We Win the Podcast Wars

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You mother . You think you can come to my house talk to my boys like that? Send you don't know what's oh yeah no no oh yeah no! I'm like, please no! I get the citizenship!

You are gonna get...

Please! I'm sorry! I won't call ice!

Pia!

This one.

That was Andrew.

It tastes like whiskey and soy sauce.

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Clap the boat.

Clap the boat.

Clap the boat.

Clap the boat.

Clap the boat. Clap the boat.
Starring clap the boat clap the boat clap the boat starring alexandra the boat got you the boat directed by clap the boat jose the boat arch nob clap where do you get a name like arch nob i don't know where did you get that from where does arch nob even come from she just improvised that's her you know um i have a lot to talk about today man all right line it up what do you got um well let's you want to start or are we starting we started i clapped the boat clapped the boat listen um number one i have to yell at jules first yeah please okay please please please so today i go we're driving up here i go how's school she goes uh it's okay and i go okay what'd you learn she goes I didn't go That's why I was okay Yeah yeah yeah He goes good Because I wasn't there I go why She goes I slept I slept in Oh you missed it And then yesterday She missed Did really? Yeah and they wrote Emails to Kalilah And her grandparents And they haven't gotten it yet Yeah well Because the pigeons That's a far way to her grandmother's in my house right now. Oh.
What do you mean? I thought they were in the Philippines. No, her, Kalalit's parents, mom.
Who lives in the Philippines still? Your parents? Her mom. Oh.
Yeah, her mom doesn't give a fuck. If they wrote your mom a letter saying you're skipping school, what would your mom say? She doesn't care.
Well, tell me what she would say. She god damn it you want her to make shit up that's what the show is yeah that's the whole show so um 57 weeks you've been here kid what are you doing so i don't want to i don't even know i was thinking about not bringing this up but um i just can't help myself because it pissed me off okay What, something that Jules did? No, something that Theo and Brendan Schaub did.

What? about not bringing this up, but I just can't help myself because it pissed me off. Okay, what's something that Jules did?

No, something that Theo and Brendan Schaub did.

Wah-ha-pa.

Can I tell you what happened?

Of course.

All right.

So you know my brother Steve, right?

100% love Stevie Weeby.

Everyone loves Steve.

You love my brother?

Yeah.

Good kid, right?

Doesn't have a car.

Killer piano player.

Doesn't have a car.

Lives in a nice little cozy apartment. Yeah.
yeah cool bed cool bed i like your brother yeah i love my brother and um so my brother um released an album he's a musician yeah for it's for my pops ode to my pops no he has a new one oh that just came out just came out oh nice so he wants to you know promote it right on so last week um fighter than a kid they reach out to him not fighter the kid um the king and the sting oh yeah i know don't roll your eyes i didn't i didn't i'm gonna say that again i'm gonna say that again i didn't roll my i don't don't roll your eyes okay king of the I know you can't help it I get started So my brother decided It's a pretty big show for him That show is huge So my brother doesn't have a car So they reached out to him by the way He doesn't know them Their producer Nick Yeah Nick You Yeah, Nick. Right, you know, Nick.
Yeah. Right.
Goes, hey, you know, reaching out. So Tuesday, and my brother goes, it's a little early.
Can you, can I just come a little later? No, Theo's only in town this amount of time. Yeah.
It's got to be 11 or whatever it might be, right? And my brother goes, oh, you know what? This is a great opportunity for me. I will be there even an hour and a half early.
That's a little absurd. Well, he couldn't get a ride.
The only ride that he could get. What about Uber? No? He doesn't have that.
He doesn't have Uber? No. He also has a thing with money.
What is it? What's the thing? My brother has a little thing with money. What's the thing with money? It doesn't have enough of it? No, he used to be like, if I was like, hey, we're at Starbucks, and I don't have my fucking credit card, I'd be like, hey, can I get a venti? Can you buy me a venti drink, right? Espresso over ice.
My brother's like, I'll just get you a grande. You know what I mean? He's that type of guy.
But he's right. You don't need a venti.
That's absurd. I know, but it's like, you know, it's always like, you know, if we're at a restaurant, right? And I'm like, you know, I'll have the main course book.
My brother will just go to the waiter. No appetizer.
He's right. Because I'm paying for it.
He's trying to save you an extra calories. No, no.
I'm on Stevie's side. It's bullshit.
Good job, Stevie Beebe. All right.
Keep those calories out of Bobby's body body he's that type of guy yeah but he's changing he's better at about it now but anyway so he he has a friend some poor guy you know i mean who has like you know a windowless honda civic from you know 1986 who barely runs right how does it not have windows it doesn't have any windows picks them up right yeah you know i mean seven in the morning my brother hasn't morning. My brother hasn't slept, by the way, because he's so excited, by the way.
Yeah. Right? So they go to – you know where it is? Encino.
It's forever away. Forever away.
Yeah. From where my brother is? It's the other side of the world.
It could have – it's Colorado. Right.
All right? So my brother is excited. He's on the freeway.
Right? And they're playing like – you know, they're playing hip hop. Right.
And they're probably waving their arms like this. Because they just don't care.
They don't care. So they show up early and they go, you know what? Let's not go there directly.
Let's go to Jamba Juice to celebrate. I get it.
You get it, right? I get it. You want juice.
Sometimes you got to get yourself a Jamba Juice. Some wheat grass.
Right. So they drink the Jamba Juice.
And the buddy goes, hey, man, I got shit to do. So just drop you off there.
And my brother goes, all right. So my brother goes to the building, that white building.
Oh, where they shoot. Where they shoot.
Right. The guy drives away.
Okay. All right.
Also, there was some sort of like argument. I don't know exactly what happened.
There was an argument about with the parking attendant and my brother. They almost got in a fist fight.
Can I tell you how crazy this is? Him and I got into an argument when I was there last. That guy.
When I did Theo's show, that guy yelled at me. That's what my brother said.
I didn't like his tone. He was like, you can't park here.
I was like, well, I'm here for someone that's here. He goes, you can't.
Yeah. Well, why? You cannot park here.
Okay. Okay.
Well, I said, I'll go get somebody. I had to go get Nick.
Nick had to come out and go, come out and go nick you know he's oh hey hey he's on the show you know and then he i've never had a problem with that anyway um no i love him so my brother goes and um goes up to the gets in the building yeah locked doors locked yeah yeah yeah knocks locked he waits. He waits.
It's 11. No one's there.
Knocks. No one's there.
He calls. No one's picking up.
Nobody. Nobody.
Then he's a little worried. Then finally he gets a hold of Nick.
And my brother goes, hey, man. Hey, dude.
So I came early and, you know, I'm here for the King and Sting. And he goes, who's this? My brother goes, Steve.

