Podcast Wars!

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Hey.

Guess what, man?

What's up, man?

I'm so excited.

Why?

My merch is out.

We got the new merch?

Click the thing down below.

Look below in the merch bar.

Click the thing below.

Or go to badfriendsmerch.com.

Or click the thing below.

Or click the thing below.

Do it.

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Can you see this on my face?

You see this welt?

I got a bug bite on my face.

It's normally that color though.

No, but look at how swollen this looks.

I honestly can't tell the difference. That's amazing.
Can you tell, Rude?

Right here? Right here? No.

Well, I put ice on it all day.

Your face is all fucked up.

Yeah. 24-7.

Look who's talking.

What do you mean? Look who's talking.

You really got a welt on your face?

You can't see right here? I do.

First of all, what? Hey, why? What's wrong with you today? Honestly, this has been tripping me out all day. It looks weird, but it's like, you know what you look like? I feel like...
A villain, like Two-Face. What is this? This is a gift from, I think it's Sal Vulcan and Chrissy D.
Sal and Chrissy, Chris DiStefano. Sal Vulcano and Chris DiStefano.
No. Yeah.
Don't know them. What is it? I don't know.
Oh, it's a bag of shit. Let me see.
Is that cookies? What is it? It's a bag of shit. It's a bag of shit? Why would they, let me see.
Is there a note there? Oh there is

Open it up, does it smell? No I can't What? What does it say? I don't know It says You have been pooped on Want to know by whom? Turn over. Turn over.
No, I don't know. I mean, well, we know.
It says happy... Is that Valentine's Day? Happy anniversary.
That's our happy anniversary. Oh, that's our anniversary gift.
That's nice from the boys. Thanks, Sal Vulcano and Chris Estepano.
Hey, babe. Their new show, Hey Hey Babe.
Human shit. Yeah.
Is this human shit?

Yeah, it's gotta be.

Let me see.

Okay, how about this?

How about this?

Let's eat it.

No, not say eat it.

Oh, come on, grow up. I don't want to eat it.

Let's smell it, though.

Okay.

You smell it?

I will.

Open it up.

God, that looks so repulsive.

The fact that the USP...

This is why they're closing down, because they'll send anything.

No way. It's poop.
Oh, the bag is wet. Yeah, yeah.
Look at it. My hands are all pooped.
What is sanitizer going to do? What is sanitizer going to do? Oh my god! my God. It's so gross.
It's so gross. It's not shit, though.
No, whatever it is. It's something gross.
We got to send them something. Yeah, but we should really poop.
Yeah, I want to send them something. You got shit.
She got it all over her hands. We should really poop in a bag.
Oh, no. We should really do it.
I'll poop in a bag for real and send it. Me too.
You want to fuck around East Coast? Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah.
Oh, really, New York? Yeah. Oh, really, New York? You think you can fuck with us? It's not just New York.
Did it get on your clothes? No. Okay, good.
Are you okay? Give me the hand, Sandy, for her. Slide.
Bad slide. Ready? Heads up.
Coming at you. Sandy.
One, two. Coming at you.
We're going to send them poop in a bag for real.

You don't get to send us poop in a bag.

But Sal and Chris, they have a podcast?

Yeah, it's called Hey Babe.

But I thought him and the Greek guy had one.

No more.

Sadly, History of Hyannis is gone.

They each have independent podcasts now.

So Sal and Chris has one, and it's called Hey Babe.

Hey Babe.

Okay.

Hey Babe. It's called Hey Babe, and they just started? Yeah, it's on their fifth or sixth or seventh or eighth.
Let's bury them. Well, that show will never catch up to that.
I mean, there's no way. We're going to bury them.
We really do. Yeah.
Yeah, because that's rude. That's rude that they started a podcast trying to be like us? No, but that's rude that they would send us a bag of shit.
I think they're trying to start a mini war but they don't know who they're fucking with. It's so funny because I've had other people try to do that for me.
You know who did it at first? Donnell. Oh, really? When he started his, right? He started making memes of me.
Look how fat Bobby is. You know what I mean? And all that stuff.
And I was like, I'm not going to fucking bite. It's not going to work, Donnell.
Yeah. You know what I've been watching, dude? Oh, my God.
Have you heard of the Vietnam War? Is it a movie? No, no, the real thing. Yeah, the Vietnam War? Yeah.
To the best of my account, the Vietnam War was over sugar cane. No, it wasn't.
From 19... No, let's be honest, because I've been watching it.
So let me see if you know really... What do you mean? You've been watching what? A documentary about the war? Well, Ken Burns is a documentary filmmaker that I love.

Everyone loves Ken Burns.

Right. So Ken Burns, right, made a Vietnam War documentary series.

Yeah.

And I've seen it twice, but I'm rewatching it. It's really riveting.

Who narrates it?

I don't know.

Ooh, God. What are we here for?

Ooh, absolutely nothing. Say it again.
Ooh, God. Oh, God, what are we here for? Ooh, nothing.
Absolutely nothing. Say it again.
Ooh, God, oh, God. Here we're here for absolutely nothing.
Say it again. Ooh, the music, right? It was my haze.
All in my brain. All in my mind.
Whatever. That's it.
Right, right. All that music is so good yeah because that was the best music came from from tragedy yeah but and then how come everybody spent four years talking bad about how Trump was the worst person and we didn't make any good music one song came out of it what song fuck Donald Trump you know that song right hey fuck Donald Trump you've heard that that song yeah but nobody made other good, it's the worst.
This is the worst four years ever. You're like, then why is no good art coming out? This should have spawned good art, because the best art came from tough times.
Yeah, that's true. The 60s and 70s, the race riots, civil war.
I mean, civil war. The race riots, civil unrest is what I mean that was going on yeah you've got you've got feminism's birth the vietnam war all this stuff clashing watergate watergate all this stuff happening well watergate was later what do you mean watergate was in the 70s yeah but vietnam war i'm talking about i'm talking about that chunk of time like from this so that decade i would say too, from 62 to 62 to like...
The late 60s was crazy because of all the deaths. Yeah.
Right? And serial killers started to kind of emerge in the 60s. The good ones, too.
Yeah, the coolest ones. The legends came out.
Shout out to the cool serial killers! Hey, what's up? No, but we had... What do you mean? So we had...
Did you see that documentary about the Cecil Hotel? I know. Yes.
Yes. You saw it? Well, because I talked to Matty Matheson about it.
You guys talked about it. We've all been talking about it.
Yeah, yeah. Who's Matty Matheson? The fat idiot chef that you had on that show.
The fat guy. The fat chef.
He's not – also, by the way, he's not fat. I know.
He's just – He's just rotund. Rotund.
Right. He's rotund.
Thicky, thicky, thick boy. Yeah.
Yeah. He looks like the Kool-Aid man.
Yeah, but anybody that wants to watch a good documentary should watch the Vietnam War one because of the fact that it was just bonkers, man. It's nuts, right? What do you mean? No, but I'm just saying that's the thing that— How did this start? me ask you the vietnam war yeah the vietnam war

was started honestly a small argument in a chess game here at bad friends we love to talk about history we would also like to point out that we don't read books while convincing to some the following information is utter nonsense disguised as fact that's true lyndon b johnson yes he called He called one of the leaders of Vietnam, because they have leaders. Yeah.
He called him a bitch. And who was the most famous leader of North Vietnam? He's very famous.
Pad Thai. Isn't it chicken pad Thai? Yeah, chicken pad Thai.
Chickentai was one of them. One of them, but the other guy.
It was a general.

General Cao.

General Cao.

Cao Cao.

General Cao.

Depends how you want to say it.

And what was his assistant?

Mango Sticky Rice.

Mango Sticky Rice, yeah.

I loved him.

Yeah.

Vietnam War was a war we didn't belong in.

It wasn't...

But tell me why it started.

Why it started?

Yeah.

Why any war starts.

How? Land. You don't know! It's why it started.
Why it started? Yeah. Why any war starts.
How?

Land.

You don't know!

It's all about land.

You don't know!

You really don't know!

It's about land.

It's not about land.

It's about religion and land.

It's about religion and land.

It kind of...

Every war is about religion and land.

I know, but you don't really know.

You're just throwing out, like, blankets.

Because here's why.

Because the Vietnamese, right?

The Viet Cong, first of all.

Wow!

The Viet Cong was having a coup and uprising against the government, right? We stepped in and we took them down. I'm going to come in here, Viet Cong.
That's not what happened. Wung Chang.
That's not what happened. What really happened was in Vietnam, the Vietnamese war was not our war, but we intervened.
We intervened in the war. That's right.
We intervened in their war. We stepped in to help save part of the issue that was going on in Nepal.
Everybody knows the Napolese. The Napolese were the insidiary partnership crew of the Vietnamese war.
See, this is what you're doing. See, Jules, learn.
She's not even here. Look at her.
She's not even. She has a fucking gavel, right? What, do you judge Judy all of a sudden? What the fuck are you doing? No, I was listening.
What were you talking about? The Vietnam War. No, yeah, right.
Easy guess. Let me ask you about the Vietnam War.
We're always talking about the Vietnam War.

I don't know how it started, but it's about like communists and anti-communists and then the north and south.

Very good.

Yeah.

Closer.

No, I know.

It's about north versus south, but not communism.

One more.

