. It's like you're losing an argument.
No, I'm not losing.

Speaker 2 You present.

Speaker 2 See what he does? It's called gaslighting. Yeah, it's called gaslighting.

Speaker 2 It's his favorite thing to fucking do.

Speaker 2 But I'm just saying that, you know, I just want to settle this right now, okay? You're a store guy through and through. 100%.
I'm more store. Let's move on.

Speaker 2 I mean, fine. It's a fact.

Speaker 2 It's fine. I mean, I'm funnier there, but yeah, you're good.
Yeah, you do well. Okay, that's fine.
Please don't. You do do well.

Speaker 2 I just say, man. Andrew.

Speaker 2 I mean, Doc. I was fired on you.
No, bro.

Speaker 2 No, you're funny. You're so much funnier than I am.
I know. And you kill better.
I know. And you're a better comic.
I know. Okay.
Better actor. You're everything better.
I know. Yeah, you fuck better.

Speaker 2 I know. Everything's better.
I know. Okay.

Speaker 2 But you feel good? But you're an original store guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's what you got.
Yeah. Well, you got it.
I did get it.

Speaker 2 And you're just a visitor.

Speaker 2 A faker.

Speaker 2 I'm a faker? Yeah, you're not real. Do you want to start? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Let's start.

Speaker 2 So I thought. Demons is coming out.

Speaker 2 These claws will fucking start gripping.

Speaker 2 So anyway, let's move past. I'm happy that you're back, by the way.
I missed you. I missed you so much.

Speaker 2 Who called you? Who called you while you were gone? Where were you? I was in New York. And you went to New York.
I call him all the fucking time to see how he is.

Speaker 2 Love New York. I love going to fucking New York.
I miss going. I feel like I don't get opportunities to go anymore.
And also now, New York is so much hotter than L.A.

Speaker 2 comedy-wise, that I feel like they're alive over there. We feel like we're in this weird coma.
Like we're just getting out of it. I've always been the best cell.

Speaker 2 I know, but even post-COVID, I'm saying it's alive as fuck. I I went to the cellar.
It's bumping.

Speaker 2 It's not like that at the store. I don't know, man.
What do you mean? Did you go to the cellar? No, but what I do feel, though, because, you know, I'm staying in Brooklyn.

Speaker 2 No D on the end. Just Brooklyn.
It's pretty Brooklyn. Brooklyn.
Yeah, no, it's Brooklyn. No, it's not Brooklyn.
I was in Brooklyn.

Speaker 2 Which is what I said twice. I don't know where you get the D.

Speaker 2 Maybe it's my phone, but.

Speaker 2 Did anybody else hear a D? I heard a D. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I was in, I said it wrong. In Brooklyn.
Brooklyn? Yeah. And I'm walking about in town, right? Yeah.
In Brooklyn.

Speaker 2 Correct. Right.
And

Speaker 2 there's a lot of bad friends fans. A big time.
Right. And they're like, what are you doing here? We never thought you.

Speaker 2 Some guy goes, I just never thought I'd ever see you here. You're shooting on the stages, that's why, right? In Brooklyn?

Speaker 2 No, I was shooting on the stages, but the hotel is right in the middle of, you know, white. Wait, why? The stages are in Manhattan? It's in Brooklyn.
No, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 You're shooting the stages in Brooklyn. That's why they put you over there.
And you're walking the streets all day just meeting bad friends people? Yeah, it was amazing. That fool's a fool.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, who you fucking? He said, Dead fan? Yeah. Yeah, that fan.
Death fan was there. What are you talking about, Dead Fan? I thought that's what you said.
I couldn't even understand.

Speaker 2 He's just like Rudy. I know.

Speaker 2 I know. That's why I picked him.
I thought you said that. Bad Friends fan.
The show. Oh, Bad Friends.
Oh, my bad. I thought you said Dad Fan.
Doc,

Speaker 2 you said, Dot, Dot, Dot, Dot, Dot, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, D, I said goose. If you play back the recording, I said bad friends.

Speaker 2 I don't know where you get that fan from. My bad.
That's what it sounds like to me. I was over here like, that fan ain't got that many fans in New York? That's crazy.
Wait,

Speaker 2 let me back this up. Yeah.
Fuck.

Speaker 2 Have you been getting a lot of ass lately? Is that what I missed? Did I miss a lot of you?

Speaker 2 This is what it is. Yeah.
I've been trying to find how to get this goddamn comedy going. So that's where I've been.
Yeah. Just trying to do that and working at a regular part-time job with Amazon.

Speaker 2 That's all I've been doing. What are are you doing with Amazon? Just doing some shopping.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, they give me an iPhone, people shop, and then I go and shop for the food for them, put them in bags, and then they send them off. That's it.
That's easy. That's an easy job.

Speaker 2 You do it at the warehouse or is it at a store? Both. Well, one of them ain't even, it's not a warehouse per se.