Steve Lee.

And he goes, oh, fuck.

I forgot.

We forgot.

You forgot?

We forgot.

What did you forget?

About him.

Completely.

Not the episode.

Forgot.

Wow.

Right?

So then.

Keep talking.

I'm listening.

What, are you bummed?

No, I'm pissed off.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm pissed off.

My brother's like no my brother's hurt more than anything because he feels like you know nobody he's he's always been my brother's always been like i keep telling him not to compare his life to my you know i'm a comedian it's different but it's like he doesn't he wants respect well yeah everybody deserves respect he wants respect and he wants to be acknowledged yeah you know i mean as a human being yes right so my brother just cried yeah that makes perfect sense it broke it broke him hold on i'm gonna act really mad yeah okay like furious good yeah If it goes to a vo on hey man you're on uh you're on the show we're recording you i just want to let you know up front and be candid with you but i gotta tell you bud it is not going good the first 15 minutes bobby has been just losing his mind he's been yelling because something about his brother and you guys didn't get him on the show. And he's freaking the fuck out right now.
He's mad. What happened? Man, I.
Can I ask you a question? Can I ask you a question? Hold on. Okay, Bob.
All right, go ahead. Why do you.
Do you disrespect me and my family? Like,

are we,

no,

honestly,

like when you look at other comedians,

you,

you probably respect them and you respect their time.

But when you look at me,

it might,

is it because I'm not funny to you or it's because I don't have that, the respect in the comedy community or I don't know what the fucking,

the deal is,

bro.

That's my brother, i know and it's like he doesn't have money he fucking got his way out there and he we are no no no no it's not about money he doesn't want his money dude it's it's about when he knocked on that door and you guys weren't there. My brother fucking cried, bro.
It's disrespectful. And it's like I'm just asking you, did I do anything personally to you to hurt you in any kind of way? Because it just seems like a fucking slam on me, my career, who I am as a person.
And I fucking have tears right now too, dude. It's disrespectful, bro.
So can you explain yourself? There's no explanation except that I fucked up. Theo and Brendan had nothing to do with it.
I booked him. We moved the show up because Theo didn't come back from Nashville.
I could not feel worse. This is not said in jest at all.
What about a phone call? What about a fucking phone call to my brother going, hey, my bad. Theo's not in town, so we're going to move this date.
That's what was supposed to happen, and I just –

So what is it about my brother that you didn't fucking do that?

Nothing about your brother.

We are excited to have him on.

I hope we do have him on.

Oh, it really seems that's exciting because let me say something right now.

If it was fucking Tom Hardy, that wouldn't have fucking happened.

I don't know. I'm pretty dumb.
Oh, all right. Well, you know.
I'm just kidding. I'm kidding, dude.
Nick. Nick, we're just fucking around.
We're fucking around, man. Everything's fine, man.
It's all good. It was an accident.
We're fucking around man It's all good It was an accident We're fucking around I I I Nick I did it No No No No No No This is what I want Nick Nick This is what I want Alright I'm gonna say this right You have to book him again You gotta book him again Because my brother's trying to fucking promote his album Yeah And it's like It hurt fucked him. He did cry.
But my point is, is that he did.

But I already talked to Theo and Brendan.

I already know

it was your fault.

Yeah.

This morning,

they already said

it was your fault.

And wait a minute.

Are you taking the fall?

Nick,

are you taking the fall?

Is it actually

one of their faults

and you're taking the fall

for them?

Help us out here.

Are you being like,

are you being a good producer?

This is your opportunity.

Blow them up

if it needs to be honest.

Yeah.

Because we'll put it.

I'm singing this thing

till I die.

It was all on me.

I fucked up.

Oh,

Thank you. This is your opportunity.
Blow them up if it needs me. To be honest.
Yeah.

I'm king in this thing till I die.

It was all on me.

I fucked up.

Oh, he's caught in a trap.

He is.

He's caught in a trap. He's falling on the sword right now.

He's falling on the sword.

The whole plan was to have him to divide and conquer with you guys.

So, of course, I didn't want to fuck it up and not have him on.

Oh, they're trying to wedge in between our relationship. I see.
We're going to wine and dine Stevie. Yeah, well, you know what? That's a really good start.
Nick, how about this? You got to have him on. You got to promote him.
And he's going to have a really weird request. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but you adhere to it promise me you'll adhere to the request i don't think the or brendan are coming on his podcast that was his one request no no no no no that's no no when he comes there i'm saying oh wait so you're saying to me oh theodore has already done my brother's podcast he did yeah and it's an incredible episode yeah and so here's what i want nick okay this is what I want.
Yeah, give him what he wants. And this will show me, you know, how you feel about me personally.
Yeah. All right.
Number one, I need my brother on King and the Sting within the next month. Yeah.
That's number one. If Theo is even here.
No, it's got to happen. Number two, you get him an Uber.

Okay, yeah.

You pick him up.

That seems like a nice – in fact, no, you have to pick him up personally, Nick.

You got to pick him up personally.

Yeah, you show him that you love him.

To show you how long it took him to drive from where he lives to the place and back.

All right?

So you have to travel those miles.

Do him right, Nick.

Do him – just let me finish, right right and you got to get frankenhead

you have to get frankenhead on my brother's podcast

i'm actually not familiar but i'll do some digging

okay so we love you love you nick thank you thank you for doing it we will handle all those

requests but not because we give in to terrorists because i just feel that bad nick nick nick

