Bobby Lee Rocks the Scissor Bros

Speaker 1 Tito's handmade vodka is America's favorite vodka for a reason.

Speaker 1 From the first legal distillery in Texas, Tito's is six times distilled till it's just right and naturally gluten-free, making it a high-quality spirit that mixes with just about anything.

Speaker 1 From the smoothest martinis to the best Bloody Marys, Tito's is known for giving back, teaming up with nonprofits to serve its communities, and do good for dogs. Make your next cocktail with Tito's.

Speaker 1 Distilled and bottled by Fifth Generation Inc., Austin, Texas. 40% alcohol by volume.
Savor responsibly.

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 You're my friend.

Speaker 2 You're very bad

Speaker 2 Probably the worst friend

Speaker 2 You look like

Speaker 2 Muppet

Speaker 2 You look like Godzilla's precom

Speaker 2 Steebie Weeby is in the house

Speaker 2 You got a baby

Speaker 2 got a baby

Speaker 2 And you got a lady

Speaker 2 And she's gone

Speaker 2 She's in Vegas

Speaker 2 All the guys are hitting on her her right now

Speaker 2 He's jerking off on her chest

Speaker 2 Jerking off on her chest

Speaker 2 Brendan Shub wants to fuck her too

Speaker 2 Brendan Shub wants to

Speaker 2 do

Speaker 2 all night long

Speaker 2 He wants to with his grabbed by the hair dog

Speaker 2 hair dog

Speaker 2 He's got a very very big muscular penis He wants to insert it insert inside her Filipino flower his dick has deltoids

Speaker 2 Bad friend

Speaker 2 Friends of the end

Speaker 2 friends to the end

Speaker 2 You gonna sing a lyric

Speaker 2 you sing the next for next you sing the next you sing the next joke chunk. Go ahead.
They can't hear you too. Yeah, take the mask off.

Speaker 2 Take the mask off.

Speaker 2 No, no, but yeah, we are next.

Speaker 2 You're doing the next yours. Okay.

Speaker 2 Bad friend, my friend Andrew. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He is a ginger.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Colder than winter. Yeah, yes.

Speaker 2 Bad friends,

Speaker 2 my brother Bobby

Speaker 2 He has a tummy

Speaker 2 Bad friends

Speaker 2 Bad friends

Speaker 2 Last name Santino

Speaker 2 Has red pubes downstairs

Speaker 2 Downstairs he has freckles too

Speaker 2 Bobby has gangrene on his feet

Speaker 2 It smells like diarrhea

Speaker 2 Bad and fungus

Speaker 2 Don't talk about my feet. Okay,

Speaker 2 don't talk about my feet bad friends

Speaker 2 His feet are so gross

Speaker 2 Jeremiah you're next

Speaker 2 Don't talk about Jeremiah is next

Speaker 2 bad friends. He's feeling like they died in a cold mind in 1922.
Oh, we did it.

Speaker 2 We did it. Welcome, Jules.
Good to see you.

Speaker 2 Hi. Okay, good.
What's up, Andrew?

Speaker 2 No, no, let's not.

Speaker 2 Let's not do that. Okay.
All right. You know, let's open it.
It's good to see you.

Speaker 2 Good to see you. I love you.
You're my family, and I love you the most. Take the wig off.
You'll play Jeremiah now.

Speaker 2 Why don't we start off

Speaker 2 with a little prayer? Oh, yeah. I brought a knife.

Speaker 2 Oh, you still want to do the bid? Oh, just for one minute because I brought a knife. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Go. Let's start with a prayer.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Dear Heavenly Father,

Speaker 2 thank you for blessing us today and allowing me to see my brother. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I am going to get vaccinated soon.

Speaker 2 Are you really going to? Yeah, I am.

Speaker 2 I know. Do you know who to call? Yeah,

Speaker 2 my friend Eric is working on it as we speak.

Speaker 2 Wait, Eric.

Speaker 2 Wait. Eric works at a clinic.
He knows someone at a clinic.

Speaker 2 But you could just...

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 2 this is my prayer, though.

Speaker 2 This is my prayer. This is my prayer.

Speaker 2 Thank you for allowing Jeremiah to be here today.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Keto, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Thank you for

Speaker 2 allowing us to start Scissor Bros Podcast together. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And thank you for our health and that we're allowed to podcast during these times. These times.
Thank you for allowing us to have food in our systems every day. Yeah, in our bodily systems.

Speaker 2 In our bodily systems, we need nutrients.

Speaker 2 And thank you for the sun light.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 You know, a lot of people don't ever thank the sun. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Without the sun, what happens? You die.

Speaker 2 Maybe. You will.
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then do the closer. We say this in your name.
Let's do our God.

Speaker 2 What's the song? How does it go? Our God is an awesome god he reigns from heaven above all right right okay our god is an awesome god

Speaker 2 he reigns from heaven above

Speaker 2 wisdom power and love our god is an awesome god

Speaker 2 yeah i love it

Speaker 2 i love it because do you still believe in jesus no

Speaker 2 What happened because you were so devout? Oh, I got brainwashed. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay, good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That allowed me not to get girls in high school. You already know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you probably, do you drink off still every night? You know what?

Speaker 2 I was, I was abstaining for months. You know that.
Yeah, I know. You were doing good.
For like two, three months. You were doing good.
I folded, brother.

Speaker 2 Whatever. Whatever.
In a major... I just got, you know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But you'd like you, because I've done that. I think I've lasted myself about 27 days.

Speaker 2 It's difficult. I was doing meetings and everything.
Oh, you were? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Zoom meetings, all that. Yeah.
Now,

Speaker 2 the baby, Jeremiah, how is it? Is it a boy or a girl? It's a boy. So happy.
Yeah. And so excited.
Yeah. What's the boy's comment? I texted Bobby and he didn't respond.
His name's Wilder.

Speaker 2 That's a great name. Like, Gene Wilder? Yeah.
Like Wilder Watkins.

Speaker 2 Wilder Watkins. That's a great name.
Wilder J. Watkins.
Yeah. Strong.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Did you have an argument with your girl about that? No, we came up with it together. Oh, she was like, who said it first, though? She did.
She brought it up.

Speaker 2 We were were watching a gene wilder movie and she goes what about wilder i go i love that's great yeah i love how that happens yeah yeah

Speaker 2 because i'm glad it's not like you know the standard like call it jeremiah because it's your firstborn right and it's gonna be

Speaker 2 the second one oh you don't jeremiah jr no yeah have you been at the comedy stores or any uh no it just opened up on fridays and i went how

Speaker 2 last night and saturday oh it was just weird it was good to be back just i didn't perform i just went to hang out what was the capacity there like how many people were in the main room?

Speaker 2 Probably about in the main room, probably about 75, 80 people. Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 In the main room, they were still like scattered, but it was good to see everybody. I saw, you know, the whole gang.
Yeah. You know, Bill Burrow was there, a bunch of people.

Speaker 2 And then last night I went to

Speaker 2 Brian Monarch's show down in Hollywood. Have you been to that one? Supernova? Yeah.
I've done it a couple times. It's great.
I mean, it looks amazing. It's an amazing show.

Speaker 2 I went there with Spade and Tim Dylan. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And it was just, I just needed to go just to get my juices flowing. I'm scared of it.

Speaker 2 I've never done it in a while. Yeah, I'm scared of it.
Are you rusty?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm rusty. You are? I don't know what I'm.
You don't know what it is. I'm scared to do it.
I'm scared to do it. So it's like you're open micer again.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I feel like it's no, well, settle down.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Settle. Don't have to apologize.

Speaker 2 Listen, Steve, I'm trying to love. I haven't seen you in the world.

Speaker 2 I love you. I haven't seen you in so long.

Speaker 2 You miss me? Of course I miss you. But I feel like I see you all the time because we play Warzone together every night.
Yeah, but it's not the same. I know.
Because you get annoyed by me

Speaker 2 when we play Warzone. Well, you just, I feel like you're not having fun anymore.
You're doing Cold War shit. I'm not having fun with you.
You're not enjoying resurgence.

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I know. I'll take.

Speaker 2 Well, I think. Well, what's your experience? Well, because

Speaker 2 just listen to what you're saying. What? Okay, listen to what you're saying.
Okay. And then put your age into it.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I'm 50, and we're talking about, you know what I mean? You're not funny. Oh, I know I'm a man-child.

Speaker 2 I know, but it's like, I think that's a part of it. Yeah.
Because when you and I, you, me, and Dylan are

Speaker 2 doing chemical engineering. Chemical engineering.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 whenever we drop into chemical engineering, you get really excited like a little baby. Yeah, because I like going.
I have like, yeah, great. You know what I mean? I have a routine.

Speaker 2 You know, you have my routine. Yeah, you know what door to go in.
I know what chest is there. Yeah, yeah.
I'll get my bullfrog. It makes me want to vomit.
All right, then. Then we don't.
We can play.

Speaker 2 No, I want to put no. Okay.
I've tried to play the Steve recently. Yeah, what happened?

Speaker 2 No, because we have a full squad. He's like, I already have trios.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm already in a dynamic. I've got nothing against you, though.
I know. It's not a triple.
I'm just nothing against you. I have a squad.
I have a numbers game. I get it.
I get it. Exactly.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 are you really going to get vaxxed to be honest? Because when I called you, you're like...

Speaker 2 No, I am no anti-vaxxer. Don't.

Speaker 2 I'm going to. I'm just lazy about it.
I'm going to take them. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just saying because you, you said to me on the phone, I just want to.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm not anti-vaxxer.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying

Speaker 2 I'm going to get vaccinated. I just said, have you gotten vaccinated? Well, I don't know what it does to the body.

Speaker 2 That's what you said. So I've been on YouTube.
I don't know what the hell you're doing. No, no, no.
Do you use YouTube? No, no, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 I don't know what it does to the body.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. I'm not going on.
The reptilian shit's different.

