Immortal Kombat

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Speaker 1 Hey, bad friends.

Speaker 1 Bob is not on the road right now, but I am. Go to AndrewSantino.com for dates.
AndrewSantino.com for them tour dates. I'm going to be in Atlantic City at the end of the month.

Speaker 1 Then I go to Houston and Madison and Boston and Nashville. And we're adding dates as we go.
Be on the lookout. But go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets.
You two are bad friends.

Speaker 1 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 you know the comedy stores opening they call you they call they send me text messages and phone calls yeah yeah they're opening up i'm not coming back next week i'm not coming back why aren't you until after the pandemic after i come back from europe right well because you want to go to right that's why i haven't written anything

Speaker 1 in a year i have not written anything a year i have a pink video

Speaker 1 that was a good one real good one it's a good joke you're in a bad mood no i'm not in a bad mood i can tell you know what you get more yeah I can tell. It's in your eyes and your cheeks.

Speaker 1 Be honest. What's going on?

Speaker 1 Are you annoyed that we were late? No, not at all. Actually, I wasn't.
I didn't even. Did I mention it? And I'm annoyed that she's yawning.
So, what's going on?

Speaker 1 People couldn't stop asking about Rudy at the show. I'm not kidding.

Speaker 1 I'm literally not making that up. Yeah, yeah.
I'm not, I'm not saying, no, that has nothing to do with what my. I'm not saying I'm in a bad mood.
How many people do you think? Were in the room?

Speaker 1 Now, how many people were asking about Rudy? If I'm being genuine after the show, I took some questions after the show. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 13 people every single show.

Speaker 1 What's Rudy going to do?

Speaker 1 Are you guys going to get Rudy gone? Who's going to fill in? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Everybody asked, and I said, it's none of your business. We'll figure it out how we have to figure it out.
It's so funny because today we had dinner for the first time at a restaurant, and Kalila.

Speaker 1 Which one?

Speaker 1 Jinya? Ooh, I love Jinya ramen. No, not ramen.
No? Hamburgers.

Speaker 1 They have offshoot hamburgers. Oh, they do? Yeah, cheeseburgers.
Delicious. Wow, cool.

Speaker 1 They put some umami sauce on it. China cheeseburger.
Yeah, it's delicious. Actually, the title of the break.
No, the ramen plate. The ramen was good.
Was it good? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But anyway, who, can I finish my story? A bad mood? Shoot.

Speaker 1 I'm not in a bad mood. How am I in a bad mood? I can tell in your eyes.

Speaker 1 I can tell with your eyes. What's going on? You didn't sleep well? You know me well.
I know. What's going on? I haven't been getting any sleep.
Yeah, you'd look tired and just like on the edge.

Speaker 1 I'm having night sweats. Oh.

Speaker 1 And I think it's because of the vaccine. I'm being serious.
Night sweats? Night sweats. That's nice.
I looked it up. It's part of it.
Oh. Night sweats.

Speaker 1 And one of my testicles disappears into my body in the middle of the night. It'll go up into my body.
That's happened to me. And I'll have to go and it'll go.
That happened to me all my life.

Speaker 1 It just disappears? It's just gone. It's never been there.
Which one? Right or left? Both of them are just tucked inside my fucking dick. Do you know how they feel like they're on strings?

Speaker 1 I feel like it just crawls up the string at night and it lets go sometimes. Yeah.
But it feels so strange in my body.

Speaker 1 How many wrinkles do you have? Oh, my nuts? Yeah. It's the, it's, I mean, it's my nuts are so wrinkled.
You You can't, I can't count. How could you? I counted it.
362. 362? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mine looks like a brain. It's just like, yeah, yeah.
It's just a rolls up like seaweed.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's seaweed.
Mine's bad. Mine's like.
Is your stretchy? I call it dune because there's like a little gigant sneeze snakes.

Speaker 1 You know, that little monster? A little snake comes out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Too many people asked about you. That's all I want to say.
It was annoying. And then everyone was like, tell us what school she's going to go to.
And I said, we're going to reveal it on the show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Just wait till we get to we're going to reveal it do you want to reveal it we haven't decided yet

Speaker 1 yet

Speaker 1 anyway so we were at the restaurant can i finish my jinya story or what yeah thank you bad mood um i'm not in a bad mood see i can tell already i love it andres am i in a bad mood absolutely yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 go ahead so um we were at ginya and kalala goes you know what um juliana that's her real name yeah rudy all right rudy rudy juliana yeah rudy juliana um

Speaker 1 you should have a waiting job And I go, please. Oh, that'd be cool.
I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.
Because

Speaker 1 have you waited tables? Dude, I've done obviously. I did busing.
I did serving. I did hosting.
I did dishwashing. Yeah, you

Speaker 1 slammed, right? Yeah. For like

Speaker 1 an eight-hour shift. I mean, you're just, you know, especially at a busy restaurant, you get a section, right? Yeah.
As a waiter. Yeah.
And it's like ketchup here, Tabasco here.

Speaker 1 I got an order coming up here. I said no tomato.
They want their check. And you're running around in a circle for eight hours.
Losing.

Speaker 1 Like a mania. Yeah.
What the fuck, what the fuck? You know what I mean? And then at the end of the day, you get

Speaker 1 $90.

Speaker 1 Maybe. Maybe.
Maybe. Maybe.
Right? This ungrateful little twin.

Speaker 1 Don't. Right.

Speaker 1 But you sit here, you yawn. Yeah, she does.
Right. You say three things, like, I agree to Andrew or whatever.
And then sometimes out of nowhere, she'll go, the Jews.

Speaker 1 Then you're like, whoa, whoa, crazy. What? Too far.
But my point is, is that I want her to have a waiting job. Yeah, you need one.
So that she can just realize how lucky she is. How lucky she is.

Speaker 1 All right, well, let's do it right now. I'm a customer.

Speaker 1 My husband and I just sat down to eat. Yeah.
Why don't you serve us? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hello. Hello.
Hi. Do you have any specials? Yes, we have the apple cider salad.
Oh, you love apple cider salad.

Speaker 1 I love it. You love apple cider.
You used to have it in France. That's your favorite.
Yeah. I love how they pigment

Speaker 1 the lettuce. They dip it, right? They dip it in the lettuce, that the apple cider.
Yep, there's another 24 hours. There it is.
Delicious. Is that a real salad?

Speaker 1 That's an autumn chopped apple cider salad. Yeah, yeah.
And what else? Do you have a salad for?

Speaker 1 We have the

Speaker 1 carnitas. Yep, carnitas.

Speaker 1 I love carnitas. What does that come with?

Speaker 1 Tacos.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you get tacitas. You get tacos with the carnitas? What kind of taco? So do you get carnitas just a plate of carnitas? You get two things.
You get tacos

Speaker 1 and Carnitas. Wow.
Wow. All right.
How much is that?

Speaker 1 $13.

Speaker 1 $13.

Speaker 1 Both things. We could split it.
Pretty reasonable, actually. We could split that.
So

Speaker 1 we'll split the apple cider salad and then we'll also split the carnitas and the tacos. Yeah, the tacos.
Anything else on the

Speaker 1 special menu? Do you want drinks? Yeah,

Speaker 1 what do you have to offer? We're not really into. We're a couple, obviously.
Clearly. Yeah, and him.
I like gays.

Speaker 1 What? She said, I like gays. I know, but you know what? That's so...
We're fine with that. You're lucky we're fine with that.
Yeah, but generally, if you shouldn't say that to you.

Speaker 1 If we were a black couple, right?

Speaker 1 You shouldn't say, I love blacks. Right.
Even if you do, and that's fine that you do, but you just don't go, I like blacks.

Speaker 1 Internally, you can feel that, but to outwardly say that, we're cool with the gay comment, though. We're fine.
How can I show that I like you? Just be nice to us. Yeah, just be nice.

Speaker 1 And because we're normal. We're just regular regular people.
Yeah. Right.
So don't treat us any different. So you have, we ordered those two things.

Speaker 1 So in terms of drinks, we're not into sugar right now. We're not on a sugar.
We're cutting sugar right out of our diet.

Speaker 1 Water.

Speaker 1 It said, well, we want to fancy it up because this is an, what is this restaurant called again?

Speaker 1 This is what is

Speaker 1 the menu.

Speaker 1 Totijuanas. Oh, toto tijuanas.
Toto tijuanas. I love toto tijuanas.
This is a chain, right? Yeah, yeah. Gain.
It started in El Paso.

Speaker 1 There was two in El Paso, and then one in Albuquerque, and then I think that's why they came here where we are at Totoana. In Southern California.
It's so delicious.

Speaker 1 Well, so here at Toto Tino Juanas, do you have anything else to drink that wouldn't be water? Yeah.

Speaker 1 We have something similar to water.

Speaker 1 Which is what? Which is what?

Speaker 1 Spring water. Oh, spring water.

Speaker 1 Spring water here. Wow, fancy.
That's cool. We do like that.

Speaker 1 We love spring water. We'll take it a bucket of that.
We'll take a bucket of spring water. We'll take a bucket of spring water, please.
Yeah. Okay.
And do you have any desserts?

Speaker 1 We like to order dessert when we're ordering the whole meal. Yeah.
Because they like it on the table to look at

Speaker 1 what's coming. To give us a reward.

Speaker 1 We just have chocolate pot pie.

Speaker 1 A chocolate pot pie. Perfect.

Speaker 1 Perfect.

Speaker 1 It just seems like a lot of sugar.

Speaker 1 We are cutting out sugar. Yeah, we're cutting out sugar.
But desserts are full of sugars. Well,

Speaker 1 we've been to plenty of restaurants that don't have

Speaker 1 sugar desserts. I mean, something light.
Do you have anything lighter than a chocolate pot pie? Oh, yeah. And what's in the chocolate?

Speaker 1 Let me ask you. Can I ask you this question? What's it chocolate?

Speaker 1 Is it a chicken pot pie? So it's basically the crust of a pie pie. Inside, it's just pure

Speaker 1 chocolate. Yeah, melted chocolate.

Speaker 1 The chef will give you a surprise and put potatoes and...

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like they do. That winning combination of potatoes and chocolate that everybody strives for.
Yeah, yeah, potato chocolate. Okay, well listen, that's fine.
Do you have something lighter?

Speaker 1 Look, he's not, but I'm on a diet and I'd like to shed some pounds. And that's why he agreed to do the sugar thing with me, which was sweet of him.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, just because you like gays, he is literally the bottom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, he's the bottom, so he doesn't really need to lose the weight. We like to call it the first layer.
I'm the first layer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm the first layer.

Speaker 1 So I just would like to lose a little bit of weight. Okay.
So what else do you have that's lighter dessert-wise? Salad ice cream. Ah.

