The Shamrock ☘️ Cult

Speaker 1 Chronic spontaneous urticaria, or chronic hives with no known cause. It's so unpredictable.

Speaker 2 It's like playing pinball.

Speaker 1 Itchy red bumps start on my arm, then my back,

Speaker 1 sometimes my legs. Hives come out of nowhere,

Speaker 1 and it comes and goes. But I just found out about a treatment option at treatmyhives.com.
Take that, chronic hives. Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

Speaker 3 Oifi.

Speaker 2 Eof.

Speaker 2 Oif.

Speaker 2 Siobhan. Sioban.
Sioban. Sioban.
No, Siobhan. Sioban.
It sounds a V. Sioban.
Let me get a third shot at the third. It looks like Cioban, but it's Siobhan.
Grani.

Speaker 2 Graney. Granny.
Graney.

Speaker 2 Miadot.

Speaker 2 Mif. Miadup.
Mirof. Miadof.
Miado. Pueba.
Derbla.

Speaker 2 Miabla. Derbla.
Derbla. Cowme.
Cowme. Ciaome.
Ciaome. Oisen.
Oisen.

Speaker 2 Oysen sauce. Take.
Tagre.

Speaker 2 Crack. Rudy.

Speaker 2 That's Rudy. Ruin.

Speaker 2 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 3 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 Well, you two are something. We're bad friends.
Milucky

Speaker 2 Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's the lovely day. We drink a lot of beer and we kiss each other.

Speaker 2 Hey, don't tell your father or your mother that you're gay. It's St.
Patrick's Day.

Speaker 2 Drink another beer. Oh, the rainbow.
Is that a

Speaker 2 sound? Somewhere over the rainbow is a Irish.

Speaker 2 It is. I brought my Irish stein here.

Speaker 2 so I can have

Speaker 2 this one. What about jump, jump, jump? That song? Isn't that Irish?

Speaker 2 House of Pain. Jump.
House of Pain. Jump, jump, hi-dow, hi-how.
Jump, jump. Hadow, hi-dow.

Speaker 2 Is that Irish? I don't know. I always

Speaker 2 when I look at them in that video, I think that they're Irish. Well, House of Pain is Irish.
Yeah, because they're green.

Speaker 2 They're not green people. They wear green a lot.
They're green. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're Irish. They're always always in green outfits and whatnot.
I'm going to drink Guinness for the motherland. Oh, here we go.
This is for the motherland. Yeah, but I'm in recovery, baby.

Speaker 2 I want to drink it so bad.

Speaker 2 Bob, yum, yum. I've had drinks in front of you before.
Yum, yum, yum, yum yum, yum, yum, yum. Are you, this is, is this bad? You can, no, no.
You don't get any of this.

Speaker 2 I've had drinks in front of you multiple times. I know, I like it.
You have green, you have green soda.

Speaker 2 This is a green

Speaker 2 Pearl Edition sugar-free Red Bowl. Whoa,

Speaker 2 thank you. I have to rip it because I want to be able to have a soda pop.

Speaker 2 There you go.

Speaker 2 Pretty good. Welcome to the show.

Speaker 2 Hi, Rude. Put on your beard, please.
Look at this.

Speaker 2 Look at the size of this thing.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get tanked, dude.

Speaker 2 I like the way your cheeks get rosy. You're like really rosy cheeks.
Look at you. That's because I'm

Speaker 2 out in the sun.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think so. I think it's St.
Patrick's Day. Your cheeks are all rosy.
Well, whenever it's St. Patrick's name, I eat my cheeks get a little rosy.
What can I say?

Speaker 2 What's my wife's name, too? When you get rosy, I think you're gonna have plump red cheeks. Yeah, I'm gonna be fat.
Like plump, though. But I'm gonna be fat.
Yeah, yeah. I'm looking for it.

Speaker 2 I'm excited to get fat. Yeah.
I love that you have green on your face. Today I did ADR, and they did a close-up of my face.
Yeah. And my face went from each end of the screen.

Speaker 2 That's how fucking fat I am.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not kidding you.

Speaker 2 And they had two little heads here, which was, you know, Magnum and Perdita, right?

Speaker 2 And then my big, fucking blob yellow, fucking gross face. Big flat head.
And you can see my fucking liver spots. You don't have any liver spots, baby.
I do on the side, babe. Is that what those are?

Speaker 2 What do you think it was? Lesions? Yeah, lesions.

Speaker 2 You have lesions?

Speaker 2 I thought it was lesions. What? You got self-conscious about your ADR because you look a little less.
So

Speaker 2 we were going to... Did you see Chris D recently? Yeah.
You did? Today? Yeah, no, a couple days ago. He's in town.

Speaker 2 Chris D is in town. I know that he is.
Yeah. And so that we were going to prank him by what?

Speaker 2 Well, we were going to send pubes to them, but he's in L.A. for the next three months.
We send pubes to them, but they prayed. They saved our pubes.
But they pranked us twice. How? What do you mean?

Speaker 2 No, they didn't. They sent us poo.
They sent us poo. That's it.
They gave you COVID.

Speaker 2 That's the best prank in the world.

Speaker 2 And he didn't even get it. I know.
He didn't even get it. That's the prank, though.
I know. Oh, that's right.
Are these chocolate?

Speaker 2 We got to get him back. I know.
Well, what do we have to do? Dude, send you shit and give you COVID? Imagine that.

Speaker 2 Poop in the the mail and COVID in my lungs. Yeah.
That's fucking insane. That's insane.
No, we should kill those guys. Yeah.
The disrespect is insane. Open your mouth.
I got a chocolate for you.

Speaker 2 No, I don't want to. That's.
I don't, right now. I'm only 50%.

Speaker 2 Come on. All right.

Speaker 2 Okay, I didn't know. Close.

Speaker 2 Rudy, you don't. Oh, there you go.

Speaker 2 How does that feel comfortable?

Speaker 3 It's fine. It's not itchy.

Speaker 2 It's not itchy? Wait a minute. Was there any,

Speaker 2 did we talk about this? Were there ever any redheads in the Philippines? No. Never, right? You've never seen one.
But if you did see one, what would you guys do? You dig a hole. You dig a hole? Yeah.

Speaker 3 I think Tito Andre was the first one I've seen.

Speaker 2 I'm the first redhead you've ever seen in your life. Yeah.
How scary was that? I thought it was weird. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Okay.
Because you're used to it. You know what I mean? You see, like, the movies, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you see redheads on film. No, no, you see redheads.
Also, look, look, look. One of your favorite One of your favorite characters, he's a redhead.
Oh, yeah. No, he's not.

Speaker 2 No, but in real life, like, you know,

Speaker 2 when I was a kid, I would watch scary things like, you know,

Speaker 2 Lucille Ball.

Speaker 2 Scary things? Yeah, because I love Lucille. Wasn't scary.
It was a bit comedy.

Speaker 2 I know, but her hair was so red. It was so scary.
Right. And then you would see, like, it, the first one.
Yeah. You're like, oh, shit.
He's one of our hair.

Speaker 2 And then when you see one for the first time, a redhead, right? There is a shock to it. Yeah, a little bit.
Yeah. A little bit of shock.
It's like, ooh, that's real. We're a dying breed.

Speaker 2 There's only look up how many redheads are on Earth. I bet you there's, let's guess.
How many redheads do you think are on Earth for real? Genuinely? 845 million.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 What an insanely bad guess. What? 845 million redheads? How could that be? You know how many people are in the, how many people are in the United States? In the world, you said, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but how many people are in the United States? 350 million. Yes, exactly.
So you think double the population of the United States is redheads? You're right. Let me take, can I take that back?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Yeah, because that's the dumbest math I've ever heard. I still.
It's insane. I just threw it out there.
All right, well, give me another one. All right.