Speaker 2 The reptilian shit. Yeah, it's different.
I'm going to get vaccinated. So you don't have the reptilian alien raising.
No, no, no, no. I want to see mom.
Yeah. Come on.
Oh, you do? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, because I text her every day. I do, too.
Every day.

Speaker 2 She texts you first, right? Absolutely. She does these long quotes.
Oh, I love

Speaker 2 inspirational quotes. It's weird.
Does she send emojis or bitmojis ever? No, quotes. Inspirational quotes.

Speaker 2 Like, she'll have like, it'll be like

Speaker 2 a photograph of a butterfly, you know, and it'll say, you know, today is the only day that we have live in the moment. And there'll be this butterfly.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I love it.
And then I don't know what the text specs. So I'm like, I never heard that before.

Speaker 2 Heart emoji.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Heart emoji. You send a heart emoji? Every day.
That's all you put? You don't put anything on? I say, I do three or four. I go, I love you, mom, one day.
Yeah, I'm looking at you. Hold your phone.

Speaker 2 I'm going to read you what I've, let's see if they're similar okay no I did say the same stuff yeah yeah yeah I'm because I'm very similar on mine too so let's do the same

Speaker 2 so I'm gonna go where's mom where's mom mom

Speaker 2 okay so so here here's mine right and these are like read yours all right so

Speaker 2 so she goes um well you read three or four I'll read three or four which is you want to do responses Here's my response. Okay.
Three or four.

Speaker 2 Good night and dream beautiful dreams. No, read hers first.
Or I'll see you. Yeah, to give context.
Oh, all right. Yeah, yeah.
Don't be rude. Okay, sorry.
You are here for a reason.

Speaker 2 There's nothing accidental about you. There is a specific purpose, assignment, and mission on earth that only you can fulfill.
Never doubt your specialness.

Speaker 2 Then I go, Good night, and dream beautiful dreams.

Speaker 2 That's better than mine.

Speaker 2 What is your looking? Okay, at Cigna Pharmacy, I picked up some medication, and on the way home, I stopped at Albertson's and got some groceries. Yeah.
Good night, exclamation point.

Speaker 2 Wishing you a peaceful night's rest. That's your response? No.
And then my response is, you too, Oma.

Speaker 2 Heart. All right.
All right. Heart.
I'll give you the one. Okay.
So this is my mom. She does a Dr.
Seuss. Okay.
She goes, why fit in when you were born to stand out, Dr. Seuss?

Speaker 2 Then she says, stay safe and healthy. Good night and sweet dreams.
Love you. And then my response is, that's a good quote, mom.
Hope everything is okay.

Speaker 2 Ask if you need something.

Speaker 2 You're doing way better than me.

Speaker 2 Give me a give you a quick.

Speaker 2 Time to go to bed. Stay safe and take care.
Good night and sleep tight. Love you.

Speaker 2 And my response, night, mom.

Speaker 2 Heart.

Speaker 2 That's all the.

Speaker 2 That's all that. Do two more and then we'll wrap it up.

Speaker 2 We'll wrap it up. I'll do one more.
I'll just do one more. I'll wrap it up.
All right. 93 degrees.
This is what she says. 93 degrees right now.
I think the summer is around the corner.

Speaker 2 Good night and sleep tight. Hope you're feeling good.
Miss you so much. I love you with all my heart.

Speaker 2 You're killing me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 It's windy outside, but the temperature is perfect today. Take care and stay safe.
Good night and sleep tight. Love you.

Speaker 2 What's your response?

Speaker 2 Love you, Oma.

Speaker 2 So I reduce it.

Speaker 2 I did a repeat.

Speaker 2 But I left a heart emoji. Yeah, but that's...
I did a repeat. Yeah, you did a repeat.
You know what? You're right. I need to do more thoughtful.

Speaker 2 You know what it is? I want to do repeats, too.

Speaker 2 Can I be honest? Since dad passed,

Speaker 2 it's been tough, you know, like, because I don't know how to communicate, like,

Speaker 2 I don't know how to explain this, but I think I just subconsciously keep it brief. Like, so.
Oh, you're trying to detach?

Speaker 2 Is that when she dies. No, no, no, no, no.
Nothing like that. I think it's just because I don't, I don't know what to say.
Like, I, you know, your responses were way more thoughtful.

Speaker 2 No, it's, I'm, I'm sitting there. I spend 45 minutes on it.
Oh, you do? Yeah. Oh, no, no, mine's the opposite.
I just go, oh. No, no, I just kind of stare and I go, what do I say? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And sometimes I'll rewrite it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I don't want to, I've, I've wanted to do that, heart emojis or just I love you, but I don't, I want her to think that, like, you know, I'm thinking about it a a little bit.

Speaker 2 You know, yeah. You know, but do you talk to her? I talked to her two weeks ago.
Yeah. Do you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, you do. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
What did she talk about? Well, just what she did, where she went, and what she's watching, and all that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Your mom texted me too.

Speaker 2 Go ahead, Jeremy.

Speaker 2 She said, at the end of hardship comes happiness. And it's a picture of a yak.

Speaker 2 And then it says, is Steve vaccinated yet?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I love you. I love you.

Speaker 2 What's that?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you see any movies?

Speaker 2 What's that demon movie you told me to see, the Taiwanese one?

Speaker 2 You already saw it.

Speaker 2 That was scary. Let the devil talk you.
Okay. I saw Justice League.
I know, but that's the only thing?

Speaker 2 You know, Chris Stockman, our favorite reviewer, he reviewed a movie called The Empty Man. Have you seen that, Jeremiah? No.
It's it's okay, so there's a... Okay, the movie in itself is okay,

Speaker 2 but there's one scene in The Empty Man. I want you to see the movie because there's one scene that's so weird and creepy.
Is it a horror flick? It's a horror flick, yeah. Well, like The Empty Man.

Speaker 2 What are you talking about? I don't know. A guy's like a

Speaker 2 guy like that. A psychological thriller? Yeah, yeah.
Maybe. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, but it's a horror movie.
But there's this one scene that's so scary.

Speaker 2 But I want you to see the movie and then you'll call me. I can't believe you're here, right? I can't believe I'm looking at you.
I know you too.

Speaker 2 You love something or what? Of course I love you. You love your bro? Why would you ask something like that? No, I just, you know, I haven't seen you in a while.
Why would you ask something like that?

Speaker 2 I haven't seen you in a while. What do you get angry about? No, I'm just getting emotional.
You're seeing you. I know.
Yeah. This is beautiful.
Idiot. Yeah.
It's weird, huh?

Speaker 2 It's like, I haven't seen... When's the last time I saw you? The last time we podcasted? Months.
It's been months. Let me ask you something.
Yeah, go ahead. Have you seen what me and this guy's doing?

Speaker 2 We're going to promote your podcast. No, no, no, no.
No, just in passing, just in passing, like just a general.

Speaker 2 Do you like it?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you something. I wasn't going to say this, but I'm going to say something to you.
Last night, I was at the Nova, whatever, is that what it's called? At that place, with Spade.

Speaker 2 And these two girls came up to me.

Speaker 2 And they were like,

Speaker 2 you look at me, too. Okay.
Oh, sorry. All right.
Don't respect me.

Speaker 2 Respect me.

Speaker 2 And these two girls came up to me and go, Oh my god, we're huge Tiger Valley fans. And I go, Cool.
And they watch Bad Friends. And they were actually there to see Tim Dylan.
So I go,

Speaker 2 Oh, you like Tim too? She goes, Yeah, can I take photos? We take photos. I go, Yeah.
And then they pulled me aside and they go, We're really hooked on Scissor Brothers.

Speaker 2 And I go, What? He's like, Yeah, I think he goes, We think that that guy has legs.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're lying. I am.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 Were you? Wait, what?

Speaker 2 You lied the whole thing? You looked at me.

Speaker 2 I lied. I did.

Speaker 2 Homie, we believed you. I know.

Speaker 2 Steve and I, we're looking at each other like we had a prize room. I know, fucking

Speaker 2 room. I'll be honest with you.
I'll be honest with you. Steve.
I'll be Steve. Dude, what you just did hurt me to the freaking core.
I know it was fun, though. That hurt me to the core

Speaker 2 of what you just did. I know, but could I...
Why did you do that? Can I i just say this though why this was what you were warning me about steve what that hurt me so i'm so just let it go pain

Speaker 2 is just running through my veins my friend are you angry oh just so sad guess what this guess what though so sad guess what though what after this if you guys want i'll take it to dinner

Speaker 2 really

Speaker 2 You know what? Since you did this,

Speaker 2 I'm going to flip it on you. Have you seen our challenges? Yeah, I saw your challenges.
I saw the one that was really funny that when you guys were ate the I don't know what hot thing that you ate.

Speaker 2 Hot sauce. It was a hot sauce.
Hot sauce, right? What kind of hot sauce was it? Oh, dude, it was. So you got it from the farmer's market.
Yeah, it's called the hottest freaking hot sauce.

Speaker 2 The hottest fucking hot sauce. Right.

Speaker 2 And it made me laugh. I told you.
I called you about that. It made me laugh so hard because what was that last thing that you said when it was

Speaker 2 you said

Speaker 2 it's not affecting me. I feel great.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 it was funny. I feel real good, man.
You go, I feel real good. Oh, dude, boogers.
Yeah, it was really funny. And then when you put the stuff on your dick,

Speaker 2 we did a Ben Gay now. That was really good.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 we have a challenge today for you. Can we do it if it hurts?

Speaker 2 Can we do it at the end so that, like, I can no, it'd be good to do it now. Because you, that, because that, what you did, that hurt us, dude.
That hurt our feelings.

Speaker 2 What is that?

Speaker 2 What is it? Tiger bomb. Tiger bomb.
And then where do we put the tiger bomb?

Speaker 2 Where do you put the tiger? Ask me again.

Speaker 2 Why? Okay, where do you put the tiger bomb? Our nuts. Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 it's one for all, every man for himself. So we're brothers, we're brothers, but I haven't won a challenge.
So it's everybody.

