Bobby Fires George

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. If Andreas was a pastry, what would he be? If Andreas was a pastry, he'd be a Danish.
A Danish.

Speaker 2 No, Quessanta is very delicate and beautiful. He'd be a Danish.
Oh. By the way, a cheese Danish.
Yeah. Yeah, mozzarella.

Speaker 2 Pete, of course, would be

Speaker 2 a hard muffin, an old muffin. I think more of an English pudding.
A bread pudding. Like a bread pudding.
Yeah, he'd be bread pudding. What about me? If I was a fucking pastry.
If you were a pastry,

Speaker 2 you would be

Speaker 2 a pig in a blanket.

Speaker 2 So perfect. You would literally be a pig in a blanket.
You would absolutely be a hot dog wrapped in a croissant. That's literally.
Because the outside looks sweet. You're burnt toast.

Speaker 2 That's not a pastry. Yeah.
I know. That's why.
You're not even in the fucking, you know what I mean? When you go to a pastry shop, you're not even in the fucking glass thing. I'm a cranberry muffin.

Speaker 2 No. I'm a cran-orange muffin.
You're in the fucking garbage pan in the fucking back.

Speaker 2 Why? Because you're just a burnt. It's like they burn it.
They're like, ah.

Speaker 2 Tough to. All right, well, you're still a pig in a blanket.
You're fat and unhealthy and disgusting, but everybody kind of likes you. That's a pig in a blanket.

Speaker 2 You're fat and unhealthy and disgusting and bad for people, but unreasonably so, we still like you. That's why you're a pig in a blanket.
And Rudy?

Speaker 2 And Rudy? Rudy has some sort of weird fruit in it. Yeah, it's like a passion fruit.
Or it's like a kumquat. Like a lyche, you know.
A lyche. A lyche donut.
A lychee donut, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're like a persimmon, you're like a persimmon, a weird fruit for no reason. You're a persimmon

Speaker 2 poppy.

Speaker 2 Look at that face.

Speaker 2 What do you, what are you, auditioning for apocalypto?

Speaker 2 What are you? What are you? I can see you're an apocalypto. Can't you? What do you think you are, Rude?

Speaker 2 A cookie. A cookie.
What kind of cookie? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Just the chocolate chip cookie.

Speaker 2 No, no. No, you're not chocolate.
Yeah, you're fucking mind. You're freaking white.

Speaker 2 You're not white. You're not white.

Speaker 2 You're a macadamia nut brown sugar cooked cookie. Yeah, yeah, something like that.
Burnt, by the way. Yeah.
Burnt. Ooh, yeah.
Fight your way back. Fight your way back.

Speaker 2 What a mean guy. I pulled my back golfing.
I know.

Speaker 2 That's so dumb. No, it wasn't golfing.
Sorry. You just said it.
Well, I was golfing all day.

Speaker 2 And then afterwards, I was blowing one of the guys that I golfed with, and I had pulled my back. When I came up, I just threw out my back.
It hurt so much. That's hilarious.

Speaker 2 I was golfing, man so you swing so you swing I wasn't even on my swing I was walking I was grabbing a club to bend down and I just popped something

Speaker 2 wow are you being real I wasn't I didn't stretch but does it hurt right now oh yeah yeah oh yeah so I could fuck with you yeah I mean I mean physically no you couldn't

Speaker 2 even on my worst day I'm stronger than you it's unbelievable that's how weak you are as a human being on my worst off day yeah I'm still remarkably stronger than you I'm strong for my size no you're not in my weight class no you're not yeah think about how how you're going to be.

Speaker 2 Let's think about types. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
So in this building, my type

Speaker 2 is Andreas. No.
Oh, you mean your weight class? Weight class, and we would be pitted against each other. Andreas, how tall are you?

Speaker 4 I'm 5'10.

Speaker 2 5'10, you're 4'7? No, 5'4,

Speaker 2 5'4. Okay, you're 5'4.
It doesn't matter because it's like, you know, sometimes like John Jones, right, in the UFC, he was taller and, you know what I mean, and slimmer,

Speaker 2 skinnier legs, right, than some of his opponents. Okay, so like Andreas is might be taller, but we're the same weight class.
How much you weigh drace

Speaker 4 170 pounds?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's me. That's me.
You weigh 172? 170, 175. All right.

Speaker 2 I would destroy him.

Speaker 2 I would break his fucking cheek. No way.
Shatter. No way.
No way. I would shatter every bone in your face.
Dude, he's a Korean. He's bone.
He's Spanish. They're crazy, dude.
I'm Korean, bro.

Speaker 2 What have you got? You have so much fucking rage. What? What do you mean, what? What do you have rage about? All right.
Name me one Spanish. Yeah.
Maybe one Spanish UFC fighter.

Speaker 2 Exactly.

Speaker 2 Korean zombie. Enrique Ruiz.
Korean zombie. The Korean zombie.
Yeah. Okay, one.
Superboy.

Speaker 2 He's very talented. Okay.
Yeah. So you think.
Name me one Spanish.

Speaker 2 Sergio Garcia. No, there is no Sergio Garcia.
Yes, there is. No, no, there isn't.

Speaker 2 Enrique Valdez. There's a lot of redheads, though, huh? Yeah.
Paul Felder, that is a redhead. Anyway.
And Corey, we talked about last week.

Speaker 2 So you would be against Drace, and you think you'd beat him, and then Pete, I'd go against Pete. But you know why I couldn't beat Pete? Because Pete's got, go ahead and say it, the syndrome.

Speaker 2 He's got what strength?

Speaker 2 Well, he's got. He's got somebody's strength.
He has, you know, he's got H

Speaker 2 R S.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's hidden. Yeah.
He's got it. Pete loafs around here.
Loaf is the word. Pete loafs around here.
He reminds me of my friend Brady.

Speaker 2 I've talked to about Brady, who, like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pull the pole.
Yeah, pole out of the ground. So, and then who would she fight?

Speaker 2 She would get the winner of you and...

Speaker 2 Well, with people that we know. Probably

Speaker 2 Esther Pavinsky. Oh, what a good fight.
That's a great fight. What a great fight.
I would go with Jules.

Speaker 2 I don't know. No, Jules.
I want to say Jules, but no weapons. Do you know how? Have you ever gotten to a fist fight, Jules? No.
Have you ever been any sort of fight with another girl?

Speaker 2 Like when you were younger, did you get into a slapping fight? No. Nothing.

Speaker 3 Nothing.

Speaker 2 See what I mean? I'm too old. Wait, did you get in fights in high school?

Speaker 2 Mostly when I was younger than high school. High school was a few.
Yeah. There was this Jewish kid who lived up the street from me.
Can we even say that?

Speaker 2 Oh, there was this Jewish human. Right.
That's good. Okay.
There was this Jewish human that lived up the street.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And, um,

Speaker 2 I used to bully the shit out of him. Like, I, like, on the bus, like, he'd be eating like, you know, like a little breakfast sandwich that his mom made.
And I would just go and hit it out of his hand.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah. Why would you do that? And then he would go, what the fuck? And we would go, ah, fuck you.
Or whatever. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, I was so mean to him.
Yeah. Like, I would just, like, you know, hit him in the back of the head just in the hallway.
What? It's very, it's terrible. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so then one day, um, and my brother was

Speaker 2 friends with his little brother. Right.
And my brother would at nights go, Bob, yeah, can you not pick on, you know, my, my friend Oliver's brother? Yeah. And I go, nah.

Speaker 2 So one day I was on the, this is so embarrassing. So one day, so one day I was on the school bus and I hit him on the head, this kid, right? Yeah.
And he goes, that's it.

Speaker 2 I go, what? What's it?

Speaker 2 After school, there was like a field right between our houses. It was like this empty field, right? He goes,

Speaker 2 meet me at that field, you know what I mean, at 4.30, and we're going to duke it out. And then, I don't know, he must be a promoter or something, but everyone in the school was there after work.