The other one.

Come on.

Racism.

Well, that's always going to be there.

That's going to be there always.

I don't know.

It's fine.

Fascism.

Fascism.

What it was about was... Were there Nazis?

No, there was no Nazis.

Because I think there was.

There were no fucking Nazis.

You know how today people are saying that there was Nazis that were Trump supporters? How do you not know there weren't Nazis back then in Vietnam? There could have been a couple of Nazis rolling around. Essentially, the war is the Vietnamese trying to get from under an oppressive— Government rule.
No, no, colonization. So the French colonized Vietnam for 60 years.
Yeah, God bless. God bless the French.
And obviously the Vietnamese when you're occupied by a European nation, you want to have independence. By the way, the weakest.
How did France fuck you up? Get on the ground and I will hit you. I will hit you with a baguette.
I hit you with a piece of cheese.

You're a naughty boy.

Get on the ground.

Bang, bang, boop, boop.

I am tough guy, France.

Weakest country in Western Europe.

Go ahead.

That's fine.

I'm just telling you what happened.

It is true.

Right.

And then a little thing called World War II happened.

One of the coolest wars, by the way.

Well, not as good as Vietnam, but pretty good. No way.
World War II was way cooler. World War II didn't have the music or the culture and black people.
I love black people. Because you know how they write stuff on their helmet? Right, like...
This shit gnarly, dog. Are they Mexican and black? I don't know.
This shit gnarly, eh? Eh, bro, fucking gnarly. That's a Mexican surfer.

Eh, fucking Hankton gnarly.

Yeah, yeah.

Because they would write messages on their helmet.

Right.

Like, I would put, like, a question mark.

Is it hot in here?

It's not.

We're doing fine.

No, I am hot.

I want to teach you about the Vietnam War, man.

Oh, please, please, please.

Sorry.

So, World War II came along.

See, but, dude, when they were being occupied by France, dudes left. What do you mean who left? Just Vietnamese citizens escaped the country.
Right, they fled. They fled.
They were like, we're out of here. One dude that left was a young dude.
His name is Ho Chi Minh. Right, made a trail.
Right. So he was like the main dude.

He was... Ho Chi Minh's trail

was the freedom trail for Vietnamese

similar to the Underground Railroad

during slavery times. It was a trail that

you could go through Cambodia and whatnot

to bring supplies to the south.

Was it well marked? Well, they would

bombard it, right? Americans

would fly over it and try to destroy

some of these pathways. But the Asians, we have good work ethic.
Very good. You rebuild stuff.
You know what I mean? I build another bridge. Right, and they just built a bridge.
You know what I mean? Blow it up again. I build another one.
You know what I mean? Why is that? You guys are so good at rebuilding. We're good at rebuilding.
Like Japan was rebuilt in like 60 days. What? I think after the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, it was like 60 days later.

Because Godzilla, too.

When he's wrecking through town.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So Godzilla.

He's knocking over buildings.

Mothra fucked it up.

Yep.

Like Mothra would burn down a fucking town and they were, oh, let's build it.

You have to build it again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is it true that the –

Name me another monster from the Godzilla universe.

There's a third one that's very famous. There's actually two more that are very famous.
Two more? Yeah. So you have Mothra, Godzilla.
What's the other one? Andres? What kind of fucking monster is that? He's like a sensitive little Spanish. Yeah, yeah.
I put your building down. Yeah, yeah.
I put your building down. No, there was Rodan.
Oh, Rodan. Do you remember Rodan? Yeah, I do.
Okay. So anyway...
Are you going to see that Godzilla versus King Kong? Did you see the trailer? Good. It looks pretty cool.
I know, but... I want to see it.
There was one right before it called The King of Monsters. I know.
You see that one? Yeah. Terrible.
It wasn't terrible. It was fucking terrible.
It wasn't good. It wasn't good at all.
But visually it was kind of cool. The 2014 Godzilla movie was great.
It was awesome. Why? Why was it good? Yeah.
It was just a good movie. I don't know.
Great casting. We had Cranston in it.
Actors were good. Brian Cranston was in it.
Story was actually okay. Right.
The story was great. I'll tell you why.
It all boils down to not revealing godzilla you know i mean you can't just have them in the first shot they made them very mysterious like yeah the first shot of godzilla i think full shot was in that hawaiian scene where they're throwing out those flares yeah the camera would follow the flares yes i remember that over godzilla's body and it looked like a little yeah like a bing he would he would flick them up and so that's what I liked about that one but then King of Monsters was just monsters and monsters and you're constantly seeing them there's no mystery creatures of great size or any kind of, you think it's cooler when we don't show it? Yeah. It's sexier.
In horror movies, it's the same thing. It's like in Hereditary, right? They would have a wide shot.
And you wouldn't really know exactly what you were looking at, but you knew that you were scared. There was no music.
What would they call them? Scare. What would they call them? Jump scares.
What? Jump scares. Jump scares.
Yeah. You know how they use music? I know.
Jump scares. He went to film school.
I know he did. I know.
And I didn't like his tone. Yeah.
Jump scares. went up to his mic and he went, yum, scared.

Yeah, like an asshole.

So cocky.

So cocky.

Right, but they let you sit in silence with a wide shot.

And this is what your eyes are doing the whole time.

You're searching to find on the screen where the thing is.

And then maybe you see the corner of the screen.

Ah, what is that?

What is that?

Yeah, and it's just a doll sitting on a fucking, you know.

It's nothing. It's just it's been there the whole time.
You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a normal doll.
It's just a doll. When they do that, when they make you find it, oh, that's sexy.
It's so good. It's so creepy.
It's so good. So, you know, that's what I like about horror movies as well.
Like, I just don't reveal it. I made a movie, a feature film, a horror film that is coming out next week.
This is real. And I wanted to show you the trailer.
Okay. Yeah.
And see what you guys think. All right.
By the way, you know what this means? He's like, this is not for us. He wants to plug it on our show.
He's going to plug it. Also, I'm a little mad that we weren't in it or a part of it at all.
I wasn't able to audition or read for it. You know when he told me about it? When? Today.
When did you shoot this? A couple years ago. Oh, so he wasn't on.
Yeah, but he could have thought about us then. Yeah, I know he did.
He could have at least thought about it. He knew who we were.
Yeah. If there's people in it I know, though, I might...
I'm going to be pissed. Snap.
Play the trailer. Go ahead.
Oh, you got signed Simon Vertical. Seriously? Yeah.

That's great.

Oh, that's great.

All right, let's play it. Hey, Dad.
Go get your tools. We'll meet you in a truck.
I like him. Eric? By the way, that could have been me.
I'm looking for directions.

Shokum Hills?

You never heard of him?

That could have been me.

What are you expecting to find here?

Even with the Great Fire, people don't just disappear.

Something else happened.

What are you doing here?

We shouldn't be here.

I want them gone.

Why do you need private security for a scientific expedition?

Aiden Canto.

Say for what?

Jonathan Sadowski.

Two people I know.

Pissed off.

Hearing something down there.

Tell us that. Jonathan Sadowski.
Turn it up. Listen to this.
What is that? This doesn't feel right. Turn it up! Turn it up! Terry! Did you hear that? What was that thing? How long has this been open? We do security and protection work.
What is it you protect? You. He took my son.
And I've been fighting him ever since. Shh.
Listen. What is that? I hear something.
No! This isn't good good no matter what you do

don't let him grab you

get me out of here

get up

I got you

directed by who?

Brad Parker

who the fuck's Brad Parker?

he did a movie called The Chernovel Diaries

I thought you said you directed this

I'm going to go ahead and get it. Directed by who? Brad Parker.
Who the fuck's Brad Parker?

He did a movie called The Chernobyl Diaries.

I thought you said you directed this.

No, I produced it.

Okay.

What's your name on it?

Stop, stop.

Don't move, because I'm looking at all the names there.

Alejandro, there he is.

Andres for Sunday.

Thank you, Bobby.

Oh, Andres.

Produced by Julio Halves, Diego Halves brothers. Yeah.
Alejandro de Leon. Yeah.
Andres. And Andres is last.
He's last. Last is always the most important one.
So you produce that. Yep.
Can we get the location on that warehouse? Yeah. You know what I mean? That's making that phone call.
Yeah. Yo, how much much can we get it for? Well, how about $800 a day? How about $750? You got a deal.
You got a deal. And then all of a sudden, can I get my name on the fucking poster? Fine.
Yeah. Andre, that's what he did.
Yeah. I'm going for a coffee run.
Does anybody want to? Yeah. All right.
Yeah, I'll take a matcha latte. Can I say this? It looked good.
It looked pretty good. But also, did I call it out?

Lookit, I called it out.

Jonathan Zadowski, who I know very well.

Aiden Canto was in the first sitcom I ever did.

Wow.

Little rude.

Little rude.

Little rude. Will Patton's a legend.

Will Patton.

Legend.

It looks really good, though.

It actually looks really, really good.

Yeah.

How can people see this, Andres?

