Fancy B. vs George

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You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Speaking of money, who just got back from New York?

I wonder if you did. You, didn't you fancy boy? Yeah, I did.
New York. The city of dreams.
That was so stressful. But it's like...
The big peach. You fly in.
Statue of Liberty. You stay in your hotel room.
Then you get five o'clock in the morning call time. And you go? You work 16 hours.
Then you fly. Get back on a flight and fly back.
Block on a flight. Block on a flight.
Block on a flight. I'm working on impressions.
You want to hear one? Yeah, I want to hear one. Anyway, guess who it is.
Okay, let's hear it. I'm going to close my eyes.
I'm not going to look at you. There's no such thing.
Not yet. Not yet.
There's no such thing as political murder, political bombings, and political violence. There's only criminal murder, criminal bombings, and criminal violence.
Gavin Newsom, current governor of California, Gavin Newsom. No, no.
Who is it? It's a woman. Caitlyn Jenner, potential governor of California, no, no It's political Criminal bombings There's no stink It's a current No Dead Oh, he's dead? She She's dead Do it again There's no There's no Hold it There's no such thing Hold up There's no such thing as political murder, political bombings, or political violence.

Oh, Hillary Clinton.

No.

That's not Hillary Clinton?

Dead, I said.

Hillary's alive.

She's alive?

Yeah, yeah.

She just looks dead.

Yeah.

She looks dead.

Yeah, yeah.

Margaret Thatcher.

Oh, is that Margaret Thatcher? Yeah.

That's in a British accent?

That's how she talks, though. No, she was British.
Yeah, but she talks like that. Let me hear it one more time.
What's so funny? Yeah, guys, I don't think that's funny at all. That's funny.
But you know how I know this? Huh? Because I watched four seasons in a week. Of The Crown.
The Crown, baby. Yeah, I know.
I could tell that you watched The Crown. That's where that comes from.
Why? Because that's where that came from. Well, you saw show yeah i watched the crown yeah i love the crown not only do i love the crown i want to be the crown you want to be in the crown no i want to be a i want to be a prince oh you don't mean in the show you mean in real life like in real life i want to be a prince and live in a royal family and the whole thing but i would do my own things can you imagine if a princess kissed the frog and then he turned into you and how upset she'd be and she'd probably kiss me to get back to the frog the frog holy shit no no no no no because I would love to could he be a prince oh that face yeah I don't like that face why don't you think he could be a prince.
Like right now? Yeah, right now. Right now.
He's got prince hair. He definitely has prince hair.
I have prince hair. I would probably be born the last.
You were the last prince. No, no.
If my mom was the queen, I would be the last kid. So it's like there would be five kids ahead of me.
So I would never become king. You'll never be king.
Yeah. So then I would just be like fucking around.
That's a really good idea, by the way. That's a great idea for a movie is the last.
I would spray paint like little symbols on like vases and stuff around the castle. What, like swastikas? What kind of symbols? No, no, no.
I would probably do like a Chinese face. Oh, on the – oh, right, right.
Two line Chinese eyes and a big smile. What dynasty would you be a part of? Royal England.
But – What do you mean? But you're not – But that's what's great about it. Well.
Because it's like. Oh, somebody.
There'll be a mystery. Oh, right.
Someone slept around with somebody. Somebody did something.
Someone from the Ming dynasty. Somebody did something.
And now it's like I'm in all the tabloids because they. Maybe in the beginning they think.
Asian prince born to the royal family. No.
He's white, but he looks Asian. No.
They're unmistakably Asian. No, no.
I look white. No, sir.
I look Asian, but I'm white. Sir? Sir.
You do not look white. No, but can I just say this? Yeah.
What if, like, Queen Elizabeth had me, right? She had me at, like, 50. They would be like, she cheated with an Asian guy.
No, no, no. 50, right? And right before I was born, right, she's old.
She tumbled down the stairs and just rolled on her belly a bunch of times. Just listen.
Right? Right? And then all of a sudden, like, a butler came, didn't see the queen there, and he tripped on her. An Asian butler.
Whoa, whoa. There's no Asian involved in anything.
That's my point is that you're not. Yeah, yeah.
I'm just telling you why it came out. And then like she.
And then all of a sudden I'm about to get the board. I'm about to get a pop off.
I'm about to get a board. I'm about to get bored.
Just let me finish. All right.
You're about to get a board. And they go, we got to do it now.
Let's do it outside. They take the queen out.
They're in Buckingham Palace. We're in a courtyard.
And they go to the fountain. Right.
Yeah. The fountain.
The baby comes out and like the sun is so bright. You know, I go, ah.

And my eyes like this.

Ah.

Right?

And it just stuck like this.

It singes your face.

Yeah, like this.

And then I'm like the one that looks Asian, but I'm really a Windsor.

You're really, truly a Windsor?

I'm truly 100% a Windsor.

Do you buy that?

Why not?

He's Asian.

Yeah, you're Asian. Yeah, you're so Asian.

Look, that's what they could tell the tabloids,

but the truth would be, the queen slept around with somebody.

But we would never reveal the truth. How funny would it be, though?

Yeah, yeah. If they're like, we don't really know

who, we'll never be able to know who, and that's

all we're saying. And the press walks away and

cut to one of the vendors selling, like,

little British flags, and it's just one

sole little old Asian man. Or,

that's kind of funny. Or, I'm like, you know how like you go to different rooms and there's different photos and I'm wandering around and I'm just, you know, maybe I'm 16.
Yeah, I see it. You're 15.
And my older brother, my older brother Charles is already, you know what I mean? No, better name. No, Charles is a guy already.
No, but Prince Charles, I'm a part of the Windsor family so Prince Charles is my older brother. You're the next generation.
You're like the new generation. Oh, you're saying that I'm William's baby? Correct.
You're William and Kate's baby. Oh, I'm William and Kate's baby.
Yes, you've got to be the new generation. Right.
Yeah, so William and Kate had a baby. Right.
It looks Asian. They blamed it on the son.
And I'm walking around, right, the cast was just moping. Mad.
God, everyone calls me Asian, but I'm not. I'm a Windsor.
Right? And I go go to this one room there's a bunch of photographs yeah right yeah and i see my mom kate right yeah beautiful beautiful and she's like in a pool splashing around with ken chung right yeah and then everything just kind of right and i'm like the guy from the hangovers dad. Yeah.
That's your papa. Right.
And now you're on a journey to go find your dad. Right.
I don't want it to be Ken Jeong. And the movie can be played by Ken Jeong.
But the real guy is. All right, fine.
It's a pool party. He's Emperor Hirohito's.
Right. Emperor Hirohito's grandson.
Grandson. Right.
Right. Great, great, great grandson.
Toshi. Toshi, and he's jacked.
Toshi Hirohito.

Toshi Hirohito.

He's jacked out of his mind.

Right, right, right.

So then this is what happens.

And you have to go on a journey to find Toshi Hirohito. No, this is also what happens.

There's a scene in the movie where I go to the bathroom, and I take off my shirt, and

I do a thing.

What?

Because he's jacked, right?

He's so strong.

So I go, and I do a thing, and I do this, and I'm 16. A couple little muscles go boop, boop, boop, boop.
And I go, that's my dad. That's your dad's dad.
Because I can see little abs. You squeeze really hard, and then abs come out.
Yeah, like, pop, pop, pop, pop. Right? And I'm like this, and I'm like, that's my dad.
Just a little fart comes out as the abs are forming. Why? Why, why? Because that's the comedy part of you.
you're gonna you're gonna flex me like that's my dad just a little fart comes out as the abs are forming why why because that's the comedy part of you you're gonna you're gonna flex and be like that's my destiny and the scene goes oh and what am i right and the muscles go down they go down right as you fart it's fart bubble it's fart air in my skin that makes it's not even it's not even muscle it's right right and we cut to you on an airplane going to go see your real father. Yeah, but do I...
Is there a scene where I go to Kate? No, you... Forget about them.
She's a princess, so... I go to...
She's the... Yeah, she's the...
She's not queen yet. Because it goes, Charles is going to be king and then he has to die.
They're both dead. At this point, they're totally both dead.
Oh, so William is king. 100%.
She's a princess. She's not a queen.
Well, yeah. I don't know how that works.
It works that way. I think, like, Queen Elizabeth's husband is Prince Philip.
Right. Okay.
Wait, wait, wait. He just died.
Who gets to be queen? Remember that guy? Yeah, and they drove him home? Yeah. For the last 20 years, he was dead.
Look at this. Left the hospital.

