Fat Rehab

Speaker 1 Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason.

Speaker 1 From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten-free, making it a high-quality spirit that mixes with just about anything.

Speaker 1 From the smoothest martinis to the best Bloody Marys, Tito's is known for giving back, teaming up with nonprofits to serve its communities, and do good for dogs. Make your next cocktail with Tito's.

Speaker 1 Distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas. 40% alcohol by volume.
Savor responsibly.

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Thanks for coming.

Speaker 2 Fourth of July weekend for you. Everyone, good.

Speaker 2 I got to Bobby's house for the 4th of July party. Yeah.
And he made an announcement. He goes, the whites are here.
The whites are here.

Speaker 2 No, because I was telling everyone at the party, I go, I can't wait for the whites to get here. It was so brown.
Because it was so brown and uncomfortable for me. Because I grew up in...
I do.

Speaker 2 Because I grew up in both worlds. Yeah, an Asian and brown.
And white. You had brown.
You had brown. Yeah, it's like if I was, let's say I was a Jedi, right? And half my time I grew up in Tatooine.

Speaker 2 And half my time, I grew up in Hoth.

Speaker 2 That you split your time. Yeah.
What do you like more? What do I like more? So if I was in Hoth, I'd be like,

Speaker 2 I can't wait for the sand people to get here.

Speaker 2 Like if my Fourth of July party was at in Hoth and the Sand people would probably show up in those woolly mammoths who would like to call the Eric Griffins.

Speaker 2 And they would show up with the Eric Griffins and they would get up,

Speaker 2 whatever they do with the sticks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. There they are.
There we are. Yeah, the Sand people.
That's me, right? Yeah, that's you. Because that's closer to me than that's how ethnic people and immigrants see you.

Speaker 2 View white people. White people.
Yeah, with that. That's kind of how we look.
We come with weapons and we look very scary. Very scary.
And all we're really bringing is a tuna casserole.

Speaker 2 But they're like, these whites and in the mask you're mouthing the n-word the whole time oh yeah the whole time yeah yeah yeah like racial epithets underneath yeah yeah so just let that be known you guys are sand people sure i'm a sand people so anyway sunday we're i was like when are the sand people gonna get here and then um and then all of a sudden you know i hear you guys you heard us coming

Speaker 2 you know made

Speaker 2 and you guys came we came and we had not only did you have fun you had yeah but you but you had so much filipino food yeah which i didn't touch you didn't have any of that i ate the Mexican food.

Speaker 2 You ate the Mexican? Because there was a tolero truck there.

Speaker 2 But there's two options.

Speaker 2 You know? Like, if it was just Filipino food, I'd be like, I guess this is it. Do you like Fusion? I have to survive and sustain myself.
Yeah, but I can't do two different ethnicities.

Speaker 2 You can only pick one? Yeah, yeah. That's why I never go to fusion restaurants.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 we've gone together. Yeah, I hate them, though.

Speaker 2 What fusion restaurant have we gone together? Park's Finest is Fusion.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, that's more Filipino.
But it's also

Speaker 2 Korean barbecue combined. No, it's not.
They do both. That wasn't Korean barbecue at Park.

Speaker 2 There's two parks, by the way. There's one on Vermont.
I know we've talked about that. Right, we already talked about that.

Speaker 2 And the one that you went to was a Filipino restaurant that we know a guy that runs it, right? But that's a good idea. They had a Korean barbecue.

Speaker 2 There was a Korean guy there. There was no...
I was me. Yeah, I was there.
You were there. Yeah, yeah.
Or you were cooking. Yeah, but I'm not working there.
I figure if you're there, you're not there.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. They got to put you to work.

Speaker 2 So anyway,

Speaker 2 I tried the Filipino food. Did you like any of the stuff that made all that stuff? It was catered.

Speaker 3 Yeah, catered.

Speaker 2 What's the stuff that you like the most? Filipino food. No,

Speaker 2 what dishes?

Speaker 3 I like the kari curry and what's curry curry?

Speaker 2 Curry curry, but they did do it with a less curry.

Speaker 3 It's not curry curry.

Speaker 2 Curry curry.

Speaker 2 Curry curry. Yeah.
What is curry curry? It's just curry? Is it yellow or red?

Speaker 3 It's pork with like peanut butter saturday.

Speaker 2 They have their own version. Like peanut butter setay.
Ooh, curry curry Philippines.

Speaker 2 Philippines so what was that there was curry curry and then there was crab legs sticking out of fried rice yeah I think that was also curry current you guys don't need to leave the legs in there you know that yeah it's yummy no but the but but it was like crawling out of yeah the shells were like crawling out of the dish are you that lazy take the meat out of the shell no they crack it they crack the crab crack it put it take it out they crack the crab's brain and the crab's like oh my god and they rip his body apart yeah and they stuff it into rice right i was like just take the meat out i why would the legs sticking out of the di it Remember in Betelgeuse when all the sculptures came alive?

Speaker 2 Oh, right. That's what it looked like

Speaker 2 in their dishes. Meanwhile, the nice little Mexican guy outside making tacos.
Yeah. Delicious.
You thought you had some? That's so good. Yeah, so good.
So good. Those guys are the best.

Speaker 2 They bring the flat top. By the way, he carried everything.
What the fuck is this? That's in Beetlejuice when everything comes out. That's what the Filipino dishes look like.
Yeah. Right there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's a Filipino dish. Buan banana.
Carikari. Yeah, cari cari.
That's it, right? Cari cari.

Speaker 2 No, that Mexican guy carried up a grill upstairs to your house by himself. Yeah, I understand that, but can I just nobody helped him? Because we paid him.

Speaker 2 No, but dude, that was

Speaker 2 a hundred pounds. You don't understand.
We pay him. We paid him.
He was dripping in sweat. You don't understand, friend.
I literally go, you need help? And he goes, yes, okay. Yes, okay.

Speaker 2 He was freaking out. You know, we go, Pedro.
How much did you pay, Pedro? So we paid like 500 bucks or whatever for him for him to come, right? To cook. But I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 So I just kept throwing him like Hyundai.

Speaker 2 What's that noise? What's that noise? I don't know.

Speaker 2 There's a song. Do you hear that?

Speaker 2 Where's that coming from? What do you have on you?

Speaker 2 What was that? It's just my music. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 2 But do you know why? So I have a playlist. But the whites love that.

Speaker 2 Their playlist is called Fallout because in the game Fallout, they had all 50s music. Oh.
So I just, anyway. Is that 50s? I don't know what it is, but let me ask you something.
So tonight,

Speaker 2 so tonight, guys. Tonight, we're doing the show.
We're doing the show at Bray Improv. You're coming.
Sold out. Sold out.
Right?

Speaker 2 And you guys are going to be in for a treat because we have a brand new talent going up on stage. Yeah, you're saying it like they're going to listen to it now.

Speaker 2 This will come out way after the show or something. I know, but anyway, it doesn't matter because what I want to do is I want to, because she couldn't sleep last night,

Speaker 2 Jules. Why?

Speaker 3 I was scared.

Speaker 2 She's scared because she has to do 30 seconds on stage. You're having nightmares? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Come on, dude. It's fine.
You're not going to do it.

Speaker 2 Actually, but Kalila fought me on it. She said only one minute.
And I said, you said three. I said three minutes.
Okay, so he said three, so you got to do three.

Speaker 3 We made a deal. One minute.

Speaker 2 Raising your voice.

Speaker 2 It's not the answer. And also,

Speaker 2 it makes me angry. You're going to piss off the papa.
So here, I think that we should do. This is what I want.

Speaker 2 And let's write it down. Do you have a thing? Yeah, bring it up.
Bring up the script. Bring it up so we can write a script.
We want to write a script. I don't know why it's on this.

Speaker 2 Where's Andreas?

Speaker 2 Your brother stole him. Speaking of which, your brother and the other guy from

Speaker 2 Scissors, they were at your house. They were too, yeah.
You know what Jeremiah brought to your house? Cookies. Chips ahoy.
Chips ahoy. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 Lay's potato chips. And he literally almost grabbed it and threw it into the street.
It's so rude. Lay's potato chips and cookies.
We got it, Jeremiah. We got it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He went to the 99 Center store. We get it.
So I don't know who she's bringing up, but let's just suppose it's Eleanor.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Annie. I think Annie.
Annie. Right.
So you're going to say, round of applause.

Speaker 2 Round of applause. For Annie Letterman.
For Annie Letterman.

Speaker 3 Can I say Ate Annie?

Speaker 2 Sure. Yeah, sure.
That's change the script. God damn.
That's fine. What are you, Bruce Willis? Jesus Christ.
I want to say what I want to say.

Speaker 2 Fine.

Speaker 2 Fine. Round of applause for Ate Annie.
Oh, go, go back. You got got to put Ate Annie.
Doesn't know how to spell it and is nervous to do it wrong, but let's see what he does wrong.

Speaker 2 Auntie Annie. That's fine.
That's fine. Round of applause for Auntie Annie.

Speaker 2 Auntie Annie. All right, so then you're going to say,

Speaker 2 now, I also want you to put in parentheses, right? Wait for applause.

Speaker 2 Because I don't want her to run the thing, right? So you got to wait. So

Speaker 2 how many seconds do you think is an applause? 1,000, 2,000, 1,000,000. 3, 4, 5, 3, 5.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 12. Five seconds.
Okay. And but you have to wait the full five, even if they've already stopped clapping.
Just sit in it for a minute. You got to sit in it.

Speaker 3 So I have to count?

Speaker 2 Yeah, count into the mic. No, I'll tell you this.
If you go less than five seconds, I'm going to make you do it over again. You got to start all over.
Right. So you just count.

Speaker 3 Not

Speaker 2 out loud, right? Sure, out loud.

Speaker 2 That's fine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 One, one thousand. Two, one thousand.
Three, one thousand. Four, one thousand.
Five, one thousand. Yeah, say it out loud.
But say it in into the mic.