Speaker 2 It's more of a just like a big shopping center with just us in there, no customers, or nothing. And we just shop.
Do you put in headphones? You don't have to talk to anybody?

Speaker 2 They don't let us no more.

Speaker 2 Why? Because

Speaker 2 safety regulations. Go on to do your thing.
Doc, do you have an Instagram? Yeah. what's what is it? Doc Willis comedy.
Can you believe this guy asked me? I don't even fuck. Do you follow it?

Speaker 2 Do you have a podcast? No.

Speaker 2 Why wouldn't you have a podcast with a voice like this?

Speaker 2 Listen to the smoothness of that book. It's so smooth.
Will you introduce this show, real quick?

Speaker 2 Will you go, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bad Friends podcast featuring Andrew Santino, Bobby Lee, and me, Doc Willis. Say that real smoothly.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bad Friends Comp.

Speaker 2 Take two. Take two.
Go ahead. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Bad Friends podcast with Bobby Lee and my boy, Andrew Santino.
Great.

Speaker 2 Damn, that's good. Would you say this to me, but

Speaker 2 notice how we put my boy in front of me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm just saying like it.
Do this.

Speaker 2 Go deeper, Bobby.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying that.

Speaker 2 No, because I'm throwing a football. Oh, the football.
Oh, go deeper, Bobby. No, slow it down, though.

Speaker 2 Go deeper, Bobby. Good.

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 2 It's hard to say for some reason. So slower.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I really got to do this for this guy, man. There you go.
All right. You know what? For you.
It's my show. Go deeper, Bobby.
Doc. You see my face, though.
But now imagine, Doc, now imagine

Speaker 2 Bobby is

Speaker 2 Bobby's.

Speaker 2 You're locked in a room, Doc. You're locked, and he's got to smash on the door.

Speaker 2 No, you're, and then you say, say, go harder, Bobby, because he's got to smash the room. Smash the door.
Say that one. Yeah.
Let me do it, because I'm envisioning. He's got to go harder, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Slow it down, though. Slow it down.
Deeper voice. Go harder, Bobby.
I like that. I like that a lot.
Yeah. Give him another one.
And then it's like, imagine now.

Speaker 2 Just imagine that you guys are

Speaker 2 making.

Speaker 2 You're hard-boiled in. You're hard-boiling eggs, hard-boiled eggs.

Speaker 2 And you got to take them out before they get too hard. Otherwise, you know what I mean? It gets bad.

Speaker 2 So say,

Speaker 2 ooh, take it out, Bobby. Ooh, take it out, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Real slow twice.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, this is for the

Speaker 2 face we animated. This is this, okay.
This is this. Disacting.

Speaker 2 Oh, take him out, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Take it out. It's just one egg.
One egg. Yeah, it's one egg.
So he's only boiling one egg. Boiling one egg.
He says nothing hungry about it. He's not making a salad or nothing.
No. Okay.

Speaker 2 Ooh, take it out, Bobby. Perfect.

Speaker 2 I got one. All right.
You got it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm coming to your house.
I'm coming. I'm a final.
I'm going to knock on your door, right? Just say slowly, come inside, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Let him in the house. No, come inside, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Come inside. Come inside, Bobby.

Speaker 2 That sounds real inviting.

Speaker 2 It sounds warm and welcome.

Speaker 2 Warm and welcome. It feels good, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, good.

Speaker 2 I don't know where I feel.

Speaker 2 So fucked up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, we love you. We're just kidding.
You know, I really, you know, I fuck with you, but, you know. That's what it is.
That's what our relationship is.

Speaker 2 I want to ask you a real question. When you did leave, when you did leave the store,

Speaker 2 what did you say to adam

Speaker 2 did you say goodbye to anybody the like or did you say goodbye to everybody because everybody knew i was leaving and they they threw they actually threw me like a i know

Speaker 2 but i'm saying did you i know that but i mean did you something did you privately go up to people and say some or no did you ever did you ever did you ever go up to anybody and and have your final goodbyes like a fuck you to anybody that you didn't like nah no but let me ask you this because it wasn't are there guys that you didn't like ain't nobody worked for all other guys you didn't like there were guys that you couldn't there was for sure guys you didn't like Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I wouldn't even say,

Speaker 2 yeah, that I did. Yeah, it's definitely guys I didn't like, but it's not.

Speaker 2 They ain't worth my energy. They ain't worth my time.
I don't be. Who's the biggest asshole to you in the lot? In the lot.

Speaker 2 I'm at. I'm at.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 It's like, I can't even.

Speaker 2 It's like, it's a given. It's a given.

Speaker 2 Can I tell y'all what happened? I love Dallas.

Speaker 2 I love this. All right.
So what happened with him was, you know how I parked the cars, and this is back when when they used to be crazy on the lot, right? Right. Jam-packed.

Speaker 2 Okay, just to let people know, right? The parking lot probably legally fits seven cars.

Speaker 2 Yeah, six or seven cars. They fit 20 to 30 cars.
I'm not exactly.

