Fancy Is Back!

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Speaker 1 So hey guys, we have some new merch. New merch.
This merch is very special. Yeah, it's special to us.
And it's going to help somebody that we love so much.

Speaker 1 And she's going to, she created a little written, a little monologue. A lot of monologue for it.
To pitch it. Go ahead.
So go ahead.

Speaker 2 Please buy.

Speaker 1 No. No, no, no.
What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Please buy the merch so I can pay for college and I can go to parties. Look sad.

Speaker 1 Look sad. Say, please buy.
If you don't buy, I don't have party and fun.

Speaker 2 If you don't buy, then I can't go to parties and I can't learn anything.

Speaker 1 Okay, show the shorts. Show the shirt and show the shorts.
Rudy, yeah.

Speaker 1 Go to badfriendsmerch.com and buy that stuff for Rudy Jules so she can go to parties and have fun. Also, I'm on tour, AndrewSantino.com.
I'm going everywhere. Everywhere.
AndrewSantino.com.

Speaker 1 Come see me, baby. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 3 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends. I was in a good mood coming here.
No, I'm being real. I was in a really good mood coming here where I was singing songs.
Be free together every day.

Speaker 1 Be free together. Right? And I was singing these songs I was making up.
Yeah. And I come in here, and as soon as you opened your mouth, it was like,

Speaker 1 I like how higher up you are in the chair now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did this no i didn't do it i didn't do it pete did it because he said i'm just bobby's getting longer he's getting wider this way and shorter this way

Speaker 1 i think the more you belly grow yeah the lower you go to the earth baby let's do some of these comedy

Speaker 1 pete pete what the fuck man come on dude the thing fell off the wall again oh shit sorry sorry sorry dude i asked him to screw oh god where's the remote

Speaker 1 i thought the screws would work that we had i'm snow they did I said, give me one eighth of an inch, and then what did you get me? I got the quarter inch. Yeah, you got a quarter inch, dude.

Speaker 1 It's not even that hard to do, Pete. No offense, but now we have to be at Home Depot in the middle of our shoot.

Speaker 1 I'll be better.

Speaker 1 Is that fancy? No way.

Speaker 1 No way.

Speaker 1 Fancy,

Speaker 1 fancy, get over here.

Speaker 1 What are you doing?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Hey guys. What are you doing here, fans?

Speaker 1 Well, you guys fired me from the show and I fell on hard times, but I'm working. Do you guys need any...
No, we don't need any. Yes, we need help at the show.

Speaker 1 Get in the car. Get back to the show.
Get in the car. I don't know.
Get in the car. Say goodbye to your friends and get in.
I would do it if you want, my friend.

Speaker 1 Okay, we could get him instead. You want me to get him? Okay, so I can.
Get in.

Speaker 1 Get in. Say goodbye.

Speaker 1 Astal La Wego.

Speaker 1 Fantas. Welcome back, Fancy Bee.
Fancy.

Speaker 1 But I have no.

Speaker 1 Are you excited?

Speaker 1 Fancy is back.

Speaker 1 Fancy. Fancy.
Fancy.

Speaker 1 Fancy

Speaker 1 with you. What? I didn't even know he was gone.
You didn't even miss him a little bit. I'm going to tell you the truth right now.
I didn't even know he was gone. Fancy, I missed you so very much.

Speaker 1 Rudy, did you miss the fans?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I missed you, Andreas.

Speaker 1 Thank you, guys. Yeah, I honestly, you know, I didn't know you were gone, so I didn't miss you.
But by seeing you now, it's good to see you again. Well, you definitely missed Fants.

Speaker 1 Well, when's the last time I saw him? Because all we had, well, we had Pete and Bryce, which is like...

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I understand that, but it's when I was, did Fancy leave after I got back from Hungary? Yeah. So I got back from Hungary.
Then he left. Who's gone, I think.
I think.

Speaker 1 And then for a couple of weeks, you were gone.

Speaker 1 Where'd you go? Where'd you go, bud? I went to Spain to see my family. Oh, for because you hadn't seen them in a long time.
In two years, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And what does Papa Andreas look like now?

Speaker 1 He looks good. He looks good.
How come you...

Speaker 1 How come you don't look good, Fancy?

Speaker 1 It's a joke. No, it skipped the generation.
Oh, it does. It skips the generation.

Speaker 1 It's always like really handsome, right? And then just ugly, ugly. And that's all.

Speaker 1 And then it goes back to handsome. He's a cutie patuti.
I missed him so very much. And also, I want to make it aware: Rudy's wearing her Rudy University shirt.
Rudy, show the shirt for the fans.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 These Rudy University shirts are available now, and Rudy is going to get this money for college. And what did we say? The money from the shirts is going for college.
No Coca-Cola. No Coca-Cola.

Speaker 1 In the nose. And the Coca-Cola in the nose.
None of the functions.

Speaker 1 If we find out that they're using the money for something else, you're done for, pal. We'll sue you.
And then

Speaker 1 also, you can't take the money and go on vacation with Diego.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Is this like popping off? You have a real relationship now with Diego?

Speaker 2 No, I don't have any.

Speaker 1 Can I tell you what happened, though? Yeah. So we were at the beach,

Speaker 1 right? And Diego's there selling coconut water. No, no, no.
Diego was there with his family. Selling coconut water.
Coconut water. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And some sort of weird mushroom that he collected. You know what I mean? And then, so he was there.
Ah, these are Chantrell. No, he was actually like a cute,

Speaker 1 very handsome. How tall? Young tall guy? 5'9, 5'10.

Speaker 1 Okay. Just like kind of got Kiano Reeves-y hair.
Oh, good, nice hair. Yeah, yeah.
And he just kind of comes up and he goes, Hey, dude, it's not my fault that you're famous. He comes to me.

Speaker 1 That's what he says. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a calm line. That's a great line.
Hey, man, it's not my fault you're famous. I got to get a photo, dog.
This guy's great. Great, right? I love this guy.

Speaker 1 I got half-hard. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Ooh. Right? Ooh.
So, you know, I'm looking at him and we take the photo and

Speaker 1 young, cute, and he just kind of walks away. Smooth.
He goes,

Speaker 1 he does a he goes, dives into the ocean. He does, he does these, you know, the butterfly.
Oh, he can swim. Yeah, this butterfly.
Does he swim? Is it something he does? I don't know.

Speaker 1 And you saw the back muscles shimmering in the ocean, right? Are you sure you're not into?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. And like, you know how

Speaker 1 the bathing suit gets wet so you can see the ass cheeks better?

Speaker 1 So he's doing strokes and the ass cheeks would come out. Sun would.
How old is this boy? Legal.

Speaker 1 Definitely legal, right?

Speaker 1 Ash cheeks would stick out of the water, right? And I would like, aye, right. And at one point, I didn't know where he went.
So I kind of just walked around the beach to locate him again. Yeah.

Speaker 1 There he is. Now he's on his back.
And, you know, his, not that I was looking, but his little pee-pee was sticking out of the ocean.

Speaker 1 Out of the ocean, right? And it was kind of like a buoy.

Speaker 1 To me, it was like a buoy. So I could follow the buoy.
It's bobbing. He bobbed through the water.

Speaker 1 Almost like a shark, like done, dun dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Anyway, um,

Speaker 1 then we're,

Speaker 1 what's it, crispy? What is that noise? Crunching. Fancy, your mic is.
You're chewing, or are you.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Turn your mic off. Fucking piece of shit.
Dude, you're a...

Speaker 1 This guy. This is what happened.
You're in the middle of a thing. Because he gets fired and he thinks...
now he thinks he's not safe. You're not safe.
You're not safe. You're not safe, dude.

Speaker 1 What are you eating into the microphone? You cannot fire me again. Oh, my favorite candy.
What is it? It's called Tonguitos. It's amazing.
Give it to me. Give it to us so you can't have it anymore.

Speaker 2 I want some.

Speaker 1 I feel like a teacher. Bring it into the office right now or you're going home, pal.

Speaker 1 Is it really your favorite candy? Is this real? What is it?

Speaker 1 Give it to Rudy.

Speaker 1 What is it called? called

Speaker 1 do you see it let me see it might be the most racist thing I've ever seen

Speaker 1 oh my god

Speaker 1 oh my god so the audience can see it at home oh my god

Speaker 1 fancy I mean yeah fancy yeah conquitos means what

Speaker 1 like let me just say something this do you want to guess

Speaker 1 could I also say this, right?

Speaker 1 It's like when

Speaker 1 they were designing the MMs, right? The little MMs, yeah, and they went to the brown MM,

Speaker 1 some guy said, just don't put red lips on it.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And Congito said,

Speaker 1 fuck it. You'll have to put red lips on it.

Speaker 1 Big red luscious lips on it. This couldn't be more racist.
It's the most racist thing I've ever seen. It's so funny.
Pete, bring up an image of Conguito so people can see.

Speaker 1 What is it? It's chocolate. What again? It's chocolate.
Yeah. It's peanuts.
Oh, it's just peanuts. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. This is a good chance.

Speaker 1 Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 Conquitos.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. Conquitos.

Speaker 1 The delicious racist treat. Oh my god.
Oh my god. Holy shit.
Would you like chocolate cover racism?