Speaker 2 Right? It was like a circle, right?

Speaker 2 And I go, I'm there, right? I think I took my shirt off. What? I don't know why, but I took my shirt off.
I go, what's up, man? Next thing I know, I'm on the floor. Yeah, what? He punched me so hard.

Speaker 2 I'm on the floor. And I'm like winded too, right? And I get up and I just start do, you know, just start swinging.
Haymakers. Haymakers, right? Yeah.
Nowhere near him. Right.

Speaker 2 And he hits a straight in my

Speaker 2 just a straight in my head. Like, I pop back.
I fall on the ground again. And now I'm like bleeding.
Right. And my brother now, he was in the front of the circle.
Right.

Speaker 2 Now he's somewhere like in the back, like just contemplating his life. Right.

Speaker 2 And I go, can I time out? I think I time out. You can't time out a fight.
I know. Time out.
Come on. Hey, man.

Speaker 2 He hits me again.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 He beat the shit out of me. Beat the shit out out of me.

Speaker 2 Then this is what I hear. I'm not kidding.

Speaker 2 I hear that.

Speaker 2 A car, right? My mom had a red, like, red, like, sports car.

Speaker 2 My mom is on the dirt on the field. Coming to get me.
Coming to get me.

Speaker 2 Right? She goes, get in, right? I'm bleeding. Iran.
And all the kids are laughing at me. Yeah.
Like, ah!

Speaker 2 I get in the car, and I never bullied anyone again. That's what you get.
I know, I deserve it. You definitely get that.
But

Speaker 2 that's like, if it can encapsulate my life,

Speaker 2 that's it. Right.
You're the bully that can't really fucking. Yeah, I talk, I talk shit, right? And

Speaker 2 I talk a big game, right? But when it comes down to it,

Speaker 2 I'm a bastard. I get destroyed.
Right. I'm meat.
Well, but also then, why do you think you were allowed to talk shit?

Speaker 2 It's fun. What do you think about that kid made you pick on him?

Speaker 2 For real. Did other people pick on him? I think because he played the trombone.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
He always had a trombone.

Speaker 2 You got to pick on him.

Speaker 2 Right, right.

Speaker 2 He had a trombone, and it had nothing to do with that he was Jewish. I didn't even know what the Jewish meant.
Right, it wasn't because I never saw Schulz Liz before that or whatever.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. It wasn't.
No, it's not because he was Jewish. Because I was like in sixth grade.
You didn't even know then. I don't know.
You know, I know anything about it. You know what I mean? Right.

Speaker 2 And then later, you know, in high school, I think I saw like in history class some films about Holocaust. And I think I walked up to him and I said, hey, man, sorry about

Speaker 2 four years ago when you beat the shit out of me in that field. Yeah, you were sorry for for him beating the shit out of you.
Yeah, no problem, man. How did your mom know? Did your brother snip?

Speaker 2 He goes, Scram, kid. I'm like, oh, sorry.

Speaker 2 What? Did your brother snitch? How did your mom find out? No, she just happened to be driving down. She looked and she saw me getting my ass.
She was fucking walloped. It's getting my head walloped.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Do people get in fights in the Philippines in school? Did you see a lot of fights?

Speaker 3 A lot in my public school. Yeah, oh, and they would use like pencils and then they would just stab.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah, that's smart.

Speaker 3 and say that's smart did you ever see girls fight or was it only boys that fought i also saw girls and then they would just rip their skirt off their shirt and then yeah

Speaker 2 i was scared no comment i got beat up by a guy named david koch david koch yeah yeah so i took karate taekwondo yeah and i took it for like two weeks i'm not kidding you yeah you thought you were a black body yeah and i thought i knew everything i needed to know so i just stopped going i'm good and the only thing they in the beginning they teach you is to bow yeah right and then block.

Speaker 2 Bow, block. So I had this like old Korean Taekwondo teacher.
It was in this mini mall in Powe. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You go, block, right? And I'd be like, block. You know, block,

Speaker 2 block. And that's all I took.
And I remember David Koch and I got a fight. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he kicked me in the nutsack. I was falling backwards.
Block.

Speaker 2 And I ended up like, like this on the ground.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? So I was thinking, I should have taken more classes. Your nuts going on.

Speaker 2 I've never won a fight ever, but I was a good wrestler. I was undefeated.
Well, that's the thing with fights. You should have just gone to the ground with them.
That was later in high school.

Speaker 2 I started wrestling. And I started, you know, my brother and I are very good at wrestling.

Speaker 2 The worst I ever had was in college. Me and my buddy Colin and my buddy Travis and a bunch of idiots.
And we were drunk and we were in an apartment complex.

Speaker 2 Notorious, this Archstone, notorious, like bro, bro. Fucking Watson.
Oh, what's all, dude? Everyone wanted to. Arizona.
Arizona is just like San Diego. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 You went to college in Arizona? Arizona State.

Speaker 2 In Phoenix. In Phoenix.
Yeah, we've talked about this before. Because my brother went there.
We've talked about this before. I can't forget.
Yeah. I don't remember.
That's fine.

Speaker 2 I don't memorize. You lived in Tempe? Yeah.
Did you really? Yes, of course. That's where I went to college.

Speaker 2 But it was all bros. It's all by the way, Arizona State is all bros from Southern California that can't get into California schools, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they want the cheaper route, so they go to Arizona. That's literally what it is.
So it's all like, oh, well, fuck in. I'll fucking lift lift it.
That's all it is out there.

Speaker 2 And we're in a parking lot, and a dude backs up his car, and he almost hits somebody that we're with.

Speaker 2 Now, my memory is foggy about it in terms of why that started, but then somebody hit the trunk of the car. Like, hey, what the fuck? Yeah.
And this guy gets out and he's running his mouth.

Speaker 2 And there's like four or five of us. And there's one of him, and he's like, oh, you fucking bitch.

Speaker 2 All this stuff. And then I'm thinking not much of it because they're kind of chirping.
Everyone's chirping.

Speaker 2 And he goes inside and comes out with a team, a fucking superhero squad of big adult black men. And I was like, oh, what the fuck is this? Yeah, yeah.
The football team comes outside.

Speaker 2 And then it's, then at this point, it's over.

Speaker 2 We have to fight. They're going to fight.
You're going to fight. We had to.
But you didn't have to? Yeah, we did. Why? Where were we going to go? The other way.
We're on their turf. It's over.

Speaker 2 All right. So my buddy Colin is the first because he's the one that's talking to the guy.
I think he's defending this girl that they almost hit. And they start going at it.

Speaker 2 And right away, I turn around and I'm just like,

Speaker 2 and I'm just met with one right in my face and then I'm swinging like a like this like a loser just getting punched by three people not hitting anybody yeah and I go down to the ground and when I kind of come to because I must have gotten knocked out yeah I had been kicked like in the back of the neck shoulder or whatever my buddy Travis was getting worked too and when we got up we had to walk back home because we had walked to this party

Speaker 2 so fucked up and sad and these guys got to go back in and drink with some of the people that were around us oh wow yeah we got the shit beat out of us now we're the next day day where you sore and stuff?

Speaker 2 Dude, after a fight, everyone who's ever. What year is this, by the way? My freshman or sophomore year of college.
So what year is that? 2002 or 3.

Speaker 2 It's so weird because I was still, I was doing the Tempe improv then. So yeah, we could have been in one of your shows.
I should know.

Speaker 2 I was probably in the same town with you at some point. You could have helped.
No, yeah, really. You could have helped me out.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I'll never forget the first, that wasn't the first bad fight I ever lost in, but any fight I've ever been in, you feel like you got hit in a car accident for a couple of days.

Speaker 2 Everything is stiff and it really hurts and it just doesn't make sense. And you're like, I didn't even get punched here.
Why is my fucking neck so sore? I mean, everything hurts. Yeah.