Speaker 2 Let me just...

Speaker 2 Let me ask the rules. This is going to be great.
No, no, let me ask the rules, though. Let me ask the rules.
Yeah. So

Speaker 2 you see me put the stuff on my nuts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're going to. uh so uh we can't do it on camera, but I just need to know it's on the camera.
No, they'll censor it later. We just stand up and pop it up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they'll censor it. So you have to,

Speaker 2 with your left hand, grab it like a tennis racket.

Speaker 2 You're gonna evenly coat the way it holds up, dude.

Speaker 2 You made me do the Bengu when I was a kid, man. I know, I made you.
You owe me. But you owe me.
Can I grab my nuts the way I want to grab my nuts?

Speaker 2 You can grab the way, but you have to nicely coat it evenly. They can be a racquetball racket, a badminton rack.
I was thinking more

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're all going to do it together.
But you're not going to put it on my sack. No, of course not.
Every man for himself. You know what? Every man for himself.

Speaker 2 You put it on my sack.

Speaker 2 What the? Yeah. That's not sanitary.
Yeah, yeah. You put it on my sack.
Do you want to get COVID? What if I have COVID? Yeah, I'm vaccinated. But dude, I might have some other shit.
No.

Speaker 2 You don't want that. You're putting it on my nuts.
No, I'm not putting this on your nut sack. Why? That's fucking just...
Dude, that's not sanitary.

Speaker 2 Jeremiah. You just lost the challenge.

Speaker 2 Wait, what? I have to do it? Come on, you're my scissor, bro.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 Be a friend. You're vaxxed, right, Jerry? Yeah.
Yeah, you put on my nutsack. You're vaxed.
That's the only way I'll do it. Because you won't do it unless I put it on your nutsack.
Yeah. And you what?

Speaker 2 You're putting it on mine? No, you put it on your own. No, you got to finish me off.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. This is how this works.
No, no, no. You're in prison.
If I put it on your own, this is prison. I was in prison.
I've been in prison longer. You're vaccinated.
Let's look at comedy.

Speaker 2 Let's look at comedy like a prison. Okay.

Speaker 2 I've been in prison longer, so I know the ropes. You know what I mean? I have some power in prison, right?

Speaker 2 And you're a new inmate. We don't fuck each other the first year.
I fuck you.

Speaker 2 Jeremiah, you're my brother, dude. You got to do it.
You got to do it. You're vaccinated.
Why won't you do it? But he's vaccinated. I know, but why? But no,

Speaker 2 you think he's gay? You think he's gay? No.

Speaker 2 No, I don't. No.
It's just, it's just, I'm not. He's more suitable.

Speaker 2 I'll make you a deal. I'll do it, right?

Speaker 2 What if he gets a nut and I get a nut?

Speaker 2 Okay, that's fine. We'll spread it.
That's fine.

Speaker 2 You get one nut. Okay, I'll get one nut.
You get one nut. And then I get one nut.
All right. You're my sister.
Dude, that's respect, bro. That's

Speaker 2 respect. You get the best of best.
It'll be good. It's great content, man.
It's great content.

Speaker 2 So, what are the rules? You put it on my nutsack, and then we continue.

Speaker 2 And we put it on ours, too. And then we continue to podcast.

Speaker 2 No, but the thing is, whoever wipes it off.

Speaker 2 How do you wipe it?

Speaker 2 George, do you have baby wipes?

Speaker 2 So, George, what I need from you, take a couple paper towels, go to the sink, dab the towels with some cold water. Okay.
Okay. Help me with this.
And then. Have them ready.
The first person.

Speaker 2 Have them ready on the table. Who wipes them off? The first person.
It might be quick. Who loses?

Speaker 2 I'm going to want to win. I'm going to want to win.
I know, but I'm not going to win. I know.

Speaker 2 Okay. So you get a nut.
First, you put it on first. But, Jeremiah, you have to be, you have to get a nutshell.
I'll put it on a nut. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay, but you guys put it on yourselves first and then put it on me. No, but no, we have to do it

Speaker 2 simultaneously. It's a love triangle.
Yeah, it's a love triangle. All right, so we're all going to put our nut sacks out.
Yes. And then I'll stick.
So you'll stick it on one. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'll put it on the other. Yeah.
But then you'll put, if you don't put it on yours. Oh, we are.
Dude, if you don't put it, if you double my sack,

Speaker 2 if you double my sack, and then you guys don't put it on yours, we're shutting this thing down. Oh, and I know there's a problem.
I know.

Speaker 2 There's a problem.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be like that. I'm going to go like, like, I'll be.

Speaker 2 I'm going to see you do the whole thing. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, absolutely.
No, you know what? You know, how about that? You do half a sack, right? And then I want to see you do the whole thing.

Speaker 2 And then, because I. But, dude, you got to be.
All right, let's just do it.

Speaker 2 This is going to be a disaster. This is going to be a disaster.

Speaker 2 Get it right here. You're not seeing my dick.
I know. Okay.

Speaker 2 I said.

Speaker 2 Okay, so.

Speaker 2 Fucking idiot.

Speaker 2 I'll get to the right one. Are you ready?

Speaker 2 You go first! You go first!

Speaker 2 You put a little on her first!

Speaker 2 You're fucking sacking.

Speaker 2 I don't feel anything.

Speaker 2 I don't feel anything.

Speaker 2 Do you feel anything? Not yet. I don't feel anything.
God damn it.

Speaker 2 I don't feel anything.

Speaker 2 Well, we might have to change it then. No, no, no.
We're not changing anything.

Speaker 2 No, we do. I don't feel anything.
I know. That's why we have to change it.
Wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
I feel something. I feel something.
I feel something. I feel something.
I definitely feel something. Yeah, I feel something now.
I

Speaker 2 definitely. I feel it.
Isn't it fun, though? It's not fun. It's not fun.

Speaker 2 Steve, it's really fun. It's not fun.
It's not fun.

Speaker 2 Do you guys give up? No, I don't give up. I'm not giving up yet.
No, no, let's continue. Okay.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's cool. What? It's a cool, like, a cold

Speaker 2 wind. Yeah, it's like

Speaker 2 my ball's got in a fight with Sub-Zero.

Speaker 2 Mine feels like a microwave. I don't know what you guys are talking about.
It's burning and freezing at the same time. Yeah, it burns and freezes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So, anyway, let's continue.

Speaker 2 So, the baby is it.

Speaker 2 Hold on. Okay.

Speaker 2 So the baby. No, hold on.

Speaker 2 Is the baby cry at night? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
It does? It does, yeah.

Speaker 2 I know. You guys can handle it.

Speaker 2 I can handle it.

Speaker 2 We have to raise it up a couple notches, though. We do.
Because

Speaker 2 I feel it, but I think we'd feel it more in our butt. I'm not putting it in my butt.
Come on, dude. We already get out of my sack.
This is great content. I'm telling you.
This is great.

Speaker 2 Dude,

Speaker 2 man, people would love this to see this.

Speaker 2 I don't understand how you're not feeling it.

Speaker 2 I don't understand why you're not feeling it.

Speaker 2 It's killing me right now. It hurts so bad.
It hurts so bad to me right now. It does? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It feels good. Dude, Steve, it's getting hot in here, dude.
Yeah, it's so bad. It is?

Speaker 2 How about your baby? And how about this? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don't, don't, no, let's just let's think about this. No, I want we'll raise it up and

Speaker 2 hot.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. So, no, so Jeremiah.

Speaker 2 Jeremiah.

Speaker 2 Let's just do this, okay?

Speaker 2 Well, it's just, you know, promotion.

Speaker 2 Promotion, baby. You know, we need help.
Jeremiah, let's just do this. Pretend you're in an acting scene.
Okay. Right?

Speaker 2 This podcast is a film. Okay.

Speaker 2 Steven Spielberg is directing.

Speaker 2 And you cannot, you know, let anyone know

Speaker 2 what you're doing right now. Yeah.
So try to, no, you're not, I can still see that you're suffering. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 So, right now, if they, if people tuned in right now to the podcast, they would see the Lee brothers as if nothing happened, but they would look at you and they'd be like, oh my God, that guy's going through something.

Speaker 2 I'm perfectly normal. Okay.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 2 you want me to do an acting scene? No, just, just, just pretend it's not happening. So, your baby.

Speaker 2 No, sir. You guys, this is not strong.
We got to do something.

Speaker 2 Honestly, you need to go to the hospital. No, let's do

Speaker 2 what's going on with your physiology. This is the next.
How much do your balls hurt? Because it burns so bad right now. No, that's not.
This is nothing. I thought it'd be more.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We do our penises next, then the butthole.

Speaker 2 How we did the pengue. We got to do the whole

Speaker 2 thing, you know, or else we're just half-assed doing it. So

Speaker 2 go choose next.

Speaker 2 So go back in the corner, guys. Come on.

Speaker 2 Please, please.

Speaker 2 What are we doing?

Speaker 2 But no asshole. No, but if penis, no asshole.

Speaker 2 No asshole. I won't do my asshole.

Speaker 2 All right. Okay.
But we'll do we have to do our own.

Speaker 2 We're not going to take your penis. Yeah, yeah.
I have to see you do it first. And you go first.

Speaker 2 So anyway, so the baby is your baby a crier? Does it cry at night? Yeah, occasionally.

Speaker 2 But are you staying up like late? Who's in charge of staying up?

Speaker 2 Who's in charge of staying up? Is it you and your wife? Do you have shared duties? It's mainly my wife because I've been busy editing the Scissor Brothers podcast. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I had a gig in Ventura last night, so she watched the baby while I was gone doing shows. Oh, cool, man.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man.

Speaker 2 You can't think.

Speaker 2 Your brain is frozen, isn't it?

Speaker 2 I'm not with drugs. I'm a professional.
The fear has stopped. I'm a brain friend.
I'm a professional. The fear has stopped.
So I'm a professional.

