We Win the Podcast Wars

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Speaker 1 Well, well, well.

Speaker 1 You mother,

Speaker 2 you think you can come to my house, talk to my boys like that? Send us

Speaker 2 going on.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. No, please, no.

Speaker 2 Andre, please, no. I tell you, citizenship.

Speaker 2 You are not. Please, Auntie.
I won't call ice. Pia.

Speaker 2 This one.

Speaker 2 That was not true.

Speaker 2 Oh, Tink Take Whiskey and Sorry Sorts.

Speaker 2 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 Clap the boat.

Speaker 2 Clap the boat. Clap the boat.
Clap the boat. Clap the boat.
Clap the boat. Storing.
Clap. Alexandra.
Clap the boat. Poccio.
The

Speaker 2 directed by

Speaker 2 Jose the boat Archnold

Speaker 2 Where do you get a name like Archie? Archinald from I don't know where did you get that from? Where does Archinald even come from, Jules? She just improvised. That's her, you know.

Speaker 2 I have a lot to talk about today, man. All right, line it up.
What do you got? Well, let's you want to start or are we starting? We started at Clap the Boat. Clap the boat.

Speaker 2 Listen, number one, I have to yell at Jules first. Yeah, please.
Please, please, please. So today I go.

Speaker 2 We're driving up here. I go.

Speaker 2 How's school? She goes,

Speaker 2 it's okay.

Speaker 2 And I go, okay. What'd you learn? She goes, I didn't go.

Speaker 2 That's why I was okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was good because I met, I went to the list. I go, why? She goes, I slept.
Yeah, I slept. Oh, you missed it.
And then yesterday she missed.

Speaker 2 Did, really? Yeah, and they wrote emails to Kalila and her grandparents. And they haven't gotten it yet.
Yeah, well, because the pigeons, yeah, that's a far way to fly.

Speaker 2 No, her grandmother's in my house right now. Oh.
What do you mean? I thought they were in the middle of the game.

Speaker 2 No, her

Speaker 2 Khalil's parents. Mom.
Who lives in the Philippines still? Your parents? Her mom. Oh.
Yeah, her mom doesn't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 If they wrote your mom a letter saying you're skipping school, what would your mom say? She doesn't care. Well, tell me what she would say.
She wouldn't say anything. God damn it.

Speaker 2 You want her to make shit up?

Speaker 2 That's what the show is.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's the whole show.

Speaker 2 It's 57 weeks you've been here, kid. What are you doing? So I don't want to, I don't even know.
I was thinking about not bringing this up, but um, I just can't help myself because it pissed me off.

Speaker 2 Okay, go, what, what, something that Jules did? No, something that uh Theo and Brendan Chobb did. Wahapa.
Can I tell you what happened? Of course. All right.

Speaker 2 So, you know, my brother Steve, right? 100% love Stevie Weeby. Everyone loves Steve.
You love my brother? Yeah. Good kid, right? Doesn't have a car.
Killer piano player. Doesn't have a car.

Speaker 2 Lives in a nice little cozy apartment. Yeah.
Cool dog. Yeah.
Cool bed. Cool bed.

Speaker 2 i like your brother yeah i love my brother and um

Speaker 2 so my brother um released an album he he's a musician yeah from it's for my pops ode to my pops no he has a new one oh that just came out just came out oh nice so he wants to you know promote it right on so last week um fighter than kid they reach out to him not fighter the kid um the king and the sting

Speaker 2 oh yeah i know don't roll your eyes i didn't i didn't i'm gonna say that again

Speaker 2 i'm gonna say that again i didn't roll my eyes. And I want you.
Don't roll your eyes. Okay.
King of the Sting.

Speaker 2 I know. You can't help it.
I get sorry.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 my brother decided. It's a pretty big show for him.
It's a huge show. To promote his

Speaker 2 album.

Speaker 2 So my brother doesn't have a car. So they reached out to him, by the way.
Right.

Speaker 2 He doesn't know them. Right.

Speaker 2 Their producer, Nick. Yeah, Nick.
Right. You know, Nick.
Yeah. Right.
Goes, hey, you know, reaching out. So Tuesday.
And my brother goes, it's a little early.

Speaker 2 Can you, can I just come a little later? No, Theo's only in town this amount of time. Yeah.
It's got to be 11 or whatever. I might be.
Right. And my brother goes, oh, you know what?

Speaker 2 This is a great opportunity for me. I will be there even an hour and a half early.
That's a little absurd. Well, he couldn't get a ride.
So the only ride that he could get. What about Uber, no?

Speaker 2 He doesn't have that. He doesn't have Uber.
No. He also has a thing with money.
What is it?

Speaker 2 What's the thing? My brother has a little thing with money. What's the thing with money? It doesn't have enough of it? No, he used to be like,

Speaker 2 if I was like, hey, we're at Starbucks and I don't have my fucking credit card.

Speaker 2 I'd be like, hey, can I get a, you know, a venti, can you buy me a venti, you know,

Speaker 2 a drink, right, right? Espresso over ice. Mm-hmm.
My brother says, I'll just get you a grande.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? He's that type of guy. But he's right.
You don't need a venti.

Speaker 2 I know, but it's like, you know, it's always like, you know, if we're at a restaurant, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm like, you know, I'll have the main course, but my appetizer, my brother will just go to the waiter. No, no appetizer.
He's running. Because I'm paying for it.

Speaker 2 He's trying to save you an extra calories. No, no.
I'm on Stevie's side.

Speaker 2 Good job, Stevie Bibby. All right.
Keep those calories out of Bobby's body. He's that type of guy.
Yeah. But he's changing.
He's better about it now. But anyway, so

Speaker 2 he has a friend, some poor guy, you know what I mean, who has like, you know,

Speaker 2 a windowless Honda Civic from 1986 who barely runs, right? How does it not have windows? It just has any windows. Picks them up, right? Yeah.
You know what I mean? Seven in the morning.

Speaker 2 My brother hasn't slept, by the way, because he's so excited, by the way. Yeah.
Right. So he, they go to, you know, where it is, Encino.
It's forever away. Forever away.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 From where my brother is. It's the other side of the way.
It could have, it's Colorado. Right.
All right. So my brother is excited.
He's in the on the freeway,

Speaker 2 right? And they're playing like, you know, they're playing hip-hop. Right.
And they're, and they're probably waving their arms like this. Because they just don't care.
They don't care.

Speaker 2 So they show up early and they go, you know what? Let's not go there directly. Let's go to Jamba Juice to celebrate.
I get it. You get it, right? I get it.
You want juice.

Speaker 2 You want to get some week or Jamba Juice. Some week grass.
Right. Right.
So they drink the Jamba juice. And the guy, the buddy goes, you know, hey, man, I got you to do so.
Just drop you off there.

Speaker 2 And my brother goes, all right. So my brother goes to the building, that white building.
Oh, where they live, where they shoot. Where they shoot.
Right. The guy drives away.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 Also, there was some sort of like argument. I don't know exactly what happened.
There was an argument about with the parking attendant and my brother. They almost got in a fist fight.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you how crazy this is? Him and I got into an argument when I was there last.

Speaker 2 That guy.

Speaker 2 When I did Theo's show, that guy yelled at me. That's what I, my brother said, he, his, I didn't like his tone.
He was like, you can't, you can't park here.

Speaker 2 I was like, well, I'm here for one of the, someone that's here. He goes, you can't.
Yeah. Well, why?

Speaker 2 You cannot park here. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. Well, I said, I'll go get somebody.
I had to go get Nick. Nick had to come out and go, Nick, you know, he's.

