Podcast Wars!

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Speaker 2 Hey! Guess what, man? What's up, man?

Speaker 2 Oh, we got the new merch. Click the thing that belongs.
Look below in the merch bar. Or

Speaker 2 go to badfriendsmerch.com. Or click the thing below.
Or click the thing below.

Speaker 2 Do it.

Speaker 2 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 I think I'm an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Can you see this on my face? You see this welt? I got a bug bite on my face. It's normally that color, though.
No, but look at how swollen this looks. I honestly can't tell the difference.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. Can you tell, Rude? Right here? Right here? No.
Oh, well, I put ice on it all day.

Speaker 2 Your face is all fucked up. Yeah.
Yeah, 24-7.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Look who's talking.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Look who's talking.

Speaker 2 Have you really got a welt on your face? You can't see right here? I do.

Speaker 2 First of all, what?

Speaker 2 Hey, why? What's wrong with you today? Honestly, this has been tripping me out all day. It looks weird, but it's like you look, you know what you look like? I feel like a villain, like Two-Face.

Speaker 2 What is this?

Speaker 2 This is a gift from, I think it's

Speaker 2 Sal Vulcan and Chrissy D. Sal and Chrissy, Chris DeStefano.
Sal Volcano and Chris DeStefano. No.
Yeah. Don't know him.
What is it? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 it's a bag of shit.

Speaker 2 Let me see.

Speaker 2 What is it? It's a bag of shit. It's a bag of shit.
Why would they... Let me see.

Speaker 2 Is there a note there? Oh, there is. Well, you have to get the note out.
Open it up. Does it smell? No, I can't.
Been pooing on whom. What?

Speaker 2 What does this say? I don't know.

Speaker 2 It says...

Speaker 2 It says, you have been pooped on. Want to know by whom?

Speaker 2 Turn over. Turn over.

Speaker 2 No, I don't know. I mean, well, we know.
It says happy.

Speaker 2 Is that Valentine's Day? Happy anniversary. That's our happy anniversary.
Oh, that's our anniversary gift.

Speaker 2 That's nice from the boys. Thanks, Sal Volcano.
And Chris is sent me. Hey, babe, their new show, hey, babe.
Human shit. Yeah.
Is this human shit? Yeah, it's got to be. Let me see.

Speaker 2 Okay, how about this? How about this? Let's eat it. No, nothing.
Eat it. Oh, come on.
Grow up. I don't want to eat it.
Let's smell it, though. Okay.
Smell it? I will. Open it up.

Speaker 2 God, that looks so repulsive. The fact fact that the USP, this is why they're closing down, because they'll send anything.

Speaker 2 No way. It's poop.

Speaker 2 Oh, the bag is wet. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at my hands are all pooped.

Speaker 2 What is sanitizer going to do? What is sanitizer going to do? Oh, my God. What? Smell it.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It's so gross.
It's so gross. It's not shit, though.
No, what do do you mean? But it's something gross.

Speaker 2 So we got to send them something. Yeah, but we should really get something.
Yeah, I want to send them something. You got shit.
Oh, she got it all over her hands.

Speaker 2 We should really poop in a bag.

Speaker 2 We should really do it. I'll poop in a bag for real and send it.
Me too. Want to fuck around East Coast? Yeah.
Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, really? New York? Yeah.
Oh, really? New York?

Speaker 2 You think you can fuck with us? It's not just New York. Did it get on your clothes? No.
Okay, good. Are you okay? Give me the hand, Sandy, for her.
Slide? Bad slide.

Speaker 2 Heads up, coming at you, Sanny. One, two, coming at you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We're going to send them poop in a bag for real. You don't get to send us poop in a bag.
But Sal and Chris have a podcast? Yeah, it's called Hey Babe.

Speaker 2 But I thought him and the Greek guy had one. No more.
Sadly, History Hayan is gone. Oh.
They each have independent podcasts now. So Sal and Chris has one, and it's called Hey Babe.
Hey, Babe.

Speaker 2 Okay. Hey, Babe.
It's called Hey, Babe. And they just started?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's on their fifth or sixth or seventh or eighth. Let's bury them.
Well, that show will never catch up to this. I mean, there's no way.
We're going to bury them, though. We really do.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because that's rude. That's rude that they started a podcast trying to be like us? No, but that's rude that they would send us a bag of shit.

Speaker 2 I think they're trying to start a mini-war, but they don't know who they're fucking with. It's so funny because I've had other people try to do that for me.

Speaker 2 You know who did it at first? Donnell.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? He started his, right? He started

Speaker 2 making memes of me. Look how fat it Bobby is, you know what I mean? And all that stuff.
And I was like, I'm not going to fucking bite. It's not going to work down now.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I've been watching, dude? Oh, my God. Have you heard of the Vietnam War?

Speaker 2 Is it a movie? No, no, no. The real thing.
Yeah, the Vietnam War? Yeah. To the best of my account, the Vietnam War was over sugar cane.
No, it wasn't. From 1960.

Speaker 2 No, let's be honest, because I've been watching it. So let me see if you know really.
What do you mean you've been watching what? A documentary about the war?

Speaker 2 Well, Ken Burns is a documentary filmmaker that I love. Everyone loves Ken Burns.
Right, so Ken Burns, right, made a Vietnam War documentary series. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I've seen it twice, but I'm re-watching it. It's really riveting.
Who narrates it? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Ooh, ooh, God.

Speaker 2 What are we here for?

Speaker 2 Absolutely nothing. Say it again.

Speaker 2 Ooh, God. Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Here we

Speaker 2 fear for absolutely nothing. Say it again.

Speaker 2 The music, right?

Speaker 2 It was my haze. All in my mind.
All in my mind.

Speaker 2 Whatever. That's it.
Right, right. All that music is so good.
Yeah, because the best music came from tragedy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but then how come everybody spent four years talking bad about how Trump was the worst person on earth? And we didn't make any good music. One song came out of it.
What song? Fuck Donald Trump.

Speaker 2 You know that song, right? Hey, fuck Donald Trump. You've heard that.
That song. But nobody made other good music.
They were like, it's the worst. This is the worst four years ever.

Speaker 2 You're like, then why is no good art coming out?

Speaker 2 This should have spawned good art because the best art came from tough times. Yeah, that's true.
The 60s and 70s, the race riots, civil war. I mean,

Speaker 2 civil war. The race riots,

Speaker 2 civil unrest is what I mean that was going on.

Speaker 2 You've got feminism's birth, the Vietnam War, all this stuff clashing. Watergate.
Watergate. All this stuff happening.

Speaker 2 But Watergate was later.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, Watergate was in the 70s? Yeah, but Vietnam War.

Speaker 2 I'm talking about that chunk of time. Like from the 60s.
So that decade.

Speaker 2 I would say two, from 60, from 60 to 1960s was crazy because of all the deaths. Yeah.
Right. And

Speaker 2 the serial killers started to kind of emerge in the 60s. Yeah, the legendless ones.
The legends came out. Shout out to the cool serial killers.

Speaker 2 No, but we had.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 So we had.

Speaker 2 Did you see that documentary about the Cecil Hotel? I know. Yes.
Yes. You saw it? Well, because I talked to Maddie Matheson about it.
You guys talked about it. We've all been talking about it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. He was texting Matheson.
The fat idiot chef that you had on that show. The fat guy, the fat chef.
He's not.

Speaker 2 Also, by the way, he's not fat. I know.
He's

Speaker 2 rotund. Right.
He's rotund. Thicky, thicky, thick.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
But he looks like the Kool-Aid man. Yeah, but

Speaker 2 anybody that wants to watch a good documentary should watch the Vietnam War one because of the fact that it was just bonkers, man. It's nuts, right?

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 No, but I'm just saying, like, that's the thing that...

Speaker 2 How did it start? Let me ask you. The Vietnam War?

Speaker 2 The Vietnam War was started, honestly, a small argument in a chess game. We were at bad friends.
We'd love to talk about history. We would also like to point out that we don't read books.

Speaker 2 While convincing to some, the following information is utter nonsense, disguised as fact.

Speaker 2 That's true. Lyndon B.
Johnson. Yes.
He called, he called one of the

Speaker 2 one of the leaders of Vietnam, because they have leaders. Yeah.
He called him a

Speaker 2 bitch. And who's the most famous leader of North Vietnam? He's very famous.

Speaker 2 Pad Thai.

Speaker 2 Isn't it Chicken Pad Thai? Yeah, Chicken Pad Thai. Chicken Pad Thai was one of them.
One of them, but the other general. And the other

Speaker 2 General Cao. Cao, Ciao.
Ciao Cao. Depends on how you want to say it.
And what was his assistant? Mango Sticky Rice. Mango Sticky Rice, yeah.
I loved him. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Vietnam War was a war we didn't belong in. It wasn't.
But tell me why it started.

Speaker 2 Why it started? Yeah. Why any war starts? How? Land.

Speaker 2 You don't know. It's all about land.
You don't know.

Speaker 2 You really don't know. It's about land.
It's not about land. It's about religion and land.

Speaker 2 It kind of. Every war is about religion and land.
I know, but you don't really know. You're just throwing out like blankets.

Speaker 2 Because the Vietnamese, right? The Viet Cong, first of all.

Speaker 2 Wow. The Viet Cong

Speaker 2 was having a coup and uprising against the government, right? We stepped in

Speaker 2 and we took them down.

Speaker 2 I'm going to come in here, Viet Cang. That's all what happened.
Wong Chang.

Speaker 2 What really happened was in Vietnam, the Vietnamese War was not our war, but we intervened. We intervened in the war.
That's right. We intervened in their war.

Speaker 2 We stepped in to help save part of the issue that was going on in Nepal.

Speaker 2 Everybody knows the Napolese.

Speaker 2 The Napolese were the incendiary

Speaker 2 partnership crew of the Vietnamese War. See, this is what you're doing.
See, Jules, take note. Learn.
Technology.

Speaker 2 She's not even here. I know.
Look at her. She's not even fucking.
She's a fucking gavel,

Speaker 2 right? What do you judge Judy all of a sudden? What the fuck are you doing? No, I was listening. What were you talking about? The Vietnam War.
No, yeah, right.

Speaker 2 Easy guess. Let me ask you about the Vietnam War.
We're always talking about the Vietnam War.

Speaker 2 I don't know how it started, but it's about communists and anti-communist and then the North and South. Very good.
Yeah. Closer.
No, I know. It's about North versus South, but not communism.