March 5th is coming out.

iTunes and everything. Let him plug it.
iTunes, March 5th. You guys go watch The Devil Below.
Yeah. That looks great, Andres.
That looks great, dude. Honestly, brother.
Congratulations. March 5th.
Everyone go watch that March 5th from your home, from the comfort of your home. So did you get funding for that, or how are you a producer on this? Creative.
I developed this script for a couple years, and then I partnered with a producer who had a film fund attached, so we found it that way. Those guys, the fund is from? The Hollywood Brothers.
Mexico, right? Mexico. Are they the guys that are connected to Jose Cuervo? No.
Because there's two guys that are connected to that family that are big funders in Hollywood that have a lot of money. What's their money from, the Halvis brothers? They don't have any money, meaning they grind it out and finance years in L.A.
And then I made another movie with them that is coming out probably later this year. But yeah.
This is something that people aren't really aware of in the real world. Something that I'm privy to.
You are, Andres knows more than all of us. Fans need to know this, though, that there's a world of indie market movies that are really good movies.
Like this. Very well done.
Well produced. Well written.
Good actors. But they get shuffled around because it takes so long to get money for them.
Because the funding comes and goes. It's hard to find people that are willing to finance and keep their money in there.
They need to have interests that have pre-sales. So like these guys, the Halvis Brothers know Aiden Canto is an international sensation in the Spanish market.
They can already pre-sell it in the Spanish market. That's why they do that.
Then they get – what's the girl's name? Alicia Sands. Alicia Sands.
Same thing. So these guys know, oh, if we can bait the Spanish market with this, then we can kind of fill it in as well with other names and that'll attract other people and then they'll grow and market markets.
But what people don't know about this, and I'm being genuine, that's so impressive is these are so fucking hard to get done. This is impossible.
On paper, it's impossible. So I'm – So congrats, Andres.
Congrats, Andres. Thank you, guys.
Because I'm attached to a movie that they're trying to get off the ground with some credible people involved. And they're having a difficult time financing it.
It's so hard. Yeah.
And there's like huge producers and huge actors involved in it. Yeah.
And they're like, we're just finding financing. Okay.
I've told this story before, but i'll do it fast i had a movie that we wrote that channing tatum was producing okay that you and channing wrote no me and about me and my me and my writing partner nick you know nick you know nicky yeah nicky nicky who christ you know nicky oh the one that made me want to audition for his movie 100 didn't get it um you did get it but they went with somebody You got it, but they went with someone else. No.
Steven Yeun. He calls me and he says, just let me just say about Nick.
Okay. Because I have to get this out.
Say it. He listens.
He's listening. I love him so much.
Nick. I met Nick.
He was producing a reality show or something, a game show. Maybe years ago.
Years ago on MTV or mtv or something yeah i met him that way he's one of those kind of guys once you see him you just fake mouth kiss yeah you want it you want we do we do we just do fake mouth kiss he's like a funny guy he is very funny he's just one of the funniest guys yes you can tell that he's hip he's very cool he calls me up and he goes hey yeah finally you gotta audition but that wasn't his terms it wasn't his terms Nick and I wrote this thing we had it with Channing Tatum's company and it was cast already Alexandra Dadaria was gonna be the girl in that who's fucking massive Lil Rel, Lil Rel Howie Rel was gonna be the other guy in it already alone yeah right we had all of those elements channington's company huge already had to deal with sony those two actors we had got signed on ourself yeah took daddario to fucking chateau and outside just was like please do this fucking movie like we'll do anything you're perfect and she was like i actually loved it sunk both of these people we got financing i'm like we're about to make this is going to be incredible this is the hardest year i've ever spent doing this and the other two years writing it and perfecting it and and then we get a call one day they're like i don't think chan's going to be able to do it i just don't think we're going to be able to do it the fight we had some finance drop out it's just we can't finish it it's just not going to happen and i was like right this is what happens all the time all the time yeah all the names all the numbers all the pieces Right, right, right, right, this is what happens all the time. All the time.
All the time. Yeah.
All the names, all the numbers, all the pieces. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.
And then one little shoe drops and it's like, no, it's over. Yeah, I think that you might be able to do it now, though.
I think the market, because of streaming and whatnot, I think right now, I think you should, you and Nick should revisit it. Maybe.
We'll try. I'm going to do a movie after Davey.
I'm going to do a movie with Lamorne Morris. Congratulations.
Thanks, man. Are you really? Well, it's not done yet, but we're trying.
Yeah. So who's working? We're literally trying to make it.
I know, but who's working? I'm working. Back to the Vietnam War, though.
Time out. Yeah.
And there's no – Vietnam is on – where is it? Is on Netflix the documentary? I don't know. It would be cool if David Attenborough did it.
I didn't get it on Hulu. I didn't watch it on Hulu.
But anyway, let's go back to Vietnam. The Vietnamese stormed their way through the jungle, met with great opposition from the Americans, helping them out, wielding their weapons at bay um, Ho Chi Minh.
Oh, right. Ho Chi Minh had a trail.
How did he note the trail? What do you mean? How did people know that that was the path? Did he mark it like breadcrumbs for Hansel and Gretel? Did he leave little fortune cookies along the way? No. He's just, you know, like the 101.
You know where the 101 is? Well, because it's a fucking freeway with signs. Yeah, and it's not as if it's like, there's dirt, roads.
But wait a minute. How do people know what Ho Chi Minh's trail is? How? There's signs.
One says, Ho Chi Minh's trail, the other one says Sunset Boulevard. You know what I mean? There's a street sign.
So he hammered in signs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get it. And it has a little arrow like, you know, Hanoi, 92,000 miles this way.
This way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's like little signs. So Ho Chi Minh's trail got people to Cambodia to escape persecution.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm just trying to learn.
You're not listening though. So the Russians and the Chinese was funding North Vietnam.

Because of communism, yes.

Right.

By the way, USSR, shout out.

Hammer and sick.

They would bring supplies and whatnot down the Ho Chi Minh Trail and whatnot.

But what's fascinating about, you know what I mean?

Am I boring you?

No, no, no.

I love this.

I just think it's funny to hear people at home listening to complete morons talking about history no I'm true see here's the thing and I detest what you just said you should okay is people think that I'm a moron right? which I am you are I'm obviously a moron yeah yeah yeah yeah but you know I still can watch stuff and absorb information that's why I want you to feed me and that's what I'm doing Right. But then you're shaming me because I'm a fucking idiot.
No, no, no. We're idiots.
This is just a two-way. This is ACDC.
I see. This is alternating currents of idiocy.
By the way. I'm probably, you know, first of all, this information that I'm telling you right now.
I'm sorry. I've been mumbling to myself, right, for eight hours because I want to talk about it.
All right, let's keep going. So I'm literally going,

okay, no, that's not what happened.

Let's keep going.

And you already fucked up my order.

I didn't.

I didn't.

So let me just get back into it.

Get back, baby.

It looks like Alfred Hitchcock is kissing your titty,

by the way, and that shirt.

It looks like he's kissing your tit, your right tit.

That's Alfred Hitchcock?

I'm kidding.

No, a piece of you didn't know. No, it's this Orson Welles theater here.
That's Hitchcock. That's Hitchcock's I'm kidding.
No, a piece of you didn't know.

No, it's this Orson Welles theater here on the fucking thing.

That's Hitchcock.

That's Hitchcock's symbol.

Yeah, I know.

Didn't know.

Yeah, you said it.

Didn't know.

I didn't know!

You didn't know.

I didn't know!

Did you think it was Orson Welles?

Yeah.

That's so sad.

I know, because it's Orson Welles cinema.

Okay, teach me more about Vietnam.

Oh, God, I wish you didn't do that. You did that with that Scorpions t-shirt.
Mm-hmm. And now you did it with the Orson Welles Cinema.
Okay, teach me more about Vietnam. Oh, God, I wish you didn't do that.

You did that with that Scorpions t-shirt.

And now you did it with the Orson Welles.

By the way, what's the kid's name?

The Spaniard guy?

What is his name?

Fancy B.

Fancy.

When you saw that shirt, what did you think?

When you saw his Hitchcock shirt, what did you think?

I thought Bobby was really cool with Alfred Hitchcock on it. See? Impressive.
He likes you. I know he does.
As much as you don't like him, he likes you. I love him.
What are you talking about? You do? Yeah, deeply. Because he's a sweet guy.
I love him. Okay, I need to get back to learning.
Are you paying attention? Really? Yeah. What have you learned so far about the Vietnam War? Yeah.
Ho Minh Ho Chi Minh's trail Oh get real That's not What does that even mean? You're just repeating a thing that exists You're not here I am I'm doing something So I can concentrate on you What are you doing? What are you doing? Picking on my nails Yeah You know what she said earlier too Like I go Get in the car and come over She goes I have to do my eye up and I'll I go what? I have to do my eye's preparing for her future i mean you could be you could be a threader girl right and she's in the mirror going i need to put eyebrow on my face wait what is it do you paint your eyebrows no eyebrow she says yeah that's so mean and that's so mean but also earlier today um but they look nice they They look great look great but today's a sad day for her too why why because we've been fostering homeless dogs yeah I know I see it on the internet the picture of the dog's teeth that you posted what did you write cute teeth or something it looks like a meth head's teeth. I know.
And that's what I want to tell her. So what I was telling her, I go, because I didn't, we foster so many animals.
These ones, I feel bad, but I didn't really want to get to know. Well, because, no, that's because you didn't want to lose them.
You don't want it to get close. We had the puppy four months ago.
All right. I fell in love with that guy.
Yeah. Got rid of him.
Yeah. Right? Made a little sandwich out of him.
And it was... Yeah.
A little tenderloin. And then we had a...
What's the... A German Shepherd.
Cora. I love German Shepherds.
So we had a beautiful... He came in here, right? No.
And here was the... Oh, no.
Yeah. Yeah, the shepherd.
Yeah, so the German shepherd, right? And luckily the German shepherd's at Kalilah's mother's house. They took him in.
Oh, that's awesome. So we get to see her.
And then they said – so I'm flying in from Hawaii. And as I land at the airport – this is bullshit, by the way.
I get a text. We have two new dogs.
Anyway, you were in the plane, so I couldn't confirm it with you. So we have them.
So bullshit, right? Could have sent it before I left Hawaii. Exactly.
And number two, they go, it's homeless dogs. As soon as she said homeless dogs.
That was out. That was out.
And I was telling her. They're between residences, dogs.
Yeah, and I was telling her, though, I go, you know, if you wanted a roommate, right, would you want, you know, someone like us, you know what I mean? Someone like a part of society? Or would you want a homeless person, right? Honestly? Yeah. Homeless guy.
Why? Because he's going to appreciate it more. Yeah, but he's not going to be able to pay rent.

