The Boys Are Back!

Speaker 1 I am so excited for this spa day.

Speaker 2 Candles lit.

Speaker 1 Music on.

Speaker 2 Hot tub warm and ready.

Speaker 3 And then my chronic hives come back.

Speaker 1 Again, in the middle of my spa day. What a wet blanket.
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You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. What's up, Red? You good? Good to see you, pal.
What's up? What a good time.

Speaker 2 It's great.

Speaker 2 What's up, pal?

Speaker 2 Can't wait for this. How's my little boy? Oh, man, it's great, man.
How's my little boy? Can't wait for this, man. Rudy.
It's like a fucking reunion. Look at your hair.

Speaker 2 Wow. It's a real reunion, man.
Rudy. Who did she? She's fucking

Speaker 2 you think you're Selena? Welcome back, Tito Bobby. You wrote this? Oh, look at this.
Who spent time on this? I did. This is a fucking

Speaker 2 10-second fucking job here.

Speaker 2 She just did this. Did you just do it? You're your friend's back, and I'm good again.
She's fucking trouble.

Speaker 2 Hey, na. I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 2 My Bobo's back. It's weird to be back.
It's weird to be back. And I missed him so much.

Speaker 2 Hey. Hey.
I missed his Asian touch. Bum bum bum.

Speaker 2 Okay. What's up, you guys? What's up, man?

Speaker 2 So, how was the fat one? Was he good?

Speaker 2 The numbers were good. Yeah,

Speaker 2 we were slacking on our pimp people. But I love that.
But it's so nice that the fat one, you know what I mean, filled in. I'm glad that you're back.
It's good to be here. How do you show?

Speaker 2 You know what? I should not call him that. You already did.
I know I already did. And let's erase that part.
But here's the deal, okay? Yeah. That I'm not used to being back.

Speaker 2 So I'm going to have to do some editing. And, you know, I'm going to have to put it through a filter in my brain.
Like self-censorship? Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I mean, let's start from the top.

Speaker 2 How was Eric? Was he good?

Speaker 2 How was Eric? Was he good? Eric who. Griffin.

Speaker 2 He did this show? Yeah,

Speaker 2 I was looking at the social media. Not that I remember.
Oh. Yeah, he was great.
Yeah, yeah. We had some good fill-in guests.
And wait a minute. Rudy Jules, what's up with your hair?

Speaker 2 What's up with your hair, girl? You know what I'm proud about her with her hair? Yeah.

Speaker 2 She was just basically like yesterday, like, I'm going to go get my hat done. And I'm like, oh, do you need it? And she goes, I got it.
So she's self-efficient. Wow.
She makes appointments on her own.

Speaker 2 She's independent. She tells her, I want to do the billy eyelash with the streaks.
You know what I mean? Oh, you want to be billy eyelashes?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. She does her nails.
I want to do the billy eyelash. I'm not doing anything with my nails.

Speaker 2 That's what she's been doing since I've been back. It's her raising of her voice.
And I frustrate her. By the way, did you write that? Welcome back, Tito Bobby.
You wrote that? Give me that.

Speaker 2 Let me see that. Yeah, yeah.
That's insane. That's insane.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 I mean, analyze it.

Speaker 2 Do you want to talk about minimal effort?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Nothing.

Speaker 2 Dude, I sign autographs better than 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're going to college?

Speaker 2 You have terrible handwriting. Yeah, yeah.
Welcome back. Oh, my God.
You spelled welcome wrong.

Speaker 2 Look at her face. No, I'm kidding.
No, it looks good. Yeah.
I like your hair. I like this.

Speaker 2 This is called Ombre, right? Yeah. I'm learning.

Speaker 4 And I got a shag.

Speaker 2 What's a shag?

Speaker 4 Like the Dubabis.

Speaker 2 You mean like a mullet? No, you didn't see what I got going on. What?

Speaker 2 You don't see what I got going on. Let me see, bro.

Speaker 2 Oh, bro. Bro, bro, bro.
Am I from Blade Runner or what, bro?

Speaker 2 I'm from the future, right? Undercut, bro. Yeah.
Skate or die. Are you a poser? No, I'm like a cyborg.

Speaker 2 You know what? I'm like a cyborg. What are those like Reaple men? Can I say something to you and don't take this the wrong way?

Speaker 2 That thins you out.

Speaker 2 That's what she said yesterday. You look thinner with that.
That's what everyone said yesterday. Well, you should shave the other side and see how thin you get.

Speaker 2 There you go, buddy.

Speaker 2 What do you think? You look good. Thanks, man.
Hungary treated you well, huh?

Speaker 2 Let's talk about Hungary.

Speaker 2 I can't believe you got into a fist fight with Kate Blanchette. That's crazy.

Speaker 2 Fucking fist, by the way. Kate Blanchette, Bobby called me and she.
I didn't get a fist fight with her. She came to his room.
Don't say stuff like that.

Speaker 2 She came up to his room and she was like, It's me, it's Kate Blanchette.

Speaker 2 And Bobby said, Oh, what's up? And then he opens the door and she goes, They delivered my chicken strips to your room. And Bobby had already eaten all the chicken strips.
And she's like, You fat fuck.

Speaker 2 And they got into a fist fight and you punched Kate Blanchette. Can I tell you my relationship with Kate Blanchette? Yeah, what is it? Okay.

Speaker 2 I'll just give you an example. So

Speaker 2 the second of the last day I was there,

Speaker 2 I went to the restaurant that was in the hotel.

Speaker 2 And Kate was there with Gina Gershon. They were having breakfast, right? Okay.
And they both look at me and they go, what's up, Bobby? And I walk by so fast with my phone.

Speaker 2 I wasn't talking to anybody. Why did you do that? Because I get so nervous.
Around Kate?

Speaker 2 Around them, right? I go, hey, it's like good morning. Right.
And I'm really, this weird. You just got the morning? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just got sketched the morning. Right.
And I just like run past.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 and then I'll eventually come back because then I'll sit there and I'll go you shouldn't have done that man what now they think you're a fucking meth addict you know what I mean yeah weird right so then I'll sorry guys I just woke up needed to get my coffee you know I mean that type I'm like a weird guy dude well but but you told me you also interacted with them you went out to dinner you

Speaker 2 went

Speaker 2 okay in the beginning okay so in the beginning or in the beginning I'm like I literally went when I was flying I'll just tell people what I'm in yeah people don't know yeah you can say I can say it now well were Were you not allowed to at some point?

Speaker 2 No, but you never really talked about it. Yeah, but you made it seem like you were not supposed to.
No, I could.

Speaker 2 I just didn't want to talk about it because I didn't know what it was and I don't know how it was going to go. All right, so tell everybody what you're doing.
All right, so I

Speaker 2 like stuff in my teeth.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 2 Great.

Speaker 2 You should spit out this gum. So there's this video game called Rudy.
How have you been?

Speaker 2 I really want to know. I'm good.

Speaker 2 I feel like your energy is so good today. You know.

Speaker 4 Also, your energy.

Speaker 2 Karati. Okay.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 2 I. Um.
Shout out to my boy Pete downstairs.

Speaker 2 Pete, Pete, Big Pete. Big Pete.
Big Pete.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to talk about it. Shut up.
Go ahead. All right.
Are you going to do that one of those comedy bits again?

Speaker 2 It's a comedy show. I know, but.
There's a pretty good chance I'm going to do it again. All right.

Speaker 2 But now I'm going to be apprehensive, but I'll try. Yeah.
And then do your bit again. Here's what we always do.
Yeah. You know, I'm going to do the bit again.

Speaker 2 I know, but now it's like I'm anticipating the bit. Yeah.
So I don't want to really fully get into the fucking thing.

Speaker 2 Don't anticipate it. All right, here we go.
Yeah, go ahead. So there's a video game called, what's up, Andreas?

Speaker 2 No. See, I did it for you.
You did it for you. I did it before you.
I'm going to do it before you. You did it for you.

Speaker 2 Stop up on the table. You're going to ruin ourselves and knock my head down.
And so there's a video game called Borderlands, and they made a movie about it. And where'd you get your shirt? No, no.

Speaker 2 Where'd you get your shirt? I really like that shirt. No.
Where'd you get it? She's worn that a thousand times.

Speaker 2 I wasn't going to do it. Do it because I'm going to do it for you for you.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 you know, like you and I, we audition for things and we never get things. I don't audition for anything.
We can talk about that later.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 But there was a time. Bobby called me, by the way.
He booked another thing. Bobby's going away to do another job.

Speaker 2 So he just did a job, sold a show to ABC, did a bunch of Magnum PIs, just did a huge movie, just booked another job. You were a job machine.
You know who's calling my phone? Nobody.

Speaker 2 Nobody. Can I just get into my life? Yeah.
And what's going on with me? Yeah. And then we'll go into your sad life

Speaker 2 afterwards. Dude, I'm on a show.
It's great. Davey's great.
It's cruising. It's a great one.
You've never seen the Weezer. I love Davey, though.
You've never seen him once. Yeah.
What's his name?

Speaker 2 The Weezel? What's his name? What's his name? Davey? He has like a nickname.

Speaker 2 Yeah, The Weasel. Yeah, The Weez.
Yeah, Pauly Short.

Speaker 2 I don't know. But he's great, though.
He's very funny. Davey.
Yeah, he's a funny guy.

Speaker 2 So then, you know, I auditioned and I presented a tape, and then I got it. And you helped? I did.
Yeah, you helped a little bit because you know,

Speaker 2 one of the producers who's very kind, and I became friends with the rest of the stuff. I was going to say, you guys got along.
Oh, really, real well. And so, yeah, Emmy's great.
Shout out to Emmy.