Speaker 2 One more, the other one.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 Racism. Well, that's always going to be there.
That's going to be there always. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 It's fine. Fascism.
Fascism.

Speaker 2 What it was about was.

Speaker 2 Were there Nazis? No, there was no Nazis. Because I think there was.

Speaker 2 You know how today people are saying that Trump supporters were not there. There was Nazis that were Trump supporters? How do you not know there weren't Nazis back then in Vietnam?

Speaker 2 There could have been a couple of Nazis rolling around. Essentially, the war is the Vietnamese trying to get from under an oppressive government rule.

Speaker 2 Colonization. So the French colonized Vietnam for 60 years.
Yeah, God bless. God bless the French.
J'a le bea la font. Qui puu, lev c si vivular que

Speaker 2 And obviously the Vietnamese, when you're occupied by a European nation,

Speaker 2 you want to have independence. By the way, the weakest.
How did France fuck you up?

Speaker 2 Get on the ground and I will hurt you.

Speaker 2 I hit you with a piece of cheese.

Speaker 2 You're naughty boy. Get on the ground.

Speaker 2 Bang, bang, boop, boop. I am Tafkai, France.
Weakest country in Western Europe. Go ahead.
That's fine.

Speaker 2 I'm just telling you what happened. It is true.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then a little thing called World War II happened.

Speaker 2 One of the coolest wars, by the way.

Speaker 2 Well, not as good as Vietnam, but pretty good. No way.
World War II was way cooler. World War II didn't have the music or the culture and black people.
I love black people.

Speaker 2 Because you know how they write stuff on their helmet? Right. Like.
This shit gnarly, dog.

Speaker 2 Are they Mexican and black? I don't know. This shit gnarly, eh?

Speaker 2 Hey, bro, fucking gnarly.

Speaker 2 That's a Mexican surfer. Hey, fucking Heng Ten Gnarly.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because they would write messages on their helmet. Right.
Like, I would put like a question mark. Is it hot in here? It's not.
We're doing fine.

Speaker 2 I want to teach you about the Vietnam War. Oh, please, please, please.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 World War II came along. See, but dude, when they were being occupied by France,

Speaker 2 dudes left.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, who left? Just Vietnamese citizens escaped the country. Right, they fled.
They fled. They were like, we're out of here.
One dude that left was a young dude. His name is Ho Chi Minh.

Speaker 2 Right. Made a trail.
Right. So he was like the main dude.

Speaker 2 Ho Chi Minh's trail was the freedom trail for Vietnamese, similar to the Underground Railroad.

Speaker 2 It was a trail that you could go through Cambodia and whatnot to bring supplies to the South. Was it well marked? Well, they would bombard it, right?

Speaker 2 Americans would fly over it and try to destroy some of these pathways. But the Asians, we have good work ethic.
Very good. You rebuild stuff.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? I'll build another bridge. Right? And they just built a bridge.
You know what I mean? Blow it up again. I'll build another one.
You know what I mean? Why is that?

Speaker 2 Why are you guys so good at rebuilding? We're good at rebuilding.

Speaker 2 Japan was rebuilt in like 60 days. What? I think after the bombing of Hiroshima Nagasaki, like 60 days later.
Because the Godzilla, too.

Speaker 2 When he's wrecking through town. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Godzilla, he's knocking over buildings. Months were fucked it up.
Yep.

Speaker 2 Like Montha would burn down a fucking town and they were like, oh, let's build it. You'd have to build it again.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it true that the children?

Speaker 2 Name me another monster from the Godzilla universe.

Speaker 2 There's a third one that's very famous. There's actually two more that are very famous.
Two more? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So you have Mothra, Godzilla. What's the other one?

Speaker 2 Andreas?

Speaker 2 What kind of fucking monster is that? He's like a sensitive little Spanish.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I put your building down. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I put your building down. No, there was Rodan.
Oh, Rodan. Do you remember Rodan? Yeah, I do.
Okay. So anyway.
Are you going to see that Godzilla versus King Kong?

Speaker 2 Did you see the trailer? It could. It looks pretty cool.
I know, but. I want to see it.
There was one right before it called The King of Monsters. I know.
You see that one? Yeah. Terrible.

Speaker 2 It wasn't terrible. It just wasn't.

Speaker 2 It wasn't good. It wasn't good at that.
But visually it was kind of cool. The 2014

Speaker 2 Godzilla movie was great. It was awesome.
Why? Why was it good? Yeah. It's just a good movie.
I don't know. Great casting.
Well, Cranston and it was. Actors were good.
Brian Cranston was in it.

Speaker 2 The story was actually okay. Right.
The story was great. I'll tell you why.

Speaker 2 It all boils down to not revealing Godzilla. You know what I mean? You can't just have him.
In the first shot. He made him very mysterious.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The first shot of Godzilla, I think, full shot, was in that Hawaiian scene where they were throwing out those flares. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And the

Speaker 2 camera would follow the flares. Yes, I remember that.
Go over Godzilla's body. And it looked like a little

Speaker 2 bit of a break. Right.
And he would get shot. He would be.

Speaker 2 He would flick the house.

Speaker 2 And so

Speaker 2 that's what I liked about that one. But then King of Monsters was just

Speaker 2 monsters and monsters, and you're constantly seeing them. There's no mystery to them.

Speaker 2 You think with creatures of great size or any kind of... You think it's cooler when we don't show it? Yeah.
It's sexier. What was the...
In a horror movie, it's the same

Speaker 2 thing. It's like in hereditary, right? They would have a wide shot

Speaker 2 and you wouldn't really know exactly what you were looking at but you knew that you were scared yeah there was no like music to there was no what what would they call them scare um what they call them jump scares what jump scares jump scares yeah you know how they use music i know yum scares he went to film school i know he did i know and i didn't like his tone yeah oh he was

Speaker 2 yeah he went he went like his he upped his mic and he went Yum scared.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like an asshole. So cocky.
So cocky. Right, but they let you sit in silence with a wide shot, which, because, and here's what your eyes are doing the whole time.

Speaker 2 You're searching to find on the screen where the thing is. And then maybe you'd see the corner of the screen.

Speaker 2 What is that? What is that? Yeah, and it's just a doll sitting on a fucking, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's nothing. It's just, it's been there the whole time.
You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a normal doll. It's just a doll.

Speaker 2 When they do that, when they make you find it. Yeah.
Oh, that's sexy. It's so good.
It's so creepy. It's so good.
So, you know, that's what I like about horror movies as well.

Speaker 2 Like, I just don't reveal it. I made a movie, a feature film, a horror film that is coming out next week.
This is real. And I wanted to show you the trailer.
Okay. Yeah.
And see what you guys think.

Speaker 2 All right. By the way, you know what this means? He's like,

Speaker 2 this is not for us. He wants to plug it on our show.
He's going to plug it. Also, I'm a little mad that we weren't in it or a part of it at all.
I wasn't able to audition or read for it.

Speaker 2 You know when he told me about it? When?

Speaker 2 Today. He's like, when did you shoot this? A couple of years ago.
Oh, so he wasn't on. on, yeah, but he could have thought about us.
Yeah, I know he did. He could have at least thought about it.

Speaker 2 He knew who we were. We were.
Yeah, if there's people in it I know, though, I might'm gonna be pissed. Snap, play the trailer.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Oh, you got signed by vertical. Seriously? Yeah, that's great.
Oh, that's great. All right, let's play it.

Speaker 2 Dad,

Speaker 2 go get your tools. We'll meet you in the truck.

Speaker 2 I like him. Derek?

Speaker 2 By the way, that could have been me.

Speaker 2 I'm looking for directions to Shochum Hills. He never heard of them.
Love him, that could have been me. Yep.
What are you expecting to find here?

Speaker 2 Even with a great fire, people don't just disappear.

Speaker 2 Something else happened.

Speaker 2 What are you doing here?

Speaker 2 We shouldn't be here.

Speaker 2 When I'm gone,

Speaker 2 why do you need private security for a scientific expedition?

Speaker 2 Aiden Kanto.

Speaker 2 Say from what? Jonathan Sadowski. Two people I know.

Speaker 2 Pissed off. Hearing something down there.
How is that? Jonathan Sadowski.

Speaker 2 What? What happened? Turn it up. Listen to this.

Speaker 2 What is that? This doesn't feel right.

Speaker 2 What was that thing? How long has this been open?

Speaker 2 We do security and protection work. What is it you protect? You.

Speaker 2 He took my son, and I've been fighting him ever since.

Speaker 2 Listen. What is that? I hear something.

Speaker 2 No matter what you do, don't let him grab you.

Speaker 2 Get me out of here! Jamie, get down!

Speaker 2 No, no! I got you!

Speaker 2 Directed by who?

Speaker 2 Brad Parker. Who the fuck's Brad Parker? He did a movie called Viter Novel Diaries.
Well, I thought you said you directed this. No, I produced it.

Speaker 2 Okay. What's your name on it?

Speaker 2 Stop, stop, don't move, because I'm looking at all the names there. Oh, the Hondra.
There he is. Andres from Senda.
Thank you, Bobby. Oh, Andres.

Speaker 2 Produced by Julio Halves, Diego Halves brothers. Yeah.
Alejandro De Leon. Yeah.
Andres. And Andres is last.
He's last. Last is always the most important one.
So you produced that. Yep.

Speaker 2 Can we get the location on that warehouse? Yeah. You know what I mean? That's making that phone call.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 How much can we get it for? Well, how about 800 a day? How about 750? You got got a deal. You got a deal.
And then all of a sudden, can I get my name on the fucking poster? Fine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Andre, that's what he did. Yeah.
I'm going for a coffee run. Did anybody want me?

Speaker 2 All right. Yeah, I'll take a matcha latte.

Speaker 2 Can I say this? It looked good.

Speaker 2 But also, did I call it out? Look at I called it out. Jonathan Zadowski, who I know very well.
Aiden Canto was in the first sitcom I ever did.

Speaker 2 Wow. Little rude.
Little rude. Little rude.

Speaker 2 Legend. Will Patton.
Legend.

Speaker 2 It looks really good, though. It actually looks really, really good.
How can people see this, Andres?

