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Oyfy.

Ayyof.

Oyf.

Siobhan.

Siobhan.

Siobhan.

Siobhan.

No, Siobhan.

Siobhan.

It's a V. Siobhan.

Let me get a third shot at the third one.

It looks like Siobhan, but it's Siobhan.

Graney.

Graney.

Graney.

Graney.

Thank you. It sounds with a V Let me get the third shot It looks like C.O.
Bon but it's Siobhan Grainy

Grainy

Grainy

Grainy

Miaduf

Miaduf

Miaduf

Miaduf

D'erbla

D'erbla

D'erbla

D'erbla

Khaume

Khaume

Khaume

Khaume

Oysen

Oysen

Oysen sauce Thank you. Diabla Diabla Diabla Kaume Kaume Kaume Kaume Oisen Oisen Oisen sauce Stake Tagle Root egg That's Rudy Root egg You two are bad friends Who are these two idiots? A white dude I'm an Asian dude You two You two are disgusting.
Well, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Me lucky charm. Me lucky charm.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's the lovely day. We drink a lot of beer and we kiss each other.
Hey, don't tell your father or your mother that you're gay. It's St.
Patrick's Day. Somewhere over the rainbow.
Is that it? Yeah. Somewhere over the rainbow is an Irish.
It is? I brought my Irish stein here. So I can have beer.
What about this one? What about it? Jump, jump, jump. That song? Isn't that Irish House of Pain House of Pain jump jump hello hello jump jump hello hello is that Irish I don't know that doesn't sound Irish when I look at them in that video I think that they're Irish well House of Pain is Irish yeah because they're green they're not green people, they wear green a lot They're green? Yeah They're Irish They're always in green outfits and whatnot I'm going to drink Guinness for the motherland Oh, here we go This is for the motherland Yeah, but I'm in recovery, baby I want to drink it so bad Bob I've had drinks in front of you before Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum Is this bad? You can, no No You don't get any of this I've had drinks in front of you before.
Is this bad? No. You don't get any of this.
I've had drinks in front of you multiple times. I know.
I like it. You have green stuff, too.
This is a green Pearl Edition sugar-free Red Bull. Whoa.
St. Patrick's Day.
Oh, thank you. I have to rip this because I want to be able to have a soda pop.
There you go.

Pretty good.

Welcome to the show. Hi, Rude.

Put on your beard, please.

Look at the size of this thing.

This is definitely a tank, dude.

I like the way your cheeks get rosy.

You're like really rosy cheeks.

That's because I was out in the sun.

No, I don't think so.

I think at St. Patrick's Day.
Your cheeks are all rosy.

Well, whenever it's St. Patrick's Day,

I eat my cheeks getting a little rosy.

What can I say?

That's my wife's name too.

When you get older,

I think you're going to have plump red cheeks.

Yeah, I'm going to be fat.

Like plump though.

But I'm going to be fat.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm looking for it.

I'm excited to get fat.

Yeah.

I love that you have green on for St. Patrick's Day.

Today I did ADR

and they did a close-up of my face.

Yeah. And my face went from each end of the.
Paddy's Day. Today I did ADR, and they did a close-up of my face.
Yeah.

And my face went from each end of the screen.

That's how fucking fat I am.

No, I'm not kidding you.

You're wide.

And they had two little heads here, which was Magnum and Perdita, right?

And then my big fucking blob yellow fucking gross face.

Big flat head.

And you can see my fucking liver spots.

You don't have any liver spots, baby.

I do.

On the side, babe.

Is that what those are?

What do you think it was?

Lesions?

Yeah, lesions.

You have lesions?

I thought it was lesions.

What, you got self-conscious about your ADR

because you look a little less than that?

So, um, we were gonna...

Did you see Chris D recently?

Yeah.

You did.

Today?

Yeah, no, a couple days ago.

He's in town.

Chris D is in town.

I know that he is.

Yeah.

And so that we were gonna prank him by what?

Well, we're going to send pubes to them, but he's in LA for the next three months. He would send pubes to them.
We shaved our pubes. But they pranked us twice.
How? What do you mean? No, they didn't. They sent us poo.
They sent us poo. That's it.
They gave you COVID. That's the best prank in the world.
And he didn't even get it. I know.
He didn't even get it. That's the prank, though.
I know. Are these chocolate? We got to get them back.
Well, what do we have to do? Send you shit and give you COVID? Imagine that. Poop in the mail and COVID in my lungs.
Yeah. That's fucking insane.
That's insane. I know we should kill those guys.
Yeah. The disrespect is insane.
Open your mouth, I got a chocolate for you. No, I don't want...
That's... I don't...
Right now. I'm only 50%.
Come on. All right.
Okay, I didn't... Close.
Rudy, you don't... Oh, there you go.
How does that feel comfortable? It's fine. It's not itchy.
It's not itchy? Wait a minute. Was there any...
Did we talk about this? Were there ever any redheads in the Philippines? No. Never, right? You've never seen one.
But if you did see one, what would you guys do? You dig a hole. You dig a hole.
I think Tito Andrew was the first one I've seen. I'm the first redhead you've ever seen in your life? Yeah.
How scary was that? I thought it was weird. Yeah, exactly.
Think? Right? Okay. Because you're used to it.
You know what I mean? You see, like, the movies, right? Yeah, you see redheads on film. Also, look, look, look.
One of your favorite characters, he's a redhead. Oh, yeah.
No, he's a redhead. No, but in real life, like, you know, when I was a kid, I would watch scary things like, you know, Lucille Ball.
Scary things? I love Lucy wasn't scary. It was a comedy show.
I know, but her hair was so red. It was so scary, right? And then you would see, like, it, the first one.
Yeah. You're like, oh, shit.
He's one of our heroes. And then when you see one for the first time, a redhead, right? There is a shock to it.
Yeah, a little bit. Yeah.
A little bit of a shock. Like, ooh, that's real.
We're a dying breed. There's only – look up how many redheads are on Earth.
I bet you there's – let's guess. How many redheads do you think are on Earth for real? Genuinely.
845 million. What? What an insanely bad guess.
What? 845 million redheads? How could that be? You know how many people are in the United States? In the world, you said, right? Yeah, but how many people are in the United States? 350 million. Yeah, exactly.
So you think double the population of the United States is redheads? You're right. Can I take that back? Yeah, because that's the dumbest math I've ever heard.
It's dumb. It's insult.
I just threw it out there. All right, well, give me another one.
All right. Well, I drink my goodness.
I would say there is 183 million redheads on planet Earth. Okay, Rudy, what do you think? How many redheads are on planet Earth right now? Maybe like 6%.
What? What is happening in here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 6% of the Earth is redhead? Is that what you think? Yeah, maybe.
Okay, 6% of the total population. I would say the number would be around like 2.5 million redheads.
2 million redheads on earth. 2 million? That's it.
Yeah. Can I adjust? 140 million.
Plus than 2%. Wow.
So who was the closest? I was. I said 183 million.
You first guessed 800 million. You first guessed 800 million people.
My second guess though, which is the real guess, is I was the closest. 140 million people.
That's approximately. Scotland boasts the highest percentage of natural redheads with 13% of that country being redheads.
Yeah, there we go. Wow.
And they're treated the worst. Are they really? We're treated worse than any other kind of person on earth.
That's, oh my God, really? Who's lower than us? The Jews. What? In the history of time? Redheads! In the history of time.
We were persecuted as well. You guys were put in concentration camps and put into fucking mass killings.