Speaker 2 Oh, hey, hey, he's on the show.

Speaker 2 You know, and then then he. I've never had a problem with the guy.
Anyway, um...

Speaker 2 No, I love him. So my brother goes and goes up to the, gets in the building.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Locked. Doors locked.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Knocks locked. He waits.
It's 11. No one's there.

Speaker 2 Knocks. No one's there.
He calls. No one's picking up.
Nobody. Nobody.
Then he's a little worried. Then finally he gets a hold of Nick.
And my brother goes, hey, man,

Speaker 2 hey, dude, so I I came early and, you know, I'm here for the King and Sting.

Speaker 2 And he goes, who's this? And my brother goes, Steve. Steve Lee.
And he goes, oh, fuck. I forgot.

Speaker 2 We forgot. You forgot? We forgot.
What did you forget? About him.

Speaker 2 Completely. Not the episode.
Completely. Forgot.
Wow. Right?

Speaker 2 So then,

Speaker 2 keep talking. I'm listening.
What, are you bummed? No, I'm pissed off. Yeah, yeah.
I'm pissed off. So then my brother's like,

Speaker 2 my brother's hurt more than anything because he feels like, you know, nobody, he's always been, my brother's always been like, and I keep telling him not to compare

Speaker 2 his life to mine. You know, I'm a comedian.
It's different, but it's like, he doesn't, he wants respect. Well, yeah, everybody deserves respect.
He wants respect and he wants to be acknowledged. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? As a human being. Yes.
Right.

Speaker 2 So my brother just cried. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.
It broke. It broke him.
Hold on.

Speaker 2 I'm going to act really mad. Yeah, yeah, okay.
Like furious. Good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 If it's ghost voice, it'll be a little shoot.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hey, what's up, dude?

Speaker 3 Hey, what's going on?

Speaker 2 Hey, man,

Speaker 2 you're on the show. We're recording you.
I just want to let you know up front and be candid with you, but I got to tell you, bud, it is not going good.

Speaker 2 The first 15 minutes, Bobby has been just losing his mind. He's been yelling because something about his brother and you guys didn't get him on the show, and he's freaking the fuck out right now.

Speaker 2 He's mad. What happened?

Speaker 2 Man, I uh I can I ask you a question. Can I ask you a question? Hold on.
Oma. Okay, Pop.
All right, go ahead. Why do you

Speaker 2 do you disrespect me and my family?

Speaker 2 Like, are we...

Speaker 2 No, honestly, like, when you look at other comedians, you probably respect them and you respect their time.

Speaker 2 But when you look at me,

Speaker 2 is it because I'm not funny to you or is it because I don't have the respect in the comedy community? Or I don't know what the fucking the deal is, bro.

Speaker 2 That's my brother, bro.

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 2 And it's like, he doesn't have money. He fucking got his way out there.

Speaker 2 And he's not about money. He doesn't want his money, dude.

Speaker 2 It's about when he knocked on that door. And you guys weren't there.
My brother fucking cried, bro.

Speaker 2 It's disrespectful.

Speaker 2 And it's like, I'm just asking you,

Speaker 2 did I do anything personally to you to hurt you in any kind of way? Because it just seems like a fucking slam on me, my career, who I am as a person. And I fucking have tears right now too, dude.

Speaker 2 It's disrespectful, bro. So can you

Speaker 2 explain yourself?

Speaker 3 There's no explanation except that I fucked up. Theo and Brendan had nothing to do with it.
I booked him. We moved the show up because Theo didn't come back from Nashville.
I could not feel worse.

Speaker 3 This is not said in jest at all.

Speaker 2 What about a feeling?

Speaker 2 How about this? What about a phone call?

Speaker 2 What about a fucking phone call to my brother going,

Speaker 2 hey, my bad. Theo's not in town.
So we're going to move this date.

Speaker 3 That's what was supposed to happen. And I just...

Speaker 2 So what is it about my brother that you didn't fucking do that?

Speaker 3 Nothing about your brother. We are excited to have him on.

Speaker 2 I hope we oh, it really seems that's exciting because let me say something right now: if it was fucking Tom Hardy, that wouldn't have fucking happened.

Speaker 3 I don't know, I'm pretty dumb.

Speaker 2 Oh, all right. Well,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 I'm just

Speaker 2 trying to have

Speaker 2 Nick.

Speaker 2 Nick, we're just fucking around. We're fucking around.

Speaker 2 It's all good. It was an accident.
We're fucking around.

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 Nick, I get it. No, but I'm not.
I'm not. No, no, no.
No, no, Nick. No, Nick.
No. This is what I want, Nick.
Nick, this is what I want. All right.
I'm going to just say this, right?

Speaker 2 You have to book him again. You got to book him again.
Because my brother's trying to fucking promote his album.

Speaker 2 And it's like, it hurt him. It fucked him.
He did cry. But my point is, is that.
He did. But I already talked to Theo and Brendan.
I already know it was your fault.

Speaker 2 This morning, they already said it was your fault.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Are you taking the fall? Nick, are you taking the fall? Is it actually one of their faults and you're taking the fall for them?

Speaker 2 Are you being like, are you being king? This is your

Speaker 2 opportunity. Blow them up if it needs to.
To be honest. Yeah.
Because we'll put it.

Speaker 3 I'm king in this thing till I die. It was all on me.
I fucked up.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's fucking up. Dude,

Speaker 2 he is. He's caught in a trap.
He's falling on the sword right now. He's falling on the sword.

Speaker 3 My whole plan was to have him divide and conquer with you guys.

Speaker 3 So, of course, I didn't want to fuck it up and not have him on.

Speaker 2 Oh, they're trying to wedge in between our relationships. I see.
Dividing conquerors.

Speaker 3 We're going to whine and dine Stevie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, you know, that's really going to start.

Speaker 2 Nick, how about this? You got to have him on. You got to promote him.
And he's going to have a really weird request. I'm not going to tell you what it is, but you have to adhere to it.

Speaker 2 Promise me you'll adhere to the request.

Speaker 3 I don't think C. or Brendan are coming on his podcast.
That was his one request.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
When he comes there, I'm saying. Oh, wait.
So you're saying to me, oh, Theodore has already done my brother's podcast. He did.
Yeah, he did.

Speaker 2 And it's an incredible episode. Yeah, and then so it's a great outcome.

Speaker 2 Here's what I want, Nick.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 This is what I want. Yeah, give me a break.
And this will show me, you know, how you feel about me personally. Yeah.
All right. Number one.

Speaker 2 I need my brother on King and the Sting within the next month. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's number one. If Theo is even here.
No, it's got to happen. Number two,

Speaker 2 you get him an Uber.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah. You pick him up.
That seems like a nice person. In fact, no, you have to pick him up personally, Nick.
You got to pick him up personally. Yeah, you

Speaker 2 love it. Show you how long it took him to drive from where he lives to the place and back.
All right. So

Speaker 2 you have to travel those miles. Do them right, Nick.

Speaker 2 Just

Speaker 2 let me finish, right?

Speaker 2 And you got to get Frankenhead.

Speaker 2 You have to get Frankenhead on my brother's podcast.

Speaker 3 I'm actually not familiar, but I'll do some digging.

Speaker 2 Okay. So we love you.
We love you, Nick. Nick, we love you.
Thank you for doing it.

Speaker 3 We will handle all those requests, but not because we give in the terrorists, because I just feel that bad.

Speaker 2 Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, skating on some thin ice.

Speaker 2 It's water.

Speaker 2 It's water. It's water now.
Are your feet wet, Nick? Because you're in some deep shit right now. So let me tell you one more thing, Nick.
Can I tell you something?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. I hung up on him.
Good.