Speaker 2 On March 5th, this is coming out. iTunes and everything.
Let him plug it on. iTunes, March 5th.
You guys go watch The Devil Below. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That looks great, Dres. That looks great, dude.
Honestly, brother. Congratulations.
March 5th, everyone, go watch that March 5th

Speaker 2 from your home for the comfort of your home. Did you get funding for that? Or

Speaker 2 how are you a producer on this? Creative. I developed this script for a couple of years, and then I partnered with a producer who had a film fun attached so we found it like that way it was

Speaker 2 those guys those those the the fund is from uh Holly Vis Brothers uh Mexico right Mexico are they the are they the are they the guys that are connected to Jose Cuervo

Speaker 2 no because there's two guys that are connected to that family that are big funders in Hollywood that have a lot of money what's their money from the the Holly's brothers they they don't have any money meaning like they they grind it out and and fund financiers in in LA And then I made another movie with them that is coming out probably later this year.

Speaker 2 But yeah,

Speaker 2 this is something that people aren't really aware of in the real world.

Speaker 2 Something that I'm privy to. You are, Andres knows more than all of us.

Speaker 2 Fans need to know this, though, that like there's a world of indie market movies that are really good movies, like this.

Speaker 2 Very well done, well produced, well written, good actors, but they get shuffled around because it takes so long to get money for them because the funding comes and goes.

Speaker 2 It's hard to find people that are willing to finance and keep their money in there. They need to have interests that have pre-sales, right?

Speaker 2 So like these guys, the Halvis brothers know Aiden Canto is an international sensation in the Spanish market. They can already pre-sell it in the Spanish market, right? That's why they do that.

Speaker 2 Then they get, what's the girl's name? Adriquezan. Alicia Sands.
Same thing, right?

Speaker 2 So these guys know, oh, if we can bait the Spanish market with this, then we can kind of fill it in as well with other names and that'll attract other people and then they'll grow in market markets.

Speaker 2 But what people don't know about this, and I'm being genuine, that's so impressive, is these are so fucking hard to get done.

Speaker 2 This is impossible. On paper, paper, it's impossible.
So I'm. So congrats, Andres.
Congrats, Andres.

Speaker 2 Because I'm attached to a movie that they're trying to get off the ground with

Speaker 2 some credible people, you know what I mean, involved. And they're having a difficult time financing.
It's so hard. Yeah.
And there's like huge producers and huge actors involved in it.

Speaker 2 And they're like, we're just finding financing. Okay, I've told the story before, but I'll do it fast.
I had a movie that we wrote that Channing Tatum was producing. Okay.
That you and Channing wrote?

Speaker 2 No, me and me and my writing partner, Nick. You know, Nick.
You know, Nikki. Yeah, Nikki.
Nikki who? Christ, you know, Nikki. Oh, the one who

Speaker 2 wants to audition for his movie? 100%.

Speaker 2 Didn't get it.

Speaker 2 You did get it, but they went with somebody else. You got it, but they went with someone else.
No,

Speaker 2 Stephen Yoon. He calls me and he says, just let me just say about Nick.
Okay. Okay.
Because I have to get this out. Say it.
He listens. He's listening.
I love him so much. Nick, I met Nick.

Speaker 2 He was producing a reality show or something, a game show. Probably, maybe, years ago.
Years ago on MTV or something. Yeah.
I met him that way.

Speaker 2 He's one of those kind of guys, once you see him, you just fake mouth kiss.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you want it. You want it.
Well, we do. We do.
We just do fake mouth kisses. He's like a funny guy.
He is very funny. He's just one of the funniest guys.
Yes. You can tell that he's hip.

Speaker 2 He's very cool. He calls me up and he goes, hey, I want you in my movie.
Like, fuck yeah, finally. You got to audition.
Yeah. But that wasn't his terms he didn't let us it wasn't his terms

Speaker 2 nick and i wrote this thing we had it with channing tatums company and it was cast already alexandra didario was going to be the girl

Speaker 2 who's fucking massive yeah right yeah lil'rell lilre howie wow rell was gonna be the other guy yeah yeah okay yeah already those people alone yeah right we had all of those elements channing tatum's company huge already had a deal with sony those two actors we had got signed on ourselves yeah took dadario to fucking chateau and outside just was like please do this fucking movie like we'll do anything you're perfect for and she was like like, I actually loved it.

Speaker 2 Sunked both of these people. We got financing.
I'm like, we're about to make, this is going to be incredible.

Speaker 2 This is the hardest year I've ever spent doing this. And the other two years writing it and perfecting it.
And then we get a call one day. They're like,

Speaker 2 I don't think Chan's going to be able to do it. I just don't think we're going to be able to do it.
We had some finance drop out. It's just, we can't finish it.
It's just not going to happen.

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Thanks, man. Are you really? Well, it's not done yet, but we're trying.
Yeah.

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Speaker 2 Back to the Vietnam War, though. Timeout.

Speaker 2 And there's no at Vietnam is on, where is it? Is on Netflix the documentary? I'll tell you about it on iTunes.

Speaker 2 It'd be cool if David Attenborough did it. I didn't can get it at Hulu.

Speaker 2 But anyway, let's go back to Vietnam with the Vietnamese storm their way through the jungle. So, met with great opposition from the Americans.
He is very good.

Speaker 2 Helping them out, wielding their weapons at bay.

Speaker 2 So, um, Ho Chi Man. Oh, right.
Ho Chi Man had a trail.

Speaker 2 How did he

Speaker 2 note the trail?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? How did people know that that was the path? Did he mark it like breadcrumbs for Hansel and Gretel? Did he leave little fortune cookies along the way? No.

Speaker 2 He's just, you know, like the 101.

Speaker 2 You know where the 101 is? Well, because it's a fucking freeway with signs. Yeah, and it's not as if it's like, there's dirt, roads.
But wait a minute. How do people know what Ho Chi Minh's Trail is?

Speaker 2 Besides,

Speaker 2 one says Ho Chi Minh's Trail, the other one says Sunset Boulevard. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's a street sign. So he

Speaker 2 hammered in Sunset. Yeah, yeah.
I get it. And it has a little arrow like, you know, Hanoi, 92,000 miles this way.
This way. Yeah, yeah.
yeah, there's like little signs.

Speaker 2 So, Ho Chi Minh's Trail got people to Cambodia to escape persecution. I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm just trying to learn.

Speaker 2 You're not listening, though.

Speaker 2 So, the Russians

Speaker 2 and the Chinese was funding North Vietnam because of communism, yes. Right.
So, by the way, USSR, shout out.

Speaker 2 So, hammer and sick. They would bring

Speaker 2 supplies and whatnot down the Ho Chi Minh Trail and whatnot. But what's fascinating about, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 Am I boring you? No, no, no. I love this.
I just think it's funny to hear like people at home listening to complete morons talking about history. No, I'm trying.
See, here's the thing.

Speaker 2 And I detest what you just said. You should.
Okay. Is people think that I'm a moron, right? Which I am.
You are. I'm obviously a moron.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But, you know, I still can watch stuff and absorb information. That's why I want you to feed me today.
And that's what I'm doing. Continue.

Speaker 2 Right, but then you're shaming me because I'm a fucking idiot. No, no, no.
We're idiots. This is just a two-way.
This is ACDC.

Speaker 2 crimes of idiocy. By the way, probably, you know, the info, first of all, this information that I'm telling you right now,

Speaker 2 I've been mumbling to myself, right, for eight hours because I want to talk about it. All right, let's keep going.
No, so I'm literally going, okay, no, that's not what happened. But let's keep going.

Speaker 2 You already fucked up my order. I didn't.
I didn't. So let me just get back.

Speaker 2 Get back, baby.

Speaker 2 It looks like Alfred Hitchcock is kissing your titty, by the way, and that shirt. It looks like he's kissing your tit, your right tit.

Speaker 2 That's Alvish Hitchcock?

Speaker 2 I'm kidding. No, a piece of you didn't know.
No, it's this Orson Welles theater here on the fucking page. That's Hitchcock.
That's Hitchcock's symbol. Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 Didn't know. Yeah, you said it.
Didn't know.

Speaker 2 I didn't know. You didn't know.
I didn't know. Did you think it was Orson Welles? Yeah.
That's so sad. I know, because this is Orson Welles

Speaker 2 cinema. Okay, teach me more about Vietnam.
Oh, God, I wish you didn't do that. You did that with that Scorpion's t-shirt.

Speaker 2 And now you did it with the Orson Welles. Mm-hmm.
Uh-huh. By the way,

Speaker 2 what's the kid's name? The

Speaker 2 Spaniard guy? What is his name? Fancy B. Fancy.

Speaker 2 When you saw that shirt, what did you think? When you saw his Hitchcock shirt, what did you think? I thought Bobby was really cool with Alfred Hitcher on it. See?

Speaker 2 Impressive.

Speaker 2 He likes you. I know he does.
As much as you don't like him, he likes you. What are you talking about? You do? Yeah, deeply.
Because he's a sweet guy. I love him.
Okay, I need to get back to learning.

Speaker 2 Are you paying attention?

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What have you learned so far about the Vietnam War? Yeah. Ho Ching Min Ho Chi Min's Trail.
Oh, get real. That's not.
What does that even mean? You're just repeating a thing that exists.

Speaker 2 You're not here.

Speaker 2 I am. I'm doing something so I can do it.
What are you doing? What are you doing?

Speaker 2 Picking on my nails. Yeah.
You know what she said earlier, too? Like, I go, get in the car and come over. She goes, I have to do my eyebrow.

Speaker 2 I go, what? I have to do my eyebrow. And I go, do it.
She's preparing for her future. She takes a fucking, I mean,

Speaker 2 you could be a threat or girl. Right.
And she's in the mirror going, I need to put eyebrow on my face.

Speaker 2 Wait, what is it? Do you paint your eyebrows? She has no eyebrows, she says. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's so mean in America. Yeah, so mean.
But also earlier in the day, but they look nice. They look great.
They look great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They look great.

Speaker 2 But today's a sad day for her, too. Why, why?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 we've been fostering homeless dogs. Yeah, no, I see it on the internet.
Right. The teeth, the picture of the dog's teeth that you posted? yeah.
You, what did you write? Cute, cute teeth or something?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it looks like a meth head's teeth. I know, exactly.

Speaker 2 So, what I was telling her, I go, because I didn't, we foster so many animals, these ones, I feel bad, but I didn't really want to get to know.

Speaker 2 Well, because no, that's not because you didn't want to lose them.

Speaker 2 Well, you know, I had the puppy four months ago, all right, I fell in love with that guy, yeah, got rid of him, yeah, right, um, made a little sandwich out of him, and it was

Speaker 2 Um, a little tenderloin, and then, um, then we had a uh

Speaker 2 what's the a German Shepherd?

Speaker 2 I love German Shepherds, so we had a beautiful German. He came in here, right?

