Chilly Chill and Mr. Hollywood

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What's going on here? I can read things, man. What's going on here?

Well, what's happening is... We're not going to put this out.

Is Andres abandoned us,

so everybody needs to go to George underscore Kimmel

and follow me on Instagram

because Andres, he's a clout thief.

Everybody knows he's a clout thief.

That's my clout that he's taking. I've slaved away for six years to build up that clout thief.
Everybody knows he's a clout thief. That's my clout that he's taking.
I've slaved away for six years to build out that clout. I've slaved away for over nine years.
I've made you, bro. I've made you, bro.
I slaved away to help make online you. We helped each other, but I'm just saying, without me, there is no you.
Without me, there's 75% of you. Online.
That's fine. 75%? That doesn't hurt.
You think he's... You think...
You think 25% of you is because of him? Online you. Online you.
Not anything else. That's a quarter of your Dick Worth on the internet he thinks he built.
I found those fans. You're the one that told people not to follow him.
Is this his defense right now? Yeah, this is defense. Well, what do you want to do? You want to tell the fans to not follow him still? Well, I told the fans that we want to bring his fucking followers to 1,000.
How many are you at right now? I went up to like 17, 18. What's Fancy at? He's at 27 now, I think.
He does not deserve any of those. He deserves 2,000 followers.
He didn't even know what Instagram was. When Instagram came out, Andres thought it was a filter app.
He didn't even know other people could see the photos. You're never going to catch him.
He did not even know people could see the photos. And now he has more followers than me? I have to take a shit.
How does that happen? When you talk, I shit. When you talk, I shit.
When you talk, I shit. I have to take a shit because when you talk, I shit.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

What's that for?

My Tito Cheeto tour shirts.

God, you're just blowing up, huh?

The T-shirts I'm selling on sale, I'm just selling my image on the road.

No, but you're doing projects with other people. I'm not doing projects with anybody else.
You're doing Hollywood stuff. And you're leaving me in the dust, huh? You're going to Hawaii again.
You went to New York again. You keep going.
You're jet setting. I'm staying in LA.
Begging for work. Please.
Please. No, no, no.
Bro. Please.
You're currently on a show as a regular. It's over.
But are you not a regular on a show? Yeah, but who knows if it ever comes back? I'm not a regular on no show, dog. Who knows if it ever comes back? I do two lines here.
Oh, Mr. Mr., you want me to carry the laundry? No.
Yeah, yeah. Those are the kind of parts I get.
First of all, you want me to turn the light off? Is that what you do in Magnum PI? Yeah. Is that your role? Hello, Magnum.
I drive your car thanks a lot wang here's the keys and sometimes i i like hold on to the car and go like that what's the name of your character on the show ching chongs is it ching chongs plural oh oh two ching chongs there's multiple of you yeah i'm like five ching chongs in one it's like the olsen twins they had to get two just so one of you gets tired yeah the shit that i do when i was in hungary i lied when you were when you were in hungary shooting a massive kevin hart movie bro grow up i wasn't in the movie i lied i was eli roth's shoe shine boy were you shine him up boy like as he needs to wear every between every setup when he's setting up the camera he needs new shoes he? He recycles shoes and I'm scrubbing and he says, do the accent. I saw it in me, right? Rod, right? Do you really do that for you, Rod? Yeah, man.
You think I'm blowing up, dude? You're blowing up. I got nothing going on.
When I was in New York? What were you doing in New York, Bob? I'll tell you what I was doing. Yeah, let me know.
Streets. Cleanings.
Street cleaning? Yeah. With a machine or by yourself? By myself.
Just with your hands. The machines broke.
All the street cleaners, streetkeepers broke. Yeah.
And they go, use your face. Really? But I go, but I have, do the accent.
But I have, right? You have to do an accent yeah and then i they go um i have to start the

clean right use your fucking gook face oh my god they say that right so i'm like i'm like a rickshaw oh you rick they're pulling me like a rickshaw why do they say use your face is it because it's That's exactly because it's out.

So what I'm saying to you is that all these things that I've been doing are all lies. So you've been lying to me about all the work you've been getting.
Yeah, I apologize. It's so weird it came out this way.
Because it feels like it's definitely real. And you're doing Hollywood stuff.
I'm not doing Hollywood stuff. I'm not doing anything.
But the TV show is in its last and final week. You got another thing with another guy i do i'm developing a thing with another man a pretty big guy will you

ask him this too ask that guy yeah if he has a problem with me i'll text him right now because

yeah text him right now honestly well he's not gonna text back right now yeah yeah let's find

out yeah bobby thinks that you have a problem with him why do you why do you have an issue

because when he was a young kid this is 15 years ago ago. Wait, you know him from that many years ago? I know when he started, yeah.
He used to have the best parties of all time. Like house parties? What? House parties, you mean? Yeah, yeah.
Okay, I'm done. What? Did you do it? I sent it.
All right. People, by the way, always go, Tito's on his phone.
Only when he asked asked me so um you said these and and then we like every year or two twice a year i would go to his parties and i would do i'm the dancer well yeah at every party i'm the dancer yeah you know i mean i just get into you just have a stroke no no but i get my shoulders into it oh you're that kind of guy yeah you know i do the noise you? I do the noise. You know what I mean? And the music goes, right? And everyone, there's always a sea that parts.
There's a crowd. No, they part.
Oh, for you. Yeah, like a Moses.
Oh, wow. Right? And they, Moses, Moses.
Moses. Moses.
They don't do the accent. They don't do that? With that.
I don't know why. I figured they would.
They do the part. And I do the, you know, like back when they did Solid Gold Yeah You remember that? Yeah of course Back in dinner time Doing it right And I go down the fucking With the sea of people Do it again I turn around Do it again Why are you pinching your tits? What does that have to do with it? Why are you pinching your tits when you dance? I have fake breasts on when I do it Oh you, you have big fake tits when you dance? Yeah, because they think I'm a woman.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then, so he used to have these parties, and then when he blew up, it was just, I got nothing from him. Like he never texted you or called you again? Yeah.
That's just because people get busy. I know, do you think so? Well, also, okay, other than me, for real, who else do you actually text? Other than me, who do you really text with? Nikolilah doesn't count.
She doesn't count. George doesn't count.
Eric Griffin sometimes. Okay.
Well, let's look at my text now. Yeah, let's find out who else.
Your phone's up there by your squeezer. Who else do you text in real life? All right, so let's look at my phone now.
How about this? When was the last time you sent a genuine what's going on? Like, hey, what's up text? So this is Juliana. Oh, that's her.
Doesn't count. But I go, let's go.
Doesn't count. So my mom.
Doesn't count. Why? It's not like a friend.
It's like family or work people. My friend Gene.
My friend Janina. Who are those people? Janina was the actress I was in Hungary with.
I shined her shoes too. You shined her shoes.
Yeah. Who's Jean? Jean is a producer on Magnum PI.
Okay. Who's my friend.
Oh, right. Ari Shafir.
What did you say to him? He's just like, let's have lunch next time. Never going to happen.
Why? Because you don't like Jewish people. You've said that before on this show.
I like Jewish people when they look a certain way. If they look like Liam Neeson, I'm in.
But Ari Shafir, you don't like him. When they look like Ari? No, Ari looks like if you drew a cartoon of a Jewish person.
Like everything's exaggerated and long. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. know sorry yeah sorry i know i told you that's okay i don't care it's okay but um so yeah i text people what was the question oh yeah so so you don't text but you you never really send out a hey what's up how are you text you don't do that you never do and you complain when i text you unless well unless what unless it's like Unless it's like you're going to get something out of it.
Then you don't say anything. What do you mean get something out of it? You think I'm a weasel? You know exactly what, yeah.
You think I'm a weasel? You said on the episode last week you were a weasel or a rat or a what? What did you say? Yeah. Yeah.
Pauly Shore. I like you, Bobby.
Oh, God. Yeah, yeah.
So I have some friends. All right.
Anyway, let's get back to the matter at hand. We are excited to announce George has been shut down on Instagram.
He's plummeting to the bottom of the gramola. Look at this.
18,000 followers, boob. He was above 20.
Weren't you above 20, George? Dude, I know buzz about boys with more followers. 100%.
We do. What is it? How many were you at? at i was at 21 and now it's down to 18 um but i i mostly mad at andres for being such a clout thief but a little bit mad at bobby you think he's a clout bobby wait you're mad at me about what i gave you a job dog oh this is purely about instagram bobby yeah it's nothing i've slaved for those followers.
Yeah you know what it means a lot to him and you know it does i know it does it means it means something else because look he put his he put his baby up look at that stupid picture with his baby and and a tiger belly can i also tell you another thing that he does that i know for a fact salt mines of cloud i'm in the salt you're done talking now producer this is what he does and it's so gross give it so if we have a local show like if i'm playing the braille improv or irvine or like even if like annie letterman's doing braille or like whatever if there's an event right a stand-up event let me guess go ahead it's so gross go ahead he asks for does he ask for tickets for other people that you've never met before? No, it's worse. What? He goes and hangs out in the lobby to fish for recognition.
George. Ew.
Despicable. Ew.
Ew. Ew.
Ew. George, that's yucky.
Literally, I'm not kidding you. I've seen it do.
George, you wait in the hallway to try to see if fans are going to recognize you?

And they do, right?

Of course.

That feeling.

That feeds his ego.

It feeds his ego, and he's addicted to it, and he does selfies and whatnot, right?

George, do you do this?

Well, I get stuck in the lobby when people see me.

You get stuck in the lobby?

You come into the back of the green room with us.

What is the reason why you're even there?

There's no purpose.

We're not filming it. We're not recording it.
I just wanted to go, and then so many people came up to me to see me that I got stuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
George, you're allowed to be in the green room with us, and you know you can go to the back. He doesn't do that, though.
But you go to the lobby on purpose. Yeah.
Don't you? You know what he does, too? He'll be in the showroom and fake take photos or fake work. Oh, right.
Right? So that get on his knees and do a shot. Line up a shot.
Do you do this, George? People will go, hey, bro. They're always Hispanics at the shows.
Hey, PD! There he is right there. He feeds on it and he loves it.
It warms his soul. It's sad.
It is. George, what do you need in the world? You have got a beautiful wife, a wonderful baby.
Why do you need this attention, attraction from the pod fans? No, I'm just envisioning what it would be like to shoot something there. So sometimes I get lost in my own thoughts.
You're going to go back and shoot a sketch at the comedy club? George, can I ask you a real serious question? And let's be real for once. I know in podcasts we fuck around and this and that.
Yeah. And that's all for show.
I want to ask you a real legitimate question. And we'll edit it out if, you know what I mean? We're not going to.
It's too real. I know we're not.
Yeah. But be honest for once in your life.
And your life depends on it. Does it feel good

to get recognized from

people?