Speaker 1 Salad ice cream. Just salad with ice cream on top? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What flavor ice cream is on top? Yeah. Strawberry.
Ah, strawberry salad ice cream.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you this. So it's a lettuce cup, and you scoop ice cream into it? Yeah.
It tastes good. You know, there it is.
There's that salad ice cream that you like so much. I like so much.
Well,

Speaker 1 I guess we'll take those items. Take those items.
Thank you. Okay, and now we're done.
We're done now. Okay, ready? And can we have the check, please?

Speaker 1 Here you go. Ah, thank you very much.
Whoa, what

Speaker 1 it's excuse me. $425.

Speaker 1 How could we have? We got literally a salad, Carnitas tacos, yeah, we got the and the ice cream salad. The spring water is

Speaker 1 you ordered a bucket? Yeah, we did. Yeah, of spring water.
So a bucket of, let me ask you. So a bucket of spring water at this restaurant

Speaker 1 is $129.

Speaker 1 $135.55. It's a five-year-old.
$135, $55. Wow.
I guess. And where's this water from?

Speaker 1 From Mount Everest.

Speaker 1 Oh, that explains. That explains it.
I wish you told us that up front. We probably

Speaker 1 got the regular water, maybe. You said you wanted fancy.

Speaker 1 We did want fancy. Yeah.
It just, okay. I don't.
The one thing I don't like on here, you know, sometimes servers will sign their name. They'll write like, thanks, Margo, with like a heart in it.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah.
This one says, thanks, you guys.

Speaker 1 I know. Why? I try to repass that, but.
Look,

Speaker 1 it's fine that you feel that way and that you're cool with us, but, you know.

Speaker 1 Listen, I'll be honest with you, we're not, we just didn't realize that Tiotijuana, was it Tioti Auwana? Ti Ti Tijuana. Tijuana.

Speaker 1 Toto Tijuana is so expensive, and we only have $430.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so

Speaker 1 we're going to leave you whatever the tip, whatever the

Speaker 1 change is left over. Is that okay? Is it okay? That's fine.
I support gaze.

Speaker 1 You know what? Can I talk to your manager? Honey, honey. Honey, honey, honey.
I want to talk to you, honey. No, because

Speaker 1 that's the third time she said that.

Speaker 1 Let's not talk to the manager. We'll just call corporate.
Okay, that's fine. We'll call corporate.
I just want to say something, sweetie.

Speaker 1 Sweetie, you just crossed the line. That's the first time, the first time, right, was okay.
We were going to let that pass. Then you threw one in there.

Speaker 1 In the middle of everything, right? And now to add a third one is offensive. Not necessary.
I was just saying, it's fine.

Speaker 1 No, let's talk to the manager. Let's talk to the manager, please.
Ah, here he is now. There she is.

Speaker 1 Is there any problem? Here's the manager now. Oh, there he is.
Any problems?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, your waiter mentioned.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 we mentioned that we were a gay couple. Oh,

Speaker 1 we support gays in this restaurant. We get it.
We understand. We know that.
It comes from the top.

Speaker 1 It comes from the top. I know.
You can feel it. It's trickled down.

Speaker 1 Trickle down racism. Oh, no.
Homophobia. Homophobia, yeah.

Speaker 1 All right, so, sir, she she multiple times during our meal had mentioned that she liked gays, which we understand that's a cool, that's fine, we like that, but I don't think she needs to bring up our sexuality during the dinner.

Speaker 1 Also, because I just was a side note, why is Spring Water $125? That should have been my first question. Yeah, that should have been.
It comes from Mont Everest.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I guess that's that. I guess that's that.
That makes sense. Anyway, so, and then, so she threw in a gay bomb, I mean, in the middle three times.
Three times.

Speaker 1 The third one was a little offensive. Oh, I'm so sorry.
Rudy Jules, can I talk to you for a second? Okay. You don't tell them that you like them.
You just like smile, and that's it. That's right.

Speaker 1 But you said to express love. Yeah, but with a smile, you know, good service.
That's it.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Is there like a gay discount that you guys might have to make up for some of what you just did? Like, do we. We do have a gay discount, 20% off.
If you can prove that you're gay. You know what?

Speaker 1 Can I just say something? If you can prove. Oh, you want us to prove that we're gay?

Speaker 1 Can you imagine this restaurant?

Speaker 1 Can you imagine this restaurant? You have to prove you're. By the way, I imagine in a restaurant, a couple walking,

Speaker 1 a couple sitting down and enjoying, and Rudy comes up and just goes, I love gays. Yeah.
No, we're fucking. Let me say something.
We do a lot of gay stuff, and I just feel like that whole scene.

Speaker 1 We don't do a lot of gay stuff. We do.
We're always a gay couple. We're always fucking.
Right. And we're always doing something.
Is this a fantasy?

Speaker 1 I understand that, but let's, you know, can we be something else like hermaphrodites?

Speaker 1 Sure, fine. Or what is a hermaphrodite? you're born with both genitalia let's just do that

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 let's try that but not right now because we already did this scene but if we're lucky

Speaker 1 i know but the next scene okay the problem is not be gay okay good luck yeah we're we're brothers but we both happen to be hermaphrodites and sometimes we kiss yeah sometimes but that's just you know in a family that's family stuff that's yeah yeah that's like to say goodbye yeah we fucking kiss but that that's family stuff that's family stuff that makes sense But for us to always say that we're gay, I just feel like

Speaker 1 it's not that. It's not that.
It's just because we're two guys that host this and Rudy Jules is the resident queen of the pod here. Yeah.
When we're in a relationship on the

Speaker 1 but why aren't we pirates? Ah, you know what I mean? Because we're gay guys. Oh, yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 Look at this, by the way.

Speaker 1 Look at what Gaps Gaps has brought up on the screen here.

Speaker 1 Honestly,

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 1 just is a

Speaker 1 tramp.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you look like somebody that, like,

Speaker 1 I'm a heroin dealer.

Speaker 1 I'm in a small town, right? Somewhere in Massachusetts. Right.
And you look like somebody that says, I just don't have the money.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, you know what I mean? Well, what are we going to do about it? And I'm like,

Speaker 1 you know, I need to get something out of it, that kind of a situation. I'm like, well, what do you want?

Speaker 1 And then you, you propose something that's like out of control like i'll i'll stick gerbils in my vagina right right and i'm like i didn't offer that but i did yeah yeah so can i have the heroin yeah i'll throw i need the h bad yeah this actually these two girls go out together

Speaker 1 these two girls go out and party at night if you were a drug addict what um what drug would i be no no no but like like if you and i were on crack

Speaker 1 what is your line what do you mean well like we're street people yeah you and i are street people okay

Speaker 1 Right. We're living under our tent.
Yeah, we're in the way. Under a bridge.
Under the freeway. Under the freeway.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We need heroin eight hours a day. Every eight hours we need it.
Yeah, our kick. We got to get our fix.
Oh, we start going to detox, right? Right. So what are you willing to do?

Speaker 1 Honestly, though, what would you be willing to do? Kill. You would? I don't want to do sex favors.
Would you suck dick or kill? I don't want to do sex favors. I'd rather be the murderer.
You, I know.

Speaker 1 You're not killing anybody. I'm not killing nobody.
No, no. You're too much of a sweet boy.
I'm stabbing for sure for heroin. but then you'll go to prison.

Speaker 1 I know, but it's better that, well, and then I'll have to smoke dick there, so it's like I'll get over it at some point. Yeah, yeah, I don't want to, I just don't want to do.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, that's Rudy as a duty. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 There's Carlos Santilius.

Speaker 1 He's one of the members of the band. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Rudy, look at what you look like as a dude. Why do you look like a Mexican guy?

Speaker 1 You look like what? We had Gilbert. You look like Gilbert a little bit.
Yeah, a little bit, yeah. I think you look like a Mexican guy there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow. Let me ask you something.
Last night, we were watching the fights. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we did. But there were many nights ago.

Speaker 1 Two weeks ago. A couple weeks ago.
Three weeks ago.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You were watching the fights? We were in there watching the fights. And

Speaker 1 I kind of got a fight with the people in the house because let me just say this. I got slapped in the face, by the way.
Who hit you in the face? Kalila.

Speaker 1 Like backhanded in my face. Hard?

Speaker 1 She was going to go really hard, but she kind of held back a little bit. But I could tell, but there was an anger.
You saw it, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's because, um,

Speaker 1 you know, Rose Nami Yunas fought Wei Li. Yeah.
The Chinese one. Correct.
Right? Love Chinese people. Yep.
I'm Asian. Stop Asian hate.
I'm not doing it. Okay, go ahead.
But I was

Speaker 1 rooting for Rose.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 Rose does things that

Speaker 1 she seems like she does does the impossible. Like

Speaker 1 when she beat Johanna Yanjechek the first time,

Speaker 1 it was, there's no, in your mind,

Speaker 1 she was never going to beat her.

Speaker 1 Right? I mean, because Johanna was just tearing through that division. And,

Speaker 1 you know, Johanna fought, not Johanna, Rose fought people like Paige Van Sant and people that were even in the sim in the same category. Category.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Johanna was the queen of the Strawweight division.

Speaker 1 Beat her. Yep.
Knocked her out in the first round.

Speaker 1 And so in this one, it's like, you know, here we have Wei Li, who's like this buff monstrosity of

Speaker 1 jacked, right? Just Chinese. So she's, you know, you just think that her work ethic is probably out the window.
You know what I mean? Right.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 Rose is, you know, obviously not the betting favorite. You know, people.

Speaker 1 think she's going to lose.

Speaker 1 And she was able to knock her out in the first round with a kick. Do you see that kick? It was pretty, it was pretty amazing.
It was incredible. Right.
Kicks to the face.

Speaker 1 And the neck area. Oh, my God.
She falls over. She gets, she loses, Wayley.
And I, yeah, you know, I go, you know, I'm a poor winner. You love it.
I'm a poor winner.

Speaker 1 You are a poor, you're a poor loser. You're a, you're just as poor of a winner as you are a loser.
I'm a poor and everything. You're poor.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I went.

Speaker 1 You know, I went. You were rubbing it in.
Yeah. And I, I think I

Speaker 1 did a, you know what I mean? I did a fucking dance move, like a swirl.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean? And then, I told you, and I went crazy. I told you.
I told you. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And instigated.
Yeah. You know,

Speaker 1 I went to people's faces. Wow.
I went, yeah, you know, I went crazy, right?

Speaker 1 And she just went pop in my head. Good.
And she goes, and she goes, you know, are you white?

Speaker 1 Are you white? Yeah, because I supported the white one. Ah.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like in a situation. You support a lot of whites.

Speaker 1 Now, when she said that, right, I go, maybe I am. Yeah, maybe you are.
No, no, but.

Speaker 1 But am I?