Speaker 2 Where there is a Hyatt next door or Andes, right? A hotel. A hotel.
And there's a gigantic driveway that goes on. That's the driveway.

Speaker 2 They made some sort of deal where we could park our cars along that railing. Just on the rail.
All the way up to the house. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 I've seen Chris Rock's car be towed. I mean, crazy shit.

Speaker 2 So it's a cluster fuck, to say the least. And I've done it before.
And I did it one night. And I don't know if it was an Asian or whatever, but they just said you can't do it again.
You do. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Your sheer disregard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For your own.

Speaker 2 You know how I drive. Oh, yeah.
I don't think they're going to do it. Asian.
It's just a bad drive. Period.
I know, you know.

Speaker 2 So tell me, what do you do?

Speaker 2 So he says, dog, get my car.

Speaker 2 And then I get his car and I pull it it out. I move all the cars.
You know how you got to do the goddamn Tetris in the back. Yeah, yeah.
I move it, get it. And then he's not ready to go.

Speaker 2 So I fucking had to get other people out. I had to maneuver again to move people back and put his shit back.
And then he came out again 30 minutes later and was like, I got to go. And I go, fuck.

Speaker 2 And I do it again. Yeah.
And then he leaves again.

Speaker 2 I'll go with the fall. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 he comes back out. I move all the cars to then I move all the cars on the ramp.
This time it's like 1130. It's jam-packed.
This is when everybody's there. Yeah, that's like so.

Speaker 2 I move all the cars on the ramp, and I had to put three cars on sunset. So I had to block the driveway of the Hyatt for people to go in and coming out.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 So, and the car I was in, I had to come out to the second lane on the other side of that and block that whole lane.

Speaker 2 Our man pulls up

Speaker 2 and he starts talking to Chris Delia from the truck for like five minutes.

Speaker 2 This motherfucker. Then he, and then

Speaker 2 the police come and they honk the siren at me. Hey, move your car, you're blocking.
I go, man, this guy. So I pulled the fuck, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I pull back in. He's still talking.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Then he's like, okay, Doc, I want to go. I go, you want to fucking go now? And he's like, okay.
So I pull back out and block the traffic again.

Speaker 2 Now, mind you, the cars are still blocking the driveway of all the cars trying to get out. Right.
Like, they're stuck now. I got a line there.
Everybody's honking at me.

Speaker 2 And they're like, who's this little black Gary Cole? You know what I'm saying? He's fucking doing. right?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I pull back out. He pulls up, and then he stops and starts talking to Neil Brennan.
Now, by this time, the cops see what's going on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they yell from the siren to him, hey, no, no, actually, I get out the car and I start yelling at him. Yeah, I'm in, what the fuck? Yeah, why don't you look at this? Yeah, this is crazy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and then he pulls up and he says, Hey, doc, you know, you should have a little bit more zen about this. It's Zen.
Are you fucked?

Speaker 2 Do you see this shit? Like, man, he was like, you know, that's a little bit too much. And then the cop yells from the speakerphone, hey, move your car.
You have all the traffic back up.

Speaker 2 He's like, oh, okay, officer. All right.
I'm like, oh, you want to listen to the officer. Yeah.
You don't want to listen to him. Man, shit.
That was like.

Speaker 2 And then the next day he came in. We got into an argument about it.
Oh, you got to do a fight about it. And then he,

Speaker 2 and then like, it was something I had to do later on. And I wanted to contact him about something.

Speaker 2 And he fucking blocked me on Facebook and deleted me.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, fuck. So I was just like, that was it for you.
Yeah, that was like, fuck. But we, after that, I think we had made up after that.

Speaker 2 But it was just like, that was like the word, like the worst I've ever.

Speaker 2 Most bullshit you dealt with. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know, man. That just triggered me that story.

Speaker 2 Did it? A little bit, yeah. Because of the past? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It brings up a lot. It triggered me.
Bobby is so maniacal. He plans someone's demise.
And when he watches them fall, he sits in his underwear in his little room exercise

Speaker 2 with his little fingers. Yes, you love that shit.

Speaker 2 You love watching your enemies get falling. Listen, listen.

Speaker 2 I'm in real deep therapy right now. Just hear me out, okay? And I'm addressing all that stuff, right? Is it today? Did you go today? Yesterday I did.
How was it? It was good. But my point is, is that

Speaker 2 there's issues that I look at. Like, I ask, why do I do do certain things? Why do I behave in the way I behave? It's like,

Speaker 2 a lot of it's just fear, really. Well, a fear of what?

Speaker 2 Rejection. And I also have, I avoid things because I fear trauma, right?

Speaker 2 And it's like,

Speaker 2 I'll just give you an example.

Speaker 2 The two jobs that I'm doing right now, right, which is... the reservation dogs and sex in the city, are two jobs that in the beginning I turned down because of fear.

Speaker 2 Fear that you couldn't come, uh, couldn't just, I just, you know, one of them was a doctor. It's like,

Speaker 2 do I even know how to do that? To be a doctor. Yeah, and the other one was something else.
Do I know how to do that? And it turns out that I can, you know what I mean? I do.