Speaker 2 But say it into the mic and say it in your native tongue. Don't say it in English.

Speaker 2 How do you say thousand?

Speaker 2 They don't have, they don't count that high because nothing goes up that high. No, there it is.

Speaker 3 I just forgot.

Speaker 3 Isang put?

Speaker 3 Sang.

Speaker 2 Tung Sangput. Three singputs.
Four sang put. Five singput.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do that. Do that.
Seng puts. Yeah, so one singput, two singput, three singput.
Many sang puts. All right.
And then you got to say, because you have to say after that, you have to say,

Speaker 2 are you guys having a good time yeah that's very important are you guys having a good time you guys having a good time to put that and then write this guy knows what I'm talking about no

Speaker 2 and you got a point you got to pick a guy

Speaker 2 knows what I'm talking about

Speaker 2 point at a guy

Speaker 2 and then here's what you say you say what do you do for a living so after you point to the guy you pick a guy and you say what do you do for a living So you pick that guy and go, this guy knows what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 What do you do for a living?

Speaker 2 And he's going to say something.

Speaker 2 Now, it can be one out of. It's not very, it's very

Speaker 2 hard. He's not going to be.
It's one out of a thousand things. Yeah.
Generally. What if he doesn't talk? He will.
He will.

Speaker 2 Then that's what you say. Oh, we got a mute in the audience.
Oh, we got a mute in the audience. Yeah, yeah.
We're loading you up before we get out of here. We're loading you up.

Speaker 2 If he doesn't talk, you go, oh, what do you do for a living if he doesn't talk?

Speaker 2 Go, oh, we got a mute audience. Oh, we got an audience.

Speaker 2 And then you followed up with something like.

Speaker 2 We used to call them.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 what's a male Helen Keller? Listen here, Hank Keller. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good. Wait for, oh, we got a mute in the audience.
Wait for it. They don't laugh.
They won't.

Speaker 2 But just still do the pause. Right? And that's the gambler.
That's the gambling.

Speaker 2 Yes, we got a mute in the audience. I call it the uncomfortable zone.
And then you can say this. Now, after he, if let's say he does say his job, you know,

Speaker 2 if he doesn't, you say, oh, we got to mute. If he does say his job and his job is sales or

Speaker 2 I don't know, what do people do? What are jobs?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Insurance. Insurance, yeah.
Insurance. He says his job, and right away, you're an insurance salesman.
Right. What do you say? What do you say?

Speaker 2 Now, this is great. You don't even have to read the script on this one.
Right. You can just say whatever you want to say.
So if I say

Speaker 2 I'm an insurance, what do you say?

Speaker 3 Nice.

Speaker 2 Nice. Put that down.
Nice. And then wait for that's you for sure again.

Speaker 3 No, it's me.

Speaker 2 Now you are doing the full-time. Yeah, you're doing the full-time.
No! Nice. Wait for laughter.
Wait for laughter. And then you say,

Speaker 2 then you say, then she's got to transition into something that's. No, no, I think we should go now to.

Speaker 2 Okay, you guys have a good time? This guy knows what I'm talking about. What do you do for a while? What do you do for 11? Oh, we got a mute in the audience.
Or if he says his job, you just go, nice.

Speaker 2 Anyway. You guys ready for more show? Are you guys ready for more show?

Speaker 2 I can't hear you.

Speaker 2 You have to do that. I can't hear you.
I can't hear you. No matter what the response is.
It doesn't matter if it's super loud. Even if they're all standing and crying, I can't hear you.

Speaker 2 In fact, you know what?

Speaker 2 Why don't you guys stand up

Speaker 2 and make some noise?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or, you know, here's a good old school way. Let's do a wave.
Let's do a wave. Let's do a wave.
Let's do a wave. So what you do is, and you go, I'll start it.

Speaker 2 And you just get on your knee and you go up like this, right? And in the front row, I'll do it. It'll go through the audience.

Speaker 2 okay let's do a wave do a wave okay then you do a wave then you do a wave that takes about that'll take about a minute a couple minutes a minute a minute to a minute or so wait for audience to do a wave and we're already hey look look i don't think they'll do a wave they will yeah they will they will if you do it oh and when they do the wave do this like you're surfing yeah so you'll you start the wave right they do the wave and you just do a surfing oh you know what's better you know what's better you know what's better yeah you divide the room yeah you know what then the you divide the room and you go this half I want you to say bad and that half you say friends.

Speaker 2 So when I point, you go, bad, friends.

Speaker 2 And you can control it. You go, bad, friend.
You can go, bad, bad, friends, friends, bad, friends, bad, friends, friends. And you can do that.
You're going to feel like a wizard.

Speaker 2 That could kill so much time. You know, Lord of the Rings, Soraman? That's the kind of stuff he would do.
You're going to be casting spells over these people. Casting spells.

Speaker 2 You're going to be bibbity-bobbity-booping them with your hand going, bad, friends, friends, bad, friends.

Speaker 2 And you can do it as much as bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. And you build it up.
And then when they get excited, they go, another wave! Another wave! Another wave! Surfs up!

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 This is great. I can't do it.

Speaker 2 And do the fucking thing.

Speaker 2 And then you bring up the next comic. That's us.
Oh, it's bringing up the next comic.

Speaker 2 And then this has got to be sincere. Yeah, you got to be honest.
So

Speaker 2 it gives me the utmost

Speaker 2 pleasure

Speaker 2 to bring up two significant role models.

Speaker 2 I mean, arguably the two most important people.

Speaker 2 Arguably, yeah, I'd say arguably about the two most important people in my life.

Speaker 2 Look at her face. Don't smoke.

Speaker 2 Don't do that. Yeah, yeah.
Don't do that. You know,

Speaker 2 it gives me the utmost pleasure. Pleasure.
Arguably,

Speaker 2 the two most important people.

Speaker 2 Imagine being raised.

Speaker 2 Yeah, imagine being raised by wolves.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's us.
No, hyenas and wolves. Or something like two different.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm a hyena. Yeah.
Imagine being raised by an orangutan

Speaker 2 and a panda. Yes.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen,

Speaker 2 the two

Speaker 2 arguably the most important people in my life. Imagine being raised by an orangutan and a panda.
And George, are you coming tonight? He can't. He's got a baby.
Who's coming? Nobody.

Speaker 2 Gilbert's coming. So tell Gilbert to record her on stage.
So we want to see if she does it right. Yeah, that's true.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 So she's got to be in the audience when she's on stage, and he'll be recording it. And

Speaker 2 she's going to bring this piece of paper on. And then you say, raised by Narangtang and a panda, comma, my Titoes.
My Tito's. Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew.
Yeah. And then that's all you have to say.

Speaker 2 That's all you have to say. This is so simple.
So simple.

Speaker 3 That's a lot.

Speaker 2 All right, so let's. Oh, you have to say, it gives me the utmost pleasure to bring these next people, to me, bring these next comic to the stage, to bring these next comics to the stage.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Arguably,

Speaker 2 they're arguably the two most important people in my life. Because it is an argument because Kalila is much more important.
They're arguably the two most important people in my life.

Speaker 2 Imagine me being raised by an orangutan and a panda, my Tito's, Tito, Bobby, Tito. Perfect.
Perfect. So let's do a rehearsal.
Let's do a little baby rehearsal. Maybe we're going to go to the next one.

Speaker 2 And we'll move forward. That's all we want.
Little baby one for the pod.

Speaker 2 Annie just got off. She just killed it.
Killed it. Yeah, people love it.
All right, here comes Rudy. She's on stage.

Speaker 2 Go.

Speaker 3 Round of applause for Ati Annie.

Speaker 3 One, Mississippi, two, Mississippi, three, Mississippi, four, Mississippi, five, Mississippi.

Speaker 3 Are you guys having a good time?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 This guy knows what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 I sure do. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 What do you do for a living?

Speaker 2 I'm in insurance.

Speaker 3 Nice.

Speaker 3 You guys ready for more show? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I can't hear you.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Why don't you guys stand up and make some noise?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Stand up. Woo!

Speaker 2 Let's do a wave. Let's do a wave.
Good call. All right.
In their minds, they're like, we've never done a wave at a comedy show. This is nice.
I'm going to do one.

Speaker 3 Okay, I'll start.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's great.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 nice. Yeah.
Surf wave. Surf wave.
Surf wave, yeah. Cool.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 I'll divide the room. The right says bad and the left says friends.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Okay, go.

Speaker 2 No, you just point. Just point.
Bad. Friends.
Bad. Friends.
Bad. Bad.
Bad. Friends.
Friends. Bad.
Friends. Friends.
Bad. Okay.
See, you'll love that.

Speaker 2 You'll love that. Right.
And then the final, and then when they do that, then you go, surfs up. Surfs up.

Speaker 2 You have to yell, surfs up. It's California.
This is what they do. This is SoCal.
Southern California, this is so SoCal.

Speaker 3 Surfs up.

Speaker 2 Surfs up.

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 it's going to be chaos. Nuts.
And we need a shift in energy here.

Speaker 3 So did I say quiet?

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 As loud as you can.

Speaker 2 Instead of surfs up, get rid of that. Get rid of surfs up.
And you just like.

Speaker 2 Quiet.

Speaker 2 Quiet.

Speaker 2 As loud as you can, and

Speaker 2 cross your arms. Quiet! Quiet! Right? So say that.
Scream it. Scream it.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Quiet! Nice!

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Give it to me. Now end it strong.

Speaker 3 It gives me the utmost pleasure to bring these next comics to the stage.

Speaker 3 They're arguably the most important people in my life.

Speaker 3 Imagine being raised by an orangutan and a panda.

Speaker 3 My Titos, Tito Bobby, and Tito Andrew.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's right. I can't wait to see that.
You know, I'm scared because she might crush way harder than all that. Yeah, it's going to be tough to follow.
It's going to be tough to follow.

Speaker 2 Oh, my, we have to follow that.

Speaker 2 But let me tell you something. She'll set us up to win.
Maybe.

