Andrew & Bobby Hide a Body

Hey, Bad Friends. I'm on tour.
Go to andrewsantino.com for tickets. I'm all over the U.S.
I'm going to San Francisco and Boston and Seattle and Portland and Atlanta. I'm everywhere.
So go to andrewsantino.com for tickets. andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
Also, Bad Friends fans, 20% off the entire site. For merch.
For merch. This week, from the 23rd to the 29th, go to badfriendsmerch.com.
Badfriendsmerch.com. 20% off.
20% off the entire site. For merch.
For merch. This week, from the 23rd to the 29th, go to badfriendsmerch.com.
20% off. 20% off.
The entire site. The entire site.
Go to badfriendsmerch.com. For merch.
Okay. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
Look at that. Who wrote that? That's Prince PD, Prince PD, PPD.
Yeah. And that's King Fance.
Yeah. Who did that, Fancy? Look at this.
Congratulations, Fancy B has 35,000 followers. And what does Joe or George have? And what does George have? 20.
Whoa. 29.
Oh, he went back up. He did.
He was down to 18. Yeah, I think we're doing it a disservice.
I think by promoting it, because there's always going to be. People feel bad.
It's like this. Yeah.
It's like when you look at like people – there's always going to be people feel bad it's like this yeah it's like

when you look at like people there's like people buy really bad music yeah right yeah because their tastes are bad like pete what would pete buy at the store he's at the record store hi i'm at i'm the guy at the record store yeah yeah hey man what's up what uh what were you looking for album wise?

Do you?

Are you Pete from

Bad Friends?

Yeah.

Oh, dope.

I am.

What kind of music

can I find for you? I don't know how to pronounce it, so I'm just going to have to. I wrote down.
Sound it out. Yon.
Yon. Yonnie.
Yonnie? Yonnie. What? Yeah, we have Yonnie.
You do? Yeah, of course. And And he works here.
Yanni comes out, he's like, what's up, buddy? You like my music? Yeah. I don't know why he's from Transylvania.
Jules. Yes.
Yeah, she just woke up, too. She woke up.
The amount of love I got in Denver for Jules was crazy. Really? And thank you for answering that.
They loved it so much. I love that room.
They room. They're finally back.
It was the second week Marin was before and they're finding their seat legs and all that stuff and they were just like, dude, so happy to be back. What are you doing? Just walking through the fuck.
You know what I said? Do Christian Bale. That's what that's like.
Oh, good for you. Fix the camera! How can I work like this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Under these conditions. Yeah.
So everyone asked about Rudy, and I broke them the bad news, that you are actually going away to college to University of New Mexico. Should we tell the fans now? Yeah.
She's going to University of New Mexico. What? You don't want me to share it? No, it's fine.
Well, so you're going going to university new mexico and we're losing you in how many weeks now two weeks two weeks she's gone yeah she's gone dang and we're not gonna have a replacement i don't think we should yeah we're not gonna have one who could replace you i don't know yeah it's a rhetorical question but yeah that is fine that i don't know i don't know who could replace you let's think think about that. In someone that we know.
Who could replace it that we know? Well, it's got to be... Somebody brown.
Who do we know? Nobody, really. We don't really know anybody.
No, no one can replace you. We got a gift.
Why does it have to be that? What? Why do we have to replace her with a... Another brown girl? Yeah, brown girl.
I's you know that's like brown girl corner what are like a fat white girl with a patch in her eye if you can find it i'll take it do you have a fat white girl in mind with that's turrets or something like a patch turrets i like it yeah i mean i tried i tried to watch i tried to watch motherless brooklyn on the plane did you watch that no what is that did you see that Andres I did motherless Brooklyn was the plane. Did you watch that? No, what is that? Did you see that, Andres?

I did.

Motherless Brooklyn was with Sam Rockwell?

Edward Norton?

Edward Norton.

What's the difference?

Yeah.

Edward Norton, and he's got, it's the 1950s, and they're gangsters.

Oh, I saw that being like behind the scenes-y kind of thing.

And he's got a tick.

He's like, you know, he does the, do the autistic tick.

Do it.

Or whatever.

Yeah, do the tick.

Tourette's?

I don't want to.

Do a Tourette's tick.

I'm not going to be a good one. got a tick he's he's like you know he does the yeah do the autistic tick do it or whatever yeah do the tick i don't know i don't do a turrette's tick yeah that's right that's what he does and it was terrible how bad was that movie andres pretty bad one of the worst i've ever seen really by the way bruce bruce willis yeah it's such a hard, lovable hard-ass that we've loved for years and years.

In this movie, you don't buy it.

Yeah, he's phoned it in, I feel like.

Dude, 100%.

He looks like a guy that, like, whatever is in front of him, he'll go, all right.

Fine.

What's the money?

How much?

How much?

Fine.

I'll do it.

Yeah.

That's like I just saw Patton Oswalt was doing a-

What was he doing?

I love him.

Please don't.

No, I'm not saying anything bad, but it just threw me for a loop.

What was he?

He's doing like a sports betting commercial.

And I was like, what?

Yeah.

That guy's never picked up a bat or a ball?

Don't be rude.

No, what?

Because Babe Ruth was fat.

I didn't have anything to do with his weight.

I just mean like his athletic prowess seems low.

Yeah, yeah, Babe Ruth doesn't seem athletic.

Sure he did. He looks like a baker.
What kind of baker though? Like croissants or like scones? No, no. Like an old school, like back in the day.
No, look at him. He was cool.
That does not look like a baseball player. Look at how he's sliding.
I know. He's like, Olé! Olé! Olé! That's what they promised him.
His contract was bread. He would get a loaf for every home run he hit.
Yeah, yeah. How many loaves did he get then? No, he was actually, that was kind of, wow, look at the face.
His face looks like a baseball mitt. I mean, Jesus.
I mean, honestly, does that look like one of the greatest baseball players of all time? Yeah. No.
Is he? Well, he's one of the best hitters of all time. Yeah, I mean, he's legendary in the top five of all time.
Yeah. Babe Ruth.
Yeah, Ted Williams. I mean, yeah.
Strawberry, Daryl Strawberry? No. Daryl Strawberry.
I mean, he's the best at doing cocaine and playing baseball. I know, but I'm just trying to think of all the baseball players I know.
Let's name all the baseball players you know. Don't do that.
Don't do this. Let's do it.
All right, all right. Here we go.
Rodriguez. Which one? There is one, right? Well, which one, one though do i get like 18 of them it's such an 18 of them there's such an easy rodriguez who's the most famous rodriguez you know rodrigo rodriguez no alex rodriguez a rod a rod okay that's the one with the jennifer lopez that's the one with used to have now yeah now benny now benny benny benny okay so we've got A-Rod.
We've got Little Manny. Manny.
Another Mexican last name. Manny.
Trumpet. Yes.
Manny Trumpet. Manny Trumpet.
Okay. And he played for the? Please don't.
Come on. Sioux Falls.
The Sioux Falls. The Sioux Falls, Idaho.
Idaho who's? The Idaho's. Oh, the Sioux Falls, Idaho's.
Yeah, the Sioux Falls, Idaho's. There he is.
Yeah, yeah. Manny Trumpet baseball player.
Pete's on it today. And then you have...
Come on. What else do you have? Come on.
Gene Robinson. Gene Robinson.
Is there a Robinson? No. Robinson.
Robinson. Is there a Robinson though? Caruso? no is there a big Robinson guy?

stop don't look at

Pete

Pete

Pete

Pete

don't show him

Robinson's his last name

he was a black guy

what was his name

he played for the Dodgers

Jack Roberts

what?

no I'll be real though

yeah you're right there

Jack Robinson?

but girly version

Jackie Robinson

Jackie Robinson

Robinson

Rob

Robinson

Jackie

Jackie Robinson

Jackie Robinson

right

okay this is really good no what? Can you name any professional baseball players? No. Okay.
Good. Thanks for trying.
It's not owned. It's like bring anything.
Connor. Connor.
Connor McGregor. Connor McGregor.
Connor McGregor. Yeah, he was very good.
No, he's the UFC fighter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
fighter yeah yeah yeah come on very good knock you out to play baseball no no but the only sport that I know is I know a lot of soccer football football I know about I can name probably 300 okay so for me soccer is the only sport I don't know play I can name five I can name 300 400 Maradona that very good. And then the easy ones.
What country did he play for? What is his nation? Maradona. España.
No. Shut up, Vance.
Maradona. Is it South America? Yeah.
Was he Brazil? No. No? Portugal? No.
Argentina? Yes. Yeah, sorry, yeah sorry Tina yeah blue blue I didn't know blue okay blue stripes I did know blue stripes the blue stripes I do know that jersey okay obviously Pele even though he's gone but still Pele counts he's still alive no but he's not playing anymore he's still playing he's very good and then my very own my very own Alexi Lalas Alexi Lalas love Alexi Lalas okay that's a very good one I, he's not.
He's not. And then my very own.
My very own. Alexi Lalas.
Alexi Lalas. Love Alexi Lalas.
Okay. That's a very good one.
I thought he was so cool when I was a kid. The dreadlocks.
What else? Well, then there's Beckham is easy. Yeah.
Then there's like Wayne Rooney. Good one.
England. I know him.
He was great. Great.
And then I know like, then the easy. You know 10 probably then

because there's so many big ones

that you're missing out on.

But those guys,

but I don't know like,

okay,

like there's a guy,

Nolan,

Nolan Arenado.

You don't know who that is.

No.

Right.

Like you can name me

10 soccer players like that

that I would never.

No,

like Ryan Giggs.

Never heard of him.