Speaker 2 I would say there's 183 million redheads on planet Earth. Okay, Rudy, what do you think? How many redheads are on planet Earth right now? Maybe like

Speaker 3 6%.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 What is happening in here? Yeah, yeah. 6% of the Earth is redhead? Is that what we think? Yeah, maybe.
Okay, 6% of the total population.

Speaker 2 I would say the number number would be around like 2.5 million redheads. 2 million redheads on Earth.
2 million? That's it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Can I adjust?

Speaker 2 140 million. Less than 20 million.
Wow. So who was the closest? I was.
We were. I said 183 million.
You first guessed 800 million.

Speaker 2 You first guessed 800 million. I know, but my second guess,

Speaker 2 which is the real guess, is I was the closest. 140 million people.
That's approximately.

Speaker 2 Scotland boasts the highest percentage of natural redheads with 13 of that country being redheads yeah there we go wow and they're treated the worst are they really we're treated worse than any other kind of person on earth that's oh my god

Speaker 2 really

Speaker 2 who's lower than us the jews what in the history of time redheads in the history of time we were persecuted as well you guys were put in in in concentration camps and put into fucking mass mass killings yep

Speaker 2 yep they did it never never Never heard of it. Yes, they did.
Look up the redhead genocide. Look up the ginger genocide.
You've never heard of ginger genocide? Is there a ginger genocide? Yes, sir.

Speaker 2 Look up the ginger genocide. The ginger genocide.
Oh, you know what? 1648. Northern Ireland was oppressed, right, by England.
Of course. Yeah, so that's still a battle going on.
NRA.

Speaker 2 Ginger genocide, right there. Click on it.
What happened?

Speaker 2 There was a ginger genocide. A crime that will be committed in late 2009, early 2010 to exterminate all ginger bitches and their children.

Speaker 2 in 2009 it didn't happen we got they never happened they didn't get us yeah they planned the attack and we didn't they didn't it wasn't it didn't happen yeah

Speaker 2 you know why we're too swift baby yeah but when i when i look at um redheaded people i don't think um

Speaker 2 i just feel disgusted not there's no feeling of like i want to hurt them or i want to oppress them You feel bad for them? I don't feel bad for them. I just feel.

Speaker 2 I'm a little lubrecrun.

Speaker 2 Who is that girl? Aunt Jennifer Anderson. Is it? Yeah.
She was in the first one. And the original.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 God, she looks the exact same now. 30 years later, or whatever that is.
Yeah, I love actors that have done bad movies before they became. What do you mean? Leprechaun was a great movie.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Great movie. But it was cool to see Johnny Depp in the first

Speaker 2 Nightmare on Elm Street. Another great movie.
I don't know. You're referencing two great movies.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait. Nightmare on Elm Street.
Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 stop you're saying that leprechaun correct

Speaker 2 and nightmare and elm street is a cult classic sure so leprechaun no it's not no leprechaun's not yes it is it is the only reason we know about it is because it's a gold classic is it good so should i go watch it tonight i would absolutely watch it again tonight what's it about it's about a leprechaun no but what happens it's right in the title

Speaker 2 what happens though maybe that's regular size

Speaker 2 This is a scene from Leprechaun.

Speaker 2 Are you kidding me? This is incredible. How did you print this up so quickly?

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. Wow, he's on top of it.
So, this is a part of the movie. So, obviously,

Speaker 2 is Tori Jennifer Aniston? Yes, yes. Can I play? You have to play the Leprechaun, obviously.
Of course.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll play Torrey. Okay, and then, Rudy, you have to read the stage directions.
Okay. Okay, this is the table read.
Let's imagine this is the table read for Leprechaun. What year was Leprechaun?

Speaker 2 19 in the 90s. 92? Yeah.
93. 93.
So here we go. All right, stage.
Okay, so this is the table read for Leprechaun. Thanks all for coming.
And Rudy Jules, take it away. Well,

Speaker 2 let the writer have a little announcement. They sometimes do that.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So I'm, I'll just play the writer as well. Hi, I'm Cliff

Speaker 2 Mits Fitzsimmons.

Speaker 2 Cliff Miss Fitzsimmons? Cliff Mick Mick Fitzsimmons.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm Cliff Mick Fitzsimmons.

Speaker 2 That's my name.

Speaker 2 And I think you welcome to

Speaker 2 my movie that I wrote called Leprechaun. What a fan.
And inspiration was

Speaker 2 I lived in Ireland for many, many years. Well, you grew up there, right, Cliff? Yes, I did.
And when did you move to the United States, Cliff? In the 83, 1983. In 1983.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What brought you to the States?

Speaker 2 The desire to make. I'm a filmmaker.
I'm a writer. And you didn't want to do anything over there.
There was nothing going on. There's nothing going on.
It's fucked up over there, Lila Redheads.

Speaker 2 So here we go. And

Speaker 2 this movie is

Speaker 2 just dear to my heart because it reminds me of my childhood back on the rolling hills of Dublin. Oh, wow.
Yeah. Okay, wonderful.
Well,

Speaker 2 sir. Sir.
Sir, please take it away. Yeah, well, I'm the writer.
That's the director. Oh, my God.
You're the director of the film. What is your name again? Just announce yourself.

Speaker 3 I'm Jose.

Speaker 2 Jose.

Speaker 2 Jose what?

Speaker 2 Jose what? A hairy-faced Hispanic guy. Jose what? Fucking movie.
Jose

Speaker 3 Archnold.

Speaker 2 Archnold. Jose Archnold.
Ladies and gentlemen, Jose Archnold.

Speaker 2 Alright, Jose. Well, why don't you take us through the film? Here we go.

Speaker 3 Tori holds a bag of gold. The leprechaun magically appears.

Speaker 2 Is that me, Gordon? What the hell are you? I'm a leprechaun, me dear. Here, this is what you're looking for, right?

Speaker 3 Tori holds out the bag of gold. The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hand.

Speaker 2 My powers are returning! The leprechaun.

Speaker 2 What's going on? I wrote it as me.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry? It's me powers are returning. Not mine.

Speaker 2 So.

Speaker 2 Okay, stage direction. Go ahead.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry, but read it again. Sorry.

Speaker 3 Tori holds out the bag of gold. The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hands.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? What? In table reads, they don't have fucking a gopher.

Speaker 2 What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 It's a table read. We're not rehearsing the fucking.
Interrupting a table read is insane.

Speaker 2 All right, let's start from the top. Let's go.
Let's go again. Let's start from the top.
Jose,

Speaker 2 since I wrote it. Yeah.
It's Cliff here. So, hey, Cliff.
Yeah, hey, so

Speaker 2 can you play it more real?

Speaker 2 A little bit more real. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, no problem. Thanks.

Speaker 2 Jose, Jose, say your last name again?

Speaker 3 Archinald.

Speaker 2 Archinald. Jose Arch.

Speaker 2 Jose Archinald the director. Go ahead, Jose, when you're ready.
And And I am Cliff McFitzimmons. Yeah, I know Mr.

Speaker 2 McFitzimmons. I am aware of who you are.

Speaker 3 Torrey holds out the bag of gold. The leprechaun magically appears.

Speaker 3 Real?

Speaker 2 No, this is way too old. It's way old.
What says magically appears?

Speaker 2 Just play the leprechaun real, as real as you can. Okay.

Speaker 3 Tori holds out the bag of gold. The leprechaun magically appears.

Speaker 2 Very good.

Speaker 2 Very good.

Speaker 2 Very well.

Speaker 2 Is that me, gold?

Speaker 2 What the hell are you? I'm a leprechaun, me dear.

Speaker 2 There we go. Here, this is what you're looking for, right?

Speaker 3 Tori holds out the bag of gold. The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hands.

Speaker 2 Me powers are returning!