Feeling good.

That's that one, the middle photo.

The one in the car.

Oh, we'll go to the far right.

Yeah, the one in the car.

Look at this one.

Feeling good.

Feeling good.

Feeling great.

Dude, he's not dead there?

He's dead there, dead there.

He's got to be dead there.

Look, his eyes are stitched open.

They put in stuff to be like, hold it, hold it, hold it. Yeah.
Do you think he looks in the mirror just you know what they gave him they just put smelling salts like we did just for the picture of him home my god he lived forever 99 he was 99 99 years old he was there's another there's another one where they try to really doctor him up there do you see him him in the suit with the blue tie? I mean. Oh, my God.

It's like.

Zoom in, please.

Yeah.

Big that up.

Yeah.

You know what they did?

They Photoshopped his eyes and just put it on the emperor's eyes in Star Wars.

You know what I mean?

That's what it looks like.

We don't need CGI.

Just use Prince Philip's eyes.

Apparently, if you're a part of a royal family that has hundreds of years of incestual mating, you live long. Really? Because they all live a long time.
Yeah, but he... How come when there's incestual mating like in the South, it's really sad? And for some reason in England, it's...
Because they don't do brother and sister. Right, they do cousins.
Yeah, they do cousins. So it's like the ones in the South, you know what I mean, just fuck their brother or their mom or whatever.
Never mind. It's always brother.
I think it's brothers or sisters or... It's never mom? I don't think it's ever the mom.
I don't think the mom is ever... Probably sometimes...
No, if anything, it's the dad. Yuck, I don't want to talk about it.
Yeah, it's gross. It's gross.
Anyway, well, that's what the royal family... So you came from...
That's my grandfather. That's my great-grandfather.
Great-grandfather, right? Wait. That's my great – yeah, great – Great – Not my grandfather, my great-grandfather.
Your great-grandpa. Yeah, yeah.
So look at that, Rudy. That's your great-grandpa yourself as well.
And there's a scene. Maybe we shoot this in.
Oh, he's already dead. But maybe in the movie he's – Comebacks to life.
No, a ghost. Oh, and he haunts you.
Yeah. No, and every every time i see him he wants to say something like encouraging but whenever i see him because he looks like that i just run yeah right so he's got all the advice and you just yeah you know fucking get the fuck out of because that would scare the shit out of me but so i go to japan and i find toshi yeah yeah but guess what what what happens toshi doesn't want anything to do with you so you say well i'll fight you find Toshi.
Yeah. Yeah.
But guess what? What happens?

Toshi doesn't want anything to do with you.

So you say, well, I'll fight you to the death.

What?

You'll fight him to the death.

He goes, because he says, he's like, you're not my son.

And you're like, I am your son.

Yeah.

Look.

And you show him the muscle thing.

Right.

He sees it.

Yeah.

And then he's like, you're not my son. No.

He could go back on.

He could go like this.

You can go.

You're not.

After I go.

Right.

Yeah.

He can go.

You're not my son.

See you next time. he sees it and then he's like you're not my son he turns his back on you he could go like this he can go after I go right he can go you're not my son see and he does it do an accent you're not my son you're not my son you're not my son see and he does it and what if he does a fart comes out for him that's the connection I told you dad I fucking told, dad.
I fucking told you. They're not muscles.
They're fart bubbles.

Those are fart bubbles on your skin, you fucking bastard.

This feels like a short story from like Roald Dahl or something like that.

Out of where the sidewalk ends. Anyway, I love The Crown.

It's good, huh?

It's a pretty good show.

It is a good show.

Didn't like the fourth season.

The Diana stuff.

It's sad.

Because it's depressing as shit because they had her killed.

It's nuts.

Dude, I've been so.

They didn't have him.

Come on.

100% she was killed.

She was not killed.

Thank you. Diana stuff.
Ah, it's sad. Because it's depressing as shit because they had her killed.
It's nuts. Dude, I've been so.
They didn't have them killed. Come on.
100% she was killed. She was not killed.
Do you know anything about Princess Diana? Yeah, I saw the documentary. Do you think that they had her killed or do you think it was a total accident? I think they have them killed.
They had her killed. Who, who, who? The family.
No, they didn't, dude. She was a commoner.
They didn't like her. That's blasphemy, dude.
They didn't like her, dude. They never liked her.
Oh you think that, like, Henry's wife, Meghan Markle, is going to get killed? No, because it's too late. Also, Meghan Markle is not going to become – she's not anything.
Oh, right. Because she's the youngest.
Well, she's the princess of Sussex. That's nothing, dude.
That's big. I'm the princess of Sussex, by the way.
I'm the prince of Essex. I'm the princess of Muffix.
Of Muffix. And she's a Buffix.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, see, if they were going to kill anybody, they would have killed Kate.
But they love Kate because she comes from high status. See what I'm saying? Well, no, they all was checked off on her.
They all encouraged it. I know, but my point is Charles cheated on what's her name with, you know, the girl he was with.
Who was he just with? Camilla. Yeah, with Diana.
So the family hated her because they were still like going back and forth. Yeah.
In the middle of all this shit. Yeah.
That's why they had her killed. They had her clipped.
They didn't have her killed. Did they have her clipped, Rudy? You voice your opinion on it.
She saw the documentary. Yeah, they had the clip.
They had her clippered. They had her clipped.
They have a clip? They have a clip. Or they had her clipped.
Let's roll the clip of the murder. What did you say? Clip.
Can I just say what you did the other day? I always have to do a little alert. She's here less and less and less mentally.
I know. But yesterday was the worst.
What happened? So they came home from the beach. What beach? Malibu.
Santa Monica. Santa Monica Shakabra.
Yeah. Cool, man.
So when they're going up the stairs, I go, here's my chance. So I pretend I was dead.
I go, here's my chance. So I laid on the ground, right? Why would you do that? Dead.
You just laid down on the ground? I just laid down like I was dead. Did you put any blood out or anything? No, no, no.
But I just made my body as if I fell in a weird way. Right.
Down the stairs? No, just up in the living room. Well, they wouldn't buy that then.
Would you have a heart attack? Maybe. I get it.
Maybe you could. So I'm laying there, and I can see her.
She can see me from the kitchen. Who can? Her.
Oh, right. She's putting stuff away or whatever.
Right. She looks at me.
She still does her thing. Then she eventually goes, Tito Bobby.

Like, no.

No.

Are you okay?

Nothing.

Is everything all right?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Wow.

So let me ask you something real.

You didn't believe it at all?

I didn't.

What did you think he was doing?

Sleeping?

I saw his eyes open and closed.

Oh, you're not good at playing dead. Bro, open and closed.
You're not good at playing dead.

Bro, how can you?

You're not good at playing dead.

Andrew.

Do it right now.

Do die right now.

That's what she saw.

That didn't look good.

Oh, okay.

No, that's not what your face does.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's more like it.

Like you're sucking a little penis or something like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, trembling lip. You're dead.
I'll go dead for you. Ready? This is me dead.
No. No.
No. That's motionless.
You're falling asleep in a movie theater. This is me.
This is me. This is me.
This is me. No, you're drunk.
You're drunk. I'm drunk.
Yeah. This is me dead.
Yep. You're dead.
So anyway, she didn't see see my eyes And my point is that she doesn't care She did see your eyes didn't you Why don't you care if Tito Bob Passed away I would care Oh wait a minute Rudy update did what's his name hit you back on Instagram Yeah And what did he say he thought it was me what he thought it was

me saying it yeah oh what bob said yeah yeah wait what did you say again what did what did we say bring it out again yeah i want to see it was he mad no did you are you guys still chatting um ningo have you been chatting with him what's his name did diego diego diego diego you guys aren't chatting anymore? No. Why not? Did he blow it?