He's one of the greatest

soccer players of all time.

Yeah,

that's what I mean.

Nolan is one of the best.

From Wales.

Yeah.

There's Freddie Youngberg, one of the best.

That sounds fake.

It's not.

He was also, you would fuck him.

Freddie Youngberg.

Let me see if I'd bone him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My tastes have gotten better with athletes.

Oh, I can name you some soccer players that you would fuck.

Name them all.

Freddie Youngberg, model.

Freddie Youngberg, model.

Right there?

No, that's not him. Youngberg.
No, he can. There it is.
Did you mean? Just click on did you mean, bud. No.
The black guy for England? No, man. You're spilling it wrong.
Just do soccer. Freddie Youngberg soccer.
Yeah, soccer will help you out a little bit, Pete. Is that him? No.
Go i mean you could yeah one of them is like oh yeah him oh young g oh yeah no that's him playing though that's him he's sweating he's in the middle of the fucking that's what i find that's what i put freddie youngberg model i find them the most attractive when they're sweating. No, no, no, no, no.
Freddie Youngberg model. Is he cute, Jules? No.
See, no, he's not. There we go.
Now go to the... No.
Oh, no. Bro! Look at the tattoo.
Zoom in. It's a panther.
I know, but look at the line between his pelvis there. What do they call that line? Fuck gutters.
Yeah, the fuck gutter. I would stick my tongue and just go right down to the fucking channel you would yeah channel and go right to the fucking and you go yeah yeah my mouth mouth train coming in hot yeah hot he's hot all right he is hot um you know who who's hot now as an older man eric cantona cantonaona? Yeah.
What about Ronaldo? Hot. Ronaldinho? Not hot.
Not hot. Fucked up teeth.
Who's the ugliest in the soccer player? Oh, dude, you got to look at this. So this is the best one.
Who is it? So there was a coach manager named David Moyes. Okay.
And David Moyes, right? Yeah. Used to play soccer.
Yeah. as a younger man yeah look up david moyes soccer young as young young he looks good there no when he was young okay go do go ahead and say it go ahead go ahead and say it go ahead and say it rudy go ahead rudy say it it looks like you yeah Yeah, yeah.
It does. Go to the second one, right? Go to the second one.
Right, that one. I mean, look how bad he looks.
Look, his teeth fixed. Yeah, but that's the original one, I think.
Well, how about the fourth one in? Go four in. Up.
Yeah. Is that him again? He looks all right there.
Not bad. Yeah.
I guess he got older and looked better, but when he was young. And then go down two pictures down.
Straight down. Bop, bop, two, yeah He looks fine there It's like it worked out for some reason Yeah, sometimes it does that life Wow I mean, I got better looking as I got older There was a kid in school where he made me blow him We'll be right back You know what I mean? What do you mean? No, I don't know what you mean and um let's just put it just say that he made you kiss his peepee maybe yeah okay okay but then later in life he didn't look so good you think your peepee made him bad you think that maybe yeah maybe I have like that effect I know Kalilah has been looking a little bit rougher lately.

Can you imagine?

After you have sex with someone, they just become this decrepit.

Yeah.

But then I realized later I looked him up, and he looks not as good.

Why'd you look him up?

Did you want to reach back out?

Oh, really?

Maybe.

He made you have sex with him? Did I say to say had sex with him let's just move on no let's stick in let's move on man well if you could file a lawsuit i've seen this have you seen the commercial that's been playing where they're like it's so it's so weird it's like we're fighting for justice i don't know what law firm it is but it's like fighting, and something else. And it goes, were you sexually assaulted as a youth? And it goes, by the following organizations.
And it's like the Catholic Church, Boy Scouts of America. Yeah.
They name like the biggest perpetrators of this whole thing. These gigantic class action lawsuits.
But they'll never really get them. They won't.
Can they move them around? They shift them around they should they just keep like like little chess pieces yeah they keep moving them around we have by the way side get off of this topic i got a gift we got a gift yeah yeah we got a gift from the bobby lees the band the bobby lees our friends great you remember these guys yeah i loved them so by the way not only do we have a gift from the bobby lees we have another band you know how i reached out to you know how we talked about the lalapalooza in chicago yeah okay we named a bunch of artists and one of them that we named we try to give a boost to was do you remember his last guy we named his song what was his name i forgot his name take a guess i don't remember well yeah but that's the project jack is good what's his name what's his name jack what fancy jake doobie jake doobie jack doobie. Jake Doobie.
Jake Doobie. So Jake Doobie has been killing it since we talked about him.
Oh, he has been? And he wants to talk to us. He does? Presumably to say thank you.
I'm sure because he's gotten a bunch of streams. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we're going to call Jake Doobie in a minute. All right.
But this says, Bobby and Andrew, bad friends. Thank you so much for having us on your show.
We're playing El Cid in LA. If you guys are around, let us know.

We'll put you on the list.

Sam, Mackie, Nick, and Kendall.

Awesome.

So look what they gave us.

Awesome.

They gave us a sweater.

Let me see.

Let me see.

That's really cool.

That's a cool looking sweater.

That's fucking dope, dude.

And they gave us records here.

Look at this.

The Bobby Lees.

We both got a record.

You don't get a record because you don't have a record player.

Yeah.

And also, you don't deserve one, to be honest. This is Girth Circles.
That's a magazine they gave us. Awesome.
Anyway, cool stuff in here. Very cool stuff.
Shirts. You want a shirt, Rudy? Yeah.
Great. And there's a hoodie for me.
And there's some other shirts. Anyway, we'll look at all the shirts.
But thank you to the Bobby Lees. Let's give a shout out one more time to the Bobby Lees.
Please go see them. They'll be here in L.
Go see the Bobby Lees. We'd love to support.
I've been watching. Can I just tell you what I've been watching, though? I watched.
Oh, man. I have so much watching stuff to tell you.
It's insane. What have you seen? No, you tell me first.
Well, I've never seen Forensic Files. You've never seen Forensic Files? No.
Ever. No, I used to watch this show called Autopsy on HBO.
But I've seen all of them. Never heard of that.
It was one of the original ones, way before Forensic Files. Okay.
Autopsy was great. What was the original original? I think Autopsy was the original.
60 Minutes has to be the original of this kind of stuff. Look up HBO Autopsy.
Autopsy was great. But what? Did you just watch Forensic Files for the first time? Yeah, andsy is brutal because autopsy this guy right here this show this dude right here they show they show shit like they show the body they're really bought yeah the real body yeah yeah i don't know if i can do that i need it i need an hd you do you want to see all of it yeah yeah five dead men do dead men do tell and this guy looks creepy himself they always get a guy who looks creepy but doctor he's i I think his name is – not Biden.
Dr. – Dr.
Biden. That's Joe Biden.
Not just Joe Biden. Dr.
Biden. What's his name? Anyway, but they have one in autopsy where they were in like a – there was a fair.
Like a county fair. Like a county fair in like upstate New York or whatever.
And this happened in 60s and there was like a ride where you get on the ride and it was a scary ride and there was like a mummy that went is that the mummy? yeah you remember the mummy in the Matterhorn oh yeah how unscary that is it was like it wasn't freaky at all and it was always kind of broken and it was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. How unscary that is.
It was like... It wasn't freaky at all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'd go, fuck you.
And it was always kind of broken. It was like...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd flick that guy off.
Yeah. But there was one where that...
So the mummy was... And then it was actually a dead person in the mummy.
What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They put a dead guy in there? Somehow there was a dead guy in there.
Wow. Yeah.
So with that, you know, that's pretty scary. That's what scared me.
That's scary. That that was scary you see his eye fall out or something yeah but in forensic fire files i was thinking to myself with d with dna testing and all that stuff yeah the new technology do you think that you and i could create a murder and get away with it today yeah impossible i think we could you do yes how could we do it let's see if we let's try to kill okay let's say we kill jules No, no, we're not jewels.
I think we could. You do? Yes.
How could we do it? Let's see if we, let's try to kill. Okay, let's say we kill Jules.
No, no, we're not Jules. She's a girl.
We have to kill a guy. Fancy B.
George, George. We kill.
Do you hear what he said? George, George. He goes George, George.
That's very boss, boss, the plane. Yeah.
George, George, George, George. George, George.
No, so we kill fans, obviously. Oh, we kill fans.
How do we do it? But here's the problem. He's not, he's got a what? He's not single.
So it's tough. So there's something traceable there.
You'd have to kill a single guy. Pete's not single either.
Damn it. We got to kill someone we know that's single because they got to be alone.
See, that's her. Oh, you want to die? Well, we have to kill someone that's like kind of.
Yeah, we can't kill a girl though. Why not? In the scenario we could maybe.
Yeah, in this scenario we could kill kill jewels yeah but i have i don't want to kill her she cleans the kitchen she cleans my kitchen all right yeah that's right that's true all the all right let's back it up let's just say we kill fans oh let's go fans okay so we're gonna kill fancy b because he doesn't have kids though no no kids well the fuck it yeah yeah we'll kill him yeah yeah but his wife is cool, so we gotta get her on our team first. No, that's not how you do it.
Do we kill her? We don't even know, we don't get in touch with her at all. Oh, okay.
There's no, we can't trace our steps. Okay, so how do you plan on killing him? Let's think.
My instinct is something, what do Spaniards hate? Yeah. Like, what do they do they hate mexicans so we take him down to mexico he's coming we're doing we're doing check it out he's going down for your birthday party we're gonna go to mexico no no we don't do that no we don't do that no just could just let me just please we do because that this is what we do we go we're doing a remote piece for Mad TV.
Not Mad TV, for Bad Friends. Right on.