Speaker 2 I love her. One of the nicest people.
The best. So it's got like all these big stars in it, like Kate Blanchett, Jamie Lee Curtis, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, all these fucking people.
Sheesh.

Speaker 2 Edgar Ramirez. Sheesh.

Speaker 2 My good friend Janina now, who's now one of my best friends. Sheesh.
Anyway,

Speaker 2 and what? Bobby Lee.

Speaker 2 I'm in it.

Speaker 2 Robert E. Lee makes it in the movie.
Okay,

Speaker 2 watch me right now. I'm looking at you.
Watch me right now. Watch my hands, okay? Yeah.
Do you see that? That's your role in the movie? That's how fast I am in the movie. You'll never see me again.

Speaker 2 Is it just like you're in the middle of it? So when you're watching the movie, that's all, and then I'm gone. Give me a line that you said in the movie.

Speaker 2 What's up, Roland?

Speaker 2 I swear to God. You just killed it.

Speaker 2 I go, because when I see Kevin's Harker, curtain, I'm in a bar and I go, ah, Roland, what's up? That's one of my lines. Kevin Hart's name is Roland in the movie? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So when I'm flying over there, I'm like, come on, man.

Speaker 2 He's a character from the fucking game. Don't do your fucking head turn.

Speaker 2 There's a black guy in the game Borderlands named Roland.

Speaker 2 Google if there's ever been a black guy named Roland.

Speaker 2 In Borderlands. In life.
In the game. At least in the game.
Games are fake. All right.

Speaker 2 Has there ever been a black guy named Roland?

Speaker 2 Black James. Famous, famous Rolands.
Bring it up.

Speaker 2 Roland Orzabal, Roland Young, Roland Emmerich, Roland Barthers, Roland James. Oh, Roland James is black.
There we go. What was Roland James? An American?

Speaker 2 Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Now we're on it.
Yeah, yeah. Amber.

Speaker 2 What did Roland James do? Who is he? Can I just go back into the fucking thing? Oh, an American professional football player. Can I go back into the fucking thing, man?

Speaker 2 let me get my bit out please okay my bad

Speaker 2 i forgot how it works i miss you i excuse okay so yeah his name is roland in the movie so anyway that was my life so when i was flying over there i was like okay this is going to be one of those like really lonely experiences because you know i only function well with like comics at my level

Speaker 2 you know i mean and i have my group You know what I mean? I have you. Yeah.
I've got

Speaker 2 a couple of guys, you know what I mean, that are no longer with us.

Speaker 2 I could say that. People that died? Yep.

Speaker 2 We've got,

Speaker 2 and then I guess guys like Madrigal, Bill Burr. I mean, they're just a big group of, you know, Chelsea Handler, Whitney Cummings.
That's pretty much the... That's your group.
The group, right?

Speaker 2 So in my head, I'm like, I don't know any of these people. It's like, I'm not, you know.

Speaker 2 I'm a comic, so I'm just going to be spending the next month and a half by myself. Because everybody there is a real act.
And I say real actors.

Speaker 2 You're an actor, but those are like actors. No, these are real

Speaker 2 award-winning actors who I'm a huge fan of all of them, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Have you ever been nominated for an award winner? I have never even been to an award show. Well, no, I'll never go to an award show.
Well, that's because

Speaker 2 they don't want me there. That would be weird.
I've never even done, bro, I've never done that. Where would they put you? I've never even done a talk show.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Ever. Not couch? You've never done couch? No, ever.

Speaker 2 Me neither. Yes, you have.
I've seen you. No, I've done stand-up.
No, done you. I've seen you a bit on the Jimmy Fell.
Yeah. Okay, yeah.
That's not it? It was you, James Corden, but it was.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter. You did it, though, right? Because it was with Jim Carrey.
It wasn't because. It doesn't matter.
You're on a fucking show with Jim Carrey on a fucking Tanak Talk show.

Speaker 2 On a Tanakh show. Yeah, and that's huge.

Speaker 2 No, but yeah, it was for Jim. And they're called talk shows, by the way.
Tanakh shows. They're called talk shows.
Welcome back to the Tanakh Show. Tonight, my guest is Bobby Lee.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's do it right now. Ready? Here we go.
We're back.

Speaker 2 Thank you to the band, Rudy Jules. What's going on? You good? I'm good.
Awesome. My guest tonight, ladies and gentlemen, you're going to love this guy.
This guy's incredible. You've seen this guy.

Speaker 2 By the way, the way I would do it. We're live.
I know. We're on fucking air.
I know, but that's what I would do to make it funny. Oh, to interrupt my intro? Yeah, yeah.
You're killing it.

Speaker 2 This is great. Don't you think that'd be funny? The crowd's losing it right now.
Like, I'm already out of the... Yeah, it's the curtain.
Exactly. I'm already out of the curtain, right?

Speaker 2 And you're trying to introduce me, and I'm interrupting you. Oh, violence.
Just So do it again. Do it again.
Well, we're already in it. Start over.
Oh, please start over. I would go back.

Speaker 2 I would go back to the thing. How's Rudy Jules in the band? Let's check in with Rudy Jules in the house, band.
I'm good. Rudy Jules and the ombres.
I'm next to you now.

Speaker 2 I'm already now sitting next to them. You're explaining to me? Yeah, I'm already sitting next to them.
Oh, Bobby, you're already here. I'm here.
Why? I'm looking for the intro, bud.

Speaker 2 I'm just happy to be here. Oh, awesome.
So, what's been going on in your life? Nothing. I can't even believe I'm with this show.
I'm so great. Thank you for asking me.
We're so happy that you're here.

Speaker 2 We heard you did a movie with Kevin Hart. Ooh.

Speaker 2 There's no applause? There we go. Man, this audience is dumb.
They don't mean me. They don't have

Speaker 2 a streaming and they don't know who he is. I don't know.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 you had a great time in this Kevin Hart movie, and I heard,

Speaker 2 a little birdie told us that you punched Kate Blanchette. I did not kick.

Speaker 2 Broke. That's what we heard.
Stuff was like something about chicken strips. I just do it.
Well, tell the story to the audience. I don't want to tell you anything.

Speaker 2 Audience, do you want to hear him tell the chicken strip? Kate Blanchette story. All right, so she came off to my room because I took the last chicken strip.
And

Speaker 2 she goes, Hey, did you take my chicken strip? And I fucking go, Fuck yeah.

Speaker 2 And then she goes, She punches me in the face, man. Audience, you love it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who did the one-womp womp won? PT. PP, don't ever do one.
Oh, Pete, you're gonna get fired.

Speaker 2 But thanks for the Red Bull. I really appreciate it.
Now we go back to the story. Pete,

Speaker 2 give me one womp one more time for Bobby. I know.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 I hate that stuff.

Speaker 2 Out of all the womp womps, that's the worst womp womp. That's the worst womp womp.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what happens when I ejaculate. That's the sound that happens.
When you come? When I come and it goes down. You know how your penis just kind of slowly goes down.
And the cum is.

Speaker 2 Sorry, close your head.

Speaker 2 Here's the sound. Pete, here's the sound that comes out when I ejaculate.
Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And this is mine. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 I always smell it. Ew! I always smell it.
Why? Because I want to. All right.
Let's see if it's healthy or not. So, anyway, so can I just finish my thing? God, I'm happy you're back.

Speaker 2 I miss you.

Speaker 2 So, I go to the hotel room

Speaker 2 when I get to the thing. Yeah.
And there was a note saying,

Speaker 2 hey,

Speaker 2 congratulations. Thanks.
I mean, not thanks. Welcome to the movie.

Speaker 2 I would love to meet you. And it's Jamie Lee Curtis.
Wow.

Speaker 2 And I go, what the fuck? That's weird. Did she sign it? Yeah, she signed it.
And then

Speaker 2 she texts me and she goes, Tomorrow, lunch. How does she have your phone number? I don't know.
Dude, they can get anything they need. They get whatever they want.
They get it all.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she has my email, my address, everything. Let's get lunch.
Yeah, so I go, oh, fuck. Now I'm like nervous, right? Did you think about what to wear? No, this is what I had.
You wore a peyote job?

Speaker 2 You gotta be yourself.

Speaker 2 You gotta be yourself. Yeah, I guess you're right.
Yeah, it's you do. I don't give a fuck.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so I go down, and it's me,

Speaker 2 Janina, Janina,

Speaker 2 Pen Jillette. Penn? I love Penn.
From Penn and Teller. I know.
And

Speaker 2 we all went to Burger King.

Speaker 2 Shut up. Shut up.

Speaker 2 That's it. They wanted to go to Burger King.
No, they didn't want. Penn goes, I want to go to Burger King because they have a vegetarian.

Speaker 2 No, he's a vegetarian. Like, there's a

Speaker 2 veggie burger thing. And we go, all right, we'll go.
And we went to fucking Burger King.

Speaker 2 There's a photo on my Instagram of that. Of you at Burger King.
Yeah, yeah. That's kind of cool.
It was cool. You, Jamie Lee Curtis, Penn Jillette and that was cool.
That was first day.

Speaker 2 That was day one. Day one.
Out of the gate, you're killing it. It's fun because I just wanted to say this:

Speaker 2 that she is, if you hear anyone talk about that lady, do you Jamie Lee Curtis? Yeah, she's one of the greatest women I've ever met in the business person. Yeah.
Honestly. No, she's so sweet.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know her. She's so sweet.
Like, you know, there was one time where I was in her hotel room and we're just talking on her couch for like three hours. Right.
Like she said that type of thing.

Speaker 2 What were you talking about? Private Private stuff. Share.

Speaker 2 Well, the sound of

Speaker 2 share. The sound that happens when I master.
Share. No, I'm not going to share because.
Share.