Speaker 2 No, and here was the uh oh, no, yeah, yeah, it was that was the shepherd, yeah, yeah, so the German Shepherd, yeah, right.

Speaker 2 And luckily, the German Shepherd's at um Kalila's mother's house, they she took him in. Oh, that's awesome! So, we get to see her, and then they said, Um, so I'm flying in from Hawaii,

Speaker 2 And as I land at the airport, this is bullshit, by the way. I get a text,

Speaker 2 we have two new dogs. Anyway, you were in the plane, so I couldn't, you know, confirm it with you.
So we have them.

Speaker 2 So bullshit, right? Could have sent it before I left Hawaii. Exactly.
And number two, they go, it's homeless dogs. As soon as she said homeless dogs, that was out.
That was out.

Speaker 2 And I was telling her, right?

Speaker 2 They're between residences, dogs. Yeah, and I was telling her, though, I go, you know, if you wanted a roommate, right,

Speaker 2 would you want, you know,

Speaker 2 someone like us, you know what I mean? Someone part of society,

Speaker 2 or would you want a homeless person, right? Honestly, yeah, homeless guy. Why? Because he's going to appreciate it more.
Yeah, but he's not going to be able to pay rent.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 That's a problem. Well, you can put him to work.
Right. You can put him to work.
No. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I kind of lived with a homeless person in the late 90s. We were all homeless when we started comedy.
No, but I legitimate one. Yeah.
A legitimate one. His name was Dave.
We called him Hippy Dave.

Speaker 2 I like hippie Dave. Yeah, and hippie Dave stayed in our house in Silver Lake, but he used to do meth,

Speaker 2 and he used to clean our house with a

Speaker 2 toothbrush. And how clean was it? Great.
So I'm just saying. So if you put meth in there.
Drugs, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You got to have some drugs in there to clean up.

Speaker 2 By the way, we're not homeless shaming. We're not shaming anything.

Speaker 2 If you don't have a home, you are just as valued. And Bobby obviously would rather have someone who came from a home before.
I feel bad. Myself? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'd rather have I feel bad because my theory on the two dogs is probably wrong. Right.
Juliana, and I'm so sorry that I didn't

Speaker 2 get to know those dogs. You know,

Speaker 2 I just couldn't emotionally do it anymore because I get emotionally attached to these animals and give them away. See? And it really breaks me.
So

Speaker 2 today.

Speaker 2 Stop picking your nails. God damn it.
No, I'm listening.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So she's had a hard day.
A hard day. Because she's the sole provider of these dogs.
You're having a tough day because the dogs are gone. That makes me sad.

Speaker 2 That's not why. No, why?

Speaker 2 Huh?

Speaker 2 What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Are you on drugs? No, I'm listening. I need to focus on something so that I can be more focused on you.
Oh, really? By picking your nails? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So how do you feel about the dogs?

Speaker 2 Um, I feel sad, but

Speaker 2 when I saw the guy, he looked like he could like. he was trustworthy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, he was a New York comic. Oh, who was it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's friends with Gestefana, the one that gave us the shit earlier. Wait, really? Yeah.
And then he took which dog? Both of them.

Speaker 2 Oh, really?

Speaker 2 But you said earlier you liked his voice. Yeah.
Yeah. What did he sound like? Hey, forget about it, man.
Oh, he had that. He was forget about it.
Pizzeria? I got it. I got it.
I got it.

Speaker 2 You guys take off. You guys take off.
You're the best. Honestly, you're the best at impressions.
You know what, dude? That's New York. That's New York.

Speaker 2 I love. Do New York.
Hey, forget about it, man. Hey, forget about it.
Yeah, yeah. Say in a New York accent, where's the closest pizza spot? Hey, where's the closest pizza spot? Perfect.

Speaker 2 How do I get to the L-train?

Speaker 2 How do I get to the L-train?

Speaker 2 Bada boom, bada bing. That's how bada boom, bada bing is a code.
You gotta throw in those.

Speaker 2 Forget about it. You gotta say that.

Speaker 2 Forget

Speaker 2 about it. Forget about it.
Forget about it. Forget about it.
Hey, forget about it. I can't do voices.
It's a run-on.

Speaker 2 It's so funny because they would, when I was on that TV, they would go, Can you play an Irish guy? I go, No. Let's hear your Irish accent.
Do what I'll try to mimic it. Well,

Speaker 2 Ireland kind of sounds like,

Speaker 2 oh, that was close. Pretty good.
Like Conor McGregor. Connector McGregor.

Speaker 2 All you have to do is speak fast enough. Connor McGregor.
Conor McGregor. Oh, it's Connor McGregor.
Oh, it's Conor McGregor.

Speaker 2 Conor McGregor. Oh, there he is.
That's Conor McGregor. Oh, there he is.
Oh, he's

Speaker 2 quite a fighter. Oh, there he is.
Connect McGregor. Up at the end.
Conor McGregor.

Speaker 2 Quite a fighter. There he is.
Connor McGregor.

Speaker 2 That's so good.

Speaker 2 Say

Speaker 2 quite a fighter.

Speaker 2 Quite a fighter.

Speaker 2 Quite a fighter. Quite a fighter.

Speaker 2 Quite a fighter. Quite a crew.
At some point now, you're going back to Asian and you're like, quite a fighter.

Speaker 2 Quite a fighter.

Speaker 2 You do it. No.
Yeah, try it. Try.

Speaker 2 I'm so bad. No, you did almost just terrible.
He did a great job.

Speaker 2 Say, Connor McGregor. Say, it's Connor.
Oh, it's Connor McGregor. No, it's so hard.
It's not. No, it's it.
You have to do it.

Speaker 2 You have to do it. Can I say Mary Ann? No.
You can say, oh, look, it's Marianne. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Go. Oh, look.

Speaker 2 Oh, look in the corner. It's Mary Ann.

Speaker 2 Oh, um.

Speaker 2 It's so hard.

Speaker 2 To try. Oh, look, it's Marianne.
No, I'm just going to say the name. Okay, go on.
Go on.

Speaker 2 Marianne.

Speaker 2 That's really good. Marianne.

Speaker 2 Marianne.

Speaker 2 Oh, look, it's Marianne. Oh, it's Connor McGregor.
Say that real fast. Oh, Oh, it's Conor McGregor.
Oh, it's Conor McGregor. Perfect.

Speaker 2 Perfect.

Speaker 2 That's good. Give me another accent.

Speaker 2 Can you do, let's, can you do? Can you do Canada? Do it do it. Well, I'm from Canada.
Up here, we have big moose.

Speaker 2 I'm from Canada, eh? It's always Asian with you.

Speaker 2 I resent that because of the fact, I think you're just looking at my face. Well, let me close my eyes and do it.
Ready?

Speaker 2 So repeat after me. Go, up here in Canada,

Speaker 2 drink molson. We drink molson.
Yeah, no, now you're Irish and Asian.

Speaker 2 Do fancies, do Spanish.

Speaker 2 I'll have to repeat it. I'm good at mimicking.

Speaker 2 Let him speak and then mimic what he says.

Speaker 2 Hey, guys, how you doing? Hey, guys, how you doing? No, give him a real phrase. Give him something that he can hold on to.

Speaker 2 I love Andrew so much. His comedy is much better than mine.

Speaker 2 I like Andrew so much. His comedy is much better than mine.
See, that's good. That's close.

Speaker 2 You think we? That's really good.

Speaker 2 No, I'm serious. That's a a little closer to Mexican than Spanish.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's good.
I like Andrew's comedy much better than mine. Perfect.
Yeah, thank you. That's perfect.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you do it.

Speaker 2 I like Andrew's comedy. No, Andres is.

Speaker 2 Very good.

Speaker 2 Okay, timeout. I want to go back because I still need to learn about Vietnam.

Speaker 2 We stopped at Ho Chi Minh.

Speaker 2 Ho Chi Minh. It was basically what Vietnam was: the unwinnable war.

Speaker 2 For America. Yeah, you had no chance.
No matter how many people we fucking threw in there, soldiers, right? First of all, the kids that we sent there were 17, 18.

Speaker 2 Not only were they young, obviously, but they were always low-income kids, usually minorities. You know what I mean? Poor white people, poor Italians, you know, just poor people.
Poor people.

Speaker 2 Poor people.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 they were...

Speaker 2 My uncle. Really? Yeah, he was a NOM.

Speaker 2 Did he die? He's alive. Not only is he alive, the only thing he took back from Nom was a severe heroin addiction.
So it turned out pretty good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, seriously, that's real.
And he smoked unfiltered Palmols. Do you know what that is? Yeah.
Unfiltered. He was smoking.
Insane. That's just smoking your just, you're just, it's.

Speaker 2 You're smoking cancer. Yep.
You're smoking cancer.

Speaker 2 Yep. So, um...
But what was, I mean, imagine being, you know, you're 18, 19 years old. And

Speaker 2 you're, I mean, imagine what we were doing at 18 19 we were like should I go what am I gonna do go to college what's going on with my life what's getting drunk and so

Speaker 2 but imagine like picking up organs of your friend

Speaker 2 right and putting it in body bags while like the Viet Cong is just shooting at you yeah I mean it's just insane and you're in the middle of a by the way you're in the middle of a beautiful place right like Vietnam beautiful so the juxtaposition of like

Speaker 2 well that's not where they stayed during Vietnam they didn't have what they didn't have the four seasons I'd say they're they had had the one season. They had one season.

Speaker 2 But they stay in the middle of this beautiful jungle. I thought about that when I saw Forrest Gump that I was like, how crazy that this is like paradise.

Speaker 2 And these kids from all over the country in the U.S. go to paradise for the first time, but it's

Speaker 2 bullets all day long. Yeah, and they were also sent into battles that were unwinnable.
Well, they were. We want you to take that hill.
Yeah, but

Speaker 2 they're up there. Do it.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Just get up there and do it. We need that hill.
And then once they would take the hill and they would lose 80 of their friends, right? The military would be like, okay, we got it.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 2 They're like, we're not going to do that. At least put a sign up.
Nah, we got it.

Speaker 2 Nothing. What about Agent Orange? Wasn't that from Vietnam? Loved it.

Speaker 2 Great cologne.

Speaker 2 No. Agent, yeah, they would burn your skin.
And they would just canopy drop it all over the.

Speaker 2 And it would just destroy foliage.

Speaker 2 And that's what gives people

Speaker 2 lung cancer.

