Rudy's Replacement

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Hey, everybody.

Great news.

Great news.

We've got new merch.

New merch.

New shirts, baby.

The new shirts, they were compiled by Rudy Jules saying that we're in a band together

because this is the best Bad Friends band of all time.

So they're right there.

They're right point in the middle of us, I think.

There they are. There they are.
Go to badfriendsmerch.com to get them. Badfriendsmerch.com.
Also, I'm on tour. Come see me, andrewsantino.com for tickets.
I am going to be in Addison and Houston and Madison and Boston. Just go to andrewsantino.com for tickets and check that out.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. If you go to school up north, you're not going to be here.
Yeah. So then what? No, she's not.
Well, I live with her. So every day I'm wearing her down.
UC Davis. So far.
It's rape free. It's a lot of rape going on.
Did you hear about all the crime that they've just had? They had that woman. Andres, didn't that woman get stabbed in the eye coming out of like a.
Both eyes. Both eyes.
Yeah. Just out of a.
With a penis. Yeah.
With a penis. Yeah.
It's unbelievable what's going on up there. Yeah.
She got gouged her eyes. Stabbing at UC Davis.
Yeah. There it is.
Yeah. Charges issued campus stabbing, UC Davis.
Good God. You think that lady in New York, that old age, that Filipino lady got attacked, right? In UC Davis, they like skinning the young.
Oh, yeah. You're done.
You are done for. They do.
There's a whole Filipino girl skin trading underground black market there. Yeah, on Bitcoin.
People are using Bitcoin to buy Filipino skin. Skin, yeah.
It's disgusting. But Antikalaila's training me.
Antikalaila, fuck Antikalaila. I'm here.
I'm your uncle. All right? Now listen to me.
All right? You're not going nowhere. By the way, what is she training you? To fight? Fight back.
Wow. What skills do you know? Really? No, she's going to sign me up for CrossFit.
You have the body of Jiminy Cricket. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? There are muscles.
Let me see. Your little green cartoon arms.
Flex your arms. No.
Look at those things. Pull your shirt so we can see.
Oh, my God. It's skin, bone, and that's it.
Yeah. No blood.
And the skin kind of like hangs on the bone. Yeah, yeah.
There is no... That's you right there.
There's Jiminy Cricket. There's you for sure.
There you are. Hi, I'm Rudy.
I'm Rudy. Can we get her an umbrella? Can we get her a purple umbrella? I'm Rudy.
I'm Rudy. Yeah.
Do you know who that is, by the way? From Pinocchio? Wow. Dude.
Bro. She's i's not bro i don't know if they have tv over there she's not mentally you know don't they just watch like cockfights what do you guys do when you go on at night they watch this live there's no tv that's right that's right that's live yeah yeah from picocchio yeah but look pinocchio is down there so that's you saw that at the bottom didn't.
Sure. Which one of the dwarves? Did you watch all the Disney movies? I don't know.
Which one of the dwarves would she be of the dwarves? If we were the dwarves. If this was- 100% sleepy.
Sleepy for sure. What would you be then? Bro, bro, bro.
Oh my God. Bro, bro.
Last night. So I'm using a printer.
She's sleeping downstairs because we're- Remodeling upstairs. No, no, no.
We got dogs again. More dogs.
So we had one dog yesterday. This morning, that dog, Mr.
Big, he's gone. He died? No, he didn't die.
Well, I don't know what happened, but the sandwich today was very delicious. We put him out of Ventura and we found out what happened.
Then I take a nap. I wake up, right? And then guess what's there?

Three puppies.

Well, I'm taking a nap.

That happened.

Where do you guys get these dogs, dude?

I have no idea.

Auntie Kalala gets a lot of... Fuck, if you say Auntie Kalala one more time.

Yeah, he's sick of that.

Yeah, yeah.

This is not TB.

Dude, you guys with dogs, it's like the bag lady.

You know the old crazy bag lady who has like tons of...

It's like Kalala's turning into a dog bag lady.

We want to see – help.

I know.

So anyway, last night, right, it's like, I don't know, two in the morning, right?

Yeah.

She just went to bed.

At 2 a.m., you just go to bed.

She's sleeping downstairs because we have Mr. Big.

And there's no more ink in the printer.

And I go, I don't want to – I'm not going to be able to – she goes, wake her up.

See where the ink is.

So I go downstairs.

She's on a couch.

Thank you. There's no more ink in the printer.
And I go, I don't want to. I'm not going to be able to.
She goes, wake her up.

See where the ink is.

Yeah, go downstairs.

She's on a couch.

Jules.

Jules.

Jules.

Jules.

Jules.

Jules.

I mean, I'm not kidding you.

Three minutes.

Jules.

Five.

Jules.

You know what I mean?

She does not wake up.

What is your problem?

She does.

I don't know. You have a sleeping problem.
No, it is. Yeah, that's why I can't wake up to my alarm.
Yeah, remember like last week. I know.
You really do need to go consult someone about that. No, we do.
What if something really real happens and they need you to wake up for it? What if an earthquake happens and all the walls are falling down? You're just going to... You guys aren't going to go see her.
In every disaster movie, she's the one that dies. Yeah, for sure.
Like Day After Tomorrow, right? Mm-hmm. Right? When New York's flooded, right? She's just with the cabs, you know, floating cabs.
And she's just floating next to a cab. She's asleep going down 47th.
Yeah, yeah. Twister, right? Right.
But just in the... You know what I mean? Sleeping in the tornado.
Sleeping in the tornado. Yeah.
What else does that, a volcano? Yeah. Right? The lava slowly engulfing everyone in ash.
Right. And you would think that once the lava hit her toes, she would wake up.
No. She's halfway in lava and she also opened her eyes.
And then finally when it gets to here, she's like, Tito Bob. Yeah.
The meteor is already in deep impact. The meteor is already on her.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God.
In the mushroom cloud, sleeping. Well, we got to get you some help.
And by the way, you might get replaced on this show if you can't commit. What's the nearest school that said yes? Phil? Wait.
Philadelphia? Philadelphia? You know what I'm saying? Philadelphia? What the fuck? I forgot. Well, looks like you're not going there.
I know what it is. I know what it is.
What? University of Riverside. UC Riverside.
Oh, Fullerton. Oh, Fullerton.
That's not far either. That's down south.
That's Orange County, right? Yeah. You don't know.
Why am I asking you? Is that close? Fullerton is in Orange County. I'm almost positive.
Pull it up on the thing. It's an hour and a half to drive easy yeah but how is she gonna she can drive we'll send her a car or something we'll get her we have to figure it out or we can make we can make uh we can make andres do it look at andres already loading huh pete actually you know what uh uh fancy b brings up a good point pete is the new rookie in town.
Yeah. We should make Pete go get her.
Right.

I mean, what is Pete?

Honestly, not a clue.

I mean, how did...

Because he just...

Pete just kind of like showed up one day.

This is Pete.

Hey, I'm Pete.

Yeah, but he's so big, too.

He's just like,

I'm Pete.

I'm Pete.

You know what I mean?

That kind of like...

He's on the computer right now.

Do they like me?