Same show. I just woke up, sorry.
Yeah, me too. All right, so.
So we're doing a remote piece. We're doing a Bad Friends sketch for Bad Friends.
A sketch in Mexico, right? Right. So before we go there, though, we go down to Tijuana beforehand, right? Scope it out? No, we got to get somebody to kill them.

Oh, there's so many people down there that would kill.

Right.

So we could come down with cash, but we can't pull out.

Is there any way you and I could pull out cash without anyone knowing that we'll pull out cash?

Her money?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

That's money.

That's money.

There's money laying around.

Right, there's money.

She's got some cash saved up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

And I have the guy in Mexico. I know who it is.
One of the little chicklets that sells the gum he's not gonna do it how do you know how can he do it because we're gonna give him a hundred dollars cyanide in the chiclets there it is oh mr mr right and fancy's like oh does my breath smell and we're like yeah your breath smells do you pack you pack the chiclets with cyanide every single piece of gum has cyanide but then we might kill other people oh big deal but what if he sells it to a you know i mean to a family mom or something big deal she's got to go all right all right all right babble oh i'm learning a loon i'm learning a new language and i'm using babble oh got to learn English first, but- You should. Yeah, yeah.
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All right.

So look, we tell fans, hey, man, we got to go down and shoot a sketch.

Okay.

Are you coming down, fans?

Of course.

See, he's coming.

And I go, we don't need sound or a crew.

It's just us through. We'll just do a gunk gorilla style.
One, two, three. One, two, three.
And you have to be on the camera, and you're going to just go down with us. Are you into that, Fance? I'm so excited.
He's so excited. He's so excited.
All right. So we take him down to Tijuana.
Right. And then it can't be in Tijuana's pat.
Slammed. It really is.
All the time. I know.
All the time. Too many people.
It's busy, right? So we have to go to like La Fonda Beach. Okay, we'll go to La Fonda Beach.
All right. Kind of desolate.
A little desolate. It's got to be a beach.
Let's do a sketch on the beach, La Fonda Beach, right? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have the kid there, right? And- Chick-fil-a, chick-fil-a for sale.
Chick-fil-a for sale. And I'm going to go, we don't have any money on us.
Of course not. We already gave the kid five grand.
Five grand? Yeah. It's a murder, dude.
That's too much money. No, no.
It's a murder. They would do it for way less.
Three grand. Three, two.
$2,500. I refuse.
It's principal. Give him $100.
All right, $100. $100.
$100. $100 for murder.
$100. Yeah.
Yeah, we've got to give him more to help us get rid of of the body. So 100 to start.
No, we don't have to get rid of the body. What are you going to do with it when we kill Fancy? We could do it this way.
Okay. We could chiclet chiclets.
Yeah, chiclet gum for sale. We want gum Fancy, right? Go get us some gum.
Go get us some gum. He pays for the gum.
What if the kid charges $100? The fan's like, $100? He's like, do you know they're going to murder you? Yeah. This is cyanide.
It's expensive. So he pays the money.
Yeah. And then all day long before we even, you know what I mean, run to the chicklet guy, we say to fans, dude, your breath stinks breath stinks it stinks have you smelled your breath lately fans yeah stinky mouth so we'll go chicklet chicklet your breath he buys it eat please please eat it eat it it's gross he chews on it he would die instantly instantaneous instantaneously gets right into his bloodstream maybe a couple minutes he falls over on the beach the beach.
Yeah. Face first in the sand.
At that point,

why can't we go

murderer?

To the little kid?

Yeah.

No, we can't do that.

Why?

Because he's our helper.

Murderer!

He did it!

Right?

He's like,

he doesn't speak English.

He doesn't?

They don't speak English.

A little bit.

They know like...

They can get an interpreter.

Chicklets, chicklets.

Yeah, he can go, you know, these guys gave me... The redhead in the Korean.
$100. These guys gave me only $100 and the cops are like, $100? So what would we do with the body? Now we have to kill the little kid.
No, we can't kill the kid. Why not? Because we're not mass murderers on a killing spree.
So we only kill one person. Alright.
So what we do is we hire two other guys. I see this is getting too thick.
The problem is you have too many people. Yeah, yeah.
The spider webs grow. Then they know people.
They tell people. I got it.
Yeah. We spray paint an X on the beach.
Pretty on the nose. Right.
Okay. Right.
For like a pirate? No. The X is where we need, this is where it's all got to go down.
Maybe somebody just draws an X, you know what I mean, with their hand. Okay, that'll go away.
But yes. Yeah, yeah.
No, we tell the chiclet guy, right? To draw a big X. Big X, so we know exactly when, you know what I mean, you're going to be all that, right? Okay, so what's the X for? But X is near the X.
We have already a pre hole.

We've dug a hole near the X.

Yeah.

Not right under the X.

We have to give him another $100 though to dig the hole.

Now see, that's too much money already.

What?

I think a hundred bucks is all we can afford right now.

We can afford.

No, that's what we can spend.

All right.

That's in the budget.

How about.

I have an idea. What is it? Oh, here we go.
I love this. Chop fancies body into pieces.
During the day on a fucking beach? You can do it at night. You can do it at night.
But there's no... No, you can.
All right, so... Let her finish.
All right. I have an argument against that.
So you can cut... Let her finish.
You can cut it up at night. What are you going to use? Just any knife that the kid, this one.
Good. Perfect.
Okay. Well, then you're going to have to go.
You're coming with us. You're coming with us.
I'll be the one to chop. Do you feel comfortable enough chopping up fancy? Yeah.
Wow. What would you cut first? Head? Head first.
Head first. Go in head first.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You might as well.
And then what else? And then after chopping into small pieces, just throw the pieces on the beach. In the ocean? Scatter it around like it's fucking graffiti.
Yeah, because maybe there's sharks and they're going to eat it. On the beach.
There's just sharks suntanning on the beach. Hey, Raul.
Where are you going? I'm going to sunbeet on the beach, and maybe there's going to be human meat scattered. Mexican sharks.
Raul! Hey, Alejandro! The idea is insane. Why wouldn't you just throw it in the water? Yeah, in the water! That's what I'm saying! Okay, well, you said the beach.
You definitely said on the beach. In the water okay we don't bring her we don't bring her she's too suspect she's way too suspect she'll get us caught immediately yeah there's no scattering on the beach just throws an arm on the beach yeah no you have to create small pieces how small that's oh like little little tiny tiny tiny pieces you know how long that would take? Tiny pieces.
24 hours.

Hours and hours.

Yeah.

24 hours would take.

And someone would see you sawing through his bones.

Yeah, yeah.

And then we're yelling at you going, hurry up!

And you're just on the fucking foot part.

Imagine me sitting there having a drink, you smoking a cigarette.

We're yelling at her, hurry up!

Hurry up!

Yeah.

She's...

Right through Fancy's arm.

We can't do that.

We can't cut them into pieces.

I got it.

Go ahead.

I got it.

Go ahead.

We got to meet someone down in Mexico who's got a boat.

There we go.

We got to spend how much?

Well, how much can you rent a boat for in Mexico?

About 50 bucks, 60 bucks.

Do boat rental.

Dude, dude, dude.

Baby.

Baby, let me just say something, okay?

Mexicans aren't dumb.

It's not Mexicans. It's just cheaper in Mexico.
Yeah, but we're not going to go, hey, dude. Let me just say something.
Baby, let me just say something, okay? Mexicans aren't dumb. It's not Mexicans.
It's just cheaper in Mexico. Yeah, but we're not going to go, hey, dude, how much is your boat? He's going to go 50 bucks.
Can we put a dead body on it? He's going to be like, I need 10 grand. We're not going to tell him because guess what? What? When he gets out there with us.
No, we're not killing anybody else. I want to kill more than just fancy.
You're going hot and wild. Why can't we just kill him? We don kill we don't want to kill innocent people all right look we can rent a yacht or we can rent a sailboat for like 1200 a day the whole day in mexico yeah that's all that's a long that's a lot but that's also i can't do sailboat why do you know how to sail do you know how to sail dude there's a guy that does it we can't have anybody with you just said i couldn't kill anybody that's true that's true so it's either we can take someone we can kill i can figure it out you'll figure out how to sail i've seen enough movies can you imagine i've seen enough movies what what what side is the right side of the boat what side's the left side what are they called sternum sternum yeah yeah sternum is the left side yeah yeah and what's the right side the um anchor anchor that's right all right well then you know what i think we're gonna work out just fine yeah we on i'm on the sternum half and i'm on the anchor side yeah yeah without a doubt we pulled the guy up well we don't we call him the guy who he is no longer fancy oh he's gone because i if i call fancy i might get emotional yeah your heart is in it yeah yeah i might be like okay so we kill the guy what do we do you know so we kill the guy yeah yeah and let me tell you something he's a shit he is a piece of shit him.
Right. Piece of shit.
We kill the piece of shit. Just a piece of shit.
So we have the piece of shit. Yeah, yeah.
And you know, what do we put his shoes in? His shoes? What do we put his shoes in? Concrete. Cement.
That's right. Quick dry.
Quick dry cement. I don't know how that works.
His foot's already in the shoe. You put concrete in the shoe? No, dude.
You get two five-gallon buckets. You get two Home Depot five-gallon buckets.
You put quick dry put quick dry cement in there right literally put his feet in there put piece of shit's feet in there within 10 minutes it's solid as a rock right and then we throw then i can't i'll have nightmares just just seeing in my dream and float to the bottom just but he's just like floating forever just waving his arms like this but don't look i'll just toss him in and you look the other way have a cigarette look look over the anchor side of the boat while i'm tossing him over the sternum side and just okay we throw him over i throw him over and he's going down to the bottom right this is at night by the way i've never sailed during the day or night i know you should be sailing you should be probably sailing during the day we'll die yeah we'll die yeah yeah all right so then maybe you sail i'll sail at night at night yeah yeah there's not a lot of wind yeah i That close. Yeah, yeah.
We'll die. Yeah, we'll die.
Yeah, yeah. All right, so then maybe...
You sail. I'll sail.
At night. At night.
Yeah, yeah. There's not a lot of wind.
Yeah, I know. That close.
Yeah, yeah. That's fine.
We have to go deep in there. Yeah, we'll go two or three miles out.
Yeah. So now he's at the bottom of the ocean.
Now we're good. We're dead because we're going to be lost in the ocean.
I mean, so we come back. But isn't that...
We come back. We make it back.
Make it back. And our getaway driver's there.
Yeah, Rudy's there. And she doesn't know anything about it.
Yeah. Hey, thanks for picking us up.
And she's going to go. Okay.
She's sleeping. I know.
She's going to go, where's Fancy B? Say it. Where's Fancy B? Wait a minute.
I thought he was with you. He's not with you? That's the best horror film line.
I thought he was with you.'s not with you? that's the best horror film line I thought he was with you I saw you and I saw Fancy B and both of you Bob and I said we were going to go take some photos him and I and walk along the beach and Fancy said he was coming back to see you I never saw him coming back what do you mean you never saw him? I don't think I believe you I was waiting for the three of you sounds like something's fishy with that's very good. What's going on? We sent Fancy up to see you, and he left us like 20, 30 minutes ago.
Yeah. What have you been doing? Sleeping.
Sleeping where? In the car. Really? Yeah.
That's interesting. That's interesting because look at that sign right there.
It says no sleeping in cars by the beach. Yeah.
So what's going on? I didn't do anything.