I don't know. He's just busy.

He's busy?

This... his name? Diego? Diego.
Diego? Diego. You guys aren't chatting anymore? No.
Why not? Did he blow it? I don't know. He's just busy.
He's busy? This girl- You're a famous podcast star. How is he busier than you? Bro.
What does he do? Work. I have a feeling she's going to be living at our house for the rest of her life.
Yeah, forever. I feel it.
She's going to be just that girl. I'm okay with that.
What are you getting angry for? Read what he said to you. Because you have every opportunity to meet guys.
But anyway, go ahead. Reread what Bobby said that he thought you said.
Okay. Okay.
Bobby said over a thousand sons. Oh, yeah.
How long? That was a good word. Yeah, I like that.
By the way, you looked hella ripped on the beach, kalla beach car okay yeah yeah okay what did he say he said you lying you lying yeah you lying and you should have wrote back no cap i don't say that do you know what no cap means wait let's see bobby knows oh did you know lie you didn't know i didn't, but let's move on. All right.
So what else?

What else?

What else?

No cap, dog.

So what did he say?

He said, you lying.

And then I said, Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew said that.

And then what?

And he said, I'm honestly kind of surprised.

It sounds like something you'd say.

Oh, see, we formulated that so good.

And then what'd you say after that?

High five.

And I said, I would never say anything like that. Ha ha.
Dude, imagine reading that. I would never say anything.
I would never say anything like that. You know how bad he felt? How many ha's, two ha's? Ha and ha? Ha ha.
That's so lame. It's so lame.
And that was the end of this conversation? There's more, but... Is there any discussions of, like, coming up to L.A.
and going to the movie? And hanging out? There is? He said that if I was in San Diego, then we should hang out. And if he's in L.A., we should hang out.
No shit. What a stupid...
No, he should make the effort. Give the guy a break.
No, I don't give a fuck, Diego. Get on the fucking train.
Give the guy a fucking break. No, listen up, Diego.
Get on the fucking Pacific Coastliner, okay? It's the train that comes up here. Take your ass on the train.
Get to downtown LA. Get in a fucking Uber and get your ass over to their house.
You understand me? Pick her up in the Uber. Go to the movies.
Do people go to the movies right now? They do. She went to a movie.
You do? Quiet place too. Take her to the movies.
Go see a movie that's out. Drop her back off and get back on the fucking train.
Get the fuck down to Oceanside.

You hear about that TikToker that got shot in the movie theater in Orange County?

Yeah, two of them.

It was a man and a boyfriend. Imagine being quarantined for a year.

You finally go to a fucking movie.

And you get shot.

And you get shot.

Oh, it's the worst story.

Let's move on.

But let me say this.

What?

This is why I don't like this stuff, and I'm being genuine.

They went to see The Purge, right? It was The Purge. They deserve to get shot.
Is that what you're saying? I mean, you said it. I know.
That movie is all about killing off people. Who cares, dude? No, but I'm saying that's, it gives the impetus to psychopaths to do something.
Oh, really? So if I'm watching like You Got Mail and then there's going to be a bunch of like white Karens

in there, I mean.

Probably.

That's what goes

to see You Got Mail.

No, there's a bunch

of people watch

different kinds of movies.

Two Dead and Random

Shooting at Purge movie.

Yeah, it was at the Purge.

It was going to see

The Purge.

But The Purge's

whole film basis

is about clearing out

society.

We're watching

Lord of the Rings

and some guy

just drops us

as a wizard

and they're doing

fucking life.

I'd love it.

I would love it.

It just doesn't,

whatever movie it is.

I'm saying usually these happen in violent, violent films. You're right because the one in – there was one in – Batman.
Batman was Batman. Yeah, man.
There's usually violent films. You're right.
Unfortunately. So don't watch violent films? I don't – let me tell you something.
In a movie theater? That shouldn't be the world we live in, but disgustingly, I would stay at home to watch these films. Matt Damon was just complaining about how there is no such thing as kid – the next generation not going to know about movie theaters and it's like yeah no shit.
A home entertainment systems now are so nice why the fuck would I pay $25 for a movie ticket? You're right. I'm not leaving my house.
Like she saw The Quiet Place 2 at the movie theater. I just saw it on my fucking Paramount Plus.
I watched it on my iPad. Yeah yeah yeah How much was the tickets now? How much are they now? California's different, by the way, than other.
That's it? Yeah. Because you're like under 12 or something.
No, she can get away with that. She's like, I'm under 12.
Can I just ask you this, though? This is a real question. But it's like it's like there was in the 90s when television, you know, was showing a lot of stand up comedy.
Yeah. That's when comedy clubs started dying in the early 90s.
Do you think, though, that – and now people are starting to come out to live shows because there's a difference between watching a live show and – But stand-up is a live performance. Live performances will never go away.
But you're watching a film. It's going to be tough.
Yeah, but isn't there something to watching a scary movie with a big crowd? Not when there's the fear of getting shot in the head. That's true.
Because stand-up, live performance will always be good. Theater will always be good.
Broadway will always be there. Live music will...
I mean, did you see Lollapalooza? Did you see COVID too? Look at pictures of Lollapalooza in Chicago. You know, like one of the biggest musical festivals.
They just did a one? Bro, shoulder to shoulder, neck to neck. Look at the images they just had dude it's look at this nets that was recently this just happened no over this past weekend no yes dude it just happened this is rona dude rona dude rona right there oh my god oh my god that is Yeah, no, they're back.
We're back. Shows are back and stuff.
I'm saying this will never die. Live show, live music will never die.
Yeah. You'll never take that away.
But who played? At, you know who did, at Lollapalooza? I don't know. Look up the lineup there.
Click on one of the posters right there, Pete. You have 2021 up.
Foo Fighters. Of course.
Post Malone. Tyler, the Creator.
Motley Cyrus. DaBaby.
Marshmallow, Illenium, Journey, Megan Thee Stallion, Roddy Rich, Kay Trodano, Brock Hampton, Playboy Cardi, Young Thug, Limp Bizkit, Modest Mouse, Jack Harlow, Polo G, Trippy Red, Suicide Boys, Alice in Wonderland, Slander, Steve Aoki, Brittany Howard and Band of Horses, Jimmy Eat World, Dermot Kennedy. Young the Giant.
Lav Javon. Angels and Airwaves.
I am Dior. St.
John. All Time Low.
Mount Joy. Mark Ribier.
Mark Ribier, who's a good friend. Keep going.
You're going to do the whole thing. I have OCD.
Whitney. Dominic Fyke.
If you don't do the whole thing. Services.
Touch of me. Juaz.
Freddie Gibbs. The Front Row Bottoms.
The Front Bottoms. Did they steal that from us? The front bottoms? The front bottoms.
Big Wild, Kim Petross, Yellow Claw, Subtronics, Oliver Heedens, Kayakash, Oliver Tree, Omar Apollo, Ash, LP, Arizona Survivor, Zayt, Dragon, Earthgang, Rico, Nazzy, Jamfucka, Jacob Banks, White Reaper, Peekaboo, Oliver O'Brien, Overpack, Princess Nokia, Princess Nokia, Cautious Clay, Dayglo, Trevor Daniel, Flow Me,

bop beep,

flop,

bop beep,

Okay,

but can I just ask you?

And last on the list,

Jake Doobie.

Okay,

how bad does Jake Doobie feel?

Sucks.

Like he gets called,

you're gonna be in Lollapalooza,

really?

Yeah.

He looks at the poster

and he's the last guy

out of 10,000 names.

Let's see him.

There he is,

Jake Doobie right there.