Speaker 2 After stupid fights as a kid, I never wanted to do it ever again. Yeah, because you feel bad.
Even when you win,

Speaker 2 there's a guilt there, too. Well, you lose.
You lose. You always lose.
There's no winning. We need to get Jules into a fist fight with somebody.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to start a beef with her and Esther, I think.

Speaker 2 You should tell Esther that she's been talking shit. Right.
That she wants to replace Esther on my girlfriend's podcast.

Speaker 2 Right, because she thinks that she's stronger than her, and she thinks she can do it. Right.
Look at her face. I'm going to tell Esther.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 Jules said something the other day that you're shaped like a marshmallow.

Speaker 3 No, Esther's too kind.

Speaker 2 No, I'm going to say that to her. No, we're going to say you said that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, the amount of people that got upset about us even mentioning the idea of Rudy getting replaced is insane. It's just absurd.
So it's not going to happen, I guess.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're not going to UC Davis.

Speaker 2 We're going to choose your college.

Speaker 2 Okay. We're choosing your college.
Imagine me and you being counselors. Oh, my God.
Just go somewhere close. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, if I was her actual dad and she listened to me, I'd probably go, don't even go to college. Me too.

Speaker 2 Right. What? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What is the point? I don't know. What do you want to do?

Speaker 3 I don't know yet.

Speaker 2 What do you think you'd like to do?

Speaker 3 I want to be a vet.

Speaker 2 A veterinarian. Yeah.
So go to veterinarian school. You don't need to go to college for that.

Speaker 2 But you're the first one to make it out of the Philippines and get a college degree, huh? Yeah, I guess

Speaker 2 that's important. Well, I mean, you know, she's out here for that.
That's the goal. And it's like.
But she goes to a fancy school now. Yeah.
And she's out here to get her education. I get it.

Speaker 2 But veterinarian school is good. She gets straight A's.
I know. If you can get into a UC school, might as well just go.
Yeah, you should. You should go.
Whatever makes you happy.

Speaker 2 But I I think nothing does.

Speaker 2 But I have to say this, though. I'm telling you right now, and I'm not fucking around here.

Speaker 2 You

Speaker 2 have to pick your boyfriends wisely. Yeah, that's a big thing for us.
For us. Because you're going to bring your boyfriends.
Because I don't want, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I don't want to be doing bad friends five years from now. And then

Speaker 2 she brought Antonio or whatever. And some dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, some doofus.

Speaker 3 Why would I bring my boyfriend here?

Speaker 2 Because it's a requirement. We need to meet him, and he needs to come to the studio.
Yeah, we gotta rip him apart. Yeah, what look at Antonio's eyebrows or whatever.

Speaker 2 Is that you know, I mean, he's like, hey, what's wrong with my eyebrows?

Speaker 2 Antonio's sexy. Oh, yeah, see, that's because he wants another Spaniard in here to help him out.

Speaker 2 If, by the way, whoever you start dating, you do have to bring them by here. That's just a rule.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 you don't like that rule, do you? No, too bad. What is this?

Speaker 4 This is a son a fan wrote for you guys.

Speaker 2 Let's hear it.

Speaker 2 Anyway, um, what a okay.

Speaker 2 I'm gay.

Speaker 2 Alright?

Speaker 5 Bobby, it's okay to be gay. Tons of people come out of the closet each day.

Speaker 2 Andrew,

Speaker 5 this may be a surprise, but you're just as gay as Bobby. I can see it in your eyes.

Speaker 5 Come to your senses and ask each other out. You'll be such a great couple, I have no doubts.

Speaker 2 You are gay.

Speaker 2 You are gay.

Speaker 5 And that's okay.

Speaker 2 You're gay.

Speaker 2 You are gay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Don't worry. We still love you.

Speaker 6 Thanks for being a bye friend.

Speaker 2 Is that you, Rudy? No. That sounded like her.
You know what?

Speaker 2 We should go on a date. You and I? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why don't we go on a date? We'll film it. Why don't we go on a real date? I'm dead serious.
It's so gross, dude. Would you go on a date with me for real?

Speaker 2 Please, but take it serious. All right.

Speaker 2 But I'm serious, like take it for real.

Speaker 2 Dress up, look nice. All right, let's go.
Do your makeup, do your hair.

Speaker 2 No, I want to go. We're at a restaurant.
I want to go to a real date. No, we will, but let's go.

Speaker 2 So let's, how does it work? I pick you up? Well, then, Rudy, I pick you up.

Speaker 2 I pick you up. No,

Speaker 2 I am the guy.

Speaker 2 You pick pick me up. I pick you up.
Will you pick me up on time? You won't be ready, so I'll be late. You know me well.
I know. Very good.
That gets me

Speaker 2 a little bit because we have a connection there. So you know.
Rudy, you're our server. Okay.
All right. No, wait, for you if you pick me up first.
You're not at the restaurant yet. All right, sorry.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's up, man?

Speaker 2 You know, walk out the door and say hi and walk down the steps. What?

Speaker 2 Oh, there he is. Close the door.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hi. Hi, Bob.
Get in. Hey, Andy.

Speaker 2 Get in.

Speaker 2 Are you going to open the door? Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I opened the door. And then close the door.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 and then

Speaker 2 we would have to talk about something that's a little uncomfortable. No, I would probably do that.
Did you look nice tonight? I go, do you... No.
You would dance.

Speaker 2 You would open with that? You look so intimate. You look nice tonight.

Speaker 2 Thank you. You know, it's funny.

Speaker 2 I would say something nervous because, right? So I'll go, yeah, because, you know, I just joined Amazon. You know, I figured out how to get Amazon stuff, and I got these new men's soap.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. So I got a collection in a box.
It's like, and one of them's like patchouli, but one of them does this charcoal one. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so, like, and, you know, I saved the charcoal one, you know, for a special occasion. Yeah, you smell good.

Speaker 2 Thank you for noticing. Well, let's go.
You ready to go get some food? Where are we going to go? It's a surprise. Okay.

Speaker 2 And then we would have another awkward thing where I'd go. We'd speak at the same time, like a bad movie.
You know, we'd do that.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 go ahead. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Oh, you got it.

Speaker 2 I'll suit it. Meet? Go ahead.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. I'm getting pulled over.

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Are your tags up to date? No, I think everything is okay. Oh, hi, officer.
How can I help you?

Speaker 3 Why were you speeding up?

Speaker 2 Oh, gosh, I didn't think I was speeding.

Speaker 3 You were going over 60.

Speaker 2 Oh. Was I? What's the speed limit here?

Speaker 3 55.

Speaker 2 And you, just, let me

Speaker 2 interrupt, please. So you thought that five miles per hour was a little too much for you to handle?

Speaker 2 And you pulled us over? Yes. Wow.
Okay, well.

Speaker 2 Let me do this. I'm on a date.
Are you going to give us us a ticket though? No, not yet. I'm on a date.
I'm on a date, as you can see.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Where are you going?

Speaker 2 Well, it's a surprise. It's a surprise.
It's, yeah. I've known him for years, and then we just

Speaker 2 started, we realized. We just wanted to try it out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's really sweet.

Speaker 2 So, do you think we could be on our way?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Okay. I can let you go.

Speaker 2 Thank you, officer. Appreciate it.
Have a good night. You too.
Jinx.

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Speaker 2 Yeah, did you heard?

Speaker 2 Sorry, sorry.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I was nervous.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 What the fuck?

Speaker 2 What the fuck?

Speaker 2 It's the same. It's the same.

Speaker 2 What the fuck is her? Officer,

Speaker 2 what's up? I forgot.

Speaker 3 What were your names?

Speaker 2 Why would that ever matter? Why would you care? Why would it matter what our names are?

Speaker 3 I just like

Speaker 3 taking gay people's names.