Speaker 2 You have to do that.

Speaker 2 Share. I'll share with you later.
Share. No, share.
All right.

Speaker 2 We talked about share. Share.
We talked about share. You talked about share.
Yeah, yeah, and how we love what we like.

Speaker 2 So you sat on her couch and you guys just chatted about what she was doing. Yeah, it was cool, man.
Was it deep and philosophical? Yeah, it was deep. Yeah, it was deep.
It was.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because she knows, well, you know.

Speaker 2 Well, she's married to one of the most

Speaker 2 well-respected.

Speaker 2 She's talented in her own right. I'm not discrediting her.

Speaker 2 She also happens to be married to one of the most talented writer, director, producers.

Speaker 2 In the history of comedy. One of my idols.
Same. I got to do work with him once, and it was the coolest thing I ever did.
What were you doing? He had a show on HBO called Family Tree.

Speaker 2 I did an episode of it. Oh, my God.
Me and Matt Bronger. You know Matt.
Oh, I love Matt.

Speaker 2 We were Confederate soldiers at a reenactment. Oh, my God.
And this this girl shot and killed us.

Speaker 2 You know, whatever. The scene was fun.
But working with him was incredible. Anyway, those two people together.
That's Hollywood.

Speaker 2 What do they call it? Power couples. Yeah, yeah.
Never again is that going to happen. I know.
Like, you can't get that. No one does that anymore.
No, and it's like,

Speaker 2 and when you're in that situation, you just, you're not yourself. Like, you stepped out of yourself a little bit.
Yeah, you're kind of, you're, you're pretending.

Speaker 2 I feel like you're pretending to be someone that I'm not. Because you're kind of worried about it.
Don't say,

Speaker 2 like, in my my head, I'm like, don't say midget.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like I go through these things.

Speaker 2 Don't say that, don't say that. And just go through the motion.
You know what I mean? And I'm, because I'm a nice guy. Yeah, of course.
But I say fucked up things.

Speaker 2 But you say it in jest. You're joking.
Jest, right? But it's like, you don't want to like ruin it. You don't want to.

Speaker 2 You don't want to be having coffee with Jamie Lee Curtis and be like, I mean, all lives kind of matter. And she's like,

Speaker 2 I don't want to spend all this time on fucking Budapest, so let me just finish it. What do you mean? Let me just finish this.

Speaker 2 The kids want to know where the boys have been. Okay.
People thought we broke the band. No, never.

Speaker 2 Never. I thought about you twice.
Can I tell you?

Speaker 2 That's a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's more than you thought about her. Yeah.
Can I share with them the one little moment that you gave before you continue?

Speaker 2 Bobby texted me and said, I'm going to crack. And I said, what's going on? And then we FaceTimed, and you were sad and you were bored.
Yeah. And you said it.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you're going to admit it, but you said it that you missed me. I did.
You said, I missed you. I did.
I missed you. And I said, I missed you too.

Speaker 2 And I was driving through the rain in New Jersey, and I was like, I miss you, too. I know.
I did have to miss you. It was a sweet moment.
Yeah, it was a sweet moment. I missed my mom.

Speaker 2 And I did miss you.

Speaker 2 But then, because that was what happened was when I first got there, I shot for three days and then I had three weeks off. And you did nothing.
Well, the first week, that's when I called you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everyone was working. And you were alone.
And I was alone. In the hotel.
Well, there was a black actor.

Speaker 2 careful

Speaker 2 from england who became charles

Speaker 2 me and charles hung out

Speaker 2 me and charles hung out yeah and he's a sweetie okay a real sweetie and we became good friends but um charles what's his name charles what his last name's difficult to say so say it i'd have to look at it no let's try it

Speaker 2 something like that charles baba blazingaba yeah he's let's look up charles baba blazingaba no his baba blazingaba he he was in the mary magdalen movie with river Phoenix.

Speaker 2 Is that him right there on the far left?

Speaker 2 Is that Charles Baba Blazing Abla?

Speaker 2 That's him.

Speaker 2 Wow. I can't believe we.

Speaker 2 That literally is him. I genuinely can't believe we.

Speaker 2 His name is Charles. Can you zoom in on the name down there? Charles Ba.

Speaker 2 Charles.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's have Babala. No, no, let's have Rudy pronounce it.
How do you say that, Rudy? Charles what? Babalola. Babalola.
Charles Babalola. What a cool name.
He's a great actor. Charles Babalola.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and he's

Speaker 2 Bob Dabalinum. He's English.
And him and I hung out every fucking day. How young is this young man? He's 30.
Look at how good looking he is. Oh, man.
He's so talented. Babes love him, huh? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And but can I say this? Yeah. All his friends from England.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're Asian?

Speaker 2 They're Korean. They're short.

Speaker 2 They're BF friends, fans. They're BF fans? All the Brits are? I would call.

Speaker 2 Did he know that

Speaker 2 he did? Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Shout out to Charge Bob. He was the only one when I was on set where he was like, How like?

Speaker 2 Well, he's English. Yeah, how did he sound?

Speaker 2 Holy shit. Holly shit, it's Bobby Lai.
That's pretty good, Bobby. Yeah, holy shit, it's Bobby Lai.
Holly shit, it's Bobby Lai. And And I'd be like, What's up, man?

Speaker 2 He's like, Come and have a cigarette, man.

Speaker 2 Oh, you go have a smoke with him? Yeah, and I'm like, You want a cigarette with me? Yeah, I'd love to have a cigarette with you, man. And would you get a chat?

Speaker 2 And then we would have breakfast, dinners, we would walk around town. So you had a little

Speaker 2 women where like a little rush hour. But can you imagine? Does he live in LA? No, he lives in England.
Okay, I don't know. Because he could be living here now.

Speaker 2 But something happened between us. You said the N-word.

Speaker 2 Broke it up.

Speaker 2 You can't. I I told you.
You can't just say it. No.
You can't. No, something happened.
So last night he was in town. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's a big Manchester United fan.

Speaker 2 And they were in the Europa League final. Yeah.
And he goes, Mike, come up and watch the

Speaker 2 game. You hate Man Yu.
I hate Manyu. But I went to do it because it was his last night.
Sure. So I sat there and Manu.

Speaker 2 lost in penalty kicks at the end. Yeah.
And he was like, out, Mike.

Speaker 2 He just just kicked you out. Like, we spent a week together every single day, and this is his last night.
Get out. And you could see tears walling up.
He's like out night.

Speaker 2 I'm like, well, it's good to meet his out. Out.
And then, like, an hour later, he texted me and he's like, I'm sorry about that, man. But you understand as a soccer player.

Speaker 2 As a soccer player, I get it, but it was a little rude. So, um, did he know you were an Arsenal fan? Yeah, I told him.
We talked. All you do is hang out.

Speaker 2 No, no, I know, but like, you know how you said sometimes you get nervous and you don't admit stuff. Like, that seems weird because Evie is such a die-hard man you fan.

Speaker 2 you know is there a moment is there a moment you're because I would no because there was a um

Speaker 2 there was a guy named Ji Soon Park

Speaker 2 okay who played for man you Chester United he's a Korean dude and so that's my I I when Ji Soong Park was on Man Yu, I liked them because he was Korean. Right.
He was a busy bee

Speaker 2 on the pitch. He was just hard worker.
Moving around. Yeah, yeah.
Just zipping around. Right.
It was like he was on a Hyundai factory. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? He's always out there.

Speaker 2 Bolts, Boltz. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, how about

Speaker 2 the guy that died then was survived? The soccer player that died and survived. With a heart attack.
Wow. Yeah, Erickson.

Speaker 2 By the way, the coolest move I've ever seen in sports was from the other team captain

Speaker 2 asked the players to form a chain, arm chain fence around him

Speaker 2 so that if it was his last moments, they didn't want it broadcast on television. Wow.
What a classy move. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He said to the other players, he goes, get around him right now in case this is his last moments. He didn't want to broadcast to the world that people were going to watch him die on the pitch.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I thought that was such a cool thing. He used to play for Tottenham, who's his Arsenal's nemesis.
Yeah. So there was a feeling.
So you almost wanted him to die. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I'm sorry. No.
She didn't like it. She didn't like it.

Speaker 2 That Joker didn't want it. But let me look at him.

Speaker 2 There he is. But by the way, he's alive.
Go back. I know he is.
He is. And they put an implant in him.
What kind? Like a heart implant. Like a stimp? Yeah, stimp.
I don't know. I don't know either.

Speaker 2 So. God bless.
But here's what. Here's what.
God bless. God bless.
Here's what made. Let's just wrap up the whole trip.
No, more. No, we're not done.

Speaker 2 So when I got there, what made me nervous was the day I had to go on the set and meet the director. And you can name the director now.
Eli Roth. Eli Roth.
Huge. You know who loves Eli Roth?

Speaker 2 Fans? Fans.

Speaker 2 Do you like Eli? I love Eli. Great guy.
So Eli goes, thanks for joining us, man. I'm a big fan of this and that.
And then he introduces me to Decade and Kevin. Everyone's there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did Kevin like you? Oh, man. Did you tell Kevin you were a stand-up or not? He already knew me.
He knew you.

Speaker 2 And I just, he was a great, he was so good to me. Does that mean a lot? Dude, I'll tell you why, because I didn't tell you this.

Speaker 2 In the table read, so three weeks before I even go, I have to do a table read. Right.

Speaker 2 And I get on, and I don't know anybody, and everyone's there, right? And I don't know Eli Rotherford. I don't know anybody.
It's on Zoom.