Speaker 2 And, you know, but it's like, but before I would just not do things because of fear.

Speaker 2 Because things, you know, so that's something that, you know. That you're working through.
Yeah. And it's also, I do have this thing where I get slighted by people and I.
um by who

Speaker 2 by people enemies

Speaker 2 yeah who's slighting you it's not a slight it's like like one time i want to name the person but two years ago before the pandemic

Speaker 2 i

Speaker 2 was in the or

Speaker 2 and the guy i was martin lawrence literally i was literally next yeah and he goes but bobby lee And as I'm walking, some other person walked in front of me and went up on stage.

Speaker 2 I got to go. She goes, I got it.
She goes, I got to go. I'm going up now.
In my head, I'm like, and this person never apologized, right? So I hold on to those little things, but now I let them go.

Speaker 2 You're learning to let them go. Yes.
You still have a few in your belly. There's some you'll never let go.
No,

Speaker 2 I really will let it go. You will? Even something happened to me recently that I'm letting go.
You want to say it? What is it?

Speaker 2 Who did it?

Speaker 2 You know what it it is, man. Oh, fine.

Speaker 2 I'm letting go. Do you hold on to shit? Do you go to therapy? Nah.
You don't go to therapy?

Speaker 2 My mother told me I should have when I was

Speaker 2 when I was younger.

Speaker 2 Why do you think you don't want to do it? You think it's not cool? Is it just like that? Well, at the time.

Speaker 2 What if you want to be honest with you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 There was this street shit that you can't talk to a therapist about.

Speaker 2 Right. What? There's street shit you can't talk to a therapist about.
What? Isn't there a confidentiality? Hell, Francesco. No, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You ever go,

Speaker 2 if you ever,

Speaker 2 there's an Italian mafia

Speaker 2 guy named Michael Franzis, you know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 2 And so he did a podcast with Vlad all the time. Yeah.
And then he said on there, he was talking about whether

Speaker 2 Sopranos was true. And he said that.

Speaker 2 He said, are you kidding me? He said,

Speaker 2 if a mafia member went to a therapist, he'll end up in the trunk a week later. That's how it is.

Speaker 2 Street guys can't go to a therapist. You just don't,

Speaker 2 if you done things as a teenager on the street wilding up, so you can't go to the therapist and be like, yeah, you know, this happened.

Speaker 2 It's like one of those things where you just go, okay, well, you know what? We're going to let this one go.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they can't. They can't.
They have to tell the cops if they hear anything illegal. If you do anything illegal at all, they're going to snitch.

Speaker 2 They don't have your back like that. That's not your buddy.

Speaker 2 So you're saying that you have certain things that you did in your past that were illegal that can get you in trouble now.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing.

Speaker 2 You can't kill anybody with a squirt gun.

Speaker 2 That's what he.

Speaker 2 As many baseball bats ever has run on machine guys.

Speaker 2 No, you know, and then like, well, here's one thing, dad, I just couldn't talk to her about. Was when I was selling crack, my my father was on crack.
So I used to sell crack to my father. Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 So, like, would you charge him a full price?

Speaker 2 You give him a little family discount? Yeah, I used to hook him up. You know what I'm saying? But here's what happened, right? Did you ever feel guilty selling crack to your old man? After he died?

Speaker 2 That first night. When he was alive.
No, crack, but he would smoke his whole check away, right? Right. And you should know.

Speaker 2 And he never gave you a bad thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So when he would buy it for me, it was like...
Child support. Yeah, no, not even child support.
It was more like

Speaker 2 kids would be like, hey, where you get the new juice shoes from? I would be like, Yeah, my daddy bought me these. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 2 I didn't have to tell him that he bought crack, it's like my father, you know what I'm saying. So, like,

Speaker 2 how much have you talked about that on stage? Uh,

Speaker 2 I may have talked about it once, twice, maybe.

Speaker 2 So, talk, you're telling me you're like, well, no, it's a great area, it's real, yeah, yeah, yeah. Show crack to your old man, but so did he die from crack? No, no, no.
How did he die? Suicide.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 Oh, you know, it's kudo, Bobby. It's been a long time.

Speaker 2 It's so funny to laugh about it.

Speaker 2 Why is it so funny? I don't know. What did he do? Yeah, how did he do it? He hung himself.
I found him in the basement.

Speaker 2 You found him. Yeah.
Yeah, I thought you knew this. I didn't know.
I didn't found him. Oh, fuck.
You found him? Yeah. Did he shoot himself? He had my mother.
No, he hung himself.

Speaker 2 He hung himself. And so, so, don't.
What?

Speaker 2 Don't. Dude, what? I wasn't going to do anything.
Don't. I'm not.
I'm just asking. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Don't.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I don't even know. I wish I knew what you thought I was going to do because I want to do it.
I know. But I don't think you'd think.
I don't have to. I've ever been locked into what you're, you know.