Click on him,

there's Jake Doobie. Jake Doobie.
Jake Doobie. Right, so then he shows up at Lollapalooza.
They don't even give him a trailer. Right, so he's just kind of standing next to the bathroom.
Just in an empty port-a-pot. Yeah, and he's leaning, and people are like, who is that guy? That's Jake Doobie.
Oh, is that Jake Doobie? Is that Jake Doobie? What is he doing here? I'm set to go on in 20. No.
Wait, look at the real- Dude, if he's last on the thing, he's at three in the morning. Well, he's in one of the far tents on the other side of the evening.
The mini tent. The mini tent.
Yeah. Is that where the bathroom is? No, that's just where Jake Doobie's doing his show.
This is so mean. Poor Jake Doobie.
Oh, we love Jake Doobie. Find out he's a huge fan of ours.
Oh, my goodness. Wait, let me find out the real Jake Doobie because that obviously is not him, Pete, clearly.
That's not Jake Doobie. Just Jake Doobie musician.
Yeah, music. Oh, I guess that's Jake Doobie right there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, when you...
Okay, I'm just gonna say... Wait, that is Jake Doobie? That's really him.
When you Google an artist's names and there's only three photos of him, it can't be good. No, but that...
I feel bad, but... Like, who's that woman? Who's that woman down there? That's Jake Dubois.
That's his sister. Yeah.
That's Jacinda Doobie. Here's Jake Doobie.
That's actually his. And here's his...
Whoa. Okay.
This makes no sense. Oh, yeah.
His one song on Spotify has 2,300 plays. That's it.
2,300. Wow.
And Alive has what? Daddy, Why You Die has more plays. Way more plays.
I know we're going to have to blank this out but let's hear for a second of it

this is Jake Duby we'll just play some other music over

so the listeners know

we'll play Daddy Why You Die over this

Daddy I love you

Daddy Why You Die

I would run to this

this is the music I run to

Thank you. I would run to this.
This is the music I run to when I go running. Oh, really? So you're...
Oh, I thought you... This is what I thought you meant.
I thought this is what you meant. Shout out to Jake Doobie.
I like your music, Jake Doobie. This is what I thought you meant.
I see you in a coffee shop. I thought you meant I'd run to him, that you're watching the Foo Fighters, but then you hear that song and you ran to the tent to go see him.
Jake Doobie's playing everybody. I'm coming, Jake Doobie.
I see you in a coffee shop. Yeah, yeah.
He only had one song, so you show up and it's like the last... And then, wait, and then it's I see you in a coffee shop.
Thank you! As I get to the tent. Do it again, can you do it again? Doobie, one more time! I feel so bad for Jake Doobie.
I like Jake Doobie. Download his fucking song.
You know what? Let's promo Jake Doobie. Jake Doobie's the best.
Guys, go download Jake Doobie's song, I See You in the Coffee Shop. Is that the name of the song? That can't be name yeah no the song is called run into you yeah oh how weird i said i would run to it run into you let me see the lot of palooza um the list again if you show it i'm gonna read it all don't do it laundry day moby rich zoom in at the down at jake doobie the aqua dolls i know who they are oh tyler and post malone foers Foo Fighters Still killing it Dude see how Dominatory he is

Who

The Foo Fighters

Are still relevant

It's been 30 years

It's incredible

Well I'm not

Yeah maybe 30 years

Now right

Yeah it's incredible

Wow yeah

Some of their albums

Are just like

Just classics

I mean

Classics

Dave Grohl might be

The most talented musician

Of our generation

That I've been

Since I was alive

Who's lasted longer

Than him

But it's also funny

It's like he's the drummer

Of what

You know who Dave Grohl is

No

Thank you. Dave Grohl might be the most talented musician of our generation since I was alive.
Who's lasted longer than him? It's also funny.

It's like he's the drummer.

You know who Dave Grohl is?

No.

Don't tell her.

Dave Grohl is in the band Foo Fighters.

Show a picture of Dave Grohl.

But he's a multi-talented musician.

I want you to guess what band he was in first because he was in the most popular.

I know.

What?

Nirvana

yeah

how'd you know?

how did you know?

did you see it?

you read it

you read it

no

because I listened to Nirvana

and I saw his face

really?

what song do you like

from Nirvana?

Lithium

ooh Lithium is a good song

yeah

do you like

Smells Like Teen Spirit?

you do?

sing it sing it right now I only know the chorus Brr-brr-brr-brr-brr-brr-brr There's no such thing as political violence. Political murder.
We do gotta help you with your English accent. Try it.
Try it. Try it really with English.
That's how she sounds, Marvordatier. No, dude, she sounds like a British woman.
There's no such thing as political murder, political violence. Political violence.
Yeah, that's pretty good. Political violence.
Political violence.

Yeah.

Try South African.

Do one first and I'll do it.

South Africa.

It sounds like this, bro.

South Africa. South Africa, bro.

South Africa, bro.

South Africa.

Africa.

This thing is political violence, bro.

This thing is political murder, bro.

This thing is political violence, bro.

Bro.

This thing is political murder, bro. Bro.
This thing as political bombings, bro Now do Hawaii You know Hawaiian, dude You're there all the time You go first No such thing, bro I always go to Jamaican There is no such thing as political violence, bro Should we do our Chinese portion? Now, we been learning Mandarin. We've been learning Mandarin.
And we want to apologize. One last story.
Whoa, whoa. I'm doing my best, John Cena.
We're apologizing to China right now because they're mad at us. Do you know this? Chinese government wrote us a letter to cease and desist.
This show. Why? Fancy, what did they say? The Chinese government wrote us.
They didn't want us to do the show anymore. What do they say, fans? Bad friends? Yeah.
Yeah. They say Bob is very disrespectful to her.
Towards the Chinese people. Yeah.
What? What did they say? I don't know. Apparently, they've got a whole- Ching Chong, Ching Chong.
Ching Chong stuff. You said that one time, and then I think they got really mad about it.
I never said Ching Chong. We've got a couple of- Really? You know how many times you've done an Asian accent on the show? Out of respect for you.
No, not out of respect. You go, oh, fuck you, man.
Never done that. Yeah, you just said it.
Oh, you've done it. I've never.
Yes, you have. See, that seems racist, what you're doing.
That seems racist. That's what you do.
No, I do that when I'm impersonating you. Yeah.
And then you had that one guy call me, right? What guy? I can't tell you the guy's name, but there was a guy that you made do an asian accent on the phone he was asian he wasn't yes he was i found out who it was and it was a fucking hispanic guy it is a hispanic exactly so you do but if the letters towards you but china doesn't care about me because i'm not asian what did the ching chong say no what did the ching chong say tell me what the ching chong was the email going ching going ching chong, ching chong, ching chong, or was it in English? It was in English. It was in English, yeah.
Read it to me, then. It broke in English, so I...
Read it to me. Read it, fans.
I don't have it here. I have to paraphrase.
Okay, paraphrase. Bad friends, you guys are going to be prohibited in China.
We're not going to stream you. We're not going to be able to stream in China.
Do we have any fans there? YouTube. We're in China.
You guys have a few people there. We do.
We definitely get China streams, dude. Yeah.
I'm going to look it up. Mostly because of Bobby Lee's attitude towards Asians in general.
That's bad to hear, Bob. Is that how you want us to live our careers? Okay, stop.
Stop, stop. Okay, I'm looking right now.
Here you go, here you go. Top listening countries to bad friends.
U.S., Canada, Australia, United Kingdom, Sweden, New Zealand, Ireland, Norway, Germany, Netherlands, Denmark, Finland, Puerto Rico, Iceland, South Africa, Mexico, Japan, France, Austria, Belgium, Philippines, oh, Philippines, Spain, Singapore, Spain, Singapore, Switzerland, South Korea, India, Saudi Arabia, Italy, Portugal, Poland, Hong Kong, Iran, Brazil, United Arab Emirates, Israel, Malaysia, Romania, Czech Republic, Taiwan, Thailand, Guam, Estonia, Hungary, Vietnam, Indonesia, Kuwait, Chile, Greece, Russia, Slovenia, Latvia, Turkey, Serbia, Egypt, Argentina, Costa Rica, Qatar, Croatia, Morocco, Iraq, Slovakia, Ukraine, Colombia, Bulgaria, Lithuania, Kenya, Peru, Panama, Jamaica, Bahrain, Guatemala, Dominican Republic. China's not on here.
Yeah, because you guys are banned. We got banned because of you.
So thanks a lot. Now China can't stream us.
Can I regroup? I got to save it. Well, then try to apologize and regroup.
Okay. Dear China.
Is that how you say it? I think dear China. Yeah, yeah.
I think you say dear China. My Chinese – I'm not Chinese, so I can't say Chinese people.
I'm going to say dear Asians. Yeah.
Dear Asians who happen to be in China. Dear Asians who currently live in China.
Yeah, which is – okay, dear Asians who happen to be Chinese who live in China. Perfect.
You know what I mean? Yeah. I love you, right? I love your sweet and pungent shrimp.
Love sweet and pungent shrimp. Yeah.
I love your sweet and pungent shrimp. I love the New York style egg rolls.
New York style egg rolls are so good. They're the best.
And I know that it's not you, Chinese people, that created the New York Chinese. That's American Chinese.
That's American Chinese. But still, you are the foundation in which New York came up from.
That's right. It has to be based on something.
It's like the Beatles was influenced by some jazz, I guess, or blues and stuff. And so the Beatles played homage to – Chinese people are the Beatles of egg rolls.

