Bobby and Andrew Take Down Wall Street

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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. You know me? Koreans came up to me.
And said what? Dude, bad friends? Bobby Lee is like my idol, man. I'm a leader.
Trust me, I know. She doesn't respect me, right? That's disgusting.
But what I wanted to tell you right now is I'm a leader of a group. Recognize.
All right, recognize, right? And if there was a war, God bless it, be not happen, right? God bless, not happen. God bless it, be not happen, right? You would be in big trouble, all trouble.
Big time. I'm going to tell you another thing, young lady.
Tell her. You're not going to believe this.
This is against you. You're not going to believe this.
So we get in the car, right, to drive here. And she goes, I go, what? She goes, if Andrew not wearing a mask, right, I'm going to say something.
I was wearing a mask? I understand that. I understand that.
And look, you were. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I go, what are you going to do? She goes, I've had enough. I have enough.
You have enough. I had enough.
You have it up to here? I didn't say that. I'm going to confront.
He goes, I'm going to confront him. You're going to confront me? You're going to confront Andrew? She goes, yeah.
He better be wearing a mask while I confront. You know what? Do it now.
I didn't say that. Yeah, you did.
Yeah, you did. I didn't.
Why don't you confront me right now? Do the confront. Come on.
Comfront me right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't say that. Okay, so if you wasn't wearing a mask, right, you weren't going to say anything because you promised the lady.
No, I would wait for you to say it.

What?

You coward? Coward. Oh yeah, coward.

Coward. I would wait for

you to say it.

And that's why the Japanese took over their island.

I wait. I wait for

the US to help us.

You're weak. You couldn't even confront

me right now. It's unbelievable what

she says around the house. You know what I mean?

I'm going to get here. I'm going to say something.

What? Yeah, yeah. And it's like

I don I know. I know.
And you know what? To think that I brought you a gift today. Oh, my God.
To think I brought you a gift. Oh, another knife.
Look at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at the size of this thing nice one yeah you want to play with it is it real yeah it's real will i cut myself yeah oh my god it's sharp it's real yeah dude this is a knife knife yeah yeah let's see no i don't want to well this is a nice table yeah here you go rudy and you know what but you know what can i tell you something yeah you don't get to keep't say. No.
You know what? You know what, Bob? I'm not going to give that to her. She doesn't get that knife.
You know what, Rudy? She doesn't get anything from now on. Here.
Yeah. This one.
You get that one. What is that? It's another knife.
Okay. Get her that one.
You get a little baby knife. Baby knife.
You can have both. I love you.
Here. Here.
Take both. Take both, you freak.
Yeah. Psycho.
But she says all this stuff and it like, you know, I go, one day, why don't you just say something? I love you. And she's always like, I will one day, I confront him.
You're finally going to confront me. Rudy, did you get any AMC stock or GameStop stock? No.
Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Did you? No, but Calila did.
How much? How many? She didn't buy like five grand.

She bought five grand worth?

Worth, yeah.

No, I don't know what.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She put in $5,000, but there's.

About weeks ago.

But stocks are only worth a couple hundred now, right?

A piece.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is it at right now?

What's GameStop at right now?

Well, this morning was at $325.

Wow.

Yeah.

I think it's so cool what they're doing. I am, but it's- Bury them.
Yeah. All these hedge fund people have been making so much money and they don't do anything.
I'm on their side. Why? What? You're on the suit? I like richies.
I like the rich. But don't you like rich people that get rich from doing something cool or talented? These people didn't do anything cool.
I know. I just feel like they know these loopholes and little things that they do, right, to make themselves money.
But that's not cool. It's not cool.
No. And what's fucked up about it is, and then, you know, the common man, like us, right, we find out about it, right? Yeah.
And then they try to fuck us. They are fucking us.
I know. They're stopping every—you know George bought a lot.
What did he buy? You bought GameStop and AMC? I'm getting AMC this afternoon. I bought GameStop.
There. Oh.
Are you going to buy any? I'm thinking about it, but then I'm like, I lose. I feel like I'm behind.
You know what this looks like? This is like you and me go to the casino. If you and me went to the casino in Vegas, we'd lose a hundred grand.
Oh, and I've done it. That's what I'm saying.
I don't win at those things. I'm a loser.
Gambling doesn't work for us. No, I could get like Blackjack, right? I could get two fucking kings.
King, king. King, king, and still lose.
Ace, king. Yeah.
Yeah, he wins every time. Every time.
Every single time. Yeah.
Gambling is, for me, gambling is I'll do it for fun. Yeah.
But I don't think about I'm going to win money. They're full-time gambling.
Andres, no for you, right? Yeah, I always have inside information. Actually, do you guys want to know how much? Can you guess how much? On the ground works that people don't know about that Andrew and I can buy in on? This is going to be a new segment called Andres is on the ground.
Yeah. Andres on the ground.
Finance advice. Finance advice.
Already. Finance advice.
I'm not convinced. I'm not convinced.
I just saw a matador in my head pull up. Finance advice.
Andres, finance advice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you need advice? But instead of a matador, it's like a little bulldog. By the way, what an appropriate metaphor for the bull for Wall Street running past, a little meme of Andres, the bull of Wall Street, running through a red and him going, Andres, finance advice.
What is it? What is it, Andres? Bobby, would you buy a Chipotle stock or would you go with something like Moderna? Oh, he's saying what's more popular.

Oh, if we were gambling

right now.

Okay, I see what he's saying.

Moderna or Chipotle?

Moderna is medical?

Yeah, they're pharmaceutical.

Moderna is the one

who's coming out

with the vaccine.

Yeah, they're making the vaccine.

Oh, yeah.

I would go with Chipotle.

I think I'd also go with Chipotle

because I feel like Moderna

goes up and down all the time.

Chipotle is probably

on a steady rise.

Yeah, how much do you think

it's worth?

I would say Chipotle stock is worth $300 or $400, $360. And what about Moderna? Moderna's up in the thousands, I bet.
Probably like $1,200 to $1,500. Well, now- That laugh, though? He's so condescending.
He's so condescending and so gross. Could you imagine doing that to a client? What a piece of shit.
I come into his office and he's like, you're here for finance advice. Yeah, plus he has the internet in front of him.
Yeah, I know. And he's looking at the internet going.
And me and my husband, Bobby, we walk into your office and I say, you know, we've never done this before. And Bob's interested in getting in the market.
Right. That's why you guys are here.
Thank you for coming. You guys have no idea.
Well, thank you for having us, but we were just curious. We're looking to spend a little bit of money, and we think maybe in Chipotle.
Is that – how much is Chipotle? We're thinking Chipotle because we love the restaurant. We go there every Friday.
It's the best. After work.
Right after he gets off work. And what I get is I get a burrito.
Yeah, a burrito. Yeah, a little burrito.
And I get a burrito bowl because I'm watching my cows. Exactly.
And for me, I like the cows.

Friday night's my cow night.

That's when he lets loose.

Yeah.

So how much is Chipotle stock?

$1,200.

Oh.

Holy shit.

Whoa.

I think you guys can share a share.

A little bit of rich for our blood.

How much is Moderna?

Moderna.

$173.

Whoa.

