The Bottoms of Turtle Island

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Speaker 2 Yo, we got a merch update. The greatest rock and blues band of all time, Bad Friends, is here, compiled by, of course, Rudy Jules with Carlos Santilius, Peter Blythe Mulave,

Speaker 2 and of course, your favorite, George Trinidad. So pick up those shirts.
And also, 420 Special. For 420, man,

Speaker 2 we are restocking these tie-dyes and the tie-dye tees. So go check that out right now at badfriendsmerch.com or in the merch bar down below if you're on the YouTubes.

Speaker 2 Also, this weekend, Andrew Santino, I am going to be in Brea, Southern California.

Speaker 2 If you live in the Southern California era and you want to see me do an hour, I'm going to be at the Brea Improv, the 23rd and 24th, four shows. That's all we got.
Come see me.

Speaker 2 Go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets. AndrewSantino.com, Southern California.
Let's go. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude.

Speaker 3 I mean Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 Probably you two or something. We're bad friends.
Puppy report. Oh,

Speaker 2 puppy report.

Speaker 4 It's very chaotic.

Speaker 2 It's chaotic. My room smells like three puppies.
What you posted was so cute, that dog's face. Oh my god.
It's so cute. They're so cute.
I always go in there. Are they pooping all over your room?

Speaker 2 Piss, poo, everything. Love it.
Why? I just think it's a part of puppy life. Yeah, it is.
And the puddles are this big. They're not big.
I know, but you have to understand that, like, her room, right?

Speaker 2 We have a little gate. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then we have three adult dogs wanting to get at these three puppies and eat them. Yeah.
So it's a whole event. But isn't it, what isn't it just upstairs, downstairs?

Speaker 2 You separate them by floors, don't you? Do that? No, not

Speaker 2 you got it for the puppies, you should, just in case. Yeah, but then she has to stay downstairs.
There's nothing downstairs. It's grim down there.
Is it scary down there?

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you not like sleeping down there? No, I like it. I'm fine with it.
Yeah, she loves creeping. Look at her.
Look at her. Are you stoned?

Speaker 4 No, I just woke up.

Speaker 2 I know. She just woke up from a nap.
Dude, what? What do you have? You don't do anything. She has this week off, too.
It's like, you're on vacation, correct?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I'm taking care of the puppy. Yeah, it is a lot.
Well, that's annoying. I understand how

Speaker 2 when we had our dog, it was literally, I was shooting at the time, too. So I was getting no sleep already because I was shooting 14-hour days.
And the puppy would wake up 3:30 a.m., 4.30 a.m., 5 a.m.

Speaker 2 Kind of like your alarm, 5, 6, 7. And then I'd go to work at 7.30.
Is your, do you want a second pup dog or no? Really bad, actually.

Speaker 2 You want to look, take, take, you want to take a look at our puppies? Yeah, actually, I'm serious. We just took, we literally just talked about getting another dog.
Take a look at our puppies.

Speaker 2 Well, what kind of they?

Speaker 4 At the Kalai said they might be half pit bull.

Speaker 2 I just, my only worry is how big they get. I can't have really big dogs.

Speaker 2 We have one called Stumpy. Oh, I like that already.
They're all the same. But don't we have Stumpy?

Speaker 4 He looks like a hot dog.

Speaker 2 He looks like a hot dog. And not only that.
Like a wiener dog? He looks like one, yeah. Wiener dogs are awesome.
But it can't be because then they're all wiener dogs, no?

Speaker 2 Or can a dog have like a poodle and a Rottweil come out? Well, these are all from the same litter.

Speaker 2 So they're all the same. But wait a minute.
One looks like a wiener dog and one looks like a diet. Yeah, he's actually

Speaker 2 stumpy. No, he's, I don't want to say this, but

Speaker 3 not stumpy.

Speaker 2 Stubby. Stubby.
Hold stubby. We just named it yesterday.
Give me a fucking break. Relax.
But he's

Speaker 2 mentally.

Speaker 2 Challenged? challenged

Speaker 2 yeah that's what kalala said i'm not saying

Speaker 2 she said it he's just slow he's slow can dogs have down syndrome i don't know but he just like this is

Speaker 2 when you go in the room and the puppies are coming toward me yeah stumpy is just like the when he barks he's like

Speaker 2 yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 2 can dog because down syndrome is categorized as having 47 chromosomes 23 oh right right that's not right it can't it can't be diagnosed in dogs who by default have 78 chromosomes wow Wow. Do dogs have

Speaker 2 can dogs be slow, though? Is that a real thing? Like, can you have a

Speaker 2 obviously some dogs are smarter than others? No, but I'm saying, okay, right. But that's like some people are smarter than others.
But I'm saying, can they have a mental disability? There has to be.

Speaker 2 They're right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because my buddy's dog, I'm not making this up, used to run into the walls all the time in the broad daylight. And they got his vision checked.
They thought, maybe he's blind.

Speaker 2 They were like, no, he's fine. What's wrong? And he's like, well, he's just running into the walls.
And they're like, bad depth perception. It's like,

Speaker 2 maybe he's. Maybe there's no dog.
Dogs have to have Tourette's, too, right? It is also true that dogs develop mental illness. Dogs can acquire forms of anxiety.
Yes, we know that.

Speaker 2 Compulsive disorders, PTSD. But no, they don't get.
Okay. I don't know.
Imagine a dog with Tourette's. He's like,

Speaker 2 and they cover.

Speaker 2 But sometimes he barks. He's like,

Speaker 2 you're like, come here, buddy. He's like, shit, shit, cut.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That's silly.
Wait a minute. There's three pups, right? Three pups in the litter? Yeah.
Okay, three pups in the litter. I'll take a look at them.

Speaker 2 We really will. I mean, my only concern is how big.
I can't have big dogs. I don't know.
They're not going to be big. I don't have a big enough.

Speaker 3 I think they'll be just medium.

Speaker 2 You can tell by their paws. If they have big paws.
Kind of. No, they're going to be big.
They have pretty big paws. When you have big paws.
Yeah, yeah. Because when you look at them? Of course.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Because you know your dogs, your dogs are. You don't have any dogs that are that big.
No, we have little ones. Well, they're mediums.
Yeah, they're all like, you know,

Speaker 2 they're accidents, man. It's like, that's why I like it.
Like, the one that I have, the old one, we have a 90-year-old man living in the house. He's 96, right? Remy.
Yeah, Remy's 96.

Speaker 2 Right, and Remy, you can tell by his fingers, they're fucked up. And he goes like this.

Speaker 2 Each fingernail is a different color.

Speaker 2 Black, brown, yellow, right?

Speaker 2 And there's, it's just like, and then there's a nail that just comes out of the paw itself. Like, he's, like, deformed.
Oh, right. And he walks around like this, and he's just like grumpy.
Right?

Speaker 2 Pease everywhere. Pees everywhere.
Well, he has no bladder control anymore.

Speaker 2 And if it was up to me in the beginning, it's like,

Speaker 2 I could have just thrown it across the street.

Speaker 2 But then what happens is

Speaker 2 he falls in love with you. You follow in love with him.
Yeah, you don't have a choice. Now I'm just stuck.

Speaker 2 Well, here's the back in the day when we were kids, you know, a lot of people would have dogs that they couldn't take care of. They got to get rid of, and they just became outside dogs.
So,

Speaker 2 and but we have the middle one, Julio, that she fucked up. Yeah, but that's because she raised up.
We she raised, listen, don't shake your head. She raised

Speaker 2 Julio as a puppy, right? Yeah, and now look at Julio. He's not adjusted to the world, right? He's a.

Speaker 2 We've had the best trainers in the world try to train him, and then they always walk around and go, yeah, it's nah. What's a lost cause? It's a lost cause.
He's like, yeah, there's nothing.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, and I always point to her. I go, what did you do to Julio?

Speaker 4 I didn't do anything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you did. You and your sister.

Speaker 2 Did you hit it? Did you do something to it? No. Did you sharpen knives at it? At least listen.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you think the puppy was just born that way? I don't know. I don't think so.

Speaker 2 Do you kiss Julio on the mouth? No, sometimes. Okay.

Speaker 2 Do you let him lick all over your mouth?

Speaker 4 No, but Italo Bobby does.

Speaker 2 That's okay. That makes sense for him.
Yeah, yeah. And that's also.
It's on brand. It's on brand.

Speaker 2 I'm curious as what you did to Julio to make him so damaged. Do you mouth kiss your dogs? 100% new.
Okay. No.
You don't? No. Why?

Speaker 2 Because I just don't get, I don't like that. Like, white people have, just, let me ask you something.
But I'm not a white. I'm not a normal white.

Speaker 2 I've seen your family. You're fucking white as fuck, bro.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 Welcome. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So what I'm saying is

Speaker 2 what I've noticed

Speaker 2 is growing up, like, you know,

Speaker 2 like, if we were going to go out, like, if I left the house with some friends on a Friday night,

Speaker 2 and my dad was sitting at the kitchen table, and if he wasn't drunk. If he was drunk, that's another thing.
When was he not drunk?

Speaker 2 There were sometimes he wasn't, like when he got back from work right away. So if I was leaving, he'd go,

Speaker 2 I'm going out. He'd go, okay, bo-po.

Speaker 2 And I would kiss my dad on the lips. Bro, I hate people that do that.
That's the grossest shit. Your dad, you're a grown-up, you're a teenager, and you kiss your dad on the mouth.