Speaker 1 Conquitos. I know.
I can't. That is insane.
But can I be honest with you? Yeah. These are so good.
So fucking worth it.

Speaker 1 Sometimes it's just like sometimes it's it's worth it that's how confident they are yeah right we're gonna put this racist thing but they'll still buy it you know like it's so fucking delicious

Speaker 1 they're so good they can be racist yeah yeah yeah fancy did you honestly like bring those in and make the noise so you could do that bit

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 such a good actor no

Speaker 1 no

Speaker 1 such a bad actor that is so funny though by the way because but i'm just saying this is the way it worked that worked to me. Now, thinking back.
It was perfect. So he's in Spain.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, he's at a store. He sees conquitos.

Speaker 1 How do you say 11?

Speaker 1 Once. Sieteon.
He's at the 7-Eleven there. The Cieteon.
And he looks at the thing. I think this will be good for Betfriends.
Oh, this is a good beat. Yeah, so he brings it back.

Speaker 1 He eats it live in front of us.

Speaker 1 He makes the rapper loud, turns up his mouth,

Speaker 1 eats like that. He does.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So I get out of how it works. But you know what? It worked for the program.
So. Thank you, fans.
One, two, three. Thank you, fans.
Thank you, fans. Rudy, I watched.

Speaker 1 Did you post on your story in Hawaii of you swimming with sharks? Yeah. Did you, why didn't you keep that video up?

Speaker 2 Oh, I just posted it on my story, not mine.

Speaker 1 It was so cool.

Speaker 1 Did you swim with sharks? I did it the last time. I didn't do it this time.
Oh, I looked so cool. It was scary.
Do you still have it on your phone, the video? I think.

Speaker 1 Send it to Pete and so we can show it. The time before that I did it, I was with Kalila and her sister.

Speaker 1 And there was one point where me and Cawinda, Kalila's sister,

Speaker 1 was clinging onto the boat like scared. Of sharks.
Yeah, because it's like they have all these rules, right? Like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 What were the rules? Don't lock eyes. Do you lock eyes with it or no? You have to lock eyes with it.
You lock eyes with it. So it knows that you're not as afraid of it.
Right.

Speaker 1 Then you have to be above it. Right? Is that one of them? Swim above.
You can't flounder. Flounder.

Speaker 1 What is it? Founder? Don't flounder. No, don't.
Don't be a cool little cute fish in the sea.

Speaker 1 Let's go.

Speaker 1 Don't move your limbs erratically. Yeah, but what is that word?

Speaker 1 Floundering. Floundering.

Speaker 1 Don't floundering. Whatever that is.
Don't flounder. Whatever that is.
Don't do that. Don't flounder.
But it's like, but let me say something.

Speaker 1 It's like that in the human world as well. You look people in the eye.
No, you do all those things. You stay above them.
You stay above them. And you don't.
Don't flounder, right?

Speaker 1 And then the human beings that you live amongst, right? They act accordingly, right? But you always have crazy ones. Yeah.
Right? You You always have the Dahmers.

Speaker 1 You have the guy that showed up Virginia Ted. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 A couple of

Speaker 1 loose sharks out there.

Speaker 1 So when you're out there, if they tell you the rules,

Speaker 1 that necessarily doesn't mean that you can't get eaten. Right.
There can be rogue. There can be rogue.
Right. So me and Quinda were out there, and one shark was looking up at us, and he goes, nah.

Speaker 1 Oh, he was over it. Yeah, I was doing all the things like this.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I just locked eyes on him and I could could see him go, nah.

Speaker 1 You know how they say that people, because a lot of times surfers get bit, they say, because it looks like a fish, because the surfboard is bowed like this. Yeah, yeah.
And then your arms are out.

Speaker 1 So it looks like the limbs of a turtle or a fish.

Speaker 1 For you, they look up, it looks like a perfect little dumpling, just floating, a beautiful little, like a piece of bow, you know, a piece of dim sum, just a beautiful piece of fried pork,

Speaker 1 veggies. You could have said something like, a seal.

Speaker 1 No. Like a pudgy seal.
I had to make it an Asian thing.

Speaker 1 I know. But you do look like a seal.
Thank you. No, but in a good way.
Yeah, yeah. And I probably don't look like the humans.
Like a regular,

Speaker 1 you know, like a lean, you know, shape. I kind of, you know what I mean? I do this like a turtle.
They think you're a turtle. Yeah, yeah.
So I'm out there like this. They think you're on a seal.

Speaker 1 So it's literally what they see, right?

Speaker 1 And I, and I'm doing this with my face. I'm scared, right?

Speaker 1 And then they're like, nah. So they, so one shark went up, and then Quinda and I went to the surface.
We clung onto the boat, and we tried to climb on the boat. Did it come near you, near you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was like right by our legs. Waiting for you to slip off.
So this time when they went, I was like, no. No, you're not doing it.

Speaker 1 You weren't scared at all, were you, Rudy?

Speaker 2 I was kind of scared, but when I got in.

Speaker 1 Just lie. Just lie.
Were you scared? No, I wasn't scared. Perfect.
Wait, you were a little bit scared when you first got in? Yeah. You were? Yeah, but when you were in the corner.

Speaker 1 What calmed you down?

Speaker 2 When I got in the water and I saw them, I just didn't care anymore.

Speaker 1 You just didn't feel threatened? No. Wow.

Speaker 1 This is true. Is this true? This is stupid.
I'm being a dumb guy. But is it true that they don't allow you to go in if you're on your period? Do they ask women if you're on your period?

Speaker 2 No, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter. Why? Blood, blood and water.
They can smell.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, but they can just smell any leakage of blood. Yeah, so if I have, like, I bite my nails.
Seriously, if there's blood in the water, they can smell. They can smell blood from miles away.

Speaker 1 I have, like, blood farts. Like, if I fart in the ocean.
A blood fart guys can't go in. That's their rules.
They said people with their periods, blood fart guys. And if you got a bunch of people.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's what it was. Because I always do blood farts.
In the water. In the water.
Well, that's what I'm doing. It makes a bubble, like a red bubble in the ocean.
So you're swimming

Speaker 1 and it's a red bubble. And the sharks go, yum.

Speaker 1 Oh, that guy's. Yeah, yeah.
I'll just gobble up the bubble. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Blood fart.

Speaker 1 Back to Diego. I thought you want to go back to Diego.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You thought I was going to go away from that. No, I knew we were going to.
He's a nice guy. We're not making fun of him, right? So he's, how old is he? 20, 21.
20 or 21. He was there with his family.

Speaker 1 He's from San Diego.

Speaker 1 So we go, Jules, Jules, he's in the always go swim, right? Because she said that he was cute. And yes, Diego, she thinks that you're cute.
Wake up. Wake up.
Obviously, she thinks you're cute.

Speaker 1 Also, Diego, right? Get a hint. She's the co-star of a very popular podcast.
No, no, no. The most popular podcast.
One of the most popular podcasts. The most popular podcast.

Speaker 1 Let's equate it to music back in the late 60s.

Speaker 1 We're. Mamas and the Papas.
With Bee Gees. We're the Bee Gees.
We're the Bee Gees. Right.
Right. And she's

Speaker 1 a sea star show. She's Maurice Gibbs.
100%. So who am I? You're Barry.
You're Barry. I'm Barry.
But you got to be Barry. Yeah, and you're...
I'm the one with the fucked-up face.

Speaker 1 You're the one with the fucked-up fest. Yeah, face.
Face face. The teeth.
With the teeth.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So, but you're Maurice, right? So we're the Bee Gees.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 she was too shy to do it. We kept pushing her.
Well, the pushing her is not going to make her go do it. But her sister came up.
Whose sister? Diego's sisters. Oh, Diego's sister.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, how old are they? Diego's sister was 23. Yeah, a little bit older, a little bit more confident.
Right, she just comes over and she goes, goes, my brother said that you were famous.

Speaker 1 I just don't know who the fuck you are. Ooh, a little cocky.
Yeah, but I liked it, though. Yeah, smooth.

Speaker 1 I liked it. I wanted to.
I didn't know who you are. My first reaction, I wanted to go,

Speaker 1 like that's right on the face.

Speaker 1 That, right, right.

Speaker 1 But I went, good. Good.
That was confident. Very good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So she says, my brother says you're famous. I don't know who you are.
And you say, yeah, bitch, I'm. No, I go,

Speaker 1 you have to play humble. So I go, yeah, not a lot of people do.

Speaker 1 It's a cult thing. It's so cute.
It's it's a cult thing.

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 Diego comes out of the water. Looking like a snack.
Oh, it's just wet. Looking like a conquitos.

Speaker 1 Looking like a chocolate. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 Here comes the conquitos. It was Diego, not Ian Edwards.

Speaker 1 All right. If it was, it was a cookie.
Yeah. Okay.
So it was Diego, not Devon.

Speaker 1 Right. All right.
So he comes up and they exchange information.

Speaker 1 Right? Are you embarrassed right now? No. I'm being genuine when I say this.
How does this go in your generation now? When you say, is it right away, like, let me get your number?