Oh yeah, I was recognized just at the

Panda Express the other day.

The guy even waited outside

the Panda Express to take a photo with me.

Do you swear to God? Yes. What did the guy say to you at the

Panda Express? He said he's been a

fan since

when Bobby was on JK News. Wow.
And he's been a fan uh since uh shoot since uh since when bobby was on jk news wow and he's followed the all the all of the podcasts but did he say he was a fan of yours he took a photo with me yeah because he can't get to the real thing it's one degree of separation right all right it's like when people take you know if you go to so he's gonna photoshop your head on George's body right look I met Bobby Bobby Kimmel at the or when people go to like Buckingham Palace they wanna take a photo with the queen but they can't but they can't so they take a photo with the soldier with the head you know what I mean that's what you are George the guy with the you're the guard puffy yeah by the way the next time you take photos you're gonna have to be our soldier guard you cannot smile and you cannot you cannot make any emotion just like the soldiers do you're not allowed to smile or talk you just stand there stoically fine uh but do i get to be in the photos yeah but you have to stand there absolutely that'll be the new thing i want to see fan photos with george stoically standing so this dude you know it's like and it's because at in reality You know, he would never get this kind of attention. Otherwise?

I'm going to say something very mean. Go for it.
No. I can tell you why.
I don't want to. Let's let it out.
I want to say it, but I feel like it's going to turn into a cancer. Let's let it out.
Let's let it out. Yeah, if you let it sit, it it gets worse The kind of attention that he's getting Would never be based on His skill set Yikes Did you feel that George? No because it's not real Oh he says no it's not real So you think That if you weren't the producer of Tiger Belly Or bad friends or any of these podcasts and stuff that you would be able to gain notoriety on your own skill set i'd be producing something else that was also great oh interesting and that's why i like it that's interesting hey can i say something george confident i was being mean right and jokingly mean but by you saying that right now, I believe you.
Do you believe him? I don't. I don't either.
I don't. I don't either.
I don't. I was just trying to boost the guy up.
He'd be working at CVS. The CVS.
I get it. And when I say working at CVS, not one of the good jobs.
I know what job he would have. He's night crew with the carpet cleaner.
No, even worse. Even worse.
He's the guy. You know how sometimes you go to the toothbrush section or you go to the aspirin section? Hit the button? Not the button, but you have to have the guy open up something.
Right, yeah. Right? So he's the guy with the key.
And he opens up. Here's your girl game, sir.
He's Key Boy. He's Key Boy.
Key Boy. You'll be the Key Boy at CVS.
Your new name is Key Boy, by the way, Key Kid. Yeah.
Although the CVS, I have to say. George, you are very skilled and talented.
We like you.

You're going to do perfectly fine in this career when we fire you in a week.

We should just fire him just to see how we land.

Yeah.

What do you think about George?

Rude, rude.

I'll be honest though, Rudy.

I like George.

But you don't like Pete or Andres?

George.

Whoa.

That says everything. I'm going to give you the order From number 1, 2, and 3

Okay

And you can't be even

You know it's not even

So let's go third

Third place is

The one that you like the least

And this is not because

No, I like him

But not as much as the

Alright, so let's go

Number 3

Who's 3?

Who's 3?

Pete Come on The bird Alright, Who's three? Who's three? Pete. Pete.
Come on. Pete.
All right, who's two? Who's two? George. George.
Be honest. Andreas.
Damn, you like George the best? What is it, though? It's because he panders and does whatever you say and he doesn't ever create any conflict? No, I think I've known him longer. She has loyalty about how long she's known people.
Yeah, but George is just a white piece of shit. Don't you like Andres? He's a foreigner.
He's like you. He's a foreigner just like you.
He's an immigrant like you. I was going to say equal, George.
No, you didn't. You went for George.
You went for a white. And look at him, by the way.
That's like Hitler's wet dream, this blonde, blue-eyed – I mean, this is the cause of all the issues in America is a guy like George. A white, privileged, upper-middle class, never picked up anything heavy in his life.
This is the problem in the United States, Rudy. And you like this guy? I'm going to say something.
If Hitler was – let's say, you know those hacky – He would have loved George. You know those hacky – You're a pretty great pretty great guy George I like so many things about you he would love George no you know those hacky scenes they have where you know it's always about a nerd and in school where they're picking a baseball team of course and they pick the last the nerd sometimes that's the guy 100% I think Hitler would pick him last you too yeah so like let's say there's a's say there's 100 people, right? Yeah.
Hitler's choosing, like, a kickball team? How about this? He needs 100 people, right? And there's 101 guys, you know what I mean, on the field. Oh, right.
He needs to choose. And it'll go down to, right, George and some guy, some scoliosis guy.
You know what I mean? He could barely stand up, right? Yeah. And he spends 20 minutes spends 20 minutes on it he's like listen both of you offer kind of the same thing a high level of unathletic ability that i just can't decide which of you is the worst i guess i'll go with scoliosis boy oh and he's like and he's like thanks hitler no no why then the scoliosis.
On the walk. Oh.
And then he's like, okay, yeah. No, no.
Hitler's like, I guess 99 is good for me. I don't need 100.
Yeah, yeah. It's funny.
George, you know what? We love you, George. We love you to death inside and out.
And you know what? Should we reverse this following because the fans are? No. No.
We got to get him down to 1,000. We got to follow this through.
We got to follow this through. So, guys, let's get George down to a thousand.
Please unfollow him

rapidly, rapidly, rapidly. In fact,

you know what? If you've liked any of his photos,

go ahead and unlike his photo, please.

Go ahead and click the heart and unlike

it. I'm gonna try something mean.
Turn it black.

I'll try something mean. Yeah, this is pretty mean.

George, George. Yeah?

We'll get you followers right now,

but what are you gonna do for us?

Oh my god. What do you mean, Bobby? I'm here now.
Fancy is not. Oh.
Oh, you're trying to say that. That's true.
And you know what? He has the ability to fire fancy behind our backs. He could.
He really could. Yeah.
Because he stomped in here with a little bit of confidence. George, can you show your camera down there that you're wearing a snakeskin cowboy boots? Do you see this? He's wearing snakeskin cowboy boots today.

Oh, yeah.

Is it real snakeskin?

It is?

Are you sure?

Is it real snakeskin, George?

It's alligator skin, yeah.

Alligator skin.

Oh, I thought you said snakeskin.

What country made the shoe?

I think they're made in Mexico.

The Philippines.

I think so.

Are there alligators in the Philippines, Jules?

Gotta be.

Yeah.

What do you mean?

Where?

They eat people all the time.

Where? I see them in the Philippines, Jules? Gotta be. Yeah.
What do you mean? They eat people all the time. Where?

I see them in the zoo.

You're going to go to college?

George.

Yeah.

Get into Google.

Okay.

I want you to Google how many people are killed by alligators in the Philippines a year.

I bet you it's going to surprise you.

Can I make a guess? Yeah, let's both guess.

Two.

A year. Seven a year.

Seven? Two. Two, seven.

How many people give alligators a year?

Does crocodiles count as well?

Yes. Okay.

Ten. Ten.

Two, seven, ten. At the zoo.

Some zookeeper? No, dude.

This is in the wild. There's alligators there.
Let's see. Let's see.
Crocodile attack. Look at that.
Brazen crocodile preys on a Philippine town. Yeah, but that doesn't necessarily mean anyone died.
Well, that was... It's not even Google-able.
Crocodillo. Crocodillo des in Philippines.
There it is. He's got it down.
Well. Well.
Oh, Philippine boy eaten by crocodile in latest attack. He's won.
I guess it doesn't happen that often. 12-year-old girl survives a crocodile attack in the Philippines.
She's alive. That's two in 2019 then.
Okay, two in 2019. Crocodile kills high school student in Palawan.
Is Palawan in the Philippines? Yeah. Okay, there's three.
2019. 2019.
So that's a different year, different year. No, these are all 2019.
No, they're not. Yes, George, are they all 2019? Yeah, all three of those were 2019.
Look at that. Crocodile eats a 10-year-old boy alive in front of his siblings.
2019. That's four so far.
Oh, shit. Go to page two.
This is good. This is good.
So you're already out, but Jules and I are still in. Yeah, I'm out.
Go to page two, baby boy. Crocodile died in the Philippines.
Huge saltwater croc. What? Kills fishermen in latest attack.
What year? 2019. That's four.
That's five. That's five.
Boy eaten by saltwater crocodile in latest Philippines attack. Six.
It's the same kid that you're fucking reading over. No.
No, it's not. Every article is different, but they're all the same.
Guy, I think there's only two so far. No, that's not true.
Yeah, they're the same kid. George, are you taking note of this, of how many people are dying by the hands of crocodiles? I lost count because it was so many.
All right, let's call it seven and I won. Very good.
Very good. Yeah.
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Either way, imagine getting your – they rip – you know, they – first of all, you know what they do, right? Yeah. They – are those alligators or crocodiles that spin you? They both do it.
So they spin you? Yeah. And then they rip your limbs off your body? But you know what you do when that happens? Give up? No, you spin with them.
Oh, you just – like you're dancing? Yeah, yeah. Like, what the problem is, is you go the opposite direction.
Oh. Right? So, like, if he's going counterclockwise.
Then you go clockwise. No, you go, no, you don't go clockwise because you get ripped.
You go with him. You go with him.
Oh, you go, okay. And you go, wee! You know what I mean? Wee! And eventually, about 20 or 30 spins.
He gives up. He gives up.
Yeah, that makes sense. Right.
And then what I'll do is I'll attach myself and go the other way sometimes. What if he just stops at some point? He's like, I just want to have sex.
And you're like, fine. Just ask.
Just get consent. And then he's like, where's your pussy? I'm a guy.
Oh, okay. Fine.
Fine. Who cares at this point? Yeah, they roll you around and they rip your limbs off.
When you see at the zoo a little kid fall into the cage. Love it.
Love it. I root for the animal.
Of course! I root for the animal every time. Every time.
And I want the mom to jump in there too. Two for one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when they shoot the animal, I always go, cheating! I always yell, cheating! You know what I mean? Wait, do the video, this is so mean, do raccoon in orangutan cage.
Did you see this video on the internet this week? No. Oh! Wait, wait, wait.
There's a raccoon that gets- Orangutan wins. Dude, it's like seven of them.
And they, it's mean, but it's hilarious. They grab by the tail and they whip it around.
Am I going to feel bad?