Of egg rolls.

Yeah.

Right.

So congratulations.

Thank you so much for Chow Yun-Fat.

Chow Yun-Fat.

Shout out to Chow Yun-Fat.

Crouching Tiger.

So good.

Yeah, and whatever.

Everything.

Everything that he's done.

Everything that he's done.

He's phenomenal.

Thank you so much for Jet Li.

Love.

Thank you so much for Jackie Chan. Love.
Thank you so much for the martial arts. Yep.
Dude, it's like without the martial arts. Taekwondo.
Yeah. It goes like, I'll tell you in terms of like self-defense, it goes guns.
Guns are the best. Best, right? Yeah.
It goes semi-automatic guns, rockets, warheads.heads, in terms of that, right? Right. And then it goes to, like, knives.
Swords, knives. Swords, knives, those types of things, right? Cutlery.
Yeah, and then hi-yah is third. Third.
Hi-yah is third. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So if you're in a Chinese village somewhere. My head fell off again.
I don't know. This is the fifth time you've done this.
Here's another thing. There's things I'm sorry about.
What are you sorry for? I'm sorry about the earthquakes. Well, you didn't cause them.
I know, but there's a lot of people that got damaged from it. You know what I mean? There is.
Oh, congratulations on the wall. In fact.
It's great. In fact, I want to invite you to make our wall.
Because you guys made that wall thousands of years ago. We can't even.
There's holes in our walls. There's fucking people are climbing over it.
Imagine. Why don't you guys make our wall? Donald Trump.
We'll get the Chinese to build it. They built a wall.
A great wall. It was long.
Here's another thing about this. Dear Chinese people, China, you want to go below a wall? Yeah.
Thank you so much for the clothes. Clothes.
Right. Technology.
Technology. Sign off to China.
Say thank you, China. Qingchang.
Dang, dang, Qingchang. I love, dude, here's the thing.
Let's go back to the Asian thing Is that So there's this new generation Of kids that are woke Sure So I've had like people like Ali Wong Come up to me and go It's so crazy the kind of shit that you used to Audition for The stuff that was available to you and you were able To survive in that world. 95% of the things that I was offered is with Asian accents or some demeaning role.
Sure. And I'm getting way better shit now.
Of course. So there was a time in the world where I had to survive in show business by playing this little game of being like talking about where am I raised and making fun of it and this and that.
Yeah, you had to stay alive. And also like trying to fight against it.
It was a weird kind of place that I was in. Of course.
And so a lot of my humor, like people, like I'm not, you guys, like guys like Ronnie Chang probably don't talk about their race and this and that.

But I still make fun of it and stuff.

And I think, is that really China Mad or no?

No, of course not.

They don't even know we exist.

Less than 1%. Then why did we do that?

Just for a gag.

Oh, then I don't know.

Forget what I just said then.

Yeah.

No, but what you're saying is what we've said on the show before.

Look, when we make any of those jokes, it's just out of love.

Are you going to congratulate her or no?

What did she do?

They won their first gold.

The Philippines won their first gold.

What was it in?

Weightlifting the girl.

A medalist who accused her of being part of a plot against Duarte. Duterte.

What is Duterte?

The president.

Oh, that's the president of the Philippines?

He is.

They were trying to kill him? Bro, bro.

Bro.

Duterte.

Duterte.

Is one of the Philippines? He is. They were trying to kill him? Bro, bro.
Bro. Duterte.
Duterte. Is one of the worst leaders on planet Earth.
Does he kill his own people? He makes lists, right? And he does it. Let's get on his list, you and I.
No, no. I don't want to be on his list because I want to go there.
I don't. So what? Let's get on his list.
Let's fight him. You think we can't fight Duterte? We'll fight him and win.
No, no. We're not.
How big is the Philippine army? Really? Dude, dude. It's like 17 dudes.
You don't want to fuck with Duterte. Why don't you want to fuck with Duterte? Why not? Why can't I fuck with Duterte? Because they do shit like, you know what I mean? Torture stuff? No, but like if like, for instance, like a social media girl in the Philippines, right? Says something bad about him., and then she goes scuba diving, they'll just find her dead body floating in the ocean.
Oh, yeah. Cool.
Mafia shit. Yeah.
That's cool. They do shit like that.
We do that in America. We're just better at hiding.
I know. We don't hide it.
But she won the first gold. For weightlifting.
For weightlifting. Do you know what she lifted? I don't know.
This is the pride of your fucking country, and you don't know anything about this? I know her first name. What is it? Heidelin.
Heidelin. And what's her last name? I forgot.
Good. That's good.
The first gold medal in the history of your country. But when she wins, you have to shed a tear.
She made – like Joe Coyne went crazy. Nutted, Joe Coy went, oh, I could, nutted all over his belly.
Like, he went, he went crazy, dude. Is Joe Coy a hero in the Philippines? A lot of people like him.
When she won and he, she came, because I think she was outspoken, outspoken against Duterte, right? And, good for her. Because they get get no money.
Like before, no, before. Olympians? Her training, she's training in a field that there's no, you know what I mean? There's no facility.
You already have the gold, forget them. Gold is gold and it would be good for you to just let bygones be bygones and dwell solely on your victory.
That's what the Philippine president said. Ah.
It's crazy, right? He's trying to say, shut your mouth or we'll kill you. But she comes back and they're like

they gave her like $200,000.

You know that? And some guy

that owns like property goes, I'll give you

this apartment that's worth

$250,000. So she got a bunch of shit.

Yeah, I hope so. She's the only gold medal.

The gold medal, they should treat her like she's the

queen. Yeah.
There must be

like murals.

There should be. They're just making murals about her.
Let's see how much weight she lifted. Can I find out? Well, just look at the video.
Oh, sure. Of her winning.
Just, you know. This is her moment.
This is it. For gold.
Hang on. Hang on.
Did she jerk it? Oh, she's crying. Diaz did.
Three white lights. It's gold for the Philippines.

Wow.

Oh, my goodness.

This is absolutely unbelievable.

Dude.

At long last.

Yeah, I actually do, too.

The Philippines with its first-ever Olympic gold medal in any sport,

and it comes in women's weightlifting.