You didn't do what?

Do what?

I didn't do anything.

You killed Fancy.

You killed Fancy.

No, we can't do.

That's ridiculous.

What are we accusing her of?

We don't.

She killed him.

No, no, no.

We have to help the police find out how she killed him.

No, we.

Yes.

No.

She's a murderer.

She's not a murderer.

No, no, no. Bro, you're losing your mind already.
You've got to calm yourself. No, no, you're going hog wild.
I know. Dude, we got to stay relaxed, dude.
Because we're going to be in an interrogation room. Okay.
Right? So we just go... I guess we don't know where...
So we would go straight to the police. Right.

We lost our friend.

Yeah.

We got in the car.

We thought he was with us.

You know what I mean?

We have the camera.

What's on the camera?

Nothing.

We were going to shoot a sketch here in the dark with no light.

Where did he go?

Did he go to pee or something?

We don't know.

We turned around.

He was gone.

He was gone.

Yeah.

So then we go back to LA?

Yeah.

We go back to LA.

Yeah.

We go back to LA.

And then what happens?

We get a new producer.

No, no, no, no.

I don't need it You're acting great You're not doing this We're moving to Yuma, Arizona No you're not doing this with me I bought us a house already You're not doing this with me I called my real estate agent You You're acting guilty already. You gotta act cool, man.
Okay, so we just stay where we are. We go,

no, we have to first go, then we come

back to LA. We go to the fucking police

department. Why wouldn't we go to the police down there?

We already went down to Tijuana, and

then we come back to LA, and we go, because we're concerned we don't know

what to do. We want to file a missing person.

We went to Tijuana with our friend Fancy B.

You know what I mean? And

just hear me out. This is the cop.
Imagine they write down, they're like, Fancy B. Got it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we're shooting a sketch. We have a podcast with that.
And we turned around. He was gone.
We don't know what to do. We went to the fucking Mexican police.
You know what I mean? What's so funny? It's just funny to hear me. We went to the fucking Mexican police.
Please. Now we're going to the regular police.
Now we're going to the regular one. The legitimate one.
You we don't know what to do. And they're like, okay, so then we would probably have to call his wife.
Oh, no. Yeah, you do it.
I can't do it. All right.
Hello? Oh, hey. Hey, it's Andrew.
It's Andrew from Bad Friends. Oh, hi, hi.
Yeah, what's up? I don't know how to break this to you. What? But Fancy B was down in Mexico with us, and there was an accident.
What do you mean? What kind of accident? Meanwhile, you hear me in behind you. And we're going, just play it cool.
Play it fucking cool, man. I get too nervous.
I get too nervous. Yeah, there was an accident, and he got got lost and we don't know where he is.
Is it an accident or is he just missing? Well, I'm saying he went missing by accident. Okay.
So what happened? So you- We went down to the beach. Yeah.
If I'm being honest with you, I think Rudy has something to do with his disappearance. What the fuck are you doing? Nothing.
What the fuck are you doing? I know what I'm doing. Shut the fuck up.
So listen. This is so listen i don't know what's going on but bobby and i went down to the beach to shoot

a scene and we came back up and he was up by the van supposedly with rudy and he was gone so he never made it to the van fuck fuck that's me shut up shut the fuck up shut up so yeah that's what Yeah.

Um, who is this?

It's Bobby.

Oh, hey, Bobby.

Hi!

Are you okay?

Hi!

Are you okay? Hi! Did you sleep well? Did you kill my husband? You would blow it immediately. Oh, that's...
I'm playing it cool! That's not playing it cool! Hi, did you sleep well? Yeah, I've never met him before! Yeah, so you would never ask someone you never met, have you slept well? All right, let me do it again. No, you blew it.

She knows.

LAP is at her fucking door.

We're going down.

Give me another shot.

That was rehearsal, right?

Give me the phone.

Give me the phone.

Yeah, so.

What ended up happening?

What happened?

We got out of the car.

Are you cringing your teeth?

I'm so upset right now. What's wrong? We turn around and's wrong where is my husband I think Jules killed her we would totally bail we'd be like Jules did it Jules did it 100% call the police on Jules click then the best part is she gets deployed to the Philippines we never hear from her again that's it it's over no she would get tried here as no dude no she would call the philippines she could try to hear as a dog we can't fucking do that we can't throw them we have to okay we we stay with the plan google what does a filipino get for involuntary manslaughter how much time how much prison time is she gonna face you think it's it's a lot? In the Philippines? No, here.

She's going to get tried here.

A Philippines?

It doesn't matter in our laws what race you are.

Yes, it does.

You're not paying attention to the law.

Voluntary manslaughter, sentencing, and penalties.

There we go.

All right, so how long does she get? Sentencing, what does it say?

Case by case.

10 years, bro. Can you do 10 years for us that's nothing that's fine you would do 10 years for us probably 7 and a half with good behave yeah we'd send her money into her you know they all get cards now you know what I would sneak in I've always wanted to do this sneak in stuff in your butt yeah sneak heroin balloons I would sneak in heroin balloons in my butt I've always wanted to see if I could get away with it.
Could you imagine you'd hear like... Right.
And then what I would do is I've always imagined like the heroin would be gross. You have to puke it out? No.
I would have it in my butt then I would stick it in my mouth. Why? And do a European kiss with you.
No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's how it works. You want to shoot when you're in prison? You're going to want to shoot heroin.
It's terrible. Or sell it because it's good for money.
No, just use it. I'll get you high grade shit.
Well, it's going to be in your butt then in your mouth. I'll get it from the little boy from the chicklets.
He's my dealer, right? Why don't you just poop it out and give it to her from there? Because you can't they see your hands. You're not to like kiss or touch and you're not allowed to touch you can do a european kiss i think you but how does how about i do a cough in the bag when she catches it right and she doesn't it hits her face and now she has to pick it yeah you're right she wouldn't be able to do you'll serve 10 for us 7 and a half with good behave you'll do it yeah you'll do it do you think you'd fight the first person in prison no I'd be too scared so what do you do you know first day in you have to establish yourself you either gotta be with the white supremacists yeah yeah yeah you gotta be with the gangs you gotta choose your clan who's your clan the Nazis and here's the black guys go with the Nazis go with the Nazis.
But don't they... They don't like me?

Yeah.

No one's gonna like you.

Yeah, no, no.

No one's gonna like you.

But I mean, you can prove yourself to the Nazis.

Yeah, yeah.

With your knives.

Okay.

Your knife work.

Look, look at these guys.

Do you think you could be like one of these fellas?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's your group.

No, that's...

Those aren't Nazis.

That's not Nazis.

What did you type in?

Prison gangs?

Type in prison... Nazis.
No, they're just called white supremacists. Prison white supremacists.
Asian prison gangs. Ooh, this might be your clique.
Look at that third picture. It looks like just a bunch of breakdancers.
That's your clan right there. That's your clique.
Go with the Asians. Yeah, well, the guy on the far right looks white.
Oh, that's true. They look weak.
You know what that is right there? What? Is MS-13. That is? Yeah.
Respect MS-13. I think MS-13.
You've always wanted tattoos on your face. Would you be willing to get an MS-13 on your face? Yeah.
Really? You'd do it, huh? Yeah. But at the end of the day, what would end up happening is that- She would be the boss.
No, what would happen, the cops would be like, she didn't do it, you guys did it. We're gone by then.
We're in Yuma at the house I bought us. No, no, we didn't get the house.
Why can't we get the house? Because you don't think that they can find us there? In Yuma? Yeah. No, dude.
It's kind of on its own little paradise. Here's what we do.
It's a three-bed, three-bed. Better.
I bought it already. We get, right? What's the Unabomber's name? Richard Kaczynski? Ted Kaczynski? Ted Kaczynski.
Yeah. We get Ted Kaczynski's out in the Montana mountains.
Isn't he dead? Yeah, but we get his fucking- Oh, get his old shed? His shed. Oh, get his shed.
You and I can live in there. Okay.
Right? They're never going to find us out there, you think? In you think in ted kaczynski shed well they might be able to hear us fucking guess what i'm wearing right now me undies me undies i use me undies um everywhere i bring it on the road um i wear that's the only underwear i wear because i like the way it feels on my body i like the way it fits i like the patterns and it's got a little it's got a little cup for you oh my god mine has a little little tiny cup we've got three little cups but it's like it's um it really is the my underwear for life it is great me undies offers classic colors they also have ridiculous prints you can fully express yourself on your own unique way with your undies me undies are available in a range of sizes from extra small like tiny little human beings up to 4XL like Bob. Never leave your couch again with a MeUndies membership, a monthly subscription that sends new pairs right to your door.
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Is it in a museum somewhere?