Speaker 2 Was your dad as tall as you or taller? Yeah, he's taller than me. He was tall.
He was tall. I just got the bad end of the stick, but

Speaker 2 my mama was taller than me. She was Bal Bobby.
How high were the ceilings in the basement?

Speaker 2 Regular, you know. Regular.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He hit it with a chair.
You were thinking it. You were thinking it.

Speaker 2 You son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 I wasn't even thinking it about the height thing. You know how hard it would have been for him to get him down?

Speaker 2 Just got to go to the garage and get the biggest fucking ladder they've got.

Speaker 2 That's fucking funny, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 His mom's like, come on, Doc. Hurry up.

Speaker 2 That's so funny. So he was awful.

Speaker 2 You need for real. You need to talk about that shit.
That's so real. So you walked in.
You walked in. You saw him, you know, dangling.
I'll tell you. I'll tell you.

Speaker 2 Ornament. Oh, yeah.
Like, it's not a funny thing.

Speaker 2 Tell us how it happened. Yeah.
Chicago. What year? Detroit.
Detroit. Detroit, I mean.
Detroit. 1991.
1991. Right.
So, y'all going to head to diss out, right? Hell no.

Speaker 2 But anyway, he

Speaker 2 was supposed to bring my mother because they had separated. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I moved, she moved me out so that I can get myself together. And then she moved.

Speaker 2 And then so he can try to get himself together, but he never did.

Speaker 2 So he was supposed to take her some clothes, the rest of her things, and he never showed up. She called me.
He had actually called me

Speaker 2 before her,

Speaker 2 and he tells me that he's going to kill himself.

Speaker 2 And then he tells me what. He told you? Yeah, yeah.
He went through the whole thing. She's shooting.
And we talked about it. And he told me, and I said, well, you don't have to do it.

Speaker 2 Blah, blah, blah. And I said, you know, you know, you can fight this.
And he's like, nah, I can't.

Speaker 2 And then he told me, he left me some instructions to take care of my mother and my grandmother and them. And he was like,

Speaker 2 so then

Speaker 2 when my mother called me, she was like, he's supposed to bring these clothes. He never came.
Can you go and get the clothes? And I go, oh, shit.

Speaker 2 So I forgot that I actually talked to him earlier. Like, completely forgot.
So he said, I'm going to kill myself. And you're like, yeah, yeah, I got stuff to do.
But, oh, oh, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Let me, let me. He was breaking.
It was four days later. Oh, I was like the same day.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. It was four days later.
That's what it was. But, but did you really believe he was, did he meant it when he said that or no? Yeah, because

Speaker 2 he tried to kill himself before that oh my god and me and my mother caught and found him on the ground did you did you what same thing try to hang himself no this time he had drunk a bottle of iodine iodine yeah yeah almost but he didn't so wait a minute so hold on one second so then he told you that day yeah did you go call anybody or talk to anybody or did you not say a word like did you say anything because he told nobody yeah because

Speaker 2 I didn't even

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 it didn't even register after I got off the phone with him that he was going to actually go and try to attempt it. I forgot, you know, I'm 17.
You thought it wasn't that.

Speaker 2 You thought I'm thinking he'll be all right, man. He's just having a bad day.
You know what I'm saying? So then four days later. Then four days later, she called me.

Speaker 2 He's supposed to bring the clothes. Can you go get the clothes? Yeah.
I get in the car. I go over there.
Do you have a feeling on the way there that something's wrong or no? Yeah, 100%. You knew.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You were like, so when I got there, I was like, oh, shit.
And because I didn't tell her, I was like, oh, shit, I did talk. No, because she asked me.
What kind of cars? Smart cars? She asked me.

Speaker 2 She said, Did you talk to him?

Speaker 2 It was a wind-up. You had to pull it all the way.

Speaker 2 He had to pull it all the way back before he got in.

Speaker 2 Okay, Dak goes.

Speaker 2 Fuck it, unless you're doing it. So, Dick.

Speaker 2 So, you done? Yeah, but

Speaker 2 he's like,

Speaker 2 hold it down.

Speaker 2 Now, are you doing it? Okay, go back.

Speaker 2 All right, so you go.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 we go. What happened? Oh, so

Speaker 2 when she told me that, and she asked me, did you talk to him? And I go, yeah, I talked to him on Friday, but that's it. So she was like, well, go back to the house.
So I go over there, like I say.

Speaker 2 And when I got to the front door and I got ready to open the door, one of my friends from

Speaker 2 one of the street dudes ran up to me. He's like, hey, man.
He said, hey, your pop's been in this house, man. He said, we haven't seen him since Friday.

Speaker 2 And he said, you know, your pops used to let the dog out. Something wrong.
Let's kick the door in. And I said, nah, man.
No, no, wait. I was about to open the door.

Speaker 2 I said, damn, I forgot my goddamn key. And then he was like, kick the door in, man.
I'm telling you, man, he ain't been out. He's in there.
Something wrong. Yeah.
And I was like, nah, man, chill out.