Speaker 2 What's your badge number? What is your badge number? What? Yeah, we can really

Speaker 2 report over that.

Speaker 2 We're going to report people's name. You like taking gay people's names.

Speaker 2 Oh, my name is. What is your name? Officer Dominguez.
Write that down.

Speaker 2 What's your number? 66743. Write that down.
We'll be on your way. Thank you so much.
Officer Dominguez. I'm Andrew, and that's Bob.
And we are offended. Yeah, Bob.
We're out of here.

Speaker 3 No, I support gay people.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but for you to pull us over and no. Well, why do you need our names? What do you need our names?

Speaker 3 I like to keep it on my house.

Speaker 2 Oh, you like to keep it on your house?

Speaker 2 So you pull over gay people, you get their names, and and you just kind of like, you know, write it on the walls of your house. Yes.
Wow. Okay.
Okay, we get it now. Well, we'll be on our way.

Speaker 2 Have a good night. Thank you.
Bye-bye. Please don't.
Okay, let's just go.

Speaker 2 What was that about? It's crazy. I mean,

Speaker 2 it's like,

Speaker 2 you know, you can. Woo! Woo!

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 fucking.

Speaker 2 I can't believe it. This is not real.
There she is again.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. All of a sudden, yes.

Speaker 2 What could you possibly want?

Speaker 3 What do you need? I just smelled a perfume that I really wanted to buy at the store. Were you?

Speaker 2 Oh, thank you. Oh, so it's like,

Speaker 2 well, it's just, it's, um,

Speaker 2 it's Men's Nature. It's

Speaker 2 the company, right? And if you go to Amazon, right, it comes in six pack, and one of them is charcoal, and that's what I've been using. It's not really a perfume, it's a soap, but it's a scented soap.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, so, yeah.
We really are late for our reservations. We've got to go.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something right now, Officer Dominguez, because I have a feeling that you might want to pull us over again.

Speaker 2 So get everything out now, right? All the things that you want to ask me now, please. Because we're really late for our reservation.

Speaker 3 Do you have any

Speaker 3 hairstyle that you would suggest?

Speaker 2 Hairstyle? Well, I like the Roman cut. I like the Roman cut.
I also like when they shave the sides. What do they call it? When they shave the sides.
Oh, for me. Oh,

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Your hair looks great, Officer. Can you make some bangs? Do like a bob bang.
You could easily get away with bangs.

Speaker 3 Should I get a tattoo?

Speaker 2 We don't know you at all. What would your tattoo be?

Speaker 3 I lost my dog, so I wanted to.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you lost his dog?

Speaker 2 So you want to tattoo your dog? Yeah. Officer Dominguez.

Speaker 2 I'm going to throw this out there. This is crazy, but do you want to just come with us to dinner? Sure.

Speaker 2 Just park your car at the top. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 I don't want to interrupt your first date.

Speaker 2 No, it's fine. It's fine.
You already have three, and then you're going to pull us over again.

Speaker 2 Right. Okay.
Do you promise not to pull us over again? I promise. Okay, so you're not coming with us? You're not coming with us.
And so you've asked every question that you want.

Speaker 2 You're not going to pull over

Speaker 2 again. Yes.
Okay. Thank you.

Speaker 3 Have a good night.

Speaker 2 Have a good night. Officer tomatoes.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 All right. All right.
Let's go. Let's go, please.
That was crazy. I'm not breaking.
Finally, we're here at the restaurant. Yeah, we're here.
Oh, my God. So, what do you think about it?

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen this place? Oh, Luigi's. Luigi's.

Speaker 2 It's delicious. Yeah.
And is it it based on the Mario Brothers? Well, the irony is Luigi's, but it's actually Argentinian food. Wow.
Yeah. Have you ever had it? Not really.
No, it's breaded chicken.

Speaker 2 It's steaks, a lot of steaks, and chimchurri sauce and stuff like that. You're going to love it.
Okay, good. You're going to love it.
Oh, there's the host down there. There's the host.
Let's.

Speaker 2 Hello, sir. Hello, sir.
Hello. Hello.

Speaker 4 Welcome to Luigi's.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 I guess there's a reservation under the name of Santino. It's actually.

Speaker 2 It's Santin Li because I thought we would. That's cute.
That's really cute. Yeah, Santine Lee.
Santine Lee? Is there a Santine Lee here for 830?

Speaker 4 No? I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? Wait, I called and I...

Speaker 2 I made it on open table. I put it on open table, and I also called and made sure that you guys still had the table on the terrace that I requested.
It's embarrassing.

Speaker 4 I don't see it here. Maybe you guys can take it to go.

Speaker 2 Hold on, one second. One second, one second.
Stop.

Speaker 2 First of all, I'm sorry. It's under Santine Lee, but this is Andrew Santino, and my name is Bobby Lee.
Maybe you know who we are. We're comedians.
We have a podcast called Bad Friends.

Speaker 2 It's pretty popular.

Speaker 4 Oh, I thought that was with Tom Segura and Berd Kreischer.

Speaker 2 Okay, embarrassing. What's your name, sir? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Pete.

Speaker 2 Man, do you not sound like a Pete?

Speaker 4 But Pablo.

Speaker 2 Oh, Pete Pete Pablo. Pete Pablo.
Pablo, Pete Pablo. Pete, Pablo.
The rapper? Petey Pablo?

Speaker 2 You're the rapper, Pete Pablo? Yes. Well, listen here, Pete Pablo.

Speaker 2 I have a weird feeling, and you can say I'm wrong, but are you not giving us our table because we're two guys on a date?

Speaker 4 Yeah, it looks a little bad for our clientele.

Speaker 2 That's disgusting. That's disgusting.
You know what? We don't want to eat at a place like Luigi's. You know, because this is

Speaker 2 in the restaurant. In the restaurant.

Speaker 2 Pete Pablo, hi.

Speaker 3 Hello, officer, David.

Speaker 3 I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to Pete Pablo.

Speaker 2 Oh, my bad. Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 I know Pete Pablo.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Okay.
Oh, you guys are part of the baby. Have a conversation about Road Super.

Speaker 3 He's my brother.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. That makes sense.

Speaker 2 The gay collection of names.

Speaker 2 He's refusing me a table. Yeah, wow.

Speaker 3 He's refusing you a table?

Speaker 2 Because we're on a date. Yes.

Speaker 2 Pete.

Speaker 3 No, I love gays.

Speaker 2 You have to let them in.

Speaker 3 Pete, let them in.

Speaker 2 Let us have a table, Pete. Would that be okay? Yeah, Pete.
Okay.

Speaker 2 All right, thank you. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Officer Dominguez. We really appreciate it.

Speaker 3 Can I sit with you?

Speaker 2 Honestly,

Speaker 2 we might as well. We have to at this point.
We might as well at this point. We have to at this point.

Speaker 2 Okay. Come sit with us.

Speaker 2 Oh, let's put up a chair. Let me take out.
Let me fill your chair up. Thank you.
No problem. And Dominguez, I'll do this for you as well.
Thank you. Just because we're here.

Speaker 2 There's our server. Hi.

Speaker 2 Hey. Hi.
Hello.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you. Oh, you do hosting.
It's a one-man sh shop. Do you cook as well? I do.
Oh. Oh, okay.
Are you Argentinian? I am.

Speaker 2 Wow. Okay, wow.
So, do you have any specials?

Speaker 4 Chimichurri steak.

Speaker 2 Chimchuri steak. That's all you've got? That's it.
Can we get a menu?

Speaker 4 Chimichuri steak.

Speaker 2 That's all they serve. That's all they serve.
Okay. Chimichuri steak.
Well, do you guys want to put in a drink order or something like that? Do you want something to drink, Dominguez? I want

Speaker 3 a lemonade.

Speaker 2 A lemonade chicken.

Speaker 2 First of all, because you only have chimichurri steak here, so what other drinks option? It seems like you would have lemon?