Speaker 3 The leprechaun shakes the bag.

Speaker 2 It sounds like me gold!

Speaker 3 The leprechaun opens the bag.

Speaker 2 It looks like me gold.

Speaker 3 The leprechaun smells the bag.

Speaker 2 It smells like me. A little less.

Speaker 2 Migold.

Speaker 2 A little less, please. The leprechaun tastes the gold.

Speaker 2 It tastes like me gold.

Speaker 2 Okay, you're fired. Why?

Speaker 2 It's your... I'm the leprechaun.
I know, you're definitely the leprechaun. We have Matthew McConney.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Zammigold.
There we go. Let's do with Matthew.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Alright, don't even do the Heritage. First line.
Go ahead, Matthew. Hey, send me gold, man.

Speaker 2 Send me gold, man. Yeah, what the hell are you?

Speaker 2 I'd be leprechaun, me, dude.

Speaker 2 Here, this is what you're looking for, right? Ooh.

Speaker 2 Me powers are returning.

Speaker 4 Before the next line, can you see all right, all right?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. All right, all right.
Looks like me gold. That's right.
If I can say, all right, all right. All right, all right, it looks like me gold.
Yeah. Leprechaun smells a bag.

Speaker 2 All right, all right.

Speaker 2 It smells like me gold. Oh, you're hired, Matthew.
Thank you. Amazing.
Why don't you play the leprechaun, then?

Speaker 2 If you don't like the way that I'm playing the leprechaun, why don't you play it and I'll play Tori? Because I wrote the fucking. I'm not an actor.
I'm fucking Cliff McClure. Neither am I.

Speaker 2 Obviously, you just fired me off the movie. Oh, sorry.
All right, so you play the leprechaun.

Speaker 2 No, you know what? You play the leprechaun. I can't do the.
Yes, you can. I can't do the accent.
Yes, you can. I'll try it.

Speaker 2 Go ahead and read it again, George.

Speaker 2 Jorge, what is it?

Speaker 3 Say Archnold.

Speaker 2 Archnold. And don't.
And where the fuck do you get Archnold from?

Speaker 2 Where would that even... Where does your brain...
Archnold? Hi, Cliff McPherson.

Speaker 2 I know Mr. McFinn-Simmons.
We're going to get to you in a second. No, but it's my culture to always...
You know, let me say my name first, all right? So hi, I'm Cliff McPherson.

Speaker 2 Hi. So I just want to let you know that you're degrading our ethnic.
Immigrant. He's an immigrant director.
I'm glad he did a short film. I just don't understand how to do it.
That went to Sundance.

Speaker 2 And what's the movie you did for Sundance? The short film. About the Mexican immigrants crossing the border.

Speaker 2 What was that beautiful movie that? Clap the boat. Clap the boat.
You never saw Clap the Boat. Are you telling me you directed Clap the Boat? That was your film.
Clap the Boat was you.

Speaker 2 Clap the Boat. That's one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life.
I know. Do you know what the movie's about? Tell them what the movie's about.
I know Clap the Boat. I love Clap the Boat.

Speaker 2 The movie's about

Speaker 2 these Mexican immigrants, they're trying to cross the border, correct? Yeah. Right? And they don't know how.

Speaker 2 Right, they're just trying to figure out how to dig a hole underneath the wall in the wall, right? Trump's wall. They try to over it.

Speaker 2 They try to go over it, right? Yep. And then, right? Your main lead, what's his name?

Speaker 2 Who's the lead actor of that movie?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was, what was the name? The lead actor?

Speaker 3 Alexandra.

Speaker 2 Alexandra. Alexandra.

Speaker 2 Ocatio. Ocaccio.

Speaker 2 Ocatio, right?

Speaker 2 I like Alexander. She builds a boat.
She's so good. She's so good.

Speaker 2 She's so good in the movie. Alexandra O'Connor.
She builds a boat, right? And then what do they do when she builds a boat?

Speaker 2 Clap the eye. There wasn't a dry eye in the theaters, I'll tell you that.
There wasn't a dry eye. Honestly, I'm not even...
I'm not joshing around anymore. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Clap the boat was one of the best movies I've ever seen in my entire life. Well, then

Speaker 2 don't talk to him about that. I'm being rude to him.
Okay?

Speaker 2 To him. Go ahead.
All right, sir. Can you please read the directions so we can get through the scene of Leprechaun where Boob is playing Lep and I'm playing Tori.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Tori holds a bag of gold, the Leprechaun magically appears.

Speaker 2 Does that make all?

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 Where the hell are you? I'm a luck leprechaun, my dear.

Speaker 2 Here.

Speaker 2 This is what you're looking for, right? Tori.

Speaker 3 Tori holds out the bag of gold. The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hands.

Speaker 2 Me powers are returning. Cripple?

Speaker 2 That's what you were doing.

Speaker 3 The leprechaun shakes the bag.

Speaker 2 It sounds like me gold.

Speaker 3 The leprechaun opens the bag.

Speaker 2 It looks like me gold.

Speaker 3 The leprechaun smells the bag.

Speaker 2 It smells like me gold.

Speaker 2 The leprechaun tastes. It tastes like my gold.

Speaker 3 The leprechaun kisses torn.

Speaker 2 Oh, God. Oh, oh, God.
Oh, oh, God. You know, Arch? Is that your name? No, Jose.
That's Jose. Jose, I think you should put...

Speaker 2 I think Jose should do the Loprechaun.

Speaker 2 We're trying to do an Irish accent.

Speaker 2 I just fucking did it. We taught you how to do Irish accent.

Speaker 2 Cliff McFitzsimmons here. But Mr.
McFitz-Simmons, if I may speak for Mr. McFitt-Simmons,

Speaker 2 he did give it his best effort. And, sir, you're directing this movie.
We'd love to see how you would take it. I don't know.

Speaker 2 You got to step into the shoes of the accent. I try to do it.
And, you know what I mean? Yeah, you should. So, Buck, I'll do the stage directions if you don't mind.
You You play Tori. I'll be Tori as.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Tori holds a bag of gold. The Leprechaun magically appears.

Speaker 2 Is that me gold?

Speaker 2 Pretty good. Pretty good.

Speaker 2 What the hell are you?

Speaker 3 I'm a leprechaun, my dear.

Speaker 2 Here, is this what you're looking for? Tori holds out the bag of gold. The leprechaun uses magic to bring it to his hands.

Speaker 3 My powers are are returning.

Speaker 2 The leprechaun shakes the bag.

Speaker 2 It's so hard. Keep going.

Speaker 3 It sounds like McGold.

Speaker 2 The leprechaun opens the bag. It looks like McGold.
The leprechaun smells the bag.

Speaker 2 It smells like McGold. Very good.
Give her a round of applause. Very good.
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Speaker 2 Rules and restrictions apply. Bob, do you know, can I tell you something? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 You know, you're famous on other podcasts so much bigger than you even know. What do you mean? You were mentioned.

Speaker 2 I sent this to the guys. You got mentioned on one of the most famous race car drivers.
He was on a podcast and they talked about you of all time.

Speaker 5 Dale Earnhardt.

Speaker 2 Okay, can I just say this, though? Dale Earnhardt. I love Dale, by the way.
Oh, you should, because he loves you.

Speaker 2 I don't know if this is his show. If you're gonna,

Speaker 2 I have, I've I've been depressed all day.

Speaker 2 They talk about you on I've been depressed all day, so if this is slamming me, I'll take it, it's not slamming you, but it's gonna add on to my depression. It's not slamming you, Drace.

Speaker 2 Is this slamming him? No, go price in. Look at this.
They talk about you. I'm like, Blaney just walked into this room with Madden P.I.
There was somebody else that was famous in that scene.