Right.

That's the problem.

But you can put him to work.

Right.

You can put him to work.

No.

Yeah.

I kind of lived with a homeless person in the late 90s.

We were all homeless when we started comedy.

No, but a legitimate one.

Yeah.

A legitimate one.

His name was Dave.

We called him Hippie Dave.

I like Hippie Dave.

Yeah, and Hippie Dave stayed in our house in Silver Lake. But he used to do meth, and he used to clean our house with a toothbrush.
And how clean was it? Great. So I'm just saying.
So if you put meth in there. Drugs, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Got to have some drugs in there to clean up.
By the way, we're not homeless shaming. We're not shaming homeless people.
If you don't have a home, you are just as valued. And Bobby obviously would rather have someone who came from a home before.
Myself? Yeah. I'd rather have someone else.
I feel bad because my theory on the two dogs is probably wrong. Right? Julian, I'm so sorry that I didn't get to know those dogs.
You know, I just couldn't emotionally do it anymore because I get emotionally attached

to these animals and I give them away.

And it really breaks me.

Stop picking your nails.

God damn it!

No, I'm listening!

She's had a hard day.

Because she's the sole provider of these dogs.

You're having a tough day because

the dogs are gone?

That makes me sad.

That's not why. No, why? Huh? What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Are you on drugs? No, I'm listening.
I need to focus on something so that I can be more focused on you. Oh, really? By picking your nails? Yeah.
So how do you feel about the dogs the dogs? I feel sad, but when I saw the guy, he looked like he could, like... He was trustworthy.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, he was a New York comic. Oh, who was it? Yeah, he's friends with DeStefano, the one that gave us the shit earlier.
Wait, really? Yeah. And he took which dog? Both.
Both. Oh, really? Mm-hmm.
But you said earlier you liked his voice. Yeah.
Yeah. What'd he sound like? Hey, forget about it, man.
Oh, yeah. He was a forget about it pizzeria? I got it.
I got it. I got it.
You guys take off. You guys take off.
You're the best. Honestly, you're the best at impressions.
You know what, dude? That's New York. That's New York.
I love. Do New York.
Hey, forget about it, man. Hey, forget about it.
Yeah, yeah. Say in a New York accent, where's the closest pizza spot? Hey, where's the closest pizza spot? Perfect.
Yeah. How do I get to the L train? Hey, how do I get to the L train? Bada boom, bada bing.
That's how you do it. Bada boom, bada bing is a code.
You got to throw in those. Mm-hmm.
Forget about it. You got to say that.
It's forget about it. Forget about it.

Forget about it.

I can't do voices, man. It's a run-on.
It's so funny because

when I was on MADtv, they would go,

can you play an Irish guy? I go, no.

Let's hear your Irish accent. Do what I'll try to mimic it.

Well, Ireland kind of sounds like...

Ireland and Cotone. Oh, that was close.

Pretty good. Like Conor McGregor.

Conor McGregor. All you have to do is speak fast and up.
Conor McGregor. Conor McGregor.
Oh, it's Conor McGregor. Conor McGregor.
Oh, there he is. It's Conor McGregor.
Oh, there he is. Quite a fighter.
Oh, there he is. Conor McGregor.
Up at the end. Conor McGregor.
Quite a fighter. There he is.
Conor McGregor. That's so good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say, quite a fighter.
Quite a fighter. Quite a fighter.
Quite a fighter. At some point now, you're going back to Asia.
Quite a fighter. Quite a fighter.
You do it. No.
Yeah, try, try, try. I'm so bad.
No. You did almost just terrible.
He did a great job. I did it, so try it.
Conor McGregor. Say, oh, it's Conor McGregor No it's so hard It's not No it is You have to do it You have to do it Can I say Mary Ann You can say Oh look it's Mary Ann Yeah Go Oh look Oh look in the corner It's Mary Ann Oh um It's so hard To try Oh's Marianne.
No, I'm just going to say the name. Okay, go on.
Marianne. That's pretty good.
Marianne. Marianne.
Oh, look, it's Marianne. Oh, it's Conor McGregor.
Say that real fast. Oh, it's Conor McGregor.
Oh, it's Conor McGregor. Perfect.
Perfect. That's good.
Give me another accent. Can you do Canada? Do it.
Well, I'm from Canada. Up here we have Big Moose.
I'm from Canada. It's always Asian with you.
I resent that because of the fact, I think you're just looking at my face. Well, let me close my eyes and do it.
Ready? So repeat after me. Go, up here in Canada, we drink Molson.
We drink Molson. Now you're Irish and Asian.
Do fancies. Do Spanish.
I have to repeat it. I'm good at mimicking.
Let him speak and then mimic what he says. Hey guys, how How are you doing? Hey, guys.
How are you doing?

No.

Give him a real phrase.

Give him something that he can hold on to.

I love Andrew so much.

His comedy is much better than mine.

I like Andrew so much.

His comedy is much better than mine.

See, that's good.

That's close.

Are you being real?

That's really good.

I don't think so.

No, I'm serious.

That's a little closer to Mexican than Spanish.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it's good.

I like Andrew's comedy. It's much better than mine.
Perfect. Yeah, thank you.
That's perfect. closer to Mexican than Spanish Yeah, yeah, yeah But it's good I like Andrew's comedy It's much better than mine Perfect Yeah, thank you That's perfect Yeah, you do it I like Andrew's comedy No, Andres is Yeah Because of fancy Sometimes they do the A Sometimes they do the A Fancy B Fancy B I Finance advice Very good Okay, time out I want to go back because I still need to learn about Vietnam.
We stopped at Ho Chi Minh. Ho Chi Minh's trail.
Basically, Vietnam was an unwinnable war. For America.
Yeah, we had no chance. No matter how many people we fucking threw in there, soldiers, right? First of all, the kids that we sent there were— 17 18 no they were the young obviously but um they were always um low-income kids right usually minorities you know i mean poor white people poor italians you know just poor poor people poor people yeah and then um they were um my uncle really yeah he was a nom did he die he's alive not only is he alive.
The only thing he took uncle. He was at NAMM.
Did he die? He's alive.

Not only is he alive, the only thing he took back from NAMM was a severe heroin addiction. So it turned out pretty good.
Yeah. No, seriously, that's real.
And he smoked unfiltered Paul Malls. You know what that is? Yeah.
Unfiltered, he would smoke them. It's insane.
It's just smoking. You're smoking cancer.
Yeah, you're smoking cancer. You're cancer.
So, but what was, I mean, imagine being, you know, you're 18, 19 years old and you're, I mean, imagine what we were doing at 18, 19. We were like, should I go, what am I going to do? Go to college? What's going on with my life? I was getting drunk and stoned.
Yeah, yeah. But imagine like picking up organs of your friend, right? And putting it in body bags while like the Viet Cong is just shooting at you yeah i mean it's just insane and you're in the middle of a by the way you're in the middle of a beautiful place right like vietnam beautiful so the juxtaposition of like seasons and now well that's not where they stayed during vietnam they didn't have one they didn't have the four seasons i'd say they had the one season they had one season but they stay in the middle of this beautiful jungle.
I thought about that when I saw Forrest Gump that I was like,

how crazy that this is like paradise. And these kids from all over the country in the U S go to paradise for the

first time,

but it's bullets all day long.

Yeah.

And they were,

and they were also sent into battles that were unwinnable.

Well,

they were,

we want you to take that hill.

Yeah.

But they're,

you know,

they're,

they're up there.

Do it.

What do you mean? Just get up there and do it. We need that hill.
And then once they would take the hill and they would lose 80 of their friends, right? The military would be like, okay, we got it. Let's go.
They're like, we're not going to do that. At least put a sign up.
Nah, we got it. It's nothing.
What about Agent Orange? Wasn't that from Vietnam? Loved it. Great clone.
No.

Yeah, they would burn your skin. And they would just canopy drop it all over the- And it would just destroy foliage.
And that's what gives people- Lung lungs. Lung cancer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then after that, after Vietnam, people would come back and then they would hang out of VFWs and they would get Legionnaire's disease.
What is that? Legionnaire's disease? No. Google it, George.