When she gets to the Philippines, she gets handed like three chickens.'s all she gets it's three chickens and a boar it's not that impressive so what why it's just heavy stuff above your head bro bro bro okay that's just heavy stuff above her head okay have you seen taekwondo i love taekwondo it's the worst thing i've ever seen what do you mean olympic taekwondo yeah it's the worst thing i've ever seen clearly i'm joking that this is very impressive yeah yeah thank you we've got great news george kimmel no longer has more followers on instagram than fancy b we did it what a great We did it. We did it.
Bad Friends Family, we did it. Fancy B officially has 20,000 followers.
And what does George have? What does George have? And George has 17,000. Oh, and he'll never catch up.
Never. Guys, we want to keep this going.
So please follow Fancy B. Show the page again.
Because, you know- Fancy B. Bad Friend Rudy has almost 80,000.
And I want Fancy to catch up. Let's get to 80,000 with Fancy.
Fancy B. Show the page again.
Because, you know. Fancy B.
Bad friend Rudy has almost 80,000.

And I want Fancy to catch up.

Let's get to 80,000 with Fancy.

Fancy.

We've got to post a little bit more.

Can I just say something else then?

Uh-huh.

I think anyone following George listening right now, unfollow.

Unfollow George.

I like it.

Please unfollow.

I want him to go lower, right?

So that we can get him a little cushion, right?

So I'm telling you right now, and I'm going to say something right now. I'm going to look directly into the camera.
Right? Because I'm kind of like a shaman in many ways. Correct.
Right? And I'm a good luck charm. Correct.
So to our listeners, we're very grateful for what you've done. Big time.
Right? We have the best fans in the whole world. Yep.
But I also have connections with the spirit world. He definitely does.
And what I want to say to you is this. If you, right now, if you follow George Kimmel, if you unfollow him, right, good things are going to happen for you this year.
You're going to have gifts that you never thought you would receive. Money.
Some money. If you're single, some tang.
Some tang. Some little bit of tang.
Tang is coming your way, way. Some tang, right? If you're single some love some tang some little bit of tang tang is

coming your way way tang right if you're a woman real good dick real good dick like the high

quality like we would suck it we would we would suck the dick that's what you're gonna get you're

gonna get um prosper prosperity health good health if you have a limp limp's gone limp is gone yeah

yeah if you have carpal tunnel you can play fucking ping pong now you can get back yeah get

back in there, right?

So,

I'm telling you And if you don't unfollow him Uh oh Oh my god Are you gonna tell him What's gonna happen Yeah You're gonna have joint aches Joint aches You'll have joint aches Right You'll have fever dreams Fever dreams Night sweats Night sweats right And you're not just gonna have Wet dreams They're not Wet you're going to piss yourself every night When I do some of these Shaman prophecies And I don't know why But your eyebrow hairs fall off They all fall out They just start falling off Like ash What happens to their toes? They crinkle Like the Wizard of. They curl up and crinkle.
Like the Wizard of Oz. Yeah, and they look real nasty.
Oh, gross. They look real nasty.
Also, what happens is indigestion problems. Oh, so stomach, tell me stuff.
You want stomach? Like not Crohn's, but Crohn's. It's Crohn's.
It's basically Crohn's. So please, right? I don't want this to happen to you.
Me neither. So please.
And also hilarious it's hilarious so please unfollow George Kimmel here's the goal we've got how many months left in the year? 4? what do we got? August, September, October, November, December 5 months left 5 months we've got to get Fancy B to 80,000.

And George to 1,000.

And George to 1,000.

That's our goal.

Fancy needs to be near her and George needs to be near an open mic.

An open mic.

Yeah, yeah.

Or below.

Yeah.

Please, God.

Please, guys.

Please, God.

Please, God.

We're begging you.

We want this to happen.

So I'm going to do a thing. Now it's real.
Wow. It's real.
Did you feel that? Yeah, you felt it, right? You did, didn't you? Yeah, yeah. I'll do one more.
Oh, shit. That made it.
That was like a stamp. You felt it in your soul.
Right here. Right here.
Your soul went jiggly. Jiggle jangles.
Jiggle jangles your soul. Fancy, you got to post more.
If this is the deal, he's putting out all this. No, you know what? My prophecy is this, right? And my thing is, you don't even have to post fancy.
I believe the fans are just going to do it. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just going to do it.
But also post more fancy. Maybe post more.
Post a little bit more. Yeah, yeah.
66 posts is not enough. It's fancy B.
period one. So keep Rudy where she is or gain a few more, but fancy's got to shoot up.
He's got to get – If Rudy's attitude doesn't change – Oh, then you're up next on the chopping deck. Yeah, I'll do another prophecy on you, man.
Right? But she doesn't care. Okay, well, then we'll delete your account completely.
Yeah. Would you delete your account? Yeah, if you want.
Oh, so we'll delete it right now then. And you'll be completely fine with it.
Yeah. She's so cool to not care.
She's too young. Life is so good.
Nothing matters. She has such a great life.
Yeah, and we're just older. She has to clean cat pee.

Good.

A lot.

Dude, a raccoon pooped on my front doorstep.

Unless that was you.

It was me.

It was me.

I cleaned up the biggest pile of shit I've ever seen in my life.

In your front doorstep.

Front door.

And I looked on the camera, the security camera.

Nothing.

Nothing.

It was me. It was? Yeah.
Can I tell you something? You would play a good raccoon. No, I do ninja shits.
You do ninja shits? Yeah, yeah. So you can't even see me on the front.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I flip, flip, flip, shit, flip, flip, out.
Yeah. In and out.
You can't see me. I cleaned up the biggest pile of shit today and my dog.
Because I. Would be funny, though, if on your front doorstep? Would it be funny? We'd have a shit off.
You want to do a shit off? We would have one. Kalilah would be upset.
I would have to clean it. That's right.
I did a shit off with Ari Shafir and it backfired on me. Didn't he poop in a car? He pooped in someone's car, right?

Not just the car, man.

So he saved up a month worth of shit, put it in the freezer.

That's fucking repulsive.

I know, but he did.

He saved his own poop?

Yeah, in a double bag, brown paper bag.

Oh, my God. So what he did was he probably a month worth of shit, And then what happened was he put it In the handle of my car So I did this Shit in my fingers So I'm like what the fuck I opened the car right And then he has one On the window One little turd So I go I'll just do the fucking wipers.
It was all on the wipers. So it wiped shit all over the thing.
It moved poop all over the place. All over the fucking thing, right? So I went to a 7-Eleven down the street, and I went to a homeless guy, and I go, dude, if I get Windex and paper towels at 7-Eleven, will you clean this? He goes, how much? You told him it was poop? It was poop.
You said it was poop.

I go, 50 bucks. Nah.

I paid him $200.

To clean poop off your car? Yeah. You didn't want to go to

a professional car wash? It was at 2 in the morning.

They have those car washes at the gas

station. I don't know how to do that, so I just

had the guy do it. Played a homeless guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

$200? Yeah. And did you sit there?

He was so bummed doing it. He was like,

fucking shit, motherfucking.

All this Jew shit. I think he said Jew shit, not me.
He knew. He knew it was Jew shit.
But wait a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
200 bucks? Too much? No, it's pretty good. It's a good payday for a homeless.
It feels like a fair trade. Yeah.
How much would it take for you to clean poop off of a car? If I threw poop on Bobby's car and you had to clean it off, how much does it cost? I can do it for free. Oh, that's a Filipino in her.
That is a Filipino in her. Yeah, no charge.
No, you have to charge. Yeah.
100. 100, that's a good rate.
Less than the bum. Less than a homeless person.
Yeah, you know what? We got to build your self-esteem. We really do.
Hey, man, you don't clean up shit for any less than $500. Okay.
Okay? Yeah. Is everything okay? Yeah.
It's so funny because she doesn't realize that she has a lot of people out there, bad friends, fans. Bad friends, yeah.
That love her, right? To death. Like you played Calusa, right, right? I played Calusa, yeah.
If Rudy would have walked up on that stage, how many, 800 people? They would have lost it. Would they have lost it? Dude, they all asked about it.
They would have lost it. For you.
And you don't feel anything. I do.
What do you feel? Grateful. I don't buy it.
I don't buy it. I just don't buy it.
Yeah, yeah, I don't buy it. I am! Prove it I am Prove it Why don't you do this A little message And this is not comedy This is a heartfelt message That you can give to our fans So please The floor is yours A public service announcement from Rudy.
Into your camera. Hello, everyone.
Not a good opening. You got to have something stronger than hello, everyone.
Like what? From your heart. Maybe go European, like different language.
That's right. European? Yeah.
Why don't you say it in Filipino? What's the language?