Yeah, I think it's in a museum, yeah.

They brought it back.

There it is.

Wow, does that look so creepy.

I know.

Wow.

He lived there for like years.

It was over a decade, wasn't it?

Way longer.

I mean, he was building bombs the whole time.

Yeah.

Dude, if you had to be a recluse like that,

what part of the world would you move to to be alone?

If you're one of these people that has to be alone and like build chaotic machines and hate on the real world, where do you live? I wouldn't build a shed like that. I would build...
Like a bunker? No. What I would do is in Torrey Pines.
In San Diego. In San Diego, right? Yeah, yeah.
There's a side of a cliff. I'm not kidding you.
This is not made up. No, I know, but it's so beautiful down there.
It's like... Right, but somebody had chiseled a house along the side of a cliff.
I'm not kidding you. This is not made up.
No, I know, but it's so beautiful down there. Right, but somebody had chiseled a house along the side of a cliff.
What do you mean? I'm not kidding you. Like chiseled a house out of a cliff? Yeah.
Wow. Yeah, maybe if Torrey Pines, I don't know.
House chiseled out of a cliff? There's no way you can find that. You could literally go there, and you walk in, and there's like a makeshift, somebody chisel a bed.
Wow. Right? So I would probably chisel something.
So you'd be a chiseler. I'm not good with woodwork.
Right. Wood's expensive right now.
No, but I just don't know how to chop it. I don't know how to deal with it.
Well, then you think you're better at chiseling than woodwork? I know how to do this. I know how to do this.
It's much harder than than that why? because you're going through stone dude

something to do

something to do

what do you do out there?

you're right

no you're right

alright so you're moving to Torrey Pines

and then the chiseled place

no no no

I would probably go to like

you know

a mountain range

South America somewhere

oh okay

find a mountain range

right

and chisel a little house

on the side of a cliff

that sounds kind of quaint and cute

yeah yeah yeah

where would you be rude?

you had

if you're running away

you're going to be a recluse and you want to live in the middle of nowhere, perhaps going to cock some kind of evil plan. Where are you going? New Zealand or go back to the Philippines.
Go back to the Philippines. The Philippines would probably be too safe for you.
Because New Zealand, that seems much more risky. How many islands are there in the Philippines 7,000 something what? yeah I literally was like 50 we were in a boat how many islands are in the Philippines we took a boat in the Philippines and we go to these little remote islands and no one lives That's insane.
I've never known. I thought it was like.
And the best is when you go to a small island like that. Yeah.
And the water is so blue. Yeah.
And no one's ever been on it. Right.
And it's just like, it's magical. It's your own little paradise.
Yeah. The islands sometimes are as big as this room.
Yeah. Well, that can't last that long, right?

What do you mean?

Because of the...

Because of the changing of the ocean.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Maybe it was Hawaii at one point and then the sea...

Yeah, yeah.

7,000 though?

Do you know any of them that are little secret islands that you're aware of?

No.

Is Epstein's Island there still?

I don't know.

Great parties.

I mean, ragers. Tell me what island you know.
Is there a secret island That you used to go to When you were a kid Yeah but I forgot the name But we all There's Isn't there one that's haunted With witches and stuff No that's just a place That's just, wait, tell me the story of that. It's near somewhere in Cebu,

and they always say that there's witches there that live there,

and kids should be scared because they take kids,

and they just eat kids.

Oh, look at this.

Escaro Pension House, a four-story building located in Escaro Street in Cebu City.

Believers claim it's haunted.

Stories maintain that a monthly worker perished during its construction. Fort San Pedro historical.
Wow. So look up the Escaro Pension House.
I want to see it. Oh.
That definitely looks like witches. No, that's not it.
It's the first one. That's not it.
That's it. That's it? It's so modern.
Witches don't deserve to live in a more modern.

No, no, they don't.

It looks like a Marriott courtyard.

Yeah.

Anyway, these little islands, I always think about maybe living in one on one.

I wonder how much fun you would go there.

Badly.

I want to go bad.

I've never been to the Philippines.

I want to go.

Believe it or not, they have these really cool hotels and stuff, like high-end hotels. And they have great chefs.
Well, you almost made me throw up. Because I haven't eaten all day, and I burped up something.
What was it? Something from yesterday? Like a bean or something. That's's one bean imagine just one bean making its

way of like i'm coming out i'm having these like um it's called heartburn yeah but i'm having i'm

always kind of like burping up food it's acid reflux that's what it is yeah you should i get

chunks of food that's what that is i think it's oh so i went to the dentist today let me see

no you don't didn't clean wait let me see oh it looks good yes so

you know i haven't been a dentist in a decade yeah and so my teeth is hurting my teeth is all

of them two of them one down here one up here uh-huh and so i've been taking ibuprofen advil

every day it hurts so bad and i just because i go to new york next week so i'm like maybe i'll just

go to and then colada's like you gotta go and i know'll just go to, and then Kalilah's like, you got to go.

And I know, I don't know a dentist.

You don't have a dentist that you go to.

I used to go to this place called Best Western Smile or whatever, but it's too far.

It's a dental office in a Best Western hotel.

I don't know what it's called.

Like ran a room, get a face clean.

No, but then, so I went to see her dentist.

Kalilah's.

The dentist made me laugh because I didn't tell him,

because, you know, I'm missing 19 teeth,

and I have bad gingivitis,

and I didn't explain that to him.

Yeah, he found out fast.

He opened my mouth and gets the first,

no, the first two words out of his mouth was,

I'll just tell you what it was.

That poop, question mark? I don't know. He goes.
That poop? No, the first two words of his mouth was. I'll just tell you what it was.
That poop?

Question mark?

No.

He goes.

That poop?

No.

He goes, oh boy.

Did he really?

Oh boy.

Oh boy.

Right.

And I go, my teeth are hurting.

And he goes, what teeth?

Which is funny, right?

Right.

This guy's great.

He's great.

But I need a root canal in this. Oh, I've had one.
Yeah. Oh my God.
I've had 15. What? Yeah, I've had so many.
15 root canals. Yeah.
Why? So many? Maybe seven. That's so many.
Maybe seven. I lie.
So you have to have one down here. So I have one out here and then maybe one up here.
Why don't you just start taking care of your teeth i brush do you floss oh the bean there's a bean there's the bean yeah when you say you brush how many times a day do you brush night one time at night you never brush in the morning no because when i'm sleeping i'm not eating but when you wake up your first thing you when you wake up you don't brush at all holy shit why you should why i didn't eat a sandwich while i was sleeping no but you don't just brush just because you weren't eating bud what happens you brush your teeth because that's bacteria grows in your mouth is that what it is that's why you don't have that many teeth is that what it is so look at it like this yeah if you don't take care of your neighborhood and clean up the streets and repave the street and repave once in a while and fix the sidewalks and fix the streetlights that are out, people are going to leave the neighborhood, aren't they?

I never thought of it that way.

Your teeth people are leaving the neighborhood.

They're leaving the neighborhood.

In the root canal?

Yeah.

Are the other people coming in?

Drug dealers, criminals, prostitutes.

That's who's moving in.

Yeah.

So you want to keep your neighborhood nice.

Also, the next question I had was, do I have gum cancer? And? I don't So that's good That's huge But you know you can get it pretty easily If you don't take care of your teeth at all I know he goes But you have really bad gingivitis And he goes And I think you should get implants Because you know When I was in Hawaii last week Like all of your teeth? No just get bees done Oh Because in Hawaii last week- Like all of your teeth? No, just get bees done. Oh.
Because in Hawaii last week, I just want to mention, there's this kid actor. His name is Martin Martinez.
Shout out to Martin Martinez. He's 23 years old.
Okay. And he was on Magnum P.I., shot Magnum P.I.
I took him to dinner because it was his birthday. 23 birthday? His 23rd birthday.
Is he a cutie pie? Pretty've been selling she doesn't like him what don't you like about him? his photos on Google bring up his picture Martin Martinez Martin Martinez by the way shame on his parents for doing that Martin Martinez pick a better first name that's like me being Santee Santino. He's a cutie patootie pie.
I know. I mean, he's got talent.
That's like you being Lee Lee. He's got a Johnny Depp vibe.
Look at how thick his hair is. Beautiful.
Beautiful skin. You don't like this guy? Why? He's posing too much.
He's posing too much. Really? What do you want, you fucking...
Look at how chicks are, man. She doesn't like

posers. No, but it's like they have so many

conditions. They do.
You know what I mean?

He's a good actor. He's cute.

He's a nice kid. He's age-appropriate.
But he doesn't pose

well? Well, that fifth picture

in the red shirt up there is really...

What did he put that up for?

I don't get that. It's fine.

That's cool. That's a cool pic.

What don't you like about that? The watch, the

hands, look at the clothes. Yeah.