Speaker 2 it's on zoom and it's like saturday morning so it's like seven in the morning because it was like five o'clock and hungry and that's where a lot of people were

Speaker 2 and i'm sitting there uncomfortable and kevin gets on he goes what's up bobby

Speaker 2 on the zoom really yeah in front of everybody in front of everybody which broke the ice for me

Speaker 2 what's your phone do

Speaker 2 nothing we turn it turn off i already did

Speaker 2 i'm sorry she wants to be involved a little bit more no you will be you will be just let him finish his story there's a couple of things i want to talk to you about, too. So we'll get to you.

Speaker 2 Let's do it now. No, no.

Speaker 2 I want to hear the rest of the Zoom story. So, anyway, that's what he did.

Speaker 2 What's up, Bobby? So, when I got on the set, he was just absolutely as if, you know,

Speaker 2 we've known each other for all our careers. Wow.
Like, he was like, he's a comic. I know.
Yeah, so he was, you know, I mean, funny and, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And he would laugh at my bits, like, my takes, because all my scenes are with him. Yeah.
So he would just laugh at my takes, and then

Speaker 2 it was actually the first day of shooting,

Speaker 2 I was so nervous because I was out in the desert. Oh, so check this out.
Hungary has a desert? So check this out. I was so bummed.
So check this out. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I'm dressed like... Definitely what I dropped.

Speaker 2 So funny. Okay, so I'm dressed like a...
Can we show a photo of it to the fans? No, we can't. Damn it.

Speaker 2 But I can describe it. I'm dressed like a stormtrooper.
No, but it looks like a... A red stormtrooper.
A red stormtrooper, but it looks like a... It looks like a...

Speaker 2 Like, you know how Spaceball is made fun of.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you look, Star Wars, you look like if you guys were making fun of stormtroopers and it was like a comedy version of stormtrooper.
Right.

Speaker 2 It was only that only looks like when the grown adults are wearing this outfit, which is what everyone else is like. When the full, like people with nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I look like a bobblehead. Right.
Right.

Speaker 2 So it's a cartoon. And now we're out in a desert.

Speaker 2 Okay. And it's one of those sets where it's like, there's just, if you look like a half a mile down, there's these gigantic green screen

Speaker 2 things up yeah and they all these like spaceships and machinery and like gigantic like um dinosaur bones sticking out of the sand i mean it's like and there's three four five hundred people just a sea of people working on all kinds of stuff and my

Speaker 2 i'm in metal everything's metallic right

Speaker 2 and they put a ponytail on the back of my head that wasn't your hair

Speaker 2 what do you mean you showed a picture i thought that was your ponytail it is my ponytail ponytail, but they put a ponytail in the back. You mean they turned, they put your ponytail.

Speaker 2 They clumped all my head and did it samurai.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm describing it. Go ahead.
Right? Yeah. And so.
They gave you a ponytail?

Speaker 2 They just clumped that. You know how they clumped the back of your head?

Speaker 2 You know? They made it.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 So I'm sitting there and the helmet won't come on my head. Because of the ponytail.
Because of the ponytail. Right.

Speaker 2 So, and they were about to shoot, so they go there, they go, we got to take all the padding out.

Speaker 2 Of the helmet? Of the helmet. Because it's a gigantic metallic thing, right? So they start ripping the padding out, right? So now they're just metal spikes inside the fucking helmet and edges, right?

Speaker 2 And they stick it on my head, and there's metal like this, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm out there for six hours with a mask on. No name.
Do you have any lines? No. No lines.
And I'm also also with 300 people that look like me. So they don't even know it's me.

Speaker 2 You know it's me, right? And then this is what happens. And I literally cried in my helmet.

Speaker 2 The sound guy who doesn't know, you know, he's Hungarian. He doesn't know anything.
What do they sound like?

Speaker 2 I can't even describe. I know.
This is my favorite when you try them. I know, no.
So I'll just describe what he says, right? Yeah. He goes, you know.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 you're wearing the helmet.

Speaker 2 Japanese? Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 2 You know, you're wearing the helmet. Here's the screen.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 let me just finish. Let me just do it that way.
Let me just do it that way. Is it Italian? Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's close to Italy. Italy.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, you're wearing the helmet the whole time.

Speaker 2 The whole thing. And I go, I go, I'm in the helmet, right? I go, what do you mean? Even when I say my lines?

Speaker 2 He goes, yeah.

Speaker 2 Which means now imagine no one's going to know I'm in this movie. Wait, you never show your face? That's what he says.
Wait a minute. What about when you're doing scenes with Kevin? Exactly.

Speaker 2 So I go, Well, I have dialogue with Kevin, and he goes, No, you wear the helmet then, too. No, yeah, that's what he says to me.

Speaker 2 Now I have, yeah, now I have this metal spiky thing in my head. It's fucking 105 degrees.
Yeah, I'm sweating, right? I'm bleeding out of my face, right? Now I'm in my head, I'm like, oh, I'm an extra.

Speaker 2 No one's gonna know. Your background plus.
And I'm just standing there with a gun

Speaker 2 for like eight hours in the desert like this and just like in soap, so much pain. Did you actually get to take your helmet off and have lines? No, which Kevin.
So check it out. This is what happens.

Speaker 2 No one's going to know it's you. So check it out.
This is what happens.

Speaker 2 So there's a scene now where, all right, let's do, let's, we have a scene with Janina and Bobby where, you know, he says there's a, you know,

Speaker 2 creature

Speaker 2 in the plane, the plane. Right.

Speaker 2 So we rehearse it and,

Speaker 2 you know, they go action. And I come with the fucking, I'm wearing the helmet.
I pop in and I'm, I do my line, right?

Speaker 2 And then Eli goes,

Speaker 2 why do you have the helmet on? Oh, he was fucking with you. No, the sound guy didn't know.
Oh, I thought he was playing a joke. No, the sound guy didn't know.
And I'm like,

Speaker 2 I wanted to rat out the sound guy. Shoulda.
No. Shoulda.
So I go, I just, oh, I just, I'm sorry. He was like, take off the helmet.
And so I took the helmet off and then I did my lines.

Speaker 2 And all the lines are without the helmet, obviously. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But also, it would have been funny if they made you wear the helmet the whole time. Well, I thought about that and I think that would have been a funny story.
Yes.

Speaker 2 I was there for six weeks and I just kept this helmet on, right? And then they could voice over my fucking voice

Speaker 2 and use like Denzel Washington.

Speaker 2 Just like a big handsome black guy like, man, what's going on? Yeah, but I would probably relapse.

Speaker 2 I probably would have relapsed.

Speaker 2 That would have been really fucked up. Well, what if you get cut out of this film?

Speaker 2 I thought about that too.

Speaker 2 There's no way to do it. Huh? There's no way to do it because

Speaker 2 there's a will, there's a way. There's no way.
There's a will. Because there's a through line in the thing about you.
The whole movie would not make sense if they just completely cut me out. Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because there's a scene where Kevin needs to escape this thing. Yeah.
And the whole reason why he's there is because of me.

Speaker 2 Real mean? Yeah. So it's like, it wouldn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 I think about those things. I know you do.
I don't really think. I just got offered a role in a movie, by the way.
What is it?

Speaker 2 I can't say it.

Speaker 2 It's not real. Because it's not real.
Yeah, it's not real.

Speaker 2 But I want it. I know you'll get it.
I want it. And you'll get it.
And you deserve deserve it. And I hope it comes.
Tom Hanks, right?

Speaker 2 Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks.
Tom Hardy. All the Toms are in it.
Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks, Tom Hardy.

Speaker 2 Tom Hiddleston, Tom Hiddleditch. Yeah, yeah.
Everybody's in it. Everyone's in it.
How about this? I'm going to actually say the movie that I did just get a role in. What?

Speaker 2 Well, unless I blow it, but I might do it.

Speaker 2 No. Yeah.

Speaker 2 See, it's like, I want to be in that.

Speaker 2 I'm probably not going to end up getting it. They said there is a thing for me, but they were like, we'll see.
Maybe.

Speaker 2 If it works, it'd be cool. Yeah.
But isn't that wild they're bringing that back? Yeah. But can I tell you something that you and I should do?

Speaker 2 I did 10 escape rooms

Speaker 2 in Hungary because that's where it originated. Did they change, or is it the same room that you tried to escape from? No, there's every corner has an escape room.
It's like our Starbucks.

Speaker 2 Isn't that just like what the...

Speaker 2 Don't people just want to get out of Hungary? Isn't it like, is that...

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think we... Metaphor for that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But so they have these.
Have you been to an escape room? No, of course not. Okay.
That's an insane. Why would I? And can I just say this?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right?

Speaker 2 I hate it. I hate it.
Why would I do that?

Speaker 2 I'll give you an example. Caustrophobia, panic.
If somebody told me, and this is not a joke. Yeah.
If somebody told me,

Speaker 2 you have to go into the escape room by yourself, Bobby, and you're not going to be able to eat unless you get out. I'm going to kill myself.
No, I'd be dead.

Speaker 2 You would find my body there three weeks later in the skeleton and without any solving any of the puzzles. It's so fucking.

Speaker 2 But you walk into a fucking room, right? And they go, okay,

Speaker 2 have fun. And they lock you in.
And they lock you in. No.
And then you're like, and you look around and you don't know what to do. Meanwhile.
Who are you with? I'm with Edgar Ramirez. How cool.

Speaker 2 Janina. They're all there.
Charles went. And they're like underneath tables writing down notes.
They're figuring it out. They're figuring it out.
And I became the guy to hold things.

Speaker 2 Right. They found puzzles, right? They found like an object.
He's a key, but we don't know what, Bobby.

Speaker 2 So you just held it? Yeah, I held the key. Yeah, you were a table.
And I would sit there,

Speaker 2 and I would be sweating, right?