Speaker 2 We have wine, wine, and water, and water.

Speaker 4 Okay, with lemon.

Speaker 2 We can put it lemon. You can put lemon in the water? Yep.
Or the wine. Would you like water

Speaker 2 lemon water?

Speaker 2 Will that suffice?

Speaker 2 I don't drink, so I'll have just, I guess, a water.

Speaker 2 Okay. I don't really want wine.
I'll just have some water as well. Are you sure there's nothing, there's like nothing else back there?

Speaker 4 We have energy drinks.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh, well, I'll have an energy drink. What brand? We have Red Bulls.
Perfect. Perfect.
Sugar Red Bulls. You have a sugar-free Red Bull? No.
Only with sugar. Okay.
I'll have a regular Red Bull.

Speaker 2 Fine. We'll take those.
Thank you so much. What a weird restaurant.
I mean, honestly, just chimtry steak. Wine? Yeah.
Chimmy tree steak. Red Bull.

Speaker 2 Red Bull. And water.
And water. That's it.
That's it. I like that.
I don't know how they're in business.

Speaker 2 So, Dominguez, oh, yeah, sir. And we'll just take three steaks, obviously, because we fucking can't choose anything.

Speaker 2 Can we

Speaker 2 Medium? Okay, do we have an option? Oh, we can do it. Yeah, can we do medium? No.

Speaker 4 Yes, medium.

Speaker 2 That's the only thing you do. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'd like medium rare if that's possible. No, that's what they only have medium.
You can just undercook it a little bit. They only have medium.

Speaker 4 The chef doesn't like suggestions.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay. So I guess we'll have three medium chips.
These three steaks.

Speaker 2 I'll have a red bowl. You want a red bowl? Three red bowls.
Water. Lemon water.
Water's all around. Yeah.
But no lemon for mine. No lemon for his, please.
No ice in mine, please, if you you could.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you get all that?

Speaker 2 Let me write it down. Why don't you just?

Speaker 2 You can't memorize that? Can you repeat it back to us so we make sure you have the order right? You can memorize that.

Speaker 2 I think you guys wanted a steak, right?

Speaker 2 Yes, of course. That's precisely what we wanted.
Okay, three red balls. Yes, please.

Speaker 4 And two waters, one with ice, the other one with lemon.

Speaker 2 Yes, please. Got it.
Thank you. Yeah.
Sir, how are the steaks cooked?

Speaker 2 Medium.

Speaker 2 Right. Okay, great.
That's tough. Oh, wow.
Dominguez, how's the night been going for you?

Speaker 3 Really tough. I just

Speaker 2 caught a couple of gays on the way up to the high drug.

Speaker 3 Caught two lesbians.

Speaker 2 Where did you catch them? What were they doing? What were they doing?

Speaker 3 They were speeding up.

Speaker 2 like the way the way we were speeding up five miles per hour faster than the speed limit yes okay so you caught them and what was their their infraction was serious enough for you to pull them over i was gonna let them go but they were really angry at me really

Speaker 2 what were they were mad because you pulled them over so that's how many times did you pull them over

Speaker 2 how many times did you pull them over five times five times that's why they were angry yes but i had many questions about oh okay all right all right

Speaker 2 did you did you pull over anybody else? Did you let them go? Did you let them go? Did you let them go? Yeah. Okay, good.
I did. What were their names? What were their names? Did you collect names?

Speaker 2 Collect names. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Their names were Jessica and Olivia.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 We know them. Yeah, Jessica and Olivia.
Yeah, we know them. They live over on 18th.
Oh, so that's good. Did you have any other trouble tonight?

Speaker 3 I also met

Speaker 2 a couple of old people.

Speaker 2 Tell me were they?

Speaker 2 I'm assuming that they were gay.

Speaker 3 The one one

Speaker 3 guy was bisexual and then the other was trans.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. What's the third second one? The other one was trans.
One was bise-trans. Were they together?

Speaker 3 I didn't, I don't know, because they were talking really slow, so I just left them.

Speaker 2 Oh, because they're old. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. How old are we talking? Yeah.

Speaker 2 85. 85? 85.

Speaker 2 85, trans.

Speaker 2 Right. A bi guy.
And a bi guy. Okay.
I don't even know how you would get that information. Did you ask them those? Yes.
Oh, I see. Officer Dominguez, correct me if I'm wrong.

Speaker 2 It seems like most of the people you pull over and give offenses to are gay or in the LGBTQ community.

Speaker 3 I was just interested in the.

Speaker 2 I know, but you could look up online or ask a friend. Why do you have to pull us over? Officer Dominguez, let me ask you a question.
Are you bi or gay?

Speaker 3 No, I'm straight.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, don't get so defensive. Yeah, really.

Speaker 2 Jumped down my partner's throat there.

Speaker 2 So why are you so interested?

Speaker 3 I just like their personalities just the same as yours.

Speaker 2 Well, okay, that's very sweet.

Speaker 3 Can I ask you another question?

Speaker 2 Please. Please.
We're here. We're here waiting for our stakes.

Speaker 3 When did you two first met?

Speaker 2 Well, we first met. We've known each other for a while.
Over a decade. Comedians, over a decade ago.

Speaker 3 Oh, comedians.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and we met at the concert. Do you know Bert Kreischer?

Speaker 3 I like Bert Kreischer and Tom Segura.

Speaker 2 Yes, we know them. We know them.
We know them. Have you ever pulled them over? No.
Because you know they're.

Speaker 3 No, they have families.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see.

Speaker 2 I'm seeing a pattern. Officer Demetrius.
I'm seeing an obvious pattern with the pattern. It's becoming a little apparent.
Yeah, can you please, you know what?

Speaker 2 You're offending me. Why? Because

Speaker 2 you know why. And you know, we need you to leave, please.
We don't want you. I wish you to leave the restaurant, please.

Speaker 3 But I let you in this restaurant.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but.

Speaker 2 But I think it's just for your own benefit. Yeah.
You're doing that for yourself. Oh, here's the service.

Speaker 2 Here's Pete.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Pete. You only have one.
I thought you said

Speaker 2 there's only one. Okay, there's only one okay.
Okay, thank you. Mine's supposed to be room temp.
No, I'm sorry. Thanks, thank you, Pete.
Pete, I'm good. I have my water.
A lemon. Okay.

Speaker 3 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Should I just leave? The water is already here.

Speaker 2 I guess you could finish your water. Yeah, she can stay, I guess.
Yeah, that's fine. Fine.
Excuse me, Pete. Yeah.
How much longer on the steak?

Speaker 2 Because medium, I feel like, might be done pretty close to now. Also, do we get any sides? Yeah.
We didn't even ask for sides. There's nothing here.

Speaker 4 You guys can get fries or salad.

Speaker 2 Well, that could have been an option in the beginning. Why don't we fry that? Yeah, we're getting a salad.
See, if we didn't ask, we just got the fry, and that's it.

Speaker 2 We're out of fries, so we're out of fries.

Speaker 2 All right, well, so can I have a salad?

Speaker 2 I guessed.

Speaker 2 Yes, or you guessed?

Speaker 4 He says he guessed.

Speaker 2 Yes. It's like the rudest.
He's so rude. Can we pick a dressing or no? Is there a dressing?

Speaker 4 Olive oil and vinegar. That's it.

Speaker 2 That's all you've got?

Speaker 2 Okay, so. And is there, it's just, let me guess.
It's just lettuce, and that's it. And chimchurry sauce.
That's what I'm thinking. It is.

Speaker 4 A little bit of tomato, too.

Speaker 2 A little bit of tomato. Okay, thank you.
Can we have some of those? We'll have some salads, please, while we're waiting. You don't have soup? This is such a steak soup salad.

Speaker 2 You know, Andrew, this is a terrible place. Have you eaten it before? No, no.
I read one Yelp review.

Speaker 3 I did the Yelp review.

