Bobby's Valentine's Ring

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Speaker 3 Happy Valentine. Happy Basket.

Speaker 4 Bye bye. Happy Valentine.

Speaker 6 So I came in here, right?

Speaker 7 First of all, offered you cookies.

Speaker 8 Okay.

Speaker 11 You already had them and they were good, huh?

Speaker 12 Yeah, but when I get offered a cookie, all right, I look at the packaging first.

Speaker 10 And when they're

Speaker 10 in a Ziploc bag,

Speaker 17 I didn't know that, though.

Speaker 18 They're in a Ziploc bag.

Speaker 11 Did I say they were from home?

Speaker 19 Yeah. Yeah, I did.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 20 I didn't hear that.

Speaker 17 Okay.

Speaker 21 I did not hear that. All right.

Speaker 22 Number two, I don't like little designs on it.

Speaker 23 All right, so let a cookie be a cookie.

Speaker 24 No, because the design

Speaker 27 is, it's a Kissy Lips because it's Kissy Lips time of the month.

Speaker 17 No.

Speaker 28 Whenever I'm at a comic club, all right, and I see I see a comic.

Speaker 29 Thank you. Throw it at him.

Speaker 13 When I see a comic dressed all fancy on stage,

Speaker 31 I don't trust it.

Speaker 32 Okay. Like dressed in a suit?

Speaker 13 When they're fancy. I don't trust it.

Speaker 33 Sebastian Manascalco.

Speaker 3 Yeah?

Speaker 34 Suit. Jerry Seinfeld, suit.

Speaker 35 That's when they do specials.

Speaker 36 Do you not trust them when they do specials?

Speaker 37 Only when they're not doing specials?

Speaker 7 Exactly.

Speaker 38 Oh, okay. That makes sense.
All right.

Speaker 39 So I looked at the Ziploc bag.

Speaker 40 I saw these fancy designs on the circuit.

Speaker 30 And, you know, my first impulse was, I don't trust it, right?

Speaker 22 But once she ate it

Speaker 39 jewels and said they're good, I decided to have one.

Speaker 43 Too late.

Speaker 4 And I'm going to have one.

Speaker 8 Or.

Speaker 31 Too late. Hey, I'll tell you.

Speaker 28 I'll show you the kind of power I have.

Speaker 32 You don't have any power. Yeah.

Speaker 45 No, because they're going to get eaten by them.

Speaker 16 That's what they deserve.

Speaker 26 They deserve their cookies. And you don't get to be a spoiled brat and boss people around to have you.

Speaker 7 Andreas. Yep.

Speaker 35 Can you bring me a cookie, please?

Speaker 46 Don't bring him a cookie, dude.

Speaker 16 Don't do it.

Speaker 47 He's working right now.

Speaker 12 Give me a cookie, please, or I will not continue.

Speaker 48 No, don't do it.

Speaker 49 George,

Speaker 50 I will not shoot that.

Speaker 46 Dude, you're such a brat.

Speaker 11 If you don't give me a cookie, everyone's going to see how much of a brat you are.

Speaker 3 I need a cookie.

Speaker 51 Thank you, Andreas.

Speaker 33 Give it to me, and I'll give it to him.

Speaker 11 Give it to me.

Speaker 35 Andreas, if I don't get a cookie in my mouth, you know. Give it to me.

Speaker 32 Dude, give me that cookie.

Speaker 49 If you give it to him, Andres, I'm not gonna get a cookie.

Speaker 32 I make it

Speaker 7 give me the cookie.

Speaker 48 He loves his parents equally.

Speaker 3 Split it, split it, split it, split it.

Speaker 32 No, no, no.

Speaker 35 You know, Andres, you know that I won't do it.

Speaker 56 You know that I will not do the podcast.

Speaker 7 George, give me a cookie right now.

Speaker 41 Oh.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 57 All right. I'm not doing it.

Speaker 3 I'm not doing it.

Speaker 58 I'm not doing the podcast.

Speaker 11 All right? There's three in there now.

Speaker 35 All right, I'm going to eat all of this.

Speaker 7 Good. Pour it in your throat.
Smashed?

Speaker 35 It doesn't matter if it's smashed.

Speaker 3 It's easier to eat for your old teeth.

Speaker 7 Your old little brittle teeth.

Speaker 11 Pour it down your throat right now.

Speaker 59 You like it? It's good, though, isn't it?

Speaker 55 Let's put it on, yo.

Speaker 16 Happy Valentine's Day, Bob.

Speaker 58 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 60 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 61 White dude and Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 3 You two are something.

Speaker 63 We're bad friends.

Speaker 3 Anchor.

Speaker 15 If you haven't heard about Anchor, it's the easiest way to make a podcast.

Speaker 30 It's the easiest way to make a podcast. Let me explain.

Speaker 17 Oh, please.

Speaker 64 It's free.

Speaker 65 Awesome. That's cool.

Speaker 12 These are, there are creation tools that allow you to record and edit your podcast right from your phone or your computer.

Speaker 67 You do it from your phone, like on the go.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. That's cool.

Speaker 12 The bus or the subway, you can do it.

Speaker 7 That's cool.

Speaker 69 Anchor will distribute your podcast for you so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and many, many, many, many, many, many.

Speaker 65 Many, many more.

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Speaker 72 You can make money from your podcast too. No minimum listenership.
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Speaker 34 Where do we have to go, Bob?

Speaker 75 Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started.

Speaker 32 I'm excited to have Valentine's Day with literally my two favorite people on earth.

Speaker 33 I don't want to put that in my mouth.

Speaker 77 I don't know where that's been. Yeah.

Speaker 33 Happy Valentine's Day, baby boy.

Speaker 4 Happy Valentine's Day to you.

Speaker 32 Delicious cookies.

Speaker 34 Did you, do you, do you have any plans for Valentine's Day?

Speaker 16 Did you?

Speaker 34 It was yesterday. Did you do anything yesterday for Valentine's Day?

Speaker 10 Yeah, well, I did.

Speaker 22 And I got my girlfriend a bouquet of flowers.

Speaker 7 Really?

Speaker 11 What kind?

Speaker 31 I don't know yet.

Speaker 33 Because we're filming this before Valentine's Day?

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 56 I don't know yet.

Speaker 11 Do you have anything planned for Valentine's Day?

Speaker 7 I do. What is it?

Speaker 11 Because you can tell us now. They won't change.

Speaker 79 Well, I was playing, you know, I like the video game Warzone.

Speaker 29 Yeah, you love Warzone.

Speaker 12 And sometimes I play with randoms.

Speaker 34 What do you mean, like completely? No, you play with people that you're semi-familiar with.

Speaker 79 People I've never met in the flesh, though.

Speaker 77 Right, but they become friends because of online.

Speaker 79 Yeah, so

Speaker 79 when you're in a war with somebody,

Speaker 12 I assume it's like that in the Vietnam War.

Speaker 46 Probably pretty similar.

Speaker 12 If you were in a platoon with somebody and you're, you know, all the guys in Vietnam

Speaker 65 sitting in their boxer, I would remember Forrest

Speaker 50 Bubba. Yeah, that guy, that guy.
Bubba. Bubba.

Speaker 80 Remember his legs were blown off.

Speaker 82 Yeah.

Speaker 83 And Forrest Goodridge.

Speaker 28 I forgot his voice.

Speaker 15 I'll try it.

Speaker 46 Forrest Gump or Bubba.

Speaker 15 I'll try to do Forrest Gutter.

Speaker 3 Wait, wait.

Speaker 48 How did he sound? No, Forest was like,

Speaker 34 life is like, say, life is like a box. I'm not sure if I can do it.

Speaker 84 Chocolate. There you go.
That's as close as you could have.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 32 So he said, Bubba.

Speaker 35 No, I'm doing that. I know, but when you're doing that with your lips, it automatically go

Speaker 7 like that.

Speaker 68 So stop doing that with your lips, right?

Speaker 65 All right, go ahead.

Speaker 85 Bubba, Bubba.

Speaker 79 And he's running, and he ran like 20 miles, grabbed him.

Speaker 35 Yeah.

Speaker 69 And it was just a carcass.

Speaker 11 Yeah, he's picking.

Speaker 36 Well, he was carrying him out of the car.

Speaker 7 Yeah, it was a carcass.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 22 So, anyways, but back to Warzone, about Valentine's Day. All right.

Speaker 12 So I play with randoms and we go into war.

Speaker 86 And

Speaker 10 there's this one guy named, I don't know his last name, but his name is Alex.

Speaker 78 Very specific. Yeah.

Speaker 86 And

Speaker 12 he's under actually in my phone.

Speaker 44 It's okay.

Speaker 88 It says Alex Warzone.

Speaker 47 Cool.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 89 And he does,

Speaker 75 if I text him something, he immediately does it for me.

Speaker 34 Another slave.

Speaker 12 Yeah, and so I go to.

Speaker 11 We got rid of slavery in this country a long time ago.

Speaker 38 I love it.

Speaker 81 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 78 And I didn't vote on that to get rid of it.

Speaker 12 So I'm still, you know what I mean?

Speaker 7 Well, you were around back then.

Speaker 92 I know I was.

Speaker 75 That's rude because of my age.

Speaker 3 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 12 So I text Alex, I need a bouquet of flowers.

Speaker 45 He's always, what kind?

Speaker 37 This man lives in Los Angeles.

Speaker 93 Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Speaker 80 I know where he lives. I don't know what he looks like.

Speaker 82 I don't know where he lives. I don't know what it looks like.

Speaker 30 If I saw him at a rave, right?

Speaker 72 What What are you doing at a rave? I dancing.

Speaker 85 Oh, right. I dancing.
Yeah.

Speaker 53 Right.

Speaker 30 So I have the glow sticks. And if Alex, you know what I mean?

Speaker 83 Glow stick next to me.

Speaker 35 I'd be like, what's your name? And he'd be like, dude, it's me, Alex.

Speaker 35 And I would have to go.

Speaker 83 Specific. You got to go.

Speaker 30 Get more specific. He goes, Warzone.

Speaker 85 And then I'd be like, oh.

Speaker 38 Thanks for all the little things.

Speaker 38 And he's going to get. And then he's going to.

Speaker 69 He's gotten me face washed before.

Speaker 7 Okay.

Speaker 27 You just said, give me face wash?

Speaker 69 Yeah, I texted him, face wash.

Speaker 72 Do you have your home address?

Speaker 94 Oh, yeah. That's a bad idea.

Speaker 12 No, because he's friends with other friends.

Speaker 25 Other people that you know online, Bobby, these aren't real friends.

Speaker 91 You don't actually know these people.

Speaker 12 No, he's friends with people I've met in the flesh.

Speaker 36 Are you saying that to say that?

Speaker 12 No. My friend Gilbert takes kung fu classes with Alex.

Speaker 12 And I also play with Nick, the master kung fu guy.

Speaker 84 Okay, so these people are real.

Speaker 15 He's also part of a dojo.

Speaker 97 Still knows where you live, Bobby.

Speaker 87 Anyway, so

Speaker 69 if I tell him, get me face wash,

Speaker 89 he'll deliver it to me.

Speaker 52 So he got you face wash, and then what?

Speaker 43 He's going to get you a a bouquet

Speaker 97 he goes i'll get you the bouquet why don't you ask for more stuff does he ask for money ever i have to give him money so how do you deliver him the money a venmo yeah so let's ask for a lot of stuff and then just be like i can't venmo you anymore because collateral no no no no no i need i need guys like this because i i don't go to just get an assistant i could do that

Speaker 103 no she's not you would be a good she barely likes me at this one that's not true you'd be a good assistant wouldn't you i think so

Speaker 12 she's just woke up from a nap so don't even yeah We're talking about not being able to sell yourself at all.

Speaker 43 Like, if this is a job interview.

Speaker 7 I know.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 48 Like, so are you going to be able to do that?

Speaker 7 You're interested in the launcher's job at Home Depot?

Speaker 41 I think so.

Speaker 32 Let's interview.

Speaker 16 I'm going to interview you right now for the position of Bobby's assistant, okay?

Speaker 11 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 7 Let's see if you're. Okay.

Speaker 34 Hi, thanks for coming in. I appreciate you coming in.

Speaker 107 You are a little bit late.

Speaker 34 Is there a reason for your tardiness?

Speaker 108 It was traffic. I'm sorry.

Speaker 34 Traffic, you should plan for that because Bobby also is someone that needs to be

Speaker 33 kept on schedule. So if you're

Speaker 84 in the room, he's going to be late as well.

Speaker 79 You're in the room during the interview?

Speaker 12 No, I'm a different.

Speaker 109 Can I be a different guy?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 43 I'll interview you afterwards. No, no, no.

Speaker 79 I want to be.

Speaker 110 Because I want to be your assistant.

Speaker 32 Oh, you're with me?

Speaker 51 Yeah, I'm with you.

Speaker 33 Okay, so let me introduce my assistant before I go

Speaker 33 any further. That's name is Jermaine.

Speaker 32 That's Jermaine.