Speaker 1 Or is it like, let me get your Instagram? Or how does that work? Instagram. Yeah, it's Graham.
See, that's so funny. Instagram.
Like, but our generation,

Speaker 1 it was always like, can I have your, you'd have to ask the girl for her number. Your home number.
Right. Can I have your home number? Can I have your home phone number?

Speaker 1 Right, you can never get them at home either. Right.

Speaker 1 You would call 20 times a day. This is what happened.
Literally. It was a,

Speaker 1 and the dad would answer, hello. Hang up immediately.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They would hang up immediately. Uncomfortable.
I was so scared. Or I always wanted like an answering machine.

Speaker 1 I loved answering machine. Right.
And then here's the thing. I would leave a message, like if I met a girl,

Speaker 1 and then I wouldn't leave the house for three days. Just waiting for them to kill that.

Speaker 1 Dude, this is self-defense. Back then, you had no postmates or anything like that, right? No.
So you'd just be sitting there. You're like, I'm not going to eat food for a day and a half.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you won't even go to the other room because you'll miss the call. I can't miss this call.
Yeah. So you're just staring at the phone for like 24 hours.
God, that's so funny.

Speaker 1 You guys will never know that feeling of like when you leave a a message so if i called a girl and her mom answered then i could handle it right but if the dad answered or the or the brother oh oh my god i'd throw the fucking phone yeah yeah the brother's like what's up i'm like fuck this i would hang up immediately yeah because the brothers already hated you they hated you so you weren't gonna be like hey man what's up because they're like what did people what do you want what did people do when they were like

Speaker 1 late for work

Speaker 1 You just

Speaker 1 in the car, right? You were just allowed to be late. Are you sure? Well, then you'd show up and you'd go, sorry, I was late.
There was an accident.

Speaker 1 And because they couldn't check it on social media, they were like, oh, there must have been an accident. Oh, you could say anything.
You got away with everything. Yeah, there was a gigantic lizard.

Speaker 1 Like, I thought it was Godzilla at first, but. And everybody, your boss was like, wow, lizards are out again.

Speaker 1 Well, good luck in the office.

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Speaker 1 I remember going to the movie theater. I never forget.
I was meeting my friends, Matt, Brent,

Speaker 1 Sean at the movie theater, and

Speaker 1 something was miscommunicated, the timing or something, right?

Speaker 1 I get there, nobody's there. Yeah.
Nobody's there.

Speaker 1 My mom dropped me off.

Speaker 1 This is the thing. I couldn't text mom, come back.
No, I'm there alone. Yeah.
At the movie theater, what did I do? I watched the movie by myself.

Speaker 1 I went in and I watched the movie. And then when I came up, my mom picked me up and she's like, how was it? I was like, nobody was here.

Speaker 1 I was here by myself. And then I realized when I got home, I called them and they're like, no, tomorrow.
We're going tomorrow. Okay, I already saw it.

Speaker 1 So now it's, oh, I can't go. There was no way to go, oh, shit, we screwed up.
It's tomorrow. No, you just have to like live through those moments.

Speaker 1 Were you around when

Speaker 1 you got auditions, you had to show up at your agency to get the sides? Please. And also, you had to fucking do the stupid like slate videos in their office and hand them a headshot.

Speaker 1 You'd have to go get your headshots, print it out, hand them the headshots, stand there, and they would take photos and you just gave them a fucking photo. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they would do a video of you going, hi, a six foot one, and then turn to the side and then turn to the side. And then you'd give them all your shit, read your shit, and then get out.
Well,

Speaker 1 my agency had a filing cabinet in an alleyway outside the agency. And they would say, you know, the office is closed, but go to the filing cabinet.

Speaker 1 So then you would show up, you would drive all the way to Beverly Hills or wherever. Right.
You'd wait in line with other actors. To get the sides.
To get the sides.

Speaker 1 And some guy doesn't know his last name, Jentowski. Where's the J? You know what I mean? And then

Speaker 1 you'd spend two hours doing this. That's insane.
And then you would get it finally. And your line is, yes, I can.
Or whatever it is. It's like one line.
And then you're just like,

Speaker 1 super salad. And then

Speaker 1 you don't get it either. Of course you're not going to get it.
You show up the next day. You don't get it.
It's the worst.

Speaker 1 Those days are all gone. Now you have the easiest convenience of let me get your Instagram.
So he gets your gram back to Diego, our favorite conquitos.

Speaker 1 So he gets your Instagram and you go, hit me up on the gram and I'll talk to you later. And then he goes away.
Yeah. You weren't chatting a little bit?

Speaker 2 He just asked if I was related to Tito Bobby.

Speaker 1 And you said yes. Yeah.
And then that's what else? We're not.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but for the, but for this, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 Oh, but in certain, in circumstances, some circumstances, you use that. Of course.
But in other circumstances, you don't. Like, we're at a restaurant, and I'll go, that's my daughter.

Speaker 1 And she'll go, no, he's not, we're not blood related. She'll just say that out loud.
I don't know. I just happen to live with that.
You know what I mean? She goes into an explanation.

Speaker 1 But when it comes to fucking Diego, you go, yeah, we're related. I get it.
I totally get it. You got to use it to your advantage.
You would do the exact same thing.

Speaker 1 Anyway, they've been doing messages back and forth. Okay, so you DM.

Speaker 1 Instagram. No, but no phone number exchange yet.
No, just DM. Right.
Does it ever go to phone number or no? I don't know. She doesn't know how to do it.
That's what we're going to have.

Speaker 1 Is this the first time DMing with a boy like this? Kind of. Ooh.
Yeah. He lives in San Diego.

Speaker 1 So I was telling her to just go. Here's something Rudy doesn't know.
We've hacked your phone. We're going to bring up the DMs, Pete.
We have them right here. We'd like to read them out loud.
Yeah. No.

Speaker 1 But what she has to do is take a risk and go,

Speaker 1 at least, hey, if you're ever in L.A., let's hang out. Something like that.
Or invite him up to L.A. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Why don't you invite him up? Be like, come up here and... Let's watch a movie or have dinner on a movie.
Would you do that?

Speaker 1 No, it doesn't seem like that. Can you do this? And this would really show me

Speaker 1 if you think we're blood related and we're really close,

Speaker 1 that means trust. And there's like a

Speaker 1 bond of trust that you and I have. And it would really show me a lot if you just gave me your Instagram right now.
No.

Speaker 1 I guess there's no trust. No trust.
And just listen.

Speaker 1 And we won't, I promise you, we won't send it until we get your okay.

Speaker 1 The message. I think that's, let's do it.
Yeah, yeah. I don't trust you.
No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

Speaker 1 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, just do it, Rudy. Rudy, just do it.
Rudy, I promise you, I promise you, I won't send it. This is for the show.
And if I send it, how about this?

Speaker 1 If I do send it without your approval, we keep mama. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Now she wants you to send it.
Yeah, yeah. All right, so throw the DM over there.

Speaker 1 And we're not going to to be able to put it up to show the fan, so you have to dictate everything because we can't show it. I'll dictate.
I'll dictate it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wait, don't start deleting stuff now. I won't.
Go hand him the phone. Yeah, give me the phone.
This is great. This is a breakthrough moment for you guys.
I know. Bring it over here.

Speaker 1 All right, slow down. Slow down.
You don't want to be that kind of parent.

Speaker 1 Give me the fucking thing.

Speaker 1 When are you not in pajamas, by the way? I know.

Speaker 1 I send that earlier. I'll wear some adult clothes.
So we need to buy you some clothes.

Speaker 1 I just wear one thing that makes me want to vomit already.

Speaker 1 Do you want me to do it so it's less harmful for you? Because she knows I'm not going to text him. No, no.
I just want to say, you just said George is the best.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What does that even mean? So you're lying? I like George. He's not the best.
He's not even close to being the best. Yeah, he's middle.
He's fine. He's okay.
He's fine. He's normal.

Speaker 1 George is the best. I want to see what you type in it.
He's not going to type anything yet. Can I just say this right now? And time out real fast.

Speaker 1 George has 16,000 followers. I want to say this for my fans right now because Fancy and I went to lunch today.
Yeah, yeah. George has 16,000.
Fancy has 15.9.

Speaker 1 He is about to pass George on Instagram, and you know how mad George is going to be.

Speaker 1 Please follow Fancy B. Please follow Fancy.
And we'll put it right down here. It's Fancy B period one.
Fancy B period one. Please follow Fancy.
We love you. I do, dude.
So I just want to.

Speaker 1 This is the kind of, she's playing a game. What?

Speaker 1 Just let me finish. Don't cut this out if you're too uncomfortable about it, all right? Bob, we're not going to cut it out i know so i just want to so at 1252

Speaker 1 today

Speaker 1 right p.m p.m today post meridian he goes

Speaker 1 how does it feel like to be back in la

Speaker 1 how does it feel like to be back in l.

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 1 no response from her let's hear what it sounds like from a spaniard what is it let's hear how he would say it go ahead fans how does it feel to be back in la rudy right okay no response from her oh cold so now he's kind of waving around

Speaker 1 he's like ah no response so he gives another thing. Uh-oh, Diego.
Diego. Oh, Diego.
Oh, Diego. Actually, how long have you been in LA for?

Speaker 1 Let's hear it, fans.