Speaker 2 Was that too harsh? Yeah, at first it was really fun. It really shook me a little bit.
I'm not going to lie. Wow.
Like, honestly, I'm not going to lie. It was really good.
Like, genuinely. Were you?

Speaker 2 Well, how did you feel? I felt sad for him. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was going to go worse. Well, I know, and I'm glad you didn't.
I was going to go worse. He was like, Bobby, relax.

Speaker 2 I was about to go, like, you know what I mean? You don't know my lawyers? I was going to go, lawyers. You know what I mean? How deep I go in the show.
Oh, DC.

Speaker 2 You can tell he is full-on panicked. Yeah, that was funny.
Full-on panic. That was really funny.
Nick, good dude. Nick, great dude.
And

Speaker 2 really let it slip. I mean, talk about it.
Oh,

Speaker 2 I mean, talk about it. He really was apologetic, though.
He was scared. He was very honest.
He was very honest. I loved how scared he was.
You know why that is? Why?

Speaker 2 Because the way that we are with our staff, with Fancy and with newbie PDPDPD, who you haven't made fun of yet, we do need to make fun of Pete. yeah a very here's a here's a very odd-looking man

Speaker 2 let me say but we show

Speaker 2 respect for him yeah i don't even know who he is yeah i know so that i think that should say a lot okay you know what you know when i see him i go i don't know who that is i don't want to introduce myself bobby says he's a guy that i've seen before here right he's been around here yeah

Speaker 2 yeah i think i vaguely bobby said bobby texted me and said hey i'm gonna be 10 minutes late Is Andres already there? I said, yeah, Fancy's here. And he goes, what about Paul?

Speaker 2 And I said, Pete is here, too.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah. I said, Paul.
How is Paul going gonna be there?

Speaker 2 Pete will be here for sure. Paul can't show up.
Pete, what's your last name?

Speaker 2 Who cares?

Speaker 2 He has a present for you guys. Fuck you.
What's your present? What is your present? Pete, what is your last name so we have it?

Speaker 2 What is your last name, Petey? Fourthin'. What? Fourskin?

Speaker 2 Fourthin'. Forsman.
Oh, what have you got? What is that? What does he got? He's got a gift for us. I brought you guys some smelling salts.
Oh my God. Have you ever tried these?

Speaker 2 No, what is smelling smelling salts? These are bananas. So what does it do? These are like what athletes use before games.
They put them under their nose and they

Speaker 2 wake up like it like shocks your body. All right, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Can you die from these? No.

Speaker 2 They're good. No.
And then we all die.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen these? What do you do? You have to crack them, right? Crack it up. Crack it open.
Crack it open. How many are there to crack open? Oh, we all get one.
Oh, I want one. You want one?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've seen it. This is when people are

Speaker 2 passed out and sniff it and they wake up. Yeah, you use it to wake up.

Speaker 2 All right, we do it at the same time. No,

Speaker 2 why not? One at a time. Okay, so Jules, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 You crack it like that, and then you sniff it. It says crush here.
It has a little dot where you put your fingers and snap it in half. Oh, I already ripped it.

Speaker 2 There.

Speaker 2 Is it that bad? It's that bad. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 I think I'll die. If that's what did that, she's a young woman.
Wait a minute. What did it smell like?

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 piss? Smells like piss? It smells like piss. You go for next.
I don't really want to do it. You have to do it.

Speaker 2 What do you do? You spray it and put it up? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing it. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 I can't do it. Whoa.
What is it? It smells like piss.

Speaker 2 It smells like hot. I gotta try it.

Speaker 2 Like a hot hit of piss right in your mouth. Alright, ready?

Speaker 2 You get a good sniff? You can't avoid it. Put it up near your face.
Hold up.

Speaker 2 Go.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 Oh my God. That was intense.
Smells like fucking. Oh my God.
I love it. Why is mine red? Mine's red, too.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Now I have the smell in my nose.
How do I get the smell out of my nose? I love it. It's ammonia.
Oh, my God. It's so good.
You want another one? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. That's so good.
You want one, Jules? No.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, I want Andres to do it too. Andres,

Speaker 2 you You got to do one. Get in here and do one, please.
Oh, my God. That was so good.
They are kind of fun. It's fun.

Speaker 2 That's cool, man. My eyes are watering.
Andres, I want you to come do one. That was intense.
All right, hold on. You sit there.
Yeah, that was intense. You sit in my chair.
Sit in my chair and do it.

Speaker 2 Do it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow, that was good. Do it while we sing happy birthday to you.
Ready? Yeah, yeah. Okay, one, two, three.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday, Fancy Bee.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to you. Oh my God.
Here you go.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, don't go, don't, go, don't go. It's all over his house.

Speaker 2 It's a funcy. It's such a nice.
It's a fancy cake for Fancy Bee.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday, Fancy Bee.

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Speaker 2 Oh, if you can still, if you still keep smelling it,

Speaker 2 it's still in it. Is it? Yeah.
Is that in? Crack a new one. Double down.
No, no, no. I'm not going to double.
This is good, right?

Speaker 2 Smell it. You like it.
I kind of like it.

Speaker 2 It's ammonia. It smells like it's ammonia.
Oh, my God. That's so good.
Happy birthday, fans. Happy birthday, fans.
Fans, how old are you, baby?

Speaker 2 Do you guys want to guess? guess? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 The Jewels first.

Speaker 2 36.

Speaker 2 That's a pretty good guess.

Speaker 2 That's a pretty good guess because I was going to go.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say 35. 38.

Speaker 2 41.

Speaker 2 Wow. Fancy is old.
Yeah. Yeah.
You look good for 41, fans.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't look like George. You don't what? Look like George.
George is haggard. Yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, George, when he has a baby, I guarantee you he's going to look so much worse when he comes in here. Oh, he's going to look like.
Yeah, he's.

Speaker 2 he already doesn't sleep, he already has anxiety, he already threw the roof with like Mitch McConnell.

Speaker 2 What if he gets really fat? I would love it if George got fat. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 If he plumped up, I do want to address, and it's probably, I know there's a comedy podcast, but I do have to address that

Speaker 2 the Atlanta shootings. I mean, because you had, you know,

Speaker 2 an uptick of

Speaker 2 Asian Americans being assaulted, you know what I mean, in the American streets, right? Was it 500%?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I have no idea.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then,

Speaker 2 you know, and you know, old men are being shoved to the ground. I think a couple of people died.
And then now you have this mass shooting.

Speaker 2 But get this: it wasn't,

Speaker 2 they're saying that it wasn't a hate crime. Do you know why?

Speaker 2 Do you know why he killed them? I literally know almost

Speaker 2 because it just happened. This is what he said.

Speaker 2 He goes, I'm mad because I have a sexual addiction.

Speaker 2 So it's a sex crime.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't get it. It's not a hate crime because he has a sex addiction, but he killed one kind of people.
No, because he goes to brothels all the time. He went to massage parlors.
Okay, timeout.

Speaker 2 I love this.

Speaker 2 What are you mad at me for? No, no, no, no, no. I'm just...

Speaker 2 I didn't do anything. No, I'm saying the justification of something made me feel good because somebody told me about it today.