Speaker 2 And they're like, are you going to do anything? I go,

Speaker 2 this is it. You're doing it.
Yo, I don't know. That's participating.
Have you tried it? You and I should do one.

Speaker 2 No, as a, we should film it. Andreas, we should film Andrew and I doing an escape room.
Escape room. Okay.

Speaker 2 Because they're so fucking hard. Yeah, but they're so.
But did you have fun? No. See, that's what I mean.
They're the opposite of fun. That's why I don't want to do it.
I know, but we we should do it.

Speaker 2 All right, we'll do it. Yeah, but I don't, it's like, it's really opposite.
Will you come with us, Rudy?

Speaker 2 I think she would be good. Dude, you see, she's so exhausted.
And you ask her something.

Speaker 2 Everything is to do. Do either.
Why don't you want to do it with us? What's the reluctancy?

Speaker 4 I just know that both of you will be fighting. Yes.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's why. I know, but we need someone there to balance us out.
So why won't you balance? You can be the mediator or whatever that is.

Speaker 4 I don't want to be.

Speaker 2 Oh, great. Okay.
Great. She doesn't want to do shit.
I'm glad you're on the show. Let me just tell you.
I wasn't even going to bring this up, but. Bring it up.

Speaker 2 There's a new guy here? No, no. So in our family, right?

Speaker 2 There's this guy, right? I don't want to say his name, but he's younger than you are. No, he's older than you are.
Okay. He's older than you are.
Okay. And he gets Kulia.
Kuya. Kulya.

Speaker 2 And you get Tito. Wait, what's Kulya? Kulya is brother.
Tito is uncle. Yeah, I'm Tito Andrew.
Yeah, I've older. Yeah, but he is older than you are, and he is brother.
Who is this man?

Speaker 2 I can't bring his name up.

Speaker 4 Atikalaila's like

Speaker 2 old boy best friend. A boy best friend.
Yeah. Just a man in her life that was old best friend.
Yeah, and today in the car, she's like. Did they ever date? No.
I think they did.

Speaker 2 Something tells me they did.

Speaker 4 Atikalaila's sister and him dated.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think I know.

Speaker 2 There was something. There were some juices.
Yeah. Exchanged.
Right? There were some fruits. But she said something today in the car.
And how long have you known this guy?

Speaker 2 Two months. Too much.
Too much, right? And I asked you in the car, I go, who do you like more? Me or this guy? And you said to me,

Speaker 2 the same.

Speaker 2 Equal. Wow.

Speaker 2 Are you serious? Wow. Why?

Speaker 4 He just feels like family.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something. Dude, you got all this.

Speaker 2 This family member.

Speaker 2 This new family member, did he give you a fucking

Speaker 2 job?

Speaker 2 What has he done for you? Did this family member give you

Speaker 2 shelter?

Speaker 2 What has he done for you? Has he given you food?

Speaker 2 He hasn't done shit.

Speaker 2 What did he do for you? Yeah. He's funny.
I know. I pay for gas.
Timeout. Yeah.
He's funny.

Speaker 2 She's funny.

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Speaker 2 Rules and restrictions apply. He's a nice guy.
He is. What's his name? I can't say it.
I don't know. Let's give him a nickname.
Let's just call him Frank. Now.
Toby. Toby.
Okay. With an eye.

Speaker 2 Toby with an eye. And then, so here's another ridiculous thing.
So

Speaker 2 we got a new couch, and they go, Toby's coming tomorrow to put the legs on. No.
I can do that. They don't trust you to do it.
See, look at her. They don't trust you.

Speaker 2 I know how to fucking screw in legs on a couch. But let me, can I tell you something? What? I don't know how.
You don't. Yeah.
No, you don't. I know I don't.
I know I don't.

Speaker 2 And by the way, I'm going to fuck it up. How about this? Will you ask Toby to take the legs off and see if he can put them back on? Yeah, yeah.
Shoot that.

Speaker 2 But if I can put the legs on, will you give me respect?

Speaker 2 Maybe. Maybe.
Yeah. But so, you know, she likes us the same.

Speaker 2 No. Yeah.
She said to him. And also, I get back.
I got back two days ago and it's like, she's just another rude thing today. I was cleaning the house.

Speaker 2 Just no one told me to. You just started cleaning? Do you know why? Because.
Good guy.

Speaker 2 I'm a good guy. You're a good guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Clean the house, right? Why did you really clean the house? I just felt it was a little clutter. I think

Speaker 2 I made the mess, maybe. You made it.
So I'm just taking care of my thing. Picking up after yourself.
I had one cup of coffee on the fucking counter like this that I forgot. Right.

Speaker 2 And she goes, Tito Bobby, what the fuck? She said that?

Speaker 2 I kind of like that. When she gets assertive like that, I do like that.
She was bossing people. And when you were gone, dude, she would yell at Andres.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, she'd go, get in here, idiot. And he would come in here.
Oh, really? Yes. And she goes,

Speaker 2 I want coffee, iced coffee. And he would would go across the street and get her iced coffee.
And one time she took a sip and spit it in his face. Oh, wow.
She goes, too cold. Yeah.
Too cold.

Speaker 2 We might be going to Cancun, right? We're going to Cancun. Bad Friends is going to Cancun.
Bad Friends is going to Cancun. I forgot to announce that.
That's right. We're going to Cancun.
November.

Speaker 2 November, November, right? First week of November. And we got her some money to go.
Yeah, you're coming with us. She wanted more.
Do you remember that? Yeah,

Speaker 2 she goes, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She goes, Not enough. Not enough for me.
Not enough for me. I go, that, because, by the way, you know what she said to me? What? Do we all get the same hotel room? Because I want a suite.

Speaker 2 That's what she said. Oh, I want a suite.

Speaker 2 I can see it.

Speaker 2 You don't get a suite because we don't get a suite. Yeah, we're all getting the same kind of room.
In fact, you know what? You're sharing a room with George and Andres. You should go with Kalila.

Speaker 2 Kalila's going. No, Kalila's going to stay with you, and she's going to get her own room.

Speaker 2 No, you were going to get your own room. You're going to share with Pete and George and Andres.
How about that? I want my own room. No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No. You have to share with the boys.
Yeah. I had a sleepless night last night.
Because you were so excited to come here. That, and also,

Speaker 2 I was thinking,

Speaker 2 why people don't ask me to do those Asian hate PSAs? Because you hate on Asians all the time? No, no, no. That's not it.
I'm a comic, right? So I make fun of everyone. Yeah, but Asians a lot.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter. If you need a supercut right now, the amount of times that you've done like the eyes and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 That one has nothing to do with the other. Kind of.
No, no, no, no. No, no.

Speaker 2 Stop, stop. Right? Let me just say something, okay? That I, right,

Speaker 2 have a job, which is I make fun of a lot of people. Everybody.
Everybody, right.

Speaker 2 And it's like, but Bobby Lee as a spokesperson does make different.

Speaker 2 He does. I have feelings.
And I feel like.

Speaker 2 Are you Bobby Lee the comedian right now or Bobby Lee the spokesperson? Right now, I'm Bobby Lee the spokesperson.

Speaker 2 So you the peyote shirt that you're wearing right now is a spoke is a you think that's a good message we're sending to people? You're wearing a shirt that says peyote shirt.

Speaker 2 I I don't think it awakens people's minds. It opens people's minds.
Okay, good. Okay.

Speaker 2 And I'm a sober guy, and I'm wearing this. Right.
So, yeah, and I didn't think that's a good idea. Is that sending a good message? I didn't know what this is.
I thought this meant Pepsi in Spanish.

Speaker 2 Is this a peyote? Yeah, it says Peyote. Oh, yeah, I didn't know.
I just got this. But anyway, is he racist towards Asians?

Speaker 2 I don't think so. Yeah, yeah, no.
I love Asians.

Speaker 2 Let me

Speaker 2 be honest.

Speaker 2 Also, hey, I also. Is he racist towards Asians? Bro, bro, bro.
I love... Dude, but let's not get as twisted.
Stop Asian hate.

Speaker 2 I want to speak out for it, but my point is, last night, let me just finish what I'm saying, right? You're mad. I'm mad.
I'm going, why would they ask me? Because everyone's doing it, right? Who?

Speaker 2 Like, Randall Park,

Speaker 2 John Cho,

Speaker 2 Ken Joe. Everyone gets invited.
Everyone. But those are so.

Speaker 2 No, they're not. And I never get asked.
I can do one. Watch.
Let's do one. Hold on, one second.
Look into your single, and let's do a real stop list. Let's give me the line, though.

Speaker 2 No, let's do a real stop Asian hate. Yeah, but give me the lines.
I need someone written out for for me. Okay, well, let me feed you some stuff and you figure it out.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So you got to say, hey, it's me, it's Bobby Lee. Hi.

Speaker 2 Okay. Let me just give you everything and you can put it together.
Can I just do it? Yeah, do it in real time. Hey, this is Bobby Lee, and I'm a comedian.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't say that, right?

Speaker 2 Can people say what they are?

Speaker 2 For you, you'd have to. Because they would see you and go, who's the fucking song? Who the fuck is that? Right, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 Hi, I'm Bobby Lee, and I'm a podcaster and comedian, and sometimes actor. And in this day and age, in this climate.
In this day and age, in this climate. I'm getting sick and tired.

Speaker 2 I'm sick and tired of Asian Americans.

Speaker 2 Kung Flu!

Speaker 2 I can't help myself.

Speaker 2 I can't help myself. Kung Flu.