Speaker 1 How long have you been in LA for? Oh, it sounds desperate.

Speaker 1 So desperate. It's so desperate.
Right? So, and then you haven't responded back. Why not?

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 I just don't want to yet. We're really blowing up your spot.

Speaker 1 So let's. Respond then.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because you know,

Speaker 1 by the way, we're not making fun of Diego or your Demo exchange. And if if it was very private, we would never talk about it on the show.

Speaker 1 That being said, we're showing Diego live on a show how rude you are for not responding. Rude.

Speaker 1 No, that is rude. Yeah, it's so rude.
So rude.

Speaker 1 Let's respond, Bob.

Speaker 1 How long have you been in L.A.? How about, like,

Speaker 1 you know, for a while, but I haven't really met anyone quite like you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, for a while.

Speaker 1 Well, make a

Speaker 1 while. Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 1 Make a joke first. All right.
Make Make a joke first. Like

Speaker 1 the boat sunk after I got over here. So something like that.

Speaker 1 How long have you been in LA?

Speaker 1 Long enough. They'll say like 80 sons or something like that.

Speaker 1 80 sons. Make like a child.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 A really lame mister. 80 sons.
No,

Speaker 1 how long have you been in LA?

Speaker 2 Almost three years.

Speaker 1 Three years? Three years, but it feels like.

Speaker 1 No, don't say three years.

Speaker 1 Look, three years is what? 365 times three is say over a thousand sons

Speaker 1 or over a thousand sons over a thousand sons let's see if he gets that yeah a thousand sons

Speaker 1 over a thousand sons because in the philippines that's how they refer to a day as a son now do i have my permission to yeah to send this over a thousand sons over a thousand sons

Speaker 1 i could have to do so much damage control i sent it all right over a thousand sons over a thousand sons and since he did two what are you what do you do i agree i agree you know i agree i think it should be back to back.

Speaker 1 Tip for tat. Tip for tat.
And because now, and you should say, now you're going to answer the first question. And the first question was, what? Can I, you did a thousand sons.

Speaker 1 I wanted to do my own message, right? Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Yo, son. Yo, son.
You looked hella rip on that beach.

Speaker 1 BTW.

Speaker 1 BTW. Yo, son.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no. BTW.
What's BTW? By the way. Oh, by the way.
BTW, you looked hella rip. Yeah, by the way, you looked hella ripped.
Hella ripped.

Speaker 1 Looked

Speaker 1 hella

Speaker 1 ripped on the beach. D-Ripped.
On the beach. And then what's another good phrase?

Speaker 1 Beach. Cuz.

Speaker 1 What do you say? Cuh, cuz. C-U-H is cuh.
It's like bruh. It's like a name.
K-U. K-C-U-H.
Cuh, K-C-U-H. Yeah.
C-U-H. You look hella ripped.
Let's read it.

Speaker 1 By the way, you look hella ripped on the beach, cuh.

Speaker 1 Can I send it? Yeah. Yes.
What? Yes. You want me to say Haga sent that?

Speaker 1 She's having fun. Yeah, they're having fun.
By the way, I sent it.

Speaker 1 This doesn't mean I'm keeping fucking the dog because it's sending it if, you know what I mean, if you disapprove. Yeah, if it's a good thing.
So we did two.

Speaker 1 He goes, how does it feel to be back in LA space? Actually, how long have you been in L.A. for? And you said.
Over a thousand sons.

Speaker 1 By the way, you looked hella ripped.

Speaker 1 Give it back.

Speaker 1 Rudy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's never going to respond to that. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Shit. The arm broke.
Wait, when does this air? Let's give it up for Rudy, by the way, first of all. Great job.

Speaker 1 When does this air? The 2nd. Monday, the 2nd.

Speaker 1 August 2nd.

Speaker 1 August 2nd.

Speaker 1 You're fine with the thing? Yeah. All right.
August 2nd. What's why? What's wrong? What was it? What? There was something.
Was there a problem?

Speaker 1 But no, here's what she's going to do now, though, is this. I broke

Speaker 1 his arm.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 It was already broken. And it's all the way over there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so the third message, she's going to send a third message, and she's going to go, that was just, those last two messages were from Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee. No, but at least

Speaker 1 let's see if he can play with it. Like, let's see if he at least has fun.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let it sit for a second. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Because you can do that third message, even if he doesn't respond and he thinks it's weird three hours from now. And then he'll be like, oh,

Speaker 1 keep the DM open to see if he's seen it. Okay.

Speaker 1 And just let us know if anytime during the podcast. Wait, wait, it shows you that you can see it? It says seen.
Yeah. I don't know.
Yeah, I know, because when I text you, it says read. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you pretend like you didn't know. And I was like, I saw you read it.

Speaker 1 I saw you read it.

Speaker 1 I think I'm a weasel. Yeah.
No, no, no. Let's be real.
Am I? Kind of. What are you talking about? Well, let's take a vote.
Let's take a studio vote. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, Rachel.

Speaker 1 We'll come in here. No, they can do it from wherever.
No, I want to see their faces. All right.
Come in here.

Speaker 1 I have to turn this on. It's so hot in here.
I'm so sweaty.

Speaker 1 Are you warm now? Yeah. You were cold there.
Yeah, yeah. All right.
Okay. Well, we're not going to be able to see them on camera, but you just want to be able to.
I want to see their faces, right?

Speaker 1 All right, get in here, Pete. Fans.

Speaker 1 Pete, I'm looking at you right now, bud. And before you even answer, I have to say, you know what I mean? I have to say, it's been a pleasure working with you.

Speaker 1 He called you a weasel right away. Okay, you can leave.
No, no, no, no, no. Let him stay.
Let him stay. No, he already said a thing.
Let him stay.

Speaker 1 This is a real confession. I want to hear the real deal, Holyfield.
So,

Speaker 1 you know, it's been a pleasure working with you. You show up here on time.
You do a a really good job. And, you know, here's another thing that you do:

Speaker 1 you have a trustworthy kind of energy about you. Like, I feel safe.
I feel like Rudy's safe. We're all safe in

Speaker 1 your presence. And I just think that I'd really like to work with you for the rest of my life.

Speaker 1 Am I a weasel? You know what? You got caught up in it. Happens to anybody.
No. Thank you.
Dismissed. That's a no from people.
Thank you, dismissed. Thank you.
I'm going to change my answer.

Speaker 1 Okay, sit there, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, I think that

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 exchange we do back and forth and the energies exchange, it's like two people, two souls that's been doing that for eternity.

Speaker 1 It really does feel like okay. All right, it's like we were sort of you're my ying and I'm your yang.
You know, we're you're more of a, yeah, you are more of a yang, I guess.

Speaker 1 You have to say it that.

Speaker 1 No, no, I've always thought I was very much of a a yang. I've been more yingy.
You've been so much more yang.

Speaker 1 You're more yang than any yin I've ever met. But here's the thing.
He's super yang as well. He's remarkably amazing.
He's a high money. Yeah, so if he's more yang than I am, I have to be the yin.

Speaker 1 I got to tell you, you're a lot of yang. We're both yangs.
Okay, fine.

Speaker 1 That's why. Yeah, yeah.
And that is why I think that since I feel like we've been doing this eternity, our souls, and that we're two pieces in a pot, as I say.

Speaker 1 And I feel like I've known you forever, and I just really think that I feel comfortable with you as well more than that fat piece of shit that was just in here. Whoa,

Speaker 1 whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 Ask him already. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, come on. The buffalo with tits that was in here.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Come on. I'm sorry.
Ask the question. Ask him.
Do you think I am a weasel?

Speaker 1 Come. I don't really know the meaning of that word.
Oh, that's great. He's using the cop out of the second language.

Speaker 1 That's really smart.

Speaker 1 You got to let him go on that. Yeah, you're dismissed.
Good luck. Thank you, fans.
Thank you. Yeah, I think I have weasel.
You're not a weasel dude.

Speaker 1 No, because I've done stuff like you have weasel tendencies for sure. No, I did that at the store once.
What? I did a big weasely thing. What'd you do?

Speaker 1 So I was at the store, and we had this Thai manager.

Speaker 1 You never met him. And his name was Kirk.
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 The guy that ended up owning that restaurant down in Santa Monica?

Speaker 1 Didn't he open up a Thai place down in Santa Monica? Yeah, that's on him. That was Tony.
Tony. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. So Kirk was this, like, he was in the Thai military.
Oh.

Speaker 1 So if you showed up a minute late, you're fired. I love it.
If you went over your time, you never got spot again. Wow.
Like, he was militant. Legit.
Legit. I like it.

Speaker 1 But nobody liked working with him. Because he was just too much.
Yeah, everyone hated him. And so, but that was a time when I wasn't getting any spots because the talent coordinator didn't like me.

Speaker 1 Who? I can't tell you. Fine.

Speaker 1 Tommy. No, way before Tommy.
No, I was just filling. That's funny.

Speaker 1 So, so, and everyone hated Kirk, but Kirk, because I was Asian, Kirk would walk up to me and go, Hey, buddy, you want some time? He loved you. And I'd go, You put me up there?

Speaker 1 I'll do well for you, for you, anything. Oh, he loved you.
He really loved me. So you would put me up.
It would enrage everybody. Why? Why? You weren't good enough yet?