Speaker 1 A little. Why? Well, because you support a lot of whites.
Yeah, but it's like, why do I have to, as an American citizen? As an American citizen, why can't I... You can choose whoever you want.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why can't I root for the American? I'm an American. You can.
Right? But because I'm Asian, I have to vote. I have to root for the fucking China Chinese.
China should be your angle. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You should just want to go with the Asian. Right.
So what I'm saying, like, if you're watching a sport. I have to root for Conor McGregor.
I don't have a choice. You do? Every time I had to.

Speaker 1 No. Even when I thought I shouldn't.
No, really? Because it's like a thing. You're like, ah, it's a pride for a country a little bit.
That's why they wave the flags at every UFC event.

Speaker 1 They always have their flags there. Yeah.
It's just, it's like you're supposed to a little bit. Huh.

Speaker 1 I don't know why. I don't like it, but it's like something inside you is like, I guess I should root for my own squad.
Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 If it's racist, if it's like, if it's like all about the race of it, but if it's about the nationality,

Speaker 1 then you kind of got to root for your national team. I mean, you're American, but like.

Speaker 1 But like what?

Speaker 1 But, you know,

Speaker 1 you're also Asian.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm American, but I'm also Irish. So like, you know, I gotta be.
You're Italian. I'm both.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But there's no Italian.
Who are the UFC Italian fighters that I'm rooting for? I want to live in a world where that's not a factor. I would love that.

Speaker 1 Put your hand down. I would love that.
Don't do that. I would love that.
Fuck you. But that's not possible.
I know. You're talking about a utopian society.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 can't we? Because let me just say. What are you, a liberal? No, no.
What are you, a Libby cuck? Listen. Snowflake? That's why I loved Star Trek.

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Speaker 1 Star Trek lived in a world where, you know, everybody,

Speaker 1 people on planet Earth, there was no more money anymore. Right.
Right. And people just

Speaker 1 strive to better themselves. But you love money.
Just listen to what I'm saying, okay? I know. And maybe these are aspects I hate about myself.
Correct. So just listen to what I'm saying, right?

Speaker 1 Okay, go ahead. So it's like, you know,

Speaker 1 you know, in that that world, you know, where our whole objective is to explore, to grow, and

Speaker 1 to discover things about within ourselves and also on the outside. Right, but who's paying for the gas for the spaceship?

Speaker 1 Just the planet Earth. Right.
And I don't think it runs on gas. What does it run on? You think there's a gas station up there? There's got to be.
In the Romulan fucking...

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 what force does it run on?

Speaker 1 Hope? No, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, dilithium crystals. Who gets it? Who's mining the dilithium crystals? Uh-huh.
Mexicans.

Speaker 1 For sure, Mexicans.

Speaker 1 Even in outer space. In space, yeah, you're right.
You're trying to get to a point. Yes, you're right.
Yeah. But I just want to get to a point where it's like, you know.

Speaker 1 I understand what you're saying. I don't think you do.
No, I do. I think you're saying that you wish that stuff didn't

Speaker 1 mean mean as much as it does.

Speaker 1 You know, there's also a sense of guilt of like, you know, am I not supportive of other, like, when I'm, I'm not, when Asians get beat up on the streets it's offensive to me of to me sure

Speaker 1 and I want to fight that right and maybe and maybe if it was happening to another you know ethnicity it would still be appalling to me but not as appalling yeah well it's not going to affect you unless it literally right so that you know that you know but I still would be you know I mean it would affect me still you know but um you know I just found it interesting that it's like you know I can't you know me support a white person.

Speaker 1 You can. But then I get backlash.
But you do it privately. Within myself.
Right. You do it in myself.

Speaker 1 So when Whaley got knocked down. Correct.
I should have went, oh, oh, no.

Speaker 1 What? That kind of thing? That's so bad.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah.
Okay. You have to celebrate,

Speaker 1 you have to celebrate internally. Who did you support? Did you like the fights, Rude? Yeah, I liked it.
You liked fights. I supported Whaley.

Speaker 1 When Whaley got defeated, everyone was sad except Itobobi. That's why Atikala got really mad.
What did I do? What did I do?

Speaker 1 You were screaming and jumping. Yeah, yeah.
And then Atikala said that Rose said something racist to Whaley. What did she say? Oh, before

Speaker 1 you did that. All right,

Speaker 1 here we go. So what?

Speaker 1 She said,

Speaker 1 I guess

Speaker 1 her grandfather was

Speaker 1 Lithuanian. Okay.
And died from the communists. That's terrible.
He fell off a tower. What did the communists push him off a tower? I get, yeah, like Game of Thrones.
Cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a cool way to go. And then his, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 His, her grandfather fell off the tower and became a warg.

Speaker 1 And, you know, we could fly through a crow. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's pretty cool.
That's right. That's kind of cool.
But no,

Speaker 1 she was like, I want to defeat communism.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's

Speaker 1 about red. Better dead than red.
That was her thing

Speaker 1 to get behind. Sure.
I mean, but it's like, but that is kind of bullshit because it's like, what is Wayne Lee probably has no, I mean, you're born into a system. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 Where, you know, you have to

Speaker 1 abide by. It's like, it's like, you know, I'm sorry.
This is a comedy podcast. I'm just.

Speaker 1 Go for it, baby.

Speaker 1 But it's like, you know. You're saying she might not be communist.
No, it's like, you know, that's the 76 days where it showed the first 76 days of, you know, I mean, the COVID epidemic in Wuhan.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
And, you know, these villagers and these townspeople, they don't know what it is. They didn't have anything to do with

Speaker 1 this outbreak. They're just born into a town.
You're now a fisherman or whatever you might be working at a market. All of a sudden, you're sick.
You don't know what the fuck is going on.

Speaker 1 Whaley is the same with probably

Speaker 1 communism. I mean, she's just born into a system.
Yeah, system.

Speaker 1 The government knew, by the way. What do you mean? The Chinese government knew.
About what? About Corona. I know, but they didn't.
Do you think that it was a

Speaker 1 lab and they didn't tell the people not to tell anybody? They just didn't tell anybody when people were dying. They were trying to find a way to cover it up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Which is what our government does, the same fucked up shit, when they're like, we'll figure out a way to cover it up. How weird that the government now is acknowledging aliens.

Speaker 1 Do you not see all these reports now that they're like, they're open now about it? For all these years, they were like, that's a UFO. That's a fucking UFO.
And the government's like, no, it's not.

Speaker 1 And now, look up any article. they're like yeah okay it's a ufo well the little grays have been living with us probably about 70 years at least you know the little grays at least yeah

Speaker 1 at least the little grays are look up look up little grays

Speaker 1 little tinies i told you about my experience with the little grays didn't i no yeah have you been abducted no but i had an experience well what is it

Speaker 1 And you're not going to believe me. I'm going to, I'm in.
And I'm being, I'm really serious. I believe in aliens.
First of all, let me just say this.

Speaker 1 Today, obviously, my tone is very serious. It was for a minute, but we can get back to it.
No, no, no, but that's why you know that when I talk about the little grays, that I'm being serious.

Speaker 1 I can feel it. Thank you.
I can feel it. So a long time ago, I was 17 years old

Speaker 1 and I was in a rehab.

Speaker 1 First or second stint? It was my second one. Or third one.
It was my third one. Third time's a charm.
Yeah, yeah. I was at the McDonald's Center.
And I met this man. Wait, what? I didn't hear that.

Speaker 1 The McDonald's Center. Oh, the McDonald's Center.
Yeah. Like the McDonald's sponsors a rehab? Yeah.

Speaker 1 How's the food? Delicious.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're like, while you're kicking heroin, get diabetes.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So anyway, I met this man there, and he was like a 50-year-old man. He was in the, so I was in the kids' ward, the teenage drug rule ward.
Right. You're there for 45 days.

Speaker 1 And then it was an adult ward, but sometimes we would get together and go to meetings and whatnot. Right.

Speaker 1 So I met this man there, and

Speaker 1 his name is Tom.

Speaker 1 He was 50 years old or whatever. And I would go to these men's meetings.
I would run into this guy all the time. He looked like just a white

Speaker 1 accountant vibe. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 And one day, you know, sometimes there's this thing after an AA meeting where they go, you know,

Speaker 1 the meeting after the meeting, which is like, you know, all the guys or girls, they go to a restaurant and they socialize.

Speaker 1 Drink coffee, smoke cigarettes, eat all night. Yeah, you eat, right? I've seen you guys.
At Swingers, they used to do it all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. You don't like it.

Speaker 1 I just, I, I just, it just, uh, I can just, you can,

Speaker 1 no, go ahead. I just, when you walk in and they're, I'm like, hey, can we get the table in the back? You know, that, that corner of swingers I used to love.
And they're like,

Speaker 1 there's a group back there. I'm like, it's the fucking addicts.

Speaker 1 They're always valid. I know.
They're always valuable. And they're drinking coffee all night, so they're never going to give up.
They're never going to leave. They never leave.
No, I hate it.

Speaker 1 They always have the good taste.

Speaker 1 It's fine. Fucking addicts.
It's fine.

Speaker 1 Fucking addicts. I knew every time there's a group back there.
I'm like, goddamn. So anyway,

Speaker 1 so after, and sometimes when you go to a meeting,

Speaker 1 you go around to people and go, hey, you guys going to go out and eat? No.

Speaker 1 Oh, some people are like that. Right? And so one day I was at a meeting and that happened.

Speaker 1 You guys going to go in? Yeah, but no, no, we're going somewhere else.

Speaker 1 But Tom was there. This old guy.
He goes, I'll eat with you.

Speaker 1 And I'm 17. Okay.
So you go, all right, where do you want to go? He's like, I love eating with little boy.

Speaker 1 Let's go to the delicatessen delicatessen or whatever. A deli.
Yeah. I used to call it delicatessen.
Delicatessen. Yeah, so we go to the delicatessen.

Speaker 1 And we're just sitting there eating. And he goes, um,

Speaker 1 you know what I used to do, right?

Speaker 1 And I go, what? He goes, I used to work for the military, you know.

Speaker 1 And I go, oh, and I'm just eating like an omelette.

Speaker 1 I go, oh, that's interesting. You know what I mean? I'm can't wait to get out of there.

Speaker 1 He goes, they're after me. I love this guy.

Speaker 1 Why? I love this guy.

Speaker 1 He goes, they're after me why is it only white guys i don't know why it's okay and i'm scared now because you i'm from the suburbs yeah at this point i've never seen a black person

Speaker 1 so you think black people are after him no i don't know anything i don't know anything i don't know anything if i saw an american indian i would probably you mean cry with joy right pick up yeah i'm just like no no i'm just like i'm innocent you're yes yeah because all my drug dealings and stuff happened in powers

Speaker 1 from where i'm from tiny little neighborhood right Right, a little neighborhood. So I don't know anything outside this world.
Okay. Right.

Speaker 1 So I go, oh, cool. And he goes,

Speaker 1 in fact, they're after me. I go, oh, you know, I'm eating.
Yeah, okay. And he goes, I'm living on a van.