Legionnaire's disease is genuinely Legion from like Legions, like VFWs.

They would get this infection in their lungs from the air conditioning units not being cleaned.

Oh, my Lord.

Legionnaire's disease, right?

Mm-hmm.

Symptoms and causes.

Well, Legionnaire's disease is inhaling the bacteria from water or soil. Bacterium legionella.
It had nothing to do with the legion. It's the bacteria name.
I was born with harlequin itchiosis. No, you weren't, because I've seen it.
We've shown it on this show, and you weren't. Damn it.
No, you were not. Hey, you remember the bit

that we did last week

about the Confederate

Robert E. Lee?

Yeah.

I think we want to do it.

Who's we?

We're going to make it.

Fancy B wants to make it.

Maybe a sketch

or a real series?

I was thinking

a short first.

We do like a short.

It's always a short first.

Well.

So it doesn't fail.

He's a good director, though. He directed

a YouTube video of mine.

Do you still have that video?

Yes. What's it called?

The Emperor of the World.

Emperor of the World. And it's basically what I would do

if I was the Emperor of the World.

You know what I mean?

If Bobby Lee was the Emperor of the World. I'd kill myself.

And I'd walk into a liquor store.

Witness greatness.

Behold the emperor of the world. When was this? This is right after MAD, maybe three or four years after MAD TV.
And Fancy directed it? So I was like, I didn't know what to do so I would call around and go, what do I do? Yeah. And my friend Lisa.
Lisa Bonet. No, Lisa Nova.
Lisa Donovan, right? She started a company called Maker. She was a YouTuber.
Yes. Lisa Nova.
Lisa Nova. And she said, come to my company and we'll just do sketches.
So I would show up at this, you know. I remember.
And that's how I met George. It was in Culver City.
Right. In Culver City.
I remember it. Yeah, you remember.
In the warehouse district. Yeah, and I used to do that talk show there as well.
Yeah. And I remember I met him.
I don't remember, but... PD.
Yeah. Well, George goes, I have a friend who's going to direct it.
So I showed up, and I vaguely remember him, and I shot the sketch. And then we only did one.
So do you entrust him to make a sketch with us now? I think that he has the skills. Well, let's be more sure than think.
If we're going to entrust a sketch to do something for us. I think he can do it.
He went to film school, right? Yes. Which one though? Columbia University.
That's good. That's actually good.
That's a good one, right? No, that's good. Yeah, USC would be better.
By far. And.
And he's going to try to argue, well, no, the program is actually not as good. Is there a time period that you can teach me about? Of course.
Like a war? Yeah. Well, a war, maybe not a war.
Okay. Well, how about this? You want to stick in the Asian stuff? Yeah, yeah.
The Great Wall of China. How much do you know about the Great Wall of China? Nothing.
You know nothing about it? I know it's there. Why was it erected?

What? Why was it erected?

Well, obviously, just making an assumption to separate two bodies

of lands. Correct.
Okay.

But what bodies of land?

North and south? I don't know.

East and west. Okay, east and west.

I was close. Don't

be diminutive. Don't laugh at me.

I was close. It could have been either one.
Right. There's only four ways to go.
Yeah. So I made a guess, right? And I said east and west.
So you said north and south. That's what I meant.
It was east and west. Why do they want two sides divided? Maybe there was two different kingdoms.
Not called kingdoms. They're called...
Embassies.

Chinese.

Come on.

Okay, they're called dynasties.

Dynasties.

That's right.

Am I right?

That's exactly right.

Separate... So there's two different dynasties.

Probably Ming.

Ming and...

Ping.

Wing.

Ming and Ping.

Ming and Wing.

Ping and Pong.

Just say Ping and Pong.

It's where Yin and Yang came from.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ming is white and... All right, so there's two.
There's Ming dynasty and there's another dynasty. Ming and Wing.
Ping and Pong. Just say Ping and Pong.
It's where yin and yang came from. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ming is white,

and Ping is Ping and Pong.

All right,

so there's two,

there's Ming dynasty,

and there's another dynasty.

It's Wing.

Wing dynasty.

Ming and Wing.

And so they separated it

with the wall.

Which was a joke they used to say,

look at the East Wing dynasty,

get it?

Because it was on the east side

of the wall.

So Ming and Wing,

what happened was,

these two emperors

were fighting, right?

If you're making this up right now,

it's because,

because I really want to learn. I am giving it to you.
I know, but I feel like you're making it up right now... Not.
Because I really want to learn.

I am giving it to you.

I know, but I feel like

you're making it up, though.

I'm not.

There's no fucking wing nothing.

What do you mean?

Ming and...

The wing dynasty?

The Ming, I've heard of.

I've never heard of wing.

You've never heard of the wing dynasty?

No, no, no.

Fellas, am I lying or what?

Ming and wing dynasty.

Okay.

What happened was,

all right,

these two emperors hated each other.

This is the creepiest part.

Uh-huh. Their sisters were in love.
Oh, yeah. They were in love.
Wait, wait, wait. So the Ming was the emperor.
Bong Ming. Bong Ming? No, no.
That's the sister, Bong. Oh, so the sister was Bong.
Bong Ming. Yeah, like the wing sister.
One of the wing sisters. And I don't remember because there was triplets.
There was three wing sisters. But Bong Ming, I do remember her.
Bong Ming loved one of the wing triplets. They caught them making love.
Scissoring. Scissoring.
Well, I don't know what it was called in Chinese, but chopstick. They were chopstick.
And anyway. That was crazy that you would say something like that.
They were sticking. that that was insane Bong Ming and one of the wings making love these two emperors let me just stop for a second so let me just get this straight so the wing had three sisters the emperor had three sisters hadplets.
They were triplets. Correct.
Okay. And the Ming dynasty had one.
One girl. Named Bong.
Bong Ming. Bong Ming.
Bong Ming, right, was scissoring one of these girls. She was chopped, chopsticking.
I'm chopped, my bad. She was chopsticking.
They were chopsticking one of these sisters. The middle child, I think.
You don't know for sure. I'm not positive because I'm not.
They look the same. It could have been either one.
They were triplets. Yeah, exactly.
They didn't look the same because they were Asian. No, it was triplets.
So it could have been anybody. True, true.
Right, right. So anyway, they were hooking up.
These two emperors caught wind of it. And he said, I refuse my sister to go to your palace anymore.
And he says, I don't want your sister to come to my palace anymore because bong is trash. Wow.
Bong is trash. He said that you know, what is that? A couple thousand years ago? No, let me ask you this though.
Would they obviously they didn't get together at like, you know what I mean, an Applebee is to talk. Oh, you mean how did they communicate? Through pigeons or something.
They would open up a letter. There are no pigeons in China.
Instead, there are ferrets. Ferrets.
What are they? Doves? Doves? What? Chinese geese. A Chinese goose.
I didn't know. Come on.
So they would send Chinese geese to the air with notes on them to get to each palace. Yeah.
It just seems like a long time. For a Chinese goose?

Yeah, to fly over.

It seems like- They fly 180 miles an hour.

No, they don't.

I've seen these.

And they're pretty-

That would probably take eight years.

Have you seen a Chinese goose?

Then you don't know what you're talking about.

Okay, I'm sorry.

It's a 55-foot wingspan.

They're huge.

It's the size of an airplane, basically.

Okay.

Small airplane.

So they send it back and forth.

They're noting back and forth saying,

I don't want my sister to go over here.

He said, I don't want her to come over here.

Piece of shit.

I don't want her over here.

How about that?

I'll be back. It's the size of an airplane, basically.
Small airplane. So they send it back and forth, their note, and back and forth saying, I don't want my sister to go over here.
He said, I don't want her to come over here. Piece of shit.
I don't want her over here. How about that, bitch? And he goes, oh, you know what? Now, you know what? Now I'm going to send my fucking triplets over.
So he says, hey, try to get over to my land and see what happens. So Donald Trump, remember how he said, build the wall? That's what that came from.
Bong Ming's brother was the first one that invented build the wall. It's really hard to believe.
What? That they would erect that wall. That thing took a hundred years to fucking put up.
Because initially it just was to block the two dynasties, east and west. But at some point he got a little cocky and was like, I want people.
You know how long China is? It's huge. Right.
But he said, I want people to see this from space. So how long does that fucking wall take to build? Well, this is unbeknownst knowledge to a lot of people.
The first chunk of the wall, the first mile and a half was popsicle sticks. It was made of popsicle sticks and Elmer's glue.
I'm dead serious. They re-erected it later with stone.
Yeah, yeah, no. You don't know anything about it, do you? No, I don't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you can see it from space.
I don't know one thing about it. I don't know anything about it, dude Bong, no, I don't know I know you can see it from space I don't know one thing about it You don't know anything about it I know people take pictures on it and it's waving I know, I know I've seen Steve-O walk on it Oh, dude Hey, I'm just gonna skate down the wall Yeah, yeah, yeah So that was just five, ten minutes of just bullshit No, some of it's true None of it is I think Ming, I think Bong Ming is real Bong Ming, there is no Bong Ming Look up Bong Ming, please and tell me that.
No, some of it's true. None of it is.
I think Ming, I think Bong Ming is real. Bong Ming, there is no Bong Ming.
Look up Bong Ming, please, and tell me that that's not part of the Ming dynasty. Bong Ming.
Bong Ming. There.
There he is. Bong Ming.
There he is. Go to his Instagram.
There he is. Bong Ming.
There's Bong Ming. Oh, you're right.
There he is celebrating when they built the wall.