Yep.

Yep, they did it. Never heard of it.

Yes, they did. Look up the redhead genocide.

Look at the ginger genocide. You've never heard of ginger genocide? Is there a ginger genocide?

Yes, look up the ginger genocide.

The ginger genocide. Oh, you know what?

1648. Northern Ireland was

oppressed, right, by England. Of course.

Yeah, so that's something's still a battle going on.

Ginger genocide right there.

Click on it.

What happened?

There was a ginger genocide.

A crime that will be committed in late 2009, early 2010 to exterminate all ginger bitches and their children.

In 2009?

It didn't happen.

It never happened.

They didn't get us.

Yeah.

They planned the attack and we didn't. They didn't.
It wasn't. It didn't happen.
Yeah. You know why? We're too swift, baby.
Yeah, but when I look at Redheaded people, I don't think. I just feel disgusted.
There's no feeling of like I want to hurt them or I want to oppress them. You feel bad for them? I don't feel bad for them.
I just feel... I'm a little leprechaun.
Who is that girl? Jennifer Aniston. Is it? Yeah.
She was in the first one. In the original? Yeah.
God, she looks the exact same now. 30 years later or whatever that is.
Yeah, I love actors that have done bad movies before they became... What do you mean? Leprechaun was a great movie.

Okay.

Great movie.

But it was cool to see Johnny Depp in the first Nightmare on Elm Street.

Another great movie.

I don't know.

You're referencing two great movies.

Wait, wait, wait.

Nightmare on Elm Street is such a good movie.

Stop, stop, stop.

You're saying that Leprechaun –

Correct.

And Nightmare on Elm Street is a cult classic. Sure.
So is Leprechaun. No, Leprechaun.
Correct. And Nightmare on Elm Street is a cult classic.

Sure, so is Leprechaun.

No, Leprechaun's not.

Yes, it is.

The only reason we know about it is because it's a cult classic.

Is it good?

Should I go watch it tonight?

I would absolutely watch it again tonight.

What's it about?

It's about a Leprechaun.

No, but what happens?

It's right in the title.

What happens, though?

Maybe that's regular size.

This is a scene from Leprechaun. Are you kidding? This is incredible How did you print this up so quickly? Oh shit Wow he's on top of it So this is a part of the movie So obviously So who's Tori Is Tori Jennifer Aniston? Yes Can I play You have to play the Leprechaun obviously Of course Yeah I'll play Tori Okay and then Rudy You have to read the stage directions.
Okay. Okay.
This is the table read. Let's imagine this is the table read for Leprechaun.
What year was Leprechaun? 19. In the 90s.
92? Yeah. 93? 93.
So here we go. All right.
Stage. Okay.
So this is the table read for Leprechaun. Thanks all for coming.
And Rudy Jules, take it away. Well, let the writer have a little announcement.
They sometimes do that. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
So I'll just play the writer as well. Hi, I'm Cliff Fitzsimmons.
Cliff Fitzsimmons. Cliff Mick Fitzsimmons.
Yeah. I'm Cliff Mick Fitzsimmons.
That's my name. And thank you.
Welcome to my movie that I wrote called Leprechaun. What a film.
And inspiration was I lived in Ireland for many, many years. Well, you grew up there, right, Cliff? Yes, I did.
And when did you move to the United States, Cliff? In the 83, 1983. In 1983? Yeah.
What brought you to the States? The desire to make – I'm a filmmaker. I'm a writer.
And you didn't want to do anything over there. There was nothing going on.
There was nothing going on. It's fucked up over there.
A lot of redheads. So here we...
And I... This...
This... This movie is just dear to my heart because it reminds me of my childhood.
Yeah. Back on the rolling hills of Dublin.
Oh, wow.

Okay, wonderful.

Sir?

Sir, please take it away.

Well, I'm the writer. That's the director.

Oh my god, you're the director of the film?

What is your name again? Just announce yourself.

I'm Jose.

Jose. Jose what?

A hairy face Hispanic guy.

Jose what?

Jose Archnald. Archnald.
Jose Archnald. Ladies and gentlemen, Jose Archnald.
All right, Jose, well, why don't you take us through the film? Here we go. Tori holds a bag of gold.
The leprechaun magically appears.

Is that me gold?

What the hell are you?

I'm a leprechaun, me dear.

Here, this is what you're looking for, right?

Tori holds out the bag of gold.

The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hand.

My powers are returning.

Cut, cut, cut.

What's going on? I wrote it as me. I'm sorry? It's me powers are returning.
Cut. What's going on? I wrote it as me.
I'm sorry? It's me powers are returning, not mine. Okay, stage direction.
Go ahead. Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry about that.
Please read it again. Sorry.
Tori holds out the bag of gold. The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hands.
What the fuck? What? In table reads, they don't have fucking a gopher. What the fuck are you doing? It's a table read.
We're not rehearsing the fucking movie. Interrupting a table read is just insane.
All right, let's start from the top. Let's go.
Let's go again. Let's start from the top.
Jose. Since I wrote it.
Yeah. It's Cliff here.
Hey, Cliff. Hey Hey Cliff Can you play it more real?

A little bit more real

No problem

Jose, say your last name again

Archnald

Archnald

Go ahead Jose when you're ready

And I am Cliff McFittsimmons

Yeah I know Mr. McFittsimmons

I am aware of who you are

Tori holds out the bag of gold

The leprechaun magically appears

Thank you. I am Cliff McFitt Simmons.
Yeah, I know Mr. McFitt Simmons.
I am aware of who you are. Tori holds out a bag of gold.

The leprechaun magically appears.

Real?

No, this is way too old.

It's way...

What says magically appears?

Just play the leprechaun real, as real as you can.

Okay.

Tori holds out a bag of gold.

The leprechaun magically appears.

Very good.

Very good. Very good.

Very good.

Is that me, gold?

What the hell

are you? I'm a leprechaun,

me dear.

