Immortal Kombat

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Hey, bad friends.

Bob is not on the road right now, but I am.

Go to AndrewSantino.com for dates.

AndrewSantino.com for them tour dates.

I'm going to be in Atlantic City at the end of the month.

Then I go to Houston and Madison and Boston and Nashville. And we're adding dates as we go.
Be on the lookout, but go to andrewsantino.com for tickets. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
You know, the comedy store's opening. They call you? They call.
They send me text messages and phone calls. They're opening up.
I'm not coming back. Next week.
I'm not coming back. Why aren't you? Until after the pandemic, after I come back from Europe.
Right, well, because you want to go to, right, that's why. Well, I haven't written anything.
In a year, I have not written anything. A year? I don't think that.
That was a good one. It was a good joke.
Real good one. It was a good joke.
You're in a bad mood. No, I'm not in a bad mood I can tell it's in your eyes and your cheeks be honest what's going on are you annoyed that we were late did I mention it I'm annoyed that she's yawning so what's going on people couldn't stop asking about Rudy at the show I'm'm literally not making that up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not saying, no, that has nothing to do with what my, I'm not saying I'm in a bad mood.
How many people, you think? We're in the room. Now, how many people were asking about Rudy? If I'm being genuine after the show, I took some questions after the show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 13 people every single show.
What's Rudy going to do? Are you guys going to get Rudy

gone? Who's going to fill in?

Yeah. Everybody asked

and I said it's none of your business. We'll figure it out

how we have to figure it out. It's so funny because today

we had dinner for the first time at a restaurant

and Kalilah met

Which one? Jinya.

Oh, I love Jinya ramen.

No, not ramen. No? Hamburgers.

They have an offshoot hamburger. Oh, they do? Yeah, cheeseburgers.
Delicious. Wow, cool.
Yeah, yeah. They put some umami sauce on it.
Jinya cheeseburgers. Yeah, it's delicious.
Actually, the Thai place by my house is there. No, the ramen place.
The ramen was good. Was it good? Yeah.
But anyway, can I finish my story? Bad mood? Mr. Bad Mood? I'm not in a bad mood.
How am I in a bad mood? I can tell with your eyes. I can tell with your eyes.

What's going on?

You just sleep well?

You know me well.

I know.

What's going on?

I haven't been getting any sleep.

Yeah, you'd look tired and just like on the edge.

I'm having night sweats.

Oh.

And I think it's because

of the vaccine.

I'm being serious.

Night sweats?

Night sweats.

That's nice.

I looked it up.

It's part of it.

Oh.

Night sweats

and one of my testicles

disappears into my body in the middle of the night. It'll go up into my body.
That's happened to me. And I'll have to go, and it'll come out.
That happened to me all my life. It just disappears? It's just gone.
It's never been there. Which one, right or left? Both of them are just tucked inside my fucking dick.
Do you know how they feel like they're on strings? I feel like it just crawls up the string at night and it lets go sometimes. Yeah.
But it feels so strange in my body. How many wrinkles do you have? On my nuts? Yeah.
I mean, my nuts are so wrinkled. I can't count.
How could you? I counted. 362.
362? Yeah. Mine looks like a brain.
It's just like- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a rolls like sea waves.
Yeah. It's sea waves.
Mine's bad. Mine's like- Is your stretchy? I call it dune.
Because there's like a little, do I get sneeze snakes?

You know that little monster?

A little snake comes out?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Too many people asked about you.

That's all I want to say.

It was annoying.

And then everyone was like, tell us what school she's going to go to.

And I said, we're going to reveal it on the show.

Yeah, yeah.

Just wait until we get to, we're going to reveal it.

Do you want to reveal it?

We haven't decided yet. We haven't decided yet.

Anyway, so we were at the restaurant. Can I finish myia story or what yeah thank you bad mood um i'm not in a bad mood i can tell already i love it andres am i in a bad mood absolutely yeah yeah yeah go ahead so um we're at ginia and calella go you know what um juliana that's her real name yeah rudy rudy rudy juliana yeah rudy juliana um you should have a waiting job and i go please oh that'd be cool i'll tell you why i'll tell you why because you have your waited tables dude i've done all right i did bussing i did serving i did hosting i did dishwashing yeah you i did all slammed right yeah for like an eight hour shift i mean you're just you know especially at a busy restaurant you know you get a section right yeah as a waiter yeah and it's like ketchup here tabasco here i got an order coming up here i said no tomato they want their check and you're running around in a circle for eight hours like losing like a mania yeah what the fuck what the fuck you know what i mean and then at the end of hours.
Losing it. Like a mania.
Yeah. What the fuck? What the fuck? You know what I mean? And then at the end of the day, you get $90.
Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe. Maybe, right? This ungrateful little...
I don't. Right? We know.
But you sit here. You yawn.
Yeah, she yawns. Right? You say three things like, I agree to Andrew or whatever.
Yeah. And out of nowhere she'll go the jews then you're like whoa what too far but my point is is that i want her to have a waiting job yeah you need one so that she can just realize how lucky she is lucky she is all right well let's do it right now i'm a customer we my husband and i just sat down to eat yeah why don't you serve you serve us? Yeah.
Hello. Hello.
Hi. Do you have any specials? Yes, we have the apple cider salad.
Oh, you love apple cider salad. Apple cider salad.
I love it. You love apple cider salad.
I used to have it in France. That's your favorite.
Yeah. I love how they pigment the lettuce.
They dip it, right? They dip it in the apple cider. Yeah.
There's an apple cider salad. For like 24 hours.
There it is. Delicious.
Is that a real salad? That's an autumn chopped apple cider salad. Yeah, yeah.
What else? Do you have a salad for her? We have the carnitas. Oh, carnitas.
I love carnitas. What does that come with? Tacos.
Oh, so you get tacos with the carnitas? What kind of taco? So do you get carnitas, just a plate of carnitas? You get two get tacos you get tacos with the carnitas what kind of taco so do you get carnitas just a plate of carnitas you get two things you get tacos and carnitas wow alright how much is that $13 $13 for both things we could share that pretty reasonable actually we could split that so we'll split we'll split the apple cider salad and then we'll also split the carnitas and the tacos. The tacos.
Anything else on the special menu? Do you want drinks? Yeah. What do you have? What do you have to offer? We're not really into – we're a couple, obviously.
Clearly. Yeah.
And her – him – I like gays. What? She said I like gays.
I know, but – And you know what? That's so – we're fine fine with that you're lucky we're fine with that but generally you shouldn't say that if we were a black couple right you couldn't you shouldn't say i love blacks right even if you do and that's fine that you do but you just don't go i like blacks internally you can feel that right to outwardly say that right we're cool with the gay comment though we're fine how can i show that i I like you. Just be nice to us.
We're cool with the gay comment, though. We're fine with it.

But how can I show that I like you?

Just be nice to us.

Yeah, just be nice because we're normal.

We're just people.

We're regular people.

Yeah.

Right.

So don't treat us any different.

So you have – we ordered those two things.

So in terms of drinks, we're not into sugar right now.

We're not.

We're cutting sugar right out of our diet.

And so –

Water.

It said, well, we want to fancy it up because this is – what is this restaurant called again?

This is – what is it?

What is it?

Wait, what is it?

Thank you. We're cutting sugar right out of our diet.
Water. It said, well, we want to fancy it up because this is an – what is this restaurant called again? This is – what was the menu? Wait, what was it? Tototillanas.
Oh, Tototillanas. Tototillanas.
I love Tototillanas. This is a chain, right? Yeah.
It's a great chain. It started in El Paso.
There was two in El Paso and then one in Albuquerque, and then I think that's why they came here where we are now in Southern California. So delicious.
Well so here

at Tototino Juana's do you have anything else to drink that

wouldn't be water? Yeah.

We have something

similar to water. Which is

what? Which is what?

Spring water.

Oh spring water. You have the spring water

here. Wow fancy.
That's cool. We do like that.
We love spring water. We'll take a bucket of that.
We'll take a bucket of spring water. A bucket of spring water, please.
Yeah. Okay.
Do you have any desserts? We like to order dessert when we're ordering the whole meal. Yeah.
We like it on the table to look at what's coming. To give us a reward.
We just have chocolate pot pie. A chocolate pot pie.
Perfect. Perfect.
It just seems like a lot of sugar. We are cutting out sugar.
We're cutting out sugar. But desserts are full of sugars.
Well, we've been to plenty of restaurants that don't have sugar desserts. I mean, something light.
Do you have anything lighter than a chocolate pot pie? We have. And what in the chocolate Is it Let me ask you Is this hot chocolate? Inside? Is it A chicken pot pie So it's basically The crust of a pie Of a pie Inside it's just pure Chocolate Chocolate Yeah Melted chocolate But sometimes The chef will give you a surprise And put potatoes Oh.
Oh, yeah. Like they do.

That winning combination of potatoes and chocolate

that everybody strives for.

Yeah, potato chocolate.

Well, listen, that's fine.

Do you have something lighter?

He's not, but I'm on a diet and I'd like to shed

some pounds and that's why he

agreed to do the sugar thing with me, which was sweet of him.

Well, I mean, just because you like gays.

He is literally the bottom.

I mean, he's the bottom, so he doesn't

really need to lose the weight. We like to call it

the agreed to do the sugar thing with me which was sweet well I mean just because you like gays he is literally the bottom yeah I mean he's the bottom so he doesn't really need to lose the weight we like to call it the first layer I'm the first layer I'm the first layer so I just would like to lose a little bit of weight so what else do you have that's lighter dessert wise salad ice cream salad ice cream just salad with ice cream on top yeah what flavor ice cream is on top strawberry Ah, strawberryad ice cream. Just salad with ice cream on top? Yeah.
What flavor ice cream is on top?