Speaker 2 I'm a professional. Yeah, so for me, you know, I'm going.

Speaker 2 It hurts, doesn't it? Yeah. So for me.
Does your penis hurt now? Yes. It doesn't get better.
Yeah, so what I'm saying to you.

Speaker 2 So what I'm saying is I'm going.

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 2 Let's be serious. Yeah, yeah.
You know what? Let's start over. And I want people to feel sweaty.

Speaker 2 I want people to feel sweating right now. Let's start over.
I'm going to start the podcast over. And let's make people pretend that we didn't do it, okay?

Speaker 2 All right. So here we go, right? Five, four, three.

Speaker 2 Hey, welcome to another episode of Reference.

Speaker 2 And we've got my brother Steve Steve haven't seen you in a while. Good to see you, good seeing you.
Yeah, yeah. And we've got

Speaker 2 Jules there. Jules is there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi.
Hi.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Hi, Tito Van.
Hello, Jules. Welcome back.
I mean, well, hello.

Speaker 2 Anyway, so I haven't seen you in so long. It's good seeing you.
Yeah, yeah. Real good seeing you.
You want to do a prayer? Oh, yeah. Yeah, do a prayer.

Speaker 2 Dear Lord, thank you for allowing us to meet today and congregate. And thank you for such a beautiful day.

Speaker 2 Thank you for our food that we eat every day and just allowing all these great opportunities that

Speaker 2 you're providing.

Speaker 2 We say this in your name, Lord. Amen.

Speaker 2 It's a good prayer. Thank you.
It's a really good prayer. When does it go away? It won't.
What do you mean it won't? Yeah, it won't go away. So,

Speaker 2 i'm going to out of town

Speaker 2 i'm going out of town yeah you have some show dates yeah no i'm going to do shoot a movie in hungary oh yeah next week yeah yeah that's right are you so what's your role like can you tell us about your role i don't want to talk about the role oh but i don't want to talk about the did you have to audition for it you said i did have to audition for it

Speaker 2 are you crying yeah

Speaker 2 look at this

Speaker 2 you okay no okay

Speaker 2 let's keep going no i'm not gonna give up do you give up no i don't give up so um i'm going away you know and it's it's funny because

Speaker 2 I was in Oklahoma last week. So I've been kind of going out and I've been going out

Speaker 2 in the town and eating dinner with friends. It's been good.
I feel like everything's coming back. You said you had some good barbecue in Oklahoma? Yeah.
You did. I did.

Speaker 2 What's your favorite kind of barbecue? It wasn't barbecue that I ate. I ate at steakhouses.
Steakhouses? Yeah. What I do is, yeah, anyway,

Speaker 2 what happened was, you know what I did?

Speaker 2 You know those scooters? The birds?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did that. This is not enough, guys.
You guys,

Speaker 2 cut the act.

Speaker 2 Really? You know what we have to do. Buttholes? Yeah, we have to.
Steve.

Speaker 2 We have to.

Speaker 2 This left eyeball. We have to do it.
Steve, Steve. What?

Speaker 2 We're not doing our potholes.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? We have to. Steve? It's this trifecta.
Steve, Steve. Boom, boom, boom.
Right chair in my back nap, dude. Scissor brother.
We gotta do our potholes. We have to do it.

Speaker 2 And then how do we do it? I'm just, I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

Speaker 2 I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it.

Speaker 2 What does it entail?

Speaker 2 You have to really swirl in your donkomok. Inside the hole? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Inside the butthole. Inside.

Speaker 2 Yeah. We have to, right? Yeah.
We have to do it.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's great content. Trust me.

Speaker 2 Trust me. It's

Speaker 2 great content. Great.
But let me ask you this. Can I ask you you this?

Speaker 2 Isn't it fun, though? It's not fun. It's absolutely not fun.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 I came here, I have all these ideas of how we're going to do the part.

Speaker 2 It's all out the window. What do you mean? You can't think? No, so let me ask you this, my friend.
What? Let me ask you this, friend. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So you said the sack first. We did it.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 I guess the pain wasn't... you know what I mean that great for you.
Yeah. So then you went, let's try penis, right? We did the penis, okay.
That was worse, right?

Speaker 2 It feels bad now, yeah, it does real bad. Okay,

Speaker 2 now, what makes you think the asshole is gonna have you tried it on your asshole? Yeah, it's gonna be heightened like crazy, it's gonna be heightened because it's more. Um,

Speaker 2 this is more of a sensitive area, yeah, it's a sensitive area.

Speaker 2 The penis head is not more sensitive than the asshole. Well, let's find out, let's find out.
I, I don't, right, Jeremiah, okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, my god.

Speaker 2 I gotta see you putting your asshole.

Speaker 2 I gotta see you put it in the asshole.

Speaker 2 Okay, fuck.

Speaker 2 Hurry up, hurry up. That's all right.
Hurry up. Go ahead.
Go ahead. You have to do it.
I did the deck today.

Speaker 2 Hurry up, hurry up. You guys are stalling.
Hurry up.

Speaker 2 Hurry up.

Speaker 2 Dude, you're stalling.

Speaker 2 Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Speaker 2 You guys are stalling. You guys are stalling.
You guys are stalling. Back away.
I don't want you around. You're not doing it.
I want to make sure you do it. I am going to do it.
You can see me do it.

Speaker 2 You guys are stalling, please. I'm going.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay, okay. Alright, go back to the seat.

Speaker 2 Did you do it? I think so. I think so.
I think you did. Now we're good.

Speaker 2 Can I say something? You're right.

Speaker 2 Steve. You're absolutely correct.

Speaker 2 It is more sensitive.

Speaker 2 It is more sensitive than the penis.

Speaker 2 It's unusual.

Speaker 2 You discover things every day. You would not think.
It's a new level.

Speaker 2 You would think the penis at all. It's the top.
It's the top level.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Wow.
Nirvana. It's not Nirvana.
No, that's not Nirvana. Okay.
It's the all-polar opposite of Nirvana. Oh, it's a hell.
Yeah, it's hell.

Speaker 2 Yeah. How are you feeling, man? I'm not even kidding.
Are you guys seeing any black specks right now? I do. I've always seen black specks on my penis.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So let's regroup.
Yeah. I'm being real.
Let's start over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's start over.

Speaker 2 So let's

Speaker 2 get it. It never happened.
Watch this. Watch this.
Okay, okay. Watch this.
Watch this shit. Right, you want to watch some shit? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hold on.

Speaker 2 Just let me do it. Okay, okay, stay with me.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Try smiling. It's hard.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Look at me.

Speaker 2 Oh, great.

Speaker 2 Welcome to another episode of Bad Friends. I'm Bobby Andrews out of town.

Speaker 2 So we have my brother filling in. Thanks, Randy.
And we got Jeremiah Watkins. They have a new podcast called Scissor Brothers.
Yeah. Yeah.
How's that experience going? It's going pretty good.

Speaker 2 Every week we come up with new challenges.

Speaker 2 What else, Jeremiah? We do a lot of music together. We do musical things.
Oh, we have a lot of fan mail.

Speaker 2 How did that come about, Scissor Brothers?

Speaker 2 Well, the name comes from, Steve, you're sweating a lot.

Speaker 2 The name comes from Steve and I started trimming each other's pews years ago at Jeremiah one Jeremiah one and then someone said scissor bros and then somebody said that we're scissors brothers so it just it just stuck it just stuck um and we had the same pair of scissors we found out at our both of our homes yeah but initially when you guys started

Speaker 2 how did it start well the show is called good friends for the first episode it was like april fourth so i was wondering it was a joke yeah yeah but i was wondering where that came from

Speaker 2 well

Speaker 2 so it was a play on bad friends it was yeah. It was a play on Bad Friends, and uh, we did like a, you know, but it was a one-off, it was a one-off-off, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You guys give up?

Speaker 2 Santoki,

Speaker 2 listen to me,

Speaker 2 son, toki toki, ya, od,

Speaker 2 come, chin, come, chi, you know the song,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 it's an old Korean

Speaker 2 Korean song, it's a it's an old Korean song that my mom used to sing to us to go to bed.

Speaker 2 How about this one? Okay.

Speaker 2 Nahonja.

Speaker 2 No, that's not it. Okay.

Speaker 2 Ahi.

Speaker 2 Adrian.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know the rest, do you? No. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to join in so badly. I know you do.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 So, um.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you see Motal Kombat? Yeah, I did. Oh, no, no.
That's out? I saw it. Yeah, it's on HBO.
Okay. Yeah.
So how was it? Was it pretty good? Some people hate it, but I thought it was fun.

Speaker 2 You know, I thought it was fun. I thought it was better than the 95.
I thought it was way better. Way better.

Speaker 2 And the first 10 minutes of it was really.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm so sorry. I thought it'd be good, you know, like fun.
It would mix things up with bad friends because you guys don't do challenges. I thought it'd be a good idea.
Back me up.

Speaker 2 What do you think?

Speaker 2 I thought it was gonna be a good idea too yeah i thought it'd be a good idea dude you're crying i'm because anger it's not a sadness i promise you it's out of furious i'm furious are you really upset yeah i'm really upset how do we make it up i'm sorry there's no way to make it up wait there's no way to make it up no can we still go to dinner after this no absolutely not that's out why not come on listen listen you don't you don't look up right if i die well i could die too yeah but what if i died what if i died what if i died and you didn't die?

Speaker 2 No, I would die. What if I died? I just had a son.
That would be terrible. That would be terrible.
But, you know what I mean? That would be awful.

Speaker 2 But I'm just saying that what if you guys lived and I died from this stupid fucking prank thing that you did? How would you feel? I'd feel horrible. We'd feel like a bad friend.

Speaker 2 I would kill myself, probably.

Speaker 2 Don't say that. No, if you died because of a tiger bombing.
How funny would that be?

Speaker 2 If I died and then you killed yourself, how funny would that be?