It's so funny.

I would feel so bad.

No, that's not the one.

It's very, it's got, it's brand new.

But he gets in there, this poor raccoon.

Yeah, yeah.

And you know, like orangutans, they're strong.

So strong, dude.

They grab by the tail and they're all like watching like, oh, they're all like laughing

and kind of, and the guy, he swings it in the air.

I swear to God, like a lasso.

Like a lasso.

Yeah, he lassoes it around and throws it. It's so awful.
But the raccoon, what are you doing in the cheat cage? And when he goes, ooh, ooh, he's really saying, hee-haw. Hee-haw.
Yeah. Yeah.
Orangatongs. You're not going to find it, man.
You're not going to find it, man. I was on the YouTubes.
You don't know how to do it. It's fine.
How was New York? Didn't you just get back? I went to New York and I shot, I'm on Sex in the city it's great yeah that's great and my you know what i'm playing um some not definitely not someone she has sex with i just a guess it's just a guess why do you say that do you have sex with someone on the show no it's a good guess i've never had sex with anyone on the show neither have i've never been in writing no no i when i was on splitting up together they've tried to write a love scene for you right well they did they had a scene with me and lindsey right on the bed and she said right and i got too close to her in the bed where we're just having a conversation and the director goes cut bobby a little bit more separation it's like oh okay and i went to the other side of the bed you know she called called him to her trailer before. She's like, about this love scene with Bobby, do you think we could, what if it's just like a buddy scene? Like we're friends.
But in Sex and the City, you don't have sex with anybody, do you? No. I mean, it's a good guess.
Yeah. Dude, they're not going to hire someone who looks like you or looks like me.
That's still me. Or looks like me.
I'm including myself. Yeah.
To be the hot guy that comes to have sex with someone in sex with someone sexy. That's not who we are.
We don't get hired for those. We're asexual? Yeah, fine.
We're not asexual. We're sexual beings.
Well, maybe we could be gay characters. Yeah.
We're definitely not going to be the guy that comes in the cameo, the hot guy cameo. You can't compete with those guys.
But you know who I love? Those guys are hot. I did a scene with, I did a commercial with Jane Lynch.
Yeah. Where we make out.
Yeah. And she went for it.
Yeah, because, yeah, she has no attraction to men. She doesn't, you mean.
Oh, is that what it is? Well, she's gay. She is? Poppy.
I didn't know. So I thought she was like, oh, she's into me.
No. Oh.
Good God, no. Maybe she thought I was a woman.
You do look a little feminine sometimes. She's like a butchiechy little dwarf if you pulled your hair back and wore a dress you could be a cute korean girl i look cute as a girl you do actually i've seen some photos you do so on on no but so what did you do i play um i play a podcaster oh right yeah you said that that's right yeah oh there you go with jane lynch yeah yeah no attraction She's not into that at all.
Oh, she's not? Look at this. Do a list of sexy guys on Sex and the City, or what would that be? List of hot guys on Sex and the City.
I mean, you look at the lineup that you have to go up against. It's insane, dude.
It's insane. Just do images, and let's see what comes up.
Oh, there you go. Sex and the City's 15 hottest guys.
Okay. You can't make this list, bud.
Here we go. I'm gonna.
You think one day you can make this list? 15, probably. There's no pictures.
Go back to images, maybe. Let's go to images.
I mean, look at some of these guys. Okay.
You can't compete with these bros. Wow, those are bad.
He looks sick. That's a bad compilation.
They all look sick. Yeah, he doesn't look great.
He looks hot. Cute.
You can't compete with these guys, bud. This guy? Look at that guy.
I don't even know who that is. Yeah.
That's Smith Jared. Oh, look at the fucking- Are you a Sex and the City fan? The president of Smith Jared fan club over here.
Love Sex and the City. You do love Sex and the City? Oh, I love it.
Do you know Pete's a big fan? Do you really, Pete? I really do. Oh, wow oh wow which character are you who uh pete you know all the girls that watch it they name themselves after one of the characters oh they do i'm probably uh an aiden i'm not i'm not a i'm not a girl so i'm going i'm an aiden pete the joke is everyone that watches the show identifies with one of the female characters on the show just because but i'm not i'm not a.
Oh, God. I see why you put him at three.
Now I see why she put you at three. I mean, the unwillingness to just go along with the fucking bit.
I'm Sarah. All right, bring up the girls because I want to see which is which because I'm not smart.
Oh, you think you're Sarah Jessica Parker? Or I'm Carrie Bradshaw. That's Sarah Jessica Parker, right? Yes.
so this guy thinks he went from being an ancillary character

being the star of the fucking show

how delusional must you be

Pete bring up the Sex and the City girls

and we'll see who each of us are in this room

do you know the Sex and the City of the show

which one are you

I don't know the names but

there they are

I can obviously only be the red

this is Miranda

this is Charlotte

Carrie and Samantha

Samantha's not on the show anymore

Now, let's go. There they are.
There they are. I can obviously only be the red.
This is Miranda. I'm Miranda for sure.
This is Charlotte. Charlotte.
Carrie and Samantha. Samantha's not on the show anymore.
What happened? I don't know. You do.
It seems like you know and you don't want to tell me. Because your face looks like you know.
Well, I... Because I told you the story of what happened between her and I.
No. I never told you that story? I don't think so.
What's the actress's name? Her name is... I'm just not good with this stuff.
I know. Let me get it.
What's her name? Pete? I don't know. Oh, you love the show? I just know the character.
I know the name. It's the top of my head.
Her name is... Oh, Rudy knows.
What's her name? Barbara Palvin. Barbara Palvin.
Barbara Palvin what's her name because I have a story about her what is Barbara Palvin's real name by the way I want to tell you something he's going to look it up the other day I was wearing my Bad Friend's Greatest Rock and Roll Band of All Time shirt and a dude goes I love that shirt I was like oh thanks and I'm thinking he's a fan of the show i go thanks a lot man and he goes who wait who what's wait what band and i was like oh he's not a fan and i was like it's a bad friend the bad friends band and he's like oh sick we're i thought it was another i thought it was something else i go yeah and he's looking at it and then he sees the the names and he goes blythe mulave who's that and i was like oh it's george trinidad they're all the members of the band and he's like oh that's that's cool so this guy's gonna be googling peter blythe blythe mulave george trinidad trying to find out who the band is but i realized i forgot the names are at the bottom that you made up because at first i'm like he can just tell this band. Yeah, yeah.
And then he's looking deep into it. Is that a Bad Friends shirt? It's a Whiskey Ginger shirt.
Oh, that's a really cool shirt. Thanks.
You can have it. Do you have a medium? Yeah, I'll take this off and give it to you before I go home.
I'm not going to wear that one. Wait, what do you mean? I'm clean.
I just showered. I can't do skin to skin.
Are you out of your mind? I won't do skin to skin. I just got out of the shower.
I will not do your skin to my skin. Why? Because I'm white? You're such a racist dude It's flaky If it was a Korean guy Would you do it? You have a dry flaky body And you have a shitty gross body too I'm moist Alright go ahead Kim Cattrall Give me your Kim Cattrall story I met his This is how I met Eric Stone Street I auditioned for a commercial It was a Pepsi commercial for the Super Bowl or something.
And Michael Bay directed it. So it went down to two people.
And Kim Cattrall was in the bathtub and they were looking for one towel boy. So we were downtown.
I didn't know who Eric Stone Street was. And we're sitting in the lobby and we're just sitting next to each other and they put eric in first and the key was crushing so i go i should just go home you were that discouraged because you could hear the laughs i hate when you can fucking hear the laughs i couldn't do it but then i went in there i there.
I did okay. I did good.
Then they go, all right, leave. But wait in the lobby.
We're going to bring the other guy back. They bring the other guy back.
To give him another shot? Yeah. Then they bring me back in.
Ask Eric. And then they brought us both in at the same time.
No. Yeah.
And they guys do it together and see what happens. And they were laughing because him and I were just kind of – so we both got it.
So I had never been really on a shoot before. So I didn't know what a mark was or anything like that.
So there was this scene where Kim Cattrall was in the bathtub and there was a mark and there was like one light shining toward the entrance when I was walking into this thing. And I had 15 towels that was stacked.
So the joke is I'm like, as a towel boy coming in with these towels right and i walk in and i hear cut the light the light to from michael bay holy shit and i go what light i don't know what that means you're blocking the light i know but i didn't know what it meant i know right so he goes see the light and i go yeah he goes you you have to feel that light on your face or we can't see you so i go okay i close the door i have this fucking towels too and i'm like trying to go maybe if i could like you know what i mean i just couldn't get the towel in and you know right so i go in stop stop stop stop stop the light i'm not kidding you he's even intense on pepsi commercials yeah that's insane the light the light the light i did it probably eight times did you ever did you get it right ever never so now what happens is he's now right here and he grabs my face i'm'm not kidding you. He goes like this.
Here! Here! He turns you into the light. Yeah.
Here! Meanwhile, Kim Couture's freezing. In the tub.
In the tub. She's like, you're freezing, right? And the whole shoot was like that.
Oh, what a miserable... And so she hates you.
She hated me. Yeah, because you're the guy that kept fucking it up.
Right. eric would nail everything you're right he seems very professional he knows everything yeah and he's super funny he's like improvising he's like twirling you know i mean the whole crew me they're like the light yeah cut why is your back turned to the camera yeah and over your shoulder where's the Over your shoulder.
And I go, where's the camera?

Right there.

Right.

You know what I mean?

That's what you did, but that's what happens.

So this is what happens.

So now me and Eric are talking and I'm like in complete shame.

Yeah.

Right.

Rightfully so.

I know.

You fucked up.

I know.

And then Eric's, oh, don't worry about it, buddy.

He's a nice guy, right?