Pete, we like you very much. Yeah.
He has something for you guys again. He has something again for us? Oh, Pete, what have you got? You know what this relationship is like? Of mice and men.
Lenny. Lenny.
You're Lenny, dude. Lenny.
Oh, duh. I got you something.
Lenny, let me see. What is this? Thank you very much, Pete.
Thank you so much. Pete, what is this? It's not even fucking melted this year.
Hey, hey, hey. Be nice.
Be nice, Pete. What is this, you very much pete thank you so much pete what is this it's not even fucking melted hey hey hey be nice be nice what is this pete oh it's the cheese pie we talked about yeah yeah okay well let's try it how long has this been sitting out i don't know if it's been sitting out it's hard as a rock it's hard as a rock you got i want to taste it because i've never done cheese on pie i can't do it come on come on bo you ate my pubes oh that's right right i think this is not that big of a deal all right here this is this is shout out to my boy jake lacy who told me about this from who's from the northeast and said cheese on pie is legit cheddar cheese on apple pie i get it you do already right i get it i get it i don't want another one but i get it i do get it i get it yeah you can get it oh if it was hot oh if it was piping hot piping hot and melted on there i get it i would 100 get it are you liking it jules yeah it's good huh yeah pete thank you pete that's interesting so what what kind of cheese is the best cheese well that's cheddar right sharp cheddar what cheddar is no no that's what they say use.
You have to use sharp cheddar? Yeah, right? Yep. They say if you use other cheese, it just doesn't do the thing.
It doesn't taste like Swiss wouldn't taste good on here. Right.
We should try it, though. We should do it.
We'll get Swiss next week. Can you take this away, Lenny? When I hold a mic.
Wait, here we go. I love you, Pete.
Thank you so much. Pete, what are you, by the way? You're full white, right? You're nothing else I can't see behind the mask.
Sicilian, actually. Okay, Sicilian.
What region? The mongo? She wants to finish hers. Leave her.
Yeah, she's going to eat it. Duh.
So mean. So mean, but look at him.
Pete. Because when I walk in here, he's always just like, duh, with his big fingers on the keyboard.
And just like, duh, yeah. Yeah, do you have an extra big keyboard for your hands? He's got just gigantic hands.
So mean. What did he say, Andres? We can't hear him.
He said yes. Oh, okay, okay.
That's right thank you, Pete. Thank you for the pie, Pete.
Rude, so listen. We're going to huff you up here from Fullerton, but I'm hoping it's in Long Beach because that's not that far.
Long Beach is just as easy. It's like 28 minutes away.
But if you decide to go up north to school, you're going to get replaced and we've already fished out. Andres spent some time fishing out Rudy replacements.acements are you ready to see who might replace you yeah all right let's check it out let's see what they've got for the rudy replace by the way we don't want this we should make this clear this is this is what i do not want because it's like you know it's lightning in the bottle it's it's it's it's one in a million hundred percent because the reason why jules was on this in the first place she didn't want to come no no kalilah was like my girlfriend was just like she's just gonna get out of the house and do something you know and just like and it's gonna get her out of her shell she's shy super shy girl not anymore you're not so she she reluctantly came here yeah right and she would dread every week for a while yeah The first 15 episodes, just dreading it.

You hated it, huh?

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, I didn't want to talk.

Yeah.

How do you feel now about talking?

It's more okay.

Yeah, it's more okay, right?

Oh, my God.

So ungrateful.

It's more okay.

It's more okay.

You have 70,000 Instagram followers.

No. How many? 57.
Whatever. Yeah.
Look at her face. Yeah.
Why? Because of bad friends. Because of Tito Andrew and Tito Bobby.
That's right. Okay.
That's why. And Fancy, but definitely not Pete.
Just know that. Yeah.
Fancy for sure. Definitely not Pete.
And George has his baby now, right? His baby's out? Yep. Yesterday, yeah.
And Andres said, and I'm going to call out Andres right now. He said some shit before you guys came.
I'm going to call out what you said. He goes, I was surprised.
That baby was cute. That's funny.
Verbatim. Pretty cute.
And it's so funny because the baby was born and then, you know, I didn't do it. I mean, I heard it.
Sure. I don't know how I heard it.
Yeah. The baby's born.
I was like, oh, it didn't register. I just went about my day, played games.
Yeah, life goes on. Eight hours later, I'm at the dinner table.
And she goes, so what did you talk to George? What did he say? I didn't talk to George. Why would I? She's like, what kind of human being are you? Nothing.
What did I do? I called him when he was in the hospital. Did you call him? No.

No. Did you call him to congratulate

him? I texted him about a work thing

and then he... Don't be real.

I'll show you. You called him and congratulated him.

No. Fuck no.
That's fucking weird.

Oh, big deal. It's just George.
I know.

I know. That's how I felt about it.

Then I had to make the call and he

picks up and he goes, hello? He's surprised that I called.

Here, hold on. You can read this.
Hey, look at this. Yeah.
Let me read it. Let me read it.
Look, Wednesday. Read what it says on Wednesday.
So, Wednesday. What's up with the ads on Anchor? That's what I said.
What's up with the ads on Anchor? Because I'm like, what is the Anchor? Is the baby out yet? Yeah. No, read right below it.
You'll see what he says to me. I go, what's up with the ads on Anchor? Because I'm trying to figure out what's going on on anchor this is exactly hey my wife's water broke this morning so we're at kaiser now but bryce can answer anything then you go congrats like a fucking asshole congrats i guess yeah yeah i don't fucking care congrats to george we do love him so very much i'm very happy for him but i was like i go you So what's it like? Like I didn't fucking care.
Oh, my God. Congrats to George.
We do love him so very much. I'm very happy for him.
But I was like, oh, I go, you know, so what's it like? Like, I didn't know what to, you know what I mean? Well, what are you supposed, what are guys supposed to say to other guys when they, to me, girls, it's a thing with weddings and babies and girls are like, oh, my God. But a guy is always like, cool.
Yeah. Well, because once you get a certain amount of information, like the baby's here.
It's healthy. And I ask, is it alive? Yeah, it's alive.
It's healthy. And she goes, it's alive.
I go, is it fine? Yep. Then there's no need to call.
Okay, goodbye. Yeah, I have all the information I need.
Right? After that, because it becomes a little bit more, you know, I don't want to say this word, but gay. Yeah, sure.
I don't know how, but it does, I guess. Yeah, it feels gay.
guess it feels gay to go you know what I mean what are you feeling how much hair does it have what does it look like I asked some stupid question so you know was it everything you ever dreamed of I don't know well you hate babies what did you say about George's baby did you say anything to? I don't know. Well, you hate babies.
What did you say about George's baby? Did you say anything to him? I didn't say anything. Good for you.
And that's the route we should have taken. Yeah, that's on brand.
When he said my wife's water broke and we're at the hospital, I should have blocked his number. Yeah.
We'll just delete it as fucking information. That's it.
I don't need him anymore. He's out of my life.
Congratulations to George and their new brand new baby. What's the we say the name nobody knows it's a boy it's a boy right wait did you just hear he's oh my god andres no no it has to be that are you making it up it has to be george because of the fact that um it's george the fifth remember because he's the fourth no you see the fifth george is the fourth his son the baby's the fifth yes oh it has it's a it's a It's a part of the lineage.
See, this is the thing about whites that I don't- I hate whites. That's a white thing to do.
They don't do that anywhere else in the world. My dad's name is Robert E.
That's right. Robert.
Yeah, but that's because of your descendants of Robert E. Lee, the great general that we love so much.
That's the weirdest thing in the world, though. Yeah.
you do a white thing? Why did he do that? If I had a baby, I would name it. Because now you can...
You would never name your kid Bobby. No, you can go more...
How do I say this? You can go more black with it. What would your black baby be? You could say whatever.
I would say something that's never been said. Nitrous.
Nitrous is tight. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a cool name.