Speaker 2 And then mom gets the call.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Ring, ring.
I'm sorry. Hello, Mrs.
Lee. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Are you the mother of

Speaker 2 Bobby and Stephen Lee? Oh, yes. Are they okay?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, ma'am. I have to tell you.
They both passed away.

Speaker 2 What happened?

Speaker 2 No, she didn't. No.
Oh. That's not what you would hear.
Oh. This is what you'd hear.
The phone drop.

Speaker 2 That's what you'd hear. Oh, God.
Yeah. Because of my dumb idea.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right. Then she picks up.

Speaker 2 What happened?

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 your brother, Steve, is that Steve, your youngest son? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 He, you know, they do podcasts. I know they do podcasts.
Right.

Speaker 2 He brought over a tiger bomb.

Speaker 2 What's tiger bomb? She knows what it is. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, tiger bomb? Yeah. And my and Steve told your brother to stick it on his testicles.

Speaker 2 Keep going. His penis.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And inside his anus.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 Of course. Yeah.
Because that's the question. Why? Why?

Speaker 2 You know what his response would be? What?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 That's what the police officer's response would be. All right, you guys.
I don't don't know. And then let's wipe it off, guys.

Speaker 2 Stop. No, I'm not wiping it out.
Okay. I'd rather die.

Speaker 2 I'd rather die to teach you a lesson. No.
Yeah, I'd rather die to teach you. I don't want that to happen.
Yeah, yeah. So let me know.
Let's get some disinformation over here.

Speaker 2 Let me say something right now. And then what happens? And then we feel

Speaker 2 like Steve. Oh, he felt so guilty because

Speaker 2 Bobby died from the poisoning. It poisoned his body.
Poison all the way. And Steve

Speaker 2 shot himself in the face with a shotgun. Yeah, let's see.
And then you guys say the joke.

Speaker 2 And then what would mom do? Oh, she would be devastating. She would kill herself.
Devastating. And there goes our family.
Okay, you guys, the joke's over. Let's, you guys want to wipe yours off?

Speaker 2 No, I refuse. You're keeping it out for the rest of the podcast.
Teach you a lesson. Can we still go out to eat after this? Maybe.
Okay. I'm hungry.

Speaker 2 Mom's friends. Tell me about your dreams.

Speaker 2 Steve, tell me about your dreams.

Speaker 2 Dude, your fingers are weird.

Speaker 2 What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 They're like

Speaker 2 clubbing. What are you talking about? Really? Yeah, your fingers are clubbing.
Like what? Like a caveman?

Speaker 2 No, no, no. No, no, no.
Let's talk about

Speaker 2 this. You know how the nails, you know,

Speaker 2 your arteries and stuff are closing up. So now your nails are like, like how, what's the guitars for the Rolling Stones? Keith Richards.
You know how his fingers are clubbing. My fingers are clubbing?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. How do you, could you tell? Let me look at your fingernails.
Yeah, look at your index. This one right here.

Speaker 2 Mine are clubbing as well.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 they start curling. That's what you, how you know, your arteries are like clogging up and getting tight.
So it's

Speaker 2 like stroke is.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now, do you do you think about that? Because it's like.

Speaker 2 I'm on blood pressure medication. You are? Oh, blood thinners? No, blood pressure medication.
Oh, my. What? So I don't want to get a stroke.

Speaker 2 Dad got a stroke. You know what my brother and I did?

Speaker 2 Our grandmother, we went to Korea. Our grandmother was paralyzed from the neck down.

Speaker 2 And we ever tell you the story? No.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 one day my dad walks in, and my grandmother never left one room for like 25 years. She just sat against this wall, smiling.
Oh, the bee stingers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So she's just, they're smiling.

Speaker 2 And one day she's just sitting there smiling, and my dad looked at her body, and there's all these welts on her body. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she goes, he dad comes to us and goes, what? How come grandma? She got all these things on her body. Right.

Speaker 2 And my brother and I go, we don't know.

Speaker 2 Right. And then the next day, my dad walks into the room and he catches my brother and I taking these sticks and just

Speaker 2 I don't remember that. Yeah, yeah.
Really? Yeah. You're just hitting your head.
Because she can't feel anything. So what's the harm? I don't remember that.
And she's just standing there like this.

Speaker 2 Because I think she was just happy that we were paying her anything. Did you use her as a human being? I don't think we did that.
I don't remember that. Yeah, we did.

Speaker 2 I remember her getting stung by bee stingers. How? They would give her these.

Speaker 2 No, we hit her with sticks at one time. No, I remember bee stingers of us like.

Speaker 2 Maybe both can be true. I don't remember hitting her with the sticks.

Speaker 2 I think I would have remembered that.

Speaker 2 I think you blocked it out of your mind. What? Yeah.
We must. I think there's a lot of things that you blocked out of your mind.
Oh, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
I don't remember hitting her.

Speaker 2 I've explained to them.

Speaker 2 I explained to

Speaker 2 these people on my podcast about the fight that you saw me. Who did I fight when we were kids? Oh,

Speaker 2 Derek.

Speaker 2 We talked about it. Yeah, we talked about it.
We did. Yeah, but can I hear your point of view of what happened?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. It was the whole talk of the town.
All the kids knew.

Speaker 2 He beat your ass.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But where did he beat me at my ass?

Speaker 2 It was like this grassy knoll, an open lot. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, attached to Martin Coyt. Yeah.
More towards the hill. Yeah, yeah.
And dude, the whole school was there. Yeah.
The whole school created. Straight out of the movies? The whole school.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they created the whole circle.

Speaker 2 It was like a scene in a movie. A scene in a movie.
And he was just beating you that, boom, beating you down, beating you down.

Speaker 2 Sorry. I don't know.

Speaker 2 My mom had to save him.

Speaker 2 Your mom

Speaker 2 drive by to save me. She just happened to be driving by, and then she saw her son just getting beat the crap.
Yeah. And were you ashamed that day? Yeah, but you know what?

Speaker 2 I don't want to demoralize you.

Speaker 2 We've talked about this.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about a positive. When I was in seventh or eighth grade, I was going to say.
There we go. Let's talk about

Speaker 2 you. There's a positive story about you.

Speaker 2 I kind of talked about it in passing on King of the Sting. But I want to be more in-depth.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a good time.
Yeah, they did. I'm going back into like a week and a half.

Speaker 2 They betrayed you, and then they brought you back in? Yeah, they brought me back in. Yeah.
Yeah. But anyway, so I'm not sure.

Speaker 2 Can we talk about King of the Sting real quick? Yeah, we can. Yep.

Speaker 2 So when we played the prank here

Speaker 2 where I called Nick, right, the producer, by saying that.

Speaker 2 I didn't cry, though. I didn't cry.
What do you mean? Because you said that I cried.

Speaker 2 I didn't cry. And it opened up this whole thing where people were messaging people.
People were messaging. You were like, hey, you're a pussy.
You cried. Yeah.
A lot of people were

Speaker 2 a lot of trolls came after Steve for crying. A lot of people.
Did you cry? No.

Speaker 2 You didn't? No. Ask my.
You could ask my. I made that up.
Yeah. You fabricate.

Speaker 2 You takes a lot. And now you say sorry.
Yeah. You didn't know whole.
I'm sorry. I don't think you know the power of your word.
If you say something, words are very powerful. If you just say something.

Speaker 2 My words are very powerful. Very powerful.
Can I say this, though? At the time, right, when you're telling me that you're not. I know you were glamorizing the.
I know. I don't glamorize.

Speaker 2 I know, but you were kind of

Speaker 2 sprinkling. No, you were sprinkling it all.
You cried.

Speaker 2 I didn't cry, though, at all. I was upset.
Yeah, but when I called Nick, right? Yeah. Because the whole thing, is that when I say he cried? Because when I called Nick? Yes.
Right. So just listen.

Speaker 2 So when I'm calling Nick on a prank, right? Obviously, you're going to exaggerate it. Right.

Speaker 2 I was thinking about adding other things. You know what I mean? Right.
And he, like, he almost hung himself into the closet. Yeah.
You know what I mean? But those details come back to me.

Speaker 2 Right. And that's, I just learned a new lesson.
I'm telling you. So what did people say?

Speaker 2 What are you, a pussy? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But crying is a, it's a natural human emotion. But these guys are like trolls.
They're like, oh, you can't, you fucking cried, you pussy. Blah, blah, blah.
What the hell you cry for?

Speaker 2 Stand up for yourself. You know what I mean? Like all that stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Day after day.
Day after day after day. You exaggerate, dude.
Like, because you said that.

Speaker 2 Because you said Santino got... A lawyer.
He was thinking about getting a lawyer to sue Steve and I for the Good Friends April Fools. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He had a bunch of trolls hitting him up thinking that was real because you exaggerated. It's chaos.
Yeah, it's chaos. You love it.
You feel me? I think you do. A part of you like you thrive.
I don't.

Speaker 2 It makes me feel like shit.

Speaker 2 It makes me feel like shit.

Speaker 2 Do you really?

Speaker 2 Is that an act? No, it's not an act. Let me say something right now, okay? Because your words matter.

Speaker 2 I understand.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay, okay. But I'm going to tell you that it makes me feel shame.

Speaker 2 Just put that down. Okay, sorry.
It makes me feel shame.

Speaker 2 It makes me feel bad.

Speaker 2 I know there's these

Speaker 2 consequences that happen that

Speaker 2 aren't in the forefront of my mind when I'm doing these mischievous, you know what I mean? Verbal assaults

Speaker 2 on my friends. No, that's my friends.
And my family, right?

Speaker 2 Will I stop? No.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's fine. Look at me right now.
That's fine. Look at me right now.
Yeah. I will not stop.
Okay, that's fine. Okay.
Can I go back to my story when I felt proud of you? I'd love to. Okay.