Mm-hmm. And Kim Cattrall walks up to us.
Mm-hmm. And she looks at Eric in the eyes.
And she goes, honestly, you're going to be a very big star. To Eric? Yeah.
Wow. And you're right next to her.
Literally next to each other. And she looks at me and she goes, and she just walked away.
Fuck you. She really just kept walking? What a sweet, now I love i love this girl yeah so what is her name on the show kim kutcher i don't know her real name samantha i'm a samantha yeah that's me and so it's it was my bad 100 i know i was green i didn't know i shouldn't have been i shouldn't even been there no you definitely should have been there but that's what happens you get your lumps you do dumb shit you learn when I did when I did my episode of The Office they were done like they were so tired of doing you can tell they were all kind of like Krasinski was directing he was very nice and Josh Groban Josh Groban? Josh Groban love him Josh Groban the singer? Josh Groban Josh Groban I have a story about him I literally have a story about him he's in the episode oh really and him and he's kind of like improv-ing in the boat a little bit and i say to john i was like hey do you want me to like you know whatever the improv was i don't even know and he goes yeah that's fine and i was like oh i mean do you and he goes hey man whatever you want to do i i i don't care i was like oh all right all right so then i'm like i'm In my mind, I'm thinking, oh, I mean, do you? And he goes, hey, man, whatever you want to do, I don't care.
I was like, oh, all right. All right.
So then I'm thinking, in my mind, I'm thinking, he trusts my fucking instincts. But really, he doesn't give a shit.
Yeah. He's like, hurry up, dude.
We have other shit to do today. It's the 10th fucking season.
We're done. We're going to go home.
Wrap it up. Right.
So then I do the scene where I'm smacking Ed Helms on the hand. Yeah.
On the boat. And it was my first gig.
He goes, Krasinski's like, hey, man, similar to this. That's why I'm saying, we've all been here.
Yeah. He goes, hey, man, use your left hand.
Because your right hand is going to block that lens on the other side. Right.
And I go, you got it. Not hard at all.
Yeah. What do I do? What? I use the wrong hand.
He goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Dude, he goes, also, when you go to smack him, make it look like you're going to smack him.
Like, act like you're going to hit him. You know, like, he's like, you're like tapping.
Like, go to hit him. You know, I go, okay.
And he goes, also, other hand, right? So in my mind, I'm like, but don't hit him too hard. But I don't want to really hit Ed Hems on the hand that hard.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Again, wrong hand. Again, I'm blocking the lens.
He goes. And then he said, this is how I know.
He goes, hey, bud. Hey, bud.
Hey, bud. Same, wrong hand.
Remember that? And then now I feel like a child. Hey, bud.
Remember that? Like a little boy. Like a little tiny boy.
Hey, buddy. That's like when you say to your kid at the playground, hey, bud, don't eat the wood chips.
Leave it on the playground, right, bud? Oh, my God. So then I go, oh, I'm sorry.
I've got it. Nobody on the crew at this point you know sound guy's like let's go you fucking moron it's your left you know i can feel him being like left hand dude let's go it's not that hard and then of course on the third take same exact thing and i use the wrong hand and i miss his hand and i hit the wheel i miss his hand embarrassing yeah and now he and then he and ed goes let's go just go to the other piece and john goes yeah we'll go to the other piece moving on yeah so i had to get it they had to use it from the first take when i did the first time because i fucked up and i felt like such a like dude then the rest of the day yeah i sat on the i sat on the boat yeah this is me in between takes sitting on the boat everyone got off the boat yeah i just sat on the boat by myself in the marina yeah i was so embarrassed so embarrassing because i didn't when you're young you don't know any better yeah and you don't want to you don't want to upset people and when you've already made some mistakes yeah you feel dumb you really feel dumb and you're like well i'm not any good this is so fucking embarrassing and you and then you start going well this is going to get back to my agents and then they're going to be like you fucked up and you're dumb.
But then you learn as you get older, nobody fucking cares. Nobody cares.
Nobody cares. Everyone's making mistakes.
Nobody gives a shit. Nobody cares.
As long as you're nice, nobody fucking cares. But you think you're done.
Yeah. Yeah.
You imagine all these things. Well, that's it.
But it's also when you're doing these things, even if it's a big thing, even if you don't know your lines or you fuck up. Because I've seen the biggest people.
Me too. Not know their lines.
Yeah, fuck up. What is it? And then have to read it again.
And they get really crazy notes. I mean, it's just a part of the process.
Totally. Yeah.
I have a Josh Groban story. What happened? By the way, I barely got to meet him.
He was in and out. So I did break dancing movie called kicking it old school bring it up it's time to rewrite the vacation rules with Royal Caribbean your family can look forward to just about anything break the thrill barrier roaring down the tallest water slide in North America jump into breathtaking jungles and jaw dropping coves vibe off the charts on our private island perfect day at Coco Cay.
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Chips Registry Bahamas. Oh, I remember this.
Yeah. Was Jamie Kennedy in this? Yeah.
Wait, was it his movie? Yeah. So Jamie was in it.
He's kicking it old school. Yeah.
Jamie Kennedy. Yeah.
Iedy yeah wait was it was it his movie yeah so jamie was in a kick in at old school yeah jamie kennedy yeah i don't remember and it was that maria the poster look at the poster yeah it was a jamie movie i'm in i'm in the middle there look zoom in zoom in zoom in oh bye who are the other two right uh is that ralphie may no is that ralphie may and jb smooth i forget but um don't put me on the spot who's the girl maria menounos that's who i thought it said maria menounos so okay so there i am so chilly chill so when i was in canada right there he is i took like six months of dance dancing classes right and six months yeah so they're the the the dance teachers they go all right everyone do it you guys were training and when i did it they were like they pulled me aside and they said listen chilly chill we got we gotta we gotta do get you a body double because your dancing was so bad so bad so they i go oh Okay. Right i show up on set and they couldn't find a man with my body so if you look at the movie it's a woman it's a woman it's a korean woman it's a fat korean woman that's amazing right so if you if they cut away you know what i mean it's a it's a woman right do chili youtube chili chill dancing please Please, we have to see this.
I want to see you. They probably are not going to be online, but.
Chili Chill. I hope so.
Chili Chill dancing. Oh, there you are, Chili.
Yeah. Do you dance here? I don't remember.
I don't saw it. I'm sorry.
No, card is not there. I'm sorry.
I'll give you a belt. I'll give you a belt.
It's weird. All right.
Ancient crane technique. If too right, no can defend.
Aye. By the way, they have to do the, they have to do the they have to do that bing bong bong bong guys come on this is the first step on the road to becoming whatever the hell we want white guy Korean guy black guy super overweight Mexican guy yeah that's like this is like NBC's Yeah.
I want to see Chili Chill dance so bad. You got to know when you comment.
No, I don't, man. Come on, Chili.
It's red. Yeah, he's in red.
There's Chili. There he is.
What do you say, Chill? I don't know, man. Chili Chill.
Popcorn. The funniest thing is they assumed, because it's breakdancing,ancing right that of all these guys are like well the korean guy and the black guy got this down because they're like the black guys got it and they look at the korean guy and they're like come on man this is like this has got to be i don't want to watch this right now let's watch it i do want to see it chili chill let's go back to the let's hear your josh groban story chili chill but congratulate By the way, chilly chill? Yeah.
Very tight. Please don't I do want to see it.
Chilly Chill. Let's go back to the story.
Let's hear your Josh Groban story, Chilly Chill. But congratulations, by the way,

Chilly Chill?

Yeah. Very tight.
Please don't call me Chilly Chill,

man. What do you mean, Chilly? What are you talking about?

You're my Chilly Chill boy. Oh my god, I'm blushing.

Anyway. What's wrong with Chilly Chill?

Anyway. Alright, Chilly, tell us your

Josh Groban story. So Marina Munoz

is in the movie, so she invites me to her

Christmas party. I'm not being rude.
I'm looking up the box office mo for uh for kicking it old school i want to see how much money it made what do you think i don't know let's take a guess let's do our guess how much money do you think kicking it old school made in the and this is not a slight because jamie kennedy i'm not making fun of you or you or anybody he's a good million huh three million three million domestic worldwide what are we talking domestic okay domestic three million and international how much? $12 million. $12 million.
Huh? 3 million. 3 million domestic, worldwide? What are we talking? Domestic.
Okay, domestic, 3 million, and international, how much? 12 million. 12 million.
Yeah. All right, what do you say, Rude? Domestic, 1 million.
International. International, 5.
Oh, wow. All right.
Domestic is 4.5 million, so 4 million. International is blow your mind what ready yeah one hundred and eighty nine thousand dollars a hundred thousand dollars overseas that's like eight people went to go see it yeah cause when my when my dad when my dad was still alive rest in peace he went to the 8 o'clock showing with my mom opening weekend in Arizona.

My dad called me at 8 o'clock.

And this rings in my head when I go to bed.

He goes, there's nobody here.

That's so mean.

And he left.

There's nobody here.

They never played it. Oh, man.
They just just left they got their money refunded and they left did that hurt a little bit bad nobody because in my head i'm like because this is so embarrassing come on because when i was shooting this movie this is before this movie came out i was shooting, Were you on Mad at the time? Yeah, Pineapple Express. Oh.
So when I went to Pineapple Express, they were so busy one day that they didn't really have a trailer for me and I complained. I go, well, I'm in, kicking it old school.
Oh, Bob. They're like, listen, Chili Chill.
Yeah, they're Chili Chill. Just stay here for the day.
You're in Pineapple Express with like five huge names. Huge.
and you're like listen Chili Chill Just stay here for the day You're in Pineapple Express with like five huge names Huge James Frank everyone right I'm so embarrassed Anyway I don't know why we took this detour Let me hear Josh Groban This whole show should be called Detour I know What happened with Josh Groban I know what music is. I don't know anything.
The only kind of music I like is Fugazi and punk and whatever. I love Fugazi.
So I was at, I don't know who John Mayer, I know who John Mayer is. I know John Mayer, but I'm not really familiar with the music.
Sure. Okay.
So I'm at a party. No one will talk to me.
Everyone's there. And I'm sitting there on a bench.
And and there's this guy there drinking drink he goes hey you're a comedian right yeah yeah yeah yeah he's like what's that like and i go because at the time i was playing clubs but like sack punchline what's wrong with that but it feels fine. Yeah.
But I was bragging. Oh, you thought you were hot shit.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
So I was going, yeah, like last Saturday I sold out the Sacramento punchline, 200 seats. That's pretty cool though.
Right. But I kept bragging.
Yeah, it's like tour money. It's like I'm pretty killing it.
I do like 150, 200 people a show. You know what I mean? I have to comp half the room, but still cool.
Still cool. Yeah, I'm killing it.
You know what I mean? Chilly chill. And I talked for like 20 minutes without even letting him say a word.
Josh Groban. Just stepping on his toes.
I go, what's your name? He goes, I'm Josh Groban. And I go, bye.
That's it? You just, that was it? You were done? Yeah, just walked away. Because you didn't realize.
And I think I got in the car and drove home. Because you were like, I don't know who that is.
I don't really care. And I knew who the name.
You just didn't know anything about him, though. Yeah, but I knew that he was a big star at the time.
Big star. Like, he was doing stadiums and shit.
Yeah, but your 200 seats are cool to you. I know.
That's cool to you. But there's so many moments in my past where I wish I could take back, like social moments or situations.
No, because those make you what you are. I know, but it's like there's so many of them in my life.
Yeah. I'm still like, when I was in Hungary, I was at a fucking burrito place.
It was a place called Chimichanga. They have burritos in Hungary? Yeah, I know.
It's terrible. Yeah.
And these two girls walk up to me and to me and they go at all and i go hey and this guy in back of me goes not you me oh right and i they walk by and i'm still oh you know i mean i still have those moments when you turn and engage and go no you say hi to me i'm bobby lee i'm chilly chill and i start sweating and i go why did you do that if there's just so many instances in my life. Does that happen to you? Do you get embarrassed like that, Rude? Yeah.
All the time? Yeah. Recently? Recently? No, not me.
Who are you texting, by the way? Diego? Are you playing with tape? That's how we keep her entertained. Yeah, she doesn't.
Let me ask you. No, honestly.
What the fuck? It is funny. I'm listening.
But you are a fixture of the show. You can add whenever you want.
Pull the mic towards your goddamn face. Here's what we'll do to get her to get into the...
Episode? Not episode, but to know, to become a better podcaster is to add her own information. She doesn't know how to do that.
I know, but we'll, so what we'll do is every episode, there has to be three incidences throughout the episode where he, she has to just bring up a topic or ask a question or something yeah and be involved be involved it's like anything