Speaker 2 That's why they can't have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because even though you're going to make a joke about it,

Speaker 2 they're never going to publish that. Yeah, but I thought, I thought, the reason why they don't ask me, right, I literally thought, is because

Speaker 2 I know too many white people. You're friends with too many white people.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty much, I think, maybe white. Well, you know.

Speaker 2 So this morning, this is what I did. Your circle of Asians is very small.
Yeah, people you live with, and that's it. But what did I do this morning?

Speaker 2 This morning, I woke up early, which before nine, and I called an Asian guy. Who? My friend Gene.
Okay. So I go, What's going on?

Speaker 2 Just to check in? And he goes, What's what do you? It's early. I go, You want to have breakfast?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I drove to Larchmont to have breakfast with my Asian friend. What Chinese food place do you guys go to?

Speaker 2 We went to I figured you would go to an Asian. No, we went to creation

Speaker 2 create create korean no creation it's fucking juices oh it's like bowls and stuff yeah yeah but not sushi tuna bowls like boba and stuff no that's not boba dude it's just like regular juice that you like like like bin bin bap and all that yes

Speaker 2 we went to a korean place you fucking asshole so i'm sitting there right and i'm like you know because i i'm literally thinking to myself I'm switching it.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're going to now only hang out with Asians? I want to start reaching out so that I can get invited to do this PCA.

Speaker 2 Not because you actually like these people. I just want people to ask me to do these PCA.
So I asked him, I go, you know, I was uncomfortable about it. I go.
PSA. Is it PSA? I think it's PSA.
Is it?

Speaker 2 What's PCA?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Well, what would you guess the acronym would stand for? PCA? What would that be? Public consumer, what is it? PCA advertisement.

Speaker 2 Isn't it public service announcement? That's what it is.

Speaker 2 PSA. I fucked it up.
No, but your PSAs are, oh, your personal care assistant. That's what you are.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's Bobby. That's why I don't get asked.
During breakfast, I go, so do you get

Speaker 2 in the last couple of months? Are you because he's in the business? Are you getting attacked? No, no, are you, you know, are you involved in protests and this and that?

Speaker 2 He goes, this is what he says to me. He goes, no, I was in Hawaii with Adam Levine.
I go,

Speaker 2 he's more whiter than I am. Then how is he getting invited? Right, so he's not either.
But he's not a comedian.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he's a... What is that? Oh, yeah, Elfield Arist.
Oh, yeah. Kalila sent me this, by the way.
I know, no. And she sent me to me too.
And I know. Elf ears are trending in China right now.

Speaker 2 People are undergoing surgery to get them. And you know what? Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is dope. So, Bobby can't make fun of you anymore for your ears.
But I only have one elf. Show the one elf ear.
Take off your headphones and show the one elf ear. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 See, that makes it good, but they're so good. So look, it is an elf ear.
Yeah. You know, people are shaving the corners to make him look more elfish.

Speaker 2 You would, you, you could be a good, you could be a good elf. I think you should.

Speaker 2 Attitude is so stinky. What did I do that

Speaker 2 What's your deal? What's going on? What's going on with you? Nothing. She's congratulated her on her graduation.
No,

Speaker 2 it's not that big of a deal Because I did it. Yeah, you did it graduate

Speaker 2 anybody can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah Pete Pete did you graduate high school? Yes.
No way

Speaker 2 I know Did you really Pete? Yeah, yeah, of course. What high school did you go to Pete?

Speaker 2 It's like asking Lenny for mice and men. Did you go to high school?

Speaker 2 Where'd you go to high school, Pete? Glendora High School. Where's Glendora? Is that Inland? It's Inland, about 20 minutes east of Pasadena.
Wow, this doesn't matter at all, this conversation.

Speaker 2 Pete looks like a guy that would like just to kill time, crush mice in his hand. He does.
Yeah, just crushed. He does.

Speaker 2 I took care of them mice.

Speaker 2 Pete, you're a lovely guy. What year did you graduate high school?

Speaker 2 2004. Did your parents give you anything when you graduated? Yeah, we had a big party.
But did they give you money or a gift? Yes. They did? What did they give you? Like, cash.
How much, Pete?

Speaker 2 I don't remember. A bunch of relatives gave me cash.
Did you get money when you graduated? I got a car. You got a car? Yeah.
You fucking brat. What did you get when you graduated?

Speaker 4 We ate at the Korean barbecue.

Speaker 2 Chosan.

Speaker 4 Chosan.

Speaker 2 You don't have a spot tonight? It's Saturday. I don't.
Took off tonight. My mom and dad are in town.

Speaker 2 It's Father's Day, by the way.

Speaker 2 Happy Father's Day.

Speaker 2 I know your dad is dead, but mine's not.

Speaker 2 I actually have two of them. Stepdad and a regular dad.

Speaker 2 Here's your dad.

Speaker 2 No. You want a waiting? Wait, no, he's not.
Wait about five years. Your dad isn't even this.

Speaker 2 Your dad's in the wind. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Your dad's dead.

Speaker 2 You got a dead dad. I know.
Dead dad. Andres, you have a dead dad or a real dad? A live dad?

Speaker 2 A live dad. What about you, Pete? A live dad.
What about you? Alive. You know what? Loser.
I know I'm a loser. But guess what now? What? When your dads die, who's going to be gleeful?

Speaker 2 You are. You are.
Yeah, yeah. And I'm going to spit right in your face.
You know what? Hey. I'm going to say your dad dad right in your face.

Speaker 2 My dad's going to live so much longer. I know.
He's going to live live for a long time. He's a terrible person.
And that's the

Speaker 2 great dude. He's a built-pack guy.
He's a great dude. Yeah, yeah.
Look at what he raised. A piece of fucking garbage.

Speaker 2 Don't be mad because your dad's dead.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go golfing with my alive dad. We're going to have so much fun.

Speaker 2 We're going to go get food. He's going to have a heart attack tomorrow, like Erickson.

Speaker 2 But Erickson lived, not your dad. You think he's going to die like your dad? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Ground up into sand and be on someone's mantle? Yeah. Where is your dad right now? He's in the garage.

Speaker 2 Is he really? Yeah, the bottom half. Oh.

Speaker 2 you kept the bottom and your brother. I'll go that per half.
Yeah. God bless the dead.
Your father was a great man.

Speaker 2 He really wasn't. He wasn't? No, he was violent.
But let's pretend.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Great guy. God bless the dead.
Yeah. And I'm sorry that your dad's not around.
Yeah. And you know what?

Speaker 2 You're just going to be a good dad, and you're going to do all the things that he never did.

Speaker 2 Do you want to tell everyone the good news?

Speaker 2 Yeah. That you're having a baby.
Do you want to tell people?

Speaker 2 I told you not to. Well,

Speaker 2 all right. I thought we wanted to.
She doesn't even know.

Speaker 2 You're having a baby?

Speaker 2 Okay, we won't talk about it. Dude,

Speaker 2 I won't. We won't have to talk about it.
Yeah, but I fucking told you not to do that. Okay, we won't talk about it.
They'll blank it out. They can cut it out.
Yeah, but I don't want anyone to fucking.

Speaker 2 You guys have to cut that out. We'll cut it out.

Speaker 2 Andres,

Speaker 2 so good to go with the bib. We'll cut it out.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 She fucking.

Speaker 2 Okay, pretend you don't know.

Speaker 2 Can you pretend you don't know? Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. We're not having a baby.

Speaker 2 You guys fucked it up because that could have been really good. That could have been good.
Yeah, but then him saying

Speaker 2 it fucked it up. You can't trust Spaniards.
No, you fucked it up a little bit too. No, I was played it

Speaker 2 better. But I was playing it in the city.
Because we could have fucked her up. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 We could have made it seem like she weren't. Didn't you still think it might have happened? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but we could have really dug it in. I know, but I pretended like it was, wasn't it?

Speaker 2 It was a joke, and then she thought in her head, well, he's just being. I think it was good, though, huh? No, you did a good job.
It was pretty good, huh? Yeah, yeah. What's the new job that you got?

Speaker 2 Will you tell everybody? Another acting job?

Speaker 2 They're doing a movie? No, they're doing a

Speaker 2 limited series. On what?

Speaker 2 I don't know what it is. No, what network is on Netflix? Oh, it's on HBO.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 What are you doing on that show? I play a fucking podcaster.

Speaker 2 No shit.

Speaker 2 They didn't need another one?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? They didn't need like another one with you?

Speaker 2 No, because the podcaster is with the two girls that are on the show. Maybe they need another guy.

Speaker 2 They didn't. They won't.
Ask them. No, because it's like,

Speaker 2 let's say I'm, just listen to me, okay?

Speaker 2 Just hear me out, right? Let's say I'm...

Speaker 2 I'm in the 60s, right? Late 60s, and I work for a college, and I need to put on a show. What city? I'm in Wisconsin somewhere, right? Milwaukee.

Speaker 2 You?

Speaker 2 Just whatever, dude. Let me just listen to my scenario.
Ryan and Milwaukee. Yeah, yeah.
And I'm like,

Speaker 2 I need to

Speaker 2 get a band, right, to play our school, but I can't afford Simon and Garfunkel, so I'm going to hire Simon.

Speaker 2 I'm Simon. No, I'm Simon.
I'm Simon. No, I'm Tiffley Simon.
I'm Simon, you're Garfunkel. And so they asked Simon to do it.
I'm Simon. And they go, Garfunkel, we don't have the budget for him.

Speaker 2 Diamonds on the soles of our fucking shoes. I'm Simon.

Speaker 2 No way. I'm Simon.
Dude, I'm Sherry. You're Ark.
I'm Sherry. No, you're not.
You're Sonny. You're Sonny.
No.

Speaker 2 Sonny died. I'm Shree killed Sonny.