Speaker 2 Let me go get my key and I'll be back. You went back home.
Yeah, I went back home to get my key. You went and got a sandwich.
So

Speaker 2 yeah.

Speaker 2 He said, man, I'm hungry.

Speaker 2 I would break the door down. I mean, it's nah, nah, because I still didn't think nothing really at that point

Speaker 2 too much. No, I felt it.
But I'm saying,

Speaker 2 I was more like,

Speaker 2 man, nah, chill. Don't,

Speaker 2 yeah, you're probably fighting the feelings. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 i was like damn i said okay how far is your house from there no you talking this 30 minutes yeah like i'm on the east that's on the west side of detroit i was on the east side with my with my aunt so it's a pretty big distance so

Speaker 2 i go home

Speaker 2 get the key and then it kicks in and i'm like holy shit let me go get my mama so i drive up to the job and i was like hey

Speaker 2 You got to come with me. And she's like, what? And then I'm like, you got to come with me.
I said, Something wrong like that. And she goes, Are you? You, okay.

Speaker 2 And then she goes in, tell her boss, whatever. And then we leave.
So we get there.

Speaker 2 And as soon as we open the door and we walk in,

Speaker 2 no, no, we walk. When I walk, before we open the door, the dog runs into the window and he's got foam all on his mouth and he's barking like a hella aggressive.
He'd never look like this.

Speaker 2 And I go, what the fuck? Tom hasn't eaten and drank anything. Yeah, yeah.
Exactly. So I'm like, fuck.
And And I'm like, calm down. And when he sees me, he starts.
What the dog's crazy.

Speaker 2 He starts getting out of the way. What the dog's name? What's the dog's name? His name is Lee.
Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 What a moment. Anyway,

Speaker 2 so then

Speaker 2 I go in. That's his real name, too, Lee.
Yeah, I believe you. L-E-E.

Speaker 2 So we go in.

Speaker 2 And she says, you go upstairs and see if he up there. And then I'm going to check down here.
You said that. In the living room.
She said that. To me.

Speaker 2 So I go upstairs. And this guy

Speaker 2 has all the doors to the rooms closed upstairs. Bathroom door, every door closed.
And I'm like, fuck. So I'm like, all right, fuck it.
If he win one of these rooms, I guess I'm going to find him.

Speaker 2 I kick open my old bedroom door. He's not in there.

Speaker 2 I kick open the bathroom, bedroom door. Then it was another door down the hallway.
I kicked that door open. Then they master the bedroom.
I was like, shit.

Speaker 2 So I waited. And then I pushed the door.
I kicked it open. Well, not kicked it open.
I pushed it open. And then I looked in, and all the sheets were pulled off the bed.

Speaker 2 And in the middle of the bed, there there was a life insurance. So I looked up and I said, What the fuck is this? Because he worked for Ford, too.

Speaker 2 So I looked at the life insurance, and I was like, What is this? And I said, Okay, whatever. And I go down the stairs to the bed.

Speaker 2 You didn't.

Speaker 2 If the sheets are pulled off of the bed, there's a life insurance thing on the bed. You didn't think nothing about it, bro.
I'm telling you, just like that. Just fucking just willy-nilly did.

Speaker 2 Doc's like, Doc, there was this note

Speaker 2 saying goodbye. And I was like, What is this? Is he going on vacation?

Speaker 2 This dude is leaving so many fucking breadcrumbs, and Doc is like, Where is he? Is he outside?

Speaker 2 So then you go, what, to the basement? Yeah, so no. So then I go down to the living room, and my mother's in the living room, and she's like, He's not in here.
And I said, Okay.

Speaker 2 She said, He's not in the kitchen. He knows nowhere around here.
At any point, are you yelling out, Pop, Dad, are you guys yelling through the house? No, we never called for him. No, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then, so

Speaker 2 I say, uh, well,

Speaker 2 the hell no, because for me, I told you, I was already feeling feeling eerie and shit. I was like, man, I'm fucked.
And I'm like, I'm already just like, damn, like, this might be.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 she says to me

Speaker 2 something about the dog in the basement. And the dog kept grabbing my pants and pulling me towards the basement.
It run back, grabbed my pants, and I kept slapping. I'm like, stop playing.
Lee.

Speaker 2 He would run. Yeah, Lee.
He said, Lee, stop playing.

Speaker 2 You knew. It's like, yeah, you knew.
That's good. Listening.
Yeah. My friend.
Anyway,

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 we,

Speaker 2 she she says well the dog she said well the dog is probably hungry go downstairs and get his pill it's in the basement i go oh

Speaker 2 i said you didn't go in the basement and she goes what i go you didn't go in the fucking basement and i said listen call the police right now and then she goes what you're you're you're what's wrong with you and i said no call the police she said boy come in here and go in this basement with me and i was like nah you need to so

Speaker 2 you knew of course he knew i knew then life insurance because i said she his door was closed four days yeah the dog going it's in here Whenever he smoked crack,

Speaker 2 he always smoked in the basement, right? So that was like the first place she should have checked. I was like, he fucking probably was in the basement because he smoked crack in the basement.