Speaker 55 Hi, Jermaine. Nice to meet you.
Hello.

Speaker 97 So tell us, do you have qualifications on being a personal assistant in any way?

Speaker 108 I have a bachelor degree.

Speaker 112 Oh, you have a bunch of college. Oh, from what college?

Speaker 55 Long Beach.

Speaker 3 Oh, Long Beach. Oh, Long Beach State.

Speaker 41 State. Yeah,

Speaker 7 State.

Speaker 39 That's good.

Speaker 40 That's a bachelor's degree.

Speaker 10 What is it?

Speaker 55 Science, medicine.

Speaker 7 Oh.

Speaker 46 Why do you want to be a personal assistant?

Speaker 84 Yeah.

Speaker 104 I just want to have more experience.

Speaker 113 Have you heard of the glorious, magnificent Bobby Lee?

Speaker 7 Oh, dude, do you know this man?

Speaker 111 I heard of him.

Speaker 69 Are you a fan of his?

Speaker 114 Yes.

Speaker 115 In what capacity?

Speaker 4 What have you seen him in?

Speaker 104 I've seen him in.

Speaker 5 Well, he was on. Well, you know that he was on a show for eight years.

Speaker 41 Yes.

Speaker 71 What's the show called?

Speaker 65 I'm blanking.

Speaker 116 Get out of my office.

Speaker 11 Get out of our office.

Speaker 29 You're fired.

Speaker 7 Wait, you don't fucking know the show.

Speaker 7 I know.

Speaker 3 I'm just blanking. All right.

Speaker 98 She forgets so much.

Speaker 71 Yeah.

Speaker 50 Why do you forget so much?

Speaker 23 Yeah.

Speaker 39 Well, she just woke up.

Speaker 95 I think that's what it is.

Speaker 97 Why are you taking a nap so late in the day?

Speaker 111 Because I had school and I need to.

Speaker 30 She's in high school.

Speaker 7 And I need to stay here.

Speaker 14 She has to get up at six in the morning.

Speaker 25 I I know bro, but most of us from high school I remember I would nap in the in the afternoon Yeah, I told her to do and then I'd be up all night long.

Speaker 31 Yeah, I told her to do that. That's what everybody does.

Speaker 32 Yeah.

Speaker 34 In fact, when I used to get home from high school, the Victoria's Secret would come in the mail and I would steal it and I would go into my room.

Speaker 29 Your mom's?

Speaker 34 The magazine. Yeah, the Victoria's Secret.
And I go into it.

Speaker 7 Is it your mom's?

Speaker 33 Well, it's not my dad's.

Speaker 119 Could be.

Speaker 34 It was my dad's. Okay.

Speaker 7 We were an open family.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 34 I would steal it.

Speaker 99 I'd go upstairs and I would jerk off and I'd fall asleep.

Speaker 33 And then my mom, at one point, I would fall asleep every single day.

Speaker 42 Why are these pages so stuck together?

Speaker 39 What did you say?

Speaker 46 That no, no, no, I throw it away. She'd never get it.

Speaker 32 She never got them.

Speaker 7 It never existed.

Speaker 34 She probably signed up for it and just never knew it.

Speaker 25 It didn't, it just never came for her.

Speaker 65 I subscribed to him. Oh, I did.

Speaker 38 I came, but it never came for her.

Speaker 34 And so she would literally come in the room, wake me up, and be like, Why are you so tired?

Speaker 45 Yeah. Are you on drugs? That's what she'd say.
Are you on drugs?

Speaker 72 And now I was on drugs.

Speaker 120 Uh-huh.

Speaker 45 What drugs did you do in high school?

Speaker 98 Mostly weed. I mostly smoked weed.
Yeah.

Speaker 121 And then I did.

Speaker 101 You don't smoke weed now that much, though.

Speaker 36 Not as much as I used to now.

Speaker 11 You know why? Why?

Speaker 34 Because I'm so tired already that if I smoke weed, I can't even enjoy the weed.

Speaker 100 Right.

Speaker 59 I get exhausted when I smoke weed.

Speaker 34 And she would say, you're on drugs. And I would say, no, but I was, but I was just tired from basketball and from high school.

Speaker 33 So, and I had come all over my tomb.

Speaker 39 Did you get straight A's?

Speaker 50 No.

Speaker 34 I was a bad high schooler.

Speaker 75 What was your grade point average?

Speaker 99 B's and C's.

Speaker 45 I don't know what my GPA was.

Speaker 118 B's and C's, but in college I did well.

Speaker 89 I had the third worst GPA in my high school.

Speaker 74 You know who had the first, the worst one?

Speaker 12 Tom DeLong.

Speaker 109 He had died my sophomore year.

Speaker 106 Tom DeLong died? No, no, no. What?

Speaker 34 The guy that had the worst?

Speaker 123 Yes.

Speaker 34 He died your sophomore year, and he had the worst.

Speaker 75 He had the worst. What was his name?

Speaker 101 I forgot his name, but my senior year,

Speaker 69 that's the reason why he was last.

Speaker 124 Oh, wow, they replaced.

Speaker 32 What was your GPA?

Speaker 71 Like 0.7.

Speaker 125 Can you get an 0.7?

Speaker 118 You never got one passing grade?

Speaker 9 no never

Speaker 118 wow but it's not because you're stupid it's a lack of effort yeah the asians in my school were so angry at me you were disappointing to them yeah they would just they would look at me like they would come into class you know asians they get they love classes

Speaker 69 well how exciting they used to you know when she goes to school

Speaker 7 no yeah i know but asians love it

Speaker 30 they have their notebooks they have their calculators and their abacus and everything yeah

Speaker 21 you know they use real quick the abacus right 40 46 and they're just you know, but when they, when they used to see me, they just go.

Speaker 91 You would disappoint the whole Asian community?

Speaker 25 Yeah.

Speaker 26 What do you, what, do you never went back for a high school reunion?

Speaker 78 They never invited me.

Speaker 98 That's so sad.

Speaker 52 Can we find out when it is and have you go this year?

Speaker 78 I would love.

Speaker 12 I mean, I did get, so this is interesting.

Speaker 100 Let's do like a Romey and Michelle's high school reunion, but me and you go back to your house.

Speaker 123 I love to go.

Speaker 91 That would be so fucking fun to film.

Speaker 17 Do a live podcast there.

Speaker 33 Oh my God. That would be fun.

Speaker 26 We should do that, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 78 But I got a text yesterday from a lady by the name of Megan Lee.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 55 I don't know who that is. I'm going to tell you.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 99 I thought you said as if it's someone I know.

Speaker 7 No, I'm going to fucking tell you. I'm ready.

Speaker 17 God. Yeah.

Speaker 12 So

Speaker 21 I used to work at a restaurant.

Speaker 75 Do you know that?

Speaker 46 In San Diego, yeah, we told the story.

Speaker 10 Yeah. And yeah.

Speaker 75 So she owns a restaurant. And she texted me, and I'm going to do a, she goes, I'm doing a 30-year reunion for my original like wait staff, which was with me.

Speaker 46 So the restaurant opened and you were one of the first.

Speaker 29 Yeah. Oh, wow.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 78 And then I got fired because I spilled red wine on the lawyer.

Speaker 47 Perfect.

Speaker 78 The lawyer of Megan Lee.

Speaker 75 He came in with his wife.

Speaker 78 And I had Charton, not Rechardner.

Speaker 109 I had Merlot.

Speaker 8 Right? Yeah.

Speaker 6 Is Merlot red?

Speaker 32 Yes, yes.

Speaker 33 The vision is in my head of long wine.

Speaker 65 I had a ponytail, too, I remember.

Speaker 22 Right. Long ponytail.

Speaker 43 And you know the cork?

Speaker 51 Yeah. I couldn't get it.

Speaker 79 Like, you know how you stick the thing in and it starts crumbling?

Speaker 88 You fuck it up. Yeah, you fucked it up.

Speaker 84 Right.

Speaker 51 So then I was digging.

Speaker 39 Yeah. You know how you take the cork and you start digging?

Speaker 79 I don't do that, but right.

Speaker 94 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 79 You did. I didn't twist.
No, you just.

Speaker 35 Yeah, I dug.

Speaker 65 You're trying to

Speaker 65 mole man out of it.

Speaker 53 So I'm now trying to mull it out, right? Yeah.

Speaker 79 And then I finally got some of it on it. And I went like this, and

Speaker 74 it sprayed all over his white shirt.

Speaker 91 Oh, my God. Yeah.

Speaker 57 You know, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean?

Speaker 109 And then, like, I'm bussing.

Speaker 78 for the next six months.

Speaker 34 And then she finally wants you back in her realm.

Speaker 37 Yeah, I came back.

Speaker 34 So what's the deal, though?

Speaker 25 30-year reunion.

Speaker 101 Yeah. Yeah, and I said, I'll be there.

Speaker 70 And she goes,

Speaker 69 you bet your bottom dollar.

Speaker 12 You know how white people just say that?

Speaker 7 Yeah, you bet your bottom dollar.

Speaker 35 You bet your bottom dollar, you will. Yeah.

Speaker 44 And I go, fuck yeah, man.

Speaker 79 I don't know what that means.

Speaker 53 Are you really going to go?

Speaker 3 I want to.

Speaker 126 That's a no.

Speaker 35 No, I want to.

Speaker 64 I'll tell you why, because she was the one that was like,

Speaker 82 I remember

Speaker 113 going, hey, I have a show

Speaker 126 tomorrow night. Can I leave early?

Speaker 81 Can I not even come? Oh.

Speaker 12 And she would be like, it's your dream, so go ahead.

Speaker 45 That's so nice.

Speaker 75 Yeah, so she was like, really cool.

Speaker 126 Why'd you say white if her name is Amy Lee? She was.

Speaker 3 Megan Lee.

Speaker 11 Megan Lee. She's white.

Speaker 74 Robert E. Lee was white.

Speaker 16 He was?

Speaker 71 Yeah, man.

Speaker 35 A Confederate general? He was a Confederate general, right?

Speaker 118 That's the good side or the bad side.

Speaker 10 I don't remember.

Speaker 127 I think it was the bad.

Speaker 97 But Confederates, I thought, were the good guys.

Speaker 118 No, the Confederates were good.

Speaker 128 Stars and stripes and stripes, pal.

Speaker 3 No. Perfect.
He was white.

Speaker 88 There's no Asian guy that's a Confederate fucking guy.

Speaker 33 How funny if there was one Confederate nation?

Speaker 109 I would love to be that guy.

Speaker 124 They're like,

Speaker 26 What do we love? He's like, Slavery.

Speaker 26 Dude, a Confederate Asian would be an Asian Confederate.

Speaker 34 That's the movie we should write for you. Yeah.

Speaker 25 Is the only Asian Confederate? Yeah.

Speaker 47 Holy fuck, how funny.

Speaker 124 What's the name of this guy, this Asian Confederate soldier? Robert E.

Speaker 16 Lee.

Speaker 16 Oh, Robert E.

Speaker 7 Lee.

Speaker 50 The real story. The real story.
The real Robert E. Lee.

Speaker 53 Well, yeah. That would never happen.

Speaker 74 Because no one would even, I'm not going to fucking follow your orders, Chank.

Speaker 94 Pika de Cotton Festa.

Speaker 7 oh my god

Speaker 26 that's a movie I would love to go watch

Speaker 50 he's just confused yeah he doesn't really know he's stuck he's stuck in a in a weird he was born and raised there yeah no no he can't he has the accent no he's he was born the mom popped and then they disappeared parents left him you have to take care of him what if they what if right what if this happened right he comes from China right so that you know I always assumed like when chinese people back in the day right came here they gave him options oh right so uh listen listen here

Speaker 53 man china boy laundry launderman opium den opium den right railroads railroads or

Speaker 7 you mean confederate you know i mean confederate soldier

Speaker 7 so what you want to do yeah yeah and he's like uh what is

Speaker 7 what what is what is confederate soldier you love america what did that involve what do you love America?

Speaker 3 I love it.

Speaker 7 You're perfect for the job. Wow.
We got ourselves Wang Lee over here.

Speaker 94 Robert, the Robert the E.

Speaker 31 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 52 Robert E.

Speaker 34 Lee, the story of the only Asian Confederate soldier, would be a fucking smash online.

Speaker 39 Yeah, it would, it would

Speaker 43 ruin my career.

Speaker 32 Honestly? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 34 But at what point could comedians make a movie that's so over the top like that?

Speaker 119 Yeah.

Speaker 115 That you might be able to, it might be okay because it's absurd if you're making fun of the Confederacy.

Speaker 113 It's so funny to even talking about this, you know,

Speaker 87 because, you know,

Speaker 39 this type of comedy, these bits, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 64 10, 15 years ago, it's a no-brainer.

Speaker 65 It's a no-brainer. Now people are like...

Speaker 81 Yeah, but now

Speaker 69 even by doing, because we're playing characters and we're doing this bit, right?

Speaker 65 We're making fun of the.