Okay.

With some buds.

Congrats.

You don't know anything about American history?

Yeah, what do you want to know?

Because I'm going to...

Honestly, because I want to learn...

So the next...

Because I know that Ken Byrne has a Civil War one.

The Civil War one is amazing.

I'm going to watch that one. All right, because I do know about that.
And then he has one about just America, like the American West. I'm going to watch that one.
I can teach you about that. Tell me about America.
About the 49ers. Do you know what the 49ers are? Football team.
Why are they called the 49ers? Because they were, well, 49ers, aren't they miners, the actual miners? That's correct. Right? And they mined for gold? That's correct.
Is that why the helmets are gold? Well, they're red and gold, but yes, gold is part of their color because of that. I'm asking you.
I'm being real. So these 49ers, they're probably Northern California.
Well, this— They would mine gold in Northern California. Santa Maria, San Yoniz Valley, yes.
The San Yoniz Valley. Yes.
Right. And then, so what do you need to teach me about them? Well, first of all, why was the gold rush in Northern California and not in Southern California? Because in Southern California, there is no gold.
Why would there be gold up there and not down here? It has something to do with mountains. I don't know why.
We don't have mountains in Southern California? But there was never a gold rush in Texas or... Of course there was.
But in Southern... I don't know.
And Texas is flat. So tell me why.
Because you said it's mountains. Well, it has to do with rivers, right? That's right.
And it has to do with... Freshwater sources.
The rivers, right, and coming from the mountaintops. Correct.
Right.

And it gathers all these minerals.

Stalagnites and stalactites.

Yeah, yeah.

It gathers all these minerals to come down, and then you would take a pan, right, and wade through the water.

Panning for gold.

You pan for gold.

It's kind of like the pasta strainer that you have at home.

Yeah, okay.

That's actually where that came from.

Yeah.

So what you're telling me is that there was a gold rush in San Diego.

There was a gold rush in San Diego.

Where?

They didn't make a lot of money.

Where?

I can't even think of a fucking river in San Diego.

Okay, first of all, you know how it's called Carlsbad?

Do you know why?

Why?

Because the gentleman that discovered Carlsbad, his name is Carl.

Yeah.

Okay?

Yeah. That was his bad lands.
The bad lands. That's where that discovered Carl's bad, his name is Carl.
Yeah. Okay? Yeah.

That was his bad lands.

The bad lands.

That's where that comes from.

Oh.

Carl's bad lands.

And so?

He bought that place just on the gold he found down there.

Yep.

I'm telling you all this is fact.

Okay.

You could look it up.

So that's about the America West.

The great American West.

You know the real reason we went West?

Why?

It wasn't to find land. What was? Why? Wasn't to find land.

What was that?

It wasn't to find land.

What is that?

Tell me.

Tell me what it is.

It wasn't to find land.

Tell me what it is, man.

It was to get away from all those guinea wops in New York.

You don't know anything. I don't know much.
you but do you watch that may watch documentaries do you watch documentaries i love documentaries yeah which ones do you like what did i just see a doc well i watched the cecil before that i watched um the social network before that i see the identical strangers oh i loved that did you really i did i love that yeah the replacement of the of yeah yeah what do you mean the guys that the two the guy that the the guy the the brothers but what happened they don't know their brothers that's's the one. Yeah.
I haven't been watching a lot of docs lately. So you've never seen that one? Salt, fat, acid heat.
Did you see identical strangers? I did. What's it about? I don't know.
It's about... No, but I do, but I don't remember.
Yeah, I'm telling you what it's about. Yeah.
It's about... I don't remember really either, but I'm going to try to,

I'm going to try to.

Bring up the image

and then I'll be able to tell you.

I'll tell you right now.

If I can see the,

the triplets

that were separated at birth.

Right.

One guy met him

and he rented the other guy

at college.

I remember this.

Right, right, right.

And then he said,

he said,

you're Dan.

And he's like,

I'm not Dan.

I'm Kevin.

He's like,

no way.

You look at your,

yeah, yeah.

I remember this.

And there was a third one.

That was right.

Yeah.

And then they tried to do

a research study on them

to find out if it was,

if it was,

if it was nurture or nature. Right.
Right. To say like, do they all smoke the same cigarettes or all that.
They were a science project basically. And then they found out that it wasn't true.
Yeah. That it was true.
They were brothers, but it wasn't true that you share these innate things. That so much of it is harbored by nature.
Correct. No, it's about nurture because didn't one of them kill themselves? No, they're all still alive.
They are right there in the photo. No, one of them died.
Did he die? Yeah. How'd he die? I think he killed himself.
How'd he do it? I don't know how... I always want to know how they did it.
Why? Because I want to know. Would the other twin do it the same way? I'll probably just ask my brother to...
You know what I would do is I would take 10 Valiums and I would just tell my brother to stick a shotgun to my mouth. Okay.
Too dark. So black.
It's like the darkest... I mean, I don't know how to...
How would you kill yourself? Jump. No, that's too dark.
Bunch of flips. I would do a bunch of...
I'd do a gainer off of a huge because there was a documentary about the Golden Gate Bridge what was that called the bridge you ever see that no dude it's the best it's about it's about how many people died building it right but there would be people that jump I remember this right and then there would be like you know what I mean a cameraman that would place a camera there that place a camera there there. And instead of going, don't do it, they would just push record.
Record. Right? And they would just do it.
They erected a net below it because so many people were jumping off of it. But one kid, right, jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.
And he broke every bone in his body. But he lived.
But he lived. And he kind of floated.
He was laying there. Did it work? Yeah.
I'm not dead And he eventually makes it to the shore And then he decided Just laying there on the beach I think I want to live Finally That's all it takes And then he got his bones back How do you get your bones back? I don't know. They healed.
The bones healed. Right? Yeah.
They were mended. They went to the hospital.
You got to. Did somebody mend them? Yeah.
A doctor. Oh, a doctor.
Right. And then he just lived a life.
But then a lot of people, like, you just die instantaneously. Well, they say you die the moment you hit the water.
Yeah. But sometimes you live.
That's weird. That guy that lived.
Yeah. Some people, more than one has lived.
Jumping off of there? Yeah. I saw this other one where it was like about how to die in Oregon.
It's about assisted suicide. Oh, right, because it's legal up there.
Yeah. Isn't that where Kevorkian is from? Yeah.
Do you know who that is? Do you know who Dr. Kevorkian, you never heard of that? Oh, he's the best.
Well, he's, I mean, one of the best in the game for sure. Yeah, in terms of that.
Suicide? Is it assisted suicide? Yeah, he's one of the best in the... He's sort of like the Amadeus Mozart of suicides.
He's revolutionary. He's...
I don't know who's better. George wants to look up.
Michigan? I didn't know he was

Michigan. Yeah, he was Michigan.
Look at how cool

he looks. Bring up his photo so

Rudy can see what he looks like. Really handsome

guy. Yeah.

If that guy was helping me, I'd ask,

are you dead? Yeah.

Sure, you're dead, right? Yeah, you seem dead.

By the way, you would walk in this guy's office, you want to kill yourself.

Yeah. Wagon that finger.
Do the one where he's

smiling below. This is the kind of guy that always looked old to me, right? Like, I feel like he looked like this when he was 30.
Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I've only seen pictures of him when he's elderly.
Yeah. Even when he's young.
Right there. Look at that one in the blue shirt.
Next down. Down below.
Next to the blue shirt. Left.
Go left. Look at that.
He's 36. Right there.
Was always old. Yeah.
So this guy got a lot of criticism for pushing for assisted suicide because he said people want to do it. We might as well help them do it so it's not – Let me ask you, Jules.
So if I was like – let's say you're a government official or whatever, right? And you're in charge of making laws. I'm And I...
I'm moving to a different country, I'll tell you that. Yeah.
I proposed a law, right, saying that, do you believe that, you know, if I want to kill myself, that it should be legal, that somebody could help me? I feel like if you have, like, severe conditions conditions that maybe that would be okay.

But if you just want to die and you're like healthy.

Yeah, no, no.

These are people that have like a chronic like disease.

That was that.

So you think that that's.

Yeah, because I think.

Yeah, they're suffering already.

Yeah.

Do you know what a suicide is at a fountain drink?

Like, like, you know what a fountain drink is?

Yeah.

When you go to like Burger King, you know what the suicide is? No. God, how does she not know? That steps? Suicide? No.
Andres, what's a suicide at a fountain drink? Nobody knows that except you. Really? George, do you know? You mix everything together.
See, he knows. What do you mean? You do all of them.
I didn't know that. You've never known that?

No, they call it the suicide?

George, you knew that, right?

Of course.

Yeah, he said that.

Andreas, you don't know that?

No.

What do they call that in Spain?

People don't do that stuff.

We don't do that anywhere else except probably in the Midwest.

Right.

You guys call it pop anyway.

It is pop.

It's not pop.

It's pop.

You know, it's just, you know, carbonated drink.

What do you call Coca-Cola?