Maybe we should buy Moderna. Yeah.
Yeah, but for chipotle yeah you know my girlfriend in high school but her wait her this is crazy my girlfriend in high school when mcdonald's used to own chipotle her family someone in her family worked at chipotle and they had the unlimited card do you ever seen the platinum card or whatever george pull up the card it's like's like the unlimited burrito card. Back when McDonald's used to own them, they'd give you these cards, these lifetime burrito cards.
As many as you want for the rest of your life. A lifetime burrito card.
And we would go and friends could use it unlimited. There was no limit count.
That's it, yeah. A lifetime of burritos.
Yeah, I don't eat there. Did you hear the Spain? Did you hear the Spain? He goes, wow.
I know, I know. Do you eat there? No, no, no, no.
I don't eat there. In high school, I ate it all the time.
Yeah. Because you eat there.
Don't you eat Chipotle? I tried it twice. You don't like it? I like it.
What's your favorite Mexican food? Restaurant. Restaurant? Terry's.
Terry's, yeah. You go to Terry's? I mean, I like it.
Yeah, it's good. I love it.
I go to this place called El Michoacan. Oh, I love El Michoacan.
El Michoacan. I love El Michoacan.
So good. And she goes like this.
She goes, whenever she sees me, she goes, hey. I go, hi.
And she goes, do you want the same thing? Oh, I love when they do that. I know.
I love it because when we go to Terry's, they all love me. Ba-ba-ba! They yell from the back.
Hey, ba-ba! Yeah, yeah, it's the best. And they always give me extra guacamole.
Oh, dude, I get extra everything. Because they use a little ice cream scooper.
Yeah. Right? I get two scoops.
It's the best, yeah. Isn't that so nice? They don't give her extra.
They don't, nothing. Because you don't deserve it.
Yeah, yeah. No, and you laugh, but you don't deserve it.
You laugh and you don't deserve it. But you know what also I love is any Mexican place that has the carrot thing, the pickled carrot.
Oh, my God. I love.
Those are the best. The best.
Everyone should have that. Why don't more restaurants do that? Well, because I think they take time to pick.
They do. They.
That's. That's homemade Mexican.
Yeah. That's real Mexican food.
If you don't have a salsa bar, I'm not going in. Not going.
Yeah. I'm not going.
I love like the different kinds. You got to have the green one.
Green salsa. You got to have the green one.
And then you have the chunco chunc. Chunco.
The chunco salsa. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because they get you. Because they get you.
And then you got to have the brown, which is usually a Chipotle-ish. Yeah.
Or a... The bright red.
The bright red is what I like. Is what I like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.
It's like something out of Satan's asshole. You know what I mean? Yeah.
And it gets you moving, papa. It really does.
Yeah. I like a bar.
Yeah. I need a salsa and condiments bar.
I don't like salad bars, though. Well, they're disgusting.
Yeah. It's like, you know, do people not know how to use sunflower seeds? It's like somebody takes the sunflower and just goes, fuck it.
Right? You just scoop it. I'm going to put it on my salad.
No, I'm going to put it everywhere. Fuck it.
Right? And then it's like, listen, all right? Name it one thing. Russian dressing, Thousand Island.
Pick. Pick one.
Pick. Because I don't want to fucking get confused here, baby.
Yeah. Yeah.
Pick one. Yeah.
And by the way, didn't we fuck off the Russians years ago? Yeah. Okay? Fuck it.
Fuck Russians. Yeah.
Fuck the Russians, man. We're calling it Thousand Island from now on.
Because Thousand Island sounds cool. It's a Thousand Island.
But they are different. They're very different.
Yeah, they're very different. They have different ingredients.
What's the difference? What's the difference? Russian dressing. Thousand Island, I think, has...
Is it relish? This is like something green in in it what is the difference? don't say that you know it tastes different I don't know what it is there is a difference in terms of ingredients there's one thing that element that's different I think it's relish I think it's like a mayo the difference between Russian dressing and Thousand Island dressing the main difference the two is the use of pickles That's what it is, right? That's what I'm saying. I think it's relish.
Yeah. I think it's like a mayo or something.
The difference between Russian dressing and Thousand Island dressing, the main difference the two is the use of pickles. That's what it is.
Right. That's what I said.
That's what I said. Relish, pickles.
Same thing. Giving it more sweetness and texture.
That's right. I was right.
I was correct. What is it? The Thousand Island has the pickles? Thousand Island.
The main difference is that Thousand Island dressing has pickles. Little baby pickle chunks.

Oh, that's right.

They do have little pickles. And you know what?

I'm fine with that.

Fuck Russian dressing.

Get out of here.

I want little pickle chunks.

Yeah.

Did you guys have a buffet bar when you were a kid?

What do you mean?

We used to have a place called Hometown Buffet.

I don't even know if they exist anymore.

Yeah, we had money.

We didn't go there.

No, really.

We did.

My dad would like flick it off when we would draw by. Fuck are you! Really? You guys were that? You were fancy like that? I mean, when I was in high school, we had money.
Really? So you never went to something like that? We'd go to Morton's. Is that like hometown buffet? Damn, you're a rich little bitch.
We would go to like Lari's or something, you know I didn't ever Really? What do you mean? You guys never went to a shitty family restaurant Korean ones maybe Right Those are cheap and shitty What? I'm saying mom and pop ones Those are cheap restaurants Those aren't fancy It was just like hole in the wall That's what I'm saying It wasn't pricey It's not a fucking Chain buffet Like hometown You liked it? We didn't go as like a family But I would go with Friends in high school The worst was You know when I used to So when I was A younger comic When I had to play Vegas Yeah You'd have to play Something like Harrah's Don't even The basement You're talking about the basement? Yeah right So it's like Oh my god first of all you have to do if anyone doesn't know you have to do eight nights of a week yeah so you do you stay there from monday to the following sunday night yes it's disgusting you have to do two or three shows a night yep right and it's like you get at least for me at the time it was like for two shows i would get maybe a hundred dollars or fifty dollars yeah i think it's the same now yeah probably the same now right so at the time, it was like for two shows, I would get maybe $100 or $50.

Yeah, I think it's the same now.

Yeah, probably the same now, right?

So at the end of the week, you're making like $800 or $1,000.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe, right?

But also you're like – they give you the hotel, but you're also everything – you have to pay for everything.

Yeah, yeah.

So when you say they give you $800, $900, you're losing $500.

Yeah, because there's nothing to do, so you're gambling the money away.

Right.

You're sitting around.

You're eating.

You're gambling.

You're drinking.

But their incentive is that they go, well, the great news is we're going to give you a little employee ID card.

Saddest thing on planet Earth.

What is it?

Well, all the employees at the casino, we eat.

There's a lounge. Call it what it is.
What is it? A dungeon. It's a dungeon.
at the casino, we eat. There's a lounge.

Call it what it is.

A dungeon.

It's a dungeon.

It's a fucking dungeon.

And so you can smoke there.

Yep.

So it's a buffet.

It's the food that they didn't want to eat at the fucking buffet.

It really is.

There's a dumb waiter.

They put down food and you open up a thing and food comes out of shit nobody wanted upstairs. We must eat what will it be? Whatever the ones above don't want.
So the buffet in the hotel, right? Upstairs, right? Midwestern people are like, that looks rotten. I don't want to eat that.
Right? For the comedians, right? Now you have employees going through the with cigarettes and just drunk right and then you're just you have this little thing ID card right and you're going through and you as a poor comic you have to eat it you don't have a upstairs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you're just sitting there eating like this fucking you know, brown cucumber. Right? You think, vegetables seems, you know what I mean? Like, not gonna fuck up my stomach.
It has nutrients in it. It's not like chicken.
It's like a brown, you know what I mean? It's a brown cucumber. It looks like a fucking potato chip.
You know what I mean? Right? It's crisp. It crumbles.
Yeah. You know what I mean? The cucumber.
The first time I used that card, I'll never forget. I went through the line, and then I get to the thing, and I go, I'd like to.
I'm one of the employees. I'm a comedian.
And the woman at the checkout was like, okay. Yeah.
Like, didn't even scan. Didn't even care.'s like this is not a privilege this is sad take your food get the fuck out of here yeah it's really sad and then also then sometimes when you're doing the vegas show like that you're sharing the green room with another different show that's right yeah that's some lounge act not not a comedian like a singer We'll be there there's like a magician with like you know i mean trying to figure out you know how to you know you can see the bunny that's in the fucking hat you know i mean he's trying to figure out how to get it back in the hat yeah oh dude speaking of magician did you watch in and of itself no does anybody know about it andresres, George? Derek Delgado.

Shout out to Derek Delgado on Hulu.

In and of itself, Bobby.

I'm not even kidding.

It's the greatest thing I think I've ever seen in my entire life.

Before you get it, I want to watch it.

But let me just, before you get it,

I watched two episodes of that HBO thing you want me to watch.

Which, which, which?

The comedian comedy one.

Comedy?