Speaker 1 And I go,

Speaker 1 and now I'm scared because I've seen TV shows. You know what I mean? This is where you die.
Yeah, and I know what happens to little boys and vans. Right.
He's like, finish your omelette. He goes,

Speaker 1 do you hear about the little grays?

Speaker 1 I know about the little grays, he said.

Speaker 1 And I go, and I'm like, what is now? You're interested. I don't know what is the little gray.
He goes,

Speaker 1 they live, they've been living amongst us for many, many years. They live underneath one.
I don't know. I don't remember which one.

Speaker 1 I was young, so I don't remember which, which military, you know what I mean, compound. Area 51? No, it wasn't Area 51.
It was somewhere in Virginia or whatever.

Speaker 1 And he goes, they live, you know what I mean, amongst themselves. They're little.
They can read. They have telepathy.

Speaker 1 They have kinetic powers and whatnot right yeah and um they live amongst us and i go oh and he goes i stole um files from the military that's why they're after me

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 1 that's what he says to me right so i go oh and he goes i could show you

Speaker 1 Why is he showing a 17-year-old boy? I do.

Speaker 1 It's during the day, though, too. And the parking lot's like, you know what I mean? Okay.
Packed. So he said, come out to the van.
Yeah, it's a very popular delicatessen. Come on out to the van.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I go to the van. Let me show you the files in the van.
Yeah. So he opens up the back door, right? And I see a mattress,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 And I'm

Speaker 1 now in a point where it's like, I know I can run. Right, you're outside.
Yeah. Also, he's an AA.
He's a nice guy. So

Speaker 1 now I'm not kidding you. On the side of this fucking van, right? There's a shotgun, guns, ammo.
Inside, yeah, inside, yeah. There's files, right? There's like a suit.
Yep. right? There's clothing

Speaker 1 in the corner of the van, right?

Speaker 1 I think there's like a little stove. Yep, he's got to eat.
He's got to eat, right? But it's like, you know, it looked like, you know, a zombie apocalypse van.

Speaker 1 It looks like a crazy person who steals little Asian boys and takes them in the van and sends these files in the village. That's not true.

Speaker 1 And he goes in the van, comes out with these military documents. As far as you know.
As far as I know. But, you know, I've never seen a military document before.
That's why.

Speaker 1 It looked legit with the stamps. Got to have a stamp.
What do you mean? Military always stamps stuff. Yeah, there's photographs.

Speaker 1 If there's anything you know about the military, they stamp photographs? Photographs. Cut to.

Speaker 1 So I see them, right? And I go, anyway, I gotta go home. I'm in school, right?

Speaker 1 So, you know, I go home.

Speaker 1 And then maybe a year later, I don't see him for a year. Tom's gone.
Yeah, I see him a year later. And now he looks different.

Speaker 1 His eyes are like bug-eyed.

Speaker 1 He's got like hair like this. Drugs? No.
Okay. Right? And he just looks skinny.
Drugs. And he looks fearful.
Drugs. Okay, I don't know.
Right.

Speaker 1 Don't make assumptions. Well, he was in AA when he went to the bottom.
You're just mad about the swingers. Go ahead.
You're mad about swingers. I know about it.
Okay, go ahead. Okay.

Speaker 1 I go, hey, man, how's it going? He goes, I don't have long left. Right.
Drugs.

Speaker 1 And then I never saw him again.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
This is drugs. No, the military.
No, but he died of drugs, not AI. The military got him.

Speaker 1 The alien heroine. The military.
The military. And was like,

Speaker 1 no, the military. The military.
You think the military little guys got him? Yeah, yeah. Look up UFO.
Look up government. Government admits UFO.
Don't hold your breath for a breakthrough.

Speaker 1 But still, the Department of Defense confirmed just. They're here.
But isn't it fucked up? They're here.

Speaker 1 Don't you remember when we were kids, when we were kids, all we ever heard was that we're like, that's bullshit. It's fake.
The government shut it down constantly, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 They used to be like, that's not true. There is no UFO.

Speaker 1 The moon landing was real. You know, they told us all these lies.
The earth is round. All these lies they've given us over the years.
I know. Look at she's yawning again.
I know.

Speaker 1 You need anger management classes. Sure.
Yeah. See what I'm saying? Here we go.
You're there. It's right here.
It's poor guy. You're going to cry.
You're going to cry, Ray. I wish I could cry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I haven't cried.
When was the last time you cried, Rudy?

Speaker 1 Last night?

Speaker 1 Yeah, she cried. Why did you cry? A movie.

Speaker 1 What movie did you see?

Speaker 1 Mortal Kombat.

Speaker 1 It was a love story. No, sub-zero.
No.

Speaker 1 What did you cry for? It was a love story.

Speaker 1 A walk to remember. Oh, I love A Walk to Remember.
Have you seen it? Yes. Have you seen this movie? Are you kidding me? No.
What a cute movie. What? It was good?

Speaker 1 It's really sweet.

Speaker 1 It's Mandy Moore. It's Mandy Moore.
And what's the guy's name?

Speaker 1 What a movie. A Walk to Remember.

Speaker 1 Do you even know what it's about? I don't like love stories. This is beautiful.
Mandy Moore. And what's his name? Shane West?

Speaker 1 Shane West.

Speaker 1 So Mandy Moore, Mandy Moore, Mandy Moore is Mandy Moore is paralyzed. She gets a what? Huh? From the neck down.
Why is it always the neck down? Why can't it be from the ears down?

Speaker 1 Well, because you can still feel your ears usually. Because this is two separate.
Oh, it is. I'm not a doctor.
So

Speaker 1 Mandy Moore, this movie gets in a

Speaker 1 tragic car accident right after high school. This is her high school boyfriend, right? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 She gets paralyzed from the neck down. Is this true? Yeah.
Okay. She gets paralyzed from the neck down, Mandy Moore.
Okay? Yeah. This, everyone goes off to college and does their thing.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, you know, she's, you know, she's totally bugged out in a wheelchair. She's Stephen Hawking, basically.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And everyone goes off to college. Now, now, this guy moves back into town because his mom is sick, right? So he comes back into town.
Years later. Years later.

Speaker 1 How many years? I think it's like five. What is it? Five or six years.
Five or six years. He moves back into town.
He comes back into this small little town. Yeah.
Okay. In Tennessee.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And he comes back and sees old Mandy and

Speaker 1 they form a love connection because of the loss of his mother and that Mandy herself had lost her mother as well in the car accident. Okay.
So then what happens, this is insane.

Speaker 1 You're not going to believe this. You're not going to believe this.

Speaker 1 He gets her to walk. He actually gets her to walk.
How?

Speaker 1 He creates us like he's a he's a

Speaker 1 character. Nothing.
It's just he knows the details.

Speaker 1 I did love this movie. Oh, you so he's I feel like he's making it up.
No, this is the movie. Yeah, it doesn't seem real to me.

Speaker 1 He's an engineer.

Speaker 1 It doesn't, because I'm saying he comes back, he falls in love with this girl. He's an engineer, right?

Speaker 1 He was an aerospace engineer, right? He comes back, he builds her a contraption to get her out of the chair, and it physically makes her walk on the beach for the first time.

Speaker 1 Let's be honest, so it's a walk to her, and she's physically walking on the beach together. Can I just ask you to

Speaker 1 ask you a question? What?

Speaker 1 Let's suppose. I've never seen this movie, but I want to see it.

Speaker 1 You've never seen it? No. Yeah.
So you were lying? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a great. But imagine her on the beach walking and he's machine operating a wild.
That was really good. That was really good.
So you never saw it. No, I never.
I have no idea what that movie is.

Speaker 1 I have no idea. What is it about, Rude? Yeah.

Speaker 1 The girl has a sickness. Cole told you.

Speaker 1 You knew that. Did you know that? These movies are all the same, Poppy.

Speaker 1 These are written in a format. Andres knows what this is because he went to film school with with the guy that probably wrote it.

Speaker 1 These guys all write the same movie.

Speaker 1 She's sick or he's sick and there's a family and there's a love connection and there's a guy that comes in the middle of it or someone else or her brother doesn't like him.

Speaker 1 These movies are, there's a billion of them. They're Hallmark.
You ever seen Hallmark films?

Speaker 1 Here's a Hallmark film. The guy goes, there's a girl in the big city and she moves back to small town or vice versa and it's like, oh, what's going on, big hot shot, big city hot shot?

Speaker 1 It's all the same. And then they find out that all they need is love and you don't need money or work and whatever.
And look at that.

Speaker 1 When Landon Shane West decides he wants to make this activity serious, he asks Jamie, Mandy Moore, to help and begins to spend most of his time with her.

Speaker 1 He starts to develop strong feelings for the two-star relationship, but the heartbreaking secret becomes known and puts their relationship to the test, which is, of course, she's sick, she's going to die, yada, yada.

Speaker 1 This is the same as a fucking, what's the Macaulay Kalka movie with the bees when stung by the bees? My girl. Killer bees.
My girl. Killer bees.

Speaker 1 So let me ask you. It's all the same movie.
But to me, just the premise in itself, I'm going to sound so bad right now, but just let's be honest with ourselves. I'm here.
All right.

Speaker 1 It's like if you're dating somebody in high school,

Speaker 1 you don't have the, you know, or even early 20s. And you're girl, like, I'm your girlfriend, let's suppose.
And I said, Are we gay for this part or not? No, no, no, I'm a girl for this, all right?

Speaker 1 Fine. All right, so can we be half homaphrodites? Yes, that's what I like.
Okay, okay. No, so you're dating, we're dating in high school, for real, go.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think I should be the guy because this is my point. Okay.
You be the girlfriend. That's fine.
That's fine. I'm secure enough.

Speaker 1 Hey, baby.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's up?

Speaker 1 How did the doctor appointment go? Wait a minute. I don't want to play that character like that.
That's cheesy. Yeah, yeah.
Go ahead. Do it again.
All right. Hey, sweetheart.
Hey, what up? No. Why?

Speaker 1 I don't like it. She's post-op.

Speaker 1 She's not post-op. No, no, no, no.
Because

Speaker 1 why can't I play the girl that I want to play? Can you just play?

Speaker 1 You're post-op? You want to play post-op? Just go again. That's fine.

Speaker 1 I got to go deeper, though. That's fine.
If you're going to go cheap, I got to go deeper. But you don't have a deep voice.
I'm going to try. All right, go ahead.

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Speaker 1 Hey, what's up?

Speaker 1 Man, I love you, boo. I love you, too.
So, what's going on?

Speaker 1 What was the doctor's apartment like? Pretty bad.

Speaker 1 I got three letters for you.

Speaker 1 H.

Speaker 1 H-I.

Speaker 1 V.

Speaker 1 H-I-V.

Speaker 1 That's what they said. Holy man.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 we've been fucking without counting. Oh, darling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, baby. Well, I'm your girl.