Speaker 2 There was that Ken Jong, the guy from the Hangover. That's right.
That's right. There's him.
And there was a.

Speaker 2 Who else was in there?

Speaker 2 Hey, man, it was great seeing Magnum P.I., dude. Hey, let me tell you something.
Can I say something right now?

Speaker 2 You know that Ken did the show, right? I know, but they think it's you. No, they think it's you.
He did the show way before I did. No, they think it's you.
I swear to God, he did.

Speaker 2 No, that's not why he knows it's Ken. No way, they think it's you.
The reason. When did Ken do Magnum PI? I swear to God he did it.
When? I swear to God he did it. Google it.
Did Ken do magnum?

Speaker 2 I swear to God he did.

Speaker 2 The reason why I did it, and I can talk to, listen, all right?

Speaker 2 Let's call Gene Hong. Okay, call him.
Gene Hong is the producer of Magnum PI, one of them. Okay.
And I'll call him right now.

Speaker 2 Okay? You fuck. Okay.
And you're going to look like a fucking fool right now. I didn't put that clip.

Speaker 2 He's really mentioning Ken Jung in it, and it's like, why would that be a slam on me?

Speaker 2 buddy? Hey, Gene, this is, I'm on my podcast, Bad Friends, real quick, and um, I just have to ask you a question.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 was did Ken Jung did Magnum PI before I was on it, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, there we go. That's all I wanted to hear.
Thank you so much. But, but, but, but, but whose performance was better, Ken or Bobby? No, don't say that.
Whose performance was better, Ken or Bobby?

Speaker 2 I love you, Gene. Gene, Gene.
I'll talk to you later, Gene. I love you.
Thank you. Gene.
I'll talk to you later.

Speaker 2 You, you're.

Speaker 2 So, how funny is that that bit now? Let's play it again.

Speaker 2 All right. You try to slam me.
That wasn't me. Yeah.
I have nothing to do with the clip. Yeah.
It's like if Bill Burr did Magnum PI, right? And you did it before him, and some guy's got S.I.

Speaker 2 Andrew Santino on the show.

Speaker 2 How the fuck would that be? First of all,

Speaker 2 neither Bill nor myself would do Magnum P.I.

Speaker 2 What's so funny?

Speaker 2 Did that tickle your fancy bone?

Speaker 2 First of all, I'd be lucky to be on Magnum P.I. It's a great piece of television, and I think you do a great job

Speaker 2 every time you're on the show.

Speaker 2 Every time you're on the show, you kill it. I love the way that backfired.
Yeah. It feels so good.
A way to ruin a bit for the show.

Speaker 2 What the fuck did you want me to do? Go along with it?

Speaker 2 No, I will not. It's a good fight back.
It was a good fight back.

Speaker 2 I'd rather win than get laughs.

Speaker 2 I'd rather win

Speaker 2 an argument.

Speaker 2 That's been your whole life. Yeah, yeah, life.
And I love y'all that backfired on you. And let's just sit on that for a second.
Let's sit on the fact. Let's sit on that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I have nothing to do with it. You did it a bit.
You did a bit, right? No, it's not me. I have nothing to do with it.
I have nothing to do with it. And it backfired in your stupid red-headed face.

Speaker 2 Take my best guys now.

Speaker 2 I'm taking my best. Take off your vest.
Yeah. Oh, I love it.

Speaker 2 I love it. Jules got into UC Riverside.
Let's give it up for Jul.

Speaker 2 Clap the boat. Clap the boat.
And what other schools are you applying to?

Speaker 3 There's still a lot. I'm still waiting for.

Speaker 2 Where's the one you want to go to, Jules? What's the one that you're like, I really want to get into?

Speaker 3 I'm waiting for Long Beach, but I've heard that there's a lot of students who have.

Speaker 2 Long Beach State. Yeah, rejected.
Home with the dirtbags. That's what they're called, the dirtbags.
Do you know that? Yeah. The pyramid.

Speaker 2 You're going to get in. You're so smart.
You're going to get in. You're going to get in.

Speaker 2 This is weird. It's not even my kid, but I feel like she's a part of my family.
And so now I get a little anxious about her getting into school. Really? It just feels...

Speaker 2 I want her to win. Can we write a letter to any school that she.
Oh, yeah, can we do that? What if we do a video submission to your school? Yeah, can we do that? I don't know.

Speaker 2 What up, Long Beach State?

Speaker 2 I mean, can we help in any way? I don't know. No, they don't give a shit about us.
I like to promote a new podcast.

Speaker 2 It's called Blood Beautiful. Blood Death.

Speaker 7 That's one of the reasons why that's like my favorite roleplay is always 1800s.

Speaker 8 Because before that, they didn't use their hands. Everything was like bobbing for apples.

Speaker 7 You do century-based.

Speaker 7 Wait, wait, wait. You do century-based role-playing? Yeah, you have to really go back in time.

Speaker 7 You look at the whole stretch of history and then you choose a point in time. And then you use that as

Speaker 7 a jump-off point.

Speaker 2 Historical role-playing.

Speaker 8 You have to do research beforehand.

Speaker 2 It's one of my favorite new podcasts. It's called Bloodbath.
Kalila, Annie Letterman, and Esther Pavitsky do a great show called Bloodbath. I openly said how much I liked it on my show.

Speaker 2 I like it a lot, and I like their chemistry. Yeah, it's awesome.
Please tune in.

Speaker 2 Tune in and watch it.

Speaker 2 It's actually very good. I said to Klila, I thought it was very good.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 there's one thing I don't like about it. What do you think of that is? George.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The fact that he has anything to do with it is annoying to me. Well, what's annoying about George is that he's.
Well, let's put on the list. Well, I'll tell you.
Let's start. I have a big list.

Speaker 2 So you do one, I'll do one, you do one, I'll do one. Go.

Speaker 2 Let's go as fast as we can. Go.

Speaker 2 Well, no, because I have have to, when I say his face,

Speaker 2 go ahead. Oh, that's a good one.

Speaker 2 Um, he's his laugh, go ahead, deceiver,

Speaker 2 um,

Speaker 2 manipulator, opportunist, manipulator, opportunistic, uh, not as tall as he says he is, yeah. Um, weasel,

Speaker 2 two left feet, yeah,

Speaker 2 two left nuts, uh, blind in his left eye, yeah, um,

Speaker 2 aneurysms, fake wife,

Speaker 2 yeah,

Speaker 2 paid for wife, Bad breath. Go.

Speaker 2 Hey, did you see the Heaven's Gate documentary? Have we talked about that yet? No. You know what Heaven's Gate is? No.

Speaker 2 You don't know what Heaven's Gate is?

Speaker 2 I know what the gate would be when I get to heaven. I know what that is.
I know, I know. But there was the group of people.
It was a cult. Okay.
It was a cult of people, right?

Speaker 2 And in the 90s, they were found somewhere in San Diego. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They had all committed suicide.

Speaker 2 Is this the Kool-Aid? No, so they thought that so there was a there was a comet coming. I think it was Haley's Comet.
Yeah, Haley's Comet. Right.

Speaker 2 And so they thought that that they were all going to kill themselves, right?

Speaker 2 And then they were going to enter a spaceship that was at the end of Haley's Comet, right? Oh, wow. Right.
And then they were going to go to heaven that way, right?

Speaker 2 But it's been a cult that's been around since the 70s. How did they kill how did they suicide each other? They drank some sort of potion.

Speaker 2 Kool-Aid. That was the whole thing.
Yeah, it was Kool-Aid, but then

Speaker 2 they all had Nikes on.

Speaker 2 Why they love them? And

Speaker 2 they also had a roll of coins, like quarters. Cortez? They wore Cortez.
Yeah, they had quarters.

Speaker 2 Did they not have quarters? Yeah, I forget what the quarters were for. I think it's in heaven.