Or guava.

I don't know.

Citrus.

Ooh, guava is really good.

Yeah.

Come here, guava.

Yeah.

Guava Lee.

Metaphor.

Not metaphor.

Metaphysical.

Metaphysical Lee.

Yeah, that's pretty good.

I think guava Lee is so sick.

I'm not even kidding at all.

Guava Lee.

Sharp.

I'm going to name my kids.

You could do whatever.

Sharp Santino.

Come here, Sharp. You could just make a noise.
Come here, what's up? I want to see these Rudy kids. So let's see some of the videos.
And I'm going to temper my expectations on this whole thing. Because they're replacing you.
Yeah, get in. We bought her a fucking mic arm.
She's the fucking worst. And it goes right to your face.
It's sleepy. to vote you have to figure out this person is replacing you so pay attention alright here we go hi Judo Bobby hi Judo Andrew and of course the rest of the Bad Friends crew Andres, Rudy of course including the other guy I'm not going to mention because why the fuck would I? Okay, props.
Well anyway, this is not really an addition but more of a plea to allow me to replace Rudy on the Bad Friends podcast. Interesting.
I think I'd be a wonderful addition. I'm very frail.
Look at this wrist, right? I do like skinny frail people. That's funny.

I'm like a pound over 90.

Also, I have an indent in my chest, so that kind of makes me a freak like both Tito Bobby and Tito Andrew.

Cool.

Tito Andrew, of course, who's a ginger, and Tito Bobby who... That's you kissing my ball.

Yeah, you know.

But, oh, my name's Peter.

I forgot to say that. Oh, yuck.
We already got one. Open with one.
I'll do anything. Bobby, I'll suck your little dumpling.
Okay. I like this guy.
I like him. All right.
Well, okay. We can't say anything.
Sorry. You have to.
This is on you. So that's one.
All right. Let's get.
What are your opinions so far? Oh, yeah. He was funny.
Okay. Thanks for that in-depth interview.
Oh, my God. Honestly, it's like pulling fucking molars.
It's so hard to get anything out of her sometimes. You should do a TED Talk.
Yeah. With the kind of information.
Here we go. Wait, let's- Oh, a woman's good.
One second, though. One second.
Yeah. Honestly, if he's interviewing for-, you're the fucking CEO of Rudy Enterprise.
This guy comes in for a job. He just interviewed.
What do you say? It's good to know you. You were really funny.
We can't replace her. No, no, no.
This is insane. It's never going to work.
He wouldn't even answer it that way. I know.
That's like a clever. That's her own brand.
You know what I mean? Less is more. Less is more.
Less is more with her. Alright, let's see this girl with too many air conditioning units behind her.
Let's go. Hey, I'm Savannah.
I'm 20 years old. I know that I'm a white girl, but I'm also gay.
So I think that even seems out a little bit. I'm actually being held hostage by the entire state of Utah.
Mormons may seem nice, but they're really scary, especially when you're gay. Anyway, you can try it as soon as possible.
That would be great. My brother told me to apply because apparently I am the worst friend on the entire planet.
In, in conclusion, I think that I would be a great contender for a bad friend. Yeah.
Because I'm short, fat, Korean, and I sleep in until three every day. She's the shit.
Yeah, I like her. Sorry, I shouldn't.
We're voicing our opinions. No, I like her.
She's awesome. Okay.
By the way way she has connives in the background which I love look at the connive connection yeah put her so for the ones that we really like why don't we put them aside or mark them or something Savannah's her name yeah she's fucking great and by the way a white gay woman on here that'd be great that'd be great yeah but she's missing the innocence no she's in Utah she's being held captive yeah but there's held captive about her that's kind of like almost as if that's irreplaceable no we can maybe find it well we'd have to buy another filipino off the internet i don't know we have to like go search what are they running for 559.95 what are they get your get your own custom filipino today 49.99 two easy payments plus shipping and handling we would by the way we wouldn't pay for

the uh upgraded shipping for that would we we would just get the the regular the boat all right uh who else is on there i think that i think a girl girls are preferable to replace this fun a girl we don't need another dude oh a little all right look at this guy all right look at this guy cute hi bad friends my name is anthony i'm 19 and i have what it takes to be the next rud. I live in LA.
I live in Wisconsin. I don't live in LA.
I have a lot of mental trauma, and I love you guys, and I have a lot of traits that two men would want in a woman. Andrew Santino, you totally forgot that you had a show in Wisconsin last week.
You said, oh, I've got shows in Salt Lake City and Boston, but I forgot the other one, and that was Wisconsin, unfortunately. So, I got my tickets refunded because you do not care about your fans, and now you guys are going in a microwave.
All right. Goodbye.
They ruined his phone just for the bid? That's great. Wow.
Wow, good for that. kid anthony very good really good i like him distorted matt damon what do you think i like him but he seems aggressive all right that's good perfect you read that that's good honestly please take notes next to it that says i i like but aggressive actually rename it rename the in parentheses.
I like, but aggressive. I need to have her quotes on the files.
I like, but aggressive. And then what did you say about, let's mark for first guy, Peter.
What did you think about the first guy again? What was your instinct with him? He's funny. He's funny.
Great. That's all we need to say.
He's funny. And Savannah, number two, the girl that we just had, what did we say about her? I like her.
I shouted, I like her. Please write, I and right please write i shouted i like her very good well dude so far we got three good candidates and a guy who keep it going keep it going keep it going i'll tell you why though that guy's good he didn't really ruin the phone no he cut early yeah right so they made a sound effect later i think it was great yeah it was really good very.
All right, here we go. Other lady.

Hi, friends.

It's Gianna from Texas for like the third time.

Oh, yeah, we know her.

Masks, orangutan tips.

I'll definitely love to be a temporary Rudy for you guys until you find the Rudy that you love.

Have someone on that will make you laugh. You know what's great about her? There's something about her that's very perfect for us.
Because she doesn't give a fuck. I love how little she gives a fuck.
She doesn't, yeah. She's like running errands.
What do you say about her? She's very warm. I like her presence.
Okay. Very warm.
I like her presence. For somebody to look at their own breasts and go, yeah, they're orangutan.
That's what she said to us on the call. She's like, I got orangutan tits.
That's cool. She's the shit.
Yeah, yeah. I like her very much.
I don't even know what orangutan tits look like. Sure you do.
I know. I do.
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Here's Nathan. I'm auditioning for Rudy on the Bad Guys podcast because I've been a good replacement.
I'm Filipino. I like knives.
I like anime as well. I'm not quiet though.
If you want, give me a call. I get it.
What do you say, Rude? He's very honest. He's very honest.
Man, you're so descriptive. Yeah.
She should work for a company that describes things on food. Does descriptions of food.
For an advertisement agency. Imagine if she worked at an advertising agency and they were like rudy how's that drink and she's like it's warm and i like liquid perfect well you're in all right let's get another woman let's get another lady is there another lady i mean i think ladies would work because here's the problem you and i you're very alpha male-y correct yeah you know i mean i what I mean? I can be.
I'm a cross between both.

I can be innocent and like being the victim,

but I can also be-

No, yes, I'm sorry.

I do a victim thing.

No, the best.

You're the best victim I know.

Yeah, I'm very victim,

like, oh, poor me, this and that.

But then I can also go real alpha male-y and attack.

And mean.

And be aggressive.

And be aggressive, 100%.