Speaker 2 So, um, and also you could just bring the piece of paper on stage.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I want to bring it.

Speaker 2 You can. You can bring it on stage.
Let me print that out, George. By the way.
And also, what? You know what I watched last night? You loved it. Brought me to my knees.
What is it? Sweet Tooth.

Speaker 2 It's so good.

Speaker 2 It's so good. Are you being sarcastic? I'm being dead serious.
Okay. I love Sweet Tooth.
Do you like Sea Tweet? Oh, what? You like Sweet Tooth? Do I like Seaweed? You like Seaweed? I love Sweet Tooth.

Speaker 2 Do you like it, though? Did you watch Sweet Tooth? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What did you like about it? It just moved me.

Speaker 2 You saw all of it yeah yeah it moved me i don't want to give any stories away yeah if you haven't seen this people at home watch sweet tooth it's so so good it's well shot it's beautiful it's stunning the colors and it's beautiful stunning yeah but dude the story the doctor i don't want to get into the story great actor oh my god him and the wife amazing at acting god yeah even the it's look it i'll show this to you the audience can't see it look at my look

Speaker 2 yeah yeah oh she knows yeah yeah we know what that is it's it dude yeah one of the best shows I've ever seen. By you doing that, I know that you saw it.
I know. That's it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because that's very a subtle thing. Yeah, people are going to see that at home on YouTube.
I'm telling you, though, it was

Speaker 2 so good. I don't even know how to explain it.
I liked Will Forte in it. So good.
I really liked him in it. I love him, dude.
I love him, Dean. Last Man on Earth was great.

Speaker 2 He makes a lot of great shit. He does.
He always makes the right choices. I know.
Yeah. Why can't we do that? We will.
We'll start. Yeah.
We'll start.

Speaker 2 We just need to go be on SNL and then get off and do it again.

Speaker 2 Somebody sent me after we did the app two weeks ago about what's her name using Korean babies foreskin. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay, look this up. This is insane.
This is a real website someone sent to me.

Speaker 2 It's called bloodstainedmen.com. Do you know what this is?

Speaker 2 There is a movement, bloodstainedmen.com, to warn the American people that circumcision is cruel, worthless, and destructive.

Speaker 2 So these guys go around with bloodstains over their wieners, and they're fighting against circumcision. They go protest circumcision all over the world.
So these are the guys with the top still on.

Speaker 2 These guys have the sleeve. They have the top still on.
They have the hat. They have the hat.
They have the sleeve. They have the hat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they have a hat.
And

Speaker 2 you're hatless. I have a helmet.
Yeah, mine's a helmet. I have a helmet.
I just the head. You're right.
So they have a helmet. They have the skin over the head.
They have a turtleneck.

Speaker 2 I don't like it. They have turtlenecks.
Just based on looks alone, I don't like it. It looks strange.
Gilbert? He has a turtleneck. Has a turtleneck.
Did you know that? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But he's also Asian. Now,

Speaker 2 I'm not doing an Asian dick.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing an Asian small dick joke. That being said.
That being said. It doesn't help.
It doesn't help.

Speaker 2 Especially when the skin is a lot and the dick is small.

Speaker 2 Right? So in his case. And hangs over.
Yeah, it's like, you know,

Speaker 2 the skin has completely

Speaker 2 engulfed the dick itself. Right?

Speaker 2 So it just looks like a little ball. Like it's tied off at the end of the line.
Yeah, too. Like a knot.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like one of those shoe mai dumplings. Oh, I love shoe my dumplings.
I love it. To eat, but to look at as a penis to fuck with? No, thank you.
And he pulls his wiener on and he goes, shoe my.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. These guys are trying to warn the world to provide people with information to help protect their children.
So these guys literally go around protesting.

Speaker 2 But what are the, I don't know the positives of keeping it on. Well, they say, well, they'll tell you, dude.
Should we have these guys come on the show? We should. I don't.
Come on.

Speaker 2 I don't want to meet them. I want to meet them.
Because there's nothing I can do about it. I already.
It's over. It's over.
They're trying to convince you not to do it to your kids.

Speaker 2 That's their whole point. If I have it, my kids have it.
Right. Then my kids are going to have extra pleasure.
But that's an American thing. You know that they don't in Europe.

Speaker 2 What about in the Philippines? Most boys get circumcised, don't they? Yeah. See, that's weird.
In Europe, they don't. In Europe, they all have sleeves.
Really? All my British friends have sleeves.

Speaker 2 They don't get clipped. What about you guys? Are you guys clipped or sleeves? You got sleeves or you got helmets? Oh, clipped, for sure.
So he's got a helmet. Oh, you, Pete, Pete? Sleeve, right?

Speaker 2 No, clipped. Oh, clipped.
Okay, sleeveless. He's going to sleeve.
He's angry. Clipped.

Speaker 2 Did you guys? Wait a minute. Did you clip your kids?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Pete, so your kid has a sleeve?

Speaker 2 Your kid has a sleeve?

Speaker 2 He does. Whoa, your wife, huh? Your wife said she wanted to keep it? Because a lot of times the women want to keep it.
Yeah, my wife's European. See? The Europeans, they leave the sleeve.

Speaker 2 They leave the sleeve. So what did she say to you, Pete? Was it a conversation, for real? No, I didn't want to circumcise him either.
Why not? Because his wife didn't want to. I mean, come on, Pete.

Speaker 2 Come on, Pete. Have an opinion.
Yeah, seriously, stand up for yourself. What a fucking coward.
I don't want one either. What is it, Steve? Steve? Sleeve? Pete? Pete, Pete, Sleeve? Pete Sleeve?

Speaker 2 Your new name is Sleeve. Sleeve.
Sleeve. Sleevy.
Sleevy. Sleeve.

Speaker 2 Sleevy. Sleevy.
What is it? What is it? Why?

Speaker 2 Why we didn't circumcise him? KS, Pete. That's what we're talking about.

Speaker 2 No. God, I miss Andres.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unbelievable.

Speaker 2 No, why did the Emperor die in the

Speaker 2 Return of the Jedi? Yeah, come on, Pete.

Speaker 2 Why, Pete? Why did you? Because you're.

Speaker 2 We didn't want to cut him, you know? We just...

Speaker 2 But that's not your answer. So let me provide a real argument because Pete really can't come up with anything.
Well, you can't come up with anything. So what they say is you lose sensation.

Speaker 2 When you keep your sleeve, you get more sensation. The reason that we used to do that was hygiene because people didn't.
What is that? What are those? I don't know. It's just black

Speaker 2 schmutz on the

Speaker 2 it looks like poop. Yeah, it's like little rabbit poop.
Oh, maybe we have a little rat in here. Is that rat poop? Do we have, oh, well, don't.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's rat poop. Do we have a rat? Yeah.
Don't flick it towards me. Well, why is it on my side? Because it knows where it knows where it belongs.
It smelled my desk and was like,

Speaker 2 someone over by you. Oh, gross.
Okay, so go ahead. Anyway, we got rats.

Speaker 2 No, so they say it takes away feeling.

Speaker 2 So like when you clip, you lose sensation, so they say. And they also say that hygiene, that's why they did it, so you don't have to, you know, clean it as much.

Speaker 2 But they say now with technology and all that stuff, it's not people aren't getting as infected as much. But also, it's supposed to protect you from STDs and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 But does it know? Let's go back. None of those other things matter except the feeling thing.
They say the feeling is way stronger. So it's like, then let's focus on the feeling.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what the one cell is. So let me.
So, what I get when I orgasm,

Speaker 2 I want to hear, kind of.

Speaker 2 Do you? Not really, but I do. The fans want to hear.
Yeah, let me ask you this.

Speaker 2 Not a noise, but is there a face that you make? When I orgasm? Yeah. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 You know what it is. Oh, yeah.
I go like this. Oh.

Speaker 2 It's real subtle. It's not subtle.
It's so racist. It's not racist.
It's overtly racist. No, it's not.
It's not subtle. That has nothing to do with race.
It's overtly racist.

Speaker 2 No, I just get really, I really get stuck. It's like,

Speaker 2 ladies and gentlemen, anyone that does that, the president of the United States, he's freaking like, oh.

Speaker 2 That's me orgasm. It's no.
That's me orgasm. That's overtly racist.
That's me orgasm. Canceled.

Speaker 2 That's not racist. Why would it have anything to do with race? You ask what my face is, and I go, oh, that's what I do.
It's like if I orgasm, I do a white thing. Hey, buddy.
That's so funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm like, hey, buddy.

Speaker 2 Gotcha.

Speaker 2 Oh, whatever.

Speaker 2 White collar crime. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
A yacht. Yeah.
No, that's my face. I go, no, my face is this.
My face is.

Speaker 2 What's my face?

Speaker 2 No, be real about it. I don't know what I look like.
Yeah, yeah, you gotta be real. You don't do any of that shit.
You just

Speaker 2 your wife. Okay, let's be real then.
You know what it really is? Yeah. It's this.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's it. It's real sad.
Very good. What's yours? I believe that.
What's yours? Make me think.

Speaker 2 Oh, gross.

Speaker 2 God, it's gross.

Speaker 2 Because you look at your trial.

Speaker 2 No, I'm just. Because it builds.
It's not like a moment of feeling. Mine's a moment.
It's a feeling. Hits me out of nowhere.
There's like a 10-second feeling that builds. So it's more like,

Speaker 2 Jules, this is terrible. She doesn't need to see this.
I'll just. I won't do that.
I'll just do my face, right? Yeah, don't do your hands. Yeah, I won't do my hands.

Speaker 2 There it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's good. That's pretty good.
That's good. That actually looks very realistic.
Thank you. I would believe that in a sex scene.
Thank you. Have you ever done a sex scene?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You know who else hasn't?

Speaker 2 They're never going to write us. They're not going to write us in a sex scene.
They'll never write us in a sex scene. Nope.
Nobody wants to see an Asian.