Speaker 2 Not tongue kiss, you fucking

Speaker 2 say that. Oh, popo, dad?

Speaker 2 I didn't, I mean, out of your fucking mind. And he's like, yeah, popo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, bo-popo. And he hears zip.

Speaker 2 What does popo mean? Kiss. Popo.
Yeah, popo. Popo he.

Speaker 2 Popo he? Yeah, popo he. And I go, you peck.
Or he'll kiss you on the cheek. Cheek is fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes the lips.
Mouth I don't like. Okay.
My point, though, is cultural. Popo.
Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And then, like, wife for folks, right? You guys don't.
I know, like, some of my friends never even said, I love you.

Speaker 2 To their parents. Well, those are just damaged people.
I mean, I do. Do you say I love you? Of course.
To your dad. I say I love you.
Not your stepdad. I say, yeah, I do.
Not your stepdad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that, yes, I do. You don't really love him, though, as much as you.
What? Come on, man. Are you crazy? Why are you smirking? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 You're totally opposite. My stepdad raised me.
He was like my father. He was one of the daddy.
You don't have the

Speaker 2 full experience, though. No, I mean, if you're being genuine right now, not comedy.
No, that's the opposite. My stepdad was like my father.
He raised me my whole life.

Speaker 2 Like, I met him when I was nine or no, younger than that. What do I mean? You don't even seven? You don't even know.

Speaker 2 That's how crazy it is. He became like my dad.
No, so I do. I love him so much.
Like, I say I love you all the time to him.

Speaker 2 Can I ask you? I say, I love you to you and to Rudy. Yeah, but for you, it's like, well,

Speaker 2 because you say it a lot, it just doesn't mean anything. Right.
That's why I say it. Because I've seen you say it to like Dorman at the comedy store.
Sure, I kiss him on the other side.

Speaker 2 I go, puppy. I love you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you go, good sets.
And then I go, pupple, puppy,

Speaker 2 no, no. I say I love you a lot to people that I really do care about.
So I say it all the time. I say it all the time.
Because if I if I really like you, I know I love you.

Speaker 2 Like Andres, have I said I love you to you? You have. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you really do love? No, do you really do love Andres? Look me in the face. Yeah.
I love Andres. Fancy is a wonderful person.

Speaker 2 Pete, Pete, you haven't gotten it yet, but that's, you got it, you got some time.

Speaker 2 And also. Okay, I'm going to play a game with you that I just did.
Okay, what?

Speaker 2 Just real quick, okay? Yeah. So this is a game I just made up, okay?

Speaker 2 And it's like, you know that, you know that app, right, that changes people to different genders or whatever. Uh, sure.

Speaker 2 So, I have some comics that you know, okay, and I change their gender, okay, and I want to see if you can guess who they are. This is a female comic that's a man,

Speaker 2 okay,

Speaker 2 and go.

Speaker 2 Are you asking me hot or not? What who are they? Oh, who is this? Yeah, um, that is uh, look at how widespread the eyes are. Yeah, who this is a little hard because she's not, she's not a

Speaker 2 comedy store comic, right? That doesn't matter. She's uh, she did Chelsea lately a lot, sarah kalana no damn uh

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 uh

Speaker 2 give me one more hint i'll just you're never gonna guess it i'll just give you the initials just give me the initials a m arden miran yeah yes i got it okay that now i see it in her eyes

Speaker 2 whoa that's arden mirren

Speaker 2 next whoa

Speaker 2 comedy store comic female comedy store comic regular gets spots a lot all right i'm looking in the eye yeah yeah, yeah. And she, and she also, uh, by the way, that's a pretty handsome dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. She

Speaker 2 just had a baby.

Speaker 2 That's Natasha? No. Oh, no? No.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 that's Sarati. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I see it in the eyes. Yeah, it's so much fun.
All right, next one. Wow.
Next one.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Comedy store. It's a man.
Comic. Yeah.
He's a regular. He gets spots maybe on two spots a week, a Wednesday or Saturday, right?

Speaker 2 This dude is, to me, a legend. He's in the same school as like he was friends with like Mitch Hedberg and

Speaker 2 what's the guy from Arizona?

Speaker 2 Doug Stanhope. Doug Stanhope.
That crew.

Speaker 2 Short hair. How about this? He spent a lot of time in Europe.

Speaker 2 Like lived there. He lived in Amsterdam.
Fuck. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You got to give me the initials now because I'm out.

Speaker 2 TR.

Speaker 2 T-R.

Speaker 2 Tom.

Speaker 2 Tom Rhodes. Yes.
Oh, Tom Rhodes. Tom Rhodes.
Oh, my God. Tom Rhodes.
Yeah, yeah. And by the way,

Speaker 2 is he at like a Republican rally? What is that? I just found that photo. And no, but wait, wait.
Oh, you found the photo to Tom Showtime. Online.
Online, yeah.

Speaker 2 I thought the app gives you a go. Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, that's wild.

Speaker 2 Okay, this one, I'll give you. You know what, dude? I'll give you my salary for a month

Speaker 2 on this podcast. If I can get that.
But you have to give me one hint. There's no way.

Speaker 2 For my salary? Okay, okay, fine. All right.

Speaker 2 I don't even believe that I put this in there. This is a hard one.
So this one hangs out with Jason Collings

Speaker 2 and Brent

Speaker 2 Morin. Morin.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He does their podcast as well. Okay.
Right? He's not a regular at the store. He just kind of hangs out.
He's a stand-up, though. Yeah.
He's opened for me several times.

Speaker 2 The kid that the kid, I know what his fucking. You know his name? I'll just tell you what it is.
What's his name? Will Burkhart. Burkhart.
Yeah. Will.
I knew his name was Will.

Speaker 2 I get your salary.

Speaker 2 Next. Next one.
Yes, I do. Next.

Speaker 2 Or this one right here is a garage. This is a good one.
This is a good one. You're going to love this one.
These look like. I know.
This is a girl. This guy's next door.
Yeah. This is a girl, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Who

Speaker 2 she's not a regular at the store, but she's a cover booth person.

Speaker 2 That's Chelsea. Yes.
That's Chelsea. Yeah.
Yeah. I saw it in the eyes.
Yeah. No, I'm very good.

Speaker 2 This is good. Cover booth? There's only one girl that's a cover booth.
That's not true. Are there several? That's not true.
There's a few.

Speaker 2 Next.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is so easy. Go ahead.
It's Tony Hinchcliffe. And I can tell.
This actually looks, if he just put on a wig, that would look like Jackie. Yeah, next one.

Speaker 2 That's Adam Ray.

Speaker 2 Next one?

Speaker 2 That's Theo Vaughn.

Speaker 2 I'm getting good now.

Speaker 2 Next one. By the way, hold on.
Go back to Theo Vaughn. Yeah.
Wow. Backable.
Wow. Bacchable.

Speaker 2 Dude, because there's a trend on TikTok: if my friends were girls, would I sleep with them? That's like a big trend. Theo, for sure, go back to

Speaker 2 go back to Adam. No, no, no way.
She's like a talk show host.

Speaker 2 She was on the view. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back one more.
Who's the one before it was Tony? No.

Speaker 2 But the problem, look at, she looks like, she looks like in the morning. The next morning after you feel like a one-night stand, she's like, why don't you hang out and we go to break together? No.

Speaker 2 Okay, go forward. Go forward.
Theo, for sure, though.

Speaker 2 Wow. And this one is super hard.
No, it's not. I didn't know off the bat.
I can usually see it in the eyes right away. No, it's not hard.
Not a comic.

Speaker 2 Not a comedian. No.
But a comedic. A celebrity.
Oh, a celebrity. Who I know.
Who's a good friend of mine?

Speaker 2 What an Emmy. Play, you know, he's a...
kind of a bigger guy, obviously. And he, do you know who it is?

Speaker 3 Eric Stone Street. Yep.

Speaker 2 That's Eric? Yep.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Next one.
And by the way, I would not. Would not do that.
That's a no, it's a pass. Okay, this one.
That's a real comic we know. No, no.
This is this one. This one's easy.

Speaker 2 This one's easy. You do? Yeah, I know right away.
It's Nikki Glazer.

Speaker 2 You know, I can tell. That was amazing.
I can tell by the nose. Amazing.
I can see by the nose next week. Next one.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This one. This one's hard.
No, it's not. The easiest one.
And Eleanor Kerrigan. Yes.
Come on.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 I'm doing it. I'm doing it.
I'll get this one right here. Zoom in.
This one is the million-dollar one.

Speaker 2 Regular. Yeah.
You know him. I'm friends.
And my friends are friends with him. Oh, yeah.
Really? Yeah, regular. I'm friends with him, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Story person. That's all I can give you.

Speaker 2 I don't know why, but when they changed this person, it was like weird. It was like, that does not look like him.
He's tall. Would be like, Just Lincoln is tall.
Gallern is tall.

Speaker 2 You would know that if those were Gallern or Jocelyn Nick. Maybe.
I mean, because you said it doesn't look anything like the guy.

Speaker 2 Just look at the nose.

Speaker 2 Who's tall like that? Who's tall like that? Yeah. With a pointy nose.
Older.

Speaker 2 Who's tall like that? The Kirk Fox? Yeah. That's Kirk Fox.
Yeah. Wow.
Isn't that crazy? He's hot. I'd fuck Kirk Fox.
That's hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that hot? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Rudy.