Speaker 2 And then after that, after Vietnam,

Speaker 2 people would come back and then they would hang out at VFWs and they would get Legionnaires disease. What is that? Legionnaires disease? Google it, George.
Legionnaire's disease is genuinely

Speaker 2 legion from like Legions, American, like VFWs.

Speaker 2 They would get this infection in their lungs from the air conditioning units not being cleaned. Oh, my lord.
Legionnaires disease, right?

Speaker 2 Symptoms and causes. Well,

Speaker 2 Legionnaire is inhaling the bacteria from water or soil. Bacterium Legionella.
It had nothing to do with the legion.

Speaker 2 It's the bacteria name.

Speaker 2 I was born with Harlequinichiosis. No, you weren't, because I've seen it.
We've shown it on the show and you weren't. Damn it.
No, you were not.

Speaker 2 Hey, you remember the bit?

Speaker 2 You remember the bit that we did last week about the Confederate Robert E. Lee? Yeah.
I think we want to do it. Who's we? We're going to make it.
Fancy B wants to make it.

Speaker 2 A sketch or a real series?

Speaker 2 I was thinking a short first.

Speaker 2 We do like a always a first short first. Well, so it doesn't fail.

Speaker 2 He's a good director, though. He directed

Speaker 2 a YouTube video of mine. Do you still have that video? Yeah, still online.
Yes, what's it called?

Speaker 2 The Emperor of the World. Emperor of the World.
And it's basically what I would do if I was like the Emperor of the World.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like Bobby Lee was the Emperor of the World. I killed myself.
And I walked into a liquor store.

Speaker 2 Witness greatness.

Speaker 2 Behold the Emperor of the World.

Speaker 2 How long? When was this? This is right after Mad, maybe three or four years after Mad TV. And Fancy directed it? So I was like, I didn't know what to do, so I would call around and go, what do I do?

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 my friend Lisa Lisa Bonnet no Lisa Nova Lisa Donovan right she started a company called maker she was a youtuber yes lisa nova lisa nova and she said um come to my company and we'll just do sketches so i would show up at this you know i remember

Speaker 2 i met george it was in culver city right in culver city i remember it yeah you remember in the warehouse district yeah and i used to do that talk show there as well yeah

Speaker 2 and i remember um i met him I don't remember, but. P.D.
Yeah. Well, George goes, I have a friend who's going to direct it.

Speaker 2 So I showed up, and I vaguely remember him, and I shot the sketch, and then we only did one. So do you entrust him to make a sketch with us now? I think that he has the skills.

Speaker 2 Well, let's be more sure than think.

Speaker 2 If we're going to entrust this guy to do something for us. I think he can do it.
He went to film school, right? Yes. Which one, though?

Speaker 2 Columbia University. That's good.
That's actually good. That's a good one, right? No, No, that's good.
Yeah, USC would be better. By far.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's going to try to argue, well, no, the program is actually not as good.

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Speaker 2 Is there a time period that you can teach me about?

Speaker 2 Of course. Like a war?

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, a war. Maybe not a war.
Okay, well, how about this? You want to stick in the Asian stuff? Yeah, yeah. The Great Wall of China.
How much do you know about the Great Wall of China? Nothing.

Speaker 2 You know nothing about it. I know it's there.
Why was it erected? What? Why was it erected? Well, obviously, just making an assumption to separate two bodies of lands. Correct.
Okay.

Speaker 2 But what bodies of land?

Speaker 2 North and south. I don't know.
East and west. East and south.
Okay, east and west. I was close.
Don't, don't, don't, diminish me. Don't be diminutive.

Speaker 2 I was close.

Speaker 2 It could have been either one. Right.
There's only four ways to go. Yeah.
So I made a guess, right? And I said, East and West. So you said north and south.
So that's what I meant.

Speaker 2 It was east and west. Why do they want two sides divided?

Speaker 2 Maybe there were two different kingdoms.

Speaker 2 Not called kingdoms. They're called

Speaker 2 embassies

Speaker 2 chinese come on china okay they're called um dynasties dynasties that's right am i right that's exactly right okay separate so so so there's two different dynasties maybe ming ming and

Speaker 2 ping wing ming and ping

Speaker 2 ming and wing ping and pong and pong it's where yin and yang came

Speaker 2 Ming is white and

Speaker 2 all right, so there's two dynasties. There's Ming dynasty and there's another dynasty.
It's Wing. Wing dynasty.
Ming and Wing. And so they separated it.
Which was a joke they used to say.

Speaker 2 Look at the East Wing dynasty. Get it? Because it was on the east side of the wall?

Speaker 2 So Ming and Wing. What happened was these two emperors were fighting, right? If you're making this up right now, it's not because I really want to learn.
I am giving it to you.

Speaker 2 I know, but I feel like you're making it up, though. I'm not.
There's no fucking Wing, nothing. What do you mean, Ming and Wing? The Wing dynasty? The Ming, I've heard of.
I've never heard of Wing.

Speaker 2 You've never heard of the Wing Dynasty? No. Fellas, am I lying or what?

Speaker 2 Ming and Wing dynasty. Okay.
What happened was, all right, these two emperors hated each other. This is the the creepiest part.

Speaker 2 Their sisters were in love. Oh, yeah.
They were in love.

Speaker 2 So, the Ming, what, the emperor? Bong Ming. His name is Bong Ming.
No, no, that's the sister, Bong. Oh, so the sister was Bong.
Bong Ming. Yeah, liked the Wing sister.
One of the Wing sisters.

Speaker 2 And I don't remember because there was triplets.

Speaker 2 There was three wing sisters. But Bong Ming, I do remember her.
Bong Ming loved one of the wing triplets.

Speaker 2 They caught them making love. Scissoring.

Speaker 2 Scissoring. Well, I don't know what it is called in Chinese, but

Speaker 2 they had scissors. Chopsticking.
They were chopsticking.

Speaker 2 And anyway,

Speaker 2 that was crazy. I thought you would say something like that.
They were sticking. That was insane.
Bong Ming and one of the wing and one of the wings. All right, so making love.

Speaker 2 These two emperors. Let me just stop for a second.
Got it. So let me just get this straight.

Speaker 2 All right, straight. So the wing.
Yeah. The wing dynamics.

Speaker 2 The emperor had three sisters. Had three sisters.
Triplets. They were triplets.
Correct. Okay.
And the Ming dynasty had one. One girl named Bong.
Bong Ming. Bong Ming.

Speaker 2 Bong Ming, right, was scissoring one of these girls. She was stopped chopsticking the girl.

Speaker 2 My bad. She was chopping.
She was chopsticking one of these sisters. The middle child, I think.
You don't know for sure. I'm not positive because I'm.
They look the same.

Speaker 2 It could have been either one. They were triplets.
Yeah, exactly. They didn't look the same as they were Asian.
They were like anyway. So it was triplets.
So it could have been anybody. True, true.

Speaker 2 Right, right. So anyway, they were hooking up.
These two emperors caught wind of it. And he said, I refuse my sister to go to your palace anymore.

Speaker 2 And he says, I don't want your sister to come to my palace anymore. Yeah.
Because bong is trash. Wow.
Bong is trash.

Speaker 2 He said that, you know, what is that? A couple thousand years ago? No, no, let me ask you this, though. Yeah.
Would they

Speaker 2 obviously they didn't get together at like, you know what I mean, an Applebee is to talk, right? Oh, you mean how did they communicate? Through pigeons or something. Well,

Speaker 2 they would open up a letter. There are no pigeons in China.
Instead, there are ferrets. Ferrets.

Speaker 2 What are they?

Speaker 2 Doves? Doves?

Speaker 2 What bird? Chinese geese. Oh, a Chinese goose.

Speaker 2 I didn't know. Come on.
So they would send Chinese geese through the air with notes on them to get to

Speaker 2 each palace. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway, it seems like a long time. For a Chinese goose? Yeah, to fly over.

Speaker 2 It seems like. They fly 180 miles an hour.
No, they don't. I've seen geese.
And they're pretty... That would probably take eight years.
Have you seen a Chinese goose?

Speaker 2 Then you don't know what you're talking about. Okay, I'm sorry.
It's a 55-foot wingspan. They're huge.
It's the size of an airplane, basically. Okay.
Small airplane. So they send it back and forth.

Speaker 2 They're noting back and forth saying, I want my sister over here. He said, I don't know She don't come over here.
Piece of shit. I don't want her over here.
How about that, bitch?

Speaker 2 And he goes, Oh, you know what? Now, you know what? Now I'm going to send my fucking triplets over. So he says,

Speaker 2 hey, try to get over to my land and see what happens. So Donald Trump, remember how he said, build the wall? That's what that came from.

Speaker 2 Bong Ming's brother was the first one that invented build the wall.

Speaker 2 It's really hard to believe

Speaker 2 that they would erect that wall. That thing took 100 years to fucking put up.
Because initially, it just was to block the two dynasties, east and west.

Speaker 2 But at some point, he got a little cocky and was like, I want to. Do you know how long China is? It's huge.
Right. But he said, I want some people to see this.
How long does that fucking wall take?

Speaker 2 To build. Well, this is unbeknownst knowledge to a lot of people.
The first chunk of the wall, the first mile and a half, was popsicle sticks. It was made of popsicle sticks and Elmer's glue.

Speaker 2 I'm dead serious. They re-erected it later with stone.
Yeah, yeah, no.

Speaker 2 You don't know anything about it. Bong? No, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you can see it from space.

Speaker 2 I don't know one thing about it. I don't know anything about it.
I know people take pictures on it and it's wavy. I know, I know.
I've seen Steve-O walk on it. You know what I mean? Oh, dude.

Speaker 2 Dude, what's up? Hey, I'm just going to skate down the wall. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But

Speaker 2 so that was just five, ten minutes of just bullshit. No, some of it's true.
None of it is.

Speaker 2 I think Bong Ming is real. Bong Ming, there is no Bong Ming.
Look up Bong Ming, please, and tell me that that's not part of the Ming dynasty. Bong Ming.

Speaker 2 Bong Ming.

Speaker 2 There. There he is.
Bong Ming. There he is.
Go to his Instagram.

Speaker 2 There he is.

Speaker 2 Bong Ming. There's Bong Ming.
Oh, you're right.

Speaker 2 There he is celebrating when they built the wall. Okay.

Speaker 2 With some buds. Congrats.
Uh-huh. You don't know anything about American history?

Speaker 2 Yeah, what do you want to to know? Because I'm going to, I'm, I'm going to,

Speaker 2 honestly, because I want to learn. So the next,

Speaker 2 because I know that Ken Byrne has a civil, a Civil War one, Civil War one is amazing. I want to watch that one.
All right, because I do know about that one.