Speaker 2 You know when I was on Spling Up Together, there was a scene where we were in bed. Yeah.
Right? And I mean. Redheads and Asians don't get a lot of sex.

Speaker 2 No offense, but like, I think Lindsay had a thing where, because she played my wife. Yeah.
Where we're just laying in bed and she just has her arm like on me.

Speaker 2 And the director just went, took that arm off.

Speaker 2 No. Yeah, yeah.
Really?

Speaker 2 It looks weird. Oh, that's so sad.
And I'm like,

Speaker 2 what, so we're just best friends?

Speaker 2 He's like, you're married, but nobody wants to see that. You know, I had to, I had to, I've never been a part of.

Speaker 2 I don't know if that happened or not.

Speaker 2 I've masturbated on camera in a sex scene, like in a, I'm alone in my room. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That doesn't count. I know.
It's sad. They don't want me on.
The only other time, well, this was funny.

Speaker 2 When we were shooting I'm Dying Up here, I think I might be told this story, but there was a sex scene going on, and I have to come in the room and say a joke.

Speaker 2 Meanwhile, my buddy Jake's butthole is right in my eye line. Yeah.
His butthole. His real butthole.
Yeah. Because you're wearing a murkin, you know, in the front.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But the thread goes through his butthole. Yeah.
So I see his butthole. Yeah.
And I have to walk in the room and say something like, you know, we're going to be late. Something like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Were you laughing? Every time. You laughed every time.
It was so hard because I see his nuts. I see his nuts hanging and I'm looking right into his butthole.
Yeah, but you know, it's different.

Speaker 2 And it's one of my close friends. But when you're shooting, it's so funny because when you're shooting a scene,

Speaker 2 because when I did the cabin with Brook Chryser and he was bent over, so he was bent over, we're doing a colonosophy, right?

Speaker 2 And he's like, stick it in, right? So I stick it in, and

Speaker 2 his sacks? Huge. Huge.
Massive. Like fucking bear sacks, right? His asshole is like...
Three layers of purple. It's like mounds.
Real tight. It's like, I'll tell you what it looked like.

Speaker 2 His asshole looked like you put a donut down,

Speaker 2 and you put a smaller donut on top of that. I see it.
And a smaller donut on top of that. I love it.
Yeah, yeah. And that was kind of sticking out.
That was coming this way, do you?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it doesn't go. How would I know it goes inward? No, it was going outward.
Right? So it's set, and there was a little mole right in the entranceway. Oh, yeah, you should get that check.

Speaker 2 It probably has a little sign that says, like, inside the mole, do not enter, or whatever.

Speaker 2 So it's like, and then, like, and I'm doing this thing with, I'm sticking the tube in his asshole, and I see my friend's everything about him. Oh, everything.
Everything.

Speaker 2 But you're like,

Speaker 2 you know the camera's on you. You're in the scene.
So you're just trying to...

Speaker 2 Like it's normal, but it's horrifying. Have you ever done one of those? Colonics or whatever they're called? Oh, yeah.
You have? We should do one. And they had the tube next to you to stick.

Speaker 2 They show you. They show you what's going out.

Speaker 2 Have you ever done one of those? A colonic? Would you ever do one? No. Why not? You have to do one.
They're good for it. You can get colon cancer.
You can get colon cancer.

Speaker 2 How many pounds of undigested food are in the average human stomach? I read something one time that was like six pounds of like undigested shit is just hanging out in your colon. Oh shit.

Speaker 2 Like did you lose weight after you did it? I'm going to have to get one. I know because.

Speaker 2 What's wrong?

Speaker 2 Tacos? No, I went to the

Speaker 2 one product claims that anywhere from six to 40 pounds of waste, feces, and undigested food stuck in our bodies. See, six sounded what I've heard, 40 sounds insane.

Speaker 2 Another one compares the weight of the waist to carrying a bowling ball in our gut. I went to Self Edge to get Jean Saturday, and I go, she goes, okay, what size?

Speaker 2 I go, normal, you know, 32-inch waist. Oh, you told me this at the barbecue.
Yeah, I go, 32-inch. Yeah, 32-inch.

Speaker 2 And I literally got one foot in

Speaker 2 the actual opening.

Speaker 2 In the waist opening. In the waist opening.
I got one foot. I go, what's going on here?

Speaker 2 You're a 30. I'm a 37 almost.

Speaker 2 That's big. It's big.
It's gotten a little big.

Speaker 2 You don't look like you gained any weight. Because my legs don't show it.
But you're tum-tum. It's my tummy.
It's like, it's just the body. But you have a really cute tummy.
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 I think it's morbid. Like, even my brother.
Stand up and show the camera. Even my brother went to the spa last week for the first time, and my brother saw my body.
And he went.

Speaker 2 He literally went, like, you know, normally he would make fun of me. Like, you fatty.
But it made him sad. He goes,

Speaker 2 you're going to die, man. Let me see your stomach.
Let me see. So sad.
Let me see.

Speaker 2 I'm going to. This is real.
I know. I'm looking.
This is real. All right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, sideways, yeah. It's yeah, what do you think, Jules?

Speaker 3 It's big.

Speaker 2 Yeah, is it bigger than it used to be?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think so.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But let me see the, let me see, turn, keep turning a little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 We got to get it on. We got to do a diet.
We got to, let's do a diet together. Do you want to do a diet or something? We should do it.

Speaker 2 I told Janina, the Javon Carr, the girl I was hungry with. Yeah.
I go, you know, nutritionist? You know, every time I ask people nutritionists, they always go, you're not going to follow it.

Speaker 2 That's not true. Yeah, you will.
I will follow it. What's your breakfast like this morning? Well, you don't eat breakfast in the morning.
Jersey Mike's. Okay, you woke up in a Jersey Mike's? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What are we talking? Six, six inches? Regular? 12, full. Not 12.
It's 12 inches, isn't it? It is? It's got to be a foot long, isn't it? I don't know. No, it's a regular.
It's like it's not a foot.

Speaker 2 It's half a foot. What is a Jersey Mike sub length?

Speaker 2 What did you have on it?

Speaker 2 Let's just go down what your diet is. Okay, okay.
Then we'll be able to break down the easiest way to get rid of it. Okay.
So, what's an average Jersey Mike sub? Look it up, Pete.

Speaker 2 What did you have on the sub?

Speaker 2 I get the number two. The number two is the Turkey Provolone.
Yes. That's how it is.
No, no, no, no, no, it's

Speaker 2 not Turkey Provolone.

Speaker 2 Oh, 357. Yeah.
So you had a 17. Seven inches of regular.
That's what I get. That's fine.
Okay. Oh, wait, no, no, no, no.
And 14 to 15 is the giant. Yeah, but I don't get the giant.
No. Swear to God.

Speaker 2 Ever? Ever. Okay, good.

Speaker 2 So what's the two? So what I'll get is, but I'll add jalapenos, avocados. Safe, safe.
Right.

Speaker 2 And I'll add, do it Mike's way because I love it when he does that way. Right.
Oh, my God. Then I'll get a bag of potato chips.
Which ones? The Lay is regular. That's not that bad.

Speaker 2 And then I'll get a Diet Coke. That's what I get.
That's what I had today.

Speaker 2 But the number two is it's the Italian, right? Yeah. So it's a cold cuts.
It's a cold cuts, yeah. So I had that, and then

Speaker 2 I won't eat until. Look at the calorie menu on Jersey Mike's, please.
Then I won't eat until tonight. Yeah, but you're better off eating smaller meals during the day than eating two massive meals.

Speaker 2 It's harder on your body. So why don't you eat four meals, but tiny ones? Jersey Mike's, so what are we talking? Number two.
I just need, bro, bro, bro. I just need somebody to go.

Speaker 2 White bread or wheat bread? White, of course. Oh, no.
What?

Speaker 2 What's 2,000 milligrams of sodium? Yeah. Holy shit.

Speaker 2 That's a lot. That's a lot of salt.
Because the mic's way? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it's 800 calories for that

Speaker 2 that's not that bad i think

Speaker 2 i just this can i just tell you what i need what do you need baby i need somebody to go

Speaker 2 this like like i'm in prison

Speaker 2 this is it and this is all you can eat no option well why can't we do that rudy can you do prison meals for me and i'm like he's gonna yell at me yeah that's probably pretty valid and so that that's all i need if i could get that

Speaker 2 these are your three meals there's nothing you can do look up that company is there a company called Prison Meal Plan that we can?

Speaker 2 I would love to do a company called Prison Meal Plan where a guy comes to your house and he goes, eat it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You're like, I want more.
He's like, no, go to bed, bitch. Yeah, yeah, I need that.
Prison meals. Let's see.

Speaker 2 Or how about this? How about can I go to a place

Speaker 2 for at least like a week or on two weeks? I don't want that man. Let's get him a prison menu, though.
That's what you should be eating. A package of bologna?

Speaker 2 No, no, because they don't give it that health. I want something healthy.
Okay, but healthy is going to be veggies. That's okay.
And protein. I don't care.
That's it.

Speaker 2 I need somebody to go, this is what you're going to eat. This is going to be good for you.
Kalila's in such good shape.

Speaker 2 She exercises and eats. She doesn't eat what I eat.
Okay, but you're not going to exercise, so can you. I am going to exercise.
I have exercised before. I saw the Peloton.
Yeah, I just need somebody.

Speaker 2 How many times you have to do it? I just need somebody. Just listen, man.
I just, I'm fucking panicking. I just need somebody to go, this is what you're going to eat.

Speaker 2 I think I need to go to an institution or something.

Speaker 2 Like a place where I'm going to wake wake up just for like a week or two weeks. Fat rehab.
Yeah. And go, this is what you're eating, right? Yeah.
You can't smoke. You can't do anything.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And no gadgets. No phones.
No hype. Nothing.
What are you going to be doing?

Speaker 2 Just working out the whole time? I'll write. You won't.
I will. Okay.
I want to see that. I will.