Yeah.

Strawberry.

Ah, strawberry salad ice cream.

It's a, it's, let me ask you this.

So it's a lettuce cup and you scoop ice cream into it?

Yeah.

It tastes good.

You know, there it is.

There's that salad ice cream that you like so much.

You like so much.

Well.

Okay.

I guess we'll take those items.

We'll take those items.

Thank you.

Okay.

And now we're done.

We're done now. Okay.
Ready? And can we have the check, please? Here you go. Ah, thank you very much.
Thank you. Whoa, what? Excuse me.
$425? Well, how could we have? We got literally a salad, carnitas tacos, and the ice cream salad. The spring water is...
Oh, here we go.

You ordered a bucket? Yeah, we did.

Yeah, of spring water.

Let me ask you, so a bucket

of spring water at this restaurant

is $129?

$135.55

it says right there.

Wow. And where's this water from?

From Mount

Everest. Oh, that

explains it.

I wish you told us that up front. We probably wouldn't have ordered it.

I don't like on here You know sometimes servers will sign their name They'll write like thanks Margo With like a heart in it This one says thanks you gays I, thanks you gays. I know.
I tried to repass that, but... Look, it's fine that you feel that way and that you're cool with us, but, you know.
Listen, we, I'll be honest with you, we're not, we just didn't realize that Tia Tijuana, what's it? Tia Tijuana. Tia Tijuana.
Tia Tijuana is so. And we only have $430.

Yeah. Yeah.

So we're going to leave you whatever the tip, whatever the left.

Just whatever change is left over.

Is that okay?

Is that okay?

That's fine.

I support gays.

Can I talk to your manager?

Honey, honey.

Honey, honey, honey.

I want to talk to your manager.

Honey.

No, because that's the third time she said that. Let's not talk to the manager.
We'll just call corporate. Okay, that's fine.
We'll call corporate. I just want to say something, sweetie.
Sweetie, you crossed the line. The first time, right, was okay.
We were going to let that pass. Then you threw one in there, you know what I mean? In the middle of everything.
In the middle of everything, right? And now to add a third one is offensive?

Not necessary.

I was just saying it's fine.

Let's talk to the manager.

Let's talk to the manager, please.

Ah, here he is now.

There she is.

Is there any problem?

Here's the manager now.

Oh, there he is.

Any problems?

Yeah.

Yeah, your waiter mentioned,

you know,

we mentioned that we were a gay couple. Oh, wow.
We support gays in this restaurant. We get it.
We understand. We know that.
It comes from the top. It comes from the top.
I know. You can feel it.
It's trickled down. Trickled down racism.
Oh, no. Homophobia.
Homophobia, yeah. All right.
So, sir, she multiple times during our meal had mentioned that she liked gays, which we understand that's a cool – that's fine. We like that.
But I don't think she needs to bring up our sexuality during the dinner. Also, because I just want a side note.
Why is Springwater $125? That should have been my first question. Yeah, that should have been.
It comes from Mount Everest. Right.
Well, I guess that's that. I guess that's that.
That makes sense. Anyway, so and then so she threw in a gay bomb.
I mean, in the middle. Three times.
Three times. And the third one was a little offensive.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Rudy Jules, can I talk to you for a second? Okay.
You don't tell them that you like them. You just, like, smile, and that's it.
But you said to express love. Yeah, but with a smile, you know, good service, that's it.
Okay. Is there, like, a gay discount that you guys might have to make up for some of what you just did? We do have a gay discount, 20% off.
If you can prove you're gay. You know what? Can I just say something? If you can prove.
Oh, you want us to prove that we're gay? Can you imagine this restaurant? Hi. Can you imagine this restaurant? You have to prove your.
By the way by the way I imagine a restaurant a couple walking a couple sitting down and Rudy comes up and just goes I love gays we do a lot of gay stuff and I just feel like that whole scene we don't do a lot of gay stuff we're always a gay couple this is a fantasy podcast I understand that's you know can we be something else like hermaphrodites or sure fine or what is her from you're born with both genitalia let's just do that okay let's try that but not right now because we already did this scene but if we're lovers i know but the next scene okay the problem is not be gay okay good luck yeah we're we brothers, but we both happen to be hermaphrodites. And sometimes we kiss.
Yeah, sometimes. But that's just, you know, family.
That's family stuff. Fine.
Yeah, that's like to say goodbye. We fuck and kiss.
That's family stuff. That's family stuff.
That makes sense. But for us to always say that we're gay, I just feel like we need to stretch our legs.
It's not that. It's not that.

It's just because we're two guys that host this, and Rudy Jules is the resident queen

of the pod here.

Yeah.

When we're in a relationship on the-

But why don't we pirates?

You know what I mean?

Because we're gay guys.

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

Look at this, by the way.

Look at what Gaps Gaps has brought up on the screen here. Honestly

I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

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I don't know

I don't know

I don't know

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I don't know

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I don't know

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I don't know

I don't know

I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know Look at this, by the way. Look at what Gaps Gaps has brought up on the screen.

Honestly, you...

I look like a girl that just is a tramp.

No, you look...

Tramp.

Yeah, you look like somebody that like...

I'm a heroin dealer.

I'm in a small town, right?

Somewhere in Massachusetts.

Right, and you look like somebody that says, I just don't have the money. I'm like, what are we going to do about it? I need to get something out of it.
That kind of a situation. I'm like, well, what do you want? You propose something that's out of control.
I'll stick dribbles in my vagina. Right.
I'm like i didn't offer that but i did yeah yeah so can i have the heroin yeah i'll throw i need the h bad yeah this actually these two girls go out together these two girls go out and party at night if you were a drug addict what um what drug would i be no no but like like if you and i were on crack what is your line? What do you mean? Like we're street people. Yeah.
You and I are street people, right? Right. We're living under a tent.
Yeah. Under a bridge.
Under the freeway. Under the freeway.
Yeah. We need heroin eight hours a day.
Every eight hours, we need it. Yeah, our kick.
We got to get our fix. Oh, we start going to detox, right? So what are you willing to do? Honestly, though, what would you be willing to do kill you would i don't want to do would you suck dick or kill i don't want to do sex favors i'd rather be the murderer you i know you're not killing anybody i'm not giving no no no you're too much of a sweet boy i'm stabbing for sure for heroin but then you'll go to prison i know but it's better than well and then i'll have to suck dick there so it's like i'll get over it at some point yeah yeah i don't want it i just don't want to do.
I know, but it's better. And then I'll have to snuck dick there.
So it's like I'll get over it at some point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just don't want to do it.

Oh, my God.

That's Rudy as a doody?

Oh, my God.

Wow.

There's Carlos Santillias.

That's one of the members of the band.

Yeah.

Rudy, look at what you look like as a dude.

Why do you look like a Mexican guy?

You look like what?

Queer Gilbert.

You look like Gilbert a little bit? Yeah, a little bit, yeah. I think you look like a Mexican guy you look like what you look like Gilbert a little bit I think you look like a Mexican guy there yeah wow let me ask you something last night we were watching the fights yeah we did but there were many nights ago two weeks ago a couple weeks ago we were watching the fights you were watching the fights in the watching the fights and um i kind of got in a fight with the people in the house because let me just say this i got slapped in the face by the way who hit you in the face kalilah like like backhanded my face hard she she was gonna go really hard but she kind of held back a little bit but But I could tell.
But there was an anger. You saw it, right? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's because, you know, Rose Namajunas fought Wei Li.
Yeah. The Chinese one.
Correct. Right? Love Chinese people.
Yeah. I'm Asian.
Stop Asian hate. I'm not doing it.
Okay, go ahead. But I was rooting for Rose.
Why? Because Rose does things that she seems like she does the impossible. Like when she beat Johanna and Jacek the first time, it was – there's no – in your mind, she was never going to beat her.
Right? I mean johanna was just tearing through that division

and um you know johanna fought not johanna rose fought people like page van sant and people that weren't even in the sim in the same category category yeah johanna was the queen of the strawweight division right on beat her yep knocked her out in the first round yep and so in this one it's like you know here we have Wei Li who's

like this buff

monstrosity. Jacked.
Jacked, right? Like just jacked. Chinese.
So she's, you know, you just think that her work ethic is probably out the window. You know what I mean? Right.
And Rose is, you know, obviously not the betting favor. You know, people think she's going to lose.
And she was able to knock her out in the first round with a kick you see that kick it was pretty it was pretty amazing it was incredible right kicks to the face are in the neck in the neck oh my god she falls over she gets she loses waylee and i you know i go you know i'm a poor winner you love it i'm a poor winner you are a poor you're a poor poor loser. You're just as poor of a winner as you are a loser.
I'm a poor in everything. You're poor.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I went. You know, I went.
You were rubbing it in. Yeah.
And I think I did a, you know what I mean? I did a fucking dance move, like a swirl. Yeah.
You know what I mean? And I told you. And I went crazy.
I told you and I went crazy I told you I told you yeah yeah

yeah and instigating yeah you know I in their face I went to people's faces why yeah you know what crazy right then she just went pap in my head good and she goes and she goes you know are you white are you white yeah because I supported the white one You know what I mean?

You support a lot of whites.

Now, when she said that, Are you white? Yeah, because I supported the white one. Ah.
You know what I mean?

You support a lot of whites.

Now, when she said that, right, I go, maybe I am.