Here, this is what you're looking for, right?

Tori holds out the bag of gold.

The leprechaun uses magic to bring it

to his hands. Me powers are returning.
The leprechaun shakes the bag. It sounds like me gold.
The leprechaun opens the bag. It looks like me gold.
The leprechaun smells the bag. It smells like me gold.
A little less, please. The leprechaun tastes the gold.
It tastes like me gold. You're fired.
Why? I'm the leprechaun. How much do you want me to play leprechaun? We have Matthew McConaughey.
Yeah, yeah.

Is that me gold? There we go.

Let's do it with Matthew. Go ahead.

Don't even do the age changer. First line.

Go ahead, Matthew.

Is that me gold, man?

Is that me gold, man?

Yeah, what the hell are you?

I'd be a leprechaun, my dear.

Here. This is what you're

looking for, right?

Me powers are returning. I'd be a leprechaun, my dear.
Here, this is what you're looking for, right? Ooh.

Me powers are returning.

Before the next line, can you say, all right, all right?

Yeah.

All right, all right, all right.

Looks like me gold.

That's right.

In fact, say, all right, all right.

All right, all right, it looks like me gold.

Yeah, leprechaun smells the bag.

All right, all right, it smells like me gold. Oh, you're hired, Matthew.
Thank you. Amazing.
Why don't you play the leprechaun, then, if you don't like the way that I'm playing the leprechaun. Why don't you play it, and I'll play Tori? Because I wrote the fucking...
I'm not an actor. I'm fucking Cliff McClick.
Neither am I. Obviously, you just fired me off the movie.
Oh, sorry. All right, so you play the leprechaun.
No, you know what? You play the leprechaun. I'm Tori.
I can't do the... Yes, you can.
I can't do the accent. Yes, you can.
I'm trying. Go ahead and read it again, George.
Jorge, what is it? Jose Archnald. Archnald.
And don't... And where the fuck do you get Archnald from? Where would that even...
Where does your brain... Archnald? Hi, Cliff McFitt Simmons here.
I know, Mr. McFitt Simmons.
We're going to get to you in a second. No, but it's my culture to always...
You know what I mean? Say my name first, all right? Okay. So hi, I Hi Cliff McFitt Simmons I know Mr.
McFitt Simmons we're gonna get to you in a second No but it's my culture to always you know me say my name first alright so hi I'm Cliff McFitt Simmons hi so I just wanna let you know that you're degrading our ethnic immigrant he's an immigrant director I'm glad for the diversity I just don't understand that went to Sundance and what's the movie you did for do? The short film about the Mexican immigrants crossing the border.

What was that beautiful movie?

Clap the Boat.

Clap the Boat.

You never saw Clap the Boat?

Are you telling me you directed Clap the Boat?

That was your film.

Clap the Boat was you.

Clap the Boat.

That's one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life.

I know.

Do you know what the movie's about?

Tell them what the movie's about.

I know Clap the Boat.

I love Clap the Boat. The movie's about these Mexican immigrants, they're trying to cross the border, correct? Yeah.
Right? And they don't know how. Right, they're trying to figure out how to make it happen.
Because they're trying to dig a hole underneath the wall, in the wall, right? Trump's wall. They're trying to dig underneath Trump's wall.
They're trying to go over it, right? Yep. And then, right? Your main lead, what's his name? Who's the lead actor in that movie? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was... What was the lead actor? Alexandra.
Alexandra. Alexandra.
Ocaccio. Ocaccio.
Alexandra Ocaccio, right? I like Alex. She builds a boat.
She's so good. She's so good.
So good. So good in the movie.
Alexandra Ocaccio. She builds a boat, right? And then what do they do when she builds a boat?

Clap the boat.

There wasn't a dry eye in the theater.

It was unbelievable.

I'll tell you that.

There wasn't a dry eye.

Honestly, I'm not joshing around anymore.

Yeah.

Clap the boat was one of the best movies I've ever seen in my entire life.

Well, then don't talk to him that way.

I'm not being rude to him.

All right.

Okay?

To him.

Go ahead.

All right, sir.

Can you please read the direction so we can get through the scene of Leprechaun where Boob is playing Lep and I'm playing Tori.

Okay.

Tori holds a bag of gold.

The Leprechaun magically appears.

I'm glad my gold.

Fuck.

What the hell are you?

I'm a Leprechaun, my dear.

Here.

That's terrible. This is what you're looking for, right? Tori.
Here. That's terrible.

This is what you're looking for, right?

Tori.

Oh, go ahead.

Tori holds out the bag of gold.

The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hands.

Me powers are returning.

You crippled?

What is that?

That's what you were doing.

The leprechaun shakes the bag. It sounds like were doing.
The leprechaun shakes the bag.

It sounds like me gold.

The leprechaun opens the bag.

It looks like me gold.

The leprechaun smells the bag. It smells like me gold.

The leprechaun tastes gold.

It tastes like me gold.

The leprechaun kisses Tori.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

You know, Arch, is that your name?

No, Jose?

That's Jose.

Jose, I think you should put... I think Jose should do the Labrecon.
No. Yeah.
I think, yeah. Try to do an Irish accent.
I just fucking did it. We taught you how to do Irish stuff.
Cliff McFitt Simmons here. Mr.
McFitt Simmons, if I may speak for Mr. McFitt Simmons, he did give it his best effort.
And, sir, you're directing this movie. We'd love to see how you would take it.
I don't know how to do the action. You've got to step into the shoes of the actors.
Try to do it, and you know what I mean? Yeah, you should. I'll do the stage directions, if you don't mind.
You play Tori. I'll be Tori.
Yeah, okay. Tori holds a bag of gold.
The leprechaun magically appears. Is that me gold? Pretty good.
What the hell are you? I'm a leprechaun, my dear. Here, is this what you're looking for? Tori holds out the bag of gold.
The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hands.

Me powers are returning.

The leprechaun shakes the bag.

It's so hard.

Keep going.

It sounds like my gold.

The leprechaun opens the bag.

It looks like my gold. The leprechaun smells the bag.
It smells like my gold. The leprechaun opens the bag.
It looks like my gold. The leprechaun smells the bag.
It smells like my gold. Very good.
Give her a round of applause. Very good.
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Rules and restrictions may apply. Bob, do you know, can I tell you something? Go ahead.
You know, you're famous on other podcasts. So much bigger than you even know.
What do you mean? You were mentioned. I sent this this to the guys you got mentioned on one of the most famous race car drivers he was on a podcast and they talked about you of all time dale earnhardt okay can i just say this though dale i love dale by the way oh you should because he loves you but can i i don't know if this is his show if you're gonna i have i've i've been depressed on this.
I've been depressed all day, so if this is slamming me, I'll take it. It's not slamming you.
But it's going to add on to my depression. It's not slamming you.
Drace, is this slamming him? No. Go ahead.
Bryson. Look at this.
They talk about you. I'm like, Blaney just walked into this room with Magnum P.I. There was somebody else that was famous in that scene.
There was that Ken Jeong, the guy from The Hangover. That's right.