What is he looking at over there? Maybe Jules.

But anyway, we're

eating dinner and I ordered a steak.

Right? And I don't tell new

people that I don't have any teeth.

And I have to chew steak with my front teeth.

Yeah, it's cute. It's like a little rabbit.

So I'm sitting there like this. Like a little rabbit steak.

And it takes me like

five minutes. I'm not even kidding.

Five minutes just to get one chunk into enough, you know what I mean, pieces. What's so funny? Until I can swallow it, right? Just that you need like liquid food.
Yeah, yeah. So I'm doing this.
And he goes, hey dude, what are you doing? And I'm just like, and I think I need implants. I need implants because it's insane.
Bob, that makes me feel sad. It's insane what I'm doing.
Well, should we start a GoFundMe for your teeth? No, I can afford it. You can? Yeah, I'm going to.
Then let's knock it out and let's do it. Shout out to Marty Martinez.
Happy birthday, bud. Yeah.
By the way, I want to show you something. Jake is on the line.
Oh, Jake is here? Let's get Jake on. Let's get from Jake.
This is our good friend Jake Doobie.

Yeah, I know here. Hello?

Jake? Hey.

Bobby Lee here. What's going on?

Hi, cutie. I mean, guy.

I opened weird.

When I said cute, I just looked at your photo and I just, in my head, I was like,

oh, he's a cute guy, but it wasn't

I wasn't hitting on you. He is hitting on you right now,upeser.
No I get it and I like Dupeser too. I've gotten I get Dupeser, Dupesquad, Pubey.
Pubey's cool. I like Pubey.
Jake Pubey. I get a lot of different things.
How old are you Dupes? 22. Right on.
Right on. Hey, we want to say congratulations on graduating from USC.
Thank you. When did it happen? Did it already happen or is it happening? In May, I graduated.
Oh, so it did happen. Congratulations, Doob.
Congratulations. Congratulations.
And let me ask you something. So, you know, we didn't know who you were when we- I did.
Bobby didn't know who you were. Well, I have his album fuck yourself oh you do yeah okay okay what's it called dupesies on planet earth dupesies on planet earth is right right shit it's good that's a good that's a good album but jake anyway uh so jake we didn't know jake we didn't know who you were when we saw the lalapalooza lineup.
And we obviously could have been anyone on the last name on the thing. Right.
But you know what? I have to say to be on a poster with all those talented people, that must have felt good, right? Yeah, honestly. Did you submit? No.
And that's the funny thing is like people were like they were like how the fuck did you like how did you get it like did you apply like it's i was like it's not a job like you don't just like apply like they just reached out like i don't i don't know like people are like asking me how you get it and i was like to be honest like i don't know like they just reached out so you have no idea how i think i know how it happened i think they somebody that works a lot of blues they're having a meeting right. They're throwing out lineups.
And it's like, alright, we got the lineup. We got the 300 people, right? And is that it? And then some hot chick in the meeting goes...
Or guy. Or guy? Yeah, or guy.
Hey! I love Dubster. I love Dubster.
And they're like, who? And they're like, Jake Dubster. And they looked it up.
Yeah. And they all probably wedded themselves.
And they saw how cute he is. Yeah, yeah.
And they love the music. They love the music.
Love the music. The music's great.
Yeah. And then they go, just put him on the end.
Put him on the end. Yeah, yeah.
Make him in the caboose. That's probably the most likely thing.
Well, Dubster, we're glad that, where are you from, bud? I can hear a Southern accent a little bit or a draw yeah i'm from i'm from lexington kentucky right on but genuinely doopster we're happy that you called on the show and we hope that you think we got a couple streams for you online do you think we helped yeah uh i got a million dms and comments letting me know that i was on the podcast and that a bunch of people commented like Bad Friends sent me here. Hell yeah.
And then I got, let's see, I'm trying to think of the exact number. I got probably 3,000 more monthly listeners in like 24 hours.
That's great. And now that you're on here, you're going to get more.
Let's grow the Doopsters fan base. And I hope some of the Bad Friends family listening to jake doobie and go check him out and support him dupesty is um a part of her family now he is and we're gonna let me tell you something bud all right just by talking to you on the phone right now seem like a good guy you seem like a good guy and we're all you know in the beginning you know him and i were kind of joking around this and that but you know what i think it's turned into a love affair i love.
We love you, dude. Love you guys.
Hopefully, we'll talk to you in five years when you're selling out fucking Madison Square Garden. We better get backstage passes.
We better get backstage passes. We helped.
You all got passes to any show automatically now. Okay.
All right. Thank you, dude.
Appreciate you, brother. Bye, dudes.
Bye, dudes. Nice, dude.
What do you think? Bring his photo so she can take a look yeah yeah we can pimp him out now because we own him a little bit right we own him we manage him we manage him that's what i mean we're his managers good looking kid what do you say do you like that pose is that pose okay for you no no so are you fucking dude you're such a brat look at him there look at the second picture in look at how cute that one is you don't like that pose what's wrong with that i want someone like adam driver oh god come on oh that's what he yeah look you like the drives you like the driver it's fine it's fine so someone sent me this clip and they were like you you're gonna love this this is how they train the camp in the cambodian police department yeah like what they do is they train these guys and they got to go through this rigorous training process kind of like our military but then at the end they got to stand in line and stuff like that and just take it from the head guy and i don't mean just like not full metal jacket yelling at you yeah physical fucking them up oh this dude fucks them up look at It's like the gap of age is insane.

They're laughing a little bit.

They're smiling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God.

See, he's smiling.

He's smiling.

So it's kind of part of the thing you have to laugh it off.

Yeah, yeah.

That's Cambodian.

By the way, Cambodian police, they don't mess around.

Yeah.

Oh, there's more?

You don't have to play. You don't have to play all of them.
Look at this one. Does he kick them when they're spread leg? Yeah, yeah.
Oh, he spreads their legs more. Oh, yeah, they want to see if they can get all the way down on the ground in the splits.
Can you do the splits? Yeah, but my question to you is that what if this is all the training is? That's it. And so when they're actually on the field, right, they're just standing around, you know what I mean? Waiting to get kicked.
Yeah, waiting to get kicked. The criminals are like, we're running away and they're like, we have to wait.
Well, if the criminals attack them, they're probably good at like just standing there. And taking the hits.
And taking the hits. That's actually true.
That's good. Maybe they just take the hits.
Do they have guns? Yeah. Do they have guns or is it just, or they just have to fight with their fists and their legs? I think they have guns.
I don't know. In Cambodia? Do the filipino police are they mean i heard that they used to do those things but they stopped did you see there's one video i can't image we can't even show here let's show it there's no way we must so there's a cop an ex-cop right he he lives in a house in the philippines it's on video online right and um he has an argument, right? one right is it bad yeah it's pretty bad so he some guy was making noise or some good neighbor he doesn't like he comes over this cop with a gun mm-hmm and the grandma's like we're sorry we're sorry you know we won't make the noise or whatever right right what was the noise i don't know he was probably playing the um um pearl jam or something got it right vitology probably okay yeah and she's like don't please please he was taking a nap he comes next door and um grandma's like no no and he just goes whatever their your language i apologize right and sounds right yeah right and he's like no no And he just goes, pap, no, no.
And he just goes, whatever your language. I apologize, right? Sounds right.
And he's like, no, no, no. And he just goes, pap, pap, pap, pap.
He just kills him. Yeah.
Sight unseen. On video.
On video. That's so awful.
You see everything, and it's so brutal. How about that, though? For real.
The Afghanistan president just left. Dude just left.
Oh, man. Goodbye.
Yeah. Some of those photos are so hard hard if you were president of that country would you leave too be honest well i you know i'm korean and in koreans we just the captain never leaves the ship right so you'd stay i would stay you gotta right yeah would you what would you do if your country was overthrown by the the taliban or the version of the Taliban in the Philippines? Do they have terrorist hate groups in the Philippines? I think so, but I don't really know the names of them.
They're just not that popular yet? Yeah, no. They're like the Jake Doobies of the Philippines.
Please, please. What do you mean? He's a part of our family.
No, but I'm saying that he's not popular yet, but they're going to get there. They're going to get there, yeah.
The Abu Sayyaf primarily operates in the southern Philippines members traveling to Manila and other provinces. It was reported that Abu Sayyaf...
Abu Sayyaf. What is it? Abu Sayyaf.
Yeah, so exactly how he said it. It began expanding into neighboring Malaysia and Indonesia in the early 1990s.
Abu Sayyaf, one of the smallest but strongest of the Philippines Islamist separatist groups. Let me ask you a question.
Shout out to Abu Sayyaf. When we went to the Philippines, remember we went to the Philippines and we went to the, you know where the kids were, where they were poor? Yeah.
Kids were running out of their huts naked. And we had a bunch of food that we bought.
What's the poorest area? I don't know what that area is called. It's near where I lived before.
Really? Yeah, yeah. So we went in there, and it's this gigantic field with these huts and these terrible, right? Sad.
Yeah, they're like shacks. Yeah.
And kids are running out with no pants. Little kids, bigger dicks than me, all of them.
No pants? Yeah. We had these spaghetti and a bunch of food for them.
And what's so funny? funny? Spaghetti. So specific.
It's cheap and cheap. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And fruit drinks.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
Like grape drink, whatever. Okay.
And, but then there was like, I'm like, why don't I just eat the, there's sheep there, lamb. No, those are their pets.
Wasn't there lamb there? Yeah, there was, but I don't know, they're pets. Yeah, they're pets, bud.
But eat the lamb first. It's a pet.
You can't eat lamb chop. How about this? I just go, eat the lamb first.
I'll give you the spaghetti. You can make them kill and eat the lamb before they get the spaghetti? I mean, it just feels like it's ridiculous.
There's a bunch of lamb laying around. This was right next to your neighborhood where you grew up? Yeah, a little near, like 10 minutes away.
Wow. Yeah, it's so sad.