Speaker 2 And then he has one about just America, like the American West.

Speaker 2 I'm going to watch that. I can teach you about that.
Tell me about America. About the 49ers.
Do you know who the 49ers are? Why are the football team? Why are they called the 49ers? Because they were.

Speaker 2 Well, 49ers,

Speaker 2 aren't they miners, the actual miners? That's correct. Right? And they mined for gold? That's correct.
Is that why the helmets are gold?

Speaker 2 Well, they're red and gold, but yes, gold is part of their color because of that.

Speaker 2 I'm being real. So these 49ers, they probably Northern California.
Well,

Speaker 2 they would mine gold in Northern California. Santa Maria San Yanis Valley, yes.
The San Yanez Valley. Yes.
Right?

Speaker 2 And then, so what do you need to teach me about them? Well, first of all,

Speaker 2 why was the gold rush in Northern California and not in Southern California? Because in Southern California, there is no gold. Why would there be gold up there and not down here?

Speaker 2 It has something to do with mountains. I don't know why.

Speaker 2 We don't have mountains in Southern California. But there was never a gold rush in

Speaker 2 Texas or

Speaker 2 of course there was. Wow.
But in Southern California, I don't know. And Texas is flat, so tell me why.
Because you said it's mountains. Well, it has to do with rivers, right? That's right.

Speaker 2 And it has to do with... Freshwater sources.
The rivers, right, and coming from the mountaintops. correct right

Speaker 2 and um it gathers all these minerals

Speaker 2 and stalactites yeah yeah it gathers all these minerals to come down and then you would take a pan

Speaker 2 right and wade through the water panning for gold you pan for gold it's kind of like the pasta strainer that you have at home yeah okay that's actually where that came from yeah so what you're telling me that is that there was a gold rush in san diego there was a gold rush in san diego where they didn't make a lot of money

Speaker 2 where

Speaker 2 Well, what? I can't even think of a fucking river in San Diego. Okay, first of all, you know how it's called Carlsbad?

Speaker 2 Do you know why? Why? Because the gentleman that discovered Carlsbad, his name is Carl. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
That was his Bad Lands, the Badlands. That's where that comes from.

Speaker 2 Carl's Badlands. And so.
He bought that place just on the gold he found down there.

Speaker 2 Yep.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you, all this is facts. Okay.
You could look it up though. So that's about the America West.
The great American West. You know the real reason we went west? It wasn't to find land.

Speaker 2 What was that?

Speaker 2 It wasn't to find land. What is that?

Speaker 2 Tell me.

Speaker 2 Tell me what it is.

Speaker 2 It wasn't to find land. Tell me what it is, Bat.

Speaker 2 It was to get away from all those guinea whops in New York.

Speaker 2 You don't know anything. I don't know much.
Yeah, yeah. But I know how to love you.

Speaker 2 But do you watch documents? Do you watch documentaries?

Speaker 2 Why should you watch documentaries? I love documentaries. Yeah, which ones do you like? What did I just see? Well, I watched the Cecil.
Before that, I watched The Social Network.

Speaker 2 Before that, I did see the Identical Strangers. Oh, I loved that.
Did you really? I did. I love that.
Yeah. The replacement of the,

Speaker 2 yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? The guys that, the two, the guy that, the, the, the, the guy that the

Speaker 2 brothers.

Speaker 2 But what happened? They don't know their brothers.

Speaker 2 That's it. That's the one.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I haven't been watching a lot of docs lately. So you've never seen it in that one.
Salt, fat, acid. Did you see identical to

Speaker 2 Strangers? I did. What's it about? I don't know.
Okay, it's about. No, but I do, but I don't remember.
Yeah, I'm telling you what it's about.

Speaker 2 It's about,

Speaker 2 I don't remember really either.

Speaker 2 I'm going to try to try to. Bring up the image and then I'll be able to tell you.
Yeah, I'll tell you right now. If I can see the triplets that were separated at birth.

Speaker 2 Right, one guy met it and he ran into the other guy at college. I remember that.
Right, Right, right, right. And then he said, he said, you're Dan.
And he's like, I'm not Dan. I'm Kevin.

Speaker 2 He's like, no way. You look at him.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 I remember. It was a third one.
That was right.

Speaker 2 And then they tried to do a research study on them to find out

Speaker 2 if it was nurture or nature, right? To say, like, do they all smoke the same cigarettes or all that? They were a science project, basically. And then they found out that it wasn't true.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That it was true they were brothers, but it wasn't true that

Speaker 2 you share these innate things, that so much of it is harbored by nature. Nature.
Correct. No, it's about

Speaker 2 nurture, because didn't one of them kill themselves? No, they're all still alive. They are right there in the photo.
No, one of them died. Did he die? Yeah.
How'd he die? I think he killed himself.

Speaker 2 How'd he do it?

Speaker 2 I don't know how. I always want to know how they did it.
Why? Because I want to know.

Speaker 2 Would the other twin do it the same way? I would probably just ask my brother to,

Speaker 2 you know what I would do is I would take 10 volumes and I would just tell my brother to stick a shotgun to my mouth and just

Speaker 2 too dark.

Speaker 2 So black.

Speaker 2 it's like the darkest we want i don't know how to how would you kill yourself uh jump no that's too dark bunch of flips i would do i would do a bunch of i do a gainer off of there was there was a documentary about the golden gate bridge what was that called the bridge you see that

Speaker 2 it's the best it's about it's about how many people died building it right but there would be people that jump i remember this right and then there would be like you know i mean a cameraman just that would place a camera place a camera there And instead of going, don't do it, they would just push.

Speaker 2 Record.

Speaker 2 Right? And they would just do it.

Speaker 2 They erected a net below it because so many people were jumping off of it. But one kid, right, jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge, and he broke every bone in his body.
But he lived. But he lived.

Speaker 2 And he kind of floated.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was just like, he was laying there. Did it work?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm not dead. Right.
And he eventually makes it to like the, you know, I mean, the shore. The shore.
Yeah. Right.
And then he decided, just laying there on the beach

Speaker 2 I think I want to live finally right that's all it takes and then he just he got his bones back I don't know how that how do you get your bones back

Speaker 2 they reeled the bones healed right they were mended he went to the hospital he got it did somebody mend them yeah a doctor oh a doctor right and then he just lived a life but then a lot of people like You just die instantaneously.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 they say you die the moment you hit the water. Yeah, but sometimes you live.
That's weird. That guy that lived.
Yeah. What do you think? Some people do more than one has lived.
Jumping off of there?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Really? I saw this other one where it was like about

Speaker 2 how to die in Oregon.

Speaker 2 It's about assisted suicide. Oh, right, because it's legal up there.
Yeah. Isn't that where Kvorkian is from? Yeah.
Do you know who that is? Do you know who Dr. Kovorkian? You never heard of that?

Speaker 2 No, he's the best. Well, he's, I mean, one of the best in the game, for sure.
He kind of in terms of that.

Speaker 2 Assisted suicide? Yeah, he's one of the best in the the

Speaker 2 he's sort of like the

Speaker 2 Amadeus Mozart of suicides. He's revolutionary.

Speaker 2 He's, I don't know who's better.

Speaker 2 George wants to look at Michigan? I didn't know he was in Michigan. He is Michigan.
Look at how cool he looks. Bring up his photo so

Speaker 2 Rudy can see what he looks like. Really handsome guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, if that guy was helping me, I'd ask, are you dead? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sure, you're dead, right? Yeah, you seem dead. By the way, you would walk in this guy's office.
You want to kill yourself. Yeah.
Wagging that finger. Do the one where he's smiling below.

Speaker 2 This is the kind of guy that always looked old to me, right? Like, I feel like he looked like this when he was 30. Do you know what I mean? I've only seen pictures of him when he's elderly.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Even when he's young. Right there.
Look at that one in the blue shirt next down below it.

Speaker 2 Next to the blue shirt. Left.
Go left.

Speaker 2 Look at that. He's 36 right there.
I know. Was always old.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So this guy got a lot of criticism for help for pushing for assisted suicide.

Speaker 2 Because he said people

Speaker 2 want. He said, people want to do it.
We might as well help them do it. So it's not.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you, Jules. So if I was like,

Speaker 2 let's say you're a government official, whatever, right? And you're in charge of making laws.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And I... I'm moving to a different country, I'll tell you that.
Yeah. I proposed a law, right, saying that, do you believe that, you know, if I want to kill myself,

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 it should be legal that somebody could help me?

Speaker 2 I feel like if you have like severe conditions, that maybe

Speaker 2 that would be okay, but if you just want to die and you're like healthy,

Speaker 2 yeah, no, no, these are people that have like a chronic like disease that was that so you think that that's

Speaker 2 yeah, because I think

Speaker 2 yeah, they're suffering already. Yeah, yeah, yeah, do you know what a suicide is at a fountain drink?

Speaker 2 Like, like you know what a fountain drink is, yeah, when you go to like Burger King, you get you know what the suicide is?

Speaker 2 No, God, when we you don't how does she not know that's just that's that's suicide, no, Andres, what's a suicide at a fountain drink?

Speaker 2 Um, Nobody knows that except you. Really? George, do you know?

Speaker 2 You mix everything together. You mix everything together.
See, he knows. What do you mean? You do.

Speaker 2 You do all that. I didn't know that.
You've never known that? No, they call it a suicide? George, you knew that, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he said that. Andreas, you don't know that? No.
What do they call that in Spain? People don't do that.

Speaker 2 We don't do that anywhere else except probably in the Midwest.

Speaker 2 You guys call it pop anyway. It is pop.
It's not pop. It's pop.
You know, it's just, you know,

Speaker 2 carbonated drink. What do you call Coca-Cola? It's pop.
Carbonated drink. You don't call it carbonate.

Speaker 2 Pardon me, may I have a carbonated drink?

Speaker 2 Yes, you may, my little noodle friend. No, you call it soda? Yeah.
So when, if I go to, because I go to Fud Ruckers. Sure, you do.
Right? Build your own burger, baby. Yeah, but

Speaker 2 they have those fancy ones. The ones where you can make new drinks.
No, where you can get a Diet Coke, but then...

Speaker 2 It gives you eight other options. That's what I'm saying.
Cherry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, chicken.

Speaker 2 It's dope. They have that in movie theaters.
Yeah, they have those in the movie theaters. Rest in peace, AMC.
So if I do that with,

Speaker 2 if I do it with Diet Coke, Sprite, and all that kind of stuff, then I call that a suicide. That's called a suicide.
Wow, I didn't know that.