That's right.

And there was a...

Who else was there?

Hey, man, it was a great scene of Magnum P.I., dude.

Hey, let me tell you something.

Can I say something right now?

You know that Ken did the show, right? I know, but they think it's you. No.
They think it's you. They did the show way before I did.
No, they think it's you, Papa. I swear to God, no, that's not why he knows it's Ken.
No way, they think it's you. The reason...
When did Ken do Magnum P.I.? I swear to God he did it. When? I swear to God he did it.
Google it. Did Ken do Magnum? I swear to God he did it.
You son of a bitch. The reason why I did it, and I can talk to, listen, all right? Let's call Gene Hong.
Okay, call him. Gene Hong is the producer of Magnum PI, one of them.
Okay. And I'll call him right now.
Okay? Okay, call him. Okay, call him.
And you're going to look like a fucking fool right now. I didn't put that clip.
He's really mentioning Ken Jeong in it and it's like, why would that be a slam on me? Hey, buddy. Hey, Gene, this is, I'm on my podcast Bad Friends real quick and I just have to ask you a question.
Okay. Did Ken Jung did Magnum P.I.
before I was on it, right? Yeah. There we go.
That's all I wanted to hear. Thank you so much.
But whose performance was better, Ken or Bobby's? No, don't answer that, Gene. Whose performance was better, Ken or Bobby's? I love you, Gene.
Gene, Gene, answer. I'll talk to you later, Gene.
Gene, answer. I love you.
Thank you. Gene, Gene.
I'll talk to you later. So how funny is that bit now? Let's play it again.
You tried to slam me. That wasn't me.
I have nothing to do with the clip. It's like if Bill Burr did Magnum P.I., right? And you did it before him.
And some guy's got S.I. Andrew Santino on the show.
First of all. How the fuck would that? First of all.
Yeah. Neither Bill nor myself would do Magnum P.I.
What's so funny? Did that tickle your fancy bones? First of all, I'd be lucky to be on Magnum P.I. It's a great piece of television.
I think you do a great job every time you're on the show. Every time you're on the show, you kill it.
I love the way that backfired. Yeah.
It feels so good. A a way to ruin a bit for the show what the fuck did you want me to do go along with it no I will not no it's a good fight back it was a good fight back I like winning I'd rather win than get laughs I'd rather win right an argument that's been your whole career and I love how that backfired on you and let's justired on you.
And let's just sit on that for a second. Let's sit on the fact.

Let's sit on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have nothing to do with the clip.

You did a bit, right?

That's not me.

I've nothing to do with it.

I've nothing to do with it.

And it backfired in your stupid red-headed face.

I'm taking my vest off now.

I'm taking my vest off.

Take off your vest.

Yeah.

Oh, I love it.

I love it.

Jules got into UC Riverside.

Let's give it up for Jules.

Clap the boat. Clap the boat.
And what other schools are you applying to? There's still a lot. I'm still waiting for...
Where's the one you want to go to, Jules? What's the one that you're like, I really want to get into? I'm waiting for Long Beach. But I've heard that there's a lot of students who have...
Long Beach State. Yeah, rejected.
Home of the dirtbags. That's what dirtbags do you know that? yeah the pyramid you're gonna get in you're so smart you're gonna get in you're gonna get in this is weird it's not even my kid but I feel like she's a part of my family and so now I get a little anxious about her getting into school really? it just feels I want her to win can we write a letter to any school oh.
Can we do that? What if we do a video submission to your school? Yeah, can we do that? I don't know. What up, Long Beach State? I mean, can we help in any way? I don't know.
No, they don't give a shit about us. I like to promote a new podcast.
It's called Bloodbath. That's one of the reasons why that's like my favorite role play is always 1800s.
Because before that they didn't use their hands. Everything was like bobbing for apples.
You do century based. Wait, wait, wait.
You do century based role playing? Yeah, you have to really go back in time. You look at the whole stretch of history and then you choose a point point in time, and then you use that as a jump-off point for whatever.

Historical rule play. So you have to do research beforehand?

It's one of my favorite new podcasts.

It's called Bloodbath.

Kalilah, Annie Letterman, and Esther Pavitsky do a great show called Bloodbath.

I openly said how much I liked it on my show, too.

I like it a lot, and I like their chemistry.

Yeah, it's awesome.

So please tune in.

Tune in and watch it.

Yeah.

It's actually very good.

I'll see you next time. Bloodbath.
I openly said how much I liked it on my show, too. I like it a lot, and I like their chemistry.
Yeah, it's awesome. So please tune in.

Tune in and watch it.

It's actually very good.

I said to Kalilah, I thought it was very good.

And there's one thing I don't like about it. What do you think of that is?

George. Yeah.
Yeah. The fact that

he has anything to do with it is annoying to me.

What's annoying about George is that he's not...

Well, let's go down the list. Well, I'll tell you.

Let's start. I have a big list.

So you do one, I'll do one.

You do one, I'll do one.

Go.

Let's go as fast as we can.

Go.

Well, no, because I have to—

His face.

Go ahead.

That's a good one.

His laugh.

Go ahead.

Deceiver.

Opportunist.

Manipulator.

Opportunistic.

Not as tall as he says he is.

Yeah.

Weasel. Only by a third of tall as he says he is.
Yeah. Weasel.

Two left feet.

Yeah.

Two left nuts.

Blind in his left eye.

Yeah.

Aneurysms.

Fake wife.

Yeah.

Paid for wife.

Bad breath.

Go.

Hey, did you see the Heaven's Gate documentary? Have we talked about that yet? No. You know what Heaven's Gate is? No.
You don't know what Heaven's Gate is? I know what the gate would be when I get to heaven. I know what that is.
I know, but it was the group of people. It was a cult.
Okay. It was a cult of people, right? And in the 90s, they were found somewhere in San Diego, right? Yeah.
They had all committed suicide. Is this the Kool-Aid? No.
So they thought that there was a comet coming. I think it was Haley's Comet.
Yeah, Haley's Comet. Right.
And so they thought that they were all going to kill themselves, right? And then they were going to enter a spaceship that was at the end of Haley's Comet, right? Oh, wow. Right.
And then they were going to enter a spaceship that was at the end of Haley's Comet.

Right?

Oh, wow.

Right?

And then they were going to go to heaven that way.

Right?