Speaker 1 You love me. Hold up.
So stay right here. Okay.
I want to make a phone call. You got it.
All right. Ring, ring.
Hello, doctor. Let's play the doctor.
Hello. Hi.
I think I need a HIV test.

Speaker 1 Okay, you can tomorrow. Okay, you can come.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll be free. Okay, so, um, okay.

Speaker 1 Baby? Yeah. I made a doctor's appointment okay yeah so anyway you died

Speaker 1 clearly

Speaker 1 wait a minute what was this about at the beginning we got away from it real bad

Speaker 1 wait you said you said no one in high school

Speaker 1 no one in high school was okay let me even in your child I gotta get okay here's what is HIV it can't be HIV I'm dying of cancer it can't be HIV though why because HIV people

Speaker 1 still live with HIV this is in when does this movie come out when did this movie come out? 02. It was still maybe.
Yeah, there were still people, though, getting the cocktail.

Speaker 1 Maybe, but it was tough for them back then. Can it be a different disease? It's fine.
All right. And the voice, can we...
All right, we'll switch up the voice.

Speaker 1 Just be you. Yeah, the voice is driving me crazy.
Okay, go ahead. Well, let's do voices, but let's just figure what that is going to be.
Let's surprise me. Okay, perfect.
All right. All right.

Speaker 1 Hey, baby. Yes.

Speaker 1 No. Cut no.
I can't do a fan. Let's just be noble.
Let's just do no more. All right, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Tell me what the scenario is like. Well, let's improvise it.
I know, but what I'm asking. What I'm asking, telling you is that I don't think that a young couple, right? Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 I think that if a guy, you know, is dating a girl and she's like, you know, I have this rare disease. I'm going to be dead in six months, right? Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 I think that he'll stay with the girl out of guilt. What if he's in love? I don't know.
Rudy, well, you're a hard person. Yeah, women are different.

Speaker 1 I'm being real. It's like...

Speaker 1 Okay, if Kalila got into

Speaker 1 it. It's different because

Speaker 1 you're older. Not am I older.
I understand what life is much more. Sure.
You mean I, you know, I have more days, you know what I mean, behind me than ahead. Let's ask Gabs then.

Speaker 1 She's another woman that's not Rudy then. Yeah, but women have a different point of view.
I feel like if I, like,

Speaker 1 if I had some terminal disease and Kalila had to take care of me, it would be far different than if it was vice versa. Why?

Speaker 1 My feeling, because I just don't know how to do it emotionally like a woman does. You're saying her strength, they're stronger than you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like, you know, I need to go to the appointment to get, you know what I mean, my spine, you know what I mean, you know,

Speaker 1 regeneration or whatever, right? And I'm like, where do we got to go? Every, we have to do regeneration therapy Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and it's in Santa Barbara.

Speaker 1 Noon to two. Yeah, and we have to get up at seven in the morning.
And then it would just be one of those things where it's like. Spine regeneration.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's going to be one of those things where it's going to be like,

Speaker 1 I'll obviously go yeah we'll do it right but it's gonna like i think it'll show on my face

Speaker 1 you like in the mornings just be like all right let's go so so if kalila needed spine regeneration and she was i would do it i would do it begrudgingly

Speaker 1 but you're lazy tito bobby there it is and that's exactly

Speaker 1 correct a lot of guys are lazy maybe tito and isn't lazy that's right all right no i would take her to do it and i wouldn't even think about it either would i but you just said you i'm being honest

Speaker 1 i'm being too

Speaker 1 bothering you.

Speaker 1 I don't think you're being honest. No, I'm being genuine.
If she said I had to. Every Monday, you have to wake up.

Speaker 1 It wouldn't even. No, because I wake up on Monday night.
And she's going to die anyway in six months. Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah. Because then I'm going to be.
Then it's a country. Yeah, me too.

Speaker 1 How exciting. Six months? Me too, me too.
Then every month I'm just like, five more months.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. How about this? If Kalila got into a tragic car accident and she was paralyzed from the neck down, would you stay? Yeah.
You would stay? 100%. Because it'd be easy to leave.
I wouldn't.

Speaker 1 She couldn't even get you. How could she catch you?

Speaker 1 No, there's no way. Because your house isn't wheelchair ready.

Speaker 1 No, because her and I have

Speaker 1 a history. No, no, just it's not just history.

Speaker 1 It's a clearly I'm kidding. Of course, she was.

Speaker 1 It's a

Speaker 1 connection that's far beyond just the physical. Right.

Speaker 1 If I can't say. It's probably more than, it's probably almost never not.
Because she was today or she was talking about how. Your relationship is maybe not physical at all anymore.

Speaker 1 We are physical, but

Speaker 1 today she was talking about how when she was born or growing up,

Speaker 1 yeah, growing up, um, there was these two s

Speaker 1 teenage girls that were murdered in the Philippines and they had their titties cut off, right?

Speaker 1 And she knew a guy that was accused of it, whatever it might be. You knew the guy, no, she didn't, she wasn't born yet.

Speaker 1 But I was like, she's like, it could have been me and my sister, right, that got our titties cut off, right?

Speaker 1 And then my response after that was like, oh, well, then my life would have been completely worse than it is now.

Speaker 1 Because she didn't have tits? No, if she had died, you know what I mean, in the the 70s or 80s, right? Right,

Speaker 1 then,

Speaker 1 and I never met her. I don't know if I would be here with you right now.
I don't think, I think my life would be completely different. Butterfly effect.

Speaker 1 For sure, everything would be different if it was different. I think it would be way worse because it's like, well, that's hard to say.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you why, though, I think that's true. It's because

Speaker 1 everything that's positive in my life is because of her. It's a direct result of meeting her.
That's powerful in terms of just

Speaker 1 the trajectory of my career, the trajectory of, you know, wanting to get better as a human being, the trajectory of like just everything.

Speaker 1 You think if Kalila didn't check you down when you relapsed, if you didn't have her, that would have been the I might have still been out there. You know what I mean? But it's not even just that.

Speaker 1 It's like when I did

Speaker 1 years ago, when we lived in that apartment on Beachwood,

Speaker 1 she was like,

Speaker 1 we should do a podcast. And I'm like, no.

Speaker 1 She goes, well, I'm going to do one on my own then. Go ahead.
She went to the guitar center by herself. Right.
She set it up in the room and she did it on her own for like a month. Right.

Speaker 1 And then one day I walked by her. The door was open.
And she was just sitting there in her mic and just doesn't know what to say. You know, she's just sitting there.
She had done it. Right.

Speaker 1 And I just kind of went, all right, we'll do one. So I would go, let's just call it Tiger Bell.
And she's like, why? And I'm like, because no one's going to listen to this anyway.

Speaker 1 It doesn't make any sense as a non-secuador right right

Speaker 1 and we started doing it and then here we are you know i mean i i'm a podcaster yeah right because of that experience yeah correct yeah so it's like everything she has had a positive effect everything everything

Speaker 1 so without her you'd be worthless i might be truly who knows i could have found something else in life but um i think i might have got it covered because she's so

Speaker 1 you know i mean adamant right she was very strict about this pandemic and yeah and i followed the rules of the house. You sure did.
What do you mean? No, you did. I did.
And I didn't get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good. Yeah.
I got it. I know you did.
A little bit cooler than you. No.

Speaker 1 A little bit cooler than you. Irresponsible.
It was a little bit cooler than you. No.
And you got your sick. I got your wife sick.

Speaker 1 Oh, not only to her. I got 55 other people sick.
When I found out I had it, I went out. I didn't stay at home.
I was out, out, and about. Starbucks, no mask.
Coffee? Thank you, please.

Speaker 1 Next, Trader Joe's.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Everywhere I went, dude. I was spreading it, dude.

Speaker 1 I was so, I loved it. You're a douchebag.
I loved it. You're a douchebag.
And people are like, oh, sir, you're not wearing a mask. I'm like, so what?

Speaker 1 I came up from Huntington Beach.

Speaker 1 I was coughing, dude, spitting and coughing.

Speaker 1 I wasn't irresponsible.

Speaker 1 I got it with a friend outside. How do you know? We got it from Chris D.

Speaker 1 I know. From Chris's friend.

Speaker 1 His Mexican friend his mexican friend you misquoted what he was like a thousand times it doesn't matter he's not mexican i know but he's a stand-up he is does he feel bad about it he does

Speaker 1 he should it's it's something about me that like won't let certain things go like what

Speaker 1 like i have this thing where it's like and i i want i want to change this about myself where like

Speaker 1 You know, like my falling out with the La Jolla comedy store. Mm-hmm.
You can always bounce back.

Speaker 1 But do do you know what happened right i do yeah you want to talk about and i'll never yeah i'll talk about it i just can't forgive this guy sure you know maybe and i'll it but why can't you forgive people that's the thing i it's something that i have within myself whereas i have a i i get a grudge yes you hold that grudge hold it in my heart it's grudge forever get rid of that i know but it can't but that's going to kill you faster than it kills them it doesn't hurt me i don't it doesn't it does subconscious you don't even know it but it does things like that do hurt us it's like,

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what happened.

Speaker 1 You know, that club got gutted and closed at one point. Did you know that? Yeah, I do.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So that club.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. So the manager wasn't.
No, no, no. The manager what? When I was a kid, right?

Speaker 1 And I went into that club, right? And Mitzi one day said,

Speaker 1 I'm closing it down.

Speaker 1 Right. Okay.
She was losing money. No, she's like, I'm moving it.
She moved the comedy store to the beach. Oh, I remember that.
Yeah. Yeah, on the coast of Law.
You weren't around that.

Speaker 1 No, I heard about it. I know the story.
So then that comedy store, the one that we know in Laoy, right? Yeah. Was completely gutted.
It was going to be like a furniture shop. Right.
Right.

Speaker 1 The beach, there was no parking there.

Speaker 1 So they started freaking out. And the last second, she's like, let's go back.
Right. But now the club was gutted.
Right.

Speaker 1 So me, Freddie Soto, guys like Johnny Sanchez, when we were kids, we went in there and we put the bamboo on the wall, the bamboo. Yeah.
Right. We built a stage.

Speaker 1 We went in there, put carpeting down. We did it all, right?

Speaker 1 Then I worked there, right, as a doorman. Yeah.
Right. That place was my fucking home.
I know every crack of that club. Right.
Right.

Speaker 1 It's like, you know, it's like your hometown house that you grew up in.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine that? I burned down. Oh, I'm sorry.
That's all right. I did it.

Speaker 1 Really funny. but I know what you mean.
Yes, it's like so. Anyway, so now after I was in on Matt TV or whatever, right?

Speaker 1 Maybe after, a little after that, and I had to do a special, not special, but a stand-up set on TV. I forgot what it was.
Sure. So I wanted to work out a set.
So I called the La Jolla Comedy Store.

Speaker 1 And I talked to a doorman and I go, yo, what's going on tonight? He's like, the best of San Diego.