Speaker 2 I wasn't on my phone almost all day today doing anything. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And somebody told me about it. And I said, wait, seriously? And they were like, yeah, some crazy fucking dude, I guess, shot up, you know, a bunch of spas and massage parlors.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or was it one or a few? Three. Three.
Right. And he said, shot up a few.
And I was like, whoa. And then I immediately said,

Speaker 2 is it like those kind of massage parlors? And the person that told me was like, why the fuck would you say that? I was like, no, I mean, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 Those kind of CD massage parlors that have sexual things. So my instinct wasn't far off.
That's why he would go to these places and get sexual favors, and then

Speaker 2 he was angry about his addiction. So he took it.
So I was right. Right.
It was sexual driven. Right.
But I knew it. There's so many different things you do, I think.
I don't know. I might be wrong.

Speaker 2 And not all those massage parlors give out sexual favors. Not only that, but they're known for that.
A lot of states. Exactly.
And in my mind, I mean, I'm not

Speaker 2 a sociologist or a psychologist, but I would think.

Speaker 2 Or there'd be a couple of things you would do before

Speaker 2 murder, like maybe

Speaker 2 jerk off. Yeah, jerk off.
Yeah, jerk off. Jerk off.
Jerk off. Right? Read a book.
There's so many different things. Well, that guy's not going to read a book.
Okay, no, fuck the book, right?

Speaker 2 What was that? What was that? I just coughed. Why?

Speaker 2 Because my throat was kind of itchy.

Speaker 2 In the middle of this real serious thing. It's so crazy.
We're doing this.

Speaker 2 We're trying to have a moment and be respectful.

Speaker 2 It's insane. It's like,

Speaker 2 and also it just brings back like

Speaker 2 how hard it was for me. You know, I don't, I try not to think about it because I have, my life is so good right now.
But it's like, you know, it was hard for me as a kid. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 When kids threw ice. When I was in Minnesota, they used to throw ice at my head and go, get him, Eskimo.

Speaker 2 Right. And I remember running, you know what I mean? And they're throwing like shards of ice at my face.
I remember

Speaker 2 I remember catch the Eskimo. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like, you know.
What an insane. They would do that.
Yeah, yeah. That's it.
Or one kid, one kid, right? I was at the best stop. I was living in Minnesota.

Speaker 2 Did you ever yell back? I'm Korean. No, you don't.
No, because I thought maybe I was.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? If they're accusing me of it, I'm the Eskimo. I don't even know.
I'm a kid. I don't even know what an Eskimo is.
Yeah, I guess that's not. Right?

Speaker 2 So I'm going, I don't know what it is, but I don't want shards of... That's on my face.
I remember one time, like, I was at the bus stop and a kid put bird food on my head. Why?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why. At first, I was like giggling because I thought, this guy never really pays attention to me.

Speaker 2 And all of a sudden,

Speaker 2 black crows started pulling my hair and my backpack. Right.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not kidding you. Was this a Pixar movie? And then we flew away up into the sky.
I didn't fly away, but I remember doing this.

Speaker 2 And then I remember that night, my dad took my backpack because I was explaining to him they put bird food on my head. And my buddy, I swear to God, this is why my dad goes, then you have to do this.

Speaker 2 Then he goes, you have to do this. And he took the backpack and he started swinging it around like this.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 it broke our fucking chandelier.

Speaker 2 I remember him doing that. He's teaching how to fight the packages.
Yeah, he goes, you let them do that, but then you have to take the backpack and the bird and you have to do this.

Speaker 2 Because I got not fight the kids.

Speaker 2 You're about to fight the birds, right? But I remember all that crazy shit. You know what I mean? Yeah.
And as a kid,

Speaker 2 you dealt with a lot of shit.

Speaker 2 You go through every moment, you deal with it. And, you know, for me, it's like I didn't deal with it in a

Speaker 2 violent way. I didn't get angry.
I didn't choose ongoing. You know, the guy that shit up Virginia Tech.
You know, I just kind of went, I'm going to use humor as a defense mechanism. Totally.

Speaker 2 But some people are crazy. Here's the problem, though.
You're talking rational about an irrational person. This guy killed people for no other reason than he's a nutbag.

Speaker 2 It's not because, look, a part of it may be a racial problem, right? Obviously. But the other part of it is he's sick.
He's mentally sick. He's unwell.
Something's wrong with him.

Speaker 2 He targeted Asian people, right? Yes, it's a hate crime. On top of that,

Speaker 2 the machine's broken. It's fucked up.
Something's really wrong. I mean, the only, what, honestly.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What would drive you to murder? Like, for instance. If somebody murdered anybody I love.

Speaker 2 All right, so. If you hurt someone I love, if you murdered my parents, my sister, if you did anything to my family, I would forgive.
I would kill, I would stop at nothing but kill you.

Speaker 2 And I would have your head and I would walk around town with your head like this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just like,

Speaker 2 anybody who hurts my family, I would do that in a heartbeat. Like in medieval times, your house would have like spikes with heads on it.
100% in the front. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 If you try to attack my family in medieval times, like you killed my brother, I'm going to kill your entire family and anybody you know. It's too, and I'm putting your head.
Yeah. You asked.

Speaker 2 No, what I'm saying to you is this, all right? Let's suppose in medieval times. Here I am.
Right. You're in a kingdom or whatever.
Yeah, I'm in Ireland. All right.
And I'm in China.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Where? I don't know.
Let's say I lived in Ireland too. Yeah, me too.

Speaker 2 My God. And my brother Steve, who's just, you know.
Ah, Stevey Weavy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
My brother Steve kills your brother. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, when I find out about it, I go, what the fuck did you do, Steve? Like, I'm bummed about it. Right.
Right? But then all of a sudden, you would kill me and my whole family? Correct.

Speaker 2 Guilty by association. I'll say fucking.
Guilty by association. That's not right to think about that.
Remember in high school, we had the athletic code.

Speaker 2 The athletic rule of code was if I was at a party and I I wasn't drinking, even if I wasn't drinking or doing drugs, if it got busted, I got suspended from basketball because I was there.

Speaker 2 I say I'm sorry, as I'm driving a spear through your head, right? I'm sorry,

Speaker 2 but you know what really tears me up when I watch, because I watch a lot of court stuff on, you know, like the craziest court, you know what I mean, cases, right?

Speaker 2 And the ones that always get me, and this sounds so cheesy, is when, like, you know, a serial killer kills a man's daughters, like two daughters, and the man does his, like, what do you call it, his

Speaker 2 deposition, but he does a testimony at the end. Sure.

Speaker 2 He gets a chance to talk.

Speaker 2 And he looks at the killer and he goes, I just want to say I forgive you and I love you, man. And you're my brother.
What? Yeah, when they forgive. Never.
No, I'm just saying I. You never.

Speaker 2 You killed my kids. No, no, no.
Listen, stop.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying you're in the fucking video. I'm just saying.
I am now. When I see the videos and

Speaker 2 when they forgive, it makes me really emotional. Pass.
No, thanks. Well, then you're not involved.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Honestly, you, there's so much hate there.
Are you kidding me? Anger? You kill my family? Of course, I'm going to do everything in my power to kill your family.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying that I would fucking forgive them either. I'm just saying

Speaker 2 when I watch the YouTube videos, when they go, look at the guy and they go, I forgive you, man. Insane.
I always cry. That's all I'm saying.
That's insane, people. What would you do, Jules?

Speaker 2 Same as you. Yeah, thank you.
See,

Speaker 2 my girl.

Speaker 2 Torture first. Torture first.

Speaker 2 She is the fucking. With wet knives?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Like, um, peel them off and then cut their

Speaker 2 balls and dicks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you would peel their balls and dicks, and then their nails. I'll take the nails off.
Oh, take their nails off. That's dope, that's dope.
And teeth, and teeth, and teeth, and teeth.