Speaker 2 And then they all have

Speaker 2 vending machines. Yeah, like to get into heaven.
And then also.

Speaker 2 You need a roll of quarters to get into heaven? What an insane idea. I know, but they'd add it, right? And then they also prostrated themselves.
It's good to see you, my son. Castrated themselves.

Speaker 2 Do you have the roll of quarters?

Speaker 2 They all castrated themselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So they all cut off their genitalia. The men cut off their genitale.
They're nuts, I think.

Speaker 2 They're castrated. What do they call that? That's castrated.

Speaker 2 They're nuts act? That's castrated. Yeah, yeah.
When you cut off your source of reproductive

Speaker 2 but one of them.

Speaker 2 Why would you imagine someone saying to get into heaven, you have to cut off your nuts? I know. What would you say? I'm going to hell.

Speaker 2 Cut off my fucking nuts. No, no, no, no, no.
Three guys

Speaker 2 who had been a part of the cult for many, many years

Speaker 2 went,

Speaker 2 that's the line. Yeah.
I'm in, but I'm out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to keep my balls. Yeah, let me have my balls, right? But so, but one of the guys.

Speaker 2 Like, imagine if they said they were going to lop off one of your boobs. What would you, if they say you can get ultimate freedom in heaven, but they're going to lop off a boob, what would you say?

Speaker 2 I'll ignore them. Yeah.
But would you still stay in the cult?

Speaker 3 I wouldn't be in a cult.

Speaker 2 You're in one now. You're in one now.
This is how.

Speaker 2 Clad friends is without a doubt. And you're one of the leaders.
No.

Speaker 2 By the way, when she squints her eyebrows and says no, it's so funny with us being.

Speaker 2 That's what I look like every day of my life.

Speaker 2 Oh, right there. The big bushy eyebrows.

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Speaker 2 Not available in all states.

Speaker 2 It's just, why do these cults have to have so many weird rules to get into heaven? I saw the thing, there was a thing online. Maybe Vice did a whole thing about the woman,

Speaker 2 Mother God. Do you know the Mother God? Do you know this woman? Look up Mother God, this woman here who's like an alcoholic.
And it's here. I think it's here in LA.

Speaker 2 Like Mother God, do mother god cult. Yeah, that's it, cult leader.
This, this woman bonk absolute bonkers out of her mind and she says she's the reincarnation of God a million times over.

Speaker 2 She's like an alcoholic and these people bought into this shit. And you listen to some of these interviews, you can't believe

Speaker 2 intellectual people would do it. Because they're educated, like they're adults.

Speaker 2 And they got sucked in. And I don't know.

Speaker 2 There's no way to know how. I don't know how they get.
How do you think, what's the thing that gets people into these things? It's well, usually cults get people when trauma?

Speaker 2 Yeah, when somebody is in a crossroads in their life. Like, for instance, like

Speaker 2 my girl, I've caught my girlfriend cheating on me, right? And she just broke up with me, right?

Speaker 2 And then the next day, and then you pray.

Speaker 2 This is real. They pray like to God or whatever, like, please give me a sign, right? And then the next day, some guy with like alien ears shows up at your door and goes,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 yes yes

Speaker 2 will you please join my call yes and they're they think that that's a sign from God right that they should do it you can look for a sign can be anything I can name you 10 things that happened today that if you wanted them to be a sign they would be a sign yeah but that's my whole point I do I do believe coincidence happens for a reason

Speaker 2 no cut it out will you you

Speaker 2 Bob no I do believe that you believe in fate or you believe in coincidence coincidence coincidence and fate are two different things for a reason so you believe in fate i do you tell you a story

Speaker 2 yeah i'm putting my seatbelt no no it's a it's not a funny story what what is it though but can i just tell you what my point ask rudy rudy may i

Speaker 2 yeah why why

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 why don't you tell

Speaker 2 there's just no enthusiasm at all

Speaker 2 yeah ask you come rudy ask me if you can tell the story can i tell a story please

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 so unhappy so

Speaker 2 I'm not gonna tell the story now that sucks no please tell it all right so this is why I believe this is gonna

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 2 when I um when I was 17 years old people know my story but when I was 17 years old I got sober yeah and I went to this place called the McDonald's Center

Speaker 2 which is a rehab from from Monroe McDonald I think Ronald McDonald the McDonald's yeah they McDonald's foundation does fall yeah they do so right yeah but I never saw a clown all right so then they didn't serve McDonald's

Speaker 2 I don't think anybody thinks that

Speaker 2 I just wanted to just throw that out there. Get sober and have a Big Mac.

Speaker 2 If you look at my Instagram, early on in my Instagram, there's a photo of me when I, the first day I was at the McDonald's, they were wearing my

Speaker 2 fatigues. Not fatigue, what do they call them? Fatigues like an army.
No, not fatigues. What do you call them? The medical

Speaker 2 like a gown? Like a gown. Oh, wow.
I was wearing like a medical gown. Why do they put you in that? You can't just do regular clothes, huh?

Speaker 2 No, in the beginning, they no, because it's a hospital, it was a Scripps hospital, right? Oh, Scripps, yeah. So I'm like in

Speaker 2 and I'm really sick. I'm detoxing, yeah, right.
That makes sense. So there's a photo of me just, you know, meaning I'm here.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Dude, how funny you're detoxing, all like torque it out in the background on a McDonald's, like, hey,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 McDonald's, McDonald's, want you help me get some

Speaker 2 torque it out and drooling. Yeah, so then, um, so you go to school, so I go there, and I, you know,

Speaker 2 I meet this

Speaker 2 Korean man.

Speaker 2 Because when I was in rehab, I said,

Speaker 2 I've been to A meetings. I lied.
And I said, you know, you never see Asians. You never see Asians in recovery.
So, you know what I mean? I don't think that I am one.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? You don't think that? I don't think I'm a drug addict.

Speaker 2 I was using all these, you know, excuses. Yeah, defense mechanisms.
Correct. And

Speaker 2 so one day this guy shows up and he's wearing, he has tattoos to his wrists.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And he had an accent because he came here when he was 14 years old from Korea. He goes, hi.

Speaker 2 That's the way. Andan.
That's his name, Dan. I'm your sponsor.

Speaker 2 And he saved my life. You don't get to pick your sponsor? This time I didn't.

Speaker 2 He showed up. He didn't say...

Speaker 2 It was just like, I could have said no.

Speaker 2 But I just said, yeah, I think this is...

Speaker 2 That's not the coincidence. Was he scary, though? At first he was.
Yeah, he had white hair, yeah, but you know, he like Luke. He became, it looked like, yeah, like in Mortal Kombat, yeah, and he

Speaker 2 really came my father, you know, like a father figure. He saved my life.
Like when I was 17, I had missed so much school, right?

Speaker 2 That in my senior year, I got sober and I came back and they were like, you have to take a zero period, a lunch period, and night classes for you to graduate. There's no way you can do it.

Speaker 2 So I called Dan, I'll do another year. And Dan goes, No, you're doing it.

Speaker 2 So I'd show up, zero period, lunch period, and I did all that. And I graduated with my class.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And then I got out of the, I got out of high school and, you know, I would go to meetings. He was my sponsor, this and that.

Speaker 2 And then what ended up happening was I started doing stand-up when I was 23 years old in La Jolla. Right? At the store.
At the store. And I stopped going to meetings.

Speaker 2 So I slowly lost all their numbers.

Speaker 2 You just stopped talking. I stopped talking.
I stopped going to meetings. Right.
And I just started, just show business was it.

Speaker 2 All I did was hang out with the shores or, you know what I mean, did open mics. You know what I mean? It was everything.

Speaker 2 And I did that for many, many years. It got to the point where I didn't even see myself.
I wasn't drinking or doing drugs, but I didn't even see myself as a drug addict or alcoholic anymore. Okay.