It's pop. Carbonated drink.
You don't call it carbonate. Pardon me, may I have a carbonated drink? Yes, you may, my little noodle friend.
No, you call it soda? Yeah, so if I go to, because I go to Fun Rockers. Sure you do.
Right. Build your own burger, baby.
Yeah, but they have those fancy ones. The ones where you can make new drinks.
No, where you can get a Diet Coke, but then it gives you eight other options. That's what I'm saying.
Cherry. Lime.
Yeah, cherry. You're right.
It's dope. They have that in movie theaters.
Yeah, they have those in movie theaters. Rest in peace AMC.
So if I do that with Diet Coke, Sprite, and all that kind of stuff, then I call that a suicide. That's called a suicide.
Wow, I didn't know that know that but those fancy machines you couldn't get through all those options what do you mean the fancy machines have like 90 combinations right the old school old school ones have like six you know so you just do six yeah so it's coke usually coke diet coke sprite fanta yeah uh and then and then mr pibb and or and or dr pepper because they're independent Right. The girl that used to live behind me, her dad worked at RC Cola.
Remember RC Cola? And it went away. Why did they take it away from us? Let me tell you something what they took away from me.
I've talked about this maybe five years ago. And when I was a kid, my mom was too lazy to make breakfast.
That's why you look smiling. I'm just settling in for whatever it is.
It's not anything bad. No, I know.
Right? To you. No, no, no.
And we'd be like, you know, you wake up, you go, I hungry. Hungry.
Right? And she'd go, eat that. And it was like a carnation breakfast bar.
What is it? In package. Oh, like an old person's breakfast.
Yeah. It was by carnation.
It's like an elderly person's breakfast. Whatever.
Yeah. And they stopped making it.
Because? I don't know, but there was a campaign of people that were born in the 70s, right?

Which is me.

We're trying to bring it back.

Are you involved?

No.

I signed a petition years ago.

But it literally is the greatest bar.

Carnation breakfast cereal.

Breakfast bar.

It's a chocolate bar.

There it is. That's it.
It's a chocolate bar There it is That's it It's a chocolate bar Yeah Dude I remember this And it was crunchy Yeah yeah It was crunchy There was something about the middle of it though That you Consistency to it That you can't Like sometimes I'll go to a 7-Eleven or whatever And go this If you look at the package you go This looks it, and then you stick it in your mouth, it's not the same.

Alright, so how about this?

In the same way that Reddit was able to

resurface GameStop stock,

we're asking all of our fans

right now to tweet at

does Carnation still have a

Twitter? We want you guys to get the breakfast

bar back. I think they said though,

I think Carnation put out a statement

saying we don't even have the recipe anymore.

Carnation UK. Whether you're making baking, topping, or mixing, Carnation makes homemade easy with gooey caramel, condensed milk, and evaporated milk.
That's not it. Look, that's Carnation.
Nestle makes it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nestle owns it. Everybody tweet at Nestle and ask them to make Carnation breakfast bars for Tito Bobby.
I want everybody to do that to see if we can get it back. The greatest thing, I swear to God.
I would probably just replace that as two meals a day if they remade it. How about this? If we can get this back, they should make it just for you for your 50th birthday this year.
Yeah, there was something about it. I just remember my mom just bought boxes of it and I would just grab it, stick it in my pockets and take it to go.
And I wouldn't even eat the school food. Do you think if you ate one now, would it, do you think it would have the same nostalgia for you? Like would it bring you back? I think tears would well up in my eyes.
We gotta get a carnation bar. If I stick it, it would bring back all the, my dad beating me with a golf club.
Right. You know what I mean? Like all the good stuff.
Don't be gay. Carnation breakfast bars.
That's the commercial. Yeah, yeah.
And stuff. That's a great commercial.
What? Your mom, like, it's like a little stocky Asian kid walks downstairs. Yeah.
You know? Did your mom smoke? No, man. I wish she did.
And this bit she does. They're both smoking.
And your dad is pruning flowers. And your mom is reading the paper paper and you're like, I'm hungry.
And your mom is like, eat that. And she points to a breakfast bar and you're like, what is that? And your dad hits you with a golf club and goes, don't be gay.
And you take a bite of the carnation breakfast bar and you're like, oh. And then anime, she like, whoop.
And you fly to the air and it's carnation a breakfast bar

don't be gay can i be honest with you today you're really funny today thanks i was on twitter i got rid of my twitter because i read something oh just let me just say it i know you read something negative and then it wasn't negative about anything oh it was somebody it was somebody saying a young woman goes, I love Bad Friends. Good.
Right? I love Bobby Lee, but I love especially Andrew Santino. Hmm.
And that's why you deleted Twitter. Because a fan said something nice to me one time.
Well, when I read it. You get all the love.
In fact, let me show you something. No, when I read it, right? Yeah.
It does this thing where it started vibrating. So I was reading it and I was trying to be happy for you two.
Impossible. No, I'm being real.
I was looking at my phone, right? I was reading it, right? And I did a Joker smile. You know, because I was forcing it.
Yeah. So I was doing this, right? Well, that's nice.
And then my eyes started vibrating like this.

And then I got out of the app

and I held on to it like this

and I pressed the X delete.

And it zipped.

All because of a nice comment.

You know how many more comments you get?

Okay, George, bring up the video of the kid.

You want to see something insane?

Look at this kid.

By the way, time out.

How old do you think this child is?

He's cute. Take a guess.
Weird thing to, time out. How old do you think this child is? He's cute.

Take a guess.

Weird thing to say right away.

How old do you think he is?

Eight.

Okay, how old, Jules?

Eight.

Don't get the same goddamn number.

He looks like eight, seven, or ten.

Okay, what do you think, Andres?

Oh, have you seen the clip?

You guys, if you've both seen it, then you can't say it.

I've seen it.

All right, George, you've seen it too.

All right, so, okay, here we go.

Look at that. 10.
Okay, what do you think, Andres? Oh, have you seen the clip? You guys, if you've both seen it, then you can't say it. I've seen it.
Alright, George, you've seen it too. Alright, so, okay, here we go.
Listen to what this kid says. Okay, so, what age are you, Blake? Four.
Four. Four years old.
What's your favorite podcast? Bad Friends. And who presents Bad Friends? Bobby and Andrew Santino.
Who's your favorite Bobby or Andrew why Bobby no Oh, he said Bobby. So what do you like about Bobby? When I went on the Valentine's Day, remember he said he had those things on his face? The boils!

Boils on his face

The boils

What do you like about Andrew?

What?

What do you like about Andrew Santino?

Remember on the video and he said

King, what do you have on your face? Oh, yeah. What you got on your face? Are they English? The boils on his face.
Conor McGregor. Something up there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, something up there. By the way, you know how keen this kid is? You don't even know what he's referencing.
Do you remember the boils that you talked about? Yeah, it's upsetting that a little bit.

It feels good.

Let me say this one more thing.

That a little kid would listen to our podcast.

It's insane.

And also, he says, what do you like about Andrew Santino?

He takes this pause and he goes, when he says the kid, what you got on your face, that's from like my special from like six years ago.

A joke from my special.

That's a funny joke.

No, but I just think it's crazy that this kid knows that. I know.
That the dad lets him watch us. And by the way, whoever this dad is, you're the best.
Yeah. Let this kid watch Bad Friends forever.
Because look at how nice of a kid he is. What's going on? What is this? This is King of the Sting.
They talked about Bobby. What? They're trying to...
I don't even ignore this shit. Whenever this...
First of all, let me guess. I haven't seen this video yet He calls me sleepy eyes Let's hear it Let me make an assumption here That this redneck Is going to say something about my eyes Okay, let's hear it Bobby Lee, you fucking hear me Bobby Lee You sleepy fuck Wake up dog, I'm that fucking alarm clock son yeah come get some you want it you little gristle animal come get it dog come freaking get it dude here's cat with them new bangs dude I'll jump off the bottom rope and fucking still take you out you bastard yeah you're gonna hit that redhead on the way down dude I fucking oh oh yeah I'll catch that dude with a little cinnamon on your elbow I'll catch that dude with my oh yeah one of my hoo.
I'll catch that dude with my- Get a little cinnamon on your elbow? I'll catch that dude with my, yeah, one of my hooves.

I'll catch that chatty Hollywood elite with one of my hooves, dude.

Yeah, he is Hollywood now.

Oh, dog.

Talking about sorry I can't do the show.

I'm on set.

Yeah.

I'm on set.

I was.

You're on somebody else's set, dude.

I was on set.

Set of nuts, bro.

Yeah, dude.