But it's been a cult that's been around since the 70s.

How did they suicide each other?

They drank some sort of potion.

Kool-Aid.

That was the whole thing.

Yeah, it was Kool-Aid.

But then they all had Nikes on.

Why?

They loved Nikes.

And they also had a roll of coins, like quarters. Cortez? They wore Cortez? Yeah, they had quarters.
Did they not have quarters? Yeah, but I forget what the quarters were for. I think it's in heaven.
And then they all have... Wait, there's vending machines in heaven? Yeah, like to get into heaven.
And then also... You need a roll of quarters to get into heaven? What an insane idea.
I know, but they'd add it, right? And then they also castrated themselves. It's good to see you, my son.
Castrated themselves. Do you have the roll of quarters? They all castrated themselves? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they all cut off their genitalia. The men cut off their genitalia.
They're nuts, I think. Not castrated.
What do they call that? That's castrated. They're nutsack? That's castrated.
Yeah, yeah. When you cut off your source of reproductive...

Yeah.

And...

But one of them...

Why would you...

Imagine someone saying,

to get into heaven,

you have to cut off your nuts.

I know.

What would you say?

I'm going to hell.

Three guys.

I'm not cutting off my fucking nuts.

No, no, no, no.

Three guys

who had been a part of the cult

for many, many years...

Yeah.

...went...

That's the line.

Yeah.

I'm in, but I'm out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm going to keep my balls.

Yeah, let me have my balls, right?

But one of the guys—

Like, imagine if they said they were going to lop off one of your boobs.

If they say you can get ultimate freedom in heaven, but they're going to lop off a boob, what would you say?

I'll ignore them.

Yeah.

But would you still stay in the cult?

I wouldn't be in a cult. You're in one now.
You're in one now. This is a cult.
Bad Francis is without a doubt. And you're one of the leaders.
No. By the way, when she squints her eyebrows and says no, it's so funny with us.
That's what I look like every day of my life. Oh, right there? The big bushy eyebrows.
our private island perfect day at Coco Cay and end the day knowing things are just getting started because this isn't just any vacation this is all the vacations come seek the Royal Caribbean Chips Registry Bahamas why it's just why do these cults have to have so many weird rules to get into we I saw the thing there was a thing online maybe vice did a whole thing about the woman um mother god do you know the Mother God? Do you know this woman? Look up Mother God, this woman here who's like an alcoholic. I think it's here in L.A.
Like Mother God, do Mother God cult. Yeah, that's it, cult leader.
This woman, absolute bonkers out of her mind. And she says she's the reincarnation of God a million times over.
She's like an alcoholic. And these people bought into this shit.
And you listen to some of these interviews. You can't believe intellectual people would do it because they're educated.
Like they're adults. I know, man.
And they got sucked in. And I don't know.
There's no way to know how. I don't know how they get.
How do you think? What's the thing that gets people into these things it's well usually cults get people when trauma yeah when somebody is in a crossroads in their life like for instance right like my girl i've caught my girlfriend cheating on me right and she just broke up with me right and then the next day and then you pray this is real they pray like to god please give me a sign. Right.
And then the next day, there's some guy with like alien ears shows up at your door and goes, you know, I mean, yes, yes. Will you please join my call? Yes.
And they're if they think that that's a sign from God, right, that they should do it. You can look for a sign can be anything.
I can name you 10 things that happened today that if you wanted them to be a sign, they would be a sign. That's my whole point.
I do believe coincidence happens for a reason. No, cut it out, will you? No, I do believe that.
You believe in fate or you believe in coincidence? Coincidence and fate are two different things. For a reason.
So you believe in fate? I do.

Can I tell you a story?

Yeah, I'm going to put on my seatbelt.

No, it's not a funny story.

What? What is it, though?

But can I just tell you my point? Ask Rudy.

Rudy, may I?

Yeah. Why? Why are you so disappointed

in it?

There's just no

enthusiasm at all.

Yeah.

Fuck you.

I'm Rudy.

Ask me if you can tell the story.

Can I tell the story, please?

Yeah.

So unhappy.

So unhappy.

I'm not going to tell the story now.

That sucks.

No, please tell it.

All right.

So this is why I believe – this is going to – so when I was 17 years old – people

know my story, but when I was 17 years old, I got sober.

Yeah.

And I'm going to go so when I was 17 years old – people know my story. But when I was 17 years old, I got sober.
Yeah. And I went to this place called the McDonald Center, which is a rehab.
From modern McDonald's. I think Ronald McDonald, the McDonald's – McDonald's Foundation does – Yeah, they do.
Right? Yeah. But I never saw a clown.
All right? And they didn't serve fucking McDonald's. I don't think anybody thinks that they do that.
I just wanted to throw that out there. Get sober and have a Big Mac.
If you look at my Instagram, early on in my Instagram, there's a photo of me the first day I was at the McDonald's. They're wearing my fatigues.
Not fatigues. What do they call them? Fatigues is like an army No, not fatigues What do you call them? The medical Like a gown? Like a gown Oh, wow I was wearing like a medical gown Why do they put you in that? You can't just do regular clothes, huh? No, in the beginning No, because it's a hospital It was a Scripps hospital, right? Oh, Scripps Yeah, so I'm like in a gown And I'm really sick I'm detoxing Yeah, that makes sense So there's a photo of me just, you know, I mean, I'm here.
You know what I mean? Dude, how funny. You're detoxing all like twerking out in the background on a McDonald's like, hey.
Yeah. McDonald's wants to help you get sober.
Twerking out and drooling. Yeah.
So you go to. So.
So I go there and I meet this Korean man. Because when I was in rehab, I said – I've been to AA meetings.
I lied. And I said, you never see Asians.
You never see Asians in recovery. So what – I mean I don't think that I am one.
What do you mean? You don't think – I don think I'm a drug addict Right, you don't think I was using all these, you know Right, excuses Yeah, defense mechanisms Correct And so one day this guy shows up And he's wearing He has tattoos to his wrists Uh-huh Right? And he had an accent Because he came here when he was 14 years old from Korea He goes, hi That's what I'm. That's his name, Dan.
I'm your sponsor. And he saved my life.
You don't get to pick your sponsor? This time, I didn't. He showed, I didn't, he didn't say, it was just like, I could have said no, but I just said, yeah, I think this is, that's not the coincidence part.
Was he scary, though? At first, he was, He had white hair. Yeah, but he became – it looked like Mortal Kombat.
And he really became my father. Like a father figure.
He saved my life. Like when I was 17, I had missed so much school that my senior year, I got sober and I came back and they were like, You have to take a zero period a lunch period and night classes for you to graduate there's no way you can do it so I called Dan, I'll do another year and Dan goes, no, you're doing it so I show up zero period, lunch period and I did all that and I graduated with Okay.
And then I got out of high school and, you know, I would go to meetings. He was my sponsor, this and that.
And then what ended up happening was I started doing stand-up when I was 23 years old in La Jolla. Right? At the store.
At the store. And I stopped going to meetings.
So I slowly lost all their numbers. You just stopped talking.
I stopped talking. I stopped going to meetings.
Right. And I just started just show business was it.
All I did was hang out with the shores or, you know what I mean, did open mics. You know what I mean? It was everything.
Yeah. And I did that for many, many years.
It got to the point where I didn't even see myself. I wasn't drinking or doing drugs, but I didn't even see myself as a drug addict or alcoholic anymore.
Just a performer? Yeah. It was just something I bypassed when I was a young guy.
So then when I got Matt TV, I relapsed. Okay? For the celebration.
Yeah. What? It's from the celebration.