Thank you, Nick. Thank you for doing it.
We will handle all those requests, but not because we give in to terrorists because I just feel that bad. Nick? Nick? Nick? Nick? Nick? Nick? Skating on some thin ice today.
Thin ice. It's water.
Thin ice. It's water.
It's water now. Are your feet wet, Nick? Because you're in some deep shit right now.
So let me tell you one more thing, Nick. Can I tell you something? Yeah.
All right. I hung up on him.
Good. Was I too harsh? Yeah.
At first it was really fun. It really like shook me a little bit.
I'm not going to lie. Wow.
Like, honestly, I'm not going to lie. It was really good.
Like genuinely, were you, how did you feel? I felt sad for him. Yeah.
Yeah. Cause I was, I was going to go worse.
Well, I know. And I'm glad you didn't.
I was going to go worse. A piece of me was like, Bobby, relax.
I was about to go like, you know what I mean? You don't know my lawyers? I was going to go lawyers. You know what I mean? How deep I go in the show this and all that kind of stuff.
You can tell he is full-on panicked. Yeah, that was fun.
Full-on panicked. That was really fun.
Nick, good dude. Nick, great dude.
And really let it slip. I mean, talk about.
I mean, talk about. He really was apologetic, though.
He was. He was scared.
He was very honest. He was scared.
I loved how scary it was. You know why that is? Why? Because the way that we are with our staff, with Fancy and with newbie, Petey, Petey, Petey, who you haven't made fun of yet.
We do need to make fun of Pete. Yeah.
A very odd looking man, by the way. Let me say, my disrespect for him.
Yeah. I don't even know who he is.
Yeah, I know. So I think that should say a lot.
Okay, you know what? When I see him, I go, I don't know who that is. I don't want to introduce myself.
But he's a guy that I've seen before here, right? He's been around here, yeah, for a couple of weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think I vaguely. Bobby texted me and said, hey, I'm going to be 10 minutes late.
Is Andres already there? I said, yeah, Fancy's here. And he goes, what about Paul? And I said, Pete is here too.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I said Paul.
How's Paul going to be there? I said, Pete will be here for sure. Paul can't show up today.
Pete, what's your last name? Who cares? He has a present for you guys. Fuck you.
What's your present? What's your present? Pete, what is your last name? So we have it. What your last name pd what foreskin forceman oh what do you got what is that what does he got he's got a gift for us oh my god have you ever tried these no what is smelling smell salts these are bananas so what does it do these are like what athletes use before games they put them under them under their nose and they...
Wake up. It like shocks your body.

All right, go ahead.

Can you die from these?

No.

No, and then we all die.

Have you ever seen it?

What do you do?

You have to crack them, right?

Crack it open.

Crack it open.

How many are there to crack open?

We all get one.

I want one.

You want one?

Yeah, I've seen it.

This is when people are like passed out. Yeah, exactly.
And you sniff it and they wake up. Yeah, you all get one.
Oh, I want one. You want one? Yeah, I've seen it.
This is when people are

passed out.

Yeah, you sniff it and they wake up. Yeah, you use it to wake up.

Alright, we do it at the same time?

No. Why not?

One at a time. Okay, so

Jules, go ahead. Okay.

You crack it like that

and then you sniff it. It says

crush here. It has a little dot where you put your fingers and snap it in half.
Oh, I already ripped it. There.
Is it that bad? Is it that bad? Yeah. Really?

I think I'll die.

If that's what did that.

She's a young woman.

Wait a minute.

What did it smell like?

Piss?

Smells like piss?

Smells like piss.

You go for it next.

I don't really want to do it.

You have to do it.

What do you do?

You break it and put it up?

Yeah. Oh.
I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.
Oh my God. I'm not doing it.
I'm not doing it. I can't do it.
Whoa. What is it? It smells like piss.
Really? It smells like hot. I gotta try it.
Like a hot hit of piss right in your mouth.

All right, ready?

Cool.

You did a good sniff?

You can't avoid it.

Put it up near your face.

Hold on.

Go.

Oh my God.

Woo!

Oh my God.

That was intense.

It smells like fucking.

Oh my God. I love it.
Why is mine red? Mine's red too. Oh my god.
Now I have the smell in my nose. How do I get the smell out of my nose? I love it.
It's ammonia. Oh my god.
It's so good. You want another one? Yeah.
Okay. Oh my god.
That's so good. You want one, Jules? No.
Wait, wait. i want andres to do it too yeah it's your birthday you gotta do one get in here and do one oh my god that was so good they are kind of fun it's fun it's like a drug or something it's cool man my eyes are watering andres i want you to come do one that was intense all right hold on you sit that was intense you sit in my chair sit in my chair and do it.
Do it. Yeah, yeah.
Wow, that was good.

Do it while we sing happy birthday to you.

Ready?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

One, two, three.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday, fancy me.

Happy birthday to you. Oh, my God.
Here you go. No, no, no.
Don't, don't, don't, don't. It's all over his house.
It's a fancy cake for Fancy B. Happy birthday, Fancy B.
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Oh, if you still keep smelling it, it's still in it.

Is it?

Yeah.

Is that a crack a new one?

Double down.

No, no, no.

I'm not going to double.

This is good.

Smell it.

You like it.

I kind of like it.

It's ammonia.

It smells like ammonia.

Oh, my God.

That's so good. Happy birthday, fans.
Happy birthday, fans. Fans, how old are kind of like it.
It's ammonia. It smells like it's ammonia.
Oh my God, that's so good.

Happy birthday, Fance.

Happy birthday, Fance.

Fance, how old are you, baby?

Oh my God.

Do you guys want to guess?

Oh yeah.

The jewels first.

36.

That's a pretty good guess.

That's a pretty good guess.

That's a pretty good guess because I was going to go, I'm going to say 35.

38.

41.

Wow.

Fancy is old. Yeah.
Yeah. You look good for 41, Fancy.
Yeah. Yeah.
I don't look like George. You don't what? Look like George.
George is haggard. Yeah.
By the way, George, when he has a baby, I guarantee you he's going to look so much worse when he comes in here. Oh, he's going to look like.
Yeah. He already doesn't sleep.
He already has anxiety. He already threw the roof with like – He's going to look like Mitch McConnell.

What if he gets really fat?

I would love it if George got fat.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

If he plumped up.

I do want to address – and it's probably – I know this is a comedy podcast, but I do have to address the Atlanta shootings.

I mean because you had an uptick of Asian-Americans being assaulted. You know what I mean, because you had an uptick of

Asian Americans

being assaulted

in the American streets, right?

Was it a 500%

uptick? I don't know. I have no idea.