Yeah, maybe you are.

No, no, but am I?

A little.

Why?

Well, because you support a lot of whites.

Yeah, but it's like, why do I have to as an American citizen?

As an American citizen, why can't I? You can choose whoever you want.

Yeah, why can't I root for the American?

I'm an American.

You can.

Right?

But because I'm Asian, I have to vote.

I have to root for the fucking China.

It should be your angle.

Yeah, you should just want to go with the Asian.

Right, so what I'm saying, like if you're watching a sport.

I have to root for Conor McGregor.

I don't have a choice.

You do?

Every time I had to.

I don't know.

Even when I thought I shouldn't.

No, really?

Because it's like a thing.

You're like,

ah, it's a pride for a country a little bit.

That's why they wave the flags

at every UFC event.

They always have their flags there.

Yeah.

It's just,

it's like you're supposed to a little bit.

Huh.

I don't know why.

I don't like it, but it's like something inside you is like, I guess I should root for my own squad. Yeah.
It's just, it's like you're supposed to a little bit. Huh.
I don't know why. I don't like it, but it's like something inside of you is like, I guess I should root for my own squad.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Uh-huh.
If it's racist, if it's like, if it's like all about the race of it, but if it's about the nationality, then you kind of got to root for your national team. I mean, you're American, but like.
But like what? But, you know, you're also Asian. Like, I'm American, but I'm also Irish.
So, like, you know... Yeah, you're Italian.
I'm both. But there's no Italian...
What are the UFC Italian fighters that I'm rooting for? I want to live in a world where that's not a factor. I would love that.
Put your hand down. I would love that.
Don't do that. I would love that.

Fuck you.

But that's not possible.

I know.

You're talking about utopian society.

Yeah, I think, can't we, because, let me just say. What are you, a liberal?

No, no.

What are you, a Libby cuck?

Listen.

Snowflake?

That's why I loved Star Trek.

Star Trek lived in a world where, you know, everybody, people on planet, there was no more money anymore.

Right.

Right?

And people just strive to better themselves.

But you love money.

Just listen to what I'm saying, okay? I know. And maybe these are aspects that I hate about myself.
Correct. So just listen to what I'm saying, right? Okay, go ahead.
So it's like, you know, you know, in that world, you know, we're our old objective is to explore, to grow, and discover things within ourselves and also on the outside.

Right.

But who's paying for the gas for the spaceship?

Just the planet Earth.

Right.

And I don't think it runs on gas.

What does it run on?

You think there's a gas station up there?

There's got to be.

In the Romulan fucking – Well, what force does it run on?

Hope?

No, no, no. run on you think there's a gas station up there there's gotta be in the romulan fucking well well what what what force does it run on hope no it probably no dilithium crystals who gets it who's mining the dilithium crystals aha uh mexicans for sure mexicans yeah even in outer space space yeah you're right you're trying to get to a point yes you're right but i just want to get to a point where it's like you know i understand what you're saying i don't think you do no i do i think you're saying that you you wish that stuff didn't mean as didn't mean mean as much as it does no there's also a sense of guilt of like you know am i not supportive of other like when i'm i'm not when asians get beat up on the streets, it's offensive to me.
Sure.

And I want to fight that, right? And maybe if it was happening to another ethnicity, it would still be appalling to me, but not as appalling. Yeah.
Well, it's not going to affect you unless it literally has a connection. But I still would be – I mean it would affect me still.
you know still, you know, but I just found it interesting that it's like, you know, I can't support a white person. You can.
But then I get backlash. But you do it privately.
Within myself. Right, you do it inside.
So when, so when Whaley got knocked down, Correct. I should have went, Oh, Oh no.
Oh no. That kind of thing? That's so bad.
Wow. Yeah.
Okay. You have to celebrate internally.
Who did you support? Did you like the fights, Rude? Yeah, I liked it. You like fights, huh? I supported Waylee.
When Waylee got defeated, everyone was sad except Tita Bobby. That's why Atikala got really mad.
What did I do? What did I do? You were screaming and jumping. Yeah, yeah.
And then Atikala said that Rose said something racist to Ailey. What did she say? Oh, before.
Dead. All right.
Here we go. What? She said, I guess her grandfather was Lithuanian.
Okay. And died from the communists.
That's terrible. He fell off a tower.
What did the communists push him off a tower? Yeah, like in Game of Thrones. Cool.
It's a cool way to go. And then his, you know what I mean, her grandfather fell off the tower and became a war guard.
You know what I mean? He could fly through a crow. You know what I mean? That's kind of tight.
Pretty cool. That's's kind of cool but no um she was like i want to defeat communism oh that oh oh so it was about better dead than red that was his her like thing to get behind i'm sure yeah i mean but it's like but that is kind of bullshit because it's like what is we leave probably Li probably has no, I mean, you're born into a system.

Yeah.

Right?

Where, you know, you have to abide by. It's like, you know, I'm sorry.
This is a comedy podcast. I'm just.
Go for it, baby. But it's like, you know.
You're saying she might not be communist. No, it's like, you know, that – Or agree with communism.

76 days where it showed the first 76 days of, you know what I mean, the COVID epidemic in Wuhan. Yeah.
And, you know, these villagers and these towns people, they don't know what it is. They didn't have anything to do with this outbreak.
They're just born into a town. You're now a fisherman or whatever you might be working at a market all of a sudden you're sick you don't know what the fuck is going on whaley is the same with probably kind of communism i mean she's born into a system yeah system and the government knew by the way what do you mean the chinese government knew about what about corona i know but they didn't do you think that they it was a they created in a lab and they they didn't tell the people not to tell anybody they just didn't tell anybody when people were dying they were trying to find a way to cover it up yeah which is what our government does the same fucked up shit when they're like uh we'll figure out a way to cover how weird that the government now is acknowledging aliens do you not see all these reports now that they're like they're open now about about it? For all these years that we're like, that's a UFO.

That's a fucking UFO.

And the government's like, no, it's not.

And now look up any article.

They're like, yeah, okay, it's a UFO.

Well, the little grays have been living with us probably about 70 years.

At least.

You know the little grays?

At least.

Yeah.

At least.

You know what the little grays are?

Look up little grays.

Little tinies. I told you about my experience with the little grays are? Look up little grays.
Little tinies.

I told you about my experience with the little grays.

No.

Yeah.

Have you been abducted?

No, but I had an experience.

Well, what is it?

And you're not going to believe me.

I'm in.

I'm really sincere.

I believe in aliens.

First of all, let me just say this.

Today, obviously, my tone is very serious.

It was for a minute, but we can get back to that.

No, no, no. But that's why you know that when I talk about the little grays That I'm being serious I can feel it So a long time ago I was 17 years old And I was in a rehab First or second stint It was my second one Or third one Third time's a charm I was at the McDonaldald center and i met this man wait what i didn't hear that the mcdonald center oh the mcdonald's center yeah like the mcdonald's co-sponsors a rehab yeah how's the food delicious oh yeah they're like while you're kicking heroin get diabetes yeah so anyway um i met this man there and he was like a 50-year-old man in the so I was in the kids ward the teenage drug ward you're there for 45 days and then it was an adult ward but sometimes we would get together and go to meetings and what not so I met this man there and his name is Tom he's 50 years old or whatever and I would go to these men's meetings.
I would run into this guy all the time. He looked like just a white accountant vibe.
Yeah. Right? And one day, you know, sometimes there's this thing after an AA meeting where they go, you know, the meeting after the meeting, which is like, you know, all the guys or girls, they go to a restaurant and they socialize.
Drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, and eat all night. Yeah, you eat.
I've seen you guys. At Swingers, they used to do it all the time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
You don't like it. I just, I can just, you can.
Go ahead. I just want you to walk in.
I'm like, hey, can we get the table in the back? You know that corner of Swingers I used to love? And they're like, there's a group back there. I'm like, it's the fucking addicts.
They there and they're drinking coffee all night so they're never gonna give up they're never leave no i hate it they always have the good table it's fine fucking addicts it's fine fucking addicts i knew every time i like there's a group back there i'm like goddamn so anyway so after and sometimes when you go to a meeting um you go around to people go Are you guys going to go out and eat? No. Oh, some people are like that.
Right. And so one day I was at a meeting and that happened.
You guys going? Yeah. But no, no, we're going somewhere else.
You know, and nobody. But Tom was there.
This old guy. He goes, I'll eat with you.
And I'm 17. OK.
All right. Where right, where do you want to go? He's like, I love eating with little boys.
Let's go to the delicatessen or whatever. A deli.
Yeah. I call it delicatessen.
Delicatessen. Yeah, so we go to the delicatessen.
And we're just sitting there eating. And he goes, you know what I used to do, right? And I go, what? He goes, I used to work for the military.

You know?

And I go, oh.

And I'm just eating like an omelet.

I go, oh, that's interesting.

You know what I mean?

I can't wait to get out of there.

He goes, they're after me.

I love this guy.

Why?

I love this guy.

He goes, they're after me.

Why is it only white guys?

I don't know why.

It's us.

And I'm scared now because I'm from the suburbs. Yeah suburbs yeah at this point i've never seen a black person i don't know so you think black people are after no i don't know anything i don't know anything i don't know anything if i saw an american indian i would probably you mean cry with joy right pick up yeah i yeah i'm just like no no i'm just like i'm innocent.
Yeah, because all my drug dealings and stuff happened in Poway.

San Diego.

From where I'm from.

Tiny little neighborhood.

Right, a little neighborhood.

So I don't know anything outside this world.

Okay.