Some guy that does a documentary style comedy. Oh, how to with John? Oh, how to? Terrible.
Wrong. I saw three episodes.
I was with Kalani. I go, let's watch this tonight because Andrew said it was good.
It's super subversive. I know.
It's very funny. And we're watching it.
We're watching it. Did you get the scaffolding in New York City? This is me watching it.

Yeah.

It's really funny.

Remember how you wanted to be... Remember how you wanted highbrow humor?

Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.

Have you guys seen How To?

Did you guys watch it?

Yeah.

How good is it, George?

I loved it.

Genuinely, he's so brilliant.

Anyway, this is a documentary about a play. This guy does off-Broadway in New York.
About 500 genuine he's so he's so brilliant anyway this is a this is a documentary about um a play this guy does off broadway in new york about 500 plays he's done brennan neil told me to watch it and i was like whatever i'll watch neil brennan neil brennan no uh hold on here yeah neil brennan yeah yeah um i fucking love neil no um anyway and i went into this kind of being like, oh, I'm not really in the mood for whatever, and it fucked me up, man. I cried.
I bawled. I fucking bawled.
I love crying. You're going to cry.
Please watch this tonight. You're going to cry.
I will watch it tonight. Is it on what? It's on Hulu.
I have Hulu. Everybody has Hulu.
It's called In and of Itself. And it's a true play that he wrote.
Yeah, and honestly, dude, it's about his life and holy fuck. It's a one-man show? Yes, it will shake your soul.
Like, it did things for me that I was like, wow. You have to sit in it for a little bit and let him get into the depths of the story.
But once you get into the story, you're like, oh, it will fucking shake your innards. Like, when was the last the last time you saw something that did that yeah i don't know a thing i watched that was like really got me yeah i watched tragedy porn yeah you well yeah i like re-watching like you know um 9-11 when as it happened you know that's the real you're just sitting there going Not real.
This is fake. No, but have you ever watched As It Happens? Like the plane hitting the towers? No, so you watch the news on YouTube.
You watch the news when they're discovering it for the first time. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Hey, Bob, welcome to – we got this just in.
You know, that kind of – and I watch it. I try to bring myself, you know what I mean? Back to that moment? Like I'm watching it for the first time.
Where were you when it happened? I was sleeping. I already told you.
Oh, that's right. You were.
I slept the whole day. And I didn't find out about it until the next day.
It's kind of nice to sleep right through that. Yeah.
And when I went to the Starbucks the next day, I woke – and I went to the Starbucks and people were like all depressed and stuff. I was like, what the fuck? What's going on? Taking a long time for coffee?

Yeah.

And then I found out.

But I also watched the Korean ferry boat tragedy.

No, you don't.

Yeah.

You really like that stuff?

Yeah.

And I know it's sad.

I talk about my therapist stopped doing it.

But what your therapist says, stop doing it.

Yeah.

But why not?

I guess if it helps you in some way.

It doesn't help me.

Oh, it hurts.

No, it feeds in some sort of like, that's the only way i can feel no right well it touches something in you yeah but for me to see you know i mean such devastating things you mean i played it out in real time for me to feel something with that is it's fucked up you know khalilah yesterday was just like can we talk i just talk? Yeah, and like she's expressing her feelings, right? And I just, I go into, when you're, when, oh, someone's trying to be real. What is it? Is that acid reflux? Yeah, right now, because I just add two pieces of pizza that Zoe Lister Jones dropped off at my house.
What kind of pizza? I don't know. It was, you know, white people pizza.

Ugh.

Like thin.

Yeah.

And I had to put it in.

Do you need medication for that?

You do that a lot, that acid reflux where you're like, who cares?

Because I don't want your heart to stop at some point.

If it stops, it stops, baby.

No, it can't stop.

Yeah, what's up, baby?

It can't stop.

It'll make me so sad.

I know.

But if it does, it does.

Why did Zoe Lister Jones just drop off pizza at your house, by the way?

Because her, the movie that I was, she did a movie with her husband. And it's on Sundance today.
Oh. Yeah, and so they dropped it off.
You know what? My movie that I was in just got an award. Or, I mean, we're nominated.
What is it? George, show them my movie. This is my movie.
There I am. Really? This is mine.
Yeah, there I am with I am with my dog oh congratulations I didn't know you were in a movie like this what do you mean this is huge it's Pixar bud oh wow I didn't know that it's my voice it's my dog did you produce it no you're lucky you didn't you know why why where the fuck is my dog I like, where the fuck is my job? I mean, where would you fit in that? It's called Out, and it's about me. Yeah.
Eric Griffin has a movie out, too. He does? Called Soul.
You're really good at it. He did kill it.
Yeah. He killed it.
You're really good at it. No, this show, it's out.
It's about me and my husband, Manuel. Oh, is it a gay one? It is.
And can I tell you something?

Who plays Manuel?

Andres.

Can't be good.

It can't be good.

You want to see a scene? You want to hear a scene?

Yeah.

Ready?

Yeah.

He kicks me out because he finds out that I have been with his brother.

I've been hanging out. We didn't do anything.
We were just hanging out.

He doesn't believe me. He thinks I was hooking up with his brother.
It's not true. So this is me when I come back home for the first time to talk to him about it.
That's our cat. How can you do this to me? I didn't do anything to you.
Manuel. My brother? Manuel.
My brother? Manuel, I didn't do anything to you. And first of all, your brother Taco and I were just hanging out.
Not Taco. I mean, he...
No. No, I'm sorry.
What? I don't think we can... I can...
Yeah, no. What? It broke my heart.
I didn't break anything. Trust me.
I didn't do anything with Taco. All I did was take him to get ice cream.
And after that we took a long walk in the park, and that's it. After all I did for you, supporting your shitty career all these years, you know? I remember sitting in the back of the comedy store hearing those stupid jokes again and again.
And for what? Manuel. Go deeper to Manuel.
Go deeper. Now that you are a movie star and Davey.
Yes. And making the big money.
Now you go with my fucking brother. Stick to the script, Manuel.
Manuel, I want to be honest with you for a second. I want to honest with you, Manuel What? I have been sleeping with your brother I know And you know why? Why? It's because you make me sick You're disgusting You're a stumpy little man Hey, Manuel.
And I walked away.

Anyway, that's part of the film.

Yeah.

Maybe he should have rewrites.

The funniest part about that was I said stick to the script.

There is no script.

But he was online for a while.

Wow.

You know what just happened there in that conversation, in that little improv scene with Andres?

It was like we were driving on a freeway and we're cruising.

Yeah.

And you know, it's like, hey, the 110's right there. You've got to go all the way to the right.
And he's like, I got it. And you're like, alright, you gotta get all the way to the right.
And then finally he gets there and he's like... Because here's when you were going into Andrew's comedy and all that stuff.
It was perfect. And I said, go deeper, you went the opposite way.
You should use that opportunity to really hurt him. He's never heard someone say go deeper.

He's never heard that before.

Oh, I see.

That's a thing.

No, but anyway, that's my movie

and congrats to Eric Griffin on Soul

because I think that's killing it.

Well, there's no box office now, I guess.

What?

There's no box office.

Yeah, there isn't, no.

How do you know how?

Congratulations me on Mulan.

Congrats on Mulan.

Thank you.

Congrats on Mulan.

When does your episode of Magnum P.I. come out?

When can we be looking for it?

Why do you watch it?

It's like a shitty thing.

Why do you like that?

When can we watch your episode of Magnum P.I.?

I don't know when it comes out.

I don't know.

Did you never watch when you did the first one?

I've done six or seven of them.

You have?

Yeah.

I thought you only did two.

No.

Oh, wow.

I've done a bunch.

And you've never seen one episode?

And in the end of February, I'm going back.

Good. For another week and a half.

God, for another episode? Yeah. You don't think

I could get one? You want me to ask?