No, from the...

I hated it.

The stress and the pressure.

Because when I showed up at MADtv,

the first thing one of the producers said is,

I just don't think that you're funny.

Right.

He called me in his office and he goes,

I don't think that you're funny.

What's his name?

I'm not going to say his name.

What's his name?

I'll talk to you later.

No, but he said he doesn't think you're funny.

Call him the fuck out.

Who is he?

Where the fuck is he now?

No, because he later became... Where the fuck is he now? the fuck is he now he's a big producer oh he is on what what do you get so angry about I'm just telling you a fucking story I don't like him talking shit I know so he goes I don't think you're funny I don't think you're right for the show and when he said that I just you know it just and I could see like his group of writers and whatever not write me shit right and? And there were many shows where I couldn't even get on, right? It was just terrible.
So I just did drugs, right? So two years on that show, I did drugs, right? And then they fired me, okay? And I ended up, right, in some detox back in San Diego, right? Back where I started, okay? I didn't have a car. And also, it was one of those hippie places where they only fed you, like, organic foods, no meat, and wheatgrass, like a wheatgrass farm, where they used to put wheatgrass colonic in your ass.
And I was detoxing up a Vicodin, so I'd wake up, like, shaking with green fucking wheatgrassgrass squirting out of my asshole in a bathroom completely naked shaking with no like medical there was no medical it was a hippie farm there was no medical facility right and i just knew that i just needed something you know i mean i needed recovery like a real recovery so one night i fucking escaped right i i had a little bit of money and it was two in the morning i had to climb a 50 foot wall like like a old school wall in a forest right what's so funny it's just what it's crazy it's facility with It was in the forest. Right.
Right? I climbed this wall, and I ran down like three miles down the hill. Right? And I see like a freeway, and then beyond the freeway, I see Vons, a grocery store.
Yes. For people that don't know.
Yeah. Right? Yeah.
So I run into this Vons, and I'm dirty. You know what I mean? I'm wearing, like, hospital garb on, right? Mm-hmm.
And I'm in the fruit section. Of course.
Where else would you be? Right, to get an apple. Right.
I pick up an apple. I get a tap on my shoulder.
It's Dan. No.
No. Fuck.

It's Dan's friend.

Sorry.

The perfect part of that story would be, it's Dan.

No.

It's Dan's friend.

Somebody that knows Dan.

Sorry, go ahead.

Let me finish.

Yes.

A green apple or a red apple, by the way? A red one. Yeah.
I like delicious. Fuji, Fuji, Fuji.
Oh, delicious. Yeah, I like red delicious.
So I turn around and he goes, Hey, it's me, Will. And I kind of vaguely remember him.
And I go, Oh, shit. You're Dan's friend.
You know, Yeah, I'm sober. That's how I knew him from sobriety.
Sure. And he goes, it's so weird that you're here because this is what he said.
He goes, I was speaking at a meeting in Arizona, right? And I was driving down the 8, right? And something told me to pull over here. Like at the grocery store? Yeah.
There's no reason why I'm here. I go, oh, that goes And I see you And I go oh And he goes You want Dan's number? So he gives me Dan's number right The next day Dan and all my old AA people Right Start picking me up from this place To take me to meetings Wow Okay So That's So that's why I believe in coincidences.
Wow. Yeah.
And it saved my life. I stayed sober for 17 years after that.
Wow. Do you want to get us? You had to throw in a joke.
You had to throw in a joke. Can I tell you, Mike? No, I know what you mean.
That's actually a beautiful story. No, I believe in certain things.
I don't understand why the universe throws stuff at us. I'll tell you one, but I'm going to keep it private for the sake of the person that the story is about.
But a girl, my high school girlfriend, I hadn't spoken to her, obviously, in God knows how long, right? I was going to do a gig and i flew this was like um marco island florida remember marco island the gig you know that gig yeah i always said no to that gig yeah i said yes a lot and i needed it and i flew into miami and then i drove i was rented a car to drive there yeah and on the way i thought oh weI lost my virginity in Marco Island, Florida to my high school girlfriend. Really? Swear to God.
Uh-huh. And so on the way there— Did it feel good? No.
No, I cried the whole time. And on the way there, for some reason in my head, I was like—I actually gave her a call.
I haven't talked to her in so long. But I was like, actually, I don't have her number on my phone.
It's been 20 some odd years. I remember her phone number.
I don't. I can't tell you how.
I can't tell you why. I don't remember anybody's phone number.
I don't know. I remembered her phone number.
Wow. It came to me.
I called her phone number. And she picked up, which was even crazier, like on the second ring.
And she said, what's up? And I said, I'm not making a joke. Can I just add something real quick? Go ahead.
If you're making this up, I'm going to be very furious. I swear to God in my life, I'm not.
Okay, I'm just saying at the end, if you go gotcha, right? No. It's going to make me very furious.
I promise I'm not. All right, go ahead.
I swear to God, I'm not. If you swear to God, then go ahead.
It's actually not a happy ending but all right so you so so i called her it's not a happy ending so i called and she picked him and she was like oh my god how are you it's so good to hear from you it's been so many i said yes i just wanted to say hi it's just crazy doing this gig and marco we you know it was so weird i was thinking oh god about high school all this up and she said oh i thought she's like i thought you called me because you knew i was like what do you mean she's like do you talk to anybody from home like when and i not and i don't really from high school not really and she said oh um i have cancer i swear to god i'm not making a joke bobby and i don't know why i'm smiling because you think i'm coming with with a curveball. Yeah.
And I said, really? And she said, yeah, you know, and it's I can live with it and all this stuff. Bob.
I'm not. And she said, I can live with it.
It's not going to be life ending. But I thought that's why you called.
And something in the universe had told me to call. So my point is I somewhat believe in it, too, because I was like, why would I call was like give her a call.
And then did you help her out in any kind of way? Did it make her feel good? There's nothing I could do but we talked for a while and it was kind of nice that we had this reconnection. Yeah.
But I thought it was so strange because why I would have never called her otherwise. It was just like it was – I would never – Then what?