Speaker 2 So we're at the Powe High School gym, and he was wrestling another asian kid from mona vista the story i remember that match and so this kid was his nemesis he was good i think his name was pineapple or something he was from he was a he was from monte vista there's an asian kid from pineapple we used to no we were racist

Speaker 2 we were racist he looked he was filipino and he mustache and

Speaker 2 he was an asian versus asian right but you called him pineapple no that was that was the nickname that the whole team called him that yeah i think he came from you though That's called the camera.

Speaker 2 I don't think that's a good thing. They call him pineapple everyone's calling me.
Do you want to know what his words again?

Speaker 2 I'm putting my foot down.

Speaker 2 It didn't come from me, ladies and gentlemen. Again, he's exaggerating.
Shame you fabricated. Why would anyone shame you on a comment?

Speaker 2 It wasn't the story. Let's stick with the positivity.
I want to get to where I felt proud of you. Okay.
Okay. Just let him say he's proud.

Speaker 2 It went to overtime.

Speaker 2 Against

Speaker 2 this

Speaker 2 kid from Monte Vista. This Filipino kid from Monte Vista, who was good, by the way.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 they both get back into the middle of the circle. And this other kid, it was like the scene from, you know, Karate Kid One, you know, Daniel versus Johnny.
This kid did like a whole

Speaker 2 Bruce Lee

Speaker 2 like pose.

Speaker 2 And it was like the ending of that scene. And you know what? My brother did? He blew him a kiss.

Speaker 2 He went like this. He went.

Speaker 2 And then the whistle blew. My brother went down for a double and freaking slammed him.

Speaker 2 He slammed him.

Speaker 2 He won in overtime. And I was on, as a kid, on the side of the mat, just like so freaking proud.
Like,

Speaker 2 what the fuck? Yeah. You know what Coach Bran Sitter said? What? He didn't say anything.
He did one of those things in movies. Like, what do you mean? Where I looked at him from.

Speaker 2 Do you remember that man? I do. I looked at him afar from the gym.
He looked at me, and guess what he did? He went

Speaker 2 Right? He did like a nod.

Speaker 2 Dude, that was

Speaker 2 and it made me go,

Speaker 2 he likes me. You know, I remember that feeling.

Speaker 2 Can I just say. Because the Jay Leno thing was cool.
You booking Mad TV was awesome. But for me, as a younger brother, I felt the most proudest at that moment.

Speaker 2 No, because it was like a movie to me. I was like, it was cinematic, man.

Speaker 2 It was literally, this match was literally to the final moment. Can't tell you about

Speaker 2 the final moments to you. Don't talk about state.
I'm not going to. Okay.
I'm not going to. Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 My brother was ranked probably

Speaker 2 two in California, right?

Speaker 2 Of all of California in his weight division. 103.
He would go to like CIF, right?

Speaker 2 Three years in a row. Three years in a row.
You go to the CIA. It's like, you know, like as a kid, you know, they had the tunnel, you know what I mean? With the smoke,

Speaker 2 and they would call my brother's name down. And my brother would run through this tunnel as if it's like the WWF or whatever.
And my brother would do moves on the mat that

Speaker 2 was inspiring to me. Like one time that guy stood up.
My brother had, it was on the bridge. Yeah, that was a joking.
He stood up from my brother.

Speaker 2 You know, my brother put his right hand right over his, under his shoulder and took his neck and snapped him back from standing position. Right?

Speaker 2 And the whole audience went,

Speaker 2 right? You're right. And he would do that every year.
And he was supposed to win state. Okay, I didn't like it.
I don't know where you're going right now. I don't like that.
I know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't like Sidney. That was beautiful.
You were right, number two.

Speaker 2 And everyone, when my brother, you know what I mean? I'm not going to go into state, but I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 Just do it.

Speaker 2 Do it. If you do it, do it all the way.
If you do it,

Speaker 2 go all the way. I'll do it all the way.
So my brother was like

Speaker 2 in the newspaper. People would write articles.

Speaker 2 They have a plaque

Speaker 2 in the

Speaker 2 he has a record still, you know what I mean, in the Powey High School wrestling gym. Fastest pin.
Fastest pin. Five seconds.
Yeah. My brother was like, he's going to win the whole thing.
Right.

Speaker 2 Because everyone at state was guys he just manhandled. Right.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 I drove, it was in Stockton. so I'm from San Diego.
I drove and I. I drove all the way there.
Yeah, and my mom.

Speaker 2 Not later. After the story.
After the story.

Speaker 2 I don't know if I want to hug you after the story, actually. Okay.
I'll hug it out. Let's hug it.

Speaker 2 Hug it out, baby. I love you so much.

Speaker 2 Thanks for driving. I'll get paid for this.
Hey,

Speaker 2 I drove like nine hours

Speaker 2 up there. No hotel, just nine hours.

Speaker 2 And I sat in my seat, my brother's first match.

Speaker 2 And as soon as I saw my brother walk under the mat, I almost got back in my fucking car and drove back. You knew.
I knew. There was fear in his eyes.

Speaker 2 I've never seen, you know what I mean, fear manifest in a body. That's what my alcohol.
It was like this. It was like this.
It was like this.

Speaker 2 Frozen. Frozen.
Here's a guy

Speaker 2 in every other tournament would just, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Just eye people, right? What's up? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 his face was like,

Speaker 2 you know, like a statue. No, like in aliens.
You remember when that little creature comes on the face? It was as if they took the creature off, right?

Speaker 2 And he was on the mat, blood squirting out of his face. Do you even know the depression that I went through after that? I know.
I'm kept. I went deep into depression.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Suicidal.

Speaker 2 You know, I feel bad because I should be more supportive. Oh, thank you.
Thank you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're right. Yeah.
I should be more supportive. That was a good idea.
You know, I learned a lesson, though. I learned a lesson.
What's the lesson?

Speaker 2 You can't let fear

Speaker 2 dictate your life

Speaker 2 and the way you navigate through life.

Speaker 2 Because to be honest with you, I was my worst enemy.

Speaker 2 You know, so like, because I thought of it, I've replayed that event in my life. Why do you think about that thing? No, because you learn lessons from it.
What is it? Okay, so.

Speaker 2 The lesson is: let's say if I tried my very best and wasn't fearful and I lost, I would be okay with that. It's because

Speaker 2 the fear set in and I wasn't at my best. That's where I have the problem.
Does that make sense? Yeah, I had a similar thing happen.

Speaker 2 Yeah, go ahead, Jeremiah. Spelling bee.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 I went to this real. This is real.
This is real. Okay.
I went to regionals.

Speaker 2 Did you really? Yes.

Speaker 2 I was going to go to nationals.

Speaker 2 I had learned every single word in fifth grade. Wow.

Speaker 2 I killed it at state, went to Texas. I'm from Kansas.

Speaker 2 So I went from Kansas to Texas, and then the next step was nationals. Wow.
Did you have the little number thing? Yes. I love that.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 fear, I knew the word. I knew the word and it's the, it's the, the, the, the first and last time I got legit stage fright.

Speaker 2 I spelled the word wrong and I knew that I was doing it wrong because I was fear, because I wanted out of it. You were so scared.
Yeah. Were you purposely said it wrong because of the fear? I think.

Speaker 2 Or because the fear said in, you couldn't think straight. You knew it.
I knew it.

Speaker 2 It was an easy word. It was when we were getting lullaby.
Lullaby? Lullaby. Yeah.
Do you know how hard I kicked myself after? I still can't spell that one.

Speaker 2 Let me try lullaby. Okay.
I'll try it too. L-U-L-L.

Speaker 2 L-U-L-L.

Speaker 2 A-B-Y?

Speaker 2 Yes. That's it.
That's it. That's it.
Yeah, that's it. That's a lullaby? Yep.
You couldn't spell that? I spelled it L-U-L. Yeah.
And then I went. You froze, too.
A-B-Y.

Speaker 2 And then go, I'm sorry. And I knew I was spelling it wrong.
Oh, my God. Were your parents in the audience? Yes.
My mom had flown to Texas with me.

Speaker 2 She's probably.

Speaker 2 Imagine the shame in the audience. I mean, all these kids around me were

Speaker 2 nailing

Speaker 2 really hard words. And I was like, okay, I know that one.
I know that one.

Speaker 2 That was meant to be, though, because we're scissor brothers now.

Speaker 2 We both went through a similar kind. Dude, I feel close to you, dude.
From the ashes, we rode. Yeah,

Speaker 2 we share that in the middle of the day. Right.
One. One, two.
Come on, Bob. Three, four,

Speaker 2 five. I don't don't know what this is.
I've never done this.

Speaker 2 And what's it? Eight. A hundred.
Nine. No, we're not doing.
I'm not doing it. I'm not doing a hundred.

Speaker 2 It's something that we do to clench power. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So that's interesting.

Speaker 2 You know, I've had a lot of.

Speaker 2 But you've, have you dealt with that? Oh, I didn't tell. Fear.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you.

Speaker 2 Tell me a story. So three years ago,

Speaker 2 I don't care because Amy Poehler is producing this pilot.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, you know, I'm going to fucking get it. You know, so I memorized it from backwards and forwards.
And I go, I'm sitting in the, now I'm at, I don't know, NBC, what I'm sitting there.

Speaker 2 And I don't even have the script in my hand. I just have it like this because I know it.
You know what I mean? It's memorized.

Speaker 2 And I'm also so cocky about it. I'm like sitting in my chair like this.

Speaker 2 Other actors walk in.

Speaker 2 I know I'm going to get it. You're going to get it.
You're going to get it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then the lady goes, are you ready? yeah I'm ready about time

Speaker 2 I walk in

Speaker 2 and I didn't know that she was gonna be there Amy Puller's there

Speaker 2 right she's sitting there and like in my head I'm like all right let's start let's start let's start I have it right then she does this Bobby

Speaker 2 I go hey

Speaker 2 she goes she introduces me everyone in the room

Speaker 2 And as that, during that process, I'm like,

Speaker 2 it's all now gone. I don't know the first word.
Oh, no. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So then I start the audition. As soon as they see the first word, I go, and I go right into the page.
And I literally put the fucking page in front of my face and I just read it like that.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Right? And I'm like, also, the page is doing this.
Let's suppose this is the script. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is what they see.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Because I'm so scared. Right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I go, thank you. And I tried to justify it.
And I go like this. I go, I should have memorized it.
Sorry. I just cold read it.
Just to justify it. And she goes,

Speaker 2 out loud. She did that.
Yes. I swear to God.