I mean, it'd be so fun. I'd be

great. You'd be perfect.
I'd absolutely love to

do it. You know,

I'll tell one

of the producers I know. It'd be fun to go out there and just mess around with but i want but honestly i'm not going to do it if it's not with you but we what if we were in the same episode but not in the same scenes that doesn't seem fun to me yeah well they're at the same time i know but i would rather be in it with you so if they can make it one scene we have one scene one scene that's fine i would do one scene i would make sure it's one scene you would love it because the it's it's almost as if on a show.
You're just having fun the whole time? No, they're just a bunch of dudes that kind of look like me. Like a guy named Zeke with tattoos all over his face.
You know what I mean? Yeah. How you doing, buddy? You know what I mean? And then like, and just, you know, Asians, you know, camera operator, you know what I mean? They all look like me.
You know, somebody said, why don't you guys check in with Jules more? And I got to tell you, I had a whole thing today about talking to Jules. And you know why I didn't? Because she couldn't come front me.
She couldn't come front you. If you could come front me, I would be more conversational with you.
But I think that you have an issue with me, and I want you to get it off your chest right now. What's the problem? I don't have.
It's Tito Bobby who has an issue. What's his issue? He's lying.
He's not a liar. And that's disgusting to call my friend a liar.
Don't you ever call him a liar. You know, it's so funny that you think that you have allies in this house.
Right? You could do that shit in our house with Kalilah. Yeah.
Yeah, it doesn't work here. But you try to use that fucking little thing that you do here? No way, baby.
Let's hear it. Everyone in the room here, everyone in our house, in the Bad Friends house, that is a Rudy ally, say aye on the count of three.
One, two, three. Interesting.
What? George, what? What, George? George, what? Oh, he sneezed. Oh, you sneezed.
Alright, I'm gonna try it again. If there's any allies in this house, show yourself now.
Say I. One, two, three.
That's what I thought. You know that silence? You're on that mountain alone.
Jules, that silence, right, is, I call it the void. You're alone in empty space with no one around you.
And you're free falling. Okay.

Okay.

No, no, don't okay with your eyes.

All right, right now.

All right.

Here's another thing

I want to call her out on.

Please, please.

Maybe she has a video game addiction.

She does?

Maybe.

What's going on, Jules?

Yeah, what's going on?

Nothing.

Are you playing too much?

Kinda.

How many hours? I can't say. Why? Because I'd take a while.
Oh, is she going to get in trouble? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're not.
Jules is a lot like me in many ways. Yeah, but in the pandemic, we have our ways of feeling good.
The video game is an escape world for you, huh? What's the video game that you play? Valorant. Valorant? What is it? First person shooter? It's like Warzone, but more cartoony, I guess.
More animated. Are you upset with me right now? No.
I feel like, yeah, in your face, I feel like you're going, he's betrayed me again. No.
He's a betrayer. Did you have a conversation with Tito, Bobby, about the Valorant game and not talking to...
Yeah. Yeah.
Why do I do that? Well, it's out. It's fine.
It's fine. All right.
You know, that's another thing that I do that's a bad thing. What? Hold stuff above people? What I do...
Yeah, it's so evil. It's so bad.
I just realized that I do it. But I do it because...
Just now, after all the times that you've done it yeah yeah yeah after 49 years of doing it right i um and and i i realized the reason why i did it is i do go through a thing i was like should i do it or not right then i weigh the consequences of it in my head right and then i go you know i think the entertainment quality you know the value of the and reward. Right.
So I weigh it. Right.
If you were really going to get in trouble about something, right, I would never say anything. Right.
I think I know a couple of things, you know what I mean? That would never say it out loud. Right.
So like, like what? Like, like the boy thing, the boy stuff. No, I don't know.
You keep that private. I don't know.
Are you okay? Something stuck in my throat. Do you want some water? No, it's fine.
No, it's fine. Put your hand out.
I'll give you a little water. It's fine.
Put your hand out. Just put your hand out.
I'll give you a little water. There you go.
Drink up, kid. Whoa, dude.
That's crazy. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Thank you, George. Ally.
Ally. Ally.
For sure, Ally. I can smell that from here.
Hey, um. Yeah.
Can you open it to Andrew? Oh, my God. Useless.
Yeah. There's a couple of things I want to, um.
A movie that I saw the other night that people like but I hate it. What? It was called The Vast of Night.
Vast of Night? Let me see what it looks like, George. The Vast of Night.
What's the deal with it? Why did you hate it? I just... The Vast of Night.
I keep holding over my legs like a cow. Amazon.
A Jeff Bezos original.

So it takes place in the 50s?

Yeah.

What would you like to tell us about yourself?

I don't know.

Aren't you like some big science girl?

Tell me about science.

Pause it.

We don't have to see the rest.

No.

I cannot stand it.

Why do we pretend that that was a voice that people did?

What?

That's what they used to talk like back in there.

Nobody talked like that.

Yeah.

Stick him up, buddy.

No. Yeah.
I've heard my grandfather talk. He doesn't sound like back in there nobody talked like that stick him up buddy I've heard my grandfather talk he doesn't sound like that he never sounded like that oh hey see kid Matt nobody talked like that was a TV thing these are people that used to live in cities not the hills of eyes wherever you come from I come from the city of Chicago my grandfather was born and raised in the city of Chicago what's wrong with this? Okay, so it's number one.
Because it looks kind of good. Beautifully shot.
Yeah, it looks beautiful. The director is a genius.
And this is the first thing I think. I think he's going to work forever.
Sure, sure. The acting is great.
Okay. It's – let me just – I'm going to just give a spoiler alert.
You literally are like, this is good, this is good.

You're like, it's the title.

That's like the only thing.

No, no, no, no.

That's not what it is.

What's the, okay, spoiler alert.

Well, should we spoil it? It just came out.

I don't care.

I don't care.

I have to do it.

I don't care.

I'm going to do it, all right?

And if you don't, if you want to watch the movie, then click it off now.

No, don't turn off the episode just because they, no. Oh, well, keep listening, but I'm going to do it anyway.
Just don't watch the movie. What is it? All right.
So can I just do my rundown, okay? Yeah, yeah. So it's beautifully shot, right? Yeah.
You can tell that he didn't have a lot of budget, and I think with the amount of money that he had available, he milked it, right? The acting is incredible. Okay.
And I'm just going to tell you just the short synopsis of what it is, right? How about do that without giving anything away? Just give me the synopsis. I have to give it away.
The reason why is because the ending is the one thing that bothers you. Yeah.
Right. Okay.
May I? Yes. All right.
Acting amazing, okay? So basically it's like they hear like – he's a radio DJ. Yeah, I could tell.
And she's a phone operator person. Right.
So I guess back in the day, you know what I mean? If you had to call somebody, you had to plug it in. Operator.
Yeah. And you go, I'll hook you up.
Right? And do that. Right? So she's hearing like a little like noises, alien noises.
Oh, cool. Right, right? And he tells her, she goes, have you heard this before?

To the DJ and DJ guys. And then he

puts it out on the stage.

Hey, y'all listening right now. You ever hear this?

Right? People start calling. We've heard it before.

Whatever, whatever. Right? So at the end of the day, they go

through this whole thing. And at the end of the movie, right?

They go in the forest.

Right? These two?

And they see a flying saucer Cool That's it What? That's it no aliens Bro bro bro bro I've seen every X-Files episode Yeah X-Files is a great show If you're gonna do a fucking movie Anything pertaining to aliens It's gotta be better than X-Files episode X-Files is awesome I love X-Files Yeah a great show. If you're going to do a fucking movie, anything pertaining to aliens, it's got to be better than an X-Files episode.
X-Files is awesome. I love X-Files.
Yeah, so what do you mean? Oh, you mean just ask me. I'm just saying if you're going to do a fucking feature, you write something, you know what I mean? Right.
Can I see the alien? Is there a love story? Is that probably the A story? It's not even a love story. They get fucking zapped into the fucking A and they fly away.
Do they make love at some point? They probably fuck up there but she's 16.

Oh, gross.

What?

No, this is high school kids?

Why, you ask me.

I don't know.

I'm just assuming.

But is it a kid love story?

Are they like falling in love?

No.

He's like an adult.

She's a kid.

Oh, so this is a weird... I don't like this at all.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like a grown man

who's like,

hey, phone plug girl.