Speaker 35 I know, but when we're doing it, though, right?

Speaker 69 There's this thing that comes up in my mind

Speaker 6 of an editor.

Speaker 81 I have an editor in my mind.

Speaker 45 Yeah, somebody going.

Speaker 119 And it's going, cut, yeah, yeah, cut, cut, yeah, cut out it.

Speaker 115 Stop.

Speaker 34 Yeah, but some of it, look, if we can't make fun of those ridiculous scenarios, come on.

Speaker 52 You know, did Rudy like it?

Speaker 101 She doesn't get it.

Speaker 104 Yes.

Speaker 97 No, she does.

Speaker 123 She's smarter than you give her credit for.

Speaker 34 By the way, your Grateful Dead presentation last week was a hit.

Speaker 11 Smash.

Speaker 72 You know how many deadheads are on your jock now?

Speaker 34 People think you are, people think you're part of the clique.

Speaker 75 What are you going to do for Valentine's? I mean,

Speaker 117 I have a big thing planned at the house.

Speaker 85 Like what?

Speaker 117 I hired a pony to come to the house and be in the backyard because my dog loves ponies. And I have a pony to come to the house to play with the dog.

Speaker 7 Honestly?

Speaker 87 Yes. I've never even seen a pony.
What do they look like?

Speaker 123 They're tiny little horses.

Speaker 117 They're tiny little horses.

Speaker 34 And I paid, it was quite expensive, to be honest with you.

Speaker 99 It was $1,000 an hour.

Speaker 109 Who rides it, like Brad Williams?

Speaker 7 I would love to see Brad Williams ride one.

Speaker 91 We should buy him a pony. Yeah.
He has one.

Speaker 16 Have you seen his dog?

Speaker 27 His dog goes up to his head.

Speaker 16 It's huge.

Speaker 7 He's a huge big dog. He could ride that.

Speaker 65 He has. I've seen him get on it.
Oh, really?

Speaker 80 Yeah. No, are you being real?

Speaker 32 I swear to God in my life, he can get on the back of the dog.

Speaker 12 A little person could ride like

Speaker 25 a Great Dane.

Speaker 10 A great Dane or even

Speaker 81 a Rottweiler.

Speaker 43 Yeah.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 84 But they're so aggressive.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 7 It'd be more like a bull.

Speaker 29 What about the Beethoven?

Speaker 34 What dog is that? A St. Bernard?

Speaker 46 Is that what that is?

Speaker 34 Yeah. That's what they could ride in because they're sweet and cuddly.

Speaker 129 Yeah.

Speaker 80 I think I would ride. I wish I was small in that way.

Speaker 81 You are

Speaker 106 relatively, right?

Speaker 16 You're not a big guy.

Speaker 34 What are you saying? You're 5'4?

Speaker 55 5'4 ⁇ . 5'5'4?

Speaker 85 How tall are you? 5'4 ⁇ .

Speaker 43 Yeah, you're 5'4 ⁇ . How tall are you?

Speaker 98 6'1.

Speaker 55 Are you really? I'm a full man.

Speaker 97 Size 12 shoe. Oh, no.

Speaker 7 I finished. When you look at me.

Speaker 11 I finished growing.

Speaker 74 I know, but when you look at me. Yeah.

Speaker 51 Does that, I mean, because I don't know what it's like.

Speaker 97 Cartoon character is what I think.

Speaker 34 When I look at you, I think this is a cartoon that came to life.

Speaker 46 Are you being real? But in a beautiful way.

Speaker 16 I'm in love with you.

Speaker 66 But you think that?

Speaker 76 Every time I see you.

Speaker 41 Wow.

Speaker 65 I go, Mike Chudge.

Speaker 35 Mike Chudge says that.

Speaker 44 Where do I come to your chest in terms of...

Speaker 21 Do I come to your shoulder?

Speaker 16 Genuinely? Yeah.

Speaker 107 You're right at here length.

Speaker 12 So I can't imagine walking into a room and working with a guy that small.

Speaker 91 Let's have one.

Speaker 34 Do you want to get a guy in here that is that small? We should get another person in here who's tinier than all of us.

Speaker 51 Yeah. I guess because I've been this size for so long.

Speaker 107 that you just get used to it. When did you peak?

Speaker 34 High school? And then you hit your... That's how tall you were always going to be?

Speaker 122 I was at 17 and then it stopped.

Speaker 34 really yeah it's it's weird because you well you know you're not gonna get that big as an asian man right you know you're not gonna there's well that's not true yes it is the the ones that like yao ming and those guys those are they were made in a lab

Speaker 57 asians there's never been in the history of asians there hasn't been one over six feet tall as soon as organically as soon as asians were introduced to western diets it grew exponentially still though you haven't kept most if you go to under six feet still no if i go to korea they look down on me and go oh you're some more

Speaker 52 you know really oh yeah you're tiny to them yeah and they bump me are koreans if i'm walking down the street they literally they'll go check on me are they the most aggressive of the asians what do you know the japanese were the most aggressive see they seem but publicly they seem the most um pensive and polite well once you throw a nuclear bomb on somebody right they it tames them yeah you see yeah sit down because they were aggressive sit down that's what we say i know they were aggressive right up until then oh my god they took over the Philippines.

Speaker 39 They took over Korea.

Speaker 45 They took everywhere.

Speaker 86 Right. And

Speaker 90 Emperor Hiroito, he thought he was a sun god.

Speaker 26 Why couldn't he be, though?

Speaker 69 Because I don't know what is a sun god.

Speaker 34 Obviously, God spoke to him and told him he was special.

Speaker 51 No, but he thinks they thought he was a god.

Speaker 7 Probably. No.

Speaker 51 You don't think so? No, because a god.

Speaker 127 Actual God, if you throw two nuclear bombs, you'd be like, oh, no big deal.

Speaker 53 Yeah, that's a nothing.

Speaker 49 That's like a mosquito bite.

Speaker 83 You know what I mean? Yeah. But he was like, oh, we're sorry.

Speaker 7 He just panicked. Yeah.

Speaker 118 We surrender. Do you think gods walk amongst us?

Speaker 34 Like, do you think we have gods that walk amongst us on earth?

Speaker 16 Like, how about this?

Speaker 106 I'll give you a better. Do you think Gandhi?

Speaker 99 Do you think Gandhi was a god?

Speaker 85 No.

Speaker 85 No?

Speaker 36 You think there's only one God?

Speaker 80 Well, I don't know.

Speaker 101 I think I've heard things about Gandhi later in life.

Speaker 75 Like, he doesn't tip.

Speaker 113 I don't know, something like that.

Speaker 7 No, I've been real. No, I've been real.

Speaker 35 There was like some rumor about him.

Speaker 34 They caught him cheating at Batgammon one time in 1982. He was at Commerce Casino.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 50 Nobody.

Speaker 87 Chime. You know, when I was younger,

Speaker 22 I was terrible at banking.

Speaker 122 I was abused.

Speaker 7 So bad.

Speaker 74 Overdraft charges.

Speaker 67 Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money. I didn't know how to manage it.
And also, no one was there to help. But Chime understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 73 That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features like overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and much more, which definitely would have helped me when I was doing my PA jobs back in the day.

Speaker 40 Also, with qualifying direct deposits, you are eligible for free overdraft up to $200 or debit card purchases and cash withdrawal.

Speaker 67 You can learn more about it at chime.com/slash bad friend. To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion, right? You need a little bit of help.

Speaker 67 You need a little money quicker than normal because something pops up.

Speaker 73 It always does.

Speaker 67 You open up a check-in account. with zero monthly fees and no maintenance fees, and you got access to over 47,000 fee-free ATMs.
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Speaker 73 You got to try Chime.

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Speaker 40 Open an account in two minutes at chime.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 67 That's chime.com/slash bad friends. Chime.

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Speaker 114 Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bank Corp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA.
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Speaker 114 Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file.
Fees apply at out of network ATMs, bank ranking, and number of ATMs according to U.S.

Speaker 114 and World Report 2023. Chime checking account required.

Speaker 41 Hydro. I caught it.

Speaker 50 You?

Speaker 72 They gave gave me one.

Speaker 67 I got one at the house.

Speaker 34 I love it so very much.

Speaker 67 It's incredible. And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced.

Speaker 48 Well, what is it?

Speaker 97 What is it?

Speaker 106 Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

Speaker 77 How ultimate is it?

Speaker 99 You may ask.

Speaker 73 It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, and core, twice as efficient as cycling or running.

Speaker 67 Just 20 minutes, all it takes to feel the results.

Speaker 73 And this is true.

Speaker 67 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day.

Speaker 73 People have seen traditional old rowers.

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Speaker 10 You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today.

Speaker 73 We should get you one.

Speaker 40 Head over to hydro.com and use code Bad Friends to save up to $600 off on a hydro rower during this holiday season.

Speaker 65 That's hydro, H-Y-D-R-O-W dot com.

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Speaker 1 I am so excited for this spa day.

Speaker 114 Candles lit, Music on.

Speaker 131 Hot tub warm and ready.

Speaker 114 And then my chronic hives come back. Again, in the middle of my spa day.

Speaker 3 What a wet blanket.

Speaker 1 Looks like another spell of itchy red skin. If you have chronic spontaneous urticaria or CSU, there is a different treatment option.
Hives during my next spa day?

Speaker 131 Not if I can help it. Learn more at treatmyhives.com.

Speaker 131 Bad friends has been imperative to my well-being.

Speaker 131 Imperative, Bobby, it's like really important, like critical.

Speaker 132 Congratulations on your anniversary.

Speaker 88 You guys make me laugh and you guys just brighten up my day.

Speaker 59 So I love all of you.

Speaker 133 And

Speaker 134 Fancy B.

Speaker 63 This show means so much to me because I actually met my best friend during March of 2020 because of Bad Friends.

Speaker 128 And you guys have been very special. You guys helped me get through a very, very hard time.
And you know, I know it's not a one-man team. Shout out, Fancy B, shout out Rudy, shout out George.

Speaker 1 And I love you guys.

Speaker 135 Bad Friends has been the best thing that has happened this year. It's the reason I haven't killed myself this year.

Speaker 99 This is what Bad Friends has meant to me in the past year.

Speaker 136 It's like putting this weird fork thing in my head.

Speaker 34 Is it stupid?

Speaker 129 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But is it fun to watch?

Speaker 134 Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 69 You know my story with Deepak Chobra.

Speaker 22 Have I told you?

Speaker 116 No.

Speaker 7 I've never told you about my Chophole. No,

Speaker 16 you have an an interaction with Chopra?

Speaker 12 There is a little bit of an interaction.

Speaker 79 Not fully. I've never met the man.
Sure.

Speaker 12 But

Speaker 12 my life has kind of, for a second,

Speaker 32 revolved around it.

Speaker 7 What happened?

Speaker 12 So,

Speaker 12 you know who Jason Gallern is?

Speaker 25 The comedian.

Speaker 7 Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Speaker 75 So I used to walk around the comedy store with boils on my face.

Speaker 81 What?

Speaker 16 What do you mean? Pimples?

Speaker 12 They were just bigger than pimples. Like these.

Speaker 81 My mom gets on her head.

Speaker 79 But I used to get them on my face.

Speaker 29 You have to get lasered off or whatever?

Speaker 5 No, I would do a home remedy.

Speaker 15 What was your remedy?

Speaker 88 Which would fuck my face up even more.

Speaker 32 What was the remedy?

Speaker 79 I didn't know what to do because I had no money, right?

Speaker 6 When I was a young comic.

Speaker 12 So I know I get these gigantic boils. So what I would do is I would go and buy, go to 7-Eleven.

Speaker 85 Uh-uh.

Speaker 31 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 70 And I would buy ice cubes.

Speaker 9 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 88 So I'd take a bag of ice cubes, right?

Speaker 6 And I'd go to the bathtub in my little apartment in Silver Lake.

Speaker 55 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 78 And I would take hot water and pour, like, you know, like the faucets here.

Speaker 21 And I put my face over it and it would steam it.

Speaker 8 Right.

Speaker 79 And then I would take ice cubes and then freeze it.

Speaker 64 Oh, my God.

Speaker 78 And I would do that repetitively.

Speaker 12 And eventually what happens, a white head would form.

Speaker 118 And then you'd pop it. And I would pop it.

Speaker 10 It would just be Niagara Falls.

Speaker 7 It would spray out of my face.

Speaker 14 So I was getting these boils on my face, and I used to hang out at the store like that.

Speaker 32 Just boil-face Bob.

Speaker 55 Boil-face. BFP.
Yeah. BFB.

Speaker 10 And one time, Jason Gallern goes, man, you look like shit.

Speaker 32 And he's not a male model.

Speaker 5 I know. I mean, you look like you're stressed out.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 121 I go, yeah, I can't get anything going, man. I can't get an agent.

Speaker 95 You know, I'm just stressed out. I have no money.

Speaker 14 I don't have no future.

Speaker 106 Pre-mad TV.

Speaker 8 Yeah.