Speaker 2 Is there a place? And anyone out there listening right now, get me that place. Is there fat rehab? Weight loss treatment.
It's not fat rehab. I just need a place where I can go.

Speaker 2 Residential weight loss treatment. The first one.
Go down. Go down.
Residential weight loss treatment. Positive alternative.
This is great. You're going to a fat camp.
Yeah, yeah. Structure house.

Speaker 2 Structure house, yeah. Best residential weight loss and wellness program.
We're going to this. Okay.
Please look into this, George. You'll go with me, though.
100%. You'll check in.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I'll check in. For how long? For the show.
Oh, for how long? How long do we do it?

Speaker 2 How long does it have to be? Live in weight loss program, personal coaching, diet nutrition, behavioral therapy, fitness and exercise. Is there flexibility? Click on that one because I'd love to know.

Speaker 2 Yes. Look at that.
You can stay.

Speaker 2 What does that say? Day structure package. You could go for a day.
Just check in and check out.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's four weeks. It's one month.
Interested in a stay longer than four weeks? So most people go for four weeks. Look at the day structure package, please.
Can you click on that link? Four weeks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a month is way too long. I'm not going to do that.
I'm busy.

Speaker 2 Who is it? Okay, for those who live locally seeking benefits, so you can show up, do it, and go home. Well, really? Where is it at? Where is this at, dude?

Speaker 2 Let's find out. Look at the area code.
It's like Hawaii or something. Where? What is it? 855.
No, 855 is like an 800 number. Oh.

Speaker 2 717-1804. Let me find out.

Speaker 2 714-7-1804. Let me call and find out to see what they can bring.
Oh, look at that. Look, where is that?

Speaker 2 Oh, dude, that's not. That's North Carolina.
This is in North Carolina. Thank you for calling.
No.

Speaker 2 This is in Durham.

Speaker 2 We need to do this. You need to get this guy.

Speaker 2 We asked for a place in California. You brought me fucking North Carolina.

Speaker 2 Go back, click back on that page. God damn it, man.

Speaker 2 Man, I'm trying to save my life here, man.

Speaker 2 North Carolina's nice. North Carolina is nice.
Thank you, Pete. That's true.
Thank you, Pete.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you something that I've seen twice already on HBO? Yep.

Speaker 2 Tragedy.

Speaker 2 What is that?

Speaker 2 Tragedy. I don't know what that is.

Speaker 2 If you got there, I wanna do one and do my work. I'm gonna fly as well.
Don't time to talk.

Speaker 2 It's okay. You did nothing.

Speaker 2 You remember?

Speaker 2 You don't know that?

Speaker 2 You know what that is? Yeah, you do. Who's that?

Speaker 2 Stay alive. Stay alive.

Speaker 2 Who's that? The Bee Gees. The Bee Gees, yeah.
They have a documentary. They do? Yeah, and I've been watching it.
Look at that. I saw it twice already.
I saw it by myself. Is that good? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Here's what I like about it. Were they gay?

Speaker 2 No, man.

Speaker 2 What? They're not gay, man. Barry Gibb.
He's not gay. He's got like 52 kids.

Speaker 2 Or you can have kids and not. He's had the same wife the whole time.

Speaker 2 He's the only Gibbs brother that's alive still. You can't just say that he's gay.
I didn't say I asked. I said, is he gay? No, he's not gay at all.

Speaker 2 Well, he looked, that that picture looks gay they had gay teeth

Speaker 2 that's the only thing gay about their is their teeth does barry just say does barry gibb have gay teeth wait what does it say is he gay what does anybody say no no he's not gay i didn't know i thought

Speaker 2 does he have gay teeth yeah look at that middle picture the white one the white in the white yeah look at how sexy he is though yeah i say that as a man who might

Speaker 2 he could coerce me

Speaker 2 yeah so barry does that guy look gay rudy a little thank you it's the time period rudy it's fucking the 70s, and it was the discounts. Everybody was kind of gay.
Everyone was gay then.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they were. I'm telling you right now.
That's not a gay photo of three gay men. No, it's not.
That's not outside the Abbey. They're fucking performing, dude.
That's not outside the Abbey.

Speaker 2 What do you think they should be wearing? Paul Bunyan gear? Well, first of all, does he have a camel toe? Look in the middle. Look at how stupid.
That's Robin Gibbed. How dare you?

Speaker 2 Look at his camel toe. Yeah, he does have a camel toe.
His penis up and away. It looks like it's up and away.

Speaker 2 Look.

Speaker 2 Balls.

Speaker 2 Balls.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's up and away. It's up and away.
It's up, up, and away. Do you know why? Why?

Speaker 2 They just killed it on stage. And he's just, he rocks on it.
You never got an erection when you were on stage? No.

Speaker 2 Oh, I get it all the time. No, you don't.
Oh, I do. But no one can tell? No, they can't tell.
Oh, no, they can't. I have it like that.
I have it.

Speaker 2 It's fucked up on my belly. It's up and away.
Up and away. Yeah.
The guy on the right looks like it's a Photoshopped head. Okay.
Well, the guy on the right is Rory Scoville.

Speaker 2 So you you watched a documentary about the Gibbs. I'll tell you what I like about them.

Speaker 2 I don't like disco.

Speaker 2 You're so ignorant, dude. Oh, what's ignorant? Disco died.

Speaker 2 So it obviously wasn't worth it. Can I tell you

Speaker 2 about the Gibbs? Go ahead. All right.
So they were big in the 60s, right? And they weren't a disco band. They were like a British band, right? They did harmonizing and they were brothers.

Speaker 2 And they made it, right?

Speaker 2 They made it big in the late 60s. In Britain? And in the United States.
Right, but were they famous there first? No, they actually blew up in both places at the same time. That's incredible.
Right.

Speaker 2 So then what happened was they broke up because Robin Gibb and Barry Gibb,

Speaker 2 there was a power store struggle.

Speaker 2 Like any brothers,

Speaker 2 Noel Gallagher, Liam, it's a tale as old as time. Right.
And actually,

Speaker 2 he's in the documentary. Who, the Gallagher's? Yeah.
But just which one? Noel.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Liam's not in it.
And also

Speaker 2 one of the Jonas brothers is in it as well. That's a weird

Speaker 2 thing. Because they're talking about being brothers in the show business.
I know. So, anyway, so what happened was they did their own thing and they were eating it on their own.
So, in the

Speaker 2 early 70s, they decided to get back together

Speaker 2 and they put out two albums. And now they're doing like

Speaker 2 shit rooms. Like, they're playing bar shows.
No one's coming. 15 people are coming.
It's over, right?

Speaker 2 In fact, they would tell Robin,

Speaker 2 don't look, tell Robin not to look in the audience

Speaker 2 because he would see what's half full. Oh, man.
Right? Yeah. Right.
So then what happened was

Speaker 2 Eric Clapton, who was signed by the same manager, did an album in Miami.

Speaker 2 And he just suggested to the boys, like, well, just come out here. You always record your albums in England.
Come out here and record an album.

Speaker 2 And there's also an energy going on, you know, the Miami sound or whatever. And these guys went out there and they had one shot.
One fucking shot. And they did it.

Speaker 2 And they changed their sound, right and that's what we call disco birth disco was birth it reinvented them and it was an amazing it's an amazing thing achievement because it's like most bands after the 60s when they die they're gone forever

Speaker 2 you know well if you if you flop once it's hard to come back so hard especially when you're known for one thing but these fuckers reinvented themselves it's really impressive it is impressive i just the music itself is never my it's just not i know but like i know but what happened was because of people like you white dudes like like you, and it's so interesting that you say.

Speaker 2 These are white people, by the way.

Speaker 2 There are. There are whites.

Speaker 2 The Gibbs? They couldn't be more white. They're Nordic.
That's us. That's the most white.
Up north is white, white. Oh, that's true.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 These are like the Viking people. But

Speaker 2 be honest, though, there's two different kinds of whites. Sure.
Right. You have...
Which one am I? The ones, the hardcore ones. Oh, I'm white.
So you're like working-class white. Right.
Trash.

Speaker 2 Garbage. You can say it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? Trash white. But then you have like

Speaker 2 Liberace.

Speaker 2 White. Fancy white.
White. You have Liberace.
You have

Speaker 2 Siegfried and Roy.

Speaker 2 Fancy. Fancy.
Gay. Fancy.

Speaker 2 They're gay. Yeah.
Those are all gay. They're gay.
Why? Because they like sparkles. Was Liberace gay? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But they like sparkles and they like tigers. Gay.
And lions.

Speaker 2 And then when they die, they have to wear them as well, right? I know. Right? So, look at here.
They like to grow their hair like lions. Fancy.
Right. They're fancy.
They're fancy.

Speaker 2 So what I'm saying is when the disco

Speaker 2 was huge, there was a guy in Chicago,

Speaker 2 much like you, me, who started this disco sucks movement, which I couldn't agree with more. Right.
So he had all these people come out to Wrigley's

Speaker 2 Wrigley Field. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Bring all your disco albums. We call it church.
Yeah, disco albums. Put it in the middle of Wrigley's Field.
And burn it. And we're going to explode them in a bomb.
Dude, that guy's the best.

Speaker 2 Who's that guy? Look up the disco sucks guy.

Speaker 2 Dude, that guy. That's you.
Yeah, it is. And when we were watching the documentary, we both at the same time go when he popped up on the screen.
You and Kalila? We went, Andrew.

Speaker 2 I want to play this guy if they make a scripted version of this. Disco demolition night.
Oh, my God, at Comiskey Park, a wrong stadium. Oh, sorry, I didn't know.
Wow, dude.

Speaker 2 And they brought their records and burned them at Kamiski Park. July 12th, 1979, at Kamiski Park, which is where the White Sox used to play.
They turned away 15,000 people.

Speaker 2 That's how many people hit hit it. We want 15,000 people with albums.
Can we get in? That's how much they hated it. Dude, that's incredible.
And by the way, who's the name?