But like Chris Stuckman,

who's one of my favorite

YouTube reviewers,

I've asked him on Instagram to do Tiger Bell. He never responded.
He doesn't want to do it. Why do they do that? Honestly, because I think some people don't care.
Some people are like, I don't want to do podcasts. Yeah, but the thing is I've asked people and it's like – Who's the biggest person you've asked and they kind of blew you off? Oh, there's a lot.
Steven Yeun. But what's one that you like – you really – it hurt your feelings that they blew you off? Steven Yeun.
Steven Yeun. Let's call him out right now.
Steven Yeun hurt me. Ken Jeong hurt me.
Yeah, but we've known that. Ali Wong hurt me.
Yeah, right. I asked those three.
What's the trend we're seeing? They're Asians. What's the trend? They're Asians.
They're Asian. Asians.
Yeah. Not as loyal as we once thought.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why did Atlee Wong let you know? Atlee doesn't do podcasts.
She doesn't do podcasts. But she doesn't do anybody's podcast.
It'd be weird if she did somebody, if she did like- Oh, if she did other people's podcasts and didn't do mine, I would- What? She's never- No. I would do- It would be war.
I know she hasn't. Conan O'Brien.
I would start a war. Oh, she did one with Conan.
I get that though. Yeah, yeah, he's a gigantic talk show.
Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah.
But if she did. Oh, 36 Allie Wong podcast interviews.
Wow. No, really? It says it right there.
36? 36 of Allie Wong podcasts. You're Not Your Mom's Book Club.
Dear Girls. Oh, Dear Girls is at her show.
Does she have a podcast now? All Wong with Ali... What? With Kari Asad? What is this, George? Anyway.
Anyway. She doesn't do...
Who else has it? She doesn't do Friends podcasts. No.
No. Like, if she had done yours and didn't do mine, I would have a problem.

Well, her and I aren't close like that.

That wouldn't even exist.

I mean, like, Ally and I are cool, but you guys, you know her more than I do.

I knew her when she wasn't even a comedian.

So all she's done is three.

Truly, that's the real number.

That's fine.

Yeah, that's fine.

Conan, wait, wait, don't tell me, and idiot something.

George, pause on something so I can read it. Idiot with Chris Hardwick.
Okay, she did Hardwick. Waitan wait wait don't tell me and idiot something george pause on something so i can read it idiot with chris hardwick okay she did hardwick wait wait don't tell me which is massive and conan yeah that makes sense right do you know hardwick i love him i don't know him well but i like him nice guy he's doing the ball drop show again really you know the balls that drop from the thing and the money good yeah i saw it come back i like him.
Because I remember like. He's always been nice to me.
Yeah, at a gas station once. And I was like three pumps away.
And he, hey, man. And he came up to the, you know.
Would you have come up to him? I saw him before, yeah. I saw him before he saw me.
You didn't say anything? Why do you get nervous like that? I always avoid. I always see people and I avoid it.
There you go. I don't like small talk.
I don't like. There was also a time where it was like.
Especially when you run into people in the industry. And you really have nothing going on.
I just didn't want to. What are you about to do? I just played the Chucklefuck factory in Idaho.
I do understand. It's both people going.
on? You're like, what's been going on? Yeah, because people rattle off like shit they're doing. Oh, I just sold a show to HBO.
You're like, that's what they open with and you're like, oh. See, nothing bothers me more.
And there's a few people that we both know that do this. When you go, hey, man, what's up? And they're like, oh, man.
And they just vomit out their new resume. Right.
And you're like, I just said fucking hi. Or they do this.
This is the worst what they do. Huh.
Where there's a couple of guys where I go, what's up? And they'll go, man, you're killing it. You know, don't you ever have a break? Right.
And they start rattling things that you're doing. It's like, dude, we're not.
Yeah. This is real life here, baby.
See, when people do that to me, like, do it to me. Like, do that right now.
Like, watch. You're that guy.
Now, this is how I react when I go, hey, dude, what's going on? Hey, Andrew. Oh, my God.
Davey, dude. Killing it.
And Whiskey Ginger Man and Bad Friends. It made me so angry.
Can you imagine if I was you? Yeah. Let me try it.
Yeah, yeah. Your way, though, all right? Yeah, I get it.
Go ahead. You say hi to me in this fucking scenario.
You start the thing. I don't want to start it, though.
No, you say hi, and then I... Because that was the whole point.
All right. Where are we at, though? We are...
Oh, I'm at a gas... We're pumping at a gas station.
All right. I'm going to play it real.
Okay, play real. This is the way I would do it.
All right. Where are we at, though? We are.
Oh, we I'm at a gas. We're pumping at a gas station.
All right. But this is I'm going to play a real.
OK, play real. This is the way I would do it.
All right. We'll play.
OK, play for real. All right.
I'll just play a real. All right? I don't think that you would look at me like that.
Yes, I would.

You would be like...

Well, it's not me.

I'm playing a guy.

I know, but you're playing another guy, but I don't think any guy would look at me like that.

I know how I'm playing the guy.

Don't look at me like that.

Don't test my acting skills.

I know what the guy is.

All right.

All right, here we go.

Hold on, hold on.

I need a second.

I need a second.

All right?

So I have the thing in, right?

Me too.

I'm already here.

I've been already here.

I'm already here.

You just started. All right.
Okay, right? Me too. I'm already here.
I've been already here. I'm already here.
You just started.

All right.

Okay, ready?

I'm pumping.

Oh, shit.

Bob.

Bobby.

I start.

Oh.

I know.

I fucking start.

You fucked it up already.

Sorry.

I start, okay?

Fuck. Fuck.
it up already. Sorry.
I start, okay? Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

Good.

Hey.

Oh, Bob.

What's up?

Hey, man.

Hey.

Clark.

Hey.

Clarky.

Good to see you.

What's up?

Hey, dude.

Whoa.

Are you killing it right now?

Yeah.

Bad friend. Yeah.
Magnum P.I. Yeah! Is that what you did? Yeah, you copied me.
I was just going to do what you did. Yeah, no.
Why did you copy me? You said you were going to play it for real. Play it for real.
Oh, what I would do? Yes. Oh, I didn't know.
I thought you said to do it the way you did it. No, you're supposed to do it your way.
All right. Well, then, if we did it my way, we would never talk.
Yeah, yeah, right. All right, let's do it.
Okay, right. This is the way I would do it.
Yeah. Hey, man, Clarkie.
Oh, Bob. What's up, man? I'll tell you what's up, man.
You are killing killing it Bad Friends, Magnum P.I. I mean, you got Zolister Jones You're doing so much stuff right now You're absolutely exploding right now Man, you gotta be doing well That's incredible though Bad Friends and Tiger Belly is like murdering It's like Zoe died What? Zoe died Zolister Jones died? Yeah, yeah.
We both did. You're right here.

We both.

That's why you don't make small talk.

I don't do it.

Because it doesn't work.

I don't know.

You're not a small talk guy.

I can't do it.

I always say hi.

Yeah.

Even if it's somebody that I know is going to trap me in a conversation I don't want to be in.

Yeah.

Because it's like you have to do it.

You have to go.

You don't have to.

That's why avoid it.

You do.

Because they see you and that's bad.

No, I always avoid.

But they see you.

What?

I'm sure they see you.

Yeah.

I did this one.

I was with my cousin Jenny once and she didn't know.

So I walked in to pay for gas, right?

And I ran into my buddy, right?

His name was Ben.

They go, my cousin's in the car.

She doesn't know that we know each other. So I'm going to go back over there and pick a fight with me.
Right? Yeah. And I go, I'm going to punch you so hard in the stomach.
Right? He's a big guy, too. He's like, all right.
Yeah. So I do the gasp.
He comes, what's up, fucking chink? Like, he goes strong. He goes, like, really too strong, right? To the point where like, what? But it worked because I got, what? What'd you say? Yeah.
You fucking chink. Right? I go, what the fuck? Say it to my face.
He goes, ooh, comes up to me. And I went, like that.
He fell to the ground. He started doing convulsions.
I got in the car, and my fucking cousin was like, wow. Thought you were so tough.
Yeah, you're a real man, huh? You're're tough tough guy it's the best you never told her never told her Jenny until now Jenny pay attention until now it was fake oh I wanna say something remember that song we played for you yeah that lo-fi stuff I love that song there's a comic named Whitmer Thomas do you know Whit the fucking man Whit had put up a song today And I thought this was I know that guy Yeah, Whitmer, yeah Whitmer Thomas Play it from the beginning This is a song that he originally composed here This kind of sums up What the pandemic has been for everybody It's short and quick And I fucking love it Make a cup of coffee Water the. Text my dad and pay my rent.