Did you ever go over there or no?

You never went over there?

No.

No?

Oh, my God, because she's too classy, huh?

No.

Do you think you're better than those people?

No.

You have air conditioning.

I just don't go there because I don't know anyone.

Oh, they had air conditioning.

Well, no, your house, though, there was a point, though, you guys did live in, like,

what was the worst house you lived in? Near that. Yeah so what was that was there What was it made out of? Cement.
Okay but was there was there water? Was there running water? There was. Do you get hot water? No.
No hot water? Just cold water. You took cold showers when you were a kid? We have this there's no shower's no shower, so we just...
It's like a... Bucket.
Bucket. Yeah, and we just shower with that.
Wow. And you heat the water? No.
You don't heat the water? You don't put it on the stove or the fire? Was the toilets work? No. It's a poop in a hole, right? Yeah.
No, we use the bucket to flush. The bucket? Whoever invented the bucket.
Genius. Genius.
Who invented the bucket? I mean, it's like... What a cool guy.
Here's what you can do, right? You can put cement in it and drown people. And kill fancy people.
Right, right. You can fucking poop.
You can poop in it. Right.
You could wash the poop down. You could wash yourself.
You can play the drums on the street. Right.
The bucket drummers. You can go to New York, flip it around.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Amazing, right.
You can poop in it later. Right, right.
If you wanted to. And if you're a bad kid kid you could stick it on your head right and sit in the corner corner get over there with the fucking bucket right the bucket whoever invented the bucket well i'll tell you who invented it it's delana sorel in 1837 sturdy and rustproof galvanized buckets was before that 1837 yeah, they weren't using buckets.
This was a bucket.

Your hands were a bucket. No, no, no.

This was a bucket.

Because in Game of Thrones, where they put the bucket on the...

Is that a bucket where they stick the rats in?

It's more like a...

Not really a bucket.

I don't know.

What is that?

What would you call that?

A carry-all.

I don't know what that is.

Yeah, yeah.

Is that it?

Is that Stellanus Sorel, the guy that invented the bucket?

Look at this guy. That's the guy.
He should. George Sorel.
Yeah. The best inventor in the world.
Where was he from? Yeah. I want to know more.
Click on the Wikipedia page of him and see where this guy was from, the bucket god. But it's not even that.
It's basically like this. How do you pitch a bucket? So, you know, it's like a cup, but bigger.

But we already have big cups.

Bigger than that one.

Like a big, big cup? Yeah, like a big, big cup.

For what?

You don't need that much.

The venti.

Venti.

Oh.

You've been to Starbucks?

I get it.

A venti cup.

I guess that makes perfect sense.

Yeah.

There's the first bucket right there.

There's one of them.

That's it.

That, whoever invented that.

Well, we saw.

George O'Sullo.

Amazing.

What a great guy.

You know,

the simple stuff like that,

who invents simple shit.

I know.

Isn't that kind of,

the simplest stuff.

Yeah.

Who,

like,

like,

like the,

well,

I mean.

What?

What?

What were you going to say?

Like who invented the wheel?

A caveman?

Marcus.

Are you kidding?

Marcus invented the wheel?

Marcus,

he didn't have a last name. Who invented the wheel? Trump, apparently.
There was a picture of Donald Trump. I invented the wheel.
The wheel was invented in 4th century BC in Lower Mesopotamia. It's Iraq.
So 4th century BC, they invented a wheel. But it took them thousands of years to get a bucket.
To get a bucket. Yeah.
Probably a little lazy. I think once you get the wheel, you're like, we're done.
Oh, that is dope because people are like what are you gonna carry stuff in you're like right here yeah you just carry stuff in your hands or you would just drink you know what they used to do before buckets for water yeah you'd have the fattest guy drink as much as he could and then he'd have to puke it back up yeah to the members of the like a like a mama bird, and just puke back up.

Who invented, you know that they have cockfights? Yeah.

And there's like little knives.

Oh, little knives on the cocks?

On the cocks? Yeah, little knives, little cock knives.

Who invented cock knives?

Cock knives? It does sound like

a German would make it. And on to hand

with little tiny knives on to fingers.

Because it sounds diabolical. Like a German would make that up.
on the hand we'll have little tiny knives on the fingers. Because it sounds

diabolical like a German

would make that up.

And little tiny

gas masks.

Gas masks

and knives.

He will come in

on a Mercedes

and have little tiny

little knives

on his fingers.

That's amazing.

The cock knives.

Who invented cock knives?

That's a genius thought.

That's a genius thought.

It really is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because the guy

because the guy

that invented it, right?

Those was the first cock.

And somebody probably

Thank you. that's a genius thought it really is yeah yeah yeah because the guy because the guy that invented it right those was the first cock and somebody probably went that's not fair because his cock was beating the shit out of all the cocks he was the terminator of all fucking cock he had the best cock just like slicing things like you know limbs going all over the place and all these cocks were like they were trying to tell their owners this guy's cheating this cock is cheating yeah this cheating cock yeah yeah what if we had suicide cock bombers oh yeah little vest and the bottom and the cock gets in there and he opens up yeah but they would be like truth it would be i mean it would be draw draw it's a draw but still you can bet on a draw you can bet on a draw tie winner place yeah You can bet on a draw.
You can bet on a draw. You know what I want to know? What? Who invented jockeys? The little guys that get on horses.
God made them. No, dude.
They're made in a lab. No, no, no.
Have you seen how small those people are? No, dude. Because they're not quite LPs.
They're not little people, but they're not. But my brother, Steve.
Not jockey enough. Wait, he's.
Average height and weight of a jockey. Do average height and weight of a jockey.
Wait till you see this. Steve is bigger than these.
I'm telling you. They're so small, but they're not LPs.
They're not like our buddy, Brad Williams. Average 4'10 to 5'6.
No one's over five feet tall. It says 5'6 there.
So my brother, Steve. It says two men.
That's the maximum. 108 pounds.
Yeah, but I'm. Listen.
Listen to me. I'm calling your brother right now.
No, no, no. Stop.
I'm five three. Yeah.
As we proved. Five two.
I'm not five fucking two, bro. How tall? Five two.
Five two. She saw.
She was there. I'm not fucking five.
I'm not five two. I'm not five two.
Just because you yell it loud enough doesn't mean it's not true. I'm not 5'2 5'3 because I said I was 5'4 before and now I'm 5'3 no we dude she was proof it was 5'2 okay still you're way more than 110 pounds that's my point you couldn't be a jockey I know but if I lost the weight I could look at this bullshit says 5'5 on the fucking internet 5'5 the the internet does a lie bullshit yeah yeah five five that's bullshit yeah there we go type in how much is bobby lee worth this is how this is how off the internet is it'll say a million dollars one yeah steve stevie yeah hey babe you're on the podcast say hi to your brother hey steve what's up bob steve we were talking about if we could be a jockey, like a horse jockey.
How tall are you? I'm 5'4", 5'5". No, Steve, Steve.
See, maybe they got that mixed up. They said Steve Lee is 5'5".
Steve, Steve, Steve.

Bob Lee is 5'2". Steve.
How tall is your brother, you think, for real, Steve?

5'4"? No, lower. Well, you're taller than me, Steve?

No, you know what? We're probably shorter. Yeah, maybe you're right.
Maybe you're right. Yeah, maybe you're right.
I'm 5'3". So we can trust none of this information.
I'm 5'4". I think I might be 5'4".
You're 5'2". You're 5'2".
No, no, there's no way I'm 5'2". There's no way.
I'm 5'2". If I'm 5'2", you're 5'2".
If he's 5'2", you're 5'2". No, but I think Bob shrunk over time.
I told you, you shrunk. I didn't shrink over time! Yes, you did.
When I met you, you were 5'4". When I met you, you were at least almost 5'5".
See? Thank you, Steve. Yeah, no problem.
Love you guys. Hey, wait, wait, wait, Steve.
How much do you weigh? 135. See? Couldn't be a jockey.
So that's what I'm saying. He's smaller than your brother.
Okay, okay. Has to be 20 pounds less.
Yeah, all right. Bye, Steve.
Bye, Steve. No, Steve, could you lose 20 pounds? Do you think by the fall, we want to enter you in a race? I mean, I would have to run every day.
It would have to be a whole lifestyle. Are you committed? I don't know.
Well, can we talk about it? Because I don't want to be put on the spot to become a jockey. All right.
Bye, buddy. Bye, buddy.
Bye, dude. Love you, guys.
Love you. Bye, bye.
That dude's the best. My brother? Your brother is the best.
He's great. So we can't make him a jockey.
What I was wondering is that did little people. Careful.
Little people. You don't want the little people committee coming after us.
LPC will fuck us up. A guy like Brad Williams, who's a little person.
Who's a good friend of ours. Who's a good friend of ours.
Yeah. Could Brad Williams, did they try it first? Let's just try it a little person.
They put a little guy in there. Yeah.
And then they started wrestling and the guy just flew away. Pew! Is that what happened? That's how Brad ended up in California.
Yeah, yeah. He's from Kentucky.
Yeah. Maybe that's how it was.
yeah maybe that's so hard it ended up here i wonder all the things that they tried like who could run the who could be on the horse the yeah let's try baby yeah yeah he's light you think we can't control it well you just strap him on right so he's just on the side of the yeah yeah like a saddlebag yeah he's a saddlebag. You put him in the saddlebag.