it could be anything hey do you guys see the olympic or whatever it might be right but it's got to be something out of the blue and it's got to be something that like um don't laugh a topic that you want to talk about this is real we might have to fire you speaking of bands yeah josh groban and such. Rudy wants to show us that she's, uh to show us that she knows her knowledge about bands as well.
So we're going to go through your favorite band, One Direction. Right, Rudy? Yes.
All right, let's hear it. Okay.
Hello, everyone. Hi.
I'm going to be presenting. To just who you are.
are Yeah we don't know who the fuck you are

We walk into this

How about this?

Ladies and gentlemen

To do her first TED talk

I mean we have from

From Northridge University

From the Philippines

From the Philippines

Yeah

Juliana Kuhn

A.K.A. Rudy

Then you come up on stage

Hello

Hello

I'm gonna be presenting

Thank you. Juliana Kuhn, a.k.a.
Rudy. Then you come up on stage.
Hello. Hello.
I'm going to be presenting about One Direction, my favorite boy band. Great.
I hope you like it. Your name? I'm Juliana Kuhn.
Wow. I do like that.
When she does that on stage, imagine a thousand people are watching. She goes,'m Julia and everyone's like oh fuck I would go like this I'd go I love this this energy is real alright let's hear it okay okay so the members of One Direction is Harry Styles Zayn Malik Liam, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and Louis Tomlinson.
Do you want me to show which is Harry Styles? I know which one Harry Styles is. I know which one Harry Styles is.
It's the bottom right. Okay.
Who is Zayn Malik? Bottom left. Oh, who is Liam Payne? Left.
No, no, top right. Who is is niall horan and the top left with the blonde hair louis thomlinson is in the middle that's right okay do you know that to be true yeah oh that's right you're right sorry what kind of ted talk is this are you gonna ask her what she asked me I just responded.
I think you should do all this

without any of this on screen.

Yeah, take this off the screen.

I feel like you're reading it.

Because you're cheating.

You're cheating, I feel like.

Go ahead.

But then there's no pictures of them.

We'll put up a photo.

How many albums have they sold?

They have sold...

sold...

four.

Four albums. Four or five, yeah.
You mean they've made four how many have they sold I don't know five five five albums got it the biggest boy band in the world yeah yeah I will tell you the names yeah of what of the albums yeah okay okay. Up All Night.
One of my favorites. Four.
Four. The number? Yeah, four.
Oh, okay. Four is one of their albums? Yeah.
They were lazy that day. Yeah.
Coming up with that. No, because it was their fourth album, so it was four.
I know, but what do we call it? I don't know. It's our fourth album.
Let's just say four. Fuck it.
Fine. Made in the AM.
Made in the morning. In the morning.
AM is the morning. You know that, right? I know.
What does it stand for? I don't know. Okay.
What does it stand for? Anatomically motorized. In the morning, the sun is anatomically motorized.
Did you know that, Tito Bobby? Yes. Of course he did.
In the evening, the sun- Premomically motorized. Did you know that, Tito Bobby?

Yes.

Of course he did.

In the evening, the sun-

Prematurely motorized.

Is prematurely motorized.

It's been prematurely motorized.

Okay, let me finish.

Please wrap it up.

We want to know what-

I know, but it's like-

I say wrap it up.

You're missing out on the-

No, I don't say wrap it up.

Because I don't even know if she knows anything about the band.

I'm feeling like a little bit like I'm-

Let me finish.

All right.

All right.

Okay, so I'm a fan, and so you also need to be a fan of the One Dire in. Let me finish.
All right. All right.
Okay, so I'm a fan.

And so you also need to be a fan of the One Direction.

Why?

We want to be.

Why?

Because I love them.

But what is it about them?

Where are they from?

They're from England.

How do they meet?

They're British.

How do they meet?

They were from X Factor.

And even though they didn't win, Simon Cowell made them into a band. What are their favorite foods? Louie likes carrots.
That makes sense. No, I'll give you some facts about them.
Sure. Louie likes carrots and he likes girls who eat carrots.
Liam is scared of spoon. Of the band Spoon? Oh no, Spoons? Spoons.
Harry Why? I don't know. Something happened to him.
I gotta tell you. I get it.
The shape is weird. It's a weird shape.
Yeah, what is that? It's just a tiny ladle. Give me a big one.

I don't like little baby ladles.

Give me a fucking, give me a big ladle. You don't, no one's scared of a spoon.

Are you serious?

I fucking dead serious.

That's a real phobia.

Google it right now.

People are scared of spoons.

I bet you my life people are scared of spoons.

No, no, finish the fucking presentation.

Phobia.

Why are we Googling everything?

Phobia of spoons. Are people scared of spoons no don't finish the fucking presentation phobia are we googling everything phobia of spoons are people scared of spoons let's find out i don't know what people

are doing their spoons i don't want to know but liam isn't the only one with a spoon problem

it turns out there actually is a name for his phobia zoom in it's say it out loud rudy

which liam is well aware of defining the extreme and often irrational fear of spoons

Let's go. Zoom in.
It's, say it out loud, Rudy. Coatelophobia.
Which Liam is well aware of defining the extreme and often irrational fear of spoons. Okay.
You'll find that for any eating utensil. Fear of forks.
Fear of forks. Are people scared of forks? No, that's, no.
Yeah, right there. What is that? Amrogophobia is the fear of silver things.
Especially silverware. Oh, so that's no yeah right there what is that agri- amyagophobia is the fear of silver things especially silverware oh so that's so it's a whole all the silverware yeah agri-ophobia agri-ophobia like being pork by a pork by a fork that does scare me a little bit yeah yeah because i get so when someone's eating aggressively in a restaurant, I think they could just throw a fork at you.

I'm just saying there's a fear of everything.

There's a fear of,

people are fearful of guacamole.

People are fearful of like roosters.

What's yours?

What's your irrational fear?

I don't really have one.

You don't have any irrational fears?

Avocado anxiety,

first world problem.

Yeah.

That's gotta be a white guy thing.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I don't have any fears. You don't have any irrational fears do you i'm scared i'm i'm not i'm scared of i guess i just don't drowning it scares the shit out of me oh yeah i'm scared of being buried alive right yeah but that's everybody no really.
Really, imagine being buried alive, all right?

You're getting knocked out.

You wake up, and you're now in a casket.

That's fun.

Eight feet underground.

Six, isn't it?

But mine's eight.

Oh, yours is two feet lower?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the first thing you would do is you can't see.

Well, you can.

How?

Your eyes would adjust at some point, right? There's no light at all, though. You would never adjust your eyes.
Your eyes would never adjust. There's no light.
What about your cell phone in your pocket? You don't have... You wake up in a casket.
Are you okay? Fine. You wake up in a casket completely naked with nothing.
They don't bury you naked. Yes, they do.
Do they? Yeah. No, you have clothes on when they bury you.
No, it depends on where you are. El Salvador? No, probably not.
Okay, El Salvador naked. All right.
I make it. So now you wake up, right? You're in a casket.
You're completely naked, right? There's no light. So what would it be? The first thing is like, where am I? So you would use the other senses, which is your hands first.
You would feel, and you would feel the wooden box. And you go, holy shit.
I think I'm in a a casket I'm in a casket right and then is it a nice one no it's not even it's one of those makeshift ones it's not padded it's not padded it's just wood it's like bad wood what's bad wood you can get splinters ow yeah yeah where am I ow ow fuck? Right. That would hurt.
And then the oxygen is slowly running out in that little thing.

And then you would probably go, hello?

Quietly?

Hello?

I think you would.

Hello?

Hello?

And then you go, anybody?

But I bet you because of all the dirt, it's so muffled.

Only you can hear it. That you realize, like, oh that you could you realize like oh shit I'm buried alive I'm buried alive what do you do then you try to claw out well then you're gonna let the dirt in it doesn't matter I mean you would have to figure something out you would do what Uma Thurman did you know what I mean Uma Thurman did fucking kill Bill you know what I mean and do karate you know what I mean you would do something and then you're dead and then you're dead yeah so would you rather just would you rather how about this would you rather just die of being buried alive and being in the casket or would you rather try to get out and die that way i if if there was a yeah right there.
Right there. But she had a light in this.

Right.

Right?

So it's like...

Because they're not going to do a scene

in pitch black.

Kind of tough to shoot.

Hard to shoot.

But wait a minute.

Seriously, Rudy,

would you just sit there

until you die

or would you try to get out

and die that way?

You're going to die either way.

I think I'll sleep

and just wait until I die.

Yeah, you guys are big sleepers.

That would be easy for you to just sleep and die.

Yeah, I think I would go like, all right, don't panic.

You're going to die anyway, right?

And just stay still.

Because who knows?

Maybe in eight hours.

Someone might get you.

Someone might get me.

You could last more than eight.

Oh, you think the air is just going to run out?

I think the air is going to run out.

See, I'd rather just sit.

I wouldn't want to break the box and let the dirt in.

I'd rather just let the air run out.