Right.

So I go, oh, cool.

And he goes, in fact, they're after me.

I go, oh, you know, I'm eating.

Yeah, okay.

And he goes, I'm living out of my van.

And I go, and now I'm scared because I've seen TV shows you know what I mean this is where you die yeah and I know what happens to little boys in vans he's like finish your omelet he goes did you hear about the little grays I know about the little grays he said and I go and I'm like now you're interested I don't know what's the little grey he goes they live they've been living amongst us for many many years they live underneath one I don't know I don't remember which one I was young so I don't remember which military you know what I mean compound area 51 no it wasn't my area 51 it was somewhere in Virginia or whatever. And he goes, they live, you know what I mean, amongst themselves.

They're little.

They can read.

They have telepathy.

They have kinetic powers and whatnot, right?

Yeah.

And they live amongst us.

And I go, oh.

And he goes, I stole files from the military.

That's why they're after me.

Right?

That's what he says to me. Right.
So I go, oh, and he goes, I could show you. Why is he showing a 17-year-old boy? I do.
Right. It's during the day, though, too, and the parking lot's like, you know what I mean? Okay.
Packed. So he said, come out to the van.
Yeah, it's a very popular delicatessen. Come out to the van.
Yeah, so I go to the van. Let me show you the files in so he opens up the back door right and i see a mattress right and i'm a now i'm in a point where it's like i know i can run right you're outside yeah he also he's an a he's a nice guy so um now i'm not kidding you on the side of this fucking van right there's a shotgun guns ammo inside yeah inside yeah there's files

right

there's like

a suit yep right there's clothing in the corner of the van right um i think there's like a little stove yeah he's gotta eat he's gotta eat right but it's like you know it looked like you know a zombie apocalypse van it looks like a crazy person who steals little asian boys and takes them in the van and says there's files in there. No, no, that's not true.
And he goes in the van, comes out with these military documents. As far as you know.
As far as I know. But I've never seen a military document before.
That's why. They looked legit with the stamps.
Gotta have a stamp. What do you mean? Military always stamps stuff.
Yeah, there's photographs. If there's anything you know about the military they stamp photographs photographs cut to so i see them right and i go anyway i gotta go home i'm in school right so you know i go home and then maybe a year later i don't see him for a year tom's gone yeah i see, I see him a year later, and now he looks different.

His eyes are like bug-eyed.

He's got like hair like this.

Drugs?

No.

Okay.

Right?

And he just looks skinny.

Drugs.

And he looks fearful.

Drugs.

Okay, I don't know.

Right.

Don't make assumptions.

Well, he was in AA with you.

You're just mad about the swingers.

Go ahead.

You're mad about swingers.

I know what happened.

Okay, go ahead. Okay.
I go, hey, man, how's it going? He goes, I don't have long left. Right, drugs.
And then I never saw him again. Yeah.
Yeah. This is drugs.
No, the military. Probably he died of drugs, not aliens.
The military got him. The alien heroin came.
The military. And was like, ooh, yeah.
No, the military. The military got him.
You think the military little guys got him? Yeah, yeah look up ufo look up government government admits ufo don't hold your breath through a breakthrough but still the department of defense confirmed just they're here but isn't it fucked they're here don't you remember when we were kids when we were kids yeah all we ever heard was they were like that's bullshit it's fake that the government shut it down constantly right yeah they used. They used to be like, that's not true.
Yeah. There is no UFO.

The moon landing was real.

They told us all these lies.

The earth is round.

All these lies they've given us over the years.

I know.

Look, she's yawning again.

I know.

You need anger management classes.

Sure.

Yeah.

See what I'm saying?

Here we go.

You're there.

It's right here.

It's pouring out.

You're going to cry.

You're going to cry, Ray.

I wish I could cry.

Yeah, yeah.

I haven't cried.

When was the last time you cried, Rudy?

Last night.

Yeah, she cried.

Why did you cry?

A movie.

What movie did you see?

What movie?

Mortal Kombat.

No, Sub-Zero, no!

What did you cry for?

It was a love story.

A Walk to Remember.

Oh, I love A Walk to Remember. Did you see it? Yes.
Have you seen this movie? Are you kidding me? No. What a cute movie.
What? It was good? It's really sweet. I pass.
It's Mandy Moore. It's Mandy Moore.
And what's the guy's name? What a movie. A Walk to Remember.
Do you even know what it's about? I don't like love stories. This is beautiful.
Mandy Moore, and what's his name? Shane West? Shane West. So Mandy Moore is paralyzed.
From the what? From the neck down. Why is it always the neck down? Why can't it be from the ears down? Well, because you can still feel your ears usually.
Because this is two separate... Oh, it is? I'm not a doctor.
So Mandy Moore, this movie, gets in a tragic car accident right after high school. This is her high school boyfriend, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She gets paralyzed from the neck down. Is this true? Yeah.
Okay. She gets paralyzed from the neck down, Mandy Moore.
Okay? Yeah. Everyone goes off to college and does their thing.
Meanwhile, she's totally bugged out in a wheelchair. She's Stephen Hawking, basically.
Okay? And everyone goes off to college. Now, this guy moves back into town because his mom is sick.
Right? So he comes back into town. Years later.
Years later. Like how many years? I think it's like five.
What is it? Five or six years? Five or six years, he moves back into town. Comes back into this small little town.
Yeah. Okay? In Tennessee.
Yeah yeah and he comes back and sees old mandy and yeah okay yeah and he and and they form a love connection because of the lose the loss of his mother and that mandy herself had lost her mother as well in the car accident okay so then what happens this is insane you're not going to believe this you're not going to believe this he gets her to walk he actually gets her to walk how he could he creates this like he's a he's a he's a why are you laughing nothing it's just he knows the details because i did love this movie oh you

so he's i feel like he's making it up no this is the movie yeah it doesn't seem real to me it

he's an engine it doesn't because i'm saying he comes back he falls in love with this girl he's

And I feel like he's making it up. No, this is the movie.
Yeah, it doesn't seem real to me. He's an engine.
It doesn't because I'm saying he comes back. He falls in love with this girl.
He's an engineer, right? He was an aerospace engineer, right? He comes back. He builds her a contraption to get her out of the chair.
And it physically makes her walk on the beach for the first time. Let's be honest.
So it's a walk to her and she's physically walking on the beach together. It's the most beautiful movie I've ever seen.
Can I ask you a question?

What?

Let's suppose.

I've never seen this movie, but I want to see it.

You've never seen it?

No.

Yeah.

So you were lying?

Yeah, yeah.

That's a great.

But imagine her on the beach walking, and he's machine operating a walk to remember.

That was really good. So you never saw it? No, I have no idea what that movie is.
I have no idea. What is it about, Roots? The girl has a sickness.
Cole told you? You knew that? Did you know that? These movies are all the same, Poppy. These are written in a format.
Andres knows what this is because he went to film school with the guy that probably wrote it. These guys all write the same movie.
She's sick or he's sick and there's a family and there's a love connection and there's a guy that comes in the middle of it or or someone else or her brother doesn't like him these movies are there's a billion of them they're hallmark you ever seen hallmark films yeah there's a hallmark film the guy goes there's a girl in the big city and she moves back to small town or vice versa and it's like oh what's going on big hot hot big city hot shot it's all the same and then they find out that they all they need is love and you don't need money or work and whatever and look at that when landon shane west decides he wants to make his activity series he asked jamie mandy more to help uh and begins to spend most of the time with her and we start to develop strong feelings for the two-star relationship with the heartbreaking secret becomes known that puts their relationship to the test which is of course she's sick she's gonna die yada yada this is as fucking, what's the Macaulay Culkin movie with the bees when it's stung by the bees? My girl. Killer bees.
My girl. Killer bees.
So let me ask you something. It's all the same movie.
But to me, just the premise in itself, I'm going to sound so bad right now, but just let's be honest with ourselves. I'm here.
All right? It's like if you're dating somebody in high school. Okay.
You don't have the, you know, or even early 20s. And I'm your girlfriend, I suppose.
And I said- Are we gay for this part or not? No, no, no. I'm a girl for this, all right? All right, fine, fine.
All right, so can we be half a homophrodite? Yes, that's what I like. Okay, okay.
No, so we're dating in high school, for real, go. Yeah.
And I think I should be the guy because this is my point. Okay.
You be the girl for this time. That's fine.
That's fine. I'm secure enough.
Hey, baby. Yeah, what's up? How did the doctor appointment go? Wait a minute.
I don't want to play that character like that. That's cheesy.
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Do it again. All right.
Hey, sweetheart. Hey, what up? No.
Why? I don't like it. She's post-op.
She's not post-op.

No, no, no.

Because I...

Why can't I play the girl that I want to play?

Can you just play...

You're post-op?

You want to play post-op?

Just go again.

That's fine.

All right.

I got to go deeper, though.

That's fine.

If you're going to go deep, I got to go deeper.

But you don't have a deep voice.

I'm going to try.

All right, go ahead.

Hey, baby.

Just be traveling.

Just be traveling. Hey, baby.
Hey, baby.

Hey, what's up?

Man, I love you, boo.

I love you, too.

So what's going on?

What was the doctor's appointment like?

Pretty bad.

I got three letters for you.

H-I-V. H-I-V.
That's what they said. Holy man.
Because we've been fucking without counting. We've been raw talking.
Yeah, baby. Well, I'm your girl.
You love me. Hold up.
So stay right here. Okay.
I want to make a phone call. You got

it. All right.
Ring ring. Hello

doctor. Play the

doctor. Hello.
Hi.