Speaker 2 That was you? Was it you? You read the. No.

Speaker 2 And I should have.

Speaker 2 And you know what it said on there? I should have known. What? It said a great place for gaze.
Yeah. And that was a trap.
It was a trap.

Speaker 2 And that's why you were like, gays, I'm thinking about, you know, 100%. A great place for gaze is what it said.
And I just thought, five stars, this has got to be the spot. It was only Yelp review.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, Andrew, let's fuck, forget dinner. Let's just fuck.
Let's go movie.

Speaker 2 Right here at Luigi's. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow. So that was,

Speaker 2 let me just say something about your improv skills. Amazing.
Very good. The callback was so good.
Two callbacks. Bomb, really bomb.

Speaker 2 And can I tell you, that restaurant is a lot better. I know we got bad service at it, but it is pretty good.
I think we should go back at some point. Okay.
Would you seriously go on a date with me?

Speaker 2 Dude, you're acting weird. No, in real life, would you do it? No.
Why? Because it's...

Speaker 2 Don't. How fun would that be? You and I go on a date.
You film it, though? Yes, of course.

Speaker 2 If we film it, yes. Yes, and we go on a date and we film it.
And

Speaker 2 will you wear a dress?

Speaker 2 please? Yeah, I'll wear a suit. I'll wear makeup the whole thing.
Will you get your hair done? Yeah, I'll do it. Can we get your hair professionally?

Speaker 2 I'll get a perm. For real? Yeah.
This is phenomenal. I'm not shaving my mustache, though.
Why would I want you to shave that? I like you the way you are. Thank you.

Speaker 2 So wear the makeup. Yes.
You'll wear a drug. And you'll get your hair done by we're going to get like a good hairstylist.
Yes. We'll get a fill.

Speaker 2 We're filming it. And we're going, we'll go to like Nobu.
Nobu. Where are we going to go? Like somewhere really nice.
No.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Nope.

Speaker 2 I don't want to go anywhere where I'm gonna know anybody.

Speaker 2 Well, more people would probably know us at a not nice place than a very nice place. No, I don't think.
I think if you and I went to a red lobster or a sizzler, I think we're safe. Like an outbreak.

Speaker 2 And we're not gonna go anywhere near the city. We have to go like out to Encino.
We're gonna go to Riverside. Riverside.
I'll go to Riverside with you. Yeah.
I'll wear the makeup on a lot of people.

Speaker 2 Well, we can't say that now. Some a fan will go.
We're gonna go somewhere.

Speaker 2 Somewhere. Yeah, somewhere else, Barstow or whatever, right?

Speaker 2 You're going to pick us up. No, no, she's the driver.
I want her to drive us. Yeah, you're driving us.
Right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And when I go on a day, then you and I are going to sit in the back seat together. How cute.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck, man. Please.
No. For me.
All right. Thank you.
All right. Are you down for this? This is fun, right? Yeah.
You know, you brought up Segura and the other guy a lot.

Speaker 2 You got to be honest with me. You really had more fun with those guys than you did with us.
No. You love us.
Yes.

Speaker 2 But I do believe this, though. She liked it so much.
And she had so much fun. I do believe.

Speaker 2 And she's going to deny it all she wants, right?

Speaker 2 Which is like her thing. Yes.
Deny, deny, deny. I believe,

Speaker 2 and I'll bet my life on it,

Speaker 2 that she likes Tom and Bert more than she likes you. What?

Speaker 2 Why'd you do that? Why are you doing that?

Speaker 2 Just to hurt my feelings? No, no, I believe it. I mean, it's probably not true, but that's just the thing that I have.

Speaker 2 I've been so nice. I've been so loving and nice.
I'm like this. I'm like a.

Speaker 2 I love it. That hurts my heart, Rudy.

Speaker 3 Why are you believing Tito Bobby?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Because he's pushing this narrow.
She loves you. You're pushing this narrative.
She loves you. Why are you doing that to her? I just want to see what would happen.
And there was the,

Speaker 2 I know, I looked at she got mad at you. I like that.
She got mad. Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Rules and restrictions apply.

Speaker 2 What's going on with the baby? Yeah,

Speaker 2 is the baby healthy and okay? Yeah. Everything is.
Have you seen it live?

Speaker 2 I had. Can we bring up a baby?

Speaker 2 You literally saw the baby? Yeah. He's vaccinated.
He went and saw the baby. You could too.
I could go see the baby. Yeah, you're vacced up, dude.
And then what did the baby?

Speaker 2 Did the baby like open his eyes, little eyes?

Speaker 4 Yes, he did.

Speaker 2 Oh, how cute is that?

Speaker 2 Honestly,

Speaker 2 how is George feeling?

Speaker 4 I think he's very happy, tired, and happy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And his wife, this is her third marriage. Yeah.
Third marriage. Third marriage.
And how many kids does she have from her previous marriages?

Speaker 4 It has like five altogether.

Speaker 2 So the house looks like a little. It's like it's a runabout of all little kids every day.
No, no, she didn't have five kids.

Speaker 2 She has five other kids? Yeah, with three other guys. Two other guys.
Wait, wait. So George lives with like five kids? Yeah.
Yes. How do you not know that?

Speaker 2 Wait, five Asian kids.

Speaker 2 Well, half

Speaker 2 of Asian. Yeah.
And now they have a sixth? Right. Yes, correct.
This is like the easiest math on earth. She doesn't have other kids.
There's no way. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 She's been married twice before. It doesn't matter.
She doesn't have other kids. There's no way.
I would have known about it. How do you not know this? Call George right now.

Speaker 2 It could be a bit.

Speaker 2 You're doing a bit. I'm not doing a bit.
There is no way.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing a bit.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing a bit. All right, let me call him.
You call him.

Speaker 2 Just everyone, shut the fuck up. Okay.
Give me your phone. Put it down.
I don't want you to text me.

Speaker 2 Give me your phone. I'm not texting him.
Give me the phone.

Speaker 2 It's down. I'm not.

Speaker 2 I'm literally. I'll show you.
I'm not texting him. I'll show you.

Speaker 2 Hello. How are you?

Speaker 2 Oh, doing good. How's the baby?

Speaker 2 Oh, baby's doing great.

Speaker 2 Hey, um.

Speaker 2 Hi, George. Hi, George.
Your wife, does she have other children?

Speaker 2 Just five beforehand. Why? Do they live with you?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I did not know that. Told you.
How come you never brought it up?

Speaker 2 I thought I told it to you guys. I knew George, and I said that to him, and he was like, No, he doesn't.
I was like, How do you not know?

Speaker 2 You had five. How old are these kids?

Speaker 2 Um, between like

Speaker 2 two and uh

Speaker 2 ten.

Speaker 2 Two and ten.

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 Two and ten and you have so you take care of five other kids from a woman and um

Speaker 2 and now you have six kids

Speaker 2 Yep, uh-huh. Let me ask you something George

Speaker 2 Bobby, okay,

Speaker 2 and I'm gonna say something very honest with you, and I've never been so sincere in my life.

Speaker 2 I believe what you're saying to me right now, but if I find out that you're lying, I'm never gonna work with you again. And that's a real sincere thing.
So tell me now that you're lying, right?

Speaker 2 But if you, but if it's truth, that's fine. And I will accept the truth.
But if you're lying to me right now, right,

Speaker 2 I honestly, and you take my word for it, I will never work with you again. Okay? You'll be fine without him.
Tell me the honest truth now.

Speaker 2 Bobby, I've offered you to come over to my place for dinner with my family. And you won't go.
Many times.

Speaker 2 And that's already made it difficult to work together so I would like to you to take me up on this once uh once COVID's over and you're we're safe and you have five and I'll see six kids there meet the brood meet the brood yes you will all right I believe you and I'm sorry I didn't know that fact love you George

Speaker 2 love you guys okay bye bye

Speaker 2 I did not know that

Speaker 2 I feel shitty Should

Speaker 2 see we've been working you've been working for them for seven years

Speaker 2 But why wouldn't he show me photos?