Because when you run out of action, you probably just get dizzy and go to bed. Okay, would you rather have that or this? This is what my dad said.
They did, the Japanese did to the Koreans during their occupation. Yeah.
So they would go to a village and I guess they had these gigantic pots of boiling water. How are they carrying around boiling pots of water? They would get a big pot of boiling water.
I don't know how. Maybe people just had them around in a village.
Just boiling pots of water all over the place. Got it.
I'm just trying to understand the logistics of it. Yeah, but also it's like you're not from the culture you don't know are there a lot of gigantic boiling pots of water in the philippines just hanging around no i don't yeah okay so in korea there are fine fine fine so let's just suppose in your little pea brain right your little pea brain there was a big pot of your dad is making this up okay you know what my dad's dead and that's did he die? A couple years ago.
You know he did. We did a song.
Seriously? Daddy, while you die, you remember the song? That was for your dad? Yes, it wasn't for anything else. Oh, okay.
So anyway, a pot of boiling water, and he goes, they used to. He probably did make it up.
Now you're realizing it's insane. Now when he's saying it, as my dad, it seems like he's saying it.

Bobby, let me tell you a bedtime story.

You're like six.

Okay, dad.

You know what I mean?

Back in the day when the Japanese.

So they used to boil in water.

They used to tie Koreans by their, what do you call it?

Here.

Feet.

Ankles.

No, ankle.

Right.

How does he say ankle?

Uncle. Uncle, right.
And they go go upside they hang outside from a tree so they would hang Koreans upside down no way from a tree and dip them in the boiling water and they would dip the fucking body in the boiling water and every time the body would come out it would be losing a layer of skin oh my god right and they would dip it 10 times until they're dead. But apparently it was like the most painful thing.
Did he see this? No. Will you Google dipping Koreans? There is no dipping Koreans.
What do you mean? Dipping Koreans in boiling water. All right, there you go.
Dipping Koreans in boiling water. The dipping Koreans sounds like a baseball team.
Five to four out here, in koreans before you do that let me just go to the back to my question by boiling there it is death by boiling bro that's so awful see death by boiling boiling liquid is there a reference to it for in the during the occupation historical practice in europe no asia for sure yeah look at that Look at the size of that big pot. Fuck it, I told you!

I fucking told you!

Yeah, but they wouldn't go town to town.

They brought you to the pot.

They had to bring you to the pot.

Yeah, look at that pot.

Bandit Ishigawa Goemon was boiled to death

for the attempted assassination of warlord

Toyota Hideyoshi.

Anyway, so I'll give you three options.

So, buried alive, dipped by three options. So buried alive,

dipped by boiling water,

right? Or

do you see Game of Thrones where they

I think it was Game of Thrones where they put the bucket on

the stomach. No.
So they

put a bucket, right,

tied to somebody's stomach,

but in the bucket

is like eight rats. Oh, and they're

gonna chew. So they burn this end so that the rats would burrow through the human body to escape what do you say rudy so you have those three options that die which one so buried alive uh boiling or death by rat chewing through your abdomen buried alive buried alive what do you say rat rat you want to feel it huh i don't want to feel it you're gonna feel it the claustustrophobia is that how you say it claustrophobia of the fucking buried alive I wouldn't be able to do psychologically you're okay with it's a slow death but now you feel the rats eating away at your body that's slow too but I always feel like somehow I could survive it if they bury around like if they avoid the organs i think they were smart rats

right that's not that's the heart go around it right right that's the liver you know i mean they just went through non so they just then they make a home inside of you or they or they just bury burrow right through you to your butthole not to my butthole through my back they go around the spine they don't fuck with any of the vital organs they hit nothing no they hit nothing they're smart rats okay right and then come on guys and also he's not gonna die either so we did two good things so they we're both alive well i guess that's the right way to do it right and then then i would probably i'd probably hold both with my back like this like this and tell the my torture that was a good one oh you would say that's a good one yeah but now he's gonna go now get in the casket so now you're gonna bury it alive and we're gonna dip the casket in boiling water yeah by the way yeah which one would you do i think i would do the casket for sure because i think you run out of oxygen you otherwise the boiling i couldn't do boiling it would suck but the only way what but every time you come up because they dip you and and they bring they bring you up, it would only be fun if you could, not fun, but every time you came up, you made a joke. Oh, right.
So, right. I tell you.
If they dip, yeah. I pull you up.
Dip you down. And I go, that's not that warm.
It's not that hot at all. And then dip you back down.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You go, well, let me take another look.
I think it's down there somewhere. You know what I mean? All right.
Are there supposed to there supposed to be apples in here or what i thought i'm bobbing if you do a hacky throwaway joke right then it's then at least at least the guy lowering you was just like it's the best spot i've ever been to right right well oh this is a this is kind of a weird spot what do you think and then they dip you back in yeah the rope guy might go it's pretty funny yeah they might let you know but then but imagine this though every, though. Every time you get popped up, a layer of something is gone.
Yeah, so now you're a skeleton. What a weird spot.
Jaws falling. This is terrible.
Terrible. It's so terrible we're even talking about this.
How did we get here again? We're talking about it in present day. How did we get to this, though? George.
That back to George. Unfollow him.
It's unfollow George. Unfollow him.
No, no unfollow george no no hey hey hey hey no hey um you must unfollow him um yeah so um by the way so but but my dad was right though yeah it's a real thing okay good but your dad did make up a lot of stuff because he was kind of a crazy drunk so who knows yeah you know sometimes people make up shit and it turns out to be true you've done that before where you guess and it's right what do you mean yeah where someone's like what year did that happen you're like i think probably the 50s and you look it up and it was and you and you yourself go oh yeah yeah i didn't i do that all the time where i'm like i think and then what year was what in what place was this invented you go albuquerque new mexico and they go yeah yeah it was do you And you're like, of course I did. Yeah, and you have to back that up.
No, you have to go through. Of course I knew.
Okay, now add information. Give us a different question.
Steer the. Oh, yeah.
We have to keep funneling her. You know, we'll do a thing.
I'll go like, I'll raise this. Every time I raise this, you have to come up with a different thread of questioning.
Any topic? 78 weeks we've been doing this show. 78, dude.
Honestly, 78. It's hard.
No shit. Be in our shoes.
Let's just talk about something else. Yeah.
Right? And then I will lift this. I really want this to work because I think this is going to help her.
Well, because truth be told, I don't know why we have her on the show sometimes. People love her so much.
is just sitting there not contributing not wanting to be a pay attention not adding anything oh you just hear what she says when i say we have to get in the car to come here so bummed yeah jules get ready why we have to do that you don't have to you know what i don't do that let's why don't we just not have her on the show anymore do you you want to take a break for a year?

She does.

You want to take a break? No!

You like it? It's okay.

No, she doesn't like it. It's okay.

What is it? How can we make this better for you, Jules? Where's

Diego, by the way? Did he hit you up?

Are you done with him?

Yeah. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.

Did he see the episode? Yeah. A lot a lot of people are like asking him to follow oh because he's private do we give away his Instagram no but I follow him oh and they just look up you yeah let's just talk about something else no it's fine have you been watching the Olympics it's way over by now yeah but Yeah, but wasn't the Olympics amazing? Yeah, it was great.
Yeah, yeah. We did the Olympics last episode.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you seen Outer Banks on Netflix? No.
No, what is it? What is it? It's a teen movie. Yeah, me and Bobby love teen movies.
Yeah, we loved it. What is it what is it it's a teen movie yeah me and bobby love teen movies yeah we loved what is it about these teens like go on a quest and go find like treasures look at what these kids look like these days oh my god where are the ugly kids remember how ugly you were as a teenager i know i was so fucking i was so jealous of these kids too i hated these hated them hated them yeah yeah they had nice skin good teeth yeah i had pockmark pimple face bulging teeth big huge fucking my grandfather used to say because my hair is so uh orange and my ears were so big he's like you look like a taxi coming down the street with the doors open yeah my fucking family so yeah you look like a taxi coming down the street with its doors open yeah yeah and i was so skinny and i had fucking big feet i have 12 and a half now when i was like in high school i had 10 and a half or 11s my grandfather goes jesus christ look at those fucking things and i go oh yeah i got big feet he goes you can water ski just without you water ski without skis and i was like yeah yeah what my dad dad once said, you know, I walked into the room, right, in his bedroom.

He goes, you look like you did a hundred yard dash in a 90 yard gym.

That's so good.

That is so funny.

You know what I mean?

My dad's face was that flat.

Your dad is very funny.

I'll bring him back.

But these, so one time in La Jolla, you know, do you ever see, what's that one with Fred Savage? Wonder Years? Wonder Years. Winnie.
So I guess her grandmother. I used to have such a big crush on Winnie Cooper.
Right, lived in. I auditioned for Mad TV with her.
Look at her. But her grandmother or something, I was walking by, I was a kid in high school.
I was walking by her grandmother's house and my friend goes oh you know that girl from Wonder Years her grandmother lives there and I took an I don't know why I had an avocado but I threw it at the house why would you do that because I just didn't like you know what I mean you didn't like Winnie Cooper's grandmother I just didn't like you know what I mean anyone that was doing well oh right I get that how old were you fuck you 16 cool yeah yeah there's Winnie Cooper's grandmother? I just didn't like, you know what I mean? Anyone that was doing well. Oh, right.
I get that.

How old were you?

Fuck you.

16.

Cool.

Yeah, yeah.

There's Winnie Cooper there.

Yeah.

She's very pretty.

She's still pretty.

She was so cute as a kid.

She's so nice.

The side bob.

The side ponytail.

Yeah.

Well, Luke did that picture of her.

Is that Dancing with the Stars?

That's got to be, right?

Up, up, up to the right. Yeah, that's got to be Dancing with the Stars, isn't it? Yeah, of course it is.
Would you ever do that show? Huh? Dances with the Stars. I would do Dances with Wolves.
If they bring that. If they make Dances with Wolves a TV show where you actually have to train and dance with wolves, I would do that.
I would 100% do that. Yeah, but what? Welcome back.
I'm Tom Ber to dances with wolves who's gonna die this week on dances with wolves yeah yeah people just getting mangled and shit d-list celebrities getting their fucking heads ripped off by wolves that kind of show i'm into right i would never do some shit like this why and i don't i'm not shitting on the people that have done it why would i do that why would andrew san's i feel like you can dance i can dance but why would i do i think that if you trained with a real guy and i think because of that's the fear is i fall in love with my guy no but mid-america would love it mid-america will love you if you regardless no because i i get this sometimes now because because you're a leftist cuck because you're a leftist cuck? Because you're a left coast cuck? What do you get sometimes? What do you get? No, come on. Finish the statement.
What do you get? I'm just teasing you. No, I know.
It's fine. Well, I'll get recognized for things that normally...
When I was doing the thing, I was like, what am I doing this for?ica loves it but like you know you'll get like people that you normally wouldn't you mean like you or know about you come up to you and go like black people what do you say no no like midwestern people like i've had old men come up to me or women and go a young man i i loved you on that magnum pi of course yeah what i'm saying is that if I didn't do that show, I wouldn't ever, these people would never know about me. Well, I know it's great.
Because a certain kind of person watches a show like that. Same with Dances with the Stars.
What does that mean? What kind of person? Just people with regular lives. Huh.
What do you think? You think I'm getting at something? That just sounds a little pretentious. No, I'm not.