Speaker 2 It says it right there, doesn't it? The playing in the field was damaged that the fans of the White Sox were required to forfeit the second game to the Tigers because it was a double header.

Speaker 2 That's the guy, Steve Dahl, is an American radio person. He's the owner and operator of Steve Dahl Network, and he's the one that was campaigning this.
He's a Chicago shock jock guy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Come on and bring your records down to Kamiski this weekend. And back then,

Speaker 2 he was like a punk rocker. Back then in the 70s, he he was like hardcore.
A fatter with a green, you know. Still pretty fat.
That's true. So this guy made you bring him down.

Speaker 2 And so admission was discounted at 98 cents to attendees. But who wins at the end of the day? They bought the records.
The Bean Gees. The Bee Gees will forever be known for...

Speaker 2 They have like eight songs that are just never going to go away in our conscience. Yeah, no, no, she doesn't know who that is.
They've gone away. It's our generation.
No, Don.

Speaker 2 Do you know who the Bee Gees are?

Speaker 3 I know their music, not the...

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know the music.
You know that song? Yeah. Yeah, because in the Philippines, that's probably a hit now.
Everyone fucking knows.

Speaker 2 It's the Bee Gees.

Speaker 2 That's probably their thing now in the Philippines. Today.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how far behind are the Philippines in music? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Well, they always say, like, Asia is a couple years behind, right? Like, a hit song out here is going to be late there. Not anymore, dude.
The internet, bro. What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 2 No, that's true because their culture, their pop culture, music is bigger than ours. They're creating

Speaker 2 their own pop culture now, fucking that. Some of them.
No, all of them. No, K-pop is big.

Speaker 2 But not in Japan and not in China. They're still behind us.
They are. Japan is not behind us in any way.
As far as our music is. In terms of film, music, any of that.
No, man.

Speaker 2 Our hits here happen first and then they get over there. So by the time they're burnt here, they start to get over there.
That's just fact. That's just truth.

Speaker 2 So what you're saying right now is like some Japanese guy is opening up a present from their parents and they go, Sublime album? Yes.

Speaker 2 40 ounces to freedom,

Speaker 2 and they're saying, and they don't practice Santoria.

Speaker 2 That's the whole, then that's their whole life now, and they're like memorizing their favorite new artist's name, Billy Joe Armstrong, Billy Joe Armstrong. So they, does it, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So they remember it locks into their brain.

Speaker 2 Do you know, do you know Green Day? Do you know that band?

Speaker 2 God, that's so funny.

Speaker 2 Billy Joe Armstrong wrote you a fucking letter. He sent me coffee.
Timeout.

Speaker 2 Are you friends with him? Yeah. You are? Yeah.

Speaker 2 He did TB?

Speaker 2 He did the belly? I have a weird story with him. With Billy Joel Armstrong? Yeah, yeah.
Please.

Speaker 2 Arguably,

Speaker 2 so much of my influence was in the band that I was doing. He did Mad TV, right? Oh, he was a guest.
Yeah, Green Day played Mad TV. Right.

Speaker 2 We would get like Marilyn Manson and Green Day to play Mad TV, right? Yeah. And

Speaker 2 that's where I learned. That's where I met like Ryan Reynolds.
We had young actors as well that would guest star or whatever, right?

Speaker 2 So, um, that's where I met Billy, but then like Billy and I became, for some reason, Mad TV was like, um, we're gonna send you out to the Grammys to meet for to me, and you're gonna interview people on the red carpet.

Speaker 2 So, I would, yeah, so in, I would, like, interview people at, like, you know, the Emmys

Speaker 2 or the Grammys. Didn't you like that? I hated it.
Why, Bob? Because you're with the press, so it's like,

Speaker 2 I want to be, no, at the time, no one knew who I was. So, I want to to be like on the red carpet, and I'm with 50,000 people with cameras and going, Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, it was terrible. Didn't they have a press person go, excuse me, we have a guy from Matt TV, a comedian? Nobody would want to do it.
Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sorry. I said something

Speaker 2 so hacky and amazing. Give it sweat so much.

Speaker 2 I can't help it. Please.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It's so embarrassing.
So, what? We all have embarrassing shit.

Speaker 2 What was it?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I'm and me and Nicole Parker at the Emmys

Speaker 2 and no one will come

Speaker 2 and then William H. Macy love right decides to come right and I guess I said

Speaker 2 so um how's the department stores

Speaker 2 Did you really say that to William H. Macy? How are the department stores? Do you even get that joke, Rudy? No.
There's a department stores called Macy's. Do you know Macy's? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, like Nordstrom's. His response was worse.
Yeah, he probably said, go fuck yourself. No.

Speaker 2 You're a comedian? And he walked away. Oh, my God.
I like that guy so much more. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 How much more do I like William H. Macy now that he said that, dude, you're a comedian? Walks away.

Speaker 2 But it was one of those things where it's like when it was coming out of my mouth, my mind and my filter and everything about me inside.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Code red, bail, bail. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But it was still coming out. It was still coming out.
How did, how did you get? And they're like, sorry, boss, it's already in the filter thing, you know? We sent it out. Shut it out.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? What did Nicole say? Oh, she blushed. All the blood, you know what I mean? Just rushed into her face red.

Speaker 2 And she was just kind of looking on the ground, cross-eyed, sweat dripping. Upset.
Because imagine. So you're, he goes, and you're a comedian.
He walks away. This is me.

Speaker 2 i would love to see it and nicole parker is we're just sitting there like this and and i i remember turning to nicole going something like this is my last one of these how many had you done like six or seven

Speaker 2 were they paying you money well the show was but i mean that was just a thing you had to do outside of the show and also the show i mean obviously you're on a late night schedule you're not making that much money to ruin your career that's going that started your career

Speaker 2 at the time though you think it's done yeah you know how's this the department's

Speaker 2 you're a comedian, huh? Oh my god, the panel. How what did Billy Joel say? What I want to know.
Anyway, so Billy Joel, right?

Speaker 2 One I remember one night it was after some event or something and his him his wife and him, I didn't know them at all. Right, like you, what do you mean? I barely knew him.

Speaker 2 You know, I mean, he was always nice to me, though. Yeah,

Speaker 2 he was always like a really nice guy. He really is.
If you ever met, you ever met him? No. But I think they're phenomenal.
So talented. Trey Cool.

Speaker 2 I remember he goes, ah, fuck, let's not go to that bar. And he goes,

Speaker 2 we're staying at this hotel. My wife and I, come just to the room.
We'll hang out.

Speaker 2 I swear to God.

Speaker 2 No, it wasn't that vibe. No, it wasn't the, yeah.

Speaker 2 It wasn't that vibe. It wasn't that vibe.
No, no.

Speaker 2 So I just remember like. I'm just going to go to the room and hang out with my wife.

Speaker 2 His wife was in the room. I know, but also let's just

Speaker 2 this is what happened. Never inviting someone up to my room with my wife.
Back then,

Speaker 2 it was the 90s. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So we were just like, I just remember,

Speaker 2 he's laying on the bed.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 It wasn't

Speaker 2 on my back. Laying on the bed.
I'm laying on my back, and his wife was knitting. This is hot.
On the fucking couch. This is poor.
She was like making a blanket or something.

Speaker 2 And we talked for like three or four hours. Just sitting on the beds.
No, I'm laying on the ground. He's laying on the bed.
We're just laughing and telling stories and stuff.

Speaker 2 And I remember just going, all right, later, and I left. It was really sweet.
Yeah, it was a cool little. I've had so many little moments, weird moments like that.

Speaker 2 You have to cherish those and know that those are really important instead of when you get upset and you get weirded out by the business and you're sad.

Speaker 2 You have those moments for the rest of your life. If I look back, I have so many little moments like when John Cena, like you know, John Cena, right? No, I don't know who John Cena is.

Speaker 2 Who is he?

Speaker 2 He's an actor. Is he, though?

Speaker 2 He's in the W. He was in the WWE.
I know know i saw fast nine i saw i saw fast

Speaker 2 john cena john cena is like the main opposition to so he um

Speaker 2 i remember like when we're all about family

Speaker 2 i remember we did um

Speaker 2 24 with bobby lee right

Speaker 2 and i john cena i go i'm

Speaker 2 we did it in my apartment so i go i'm i go i'm sleeping so you have to wake me up so slap me in the chest. So the first day he goes, like that.

Speaker 2 And I go, and I kind of got mad. I was just like, dude.
Hit me. But this is television.
It reads. Hit me.
Hit me as hard as you can. Yes.
And he goes, I'll break every bone in your body. I go, hit me.

Speaker 2 I will break.

Speaker 2 Hit me. See, I just remember like laying there and then like knocking out.
Oh, he woke you up to knock you out? No, I was unconscious.

Speaker 2 Like, he went

Speaker 2 right on my thing, right? And

Speaker 2 went to heaven, right? Jesus. And I came back back into my body, right?

Speaker 2 And then for some reason, I got up and then I go, go back to the first thing. Yeah, do what you did before.
Yeah, do what you did before. You're right.

Speaker 2 Was he a cool guy? I love him. One of the nicest guys.
See how many small, beautiful moments. But I have these little tiny moments with Billy Joel, with John Cena, with a million things.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you another thing. I ever tell you about the Asian sex party?

Speaker 2 Wait. Have we talked about that on this show? Yeah, I think that was one of the first five episodes.
We did. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 I've had a lot of, I've been lucky to to have a lot of little moments but i was so young in the business that you've had good moments well when i did punked we met a million celebrities right but i just but i was so embarrassed about doing the show that it was a little hard for me like i drake i drove drake to meet the president he thought he was meeting barack obama and joe biden also you're also playing you have to be in the scene and commit to the scene and you have to play this guy almost be invisible.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You have to be a chameleon. That must be hard.
And then it's also like, it's not as if you're the star of the show. You're kind of just a player,

Speaker 2 right? So you have to kind of be unknown almost. Well, you do have to be unknown.
And then afterwards, sometimes they like you and you get to know them. I mean, that's how I got to know Bam Margera.