Speaker 1 So I go, oh, I'm going to drive down because I don't want to work it out here in Hollywood. And I just want to work it out there.
He's like, come on down.

Speaker 1 So I drive two and a half hours or whatever it is to La Jolla. I go into the club.
And this manager, who I didn't even know, he was new there,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 I go, all right, when can I go up? And he goes, you can't go up here.

Speaker 1 And I go, why?

Speaker 1 Because we're doing pretty funny women.

Speaker 1 Right? Yeah. So I go,

Speaker 1 all right, well, I'll wait and I'll just go up at the end.

Speaker 1 Compromise. What year is this?

Speaker 1 This must be 2005. You're on Mad.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Right? So you say, I want to go up the end of the show that's called Pretty Funny Women. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which gives women opportunity that usually they didn't have a lot of spots. Exactly.
But I'll go up at the end. But I want to go at the end.
Yeah. The headline the Pretty Funny Women Show.

Speaker 1 Special guest. Got it.

Speaker 1 Okay, you're making me mad right now. I'm agreeing with you.
I literally just said, got it. I don't think so.
I just said, got it. I'm just trying to figure out the context.
I need context.

Speaker 1 If it was like an all-Hispanic show, right?

Speaker 1 You pretty funny bees. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 you... And I popped in.
Popped in at the level that you're at now, right? Imagine the talent on the thing, there's no name.

Speaker 1 It's basically open mic night. Right.
I walk in and they're like, hey, it's hot tamale night. Right, right.
And you go, yeah, I'll go up at the end. You know, it's like, okay, so just go back.

Speaker 1 You said I want to go up at the end. Yeah.
The manager said, no. Right.
So I got back in my car and I drove away, but I told him, um,

Speaker 1 maybe I'm doing, maybe I sound like a baby. What did you say? I said, if you don't put me up right now, I drove two and a half hours.
Right. I'm never going to play this club again.
Can I, can I ask?

Speaker 1 And he goes, fine. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you call anybody and say, I'm coming down?

Speaker 1 I just told you I did.

Speaker 1 Who did you contact? I called the door, the phone guy during the day. And the phone guy was like, come on down.
Right. Miscommunication.

Speaker 1 So you should have said to the manager, didn't the phone guy tell you I'm coming? Yeah. I probably said that.
And he was like, no, he didn't tell me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, oh, okay, well, then fire that guy because that's his fault. That's fine.
I'm not going to. All the doormen and the phone guys are all stand-ups, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I'm not going to fucking

Speaker 1 ruin somebody's dream. Sure, but then...
Well, but it's not the manager. It's not that big of a deal.
It's a La Joya. Just put me up.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But it's not that big of a deal it's not that big of a deal so go back now no because but it's all i already said if you don't put me up yeah i'm never coming back here and he goes that's fine with me right so i go at that point i'm like now i can never come back but what i'm telling you is it doesn't bother him it's it bothers you doesn't bother me this going back to my original point we harbor those things and it doesn't hurt him he doesn't lose any sleep about it it doesn't he didn't he's never even thought about it since it happened but it does bother you because it's you know still know it so well

Speaker 1 So, what you want me to do is go, I'm back. I want you to go, hey, I want to come back.
And then I see the guy, and he'll go, dude, it's so great to have you here.

Speaker 1 We wish you came over the years. I'm sorry that that fucking thing happened.
God, you're making me so mad right now. But it's so real.
But I'm telling you, what you,

Speaker 1 you can fix something that is not even a problem. No, I will refuse.
I refuse. You know what it is? Because let me give you a parallel.
When Rogan left,

Speaker 1 when Rogan told the story, I refuse.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you why I refuse. Okay, when he's fired, what if he gets fired or quits? Then will you go go back? Oh, yeah.
Okay, so it's all him. Yeah.
Uh-huh. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'll go. Or he could call me and go, listen, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 But what did he do?

Speaker 1 I'm sorry for not putting you up. On the Pretty Funny Women Show.

Speaker 1 But that is a funny quote. I'm sorry for not putting you up on the Pretty Funny Women Show.
Right. If it was like in L.A., right? Yeah.
And it's like... But it's not L.A.

Speaker 1 Just listen to what I'm saying, right? If the lineup is like Sarah Tiana, Sarah Silverman, you know what I mean? Whitney Cummings and they're like

Speaker 1 100% I'd be like, you know what?

Speaker 1 I can't be on the show. But why not? Because I'm not a woman.
But why could you be on the other show? Because it's like a packed room and it's like, you know.

Speaker 1 Because they weren't famous enough, the other women. Exactly.
Right. And you understand my point of view, right? I don't.
I mean, I know why you feel that way, but I don't think you're right. Right.

Speaker 1 I think you're wrong.

Speaker 1 I love you, but I think you're wrong. Okay.
I think the manager was put in a bad position.

Speaker 1 And then you, now after all these years, you're big Bobby Lee. You're in space right now of comedy.
You can do whatever you want.

Speaker 1 Why don't you just go, well, then I want to be able to do that. Can I ask you another question? Yeah.
Can I ask you another question? Of course. Is there any level that you can be

Speaker 1 to get put up on that stage?

Speaker 1 Yes. If Chris Rock, let me just say, if Chris Rock drove down there,

Speaker 1 could he go up there? He wouldn't do that. Oh, no, that's not true because I've seen, I was a doorman at the La Joy conference.

Speaker 1 No, no what i'm saying is if chris that's not chris would call and go i'm coming to come to come down and i'm coming up and they would make it a thing right right so my point is if you were more famous they would have been like yo chappelle is coming and the whole show would have shut down so what you're saying to me right now is that i just wasn't famous enough to make that happen

Speaker 1 well to make the thing a thing yeah you weren't famous enough to try to bump someone on the pretty funny women show right so there's a level that you can though and i still don't think you did should but is there it happens all the time?

Speaker 1 It happens, but it's like, but it only should happen if, like, but like, I think all headliners know, why would you need it? You don't need to go.

Speaker 1 Because I remember one time I was a circumstances. Listen, I was a doorman.
I was a doorman, right, at the comedy store in La Jolla. And on Tuesday nights, Fred Burns gave us the room.

Speaker 1 So they go, it's all six of you. We're doorman.
You guys work your ass off to pack this room. So we would take these tickets

Speaker 1 and go to, back then it was called Jack Murphy Stadium.

Speaker 1 And we, and when there was a Padres game, right, we would pass out these tickets, free tickets, and we sold out this room. Oh, no, it was paid.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, we, it was a, yeah, it was a papered room, papered room, yeah. But we got the whole Tuesday night, it was packed, dope, right? Yeah, our show, I love those, right?

Speaker 1 We showed up, and Chris Rock was in town. Cool.
This is before Bring Your Pain, though, Bring the Pain, Bring the Pain, right? All right,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 they go, Chris is gonna go up, yeah, in the middle of it. He got a lot and do an hour.
That's awesome. Right?

Speaker 1 And there's nothing we could do. That's right.
He went up. That's right.
Did it. Right.
And then some of us weren't able to go up. Yeah.
You know what I mean? And some of us got fucked.

Speaker 1 And we worked really hard to do the show. My point is, that's, you know what I mean? But you're not Chris Rock.

Speaker 1 I was, but

Speaker 1 I know

Speaker 1 I understand that. But this is Chris.
Just let me defend myself. But you're not Chris Rock.
I understand. But this is Chris Rock, right?

Speaker 1 Chris Rock

Speaker 1 became

Speaker 1 huge

Speaker 1 after Bringing the Pain. Huge.
Right? Yep. Before Bring the Pain.
But before that, we knew it was Chris Rock.

Speaker 1 He was fucking phenomenal. Right, but so what you're saying is Chris Rock arguably.

Speaker 1 So what you're saying, your point is I could have bumped, right? Yeah. Pretty funny women if I was Chris Rock.
Yeah. And I wasn't big enough.
That's right. Okay.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 since the circumstances were Because it's also, I want to add this little thing into it. It's also my home club.
I know.

Speaker 1 That's why I think you should squash this.

Speaker 1 No, I will not. I refuse to.
How about this? No, no, no, no. I refuse to.
No, here's what I'm saying. How about we do a bad friend? I'm going to double down.
How about we do a bad friend show then?

Speaker 1 I'm going to double down. Would you do it with me? No, I'm not.
Refuse. I'm going to double down now, right? Double down.
I'm going to do everything I can.

Speaker 1 From this point forward,

Speaker 1 I'm acting like a little baby. I love it.
All right. From this point forward,

Speaker 1 I'm going to do everything I can. I will never give up.
To take the club down. No, not the club to make the club up.
I will never give up. I'm going to try to get as big as I fucking can.
Let's do it.

Speaker 1 And let me say something right now, right?

Speaker 1 I'm in a very good trajectory right now. You're killing it.
Are you being sarcastic? You're killing it. Don't make me mad.
You're killing it. What else do you think?

Speaker 1 And I'm going to do everything I can to get bigger and bigger. Did you watch any of the Pretty Funny Women?

Speaker 1 Did you stay for any of it? Seriously? You have me in such a bad mood. I don't know if I can continue.
You did this. I didn't do this.

Speaker 1 You talked about it. I just wanted to agree with me.
What I agree with you on is it was

Speaker 1 a fucked up.

Speaker 1 You know the show. You know what the show is, eh? It was a fucked up situation.

Speaker 1 It was not fair, but I don't think you should hold it out to your San Diego fans. How about that? If you yawn again,

Speaker 1 dude, it's been the whole show. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's been the whole show.

Speaker 1 And you don't want to be here. And the worst part is the fans like you, and that's what's so annoying is they don't know.
You don't even love you so much. This is doing so much for your life.

Speaker 1 Right? So anyway, pull the mic up to your face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
God, it's so, it's just the one rule. It's not this ever.
It's never been. It's right here, always.
Listen, guys. I want to be here.

Speaker 1 Okay. All right.
So here's the deal. All right.
I just want to do a group apology, okay? All right.

Speaker 1 You have a tendency, because I love you so much. I love you.
You're like, we're family. We are.
To really dig in, right? And to get me there. You got me there for the first time, right?

Speaker 1 But let me tell you something, right? It'll never happen again. You got it.
No, it's not that I got it. Don't even do that, right? What I'm going to say to you is this.

Speaker 1 I, right, am acting like a child about it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. About that situation.
Right. And I am going to grow.
I love it.

Speaker 1 I love it. And so, what I'm going to say to everyone in this room is that.
Listen up, everyone. Everyone in this room, all right?

Speaker 1 You know, thank you for being involved in this project that we're doing. Right.

Speaker 1 Let's take one foot in front of the other and step into the future. Let's see.
The bright future. I like it.
And I want to say that I really appreciate everyone's energy and positive energy here.