Speaker 2 Just a performer. Yeah.
And I had nothing. It was just like a something about my past when i was a young guy right right

Speaker 2 so then when i i got mad tv i relapsed

Speaker 2 okay for the from the celebration yeah what it's from the celebration no from the i hated it the stress and the pressure because when i showed up at mad tv the first thing one of the producers said is i just don't think that you're funny right he called me in his office and he goes i don't think that you're funny what's his name i'm not gonna say his name what's his name what's his name i'll talk to you later about no but he said he doesn't think you're funny call him the fuck out who is he where the fuck is is he now?

Speaker 2 No, because he lived. Where the fuck is he now? He's a big producer.
Oh, he is? Yeah, he lives. On what? What are you getting so angry about? I'm just telling you a fucking story.

Speaker 2 I don't like him talking shit. I know.
So he goes, I don't think you're funny. I don't think you're right for the show.

Speaker 2 And when he said that, I just, you know, it just, and I could see like his group of writers and whatever not write me shit, right? And there were many shows where I couldn't even get on, right?

Speaker 2 It was just terrible. So I just did drugs, right? So two years on that show, I did drugs, right? And then they fired me.
Okay. And I ended up right in some detox back in San Diego, right?

Speaker 2 Back where I started. Okay.

Speaker 2 I didn't have a car. And also, it was one of those hippie places where they only fed you like organic foods, no meat, and wheatgrass, like a wheatgrass farm where they used to put

Speaker 2 wheatgrass colonic in your ass. And I was detoxing off a Viking.
And so I'd wake up like shaking with

Speaker 2 fucking wheatgrass, squirting out of my asshole in a bathroom, completely naked, shaking with no like medical. There was no medical.
It was like a hippie farm. There was no medical facility.

Speaker 2 And I just knew that I just needed something.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? I needed recovery, like a real recovery. So one night I fucking escaped.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 I had a little bit of money and it was two in the morning. I had to climb a 50-foot wall, like an old school wall in a forest, right?

Speaker 2 What's so funny? It's just what it is. It's crazy.

Speaker 2 Facility with 50-foot wall. Yeah, it was like a nice forest.

Speaker 2 It was in the forest. Right.
Right? I climbed this wall and I ran down like three miles down this hill.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And I see like a freeway. And then beyond the freeway, I see.
Vaughn's

Speaker 2 a grocery store. Yes.
24 hours. I don't know, yeah.
Right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it, I run into the Savannes, and I'm dirty. You know what I mean? I'm wearing like hospital garb on, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm in the fruit section. Of course, where else would you be? Right, to get an apple.
Right. I pick up an apple.

Speaker 2 I get a tap on my shoulder. It's Dan.
No. No.
But it's Dan's friend.

Speaker 2 Sorry. The perfect purport of that story would be, it's Dan.
No, it's Dan's friend.

Speaker 2 Somebody that knows Dan. Sorry, go ahead.
Let me finish. Yes.
A green apple or a red apple, by the way. A red one.
Yeah. I like delicious.
Fuji, Fuji, Fuji. Oh, delicious.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like the red, delicious.

Speaker 2 So I turn around and he goes, hey, it's me, Will.

Speaker 2 And I kind of vaguely remember him. And I go, oh, shit, you're Dan's friend.
You know, yeah, I'm sober.

Speaker 2 That's how I knew him from sobriety. Sure.
And he goes, it's so weird that you're here because this is what he said. He goes, I was speaking at a meeting in Arizona, right?

Speaker 2 And I was driving down the eight,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 And something told me to pull over here.

Speaker 2 Like at the grocery store. Yeah.
There's no reason why I'm here. I go, oh, that's weird.
And he goes, and I see you.

Speaker 2 And I go, oh, and he goes, you want Dan's number?

Speaker 2 So he gives me Dan's number, right? The next day, Dan and all my old AA people, right, start picking me up from this place to take me to meetings. Wow.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 that's why

Speaker 2 I believe in coincidences.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah.
And it saved my life. I got sober.

Speaker 2 I stayed sober for 17 years after that.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Do you want to kiss?

Speaker 2 You had to throw in a joke. You had to throw in a joke.
Can I tell you, Mike? No, I know you.

Speaker 2 That's actually a beautiful story.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I believe in certain things. I don't understand why the universe throws stuff at us.
I'll tell you one, but I'm going to keep it private for the sake of the person that the story is about.

Speaker 2 But the girl, a girl that my high school girlfriend, I hadn't spoken to her, obviously, in God knows how long, right? I was going to do a gig, and I flew. This was like

Speaker 2 Marco Island, Florida. Remember Marco Island? The gig, you know the gig, yeah.
I always said no to that gig. Yeah, I I said yes a lot.

Speaker 2 And I needed it. And I flew into Miami and then I drove, I was rented a car to drive there.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And on the way, I thought, oh, we,

Speaker 2 I lost my virginity in Marco Island, Florida to my high school girlfriend. Really? Swear to God.

Speaker 2 And so on the way there. Did it feel good? No.

Speaker 2 No. I cried the whole time.
And on the way there,

Speaker 2 for some reason in my head, I was like, I should give her a call. I haven't talked to her in so long.
But I was like, actually, I don't have her number on my phone. It's been 20 some odd years.

Speaker 2 I remembered her phone number. I don't, I can't tell you how.
I can't tell you why. I don't remember anybody's phone number.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I remembered her phone number.
Wow. It came to me.
I called her phone number

Speaker 2 and she picked up, which was even crazier, like on the second ring. And she said, what's up? And I said, I'm not making a joke.
Can I just add something real quick, real quick? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 If you're making this up, I'm going to be very furious. I swear to God, in my life, I'm not.
Okay, I'm just saying at the end, if you you go, gotcha, right? No, it's going to make me very furious.

Speaker 2 I promise I'm not. All right, go ahead.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I'm not. It's actually.
I swear to God, then go ahead and go. It's actually not a happy ending.
All right, so you, so. So I called her.
It's not a happy ending.

Speaker 2 So I called and she picked up, and she was like, oh, my God.

Speaker 2 How are you? It's so good to hear from you. It's been so many.
I said, yes. I just wanted to say hi.
It's just crazy. I'm doing this gig of Marco.
We, you know, it was so weird.

Speaker 2 I was thinking, oh, God, about high school, all this stuff. And she said, oh, I thought, she's like, I thought you called me because you knew.

Speaker 2 I was like, what do you mean? She's like, do you talk to anybody from home?

Speaker 2 And I don't really, from high school, not really.

Speaker 2 And she said, oh,

Speaker 2 I have cancer.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I'm not making a joke, Bobby.

Speaker 2 I don't know why I'm smiling. Because you think I'm coming with a curveball.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I said, really? And she said, yeah, you know, and it's, I can live with it and all this stuff. Bob, I'm not.
And she said, I can live with it. It's not going to be life-ending, but it's great.

Speaker 2 I thought that's why you called. And something in the universe had told me to call.
So my point is, I somewhat believe in it too, because I was like, why would I call her? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Something was like, give her a call. So did, and then

Speaker 2 did you help her out in any kind of way? Did it? Well, there's nothing. There's nothing I could do, but we talked for a while and it was kind of nice that we had this reconnection.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I thought it was so strange because why? I would have never called her otherwise. It was just like it was, I would never.

Speaker 2 what then what then why when I said when we said earlier do you believe in coincidences how come you went the other way because it's for the show just for

Speaker 2 comedy

Speaker 2 oh for comedy yeah

Speaker 2 but but but how crazy though right like I've

Speaker 2 no okay so I don't I believe in um

Speaker 2 I believe in sometimes the universe will send you these weird small things and you either do them or you totally ignore them, but they may not always come to fruition. Have you ever had that rude?