Speaker 2 But those fancy machines, you couldn't get through all those options. What do you mean? The fancy machines have like 90 combinations.
Right. The

Speaker 2 old school ones have like six, you know? So you just do six. Yeah, so it's Coke.
It's Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Fanta. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then Mr. Pibb

Speaker 2 and or Dr. Pepper because they're independent.
Right. The girl that used to live behind me, her dad worked at RC Cola.
Remember RC Cola? RC, yeah. I know me too.
And it went away. I know it went away.

Speaker 2 Why did they take it away from us? I don't. Well, let me tell you something.
What they took away from me.

Speaker 2 And I've talked about this maybe five years ago. And

Speaker 2 when I was a kid, my mom... was too lazy to make breakfast.

Speaker 2 That's why you look smiling. I'm just settling in for whatever whatever it is.
It's not anything bad. No, I know.
Right? To you. So she, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 And we'd be like, you know, you wake up, you go, I'm hungry. Hungry.
Right? And she'd go, eat that. And it was like a carnation breakfast bar.
What is a package? Oh, like an old person's breakfast.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was by carnation. It was like an elderly person's breakfast.
Whatever. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they stopped making it.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I don't know, but there was a campaign of people that were born in the 70s, right? Which is me,

Speaker 2 who are trying to bring it back. Are you involved? No, I signed a petition

Speaker 2 years ago, but it literally is the greatest bar.

Speaker 2 Carnation breakfast cereal. Breakfast bar.

Speaker 2 It's a chocolate bar. There it is.
That's it. It's a chocolate bar.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, I remember this. And it was crunchy? Yeah, yeah.
It was crunchy. There was something about the middle of it, though, that you consistency to it, that you can't...

Speaker 2 Like, sometimes I'll go to a 7-Eleven or whatever. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 If you look at the package, you go, this looks like it. And then you stick it in your mouth.

Speaker 2 It's not the same. It's not the same.
All right, so how about this? Yeah. In the same way that Reddit was able to resurface GameStop stock,

Speaker 2 we're asking all of our fans right now to tweet at, does Carnation still have a Twitter? We want you guys to get the breakfast bar back. I think they said, though,

Speaker 2 I think Carnation put out a statement saying we don't even have the recipe anymore. Carnation UK.

Speaker 2 Whether you're making, baking, topping, or mixing, Carnation makes homemade easy with gooey caramel, condensed milk, and evaporated elk. That's not it.

Speaker 2 Look, that's Carnation. Nestle makes it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nestle owns it.

Speaker 2 Everybody tweet at Nestle and ask them to make Carnation breakfast bars for Tito Bobby. I want everybody to do that to see if we can get it.
The greatest thing, I swear to God.

Speaker 2 I would probably just replace that as two meals a day if they remade remade it. How about this? If we can get this back, they should make it just for you for your 50th birthday this year.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was so, there was something about it. And I just remember like my mom just keep, she just bought boxes of it, and I would just grab it, stick it in my pockets.
And take it to go.

Speaker 2 And I wouldn't even eat the school food. Do you think if you ate one now, would it, do you think it would have the same nostalgia for you? Like, would it bring you back?

Speaker 2 I think tears would well up in my eyes. We kind of get a carnation breakfast.
If I stick them, it would, it would bring back all the my dad beating me with a golf club. Right.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like all the good stuff. Don't be be gay.

Speaker 2 Carnation breakfast bars. That's the commercial.

Speaker 2 And stuff. That's a great commercial.

Speaker 2 Your mom, like, it's like a little stocky Asian kid walks downstairs, you know?

Speaker 2 Did your mom smoke? No, man. I wish she did.
In this bit, she does.

Speaker 2 They're both smoking,

Speaker 2 and your dad is pruning flowers, and your mom is reading the paper, and you're like, I'm hungry. And your mom is like, eat that.
And she points to a breakfast bar and you're like, what is that?

Speaker 2 And your dad hits you with a golf club and goes, don't be gay.

Speaker 2 And you take a bite of the Carnation Breakfast Bar and you're like, oh.

Speaker 2 And then anime, like, she likes, whoop, you know,

Speaker 2 and you fly through the air and it's carnation and breakfast bar.

Speaker 2 Don't be gay. Can I be honest with you today? You're really funny today.
Thanks.

Speaker 2 I was on Twitter. I got rid of my Twitter because I read something.

Speaker 2 Let me just say it. I know.
You read something negative. And then you're going to be a little bit more.
No, no, no, no, no, no, it wasn't negative about anything. Oh.

Speaker 2 It was somebody saying

Speaker 2 a young woman.

Speaker 2 and she goes, I love bad friends. Good, right?

Speaker 2 I love Bobby Lee, but I love especially Andrew Santino.

Speaker 2 And that's why you deleted Twitter.

Speaker 2 Because a fan said something nice to me one time. Well, when I read it.
You get all the love. In fact,

Speaker 2 in fact, let me show you something.

Speaker 2 No, when I read it, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It does this thing where it started vibrating.

Speaker 2 So I was reading it and was going to, I was going, I was trying to be happy for you, too. Impossible.
No, I'll be real. I was looking at my phone, right? I was reading it, right?

Speaker 2 And I did, you know, a Joker smile.

Speaker 2 You know, because I was forcing it. Yeah.
So I was doing this, right? That's nice.

Speaker 2 And then my eyes started vibrating like this. Yeah.
And then I, you know, got out of the app and I held on to it like this. And then I pressed the delete and it zipped.
All because of a nice comment.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Do you know how many more comments you get? Okay, George, bring up the video of the kid.
You want to see something insane?

Speaker 2 Look at this kid. By the way, timeout.
How old do you think this child is? He's cute. Take a guess.
Weird thing to say right away. How old do you think he is?

Speaker 2 Eight. Okay, how old, Jules? Eight.
You can't get the same goddamn number.

Speaker 2 Which is not your date. Eight, seven or

Speaker 2 ten. Okay, what do you think, Andres?

Speaker 2 Oh, have you seen the clip? You guys, if you've both seen it, then you can't say it. I've seen it.
All right, George, you've seen it too. All right, so, okay, here we go.
Listen to what this kid says.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay, so what age are you, you, Blake? Four.
Four. Four years old.
What's your favorite podcast?

Speaker 2 Bad Friends.

Speaker 2 And who presents Bad Friends? Bobby Leon Andrew Santina. Who's your favorite? Bobby or Andrew?

Speaker 2 Uh

Speaker 2 Bobby. Why Bobby? Okay, I'm gonna

Speaker 2 pick both. No, you said Bobby.
So what do you like about Bobby? Uh,

Speaker 2 when like

Speaker 2 on the

Speaker 2 Valentine's Day, remember I said he had those things on his face. The boils.
The boils face.

Speaker 2 What do you like about Andrew?

Speaker 2 What? What do you like about Andrew Santino?

Speaker 2 Remember on

Speaker 2 the video and it said,

Speaker 2 King,

Speaker 2 what you have on your face?

Speaker 2 What you got in your face?

Speaker 2 Are they English?

Speaker 2 The boils on his face.

Speaker 2 Conor McGregor.

Speaker 2 Irish. Something up there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something up there.
By the way, you know how keen this kid is?

Speaker 2 You don't even know what he's referencing.

Speaker 2 Do you remember the boils that you talked about? Yeah, it's upsetting that a little bit. It feels good.
And let me say this one more time. A little kid would watch or listen to our podcast.

Speaker 2 It's insane. And also, he says, what do you like about Andrew Santino?

Speaker 2 He takes this pause and he goes, when he says, the kid, what you got on your face, that's from like my special from like six years ago. That's a joke from my special.
That's a funny joke.

Speaker 2 No, but I just think it's crazy that this kid knows that. I know.
That the dad lets him watch us. And by the way, whoever this dad is, you're the best.
Yeah. You're the best.

Speaker 2 Let this kid watch Bad Friends forever. Because look at how nice of a kid he is.
What's going on? What is this?

Speaker 2 This is a kick in the stick. They talked about Bobby.
What? What did it?

Speaker 2 They're trying to, I don't even ignore this shit. Whenever this, first of all, let me guess.
I haven't seen this video yet. Let me guess.
He calls me Sleepy Eyes.

Speaker 2 Let's hear it.

Speaker 2 Let me make an assumption here that this redneck is going to say something about my eyes. Okay, let's hear it.
Go ahead. See ya.
Bobby Lee, you fucking hear me, Bobby Lee, you sleepy fuck.

Speaker 2 All right, wake up, dog. I'm that fucking alarm clock, son.
Yeah, come get some. You want it, you little gristle animal? Come get it, dog.

Speaker 2 Come freaking get it, dude. Here's cat with them new bangs.
Dude, I'll jump off the bottom rope and fucking still take you out, you bastard. Bobby Lee.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're going to hit that redhead on the way down? Dude, I fucking. Oh.
Oh, yeah. I'll catch that dude with my hoof.
You're a little cinnamon on your your elbow.

Speaker 2 I'll catch that dude with my, yeah, one of my hooves.

Speaker 2 I'll catch that chatty Hollywood elite with one of my hooks, dude. Yeah, he is Hollywood.
Oh, dog. Tom, sorry, I can't do the show.
I'm, I'm on set. Yeah.
I'm on set. I was.

Speaker 2 I was on set.

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude. Set of my dick of nuts.
When I was a kid,

Speaker 2 there was a kid named Brady.

Speaker 2 And I think that he was born literally with no brain. Right.
Right? Like he was just empty. Yeah.
But I hung out with him because this dude, right, could pull a stop sign right out of the ground.

Speaker 2 Right out of the ground with his hand at the age of 12. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You want me to do it? Do it. He go

Speaker 2 and pull it out. Yeah.
Right. And I use Brady because I'm the, you know,

Speaker 2 every Brady has a guy like me. 100%.
A little guy. Yeah.
Like, you know, Master Blaster. Master Blaster.

Speaker 2 Master Blaster. Pull up Master Blaster.
Yeah. Master Blaster.

Speaker 2 Right? That's. That's Brady.
That's Brady and you. And that's me on top.
I'm the guy telling him what to do, right? Go this way. Yeah, go this way.

Speaker 2 Brendan Schaub, right,

Speaker 2 is

Speaker 2 the same.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 So Theo's, right, telling him what to do, right? It's that redneck, right? That twangy little fuck. That hiccadoo.
The hiccadoo. I don't even want to say inbred because it would be a compliment.