Speaker 2 You gotta take the teeth, yeah, one by one, though. One by one, and then the eyes.
And the eyes, yeah. How do you scoop out the eyes? My hands.
Oh, hands!

Speaker 2 You don't use a utensil when you use it. Not a spoon.
Yeah. What else?

Speaker 2 Maybe their ears. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Slowly sever their ears. Leave the ears.

Speaker 2 Leave the ears. Cut off the ear and go, you hear me now?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. See, I knew you'd be on my team.
If somebody hurt someone in your family, you would stop at nothing to get them, right? That's right. How can you forgive that?

Speaker 2 Because my brother is a snapperhead, too. You know what I mean? My brother's a snapperhead.

Speaker 2 And my brother, like, I was, whenever, like, when I found out about the women that were murdered today or yesterday, if that was my mother. Come on.
My brother, I wouldn't even, I would be so scared.

Speaker 2 You would call the cops and go, you have to get him. Yeah, I would be so scared.
My brother would go into a red zone, and I don't know what he would do. See, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 You need people like you, and you need people like us.

Speaker 2 You need to exist. You think I'm a pansy then? It's not a pansy.
No, we do that. Don't do that.
No. No, I want to know.
You view things differently. You're more balanced.
What's a Columbian necktie?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Andres has got to know.
He laughed at me. You know what a Columbia necktie is? No.
I think it's this. It's it a torture device? No.
Columbia necktie is cutting.

Speaker 2 It's a form of post-modern mutilation in which a victim's tongue is pulled through a deep.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. Through their neck.
So it looks like a... It's pulled through a deep cut beneath the jaw and the dangling neck.
Oh my God.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a Columbia necktie. It appeared in Columbia during the period known as

Speaker 2 La Valencia, which is a city here in Southern California, La Valencia, as a method of psychological warfare and designed to scare and intimidate. So they pull your tongue through your throat.

Speaker 2 Neck, throw your throat. Whoa, that's pretty cool.
Fucking wild. That's pretty cool.

Speaker 2 You know what I would do? I would make up one called,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 the tail. And you take a guy's dick, right?

Speaker 2 Right. And you shove him this way.
Behind you. Yeah, tuck it behind you.
Yeah. No, through the body.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Inside out. Oh, yeah.
It's inside out. And you stick it out of the ass, right? So the guy's dead with a little fucking, you know what I mean, bloody, like, inside dick out of his asshole.

Speaker 2 And they would know it was me. They would.
Because it was Bob. Oh, my God.
That was Bobby. He was Bobby the tailgover.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I was thinking about, I'm thinking about what would be a good thing to keep out of a human body if I was proud of it and I wanted to show off.

Speaker 2 I think she said the eye is very, that's very, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, but how do you do well? A dried eyeball would disintegrate.
You don't got a mason jar? You throw it in a mason jar.

Speaker 2 Oh, you just have jars of like a fucking witch around you.

Speaker 2 I have mason jars at my home. You don't have a mason jar? That dark are full of fucking human eyeballs.

Speaker 2 That's where one would go. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you can go get embalming fluid. You can legally get embalming fluid and you would just put it in there and preserve it.
Maybe like shrunken head.

Speaker 2 Does that take a long time? I mean, months, I guess.

Speaker 2 How long does that take?

Speaker 2 I always love shrunken heads.

Speaker 2 You know, because you have the whole thing. Yeah, it's right there.
But it's smaller. It's like.
How long does it take to shrink a head? The shrinking process doesn't take long at all.

Speaker 2 The ritual side of things, on the other hand, would usually total about six days. For the heads to shrink, they would be boiled for only about two hours.

Speaker 2 Boiling it for too long would leave it and ended up gooey and destroyed. Yeah, go to an image of a shrunken head.
Imagine you got to set a timer for the head to boil.

Speaker 2 Wow. Let's see.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like I would do that.

Speaker 2 That's like a real head. Yes, it is, unfortunately.
Yeah, it certainly is. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, with shrunken head. Don't you think we do

Speaker 2 that? Yeah. That's sweet.
Because if you had, like, you mean, a tooth, right? You could get that in anywhere.

Speaker 2 People would be like, that's not him. But if I wasn't his team.

Speaker 2 Fucking head. Undeniable.
It's like, I did that. Yeah, there's no way you can.
And look, it's Charlie.

Speaker 2 Right? Because he has like a mole, right? That is such a gross photo. That's insane.
Let me me see the other ones. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Keep going down.
Keep going. Keep going down.

Speaker 2 Keep going down. Oh, like that one.
That one. To the right.
To the right.

Speaker 2 No, left. That one.
That's incredible. That's not a.

Speaker 2 Is that a shrunken head? It says it right there. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Oh, they drew on it. You're right, right, right.
They tell you. Oh, you can draw on it.
It's like an arts and crafts. Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like the pottery thing where you color me mine. Yeah, that looks cool, man.
That's gross. Let's get out of here.
This is grossing me out so much. Crack open a new one, kid.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this one lost its edge. That's a new one.
Crack open a new one, please.

Speaker 2 It kind of stings a little bit.

Speaker 2 That one was wild.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 It wakes you up. You know,

Speaker 2 have you been catching up with The Voice or American Idol?

Speaker 2 I watched Last Chance You last night instead. What's that?

Speaker 2 Oh my God, so good.

Speaker 2 It's about community college. The original one was about community college football players who got it, who get pushed out of big D1 schools because of their behavior or their academics.

Speaker 2 And this is kind of like their last chance at getting back to a big university. And they do one here in East LA.
East LA Community College. And these stories will break your soul.

Speaker 2 Next week is Hollywood Week on American Idol.

Speaker 2 Because all the auditions just ended, and next week Hollywood week starts. So I'm excited about that.
Why don't we audition for American Idol? Because I can't sing, you fucker. Yeah, we can.

Speaker 2 No, we can't. Yeah, we can.
Not at that level. Try.

Speaker 2 Okay. Try.
I gotta get lyrics. I don't even know lyrics of it.
Ready? We should make Jules sing again. We miss when she sings.
It's my favorite. Jules, bring up a song.

Speaker 2 There she goes.

Speaker 2 Sitting in the morning sun.

Speaker 2 I'll be sitting when the evening comes.

Speaker 2 Nice. Watching the ships roll in.

Speaker 2 Is that how it goes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I'm watching them roll away

Speaker 2 again.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm sitting on the duck of the bay,

Speaker 2 watching the tide

Speaker 2 roll away.

Speaker 2 Ooh,

Speaker 2 I'm just sitting on the duck of the bay,

Speaker 2 wasting

Speaker 2 time.

Speaker 2 that's really good you say are you sing one

Speaker 2 that was really good okay

Speaker 2 it was you ready for mine yeah go ahead be as cool real like you're really auditioning okay so let me let me because i watch the shows all the time let me be the judge okay hi um what's your name hey i'm andrew hi andrew uh where are you from 37.

Speaker 2 tell me about yourself man how long you've been singing yeah i'd love to be i'm i'm glad i'm here i know but how long you've been singing i'm nervous in in front of you lional richer this is my first time in some

Speaker 2 All right, buddy. Just relax, calm down.
We've all been in this place. You haven't.
You've been so good since you were born.

Speaker 2 That's funny, pal. So, um, what are you going to be singing for us today? Today, I'm going to be singing, and not unfortunately.

Speaker 2 Today, I'm going to be singing. It's not an original song, sir,

Speaker 2 but it is my favorite song, and it inspired me to become a singer myself. Okay, well, let's hear it.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never gonna keep me down. I get knocked down, but I get up again, and you're never never gonna keep me down.
I get up.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Can I just do the

Speaker 2 whiskey drink? He drinks a vodka drink. Security drinks.
He drinks a lager drink. He drinks a side of drinks.
He sings the songs that remind him of the good times.