Speaker 2 Have you ever had something give you like a signal to do something and then you adhere to it? Or you're just so anti-everything?

Speaker 2 You're such an angsty little team. I know.
She's getting worse as time goes on. Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, but Atikalaila and Titubabi were talking about my real dad. And then after two weeks, he called

Speaker 3 after many years.

Speaker 2 And then, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's the only thing that was a coincidence.

Speaker 2 They were talking about him and he called. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's kind of creepy. Yeah, so because you hadn't talked to him for how long?

Speaker 3 I talked to him when I was 10 and then he ignored me again.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Like you would call him and he wouldn't reach out back to you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's so mean. So mean.
It's your kid. I know.

Speaker 2 And why, though? Why? Is he had another family?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 did he like the other one more?

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Oh, don't say that and that one.
Well, if they're better, they're better.

Speaker 2 But they were better, obviously.

Speaker 2 Wait, he had another family in Korea? Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 How many kids? Two kids. Do you know who they are at all? No.
No. Never met him before.

Speaker 2 So when we, I remember bringing it up, I was out of the blue because I think I was like, I don't know what popped in my head, but I was like, I knew Giovanni, her stepdad. I love that guy.

Speaker 2 Giovanni? Is he Italian? No. No, that's just, you know.
Giovanni's in Italy. Filipinos, they have strange names.
That's an Italian name. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Giovanni's like X-Pro.

Speaker 2 They have like names that shouldn't. Are they named after golf balls? What is that? Yeah, no.
They have like names like Dilithium Crystal would be a name.

Speaker 2 I'm being real. They just, where do they get these names from? Campfire.
They just take an English word. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You literally can call some, hey, what's up, Campfire? He's like, oh, hey.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So.
He's my brother, Quadio. So I always thought to myself, I go, well, if and then I found out that Giovanni, you know what I mean, was Robisi.

Speaker 2 Giovanni Rubisi is for standards. Right, right.
And I go,

Speaker 2 what happened to your real dad? I asked, and we talked about her real dad. And all of a sudden, a couple of weeks later, he called out of nowhere.

Speaker 2 I talked to my real dad, my biological father, a couple of days ago, because my grandfather died two days ago. Are you happy? No, I feel sad about it.
He did. He passed away.
He was a great man.

Speaker 2 He passed away. Dominic.

Speaker 2 How did he die?

Speaker 2 Gunned down. No, no, how did he die? Don't make it a joke.
He got into a fist fight. Oh.
92.

Speaker 2 He got into a fist fight. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Over a parking spot.

Speaker 2 It's so funny. He's 92.
How do you think he died? He died from a fucking

Speaker 2 air. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I can't believe. You know, I talked to him.
I talked to him. This is true.
We went out to Palm Springs on

Speaker 2 Saturday.

Speaker 2 And I talked to him on Saturday and then went to Palm Springs. And I got to tell you,

Speaker 2 there is something. We're getting very serious on this podcast for some reason.
There is some. Rudy?

Speaker 2 There's something about when somebody knows they're going to die that they talk differently. Do you understand what I mean by that? No, I don't.

Speaker 2 He sounded different.

Speaker 2 Oh, my dad did the same thing. He sounded different.
You know what that dad said? Huh? I think I'm going to die.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, that's different. He just sounded, he sounded,

Speaker 2 dude, he sounded like, it was like a high amount of clarity, if you understand what I mean by that. But was he like...

Speaker 2 Was he analyzing his life? Was he well, you know,

Speaker 2 his kids were there with him all the time, right? My dad and brothers and sisters were there.

Speaker 2 But I think he he was just like really excited and happy to have like so much family around him during a shitty time. Yeah.
That I think you physically feel and you emote differently.

Speaker 2 But when you spoke on the phone, you wouldn't have told, you wouldn't have been able to say, this guy's going to die. You'd be like, he's in a great fucking mood.
Yeah, but check this out.

Speaker 2 If I was dying,

Speaker 2 I was an old man. Yeah, soon.
And I knew it was

Speaker 2 soon. And I knew I was going to die.
Right.

Speaker 2 And I could just kind of like.

Speaker 2 You might not 100% believe you're going to die. Right.
But then in your head, you must think it's a possibility. Because you're old, right? You got to know.
You got to know.

Speaker 2 And if I had friends and family around,

Speaker 2 I wouldn't talk to Juliana, this one, the same way as I do. Right.
Right? Like, fucking clean that or pick that up.

Speaker 2 Who are you talking to? You know what I mean? That kind of thing. I would probably say stuff like, you know what, Jules?

Speaker 2 It's been a real pleasure. You would.
Yeah. And I, you know, I'm so glad I met you.
Because family matters. Yeah.
And I would say that to everyone around me.

Speaker 2 I would go, even you, I'd be like, you know, aside from all the, yeah. No.
I'll tell you what I would say. What? You're on your deathbed right now.
Do it.

Speaker 2 Lay down like you're on your deathbed.

Speaker 2 There it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would say this. I would say,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 Andrew, growing up, I always felt different. And I, you know, even when I had friends, I just didn't really completely identify with them.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 as I got older and I followed my dreams as a comic and stuff like that, I felt like I met my people.

Speaker 2 And,

Speaker 2 you know, when I met you, you know,

Speaker 2 it literally felt like I'd known you all my life and that

Speaker 2 you and I are like,

Speaker 2 you know, souls that knew each other in previous lives. That's what it felt like.
And I just want to say that it was a real pleasure. And I also think that you're a really talented guy.

Speaker 2 And it makes me feel, you know, it makes me feel talented that people like you, right, talented people, you may want to be around me and work with me. And working with you was a pleasure.

Speaker 2 I learned a lot. And I have to say, man, I love you.
I love you too. I would say something like that.
That's so nice.

Speaker 2 How does it feel?

Speaker 2 I mean, it moved me. No, now

Speaker 2 I challenge you to say something as moving.

Speaker 2 I'm on my deathbed. Yes, I challenge you.
Yeah. You walk into my hospital room.
But try to be real, because that's what I would really say.

Speaker 2 Andy.

Speaker 2 Dude.

Speaker 2 Hey, fuck.

Speaker 2 Andy, it's me, Bob.

Speaker 2 Bob.

Speaker 2 Bob, thanks for coming.

Speaker 2 That's been so long.

Speaker 2 We recorded two weeks ago. What do you I know?

Speaker 2 I can't believe you let Jules drive it.

Speaker 2 She hit me so hard with the priest.

Speaker 2 But it's okay, I forgive her.

Speaker 2 And I want to take this moment to say, say what I want to say to you.

Speaker 2 Bobby,

Speaker 2 Bobby,

Speaker 2 you

Speaker 2 light up my life.

Speaker 2 You give me. Let me have my fucking moment.
Sorry. Bobby.

Speaker 2 Just the breaks.

Speaker 2 Bobby. Yeah, go ahead.
I'm here. I've always thought

Speaker 2 that you were

Speaker 2 the the

Speaker 2 Bob.

Speaker 2 I'm gone by then. You're gone? Yeah, yeah.
I faked it. No, I'm in the car already.
Okay, honestly, that's what I really would say to you. You know what? Can I just

Speaker 2 be so insulting what you're doing? You know what I would say to you? Be real. You know what I'd say to you? Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 You're all right, kid.

Speaker 2 You're all right, you don't have it in you. I would say

Speaker 2 you really would say thanks for it. You don't have it in you.
I would say thanks. To be real and heartfelt.
No, because yours was so nice.

Speaker 5 We are going to play a quiz game again, trivia, about St. Patrick's Day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, of course, because if I don't win this,

Speaker 2 yeah, I'm going to be so pissed off.

Speaker 2 It's best, I mean, it's first to what? Three?