Speaker 2 Can I call Kirk Fox because I haven't talked to him in a long time?

Speaker 2 Why? Because I really like him. I like him, too.
We'll tell him how hot he is as a girl.

Speaker 2 His voice is just so great.

Speaker 2 Baby boy.

Speaker 2 Kirk.

Speaker 2 Hey, you're on me and Bobby's podcast. Yeah.
Just letting you know, Bobby did this game. Where he puts your picture into an app on the phone and it turns you into a girl.

Speaker 2 And I'm telling you, I'm going to send you this photo. You're so hot as a girl.
Like, we would fuck you.

Speaker 2 We would fuck you.

Speaker 5 Can I change into that for real?

Speaker 2 I mean, I think it's, I think they're doing this all the time now, right? This is easy to get done. 20, 30k, and you can look like that.

Speaker 2 So, what I don't think so. Is there a place I go?

Speaker 5 Because I don't like the way I look as a man. I don't like the choices I make.
I just don't like the feeling. But if I'm a hot woman,

Speaker 2 can I write it out? No, imagine that voice with that face.

Speaker 2 Fuck that.

Speaker 2 Bobby's being mean again. Kirk, we love you.

Speaker 5 Bobby, Bobby, Bobby and I are going to be spending some time together soon.

Speaker 2 You guys are shooting somewhere together?

Speaker 2 What are we doing?

Speaker 5 I think we might be in Oklahoma together, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Oh, are you doing that show?

Speaker 2 Yes. Oh, I'll see you there, buddy.

Speaker 2 Same episode? Same episode?

Speaker 5 I'm going to to be in a lot of them, so our paths will cross.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 That's awesome. All right.
Well, then, well, then when you see it.

Speaker 5 Let me tell you, Bobby, it's going to be probably the best show in the world. These guys are amazing.

Speaker 2 Of course, that's why I did it. I was so busy.
I was like, I found out who was involved. So I go, I just got it.
I have to find time.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I did the pilot in September, and

Speaker 5 now I'm going back.

Speaker 5 They decided to keep the mustache.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. So how many episodes did they pick up?

Speaker 5 Well, they're doing the first season.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's awesome. Congratulations, brother.
That's great. That's great, you guys.

Speaker 2 Sorry, Andrew, I forgot you were even here. No, yeah, no problem.
All right, you're hot as a woman. Have fun in Oklahoma.
I love you. I miss you, buddy.

Speaker 5 Okay, send me that picture quick because I'm about to take a shower.

Speaker 2 I want to see the picture. Okay, all right.
Bye. Bye.

Speaker 2 Look at this one, you know. He's the best.
I love this one.

Speaker 2 That's Kyle Dunn again. No.
No?

Speaker 2 That's a guy right there. Oh.

Speaker 2 I saw a movie last night called...

Speaker 2 Let me see if I got the right word for it. I love Italian crime stuff.
Tottoveni.

Speaker 2 Do you like Ciro, Siro, Siro? Siro, Siro, Siro. Si, si.
I saw a movie like The Vigil.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. You saw it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What is it about? The guy who prays to the candles.

Speaker 2 It's the horror movie where he's got

Speaker 2 the candles, the horror movie.

Speaker 2 There are candles, right? It is a horror movie. Yes.
Right, but what else? It's the guy who

Speaker 2 prays to the candles, the devil that lives in the candles.

Speaker 2 You almost had it? I was close. You almost fucking had it, but you've never seen it? No.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But was I close? Pretty close. I guess there's a ritual, you know, in old

Speaker 2 Napoli?

Speaker 2 No, I don't know. In the hold of Napoli.

Speaker 2 That's a more.

Speaker 2 No, there's a ritual where.

Speaker 2 a Jewish ritual. Right, but it's like

Speaker 2 what do you got? Hasidic? Hasidic? Hasidic. Hasidic? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Old Hasidic ritual where when somebody dies, right, their body is in a house, and then you have somebody that looks after the body for like 12 hours or whatever to protect it from spirits or whatever.

Speaker 2 Right. So this dude needs money, right?

Speaker 2 He needs 500 bucks, and he's just like, I gotta. And some guy offers him this job.

Speaker 2 So he's in this creepy house with this like old jewish dead man there and his wife upstairs it's fucking scary as fuck bro did it does the jewish dead man at some point come back to life

Speaker 2 something like that but the thing is is that it's like the whole time i'm you're just like leave just get out yeah in the beginning there were so many chances where he could just leave yeah at one point you realize that he can't leave because now the curse is on him.

Speaker 2 Now he's he's sucked in. He's sucked in, but yeah, pretty good.
I want to suggest that to people. The dead body pops up and goes, oh, this casket's so uncomfortable.
He's like, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Let's create a horror movie right now. Okay.
What are you afraid of?

Speaker 2 What am I the most afraid of? Yeah, that's, I think we should play on our fears, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 First of all, what we, you and I are both, if we were going to write a horror movie, figure out what our fears are, right?

Speaker 2 And then we'll just try to wrap a movie. Okay, middle of nowhere stuff creeps me the fuck out.
Like, if, like, I'm always down for middle of nowhere films, I'm always like, ooh, it's so sketchy.

Speaker 2 okay middle of nowhere like in the woods but in the mountains and the woods in the mountains and woods even more dangerous right where you can lose power it can be cold yeah right so mine has to do with the ocean okay so on a mountain over the ocean we got there but just being in the middle of the ocean oh okay we're gonna put it on a boat then no we'll do both no no but listen middle of nowhere is the middle of the ocean to me okay one and the same right so how about how about how about one where it's on an island but is that islands wonderful what a great place to be haunted okay haunted island a haunted island

Speaker 2 Perfect. Perfect.
Perfect. Here's another thing that I'm afraid of.
Being buried alive.

Speaker 2 Everyone. Everyone.
That's everyone's fear. That's everyone's fear.
What is an kids? I've got it. You and I wake up.
You and I. Okay.
You starts on you. Right.

Speaker 2 Sand is in your mouth.

Speaker 2 Climb out. Yeah, yeah.
You were buried alive, right? Or so what you're saying is that I'm a guy, right?

Speaker 2 Or I work at, how about this? Let me just create my character. I'm a guy, right? Yeah.
And I work at like a liquor store in New York. Correct.
Okay. In Harlem.
So, yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm logging out. I'm closing the store.
It's not a 24-hour place, right?

Speaker 2 So I'm locking everything up, right? And it just shows me like just walking with my backpack to my little squalor house.

Speaker 2 I have a really, I live in the basement somewhere in Chinatown.

Speaker 2 What? You live in Chinatown. Why does it? Okay, anyway, I'm Chinatown.
It just feels right.

Speaker 2 I'm Chinese. For this movie, you're Chinese.

Speaker 2 I'll be Chinese for that. I'll be black in the movie.
We're right. We're right.
We'll rewrite it. We'll review it.
We're right there, yeah. You live in the basement of a Chinese.
Chinese, right?

Speaker 2 And it just shows me like a little montage of me like cooking some ramen, right? Putting some ramen in it, right? Rat runs by. Rat runs by, right.
I'm by a really rickety table, right? Sitting there.

Speaker 2 I'm slurpering on the ramen. I'm watching something on TV, the news or something, right? Rabbity or TV.
Right. There's a cut scene where I'm just kind of reading a book on a mat.
That's where I sleep.

Speaker 2 On the floor? Yeah. I'm all sad.
This guy is so so sad. So sad, right? And then I plug in my iPhone whenever I have a phone, right? Samsung.

Speaker 2 Samsung. Okay.

Speaker 2 Gotta be Samsung? All right, Samsung. I plug in my Samsung.
Chinatown iPhone. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 Does it matter what kind of TV I'm looking at?

Speaker 2 Toshiba.

Speaker 2 Toshiba? Toshiba. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 A tube TV, no less. Like an old tube, not a plastic TV.

Speaker 2 So I assume just by your thinking, I'm wearing a kimono. 100%.

Speaker 2 What else would you be wearing at your house? So just out in public

Speaker 2 clothes.

Speaker 2 All right. Kimono, I have a sword.
A sword?

Speaker 2 And your hair is in a bun.

Speaker 2 Must be. And what's in it?

Speaker 2 What's holding your hair up? Chopsticks. Chopsticks, that's correct.

Speaker 2 Oh, you racist fucking. All right.
Come on, come on. Let's get back to where we want to be.
All right, so I'm

Speaker 2 reason.

Speaker 2 For some reason. For some reason, I'm wearing regular clothes.
You're wearing regular clothes at the liquor store. But when when I get home, there's got to be a montane where I put the computer.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 I put the chopsticks in my hair. People will love it.
People will love it. I have Samsung, Toshiba.

Speaker 2 Whatever I phone with, Toshiba TV. TV, TV, right? Right.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 So you're slipping in your news and you lay on your mat. I lay on my

Speaker 2 bamboo mat. Bamboo mat.

Speaker 2 Bamboo mat, right? Yeah. Right.
And then I wake up. Right.
On an island.

Speaker 2 You wake up crawling out of sand. Crawling out of sand.
Yes. Naked.
Butt naked. Butt naked.
Yeah. Right.

Speaker 2 How about how about I still have the chopsticks in my hair? Oh, yeah, got it. Yeah.
Yeah. Because we need to have you have materials.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
For some reason, I still have the bun with the chopstick in my hair. I come out, right? Yes.
Oh, I'd be completely naked, right? And it's the brutal day of the, it's the sun.