And then

old men are being shoved

to the ground. I think a couple of people

died. And then

now you have this mass shooting. But get this.
They're saying that it wasn't a hate crime. Do you know why? Do you know why he killed them? I literally know almost nothing about it because it just happened.
This is what he said. He goes, I'm mad because I have a sexual addiction.
So it's a sex crime. I don't know what I'm saying.
I don't get it. It's not a hate crime because he has a sex addiction, but he killed one kind of people.
No, because he goes to brothels all the time. He went to massage parlors.
Okay, time out. I love this.
What are you mad at me for? No, no, no. I didn't do anything.
No, I'm saying the justification of something made me feel good because somebody told me about it today. I wasn't on my phone almost all day today doing anything.
Yeah me feel good because somebody told me about it today i wasn't on the new i wasn't on my phone almost all day today doing anything yeah yeah and somebody told him told me about it and i said wait seriously and they were like yeah some crazy fucking dude i guess shot up you know a bunch of spas and massage parlors yeah or was it one or a few three three right and he said shot up a few and i was like whoa and then i immediately said is it like those kind of massage parlors? And the person that told me was like, why the fuck would you say that? I was like, no, I mean, you know what I mean? Those kind of seedy massage parlors that have sexual things. So my instinct wasn't far off.
That's why he would go to these places and get sexual favors. And then he was angry about his addiction.
So he took it so i was right right it was sexual driven right but i knew it there's so many different things you do i think i don't know i might be wrong and not all those massage parlors give out sexual not only that but they're known for that a lot of exactly and in my mind i mean i'm not a you know a sociologist or you know a psychologist but, but I would think... Or a psychiatrist.

Or a psychiatrist.

Or there'd be a couple of things you would do before murder, like maybe jerk off.

Yeah, jerk off.

Yeah, jerk off.

Jerk off.

Jerk off.

Right?

Read a book.

There's so many different things.

Well, that guy's not going to read a book.

Okay, no, fuck the book, right?

What was that? What was that? I just coughed Why? Because my throat was kind of itchy In the middle of this real serious thing It's so crazy We're trying to have a moment And be respectful It's insane And also it it was for me you know i don't i try not to think about it because i have my life is so good right now but it's like you know it was hard for me as a kid you mean when kids threw ice when i was in minnesota they used to throw ice at my head and go get them eskimo right and i remember running you know what I mean and they're throwing like shards of ice at my face I remember I remember catch the Eskimo yeah yeah yeah yeah or like you know what an insane they would do that yeah yeah that's one kid one kid right I was at the best stop yeah I was living in Minnesota did you ever yell back I'm Korean no you don't know because I thought maybe I was you know mean? If they're accusing me of it. I'm the Eskimo.
I'm a kid. I don't even know what an Eskimo is.
Yeah, I guess that is. Right? So I'm going, I don't know what it is, but I don't want shards of glass on my face.
I remember one time, like, I was at the bus stop, and a kid put bird food on my head. Why? I'll tell you why.
At first, I was, like, giggling, because I thought, this guy never really pays attention to me. Right.
And all of a sudden, black crows started pulling my hair and my backpack. Right.
No, I'm not kidding you. Is this a Pixar movie? And then we flew away up into the sky.
I didn't fly away. But I remember doing this.
And then I remember that night my dad took my backpack because I was explaining him. They put bird flu on my head.
And I swear to God, this is what my dad goes. Then you have to do this.
Then he goes, you have to do this. And he took the backpack and he started swinging around like this.
And then it broke our fucking chandelier. I remember him doing that.
He teaching you how to fight back. Yeah, he goes, you let them do that.
But then you have to take the backpack and the bird and you have to do this right and he doesn't not not fight the kids fight the birds right but i remember all that crazy shit you know what i mean yeah and as a kid you you you dealt with a lot of shit you you go through every moment you deal with it and you know for me it's like i didn't deal with it in a you know violent way i didn't get angry i didn't cho sung we it, the guy that showed up Virginia Tech. I just kind of went, I'm going to use humor as a defense mechanism.
Totally. But some people are crazy.
Here's the problem, though. You're talking rational about an irrational person.
This guy killed people for no other reason than he's a nutbag. It's not because, look, a part of it may be a racial problem, right, obviously.
But the other part he's sick he's mentally sick he's unwell something's wrong with him he targeted an asian people right yes it's a hate crime on top of that he the machine's broken it's fucked up something's really wrong i mean the only what what honestly yeah what would drive you to murder like for instance if somebody... If somebody murdered anybody I love.
All right, so... If you hurt someone I love, if you murdered my parents, my sister, if you did anything to my family...
I would forgive. I would stop at nothing to kill you.
And I would walk around town with your head like this. Yeah, yeah.
I just like... Anybody who hurts my family, I would do that in a heartbeat.
heartbeat Like in medieval times your house would have like spikes With heads on it

If you try to attack my family in medieval times

Like you killed my brother

I'm going to kill your entire family

And anybody you know

Yeah you asked

No what I'm saying to you is this

Let's suppose in medieval times

Here I am

You're in a kingdom or whatever

I'm in Ireland

And I'm in China

I don't know

Thank you. Right.
Let's suppose in medieval times. Here I am.
Right. You're in a kingdom or whatever.
Yeah. I'm in Ireland.
Right. And I'm in China.
I guess. I don't know.
Where? I don't know. Let's say I lived in Ireland too.
Yeah. Make you an Irish guy too.
I'm Irish. Oh my God.
And my brother Steve who's just, you know. Ah, steavy weavy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. My brother Steve kills your brother.
Okay. And I'm like, when I find out about it, I go, what the fuck did you do, Steve? Like, I'm bummed about it.
Right. Right? But then all of a sudden you would kill me and my own family? Correct.
Guilty by association. How's that fucking...
Guilty by association. That's not right though.
Think about that. Remember in high school, we had the athletic code.
The athletic rule of code was if I was at a party and I wasn't drinking, even if I wasn't drinking or doing drugs, if it got busted, I got suspended from basketball because I was there. I say I'm sorry as I'm driving a spear through your head.
Right. I'm sorry, Bob.
But you know what really tears me up? Hmm. Because I watch a lot of court stuff on, you know, like the craziest court, you know what I mean, cases, right? And the ones that always get me, and this sounds so cheesy, is when like, you know, a serial killer kills a man's daughters,

right?

Two daughters.

And the man does his like,

what do you call it?

His deposition,

but he does a testimony at the end.

Sure.

He gets a chance to talk

and he looks at the killer

and he goes,

I just want to say,

I forgive you

and I love you, man.

And you're my brother.

What?

Yeah, when they,

when they forgive.

Never.

No, I'm just saying.

I never,

you killed my kids?

No, no, no.

Let's go. I just want to say I forgive you and I love you, man.
And you're my brother. What? Yeah, when they forgive.
Never. No, I'm just saying.
Never. You killed my kids? No, no, no.
Stop. I'm not saying you're in the fucking video.
I'm just saying. I am now.
When I see the videos and when they forgive, it makes me really emotional. Pass.
No thanks. Well, then you're not involved, dude.
No, no. I'm not going to say you.
There's so much hate there, dude. Are you kidding me? And anger.

You kill my family?