I think I need a HIV test.

Okay. Tomorrow.

Okay. You can come by tomorrow.
2 p.m.

Okay. I'll be free.
Okay. So

okay. Maybe.

Yeah. I made a doctor

department. Okay.
Yeah. So anyway, you dying? Clearly.
Wait a minute. What was this about at the beginning? We got away from it real bad.
Wait, you said no one in high school. No one in high school what? Even in your 20s.
I gotta get back. Okay, here's- It can't be HIV.
It can't be HIV. I'm dying of cancer.
It can't be HIV It can't be HIV It can't be HIV though You can still live with HIV When did this movie come out? When did this movie come out? It was still maybe There were still people getting the cocktail Maybe but it was tougher to live back then Can it be a different disease? be you, go. Yeah, the voice is driving me crazy.
Okay, go ahead. Well, let's do voices, but let's just figure what that is going to be.
Let's surprise me. Okay, perfect.
All right. All right.
Hey, baby. Yes? No? Cut, no.
I can't do a face? Let's just be normal. Let's just do normal.
All right, go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tell me what the scenario's like. Well, let's improvise it.
I know, but what I'm asking- What I'm asking, telling you, is that I don't do a face Tell me what the scenario is like Well let's improvise it

What I'm asking telling you is that

I don't think that a young couple

I think that if

A guy is dating a girl

And she's like I have this rare disease

I'm going to be dead in six months

I think that he'll stay

With the girl out of guilt

What if he's in love?

I don't know

Rudy, well you're a hard person

Yeah women are different

Thank you. I think that he'll stay with the girl out of guilt.
What if he's in love? I don't know. Rudy, well, you're a hard person.
Yeah, women are different. I'm being real.
It's like. Okay, if Kalilah got into.
That's different because. If Kalilah got sick right now.
It's different because. Because you're older.
Not am I older. I understand what life is much more.
Sure. I mean, I have more days, you know what I mean, behind me than ahead.
Let's ask ask gab's then she's another woman that's not rudy then yeah but women have a different point of view i i feel like if i like if i had some terminal disease and kylea had to take care of me it would be far different than if it was vice versa why my feeling because i just don't know how to do it emotionally at like a woman does you're saying her strength they're stronger than you yeah it's like you know um i need to go to the appointment to get you know i mean my spine you know i mean you know regenerate or whatever right and i'm like where do we got to go at every we have to do regeneration therapy monday wednesday friday and it's in santa barbara noon to two yeah and to get up at seven in the morning. And then it would just be one of those things where it's like...
Spine regeneration. Yeah, it's going to be one of those things where it's going to be like I'll go...
I'll obviously go, yeah, we'll do it, right? But it's going to like... I think it'll show on my face.
Like in the morning, it'll just be like, alright, let's go. So if Kalilah needed spine regeneration and she was slowly slowly done I would do it I would do it Begrudgingly But you're lazy Tito Bobby There it is And that's exactly my point And that's exactly correct Not a lot of guys are lazy Maybe Tito Andrew isn't lazy That's right Alright no I would take her to do it And I wouldn't even think about it Either would I But you just said I'm being honest You said you being too.
It wouldn't bother me. I don't think you're being honest.

No, I'm being genuine.

If she said I had to go.

So every Monday

you have to wake up

six months

that it wouldn't even.

No, because I wake up

on Monday now.

And she's going to die anyway

in six months.

Oh, sure.

Yeah, yeah.

Because then it's a countdown.

Yeah, me too.

How exciting.

Six months?

Me too, me too.

Then every month

I'm just like five more months.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How about this?

If Kalilah got into

a tragic car accident

and she was paralyzed

from the neck down would you stay? Yeah. You would stay? 100%.
Because it'd be easy to leave. I wouldn't.
She couldn't even, how could she catch you? No, there's no way. Because your house isn't wheelchair ready.
No, because her and I have, let me, History. No, no, it's not just history.
It's a, Clearly I'm kidding. Of course you would stay.
It's a um a connection that's far beyond just the physical right if you if i can say it's probably more than it's probably almost never because she was today or she was talking about how your relationship is maybe not physical at all anymore we are physical but uh today she was talking about how when she was born or growing up yeah yeah, growing up, there was these two teenage girls

that were murdered in the Philippines

and they had their titties cut off, right?

What the fuck?

And she knew a guy that was accused of it,

whatever it might be.

You knew the guy?

No, she didn't.

She wasn't born yet.

Oh, Kalilah did.

But I was like, she's like,

it could have been me and my sister, right?

They got their titties cut off, right?

And then my response after that was like,

oh, well then my life would have been completely worse than it is now because she didn't have tits no if she had died you know i mean in the 70s or 80s right right then and i've never met her i don't know if i would be here with you right now i don't think i think my life would be completely different butterfly effect for sure everything yeah, yeah. I think it would be way worse because it's like- Well, that's hard to say.
I'll tell you why though, I think that's true is because everything that's positive in my life- Is because of her. Is a direct result of meeting her.
That's probably true. In terms of just the trajectory of my career, the trajectory of wanting to get better as a human being, the trajectory of just everything.
You think if Kalilah didn't check you down when you relapsed, if you didn't have her, that would have been the end? I might have still been out there. You know what I mean? But it's not even just that.
It's like when I did years ago when we lived in that apartment on Beachwood

she was like

we should do a podcast and I'm like

no

she goes well I'm gonna do one on my own then

go ahead

she went to the guitar center by herself

she set it up in the room

and she did it on her own for like a month

right and then one day I walked

by her the door was open and she

was just sitting there and Mike and just

Thank you. She set it up in the room and she did it on her own for like a month.
Right. And then one day I walked by her.

The door was open and she was just sitting there and Mike and just doesn't know what to say.

You know, she's just sitting there.

She had done it.

Right.

And I just kind of went, all right, we'll do one.

So I would go, let's just call it Tiger Bell.

And she's like, why?

I'm like, because no one's going to listen to this anyway.

It doesn't make any sense as a non sequidor.

Right.

Right.

And we started doing it. And then here we are.

You know what I'm like, because no one's going to listen to this anyway. It doesn't make any sense as a non sequidor.
Right. Right.
And we started doing it. And then here we are.
You know what I mean? I am a podcaster. Yeah.
Right. Because of that experience.
Yeah, correct. Yeah.
So it's like everything. She has had a positive effect.
Everything. Everything.
So without her, you'd be worthless. I might be.
Truly. Who knows? I could have found something else in life.
I think I might have got it COVID because she's so, you know what I mean, adamant, right? She was very strict about this pandemic and I followed, you know, the rules of the house. You sure did.
What do you mean? No, you did. I did and I didn't get it.
Yeah, that's good. Yeah.
I got it. I know you did.
A little bit cooler than you. No.
A little bit cooler than you. Irresponsible.
It did a little bit cooler than you no you're responsible cooler than you you're responsible it was a little bit cooler than you no you got your and you got your wife sick at them oh not only to her i got 55 other people sick when i found out i had it i went out i didn't stay at home i was out out and about starbucks no mask coffee thank you please next trader please. Next, Trader Joe's.
You know what I mean? Everywhere I went, dude. I was spreading it, dude.
I was so, I loved it. You're a deuce bag.
I loved it. You're a deuce bag.
And people were like, oh, sir, you're not wearing a mask. I'm like, so what? I came up from Huntington Beach.
I was coughing, dude, Spitting and coughing. I wasn't irresponsible.

I got the math.

I got it with a friend outside.

How do you know?

We got it from Chris D.

I know.

From Chris's friend.

His Mexican friend.

His Mexican friend?

You misquoted what he was like a thousand times.

That's the matter.

He's not Mexican.

I know, but he's a stand-up?

He is.

Does he feel bad about it?

He does.

He should. It's something about me that won't let certain things go.
Like what? Like, I have this thing where it's like, and I want to change this about myself, where like, you know, like my falling out with the La Jolla Comedy Store. You can always bounce back.
But you know what happened, right?? I do. Yeah.
You want to talk about it? And I'll never... Yeah, I'll talk about it.
I just can't forgive this guy. Sure.
But why can't you forgive people? That's the thing. It's something that I have within myself whereas I get a grudge.
Yes, you hold a grudge. And I hold it in my heart forever.
Get rid of that.

I know, but I can't.

But that's going to kill you faster than it kills them.

It doesn't hurt me.

I don't, it doesn't.

It does subconsciously.

You don't even know it, but it does.

Things like that do hurt us.

It's like, I'll tell you what happened.

You know that club got gutted and closed at one point.

Did you know that? Yeah, I do.

Okay.

So that club.

No, no, no.

So the manager what?

No, no, no.

The manager what? When I was a kid, right? And I went into that club. So the manager what? No, no, no.
The manager what?

When I was a kid, right?

And I went into that club, right?

And Mitzi one day said, I'm closing it down.

Right.

Okay.

He was losing money.

No.

She's like, I'm moving it.

She moved the comedy store to the beach.

Oh, I remember that.

Yeah.

On the coast of La Jolla.

You weren't around that.

No, I heard about it. I know the story.
So then that comedy store, the one that we know that yeah yeah on the coast of law you weren't around that no i

heard about i know i know the story so then that comedy store the one that we know in la joia right yeah was completely gutted it was going to be like a furniture shop right right the beach there was no parking there so they started freaking out and the last second she's like let's go back heck, right?

But now the club was gutted.

Right.