Speaker 1 right and i'm not going to let you right god bless yeah your psychological mental attacks on me i didn't do anything i understand that but you know how to fuck you know the right buttons right and i know yours and i'm not going to press them because i'm a good person i didn't

Speaker 1 say this yeah you did and my point is is this okay thank you so much um gabby for being here thank you so much um fancy fancy bee for being here

Speaker 1 you're yawning it's fine keep do be you all right right and you

Speaker 1 right your rage eyes it's not going to affect me. Let's move on.
You want to play a fucking program? Let's do another program in the show. Let's go.
What do we got? Let's do it.

Speaker 1 Let's play games here, man. I feel great.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay.
So, Andre, introduce what you've got. Yeah, introduce what we got.

Speaker 1 So we, because we love movies so much in this show, we selected a few super famous popular movies in the U.S.

Speaker 1 for Rudy to tell us what the plot is about based on the poster and the title.

Speaker 1 Okay, before we go into that, can I just mention something real quick, though? Of course.

Speaker 1 Because I am the co-ho 50% of this. What the? I didn't say anything.
I know, but I'm just

Speaker 1 for some reason, I have to. I mean,

Speaker 1 right now, basically, I'm Scorpion and you're sub-zero. I'm Raiden.
No, you're not Raiden. I'm Raiden.
You're not Raiden at all. How am I not Raiden? Because Raiden's a good guy.
I am Raiden.

Speaker 1 No, you're not. You're definitely like Cabal.
Jax.

Speaker 1 You're not Jax. You're not black.
Yes, I am. I can be whatever I want.

Speaker 1 All right, I'll be sub-zero. You're Chung Lee.
Oh, that's right. I am.
You're Chung Li, for sure.

Speaker 1 And first of all, I would be Scorpion. He's the only one that's close to my color of red.
That's true. No, no, no.
I'm,

Speaker 1 yeah, because Scorpion throws fire, dude. I'm Scorpion.
You're Chung Li. Yeah.
And you are.

Speaker 1 She's Melanie. What's her name? Milena.

Speaker 1 Milena. Milena.
Milena. Milena.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 about movies is what I want. Let's go back to the movie thing that we're going to do.

Speaker 1 I had a discussion with Kawhi all the time because we mentioned Three Amigos, and I go, I can't believe you haven't seen that to this one. And then Klein goes, well, she was born in this time, right?

Speaker 1 But it's like... I know who the Beatles are.
Exactly. I hate that argument because it's like when I was a kid, I saw Citizen Kane.
That was in the 50s. Right.
I mean, I saw

Speaker 1 it on the wall. John Frankenstein wasn't in my.
Right. You know what I mean? I go for, I watch the classics.
If it's good, everyone will know it for the rest of the world. Right.

Speaker 1 So it's like, you should have seen this movie already. Yeah.
And you haven't seen this film. No, I haven't.
Okay, so

Speaker 1 based on the movie, the poster, tell us what it's about.

Speaker 1 Can you zoom in? Zoom in? Zoom in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's a Shawshank? Well, you got to make it up. You got to figure out what it is.
You have to tell us. Tell us what it is.

Speaker 1 It's about two guys

Speaker 1 in the military. Correct.
That's correct. That's actually.
I don't actually know. How do you know that? I don't know.
Yeah. What else? And then then

Speaker 1 it's World War I. Yep.

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 they.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What do they do?

Speaker 1 What's Shawshang?

Speaker 1 That's a war.

Speaker 1 That's the war.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, so two guys in the military,

Speaker 1 they are the ones that defeated the enemy in Shawshang. Yeah.
And they freed the people who were imprisoned. Exactly.
That's actually right. That's exactly right.
That's actually right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the guy on the right is.

Speaker 1 Morgan Freeman. Yeah, I know that.
The guy on the right, his name in the movie is.

Speaker 1 It's a dead giveaway. It's a nickname based after what they used to call him when he was a kid.
They would look at his picture. They would call him.

Speaker 1 Deshaun. Deshaun.
Deshaun. Deshaun.
Deshaun. And the guy on the left, his nickname, or well, his name in the movie is his nickname.
And he looks like

Speaker 1 Nick. Nick.
Nick and Deshaun. Nick and Deshaun.
They're Da Shawshan. They're in the Shawshank War.
Yep. Right? They go in, they liberate the town.
Yeah. Free the guys from the prison.
Right?

Speaker 1 Look in the bottom, what happened?

Speaker 1 That right there is the moment that you need to. What is that? What is that? Titanic? It's the Titanic.
Exactly. So this is crazy.

Speaker 1 You're not going to believe this, but that scene from the Titanic was actually in this movie first. They did that scene in this movie.
Yeah. And then the Titanic stole it.

Speaker 1 So it's an homage to World War I. He's actually on a boat.
He's on the head of a boat because, you know, Shawshank, right? The war. The war is...
Shawshank is an island. I don't know if you know this.

Speaker 1 Right? So he's on the boat. It's close to where you grew up.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm the king of the world. He says that.
I'm the king of this world. Nick, so Nick, right, is his name? Nick said it.
Nick goes, I'm the king of the world, right?

Speaker 1 And right there, does that look like rain? It's not. You know what it is? Blood.
It's bullets and blood. Bullets and blood.
Bullets and blood. I'm the the king of the

Speaker 1 crazy. It's a crazy song.
It's kind of like Scarface when he was like,

Speaker 1 you know, and he's getting shot up.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Holy shit.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Have you seen this movie? This one, of course, is an American classic called The

Speaker 1 Godfather. Yeah, Godfather, of course, is about

Speaker 1 what is it about? I've heard about it before. Yes.
Yeah. Yes.
Is it about like

Speaker 1 gangster? Yeah. Yeah.
There we go. It is.

Speaker 1 And that. And he is a

Speaker 1 mafia. Yeah, mafia.

Speaker 1 And what's his name?

Speaker 1 The actor's name?

Speaker 1 I mean, that's next to impossible.

Speaker 1 You do know who's that actor. You've seen him before.
He's European.

Speaker 1 Eastern European. He looks like Joaquin Phoenix.

Speaker 1 His name is Joaquin. That's actually good.
His first name is Joaquin. Joaquin.
But his last name isn't Phoenix. His last name is

Speaker 1 Joaquin.

Speaker 1 Scherlinger. Sherlinger.
Sherlinger. Joaquin Sherlinger.

Speaker 1 And he plays in the movie.

Speaker 1 The father. The father.
The godfather. The godfather.
Very good.

Speaker 1 Now, now, who now at the bottom it says, I'm going to make him an offer. He can't refuse.
Who did he make the offer to? Who did Joaquin Scherlinger make an offer to?

Speaker 1 The father. The other father.
The other father. Because there's more than one father.
Of course there is. Well, you have the godfather.
Yeah, right. The regular father.

Speaker 1 But, you know, other clans have other fathers. So there's another father, and he goes, you know, I'm going to make you an offer that you can't refuse.
Do you know what the offer was? What's the offer?

Speaker 1 The offer was... From the godfather to the father.
What was it? To save

Speaker 1 the niece or he dies. Save the niece.
Or he dies. Exactly.
He did say, I'm getting you better.

Speaker 1 In the movie, he said, I'm going to make him save the niece or he dies. That was one of the scenes.
That's very good. Very good.
You're actually two for two. Ah.

Speaker 1 Another classic. Do you know who Clint Eastwood is? Do you know who that man is?

Speaker 1 No, but is his son the one in Suicide Squad? I forgot. He's also handsome.

Speaker 1 Jared Leto. No.

Speaker 1 Teres. Jared Leto.
Jared Leto.

Speaker 1 That's right. Yes.
What's his son's name? What's his son's name? That guy. That guy? That guy.
That's exactly right. That's Clinius Eastwood.
Oh, it's also Clint Eastwood.

Speaker 1 Yeah, his name is Clinius Woodruff. Right.
Cleanius Woodrow Jr.

Speaker 1 Clean Eastwood Jr. So let's go back to the good, bad, and the ugly.
What is this movie about?

Speaker 1 Cowboys. Exactly.
But what does this mean, the good, the bad, and the ugly? There's a good cowboy, there's a bad, and then there's an ugly cowboy.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Exactly.
That's kind of like the show. Exactly, like this show.

Speaker 1 Okay, next one.

Speaker 1 This is, this is, what a classic. What a good one.
It was actually shot in another language. You know what other language it was shot in, and then it was translated into English.

Speaker 1 You can see by looking at

Speaker 1 it in Italian. Exactly.

Speaker 1 And so the guy in the center, what's his name?

Speaker 1 Well, there's the names up there.

Speaker 1 Robert De Niro. So the guy in the center's name is Robert De Niro? Yeah.
The guy on the right?

Speaker 1 Joe.

Speaker 1 Yep, Joe.

Speaker 1 I can't see that I'm. Pepsi.
Joe Pepsi. Pepsi.
Joe Pepsi. And the guy to the left is Ray.

Speaker 1 Lota. Lota.
Ray Lotta. Ray Lota.
Ray Lotta. And Joe Pepsi.
Yeah. And it's called Good Fellows.
And what is it about? Also, Mafia. Exactly.

Speaker 1 What are the relationships between these three? Brothers.

Speaker 1 Exactly. They're brothers.

Speaker 1 By the way. Triplets.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 what is.

Speaker 1 I know it's a mafia movie, but what era? What's the time? Give us a time frame. Time.

Speaker 1 1985. Right, just about.
Pretty much. Just about.
1985 and 65. Pretty much.
85, 86. And.

Speaker 1 What city does it take place in? New York. New York.
New York. Where else, but New York.
And so, so one quick question.

Speaker 1 The guy on the far left, Ray Lada, him and Joe Pepsi had a falling out at some point

Speaker 1 during the film

Speaker 1 because the middle guy, Rob Bob De Niro, did what?

Speaker 1 What did he do to cause their falling out, those two guys on the other side? The middle guy killed that girl, but that girl is. Those are old men.

Speaker 1 There's no girl.

Speaker 1 The one on the floor.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's also a man. That's a man.
Oh. It could be a woman.

Speaker 1 That's a woman. Maybe they're gays.

Speaker 1 Maybe they're gays. Yep, they're gays.

Speaker 1 Exactly. And we know you would serve them happily.
Happily.

Speaker 1 What a film. You've never seen this either.

Speaker 1 Jesus. Wow.
Great movie. So, Jack Nicholson.
Yep. Do you know who that is? No.
Laker game? No. You don't know who Jack Nicholson is.
Courtside? Laker Game? Crazy Here?

Speaker 1 I've heard about his name, but I don't know. I'm sure you've seen him in some social reference, right? You can't name any other movie that Jack Nicholson was in? No.

Speaker 1 So one flew over the

Speaker 1 cuckoo's nest. The cuckoo's nest.
The cuckoo's nest. Now, what do you think this is about? He's looking up there in the sky, smiling.
Yeah. I think it's similar to Dumb and Dumber.
Yep. Yep.
Exactly.

Speaker 1 That's a comedy. It's a comedy.
Yeah. Right? And he.