So I'm between.

So we're both, you know,

we need somebody.

Female energy.

That's why she works is because she has none of that all right this is uh who is this this is billy all right let's see billy hi uh this is my audition for the i want to be rudy thing that you posted um i'm not sure how these go or what you're supposed to say in them i'm not an actress or anything but my name is bill Billie, and I'm half Colombian. I was born in Venezuela, though.
I grew up in Indonesia. I don't know what you're supposed to talk about in these things.
Yeah, I love the show. I started watching it probably about six months ago or something like that and only recently heard about Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino probably about a year and a half ago or something.
And I just love the show. I think it's great.
And I'd love to be a part of it. And yeah, I don't know what else to talk about.
But if you need any more information, you can get in touch with me. Yeah.
You know what? You know what I'm going to say? What? The only person that would match her innocence so far has been that girl. I think she's the best.
She's so far the best. So innocent.
So sweet and normal. She's sincere and authentic.
And she can tell that she's a little scared. A little scared.
And she doesn't really know what's going on. I really like her a lot.
Honestly. What do you think? She's the best.
Rudy likes her so much. Put that down.
She's the best. She's the best.
Yeah. Something about her was so honestly and innocent.
And like she, honestly, she was like, I don't know. I don't.
I think she, and I think in the middle of the filming, she was like, I don't even know if I want to do this. Right.
That's kind of why. Yeah.
I don't know how, I like those, I don't know how this goes. Yeah.
That's great. You know what I mean? Billy, you're, you're in the front.
According to Rude Rude. She's number one right now.
Number one. Any more women? Any more girls? How many more women? jasmine let's just look at the women sure okay um okay all right already the look is there i mean what do you okay hi andrew hi bobby hi rudy and everybody at bad friends okay before i begin my audition tape i actually wanted to take the time and tell you guys that I did create a jingle this was a couple weeks ago um for bad friends it's not perfect yet but I do want to just you know sing it for you guys and I hope that you guys like oh cool there it goes hey everybody thanks for listening we like being funny and laughing all the way here we got Andrew and and Tito Bobby.
Don't forget about Jules. She's quiet but naughty.
But anyways, we'll see you next week. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Wow. But anyways, my name is Jasmine and I am 27 years old and I am from New Jersey.
I don't currently live in California, but it's always been a dream of mine to live in LA just because I've always wanted to work in the entertainment space, preferably music. But, you know, anything along those lines, just so I could work my way up, you know, and learn about the industry, the backbone, you know, everything that goes with it.
I do have two degrees. I have a bachelor's and a master's in communication so I learn everything with marketing, social media, broadcasting and public relations.
I am a freelance social media manager. Okay social media.
Okay.

Okay.

All right, we're going to... Can we...

I want to go to the end.

I want to go to the end.

Okay.

We're going to...

No, no, no.

No, no, don't.

No, go.

Just play it all the way through.

I want to listen to the whole thing.

Okay.

Hope to hear from you guys.

Bye. Bye-bye.
No, go. Just play it all the way through.
I want to listen to the whole thing. Okay.
Hope to hear from you guys. Bye.
Bye-bye. Bye.
She's sweet. First of all.
Number one. First of all, the song was fucking dope.
Right? That was dope. She's a go-getter.
Big time. She wants it.
Go-getter. She does.
Right? I feel like someone like this, honestly, is not a rudy but also is very like she's someone that could be on the bad friends team i don't know i mean she could replace some other people i know you're talking about fans other people fancy yeah honestly i want you to sing kind of what she said so you, as close as you can. You are funny

and Tito and Drew

not so fun.

I like working

at Bad Friends

a lot.

It's good enough.

The lyrics are great.

The lyrics are great.

How many do we have left?

One more girl, right?

We have one more girl, yeah.

Let's see the last one.

The lyrics are great,

by the way.

I love that,

whatever that is. That's a tapestry of some kind.
Hi. Hi.
Hi, Bobby. Santino.
Hey. Fancy B.
Rudy Jules and the one that shall not be named. That's right.
My name is Mia Seals and I'm 22 years old. I just graduated with an art degree.
Get closer to the mic.

I think this is closer. Good.

Okay.

Although I do not eat

four encrustables a day,

I do like Attack on Titan.

It's like he's going to prison.

No, but that's a...

The thing is, is that I'm a young female I can do the job She's cool I like her she's cool Because you can tell she's a fan She's slated What do you say rude I feel like she's a top two Okay top two write it down I feel like she's a top two By the way we didn't even have Rudy. I feel like she's a top two.
Two. By the way, we didn't even have Rudy comment, and I apologize about Jasmine.
What did we say about Jasmine again? What did we say about her? She's very sweet, but her speech was very long. Write that down.
She was very sweet, but very long. So would you say, is there any guys looking worth looking at have you seen the videos right

is there a guy that's worth looking at and they're all worth looking at obviously well

there's just too many is what you mean oh boy oh already no well i already already know all right okay that's a great video dude Dude can we give that guy a gig Whatever it is That's awesome That's so good That's all he did Play that again That's so fucking good Dude that guy knocked it out of the fucking park It's simple Less is more. Tito Bobby? Yes, bro.
I got to tell you. What do you think? He's funny.
He's funny. Thanks, Jules.
Thank you. Oh, my God, today.
Is there another one? He's funny. Honestly, he's really good, David.
He's really good. Joseph.
Okay. Here's Joseph.
Every Joseph. Every time I read a name, I just do it with a Philippine.
Joseph. Teacher Bobby, Dr.
Kalilah said you can't go out because of COVID. Is it raining? You can't go to Starbucks.
But, you know, close to the mic, I like anime because they got cute eyes and they're petite but Tito Bobby Oh come on man on, man. Udi.
Don't leave bad friends. Bad friends, you mean? They're Bobby.
Tito Bobby. Tito Andrew.
Don't leave bad friends. You're Filipino.
You can do anything like, you know, get tortured and steal a boss.

You know, with the Spaniards, like fans of me.

You know, come on.

You can do it, motherfucker.

That guy's dope.

Do you understand his language?

Yeah.

What did he say?

He just said, it's bad friends.

Don't leave. And it's Tito Bobby.
funny. Tito Andri's funny.
What was the last part? He said, he said, motherfucker. Oh, motherfucker.
Wait. Putani ma.
Putani ma. Putani ma.
Putani ma. Putani ma.
Ina. Putani ma.
Putani ma. Putani ma.
I'm saying it good, right? Putani ma. Make it faster.
say that now? That's motherfucker? Cool. I'm going to write it down, actually.
I'll do it later. I live with you.
So of all these people so far, I guess what we've come to is you like Billy. Billy's number one.
Okay. So maybe we'll have to reach out and do like a Zoom with Billy and see if maybe she qualifies.
Oh, by the way, George Lopez says hi. Hey, what's up, George? He did.
Okay, hi. Hey, what's up? Yeah, that's all.
That was, oh, right. You did the cast.
That's true. No, what? When he cast? He did Tiger Belly.
Yeah, he did the podcast. That's what I meant.
He did the cast. All the cast.
Yeah, yeah. Let me ask one real question about George.
Was he early? Way early. Yeah.
Well, how do you know? He's notoriously prompt is the way I'll say it. Well, really? Because he was like, we were like, I was smoking outside, no shirt on.

I was in my balcony.

I'm like, oh, we have 20 minutes.

He's not going to be right.

I've heard that he is remarkably sharp.

And he was right there.

Yeah.