Set of my deck of nuts. When I was a kid- a kid There was a kid named Brady And I think that he was born Literally with no brain Right Like it was just empty But I hung out with him because this dude Could pull a stop sign Right out of the ground With his hand at the age of 12 yeah you want me to do it do it and you go and pull it out yeah right and I use Brady cause I'm the you know every Brady has a guy like me 100% a little guy yeah like you know Master Blaster Master Blaster pull up Master Blaster yeah Master Blaster right that's that's brady that's brady and you and that's me on top i'm the guy telling him what to do right go this way yeah go this way brendan schaub right is the same right that is so theo's right yeah telling him what to do right it's that redneck right that twangy little fuck that hickadoo the hickadoo I don't even want to say inbred because it would be a compliment it's true yeah it'd be a compliment to him he'd go yeah and yeah yeah a few of my cousins yeah it's a mix of like family blood yeah he's such a hick fart he's a hick fart yeah you know how you can tell he has an eye that just.
But what about these two douches are doing, right? Is that you're trying to provoke a war with real warriors. Right.
With real warriors. Yeah.
Yeah. Wrong.
They're trying to provoke a war with true warriors. Yeah.
You know what? You know what? We have mental capacities. Yeah.
Yeah. Here's the thing.
You and I say we're stupid all the time. Yeah.
We do that as a fun. We go, we're dumb and we're not that smart.
These two guys? Yeah. Honestly, I'm not kidding.
Pound for pound. The dumbest people I've ever met in my life.
Like, yeah, can I say something to you? Mm-hmm. That's the brightest thing you've ever said.
Yeah. Because you're right.
And there was always something about them. Yeah.
When I would hang out with them, right? I would feel uneasy. Right.
Right? Like, you know, if I used a word, right, they couldn't comprehend. You know what I mean? Yeah.
But what I realized was is that I'm dealing with people that are just not mentally quite there because of either their heritage. CEO.
Right. Or because they got hit in the head so many times.
Shob. Yeah.
And so that, you just nailed it in the butt right there, my friend. They are just...
Bottom. Dumb.
You know what an angler fish is? Sure. You know, it has the light...
Pull up a picture of an angler fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is what Theo and Shob look like if they were together a fish. If Theo if the own shop were a fish that that's them

there they are no no the third one the orange one the most yeah that's the own show we go that's what they look like yeah let's say some good things about let's say some nice stuff now They are quirky.

Cute.

Yeah, they're...

That's all we got.

Theo. They are quirky.
Cute. Yeah, they're...
That's all we got. Theo calls me one day and he goes, Hey, man, I got a gig where we're going to play a millionaire's house.
And I go, I don't do houses, man. He goes, dude, it's like hit and run, man.
You do 10, and I'm going to give you half my money. It was a lot of money.
Yeah. It was like 10 grand to do like 10 minutes of material.
Oh, my God. We got in the car, drove away.
He made me a lot of money for nothing, right? And he didn't have to do it because he could have done it by himself. Why did he ask you? Because he thought it would be fun to do it with me.
That's nice. And he's a nice guy.
No, he is a really nice guy. And Shab is just a gentle giant.
They're both very sweet dudes. You know what? This is the reverse.
You know what? We're not going to attack back. How about this? We don't need to do it.
That's what we did. We went to, you know what I mean? We attacked.
Our gut, our gun instinct was to go attack.

And we should have done the other thing.

Here's the other thing.

Which is, you know, just say, you guys are doing great.

Man.

I love those guys.

Great guys.

You know what's so good about these guys?

Talent?

Everything.

Oh, everything.

Looks, talent, skill, ability.

These guys are great guys.

You know, the word, usually people use the word dynamic in the wrong way. But I'm going to apply it to them.
Dynamic. Dynamic.
They are dynamic. Yeah.
I've never met two guys more informed, aware, and educated. Yeah, they have just an instinctual talent.
They're just instinctually good. They were born knowing how to talk and have really unique points mean really unique uh points of views and takes absolutely and they're able to express themselves in a very original way and i think that they're um just real megastars you know in the podcast world and and in the and in the entertainment world you know you don't want to track when you're when you're in a race on a track and everyone has to start at a staggered position, but technically that's all – it's at the same position, but it's staggered because it's on a curve.
These guys, they're the kind of guys that would start behind the curve and let you have the – and they'll go, you go first because I'm so good. I'll catch up.
It's almost like they would have their own Olympics. Do you know what I mean by that? Yeah, that's very – It's almost like they're in a league of their own.
And can I just say this too about them? There's a sainthood about them. A goodness.
For instance, remember when Jesus was on the cross? I remember it vividly. And a Roman guy, you know, they stabbed, right? Yeah, while he was up there.
While he was up there, right? And they walked away laughing, probably like assholes, right? Shob seems like a guy that would go up to Jesus' wounds and just start... And heal them.
Heal it. And try to...
Even though he's dead, right? He's dead. Right.
He's trying to heal. Yeah.
And he'd probably kiss it. Kiss the wound.
And Theo is the kind of guy... We're not...
Don't forget about Theo. Theo is the kind of guy...
I won't forget about Theo. Don't forget about Theo.
I'm not. Theo is the kind of guy – I don't even – I don't know if you know this, but Theo – Yeah.
Theo used to work in a bowling alley when he was a kid, right? And he would set the pins. Yeah.
Right? And there was a little old lady. She was 97 years old.
This was her 97th birthday party. Yeah.
And she just found out that day that it ain't working that well anymore oh right and

she said all i want for my birthday yeah is to have a perfect game yeah right perfect game means all the strikes 300 yeah theo catches wind of this right while he's in the back fixing the bowling machines bowling pin machines and so what does he do he knows she's 97 she can't see the pins yeah as she rolls every

time no matter what he makes it go down yeah first frame second frame third frame right right

and this is crazy right yeah this is crazy on the last frame yeah he said i'm gonna let her do it on

her own because i believe in her yeah she lets the ball go sure enough strike on her own she gets a

300 she gets a 300 yeah yeah that's the kind of guy that theo is and by the way the old lady wasn't even white and i know that's tough for him yeah but it wasn't even a white old lady she was black she was a black old lady i read that and i know that you know theo inside was like i don't know if i can help her yeah yeah but i wait but he did anyway he went against his family tradition he went against his innate right instinct yeah instinct. Another thing that he did was you know, lately Chinese people are being hurt.
In public? In public. Because of the Rona, because Trump said it was the Chinese virus? Right, but they've been doing it for a long time.
Right, I'm just saying this amplified it. Back in the day, he's from the south.
He's from Louisiana. Louisiana.
Small town. Small town.
Yeah. And there was one Chinese guy there there was one yes and all the you know southerners they used to push they used to take you know those like mini bats mini bats from carnivals and you know one guy would go I'm gonna swing it I'm gonna swing it right on his forehead Tommy right when I hit it like this, you hit another one here.
Right?

You know what I mean? So he wouldn't even know where to go.

Whoa. Right.
So, yeah.

So they would hit him, you know what I mean?

Because if you hit him this way, he would go forward. Forward, yeah.
Right? But they would hit him, and he would go blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And every day, and then one day,

right, one guy

named Bubba Smith, that was his name.

Okay. You read about this, right? I've read about this, yeah.

He pushes the Chinese man, right? Leroy Chan was his name. Leroy Chan.
Yeah. And Leroy was falling down to concrete.
What did Theo do? What? Theo laid on the ground. No.
Yes. Laid on the ground like this, right? To break Leroy's fall.
And Leroy broke his fall. Wow.
Yeah. And they just laid there for like 45 minutes.
Did Theo say anything? And Leroy would go, thank you so much. Thank you.
Don't worry about it, man. No sweat off my paws.
No problemo. No sweat off my paws.
Yeah, so he's done so many things. He speaks in limericks, that guy.
He does. He's smooth.
It's poetic. Hey, man, you know what they say? You can't open a can if a dog's butt ain't gonna be shining from tuesday to wednesday and it's stuff like that that makes me go yeah i know what he's talking about yeah exactly i know what he's talking about so you know um they can uh they can try to throw stones at us yeah and because we know who they are they're really good people and they're prophets and they're and because this whole thing this facade yeah it's not real.
It's not real. Deep down, these are good guys.
Deep down, they want to be us. They want to be us.
They want to be us. And so that's where it derives from.
That's what it comes from. Yeah.
It's, I want to be them so bad. You know what I mean? And then I'll attack, but we already know who they are.
We know who they really are. And they're good people.
Good. This whole king and the sting thing.
Yeah. This big personality.
Yeah, yeah. King.
Not a king. No.
More like gesture. Just a jester.
Yeah. Just a man.
Gesture and the stung. And stung past tense.
Yeah, yeah. Stung.
It's over. He was stung.
He was stung. Yeah.
The jester and the stung. Yeah, that's what it is.
And I wish them the most luck. In fact, let me tell you something.
Yeah. You ready for me to do this right now? Go ahead.
I hope their show never ends. Ever.
And one day they'll get 15 positive reviews. That's my goal for them.
I want them to get some good reviews. They get 15 reviews.
Yes. Would be nice.
So guys, can all of our fans do me a favor? Go over to, uh, the, the, the, the gesture and the stung, go over to their page and go ahead and write there. Um, good luck fellas.
Just wish them luck. Yes.
Good luck fellas. From bad friends.
From bad friends. Yeah.
Good luck fellas from bad friends. That's what we'd like.
And they wish you well. We wish you well.
Yes. I love it.

I love it.

And you know what?

On this positive, happy, uplifting, upbeat note, thank you for being a bad friend.

I have to say I love.

No, I love those guys.

Yeah.

This is all in good fun, but honestly, talk shit about us again and we're going to fuck you guys up.

We'll fuck you guys up don't start a war

don't start a war

you don't wanna fight

yeah that's insane

what are you doing

yeah

you're bringing

you know it goes back

to the Vietnam War

we shouldn't have been there

this is Vietnam

yeah and you should not be here

this is Vietnam

right right

if you wanna fight

Bong Wang

yeah yeah yeah

and one of the triplets

then come through

and do it