Speaker 2 You wouldn't look at photos if someone had to show you photos. No, but he goes, hey, this is little Sing Singh.
And you'd go, get the fuck out of here. I don't care.

Speaker 2 You wouldn't. Yes, yes, he would.

Speaker 2 Is that Sing Sing? He said, come over to the house and have dinner. You've never gone over to the house for dinner.
That speaks volumes. He's worked for you for seven fucking years.

Speaker 2 You feel bad about it. Should.

Speaker 2 Wow, so he has. Have you known about his kids, Rudy? No, I don't know.
He's never said anything? Yeah. Yeah.
Well, she's too new. Yeah, but I'm telling you right now,

Speaker 2 I know for a fact that he's telling the truth because he would, if he's tricking me,

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding you right now. I hate when people lie to me like that.
So if he's tricking me, dude, I'm going to burn him so hard, dude. I'm being real.

Speaker 2 But I know that he's not because he wouldn't risk that fact, right? So he's telling the truth.

Speaker 2 But there's a part of me that

Speaker 2 wants him to be lying because

Speaker 2 you're going to see a side of me you've never fucking seen before. Shut up.
Not being real. Why? Because I don't like being lied to.
And I don't like pranks on me.

Speaker 2 I don't want people pranking me and deceiving me. And

Speaker 2 I'll tell you who else I'm going to take it out on. All right.
These two.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding you. I will take it out on you.

Speaker 2 And I know people are listening right now going, oh, what is he going to do? What is Bobby Lee going to do? He's acting strange and he's a bully, whatever, right now.

Speaker 2 You've never seen the side of me. What is the side? The first thing I would do is I'd be like,

Speaker 2 i would probably go to kalala and go listen

Speaker 2 i just have this feeling i just kind of want to start over

Speaker 2 and she's going to be like well like what i like well how difficult would it be to start tiger belly over with a different name i'll be mad at you i'll be mad at you right but i'll let it go yeah we'll do bad friends right yeah but we'll we're gonna find a new people fire everybody finding new people

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 come here i i texted him i made him say that no no no no come here

Speaker 2 You guys come in here. He needs to work the fucking.
Come in here. Come in here.
Come in here.

Speaker 2 Come in here.

Speaker 2 Andres, come in here. Come here, Pete.
Come here.

Speaker 2 Honestly, dude, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you something, okay?

Speaker 2 Here he goes. Here we go.
Last week, right? Hey, Andrew. Hey, George.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Bobby says, because

Speaker 2 you have fake kids, he's going to fire everybody.

Speaker 2 He's mad, and he said we deceived him and we like to. Let me ask you something right now.

Speaker 2 Turn it up, Andreas. Andreas, I'll talk to you later.
Bye bye. Last week, last week, for the first time, right?

Speaker 2 I said, you know what? We'll exchange numbers. Did we not exchange numbers and whatnot, right? Because I, and also, you know, earlier today, I was kind of playing around with you.
This and that.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to have a different relationship with you so we can be closer and we can do other things together, right? If you're lying to me right now, dude, so does George have five other kids?

Speaker 2 That's the right fucking answer. That's the right fucking answer.

Speaker 2 That's the right fucking answer. This is the bully.
You see the bully? You see the little bully? I don't know you anymore, right? I don't know you, right? You're new, right?

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something right now. Let's build this fucking relationship, you and I, with honesty, right? Does he have five other kids?

Speaker 2 What? He doesn't. You may be.
removed and does that. Oh, God, you're such a fucking brat.
You know what I mean? I swear to fucking God, dude.

Speaker 2 He's fucking lied to me, George, in front of my fucking eyes.

Speaker 2 And you know what's so funny about that?

Speaker 2 Kudos for George for finally getting a pair of balls and fucking having some fun. Because he always gets scared of you when you say some shit like that.

Speaker 2 It's super irrational, and you like force him into this weird bully kid.

Speaker 2 I'm calling him right now. Call him.
I'm calling him right now. Hey, okay, time out.
Before you do it, time out.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to fire him. No, no, let's talk.
Let's talk. Let's talk.
Yeah. Let's talk.
Let's all talk for a second. Okay.
Call him. Yeah.
And seriously be like, I know that Andrew made you lie.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So I'm not kidding.
I'm gonna. Bad friends is over.
We're still gonna work together. But the Andrew thing, gone.

Speaker 2 Let me call him. He doesn't, I've never pulled up prank on him.
Yeah. So what are you gonna do? I'm gonna say that I'm outside that you get fired.

Speaker 2 You're gonna say you're outside because Bobby just fired you? Yeah. Yeah, that's better.
Okay, but we gotta have it on the, you gotta have it on the mic. Right, right, man.
Yeah, yeah, that's fine.

Speaker 2 Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, but let me say something right now, dude.
You have to be Academy Award-winning convincing. Well, get on the fucking camera so we can watch it.

Speaker 2 Get down there so we can watch him get fired. Okay,

Speaker 2 huge, by the way.

Speaker 2 George, by the way, do not break. I swear I won't.
I say, I won't. You break.
What a nice quality.

Speaker 2 Yo, yo. Hey, George.
Hey. Sorry.

Speaker 4 Bobby got really mad. I think maybe you have to call him.
I'm outside. He just fired me.

Speaker 2 Just actually?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 He, uh,

Speaker 4 I don't know I think Pete is fine you know he's uh

Speaker 4 he's finishing the show today but uh

Speaker 2 I I guess I'm yeah I'm just gonna go home but really

Speaker 2 he's like

Speaker 2 yeah there's a

Speaker 4 I mean he's really I think he's really mad at you too and uh Andrew's trying to calm him calm him down you know but poof I never seen him like that he just broke the the

Speaker 4 the tito thing the bug in the on the table and

Speaker 4 he throws something on my face but you know I douch it but

Speaker 4 yeah

Speaker 4 um

Speaker 4 shit

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 you you told me that he was fun he's an asshole

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 there must be something else going on

Speaker 2 well anyway uh I want to let you go, but yeah, I think you should call him

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 Okay, sorry. Bye

Speaker 2 Very good. He's gonna kill me.
He's gonna kill me. He's gonna kill me.

Speaker 2 I think you went a little too far. I thought you did

Speaker 2 the throwing stuff

Speaker 2 overkill. You know what I mean? I wanted to make sure that I threw something in there to no, no, no.
You did good. You did good.

Speaker 2 The throwing stuff made it seem so I'm not gonna call him until he calls me. But he's going to call him.
But when he calls you, voicemail him.

Speaker 4 He's going to be voicemail him.

Speaker 2 Voicemail him. I'll go right to voicemail.
Yeah, right. Okay.

Speaker 4 I'm going to get fired on the other end.

Speaker 2 No, you're not. You're fired.

Speaker 2 You're hired here forever. And if he fires you, I fire him.
You're good for the guy. I'm not telling you that right now.
That's the power. He fires you, I fire him.
We rehire you. You own the company.

Speaker 2 Okay, now should I pick? Can you call him again? Right to voicemail. Right away.
Again? Right away. One more time.
Okay, one more time. Just like we

Speaker 2 got. It's the third one I pick up.
Yeah, that's fine. All right.
But I need to hear it then. He's a fanatic.

Speaker 2 But you've done this a lot with him of making him feel nervous. But I want you to be like super low-key.
Be like, no, I made up my mind.

Speaker 2 I'm done. Because if you're high, he'll know it's worth it.

Speaker 2 Great. Great acting note.
Thank you. Thank you.
He's not calling me again. Because now he's nervous.
Now he's

Speaker 2 actually fucking nervous. So do I call him?

Speaker 4 Yeah, before he calls Kalila.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because he'll call him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right, you're right, you're right. I got to call him now.