Of course I'm going to do everything in my power to kill you. I'm not saying that I would fucking forgive them either.

I'm just saying.

You said you wanted to forgive.

When I watch the YouTube videos, when they go, look at the guy, and they go, I forgive

you, man.

Insane.

I always cry.

That's all I'm saying.

That's insane, people.

What would you do, Jules?

Same as you.

Yeah, thank you.

See?

My girl.

But I would torture first. Torture first.
She is the fucking best. With wet knives? Yeah, like peel them off and then cut their balls and dicks.
Yeah. You would peel their balls and dicks? And then their nails.
Oh, take their nails off. That's dope.
That's dope. And teeth.
And teeth. You gotta take the teeth.
Yeah, one by one, though. One by one.
And then the eyes. And the eyes, yeah.
How do you scoop out the eyes? My hands. Oh, hands.
Oh, hands. You don't use a utensil when you...
Not a spoon. Yeah.
What else? Maybe their ears. Oh, yes.
Of course. Take out all of it.
Slowly sever their ears off. Leave the ears.
Leave the ears. Cut off the ear and go, you hear me now? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, I knew you'd be on my team. If somebody hurt someone in your family, you would stop at nothing to get them, right? That's right.
How can you forgive that? Because my brother is a snapper head, too. You know what I mean? My brother's a snapper head.
And my brother, like I was, whenever, like when I found out about the women that were murdered today or yesterday, that was my mother. Come on.
My brother. I wouldn't even – I would be so scared.
You would call the cops and go, you have to get him. Yeah, I would be so scared.
My brother would go into a red zone and I don't know what he would do. See, that's what I'm saying.
You need people like you and you need people like us. You need to exist.
You think I'm a pansy then? It's not a pansy. Am I weak? Don't to know you view things differently you're more balanced what's a Colombian necktie I don't know what andres has got to know he laughed about what a Colombian necktie is no I think it's this it's a torture device no Columbia necktie is cutting it's a form of post-modern mutilation in which a victim's tongue is pulled through a deep...
Oh my God. Through their neck.
So it looks like a... It's pulled through a deep cut beneath the jaw and the dangling neck.
Oh my God. Yeah, it's a Colombian necktie.
It appeared in Colombia during the period known as La Valencia. La Valencia, which is a city here in Southern California.
La Valencia. As a method of psychological warfare and designed to scare and intimidate.
So they pull your tongue through your throat. Yeah, throw your throat.
Whoa, that's fucking wild. Pretty cool.
You know what I would do? I would make up one called, you know, the tail. And you take a guy's dick, right? Right, and you shove him this way.
Behind you, yeah, tuck it behind you. Behind you, right? Yeah.
No, through the body. Oh.
Right, so it's inside out. Oh, yeah oh yeah it's inside out and you stick it out of the ass right so the guy's dead with a little fucking you know i mean bloody like inside dick out of his asshole and they would know it was me they would it was bob oh my god that was bob that's bobby the tailgiver the tailgiver yeah yeah yeah i was thinking about i'm thinking about like what would be a good thing to keep out of a human body if i like was proud of it and i wanted show off.
I think she said the eye is very – that's very – Yeah, but how do you – a dried eyeball would disintegrate. You don't got a mason jar? You throw it in a mason jar.
Oh, you just have jars of like a fucking witch around your fucking hut? I have mason jars at my home. You don't have a mason jar? They're not full of fucking human eyeballs.
That's where one would go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you could go get embalming fluid. You can legally get em legally get embalming yeah and you would just put it in there and preserve it maybe like shrunken head does that take a long time i mean months i guess how long does that take i always love shrunken heads you know because you have the whole thing yeah it's right there but it's smaller it like...
How long does it take to shrink a head? The shrinking process doesn't take long at all.

The ritual side of things, on the other hand, would usually total about six days.

For the heads to shrink, they would be boiled for only about two hours.

Boiling it for too long would leave it and ended up gooey and destroyed.

Yeah, go to an image of a shrunken head.

Imagine you've got to set a timer for the head you're boiling.

Wow.

Let's see.

Yeah, like I would do that.

That's like a real head. Yes, it is, certainly is yeah yeah yeah with shrunken head don't you think we do that yeah that's because if you had like you mean a tooth right you could get that in any way right people would be like that's not him but if i have the whole fucking head undeniable it's like i did that yeah, there's no way you can make that up.
And look, it's Charlie.

Whatever, right?

Because he has like a mole, whatever.

That is such a gross photo.

That's insane.

Let me see the other ones.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Keep going down.

Keep going down.

Keep going down.

Oh, like that one.

That one to the right.

To the right.

No, left.

That one.

That's incredible.

That's not a shrunken head.

It says it right there.

Oh, my God.

Oh, they drew on it.

Right, right, right.

Oh, you can draw on it.

Thank you. That's incredible.
That's not a shrunken head. It says it right there.
Oh, my God.

Oh, they drew on it.

Right, right, right.

Oh, you can draw on it.

It's like arts and crafts.

Oh, right.

It's like the pottery thing where you color me mine.

Yeah, that looks cool, man.

That's gross.

Let's get out of here.

This is grossing me out so much.

Crack open a new one, kid.

Yeah, this one lost its edge.

That's a new one.

Crack open a new one, kid Yeah, this one lost its edge That's a new one, crack open a new one, please It kind of stings a little bit That one was wild It wakes you up You know, have you been catching up with the voice or american idol i watched uh i lost i watched um last chance you last night instead what's that oh my god so good they did it's about community college the original one was about community college football players who got who get pushed out of big d1 schools because of their behavior their academics And this is kind of like their last chance at getting back to a big university.

And they do one here in East LA,

East LA Community College.

And these stories will break your soul.

Next week is Hollywood Week on American Idol.

Because all the auditions just ended

and next week, Hollywood Week starts.

So I'm excited about that.

Why don't we audition for American Idol?

Because I can't sing, you fucker. Yeah, we can.
No, we can't. Yeah, we can.
Not at that level. Try.
Okay. Try.
I'm going to get lyrics. I don't even know what lyrics are there.
Ready? We should make Jules sing again. We miss when she sings.
It's my favorite. Jules, bring up a song.
There she goes. Sitting in the morning sun.
I'll be sitting when the evening comes. Nice.
Watching the ships roll in. Is that how it goes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Then I'm watching them roll away again. Yeah.
I'm sitting on the dock of the bay watching the tide roll away i'm just sitting on the dock of the bay wasting time that's really good are you sing one That was really good. Okay.
It was. You ready for mine?