Speaker 2 I walked in the hallway and I had this big long bottle of smart water. Oh, you hit it.
I hit my head over the head. Yeah, I remember that.
Yeah, 50 times. I remember what you did after.
You went in.

Speaker 2 And I was bleeding down my face. He was hitting himself.
Punishing myself.

Speaker 2 Before you even left the lot? No, in your car, right? In my car. Yeah.
I'm driving and just banging myself. When I got home, my face was bleeding because she's like, what happened?

Speaker 2 Get in a car accident? I just audition. Oh.

Speaker 2 Just an audition. You walked in? I booked it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. But like, you know, I've had so many of those experiences where I would audition for something.
Okay. And I would go close? No.
Okay. Just a disaster.

Speaker 2 And I would be in my car crying in shame.

Speaker 2 Over an an audition yeah yeah i've had those too and and and no i learned right now it's different that was years ago maybe five years ago now it's completely different i'm you know i don't give a fuck now because i um

Speaker 2 you know i have tiger belly and i have this you know i mean and this you know and then for some reason now it all that kind of stuff i needed money right that's what it is i always there's a time where it's like Well, if you're desperate, it comes through always.

Speaker 2 Right, right. I'm like, I need to book something so I can get my career going, right?

Speaker 2 And there were years where I wasn't. And so then I was like, I would punish myself.

Speaker 2 And then one day I just went, you know what, I'm just going to do my own thing, which is Bad Friends and Tiger Belly and podcasting and stand-up and that other kind of stuff that I have control over.

Speaker 2 And then the other stuff just came along with that. Right.
But

Speaker 2 yeah, I know what that shame is like. Yeah, I heard.
And I think because, but the reason why you beat yourself up over state is because of the trauma that you felt growing up in our house. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And, you know, you have to deal with that trauma. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, when

Speaker 2 dad beat you with that little Casio keyboard completely naked, my dad had a brother had a friend over. Was it really? It was Derek's.
Oh, yeah, the guy that beat me up's brother.

Speaker 2 Was it really a Casio like that one? Yeah, but with a little one. It was the first sampling keyboard, like the Freddy Krueger one.
You could go, hey, hey, hey, hey. You know? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like a second of sampling time. Yeah, and then my brother was playing it to him.
him. My dad was taking a nap.
During the daytime. During the daytime.
During this time, yeah. And

Speaker 2 my dad came in, yeah, shikara.

Speaker 2 That's like, shut up.

Speaker 2 But butt naked. Completely naked.
And what he had in his ass? Tiger bump? No, tissue paper. Tissue paper.
Like a string, like dental floss? Like he had a fucking tampon in his ass hole.

Speaker 2 He had to take it out of his butthole, yeah. Scared the shit out of me.
Yeah, but that's the only thing I really. He looked like a Korean kite.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? So he comes in and he goes, Shikara. He takes a casio key.
He rips the keyboard out of the socket. Right.
And like a sledgehammer. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And keep in mind, we're on our stomachs just playing with this thing. And they're eight.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And he just beats me like a hammer.
Like, boom, boom. Imagine your friend, his friend.
Oh, he never came over again. He never came over again.

Speaker 2 Never came over again. That's it.
Yeah. My dad did that with Street Fighter 2 on Super Nintendo.

Speaker 2 My brother and I, he didn't beat us, but he took it to his workbench. Yeah.

Speaker 2 you boys are going to fight. He took a sledgehammer.
Yeah. Ah, fight over this.
Oh, my God. Broke it to pieces.
Brand new video game. Ah, no.
Why? Why? Christmas gift gone. Did he buy another one? No.

Speaker 2 He one time hid our 007 golden eye as a punishment because we were fighting over it again. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then he forgot where he hid it. And you never saw it again? Uh-uh.

Speaker 2 What if it's still there somewhere like behind a wall?

Speaker 2 In the house. In the house, it might be.
Wait, do they still still live in the same house? What?

Speaker 2 My dad and my

Speaker 2 brother and my mom, or what? No, where he hit that golden eye. Oh, no, we don't know.
We don't live in that house. That's like a childhood.
What was that a difficult question? I don't know. Dude,

Speaker 2 my butthole is so good. I know.

Speaker 2 I'd say that we're doing okay with that thing. We've been doing okay.
Yeah, I still don't know. Do you guys still feel it though? I didn't want to.
Yeah. I didn't feel like I wasn't.

Speaker 2 You guys still feel like if there's it's more of a like um it's a weird cool

Speaker 2 it's like like a like little ice cube in my butthole.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's cooling off. It feels still feels like a little ice cube in my butthole.
Does it burn at all? A little bit, yeah. I think I have blood in my shorts.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But it's weird when you experience it.

Speaker 2 Now, would you not? Let me ask yourself this, though, because you have Wilder now, your kid.

Speaker 2 Are you going to do that shit with him?

Speaker 2 No, you're a great dad. You're not going to do any of that.
Are you sure, though? Well, no, you're not. You just, wait, me, because they drive you so crazy that you just resort to certain things.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think you can. I think I'll go more the disappointment route.
Yeah, or timeout, the timeout route. Yeah.
Where I'm aware of timeout works.

Speaker 2 Oh, if because when your parents get disappointed with you, that's longer lasting than

Speaker 2 rage and everything like that. Yeah, because rage and stuff like that, it lingers within the kid too, right? And it just kind of manifests itself in weird ways as an adult.

Speaker 2 Maybe that's why you're not going to have kids, huh?

Speaker 2 I want it. Do you? Yeah, but dude, it's like

Speaker 2 what?

Speaker 2 Time. What do you mean, time? We're getting older.
I could still have it. Look at Steve Martin.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he had kids at like 70. How old was he? At 70.
At 70. Oh, okay.
You're good. But now you see him, like, you know what I mean? He was a six-year-old kid.
Do you want it?

Speaker 2 He's in a walker and he's at the park. Do you want it?

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 look at

Speaker 2 the age.

Speaker 2 What age!

Speaker 2 What age! Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
But, you know,

Speaker 2 I know, but this is a good age.

Speaker 2 It's a great age.

Speaker 2 I'm in it.

Speaker 2 A good age. Are you guys going to do it? Yeah.
Yeah, I want to.

Speaker 2 But here's the deal.

Speaker 2 You know, Kalila's dad was 60 when

Speaker 2 he had her. So I just feel like, but if I'm going to do it, I have to do it now.

Speaker 2 You should do it now. Yeah, I want to do it now.
I want to be like, because when I'm 70, my kid will be 20. He'll be out of the house.
And then maybe I can. Do you still have sperm?

Speaker 2 Do you have like healthy.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 do you still have sperm, Bobby? It's like not dust, like dust bubbles.

Speaker 2 Like a library book?

Speaker 2 First of all.

Speaker 2 First of all, if I had a like a do you have like Smithsonian calm? No.

Speaker 2 If I looked at my calm and it was Dust Bubble, I don't even know what that is, by the way. Like sand or something.
Yeah, yeah. If it was, it was, if there was sand.
Grainy.

Speaker 2 Grainy in my calm, I would go to the hospital. Do you still masturbate? Yes, I do, you fuck.

Speaker 2 My shit works. It works good.
It's a machine. Like, you could still get it.

Speaker 2 You could still get it right. Yeah, dude, I'm not fucking.
No, I know. I haven't talked to you in a long time.
Yeah, my dick works. I know, but you could get heart and everything.
Instantly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was just wondering. So you do.
Well, you're only three years younger. I know.
Do you have dust bubbles in your dick? Oh, no, it's working great.

Speaker 2 Like real good, right? Oh, yeah. It's beautiful.
Yeah, it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 Yeah, me too. Yeah.
You feel have the same sexual desire? Oh, yeah. Me too.
Weird. Do you still use toys and stuff? Like.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Well, you know, the Pringles thing? You know, they call us the Pringle Boys.

Speaker 2 Well, it's a a little hard when you're. But you can make a homemade.
I know, I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's hard when you are living with, you know what I mean, a kid.

Speaker 2 You know, I have a high schooler in my house. Yeah, Broody.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I don't want a fleshlight laying around in the living room. Yeah.
You know what I mean? So you just. Old school?

Speaker 2 And also when I masturbate, I can't just masturbate in the bed, you know what I mean, next to Kalila. That's weird.
Right? I've never done it. I've never done the watch porn masturbate.

Speaker 2 You can't do that. So what do you have to go downstairs? No, I have to do it either,

Speaker 2 well, sometimes I do it in the garage, you do. I have done it like where Tiger Belly's filmed, yeah.
Oh, where the one there, where the video game is.

Speaker 2 So, I'll be playing Warzone, and she thinks you're gaming, not in the guest seat or anything, right?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, not in the guest seat, that's rude. No, I'll be gaming, and then I'll just go, and I just because you know, I have to quit at a certain time,

Speaker 2 so I go, it's getting almost 1:30. I gotta stop.

Speaker 2 Maybe I'll just masturbate real quick, you know, and I'll just do it. What do you go ahead? Spank bank? What do you mean? Spank bank or do you look at something?

Speaker 2 I look.

Speaker 2 Oh, you just want to enter this vault. What do you look at? What are you watching? I look.

Speaker 2 What do you look at, though, Bobby? I want to know what you're watching. I'm not, like, I'm not doing because I don't want to, I don't want to.

Speaker 2 I used to spend so much money on buying memberships. See, I always question that.
It's for free.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. oh, you're specific.
No, it's not about specific. Sorry, sorry.
It's about, you know, the free ones are like four-minute videos. Sometimes they don't do it.
10 minutes, 15 minutes.