Speaker 2 It's bright, bright.

Speaker 2 And all of a sudden, you, your character, digs out, right? And you're wearing like a green suit.

Speaker 2 Like a leprechaun. Like a leprechaun.

Speaker 2 And where my penis is is a little pot of gold. A little tiny pot of gold with going spilling over.
So you're wearing a leprechaun osteo. Yes.

Speaker 2 I work in finance. I wear suits, but I went to bed.
I wake up to bed. When you go home, you drink Irish whiskey.
Correct. Right.
Right. You wear the green leprechaun.
I wear it. Right.
And I do a jig.

Speaker 2 Right. And I jig myself to sleep.

Speaker 2 All right. How about this? Look, okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 All of the bullshit aside, we both wake up on the island. No, we're both.
Are we keeping that stuff in or no? That's just a joke. It's a joke.
It's a joke. But it could be fun.

Speaker 2 We're both butt naked. We wake up on the island.
We wake up on the island. And you and I are ready to fight because we don't know how this happened.
Did you do this to me? No, of course.

Speaker 2 That's not going to. We're both coming out of holes where I'm not going to go.
But I think that's what.

Speaker 2 Did you put me in this hole, bury me, and then put the whole, put yourself in a hole and bury yourself? Yes, yes, yes. No.
That's the logic. That's not the logic.

Speaker 2 When we both come out, we're just going to be like, we were both buried. What happened? We're trying to explain what happened.
So what's going on?

Speaker 2 That could be a twist at the end where it turns out that you did do it all.

Speaker 2 We'll leave it for later. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, correct.
So, we jump out of the hole. Yeah, we jump out of the hole.
We're freaked out. We're panicking.
Of course, we are.

Speaker 2 We had no idea what's going on.

Speaker 2 Oh, you always say something like, Who are you? Who are you? Yeah, you're right. That's the dialogue.
Who are you? Who are you? You're right.

Speaker 2 And we kind of calm down. We try to calm down.
I go, All right, so my name is Yoshi. Am I Yoshi? Yoshi.
Yoshi, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Lucky. Lucky.

Speaker 2 I'm not Yoshi. I'm lucky.
Yeah, yeah. Do we have to have accents? For this, we should.

Speaker 2 I'm a Yoshi.

Speaker 2 How funny it would be. I had the Asian accent, you had the Irish accent.
No, don't make me.

Speaker 2 Don't make me. I'm lucky.
I'm Yoshi. I'm lucky, Yoshi.
What are we doing here?

Speaker 2 I wouldn't even get to the first fucking scene.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 So Yoshi and Lucky. So now they bonded together.
No, let's be real. Let's be real about it.
Okay. All jokes aside.
We're back. We're back.
We're back. So, you know, is there a third?

Speaker 2 Well, here's the thing. Yeah, yeah.
So, so

Speaker 2 washing up ashore is a woman badly hurt, bleeding, right? And it washed up ashore. It's rude.
Okay? No, let's cut that. Cut.
There's

Speaker 2 gone. Cut that out.

Speaker 2 Okay, so in this island, it's not a big island. Very small.
It's maybe, what, a half a mile around? Not even quarter mile around. Quarter mile around.

Speaker 2 But there is, in the middle of the island, it is dense, dense. There's trees at one thick.
Very thick. But there is a path.
Right. Right?

Speaker 2 You and I,

Speaker 2 you go, it's so hot out here. We have to get covered.
I mean, we have to get covered. Yeah,

Speaker 2 you're almost in flames. I'm done.
Right. And I go, um,

Speaker 2 all right, so let's, I found a trail. We go in the trail.
In the middle of this island, you see, like, a little tiny, like a hill, like a stony kind of a hill. Yes, I see it.

Speaker 2 But in the middle of the, right, is a statue of her.

Speaker 2 But it's, but, and it's been there, it's, and it's been there for a long time.

Speaker 2 10,000 years. 10,000 years.
And it's old. It's, it's, it's not even just old.
It's like, it's her, a statue like this, right? Her eyes are black. Black.
Right? And there's red blood tears.

Speaker 2 Right there. Right.
Blood tears. Right.
And obviously she has knives. Two knives like this.
Two knives like this. And she's staring.
But by the way. Yeah, she's like, she's like this, right? Right.

Speaker 2 Blood tear like this. And just like that.
And staring off through there's like a little message underneath what does it say um i can't read it you i don't know what does it say it says um

Speaker 2 those that sleep will die first right

Speaker 2 something like that those that sleep will die first yeah well i'm well okay

Speaker 2 i can't go to bed we can't that the whole i the whole goal of this horror movie yeah is you and I don't can't sleep. We can't sleep.

Speaker 2 Where to keep each other up? Keep each other awake. Yeah, yeah.
And you know what happens when you don't get sleep? What? You have delusional. You hallucinate.
Right. Right.
You also get horny.

Speaker 2 You're super horny.

Speaker 2 You know, because you start getting delusional, right? Yes. You start getting real horny.
There is a sex scene. Yeah, there has to be a sex scene.

Speaker 2 Right. So, um.
I wake up with your dick in my mouth and you're like, I'm just trying to keep you awake.

Speaker 2 So, um,

Speaker 2 I don't want you to die.

Speaker 2 Right, so here we go. All right, let's go.
By the way, by the way, what a good device. We can't go to bed.
We realize. And so, first of all, we read it: those that sleep will die first.

Speaker 2 I go, this is bullshit. You know, stupid, right? Yeah.
Can't be true. But the first night, we both are like, fuck, what if it's true? Yeah.
So we decided.

Speaker 2 Maybe that the sleep could it be more of a thing as like, you know, at nightfall, right? Don't be on the ground. Don't be on the ground.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But we would just build a canopy, and then that would be good. Right.
So you and I are always,

Speaker 2 so check it out. You and I build a canopy.
Yes. Right.
Amongst the trees. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like a platform, right?

Speaker 2 And then we're laying down, trying to go to sleep, but then we hear things below us.

Speaker 2 No, just like,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 A creature and different things.

Speaker 2 That's like an old guy. Yeah, whatever.
It's like an old man down. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? And we're just, I bet we're naked. We're naked, right? Of course.
You don't have the green suit. That was gone.
Yeah, no, we know. We woke up naked.
We woke up butt naked, right? But naked.

Speaker 2 So you and I are completely naked. Imagine, right? On these platforms we built, right? Maybe we're.
I say,

Speaker 2 it's not high enough.

Speaker 2 Oh, we'll have to build it higher in the morning. Don't talk loud because

Speaker 2 I can't hear you. Something like that, right? I like that.
But then we hear her, too. What's her noise? You make a noise.

Speaker 2 Oh

Speaker 2 my

Speaker 2 god, fuck. And you know what? We can't tell where it's coming from.

Speaker 2 Fuck. I'm like, it's coming from over there.
And you're like, it's coming from over there. Fuck, dude.
Surround sound. Do it again.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 fuck, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it? Do we suck each other's dick then? Yes.

Speaker 2 First night.

Speaker 2 The film critics are like, it was a brilliant idea. They kept blowing each other the whole whole movie.

Speaker 2 Don't forget the suck tick. So we wake up the next day.

Speaker 2 Pete's writing down. They start blowing.
They blow each other to make it go away. This is the only way to make the sound stop.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. Okay.
All right. All right.
So here's the deal. I do like the device that we're not supposed to sleep, right? Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But so you don't, so you don't like the platform thing. No, I do.

Speaker 2 But like we can make it say like those that sleep first die first. Those that touch ground, make it like a bunch of rules.
Oh, it's a don't sleep. Okay.
Right. And then the touch ground.

Speaker 2 They who sleep first dies first. They who touch ground at nightfall,

Speaker 2 those on ground will die.

Speaker 2 And the last one has to be,

Speaker 2 one rule has to be.

Speaker 2 Not only, so you can't sleep. You have to be above ground.
At nightfall. You can't make noise.

Speaker 2 During the day, all day? No, at night.

Speaker 2 So this is all nighttime stuff. Correct.
Okay, good. Right.
So it's like, imagine now. Not a peep.

Speaker 2 Completely naked. Yeah.
Up above ground. Cannot say a word.
Like this. And we hear all these crazy noises.
Yeah. And we just have to look at each other.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then at some part, maybe your leg is hurt.
Yeah. Right? Right.
And I cover your mouth. You know how they do that? So you don't make no.

Speaker 2 No, don't, don't. Yeah, like something fell from a tree.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. My leg is

Speaker 2 a spiky coconut. Spiky coconut.
Yeah, a spiky coconut fell from the tree, right? Hit your leg, right? It's blood squirt, like an artery, right?

Speaker 2 I take like a strip of leaves or something. I try to make a tourniquet, right? But but I cover your mouth.
And the whole time I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I bite your fingers because it hurts so much. And then you go to the ombla, and then you cover your mouth.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 So we're, I'm covering your mouth. And then I'm covering my mouth.

Speaker 2 I'm covering your mouth. You're spraying blood because you bit me.
Right.

Speaker 2 Right. Your leg for the spiky coconut.

Speaker 2 Right. And we're just

Speaker 2 right. And that's all night long.
All night long. But then once the dawn, we're excited.
And then as soon as we see the sunlight, we go, ah!

Speaker 2 Ah!

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck!

Speaker 2 I can't do this. I'm so tired.
I can't do this. I'm tired.

Speaker 2 This is good. This is really good.
Really good.