In my driveway.

Yeah.

What's up, bro?

I think he takes things very serious in the business in that regard.

Dude, that's a marking of someone that I see that's been in the game for a long time that's good at what they do.

It's like Steve Harvey where you're like, oh, this motherfucker.

They have this old school professionalism.

Yes, dude.

Right, because I remember when i was um in the late 90s yeah the first time i opened for somebody i was in it was going to i was going to texas i think i was opening for poly in addison or something right yeah and i was taking a flight and george lopez was in the middle seat of a southwestern airline i'd already seen him on arsino and i was thinking to myself Wow, he's not in first class. He's sitting in the middle seat of a Southwestern airline.
I'd already seen him on Arsenio. And I was thinking to myself, wow, he's not in first class.
He's sitting middle seat. And what a work ethic.
Oh, dude. What a work ethic.
And then every time I would go on the road, he was always somewhere, working somewhere, riding it out. But those guys, you said it.
The professionalism of that generation is fucking unmasked. Those guys were just the top tits because they knew there was so much competition back then.
Now people can make their own work. Yeah, I find it to be far more difficult now, do you think, or no? Well, here's the thing.
I think there were so few jobs back then that you had to be so good and so on your shit, right? Where now we make like this is our own show well in the 80s it's just different but in the eight okay first of all in the 80s there was never a boom like there was in the late 70s and 80s sure in the 80s of like every city five or six comedy clubs would spring up yeah it was it was like Applebee's. And everyone's grandmother was doing it and mother, or everyone was doing it.
When you started, how many people, okay, I started what they called the dark ages. In 95.
95. When you started, it was dog shit.
Everyone had dropped out. The clubs had all failed.
The clubs were closing. Nobody was doing it anymore.
It wasn't like the cool thing to do right and so i'm lucky in this way a sense that like you know it was um the people that were doing it were the ones that were really doing like should be doing it or the ones that were like survivalists like they were gonna because people would go you're doing stand-up comedy why right what a nightmare yeah yeah right terrible but that but that generation that that his generation that made it through all that shit too, I mean, because they had to go from things are great to oh my God. To the dark ages, yeah.

And now they're back up again.

Yeah.

And his, you know, he's just, he was very nice, you know.

He's a smart, I'll tell you this.

He didn't say hi.

I know he didn't.

He's a smart dude.

He's a smart dude.

He's very funny.

Yeah.

And it's that generation of guy that I do think I respect very much about what they did for the game.

And honestly, it's up to us to do that for the next, because it's not, the thing is changing, dude.

I mean, did you see, I wanted to be so supportive, but coming to America too?

I did not watch it.

I did see it on my Netflix or whatever.

What is on HBO?

I don't know.

Amazon. But there was a seat.
Is it Amazon? Yeah yeah and you want to root for it right? no I don't because our friends are in it? no you just kind of want to root because it's comedy no I don't I disagree I don't like sequels in that regard I think it's like leave those things alone I've always been that way I'm like why did you why? we don't alright but that's why I saw it no I didn't need dumb and dumber again i don't need i don't need to i don't tell you why i don't want animal house again leave these things alone i know leave them alone i know all right so you support it but but we have friends that are in it so which is yeah i have so many people that i know very nice but i couldn't get through this in the opening in the opening right is it bad oh my god it's that bad it's like so what's the fucking mcdonald's mcdowell's mcdowell's it was called mcdowell's right so i don't know what what's the country that eddie murphy's character comes from is some some is it is it a african country that's like it's zamunda yeah zamunda right so now there's a mcdowell's in Zamunda. Very funny.
I like that. Right.
So there's a scene where, you know, Eddie Murphy, you know, Arsenio Hall's character, they're all at McDowell's. In Zamunda.
Yeah, and it's shot in a weird way where it's like, basically it's a wide shot, essentially, right? And you have, you know, the main cast, but then you have people around them staying around them and everyone says something but louis anderson's there love who like because he was in

the first movie he worked at mcdowell's yeah in chicago or wherever it might have been right he was the mop boy at mcdowell's right right so now he lives in zamunda everyone's there because he's you know, Louie's doing great.

Yeah. It is...

Say it.

If I

wanted to take my iPad Lay it down on my hard wooden floor Or put it in a microwave Put my anus against The screen And just Shit your way through it It was that? Not one joke made you laugh? It just, the whole thing made me cringe. But, okay, let's be honest.
Was it because of the reminiscent of how much you liked the original? Or was it because it was just? It just didn't seem right. It's almost as if we were living in a different dimension.
right? Like I was like some evil dimension.

Right.

Right.

And like I was like tied to like a chair made out of meat carcasses.

You know what I mean?

And there were like eyeballs flying by with wings, right?

Right.

And like, you know, I see my hands and there's teeth like, right?

Right.

Right.

And there's like a fat lady that's slimy, right?

With like two forks sticking out of her eyes, right?

Like, right, right?

Yeah.

And then the lady with the forks, right?

She comes and gives me the iPad and shows me the scene.

And I'm in this meat carcass scene.

I mean, that's what it felt like.

Like it was a nightmare.

By the way, that's the best movie review I've ever heard in my life right and it was at that point right I was sweating yo you were getting my shirt off was off and I was like you know I mean like I was having a panic yeah and because I love the first movie I mean literally one of my favorite movies of all time. Classic.
Yes. Classic, right? Yes.
And then they're doing, then you could see they're doing other people's, you know, they have the other characters. Well, they were using old jokes too? No, yeah.
Arsenio is playing the other characters. You know, they play three or four different characters, right? At the barbershop.
But it's like, Arsenio's so old, he still looks like the old guy. You know what I mean? Like there's a preacher guy who's old too.
They look the same age now. Like it's almost as if they didn't even have to do makeup or whatever.
They're like, you're good. You have to watch it.
It's something special. Well, I wanted to watch it, but I didn't.
I like supporting our people that we know that are in things, but my issue with those things, I'm telling you, I hate remakes, or like, not are they what's that called andres you're what is it sequel but it's not really a sequel because it's the remakes reboot no that's right it's reboot that's exactly right it's called a reboot yeah like ghostbusters it was a reboot it wasn't a sequel it wasn't a remake the all-female cast was a reboot okay so i'm trying to think of i've never i haven't i haven't heard of one reboot in my mind that i said i'm glad they did that all right i'm thinking about it right now let me think because there was one called that was one of the worst movies ever made it was called flatliners oh i remember flatliners yeah i know i know yes i remember that movie so the first movie was okay growing up correct yeah they redid it i know oh my god and i always watch them right oh you know what oh well there you go what about what about godzilla yeah the first godzilla the 2014 godzilla with brian cranston yeah it was great was great yeah it was so good that was good okay so okay so we got one okay but i just saw another kong versus no i wouldn't watch it i refuse why i just don't want that it's just because i can't see in a movie theater honestly yeah i need to see that in a movie theater why am i watching that at my house on my ipad it's just the movie theaters are open are they open again yeah they are not here in la you went to see a movie yeah why the also when they advertise it you know premiering on at movie theaters and IMAX, HBO Max.

Right.

It's like, I'll watch it here.

I'll watch it here.

Yeah, but that movie, what did you go see in the theater, Drace?

I went to see the Kong versus Godzilla.

Okay.

What did you think of that?

And how was it?

It was pretty bad.

But, you know, here's what takes me out of it in the beginning of it, right?