So me, Freddy Soto, guys like Johnny Sanchez when we were kids, we went in there and we put the bamboo on the wall. You know, the bamboo? Yeah.
Right? We built a stage. We went in there, put carpeting down.
We did it all. Right? Then I worked there.
Right? As a doorman. Yeah.
Right. That place was my fucking home.

I know every crack of that club.

Right.

Right.

It's like, you know, it's like your hometown house that you grew up in.

Can you imagine that?

It burned down.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's all right.

I did it.

Really funny.

But I know what you mean.

Yes.

So anyway, so now after I was in on mad tv or whatever right maybe after a little after that and i had to do a special not special but a stand-up set on tv i forgot what it was sure so i wanted to work out a set so i called the la jolla comedy store. And I talked to a doorman.

And I go, yo, what's going on tonight?

He's like, the best of San Diego.

So I go, I'm going to drive down because I don't want to work it out here in Hollywood.

And I just want to work it out there.

He's like, come on down.

So I drive two and a half hours or whatever it is to La Jolla.

I go into the club

and this manager

who I didn't even know

he was new there,

right?

I go,

all right,

when can I go up?

And he goes,

you can't go up here.

And I go,

why?

Because we're doing

pretty funny women.

Right?

Yeah.

So I go,

all right,

well,

I'll wait

and I'll just go up

at the end.

Compromise.

What year is this?

This must be 2005.

You're on mad.

Yeah.

Okay.

Right?

So you say,

I want to go up the end

of the show

that's called

Pretty Funny Women.

Yeah.

Which just gives women

an opportunity that

usually they didn't have

a lot of spots.

Exactly.

But I'm at the,

I'll go up at the end. But I'll go up at the end.

But I want to go at the end.

Yeah.

The headline, the Pretty Funny Women Show.

Special guest.

Got it.

Okay, you're making me mad right now.

I'm agreeing with you.

I literally just said got it.

I don't think so.

I just said got it.

I'm just trying to figure out the context.

I need context.

Oh, if it was like an all Hispanic show, right?

Pretty Funny Bees. Yeah.
yeah and you and i popped in popped in at the level that you're at now right imagine the talent on the thing there's no name that these are it's basically open mic night right i walk in and they're like hey it's hot tamale night right right and you go yeah i'll go up at the end you know it's like okay so And you go, yeah, I'll go up at the end. You know, it's like.

Okay, so just go back.

You said I want to go up at the end.

Yeah, and he goes, no.

Right.

So I got back in my car and I drove away.

But I told him, maybe I sound like a baby.

What did you say?

I said, if you don't put me up right now, I drove two and a half hours.

Right.

I'm never going to play this club again.

Can I ask?

And he goes, fine.

Really?

Yeah.

Did you call anybody and say I'm coming down?

I just told you I did.

Thank you. half hours right you know i'm never gonna play this club again can i can i ask and he goes fine really yeah did you did you call anybody and say i'm coming down that i just told you i did who who did you contact i called the door the the phone guy during the day and the phone guy was like come on down right miscommunication so did you you should have said the manager didn't the phone guy tell you i'm coming yeah i probably said that and he was like no he didn't tell me yeah and then you're like oh okay well then fire that guy because that's his fault that's fine i don't i'm not gonna all the doorman and the phone guys are all stand-ups right yeah so i'm not gonna fucking um let a ruin somebody's dream sure but then well then so but it's not the manager it's not that big of a deal it's a little just put me up okay but it's not that big of a deal it's not that big of a deal so go back now no because but it's all i already said if you don't put me up yeah i'm never coming back here and he goes that's fine with me right so i go at that point i'm like now i can never come back but what i'm telling you is it doesn't bother him it bothers you doesn't bother me this is going back to my original point we harbor those things and it doesn't hurt him he doesn't lose any sleep about it it doesn't he's never even thought about it since it happened but it does bother you because it's you know still know it so well so what you want me to do is go i'm back i want you to go hey i want to come back and then he i see the guy and he'll go dude it's so great to have you here we wish you came over the years i'm sorry that that fucking thing happened.
You're making me so mad right now. But it's so real.
But I'm telling you, you can fix something that is not even a problem. No, I will refuse.
I refuse. You know what it is? Because let me give you a parallel.
When Rogan left. When Rogan told the story.
I refuse. I'll tell you why I refuse.
Okay, when he's fired, what if he gets fired or quits? Then will you go back? Oh, yeah. Okay, so it's all him.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
Oh, yeah. I'll go.
Or he could call me and go, listen, I'm sorry. But what did he do? I'm sorry for not putting you up.
On the Pretty Funny Women show. But that is a funny quote.
I'm sorry for not putting you up on the Pretty Funny Women show. Right.
If it in LA, right? Yeah. And it's like- But it's not LA.
Just listen to what I'm saying, right? Right. If the lineup is like Sarah Tiana, Sarah Silverman, you know what I mean? Whitney Cummings.
Ali Long. 100% I'd be like, you know what? I can't be on the show.
But why not? Because I'm not a woman. But why could you be on the the other show because it's like a packed room and it's like because they weren't famous enough the other women exactly and you understand my point of view right I don't I mean I know why you feel that way but I don't think you're right I think you're wrong I love you but I think you're wrong I think the manager was put in a bad position and then you you now, after all these years, you're big Bobby Lee.

You're you're in space right now of comedy.

You can do whatever you want.

Why don't you just go?

Well, then I want to ask you another question.

Yeah.

Can I ask you another question?

Of course.

Is there any level that you can be?

Yes.

To get put up on that stage?

Yes.

If Chris Rock, let me just say if Chris Rock drove down there. Right.
Could he go up there? He wouldn't do that. Oh, no, that's not true because I've seen, I was a doorman at the La Jolla comedy.
No, what I'm saying is if Chris would call and go, I'm coming to come down and I'm coming up and they would make it a thing. Right.
Right. So my point is, if you were more famous, they would have been like, yo, Chappelle is coming and and the whole show would have shut down so what you're saying to me right now is that i just wasn't famous enough to make that happen well to make the thing a thing yeah you weren't famous enough to try to bump someone on the pretty funny women show right so there's a level that you can though and i still don't think you should but is there it happens all the time it happens but but it's like but it only should happen if like but like i think all headliners know why would you need it you don't need to go no because i remember one time i was the circumstances i was a doorman i was a doorman right at the comedy store in la jolla and on tuesday nights fred burns gave us the room so they go it's of you.
We're doorman. You guys work your ass off to pack this room.
So we would take these tickets. Flyers, yeah.
And go to, back then it was called Jack Murphy Stadium. And when there was a Padres game, right, we would pass out these tickets.
Free tickets, right? And we sold out this room. Oh, no, it was paid? No, I mean, it was a, yeah, it was a papered room.
Papered room, yeah. But we got the whole tuesday night it was packed dope right yeah our show i love those right we showed up and chris rock was in town cool this is before bring your pain though bring the pain bring the pain right all right and they go chris is gonna go up yeah in the middle of it And to do an hour.
That's awesome. Right? And there's nothing we could do.
That's right. He went up.
That's right. Did it.
Right. And then some of us weren't able to go up.
Yeah. You know what I mean? And some of us got fucked.
And we worked really hard to do the show. My point is, that's, you know what I mean? But you're not Chris Rock.
I was, but I know. I understand that.
But this is Chris. Just let me defend myself.
But you're not Chris Rock. I understand.
But this is Chris Rock, right? Chris Rock became huge after Bring the Pain. Huge.
Right? Yep. Before Bring the Pain.
But before that, we knew it was was Chris Rock. Hmm.
Interesting. He was fucking phenomenal.
Right. But so what you're saying is that- Chris Rock arguably then is probably just- So what you're saying, your point is, I could have bumped, right? Yeah.
Pretty Funny Women if I was Chris Rock. Yeah.
And I wasn't big enough. That's right.
Okay. So that's the deal.
And since the circumstances were- Because it's also, I want to add this little thing into it. It's also my home club.
I know. That's why I think you should squash this.
No, I will not. I refuse to.
How about this? No, I refuse to. How about we do a bad friend show then? I'm going to double down.
Would you do it with me? No, I'm not. Refuse.
I'm going to double down now, right? Double down. I'm going to do everything from that from this point forth I'm gonna I'm like a little baby I love it all right from this point forward yeah right yeah I'm gonna do everything I can I will never give up to take the club down no not the club to take the club I will never give up I'm gonna try to get as big as I fucking can let's do it and let me say something right now right I'm in a very good trajectory right now.
You're killing it. Am I being sarcastic? You're killing it.
Don't make me mad. You're killing it.
What else do you wanna know? And I'm gonna do everything I can to get bigger and bigger. Did you watch any of the Pretty Funny Women? Did you stay for any of it, seriously? You have me in such a bad mood.
I don't know if I can continue. You did this.
I didn't do this. You just want you to agree with me what I agree with you on is you don't agree with me you're being devil's advocate you know the show you know what the show is eh it was a fucked up situation yeah it was not fair but I don't think you should hold it out to your San Diego fans how about that if you yawn again dude it's been the whole show oh yeah yeah yeah it's been the whole whole show.
And you don't want to be here. And the worst part is the fans like you and that's what's so annoying.
It's so annoying. You don't even want to be here.
They love you so much. This is doing so much for your life.
No, I want to be here. Right? So anyway.
Pull the mic up to your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
God, it's so, it's just a one rule. It's not this ever.
It's never been. It's right here always.
Listen, guys. I want to be here.
All right. So here's the deal.
I just want to do a group apology You have a tendency Because I love you so much We're family To really dig in And to get me there You got me there for the first time But let me tell you something It'll never happen again It's not that I got it What i'm gonna say to you is this i right am acting like a child about it yeah about that situation right and i am going to grow i love better i love it and so what i'm going to say to everyone in this room is that listen up everyone everyone in this room all right you know thank you for being involved in this project that we're doing right um let's take one foot in front of the other and step into the future into the bright future i like and i want to say that i really appreciate everyone's energy and positive energy here right and i'm not going to let you right god bless yeah your psychological mental attacks on me i didn't do anything i understand that but you know how to fuck you know that my buttons right and i know yours and I'm not going to press them because I'm a good person. I didn't press any of your buttons.
Yeah, you did. My point is this.
Thank you so much, Gabby, for being here. Thank you so much.
Fancy. Fancy B for being here.
Your yawning is fine. Be you.
That's why they like her. Your rage eyes, it's not going to affect me.
Let's move on's move on you wanna play a fucking program let's do another program