Speaker 2 He sings the songs that remind him of the best times.

Speaker 2 Oh, Danny boy.

Speaker 2 And

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Speaker 2 Rules and restrictions apply. Can we do it again? I'm being real.
Yeah. And try to really sing a song as if you're really going to try to...
What's wrong with Tub Fum? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Trump's humbling was one of the best. No, I want you to sing a Whitney Houston song or something I really want you to try your best to get through.
A Whitney song? This is the hardest thing.

Speaker 2 I'm honestly, imagine you're fucking. Imagine this, right? Okay.

Speaker 2 Imagine they said, you know,

Speaker 2 you have to try your best or

Speaker 2 your whole family is going to get sick. Are you serious? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, here we go. All right.
So I'm going to do the introduction again. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
At the interview first. Okay, I just did the theme.
Oh, my bad. Jesus.

Speaker 2 Hey, welcome. What's your name? Hey, Andrew.

Speaker 2 How long have you been singing, pal?

Speaker 2 Since I can tell

Speaker 2 for six years.

Speaker 2 What are you going to be singing for us? Today, one of my favorite songs of all time, one of my favorite movies. Okay, go ahead, please.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Don't. I'm not.
Your parents are getting sick. Okay.

Speaker 2 Sing that.

Speaker 2 Tell me something, boy.

Speaker 2 Aren't you tired of...

Speaker 2 I messed it up. Tell me.

Speaker 2 What? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Tell me something, boy.

Speaker 2 Aren't you tired of trying to fill that void?

Speaker 2 Do you need

Speaker 2 more?

Speaker 2 Ain't it how to keep it

Speaker 2 so hot?

Speaker 2 Hey, man, I'm not going to fucking laugh when you do it. Yeah, you're next now.
Yeah, you're no, and I'm done. Now it's your turn.
Go ahead. All right.

Speaker 2 right go ahead all right so next contestant come on i was really going for it yeah

Speaker 2 what's your name hi i'm jules hi jules where you from this will be good i'm from cebu

Speaker 2 where's that where is cebu where's that philippines the philippines wow are you a refugee yes oh my god why did you come over here they love hearts heartfelt stories

Speaker 2 yeah why did you come to the united states because i want to be a singer oh wow that's great how were you able to come over here financially are your parents financially stable stable?

Speaker 2 No, I just walked through here.

Speaker 2 You walked the walk through? You walked from the Philippines all the way here? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 I get it. I get it.
Through the Bering Strait? You walked all the way up to the Bering Strait? Yeah, yeah. Did you see any Eskimos?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You did? All right, so

Speaker 2 what are you going to be singing for us today? I will be singing My Heart Will Go On by Sunday. Dion, what a song.
Wow, what a song. What a song.
It's a big song. It's really good.
Look to you.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Every night in my dreams, I see you.

Speaker 2 I feel you.

Speaker 2 That is how I know you.

Speaker 2 Go on.

Speaker 2 Far across the distance

Speaker 2 and spaces

Speaker 2 between

Speaker 2 us.

Speaker 2 That

Speaker 2 you have come to

Speaker 2 go on.

Speaker 2 Go.

Speaker 2 Come on. Go on.
This is the big part. This is the big, the only part that matters is how you're going to get in.
All right. You want a ticket to Hollywood or not, kids? Take it, go.
Ready? Near.

Speaker 2 Wherever

Speaker 2 you are.

Speaker 2 I believe

Speaker 2 that the heart does

Speaker 2 go on. Wait, what is that song called?

Speaker 2 My heart will go on. I want to see if I can reach Titanic.
I want to see if I can reach that chorus.

Speaker 2 To near far? Yeah, yeah, ready. Near

Speaker 2 far. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to try here.
Wherever

Speaker 2 you are. You got to pull the mic away if you're going to do that.
Ready?

Speaker 2 Here we go.

Speaker 2 Near

Speaker 2 far,

Speaker 2 wherever

Speaker 2 you are.

Speaker 2 I believe that the heart does

Speaker 2 go on.

Speaker 2 Want

Speaker 2 more,

Speaker 2 you open

Speaker 2 the door

Speaker 2 and you're it. Something like that.
That's really good. I thought that was okay.
No, honestly. I thought that was okay.
I thought it was okay. I thought that was really good.
You want to try it?

Speaker 2 I can't do that any justice. That's like one of the best.
That's genuinely. Shut the fuck up.
You know what's so funny? What happened? We were driving here. I get a honk from behind me.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And I look in the rearview mirror. I go, what the fuck is going on? And Jules, like,

Speaker 2 Tito Puppy, just keep driving.

Speaker 2 And I pull over. Yeah.
Right? And she goes, what are you doing, Tito Puppy? Roll down. Guess who it was? Who? I'll show you.
He just left me a message.

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee!

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee!

Speaker 2 Who is that? Dean Del Rey.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. Oh, dude.
He was right behind me. Oh, he was? Yeah, and he goes, you talk shit about me on your fucking podcast.
That's good. He listens.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wait, what did you say about him on the podcast? I don't remember.

Speaker 2 Can I read you something? I was just looking up funny lyrics of songs to sing.

Speaker 2 Remember the band 311? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 Listen to these lyrics. I'm not singing this.
Take a button. You're important.
Portos. I love Portos.

Speaker 2 Have some. Can I relate? Yeah, it's his birthday.
You're a Portos? Yeah, but I also want some.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was going to give you some. Wow.

Speaker 2 You want me to give you a slice?

Speaker 2 Andres, Andres, what's your favorite song?

Speaker 2 Ritmo. What is it? Ritmo.
That's good that that broke. How do you spell that?

Speaker 2 R-I-T-M-O. Ritmo.
By who?

Speaker 2 Black-eyed peas. By black-eyed peas.

Speaker 2 Oh, let's hear the lyrics for this song that he likes so much.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's in Spanish. Spanglish.
It's in Spanglish. Toro la noche, rompe, ropemo.
Alto oto diva, ropemo. Tu saba les como legemo.
Baby, baby. Tonight's like fuego.
We bought a spenda dinero.

Speaker 2 We party to the extremo, baby. Toda la noche, ropemo.
Aloto dio volmero. Tus sabas como lo hazamo.
Baby, tu nice tenai like fuego.

Speaker 2 I wanted to sing it for his birthday.

Speaker 2 Is it really good?

Speaker 2 Give me a fork or something. It's a custard custard or something.
Well, should we let him have some? Because it's his birthday?

Speaker 2 Do you get any, Andres, because it's your birthday? Sure. My God, it's good.
Come in here and get some for your birthday, man. Peter, Andrew, can you give me a fork? Yeah, of course.

Speaker 2 Well, there's a spoon. There's spoons over there.
Who's spoon? Who brought spoons from their house?

Speaker 2 Did you do that, Andres? It's a custard. It's beautiful.
You have to cut this yourself because Bobby broke the fucking Bobby broke the.

Speaker 2 You know what's so sad about this show?

Speaker 2 He bought his own cake. This is called Tresleches.
This is Lecce's cake? Yep. Is it really? Yep.
This is really good.

Speaker 2 How do you make Tres Leche's cake? Do you know?

Speaker 2 All right, so

Speaker 2 what is this? So we have a game for Rudy

Speaker 2 to see if she can complete some of America's most famous lines, TB and. Oh, this is so good.
This is so good.

Speaker 2 Okay, so Rudy's got a...