Speaker 2 By the way, just as a side note, what would be funny is if you were pinching your butt because you had to let out a fart.

Speaker 2 You know? It's not a comedy, though. Sorry, you're right.
Go on. It's a two-broad comedy.
But very, very funny. We'll put that in it.

Speaker 2 Maybe that's, yeah. Maybe third night will be fun.

Speaker 2 We'll get it as scripted. We'll do one for us.
We'll do a couple alts. Yeah, because we do try.
We have to eat. Okay, so here's the next day.
So right now we made for night one.

Speaker 2 Our first conversation after night and one should be this.

Speaker 2 We gotta get water. We have to get food and water.
That's the most important. Yeah, because we already

Speaker 2 get the fuck out of here. I think getting the fuck out of here is number one.
Well,

Speaker 2 we have to see where we are. We're getting food and water, right? Food and water.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You build a help sign out of rocks, right? And you say, you have to write help in the sand in case of a plane flies over. Okay.
That's what everybody does. Okay, all right.
Yes.

Speaker 2 I just, why do I have to do the hardship? It's so hard. It just feels like I have to pick up rock and then make a help and take a big.
I'll do it.

Speaker 2 You know, that's going to take all day I haven't eaten or drank. And why? What the fuck? Why do I get that job? This is the conversation on the island.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, I'll do it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. What do I do? You have to find us food.

Speaker 2 Okay. Now, do you want to write help and rock? Just find us food.
I'll find us food. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Because I'd rather go, like, I think I'm better at at maybe going in the ocean with a spear. Sure.
And I'd try to fish. You fashioned a spear, but you get out there, and guess what? What? No fish.

Speaker 2 Just sharks. Sharks.

Speaker 2 We are on an island surrounded by

Speaker 2 no. What are the most dangerous ones? Not great.

Speaker 2 The megalones.

Speaker 2 Megalodon. The Megalodon.
The Megalodon.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's where they come from.

Speaker 2 The island. But the island's called Megalodon.
Oh. Megalodon Island.
And on the other side of the island is where they birth. So that's where all their eggs are, right? That's where I go.

Speaker 2 That's where you go to get food to get eggs. You think we can eat a megalodon? Yeah, megalodon egg.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That's our plan.
That's our plan. So I come back, right?

Speaker 2 You haven't even made H yet. No.
It's like eight hours in, and you're just one line of the H. I'm in.
I'm into it. And I'm like, we have that argument.
Like, that's all you got is half an H?

Speaker 2 It's not that many stones. There's not that many stones on the island.
Right. And then you're going to go, where's the food? Where's the food?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, but it's not my fault that we're on Megalodon Island and there's fucking 52,000 megalodons in the ocean. They'll fucking eat me.

Speaker 2 You take mega. But did I go? Did I say? Yeah.
But check it out, man. I was watching them go around the island, right? I know where their eggs are, brother.
Well,

Speaker 2 perfect. Omelets.
Megalodon omelets. Have you ever had one? No, but I can't wait to.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But let me ask you something. Megalodon would have like

Speaker 2 they wouldn't have eggs. No, no, but it's like, it's kind of like a caviar, but big.
We have to make a creature that we have to have a creature that makes eggs. Because Because sharks don't have eggs.

Speaker 2 They just come out as little sharks. So whatever we make in the ocean, it has to make eggs.
There is no fucking creature in the ocean that makes it. We make it up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but then we have to explain the science behind it. The whole thing isn't real.
No, we don't. How do we get on the aisle? Who cares? We're making it up.
Let me ask you something.

Speaker 2 Do turtles make eggs? Yes. That's what we have.
Turtles. Gigantic.

Speaker 2 Killer turtles. Killer turtles.
That's what it is.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 What it is. Here is okay.
I'm in the you're making the H, right?

Speaker 2 I'm in the water, right? Yeah. And imagine the scene.
I'm in the water, and you see a turtle come toward me, right? And you think it's a single skin. And then you, my face is like this.
Turtle.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because you know, I love turtles, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who doesn't love a turtle? I love them. You know how you're,

Speaker 2 right? And then you see the turtle,

Speaker 2 it opens its mouth and it has like

Speaker 2 just rows of teeth.

Speaker 2 So I swim,

Speaker 2 right? And I'm swimming back onto the river, right, right? I get on the island,

Speaker 2 back on the beach, right? Right? And I realize there's like 50,000 of them in the water. They're swarming around now.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I'm running towards you. Hey!

Speaker 2 What? What happened?

Speaker 2 That's how I would do it, right? What happened? You can't believe it.

Speaker 2 What? What's out there?

Speaker 2 Fuck, I was, man. I was trying to find fish for some fucking turtle, dude.
Turtles? You're scared of turtles? No, no, no, no, no, they're not normal, dude. Go, you go go out there.
I will.

Speaker 2 All right, right. You go out there.
You go out there, right? And I get

Speaker 2 bitten by a turtle. I got to get a break by one.
Yes. Right.
So now they've tasted our blood. Our blood.
So now they're ready.

Speaker 2 And also now you fucking believe me. Now I do believe you, of course.
But then I go, hey, I was watching some National Geographic. Yes.
In my little squalor place in Chinatown when I wore my kimono.

Speaker 2 Your kimono Chinatown apartment. On television.
On Toshiba. On Toshiba Television.

Speaker 2 Television.

Speaker 2 I was watching this National Geographic about turtles, right?

Speaker 2 Obviously, it was, you know, in Chinese. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah. And so

Speaker 2 they lay eggs on the beach, bro. What? We have to find where they lay eggs.
Yeah. So I don't know if you can make omelets out of their eggs.
We're going to try. But we're going to give it a go.

Speaker 2 So we hunt. So we look around, we dig, dig, and we find some.
We find their eggs. We find a couple.
But. There's no frying plan.
There's no frying pan. How the fuck are we going to make this shit?

Speaker 2 Right. We don't have fire either.

Speaker 2 Today we make fire. We grab the eggs.
Okay. No, I do what Rocky did.
What? You just eat it raw? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, you put a hole on top.
There's a scene like that. There's a scene where I crack it, right?

Speaker 2 Drink it, but then what comes out is like

Speaker 2 blood? Like black ooze blood. It's black.
This is not no normal. No, when you open up, it's like, it's like, um, it's like asphalt.

Speaker 2 Like, like when asphalt's liquidized, you know, and it's like like like

Speaker 2 it's like pollut it's like balut it's polluted it's pollut it's pollut it's turtle balloon turtle balloon right i open it up and there's an eye in it

Speaker 2 right we're like oh we can't eat these it's alive yeah we can't eat these right so then

Speaker 2 now the sun's right sun's going down We still have no food. No food, nothing.
This is the first day, right? And we get in a little fight, like, you fucking only do half each, right? Half of the inch.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.
And then we got to get back on the thing. Right? Right.
We climb back up and then another night of. But what happens that night?

Speaker 2 Tropical. A thunderstorm.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 A tsunami is coming. A tsunami is coming.
We can feel

Speaker 2 the winds pick up. So we can't talk, though.
We can't even explain what's going on.

Speaker 2 So we're just kind of. And guess what? When we get back to work.
Like, we communicate with our eyes. Right? So we're like laying there, naked.
Now it's become the room.

Speaker 2 And you're looking at me with that. What are you saying with your eyes?

Speaker 2 Which is what? I'm horny.

Speaker 2 Suck my dick.

Speaker 2 Suck my dick. That's every night scene.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What if this? What if I read your eyes? What if I read that your eyes were saying I'm horny, but I'm reading it wrong? And I just start sucking your dick.

Speaker 2 I said I'm hungry.

Speaker 2 I thought you said you were horny. But I can't say anything when you're doing it.

Speaker 2 This movie. All right, this movie's diverted.
Diverting. Diverted.

Speaker 2 But here's the deal.

Speaker 2 Here's the deal.

Speaker 2 If someone in our fan group has a good ending to this, because we've laid out a lot of tracks here. Yeah.
This is good tracks, don't you think? Pretty good tracks. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Someone has to help us finish this movie because I think right now this is. Oh, no, we got it.
We're close. We're going to end it because

Speaker 2 what we do, no, let's one more day. Okay? We go one more day.
Three days. Three days.
All right. Next day, we're like, okay, we have no water.
Okay, we're starving. No food, right? Thirsty.

Speaker 2 Here's the deal, dude. We're delusional.
Let's be real. Yeah, no sleep.
There's got to be something about the statue. So we go back to the statue.

Speaker 2 We have to go back to the statue, and there's got to be a fucking something there that's going to give us a clue how to get the fuck out of here. Right.
Right?

Speaker 2 On the other side of the statue is Braille. And I said, my mom is, my mom was blind.
I can read Braille. Right? Right.
So I read the Braille, and it says

Speaker 2 a limerick along the lines of we need to get beneath the island to save our own lives. So we start digging, right? Wow.
We need to get beneath the island to save our lives. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or maybe not that.

Speaker 2 Maybe not that. Can I finish the joke? Okay, go on.
And we dig all the way to China.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Yeah.
Go ahead. What does it say? And then that's why I have the

Speaker 2 chopsticks.

Speaker 2 Dig all the way to chopsticks.

Speaker 2 With the chopsticks. That's why I have it.
That's it. No.
Seriously. Yeah, yeah.
What does it say on the back of there? What does the statue have to do? We have to do something with the statue.

Speaker 2 Yeah, something the statue.