Speaker 2 Like, I got to know some people from the show because afterwards they were like, yo, that was great. Yeah.
Because we also wrote the show. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So that was cool. But there were moments where,

Speaker 2 you know. We would have to mess with celebrities and you're like, then they're upset when it's over.
And then they hate you. And you're like, it's not me.
It's a thing. And they're like, no, fuck you.

Speaker 2 Really? Kind of. I mean, are there times where, I mean, obviously this happens where they go,

Speaker 2 I'm not going to sign the NDA for that. All the time.
Release. That happened so much.
It was insane.

Speaker 2 And then you have some producers come up and be like, come on, man. They beg and they offer money and whatever they can do.

Speaker 2 I mean, it just doesn't work because people are like, no, we're not going to do it. Wow.

Speaker 2 Unless the star that punked them was so big, like when Bieber did people, when we worked with him, no one was going to say no. Right.
Because the airtime for them was like huge. Anybody said yeah.

Speaker 2 Mac Miller, who's passed away, he was incredible. And he was a kid.
He was probably 18 or 17. And man, he was so good, so young.

Speaker 2 Overdose.

Speaker 2 I mean, you know, it's really weird because it was like, it was an accident. I think he went to bed and took a couple pills to go to sleep and just didn't wake up.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's the kind of stuff that you should be lucky that you're alive because of all the stuff that you did. Some people just take a couple pills and they never wake up.
Yeah. And you did so much

Speaker 2 more. Yeah.
But you never did pills.

Speaker 2 That was my main thing. No, but you didn't like mix a bunch of stuff and then take pills and go to bed.
Yeah, I would take

Speaker 2 six volumes. At night before you went to sleep? Yeah.
Oh, shit. I mean, Jerry Seinfeld saw my dick.

Speaker 2 What is up with that?

Speaker 2 You'd hear about that? Yeah, we've talked about that on here. Yeah, we did.
Yeah. About Jerry.
Yeah, he hated it. Well, apparently it was just a rumor.
All right, George, I sometimes repeat myself.

Speaker 2 There's no way you don't have to fucking shame me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we heard about that already. Move on.
He does that thing where he gets a little too uppity-buppity. It's also, dude, listen.
Do you know what he didn't do? You know what he didn't do?

Speaker 2 Didn't introduce me to his wife at the party. She had to come up to me.
I know. I saw that.
She goes, hi. We didn't get to meet.
Yeah, I saw that.

Speaker 2 George, why didn't you introduce me to your wife and your baby? I was busy with my baby. Sorry, sir.

Speaker 2 But I show up, I say hi.

Speaker 2 How nice, Bob, was I? I went around to everybody. You were a sweetheart.
And I went around to to everybody and I said, hi. And you know who's the sweetest to me? Yeah.
Everybody but George.

Speaker 2 Who I know on the most personal. I know you more than anybody there.
Kalila's mom was so polite and nice. The red-headed firefighter guy was incredible.
Jeff. Jeff.
Yeah, yeah. Whose wife works for?

Speaker 2 NASA. But at UCLA, but it's NASA, too.
Oh, did you get that? My favorite thing about

Speaker 2 when Bobby

Speaker 2 when you introduce me to people,

Speaker 2 your information I know is wrong. No, it's not that I like to embellish and make people look good.
Always. Right? So if you.
You go, she works for NASA. And I go, really?

Speaker 2 And I go, in what capacity? You go, dude, on the aerospace, on the fucking rockets. And I was like, whoa.
And so when Jeff goes, hey, great to meet you. And I said, great to meet you.

Speaker 2 And then he said, I said, your wife works for NASA. That's incredible.
He goes, she works for UCLA, but in conjunction with NASA. I go, is she a rocket scientist?

Speaker 2 And he goes, well, she works on the pieces for the

Speaker 2 pieces that go for the rockets. She works at NASA.
You made it sound like

Speaker 2 she's fucking in a rocket. Say that.
She was like a fucking business. Does Tito Bobby exaggerate when he meets when he's talking about people and what they do? A little.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're going to add another minute tonight for your tear set. No.
Yeah, yeah. No.
Another minute tonight.

Speaker 2 Just a couple of minutes. More extra minutes.
No.

Speaker 2 Tell me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If we, if this goes well, this thing that we're doing, do you want to do a Bad Friends tour or no?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Because last time we talked about it, you were a little skeptical.
In fact, you didn't even tell me you wanted a tour until 2020. I think that we should do this.

Speaker 2 I think here's what I'm willing to do. I'm willing to do, like,

Speaker 2 how about if I do 15, 20 minutes on stage as stand-up, you do 30 or whatever you want to do, right?

Speaker 2 Then we do.

Speaker 2 Come out together and do the show. Come out together.
But we also do a podcast almost. Yeah, you come out and do the show.
We do a live podcast.

Speaker 2 How do we do it? If we could do it somehow where we do the live podcast, but also do a little stand-up and also do a little double thing, right? And then Jules is there too on stage, right?

Speaker 2 If we go on tour, you're going. Yeah.

Speaker 2 When does school start in the fall?

Speaker 3 August 30th.

Speaker 2 August 30th. Yeah.
And then what do you have to do for school? Can you do stuff online?

Speaker 2 It doesn't have to be in person.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it doesn't have to be in person.

Speaker 2 Dude, the world has changed so much. I know.

Speaker 2 That's insane to me.

Speaker 2 Now she can tour. You can tour with us.
And she doesn't have to worry about missing anything because we just have to have internet for her. You just have to get those little...

Speaker 2 What are those, you know, like mobile hotspots or whatever? That's what we need to do. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, what a life. Honestly, let's book some dates then.
Let's try one. We will.
No, like in August. I'm serious.
Let's do it. Because that's funny.
Because

Speaker 2 speaking of Rudy's popularity, which is a little much, she was getting drunk at your house, dude. She was on four white claws.
Not even just let me say something. Shit faced.

Speaker 2 Because when I looked over and I said, she was blitzed. I said, what are you doing over there, Rudy? And she goes, fuck off.

Speaker 2 That's what she said by the pool. Fuck off.
Yeah. I did not like it.
I didn't like the attitude, but she said, Black cherry. That's what she said.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Charles Bukowski is my favorite.

Speaker 2 Is that what she said? Yeah, Charles Bukowski is my favorite. You're big on Bukowski now? Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, yeah, you know. You are.

Speaker 2 I feel cool that

Speaker 2 she's no longer a high schooler. I can see it now.

Speaker 2 Now she's an adult to you? Well, she put a half a tank of gas in the car, which was cool. Did you really?

Speaker 3 I put full, not half.

Speaker 2 It wasn't full.

Speaker 2 It wasn't full. Is that the first time you've ever pumped your own gas?

Speaker 3 No, I did it while he was away.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it wasn't full. It was a full.
No, it wasn't full. It was full.
I swear on my mother's life it wasn't.

Speaker 3 You're just blind, Tito Bobby.

Speaker 2 Whoa. Whoa, whoa.
He's not going to swear on his mother's life or something. That's not true.
Speaking of which, we still need to go out to Phoenix and see your mom. We will.
I'm just blind? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Another minute. Move.

Speaker 2 What is that? Five now? Yeah, it's six minutes. Oh, six minutes now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You listen, you keep amping it up. This is what you're going to get into.

Speaker 2 What's the male Karen? Chad. Chad? That's what they deemed it Chad? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, Chad is the male Karen. Yeah, you've seen this guy, you know, this guy.
So, for the context, Bob, show me the video.

Speaker 2 See, he says the n-word, he's yelling at someone who's recording, and he and then he's bold enough to give his address. Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's the best. And okay, let's play the video and then, you know, play the play video.

Speaker 4 That's me talking shit.

Speaker 4 3602,

Speaker 4 that's where I live. Come fucking see me.

Speaker 2 He's gonna hit pelted pelted in the face.

Speaker 2 Look at the guy.

Speaker 2 This guy does a fucking slam dunk water bottle. Right here.
Amazing. Watch what this guy does.

Speaker 2 This guy's the best. We got to get this guy on a podcast.
Look at a podcast. Here's a D1 athlete.
Here's a D1 athlete. Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at these hops. Watch.
Dude in the hat. No!

Speaker 2 So wait a minute. He got pelted with bottles outside of his house.
Did they police escort him away? Is that what it was? Well, they arrested him for

Speaker 2 harassment.

Speaker 2 Because he was harassing someone that

Speaker 2 didn't want him to get killed. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's handcuffed, right?

Speaker 2 And he's like,

Speaker 2 also, they broke the windows of his house. Yeah.
You don't yell the N-word and then say your address and say, come see me.

Speaker 2 The bummest fucking white nationalist I've ever seen. Dumb.
Your address.

Speaker 2 My address? To your enemy. I would give your address.
I'd give your address. And then your address.

Speaker 2 You don't give your own address. What kind of dip shit goes, yeah, come see me.
You attack an entire race of people and go, come to my house. Right.
And you're not in the South.

Speaker 2 No, dude, you're in New Jersey. Yeah, you're in Jersey.

Speaker 2 You're in New Jersey.

Speaker 2 Not hard to get to.

Speaker 2 Not hard to get to.

Speaker 2 The fact that this, by the way,

Speaker 2 you know who I feel kind of bummed for? These cops are getting pelted with shit.

Speaker 2 And they're like, all we're trying to do is get this racist out of here so you guys don't kill him and we have to clean up a murder scene. See, I'll tell you why, because when you

Speaker 2 the video that we saw before,

Speaker 2 it's a longer video.

Speaker 2 So there's a moment where... Do you know the whole context of the video? The moment he's saying all these racial, like these, whatever, whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a cop there.

Speaker 2 Oh. Right?

Speaker 2 And then he's like, he can't do nothing.

Speaker 2 You know, the white nationalist is like, I know the law. You mean, I can say whatever I want.
They all know the law, by the way. These guys are big.
They're lawyers.