Yeah. That's really good Or you sing one That was really good Okay It was You ready for mine? Yeah go ahead Be as cool Real Like you're really auditioning Okay So let me Because I watch the shows all the time Let me see you be the judge Okay Hi What's your name? Hey I'm Andrew Hi Andrew Where are you from? 37 Tell me about yourself man How long have you been singing? I'd love to be I'm glad i'm here i know but how long you've been singing i'm nervous in front of you lionel richard this is my first time in some oh all right all right buddy just relax calm down we've all been in this place you haven't you've been so good since you were born that's funny pal so um what are you gonna be singing for us today today i'm gonna be singing and not today i'm gonna be singing it's not an original song, sir, but it is my favorite

song and inspired me to become a singer myself.

Okay, well, let's hear it.

Okay.

I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never going to keep me down.

I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never going to keep me down.

I get knocked down.

Thank you.

Thank you. Can I just do the...
No I just do the he drinks a whiskey drink he drinks a vodka drink he drinks a lager drink he drinks a cider drinks he sings the songs that remind him of the good times he sings the songs that remind him of the best times oh Danny boy this episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

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Can we do it again?

I'm being real.

Yeah.

And try to really sing a song as if you're really going to try to.

What's wrong with Tub Thumping? No, no, no.

Chumbawamba is one of the best bands that ever was.

No, I want you to sing a Whitney Houston song or something.

I really want you to try your best to get through.

A Whitney song? This is one of the hardest- Honestly, imagine this, right? Okay. Imagine they said, you know, you have to try your best or your whole family is going to get sick.
Are you serious? Yeah. Okay, here we go.
All right, so I'm going to do the introduction again. No, I have the interview first.
Okay okay I just did the theme oh my bad Jesus hey welcome what's your name hey Andrew how long have you been singing pal since I can six years okay what are you gonna be singing for us today one of my favorite songs songs of all time one of my favorite movies okay go ahead please thank you don't i'm not your parents are gonna get sick okay tell me something boy aren't you tired i messed i me What? Go ahead. Tell me something, boy Aren't you tired of trying to fill that void? Do you need more? Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore Hey, man, I'm not going to fucking laugh when you do it.
Yeah, you're next now. Yeah, you're no.
And I'm done. Now it's your turn.
Go ahead. All right.
Go ahead. All right.
So next contestant. Come on in.
I was really going for it a little bit on that one. What's your name? Hi, I'm Jules.
Hi, Jules. Where are you from? This will be good.
I'm from Cebu. Cebu.
Where's that? Where is Cebu? Where's that?ilippines the philippines wow are you a refugee yes oh my god why did you come over here they love heartfelt stories i know they love yeah why did you come to the united states because i want to be a singer oh wow that's great how were you able to come over here financially are your parents financially stable no i just walk through here. You walked the you walked from the philippines all the way here yeah wow i get it i get it through the bering strait you walked all the way up to the bering strait yeah yeah did you see any eskimos yeah you did all right so what are you going to be singing for us today i will be singing my heart will go Go On.
Dion, what a song. Wow, what a song.
It's a big song. All right, good luck to you.
It's a really tough song. Go ahead.
Every night in my dreams, I see you. I feel you.
That is how I know you.

Go on.

Far across the distance. And spaces between us.

That you have come to.

Go on.

Go.

Come on.

Go on.

Thank you. You have come to go on.

Go.

Come on.

Go on.

This is the big part.

This is the only part that matters.

This is how you're going to get in.

Right?

You want a ticket to Hollywood or not, kids? Okay, go. Ready? Near For

Wherever

You are

I believe

That's the heart does go on

Wait, what is that song called?

My heart will go on

I want to see if I can reach

Titanic

I want to see if I can reach that chorus

To near far?

Yeah, yeah, ready?

Near far

Yeah, yeah, I want to try here

Wherever you are

You got to pull the mic away if you're going to do that

Ready?

Here we go

Thank you. Near, far, wherever you are.

You got to pull the mic away if you're going to do that.

Ready?

Here we go. Near, far, wherever you are.

I believe that the heart does go on once more you open the door and you're it something like that that's really good okay no honestly okay i thought it was okay. I thought it was really good.
You want to try it? I can't do that any justice. That's like one of the best.
That's genuinely. Shut the fuck up.
You know what's so funny what happened? We were driving here. I get a honk from behind me.
Right? And I look in the rear view mirror. I go, what the fuck is going on? And she was like, Tito puppy, just keep driving.
Tito puppy just. And I pull over.
Yeah. Right? And she goes, what are you doing, Tito Bobby? Roll down.
Guess who it was. Who? Oh, sorry.
He just left me a message. Bobby Lee.
Bobby Lee. Who is that? Dean Del Rey.
Really? Yeah. Oh, dude.
He was right behind me. Oh, he was? Yeah was yeah and he goes you talk shit about me on

your fucking podcast that's good he listens yeah wait what did you say about him on the podcast i don't remember can i read you something i was just looking up funny lyrics of songs to sing remember the band 311 listen to these lyrics i'm not singing this i'm taking about you important i. I love Portos.
Have some. Can I really? Yeah, it's his birthday.
Have you ever had Portos? Yeah, but I also want some. Yeah, I was going to give you some.
Wow. You want me to give you a slice? Andres, what's your favorite song? Ritmo.
What is it? Ritmo. That's good that that broke.
How do you spell that? R-I-T-M-O. Ritmo.
By who? Black Eyed Peas. By Black Eyed Peas.
Oh, let's hear the lyrics for this song that he likes so much. Oh, it for his birthday.

Is it really good?

Give me a fork or something. It's a custard or something.
Well, should we let him have some because it's his birthday? Do you get any, Andres, because it's your birthday? Sure. My God, it's good.
Come in here and get some for your birthday, man. Can you give me a fork? Yeah, of course.
Well, there's a spoon. There's spoons over there.
Who brought spoons from their house?

Did you do that, Andres?

It's a custard.

It's beautiful.

You have to cut this yourself because Bobby broke the fucking...

Bobby broke the...

You know what's so sad about this show?

Oh.

He bought his own cake.

This is called Tres Leches.

This is Tres Leches cake?

Yep.

Is it really?

Yep.

This is really good. Yep.
How do you make Tres Leches cake? Yep. Is it really? Yep.
This is really good.

How do you make tres leches cake?

Do you know?

Mm-mm.

All right, so what is this?

So we have a game for Rudy.

Yeah.

To see if she can complete some of America's most famous lines, TV and...