Speaker 2 you're right you're right i gotta call him now you're right you're right you're right right let me text kalila and say don't pick up if george calls

Speaker 2 hey bobby

Speaker 2 hey um

Speaker 2 dude i just i i just fired andreas

Speaker 2 and i i think i'm thinking about firing pete i don't know pete really didn't do anything but i just don't like being lied to and i'm listening dude i'm like you know i was rageful at first but i'm kind of to my senses and i think it it's just,

Speaker 2 I think what happened was like over the years, I um

Speaker 2 I just felt like the deal between all of us, I think that's what the bottom line is, like the deal between all of us, I felt like was unfair.

Speaker 2 And then like it just came up when I found out the lions finds a prank or whatever.

Speaker 2 But I think that that, you know, I mean, the hidden thing underneath it was like this, my just resentment or whatever. And it's just, I just think that, you know,

Speaker 2 I think I want to start over, man.

Speaker 2 I think that's what it boils down to. It's like, I know it says something stupid and petty about lying and being tricked.
I don't know. It was so fucking weird, man.

Speaker 2 I've never snapped like that before in my life.

Speaker 2 I've never fucking, I've never done that before in my life, man. I feel fucking, I fucking got violent, man.
And it's like, I just don't, I thought, I don't know, man.

Speaker 2 I can't even know what words to say, man.

Speaker 2 Maybe we wait a couple days until I calm down, but it's like, I don't know, dude. It's like, I don't like being made fun of i feel like i was just being bullied or something you know

Speaker 2 uh because i asked you i go directly i go dude i go you you you're honest with me and then you just didn't

Speaker 2 you went on with it and then it's like i

Speaker 2 body i thought like you would owe it you would always back me dude no you would always back me dude i that's the trust that we have I will always back you. I thought it was part of a bit.

Speaker 2 How is that a bit when I call you and I say, dude, you you fucking it'll be done between you and I if you don't tell me the truth and then you you hang up and now in my head I'm like I feel guilty that I don't know the fact that you have five other fucking kids

Speaker 2 Bobby I I from my perspective I

Speaker 2 was just I was got a text from Santiago but like I needed to tell you I had

Speaker 2 fucking side with that piece of shit

Speaker 2 You would side with him.

Speaker 2 We're closer

Speaker 2 We are close Bobby. I thought it was was completely a bit, so I didn't want to ruin the bit.
I did not know.

Speaker 2 The bit is the bit. Okay, let me just say something, dude.

Speaker 2 In comedy, dude, the bit,

Speaker 2 when one of the guys in the bit says to another guy,

Speaker 2 hey, be honest with me, dude, right now, or these consequences, you know, because and then it's like, when you don't do it, it's like it crosses a line, bro.

Speaker 2 I did not know.

Speaker 2 I've told like Jules to

Speaker 2 fib for the for a bit before, like by saying that she brought the knife and I'm not. Well,

Speaker 2 I'm going to say this right now, dude. Andres is done.
I fucking, that guy is a weasel, and he's done. All right, so I'll talk to you tomorrow.
Don't call Kalila. Don't, don't, contact me.

Speaker 2 I'll contact you.

Speaker 2 Fuck, man.

Speaker 2 I don't.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. What? We gotta let it sink.
No. I know, but he's gonna lose it.
He let it sink. He's gonna lose it.
He's gonna lose it. No, he's a newborn baby.
He's gonna let it sink. Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 Let it sink in. Oh, God, dude.
He's panicking. How are you on his side? She knows.

Speaker 5 I like George, too.

Speaker 2 This is pretty fun. All right, let her call George then.
Who? Let Rudy call George. This is your acting.
No!

Speaker 2 You're not going to be a looter. You're not going to be a little bit.
You're not going to be a loot. Well, then call him and tell him it's all okay.
Okay. Yeah, that's why.
Why don't you do that?

Speaker 2 Because he'll like it coming from her.

Speaker 2 Because, by the way, he's got a newborn kid. He's probably having a heart attack.
There's a guilt. There's a guilt, but not really.
That was fun, though. God, you were good.
That was good.

Speaker 2 Don't prank me, please. God, you sold it so good.
What a not prank. We just were joking about him having kids.
I know. All right, put it on speaker.

Speaker 2 Talking about blowing something out of proportion.

Speaker 2 Jesus, God.

Speaker 2 He knows.

Speaker 3 Hey, Joel. George.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's a prank.

Speaker 3 It's a prank.

Speaker 2 George, it's a prank. It's a prank.
It's a prank, George. It's a prompt, George.

Speaker 2 Stop. Fucking Andres.

Speaker 2 Pattaboy, Andres.

Speaker 2 Earning your stripes. You get a raise, Andres.
You get a double raise.

Speaker 2 He said they made him. Andre, you and I are done, Andres?

Speaker 2 Sorry, Jules. I gotta call somebody.
Okay, bye, George.

Speaker 2 Wow, that was funny. So funny.

Speaker 2 You know who he's calling. My girlfriend.
He's calling me. No, he's calling someone to.

Speaker 2 Oh, is he calling you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Should I pick it up? 100%. Speaker, speaker, speaker.

Speaker 4 Hey, boss.

Speaker 2 Fucking Andres.

Speaker 2 We go back. There is trust between us.
We go back how many years?

Speaker 4 Many years.

Speaker 2 There is trust between us. That trust is growing right now.

Speaker 2 Don't call my wife. Don't call anybody.
You just drive straight home. We're not having a Tiger Belly upload tomorrow.
I'm not sure if this episode of Bad Friends is going to upload this weekend.

Speaker 2 He's kidding. He's kidding.

Speaker 2 When George tries to get tough,

Speaker 2 he can't do it.

Speaker 2 It's like unacting. George, we love you, George.
Yeah, Georgie. Get back to us soon.

Speaker 2 Bye, guys. Bye, dude.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 let's give a little clap for Andres for participating. And talk to me.
Andres, come in here for a second. That was good.
Well, he has to get off the mic when he comes in. It doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 I don't give a fuck. Then we can't hear him.
It doesn't matter. I don't want to say that.
Andres. I want to tell you something.
I want to tell you something. Listen.
He's sweating. I know.

Speaker 2 know go stand over there so we can see you on last week last week when we exchanged numbers you know and then today you know and what you just did today huge it it now brings you up to a level with me that's like now we're peers you know what I mean I'm a little head ahead of you I have a little bit more power but my point though is is that we're getting there and I wanted to say thank you so much for your service congratulations let's do great work together in the future let's make movies let's do be creative and let's um find a way to get George out of here.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. Thank you.
Honestly, honestly.

Speaker 2 Find a way. Find a way.

Speaker 2 So you wouldn't do, you wouldn't. Let's suppose.
Okay, let's say I go, all right, I have a

Speaker 2 comedy. You're going to play.
What? Is it a comedy? No. Well, then, why? I don't know why I'm doing it.
I'm just saying that. So you wouldn't do a movie just based on money.

Speaker 2 If it was a fucking absurd amount of money. Right.
A million dollars, right? A million dollars to do what?

Speaker 2 It's a movie called Gay Hitler.

Speaker 2 First of all, keep the money. I'm in.

Speaker 2 Right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's hilarious. But you're, you know, Hitler's a lover.
Okay, I'm in. Okay.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 it's kind of like soft porn. I'm in.

Speaker 2 Right. So, you know, there's not going to be a real insertion going on.
Even better. Okay.

Speaker 2 But if I want to, I can.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, yeah, I mean. Perfect.

Speaker 2 Let me see who's playing Hitler. Perfect.
We just broke Ron Jeremy out of prison.

Speaker 2 Amen. So you're just playing gay Hitler.
Okay. Right? And there's no real insertion going on, but there is like skin contact.
Fine. Right.
Love it. Hold the penis, skin contact.

Speaker 2 Like I said, keep the money. That's my film.