Speaker 2 He would never smoke crack upstairs?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I've just only came home.
We surprised him. He in the basement.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 Happy birth. He's like, oh, no.

Speaker 2 Cracked up.

Speaker 2 Hey, that's real shit, though. Like, it was just a couple of times where he didn't hear us come in or whatever and go in the bed.
I'm like, God damn, you in there smoking crack.

Speaker 2 Get back to the day. Okay, now.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So there's this door.

Speaker 2 We open the door. Yeah.
And there's the stench come up. I said, oh, shit.
Oh, my God. And I grabbed it.
What does that smell like? Crack. It's

Speaker 2 a dead body. For me, yeah.
And crack. And it's the summer, too.
So it's been on there for about four days. Oh, summertime crack.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 damn. Damn.
Damn, dude. So you walk down the stairs.
So she's, I'm behind her. I stop like five stairs before her.
I'm like, I'm not going down the stairs. It's like a haunted house.

Speaker 2 And she's like, get down here and come down here. And what are you talking about? Like that? She's not thinking nothing.
I said, fuck. I was like, all right.

Speaker 2 So I start coming down and she gets down to the bottom. I'm coming down.
I'm about a couple stairs behind her. Yeah.
And she goes, see, look, there's all this

Speaker 2 doodle on the ground. You smelling blah, blah, blah.
And then I look down and I say, oh, I guess you're right. And then she looks up and she says, what are you?

Speaker 2 Like she's about to ask him what he's doing, a question. And then I turn and I got ready to look at him and she screamed.

Speaker 2 And then she pushed me. It was like, so for me, right now, to this day, I still don't have that image of what was over here.
The only image I have now is just her face.

Speaker 2 So when I look like this over here towards him, she screamed and pushed me. So it was like a boom, boom.

Speaker 2 So it wasn't enough for me to grasp 100% and just, well, I grasped it, but not enough to where it fucked with me, but it wasn't as bad that I feel like it wasn't. So you never looked at the body?

Speaker 2 Not at all. She went back in the house and everything and touched him and everything.
God damn it. I was like, shit.
So you never, after that, you never saw it again? Nah. I wasn't going, nah.

Speaker 2 Until you went to the funeral. Yep.
You had to open it. Well, he opened cash.
He was so swollen, you couldn't have an open castle. Oh, my God.
So we didn't even get to have it open. Wow.

Speaker 2 There's a comedy podcast, bud.

Speaker 2 You asked me.

Speaker 2 Man, how do do we

Speaker 2 make some jokes?

Speaker 2 He can make some jokes.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Well, we did throw a couple in there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was swollen, and

Speaker 2 you couldn't have a funeral. Nah.
Black people love funerals. No, we don't.
Nobody likes funerals. They dress up.
They do it.

Speaker 2 I've seen some really good. Like, I've seen some where they prop up the body at his favorite video game table.
Yeah, that's some weird shit that they do now. I'm like, who the wild?

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen this shit? Yeah. Some black funerals, they go all the funerals.
You're doing doing with Latinos?

Speaker 2 Black funerals, they now they if they have a favorite thing that they like to do, they put them in that position in a position and decorate or like and have something you've never seen.

Speaker 2 Yo, can you bring this up? I don't know if I want to see this. No, it's not, it's not going to creep you out.
I mean, it's just it's not going to be clear.

Speaker 2 I don't want to see a guy playing wars on, but he's dead.

Speaker 2 And they're standing around him, like, yo,

Speaker 2 I swear to God, that's crazy. I swear to God, it's the wildest shit.

Speaker 2 Look at that, like, look at that, look at that, like a guy in a boat.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God,

Speaker 2 that's hilarious.

Speaker 2 That's hilarious.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is.

Speaker 2 White's doing too long. No, that's not.
Wait, wait, go up. Wait, go up, go up, go up.
There's an Elvis one. There's an Elvis one.
Is that Elvis a dead guy? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Okay, up to the right, you see the dead people, lifelike poses. That's it.
Dead people, lifelike poses right there. That's a woman they propped up.
There. That's dead.

Speaker 2 Unbelievable. Click on that article.
That'll tell you.

Speaker 2 That's unbelievable. Like, you know, Shanice, she loved her wine.
So we prop her bush light.

Speaker 2 Hold, look at that. Drink and go down and see if there's a.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait. She said, look at that.
Look at this. No, that's insane.
Look at this, dude. Let me zoom it in.

Speaker 2 The body of Mickey Esterling, a New York New Orleans socialite, sits on a bench surrounded by flowers. Look at they prop her up.
Oh, my. I think that's a good idea.
You want to be like this? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Scroll down a little bit. Look at this one.
Look at how crazy that is. No, no.
Dude, don't pass the photo. That? Stay.