Pisaya.

Go in and say it in Pisaya.

Let's hear it.

Hello, my brother.

Rudy or Jules.

I'm a good one.

Sounds like a drunk Hawaiian.

Let me finish Tiny bubbles Tiny bubbles In the white Go ahead I'm going to go Thankful And I'm not going to do it Coconut I heard coconut. They love coconut.
And yeah, bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Is there no bye-bye in Philippines? What's goodbye? What's goodbye? There is a word, but I just say goodbye. I forgot.
Do people, do adults say bye-bye to each other? In the Philippine language, like in that language, right,

do you guys use American words because you just didn't create?

Like what words?

Hospital?

Is that?

Emergency room?

Do you just say emergency room?

Yeah.

You'll just say emergency room.

They don't have a word for emergency?

I think there is, but it's like a deeper meaning. It's a deep cut.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to really be a fan of the language what are some american words that everyone has to use because you didn't make one because you guys are lazy there is it's just a harder word a harder word to say yeah it's your it's your language that doesn't make sense yeah but in school they taught us english so yeah my dad, right, growing up, he would go, you go, turn off air con.
Air con? Yeah. Air conditioner.
Right. Air con.
Orangey. What's orangey? Orange juice.
Oh, is that what an orange is? I don't know. Orangey.
He would go, orangey. I'll give him orange juice.
I like that a lot. I got to tell you, I wish we said that.
Yeah. So there's just certain words that he would like, you know.
He would just shorten up and throw in there. Like I remember like I went to my friend Craig Crawford's house.
Yeah. And his stepdad, like we were going out one night.
You and his stepdad were going out? No, no, no. But Craig and I were going out.
Oh. So stepdad, you know how white families, they'll sit down with their son.
He's like, hey guys, so so I know you guys are going to a party. But make sure you have my number.
Don't drink and drive. Don't drink and drive.
You can always call me. Always call me.
I'm here all night. You know what I mean? Totally be safe.
Wear your seatbelt, the whole thing, right? Right. So I remember one time Craig came to my house.
And my dad, his speech was this. Don't do.
Don't do? That speech was this don't do don't do that's it don't do don't do and was Craig like we won't do it we won't do we won't do it don't don't do don't which is so ambiguous because it's like now anything he doesn't want you to do anything yeah but if I do anything it could be the thing that he didn't want us to do. Of course, that's why he did it.
So, like, what did you do tonight? We went to McDonald's. I told you not to do! Right? And just slapped me.
Would he ever slap Craig? Do you think he ever would hit one of your friends? No. Well, my brother, so my dad, my brother Steve was with his friend David Oliver.
Uh-huh. And my dad, my brother had gotten this Casio keyboard thing it was a sampler so you go hello so they're just in my brother's room playing this thing laughing and they were a little too loud my dad was taking a nap so my dad ran to the room shut up completely naked boy! Right? Completely naked.
Right? He takes the Casio keyboard, right? Slams it on my brother's head. No.
Keys are just flying. Right? And then here's the best part.
Here's the best part. Yeah.
Throws it down. Now it's just wires.
My brother's crying. He turns around and David and Oliver, my brother, almost, they almost got murdered because what they found on my dad was the funniest thing they had ever seen what my dad had toilet paper sticking out like a Korean like a kite out of his ass because my dad always had had really moist ass cheeks.
He would sleep with this toilet paper. In his ass? So he turned around and then like my brother was crying.
But then they tried to cover because they didn't want to get beat again because it was so funny. Wait.
Your dad would just put toilet paper in his butt cheeks at night? Right in his fucking ass cheeks. Do you have to do that? No.
But I do have a leaky thing like he does. You do? Yeah.
It's hereditary. Yeah.
Why don't you sleep at night with a diaper or a pad? I don't refuse to do it. Why? You're going to get older.
It's going to get worse. No, I have shit stains.
You do? Yeah. Do most of your underwear has poop stains? Yeah.
Right now? Me on these. We talked to the...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do have a lot of shit stains.
But it's hereditary. I don't know if that is.
Well, you think that I don't finish shitting or I don't want to wipe?

No, I don't think you wipe properly.

It's not finished shitting. Dude, I do.

Hello, Tushy.

Wait, do you use baby wipes?

Don't be insulting.

Okay, dude.

You told me that you have shit in your underwear.

Listen.

You're 50.

I'm telling you right now.

My 50-year-old friend just told me he has poop streaks in his underwear what do you want

me to do i'm inquiring i'm telling you right now chacho right that it's hereditary it's not

pete google is poop streak is is is a leaky anus hereditary yes yes i do is a leaky anus

hereditary google loves this fecal incontinence you don't have fecal incontinence i fecal

incontinence no you don't that's the name of your next special fecal incontinence

Thank you. It is hereditary.
Google loves this. Fecal incontinence.
You don't have fecal incontinence. I have fecal incontinence, man.
No, you don't. It's intercontinent.
That's the name of your next special, fecal incontinence, by the way. Bobby's album.
Fecal incontinence is an inability to control bowel movements. That's not true.
You can control all that. And forces feces to leak unexpectedly from the rectum.
You don't have that. I do.
I 100% have that. That's old people, dude.
That's like people in their 70s and 80s. I have it, dude.
You do? You think you're fecally incontent?

100% I have it.

Really?

Yeah.

I don't have a good diet, too.

I think that's what it is.

No, no.

Bad diets don't just make you poop out of nowhere.

Well, if you eat like Reese's peanut butter cups.

Love.

And acai bowls every day.

That's all you eat?

Yeah.

It'll happen.

What did you eat today?

Acai bowl.

I swear on my mother's life. That's all you've had?

I swear on my mother's life.

What do you eat for the day? Eggs. That's all you had today was eggs.
Rice. Rice.
Yeah. And greens.
What? Salad? Yeah. That's not a bad diet.
Acai bowl and Reese's Pieces is not, you can't, dude. I have.
I know. And I will.
I have and I will. Okay, speaking of which.
Yeah. Your 50th birthday is coming up.
Yeah. We have to do something important.
I'm going to be a big party. I know, but we have to do a Bad Friends thing.
So we all decided without Bobby, right in, and we're going to pick a winner to come party with Bobby for his 50th birthday, one of the Bad Friends fans. More than one.
Let's do ten. How many people do you want? Let's do a ten.
How about this? Yeah. Let's do a competition.
10 fans. 10 bad friends fans.
If they live in California. Southern California.
Southern California. Yeah.
You can come up and we'll get your mask and you have to be also vaccinated. Sure.
You have to have your vaccination card. Yeah.
Wait, wait. They don't have to live here.
They have to live close enough where they can get here on their own. And if you want to fly, if you will fly here, then fly here.

For Bobby's 50th.

For my 50th.

Because I'm going to have one party.

Should I just invite them to my big party?

A hundred percent.

So I'm going to have a big party where I'm going to have all the comics there and some actors and a lot of Filipinos. Can you imagine how this is going to be so big for them?

What do they have to do to get to your 50th birthday party? they know what they have to do that's all i have to say huh they know what they have to do you're not gonna give them an email or anything so that how do they submit oh yeah they have to submit that's true you have to find out somehow some way that they want to come to your 50th birthday party do we want them to send in a video explaining why they deserve to come to the to the party yeah have a good example why i want to party with bobby at gmail.com because i want to feel like you're a real fan well we need to know i need passion right right and i need um because i don't want you to show up and like you know what's your favorite episode or whatever and like only seen two i don't want that you know you want a die i want somebody that's seen every week right you know i mean also somebody that um will give us like helpful advice in terms of how we can improve the show yeah okay and what we need to keep doing okay yeah yeah just different things but the top thing is positive analysis you got to explain why you think you deserve to come to Bobby's 50th birthday birthday. Because that's monumental, dude.
It's a half a century. It's huge.
That's huge. Yeah.
So hopefully the email will be, Iwantapartywithbobby at gmail.com. If it's not, we'll put the real one right here on the screen.
They'll find out. Yeah, yeah.
The real one will be right here right now. Yeah.
And we'll let you know what it is. And do you think 10's a lot?