Speaker 1 That was okay, but it's like you didn't deserve the spots yet. Not really.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's fine. Every time, someone was late, Bobby, come over here.
You want to go up? Do something. Do something.
Hey, that's Asian privilege.

Speaker 1 Asian privilege, right?

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 Eleanor and the whole staff, even the comics, all wrote a petition. No! To get Kirk fired.
Because you were getting sneakers. No, no, because he just didn't like them.
They just hated him.

Speaker 1 They hated them. Okay.
But when I caught wind of this petition,

Speaker 1 I went to the top. Oh, you went to Mitzi? Holy shit.
And Paulie, the whole family. Oh, wow.
You're just rushing your weight around. To rat these insubordinates.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 What were you ratting on them about? I was warning them about

Speaker 1 this list of people them signing. And then I was like, I was also, Crook's a great guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like a weasel. You are a little weaseless.
Because I'm a survivor. You are? I'm trying to survive, right? Cockroach.
But then everyone found out that I did that. Yeah.
Of course.

Speaker 1 And then everyone for years hated me.

Speaker 1 For years no one would say hi to me. Who hated you the the most? Eleanor.

Speaker 1 Does she hate you now? No, we love each other. But she did.
There's a deep love now.

Speaker 1 What got her over the hump? Like, what made her stop hating you?

Speaker 1 I don't know what happened.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that happened over 20 years ago. A long time.
Right?

Speaker 1 So she didn't talk to me for 20 years. Holy shit.
In fact, when I saw her in the hallway, I'd have to go around. Because she could beat the shit out of you about it.

Speaker 1 Not that it was just the shit, her energy. She could beat the shit out of you.
That's what it was. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So one day, um, maybe three years ago, there was a party, like a like a Christmas party, or and I was downstairs, you know, where the podcast room is at the comedy store. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And a bunch of people were down there. And I walked in.
I didn't know Eleanor was there. And then there were so many people there.
I got just kind of got stuck. Nearly.
I couldn't get out.

Speaker 1 And then I turned around like this, and Eleanor's right here. Perfect.
Right.

Speaker 1 And she looks at me. And I look at her and she goes,

Speaker 1 Do you want to do a podcast? Oh.

Speaker 1 And I go, Yeah. It was all gone.
No, we had to do it on the podcast. Oh, you hashed it out on the podcast.
On the podcast, we hashed it out.

Speaker 1 But it was cathartic. It was great.
Oh, that's good. It was great.
But, you know, I have done a lot of weasly things in my life, but only out of survival.

Speaker 1 Right, it's fight or flight, and you're going to fight. You're fighting.
Yeah. You don't have a choice.
And I'm generally only like that when it comes to my career. Career, yeah.
That is true.

Speaker 1 I agree with you on that.

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Speaker 1 Rules and restrictions apply. But I'm sure you've done stuff in your career

Speaker 1 that's a little shady. To save my own ass?

Speaker 1 Or to go ahead. Oh, how about this? I've actually been, my agents weaseled and lied about a thing that they approved that I got in trouble for when I can't tell the whole, I can't.
I know, it's hard.

Speaker 1 But there's a lot of incidences. But what they did was weasel.
And so what I did was rat them all out. I showed the emails.
Yeah. Because they denied it.

Speaker 1 They're like, we never said that that was okay for him to do. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Send, send, send.
I sent all the emails. Yeah.
They all approved it. All of them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because they were trying to agents are just, all they do is go, we never said to him to, we didn't say he could do it. We didn't do that.
Yeah. Yeah, you did.
I said that. I can't tell the story.

Speaker 1 It's all, it's not fun. But no,

Speaker 1 I do. I'll do it to protect.
You do it if they're backing you into a corner and you don't have a choice. Yeah.
You didn't have a choice if you didn't have a choice.

Speaker 1 Why did you paint your nails, by the way? Show the audience.

Speaker 1 We'll hold it up to the camera so they can actually see it.

Speaker 1 So the girls, so the girls were, we're going to Hawaii Yeah, and they you know how they do their little girly things and they go around the table you felt left out.

Speaker 1 No, they had all the stickers and stuff right and they were like um

Speaker 1 Tito Bobby paint your nails and I go why

Speaker 1 because we're going to Hawaii like okay

Speaker 1 That's pretty much it. Did you want him to paint his nails? Yeah, you did

Speaker 1 After all these time, after all these years, you still can't put the mic near your face. It's almost shocking.
It's insane. It's insane.
It's almost at this point. It's almost like scary.

Speaker 1 So, did you ask him or did Khalil push for it? I think I told him. You said he had to do it.
Did you paint them or did he do it?

Speaker 2 He did.

Speaker 1 Why don't you have the girls do it? Look at how much better of a job they would have done. That's nicking and scratching and chipping.
I have another thing I want to hashtag with her. Oh, go ahead.
Is

Speaker 1 so this new guy?

Speaker 1 Diego. Oh, let's check in with Diego.
Did he? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back to check it.
Hey, let's have Fancy Say checking in with Diego. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Checking in with Diego. Checking in with Diego.
Anything? Nothing. Damn, this guy is

Speaker 1 sweating. You know what it is, though? He probably sees that you've DM'd him, but he doesn't want to open it because he wants to give it time.

Speaker 1 Well, I have, I think, let me see if he befriended my friend request because I could also do a second thing. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Sex him. Yeah, yeah.
So let's do this.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, you requested his friendship? Yeah. Smooth.
Yeah, so let's go to because

Speaker 1 his profile private? Is that why?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He befriended it.

Speaker 1 So I can now message.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Sa bra.

Speaker 1 Sa-brah? Yes. And give the shaka.
Give this. Give the shaka.

Speaker 1 B-R-A-H. What's up, brah?

Speaker 1 Sa-brah. And then shaka.
And then shaka. Give the shaka emoji.
Can I do a thumbs up? Is it not the same? Shaka's way better. Shaka is brah.

Speaker 1 I know, but I can't find it. Oh, there it is.
Right under the hands. Yeah, it is.
Right under the hands. Yeah.
Sa-bra? Sa-brah? Yeah. Can I see a picture of this guy? I want to see what he looks like.

Speaker 1 He doesn't have any photos photos of him. Well, let me see.

Speaker 1 That's his dad. Just give me the phone.
No, there's no, I'm looking.

Speaker 1 That's his mom. That's his sister.
Well, I can compile what he looks like through those two people, I guess. Oh, there we go.
That's him. Because he took a photo with me.

Speaker 1 Oh, he is good-looking. Yeah.
Yeah, he's a good-looking guy. Wow, Diego's.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, Spaghettios. I think this we're off to

Speaker 1 a little romance. And he lives in SD.
Can I finish finish this message or what, bra? Yeah, Sop Bra. I thought Sap Bra is all we need to say to this guy.

Speaker 1 Really? Well, Sop Bra says a lot. Sop bra.
Sop bra. All right, send.
You could be trying to fight him. You could try to hang out.
Sop bra. Sop bra.
Send. Right.
And then if he messages back,

Speaker 1 that'll be good. So this was a one-time love story in Hawaii.
Yeah. No, there was another one, right?

Speaker 1 Jesus. Another one, right?

Speaker 1 No. Damn, she got a lot of Hawaii lovers, huh? I don't.
There's nothing. The guy that you asked for surfing instructions?

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 2 It was nothing.

Speaker 1 But you liked him?

Speaker 4 Yeah, it was cute.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you get the number?

Speaker 1 The DM, the DM.

Speaker 2 No, my aunt got his number.

Speaker 1 Yeah. These Filipinos are aggressive.

Speaker 1 Give me your number for my aunt coming out.

Speaker 1 I know. But we just need her to get open up a bit, you know? She's getting much

Speaker 1 more. I think if you look back on the episodes that we started the show, you've definitely changed your vibe.
You've definitely gotten more open, open, more

Speaker 1 confident, more confident. Yeah.
You know, like look Bobby in the eye right now. Let's see your confidence level.
Tell him to go fuck himself. Look him right in the eye and say, go fuck yourself.

Speaker 2 Do it. Go fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 Whoa, that was so believable.

Speaker 1 I love it. Man, this is good.
I like this new rude. Do more, do more.
Do more, do more.

Speaker 1 Look him in the eye and say, you're a fat piece of shit. Move the mic down so the camera can see you.
Move below your mouth. There you go.
Look him right in the eye and do it.

Speaker 2 You're a fat piece of shit.

Speaker 1 Shit.

Speaker 1 Wow. Ready? Do you ready for another one? Look him right in the eye and say, You're not my blood, and I don't respect you at all.

Speaker 2 You're not my blood, and I don't respect you at all.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. It looks so real when she says it.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 That was a good one.

Speaker 1 That was a good one. No, one more.
One more.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 1 I like it. I like it.

Speaker 1 Say,

Speaker 1 look at me now and say, I can't wait.

Speaker 1 I can't wait till Auntie Kalila leaves you.

Speaker 2 I can't wait till Auntie Kalila leaves you. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, that one hurts. That one's stung.
He's getting hit a little bit.

Speaker 1 Fuck. Wow.

Speaker 1 That was a good one. Now say, I'm sorry, I mean none of it.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, Tito Bobby.