When I said – when we said earlier, do you believe in coincidences?

How come you went the other way?

Yes, it's for the show.

Oh, for comedy.

Oh, for comedy.

Yeah, for the show.

But how crazy though, right?

Yeah, that's crazy.

No.

Okay.

So I don't – I believe in – I believe in sometimes the universe will send you these weird small things and you either do them or you totally ignore them but they may not always be come to fruition have you ever had that route have you ever had something give you like a signal to do something and then you adhere to it or you're just so anti everything you're such an angsty little teen she's getting worse as time goes on no but Atikalaila and Tito Bobby were talking about my real dad and then after two weeks

he called after many

years and then, yeah.

That's the only thing that was a coincidence.

They were talking about him and he called?

That's kind of creepy.

Because you hadn't talked to him for how long?

I talked to him when I was 10 and then

he ignored me

again. What do you mean? Like you would call him and he wouldn't reach out back to you? Yeah.
That's so mean. So mean.
It's your kid. I know.
And why though? Why? He had another family. Oh.
So he liked the other one more. Yeah.
I guess. Oh, man.
Oh, don't say that. Well, if they're better, they're better.
But they were better, obviously. Wait, he had another family in Korea? Yeah.
Wow. How many kids? Two kids.
Do you know who they are at all? No. So when we, I remember bringing it up, I was out of the blue because I think I was like, I don't know what popped in my head, but I was like, I knew Giovanni, her stepdad.
I love that guy. You know? Giovanni? Is he Italian? No.
No, that's just,? No. Giovanni's an Italian name.
Filipinos, they have strange names. That's an Italian name.
They have names like X-Pro. They have names that shouldn't be...
Are they named after golf balls? They have names like Dilithium Crystal would be a name. I'm being real.
Where do they get these names from? Campfire. They just take an English word.
Yeah. You literally can call somebody.
Hey, what's up, Campfire? He's like, oh, hey. Hey, how you doing? Yeah, so.
He's my brother. So I always thought to myself, I go, well, if, and then I found out that Giovanni, you know what I mean, was.
Ribisi. Giovanni Ribisi is her stepdad.
Right, right. And I go, what happened to your real dad? I asked, and we talked about her real dad, and all of a sudden, a couple weeks later, he calls out of nowhere.
I talked to my real dad, my biological father, a couple days ago because my grandfather died two days ago. Are you happy? No, I feel sad about it.
He did. He passed away.
He was a great man. What was his name? Passed away.
Dominic. How did he die?

Gun down.

No, no.

How did he die?

Don't make it a joke.

He got into a fist fight.

Oh.

92.

He got into a fist fight.

Yeah?

Over a parking spot.

It's so funny.

He's 92.

How do you think he died?

He died from natural causes.

The air.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't believe...

You know, I talked to him.

I talked to him.

This is true.

I will be going to talked to him this is true we went out to Palm Springs on Saturday and I I talked to him on Saturday and we went to Palm Springs and I gotta tell ya there is something we're getting very serious on this podcast for some reason there There is some – Rudy? There is something about when somebody knows they're going to die that they talk differently. Do you understand what I mean by that? No, I don't.
He sounded different. Oh, my dad did the same thing.
He sounded – You know what my dad said? Huh? I think I'm going to die. I'm like, that's different.
He just sounded, he sounded, dude, he sounded like, it was like a high amount of clarity, if you understand what I mean by that. But was he like, was he analyzing his life? Was he reminiscing? Well, you know, his kids were there with him all the time, right? My dad and brothers and sisters were there.
But I think he was just like really excited and happy to have like so much family around him during a shitty time that I think you physically feel and you emote differently. But when he spoke on the phone, you wouldn't have told – you wouldn't have been able to say this guy is going to die.
You'd be like he's in a great fucking mood. Yeah, but check this out.
If I was dying, I was an old man. Yeah, soon.
And I knew I was going to die, right?

And I could just kind of like – You might not 100% believe you're going to die.

Right.

But then in your head, you must think it's a possibility because you're old, right?

You got to know.

You got to know.

And if I had friends and family around, right, I wouldn't talk to Juliana, this one, the same way as I do.

Right. Right? Like fucking clean same way as I do.
Right.

Right?

Like, fucking clean that or pick that up.

Right?

Who are you talking to?

You know what I mean?

That kind of thing.

I would probably say stuff like, you know what, Jules?

It's been a real pleasure.

You would.

Yeah.

And I'm so glad I met you.

Because family matters.

Yeah.

And I would say that to everyone around me.

I would go, even you, I'd be like – aside from all the – yeah.

No.

I'll tell you what I would say.

What?

You're on your deathbed right now.

Do it.

Lay down like you're on your deathbed.

I would say this.

I would say, you know, Andrew, growing up, I always felt different.

And even when I had friends, I just didn't really completely identify with them.

And as I get – I always felt different. And even when I had friends, I just didn't really completely identify with them.

And as I got older and I followed my dreams as a comic and stuff like that, I felt like I met my people. And when I met you, it literally felt like I had known you all my life and that you and I are like souls that knew each other in previous lives.

That's what it felt like.

And I just want to say that it was a real – and I also think that you're really a talented guy. It makes me feel – it makes me feel talented that people like you, talented people, you may want to be around me and work with me.
And working with you was a pleasure. I learned a lot.
And I have to say, man, I love you. I love you too.
I would say something like that. That's so nice.
How does it feel? I mean, it moved me. Now, I challenge you to say something as moving.
I'm on my deathbed.

Yes, I challenge you.

You walk into my hospital room.

But try to be real because that's what I would really say.

Andy.

Hey, fuck.

Andy, it's me, Bob.

Bob.