Try to write something even if it's shit.

Watch a fucking movie you ain't seen yet.

Check in with friends, DM a meme.

Clean the kitchen counter even though it's clean.

Sit in the sun and try to sweat.

Go through all the photos and shave my head. Our life's become a bottomless hole.
Squeeze love him. Pretty good.
I think he's so great. Yeah.
That's the kind of stuff that sums up the pandemic to me. Alone in your house on a green screen.
Yeah. Guitar or keyboard.
It's, you know. Life's become a bottomless hole.
It's funny. We've been so conditioned to live like this for the last, it's been almost now a year.
It has been. No, it has been.
It's coming up on a year, right? Imagine a year. I haven't done stand-up in a year it has been no it has coming up on a year right imagine a year i haven't done stand-up in a year think how good you'll be when you get back bad yeah be bad yeah but won't it be fun to be bad oh i can't wait because i'm just i'm gonna start new but um you are yeah i'm gonna start new are you gonna put anything down i any old jokes.
I don't know what the old jokes are. But I'm saying you should put down the old jokes on a tape or something.
Like put them out. No.
Why? I'm starting anew. My stuff is garbage.
No, it's not. Let me make a suggestion.
I'll tell you why. Look at me.
When people say that, it's so funny because I did some of my old jokes when I did the Montreal Comedy Festival. Yeah.
And it's online. Some of them.
No, it was a stand-up show that I did. Yeah, but not an hour.
I know, but it was still six minutes. It got three views.
Okay. No one gives a shit.
Can I suggest something and you can say no? What? Take away the – okay. What if you record all your old jokes that you're going to throw away? Yeah.
Okay? Yeah. Record them all.
Yeah. And print them on records.
Uh-huh. And print 25 of them.
Uh-huh. Like a small amount, right? And sell them for charity.
Okay. That's a good thing.
Is that a good idea? Can we talk back to the pandemic, though? It makes you nervous. Yeah, it does.
Don't be nervous. Yeah, you make me nervous.

Don't do that.

Don't transition

into something that's not true

because you're uncomfortable

with what's going on

with your head.

You do make me nervous.

About what?

Why?

See, that's why.

What do you mean?

No, because I feel like

you're going to bring up stuff

that's going to like,

because you know my...

I'm not going to bring up insecurities.

I know, but I'm just saying,

you know...

I'm being very supportive.

I'm just saying that you know,

I know your spots.

I know, but I'm not touching the spots. I know, but you know where my spots are within my body is, right? I'm an emotional massage therapist.
Yeah, but sometimes you'll say things and it's like around the spot, right? You're not really in the spot. I'm not hitting it.
I know, but you're around it, right? But the spot gets, it pulsates. Okay, okay, you know what? We can move on to the next thing, but I was just I want to talk about the pandemic you fuck I'm sorry thank you you're right you've been a great guy thank you and I apologize I love you I don't want to get I don't want to get into this but I don't want to talk you know why I don't want to talk about the pandy because I'm sick of it you don't want to bring this guy fucking back on what do you mean Whitmer's the shit I thought the song was great I want to talk about what he's saying.
Tell me what he's saying. No, I'm just saying in general.

Yeah.

Tell me.

It's just that we don't – it's just odd that in the last year it just went by and it's like that our society and everything, I don't know how to do anything anymore.

In terms of what?

Just in terms of like I don't know what it's like to meet people or have conversations with people. I don't to people but you didn't do that quite much when it wasn't i guess i didn't you didn't you weren't really a super social butterfly when it was yeah but i still knew how to i'll be honest with you like when jeff scott died yeah we talked about it right yeah it sad.
I know. Yeah.
So it's like little things like that.

It's like Jeff Scott died. And it's like I wish, you know, that number one, I believe that without the pandemic that he could still be alive.
Yeah. I mean, the only thing I heard, and I'll say this, is that Jeff, people know, was the beloved piano player for the comedy store for 25 years.
the only thing that might have contributed to his death and i'm not spreading rumors but i'm just

saying maybe, was I had heard that Jeff was friends with a fair amount of people from the Hoover Crip gang. He rolled deep with a gang from the Hoover Crips in South Central Los Angeles.
No. No.
I almost

I know

I know

I was thinking

you know what I mean

but I sold it well

yeah but

Jeff was also

the whitest guy

you've ever met

yeah the gay pianist

from the comedy store

was not rolling

with Hoover Crips

yeah

but can you imagine

that would be amazing

in a drive by

he's playing the piano

in the car

yeah

yeah yeah

what's up fool

he's like

yeah

yeah he was a great

but my point is

so let's go back to me

and I miss him very fucking much

Thank you. piano in the car yeah yeah yeah what's up fool it's like yeah yeah he was a great but my point is so let's go back to the um and it's just um you think he would have survived had the pandemic not happened yeah there's other people like i um you know i think that a lot of young comics got fucked too oh my god so many people how about just people got fucked? Yeah, I had a kid call me.
You know, Dylan, the fat gay guy, Dylan? Yeah. You didn't have to tag those.
You could have just said Dylan, the kid who used to work at a comic store. He moved.
He's in Austin. Right, so he called me.
He's like, I don't know what to do. Or Austin? Or where'd he move to? He went to Texas.
Yeah. Because I don't know what to do because I might make any money here.
My dream is here. Yeah.
He went withony hinchley don't hey lebecky yeah yeah those guys moved down there for the rogan train i know what do you think of that so many people i know i don't even know tim dylan's moving down there i know you want to go to austin yeah look i don't i don't got our houses yeah we just got our houses i mean at the end I mean at the end of the day, it's like – We just got our houses. Yeah, it's like I'm paying mortgage on my house.
Here's my other thing. If this sounds crazy and I'm going to say this and I mean this, everyone is like, you don't need to stay in L.A.
You don't need to be in L.A. Okay, fine.
I get it. I don't need to be in L.A.
to do what we do. Kind of.
You do. You do.
Because those guys – They say that, but they don't. Also, those guys, right? Guys like Tony and those guys, they don't have like dreams.
You and I – I don't have dreams. They don't have dreams.
They don't have dreams. No, no.
They don't work in Hollywood holidays. But they don't want to like get on a movie or TV or act.
Right. They're not actors.
And that's why – not that I'm an actor, but I like doing it. You are an actor.
It's a part of what I do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? So it's like, I like the challenge of it.
Right. Those guys aren't in the, that's what I'm saying, they're not in the acting side of Hollywood.
And they want to be, some of them. I think a lot of them don't.
Yeah, but some of them do. I don't know, Tony, I don't think he goes out for stuff like that or.
But he's had said stuff that would be like, I can't get anything. Oh, I didn't know he goes out.
I just didn't know how much he goes out. But I mean, like Segura, he acts only if they ask him.
Yeah, yeah. Right? So they're moving down there.
Yeah. Tim Dillon, I mean, Tim does whatever the fuck he wants, which is why he's genuinely killing it harder than anybody else in the comedy game.
I mean, no one is funnier and puts out more consistent shit than Tim Dillon. I mean, who else has moved out? I mean, you know, I'm sure Whitney will probably go down there.
Yeah, dude, at some point I think all those people will go down there. Me and you are going to be the only people in LA.
But then what happens when the clubs open back up? Then we own LA. Right? You and me, Chang.
We're running this town. How great would that be? You and me in LA? Yeah.
I did cross over the hill today to go to get tested again. I'm getting tested seven days a week.
I know. It's insane.
Great. Every day.
I crossed the hill to go get tested because I went over to the studio that our production office is. Today is one of the first days that restaurants are allowed to be open again.
Do you know that? We're in purple mode or whatever. No restaurants have patios open now because it's raining here in LA.