Speaker 1 I don't mean any of it that i don't believe i don't believe that i didn't believe that that's the thing i didn't mean that last part that last part was a lie

Speaker 1 all the other stuff was truism wait a minute wait a minute let's be look him in the eye again and say i'm i i didn't mean any of that i didn't mean any of it no the inflection i did

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah you meant a lot of that stuff no no wow but you know what um what did you smell in the car ride from the airport to home

Speaker 1 all farts yeah all farts That's what you get. That's what you get.
That's your clip. We were going to say that today.
All farts. Right? So, yesterday,

Speaker 1 I did preemptive farts in your face. You loaded up.
Yeah. They were nasty.
Play that clip, Pete. What is that?

Speaker 1 Really funny. This guy's great.
Really good. I love this guy.
He's shaking.

Speaker 1 I like that it fills up his belly. Look, it fills up his stomach.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Would you go out with this guy? Yeah, is this guy datable? Is this like Diego or a datable guy?

Speaker 1 All right, get rid of it. Get rid of it.
Hey, so I want to ask you if you've seen this show, and this clip is from the show. It's called,

Speaker 1 oh, we'll do this first.

Speaker 1 There's a show called Sexy Beasts. Do you know what that is? I saw the movie, but not the.
Look at this. So it's a dating show on Netflix.

Speaker 1 yeah and you get dressed up like a furry yeah and you go on a date yeah to see if you fall in love and then if you get through uh like love is blind and all these shows then you get to take off the makeup and everything but they have to go on a date and look like that that's hilarious can you and i do this i'm serious we can hire a professional makeup people i'd love to do it to make you and i go out when we go do our date

Speaker 1 Date who, though? You and me are going out on a date. Oh, okay.
Let's do it. I want to do a first date with you.
Yeah. And look like.
Look at how good the makeup looks like. So good.

Speaker 1 Is it all guys or? No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 That was a woman there. Look, that's slow.
Oh. And they go out on dates like this.
That's insane. I can't wait to see this show.
I just saw the clip today. Look at how good the makeup is.

Speaker 1 It's so good. That baboon.
Look at that. Look at that.
It's amazing.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's not as if they shoot this in one day. No, it takes forever.
It six months. So every morning, this person gets a 4 a.m.
wake-up call. Yeah, and they do three hours of this makeup.

Speaker 1 No, that's six hours. Six hours.

Speaker 1 It's insane. It's insane.

Speaker 1 I love dating shows. Have you seen this show? Do you know about this show? No.
Show that clip. Show that clip of the one from the one

Speaker 1 that guy.

Speaker 1 Show that clip from the old dating show, the old, the first kiss show.

Speaker 6 I'm hoping that he's a really great kisser for sure because I really have tried everything with dating. I've dated online, I've hosted singles events, I've approached strangers.

Speaker 1 It's like a first kiss show where you have to kiss them the moment you see them.

Speaker 6 It's like a first kiss, and maybe this will be the magic I'm looking for.

Speaker 7 I think I am definitely more confident this time because I've already had that first kiss out of the way. I think my strategy is just go for the kiss.

Speaker 7 Maybe I'll be able to like slip tongue, and then from there, things take off. And who knows, maybe she's my first girlfriend.

Speaker 1 Maybe she's his first girlfriend. Yeah, there he is.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Walking towards her. Getting ready to make that move.

Speaker 7 How's it going? Good, how are you? Good.

Speaker 7 What's your name? I'm Willie. I'm Josh.
Hi.

Speaker 7 Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you?

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 Hey, Kissy, go back to just the part. He kisses her on the cheek.

Speaker 1 It's so uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 But something happened. Well, I mean, he got so scared.
You hear when he walks in. Listen, turn up the volume.
When he walks in, he audibly goes, oh, listen.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good sign.

Speaker 7 Hello. Hello.
How's it going?

Speaker 1 Good.

Speaker 7 Good.

Speaker 7 What's your name?

Speaker 1 I'm William. He's smiling.
He's like, murder smiling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Gotta kiss you. Oh, yeah.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Speaker 1 Hold on.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Gotta kiss you. Gotta kiss you.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. How does she not feel threatened to meet you? Yeah, yeah.
I would have just turned around and just walk away. Walk away.
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Or say no. No.

Speaker 1 Go.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. The way he had to hold her shoulder.
I feel so fucking bad for her. I feel so bad for her.
For her, because she said, yes, you can kiss me. Imagine the amount of rejection she feels.

Speaker 1 She's way prettier than this guy. Yeah, yeah.
And she's like, I guess you can kiss me. Imagine this.
Can I fuck you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He just doesn't.

Speaker 1 He's just smacking his face against it.

Speaker 1 But then he holds her.

Speaker 1 He hits it and then hugs her. No, he calms.
He calms. He goes, he calms.
And they just look at him.

Speaker 1 I mean, this dude, I love this dude.

Speaker 1 You know, guys like this should just be like, I'm a monk I'm a monk now and just go out into the mountains I live in the mountains and tell their monks

Speaker 1 and do the come and make the thing

Speaker 1 picnics yeah yeah yeah do do the thing you know right yeah gong every day you know what I mean and just go to sleep meditate like the incense right and the candles the candles right make a routine

Speaker 1 at night you blow everything out right do more of this yep go to sleep and then just die you gotta yeah no you don't think monks jerk off they might but are monks allowed to masturbate?

Speaker 1 Are monks allowed to masturbate? Google that.

Speaker 1 Because wouldn't you think you'd have to? You're not allowed to see people, right?

Speaker 1 It's like priests. Priests can't have, they can't have sex.
Are monks allowed to masturbate?

Speaker 1 Buddhist monks are forbidden from any sexual activity, including masturbation and watching porn, strictly enforced. How would they know? Well, you'd have to go in the forest.

Speaker 1 Imagine that's what we did when we were kids. We weren't monks.

Speaker 1 We'd go jerk off in the woods. Yeah.
You couldn't do it at home. You'd get caught.
If you had brothers and sisters, you were going to get caught. Brother Elias, where are you going?

Speaker 1 Oh, just to the woods for a moment.

Speaker 1 That's a dead giveaway. Why? Because you have to be specific.
Ask me. Keep talking to me.
I'm trying to figure out my own story.

Speaker 1 Elias, give me a monk name. Yeah, yeah.
What's a monk name?

Speaker 1 But he's Buddha's monk, right? I'll make it up, right? Okay. Brother Tongo,

Speaker 1 where are you going? To the woods to meditate. We have a temple right over here where everyone else is meditating.
I understand, but the Lord Lord is closer to me with the trees.

Speaker 1 But since we're Buddhists, we don't believe in a Lord.

Speaker 1 You got me there.

Speaker 1 So, so, brother Togo,

Speaker 1 again, I ask. Again, I ask.

Speaker 1 Again, I ask

Speaker 1 why

Speaker 1 are you going into the forest? Because I want to be one with nature. You're jerking off

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm jerking off. You got me there.
You got me there. This monk always says.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 everything. You got me there.
Every day, every day. You got me there.

Speaker 1 Every day.

Speaker 1 Brother Togo, right? He's out of the forest jerking off. And he has some sort of weird conversation with these guys every fucking day.

Speaker 1 He tries to make other fucking excuses. He tries to cover it up.
He comes up. Every day.

Speaker 1 I'm about to say. Brother Togo.

Speaker 1 Brother Togo.

Speaker 1 Where are you going? To the woods to meditate.

Speaker 1 I don't know why that makes me laugh. Oh, that makes me laugh so

Speaker 1 every day this is. By the way, I come back and I clearly have semen on my robe.
Ask me what it is.

Speaker 1 Brother Dogo.

Speaker 1 Start for star.

Speaker 1 I come back from the woods. I clearly have semen.
Dogo, Dogo. Yes.
What's that on your robe? Oh, this must be Tricep from one of the trees.

Speaker 1 It's Tricep from one of the trees I was rubbing against. Thank you for telling me.

Speaker 1 Now tell me it's Jizz. Now tell me it's clearly Jizz.

Speaker 1 Oh my sorry. I don't know why that made me slap or it made me sleep.
Tell me it's clearly Jizz.

Speaker 1 No, it's just Tricep from one of the trees. Brother Togo, it's obviously Jizz.
You got me there.

Speaker 1 How would you cover it up? How could you even do it?

Speaker 1 I don't think you're going to be. Brother Magul,

Speaker 1 Brother Magul, why are you leaving the temple?

Speaker 1 I would just be on.

Speaker 1 Brother Togo,

Speaker 1 thank you for asking. Where are you going? I would just be like,

Speaker 1 I would say anything to get away from not answering the question. Right, right.
Just keep skirting around.

Speaker 1 Brother Magul, why are you leaving?

Speaker 1 The mushroom stew we had this morning was a little too salty. Oh,

Speaker 1 you're going to shit in the woods. Yes.
All right.

Speaker 1 Sister Marie.

Speaker 1 Oh, all right. That's so funny.
That's really funny. By the way,

Speaker 1 impossible. You know this is a lie.
What? They have to masturbate. No.
Bobby,

Speaker 1 it's natural. It's ornate.
It's in your body. It's a part of your

Speaker 1 being. It's like when they say, like,

Speaker 1 you can't repress sexualization. No, here's the thing.
It's that when you go to SA meetings, right? Or you go to a place like I went to a couple years ago, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And sex and...