Bob, thanks for coming. It's been so long We recorded two weeks ago I know I can't believe you let Jules drive She hit me so hard with the prince But it's okay I forgive her And I want to take this moment to say What I want to say to you Bobby Bobby You Light up my life You give me Let me have my fucking moment Bobby Bobby I'm here I've always thought That you were The Bob I'm gone by then You're gone? I, yeah I faked it No, I'm in the car already I'm not dead Okay, honestly This is what I really would say to you You know what? Can I just You know what I'd say to you? It's so insulting You know what I would say to you? Be real You know what I'd say to you? Yeah, go ahead You're alright, kid You're alright You don't have it in you I would say You really don't have it in you You don't have it in you I would say say thanks for coming.
You don't have it in you to be real and heartfelt. No, because yours was so nice.
We are going to play a quiz game again, a trivia about St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, of course, because if I don't win this, I'm going to be so pissed mean, it's first to what? Three? Five. Five.
Five. So, and you guys? I don't know anything.
I'll ask a question. I don't know anything about St.
Patrick's. Yes, you do.
We've talked about it on the show before. I don't know the history.
I don't know where it's from. I don't know why they're doing it.
Well, it's from Ireland. You know that.
Okay. Well, I can, we can do a trial round if you guys want.
No, just play it. Okay.
So we're gonna start with Rudy. Rudy.
Wait, wait, wait. You don't ask the question.
What's the buzzer for then? Because you guys can still, if she doesn't know the answer, you guys can fight to still. Rudy? Of which country is St.
Patrick the Patreon Saint? Ireland. Correct.
One point for Rudy. It's like he sets it up for her just to win every time.
It's so annoying. If I don't get a softball one like that, I'm gonna fucking kill you.
What did St. Patrick believe as Shamrock represented? Luck.
You don't have to buzz. That's not correct.
Read the question again. What did St.
Patrick believe as Shambrock represented? Okay. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.
Correct. The Holy Trinity.
The Holy Trinity. Okay.
Hell yeah, I got a stolen point from Bob. Now it's my question.
Yes. Andrew.

God bless, by the way. God bless.

What are the odds of finding a

four-leaf clover? What are the

odds of finding a four-leaf clover?

You know,

one in a hundred thousand.

Bobby? Zero percent.

They don't exist.

Okay, Rudy?

They do. They do? Yeah.
What kind of question is it? They don't exist. Okay, Rudy? They do.

They do?

Yeah.

What kind of question is it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Can I answer it again?

No, you did one.

You're done.

She has to go. One in four.

No.

No.

Okay.

One in 5,000.

No, but you are closer.

It's one in 10,000. So we're going to give it to you.
Two points, Rudy. Fuck you 5,000.
No, but you are closer. It's one in 10,000.

So we're going to give it to you.

Two points, Rudy.

Fuck you, Andres.

Spanish bitch.

Rudy.

Okay.

Which U.S. city dices River Green annually to celebrate San Patrick's Day?

What?

Um.

I don't know.

San Francisco. She has to answer.
She just did. San Francisco.
Yeah. Bobby? Philadelphia.
Nope. Okay, we're out of time.
Nobody else can answer. I get to answer.
Sorry. Chicago, Illinois.
Chicago, I get to fucking give me the points. No, no, no.
You'll get it. Yes, I fucking do.
Fuck you. That's what this is all about.
I got it, Andres.

You know I did.

Well, yes, but it got in late, you know?

What the fuck do you mean?

What the fuck do you mean?

If they don't get it right, then we get a chance to answer.

And he buzzed in.

You know what?

That's true.

He gets it.

No, but you guys.

Go ahead.

Do it again.

Bobby, what are the three colors of the Irish flag? White, green, and orange. Correct.
Yes. You don't need to buzz.
Oh, I don't? I get a point? Yes. You have one.
Andrew, how many churches and cathedrals are named after St. Patrick in Ireland? Oh my God.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
112. Bobby? 312.
2,000. Okay, I don't think I'm...
You guys get this point. 60.
60? I'm closest. Two off.

Two off?

Dude, I'm gonna fucking call ice on you.

I'm gonna call fucking ice.

You're going back to Spain, bitch.

He's got fucking attitude. Do you notice

that? It's insane.

He's gonna get fired.

How do I call ice? Can you call ice?

Go ahead. Keep going.
Rudy. Okay, fill in the blank.
Blank, me, I'm Irish. Blank, me, I'm Irish? You have to fill in the blank.
Fill out the blank part. What? I'm actually calling Ice.
George, me, I'm Irish.

George, me, I'm Irish?

God, you are so dumb.

Fuck me, I'm Irish.

No, it's kiss me, I'm Irish.

I guess that point, too.

I literally just called Ice the Homeland Security line.

I'm getting you deported, dude.

Andre.

You got the point, Andrew.

Yeah, but I've had fucking eight points. Go ahead.
And you said we're tied? All right, so it's three deported, dude. Andres.
You got the point, Andrew. Yeah, but I've had fucking eight points.

Go ahead.

And you said we're tied?

All right.

So it's 3-2-2.

You're winning.

3-2-2.

By a lot.

No, 3-2-2.

You're winning.

By more than that.

No, you're not.

Now keep going.

I got Chicago.

I got the Holy Trinity.

Too late.

Bobby.

Thank you.

According to the legend, what animal did St. Patrick chase out of Ireland?

A troll.

No.

Okay.

Don't stop that or I'm going to leave.

Go ahead.

Rudy?

A rabbit.

Snakes.

Yes.

Yeah.

You know I'm getting all these right.

Andrew.

Yeah.

What year did the annual shamrock ceremony in the White House start?

1976.

1980.

1974.

Fuck you.

Correct.

Good.

Really, really good guess, Rudy.

All right, enough. Enough.
Somebody has to clean that. Okay.
Yeah, they do. Oh, yeah.
Bobby. What city in the Cinelog Santo Niño Festival held every year? What city is the Cinco? What is it?

Cinologue Santo.

Cinologue what?

Cinologue Santo.

Cinologue Santo.

Niño Festival.

I'm not done.

Brazil.

No.

Sao Paulo.

No.

Rudy?

Cebu.

Correct.

So annoying.

He does questions just for her.

Can we do a competition right now that's not fucking St. Patrick's Day related?

It's St. Patrick's Day.

I know, but let's just do another one about Godzilla or something that we might want to.

What about Star Trek?

Yeah, let's do one on Star Trek.

I'm never going to get anything.

Star Trek.

I don't know anything about Star Trek.

Star Trek, go ahead.

How many movies are in the Star Trek franchise? Oh, my God. That's so hard.
Seven. No, there's way more.
Including Next Generation? Yes. Okay.
Nerd. This is such nerd shit.
I'm drinking another beer. I would say...

10.

It's probably 12.

No.

11.

Well, Rudy's the closest.

13.

Told you.

I should have said 12.

And this is it.

So Rudy wins.

I'll take that.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Fuck you, I'm done.

Thank you for being a bad friend. I guess that's that.
Hey! Hey, yo! I'm doing a couple of dates, okay? I'm filling out the calendar a little bit for the fall, but right now I've got Salt Lake City, which is almost all sold out. If not sold out, we're adding shows.
And also Addison Improv, which is one of your favorites.

I love that.

Close near Dallas.

People are like, how far from Dallas?

You can drive there.

Go to andrewsantino.com for tickets.

andrewsantino.com for those tickets. Yep.