Speaker 2 You know, this guy, they're all lawyers. White nationalists are all lawyers.
Yeah. That's my favorite thing on the internet.
They go, I know my rights. Yeah.
Do you? Yeah. Do you grade school dropout?

Speaker 2 Do you really know your rights? But let's take First Amendment right. They go, I'm exercising my First Amendment rights.
No, man, you can't yell racial epithets in the street.

Speaker 2 Regardless, it's like, but these people, too, are exercising their rights. Well, not to throw bottles at your face.

Speaker 2 That's just karma. I know, but to show up.
To show up, yeah, that's it. Yeah, they're all up to you.
They can show up inside your house. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And protest your house. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And protest you as a human.

Speaker 2 Hitting you in the face with a bottle, illegal, but also

Speaker 2 funny. Funny and funny.
Funny.

Speaker 2 Check on very funny. Hey, man, turns out you can't yell the N-word in the street and then give your address and then expect people not to show up and hit you in the face with stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just a vague. That's an idea.
Hey, by the way, if you hate black people or anybody,

Speaker 2 don't yell it in the street and then give your address. Simple rule.
I would love to have a time machine. Simple rule.
Go back in the past, you know, back like if escaped,

Speaker 2 like a slave escaped a plantation, white people would gather together with torches, like just like this, but the opposite and hunt this person down. Yeah.
Right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would love to go back in the past and just have this video. I'm not laughing at what you're saying.
I'm laughing at where your head is going.

Speaker 2 And just to look at these white people and go, This is the future.

Speaker 2 Show them what it's doing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It'll blow their minds. Yeah.
Be careful what you're doing now because this is the future.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Go back to right under the play button.

Speaker 2 Scroll back. Yeah, scrub to there.
Here's where we watch our boy dunk one more time. Let's watch him dunk one more time.

Speaker 2 I'll give you. Hold on.

Speaker 2 You can turn the music off. Yeah,

Speaker 2 if you pause at the right spot. Okay, go

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 mid-hop. Ready?

Speaker 2 And now. Beautiful.
Beautiful. Look at that.
The hops on him.

Speaker 2 The hops. Yeah.
Look at the hook. You know what? Also, for better grippage?

Speaker 2 The glove. Oh, he's got a glove on.
For better grippage. Because he was like, if I'm throwing water bottles, you know I'm bringing a glove.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So it doesn't slip. You know what I mean? Because the water doesn't come.

Speaker 2 Genius. It's genius.
Now let's see how hard he throws it. Let's press play.

Speaker 2 Really good rotation.

Speaker 2 The follow-through was incredible. It's a spike.

Speaker 2 It's a volleyball spike. It was a spike, dude.
Volleyball coaches all over the country. Yeah.
We've got your guy. Press play.
And...

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I mean, look at the elevation. Scholarship.
Look at the D1. D1 scholarship.
Hello, UCLA.

Speaker 2 I have your guy. This guy's the best.
Look at the elevation. Look at the elevation.
He used another human being. His shoulder.
As a shoulder pump. Perfect.
If you're going to jump. Look at it.

Speaker 2 If you're going to jump and red. Look at it.
Look at him.

Speaker 2 Well, he's holding on to one of his buddies. Yeah.
It's like the Olympics where they go on the hobby horse thing. The pommel horse.

Speaker 2 He's pummel horsing another person. That's amazing.
By the way, this is sprinkled with some whites out there. Yeah.
They got some love. They got some local white support.

Speaker 2 Look at there's a grocery bag. Someone was just shopping trying to get home.
Somebody was just coming home from Trader Joe's. See, speaking of the Olympics, that Shakari Richardson thing is bullshit.

Speaker 2 Oh, the weed thing? It's bullshit.

Speaker 2 Go on.

Speaker 2 Her mom died. Yeah.
Two weeks before it. Yeah.
She wanted to smoke a little weed. Yeah, the problem is...

Speaker 2 No, there's no problem. No, no, no.
Here's my thing. There's no problem.

Speaker 2 I think it's bullshit that weed is still federally illegal. That's our bigger problem.
So the Olympics Committee now is obeying by the rules of the federal government,

Speaker 2 which the whole thing is fucked up because

Speaker 2 they're allowed to approve certain drugs.

Speaker 2 You can take Advil. I can tell pain relief.
I can even take cortisol. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But because it's still federally legal, they still obey by the federal law. Yeah.

Speaker 2 My bigger question is, why is it still federally illegal?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's crazy. Why is it that I'm in the state that I'm in? I can smoke pot on my porch with my family.
Yeah. I can go home with my family.
I can smoke a big joint. With your family.
Yep. I can't.

Speaker 2 With your kids. Well, no, not with my kids.
But I mean, seriously. Yeah.
And it's. With your grandparents.
And we're good.

Speaker 2 The moment I cross an invisible line, and invisible estates are invisible lines. Yeah.
Now you go, you can go to prison for that.

Speaker 2 For life. The dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life.
It's dumb. My bigger problem, the Olympics thing is bad.
I feel bad. But how is this still illegal? I can't.

Speaker 2 That's the broader. That's the broader problem.

Speaker 2 Well, no, because I'm looking at it from, I'm saying I understand why people are mad about it, but moreover, it goes, how come we can't go, can we fix this already and just make it federally legal, get this over with?

Speaker 2 Because this is the kind of stuff where you go, this is why,

Speaker 2 this is why the country hates each other, is because certain states have certain laws that don't abide by other states and other laws. And just because of that, the politics come into play.

Speaker 2 It's all bullshit. It's all bullshit.

Speaker 2 Let these people smoke pot. It infringes on no one's rights.
We can let the states do what they want to do for their own people. I think it should be federally legal across the board.

Speaker 2 Let the people do what they want to do with their own people. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I feel bad for that chick. I think it sucks.
I think it's fucking bullshit. But also.
He's not a performance enhancement drug.

Speaker 2 Oh, Michael Phelps won fucking the most gold medals of all time, and he was an avid pot smoker. Yeah, what happened there?

Speaker 2 Nothing.

Speaker 2 But was he tested?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 he would pass those tests before he went to swim. Yeah, I guess that's her bad, the timing.
Part of it is like, lady,

Speaker 2 don't you know you got to run in the Olympics? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my other side of the story is I'm like, it's bullshit, but also someone should have gone, Shikari.
Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 You guys might probably have to run in a pregnant Olympics. Like, if Shikari was at the weed party with the circle, you know, they're passing the joint.
You're passing the joint.

Speaker 2 And I was next to her.

Speaker 2 I'd be like,

Speaker 2 I get it, right?

Speaker 2 I'd pass it back to the test. No, you wouldn't.
You'd be so enamored by the fact that you're with one of the greatest Olympic runners of all time.

Speaker 2 She's She's like, I'm not supposed to because I'm running. And you're like, maybe a little bit?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I don't think so.
Maybe a little bit? No, I think I'd be like, nah, you got to run, Chicago. You're like, you're an Olympics.
You're an Olympics girl. We can't give it to you.

Speaker 2 Wouldn't you do that as a friend, though? If I was running. No, because let me tell you something.
Yeah, or floating. I'm friends with certain pro athletes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't.

Speaker 2 If I was getting high with a pro athlete but knew that they're not supposed to get high, I wouldn't stop them. It's not my job.
They're adults. Who am I to tell them not to smoke pot?

Speaker 2 Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Who am I? You're his friend. I know, but it's not my bit.

Speaker 2 He could be like, shut the fuck up, bitch. And I'd be like, okay, here's the weed.
The Shikari thing, but by the way,

Speaker 2 it's a two-sided story to me. I feel bad for her because it's bullshit.

Speaker 2 But these two things can coexist, but at the same time,

Speaker 2 why did you do it right before the Olympics?

Speaker 2 That's my problem. It's a two-way street.
It's a bummer. It's also bullshit.

Speaker 2 It's also bullshit. They should let her run.
Of course they should.

Speaker 2 You didn't violate any real. You got a great personality, a great violence.
By the way, the amount of Olympians that cheat and use HGA cheats. I know, dude.
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Lance Armstrong was like, yeah, we all were taking steroids. Yeah.
Every fucking buddy, the Tour de France was all steroids. But maybe that's a lesson to learn.

Speaker 2 Maybe future Olympic runners will be like, well, remember Shakari, what happened to Shakari?

Speaker 2 I think the bigger issue, again, is, yes, it is a lesson, but it's a lesson that our country should federally legalize a fucking plant that has literally no performance-enhancing fucking bit.

Speaker 2 There's no scientific research that has been proven to find that marijuana gives you a scientific edge. Or, I mean,

Speaker 2 a performance.

Speaker 2 You would think it would deter somebody. It would

Speaker 2 hurt them. It's kind of the old joke.
It's like, oh, you get sleepy and hungry. You wouldn't want to run.
But it's like, but some people do use it during performance.

Speaker 2 I know guys that smoke pot and go for long runs. They only will run when they're stone.
I know dude that smoke pot and lift weights. And act in scenes.
Oh, please. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 I've been with those guys all day long. There's guys I have.
How do you fucking do that?

Speaker 2 Keenan from SNL, they say he's stoned the whole time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But he's a professional pot smoker. That's what it is.
When you smoke pot all the time, your body's used to it.

Speaker 2 Would you be able to act?

Speaker 3 No, I'd be just sleepy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Sleepy.
So sleepy. The point is, it's bullshit.
Let her fucking run. Also, legalize pot.
Can we grow up and legalize pot?

Speaker 2 And because our tonight show, the show tonight is going to feature Rudy Jules.

Speaker 2 I want her to end the show. You know, last time people got mad, we didn't say thank you for being a bad friend.
Yeah. So we're going to do it now.

Speaker 2 All of us in the room, as loud as we can on the count of three. You guys, too.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Bob.

Speaker 2 Look at me.

Speaker 2 We're going to do it together. One.

Speaker 2 Two.

Speaker 2 Three. Bob.

Speaker 2 One, two, three. Thank you for being a bad friend.