Speaker 1 pornography and sex is an addiction. It's substance abuse.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, I've talked to friends of mine, and I go, Did you masturbate? You go, we're allowed to masturbate, but we don't think of anything, or we don't look at porn. What do you do then?

Speaker 1 They're just basically unloading,

Speaker 1 just getting relief. I think that if you didn't masturbate for six months, or

Speaker 1 six months, or yeah, or get it out of your body, I think that a couple of tugs and it's out and it's out. Think about it like this, though.

Speaker 1 This is insane. No, because I've, I, my, the longest I've gone is 47 days.
Without jerking off. Without

Speaker 1 ejaculating. Or sexual contact.
Nothing. 47 days.
When did you do this and why? I did it with my friend Charlie about nine years ago. I mean, with my friend Charlie, right? No, we're at a Starbucks.

Speaker 1 We're at a Starbucks. On the 47th day, you're like, we're fucking each other.
No, he lasted seven months. He had no sexual contact.
No, but I lasted 47 days and I just couldn't do it.

Speaker 1 But wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on, hold on.
No sexual contact with somebody or is it no ejaculation? Like, could he kiss? could he kiss?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but those things will always lead to

Speaker 1 that. No kissing, no touching with another.
Wow, holy shit. Seven months.

Speaker 1 No physical interaction. People do it for years.
Steve O did it for years.

Speaker 1 For years. No sexual interaction.
For years. Why? Because of addictions? Because his sponsor said that, like, let's

Speaker 1 set a time. And he goes, all right, I'll do a year.
And a year went, and they did another year because he used

Speaker 1 sexual. And then he got a girlfriend yeah a wife now a wife and now he fucks her but my point is is that you know it's doable you went 47 days yeah it was so hard though

Speaker 1 how long how many years ago like 10 years ago okay today bobby lee right now today 2021 how long could you go without sexual release well if it was a competition between you and i

Speaker 1 forever forever do you want to do it yeah

Speaker 1 you really do how will i know that if you're lying or not well we're gonna live stream each other 24-7

Speaker 1 pete's gonna follow you and Andres will follow me around with the camera. In our beds with us,

Speaker 1 honestly, let's. It's impossible.
It's not impossible. I think we can do it if we wrote a contract.
And then, if you just said, listen, it's not, if you said to me, This is the Seinfeld episode.

Speaker 1 Yes, four days from now, dude, I did it. Then I'd be like, okay, cool, I won.
That's an, it's just, I don't, I just, what I'm telling you is, I don't think you can last like you think you can last.

Speaker 1 Dude, I lasted 47 days. I can do it.
10 years ago. Yeah, what's the difference? That was 40.
Times change. No, I can do it.
When was the last time you jerked off?

Speaker 1 Two nights ago. Okay.
But my libido, right, is much lower now. I know, you're older now.
Yeah, so it's like, I think I can do it. You really do? Yeah, I can beat you.

Speaker 1 No, that's only because you want to beat me.

Speaker 1 That's just the thing, because in your little brain, you're like, I just need to beat him. So you'll just hurt yourself just to beat me.

Speaker 1 I don't think I would be hurt either. I think it'd be good.
Well, what are you going to tell Kalila?

Speaker 1 What if she's like,

Speaker 1 I'm feeling like I'm going to help her? Well, I would tell her tonight. I would tell her tonight.
I go, me and Andrew are doing this thing, abstinence thing, right?

Speaker 1 And we're going to see how long we can go. I think she'd be fine with it.
Okay, fine. My health.
Okay. Will you tell your girl? Yes.
Let's do it. All right, so you guys heard to hear first.

Speaker 1 We're going to do it. Let's see how long we can hold out.
All right. I'm going to jerk off the moment I get home.
Are you really? No. Yeah, yeah.
No. I'm going to hold it out.

Speaker 1 Does that go to New York Tuesday?

Speaker 1 That's good. The longer you're out of town.
Oh, no, that's bad because that's hotels are jerk-off friendly. Jerk-off city.
The moment I land in a new city for comedy, I'm jerking off in the hotel.

Speaker 1 Me too. I jerk off.
What else am I doing there? Yeah. I poop, I take a big chunk of water, and I jerk off.
I like unload on the shoes.

Speaker 1 The furniture, like the fucking walls, lampshades, lampshades, everything. Everything.
Everything.

Speaker 1 Because it's like...

Speaker 1 It's freedom. It's not just freedom, it's marking.
Oh, territory. Like, yeah, yeah.
Like a little

Speaker 1 pheromones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good. That's funny.
You don't want to hear any of this stuff, do you? No. No.
Well, tell me if Diego hit you back already, will you?

Speaker 1 He did, didn't he? Nothing. Did he see it? No.
Did you ever see? Did you ever

Speaker 1 stay at the condo at the La Hoya comedy store? Yeah. That condo, though, is fascinating.
Well, because the amount of semen that's been in that comedy?

Speaker 1 No, it's more semen than you would know, because I'll tell you why.

Speaker 1 Because I stayed there once with Brian Bradley. I don't even know who that is.
You don't know him. Brian Bradley.
These were 1980s gay, the first gay comedians, way before Jason Stewart.

Speaker 1 These were the first gay comedians.

Speaker 1 And they were old men, and I was a young kid, right? And I was was staying at the condo with them.

Speaker 1 And late night, they go, Hey, kid,

Speaker 1 you want to hear a story?

Speaker 1 And I go, I was scared. Yeah.
I think I didn't think, you know, but I go, I like stories. And they go, in 1979 or 78, what Brian was, 78 or 79, right?

Speaker 1 I think it was 79 because, you know, and then they're like, anyway, we went to, we were staying in this condo and went to this gay club.

Speaker 1 And we just got so drunk, we just announced, I just stood up and announced RG at the condo.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 we all, right, just 80 guys back in the condo. The comedy store condo.
Yeah, it was crazy.

Speaker 1 We did an 80-man train, right?

Speaker 1 Choo-choo, choo-choo, right? And then, right,

Speaker 1 right, right.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 we would just, sometimes we had to, you know, unload the steam. Take out the steam.
Stake out the state. We would take the steam out, right? All all over the and apparently there was a cum

Speaker 1 like it was just like rainfall

Speaker 1 you mean like it was a storm just

Speaker 1 you know what i mean just popcorn ceiling yeah you needed an umbrella yeah and just walk through right

Speaker 1 and so once they told me that story and ask anybody else i've never stayed in that kind of hotel again hotel i always asked for a fucking hotel that place is i could not sleep not i have nothing against other people's cum sure you do just I don't want it in my mouth or my skin.

Speaker 1 Or anywhere near me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't want it anywhere near me. No, but if there was like, let's say you're standing there and you see a puddle of cum right here, you'd be okay with it.

Speaker 1 I would not. If it went like that, that would be day.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, that would be something. I immediately go, Andrew.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Who did this? And Pete, you know, Pete would go, it was me.

Speaker 1 That's what's so cool about a gay community. That's totally kosher.
You can walk into a club and you can do that today. They could be like, Orgy back at our place.
People would go.

Speaker 1 You can't be at a bar and be like, like, Orgy back at our place. No.
You'd be in prison. You'd be in prison.
Immediately, or the cops are like, get out of here, you fucking pop.

Speaker 1 I mean, there is a thing where I've thought about, I wish I was gay.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 it'd just be so, especially being middle and Asian. You would get tossed right around.
I would just be, they would call me the hole. The hole.
The hole's here. The hole's upstairs.

Speaker 1 And I was just going to come in.

Speaker 1 My ass was so big. I just walk in like this.

Speaker 1 Come on, the hole, right? What do they say?

Speaker 1 When I show up, they go, the big, angry top is here. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I think that you would have gained weight.

Speaker 1 You'd be the bear. I'd be a bear.
The red bear's here. The big red bear is here.
Big red guy. Yeah, boys.

Speaker 1 I would gain like 150 pounds.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 we would fuck.

Speaker 1 So much. So much.
So much. So much, so much easier.
I mean, come on.

Speaker 1 I would go troll down Santa Monte. I've said this before on here.
When Justin Marndale used to take us out to those clubs. Yeah.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I could get laid by so many of those dudes. I felt so confident.
It was great. Guys would come up and they'd find out that I was straight and they'd be like, fuck out of here.
Yeah. But it was hot.

Speaker 1 I was like, I would have gotten in the 80s, I would have got the thing. Yeah, you would have gotten HIV.
No, that's not what I'm saying. Yeah, you would have gotten HIV.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure.

Speaker 1 I would have been there. Because you would have just been the hole.
You would have just laid there, people would have just come run trains on you. Yeah.
And they'd let you up sometimes.

Speaker 1 Like, I wouldn't even care. I'd be like sleeping.

Speaker 1 Literally, I'd be sleeping and people would just be just unloading on my back

Speaker 1 on my asshole.

Speaker 1 And I would just wake up everyone. I go, hey, Charlie.
And go back to sleep.

Speaker 1 Dad?

Speaker 1 You know, I saw a dude.