Speaker 5 He goes, two words for you, bud.

Speaker 85 I go, what?

Speaker 49 He goes, Deepak Chopra.

Speaker 49 What? Yeah.

Speaker 34 Deepak Chopra is all he said. Yeah.

Speaker 109 I go, what is that?

Speaker 35 I thought it was a food.

Speaker 101 Yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 81 Sounds like I don't have the money. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Go to that restaurant or whatever.

Speaker 12 And so

Speaker 12 he goes, yeah, at that time at the Rolling Stone magazines, he wasn't on the cover, but there was an article about him.

Speaker 118 In Rolling Stone.

Speaker 64 Yeah, so he goes, go buy the Rolling Stones and read this article.

Speaker 9 Right. Right.

Speaker 95 So

Speaker 125 I go to the 7-Eleven. I think I steal one.

Speaker 11 If that sounds about right.

Speaker 6 Yeah. And I read the article.

Speaker 113 And I go, I can't get any of these books.

Speaker 93 I have no money, right?

Speaker 80 So a miracle happened.

Speaker 119 I'm not kidding you.

Speaker 69 Okay, what? So

Speaker 102 I prayed about it that week.

Speaker 12 So then that weekend.

Speaker 25 You prayed to God, get me

Speaker 10 Deepak Trump's books.

Speaker 11 Right.

Speaker 78 So then that weekend, I was,

Speaker 78 you know, how if you lived in Hollywood and you were a doorman back then, you could open sometimes on the weekend in La Jolla.

Speaker 57 Right.

Speaker 64 So I was hosting for Tamayo Watsuki.

Speaker 55 Nope. Yeah, you don't know her?

Speaker 48 No.

Speaker 94 Please don't do that.

Speaker 89 She eats cats.

Speaker 85 Oh.

Speaker 97 Friend of the pod.

Speaker 85 Yeah.

Speaker 29 Is she alive still?

Speaker 69 I have this. So Tomaya Otsuki.

Speaker 32 Is she alive?

Speaker 116 Yeah. Shout her out then.
Tomayo hotsuits.

Speaker 103 Hope the feline feast is good.

Speaker 75 Tomaya Otsuki used to date Sam Kinnison.

Speaker 38 Oh, that makes sense. The cat-eating thing.

Speaker 75 Yeah, and she used to wear a kimono on stage.

Speaker 12 She was like, you know,

Speaker 78 in terms of Asians, like one of the first Asian female comics, way before Margaret.

Speaker 32 Yeah, well, this has been.

Speaker 64 Have you seen photos of her at the store? Like in the years.

Speaker 53 I've seen those photos.

Speaker 48 I thought that was.

Speaker 6 She has a neon light in the OR.

Speaker 69 Oh, she does. Yes, it says Tumayatsuki.

Speaker 21 Right. So

Speaker 69 she was on a sitcom.

Speaker 37 Which one?

Speaker 88 I forgot what it was called. It was canceled right away, but she used to date Sam Kinnison.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 64 And then she went crazy, and then she started living in the jungles of Hawaii.

Speaker 9 Oh, cool. Right.

Speaker 14 And then one time, years later, I don't know how long, I saw her and she looked like, she didn't look good.

Speaker 98 Like she was dying.

Speaker 70 Like she looked homeless.

Speaker 59 Like the cats had caught up to her.

Speaker 50 No, and she goes, I live in Hawaii now.

Speaker 7 I go, really?

Speaker 81 That's nice.

Speaker 112 No, I live in the jungle.

Speaker 3 I'm not kidding you. So I go, you live in the jungle?

Speaker 44 Yeah. And she showed me photo, I eat cat.

Speaker 3 Right?

Speaker 66 Yeah. I don't know if she was being real or not.

Speaker 7 No, she's being real. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, she's being real.

Speaker 79 And you could see like a hut that she had made in the middle of the jungle, right?

Speaker 119 And she had some sort of like makeshift rock table that she had made.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 51 And there was like sliced up little meats.

Speaker 7 She's like, I eat the cat.

Speaker 53 Right.

Speaker 47 And I go, Paul, you want to go up?

Speaker 30 You know what I mean?

Speaker 21 So I was opening for Tamayo.

Speaker 93 Yeah.

Speaker 85 So after, right?

Speaker 12 So I'm on stage.

Speaker 71 I'm on stage and I look down and there's this white chick in the front row.

Speaker 85 Yeah.

Speaker 109 And she's just like, look at me like this, right?

Speaker 95 Like she's going to kill you.

Speaker 127 And I know, I knew her.

Speaker 9 Oh.

Speaker 74 But I couldn't like really remember how.

Speaker 12 Because, you know, I grew up in San Diego, right? So

Speaker 29 then I look, I go, Katie?

Speaker 21 And it was a girl that I used to work with named Katie.

Speaker 55 Okay.

Speaker 12 So after the show, I go, what are you doing?

Speaker 113 And that boils on my face.

Speaker 70 She said, you look like shit.

Speaker 102 And she goes,

Speaker 12 I work, I'm Deepunk Trooper's assistant.

Speaker 84 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 16 Really?

Speaker 11 So I go. Did you almost start crying? I would have said that.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 51 I was like, something was happening.

Speaker 19 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 12 So I was getting like goosebumps.

Speaker 71 Of course. The whole thing, right? Of course.

Speaker 113 And I go,

Speaker 129 he lives here?

Speaker 93 She goes, yeah, come on by tomorrow.

Speaker 69 It was like right down the street.

Speaker 32 The Deepak Chopra. It's no longer there.

Speaker 22 But there used to be a Deepak Chopra learning center there.

Speaker 9 Right.

Speaker 102 So the next day I go over there.

Speaker 5 And she just handed me a bunch of books.

Speaker 130 Just take it.

Speaker 137 Shut up. Right.
So I take it.

Speaker 74 So this is really, and

Speaker 125 people are going to make fun of me for this, but

Speaker 64 I started reading it.

Speaker 26 Reading the books you were given?

Speaker 29 Yeah. That math adds up.

Speaker 3 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 80 So I started reading them.

Speaker 41 Yeah. Right.

Speaker 78 And I started applying them in my life.

Speaker 25 Like really putting them to practice.

Speaker 85 I'm not kidding you.

Speaker 106 Give me an example.

Speaker 21 So like in the seven spiritual laws of success,

Speaker 9 right?

Speaker 10 One of the laws was, you know, in order to achieve success, you have to help other people achieve success.

Speaker 21 Correct.

Speaker 126 Yeah, that makes sense. Okay.

Speaker 55 Give to get.

Speaker 5 Right. So what I would do is I would like, you know, set up showcases because I had a year with Mitzi.

Speaker 21 Right. So I would get people, like, I brought Brody to the comedy store.

Speaker 13 I helped Kevin Christie become a stand-up.

Speaker 10 You know what I mean?

Speaker 78 And that was all during that time period of like getting them in, you know what I mean? In front of Mitzi or getting him a doorman job.

Speaker 32 So you were helping people out there.

Speaker 22 I was doing everything I can to help people.

Speaker 127 And I'm not kidding you.

Speaker 87 In three months, my whole life changed.

Speaker 37 Now, have you continued to put those things in practice?

Speaker 47 Stopped. Right.

Speaker 88 I stopped. That's good.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 109 I'm done.

Speaker 32 I'm done with that.

Speaker 79 Because once I got in, I'm like, once you get in the water, you're in.

Speaker 7 You're swimming.

Speaker 79 Say, I'm on the surf, but now I can ride the waves.

Speaker 65 Yeah, now I'm going to go.

Speaker 79 So I had to get in the water.

Speaker 32 But wait till that tsunami comes.

Speaker 81 Right, and I'm going to, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 77 You're going to, you're going to, you're going to kill everybody.

Speaker 3 Everyone. Bye, Andrew.

Speaker 7 Bye, everybody.

Speaker 39 Yeah, yeah. It'll be gone.

Speaker 51 But so then.

Speaker 98 So the boils stopped at what point?

Speaker 127 Right, right then, and there, too.

Speaker 11 When you started helping people, the boils went away.

Speaker 97 What are you laughing at the boils for?

Speaker 11 That's mean.

Speaker 46 Because the three. You're gonna curse.

Speaker 11 I'm gonna curse you with boils.

Speaker 7 Boily screen. So I'll tell you what happened.

Speaker 43 Boily, boily.

Speaker 12 So I'll tell you the things that happened. So.
The boils on you.

Speaker 69 As soon as I started applying all this stuff, within like a three to six month period, right?

Speaker 55 Yeah. I got.

Speaker 69 So I auditioned.

Speaker 89 So I took a bus,

Speaker 8 right?

Speaker 101 I'm not kidding you. I know.

Speaker 127 So I took a, I had no money.

Speaker 78 I took a bus to an IBM commercial audition the one with

Speaker 12 no oh there was this one where I was a I was a space astronaut right

Speaker 81 with this guy named Eric Kircherberger from New York okay and so I audition then I get a call back take another bus and then I get it I get it and my manager you know happy yeah she calls me she goes you got it and I go oh cool so I thought how much do you think a commercial is well I know you should ask her because I'm very I'm very aware of a commercial Yeah, so how much do you think, though?

Speaker 11 Back then, yeah, let's see.

Speaker 34 In the 90s, in the 90s, was it buyouts?

Speaker 69 No, it was a national campaign, right?

Speaker 116 And you got residuals.

Speaker 44 It was a national campaign.

Speaker 17 100 grand.

Speaker 93 No.

Speaker 54 What was it?

Speaker 14 I got $350,000.

Speaker 95 Wow.

Speaker 78 For one day of work.

Speaker 27 Wow. Because it was, but you didn't get residuals, right?

Speaker 45 It was a buyout. No, it was a buyout.
Right.

Speaker 32 So I did six of them in one day.

Speaker 36 Right? You see, you did six times $350,000?

Speaker 29 No.

Speaker 78 I just got it all at one.

Speaker 53 But, dude, going from no money. I know.

Speaker 110 Going from boils on the face, stressed out.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 87 And then

Speaker 74 a couple of,

Speaker 14 so Ross, Mark, Ross and Bob Ross.

Speaker 7 I forgot their name. Bob Ross?

Speaker 118 The painter? No.

Speaker 12 Ross, Mark, and Bob.

Speaker 78 Something or right.

Speaker 89 They were bookers for the tonight show.

Speaker 3 Oh. Right.

Speaker 86 And

Speaker 78 one day I was working the back door.

Speaker 125 This is after the commercial. I was still working at the store.

Speaker 102 Yeah. But I was gloating.

Speaker 91 You were bragging a little bit.

Speaker 41 A lot.

Speaker 133 Got $350,000.

Speaker 80 Yeah, I had gotten a car, you know, that kind of stuff.

Speaker 25 Yeah, you're buying cigarettes that are pre-rolled.

Speaker 17 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 86 And they came up to me and they go, we work for the tonight show.

Speaker 78 We want you to audition for the tonight show.

Speaker 11 Just from the commercial?

Speaker 69 No, they were just seeing me around town.

Speaker 101 Right.

Speaker 69 Maybe my great deeds was right.

Speaker 38 The good deeds were paying off.

Speaker 113 I thought it was paying off.

Speaker 10 And then, um, so they, I'm working on that.

Speaker 12 And then Abby called me and goes, Will you audition for? It was called Mad TV.

Speaker 125 The show I was on for eight fucking.

Speaker 57 I remember now.

Speaker 125 You fucking memorize that?

Speaker 19 Yeah. What's it called?

Speaker 27 Mad TV. What is it called?

Speaker 55 Right.

Speaker 109 So then I got, then I got mad after that.

Speaker 9 Wow.

Speaker 10 And then, so it all comes out.

Speaker 11 So commercial tonight show mad.

Speaker 109 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 77 You know, you know, you had more money in your pocket than you've ever had in your entire life.

Speaker 22 Yeah, I remember moving out of the place I was and got a new place.

Speaker 99 First, the first thing you bought was a car.

Speaker 105 Second thing you bought.

Speaker 109 Well, then I told you about the GTI thing that happened.

Speaker 34 You got a GTI?

Speaker 95 So what happened was, this is how dumb I am.

Speaker 55 This is how dumb I am.

Speaker 79 So you know who Aaron Cater is?

Speaker 11 Of course, comic, yeah.

Speaker 17 Yeah, so I go, I got some money, but I want to get a car.

Speaker 50 He goes, cash.

Speaker 98 He's telling you to buy a car all cash. Yeah.

Speaker 9 Right. All right.

Speaker 112 I go, how much?

Speaker 14 If car is like $23,000, right?

Speaker 113 If you have $20,000 in cash, right?

Speaker 89 You could just get it.

Speaker 55 Correct. Right.

Speaker 32 So I go, All right, let's do it.

Speaker 119 So I go to the bank. I get cash.

Speaker 52 You got $20,000 out.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 137 So I go and I get this GTI.

Speaker 88 This is going to drive you crazy.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I feel it already.
Yeah.