Oh, this is so good.

This is so good.

Okay, so Rudy's got a complete...

Even if you don't know it, you have to fill in the blank. Yes.
All right, so here we go. All right, Rudy, I'm going to read the first one to you, and then you're going to fill in the blank.
Ready? Okay. Magic mirror on the wall.
Who is the- Fairest. Fairest one of all.
That's right. Wow.
Bing, bing, bing. Yeah.
All right. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a...
Damn. Wow.
I'm going to do the next one. Okay, go.
I'm going to make him a... Say it again.
I'm going to make him a... He can't refuse.
So I'm going to make him a... Spider? I'm going to make him a spider he can't refuse.
That's exactly what it is. How did you know that? You seen that movie? No.
It's his second Spider-Man movie. Was it second or third? It was the third Spider-Man movie.
Third Spider-Man. That's right.
So in the third Spider-Man movie, he looks at... Was it Sandman? I think it was the Sandman.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he said, I'm going to make him a...
Oh, the Sandman goes,, I'm going to make him a spider. He can't refuse.
That's true. Yeah, so.
All right, so go ahead, Bob. Read the next one.
May the be with you. What? May the odds be with you.
And that was in? That was in Casino. Casino.
May the odds be with you. Yeah, it was a man dressed in black.
Yeah, and he just walked up. He walked up.
Walked up to De Niro smoking, and he goes, may the odds be That was amazing Go ahead you do the next one Mama always said life is like a box of Chocolate Let's not do the accents because we don't want to give anything away Just read it as Bobby Go ahead Houston we have a Houston we have a Go ahead Houston we have a Go ahead

Houston we have a

Baby That's exactly what it is And what movie is that from? What movie was that from? Three Men and a Baby Three Men and a Baby Because Because Houston Right? That was the mother's Maiden name Maiden name And she was having a baby Yep Right? And the father says Houston Because the mother's laying there Yeah having a baby. We're having a baby.
She was drunk and he was saying how inappropriate it was. Go ahead, Bob.
Bond. James.
Bond. Yeah.
Very good. Say hello to my little sister.
Say hello to my little sister. Exactly what that is.
And that movie was? Was? Hello, Sister. Hello, Sister.
Hello, Sister was a great movie. Great film.
Cate Blanchett was in it. And Robert Downey Jr., right? Robert Downey Jr., right.
Yeah, it was great. Say hello to my little sister.
Yeah. Go ahead.
I love George Clooney. He's an old-fashioned movie star.
He, he sucked my. What? Yeah.
This is good. He sucks.
He sucked my ice cream. Yes.
Yes, exactly. That's pretty close, actually.
I think it was actually gelato. But yes, I love George Clooney.
He's an old-fashioned movie star. He sucks.
He suck my gelato. Yep.
Perfect. Just having a little cock-a-doodle.
Do. Pretty close.
Pretty close. Andres, what's that one the previous one the previous one was from the dictator that's my line yeah that's your line yeah you know do you know what the next one's from from probably movie you did it's from when i did i'm dying up here i'm dying up here yeah i was smoking weed and i said just having a cock a little cock-a-doodle doobie and i was smoking weed i see guess who made Who? Me.
Very good. I'm the blank of the world.
I'm the... I'm the...
The irony is staggering because we just did this. It's insane.
We literally just talked about this movie. I'm the blank of the world.
I'm the best. I'm the best of the world.
The best of the world. Bobby, you got to take this one for obvious reasons.
Wax on, wax. Off.
Pretty on the nose. Pretty easy.
What movie would that be from? Wax on, wax off. Do you know? Bees.
Bees. The bees.
Yeah, yeah. Bees.
Because they obviously. Wax on.
There's wax. And then you take it off from them.
Right. Right.
Wax on. E.T.
Blank Home. I don't know this.
E.T. You know, to be fair, this is really tough.
It's not. No, no, no.
I mean, for her to just guess, it's alien slang. All right, yeah, E.T.
Because, first of all, it's improper English. It's also a difficult word to say.
Right. Because it's technical.
Yeah, it's technologically. Yeah, sciency.
Go ahead. E.T.

Very sciency, Bob.

E.T.

I mean, really, at this point.

Just throw it out there.

Sciency?

Well, you said ice cream once and spider once. E.T.
what?

Galaxy?

E.T. Galaxy Home.
Have you never seen the movie E.T.? No. E.T.
what? E.T. what? Galaxy.
E.T.

Galaxy Home.

Have you never seen the movie E.T.?

No.

E.T.

Galaxy Home.

Galaxy Home.

That is what he said, right?

Well, his galaxy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, that's exactly where he lives.

He lives in the galaxy.

This one's fun.

Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in blank anymore.

Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in.

I've got a feeling we're not in blank anymore. Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in.
I've got a feeling we're not in here. Very good.
That's very honest. Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in here anymore.
This one's great, Bobby. Yeah.
Set it up for this one. Go ahead.
Make my... What a good movie.
Yeah, I love it. Go ahead.
Make my... Milkshake.
Yes! Yes! How did you know that? That's actually really good. That's Milkshake.
How did you know that? I don't know. You saw the movie? No.
That's odd that she wouldn't... How would you know that? How would you know that than not see the movie? I don't know.
I was just thinking of ice cream and then milkshake. What movie do you think it is? I don't know.
You don't know what movie this is? This is Clap the Boat. This is Clap the Boat.
Go ahead. Make my milkshake.
Go ahead. Make my milkshake.
Keep your friends close, but your... Or your enemies closer.
Yeah, well, you know she's a crazy person. She knows that for sure.
They may take our lives, but they'll never take our... You can read this with an accent.
She still won't get it. Yeah, yeah.
They may take our lives, but they'll never take our... They may take our lives, but they'll never take our...
Souls? Souls! Yeah. They can take our lives, they'll never take our souls.
I like this game. That's so good, though.
They'll never take our souls. Okay, let's tell her what it really was.
Well, the last one was... Yeah, we can go through it.
They may take our lives, but they'll never take our... Freedom.
Freedom. That was Braveheart.
Yeah, yeah. That Braveheart.
You got that? Go ahead, make my day. That's Dirty Harry.
Dirty Harry. Do you know who Clint Eastwood is? Yeah.
Oh, cool. It's E.T.
phone home. Yeah, phone.
Right? Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. Do you know where Kansas is? Do you know what it is? The state.
Yeah, exactly. You know what movie that was? No.
Wizard of Oz. You've never seen that? Oh, my God.
God, it that's so wild I'm the king of the world