let's go

let's do it let's play games

here man I feel great

okay

alright so Andres

introduce what you've got

because we love

movies so much in this show

we selected a few super famous

popular movies in the US

for Rudy to tell us

So, let's go. because we love movies so much in this show we selected a few super famous popular movies in the US for Rudy to tell us what the plot is about based on the poster and the title before we go into that can I just mention something real quick though of course because I am the co-host 50% of this I didn't say anything I know but I'm just for, I mean, right now, basically I'm Scorpion and you're Sub-Zero.
I'm Raiden. Oh, no, you're not Raiden.
I'm Raiden. You're not Raiden at all.
How am I not Raiden? Because Raiden's a good guy. I am Raiden.
No, you're not. You're definitely like Cabal.
Jax. You're not Jax, you're not black.
Yes, I am. I can be whatever I want.
All right, I'll be Sub-Zero. You're Chung Lee.
Oh, that's right. I am.
You're Chung Lee for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And first of all, I would be Scorpion. He's the only one that's close to my color of red.
That's true. No, no, no.
Yeah, because Scorpion throws fire, dude. I'm Scorpion.
You're Chung Lee. Yeah.
And you are. She's what's Melanie? What's her name? Milena.
Yeah, Milena. Milena.
Milena. Milena.
Anyway, what about movies is what I want. Let's go back to the movie thing that we're going to do.
I had a discussion with Kaline all the time because we mentioned Three Amigos. And I go, I can't believe you haven't seen that to this one.
And then Kaline goes, well, she was born in this time. Right? But it's like.
I know who the Beatles are. Exactly.
I hate that argument because it's like when i was you know a kid right i saw citizen kane that was in the 50s right i saw um i know what on the water frankenstein wasn't in my right i mean i i go for i watch the classics if it's good everyone will know it for the rest of time so it's like you should have seen this movie already yeah and you haven't seen this film this film. No, I haven't.
Okay. So based on the movie, the poster, tell us what it's about.
Can you zoom in? Zoom in. Yeah.
What's a Shawshank? You got to figure it out. You have to tell us.
Tell us what it is. It's about two guys.

Yeah.

In the military.

Correct.

That's actually correct. That's what I actually know.

How do you know that?

I don't know.

Yeah.

What else?

And then it's World War I.

Yep.

Yep.

And then they.

Yeah. What do they do? What's Shawshank? That's a war.
That's a war. Okay.
Okay. Okay, so two guys in the military, they are the ones that defeated the enemy in Shawshank.
Yeah. And they freed the people who were in prison.
Exactly. That's actually right.
That's exactly right. That's actually right.
Yeah. And the guy on the right is...
Morgan Freeman. Yes.
We know that. The guy on the right, his name in the movie is...
It's a dead giveaway. It's a nickname based after what they used to call him when he was a kid.
They would look at his picture. They would call him...
Deshaun. Deshaun.
Deshaun. Deshaun.
Yeah, Deshaun. And the guy on the left, his nickname, or, well, his name in the movie is his nickname, and he looks like...
Nick. Nick.
Nick and Deshaun. Nick and Deshaun.
They're in the Shawshank War. Yep.
Right? They go in. They liberate the town.
Yeah. Free the guys from the prison, right? Look at the bottom what happened.
That right there is the moment that you need to- What is that? What is that? Titanic? It's the Titanic. Exactly.
So this is crazy. You're not going to believe this, but that scene from the Titanic was actually in this movie first.
They did that scene in this movie. Yeah.
And then the Titanic stole it. So it's an homage to World to world war one he's actually on a boat he's on the head of a boat because you know shawshank right the war the war is shawshank is an island i don't know if you know this right so he's on the boat it's close to where you grew up you know i i'm the king of the world he says that i'm the king of this world nick so nick right is his name nick said it yeah it goes i'm the king of the world right and right there does that look like rain it's not you know what it is blood it's bullets and blood bullets and blood bullets and blood i'm the king of the world it's a crazy it's a crazy scene it's kind of like scarface when he was like you know when he's getting shot up in the back really Holy shit.
Okay. Have you seen this movie?

This one, of course, is an American classic called The Godfather.

Yeah, exactly.

And The Godfather, of course, is about what?

What is it about?

I've heard about it, but. Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

Is it about, like, gangsters?

Yeah.

Yeah.

There we go.

It is.

And that?

And he is a mafia. Yeah, a mafia.
Yeah. And we go.
It is. And that? And he is a mafia.

Yeah, a mafia.

And what's his name?

The actor's name?

I mean, that's next to impossible.

You do know that actor.

You've seen him before.

Yeah, he's European.

Eastern European.

He looks like Joaquin Phoenix.

His name is Joaquin.

That's actually good. His first name is Joaquin.
Joaquin. But his last name isn't Phoenix.
His last name is... Joaquin...
Cher... Cher...
Cherlinger. Cherlinger.
Cherlinger. Cherlinger.
Joaquin Cherlinger. And he plays in the movie...
The father. The father.
The godfather. The godfather.
Very good. Now, at the bottom it says, I'm going to make him an offer.
He can't refuse. Who did he make the offer to? Who did Joaquin Scherlinger make an offer to? The father.
The other father. The other father.
Because there's more than one father. Of course there is.
Well, you have the godfather, right? The regular father. But other clans have other fathers.
So there's another father, and he goes, I'm going to make you an offer that you can't refuse. Do you know what the offer was? What's the offer? The offer was? From the godfather to the father.
What was it? To save the niece, or he dies. Save the niece.
Or he dies. Exactly.
He did say, I'm getting you better. In the movie, he said, I'm going to make him save the niece or he dies.
That was one of the scenes. That's very good.
Very good. You're actually two for two.
Ah, another classic. Another classic.
Do you know who Clint Eastwood is? Do you know who that man is? No, but is his son the one in Suicide Squad? I forgot.

He's also handsome.

Jared Leto.

No.

Correct.

Jared Leto's the son.

That's right.

Yes.

What's his son's name?

What's his son's name?

That guy.

That guy.

That guy.

That's exactly right.

That's Clint Eastwood's son.

Oh, it's also Clint Eastwood.

Yeah, his name is Clint Eastwood, too.

Right.

Clint Eastwood Jr.

Clint Eastwood Jr. So let's go back to The Good, Bad, and the Ugly.
What is this movie about? Cowboys. Exactly.
That's exactly right. But what does this mean, The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly? There's a good cowboy, there's a bad, and then there's an ugly cowboy.
That's exactly right. That's kind of like this show.
Exactly like this show. Okay, next one.
This is what a classic. What a good one.
It was actually shot in another language. You know what other language it was shot in? And then it was translated into English.
You can see by looking. It's exactly shot in Italian.
Exactly. And so the guy in the center, what's his name? Well, there's the names up there.
Robert De Niro. So the guy in the center's name is Robert De Niro? Yeah.
The guy on the right? Joe. Yep, Joe.
I can't see the last name. Pepsi.
Joe Pepsi? Pepsi. Joe Pepsi.
And the guy to the left is? Ray Lota.

Lota.

Ray Lota. Ray Lota.

Ray Lota.

And Joe Pepsi.

Yeah.

And it's called Goodfellas.

And what is it about?

Also Mafia.

Exactly.

Also Mafia.

Yeah.

What are the relationships between these three?

Brothers.

That's right.

They're brothers.

By the way, triplets.

And what is, I know you know it's a Mafia movie, but what era? What's the time? Give us a time frame. Time? 1985.
Right, just about. Pretty much.
Just about. 1985, pretty much.
85, 86. And.
What city does it take place in? New York. New York.
Where else, but New York. And so one quick question.
The guy on the far left, Ray Lada, him and Joe Pepsi had a falling out at some point during the film. Because the middle guy, Bob De Niro, did what? What did he do to cause their falling out, those two guys on the other side? The middle guy killed that girl, but that girl is...
Those are old men no there's no girl there's no girl on the floor oh that's also a man that's a man oh it could be a woman that's a woman maybe they're gays maybe they're gays yep and we and we know you would serve them yeah happily happily uh what film. You've never seen this either? Jesus.
Great movie. So Jack Nicholson.
Yeah. Do you know who that is? No.
Laker Game? No. You don't know who Jack Nicholson is? Courtside, Laker Game, crazy here? I've heard about his name, but I don't know.
I'm sure you've seen him in some social reference, right? You can't name any other movie that Jack Nicholson was in?

No.

Oh.

So one flew over the?

The Cuckoo's Nest?

The Cuckoo's Nest.

The Cuckoo's Nest.

Now, what do you think this is about?

He's looking up there in the sky, smiling.

Yeah. I think it's similar to Dumb and Dumber.

Yep.

Yep.

Exactly.

That's a comedy.