Speaker 2 Sometimes, right? But it's not high-definition. Yeah.
You know what I mean? I like all that stuff. Okay.
I like new, you know?

Speaker 2 No, but what else? Do you like topical porn?

Speaker 2 No, I like relevant porn. What do you mean by relevant? I think it's like.
Just like.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Keep.
Keep going. No, I just like ones that are like, you know.

Speaker 2 Well, I...

Speaker 2 Think about it. What do you mean? just think about what you're about to say though i just want you know i want you to

Speaker 2 what are you talking about i just want you to be you know think about it

Speaker 2 i go on hornhub okay that's what you yeah that's it yeah but i go premium

Speaker 2 oh i pay for the premium oh what's the what's the difference you just get a lot more content oh okay and higher definition videos and longer videos

Speaker 2 Far more accessible. Do you get through longer videos, though? Do you know what I mean? Do you keep watching after you complete? And does it take it longer for you?

Speaker 2 I've noticed it takes longer for me. Oh, no.

Speaker 2 You're like, boom. No, I get into manic obsession.
Really? Yeah,

Speaker 2 I know how to focus my attention because I play a game called Match 3D.

Speaker 2 What? There's a game called Match 3D where

Speaker 2 you have to put symbols inside a little thing as fast as you can. And if you don't focus, especially on your phone, because on your iPad it's easier, but on your phone, you have to really look.

Speaker 2 And I use that technology and that system when I watch porn. Oh, my.
I focus into the pussy. Oh, so your mind just goes right in.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, nothing, you know, sometimes you'll be watching porn and you'll hear a noise. I go, is that a ghost? Or, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Or you'll start thinking about other things. That's the only two options.
Whatever. You know what I mean? Or is that my girlfriend? Maybe that would be right.

Speaker 2 Or you think about, what do I have to do tomorrow? I know how to laser focus into the situation. Do you know how to do that?

Speaker 2 It takes me like an hour. I'm the opposite.
To finish? Oh, it takes me a long. I mean, sometimes hours.

Speaker 2 Hours. Just to finish one load.
Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah, but I have.
One hour?

Speaker 2 Longer sometimes. What? A two-hour.
Oh, you just lay that. Three.
Are you jerking off? The three out, baby. The sun will be out, baby.
Are you jerking off the entire time? I take breaks.

Speaker 2 The sun's out, baby. The sun is out.
I understand that. Can I ask you this? Can't you do like two or or three? What are you talking about? I mean, it's like, are you like,

Speaker 2 you know what it is?

Speaker 2 It desensitizes you.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I noticed that I'll get sick of watching one scene and I'm like, oh, this is not doing it. And then I'll cut to another.
You know what I mean? It's just like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's why it takes so long. I mean, I'll be honest with you.
I have gone through.

Speaker 2 Five or six videos. Maybe not.

Speaker 2 Mine's hundreds. Yeah, but tons.
Do you need help then? What are you talking about? If you have to look at hundreds of videos, not hundreds, maybe 50. Is that normal?

Speaker 2 Terrible. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to have your back up. Yeah, that's 50 is hard.
I have your back up. Yeah, it's normal.
50 is difficult. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Maybe you should just take a break.

Speaker 2 You know what?

Speaker 2 That's healthy.

Speaker 2 Are you worried about me?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what I'm worried about. I'll tell you what I'm worried about.
And this is real time. We were just talking about real time.
This is not comedy, but

Speaker 2 what I'm worried about is, is,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 one night

Speaker 2 we were all

Speaker 2 waiting for you for Warzone.

Speaker 2 And we're trying to contact you.

Speaker 2 And Dylan and I, and you weren't around, so we went in. You thought the worst.
No, you didn't think that you died? Okay.

Speaker 2 I thought you guys thought something happened. No, and then you said, I just woke up.
And it was like 12.30 at night. Oh, I'm improving, though, because since the Scissor Bros, Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. But I'm just saying that worries me that you're waking up at 12.30.
My sleeping schedule. And I'm not blaming.
I'm not saying you're partly to blame. But as a kid,

Speaker 2 but as a kid, I'm not deflecting. I'm just kind of

Speaker 2 doing it. Let's go down the timeline.
Let's go down the timeline. I remember when we were kids, before he started stand-up, he'd be like.

Speaker 2 Not, you know, come in my room. Hey, you know, Martin Lawrence, stand-up.
He's the button, you know, or like he would talk about stand-up specials.

Speaker 2 Hey, stay up with me and watch this thing and so i remember i'm not blaming you but i'm just giving you it sounds like you're blaming me no no no i'm just giving you a timeline give me the time to call and so i just remember like oh okay

Speaker 2 i'll i'll stay up i'll stay up you know like hollywood shuffle all these great like movies or comedy specials yeah yeah i make them stay up until midnight No, no, longer than that.

Speaker 2 Like this is like VHS days and everything. And I just remember back then, I'm like, all right, I'll stay up.
And then it's, I just remember it started back then.

Speaker 2 It's progressively got worse. And And then I have a...
It's not my fault. It's not my fault.
I have myself to blame, right? It's everything. He's been waking up earlier, though.

Speaker 2 We've been doing the podcast way earlier. Beach it, brother.
Yeah. Keep going.
He's on time

Speaker 2 every time. Shows up early.
Yeah. When do you shoot, though? 7 p.m.
Oh, you do? Yeah. Keep going.
Keep going.

Speaker 2 He shows up with ideas.

Speaker 2 He thinks about stuff all week. He comes up with every challenge that we do from week to week.
Oh, wow, wow. Yeah.
Every week.

Speaker 2 We shoot extra content at least once or twice a week outside of when we record the podcast. Ad reads.
Talk about the ad reads. We do very unique ad reads.
Okay. Where we dress up.

Speaker 2 I'm always early. That's

Speaker 2 what I'm worried about is this, though. It's,

Speaker 2 you know, I just feel like,

Speaker 2 you know, I just want you to be in a relationship. Keep in mind, I went through a breakup.
It's only been five, six months, right?

Speaker 2 Give me that.

Speaker 2 Let me go through my thing. You know what I mean? Let me go through it a little bit.

Speaker 2 Okay. Because you didn't use that, you know, because let's talk about real time.
Things have happened.

Speaker 2 And I have been in a dark spot, but yeah, we're, we're, I'm crawling out of it, right, Jeremy? I'm crawling out. Yeah, he's been dating some people and stuff.

Speaker 2 We're trying to make. He doesn't have a car.
I know. Well, we're working on it.
We're working on that. We're working on it.
Okay. You get a car license.

Speaker 2 You get vaccinated. There's certain things that he just doesn't.
He's sort of like off the

Speaker 2 off the grid. I know.
I understand. I'm your concerns.
I'm there to help him with that. Yeah, it's been great.
We've been doing positive things. Let's just keep it positive, baby.
Okay, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Contestant number one. Please introduce yourself.
My name is Panjani McGivens, and I'm from Yellowstone Elementary School in

Speaker 2 Lubbock, Texas. And

Speaker 2 that's it. Okay, so

Speaker 2 how do you spell intelligence?

Speaker 2 I I-N-T-E-L

Speaker 2 L

Speaker 2 A G N C E. That was incorrect.
I know it was. Was that correct or incorrect? Incorrect.
I lost. Then go ahead.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Please introduce yourself. Timothy Kramer, Tucson, Arizona.

Speaker 2 Hi, Timothy.

Speaker 2 Hankerchief.

Speaker 2 Can you use it in a sentence, please?

Speaker 2 Yes. I use my handkerchief when I cry to wipe my tears.

Speaker 2 Hankerchief.

Speaker 2 Hankerchief.

Speaker 2 Hanker. Am I saying that correctly? Yes.
Hankerchief.

Speaker 2 H

Speaker 2 A

Speaker 2 N

Speaker 2 K

Speaker 2 E

Speaker 2 R

Speaker 2 C

Speaker 2 H

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 E

Speaker 2 F

Speaker 2 almost handkerchief. Thank you for participating.

Speaker 2 But no, no, incorrect.

Speaker 2 All right. Our last contestant here.
Please introduce yourself. Hi.
My name's Darius Finnegan. You have to stand up.
I couldn't.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you have to stand up.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, no, not that. Let's go.
Let's go. That's good.
Hi, my name's. You're in your wheelchair.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hi, my name's Darius Finnegan. I got a Sacaguille at grade school.
I'm ready for the word. Lagoria.

Speaker 2 Can you repeat the word, please?

Speaker 2 Lagoria.

Speaker 2 Margarita?

Speaker 2 No. Lagoria.

Speaker 2 One more time. Lageria.

Speaker 2 Lageria? Yes.

Speaker 2 Could I get the definition of the word, please? A tendency to extreme loquacity.

Speaker 2 Could you use it in a sentence, please? Yes.

Speaker 2 My economist professor, Lagoria, can be frustrating at times.

Speaker 2 I'm kind of having bad flashbacks right now.

Speaker 2 Laguerrea,

Speaker 2 yes

Speaker 2 L

Speaker 2 A

Speaker 2 G

Speaker 2 U

Speaker 2 R

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 L L A Lageria

Speaker 2 Incorrect.

Speaker 2 Imagine all your friends

Speaker 2 will love you till the end

Speaker 2 of time,

Speaker 2 my friends,

Speaker 2 bad friends,

Speaker 2 good friends,

Speaker 2 and all the friends you have in the world.

Speaker 2 Don't say no,

Speaker 2 cause you

Speaker 2 I know that you're a dream. I don't know how to rascas.
Okay. Thanks for tuning in.
Thanks for being a bad friend. There you go.

Speaker 2 We haven't started yet. Oh no.

Speaker 2 We like that though. I love it.

Speaker 2 What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 Richard Ramirez

Speaker 2 is my favorite serial killer. He snuck into your house.

Speaker 2 Rape.

Speaker 2 I don't know. No, that's not too much.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to start with that.

Speaker 2 That's That's too dark. It was too dark.

Speaker 2 Woof.