I'm not.

That sounds a little pretentious.

No.

You mean regular Americans?

Good old fashioned Americans?

I love Midwestern American Americans.

Me?

I'm a Midwestern American.

No, you're not.

I'm from fucking Chicago.

I couldn't be more Midwest.

No.

What am I?

You're Hollywood.

Fuck you.

I'm not Hollywood. Bro, I grew up in the suburbs with regular Christians and everything too I grew up with Christians too but I know but at some point right you and I chose look at your fucking if I look at your phone Blake Griffin oh there's so many fucking celebrities on your phone because that's for work no it's not you live everyone listening, this piece of shit is the most Hollywood scumbag I've ever fucking seen.
Which one of us lives in the Hollywood Hills? Which one of us lives in the Hollywood Hills? I don't live in the Hollywood Hills. None of us do because I don't live in the Hollywood Hills.
Okay, you live in the Hills. I live on a hill.
I live in the flats. What does that make? I live in the flats.
You do live in the flats. I live in the flats.
But in a nice compound.

In a flat.

Your house... You're not even in a house.

You're on a compound.

You guys live in the hills.

Who's more Hollywood?

Him or me?

Both of you.

Jules, you're fucking fired.

Lift up the fucking...

I have a question.

Thank God.

Okay, go ahead.

Where's the Hollywood Hills?

Throw that thing at her.

You've never been to the Hollywood Hills? No. Have you ever seen the Hollywood sign? Yeah.
Yeah. That's where the hills are.
Look at that. That's the Hollywood Hills right there in the mountain.
You've been over Laurel Canyon, right? Yeah. That's the Hollywood Hills.
That's the Hollywood Hills. Those are what the houses look like.
Yeah. And producers, mostly producers.
Yeah. Mostly people that don't actually act or perform.
We're sandwiched between two producers. Yeah, the guys that move money around the most.
That's who lives in all of these. Yeah.
That's a nice house. People that are able to just know people, and that's how they make a ton of money.
Meanwhile, we break our backs, and then one day they don't want you anymore. But those get to keep living up there and we don't the Hollywood Hills is for uber rich like that house has got to be 15-20 million dollars yeah Sebastian money that's the I mean what was his house they said 26 million is that his house no Sebastian Monoscow's house was at least 20 million.
A good family friend of mine just broke. It's public knowledge, so I can say it.
Yeah. They broke the real estate record of price per square foot in Malibu.
Make no mistake. This is not me.
Nobody, this is not my money. How much? They bought, it's not even the number.
It's the price per square foot. What? 11.8, they bought Pamela Anderson.
Look up Pamela Anderson's house. It'll show you.
It'll be top story. 11.8 million dollars.
Yeah. And it's about the size of, it's a little bit bigger.
Look at that. Look at the house.
11.8 million for that little bungalow. Yeah.
It's only 2,600 square feet. Oh my God.
2,600 square feet. Do you know how small that is? Yeah.
Look at this. 11.8 million.
Okay. Yeah house though that's four forty five hundred dollars per square foot four thousand dollars per square foot oh my god what's the average square footage in america google that average square footage in america it's a beautiful home it's beautiful beautiful average average price per square foot in america this is look at that broke a record in Los Angeles real estate it's insane the average is $122 divided by 122 that's 37 times the national average is what this person paid for 37 fucking times that's insane they're rich But it's Malibu? Mel Gibson lives there? I mean, I think his neighbor, I think their neighbor is Harrison Ford or something like that.
Yeah. Does that matter to you? Hey, Harrison.
See, who's Hollywood? Nice. This worked.
See, you love it. I say it's ridiculous and you go, it makes sense.
It's either Harrison or when I lived on Beachwood, what the lady next door did to me.

The one that ate poop?

The one that yelled at me before not picking up dog poop?

Right.

And they put flyers all over the town?

Yeah.

I either get Harrison or that.

I pick Harrison every time.

There's a middle ground. If that makes me fucking Hollywood.

You are?

No.

You are Hollywood.

George, it's Bobby Hollywood.

Oh, yeah.

Who's more Hollywood, George?

Can't Pete interact a little more? Fine, Pete. Yeah, Pete.
Who's more Hollywood? George, George, it's Bobby Hollywood. Oh yeah, who's more Hollywood, George? Can't Pete, uh, interact a little more? Fine, Pete, Pete, who's more Hollywood? Um, can I tell you something, Pete, real fast before you answer? Sure.
You're on the chalk and glock. You're on the chalk and glock.
You're on the chalk and glock. You're on chalk and glock.
Juliana, you're on chalk and glock. I mean, everybody in there is on the chalk and glock.
All right? So let me tell you something. You're on the chalk and glolock.
Juliana, you're on Chalk and Glock. Everybody in there is on the Chalk and Glock.
So let me tell you something. You're on the Chalk and Glock.
Yeah, yeah. Just know that.
All of you. George included.
You're on the Chalk and Glock as well. Yeah.
Big Chalk and Glock. Why does that sound racist? Chalk and Glock.
You know you. That motherfucker is a Chalk and Glock.
You know him. You're on the Chalk and Glock right now.
That's our next podcast name. The Chalk and Glock? The Chalk and Glock.
Peteete well who's more hollywood um damn it pipe up kid let's go have a stance andrew whoa bitch do you know why he said that because he because because he knows because he knows the truth no honestly no because because pete literally because pete works with me I drive Damaged Prius

You drive fancy cars

Hollywood

That's because you're lazy

I like nice cars

I walk into your house

It's like a showroom in there

It's like a fucking animal farm

My house is a showroom

Because we have to rent it out

Everything about you

It's fucking Hollywood dude

Nothing is Hollywood about me

You hang out with Hollywood folks

So, My house is a showroom because we have to rent it out. Everything about you.
We can't afford to live in it. We're Airbnb-ing it while we're in it.
It's fucking Hollywood, dude. Nothing is Hollywood about me.
Yeah, you hang out with Hollywood folks. I do not.
You don't hang out with anybody because you're too lazy. No, no one wants to hang out with me.
Yes, they do. You're just lazy.
Okay. No, they don't.
Tomorrow night, let's go out. You want to go out with a bunch of people? Yeah.
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to Hawaii. Exactly.
To do what? To fucking shine shoes. Fuck you.
Shoot a TV show.

What's your name on the show?

What?

Wong.

What is your name on the show?

Ching Chong's with plural.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Listen, Ching Chong's.

Yeah.

I am not.

You are definitely more Hollywood than me. You are so Hollywood.

Who can we ask?

Do you get your nails done?

Have you ever gotten your nails done?

Never.

Look at how shitty my hands are.

Have you ever gotten a facial?

Just from this guy I know in West Hollywood. Yeah, I've never gotten a facial.
No, I've never gotten a facial. Who can we call to ask who's more Hollywood? I'll call somebody right now.
Who? I'll call somebody right now. We have to settle the score of who's more Hollywood.
You're definitely way more Hollywood than me. You wear shirts of bands you don't even like.
All right. Okay? You wear Golden Goose shoes.
Pre-dirtied up shoes we talk all in griff you're on the podcast i need you to settle the score with me real fast it's griffin okay bobby and i are fighting about who's more hollywood and i say clearly it's bobby he says it's me and the the cowards in the office won't take a real stance they're afraid of losing their jobs pete said that andrew was more hollywood and really think about your answer here eric who's more hollywood me or bobby oh man this is actually tougher than i think uh i mean if i'm being honest but bobby is more hollywood yes thank you griff i love you to death i'll call you after yeah please all right and he's our most honest

friend literally our most honest friend i don't trust it you don't trust our most let's just call no one is more honest than griff let's just randomly call the comedy store and talk to whoever the phone kid picks up the phone all right that's fine you have to tell him you're on the show. I know.

Hey, Bobby, what's up?

Hey, what's up?

You working the phones?

Yes, I am.

This is Jake.

Hi, Jake.

I know who you are, and I love you.

You're on the podcast of Bad Friends right now.

Oh, okay.

He may not know what that is. I have a podcast.
You know what Bad Friends is? I haven't seen it, but I know what it is. It's me and Andrew Santino have a podcast? Yeah.
Okay. So I'm just going to ask you a question because we're just calling random people.
Okay. Okay.
Who's more Hollywood in your eyes? All right? Me or Andrew Santino? And be honest, and there's going to be no hard feelings.

Ooh.

I feel like it's even, but Andrew seems a little more like low-key Hollywood.

Mm-hmm.

As in, yeah, whereas you are much more seemingly outspoken and out-there Hollywood.

Right on.

He's out-there Hollywood. You're right, dude.
He's like ostentatious and annoying and demanding and bratty. Jake, that's your final answer? Thank you, Jake.
Yes, final answer. Okay.
Thank you, Jake. Okay, bye.
Love you. Fucking piece of shit.
He's right. I gotta get one more.
Oh, keep going. Keep swinging.
This is great. Keep swinging because everyone's gonna tell you the truth and you're you're gonna feel what it really is.
No, they're not. You're Mr.
Hollywood. I'm not Mr.
Shut the fuck up. Hollywood has nothing about me.
And you have to call, by the way, you have to call a source. Adam Egott.
Great. Great.
This is perfect. Great.
For people that don't know, he's the guy that used to manage the comedy store before. He became a prostitute in in austin he's a male prostitute in austin yeah but he only does orals yeah your call has been forwarded to an automatic wow can you believe he did that to you hurt he's probably doing something that fucking hurt no what do you mean he's probably busy let me see if i can get a hold of him adam egret let's see if he answers my phone call well he knows we're together our sh now.
Fine. Are you FaceTiming him? He doesn't only have FaceTime audio.
It's a race. Fuck.
You both look so Hollywood right there. Your phone's up trying to...
Calling famous people to see. George, you're on the chalk and glock.

Watch it.

He's not picking up.

No one's picking up.

One more time.

I got to get one more.

Can I tell you something?

This is how un-Hollywood we are.

None of our friends are picking up our phone calls.

This is the most Hollywood proof

that no one wants to pick up our phone.

Who is it?

You'll see.

Your call is...

No one's picking up.