It's just, they show Kong, right? Yeah. In the jungle, right, Andres? Yeah.
And he is like, he wakes up, he smells the, you know, trees. Yeah.
And then there's a waterfall and he's taking a shower. Cute.
Right? Like a cute, almost as if Kong, you know what I mean? He seemed way too human, right? And cute for me, right? And as soon as they did that, and also, you can tell it's CGI. They couldn't get a real Kong? No, that's not my point, man.
I know what you're saying. No, my point is...
But let me ask this. Is there a reason they humanized him? For the sake of the story of the film, Andres? No, it was just like the scene in Shrek, you know, like kind of like that opening in Shrek.
So that wasn't like a choice. That was just a thing they did.
Yeah. It wasn't for the film.
It's like a video game, the whole movie. Here's my point.
I'm not a movie reviewer, but here's my point. What makes that Godzilla 2014 good yeah is you don't see godzilla until

like 25 percent inside in in the movie all right so we'll we'll poo poo that but you know what when

they do american remakes in movies right like the like the ring the american ring yeah it was good

was scary i liked it yeah. You saw The American Ring.

I think.

Good.

I don't remember.

The Ring.

Yeah, I watched The Ring.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

You've been on the show now for so long.

Even if you didn't, just say yes.

Okay.

And just go with it.

The American Ring was good.

You liked it, right?

Bob? I saw The ring with you. No.
Yes. Thank you, Rudy.
Very good. Very good.
Very good. That was a test.
That was so good. Rudy Jules? Oh, yeah.
Swish. God, you're good.

Yeah.

But I bring this up because LeBron is doing... Space Jam.

Space Jam.

Yeah.

No thanks.

But did you see the...

The original is one of my favorites.

But did you see the trailer, though?

Yes.

It looks cool.

It looks pretty good.

It looks cool, but I...

I know.

It's just something about...

And also, Michael Jordan.

Michael Jordan.

Right.

Michael Jordan.

What do you mean?

Michael Jordan.

But it's also...

You know, at one point, these movies, like, Predator...

I want? Yeah. In the movie, right? and It's played real, but the ghosts are goofy and cartoony.

Totally.

Four really funny people in the movie.

And it's action-packed.

It's family-friendly.

Yeah, to a degree.

Adults like it because Bill Murray is the king at the time.

He still is, right?

Yeah.

And it worked.

Harold Ramis is a genius.

It is a genius. So my point is that at one point, these movies were original.
It came from somebody's mind. Right.
And it's fresh. Right.
And then when you redo it, it's like what happened to creativity? Let's take a fucking risk. Well, they don't want to take a shot right now because Hollywood's owned by China and we have to have films that sell well overseas.
Andres, am I right? Absolutely. 100 percent.
You have to have so these films all have to do well overseas now it used to be independent studios could exist they could invest in a small movie like lauren michaels slate used to get more love right like a sketch on snl could be a fucking dynamite movie yeah now those things are impossible to make coneheads one of my favorite movies of all time coneheads was so funny talking about an original concept an alien family that gets to fit in with the normal family he becomes the most beloved guy in his neighborhood dan akward was so fucking funny. Yeah.
Talking about an original concept, an alien family that gets to fit in with a normal family. He becomes the most beloved guy in his neighborhood.
Dan Aykroyd was so fucking funny in that. That movie couldn't be made now.
Yeah. You'd have to sell that with like, I don't know, fucking Chris Hemsworth and, and what? Jackie Chan, maybe.
Maybe because, you're right. Yeah.
It just, it just, you can't, it's just not the same. You know what we watched last night? I put up a clip online.
Two nights ago, we watched Beverly Hills Ninja, Farley's movie. Bro, I fucking loved, loved that movie.
And I watched it again thinking, is this going to be as funny now? Yep. Didn't even miss.
Didn't miss a fucking beat. It was so fucking funny.
That's why when you watch something like, I mean, think about this, like Doctor Strangelove.

I mean, what a great film. Right? Yeah.
A movie like that will never happen again. Maybe.
I mean, the odds of it, though. You know what I want to do right now? Because I've never really done this.
I'm going to tell you, and this is really true. I'm not just saying this out of my own mind right just to you know

my top 10 movies

are movies that everyone has to see

because they're movies they'll never

make again type of movies okay

I'm not gonna do 10 of them I'll just do

two or three okay I know but you just

seem so disappointed in it well because I was like

whoa cool you're gonna do 10

I just get because I'm just

thinking of it right now right all right

give it so Peter Sellers

in the movie being there

Here we go. Whoa, cool.
You're going to do 10. I just get...
Because I'm just thinking of it right now. Right? All right.
Give it. So Peter Sellers in the movie, Being There.
Being There. Did you see it? No.
Paris, Texas. I've seen Paris, Texas.
Yeah. Yeah, but that's not...
Vim Vendors. That's one of my favorite movies.
No, no, no. I like it.
Yeah. Go ahead.
Why is it so hot in here? Have you noticed it's really hot in here? It's hot outside. They're trying to sweat us out.
Okay, Paris, Texas is great. Yeah, Paris, Texas is great.
And I'll tell you how the movie opens. Well, don't say it.
Don't give anything away to me. How it opens.
How it opens. Oh, yeah.
First of all, it's my favorite love story of all time. Is it? Oh, yeah.
You know what mine is? What? Raising Arizona. Dude, bro.
What are you standing for? I don't know. I thought you were would dude bro what are you standing for i don't know what are you standing for you stood up i stood up i thought we were gonna hug or kiss or fight no that scared the fuck out of me i i wanted to fuck you just now i know i was gonna i was gonna kiss you but i came too hot yeah that was really i came in too hot i gotta work on that have done it, right? Well, no, let's start.
See Paris. Yeah.
See Raising Arizona. Well, you know what my favorite love story is? What? Raising Arizona.
No, no. You're doing it right.
Too hot? I'm coming in too hot. Damn, I got to learn how to do this.
Wait, do what? Right. How is that balancing on the table? Can you do it with your face first? Yeah, sorry.
Try it with your face, right? All right. Yeah, my bad.
So try it with your face first and then slowly maybe get out. Okay.
Right. But don't be so aggressive.
Well, you know what my favorite love story is? What? Raising Arizona. Right.
Okay. It is such a good movie.
Yeah, yeah. It really is good.
Nathan Arizona. Sell you some furniture.
Have you seen that movie? Yes. Correct.
Yeah. What is it about? It's about a family who lives in Arizona.
That's right. And it's a comedy skit.
It is a comedy skit. It's a comedy skit, right? And then what is it that's just the premise about, though? Don't pick at your cheese pie plate.
Focus. They go.
They go to school. They go to school.
Or they go to work, the adults, and yeah. Okay.
That's also true. What's the big thing that happens in the movie? What do they do? What do these two do in the movie? They get a? They get in prison.
They get in prison. That's right.
That's right. Because you saw the photo.
That's right. They get in prison.
That's very nice. Okay.
Yeah yeah so i'm glad you like that uh one of my favorites of all time yeah okay go ahead are you are you a coen brothers fan yeah what the fuck what haven't they made that i like that i don't like i mean i don't think i've disliked any of their movies like even barton fink sure it's fine it's fine it's weird i like it because it's quirky it's it's look it's not it's not something i'm gonna watch again hot sucker proxy fine fine yeah fine yeah but then they have like country of no no country no country of old men oh one of the best movies yeah fargo come on oh give me a fucking one of the best okay well there's a caveat yeah fargo the tv show i loved as much as i love the fucking movie and here's the thing i've I've never seen it. What? Everyone tells me to watch it.
Holy fuck. And I go, I love the movie so much.
No, dude, you would love. Have you seen the TV show, Drace? Yeah.
How good is it? It's incredible. It's fucking, look at me, fucking incredible.
You've seen Fargo, right? Yes. Right? Remember, what happens in that pilot episode of Fargo, the TV show? The father shits himself.
It's unreal, dude. You have to see it, Bobby.
It's so good. And on the heels of that, he shits himself.
And then remember what his mother does then when she finds out? The mom makes it into a pie. Makes it into a pie.
The shit? The shit. Wow.
It's a shit pie. Sounds really good.
The pilot episode's called Eat Shit Pie. Yeah.
It sounds really good. Bob.
So really. Holy fuck.
Because everyone tells me to watch it. It was one of my favorite shows.
I refuse. It was so good.
Every season. I mean, particularly the first.
Is that the one Billy Bob Thornton's in? Yes. Particularly the first.
That being said, they were all really fucking good. But Everett, I'll tell you about my Billy Bob Thornton though.
Well, you don't like that he kissed us, that he... No, the Canadian radio show.
Oh, what? What about the Canadian... I don't know.
You know what happened, right? No. But the Canadian...
Yeah, you do. What? You don't know about the Canadian radio show? Should I? No, I'm lost.
All right, so he's in a band. You're in Correct, yeah.
And they're opening up for Willie Nelson in Canada. They were, yeah.
Right, so Bob Thornton is on a radio show. That's on YouTube, right? You can see it, right? And I guess before the interview, he tells the – I remember.
Why did you make me even – You just clicked it into my brain. Well, he tells the bring up don't bring up I'm an actor right right which is so fucking dumb yeah that's how we know that's how we know you fucking idiot right and you're good at it one of the best and you're a good musician one has nothing to do with the other they can both exist they can exist right so as soon as he brings in the beginning he opens up that yeah he's a great actor right and as soon as billy bobberton just shuts down yeah and won't answer any questions he's such a dick right yeah and he starts talking about random things like he's asked a direct question he talks about like toys that he grew up you mean owning right yeah and um ever since then i was just kind of respect for him.
Yeah. That's not a cool move to me.
It's just not cool. That I disrespected him? No, no, no.
What he did. What he did.
You don't do that. It's weird.
Also, by the way, you didn't want to do radio? Don't fucking do it then. Yeah.
If you're above it, don't fucking do it. Why'd you show up? Yeah.
You didn't have to. You could have said, you know, we're not really doing radio interviews right now But you know what ended up happening right?