Speaker 1 I'll just say this. I saw Dad Phan once on

Speaker 1 in New York. He was doing, what's his name's show?

Speaker 1 He was on Comedy Central. What's that guy's name?

Speaker 1 The older guy. He's kind of like Jimmy Schubert, but New York.

Speaker 1 Colin Quinn. So Colin Quinn had that show on Comedy Central.
One of the greatest shows of all time.

Speaker 1 So Dad Fan was on it, right? Right. When he won Last Last Comic Standing, and it was Voss, Patrice O'Neill.
Oh, my God. And they ripped him apart.
It's a firing squad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they ripped him apart to the point where I felt bad for him. Right.
For Dad. And Patrice kept making Asian jokes, I'm sure.
Right. So.
Bring up that clip if you can find it.

Speaker 1 When I saw that, I went, that's not going to be me.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah, I am going to fight them back.
And I'm going to survive. And I'm going to win.
Right. So that's what I have the style that I do is because I just don't want to be a victim.

Speaker 1 Dude, tough crowd with Colin Quinn with Dat Fan. Yeah, Dat Fan.
It's brutal, dude. If you see it.
They light him on fire.

Speaker 1 Well, Patrice was so good at making it. It's brutal, dude.
I'm not sure if I don't know if I can see it even. It's so sad.

Speaker 1 Dat fan. D-A-T-P-H-A-N.

Speaker 1 Dat fan.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. Is that it? Yeah, that's it right there.
The first one's got to be it. Tough crowd, Patrice O'Neill, DatFan, Rich Voss.
Yeah. How long is it? 16, but we'll scroll through and they'll edit it.

Speaker 1 Let's see some of it. Folks.

Speaker 1 I think he's just smooth by trying to move a war around. He's like, okay, we're just going to move it over to Iraq now.
I mean, that doesn't do anything. I mean, it's like in Vietnam.

Speaker 1 It's like, what are they going to say? Okay, the war is getting too crazy here. We're going to move it over to Cambodia.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That worked out well.

Speaker 1 What would your mother say about this?

Speaker 1 Look at his face. Did you just do your hat Korean mama as Osama bin Laden? I believe in his Vietnamese.
No, they last time extended. Shut up, dad.

Speaker 1 He he was doing that. Wait, I was playing.
He was doing Paul Potts. Moving the wall, right? Paul Potts.
This is your mama. I'm the last time of Stanley.

Speaker 1 Will he do the rest of the show hiding behind a tree, please?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. That's racist.
In the tunnel.

Speaker 1 Now, Cat Fan, who was complaining about this? Was it Asians or other people? I have no idea.

Speaker 1 The people that paid him.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come on, he needed one. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Here's the deal. I spent an hour and a half afterwards signing autographs, and 90% Asian students

Speaker 1 were in line.

Speaker 1 Don't you think ethnic, if an accent is, isn't comedy about heightening or whatever they're called, or accents or differences to?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's the culture that I grew up in. My family has accents.
I mean, if black comics make fun of their own culture or race, it's not a bar culture, but go ahead.

Speaker 1 Or if you see like Rich Boss, you do some Jewish jokes, right? I do maybe one. I usually talk about my life.

Speaker 1 You know, I talk about my Vietnamese mother a lot.

Speaker 1 But you know, the thing is, if Asians do it, then all of a sudden it's like, oh, okay, this guy get crazy. You know, like,

Speaker 1 we're just, this is what we do. You know what I mean? We're basing it on the air.
I mean, the stereotypes are part of this. Gadhead fell.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, I read that article that complained about him. The thing that pissed me off today, referred to him in the article as a comic, and I was really upset.

Speaker 1 You know, now, all I'm saying is that it's 5.14 and that fan got one more minute left on his fame. So I think that he should.

Speaker 1 Why don't we just have like Vietnamese coaches? That's right in the middle of the minute.

Speaker 1 Patrice was ruthless, though. Yeah, but I'm just saying that when I did

Speaker 1 Open Anthony with Patrice, they couldn't do that with me. Because you were in the city of Jesus.
Because I just became wilder.

Speaker 1 When I saw that, I was like, I'm never going to be him.

Speaker 1 Just taking it off.

Speaker 1 No. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You got to fight back. Fuck you.
Yeah, you got to fight back. You got to fight back, dad.
Yeah. You know what I mean? It's so sad.
But I mean,

Speaker 1 he knows better. That's the lion's den.
That show was so hard to do. I just wouldn't do it.
No, you shouldn't do it unless you. Like, if you don't come in swinging with shit, like, you got Deadpool.

Speaker 1 You got to have some shit. You got to have Deadpool shit and just be like, I'm here.

Speaker 1 And cut them all up. And then what happens is when you start making fun of them and combating them, they just stop doing it.

Speaker 1 Well, or it becomes part of the rhetoric of like that we all are shitting on each other. What you and I do on our show, we make fun of each other.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's because we love each other, but that disarms all the chaos. You just shit on each other.
Yeah, but if you're not willing to have the get shit on stuff, then it's you're in trouble.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I just think that you know, instead of focusing on this is a message to Asian performers, I guess, is that

Speaker 1 I don't focus more on that being

Speaker 1 representing my ethnicity. I focus on being better than all the other people right right i don't when i i'm at the store people go

Speaker 1 i've heard people go well you're on the lineup because you're the asian guy no i i believe i'm on the lineup oh you're good no it's not that i'm good it's just that nobody

Speaker 1 you can't say like if you know rogan goes up or anybody else goes up right that i didn't do as good

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Right. And I don't want to be up there just because of my color of my skin.
Well, you're not. I know.
I know that. Right.
I feel that.

Speaker 1 You're saying that exists. Yeah, so I'm just saying that like, you know, to Asian performers or whoever, you're saying.

Speaker 1 And, you know, if Tiger Belly's not considered an Asian show, I don't give a fuck. It is.
No, it's not, apparently to them. Who was that? A credible source? I mean, it was only the New York Times.

Speaker 1 What are they doing?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? But it's. How about this? How about this? Yeah.
Do top Asian podcasts. Top Asian podcasts.
What is this? What are we doing here? What are you trying to do?

Speaker 1 I want to try to see if Tiger Bell is on there. We're not on there.
See? Scroll through all the way down. Keep going down to the right.

Speaker 1 Up at the top, that bar, up there, Pico, all the way to the right. All the way.
Now, click on that arrow. No show with George can be a consideration.
Right, George.

Speaker 1 He's married to an Asian woman. He's got a half Asian baby.
Nothing.

Speaker 1 But how about this? Oh, I've got the fix. Top Asian Comedy Podcast.
There it is. Top Asian Comedy Podcast.
Now it'll be there.

Speaker 1 No doubt. Same list.

Speaker 1 Same list.

Speaker 1 Keep going.

Speaker 1 I'm guarantee you.

Speaker 1 Is there any way to do this, though? It's not there. See, look at it.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Hold on. So let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 Does Tiger Billy do better than these? Yeah. Yeah, for sure.
All of them, right? Yeah, for sure. Then why aren't we on it?

Speaker 1 Because this is being. We're not Asian.
No, this is being promoted by something. That's being promoted by a machine.
If we go top comedy podcasts, would we be on it? Maybe. I don't know.

Speaker 1 But there's no

Speaker 1 top comedy podcast. Well, it depends on who promotes this thing.
Yeah. Top comedy podcast.
There you go. Where?

Speaker 1 Are we there no we're not on there yet nope nope nope nope nope doughboys is on there nope nope nope nope nope nope we're not on there that's it now do you feel bad no because that's a machine a little bit no that's a machine i don't know who i don't know how that gets arranged by what is this this is made by what what's the article who's by good housekeeping this is by good housekeeping they arrange that what does that even mean Yeah.

Speaker 1 Good housekeeping? Yeah. What the fuck is that? No, I don't care.
We, dude, I know how much our fans love and appreciate us, and I love and appreciate them. Yeah, that's what I care about.

Speaker 1 I don't care about fucking an article on good housekeeping. It doesn't mean anything to me.

Speaker 1 Aren't you happy about the fans, Rudy? Now you're getting boyfriends from it. Let's check in with Diego.
Andre, say it.

Speaker 1 Let's check in with Diego. Come on, please say he looked or texted or said something back.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Nothing.

Speaker 1 Wow. All right.
So, how about this, Bobby, to end this Diego thing? I want her now to write. You can write it, not Bobby.

Speaker 1 Write no response.

Speaker 1 Did he respond to you? No. Okay, so I want her to write no response question mark.
Fuck you.

Speaker 1 How cool would that be? No response? Fuck you. No, because he texted her and she didn't respond for six hours.
Six hours? Yeah. Give him six hours.
At the sixth hour this evening, write no response.

Speaker 1 Fuck you. Poor Diego.

Speaker 1 We love you, Diego, wherever you are. You beautiful.

Speaker 1 What was the name of that racist snack? Conquito. Conquito.

Speaker 1 All right, Bob. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 $20 off your Buffy Comforter when you visit Buffy Coco. Bad friends.

Speaker 1 That's $20 off your Buffy Comforter when you visit Buffy. Bad friends.
That's $20 off your Buffy Comforter when you visit Buffy.co and enter the code Buffy.