Who is it? Who was it? That was Tom Segura. Oh yeah, he's definitely not going to pick up.
Yeah, yeah. Should we call Rogan? No.
Come on. Let's call Joe.
No, he's not going to say anything. Yeah, he will.
Yeah, he will. Whitney Cummings.
Sure. Last one.
Sure. Call Whitney.
All right. Last one.
She's probably drinking blood or something. What do you bobby panic yeah panic you know how scrooge mcduck had a vault of money you know she has one of those in her basement she swims in money in the morning someone says how does she how does she stay so young and active swims in money in the morning coins text.
Coins. Text me.
Text me. That's her voicemail.
Text me. We're not going to get anybody.
What does this prove? That we both suck? That we're both not Hollywood. That we're both not Hollywood.
Oh, there she is. That's it.
Hey, Whitney. Whitney, you're on Bad Friends real quick.
Oh, God. Okay.
I just want to ask one quick question.

Just real quick.

We're just calling our friends.

Oh, yeah.

No, I do not want to do a television show with you.

That's not it.

No, I do not want to co-host your podcast when you're in Hawaii.

No, no, no.

It's a mediocre show.

Who do you think?

Time out.

Hey, first of all, be nice.

Be nice to Bobby.

We're giving you a boost right now.

Okay, you know what?

If you were to be nice to Bobby, how about a guest star on Dave thank you can I tell you something you want to know something yeah I can say because the episode's already out the first episode we were in Korea I literally said what about Bobby Lee for for any character in Korea yeah and they go why can't it be like a Korean spa maybe or like a massage envy or like a like um you know like comedy like a spa shooting like hilarious stuff we wanted to put him in I asked to put him in the Korean episode and and Sonny you know Sonny yeah he said he said they actually pitched it but there was no role for him so they wanted you in there but there was nothing funny they were Korean armed guards that so yeah I did try to get him in wit how did try to get him in, Whit. How many shows have you tried to get us in? How many shows have you tried to get us in, Bobby? How many shows have you tried to get us in, Whitney? I think we're...
Can we get to the fucking point of the fucking... We're off on a bad start.
Oh, right, right, because your podcast normally has a point. We should not have called her, because she's mean.
Well, no, let's say something... She's nasty and mean, and she's not nice.
Well, okay. This is my only chance to ever be on Bad Friends that's exactly right just be honest with us who's more Hollywood Andrew Santino or Bobby Lee Andrew Santino hands down I love you Whitney I'm going to give you a nice gift go drink more baby blood I love you Whitney fuck you I'm gonna give you a nice gift go drink more baby blood goodnight goodnight I love you bad source and she's the oracle bad source she's the oracle bad source in your fucking face bad she goes source even the doorman at the comedy store was like even source she said Anderson do you know hands down bad source Eric.
All right, so we asked everybody to submit some videos.

How many do you have?

Let's see a few.

So who's going to get invited to Bobby's 50th birthday party?

Ooh, I'm excited.

How many do we have?

We've got a lot, but we can play some now and some later

because we have plenty of time.

Hey, Bobby, Andrew.

I'm just submitting an application to come party with bobby on his 50th birthday uh i got two shots uh so i'm double vaxxed all that good stuff i believe in masks i think masks save lives okay uh i like uh i like your guys and your comedy and everything like that. I got a couple cats I got a couple cats, so I'm a wild guy.
I'm also sober, so I won't be doing any crazy drinking or anything like that. Look at the size of this guy's penis.
I can't stop staring at this guy's penis. It's so nice.
I'm doing shots or any of the Mary Jane around him or anything like that. You've got little titties, too.
I'm half black and half Irish.

My mom's Nigerian and my dad is Irish,

so I'm technically half ginger as well.

So I've got...

I like it.

It's a full dose of words that have an N and I,

two Gs and E and an R.

I like him.

I like him.

He's put him...

Do a, I don't know, a flag or checkmark.

Do a checkmark next to him.

So you like him?

Yeah.

Logan.

He doesn't seem to flag or check mark.

Do a check mark next to him.

So you like him?

Yeah.

Logan.

He doesn't seem like he's going to be intrusive.

He doesn't seem like he,

yeah,

okay.

Here's another dude. Here's me.

Here's Andrew.

Okay.

Move the player.

Move that button.

Happy birthday,

Bobby,

in advance.

Happy 50th,

you an old motherfucker.

I just wanted to

tell you why I should come

to your party. I'm fun at parties.

You know, I'm

probably going to get fucked up because, you know,

you can't. You know, you want to be lame when you're

on 50th, which is cool.

I get it, but, you know, I'll get fucked up

for the both of us, you know,

and, you know, it'll be

a good time. So, we out.
He's on the pooper i love the pooper guys you think he's cute he's okay okay cute what do you mean because you want to be there i want i want some he looks like he's fucking 30 yeah you're right sorry my bad i mean you can say he's cute i guess what all right move that move that move that play bar physically there we go what's up bad friends my name's kyle i'm submitting this video to be invited to general robert e lee's big 50th birthday party man you hawaii 5-0 halfway to 100 man way to go papaya yeah there he is all the slut king and. Jules.
Fancy B. Pink Dick.
Love to meet you all. I fucking think it's going to be a blast, man.
A little bit about myself. Sometimes I like to drink water while I'm peeing, and I pretend that it's going straight through me.
Funny bit. My favorite sexual position is trial and error.

That's about it, though.

I'd love to meet you guys.

I think I'd be a lot of fun.

I know how to party.

I like this guy.

So let's give it up to you.

They're all good.

I can't invite everyone.

What's the criteria here?

I mean, it's your party.

Yeah, I'll have to go through it again.

Any women or is this all dudes? I mean, it's probably mostly dudes dudes can i tell you an idea before you play the next video yeah when he said he wants to meet everybody and i'm sorry i'm eating right now it's only because we're doing this at an off time because bobby's got a bobby's hollywood so he's got to go um i i do think and i'm being genuine when i say this people are going to want to come and meet people and say hi wouldn't it be cool if we put George like in a cage or what if we put George upside down suspended by his ankles in the boiling pot like we were going to do before and if people donate money the more and it goes to charity the lower he goes into the pot a real pot of boiling water so i get so we hang george upside down and if you donate all the money for that is going to go to your our favorite charities to support because you don't need you don't need people's money we want to donate do you want their money yes oh okay well we'll keep it and just tell him it's for charity. Okay, okay.
So can we do something to torture George at your party? Yeah. Yeah? We're going to boil George.
All right, guys. We're going to boil George.
We're just letting you know in advance. We're going to be boiling George.
George, is this all guys? Adam, make it. Go ahead.
Answer. He's on the phone.
Yeah. Adam.
Hey, buddy. So I'm with Anders Santino.
You're on Bad Friends real quick. Oh, fuck.
Oh, shit. All right.
You just have to answer a question. I miss you.
I love you. Can you just answer a question? Can you answer a question? Sure.
And you can be completely honest. Be honest.
Be honest. Between me and Andrew, who's more Hollywood? Santino, for sure.
I love you, Adam. Why? I miss you.
I'll talk to you later I miss you I love you so much stay in Austin you piece of shit it's fucking real this is real dude you know why he got kicked out of Hollywood he got ran out of LA he got ran out of LA because he's a kook bag and we don't want him around. That's right.
We don't want you anymore. Hollywood, let's go here.
Shut the fuck up. It's so funny.
I'm so not Hollywood. I'm more man of the people than you are by far.
You play golf. What's wrong with golf? It's Hollywood.
Everybody plays fucking golf. Hollywood.
If you don't play golf, you're not Hollywood. That's not true.
Yes, it is. It's gross.
America plays golf. Not every American.
It's a lazy guy's sport. No, it's not.
Yes, it is. It's gross.
America plays golf. Not every American.

It's a lazy guy's sport.

No, it's not.

Yes, it is.

It's way you and your rich friends hobnob, right, and create these projects and stuff

on the fucking course.

I've been busting my ass to try to get jobs for fucking 15 years.

You've been sitting on your little Korean ass getting stuff handed to you for 15 years.

Let's go play.

Let's see what she says.

Okay, I'll make this short and sweet. You've got to pick me.
You guys live in my ear all day, every day at work. We have to pick her.
If it's not Whiskey Ginger, if it's not Tiger Belly, if it's Bad Friends, you guys live in my ear. Okay, so it'll be a fucking privilege to celebrate the 50th birthday with you, Bobby, with Andrew, with Lila, with Rudy, with everybody, with all the crew.
Say no more. She's coming.
She's coming. Push pause.
She's coming. She's coming.
She has to come. I don't even give a fuck what's left.
Mark her as a, absolutely. Say, what's her name? I can't read it.
I think it's Lulavia. Lulavia? Uvia? Uvia? Yeah.
She's fucking coming. Anybody that has to deliver mail to people all day long and tirelessly deliver shit.
I just like her. Next person.
She's coming. Move the bar, dude.
Hey, Bobby. Hello.
Hey, Kalilah. Hey, Tiger Belly family.
Bad Friends family. My name's Ashton.
I'm a registered nurse here in San Antonio, Texas. This is my fiance, soon to be wife, Victoria.
She's a music therapist right now. And so I think the reason why we would be excited to go to your 50th birthday party would just be hang out.
I'm sure you get this a lot, of course, that I've been a fan of you since Matt TV. I used to run home from middle of work on my lunch break just to watch episodes to see if you were in them.
So you're my favorite comedian of all time. So why do you think we should go? So I definitely think we should go because he always was forward to your podcast like that's how he de-stresses from his day you know he has a really stressful job so to be able to listen to you guys is like a big um you know relief for him

this is your birthday i want it to be as special as it's going to be for you

and you know what you know what it's going to be your birthday hollywood themed

thank you for being a bad friend. Tom.
So me and Andrew are doing Bad Friends. You're on air.
Yeah. I just have one question for you.
Is that okay? Sure, buddy. Just in your heart of hearts, and just really be honest, who do you think is more Hollywood? Andrew or Bobby Lee? Oh, man.
That's really tough. You're both kind of like pieces of shit in a way.
Yeah. But it's kind of like who's the more rotten piece of of shit Yeah you know who it is Tom Tom I'm gonna side with my white brother On this one Wait wait Excuse me I'm going to side with my Caucasian friend Love Oh, Tom.

Love you, Tom.

Tom.

Thank you, Tommy.

I'm going to just listen to my words right now.

Yeah, listen to his words.

You break my heart.

Yeah, it's barely there.

It's barely fucking there.

You break my heart.

Love you, Tommy.

I love you, Tom.

Call me later, Bob.

All right, bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

Even 50-50.