He got kicked off the tour Oh he did?

Yeah

Oh cool

Yeah

Well that's what you get from being a fucking asshole

The Canadian's like no fuck this guy

Yeah see I like that

That's what you get

You can't just be a dick like that to people

Yeah

By the way

He's a fucking radio DJ

He's just doing his job

Yeah

He's doing his job

He wasn't like taking a shot at you

That's why I love

That's why I love the internet and stuff

Because of the fact that

Number one you can see stuff like that

Yeah

And number two it's like

Thank you. That's why I love the internet and stuff because of the fact that, number one, you can see stuff like that.
Yeah. And number two, it's like also now you have other people.
There's a new dimension of fame. You have now influencers.
So you have people that are big in TikTok. You have YouTube.
There's different forms of entertainment out there. And it lessens the power of the top.
You're right. Do you feel it it just well it also gives way to other powers right right like other things start to grow and people feel it i think i don't know before like somebody i remember one time when i first moved to la i was over there was a you know the chinese man theater yeah i was there walking around in that area this is before they turned it into the k Theater, right? So I was walking around right there and I see two men

in suits,

black suits,

and I think they were black,

right?

And they wore sunglasses

at night.

And in between them

was Bruce Willis.

They're walking.

Just chilling on Hollywood.

No, they're just walking.

They're going from somewhere

to walk.

They're walking.

And I remember like

those people were like stunned. Yeah're walking.
And I remember like,

those people were like stunned.

Yeah.

I mean, people were like,

people were like,

Frozen?

Because, you know what I mean?

It's Bruce Willis.

Yeah, it's insane.

Right?

That's not,

it's fucking Bruce Willis.

Right?

That's what I was like.

Right?

I was just,

right, frozen, bro. Right? Now if I saw Bruce Willis, I was like, what like What's up I mean I don't give a fuck Hey dude Yeah yeah I'd say hey dude Yeah he probably still walks With the two bodyguards Yeah Hey what's going on But he doesn't They don't have That type Like back in the day I know There's one Like back in the Remember the Beatles Remember the Remember the Beatles? No.
The band.

No, it's not ringing a bell.

What do you mean?

The Beatles, right?

No.

The band.

The band, the Beatles.

What do you mean the band?

The rock band.

The Beatles.

The Beatles, the band.

What the fuck are you talking about?

The Beatles, the band?

Yesterday.

What?

Let it be. The monkeys.
That's the monkeys. Shut the fuck up monkeys shut the fire that's funny now you're making me sweat more the beatles would like just show up anywhere and the city would faint girls would light themselves on fire yeah in the street like those monks in vietnam right i mean they would like it Yeah.
They would like, they'd be in a car. Ringo, everyone would be in a car, right? Right.
Against the window, it's just women's vaginas just smeared against it. Yeah.
Like you're in some sort of like Chinese, like, you know what I mean, aqua, you know what I mean, aquarium or something. Right? Right? Just vaginas splattered against the bus.
Right. Yeah.
I mean, they- They were bigger than big. That, no longer.
Now there's no band like that. If you're a 12-year-old girl and you see Harry Styles...
Well, they lose their fucking minds. They lose their minds.
Yeah. But it's still not like, you know what I mean? Well, it's not...
I'll die. I'll die to meet them.
It's not, I'll jump off this building just to see Paul McCartney. Yeah, they used to do that.
Yeah. I know, that is crazy.
And today, like my first celebrity setting was Tom Selleck at an airport.

Yeah.

With my dad.

How old were you?

I must have been like 10.

Yeah.

And then what'd you do?

Lost absolutely batshit bonkers.

Yeah.

And my dad, of course, embarrassingly, he goes, hey, Tom Selleck.

No.

Swear to God.

No.

Tom Selleck turned in and he just went like this.

And I was like, no.

Dan!

Why would you do that? Yeah. Tom Selleck's going to hate us now.
Yeah. I was just like,

but also,

I was like,

I was like,

I was like,

I was like,

I was like,

I was like,

I was like,

I was like,

I was like,

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I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was just went like this. And I was like, no.
Dan! Why would you do that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tom Selleck's going to hate us now.

Yeah, it was just like, but also, no offense, Tom Selleck wasn't like, you know what I mean?

Yeah.

He's not like one of the greatest actors of all time.

But like, to me, I was like, holy fucking shit.

Yeah.

The guy from Mr. Baseball is right there.

Oh my God.

It blew my fucking mind.

Yeah, you think about it.

That's like the highlight

of your year oh on the airplane i was like this guy's mr fucking baseball i couldn't believe it right right i was like he goes to airports yeah my mom's the opposite my mom so my mom doesn't know anybody right she doesn't know anything that's all right and i brought her to the comedy store once yeah and i go hey this is my friend andrew not you but some other guy andrew right My mom goes, hugs her, hugs this guy, right?

And she goes, do you work here?

Right? This is my friend Andrew. Not you, but some other guy.
Andrew, right? My mom goes, hugs her, hugs this guy, right?