Speaker 86 Then, like, two or three weeks later, I lived in Silver Lake on Sanborn and Sunset.

Speaker 38 Yeah, I know, right? You're right, right?

Speaker 95 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 119 And it just disappeared.

Speaker 14 It wasn't there anymore.

Speaker 116 The car? Yeah. One day disappeared.
It just was not there anymore.

Speaker 105 And what do you think happened to it?

Speaker 93 I don't know.

Speaker 103 Let's take a guess.

Speaker 93 It got impounded.

Speaker 106 It got stolen, probably, right?

Speaker 85 I don't know what happened.

Speaker 10 But I thought that once a car is gone,

Speaker 125 you just have to go get another one.

Speaker 109 So I went back to Erin.

Speaker 31 I go, I got to get another one.

Speaker 103 It's not a piece of gum.

Speaker 76 I was like, well, this one's done. I ought to just grab a new one.

Speaker 35 Years later, I found out you can call, you know what I mean?

Speaker 53 The cops.

Speaker 35 Yeah, I didn't do any of that.

Speaker 25 Insurance? It was gone.

Speaker 11 So you went and bought another car. Yes.
What was the second one?

Speaker 26 You bought the same car.

Speaker 31 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 97 So you just got 20 grand out, 20 grand again.

Speaker 37 Yeah, and no one questioned you because they thought maybe Bobby's on a roll.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 98 Damn, Bobby, that's so dumb.

Speaker 34 So you pissed away that $350K fast.

Speaker 96 Oh, it was gone.

Speaker 84 Fast. Yeah.

Speaker 49 Is that the fastest?

Speaker 35 I would go to Vegas.

Speaker 113 So this is, so I don't know why I'm getting so sentimental, but I like it.

Speaker 7 Yeah, you do.

Speaker 32 Well, it's Valentine's Day.

Speaker 127 Tell me more.

Speaker 12 I'll tell you more.

Speaker 14 So it got to the point where I had to go to Ari Shafir, because then Ari Shafir,

Speaker 8 right?

Speaker 34 The Jewish guy, the tallest guy.

Speaker 39 Yeah, so Ari Shafir started getting commercials.

Speaker 78 And I was running out of money.

Speaker 85 Yeah.

Speaker 12 So I went to Ari.

Speaker 119 I had no money again because I burned through everything, right?

Speaker 26 You blew 350.

Speaker 12 Yeah. And I went up to, you know, and this is still, I'm on Matt TV, but when I wasn't, they didn't pay you a lot.

Speaker 116 Can I take a guess?

Speaker 124 What? It was an episodic rate, right?

Speaker 77 You were getting paid per episode?

Speaker 39 No, I still had a deal, but it was like the lowest you could get.

Speaker 12 It was like something like $4,500 a week.

Speaker 32 Oh, it was a weekly thing. Oh, right, right, right.

Speaker 59 They don't pay, that's right. They don't pay you episodes over there, right?

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 99 So it was just like, and then with taxes and giving you managers and agents and lawyers.

Speaker 120 It really wasn't much. Right.

Speaker 12 So I remember going up to Arian go, give me 30 grand.

Speaker 52 Give me 30 grand. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 139 Or something like that.

Speaker 85 Did he? Yeah.

Speaker 94 He gave you 30K.

Speaker 139 Yeah, because I was desperate.

Speaker 118 But didn't say I want it back.

Speaker 31 Yeah, he did.

Speaker 79 No, but it wasn't.

Speaker 64 And I didn't pay him for years.

Speaker 7 He gave you 30k.

Speaker 31 And then every week I would have to avoid him almost.

Speaker 9 Right?

Speaker 69 So when he beat the shit out of me.

Speaker 91 Oh, yeah. What a night.
Right.

Speaker 12 People think it's because of the Natasha and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 126 It's the 30 grand.

Speaker 14 Deep down inside, I think.

Speaker 12 Because I remember once he beat the shit out of me the first time.

Speaker 78 Yeah. I went to the bank because I had the money then, and I gave him the money back.

Speaker 126 So it was about the money. Yeah.

Speaker 76 Well, it's a conglomerate.

Speaker 12 But then he beat me up two more times, so I don't think so.

Speaker 77 But that's just a racial thing.

Speaker 110 Maybe the racial. Yeah, maybe the racism is.

Speaker 48 It's because he's racist. Yeah.

Speaker 91 That's wild to think that it was about the money, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 106 I never knew that detail.

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Speaker 3 Hell yeah, boys.

Speaker 132 My name is Tyler. I'm enough years old and I'm from Newfoundland.
I love the Bad Friends podcast.

Speaker 60 Bad friends really changed my life.

Speaker 134 I appreciate you guys

Speaker 71 a lot.

Speaker 68 Kickstarting every week off with Bad Friends has been great.

Speaker 1 I really appreciate everything that you guys have done to keep us all entertained during the fucking apocalypse.

Speaker 134 You guys really put a smile on my face. You can put a smile on my face on everyone else.

Speaker 61 You guys mean so much to me. I love you guys so much.

Speaker 131 You guys bring it with the realness.

Speaker 13 You bring it with the honesty and you bring it with the jokes.

Speaker 132 Congratulations Congratulations on making it to the one-year anniversary of bad friends. You guys are fucking hilarious.

Speaker 140 You guys are the best podcasts out there. You guys are hilarious.

Speaker 140 All you guys, from Andrew, Bobby, Jules, Andreas.

Speaker 63 Not George, fuck George.

Speaker 37 Don't you think, by the way, saying what you said, if we're going to get serious about Deepak Chopra, don't you think you should start doing super nice things for other people again, and that will increase your luck or no?

Speaker 69 Well, that's why you're my friend, you know, Alex, the Warzone guy.

Speaker 38 You're helping him out by making him get you.

Speaker 12 You know, it's like, you know, he does things for me.

Speaker 91 And you pay him for them?

Speaker 79 I pay him for them, but I pay him good.

Speaker 103 That's not like a good deed.

Speaker 91 That's just like you employing somebody and overpaying them.

Speaker 107 A good deed would be like

Speaker 34 giving Fancy B some time off.

Speaker 118 See? He laughs because he needs it so bad.

Speaker 32 This is him and it could be.

Speaker 142 I could really use that time off.

Speaker 14 But Georgie boy. Georgie boy's having a baby.

Speaker 7 Yeah, we're going to get him. And we're going to give him some time off.

Speaker 130 Are we, though? Yeah.

Speaker 123 Do we do paid paternity leave and all this stuff?

Speaker 32 No, we don't do that.

Speaker 84 So he doesn't get paid.

Speaker 46 You're not here. You don't get paid.

Speaker 26 okay. Did you hear that?

Speaker 51 But good luck with the baby. All right.

Speaker 46 By the way, if you bring that baby in here.

Speaker 79 Oh, you know you're going to want to listen to it.

Speaker 59 I want to see the baby.

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 46 I want to kiss the baby.

Speaker 26 Will you bring the baby to the show? Yeah.

Speaker 36 Can we put it right between us?

Speaker 12 But speaking of Valentine's Day,

Speaker 78 you know, I ordered a ring.

Speaker 60 Shut up.

Speaker 26 You did? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 97 You seriously ordered a ring?

Speaker 10 Well, I'm talking to a guy.

Speaker 12 You're going to do it.

Speaker 2 I don't know what I'm going to do is he foolish yet i think he will

Speaker 22 are you being serious yeah i don't know what i don't know how it works i don't know what to say this is i'm gonna say i'm gonna say yes i'm gonna say yes never ask you what do you mean i would never marry you what is the ring for it's for my significant significant author oh you know that's so funny that you say that because that's cool no that's funny it's a funny bit well then let me fucking have it all right but i had a show idea a long time ago i think that you and i could do it what is it It's called,

Speaker 88 I think it was called Cuffed or something.

Speaker 81 You know what I mean? Okay.

Speaker 110 And basically,

Speaker 21 it's a reality show.

Speaker 39 Okay.

Speaker 22 You take two guys with polar personalities.

Speaker 93 Yeah.

Speaker 125 You handcuff them, and they just have to live with each other for like a month.

Speaker 77 I would rather.

Speaker 30 I know, but I'm just saying.

Speaker 52 Me and you together?

Speaker 12 Yeah, and you film 24-7.

Speaker 39 I go to the grocery store with you.

Speaker 68 We never take it off.

Speaker 102 We take showers together, right?

Speaker 48 Do we jerk each other off?

Speaker 7 I don't know.

Speaker 35 Maybe there's a thing that was like, I got to jerk off, right?

Speaker 31 No, we have to.

Speaker 15 You have have to cover it. We have to jerk each other off.

Speaker 31 No, no, no, I would never jerk you off.

Speaker 7 Come on, cross arms. Yeah.

Speaker 79 Are you right-handed?

Speaker 98 I'm ambidextrous. I learned because

Speaker 33 when I broke my arm, I learned how to go with my left.

Speaker 11 Sometimes I throw it in there just when I'm feeling tough.

Speaker 31 I do that.

Speaker 12 But I think that that would be a good show.

Speaker 36 Cuffed, me and you cuffed? Yeah.

Speaker 48 I mean, it's scary.

Speaker 32 Yeah. It would probably end this show.
You think so? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 34 We would be like, this is a fun segment.

Speaker 52 And then we would do it.

Speaker 64 I wouldn't be able to even sleep.

Speaker 89 Would you be able to even sleep?

Speaker 16 No.

Speaker 72 We'd be next to you.

Speaker 91 But also, also, you'd be up all night.

Speaker 24 I mean, like, what's your schedule? When are you really going to bed?

Speaker 80 Obviously, I wouldn't be able to play Warzone at four in the morning with me cuffed to you.

Speaker 31 Or maybe I could.

Speaker 32 I think I could. Well,

Speaker 52 it would be my one arm like this.

Speaker 23 But then I would have to do stuff that you'd want to do, like golf.

Speaker 77 Oh, my God.

Speaker 34 Me taking you golfing.

Speaker 36 You know how bad the fans want to see you go golfing with me?

Speaker 35 Yeah, but I was handcuffed too.

Speaker 34 Well, you'd be obviously on

Speaker 33 my left arm that I need my one dominant arm.

Speaker 66 Right. So let's say we're hooked here.

Speaker 83 So I would have to go around you around us and we'd do it together.

Speaker 49 And do it together.

Speaker 7 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 43 I would do it. Yeah.

Speaker 34 Actually, if we did a cuffed pitch, I would do it. We should pitch it to Netflix and be like, we're willing to do this.

Speaker 69 Yeah, but I was thinking about doing it where you could do it as a series where other people could do it too. Maybe it could be a, you know.

Speaker 11 Like we're cuffed season one.

Speaker 14 Or you could do it maybe, because I think that doing 13 episodes constantly,

Speaker 39 eventually I would just be dead.

Speaker 88 Yeah. Or vice versa.
Yeah.

Speaker 110 You would kill, you would kill each other.

Speaker 26 I would kill you first.

Speaker 38 Yeah, you'd probably kill me.

Speaker 33 I'd be dragging around this dragon dead guy.

Speaker 44 You're a dead, fat Asian guy. Yeah.

Speaker 4 But I like cuffed.

Speaker 55 It's a good idea.

Speaker 97 It's almost like, what's that show?

Speaker 98 Wife Swap.

Speaker 99 It's like that, where you take two people that should not be living in the same quarters all the time.

Speaker 130 But what would your wife do?

Speaker 118 If you and I are cuffed together. I mean, they'd have to be cuffed together too.

Speaker 7 That would be fun. That would be fun.

Speaker 97 And then who do we cuff to Rudy?

Speaker 119 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 97 Who do we cuff to Rudy?

Speaker 69 Yeah, Rudy, we cuff her to Fancy B.

Speaker 59 Fancy B.

Speaker 33 How great would that be?

Speaker 91 They would get along so well.

Speaker 123 Oh, yeah. Just two dorks hanging out all the time.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 85 We're playing a gazebo.

Speaker 142 Like, we found a cure for HIV.

Speaker 97 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 118 Rudy and I have been working diligently on getting satellites to the moon.

Speaker 30 So you're going to you you have a pony coming Sunday.

Speaker 34 Pony coming on Sunday that's for the dog. Um

Speaker 34 and I've also uh I've ordered some of the best meats.

Speaker 52 Uh and I'm gonna cook uh filet mignon with a mushroom and truffle butter sauce.

Speaker 79 Do you really know how to make those things? 100%.

Speaker 11 That's unbelievable. You come over to the house, man.

Speaker 36 I watch enough food network.

Speaker 105 I can cook almost anything at this point.

Speaker 112 Well, how did Valentine start?

Speaker 34 What's the origin of Valentine's Day?

Speaker 25 You don't really know? I really don't.

Speaker 72 St.

Speaker 25 Valentino? You don't know him?

Speaker 11 No.

Speaker 34 Saint Valentino was

Speaker 72 an Italian explorer.

Speaker 69 Obviously.

Speaker 4 Why? He could have been. Valentino.