Speaker 1 What happens in this comedy?

Speaker 1 What's the setting in this comedy? Like, where does it take you? They're in prison. They're in prison again.
Again.

Speaker 1 And then he finds someone who is dumber.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Pretty good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they try to escape. They do try to escape the problem.
But they do pranks. They do pranks to pranks.
To escape. Fart gags.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Home alone fart gags. Yeah.
A couple of BBs raining down from the sky. I like it.
Next movie, you're honestly, you're killing it. She already saw this.
I saw this. Oh, you did see Silence.
Great.

Speaker 1 How about this one? Wait, go back to Silence of the Lambs. What is it about? It's about.

Speaker 1 She saw it, huh? We saw it together, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's about a serial killer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 wait,

Speaker 1 wait, I forgot. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a serial killer, and then this girl

Speaker 1 investigates

Speaker 1 the guy. Uh-huh.

Speaker 1 Is it this movie? What? I forgot.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Is it this movie where

Speaker 1 the girl interrogates the serial killer, and then

Speaker 1 the guy escapes.

Speaker 1 I forgot already. Okay.

Speaker 1 You're not going to know the next one. Yeah, yeah, go next.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you forgot that movie, as powerful as that was, something tells me you're not going to be able to just guess what Casablanca is about. Go ahead.
Do you know where Casablanca is?

Speaker 1 Casablanca. Is it a casino? Yes.

Speaker 1 In what city? What city? Las Vegas. Las Vegas.
Las Vegas.

Speaker 1 And if you go to Las Vegas now,

Speaker 1 there's the beautiful Casablanca Hotel

Speaker 1 and casino. And Spa.
And Spa. Yeah.
Yeah, and it's right there on the strip, in the middle of everything. Right.
Right. MGM, I think.
Yeah. and

Speaker 1 who's in it?

Speaker 1 Bogert. Bogert's in it.
Yep. Who else? Bergman.

Speaker 1 Bergman. Bergman's in it.
Bergman's in it. Bergman, the rapper's in it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Henriel.

Speaker 1 Henriel. Henriel.
Henriel. The soccer player.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Henriel. Unreal the soccer player.
Unreal soccer player. So in this movie, just a quick little thing.
He's got a gun there. You see that.

Speaker 1 Is he protecting all those people behind him, or is he out to get some of those people behind him? I think he's protecting the woman, but not the other guys.

Speaker 1 Very, very good. Very good.
Because the guy in the top right is a, you can see him over his hat. He's a

Speaker 1 he's

Speaker 1 J with a J.

Speaker 1 Jew. Yep.
Yes. There it is.
Yeah, he's Jew. Yes.
Correct.

Speaker 1 That's what the movie's about. Yep.
Ah,

Speaker 1 Jimmy's store. I've never heard of this.
Rear window. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you've never heard of this? this? Okay. It's a guy.
Oh, wait, wait. The director.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 who directed it? It says it. It says it.

Speaker 1 Alfred Hitchcock. Have you heard of him? No.

Speaker 1 This is the only movie he did. Yeah, he only did one movie.
That's fair. And then he died in a car accident.

Speaker 1 Yeah. All right, so Alfred Hitchcock, we don't know much about him.
Almost nothing, really. Really? No one really knows much about him.
He did one movie. He got out of film school.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So 15 directors turned this movie down,

Speaker 1 right? And Alfred Hitchcock, this guy, you know, skinny guy, brand new, brand new, young guy, right? He directs this movie, and then he dies in a car accident.

Speaker 1 And what do you think happens in this movie? It's pretty easy to tell because this poster is pretty, it's pretty, they paint a good picture. Look at the poster, and what happens in this film?

Speaker 1 The guy is stalking the girl. Yes, exactly.
And what happens to her?

Speaker 1 Look at that big thing on the right. What happens to her?

Speaker 1 Where? Look at the big thing next to him. What is that tall thing? A building? Yeah, so what happens to her? What happens to her? She falls.
She falls. Because look at the blue in that.

Speaker 1 See that up there in the blue? Yeah. Right? Look at her blue dress.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He was a peeping Tom. He was spying on her.
And her last line is, I shouldn't have stood so close to the rear window.

Speaker 1 And then, dead. But maybe he pushed her.
Ah.

Speaker 1 Plot twist. Don't give it away.
Don't give it away. Oh, boy.
Oh, this is a good one. We've talked about it on this show an awful lot.
A lot of times this movie.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 You've seen this? Have you seen this? No. What's it called? Apocalypse Now.
Yes. What happens? What's the setting?

Speaker 1 They're in Africa. Yep, well, part of Africa.
How'd you know from the poster? Yeah, it kind of looks like it. That's actually a good call.

Speaker 1 If you name the country, we can move on. What country does this take place in in Africa?

Speaker 1 Nigeria. That's the one.
Exactly. That's the one.
And good thing you did

Speaker 1 the Ayeria.

Speaker 1 Look who's back. Who's that actor?

Speaker 1 Look who's back. Look who's cuckoo.
Look who's cuckoo.

Speaker 1 Who's the guy? Who's the guy?

Speaker 1 Here's Rudy. I don't know.
No, we saw him before. I know.
I said, have you heard of him before?

Speaker 1 Alfred Hitchcock. It's Alfred Hitchcock.
It's Hitchcock. It's Alfred Hitchcock.
There he is. There he is.

Speaker 1 It's Alfred Hitchcock.

Speaker 1 And that's the Shinnan. Yeah, that's.
Yeah. And now, what's this movie about?

Speaker 1 The Shinning? The Shinnan.

Speaker 1 Yeah, shinning. It's not the shining.
No, it's shinning. Shining? Shining.
No, the shining. The two ends in shining.

Speaker 1 This is the shining. This is the shining.

Speaker 1 And in the shinning, of course. When the shining would happen.

Speaker 1 You can tell right away. It's so easy.
Look.

Speaker 1 What's exposed on his mouth? You see his teeth, right? What's it about? Shinning.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, his teeth?

Speaker 1 He.

Speaker 1 If you go get a shinning, you're going to get your.

Speaker 1 What's a shinning?

Speaker 1 Do you try to make it up then?

Speaker 1 What do you think it is?

Speaker 1 This is one of those movie posters where it's so obvious what it is. Yeah.
You just say it. Very simple.
He either

Speaker 1 watches girls

Speaker 1 in the bathroom. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 1 he eats metal.

Speaker 1 The answer is B. Yeah, yeah.
Eats the metal. Eats the metal.
What's shining? Yeah, yeah. You have have to go to the movie.
You have to watch the movie. You have to go watch the movie, yeah.

Speaker 1 Rudy, that was incredible. That's incredible.
Give him a round of applause. That was amazing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Did you ever see Gran Torino? I loved it.
Now, could that come out right now?

Speaker 1 That would be a Stop Asian hate movie that would get. I think that.
Oh, yeah, that would definitely. But you know what? Get off my lawn, you Asians.
Did she say racial epithets?

Speaker 1 I brought my parents to that movie. You did? Yeah, and my dad halfway through the movie goes, I don't feel comfortable.
Yeah. I'm being real.
No, I mean, I didn't like it. Grant Trino's looking at the

Speaker 1 denounces anti-Asian slurs. Well, they use it in the movie.
Yeah. So when we talk about this stuff, think about like this.

Speaker 1 Tarantino says the N-word in pulp fiction.

Speaker 1 What do you do with this? You're okay with it? Do they need to cut that out now because of what's going on? I think that,

Speaker 1 but who says the N-word in pulp fiction? Oh, yeah, they do. He does.
He does say it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pretty on the nose. Yeah, he does say it on the nose.
He said, is there a sign

Speaker 1 outside of my driveway that says dead N-word parking?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Storage.
Dead N-word storage. Yes, that's right.
Yeah, that's right. Have you seen you've seen this movie, right?

Speaker 1 You did. Yeah, but I forgot about it already.
It was a long time ago.

Speaker 1 Bring up the picture of the four cast members there, please. Who are they?

Speaker 1 Who are these people?

Speaker 1 The actors' names. John Travolta.
Very good. And then the girl.
I know she's in Killbill. Yes.
Another Tarantino movie. The guy to the right is.

Speaker 1 I think he was in a racing movie. I don't know.
Yes. That racing famous racing movie.
Which movie?

Speaker 1 Fastass and the various

Speaker 1 diesel. Vin Diesel.

Speaker 1 Vin Diesel right there.

Speaker 1 By the way. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He does look like it. He fucking did diesel right there.

Speaker 1 Honestly, he really does look like it.

Speaker 1 Did you fart?

Speaker 1 No. Does that, what, Rudy? I didn't fart.

Speaker 1 So defensive. Yeah.
Because it smells in here. And did you fart for real? I didn't.
Your eyes. I didn't fart.

Speaker 1 Because I think you did. Did you fart? Be honest.
I promise. Because last night we had

Speaker 1 deep dish pizza, and I can't eat it anymore. Why? Because, you know, the one with the mozzarella cheese and then the ricotta cheese.
Oh, it's so good. And that's good.
It's so good.

Speaker 1 I know, but I'm lactose intolerant. Take a pill.
Maybe. Take a lactate.
But she was taking a shower, and I go, I'll just go to the bathroom downstairs.

Speaker 1 She goes, no, I like it when you shit, when I'm taking a shower. What? Yeah.
And I go, you do?

Speaker 1 I do. Absolutely.
So I'll sit there and shit. While she's in the shower? She loves it.
No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You guys are perfect for each other. Yeah.
So I'm shitting, and I'm.

Speaker 1 What? And she's like, oh, that was a groovy one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She likes that in the same room? Yeah, it's crazy. Do you take showers together? We used to.
We used to have. Have you?

Speaker 1 Today. Oh, yeah.
We We have. We do it all the time.
But do you pee when you get in the shower? Oh, yeah. Do you pee in the shower? See, me too.
Andres, do you pee in the shower? No, we talk about it.

Speaker 1 No. We already talked about it on this show? Yep.
Oh, I didn't know. What do you do, Gab? Do you pee in the shower?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Of course, everybody down, everyone normally pees in the shower. And I pee on her sometimes.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 I wipe my ass from the

Speaker 1 back to front.

Speaker 1 You wipe like that?

Speaker 1 Don't you ever get it on your balls? I think all I said, his dicks. That's why his dick smells.
I was like, poop. Why don't you just get baby wipes? No, I always.

Speaker 1 For some reason, I'm getting fat now.

Speaker 1 I didn't always do that. But this just started on an over you.
No, because I'm getting fat, so it's like I can't get my little... Why don't you lean up? Get up.
I can't. You can't get up.

Speaker 1 I can't get my hand to my asshole. We should get a rail for you to hold up to it.
I can do this for some reason. Especially if it's like closer to.
My taint's very

Speaker 1 small. Small tank, small.
So it's like, yeah, I can get my hand to my asshole that way. Right.