Speaker 2 Maybe the statue's...

Speaker 2 Are we doing like a sword in the stone stone? No, like maybe I realize you can turn it. Oh, you lean against it frustrated.
Oh, like, yeah, like, right? And it kind of turns. Mary Indiana Jones of us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's not do that. Let's just go.
It's circular on a little fucking platform. But you get mad at it.
You get mad and you pick it up. You pick it.
You pick up a coconut. Yeah,

Speaker 2 a spiky one. And you throw a spiky coconut.
Yeah, yeah. And boom.
And then her arm.

Speaker 2 And you're like, what the fuck? What the fuck? And then it, it,

Speaker 2 maybe there's a, like, a little cate, like a little cliff on the left. Right.
And it opens up a door. Oh.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah. And then there's like stairs that lead down.
Yes, we go in. We have to.
We have to. We go.
We go. We go in.
And it's a big spiral, looping spiral.

Speaker 2 You know what it is? Huh? We have to, it takes 12 hours.

Speaker 2 It's like 12 miles. To the center of the earth.
Not to the center. No, we're not going to China.
I want to go to China. No, we're not going to.
We're going to try to another movie. Okay, fine.

Speaker 2 All right. We go to China.

Speaker 2 We walk all the way down. Yeah.
We finally get to the bottom. Yeah.
And what's there? What's there?

Speaker 2 Jules. Jules is there.
Yeah. What are you doing there, Jules? What do you look look like there? What does a scene look like to you? That's what she looks like.
No shit. Yeah.
Fucking shit.

Speaker 4 Sleeping, but with a lot of dead bodies.

Speaker 2 Oh. Oh, wow.
How many?

Speaker 2 A thousand. There's a thousand.
Imagine. That's a lot of extra.
A thousand. Yeah.
That's a lot. Can we just do a hundred? Can we do a hundred because it's a little budget.

Speaker 2 It's easier for the low-budgeting.

Speaker 2 Or we could, you know, we could use 10 and CGI. CGI the rest.
Right, or the rest, and just double-well,

Speaker 2 we'll figure it out. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so

Speaker 2 let's say 100 for now. So you're sleeping and you're surrounded by 100 dead bodies, right? Do we wake you up?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, okay.
And what do you say to us? No, no, no, no, no, no. What? She's sleeping on a stat, like a slab, a concrete slab.
No, no, no. She's sleeping on bodies.

Speaker 2 Okay, she's sleeping on the bodies. How do we not know? How do we know who's who then? What do you mean? Oh, it goes to the top and she's just on top? Yes.
Like she's like

Speaker 2 a cherry on the hill.

Speaker 2 King of the hill, yeah.

Speaker 2 So she's on top of this gigantic Sunday body. But she looks remarkably comfortable.
Yeah. Or maybe she's not even slaying.
She is sitting Indian style. And she's right.
And she's like the statue.

Speaker 2 She's got the knives. Oh my God.
She's like the statue. She's like the statue.
She's like the statue. She has blood in her eyes.
Right. Right.
And she's just sitting there like this, right?

Speaker 2 And slowly her eyes open. No.
What we do is

Speaker 2 that's a... I know, I know.
You know, you and I go, we go.

Speaker 2 We have to figure out. What I would say, maybe,

Speaker 2 we would whisper, first of all,

Speaker 2 we got to figure out what all these people did wrong. What did they do wrong, and how do we not do that? Yeah, you know what I mean? Right.
There's something that they did.

Speaker 2 Well, we can't ask them because they're all fucking dead. They're dead.
I understand that. We have to figure out what there's clues.
Okay, well, okay. Right? All right.

Speaker 2 So we look and we go, um,

Speaker 2 maybe, you know what we do, you know what we see? Yeah. We look at

Speaker 2 the walls around in this thing, right? Right. Staircase, but there's, there's a wall, right? Of course.
And we see... fingernails, people trying to climb up this thing.
Uh-huh. Right? Right.

Speaker 2 They would have used the stairs. Stairs, yeah.
They would have used the stairs.

Speaker 2 When we get to the bottom,

Speaker 2 the stairs go away. Disappear.
They go away. There we go.
Now we can see that. The stairs are gone.
There we go. Thank you so for helping me.
We got it. You got it.
You got it. That device.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So the stairs are gone. Yeah.
They've just

Speaker 2 removed themselves. Right.
So we can't even fucking. Because we would run out anyway.
Like, as soon as we saw her up there, we would go back up. We would run up the stairs.
12 miles. We cannot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. It's gone.
So

Speaker 2 now we see fingernails, people trying to, these dudes.

Speaker 2 Imagine people, dudes have been doing this for thousands of years. By the way, it's all dudes.
It's all guys. And women.
Half of them are fat Asian guys. Yes, and half of them are red-headed guys.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah. So there's got to be something there, too.
That's the pattern. Right?

Speaker 2 And then what happens? Where, what is, do you have something in your brain? What do you do? What do you want from us?

Speaker 2 I want her to wake up. I want her eyes to slowly open.
Her eyes open. She eyes up.
And she must say something. Right.
Yeah. You've made it this far.
You made it this far. You say that, say that?

Speaker 3 You've made it this far. Yeah.

Speaker 2 In order for you to survive.

Speaker 3 In order for you to survive.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 Right? Fuck.

Speaker 2 And then you're going to say,

Speaker 2 you must solve this riddle.

Speaker 3 You must solve this riddle. Yes.
Okay, give us a riddle.

Speaker 2 Give us a riddle. Give us a riddle.

Speaker 4 If I

Speaker 2 had

Speaker 2 ten bunnies.

Speaker 2 If I had ten

Speaker 2 bunnies. If I had ten bunnies.

Speaker 2 If you had ted bunnies.

Speaker 2 I think you said Ted Bundy. Yeah, just ten bunnies.
If I had ten bunnies. Finish it.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 4 Andrew took nine.

Speaker 2 She knows my name.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she knows your name. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I will go one!

Speaker 2 You're dead right away. Oh, that's not.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So if I had your ten bunnies. Andrew took nine.
Give me the finish it.

Speaker 4 How many does Bobby have?

Speaker 2 One!

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No. No.

Speaker 2 Because I took nine. She kept one.
You have nine. Zero.

Speaker 2 I'd be dead. You'd be dead.
So, no, how about this? You say,

Speaker 2 if I had nine bunnies, Andrew took nine, right?

Speaker 2 I took one. You say, I took one, right? Can I wrap this up a better way? Go ahead.
She says, only one gets to leave. You must fight each other to the death.
But we've bonded.

Speaker 2 We've sucked each other's dicks. Three nights in a row.
Bagged and bagged him up. Without even saying anything.
We just kind of looked at each other.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Through our own. So we don't know if we really want to kill each other.

Speaker 2 Can we do this? Right. Right?

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 you know what I would do? We start to see.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry.
No, but when we

Speaker 2 find out when we actually have to, because these two swords drop. Right.
Right? The two swords she's holding. Yeah, the two.
Yeah, the two swords.

Speaker 2 No, she goes like this. Yeah.
And they land right there.

Speaker 2 And once I realize, you know what I mean, I have to fight you to the death, right? I'll probably do one like fun glance at your penis.

Speaker 2 I'd go like this. I go.
And then, hey, and then we cut into my penis. We cut into my penis and cut up.
And then you go, wink.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Then we know.
Yeah, you know. Check this out.
We grab the swords and we're both like, I'm sorry. Yeah.
I'm sorry. Here's a twist.
Yeah. The twist is this.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We both look like we're going to attack each other,

Speaker 2 but we somehow know to attack her.

Speaker 2 Oh, you know what I mean? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 People are watching these. No, we start fighting.
Yeah. We start fighting.
Okay, we start fighting.

Speaker 2 As we're fighting in the middle of it, I'm giving you the eyes with the eye communication that we have. Yeah, but I don't know if your eyes are saying, suck my dick or attack fucking her.

Speaker 2 I know, you learn. We learn.

Speaker 2 So we're fighting. We're fighting.
And as we're fighting, I'm giving you the eyes towards her.

Speaker 2 Right? And so I go.

Speaker 2 Are you sure that?

Speaker 2 And I go like this.

Speaker 2 And as we're fighting with the swords, check it out. And I go like this.
I go, I go,

Speaker 2 we let go of our swords.

Speaker 2 And it crosses through her.

Speaker 2 And she goes, you, what do you say?

Speaker 3 You bitches.

Speaker 2 You bitches.

Speaker 2 She calls us a bitches. She disintegrates into sand.
And all thousand of the bodies. Bodies, they come alive.
Come alive.

Speaker 2 A bunch of luckies and Yoshis. Yeah, they're all.
A bunch of guys go, what happened? How did I get here?

Speaker 2 What happened? How did I get here? What's going on? What's happening to me? I was watching my talk about TV

Speaker 2 out of nowhere. You know what I mean? And then.

Speaker 2 But we're still super down low. We're going to check it out.
Yeah. That's the horror part of it.
We're trapped. Yeah.
The stairs are gone. Right.
You know, she's gone. Yeah.
But there's no way up.

Speaker 2 We have to get on each other's shoulders. No, that's, you know, that's not what.
You know what would happen. If there's how many, if there's fucking 500 red-headed Andrews and 500? 500, right?

Speaker 2 We are all gonna suck.

Speaker 2 That's the finale. That's an orgy.
The finale is an orgy. It's like an orgy.
Right, and a disco ball comes down. Right, it's great.
I've got two red dicks, right?