Speaker 7 Okay, you got it. Okay.

Speaker 99 He was an Italian explorer.

Speaker 97 This is actually a true story.

Speaker 98 This is a true story. Let me finish.

Speaker 12 But can I just say this?

Speaker 99 No, because I have to finish.

Speaker 119 Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 116 Tell me this. What are you going to say?

Speaker 69 I'm just saying, please be honest because if it's a joke, then I'm going to have to Google it later.

Speaker 79 I'm going to Google it anyway.

Speaker 45 Right.

Speaker 45 Yeah.

Speaker 78 All right, go ahead. I'll just.

Speaker 34 Valentino, okay.

Speaker 7 What's his first name?

Speaker 9 Marco.

Speaker 95 Marco Valentino.

Speaker 26 Yeah, dude.

Speaker 9 All right.

Speaker 36 Okay, stop questioning me.

Speaker 77 So, Marco Valentino,

Speaker 77 he went to the government and said, I want to go explore new lands, right? So all these boats are already heading out, right?

Speaker 91 Who's heading out of the boats that we know? Columbo.

Speaker 7 Columbus.

Speaker 102 Magellan.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 92 Nostrashrof.

Speaker 116 Nostrashrof.

Speaker 77 These guys are out there on the seas.

Speaker 77 Valentino says, I want to go out there.

Speaker 118 And he said, Valentino, you can't.

Speaker 99 We've already paid for these men to get out at sea.

Speaker 25 We don't have any more room for you.

Speaker 34 And he said, well, what if I build my own boat?

Speaker 118 And they laughed in his face.

Speaker 43 Right. Right.
The government's like,

Speaker 26 Bill and Dino.

Speaker 139 This guy's going to send you to build his own boat.

Speaker 3 And they're dying.

Speaker 43 Right.

Speaker 26 He's an idiot. He's poor.

Speaker 138 This is a poor cobbler.

Speaker 11 You know what a cobbler is?

Speaker 101 Yeah, dude. They make apple cobbler.

Speaker 41 Exactly.

Speaker 97 He's making apple cobbler shoes.

Speaker 103 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Apple cobbler shoes, which is such a bad business.

Speaker 39 It's such a bad business.

Speaker 45 But he's doing it. Yeah.

Speaker 94 And squishy, the shoes.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 7 And they're every time you're like, we're done in a day.

Speaker 72 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 97 And so he's a poor cobbler, and he says, I'm going to make the boat out of love.

Speaker 98 I swear to to God.

Speaker 107 So now they think he's not only is he stupid, he's crazy.

Speaker 36 They're like, you're dumb and you're insane.

Speaker 34 He says, I'm going to build the boat out of love and watch.

Speaker 99 And I swear to God, just like your Deepak Chopra story,

Speaker 118 he would go around to people in the town and offer his heart and love and honesty and say, I want to give new land to the rest of the world and find new places.

Speaker 34 Will you donate?

Speaker 99 And his love that he gave to them, they would give to him.

Speaker 118 The community came together.

Speaker 106 They built a boat, the love boat.

Speaker 16 You know the show, The Love Boat?

Speaker 41 That's what it's based on.

Speaker 41 Yep.

Speaker 99 valentino set sail he found a new land but and it was called love island this week on mtv's love island three couples let me ask you this though yeah i i believe you thank you who's cute

Speaker 101 who's who's cupid how did cupid get in there is that's his name cupid cupid was actually an aborted baby oh that's why they have the angel that's exactly right right he was aborted it was valentino's worst aborted baby's his burst aborted babies

Speaker 3 right

Speaker 69 and the arrow that he's trying to kill.

Speaker 94 He's trying to kill Vantino for

Speaker 7 aborting him for killing him. Yep.

Speaker 99 You know what I mean? Because he made his girlfriend

Speaker 26 get an abortion. Yeah.

Speaker 35 I would have liked life, fucker.

Speaker 118 And by the way, his aggression, because the baby is doing that,

Speaker 29 it turns into a love arrow

Speaker 124 because God doesn't allow that for angels.

Speaker 95 See?

Speaker 12 It all makes sense.

Speaker 34 Is that close?

Speaker 85 Very close.

Speaker 120 Great. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 48 What's the real story? Do you like it?

Speaker 64 Here's what I'm going to say to you, Andy.

Speaker 18 Yeah.

Speaker 37 Andrew, I'm sorry. Yeah, don't do it again.

Speaker 95 It really, because when I talk about you at home,

Speaker 4 I call you Andy.

Speaker 69 Andy did this, or, you know what I mean? Oh, we got to go see Andy, you know, like today.

Speaker 102 Yeah.

Speaker 12 We're going to go see Andy. And it's just like, because I had a cousin named Andy.

Speaker 32 Yeah, I know. I know your cousin named him.

Speaker 91 We promoted his product on this show one time.

Speaker 7 That's Paul.

Speaker 47 They're all the same.

Speaker 20 Okay.

Speaker 44 And

Speaker 69 it just, Andy is a cuter, comical name.

Speaker 43 You don't like when I call you Bob, though.

Speaker 14 But that's my name.

Speaker 103 Your name is Bob He's a version of my name.

Speaker 11 All right. You can call me whatever you want.
I am.

Speaker 51 And that's why I keep doing it.

Speaker 7 What can we call her?

Speaker 50 By the way, Rudy,

Speaker 100 people don't even know why your name is Rudy.

Speaker 52 They don't get it.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 34 And if you weren't sticking around, if you weren't that early on in the pod, then you're never going to know.

Speaker 102 You know what's going to drive her crazy if you call her?

Speaker 137 What?

Speaker 8 Call her

Speaker 81 honey.

Speaker 59 Because that's her mom's name.

Speaker 55 All right, honey.

Speaker 32 See, it makes it up.

Speaker 34 She doesn't like it.

Speaker 12 Fuck.

Speaker 93 And when I call her honey at home, she goes, it's Juliana.

Speaker 6 She gets angry.

Speaker 34 Do you get really actually upset?

Speaker 32 No. You love your mom.

Speaker 64 Because you know why? As she gets older, Juliana.

Speaker 4 You're going to be a little bit more.

Speaker 104 But he says that I'll be fat like my mom.

Speaker 3 Well, you might.

Speaker 115 You keep stuffing your face with soda.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Yep.

Speaker 30 I say that you're getting fat like your mom.

Speaker 104 You will be fat like my mom.

Speaker 72 Is your mom fat?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 7 How big? How fat, though? Really?

Speaker 39 She's not that fat. She's thick.
Chubby.

Speaker 115 Chubby, but chubby thick.

Speaker 66 But if you look at photos of honey, they look exactly alike.

Speaker 64 As a young person, she was skinny. Was she not? Yeah, she was really skinny.

Speaker 51 Right, so I'm just giving you, I'm warning you.

Speaker 10 Start eating the dumplings.

Speaker 7 What does she eat that makes her ramen?

Speaker 46 What's going to make her fat, do you think?

Speaker 102 I think the ramen.

Speaker 69 So I bought like...

Speaker 72 How many times a day are you eating?

Speaker 108 Breakfast and dinner.

Speaker 24 No lunch. No.

Speaker 106 She's not getting fat. Yeah.

Speaker 21 No, but she eats a lot of junk.

Speaker 55 Like what?

Speaker 12 Like one time

Speaker 22 I walked into a room

Speaker 64 and she was eating McDonald's.

Speaker 37 What's your McDonald's order?

Speaker 84 I think we went over this last week.

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 104 Chocolate Sunday.

Speaker 19 Chicken nuggets.

Speaker 104 Chicken nuggets and hamburger.

Speaker 85 Hamburger.

Speaker 106 That's a good.

Speaker 113 That's good. That is so good.

Speaker 36 She's eating a little McDonald's and you're swagging your finger at her.

Speaker 91 You're going, hey, you're going to get fat.

Speaker 97 Why are you worried about her weight?

Speaker 71 Because she's my daughter.

Speaker 7 Yeah, but let her get fat.

Speaker 126 No, then you have more material.

Speaker 101 Juliana, I have to say that I have, you know,

Speaker 113 parental feelings towards you.

Speaker 75 You know, and you treat me like garbage.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 101 You don't?

Speaker 108 I don't.

Speaker 23 You treat me good.

Speaker 26 Yeah, I care.

Speaker 78 You never, you know, you don't. I'll tell you why you don't care.

Speaker 69 Because who does, do I do conversations with you with you not involved in the conversations?

Speaker 102 Yeah. Yeah.
So I'll go like this.

Speaker 12 We'll be in the living room. Right.

Speaker 110 Because she doesn't say anything to me.

Speaker 102 Right? Yeah. So I'll just go.

Speaker 14 Yeah, I'm pretty good. Yeah, this morning my back hurt a little bit, and

Speaker 23 she'll just be cooking something, like making ramen or something.

Speaker 75 Right. And she's not saying anything, and I'm just answering questions I wish she would ask me.

Speaker 130 Right.

Speaker 107 She's sitting there just stirring a pie.

Speaker 112 You know, but as I get older, you know, I have, you know, other dreams.

Speaker 69 She's like, and she'll just be cooking.

Speaker 65 You don't pay any mind to him?

Speaker 61 No, I say good morning to Bobby.

Speaker 52 But you don't, you don't, you don't, you're not really engaged about his life.

Speaker 24 No. You don't care, right?

Speaker 57 No. Right.

Speaker 59 That's honest.

Speaker 13 Yeah, but that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 76 Are you doing something for Valentine's Day?

Speaker 52 No.

Speaker 99 Has a boy on the internet asked you out for Valentine's Day?

Speaker 84 No.

Speaker 11 All right, if you're lying, we'll find out.

Speaker 3 I'm not lying.

Speaker 10 Are guys still hitting on you on the Instagram?

Speaker 32 Who? Direct messages.

Speaker 48 Yeah, we found out you were getting DMs.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 55 Oh, yeah, but I don't talk to them.

Speaker 95 You don't?

Speaker 123 Any of them?

Speaker 7 No.

Speaker 7 I swear to God.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 54 Rudy? I promise.

Speaker 7 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 69 Because she's starting.

Speaker 10 Now they're going in-room classes now, so I'm letting her have my car.

Speaker 36 Wait, seriously, they're doing in-school?

Speaker 96 Yeah, in about a month, right?

Speaker 11 Yeah. For how much longer?

Speaker 97 When is school done?

Speaker 7 In June? Oh, really?

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 47 Why did I think we were earlier than that?

Speaker 106 April or May or something? What is this here?

Speaker 97 What is this?

Speaker 34 Is this the real definition of Valentine's Day? From February 13th to the 15th, the Romans celebrated the feast of

Speaker 43 Lupocalia.

Speaker 34 Never mentioned that in your soul. The men sacrificed a goat and a dog.

Speaker 77 Yes, I did. And then

Speaker 34 whipped women with the hides of the animals they had just slain.

Speaker 77 What?

Speaker 97 Whoa, we should do this.

Speaker 32 You get to hit somebody else.

Speaker 22 Zoom in closer, please, because my eyes are fucked.

Speaker 80 Zoom in closer. Thursday.

Speaker 34 From February 13th to the 15th.

Speaker 51 From February 13th to the 15th, the Romans celebrated the feast of Luprecor.

Speaker 69 The men sacrificed goat and a dog.

Speaker 127 dog, then whipped women with hides of the animals they had just slain.

Speaker 4 What the fuck?

Speaker 25 And the Roman Romantics were drunk.

Speaker 33 They were naked.

Speaker 10 Says Noel Lensky.

Speaker 95 Young women would actually

Speaker 34 line up for the men to hit them.

Speaker 99 The women would get in line to get hit with the hides of animals.

Speaker 34 They believed this would make them fertile.

Speaker 59 Wow.

Speaker 115 We got to say this to chicks today.

Speaker 7 No.

Speaker 34 The brutal feat included matchmaking lottery, which young men drew the names of women from a jar.

Speaker 99 The couple would then be coupled for the duration of the festival or longer if the match was right.

Speaker 34 So you just, this is like a case of the moment.

Speaker 71 I would draw a fucked-up name.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 32 Like, wow, fuck Rosie O'Donnell.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean?

Speaker 35 Get out there.

Speaker 83 You would get like someone hot.

Speaker 48 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I get a supermodel. Yeah.

Speaker 99 The ancient Romans may also be responsible for the name of the modern day of love.

Speaker 34 Emperor Claudius II executed two men, both named Valentine, after my story, on February 14th of different years in the third century AD.

Speaker 99 Their martyrdom was honored by the Catholic Church with the celebration of St. Valentine's Day.

Speaker 44 Whoa, so nothing that you said.

Speaker 34 No, no, this is what also was happening while I was saying what I said.

Speaker 22 Yeah, but this is the important stuff.

Speaker 31 Why would you leave off this stuff?

Speaker 34 Well, because this, well, yeah, you're right.

Speaker 126 I wanted this to be found after I told you the original story.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 11 It's pretty impressive, though.

Speaker 113 Yeah.