It's a comedy.

Yeah. Right? And he- What happens's a comedy.
It's a comedy.

Yeah.

Right.

And he... What happens in this comedy?

What's the setting

in this comedy?

Like where does it take place?

They're in prison.

They're in prison again.

Again.

And then he finds

someone who is dumber.

Uh-huh.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

And then they try to escape. They try to escape the present.
But they do pranks. They do pranks.
Do pranks. To escape.
Fart gags. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Home Alone fart gags? Yeah.
A couple of BBs raining down from the sky. I like it.
Next movie. Honestly, you're killing it.
She already saw this. I saw this.
Oh, you did see Sansa? Great. How about this one? Wait, go back to Silence of the to silence of the lens what is it about it's about she saw it huh we saw it together yeah yeah it's about a serial killer yeah and wait wait i forgot no yeah it's a serial killer and then this girl investigates the guy.

Uh-huh.

Is it this movie?

What?

I forgot already.

The smoothie?

What do you mean?

Is it this movie where the girl interrogates the serial killer and then the guy escapes?

I forgot already.

Okay.

You're not going to know the next one.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, if you forgot that movie, as powerful as that was,

something tells me you're not going to be able to just guess

what Casablanca is about.

Go ahead.

Do you know where Casablanca is?

Casablanca?

Is it a casino?

Yes. In what city? What city? Las Vegas.
Las Vegas. And if you go to Las Vegas now, there's the beautiful Casablanca Hotel and Casino.
And Spa. And Spa.
Yeah. Yeah, and it's right there on the strip in the middle of everything.
Right, right next to MGM, I think. Yeah.
And who's in it? Bogert. Bogert's in it.
Yep. Who else? Bergman.
Bergman. Bergman's in it.
Bergman's in it. Birdman, the rapper's in it.
Yeah. Henryel.
Henryel. Henryel.
Henryel. He's a soccer player.
Yep. Henryel.
Henryel's a Henry-el. He's a soccer player.
Yep.

Henry-el.

Henry-el's a soccer player. Henry-el's a soccer player.

So in this movie, just a quick little thing.

He's got a gun there.

You see that.

Is he protecting all those people behind him?

Or is he out to get some of those people behind him?

I think he's protecting the woman, but not the other guys.

Very, very good.

Very, very good.

Because the guy in the top right is a, you can see him over his hat. He's a he's J.
With a J. Jew.
Yep. Yes.
There it is. Jew.
Yes. Correct.
That's what the movie's about. Yep.
Jimmy's store. I've never heard of this.
Rear window. What do you mean? You've never heard of this? It's a guy.
Oh, wait. The director.
All right. Who directed it? It says it.
It says it. Alfred Hitchcock.
Have you heard of him? No. This is the only movie he did.
Yeah, he only did one movie. That's fine.
And then he died in a car accident. Yeah.
All right. So Alfred Hitchcock.
We don't know much about him Almost nothing really

Really

No one really knows much about him

He did one movie

Got out of film school

You know what I mean

He

So 15

Directors

Turned this movie down

Right

And Alfred Hitchcock

This guy

You know

Skinny guy

Brand new

Brand new

Young guy

Right

He directs this movie

And he dies in a car accident

And what do you think

Happens in this movie

It's pretty easy to tell

Because this poster

Is pretty

Is pretty

They paint a good picture. Look at the poster and what happens in this film? The guy is stalking the girl.
Yes. Exactly.
And what happens to her? Look at that big thing on the right. What happens to her? Where? Look at the big thing next to him.
What is that tall thing? A building? Yeah. What happens to her? What happens to her? She falls? She falls.
Because look at the blue in next to him what is that tall thing a building yeah what happens to her she falls she falls cause look at the blue in that see up there in the blue yeah right look at her blue dress yeah he was a peeping Tom he was spying on her and her last line is I should have stood so close to the rear window and then dead but maybe he pushed her't give it away. Don't give it away.
Oh, boy. Oh, this is a good one.
We've talked about it on this show an awful lot. A lot of times, this movie.
Okay. You've seen this? Have you seen this? No.
What's it called? Apocalypse Now. Yes.
What happens? What's the setting? They're in Africa. Exactly.
Well, part of Africa. How did you know from the poster? It kind of looks like it.
That's actually a good call. Pretty good.
If you name the country, we can move on. What country does this take place in, in Africa? Nigeria.
That's the one. That's the one.
And good thing he did. Here we go.
Iria, not the other one. Look who's back.
Who's that actor? Look who's back. Look who's cuckoo.
Look who's cuckoo. Who's the guy? Who's the guy? Here's Rudy.
I don't know. No, we saw him before.
I know. I said, have you heard of him before? Alfred Hitchcock.
It's Alfred Hitchcock. It's Alfred Hitchcock.
There he is. There he is.
It's Alfred Hitchcock. And that's the shinning.
Yeah. And now what's this movie about? The shinning? The shinning.
Yeah. Shinning.
It's not the shine? No, it's shinning. Shining? Shining.
No. There's two N's in shining.
This is the shinning. This is the shinning.
And in the shinning, of course. In the shinning, what happened? You can tell right away.
It's so easy. Look.
What's exposed on his mouth? You see his teeth, right? What's it about? Shinning. Yeah.
Yeah, his teeth. If you go get a shinning, you're going to get your What's a shinning?

Try to make it up

then. What do you think it is?

This is one

of those movie posters where

it's so obvious what it is.

Just say it. Very simple.

He either

watches girls

in the bathroom

or he eats metal. The answer is B.
Yeah, yeah. He eats the metal.
He eats the metal. What's shitting? Yeah, yeah.
You have to Google it. You have to watch the movie.
You have to watch the movie, actually. Rudy, that was incredible.
That was incredible. Give her a round of applause.
That was amazing. Yeah.
Did you ever see Gran Torino? I loved it. Now, could that come out right now? No.
That would be a stop Asian hate movie that would get- I think that, oh yeah, that would definitely, but you know what? Get off my lawn, you Asians. Did he say racial epithets in the movie? I brought my parents to that movie.
You did? Yeah, and my dad halfway through the movie goes, I don't feel comfortable. Yeah.
I'm being real. No, I mean- He didn't like it.
Grant Torino's- My mom loved it though. Denounces anti-Asian slurs.
Well, they use it in the movie. Yeah.
So when we talk about this stuff, think about like this. Tarantino says the N-word in Pulp Fiction.
What do you do with this? You're okay with it? Do they need to cut that out now because of what's going on? I think that- But who says the n-word into oh yeah they do he does he does say it yeah pretty pretty on the nose yeah he does say it he said does there a sign on this outside of my outside of my driveway that says dead n-word parking parking yeah storage dead n-word storage yeah that's right yeah that's right have you seen you've seen this movie right you did yeah but forgot about it already. It was a long time ago.
Bring up the picture of the four cast members there, please. Who are they? Who are these people? The actor's names.
John Travolta. Very good.
And then the girl. I know she's in Kill Bill.
Yes. Another Tarantino movie.
The guy to the right is? I think he was in a racing movie. I don't know.
Yes. That famous racing movie.
Which movie? Fast and the Furious. Fast and the Furious.
There he is. Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel, right there.
By the way. Yeah.
it does look like fucking the diesel right there honestly he really does look like yeah did you fart no does that what rudy i didn't fart so defensive yeah because it smells in here and did you fart for real i didn't your eyes i didn. I didn't fart.
Because I think you did. Did you fart? Be honest.
I promise. Because last night we had deep dish pizza and I can't eat it anymore.
Why? Because, you know, the one with the mozzarella cheese and then the ricotta cheese. Oh, it's so good.
It's so good. I know, but I'm lactose intolerant.
Take a pill. Maybe.
Take a lactate. But she was taking a shower, and I go, I'll just go to the bathroom downstairs.

She goes, no, I like it when you shit when I'm taking a shower.

What?

Yeah, and I go, you do?

I do.

Absolutely not.

So I'll sit there and shit while she's in the shower.

She loves it.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You guys are perfect for each other.

Yeah, so I'm shitting, and I'm...

What?

And she's like, oh, that was a groovy one. Yeah.
She likes that in the same room? Yeah, it's crazy. Do you take showers together? We used to.
We have. Have you? Today.
Oh, yeah. We have.
We do it all the time. But do you pee when you get in the shower? Oh, yeah.
Do you pee in the shower? Me too. Andres, do you pee in the shower? No, we talk about it.
No. We already talked about it on this show? Yep.
Oh, I didn't know. What do you do, Gab? Do you pee in the shower? we talk about it no we already talked about on this show yep oh i didn't know what do you do gab do you pee in the shower yeah of course everybody does everyone normal pees in the shower and i pee on her sometimes um thank you for being a bad friend i wipe my ass from that back to the front wipe like that? Don't you ever get it on your balls? I think Aliyah said his dick's...
That's why his dick smells. It's like poop.
Why don't you just get baby wipes? No, I always... For some reason, I'm getting fat now.
I didn't always do that. But this just started out of nowhere? No, because I'm getting fat, so it's like I can't get my little...
Why don't you lean up? Get up. I can't.
You can't get up. I can't always do that.
But this just started out of nowhere. Because I'm getting fat.
So it's like I can't get my little.

Why don't you lean up?

Get up.

I can't.

You can't get up.

I can't get my hand to my asshole.

We should get a rail for you to hold on to on the wall.

No, but I can do this for some reason.

My asshole's like closer to.

My taint's very.

Small.

Small.

Small taint.

Small runway.

So it's like, yeah, I can get my hand to my asshole that way.