Speaker 2 You're Sonny. I'm your Sonny.

Speaker 2 No, you're not. You're not pretty enough.
Yeah. You're not pretty enough.
I'm Tina. No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no.
You don't think I am. No, I am Bobby.
I am Bobby Brown. Who's Bobby?

Speaker 2 Bobby Brown. Bobby Brown to date Tina Turner? Oh, Tina.
I'm thinking of Whitney Houston.

Speaker 2 No, I. You could be Bobby if you want.
I am Bobby Brown. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'll beat the shit out of you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You bitch.

Speaker 2 Honestly, though, like, in Wham, I'm George Michael.

Speaker 2 No one even knows the other guy's name. That's what you are.

Speaker 2 Who's the other guy in Wham?

Speaker 2 I don't know Wham. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, because I'm under the 50s. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're definitely the second. I'm under 50.
You're definitely the second. I'm the first.
You really think that?

Speaker 2 I'm the first. Maybe.

Speaker 2 I think Garfunkel thought he was the first.

Speaker 2 He walked around going, you know what I mean? No, I'm the first, right?

Speaker 2 Andrew Ridgely. Yeah, Andrew Ridgely.
He was the other guy in the other guy in the regular way. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What is he, shooting heroin? I mean, he must be feeling real bad. No, what do you mean? He's cashing checks.
I know. You know who I feel bad for.
How much is Andrew Ridgely worth? Type that in.

Speaker 2 That guy's cashing checks. But you know who I feel bad for in terms of music? Who? Pete Best.

Speaker 2 Why? Do you know who that is? Why do you feel bad for Pete Best? Do you know who that is? No. Then why would you? I have no idea who that is.
I have no idea who that is.

Speaker 2 30 million laughing all the way to the tank. So let me ask you something.
Yeah. So Pete Best, right, was the original drummer for the Beatles.

Speaker 2 Oh, before Ringo, huh? Before Ringo. And Pete Best goes, guys,

Speaker 2 I'm going to go to art school.

Speaker 2 And they're like, Pete, please. Drum with us.
Yeah, and he went to art school, that guy. Where is he now?

Speaker 2 I mean, what happened to Pete Best? What happened to Pete Best?

Speaker 2 Damn, that's so sad. That's sad.
And they kicked, and then they were like, well, you got to get out of here. Then they got Ringo, right? And then they blew up.
The biggest band of all time.

Speaker 2 Having survived depression and a suicide attempt. Yeah, makes sense.
He is now a contended family man who tours the world with his own group, Pete Best Band.

Speaker 2 His story began in India, where he was born to an Indian medical student, a British army captain in Liverpool. Wow, so he's touring the world now.
Let's look up Pete Best tour dates.

Speaker 2 Can we go to PeteBest.com and see if some of his tour dates?

Speaker 2 Would you go to a Pete Best show with me? I would have killed it myself. He thought about it.
He tried. I know.
He's a family man now.

Speaker 2 That's a Jerry Seinfeld joke that I loved. What? These guys that attempt suicide and they don't complete the task.
And he goes, that's just one more thing they're not good at.

Speaker 2 That's a funny joke. That was a great joke.
That was a very dark Seinfeld joke.

Speaker 2 By the way,

Speaker 2 I have a famous musician story. I hung out with fucking Maynard James Keenan of Tool.

Speaker 2 When? I just went to his restaurant. Me and Rogan went to his restaurant in Arizona.
He has a winery in Scottsdale we we went to. Two nights in a row.
It was fucking awesome. You like Tool? You a fan?

Speaker 2 I listened to all their albums. Well,

Speaker 2 we hung out all night. Saw our comedy.
Loved us. Seven

Speaker 2 pet

Speaker 2 Tempest, but with Seven Tempests. Seven Philists? Seven Pests.
That song is great. He was great.
And he fed us wine and told us how he homemade champagne. Interesting cat.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you know, I'll be honest with you. And he said he's a big fan of the show.
Of what? Of Bad Friends. Don't lie to me, man.
I'm lying. He didn't say that.
I know he didn't.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he had no idea who I was. He never heard of me in his entire life.
But he knows you now.

Speaker 2 He thinks my name is Anthony.

Speaker 2 But I'm a huge fan of his. No, he was very cool, man.
Oh, you know, it makes me jealous. That shouldn't.
You hung out with fucking Kate Blanchette and Jamie Lee Curtis and Edgar Ramirez.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 I went and had pizza

Speaker 2 at fucking Maynard's restaurant. That's true.
How much do you think her haircut costs? $250.

Speaker 2 How much is it? $300. $300 to do that.

Speaker 2 You could do that. I could do that at home.
Me and you should do that.

Speaker 2 $300? Bad friends? We'll do $200.

Speaker 2 We'll do $2,250. $22 for $2.5.
Pete, you get your haircut for $25?

Speaker 2 Yes. Where?

Speaker 2 Wait, let's guess. Let's all guess where Pete gets his haircut from.
Supercuts. You say super cuts? What do you say? I don't know any.
I know Floyd's. Okay, Floyd's.
You change your answer. Floyd's?

Speaker 2 What do you say?

Speaker 2 Bob's Jr. Bob's Jr.
Bob's Jr.'s a great haircut. That's a great haircut place.
I thought they all closed, but there's still a couple around. Yeah, there's one on Pico.

Speaker 2 I'm going to guess Fantastic Sam's.

Speaker 6 I think his wife cuts it.

Speaker 2 My wife cuts it. You pay your wife to cut your hair? No, I don't pay her.
You said $25. Wait, wait, Kalila and I got a haircut today, and I pay for both of them $250.

Speaker 2 And yours.

Speaker 4 Because it's just a haircut.

Speaker 2 Oh, is that why?

Speaker 1 It's just a haircut. Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. $250 streaks.
How much money? Yours costs $100?

Speaker 2 My guy's the best. $100?

Speaker 2 Great. You didn't do anything different to your hair.
It looks the same. It doesn't look the same.
You said my face looks thinner. Your face does look thinner.
Then that's it.

Speaker 2 But he just shaved the side of your head. Yeah, but he also does.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 He does.

Speaker 2 For $100? Yeah. Cross-cut what? No, what do they call it?

Speaker 2 How they chop, chop, chop. Layer it? They layer it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 A hundred dollar layering job? Yeah, yeah. There's there, really? Yeah.
All right. If there's a, if there's someone out there that wants to start cutting Bobby's hair, please let us know.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because $100 is

Speaker 2 $120 because there's not a lot of hair to cut. Not a lot of hair to cut.
Yeah, yeah. It's like six or seven bucks.
Yeah. But I don't pay a hundred dollars.
Yeah. That's insane.

Speaker 2 You could spend a thousand on your eyebrows, though.

Speaker 2 Are you jealous?

Speaker 2 No, your eyebrows are disgusting. Are you jealous because your eyebrows don't exist? Yeah.
Look at your little thin bullshit eyebrows that they blend into your face. It's beautiful.

Speaker 2 You know what? I just don't think you

Speaker 2 should keep it like that so you don't accent your eyes. That's the problem.
You don't want to show those things off. My beautiful eyes.
Those little beady holes that you've got. All right.

Speaker 2 That looks as simple. Cancel.
Cancel yourself.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Cancel myself.
Cancel yourself. Because I said you have beady eyes.
Yeah. That's not even a fucking ethnic slur.

Speaker 2 Beady eyes. You want to say gook eyes? Of course I do.

Speaker 2 That's what you want to say. But I can't say it.
Yeah. You can't say it.
Because the New York Times will say he called one of his good friends the G word. Say it.
I can't.

Speaker 2 One, two, three. Three.
What? Oh, I thought you were going to say it. Thank you for being a bad friend.
No. Oh, what? I thought you were going to say the G word.
No. One, two, three.

Speaker 2 I asked Rick Lassman if he wants to direct the bottoms of Turtle Island. Okay, so I have a proposal for you for real.
Yeah. Does that hurt? Oh, is Andreas going to direct it?

Speaker 2 Well, let me give you something real. Yeah, yeah.
Do you know who Steve Howey is? I love Steve. You know him? Oh, I love him.
I did a show with him, a pilot with him once. Okay.

Speaker 2 He reached out to me because a friend of his has a script for Bottoms of Turtle Island, and they want to shoot it. Wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Based on our description of the show? Yeah, like he put it together. Do you know what I mean? Are you being real? I am beyond serious.

Speaker 2 But they actually have a budget, and they actually are willing to shoot this in Hawaii with us. About the Bottoms of Turtle Island.
I swear to God. Really? I swear to God.

Speaker 2 It's so ridiculous. They want to do it.
Really? Yes. Would Jules be...
Yes. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're in it.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 You're the fucking leader. It's you.
You're the lead. It's you.
You don't know how to act. You're doing it right now.
You're doing it right now. You're acting like you want to be here sometimes.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're doing it. I'm dead serious.

Speaker 2 Who's going to direct it?

Speaker 2 That's up for us to decide, I think.

Speaker 2 Let's think, though. Do you like Andreas? I think Andreas can do it.
But do you think he's good enough?

Speaker 2 But let's do it. We have to do it.
Just for a second. Because it can't be good.
No. We want it to be bad.
All right, Andreas, you're hired.

Speaker 2 Thank you, guys. No, but Andreas, really, come in here.

Speaker 2 Do you want to see him in here? Yeah. He's down there on camera.
All right, so Andreas, stay there in the camera. Okay.
All right. Let me ask you something, all right?

Speaker 2 What would you bring to the movie?

Speaker 2 Sell us.

Speaker 2 Enthusiasm.

Speaker 2 We're taking a coffee meeting with you right now.