Speaker 118 They used to beat women with the hides of dogs.

Speaker 139 So how do you make a hide? You kill a dog first?

Speaker 83 Skin it.

Speaker 10 You skin it, you dry it out.

Speaker 65 Dry it, skin it. Right.

Speaker 78 And then you...

Speaker 32 Oh.

Speaker 100 Use it as like an area rug or a carpet.

Speaker 110 Yeah, and then how do you roll it up and you hit somebody with it? Yeah.

Speaker 120 Roll it and smack it, baby.

Speaker 11 You never heard of roll and smack.

Speaker 7 You don't know.

Speaker 83 I don't know about rolling smack.

Speaker 32 So it was like a yoga mat.

Speaker 7 But it popped up for beating women.

Speaker 38 Yeah, it was a yoga mat.

Speaker 66 Instead of, you'd roll it up like a yoga mat.

Speaker 7 Yeah, like it hit a woman, right?

Speaker 12 And then

Speaker 51 why can't they use a stick?

Speaker 136 Sticks were

Speaker 84 just like...

Speaker 3 What do you mean, sticks were...

Speaker 27 There wasn't as many trees back then.

Speaker 91 No. The trees have come as time has gone.

Speaker 69 Isn't whips made from hide?

Speaker 29 A switch of.

Speaker 34 A whip is made from a hide.

Speaker 77 Leather.

Speaker 7 Yeah, leather. Yeah.
That's the same thing.

Speaker 48 It's a big whip.

Speaker 118 But it takes a long time.

Speaker 98 With this way, you skin the dog. You already got

Speaker 7 your rolling beat.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 130 You know,

Speaker 95 are you into S ⁇ M or I thought about stuff like that?

Speaker 47 Look,

Speaker 72 did we buy a harness?

Speaker 26 Yeah.

Speaker 119 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 34 My biggest fear about all that stuff is murder.

Speaker 107 Because what if somebody takes it too far?

Speaker 123 Yeah.

Speaker 97 Every time I see it, I'm like, what if you hit someone and hurt them and kill them?

Speaker 46 Yeah. How do you explain that to your family?

Speaker 72 Imagine you calling Kalila's family.

Speaker 43 She was just

Speaker 42 We were just playing around. She was tied up.

Speaker 98 But why did she have a ball gag in her mouth and she had so many things stuffed into her anus?

Speaker 42 The ball gag was the size of a ping-pong ball.

Speaker 121 We didn't think that was going to do her anything.

Speaker 58 Yeah, yeah, but all the things you put in her anus, what was all that?

Speaker 49 Marshmallow toothpicks.

Speaker 138 Yes. Also, something was on fire sticking out of her ear.

Speaker 16 Why would you do that?

Speaker 7 I don't know.

Speaker 93 I like the sound

Speaker 84 of kaboom.

Speaker 115 Could you imagine you'd have to explain to somebody how you, if SNM accidents happen, I'm sure.

Speaker 25 You're you're hanging people from the ceiling, you're tying them up.

Speaker 39 Yeah, but what's the pleasure, though?

Speaker 118 The punishment is the pleasure.

Speaker 7 I'm tied up, right?

Speaker 12 Right? A woman's whipping me.

Speaker 64 She's in leather.

Speaker 7 Shut up. Yeah.

Speaker 71 And it hurts. Oh, God.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's like, ah, right.

Speaker 115 What about the women that step on guys? They step on their balls.

Speaker 48 That's a real guys love it.

Speaker 118 They kick them in the balls.

Speaker 99 But I think it's because I think the guys get off on it because they like to be submissive.

Speaker 34 And sometimes the women, they want this dominant, I control you, because men are so controlling.

Speaker 78 Or when the guy, or the guy is like in a baby, like in a bib.

Speaker 7 Feed me. Yeah, feed me.

Speaker 12 And right, and they're being in a chain, right?

Speaker 7 And they're crawling around.

Speaker 121 Right. You're right.
It's like, and then the next thing you know, they're working at an office.

Speaker 107 These people are in HR, right?

Speaker 7 These are normal accounts.

Speaker 22 They're out working, right?

Speaker 95 And at home.

Speaker 18 Do you guys know that today is your anniversary, too? This is our 52nd. Oh, my God.

Speaker 24 It's our one year.

Speaker 18 One year anniversary.

Speaker 84 Oh, my God. Oh my God.

Speaker 16 This is of the pod. We did a year.
This is one year of the pod.

Speaker 7 Are you kidding me?

Speaker 3 Wow.

Speaker 12 You and I have been talking for that long?

Speaker 95 For a year.

Speaker 91 Well, we've been talking longer than that. We've known each other significantly longer.

Speaker 75 I know, but we never really knew each other.

Speaker 34 We know each other as well as anybody knows each other in comedy.

Speaker 78 I know, but that's nothing.

Speaker 103 It is, and it's supposed to be that way.

Speaker 12 I know.

Speaker 113 I went to your birthday party once, I guess, at the bowling alley.

Speaker 94 You did, and I went to your birthday party.

Speaker 39 And then we did some sketches together.

Speaker 13 Yes, we did.

Speaker 120 No, we did some stuff.

Speaker 7 We did some stuff together.

Speaker 97 But in comedy, it's hard to get really in-depth with people.

Speaker 52 You know why?

Speaker 25 You're so hungry, hustling for your own.

Speaker 34 This is what people don't know, and we talk too much business sometimes.

Speaker 34 But what people don't understand is like when you say you put in years of work, when I say we put in years of work, they all are kind of like, yeah, whatever.

Speaker 11 They don't understand.

Speaker 43 Yeah.

Speaker 11 That you're like 10 hours a night.

Speaker 112 It's not even that, though.

Speaker 45 It's and 10 hours a day.

Speaker 34 And then the four hours that you're supposed to have to yourself, you're panicking about why you can't make money and make rent and how many other gigs you need to do to make sure it's all going to work out.

Speaker 36 And who doesn't like me?

Speaker 34 Why can't I get booked to this thing?

Speaker 118 And how did it never ending?

Speaker 21 But when you show up to a

Speaker 45 gone,

Speaker 9 right?

Speaker 55 Yeah.

Speaker 75 You have to imagine that everybody wants to make it.

Speaker 126 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 88 Everybody will cut your throat to get ahead. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 10 So you're in this environment, right?

Speaker 12 But also you have to play nice.

Speaker 34 Well, you have to, you have to be a decent, nice human.

Speaker 65 You have to go, good set.

Speaker 26 You did good. You did it good.

Speaker 106 That was funny.

Speaker 69 You're going to go places, right?

Speaker 51 But then, right.

Speaker 23 They talk shit.

Speaker 45 About you.

Speaker 69 They slash you behind your back.

Speaker 10 Of course.

Speaker 69 Right. And you have to navigate all this fucking bullshit.

Speaker 95 Right.

Speaker 10 And then, like, I remember one time when Mitch Hedberg shot his first special.

Speaker 19 Comic Central. Yeah.

Speaker 5 I was there.

Speaker 72 Were you really? Yeah, I was there. The one that he bombed?

Speaker 21 Yeah, where he bombed. He was terrible.

Speaker 72 It was bad. I remember how bad.
And he made fun of how bad it was the whole time.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so I was there.

Speaker 5 But for me to, but I was there because I begged.

Speaker 122 10 people, right?

Speaker 10 Right. And to even get in into that place.

Speaker 12 And then I was like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 10 Just backstage.

Speaker 22 I didn't know anybody. Right.

Speaker 127 And nobody knew me.

Speaker 95 People would walk by, like, Norm McDonald was there, you know, people.

Speaker 129 And I was just like, no one knows me.

Speaker 137 I beg to get here.

Speaker 71 Right.

Speaker 101 And I can't mingle. I don't know who to talk to.

Speaker 59 You're just kind of staggered.

Speaker 75 And you leave and you go home and you're like, that was worthless.

Speaker 8 You know what I mean?

Speaker 14 And you just never know how to make it.

Speaker 19 Yeah.

Speaker 112 How do you make it?

Speaker 103 That's why you have to fight.

Speaker 95 You have to fight the whole time and then years later you just you just kind of realize oh i know what the key the key is this you just don't stop you well you got to be talented no you have to be but there's a lot of guys i can tell you 10 guys right now that are super talented that haven't made it and they've been around for a long time so what's the problem with them

Speaker 89 it's it's just a look

Speaker 34 You got to have a look.

Speaker 89 That has a lot to do with it.

Speaker 106 Yeah, like you've got a look and I have a look.

Speaker 115 We do. No, we do.

Speaker 7 We stand out.

Speaker 3 That's my point, yeah.

Speaker 64 I think that our personality

Speaker 7 is not good-looking.

Speaker 69 I know, but our characters are kind of chiseled out.

Speaker 6 We know what we are.

Speaker 95 Yeah, it's very obvious.

Speaker 88 It's obvious, you know.

Speaker 12 And so, like, when I go in to an audition, it's like I know generally.

Speaker 107 They know what they're getting.

Speaker 21 Yeah, this is what they want, right?

Speaker 102 Yeah.

Speaker 89 So it's like, and a lot of it has to do with timing.

Speaker 15 It's a lot of times.

Speaker 102 It's harder for white guys now.

Speaker 71 Is it? Yeah.

Speaker 103 It is, isn't it? It's so hard.

Speaker 32 They don't want it.

Speaker 101 In terms of acting, comedy, it's just harder.

Speaker 12 You can tell by, you know,

Speaker 101 I'm going to say this.

Speaker 51 A couple of new faces ago at Montreal.

Speaker 81 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 75 I remember hearing a couple of managers and agents going, it's the end of comedy because now they're choosing people to tick a box instead of by how funny they are.

Speaker 46 Right.

Speaker 89 Right.

Speaker 90 So they have to have the fat black guy. They have to have the Asian guy.
They have to have six women.

Speaker 75 They have to have instead of going

Speaker 7 who's the funniest?

Speaker 78 Yeah, comedy merit.

Speaker 77 But what if the fat black guy and the Asian woman and all that stuff?

Speaker 34 What if they are very funny? They just didn't get a chance to get shown.

Speaker 103 But still, that's another side of it.

Speaker 88 So the funnier white guys should get in.

Speaker 34 The funniest people should get in, period. Yeah.

Speaker 69 Right.

Speaker 12 But that doesn't necessarily mean that so some of those check marks won't be checked.

Speaker 79 Sometimes they're not.

Speaker 86 If you went through, if you based it on just talent and the room and work ethic and all that stuff,

Speaker 101 some checks mark, you know, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 11 I know what you're saying. Yeah.

Speaker 34 And you also want to be probably the top Asian dog for a while.

Speaker 17 What do you mean?

Speaker 36 And I shouldn't use Asian and dog in the same, but I mean you want to be the top guy for a while because you want to be.

Speaker 117 You don't want another couple of young Asians creeping up on you.

Speaker 7 They were already there.

Speaker 59 I know, but I'm saying it's a little, it's a weird, huh?

Speaker 16 No, it's not.

Speaker 84 Because you were kind of holding your own for a moment.

Speaker 26 And Joel Kim Booster is.

Speaker 35 Yeah. There was a time, yeah.

Speaker 84 No, there's some guys that are creeping up right now.

Speaker 3 No, that's a very funny agent.

Speaker 50 What are you trying to do? No, I'm sorry.

Speaker 50 No.

Speaker 53 There is a. Do you know why? Yeah.

Speaker 79 Do you know why? No.

Speaker 32 Why no?

Speaker 23 Because of the fact that I'm old.

Speaker 55 Oh, yeah. Right.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 39 And you can't take away the things I've done.

Speaker 93 Right.

Speaker 55 You can't take away age. Right.

Speaker 35 Experience. I mean, not any experience.

Speaker 69 It's just like in terms of the relationships I have and the things that I've carved out.

Speaker 23 And I did a lot of firsts.

Speaker 21 You know what I mean?

Speaker 103 A lot of people owe owe you favors.

Speaker 11 No, that's a fact.

Speaker 34 You've cultivated a lot of relationships, and you've let a lot of people down as far as what you've given them.

Speaker 16 But they owe you.

Speaker 33 Have I gotten my fucking role on Magnum PI or not?

Speaker 116 I'm going to get it. Because we watched it the other night because of you.
I put it on Instagram.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 33 You and the washing machine.

Speaker 106 Can I do your scene?

Speaker 12 Can I do your scene? I'm going to say this.

Speaker 94 You be Jay, and I'll be you.

Speaker 55 Me in? All right. I'm ready.
Yeah.

Speaker 15 Okay. All right, you're Jay here now.

Speaker 93 I don't know what his lines were but yeah man make it up like we do on the show about everything all right fuck you all right hey Jim what are you doing oh what's his name Jin no your name Jin that's why I just said it I'm Magnum yeah I'm Jin yeah so hey Jin what are you doing right okay sorry hey Jin what are you doing magnum what are you doing here oh um I don't know but what are you doing in that in the

Speaker 7 laundry

Speaker 35 Oh my god, you're making me so angry right now.