You put him in there,

his little face is sticking out.

Well, what are the rules?

Do you have to control the horse or could you just smack the horse's butt

and let it go?

Maybe if the horse is smart enough.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It meets the baby

and you go,

saddlebag baby,

you go.

Yeah.

Why do we even need to put the baby

if the horse can do it on his own?

Someone's got to be on the horse

to make it official.

That's true.

It's got to have some kind of body. Right, right.

I wouldn't, yeah. Have you been to

a horse race before? The fucking know.

Why? The Delmar Fair, the fairgrounds

are right next to your house. There's no way, there's no way.

You grew up down the street from there. I knew where it was.

I was just like, I would drive by and go, yeah,

I'll never go there. Why? Too white?

I saw a movie called Let It

Ride.

What? There was a movie called Let It Ride with Richard Dreyfuss. I've never seen that.
Yeah, I was going to say, it sounded like a casino movie. Yeah, but it's with horsies, right? Is it with horsies? Yeah, it is.
There's horsies in the background. Yeah, there's horsies in the background, right? So Let It Ride, here's how I know I saw the movie, okay? Because I used to- Because you saw the movie.
No, no, no. That's not why.
Because this is an interesting thing. Is that I used to do commercials with Joe Pitka.
I know him. Yeah, the violent guy.
Yeah. Right? Yeah.
So there was a legend where Joe Pitka, he directed Let It Ride. Right on.
And a Fox executive gave him a note in a scene. You know how sometimes- Sure.
You know, caught, and the Fox guy just had a note. He's like, why don't we- And Joe Pitka headbutted him in the face and broke his nose.
Cool. Right? Cool.
And then he was banned from making movies again. I like how that's such an innocuous...
You're banned. But...
You don't get to make movies. He made Space Jam.
Space Jam 1. 1.
Joe Pica did. Because Michael Jordan refused to do it without him.
How did he know Michael Jordan? Because Joe Pitka is the Steven Spielberg of commercial

directing. And Jordan

did Gatorade with him. No, Jordan

did all his commercials through Joe Pitka.

I mean, but I want to know what was the first Joe Pitka

commercial he did with Jordan. I don't know.
Because that

would have been the thing.

So when I found that out,

because I used to work for Joe Pitka.

What did you do for Joe? I've done like

10 commercials

as an actor. And I heard that story

on set. And so I

I'll see story on set. And so I...
Wow. Yeah.
Joe Pitka. Go, go.
Oh, I've seen. Yeah, I know him.
Go down to director. Go down to director.
Oh, there it is. Go to the very first thing he directed.
Keep going all the way down. All the way down.
Okay, up up so he pepsi so he did a pepsi and then he did a hershey syrup messy marvin what was the thing you think he did oh look he did with michael jackson let it ride no no but i'm just saying before that he did something with jordan so look he did a bunch oh he did dirty diana yeah Nose campaign. Oh, I love Bow Nose.
He also did, when Michael Jackson's hair got caught on fire, the Pepsi. There you go.
He did Hair Jordan. Nike, the Hair Jordan with Bugs Bunny.
Yeah. Which of, oh, that's genius.
That's eventually led to Space Jam. How many years later? Look at that.
Nike Hair Jordan, when the Hair Jordan shoes came out, was 92. Do you know what the Hair Jordans are? No.
Look up Jordan. Look atordan hair jordan shoes these i had these shoes when i was a kid this is the these were like some of the coolest it's so funny how he was so fucking good at putting his name on great designers but the hair jordans were the shit shoes shoes yeah that there well that's them right there okay the sevens look at how fucking cool those you don't even like basketball shoes those are fucking cool those are dope but when those shoes came out are they expensive when we were kids they were well if you could if you wanted to buy an original hair jordan the hair jordan sevens right now right now brand new i can tell you or the sixes i mean i can tell you how much uh i can tell you how much they are i can look up right now how much do you think they'd be worth rudy how much do you think those are for? $300? No, I would say about $10,000.
$10,000 for Hair Jordans. Not anymore.
No, no, no. Well, because they've remade so many of them.
No, the original. What is the original? 1994? Yeah, Hair Jordans.
Okay, 92, I mean. 92 Hair Jordans.
Authentic Hair Jordans. They won't take any bid under five grand.

Yeah, I mean, so they bid it and probably 10 grand.

Wow.

The original OG 92s of the sevens right now in my size, five grand.

Yeah.

Wow.

300.

You don't know anything about shoes. They're the originals, he's saying.
You can buy them now for like 250 bucks. Yeah.
But he's talking about the ones from then, if you could buy them today. Yeah.
I would never. What? I mean, I know you buy expensive shoes, but I would never.
Rick Glassman calls me there and he goes, so you want to go in on it? In on what? A magic card? Oh, yeah, you've seen these, right? They open the magic cards. And I go, how much is it? He goes, well, if you and I pull together a hundred grand, we can get it.
I go, for a card? Is that really what they're worth? Oh yeah. Wait, really? Magic cards, how much are they worth? Like the prime ones.
$100,000. For a fucking card.
What's the most expensive magic card i'm gonna lose my mind did you ever play magic no did you play magic do you even know what it is yeah these yeah those are the ones 10 most expensive magic cards yeah these are the ones time vault what i don't understand is these are just what is it you use these cards in a game, correct? how much is that card? ah dude, what are you talking about? $3,000 oh, go down to number one, that's why it's going backwards alright, let's see what it is for number one $250,000 holy fucking shit what is that one called? the black lotus, of course. $250,000.
What does it add? Hold on. It adds three mana of any single color of your choice to your mana pool, then is discarded.
Tapping this artifact can be played as an interrupt. It's a piece of cardboard.
This is just, this is like nerd porn. This is porn.
I know, but that thing right there. They read that and they're like, it's three mana.
If you get a high. Any single color of your choice in a mana pool.
I know. But if you get a high grade.
Yeah. It's 250 grand.
I just think like there's no way that's worth that. The market.
It is. It is.
Because I saw. How long can that last? I saw an antique roadshow.
Because let me tell you something. Baseball cards when we were kids.
They're going to be so much one day. They went down in value.
This is way higher. I saw an anti-road show, right? Yeah.
And this guy had this wife. Yeah.
She just went to the team. She's like, my fucking stupid husband, fucking nerd.
Over the years, he's been buying these magic. You know what I mean? It's like, I want to throw them away.
But what are they worth? And the dude, what do they call them? Nerds. No, but the guy that- Oh, dorks.
No, the guy that assesses- Wieners. That guy, right? Yeah.
She opens it up and you can just see cum- Forming on his thing. Forming on his thing.
Yeah. And he started doing, you know what I mean, a shake.
He's like, do you happen to have the original sleeves sleeves and that card was in the thing the black lotus the black lotus and all of the ones that are expensive and where's our husband was he dead no he was just at work probably she stole she stole it it's like ah she threw in the trash or bring it to the antique road show and then she left him she took the money she might have here she might have yeah but i can't believe how much. How about this? If any of our fans are into magic cards and you have a valued card, we'd love to talk to you.
Yeah. Look at that thing.
We'd love to talk to somebody that has- Look at how they curate it. They handle it with gloves.
Like it's fucking forensics. It is.
Yeah. That's forensic files.
Imagine this though. If he bends it a little bit, there goes 50 grand.
50 grand. That's when you take him down to mexico and you put him on a boat if i was a lab guy i would just go behind him and just go to rip it apart in front of him and run yeah and run if you guys are into magic the gathering anybody anybody has um 250 grand anybody has a really cool one that we can talk about we'd love to hear it.
And so if I had a time machine or I could go back in time.

Yeah.

I would just tell myself, because in the early 90s, I think these came out.

I would just be like, just buy.

Because a box was back then full of these cards.

Yeah.

Was probably like 60 bucks.

Right?

Yeah, maybe.

I would just buy, just go to every store and buy every single box. And put it in a fucking closet that's what you do with a time machine you go right back just for magic cards you would do anything else i would tell myself to buy certain things like certain stocks and stuff stocks i would do stocks yeah i would do magic cards as well what stock would you buy would you go back and tell yourself to buy probably apple no 100 yeah yeah way back in the day though i do facebook but then i also tell myself you got to sell it at some point too because zuck is going to lose his mind right zuck zuck's going to lose it youtube probably google google youtube all that stuff google is youtube now yeah with all and i would just put 100 grand 200 grand every dime i ever had and i would borrow it from friends and be like let me tell you something if it doesn't pay off you can physically kill me but how would you do that because you're a future you're from the future so i it like how old was i when apple stock was like at its prime probably 40 or 50 or something 45 no fuck you in my 20s right in your 20s right yeah so i go back in time i would have to have cash to give me i had no money back then right so how would you do it like you gotta buy the stock and i'd be like this is actually a great idea for a movie you go back in time to tell yourself kind of like how back to the future he goes back and tries to give him the sports almanac yeah yeah but like this you go back in time and you tell your loser self you're like hey man you gotta go get money to be able to buy these so the whole movie is about how do i get the money to be able to invest in i think so i can make money that's a really good idea so you have to teach your dumb self how to like rob banks and right right that's so funny that's so funny if you as an adult had to go back and teach your young self yeah how to get money enough to invest in stocks yeah write it up stressful would that be you know the knowledge you know if you could invest you could be a millionaire but you But you have to convince him.
Oh, God.

That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.

Write it up, Rudy.

Are you tired?

No.

Yeah, she is.

Let's go ahead and thank everybody and let's get out of here, Rude.

Yeah.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Great. Yeah.
Woo. Yeah.

Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.

Yeah.