Denny's. A line

down the block.

People were begging to eat

outside at Denny's. That's how much

people wanted to be outside.

They were just like, please,

do I hear something?

She's

watching something on her phone.

She was. I'm watching something on her phone.
She was.

I'm not.

I'm not.

When you raise your voice...

Yeah, she does get snappy.

That's Sir Andrew Santino.

Surrender your phone to Tito right now.

Surrender your phone.

The rest of the episode is going to be about you.

Surrender your phone right now.

Do it!

I want you to talk to her now.

I want to tell her about her behavior.

I want to see if I can...

Damn it.

Passcode?

Yeah.

Wait, is that the Grateful Dead case?

Yeah.

Are you a Grateful Dead fan?

No.

No.

Can you name any members of the Grateful Dead?

No.

Not one?

Not even the main guy that died.

No, I just... Four fingers on one hand.
No. I just like the...
We're going to give you a hint. Yeah.
Because you're actually very good at guessing names. Yeah, yeah.
Remember when she guessed the vice president and the president-elect? Yeah. Let's see who the man who was in the Grateful Dead.
He passed away. He was a leader, a lead singer.
His name was what?

It starts with a J.

George.

George?

George, yes.

What's his last name?

That's pretty good.

The last name is Hispanic?

I would say, what region, what Hispanic region, Andres?

Why are you laughing?

A very common Spanish last name.

What is it, Andres?

A very common Spanish last name everywhere.

Yeah, it's very common.

Yeah, correct, but make it comedy next time.

Yes.

Jesus Christ.

Thank you. you're laughing.
A very common Spanish last name. What is it, Andres? A very common Spanish last name everywhere in the city.
Yeah, it's very common.

Yeah, correct,

but make it comedy next time.

Yes.

Jesus Christ.

I was setting him up.

I gave him like a...

That was funny.

I gave the guy an alley-oop.

I was like,

what Latin region

could this be from?

A five-minute fucking break

and then he goes,

a very Spanish Latin... Oh my God, dude.
Lie next time. Yeah.
Chile. He's, it's a Chilean last name.
George. What? George.
Trinidad. Trinidad.
How do you know that? It's not correct. Yes, it isinidad was the lead singer Grateful Dead That's impressive Bring up a picture of George Trinidad please How did you know that? Did they text you? Images, where is George Trinidad? There he is He died, He was the lead singer of The Grateful Dead.
Four fingers on one hand.

Yeah.

And now show the picture beneath that picture of the two guys right beneath it, right beneath him.

No, no, no.

Yeah, that one right there.

Yeah, there it is.

That's the other members.

That's the other members of The Grateful Dead.

Can you name – well, look, it says that.

Peter and George.

Okay, it says Peter and George, who you know, George Trinidad and Peter Blythe.

Who's the third member?

Do you know?

Starts with a C.

C.

Carlos.

Carlos.

Carlos, yeah.

What's his last name?

It's very easy.

Easy.

The last name starts with an X.

Carlos.

X.

Carlos.

Sen. Carlos Sen.
Carlos. Zen.

Carlos Zen.

Carlos Zen.

Carlos Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen.

Zen. Thank you.
The third member. Click on it, George.
That's the third member of The Grateful Dead. Carlos Antilius.
Yep, there he is. And what instrument did Carlos play? He played the triangle and the bongos.
And let me say something about him, right? Triangle and the bongos, right? There he is. There's Carlos Antilius.
Carlos Antilius, triangle and the bongos. But he invented, right? He invented the plastic triangle.
Did he really? Yeah, because usually triangles would play with metal, right?

Always, right.

Metallic, right?

But his was made out of plastic.

It was much bigger

and it was yellow,

purple,

and a fluorescent green.

Green.

Right?

And he used to,

the stick was colorful.

I don't know what it was.

Yeah, it was almost like a,

you remember like a

barbershop wrap?

Right.

You know, it had like

a wrap to it.

Yeah.

Right?

And he would,

when the Grateful Dead

would play, right?

It would like be rhythmic. Right? Right, right? And they would go, right? And then he would drop it.
The bongos. They were so good.
They were very good. They would do that for 45, they would jam in G major for 45 minutes.
Straight. Straight.
I mean, have you seen a triangle fucking solo?

It's,

it's raw.

A 20 minute triangle solo is,

yeah,

it fuck up,

fucks up the ears.

Fucks up the ears.

At some point,

people come running for dinner.

Right,

right,

right.

So are,

are you,

are you now going to know enough about Grateful Dead when somebody sees your phone case and goes,

hey,

do you know about the Grateful Dead?

Yeah.

Yes. And so the threeateful Dead? Yeah.
Yes.

And so the three members are?

George, Trinidad, Carlos, Santillias.

And?

And Peter Mulave.

Well, it's Blythe, but Mulave is correct.

Mulave is actually kind of a stage name for him.

Yeah.

And the genre of music was?

Is?

The genre of music?

Rock.

Rock and?

Blues.

Rock and blues, baby.

Rock and blues.

Yeah, blues or rock.

Either way, you can actually, they're interchangeable.

You can juggle either. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want to show you something because I learned something very recently. The sperm is the hot new wrinkle treatment.
Do you know that? No. Seriously, people are using sperm as new, this is real.
People are using sperm as facial treatment. Really? Did you put stuff on your face at night? Sperm.
Whose? Mine. Have you, really? Is this sperm? Yeah, sperm.
It's like a new thing. So you put it on your wrinkles.
Women will put... There's like certain kinds of sperm that people put on their face overnight.
It's not human sperm? Sure is. But what's a certain kind? Stuff that they can't...
You know if you go to a sperm bank? Yeah. They can't use all of your sperm.
You know that, right? Right. So if it's not good sperm, it gets in these things and if it's not good for birth it's good for this But can I just give Kalilah my own cum and she can put it on her Sure can And it will work? Sure will Really? Yeah? Rudy, what do you have? I think I'm gonna tell So this.
So this is so we can improve. Check how Rudy's doing with her improv skills.
Oh, right, yeah, because she is lacking tremendously. So she's going to read a story just from her cards.
Uh-huh. Now, and you guys have three minutes to ask her questions to determine if it's a real story or a fake story.
Okay. Very good.
Fun. Very good.
So you have to learn how to sell whatever you're selling. Okay.
Okay. I cheated on an exam and got an A.
The person I cheated from got a B+. Look at me in the face.
Huh. Huh.
What subject was it? What kind of test was it? Math. Math.
Is this just called just math now? Isn't there like an algebra or something? No? We call it math in the Philippines. There's no, like, specific.
There's only math one, two, three, four. What's the name of the person you cheated off of? Liz.
Liz. The girl Liz What's her last name? Tan Liz Tan Liston? Pretty good Liston? Yeah Liston Alright, so we have to guess now Is that real or is she lying? You guys have three minutes to ask questions So you can go deeper Yeah, but what Alright, we'll go deeper Oh, I see I thought there was two.
Liz Tan. How many people are in the class?

32.

Yeah, but that's not standard.

Liz Tan.

What about Liz Tan?

I want to know about Liz Tan.

Yeah, Liz Tan.

How tall is Liz Tan?

She's 5'4".

5'4".

How old is she?

18.

Is she ugly?

No, she's really pretty.

She is?

She is.

Are you jealous?

No, she's my friend. Who's her boyfriend? Before, at the time, it's really pretty.
She is? Are you jealous? No, she's my friend.

Who's her boyfriend?

Before, at the time, it was Vijay.

Vijay?

Vijay Singh.

The golfer?

The 65-year-old golfer?

No.

Vijay who?

Vijay Daniel.

What does her dad do for a living?

That was a lie.

What does her dad do for a living?

Her dad is a businessman.

What business?