Speaker 2 I have another Yoshi suck in my dick, right? And it's,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It becomes a gay nightclub.
It's a gay nightclub, right? Right.

Speaker 2 That's good. I like it.
It's a good movie.

Speaker 2 Write it. Dear Paramount Plus.
Yeah. Fund us.

Speaker 2 What's the movie called?

Speaker 2 Sucking deer.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 What was it called?

Speaker 2 Because Turtle. Well, Turtle Island.

Speaker 2 I like turtles. I like turtles.
No, no.

Speaker 2 No, what's it called? Well, what could be a good play on a gay nightclub bar scene name with turtles involved on an island? No, but that's, I don't want to give anything away. We won't.

Speaker 2 It'll just be like a nod. Right.
You know?

Speaker 2 Like, okay, you know, in gay turtles. Suck the turtle.
No, that's that sounds pretty on the nose. Turtle suck? You know, in the gay community? You know, sucker punch.

Speaker 2 In the gay community, there's a bottom, you know, like a top. Oh, yeah.
So it's called the bottom. Turtle.
Bottom of Turtle Bay? The bottom of Turtle Island. The bottom of Turtle Island?

Speaker 2 The bottoms of Turtle Island. The bottoms of Turtle Island.
That's what it's called.

Speaker 2 The bottoms of Turtle Island. See, that's

Speaker 2 great.

Speaker 2 And it's got so many double entendres because I mean the bottom of the gay community. It also means the bottom of the bottom when we go down.
Right. The bottom of the community.

Speaker 2 All the people listening to this right now. You got to make movie posters.
Have to make a bottom of the turtle. And maybe, you know, maybe animate some of it.
I would love that. I would love it.

Speaker 2 It's a good movie. Look at what Pete actually wrote.
This. There's a mass dick sucking.

Speaker 2 He wrote like six pages of this. That's amazing.

Speaker 2 I felt like we talked more than that. He took good notes.
Okay, good. We rambled pretty heavily.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, recorded. We have it recorded.
Yeah. So, Pete, go back into our transcript and just, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Andreas, you want your directing debut with Andrew Santino and Bobby Lee? You got it, kiddo. I think this is the best movie I've heard.
The best pitch. This is a really good pitch.

Speaker 2 Imagine if we made it. I mean, I know it's dumb, and it's not going to go.
Imagine if we made this movie. But why couldn't we make something so dumb? This is so, I mean, this is so dumb.

Speaker 2 I would love to try. How much fun would we have making this movie? Yeah, I mean, I would do the whole thing.
Put the chopsticks in my head. 100%.

Speaker 2 You know how many bad reviews it would get? But it'd be hell, but they would.

Speaker 2 What? Every review will be.

Speaker 2 zero percent of round tomatoes right and then it would be a cult classic and then they'd be playing us at movie theaters all over the country people want watching no but here's the thing people know that we made it up on a podcast on the spot yeah so it's great and the absurdity of us actually making it yeah could be the thing i would love to make this movie wow we could just go do it at catalina island by the way we could go to turtle island the bottoms of turtle island the bottoms of turtle the bottoms of island i really love that the bottoms of turtle island yeah i like that you guys are in wouldn't Andres, do you like that?

Speaker 2 Absolutely. Would you direct it, Andres? Yeah.
The one thing I'm worried about is her fees and all that stuff. Like, you know, she's going to be, she's going to want the biggest trailer.

Speaker 2 She's going to complain about crafty. Oh, God, she's going to be like the worst.
I want a double. I want a double trailer.

Speaker 2 The one that Will Smith has with the bed? I want two of those. Two of those.
I want one for day shoots, one for night shoots. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'm not, you know, you know that when you make the statue, you're not going to do, what did they call it? A cast my body? No. No.
No. I'm going to get a double for that because I'm not.

Speaker 2 You're going to need a double for me. I'm not doing that.
Yeah. And then your demands are so heavy, dude.
I don't even know if we can. We'll have to just

Speaker 2 get someone that, you know, I don't know, could do.

Speaker 4 No, I can sleep on the island.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 I don't need a trailer. You don't.
Yeah, she's from an island. Oh, right.
That's your usual thing. Yeah, just go in the tree.
Did anything like this happen in the Philippines?

Speaker 4 A bit.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think some of this stuff might have happened, right? Yeah. Lucky gives Yoshi his sucker.
I got to tell you,

Speaker 2 I hope this movie does kind of come together in some degree. I never left so hard in so long.
I mean, that was what a fun.

Speaker 2 You know what's so fun about doing that? I see it in my head.

Speaker 2 I see the island. I see the movie.
I see the island. I see it.
I see

Speaker 2 the grim. I don't know why we're picked.

Speaker 2 Why redheads and why?

Speaker 2 I would say we have to have a twist that shows why we were chosen. Not because it's redheads and

Speaker 2 no, by the way, those guys down there,

Speaker 2 it's just us. It's like other.
I got it, right here. It's authentic.
I got it right here.

Speaker 2 We put a shining.

Speaker 2 We put a shining moment in it where it's a little confusing and people don't know why.

Speaker 2 So basically, what happens is, right, we're in there, we kill the goddess, whatever, and we're all goddess, or we're all downstairs, we're all like whatever she is, right? The demon, right?

Speaker 2 And we're all sucking each other's dick down in the bottom of this, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And then it cuts to, right, my liquor store, the one I work at. And right?

Speaker 2 Or my, it cuts to my house, my little squalor. And the camera just kind of slowly moves through my house, right? Right.

Speaker 2 And it zooms in where the Toshiba television is, right next to it is a frame of a photo

Speaker 2 of you, me, and her, right?

Speaker 2 Just, you know what I mean? Playing in the, yeah, we're just playing in a Kabo or something. Cabo Park, right?

Speaker 2 And it zooms in,

Speaker 2 right? Yeah. And it's us that we knew each other.
And the audience thinks, what the fuck? Right. What is that? What is that? And I want people to, you know, talk about it.
Let them make it up.

Speaker 2 Right on the internet.

Speaker 2 Maybe they'll do a documentary about that photo, right? Explaining, right? Yeah, whatever. Something mysterious.
I like it. Do you like that? Can I give one more? Go ahead.
Yeah, something like that.

Speaker 2 Can I give one more? Yeah.

Speaker 2 The liquor store that you work in, you're a stock boy. Yeah.
Okay. So after the orgy party, whatever, right? We cut back to New York.

Speaker 2 We go back to

Speaker 2 the stock room. Yeah.
Right? The stock room.

Speaker 2 Where I work. Where you work.
Yeah. And there's a little young Korean boy who's being taught by the owner to stock.
Right. You know?

Speaker 2 Like another one in the cycle. We got to go back to my job.
And the guy goes,

Speaker 2 you could see the guy goes, you want this job? He's like, yeah.

Speaker 2 Your new name is Yoshi.

Speaker 2 But that's not my name at all. My name is Mark.

Speaker 2 I know, but to work here, your name is Yoshi. Yoshi.
right? Right. He's like, okay, okay.
And it tie the way it, the way it's got to tie together is

Speaker 2 put this chopstick in your hair. Right.
He's like, God, this is really racist. Yeah, yeah.
It's like, trust me. Trust me.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Trust me, light. Sugarfish.

Speaker 2 Okay. That's very funny.
I know. So,

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 So go back to Nozawa. Oh, yeah.
Okay. So, wait, timeout.
It has to all tie in. It's just inside Joke.
Wait, this, it has to all tie in. It has to all tie in.

Speaker 2 So it's got to be be either I work or I like we have to open with my job being shitty too. We didn't do that.
We'll do that. Okay, cut back.
Cut back in the beginning of the movie, right?

Speaker 2 We're writing it right now. We both work and live in dingy, sad, fucked up, disgusting.
So you work at like a, you know,

Speaker 2 a pub.

Speaker 2 But I'm in the basement. I'm the stock boy.
I'm changing the kegs. Yeah, all that stuff.
You have a shitty pub. Shitty pub job.
And the pub is right next door to the liquor store. To the liquor store.

Speaker 2 You work at a liquor store or don't you work at a Chinese food place? I feel like you do. No, liquor store.
Are you sure it's not a Chinese food place?

Speaker 2 Liquor store.

Speaker 2 Liquor store. When I see the pub right next door is a Chinese place.
All right. I work at a Chinese place.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 All right. Perfect.
Right? Chinese restaurant. And the landlord of the buildings

Speaker 2 is her.

Speaker 2 Right, so this is what you do. This is what you do.
Got it. This is what you do.
Forget the camera. Now you can see it, right? Thank you for that.
Right. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 So after the orgy in the bottom of the thing, right?

Speaker 2 We cut to now, right? A camera moving into the Chinese restaurant. Right.
Right. And it goes, like, there's a cashier and just a busy restaurant.
People are coming in and out.

Speaker 2 And it goes, and there's a photo of her on the thing.

Speaker 2 Right. On the wall.
On the wall. Like she owns it.
Right. And it goes back into

Speaker 2 the pub. Right.

Speaker 2 And it zooms in on a photo, but she has red hair, not but the same face. Same face, red hair.
Right, right. She's the owner.
She owns it. Rosie McCann.
Yeah, McCann, yes.