Speaker 2 Lynette Carmona, Wright, the wife of late boxer Christopher Riviera, hugs the boxer. That

Speaker 2 the guy to the left is a boxer? He's dead. Yeah, he's dead.
No, he's alive. That guy's going, I'm getting the next hug.
No, that's clearly a guy.

Speaker 2 That's a boxing office. Look at this.
That's how they do it. That's insane.
Stands next to his body propped up in a fake boxing ring during San Juan in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Dude, this is a thing.

Speaker 2 Go down, go down. This is amazing.
This guy's. No, no, no, no, no.
Why are you missing the motion? By the way.

Speaker 2 La Dashi on a motorcycle.

Speaker 2 Go down a little bit. The body of David Morales Colon was placed on his motorcycle in

Speaker 2 peculiar viewing ceremony that his family requested shot in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Apparently, it's a lot of Puerto Ricans that are doing that.
A lot of Latinos do that. All of them.

Speaker 2 Puerto Ricans, most of them. That's that I know of.

Speaker 2 Scroll down. This is amazing.

Speaker 2 Oh, I wish there was more. There's none more.
Do Puerto Rican-themed funerals. Apparently, the Puerto Ricans got this shit on lock.
Sure, this is the jock, Doc. Doc, do you know, Doc?

Speaker 2 Look at that, Doc.

Speaker 2 Do you know what that is?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Steve. That's Steve and Bobby's mom.
Oh, and their father. My dad died.
Right in that

Speaker 2 moment my dad died. Right now.
He's dead. He takes his photo.
Right now? Right this moment. No, no, no.
Not today. I mean, in this picture.
I was about to say, what kind of shit is this?

Speaker 2 Trust me. We've said it before.
Okay. And this fucking this guy, he has this in his fucking.
I mean,

Speaker 2 you took that picture, Bobby? Yes. Look at this guy.
Green Lantern.

Speaker 2 That's amazing.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. I'm telling you, the Puerto Ricans made that.
Look at that. Yeah, see, gambling.
Gambling. With his homie.
With his homie. Whatever they like.
That's what the theme of it. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Puerto Rican themed. It's black dudes and Puerto Rican dudes.
That's who does it. Look at the milk crate.
And what is that one?

Speaker 2 What? Is that the guy waiting for me? No, no, that's a sketch.

Speaker 2 That's a sketch. No, that's just a regular picture.
That. Standing him up in the corner.

Speaker 2 How old is that kid? Puerto Rican gangster propped up, playing dominoes at his own funeral.

Speaker 2 No, that's a real guy. There's no way that's, guys.
It says Samuel Puerto Rico. The dead man is sitting with his eyes open at his own funeral.
Motorcycle, sweet though.

Speaker 2 That motorcycle clip is bad as fuck. This is so bad.

Speaker 2 So morbid. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 Look at this guy. Yeah, yeah.
He was a drummer.

Speaker 2 Look at they put it outside. Isn't that weird? That's outside the funeral.
Yeah. What would you do? What would you want your body to do?

Speaker 2 I don't know. What great position do I want in? Yeah.
This in this podcast studio, just

Speaker 2 in front of the podcast, Mike. You and me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would just say, put me in diapers. Yeah.
Put me in a gigantic panda. Uh-huh.
I have a lasso. I'm on the panda.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Riding the panda? Yeah, just.

Speaker 2 I could see that. I could see

Speaker 2 you hanging from like a bamboo tree.

Speaker 2 Like your doc and I die at the same time.

Speaker 2 There it is.

Speaker 2 Right? Go ahead and go on with the story, bro. Would you be mad at that? We're dead already.
What does it matter?

Speaker 2 What does it matter? We're both dead. Yeah.
And we're just like

Speaker 2 69ing.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm the boss. I have my hands on like this.
I'm going to that for you.

Speaker 2 So here's the thing, though.

Speaker 2 What about my wishes?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's true. What do you want, Doc? What do you want? Doc, how do you want to? Totally to be totally as far away from this guy as fuck.

Speaker 2 How do you want to be propped? What would your thinking be?

Speaker 2 If I had a prop, oh, damn, that would be.

Speaker 2 Just make you tall.

Speaker 2 Duncan. Yeah, they make you dunkin'.
Just fucking. But just hanging from the hoop.
Now, here's something. With Bobby in it under my nuts.
Oh, dunking on Bobby's ass. And you're like this.

Speaker 2 How funny to see.

Speaker 2 How funny to look

Speaker 2 if they hook Doc on the hoop and he just hanging from the hoop. Yeah.
That would be so funny.

Speaker 2 That'd be so funny. All right.
Let's have Doc sign off. All right.
Say thank you for being a friend. Doc, look at that camera, that one in the corner, and say, thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Slow and smooth. We might put some funky ass music beneath it.

Speaker 2 thank you for being a bad friend no no no come on draw that shit out like thank you for being a bad friend you know draw it the fuck out thank you for being a bad friend

Speaker 2 damn i love that

Speaker 2 so good