Speaker 2 It's true. Yeah.
It'd be a compliment to him. He'd go, yeah, and

Speaker 2 a few of my cousins. Yeah, it's a mix of like family blood.
Yeah, he's such a hick fart. He's a hit fig.
Yeah. You know how you can tell he has an eye that just wanders somewhere.

Speaker 2 What about these two doucheies are doing, right? Is that you're trying to provoke a war with real warriors. Right, with real warriors.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 They're trying to provoke a war with true warriors. Yeah, you know what? You know what?

Speaker 2 We have mental capacities. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Here's the thing. You and I say we're stupid all the time.
Yeah. We do that as a fun.
We go, we're dumb and we're not that smart.

Speaker 2 These two guys,

Speaker 2 honestly, I'm not kidding. Pound for pound.

Speaker 2 The dumbest people I've ever met in my life.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, you're, you know, can I say something to you?

Speaker 2 That's the brightest thing you've ever said. Yeah.
Because you're right. And there was always something about them

Speaker 2 when I would hang out with them, right? I would feel uneasy. Right.
Right. Like, you know, if I used a word, right, that they couldn't comprehend.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 but what I realized was, is that I'm dealing dealing with people that are just not mentally quite there because of either their heritage. Theo.
Right.

Speaker 2 Or

Speaker 2 because they got hit in the head so many times. Shab.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so that, you just nailed it in the butt right there, my friend. They are just bottom.
Dumb. You know what an angler fish is? Sure.
You know, it has the light. Pull up a picture of an angler fish.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. This is what Theo and Shab look like if they were, if they were together a fish.

Speaker 2 If Theo and Shab Shab were a fish,

Speaker 2 that's them. There they are.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, the third one, the orange one, the most orange. Yeah, that's Theo and Shab.
There we go.

Speaker 2 Water!

Speaker 2 That's what they look like. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's say some good things about them. Let's say some nice stuff now.
They are quirky, cute.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're

Speaker 2 that's all we got. Theo

Speaker 2 calls me one day and he goes, Hey, man,

Speaker 2 I got a gig where we're going to play a millionaire's house.

Speaker 2 And I go, I don't do houses, man. He goes, dude, it's like hitting rum, man.

Speaker 2 You do 10 minutes and I'm going to give you half my money. It was a lot of money.

Speaker 2 It was like 10 grand to do like 10 minutes of material. Oh, my God.
We got in the car, drove away. He made me a lot of money for nothing, right?

Speaker 2 And he didn't have to do it because he could have done it by himself.

Speaker 2 Why did he ask you? Because he thought it would be fun to do it with me. That's nice.
And he's a nice guy. No, he is a really nice guy.
And Shab is just a gentle giant. They're both very sleepy.

Speaker 2 You know what? This is the reverse. You know what? We're not going to attack back.
How about this? We don't.

Speaker 2 What we did, we went to, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 We attacked.

Speaker 2 Our gun instinct

Speaker 2 was to go attack, and we should have done the other thing.

Speaker 2 Here's the other thing. Which is, you know, just say, you guys are doing great.

Speaker 2 Man. I love those guys.

Speaker 2 great guys you know what's so good about these guys talent everything oh everything looks talent skill ability these guys are great guys you know the word you usually people use the word dynamic in the wrong way

Speaker 2 but i'm gonna apply it to them dynamic dynamic they are dynamic yeah i've never met two guys more informed aware and educated yeah just they have just an instinctual um

Speaker 2 talent like they're just instinctually good they were born you know knowing how to talk and have you know what I mean, really unique points of views and takes. Absolutely.

Speaker 2 And they're able to express themselves in a very original way.

Speaker 2 And I think that they're

Speaker 2 just real megastars in the podcast world.

Speaker 2 And in the entertainment in general.

Speaker 2 You know, on a track, when you're in a race on a track, and everyone has to start at a staggered position, but technically,

Speaker 2 it's at the same position, but it's staggered because it's on a curve.

Speaker 2 These guys,

Speaker 2 they're the kind of guys that would start behind the curve and let you have the beginning. And they'll go, you go first because I'm so good.
I'll catch up.

Speaker 2 It's almost like they would have their own Olympics. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 That's very... It's almost like they're in a league of their own.

Speaker 2 And can I just say this, too, about them? There's a sainthood about them. A goodness.

Speaker 2 A goodness. A goodness.
For instance,

Speaker 2 remember when Jesus was

Speaker 2 on the cross? I remember it vividly. And a Roman guy, you know, they stabbed, right? Yeah, while he was up there.
Right, was up there, right?

Speaker 2 And they walked away, laughing, probably like assholes, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Shaw seems like a guy that would go up to Jesus' wounds and just start and heal them. Heal it.
And try to, and even though he's dead, right? He's dead. Right.
He's trying to heal. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he'd probably kiss it. Kiss the wound.

Speaker 2 And Theo is the kind of guy. We're not, don't, don't forget about Theo.
Theo is the kind of guy.

Speaker 2 I won't forget about Theo. Don't forget about Theo.
I'm not. Theo's the kind of guy.
I don't even, I don't know if you know this, but Theo,

Speaker 2 Theo used to work in a bowling alley when he was a kid, right?

Speaker 2 And he would set the pins. Yeah.
Right. And there was a little old lady who was 97 years old.
This was her 97th birthday party. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she just found out that day that it ain't working that well anymore. Oh.
Right. And she said, all I want for my birthday

Speaker 2 is to have a perfect game. Yeah.
Right? Perfect game means all the strikes, 300. Yeah.
Theo catches wind of this while he's in the back fixing the bowling machines, bowling pin machines.

Speaker 2 And so what does he do? He knows she's 97. She can't see the pins.
Yeah. As she rolls every time, no matter what,

Speaker 2 he makes it go down. Yeah.
First frame, second frame, third frame, 50, 70. And this is crazy, right? Yeah.
This is crazy.

Speaker 2 On the last frame, he said, I'm going to let her do it on her own because I believe in her.

Speaker 2 She lets the ball go. Sure enough, strike on her own.

Speaker 2 She gets a 300. She gets a 300.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's the kind of guy that Theo is.
And by the way, the old lady wasn't even white. And I know that's tough for him.
Yeah. But it wasn't even a white old lady.
She was black.

Speaker 2 She was a black old lady. I read that.
And I know that, you know, Theo inside was like, I don't know if I can help her. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I leave. But he did anyway.

Speaker 2 He went against his family tradition. He went against his innate instinct.

Speaker 2 Another thing that he did was, you know, lately, Chinese people are being hurt. In public? In public.
Because of the Rona, because they

Speaker 2 said it was the Chinese virus. Right, but they've been doing it for a long time.
Right. I'm just saying this ain't.
Back in the day,

Speaker 2 he's from

Speaker 2 the South. He's from Louisiana.
Louisiana. Small town.
Small town. Yeah.
And there was one Chinese guy there. There was one.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And all the southerners, they used to push, they used to take, you know, those like mini bats? Oh, they had mini bats for carnival. And, you know, one guy would go, I'm going to swing it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to swing it right on his forehead. Tommy, right when I hit it like this, you hit another one here.
Right?

Speaker 2 So they, you know what I mean? So he wouldn't even know where to go. Whoa.
Right. So, yeah.
So they would hit him and, you know what I mean? Because if you hit him this way, you'd go forward. Forward.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right? But they would hit it and he would go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And every day, and then one day, right? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 One guy named Bubba Smith, that was his name. Okay.
You read about this. I've read about this.

Speaker 2 He pushes the Chinese man, right? Leroy Chan was his name. Leroy Chan.
Yeah. And Leroy

Speaker 2 was falling down the concrete. What did Theo do? What? Theo

Speaker 2 laid on the ground. No.
Yes. Laid on the ground like this, right? Break Leroy's fall.
And Leroy broke his fall. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they just laid laid there for like 45 minutes did the theo say anything and leroy would go thank you so much thank you don't worry about it man don't know no no sweat off my paws

Speaker 2 no sweat off my paws yeah so he's done so many things he speaks in limericks that guy he does he's smooth it's poetic and what hey man you know what they say you can't open a can if a dog's butt ain't gonna be shining from tuesday to wednesday

Speaker 2 and stuff like that that makes me go yeah i know what he's talking about yeah exactly i know what he's talking about so you know um they can

Speaker 2 try to throw stones at us. Yeah, and because we know who they are.
They're really good people. And they're prophets.

Speaker 2 And because this whole thing, this facade, it's not real. It's not real.
Deep down, these are good guys. Deep down, they want to be

Speaker 2 us. They want to be us.

Speaker 2 They want to be us.

Speaker 2 And so that's what that's, that's where it derives from. That's what it comes from.
Yeah, it's, I want to be them so bad, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And then I'll attack but we'd already know who they are we know who they really are and they're good people good this whole king and the sting thing yeah this big personality yeah yeah king not a king no just just just a gesture yeah just a man gesture and the stung and stung past tense yeah yeah

Speaker 2 yeah it's over he was stung he was stung yeah the gesture and the stung yeah that's what it is And I wish them the most luck. In fact, let me tell you something.
You ready for me to do this right now?

Speaker 2 Go ahead. I hope their show never ends.

Speaker 2 Ever.

Speaker 2 And one day they'll get 15 positive reviews.

Speaker 2 That's my goal for them. I want them to get some of them.
They get 15 reviews. Yes.
Would be nice. So, guys, can all of our fans do me a favor? Go over to

Speaker 2 the jester and skunk. Go over to their page and go ahead and write there,

Speaker 2 good luck, fellas. Just wish them luck.
Yes. Good luck, fellas.
From bad friends. From bad friends.
Yeah. Good luck, fellas.
From bad friends.

Speaker 2 That's what we'd like. And they wish you well.
We wish you well. Yes.
I love it. I love it.
And you know what? On this positive, happy, uplifting, upbeat note,

Speaker 2 thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 I have to say I love them. No, I love those guys.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is all in good fun, but honestly, talk shit about us again, and we're going to fuck you guys up. We'll fuck you guys up.

Speaker 2 Don't start a war you don't want to fight. Yeah, that's insane.
What are you doing? Yeah. You're bringing, you're bringing.
You know, it goes back to the Vietnam War. You shouldn't have been there.

Speaker 2 This is Vietnam. Yeah, and you should not be here.
This is Vietnam.

Speaker 2 If you want to fight Bong Wang

Speaker 2 and one of the triplets, then come through and do it.

Speaker 2 I think it's a bad idea.