10 seems like way too many.

I said one.

Yeah, let's make it be 10.

Well, how about let Rudy pick?

I think 10 is fine.

All right, 10's fine.

Yeah, but it's going to be, here's how about this?

We'll do four.

You can bring a guest.

Ah, that makes sense.

You plus one.

You plus one.

I like that.

Right, because you want to go there alone. That would be five.

But that would be five.

Oh, yeah, so do five.

Five plus one is 10. Plus one is 10.
Yeah. And also just the person that you bring, right, just don't bring any crazies.
Don't bring any crazies, dude. In fact, I want to know in the video who you're going to bring.
That's fun. Explain why you're bringing the person.
Why you're bringing the person, right? That's really good. I need a little bit of a pitch.
That's what they're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. He's a Christian, right? He plays badminton for this call, whatever it might be.
You love badminton players. I love badminton.
That's a big thing. That's going to be at the party.
We're going to have badminton at the party. Yeah, yeah.
And then I'm probably going to do it at a restaurant. We need a room.
We need like a banquet room for it. No, I want a restaurant.
I'll rent out a restaurant. I know.
You've got to rent the whole thing. I will.
Mastro's? No, something like weird.

Obscure.

Obscure and weird, but good food.

Chili's.

But a place that we...

No.

No, man.

Chili's is great.

A good place.

Chili's is great.

Like, how about like Morton's, but like one of those...

The Palm.

We think we can get that.

It's so expensive.

So what?

Yeah.

You know what we'll do?

What?

We'll take it from the Rudy Fund. We'll take the money from the Rudy Fund.
She'll never know. Right.
How will she know? She doesn't even know what's in there right now. Let's take money from the Rudy Fund.
What's the date? It's August. Today is August.
Today is not. We're August already.
It's next month. Yeah, dude.
That's what I'm saying. We've got to make a reservation now.
Now. We need to get on this right now.
Oh, we do have to do it. Yes, 100%.
And do invites. Yeah, dude.
Yeah. We got to do it saying We gotta make a reservation now Oh we do have to do it And do invites Yeah dude We gotta do a big we have to start now Yeah who do I invite Who do I invite to your party Yeah just name some people Griffin for sure Eric Me Whitney Cummings.
Rudy. Yeah.

Okay, Rudy.

Right.

Hey.

Pete.

Yeah, those guys come.

Pete.

Yeah, I like them.

Pete, please submit a video to I Want to Party with Bobby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe a video.

Got it.

Yeah.

I want Pete to make a video.

What about fans?

Yeah, for sure.

And PD?

Who's PD?

Pink Dick.

Yeah, he has to.

Okay, fine.

Yeah.

He can come.

All right, so outside of that, who else? Some comics. Probably some actors.
I'm going to highball it, too. Who famous? I'm going to try for Jordan Peele.
He won't be able to do it. He'll never do it.
Yeah. I'm going to try for- Jamie Lee Curtis.
Never. She'll never do it.
She'll never come. I'm going to try for- Keegan will come.
No, he won't. Won't come.
Will not come. Sasso.
He'll come. He'll come.
Yeah. You make a big list.
In my head, I'm like, what women? A lot. Nikki Glaser.
All the podcast people like Burt Kreischer, Tom Segura, all those types of people. Burt won't come.
He will. I'm saying he's on the road.
Those guys are all on the road. And Segura lives in Austin now.
Gone. Joe Coyle invite.
Would you invite Joe Rogan? He's not in town. But I dare you to invite him.
I will invite him. Invite him and see if he'll come for your 50th birthday.
I talked to him a couple days ago. All right.
Name female comics that you want there. A lot of my openers, like Jay Catapretta.
Yeah. Nicole Amy Shriver, who opened for me.
Annie Letterman. Yeah.
Nicole Amy Shriver. She just opened for me this weekend.
How great she is. So funny.
Yeah. I would go for Mark Maron, Bill Burr, those types of guys.

Yeah, they won't come.

Bill Burr, definitely.

Dude, you think I'm going to come to your fucking 50th birthday party?

I got fucking two kids an old dude.

I went to his.

To Bill's?

Yeah.

Yeah, but he's more famous than you.

Yeah, he's not going to come.

I'm going to invite him.

Yeah, but I know he's going to throw it right in the trash.

Yeah.

Imagine he'll get the email and he won't even open it. Pauly Shore.
Pauly will have to be there i think he'll work there i think he should he should serve drinks yeah it'll be a you'll know people can i be honest with you we should have a dinner for our family like our close the close people yeah and your party should should be at the comedy store no be in the main the main room. I'm doing a 300-man party at a restaurant.
Okay, fine. Okay.
Anyway, thank you for- Submit. Bob? Yeah, I love you.
Submit, guys, Iwantapartywithbob at gmail.com. What does this come out in a couple weeks? Two weeks.
Okay. Yeah.
And then so we'll find out who submits those videos. Excited to see that.
I'm so excited. I'm so excited.
All right, Rudy, sign us off in,

what's the language again?

Mishaya.

Mishaya.

Go ahead.

Thank you for being a bad friend

in Pishaya on the camera there.

Salamat for being a bad friend.

No, no.

As-salamu alaykum.

No, you can't

As-salamu alaykum

alaykum salam in here.

Salamat.

How do you,

what does salamah mean?

Thank you.

How do you say bad?

Naughty, negative, no, wrong.

I know!

Salamat.

Sapa geeking.

Sapa geeking is bad?

Type this up so we can read this.

We want to do it together.

I don't know what's bad friend in Visaya.

Oh, God.

You have friend.

You don't know, Pete. What's friend? What's friend? Miga.
Miga. Miga or Migo.
Migo or Miga. Go to translate.com.
Batinga. Ah, ah.
Salamat. Batinga, Migo or Miga.
How do you not know your own language? It's so sad. It's hard to translate.
Thank you for being a bad friend. Let's see if it comes close.

Yeah, thank you for being a bad friend.

All right, see if this is close, Rudy.

All right, the machine says,

That's Tagalog, though.

All right, fine.

Then fucking go to Google Translate Pizza so we can get her the one that she needs.

Google Translate.

All right, what is it called?

Visayan.

V with a V?

Yeah.

Okay, see it there?

Thank you. Google Translate, Pete, so we can get her the one that she needs.
Google Translate. All right, what is it called? Visayan.
V with a V? Yeah. Okay, see it there? No.
Nothing. Wow, it's not there.
That's how much they do. It's a language only one island says, right? A couple of islands.
All right, what's the closest? Tungalu? Tagalog, yeah. Go to that.
Try that one. That's fine.
Sorry. It's up there.
First top. So we'll just have to do it in Tagalog.

Because you don't even know your own language.

Oh, you don't like that?

No, it's fine.

No, no, no.

Stop.

Pete, type this.

Just type this in right where you're typing.

Tell him how to spell your version.

We want to do your justice.

Because Philippines won a gold medal.

This is the least we could do for the Philippines. Yeah, but the one that won might be speaking Tagalog.
So it's fine. K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k- we're going to do one language.
Yeah. Not every island gets their own fucking language.
No, it's so small anyway. Yeah.
Type this in.

It's like Vermont, Michigan,

all these states having a different language.

Okay, is that close?

Salamat is good.

Salamat.

Tell us how to say it.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Can you zoom in?

My eyes are blurred.

Where you go?

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat.

Salamat. pagiging masamang kaibigan

Great

That's great

So do that

And go

Go

Salamat sa pagiging masamang kaibigan

Great Yeah. Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.