He makes cardboards. Yeah, it's true.
Really? Because he makes cardboard. What do you mean, he just makes cardboard? Yeah, yeah.
Like boxes? Yeah, boxes. Wow.
What does the mom do? She's a doctor. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait. So the mom is a doctor, and that's not bringing enough cash.
So he decides, I'm going to make cardboard boxes. Three minutes is up.
Time's up. First of all, that's a lie.
You didn't cheat, isn't it? Is that true? I lied, but the mom and dad was true. That was real? Yeah.
The mom is a doctor, and the dad makes boxes. Yeah, and Liz is true.
Here's a better game. Let's create a better game, all right? Yeah.
All right. How about we assign you – you're a professor.

No?

See, that's how you're scared.

You're a professor, right?

And we're going to tell you what you're an expert on.

And we're going to ask you questions about things, and you have to answer the questions.

Make it up, right?

And be confident about what you're saying.

All right?

This is a good bit. This is a good bit.

This is a good bit.

Let's see how good Jules is at improv.

Yeah.

You are going to be a professor.

You're a history professor.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Right?

And the Industrial Revolution is your – yeah.

Really?

That's so hard.

I know.

She can make it up.

Let's see if she can.

Yeah.

Do you have enough – okay.

Okay.

Here we go. So we're two students after class.
Yeah. And we have questions about the homework.
Yeah. Maybe not the industrial revolution.
What do you want to do? She's just a – what about she's just a history teacher? Yeah, yeah. Hi, Miss Kuhn.
Thanks for having us. We just had some questions.
Yeah, just a couple of questions. Yeah, about today's lessons and whatnot.

Yeah.

You know, so the Declaration of Independence, who signed it?

The Declaration of Independence was signed by Abraham Lincoln.

Hmm.

And it was after – I don't know. It's a Bobby.
Wait. All right.
Who's Tito Bobby? Let's stop. When you're...
Okay. All right.
There is no wrong answer. Yeah.
Because you're making it up. Yeah.
Right? But you can't pause like that. You just...
Whatever you're saying... You believe it.
...is a fact. It's a fact.
Okay? Let's try it again. It's a's a fact.
Let's try it again.

Ask her a different question.

Ms. Kuhn?

Kuhn.

Sorry, my bad. Sorry, my bad.

We just get nervous.

We get so nervous because you're so smarter than us.

I'm not smart, but in World War II,

who were the countries involved again?

I don't remember who was in it.

The countries that were involved were Japan, U.S., our country.

Our country.

Yes.

Yeah.

Germany.

Yeah.

Hawaii.

Hawaii.

Hawaii?

They weren't a part of our country? Oh, yeah. They were part of our country.
Brazil? Yeah, Brazil. Brazil? Brazil was in the world? Wait a minute.
Okay, that's interesting. So how did Brazil get involved in that war? Yeah.
Our president. Who was our president during the war? Yeah, I don't...
Franklin Roosevelt. Franklin Roosevelt.
Okay, good. He went to Brazil and asked the president if he could help us bomb Germany.
Who was the president of Brazil? Who was the president of Brazil at the time? It was Jose Gregory. Jose Gregory.
I read about him. I remember him.
I read his bio. wait.
Jose Gregory, didn't he do something before becoming president of Brazil? Yeah. What was his first job? I think he was a janitor.
He went from janitor to president. Yes.
I remember that. I remember that.
I remember that. Yeah, yeah.
Do you have any questions? Because when somebody wins the lottery in this country, you just pull the hose. They use that term.
Yeah, yeah. Wait.
You have a question for her. Oh, I do.
So during the war, right? So the Japan were with the Germans, right? Yeah. Yes.
What was Japan's fleet called? Yeah, what were they called? The Japan's fleet was called Akatsuke Fleet. Akatsuke Fleet.
What does Akatsuke mean? Akatsuke means rogue. Rogue, the rogue fleet.
Yes. That's interesting.
That's tight. That's tight, right? That is cool.
Yeah, we should create a band called that. Akatsuke Fleet? Yeah.
I really like that. I really like that.
I have one more history question for you. Yeah.
Of course. You know, now this is embarrassing, I don't know, stupid, but at the turn of the century, you know? Yeah.
Y2K. Yeah.
This recent century. They said computers were going to stop.
Remember that? Yeah, yeah. Why? Computers were going to computers were going to stop because our government put something in the chip.
That's it. So our government let me get this straight.
Whoa. You're blowing my mind.
Let me get this straight. Let me get the...
How complex. How complex.
Our government put a chip. We put a chip.
Our government put a chip in the computer. Oh, in what? Which computer? Yeah, what computer did it put in? All computer products.
Right. Oh, it'sabolical.
Wow. So our government went to Macintosh, Hewlett-Packard.
Ask. So our government went to Macintosh, Hewlett-Packard, Apple.
Apple is Macintosh, right? Same. Same thing.
And they specifically put, unbeknownst to the companies, a government chip. Yeah.
And what was the purpose of this chip?

To stop and maybe make the computers alive. Oh, singularity.
Okay, so then why didn't it work? Why didn't it work? This technician that works for the government. What was his name? He was, his name was John Arkansas.
John Arkansas. What's the state? Yeah.
Yeah. Or the country.
Is it a country or a state? State. It's a state, yeah.
So John Arkansas, he was the one that put the chips on all the computers? Yes, but he made an error, and that's why it didn't work. What was the error? What was it? He was coding, and he put penis.
He wrote penis? Penis in the coding. Yeah, and it didn't work.
So are you telling us that penis saved us all in the year 2000? Yeah. Yeah, wow.
John in Arkansas, a chip From the government Yeah

Wow

You know

What does Y2K stand for?

Oh what does that stand for?

Yeah then

Your

Yeah

To

Yeah

C-U-T

Now Rudy you did great

Great job

Give it up for Rudy

That was good

Take your phone back

Thank you. Rudy you did great give it up for Rude that was good take your phone back Rudy you get your phone back and you know the Grateful Dead members now yes alright let's look in the camera and say it thank you for being a bad friend you hear about a kid right who's great at football right in high, right? Yeah.
Who's great at football, right? Yeah.

In high school, right?

Yeah.

He's a quarterback.

He's a quarterback.

All right, he's a quarterback, right?

And it's now tryouts, right, for the college.

Yeah.

I'm a college scout.

What college?

WNBA.

That's the college?

Yes.

All right.

All right.

And WNBA, I'm the fucking university head of the sports division got it okay i hear about this night clarice mantuso i love clarice yeah he's a quarterback from high school from oxnard high school six eight he's six eight 225 exactly pure muscle yeah pure muscle right yeah and um i he gets he gets every time he a ball, it goes right into the tight end. Right in the chest.
Or the wide receiver. The end, I mean.
A wide receiver. No, it goes to the – what do you do when you score? In the end zone? End zone.
End zone. It goes to the end zone.
Well, the tight end could catch it and put it in the end. Sometimes he does.
You think the end was called the tight end? Yes. Yeah.
Okay, so every time it goes right in the tight end. Right.
And so I hear about this Matuso guy, right? And I'm seeing him scrimmage, right? With the boys, right? Hut, hut, hike! And he throws the ball, right? In back of him. Boom! Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. I'm like, I heard this guy was good.
You know what I mean? And I know that he has another – he's on a team with my other friend, a guy I know, Andrew.

Yeah.

Right?

So let's do it again.

Okay, go.

Reset, right?

Go to the 20-yard line.

Second snap.

Right?

Hut, hut, right?

He spins it on his head.

Right?

Yeah, like, hut, hut, spins it, right?

Yeah. And just kind of walks around in a circle.

Like, dooo!

Like, right? Right? And then cut – I don't know what they say. You know what I mean? No, they don't.
They don't say cut, right? You can't cut. I don't know what they say.
You don't cut. So then I go, I'm like a little, hey, man.
Come on, man. This is real, man.
This is for the college. This is for the WNBA.
Right? Right? He's like, I'm doing it. I'm trying.
Yeah. At that point, I'm going to be like, it was all hype.

Ah, but it's not.

So my tape, right?

The tape that I sent this morning.

Was good.

Is that.

Time out.

Yeah, yeah. Rudy.

Was the tape spinning a ball on his head or was it throwing it in the tight end?

It was throwing in the tight end.

Very good.