Speaker 50 Why? I don't know why.

Speaker 7 That's the scene. Yeah, yeah.
Laundry? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 127 It looks like you're doing more than laundry.

Speaker 106 No.

Speaker 103 And then does he open it?

Speaker 7 Is that what happens? Yeah, he opens it.

Speaker 11 So he opens it, and then it's money. You see it's money.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 38 And I go, oh, no.

Speaker 119 Yeah.

Speaker 79 And you say, money, and you're laundering money. No, I'm not.

Speaker 77 How about this? Fucking hate.

Speaker 105 And then you go, and then you say something to the effect of,

Speaker 142 it's a couple of side gigs.

Speaker 29 What's a little bit of hustle? You want to get in on it?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 32 It's not that big of a deal.

Speaker 106 Yeah.

Speaker 59 And then he says, what? Magnum says, clean up your action.

Speaker 18 Yeah, George and I were uh celebrating your anniversary, and we reached out to a lot of like celebrities

Speaker 18 who are

Speaker 18 huge fans of the show. Oh, wow, I like that, and they just send us a few messages for you guys.

Speaker 80 Okay, that's great.

Speaker 12 If they're not real celebrities, I'm gonna be so good afternoon.

Speaker 62 This is John Cleese. I'm sure you know this because you aren't buffoons.

Speaker 62 A life without love is simply like the moon without stars, flowers without a smell, a sky without sun, or in your case, a podcast without comedy. Happy anniversary.

Speaker 17 Wow.

Speaker 127 Anyone can do that.

Speaker 33 So we're calling them out. Are we going to call them out?

Speaker 127 Frank Caliendo did that.

Speaker 139 Who did that? Who did that?

Speaker 54 John Cleese?

Speaker 37 That was John Cleese.

Speaker 51 Also, he didn't say our names?

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 133 Go ahead. This is Morgan Freeman.

Speaker 130 I just want to tell you, boys, you're an addiction I never want to get over.

Speaker 55 I hope to spend every Valentine's Day of our lives together.

Speaker 37 That's Morgan Freeman.

Speaker 123 We got a lot of good celebrity friends.

Speaker 84 Who else hit us up?

Speaker 62 For millions of years, man has been searching for a podcast.

Speaker 139 David Attenborough fill its hearts with joy and love.

Speaker 62 I dare say you boys have done it. Next time I'm in town, let's show each other our mating dancers.

Speaker 139 Is that you?

Speaker 52 This is David Attenborough.

Speaker 81 Okay, give me another one.

Speaker 116 None of these are me.

Speaker 145 McConaughey here.

Speaker 146 Hope you boys find love.

Speaker 145 That's Matthew.

Speaker 146 Not only in people, but also in everything you do and everything around you.

Speaker 84 That actually sounds like him.

Speaker 145 And look around you.

Speaker 101 Yeah, I want to know who the impression is.

Speaker 85 Always.

Speaker 146 You see everything around you?

Speaker 127 You see the walls.

Speaker 146 Maybe there's a table. There's some things on the table.

Speaker 146 Just pick up something.

Speaker 145 Hold it in your hand. Okay.

Speaker 7 Feel it in your fingers.

Speaker 85 Love that.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 7 They're not specific.

Speaker 32 All you need.

Speaker 16 Be specific.

Speaker 45 Andrew sent you.

Speaker 51 Don't say boys. Say.

Speaker 12 Bobby, Andrew sent you bad friends. You know, something like that.

Speaker 102 That narrows it down.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 46 So, well, who's there more?

Speaker 147 One more. Oh, wow.

Speaker 37 We got so many celebrity buds.

Speaker 130 I love it.

Speaker 123 These are all real.

Speaker 143 I had to call you boys. I mean, wow.

Speaker 3 I really had to call it.

Speaker 58 He loves this show.

Speaker 143 And the only prescription is more bad friends.

Speaker 143 Can you send that to me in pill form or maybe a suppository? I can shout on my ass.

Speaker 143 Call me back.

Speaker 54 Ciao.

Speaker 103 That's great.

Speaker 7 Is that an app?

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 25 It's an app. I don't know.

Speaker 34 What is that, you guys?

Speaker 18 It's not a lot of your celebrity friends.

Speaker 130 No, it's not.

Speaker 32 It's not.

Speaker 57 Be honest with me.

Speaker 139 Who did that?

Speaker 18 Well, George and I sent the podcast to a lot of celebrities, and those are the five who actually watch it.

Speaker 85 Wow. Like that.

Speaker 84 That's pretty cool that those guys actually watch the show.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 84 I can't believe you don't give them credit.

Speaker 101 Thank you.

Speaker 18 We have a lot of messages from

Speaker 143 George.

Speaker 130 Andrade.

Speaker 116 It's me, George.

Speaker 60 I wanted to thank you guys for, you know, 52 weeks of bickering and banter and love.

Speaker 60 You guys literally give me the energy and inspiration to fucking plow through every day at full force like a freight train. I'm down 60 pounds now.

Speaker 7 Hell yeah.

Speaker 84 Oh, that's awesome. Oh my god.

Speaker 7 You know what that is?

Speaker 3 Staples?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 60 I just wanted to show you guys some fucking tremendous love from Kankakee, Illinois, buddy.

Speaker 85 Kankakee.

Speaker 22 Oh, what a nice guy.

Speaker 133 Hey, what's up, Hobby and Andrew? My name is Alex, and just wanted to give you guys a quick thank you. Obviously, with 2020 being the train wreck as it was,

Speaker 133 your podcast could not have come along at a better time. I mean, with all the negativity and hate and everything going around, scratching his asshole.

Speaker 95 What really was much needed comic relief and scratching his asshole.

Speaker 133 I got sent.

Speaker 145 So, you guys and everybody at the team,

Speaker 5 Fancy B, and George.

Speaker 7 That's really good.

Speaker 39 Work is much appreciated.

Speaker 85 Clever content coming.

Speaker 133 It's clever. Thanks very much for everything, guys.

Speaker 9 I like that guy.

Speaker 85 Very clever.

Speaker 98 He's from Chicago. I can feel it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 59 He says, content.

Speaker 142 Thanks for the content.

Speaker 141 Andrew, Bobby, Jules, George, Fancy B, what up?

Speaker 130 I'm Rocom.

Speaker 141 I made the intro music for the show. There it is.

Speaker 141 It's okay if you guys cut this out and don't use it.

Speaker 130 All right.

Speaker 19 We're going to cut it. We're going to cut it.

Speaker 141 For letting me be a tiny part of it at the beginning of each episode.

Speaker 141 It's been a year, and I think that's insane. And you guys are so huge.

Speaker 141 Like, I can literally talk to anyone now and say, oh, I made that intro music for this podcast, and they know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 130 Very cool.

Speaker 141 You guys are killing it. And I can't wait to see what the future brings.

Speaker 55 i'm about with the cry don't cry

Speaker 148 every monday and i love it that's my boy that's nice bro comes a shit i like it more i like it you like this making you touch me in a good way i like this bob there are other people that look like this uh bobby andrew jules andres the behind the scenes producers that are remote um

Speaker 148 and no one else fuck you pink dick

Speaker 19 this guy's awesome

Speaker 148 has me a lot to me this year i play it during online classes to procrastinate work, and it's really a big deal to me to see another

Speaker 148 weird, mutant, freak, red-headed person making it big time. Yeah, baby.
You know, it's kind of like

Speaker 148 how Bobby must have felt when he first saw, like, Enter the Dragon.

Speaker 116 Yeah, thank you. Bye.

Speaker 59 It's great, dude. My kid has a good sense of humor.

Speaker 85 I love it.

Speaker 85 Enter the Dragon.

Speaker 107 Little Asian joke.

Speaker 33 We got to throw a couple in there.

Speaker 16 As redheads, it's part of our thing. Yeah.

Speaker 105 Rick Lassman again making an appearance on the podcast.

Speaker 68 Bobby's really lit. Andrew's really lit.

Speaker 13 Rudy's really lit. And it's just fun to watch sometimes.

Speaker 55 I like that guy. I like that guy a lot.

Speaker 68 Short and simple.

Speaker 11 And the blah blah blah blah blah. The lips was really cool.

Speaker 85 That was really good.

Speaker 149 Happy anniversary to two of my favorite comics in the world. Yeah.
I listened to you guys. I mean, fuck

Speaker 3 a lot.

Speaker 149 While I brush my teeth, while I cook dinner, my roommate thinks I'm an absolute psychopath

Speaker 149 because I blast you guys's conversations throughout the apartment.

Speaker 85 Love it.

Speaker 149 Some of it may be a little controversial, but it sure as fuck makes me laugh.

Speaker 120 Do we say controversial stuff on the show?

Speaker 31 Yeah, like the Robert E.

Speaker 110 Lee stuff we did earlier.

Speaker 32 That's good stuff.

Speaker 149 How much you've helped me this year throughout the pandemic.

Speaker 148 It's been rough out there.

Speaker 143 Thank you so much.

Speaker 84 See, there are good-looking redheads.

Speaker 29 She's cute.

Speaker 11 There's some good-looking redheads on the turf.

Speaker 84 Yeah, see? I told you we got some in the stable.

Speaker 91 We have some in the stable.

Speaker 29 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 97 Also, I want to say this is a very serious note.

Speaker 99 Thank you to our fans.

Speaker 34 We really do appreciate it. It's our year anniversary, and this has meant a lot to us.

Speaker 124 Probably

Speaker 34 as much as it's meant to you guys,

Speaker 34 we love it.

Speaker 39 You know,

Speaker 75 here's what I want to say sincerely is that,

Speaker 5 you know, sometimes, because, you know, the studio is just down the street from our house.

Speaker 22 It's a mile from our home So we just kind of get in the car and we drive here and you think you're doing because I don't go out so I don't really know what's going on really what's going on and what the reaction really is because you know we don't go on the road and they don't feel it.

Speaker 21 We don't feel it.

Speaker 12 So it's like

Speaker 75 so you kind of feel like you're doing it in a vacuum, you know?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 6 And but when you get messages like this, you realize that people do listen to it.

Speaker 93 I don't know why.

Speaker 118 Because they love it.

Speaker 113 I know, but I'm just, you you know, I have to ask.

Speaker 116 Don't do that again.

Speaker 127 I do know why.

Speaker 126 It's magic. It's magic, baby.

Speaker 26 So we thank you. We thank you so much.

Speaker 115 And Rudy wants to thank you as well.

Speaker 103 Rude. Say something.

Speaker 108 Thank you, everyone, for listening.

Speaker 108 Oh, my God.

Speaker 104 Happy anniversary.

Speaker 38 No,

Speaker 103 be sincere.

Speaker 10 Idiot gets off a fucking boat, knows three words in English, and she's a job.

Speaker 46 She's an internet superstar.

Speaker 21 Yeah, she's an internet superstar, and that's what she comes up with.

Speaker 59 Be sincere.

Speaker 3 Say something more.

Speaker 51 No, say something more.

Speaker 84 Say more.

Speaker 111 Thank you.

Speaker 103 Thank you again.

Speaker 37 She starts with thank you.

Speaker 55 For

Speaker 52 if you say being a bad friend.

Speaker 104 No, thank you for always.

Speaker 3 I don't know. Listen, finish it.
Thank you.

Speaker 35 You're going to talk for two minutes.

Speaker 121 Yeah, you got to talk.

Speaker 51 Fill in the fucking dead air.

Speaker 83 Fill in the dead air.

Speaker 7 Two minutes. Let's go.

Speaker 104 Thank you for

Speaker 104 supporting the podcast. Thank you for listening to us, even if it's stupid.

Speaker 104 Thank you.

Speaker 26 For you don't have to say thank you.

Speaker 107 Yeah, just say your heart.

Speaker 127 Yeah, your heart.

Speaker 9 Go ahead.

Speaker 144 I love coming here so much. The boys treat me better than I ever could have expected.
Back where I come from. All I had was one balut a week to eat, and now here I eat every day anything I want.

Speaker 144 So thank you to the fans, to America, and to Donald Trump.

Speaker 142 This is the greatest country.

Speaker 25 Keep moving your lips.

Speaker 142 This is the greatest country on earth.

Speaker 144 Make America great again.

Speaker 72 We got you saying that on tape.

Speaker 7 Yeah.

Speaker 129 My name is Rudy, and on January 6th, I went to the Capitol

Speaker 3 and I

Speaker 129 had my bat and I had my Confederate flag and I tried to bash in the window, but I saw weak.

Speaker 7 So I went just to the front door and went in.

Speaker 42 I said, Hey, well, Nancy Pelosi office, I'm gonna hang her.

Speaker 12 You mean, I don't know if I'm gonna get in trouble, but no one did nothing, so I'm back here doing bad friends.

Speaker 90 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 3 That's great, yeah.

Speaker 46 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 46 hard times. Too long to good times.

Speaker 46 Cause you come around.

Speaker 46 Maybe I will get the whole job. Maybe it's a good luck.