Speaker 2 Five. Five.

Speaker 5 Five. So, and you guys...

Speaker 2 I don't know anything. I'll ask a question.
I don't know anything about St. Patrick's Day.
Yes, you do. We've talked about it on the show before.

Speaker 2 I don't know the history. I don't know where it's from.
I don't know why they're doing it. Well, it's from Ireland.
You know that. Okay.
Well,

Speaker 5 we can do a trial round if you guys want to.

Speaker 2 No, just let us know what we're going to do. Let's start and play it.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 5 So, we're going to start with Rudy.

Speaker 2 Rudy.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait, wait. You don't ask the question.
We all buzz. What's the buzzer's number then?

Speaker 5 Because you guys can still... If she doesn't know the answer, you guys can fight to still.

Speaker 2 Rudy,

Speaker 5 of which country is San Patrick the Patreon Saint?

Speaker 2 Ireland. Correct.

Speaker 5 One point for Rudy.

Speaker 2 It's like he sets it up for her just to win every time. If I can get a softball one like that, I'm gonna fucking kill you.

Speaker 5 What did St. Patrick believe a shambrock represented?

Speaker 2 Luck.

Speaker 2 You don't have to buzz. That's not correct.

Speaker 2 Read the question again.

Speaker 5 What did Sampatrick believe a shambrock represented?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost. Correct.

Speaker 5 The Holy Trinity.

Speaker 2 The Holy Trinity.

Speaker 2 Okay. Hell yeah, I got a stolen point from Bob.
Now it's my question. Yes.
Andrew. God bless, by the way.
God bless.

Speaker 5 What are the odds of finding a four-leaf clover?

Speaker 2 What are the odds of finding a four-leaf clover?

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 one in a hundred thousand.

Speaker 2 Bobby? Zero percent.

Speaker 2 They don't exist.

Speaker 2 Okay, Rudy? They do. They do? Yeah.
Rudy? What kind of question is it? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Um.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Can I answer again? No, you did one. You're done.
She has to go. One in four.
No, that's no. Okay.

Speaker 3 One in five thousand.

Speaker 5 No, but you are closer. It's one in ten thousand.
So we're gonna give it to you. Two point, Rudy.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, Andres, Spanish bitch. Rudy,

Speaker 5 which U.S. city dices River Green annually to celebrate Sam Patrick's Day?

Speaker 2 What? Um,

Speaker 5 I don't know, San Francisco.

Speaker 2 She has to answer. She just did, San Francisco.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Bobby, Philadelphia. Nope.

Speaker 2 Nope. Okay, we're out of time.
Nobody. No, it's mine.
I get to answer. Sorry, no.
Chicago, Illinois. Chicago, I get to fucking give you the points.

Speaker 2 You'll get it. Yes, I fucking do.
Fuck you. That's what this is all about.
I got it, Andres. You know I did.

Speaker 5 Well, yes, but it got in late, you know?

Speaker 2 What the fuck do you mean? What the fuck do you mean? If they don't get it right, then we get a chance to answer. And he buzzed in.
You know what? That's true. He gets it.
No, but you. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Do it again.

Speaker 2 Bobby.

Speaker 5 What are the three colors of the Irish flag?

Speaker 2 White, green, and orange. Correct.
Yes. You don't need a buzz.
Oh, I don't. Well.
I I get a point. Yes.
Okay. You have one.
Okay.

Speaker 5 Andrew, how many churches and cathedrals are named after Saint Patrick in Ireland?

Speaker 2 Oh my god, fuck you.

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 2 112.

Speaker 2 Bobby? 312.

Speaker 2 2,000.

Speaker 5 Okay, I don't think I'm. You guys get this point.
60.

Speaker 2 60. I'm closest.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 two off. Two off.

Speaker 2 Chew off,

Speaker 2 dude. I'm gonna fucking call ice on you.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna call fucking ice. You're going back to Spain, bitch.

Speaker 2 You keep, he's got fucking attitude. Do you notice that? It's it's insane.
He's gonna get fired.

Speaker 2 How do I call ice? Can you call ice? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Ready?

Speaker 5 Okay, fill in the blank. Blank, me, I'm Irish.

Speaker 2 Blank, me, I'm Irish.

Speaker 5 You have to fill fill in the blank.

Speaker 2 How about the blank part?

Speaker 2 What? Um,

Speaker 2 I'm actually calling him.

Speaker 3 George, George,

Speaker 2 me, I'm Irish.

Speaker 2 George, me, I'm Irish. God, you are so dumb.

Speaker 2 Fuck me, I'm Irish. No, it's kiss me, I'm Irish.

Speaker 2 I guess that point, too. I literally just called Ice the homeline security line.
They're getting you deported, dude. Andre.
You got the point, Andrew. Yeah, but I've had fucking eight points.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 And you said we're tied? All right, so

Speaker 2 you're winning.

Speaker 2 By a lot. No, three, two, two.
You're winning. Buy more than a win.
No, you're not. Now keep going.
I got Chicago. I got the Holy Trinity.

Speaker 2 Too late.

Speaker 2 Bobby.

Speaker 5 According to the legend, what animal did St. Patrick chase out of Ireland?

Speaker 2 A troll.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 2 Okay. Don't stop that or I'm going to leave.
Go ahead. Rudy?

Speaker 2 A rabbit. Stop that!

Speaker 2 Snakes!

Speaker 5 Yes, yeah,

Speaker 2 you know, I'm getting all these right, Andrew. Yeah,

Speaker 5 what year did the annual Shambrock ceremony in the White House start?

Speaker 2 1976, 1980.

Speaker 3 1974.

Speaker 2 Fucking correct!

Speaker 2 Good,

Speaker 5 really, really good guess, Rudy.

Speaker 2 All right, enough. Enough.
Somebody has to clean that. Okay.
Yeah, they do. Oh, my God.

Speaker 5 Bobby.

Speaker 5 What city in the Sinalogue Santo Nino Festival held every year?

Speaker 2 What city is the Cinco?

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 5 Sinologue Santo.

Speaker 2 Sinologue? Sinologue what?

Speaker 5 Sinologue Santo.

Speaker 2 Sinologue Santo.

Speaker 2 Silent Festival. I'm not done.
Brazil.

Speaker 2 No. Sao Paulo.
No. Rudy? Cebu.

Speaker 2 Correct.

Speaker 2 So annoying. He does questions just for her.

Speaker 2 Can we do a competition right now that's not fucking St. Patrick's Day related? St.
Patrick's Day. I know, but let's just do another one about like Godzilla or something that we might want to.

Speaker 5 What about Star Trek?

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's do one on Star Trek. Well, I'm never going to get anything right now.

Speaker 2 I don't know about anything about Star Trek. Star Trek, go ahead.

Speaker 5 How many movies are in the Star Trek franchise?

Speaker 2 Oh my god, that's so hard. Seven.
No, there's way more. Including Next Generation?

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Nerd. This is such nerd shit.

Speaker 2 I'm drinking another beer.

Speaker 2 I would say

Speaker 2 10. It's probably 12.
No.

Speaker 3 11.

Speaker 5 Well, Rudy's the closest. 13.

Speaker 2 Told you. I said I should have said 12.

Speaker 5 And this is it. So Rudy wins.
Okay, good.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend. Fuck you.
I'm done. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 I guess that's that.

Speaker 2 Hey!

Speaker 2 I'm doing a couple of dates, okay? I'm filling out the calendar a little bit for the fall, but right now I've got Salt Lake City, which is almost all sold out, if not sold out, and we're adding shows.

Speaker 2 And also, Addison Improv, which is one of your favorites. I love it.
Place near Dallas. People are like, is it a four-foot girl?

Speaker 2 If you can drive there, go to andrewsantino.com for tickets, andrewsantino.com for those tickets.