And she goes, do you work here?

Right?

It was Dice.

Yeah, I work here.

I mean, he does.

Yeah, but my brother, I love, my mom has no idea.

Yeah, but that's so much better.

So much better.

She doesn't know many people either.

No.

She doesn't know anybody.

We could bring in someone so fucking famous.

She wouldn't, it wouldn't even.

Who's the most famous person that would actually impress you? Harry Styles. See? Look at that.
Harry Styles. Yeah.
Who else? At 19, you still have that? Yeah. It's so funny.
Her face. Because, you know, Ben Winston is, you know what I mean? Yeah.
He basically discovered Harry Styles. Yeah.
And when I was doing that fucking talk show, right? This is before the pandemic. On Corden? What? No, it was not that talk show.
I was doing that fucking talk show Right This is before the pandemic

On Corden?

What? No it was not that talk show I was doing that

That game show

Remember that? And Ben produced it

And we were in my dressing room and Ben walked in

Remember?

And I know the connection so in my head I was just like

Because we would have done

Another season without the pandemic

And my goal was To get, to get them to meet. Oh.
That was my goal. It just never happened.
But I'm going to this concert. Oh, when? They're putting on a show? If it opens.
If it opens. If it opens.
Hairstyles was in One Direction and he broke away. But did they break up or they're never going to do it again? Is that what it is? They shouldn they're better without each other i have to say though huh because i'm a snob yeah his first solo album was what real good it was okay and i i have to admit that after that did he fall off i i the other album is okay there's some catchy poppy you know kind of stuff you say like you're embarrassed about it watermelon sugar right yeah yeah yeah because you know um i grew up with you know oh stop it please don't make me fuck nobody i mean you grew up with the stones right yeah but there's the again there's great rock bands that still exist yeah but it's like as good as exile on main street an album come on listen to the fucking white album i know but that's to you i don't know who they are that's to you and that's to you big is where the way that harry styles is to her when you listened to the white album right every song was is a household everyone knows i know that music because i think they didn't write it i think they lot of that stuff.
I wholeheartedly believe that. I don't believe they made fucking 50 number one hits.
I think they stole a lot of music. I do.
I really do. You're so stupid.
You think they just made that up? They stole a lot of it. You had two, even three, right? They had scouts going out listening to other people's stuff and they were stealing.
If you listen to Paul McCartney's... They were the Robin Williams of music.
You thought it was all his stuff, didn't you? How much time have we done? You're really making me mad right now. Oh, because I'm saying that the Beatles didn't write all their own shit.
I know they stole stuff. They stole.
They didn't steal anything, man. That's fucking ridiculous.
Thieves. You stole.
From who? Bill Burr's essence. I'm such a loser.
Yeah loser yeah his essence well you tried to steal Ken Jones but I was before him how is he so further along he's more talented correct that's obvious that's right don't come at me what you just said didn't hurt me didn't hurt me the Bill Burr thing at all I'm just gonna give I'm gonna give you the same heat you got defensive bitch you got defensive bitch when you make fun of me you're so sensitive i'm gonna make fun of you what it did but what you did didn't hurt me the bill burr didn't hurt me either you just said a bad joke about me so i said a bad joke about right but no but i if you would have done the ken junk first to me i wouldn't have brought it back to you because it would just deflect sure you would by the way you started this war don't be mad because i brought weapons no but when you made fun of me of course i just hit you back i hit you back you're trying to egg me on by saying that the beatles didn't write their own fucking music speaking of an egg right no the beatles i do believe that they probably begged and borrowed and stole some of that stuff so dumb anyway let's move on how can you say that that's not why wouldn't that be true what do you know that how do you know that that's not true? I'll tell you why.

Because number one.

Did Elvis steal?

No, but some of his music was co-written by other people.

A lot of it was taken from other people.

Taken.

Let's move on.

Many people in the black community have said that he has stolen black music.

Not just the essence of black music.

He has literally stolen music from other artists.

And they couldn't say anything about it. Okay.
And you think the Beatles couldn't have that power? Nope. Okay.
Let's move on. Okay.
Yeah, yeah. I wholeheartedly believe that they're thieves.
Wholeheartedly. They're thieves.
Okay. They're thieves.
All right. We were going into a nice movie thing.
It was fine. You know what I mean? And also, I'll say this.
What? Paul McCartney is a hypocrite. He's fucking poo-poo full of shit.
Him and his wife started an anti-drug movement campaign. His whole fucking career was made on drugs.
He's a fucking turd. Shut up, Paul McCartney.
Dude, if you... Let me say something right now.
Shut up. If Paul McCartney walked in here right now...
Wouldn't give a fuck. Are you being real? Wouldn't give a fuck.
Are you being fucking real right now? Because the real genius of the Beatles

died a long time ago.

Who?

John?

Who?

John Lennon.

Yeah, dude.

Yeah.

Yeah, the real genius of the Beatles.

It was already dead.

God, you're so dumb, dude.

Paul McCartney.

Don't do drugs, kids.

Don't do drugs.

Did you listen to this?

Your whole fucking career was drugs.

Who the fuck are you?

Lucy in the fucking sky with diamonds?

You made a fucking album called Yellow Submarine.

Yeah.

Your whole shit was drugs.

He didn't write those songs.

That's right.

Sometimes they co-write songs.

He wrote Let It Be.

Yeah.

Right?

Yeah.

That's a good song.

Yeah.

It is. Yeah.
He wrote Let It Be. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. That's a good song.
Yeah. It is.
Yeah. He wrote Yesterday.
I love Paul McCartney. I'm actually the biggest Beatles fan.
Are you being real? Yeah, that was a good bit. Yeah.
Thank you for being a bad friend. I think for me, because it didn't happen for me.
What didn't happen? For me, it's like I wanted, when we first do comedy, right? We go, you get in the rocket ship, right? Yeah, yeah. Right? You're like, all right, three, two, one.
Apollo 13. It doesn't shoot, right? And then you sit in the rocket ship for a decade.
You're trying to press the buttons. How does this work? You're calling NASA.
I think it's broken, right? We're working on it, right? And then at one point, they just pry you out of the fucking machine. You're in the wrong rocket ship.
You're no longer an astronaut, right? So then you're like, now back in your car driving home. And then three years later, they go, get back in.
Yeah in. Yeah.
Right. We fixed it.
Yeah, it doesn't work. Yeah.
So it's like, I, he, right. Got in and it's now in a different fucking solar system.
Yep. Right.
It's just, you know what I mean? Yeah. I'm the fucking greatest.
Right. And it's like, we're still on earth.
Rocket ships are cool. You know what I mean? That sucks.
It's never gonna, yeah.

For me,

it's like,

I'm,

um,

you know what I'm on?

I'm on a, uh,

hot air blow.

I'm in a hot air blow.

Yeah.

What am I?

What am I in?

It just,

slowly,

it's going up.

It's going up.

Yeah,

I'm 60 almost.

And then sometimes,

I'm barely off the ground.

And sometimes the helium gets,

and then you have to work really hard to fire it up again.

Yeah,

yeah,

yeah,

yeah,

yeah,

that's,

that's fucking me. You know what I am? What? Those little those little prop planes that fly right below the so you don't have to have oxygen but just hoping no one shoots me down out of the sky.
Oh, before the Wright Brothers, there were people that tried to, like, invent flight. That's me.

With the weird fucking...

That's me.

Just begging to stay afloat.