yeah you just did Titanic

you know you love that movie

I forgot

Wax on Wax Off

is from Karate Kid

yeah

those two phrases

are from me and Bob

yeah

say hello to my little friend

is Scarface

do you know what that is

horror movie

yeah kinda

yeah

yeah

it's kind of a cautionary tale

a cautionary horror tale

Bond

James what'd you say

Bond

James Bond

she got it right

no she got it right. Houston, we have a what? Baby.
Yeah. No, she said Houston, we have a...
Baby. Baby.
Oh, yeah, Houston, we have a baby. And it's Houston, we have a problem.
Yeah. Yeah.
What movie? That's... Apollo 13.
Apollo 13, right. Apollo 13, yeah.
May the Force be with you right and what did she say may the what was it yeah I mean the odds be with you right casino yeah I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse an offer that's from the godfather have you seen that no way no yeah frankly my dear I don't give a damn what you got correct do you know what movie that is No. Really? How did you seen that? No way.
No, yeah. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
I don't give a damn what you got correct.

Do you know what movie that is?

No.

Really?

How do you know that it's damn?

No, it's damn.

I just thought of it.

Oh.

Do you know who says it?

No.

Wow.

Do you know, Bob?

Is it...

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

I don't know. What movie is it? I don't know what movie it is.
Gone with the Wind. Clark Gable.
Clark Gable. I never saw that.
You never saw Gone with the Wind? No. Okay.
Okay. But you love old cinema.
That one I didn't watch. No, I just love that you go, that one I didn't watch.
I'll tell you why. I don't like historical pieces with just a bunch of white people in it.
You don't like slave era films? Like a movie like Emma Comes Along or something like that when it has to do with aristocrats or white. Slavery and shit? Yeah, I just don't like it.
What about Tarantino? He does shit like that all the time. I like that.
Slave movies, yeah? I like that, yeah. Okay.
Magic Mirror uh magic mirror on the wall who is that and you got that right you got that right wait did you she did what did you say fairest who is the fairest bueller of them all yeah um that's pretty good though that's really good for american movie slangs yeah um i have to say you have to watch et yeah let's let's make you a list of stuff you really need to watch yeah you got to watch et et for sure on this list let's go down the list of things you have to watch uh gone with the wind i don't know no no the godfather the godfather you would love the godfather you'd love you would love uh star wars you have you've never seen any star wars i think i've seen the first one okay oh my god you would know if you had or not i don't think she'll like James Bond. I think Scarface would be first one.
Okay. Oh, my God.
You would know if you had or not.

I don't think she'll like James Bond. I think Scarface would be too much for you.

No, no, no, no, for us.

Titanic you've seen.

I think Karate Kid you'd love.

Yeah.

Karate Kid's such a good movie.

E.T. you've never seen.

Why wouldn't you watch that movie?

That's a cute movie with kids and an alien.

His name is E.T. Extraterrestrial.
Oh, but he looks kind of scary. He does.
Yeah. Let's bring him a picture of this long-necked weirdo.
Let's bring him a picture of E.T. right now.
Because honestly, I couldn't agree with her more. I remember as a kid being like, I would never put this thing in my house.
Let me tell you something. If this thing, that in my house, why am I hiding that hiding that in my house yeah and what was he made out of a ball skin sack like ball sack skin he was such an ugly no purpose was this cute they try to say it was like cute it was not a cute creature go to a full body shot of it please there's a full body shot there not cute look at that's a testicle yeah that's a big sack.
Would you hide that in your house? If he came to your house, Rudy, if this crashed in your front yard and you and your friends were when you were like, how old were they? 10 or 11 or 12 and that? Would you ever harbor this in your home? No. You'd probably kill it.
Can I say something about these? You'd probably get one of those knives out and kill it. But the tone of the movie, I remember watching the movie as a kid and walking out of the theater going, oh, that was the greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was unequivably one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life. Oh my God.
It was so magical. I remember walking out with my brother of the theater and just going, wow, that was magical.
I do. I remember feeling that about a handful of movies where you're like, oh, so cool blew your mind.
Ghostbusters, I thought, was one of the coolest movies.

Yeah, that was another really cool one.

They were like, this is amazing.

Yeah, yeah.

The technology back then was absurd.

It's absurd.

And this today, when you look at the CGI and this and all that stuff, it looks awful.

Really?

It's so bad.

It's terrible.

We should try to watch E.T., I think, at home.

She might like it.

Star Wars, you have to watch.

Well, yeah, you really should for cultural reference.

Let me ask you something.

In Star Wars, just they me three characters in Star Wars.

You got this.

You got this.

Darth.

Darth or Dark?

You tell us.

You tell us.

We've never seen it.

Darth Vader?

Very good.

Okay, good.

Darth Vader.

Second one?

Luke. What's his last name? I don't know.
Okay. Right.
That's, you know. It's forgettable.
I just know it's Luke, I am your father. That's his name.
How do you know that? Luke, I am your father. That's a movie you saw? I don't know.
No, she's heard that in the social zeitgeist. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Somebody's saying that, Luke, I am your father. Yeah.
So Luke what? Let's guess his last name, just for fun. Luke.
Think about space stuff. Spacey things.
Luke. Ob.
Luke Ob. No.
Wait, Luke Ob. Obrigan.
Yeah, Luke Obrigan. Luke Obrigan.
That's great. Very good.
Third one. One more character.
Luke Obregon. He was good.
Luke Obregon was good. Yeah.
She does come up with great last names. Amazing names.
Yeah. Amazing.
Archnall. Jose Archnall.
Yeah. He's amazing.
I want to see that movie. She should have a book of baby names.
Go ahead. Name one more character.
Come on. Slinky.
Slinky. Yes.
No, no, no. Slinky was in there Slinky was in there Slinky Slinky was in there Slinky everyone loves Slinky Slinky yeah yeah no Slinky was in there yeah let me ask you something have you ever heard of like C-3PO R2-D2 you never heard of that hmm have you ever heard of Boba Fett okay Luke's last name is Skywalker you've heard of that yeah Princess Leia Han Solo any of these kind of ring a bell yeah okay alright that was a great podcast I had a good time well let's have Rudy take us out take us out with one of your favorite incorrect slangs from there.
Which one did you say? What was the furthest off? I'm going to make him a spider. He can't refuse? Yeah, yeah.
Is that it? Go ahead and say that into the camera and take us home. I'm going to make him a spider.
He can't refuse. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Woo! right, you son of a bitch.

Now you have a little Bobby too.