Speaker 2 Sell us on the fact that you want to be the director of the film. Go ahead.

Speaker 6 Little guys.

Speaker 2 Little guys? No.

Speaker 2 You start off with an insult?

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 6 Look, guys, my movie, The Devil Below, is number three on Netflix right now. Because who?

Speaker 2 I promoted it.

Speaker 6 That's what I'm saying. Like, this team works.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Good twist. Good sound.

Speaker 2 So tell me, what can you bring to the film that other directors couldn't?

Speaker 6 Well, I know you guys well. For example, I know that...

Speaker 6 Bobby probably doesn't want to do too many takes.

Speaker 2 Okay. That's not true.
First of all, listen.

Speaker 2 That sounds valid. No, at the end of the day, we would be directing it.
He can be on the. Well, you want him to DP it?

Speaker 2 No, he'll be the director, but obviously we're like, you're shooting everything on a medium? No, get a fucking wide. So we're going to boss him around.
Yeah, we'll boss him around. Okay.

Speaker 6 How many directors can be bossed around in Hollywood?

Speaker 2 Huh? That's true. This is interesting.
This is interesting.

Speaker 2 So are you willing to let us boss you around and push you around on set and also step on your shot list and also deny almost every request that you have?

Speaker 6 Don't I do it every week?

Speaker 2 Oh, Andreas, and this is what's going to happen. This is actually really cool.
Let's do what we're doing a take in the movie, right?

Speaker 2 Andreas, give me a note, an acting note, and this is what I'm going to respond with. Well, let's finish the scene and then he can tell us.
All right?

Speaker 2 So we have to get down there immediately or they're going to kill us. Would you suck my dick again? Fine.
All right. Got

Speaker 2 that was good, Bob. That was really good.
Thanks, man. Honestly, man.
Killing it today.

Speaker 6 What's up?

Speaker 6 That was great, but can you put a little more emotion when you look at Andrew in the eyes?

Speaker 2 You know, like you feel it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can you give me a cup of coffee? Yep. Coming up.

Speaker 2 That's exactly what I'd say. Yep.
Coming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fancy, maybe you do have the job. And then he comes back with the coffee.
We've already done nine more takes.

Speaker 2 We already kept going. Yeah, yeah, we kept going.
Keep going. Keep rolling.
Keep rolling, right? Let's do this in a runner. How many coffees do we send to him to go get coffee? Oh, every time.

Speaker 2 All day. Yeah, yeah.
Who needs a cop? Background? Do you need coffees?

Speaker 2 Can I make him get coffee for background? Right. But this is a real proposal.
We have a proposal to actually shoot the bottom of the turtle island. That's amazing.
It's a real thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, um, it's a real thing. How many characters are in in it? That's the thing.

Speaker 2 That's just very isolated. Yeah, let me ask you something.
I forget

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 how did we get on the island?

Speaker 2 Well, you were working in your.

Speaker 2 You were working, you went home to eat ramen below the Chinese restaurant that you were. That's right, that's right.
And you go to sleep, and when you wake up, you're under sand in the island.

Speaker 2 Remember,

Speaker 2 that's right, that's right, that's right. And so we wake up there, and we don't reveal that mystery yet.
Right.

Speaker 2 Is this a short or we're doing a full feature? I think it's 125 minutes.

Speaker 2 We could fill

Speaker 2 225 pages. He said, we'll shoot half of it.
Wow. I do have a script.
I'm going to send it to you for real. Are you being rude? I swear to God.

Speaker 2 This guy just, so he listened to bad friends. Howie called me.
Steve Howie. Yeah.
Who's the shit? And he said, hey, you know, he played a little catch up and he goes, I have a weird request.

Speaker 2 I have a friend who's a fan of the show. He has a script.
They have a budget. They actually have money to shoot this in Hawaii.
And if you guys want to do it, we can do it. So I called the guy.
100%.

Speaker 2 I called the guy and I said, is this serious? Are you for real? He goes, I swear to God. And he sent me the materials.
And he said, this week, will you talk to Bobby about it?

Speaker 2 And I said, well, we'll talk about it on the show. Wow, this is going to come.
We're going to become a reality. So what's the budget, though?

Speaker 2 I think they all turn in their Burmitz for money.

Speaker 2 It's like $100. Right.
Let me ask you something. Could we? We're going to lose money on it, but it's going to be fun as fuck.
Oh, yeah, because we won't get paid. No, paid.
No. There's no way.
No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you won't get paid. And then we.
You You have to take a boat to get to Hawaii. Yeah, yeah.
But for makeup and special effects, I already know the woman I want to use. Okay, fine.
Jen Espinall.

Speaker 2 Okay, it's locked. It's whatever we want.
They want to work with her. Jen Espinall.
Okay.

Speaker 2 She's won some awards, but she was SNL. Now, be real.
You can't afford someone that's won awards, dude. No, but she's a friend.
We're working on a shoe shell. She's mad.
She did SNL for 20 years.

Speaker 2 Oh, bro. Back in the day.
She is not doing this.

Speaker 2 And then she did Mad TV when I was on for like 15 years. We can't ask her for a favor.
She's a real

Speaker 2 favorite. No, Jen Espinel will do it.
She will. Yeah, and she's great at prosthetics and special effects.
Imagine her listening to this in her car being like, no!

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 2 I'm making Jen Espinel do it. Okay.
Because that's where the money will go. I'm asking.
The money will go there. Well, the money has to go to like editing and all that shit and cameras.

Speaker 2 How do we get her to look like that? She kind of looks like that. Yeah, that's true.
That's not a lot. Actually, you know what? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, we just have to grow out your fingernails and dye them yellow. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But this is going to come to fruition. Yeah, that's amazing.
Those that sleep will die first.

Speaker 2 That's what they say. You cannot sleep.
Yeah, this is amazing. It's a great story.
And the fans want it. It's kind of funny.
The fans want it. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 2 I think it's going to happen. In between all the other stuff that you've got going on, we do need to make this happen for real.

Speaker 2 I would not work again to make this happen. Really? 100%.
Okay. This right here

Speaker 2 is going to ruin our career.

Speaker 2 It'll be, it's dead. Okay.
But I have to see it through.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's one of those things that if it dies, it dies. But what would this really, truly, this could be one of those, like, this is like us sucking each other's.
There's a lot of pig sucking in it.

Speaker 2 But that's, dude, is that in the script? I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's 2021, dude. People are down for cool shit like that now.

Speaker 2 I know, but isn't there, like, let me say, when we're in the bottom, isn't there a lot of guys in there? We're all, there's a lot of

Speaker 2 Calini shit going on. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
There's a lot of men blowing each other. Caligula.
Caligula. Tons of Caligula.
Yeah, Caligula.

Speaker 2 But the cool thing about what's going on right now, societally, is that who's going to get mad at us for doing shit like that on film? Let's just try to, but let's try to make it great.

Speaker 2 We're going to make it really good. No, I'm being real.
So am I. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to make this movie. Yeah, let's make it great.

Speaker 2 Here, there's only one point of contention. What?

Speaker 2 The guy said, we love you guys, but we also know globally we want to sell tickets. Okay, so here's what.
Let me just say, guys, here's where the slam is.

Speaker 2 He's going to slam me and it's going to hurt, but I have a slam back.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 honestly, honestly, I'll only do it if Bill Burr plays your part. Okay.
Okay. And if Ken Jong plays your part, then I'll get it.
All right. So we're not going to get it.

Speaker 2 Slams aside, we do have to do the whole thing in Chinese because they need to sell this to China.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's the slam?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 That's a you slam. No, I'm just saying, do we talk like that? We have to talk like that.
Or they can just get a guy to dub it. They'll have a Chinese guy dubbing it.
That'd be funny.

Speaker 2 But this does need to sell overseas. Okay, no one's gonna.
Do we don't have? Let me ask you something. Our audience is huge in China.
I know, but huge. No, they're not.

Speaker 2 Yes, we have a ton of Chinese fans. When I was in fucking Hungary, I was testing it out.
Hungary is in China. I know, but I went to, I tested it out.

Speaker 2 I went to, there's this place where there's a Ferris wheel and skateboarders and all these young kids have been fighting. That's where the Chinese are.

Speaker 2 No, in Hungary, I got recognized for a month and a half twice

Speaker 2 from fucking bad friends. Hungary.

Speaker 2 Twice. That's not our market.

Speaker 2 That's not our market. Yeah.
Our market is Ireland, Philippines, China. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Korea?

Speaker 2 Not really. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If I'm being honest, it's mostly China. All right.
Speed of which, did you see John Cena speak in Chinese? No.

Speaker 2 What? No. Can you play this clip? Can you play John Cena? You don't know this? No.

Speaker 2 He called Taiwan.

Speaker 2 Fuck, I'm going to fuck it up. John Cena speaks.
No, that's not it. It John Cena apologizes in Chinese.

Speaker 2 How about this kind of word for information?

Speaker 2 I love and respect China and the Chinese people.

Speaker 7 Sorry.

Speaker 2 He's very sorry. He said it five times.

Speaker 2 Again, he really doesn't respect the Chinese people.

Speaker 2 Right. What he did was he called Taiwan.
What did he say about Taiwan?

Speaker 2 Go back.

Speaker 2 Could speak Chinese that well? Yeah, it was unfucking real. Startling to me.
You know, I've done two sketches with him. Do you ever see that?

Speaker 2 Do you ever see 24? Here, John Cena apologized because we referred to Taiwan as a country. Can I promote my own shit?

Speaker 2 This whole show. Yeah.

Speaker 2 If you go to YouTube, 24 with Bobby Lee and John Cena. Have you seen it? Yeah.
Yeah. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 That's a good album.