Speaker 2 You can't complete it if you don't know it. You have to fill in the blank.
Yes. All right, so here we go.
All right, Rudy.

Speaker 2 I'm going to read the first one to you, and then you're going to fill in the blank. Ready? Okay.
Magic mirror on the wall. Who is the

Speaker 2 fairest one of all? That's right. Wow.
Bing, bing, bing. Yep.
All right. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a

Speaker 2 damn. Wow.

Speaker 2 Okay, go.

Speaker 2 I'm going to make him a

Speaker 2 say it again. I'm going to make him a.
He can't refuse. So I'm going to make him a

Speaker 2 spider. I'm going to make him a spider.
He can't refuse. That's exactly what it is.
How did you know that? You seen that movie? No. It's just a second Spider-Man movie.
Was it second or third?

Speaker 2 It was a third Spider-Man. Third Spider-Man, right? So in this third Spider-Man movie movie, he looks at,

Speaker 2 was it Sandman? I think it was the Sandman. Yeah, he said, I'm going to make a Spider-Man.
Oh, Sandman goes, I'm going to make him a spider. He can't refuse.
He can't refuse. That's true.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right, so go ahead, Bob. Breathe the next one.
May the be with you. What?

Speaker 2 May the odds be with you. And that was in?

Speaker 2 That was in casino.

Speaker 2 May the odds be with you. Yeah, it was a man dressed in black.
Yep. And he just walked up.
He walked up. Walked up to De Miro smoking, and he goes, May the odds be with you.
Yeah, that was amazing.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. You did the next one.
Mama always said, Life is like a box of chocolate. Exactly.
Let's not do the accents because we don't want to give anything away. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.

Speaker 2 Just read it as Bobby. Yeah.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Houston, we have a.

Speaker 2 Houston we have a. Go ahead.
Houston we have a

Speaker 3 baby.

Speaker 2 That's exactly what it is. And what movie is that from? What movie was that from? Three men and a baby.
Three men and a baby. Because

Speaker 2 Houston, right? That was the mother's name. Was the mother

Speaker 2 maiden name? And she was having a baby. Yep.
Right?

Speaker 2 And the father says, Houston, because the mother's laying there. Yeah.
We're having a baby. We're having a baby.
She was drunk, and he's just saying how inappropriate it was. Go ahead, Bob.

Speaker 2 Bond, James. Bond.
Yeah. Very good.
Say hello to my little sister. Say hello to my little sister.
Exactly what that is. And that movie was.
It was.

Speaker 2 Hello, sister. Hello, sister.

Speaker 2 Sister was a great film. Kate Blanchett was in it.
And Robert Downey Jr. Robert Downey Jr., right.
Yeah, it was great. Say hello to my little sister.
Yeah. So go ahead.
I love George Clooney.

Speaker 2 He's an old-fashioned movie star. He

Speaker 2 sucked my.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is good.

Speaker 2 He sucks he suck my ice cream. Yes, exactly.
That's pretty close actually

Speaker 2 I think it I think it was actually gelato, but yes, I love George Clooney. He's an old-fashioned movie star.
He sucks. He sucked my ice cream my gelato.
Yep. Perfect.
Just having a little cockadoodle.

Speaker 2 Pretty close. Pretty close.
Andres, what's that one from? Oh, and you know the previous one? The previous one was from the dictator. That's my line.
Yeah, that's your line. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you know what the next one's from? From the probably movie you did? It's from when I did I'm Dying Up Here. I'm Dying Up Here, yeah.

Speaker 2 I was smoking weed, and I said, just having a little cockadoodle doobie, and I was smoking weed in the morning. Oh, I see.
Guess who made up that line? Who? Me. Very good.
I'm the blank of the world.

Speaker 2 I'm the.

Speaker 2 I'm the.

Speaker 2 The irony is staggering because we just did this.

Speaker 2 It's insane. We literally just talked about this movie.
I'm the blank of the world. I'm the best.
I'm the best of the world.

Speaker 2 The best of the world. Bobby, you got to take this one for obvious reasons.
Wax on, wax.

Speaker 2 Off. Pretty on the nose.
But pretty easy. What movie would that be from?

Speaker 2 Wax on, wax off. Do you know? Bees.
Bees. Bees.
The bees.

Speaker 2 Bees. Because they obviously.
Wax on. There's wax.
And then you take it off from them. Right.
Right.

Speaker 2 E. T.

Speaker 2 Blank home. I don't know this.

Speaker 2 E. T.

Speaker 2 You know, to be fair, this is really tough. It's not.
No, no, no. I mean, mean, I mean, for her to just guess, it's alien slang.

Speaker 2 Yeah, E.T. Because it's in,

Speaker 2 first of all, it's in proper English. It's also a difficult word to say.
Right. Because it's technical.
Yeah, it's technological. It's sciencey.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. E.T.

Speaker 2 Very sciencey, Bob. E.T.

Speaker 2 I mean, really, at this point, I'm not sure. Throw it out there.

Speaker 2 Well, you said ice cream once

Speaker 2 ET what?

Speaker 2 galaxy. E.T.
Galaxy home. Have you never seen the movie E.T.?

Speaker 2 No. E.T.

Speaker 2 Galaxy home.

Speaker 2 Galaxy home. That is what he said, right? Is he?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's exactly where he lives.
He lives in the galaxy. This one's fun.
Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in blank anymore. Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in.

Speaker 2 I've got a feeling we're not in

Speaker 2 here.

Speaker 2 That would be very good. That's very honest.
Totally. Totally.
I've got a feeling. I've got a feeling we're not in here.
We're not in here.

Speaker 2 This one's great, Bobby. Yeah.
Set it up for this one. Go ahead, make my.

Speaker 2 What a good movie. Yeah, I'm going to love it.
Go ahead, make my... Milkshake.
Yes. Yes!

Speaker 2 How did you know that? That's actually really good. That's milkshake.
How did you know that?

Speaker 2 You saw the movie?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 That's odd that she wouldn't.

Speaker 2 know the movie. How do you know that then not see the movie? I don't know.
I was just thinking of ice cream and then milkshake. What movie do you think it is? I don't know.

Speaker 2 You don't know what movie this is? This is Clap the Boat.

Speaker 2 This is Clap the Boat. Go ahead, Nick.
Go ahead. Make my

Speaker 2 milkshake.

Speaker 2 Keep your friends close, but your... Keep your enemies closer.
Yeah, well, you know, she's a crazy person. She knows that one for sure.

Speaker 2 They may take our lives, but they'll never take our...

Speaker 2 You can read this with an accent. She still won't get it.

Speaker 2 They may take our lives, but they'll never take our.

Speaker 2 They may take our lives, but they'll never take our

Speaker 2 souls? Souls.

Speaker 2 They can take our lives. They'll never take our souls.
I like this one. That's so good, though.
They'll never take our souls. Okay, let's tell her what it really was.

Speaker 2 Well, the last one was, yeah, we can go through it. They may take our lives, but they'll never take our free

Speaker 2 freedom. That was Braveheart.
Yes, that brave heart. You got, keep your

Speaker 2 go ahead, make my day. That's Dirty Harry.
Dirty Harry. Do you know who Clint Eastwood is? Yeah.
Oh, cool. It's E.T.
Phone Home. Yeah, phone.

Speaker 2 Right. Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas

Speaker 2 anymore. Do you know where Kansas is? Do you know what it is? Estate.
Yeah, that's right. You know what movie that was? No.
Wizard of Oz. You never seen that?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It's so wild.
I'm the king of the world. Yeah, you just did Titanic.
You know, you love that movie. I forgot.
Wax on, Wax Off is from Karate Kid. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Those two phrases are from me and Bob.