Speaker 2 Rosie McCann, rosie mccann yeah and then we okay right so rosie mccann is the owner here this is what she's trying to tell us we're right next door to each other we've never met we literally i cinematically how pretty you'd see the

Speaker 2 moral to the story hold on okay you'd see like look at how cinematically this would play andres yeah you you you see us and you see everyone partying in the bar and they see everyone eating in the chinese food restaurant and you zoom down you know like when you can like like go down to another floor you know what i mean but it's the same scene and below in the floor that's where you're working in a dingy thing and you suck down there and everything is shitty and sad and i'm down, and we're literally one wall separated.

Speaker 2 I got something better. I got something better.
And Rosie McCann owns both owns this. What about this? What about this? What about this? And Rosie Chan owns yours.
After the Orgy and the Varn, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. It says five years ago.

Speaker 2 Now we're going back. Oh.
Right? Okay. We're going back.

Speaker 2 And you and I

Speaker 2 were on a bus.

Speaker 2 Like a Greyhound bus? Yeah. No, we were on like a bus, city bus.
Oh, okay. City bus.
You're in one seat. I'm in the other seat, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm reading

Speaker 2 my book, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Dumplings, or whatever it is, right?

Speaker 2 Hydamic dumplings, right? And, you know, I mean, we have this look, you look at me, and I look at you in the bus. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And we don't actually, we want, you know, I mean, are we gay? I don't think so.

Speaker 2 A lot of this stuff is us being gay.

Speaker 2 I don't think we are.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, we should be at some point.
I don't think we are. But okay, but there was a moment, right?

Speaker 2 Five years ago, right, that we should have sucked each other's hands.

Speaker 2 And it never happened. It's a lesson or something, you know? Right, right.
Right. She just wanted us to meet.
Shaped meat. Right.
That's all this was. That's all it was.

Speaker 2 Are we ever going to explain how we ended up waking up on the island naked? No. Oh, wait,

Speaker 2 the comedy version? Yeah.

Speaker 2 We cut to, we cut to, like, in the end credits, it's literally Rosie McCann comes downstairs and she's like, you know, you had to change the Genesis Kag and you didn't do it again.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, sorry, Rosie. And then she hits me on the head and I pass out.
And then someone comes down to Yoshi. Yeah, yeah.
You didn't, you know, you haven't filled all the fortune. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 It takes, it takes away from the hits you on the head. No, no, it takes away from the like the scary aspects of it.
The mysterious, the mystery.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think because we have to remember, we wake up on an island buried naked

Speaker 2 out of nowhere. This is not like when we went, like in the beginning of the movie, when we go to sleep, right? We both go to sleep, right?

Speaker 2 An hour later, we're in the middle of the Pacific in some fucking island. Right.
Right? So it's that like mysterious. Rosie McCann and mine, and Rosie Chan and yours.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And it's the exact same thing. The same person girl.
It's her. Same person.
Right. Right, but a different colored hair, different look.
Yeah. This is good.
I like the movie.

Speaker 2 It's still called The Bottoms of Turtle Island, right? Are we going to end on the orgy?

Speaker 2 No, because we have the cutaway scene. Five years.

Speaker 2 We can do two things. We either do the panning into the thing, seeing Rosie's photo.
Right. Or we can do both.
We do that, right? We pan, pan, right? And then eight years ago, you and I were on a bus.

Speaker 2 Right. Right.
Or maybe even younger. Something fell out of your pocket, and I picked it up for you and I handed it to you.
Right. And we kind of, you handed it to me and we kind of touched fingers.

Speaker 2 Right. But we touched fingers a little too long.
Right. Right.
So, you know, I dropped something, and we, this is how long we did touch fingers, right? You hand it to me,

Speaker 2 and there's a little bit of this.

Speaker 2 Just like three little things like this. And I go, and I kind of, and I do a smile.
And it's your smile. So you do a little chuckle.
Pull your hand away and do a chuckle.

Speaker 2 It's too much. Too big.

Speaker 2 Tone it down. Tone it down.
Too obvious. Sorry, my bad.
Hold on, on, my bad. Here, here.
Do it right now.

Speaker 2 You dropped your

Speaker 2 mask. How appropriate is this? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, your mask. You dropped it.

Speaker 2 Take that? Take mask. Take it.

Speaker 2 Here we go. Oh, you dropped it.

Speaker 2 First of all,

Speaker 2 I don't want to work out the scenes. We're writing it.

Speaker 2 We're trying to work it out right now. And I'm writing it.
All right, give me the chuckle. Okay.
Just give me the light chuckle. That's perfect.

Speaker 2 Okay, good. So we do eight years then.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I know this is not

Speaker 2 film school kid will hate this.

Speaker 2 We cut right back to the orgy.

Speaker 2 We do. No, because I'll tell you why you do.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I think this is a franchise.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 shit. We have to set up a sequel.

Speaker 2 We do. We have to set up a sequel.
We do. Right.
Okay, so how do we do that? So what we do is something else has to happen, right?

Speaker 2 Just out of nowhere, right? So we do, okay, so we go see the photos of her face on the restaurants, right? Eight years ago on the bus, right? We do the thing, right, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we cut back to the orgy, right? Yeah, and everybody's like, ah, we're sucking each other's digs, right? It's partying. Oh, so there's like

Speaker 2 right, the fuck, it shakes, everything shakes, opens up above, right? And then, like,

Speaker 2 Eric Griffin, Eric Griffin's got to be in it, man. Bobby, what the fuck is this?

Speaker 2 What the fuck, you guys sucking this back together? No, what happens? It opens up,

Speaker 2 it opens up, and we hear a voice, yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 and it says,

Speaker 2 He who sucks hardest gets out first. Whatever.
Right.

Speaker 2 We think whoever's sucking the best. Yeah, suck the hardest, right? And we all have to look at each other.
And everyone's going, suck, suck, suck, suck, suck.

Speaker 2 No, no, you wouldn't say sucks like if every okay, if everyone's competing. Because you can go like this.
No, no, no. Yo, everyone's competing.

Speaker 2 If everyone's competing, then get the fuck out. There's one guy that needs to get right.
They're not going to encourage each other to suck each other's dick. But it could be like this.
It'd be, suck.

Speaker 2 No, suck.

Speaker 2 Suck. You wouldn't do that.
Suck. You wouldn't do that.
This is what you'd see. The guy saying, all right, whoever sucks the hardest, right? Immediately you go like this.

Speaker 2 Right. And you would just be fucking focused.

Speaker 2 And during all this chaos,

Speaker 2 I'm getting sucked off, right? And you're sucking off.

Speaker 2 Right? But this feels so good.

Speaker 2 This feels so fucking good.

Speaker 2 Amidst all the chaos, amidst all the chaos,

Speaker 2 amidst all the chaos, one guy, Bobby, one guy

Speaker 2 gets extricated. One guy.

Speaker 2 And he is got to be.

Speaker 2 That's the sequel. That's the sequel.
And I don't know what happens to him.

Speaker 2 He's our guy. So

Speaker 2 one red and one Yoshi gets to go up.

Speaker 2 You're not going to go up, and then I'm going to be in the sequel as well. Correct, I know.
Thank you. All right.
All right, so one sequel for yourself. One Yoshi and one Lucky get sucked up.

Speaker 2 Right, we both get sucked up, right? Not the original guys. Right.
Just two other guys. Right.

Speaker 2 Let's just open up with the second movie.

Speaker 2 Let's open up for the second movie. We both, right, and then the credits go.
Right. Two, right, we're up, right?

Speaker 2 Right. Credits, right? The PVN.
Turtle Island. Yeah, right.
And

Speaker 2 write the music. And then all the

Speaker 2 and everyone in the theater is like, oh, God, we're going to wait a year for the next one. Guess what? You don't.

Speaker 2 We released the second one a week later because we filmed the back-to-back. Like the Lord of the Rings.
Like the Lord of the Rings. Right.
We had like

Speaker 2 back-to-back together. team.
We had a secondary team. We shot two movies at once.
Wow. Fuck, dude.
Anyway.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. Man.
I laughed so hard at that. One of the most fun movies, I think, that will hit the theaters, hopefully, in 2022.
2025.

Speaker 2 Never.

Speaker 2 Bottoms of Turtle Eye. Too much S and the D stuff, but that's okay.

Speaker 2 I feel like way too much S and D. If I was a film critic, you know what I mean? I think the first thing I was like, I think it was a little bit too much focused on

Speaker 2 the sexuality. That being said,

Speaker 2 pretty good film. Pretty scary.
Pretty scary.

Speaker 2 Honestly,

Speaker 2 our fans, please, can you draw up some animals? Actually, if you're a good artist, can you draw some stuff for us so we can get? We need to have a storyboard. To be able to pitch this.

Speaker 2 We have a storyboard, right? We need some art concepts. We do need art concepts.
Concepts. So please send in that stuff.
But don't just submit just to write to go, I loved it. Don't do that.
Please.

Speaker 2 Submit real art to this. Submit real storyboards.

Speaker 2 I thought it was very good for just coming up with it. I loved it.
On the spot. I loved it.
I thought it was a great movie. Yeah, yeah.
I thought it was a great movie. And I can't wait to make it.

Speaker 2 We're a good writing team, I think. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We bounce well. We bounce well.
And Pete, Pete,

Speaker 2 we're going to make an NFT over this script that Pete did and sell it on the internet for $800 million.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to let Rudy take us out. Do the noise.
Do thank you for being a bad friend and then the noise into that camera. Go ahead, Rude.

Speaker 4 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 So scary.