Speaker 2 Say hello to my little friend is Scarface. Do you know what that is? Horror movie? Yeah, kind of.
Yeah, it's kind of a cautionary tale. A cautionary horror tale.
Bond, James, what'd you say? Bond.

Speaker 2 James Bond. She got it right.
No, she got it right. Houston, we have a what? Baby.
Yeah. No, she said Houston, we have a

Speaker 2 baby. Oh, yeah.
Houston, we have a baby. And it's Houston, we have a problem.
Problem.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yep.

Speaker 2 What movie? That's That's

Speaker 2 Apollo 13, yeah.

Speaker 2 May the Force be with you. Right.

Speaker 2 Star Wars. What did she say? May the.

Speaker 2 What did you say? What was it? May the odds. Yeah, may the odds be with you.
Right.

Speaker 2 I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse. An offer.
That's from The Godfather. Have you seen that? No way.
No, yeah.

Speaker 2 Frankly, my dear, I don't give a fuck. I give a damn what you got correct.
Do you know what movie that is? No.

Speaker 2 Really? How do you know that it's damn? No, it's them.

Speaker 2 I just thought of it. Oh.

Speaker 2 Do you know who says it? No.

Speaker 2 Wow. Do you know, Bob? Is it, um...

Speaker 2 Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 What movie is it? I don't know what movie that is. Gone with the Wind.
Clark Gable. Clark Gable.
I never saw that. You never saw Gone with the Wind? No.

Speaker 2 Well, okay. Okay.
But like,

Speaker 2 you love old cinema. That one I didn't watch.

Speaker 2 I don't like it. No, I just love that you go, that one I didn't watch.
I'll tell you why. I don't like historical pieces with just a bunch of white people in it.
You don't like slavery. Like

Speaker 2 a movie like Emma comes along or something like that when it has to do with aristocrats or white.

Speaker 2 Slavery and shit. Yeah, I just don't like it.
What about Tarantino? He does shit like that all the time. That's slave movies.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Magic Mirror on the Wall. Who is that? And you got that right.
You got that right. Wait, did you? She did.
What did you say? Fairest? Fairest. Who is the Fairest Bueller of them all? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good, though. That's really good for American movie slangs.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I have to say, you have to watch E.T.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's make you a list of stuff you really need to watch. Yeah, you've got to watch E.T.
E.T. for sure.
On this list, let's go down the list of things you have to watch.

Speaker 2 Gone with the wind.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 The Godfather. You would love The Godfather?

Speaker 2 You would love Star Wars?

Speaker 2 You've never seen any Star Wars. I think I've seen the first one.
Okay. Oh, my God.
You would know if you had or not. I don't think she'll like James Bond.

Speaker 2 I think Scarface would be

Speaker 2 too much for you. No, no, no, no.
No. No, no, no, for us.

Speaker 2 Titanic, you've seen. I think Karate Kid you'd love.
Yeah. Karate Kid's such a good movie.
E.T., you've never seen. Why wouldn't you watch that movie?

Speaker 2 That's cute. That's a cute movie.
With kids and an alien.

Speaker 2 His name is E.T. Extraterrestrial.
Oh, but he looks kind of scary. He does.

Speaker 2 Let's bring bring him a picture of this long-necked weirdo. Let's bring him a picture of E.T.
right now. Because honestly, I couldn't agree with her more.

Speaker 2 I remember as a kid being like, I would never put this thing in my house. Let me tell you something.
If this thing,

Speaker 2 that in my house? Yeah. Why am I hiding that in my house? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And what was he made out of? Of ball skin?

Speaker 2 Sack? Like ball sack skin? He was such an ugly weird.

Speaker 2 No purpose was this cute. They tried to say it was like cute.
It was not a cute creature. Go to a full body shot of it, please.
There's a full body shot there. Not cute.

Speaker 2 Look at that, that's a testicle. Yeah.
That's a big sack.

Speaker 2 Would you hide that in your house? If he came to your house, Rudy, if this crashed in your front yard and you and your friends were when you were like, how old were they, 10 or 11 or 12 in that?

Speaker 2 Would you saw that, would you ever harbor this in your home? You'd probably kill it. Can I say something about that? You'd probably get one of those knives out and kill it.

Speaker 2 But the tone of the movie, I remember watching the movie as a kid. Yeah.
And walking out of the theater going, oh, that was the greatest thing I've ever seen. It was unequivocal.
As a kid.

Speaker 2 One of the best movies I've ever seen in a while. Oh, my God.
It was so magical. I remember walking out with my brother of the theater and just going, wow, that was magical.

Speaker 2 I remember feeling that about a handful of movies where you're like, oh, so cool, it blew your mind. Ghostbusters, I thought, was one of the coolest.
Yeah, that was another really cool.

Speaker 2 They were like, this is amazing.

Speaker 2 The technology back then was absurd. It's like,

Speaker 2 and this, this today, when you look at the CGI and this and all that stuff, it looks awful. Really? It's so bad.
It's terrible. We should try to watch E.T., I think, at home.
She might like it.

Speaker 2 Star Wars, you have have to watch. Well, yeah, you really should.
For cultural reasons, let me ask you something. In Star Wars,

Speaker 2 just they need three characters in Star Wars. You got this.
You got this.

Speaker 2 Darth.

Speaker 2 Darth or Dark?

Speaker 2 You tell us. We've never seen it.
Darth Vader? Very good. Very good.
Darth Vader. Second one.

Speaker 2 Luke. Yeah.
Luke.

Speaker 2 What's his last name?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Okay.
Right. Yeah, but that's, you know.
It's forgettable. I just know it's Luke.
I am your father. That's his name.
How do you know that? Luke, I am your father.

Speaker 2 That's the movie you saw. I don't know.
No, she's heard that in the social zeitgeist. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Somebody's saying that Luke, I am your father. Yeah.
So Luke, what?

Speaker 2 Let's guess his last name, just for fun. Luke.
Think about space stuff. Spacey things.
Luke.

Speaker 2 Luke Abb. Luke Abreb.
No. Wait, Luke Abb.
Aubregan. Yeah, Luke Aubregon.
Luke Abregon. Sounds great.
Very good. Third one? One more character.
Luke Abregon. He was good.
Luke Abregon was good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 She does come up with great names. Amazing names.
Yeah. Amazing.
Archinall?

Speaker 2 Jose Arsenal? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to see that movie. She should have a book of baby names.
Go ahead. Name one more character.
Come on. Slinky.

Speaker 2 Slinky.

Speaker 2 Yes, no. No, no, no.
Slinky was in there. Slinky was in.

Speaker 2 Slinky. Slinky was in there.

Speaker 2 Everyone loves a

Speaker 2 slinky.

Speaker 2 Slinky. Yeah, no, Slinky was in there.
Yeah. Let me ask you something.
Have you ever heard of like C3PO?

Speaker 2 No. R2-D2.

Speaker 2 No one. You never heard of that? Have you ever heard of Boba Fett? No one.
Okay, Luke's last name is Skywalker.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. You've heard of that? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Princess Leia, Han Solo. Any of these kind of? Ring a bell? Yeah.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 That was a great podcast. I had a good time.
Well, let's have Rudy take us out with

Speaker 2 one of your favorite incorrect slang slangs from there. Which one did you say? The w what one was the furthest off?

Speaker 2 I'm going to make him a spider. He can't refuse.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that it? Go ahead and say that into the camera and take us home.
I'm going to make him a spider. He can't refuse.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 That's right, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 Now you have a little Bobby too.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.